#I’m stuck in a God of War loop | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lyriquette · 4 months ago

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Old RWBY AU description from the Frosen Steel server - 12/25/2020

A time loop that has a finite end. FakeGods/TimeLoop!AU

This wasn't a Frosen Steel piece, but probably one of the big sources of goddess!Ruby scenes with the Relic of Choice. Aha. And hence the reason why a lot of my Relic of Choice scenes have a tiny Ruby there aha.

lilac — 12/25/2020 2:57 AM

Ruby couldn't help but feel as though she's been here before - this dark world with a luminescent lake beneath her feet. Black butterflies trailed after every footstep she took, only to scatter back into the nothingness from which it came.

But that would be impossible, which is funny to say given that she’s been stuck in this time loop for a long time now. However, despite how many times she reset, she’s never entered the Vault of Choice before - at least not until now.

She continued walking forward, casting ripples ahead. Silver eyes focused on a small shadowed figure in the distance before widening.

It had her face.

"Welcome back," the figure stepped out of the dark. It was her, almost a decade younger. An innocent smile was on the six-year-old girl's face as she stood patiently in front of her. On top of the girl's head was the Relic of Choice – the Crown.

Ruby’s brain rebooted.

"What do you mean welcome back? I've never been here before."

"You will be," the younger girl said with a tilt of her head. Perhaps the look on her own face prompted the other girl to say more, "Ah. I see your confusion. Time is a mortal construct. Gods do not experience it in the same way as mortals do."

"Only a mortal speaks of cause and effect," she explained, "But a god sees the entirety like a painter surveying their work.” The girl then pointed towards her head, “The Relic of Choice grants a glimpse of that whole." The younger girl stepped closer to her, silver eyes meeting hers – a lonely air surrounding her much like her own nowadays.

"...What's your name?" Ruby reached out gently towards the younger girl who didn't quite belong here, "Are...you a god?"

"My name..." the girl smiled, her hand gently accepting hers and resting her cheek on it, "...is yours.” Her eyes closed shut, “I am you. Or at least the other you that exists in this single moment. When you leave this place, I will no longer exist."

"That's..." Ruby felt her heart drop at that explanation.

"Do not mourn me," she chided gently, "It'll be nice to finally rest after my long wait. As for your question, I am not a god. There has never been a god on Remnant."

Ruby blinked, stunned. "Wait, what about the God of Light and God of Dar-"

"They were never gods. Immortal, yes. Powerful, yes. But godhood is another thing entirely," her doppelganger replied, slowly lifting Ruby's hand away from her cheek. "Godhood means you have the approval of this world. If those outsiders had it, they never would’ve created this gambit to prevent Remnant’s god from emerging. "

“What gambit?”

“The war between the ones you call Salem and Ozma. The war between Grimm and Humanity. To keep the world forever divided, for it takes three things to achieve godhood: sacrifice, worship, and approval,” the other explained.

Something confused Ruby for a moment, especially in context with some of the loops she’s had involving the other Relic she used often. “Wait. Why are you able to answer so many of my questions? Even the Relic of Knowledge – even Jinn - can’t answer so many in a span of time,” Ruby asked suspiciously, “Even in this time loop, she refuses to answer any of my questions telling me it’s too soon between loops.”

“I’ve already told you,” the young girl smiled mischievously, “I’m not a Relic. I am you.” She sighed, “I forgot how dumb you can be sometimes.”

“Hey!” She was affronted. Just because she wasn’t super smart like Penny or Blake doesn’t meant she was dumb.

The girl giggled before saying, “Don’t worry. You become smarter eventually, though I can’t describe the duration in terms of mortal time.” Another innocent smile.

Ruby felt like the girl got in another dig at her. “Okay, if you’re so smart, why is when I purposely approach Weiss or Penny the loop resets?”

The girl instantly sobered up, her expression solemn. “That’s because whom you called gods can still interfere with the loop. They’ve put a geis on your interactions – specifically restricting your interactions with the ones who made your life worth living – one from each god, I suppose - they wanted you to give up.”

Fury filled Ruby’s veins, her entire body tensing up in rage and anxiety. How dare they?! She remembered those early loops – loops that felt like she was being cursed for failing her team so badly - unable to interact with either of her best friends outside of what the loop naturally allowed. Unable to express her happiness. Unable to tell them how much she cared. She grinded her teeth together as memories and feelings she’d repressed for so long came back up to the forefront.

She needed a moment to collect herself, a moment which the younger Ruby obliged.

“Why me?” she managed to choke out.

That question gave the younger girl some pause. “The loops. You’re not resetting time for free. Every time you reset the loop, what protects Remnant from the outsiders goes away little by little. Given this is close to your ten thousandth or so loop, you’ve probably already seen some of its effects. Teammates complaining about having less Dust than expected, a Dust Round that worked in one loop suddenly becoming a dud.”

“I suppose the outsiders are just waiting for the moment when the Dust runs out. Then they can take Remnant’s approval, become gods, and abandon the world to its eventual demise,” the other Ruby spoke with a shrug.

“Wait. If the fake gods take Remnant’s approval, the world will be destroyed?” Ruby said shocked.

“An outsider taking the world’s approval will leave the natives of the world to die. If what you call Dust runs out because of the loops, the outsiders can seize the approval directly,” the younger girl said.

“So that makes me a pawn then?” she gritted her teeth, “That’s why I came back after taking a blow for Weiss? And continued coming back. Because those fake gods are doing this?”

The younger girl paused again and tilted her head as if considering her words carefully.

“You can think of it as so.”

“What the hell?! So my ultimate goal is not Salem, who I’ve already been murdered by a couple hundred times. But the ones who made her?!”

“You can think of it as so,” she nodded.

“What the f-“ Ruby stopped herself from cursing in front of the six-year old before realizing that the girl probably wasn’t an actual six-year-old.

“You don’t need to censor yourself on my account,” she said before her expression turned playful, “It won’t stop me from being cuter than y-Ah.” The younger girl glanced down at her feet with a blank look, which were slowly disappearing into motes of light. “I suppose we’re out of time.”

Ruby closed her mouth in shock, seeing the other girl disintegrate before her. There was still so much she wanted to ask her, but even more importantly, she just didn’t want her new acquaintance to…just disappear. Into nothing. She couldn’t help but feel it unfair – to just wait alone in this darkness – to finally meet someone only to disappear right after. “Is…is there any way I can take you with me?” Ruby asked sorrowfully, her hand reaching for the other girl’s again.

“Like I said, I can only exist in this moment. I don’t have any regrets,” the younger girl looked away, knees vanishing before her eyes. Her tone became hesitant. “But if I could make a request, may I... have a hug?”

Ruby knelt down and quickly threw her arms around the other girl, which the other girl gently reciprocated. “Thank you,” the other Ruby spoke, her voice muffled by her now slightly-wet shoulder. Ruby could feel the other girl quietly tighten her grip around her as she continued speaking, “…I hope this Relic will allow you to follow your heart this time around.”

Ruby could feel the weight of the younger girl vanish from her arms.

“And remember… a god does not experience time the same way a mortal does.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

Ruby’s eyes open. She’s back in the Emerald Forest at the Ruins where all the chess pieces once were.

A cranky voice yells from behind her, the current Fall Maiden, “Come on already! Was something supposed to happen?” The rest of her team behind her looked on curiously.

Wiping the tears on her face, Ruby glanced down into her hands at the comfortable weight in them – the Crown – the Relic of Choice.

#rwby au #rwby fic #ruby rose #rwby fanfiction #old au dump #q ;

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peasthedumb · 4 months ago

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All of my blorbos over time

Songs of war:

Thalleous: omg my original guy, I wish he was my dad. Fangirled back when I was cringe. I mean bad cringe, not my more controlled choice of current cringe. He’s so cool, and I mean, there was a later reveal he was almost entirely evil but…..he is my boi.

Galleous: Thalleous 2! But this time he’s sweeter, and more mundane! Instead of going on hunts, bein badass, slaughtering his foes and adopting orphans, he works a 9 to 5 and worries about his friends and family. Also he keeps birds that search and tell him all the latest gossip.Has some unlikely dodgy friends. (Also is the last living blacksmith able to forge ender knight armour HELLO? HE WAS ACTUALLY IMPORTANT?! HE DID A THING?!)

Ingressus: FUCKING MORALLY GREY BAD GUY WHO COMMITS MASS WAR CRIMES AND SINGLE HANDEDLY STARTED 2 WORLD WARS AND HAS A TRAGIC SIBLING DYNAMIC, NEED I SAY MORE. AND HIS TRAUMA COMES FROM MY OTHER BLORBOS? Basically my original Nootmare.

Undertale/Underverse:

Nootmare: have you even seen my blog? I don’t need to say anything more, I’m gonna eat him for breakfast. Put him in a blender. My one true blorbo, made history in my life, has shaped and forged aspects of myself, including my favourite colours

Dream: he’s just along for the ride with noot noot really, I feel bad favouriting one and not the other cause like- wasn’t that the whole problem which caused dreamtale as we know it. I do adore his innocent childishness.

Killer: ….he is bouncing off the walls with unbridled chaos and energy. I love him, plus he’s part of my favourite ship.

Dust: not really sure how I used to blorbo him, but he holds a special place in my heart. Was my entry into utmv because i couldn’t make sense of anyone else.

Hollow knight:

Pale king: omg he’s such a shit dad!! He loves his wife! He absolutely adores her! He actually cares for his kingdom! He’s so short but he’s a god and a king!! He glows! He REALLY loves his wife, he’s so wholesome! And he’s dead! Also kinda had to….have a child with someone else as part of a deal to save the kingdom but….we forget that!! His wife literally said she didn’t mind so oh well.

Broken vessel: tell me your mysteries. (Omfg it is so difficult to blorbo a empty fucking vessel with no personality or notable experiences)

Hollow knight: I nearly cried when I found his statue. Man he’s so tragic, I can’t imagine the agony. One of my very few blorbos who I think has been through enough trauma. I don’t need to do any more.

Red dead redemption (one of my stranger fixations):

Sean: don’t even remember who that was but I thought he was cool apparently.

Hosea: just a decent old guy, I think.

Rainworld:

Five pebbles: tragic sibling dynamic les goooo, all of my favourite blorbos are tragic sibling dynamics. Fucking love this depressed suicidal grumpy ass god computer who occasionally fat shames obese cats. (Canonically calls fat cat rotund, cannot get over it hdhdjdhdhd). Wish I could repair him. Or humble him. One or the other.

Artificer: Bomb cat bomb cat bomb cat. Rabid, 15 diseases, craves the fall of entire societies, also adopted the depressed supercomputer. 5P: “I don’t want a cat” *Artificer shows up* 5P: “this is my cat”

No significant harassment: only one man (supercomputer) could make puns when facing eternal struggle and agony and failure of his own kind. I want to be his friend. I shipped him with 5P at some point, and I did and do love that ship but I forgot how it made sense to me.

Outer wilds:

Gabbro: GLOBBERT. Also basically the NSH of outerwilds. Just chilling in his hammock, playing flute, relaxing and meditating as he’s stuck in a time loop, being incinerated by a supernova over and over, facing the end of the entire fucking universe. Also smart af.

Solanum: NOMAI GAL NOMAI GAL. Just cool ig, tbh I think my favourite nomai is Mallow but there’s not enough blorbo material.

Dinotrux (yeah….i dunno):

Skrap-it: (did I spell it right) man he gets done dirty, I want him to be happy for once, not be insulted and abused.

Rev-it: lil nerd, I don’t have much to say about him but omg it’s the lil nerd, he’s such a nerd (pos)

Click-clack: me every time something goes slightly off-plan. I vibe with him.

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charis23 · 2 years ago

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Drarry Fics

The Day Before the Wedding

Rated: E. Words: 39k. By: Kbrick

Harry's getting married to Ginny tomorrow. The problem is that he can't seem to get beyond today. (Harry gets stuck in a time loop on his wedding weekend).

Away, Away

Rated: E. Words: 121k. By: Aelys_Althea

Abandonment didn't sit well with Harry. Not at all. After the calamity that was the end of the Triwizard Tournament and the dismissal of his friends over the summer, he decides: enough is enough. He's done. Done with it all. He just wanted to get away. But the Wizarding world, as it happens, isn't quite finished with him. No matter how far he runs, it always catches back up to him. Years after turning from those who left him, Harry is dragged back to that world once more. Many find him far changed from the boy who'd once known. Some - some very few - even like that change. Draco Malfoy just happens to be one of those chosen few.

Tea and No Sympathy

Rated: E. Words: 70k. By: who_la_hoop

It's Potter's fault, of course, that Draco finds himself trapped in the same twenty-four-hour period, repeating itself over and over again. But the more Draco repeats the day, the more he realises the uncomfortable truth: he's falling head over heels for the speccy git. And suddenly, the time loop feels like a trap. For how can he ever get Harry to love him back when time is, quite literally, against him?

Vis-à-Vis-à-Vis

Rated: E. Words: 49.9k. By: Vukovich

Harry's assignment was simple. Close out Draco Malfoy's missing persons case so he can be declared dead. But who's making withdrawals from Malfoy's vaults? How is a death omen-turned-Unspeakable involved? Is an organization known as the Moirai to blame?Harry brushes it off until he can't. Until The Prophet is flooded with sightings of dead people. Until Robards throws himself on his sword. Until Ron turns on his own family. Until Harry scarcely trusts his own reflection in the mirror and trusts the stranger in his bed even less. Until all that stands between war and peace is Harry, a name plate, a stadium of murderers, and Draco Malfoy. God save the Ministry.

Stop All the Clocks (This Is the Last Time I’m Leaving Without You)

Rated: E. Words: 44k. By: firethesound

Living with Draco was difficult; living without him is unbearable. But if there’s one thing Harry learned from the war, it’s that even when one life ends, the rest of the world goes right on living.

flashback, warm nights

Rated: M. Words: 13k. By: warmfoothills

“What’s killing me is that I actually quite fucking like Christmas, festival-for-a-personally-irrelevant-religion-turned-commercialised-garbage-holiday though it may be, and now I’m stuck in the perpetual almost-there of it all with an idiot who gets himself cut up every time no matter how differently I try and do things!” “Killing you?” Potter asks. “I thought I was the one who’s about to get my torso sliced into?” Draco gets stuck in a time loop while the golden trio (plus draco) are horcrux hunting.

The Auror Calendar

Rated: E. Words: 21k. By: melanie_bxx

It's like Firefighter Calendar, but with Aurors, and magic, and six idiots who won't admit their feelings. Featuring Drarry, Blairon, and Theville in one story

The Place Where They Go

Rated: T. Words: 64k. By: chunksy

"You can talk to me, i'll listen for hours." "Maybe that's your problem...". "What?" "Listening to me."

After the second Wizarding War, Harry and his friends return to Hogwarts one final time to finish off their educations. Harry struggles do come to terms with being alive while many of his friends are not. Draco is having trouble dealing with the slander from his classmates due to his position in the war. Harry can't help but take notice of Draco, and how much he has changed, and how much that confused him. Nightmares, Astronomy, paintings, and many lost sketches later, how will they act on their new found epiphanies?

