#I’m suppose to be socializing but I’m too autistic to not think about him

[sleepiilemonade]

Guys I’m literally at a birthday party with like 40 people and I can’t stop thinking about him I pinky promise I’m not insane

[imsosleepyofyourbull]

I firmly believe that Kabru is autistic but masks so hard that he’s convinced himself and (almost) everyone around him that he’s neurotypical.

That man’s special interest is people and how they work, but he just thinks it’s him Being So Good At Socializing — like he doesn’t spend 95% of his time people watching and adjusting his personality in response to the traits he witnesses and obsessing over the intricacies of human interaction while mapping an ever growing relationship chart in his head. For fun. He even admits it in the manga!

Like, look at him!!!

It’s such a shame that — because he’s the narrative foil to Laios and his interest is generally considered more “socially acceptable” in both their world and our own — more people don’t realize this about him. He’s constantly misinterpreted as a horribly manipulative person who only acts the way he does to use the people around him, when that’s explicitly shown to not be the case at all. Kabru is naturally empathetic and is almost always thinking about other people, regardless of whether or not they’re right there with him or a thousand miles away.

I mean, his most defining motivation is his desire to do everything he can to avoid another tragedy like the one at Utaya. Someone who doesn’t care wouldn’t have a goal like that, and they most certainly wouldn’t go about it the way he does. He’s constantly working to help people who can help everyone else and tries so hard to make sure that anyone who seems like a threat is actually someone he needs to worry about before doing anything about it. His supposed aversion to Laios is only because of the ridiculous trolley problem he’s set up in his own head.

Outside of that, he (rather justifiably) hates monsters but is desperate to understand Laios’ love for them and his apparently most selfish goal in getting close to the guy was literally just to become friends with him.

When he’s interacting with the canaries and they imply that they’re going to take him and all of his friends to the West, his first thought is of Rin and how much she’d hate to be stuck in the place that gave her so many bad memories.

He helps Kuro learn Common when Mickbell is asleep and firmly looks forward to the day that the half-foot and Kuro can communicate properly so that their relationship can get properly started without any miscommunication.

And he understands Mithrun with only a handful of weeks AT BEST interacting with him, getting enraged when the elf seems to give up and immediately trying to help him find a new motivation for life.

I’m excited just thinking about the day that Kabru starts unmasking more and more around his friends — both new and old — because if being with my current friend group has taught me anything, it’s that hanging out with anyone so unabashedly themselves is bound to make you more comfortable with yourself too. It’s part of the reason why I like Labru so much! There’s something nice about imagining them hanging out in the throne room or laying in the grass outside and talking for hours on end about their special interests. They might not strictly understand what the other finds so fascinating about monsters or people, but they can grasp that shared feeling of love.

They probably influence each other in really good ways too, with Kabru helping Laios figure out what people are thinking even when it doesn’t make sense or Laios helping Kabru understand that not everyone and everything needs to be analyzed a thousand times over. They both get to learn that there are people like them and people who will love them without them ever having to change a thing about themselves. They deserve to know that they’re fine the way they are.

[tvklike]

i feel like toshiro gets too much hate like. ofc he clashes with a western autistic man with different social norms and no boundaries. of course shuro is going to be uncomfortable when his own boundaries are crossed, and being from the culture he is from, it’s difficult to outright express those boundaries in a polite way. he was always secretive and lowkey about a lot of things, his feelings of dislike towards some of laios’s traits is normal i think. he doesn’t dislike laios because he’s autistic. imo i don’t think he dislikes laios at all, he just doesn’t know how to stand up for himself until he hits a breaking point. i think people forget that when we see shuro for a second time and he’s “being mean to laios”, he’s literally at his all time lowest he could be. he doesn’t eat or take care of himself or even think of how much energy he has left. hes just doing the same thing laios’s party is doing (going to save falin) a little differently and with a different party.

all that to say don’t say shuro is a bastard and mean it, because he is a well written character with feelings that can be hurt and boundaries that can be crossed just like any other character. and that’s to say that laios has pretty much crossed everyone’s boundaries at some point, and they’ve lashed out at him about it too. it just so happens that their lashing out is seen as comical and lighthearted, whereas shuro’s lashing out happens at a very tense and serious part of the storyline, so people automatically paint shuro as the bad guy bc “laios is autistic how was he supposed to know” ok but that doesn’t mean laios is absolved of hurting the feelings of others, even the ones he cares for. do not infantilize an autistic adult by saying they’re not responsible for their actions, bc they “don’t know better”. autistic people are capable of growth and character development as well. if shuro came up to laios and was like “hey i didn’t like what you did/said earlier i would like to ask if you didn’t do that again/[insert other mutually beneficial solution here], laios would totally be all “oh shit dude i’m sorry i didn’t know you felt that way thanks for telling me i’ll do my best to work on that because i value our friendship (: “

LIKE DO YOU GET MY VISION. THEY ARE BESTIES. DONT LET THE FANDOM MAKE YOU THINK THEY HATE EACH OTHER

[cookii-moon]

Introducing… the Perfectly Neurotypical Ninja!!!

(I had an idea and thought it’d be funny)

our first incredibly neurotypical ninja is…

✨ JAY! ✨

Has zero volume control whatsoever

He can NOT be quiet for the life of him

There is no way he doesn’t have some form of anxiety disorder

Like his entire panic and fear definitely seem like anxiety to me

Has a plushie he still sleeps with for comfort and is emotionally attached to (which is super real of him honestly)

Panic attacks

He DEFINITELY has hyperfixations

Have you just seen him in general

That one short where he just starts running around on the roof

Also that one time he and Kai were supposed to train and got distracted by competition (Actually this could probably apply to all the ninja because they do this type of thing all the time)

Got so hyperfixated on dancing games that he learnt how to dance

I don’t think he can sit still it just doesn’t seem possible to me

(I’m not a Jay fan so I can’t point to much else off the top of my head but we’re all in agreement there’s no way he’s neurotypical right?)

Okay never mind, our FIRSt neurotypical ninja is…

✨ COLE! ✨

Talks to himself. A lot.

No seriously he talks to himself so much

Professional school dropout

Gets along great with animals and people who don’t fit in

Probably has owned a pet. Or five. (Probably a cat or a reptile) (he came around to them eventually and now he loves them) (dogs are too energetic and loud)

Most likely has depression

Definitely has sensory issues there’s no way he doesn’t

That one time he nearly had a breakdown from being overwhelmed. (Points to core shorts)

Dislikes metaphors (canon)

Wears the exact same hoodie without fail in every single episode where he has to wear civilian clothing (I think it’s a comfort thing at this point)

Probably taught himself several different ninja things he had no need to learn (why can he fight with a sword and nunchucks when he never uses either of them outside of a single special) (this also applies to shields and staffs and throwing stars but those are at least practical)

He says it’s to prepare but really he did it for fun

Has somehow not discovered his ninja special interest yet

(he physically can’t do anything else it’s too boring) (even when he’s not ninjaing he needs to practice once a day minimum or else he explodes)

Dances when happy/excited (definitely not a stim)

Immediately starts telling Jay about dancing when he enters the contest in a very excited manner (definitely not infodumping)

Has caused several misunderstandings due to bad social skills (he can NOT read the room for the life of him)

His best friend is Jay.

(even if he’s not autistic there’s no way this guy is neurotypical.)

(these are not the actions of a neurotypical person we’re all in agreement of that right)

Whoops… uh…never mind…our FIRST!!!! Neurotypical ninja…

✨ NYA! ✨

Terrified of failure

Like it haunts her she does NOT want to fail she has an entire arc devoted to it

Has a hard time letting go of things (she holds grudges A LOT)

This also includes things of sentimental value like Samurai X

Change is difficult for her just in general

SUPER stubborn

Definitely has a schedule that she envisions in her head but forgets to tell everyone else

(that short where she planned to spend time with Jay but he was going to the arcade)

Short temper especially on bad days

The more I write this the more I realize how little characterization she actually gets for most of the series

Justice for Nya honestly

(I’m assigning her neurodivergence I don’t care how short this is)

(I think autistic. But spicy.)

(probably also anxiety or OCD)

(do you see the vision)

….Okay so maybe not that one either- Uh… our FIRST!!! Neurotypical !!! Ninja!!!

✨ KAI! ✨

Has anger issues. Probably.

Super impulsive

No like incredibly impulsive. Ultra impulsive.

Craves attention but has really bad self worth issues

Hinges his worth on his powers (not healthy)

Wanted to be useful so badly that he convinced himself he’d get powers if he drop kicked Garmadon (it did not work)

Did I mention anger issues

Wants to be useful so he can protect!!!

That one time he and Jay were supposed to be training and-

Has zero patience

(I don’t know what flavor of neurodivergent he is but he’s neurodivergent somehow)

(once again I don’t pay attention to Kai there’s definitely more)

…Okay so this time for sure. Introducing FOR SURE our FIRST neurotypical ninja….

