#I’m not mad like I knew it was delayed. But the thing is EVERYONE KNEW IT WAS DELAYED.
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fisherrprince · 2 months ago
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hamiltonaf · 11 months ago
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Can you do one with Kylian being very jealous of yn all the time and every time she talks to a guy friend he gets mad and makes a big fuss about it and yn gets tired of him and wants to leave him but then he gets upset and begs for forgiveness but she is so tired of his bullshit and want to take a break from the relationship but after 1-2 months they get back together and he got jealous again so she wants to know why he is like that and it turned out that his ex girlfriend cheated on him multiple times so he had trust issues and she assured him that she wasn’t going to do the same thing
Trust Issues | Kylian Mbappé
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Pairing: Kylian Mbappé x Female Reader
Word Count: 2.1K
Warnings: Minor angst
A/N: Hii loves ! I’m finally back. Apologies for being MIA, I had a lot going on, plus I had writers block. I’m sorry in advance if the end is disappointing - I honestly feel like I forgot how to write lol. If you’ve sent a request before, please note that I’m working on it. Anywho, enjoy .xoxo
Never thought I’d come to a point in life where I had to cut off all my guy friends for Kylian’s sake. I’ve told myself in the past that if I had to face that in a relationship then I’m walking out. Mentally I’m playing hangman with Kylian’s name.
I love Kylian, I really do, it’s also cute at times to see him get jealous but when it comes to a point when he tells me that I need to stop talking to my guy friend then I don’t vibe with that. He’s basically saying that he doesn’t trust me.
We’ve fought, he apologised, I looked past it for us to move on, but he just crossed the line.
I went out for a friend’s birthday dinner, Kylian decided to stay back and chill at home, though he promised he would pick me up after. The birthday dinner felt like a reunion as some of us were seeing each other after years, it was great catching up with everyone, especially Daniel. Him and I were really close growing up as our parents were good friends, but since I moved and was with Kylian I rarely attended gatherings.
It was getting quite late and Kylian was delayed, I didn’t bother rushing him since Daniel was accompanying me and we were just catching up on lost time. We were stood outside the restaurant, dinner had just ended, some had left and others were in their own conversations. “So how are things going? What have you been up to ?” Daniel eagerly asked. “Well, I’m in my final year of studying so it’s been a bit much but I’m coping. How are things going for you ?” I replied. “Life is great. Can’t complain” he smiled proudly. “Still running your parent’s empire I suppose” I smiled. “Nothing has changed” he grinned.
“Good for you Dan. You’re living the dream” I half laughed. “I’m living the dream ?” He scoffed. “Yeah of course ! You’re travelling literally every other month, flying first class and living the good life” I said. “Yeah but you’re the one dating the football player !” He stated. “Speaking of him, let me just check how far he is” I paused to check my phone if perhaps Kylian called or messaged. Nothing.
Just as I locked my phone, my head turned when I heard a car rev in the distance, he’s here. “Oh look. There he is” I said as both of our heads snapped to Kylian pulling up beside us. Daniel leaned towards the car as Kylian rolled down the window, “Hey man, I’m Daniel” he introduced himself. “Nice to meet you. I’m Kylian” Kylian shook his hand. “Heard a lot about you. We should meet up soon, I’ll message (Y/N)” Daniel suggested. “Yeah sure” Kylian said lastly. “Take care bro” Daniel said before pulling me in for a hug. “Bye Dan. Until next time” I murmured. “Until then. Ciao” he said as his hand rubbed my back before breaking away from our hug.
I got into the car and immediately I could feel the tension in the air. “Hi baby” I smiled as I leaned in to kiss his cheek. He didn’t say anything or react, he just remained stiff. I knew what was coming and I wasn’t ready to face the drama for the umpteenth time. Choosing not to say anything in the car until we got home was the best decision. The second the door shut, he didn’t surprised me by being the one to bring it up. “What was that ?” He raised his voice. “What was what ?” I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Who even was that Daniel guy ? I was there for only a minute and I could see the way he was looking at you. You both seemed to enjoy that hug a little too much” he said. I scoffed, “Are you being serious right now ?”
“Do I look like I’m joking ?” He yelled annoyed. “You have honestly lost it !” I yelled as I turned my back on him and stormed towards our room. “(Y/N) I’m talking to you !” He yelled for me as he followed me to the room. “How the hell can you say we enjoyed that hug a little too much. Are you trying to call me a cheater ?” I raised my voice as I turned around to face him. “You’re just putting words into my mouth. My point is that if another person had seen you both together, they would think you’re a couple. I don’t want you seeing him again” he said.
“You know what Kylian ? I’m done” I huffed. “What do you mean done ?” He asked baffled. “I mean that I can’t do this anymore. I can’t continue being in a relationship where my own boyfriend doesn’t even trust me or allows me to talk to other guy friends of mine without assuming I’m cheating. I’m living a lie by staying in this relationship. Go find yourself a girlfriend that you can control because I’m not that girl” I said before getting a bag and packing it with my belongings.
“Babe please don’t do this. I swear I’m not trying to control you. I’ll admit that I got jealous, okay ? But please don’t go. I love you so much, what will I do without you ?” he pleaded and tried to stop me from packing but I continued.
“No Kylian ! Today you literally crossed the line, I couldn’t care so much for the other guys you said I need to stop talking to, but the fact that Daniel and I go way back and now you want me to cut off our friendship ? He’s basically apart of my family because his parents and my parents are friends. Kylian…I’m so tired honestly of us going back and forth. It just bothers me that Daniel attempted to be your friend in that minute you met but instead you ignore all of that and insinuate that I cheated ? Get some help because I need a break from your shit…this has gone past jealousy” I said in anger, I didn’t have it in me to cry.
“(Y/N) please. I’ll change okay ? I’ll do better. But please don’t go. Please give me another chance” he begged. “Kylian I gave you way too many chances. I can’t believe how long I’ve dealt with this and didn’t leave sooner” I said as I zipped up my bag. “So that’s it ? You’re just going to throw away a 2 year relationship ?” He asked. “All I know right now is that we need space away from each other. I love you Kylian, I do, but I think it’s best for the both of us” I pressed my lips together as I threw my bag over my shoulder. “So we’re over ?” He asked teary eyed. “I- please don’t make this harder than it already is” my voice cracked as I looked up in hopes that my tears would disappear.
“Babe you can’t give up on us. We’re meant for each other” he said as he grabbed my hands and rubbed small circles at the back of them. “Kylian, consider this a break rather than a break up. We can both wisely use this time to focus on ourselves…if we’re meant to be, we’ll find our way back to each other.”
Those were the last words I’ve said to him face-to-face. I left that night and ended up staying at my parent’s house. They were surprised to see me and were quick to ask where Kylian was, I just lied that he’s travelling for an away game. 2 weeks of staying with my parents raised suspicion and they figured out that something was wrong, my mom especially. I told my mom exactly what happened and luckily she took the hint to not talk about it.
