#I’ve also got some sketches of the first page-ish

[klutzytomb]

Old Taylor drawing I actually really love

[quibbs126]

I’m very much not done with this character, but I guess I wanted to at least display what I’ve been trying to work on since yesterday. It has been a struggle

So this here is another character who’s part of that Evoland 2.5 thing or whatever I’m calling it, being specifically related to these guys, as Solus�� father and Juno and Jovi’s uncle. And also, the current leader of the Demons

Brain worms have been telling me to call him Glaucus, and so Saturday night I decided to actually look up what Glaucus is and meant, and honestly I think it works

So Glaucus has a number of ties, but it’s the name of a Greek god of fishermen, which works with Juno and Jovi’s names being Roman gods, as well as apparently the son of Minos. Which also works because he’s supposed to be the direct descendant of Menos in the story. Glaucus is also a genus of sea slug, specifically the blue dragon ones, which I thought sounded cool, so all in all I decided to stick with that name for him

It also made me think of what to do with the character to tie him into these inspirations, which kickstarted me actually thinking about him proper, and so I decided to start trying to design him

I think in the original vision in my head, Solus’ father was supposed to have purple hair and skin, but with the name Glaucus having a lot of ties to blue, I figured I should probably make some part of him blue. I chose hair since blue skin and purple hair is literally already Arthus’ color combo, and he’s Evoland 2’s Demon king, so it’d be too close for my liking. Also that’s the color combo of Menos, which could tie into the “Glaucus, son of Minos” part

When I was first trying out his colors, I thought he looked like a darker color version of Menos, and it needed more tweaking. I eventually got it looking how I liked it in the younger version of Glaucus. I admit that in that one, his hair color is more similar to Menos’, but his skin is dark enough that I think it looks distinct

That young Glaucus is probably my favorite here, and it’s gonna be my main reference for him going forward. Which may cause problems because he’s much older, but whatever

I want to give him a large ponytail, which I actually sort of took from this one small sketch on one of Menos’ pages, which is basically my only look at proper concept art of Menos

But in all honesty, I’m struggling with what to do for the front of his hair. Yes, I could stick with the hair slicked back into the ponytail, as I had on the original

But my main problem with that is, if I were to do that, Jovi here would literally be the only one of these guys to not have slicked back hair in any way. I already feel like I’m struggling to diversify the hair styles, and this does not help

His wife maybe doesn’t need the slicked back hair, but she has a reason to have her hair like that

I’ve also been debating giving him a beard, but the problem there is that I still don’t know how to draw beards right. It’s why I haven’t drawn Arthus this time around. But I also feel like it would make sense to give him a beard, so I don’t know

There’s also generally the issue of how to draw him older. I’m bad at drawing age on my characters. I think I’m learning, at least with some face things, but I’m still not good at it. He’s supposed to be at least in his mid 50s-60s relatively, given Solus, his son, is around 30 ish

But right now my main big issue is that I don’t know what kind of outfit to give him, I’m really struggling

I’ve tried to search up monk character designs on here, since that’s kind of the vibe these guys are supposed to have, but the additional problem was making him look formal enough, since he’s supposed to be the current Demon king, even if that title is a bit lesser than in Evoland 2 times

I think I need to solidify what this group of Demon’s style is, and what I want to do. Because I’m mostly working off the idea that their style is derived from the Temple of Menos Demons. This would be true, but also these guys are supposed to be 500-600 years later, and most don’t live there anymore, so they should probably have some change

I have some ideas for a new Solus design, so it may help me flesh things out, but on this page I still don’t know what to do

Now I might as well talk about the ideas I have for Glaucus, because what I drew isn’t indicative of everything I have in mind for him

So as mentioned, Glaucus is the leader of the current Demons, as well as Solus’ father, and Juno and Jovi’s uncle. He had a younger sister who was Juno and Jovi’s mother (I also drew something of her above), but she and their father died when they were children, and so he took them in, and he’s basically their dad now (at least for Jovi, who was basically a toddler when his parents died)

Glaucus has somewhat of a water/sea affiliation. As a child, he really liked to fish (is maybe autistic for marine life? I don’t know), and it is still a favorite past time of his, as well as something he’s taught his charges. He also wields a spear and probably has an amount of water powers. I personally imagine one ability of his is to create water clones of himself during a battle, as well as probably clones of his spear

In a hypothetical game, you would definitely have a boss fight with him. In the story, he’s supposed to be under some evil influence, so he’s an antagonist, at least initially

He’s fairly powerful, though not as much in brute strength as Menos or Matchos

There’s also his wife, aka Solus’s mother. She’s still alive, but she doesn’t live in the tower with her family. She still lives in the Temple of Menos, as an active custodian of it, which is considered more important, so she stays there. The temple isn’t that far though, so she still sees them relatively often, whenever they come to visit. I don’t know what to name her

Funny enough she also ended up basically having Juno’s old color scheme, but it works here. Her having the long braid and slicked back hair is also because she’s even more based on the Temple of Menos guys, since that's literally her job

I don't know what to name her though. Maybe something sun/light related, I don't know

There's also Glaucus' sister, whom I also don't know what to name. She doesn't really have anything about her, in part because she's long dead in the story and I really only need her and her husband to figure out Juno and Jovi's genes and how their colors are supposed to work. I think I'm sticking with that color scheme though

Oh also one more thing I forgot to mention, so the Demons were supposed to have come back to the surface around 200 ish years prior to the story or so. And with this, Glaucus and his generation would thus have been the first generation born back on the surface and not at the Temple of Menos. I haven't done anything with this concept, but it is a fact and I need to figure out how to incorporate it

I think my biggest issue with Glaucus, as well as the other two, is that I don't have enough ideas to know where I'm going when drawing. I know part of the point is to try and work out your ideas while sketching and drawing, but I don't have enough of a road map for it. So I guess I put Glaucus in more stasis until I fully figure out what I want to do with him? I'm really not sure

But I guess I'm posting this to show off and talk about what I got, because I want to. I was hoping to have something more fleshed out and an actual character by the time I was done with this, but alas. This is how I am now

But at least hopefully some of you get value out of this. Provided you care at all about this

[starsoforionwrites]

So, I'm finally back to writing Nature of Purity after.... fuck me, 7 months without an update. And I thought I'd take a moment to talk a little bit about why I stopped updating it.

The Setup

When I started posting NoP it was, I thought, mostly done. I'd originally intended it to be about 20k words. I had a sketch for the the overall plan, and I'd written what at the time felt like about 75% of it. In fact, I'd been sitting on those chapters for a few months already, working on them here and there as the whim took me.

One of the reasons I started posting it on AO3 was to try and push myself to complete it. I'd never finished a fic before. NoP was actually the first thing I'd written in years.

So I jumped in and started posting, knowing that if I stuck to a weekly update schedule I had a twelve week buffer to finish it off. That's ages! So much time! And I only had a few more chapters to write really!

Things went fine for a while, although I was still really struggling to stick to a schedule. I mostly managed though. I know some of you sit down and write in huge swathes, working steadily for hours and churning out 20k words at a time. That ain't me. I flit in and out of my fics, working for 20 minutes here, adding 150 words there. I'll get tired of the section I'm writing and move down a few pages, adding a section title with a couple of bulletpoints of things that will happen.

If I work at it, I can hit 1500 words in an hour-ish. I'm quite lucky in that once I start writing, I don't get stuck. Staring at an empty page means sometimes I never start, but if I put words to paper then I can keep going, flow of consciousness, pretty easily.

But usually, 2 hours is about my absolute maximum for a session, and I pretty much max out at 2 sessions a week.

Anyway, around June of '21, THINGS started to happen in my life. Here's a fun list.

I got a promotion at work

My mortgage came up for renewal

I ended up buying a new house instead

I had to buy a new car

I had a trivial argument with some close friends that got blown out of all proportion

This literally all took place in a period of about two months, which is right about the time I stopped writing. I kept posting chapters, but I couldn't bring myself to write any more. I ran out of chapters to post in August '22 (although I had been checked out mentally for a long time beforehand), and then I fucked off into the darkness never to be seen again.

So yes this is obviously a mental health post

I've always really struggled with depression. It's been a constant in my life ever since I can remember. I was sent home from school several times when I was around 10-12 because I was inconsolable over nothing. Or had been laughing hysterically for hours. Or I'd been staring at a wall for hours.

Eventually they sent me to counselling, which I did not handle well either.

Things got really bad for me around 16-20, and then slowly I started to level out a bit. Eventually I mostly got a handle on it as I learned to live with myself.

That said, I still find it really, really easy to fall into depression. Days when I wake up and just think "no" and go back to bed are still not uncommon.

This is all a precursor to say that, that bullet-point list above? Yeah, I didn't handle it too well.

The promotion at work came with huge amounts of new stress. I was now a client-facing, team-leading, systems-architecting badass, and my workload roughly quadrupled.

Buying a new house is also, it turns out, ridiculously stressful. This is the second time I've been through the process, although the first time round I had a partner to do it with. This time, it was just me, and on top of that I was having to deal with the transfer of assets due to my prior mortgage being in both our names, along with a wildly fluctuating market value of property. I'm aware this is not a particularly relatable thing to bitch about (oh no, poor me, my hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of material assets), but at several points in the process it genuinely looked like it would all fall through and I would be left homeless in one way or another.

The new car was a fucking ridiculous situation. I previously had a company car, as a perk because they didn't want to give me a raise. This meant I could sell my car and was very cool! Then covid. The company decided to cancel the car policy, and I no longer had one at all. Then the chip shortage! Remember that? The price of second hand cars skyrocketed. Again, very stressful.

And then the nail in the cake, my friends situation. I'm not gonna go into it, but it was ridiculous. Like, a genuinely stupid argument over absolutely nothing important. These are people I've known IRL for fifteen years. But the upshot was, I didn't feel welcome around them anymore, so I just stopped showing up on discord.

I haven't spoken to any of them since.

Sooooo, all this shit combined together to leave me a barely functioning person. I just about held things together enough to get moved in. I unpacked. And then I more or less fell apart.

Don't call it a comeback

Eventually I crawled my way back out of my pit.

This is, genuinely, in no small part thanks to the wonderful comments I received while still posting NoP. I have saved many of these comments. The fact that people were engaging with the stuff I was writing brought me so much happiness, I actually don't know how to describe it.

Reading the comments from you guys, who are out there reading my work, literally makes me cry almost every time. I get weepy over it. I have to go and have a little sit down. I can't stop smiling. It uplifts me, even if the comment is something small and throw-away for you. And Christ, some of you write such beautiful things. My God. Are you for real? I want to hug you so fucking badly.

But I was left in a bit of a pickle. I couldn't face going back to NoP. I'd sit in front of it, and I just couldn't find the voice anymore. The exact state of mind I'd been in when I was writing Hermione and Draco bitching away at each other in the library was eluding me. I'd sit staring at an empty chapter, which just had headers in it like "Talking to Luna" and "Nott a problem" and I was like who the fuck wrote this what does it mean??

But I wanted to write again.

And I had so many WIPs. Like no lie I have about thirty, that range from one-sentence descriptions of a vibe, to heres-a-complete-first-chapter-and-nothing-else-lol-figure-it-out.

And one of those WIP's was actually fun, and breezy, and easy to write. Epistolaries are so fucking easy my guy. Like they're so easy. You don't have to worry about any of that other shit! You don't need a plot, or to set the scene! You don't need to force yourself to describe what people are doing as they talk. They aren't doing anything! They're just writing letters! So easy!

For reference, I find dialogue absolutely trivial to write. It's everything else that fucks me up. So heck yeah epistolaries.

And it was a LOT of fun. Especially those first few easy-breezy chapters. Especially when you can leverage the fact that everyone reading knows EXACTLY what's happening in the background, so you can just drop allusions to it here and there in dialogue.

So I began posting The Penpal Program. And, because it was mostly canon-compliant, it got heavier and darker towards the end, but still stayed pretty light and fluffy. I had a few hiccups here and there where I (as I am wont to do) did no writing at all for three weeks and then had to have a massive catch-up session in the 11th hour, BUT I completed it.

And again, the comments throughout the whole process kept me going. It's actually crazy how much it makes my day to read a comment.

And, throughout all of this, I've been conscious of not updating NoP. I've had a couple of comments here and there asking for updates, and they've made me feel guilty. I've looked back at one specific comment made on the last chapter I wrote, letting me know they had faith in my storytelling. That they couldn't wait to see what happened.

And I feel like I let them down personally. Like I've just been the most useless, selfish, worthless asshole for seven fucking months. And I know that's crazy and depression and etc. etc. (I do know that), but still. I want to finish the fic. For them. And for the rest of you, who have commented, or not. Who hit the kudos or the like button or the bookmark or who didn't do any of these things and just kept the tab open and refresh it once every month or so. And also, for me. So it's done. Because it's not the longest fic ever written, or the fluffiest, or the darkest or the most realistic. But it's mine, and I'm proud of it. I've loved writing it. I love reading it back, because I'm a slut for reading my own stories. I love the way I feel every time I see someone else like it. I love sharing it with you guys.

And so, I'm writing it again. And I'm going to finish it. As I write this I have two chapters left to go and then it will be complete. I'm going to complete it before I start posting it again. I don't want to throw a single chapter up and then lose control again and disappear.

I said there would be four chapters to go, but there will actually be five. Three of them are written.

I also have a couple of "scenes from the cutting room floor", which I think I'll just chuck on here for you pack of reprobates to read. Or maybe I'll put them on AO3 as part of a series, loosely affiliated.

Either way, The Nature of Purity will be complete, and should be updating on AO3 within the next few weeks.

Sorry for wasting almost 10k words (fuck me) on this explanation of why I've not been writing, but I figured fuck it, you might wanna know.

Anyway as a little treat for reading so far have a little snippet form the next chapter of NoP.

"Merlin Hermione," George said, interrupting her. "I don't give a shit about your exams! Tell me about Draco dearest. I mean, when he stormed in here at Christmas and read Harry the riot act... Honestly, he got me all hot and bothered!"

"George!"

"Oh come on babe, I'm only human! Besides, I was only looking at him."

"Well keep your bloody eyes to yourself you git!" she snarled, as George and Ginny both giggled and exchanged significant looks.

"Relax love, he's not really my type you know? He was just all... I dunno. Commanding!"

"Oooh yeah," Ginny cut in. "I know what you mean. He's a bit... angular for me really, but he looked very.... stern didn't he Georgie?"

Hermione resumed drinking her tea, tuning out the background of Weasleys singing the praises of her betrothed. For Merlin's sake, Draco was right. They had no bloody decorum.

[dancing-the-hellfire-rumba]

Seen ✓ - 2

Pairing: Sam x Fem!Reader Warnings: light anxiety Word Count: 2.2k Series Summary: On her way home, Y/n finds an abandoned, cracked phone on the sidewalk. Anxious about the well-being of its owner, she picks it up and texts the first contact she finds; Sam. A/N: Chapter 2! Our pals are kicking it off already. Can you smell the chemistry? The rOMANCE? LESSGO

Pictures used in this chapter were found on google images :)

Beta: no one.

Catch up! : Part 1 Masterlist

Chapter 2: overthinker.

From: y/n_andrews85 To: D_impala67 Subject: I have your phone. That sounds creepy. I don’t think there’s a non-creepy way of writing this. Whatever.

Dear Dean, is it?

I just wanted to let you know I found your phone at the bus stop the other night. I wasn’t planning on holding on to it, really, but I got worried that you may have been in trouble, and then you never really looked for it either so, I don’t know, I figured better than someone who’ll snatch it and leave, you know?

Anyways, that’s why I’m emailing. I snooped through it a little, sorry, hopefully you’ll understand it was kinda necessary? Maybe we can arrange something so I can get it back to you. This girl, Jamie, keeps sending me (well you technically) topless photos of her. It’s not really what lights my candle. I’m assuming you’d like it back too.

I hope you’re safe. Looking forward to hearing back from you!

Y/n Andrews

-

Do you believe me now?

oh god

you didn’t

Sure did

wow. just wow.

you just handed his ass back to him holy shit!

last time he called, he said he dropped his phone while walking back to his motel, so

he’s okay.

That’s good, I’m glad he’s safe.

I was planning on including something along the lines of “This would’ve been easier if you were an active member of the 21st century and used social media”

But I figured the Jamie thing was motive enough?

yeah. topless Jamie? that’s something else.

Don’t be getting any ideas, dude, I don’t do nudes lmao.

oh god, no i didn’t think that

you did not just type lmao though. how old are you again?

oh god, you’re not 14 or something right? i don’t know what that would make me.

Don’t worry about it, I turned 16 last week.

…

are you serious?

Lmao, no, I’m kidding. I’m twenty-two.

But I think the word you’re looking for is a creep. Oh, and an ageist.

ouch.

Haha, I’m joking.

Lighten up, what are you, ninety?

hi pot meet kettle.

Shit I walked right into that one.

also i’d like to think i don’t text like a ninety-year-old man. could be wrong though

to answer your question i’m twenty-four.                                

Twenty-four huh? I assume you’re done with college, no?

Or- wait, I guess not everyone goes to college.

Yes, this is me fishing for information.

well… i kinda dropped out.

decided to go on a road trip with my brother.

things went a little south I ended up continuing the family business.

Damn, college drop-out ey? Where from?

Also, Family business? What do you do?

Is this too interview-y? I’m sorry, I don’t mean to snoop.

you’re good.

stanford. pre-law.

and my brother and i are private investigators. that’s why he’s not in Kansas with me. he’s working a case.

Daaaaamn. Stanford AND a lawyer? And now working as a PI? You’re pretty smart, then.

an ageist and a generalist? i didn’t take you for such y/n.

Fuck, okay, you sound like a lawyer too.

hahahah

so what about you?

What about me?

are you in college?

