#I’m not ready for her to go yet
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hey fam, my cat scully has been acting oddly the last week or so. she’s 12, so she isn’t young. I’ve been crying off and on all week and finally got a vet appointment to check her over this morning. long story short, she’s old and has arthritis, needs to be on a gastrointestinal food / diet, needs joint supplements, fluids, and also pain meds. all in all, today’s vet visit is $450 (: if you can help AT ALL, please send money to my PayPal. this will all be going to her bills, and if I have anything extra I’ll be sending it to organizations for Palestine, trans rights, lgbtq+ rights, and things like that. if you aren’t able to spare any money that’s totally okay! please consider reblogging, tho, as money is really tight and bills are never ending (and our savings is almost nothing now).
https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/mgourde
#vet visit#cat#sickness#illness#mobile blogging.#scully is my baby. I’ve had her since she was 5#I’m not ready for her to go yet
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Hey everyone! Happy Monday!!
Well, Monday has kicked me right in the middle of my back, because my back injury is acting up pretty badly, and it’s hard to move around today.
Not only that, but all my excitement towards introducing Persie’s new ship has turned to anxiety and I don’t think I want to create yet another side blog for her. If I do end up doing anything with her, I’ll just post it here on my main, same with Lili, R’angi, etc. She’s never been as developed as Hali or Yume, so I’m second guessing the whole side blog for her, especially when I’m still struggling with all the details and I am not even close to getting a profile finished for her. I do have some gposes I did over the weekend that I could post eventually, but that’s about it for now.
Silver lining though, I wrote a bunch on my Yume/Zenos WIP and that might be ready to go later this week, so perhaps I should be focusing on that plus keeping up with Hali and Glamtober for now.
Anyways, hope Monday didn’t hurt too bad for y’all, and I wish you a happy rest of your day, night, whenever!!! 🥰💖
#ooc#yeah I realized that I’m not ready to post about Persie and her ship yet#and when I do I’m not going to make a full blog for her#I will focus on Hali and Yume instead
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I don’t think I mentioned it here but…Koa is also making the big move across the pond and coming to France in December!!
#dogblr#sheltie#shetland sheepdog#koa#2023#she’s got her plane ticket#all of her health stuff done and ready to go#and she’ll be staying here for good#i have SUCH mixed feelings about this still#cons - my mom doesn’t have a yard yet#cons - she’ll have to take her to work which can prove a little difficult for Koa at times#pros - she’ll be in FRANCE and right THERE#pros - i haven’t seen her in a YEAR#cons - but she’ll leave her yard forever#and her yard has been *her* territory *her* space for 5 years#i’m afraid she’ll take a bit of time to adjust to her new lifestyle#my mom does plan on buying a house with a yard for her#but in a year#so Koa will have to be patient#but gosh!!! i’m so excited to see her!!!#i’m in desperate need of Koa time
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Mirage is at Roscoe’s tomorrow for the first elimination episode…oh please dont tell me 🫣
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she finally stopped sleeping on my head and went back to sleeping in my arms, thank god
#the pupperino#i’m gonna be sad in the tags now.#god willing she should still have a few years but her kidney disease has progressed#she’s lost a lot of weight and her creatinine levels are a good bit higher than her last vet visit#it’s not her time yet luckily; again we should have a few more years with her#but i’m going to lose her sooner rather than later and i’m never going to be ready for that#raised this little brat from a kitten. i’ve had her since i was 14 and i’m in my 30’s. i can’t even think about it too hard
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what if. Amy “fix-it” because hallucifer makes sam so paranoid about dean leaving for no reason that sam gives in and follows him and is witness to the whole thing
