#I’m off my meds for the first time in 7 years

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

[bomber-grl]

Taking care of you when you’re sick 🤧

Pairing(s): Characters x Gn!sick!Reader (except for Reyna’s)

Character(s): Percy, Annabeth, Grover,Nico, Leo, Frank, Hazel, Jason, Piper, Reyna (platonic)

Me rn:

Percy Jackson

Honestly great at it and it’s honestly not expected but also sort of expected

Hard to explain

But it’s likely that he just brings you back to the apartment he lives in with sally, Paul, and ofc Estelle because even though he sort of doesn’t want to admit it, he needs help

So (imagining you’re super sick) even if you’re a stubborn one, it’s too embarrassing to act up in front of Sally

Someone who is so caring that she makes soup just for you, checks in on you, gives you extra blankets in case, honestly anything really

This transformed more into a Sally taking care of you than Percy but I’m getting there

One day Sally has to go out for an errand and takes Estelle with her, Paul went off to work or something

Leaving you two alone and you basically a burden/j

Also… free to complain all you want

Now if you’re stubborn and make it difficult for him he will fr mock you

Literally why are you being this way when Estelle behaves way better

And she’s a baby

Eventually though, cmon now

Just be willing and maybe he’ll kiss you

As if he isn’t doing so while you doze off on your meds

I’d give him a solid 6/10, not because he’s not my fav character or anything

Of course not

Annabeth Chase

Ideal in theory not in practice

She knows everything there is to know- hell, if she didn’t after years of being a demigod and suffering from injuries then strike me down

Well- no actually I take that back

Annabeth doesn’t actually know a lot aside from when she gets sick

Which happens rarely and goes away as quick as it comes

So now she’s here with you all bundled up-

Also, if you try to be stubborn and act like a big baby, she’s having none of it

You will rest and you will eat to consume your meds

End of story

I don’t make the rules 😭

She will, however, be pleased if you’re happy to comply and get you back to good asap

Although she does bumble a bit at the start- she eventually learns quickly

Which is to be expected

When she first started to struggle with what do to she’s too prideful to ask for help so she settles on asking you how to do well by you

Then she realizes how stupid (or unwise) it was to act that way and decides to just ask any of the Apollo kids she knows won’t tease her

Which is more than half

Only because she knew you’d get worse

I’d give her a solid 7/10

It’s not any longer because she gets to business and gets you healed pretty quick so 🤷

Grover Underwood

I’d say he’s pretty decent at taking care of you too

I mean he probably knows a lot about herbs and stuff that could help you alongside modern medicine that you’re likely taking

Plus when you can’t sleep for whatever reason (*cough*cough* congestion*cough*) he’ll obviously put that humidifier on but also play you a song

Either to help with sleep or just make you feel better

Really depends

Also we all know he’s a saytr

So he’s likely taking care of you despite needing to be elsewhere

And if that duty calls quickly? He feels SO bad 😭 I’m not even exaggerating

He’ll apologize ten times over and try to make up for it

Instead of getting your sleep and rest it just results in you spending that time reassuring Grover

Which, in your opinion, is a time well spent

But not to Grover

Anyways if you’re reluctant to let him take care of you then he’s constantly hassling you to stay resting

Literally got to the point where campers would just see you running by, and see Grover not too behind

Or it’d be you sitting somewhere and Grover trying to convince you why going back would be a good idea

Now, if you’re more than happy to rest and take your medicine?

Absolute angel in Grover’s eyes

Literally makes his life 10000x easier

Him being him, he just ends up helping you heal and recover faster than you normally would’ve otherwise

So honestly? You can try to be stubborn all you want but it’s only going to make you suffer 😭

Not much for him but that’s because besides his nervous energy, he’s probably the best here in terms of actually helping you become unsick

Nico Di Angelo

He’ll try his best to help you out 😭

Which he does a pretty decent job at, all he does is rely on books and what he’s heard from others

So it’s time for Nico to rawdog helping you out because frankly, he’s always been the opposite of a normal person

So, why would he ever get sick?

(Bluds body temperature is probably colder than the Antarctic)

He does the basics like making you drink medicine for your symptoms (e.g. cough, sore throat) and making you soup to the best of his capabilities

If you’re the type of person to be whiny and like to be cared after then he’d sort of tease you for it in his strange little way

Now, if you’re super stubborn and insist on him not helping you-

He takes it personally

Like I’m not even joking

He’ll just side eye you

You’re acting like you weren’t just dying of suffocation before he put the humidifier on a few seconds ago

And he lets that known

So, he asks why you’re being so stubborn and let him spoon feed you‼️

(Only because you ended up being bundled in a blanket burrito and Nico didn’t want to go through putting you in one again afterwards)

Too much hassle

Also applies if you’re being stubborn and he has to forcibly feed you)

He’s honestly getting annoyed at this point so you give him a proposition

You’ll let him take care of you if he gives you cuddles

Now, normally Nico would be so done but he couldn’t resist

So now here you both are underneath the covers

But then Nico ruins it

“Yknow I was gonna cuddle you regardless” (of it you complied or not)

6/10 just for that last comment

(Doing an actual story, will link HERE)

Leo Valdez

Someone please help him

Nah just kidding

Leo is definitely way better with machines than with humans

That’s a fact

But he knew his mom long enough to know the basics of everything

I don’t make the rules, that woman definitely taught him everything there is to know

So here you are on the bed of your room as you hear Leo’s racket going on in the kitchen

Emmie and Jo went out and took a few residents with them, including one of your favorite residents:

Georgina

The ones that stayed behind were either asleep or bundled away under the covers of their beds

(Ignoring those doing chores)

Especially since it was now winter, despite the waystations warmth, a chill seemed to have made it way inside.

Eventually Leo makes his way back up and set down a tray

It had a soup you learned to become familiar with

It was Caldo de Res

So obviously you gobbled that shit up like all the other Mexican foods Leo had made before

Eventually Leo makes you take your medicine because even though he’s all about playing around and stuff, he still likes to care for you

Now, because it’s likely snowing, Leo had to resist and refuse to let you out

You’re already sick, it could get so much worse

But you didn’t listen

Hence you running around like a maniac outside the station yelling as Leo chases you

Afterwards he scolds you but when you point out that fact that he was laughing when he was chasing after you- he shuts up real quick

Leo does realize how boring it probably is for you though so after going back inside he tries to be a source of entertainment for you

He tries to find board games and he luckily does

Which ends with you two moving to the living room (?) or common area

By the time emmie and the other residents return, the tower you built while playing Jenga was sky high and skinny asf

Then Leo crashed it and you both obviously yelled at it

Then Leo got told off for distracting you from resting (although it was done kindly)

Later after dinner, Leo snuck into your room at night and once again began to try to rid you of your boredom

you two began giggling and gossiping in the middle of the night

Then went to bed when someone knocked as kindly asked for you two to quiet down

Leo was embarrassed 💀

Frank Zhang

Surprisingly good at taking care of you

Only saying it’s surprising because I’ve never considered it before

He obviously takes care of your basic needs like meds and just covers you needing anything else like rest or water

If you’re stubborn to actually try to get better- then he’s definitely worried but also confused

Why are you acting this way and also, please just let him help you

Which is honestly sad because even if he’d like to stay by your side for more than a few hours- he really isn’t able to due to praetor duties

I mean it’s a surprise you got a pass on your chores/ duties depending on what your role is

Will definitely feel terrible for having to leave to go do his job but eventually finds someone trusted to look after you

Likely someone indebted to him

(He’d feel a bit sorry for whoever it is if you’re particularly resistful)

Let’s say you actually get sick and there’s no outside forces that can interfere

Frank is a pretty top notch- although a bit anxious - doctor

Likely learned a lot about the healing aspect of Apollo back when being his kid was what Frank wanted most

So he knows a lot from that and is really attentive

After giving you some medicine you had seemingly been knocked out cold so it was natural for Frank to turn down the lights

Before he left the room he decided to give you a kiss on the cheek

You were actually still awake and despite your boyfriends more than accommodating care-

You will be teasing him tomorrow using this instance

Overall I’d give Frank a 9/10

‘He is the worlds most perfect man’

Hazel Levesque

Have you seen her lead the other Roman’s as praetor and even before then ? Yea she’s getting you bundled up and fed

No ifs or buts

This is how she is overall but if you try being stubborn she genuinely doesn’t see why you would be

Like why wouldn’t you want to get better??

Also please don’t sneak out to the weaponry or something because she literally CANT give you special treatment 😭

Despite her seemingly tough demeanor, she really is a fool for you

Not actually- but miss girl is smitten with you

So she sort of takes it easy, occasionally finding her voice and scolding you as lightly as she can

She tries her best to treat you but eventually gets advice and help from others in camp who know more than she does

She ofc knows the basics: consume vitamin c, rest, drink medicine, etc

But she can’t be too sure

I also honestly think she’s way better than Nico, because I didn’t include it but he definitely got some wayward damned spirit to help him out

But not her

Not that that’s bad, but she’s definitely more capable

I do think she bumbled a bit

She had ordered some other campers who specialized in healing to help her out

Before then, she had been taking care of you herself

So when they get there and see her sort of make shift stuff- she’s a bit embarrassed

Yknow, if the blush on her cheeks are anything to go by

Because we’ve already established that she’s better than Nico, I’ll give her a 8/10

Because she’s really good at taking care of you, really caring overall

But 🤷

Jason Grace

Best way to say how he is at taking care of you is mediocre

He isn’t constantly attentive but just the right amount that you feel like it’s enough

Esprit he’s busy with the school he’s attending- then he’ll have to sneak out just to see you and take care of you

If school isn’t in session then he’s more than happy to go over and take care of things for you

Like doing chores, cooking food and actually taking care of you

Doesn’t mind all that much if you try to resist being treated because it’s likely that he’s encountered people who are WAY worse

Ik this is him supposed to be taking care of you but I think it’d be so funny that you’re just constantly in and out of consciousness that you only remember small snippets

In which Jason has to fill in for you and all you remember is Jason in the distance

Pretty out of place but the idea of it is so funny to me 😭

Imagine being so kind and your s/o not remembering any of it

You’d still believe him though, why should you?

Also I said it’s mid but like mid leaning good so I’ll give him a 6/10

Not that he was terrible or anything but just because I feel like it suits him

Idk 😭

Piper Mcclean

THE BEST IM NOT EXAGGERATING

The medicine- eating- cooking part is alright

It isn’t much different from the others averages and not much to take note of in all honesty

But what is really the cherry on top is when after having a mind splitting headache- you’ve finally managed to fall asleep

Being a demigod and all- you immediately hear when Piper enters the room

Each creak the floor board gives continued until Piper has reached the end of the bed

Not that it’s disturbing you in anyway

So there you are snuggled in bed and you feel a weight added next to you where the bed is pushing down

You feel hands massaging your scalp and Piper -knowing how you’ve suffered with head pain- starts to sing for you

It isn’t unknown or unheard of to sing for someone to heal (demigod or non demigod wise)

So when you immediately start to feel better you can feel your would ascending into the heavens

Not actually- because that’d be the opposite affect of the singing but you get what I’m going for

Anyway aside from that she’s really attentive and sweet but I just had that idea come to me strongly idk why

Overall id rate her a 7/10

That’s because her singing is divine but her caring aspect is mediocre

Reyna Ramírez-Arellano x F!Reader (for the first half)

Literally legendary at taking care of you

Although she is a bit of a dictator when it comes to you being slippery and running off- it’s still pretty great

She was praetor for how long now? Yea a while so she was bound to have learned some things and after joing the hunters it’s only more reason to

Which if you’re a hunter and sick (only confusing but let’s go with it) you need to get your health back up to be in optimal fighting condition so theres literally no room for being stubborn

You need to get well soon and that’s an order basically

So Reyna will bundle you up, (though seeing as you’re more than happy to be cooperative) its only done to make you warm

(Gn! Reader but still platonic)

Now if this is while Reyna is praetor then she’s still enforced this strict persona

And seeing as she’s here taking care of you-

That’s only more reason to

Unfortunately she won’t really have time (seeing that being praetor is really unsustainable long term with the loss of sleep and sleep schedule changes)

But when she does her presence is soothing and likely the only reason you were able to actually get well pretty fast

I don’t have much besides she knows what she’s doing (likely has gotten stupid colds form stress) and is really serious about it

Would give her a 9.5/10 but I’ll change it to a 10/10 because of how fast you recover

-

A/n: req was originally only asking for Nico but I said why not do the other 9

[c-rose2081]

I’m thinking about the ROR timeline a little, which doesn’t make a lot of sense BUT I’m trying to figure out ages in my head:

- it’s been ten years since Descendants 1, so the year is 2025 when ROR takes place. Mal was born in 1999 making her 25-26, meaning the rest of the og cast is around there as well.