Oh yeah! Film school. My dream has always been to be a director. It’s rare to find someone who loves movies more than I do.

that’s really cool.

hey i’ve been meaning to ask.

Thinking of me, Sam?

…

Do tell.

how come you were walking home through a park in the middle of the night the other day?

Ooh, I was coming back from work.

I’m a bartender and I had a late shift on Friday.

oh I see. That makes sense yeah.

I’m sorry to cut this conversation short, but I’m legitimately three seconds away from falling asleep. I’m gonna hit the hay.

See you later, Sam :)

See you, y/n :)

A smile creeps on Y/n’s features at the thought of more conversations with Sam. He has given her something to look forward to, something to make her a little more excited during her boring every-day life. As she tucks herself in under her covers, eyelids heavy enough to droop involuntarily, the last thing she thinks of is him, the clever, sassy, twenty-four year old college dropout on the other side of the cracked phone screen. The overwhelming urge to get to know him overtakes her as she succumbs to sleep

--

So

Do you believe in ghosts?

that’s… random.

May be

why do you ask?

Idk, just wanna get to know you better.

that’s what you ask people you want to get to know better?

Yes?

Are you avoiding the question?

no

i do. believe in ghosts.

You?

So do i.

Well, sorta. I guess I believe in souls more than anything.

hm?

Well… I guess I hope (more than believe) that we are more than our corporeal selves.

In the sense that, it’s comforting to me that when we die, and our bodies stop working, we don’t evaporate.

I guess.

yeah I understand.

i don’t know. i guess i wanna believe in science more than anything but i know better.

How do you mean?

call it a hunch.

Oh c’mon, it’s gotta be more than that.

Sam…?

Y/n huffs out a breath, gnawing at her lip. She hopes her anxiety isn’t right, that Sam isn’t sick of her silly questions and existential dread, and is actually doing something. Perhaps his battery ran out.

...Sure.

She was doing something too, before she decided to text him. Eyes falling on all her books and notes, spread around her like ugly, depressing, anxiety-inducing flower petals. There’s a blanket over her legs, chilly fall weather seeping through her bones, and there’s a half empty pizza box in front of her. She’s full and the left overs are kept for her sister, Emily, who’s currently locked up in her room.

Damn it. Y/n is stressed and tired, and now her distraction is refusing to reply. This sucks. She hates the crawling, awful, gooey feeling of cold anxiety gripping every beat of her heart and stupidly convincing her he’s purposefully ghosting her, because he doesn’t like her.

Not knowing what to occupy herself with, she heads to take a shower. In the back of her head, she knows that she’ll probably not study any longer, so she takes it upon herself to sink under the hot water and wash thoroughly, trying to get her mind off Dean’s phone. When her feet step out of the shower and she has towel-dried herself as best as she can, she tosses her wet hair in a haphazard bun, and gets dressed.

Books stack under the rickety, stained coffee table, and she grabs her sketchbook, her favorite pencil, as well as her and Dean’s phone. She shoots Connor a text, arranging a hang out of some kind, and opens her little booklet, when a text vibrates Dean’s phone.

hey i’m sorry i got caught up in something.

It’s alright.

She doesn’t press the ghost subject, because he doesn’t seem into it and she really doesn’t wanna make him dislike her any more than he possibly already does.

The empty page of her sketchbook daunts her. With a tight grip on her mechanical pencil, she urges her creativity pumps to use some gasoline, but they seem limp and dead, and once more unwilling to help her. As her eyes fall on Dean’s phone, like a light bulb out of a cartoon, she gets an idea.

Hey, this might sound creepy, but what do you look like?

She stares at the phone. This feels like a risky question. God, if he wasn’t done with her before, he certainly must be now. But then, he surprises her.

why do you wanna know?

I’m in the mood to sketch some, and my creativity has officially left the building.

Care to help a girl out? Maybe your literary descriptions will spark something in me lmao.

i didn’t know you sketched.

Yeah, sometimes. Nothing great though, I promise. I’m certainly no Picasso.

i mean you don’t have to be picasso to sketch well. and you don’t have to sketch well to sketch at all.

Yeah, may be.

I don’t wanna pressure you into anything, you really don’t have to humor me.

If you do feel like it though, don’t send me a picture. Kinda wanna spark some life into my brain cells.

haha i will. only if you show me the finished product tho.

You’ve got yourself a deal :)

She simply cannot believe he has just agreed to this. Her breath is caught in her throat.

so.

what do you want me to start with?

Just whatever. Idk, tell me about your face.

well

i have brown curly-ish hair that reaches my ears. uh, my eyes are hazel.

Okay, that’s a start.

What’s your nose like?

it’s a bit pointy. thin i think?

Jawline?

sharp? i guess?

this is by far the weirdest thing i’ve done.

Lmao, yeah, this is pretty weird.

Exciting though.

She shouldn’t have said that. Fuck, that is definitely overeager.

yeah it is.

Her stomach feels floaty at his response.

Eyebrows?

uh

normal?

How do you classify “normal” eyebrows, exactly?

i don’t know? they’re simple i guess.

Are you implying complicated eyebrows exist out there?

…

Elaborate, Sam. Are you shy? Do you not have eyebrows? Are they bushy? Or too thin? Or pointy?

i’m telling you they’re average.

Sam

what

You officially suck at this.

oh fuck off how would you describe yours?

Y/n proceeds to write a cohesive sentence that includes adjectives apart from “normal” and “average”. Words like bushy, thin, arched and curvy.

well shit yeah i guess i do suck at this.

i think it’s not a skill i mind not having.

That… is a confusing sentence.

just… draw them however. what difference can eyebrows make?

Oh you have no idea.

Okay, last thing.

Do you have a fringe?

yeah but not for long. i’ll probably let it grow out.

Okay, I can do something with that. Thanks :)

no problem

Her creativity is finally servicing her according to her commands, and Y/n puts pen to paper and scribbles messily. Line after line, they curl and sit on the page, forming a smile with thin lips, a sharp jaw, a pointy nose. She has to guess the eyebrows a bit, and the eyes are more cartoonish and generic than she likes. In the end, she gets anxious at the prospect of having to show him, and gives him a hood, so she won’t fuck up the hair.

Okay, I’m done.

that was quick, actually.

Well I didn’t have much to go on.

Sam doesn’t reply. She worries he might have misinterpreted her teasing tone.

Gimme a sec, I’ll send it over.

Ugh, Dean’s camera is such shit. Do you mind if I send it from my phone?

no go ahead.

[Y/n has sent a picture]

As you said, it didn’t take long. It’s really not the best.

that…

is actually not too far from the truth

it kind of looks like me from two years ago

wow, really?

yeah.

and it’s honestly a pretty good sketch. good job.

Thank you :)

Sam doesn’t say anything after this, and she huffs. Her head falls back on the couch, and she stares at the ceiling. She should go to bed soon, it’s getting late.

isn’t this strange?

Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit oh shit, she thinks. He’s regretting this. He doesn’t like her. He’ll stop talking to her and that’ll be it.

Why does she care so much? It’s a thought that passes through her mind. It hasn’t been long since they started talking and, after the near-kidnapping encounter, they’ve been having nearly daily conversations, but that still doesn’t mean much. She knows barely anything about him.

She guesses, she wants to get to know him better. He seems like the type of guy she’d enjoy hanging out with and she has so far. Stopping any kind of conversation would surely feel like a loss. She’d have to go back to her boring routine. This is the most exciting thing she has allowed herself to do in years.

A part of her feels rather lame for finding such a thrill at something so trivial. She’s talking to a stranger, and that’s all it is, but the prospect that he could be anyone at all, and she’s never even seen his face… well… It feels refreshing, new. Scary in an adrenaline-rush kind of way.

What is?

us. texting.

isn’t it a little odd?

I guess it is a bit.

I mean we’ve only known each other for, what, a week? And a half?

yeah.

should we stop?

I don’t know

Do you want to?

The extra moment his reply takes to arrive makes her want to vomit.

no

Then there’s your answer.

okay then

can I save you in my contacts?

Sure, go ahead.

I just did too.

alright.

Okay :)

I’m sorry, I have to go.

I guess I’ll text you later, Sam.

Go be whoever Sam Something is.

it’s winchester.

Like the shotgun?

yup.

That’s BADASS. Can you even get more badass than this? Pre-law, now a PI, and you’re named after a shotgun? Damn dude.

Well, it’s nice to meet you Sam. I’m Y/n Andrews.

Haha thanks.

nice to meet you, too

goodnight Y/n Andrews.

Night Sam Winchester :)

--- Part 3

A/N: Thoughts? How are you liking the newer version of this? right after I post it, I’m gonna delete the other one.

Taglist:

Old Can You See The Stars taglist: @shutupiminlooove @sammysgirl1997 @kymberlytorres @bambi95-blog @demonic-meatball @thekarliwinchester @littlekay15 @li-m-ii  @thinspo-isuppose @carryonmywaywarddemigodwitch @ellen-reincarnated1967 @moonlitskinwalker @marichromatic @illuminatus42 @lazy-author @mirandaaustin93 @hauntedsiriel @pilaxia @devilgirlsarah @nobodys-baby-now @captiveties @calamitychaos @midiocris @wordswillscream​

Sam taglist @kymberlytorres @theboykingsam @depressed-moose-78 @andi-mendes-barnes @captainmarvelcorps @nerd-in-a-galaxy-far-away @nellachain

[icewindandboringhorror]

Another set of responding to asks lol.. As usual I have them numbered and will also write out the ask in the text, especially since the screencaps are all blurry and taken at various times/compiled together badly and probably hard to read ghghhggh..... answers under the read more ~ 

-------------------------

1. "Hi I don't mean to bother you at all, but I was wondering where you get your rocking horse shoes? (I think thats what they're called) I've been looking everywhere and I can't seem to find any :(( "

I don’t entirely remember, since I got them like 6 or 7 years ago.. I think maybe at some point that place ‘bodyline’ or something had some cheap ones? But I don’t see them on the site anymore, they were like $50 or $60. Now when I google it I can only find these insane like $600 ones from vivian westwood or whoever, or ones that are platform shoes but not necessarily the same type. Maybe you could find some on aliexpress or ebay or something? Usually you have to use weirdly specific search terms and look for a while, but you can often find stuff like that on those sites. Sorry I couldn’t be of more help!!! 

2. "I've been sick for over a month and my doctor tested me - everything came back fine. After some discussion it appears that my ptsd symptoms came back and the stress on my body is making me fatigued, sick and dizzy. I don't want to say that this could be similar to you situation, but if you have a therapist or someone to talk to about any stresses/your sickness, it might help relieve the pressure a bit. Good luck, I'm so sorry you feel so unwell"

Thank you for sharing! Yeah, I think stress definitely plays a part in why I feel sick so often. Currently I’m not still having the same problem I was having a few months ago when you sent this, so that’s good at least!! 

3. “Hi! Do you plan to ever have more sculptures for sale? Or would you do commissions? I haven't seen any in a while but wanted to buy one! :-O”

I have plenty that I want to sell, I guess it’s just hard for me to get set up. Since so much of the reason I procrastinate selling stuff is because I hate the stress of deciding on a price, I’ve thought for a while now that maybe I can just auction them (so I just set a base price, but people bid whatever they feel is fair and I don’t have to decide myself). But I’m just not sure of a good way to do that.. Ebay has auctions, but I don’t want random strangers buying them, I’d rather stick to just the pool of people who follow my art blog and are already familiar with my sculptures or etc. I could do them on here ?? (like, ‘reply to this post to bid, bids close 8am EST, whoever said the highest number sends the money through paypal and then I send the sculpture’ sort of thing???)   But I’m not sure if it’s legal to sell stuff through tumblr, or if there could be any other problems with doing it so ‘unofficially’ like that.. I don’t know, I have a vague idea, I’m just having trouble deciding the best way to set up something! I do want to sell some soon though, if I live through the pandemic and anything ever goes back to normal, of course (I wouldn’t want to be having to leave the house to ship stuff in the mail right now). 

As for commissions, I have actually done sculpture commissions for friends a few times, so I feel confident-ish that I’d be able to do something like that, but I also wouldn’t want to get overwhelmed since it takes a lot of work. Custom sculptures may also be more expensive, and again.. I always feel guilty and strange about pricing. I’ve thought about doing very limited sculpture commissions though (like, maybe just one at a time, first come first serve or something..?). If it seems like there’s actual interest in that sort of thing, I could definitely consider doing it in the future! 

4. " *picks up that smol blue kid and throws them across the room* "

ghgh .. the smallness is an advantage... they could just skitter back down your arm like a tiny squirrel the second you tried to pick them up.. Ythrili survival strategy is to be too small to catch in the first place 

(also forgive every sketch in this post, my screen that you can draw on broke, so I’m either drawing stuff in ms paint with a mouse, or drawing stuff on paper and coloring it in firealpaca also with a mouse ghghh.. not going to look Good)

5. "it sounds like you feel pressure to only post good content on the internet, and so you end up psyching yourself out of posting at all. Am I on the right track? "

Not necessarily, like I mentioned in the tags I think it’s more just that everything is complicated by my brain. I can’t just do something effortlessly. Whether it’s for an audience or not, I get caught up on every little detail and adding so much complexity to everything that all tasks take me longer than they take other people lol. I think I just tend to take everything very seriously?? 

Like for example, I’m often accused of ‘turning things into a discussion’ when someone was just intending to make an off-handed remark, because if someone is bringing up a topic to discuss, I end up engaging with it 100% and putting full effort into it, and it’s hard for me to be ‘’casual’’ about pretty much anything (so if someone was like ‘My day yesterday was a bit weird’ I wouldn’t be able to just respond ‘aw man, that sucks’, I would just be like ‘Weird how? what happened? what made it weird? Are you okay now? Are things still weird? Have you found a solution?’ etc. etc.). I was also bad at essays/open answer questions in school (despite usually being great at the class otherwise), because no matter how hard I tried to filter my speech and cut things out, I was always far too long-winded  and would get almost too engaged with the topic and lose the clear cut thought organization and focus that you’re supposed to have I guess. Even like, playing video games or something that’s supposed to be relaxing, I can’t just ‘jump into them’ and do whatever, usually any game I play (large ones at least, small 25 minute  point and click adventure games don’t count of course), I have 7 - 10 pages of notes, do hours of research, look up most of the main spoilers, plan out and organize exactly how I’m going to play it and this and that, etc. lol... 

So, that personality trait carries over into posting things online as well, I can’t just type something out quickly and hit ‘post’ without a second thought. Social media is hard for me because you’re supposed to use it casually, but I spend a long time re-reading drafted posts, thinking about them, etc. etc., and end up never actually getting around to posting anything. It’s not that I’m perfectionist about it and want it to be ‘good’ or appear a certain way, it’s just that my mind becomes preoccupied with things I guess.  I’m a natural information gatherer, part of my natural way of processing things is to learn everything possible before acting, and I want to make sure I’ve fully thought about everything always, and know as much as I can (so I wouldn’t want to publicly say something without giving it a lot of consideration first, or post a picture without really thinking about if I want to post it, what my reasons behind posting it are (like if I’m posting something just for a validation of a certain aspect of myself VS. genuinely because I like it, etc.), if a few months from now I’ll still like that I posted it, etc. lol.. even with like silly cat photos or something, I have to analyze it and be like ‘hmm.. will I still stand by this picture in 4 months? why am I posting it publicly vs, just keeping it privately to myself on my computer? what’s important about it?’ etc. etc. ghgjhgjh.. like.. shut up lol.)

ANYWAY, yeah, I don’t know if it’s about wanting online content to be “good”, as much as it’s just like... I take everything way too seriously and am detail-oriented, contemplative, and analytical to a fault, which means it just takes me 10x longer to do basic ‘’simple’’ things that it would for other people. Though I can still be quite quick-thinking and decisive (I don’t often waver back and forth between things too long), it’s usually because I have years of thinking about the same exact things behind me, so I already am very clear on my opinions on stuff, to a point. But when it’s new things I’m less familiar with (like playing a new game, or posting regularly online), I’m still in a phase where I guess I have to give it a lot of thought. I just process things in a different way than other people I guess? Or have some inherent inability to be brief/concise/careless? If you’ve ever read any of my worldbuilding posts (where I usually start off wanting to explain one thing but then have to derail into 400 other misc. details and explanations and it ends up being a novel), then maybe it’s more evident what I mean, where it’s just like... my natural manner of speaking is Too Much.. I guess? Even this answer is winding and rambly, and I feel like other people could have answered this ask in only a few sentences lol.. 

 If any of that makes sense? I don’t know how to describe how I am lol.. I just know it's hard to me to use social media in this ~~casual effortless~~ way most people seem to, since my brain is just inherently incapable of anything ‘’casual’’ or ‘’effortless’’ lol..  T u T ;; 

6. " Hi! I hope this isn't weird to say, I'm designing a race for my DND campaign and some of the aesthetics are a little bit inspired by some of your costumes and makeup designs. You're awesome and your art is awesome so thanks : ) "

Thanks so much, I appreciate it! It’s always cool to hear I can inspire people~ 

(I usually don’t include many compliments in these ask compilation posts, but I always try to include a few, just to let people know that even if I don’t respond to all of them I do see them, and appreciate it!) 

7.  ???

I ended up cropping out this ask and not answering because some of the content was questionable (the reason WHY/how they wanted to make the character) in a way that I didn’t feel like getting into a long thing about, but part of it was relevant to making OCs in my world, so I will just make a quick comment:

I do state that this is a closed world, so I don’t want anyone making OCs of my species or etc. at least not at this point. Once my game is finished (if ever lol), or I write a few books or something, then I feel it would be understandable if people like, made up a background story for their player character and thus maybe could have some form of OC in my world and etc.. So I may be more relaxed on this in the future as I create content that people naturally would want to engage with , but for now, I’m still a very tiny creator with a closed world and it just doesn’t feel the same as like.. making an oc based on some thing in a big TV series or something. My worldbuliding and etc. is still very personal to me. Unless we’re directly collaborating on things (like mentioned here (link) a bit), or you’re a personal friend of mine who’s gotten involved in the world with my own guidance (meaning I could tell you lore things you’d need to know to make it accurate, etc.), then I don’t feel it’s appropriate for strangers to do at this point. 