Running on Air

Rated: T Words: 74k By: eleventy7

Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.

Turn

Rated: E. Words: 306k. By: Saras_Girl

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

(Just the most gorgeous Drarry book ever.

Slight spoiler for storyline:

Harry gets placed in an alternate universe where he and Draco are dating, and he begins to find out he doesn’t hate the idea…)

Nor All That Glisters

Rated: E. Words: 110k. By: sweet_sOrrOw

Lonely and frustrated on house arrest, with no prospects for the future, Draco begins brewing Felix Felicis in an attempt to improve his lot. Just in the short term, of course. He isn’t a total idiot.

But before long he finds himself with a thriving business, a nice flat, some actual (albeit irritatingly Gryffindor) friends, and a very satisfying sex life. What’s more, no-one is hexing him in the street. And Harry Potter is single, and gorgeous, and giving Draco decidedly interested looks.

Stop taking the Felix? You must be joking…

Blairon and Drarry in Number Twelve

Rated: E. Words: 49k. By: cabes

After the Battle of Hogwarts, Blaise and Draco find themselves under house arrest for two years with Harry and Ron. They must repair the home to its original magical condition. Join Blaise & Ron and Harry & Draco on an exploration of their loves, fears, and sexual passions.

Until It All Comes Undone

Rated: E. Words: 38k. By: MysticKitten42

Following his confrontation with Voldemort, Harry returns from King’s Cross Station completely changed. He wakes up at Privet Drive with no memory of his past, the war or magic. Petunia, widowed and suffering from empty nest syndrome, is only too happy to turn Harry into Dudley 2.0.

But something’s not quite right. Plagued by recurring nightmares, Harry can’t help but feel something is missing. A bottle of his cousin’s LSD helps him to forget his worries… Magic may not be real, but the hallucinations and the hot blond he meets all feel pretty magical to Harry.

Having turned his back on his family, Draco is determined to start over and do the right thing. But he’s never made good decisions when it comes to Harry Potter. When Potter—presumed dead, but very much alive—unexpectedly returns, Draco will do anything for a second chance. Even if it means pretending not to know who he is…

where all the veins meet

Rated: E. Words: 146k. By: eight_of_wands

It's the summer of 1998. The battle is over, and Voldemort is dead, but Harry still has more questions than answers. Who is he without a piece of Voldemort's soul in his head? What is he supposed to do now?

His friends try to help, but the only thing that can hold his attention—one of the only things that ever has—is Draco Malfoy, out on parole and weirdly hanging around the British Museum.

As they keep running into each other, Harry sees that Malfoy is different, and he wonders if he can be someone else, too.

Featuring rumpled band shirts, poker games everyone hates, fumbling sex, and a Harry going a little mental over how wands even work.

Harry Potter and the Welcome to the World of Grey

Rated: E. Words: 456k. By: sobsicles

When Harry fails to keep his anger at bay and Voldemort possesses his mind, the events that follow lead him down a long road to realizing the world isn't as black and white as it seems.

Chaos, hilarity, and tragedy ensue with a Dark Lord being honest all the time, a rival becoming something else, and a world demanding to be saved. Featuring frightened Death Eaters, deep conversations with a monster, Pureblood traditions being ridiculous, and the fight to do the right thing with no true options.

Harry's life just gets more and more bizarre with each passing moment.

(Or, the one where Harry's life gets split in half, and he has to figure out how to bring it back together.)

A Melody of You & Me

Rated: E. Words: 64k. By: academicdisaster

Draco Malfoy has a Christmas choir competition to win, and Harry Potter has an orphanage that needs funding. When Luna Lovegood intervenes, they agree to help each other out: Harry will join the choir if Draco chooses to sponsor his charity.

But agreeing to work together also means getting to know each other again - in new and unexpected ways.

Ft. a chaotic festive choir, scheming friends, a healthy dose of mental health issues, one very irritating ex, and boys learning how to love and be loved.

Everything Black

Rated: T. Words: 66k. By: General_Jellyfish

If you had a chance to do it over again, make things better, would you take it?

Harry fakes it 'til he makes it.

Harry -somehow- accidentally goes back in time.

The Pain We Share

Rated: T. Words: 223k. By: Aili_Souma

Draco Malfoy had been sick almost his entire life, or at least he thought so, until words started to form on his skin: I must not tell lies.

As it turned out, there were still a lot of secrets from the first war to uncover. How exactly Draco was going to get out of the mess he apparently inherited, was also still to be discovered.

The Bolthole

Rated: E. Words: 54k. By: aideomai, Tepre

Harry is a hoarder, Draco is grief-stricken, and both are capable human adults who can definitely spend a month in a cottage in the Cotswolds together without ever talking about the time they slept together in eighth year. Yeah, no, totally.

Five Weddings and a Potions Accident

Rated: E. Words: 19k. By: lauren3210

In which Harry thinks he’s a playboy, everyone else knows better, and Hermione will kill Seamus if Ron tries to collect on that bet.

Harry Potter and the Future He Doesn’t Really Want, Thanks

Rated: E. Words: 70k. By: orphan_account

It was addictive, the feeling of Draco Malfoy telling him things in a soft voice early in the morning. Harry felt like he was taming a wild animal, or petting a cat that hated everybody else. This train existed outside of time, that was the only explanation Harry could come up with as to why Malfoy was actually having a civil conversation with him right now.

That Old Black Magic

Rated: E. Words: 77k. By: bixgirl1

Centuries ago, marriage contracts were the norm — ready-made alliances between families, expected and complied with, without complaint. But norms have a way of changing, and when a long-dormant contract flares to life, Harry has to navigate an unexpected splintering of the path he'd thought would be easy after the war... with Draco Malfoy.

(Arranged marriage trope but they hate each other at first)

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needtomakebetterusernames · 1 year ago

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Youjo Senki Ideas/Head Canon

So asides from FNAF, another series I’m into is Youjo Senki or the Saga of Tanya the Evil. I like the idea of magic, WW1 and WW2 combined into one setting and feel like its a unique take. However I will confess I’m not a fan of Tanya but feel more sympathy for Mary Sioux instead given I feel as if she’s a victim really in this fight between a reincarnated business man and a deity he managed to tick off. So here is some of my headcanons related to a project/story I have on hiatus on AO3. 1. Tanya is stuck in a time loop. I feel like that despite her best efforts and all the stuff she does to go against the deity called Being X/God, Tanya doesn’t get off freely like she does at the end of the web comic. Instead, when Tanya dies of a natural death far into her life after all that fighting against Being X, she just starts back at the beginning with only her and Being X aware of the time loops. This keeps happening as Tanya slowly becomes more crazy and unhinged with every loop until she finally becomes the true embodiment of ‘evil’ and ‘insanity’. The only way she will ever break the cycle is by dying in the war which so far she refuses to do as an attempt to spite Being X, ironically trapping herself in the loops.

2. Mary does not end up with the US Army or the volunteer mages overseas from the movie or books. Truth be told, I feel like it would be much more difficult for nations to justify sending young children to the frontlines or willingly even if they are mages. While the Empire can use the excuse of Tanya being an orphan and willingly volunteer, many other nations would likely be hesitant to do the same unless the children volunteer willingly and are orphans. For Mary’s case (and in the story), her mother would refuse to send her daughter overseas after she just lost her husband to the war. That and an argument prevented Mary from being able to enlist on time with the US Army or the International Volunteers as seen in the show/movie. This is actually a bit of a connection with the time loops as there is slight variations that happen with each timeline. However, this event is not the end of Mary’s military career...

3. Mary ends up enlisting with the US Marine Corps. While the Army and Volunteers are out of question, one of the more unique and iconic branches of the Unified States Armed Forces (Unified States is the Youjo Senki’s version of United States of America) was recruiting at the same time to establish a new mage unit that will not be involved with the war overseas (initially). While there is still resistance with her mother involving military service, she does give parental consent in the end by her mother (partially thanks to Being X in some ways) to enlist where she ends up being sent to the iconic Parris Island and trained more rigorous both in basic training and when assigned to the new mage unit which has to be trained up by mage veterans of the ongoing conflicts in the Central Americas and Caribbean. This means instead of being trained in camp and then rushed to the frontlines in both the show and movies, she’s given way more time to be trained up and develop more.

4. Mary is fifteen years old. I actually don’t know what Mary’s age in the show was and given how she changed between the anime and movie, I cannot tell for sure. For the sake of this, I figured aging her up (unless I guessed her actual age right) would give her more chances to develop.

I will post more when I get the chance and maybe I will pick up on the story again. I will share the link to the story for those who wish to read it. https://archiveofourown.org/works/37812625

#youjo senki #mary sue #mary sioux #tanya von degurechaff #saga of tanya the evil

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dana-tue · 13 days ago

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Only Two of Us

God made just the two of us. I can search the whole world for another you… and I will never find him. I’ll be left with just many dead ends and many broken hearts in my hands…

So now… chasing for your ghost, I wander these dark streets… desperate to find your scent again. Running blind, always tired and always in pain… bumping into pale faces and stumbling on empty souls… On this road of nothingness I stop sometimes to look back over my shoulder… hoping that I’ll see you again chasing me.

Our story’s memory… is my traveling companion now. Always there to keep me safe… it gives me the hope and the faith and the strength I need to carry on. It’s always there… to remind me of the sweetness of your lips and the warmth of your touch. This memory is my best friend now. It took your place… when you left me. We always travel together in search of you. Hand in hand… so determined to never lose each other… we search for you. We know that one day… we will find you. We both know that someday… this traveling of ours will end and then… you’ll take its place again.

Time is now my worst enemy. We’re now in an endless war. He’s determined to torture me every single day that passes without you… The patience left me a long time ago and now the hours seem centuries…

The tears never leave me though… Nor does the pain. They are always with me. Me, your memory, my tears and our pain… we are all traveling together through time… always searching for you… always waiting for you. We’ve been through a lot. We’re now bound by this strange friendship. You’ve introduced us.

Sometimes I feel like a warrior… fighting with the whole world for your love. Sometimes I feel like a little girl… powerless and frail… begging God to give me another chance. I’m always balancing between these two. Like the pendulum of this absurd clock that doesn’t even know what time is it… The time to fight or the time to pray?

I’m now praying to have the strength to fight for you… Whatever this means. I pray to keep the straight line in tracing the steps you left for me when you disappeared… I hope I will not get lost in this darkness and that I’ll always find in the pocket of my heart the map that leads me to that beautiful face and those divine eyes… I’ll fight every demon that’s taunting me and every ghost that’s haunting me on the way. I’ll fight the robbers of love and I’ll fight time and the tentacles of the oblivion… keeping your memory safe.

From time to time the treacherous doubts… are visiting my mind too. From the darkest corners of my soul… they come out and surround me with seducing arguments. I always find myself smiling at them… and closing my eyes in silence… breathing the air of your memory… I remember your smile.

So now I’m here… in this sorrowful vacation… in Hell… where you’ve sent my soul with the cheapest ticket. The ceaselessly wandering on the dark streets of this ghost town… searching blindly for your ghost through thousands of memories… this is my home now. I’m staying at this luxurious hotel of torture… and every day I’m swimming in this pool of tears… drinking this bitter cocktail of our lost love. I guess this is the vacation I deserve now… after I’ve demolished Our Heaven.

Missing you at every beat of my heart, feeling you with every breath, seeing your face and hearing your voice everywhere… this is The Hell I’m living in now. Always rewinding everything in an endless loop of torture… always blaming myself for everything that went wrong… always trying to find the way that leads to redemption… this is the life I’m living now.

So now I’m this singer of the same song… and the writer of the same lyrics repeating the same thing in various ways. Like a broken tape recorder… stuck on the same partition… repeating “Forgive me”. Playing these discordant notes on this old guitar I’m trying to tell you “I’m sorry” and with my clumsy and trembling fingers I try to play this piano song that says “I love you”…

So now I’m this bird without its wings… just trying to remember how it feels to fly. A wingless bird dreaming about flying again… over this empty sea that still remembers the waves and over this frozen land that still remembers the sun. Now I’m just a leaf… fallen from The Tree Of Life and an angel… fallen from The Sky’s Heaven. I’m like a lonely, tired traveler of time that lost his way back home. I’m just a name on a long waiting list and a number in an old… expired phone book. Now I’m like a little flower waiting for the gardener… like a drifting ship waiting for the captain… like a wick-free candle waiting for the lighter.

Now I’m in this Waiting Place… Just waiting… for another chance.

God made only two of us. Unfortunately I found out too late that you were the other one…

#dana tue #dana #tue #art #artists on tumblr #writers on tumblr #writing #poems on tumblr #poetry #fiction #love #spirituality

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hallelujahonmytongue · 1 year ago

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Had some good religion-adjacent realisations today when I went for a walk cause I was going crazy stuck in my room. I feel like it’s easy for me to stay in my room because I get home so wiped from work, and I think of resting as being in bed and I also think of my silly little walk for my silly little mental health as being just getting outside, which I do on the way to work, rather than being for time away from needing to do stuff and being with nature and the like.

But I went to the pond near my house, it’s like kind of nature-y but it’s a nice ten minute walk I’ve done a bunch of times. The pond is pretty, I was really wigging out from sadness and loneliness from missing my partner and anger at my mum for messing me up so bad (I journalled the other day and had some realisations about attachment styles and why I’ve been struggling a lot in my relationship recently). I felt like I was feeling such overwhelming pain in my small body and soul.

But then I was able to self regulate really well, because I realised that I need to create a sense of self that is separate to my relationships with other people. I was so lonely for so long that now that I have so many fulfilling close relationships, I forget I have parts of me that only I know and only I need to nurture by spending my alone time doing something other than consuming media to avoid a thought occurring. I wrote down a list of things that make me feel I’m treating myself and doing something just for me, mostly going out for meals on my own or getting a fancy drink or making a cup of tea or reading a book. Basically mostly monetary things but things that I would do for someone I really liked, things that are extra care that show me I value myself. It was just refreshing in general to acknowledge that I’ve lost myself in other people a bit recently, and that ties back to the attachment style stuff.

Secondly, I’ve been massively freaked out about religion type stuff since my friend told me God is waiting for me after I started crying over how much I missed God and how much I missed praying to Them. (I don’t hold it against my friend, it was actually a super sweet thing of him to say and he meant it in the best way possible, it was just totally the wrong thing to say to me, unbeknownst to him.) It shook my whole “I don’t believe in God anymore because I can’t risk getting my heart broken again” thing, which was honestly more of a just “repeat that whenever I think about it and avoid processing the trauma of losing my faith”. I felt so conflicted all over again, I would pray and love praying and go to church and love that too but then hate myself and be confused and be angry at God all over again.