- it’s stated in film that Chad is playing Tourney for his university. I originally thought that was silly since that’s really late to have a college sports career. BUT after some research, I learned that you can actually play in college sports for up to five years (or more with special circumstances). So it’s probably his last year playing before going pro or going into sports med or something. I also HC that both he and Audrey took a gap year between graduation and college to travel together so they went back to school later then everyone else.

- Chloe is attending Auradon Prep in ROR, and seeing as Queen Ella brings up past grades and extracurriculars, I can only assume it’s her second year attending, making her between 16-17 years old? This means she and Chad have at least 9-10 years age difference.

- I can only assume Red is around the same age as Chloe.

- Chloe was only 7-8 years old when Chad was preparing to graduate from Auradon Prep. Meaning Red was that age too when she and her Mom returned to Wonderland after being on the Isle of the Lost.

- So, seeing as Brandy currently is 45 years old real time, she had Chad at 18-19 years old, and Chloe in her early 30’s. (Assuming she is meant to be 45 in the series, idk)

- This means that Merlin Academy can’t actually exist in the timeline/canon as we know it, as Belle and Beast would’ve created Auradon when Ella was only 15 and still in school. However, it could be that the idea was still so new, seeing as Chloe and Red would’ve gone back to the very first year of Auradon’s existence, that they may have literally just missed the shift of power to a high monarchy.

- Beast would be 28 during the events of the time travel sequence (since he married Belle at 28, 30 years before), and 58 during ROR main timeline.

- It could be that the villains were resurrected before Auradon came to be, put in school to try and rehabilitate them under Merlin’s watch, and then Beast just decided NAH and booted them off to the Isle right as Chloe and Red left back into their own time. Perhaps due to the cookbook incident? (I consider this piece of the lore to be a retcon as it makes 0 sense, but we can try).

- This would mean the time travel portion of ROR happens in/around 1995. Maleficent would be about 19 or so (same age as Ella) when she gave birth to Mal on the Isle three-ish years later.

- Ella was born in 1980.

- So, recap, ages during ROR: OG cast is 25-26 years old, Chloe and Red are 16-17 years old, Ella & Bridget, as well as Maleficent and Hades are around 45, Beast is pushing 60.

—

I have no idea if any of this makes sense or is even right? But this is kinda what I managed to figure out just thinking about it as logically as possible from the films alone.

I haven’t read any of the books nor plan to do so, this is literally just me thinking about the series as a whole seeing as the creators are trying really hard to say ROR is somehow part of the canon. So, if you have any notes feel free to lmk, I probably missed something from the book lore that I don’t care about lol.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for completely ignoring a very long and thought-out apology message?

TL;DR: Abusive ex sent me apology after two years of silence and I’m not sure I want to acknowledge it.

So I was in a very abusive relationship with my ex for around a year. I’m going to try not to go into too much detail, but I tend to ramble and this is a hard topic for me so I’m sorry in advance if this ends up super long.

When we started dating, it was great for the first six months or so. I noticed certain things that made me question if she could have BPD (intense jealousy, sudden mood switches, impulsivity, self-destructive behaviour) and encouraged her to speak to her therapist about it. She eventually did and was diagnosed with BPD, but she wasn’t able to get on medication for another few months. After that, everything seemed to just… completely spiral. She started to control who I could speak to (I was only allowed to be with friends for an hour, and if I was even a few minutes late she’d be blowing up my phone accusing me of cheating etc. and ignoring me for days), she wanted me to cut off every friend who didn’t like her or warned me about the relationship and would accuse me of disrespecting boundaries if I objected, she would shout at me 24/7 (e.g. we’d be talking fine, she’d tell me she had a headache, I’d say I was sorry, and she’d suddenly be yelling that she didn’t need my pity and that I was patronising her), she constantly tracked where I was and who I was with, she lied to me constantly about things both major and minor, and by the end of it she was physically aggressive. This eventually culminated in her cheating on me, me giving her another chance (zoinks), and her cheating on me again less than a month later with a man she knew had SA’d me in the past. After that I just couldn’t take it anymore and finally got the courage to leave.

This unfortunately made everything worse. She split on me - basically a BPD thing where your opinion on someone goes from love to hate or vice versa in an instant - and she made it her mission to make my life hell. For almost a year and a half after our breakup, she was sending things to my house, to my family’s houses, she was stalking my social medias and sending me death threats from burner accounts, all of her own social medias became solely dedicated to talking about me, and then the worst part - she knew I wanted to go to college to become a primary (elementary) school teacher, and so she called up the college I was going to attend and told them I was a pedophile. She went all out with this accusation and was posting it all over Twitter, messaging my friends, getting her friends to post it - it was crazy. Thankfully it did not actually affect my education because I explained what was going on and I had evidence that things she was saying happened were false, but it was a super terrifying and stressful time.

While that was going on, she used the fact I was an SA victim against me - at one point she told me to “shut up and go get raped again”, and another Tweet she made accusing me of being a pedophile was followed up with “Shame you’ll never get that teaching job, I hear they’re not so kind to people like you in prison”.

Making everything more confusing is the fact that every few months it’s like she’d switch back - she’d send me an apology message, tell all her friends it was a lie, get back in contact with me and tell me she was on meds and going to therapy and everything was getting better, and then a few weeks later she’d be posting about how abusive I was again and blocking me everywhere. It felt like there was nothing I could do - if I ignored it, she’d step it up to get a reaction, and if I did acknowledge it, she’d step it up anyway because I was reacting.

Finally, FINALLY, I threatened to get a restraining order and everything stopped.

Almost two years pass and nothing. I’m now happily engaged to a wonderful girl who was my best friend throughout that whole relationship and knew exactly how affected I was by it. I’m going to therapy, was diagnosed with PTSD, and have been slowly moving on. I still have nightmares about her, and sometimes things will get me (e.g. a few months ago I saw someone who looked like her on TV unexpectedly and had a panic attack), but things are good. Much better. I was thinking of it all much less, I wasn’t dedicating energy to it, I wasn’t even angry or upset anymore, it was just a past lesson I’d learned and didn’t need to worry about anymore.

Then last week I wake up to a message. Again, it’s been two years.

Now, this message was LONG. It was from my ex, apologising for everything she’d done. It was a genuinely nice message and clearly had a lot of thought in it. She said she knew it was selfish to message me when I’d moved on but that she had things to say for her own peace of mind. She said she was happy to see I was engaged, that she’s done a lot of self-reflecting and healing. She said she tried to date again and ended up “karma’d “ - that the relationship was scarily similar to ours but with her in my shoes this time - and that it had made her realise just how disgusting her actions had been and how badly she’d fucked me up. She made it clear she wasn’t looking for forgiveness or to reconnect, just to apologise.

Part of me is mildly skeptical because of the fact she’d apologised multiple times before and it never stuck, but the two year gap and the way it’s phrased makes me believe this is truly genuine. She seems to have matured and changed as a person.

Thing is, I just… can’t bring myself to respond. Every time I go to do it, I remember things she said or did to me and just can’t. I feel like if I just responded and said no hard feelings and explicitly told her I have moved on and am doing better, I could give her the same closure that this apology might eventually give me. It would be closing this chapter for good for both of us and I could just never think about her again.

And yet I just. Haven’t. I’m scared to open the window of communication again in any way, I’m scared it’ll be taken back, I’m scared that this will take me back to square one because she’s put herself back in my life (even tangentially) and now I’m thinking about her again after so long of trying so hard to heal.

So WIBTA if I just… didn’t acknowledge it? If I let her essentially wonder forever it it was ever seen or read because I just don’t know what to do about it, even if I’m potentially keeping closure from her for my own comfort?

What are these acronyms?

[heartbeat-eras]

~Intro Post ~

Hi everyone!

Long time cardiophile in the community but just discovering tumblr for the first time.  Please bear with me while I work this out 😅

About me:

My first memory was me, maybe 3 years old, with my head on my Mums chest asking her what that was. Ever since then it’s always been a thing I’ve been fascinated in. 

My cardio-interest can be many things and have evolved over the years. I have the curiosity about what certain things make it do. How it reacts to exercise or caffeine or nicotine or standing different ways. How holding your breath makes it skip and slow down. I love seeing the reactions to different things. This was the era I started in. 

Then there is the emotional side. The heart can’t lie. If you had a stethoscope on my chest right now, while these words could be trying to portray confidence - you you hear her thrashing in my chest with nervousness / excitement. (Talking about hearts, even anon, gives me anxiety). It’s one of those things that in my real life I would love to be more open about but the level of trust to do that is something that needs to be earned. 

And the dark / …. Adult side… if you asked me years ago I would have said hell no. It depends on the day, month, mood, etc. I’m more open to it these days. Electro, breath play and cpr is what I would lean into, but I’m either in the mood or definitely not. There’s no in between. 

RP / Messages - I’ve never RP before. Maybe I want to try? I’m not sure. I need to be comfortable to talk about hearts so it would have to be a slow intro into it. I also never know how to answer a blind message saying “how’s your heart?”  It kinda feels intrusive and personal so unless it’s a comment about a post PLEASE just start how you would any message to any friend 😊

About my heart

My heart wasn’t all the exciting. Sleeping she gets into the high 40s - low 50’s. Just sitting around working she’s chill around 68. It’s the exercise that gets her. I’ve been a smoker for about 16 years (the last 3 of those vaping instead). When I exercise she shoots up and stays in the 170-188 range on a run. Her recovery is ok considering nic. Slows down initially pretty quickly but says just about 100 for a while. She doesn’t throw many skips and I can induce a couple from a breath hold / push but usually will just beat really slowly after that. 

… well all that was until 6 month ago. Yo girl was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and started on stimulants. Now she feels completely different. I needed to go through the full heart check prior to this, I wanted so bad to see the ECG and see her beating but I was mentally not in a good place and didn’t get to. 

They say that Dexadrine is meant to only increase your resting by 5-7 beats. I would end up sitting at my desk and her beating away happily in the 90s. I haven’t exercised yet but when they wear off at night I can definitely feel her pounding a bit harder and faster than she used to. I’ve now noticed late at night she will occasionally get skippy and throw 5 or 6 beats in a row. But only occasionally and then goes back the normal pounding rhythm. 

Last night I wore my chest strap to bed to see how she was behaving. When she would usually be around 50, last night she didn’t get lower than 65. Today I decided to test her and record her without getting up and taking my meds. A true resting test. She was steady around 68 for 45 mins. Then she increased to about 72 as they kicked in. So maybe they weren’t lying. Maybe just being up is enough to jack her up into the 90s 🤔 she is pounding really forcefully though. I think I’m going to continue monitoring and see if this the norm. 

Anyway, you’ve made it this far you probably deserve some of her sounds. After she didn’t take off into the 90s like I thought she would I decided it was time to have my morning nicotine. This is where the changes took place. A short sound for you to hear hear speeding up. This is before I’ve stood up still. 

What do you hear? How fast is she beating? What do you think she’s feeling? 

Soon I’ll try some exercise and we will see how that goes. 😅

[the-robot-bracket]

Zane propaganda:

"my first ever blorbo"

" 'Who likes icecream? I do!' "

"He blorbo"

"he forgot he was a robot. straight up. had an identity crisis when he remembered. after that it was chill. one time he fell into another dimention and became a tyrannical dictator for 40 years, but his friends snapped him out of it and pretend it never happened. autistic."

"Is bluetooth connected with a bird"

"OK SO LISTEN UP

He is a android except they call him a nindroid because he’s a ninja and the sci-fi geek character suggested it. He used to look human and when he didn’t have his memories he spent ten whole years thinking he was human (even though he didn’t age or anything).

He’s died over 5 times. One of which was self-destructing while fighting a god in hand to hand combat.

He committed genocide but it’s ok because he was psychologically manipulated into doing so when he had evil magic corrupting him and he lost all his memories (this is a running trend with him it happened three times).

He like the color pink and wears pink aprons and is the mom friend and good at cooking.

Also he is autism as all **** like just look at him look at his face he literally makes the autism creature face non-stop in the first few seasons

I am off my meds and can’t think of anything else rn but I’m about to submit more ninjago robots so buckle up"

"got that autistic swag"

"HES ROBOT NINJA YOU CANT TELL ME THAT ISNT COOL"

"He's died like 6 or 7 times bc the show writers need a plot device. He deserves a W"

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  fragilecapric0rn! @fragilecapric0rnn has written 22 fics in the Stranger Things fandom and 21 of them are in the Steddie tag!