✨ ZANE! ✨

Do I even need to say anything

The entire episode “Home”

Social skills

Taking things literal

That one canon (?) book where he apparently has flashbacks to the ice emperor (im calling OCD or PTSD on that one Zane)

Also that one time he locked away bad memories in decoded (decoded is canon to me and the reason for that is mainly because it actually references ghost Cole (iirc) which is a miracle)

Yeah I think he has PTSD

that one time he hyperfixated on and roleplayed as a detective and then a pirate

probably more. Maybe.

That one’s a robot he’s disqualified. The FIRST, FOR SURE, NO MISTAKES, neurotypical ninja is…

✨ LLOYD! ✨

The fact he apparently has so much of starfarer memorized that he can nearly win a quiz contest thingy and the only thing that stopped him from doing that was that he hadn’t read a brand new limited edition issue

starfarer in general he is not normal about starfarer

Way too trusting for his own good

I would be more surprised if he didn’t have some sort of disorder considering everything he’s gone through

hes got to have at least something related to his trauma right

(This one is way shorter because. Again. Not a Lloyd fan. but. I think the starfarer thing is enough to push him into probably not neurotypical territory.)

(most kids do not know the entire plot and all the fun facts to a long running comic book series by heart)

Are you kidding me none of them are neurotypical?

Okay ne- what do you mean the last one

there’s those ones over there!!!! *points to Arin, Sora and wyldfyre*

Oh wait they’re also neurodivergent?

…..uuuuugh shows canceled then…. Sigh… Guess I’ll start up the Incredibly Neurodivergent Ninja show instead.

(disclaimer this is a joke)

(but they are all neurodivergent that part isn’t)

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Prelims - Propaganda Division - Round 2

Propaganda:

Amuro -

"Being a Newtype is just space autism to me. But also he sucks at falling in line in a structured environment, would rather work with machines than talk to people, and is only allowed as a child soldier because he's the bestest at big robots."

Kyouya -

"what's there to say? you know him. you love him. vote kyoya."

Euini -

"I relate a lot to his social anxiety, especially his performance anxiety that occurs when he's being watched by people, particularly due to his stress at needing to follow the plan/do things the "proper" way in order to not feel like he's a failure. he also stands like a lil autistic kid and i appreciate him so much for that.

(LIGHT SPOILERS) basically, he has a test that he needs to take in order to advance as a witch, and he keeps failing it because he cant perform properly while being watched by other people, even though he knows the "right" spells to use and why he's supposed to use them. on his third attempt of the test, he's prepared a "script" to use so that he can follow it and not worry about failing in the moment (in this case, his script is a hand-written book of the proper spells to use and the order in which he's supposed to use them), but when a part of the exam changes, he's no longer able to follow his script. because he's been taught all his life that there's only one proper way of doing things, his way of thinking is very rigid and he's not able to deviate from his plan without panicking. luckily, one of his fellow examinees (richeh from the autistic anime girls poll 💕) is able to convince him to try and change the way that he does things to something that is more attuned to his personal needs- basically change the way that he casts his spells and which spells to use so that he doesn't need to struggle with doing things in the way that everyone says that he should; the way that he cant seem to manage. but, even before richeh helped him with that though, he was still finding way to modify the "proper" spells a little bit to better suit his weaknesses. he was trying so hard to fit in to the mold that witch society gave him, but it just wasnt right for him and he was making it work however he could."

Aoi -

"He has a very devoted special interest in the idol Takada-chan, which he frequently imagines in fights and other situations… the moment someone (Itadori) expresses equal interest in something he is passionate about, he immediately declares them besties and brothers and creates a whole elaborate shared history for them that doesn’t actually exist. He’s not really interested in connecting with people who don’t share his interests. He’s seen as somewhat strange and eccentric. Though in the present he is respected because of his strength as a sorcerer, as a child he was very isolated."

Floyd -

"Has no emotional regulation skills and will make it everyone's problem. Prone to mood swings and can get angry at the drop of a hat, but can also be so goofy, silly, and lovely. Sways side to side for that good good stim, and loves to squeeze others (with violent intent and affectionate intent). Who doesn't love a good pressure stim? His interest in things can be fleeting, and his motivation to do things can change as quickly as his mood. Spontaneous and feral extraordinaire."

Apollo -

"Not canonically autistic but he has ZERO volume control plus he scripts/repeats stuff (“I’M FINE!!!”), sometimes mimics other people’s speech patterns (like replying “ja” to Klavier), sensitive to loud noises (stayed backstage at a concert cuz it was too loud) and bright lights (complained about the stage lights being too bright at the same concert + screamed when opening the hatch to the bright stage at magic show), and has been really into space since he was a kid, which could definitely be a hyperfixation (not to mention how he read every single one of Phoenix’s old case files back when he admired him). Plus he’s a little TOO normal, to the point where it circles back around to making him the odd one out, which is absolutely what masking feels like for me. Even when he tries to be fun and weird he gets strange looks/made fun of for not being weird in the right way. The list of autism symptoms is just a checklist for him at this point."

Ash -

"he just has those vibes ya know?"

Shou -

"His special interest is math. He uses math terms in regular conversations and calls people yoctograms/zeptograms which earned him monikers such as "math man" and "pi-face". Speaking of Pi, he once shouted 155 consecutive digits of it through a megaphone just because he could. He's so normal."

Sunny -

"Sunny has been told that his face is not expressive. He doesn't talk a lot and he often gets lost into his imagination. He is a great listener and recalls a lot of information being told he has a great memory (he is able to remember a whole speech about flower symbolism that his friend told him) He is compared to a cat."

Yuu -

"He’s like if an emo programmer boy was also completely unhinged and also had a tragic backstory."

[pinkusmaximus]

Siebren de Kuiper x Reader Headcanons

Look, I’m not usually the biggest fan of lists, but @akoiromanticstudent made a fantastic list of headcanons for Maestro Sigma and I was just like… let me write down my thoughts when I’m writing about the silly science man.

Look, everybody already headcanons this, but I’ll say it again; Siebren is a massive guy, and stronger than he really understands at times, so he takes the utmost care to be gentle and cautious with you.

Sometimes the caution goes a little too far and you have to end up asking to be squeezed tighter when he hugs you. Let’s be real, you like the big science man, you probably desire the sense of security his size brings you. Having seen the worst of humanity, he doesn’t mind indulging his protective side for you.

Siebren is ridiculously intelligent, but doesn’t try to dumb anything down when talking to you. In fact, he highly encourages you to ask questions any time you don’t understand something, because it just gives him an opportunity to go on an even longer tangent. You don’t mind (because you just like the sound of his voice, don’t you?).

He has few (if any) hobbies because he already does what he loves and has a hard time disconnecting from his work (literally lol sorry), but he would take interest in your hobbies purely out of a desire to learn about something new.

Has an innate appreciation of the arts that surprises some. His love of music is well-documented, but he would enjoy analyzing literature and art as well. It might take somebody who is already into those things to spark his interest since he’s already preoccupied with other pursuits, though.

He’s more likely to feel seen and understood by somebody who is neurodivergent. Look, the guy is strongly coded as autistic. I’m claiming this one for me and the homies.

He will not stop saying things in Dutch just because he speaks English— often just to mess with you. He wants you to figure out what he’s telling you, or what he’s calling you, at a later date in order to witness the delayed reaction. He is surprisingly teasing with you, picking out nicknames and phrases that he knows will cause a fit of blushing madness after you desperately scroll through your Dutch-to-English dictionary, trying to sound out what he’d said to you. Unfortunately for him, this will just make you better and better at guessing what he’s saying as you spend more time together and become more fluent yourself, and you can soon turn it back on him.

He doesn’t really know how to relax. Even if he seems like he is, he’s always a bit on edge. His mind moves a million miles a minute at all times, and it will often fall on you to make sure he’s being intentional with how he spends his downtime.

He has a vast collection of tea varieties. Prefers honey over sugar, as he doesn’t like the aftertaste. He has essentially memorized the best steeping times for every single variety he has, but tends to over-steep due to being somewhat easily distracted. He’d probably appreciate it if you bought him a kitchen timer, but you might have to be the one to listen for it regardless because his thoughts are often too loud for him to notice things like alarms and chimes.

That being said, he gives you a key to his home pretty quickly because he will never hear the doorbell, except perhaps the first time or two he’s expecting your company.

At first you think he’s just an extremely tidy person, because his home is impeccable all the time, but you gradually realize that it’s just because he spends all of his time in two rooms; his bedroom, and his study. There’s a thin layer of dust everywhere else.