#hallucifer: wow. big brother really trusts us. (beat) so something’s up right? we know it’s never this easy.#sam: (visibly restraining himself from saying shut up. about to grab his scar.)#hallucifer: (aware he’s about to be banished) don’t listen to me if you want but. I’m just trying to help.#don’t blame me if you look in the papers tomorrow and find a obit for your brain-eating girlfriend. and… what was her kid’s name again?#sam: (touching the scar. not pressing down. face all screwed up.) || hallucifer: :3 it’s not like it’ll hurt anyone#if he really does trust you he doesn’t even have to know we’re following him. *and* you’ll know your brother still trusts you.#even when I’m here. maybe he won’t even punch you again. that still hurting?#sam: (grimace. because yeah. it does.) || hallucifer: door number two - he thinks you’ve lost it and he’s going to stab that woman to death.#so what’s it gonna be Sam? ready to gamble your friend’s life on if Dean gives a shit about your opinion?#[and that’s the point where sam goes to follow dean. still doesn’t talk to Lucifer. not there yet. but oh hallucifer is sooo pleased with#himself about this. because he’s Sam. and he picks up on what Sam doesn’t. and he could see all of Dean’s little giveaways that Sam was#turning a blind eye to. and now here’s the perfect opportunity to put a wedge between them and get sam to trust him more <3)#GOD. FUCK. IM UPSET NOW. WHY WASNT HALLUCIFER IN THAT EPISODE. MOST OF THE EPISODES?#such a good fucking concept. squandered.#anyway. idk if sam saves Amy but he DEFINITELY here’s Dean’s little speech to her about how she can’t change.#hallucifer with faux sympathy like (sigh) damn. well. i always told you what he was like. Michael. Michael-sword. no difference.#both of them want us dead the moment we step out of line.#and Sam just frozen there in horror with Lucifer’s voice sinking in. and he believes him. how can he not. with dean proving him right#hallucifer#spn#sam winchester#amy pond
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possibly my most self-indulgent oc yet & guess what. she’s for obey me
#obey me#oc : himura no chiyoko#the no is there for a reason#i love chiyoko… so much… ok what if :#you were essentially the heir of a clan of space pirates (not that that’s all the himura is but u get the picture) and. also somehow d#descended from a demon… and also you were kind of a sports star… and you came from 500 years in the future… and (during sport) you jumped#into the heart of a dying star after your childhood best friend / first love and somehow you end up in 21st century london so you do your#best & you generally do OK except said bff died going thru the star & you didn’t cos of ur demon heritage so you’re just alone here. so you#start various relationships all of which end with you getting your heartbroken because you’ve been in love with the same person since u#were 8 and ur not ready for the 21st century dating scene and then#you get abducted into what is basically hell as a ‘human’ exchange student when half of the time you Are Blue.#so you think OK maybe this is how i get home maybe they can time travel except they’re all DICKS to you and you (you are like 23/24 by the#way) cry in your closet every day because it’s just a Lot and then you FALL IN LOVE WITH SOME OF THEM and they seem to love u back#and for the first time since u left home u feel like maybe u can have a family again. because u left ur fam behind when u jumped into the#dying star remember. but then#this freak in the attic KILLS YOU and none of them do anything about it#so you move in with the hottie next door (mephisto)#but you are 1. hopeless 2. romantic 3. stupid 4. beautiful so you eventually rekindle things … and maybe even w the guy who killed u#idk i’m undecided if she romances belphie yet#we got mephisto lucifer mammon & levi for sure. maybe 4 husbands is enough for her#OH YEAH. AND YOURE STILL GRIEVING YOUR DEAD BFF/GF. UNTIL YOU REALISE YOURE ONLY STILL GRIEVING BECAUSE ITS ALL YOU HAVE OF HOME.#anyway that’s chiyoko 🥰
