#I’m spn posting now I guess

[ghostcrypte]

If I could ask the writers/directors anything it would be if the way these two scenes were filmed was on purpose. In terms of similarity I mean - the positions being the same but the roles being flipped, the lighting being the same with it on Sam’s face but shadowing Dean’s, the hands on the face/neck, one of them being covered in blood and looking Out Of ItTM while the other has the expression of someone who knows how deep in absolute shit they are. Not to mention both of these scenes being followed up by one of them summoning a demon to make a deal for the life of the other. This show is insane and I am ILL-

⚠️ NOT w!ncest I will block you ⚠️

[adreamoverlife]

The reason why au!michael had to be the one to possess Dean in season 13 is that if Michael had to possess another vessel Adam would be So Fucking Annoying about it. There’s nothing else on the planet that can make him jealous. Every single step Michael takes in Deans body Adam is waiting there just like “That it? We good? Alright let’s go come on. What, you need an official yes again? Yes, yes, yes, Ja, Sì, Oui, Tak. I would say yes in enochian but I think it would blow out the windows.” And Michael just has to sit there like. “The task is literally not complete yet, me and Dean still have the deal.” And Adam just collapses like a widowed housewife from the Second World War. Power imbalance and graceless human nature be damned, Adams about to pick up a crossbow and kill Lucifer himself just so Michael doesn’t have to spend another minute with Dean. He sees Michael possessing Dean as a punishment on Michael because he thinks Dean is that fucking annoying. Adam the type of guy to write “When will Michael return from the war?” In his journal.

[orpheuscas]

anyway

[seventh-district]

uh oh! it’s Seven’s Dean Winchester Kinnie Hours again!

[tiktaalic]

what is your stance on benny spn. I will respect any answer of yours because you’re a renown spn scholar and I’m here to witness that wisdom but personally. I saw so much #deanbenny in 2021. involuntarily. that I developed reflexes. now even when purgatory is brought up I am like #yay :D but #Not yay :(. because that man is always standing in the corner 😔

I LOVE Benny because to me he is just another vessel through which destiel moves. I think it’s awesome that he doesn’t like cas. I think it’s awesome that Dean cares about benny but gets really abrupt with him when he’s like man idk about this cas thing. I think about Dean/benny zero percent of the time. I think about purgatory love triangle alllllllllll the time. Kind of the precursor to Crowley in that cas is sitting in the corner simmering with rage and benny’s like cranky cause I fucked your man aren’t you. And then Dean is like cas you’re the only thing I have faith in I would stay in purgatory a thousand years to find you if that’s what it took I won’t leave without you I would rather have all of us die including benny fighting to find you a way out than live without you. Alright guys (cas and benny) let’s roll out. I also find it a loooooot of fun to think about. Pre finding cas Dean and benny are hooking up. Obviously. And then post finding cas benny like. Laying a discreet opportunity to hook up at deans feet while Dean completely avoids his gaze and is like cas how you doing after that attack earlier? I loveeeee thinking about Benny’s Thoughts On The Issues (destiel). Like. You find this guy deadset on getting an angel (more powerful than him) (avoiding him) out of purgatory and you’re like. Okay. I guess they’re friends. And then you start hooking up with this guy which raises questions about the angel’s friend status and Dean is like. One. No. Two. Shut the fuck up. Three. Yeah we can still have sex tonight. Friends with benefits with a guy who is making you go on a rescue mission for the guy he refuses to admit he’s in love with is a really funny position to be in. Especially once the guy he’s in love with gets there and spends his time trying to kill you with his mind

[justwhisperingfantasies]

Memories Part 2

Characters: Dean Winchester x Female Reader, Sam Winchester, Castiel. Mick Davies. Mention of other SPN characters.

Warnings: memory wipe, language, angst, cute dean, fluff, not exactly cannon, implied smut, gun being pulled.

A/N: This is a continuation of my first-ever fic post. Please go easy on me. Hope you enjoy

Summary: You've had your memory wiped and sent off to your death. Sam, Dean, and Cas save you just before it is too late. the guys struggle with being strangers to you after all the years you have shared. You are forced into a life-altering dilemma.

Word count: 4,105 words

************************************************************************

Your stomach twisted. “Are you serious?” Why would I not want all my memories back? 

“Don't look at me like that. This life is hard. You could have a clean cut right now.” His face turned glum as he grabbed your hand and interlaced your fingers“ You've been through a lot of shit. No one would judge you if you did choose not to.” You heard his phone vibrating in his pocket. He took it out and answered. “Yeah. Alright. Give me a minute.” He tapped the phone and put it in his back pocket, not taking his eyes away from yours. 

You could see the extra wetness in his eyes, making another tear roll down your cheek. He wiped it away and pulled you into his arms, your arms automatically wrapped underneath his and around him. You laid your face against his chest. He kissed your forehead and said, “I’m sorry, sweetheart, just worry about getting cleaned up right now. Everything you need should still be in your bathroom. If not, your phone is on the nightstand on the right. Text me, and I'll make sure you get it. The food will probably be done right around the time you get out. Okay?” 

How can he do this with just a hug? It was so peaceful and safe in his arms. You never wanted to let go, but it had been a tough day and you needed a shower. (your fav food) didn't sound too bad, either. You nodded as you slowly pulled back your face. He took your face in his hands, wiping away more tears. “We will figure all this out later, okay?” he kissed your forehead again, and you felt a drop on your face. 

“Okay. I'm sorry” you manage to pull yourself together.

“Don't apologize. We will get it all figured out,” he said as he let his hands fall to his sides and you did the same.” Do you want me to stay here and wait?”

“No, it's ok. Thank you though. For everything.” you smiled 

“Anytime. Call or text if you need me.” he smiled back and then walked out the door closing it behind him.

You sit down on the bed as you try to collect your thoughts. How could you not get your memories back?! However, you did notice when Dean was describing everyone, it was in the past tense. It might be nice just to break away and have a normal life I guess. No monsters, no demons, no insane British people trying to wipe your mind. (y/n) have a nice hot shower get some food and think about this later. You told yourself. You got up and tried to shake it off. 

“Yes hot shower and some food,” you replied out loud to yourself. You walked into the bathroom and it was simple and nice. the same wood panel as the bedroom. White tile walls with black grout line. Decent size shower. The bathtub was probably bigger than most and a white porcelain sink with a black cabinet underneath. Big mirror above it with a black frame. You turned the shower knob all the way over to hot and waited for the water to warm.

************************************************************************

As Dean shut your door he leaned back on it and sighed. What the hell am I going to do if she doesn't want her memories back?! How could l live without her?! Just then his cell phone started vibrating again. “Yeah, I'm coming.” 

He walked back down To the library. 

“Well, it's about time chum?” Mick Davies was sitting at the first table across from Sam and Cas.

“Oh, I'm sorry I made you wait while I had to comfort my girlfriend that has had her memory wiped twice, almost killed, and kinda freaking out right now. I feel so bad for you.” Dean said raising his voice some. 

“Dean, I know. okay? That's why I called you.” Davies said with guilt in his eyes. “Did you find it?”

“Yes we did,” Sam said as he wheeled Over an older machine. Davies plunged it in and it turned in. 

It started beeping and lights started flickering. 

“Ah, she still works.” He said as he opened a small door below the device. “And there's more than enough of the serum to work. Where's the lovely lass?”

Dean's eyes narrowed “She's upstairs taking a shower.” 

Just then the kitchen buzzer went off. “Shit gotta get that,” Sam said as he hurried to the kitchen. 

“What are we havin'?” Davies asks

“ I don't know what you're having, but We are having (your fav food).” Dean still had an attitude. 

“Dean, let's go see if Sam needs any help.” It was obvious Castiel just wanted to talk to Dean in private. They walked over to the kitchen doorway. Dean looked back, keeping an eye on Mick. 

“ Dean, I don't like them either, but he did just risk his ass to save her. Maybe we should be more welcoming.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “ I'll feed him, but I'm not painting his toenails.” he went over to help Sam.

Cas then rolled His eyes and walked back to the library.

************************************************************************

That shower really hit the spot. You dried off and put your clothes on. You were brushing your hair when you started thinking about Dean. It's nuts how close you felt to him even though he was a stranger at the moment. Thinking over the tour you remember the our rooms thing you could have sworn he said our room. 

Your curiosity got the better of you and you opened the closet. There were women's clothes on the right and men's clothes on the left. You couldn't help yourself. You went to the nightstand on the left And opened the drawer. There was a lore book, a flashlight, a phone charger, a gun, a silver knife, and a box of condoms.  You went to the other nightstand and opened the drawer, you found a pair of glasses, a lore book, a silver knife, a gun, earbuds, hand sanitizer, with a phone sitting on top of the stand. You put on the glasses. Yep, this Was your side you thought as you put them back. You picked the phone up and swiped the screen. A picture of you and Dean showed on the screen. you two were standing By the car again in mid-laugh. It was super cute. You flinched when it started to vibrate. Dean's name came up with an adorable picture of him sleeping. You tapped the Green button. 

“Sup?” you said in a deep voice

“Really? Well, home dawg I was calling to see if you done because the food is ready.” Dean understood your banter so well. 

“Alright, I'm on my way.”