Also, this guy has a terrible sense of time. Time is truly just a social construct to Siebren and you are going to be in charge of making sure you get to events you plan to attend together on time. In fact, you wonder how he managed to be as successful as he is with how often he’s late. Then again, he’s the smartest person you’ve ever met, so you suppose exceptions are made for him, which probably just exacerbates the issue.

[lovepersevering13]

Now could you elaborate on Michael's autism

Alright it’s Michael’s turn!

I want to preface this part the same as before: I’m not a psychiatrist, this isn’t how autism is experienced by everyone and let me know if anything is incorrect :) oh also I’m a little bit more educated on how Autism is shown in girls so this one is a bit of a mess.

Ok so for Michael I kinda had to think for a bit about some like concrete evidence because I didn’t have anything annotated for him like Tori but I think I’ve come up with a pretty compelling argument (also I thought I’d let you know that as I was doing this I started to realise Michael may have ADHD but I don’t really go into that too much).

Firstly:

Alice Oseman herself supports this headcanon so…. Anhahahahajaja omg I can’t explain how happy this makes me! Anyway, let’s get into what I found in Solitaire!

1. Masking

- “Do you get angry a lot?” I say.

“I’m always angry,” he says.” Solitaire, Page 213

Ok we know Michael generally is a very upbeat, positive person on the outside but as we get to know him we learn he’s only barely happier than Tori. When I think about this covering up of his anger with overly positive emotions it is clear to that he is masking (Suppressing Autistic traits). Pessimism is a common m trait of Autism and the way I see it, Michael is overcompensating for this by acting super happy all the time to cover it up.

2. Deficit in social understanding

- “Do you remember when he tried to get everyone to do a flash mob for the Year 11 prank?” says Nick. “And in the end he just did it by himself on the lunch tables?” Nick Nelson, Solitaire, Page 39.

This quote when Nick and Charlie are talking about Michael shows and extreme lack of care about social consequences.

- “Michael Holden has swooped into the restaurant.” Solitaire, page 46

Ok so this quote and the entire scene on pages 46/47 where Michael shows up unannounced because he wants to ask Tori something displays extreme impulsivity and impulsivity is a common Autistic trait. He also didn’t care about the lack of social etiquette displayed by crashing a hangout he wasn’t invited to.

- “Michael is helping himself to our leftover starters” Solitaire, Page 48

Again, lack of social awareness because you aren’t really supposed to crash someone else’s dinner and just start eating their food.

- “He races inside and, without bothering to let me leave or shut the door, he lifts the toilet seat and starts to pee.” Solitaire, (I forgot the page)

LACK OF SOCIAL ETTIQUITE. DUDE.

- “He’s the strangest person I’ve ever met.” Solitaire, Page 62

- “I know Nick and I said he’s weird - and he is weird -“ Charlie Spring, Solitaire, Page 177

- “He looks sort of out of place everywhere.” Solitaire, (I lost the page)

People with Autism are often described as being “strange,” “weird,” or “peculiar,” because they are different from their peers which can make them stand out and struggle to fit in.

- “I, er, didn’t get on too well with the people there. Not the teachers, not the students…” Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 148

Because of the fact that people with Autism struggle with social understanding it can be very difficult to make friends and get along with other people.

- “I’ve never been good enough,” he says. “I get so stressed out, I don’t make friends - God, I can’t make friends.” His eyes glaze over. “Sometimes I just wish I were a normal human being. But I can’t. I’m not. No matter how hard I try.” Michael Holden, Solitiare, Page 376

Yeah, this quote hurts my heart. So many people with Autism feel as though they don’t fit in and that they aren’t normal. When you don’t have a diagnosis it can be especially difficult because you don’t know why. You know there’s something different about you, you know other people are doing and feeling things you aren’t and you know you’re doing and feeling things other people aren’t, but you don’t know why. It can be super isolating.

3. Challenging Authority Figures

- “…having that argument with Mr Yates during his mock exams!” Either Nick or Charlie, Solitaire, Page 40

- “I swore at Kent.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 269

It’s very common for people with Autism to challenge authority figures. Generally this is because they often naturally assume equanimity and don’t understand why some people should get more respect then others if they aren’t seemingly deserving of it. This stems from having a heightened sense of justice and empathy.

4. Autism and Sexualtiy

- “I guess you could say I’m not too fussy about gender.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, (I forgot the page)

We know Michael’s canonically Pan and as we’ve previously discussed (read Tori’s part for more info) Autism and the LGBTQ+ community are heavily intertwined. I tried to look into Autism’s correlation to Pansexuality but couldn’t find anything specific.

I also wanted to add in a little fact about how Neurodivergent people tend to gravitate towards eachother and queer people tend to do the same so Michael and Tori makes a lot of sense.

5. Special Interests/HyperFixations

Ok so, Michael gets pretty into Solitiare. Right from the start he’s obsessed. Taking photos of the posts, insisting they go to the meet up. I’d probably say it’s a hyperfixation.

And DISNEY. Holy heck Michael loves Disney… and if you haven’t caught on already, yeah imma say it’s a special interest.

- “He gasps and grabs a third DVD, leaps across the room to the flat-screen and switches it on. “We’re watching beauty and the beast,” he says.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 115

I mean look at how excited he gets over ‘Beauty and the Beast’.

6. School

- “Seriously. I haven’t gotten above a C grade in any subject since Year 8.”

“It seems almost impossible for someone like Michael to be unintelligent. People like Michael - people who get stuff done - they’re always smart. Always.” Solitaire, Page 188

- “When it comes to exams… I generally don’t write what they want me to write. I’m not very good at, well, sorting out all the stuff in my head.“

“I just don’t know what the examiners want to hear. I don’t know whether I just forget things, or maybe I don’t know how I’m supposed to explain it. I just don’t know.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 118

- “Because I hate school!” This is quite loud. He starts to shake his head.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, (I forgot the page)

A lot of people with Autism struggle with school and like Tori points out, it’s not because they’re not smart, Michael is smart. It’s just that the education system isn’t fitted to benefit Neurodivergent children. So many things affect Autism in schools. The dreadful sensory environment, lack of control over what they can and can’t do and the difficult social pressures.

7. Emotional dysregulation

- “He clenches his fist and he snarls. He actually snarls at me.

“Maybe you are a manically depressed psychopath.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 163

Emotional Dysregulation is the inability to control the intensity and expression of emotions. This is common in people with Autism and can result in overly intense emotions and lashing out. I think this is something that heavily impacts both Tori and Michael and results in a lot of their arguments. The aforementioned quote is just one example of how quickly and dramatically their arguments blow up due to this.

- “His face contorts into a kind of scrunched-up snarl, his fists curl, his skin drains of colour, and he storms past the man and tramps over to the benches. He reaches a row of lockers and looks into them, blankly, chest visibly expanding and contracting. With an almost terrifying malice, he throws a crazed punch at the lockers, wailing a subdued howl of rage. Turning, he hurls a kick at a pile of racing helmets, scattering them about the floor. He clutches his hair, as if trying to pull it out.” Solitaire, Page 211

Oh there is just so much to cover here. So this is a prime example of an Autistic meltdown. Autistic meltdowns can be caused by overwhelming emotions (In this situation that is Michael loosing his race) and result in an outburst which can include crying, screaming (“howl of rage”), aggression (punching the lockers and kicking the helmets) and self injurious behaviours (Pulling his hair). It’s probably worth mentioning that a few of the outbursts he has towards teachers that I mentioned earlier are probably also meltdowns.

8. Stimming

- “Michael starts whistling.” Solitaire, page 198

Whistling is a form of stimming, this particular quote is from when they are in Truham looking for Charlie, considering Michael’s disdain for Truham I can imagine it was a slightly stressful environment to be back in which would validly result in a need for stimming. I actually couldn’t find any other examples of stimming except possibly the hair pulling that was mentioned in the last quote.

9. Pattern Recognition

So pattern recognition is the autistic brains increased ability to recognise patterns and in Solitaire Michael is the first person to put together the fact that all of Solitaire’s pranks were related to Tori. I really can’t be bothered to find the quote where they talk about those

10. Safe foods

I think that Tea is probably a safe food for Michael because he is often mentioned to have a mug of Tea in his hands. (But I’m not British so maybe this is like normal? How much tea do British people actually drink?)

1. Miscellaneous Quotes

- Since when did you acquire a body temperature” Solitaire, page 112

I know it’s probably supposed to be related to figure skating but struggling with temperature regulation is very common amongst people with Autism.