Not a day passed that I didn’t receive a message from Kylian. Countless ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’ flooded my phone daily, it wasn’t easy taking this time to focus on myself when he was on my mind all day. Whilst making his message clear, he indirectly would ask for us to talk it out and as much as it hurts, I refused. No point in us getting back together if he’s going to go back to square one.
After about a week, I caved in and started replying back to his messages. Eventually easing in to phone calls and FaceTimes. It’s been 3 weeks since that day I called on a break, today I decided it’s time to meet and talk things out.
He seemed sincere and genuine when we met, of course I couldn’t help but give him another chance. We were meeting for one week as if we were in love all over again and after that one week, we’re back together.
Daniel was in town and he wanted to meet up, I happily accepted his lunch invite and was looking forward to rekindling our friendship. Kylian was at training so I thought I’d get ready in the meantime until he was back.
“Ma chérie !” He called as he entered. “In the room, Ky !” I yelled. He came into the room and whistled behind me. “You look beautiful” he said as he placed a kiss on my neck. “Thank you babe” I blushed. “Where are you going ?” He asked as he walked over to sit at the edge of the bed. “I’m going out for lunch with Daniel” I said casually. “Wait, what !” He asked as he stood up. “Why ? I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t see him ?” He said as he changed his tone. I dropped my mascara on the counter and stood up, “Are you back to this nonsense where I can’t have guy friends ?” I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Do you not know how the story goes about childhood guy friends falling for their girl friends ?” He stood up to stand arms length away from me. “No, Kylian ! That’s not how the story goes. Do you not know it takes two people to be in love which hello ? I’m obviously not.” I said as I started to grow angry. “(Y/N), you don’t know how a guys mind works” he said as he shut his eyes for a second. “Before I walk out of this relationship one more time, could you care to explain your reasoning behind why I can’t have guy friends ?” I raised a brow. His face softened when he heard me mention walking out.
“Babe please no . I’m sorry” he rushed over to me to hold my hands in his. I pulled my hands away from his grip, “Explain Kylian…I can’t continue entertaining this.” He sighed and dropped his head before mustering up the courage. “I have trust issues because of my ex” he admitted. I was shocked. “Well, what happened ?” I asked curiously.
“I trusted her and was never one to question anything she did until I found out she cheated on me with those guys she called her friends. Soo…I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst, I was heartbroken and felt betrayed. It’s been hard for me to accept having trust. It’s not you babe, I promise I trust you, I just fear that your guy friends will convince you to leave me and walk away from our relationship. I can’t bare losing you, not again after the break” he said as he got emo. “Aww Ky” I pouted as I pulled him in for a hug. We never left each others embrace for a few minutes until Kylian broke away to kiss my forehead.
“I’m glad I got that off my chest. You deserved to know. I love you so much and I’m sorry for my behaviour. I’m trying to be a better boyfriend for you after our break so please be patient with me” he pouted. “I get it now. Thank you for being honest babe” I gave him a quick peck on his lips. “You can go out with Daniel, I won’t stop you any longer” he sighed. “Look, as your girlfriend, I want to help you through this. Remember Daniel suggested you guys going out ? Well why don’t you join us, I’ll send him a message and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. That way you have an idea of what Daniel is like and you have a peace of mind. Also, it’s not just about trusting Daniel, I would like if you and Daniel could be friends. I mean the man is practically family” I half laughed before sending a message to Daniel. “Shame I feel bad now for hating on the guy” he sighed. “Well what he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him” I winked then sent the message.
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backtothefanfiction · 9 months ago
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Rain Grows | Aramis x Reader Imagine
Summary: sometimes we all just need a good cry.
Length: Short
Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, depressed feelings
A/N: as usual at the moment, I’m feeling very emotional and angsty and need some hurt comfort from one of my boys. Tonight I chose Aramis.
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It was like someone had blown out the candle inside you. The one that kept things running. Your spark. Your hope. Now- there was nothing.
You had always been known for your joy. Your bright smile. That small skip in your step. You had kind words for everyone. But now- now you just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.
The moment the candle went out, it was like a delay, the smoke making you hazy as you aimlessly wandered around the market in a daze. All the usual faces tried to say “hi” to you, but you couldn’t seem to say it back. You couldn’t even give them your usual toothy grin. Your new polite tight lipped smile became the hushed talk of the market- and it only made you feel worse.
When one of the older ladies finally asked you if you were okay, it made your heart ache. You didn’t know what to do. You didn’t know how to act. This had never happened to you before. Then suddenly his name was echoing around your hollow skull. Your knight in roughed up leathers. He always made your heart skip a beat and brought a smile to your lips and a blush to your cheeks. You just had to see Aramis and everything would be okay.
When you got to the garrison it was empty, most of the musketeers- the inseparables included- were all up at the palace and not due back for a while yet. So you decided to wait. And wait. And then wait some more.
Feeling hollow and empty, you sat yourself on the steps that lead up to the Captain’s office and you waited. Your fingers fiddled idly with your skirts, the rough fabric rubbing against your fingertips grounding you and giving you something to focus on as you waited for the time to pass. 20 minutes. Half an hour. 1 hour. 2. 3.
When it began to rain, you still didn’t move. The cold drops of early spring rain hit the back of your neck- your arms- droplets running down and soaking into your clothes. But you didn’t care. You barely noticed. You had completely checked out, that empty darkness seeping out and wrapping its tendrils around every fibre of your being. You were vaguely aware of the passing looks of the stable hands and a few passing musketeers, but you never looked, never paid them attention, just kept your focus on your one mission. Waiting for Aramis and not completely falling apart until he got here.
*****
“Ahhh, I do love the rain.” Aramis hummed to himself and smiled as he took his hat off and allowed the water to wash over him.
“He’s mad.” D’Artagnan muttered to Porthos and Athos as the four of them made their way back down the street towards the garrison.
Porthos chuckled, “Is that so?” He said to his friend, clapping him on the shoulder, “because I remember just last week you said you hated it.”
“Ahh yes, but that’s because it was still Winter then my friend.” Aramis said back, “Spring is here now. The birds are returning, the flowers are blooming,” his fingers reached to brush across the petals of a couple of blooming flowers in a window box they passed.
“And it’s not so cold.” Athos finished Aramis’ sentence for him, in his usual droll tone.
“Exactly!” Aramis smiled enthusiastically, sweeping his hat back onto his head.
“Afternoon boys.” A fellow Musketeer said as he made his way in the opposite direction, away from the garrison from where he had just come.
“Benoit.” They each greeted him, none of them intending to stop, until he did.
“Umm, Aramis, you should know, there’s a young woman waiting for you. Been there a while.”
“Does this lady have a name?” Athos asked.