@cheatghost recommends the following works by @fragilecapric0rnn:

It Might Be Worth It For Once

clown music at the disco

you can take the heart from your chest to use as a compass when you are lost

Catch Me (I'm Falling)

Anyway, It's About Old Friends

"Sen's body of work is like a truly love letter to the characters. No matter the universe, Steve and Eddie always feel authentic to themselves. Sen's love for classic rom-coms influences a lot of her writing and makes for really romantic, touching stories. It's an absolute delight to dive into a world crafted by this author!" -- @cheatghost

Below the cut, @fragilecapric0rnn answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I think in May of 2022 I was bit by the same bug as everyone else. Before I started writing Steddie, I was on a 4-year fic writing hiatus, and it was like seeing those two interact on screen zapped my brain awake. The chemistry, the potential, the fact that one half of the ship got ripped away from us too soon. All of those components really did something to my brain and I decided I had to write them and I haven’t looked back since!

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I love a idiots to lovers! These two really have the potential to fit that trope so well!

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Second-chance at romance! If you’ve seen any of my fics, you know that I love and will take any chance to write 90s older steddie, haven’t spoken or seen each other in years, who re-meet and fall in love. It is so them, it is my favorite version of them. It’s the version of them that lives in my head!

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

There are so many good ones to choose from, but I think I have to go with Show Me the Place Where He Inserted the Blade by the incomparable, the magnificently talented and outstanding Cheatghost. Lou, who I am very proud to call a friend, is one of the most talented people I know and I feel very lucky to have had them brought into my life via the Steddie brainrot.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

Is it lame if I say no? LOL. Honestly, I have written almost everything I have felt the need to explore with this pairing. A lot of my ideas moving forward are expansions/continuations of ideas that I already started or have posted before. 

What is your writing process like?

Right now it’s at its most unstructured because I am rawdogging life without my ADHD meds for the first time in 7 years, which has been a whirlwind but I am managing. However, it usually depends on the fic I’m writing! For a lot of my longfic, I have a physical notebook that has an outline and major plot points I want to hit at certain times in my stories. Other times, for the shorter fics/one-shots, I just write them all in one go. It starts with a (usually silly) idea, and then I get possessed by the writing demons, and suddenly, I haven’t moved from my chair in 2 hours and I have four thousand words on my screen. I contain multitudes!

Do you have any writing quirks?

I am a victim of the: One word. One phrase. Lin breaks for emphasis. And I will be doing it until someone who is being paid real money to publish one of my original works tells me to knock it off!

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

Again, asking if it’s bad if I say neither? When I first started posting fic again, I was very much writing it all and then posting it over the course of a few days. But now, I tend to write sporadically and post even more sporadically. And I prefer the latter! Fanfiction, and fandom in general, is a collaborative experience in its heart and soul. One of my favorite things about longfic is posting a chapter and seeing what people take away from it, because 9/10 it’ll be different then what the writer thinks they’re going to take away! And the chance to change and rework and let yourself be influenced by other fans of the ship is taken away when you write it all at once and post it all at once.

Which fic are you most proud of?

Anyway, It’s About Old Friends. Even in its unfinished form, it is my magnum opus. My white whale. I have done some of my best writing in it (chapter 2 MY BELOVED) and the fact that its so close to the end is both exciting and terrifying. It is a fic I wrote and continue to write for me, and the fact that other people are reading and enjoying it is a win!

How did you get the idea for It Might Be Worth It For Once?

HA! So, I was chatting with my friend Emily (JudasofSuburbia) about a potential Pornstar!Steve AU offhandedly back in the fall. Then, I got paired with them for a little fic exchange between friends, and it felt natural to take that one off little conversation and turn it into a fic for her. It was one of those fics that started out as a silly idea and then suddenly it’s been six hours and I wrote the whole thing in one go! After some polishing and editing, it became a Pornstar!AU with not as much smut as I expected. It was so fun to write, made even more fun as it was for a dear friend.

When writing Anyway, It's About Old Friends, what was something you didn’t expect?

I didn’t expect it to change and mold and morph in the way that it did. There is a version of this fic where they do hook-up earlier, there’s a version where they re-meet at gay club and not a wedding, there’s a version where Steve marries a Evie and Eddie is Raul. But, this version feels the most right. It’s a story about heartbreak, about finding love (in all it forms) in unexpected places, and it’s about found family most of all. All of that was stumbled on accidentally! My only intention was to write a Steddie-fied When Harry Met Sally fic, and accidentally flashed my heart and soul. Whoops!

What inspired clown music at the disco?

I used to be an opener at a coffee shop and there is something so disorienting and mind altering about having disco music blasting on the speakers at 4am. But, it was in one of those moments, where I was so tired I was nauseous, that the fic idea came to me! I had already been thinking of writing as my first fic, Steve and Eddie accidentally have a Devil’s Sacrament moment at the gay bar, but the line “But it’s Disco Night”, came to me at the ungodly hour of 4 in the morning. What a time!

What was your favorite part to write from you can take the heart from your chest to use as a compass when you are lost?

The Never Have I Ever Scene! It was the first time I wrote the entire party in one scene and it’s chaotic and a little messy but it was one of my favorite parts of the fic. It also made me realize how much I love writing ensemble scenes! Just everyone trying to talk over each other, chaos in its best form.

How do/did you feel writing Catch Me (I'm Falling)?

I wrote this fic in the span of like almost 3 weeks? I was sick and burnt out for most of the time I was writing it, but it was almost a compulsion. I had the idea and I just HAD to write it. No outline, just vibes and Steve Harrington in a cheerleading uniform! I took it down for a while because I was turning it into something else, but then had a change of heart and put it back up. And part of me is glad that I took it down for a moment because people love to be weird about the feminizing Steve’s character, and even though I was writing him as a cheerleader, I tried really hard to keep him earnestly himself, and in character.

What was the most difficult part of writing Anyway, It's About Old Friends?

Writing about San Francisco while being the most homesick I have ever been in my life. Also writing Eddie in those first few chapters as an asshole but not unlikable. I didn’t want him to be “fine” (because no one is fine in this universe, especially not in the beginning) but I also didn’t want him to do or say anything too bad. I think I got a handle on it pretty well.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

In Faces Freedom With A Little Fear, the first scene in the hospital with Steve’s sister. She storms in, threatens federal agents, all for her brother. JJ Harrington you will always be famous!

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Just my current WIPs! Anyway It’s About Old Friends; the When Harry Met Sally AU of my dreams. Hand on My Stupid Heart; the modern AU, where the UD exists but everyone has iPhones and Steve deals with his bisexuality!

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Shout out to my boys! Kkpwnall, judasofsuburbia, figthefruitfaeth, gideoncharov, cheatghost, fastcardotmp3, snowangeldotmp3 you guys rule and they’re all so talented!!!! Thank you to whoever nominated me! I feel the love and give it back to you tenfold!!!!!!

Thank you to our author, @fragilecapric0rnn, and our nominator, @cheatghost! See more of fragilecapric0rn's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[katyawriteswhump]

the freak in the penthouse part 11

E-rated (for sexual content), accidental millionaire eddie/sex-worker steve. On tumblr: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3.1 Part 3.2 Part 4.1 Part 4.2 Part 5.1 Part 5.2 Part 6.1 Part 6.2 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 or search #thefreakinthepenthouse :)

On AO3

Eddie had barely unwound himself from Steve—let alone relaunched his epic packing campaign—when Robin swept back in. She hustled Steve out to the couch, where she plonked a tray of super-late breakfast in his lap. She then swung her attention back to Eddie:

“You’re due out of here in less than nineteen minutes. You ready?”

Eddie opened his mouth. Shut it again. All he wanted was more time alone with Steve.

“Let’s try that again, goldfish-guy. This dump is awash with your junk. You want help packing?”

Eddie hadn’t been expecting that. She didn’t wait for an answer, just grabbed him by the elbow. When he glanced over his shoulder at Steve, she yanked him into the bedroom, closed the door. ‘Help’ turned out to be an opportunity to give him the tongue-lashing of his life, and he sucked it up.

“Okay, I admit it. Steve and I had our first proper row last night,” he said, while they hurled his beloved t-shirt collection into bags. “Something else happened today. Steve told me that he saw somebody from his past who made him remember stuff he tried to forget. Whoever it was, they shook him real bad.”

“From his past?” Her whispers came at him like the rat-a-tat of machine gun fire. “You mean, from the year he was forced into prostitution to pay back his parents’ debts? It wasn’t only sex, you know. Some of those bastard’s got off on hurting him. All you are, Eddie Munson, is the John who pulled him back into the game after he’d fought his way free, and who wasn’t quite such a shithead.”

Ouch, ouch, OUCH.

She kept on kicking: “Still think his feelings for you are anything other than Stockholm Syndrome?”

Eddie only faintly knew what Stockholm Syndrome was. He felt sick. Everything she told him made him feel sicker and sicker. However, if he was gonna help Steve—heck, if Robin was going to have a clue how to help him—he couldn’t cave on this.

“You didn’t answer my question, sister.” He batted a wasp from his uneaten jelly donut. “When Steve was acting odd, I think he was having flashbacks. Shit, I need to talk to my uncle. He knows about that kinda thing. Any ideas who could’ve made Steve flip out?”

Robin gawked at him in silence for a moment. Which was jarring and bordered on creepy.

“I can’t be sure,” she said, returning to her whirlwind of activity. “Too many candidates in this place, though one new guest stands out. Some limey asshat—Lord Dickchester, or something like that. He’s a jerk, rude as fuck. Got hands crawling everywhere they’re not wanted. Nobody’s gonna do anything, ’cos he’s the friend of some other asshat who recently bought a ton of shares in the hotel. He’d be my number one suspect, but then there’s also…"

Eddie tuned out. He checked the drawers, and then the wardrobes and cabinets, and then under the bed. Aaaaand repeated it all. He couldn’t focus on anything.

He was so fucking angry. And scared. Steve needed help, real help, and Eddie had no clue what to do about it.

“You trippin’ out there?” Robin clicked her fingers under Eddie’s nose.

“Huh?”

“You hear me?” she hissed. “Word in the kitchen is that Steve’s been fired. I’ve managed to wrangle a few days leave. I’m gonna take him home to my mom, but we’re not exactly minted down in Castle Buckley. You are gonna pay him, right?”

Eddie’s groan grated through him like a broken amp.

…

Steve sat on the couch and stared at the tray on his lap—orange juice, oatmeal and banana. He ate a few spoonfuls, took a sip of the juice, then shoved it aside.

He’d taken his meds. They could fix how he felt, and he sure didn’t feel like eating much. Now the adrenaline rush, or whatever, had crashed, he didn’t much feel like anything at all. He sure as heck didn’t want to watch Robin help Eddie finish packing. Ugh. It was so… final. He was relieved when they disappeared into the adjoining room, though Robin returned quicker than Eddie.

She broke the news that Kline had given him the heave-ho.

“Oh,” he said. He should be freaking out. What if that douchebag carried out his threat of turning Steve over to the cops? He was simply too drained to freak out about anything anymore.

And then she informed him she was taking him home to her mom.

“I’m not a stray puppy,” he sniped, then added, with a roll of his eyes, “I guess I should thank you.”

“Why break the habit of a lifetime, bitch?” She winked at him, wandered off.

“Steve?” said Eddie, and Steve glanced up again. He’d not noticed Eddie tiptoe out of the bedroom. “You know that I can’t actually pay you what I owe right now, so…”

He offered out a glittery silver guitar case. One of the few things he owned that wasn’t layered with metalhead stickers.

“It’s the Jimi Hendrix one,” he explained. “I’m ninety-nine percent convinced it’s a phony, and the dude I bought it off doubtless took me for a chump. Still a beauty, and gotta be worth several hundred bucks, even if it wasn’t blessed by a God.”

“No way.” Steve avoided Eddie’s pleading gaze. “I’m not having you pay me. I’ll be fine. Okay, Robin’s mom is apparently just like her, so I’ll wanna top myself by tomorrow, but—”

“I heard that, Dingus! Take the damn guitar. Christ knows, we can’t keep you in treats and kennels, rent free, forever.” She marched out of the bedroom carrying several garbage sacks, then disappeared into the corridor, slamming the doors behind.

Eddie dumped the case at Steve’s feet. “Sell her, pawn her, whatever you need. Keep her—maybe you can become the next George Michael. Or Rick Astley.”

His snicker totally rubbed Steve up the wrong way. “Oh, right. So, you’re a tortured genius, and I’m a wannabe?”

“Not what I said, Steve.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just…” Dying inside here. “Hungover and grouchy.”

Steve swept his hand shakily across his mouth, pushed himself to his feet. He actually let Eddie help him. Damn, what wouldn’t he give to scuttle back to that bed, curl up with Eddie, and sleep till the world started over.

“You’ll take her?” Eddie’s hand rested very lightly on Steve’s hip.

“I guess.”