Today I realised that I am tired of living in that loop. Yes, I could be religious and accept that my life will be defined by my struggle with God, or at least inextricably intertwined with it and it will take up most of my brain space. Or, and this is what I decided, I can heed the promise I made to myself when I was overwhelmed with the pain of losing my faith the first time, and I swore I’d never believe again because I knew I wouldn’t survive the pain a second time.

I could just let it go, accept the pain of missing God and missing religion but also know I can miss something and not want it back because I know it’s not good for me. I need to just cut myself off from all the religious social media and my need to go to church even when it’s hard to do that because it’s so much healthier for me to live my life in accordance with my values of logic and evidenced based belief. It’s just so freeing and calm for the two parts of me to not be at war constantly. I know some of you will want to disagree with me and you’ll say one can have faith without that, but I never could and believe me, I tried.

As soon as I admitted that, the deepest sense of calm passed over me and I realised that I can achieve the sense of peace I get at church by listening to my own Wise Mind, to use DBT terminology. I am the one who loves me no matter what, and I am the one who waits for myself to acknowledge I will always be here and I will always be on my own side. I don’t need God for that because I can self regulate on my own, and I can thereby avoid the horrible conflicts within my brain.

#anyway; this is a lot of words but it’s good to get it on paper so to speak #I feel really good about it honestly #maybe I’ll miss god for the rest of my life but I would much rather that than suffer the feeling of my integrity being torn in two in a tug #of war constantly #and maybe the letting go will be lifelong as well; maybe it’ll be a process #but I’d rather that too #we’ll see what I’ll do with this blog #I feel like I will be back here missing God again soon enough but I am fucking tired of going back and forth and trying to believe and sort #it out in my head when I can’t #I just feel so free and calm and clearheaded when I don’t believe so I’m gonna hold onto that #God can go fuck himself if he has a problem with me at this point cause he’s fucked it up too many times and it’s beyond repair now #anne speaks

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hismercytomyjustice · 7 months ago

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Let me preface this by saying things got wildly out of hand. I am so so so so sorry. I have a lot of feelings and I’ve seen way too many musicals. Do not even remotely feel obligated to read this veritable novel.

Under a cut to protect the innocent from the wall of text below.

Apologies if some of the YouTube links start in the middle. I was trying to make sure they were the right ones and idk if I have it in me to go back and fix the links to get them to start at the beginning. ಥ_ಥ

Anastasia - Gotta second this! It deviates from the cartoon movie (no Rasputin), but is still SO GOOD. This scene will FOREVER HAUNT ME. In addition to others! And it has Ramin Karimloo (my fave Phantom) in the OG cast. Amnesiac orphan Anastasia unknowingly agrees to pretend to be herself to help a pair of con men swindle her only remaining family member. Feelings are caught and secrets come out.

Bat Boy - A friend introduced me to this one and I thought she was kidding but oh my god I love it. I’ve never seen it BUT OH MY GOD IT’S ON YOUTUBE AND I’M DEFINITELY GONNA SOON! Tells the story of a vampire boy trying to be human.

Pierre Natasha and the Great Comet of 1812 - Omggg this is on YouTube too?! Sorry I am just ECSTATIC. Based on a portion of War & Peace. OG MC is Josh Groban and he kills it. Saw a local production and was completely blown away. OG MC for Natasha is same for Eliza in Hamilton. Sweet, funny, and has a lot of heart.

Epic the Musical - This is a concept album only but oh my god it is SO GOOD. Highly highly highly recommend!!! There are a ton of really cool animatics out there for it too. Follows the plot of the Odyssey. Completely sing through and a WIP tho a lot’s done already. Truly stunning music.

A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder - OG MC is the VA for Stolas in Helluva Boss. Looks like you can find it on YouTube too. A down on his luck man finds out he could be the heir to a vast fortune so long as he murders all the people in line before him!

Beetlejuice - OG MC plays Adam in Hazbin and Fizz in Helluva Boss. So funny and irreverent but also a really poignant story about grief and found family. Might not be able to find online, but there are clips of the songs.

Repo! The Genetic Opera - This one is actually a film. It includes Sara Brightman (OG ALW Christine ftw!). MC is actually the girl from Spy Kids. Story about a future megacorporation loaning out organs to a struggling populace and repo-ing them if they miss their payments.

Legally Blonde - Full version (originally aired on MTV which is where I saw it) is online! Yup, it’s based off the movie/book! OG actor for Emmett the main love interest is none other than Vox’s VA in Hazbin! He is SO SO SO good in this! He also plays Willy Wonka in the OG soundtrack for the Willy Wonka musical (which I also recommend).

Hadestown - Musical based on the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. Music is more NOLA jazz and catchy af. Looks like it’s online too. Recommend going into it knowing the story if you’re unfamiliar. Went with some friends who didn’t and they had strong feelings about it lol.

Sweeney Todd - This is the one about the barber who seeks revenge through serial murder and his “situationship” who bakes his victims into meat pies! Lots of catchy songs! You can probably find on YouTube or somewhere similar but there’s a film version too starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Alan Rickman, and Jamie Campbell Bower (Stranger Things Vecna in a musical?!). I really enjoyed the movie when I saw it years ago.

Groundhog Day - This one is based off the movie/book too and on YouTube! The story of the guy stuck in the time loop until he learns how to not be a dick! I have only seen the YouTube version but I’m a huge fan.

Six the Musical - This one is about Henry the 8th and told from the POV of his very unfortunate six wives. There are a couple of recordings on YouTube. The music is kind of more poppy and it’s presented like a concert.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog - I think it was free originally but it’s on streaming now (I think Prime). MCs include Neil Patrick Harris, Felicia Day, and Nathan Fillion. Created by Joss Whedon. Story is about a wannabe supervillain trying to make his way up the food chain while dealing with a love triangle (including his archnemesis) in the process.

Fiddler on the Roof - You might be able to find a filmed production of this online but it also has a really great movie version from I think 1971. Very sweet, but with some darker themes mainly around antisemitism. A poor Jewish man tries to find husbands for his three daughters. The daughters have their own ideas about who they want to marry. Hijinks ensue.

Mamma Mia - The ABBA musical! Love the actual musical and the film (starring Meryl Streep, Dominic Cooper, Amanda Seyfried, Cher, Colin Firth, and more)! They put out a sequel a few years ago too that made me cry like a bitch! Story about a girl about to marry her soulmate who is trying to figure out which of the three men her mother was seeing at the time of her conception is her father. Includes found family and it is just such a sweet and heartfelt story about love in its many forms.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - Musical tv show! This one is about a successful lawyer who has a panic attack and runs away from her life to pursue her childhood crush. I gotta admit I haven’t seen the full show (I think I’ve seen through the second season?), but I really enjoyed it! The songs are a bit silly but fun! Stars include Rachel Bloom, Santino Fontana (first 2 seasons, he’s also Prince Charming in the OG soundtrack for the Cinderella musical - also highly recommend), and other great cast members!

Annie - This one will always have a soft spot in my heart. Huge fan when I was a kid. The 1982 film is great (Tim Curry is in it, need I say more), but the 2014 remake is phenomenal too (and includes Jamie Foxx)! It has the famous “You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile” song in it, which apparently heavily played a role in Alastor’s character in Hazbin. Annie’s an orphan holding out that her bio parents will return for her one day. Meanwhile a rich workaholic decides to temporarily sponsor her for the holidays for the sake of his image. She teaches him life isn’t just about money and legacy.

Big Fish - This is also based on the movie/book! If you haven’t seen the movie, HIGHLY recommend. It’s up in parts on YouTube. It follows the story of a man’s grown up son trying to uncover the real version of his father under the fantastical version of himself he’s always played. It’s a story about fatherhood, optimism, and mortality.

The Prince of Egypt - This is an older movie but I still listen to the soundtrack to this day. You often see it on lists of “soundtracks that didn’t need to go that hard” haha. Follows the story of Moses from the Bible, reckoning with his destiny and how it will destroy his relationship with his brother. Extremely star studded cast and music is composed by Hans Zimmer.

Nevermore - This one I’ve only listened too but I’ve really enjoyed it. Loosely based on the life of Edgar Allen Poe. There are clips on YouTube but I’m not sure if a full version exists somewhere online.

guys drop more musicals for me to watch pleaseeee

so far i’ve seen phantom/hamilton/rocky horror picture show/frankenstein/dr jekyll & mr hyde/les miserables & some others i can’t remember lmao

#musicals #I fucking love musicals #musical suggestions #I’m so sorry #hismercy’s musings #hismercy can’t stfu

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septicshaye-blog · 7 years ago

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I feel like Jack may have some strong words to say to the God of War cast after seeing this...

#jacksepticeye #I’m stuck in a God of War loop #Dad of B O Y

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sunmoonandeddie · 3 years ago

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and he kissed me right here

pairing: modern!bucky barnes x reader

word count: 6,100

summary: I've always been sure that all I ever wanted was a glamorous life.

warnings: Cuss words, mentions of the Afghanistan war (Bucky is a veteran), angst, happy ending, cheesy romantic confessions, age gap

a/n: This is based on the song 'Stars and the Moon' from Songs for a New World! It's the first one shot in my musical series! This is written in first perspective, but there is no physical description or use of a name in this!

Twenty-Two

I sighed as I tossed a few more dirty plates into the dish window, wiping my brow. After a shitty dinner rush and an even shittier rush around two in the morning consisting only of drunk ass college kids looking for some sort of carb to suck up all the alcohol in their systems, I was ready to go the fuck home.

“Sweetheart, you head on home now,” the head chef insisted as he watched my head nod slightly as I tried my best to fight off sleep. “Ain’t nobody comin’ in before Melissa gets here. No point in you staying on your feet any longer.”

Louis was a godsend. At sixty-seven years old, you’d think he would rather be anywhere but a diner at almost four in the morning.

“Nah,” he had said when I’d asked him a few months after I’d first started. “My Ginny died a few years back, and since she’s been gone, I don’t really have the stomach to sit around that house all alone.” He had laughed, but there’d been a deep sorrow that had come over his deep brown eyes. “Kids are worried, but… Sleeping the day away is better than laying up at night staring at her side of the bed…”

“You sure, Lou?” I asked even as I headed for the back room where all the employees clocked in and kept their possessions in their own little cubbies. I did my checkout in view of the security camera, just like always. I didn’t want anyone to be able to say I stole anything.

Everyone who knew me knew that I wouldn’t, but I’d worked at two many places where the girls tried backstabbing each other and sabotaging everyone else to get them fired.

Though people were a lot nicer in Louisiana than any of the other places I’d lived.

Louis chuckled as he set a to-go box in the window, nodding towards it. “Mmhm. Long as Buck is getting you home safe.”

I gave him a joking eye roll as I took the to-go box gratefully, grinning at my name written in all caps with green Sharpie on top. “You know you don’t have to make me dinner every night.”

“Yes, I do,” he said, shooting me a look. “How else do I know you’re getting enough food in you, huh?” He pointed his rag at me. “Now you go ask him to get you home. Tell him I said he can clock out, and that he’s supposed to text me when he sees you safe inside. You better not say you’re gonna ask him again just to walk yourself home.” The old man shook his head as I headed for the back door, muttering to himself, “Damn girl thinks I’m gonna believe she’s feeding herself good enough when she’s risking her damn ass walking home alone.”

Despite the fact that I’d put off asking for Bucky Barnes’s service, I really did appreciate how fiercely Louis cared about me.

It had been a real long time since anyone had cared so much.

I hesitated at the back door of the diner, my hand resting against the cool metal.

What if he said no?

Granted, he most likely wouldn’t. But what if he said yes, and he secretly thought me some dumb little girl that couldn’t take care of herself?

What did I care if he thought that?

“I don’t care what he thinks of me,” I huffed as I straightened my shoulders, holding my chin a little higher.

“Stop talking to yourself and get going!”

I jumped in surprise, before shooting a glare in the direction of the kitchen. “Stop listening in on my private conversations!” I demanded before storming outside with new found vigor.

Only to freeze when Bucky looked up from where he was sitting on the curb, smoking a cigarette.

God, he was handsome.

“You okay, doll face?” He asked, his New York accent a sharp contrast to the southern drawls you were used to.

“Um… Y-Yeah,” I said faintly, glancing back at the door that I’d come in from. “Um… L-Louis wants me to ask you… Can you walk me home? Or give me a ride? I don’t… I don’t know if you drive…”

“I do drive.”

“O-Oh. Okay. Great.”

“But I don’t have my car on me.”

I peered at him curiously. “Oh. Um… I can just walk by myself. I don’t wanna… I don’t wanna be a nuisance…”

He stood up, tossing his cigarette to the ground and stomping it out. “Don’t be ridiculous, darlin.’ Come on. I’ll walk you.” He shoved his hands in his pockets as he began to head for the street. “Besides… It’s a real nice night.”

“Oh…,” I said in surprise at how ready he was to be of service. “Okay. But only if you’re sure.”

A faint smile graced his lips as he glanced at the ground, letting out a faint chuckle that rumbled deep in his chest. “I’m sure, darlin.’ But you gotta lead the way.”

I was surprised by the rapid pitter patter of my heart beat as we walked side by side down the street, the chorus of ‘Yellow Brick Road’ getting stuck in my head on a loop.

Bucky was an enigma that I found myself wondering about more often than not, but I always ended up talking myself out of going there. After all, he was an older man. A much older man. At least fifteen years older than my own twenty-two years, or something along those lines, not that he looked it. The man looked like some kind of rugged Greek god. Like Hades if Hades was born in the eighties. His dog tags clinked together under his shirt as we walked, his metal prosthetic glinting in the moon.

“So how did you end up in NOLA?”

It took me a moment to even realize that he was talking to me, my heart skipping a beat and my face going hot in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, what did you say?” I asked.

His bright blue eyes flickered over to look me over. “How’d you end up in New Orleans?”

“I actually don’t know,” I snorted, avoiding his eyes as I kicked at a few broken up pieces of asphalt. “I just… Picked a bus ticket and ended up in one of the Carolinas. Then I picked another bus ticket and ended up in Minnesota. And then I picked another, and another, and another, and then I actually just… ended up here.” The months I’d spent alone on those Greyhounds felt both so long ago and also like it was just yesterday. “The diner was the first place someone recommended for food that’s good but cheap, and as I was eating my mountain of cheese fries, I saw the flyer that said they were hiring. So here I am now…”

“Huh,” he said, his brows furrowed. “I didn’t take you for the type of person to run off on your own… riding buses all over the country…”

Head tilting to the side, I gave him a long look. “You didn’t? What kind of type did you peg me for?”

Bucky gave me a long look, a single brow raised as though silently telling me that I jumped to conclusions. “Just that jumping from place to place can take a lot outta someone,” he said slowly, his voice low and soothing. “Hell, if you were my girl—” He broke off as his cheeks flushed a pretty shade of pink, his long hair falling in his face.

I swore my heart had stopped inside of my chest, and I swallowed thickly around the lump in my throat. “Oh?”

