#I’m tired it’s late ignore this
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#current 3 am thoughts that are making me feel a little insane#I constantly feel as if I’ll never experience a love or desire that isn’t born out of lust#or intentions to only take from me and never give#the only love I’ve ever known is fleeting and transactional and conditional on how I showed up for someone#never allowing me to show as myself or ask for any of my needs to be met#or ask to simply be seen and known#and it’s become so familiar#so ingrained in that I unconsciously seek out connection and attachment that feels that way#because it’s hard to train yourself to recognize that you deserve way more than that#and it’s also hard to let someone love#you in the ways you deserve#which includes letting them love all the things that other people broke#and it’s so hard for me to let someone else do that#my brain tells me ‘this isn’t their fault. they shouldn’t have to fix this.’#‘they shouldn’t have to deal with the things that are broken in order to love me’#and in this I keep myself at an arms distance to what I really want#and keep inviting in what I don’t want#or completely shutting myself out from both of those things#and the cycle never ends#I’m tired it’s late ignore this#mine#text post#late night thoughts
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Holy shit I love your Dirk interpretations, it's so true and I could talk about this shit forever. I feel like another part of his character that people seem to forget (along with Roxy for some reason) is that he's from the future in solitude in an apocalyptic wasteland. I just see that part of his character always removed which is disappointing because I feel like that's a pretty big part, especially regarding his themes around technology, his brother's theme of Time, his own isolation, and how he plays in the vastness of the universe and spacetime.
Art I drew related to the subject because I like to respond to asks with art.
But absolutely. I certainly understand where the lack of discussion over his isolation + upbringing comes from, considering a majority of the fanbase that I have seen builds their ideas based on their own version of postcanon. I’m not entirely sure how that would be fixed, but certainly even in the somewhat recent past I would see a lot more content regarding his upbringing both literally and symbolically. I don’t have much to add regarding the things you’ve mentioned, because they just are what they are. Dirk being confined to a singular room left to him by a father figure he never met, in a future where the only other person left on the planet is someone he cannot pursue a relationship of because of himself, with purely 3 robots to keep him companion, one being an exact replica of his own brain who is *also* trapped inside a pair of glasses, is about as literal as it gets to me.
The contrast to me involving the flooded, organic world in comparison to the little speckle of Dirk’s apartment packed with the dude and his technics is not only a representation of his isolation and entrapment within himself, but also of his lack of control. I think his obsession with & themes of control are a direct product in the case of Dirk specifically *of* this kind of upbringing. His themes of technology are also related to his themes around control. So much of his character is actually revolved around this to me like so much. Dirk is so deeply disconnected from humanity in every way and so much of his character + symbolism is based around that.
It doesn’t even have to be about the symbolism or anything though. It’s just pretty *interesting* in the literal sense that he lives in the middle of the ocean in the future. There’s not only a lot to theorise on to do with his young life there, but on how it might affect him in the way he acts for the rest of his life. The latter part is probably what I see mentioned the most by people talking about Dirk regarding this, I’m surprised I don’t see more discussion on the former too though. I really ought to actually talk more about Homestuck stuff on here. I will do it myself.
Roxy & Dirk’s relationship is largely ignored though because there is a narrative a certain demographic spreads that Dirk resented and blamed Roxy for her interest in him, and thus too many people believe that their relationship was or would continue to be an abusive one. Realistically, I believe it’s important to acknowledge that the way Roxy treated Dirk regarding his homosexuality wasn’t right while still acknowledging the obvious amount of respect and admiration Dirk had for Roxy. I mean we have a huge piece of dialogue from their post trickster mode conversations on the quest beds from Dirk purely stating how he feels about Roxy that people completely ignore somehow. I think this usually happens to characters that are women though. I know everyone says it, but it is true. Jane gets the exact same treatment of boiling her down to solely her negative aspects. The things I see completely mischaracterising both of them are horrific.
I mean how much more explicit can it get that their relationship is obviously very important to Dirk? But I digress. I think the best or I should say “most interesting” interpretations of their relationship usually come from DirkRoxy shippers actually.
I would be interested to hear about Dirk’s relation to his brother’s theme of time though. I don’t have any thoughts on this and I don’t recall ever hearing anyone talk about it before. If you or anyone else would be willing to enlighten me I’d be thrilled.