Especially since I don’t even have enough world info out for people to be able to reference (most species have half-complete guides, I’ve only ever talked about like, one continent, etc.). There are so many necessary details which I have only in my head and have never typed out, so again, idk, it’d just be weird. I’m not okay with it until I have a lot more lore published, and maybe a few actual works out there that people can reference/stories/games/basis for OCs to exist in the first place. If that makes sense? 

8. "Hey, is it ok to use your outfit posts as inspiration for a dnd character? I love them so much, you have such a unique way of combining crazy patterns and fabrics into something that gives off a good vibe”

Yes, that would be fine! Thank you for asking, and I appreciate the compliments~ Hopefully I can get back to posting that sort of thing more often lol.. I’ve gotten WAY off my routine and haven’t done many outfits lately.. aaa

9. "hi Luca! i just wanted to say i really love all of your costumes and fashions and dress ups, its all so cool and pretty and interesting. i actually wanna dress up for fun for myself, and now that i know about the bins i think i'll try to convince my mom to take me to similar places for cheap clothing pieces, since my mom is worried about how much all this costume stuff costs. anyway, please keep posting your cool and beautiful stuff! "

Thank you so much! I wish you luck with your costumes! Yeah, I think there’s a common idea in a lot of fashion communities (like with makeup, costumes, etc.) that you have to always have high quality things to look nice, and even if sometimes you can do more with a little extra money, really you can make anything look good with what you have if you just combine it right. As I’ve always been quite low income, being into fashion and stuff has be discouraging at times, that I couldn’t afford certain materials or items, but you just have to find a niche where what you’re able to do works. For example, a lot of even ‘cheap’ lolita style clothings are too expensive for me (like $30 - $50 for a dress??? then the more pricey ones can be over $100???) lol.. BUT, then stuff like mori kei, cult party kei, fantasy costumes, etc. you can do with nearly any fabric you can find, and it’s still just as fun and creative. Most of the outfits I take pictures of probably cost me no more than $1 - $10 for every single item combined. Obviously it depends on location - I have better access now that I live near a place like the bins, which I understand there may not be similar resources in small towns or etc. But even with generic thrift stores (which may not be as cheap as the bins), you can still find pretty good alternatives to all the money it costs to buy things brand new. There’s still some stuff I legit just can’t do because I don’t have access to the materials, but for the most part I can manage everything I’d like with $3 eye-shadows and 15 cent tattered curtain fabrics lol. You can still do really cool stuff on a pretty nonexistent budget!

10. “do you have any tips on growing your hair long? is it expensive to up keep? i wanna grow mine out but it grows so slow!”

Well, I know nothing about hair and am not a hair stylist or etc. so I really don’t have any tips lol??  And I think hair maintenance depends a lot on the type of hair you have, not everyone’s is the same. I assume we must have similar hair  (my natural hair is thick kind of coarse very dark brown/black hair, which is a bit wavy in some parts but mostly straight, but most of my hair currently (aside from the overgrown roots at the top) is altered because of damage from bleaching and etc., it’s more brittle. so that’s what I’ll be referencing) if you’re asking me this instead of someone else, but just know that whatever I say may not apply to you.  

Anyway, I really don’t do anything to my hair to make it grow or etc., it’s just that I’ve gone a long time without cutting it lol. I used to cut it all the time or change styles, and now I’ve kind of just left it for 5 or 6 years or so. Because of my mental illness I have trouble maintaining personal care and etc., so I do sometimes go a week or more without washing it, even though I’m trying to work that into my schedule more (luckily I don’t have stinky head, I’ve heard some people’s scalp oils and stuff can smell weird if left for too long, I have the privilege of being able to like.. skip on hygiene a lot without it severely impacting my ability to do things or etc. since it’s usually not obvious if I haven’t bathed in a week or two). 

My cat also EATS HUMAN HAIR for some reason, so I have to keep it up all the time, so that when I shed it doesn’t actually just fall loose onto the ground lol. Literally all I do to my hair is just keep it in two braids at all times and wash it with normal shampoo and conditioner occasionally, when I can. I really only think it’s gotten long because I’ve been leaving it alone and not messing with it, not really because of anything I’ve done (like I don’t use fancy products on it or etc.) And because of that, no, it’s not really expensive! It absolutely WOULD be if I were like..a normal functioning person and I regularly bleached it and dyed it and put products on it and styled it and used shampoo and conditioner every 1-3 days on it and etc. lol.. But I guess because I don’t do anything to it to maintain it, I’m not spending money on hairspray or dye or shampoo or etc.  I used to bleach it a lot and straighten it and use hairspray and stuff on it, and it seems healthier (at least on the new top parts) now that I’m just ... ignoring it basically lol. But I don’t really know what to do to make it grow faster! I’m bad at self-care, and even if I do costumes and stuff, I really am not into beauty and hair and nails and makeup and stuff, so I’m probably the wrong person to ask hghjhb.. My upkeep routine is just... eat and sleep. wash face with water daily.. do extra stuff if you can manage to despite your functioning issues, etc. I’m definitely not a Beauty Advice person, I barely brush my hair even once a week lol

11. "Maybe you should reduce the number of races if it's too overwhelming? A world can still be immersive with only a few races in it."

(sidenote - Not to be nitpicky, but I make a specific point that the groups of fantasy creatures I create are species, not ‘’races’’, even though it is a commonly used term in fantasy worldbuilding, I think it’s inaccurate/weird )

I know I don’t have to make so many different groups, but, I guess I just really want it to be a broad setting. Part of the point in creating Nanyevimi (aside from worldbuilding just being extremely fun and a hobby greatly suited to someone with my personality traits lol) is to have an established world that I can do anything within, a framework already built where it'd be super easy to just drop a character anywhere on the map and already have an idea of what their culture, background, experiences, etc. would be based on pre-existing details about that portion of the world, etc. But I also want it to be broad, and varied, where every area kind of has it’s own dynamics going on there, so if you’re in a different place, you get a different kind of story. (like in an elven alliance city, you’d be better suited to tell an adventure story centering around complicated local politics, or city life, or etc.. whereas out in some isolated mountains in the south, it’d be more suited for a mystery story about stumbling across ancient ruins, or running into a mysterious traveler, etc.) 

Which I guess doesn’t matter much, since I'm better at setting, world design, character design, planning, and details than I am at plot, so  I probably won’t actually ever do anything with it (god forbid I tried to write a book or something with my utter inability to be concise/brief in any imaginable way). I can craft settings/characters/history/world-details all day endlessly, never losing inspiration or etc, but my weak point is actually telling stories within those settings and formulating a solid plan, organizing plot structures long term and etc.. Setting up everything for something to happen/creating a place where many interesting premises could occur is fine, but then actually thinking of how those things should OCCUR, or how the set up should play out, is where I get kind of lost. I guess the ideal at some point would be to have people working with me, helping when writing stories in my world/outlining games/etc, to add more cohesion/structure and reign in the unfocused stream of ideas,  but that’s very unlikely since I don’t have any close friends that are good at organizing or plotting either, etc. BUT anyway, even if I can’t ever manage to do anything with it, the whole “having a setting I can use for anything I want if anything ever comes up, which is already established and thus makes it much easier to formulate ideas because all the background work is already done for myself” thing is at least a nice goal.. in concept...theoretically lol..  

And, it’s not really too overwhelming, I think the overwhelming part is actually just formatting and producing those ideas in a consumable form. It’s not hard for me to keep track of 20 different groups and make backgrounds and every imaginable detail for them, but it IS hard to actually take all that information that exists in my head, type it out as a worldbuilding post, format and organize it, draw pictures to go with it, etc. If I could just post long stream of consciousness style 300,000 word long posts with no paragraph breaks, 4000 typos, barely any punctuation, etc., then I’d have A LOT more world-building info publicly available (since that’s what all the initial documents on my computer look like lol), but that’s just so inaccessible it’d be pointless to have public in the first place. The hard part isn’t really coming up with or managing the information, it’s just... organizing it all, and finding a way to share it. 

12. "oh PLEASE tell me what boing peach beverage the elf looks like"

a quick sketch of them.. mysterious peach (and other produce) salesman   

13. "fun question: what are ur fashion pet-peeves?"

Well, basically none because I hate when people are rigid over Fashion Rules or etc. Like, people who take pictures of others in public because they “look weird” , or who constantly trash on what people are allowed to wear, what patterns can be mixed with others, etc. etc. I get that some stuff can look kind of bad sometimes, and it’s not that I think nobody is allowed to criticize fashion trends or etc. (especially if they’re legitimately problematic, like of course someone wearing a homophobic t-shirt or doing blackface should be criticized), but I mean just like... that sort of trivial bitter criticism that doesn’t do anything but make people feel bad about the way they look or make them afraid to dress in ways they feel comfortable. Like taking a picture of someone and posting it online to make fun of them because they wore socks with sandals, or bullying 14 year olds who just started doing makeup and haven’t totally gotten their look sorted out yet, etc. etc. (ESPECIALLY since this can often intersect with classism, racism, etc. if you really examine what people mock as 'ugly' or 'unacceptable' styles, it's often stuff like men wearing dresses/makeup, women not shaving, clothing associated with poverty (like wearing “”cheap”” clothes), physical traits commonly associated with poc, making fun of people who look a certain way likely due to mental illness (like fidgeting, dirty mismatched clothing, carrying stuffed animals or comfort items in public etc.), etc. etc.

I find costumes and makeup and outfits to be a very cool and fun way to express myself. So when people are complete freaks about it and set out to just relentlessly make others feel bad for no good reason, it’s like... obnoxious... How can you take something with so much potential and limit it and close others off and turn it into this rigid hateful thing, when it should be something that everyone is able to be passionate about and appreciate?? Outside appearance isn't everything, but it's a tool of expression for so many people and can relate to who they are as a person, people should never feel uncomfortable to be who they are or look how they look just because some dumbass rich person writing for a style magazine has the gall to declare some random thing to be 'Unfashionable' despite not having a genuinely creative bone in their body, or some bigot thinks that certain things are ‘ugly’ or ‘unprofessional’ due to their own mental associations, etc.

But anyway, I guess if I had to choose a few things that I just think look kind of odd to me personally/are generally off-putting...  

--- the overdrawing lips thing when you can see the persons actual lip-line and it almost looks like they have two mouths or something? (if not done intentionally for costume makeup). It can look a little strange to me sometimes, like an optical illusion where you see multiple mouth lines at once?? idk like this?

--- freckles that are just round circles and really heavy and don’t look realistic (though again, I also realize this could just be the person’s first time drawing them on or something and I’m not  mocking for lack of skill, etc. I just mean that it’s a little strange to look at, not actually BAD though) (and it can also be intentional, like for a cartoony costume look) ---- People adopting cutesy/childlike fashion and clothing and sexualizing it or using it as part of their sex/kink stuff.. I just feel like anything associated with children should not be sexualized..? If the first thing someone thinks when seeing children's school uniforms or frilly little girl’s doll dresses or whatever is that it could be a Hot Thing then hhh... like why is your brain making those connections lol.. People can dress how they want for whatever reasons they want, but that’s always personally creeped me out a little. Similar to our culture’s obsession with looking young being ‘hot’ (like a grown man wanting someone who’s a legal adult but still “looks 16″ or etc.), where it’s like.. okay, I guess yeah outwardly you can make that choice, and maybe aren’t directly causing harm, but.. the underlying tones of it and etc. still make it very unsettling to witness lol... ---- anything appropriated obviously, as well as fetishization or bastardization of cultures, like t-shirts with Japanese writing on them Just For Aesthetic, or taking certain culturally or religiously significant symbols or etc. and adopting them as ‘just a silly fashion’ thing when you’re actually being disrespectful, etc.  ---- those shorts or whatever that go up extremely high on the hipbones always look a little weird to me lol, like they give a person funny proportions, 

(you may have to right click open image in new window and zoom to see the text, but it’s like.. the blank space makes it look kind of weird to me? Like there’s too much where there’s just nothing going on? idk. That’s just my personal preference though, obviously I tend to lean towards busy designs lol)

That’s all I can think of though, like I said, I’m really not picky or judgy about fashion since I think people should be able to do whatever they want for the most part. I’m not like a “omg stripes should NEVER be worn with plaid!!” type person or something lol. 

14. "Hey Luca! I love when you post about your world. Do you have a favorite species you've made up so far? Also, I hope you're holding up well during the crisis!"

AAaa thanks! I’m okay mostly. It’s distressing since because of my particular mental illness I already have constant paranoia and obsessions about health, so of course hearing about so much illness can be really triggering constantly and I’m preoccupied in never-ending anxiety spirals about mortality and etc. etc. etc. , but situationally, I’m just very thankful that nobody in my household has gotten sick yet and I desperately wish that will continue to be the case. *** *** *** 

(ignore the *** *** *** , this is a text version of a physical compulsion (a hand movement) that I have to do when I mention certain topics lol.. the little man in my brain that controls my obsessive compulsive disorder says I must do certain things after saying or thinking certain things,, You Know How It Is ) 

And I really love worldbuilding questions, so thank you so much!!!!! Hghgh maybe it seems weird to favor any over the others, but of course I really like the Avirre'thel. Conceptually, I think their origin story and connection to ancient elves and their abilities and etc. put them in a really unique position in the broader world (some of the only truly immortal people to exist, the only people who can still decipher ancient elven texts in a way that makes sense, etc. etc.). Since Nanyevimi (my world) is really just a setting being built so that in the future I can set things within it (games, short stories, etc.), I think I'm drawn to the aspects of it that have the most potential to make interesting characters, and there are definitely a lot of pre-established dynamics with the Avirre'thel/in Navyete (their home country) as a whole that would make it an good place to set certain things, or a good group for a main character to be from, etc.

I do really like the Jhevona as a species overall too, even if I haven't developed them as much, they also kind of stand out as having some fairly unique features that put them in an interesting position in the world (being one of the most magically capable groups that exists but that also having downsides (health issues and infertility from magic exposure, etc.), how the necessity to keep control over their magic influences their culture, being some of the only natural shape-shifters, etc.). Within that, I REALLY love the Thastanri (a subspecies of Jhevona), like their connection to dreams, the Imkasyn, being one of the last few peoples in contact with real dragons, etc. etc. There are a lot of complex things going on in their area, so there’d be a lot of potential to tell a variety of stories or have interesting characters from that group. 

AND, though it's supposed to be Unknown in the world so I won't talk about it just in case I ever write a book one day or something and need to preserve at least a FEW mysteries that I don't just outright explain in worldbuilding posts, Jhevona do have the most interesting origins of any species in my opinion. There are some things from before the timeline break sort of thing (where all recorded history was seemingly wiped and everyone had a big memory loss about 50,000 yrs ago) that people aren't aware of anymore... but Jhevona used to have a cool backstory and quite interesting function in society prior to that. There are some remnants in the genetics of the species and how their magic works (at least for certain groups) that kind of hint at how ancient Jhevona used to look and what they used to do, even though in the modern day things are very different.

15. "Top 10 songs you've been listening to lately?"

I don’t have a top 10 since I listen to everything for different reasons, and don’t have as deep a relationship with music the way some people do (like I don’t really have a favorite band or group I have a connection with that’s “gotten me through hard times”, or music I cry to/any songs that are specifically personally emotionally meaningful to me, etc., etc.), but here’s a quick playlist of a few favorite-ish things I’ve had in my head a lot recently - 

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPmQ4SZdFFHNkgKo7nAiEMgVvLcycX5Qc

the last song on the list specifically I’ve been replaying a lot for some reason, I guess since it’s good background music as there’s no words. Particularly the part that starts around like 38 seconds in, something about that melody reminds me of something distant, in a dreamlike way. The past few days I mostly alternate between that song, Outstanding, and And The Beat Goes On  lol

16. " Do you ever sell sculptures? I really like that little fawn!"

Yeah, I hope to eventually! Like I mentioned in question number three, if I can set up some sort of way to do auctions or etc, then maybe I can sell that one! 

17 & 18 : '"aaa yay!! i missed your outfits!!!" / "can I just say love ur outfits! They're so cool and inspire me to draw my ocs with new outfits > o < and I love your cat too, please give him a big ol pat!"

Thank you!!!! more compliments posted just to show I appreciate them lol, even if I don’t publicly respond to every one~ And, the Boyes appreciate the pats.. here is them.. big babbeys... 

[chibivesicle]

Golden Kamuy chapter 203.  If only we could go back to the way it was before. . . .

. . . that is the way it was before Abashiri, before Karafuto, before chapter 137.  I don’t have some cute tagline or phrase for this chapter instead it seems to call back a time in the story before things changed.  Not that things drastically changed, just that a lot of the recent events had results that will impact several of the main cast members.  The color cover for this week’s chapter really captures the idea of earlier times.

The color cover has Sugimoto, Asirpa and Shiraishi all running forward together and the only person with a current winter outfit is Asirpa with her hood that she’s been wearing since getting to Karafuto.  Sugimoto’s facial scars are pre-Abashiri and Shiraishi is not wearing mittens or a hat etc.  Everything about this cover gives the readers a sense of nostalgia about these three lovable [idiots] when their powers of silliness combine.

Since they’ve been reunited their powers of silliness have been lost.  Too many things have happened to them and they have not talked about their feelings as a group either.  I’ll get into that in a bit.

The chapter picks up with team Tsukishima pinned down by Vasily’s sniping skills.  It is clear it must be early-ish in the day b/c an old man with a sled comes by and Tsukishima and Koito both yell at him to stop so he doesn’t get shot by a sniper.