“She didn’t say, was just asking after Aramis, but I think it’s that girl who works down at the tavern on-“
Aramis didn’t need Benoit to say which tavern, he already knew it was you. But you never visited him at work. You’d seek him out in the tavern- sure- but you never sought him out outside of your work. “How long has she been waiting?” He asked.
“I’d say just gone 3 hours.” Benoit replied before he began to start walking in the direction of his next destination again.
“3 hours?” Porthos said.
“In this weather?” D’Artagnan added.
“Shit, it must be really bad.” Porthos continued, a hint of amusement beginning to fill his voice as he prepared to make a joke and mock his closest friend, “Don’t tell me you got her knocked up?” He began to joke, but Aramis’s face had grown serious.
He ignored his friends as he began to pick up speed, his brisk walk turning into a light jog as he left them behind to run on ahead. You had been waiting for him for over three hours. Why? It had to have been important if you were willing to stay there and wait in the rain for him.
His pace slowed as he came through the gate to the garrison, your rain soaked body near frozen on the stairs as you looked down at your fingers. He found himself pulling his hat off of his head in respect. His steps towards you were slow and tentative, as if he were stalking an animal in the woods, not wishing to startle it, just get a better look. He suddenly froze mere feet away from you as Porthos’s booming and defensive voice grew closer to the gate, making you look up at him like a startled deer.
“Hey- hey…” he said in ever softer tones as if to soothe you and make sure you were okay, “it’s okay.” He said. You both looked away from each other to his brothers as they came into view of the gate, their hesitating eyes locking on the two of you and your more somber faces, each giving you both a silent nod of acknowledgment before passing by and making their way inside.
“You should come inside,” Aramis said, taking another gentle step closer to you, “dry off-“ but his words got trapped in his throat when your eyes met his. They were so scared. So worried. “What is it? What’s happened?” He asked, placing his foot up on the bottom step and leaning in to you, his fingers instinctively reaching out for your face. He forced you to keep your eyes on him. Silently reassured you that he saw your pain and had no intention of averting his eye or looking away.
You had no words. You thought the moment you saw him it would magically make things better, but it didn’t. You didn’t know what else to do now. You had waited in the rain all afternoon in the hopes that you would see his face and it would make everything okay. Now you were just wet. Empty and wet. Your chest sagged, heart breaking and suddenly the dam broke too. Tears filled your eyes and big chest wracking sobs burst free. Aramis quickly shucked off his jacket, wrapping it around your shoulders. He then sat himself beside you on the step and wrapped you in his arms.
His embrace was comforting, the smell of his leather familiar. He kissed the top of your head as you just cried. Your tears mingled with the rain on your cheeks and after a few attempts of trying to brush them away for you, Aramis just gave up and held you tighter and continued to let you cry. “There, there,” he cooed softly as he slowly rocked you back and forth on the step, “let it all out.”
“I’m sorry.” Your broken voice said between sobs, but he wouldn’t accept it.
“Now, now, there’s nothing to be sorry about.” He said with another kiss to the top of your wet head.
After another few minutes wrapped up in his embrace, your sobs began to break. “There, there.” He continued to gently say, “it’s okay, I’ve got you,” he repeated, until your breathing was finally under control again and your tears ceased to fall anymore, the rain seaming to also grow lighter too.
As you pushed yourself up away from his chest, wiping at your face as you tried to meet his eyes, his own hands moving to replace your own to do the task for you, you slowly attempted to find your voice once more. “I’m sorry.” You said again. “I just-“ but you couldn’t find the words to explain what happened… because truly you didn’t know what happened, but with his presence, his kindness and warmth, the safety of his arms protecting you as you allowed yourself to shatter into a million pieces, it somehow eased the tension in your chest. You still felt a little bit empty, but now you felt lighter.
“It’s okay.” He said to you again as he smoothed back a sopping wet strand of your hair from your face. Already he could see the light in your eyes returning. He looked hesitantly down to your lips, then back up to your eyes. He’d wanted to kiss them for a while, the way you’d nibble on them and blush when you saw him and give him not your big smiles you gave to everyone else, but your smaller adorable, bashful and intimate ones. But now, knowing he meant so much to you that when you were hurting, he was the only one you’d share your vulnerability with, it made him want to kiss you even more. But now was not the time. Instead he decided to use his mouth instead to distract. “Do you know why I love the rain?” He asks you, his fingers reaching out to intertwine with your cold ones as he looks out towards the gates of the garrison.
“No.” You reply as you carefully watch his face from the side, the corners of his lips turning up as the dark clouds above began to pass and make way for a clearer skies.
“Because it washes away the old and makes everything clean, ready to start a fresh.” He says proudly, his chest puffing up slightly as he turns his head to share his grin with you and it makes the corners of your own mouth twitch, a faint ghost of a smile slowly gracing your features, observing his boy like wonder about the world.
“It also,” he continues, his thumb rubbing gently across the back of your hand, “brings life.” He smiles. “It waters the plants and helps the flowers to bloom and the crops to grow. There’s so much wonder in the rain. Everyone gets so caught up in it, you know. Their clothes get wet and the shoes get muddy. But it’s so much more than that. Plus,” he says, standing and pulling you up with him, “when it eventually passes and the sun begins to shine again, sometimes,” he says, pulling you into the centre of the garrison, his eyes moving in small searching flashes to the sky until they stop and he too stops, turning you in the right direction to see what he does, “you get to see truly rare beauty that no amount of money in the world could buy.”
His hands rest on your shoulders from behind and his finger points up to the sky- and there you see it, faint at first, but slowly growing stronger. A rainbow. It makes you smile. A full one this time too. You feel his body relax behind you at the sight of it and you can’t help but relax back into him again, your smile growing content.
“See, even the sky cries some times.” He says into your ear, and you can feel the smile on his lips with how close his mouth is to it.
“And maybe it sends rainbows to let us know it was a good cry.” You turn your head and smile at him.
He beams, a small breathy chuckle escaping his lips. With a warm twinkle in his eye, he kisses your temple in agreement. “Sometimes we all just need a good cry.” He confirms.
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httpknjoon · 2 years ago
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(re)starting over again | kth; 10
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plot | Your four-year relationship with Taehyung was going well and strong. Until he was involved in a car accident, resulting to him losing some memories. By some, it means everything that happened five years ago. Things he remember? His friends, his bakeshop, and his ex girlfriend from the past. With that, you tried to keep up, restarting over again.
words | 4.3k+
genres | fluff, angst, amnesia au
pairing | taehyung x reader
warning/s | -
note | oh my god. hi, everyone! i'm still alive haha i apologize for the *long* delay. may wasn't my month 🙃 but now, i'm here and I split this chapter, so expect a 10.5. this is A LOT OF ANGST. no fluff for now. just full-on gloomy. also, i'll be replying to everyone who sent their asks soon! tysm for sending 'em. again, i apologize for the delay! enjoy reading :)
main masterlist | series masterlist
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Someone’s a little gloomy today.