He rushed to try to correct his wording. “I-I just mean, a lady should be comfortable. And if I had a g-girl like you, well… You’d never want for anything,” he stammered, stumbling over his words like a flustered school boy. “Hell, I… I’d give you the stars and the moon…”

I was shocked into silence, staring up at him like he was the sun itself. “Bucky…”

“No, no, don’t say anything. I… I know that was a lot,” he insisted quietly, unable to meet your eyes as he stared up at the shitty apartment building you called home. “Hell, you probably don’t want a gross old man hitting on you.” His metal hand, glinting in the low light of the street lamp, reached up to brush against my cheek for just a moment before it quickly dropped. “Just let me walk you home each night so I can make sure you’re safe, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I breathed out, unable to take my eyes off of him as he took a few steps back.

There’s a somewhat playful smirk on his lips as he watched me stumble up the steps, continuously glancing back at him. “Goodnight, baby doll.”

“Goodnight,” I said, barely audible before I finally headed inside.

Bucky kept his word. He walked me home every night, and honestly, there wasn’t a moment that I wasn’t thinking about what he had said, about if I was his girl.

What if I was his girl?

But… with that meant I’d have to give up the life I’d dreamed for myself. I wanted luxury, to never worry about bills or where I was gonna get my next meal or if I could afford to buy the nice work shoes or if I could only get the cheap ones that would fall apart in three months and then I’d just be right back where I started.

I wanted the life that celebrities lived. Hell, I wanted to go to parties on the same yachts the Kardashian-Jenners did, even if I couldn’t fucking stand them.

And with Bucky… I wouldn’t have that.

“So why’d you go on the run anyway?” Bucky asked one night as we sat on the curb, eating ice cream in the Louisiana heat. “I know you told me how you got here, but you’ve never told me why.”

“You’ve never told me how you ended up here or why either,” I shot back, nudging his shoulder with my own.

Somehow the age difference seemed non-existent as we sat there. Honestly, I felt like we were just a bunch of dumb teenagers, shooting the shit and enjoying each other’s company.

Bucky took in a deep breath, his shoulders sinking in a way that made it look like he had all the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I was over in Afghanistan for a long time,” he admitted quietly. “When the war first started, I was 19. I had no idea where my life was going and I had no options except my dad’s mechanic shop. So I enlisted with my best friend, Steve. The one I told you about.”

It’s completely silent except for the sound of an occasional car horn off in the distance.

“Neither one of us knew what we were doing. We realized very quickly that we had no reason being over there, but… but there was nothing else,” he said, swallowing around the lump in his throat. The ice cream he was holding was melting in his trembling hands. “I didn’t know how to do anything else, so I stayed. Steve moved up in the ranks, but I stayed pretty low… I didn’t mind. Kinda liked being the older guy all those young kids could talk to, could rely on… Because they were just like me, getting into a fight that wasn’t theirs because they had nothing else.”

My heart was shattering inside my chest as I scooted a little closer, my knee knocking against his as I tried to give him some sort of silent comfort. He’d been through Hell and made it through.

Bucky let his head rest against mine, his eyes closing as he breathed in the scent of my perfume. “They eventually moved me to some kind of specialized team… Called us the Howling Commandos. I found out that Steve was heading it and he picked me to be part of it. That’s how I met Sam, because he was on some sort of similar team with the Air Force, except it was just him and his friend, Riley,” he continued, taking a bite of his chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. “I am proud to say that I didn’t kill a single person while I was over there. I just couldn’t. Hell, they’re people just like me, terrified and unsure of what’s going to happen.” His lips pressed against my forehead, letting it linger. “But then about five years ago, I was on a mission with the Commandos, Sam, and Riley, and… this bomb went off while we were playing a game of soccer. I wasn’t even in a fight. That thing took my arm and it took Riley.”

Tentatively, I let my fingers find his, holding his hand and squeezing reassuringly.

“Sam decided to come home with me.” There was a forlorn look in his eyes, as though he was right back at that game of pick-up soccer. “After losing Riley… he couldn’t find a reason to be over there. And then Steve decided to stay, and hell, he’s still over there, leading that fucking team…” Glassy baby blue eyes finally found mine, the both of us doing our best to not cry. “I couldn’t face my family for a long time, so Sam asked me to come stay in Louisiana with him and his family, and I haven’t left since.”

“Have you gone to see your family?” I asked slowly, almost like I was scared I’d frighten him if I spoke too loudly, like a wild animal. “Let them know where you are? That you’re safe?”

He turned to look at me, his baby blues shining. “You worried about me, baby doll?”

“I can’t help it,” I said honestly, unable to tear my eyes away. I hadn’t opened up to someone like that in so damn long. “I can’t help but worry about you.”

The way that I felt about Bucky absolutely terrified me, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. It snuck up on me, like a train coming around a bend.

I hated it.

“What do you want out of this life?” Bucky asked on one walk home, his arm linked in mine. He’d become so much more… tactile. If anyone took a moment to look at us, they’d think we were a couple on a romantic stroll.

Perhaps we were.

But I couldn’t help but grin as I looked up at the sky, taking in the warm air. “I wanna live like how the movie stars do… I want a big house on the beach and twenty cars and a yacht and… and…”

He looked at me long and hard. “And you never wanna have to worry about where your next meal is coming from, if you’re gonna have a place to sleep at night…”

For some reason, I’d felt a bolt of panic over whether or not he’d understand. Whether or not he’d think differently of me, but I should’ve known that he wouldn’t. Hell, he knew me better than anyone else.

“You understand,” I said quietly, my hand squeezing his bicep gratefully. “I want to live how the other half lives for once. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”

A small smile graced his features as we shuffled along. “There isn’t. But… What about love?” He asked.

“Love?”

“Love.”

Love.

Could I even have love? Did I want it?

“I don’t know if there’s a lot of room for love in my plans,” I admitted after a long moment. “In my experience, love has always just been a lie. A word used to manipulate and eventually abuse.”

Letting out a snort, he let his fingers tickle down my tricep until his fingers intertwined with mine. “I’d show you it’s not… I’d show you what real love is,” he said. “I’d give you every part of me, give you all my strength to help you grow into who you wanna be, even if I don’t particularly care about being famous or rich…” He brought my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles. “I’ll give you a love story, a life, that’s a million times better than any recycled Hollywood plot… I’ll give you the stars and the moon, if you would just let me.”

I hated the way that he made my heart beat faster, the way my breath hitched. “Jamie,” I breathed out quietly, the two of us having stopped in our tracks to just… take each other in. Live in each other’s presence for a moment. “I…”

“You want a big life… one a lot bigger than little old me,” he said simply, shrugging. His blue eyes were so honest, so loving. So warm. A warmth I hadn’t ever experienced before. “I know. But that doesn’t change that I’m in love with you. And if you ever change your mind…” Bucky reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card, pressing it into my free hand. “This is where you can find me. I figure it’s time for me to go home.”

We’d come to a stop in front of my building, and I was shocked at how tight my chest felt. My eyes watered as I stared at him long and hard. “Jamie, please… I⏤”

“Don’t say it. It’s okay,” he insisted as he cupped my cheek, letting his thumb run over my skin as though he was memorizing it. “I just want you to be happy, darling. You got that?” His lips pressed to my forehead, letting it linger. “Go get that life you’ve been dreaming of.”

Twenty-Three

I left New Orleans the next day, grabbing a bus ticket after throwing all of my belongings into my old duffel bag. It was time to move on.

But God, did it hurt.

I didn’t stop crying for weeks, fighting the urge to go right back to Louisiana and tell Bucky to take it back, to get him to beg me to stay with him.

But what kind of life would that leave me with? Working in the diner day after day? Never getting anywhere?

But you’d have James, a voice inside my head reminded me snarkily.

Then again, he most likely wasn’t even in New Orleans anymore, if what he said was true when he gave me the business card of his father’s mechanic shop. Was he really planning on going home to New York City?

A few months later, and I’d worked my way all through the southwest to Santa Fe, where I met Pietro.

My heart was pounding as I pressed in the familiar numbers, having memorized them from the business card now soft and faded from how often I held it in my hands like a lifeline. “Come on… Pick up… Pick up…”

“Barnes Tires and Motors, this is George,” a man said in a gruff voice when he finally picked up. “How can I help you?”

“H-Hi, is James there? James Barnes? Bucky?” I stammered out, hands trembling so bad that the old payphone was almost rattling.

There was a pause, and then muffled talking away from the phone.

And then I heard it being picked up. “This is Bucky,” he said.

It felt like the wind had been knocked right out of my lungs. How had I gone so long without hearing his voice?

Breathing in sharply, I tried to figure out the words to say. But my throat was dry and it was like I’d suddenly forgotten the entire English language.

That was all that it took for Bucky to realize it was me. “Baby doll? Baby doll, is that you?” He asked quietly. “I…” He took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. “You don’t gotta say a thing, sweetheart… But just know that if you’re in trouble or you need help or… or anything at all, you better call me…” His voice wavered, as though he was fighting tears just like I was. “God, I miss you so much, baby doll. I love you.”

I love you, too.

I hung up before I could actually say the words. “God, I’m so fucking stupid,” I whispered as I leaned back against the wall of the gas station I’d found myself at, rubbing the heels of my hands into my eyes.

My dumb ass had decided to wander from the bus station, and I’d walked over a mile away. Unless I was staying in Santa Fe for a bit, I’d need to start making my way back.

“You okay?”

In my distress, I hadn’t even heard the rumbling of the motorcycle or noticed the handsome man making his way to me. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” I said even as I wiped my nose with a pathetic sniffle.

He eyed me for a long moment, his eyes roaming over my figure. “You hungry? I know a great little place nearby. My treat.”

And well, I was never one to turn down free food.

Even if that ‘little place’ ended up being a food truck.

“You know, when you said it was a little place, I didn’t picture it having wheels,” I said teasingly, licking salsa off of my lower lip. “Though, it is the best food I’ve ever gotten from a food truck before.”

“Oh, come on. This is the best food of all time!” He laughed, shaking his head.

“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” I snorted, finishing off my flautas.

Pietro looked at me long and hard. “So, are you gonna tell me what the hell was going on to have a pretty girl like you all teary eyed?” He asked, his head tilting to the side.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Was this your plan all along?” I asked. Wiping my hands off on a napkin, I did everything I could to avoid his eyes. “Get me all fed and then question me?” But at the same time, the thought of being able to finally talk to someone about it was so appealing… After a long moment of hesitation, I finally gave in. “I fell in love with a man, and he let me go because he knew that I want a life he can’t give me,” I said. “And I was a bitch who didn’t even tell him I love him back when he said it to me.”

Pietro took in a deep breath, slowly letting it out. “Damn. You really are a stone cold bitch, aren’t you?”

“Hey!” I indignantly threw a chunk of tomato at him, glaring. “I just opened up my heart, you dickwad.”

“Dickwad?!” He said, blinking at me in shock. “No one’s ever called me a dickwad before.”

I raised a single eyebrow at him. “Maybe not to your face, but they definitely have.” He gave off the vibe of a fuckboy, of a really, really bad fuckboy.

“Well, since you’re running away from your feelings, how about you spend a week or two with me on the road?” He asked with a grin.

I couldn’t help but blink at him in shock. “What?” I let out a laugh, pulling one of my legs up to my chest. “Do you throw that line out to every girl you meet? Or am I just special?”

Pietro threw a chip at me, and I barely managed to dodge it. “No, I don’t. But… You remind me of me. Needing adventure. A life bigger than four walls and a fence.”

Instinctively, I wanted to snap back that sometimes, four walls and a fence could be an adventure, could be the biggest life there was, as Bucky’s face flashed across my mind.

But I couldn’t do that. Not when I wasn’t ready to face the truth myself.

“Come on, sweet cheeks,” he teased as his foot hooked around mine. “Just think of it. The open highway, a rhythm beneath your feet… Nights full of passion and days of adventure…” Pietro’s voice was deep and husky, as though he was trying to lure me in. “No strings… just warm summer rain soaking us to the bone before we find some cheap motel to huddle down in…”

Plastering on a smile, I stood up and brushed myself on. “Thanks, but… I’d rather be drinking champagne, and the quicker I get to LA, the sooner I will be.”

He let me go with a kiss on the cheek and his cell number pressed into my hand, with a promise to come and pick me up the second I rang.

And despite how sweet he was, how wild and funny and charismatic, there was only one man I wanted to call.

Twenty-Four

I sipped at my martini as I sat at the rooftop bar, absentmindedly watching the television that was mounted on the wall as people droned around me. I’d been in Los Angeles for a year, and I’d spent my time finding the best places to find a husband who could give me the life I dreamed of.

As much as I didn’t want to admit it, it took connections to build a career, and the best way to get a foot in the door when nepotism was so rampant was by marrying someone in the industry.

My silk dress was the most expensive thing I owned, something I’d saved up for months for, had skipped meals for. And fuck, was it worth it. I could feel the stares, the lingering gazes on the little bit of thigh that was exposed by the slit in the dress.

I’d already turned away several men, able to tell just from their expensive watches and cheap suits and shoes.

It was amazing how all the up and coming finance bros thought they fit in with the truly big dogs.

“Well, hello, gorgeous.”

I turned to see who was speaking, my heart skipping a beat when I realized who I was speaking to.

The world famous (or infamous) director, Tony Stark.

“Hello, handsome,” I said smoothly, my lashes fluttering innocently as I took a sip of my horrible drink.

I fucking hated martinis. Always had.

But ordering a martini was more sophisticated than ordering a frozen strawberry margarita.

“Is this seat taken?” He asked as he motioned to the empty bar stool right next to me, even as he was already sitting down. “Let me buy your next round.”

“I can’t think of anything better,” I said, feeling as though my dream life was already in reach.

Twenty-Eight

“Tony, where are you taking me?” I laughed as I let my boyfriend lead me to the private dock at our Malibu mansion.

Well, his mansion. I just happened to also live there.

It had been a whirlwind of a year since I had met Tony, and he’d bought me that second round. He’d taken me all over the globe, anywhere my heart desired.

But I made sure to avoid New York City, though he never understood why. I would never tell him.

Not when I was so close to my dream. I could practically taste it.

“Come on, come on. I have a surprise for you,” he said, keeping his hands over my eyes. He was sure to keep me from tripping and busting my ass, thank god.

The ocean waves were so comforting as they hit the shore, a sound I’d gotten used to over the past year.

He finally brought me to a stop, quietly telling me to keep my eyes closed. “Okay,” he said finally. “Open them.”

My eyes slowly opened, adjusting to the bright light of the California sun. But I was more shocked by the sight of Tony on one knee in front of me, holding out a box with a sparkling diamond ring in it. “Tony?”

The ring was the size of a fucking meteor. It was easily the biggest ring I’d ever seen.

“You know, I never thought I’d meet someone like you,” he said quietly, his dark eyes shining. But his voice was steady. “Someone who understands me, who doesn’t expect me to change into someone I’m not. You accept me as I am, and that’s why I want to give you the world.” He couldn’t help but grin as he nodded to the right. “Starting with that yacht you’ve always dreamed of.”

