#I’m waiting to fucking live
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We’re okay 95% of the time but sometimes we remember that we likely won’t be able to transition until we’re like 20-fucking-5 and get the insatiable urge to Throw Things
(Cw for some trans-related rage/desperation in the tags)
#the nhs#can go fuck itself#free healthcare is great#but not when the waitlist is practically longer than my own fucking age#(an exaggeration)#but fr guys I want to Bite Shit#these two fellas in a human trench coat just want to be fucking people#and I don’t get why we have to wait five years to perfrom to some fucking doctor so they can decide#ahh maybe this one shall get to live#and the cis people in my life are lovely about me being trans#but Kinda Weird about me wanting to transition#barbra why you look so horrified when I say I want to grow a beard#geoff i appreciate that transitioning is a huge decision#but consider that fact we’ve been thinking about it every day for the past three years#this is not spontaneous#it is a fundamental part of why i am the way I am#and like#the people that are Okay with the idea of HRT#don’t even like talking about surgery#they’re nice about it but I can tell that they’re horrified#this thing I practically yearn for terrifies them#and I know I can’t wait until I medically transition to start living#but that’s what it feels like sometimes#I’m waiting to fucking live#im sitting in a body that is dead in a life that is dead#waiting to live#and it’s hard#it’s so fucking difficult sometimes#im here for the people going through this shit too#skull’s ramblings
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Reminder that the US bombed Iraq a day ago. Reminder that this attack has killed 16 Iraqis, many of whom were civilians. Reminder that Iraq has already suffered enough at the hands of US imperialism, that to this day it’s recovering from the aftermath of being defamed to the world as terrorists, from its cities being destroyed under the guise of “exterminating ISIS” (an echo of Israel decimating Palestine to “exterminate Hamas,” interesting), that the US has so many ulterior motives to continue encroaching upon Iraq that have nothing to do with their seemingly noble rationale, and that it does all this while funding Israel’s ongoing genocide of Palestinians (which are basically doing their dirty work of pushing further in on Arab territory). It’s jarring that this is all happening on a world stage & yet nothing is being done to stop it. Hands off Iraq. Free Palestine. Hands off Iraq. Free Palestine.
#palestine#gaza#iraq#israel#I have family living in Iraq. Loved ones I’m dying to see again. This can’t be swept under the rug#Can’t wait for Iraq to be painted as terrorists for rightfully retaliating against being fucking bombed
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Danny: *just chilling on the couch while being very still™️ at the Wayne Manor*
Clark: *comes to visit*
Clark: hey Bruce?
Bruce: yes?
Clark: why is there a dead child in your living room?
Bruce: what 0-0
Danny: oh shit
Danny: *starts up heartbeat* better?
Clark: *even more freaked out*
#someone commented this on another post#and omg I love#just imagine Danny hearing this and immediately panicking#like oh shit forgot to start my heart this morning#shit am I breathing today?#why did they have to notice it takes energy to do living things :(#Batfam: Danny are you alright?#Danny: yup!#Clark: no no he was dead he didn’t have a heartbeat for like 20 minutes since I’ve been here#Danny: don’t fucking blow my cover Boy Scout#Batfam: Danny are your dead? 🥺#Danny: yes—Wait no that’s not I’m not a ghost#Batfam: wut#dp x dc#dc x dp#dpxdc#danny phantom#dcxdp#danny fenton#dp x dc crossover#dp x dc prompt#batfam#dc x dp prompt
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MW3 spoilers / MCD ‼️
#mw3#mw3 spoilers#cod mwiii#mwiii spoilers#cod#cod spoilers#call of duty#call of duty spoilers#ghostsoap#soapghost#simon ghost riley#cod fanart#my art#can’t wait for ghost going savage mode next game :)#I want him to fuck everyone up#i still live in denial but I had to get this drawing out of my system#never bury your enemies alive#the second Makarov said that I was like oh boy#I know a guy that applies to#ngl I’m proud of this one#it’s messy but kinda slaps#mcd#major character death#oh wait hang on#… this sentence is the last thing soap ever heard#alright time to go cry again :) see ya lads
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Perfect 🎃
#destiel#dean Winchester#castiel#Destiel art#spnfanart#wiggleart#I was going to wait until September 1 to post this but I’m so fucking sick of summer and August In general#the treees are already turning where I live and I want my pumpkin spice chai already#so fuck it! fall starts now!#tbh for me fall starts on August 1 because I refuse to give summer another month lmao#but yeah#fall art time babey
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Bangel + Cookie Dough 🍪
“Angel. I do…sometimes think that far ahead.”