He wound up staring at that stupid pillar. He vaguely recalled blundering into it, the handcuffs and… Oh shit, did I really do that? Panic flashed, then Eddie pulled him close, notched his chin on Steve’s shoulder. Steve melted into him.

“I’m crazy about you, Stevie,” whispered Eddie. “God, I’m gonna miss you so freakin’ much. Here’s Henderson’s number. Call me, okay?”

Eddie slipped something into Steve’s pocket. Steve choked up. He couldn’t help it. “Crazy about you too,” he murmured, sliding his arms under Eddie’s. He breathed deep as he dared, chiefly of Eddie’s sweat. And he smiled into Eddie’s puffy, sweaty hair. Maybe he should be dreaming of a cold shower together rather than hopping straight into that soft bed. Wasn’t gonna happen.

But maybe they could go on a cheap date this weekend?

“Crap!” He pulled back and took Eddie’s face in his hands. “Your agoro-wotsit! You gonna be okay leaving this place?”

“Oh, I’m gonna whizz out of here like the Flash. You cured me, remember?” Eddie pulled a dumb face, crossing his eyes, then silenced Steve’s protest with his fingertips. “I’m gonna be just peachy. You go home with Robin and rest up.”

…

Eddie perched on the couch, his head in his hands.

It had been ten minutes since Robin and Steve had left. Since then, Eddie had glued himself to the seat, barely able to move a muscle. It took a shitload of willpower to shift far enough to discover what was jammed uncomfortably against his butt. Turned out to be Robin’s rolling pin, that’d gotten lost beneath a cushion.

When Steve was settled at Robin’s, would he want to call? Should he want to? Were Steve’s feelings for him really Stockholm Syndrome, or some equally messed-up shit?

Eddie’s mind raced through the past few weeks, all the scorching sex, the cool times hanging together. He settled on one of his favorite memories, which even brought a small smile to his lips. He’d been dozing on this very couch, daydreaming about being home in Wayne’s trailer—rolling on his tiny bed with Steve, making out like dumb teens.

Then real-life Steve had crawled on top of him, fingers tangling through Eddie’s hair and kissing him softly. So soft and teasingly gentle that Eddie’s every nerve-end shimmered, flooding him with dumbass levels of joy. Wide awake, he’d gabbed Steve hungrily and kissed him back like it was his last moment alive. They’d sucked face and wrestled and rolled about so madly that they’d tumbled off the goddamn couch and landed in a tangled heap.

They’d pissed themselves laughing on the Persian rug. Then they’d watched Ghostbusters II and chucked popcorn at each other, before head-banging their brains out to some serious metal and pop. In those moments, Eddie had sure as heck believed in his daydream—that he and Steve belonged together, in some badass time and place far away from his dungeon-tower gulag. Steve understood that too, right? Jesus, but even last night, Eddie had treated Steve… like a hooker. Worse. He’d pinned his wrists and swatted his ass, taken without asking. And now, after everything he’d learned…

“All you are, Eddie Munson, is the John who wasn’t quite such a shithead to him.”

As his guts twisted into fresh knots, he consoled himself with the facts. He was crazy about Steve. Steve said he was crazy about Eddie. He could make this right and real within days. Hours, even. Then he’d work his tatts off on ‘Vecna’s Doom Quest II.’ He’d make a shitload more money. He’d TAKE CARE of Steve. 

As soon as he’d shuffled out of here.

Riiiiight. In your own time, dude.

He managed to sit up straight, but his legs had set like stone. His rings dug into his tightly-curled fingers. Far below, in the street, his ride awaited, the meter ticking. Dustin was gonna shred him up and feed him to those damn donks.

A bellhop arrived with a trolley and gathered some of Eddie’s luggage. Then he came and fetched two more loads. Eddie was left on the couch with a few of his original tattered trunks around his feet.

Four o’clock was long gone. The chambermaid let herself in. At the sight of Eddie, she dropped her duster and gave a little cry.

“Hey, Doreen,” said Eddie, offering a small wave. “Uuuuuuh, just takin’ a breather. I’ll be outta your hair in a jiffy.”

“You take your time, hon’. I’m heartbroke to see you leave.”

She started up hoovering. Eddie rummaged through his stuff for something to give her as a parting tip and hit paydirt with an original 1964 Rolling Stones LP. Yeah, it was rad, but a recent purchase. Compared to the 7-inch vinyls he’d scrimped and saved for as a kid, it meant less than nothing.

He pushed himself to his feet, a monumental achievement that he was stupidly proud of. He puffed out his cheeks, rolled back his shoulders.

“Yoohoo! Doreen!” he called, and she stopped hoovering. He beamed at her and even wondered if he could build on this momentum to blast on out of there. “Got a teensy weensy pressie for—"

“What the devil?” An English-accented voice interrupted them, and Eddie wheeled about. A chunky middle-aged man in a three-piece suit blocked the doorway, leaning on a wicker cane. “I was promised this suite would be available this afternoon.”

“It will be Lord Godchester,” said Doreen. “Accept my sincere apologies. I will call down for assis—”

“I don’t care, woman!” Godchester strode into the room as if it was his birthright. “I want to move my trunks across NOW.” He swiped the cane through the air as he spoke. Clearly, he didn’t need it for walking. On noticing Eddie, he balked. “Who the bloody hell are you?”

Greetings and salutations, Lord Dickchester.

Eddie stared at the cane. Then he stared at the pillar. And back at the unspeakable bastard before him. 

Yeah. The picture was goddamn crystal clear.

“I asked you a question, man!” yelled Dickchester. Godchester. Eddie didn’t give a flying fuck either way.

He breathed hard and fast through his nostrils. His teeth grinded. Then he turned about and picked up Robin’s rolling pin.

....

Part 12 on AO3 Part 12 on tumblr

Thank you for reading. Likes, reblogs and comments much appreciated and will feed the bunnies🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕

On tumblr: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3.1 Part 3.2 Part 4.1 Part 4.2 Part 5.1 Part 5.2 Part 6.1 Part 6.2 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 or search #thefreakinthepenthouse :)

On AO3 All my ST stuff on AO3

[thrashkink-coven]

hello!! I have a question. Are your dreams about deities something you've practiced to have, or does it come naturally to you? if you could tell me about your experience with those dreams that'd be awesome, thank you!!

So I started my magical journey with Archangel Jophiel at about the age of 7 or so. As a young child I had unknowingly practiced many astral journeys and things of the sort before I entirely understood what I was doing. Archangel Jophiel taught me how harness that behaviour to use my brain as an analogue machine. When I say analogue machine, I’m referring to a thing that is greatly influenced by the stimuli that is fed to it. For whatever reason, my subconscious brain is very involved in the details of my waking life. Most of my dreams revolve around real life settings or scenarios I find myself in. The other day I was biking in a thunderstorm. That night I dreamt I was a thundercloud. Whenever I go to the beach, I dream of the beach. I do also have a random absurd dreams, but those are far less common than ones like these. In order to influence this pattern and invoke a deity, I only need to feed my brain stimuli from them in my waking life.

Jophiel taught me how to use my senses to influence my reality, to abandon my senses in states of trance, and to harness my senses to understand messages. He did this most memorably through the methods of scrying and sigil work along with a plethora of meditative practices that have been in use for centuries. Angelic magic is very concerned with spiritual and psychic development, so they always love teaching dream divination.

I cannot speak to whether or not I have a talent, what I do know is that I have been practising these methods pretty constantly for years at a time now, since I was 7 years old, so it is more likely that I am not talented, just that I have a muscle that I have been working out all this time. The only real talent I might have is my extreme tendency to lucid dream or be aware of my dreams as a kid.

Most of the time when I receive these dreams from my deities, I am doing a combination of things to invoke them. Whenever I get those dreams that seem random, or come about without intention or practice, those are the ones I pay the most attention to, because they are usually from unfamiliar deities reaching out for the first time.

But when I do intentionally try to invoke these dreams I am usually keeping all of these things in mind:

1. Saying the deities name out loud or in your head constantly. Imagining, writing about, speaking of and to them as concepts and people. When I write poems about my deities I am not only speaking to their physical attributes, I am conjuring a hyper specific identity and gorging on it’s spiritual correspondences to help my subconscious brain familiarize them and adequately summon them when I’m asleep. “Winged footed, clever whisperer, cultured hands that have shaken a million others, with the clanging of coins on his belt” , that’s Hermes. “Warm chocolate, water speckled rose pestles and pearl enchanted mirrors, gentle laughter in a heavenly oasis surrounded by a sacred grove”, that’s Aphrodite. When I hear the clanging of coins in my dreams I can bet that it’s Hermes, and when I see a field full of roses I can bet that it’s Aphrodite.

I’m willing to bet that a lot of folks actually are getting reached out to, but because they haven’t learned to identify their deity, they just think they’re having a reoccurring dream about a guy shooting arrows at the sun. Meanwhile it’s actually been Apollon this whole time.

2. Saying these names as I fall asleep, ensuring they are the last things I say before I drift off, as if it were a prayer. Saying these names in my head until I am no longer conscious. This also might be a cheat code but asking for a deity to appear in your dreams “by the will of Hypnos” or any other God of dreams works very well for me.

3. Using their sigils, creating sigils for them, staring at them and meditating on them until the symbol burns into your brain. Our brains love symbols. They’re amazing for communicating messages instantly. I see sigils and symbols in my dreams more often then I actually “see” a deity. Other times sigils have acted as portals for deities. Whenever I am in Inanna’s realm I feel as if I’m being shot through the Venus star.

4. Singing and humming their enns or chants. Our brains also adore music, especially those with predictable patterns. Make up your own personal tunes and memorize them better than the alphabet. When I’m in a dream and I hear the words “we go down as she goes down” I know I am in the realm of Inanna. If I hear “Renich Tasa Uberaca Biasa Icar Lucifer” I can immediately identify who I’m with.

5. Using colored lights to psychologically influence my environment for the intended energy I’m attracting. If I’m hoping to attract Aphrodite I sleep with a pink light on. Imagery of all kinds.

6. Burning incense right before bed and saying chants as I do. Your brain associates smells even more so than sounds or visuals. If I’m unconscious and constantly smelling the incense I reserved for Aphrodite, I am more likely to see her in my dreams.

7. Asking specific questions right before bed. This is a big one for me. Very often I will tuck myself in and think something like “hey Hermes, why do you run so fast?” and he will likely show up in my dreams to offer an answer. This can be a double edged sword if you’re too annoying with it lol, sometimes deities will ignore you if you ask them questions you already know the answers to.

8. If you’re already gifted at visualization then your half way there. I often visualize myself doing rituals for my deities in my “dream world”. I light their candles and incense just as I would at my altar. There are a few well documented methods (Raymond Buckland’s comes to mind) that practitioners use to access their mind temple. I personally visualize my mind temple or holy place as a scaled up version of my real altar because all the things there are extremely familiar. My little crystals become towering mountains of quartz and my offering bowl becomes a pool of flowers for me to swim in. When I lay with my eyes closed, not quite asleep or awake, I imagine myself at my altar summoning my deity in an elaborate and fantastical ritual.

9. Understanding the bigger picture.

I don’t remember a good 60% of the details from the dreams I have with deities unless it’s extremely important. Often times I only remember the way it made me feel along with the most important details. In the dream I described just today about Aphrodite wanting me to paint her, I don’t remember whether or not I actually had paint, what she was wearing, what the nymphs were doing, or exactly how she posed. But I do remember the way my heart skipped a beat when she asked me to paint her, and I vividly remember her saying “please do!”. When I share these stories I am massively paraphrasing.

Sometimes shit genuinely does not make sense (looking at you, Hermes) and you have to ask for more guidance to understand it. The very cool thing about Jophiel in those first few years I was learning from him is that he’s very willing to show you the same dream again and again until you understand. There was a period of a couple months where he showed me the exact same dream every single night.

10. Listen to your senses.

Lots of times the Gods do not appear human. I’ve seen Aphrodite more times as a garden than a person. Jophiel often appears to me as a ball of light or something enormous like a planet. Sometimes no words are said at all, but you feel a breeze on your neck that feels like a kiss, or you feel a foreboding presence and know who it belongs to. Sometimes you hear three bells in your dream only to remember that it’s the same sound as the bell in a store you know, and when you return there you find the perfect offering for that God you’ve been thinking about. Sometimes you smell a carcass and know that a Death God is trying to tell you something. So many messages can be shared without words. Lots of my dreams with most of my deities like Cerberus and Leviathan don’t even involve any words at all, even if an entire conversation is being had. Many times I don’t see them, but I know they’re there or that the message was from them. Sometimes I’m not even entirely sure what the entire conversation was, but the things that resonate with me stick with me. Leviathan never actually said “without the struggling combat of the natural forces no peace could ever be known to Earth”, he just showed me a roaring ocean and a blazing sun giving birth to land and air. Lucifer didn’t actually tell me that he wants me to read a specific book, I only saw the book and his sigil blazing above it.