I hadn’t even noticed that there were two yachts at his private docks instead of just the one. The new one had SS Princess emblazoned on the side, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh… Tony…”

“So, what do you say?” He asked, bringing my attention back to him. “Will you be my wife?”

“Yes.”

Thirty-Two

Swallowing nervously, I looked down at the business card in my hand for the millionth time, the stock paper soft from how often I’d looked at it in the past ten years.

Hell, just how often I’d looked at it in the past six should’ve made it fall apart by now. Not that I didn’t have it memorized.

I’d finally ended my marriage after being miserable for so long. I’d gotten my yacht, my fancy houses, my career, all the jewelry that I could dream of, and none of it made me happy. Tony and I… never grew. And I never dreamed. Every day was the same, and every day was torture as I realized that I didn’t have the one thing that actually mattered.

The garage in front of me was busy, music blasting and the sound of men shouting to each other as they worked.

Suddenly I felt absolutely ridiculous wearing a Chanel dress and Gucci heels, an Hermés bag on my arm.

BARNES TIRES AND MOTORS was lit up along the top of the shop in bright red letters, though the lights in the ‘r’ of ‘motors’ were out.

I felt like a fool. I had wanted the life I had so desperately that I gave up everything for it. I got the movie star life, my name on billboards and my face on magazines.

But it wasn’t ever enough.

My heels clicked against the blacktop as I slowly made my way towards the front area of the shop, bells clinging above my head to let them know someone was there.

“Can I help you, ma’am?” A man asked as he came around the corner.

He looked so much like Bucky, it punched the air straight from my lungs.

“H-Hi. I’m looking for James Barnes. Is he here?” I asked after a long moment of hesitation. There was no way that the man was Bucky, but I didn’t doubt he was related.

The man raised his brows, wiping his hands on a rag. “My son’s in the shop. I’ll take you to him.” His full head of hair was white, his thick facial hair matching. Even with all the wrinkles on his face, he was a handsome man. Holding open the door for me, he led me into the loud shop, some eighties rock song blasting over the speakers.

I couldn’t help but smile as ‘Rock You Like a Hurricane’ by Scorpions came on. It was one of Bucky’s favorites back when we worked in the diner together.

“BUCK! YOU GOT A VISITOR!” The man shouted, causing several people to look our way.

My cheeks felt hot as I avoided their gaze, hoping they wouldn’t recognize me. I didn’t want to be a famous movie star anymore, a celebrity that had to beg for scraps of privacy.

My mind went numb, my heart stopping inside my chest as he stepped around a gray Ford Escape another man was working on.

He was even more handsome than he was the last time I saw him.

“Can I help y—” He broke off, his blue eyes going wide when he realized that it was me. “Hi.”

All of a sudden, everything I’d planned to say flew out of my head. All of the eloquent words I’d strung together were gone. And I just proceeded to word vomit.

“Did you know that, uh, when you marry someone you’re not in love with, you won’t… you won’t grow into it?” I asked, my voice shaking. “Um… I married a man who could give me a life I thought I always wanted, and he just… sucked.” Eyes stinging, I fought back against tears. “And I thought that all I ever wanted was the life I have now, was the life movie stars and the Kardashians lived. But… But I hate it. I hated every second I was away from you.” I let out a weak laugh, unable to stop the tears. “I wanted to turn around the second I got on the bus in New Orleans, but my stupid stubborn ass didn’t. I should have. I should’ve gotten off and just run right back to you because I… I love you, James. I always have.”

The garage had gone almost deadly quiet, and my heart sank when I realized Bucky looked almost frozen in shock.

“I know that I shouldn’t have showed up like this,” I scrambled to say. “But I… I’ve been trying to get my divorce finalized for two years and I finally did, and I kept telling myself that once it was done, I’d never hold myself back from what I really want ever again. From who I want. If… If you want me.” My face felt like it was on fire, my hands shaking. I shook my head as I took a step backwards. “What am I thinking? There’s no way you’re not married. I… I’m so so—”

Before I could finish the word ‘sorry,’ Bucky had closed the distance between us, his hands cradling my face so gently. He held me like I was made of fine crystal as he kissed me. He kissed me like his life depended on it, like I was the one source of oxygen.

And I kissed him back just as fiercely. “I love you. I love you so much,” I breathed out in between kisses, unwilling to let him go as my Hermés bag fell into the dust and oil on the concrete below.

Bucky smiled into the kiss, his arm wrapping around my waist to keep me pressed to his chest. “I love you so much, darlin.’ God, I’ve missed you…” His nose nudged against mine as we finally broke for air, both of us breathing heavily.

My knees felt like Jell-O as I held onto him. His grip was the only reason I hadn’t fallen to the ground already.

“I’m sorry I was a dumb twenty-two year old,” I said, snorting as he stole another kiss.

“No… Don’t be sorry,” he insisted, his fingers massaging my scalp as our foreheads pressed together. It was like he was scared to stop touching me, like I would disappear at any second. “You were young… You had to go out and make your own mistakes… I’ve just been waiting for the day you were ready.”

All the years apart melted away and all that remained was the two of us, two souls so intertwined that there was no way to truly separate us.

Our lips were half molded together as I said, “I’m never leaving you again. I promise I swear on everything…”

My heart almost stopped inside my chest as I heard someone clearing their throat, looking to see Bucky’s father staring at us with his arms crossed over his chest. “M-Mr. Barnes, sir…”

He gave a crooked smile that was so reminiscent of Bucky that I couldn’t help but grin back. “The Mrs. will wanna know if you’re staying for dinner.”

“Yeah,” I said as I looked up at Bucky, toying with a strand of his hair. “That sounds perfect.”

Later that night, Bucky and I laid in his bed, a mess of bare limbs as his fingers ran up and down my back soothingly. “What do you want from this life, baby girl?” He asked absentmindedly.

Humming, I traced shapes on his bare chest, sometimes pressing a kiss to where his prosthetic met his shoulder, on the tender scar tissue. “You.”

A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, despite the already mischievous look on his face. “Really? Not even the stars and the moon?” He asked teasingly.

I knew he’d give it to me anyway, give me all that he could. But I was sure now that the only thing I wanted from this life was his love. “Not even the stars and the moon.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes reader insert

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animefreak1145 · 3 years ago

Text

The Brilliance of Break On Through

Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War Mission Break on Through—An Analysis

I have replayed the campaign of COD:BOCW numerous times—too many times truly. Did a whole playthrough where it was Hardened and soon I’m sure I shall do Veteran(something I have never done for any COD game. Not even Hardened.).

All missions have their own unique qualities—parts where the player gets a little rush of adrenaline depending on the kind of mission and how they choose to play it (Nowhere Left to Run just a plain shooting match while Brick in the Wall you can choose to remain stealthy like the good spy you are or go crazy like an eager homicidal maniac).

Even within the safehouse, there are plenty of little details to discover if you take the time to look around and observe everyone. Or, everything. (The radio if turned to a Russian station/correspondence, Adler changes it back immediately before Da Nang mission. Watching Park’s body language, as you talk to Adler and she periodically looks over to you two. Adler suspicious when you go to the Red Room or the locked room with the arcade. The T.V. being turned on in the Red Room)

But the amount of details, details, in the mission Break on Through is outstanding. I have played this mission more than any other due to me wishing to look at all the details. There’s so many, I think I may miss some. And I can’t show them off all to you cause I suck at creating gifs and don’t know how to transfer that from Xbox to my phone.

To lighten it up a bit, I won’t focus on the four different scenarios you go through—at least not each one. That would take too long and I do not have gifs/pics to show it off since Tumblr limits it to ten anyways.

I will, however, try to guide to what parts of the game you all can explore if you choose to do so. As well just how detailed they did this mission.

I am going to start with the different statements Adler says to you throughout all the Scenarios(17, 6, 11, 1). We only go through four in the actual game—but the fact it goes up to 17 or possibly more shows just how far they went in and messed with Bell’s mind.

Now, Adler seems to be a bit bipolar on how he talks to you whether or not you listen to him and all his directions. Either totally blasé and cold to giving you and pumping you up with more MK or meds, or actually a tad concerned and patient as he guides you through.

If You/Bell Stands Still/Does Nothing:

Example 1

“So you did nothing? What were you, in shock?”

He throws the words callously, mocking. As if Bell isn’t confused and lost at what is going on. He even sounds irritated that you might actually be in shock due to these memories that are just fake—not even real. Not like what he has.

Example 2

“What’s wrong with Bell?” -Adler

“I’m not sure. . .” -Park

“I guess we’ll just wait on you to proceed, Bell.”

The contrast is dizzying. He sounds concerned when he asks Park on what could be wrong with you. If he pushed you too far and now you’re just frozen. And, instead of rushing you due to how the fate of half of Europe is at stake, he decides to give you space. Just wait for you and you’ll come out of it soon enough.

He does these sort of reactions numerous times. Jumping from intimidating to the Adler we knew as the player, as Bell—kind and always in your corner that believes in you. He switches tactics based on what he believes will work really—or he just felt really on edge at times and threw the farce that you two were friends out the window.

Other examples include:

Scenario 11–Napalm Strike-in the lab in the room where you were brainwashed

“Christ, what’s happening with them?”-Adler

“A mild seizure. Sims, past me a benzodiazepine.” -Park

Again, concerned. Worried. Almost…at unease?

In the lab—tripped up on drugs. If you run through the tight shrinking hallway back and forth like so(I suck at making gifs, I’m sorry):

“Why is Bell repeating themselves?”

“Bell, stop speaking in circles.”

Now, as others may have suspected, Bell is talking to everyone as they’re stuck in this horrible loop of mental torture. Most likely muttering, hands clenching and arms pulling against the straps of the gurney, moving their head back and forth depending on what they’re seeing. I always saw Bell as muttering quickly in Russian as they go through all of this—their mother tongue where it may comfort them as they’re panicking and speaking to Adler.

It’s just a nice detail showcasing how exactly Adler knows that Bell is on script—Bell saying what they’re seeing and doing and what’s going on. It shows also just how hard they put Bell through the ringer(badum tss. I’ll leave now).

All the details too when the game shows how the drugs they put in Bell affects you. Like so. The hallways appearing long. The lights looking yellow. You feel so fast—look how quick you can run. Run towards the Red Door that Adler so desperately wants and maybe this can stop. Ah, why is it running away from you? What’s going on?

I don’t know about you, but I was so lost and confused at what was going on my first playthrough. For the majority of this mission, the possibility of me being brainwashed didn’t reach the BACK of my mind till probably I actually saw the flashes of scenes about Vietnam and calling Bell a subject. So like right here.

I personally thought that I had a repressed memory or something due to me going through the Vietnam War. That whatever I saw with Perseus, I—or rather Bell—repressed it from our mind due to how violent or horrible what we saw or experienced was. And that Adler suspected and just really wanted to know about it.

I didn’t expect for the man to actually brainwash my character—us—Bell! The game made Adler your mentor, who always defended you from Hudson and believed in your skills very highly. How he and Bell were basically perfect partners when the two of you were together.

It’s amazing—cause I think that’s what the developers were going for. The absolute trust. The loyalty. The denial that ‘maybe Adler is being a little harsh but hey, this is to help Perseus so it’s okay?’ It’s perfect. Because I’m sure that is what Bell actually felt in real time.

Yet, if you go through the total rebellious choice of not listening to Adler, some thing’s make sense. The Rebellious Side shows you way more than if you just listen to Adler like a Dutiful Soldier.

You go through this room if you choose the rebellious route, the T.V.’s automatically turning on the closer you get. Of Vietnam. And now, all those T.V.‘s that turned on by themselves(the Red Room, Lubyanka, Cuba) make sense. You were actually being brainwashed. Poor Bell probably can’t ever have a turned off/broken T.V. again. The trauma.

Said trauma being shown multiple times too. Not just the T.V.‘s. But the absolute terror that Bell felt, before they became Bell, with Adler.

Like do you see this? This terrified me when I saw it at the end of the hallway. I just saw a red shadow in the distance and I legit thought I was about to be chased. Call of Duty became a horror game(I also went through the door to the ground too my first playthrough, so before this I went through zombies and I think my heart was going to jump out my chest) I thought. I didn’t want to get closer. I had to, with each step I see that it’s not a shadow but a body. And than I see the familiar jacket, the sound of whirring in my ears and see it’s Adler’s head being twisted back and forth, side to side, up and down, in a speed that in inhumanely possible.

Makes one wonder if Bell themselves sees Adler as inhumane. Not human. Adler seeming to just be a god in their head. All the Adler shaped rocks/boulders you go through and see. Even one point the V.C. becoming Adler and you killing him over and over and dead bodies of Adler being everywhere.

The man has entered Bell’s head and won’t leave. Just like Adler won’t leave Bell alone.

Heck, there’s one point in my playthroughs of this mission I was by the bridge yet there were parts of the lab by it. I jumped towards it, noticing down below there were different floors of the lab that eventually reach the ground. I jumped to reach the next floor and missed and I died.

And Adler mocked Bell committing suicide.

That was the kicker really that Adler truly is indifferent towards Bell. Like complete disregard. I know it’s fake. We know it’s fake. Adler knows it’s fake—but to Bell, it felt real. That’s the crazy part. All of this—this whole sequence feels real to Bell so each time they die they actually feel it. It’s insane. It’s cruel.

But we all know that Adler isn’t known for his kindness. Still like his character though, he’s layered.

I don’t have the exact quote he said, didn’t wrote it down like the others. I was shook he said it at all.

Moving on to the final details I’m going to talk about.

When you go through the room, I believe this comes out for both rebellious and dutiful, really depends. You see it filled with post it notes, articles, plans, and newspapers. And you see once more just how Bell has been scarred.

I don’t know Russian or German, but I imagine the notes are similar to what the English one’s say. If I’m wrong, please point it out.

There’s also post it notes which I believe is in code as well due to all the numbers—I’m not sure what those could mean since I am no decoding expert.

Poor poor Bell. And with all these pictures and plans—of Adler included—it begs the question that Bell may have been warned about the famous America’s Monster beforehand. Had to have—since Adler is basically Perseus’s adversary due to how stubborn the American man could be. It just adds more to the story, despite Cold War having quite a short campaign, they made it up somewhat with all these details everywhere.

When you finally and actually reach the room.

As you grow closer to the table, to your chair in the conference room while everyone else seems to have their own spots, there’s something I noticed.

There’s glasses. As well as a hat. And it’s Bell’s. Or at least, it used to be. Why else is it on their side of the table? By their chair? I believe it might be reading glasses due to all the decryptions Bell does, whether on paper or through a computer, it’s hard on the eyes. (I’m sure I’m not the only one who noticed this. For look at @second-vtoroy ‘s Bell)

I believe through the brainwashing, Bell might not need glasses anymore. After all, apparently they were a smoker like Adler before too but they took that out of you. What else they changed of Bell? It makes one wonder how far they truly went into molding a person.