The sound of echoing thunder woke you up today, along with the rings of your alarm in your phone. 5:15 AM. You groaned as the brightness from your phone’s screen hit your vision. After five more minutes of just staring at the most uninteresting wall in your room, you get up from your bed to prepare for work.
Unsurprisingly, your head feels heavy and so is your chest and eyes. Every step of your bare foot on the ground strangely felt like you were floating into space. The weather is cozy and cold, but you didn’t even flinch when the cold water hits your skin. You stood under the shower, the heater not even on, just staring at your feet.
I mean, he could have told me.
The sentence popped into your head. There is this part of you that is in between the scale of angry and sad after knowing about Lily visiting the bakeshop and talking to Taehyung. You wondered if Taehyung even had planned on telling you or if he don’t think he should have told you. You are starting to think he was only friendlier with you these past few days because he learned what happened between him and Lily.  You’re beginning to think that he is only nicer to you now after bad their relationship went.
But did he even owe me that? I’m basically a stranger to him.
Another idea, opposite the other one, crossed your mind. You always try to be understanding and put yourself in his shoes in this confusing situation. The fact that your boyfriend doesn’t really have any idea who you are always staying in the back of your head. It’s always there as a reminder that Taehyung doesn’t know you. And his not telling you that he met up with his ex-girlfriend days ago confirmed that you are probably someone in the background for him. Someone… who suddenly lives in this house with him.
And thanks to that confirmation, more questions were formed by your brain.
You shut your eyes close and turned your head up, feeling the waterdrops on your face. Sighing, “Who even am I here?”
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Taehyung, what am I even to you here?
The question floats in Taehyung’s head over and over again. The pain and confusion in your voice also play on a loop, adding weight to his shoulders and thorns in his throat. He wished he could answer that question easily, but he can’t. Seeing someone who treated him with care and kindness break down in front of him because of him is a slap on his face.
Because Lily is your girlfriend… right?
More guilt built up in him when he learned that you were aware that he still initially saw Lily as his girlfriend after he woke from the accident. It surprised him to hear you say that you cannot be mad with that. When you said that, he almost instantly wanted you to be angry at him, to let out every emotion you were feeling at the time.
Because you are too considerate and kind… and patient with him and this situation you’ve been put into. You didn’t even have to stay; you could’ve just left him the moment the doctor told you about his amnesia and all. But you stayed… and even looked after him for a whole month. Looking back at everything now, he knew. He should have just told you.
He thought you would be mad at him for reaching out to an ex. He didn’t know how you would react if he asked about Lily. He didn’t know you and he admit that was his fault. He has been working on knowing you these past few days, but now after last night, it felt too late. He should have made an effort earlier than this. As much as he hates it, Taehyung’s list of should haves is getting longer.
Now, a tray of chocolate chip cookies bakes in this oven you two have in your kitchen. He decided to make some after having trouble sleeping. He was shifting and turning on his bed for hours, possibly because of two causes: his head injury and you. Earlier, you were talking about how much you’ve been craving cookies. He knows that his cookies cannot resolve what’s going on right now, but he hoped that they will make you feel better. Even a little.
Taehyung managed to sleep for a couple of hours but still woke up later two hours past midnight. He quietly prepares and bakes the ingredients for the cookies. He was quick as it was the easiest pastry he can make. By the time he was putting the tray in the oven, he heard grumbles of thunder.
Should I put it in the jar? Or…
Almost thirty minutes past three, Taehyung yawned as he waited for the cookies to cool down before he stores them. He looked around your kitchen. In these quiet moments, he is finally starting to notice some details in some corners of this place. Particularly, the kitchen.  He wondered if he picked the color of the walls or what to put in it when you two bought the house. His curiosity begins to grow about what you built together throughout your four-year relationship.
He wondered how great everything was before he lost his memories of the last five years.
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You were supposed to leave at six o clock. But you didn’t realize how much you took your time with your thoughts that you ended up leaving twenty minutes late than your plan. Rushing to leave, you didn’t bother for breakfast and ran straight to the front door in your scrubs and jacket with backpack and umbrella in hand. If you still have time to spare when you arrive at the hospital, you’ll just buy something in its cafeteria.
As you get off the bus, you speed-walk to the hospital. You were too in a hurry to recognize who greeted you along the way, but you just greeted them back anyway. By the time you reached the locker room, you were catching your breath with less than ten minutes left to prepare for your shift.
Thank God, Jisoo’s not here. You sighed when you looked at yourself in front of the small mirror in your locker. Your eyes… were puffy. It’s not that bad. But everyone who will look directly at your eyes would tell the difference. You hoped no one else would notice.
“Good morning!”
Your eyebrows raised. Julia’s jolly greeting filled the quiet room when she entered. A couple of nurses who were also there greeted her back while you hid behind your locker door, trying to think of a quick remedy or even an explanation for your eyes. Because next to Jisoo, Julia is your closest friend here. She started working here two years ago. Her kind and sociable nature made her a friend to everyone. You three immediately went friends during a mutual graveyard shift schedule.
“Hey, YN. Good morning.” she opened her locker, which was next to yours.
You gulped, “Good morning, Ju.”
After one last look in the mirror, you closed the door. Julia was busy organizing her things in the locker, while she continues speaking.
“Jisoo’s already on break for her wedding, right?” she asked, still not giving you a glance.
“Ah, yes. For only one week though.” You replied, trying to act normal. You don’t know if you should go or wait for her to time in since you two usually do—with Jisoo if your shift schedule match up.
“You know, my dress for the weekend is still in the— Oh, what happened?”
In a quick glance, she immediately spotted a certain emotion on your face. Concern was written all over her face as she stopped and faced you.
“W-What?” you chuckled awkwardly, looking away.
“Why did you cry? What’s going on?” she asked softly, still worried. “Are you okay?”
Oh, that question. You don’t know what the hell that question has, it always breaks you down. You bit your lower lip as you looked back at Julia. You tried to hold on to the strings that were putting you together.
You sighed shakingly, “Yeah.”
A small, sad smile formed on her lips, “You sure?”
You feel like if you try to say anything again, it will just turn into a sob. So, you just nod. Unexpectedly, she reached out her arms and hugged you. Julia knew something was wrong. Well, she can definitely read through your eyes and the simple quirk of your lips that you probably don’t know you do whenever you’re bothered or tired. She can even feel the weight you’ve been carrying in an embrace.
“How about let’s go out together later? After this shift?” she offered.
 
“Sure.” You agreed, washing down any effort to put a useless mask on your emotions.
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The cookies that he left on the kitchen counter for you were left untouched. He left it in a Tupperware, something that can fit in your backpack, along with a small post-it, written: cookies u can bring @ your shift today :)
He likes to think that the Tupperware probably went unnoticed by you instead of thinking that you ignored it. But what if you did? The idea of you being mad at him scares him.