“Lov…’ the call ended.

“ God, I fuckng hate this!” Dean said as he shoved his phone back in his pocket.

“I know Dean.” Sam tried to comfort his brother as he carried the food over the table. “Just let her eat some food and then we can fix this..”

“Well if that's what she wants,” Dean said hoping you wouldn't want to forget him. He walked over to get the plates out.

“Wait what the hell are you talking about?” Sam Demanded

“ Think about it Sammy, she has been through so much pain. She could turn the other cheek and start living a normal life.” He set a plate for each of them on the table. 

“But dean?” 

“It's her choice and we will be happy for her either way!” 

“So you could just let her go?” Sam doubted as he put out everyone's silverware.

“If that's what she wants,” he argued. “Do you need anything else?

“No, that's all. Thanks.” Sam sighed “My money is on her choosing you.”

“GET BACK CASTIEL ITS ONE OF THEM!!” Sam and Dean heard you yell

They looked at each other and then ran for the library.

“(Y/N) PUT THE GUN DOWN!” you looked at Dean. “He is here to help. This is Mick, he's the one who called us and told us where you were. He can restore your memories with that thing.” he pointed at the machine. 

“Don't ya think someone should have mentioned to her I was coming?!” Mick shouted in fear.

“Where the hell did you get a gun?” Dean stormed over to you and held out his hand. You took a couple of steps back. Dean stayed where he was and bounced his hand a few times. 

You looked down at his hand. You still had the gun pointed at Mick. “Ha! not happening! Its mine. It was in my nightstand.” 

“I should have known,” Dean said as he shook his hand. “Come on. We aren't gonna let him hurt you.” he started to step closer.

You stepped back and pointed the gun at Dean. He stopped immediately “How do I know that?! How do I know this isn't a big trick?”

“Really (y/n)?” you could see the tears”s in his eyes. “You saw the pictures. You know I wouldn't let him hurt you.”

“Oh yeah? Then how did they take me the first time?” tears started streaming down your face. You felt so betrayed. You trusted these 3 men and they let one of them in here. You didn't know what to think. You were so confused and couldn't remember anything. Before you saw the British guy everything was fine. It's like he triggered something in you, something you couldn't control. You were angry, panicked, and overwhelmed.

Just then you felt Castiel behind you. He quickly put his fingers to your forehead and you passed out. Dean hurried to help Cas catch you, but he didn't need it. “I got her. I can go lay her in her bed?” Dean nodded as he took the gun out of your hand and put it in the back of his jeans. Castiel disappeared with you in his arms.

“Jesus fucking christ!” Mick said. “Seriously why didn't anyone explain the whole situation to her?!” 

Dean shook his head and hurried for the door.

He made it outside before the tears started falling. He leaned up against the Impala, then slowly slid down the side. What the fuck happened?! Was it just Mick being there? Was it a side effect of the mind-wiping? Did she really not believe he would everything in his power to make sure nobody hurt her? “Then how did they take me the first time?” her voice echoed in his head. It was his fault. If he was a little more cautious or a little less cocky maybe he wouldn't have gotten shot. Maybe she would be better off without him, living a normal life. She wouldn't have to run, wouldn't have to fight, she wouldn't have to hunt. He knew he should let you go. It felt like he couldn't breathe, couldn't move, his heart breaking in his chest as the tears fell. 

************************************************************************

Sam blinked and thought about going after Dean. But decided against it. He’ll want to be alone. So he walked into the kitchen to put the food in the fridge for later. He turned around as he closed the fridge finding Mick standing in the doorway.

“So was she freaked before she saw me?” Mick hesitantly asked.

‘No. She was fine. Even joking.” Sam sighed and then explained everything that he witnessed today. “I don't know what happened after she and Dean went upstairs. I don't know anything about the pictures”

“I'm guessing it was me.”

“No. I mean you probably made it worse, but she said the gun was in her nightstand. So she felt threatened enough to carry it downstairs before she even knew you were here.” 

“I have heard of the mind-wiping having a side effect, but I never seen it in myself.

“Is it temporary?.”

“I don't know. All I heard was side effects. Nothing specific. I'll start checking the inventory list for anything about mind wiping.” Mick didn't know what else to do.

“Hey Mick, If she is experiencing side effects would it even be safe to give her memories back?”

“I'm not sure mate.” he hung his head and walked out.

“Son of a bitch!’ Sam said as he threw one of the pots he had used in the sink.

************************************************************************

You awaken to Cas sitting in a chair beside your bed. You didn't say anything just stared at the ceiling of your room, playing back what just happened in your mind. You remembered everything that happened, everything you said, everything you did. But you could not remember what sent you into such a frenzy. You don't even remember being able to stop. The gun wasn't even loaded, but they didn't know that.

“(y/n)?” 

You shut your eyes and stayed silent.

“Come on (y/n). How are you feeling?” You rolled on your side putting your back toward him and you could feel the tears start. “Please don't ignore me.” he pleaded 

“Cas, I just can't right now okay?” you were so ashamed of what had just happened.

“Okay, But I'm gonna sit here until you can.”

“Why? I just acted like a fool and pulled a gun on innocent people. Why would you want to stay with me?” you started crying.

“Because I care about you. No matter what,” he said as he put his hand on your shoulder for comfort

*********************************************************************

He didn't know how long he had been sitting by the impala. Dean just sat there numb. His eyes were on fire, his head pounding. He needed to move, need to get this the fuck over with. He found the will to get up. It was so quiet in the bunk, peaceful chaos. 

“Dean?” Sam yelled from the library

“Yeah.” Dean's voice cracked. He cleared his throat as he walked into the library. “Whatcha doin'? Where is everyone?”

Sam looked up at his brother he could tell Dean had been crying, but he wouldn't dare say anything about it. “ (y/n) and Cas are still upstairs. Mick and I are reading up on mind wipe lore. He just went to the dungeon for something. He told me he had heard some things about it and you know how the men of letters were.” 

“They documented everything.”

“Exactly. So if we can find anything that can help, maybe there's a spell..’

“Sam.”

Sam continued his thought. “ Or if we can get rid of the side effects somehow.”

“Sam!”  Dean spoke a little louder. Sam stopped and looked at his brother.” I think I need to let her go.”

“Dean, but if we find something. Maybe getting her memories back will help..”

“Sam! Memories or no memories, I have to let her go. The British men of letters did this because of me. She almost got killed because of me. Look at all the shit she has been through because of me. Everything she has lost because of me. And it's just gonna keep happening. I have to do the right thing here. His eyes misted over again. God, they stung so bad, but it was nothing compared to the torment in his chest. he started to walk away.

“Dean, Come on…”

“ I don't wanna hear it Sammy!” he said with a raised voice and continued to walk away.

As he entered his old room he laid the gun on the table and then started to pace. The record player caught his eye. He walked over and put the needle on the record. He couldn't even remember what he had last listened to in here. Bad Medicine starts playing and the memories but his birthday from 2 years ago start rushing back.

(y/n) doing a sexy little strip tease, him holding her up against the wall, round 2 on the side table in the library that nobody ever used. He pushed the needle off making a screeching sound.  

He threw himself on his bed. “God I fucking hate this!”

************************************************************************

You must have cried yourself to sleep. You lay there a few minutes just taking in the quiet. You decide it's time. You roll over and see Castiel sitting in the same chair reading a book. “You're still here?” surprise in your voice.

He closed his book. “I told you I would stay until you are ready to talk.”

“What if I'm not ready yet?”

“Then I'll wait.”  

“Whatcha reading?”

“A journal of a former member of the men of letters.”

“Oh yeah? Anything good?”

“Well, he was one of the members that was experimenting with mind wiping”

“Interesting. Why are you reading it?”

“Because Mick told Sam that he had heard there are side effects of the mind wiping. So Mick, Sam, and I are reading into it.”

“So you guys think my psycho moment was from a side effect?”

“Maybe. I do have another theory.”

“Do tell.”

“You have been through a lot in the last 4 days. And yeah you were nervous after I explained everything to you, but any normal human probably would have had a meltdown way before you did. I do have one question though. You seemed ok with me, Sam, and Dean. Why bring the gun downstairs?”

“I found it on my nightstand. I took it down to clean. The damn thing was filthy. Then saw the British guy and I freaked. I can't explain it. It's like fight or fly kicked in and I chose to fight. And I couldn't stop. I have been questioning why I trust the 3 of you as much as I do. No offense. I heard the Brit and freaked out.”

“No offense taken. It would make total sense for you not to trust us. The British guy is Mick. He is the one who called us and told us where you were. And he ran away from the British Men Of Letters to come help us.”

“Do you think he’ll forgive me?”

“Mick? Well yeah, it's more our fault for not telling you he was coming. You were scared.”

You giggled and shook your head. “No. Dean. I pointed a gun at him and pretty much told him it was his fault I got kidnapped. Which is not what I think at all.”

“You were scared and pissed off, you said things you didn't mean. If anyone knows about that, it's Dean. You guys will be fine. We need to get you some food, I can hear your stomach growling from over here.” you gave him a look of dread. “I promise it will be alright. They've been through far worse. Come on.”

You sighed heavily and got up.

