#also frustrated bc i want to Create but when i post amvs they get like no notes and like
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anyway
#also frustrated bc i want to Create but when i post amvs they get like no notes and like#doing it for my own enjoyment not external validation yadda yadda but the external validation is still nice yknow#and i’m kind of mourning my old tumblr and ao3 accounts where i had established followings and like a decades worth of fic published#but some irl people knew about the accounts and i wasn’t enjoying the feeling of performing for people i really know and i missed the#total anonymity so here i am#but like. all that stuff was a part of me and i don’t care about the following so much bc it was mostly other fandoms than spn which is my#main thing now but i guess i miss the continuity with my old self?#and now i feel like an imposter bc i talk about writing fic but have nothing posted on my new ao3 and i just want to scream about all#the stuff i’ve written under a different name but no one cares anyway#and i’m afraid to post anything for spn bc my old fandom (stranger things) was smaller (at least when i was actively writing for it like#2019-2021) and anything i post for spn is just gonna get lost in the noise and i Know i don’t need lots of kudos or whatever to enjoy it#but i’ve been feeling so defeated lately i’m worried posting a fic i’ve poured my soul into and getting no response will just. extra suck#and i’m feeling defeated re: making new amvs too bc there’s so many amvs and no one watches them anyway and it’s fun but half the fun is in#the sharing and the feedback and that just doesn’t really happen#anyway i’m aware i’m being a whiny entitled bitch lmao
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