- “Most of the time at school I can’t even decide what pen to use.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, page 149

Indecisiveness is very common amoungst people with Autism

Alright that’s a wrap on Michael Holden. I’m thinking of doing a conjoined part for Charlie and Oliver if anyone would be interested in reading that :)

Some of the resources I used:

https://livingautism.com/decision-making-problems-adults-asd/

Thermal Perceptual Thresholds are typical in Autism Spectrum Disorder but ...

https://sparkforautism.org/discover_article/managing-emotions/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7430467/

https://neuroclastic.com/autism-and-responding-to-authority/?amp

[listlessnessss]

do my fellow autohomoerotics experience anything similar?

alloandrophilic life cycle:

1.alloandrophilia predictably hits, target is typically a cis man, sometimes a deeply repressed proto-trans woman (it’s easier when it’s parasocial but unfortunately it’s IRL sometimes—sometimes like a lesbian, i choose an unavailable one). the feeling is good, typically, and i have auto-androphilia for him, too. the kind of man i’m attracted to is usually one i’d want to emulate. also the fantasies are super predictably auto-homoerotic as fuck (the idea is i’d also be a guy)

2.I learn that i’m objectively inferior to him because i am (and sometimes it’s because he’s normie in addition to male) i used to approach, but have given that up in recent years after repeated rejections. i get angry, internally, but don’t let it go anywhere. violent thoughts towards myself and others, inc. target. he would also never accommodate my delusions, my sexuality is estrogenic so i think about the future and realize that obviously anyone who is attracted to me is attracted to women and not to autohomoerotic ftms. my blackpills tell me that even well adjusted bi men wouldn’t.(this is due to my horrible personality, so it’s specific to me) i absolutely cannot approach my latest target, it would be inviable due to other unrelated incompatibilities but i won’t get too into that—doesn’t stop the cycle from proceeding.

3.i have thoughts of suicide every day. i rarely can cry, but then i do. (i’m not on testosterone or anything i’m just repressing) for how long these thoughts last depends on how far it got with my delusions. i’m really good at making the cycle go by quickly—classic comphet, i guess i have this in common w the type 1’s. but when i actually have gotten the opportunity to be one of his orbiters, it lasts longer—i’m usually so inferior to his other orbiters. i feel guilty for implicating him.

4.i retreat into a ground state of asexuality, hyper-romantic fanfic-tropey bihet female sexuality. this is my equilibriated comfort zone. of course, i still repress and carry in me intense cross-sex desires. i realize that i am too highly feminine in my thinking- i catch feelings, i’m emotional as fuck, i’m fembrained as all hell, not built for what i perceive from across the cultural and physiological aisle as the casual, animalistic, cult of physical beauty which everything about my socialization and my nerdy femcel predilections has told me i would never in a million years fit into (and on this point i’m right). I have a horrible body and personality, so i find myself falling back on the tropes of cis womanhood when realistically thinking of enticing targets, where almost zero for (gay ftms? they/them perhaps?) exist. I start recovering from my fixation on my alloandrophilic target, and make a return to woman with a private daydream.

written just now in a moment of self-awareness i think… like genuinely what the fuck is wrong.

is this just suicidal or am i a lesbian all along. do others… like me… experience something similar… is this what it feels like to supposed to have been a man yet have a sex drive dominated by estrogen or is this a secret 3rd worse thing? or AUTISM probably? this should be included in a write-up on autistic girls and how we think. i’m throwing things at the wall in the hopes something sticks wrt my guesses here.

is is just me?

[burningvelvet]

okay more thoughts on pride and prejudice as i begin chapter 39

1 i want to see lady catherine, mrs. bennet, and miss bingley in the same room together on a podcast panel debating things like marriage and childrearing etc but i dont think the world would be able to handle it

2 i’m interpreting mr. darcy as either being neurodivergent (possibly autistic) and/or having severe social anxiety — and this is really informing my entire perspective of his character (as a core theme to his character is being socially understood/misunderstood). however, i know its still very controversial to “diagnose” fictional characters and i don’t want to come off that way — but historical complications aside (the field of psychology didn’t exist back then how it does now) it’s really obvious to see that he’s not neurotypical, although i don’t know if this is an accepted thing in the austen world though!

3 i’m not buying that mr. darcy’s letter was only 2 pages long. 3 pages minimum with tiny handwriting maybe.

4 this entire novel really highlights the importance of social communication more than anything imo

5 mr. collins is fucking hilarious and his interactions with elizabeth are so accurate/relatable of what it’s like to deal with oblivious men as a female, esp. men who dont know how to take a hint — i was actually laughing out loud through his entire proposal sequence, especially at the line where it says elizabeth is trying hard not to laugh too. so familiar.

6 i wish we could see more of charles i actually like him — i also like colonel fitzwilliam and kind of wanted him to marry elizabeth - its kind of hilarious how casual the topic of marriage is with people you’ve just met & i really want to read more about regency history on marriage specifically now to figure out how much is embellished for satire purposes & how much is true to life

7 i have many thoughts on wickham but thats for a separate post

8 from what little i’ve read about p&p analysis/consensus so far, it seems mrs bennet and some other characters have already been torn to shreds over lit history to the point that its become more common to defend them & mrs bennet in particular, which i understand bc she’s supposed to be a satire on women of the time period but of course her concerns are valid and there are real economic reasons for her actions and societal norms that pertain to them. i’ve also read that it’s common for people to prefer mr bennet over his wife and to pit them against each other which can lead into misogyny & i can see this. however (im sure the bennet family ends up happy at the end, but at this point in the story) i think there are valid reasons for these interpretations which lead people to like mr bennet more than mrs bennet. after the ordeal with collins i really lost respect for mrs bennet for threatening to disown eliza & treating her so harshly, and i gained respect for mr bennet for sticking by eliza. i continuously defended mrs bennet and her behavior up until the collins proposal. i understand she’s desperate for eliza to marry so that she doesn’t become destitute etc. but mr collins simply isnt an ideal husband

9 eliza’s feelings on her friend marrying collins are so sad and relatable of how all of us feel when we watch a friend or loved one enter a shitty relationship and/or betray themselves or lose a part of their personality + the idea of having to mourn your friend especially upon growing up etc. but particularly as it relates to the lonely woman’s experience of finding one’s friends starting to center males & prioritize romance over friendship the older you get.

hope some of this is semi-intelligible - i save the grammar for my real essays - but felt like rambling

i think in my last post i was spelling “bennet” as “bennett” so i apologize for that lol - pls dont kill me janeites, i’m new here!!!

[dilutedapplejuice]

Tw: descriptions of (fictional) abuse, neglect, and complex trauma

I’m rewatching soul eater (finally) and I’m at crona, the traumatized non-binary icon!!! And WOW are they autistic. So I’m making a list about it!

All my examples will be transcriptions (from episode 8) bc Hulu won’t let me screenshot it lol

*spoilers for Crona’s entire character arc*

1) Responding to abuse using very obvious logic

*Ragnarok starts hitting Crona and pulling on their skin*

Crona: That hurts me. It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! Stop moving around like that you’re squeezing me! Don’t poke me! Ow! Stop already. Don’t push my nose! You’re bruising me. Stop it now! I’ve had enough already!

Ragnarok: Now, now, calm down Crona. You’re so scary when you’re stressed out like this.

Ragnarok: If you don’t get it in gear we’re going back to the sleep deprivation again.

Crona: No! Don’t start waking me up every hour again! I don’t like it. The dark circles under my eyes will come back and I don’t know how to deal with the dark circles!

Ragnarok: If you let him hit you with that technique again, I’m gonna stick thumb tacks in your shoes. Got it?

Crona: No! Thumbtacks in my shoes would stick into my feet whenever I tried to walk. It would hurt. I don’t think I could deal with that, really.

*Crona gets hit so hard that cartoony stars and planets start circling their head*

Crona: There are stars and planets floating around me. I don’t think I can handle astronomy right now.

This is a bit hard to explain. Crona is describing things that are somewhat obvious to intuit (of course walking in shoes with thumb tacks on the bottom would hurt). Maybe this is a coping mechanism, to help them feel more grounded and in control. Maybe doing this repetitively is soothing, or compulsive (notice how it’s all the same format? “I don’t know how to deal with this!”).

Maybe they are trying to get Ragnarok to see their perspective so that they stop hurting them. But in that case, it seems somewhat clear that these pleads are not working. It’s almost certain that Crona has been doing this type of appeal consistently, even before they are seen in episode 7. Yet we see at least 3 incidents within 30 minutes of the show where Ragnarok not only chooses to bully Crona, but ignores anything they say (or paints them as overreacting). A different person might use their social cognition skills to intuit that Ragnarok will not listen to any kind of emotional appeal and make some other kind of attempt. Crona doesn’t seem to understand this however. They just keep hitting the same wall.

So not only does Crona not have a natural way of understanding social subtext, but they never had the chance to develop it because they were isolated and abused since childhood! It’s a double whammy.

2) Having specific rules with interacting with other things

Medusa: Crona, why are you taking it so easy? Do something.

Crona: It’s not like the ones before. Those were boys. She’s a girl. I’m no good with girls. What am I supposed to do with her?