You got to Sam's room before you couldn't take the silence anymore. “So did you find anything good in the journal?”

“Interesting good yes, side effect good not yet.”

“But you don't think it was a side effect?”

“Well no, but if there are side effects, we want to know what they are.”

“But when Mick fixes me we won't have to worry about it anymore.”

“Actually, there's something I want to talk to you about.” he paused at the top of the stairs. “ (y/n) You have been through a great deal of pain in your lifetime. The hunting life isn't great. If you wanted..”

You started walking down the stairs “You don't have to give the clean break, no judgment speak. Dean beat you to it.”

“Oh well, I just wanted you to know all your options.”

“Got it Cas.” he looked like a child that just got yelled at. “I'm sorry I'm just hungry.”

His face lifted. “I know I can hear it.”

As you walk into the library you find Sam and Mick. Sam looks up and smiles at you.

Mick looks a bit weary. “Well, Ello Love. Are you armed?”

You give a slight eye roll. “No. I'm sorry..”

Mick cut you off. “No need for apologies. Not the first time a pretty dame pulled a gun on me.” he smiled.  You smiled back and your stomach growled louder than before.

Sam laughed “Hungry?”

“Starving!”

“Come on,” he said getting up.

“Sam I can…” he gave you a stern look “Keep you company while you make the food.”  you gave him a happy smile.

“What a great idea” he beamed sarcastically

You rolled your eyes and followed him. 

“I saved it. So all we have to do is reheat it. “

“Easy Enough.” you looked around. Dean was nowhere to be found, but you didn't want to come off needy so you didn't ask. 

He chuckled “ He is upstairs in his room.”

“Who?” you tried to play it off. 

“(y/n) “Sam said as you put the food in the oven

“Is he still mad at me?”

He turned around a look of surprise on his face. “He was never mad at you. He's worried about you. He blames himself for all the shit you've been through.”

You raised one eyebrow “ How the hell would any of this be his fault?!”

“Mind wipe right. Dean is a protector. If anything happens to anyone on his watch it's his fault. He's been like that as long as I can remember. Plus he thinks being with him is putting you in harm's way.”

“I’ll be right back.”

Sam laughed “This is the last time I'm making this.”

“I said I'll be right back.” you heard him laugh again as you walked out. 

************************************************************************

Cas waited until you and Sam were gone “Have you guys found anything?”

“Nothing yet, but we keep trying yea?”

“Yes! Are we sure she's experiencing side effects though?” 

“Honestly. I have my doubts. The way Sam explained it seemed like she trusted the 3 of you. He said she was even joking a bit, she only freaked out when she saw me. But if that's the case why did she have the gun before she knew I was here?”

They saw you marching your way through the library.

“Carry on Boys,” you said as you continued. Both looking at you in confusion. 

“Well, she looks mad. Should we be concerned?” Cas asked as they both starred after 

“No gun. She's fine.” Mick sniggered 

“Anyway. We did have a conversation about all that. She said she did trust us. She had been asking herself why all day. Said she didn't know she just did.” cas explained.” and she found the gun in her nightstand. Apparently, it was filthy. She brought it down to clean it.”

“Fucking hell. I doubt it was a side effect. She was probably frightened. Some British institute wipes your brain and sends you to your death, you wake up with strangers, and then one of the British cunts shows up here unannounced. I would probably pull a gun too.”

“I agree.”

************************************************************************

Come on. You can do this. You knocked on Dean’s door. 

“Go away Sam!” he yelled.

You rolled your eyes and pushed the door open. “It's not Sam.”

“Hey (y/n) you feeling any better?” 

“Well, I was until your brother told me that you are blaming yourself for this?! For everything?!”

“Fuckin Sam. It is my fault. You said so yourself.”

“Don't you curse Sam! He was just being honest. I know what I said. It was the heat of the moment. I really don't blame you and I do trust you. ”

“If you trust me so much, why did you have the gun in the first place?”

“I took the damn thing down to clean. It’s not even fucking loaded. I was just scared and I didn't want to go back. I'm sorry I pointed it at you.”

He got up and rushed over to the gun. No bullets. “You pointed an unloaded gun at us?”

“Like I just said I was freaking scared, no one else knew it wasn't loaded.”

He started laughing. 

“Did you really think I would shoot you?”

“In these circumstances? Absolutely.”

Just then his phone started ringing. He put it on speaker. “The food is getting cold again.”

“We’ll be right there Sammy.” he hung up the phone

“I'm not done”

He cocked his eyebrow with a grin. “Well go on then.”

“I'm a hunter with or without you. Judging from the pictures on the dresser and my phone I would rather it be with. You can't blame yourself. Sometimes bad shit happens and there's nothing you can do about it.”  you declared

“You Done?”

“Yes!”

He grabbed you by the waist and pulled you to him. His lips just inches away from yours. 

“Good! Now Let's go get some food.” he smiled.

[crazyw3irdo]

i. keep forgetting this is fictional. like objectively i know it is. but then gottie says something and my immediate reaction is just “god man even if they are ~secretly in a relationship~ it’s still none of your business and you shouldn’t out them or- ah yeah none of these people are real right yeah”

okay im reading an unauthorized fan treatise and im loving it already. just finished the prologue and it’s just. perfectly captured the energy of toxic fandom culture. the absolute speculation… i’ve avoided spoilers and i’ve once again literally only just finished the prologue so idk if this is a running theme or something ppl already talk about one of my favorite details so far is just. how much the fandom (or at least the part we see) ignores anya. like it starts with an article talking about how she’s the star of the show and literally no one talks about her or her character. gottie literally removes her section of the interview. that’s so fucking real. the amount of fandoms i’ve been in that just ignore the girl characters/actors to instead focus on gay romance (that most of the time doesn’t exist) is staggering

[lol-jackles]

Why don’t you admit when you post incorrect info, such as your first statement that CM Production wasn’t one of the producers in Ackles’ new show? It was even listed in multiple articles. People apparently pointed it out and then you do this passive/aggressive dance, downplaying it. Why? Own your oopsies. Also, when someone asks about potential pay for a series, give your educated guess, and then stop. No need to drone on with a word salad about how much all the crew make, and every other cast member down to the PA. The question was just about Jensen. When someone goes on with irrelevant TMI, it comes across like they really don’t know the answer.

By the way, has anyone ever mentioned to you that it’s weird to create an entire tumblr blog about a celebrity that you claim to hate, yet follow so obsessively? SPN is definitely a “unique” fandom to research. I found you, someone named GooB, Patrick, Vinnie and a Kelios. I’m amazed Jensen and Jared don’t have 24 hour security. Just wild. A dissertation could be written on this convoluted fandom.

If you're talking about the IMDB site, Jensen is no longer listed as executive/producer Link.

You know what you need to do now, take your own words and admit that you are wrong and say that CMP/Jensen is not producer on The Countdown.

What passive aggressive dance? I don't dance, I straight up tell you what I think and why I think I'm right. It's me who has to remind you all when my theory doesn't pan out because despite appearances, I'm actually not a prophet.

"when someone asks about potential pay for a series, give your educated guess, and then stop."

Why did that part bother you so much? I'm genuinely curious. My readers know I have difficulties keeping it short but in the 8 years I've had this blog no one has ever demanded me to just "stop" lol. What triggered you?

I never said anything about how much crews and PA's make. Re-read and get back to me when you calmed down. Remember, inhale through the nose and exhale slowly through the mouth. You're welcome.

Interesting, how did you find me? Along with Goob, Patrick (a name he no longer identifies with) and Vinnie and Kelios? From butthurt Destiel shippers and Jensen stans on twitter? No wonder you're so mad and think that lol-jackles blog is All About Jensen when he actually only takes up 18% of my entire blog but you would know that if you bothered to read anything past your obsessive Jensen goggles.

[jennilah]

jenna i just found out right now that you were behind tiny cas and i stg this is blowing my mind. like i’ve read through that blog three times probably. and i didn’t even follow you for spn. but now that i know i’m like oh my god that is literally her art style like what the hell how have i never figured that out before.

anyway you’re awesome and i love your saw posts and i guess i also love your supernatural posts lol. i just wanted to say something because it’s wild to me that i know you’re great now and i love your work but to think that i’ve loved your work for so many years… wild. and i just happened to see the spn tag on your art blog. what a world

ASJKHFJB these are always thee funniest messages to get. and heartwarming in a way bc running the askblog was a source of pride for me and im happy it positively affected some folks ;w;

this is esp hilarious when people go "hey wait a minute" every time i draw something REALLY telling, like more shrunken characters. my fandom sleeper cell, infecting everything i touch

i was just saying the other day that drawing Hoffman as a tiny vampire bat comes from whatever part of my brain used to operate tiny!cas

like those old genes reawaken and im possessed and i want to draw him doing all the same cute things. tell me this isnt the same exact type of stuff just in a different form

anyway THANK YOU!!!

[janicho88]

When It All Falls Apart -Chapter 4

Pairing- Jensen x Padalecki Reader

Word count- 2,648

Warnings-Pregnancy talk (Will last a good chunk of the story) But it's not the reader. Some language. Implied smut. Jensen isn't the best boyfriend. I warned before this started posting it would contain angst, if you need another reminder, here it is. If I missed something let me know!