#btvsedit#atsedit#buffyverse#buffy the vampire slayer#angel the series#bangel#Buffy x Angel#Buffy summers#Angel btvs#*gif#zanisummers#dailybtvs#dailyats#usernaj#otp: how's forever?#just to clarify#I do like that Buffy ends up single and I like the cookie dough speech for what it means for her and her journey of self discovery#I just think it’s kind of adorable that Angel has a meltdown about it lol#he’s waiting patiently and how dare the immortal eat cookie dough!!!!!!!!!!!#the fact that he’s still thinking about it several months later lol what a fucking baby (affectionate)#anyway after many many years#Buffy shows up at Angel’s door with a box of freshly baked cookies (and a prescription for soul anchorage from Willow)#and they live happily every after (or at least their version of it)#Also Spike being so offended on Angel’s behalf is top tier comedy#I’m an enjoyer of The Girl In Question#for the shenanigans#sue me
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Canon James Potter on hearing his name is linked to two ships in ao3’s top 20 ships for 2023 (no 8 and no 18):
Canon James Potter on hearing the most popular of the two is him & Sirius’ Deater baby brother Reggie:
#lol I’ve nothing against Jegulus#but I think canon James would be shook 🤣🤣🤣!#he’d be all listen#I had world saving sex#of course I’m mentioned twice in the top 20 list#😏😉😇#*preening* *strutting* *fussing with his hair* *repeatedly throwing and catching a stolen snitch*#WAIT WHAT ????!!#😱😬🧐😳#regulus??? as in Reggie I joined the Deaters at 18 and had a collage of Voldy on my bedroom wall Reggie?!?#*backs slowly out of the room*#*watching Sirius’ face*#*muttering expletives and words such as what the ever living fuck#*how did this happen??*#*more importantly why did this happen?*#*you’ll have to ask him I refuse to incriminate myself*#also *WHAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!*#Sirius Black: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU ENDED UP HAVING SEX WITH MY BABY BROTHER???? THE LESS ATTRACTIVE BLACK BROTHER??????!!!!!!!!!!#Reggie? the less good looking bro???#surely to fuck if you were going to fuck one of us it’s have to be me Merlin damn it man!!!!!#the Deaters are the Death Eaters (you had to be there#(involves the scarlet pimpernel)
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stan: how can you be polyamorous and aroace, or…whatever mabel called it?
ford: in my case, i have my family and i have my platonic polycule. i would prefer to never have to interact with anyone outside these two groups
stan: what about soos and wendy? they’re not in either of those groups
ford: first of all, i am soos’ uncle, second of all, are you saying you don’t believe i would both die and kill for wendy?
stan: you’ve got a weird way of defining family, six
ford: it’s my favorite way
#it’s the last day of june and i have not been queering it up nearly enough with these text posts#needed to let myself be at least a indulgent. anyway#gravity falls#ford pines#stan pines#(stan: wait who’s the extra person in your polycule#ford: oh you wouldn’t know it it goes to another dimension)#in all seriousness though#i have not stopped thinking about ford being at least friends with the hidebehind since that au I created#so the hidebehind is definitely in on the polycule. it goes fiddleford and ford + ford and hidebehind#maybe the moth man gets thrown in too. i don’t know maybe it likes being mercilessly hunted down#who am i to assume#if the moth man was there too maybe…#ford and moth man + moth man and fiddleford + fiddleford and ford + ford and hidebehind?#i like to go with the idea that moth man is more of a warning before disasters rather than bringing them#(and we don’t even know if the gravity falls moth man is the same as virginia’s moth man)#so i think fiddleford would like him. they share superstitions and moth man is like a comfort cat#is moth man showing signs that something bad is about to happen? if no then you have physical living evidence that nothing bad is happening#if yes. fucking panic.#if they ever hit a yes the polycule may be in slight trouble of losing moth man as a member#i personally never got on board with the ford x moth man train so i’m going to keep my headcanon platonic polycule to#fiddauthor + hideford#created a new ship name what the fuck is wrong with me (lighthearted). happy pride month 🦕🏳️⚧️🦑🏳️🌈
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Grips my shirt and tears it apart so that all the buttons go flying and SCREAMS I love Law and Cora so much what the FUCK!!!!