11. Sometimes there is no real message. I often have dreams about Cerberus where he just reminds me that he’s a spooky death God. Sometimes I just see Lucifer because he wants to see me. Sometimes a God just misses you or wants to mess with you (looking at you, Hermes). I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had dreams about Hermes where the only thing he does is say hi and then run away, it drives me insane. I’ve had so so many dreams of Lucifer just wanting to share coffee and then asking me something seemingly random like if I prefer velvet or silk liners in jackets (??? still wondering about that one) .

A thing to keep in mind is that dreams are not the end all be all to deity communication and you are still capable of having a relationship even if your internal word isn’t as vivid. These things do take years of practice. You’re very deliberately trying to manipulate your brain into recognizing the signs of your deity. They seem to come to me easily but even I have periods of time where I don’t receive anything, and that’s also okay and good.

[georgies-ftts]

my thoughts and opinions on this weeks episode as someone who didn’t have time to watch last weeks episode, has never watched live american telly before and has discovered a new found hatred for your adverts. Also i swear a lot.

let’s begin

(spoilers obviously don’t be a knob)

1. he cannae be captain he’s only got two stripes on his epilette why are we focusing so much on this man

2. Bobby eyeing up that gun I like that (the acting)

3. this guy is giving me uncanny valley and i don’t like it

4. hehe dongle

5. i mean fair enough… in and out just like he said

6. Hen love of my life where the hell have you been loca

7. “and you won’t be anymore either” that’s actually dead funny to me

8. husbands that saw together survive trauma together <3

9. “everyone survived” i know foreshadowing when i see it

10. there’s a lot of drunk driver hatred (as deserved) somethings gonna occurr

11. oh he’s dead… lol karma fuckhead

12. Hen, i love you but why can noone on telly give me actual realistic CPR… break them ribs girl

13. christ these american adverts are weird

14. let me tell you advertising prescription medicine isn’t actually a normal thing to do

15. I don’t know boss man am no a dr but that’s an awful lot of blood are you sure you should still be breathing????

16. “Are you happy” “Yeah, Yeah I am” i have a feeling that’s all about to change buddy

17. just me or can anyone else not see a fucking thing that’s going on this episode why’s everyone in the dark for?

18. moving on from that i love the lighting in the office scene… chefs kiss

19. EXCUSE ME SHE WAS DOING HER JOB, NEXT YOU’LL SUSPEND HER FOR CODLING THE DRUNK DRIVER AND GIVING HIM TEA AND CHEEK KISSES PISS OFFFFF

20. Why do American comm’s systems always fail whenever you actually need them

21. They were axed to pieces. I will let you off -_- this time…

22. “I didn’t shoot him” honestly… same i hope you get yer pay out boss

23. Athena please for the love of god pop a paracetamol or a codeine and chill the fuck out

24. cause it has never been hard enough for them you just had to add a bastard bomb

25. ITS BEEN 5 MINUTES WHY MORE ADVERTS

26. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ADVERTISING TO YOUR CITIZENS

27. The Rookie ad i love it carry on

28. If he wasn’t under the influence then he was just being a cunt and hen had every right to react as such thankyou very much

29. Oh my fuck what is happening - don’t tear them apart i’ll start crying

30. Bitch you’re taking on water stop being a pussy and help

31. “Don’t test me.” Queen, you rag his arse

32. “port stabilisers are gone” surely you should be tilting like a bitch right now or did i miss a frame

33. MORE FUCKING ADVERTS????

34. why’s that lizard from london?

35. WHY ARE YOU ADVERTISING DEMENTIA MEDICATION THAT IS LITERALLY ADVERTISED ALSO AS A DEATH PILL WHAT DO YOU MEAN COMA AND DEATH THATS NOT HELPING

36. “i didn’t save him either” he quite literally refused your help despite being detained

37. didn’t get that SS Menow reference… try the Mayflower next time

38. “Saving the ship” “course she is” GIVE THEM ONE MOMENT OF PEACE PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU

39. okay good they are tilting like a bitch i will shut my mouth

40. NO STOP TILTING LIKE A BITCH I DONT CARE ABOUT REALISM I TAKE IT BACK NO

41. HOW MANY MORE ADVERTS DO YOU NEED

42. i don’t know but all your meds just seem to be doing the opposite of.. you know… keeping you alive.

43. woah therapy flash back get me one of those

44. you forgot to mention imminent death in your therapy session Mr Sir

45. “We did what we had to do” YOU’RE ALLOWED TO LIVE TOO.

46. “I couldn’t save my first family and I can’t save you either” and what if that was my last straw Robert Nash

47. ABC you can tone down the writing now i’m fucking sobbing

48. FUCK YOU AUSTRALIAN MAN I WAS CRYING MY EYES OUT

49. glad the us also have those Haribo ads

50. first time in my almost 20 years of life where i’ve seen an ADVERT for ANTIDEPRESSANTS that also actively make you MORE DEPRESSED

51. Hen i knew you were slaying you’ve never not slayed <3

52. no need for it was there mr boss man? no didn’t think so

53. You have no jurisdiction past the Gulf of Mexico??? ummmm??? distressed cruise ship full of your citizens???? idk??? do something????

54. oh. welp. no surviving that one, have fun with poseidon my loves

55. i don’t know about you but once i’ve been capsized like that in anything bigger than a kayak im giving up…

[moss-lovingtransmasc]

Hello everyone!!

I'm writing a cherik fanfic and posting my work for the first time somewhere - when I finish it I'll put it on ao3, but for now I'll post sections of it here! Advice, comments, etc. are very much appreciated! (Also my writing style might change between sections/ chapters bc I'm still learning what my style is, just a heads up. :)

(modern AU, college/uni AU, no powers, alternate meeting)

-Monday-

Charles woke up to the sound of his phone beeping. 

The morning sun and late summer air spread through his room from his open window. 

Bird calls echoed from the tree outside.

Groggily, he reached over to his nightstand to turn off the alarm. 

7:30 AM

It was the beginning of his fourth year at Queen Mary University, and by the end of this year he was going to get his Bachelor’s degree in Biology. He checks his university app to look at what his new schedule is. He had Cellular Biology and Calculus III today. Then, he checked his reminders for the day. 

-Do laundry on Tuesday

-Finish graduation project for bio - due second semester

-Fill in empty class period for first semester (ASAP)

-Get groceries

-Pick up anxiety meds for Hank from pharmacy (Wednesday)

Fuck. He forgot to talk with his counselor about that free space in his schedule. 

--

In the middle of his second period, Charles checks his schedule again- and finds he doesn’t have enough time after his last class to talk to Ms. Frost. So when his second class ended, Charles spedwalk to his counselor’s office. 

Ms. Frost’s office was at the end of the hall in the East Wing. He always had a feeling that she didn’t like him very much. Or anyone for that matter. Every time he saw her, she always seemed cold, and occasionally just outright rude to students. Like she was always tired of them. Why the hell did she become a college counselor?

Arriving at Ms. Frost’s office, two faint voices inside got his attention. 

“You can go fuck off for all I care”

“What- What did you just say to me?!”

“You heard me Summers - now get out…Please.”

“Alright I’ll fuck off then…” Scott replied under his breath as Charles heard footsteps towards the door. 

The door swung open, and he caught a glimpse of a pissed off guy leaving the office. His face had looked slightly familiar, and Charles vaguely remembered seeing him pass in the halls on the way to some of his classes.

Grabbing the door knob and stepping inside, Charles saw Ms. Frost at her desk, looking down at some student files.

“Hello! Uh, I’m here about an additional class credit I need for graduation.”

“Okay. Sit down” She replied curtly, opening her laptop and clacking on the keyboard. 

He took the single office chair across from her desk and sat down. A beat of silence passed as Ms. Frost got the student registry up. Charles looked around her office in the meantime. 

It wasn't very cluttered like some other school staff’s offices were. She did have a few decorations and knick-knacks scattered around. Silver little objects on her bookshelves, posh-looking white and diamond decorations on the walls, the light blue picture frames that held her degrees and documents that she was required to hang up. Now that he’s thinking about it, her name really matches up with her room. 

“Name, year and major?”

His head snapped up as he heard Ms. Frost’s voice.

“Charles Francis Xavier - 4th year Genetics Major”

She gave him a look that probably silently judged why he said his middle name. He wasn't quite sure why he did either. As far as he knew of, there wasn't another Xavier in the Science department.

“Lets see…You need one credit left of a creative class, since you've taken almost all of the possible science classes here…”

Oh God no. Charles had never had an interest in drawing, painting, or any other art form, and to be honest, he was never good at it anyways. “Please don't make me take a class with painting or something - I'm terrible at it.”

 “Alright- Well, there is a metalworking class- which happens to be the only class that fits your preferences and your schedule, so I’d recommend that.” 

When did the university have a metalworking class? Sounded interesting enough…

“Uh- sure. I’ll take that. Thank you”

“Okay, I'll sign you up for it then. The next class is tomorrow.” 

“Alright Thank you Ms. Frost!” 

“Bye.” Charles heard her say - in a slightly annoyed tone - as he opened the door to leave. 

That went surprisingly well.

He really shouldn’t have put it off until the first day though…

-Tuesday-

It occurred to him that his new metalworking class might not be that great, or that popular at the very least if they had late scheduling available.  

Oh well - he just needed to graduate and then he could explore genetics outside the restraints of school. First, he had his favorite class of the day: Study of Human Evolution III. He had taken the intro course his first year and loved every minute of it. 

He found it fascinating how thousands of millions of years on Earth had changed tiny single-celled organisms to the conscious and complex beings humans are today. Capable of thought, capable of studying themselves and building societies. Yet still so animal - having base human instincts ingrained into their genetic make up. 

After that class though, he had his first day of metalworking - in room 109B. 

He was not looking forward to this. 

--

As he walked down the art hallways, he eventually recognized the room number. 

Opening the door and peering inside, to his surprise, he found that the class was almost completely full. All except for one seat at a large workshop table in the back of the class. 

Charles stepped inside and walked over, hearing the bell ring seconds after. 

Oh shit he was almost late. 

Charles was almost never late, being the top student in most of his classes, he prided himself on being punctual. He just had some trouble navigating the art hallways, was all, never stepping foot in them before. He had to admit that it was a little embarrassing, studying here for the past three years…

He sat down on the stool, looking at the tall student next to him. He looked about his age, if not a little bit older looking. Not by much though.  

“Hello! I’m Charles.” Introducing himself and offering a smile.

… 

The guy next to him didn't say anything, just smiled politely at him. 

Charles just assumed didn’t like much conversation. 

The professor started introducing himself and his students to the class, mentioning something about the syllabus. Charles normally would have paid more attention if it was any other class, and if it was any other person next to him. 

Charles didn’t normally stare at people this much, even people who he was attracted to, but for some reason he couldn’t stop looking at the guy next to him. As secretly as he could of course, looking at him through the corner of his left eye while facing the front of the class. He knew his face from some of his classes last year, and his Cellular Biology class yesterday. He was usually too interested in the subject matter to talk with anyone, and this guy was quiet and always sitting in the back. 

Besides that, he was just a very handsome man. His strong facial structure, his slightly stern eyebrows. His black turtleneck sweater complimented his neck and captured his figure so well.

“Erik Eisenhardt?” 

“Here.”

Erik then. That was his name. 

Charles listened to the rest of the roll call but didn't hear his name. The roster might not have been updated yet. He made a mental note to talk to the professor at the end of class. 

They first learned about basic safety measures of metalworking, like the protective equipment, hazards, and mentioned a safety contract. He also introduced the class to the tools they had at the stations, what they were going to be using most often, along with techniques like cutting and welding. 

“And remember, metalworking can be a very useful skill to know for trade jobs, but it can also be an art form. And since you all aren't in trade school, I’m going to assume you all joined for the art aspect of it, which is what we’ll be focusing on anyways.” 

The professor stood up and handed out the contracts to each table. 

“Here’s the safety contract I need you all to sign if you still wish to continue. I’ll need it by next class, so I’ll give you all some time to read it today. And please don’t be shy -  feel free to ask any questions.”

As he got to Charles’ table, he realized that he didn’t hear the professor’s name. There was a chalkboard at the front, but it was blank. 

“Hey - Erik was it? Did you catch the professor’s name?”

“Professor Azazel I think.”

“Thank you”

They didn't talk to each other for the rest of class. 

--

As the period came to an end, Charles went up to the front of the room to talk to Prof. Azazel. 

“Hello Professor! I believe that my name isn’t on the list yet? I registered for this class yesterday, but I just wanted to let you know that I was present today.”