But he’s able to slide on by and Tsukishima finally raises his cap again only for it to not get shot at this time.  He simply states that Sugimoto managed to make it there.  And by this point Tsukishima’s leadership of Sugimoto is pretty much shown to be let him run wild.  And with that Asirpa is off to see if Sugimoto is okay.  What is most interesting is that Tanigaki is still sweating and nervous but Asirpa is peeking over him just like when she was watching Ogata in 169.  I love how Asirpa runs off, ignoring Tanigaki’s cry of “Asirpa!!” with her bow and arrows ready for action.

She’s sweating a little and a bit nervous but this is all out of concern for Sugimoto.  The action turns to Sugimoto holding his bayonet towards Vasily while he inspects his artwork.  He asks Vasily if he knows Ogata, did he tell him to attack them and impatiently asks were he is.  But all we know so far is that Vasily is a very talented sniper and artist.  With his various drawings of Ogata.  Ogata wearing his cloak looking menacing, Ogata wearing the ushanka smiling, Ogata aiming his rifle to snipe, Ogata in profile looking pensive . . . I personally want to know how he got references for all of these Ogata poses?  Does he have a photographic memory?

I also suspect that Vasily’s drawings of Ogata are a bit of word play since the kanji for cat and draw look almost similar. . . . I just put in the phrase draw a cat and this is what it looks like.

Sugimoto tries to question him in Japanese, but it is clear that Vasily does not understand, him so he uses his self portrait and the Ogata with the rifle sketch to demonstrate that they shot at each other and he got shot in the chin.

Vasily then reveals the rest of his sketches of the group, Shiraishi, Asirpa and Kiro so this means he got a good enough look at them with his binoculars to sketch them out.  Sugimoto separates Shiraishi and Asirpa away from Kiro and Ogata to try to explain that they aren’t the problem that Ogata and Kiro are/were the problem.   Ogata is the “bad one” as it results in  some Ogata fist smashing camaraderie and Sugimoto very poorly tries to explain that Ogata shot him in the head, but Vasily thinks he’s drawing a spider (a reference likely to the Spiderman X Golden Kamuy thing).  Sugimoto’s art skills really would even leave Bob Ross at a loss of a nice thing to say . . .  Note that Sugimoto says that Ogata was working with Kiro and he shot Sugimoto and Nopperabou (not Wilk) which means Wilk never earned Sugimoto’s respect to be called by his given name. . ..

Sugimoto also tries to draw Ogata’s dramatic escape from the Russian hospital, with him naked on the horse with an arrow still stuck in his eye and the extra text of “ Ogata nigeta = Ogata escaped/fled”.  It is interesting that he wrote this in kana for Vasily, who can’t understand what he’s saying anyways. 

Sugimoto boldly declares that Asirpa shot Ogata with a poison arrow and he he doesn’t think she ment to do it so it ws his job to cut out the eye and save him.  Things get more serious as he says he didn’twant her to be tainted by his death.

What I find to be the most important page of this chapter is this one where Asirpa almost enters the room.  Sugimoto is explaining in Japanese to Vasily (who can’t understand a damn thing he’s saying) about Asirpa.  Asirpa’s shadow is seen through the partially open sliding doors.  She’s got her bow and it is clear she can hear what he’s saying and just a touch of her is visible her hair, fur cloak and shoe. 

Sugimoto then goes on to explain that by Asirpa including him in the world with her, he feels that her seeing him is cleansing him in some way.  Even though Sugimoto is sure he’s going to hell, he states he feels like he’s been saved. 

Those are some mightly strong words and expectations to place on Asirpa. Therefore, he needs to protect her from doing bad things, like killing others (which she was doing a pretty good job of not killing others before he got involved) and that he feels like she has saved him. 

The bottom part of the panel with the closeup on Asirpa’s face is so emotional.  Some sunlight dramatically shines through but she does not look happy at hearing these words at all.

There is a sadness to this scene; her lips are turned down, her eyes look soft and disappointed.  She’s gazing down at him from a distance.  Even more so,  she does not announce her presence to him, she does not run to him screaming “Sugimoto!”, she silently is watching him.   Sugimoto’s facial expression is partially covered and it looks like his eyes are likely closed or barely open and he has a soft smile while he says these things.  He’s okay with this arrangement but Asirpa is not.  I may be as bold to state that Sugimoto has shown that their partnership is not equal, he will continue to sin and do bad things but it is okay b/c Asirpa is there to remain pure and save him.  Asirpa has become his own religious idol to protect and worship.

The next page shows that the rest of the boys rushed after her as indicated by the little puffs (except for Koito, we know he’s a good sprinter).  Asirpa then recognizes at him as one of the men from the border who were actively waiting to attack Kiro.  Tsukishima is then able to take the lead in communicating with Vasily and explains that Kiro is death and Ogata has fled. 

Tsukishima is trying to make it clear to Vasily that they are not involved with the apparent partisan activities and that their job was to rescue Asirpa.  Some time later, they leave the place where Vasily was sniping from and the run into Shiraishi out on the street near their dogsleds.

Shiraishi is - pissed.  He’s on crutches; this means that all alone he dragged himself to a doctor or hospital on his own to get treatment.  He has much to say to Vasily, that he should confirm if a person is around before shooting someone in the leg.  I find it very interesting here that Shiraishi does not tell Vasily to have confirmed that Ogata was around before shooting him, just that a person is around.  Maybe this is a nuance in Japanese and the context that they are referring to Ogata is implied, but really, Tsukishima, Tanigaki, Koito and Sugimoto were all quick to put Ogata’s name to Vasily.  Shiraishi does not do that.  I wonder if Shiraishi was suspicious that the shooter was not Ogata?  He has a pretty good read on people due to his friendly nature.  

He also wants an apology from Vasily in Russian at least for shooting him.  Tsukishima translates for Vasily. But Vasily reveals his wound implying that he’s unable to speak. 

Based on Vasily’s removal of his facial shield/scarf and Shiraishi’s reaction it looks pretty bad.  Shiraishi gives Vasily some good advice.  He tells him to head back to Russia quickly and double insults him by calling him a “baka aho”.  So double idiot, with the kanto baka for idiot and the kansai aho also for idiot.  I wonder where Shiraishi is from?  Did he pick this up from moving around in the prison system?  Or does he just want to insult him double?

They leave Shisuka along a frozen river with lumber ready to be driven down the river in spring.  I’m curious who the log drivers would be in this time period, local Japanese on Karafuto or other groups doing it?  I’ve included an handy NFB video of log drivers in Canada.  Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upsZZ2s3xv8

Completely ignoring Shiraishi’s advice to give up on Ogata and head back to Russia, Vasily is following them at a distance on horseback.  Shiraishi is nervous and concerned, we see him sweating.  And Shiraishi has every right to be upset and concerned b/c the man fucking shot him.  Now Vasily has stolen a horse to follow them in hope of running into Ogata.

Shiraishi wonders if he thinks they are still associated with the assassins who killed the Tsar (Sofia, Kiro, Wilk) and he wonders if Vasily thinks that they are lying.  These are vaild questions for Shiraishi to ask since he knows more about Wilk, Kiro and Sofia than Sugimoto does.

Asirpa then takes command of the conversation as she thinks back to all of Vasily’s drawings that included all of them.  She mentions that the pictures oft them were drawn on the back of the wanted poster for Kiro.  She believes that this means that he’s no longer interested in Kiro.

Does this really imply that Vasily understands that Kiro is dead in the first place? - how the hell would he have known, Shiraishi is the one who buried him.  I think drawing on the back of Kiro’s wanted poster just implies how obsessed Vasily is about Ogata and this beats his duty to kill Kiro (if they are lying).

What is the significance of her making this observation?  Finding out that they were all drawn on Kiro’s wanted poster? Or is she curious about who made the original wanted poster or passed it along to the the border guards?

Shiraishi then chimes in to mention that what will happen if they are all together when/if they meet Ogata again will this help Vasily meet him as well. 

Sugimoto thinks that Vasily will pursue Ogata until one of them is dead, b/c the idea is that “If I’m not dead, then I haven’t lost . . .” [the sniper battle].  Geez, who else seems to work with that very idea in mind?  Sugimoto.  Does Sugimoto have more in common with Vasily than he’d like to admit?

Interestingly, the page is split by a view of the tall conifers that they are traveling between in a clear cut area.  This is a nice indication of a pause in the conversation as they continue to move.  Asirpa finally speaks again but we can’t see her face.  She wonders if Ogata will comes back?

Sugimoto is quick to reply that because she is the key to finding the gold it is quite possible Ogata will show up again.  Asirpa’s first speech bubble is “. . . .” indicating that the really wants to say something but seems hesitant.  She finally mentions that if she were the key to the gold, why would Ogata have pulled his rifle on her during their stand off?  That implies he wanted to kill her.

Asirpa is beginning to wonder what Ogata’s reasoning for those actions were.  Sugimoto has no reply and stoically looks forward with a bit of a frown.

On the next page he finally speaks, wondering if Ogata is just messing around with everyone.  This is such a dramatic panel.  A single text bubble surrounded by a clear cut path through the forest.  With a single lynx crossing the trail in front of them leaving paw prints in the snow.

I first looked at this panel to decide if the lynx was behind them or in front of them.  I’m reading it so that the lynx is in front of them.  First off, there are no sled marks and husky paw prints in the snow before them, the lynx is leaving a clear path on fresh snow.  In this very chapter we saw sled marks here:

The entire conversation between Asirpa, Sugimoto and Shiraishi revolves around meeting Ogata again - it does not make sense for him to be following them, instead with the language of meeting again, the lynx crossing their future path makes a lot more sense.  Note that the lynx is completely perpendicular to their path, does this imply that he truly has a different goal than everyone else that intersects with them?

In chapter 169 he chose to follow Asirpa, Kiro and Shiraishi and separated from the lone lynx path.

I think it is safe to say that the lynx crossing the path before them implies that he will be back and it will be driven not by him following them but by choosing his own path that will reconnect with them.

On their way south, they stop by the lighthouse of the Russian couple who saved them during the snow squall/whiteout conditions.

Sugimoto is chatting with Asirpa while narrating the events.  He states how the only person who knows the trush is Sofia, and he’d like to go to the mainland to talk to her . . . For some odd reason Sugimoto doesn’t ask Shiraishi or Asirpa about what they know about the plan . . .  or about her.  I wonder if this would be an excuse to keep running away for him.  How would he even talk to her?

He states that Tsukishima had his own orders and he will follow them - bring Asirpa back to Hokkaido.

Tsukishima succeeds in delivering the letter from Svetlana to her parents as well as her photo.  Her parents cry as they read it but they clearly appreciate Tsukishima’s actions going to the extent to make sure that Svetlana explained her actions to her parents.  Her mother hugs Tsukishima in thanks and he responds in the most Tsukishima fashion possible; he looks awkward as she hugs him and he does not hug her back.  But based on what we know about his own personal life and background he wouldn’t be much of a hugger to begin with.   I think this is a good depiction of how he’d react.

Sugimoto then also states Tanigaki joined them to bring Asirpa back to Huci (no mention of Inkarmat or his revenge since that was between Kiro and Tanigaki only).  Tanigaki is blushing a little and looks proud of what they’ve done so far as the woman hugs Tsukishima - is he thinking of his own family?

Oddly, he does not even mention Koito who blankly looks at them.  Asirpa is speaking with Sugimoto up with the lighthouse lamp. She tells him that Kiro and Sofia were going to gather comrades on the continent and then come to Japan.  She also makes it clear that Sofia is not the type of person to flee.  She looks contimplative as she says this looking out and not facing Sugimoto.

The chapter then goes to a port town in Russia on the Sea of Japan.  Some of Sofia’s men are getting beat up by Gansoku.  She then steps in as their boss but he refuses to fight a woman.  She proceeds to punch him several times and he loves it, so he agrees to duke it out with her.  To show she’s serious she rips her dress open and the two of them begin to box, landing blows on each other.  Again, she’s introduced to someone in part through her very large breasts - which I’m beginning to wonder if they are symbolic of the fact that she’s an incredibly strong woman.  I’ve seen a lot of manga breasts over the years (oh so many manga boobs -_-) and hers, well, I read them as less sexual and more that they signify of her gender in society.  It could just be that Sofia is a strong leader, but the focus on her breasts indicate that she has nothing to hide and she shows it all.  I get this feminist “I am woman hear me roar” vibe from her.  Hell, her breasts cover the ending text for the chapter.

When Sofia was introduced in chapter 169 her breasts were key to the reader learning that she mastermind of the Tsar’s assassination was a woman, not a man.  The only other bare female breasts that have been shown in the entire series are: O-gin’s during her sex scene with Kei (which by the way, she’s topping him) and are normal looking; and the Uilta woman breast feeding a child (leading to a Shiraishi leering joke).  But that’s about it for the bare breast related scenes (there are minor ones with coal miners and a few sex workers but really). . .  I guess there is the scene in Yubari when Inkarmat is tied up and Cikapasi is making the odd breast comments but I’d prefer to ignore that instance since thankfully the Inkarmat related boob jokes decreased over time.

I hypothesize that Sofia’s breasts are symbolic as her role as a mother figure and a leader of others.  Asirpa lost her mother young, Ogata as well, many of these characters need a mother, someone to take care of them and to love and accept them for who they are.  It is clear in this manga that fathers expect their children to become something, but I’d say the role of a mother is to accept children.

Back to the chapter, Sofia has proven that she’s one tough woman and with all the rest of the men with her, she’s proving that she still has the support of her fellow men.  This is critical, it indicates that Sofia will become more important as the story progresses.  And at the very end she makes is clear that unlike Gansoku and Svetlana heading to St. Petersburg to make it big as crazy radicals running around - Sofia is heading to Hokkaido.  Why?  For her hopes for her revenge.   The men who killed Kiro are going to be heading back to Hokkaido.  Looks like she will be in search of the 27th and it will lead her to Tsurumi which will be more than interesting if they cross paths. 

She visited the grave that Shiraishi made for Kiro here.

She tells him good bye, which is just so touching.  The entire scene is so well done, her emotion is so evident that she’s upset that she lost him.

I think the focus on the makkiri is that I think she added an additional mark to it, there was one on the sheath but there is an additional one on the handle now.  I need to go back and double check but, I think she’d be polite enough the make sure it is damaged for him.  I know people had previously noted that the makkiri was already damaged during the story but it has more marks on it now.

Time for crazy theories and observations.

1.) The Golden Trio has changed and cannot go back to the way they once were. 

Ever since Sugimoto, Shiraishi and Asirpa have reunited their interactions have felt forced, awkward or they aren’t being honest with each other.  Shiraishi never abandoned Asirpa as Sugimoto asked, he did save Shiraishi on the drift ice but he never thanked him for staying with her.  Asirpa almost gave Ogata the trust and acceptance he wanted via the code.  Since reuniting, Sugimoto is bent on protecting her purity, she would not be the one to kill Ogata, she must keep her hands clean etc.

Shiraishi is a good friend to Sugimoto even though he was terrified he would kill him over being forced to work for Hijikata, but Sugimoto saved him from the 27th and that was when Sugimoto first told him to not abandon Asirpa. 

Shiraishi is now in mourning over Kiro’s death.  The only person who likely feels the same as him is Asirpa but she was in total shock about Kiro dying and shooting Ogata.  He didn’t quite understand Kiro’s reasons or his cause but he was friends with him.  Even though he was suspicious of Wilk’s death and Sugimoto’s “death” he went with Kiro b/c he was his friend and he trusted him.  Even with Kiro and Ogata told him he could go, he stayed.  By going with them, he did lead to Kiro’s death . . .

Add into this fact that no one let Asirpa try to save Shiraishi, and he had to take himself to the hospital to get treated while Sugimoto’s playing pictionary with Vasily totally cool with the fact that man sniped Shiraishi and now they are drawing together?

Asirpa is finally starting to look alive and she’s thinking.  She’s no longer in shock, she was eating with the other kids with the Karafuto Ainu grandma, she was separted from the adults and is likely keeping her distance trying to figure out where she fits in.  This chapter really highlights her awareness coming back, she recognizes Vasily as one of the border guards who shot at them and knew who they were.  She also wonders what Ogata’s goal is, he pulled his rifle on her, but I think she knows it was more than just about her calling him a liar and untrusthworthy.  Asirpa is smart, she likely finds Sugimoto’s answers do not give her what she’s looking for.

This chapter made me feel so sad about Asirpa.  I think she disapproves of Sugimoto’s little monologue to Vasily about her staying clean even if it makes his hands dirtier.  She doesn’t want him to do that.

This flashback/dream sequence in chapter 167 always made me wonder what it meant.  It starts with Toraji wanting to go home, him a crybaby as a child leaving Umeko and their child behind.  Did he actually tell Sugimoto he wanted to go home as he was dying on the sled?

It continues on to showing him brutally killing Russian soliders here. Dead Japanese lay before him, his boots move forward next to a single hand.  A man aims his bayonet at him.  A house is on fire, with dead horses and other bodies on the ground (is this referring to his own family home?  Did he slaughter their animals when he burnt the house down and abandon it?)  Or is this something he did during the war?  He bayonets a man, he beats another man with a brick.  Everything here is violence and fury.

The sequence continues with him stabbing another man up close.  He looks like a monster, his eyes are white with a streak as blooed is everywhere.  Then a voice says “Sugimoto” surrounded by light as Asirpa’s right hand touches his shoulder.  Turns to face her, tears pouring out of his eyes before he thinks, “Asirpa” over only light.

Here it looks like Asirpa is Sugimoto’s savior, reaching out to quell his violence and calm him down with his bloody hands.  When reading chapter 203, I immediately tied these two things together with this scene in the chapter.  She has the light streaming down around her, but she looks so sad upon hearing that. 

