#I’m ready to just be home for a while
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I flew to Chicago for a customer meeting/demo this morning and now I’m back at the airport to fly home 4 hrs later.
My coworker: why’d you bring two bags if you’re only here for a couple hours?
My second bag:
Listen. I read one book on the flight out, I’ll need the second for the flight back. And the third is just in case.
#mylife#I’m ready to just be home for a while#I’m so sick of air travel#but the demo went well!#so that’s good#I do prefer meeting with customers in person
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is anyone still in the mood for a hypmic imagines blog these days lol
#mod rambles#giant ramble incoming ->#the tag seems so..#dead. which makes me sad :(#it’s looking pretty grim for us yumes out there ngl#do the people still yearn for self indulgent romance with their oshis. lol#i am still very much a yume freak. perhaps more so lately. but i never do talk about my own yume ships loll#plus the yume community does not seem.. very pleasant. to say the least#i do kinda want to come back and write here#but not on this account. i’d make a new one#i kinda want to start all over tbh. like a fresh slate#plus it'd kinda force me to try and get back into the groove of writing bc i feel like i've forgotten each and every rule lol#also it's important to have a creative outlet!! even if i most likely do not have the time for one lmao#i do want to provide for the h.ypmic yume community on here though. plus i love to write#even though i'm not caught up on the drama tracks..#idk if i'm emotionally ready for them#yes i did see this is the final drb. i got the news while studying for my final the very next day so suffice to say i was not doing well lo#idk if I’d share the new blog though. but i feel like it’d be p obvious if were me? lol#but i also wouldn’t have the time to write or post so idk.#i have time rn bc I’m on break but#when school starts back up again I’m gonna be packed. esp since I’ll be starting neuro so that’s gonna take all my brain activity (ha)#also will be starting research back up again so that’s a pain#plus. truth be told this year hasn’t been particularly kind to me#i haven’t really been in the mood to write or share it bc of what’s been going on back home#my people are always on my mind all the time#esp my village#🇱🇧❤️#been doing a lot of rambling lately but not a lot of writing. hm#all this to say: i might be coming back but prob with a new blog. lol#i write a lot just to get to the bare basic point (hence the 30 tags)
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damn
#don’t know why me as a non horror/blood/gore/violence/etc fan#decided to start watching y/eIIowjackets alone at home after everyone else is asleep#and also at home which is bigger than my apt obviously lol and where i have my own room#im probably fine like i’m just unsettled by it so it was just an interesting choice LOL#esp like pretty much knowing what i was getting into#anywayyyyy i didn’t know any of ye/IIowjackets was on netfIix#i’ve acc wanted to watch it for a while ever since seeing stuff on tumblr LOLOL#one of the tags of a show i haven’t watched but keep unfiltered bc i don’t mind seeing things from it#so i have been spoiled but i think that helps for me who is relatively not a horror/etc fan lol 😭#idk if this classifies as horror but it does classify as smth i usually would not watch 👍#so why am i watching it idk still LOL it’s rly interesting thooooo#i love making the window super small and also completely blocking the screen except the captions#when shit is going down <3 LOL#anyway time for me to get ready for rotting in bed and continuing reading this h/eartstopper fic#to hopefully not have too bad a time sleeping lololol#me when i did this to myself#jeanne talks
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jing yuan should’ve had an idle that’s him snoozing. i rest my case
#like dozing off while standing and almost falling over yano#moze got one. why can’t he#gallagher also had one where he yawns like cmon#dozing general and one of his idles is him just talking#what language even is that#if it’s a real existing one i am Sorry lads#but it doesn’t sound like that it just sounds like something that could vaguely be chinese but nobody is sure if it is#alejandro saab what did they make you say bruh#anyways#this mf ended up pissing me off more than sunday bc yeah sunday didn’t come home on the first try but shit man it happens#his light cone did tho. GUESS WHO’S LC DIDN’T#yk if they at least gave me a new one. NAAAHHHH they hit me with that bailu one again#for the THIRD FUCKING TIME#i was already ready to crash when the same shit happened with acheron but this? nah#whole house was in danger and they didn’t even know it#whatever. i’m skipping these next few banners#firefly i love u but idc#i gotta protect my pockets#hsr#hsr jing yuan
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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i crave… fluff…
#but do i have the clarity of mind to write it rn…#that’s the real question :’ )#we’ll seeeeee for now i’ll be eating lunch before long and then it’s just a few more hours till i’m home#and i need to be home oof#i think my cold is getting better? but i need to be able to just curl up in bed for a while i think#also i’ll get to messages soon i prommy#i just feel drained still hence why i hesitate to write anything at length uvu#get ready to ramble | ooc
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.