#Shima speaks#SLAMS MY HEAD INTO THE WALL. BREAKING THE PLASTER. LEAVING A HOLE#AGHHH. AGHHFHF HELP#Cora who saw a kid so angry and bitter at the world decided to throw away everything to save him despite the whole WORLD saying he couldn’t#Law who finally realized there’s still hope left in the world and hope left for him and there’s someone willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING#Just to save him. Just to give him a fighting chance. Just to let him be FREE#Law who came to realize how much Cora meant to him and how much love and care Cora had for him. Then losing all that in an INSTANT#The one person he cared about more than anything sacrificed his LIFE for him#And Law spent the next 13 YEARS working to avenge Cora…naming his pirate crew getting tattoos fashioning his Jolly Roger ALL after Cora#TATTOOS!!! HE GOT PERMANENT MARKINGS ON HIS BODY SYMBOLIZING CORA#I’M. GOING TO FUCKING EXPLODE AND BLOW UP. WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK#Oda writing the most epic revenge quest in history#They mean so much to me I’m GOING to die. Right here and now#Cora giving up everything for Law and Law giving up everything for Cora…THAT’S TRUE LOVE BABEY#No matter what kind of form it comes in that’s TRUE. LOVE. PERIODT#One Piece#Do you think Law still would have gotten tattoos symbolizing Cora if Cora had lived. I wonder about that sometimes.#I feel like he would. I feel like he’d wear them proudly and Cora would be SO embarrassed about it#Law’s not shy about shit like that he’d be super smug about it too#Law: You saved me and gave my life meaning why WOULDN’T I want to permanently mark my body to honor that#Cora: Because it’s embarrassing! Lawwww!!! 😭#Law: Too bad doing it anyway <3#Cora: You know what. Fine. But I’m getting a tattoo that symbolizes YOU#Law: PLEASE???#Cora: WH. WAIT THAT BACKFIRED THAT IS NOT HOW YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO REACT#Cora you NEED to match his freak okay.#I heavily hc Law to be absolutely unhinged over the people he cares about#Like scarily possessive AND obsessive kind of unhinged#He and Cora can have an unhealthy codependent relationship. As a treat <3#Okay shutting up now SORRY I’m just. Unwell. Sighs dramatically
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okay, I’m going full red string over the last episode. mainly because if queen amangeaux (put some goddamn respect on her name) had a child with her husband, wouldn’t that have solved all her problems? Sure, it would make her a target but the bishop was already warning her to lay low at the festival, and at least this would’ve secured her place on the throne until her child came of age. Unless she knew she was pregnant and then she decided not to say anything in trying to follow the bishop’s advice? Or she didn’t know at the time and then everything popped off. But that makes the baby at least a year and 3/4 months (if we use human pregnancy as the timeline??) and the baby read more as a newborn to me? Also in the adventuring party when they discussed the bishop’s secret, Anjali pointed out that he could’ve been poisoning her or her husband with the tea leaves to stop her from producing an heir. which could be a red herring, or could mean that the baby belongs to someone other than her husband, hence why she’s hidden him away. which would make sense since the coloring is a little different. So either the baby isn’t hers biologically and is just in her care, she had an affair while her husband was still alive, the baby is the true heir, or she got pregnant in the two year time jump.
how the fuck am I losing my mind over a mango’s sex life how did I get here
#anjali bhimani#the ravening war#the ravening war spoilers#dimension 20#d20#acoc and trw will really have you deeply invested and emotional in the inner lives of characters only for you to remember halfway through#they’re fucking food#also I really sat there and did a pregnancy timeline with a mango before being like???#do they do the whole 9 month thing or??#like what’s the lore there#also it was amazing storytelling for aabria to sell her out#I’ve never seen Anjali before but she’s fucking incredible and such a great presence at the table#I hope we get to see her more!!#but also I’m sad about them considering how much amangeaux really seems to care for karna#and also it’s just a poor baby!#these characters all have such good secrets I can’t wait to know more
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JJK is literally worse than me being an orphan.