“Okay, I’ll mark you down. Next time though, tell me during roll call.”

“Will do! Have a good rest of your day.” 

As Charles went back to grab his laptop bag, he saw that Erik left a small spiral notebook. Picking it up, he decided to return it in his Cellular Bio class tomorrow.

[alezee]

Roughly a year later from ED recovery

Trigger warning ED

I had this idea of what I needed to be to please other people

And that’s been my life since I was 12.

I would eat normal portion sizes, not binge, but then still purge. And I felt morbidly proud of myself for it. Figuring out how to stick a toothbrush down my throat to vomit.

Honestly that might contribute to my anxiety around throwing up.

I mean I feel nauseous and start having a panic attack which inevitably makes me throw up anyway.

Eating an egg white and a couple berries for breakfast isn’t healthy.

Drinking protein shakes and sparkling water to hide hunger ques isn’t healthy.

Working out multiple times a day and doing so much cardio I was crying isn’t healthy.

Getting weird alternatives when you want food because it’s ’healthier’. The food is healthier than the 50 cent pasta. Edamame pasta is healthier. Zucchini noodles are healthier. Banza chickpea pasta is healthier (I actually like Banza but it falls apart if it gets put in the fridge)

Halo top ice cream is kind of jsut gross. It was really powedery when k got it last.

I seen some people not know how to eat normal amount of ice cream after eating pint fulls of halo top.

I couldn’t stomach more than a couple bites of halo top though.

And hated ice cream because kf it.

I don’t like bread, and I’m allergic to gluten anyway, but lite bread literally made me hate bread.

If all you’re eating is unseasoned Brussel sprouts and tofu, you’re gonna get bored.

I couldn’t bring myself to make actual meals because going over 700 calories made me sick.

So I jsut stopped eating instead.

Because it food had to be gross I jsut didn’t want it.

I’m not sure when it fully changed, and my mindset was finally recovered. But sometime in the last year I went from 100% to 25% terrified of food.

I was weighing myself every single morning. And cuz I was drinking water, working out, and yk. Not eating because it was gross. Lost roughly 7 pounds the first week, 10 pounds the next.

I did gain some of the weight I lost back after eating normal amounts and getting back to weight lifting.

Last June I cried and gagged my birthday cake back up because someone said something.

“That cake is 16 servings, so make sure you only eat a sliver” one of those carrot cake bar-cakes from whole foods. Cuz I’m one person, and nobody I know likes carrot cake.

Two bites of a carrot cake and feeling absolutely disguising that I got vegan takeout because it was my BIRTHDAY

I cried in the days leading up to my birthday becuwse I had people that wanted to celebrate and I just felt disgusting.

I felt like an ugly fat pig, I felt old. Once you’re an adult every year is a ticking time bomb is what I was taught.

I got grey hairs along my hairline and pimples on my chin. Best of both worlds.

I was overworking out. I couldn’t weight lift. I had no strength and lost a lot of muscle. I hated cardio when I once lover running and hiking. Because I thought I had to do it with an extra 45-60 pounds on my chest

I stopped doing the weighted vest when working out and doing cardio because it was cutting my neck and shoulders.

At that time I was basing self love off what the scale said in the morning. Down one pound? You can be happy today

Up .5 ounces on your period?! You have to hate yourself. How dare you gain weight? Up the cardio. Try weights.

I was sitting in the gym weightlifting one day and just started crying. Like uncontrollably. I mean tears were pouring down my face and I didn’t know why. I was tired that’s why.

I spent so much time hating myself and obsessing over food and working out and what the scale said that I was miserable.

Not being enough for people I wanted the validation from.

It fucked my brain up

I was on a lot of meds too at that time

I was dealing with insomnia, in an abusive relationship, and out of my mind between sleep deprivation, malnourishment and overworking out I almost killed my self and barely remember it. Like just wasn’t there.

I was so tired. I don’t deal with insomnia and I only get nightmares on my period now.

Also learned it’s okay to not workout some days. It’s okay to eat a comfort meal. It’s okay if your caloric intake is over 1,200

I have chronic pain from a back injury

Sometimes my workout is a long walk and physical therapy because physically I’d harm myself doing anything more.

And all this to say, recovery doesn’t happen overnight. Especially if you’ve been struggling for years. Nobody is expecting you to be perfect.

If you slip up, and fall into old ED hah it’s it’s okay, you can fix it. You know what works when you’ve been in recovery. Baby steps.

Cuz allll of that. Happened for years. And over the last year, slowly happened less and less. And just minimised itself more and more.

Anyway.

[memphisnovels]

Evermore

Chapter 7. If we survived the Great war

Masterlist

Previous chapter

Hello hello! Chapter 7 friends

Following this chapter Evermore is going to be Pietro central, so I hope you all enjoy, so much flirting and arguing to come x

pairing: Pietro Maximoff x OFC

warnings: BFF Anna, angst, injuries, PTSD, proof Tony Stark has a heart

My vision was foggy when my eyes opened once more. The slow rhythm of a monitor beeping filled my ears as I glanced around the room, it wasn’t a hospital, but it definitely wasn’t the Avengers Tower either. My attention was piqued by the sound of a door opening and closing.

“Welcome back,” Anna murmured, a soft smile coming to sit on her face. “You gave us all quite the scare.” I shifted in the bed, attempting to sit up. “Just take it slow, Nads, you’re on a lot of pain meds and you don’t want to pop a stitch.”

I thanked her for the cup of water she handed me. “Where are we?”

“The new Avengers compound. You passed out on the lifeboat; the medics took care of you on board, but you’ve been out since then. Helen Cho worked her magic on you when you got back here.” The moment the water hit my lips it became apparent just how thirsty I was, it was as if I’d been walking through the Sahara for days, my throat dry and torn. “You know a text would have been nice. Didn’t need to be long, just a simple ‘hey Anna heading off to save the world talk to you later’.” I smiled into the cup at her taunting tone. “I mean here I am kicking back in Istanbul, and I get a call from Natasha saying you’re bleeding out in bloody Sokovia.”

My body felt light, as though it were floating. I guessed it was the medication. “Well, I did not want to disturb you, miss superspy.” She rolled her eyes, flipping me her middle finger as she dropped into the seat beside the bed. “I’m sorry, next time a robot man is intent on global destruction I’ll send you an email.”

“Please do!” I snorted at her, resting my head back against the crisp white pillows. “I missed you, smartass. The fiercely independent thing is fine, all I ask is the odd update so I know you’re still breathing, really any sign of life would be much appreciated.”

“Ugh, you people with all your emotions.” I teased, keeping my eyes closed. She huffed in feigned annoyance at my words. “I will try to keep you updated.” I popped a single eye open to watch her roll her eyes and smile at me gently. “How is your peculiar little rat?”

She shook her head at me, a scowl taking over her expression. “By that, I assume you mean my Pomeranian?” I hummed in response prompting her to sigh exasperatedly before telling me how the little creature was faring. “You can pretend to disdain George all you want but I’ve seen you giving him treats and spoiling him with pets.”

“Poor little Georgie, I feel bad for the beast, he is so tiny. Like a little doll, all of the other dogs will bully him.”

We continued like this for a while, catching up on life, at least as much as we could with her MI6 confidentialities and my innate displeasure in sharing my secrets. It was nice, to hear Anna’s voice, to have her here. She was the first person whom I’d found comfort in the presence of. There was safety with her, that is what our friendship was built on. Although, friendship did seem an inadequate word for our kinship. Family was what we had called it over the years, though even now that still seemed such a foreign concept it made my skin crawl each time, I lingered on the thought too long.

“You know you really did give us a scare, Nads.” I nodded at her, poking at the chocolate pudding that had been given to me. The first time I had one of these I was 21 and it was at the hospital in New York whilst I sat at Anna’s bedside after she’d had a particularly tough assignment. At the time I had been disgusted by the thought of this strange brown, custardy substance, even when I tried it, I found myself turned off by the thought of what ingredients went into making the uniquely American delicacy. However, they’d grown on me over the years. “Each of the Avengers have been in to see you that many times it’s becoming a little silly. Thor left you those before heading home.” She nodded toward an egregiously large bouquet of flowers. I bit back a smile at the thought of him purchasing that. What a very odd person. God. Whatever. “Nat got you something as well, she said she left it in your room…” The way Anna spoke then immediately made me suspicious. There was something she wanted to say, something on the tip of her tongue that she was biting back.

I raised an eyebrow at her but still she remained silent, swallowing down what might have been a laugh. “For God’s sake, just spit it out.”

“It’s nothing… I was just saying how you worried us… all of us.” I narrowed my eyes at her. She was trying extremely hard not to laugh now, I could tell. “That Maximoff boy, particularly.” She could no longer stop herself as a little giggle slipped out.

A sigh of utter exasperation came from me as she continued to laugh. “I am not sure what is so funny, Anna. What do I care of that infuriating prick?”

She grinned at me. “He’s been here more than anyone else. Honestly, I wasn’t sure he’d leave your side until I told him to piss off and take a shower.” I rolled my eyes at her. “Seriously he wouldn’t stop pacing around the room, I thought he was gonna wear a hole through the floor.”

I could not believe this woman. “Good for him.”

“He’s cute.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” I muttered shoving a heaping spoonful of pudding into my mouth and attempting a nonchalant shrug.

She narrowed her eyes at me, but I simply avoided her gaze. “Are you sure?” I did not like her tone.

“He is a terrorist.”

“No one’s perfect.” I gaped at her implication, her gaze remained set on me, unwavering. It was not okay with me that she felt she could see through me so easily. “Plus, I wouldn’t really call him a terrorist, an idiot? Maybe, but he joined the Avengers in the end so…” She shrugged, stealing a spoonful of pudding from me.

“You are beginning to piss me off now.”

She only laughed again, taking another spoonful of the chocolatey goodness. “Why because I’m right and you’re saying the exact same thing in your head?”

I opened my mouth to disagree but before I could get the words out her phone began ringing, cutting me off. She pulled up a bag from beside her feet, laying it on the end of the bed. “I’m so sorry, I have to get this. I’ll be back to check on you in a little while.” I nodded, gesturing for her to go.

Unfortunately, I was not left alone for very long as Dr. Cho came in to check on me. “I am feeling much better now, can I go?”

She breathed a laugh, checking over the machine and taking a quick look under the bandage at my hip. “You’ll be fine to leave whenever you’re ready, Nadia. The wound looks far better already.”

“Great. I do not want any of the special medicine either, just give me the basics, nothing that affects my consciousness.”

“I would recommend taking something stronger for the pain, your body can heal without the medication, but you’d be putting yourself through so much unnecessary pain. You sustained a lot of damage, there’s no shame in taking something a little stronger.”

I pulled the blankets off of my legs, swinging them over the side of the bed. Within the bag, Anna had left was a clean set of clothes for me to change into. “I’ve had worse. I’ll be fine. Thank you, Dr Cho.”

She shook her head and sighed quietly, handing me two little bottles. “It’s your choice, I’m giving you something stronger as well just in case.” I took the bottles and tossed them into the bag, ignoring her look of frustration. “All right, well keep an eye on the wound and come back in a couple of days so I can check the healing progress.”

When I was alone again, I slipped into the small bathroom attached to the med bay, pulled off the hospital gown, and stepped into the shower. Most of the blood had been wiped from me though there was still quite a lot, alongside all sorts of dirt and debris which clung to me. The water ran black and red as it swirled down the drain, taking with it the stress and agonies of my time in Sokovia. A deep ache set into my muscles as the medication began to wear off, bringing me to a crisper consciousness where pain lay in wait.

I left the medical wing, swallowing down the agony that seared in my body as I wandered aimlessly down the unfamiliar hallway. The compound was quite fancy, not that it surprised me, Stark did have a flare for that kind of thing. Glass panes surrounded me, glossy floors which the light bounced off of.

“Hey, kid!” I glanced over my shoulder to see the man himself approaching me. “Glad to see you’re back on your feet, come on I’ll show you your new room.” He walked beside me, keeping pace with my pained, slightly slower stride. “What do you think of the new place? Nice huh? I thought the windows made it a little reminiscent of the tower, plus you know light and all that good stuff.” The end of his sentence came swiftly, almost as if he were glossing over the words as he spoke to them, he glanced at me so briefly it was almost unnoticeable.

“Yes, it’s… it’s nice, different to the tower, but nice.”