#this vacation was really mid#I’m glad I got myself out of the city#but this place really should be done in a day trip#the food didn’t blow me away but every meal even breakfast was $30+#I spent the whole time going in and out of shops which I guess is fun but I don’t get a sense of place#there wasn’t anything meaty except the art museum#which was great but it took an hour#this proves I really need to plan out vacations I guess#I’m still glad I did it. I got better sleep in that hotel than I have in months at home#and even tho my feet are destroyed the walking was good exercise I guess#I’m so ready to get home and not move for a while#honestly tho I respect the whole ‘reject chain stores’ ethos#but there is literally nowhere to go and just sit down inside without having to buy something#that’s one good thing about Starbucks and caffe Nero.#they’re exploitive chains but unfortunately aside from libraries they’re as close to third spaces as you can get#my desperate quest for somewhere to chill led me to a cafe that I thought was a coffee shop#but that apparently was next door#so I had another $25 meal cause I decided to just go w the flow#ugh#an hour to the ferry#I want to be home
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what’s up with me and plane crashing dreams. perhaps my life long obsession with the show air crash investigations is hitting or smth
#this is the second time in a row#I slept like four hours but i still managed to dream something#and I dreamed all of this between this post and my last reblog.#basically it all started that I was reading a post (idk if it was Twitter) of a woman saying that she had to wait for 3 hours on a airplane#for the bathroom to free and she had to stay awake the entire time#and a moment later I was on that plane too. watching her. I was about to return to my seat (I think). also i was in first class. the only#way I’ll ever experience it) but OUT OF THE NOWHERE my last year surpervisor for an expo and her husband (which I saw once a picture) stand#up. and she starts screaming something about “something sweet coming for women”…? I have no idea what that means. but all the women/girls#on the airplane stand up (they were all sleeping before) and start to crowd in front of me and i start to feel like we are going down. DOWN.#and we were in fact. going down. crashing. and I was scared as hell so while everyone was laughing/celebrating (???) I was screaming of#horror. but just before we crash I wake up and I’m in my bed (but I know I’m still dreaming. because it’s like a slow downloading of the#image). I wake up and I decided I’m late for school (which i don’t have) and I get ready quickly and I march in full force to the bus statio#then I realize there is no school and I’m outside at 5am. I found a supermarket cart and idk why but I take it with me and only when I get#home I realize that the supermarket is nowhere close to my house (like irl) and now I have a freacking shipping cart and I decided to park#it in my garage#and then my mom woke me up as my alarm for 7am went off.#I feel like by brain has been fucked. I’m not used anymore to sleeping poorly because I’ve taken a great interest in better sleeping since#last year and I can’t stand this now ugh.#good morning people tho#dream
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girl you're in danger bc he's got a name now and it's cyrillo de bortoli
#i've been wanting to make a vampire character for a while so :) i did :)#and i combined that with the idea i had before in which!! he's the guy who made bronwyn a valravn!!#and he'll absolutely join rin and the free army and he and bronwyn are gonna meet and bronwyn is gonna have a cow ASDFG#cyrillo is just :D why're you lookin' like you wanna kill me :D while bronwyn exudes bloodlust and oh i didn't actually think this part out#IT'S GONNA BE INTERESTING TO SAY THE LEAST OH DEAR#anyway!! i'll talk more about him and his whole deal later and get him added to the blog sometime this week#also vampire lore for this particular universe hehe#i’m on the way home but i’m stopping by the store first so!! i’ll see y’all in a bit 💜#get ready to ramble | ooc
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😂
#really wanna start a TikTok where I review products or whatever#but I get super duper high before I make the video 😂😂😂😂😂😂#I bought this idk face slimmer thing#and I decided to put it on while I was getting ready for bed#once I looked in the mirror I put my face back to like force myself to have a double chin#and idk what I even looked like#a fucking thumb?#one of those thumb dudes from spy kids?????#closest thing I could think of#and bro I BURSTED out laughing#probably woke my parents up lmaoooooo#just got home from a little smoke sesh with a friend and I’m a little toasted 😇#hope you guys are having a lovely day/night 🥰🥰🥰#shut up rosie
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I fucking can’t today
#Im tired and overwhelmed and I’m so sick of being the only responsible person in my house#I can’t even do my fucking school work because my dog needs food made everyday and my mom said she would start it#so I could finish my math test#then 20 mins later my brothers banging in my door bc my dog needs to go out so I have to stop my test to do that#then I see the dog food hasn’t been started so I need to do that but I have to do the dishes to make that#so I do the dishes then I’m doing the food and my brothers getting food and getting in my way bc he just can’t wait 30 mins#and he leave shit all over the counter that I need so I have to clean up after him while making dog food#then I finally finish the dog food and I’m cleaning the dishes I used when my brother comes over and leaves more dirty dishes#one had shrimp in it and the butters all gross and the smell alone made me want to vomit but I had to clean it#and I’m almost done when my sister comes out and sad that my cat got in my room and killed one of my plants n got dirt everywhere#Plus my dad came home early so now my mom wants me to vacuum#oh and I have to go to the store with her whenever she decided she’s ready to make sure she gets what we need#I’m currently sitting in my bathroom trying to calm down because I’m gonna snap and either kill someone else or myself if I don’t get a#break#And I still need to finish my math test#screaming