Asirpa appears both separated and above Sugimoto here, she looks down upon him with some disappointment and detachment.  I think she doesn’t want him to sacrifice himself for her.  I wonder if she begins to think about what Ogata said here in 187.  This entire page serves as a soapbox for Ogata to question his view of pure people.  Individuals that he believes were trained by their fathers to have a higher place in the world to lead the rest of them due to their purity.  Until Ogata corrects me, I am under the feeling that Ogata believes that Wilk was raising her to be like his brother, just like Hanazawa.  An individual who remains pure to wash away the sins of the rest in battle.  He points out the hypocrisy of this, (if it is truly what Wilk intended).  Now, of course she’s confused, he’s given her no context for his reasoning, the readers know that, but she doesn’t.  Instead, in this moment Ogata is asking her if the Ainu icon must remain pure?  He father taught her to do everything else but kill.

To test her purity he tells her to kill him b/c pure people do not exist and that she should kill him.  She hesitates so he tells her that he shot her father.  When she refuses to kill him after he makes his confession, he has no choice but to respond and he give it one last try to convince her to shot him,  to threaten her back (which I don’t think he wanted to get it to this point, but he’s desperate).

Is he talking to Asirpa?  Or Yuusaku?  Or just to the universe in general?  Maybe all three?  Maybe none.  Only Ogata knows who he is talking to.  Now with things settling down and Sugimoto’s statements about Asirpa - I think it has started to get her to reflect on Ogata’s meltdown on ice.  That shows here in this chapter . . . she doesn’t come out and say things exactly, but she suspects Ogata may have motivations besides the gold, personal motivations.  I don’t think she’s realized he was upset by her rejecting him and choosing Sugimoto over him.  But she knows that he was facing something else as well that day.

Sugimoto tries to keep it simple, if he wants the gold he needs her.  But he threatened her which goes against him wanting the gold, so Sugimoto’s only answer is that he’s just messing around with everyone. 

Based on Ogata’s personality that doesn’t make sense.  He’s far too rational to just be like “Hey guys, I’m a wildcat so I need to stir some shit up! Nya!”  Keep in mind just b/c Ogata’s motivations are still unclear, this chapter doesn’t mean he lacks motivations.  If Ogata truly had no motivation he would have died by this point; he’s had enough close calls if he wanted to give up he could.  Sugimoto’s statement about Ogata is through the filter of Sugimoto, who isn’t the best judge of Ogata to begin with.

I can’t shake the feeling that Sugimoto has more to his dislike of Ogata than we know yet.  And myself among many others want to know about his backstory with Toraji - it has changed over time.  The flashback/dream in 167 gave us more information than what Sugimoto starts out with in the beginning.  I can’t shake the feeling that Sugimoto felt like he betrayed Toraji or something so now he gets his knickers in a bunch over Ogata betraying specifically but no one else.

There is so much tension between these three characters.  I have a bad feeling about things.  I can’t get it out of the back of my mind that Asirpa will separate from the group looking for answers or Sofia.  Asirpa is back to being more proactive, showing more emotion and she’s thinking about things now with some distance from events.  Really, the “Golden Trio” as many people call them is a giant mess. . .

2. Sofia is the mother all of these lost children are looking for.

Yep, I’m back to Sofia’s breasts and the fact that I think they symbolize that she is the mother many of these characters are missing.  The fact that she called Kiro a kid more than once, when he sent her the letter in prison with the milk ink and when she was at his ice grave.  This casual language that she uses with him to me implies that Sofia and Wilk were older than Kiro and saw them as such.  Even though his death revealed to us that he loved her, Wilk was the one she was romantically interested in.  When the Siberian tiger attacks the men, she’s the one who is able to ride it yet she gives it the space it needs. Yes, people consider it bad luck to kill one but she also took a much more soft stance on the tiger - live and let live.  Her approaches thus far from what little we’ve seen are much more similar to Ogata - don’t waste effort killing when it is not necessary.  Lastly, even her name implies she has more on the rest of the cast, her name literally means “wisdom”.  She has to lead others with her wisdom then.

Asirpa - She needs to talk to Sofia more.  Being raised by Wilk and her Huci meant she has some female love but not her mother’s love.  Asirpa has been raised like a boy for the most part; going back to the idea that the fathers in this manga raise their “sons” to fulfill roles; e.g. Koito’s older brother and Koito himself now, Hanazawa with Yuusaku, Asirpa etc.  The problem is talking to Sofia, her Japanese is terrible, we know she can speak Russian and French.

Who will be the translator for her?  For Russian it could be Ogata or Tsukishima.  Since Tsukishima is one of the men who shot Kiro and based on his dramatic escape, I think Ogata would be the likely candidate. For French, I’m hedging my bets on Koito - @goldenkamuyhunting brought up a long time ago that all officers could speak a foreign language.  We know he doesn’t speak Russian,  English wasn’t popular enough yet, so the likely options are French or Chinese.  Since Koito’s motorbike was a gift to him from his father’s acquaintance in France, I’d bet they are French and he can speak French.  We still have the problem of Koito killing Kiro as well, but now that Koito is suspicious of Tsukishima, maybe he’ll go to her in search of answers. . .

Ogata - This man needs a “real” mother to care and accept him as is.  His own mother ignored him in the hopes Hanazawa would come for her.  He got his mental wires crossed with Asirpa;  sometimes he let her mother him but she’s not a mother, she’s a child. 

They can easily speak Russian together and he may want to seek revenge for Kiro.  Ogata may have disagreed with some of Kiro’s methods and end goals but I think he respected the guy.  Keep in mind that when Ogata thought Tanigaki killed Tamai and Co. he was very very upset about this.  He pursued this twice, first when he tried to snipe Tanigaki and then when he followed him in the swamp.  Ogata put a lot of emotion and effort into things, he clearly cared about Tamai at least and resolving things. 

Yes, Ogata shot Wilk, but clearly Kiro gave him a reason that would lead him to do it in the first place.  I think this will be a discussion between him and Sofia.  Ogata has a lot of information.  Information about Tsurumi, about the 27th, the people the locations.  If he teams up with Sofia, she will have a greater advantage, one that Sugimoto lacks since Tsukishima and Koito aren’t going to give him intel he needs about the 27th.

Koito - If Sofia can reconcile her differences with Koito in regards to killing Kiro, I think they can have many important discussions.  Koito’s a good solder and loyal to a fault.  She may see that he’s become disillusioned b/c he spent all these years in awe of Tsurumi, willing to do anything for him only to realise he’s the man who resulted in his kidnapping and childhood trauma.  If she accepts that he did what he did following Tsurumi’s orders she may give him a pass.  He’s a rich kid like her, the kidnapping may have given him trauma, but it did not change his attitude towards others e.g. commoners.  Koito has yet to really understand why Ogata would have called him a rich brat in the first place (twice!!). 

Koito has struggled with leadership since he was first introduced being pushy and impulsive.  I think Sofia could be a steady hand to guide him.  He needs someone who went from being an elite to working with anyone and everyone.  Right now that is where he’s stuck.  He can order people to do things but he always thinks about how it will impact him and what Tsurumi would think of him.  Sofia doesn’t just think about herself, she thinks of others.  I really really hope she can talk to him.

I also hope she can bring resolution between Ogata and Koito.  Those two need to get over their dislike of each other - I wish Ogata would at least see that Koito wasn’t groomed to do exactly what father says without question.  Now that he’s planted a seed of doubt about Tsurumi, I think if Koito does turn on him, Ogata needs to let go and accept that Koito got there on his own.

Tsurumi used his fatherly charm on Koito to be his savior and reconnect with his own father.  But Tsurumi’s fatherly mentorship is all about shaping these men into what they become for him; Ogata, Tsukishima, Koito, Usami etc.  I want more of Ogata’s backstory to see how he worked his fatherly magic on him.  All of these men changed b/c of Tsurumi’s influence on them.  He didn’t accept them and love them as is, he changed them for his own needs and goals.

Shiraishi - the next time Sofia sees him, I want her to give him a big hug.  When he comes into contact with her large womanly chest, he will go into bliss and reach a new level as he becomes catonic.  She would not have escaped if it were for his skills.  He’s been a good ally to her and he buried Kiro.  Shiraishi is a good guy.  I think she would be able to give him that respect.

Sugimoto and Tanigaki - With Sugimoto’s strength as shown through his encounters with Ushiyama and Gansoku, I think Sugimoto will want to brawl with her.  I want her to kick his ass.  Tanigaki’s entire reason for going to Karafuto was to pursue Kiro to kill him over Inkarmat for revenge.  If she finds out he was there for revenge for a woman he loved and didn’t stay with her when she was in critical condition . . . Sofia can seek revenge for Kiro, she has no one to leave behind, and alone with Tsurumi like Tanigaki left Inkarmat.

I see only one option for these two men.  Sofia gets a wooden spoon.  She proceeds to spank them with it. 

Sugimoto and Tanigaki are both acting on the behalf of women/girls; Umeko and Asirpa and Inkarmat.  None of these women asked them to do the things they are doing.  Sofia enlighten them please!

Tsukishima - I don’t know what I want Sofia to do with him.  Sometimes I’m afraid he’s too far gone and accepting of his role in Tsurumi’s plans.  Unless she’s able to tell him her role wiht Hasegawa and he figures out he was Tsurumi.  Again, if she can get over the fact he shot Kiro maybe?  I’m worried about Tsukishima again - I was hoping he’d be more questioning of Tsurumi but maybe he’s just too far set in his resignation to his fate?

[redstone-sun]

TRSNS: Angst Ending

[ruvigapo]

Hi do you have maybe some tips for someone who is learning how to use water colour? What brand of water colors to use etc. ??

Hi! Sure i guess.♡ Keep in mind that while i wouldn't say i'm a beginner i'm definitely still learning too.

I will uh.. i'll edit this post this afternoon with some tips lol (note to self to not use the tumblr app in the morning lest your thumb slip and post an unfinished post XD)

((Or maybe i am still a beginner, idk. Okay yeah i'm a beginner but i can give some tips.))

Okay so, i'm home. Been a long day. Here are some tips.

Honestly though, i'm Definitely not an expert when it comes to watercolour specifically. I've used it since i was a kid but i only really got the hang of it resently and i'm definitely still learning.

1. So honestly my first advise is to just look at a lot of different tutorials and ask a lot of different people. This goes for most mediums, but there are a lot of different ways to use water colour to achieve the look that you want and a lot of people do it differently bc it's so versitile.

2. This is a given, but honestly, there's no better teacher than experience. The more you try something out and try doing it in different ways, the more you'll be able to find what works for you. That's really important i think.

This is a tangent, but I took a water colour summer course once and i learn a lot of cool stuff, but i also learnt through a lot of trial and error that my style of water colour was very different from how it's traditionally taught here. Partially because i'm impatient and can barely wait for the layers to dry (this, btw, is honestly a must in water colour tho so that's really gotten better on my end with practice) and partially because a lot of the techniques i learnt were good for landscape painting but dificult when drawing more complicated pieces in my opinion. They're still great techniques but i also learnt to take inspiration from other sources that more closely match what i like to paint.

And the more i learn the more i find that i am also able to incorporate traditional techniques that before seemed very dificult for me.

3. As for art supplies, i honestly wouldn't worry too much about it. Especially as a beginner. I always say that the tool doesn't make the artist, the artist makes the artist. In the end, the most important tool you will ever need is your mind.

I'm also not very good with what brands are high quality and which aren't so there's that frankly.

I'd say ask around and look into what brands are available to you. Most standard water colour sets are good and last a long time. Then you can of course expand your tool arsenal. I'd recomend a bigger pallet just because i'm the kinda person who really enjoys mixing and trying out a lot of different colours and therefore need a lot of space to mix colours.

Also i'd say look into what type of brushes you prefer, and pay attention which brushes are water colour brushes and which are acrylic brushes bc they're pretty different.

Really high quality brushes are usually made with animal hair, which makes it able to hold a lot of water and pigment. I don't like them much personally bc i don't use a lot of water for my drawings as a general rule (mostly because they're doodles and the paper in my sketch book doesn't hold water all that well). (And also sometimes the hairs fall off from the brush and get stuck in my drawing 😬... they're worth checking out though.)

But try out different types of brushes and see what you like. It might be tempting to get a very tiny brush for tiny details but honestly, a medium size does the same work just fine with a light hand in my opinion. And depending on wether you want to paint big or small, what size brush you need will vary. I know that art supplies can be expensive though, so don't feel like you Have to get the most expensive thing when you're just starting out.

4. Speaking of just staring out... honestly, don't even worry about using up your supplies and feeling like every single thing you make has to be perfect. It's not going to be perfect. And not only is that okay but it's nessesary. Not to mention that perfection is wholy a myth and can't be achieved so don't even worry. Quantity over quality i always say. The quality will come with time and work. Which is why i always recomend cheaper brands anyway because you will be painting A Lot to git gud, as they say, but that might just be me.

5. Back to brands

Honestly Please invest in a good paper at least once. It doesn't have to be Fantastic, it just needs to hold water. I'm not even joking, the quality of your paper does wonders for the quality of your drawing. Can you make water colour look good on normal paper? Sure. Case in point, all of the things i paint. But honestly, if not for the sake of a result, then try it out for the sake of experience. Try different things. See what works for you. I honestly do recomend starting out with a good water colour paper since the result will be miles better and you'll feel way more encurraged to continue. That's the one supply i'm adamant about trying honestly. But again, budget wisely young padawan. And if you ever feel scared to use your supplies bc they were expensive and you don't want to waste it.. again nothing is a waste, everything you draw is stored as knowlege in your brain that you'll use to make better art in the future. Nothing is a waste. But if you're like me and the anxiety really hinders you, just get a cheaper paper. I like to paint in my sketch book bc it feels like a diary to me and it doesn't have to be perfect and if i screw up it's still fine. I'll tape it over and start again.

Okay so.. i realise that this is rambly and maybe a bit preachy and not very specific. Starting out can be scary and you want all the things in the right place and you want things to go well every time you paint even though you know it's not going to at first. But you just have to start somewhere and keep going from there. Bc if you never start, where will you be?

So honestly, if you don't have any supplies on hand, just go to the nearest place that sells art supplies and get yourself some good paper and a water colour set and just go ham trying out the colours.

Here are some of the water colour things i've watched over the years to help me in geting started.

This last guy i only found the other week. He does a more trafitional style, more in line with how i was taught at that one summer class thing. So it's always nice to look at different ways to do the thing you want to do.

6. Water colour to me has always been tricky. It's water so it flows, and for a while, that was frustrating because i wasn't able to control it i thought. I prefered using markers but honestly, markers are way more expencive than water colours and you can't mix them and get as much if a clean finish, so now i only use water colour to colour my drawings.

But for a while i avoided water colour and instead opted to use guache. Guache is mostly used in illustrations bc they're easy to layer since the paint is opaque. It's much more forgiving than water colours, so if you want, buy a couple tubes of guache and try that. You don t need that many. I use cyan magenta and two types of yellow as well as white. Any art teacher will tell you that with practice you can mix almost every colour from those colours. I almost never use blacj anymore. Unless i'm lazy, in which case i'll jusr add a layer of black water colour on top of the guache. (GUACHE CAN BE EXPENSIVE THOUGH, DON'T FORGET TO BUDGET)

There are opaque water colours but most aren't i believe. That's where the main difference between guache and water colour comes in. See, in water colour, traditionally, you aren't supposed to use white to lighten a colour. Instead you use water to dilude the pigment. This gives a much more clean and crisp finish. You can do this with guache also, but since quache is already opaque it will still have that same grainy look wether you dilude it with water or mix it with white or both. I mean... i personally love the grainy look so... it's very story book-ish.

With guache bring opaque that also means you can paint over mistakes and start over pretty much, so again, guache is much more forgiving. Once the white of the page is gone when you use water colour, you can't get that back without adding white guache on top, which honwstly just looks messy imo. So be aware of that.

7. Let layers dry before adding another one or the colours will bleed together. Learning to be patient is key. But if you're like me you can just use a hair dryer tbh.

8. If you're using a good paper, you can experiment with a lot more water. Taping down the paper helps bc the paper will swell a lot and buckle when you add a lot of water. (Press it between a butt load of books to get it somewhat flat again).

You can try taking a spunge or a wide brush and add a layer of water before adding the pigment. It can have some interesting results.

You can also leave the paper dry and just paint layers like you would with markers. Both work. Water bleeds more but that's really cool in landscape painting so if that's something you want to try, def experiment with letting the colours bleed together.

9. Oh and don't forget to swatch out your colours when you get them. Water colour dry lighter than it looks when you put down the colour, so swatching helps with determining what colours you want where.

There are So Many videos on the subject honestly. I like to watch videos while i paint. It's fun.

Okay so this is long enough i think. I barely grazed the tip of the proverbial iceberg but i hope it helped.

I really encurrage anyone who knows their stuff abt water colour to add on to this. I really don't want to spread false info. These are just my two cents on the top of my head.

Which basically just boils down to

JUST DO IT

I honestly tell myself this every day. And if i can do parkour then you can paint.

Good luck and have fun! 👍👍👍

[cuttoothed]

CONVERSATIONS IN A FRAGILE LANGUAGE FOR THE FIC ASK MEME, ive reread that one so many times you have no idea tooth

Conversations In A Fragile Language

This is a tough one, because I’ve forgotten a lot of the details, and while I occasionally read my own fic, this isn’t one I’ve gone back to. So apologies if this is a bit scattered.

The initial idea I had for this was the very first scene, with Jon “running away from home” and Martin intercepting him. The idea of him setting a fire as a diversion came later, which admittedly raises some problems, considering his reaction to burning Gerry’s page, but who really cares about consistency with canon anyway right??? I sort of tried to retrofit it later that he hadn’t destroyed anything important, but I’ll freely admit that was a cop out.