#homestuck#homestuck fanart#hs fanart#dirk strider#blooby posting#ask#Sorry for taking so long to reply to you on this. I’ve been in more of a drawing than a speaking mood lately#which is very unusual for me. This is definitely not as much of a post as it could be but I’m still not back on my thought and speech game#I know the Roxy mention was in brackets but good lord the treatment Roxy gets from fanbase is insane. Couldn’t help myself#Sorry if anything is worded badly. I’m tired per usual#I think (with no malice in my heart) people just tend to leave out what they don’t like about characters though.#I was very briefly talking with Pomme johnegbertirl#and it got me thinking about how far a lot of people’s interpretations of characters stray from what would be realistic to canon#based on their own biases. Which I guess I probably do too to a certain degree.#I’m not one to judge people for their characterisations at all#I tend to be very forgiving when it comes to reads#but… I admit that is indeed a little disappointing to see how completely ignored some parts of his characters are.#Sorry for tangent that is tenuously related. It is relevant enough to shove haphazardly into tags#I’m glad you like my Dirk ramblings though. Thanks brother#We live on
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love u lottie but u scared me w this one
#she’s so silly#this was like a big style experiment and i kinda like it tbh#way more texture i used literally one brush#though#i kinda like it wdyt#let’s ignore the anatomy and lighting it’s late and i’m tired and i wanted to draw lottie what’s not clicking#anyways time for tags#lottie yellowjackets#yellowjackets showtime#yellowjackets#sheps art#art#fanart#yellowjackets fanart#lottie matthews#charlotte matthews
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Mechtober Day 25: (No) Happy Endings
I was gonna say ‘In just under the wire 😤😤’ but it’s actually the 26th for me now so I’m late
#ignore the fact I just traced my OUATIS drawing from 2021 but with updated designs#and the fact that the Aurora is just copypasted from late year#I’m still tired 💀#the mechanisms#the mechs#mechtober#mechtober 2023#mechtober 23#once upon a time in space#ulysses dies at dawn#high noon over camelot#the bifrost incident#the starship aurora
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Ace Trappola - 1/7
Werewolf Subspecies: Cascade Mountain Wolf
Despite coming from a human family, Ace was the only one of the Trappola children to receive the werewolf gene. Maybe it's because of this circumstance, or maybe the place they live, that caused Ace to be born as a wolf that's been extinct for many decades now.
Being the only werewolf in a human family has led to many, subconscious, cultural differences in what's considered "normal". Because of this Ace doesn't quite know how to act civil and regularly acts out due to pent up energy and instinct. He has, unfortunately, been deemed as "the designated trouble-maker of Heartslaybul", despite most of his transgressions not being ones of purpose or aggression.
#All the AU first years have been completed.#I can finally share these now :D#phuuca's art#twst werewolf au#werewolves#ace trappola#twst ace#twst#twisted wonderland#twst fanart#fanart#art#digital art#digital artwork#firealpaca#firealpaca art#reference sheet#ignore the anatomical errors#I only noticed them late at night and I’m tired
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ib: this artwork from @miiilowo i love fake videogames
#Sam is current playing-character but you can switch with dean depending on the plot#can u ignore the fact that it’s not to computer canvas ratio I noticed it too late#sorry I half-assed n rushed this….#might do a redraw but it’s midnight and I’m tired#sam winchester#dean winchester#spn fanart#my art#spn
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somtimes you think you want to disappear but all you really want is to be found
#sadgirl#i'm sad#im sad and tired#im screaming inside my head#sad boy#sad but true#sad thoughts#sewerslidal#depressing shit#sorry for being depressing#this is a call for help#ignore this#my thoughts#drown in my mind#help my sanity#im gonna go cry now#its to late#& ㅤ * ㅤ maybe i’m not ; all that you thought ㅤ ╰ ㅤ ☀ ㅤ out.#but maybe#i should kms#i should stop#my dms are always open#dms open#sighs loudly#i love yall#lo siento#losing control#its too hard#im sorry#i wanna die
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i actually feel so incredibly uncomfortable and isolated in this space right now and i know that’s silly because of how many people there are just like me who share the same feelings but idk…the fact that people even think this is defensible behavior is making me feel sick