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#tonight was just exhausting#i literally worked all day with my kiddo at home with me#and then made dinner right after I got off work#and then got myself and beba ready to go see my parents#mom is waiting for a call from the doctor to give us either good news or bad news#fingers crossed it’s good news#but I spent the whole day wondering when she’d get the call#and was worried she was waiting till I came over today to give me bad news#but that’s not the case they just haven’t called her yet#which I think is a good sign#anyways#went over there had a decent time#then came home got beba ready for bed did the dishes#and now I’m having girl dinner#which is just Turkey sticks cheese sticks and crackers#😮💨😮💨😮💨😮💨😔😔😔😔😔😔#I’m exhausted
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guess who had to backtrack the entire nightsong confrontation because she assumed the tiefling rescue mission was part of assaulting moonrise towers
#I AM SO DUMB#but. on the bright side I got astarion romance advancement (IM FINE….)#and the funniest Balthazor death ever#okay so story time: imagine you are tunes. you have a bug that’s stopping u from long resting and resetting all ur aoe spells. you don’t yet#realise this bug can be circumvented by an npc killing ur girl then reviving her - you get down to nightsong you prepare to fight#you get bodied three whole attempts.#let’s trying surprising balthazor and not even triggering his opening dialogue you say!#you get bodied three more times#alright! you seethe - unable to use your best buffs and debuffs as a bard#fuck this guy let’s see if we can move his skeletons - see if it changes were the corpses are summoned#so you painstakingly sneak-push every bone pile u can feasibly reach until they’re all piled neatly at the cliff face ready to be walloped#by the grenades you’ve been stockpiling for 60 hours. but you don’t have hope#surely they’re all just going to spawn in the same place anyways and I’m going to have wasted time#you have Shadowheart cast silence - AND LO AND BEHOLD? THE BONES ARE WHERE THEYRE SUMMONED#YOU BODY BALTHAZOR#YOU CACKLE SO LOUDLY THE DOG SLEEPING ON YOUR FEET JERKS AWAKE#YOU LOSE YOUR MIND U CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WORKED#tunes talks bg
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Astarion was the one who wanted to sacrifice the girl for power so he gets to be the one to eat this hag’s gross fucking hair have fun bb <3
#baldur's gate iii#bg3 astarion#I’m buffing his wisdom because I want him to be ready in case he ever has to make a save#also I think we need it because nobody in my party can perceive for shit#man I really feel like I made all the exact wrong choices in that encounter though#I killed the hag but let mayrina die because I couldn’t figure out how to get her out of the cage#so I reloaded my save and saved mayrina but forgot to toggle off non lethal attacks from when we fought the mind controlled pawns#then I intimidated the hag to both give us power and let mayrina go#but now she’s still alive to hurt more people and mayrina hates me#because her husband is still dead and she’s stuck raising a child she can’t afford#THEN I unpetrified the dwarf but he fucking died immediately from his illness#MAN SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HER BROTHERS ARE DEAD YET
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speaking of work I have to get back on it so I have enough room to do everything, and so I can disappear on the days I’m set to disappear during november. peace out, if you need me. don’t.
#my ramblings#practically my catchphrase#the thing is since director’s leaving the programs probably going to end which means I’ll eventually take a demotion#but. after the director leaves we’ll have to have the interns finish out their year. and I’m going to have to facilitate ON MY OWN#instead of actually working with someone#so! I end up with more work no matter what#and I’m going to make sure boss knows this.#I doubt a temporary pay bump will be in the cards#but I do think I want her to know that it has been a pattern where people with more responsibility end up in unsustainable positions#(BECAUSE OF HER ABSENCE)#and end up leaving the role#(WHICH CAUSES MORE WORK FOR EVERYONE IN THE LONG RUN)#well I want her to know that but I’m not ready to sour the professional relationship yet.#we’ll see if she makes time for me.