The second idea I had was Martin killing Jon to prevent the Watcher’s Crown. Everything else in the story served to connect those two points, so of course it naturally had to be a “stopping the Watcher’s Crown” story. However it was pretty vaguely sketched out, which I think really shows, especially in the earlier chapters. There were a couple of plot threads (like the book they pick up early on) that I had intended to go further with, but which ended up taking a back seat to the Webbier aspects. (The book does get referenced briefly again when Jon takes a statement from a guy in Longyearbyen, as a nod to what I originally intended.)

Speaking of Jon taking statements, I’m going to take this opportunity to be publicly pleased about the fact that I wrote Jon recognizing random people on the street with statements and just taking them, before it happened in canon. I’ve never predicted anything correctly in this series, but damn it, at least I got one horrible detail accidentally correct! My version is a bit less creepy, admittedly, as in this timeline he doesn’t know about how the dreams affect people (though he does begin to suspect), but I’m still quite proud of myself for using a plot point that later happened in canon. (This fic also featured a corpse that was full of eyeballs when it was autopsied, so I guess I’m up to two correct horrible predictions now???)

I initially intended for the ending to be ambiguous as to Jon dying or not, because I am a slut for angst. But I got horribly attached to the version of the characters and their relationship I was writing, so I couldn’t go through with it. I love a good angsty ending, but I’m a sap at heart.

I’ll hold my hands up and say this is far more a relationship story than a plot story. Plot is not my strong point, guys. It was really fun and cathartic to write Jon and Martin moving from a boss and subordinate dynamic, to being equals and partners. Especially Martin getting to verbally smack Jon down a couple of times about still acting like Martin’s his responsibility to take care of. Obviously I couldn’t have predicted the immense pining that season 4 had in store for us.

In terms of the actual story, I really wanted it to be about the characters trying their best to find a solution, and failing at every turn, and eventually having to go to extremes and sacrifice their lives and/or humanity. It starts with them seeking information (which doesn’t help), then looking for help from people who know more, like the ancient Archivist and Adelard Dekker (which almost gets them killed), then seeking dangerous allies (which goes nowhere), to finally turning to the Web, who’s been waiting all along for her children to come back to her. In a way it’s similar to what Jon’s going through in canon right now, desperately looking for answers, but finding nothing to really help or direct him.

The idea of Martin having experienced A Guest For Mr. Spider as a child was kind of the linchpin. Once that idea came to me, the rest was fairly obvious, both in terms of the Web manipulating them together, and what Martin would be willing to do to save the world (and save Jon). I guess we’re seeing this season what Martin’s willing to do to save Jon, and I’m not sure I wrote him ruthless enough, to be honest.

I did quite a bit of research on locations and transport for the travel. Like, looking at train schedules and flight layover times. If you really wanted to for some reason, you could recreate the travel routes pretty much exactly. Also the locations and landmarks in various cities should be about right, as well as a decent amount of historical detail, though a lot of that was embellished.

My favorite location, of course, was the Reading Room of the British Museum, which I still believe is a very valid location for the Watcher’s Crown to take place. Look at this place filled with knowledge! Look at the skylight staring down from overhead! Look at the layout of the floor like a giant freaking eye with a pupil in the center! Closed for use since 2007. And it was designed by Robert Smirke’s brother. If I ever get one more prediction right, it will be this one.

Speaking of the Watcher’s Crown, man, that chapter was hell to write. It was just a lot of psychological torture and depression and angst and cosmic horror, and it was very difficult to get into the right frame of mind for it. I finally got it done thanks to the album Zeit, by Tangerine Dream, which is a dark, ambient, electro-prog mindfuck that is the closest you can get to pure existential dread in musical form. I listened to it a lot while writing that chapter.

What else...hmm… The Liar’s Knife was a rip off of homage to the Subtle Knife from His Dark Materials, which of course is referenced during the Svalbard trip. I can only imagine that both Jon and Martin would have devoured those books as kids, and would both have adored them for very different reasons. Lee Scoresby was Jon’s favorite character. Iorek Byrnison was Martin’s.

Introducing a tool of the Spiral (and then having Jon get stabbed with it) was also an excuse to bring in Helen, because I so desperately wanted her and Jon to speak again, on better terms. They’re...getting there in canon? I think?

Was Jon’s near death experience real or some sort of hallucination? Who knows? Helen might, but on the other hand she might not. She’s not great at what’s true and false.

What’s under the Dark/Vast compound at Ny Alesund? Could have been an enormous Dark/Vast hybrid creature, or it could have been caverns of equipment running experiments to reach alternate universes. Could be both! It's definitely both.

The ending is sappy as hell. I can’t help it. I am soft for these idiots, and while in canon the best we can hope for is that they get a brief moment of connection and understanding before one of them dies, in this story they get an entire chapter of talking about their feelings, and a happy(ish) ending, damn it!

Phew, I think that's it. Apparently I had more to say about this than I thought - thanks for asking!

[game-meak]

A Proper Postmortem

Maybe?!  Heck if I know how to actually format a good post but let’s try.  As game development went on for almost four years, this is probably gonna be long... and also give away basically the whole game oops!  Read on with caution.

Sometime around July 2014, a month after the initial release of my first game, my room was being remodeled and I was stuck with nothing for free time but a garbage laptop I could do anything on, an old flip phone, my sketchbook, and my 3DS.  So beyond playing an obscene amount of Animal Crossing and Tomodachi Life, I at some point went “hey, what if I made a second game starring the kids.”  So I started trying to plan it out!  And it went

absolutely nowhere that I intended it to go!!!

For instance, this is the very first page of sketches.  This squirrel was supposed to be really important.  It’s not.  I don’t even KNOW what’s up with that duck.

A thing I like to think about before I set off making any of the story, assets, or scripts for my games tend to be themes and motifs.  And I kept circling back to a very important, very personal “theme.”  Without using the internet at large as my therapy couch, I was emotionally abused and taken advantage of multiple times in my life and it greatly impacts how I interact with people to this very day, as you’d expect events of such a degree would.  Particularly, I kept thinking that the RPG Maker fan crowd tends to skew young and be in the teenage range and at ages 14-16, I could’ve used something to help.

Of course, my entire thought process isn’t necessarily one of charity and selflessness.  It was also a way of me expressing what I’d dealt with in ways I’ve only ever communicated with my friends who were also victims of the same circumstances, the closest I would let myself come to personal stories and retellings with a cover of plastic children and wild adventures.  It was also in some ways a way of me verifying to myself that something ongoing was, in fact, bananas and should not have been happening, but that might be another story for another time.

As you can probably guess, Haze and Seal came into the picture since I needed to make two characters who would have this struggle.  A lot of decisions came about because of my personal experience.  They’re 15/16 because I was at the time of the incidents that primarily inspired me to make this game.  They’re both nonbinary because I am.  They love anime because I did (and do...?!)  One of their friends is even directly modeled off how one of my friends looked in high school.  To that degree, I guess someone, somewhere can call them self inserts.  But they’re also not, since I didn’t want to just do a personal retelling with fictional characters.  I’d just write a memoir or something at that point.

Haze’s design came first, and then Seal’s was sort of made as a foil to them.  Haze’s “colors” are pink, black, grey, and red.  Seal’s are teal and light purple... and also black.  Haze had a rabbit motif (which got toned down as I went on), Seal had an owl motif (which is now just a single mention in their list of likes...), etc.

Though in the beginning, the story was entirely different.  Initially, everything took place in the neon-ish areas with black sky and reflective, celestial water (that I, very eloquently, call “spacewater”).  The idea was that Haze and Seal were beings from another dimension and that their “fighting” was causing a rip in the universe that the kids stumbled into and therefore got wrapped up in this mess.  I had an entire script written and started making assets and when I went to sum up the game’s plot in a neat paragraph, I realized... I hated it!!!

So I chucked all I had done by that point writing-wise and started again.

In fact, I rewrote a lot.  After the first it was mostly small tweaks and adjustments, but the biggest ones (and the ones that still present a challenge to me!) usually involved trying to make Seal feel like a believable character.  I had shown an early draft to someone who said that Seal felt too much like trying to get back at someone, so I scrapped a ton of their lines and tried again.  I still worry whether or not they come across too Strawman-y, but I’ve done the best I can and whatever criticism people have can apply to my next writing attempts.  It’s very hard to separate yourself from subject matter you feel really personally attached to.  I don’t want to write them in a way that you immediately hate them, or hate me for writing such a blatant “villain” character, but in a way that you can formulate your own thoughts.  That said, though, I am violently allergic to people who call Seal a “tsundere,” even in jest.  So I guess I want people to have their own thoughts as long as it’s not that specific one...! (;;;;)

You may be thinking “heck, this is a lot of paragraphs in and you haven’t even brought up gameplay thoughts” and yes... that’s very true.  Shamefully, for a game where I thought “I should definitely, absolutely focus more on making it a Fun Game than a walking visual novel” I might’ve actually dropped the ball in that area.  I’d like to think I was more adventurous than I had been with my first game.  Some parts do kind of fall into the “walk to the next cutscene, find a key to unlock the next cutscene” pit, but I did put effort into figuring out what I could do with RMXP.  My obligatory “please don’t use this engine here, people thinking of using RPG Maker” statements here.  In the final product, though they’re very simple, I’m most proud of the chalkboard puzzle and the paint sorting puzzle.

Even if, y’know... I somehow neglected to include the letter “k”

Speaking of, I’m not sure if this is a general RPG Maker thing, a “man I hate RMXP” thing, or a “meaka cannot gamemake” thing, but I had several event/puzzles just up and quit on me a few times.  Like they would work fine for months and months, but one day I’d go to them and just nope, suddenly they’re not working, sorry.  Copy+pasting the event to a new map wouldn’t work, so I’d have to manually redo the event.  One of them was the chalkboard puzzle.  The other was the sliding puzzle when Tony is by herself.  Which I’m also aware slows the game down a ton, but I have legitimately no idea how to fix that... I tried and I could never get to to not lag like crazy.

Like I said, I started in July 2014.  I’d shipped the game off to my beta testers in March 2018.  A vast majority of that time was spent creating the visual assets since everything you see in the game is custom.  All the sprites, all the tilesets, every little pixel of it.  All me!  Needless to say... it was very exhausting and very time consuming. I grossly underestimated how much time I thought it’d take.  I never accounted for the very real possibility of burnout, which is incredibly silly considering I was making something entirely by myself that was also an occasionally difficult subject matter...!  There were quite a few weeks where I touched nothing because I couldn’t bring myself to and even a few times where I just considered deleting everything and cancelling the project.  I knew I’d be mad at myself if I quit, especially as I got later into production, so I just tried my best to make sure I didn’t turn it into a huge chore.  Obviously, there were parts that were more tedious than others, but this game really is a very large labor of love that I put a lot of my heart into.

Part of that time is also a little bit of indecision.  Did you know I went through 3 possible title screens?  I sure did!  I’ve also publicly posted about redoing both Haze and Seal’s bust sprites before.  I almost redid all of the kids’, too, but I didn’t wanna get caught in the loop of remaking everything, so I opted to just leave them as they are.  Most of them don’t bug me as much.  M...most of them!

I’m hopping back on the Story train since obviously that was my main focus, but the decision to have Seal sort of “reveal” their true nature (or at least have a jealousy-related anger burst) to Octavio as an animated cutscene was one I’d decided pretty early.  Which is also why, unsurprisingly, I was debating getting voice actors for a hot minute.  But I wouldn’t have used it anywhere else in the game, so I opted not to.  I also wanted to keep the file size low, but that wound up not happening so much, h-haha...   For someone who uses the only engine without native support for videos, I sure do like making animated cutscenes, huh.

Anyway.  This scene originally bridged Octavio’s section of the game to Pablo’s, which would’ve been (for some reason) in an abandoned hospital.  But that didn’t pan out because it didn’t fit what I wanted the game to be and also by switching the order of the two, it builds up more tension(?) on the kind of character you expect Seal to be.  I hope their very first “fuck off, maybe” took someone out there by surprise!

This also was the point when I decided I wanted to commission an original soundtrack, since nothing quite got across what I wanted at the time.  Which is when I put out my silly ad post and somehow managed to get the amazing ProjectTrinity to compose for me...!  I’m still amazed by the sheer quality of music he made for my little RPGMaker game.

Having the teen characters curse was also something I waffled on for a bit.  Clearly, I dwell on the important things as a writer.  I wanted it to contrast the cutesy, kidlike way the siblings talk and also the sort of squeaky-clean image the witches (particularly Seal) present to the kids by contrasting how they talk to each other, most importantly how Seal talks to Haze and their other friends.  I did have the same issue with the Mother in my first game, but I opted to not have her curse at all either since she’s childish in her own way, too.  But that’s not for THIS game’s postmortem, get otta here!!!

I also very much was set on a “battle” with words being the final event of the game.  Though I had a hard time imagining what that would be initially, but eventually arrived at a sort of fake battle system that was introduced in the mine.  The setting for this battle changed with time (everywhere from the park to the academy and in between) was considered...!  The dirty secret is that while I did like the decision to make it take place in the voids between worlds, I also sort of did not want to draw the staircase in the witch academy.  Originally, the kids would’ve also helped Haze “reach” Seal (who was putting actual obstacles in the way), but I guess in my own way, I wanted to give Haze the ability to confront Seal on their own, one-on-one.  Or something like that...!  I also didn’t want to add too much needless backtracking.

I’m... unsure what other point I really want to make, so I guess I’ll end this here unless anyone has anything in particular that interests them they’d want me to answer!

All in all, this game means a lot to me and took a chunk of my life to make and I really hope it’s able to reach at least one person who might need it, even if it’s only a little. 

To all of you who gave it a try, thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart.

A shameless link to the game:  [itch.io] & [RMN]

[tryingthisfangirlthing]

Love, I’ve Missed You In A Million Different Ways (How Is It We Keep On Writing Tragedies Together?) 1/14-ish

So. My @bering-and-wells-exchange gift for @dapperdorian kind of exploded. As in this will be long, posted hopefully over the course of the next two weeks. You requested unrequited love, all the sad/loving feels. I hope this delivers, and Merry Christmas! Basically I couldn’t quite decide on one story so I set myself to writing them all. (Because Rinari is totally crazy, it seems. What else is new?) Each chapter is more or less a self-contained story, but they do more or less tie together (I hope).

1. In The Beginning

She read science fiction. It was the first week of junior year, and Myka Bering was sitting in the corner of the lunchroom, Journey to the Center of the Earth open in front of her, glasses pushed up her nose and her curls tumbling in her face. And she read, flipping the page every now and again, not at all seeming to care about who did or didn't pay attention to her. “Tracy.” Helena nudged the freshman beside her with her shoulder, tilting her head towards the corner. “Isn't that your sister?” Tracy glanced over her shoulder, quickly, a little furtively. “Yeah, that's Myka,” she murmured, hunching her shoulders, her attention focused on the others at the table — Kurt, Giselle, Megan, Zack, Taylor — as if checking to see if they'd heard. “Why don't you invite her to sit with us?” Helena wasn't above taking advantage of the social privilege her “cool new foreign student” status gave her. And she wanted to know this girl better. But Tracy shook her head. “Trust me,” she muttered, “My sister is happiest just as she is.” She didn't look particularly happy, Helena thought, as she glanced back at Myka again. But wouldn't her sister know her best?

They had sports together — “P.E.” as the Americans called it, “physical education.” As if there was anything particularly educational about getting shoved around a basketball court for forty-five minutes. (It wasn't as if Helena had anything against being skin to sweaty skin with another girl. She would just have preferred it be during something useful, like Kenpo, or in a decidedly different and much more appealing context.) Helena was competitive, by nature. Myka was not particularly good at the sport, despite her height. But then came the laps, and Myka took off, leaping ahead like a gangly gazelle, all awkward grace. She looked a little freer, in that moment, free from something one only noticed had been haunting her once it was gone. Helena's breath came hard and fast and she watched Myka run.

Myka's locker was three down from Helena's. Three down, and Helena caught a glimpse of the inside of the door. No photos, just words: Pablo Neruda, and “Do not go quietly into the cold dark night,” and “By their fruits you shall know them,” in an elegant cursive hand Helena was almost certain belonged to Myka. She looked at the inside of her own locker, sketches of imaginary planetscapes strewn in between the magnetic chessboard Caturanga had given her and several pictures of Buffy and B'Elanna Torres. When she looked back, Myka was walking away, fencing épée in hand.