Medusa: *laughs* How silly… Kill her of course.

Ragnarok: Wouls you hurry up and attack already you idiot?!

*Crona begins attacking*

Crona: But I’ve never seen a man with a screw sticking out of his head before! I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with a guy like that.

Ragnarok: You eat him! Swallow his soul!

They are struggling with knowing how to interact with new things- a girl, a man with a screw in his head. Considering how extreme their isolation was, it’s likely that they are nervous and uncertain in the way an abled person might feel around a visibly disabled person, or a white person might feel around someone who is BIPOC. They don’t know what’s appropriate. But with how they’ve been encouraged to kill everyone they interact with, I would say this ain’t a typical response. Many people in their situation would follow the pattern and think “I’ve been told to kill x, x, and x. There’s another person who’s not my master or weapon. I should kill them too.” That’s not too much of a stretch, I’d say.

But the fact that they have a specific rule set to follow and struggle to apply it to new things strikes me as uniquely autistic thought process.

3) Struggling to understand other perspectives

*Maka hits Crona because they run up and attack*

Crona: You’re going to start poking at me also?

Maka: You should know that the hunting of human souls is strictly forbidden!

Crona: She [Medusa] said that it was okay to eat the human souls. I don’t see what’s wrong with it if she said that it was okay.

They just… kind of assume other people already fit into the context of their own world. Crona thinks that they are following the rules perfectly and is confused when other people challenge those rules. If Maka defends herself and hits Crona, she is the strange one because wasn’t Crona doing exactly what Medusa wanted? Why is Maka poking at them too? And why is Maka saying that Medusa is wrong? Medusa said it was okay, so it must be okay!

This is all clearly because Crona was brainwashed. Medusa seems like the only source of truth in Crona’s world because that was how they were raised. That’s literally the only thing they know. They just haven’t grown those skills of empathy to understand how other people might think. This just seems like such a specifically autistic way to be traumatized because of their adherence to the given rules/authority.

4) The way they talk

They just have that autistic accent. Idk if they’ve hit puberty yet, but they sound like a little kid. Slightly whiny, breathy. And that’s trademark autistic.

5) Eye contact

They are almost never looking at people’s faces. This could be trauma, this could be autism. Likely both.

6) Gender

This is kind of a “duh” point, but autistic people are more likely to be trans or gnc, either because they don’t understand intangible concepts or social concepts, struggle to present in a way that conforms with their AGAB, or don’t feel as obligated to follow arbitrary rules just to fit in. Regardless of if Crona is canonically a “boy” or not, they clearly don’t conform- our first intro to then was when they were mistaken for a girl and verbally assaulted. It’s likely a mix of their pink androgynous hair, childish voice, and clothes that makes them seem like this. They also don’t seem too bothered by different pronouns, if they even notice a difference at all.

7) Daydreaming

In the end, we learn that Crona constantly escapes into their own mind where they are on a tiny desert/beach planet, where they are happy and have an imaginary friend (if I remember correctly- I haven’t made it to this part in the show yet). This is also a very autistic trauma response. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had some kind of dissociative disorder like DID or OSDD and their friend just never fronted. And the specific fantasy of having someone who understands and loves you, in a small, controlled environment where you can do repetitive things for however long you want to…. It’s autism baby.

And… that’s a wrap! Thanks for reading!

And yes. This is a silly Tumblr post by an autistic person who doesn’t have any major trauma. I have no hope of understanding the complexities of childhood abuse and brainwashing. There’s no way for me to actually discern whether a fictional character is suffering from being programmed as a living weapon, or if they’re autistic (I mean, many things listed could be a result of Crona completely losing their free thinking ability and being dependent of their master to do all the thinking. Of course, and that’s exactly how Medusa intended it. Trauma does imitate autism in some manners. I just like to make lists). I just like to think that Crona’s psychology is a result of both.

Anyway. Drink some water!

[artpoint420]

Alright, so if you’re a fan of the Animaniacs here on Tumblr, you probably understand that all three of the Warner’s are most likely neurodivergent, and Dr. Scratchansniff trying to “cure” them of their “zanyness” is an example of abelism (as well as the rest of the humans who want to lock them up.)

BUT WHAT IF I TOLD YOU

I think Dr. Scratchansniff himself may be autistic, and here’s why:

First of all, he is a psychiatrist who has been with the Warner’s for sometime and doesn’t seem to realize the Warner’s are neurodivergent (most likely ADHD and autism in all three of them.)

He gets overwhelmed by the Warners when they throw off his plans and his schedule.

Those on the autism spectrum tend to prefer following a set schedule and doing this according to a plan. When this plan is interrupted we get upset. For Scratchy this may be when the Warners are being to hyperactive and hyperimaginative for them to even want to answer his questions. I get that the joke is supposed to be that he’s a psychiatrist driven insane by the Warners but for me the best way to describe feeling overstimulated is “being driven insane by everything around me”

He also tends to get overstimulated, particularly in “I’M MAD!” when the Warners are bickering in the car while he’s trying to drive. Of course most people struggle to drive with tons of background noise. This just sticks out to me, even though it isn’t the first time.

Also, special interests. Scratchy definitely has special interests that he seems to get lost in. Psychiatry is a special interest of his, obviously. Once he starts having appointments with the Warners everyday, we get to see that the Warners are consistently on his mind (just like how they are always on my mind because special interest yes). Part of this may be because he gradually took on a more parental role towards them, but this could also be because he began to develop a special interest in caring for them. Perhaps his own neurodivergence is the reason he was able to eventually sympathize and care for the Warners.

If you read the Animanicas comics, there is an issue, were we see Scratchy reading a comic in his spare time. This is particularly interesting because not only are those on the spectrum more prone to develop and interest in comics, but when he begins to talk about comics to the Warner’s he knows the entire history of comics down to a tee. He begins to infodump onto the Warners and doesn’t realize when they are annoyed or bored because for some reason they find the history of comics boring. Scratch that, HE BECOMES SO ABSORBED IN IT, HE DOESN’T REALIZE WHEN THE WARNERS LEAVE.

Wrestling is probably a special interest of his too, as well as psychology of course.

Also, like I mentioned earlier, he obvious struggles with anxiety, a mental disorder those on the autism spectrum are more likely to develop due to social and communciation issues and the after effects of overstimulation. This can be observed in his body language and how he reacts to Plotz as well, causing him to become a pushover to his boss.

He also age regresses when he is overly stressed out and even has a comfort object (something that I’ve personally observed in others on the autism spectrum and have experienced myself to a certain degree, I’m still not sure if it’s always autism related though)

In the reboot it’s revealed he waited 20 years just to prank the Warners. The prank seems to have become a special interest and they should have done more with Reboot Scratchy.

Going back and watching episodes with Scratchy with this in mind, his behaviors and general attitude towards the Warners makes a TON of sense. He’s annoyed by them but ultimately wants to get along with them.

To me it makes Dad! Scatchansniff even more wholesome. It’ll never happen but one day I’d love to see an episode where he just accepts the Warners for who they are and perhaps, in the process, accepting himself a little more.

[irafuwas]

Malleus or Rook for the ask meme, your pick! :>

For this character ask meme!

I’ll do Mallepon for this one!

one aspect about them i love

Honestly, I love that he’s so silly 😭 He’s this big, scary guy - one of the most powerful mages in the world, and yet he loves his Tamagotchi, and he pouts when he’s upset, and he’s so cute and happy when he infodumps about dragons and gargoyles, and he’ll gladly eat ice cream three meals a day. I just love my son so much 😭

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

Ahh, prior to Ch 5 dropping, I’d seen a few posts going around twitter and whatnot that wondered if Mal maybe doesn’t like Silver all that much (like, that maybe he was really jealous of Silver because of how Lilia treats them differently, and he doesn’t like him that much in general). And while I do agree there’s likely a very deeply underlying sense of jealousy in his heart, I never doubted that Malleus loves Silver fiercely. I was very glad that that became much clearer with Ch 5, and I’m seeing a lot more people now realizing just how much Mal loves Silver. So the one aspect I wished more people would understand about him has kind of been resolved now lol.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

Autistic king (literally).