#i say this with my whole heart.#is JJK worse than me being an orphan becasue it’s so heart wrenching or is it so heart wrenching because i’m an orphan#seriously if you ever want to know what extreme grief feels like#JJK#is the best way to understand a diluted version of it#or at least the grief i’ve gone through#like the horrible chest caving in and you can’t breathe and you’re like WAIT WHAT- BECAUSE PEOPLE KEEP FUCKING DYING#shits wild#gego#geto suguru#sashisu#073#satosugu#jujutsu kaisen#jjk season 2#jujutsu sorcerer#i will continue to live in my delulu land that everyone is alive and happy
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hey um
i’m really fucking happy
like
oh my god
my friend gave me one of his old binders the euphoria
im actually so happt
i feel so happyaaaaa
#trans joy#i’m just so fucking happy#my chest is flat#i’m going to cry with joy#like idk if y’all know how long i’ve waited to “need” one of these#like not letting myself get one until dysphoria gets so bad i can’t go outside#and now#ghe euphoria is fucking worth it#the euphoria#this is what being trans means#this is who iam#and i’m so happy#and i’m so excited to keep living#cause i think#i really really want to be happy#and i’m so goddamn happy#please can i just have this forever
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Dallas Liu met Kiawentiio when she was 14 and he was 20… and there’s some of y’all shipping them
#live action Zutara would be weird asf sorry I’m not praying for a man to kiss a girl 6 years younger than him#“oh she’s going to be 18 for the next season…#bruh why are you already WAITING for her to turn 18???#that’s fucking weird#dallas liu#kiawentiio#I like Zukka… but I’m not praying or anything for it to become canon in the show bc that’s so unrealistic#avatar the last airbender#zuko#katara#that’s probably why Dallas is talking so much about Zukka tbh so people don’t get him twisted into a love story with kiawentiio
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.🫠
#small update: my anxiety is a bitch and i shouldn’t listen to it#i have slept absolutely zero in the past 24 hours#my entire body is humming#my lips are bruised#highlights include:#genuinely being a treat to talk to!#his fucking h a n d s oh my god - something about people who play instruments for a living#the n o i s e s 🫠🤤#he’s so desperate to be choked it’s honestly insane: takes it so so fucking well#also also: very anticipatory of what i want and need which is a fucking treat#i’m going to ruin this man and i cannot fucking wait: he’s so adorable and so eager to please#he’s headed outta town for a week on friday: so the real question is do i try and see him beforehand - or make him wait until he’s back#🦴
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oh no it seems I have tripped and fallen onto playing episode one of rusty quill gaming
We are so back guys >:)
#are we ready for eli randomly live blogging rqg!!!! I know I am and I’m eli :D#oh how I’ve missed rqg#Bertie is back… can’t wait to be his biggest hater again#ZOLF HEALING EVERONE ON EP 1#oh he is so <333#fucking figgis man#rqg#rusty quill gaming#eli madness
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rehyperfixating on a children’s game that came out in 2015, is one of the least popular entries in its series, and has minimal content, the vast majority of which i’ve seen before. the series has been dead for nearly 10 years, nothing has happened recently that would warrant anyone’s returning interest in it, very few of my friends give a shit about this specific game, and those few who played and liked it in the past have no reason to give a shit about it at all right now. i have been coasting through on a playthrough i’ve been doing with a friend who’d never seen the game before and who was kind enough to let me show it to them, but we just beat the game, and after we play the epilogue we will have nothing left to do, and on top of that they really have just been humoring me as they have their own very strong current hyperfixation they would much rather be thinking about. also i am depressed enough right now that literally nothing else except for waiting to play this game with them and playing this game with them and watching them enjoy it at least a little has been able to briefly quiet the constant cacophony in my head screaming how much of a worthless, lazy, constantly-failing miserable excuse for a living person i am and how much better everything would be, especially for myself, if i stopped existing lately. would anyone like to volunteer to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ because i would really like for someone to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ right now
#me.txt#delete ltr#and i like hearing my friends talk about and show me their interests but it isnt enoughhhh its not enough right now to make my head SHUT UP#right now the only thing that can give me energy is a hyperfixation like this#but with enough content and engagement from others to keep subsisting me without hitting a wall#SOMETHING THAT IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO DO WHEN YOU CANNOT DRAW OR WRITE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#BECAUSE WHEN NOBODY IS MAKING ANYTHING!!!!! AND YOU CANT MAKE ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!!!! ALL YOU CAN DO IS CURL UP AND STARVE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼#immmm so sick of the only thing that makes being alive feel worth it being hyperfixations theres nothing REAL tying me down i cant stand it#because i am!! too broken!!!! to ever achieve any of the things that WOULD give me a real solid tangible reason to keep living!!!!!!#like a stable job!!!! a place of my own!!! a partner whos dedicated to me above everyone else and me to them in return!!!!!!!#a LIFE that isnt just constantly failing over and over and waiting for the shoe to drop and to lose everything all over again!!!!!!!!!!!!#i dont have that!!! and i cant have that!!!!! because im too broken to be able to cultivate and maintain it!!!!!#and the only way. to fix myself enough to be able to do so.#would be to HAVE ENOUGH STABILITY THAT ID HAVE THE TIME AND ENERGY TO PUT INTO FIXING MYSELF AND HEALING#i cant fix myself without stability and freedom. and i cant get stability and freedom unless i’m fixed#so it is. literally impossible!!!!!!!#impossible to create my own concrete solid reason to be here.#impossible for me to even create anything to feed the fixations that are my backup reasons.#theres nothing!! nothing!!! i have nothing new to leap to and ive been dwindling for too long and i think i am about to drown#im just waiting for time to tick out. for me to fuck up too badly to come back from one last time and get found out and punished.#and then? theres nothing left. theres literally nothing else left for me
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