A/N-A little off canon, SPN ended after 10 years. We still got all the characters in during that time though. Thank you to @writercole and @leigh70 for your help with this. You two are amazing!!

Summary-Y/N Padalecki loved acting on Supernatural.  Working alongside your older brother and your boyfriend, but after ten seasons the guys have chosen to hang up the guns.  Now the three of you are moving on to other projects, but that’s all that needs to change right?  While you have moved to Austin to be closer to your family and boyfriend, Jensen is working elsewhere.  Distance is only the start of your troubles.

Series Masterlist

“You’re back, you’re back, you’re back!!” A small voice screams while climbing on your bed way to early Monday morning.

“I am, and I was sleeping Tom.”

“Wanna come play with me?”

Rolling over you squint at the clock, and almost swear out loud when you see it says 5:15. “Thomas, I love you, but no. I will play with you later, Aunt Y/N had a long weekend and would like a little more sleep.  Why are you even up so early?”

“Scary noises in mommy and daddy’s room.  I called mommy but she didn’t come, do you think they got hurt.?

“No, but they’re going to,” you mutter to yourself.  To your nephew, “how about you lay with me for a bit and I’ll play with you later, after breakfast, okay?”

He huffs out his agreement, and the two of you manage to drift back off to sleep.  Two hours later you are following the little guy down to the kitchen.  No one else is up yet, so you help Tom get his breakfast and pour yourself a glass of juice before sitting down next to him. 

A perky Gen soon makes an appearance.  “Hey, how are you two doing this morning?”

“Aunt Y/N got me breakfast,” Tom answers.

“Oh she did, that was nice of her.”  She turns to you, “thanks for helping him.  I’m surprised he’s up so early, he was trying his best to stay awake until you and Jared got home last night.

“Scary noises woke him up, he came into my room a little after 5.”

“What scared him?”

“From what he said it was you and my brother doing something I don’t even want to think about.  But Tom just thinks someone was getting hurt.”

Her jaw drops at your words, “Oh, snap.  We didn’t mean to wake him up, it's just these dang pregnancy hormones have me all…”

“Nope, nope, nope, there are some things that go on with you and my brother, I don’t need to know about.  At least someone is getting some.”

“What don’t you need to know about your brother,” Jared asks, walking into the kitchen.

“Apparently, we got a little loud this morning and woke Tom.  He in turn went and woke up Y/N.”  She then turns to you, “what did you mean about that last part?  Didn’t you just see Jay?”

“Yeah, but we had separate rooms.  Wasn’t exactly the weekend I was hoping for, but he said he’ll be here this weekend.  So, I’ll be clearing out of your house for the weekend.”

“What are your birthday plans for Saturday?” Gen wonders.

“I don’t know, Jensen didn’t say.  I’ll try and get it out of him later this week.  I’m good with a day hanging out at the house, I don’t need anything special.”

You grab a muffin from the counter as you are leaving the kitchen.  Walking into the living room, you listen for Tom, trying to figure out where he ran off too.  You hear giggling behind the couch and decide to sit down there.

“I came to see if Tom wanted to play, but I guess he isn’t here.”  Next thing you know he is running around from behind the back.  

“I’m right here!”

You spend some time with him before taking a trip to the grocery store for Gen.  Back at the house you spend a little time out by the pool before helping her with dinner.

The three of you are sitting on the patio after eating watching Tom play in the yard, when Jared turns to look at you.

“So what do you think of Ackles’ news?  I think it’s about damn time, I’ve been telling him he should do that for years.”

You turn to your brother in confusion, trying to figure out what he means.  Nothing comes to mind.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“The album.”

“What album?”

It’s Jared's turn to stare.  “Are you just pretending not to know?  You don’t have to, he told us about it at dinner Saturday night.  Dude seems pretty excited about it.”

“Jared, again, what album?”

“You really don’t know?” he asks.

“That’s been established, babe.  Let’s move on to the explanation,” Gen cuts in.

“Ackles is making an album with his buddy Steve Carlson.  They’ve been working out the details and writing over skype calls.  You seriously didn’t know?”

“No, he never said a word.”  Great, you think, one more thing to keep him busy.

“Maybe I wasn’t supposed to tell you, make sure you act surprised alright?”

“Sure.”

The conversation dies down, and you spend a few more minutes watching Tom before you excuse yourself to head to your room.  You don’t even try to reach out to Jensen tonight, what Jared has told you shows you are just moving further down the list of his priorities.

Thursday comes around, and you hadn’t heard from Jensen since you’ve been back.  You have texted him, two you saw were read, another one still hasn’t been.  That evening you give him a call, trying to figure out your weekend plans.

“Hey honey, how’s it going?” you ask when he finally picks up the phone.

“Fine, I’m just walking into my place.  It’s been a long week, the scenes we’re filming this week are something else.”  He goes on to tell you a little more, without giving many spoilers away.  “So what’s up?” he finally turns the conversation back over to you.

“I had a few questions for you.  First one, what time are you flying in?  I’ll come pick you up.”

“You don’t have to drive all the way over there.  I’ve already got it covered.”

“The airport is just half an hour away.”

“I’m not flying into Austin, I’m going to Dallas.”

“Oh.  Stopping to see your parents before coming home?”

“I’m staying in Dallas this weekend.  Mack and Josh want to have a family get together on Sunday, they have been hounding me about coming home this weekend.   I’ve got some meetings on Saturday, and I’m flying back here Sunday night.”

“Oh.”

“Jared said your parents were coming back to Austin Saturday night, so I figured you’d be busy all weekend.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Did you have another question?”

“Nope, not anymore.”

“Okay, I’m filthy and beat, so I’m going to go hop in the shower.  Have a good night.  Love you.”

“Yeah, love you too, Jay.”

That phone call definitely dampened your spirits.  Maybe he was still going to surprise you Saturday, and he didn’t really have any meetings.

Gen takes you out for a mani/pedi on Friday, then out to lunch.  While you are sitting in a quiet corner booth she starts talking about your plans for the next day.

“Any idea what you and Jay are doing tomorrow?”

“No, he said he wasn’t coming to Austin.  He has meetings in Dallas and then is spending time with his parents.  I think he’s just trying to surprise me.”

“I’m sure.  After all the craziness I bet he just wants to do something special for you.”

You smile and nod, hoping she is right, but something in your gut has you wondering.

“Well, we’ll be home all day hanging by the pool if the two of you want to join us.  His pool isn’t open yet, right?”

“No, since he wasn’t going to be around and I was busy and mostly spending time at your place.”

“I didn’t think so.  We can order from your favorite Italian place for dinner.”

“Thanks, I’ll see what tomorrow brings and what he is thinking.”

Your food comes and you discuss some of the plans for Father’s Day on Sunday. 

Saturday morning hits you like an almost four year old tornado.  You are sleeping soundly when your door bursts open and Tom is throwing himself on your bed.

“Happy Birthday, Aunt Y/N!!  Happy Birthday!”

“Thanks, Tom,” you groan, rolling over.

“Thomas Padalecki, didn’t I tell you not to wake her up?” Gen scolds her son from the doorway.

“I’m sorry Y/N, but happy birthday since you’re awake now,” she says, turning to you.

“Thanks Gen, it’s alright I should get moving anyway.”

“Daddy said he’d make breakfast this morning.”

“Is he even awake yet?” you question looking at the clock, surprised when it actually says 7:48.  Tom wasn’t as early as he could be some mornings.

“He’s in the kitchen with his grown up drink.”

You look over at Gen, too sleepy to understand why your brother is drinking this early.

“He’s downstairs with his coffee.”

“That makes more sense then I was thinking.”  Tom rolls off of you so you can crawl out of bed. Throwing a sweatshirt over your pajama top you follow your family downstairs.

“Morning birthday girl,” Jared greets you with a smile.

“Morning, I hear you are cooking breakfast,” you reply, sitting down on a kitchen stool next to Tom.

“I made your favorite, blueberry pancakes and a cup of hot chocolate.  Gen says you need to go all out for birthdays, so she cooked some orange cinnamon rolls.”

“Wow, thanks guys.”

Tom hops down and runs off all of a sudden, you look to the other two in the kitchen, both of them shrugging.  Then you hear his little feet running back.  “I made you a card,” he yells out, as he waves it in front of you.

“You did, thanks buddy.”  

You enjoy a nice breakfast, before going up to shower and get yourself ready for the day.  Throwing on shorts and a tank top, you throw a few makeup things in a bag you might need if you have to dress up later to go out.  After saying your goodbyes you leave for Jensen’s.  Gen is sure to remind you of her offer again.

You pick up a few things around the house, water the plants and go through a few of your things.  Your phone has gone off multiple times with text messages from friends, your parents have called, but no Jensen.  Changing into your bathing suit you go out back to lay in the sun until you hear something.

Your phone rings as you are walking into the house for a cold glass of water, “Hi Donna, how are you?” you greet Jensen’s mom on the other end of the line.

“Happy Birthday, sweetie.  I’m fine, how is your day going?”

“It’s good.  I’m just hanging out at Jensen’s house right now.”

“Are you doing anything special today?”

“I don’t know.  Jensen just told me that he had meetings today, I think he’s hiding his plans.”