2. Judging by how he talks to Gao Gao and how he talked to the gargoyle in GloMas, I like to think he normally just talks to inanimate objects and animals like they’re people. I’m also a firm believer in the HC that he would just talk to baby Silver as though he were a whole adult, and he’d have one-sided convos with him while he played chess with the baby and read really advanced books to him fkjdfhg

3. He doesn’t like having his tail out in his two-legged form at NRC ‘cause he found it scares humans too much. But he leaves it out when he’s in BV since the people there are used to seeing it. He probably mostly wears robes and flowy garments back home since it’d be easier to walk around in with his tail out.

one character i love seeing them interact with

I adore all his interactions with the first years! He’s so cute with them and you can tell he does enjoy talking to them, it’s just that people are usually so afraid of him he doesn’t often get the chance to do so. He was so cute with Epeppy in GloMas, with Ace in his bloom bday vignette, and with Deuce on various occasions. My very favorite is whenever he interacts with Ortho! They’re super cute together in Mal’s Scary Dress vignette, and they mention each other in Ortho’s Union B-day vignette and in Mal’s Bloom broom b-day voice lines. (In the former, Ortho picks Mal to bring to a deserted island so that mal can protect him from lightning, and in the latter mal says ortho gave him some goggles that can “transport him to other worlds” but he wonders if little shroud tricked him ‘cause he doesn’t see anything when he puts them on (so ortho bought him like vr glasses but mal probably didn’t turn them on 😭😭)).

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

I’m the number one supporter of Malletouille (platonic malleus draconia x remy ratatouille)!! I know they would be friends, I just know it!!

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

I imagine when Silver was teeny tiny, he obviously wouldn’t have understood the concept of social stratification, so he probably just looked to Malleus as his older brother or an uncle type of figure. And Mal loved that, because there are so few people in his life who just love him for him and who don’t treat him differently due to his great power and his position as crown prince. And so it hurt him deeply when Silver got older and started distancing himself from Mal once Silver realized that he was supposed to be subservient to Mal. But Mal never talks about it though, he just keeps his sadness to himself.

[justanothersnakeblog]

Snake has Autism

Snake has ASD. I’ll define it first and give you symptoms with a couple of examples if available. Then I’ll give a conclusion statement. Please note that this is just a headcanon. There's no confirmation, and I believe some of his behavior/actions are shown and explained in the story. While I’m not an expert, this is written by a recently self diagnosed autistic person, and he’s my favorite character, so I’m projecting.

What is Autism?

"A serious developmental disorder that impairs the ability to communicate and interact."

Symptoms:

*Blunt/Straight-forwardness

*Flat tone effect

*Avoids social interactions/prefers alone time

*Uses another means of communication

*Doesn’t pick up on hints

*Anxiety

Blunt/Straightforwardness:

Snake will say whatever he wants even if he uses his snakes to do so. Autistic people can be honest to a fault and may not recognize the consequences of what they are saying. He could've possibly put the mission or them in jeopardy if Wordsworth didn't stop him. He's probably one of the most honest people in the series!

Flat tone effect:

Snake is soft-spoken and has no emotions/tone in his voice unless he's using one of his character voices.

Avoids social interactions/prefers alone time:

We don't really see him interact with the circus or Phantomhive family outside of doing his duties, flashbacks, and a shopping trip. I wish we got more of that. :( From what we're shown, he stays in his tent or is sitting by himself. He also doesn't really go out of his way to interact with anyone unless he has to.

Doesn't pick up on hints:

He seems unconcerned about what is happening unless it's right in his face. Snake will also say or do things without thinking about consequences such as his snakes being loose or the lemon tart/cake thing.

In chapter 144, Snake thinks collecting wages meant Bard was worried about getting his paycheck and yelled at him for it.

Anxiety:

In chapter 51, he's the shy guy hitting behind a wall and trembling when introducing himself, showing he is anxious. I think he's a non confrontational person as he doesn't confront Smile nor Black, and he doesn't inform Joker about the incident until later.

Being called freak, made fun of, or seen as exotic:

"Wait a minute! That's because of his physical features and because he was exploited as a freakshow!" Shh. How many autistic people have experienced this or know autistic people who have? Too many I tell you.

Another means of communication/interaction:

This is a very important one! Autism is a spectrum, and difficulty communicating/interactions is in the definition. Snake has a unique way of speaking that I don't see anyone else using! Each snake has its own unique voice/personality, which helps him voice his own thoughts and feelings. He's definitely opens up after joining the Phantomhive family but still uses his snakes to interact/communicate until his life is cut short.

Conclusion:

Whether you see him as autistic or not, Snake’s story screams queer coded neurodivergent and/or disabled man. He’s an outcast who looks different and is treated differently because of his scales and his snakes. The man was even called a freak a couple of times, was part of a sideshow against his will, and was part of the circus as a snakeman. All Snake ever wanted was a family who would accept them and love them for who they were.

What did he get? Deception, betrayal, secrets, lies, and a tragic fate that awaited him at the hand of a friend and found family member. Let's be honest here: The Phantomhive family was the better option, but if he was no use to Ciel, then he'd just have Sebastian kill him.

I suppose it is lonely being on your own.

[lumiesian]

" the ink pot "

pairing: shikadai nara x  inojin yamanaka

warnings: autistic!inojin, mentions of struggles with autistic traits (e.g. social isolation, difficulty communicating and making friends, bullying, sensory overload), non-harmful stimming, poorly translated Arabic lol

word count: 2.1k

synopsis: inojin felt like a pot of spilt ink. (can be read as either mutual crushing or an established relationship!)

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45974221

Inojin felt like a pot of spilt ink. Messy, dark, staining everything it touches, waiting in a puddle untouched because everyone knows that cleaning it up will only make more of a mess than the spill already caused. ‘Let’s just wait for it to dry on its own!’ people would say, ‘I’m sure someone else will wipe it up later!’ they’d think, or ‘If I touch it’ll stain my hands!’, and they’d be right. Inojin knew this.

It was always inevitable that the ink would spill, the painter was a mess after all, always trying to create bigger and better but never upgrading his tools. Inojin had been trying his best with what he already had, but with constant reminders that his best would never be good enough, he had to aspire to be better.

It started with his voice, it wasn’t good enough. So he tried better, he enunciated his words clearer, he altered his tone to be more high pitched, he’d speak faster when others did, or he remembered to be quiet when the room was small. Eventually, he got the hang of it, every conversation feeling like a game of Karaoke- make sure to hit the notes, don't forget the words, remember to take the breath here, but not there. 

But it wasn’t enough, what about his face? It was all wrong and broken. He didn’t smile when he was supposed to, his eyebrows didn't move enough, and his eyes were creepy and unnatural. ‘Smile, Inojin!’ he heard it often enough, but once he got the hang of it… ‘Stop smiling all the time, it’s creepy!’, so he reeled it back in. It was strange, his eye contact was too intense, but then it was too avoidant, his eyebrows were too stiff, but then they were too animated, everything his face did was always wrong.

His Mother wasn’t any help; ‘Just be yourself baby!’, was easier said than done when no one liked ‘himself’. Inojin was blunt and to the point, he got excited over Art, Fashion, Flowers, and Video Games, but couldn't share a conversation with others- always needing to talk about his interest, confused when others didn’t share them. Inojin was a problem, rebranded over and over again; He talks too much in class, he doesn't share enough in class, he doesn't play well with others, he spends too much time playing alone, he’s too blunt, he’s too vague, he’s too loud, he’s too quiet, he moves around too much, he won’t pay attention- Inojin was exhausted.

And his exhaustion turned to anger, and his anger turned to sadness, and his sadness turned to nothing. His parents didn’t know how to help him as he fell into a simple routine of ‘eat, sleep, repeat’ rejecting his father's offers to go outside and paint together, and ignoring his mother's requests to go shopping together- activities he used to love more than anything. He used to be such a happy kid. Back when it was just him and his parents, there were no expectations for how he should or shouldn't look, there was no wrong and right tone, and it didn’t matter if he swung his feet during mealtimes, or twirled his hair during conversations, or shook his hands watching TV- everything was good back then. His Dad assured him nothing he was doing was ever wrong, and his Mama encouraged him to just be himself- back when being himself didn’t make everyone hate him.

“What should we do?” Inojin heard his Mother, Ino, whisper from the kitchen, it’d been 3 weeks of Inojin refusing to attend the Academy or see his friends, and he knew it upset his parents. Still, he didn’t particularly know what to do about that.

“I asked Sakura but she said there’s nothing they can do for him if it’s psychological…” Sai, Inojin’s father, concurred. He stopped listening after that, pulling his knees up to his chest and gently tapping on his earlobes rhythmically to distract himself from it all. His phone buzzed on his bedside table and he checked it reluctantly.

Shikadai: Hey what was that old designer you told me about, from Sunagakure? With that Purple line?

Inojin let out a sigh and contemplated leaving his best friend on read, before replying anyway;

Inojin: I know what you're doing. You don’t need to pretend to be interested.

The blond pulled his quilt cover-up over his body and tried to ignore the semi-frequent buzzes of his phone next to him. He didn’t need to know that that’s what Shikadai was doing, the past had taught him well enough; when girls at the Academy asked him about a flower he liked and then giggled and side-eyed one another when he’d give them answers. When boys said they liked his new sneakers he took the opportunity to explain why he picked them- the looks they gave him… It hurt.