Which just adds onto how mind boggling this mission is—this game is. This is my favorite COD game, despite how short it is. The details and choices and interactions with everyone and able to create your own character(albeit it’s very standard and not specific but it’s good enough for me) is AMAZING. I’ve always been a sucker for RPG’s and able to get that even a little in a COD game? Truly wonderful.

I couldn’t touch on everything because it would’ve gotten long, but the fun of the Break on Through mission never gets old. It’s genius multiple ways you can do it. All the details. The feelings you feel as a player as you go through it.

They truly did a unique job with this and I hope they continue with this type of game storytelling. Hopefully longer as well.

Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed this rant basically!

Gifs made by me and used the video down below to help.

https://youtu.be/t6QkmkGGHSQ

youtube

#russell adler #call of duty #cod #black ops cold war #call of duty cold war #cod cold war #cod bell #cod analysis #cod:bocw #call of duty analysis #bell call of duty #Adler and Bell #Cold War

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forcebook · 2 years ago

Note

Took a break but we’re back in it! Let’s go Triage eps 10-11:

Gosh Tol is so moved finding Tin’s little time loop notes and glimpsing what he’s been through to try and save everything. What would you even do in the face of such levels of caring? (Well Tol is off to a good start, now he’s the one pulling up Tin’s covers while he’s asleep 🥰)

Can’t believe evil gopher really just went “Professor I have a shift at work so I don’t have time to destroy the organ trafficking evidence”

Wow, Tin seems to already be doing a premature victory lap and has transitioned to at-ease-lovey-dovey mode, with the hugs and the compliments and the adorable hand-kissing pinky promises.

Gap holding firm possession of the braincell: Hey Doi sucks and is a lying evil gopher, let’s maybe not trust him?

I really gotta wonder what Sing’s life has been like that he’s so stunningly chill and clearheaded about both taking down the secret organ trafficking ring and escaping getting tied up to be executed by said organ trafficking ring.

Sing and Gap perfectly silently coordinating to utterly beat evil gopher’s ass is a top 10 moment of the entire show easily.

OH GOD

AAAHH and now all his friends have to operate on Tin to try and save him I was JUST SAYING how Sing seems crazy unflappable and now here he is panicking because his best friend is DYING

NO NOT TIME OF DEATH 10:55 PM

Tol: Death is a lie and time travel is real. I’m not leaving this hospital until I find Jinta the angel man to save my boyfriend

All of Tin’s friends: Hey buddy we got a nice padded room you can investigate

And always when we need him most, Jinta the angel man appears!

This is the most emotionally fraught “Previously on...” there’s been yet.

Jinta just be throwing his boys headfirst into the deep end. He’s gonna help, that’s a given cause he’s the best, but like hell he’s not gonna fuck with them first.

Woah, so the super bad fight Mai had with Heart actually played out as a super bad fight she had with Tol before! Hot dang I love time loop shenanigans.

Eeyyyyy, so THIS is the Tol that came to visit severely sleep deprived Tin!

He’s rewinding all the loops and now he’s in his own loop! God this rules.

I love it. Tol manages to fix ALL his own personal stuff in like 5 minutes (even Lukpair and Win chill out!) and then he’s just like “Now how do I fix whatever the hell is going on with that hospital?”

Awww, Tin came to psychically visit Tol like Tol did for him in the waiting room! (maybe the reason Jinta’s so annoyed is that when he’s not advising here he’s stuck with Tin’s ascended spirit making goo goo eyes as they watch Tol flail about in this loop)

It wouldn’t function as a loop trial if there wasn’t a challenge, especially when Tol wasn’t supposed to have one in the first place, so of course it’s a loop with elements completely different than what came before and he only gets the one try as an exception. And no version of Tol has ever had to face a Tin that didn’t care at least a little bit about him and now he has to face a Tin that barely cares about ANYTHING. This is DELICIOUS.

YES Mai! Transfer your mother! Rub it in their stupid little faces as you get her away from here! (Mai deserves more than anyone to punch evil professor and gopher in the face, but this is an acceptable substitute)

Pfft, Sing is such a sappy needy boyfriend. Makes sense that in moving everything a bit to the left this loop shifted him and Gap together, they were like the barest nudge away from it in all the previous ones.

YAY!! i’m glad you’re back!!! 🥳🥳🥳

right!! tin adores tol so much and tol deserves to know and feel that and it’s sure an overwhelming thing but so good!! 🥹🥹🥹

lmaoooo priorities ig

THE HAND KISS TOOK ME OUT 😩😩😩 so soft!! pls

and gap was right!!!

sing: these manmade horrors are unknown to YOU, i know them all

SINGGAP POWER BATTLE COUPLE AKDKSKDKKS we didn’t know we needed that until we got it

*war flashbacks* don’t even start me on tin’s death. i almost lost my mind lmaoo 💀💀💀

poor tol 😭😭😭😭😭😭 he almost lost his mind too 😭😭😭😭😭😭 but thank GOD jinta is here to help the helpless queers 🥳🥳🥳🥳

yeah, they gotta suffer first lmaoo

i love time loop shenanigans as well!! and it’s so well done in this show!!!

literally!! godddd tin and tol love each other so much they find ways to visit each other even in death and different loops and forgetfulness. like come on, jinta. i know they’re messy men but they’re clearly in love!!!

YASSSSSSS!! i love that tin and tol switch roles at the end. that it’s tol’s turn to save tin after everything. feels more balanced!! it’s not just tin doing everything!! WORK BITCH

i agree. mai should even be allowed to kill them

exactly aldkskdkks all singgap needed was a tiny nudge. they’re such lovely boyfriends 🥹🥹🥹

glad you’re still enjoying the show ❤️💙

#wastedwastelandme #mj got mail!

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smallraindrops-blog · 3 years ago

Note

Hi, just a heads up my ask is kinda specific and I apologize in advance. Could you do Hypnos x male reader, but the reader is the adopted son of Achilles and Patroclus. He’s usually dazed thinking about when he was alive and dwells on what happened when he was. Hypnos gets really excited when Hades sends for Thanatos to go get him from Elysium (currently stays in elysium with Patroclus) cause that means he gets to see him and watch him train. If you want to reject this, that’s okay, I get it.

Hey anon, sorry for the long wait and no worries about the specification. I actually found it kinda helpful. I just hope i got close to what you were looking for!

Wake me from this dreaming

Word count: 3.8

Hypnos x male! reader

Warning: violence, no kissing, some sexual/romance tension, flashback to death and war. No beta.

Just as quick extra note, this is not how real life ptsd works and any fighting advice is just off of Google, please understand that every thing is fictional.

It was the screaming that you remembered the most.

Achilles hunched over Patroclus' body, broken and bloodied. Screaming an inhuman sound that echoed in your head.

You knew you would carry that sound with you beyond your dying breath.

You should be screaming too you think but all you can do is tightened the hold on your spear.

Someone had to pay.

You thought Elysium was beautiful. Or at least you did whenever you were able to force yourself out of the memories long enough.

Patroclus' voice was usually enough to pull you out. You blinked down at him, "Forgive me, Pa. I didn't hear you."

He waved a hand to the shade that stood before you, their spear at ready. "Another fool seeking glory."

You looked toward the warrior, "I guess I can't ask you to come back another time, can I?"

You stepped forward and Patroclus called out, "Mind your footwork. You were sloppy last time."

Countless Shades had seeked you out for the chance to earn the glory of beating the son of Achilles and Patroclus.

You slammed the bottom of the spear into the ground and walked to the shade without any weapons.

You smirked slightly at the nervous look the shade gave you.

And this fool before you was another thing to take down. And just like all the ones before them, it took a single hit.

You watched dispassionately as the shade fell apart before your eyes. But for a few moments you didn't see the shade but of the every soul you took laid before your vision. And the roaring of a crowd in your ears. You looked down at your fist and you could have sworn you saw it covered in blood.

"Y/n. Y/n." A hand touched your shoulder and you jerked around only to have your wrist caught by Patroclus.

You blinked, before you remembered exactly where you were. "I'm sorry. I-"

"Silence." Patroclus said gently. "Even after all this time?"

You didn't say anything for a moment. "Not all of it." You told him.

Just the worst of it.

Patroclus frowned and looked like he was about to say something when black smoke appeared.

You stared at the god that floated before you.

"Lord Hades had sent for you, Y/N." The god told you. You tried to remember what his name was.

"Why?" You asked.

The god gave you a disapproving glare. Thanatos, you suddenly remembered. You have seen him before...

"Do you need to know why Lord Hades sent for you?"

"Y/N, the god asked you a question." Patroclus shook you carefully. You blinked and pushed the call of the past away.

"A reason would be nice, yes."

"He wishes to speak to you. That is all the reasons you need."

You looked toward Patroclus, "Are you okay with me going?"

"Go. Tell Achilles I expect an explanation soon."

And with that you nodded, "Very well. Take me to Lord Hades."

You weren't sure what to make of the house as Thanatos led you through a hallway. It felt like You were inside a living thing but none of the walls or floors moved.

What you did notice though was another god following behind you just down the end of the hallway. You turned your head around and saw a head full of white curls peeked around the corner, you couldn't quite see their face. A hand stuck out to waved excitedly at you.

You stared, not quite sure what make of the strange being or day you were having.

Thanatos snapped,"Hypnos, I know you have work to do. Leave now."

Hypnos ducked away, only to peek around again after a few seconds.

What an odd creature.

Thanatos opened the wide double door, "This is Lord Hades' private study so mind your manners." He warned as the door closed behind you.

You walked forward to the looming desk in the dark room. It looked just the one you passed with a long line of shades awaiting for Hades to appear.

Achilles stood before it and you could feel his rage coming off of him. When you saw him this angry when you both were alive, it usually meant some people were going to lose their heads. It was a rare sight now to see him almost shaking in rage.

It was all the warning you needed.

Hades looked up from your father and smiled.

It wasn't a kind one.

"Lord Hades, thank you for welcoming me to your home." You glanced over to Achilles, "Father."

You hoped he heard the unspoken words. His blue eyes met your and you almost frowned at the guilt you saw there.

"Now, Achilles, will you explain the situation to your son or shall I?" Hades asked, sounding pleased with himself.

You kept your face blank, not giving away the worries you felt. Achilles took a deep breath before turning to you.

"Lord Hades wants us to make a decision. To keep Patroclus in Elysium, I will be 'retiring' and you will have my current job."

"Or?" You asked. Achilles's mouth tightens, "Or Patroclus will be kicked out of Elysium along with you, and I will not be allowed again to have any contact."

So no decisions, just threats. What did Achilles do to make Lord Hades change the deal?

You looked at Achilles then to Lord Hades. "It would be an honor to serve the house, Lord Hades but may I make a request?"

"Oh? What request is that?" Hades glowered at you but you kept your blank face even if you wanted to personally slam your spear between his eyes.

"My father, Achilles will have his retirement in Elysium along with my other father, Patroclus." You paused, "And the retirement is permanent."

Achilles whipped his head and hissed, "Lad, what do you think you're doing? That was already part of the deal, don't waste it."

"Done." Hades said, "lucky for you, Achilles. Y/N is more like Patroclus, he is able to actually think ahead. You didn't even ask where I was sending you for your retirement. You are both dismissed."

Achilles opened his mouth to argue but you placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him. He glared at you but kept his mouth shut.

"Of course, thank you, lord Hades." You tugged your father to follow you out. As you followed your father down the hallways, you looked over to him.

"Pa is going to be furious." You told him mildly. Achilles just groaned.

You met Hypnos, the odd little creature that followed you around, on the first day of your duty. Even if the first hour was Hypnos just peeking around the corner.

"I've heard of you, even all the way down here." Hypnos told you when he finally found his courage. He was floating but you see the excitement in his body, if he was on his feets, he would be rocking on his heels.

With his curls and his big golden eyes, he reminded you of those too pretty boys that rich politicians would bring along to watch fights while leaving the wives at home.

He leaned forward, his hand resting under his chin. His golden eyes watching your face with a curious look.

"Y/N, the Greek hero who took out monsters in a single strike, was able to hold off Ares and is the son of Achilles and Patroclus. Both great warriors in their own right." He smiled. "Is it true by the way?"

For a moment, all you saw was Ares' mad eyes staring down at you and the taste of blood in your mouth. Everything else had faded away, the sand and screaming of dying men echoed and all you knew is blood and blood and blood and blood -

“Y/N?” Hypnos’ voice, confused and almost too soft, pulled you out.

"Yes. I fought him.” And you said nothing else and stared at the wall. You didn’t realize the memories had taken you for a trip. Normally, only your fathers' voices were able to pull you back.

"You must tell me how!" He filled in your vision, his eyes wide and hopeful.

“No.” You said bluntly. "I'm busy." And you're too attractive for someone so irritating, you thought.

“But-“ Hypnos pouted and you had made yourself look away before you got caught staring at his mouth.

"Hypnos, don't bother him. It is still his first day." Prince Zagreus spoke from behind Hypnos.

Hypnos spun away from you and floated around Zagreus. "Oooh, so how did you die this time? Did a chariot run you over again?"

Zagreus gave a strained smile in greeting. "Forgive Hypnos, I think he forgot his manners when he heard you were joining us in the house."

You shook your head, "It's perfectly fine, your highness." You stared at the prince, the whole reason you were even here was because he looped your father into helping with his runaway attempts.

Zagreus nodded, his face polite but nervous. "Achilles told me I should train with you. That you are actually better at fighting than he is."

"Only in hand to hand combat, otherwise, if you give my father a spear he would win every time." You told him, trying to push away the memories but you could already smell the sharp tang of blood.

"He fought a tribe of centaurs when he was a mere child, Zagreus and he won!" Hypnos gushed, "And he took down Ares!"

You shook your head slightly and the smell of blood went away. Hypnos did it again.

How odd.

Hypnos used Zagreus' head as an armrest much to the latter's displeasure. Zagreus shook him off as he asked, "You killed Ares?"

"No, just knock him out long enough to let my men escape." You left it at that. Ares was more monster than god, and you would rather not revisit those nightmares.

"Zagreus if you like, I can train you later. It would be interesting to see how different our training might be." You said, hoping they would take the hint.

Zagreus nodded, "Of course, I will come find you later."

Zagreus moved to leave but upon seeing that Hypnos wasn't going to leave, grabbed Hypnos' by his cape and pulled him away.

"Come on, Hypnos. I think you do even less work than I do, and I don't even work anymore." Zagreus said pleasantly but an undercurrent of a warning.

You didn't hear Hypnos' response beyond an offended gasp.

You shook your head, no wonder Achilles only wanted quiet when he came to see you and Patroclus.

Of course when it was time for Zagreus' training with you, Hypnos followed along. You thought about kicking him out but knew he would sneak back in later. You know because this wasn't the first time you trained Zagreus and nothing else seemed to work.

Also for some reason, this god ended up being a grounding point for you. You didn't want to admit it but it made being in the house bearable and not a daily fight to stay in the presence. Not that you needed his help.

You pointed toward Zagreus to the middle of the room and turned to Hypnos who beamed up at you. "You. Corner. If I hear one peek from you…" You warned.