“He left this morning, but didn’t tell us what his plans were.  I hope you have a wonderful day. Alan wants to talk to you, I’ll talk to you later.  Love you sweetie, happy birthday again.”

“Thank you Donna!  I’ll talk to you soon, enjoy your weekend.”

Alan gets on the phone next to wish you a happy birthday, you talk to him for a few minutes before wishing him an early happy Father’s Day and saying your goodbyes.

A short time later another call comes through, “Hey,” you answer.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY Y/N!!!” is yelled from the other end of the line.

“Thanks Mack, how are you?”

“I’m good.  Wasn’t sure if you were going to answer, or if you were busy with my brother.  I’m glad I caught you.  How are you doing?”

“I’m okay.  I haven’t seen your brother yet, I’m just hanging out at the house right now.  How is that new husband of yours?”

“He’s good.’

 “Any big summer plans?”

“Not really.  We need to get together soon.  When do you wrap that mini series you’re doing?”

“We finished last week, I’m out of work until Walker starts.”

“Okay, we definitely need to figure something out then.  I won’t keep you.  Have a fabulous birthday, talk soon.  Bye girl.”

“Thanks.  Bye Mack, take care.”

You get off the phone with a smile. You and Mackenzie weren’t too far apart in age, and had always gotten along very well.   

As you are walking back outside, another text comes in.  Looking down, you are quickly disappointed to see it isn’t Jensen.  As long as you have been together, if he isn’t with you in the morning he has always been the first phone call you would receive in the morning. 

Another hour passes and it’s almost 2 o’clock now.  Gen’s name comes across your screen as your phone lights up again.

“Hey, just to see if you know your plans for the night yet.”

“I don't know. He's not here, and I haven’t talked to him today.”  You refuse to call him at this point.

“You haven’t heard anything?  Y/N, come back here and hang out with us.  He can find you when he comes to town, but I don’t want you to be alone.”

“Alright.” 

Grabbing your things, you lock the house back up and make the short drive back to your brother's place.  Jared and Tom are out in the pool when you arrive and Gen is waiting for you in the house.  She gives you a big hug when you walk in.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, peachy.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, there is nothing to discuss.  I’m beginning to think he really did have some meetings today.  I’m not going to call and force him to talk to me.  Besides, if he doesn’t answer, it’s just going to frustrate me more.

You spend the afternoon with them, your parents arrive early in the evening.  Somehow you miss Jared sneaking out to get you a cake and your favorite ice cream.  Dinner is ordered from your favorite Italian restaurant.  You open your present from your parents.  Once Tom goes to bed the adults gather in the living room to watch a movie.

Gen catches you when you are walking out of the living room.  “This is from Jared and I. We got it a few days ago, but I wasn’t sure you would want to open it in front of your parents.”

 Taking the envelope from her, you carefully tear it open.  You laugh when you open it.  Disney princesses are around the number 5 on the front.

“Your brother picked out the card.  I made him put the ones about unicorn farts back.”

That has you snorting, “Sounds like Jared.”

You open the card and a plane ticket falls out, you look up at Gen.

“Jared called Eric last week to see when Jensen might have a lighter filming schedule.  He gave him those dates, it’s next weekend.  We weren’t sure how long you would want to stay, so it’s just four days right now, but you can change your return flight.  I really hope this helps you two straighten everything out.”

“Thank you.  I really hope so too.”

When you are getting ready for bed, your phone dings again.  Checking the notification you see Jared has tagged you in an Instagram post.  It’s a birthday message from him and Gen with some pictures from the day.  You scroll down the home feed and see Jensen also has a new post from today.  It’s not the usual birthday shout out he has done in the past, but a picture of him along with his friend Steve.  The caption underneath says `Good time catching up with an old friend, making big plans.’

That must be a nod to the record Jared had mentioned.  Closing your phone, you lay down and try to fall asleep.  It’s a bit of a struggle. Your mind is racing with many thoughts tonight.  After the last few months, should you really be surprised how today played out?  How is your trip up to Toronto going to go?  Will it help fix your relationship, or be the end?

Thank you for reading!

Chapter 5

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[riverstixxelf]

I love the SPN fandom but honestly it’s so stressful sometimes 😭

For example earlier today I googled “Misha Collins girlfriend” because I heard a rumor that he has a girlfriend, I couldn’t find much besides stuff talking about Vicky so I scrolled down and saw a tumblr post saying something about Misha being attracted to men (which I don’t necessarily disagree with, but I don’t want to tell another person what they are) and women so I clicked on it and it was a huge post (like, a couple paragraphs) talking about some strange things. I don’t remember exactly but at one point the user brought up the “fact” that Misha makes jokes about women and sex?? As in making jokes at the expense of women… and I was like… are we talking about the same Misha here? He DOES make jokes about sex but I don’t recall him ever making jokes at the expense of women. Only thing I can think of is that one story about one of his earlier acting jobs and he didn’t know the “no tongue rule” but that was mostly at the expense of himself. Then I scrolled and found another post that was pretty disturbing…

Someone had screenshotted a regular instagram caption that Jensen posted just talking about how he just got done traveling, he wanted to take a nap, something like that—nothing sexual about the post at all or anything that would suggest that—and someone captioned it with something talking about him and Misha rubbing their [babymakers] together??? I audibly laughed out loud because wtf 😭😭

I don’t want to shame Jenmish shippers (I say Jenmish because Cockles is just a… very interesting name), even though I think it’s the slightest bit strange to be shipping real people… but again I never want to put anyone down for anything because I myself have said some stuff about Jensen and Misha that might suggest something between them.

Another thing is just the amount of hate for various cast members. Mostly the hate I see is for Jared and Misha; J2 fans who hate Misha, Jenmish fans who hate Jared, etc. There’s a lot of love in this fandom but ohmygOD there’s so much hate too. I guess that’s true for any fandom, but it’s so tiring sometimes.

Also, in this fandom, you’ll get hounded for any opinion you have. If you don’t like destiel, you’re homophobic. If you do like destiel, you’re also homophobic for some reason because queer bating or whatever… for the record i’d like to state that I am a proud destiel shipper just fyi. But I see so many people take it to the extreme, make little things into big things or something along those lines. Same thing with cockles shippers I was talking about earlier. I feel like I have a pretty neutral viewpoint on stuff regarding destiel; I see most things how they are, and I make my assumptions based on CANON things. I don’t say “Dean and Cas are definitely fucking”, I say “Dean and Cas love eachother but they cant express it, because Cas wasn’t even sure what love was and Dean’s highest ideal of love is family, which is why he says Cas is like a brother to him”. Now, if you don’t agree with me, guess what… that’s okay! If you don’t think destiel exists, that’s a valid point, and i’m not gonna dox you just because you have a different opinion than me. Because that’s just it, it’s an OPINION.

I could get into Sam haters and Dean haters and stuff… but I’m tired. Actually, you know what, screw it. I WILL GET INTO IT!!!

I’ve had a few experiences with Dean haters especially, and most of the time they just ADORE Sam and thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Let me clarify that I don’t hate Sam- like- at all. Then again, Dean haters who happen to be Sam stans have warped my view on Sam a little, but I won’t let that get in my way of honest judgment.

Sam. has. done. bad. stuff. DEAN. has. done. bad. stuff. Please don’t compare their trauma, they both have their own issues, one isn’t better than the other.

I might be biased because I relate to Dean so much (like a crazy amount it’s not even funny…), but for the millionth time in a row I DO NOT HATE SAM. I saw someone saying how Dean was the cause of almost every single world-ending event that happened in SPN… like honey no. Another person replied to their comment listing all of the world-ending events… and guess what… Sam was the cause of most of them!! Does that make him a hate-worthy character? No!!

I don’t know what point i’m trying to make here. I just think there’s so much in-fighting within the SPN fandom and as much as I love being in the fandom sometimes you just gotta have a break from all the drama. If you made it this far… go outside or something don’t pay attention to me i’m chronically online.

[ananke-xiii]

Maybe if you could feel

All the heartaches I conceal

What does Sam want?

This is a long meta about "Breakdown" s13e11. You've been warned.

Sam Winchester upon hearing that his heart is worth 500k. If you don't find room in your heart to love him now you probably never will.

As I’ve said before, I honestly don’t know how to answer this question. Or maybe I do. We'll see how this post ends. What I do know is that the writers are sure that the heart of the matter for Sam is to be or not to be a hunter.

SPN finale seems to tell us that Sam wants out but does he really? The show makes a big deal out of this hunter vs “normal” life but is this the right question? If I think about it, the hunters’ world is very diverse: Bobby had a house and a yard and he had a very specific way of doing his “business”; Ellen run a bar; Jody and Donna live “normal” lives and have an actual job; those hunters from “Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox” formed a sort of community; Wally from “Stuck in the Middle (With You)" seemed to be a pretty well-adjusted guy; Garth studied to become a dentist and lived his life as a hunter on his own terms. Sure, most of these people have ended up dead or turned monsters so I’m not saying that the hunters’ life is an easy and cushy life. No, it’s high-risk and extremely dangerous (like a lot of “normal” jobs but let’s not go there).