“Is this seat free?” Myka started, stiffened, and then tucked her hair behind her ear, glancing sideways at Helena. She lifted one shoulder, hunching down like a turtle retreating into its shell. “Yeah, I guess.” “Aces.” Helena grinned, setting her tray down and sliding in next to her. Myka blinked, with wide, startled eyes, and shifted a little further away, to give her more room. “I'm Helena.” She picked up her fork to stab at what the cafeteria called lasagna, wrinkling her nose. “Though you can also call me H.G. Most everyone does. You're Tracy's sister, aren't you? Myka?” “Yeah,” she responded, after a moment's hesitation, and minutely inspected the contents of her lunchbox. “So you're a fan of H.G. Wells?” Helena nodded towards The Time Machine lying on the table. “My mother was a great admirer of his. Hence my initials.” “I guess you could say that,” Myka murmured. “My dad used to read me his novels, when I was younger.” “H.G.!” Giselle stopped in front of the table, with a bemused wrinkle to her nose. “Why don't you come sit with us?” “The table here is free, so far as I can tell.” Helena shrugged, gesturing to the empty space. “Kurt!” she called over to the quarterback. “Join us, why don't you?” Turning to Myka, she asked,“You don't mind, do you?” Mutely, Myka shook her head, pressing her lips together. Kurt trotted over like the hulking puppy dog he was, and sat opposite them. “Hi, uh, Myka, wasn't it?” Myka squeaked, then cleared her throat and tried again. “Yeah, yeah, that's me. Myka Bering, right here.” “Is that for English?” Megan sounded a tad horrified, as she set her tray down beside Kurt's and pointed at the book. Helena only just suppressed a sigh. “No.” Myka looked down at her food again. Tracy shot Helena an exasperated-embarrassed-helpless look as she slid in beside her. “Our father owns a bookstore,” she offered, as though one needed some sort of excuse for liking to read. Giselle finally settled in at the end of their row, combing a finger through her red curls. “I would write an essay on how annoying it is so few ‘classic’ books we're supposed to read have women in them, but I'm already swamped with Trig. I should not have taken that AP class.” Kurt made a face. “I’ve done geometry, but coach says if I don't pass algebra this year I can't stay on the team.” There was a round of appropriately sympathetic noises. “I could tutor you,” Myka said suddenly,  unexpectedly loudly. Everyone quieted and looked at her. Her cheeks colored. “I got an A in it last year. I mean, if you want. You don't have to —” “No, that's — that's real sweet of you, Myka.” Kurt was tilting his head, as if looking at her in a new light. “You wouldn't mind? I could find a way to pay you a bit, if you wanted.” “No!” She shook her head. “No, I'm happy to help.” “Well, then, thanks. You want my number? We'll have to work around football practice, but let me know whatever time works for you and I'll be there.” He was already pulling out his phone, apparently oblivious to the way Megan tossed him and Myka suspicious, sulky glances, and Giselle and Tracy held themselves stiff with discomfort. “Of course! I — I have fencing practice after school anyways, so it's not like — I wouldn't be waiting.” Myka was fumbling with her phone, too, taking the number down as he dictates it, offering hers right back. This wasn't — this wasn’t how it was supposed to go, and Helena floundered in the disappointment welling up in her throat. She'd never had any problems with school, but now she almost wished she had. Myka tucked her phone away, biting her lip on a happy little smile. “I, uh, I have to head by the library before my next class, but I'll see you around.” She zipped up her almost-untouched lunch, tucking The Time Machine to her side. “Let me know when you have time, Kurt.” Helena closed her mouth, and watched her go. “Told you so,” Tracy muttered around the straw in her milk carton.

Helena tried again, the day after. “Do you mind if I sit here?” “If you want.” Myka shifted over, not even looking up from The War Of The Worlds. Halfway to setting down her tray, Helena stopped, suddenly exasperated. “Would you prefer I not? I have no desire to force my company upon you.” At this, Myka finally looked up, looked her in the eyes. A melancholy sort of fire flickered in her gaze, sucking all the air from Helena's lungs. “Look, your crowd isn't my thing. I won't be taken advantage of, and I don't want to be some kind of social charity case. So whatever you're trying to do, you might as well just, not.” Helena rolled her eyes against the sting of those words. “Yes, because heaven forbid someone might actually want to get to know you.” Giselle was waving her over towards their usual table, so she went, bristling and disappointed.

Megan complained into the girls’ chat that Kurt had blown her off after practice, because Myka hqd been waiting. Helena could only imagine: Myka sitting on the bleachers, hunched over the book in her lap, fencing foil at her side to complete her awkward-solid-ethereal aura, the way she'd look up when the coach called for them to finish... Helena wasn't telling Megan she'd have done exactly the same.

The next day, Helena headed for the little group's usual table. She could tell where she wasn’t wanted — though she couldn't think of what she might have done to deserve Myka snubbing her like that. Yet that twinge of bitterness did nothing to dampen her curiosity. “How was your first tutoring session?” she asked Kurt, sliding into the spot next to him. “What's she like?” Kurt paused for a moment, forehead wrinkling, obviously having to think it over. “She's all right, I guess. She's really smart. It took a little while, like she had to explain things a couple of times before I got it, but then, like, we just clicked, you know? She said I could pay her in Twizzlers, you know, the red kind?” Helena assumed he wasn't actually looking for a response, and at any rate she wouldn't have trusted herself to give one. “She’s got a sense of humor, too, once she loosens up.” Slowly, Kurt smiled, in his bright-charming-handsome way Helena was beginning to fucking hate. Like it was a sudden realization, he added, “I guess she’s actually sort of hot, in a cute, dorky kind of way.” You don't bloody have to tell me that. Helena stabbed at one of her chicken nuggets, and the plastic fork snapped.

The next day, Myka had Sense and Sensibility with her at lunch. Silently, Helena cursed. She might just be in love, bloody weakness for bloody gorgeous girls with bloody adorable glasses and my bloody favorite books.

(She took Giselle to the winter formal. She was proud of herself, for only tossing three — fine, four — longing, envious glances at the way Myka rested her head on Kurt's shoulder during a slow song, rested it there with a joyously contented smile Helena wanted to fucking kiss off her lips.)

[spacejunk-tm]

Do you have any tips for someone who's going through the writer block? Or any writing tips in general????

idk if you’re still in writer’s block hell but asldkjfsdf 

first off, i suggest you figure out why you’re in writer’s block. is it that you’re not enjoying the feeling of the story? (1) that you’re not liking the dialogue? (2) that you’re not liking the scene? (1) that you’re having some personal problems and/or your environment isn’t conducive to writing? (3) 

i might be able to help! (no guarantees but i’ll do my best) under the read more to save some scrolling 

i find that isolating why you are having a block can help in solving the block! 

(1) if you’re not enjoying the feeling of the story at this point, or enjoying the scene you are working on. I suggest you go back and find the last part you did like and redo. That can be seemingly tedious and trust me i’ve deleted 80-150 pages of text for this reason to get out of a block so it can be really painful to just chop it off or try a different route in your story (you can open a new word document and put the new path there if you don’t wanna up and delete everything!) you can also try to take a break and remind yourself what got you so excited about this story in the first place. what made you want to write it in the first place. listen to some music that reminds you of the piece (or completely new music! try to find songs that would fit scenes/characters). 

if you are insistent that you can’t go back and delete things or redo, i still suggest you still take a different path with your writing. if you’re at a scene and you’re thinking “i just really don’t like how this is going” “i just really don’t like where the characters are at right now but i know i want this scene in the book, i know i want this part but i just don’t have the motivation/energy/ability to write this scene/point/part” i suggest you leave that document, open a new one, and write whatever the hell you DO want to write in this moment on that path. for me, this is usually a document that i have as “[insert book title name] REDACTED” which consists scenes that are like bloopers at the end of a movie or something. they’re scenes that might never get into the book but they can be funny, sweet, romantic, angsty, basically anything that you want to be feeling in that moment (even if it’s just you literally yelling “I DONT WANT TO WRITE THIS AAAAAA”) this might seem like a waste of energy or even frivolous but i don’t find there to be any such thing in art. you wouldn’t tell someone that was a painter that sketching on the side of a paper or on the back of an envelope was a waste of time (or you shouldn’t) and that’s kinda what this is like! i use my “redacted” things to kind of loosen me up and to help to get to know the characters better! Sometimes it can be very enlightening to know how your characters would react in AU-ish type situations or just blooper-ish types of things where they otherwise wouldn’t be like that! you can also use it for more serious things like monologues or even intense describing of a thing/place. don’t be afraid to get dramatic and use Big Movie Voice or whatever to write out things that otherwise would just be trapped in your head!

the point of this part is that you likely need to reignite your excitement with your story. you need to refocus and show yourself why you’re writing it in the first place. to rekindle the fire that was burning before you reached this block! 

(2) if you’re having trouble with dialogue/character voices, get to a private place and SAY the dialogue aloud. it might feel silly to talk to yourself but having you actually have to say the dialogue can save you from getting a “newsie” or “robotic” type of dialogue going. it can also help you to pace, rant, or generally think more in depth about the different dialogue suggestions and perhaps to some things from (1) to help reorient yourself in the story! 

(3) if you’re having a personal problem, a problem outside of your writing, there is honestly very little you can do until the “mood” passes. i find this to be one of the toughest writing blocks because it is self-feeding. you don’t write because you can’t because of personal/environment problems, but then you feel guilty about not writing and it creates the mood again to where you can’t write and so on and so forth. if your mood has gone on for several days or you simply can’t take it anymore, i have always found that writing exactly what i’m feeling from characters/places or the exact opposite of what i’m feeling can really swing me into and out of those moods when i’m desperate. 

when i’m very, very depressed (and that gets nasty) i can write four page long monologues about melancholy and become Dramatic and have characters that are sad go through what i’m going through and that can really help to ease your pain. to simply get it out. even if it’s not sad, if it’s angry, or anxious or fearful or any strong emotion that holds you. 

on the flip side, i’ve learned that writing the exact opposite can actually help to swing you out of the mood. this one is more tricky (for me) because you have to catch the mood at the tipping point of “i’m never going to be able to do this” and “f/uck it i’m writing SOMETHING” if i am very, very depressed writing happy characters in happy situations and making it so detailed and intense as if i am there with them can truly help to swing you out of that situation. when i’m having a fit of anger, i write some of the best love/romantic scenes i could ever write. this creates a slight “fake it ‘til you make it’ attitude that can help you in your real life and help you progress

and if you just read that and kinda went “yeah but none of those things are happening right now in my story!” i still suggest that you open a new document, write down whatever you want to write down, even if it’s just straight venting, and get it out. and some people might go, yeah but that’s just stupid writing! it’s not worth anything! 

so what? not everything you write has to be worth gold. in fact, things you write for the purpose of being garbage can be worth gold. some of the best writing i have ever done and ever had praised was written in some of the worst points in my life where i was certain being a writer would never work and so i had all but given up. 

that’s my main tip. give up the idea that everything is going to be perfect, sacrifice it to yourself and forgive yourself for holding you to that standard of perfection every time you opened your document. allow yourself to forgive yourself when you read this and (maybe) agree with me and then do hold yourself to that standard yet again. 

it’s okay. 

it doesn’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to be perfect, things are messy for a reason and art is meant to never be finished in the artist’s eye. you will never find it to be perfect because you can’t print the idea right outta your head and that’s okay!!!!! it’s okay to struggle, it’s okay to give yourself a break, take a walk, listen to some music, to allow yourself the ability to breathe and live without forcing yourself to perform constantly. and i know that’s hard, it’s tough to be sitting there and be thinking “i should really be writing” but know that your resting is also important for your writing. forced writing can often be worse and will only look more flawed. 

and if you have to write, i still suggest you write out your situation, funny things or ideas, a new scene you want or perhaps one the very first scene you imagined for this story. just jump right to it. go reignite your story! go enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[redstone-sun]

TRSNS: Sad Ending

[recentanimenews]

Manga Editor Yumi Sukemune on Making Princess Jellyfish and the History of Shojo

Most writing about manga focuses on the artists and writers credited on the covers of the books. But there’s another role that’s indispensable to the creative process for most manga series: the editor. In addition to managing the manga production schedule, editors provide creative guidance for artists, in some cases acting as equal partners in coming up with the storylines and characters of their series.

A year ago at Anime Expo 2017, I sat down with manga editor Yumi Sukemune to chat about her work with Akiko Higashimura, the artist behind the josei (adult women’s manga) series Princess Jellyfish about a group of geeky women living together in a Tokyo apartment complex. But our conversation wandered a bit outside of her day job, revealing an editor with a critical, feminist perspective on the history of shojo (girls’ manga).

Thank you to Ms. Sukemune and Kodansha interpreter Misaki Kido for the interview opportunity, and for their patience as this interview sat in draft form for an entire year. It took a while to get this one out, but I think it was worth it!

First off, how did you get started as a manga editor?

I joined Kodansha 12 years ago right out of college. I’ve been assigned to the Kiss Magazine Editorial Department the entire time. The editor of Attack on Titan joined Kodansha the same year.

What titles have you edited?

Princess Jellyfish and Tokyo Tarareba Girls, which is Higashimura’s follow-up series about 30-something-year-old ladies. It’s like a Tokyo version of Sex and the City. A lot of titles that aren’t published outside of Japan. I always have five to six titles that I’m looking at at any time.

How typical is it for a manga editor to be editing multiple titles at the same time?

It’s pretty common.

What’s the process for how editors are assigned to titles?

For those existing series, there might be editors already assigned to them, but in Japanese companies, people rotate from department to department fairly frequently. So when some editor leaves the department, if the title needs a new editor, then that’s an opportunity where you might get assigned to an existing title.

In my case with Higashimura, there was another editor before me, but then that person left. But besides that, I was already close with Higashimura because we both liked Johnnys idol groups. That was our connection.

So when the previous editor left, because I was pretty personally connected to Higashimura, I became the editor.

Is Higashimura going to do an idol series?

(laughs) She loves K-Pop right now.

Being an editor is a creative role in addition to an administrative one. Is that assignment process partially based on story fit in addition to being good at managing an artist?

There’s no test for it or anything like that, but when you’re being hired into the company, in the interview process, they’re looking at the way you talk, the way you express yourself. The people looking for new hires are picking up those kinds of personality traits. So those are some of the challenging aspects.

In other cases, when you first start to become an editor, you team up with more of a veteran, “sempai,” editor. Then, when they go together to a creator’s house and they have a meeting, the sempai editor will ask you things like, “What would you do in this case of the story?”  You’re on the spot and you have to express what your opinion is.

A lot of the editors love manga of course, but they also study and watch a lot of movies and stuff like that too. There are a lot of movie otaku.

I imagine they read a lot of books too.

Yes.

So in terms of the creativity, of course there’s individuality, but at the same time … being in love with the character, that’s just being a fan. As an editor you have to really think about where the story’s going: beginning, middle, and end. You need to look at it constructively and then put your opinions into those critical perspectives. That’s something that’s expected from an editor. And then, depending on your level of skills in addition to your creativity, you could become a hit-maker editor or not.

The Manga Editing Process

What’s a day in the life of a manga editor like?

My working hours are flexible. Most of the manga artists work at night. So in the morning, a lot of people just watch movies and things like that. Around noon-ish, that’s when we go to work. But then we won’t be able to go back home until the last train.

In terms of shojo manga artists specifically, it’s kind of a one-on-one relationship of manga artist to editor, so as long as we can stay in touch with those artists, we can work from anywhere. We can work from home too.

Regarding Higashimura, she works on so many series at once, but she also has a lot of assistants and they’re kind of set up like a studio. Their schedule usually starts at 11 AM and goes until 7 PM. So in terms of Higashimura, she definitely doesn’t work beyond those hours. She won’t pull all-nighters, she won’t work on weekends. She keeps a work-life balance.

Do a lot of very successful manga artists do that?

It’s not regular at all!

Because it’s set up like a production studio, the main artist Higashimura just does the rough sketches for the story and she also does the penciling. But from there on she actually works with other staff, and they finish her work.

When the artist sets up a production studio-type of setup, then they can actually work on more than just one title at a time. But not too many female artists actually do it like that. Usually if you work with shojo manga artists they’re working with their friends and just barely making the 30 pages each month.

You mentioned in the Kodansha panel earlier that Ms. Higashimura is the most prolific current shojo manga artist. That she has the most titles.

That’s true. She works with all the major publishers.

Speaking of staying in touch with artists, we were looking at your phone before. Could you talk about the process? You two are on LINE sending “names” (rough manuscript drawings) back and forth, right?

(She shows me her LINE message history with Ms. Higashimura.)

Yesterday Higashimura sent a name. I usually just loosely say “I kind of want to see the first draft by this day.”

The name stage is usually very simple. But for her, she makes it very detailed. This one has notes on how to finish these panels for the assistants. So, “Put the shadow on here, on the blue.”

Here’s what I’m saying in these messages: “Sorry about the delay of this post. I think the name is really awesome. I think we can use it just the way it is. Especially the scenes in the past and the scene about grilled fish. You’re actually connecting them indirectly. I think it’s really well done. I am here in LA in the morning. I was in awe for a minute. If you’ve got a continuation of these pages please send it to me.”

What stickers do you use on LINE?

We mostly send photos. Not a lot of stickers.

(She shows another name with red pen marks on it.) This is proofing. I use red pen to mark things.

Princess Jellyfish is a really honest portrayal of fujoshi and otaku culture and social anxiety. What sort of conversations do you two have about telling this kind of story?

She often models these characters off of her real-life friends. There’s a friend of hers who’s into dolls. Also all her assistants are super manga otaku. While they’re working, they’re always chatting, for example, having a funny conversation with different ways to end a sentence. The way they talk is unique. She picks it up while she’s writing. Whenever I meet her or even on LINE, Higashimura mentions, “Oh this funny thing happened.” I say, “That’s really funny, why don’t you write about it?”

Communicating and keeping friendships with people outside of work is one of the main reasons she insists on doing the 11–7 shifts, the work-life-balance. Tokyo Tarareba Girls is really based on all her friends who are editors, who are always bitching about something. It’s like, “I’m working so hard, but I have no boyfriend. What’s going on?” She writes about that.

As her editor, my main job is to figure out what she’s into, what her main focus is right now, and to encourage her, to ask “why don’t you write that into the story?”

Shojo and “Waiting for Men”

In the panel earlier you talked about how shojo has changed. You said it was about waiting for a boy to discover you, and now it’s about girls saying “this is my way of life.” Why do you think that is?

I think the biggest influence was Sailor Moon. I’m 34 now. When I was little, Sailor Moon was a current, ongoing series. Up until the emergence of Sailor Moon, all the manga was really about an average girl being discovered by a boy. That was the classic formula. But as soon as Sailor Moon hit, everything changed into a new generation of girls who had the ability to do what they wanted to do in life.

Around that time in the history of Japan, women were starting to get accepted into regular workplaces. The timing in history might have contributed to the message too.

For those girls who grew up with Sailor Moon and keep that true to their hearts, as they get older they become these really strong women and do things for themselves.

Do you think the cultural shift influenced Sailor Moon? Or the other way around?

Sailor Moon was originally supposed to become an anime by the time it started. There was a project for the anime too, they worked on them together. So instead of waiting for the stories to finish, they actually continued the story at the same pace in manga and anime. Because it was a collaborative project between the artist and the animation studio, it wasn’t really up to the creator herself. The creation came from the anime production team as well.