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I literally do not know this strange blonde woman. no fucking CLUE
#me#THIS IS SO WEIRDDDDDDDDDDDD#but I’m obsessed ……#I think I’ll keep it blonde for a while#and then I really want to try having like Hayley Williams riot hair#I’m also excited to see this when I style it myself#bc I just had her blow dry it and nothing else#bc frankly. I was ready to go home#btw IGNORE how messy my house is#I seriously feel like a villain
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I still have 5 hours left in my shift 😭😭😭
#I just….#really wanna go home today#not having a good day. I started my period this morning and then I got to work and found out only me and one other opener were there but our#opening manager wasn’t here yet so she was late and we spent the next 20 minutes rushing to get everything set up before we opened#and then we immediately started getting customers and it’s just been busy and I’m tired and just don’t feel good bc of my period#and then so far I’ve had 2 of my least favorite customers come through the drive thru where I’m working#one is this dude who’s just fucking annoying another is the guy that asked for my number a few months ago who I haven’t seen since I turned#him down so I took his order and then made someone else deal with him at the window#and then it got busy with everyone ordering drinks like hot coffees which meant I had to walk from our drive thru out to the lobby bc my#coffees were out bc everyone wants coffee today but when I would do that I would still have to be taking orders#and then someone cleared a few specialty coffees off the barista screen without making them while the person was sitting in the drive thru#so I had to make those while doing other stuff too and people were asking me questions#and I was just getting very overstimulated and annoyed plus I’m hungry#and I just want to leave and go home and sleep but it’s my best friend’s birthday so she’s probably gonna want to do something later but I#just don’t feel up to it and I know she’s probably ready to hang out because she’s been off for 10 days with Covid so she’s well rested now#for her birthday but 😭😭😭 I just want to crash into my bed so hard and not wake up until noon tomorrow#also the coworker I work with every day and don’t like is here today unfortunately#and also all of the speakers we use to play music in the back are dead right now and I just want to play music#first world problems but I have so little patience today
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of course it’s at 5am on a friday morning during my weekend at my dad’s house when i feel a burst of inspiration for starting the teddy bears i’ve been putting off sewing 😔
#context is that. a while ago. idk how long ago exactly but like#a while ago. my mom had me look for a sewing pattern for teddy bear plushies#bc some of her work friends/coworkers/whatever#apparently are willing to pay me some money for sewing them a bear#yet even with the knowledge i Will Be Getting Paid For Making These#i still haven’t bothered actually starting them yet#and the past ~month anyways i’ve been more focused on a butterfly that’s gonna be a really late birthday present for my mom#and. for some reason. right now i just feel so ready to actually start on some of these bears#the issue lies in the fact i’m gonna be at my dad’s house for the next couple days. all my sewing stuff is at home#so i cannot do anything until like monday. this is very sad 😔 /lh
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i really hate when i latch onto adult figures in my life like they’re second parents to me and then i realise i’m never gonna see them again in a few years time
#also hate when my brain makes older friends honorary siblings/parent figures#bc i have a funny thing called anxiety of being left behind 😎#and i’m too scared to latch#also bc it feels weird and if the person didn’t feel the same i would be fucked#also like i dunno it’s nice to be treated like a kid again every once in a while#i dunno i just want someone who will let me act like a kid and be weird as hell without judgement#(i don’t mean weird weird i mean someone who will let me ramble about special interests)#(bc i always somehow encorperate biology in to fandom hdcs)#and i just wanna act goofy and childish with a safe person’\#cus i can’t do it at home i’m too old for that shit#which is understandable but idk#i’m not talking like someone who will babysit me i just mean a friend who doesn’t expect me to be college ready already#idk#skippwr speaks#it’s 530 i need to sleep
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moving out day :(
#crying on the way home while listening to u*detale bc apparently that’s how I’m feeling. bc the thing is. that is how I’m feeling.#just. I wasn’t ready. i was never going to be but god. i am not ready to leave at all. and I am. not ok rn. but it’s ok.#I’m excited but also I’m so so sad and it’s terrible. it really is.#roxy talks
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