He nodded quickly, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, definitely. Less light pollution out here though.” I remained silent as he showed me to my new room. It was spacious and the walls were white. Not sterile, hospital-white, rather a softer, warmer white that made it feel open. A large, plush bed sat in the middle of a wall, surrounded by side tables, and in the corner sat an empty bookshelf and a desk but none of these things were what held my attention. There was a whole wall lined with beautiful glass windows, the sun trickling through to bathe the furniture in warmth. I stepped toward them, holding a hand out to let the rays of sun engulf my flesh. “It’s a lot of light I know, but I had controls installed to tint the windows as much or as little as you want. All with the click of this remote.” He held up a little white controller. “They can go completely blackout, or you can just dim it, they’re also one-sided so you can see out, but no one can see in.” He spoke the way he always did, with that cool disposition that made him seem untouchable. He spoke as if it were nothing, when to me, this meant more than he’d ever know.

A picture frame sitting on the bedside table caught my attention, it was simple but nice, inside lay a photograph of Natasha and me. I picked it up to examine it closer, it was the night Ultron had attacked us in the Avenger’s tower when Nat had insisted we take a picture together before the party. Stuck to the top corner of the frame was a pink Post-it note.

What could be more you than your own face?

As I gazed into the glass encasing the image, I was able to see my own reflection staring back at me. I was smiling and my eyes were watery. Quickly placing the picture back down on the nightstand I looked at the roof, pretending to be stretching my neck as I took a deep breath.  “You asked me what she showed me.” I finally spoke after a few long moments.

He asked what I meant.

“You asked me what the witch showed me, in the shipyard.” I turned to face him then.

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, I don’t, and I’m not going to either. Not now.” He raised an eyebrow at me. I exhaled deeply before continuing. “The place where I was raised… it was dark, and it was cold all the time and there was never music. For most of my life, that was what I knew, cold, dark, silence.” I could feel his gaze on me, but I did not meet it. “I don’t mind the light pollution in New York because it means that it is always light. I like the sound of the traffic because when I wake up during the night, there is sound. I asked you for a room with windows so that I always know, I am not in that place.” I shook my head. “Not anymore.”

There was silence again then. We stood facing each other but not meeting each other’s gaze, sitting in a silence that was surprisingly comfortable. He nodded. “Okay.” It was a word atop an exhale. A word that was simple, but in that moment, it had weight. It was an acknowledgement and it meant something to me. He turned to the door, placed the little remote on the desk, and took a step forward.

“Tony.” Both of us froze at the sound of my voice. In all the years that I’d known this man, I had never once called him by his first name. “You are a mad scientist, and sometimes a bit of a prick.” He smiled sheepishly, furrowing his eyebrows slightly at my words. “But you are also a good man, a man who saved the world. Thank you.” I looked toward the beams of sunlight streaming through my windows.

“I’ll see you around, Nads.” He spoke, turning to leave. Before he stepped out of the room, I saw the way his lips curved upward, it brought a soft smile to my own face.

…

Anna did come back, just as she said she would. She had to board a flight back to England to report to MI6 before leaving again for her next assignment. It was a busy life, one that we had in common. “You know sometimes I think maybe I should’ve chosen MI6 over S.H.I.E.L.D. Then I would not have to contend with jaded AI and near doomsday events on a weekday.”

She laughed. “It would be nice to get to see you more often.” She wrapped me in her warm embrace and for a moment I tensed, but then it was Anna, and it was okay. She exhaled softly, shaking her head as she pulled away with a small, earnest smile. “No... Superhero suits you better.”

I narrowed my eyebrows at her, an amused smile spreading across my lips. “Look after yourself.”

“No, you look after yourself.” She spoke, her tone shifting to a scolding one, like an older sister. “I mean it.” She added, pointing at me.

When she was gone, and it was quiet I slipped into the large bed facing the windows. For a while, I just watched the intricate patterns drawn on the marble floors by the sun trickling in. “J.A.R.V.I.S… are you there?” I spoke into the room, feeling a little silly for the bubble of hope in my chest. For a moment there was silence, and I was almost embarrassed, of course, he was not there, J.A.R.V.I.S was installed into the red man they called Vision.

“Hello, Nadia. My name is F.R.I.D.A.Y, Mr. Stark has installed me in the Avengers compound now that J.A.R.V.I.S has left.” It was a woman’s voice, she was Irish. “Perhaps I can help?”

I swallowed heavily. “It is very quiet in here...” My words trailed off, I did not know what to say and it felt stupid and weak now.

“The previous Avengers tower was soundproof also so J.A.R.V.I.S emitted quiet cityscape sounds into your room. Would you like me to do this as well?” Her voice was gentle and non-judgmental.

“Yes. Yes, please.”

 The moment I’d finished my sentence the low hum of traffic, wind, and life streamed into the room. “Of course, is there anything else I can help with?”

I lowered myself, resting my head back on the plush pillows and snuggling into the duvet. “No thank you… F.R.I.D.A.Y.” She told me I was welcome and then she was gone. I dimmed the windows slightly, just enough that the sun wasn’t blaring but I could still see out. As soon as I was comfortable, I rolled onto my side.

I couldn’t sleep on my back, not anymore. It was odd to feel incapable of such a mundane thing. In support group, they call things like that a trigger. I’d never found a better term for that feeling that occurs in the dead of night when the room is still, and I am on my back with my eyes closed. It’s the feeling of my legs in stirrups, needles injecting me with a drug that made me feel as though I were underwater. My muscles turned to mush, and my body was stolen from me. Parts that were supposed to be mine. Proof that nothing belonged to me in the Red Room.

I tended to favor side sleeping.

…

When my eyes opened, I was bathed in darkness. I could feel sweat pricking at the back of my neck and my heart was thumping quickly in my chest. Taking a long, deep breath I closed my eyes and focused. The hushed sound of traffic enveloping me, my heart slowed slightly, and I reopened my eyes, snatching the remote and turning the dimmer off on the windows to reveal the silver glow of moonlight. After a while, the air began flowing smoothly into my lungs and my heart returned to its normal rhythm, the sweat dried and I was okay.

I took my time walking to the kitchen, creating a mental map of the compound as I went. It did not take me long to realize that the red was gone, no longer sitting in the corner of my vision, taunting me. I remained vigilant nonetheless, awaiting it’s return so it could not catch me by surprise. Before I turned the corner into the room, I was presuming was the kitchen based on the sound of voices and the sizzling of food in a pan, I leaned against the wall, cradling my wounded side and taking a deep breath. It hurt, a lot. I was only taking the weak painkillers Dr. Cho had given me, none of the stronger medicines, and I was paying the price. My body ached all over and my stomach had begun to cramp from the lack of sustenance. After another moment of rest, I pushed off the wall and made my way into the kitchen. There was a large island bench lined on one side by stools and a dining table across from it. Natasha sat at the island talking to Cap, who was stirring something in a pot at the stove. A glance at the table revealed Vision and the Maximoff twins talking amongst themselves.

“Nads, you’re awake.” Nat beamed when she spotted me causing all eyes in the room to land on me. I raised an eyebrow at her, glancing at Steve when he turned to face me, a novelty apron with the words ‘kiss the chef’ inscribed across the front, wrapped around his body.

“I was wondering if you’d be joining us tonight.” He spoke up offering me a warm smile. “You must be hungry, I’m made some soup, I’m not much of a cook but it smells decent so...”

I ignored the gaze of the enhanced twins, particularly the remorseful look that Wanda gave me and the concerned one her brother supplied. “Nice apron,” I murmured, walking to sit at the end of the dining table as far from Wanda and Pietro as possible. A snort came from Nat and an exasperated sigh from Cap at my comment.

“It was the only one that was here, and I didn’t want to spill on myself.” He mumbled, his tone suggesting that I wasn’t the first to comment on his choice of cooking attire. A moment after I’d sat down there was a bowl of steaming soup placed before me by Steve, followed by a glass of ice water from Natasha beside two little white pills which I assumed were painkillers. I raised an incredulous eyebrow at the two of them as they sat on either side of the table with their own meals.

“What’s with the table service?” The two of them shrugged as if they weren’t sure what I’d meant. I sipped the water before scooting forward to begin eating when I realized I didn’t have a spoon, bracing my hands on the arms of the chair to push myself up. Yet, before my chair was even far enough from the table for me to stand a streak of blue and silver whizzed by. A spoon sitting in front of me before my mind even had time to comprehend what was happening. Glancing down the table to see Pietro seated, casually, as if he’d never left. My eyes narrowed at him from my seat before I glanced back to Nat and Steve who were barely touching their food as they pretended not to be focused on me. I picked up the spoon hesitantly. “Is this because I almost died?” I taunted, causing Natasha to shoot me a sharp glare.

“That’s not funny, Nadia.”

I put my hands up in surrender before beginning to eat. “Geez, tough crowd.” It was almost unbearable to know that I was being surveyed so heavily by the other people in the room, though there was something about it that prompted a warm feeling in my chest, not that I’d ever admit it. “This soup is actually very good; have you been taking cooking classes in your spare time?” I broke the silence, glancing at Steve.

“Actually, I found the recipe on the line.”

“The line?”

Nat bit back a grin, glancing at me. “The web.”

I gasped at that. “You used the internet, all by yourself.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Ha ha, very funny. Yes, I used the internet. I don’t particularly like it, but I must admit it was actually nice, this woman spoke about how the recipe was passed down from her great-grandmother.” Natasha and I shared a look at his admission, evidently, he had chosen to read the entire biography section of the recipe before making this soup.

The smile that sat across my face was hard to shake, try as I might. “Thank you for the food,” I spoke quietly as I continued eating. The overzealous service caretaking continued when I’d finished eating, my dish was cleared before I’d had the chance and my water was refilled. “Honestly, it was 1 bullet, for God’s sake. I am perfectly capable of walking to the bench.”

“Well, you don’t need to, I’m already doing it for you,” Natasha spoke, giving me a pointed look as she stacked the dishwasher. I rolled my head back to hang over the back of my seat in exasperation.

“You’re not going to take the medicine?” A voice piped up causing a wave of irritation to pass over me.

I lifted my head slowly, a lethal look in my eyes as they met his clear blue ones. “Whatever for? I am not in pain.”

“You took a bullet and shrapnel to the side but you’re not in any pain? Of course, this does not sound like you are trying to prove anything at all.”

 A hush fell over the room at his response. When I spoke again my tone was glacial. “I thank you for your concern, but it takes a little more than 1 bullet and some itty-bitty pieces of metal to kill me.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “Perhaps next time the two of you decide to team up with a deranged metal man to kill the Avengers you will keep this in mind.” It was facetious and it was mean, but the words seemed to come from me before I had the chance to stop them.

Wanda swallowed heavily, her sullen gaze falling on the table then. My words silenced Pietro but did not have the intended effect. I’d anticipated anger from him, some nasty words in return but instead all I saw across his face was remorse; it sickened me.

After dinner, Natasha had insisted on showing me around the rest of the compound as I’d been too tired earlier to have a full tour. “That was a little harsh earlier, Nads.”

I asked her what she meant, though I heard my previous words echo in my mind the moment she’d spoken.

“I’m not going to stand here and defend the twins; they made a stupid choice and a lot of people ended up getting hurt.” I was silent as she spoke. “You know what? You’re right, Nadia. It is their fault.”

My eyes widened as I looked over at her, stopping abruptly in my track. “Wh-what? That is not what I said.”

“They killed those people, what happened in Sokovia is their fault.”

I shook my head, unable to believe her words. She did not believe that. “Natasha, what are you talking about?”

“I’m with you, Nads, they should feel terrible, all that blood is on their hands.”

“No, it isn’t!” The way my voice sounded surprized me; I’d never spoken to Nat like that. “It’s not their fault, they were just doing what they thought was right, they were trying to protect those people.” My chest rose and fell rapidly.

A slow, knowing smile spread across Natasha’s lips. The moment it appeared I realized what she was doing, recognized it. A scowl took over my face immediately. “Well, that was surprisingly easy.” I rolled my eyes at her, crossing my arms over my chest. “I honestly wasn’t sure if I’d break you, it’s never been that easy before, you must really care about them.”

I huffed exasperatedly, turning sharply on my heel, and walking away from the smug redhead. “Fuck off, honestly.”

Thank you so much for reading xx

[wishbrightdreams]

Reinvention Progress Diary #7:

Hiya dreamers! 💖 OK wow it’s been a crazy two weeks since I updated everyone. First off, I switched some meds around so I was letting my body get adjusted to that. Second, I had to go to the ER for something (I’m fine) and a follow up with another specialist. So far this year has been quite eventful for me to say the least.

I’ve been sticking to my new habits pretty well except for one of them which I’ll explain down below:

Me weekly progress:

Green Juice: Just started getting back into this one today, so I’ve only drank it once in the past two weeks. 🙈

Self-Talk Tapes: I’ve been mainly listening to manifestation related affirmation tapes on YouTube each morning. I also listen to subliminals and frequency audio!

Journaling: I’ve been off and on this the last little while, doing it when I feel like it. I’m just doing mainly stream of consciousness journaling or scripting!