What I am trying to say is that Sam and Dean are more of an exception than the rule. There are, factually, different ways to be hunters that Sam and Dean don’t even consider. Ah, yes. You will say now “yeah, duh, because nobody is as codependent (ugh) as them, that’s what the show is about etc”. Weeeeeeeeeell, the thing is that I don’t think so. I think that their “problem” is being unable to break free from the "John Winchester’s Way of Seeing the World". For John hunting was his new "home" and it was made of motel rooms and diners and bars and so it must be for Sam and Dean. Except, it must not. Even the bunker indirectly comes from him. Because they’re legacy. I mean, by the end of the show I don’t know if Sam considered the bunker his “home” or not but what I’m trying to say is that they took what they were given and never really questioned it. Or, maybe, what I'm really trying to say is that there are infinite ways to build a "home".

In s11 Sam must have been thinking about other ways because we know he was thinking about “settling down” with someone who knew the life. That was good, that was growth. That was imagination. But then Mary happened and then Jack happened and now, all of a sudden, it’s not the two of them anymore: whether they like it or not, they’re building a bigger family, they're creating a "home" together with new people in their lives (with great, oh god, greaaaat difficulty).

In “Breakdown” Wendy is family to Donna, therefore she is family to Sam and Dean too because, according to family’s transitivity, the family of my family is my family.

Growing up, gas stations and nomadic lifestyles.

What I like about Davy Perez’s writing style is that it’s very cinematographic. His ability in visual storytelling surely helps the episodes' directors because they are always shot very beautifully. Now I haven’t watched the movie so I don’t know if the vibes match but “Breakdown” is the title of a movie with Kurt Russel (somebody’s crush is showing hehe) and it’s, like, a thriller with truck drivers or something so he definitely took some inspiration from that movie, I guess. Of course, the title also refers to Sam’s depression. So let’s see what this is about.

Wendy is on a gap year trip (and she hasn’t been ho-) and her abandoned car has been found at the side of a road mainly used by long-haul truckers. She took some time-off before college to go on an adventure (s9 teaches us that usually women on adventures end bad in SPN but let’s move on). We don’t know her motivations but her name is Wendy so I must assume that Perez is telling us that she doesn’t want to grow up or maybe she’s not ready to go to college and wants some time, who knows? What’s important here is that the “Kids Who Don’t Want to Grow Up” theme is established. Since Sam will literally take Wendy’s seat in the torture chamber I must ask: is Sam a Wendy or a Peter Pan? In other words: will he leave Neverland/Hunting and go live a “normal” life or will he stay in “Neverland” and only occasionally visit the “normal” world? Will his children go to Neverland one day? We know Sam must be asking himself these questions because Dean has made them see “Lost Boys” 36 times. So, you know.

If the “Kids Who Don’t Want to Grow Up” theme was not clear Dean refers to Wendy as “Alice in Wonderland”. So this is NOT just about growing up, this is also about the loss of innocence. How does our Wendy lose her innocence? By entering “Mann(y)’ Truck Stop Café”. Oh gosh, this will be about SA. Oh my god, Sam, poor Sam (edit: and poor Wendy, the ep doesn't do her justice and neither did I by not mentioning her here).

What’s interesting about this episode is that we have seen these places countless times in the series: diners, café, bars, gas stations etc. They’re familiar to us. And yet, it suffices that a young girl enters one of these spaces during the evening that all of a sudden we realize how unsettling they can be. Wendy enters the café and it’s full of scary creeps: the cashier, the man sitting at the table, the truck-driver at the counter, the dude at the gas pump. To be honest I can’t possibly recall all of SPN episodes but it’s worth noticing that this shift in perception mainly happens when the protagonist of the episode is a woman. In “Ladies Drink Free” we are told that Claire can “deal” with creepy dudes and in “Alex Annie Alexis Ann” Alex is literally used as bait in bars. The first thing Sam asks Donna when they meet and she tells them about Wendy is “What was she doing out here?”.  What I gather from this question and from what the show is telling me is that “out here” is not a place for young girls and boys. In fact, Luis Fernando is met with the same fate as Wendy. Nosy cashier tells girls to “smile more”. Slimy Pastor Hankey is a fucking predator who flashes girls and kidnaps boys. The truckers on the radio make lewd comments at Dean’s request about Wendy. “Out here” is total shit, men are total shit.

And yet. And yet.

This is Sam and Dean’s world. This is where they grew up: between a motel and a bar. This is “John Winchester’s Way of Seeing the World”. Or was he really seeing? Was he paying attention? Evidently not, otherwise he wouldn’t have left his children leave in such danger. All of a sudden monsters don’t seem so bad. Or.

Or are we obsessing a little bit too much over normalcy and monstrosity? Are we losing our focus?

You see, and don’t quote me on that, but I think “Breakdown” is, again perhaps, the only episode where the show examines how they’re portraying a specific lifestyle, the “out here” lifestyle, the John Winchester’s lifestyle. Let me explain.

Post- November 2nd, John’s way of life is nomadic. He changes towns like he changes his clothes, he moves a lot, he’s always in a car, driving. As I’ve established, this doesn’t have to be a hunter’s life, but it’s John’s. He's found his meaning in it. And it’s Sam’s and Dean’s too. The opposite of a white-picket fence lifestyle is not a hunter’s life but it’s a nomadic one.

Now what is this episode telling us about various nomads? Well, to be honest, very bad things.

The serial killer, The Butterfly, is called this way because of his migration pattern: he seems to move from north to south and vice-versa. Like butterflies (by the way, you know Sam is depressed because a. he would’ve totally known Agent Clegg was full of crap, Sam Winchester knows his serial killers and b. Clegg’s pattern description wasn’t solid. I can’t really tell why but years of listening to true crime podcasts tell me so. The Sam I know and love would’ve called bull on the spot).

Wendy was on her gap year, travelling the country and look where she is now.

People who travel alone are targets.

People who won’t be missed are targets.

All the truckers in this episode are creepy.

The itinerant pastor is a sexual predator.

People who move as a lifestyle or because of their job are not portrayed very well in this episode, are they? They live liminal spaces and liminal spaces are always perceived as monstrous.

But then, a light: Liz. Liz is the truck driver that didn’t stop when Wendy waved for help from the side of the road. She didn’t do it because she was behind schedule. Boom.

All of a sudden we are reminded that these are real people with real jobs, they’re not the actual monsters we’re so quick to compare them with. But also, yeah, some of them act preeeeeeeetty bad.

Guess who is the actual monster? Your regular neighbor. The cashier at the café. And guess who ALSO acts bad: The FBI agent. Sometimes even good people can act badly if they’re desperate or if they have the power to do so. Or if it’s both. Donna, for instance, is a police officer who threatens the slimy pastor by telling him that he will get SAed in the cell. Or people don't help other people because they're on a schedule and if they don't make it on time they might get fired. In other words, the world cannot be contained and divided into perfect categories.

“Out here” there’s violence wherever you are on the spectrum between monsters who must be killed and people who must be saved (the show’s favorite false dichotomy).

So I ask: why, again, is the “white-picket fence” lifestyle treated as a standard for normalcy in this show? Why do nomadic lifestyles feel so threatening? What are they threatening exactly? “John Winchester’s Way of Seeing the World” wasn’t bad per se because he made Sam and Dean move a lot. It was bad because he neglected them, he kept them isolated. Because he treated them as adults and they were not.

The hunter's lifestyle is not about the monsters either. You can hunt monsters and have a house and a mortgage and do your job like Donna. But this doesn’t mean necessarily that you’re in the life. As a matter of fact, everybody is in the life. The only ones who are not in the life are the ones who don't know about the life. When they know about the life, they can pretend they’re not in the life but they are. Doug, for example, decides to pretend he hasn’t seen the truth. I don’t judge him for that, he saw a young man getting his arms severed on a webcam and he was turned into a vampire (another parallel to “Ladies Drink Free”). I can understand why he wants to pretend and go back to his old life. Truth is he never will. He will forever know that monsters are real and that knowing it doesn’t change anything: your neighbor can be a vampire and your colleague can be a serial killer.

The line between what’s the meaning of being human vs being a monster has never been thinner than in this episode. The atmosphere is rather bleak. The episode is not a positive one and it ends on a very negative note.

Wicked hearts, everybody needs food, the dark place.

'If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.'

Perez couldn’t find a better Psalm than this for Sam. It contains Sam in a nutshell. This is a psalm about sin and about prayers which are rather fitting themes for Sam. The Lord won’t hear your prayers if you don’t repent and move away from your sins. One has to be righteous, pure of heart and clean in order to be listened by the Lord. Sam struggles a lot against the concepts of purity and cleanliness. He is, after all, “unclean in the biblical sense”. One of the ways it can be interpreted is that Sam, by drinking demon blood, has violated the biblical law against blood consumption which has made him an abomination and has set him apart from humankind because blood is associated with life and therefore with God. Drinking blood is a sin that has contaminated him and he is, now, contaminated food in return. The "you are what you eat" hypothesis.

But blood represents family, too. A family that, no matter what, Sam seems to be unable to keep. And it’s not just family: everyone they know ends up bad (“I mean, when has knowing us ever worked out for anyone?”). Sam prays but nobody listens because (he thinks) his heart is wicked, dirty, impure. He feels unconnected, detached, separated. In a word, lonely.