“I swear, whoever will eat those cupcakes would choke on rainbow sprinkles.” Jimin entered the kitchen when Taehyung was just spacing out. He hung his coat behind the door and put on his apron. “What’s up?”
“Hmm?”
Jimin went on, “I arrived twenty minutes late and you already made two batches of blueberry cupcakes, one tray of snickerdoodles, and a lot of banana bread. What’s going on?”
Taehyung stared at him for a second, having battles in his head if he should tell his best friend about what happened. Jimin didn’t fail to remind him about telling you about Lily. And if he learns how you reacted last night—Oh, just sucked it up. Taehyung exhaled.
“YN learned about Lily.”
Jimin raised an eyebrow, “You told her?”
“She found through Lily herself,” Taehyung replied and he can read the confusion on his friend’s face.
“Huh?”
Taehyung went on telling how you and Lily introduced yourselves, how you introduced yourself as his friend, how Lily shared that she visited the bakeshop just last week, and how you remained quiet and bottled up with emotions until you two went home.
“She was so upset, she didn’t want to talk about it,” Taehyung recalled. “But she just broke down and she is still so nice in the middle of telling me how she feels. She told me that she cannot be mad at me for meeting up with Lily or for everything else. Because she understands. She always understands and I’m sure she is a wonderful person– but… But I really didn’t just give us a chance. She reminded me that we also happened after asking me who is she in this whole thing.”
He paused, remembering almost every word you said to him last night. He was too busy chasing what happened five years ago that he ignored someone and something important in his present time. 
“Then, who is she to you?” his best friend asked.
“I… I don’t know.” Taehyung sighed, unsure. “But she’s not a stranger. Calling her a stranger would be an insult. I know she’s much more than that.”
There was a few seconds of silence. Taehyung looked down, resting his hands on his working table. Jimin just pats his shoulder for comfort. He knew saying things like I told you so or anything close to that is just useless. Taehyung already knew what he had done, he don’t need more reminders that he probably fucked up. 
“Well, you need to figure that out.” 
“I know.”
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“I don’t know anymore, Ju.”
You wiped off the tears on your cheek as you confessed. Finally, after a whole day shift at the hospital, you get to open up to someone. As soon as you two left the hospital and changed into your casual clothes, Julia drove you two to her apartment since you don’t really feel like going anywhere. She ordered pizza and non-alcoholic drinks, which were delivered just minutes after you two arrived there.
No time was wasted. She didn’t even have to ask again for you to open up. For the last forty minutes, you’ve been telling whatever you feel like sharing to your friend. It did take off some weight on your chest as she listened and nods.
“I mean, I know that he’s just trying to know what happened between him and his ex. But I cannot understand why he didn’t tell me… Or maybe ask me about it. I know something about it. He told me how they broke up years ago. He told me what went wrong. Just like how I shared experiences with my past relationships too. And that’s how it used to be.” You reached for another tissue Julia offered. “We used to tell each other everything. Communication and honesty always mattered to him.”
“And it would have been nice if he let me know about his plans on talking with Lily. It’s perfectly fine by me. But he didn’t and now I’m starting to feel that he sees me as nothing. Just a person around him, who lives in the same house as him—or worse, he sees me as someone who just looks after him… like his nurse.”
The last thought squeezed your heart out. Taehyung even had a hard time introducing you yesterday to Lily. You took the initiative to introduce yourself to his ex as his friend. You don’t know what to feel about it. Should you be mad or sad? But can you blame him? You can never blame Taehyung. You always try to understand what he went through with that accident and what he is going through now. But as much as you hate to admit it…
“I feel like I’m burning out. I’m fucking drained.”
Another tear rolled down your cheeks while you shake your head. Saying that sentence felt like a confession of a crime. You don’t know why. You didn’t follow with another sentence again. Julia gave you a glass of water to help you calm down.
“You can take a break too, you know?” she whispered as you gulped in the liquid down your throat. “You can pause…”
Julia was gentle with her tone and choice of words.
“I think, you've already done enough. You took a month's leave to take care of Taehyung, to at least help him adjust to these big changes happen. You waited for him to ask about you or your relationship, which he did– Well, he tried. You are great. You were nothing caring and understanding for him and your relationship.” She paused and held your hand, preparing you for what she is about to say. “But he… he just has his eyes on people he knew before you.”
You almost hissed with the harsh sentiment of your friend. It felt like someone pulled the band-aid off your fresh, unhealed wound. But still, it felt like you needed to hear that. Julia, on the other hand, saw you flinch and held your palm tighter. 
She continued, “The Taehyung you met before the accident is different from the Taehyung you live together now. As you said, five years ago, he went through a breakup with his ex. That breakup may have caused changes in him that made him into the Taehyung you initially met.”
It’s complicated. But you get what she is trying to say. A lot of things happened in Taehyung’s life before you two crossed paths. He broke up with Lily, and his bakery began to hit success and invest in other stuff in his life. A lot of other changes happened. Then, you two met through mutual friends.
“And please, YN, let yourself feel things.” Julia spoke suddenly, making you meet her gaze, “It’s unhealthy. Be sad, be mad, or be happy. Or simply take a break if you feel like it. Don’t deny yourself of feeling anything. You can be mad.” She said it like a reminder. “You have every right to feel so. I know you’re trying to justify Taehyung reaching out to an ex behind your back as part of this knotty situation. But at least, out of respect to you, he should have at least told you before or after he did so.”
“That’s why you’re so burnout right now, hon. You’ve done nothing but give and give. You forgot about your limits too… Are you even still okay working in the same hospital after everything?”
She asked and almost instantly, you remembered the night of the accident. You were waiting for your boyfriend to pick you up in the same spot you always waited in. Then, you received this call. Next thing you know, you’re seeing him getting pulled out of the ambulance. Bloody and bruised. Your stomach twisted with the recollection of his state that night. Thankfully, Julia called your name, snapping you out of your trance.
“Just know that you’re not alone in any of this. You don’t have to carry everything on your own. Jisoo and I are always here for you.  And I really appreciate you opening up to me now.” She smiled softly before pulling you in for another hug.
After that hug, you two moved on to lighter topics. You asked her about her preparation for Jisoo and Namjoon’s special day at the end of the week. She talked about Chanyeol, her plus-one for the wedding. She shared about how things are going and you’re genuinely happy to see her happy. You ended up leaving at seven. Julia offered to drive you home, but you kindly refused, saying you need to be alone for a short while.
“Okay, just let me know when you got home.” She smiled and of course, was enveloped in the warmest hug you’ve ever received recently.
Just like when you left home earlier, the sky was dark and gloomy as you wait at the bus stop. Raindrops began falling just minutes after you got on the bus. You sat on the farthest empty seat your eyes spotted. Watching the raindrop rolling on the glass window, you thought about Julia and everything she said.