Princess Jellyfish is josei though, not shojo, right?

Yes. The magazine is a josei magazine, although story-wise, none of them are working, so it’s more in the realm of shojo manga, really. And definitely the style is shojo manga.

How much of what you were describing about shojo applies to josei?

In the josei manga genre, unlike shojo manga, it’s not all pure and fresh. It’s not that kind of puppy love story. But in terms of the main character opening up the door to their own life, it’s actually consistent between both shojo and josei manga.

Was josei already doing that, though?

Even in josei manga back in the day, even though they were working women, the formula of an average woman being discovered by men was still the same. It’s like all the characters are mature adults, but it’s still this bubbly romance.

There’s a series called Tramps Like Us (Kimi wa Pet) in Kiss Magazine. It’s a story about a girl picking her favorite boy and keeping him in her house. The pet is a boy.

That change is interesting. Early shojo manga like the works of the Showa 24 Group weren’t about women waiting for men.

Those series like Rose of Versailles are very eternal, evergreen titles. Those tend to be the formula of the character seeking their own path. Those legendary creators: Keiko Takemiya, Moto Hagio. Series that actually stick around long enough to be classics, they tend to be based on main characters finding their own path. But series that became very popular hits but eventually as time goes became lost and forgotten, those are the ones with the formula where the girl gets discovered by the boy.

I feel like in the 1980s shojo manga went in that direction a bit.

Yes, during the bubble economy. Back in the ’80s during the economic boom, it was all about what kind of relationship can you have as a person. That was the biggest focus.

Keiko Takemiya was told by an editor that a story was not going to be a hit; it was complicated, it should be more romance. But she really felt strongly about writing those kinds of stories. So she created The Poem of Wind and Trees (Kaze to Ki no Uta) from there. It’s a really famous Boys Love manga now.

It really shows how hard it was for those female creators in the ’80s to stand up for what they wanted to write about and to execute their expression and get published.

There have been a lot of fans who have been supportive of creators like Takemiya, but at the time, those fans were a way smaller fraction of fans. But post-Sailor Moon people began to accept and understand and like those formulas too. In terms of The Rose of Versailles, it’s inspired by the sort of “fantasy” admiration toward French culture. So that brought in the audience. It’s not really because of feminism. It’s because France is cool.

But it sounds like Sailor Moon represents more of a true feminist shift.

I think so.

There’s an element of romance in Sailor Moon with Tuxedo Mask but that’s not the focus of the series and that’s not the reason why she’s fighting. She’s also looking out for her teammates and friends.

In the US a lot of fans had a very similar response. Because we didn’t get a lot of female characters with that kind of agency.

Everything is connected. No matter where you’re from you really want to cherish and respect yourself in terms of your personality.

As an editor, I always question the difference between the audiences. Like, the school life in America and Japan is different. Is that something that affects the popularity of manga?

The portrayal of the cool, attractive boys seems to be very different here in the US too. I think that might affect whether a manga series becomes popular overseas, not just in Japan. Series like Sailor Moon and Cardcaptor Sakura, ones set in fantasy-based worlds, are kind of rare in shojo manga. They’re just a fraction, and the rest of the titles are focused on school life and slice-of-life stories.

Even the editors and executives in Japan, they’re thinking that whatever is available here and the shojo manga outside of Japan is just a fraction of the shojo manga that is available.

The High School Formula

Have you edited any of those high school titles before?

I have a series called Love’s Reach. In shojo manga, there are a lot of teacher-student relationships, but elsewhere that’s illegal, right? Love’s Reach is the standard shojo manga formula: school life, always a big event with some emotionally thrilling moments. So if people actually get into these series and accept these kinds of stories then we can introduce a bunch more shojo manga. A lot of the shojo manga that’s available here, like Princess Jellyfish or Nana, is kind of irregular compared to the rest of the shojo manga in Japan.

Is there anything different about editing for one of those school life series versus something more irregular?

For Princess Jellyfish, the creation starts with Higashimura’s inspiration, ideas, and imagination. In terms of things like Love’s Reach, there’s the standard formula and then you put a good talented artist on it. So during the meeting, I say things like “do you want to go on a school trip now?” Like, “this is a good time now.” We have these formulas so you can sort of test the artist to see if they can work creatively with those frameworks and make them their own. That’s how each of the creators’ talents emerge.

Because the history of shojo manga is so long in Japan, there are readers who just want to read a formulaic story. Instead of going into a really fresh story that’s very imaginative, some people just want to read the same old story right before they go to bed after coming back from a long day of work.

In fact, a lot of the digital shojo manga sales in Japan happen after 11 PM. It’s interesting. They probably just buy it and read it and just fall asleep. Maybe right before you’re going to bed and you’re relaxing, you might not want to be introduced to super fresh, super imaginative ideas.

(laughs) The Rose of Versailles is too heavy!

(laughs) I might dream about it or something!

Of course sexy titles and “ero” manga too. Manga that you don’t want to have as a book also sell during nighttime.

It’s important for big publishers to fulfill all these people’s needs. Of course we want to create something new, but we also want to produce something that our audience would want.

Thank you so much for your time!

Manga Editor Yumi Sukemune on Making Princess Jellyfish and the History of Shojo originally appeared on Ani-Gamers on October 2, 2018 at 10:14 PM.

By: Evan Minto

[alumx]

How did you develop your pony style? Both art and animation

 ”Hum.... Interesting question

2011 - 2013  -> my style is very primitive. I barely know anatomy, color, composition, painting, so its pretty ugly to look at, I call this my “Circles years” (because I literally trained to draw circles since I could not draw for shit)

2013 - 2014  -> Already with some years of drawing, the results are starting to improve, I dedicated half a year to learn photoshop in its totality and this began my “Plastic style era”. Where basically all of my drawings shared same structure (sketch, lineart, fill, multiply layer shading, effects)

during this period, I discover colors

2014-2015  ->  This is the breakthrough years in my art, in these two years I’ve made over 600 pieces, these are my “Bob Ross years” I ditch the boring previous structure and experiment a lot, I start painting and focusing on learning how to draw backgrounds. In the process of that I also become a lot more technical with compositions and rendering.  My ponies become a lot more horse-ish. (and during this time I get featured for the first time in Cutie Art Crusaders videos)

2016 -> Is my year of "Wisdom and feelings”. I slow down from my crazy fast pace, I take more time to absorb information and I spend more time to think before I and while I draw. During this period my art goes from frantic sketchy paintings to something more mature and finished looking. I go through some personal life turmoils and difficulties as I try to get into art university and get denied. My family is being very resistive to the idea of me following art but I prevail and keep going forward .

Also, the real beginning of Celestia adoration and start of my first magnum opus project that still goes until today

2017 -> “The Celestia voice” period. I am crazily motivated as I finally got into UNIVERSITY, I achieved my first mini life goal. I made up my mind to become an artist and changed the direction of my life (which was going towards physics and engineering) just with my dedication and love towards this craft.

I move out to capital city to study, its a whole new page in my life .Also as I frantically dedicate my time towards university classes, I start to create silly dumb animations on the side.

Also my first big animation work in collaboration with Vylet Pony, I learned a ton about animation in this project and since then, I’ve been increasingly attracted to it.

wew this was a bit longer than I thought.

But as you might see, each year is its own story, and animation is actually a very recent thing in the chapters of my life.

Hope this was somewhat educational :p

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Bedtime Stories- Part 1

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,149

Warnings: Typical Supernatural violence, language, angst, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

Tension was high between you and the Winchester brothers. You knew it had everything to do with Dean going to Hell and the closer next year was coming, the closer he was from leaving you. You weren’t ready for that and even though you couldn’t do anything about it, didn’t mean Ruby couldn’t. You didn’t just hate that demon, you loathed her. She was doing nothing to help with Dean and she never pointed you in the right direction or gave you any clues on where to start looking.

You knew she had other motives because it was that obvious but it pissed you off because you didn’t know what they were. You haven’t seen Ruby ever since you tried killing her with the Colt. According to Sam, that was a bad move but you didn’t like her at all. You and Sam tried talking about it but you ended up screaming at each other. You and Dean tried talking about it but you both thought the same things so it really wasn’t much help talking to him.

Last night, you tried thinking of ways you could help Dean out of his deal with Sam. You were just glad that you weren’t fighting for once. You didn’t know who this Ruby chick thought she was but ever since she showed up, she really pulled you and Sam apart. However, last night Sam said something that you agreed to but pissed Dean off.

Now, even a day later, Sam and Dean were screaming at each other, still arguing about what Sam wanted to do.

“I don't understand, Dean. Why not?” Sam asked angrily.

“Because I said so,” Dean said, hoping that his brother would just drop the subject. You weren’t saying a word because you couldn’t think of anything that would make this better.

“We got the Colt now!!” Sam argued.

“Sam…” Dean warned.

“We can summon the Crossroads Demon…” Sam tried saying but Dean snapped, yelling at his brother but Sam, being a little brother, raised his voice until you couldn’t barely hear what each brother was saying. You tried to be silent but the noise was too much for you to deal with.

“SHUT UP!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!” You screamed, effectively shutting them up. “Both of you shut the fuck up!! You’re giving me a headache!” The car became silent and just as you were going to enjoy it, Dean spoke up, ruining it. At least he wasn’t yelling.

“We don't even know if that'll work,” Dean said, making a point.

“Well, then, we'll just shoot her! If she dies then the deal goes away!” Sam counterargued.

“Sam, we don’t know if that will work. For all we know, it could piss off whoever has his deal and make it worse!” You pointed out.

“Worse than going to Hell?” Sam said, looking at you.

“Look, Sam, all you’re pitching to me is a bunch of ifs and maybes. That is not good enough because if we screw up this deal, then Y/N dies!” Dean also made a really good point.

“I’d rather die to let you live, Dean.” You said and you didn’t think that he heard you but he did.

“Don’t talk like that, Y/N. It’s not funny.”

“Fine, but if we don’t screw with the deal, then you die! I am not okay with that!” You yelled.

“Y/N, enough! I am not going to have this conversation!” Dean ended the argument.

“Why, because you said so?” Sam scoffed.

“YES, BECAUSE I SAID SO!” Dean snapped.

“Yeah, well, you’re not Dad!!” Sam yelled back. Even though Dean was driving, they both stared at each other, angry for this whole situation. If only you hadn’t gotten yourself killed in the first place.

“No, but I am the oldest and I'm doing what's best. And you're going to let this go, you understand me?” Dean glared at Sam and you knew you shouldn’t butt in with the technicalities. Sam huffed out angrily but didn’t say a word. He looked out the window as the Impala flew by down the road. You and the brothers were on your way to a case since some psycho killed someone that looked like the work of a werewolf.

“Tell me about the psychotic killer,” Dean asked you in a much calmer tone since you had the paperwork in the back with you but you made no move to grab it. “Come on, Y/N, tell me about the psychotic killer.”

“Psychotic killer,” you huffed after grabbing the paper from beside you. “He rips his victims apart with brute-like ferocity.”

“Okay, any mention of his razor-sharp teeth or his four-inch claws? Animal eyes?” Dean asked.

“No, but the lunar cycle is right. Look, if it’s a werewolf we don’t have a lot of time. The full moon is only lasting until this Friday. The next one is going to be a month later,” You informed. You knew this talk of Dean and his deal was far from being over.

“Two days, no sweat,” Dean said, turning up the music since that is what he does when he wants to forget things, and he pressed on the gas pedal to go faster.

“Hi, we’re here to see Kyle. I heard he checked in yesterday.” You said to the receptionist at the hospital, showing off your detective badge to her. Sam and Dean did the same thing and you silently thanked whoever was listening that you three decided it was a good idea to wear your professional clothes on the drive there.

“Of course, right this way,” the receptionist said, leading you to one of the rooms that had Kyle, a victim of the assault that happened a few nights ago. Kyle was a victim of this supposed werewolf that you needed to track down. “He’s in there.”

“Thank you so much,” You smiled at the woman before knocking on the door. You waited a few seconds before opening it, striding into the room. You saw Kyle on the bed, scrapes all over his body with bandages covering only some of them.

“I’m Detective Plant, this is Detective Page and this is Detective Valentine. We’re with the County Sherriff’s Department.” Dean said to Kyle who nodded.

“Yeah, uh, I’ve been expecting you guys.”

“You have?”

“All morning. You are the sketch artists, right?” Kyle asked, looking between all three of you.

“Uh…” Sam muttered, looking at Dean for help.

“Absolutely,” Dean agreed. You and Sam both nodded, not knowing how this was going to work out. Both Sam and Dean were terrible artists. You were the only good one of the three and part of you wants to see what Sam or Dean will draw if they’re going to do it.

“Yeah. That is exactly who Detective Valentine is. The things she can do with a pen…” Dean laughed, putting a hand on your shoulder. You frowned, looking at Sam who was relieved and Dean who was smirking. He thought you couldn’t draw well. Now you just wanted to prove him wrong.

“But listen before we get started on that, I wanted to ask you, uh, how'd you get away?” Sam asked and you listened closely for any details that might lean towards werewolf.

“I—I have no idea. I was hiding and he found me. He was coming right for me and then he just... stopped. He stared at me with this blank look. After that, he just took off running.” Kyle explained.

“Alright,” you said, taking out your tiny notepad before taking a seat by his bed. “I’m going to need as much physical detail as you can remember.”

“Uh, yeah, he’s about six feet tall, dark hair…” Kyle tried to remember. You were sketching while Dean was watching with a smug grin and Sam was watching you. When you looked up at him, he looked impressed with what you could do with a pen. However, Kyle stopped giving out a description.

“What about his eyes? What color were they?” You asked, looking at Kyle.

“Maybe… blue?”

“Blue?” Sam asked.

“Maybe?” You asked at the same time as Sam.

“It was dark,” Kyle shrugged. You nodded and got to work, trying to fill in the missing details.

“Did they seem, uh, animal-ish?” Dean asked and you stopped drawing to look at Kyle’s reaction.

“Excuse me?”

“What about his teeth? You notice anything strange about them?” Sam asked.

“No, they were just teeth,” Kyle said with a shake of his head. You nodded and sketched the mouth.

“How about his fingernails?” Dean asked.

“Okay, look, he-he’s just a-a normal guy with normal eyes a-a-a-and teeth and fingernails!” Kyle said, getting upset. You nodded, wondering if what you were dealing with was not a werewolf, but something else.

“Look, sir, it’s okay if-” Sam tried to say but Kyle cut him off.

“No. No, it’s not okay. Those were my brothers. This guy, he-he killed my brothers. How would you feel?” Kyle said with a glare, getting tears. You felt your heart clench at his words. If only he knew what was really going on.

“Can’t imagine anything worse,” Sam said truthfully. You and Dean both looked at him but you and Dean held different emotions.

“I know this isn't easy but if you could remember any more details, that would really help a lot.” You said in a soft tone, hoping it would jog his memory somehow.

“Th-there was one more thing. He had a tattoo on his arm of a cartoon character. Uh, the… it’s the guy who’s chasing the Roadrunner…” Kyle tried to think of the character but you knew who it was.

“Wile E. Coyote!” Dean said for Kyle and he agreed.

“Yeah, that’s it.” You finished the sketch and was about to put it away when a doctor came in and smiled at Kyle.

“Kyle?”

“Dr. Garrison.”

“How are you holding up?”

“Okay, considering,”

“You’re Kyle’s doctor?” Dean asked, interested in the doctor more.

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you a few questions?” Dean asked, showing off his detective badge. The doctor nodded and lead Dean out of the room to talk with him.

“Don’t I get to see it?” Kyle asked, making you and Sam look at the young man. He was pointing to your now closed notebook and you nodded, opening it back up and turning it so that he could see.

“I did what I could,” You said and Kyle nodded.

“Wow, that is really good. You’re a good artist.” Kyle said with a smile. You made sure to include the Wile E. Coyote on the page as well.

“Thank you and thank you for your time today,” You said, standing up. Kyle nodded and you and Sam walked out of the room just as Dean was finished with the doctor. You said your goodbyes and you walked away from the doctor, out of the hospital and to the car. You decided to walk around the town for a bit before grabbing a motel room. You just needed the fresh air.

You walked in between the brothers while Dean was looking at your sketch of the person Kyle described.

“Damn, sweetheart, I didn’t know you had it in you,” Dean said, impressed.

“Well, we all know you two are shit at drawing and I’m decent enough to make it look convincing.” You blushed but took the compliment.

“Decent? Y/N, this is a masterpiece. I didn’t know you could draw like this,” Dean commented.

“Yeah, Dean, I can. I had a book when we were young but I bet it’s tucked up in John’s storage unit somewhere, I guess.” You wanted to accept his compliment but it made you realize that he wasn’t going to be here much longer.

“Right,” Dean said, handing the book back to you and you put it away in your blazer pocket.

“So, what did the doctor say about Kyle’s brothers?” You changed the subject.

“Not much, they were D.O.A. at the scene. He did give me the lowdown on the coroner's report.”

“Let me guess, their hearts missing?” Sam asked before Dean could tell.

“Nope,” Dean said with a sigh. Great, that meant that you weren’t dealing with a werewolf. Which also meant it could be a number of monsters killing people. “But chunks of their kidneys, lungs, and intestines were gone.”

“That’s just gross.” Sam gagged.

“Yeah, but that just means we’re not dealing with a werewolf. So, what are we dealing with?” You asked.

“Demon? The attacker could've been possessed.” Sam said.

“But why would a demon stop halfway through an attack?” Dean asked, stumping you and Sam.

“I got nothing,” You added.

“Yeah, me neither,” Sam said with a sigh.

“Okay, let’s just go find a motel and hopefully by then, we will have figured this out.” You suggested and you three changed courses and walked back to the car.

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