#nothing quite like being reminded how disposable you are#during the pandemic that set the stage for everyone to show exactly how much they don’t care about disabled people#i’m tired of people not taking this shit seriously and i’m incredibly angry about it#because i know y’all who are reckless and ignorant and think you’re invincible are going to be the same ones begging to be let in#when they ultimately become disabled too.#and you know what? i’m not ready to give those people grace yet#been screaming it for years but nobody listens until it’s too late#have already had people with obvious long covid who spouted ableist rhetoric this entire pandemic#come to me asking for advice#and honestly? i don’t think you deserve advice#i have so much empathy but i’m TIRED#i don’t fucking care anymore i get that we’ve been lied to this entire time but if you actually wanted to do the research you would#and since i know nobody cares about protecting others#i think you would at least care about protecting yourself considering how selfish you’ve proven yourselves to be#this is at the entire world and everyone who refuses to wake up to the fact that we are screwed#disabled people have been telling you this entire time and it’s still a fuckimg joke#and it will only become serious when it affects them directly#i’m so angry right now#and honestly? if you feel like this is about you at all? in any way? that’s your sign#do fucking better. TEST WHEN YOURE SIXK#stop fucking going out when you’re sick unless it’s necessary#i’m so so tired
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Icebound episode 15 spoilers under the cut
You know, idk if it’s a good or bad thing that I had the previous context of Baldur’s Gate 3, where the entire plot of the game involves Mindflayers and their whole mindfuckery, before starting the Ogreton arc in Icebound, because the MOMENT someone eluded to some kind of mindfuckery, my mind IMMEDIATELY went to Illithids or something of that nature. And I’m kinda glad I was right but I also hate the way I found out that I was right
It’s kinda like the wendigo thing ya know? Because I had the previous context of Until Dawn (a horror game involving the lore of the wendigo), as well as my subsequent hyperfixation of researching the wendigo when I was like 13, I had an inkling that wendigo was going to be involved in some way in Icebound. And, again, I was correct, but I also hate the way I found out I was correct
Also, side note, but I love the fact that Derek mashed up a bunch of different mythologies and folklore and practices for Icebound. Like the wendigo from Native American folklore, the Aztec death whistle that Derek used for the wendigo followed by the Dragonborn Druid camp and their practices being similar to the Aztecs, as well as Ogreton having a lot of ancient Greek and ancient Roman influences (also maybe being partially inspired by the tale of the lotus eaters from the Odyssey?)
Like how has it taken me THIS long to watch Icebound. Genuinely, how. Literally EVERYTHING about it is so up my alley because I have at one point or another have hyperfixated on just about everything that very clearly has some kind of influence on this campaign. Obviously i know the Icebound and OUAW campaigns didn’t exist when I was 13/14, but man if they did I absolutely would’ve eaten this shit up. Probably would’ve even gotten into D&D sooner tbh.
#this really turned into a loopy late-night ramble huh#I know I don’t make sense ignore me#it’s like 2:30 in the morning and I’m tired#I just really needed to say this ya know?#no but seriously tho#this campaign is like soul food for my inner 13yo#no wonder it was calling to me when I was looking at their campaigns after Witchlight#Witchlight might’ve gotten to me first but Icebound now has me by a chokehold#and if Icebound is still going when Witchlight ends its hiatus#I am going to be eating good#legends of avantris#once upon a witchlight#ouaw#icebound#2am ramblings
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drawing raine every time it rains (day 1)
bard's first wanted poster!! eda's very proud of them
#raine whispers#toh#the owl house#toh raine#raeda#raineda#ignore the weird shading#it’s late#i’m tired#drawing raine when it rains
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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🙄
#ranting again sorry#but I feel like my closest people have treated me so badly lately#and before I’ve just ignored it but I’m so tired of it and now I’m just angry#like the whole situation is so absurd I won’t explain it here because I’m scared I’ll get recognized but#blaming me for you feeling bad about yourself when I’ve done literally nothing makes me feel so guilty for no reason#also convinced they’re talking shit about me all the time but yeah whatever#fuck everyone I’ll only live in my own little olli/allu bubble from now on thank you#spar rants
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Controversial but I genuenly think Eve should take a one yearish break and rethink some things, there’s no way that man has made three songs that sound exactly the same