‘Go away,’ he thought, ‘Just go away… Stop pretending…’ Inojin grabbed fistfuls of his hair and tried to ignore the ever-increasing noise; Bz…Bzz… Bzzzz… BZZZZZ… BUZZ!!

“Ugh!” Whined the boy, picking up his phone and throwing it across his room. It was followed by something shattering, as Inojin sat up quickly to glance at his desk. The black ink pot had broken and leaked all over his desk. He sucked in a sharp breath and bit down on his bottom lip as he slowly got up and walked towards it. The ink had splattered out onto everything; it had soaked into the wood of the desk, desecrated artworks he'd worked on with his father, stained fabric scraps his mother was helping him sew together, wrecked the band of his hitai-ate and splattered over photo frames of him and his loved ones.

It wasn’t a big deal, really, he could get a new desk, he could make new artworks with his Dad, start new projects with his Mama, could get a new forehead protector, could wipe down the photo frames, it could all be fixed easily enough. But it didn’t feel like it, it felt like the final straw in a never-ending series of failures and disappointments. His knees gave way under him as his eyes began to feel heavy. Thick tears streamed down his cheeks as he hugged his knees to his chest and buried his face into them.

The noise was too loud, telling him he wasn’t good enough, that he never would be. The pot would stay broken and the ink would stay spilt, and anyone who tried to fix it would just make a mess. It felt like forever had passed on the cold hard floor, and the sky had turned from mid-afternoon to early dusk, tears just as hot and heavy as they were when they first began to fall.

A soft knock fell on his door, followed by a gentle voice, “Inojin? Can I come in?” It was Shikadai, there was no mistaking the familiar voice. Inojin had half a mind to turn him away, yell ‘Go away!’, or ‘I don’t want to talk!’, but no words came out and he continued his silent grieving, “I’m coming in…” Shikadai whispered before slowly opening the door, being sure to shut it behind him before turning to look around.

It was getting dark, the lilac sky outside giving the room a soft glow, illuminating Inojin’s pale face and watery eyes. Shikadai had a large duffle bag in one hand and gently placed it down on the floor before approaching Inojin, crouching down beside him, “Inojin? It’s okay…”

“No, it’s not!” Inojin sobbed out, “Go away! You don’t need to pretend to be my friend anymore! I know you're only here ‘cause our parents are friends!” The blond choked out, causing Shikdai to furrow his brows and sit down on the floor beside his friend, slowly stretching out a hand to rest on Inojin’s shoulder. “I talk too much about stupid things, my face is all messed up and nobody likes me! I can’t be good enough!”

“Hey… that’s not true…” Shikadai whispered, bringing his other hand around to hold Inojin’s. “I’m here because I’m your best friend and I love and care about you, and so does Chocho, she loves and cares about you so much, we’re both really worried…” Shikadai comforted, “I love listening to you talk about things, and I think your face is the nicest in the world… I’m sorry you’ve felt so awful…”

“It’s not your fault I ruin everything…” Inojin whispered, squeezing onto Shikadais hand and using his free hand to push his hair behind his ear- it’d begun to stick to his face from all the wet tears, “I can’t be what you guys need, I can’t be a good friend, I can't be normal… I spilt ink everywhere Shikadai- and if we try and clean it up it’ll just get on you too…”

“Yeah?” Shikadai glanced at Inojin’s desk before shooting the blond a lopsided smile and pulling his hand away to wipe the tears off of Inojin’s face, Shikadai knew this wasn’t about the ink, “Well… it might be a drag, but I think it’s easy enough to clean up if you ask for help… It’s just ink…” Shikadai’s thumb lingered on the skin below Inojin’s eye, admiring the boy's smooth skin and feeling his heart break at the purple eye bags that tugged on his red and teary eyes.

Inojin’s bottom lip began to tremble and the blond was sobbing again- his whole body wracked with shakes as his nose began to run, before Shikadai even had time to react Inojin had thrown himself into Shikadai’s arms. Letting out a heavy sigh Shikadai wrapped his arms around Inojin and began gently petting his blond hair; “Rajul jamil…” Shikadai softly whispered as Inojin’s sobs began to quiet down, “Ana mahzuz jidana bik…” 

Inojin loved it when Shikadai spoke Sunan, he spoke it with an air of elegance and maturity that made Inojin’s cheeks heat in an unfamiliar way, and his chest flutter with something akin to butterflies- it made Inojin want to jump up and down and dance. Inojin allowed himself to be held for a few moments longer before finally breaking the silence, “What’s in the bag?” he asked as he slowly sat up, looking into Shikadai's kind eyes and gently tapping his kneecaps with his fingers, an action that didn't go unnoticed by the green-eyed genius. Shikadai had the action memorised, the way Inojin’s pointer finger had to make contact and lift before his middle finger could, then his ring finger, and finally his little finger- a structured pattern repeating on a loop.

“I love when you do that…” Shikadai mused, he thought it was cute, “Well I was telling Ma about that designer you liked, I figured she might know them since she would've been in her teens when they were popular and she was still living in Suna back then… and not only did she know them, apparently she loved ‘em…” Shikadai smiled gently and reached over, sliding the bag across the floor between the two boys and unzipping it, “None of these fit her anymore, and she’s not planning on having any more kids… We both thought maybe you’d like these?”

Inojin sniffled loudly, and wiped his eyes on his sleeve before finally allowing his face to relax into what felt like content happiness, “Did you know the designer had a whole line inspired by Kazekage Gaara? She incorporated textures into the line, which skyrocketed Sunagakure’s popularity around the Land of Wind!”

“Yeah? Isn’t that so cool!” Shikadai agreed, wiping another stray tear from Inojin’s face, “Did you know that my Mother commissioned the designer for a Kimono once? This was after she’d had me though, it still fits her but I’m sure she’d show it to you sometime!” 

Inojin’s face lit up even brighter as his hands shot up in fists beside his face, seemingly shaking with pure joy, “Really?”

“Mmhm, it incorporated black Higanbana into the design, to represent the Nara Clan too…” Shikadai grinned at the cute way Inojin’s arms moved, the plan to cheer up his favourite blond had been a success, “Oh! Speaking of flowers… What did you say your favourite was?”

“Oh! Easily the Calla Lily! They kinda look like little ink pots!” Inojin gushed, reaching up onto his desk to grab the vase of fresh Calla Lillies that had somehow managed to avoid any splatters of ink. They were the same colour purple as Inojin’s shirt, and they smelt of cleanliness and elegance, “Mama got some ink pots custom-made for Dad one Anniversary, they’re shaped like them!”

“Oh really? That’s awesome… What time of year do they bloom?” Shikadai inquired, and Inojin knew what Shikadai was doing, but he funnily didn’t seem to mind anymore. Maybe Shikadai was right, other people are a ‘drag’, maybe it is just ink. Maybe it’s easier to clean up with the help of others, and maybe it didn’t matter if everyone liked him; Shikadai did, and right now, it felt like that could be enough.

Translation Notes: "Beautiful man..." "I am so shaken by your existence/lucky to have you…"

[rosettastarlight]

Since I’m finally feeling better, and I figured I should get this all out now before the life gets sucked out of me by the joy that is customer service during the Holidays, bleh, but this is basically headcanons I’ve got for the au where Jim Hopper and Vance Hopper are father and son. Obviously, this is full au since I’ve already discussed canon compliant because the timelines match up a lot better than you think for a tragic backstory, but anyway! Full au entails the Black Phone taking place around 1983 or 1984 which would make Vance only about a year or two above El (I can never see him past 14 whenever I post about him, so he’s 14 when he moves to Hawkins and 13 when he was kidnapped), where Vance ends up moving to Hawkins after his dad insists on seeing him more because both the Grabber and Disappearance of Will Byers would, um, definitely be incidents that made Hopper realize life’s too short. 

I feel like I should also mention I personally headcanon Vance as autistic, and I might give him traits I myself have. Also, that in this au, Vance would have been born in 1969-70 instead of 1964 to fit, and that the “Refrigerator mom theory” was only just starting to be discredited in the 60s and 70s, which was a theory people believed meant autism and neurodivergent symptoms in general were the parents’ fault because they didn’t give their child the correct amount of love and attention they should have during their developmental years. With that aside, I kinda tend to ramble, so if this is long, I’m sorry.

It’s mostly about some I have about Vance in general and the Hopper family before Sarah died, so on we go!

Hopper was still very much nervous about having kids due to the stories he heard from old friends who were exposed to Agent Orange with him, about their kids being born wrong or not at all, so he'd never been more relieved or happy when Vance was born perfectly fine if a little early. He figured he maybe got lucky, and wasn’t quite as anxious or felt as guilty about withholding the risks from Diane when she told him she was pregnant again nearly a year later.