Change.
You wondered if change can help your emotional burnout while leaning your head on the cold surface of the vehicle. Truthfully, working in the same hospital after the accident is difficult. The first day you returned after your month-long leave you found yourself stopping in your tracks at every spot your feet took you that night of the accident. You also don’t enjoy the pity glances or smiles you get from your colleagues who knew about the accident. There were times, someone would approach you and say something nice or motivational. You appreciate the effort but it’s making your work more of a reminder than a distraction for what happened.
You get off the bus with a new idea and even more uncertainties in mind. You still felt like a deflating balloon floating your way to get home. After your breakdown, you wonder how Taehyung would react. He seemed pretty quiet last night. The Taehyung you know would prefer talking with you to at least mend these issues. But now, you’re really just tired and would rather organize your thoughts alone.
And when you walked up your front porch, you stopped as you saw the lights on in the kitchen. He’s home early. You turned the knob, preparing yourself with any awkward tension that is always suffocating. Walking in, a delicious smell of flavor filled your nostrils. You’re not planning to say anything but then, he greeted you.
“Oh, hey…”
It was short but soft. His lips formed a small, tight smile. He was indeed cooking as he holds a wooden spatula and you can hear the crinkling sound in the pan. You noticed he is wearing a familiar apron and a headband, exposing his forehead, to avoid his jet-black hair in sticking on the sweaty corners of his forehead.
“Hey.” you greeted back, forcing a polite smile on your lips. “You’re home?”
Taehyung noted the lack of any emotion in your voice or even eyes. You just looked exhausted. But he replied, “Yeah, we kinda closed early.  Sold out.”
He smiled again, hoping that maybe you would smile back at him. You didn’t. Instead, you zipped your lips. And there it is. The awkward silence took over--not only the kitchen—but the whole house. He looked at you and you looked at him. It didn’t even last a couple of seconds. You looked away again, scratching your eyebrow.  
“I should probably go—”
“I’m making dinner. Maybe—"
You two broke off the silence at the same time. You waited for him to continue but his nod asked you to resume.
“Yeah, uhm, I should go to my room.” You mumbled, not meeting his eyes. You just can’t.
It’s Taehyung’s turn to scratch the back of his neck, “Uhm, I made dinner. I was wondering if we can eat together.”
You timidly shake your head, “I’m kinda full… I had pizza with Julia. But thank you for the offer though.”
You were about to leave, wanting to leave this room since you were having the hardest time breathing with the thick tension. But Taehyung called your name,
“I was hoping we can talk… about everything.”
You turned around, finally looking at him. Suddenly, his heartbeat was louder than anything else for him. He can already see the rejection on your face. Like you’re not in the mood for anything that had to do with him. But he wishes his deduction is wrong. On the flip side, you can see his fingers fiddling with the spatula as he said that.
You exhaled, “I can’t, Taehyung. I really had a long day. I’m sorry—”
“No, it’s okay. Don’t apologize. We can talk whenever you’re ready.” He awkwardly raised his hands for thumbs-up. He saw your worried eyes landing on the dish he cooked. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll store it when it cools down. You can microwave it later if you get hungry.”
A simple, worn-out nod was your only reply before leaving him alone. His smile slowly fades as he turned down his chin.
He waited. Patiently. The morning after that, he waited for you to leave for work before he does. He goes home before you do. He prepared breakfasts and dinners for you, but you always seemed to be running late going to work and exhausted when you get home. And the rainy season didn’t stop. Taehyung once offered to walk you at least to the bus stop when you had a graveyard shift. He’s glad you didn’t decline and walked side by side with him under the umbrella.
“You know, you don’t have to do any of this.” You murmured in the middle of that five-minute walk to the bus stop. You were just looking ahead as you resumed, “You’re not obligated to do anything with me.”
“I wanted to do this.” He replied, glancing at you, hoping that he will meet your eyes. But he didn’t.
You didn’t say anything anymore. Even when you got on the bus and he handed you the extra umbrella he brought. But he really did. Even though you two haven’t really done a lot of activities together, he liked doing things with you or for you.
Now it’s been days since you broke down, you two still haven’t talked about it. Jimin told him to be patient and give you time. But the more time he gives you, the more he felt like you were already slowly drifting away from him.
“Are you sure? We still have space for another passenger.”
Taehyung heard you from the living room as he pulled his small luggage out of his room. He wore a white collared button-down, with the sleeves folded before it reached his elbows, tucked in beige suit pants.
“Okay, Ju. See you there. Take care.”
Your smile fades as you ended the call. With every emotion washed out on your face, you glanced up at him. Your eyes simply scanned him from head to toe before you spoke, “Let’s go?”
Jisoo and Namjoon will be having their rehearsal and the following dinner in the same area as their wedding. It’s in the same event place as their wedding venue. The couple already prepared rooms for a few guests, so that you can stay overnight for the wedding tomorrow. You, Taehyung, and Jimin will be carpooling in a rented car, with Jimin taking the wheel for an almost two-hour drive straight to the dinner event.
“Be careful, it’s fragile.”
You teased Jimin as he helped you carry the wedding gift for your soon-to-be-wedded friends. Taehyung carried yours and his luggage to the car.
“I am careful.” Jimin scoffed.
“Oh, I apologize. I’m just worried. You do have small hands.” You jested that made Taehyung choke and laugh.
“Ha. Ha. Ha.” His best friend laughed dryly, squinting his eyes at you. “You two are bullies! It’s not that small.”
You chuckled once again before stopping when Taehyung opened the backseat door for you.
“Thanks.” You mumbled.
Taehyung sat on the passenger seat while Jimin took the wheel. In the first quarter of the ride, you still managed to join chit-chat. Jimin was the one who sparked up topics, which you were grateful for as you don’t know what would happen if it’s just you and Taehyung in this car. But as time went on, you yawned and slowly lost yourself to take a nap.
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a/n: i'm thinking of updating/resetting the taglist for this series. kindly comment below if you still want to be tagged. thank you so much for your support <3
taglist rules
RESTARTING OVER AGAIN TAGLIST [closed] @halesandy @boohoobabe @hopeonysus  @taffyteffy @pnlpbnl  @arusio @rpkth @cinnamonruts @xyahrinx @betysotelo18 @sugaslittlekookies  @doublebunv @dahliasbouqet @lust-kth @aria-grace-scott  @milkteallday  @hoodalmighty  @kiwuki @http-fayeradise  @daydreamiies @starlight-night0 @chaoticbisous @mageprincess7 @byunniebaekhyunnie @hiimnothing @koreanaestheticc @shin-ie @blancflms​ @jeonkoookiee​ @satorinnie​ @rjsmochii​ @yoonglesdoll​ @somewhereinthestarss​ @turnthepageandbeburnt​ @heyjiminnie​ @bri-mal​ @teddybeartaetae​ @kaal-ee​ @nikkiordonez12​ @motivatedprocastinator​ @butterflieshee @iamkookiesforyou
  PERMANENT TAGLIST
@dunixxd @cixrosie @jksjx @embrace-themagic @buttvi @starbtslove @missseoulite @vanntaesworld @kenqki @miyukihoshi @stopeatread @seolaquotes @greyrain23 @chimchimmarie @petalsofink @jayhope88  @moonchild1
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ferida-kahlo · 1 year ago
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(WIP teaser) Hotline - updated!
Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader
Summary: You and Mikey have been casually seeing each other for a few weeks. After a late night text from him, you make the drunken insomniac executive decision of calling him back. Naughtiness ensues.
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Warnings: Mature content - this teaser consists mostly of fluff and flirting (+ blink-and-you-miss-it angst). Mentions of sex (generic), phone sex / flirting, sexual themes, suggestive talk, alcohol consumption, mentions of insomnia. Minors DNI.
A/N: thank you to everyone for the love on my previous fics, and sorry for the delay on this one! It's coming (pun intended), just slower than I anticipated. Life's been hectic. For my fellow literature / classical studies nerds, the quote at the beggining is from the book I am currently reading, "Fire from Heaven" by Mary Renault. Being obsessed with Alexander the Great was not on my 2023 bingo, but neither was Michael Berzatto, so oh well.
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His feelings were confused; he wanted to grasp till Alexander's very bones were somehow engulfed within himself, but knew this to be wicked and mad; he would kill anyone who harmed a hair of his head…
… you yawned at the page you’d been reading (i.e., staring at without absorbing a single bit of information) before turning your head to the nightstand and seeing the clock mark 2:49 am.
“Good god”, you whispered, tiredly rubbing your face with one hand, while the other reached for the half-full glass of red wine keeping you company in your insomnia.
Technically, you knew drinking was the last thing you should be doing on a weeknight, when you were having a hard time falling asleep and were expected at work in the morning. But living alone was really not helping you be accountable and behave like a responsible adult with bills to pay. So, you slowly sip your wine, read your book, and hope that eventually your brain will give up and allow you to pass out for at least a few hours.
Suddenly, your phone lights up with a text. Michael B., it says on the screen. A pang of excitement hits you, and you immediately scoff for reacting so earnestly to a text from a guy you’ve been with (not even biblically, just the daytime coffee dates that people with busy lives manage to pack into a crazy week) for a grand total of two times and less than two hours, overall. Not pathetic at all.
Still, you can’t help but reach for the phone.
Hey, I know it’s late and you probably won’t read this until morning, sorry. Wanna have dinner at that spot we talked about? I can pick you up at the office ;) – Mike
You smile, and without really thinking, hit the call button.
He picks up quickly, an amused tone in his voice. “Well, I was not expecting that. What the hell are you still doing up, princess? No work tomorrow?”
You laugh. “God, I wish. I just can’t sleep. Haven’t had one of these nights in a while… my brain won’t shut up, even though I’m so tired I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck”.
“Ooof. That fucking sucks.”
“Yup.”
“Well, I’m glad to be your booty call in this desperate time.”
“Michael”, you laugh so hard you choke on some wine and must set the glass back on the table. “I really don’t think that’s what this is”.
“Oh, no?”, he feigns innocence.
“No…”, chuckling, you continue with the most sultry, mock-seductive voice you can muster “… a booty call is if I was like: Sooo, Mikey… are you, like, busy, right now? Do you wanna… come over? I’m aaall alone…”.
You make sure to put particular emphasis on the word ‘come’ and Mike sounds like he is doubling over with laughter. “That was the worst proposition I have ever heard, no doubt”.
“Oh, yeah? Well, you’re officially off my booty call list. I don’t need this kind of negativity in my life.”
“Ah, shit… I fucked up now, didn’t I?”, you swear you can hear his grin from the other end of the line. And picture the laugh lines that form on the corner of his eyes when he smiles genuinely, the rare but so cute nose crinkle that makes your belly flutter…
You would love to get a fucking grip, thank you very much, but the wine was certainly not helping you keep a level head in this flirtatious exchange.
“Well… all is not lost. Taking me out to dinner is a good start to redeem yourself. If your game is on point tomorrow, your booty call list status might be revised… in the not-so-far future”, you add, suggestively.
“Shit. Now the stakes are on. I gotta be on my best behavior tomorrow, then”.
“I don’t know about best behavior…”. You wanna slap yourself for your lack of subtlety.
He chuckles. “So… you like them a little nasty, huh?”
You’re glad he can’t see you blush furiously. “Not like that… but I do like a man who isn’t afraid to… take what he wants. Respectfully, of course.”
“Of course… damn, girl. You’re getting me thinking about all sorts of things…”
“Well, you’re the one who started talking about booty calls. It’s technically your fault”.
“That’s fucking rich. I was being a gentleman, sent you a sweet text and all. Not a single sex reference!”, he says, proudly.
“Ok, that is true”, you concede, laughing softly. “Are you still at the restaurant?”
He sighs deeply. “Yeah… paperwork coming out of my eyeballs. I don’t even understand how the hell I organized this mess”. You hear rustling through the line, and imagine the mess of letters, invoices and bills that must be covering his office desk.
“That fucking sucks”.
“Word”. His chair squeaks loudly. “So… what are you wearing?”
You laugh. “You’re unbelievable”.
“What? I’m just trying to keep the conversation light, you know? Nobody wants to hear about my fuckin’ paperwork at 3 am”.
It was subtle, but you could sense something deeper in his words (sadness? self-deprecation?).
“I wouldn’t mind hearing about your ‘fuckin’ paperwork’ at any time of day, Michael”.
The line goes silent, and you fear you went too deep, too soon. Made this weird in record time, wow.
“I didn’t mean it like… I meant if you want to talk to me about your shitty day, you know, you can, but I don’t want you to be uncomf-”
“Hey, hey, it’s okay sweetheart. I get it… thank you for that”, he says, softly. “Maybe some other time. Right now, I honestly just wanna forget about this for a little while... I was really pumped when you called”.
“That’s okay. Really?” You smile, relieved.
“Yeah, really. So… wanna make a guy happy and tell him what you’re wearing?”
With a chuckle, you concede. “Well, nothing. I’m in bed and I sleep naked, so…”.
There’s a heavy pause. “Holy shit. Are you for real?”
“Um, yeah?”
“Jesus, fuck… baby, you can’t say stuff like that and expect me to be normal about it”.
You grin, having just decided that, actually, you wanna play dirty.
“I didn’t ask you to be normal about it”, you throw back, suggestively. “Besides, I hardly think a woman can be held accountable for what she says after four glasses of wine on a Thursday night… naked and alone, in such a big bed…”
“Now, see, that was a much better pitch for a booty call than the first o-”
“I’m gonna hang up.”