While Donna is depressed because of her niece’s disappearance, Sam is facing the fact that Jack’s gone and, with him, his last hope to find his mother. He doesn’t want to help with Donna’s case because he doesn’t want to see. He wants to keep pretending but the wall is already crumbling: he’s not hungry, he doesn’t sleep, he stays in bed, he doesn’t want to “work”. He’s paralleled with Donna because of the huge loss and emptiness inside of his heart but he’s way more similar to Doug. Maybe Donna can live "the life" because she’s a hero but him? He just wants to go home. Neverland is not for him (“I… No. Maybe you all can live this life, but I can’t. I just wanna go home”). The things are two: 1. Doug, darling, there is no life you can get back to. You can pretend but that doesn't make it not-real anymore. 2. There is no “home” for Sam. And I’m not talking about a literal place to go back to, I’m talking about a feeling of “being home”. The dark place is, according to Sam, their lives. A life he has tried to pretend that it didn’t have to be this dark, he has tried to pretend that they could have a “home” but, no matter what, they can’t (although, Sam, heart, you really need to know that Dean actually can have a home and, in fact, has already been building one for years. The good news is that you totally can too, everybody can).

Sam’s heart is so devoid of warmth and nice feelings that’s not the place where the soul lives anymore, it’s just a piece of meat that can be sold on the dark web. How much is Sam Winchester’s heart worth? 500k US dollars. There’s a PRICE for his heart and its price is very high because “Folks, there are many pieces to Sam Winchester… but only one heart”.

I find this scene absolutely brilliant because it’s a very warped form of psychostasia, or the weighing of the soul. First of all, Sam’s not dead but he’s already being judged. Secondly, his heart, the seat of the “ka” (life) has not been weighed on a scale against a feather but it’s been put on auction to the best bidder: in this scenario it doesn’t matter if his heart is pure or wicked, what matters is who wants to pay more for it. In Sam’s world you’re either the food or the eater and Sam’s heart is the main course in this episode. This fits nicely with the myth of ancient Egypt where the soul would get eaten by a deity if the heart is heavier than a feather. I like how Egyptian myths keep popping up this season and how they’re super fitting. In this case, for example, the weighing of the heart is also closely associated with St. Michael who holds a sword and a scale. It’s cool, right? I mean, it’s totally not cool for my poor Sam, but it’s cool how symbols keep symbolling (lol) once you start poking them.

So Sam. Sam’s being sold as food. He’s food just like the people who won’t be missed are food, according to Clegg. Sam’s complicated relationship with food now takes a new, darker turn. When Sam, Dean, Doug and Donna watch poor Luis Fernando getting chopped by Clegg, Sam winces and stops the video. The cashier/vampire laughs at him and mockingly asks him if he’s vegan. I don't think he's vegan but he sure is red meat this episode.

Another thing that I like about this episode is Clegg’s little monologue:

Sam: Why are you doing this? Clegg: Well, ‘cause somebody has to. How many monsters do you think are out there, Sam? You know, if you – you had to guess. Sam: Hundreds. Thousands. Clegg: Add a zero. Actually, add two. See, those freaks that you and your brother chase, those are just the ones that can’t pass. Either because they’re too mean or they’re too stupid, or both. But most monsters… hell, they could be your next-door neighbor. They work a regular job, mow the lawns on a Saturday. And they need to eat, which is where I come in. Sam: So you sell them people. Clegg: I sell them people other people won’t miss. And because I do that, I save lives. If my customers didn’t have me… then all those hungry, hungry hippos would be out there huntin’ and killin’. And you couldn’t stop ‘em. No one could. You should be thanking me.

If we can set aside Clegg’s sadism and capitalistic acumen for a moment we would see that the man does have a point. Let me explain.

It’s worth noticing that Clegg’s pulse on the monsters' world is paradoxically more realistic than Sam’s: there are thousands upon thousands of monsters. As a matter of fact, Sam and Dean only catch the ones that “can’t pass” (another whole essay could be written on this sentence alone), but here, in the real world, a monster can be anybody. And all these monsters need to eat, just like people.

First of all, hold on because this is mind-blowing: what Clegg is telling us is that Dean and Sam’s reality is not the totality of reality, it’s just what THEY experience. In truth, things are waaaaay much different. Once again in the episode I notice a subtle criticism at the brothers myopic, limited view of the world. They’re wasting their hearts away and for what? For nothing. The battle against monsters is a losing battle. The "out of the life" dream is just a dream when you know that monsters buy human meat on the market and it's, like, a totally normal thing that all monsters living "normal" lives know about. Meanwhile Crazy Clegg "out here" is "saving people" because he feeds people to monsters! The paradox is so incredible it’s almost ridiculous. But he’s got a bit of an ego here because the ones whom we should really “thank” are… the people who won’t be missed (sorry for being me for a minute but these are the poor animals of the world that humans horribly torture and happily buy to eat).

Do you understand that this whole Clegg economy is based on the murder of people on the fringe, people who inhabit liminality? People who are lonely? People who have no ties? People without family? And instead of metaphorically feed these people with care and love, they become prey and food so that the world can continue on its pretense that everything is fucking normal. It’s not just Sam who was pretending, it’s not Doug who has just now started pretending. Everything is a big pretense. The truth? Life is a dark place.

Dean: Hey, look, I know you’re in some sort of a— Sam: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, don’t – don’t… You keep saying I’m in a dark place, but I’m not, Dean. Everything I’m saying is the truth. It’s our lives. And I tried to pretend it didn’t have to be. I tried to pretend we could have Mom back and Cas and – and help Jack. But we can’t. This ends one way for us, Dean. It ends bloody. It ends bad.

This is the moment where I should say some inspirational stuff but no, as far as Sam Winchester is concerned, that is the truth. He has started off the season with what we now understand was fake optimism, he failed, okay, but he did try in his own way to support Dean in his grief while he was dealing with his own shit. He saw his brother die and then had to carry the faith for him too (all the while having nobody with whom he could talk about what he was going through). But he carried the weight and things got better cause Cas got back and Dean resurrected with him and then they lost Jack and now Sam has lost his hope to ever see his mother again (his mother who’s in an alternate world with his abuser, the angel that broke.him.down).

What’s more, by the end of the season Sam will indeed end bloody and his personal abuser will stick with him only to make sure to resurrect him and to remind him that their wicked more profound bond will be forever. A banner year for Sam.

So what does Sam want? What everyone wants. Love, people. It’s always about love. And some rest, everybody needs rest to love and be loved.

PS: I cannot know for sure but I know it in my heart that “Under Pressure” was some sort of inspiration for this episode. Its lyrics are literally this episode. And this is how the song ends (I don’t want to end on a sad note):

Can't we give ourselves one more chance?

Why can't we give love that one more chance?

Why can't we give love, give love, give love, give love

Give love, give love, give love, give love?

'Cause love's such an old-fashioned word

And love dares you to care for

The people on the edge of the night

And love dares you to change our way of

Caring about ourselves

This is our last dance

This is our last dance

This is ourselves

Under pressure

Under pressure

Pressure.

[jensenscomedyelbows]

SPN FIC REC FEST #2

kinks/whump

*disclaimer: all Wincest unless otherwise specified*

*assume all recs are rated EXPLICIT*

*and that all participants give AND receive*

(I’m aware this outs me as having a one-track mind that rhymes with Skinfest. I’m okay with that.)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1450051

BRAND SPANKING NEW by lazy_daze and mickeym

Kink: Spanking, Preseries. Teenagers. Dean gets angry and spanks Sam…who likes it.

https://andreth47.livejournal.com/33899.html

THOSE DAMN PINK PANTIES by andreth47

Panty kink. Preseries. Teenagers. Poor Dean. He has to deal with Rhonda Hurley, blue balls, pink panties, and Sam

(this author passed away many years ago now, but LJ has her fic library in Memorial status)

ALL the Wincest andreth47 ever wrote in this journal is FIRE, and it’s all still online

https://destina.livejournal.com/363746.html

HIGHER LEARNING by destina

Kink: Threeway

Wincest with a lucky, lucky OFC

https://archiveofourown.org/works/44594722

SAM WINCHESTER’S POST-BREAKUP CARE PACKAGE COURTESY OF DEAN WINCHESTER by kestra_troi

Kink: Masturbation Size kink :D

As part of a healing process after a breakup (Eileen), Sam jerks off.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/179913

PLAUSIBLE DENIABLE by leonidaslion

Kink: Masturbation, voyeurism, exhibitionism Preseries. Dean finally has some alone time with his dick. Part of a very fucked up story known as the Suite Verse, which is for my fellow freaks out there who enjoy a little Dean sub action and a lot of dom boy!king Sam/end of the world BDSM action.