Hypnos held his hands and floated silently to the corner. You ignored how Hypnos' eyes followed you around the room. Hypnos wasn't the first fan boy you had and as long you don't feed the attention seeking, he will get bored sooner or later.

Zagreus was a good student. Mostly. But you could tell your father was more careful with him than he was with you.

You shook your head and held up an open hand, "Hit me again."

Zagreus swung a fist into your hand, only to hit the side of your palm. "Alright, step back."

You crossed your arms, "You need to be more intentional in your hits. You're creating more work for yourself. And you won't always have that sword on you."

Zagreus frowned, "I'm fighting monsters down there, not humans. If I don't have a weapon, they're not going down."

"Like I said you won't always have a weapon in you. Lord Hades took away my father, and that was your best tool. What are you going to do if he takes away your weapons and you can't get them back?"

You raised a brow and asked "Are you going to stay down here and obey like a good little boy?"

And you could tell you stuck a nerve at the scowl Zagreus gave you. Hypnos made a mocking sound and Zagreus whipped his head around to glare at Hypnos.

You mentally sighed, your father got soft over the years. Just for arguing back, Achilles would have You running laps from sunup to sundown while carrying bags of feed.

"Here, let's wrap up with a quick brush up for your next lesson." You said, not bothering to comfort him. The sooner you can break Zagreus out of your father's soft training, the better. "Do you know all the weak points of a body?"

Before Zagreus could respond, Hypnos butted in. "Oooh, I do! Eyes and groin!"

You took a breath when suddenly an idea came to you. You turned to the god, "Hypnos, since you're so eager, come on over here."

Hypnos looked at Zagreus who shrugged then back to you. "Okay." He dragged out the word with suspicion in his tone.

"Well?" You asked, keeping your tone friendly with a smile on your face. You waited until Hypnos got close enough to grab his shoulders and forced him to stand on his feet.

You grabbed his face with a hand, squishing his cheeks. He made a squeaky sound and you bit back a smirk. A little humiliation should be enough to get Hypnos to stay away and you can focus on what you came here to do. The only reason you bothered with helping Zagreus was because your father asked you too.

"Pay attention, I expect you to remember this for your next lesson." You told Zagreus.

"Hypnos got two right, but he forgot about the nose and honestly, almost anything you will ever fight will have a weakness here." You tapped Hypnos between his eyes which made him blinked. "Hit here or here if you can get a good upward swing ," you tapped the tip of Hypnos' nose, "With preciseness you won't need much force and you save energy as well."

Next You turned his head toward you and could see the start of a flush. Good, it was working.

You pointed to the area between the ear and jaw, "This won't kill but it will make your opponent dizzy and that could buy the second you need to finish them."

You went on listing other parts of the body for Zagreus and Hypnos obediently went along with it. Moving his arm and lifting a leg up.

"And lastly, the groin like Hypnos said earlier but I doubt I need to go in depth about that area." You finished as you let Hypnos go.

"Got it?" You asked.

"Yes, sir." Zagreus smirked at his friend's misfortune.

`Hypnos just stayed silent, flushed to his hairline.

You were sure you wouldn't see Hypnos for a while but the little god surprised you. Just a day after the training, he seeked you out.

"Achilles didn't teach you how to fight, did he?" Hypnos asked. His dark circles were deeper than normal and you got the feeling he didn't get much rest.

"What makes you say that?" You asked, actually curious about Hypnos' thought process.

"I mean, you're unusually strong and you seem to have, let's say, a more ruthless fighting style than your father does. Not bad, mind you, just different." Hypnos shrugged, "I've seen him train Zagreus. And it's just different."

You thought about bushing him off, but something about how tired he looked made you speak up. "You're right. Kinda. He wasn't my first teacher. I was sold as a child for a fighting ring. And they usually don't let the loser live." You tighten your hold the spear, to ward off the memories.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I couldn't imagine." Hypnos said. "I didn't mean to bring up any bad memories."

You blinked several times, "You didn't."

But the look on Hypnos' face told you he didn't believe you.

Screaming. Inhuman mad screaming.

Patroclus' body broken on the ground and Achilles stared past You even as you tried to talk to him.

You felt like you lost both of your fathers as you trailed behind Achilles on his warpath.

Hands wet with blood and you think you should be screaming too but Patroclus was broken and gone and the screaming never stopped-

"Y/N. Hey, Y/N." Hypnos stood in front of you, his big golden eyes concerned. For a moment, you weren't standing in the East wing with Hypnos.

But a burning city and people running and crying. And Hypnos stood in the middle of it.

What was the little god doing here?

“Y/N!”

You blinked and you were back in the east wing, no smoke or no fire or crying followed.

“Hypnos?” You realized you had a tight grip on Hypnos’ arm as if you wanted to yank him out of the memories.

You let go. “I-i my apologies, Hypnos. I-“

“Wowie, that must have been a bad one huh?” Hypnos didn’t look upset and you frowned at him. “Are you not…?” You trailed off, not sure what to say.

“No.” Hypnos said softly. “I know the story about how you… Died and what happened to your head.” Hypnos waved a hand toward his own head, trying to make his point clear. “I guess what I’m saying is no, I’m not upset or mad or whatever. I just wanna know if you’re okay.”

You said nothing for several moments, looking at Hypnos’s kind face and realized to your great shame exactly how little you understood Hypnos and his intentions.

“Yes, thank you.” You told him softly.

You tapped your foot as you waited on Zagreus to show up. You have been in the house for several months now and Zagreus didn't always show up for training especially since he was getting closer to the surface.

Hypnos floated lazily around the room, waiting for you to look away so he could touch one of the weapons. Normally Skully was here to chase him off but apparently not even Skully wanted to show up.

After a few more minutes and warning Hypnos off on touching the spear, you got tired of waiting for Zagreus.

"Come on, Hypnos I think his highness must be on one of his attempts." You told him.

"Wait, wait or you could train me!" Hypnos circled you. He gave you the puppy dog eyes and you shook your head.

"Please. I've been so good when you're training Zagreus! Just one time." Hypnos begged.

And of course, you gave in.

"Alright. On your feet."

You chuckled at Hypnos' cheering.

Hypnos was… You didn't know what he was. After the day of failed attempts of embarrassment, Hypnos stuck around. He would follow you around like a lost puppy whenever he could.

You knew he was lonely, quietly trying to repair the broken bonds with his family. That he had near encyclopedia knowledge about Greek Heroes and monsters, even about your own fathers'. That he loved sweets but would eat raw honey every time if given the chance.

And the fact that just like your fathers, he was able to pull you back into the now.

He was...

Friend, you think firmly, he had become a friend.

“Can I ask you something? Like super personal?” Hypnos said out of the blue one day. You raised an eyebrow, “I have never known a personal question to stop you before but sure, you can ask me.”

“Why haven’t you drunk from the river Lethe? Wouldn’t it help?” Hypnos said, biting a thumbnail.

Oh. No wonder he was nervous.

“I don’t want to forget. I need to remember as much as I can.” You told him gently. Hypnos tilted his head, confusion on his face.

“If I forget, I won’t be the same person. You can’t forget without losing a part of yourself and I want to keep all of me. The bad and good.” You tried to explain, feeling like you sound like a cheesy philosopher.

“Oh. I think I get it.” Hypnos said. His smile was small but warm. Blood and darkness, you had gotten soft. You couldn’t stop the bust of fondness that your chest and you already looked like a fool so why not go farther?

“Like you, I wouldn’t want to forget you, Hypnos.” You said, a blush forming on your cheeks.

Hypnos blinked as if he didn’t understand what you just said but you saw a blush form on his own cheeks.

“I wouldn’t want to forget you too, Y/N.”

Part two

#hypnos x reader #hades hypnos #requests

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misstyless · 4 years ago

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as someone who shipped sambucky since civil war, I feel like I have to recommend the best pre-tfatws sambucky fics I've read on ao3

double back by flowermasters

Sam gets stuck in a time loop. In 1943.

Things could be worse, but they could certainly be better.

quick time by flowermasters

He’s never bought Sam a drink in any of the other loops—all ten of them, now. Maybe he should’ve tried that earlier.

Companion to double back.

Thanks by TheHedgehogSong

He opens the door to find Sam standing on the other side. "Me and the others are going to watch some movies in the living area if you're interested." Sam says by way of greeting.

"Steve ask you to keep an eye on me?"

"Yep." Sam replies simply. "So if you could come and sit with us it would make my job a lot easier."

"You're so charming." Bucky deadpans and Sam smiles at him.

"Hey when I'm putting on the charm you'll know." Sam says and jerks his head in the direction of the living area. "Come on, otherwise Clint will start the movie without us and if I miss the start I'm going to be pissed." With that Sam walks away. Bucky watches him for a moment before trailing after him – he guesses there's worst ways to spend the day.

Marriage Counseling for the Inept and Oblivious by ToriCeratops

Or: How Steve Rogers likes to play matchmaker for his infuriating best friends.

my love language is annoying the shit out of you by desastrista

There's a lot of nuances of human romance that Vision doesn't understand, but he thinks he can see what is developing between Sam and Bucky. Even if no one else does.

semi-cataclysmic events by wilsonsnest

It took time travel for Steve to figure his shit out, so Bucky doesn’t think he’s doing too bad.

feat. Old!Steve, Cap!Sam and Pining!Bucky

Flesh And Bones by asgardianthot

in a world where people bond with their soulmates through physical pain, living in the same compound makes the search much easier (or it should, if they weren't so damn stubborn)

When I'm With You (i'm who i want to be) by theappleppielifestyle

Threat, his mind says, but Sam Wilson makes him feel the opposite a threat makes him feel, like he's safer than he has been in seventy years.

Honey, Til I Die You'll Have Me Too by Ithinkwehaveanemergency

Five of Bucky's Friday nights in the months following the battle of Upstate New York.

“You stayed for me?” Sam's voice is a whisper. His eyes are more open and vulnerable than Bucky has ever seen.

“Eh.” Bucky smirks, trying to escape the heaviness of the conversation. “Mostly didn't wanna go back to an era where I wasn't an honorary citizen of Wakanda. God, I love that place .”

three words that became hard to say by suzukiblu

“I wanna step out with Wilson,” Bucky says, audibly traumatized. Steve blinks again, and lowers the shield.

“Uh,” he says. “Come again?”

I just couldn't say it out loud. by ashers_kiss

“Are you flirting with me?”

“Yes?” Bucky tries.

Are you both courting? by daredeviltrash

Gamora and Mantis asks bird boy and metal arm guy if they're dating. hilarity and sad stuff ensues.

farmhouse by Tazmaster

"You know, I think I'd want a farmhouse."

"A what?" Sam turns to look at him, slightly annoyed. This was the first thing Bucky has said in the past hour and a half they've been cramped in this god forsaken car. He had a knack for impulsively voicing his dumb thoughts at the worst times, but whenever you wanted to know what was actually going on in that head of his, he'd never say.

They were staking out the front gate of a large mansion, very much not a farmhouse. It was mind numbingly boring, being stuck in a beetle with absolutely nothing else to do than stare at the gaudy gates of some rich asshole.

"A farmhouse," Bucky repeats nonchalantly, "If we ever get out of this business, or you know, live long enough to retire maybe--- I want a farmhouse. With a lot of animals."

---

Bucky keeps talking about a farmhouse and it drives Sam crazy, that is until he finally asks why.

These Walls are Shakin' with My Heartbeat by Ithinkwehaveanemergency

“Well now I need to know.” Sam rolls his eyes. “Please, enlighten me. Explain why an eighteen year old is so invested in our non-existent sexual relationship.”

“She’s almost twenty. You were at her nineteenth birthday party.” Bucky frowns at Sam, disappointed.

Sam tries to process Shuri's inappropriate suggestion that he should have sex with Bucky, and Bucky won't stop eating his fucking pizza.

6PM/8PM by captainafroelf

Sam gets a call from a world away.

If I'm the Last One Standing, I Would Want to Watch it Burn With You by Ithinkwehaveanemergency

Just before the final fight in Infinity War, Sam and Bucky have a moment.

My canon compliant explanation for why Sam and Bucky are so cozy and content with what happened in Endgame.

Just an illusion by Llixale

Bucky and Sam are back from the Soul stone, unaware that they shared more than the experience of being snapped.

The Simple Life by through_shadows_falling

One year since the Accords, and Steve asks Sam to check up on Bucky in Wakanda. Sam agrees, but the man he finds is the not the man he expected...though that's not exactly a bad thing.

Bucky is a peaceful goat farmer who enjoys the simple life, and who happens to be attractive as hell.

Sam is so freaking screwed.

Takes place between Civil War and Infinity War Part 1.

Alone, With You by cruxcantare

Sam's pretty sure they're dead. Bucky disagrees. But whatever this is, it isn't living.

warm blood (feels good, i can't control it anymore) by notcaycepollard

Sam's just chilling watching TV one evening when Bucky comes in and stares at him silently for a minute or two before sitting down on the couch. He's pretty close to Sam.

Okay, he's really close to Sam. Like, Sam would be using the word 'cuddling' if it wasn't so bizarre.

"What," he says, carefully not looking at Bucky, and Bucky huffs a sigh.

"Steve's not here," he says as if it's obvious. "Don't make it weird. Just- shut up."

Unexpected Houseguest by faeryn

When Sam comes across Bucky in the strangest of places, his first instincts are to run, and to call Steve. He does neither, and in doing so manages to form a strange bond with the Soviet assassin who once tried to kill him. Bucky is broken, a shell of his former self, and Sam wants nothing more than to help return him to himself. But can he maintain a respectable and responsible distance from the man, despite how Bucky draws him in, in order to help him? Or will he falter, and shatter all the progress he has made by giving in to his own desires?

The Multiverse of the Falcon and the Winter Soldier by OhHelloFandoms123

Sam and Bucky find themselves trapped in alternate realities of their lives due to Dr Strange, they have to find out how to get back to their reality.

“How come in every fucking universe we’re married?” Sam said, looking around the place, raising his arms in anger and confusion.

“I’m not sure, maybe it’s trying to tell us something.” Bucky replied, shuffling his feet, looking at the ground.

a couple more fics that I remembered later

#tfatws #sambucky #sambucky fanfiction

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ppersonna · 5 years ago

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waking up in vegas - jjk | m

get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now. that's what you get for waking up in Vegas - waking up in vegas, katy perry

↳ summary- you know what they say. what happens in vegas, stays in vegas. but, what happens when you accidentally marry your brother’s best friend?

↳ rating- explicit/18+/nsfw

↳ pairing- jeon jungkook x reader

↳ word count- 3.1k

↳ genre- fluff, smut, pwp with feels

↳ warnings- penetrative sex, fingering, unprotected sex (be smart friends), cream pies, light dirty talk, jungkook being cute af, slight nipple play

↳ a/n- well. i can’t tell you why i decided to write this, but i did. and it’s cute? i hope you enjoy this! thanks to @taetaewonderland @kookiesjoonies for reading it over and for @ladyartemesia and @xjoonchildx for being the best hype team a lady could ask for. i love uuuU!!!! feel free to hmu if you’d like!