#to me at least#like yeh I feel he should just take a break do some other stuff maybe some new inspo#cause even if I support him I’m kinda tired of all the commercial songs like#idk as of late everything seems so forced#ignoring insomnia for a moment (which I like) nothing he has released as of late has a grip on me#literally last song and mv I truly enjoyed was touhiko and that came out almost a year ago#no wonder why sou is always in top of my music lists since he has different stuff#which ig it’s easier with the utaote status since he sings a different range of songs and his albums are big collabs with other people#idk man#it’s not like I don’t like the new eve don’t get me wrong but#sigh#btw none of this means I want dramaturgy eve back I know he’s gone and that’s a good thing too but this new evolution to cutely anime songs#is just ugh#fight song I’m sorry I took you for granted#anyway sorry for the rant
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not sure if this is accurate for either of them in the slightest but the thought of Jonah wanting to have a pet raccoon was rlly funny to me for no reason, so i wanted to draw it haha
oc’s belong to @quietpossum
#IGNORE JONAHS HAIR I STG IT GOT MISCENTERED AND IT WAS LATE INTO THE DRAWING AND I WAS TOO TIRED TO FIX IT#i will forever have issues with this man’s hair 💔#i wanted to draw them again but i had no ideas i wanted to commit to just yet#so i put their names into one of those incorrect quote generator things for inspiration maybe? and it worked cause it gave me that lol#i did it for six of crows too AND IT GAVE ME GREAT ONES ILL PROBABLY DRAW SOME OF THOSE LATER#anyways i’m rambling AGAIN#the divine archive#jonah#stranger#original character
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the way i’m applying for so many jobs and not even receiving so much as a rejection letter in response
#i’m going to tear the world to pieces WHY CANT I FIND A JOB!!!!!!!#IM APPLYING TO PLACES LIKE FUCKING MCDONALDS WHICH SAY HIRING ON THEIR SIGN#literally What The Fuck#what am i doing wrong#i’ve applied for sm jobs lately and i’m not even kidding i’ve gotten exactly one (1) rejection back#all the others have just completely ignored or ghosted me#i’m so tired dude….#idk if i have it in me to apply and get ghosted by another fucking mcdonalds 😭#job searching#job search#unemployed#unemployment
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tfw u finally go to make urself a dinner plate and some nasty ass man walks into the kitchen, picks up the entire serving bowl of creamed corn and puts his filthy mouth on the bowl like it’s a giant cup and tilts it straight in. multiple times. 🙃
#could you not wait long enough to get a fucking spoon and your own bowl like a civilized human respectful of other people#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#food mention#yeah no it’s cool it’s fine it’s not like i wanted to eat some too or anything#it’s not like that’s one of the only vegan dishes here that i can therefore eat haha no it’s fine#i guess a normal person wouldn’t let it bother them but my OCD is having none of it. that corn is Tainted with your Mouth Germs now#oh what you want one of the last rolls that i was gonna eat? yeah no that’s cool man that’s fine eat as much as you want! :)#i hate the holidays more and more every year. nothing but stress and for what. i don’t even like these people#but whatever i guess i shouldn’t bitch about it when i choose to remain here#as if everyone with a shitty family has the power and ability to just Leave. i don’t think you realize the extent of my disability#but fucking whatever#someone put dirty plates in the cabinet with the clean ones#someone put the turkey in with a sink full of dishes#someone put the mashed potatoes in the bread box#i’m not even exaggerating#ahhh the joys of being the only sober person here. man what the actual hell. what level of intoxication must one reach to do this shit#whatever it’s fine i just have to learn to stop giving a fuck. let them be stupid and live with the consequences.#it’s late and i’m getting a stress headache. time to go brave the kitchen once more and actually get food this time#then i can be miserable in bed. but with food :) and eat myself sick as a shitty form of self-soothing#but it’s fine today bc it’s literally Eat Too Much day in the US so for once it’s kinda normal#then be too tired and depressed to make myself brush my teeth. and therefore contribute to my dental issues. two birds and all that#am i even making sense anymore. im so tired. of being a person. and like. existing#but im grateful to have food and running water and electricity and a place to sleep and everything else i take for granted#so i should just focus on that and try to ignore all the bad#ough i feel sick. okay Food Time fr this time. let’s hope no one’s in the kitchen now
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