Of course, when Sarah got sick with cancer, Jim realized he wasn’t the one that was lucky, Vance was, and he does wonder to himself sometimes through the years if maybe the reason Vance is so “different” is because the chemicals were passed down to him through Jim, too, just in a different way.

The camera shot of Hopper crying in the hospital stairwell is through the perspective of nine-year-old Vance who realized in that moment his sister was never getting better because his father never cries.

Vance is very touch averse unless you're close to him like friends, his parents or Sarah, and even then a warning is best, from behind is not advised without letting him know its you (after escaping the Grabber, coming up and touches from behind was completely off limits for a long while, it sent him into full fight or flight mode and you know exactly which one he's gonna pick), and sometimes touch can still get too much and he will make it known. He reacts really badly otherwise, if you are not close and you touch him, you get a warning on good days by just pushing you away and on bad days, expect him to swing at you.

Vance is not good at reading social cues or how he's supposed to react in certain situations, which results in his rude and standoffish behavior.

When he likes something, he gets very cautious with anything different, someone once posted that getting Vance to try something new is like getting a feral cat into a bath, and that's all I can see.

When getting instructions, Vance needs them super specific, he'll ask questions and such of what exactly he's doing or grabbing, it drives Jim up the wall and he tries to stay patient when Vance is practically interrogating him or when he's not specific enough which ends with Vance bringing back or doing the wrong thing he was supposed to.

This is both because Hopper knows his son just wants to be sure and do a good job and because he knows if he loses his temper and snaps at him, Vance will bring or do the wrong thing on purpose out of pure pettiness and spite.

Jim and Vance's similarities both divide them and bring them together. When Vance was a kid, it helped bond them because while Jim didn't entirely understand what Vance had, he did understand Vance got angry easily the same way he did when he was younger (although for different reasons, Jim because his dad was a fairly abusive douchebag, and Vance because he is easily overstimulated and had a lot of meltdowns.), and tried ways that helped his anger issues to help Vance that actually worked somewhat.

Big Hopper taught little Hopper how to fight. He thought it might help Vance to get the anger out since sometimes, to him, you just need to hit something, and would often encourage him to playfight or practice his punches when he could see Vance start to get overwhelmed at home.

Diane fought with him about it because she didn't like him encouraging violence to solve problems.

Hopper would also playing loud music on the car radio that he knew Vance liked to calm him down by being able to listen to just one, constant sound while he quietly coached him through breathing techniques.

Overall, neither he nor Diane really understood how to deal with Vance, they did try their best with varying results, but every now and then Vance tries to let them know the effort’s still appreciated.

Jim honestly doesn't mind Vance's aversion and just chooses to appreciate that he must be doing something right that Vance feels safe enough around him to consider his touch familiar and calming.

When they were still married, Diane mostly handled Vance since he needed to be handled somewhat delicately because of his aversions and hypersensitivity but at the same time needed to be taught his behavior wasn’t okay when the teacher called home for the tenth time that week on Wednesday. Meanwhile, because of Jim’s hesitance to be too strict or get angry with either of his kids, he let Sarah get away with a lot.

Daddy’s girl Sarah and Mama’s boy Vance.

I’m taking more my experiences with my brother as kids for this one since we don’t know a lot about Sarah.

Sarah and Vance were pretty close, actually, despite their differences, though Vance had to be reminded a few times to be gentle with his sister. Sometimes, the cute aggression would take hold, and he’d tackle her, poke, or pinch her playfully, and once or twice just pick her up to show he could and carry her around the house like a big teddy bear.

They would chase each other a lot and bring back home sticks, rocks, and whatever poor unfortunate worm they found on the sidewalk or grass outside.

They both loved animals and the zoo, and while never successful, would hide from their parents whenever they lured home a stray animal from mice to dogs.

Even as a kid, Vance would probably try to catch baby alligators if you let him, and “No, honey, you cannot pet the giant snake, just because it’s friend-shaped does not mean it’s a friend.”

Like most siblings, they did get into fights that would turn into brawls, but despite what Jim would ever believe, 8 times out of 10, Sarah did start it and she was a biter.

This is getting really long, so I’m just gonna make this part 1 of 2 and get back to this later.

[queersolarfandompage]

I looked into the good doctor tag and saw people hating on it. So I looked up why people might hate this show. The first reason I see if because of how they portray autism in the show. The article I was reading says the show reincforces false stereotypes about autism such as autistic people can't form meaningful relationships, understand boundaries or treat others respectfully. Which no? The show doesn’t reinforce those facts. I mean at the start it kind of does, but take an autistic person who was forced to run away from his home or deal with an aggressive father, lived in a bus with his brother until he watched his brother die, then get shuffled around in different foster homes. Across all of that, it’s understandable why Shaun might have issues with how he interacts with people. First off: Autistic people can’t form meaningful relationships.

I’m only in season two but let’s break down the relationships we currently have involving Shaun.

Steve: Shaun’s brother who passed away, someone Shaun holds a lot of attachment to, keeping the scalpel toy Steve gave Shaun as a comfort item. Reminiscing on Steve’s life and the things he told Shaun. Clearly a meaningful relationship developed before the show started.

Dr. Glassman: Shaun’s mentor/friend. Shaun listens to Dr. Glassman throughout season 1 because he trusts what Dr. Glassman says. He only stops listening when Dr. Glassman refuses to abide by Shaun’s boundaries (him not wanting a therapist). Shaun shows that he cares about Dr. Glassman when it comes to his health. Shaun became obsessive over Dr. Glassman health because he cares about his friend. I’d call that a meaningful relationship.

Leah: Neighbor turned bestie. She treats Shaun like any other person. They fought and were both hurt by it, but they moved past their disagreement. Shaun cares about Leah enough to be hurt by her leaving, and Leah cares enough about Shaun to live with him. (And I found some spoilers that they might be end game…)

Surgical Team: Each member of the surgical team has a different relationship with Shaun. Yet they each encourage Shaun when he faces difficulties and believe in his abilities as a surgeon.

So two seasons in and I already find these relationships meaningful, and I’m certain some will only become more meaningful with time.

Second: Autistic people can’t understand boundaries

As an autistic person, this is something I greatly struggle with but that’s besides the point. Shaun does struggle with understanding boundaries. Shaun is very fixated on the proper procedure for things. So when Dr. Glassman got sick, he was desperate to have Dr. Glassman recover, that Shaun focused on the procedure for his recovery over the will of Dr. Glassman.

Or when Leah said she didn’t want them living together. She explained to Shaun that them living together presented the image that they might end up dating and she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to make Shaun uncomfortable with her dating other people while they lived together. Shaun continued with purchasing the apartment anyways, because he didn’t believe that the issues Leah mentioned would occur. He was fine staying as friends and living with Leah made him happy. Yes they disagreed on the living arrangements at first, and Shaun definitely crossed some boundaries, but they later talked through the problem and reached an understanding.

Shaun’s bad at understanding his emotions social ques and communicating. Again two things I’m very bad at. How is he supposed to understand why Leah might not want to live with him, or why Dr. Glassman doesn’t want to think about his cancer, unless he’s told. Leah doesn’t want to ruin their friendship, she told Shaun that and he dropped the idea of them living together. Dr. Glassman is scared about dying and tired to only thinking about that. He told Shaun this, and Shaun tell Dr. Glassman that he’s scared Dr. Glassman will die. He doesn’t want to lose Dr. Glassman too.

Third: Autistic people can’t treat others with respect.

I’ll be honest. Shaun is blunt when dealing with people. He is honest to a fault. But that doesn’t mean he’s disrespecting people or being rude. There are times when he hurts people with his words, but there are also times he saves people with his words. While other residents have been corrected on the disrespectful behaviors they’ve shown to the head surgeons, Shaun has never had such an experience. When Dr. Melendez didn’t respect Shaun, he accepted the treatment and continues following Dr. Melendez’s orders without fail. He never looked down on Dr. Lim because of her gender. He thanks his colleagues for their advice, admits when he’s wrong, and takes on any constructive criticism they give him.

This is all besides the point. Yes I’m upset that people don’t like the show, but my real issue is with the article I read directly after the last one.

“The reason the good doctor is controversial is because of a debate over whether the main character is autistic. The show never explicitly stated that Dr. Murphy is diagnosed with Autism.”

IM SORRY THE SHOW DOESN’T DO WHAT NOW? I swear within the first episode Dr. Murphy’s autism diagnosis is brought up multiple times. They’re debating hiring an autistic surgeon. But the show doesn’t explicitly say he has autism. Other autistic character appear and the surgery residence look to Shaun for help. (To which Shaun responds that just cause he’s autistic doesn’t mean he can help.) He’ll in one of the episodes I just finished Shaun was talking about how ASD is a part of him and it shouldn’t just be overlooked.

Anyways I love this show. I love how they’re representing autism, because while I may differ a lot from Shaun, I can relate a lot to some of his different habits or traits.