However, this particular chapter is for my Dean girls who enjoy him jerking off and possibly/probably getting caught. By Sam. There are probably at least a few of us :D

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8723434

TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS by rue37 [archived by sinfuldesire_archivist]

Kink: Masturbation, voyeurism, exhibitionism

This was the very first fic I found when I finally decided to just google Sam and Dean fan fiction, having never in my life read any sort of fan fiction AND not knowing the terms “Wincest” or “slash.” 🥹 You could say it popped my Wincest cherry? I COULD NOT believe my luck. And it was on fanfiction dot net at that time. Season 1, post-Jessica. Sam gives in to temptation at long last. With olive oil. Guess who catches him in the act and won’t leave? Mentions of het, but no in-story het.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/809862

DINNER AND A MOVIE by morgana

Kink: Masturbation, voyeurism, exhibitionism

They jerk off together to porn sometimes in their skanky motel rooms, so what?

https://bewaretheides15.livejournal.com/11663.html

THUS IT IS PROVEN by bewaretheides15

Size kink. They call Sam “Trigger” at school after someone saw him naked in PE class showers. Trigger was the name of Roy Rogers’ famous horse back in the day. Dean CANNOT let go of this fascinating fact. *fic not moved to AO3*

https://britomart-is.livejournal.com/64706.html

THE AIR MOVES TO FILL THE SPACES WHERE MY BODY HAS BEEN by britomart_is

and

https://britomart-is.livejournal.com/90995.html

THE FRIGHTENED INCH BETWEEN OUR SKINS by britomart_is

Kink: Voyeurism, exhibitionism. Classic fics, around 6K words each, from 2008 that more people should read. Unspecified time period, but Dean is at least 21. Multiple OFCs…until there aren’t. Another one that we’re fortunate to still have access to in 2024.

https://archiveofourown.org/series/6437

THE PTHONUS VERSE by leonidaslion

45K words. Kink: BDSM. Let me take you to a gay bar, gay bar 🎵 Sam and Dean go undercover in a leather bar. In eyeliner and sequins and tight leather pants. Sam finds his inner dom, Dean his inner sub, and then they also take turns hurting each other. Mildly, I think? It’s been a looong time since I’ve read this one, so I’m hazy on details, but maybe some knife play? It’s fantastic if that’s your jam, and it’s usually isn’t mine. Like, at all. But this one is a masterpiece.

[stellernorth]

[dashboard simulator of a world without the ghostfacers effect where the true supernatural show is perceived]

🫀waityourrturn Follow

spot the difference stick figure violence and samruby moments

(1 note)

🟪 sparklezzstiel Follow

if i was the mall cop who got kid sam in trouble for stealing nail polish i would have instead helped him steal more nail polish. also i wouldn’t be a cop

(184 notes)

🧪dogsogdog4 Follow

hey i’m finally watched lazarus rising and i cannot see anything when “castiel” enters its just fully white and the static noise is kind of painful tbh lol. is this a my computer problem or what

(7 notes)

🎉 rowenapublicindecancy Follow

(52 notes)

🫐 numberfff000 Follow

you all aren’t taking like medical advice from supernatural right??? the medical advice that has resulted in canonically [checks notes] one (1) instance of blindness due to ingesting rubbing alcohol, two (2) toe amputations and one (1) case of SEPSIS?!

🎪 kevinscriminalrecord Follow

no we aren’t doing that

🌠 mixtapesextape Follow

Sounds like someone hasn't heard about the kitchen accident diy stitches girl from LiveJournal. So weird that the fandom today doesn't know about her, back in the day it was everywhere.

🎪 kevinscriminalrecord Follow

huh???

🧔‍♀️ heritagepostsof-spn Follow

Heritage Post.

(1943 notes)

🥬 fishhooklove Follow

day 1 of asking john winchester to put his cigs out on me

🤟hannahgirl Follow

could you stop

🥬 fishhooklove Follow

oh here come the buzzkills. i bet you thought it was hot when bela did it to dean. but i’m not allowed to express my interests i guess.

(218 notes)

⛸️ mangojuicecas Follow

Um Guys i had this guy i’m seeing over and we were taking. about watching a movie. and. im the most embarrassed i’ve ever been i can barely type this. and i opened my computer and clicked to the netflix tab. and it was paused mid crypt scene blowjob kill meeeee 😭😭😭

🩶 charlierowena2024 Follow

why would you ever stop halfway through. that's like looking at half of starry night then closing your eyes and leaving the museum

(78 notes)

🧑🏻‍🦳s6monster Follow

Uquiz - Which Supernatural scars are you?

I GOT RUBY’S ARM SCARS WAAAH

(3 notes)

👩‍🦰 cleopatralumineersrowena Follow

depeche mode master and servant spn bdsm and fight scene compilation amv we're really in it now

#using lyrics as censor bars is the innovation of the century

(59 notes)

🌂 kansaslawrence Follow

for everyone who said dean slamming his hand in the impala door when he was drunk wouldn't do that to his fingernails i did a similar thing (accidentally, before the show aired) #deancoded loll and it looked basically the same. here are pics of my and his hands afterwards side by side for reference

(482 notes)

🍄 0nth3h34d0f4p1n Follow

Another reason samruby is queercoded is how her spitting blood into his mouth parallels the champagne scene in my beautiful laundrette

(38 notes)

🎃 sammmyspooks Follow

2.16 "this disease pumping through my veins and i can't rip it out or scrub it clean--i've tried; i'm a whole new level of freak" and 8.21 "you used to read to me when i was little i mean really little" etc we all remember sir galahad speech. sooooo how young do you think sam was when he first tried

(739 notes)

🪼 ccoldfridge Follow

just remembered how dean tried his best to ask cas to take a female vessel so they could fuck heterosexually in ftbyam and i nearly passed out in the post office . castielllllll he was saying he wanted to fuck youuu

(63 notes)

🤵 a1waysenduphere Follow

comparing the endverse sam arc to the classic structure of a shakespearean tragedy

part 1: aloneness and exposition

keep reading

(382 notes)

👩 isolationnatural Follow

the way people #coquette #lanadelrey #femaleangst -ify claire's s12 shoplifting eating disorder getting into fights self medicating situation is so so weird and fucked up. we saw stanford era dean do literally exactly all the same shit but with him it's ohhh classic beautiful americana what a tragic figure i understand his emotions have depth and complexity THEY DID ALL THE SAME STUFF maybe think about why you see the situations differently

(294 notes)

🔵 butchruby4femanna Follow

why did i have to see dean naked that many times. just wondering again

(2 notes)

⚡ cassandrasam Follow

ok spn 5x20. so sam's kissing the demon possessing brady out of nostalgia and grief for his dead boyfriend, the demon's kissing back because he knows it will make sam more likely to listen to him, imagine if dean had walked in in that moment

❗greendean Follow

or crowley

(158 notes)

🍇 notgoodnatural Follow

hey everyone. wjsh i could have seen dean naked more times.

(10 notes)

[transfemmesam]

okay i need to complain for a little bit and this is the only blog i have that’s completely safe from the person i’m about to complain about. sorry

okay so this person followed my main a while back and was in my notes constantly. we had a lot of mutual friends so i followed them back only to realize they have some of the WORST spn takes in the world. we basically are fans of two different shows and also they reblog a lot of horribly contradictory political posts like they don’t even read what they’re reblogging BUT by the time i realized this they had already struck up a friendship and now it would be extremely rude to block them out of nowhere.

yesterday i vagued about this scenario without naming names or getting too specific in a server i’m in, which i forgot this person is also in. everyone immediately jumped on the drama and i reassured a different friend that i wasn’t talking about them THEN. AND THEN. the annoying person in question came online and was like omg i’m kinda worried ur talking about me 😅

like. what do i even say to that. yeah i was talking about you and i find you insufferable even though we’ve been friends for months and i wish i’d never followed you back. WHAT THE FUCK!!! so of course i changed the topic (caveat: i wasnt confirming or denying anyone else’s queries to avoid narrowing it down so it didn’t look targeted)

basically i’m pretending to be friends with this person i cant stand and it’s devouring me because we have so many mutual friends i’m probably going to be cast out from the circle if i ever make this public. jesus christ almighty i guess my fate is to live this lie forever

[bloodydeanwinchester]

i’m new to spn fandom and i’m curious as to why everyone hates wincesties so much? i don’t ship it myself but what’s the deal?

hm. i don't even know if it's a good idea for me to answer this because i can't really speak for everyone but i'll give it a shot i guess.

i think it's some combination of ship war and people being very triggered and/or grossed out by the incest. and there's also some people who are really focused on the morality or i guess i should say the immorality of the incest ship who think they're better because their ship isn't bad and wrong like the other ship is (and i will admit i have been one of those people at times in the past).

now besides all of that, the only thing that really bothers me about that ship now (besides yes being a little bit grossed out by it) is that for some reason some of the people who ship it seem to really enjoy seeking out people who disagree with them and either messaging them or adding to their posts with the sole purpose of starting a fight. it happens like a lot and to a lot of different destiel blogs too. it has happened to me several times. i have no idea if this ever happens in reverse (where destiel shippers will message a wincest blog or add to their post unprovoked looking to start a fight) but i have never seen it. j2 shippers do this a lot too (im not sure how much overlap there is between wincest and j2 shippers because i just don't get involved with that side of the fandom at all).

at some point i decided to take a ship and let ship (but please stay out of my house you aren't invited) stance on this. so i block anyone who i come across who ships wincest because 1. i don't love seeing it tagged on my posts and 2. i have no desire to fight with them. ever.

anyway that's just my thoughts on it. im sure there's more to it that i've missed but that's all ive got for you.