Next week I will focus on:

Drinking more of my green juice in the mornings! I got this really nice powder greens mix that I like, I just have to remember to take it. I’m so groggy in the mornings and I forget to do things easily. I’m completely off of caffeine now!

Till next time dreamers! ✨

[ray-of-midnight-storm]

(Feat. My dog Bruknė respect her or get nuked, also my water bottle in the background that I respect and love more than the church, river Styx bless that water bottle 🙏)

Prolly should say something…..

Hi name’s Ray (that’s a nickname I gave myself)

Minor.

I’m an INFP, my enneagram is 2w1 :]

I love poetry, art and music plus dancin my cultures traditional dances!

I finished art and dance school and I have the gifted kid burnout syndrome (yay 😭)

Perfectionist since birth, lonely since kindergarten, the weird and sensitive kid who cried way too much in elementary (still do)

(NOT LONLEY ANYMORE WOOOOOO I HAVE A BEST FRIEND AND A FRIEND WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)

(@rosees3ray cause man you’re my nr. 1 bro for life)

Prolly touched starved not sure tho, I like painting! My favourite band is Arctic monkeys. And queen, the Beatles, ABBA shaped my childhood (along Lithuanian artists and singing tales)

Orange 🍊 juice 🤝 apple 🍎 juice

I am a daughter of Apollo

PJO AND HOO ARE MY LIFE AHHHHHHHHH

I like Greek mythology! If you couldn’t tell heh ^^

Cat person 🐈🐈🐈🐈

Capitalism can kiss my ass 🤠🔪

A poet/philosopher who has an existential crisis at least 7 times a week (I’m on meds dw my overthinking goin brrr)

STILL ON MEDS BUT MY ANXIETY WENT BYE BYE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT SCARED OF PEOPLE ANYMORE. Update I am so scared of people guys 💀

A proud Lithuanian 🇱🇹🇱🇹🇱🇹🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡

I had a butterfly phase during covid and now I remember some weird facts about butterflies 🦋

ALSO had and origami phase during covid so now I remember how to fold a Crain like it’s nothing

(heh I’m so swag and amazing and swag😎)

I had panic attacks for almost 2 years. THEY GONE NOW MOTHERFUCKERSSS (If anyone need help or advice with that or anything in general I’m all ears!!!!)

I do believe that every person has a colour (no I will not elaborate 🤠🔪)

A hufflepuff (I’m not really into Harry Potter but I just like knowing I’m a hufflepuff)

My favorite shoes are converse! <3

A marvel girl :] (dc fans fuck off)

My first comfort character was puss in boots

Hope you got to know me a little ☺️ I love tumblr and you guys so much I feel like at home on this site <3

[writersmorgue]

Febuwhump Day 7 - Suffering in Silence

I would like to preface this by saying I did NOT do much research for this so if you know much about first aid I am so sorry.

TWs in tags || read on Ao3 || wc: 1,817

◈━◈━◈━◈━◈

Hanta saw this video the other day, about how parents could hear the most blood-curdling screams but only panic when their children are suddenly silent. 

Well, he thinks he knows the feeling. His friends are always loud, if in different ways. Mina is always squealing happily about something or another, Eijirou is always making noise, clanging weights in the gym or singing badly in the communal showers, Denki is always talking, always humming or stimming or body slamming into the nearest person he trusts not to punch him on instinct. Kyoka is always drumming on some surface or humming in the quiet of the lounge. 

And Katsuki, he’s just… Katsuki. If you asked anyone to describe him in one word, it would be loud. 

He thinks if any of them ever stopped making noise, he would be very concerned. 

So that’s why when the loudest person in their class announces he’s going for a solo hike during their squad camping trip, Hanta, ever the mom-friend, allows him to go with just a handheld radio and some flares. 

My quirk is a flare, dumbass. 

Hey, you never know!!

And then the scheduled return time passes, and he never shows back up. There’s no noise 

“I’m going to go look for him,” Eijirou checks his watch for the nth time, gathering his backpack and hastily shoving their med kit inside, “he probably wandered off the trail.”

They all know that’s not what happened. Katsuki is a stickler for rules, no way in hell would he have strayed from the path, and it’s unlikely he ignored to return time unless his phone or watch were dead. Even then, his survival skills are fantastic, he’d have come back by now. 

Which means something is wrong. 

Hanta chuckles thinly, “Or he wanted some more alone time, I’ll go with. Kyoka you should come too.”

They head out after confirming channels with Mina and Denki. 

Eijirou nervously fidgets with his fabric bracelet as they trace Katsuki’s supposed hiking path. “You don’t think he was like… kidnapped or something, right?” 

Kyoka shakes her head and removes her ear jack from the ground, “Nah, we’d know. Even if he couldn’t use his quirk he can still yell loud as fuck.” She offers no alternative. 

“Sensei and our parents are the only ones who know we’re here anyway, it’s not like Ka- like last time.” Hanta glances at Ejiirou warily. The kidnapping first year is still a rough subject for all of them, but he knows Eijirou was affected almost as much as Katsuki is even after almost two years. 

“Yeah.” Eijirou nods, reassured but still visibly anxious. 

They step out into a sort of clearing, leading to a steep incline and cliff with a small lake beneath it. There’s an inky smudge on the cliffside and the occasional resilient weed poking from the gray rocks. 

Hanta cups his hands around his mouth and yells Katsuki’s name a few times. “Well, he was definitely here. Do you think he went swimming?” Hanta suggests, walking down to the rocky mini-beach. 

Eijirou looks more concerned than before, but steps forward with Hanta, “No, he hates water. Nullifies his quirk.”

Hanta turns back to Kyoka, “You could try your quirk again.” 

Her expression startles him. Her eyes are wide, her mouth pressed into a thin line. But her ear jacks are still close to her head, so he isn’t sure-

She breaks off into a dead sprint, shoving past Eijirou and Hanta before they even have time to question her. Her radio and phone are tossed back as a last thought, but Hanta knows she still has her headphones on her, so whatever it is must be pretty urgent.

And then he spots it. 

A limp, pale hand jutting out of the water, wedged in the jagged rocks at the bottom of the cliff. It’s so distant that Hanta can barely make it out, but it falls directly below the smudge. 

Soot. From an explosion. 

Fuck, he thinks, just as Eijirou voices it before tossing his radio as well and jumping in. 

Kyoka has almost made it to Katsuki, because it can only be Katsuki under there, and takes a deep breath before submerging her head. 

Please, fuck please let him be okay. 

Hanta scrambles toward the water before remembering his training and pulling out his own radio. 

First sending an SOS to the emergency line on his own, he then radios back to Mina and Denki on Eijirou’s. 

“Did you find him?” Denki’s voice crackles through. 

“Uh,” Hanta falters, looking from the radio to the water. Three of his friends are now under there and he has no fucking idea what the situation is, “listen, Denki. I don’t know how bad it is yet, but we need Aizawa or someone to come-”

There’s a splash, and Hanta’s head shoots up, Eijirou’s head flings out of the water. A soggy head of blond hair resting on his shoulder, “HANTA!” He screeches, more desperate than Hanta’s ever heard. “TAPE! TAPE!” 

Kyoka’s head pops up next, gasping. Her arms flail as she tries to regain her buoyancy. “WE NEED DENKI HERE NOW!!”

Hanta flounders for a mere second before shooting into action. He arches his elbow and shoots a long rope of tape out to the edge of the lake. Eijirou immediately grabs onto the end, taking Kyouka’s hand as Hanta reels them in with a grunt. 

He jams the SOS button on this radio as well and yells at Denki to look at the sky in the direction they walked earlier, “Do you see the tape?” He arches his other arm and shoots another line into the sky. 

Denki is silent for a moment before he grunts an affirmative, and Hanta can tell he’s running. 

Eijirou finally makes it to shore, dragging Katsuki’s limp body with him. 

Well, not quite limp, he looks like he’s having some sort of seizure. 

“Hyp-poxic c-convulsion,” Kyoka stutters, body shivering severely. It’s cold enough to warrant Katsuki wearing a scarf and gloves, which Eijirou is actively stripping him of. Hanta can’t imagine how cold they must be. 

Denki enters the clearing just as Eijirou begins chest compressions, Hanta shouts at Mina to run back and grab all of their blankets. She’s frozen at the scene before her, but eventually nods hesitantly and turns back around. 

“Denki, shock him, you need to-” Eijirou is still pumping at Katsuki’s chest, so focused that Denki has to practically shove him off. 

“Back!” He shouts, rubbing his hands together and summoning his quirk. 

Kyoka yanks Eijirou away from Katsuki and cuffs his hands with her ear jack. 

Denki takes a deep breath and closes his eyes before resting his hands and pulsing electricity into Katsuki’s chest. 

Katsuki’s chest arches, the movement so unnatural and controlled that it sends a shiver down Hanta’s spine. 

Denki checks his pulse and resumes chest compressions, jaw clenching. They all collectively wince when they hear a dull snap. 

Mina comes racing back into the open, throwing the blankets on the ground next to Eijirou and sliding to her knees. 

“What’s happening?” A stern, tinny voice speaks out of Mina’s phone. 

Oh, Aizawa. Good call. 

“Katsuki went on a hike alone he must have fallen off the cliff. It looks like he tried to use his quirk but he ended up propelling himself into the water. He has a head injury, and probably needs stitches.” Kyoka relays with a dangerously monotone voice, the vigorous shaking has subsided for the most part.

Hanta’s eyes travel to where Eijirou is sitting near Katsuki’s head. His hand is pressing gauze against a bleeding wound on the upper part of his forehead. The skin around it is a shocking dark purple in comparison to the pale, almost blue tint of his skin. 

Kyoka continues, “He was underwater for an unknown length of time, when we pulled him out he was convulsing. Weak, irregular pulse. Hanta?” 

Hanta scoots forward, moving around Denki to press his fingers to Katsuki’s pulse point. 

“Weak, irregular.” He says, looking up at Mina’s phone as if Aizawa will climb out himself and fix all their problems. 

“Kaminari, shock him again, then check his pulse and tell me.”

Hanta removes his hands and allows Denki to take control again. 

“CLEAR!” He shouts, activating his quirk. Katsuki’s eyelids flutter this time, giving them a glimpse of his severely bloodshot eyes. 

Denki leans down and checks, “Heartbeat, no breathing.”

“Rescue breaths,” Aizawa instructs. 

Denki shuffles to Katsuki’s side, tilting his head up and plugging his nose. He presses their mouths together and breathes several times. Katsuki’s chest moves steadily with each exhale. 

“Is his chest rising?” 

“Yes.” Hanta and Mina both respond, staring as they wait for something to happen. 

Denki shifts back to chest compressions, blood smeared on his cheek from Katsuki’s head. 

“How long has he been above water-”

Katsuki’s eyes shoot open, pink liquid bubbling up from his mouth as he chokes. 

Mina gasps, “He’s-!” 

“Move him on his side!” Aizawa yells from the phone. 

Eijirou holds his head steady as they roll him, his chest heaving as water spews from his mouth and nose. 

“Fuck, is this good? Please tell me this is a good thing, I don’t know what to do,” Eijirou leans over Katsuki’s head, trying to see his face. 

“Kirishima, breathe.” Kyoka places a hand on his back, but Hanta can tell she’s panicking too. 

Denki reaches forward to check his pulse again, sighing when he feels something. He pulls out his phone with the other hand and holds it in front of Katsuki’s mouth. They breathe a collective sigh of relief when it barely fogs. 

“Steady pulse, he’s breathing.” Denki exhales, watching Eijirou’s arm as he rubs shaky circles into Katsuki’s back. 

“Send me your coordinates, we will be there in ten. Make sure he stays breathing, you hear me?” Aizawa grumbles, “I have to call his parents, call me back if his condition worsens.”

The call clicks off, three beeps cutting into the thick silence. 

Katsuki wheezes. 

“Holy fuck.” Hanta breathes, finding a truckload of emotion hitting him all at once. 

They almost lost him. They almost lost Katsuki to a stupid cliff. No villains, no fighting, just an unfortunate accident.

Katsuki spits up again, and Hanta looks down at the pool of water draining from his pale lips. 

Just… some water. 

Eijirou crumples, sobbing into Katsuki’s shoulder. He drags his fingers through wet blond hair, avoiding the wound that has finally stopped gushing blood.

“I… can’t believe that just happened.” Mina whispers, new manicure crusted with dirt, her knees scuffed and bleeding. 

“Yeah.” Denki nods, pulling himself away from Katsuki and into Kyoka’s side. 

“He’s going to be okay.” Hanta asserts, pulling one of the blankets over Katsuki’s shoulders and taking one of his hands. “He’s fine.”

He’ll say it as many times as he needs to.