It’s a splitting headache that wakes you up from your near comatose sleep.

Your eyes blink open and you groan when a sliver of light bores into your vision. The curtains are closed but there’s just enough of a crack that the sunlight seeps in directly onto your face.

You roll over in the expansive hotel bed and hold a pillow to your face as you groan out loud.

What happened last night?

All you remember is being with the guys, celebrating your brother Namjoon’s upcoming nuptials by bar-hopping your way down the main strip of Las Vegas.

It all gets pretty blurry from there.

You know you’re in a hotel room and you hope it’s yours. You can’t remember if you made it back to your own room or if you found someone to share the night with. There had been that cute guy at the first bar who bought you a drink. Maybe you’d gone home with him.

You chance a look at the bed and see a human-sized lump next to you, a tiny bit of black hair sticking out.

The black hair was nondescript, and you had no idea who it could be. There surely were a thousand men in the greater Las Vegas area alone with black hair. It could be anyone.

Looking around the room, you notice the decor is like that of your own hotel. But the layout of the room is different. You bite your lip as you notice you’re completely naked as well. You’re in a stranger’s room and nude. Well, at least you’re in the right hotel.

You’re desperate to know who the mystery person under the blankets is, but a war rages within you—should you grab whatever clothes you can find and book it before they wake up? What if your beer goggles were a little too foggy last night? How would you feel if you woke up next to someone 20 years older than you? Or god forbid, younger than you?

A groan comes from the blankets beside you and you panic. You quickly lay back down in bed and pretend to sleep, back turned to the stranger beside you.

“Fuuuuuck,” the voice grumbles as they emerge from the white cotton bunker they huddled under.

Your pulse froze in your veins.

That voice. It was so familiar. It couldn’t be.

You peek an eye out and see the back of a head, unruly black hair sticking out in different directions. The man smacks his lips as he adjusts his eyes to the low light of the bedroom, before he turns and looks in your direction.

You nearly gasp in horror.

Jeon Jungkook stares at you with a dopey grin on his face. He’s shirtless, and you hate how your eyes can’t stop staring at the way his muscles ripple down his back. Even in times of crisis you’re still achingly attracted to him.

Jeon Jungkook is your brother Namjoon’s best friend, soon-to-be best man at his wedding, and your decades long secret crush.

The fact that you’re waking up naked in his bed is equal parts distressing as it is titillating.

“Oh!” He looks startled. “What are you doing here?”

You’ve pulled the sheets up to your chin, covering any inch of exposed skin.

“Uh, I don’t know,” you whisper as you swallow hard. “I was hoping you would know.”

Jungkook sits and squints his eyes, as if he’s trying to directly visualize into the past.

“Did we end up drinking in here last night after we went out?” He asks as he rubs at his messy hair.

He drops his left hand to the bed, then freezes, eyes locked on his fingers.

“Oh, my god.”

You sit up, worried he’s recalled something that you don’t.

He spins his head to look at yours and notices your bare shoulders. His eyes widen and he grabs your arm, reaching for your left hand anxiously.

Before you can open your mouth to question his movements, your eyes follow where his eyesight lands.

A gorgeous, sparkling wedding ring sits on your delicate finger, sparkling in the single strip of sunlight beaming through the windows.

Your throat goes dry. Jungkook lifts his own hand and presents a silver band on his ring finger and you nearly faint.

You’re married.

To Jeon Jungkook.

You got drunkenly married to your childhood crush and your brother’s best friend.

“Namjoon is going to kill me,” he groans. He dramatically falls back onto the pillows and covers his face in shame.

You bite your lip carefully and study the ring on your hand. It’s stunning. It’s the size and shape you’ve always dreamed of having. You can’t help but note the irony of it all. Your dream ring and your dream husband.

Jungkook turns his head to look at you, stares at the soft skin of your bare back.

“Oh, my god, we fucked.” He covers his face with his hands again, muffling his words. You’re grateful that he can’t see your face—can’t see the way your cheeks are flaring bright red.

“I had sex with the girl I’ve been in love with for years and I don’t even remember if I did well or not,” he cries.

Your own head whips to where the boy lies prone on the bed, groaning his sorrows into his palms.

Did Jungkook just admit out loud that he’s been in love with you? Were you hearing that right? You nearly pinch yourself to check and make sure you’re not dreaming. There’s no way. Was there?

“What did you just say?” You question.

He peeks at you through his fingers covering his face, a bashful look on his face.

“Was I good? Did I make you cum? God, please don’t tell me I finished too quickly.”

You shake your head and scoot closer, desperate for confirmation of what he just said.

“Not that, you idiot. I don’t remember either. What did you say before that?”

Jungkook’s cheeks turn pink and you hold back any cooing that’s desperate to claw out of your throat at the sight.

“I uhh,” he stumbles. “I sort of may be a little… into you. Like, a lot.”

He hides his face again with his hands, but his grin gives him away. He’s bashful, and you want to push him off the bed as much as you want to kiss him.

“You fucking asshole!” You laugh as you shove at his arm. “I’ve had a crush on you since I was 6! Ever since Namjoon crushed my Barbie dream house and you helped me fix it.”

He pulls his hands off his face and slaps them down on the bed, eyes wide with surprise.

“Really?!” He asks.

“Yes, you idiot,” you sigh. “Why else would I drunkenly agree to marry you?”

Jungkook sits up and smiles, like a puppy. His arms wrap around you and he pulls you in for a hug. It’s tight, and innocent and you can tell he’s still beaming from ear to ear. It makes you smile as you wrap your arms around his middle and return the enthusiasm.

He pulls back and holds you away from his body with his hands on your shoulders. His eyes are lit and he looks like a kid on Christmas.

“We’re married!” He exclaims.

You can’t help but laugh. “Yes, we are. A little non-traditional but, it worked out in our favor.”

Jungkook slides his hand down to hold your left, bringing it to his lips and kissing the diamond-studded finger gently.

He lets your hands drop, and he smiles at you, silence shrouding the two of you on the king-sized bed. He seems to be taken, deep in pleasant thoughts.

“Wait!” He jerks back to reality. “We fucked. But you don’t remember it, and I don’t remember it.”

You bite your lip, suddenly shy. “Yes?”

“So we can’t even truthfully say we’ve consummated the marriage.” He looks at you as if he expects you to follow his train of thought.

“Kook, I’m hungover. Can you just… spill it?”

He sighs dramatically, but the grin remains.

“Lets fuck? It is our honeymoon, after all.” He winks as he crawls towards you.

The sheet has fallen off his lower body now and your eyes widen at the sight. He’s hard and impressively thick. He’s shameless too, knows you’re staring and doesn’t move to hide it. In fact, he appears to make it more on display as he hovers over you.

“I’ve dreamt of this moment,” he sighs as he approaches you, comes face to face above you.

Jungkook is no longer the silly, playful puppy dog you know and love. His eyes are dark and blown wide, breath heavy and confident. He oozes a raw sensuality that has you squeezing your thighs tight.

“I’ve always wondered what you’d look like underneath me with those big, beautiful eyes of yours,” he breathes as he leans down to pepper your collar with kisses.

“Will you let me make you feel good? Give you a honeymoon you’ll never forget?” He asks, fingers playing with the sheet but never straying further. He’s waiting for you, waiting for your consent or denial.

“Please,” you gasp as his fingers tickle the skin of your decolletage. “I want you.”

Your acceptance is all he needs to hear before he’s pulling down the stark white sheet from your chest and exposing your breasts. He licks his lips as he stares at you, and your body warms under his gaze.

“Fuck, you really looked like this under your clothes? All this time?” He asks, his voice turning needy and whiny. “No wonder Namjoon kept you under lock and key.”

You huff lightly. “Can we not talk about my brother during sex?”

Jungkook chuckles and nods, before bringing a finger up to pinch and tug at a nipple. It makes you both moan, and the bud hardens beneath his touch.

“Fuck,” he repeats. He seems to be stuck on a constant loop of surprise. He seems just as dazed as you—unsure if this is real but unwilling to wake up if it’s not.

His cock hardens even more—you can feel it through the cotton sheet on your thighs and you’re desperate to touch him. As he lowers his mouth to suck your nipple into his mouth, you push the remaining bits of sheets and mused blankets off your body and reach for his cock with a groan.

Jungkook inhales sharply around your nipple as he feels your warm hand grip him. It makes his cock twitch in your grasp and he sucks harder to compensate.

Your back arches with the force of his suction, and your hand strokes his length languidly. He nearly whines onto your breast, before he pops off and lifts his head—eyes closed and mouth dropped open in bliss.

“S-shit, your hand feels so fucking good,” he whispers through gritted teeth.

“Imagine how my pussy will feel,” you counter.

Jungkook drops his head onto your breast at your words.

“You’re gonna kill me with that dirty mouth.”

“That’s the plan.” Your hands tug at his black locks until his lips meet yours, meshing them in a deep and passionate kiss.

His hand slides down between your legs, slithers to your heat where he presses two fingers inside you and groans at the wetness there. It makes you gasp and whimper into his mouth as he fucks your relentlessly with his fingers.

“Dirty little girl,” he whispers as he bites your lip and tugs. “Can’t believe you’re mine. This pussy is all mine, now.”

You nod quickly and desperately as your legs fall open even more. The wetness of your channel is squelching around his fingers and Jungkook’s groans muddle with your own in the expansive room. His fingers scissor you open and you’re keening at the stretch.

“Gotta get this tight cunt ready for my cock,” he breathes as he sucks a spot on your neck. You’re sure it’s gonna leave a dark mark, and you thrill at the idea. You want the world to see you’re his—you’re finally his.

“P-Please,” you beg as you feel your body coming closer to the breaking point.

Jungkook growls as he pulls his hand from inside you and shakes his head.

“I want you to cum on my cock.” He lines himself up and rubs the head of his cock up and down the slit.

“You okay without a condom?” He asks, waiting with the bulbous head still catching the slick of your pussy, not quite pushed in fully. “I’m clean.”

You’re whimpering—the feeling of his thickness so close to being inside of you has your mind nearly empty. You nod your consent.

“I’m good too. On the pill.”

It’s all the boy needs to finally push his length into you. His head throws back in bliss as he feels your tight walls accept him. You wrap your legs around his waist to encourage him deeper, pulling him in to the hilt.

“A-ah,” he gasps. “You feel so fucking good.” His hands grip your hips as he stills himself for a moment—allows himself a minute to catch his breath and beg his body not to cum too quickly.

“So big,” you whine. “Fuck, Jungkook, baby…”

There’s nothing else to say, no ability to speak as he pulls his length out slowly and slams it back in, knocking all the air in your lungs with it.

“You’re finally all mine,” he grits as he thrusts in and out of you again, as deep as he can. “My fuckin’ dream girl, all mine.”

He finally opens his eyes and watches as your cunt takes each thrust, watches your tits bounce in time with his pistoning hips. He can’t help but travel up to your face, where your mouth opens in silent rapture and you focus your eyes on him—like he’s the only man in the universe. Jungkook has never felt more powerful, more loved. The girl he’s only ever pined over is finally here, finally beneath him, wearing his ring. While he doesn’t remember how it started, he’s sure as hell he will remember how it continues.

You squeak out moans with each harsh thrust, reveling in the way the tip of his cock kisses your cervix and drags against your walls. Feeling him bare—rubbing and hitting each spot that has you gasping for air and seeing new colors, is sending you closer and closer to a screaming finish.

Your hands hold his powerful arms, grip the muscles of his biceps you’ve spent years drooling over. You can’t comprehend that he’s yours now, all yours to touch and feel and fuck. And love. You finally can shower the man with all the love you’ve cultivated for him, and you plan to start now.

“L-love you, Jungkook, fuck! I love you,” You gasp.

His rhythm stutters as he registers your words, and he feels his stomach tighten—your admission bringing him even closer to his climax. His hands grip your hips tighter, knowing he’s sure to leave bruises there.

“G-god, baby,” he grunts as he thrusts into you harder, faster. The sounds of your cunt are music to his ears, the slick juices squelching around his cock. “I’ve always loved you.”

He removes a hand from your hip and rubs your clit with the pad of his thumb, eyes now firmly locked with yours. Your legs fly up to rest on his shoulders and the new position has him hitting you even deeper.

“Cum with me, baby,” he begs as his thumb circles your clit harder, applies more direct pressure. “Wanna see my pretty wife cum on my cock.”

Your spine tingles as it builds and you’re gaping for breath as your orgasm slams into you like a freight train. Your entire body is alight with licking flames and electric shock. Your cunt pulsates wildly around his cock, gripping so tight that Jungkook lasts only a few more thrusts before he’s cumming hard inside you.

Jungkook gasps your name as his cock spills his load inside you, emptying himself completely. Your walls are coaxing him, stroking and encouraging him to spill so deep, as if it can’t get enough of him.

You take nearly a full few minutes before your vision returns to normal and your breathing settles down from the heavy breathing. Your legs are still on Jungkook’s shoulders and his cock still rests deep inside you, softening gently.

“Holy shit,” you whisper with a long exhale.

Jungkook nods and lets out a chuckle. He eases his cock out of you, sighing with pride at the way his thick cum slides out of you with it. He can’t believe that this is him, and that is you. That his cum is what’s decorating the inside of your walls, that he gets to be the one to do it—always.

Jungkook lies beside you and wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you to kiss him sweetly.

“I know we sort of skipped the whole dating part and went right to marriage,” he says sheepishly. “But, I was hoping you’d let me take you to dinner sometime?”

You can’t help but cup his cute cheeks and kiss him again—your heart feels as if it might burst.

He pulls you close, wraps his hands around you to pull you on top of him. His cock is jerking with the need to go again, to be buried inside you once more.

You smile as you straddle him, lining his cock up with your soaked heat before sitting fully and allowing him to enter until he’s completely enveloped. You gasp out his name at the feeling—oversensitive but still not yet satisfied. You sit and marvel at how he feels inside you—you think you could let Jungkook be there forever, as if it’s where he’s meant to be.

A harsh knock pounds on the door, before the clicking noise of the lock moves and allows entrance to the intruder. Jungkook is quick to throw the sheets of your combined bodies, you still straddled and laying on top of him.

“Kook! Have you seen my fucking sister? Where the hell--,” your brother is cut off mid-sentence as he takes in the scene in front of him.

“Uh,” Jungkook blushes. “Hey, new brother-in-law.”

Namjoon quickly averts his eyes and backs away quickly.

“Jesus! Christ!” He complains as he moves out of the field of vision.

“You two get dressed now!” He demands from the hallway. “You have some explaining to do!”

You can’t help but giggle as Jungkook’s features turn stark white with fear. You press a kiss to his lips for reassurance.

“It’s okay, babe,” you whisper as you pat his cheeks.

“And what the fuck do you mean by brother-in-law!?” Namjoon shrieks. “Jeon Jungkook, I’ll fucking kill you!”

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