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I still have 5 hours left in my shift 😭😭😭
#I just….#really wanna go home today#not having a good day. I started my period this morning and then I got to work and found out only me and one other opener were there but our#opening manager wasn’t here yet so she was late and we spent the next 20 minutes rushing to get everything set up before we opened#and then we immediately started getting customers and it’s just been busy and I’m tired and just don’t feel good bc of my period#and then so far I’ve had 2 of my least favorite customers come through the drive thru where I’m working#one is this dude who’s just fucking annoying another is the guy that asked for my number a few months ago who I haven’t seen since I turned#him down so I took his order and then made someone else deal with him at the window#and then it got busy with everyone ordering drinks like hot coffees which meant I had to walk from our drive thru out to the lobby bc my#coffees were out bc everyone wants coffee today but when I would do that I would still have to be taking orders#and then someone cleared a few specialty coffees off the barista screen without making them while the person was sitting in the drive thru#so I had to make those while doing other stuff too and people were asking me questions#and I was just getting very overstimulated and annoyed plus I’m hungry#and I just want to leave and go home and sleep but it’s my best friend’s birthday so she’s probably gonna want to do something later but I#just don’t feel up to it and I know she’s probably ready to hang out because she’s been off for 10 days with Covid so she’s well rested now#for her birthday but 😭😭😭 I just want to crash into my bed so hard and not wake up until noon tomorrow#also the coworker I work with every day and don’t like is here today unfortunately#and also all of the speakers we use to play music in the back are dead right now and I just want to play music#first world problems but I have so little patience today
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#it’s taken me over a year to get over the girl who i thought i was going to marry#i made sure to have grieved and gotten over her completely#if i didn’t do this process then the next person i’m talking to / my partner would of had to deal with my old feelings#bc that’s not fair to them#i don’t even know if i’m ready for love yet i wanna put myself back out there#it’s scary#i’m afraid of rejection. i’m afraid of being cheated on. i’m afraid of someone falling out of love#i’m so afraid of everything bc i put in 110% into who i fall for and if i can’t get that back? i don’t want it#sigh
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turns out playing a lot of dmc primed me really well for fighting games
#I’m still not anywhere near good but I’ve got a better handle on it than I thought I would#but I’m already beating hard cpus without any real trouble#bridget is so fun I’ve taken to her so quick#haven’t done any online matches yet#I’ll go through a couple of story modes first#but I’m ready to get annihilated#guilty gear#devil may cry
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ugh i feel so self conscious and paranoid bc of something that happened if sasha doesn’t win tonight i’m actually gonna stab my self or something i swear
#txt#like .. my gf was ignoring me all of fourth period today. the only class we have together#and during lunch she still jsut seemed . so uninterested? i guess? and didn’t seem to care abt anything i said#she just talked to her other friends the whole time during both class and lunch and it just makes me feel like. idk.#did she realize she doesn’t actually want to be with me? did i do something wrong? do her friends not like me??#j don’t know because her friends in fourth period haven’t ever really spoken to me but it’s like. idk. because i feel like a lot of people#in that class don’t like me. like i feel like a self centered bitch for saying it but i’m like#one of the only people who try in that class. yknow. do they hate me because of that? is it because i’m bad at talking to people?#is it because i’m very obviously queer? is it becuase i’m always either too quiet or too loud? is it because i’m fat? is it because#yeah.#i don’t know and she just hasn’t said anything fo me about plans or anything since she asked me out did she realize i’m going to be#so bad at being ina relationship. like this would be the first real actual thing and it’s just so hard for me to understand if#i did something wrong#and i’m worried becuase she did just get out of a bad situationship where they were fwb#and i don’t know if i’m ready for that yet. but she is because she already has and i don’t know how to feel abt that.#i just don’t understand why she asked me out is she gonna reveal in a week it was just a joke and i’m dumb for believing it#i don’t know i’m scared
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i have to go to bed early tonight bc i promised my manager i’d be at work a little early so she can leave to go see something her daughter is doing at school
#i love her so much so i don’t mind but i’m also like. not tired yet and i need to sleep before midnight so that i’m not trying to sleep too#late in the morning i wanna wake up at 6 and get ready and then maybe go back to sleep for a short while and then wake up and go to work ???#idk i’ll figure it out but for now all i know is i want abby !!!!!!!!! i want her so baaaaad!!!!!!!!! also i’m gonna get stoned#it’s only 10:40 i have times#time
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