“No, no, no, I’m sorry”, he laughs.
“You’re an asshole”. Even as you say it, you’re smiling.
TBC.
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llovelyclouds · 1 year ago
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notes on cytherea the first
here's all the information about cytherea that i thought seemed relevant during my tlt reread :-)
sorry for the delay halfway through posting these lol! i started school again and got. distracted
(you can find all the other posts from this project here!)
CYTHEREA THE FIRST
titles:
Seventh saint to ascend, second gen, from the seventh
notes from gideon the ninth:
Briefly wanted to be part of the Ninth when she was young, until she found out about the facepaint (although, she’s pretending to be Dulcie here, so maybe not) (gtn. pg. 105)
Was sending Pro’s body to check-up on the lyctoral labs/her old rooms without her, assumed from Pro saying “it’s shut” upon his return from elsewhere in Canaan house (gtn. pg. 108)
Very likely knew about Gideon's parentage, including Wake being her mother, as she comments "nice hair" after the avulsion trial (gtn. pg. 229)
“Do you know, it’s not worth it… none of this is worth it, at all. It’s cruel. It’s so cruel. You are so young- and vital- and alive. Gideon, you’re all right… remember this, and don’t let anyone do it to you ever again. I’m sorry. We take so much. I’m so sorry.” -Cytherea, to Gideon during the avulsion trial. (gtn. pg. 226)
"I more didn't want to die alone.  I didn't want them to put me out of sight. It's a horrible thing to fall out of sight… The Seventh would have sealed me in a beautiful tomb and not talked about me again. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction. So I came here when the Emperor asked me… because I wanted to… even though I knew I came here to die." -Cytherea, to Gideon (gtn. pg. 294)
"If you want to know what I think… I think that you're a cavalier worthy of a lyctor. I want to see that, what you'd become. I wonder if the Reverend Daughter knows what she has in you?" -Cytherea, to Gideon (gtn. pg. 295)
“I didn’t want to do it [lyctorhood] either…I didn’t want to do it at all…but I was dying. Loveday- she was my cavalier- she and I thought it could make me live. Instead I’ve just kept dying, all this time.”- Cytherea, to Palamedes (gtn. pg. 402)
Was planning what happened at Canaan house for 300 years prior (gtn. pg. 402)
notes from harrow the ninth:
“When they first brought her to Canaan House, I thought there'd been some mistake. You know that I'd been to Rhodes, to see the miracle, but I asked not to see the woman- just so I could be a disinterested party- and of course once I saw that she was necromantic I said yes, she should come to me to be a disciple. She was just shy of thirty then, I recall. And I knew she was sick, but I had no idea how bad it was until Loveday brought her in, looking as though she wanted every one of us beaten to death, and she could hardly walk… I went to kiss her hello and she said: ‘Lord, I can’t kiss you back. My lipstick's’ perfect and I refuse to smear it.’”-John, about Cytherea (htn. pg. 119)
The one to say they had the choice to stop (htn. pg. 121)
"'I still think it was a crime of passion. I'm not saying she didn't have other reasons. It's just that I think some of them were heartbreakingly simple. I could have gotten through to her, given time,' said God. 'Time- it's always time- she was overworked and underloved." - John, about Cytherea & Canaan house (htn. pg. 155)
“Everyone liked her. [G1deon] liked her” -John (htn. Pg. 228)
Her favourite conversation to have at parties was debating who had the hottest cavalier (htn. Pg. 278)
Tried to plant a bomb close to the physical form of and RB, didn’t even get close enough to touch the surface, and had herald madness for several weeks (htn. pg. 337)
notes from nona the ninth:
Gave BOE information on obelisks and steles (ntn. pg. 156)
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my-castles-crumbling · 6 months ago
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Hey Cas, Leo Anon.
I have successfully blown up my life since the last ask I sent you, so before you read this entire thing and call me a dick, just know… I know. 
It turns out Leo does still have a crush on me. And I still have a crush on him (it’s one of those annoying crushes that hasn’t just gone away after a month. Or a year. Or two).
He told me he still had a crush to explain his reaction and apologised. I then admitted I still have a crush on him.
And that’s where it all went downhill.
Leo got accepted into his dream university, and told us a few months ago under no certain terms would he dream of delaying going.
So when he said “I could go with you and Benjamin in the gap year” I panicked. (Benny’s my best mate btw, he’s obsessed with the Harry Potter dudes and has been complaining non stop about not having the time to enter your conan fest? Which is true he’s super busy- but he’s excited to read the fics i think cause he’s loves conan gray. Ngl I know nothing abt the Harry Potter fandom, hope that’s chill. He’s how I found this blog actually- and you’re really kind to take the time to read about how i’ve ruined my life). 
Back to the plot. Leo said what he said and I freaked, I didn’t want him coming with us and then resenting me later for him missing uni. 
I told him that’d interfere with me and Benny’s plans to hook up with a bunch of people. 
He got really quiet and sounded really sad as he said he had to go. 
We didn’t have plans to hook up with people. I panicked and lied…
Oh and gets worse. Word got back to Benny’s girl (they’re not technically dating yet but they are) who’s going to a dif country after the summer for skl, and so we were gonna delay our trip where she is so Benny and her could hang.
But she heard what I told Leo abt hooking up and was mad. So I had to do some damage control.
I met up with her and told her only I was hooking up with people, I just didn’t want to hurt Leo’s feelings any more than I had.
She accepted that and her and Benny are chill but word got back to Leo and now he hates me. 
He thinks I lied and I wanted to spend the whole time hooking up with people and he’s never meant anything to me and I don’t care about people. 
If we’re being honest, I wasn’t going to hook up anyone on this trip. I hate hooking you with people. 
Benny said he thinks i’m on the ace spectrum (demi something he said, like the singer idk?) 
It was chill with my first gf, but my ex bf pressured me into it since i’d “already lost my virginity so what?” and then I hooked up with like one other person before deciding it wasn’t really for me.
But I had a rep by then somehow and everyone thought I was some play boy. 
I figured my mates knew that wasn’t true but turns out they all believed the rumours too. 
Point is, Leo thinks he’s “just another on of my hookups” when the most we’ve ever done is make out and I felt more then than anything else i’ve ever done. 
This is stupid. I shouldn’t bother you with my dumb problems. Sorry.
I know I ought to apologise and come clean and stuff but, maybe it’s better if I just leave the friendship fucked up, that way he won’t sacrifice anything for me and I can fuck around the world being cultural and shit. He can do better anyway. 
Hi!
Alright, you need to communicate with him!
You can't lie to make someone else's decisions for them! That's not cool! Look at where it's gotten you!
Please, sit Leo down and tell him everything- including that you don't want him to give up Uni for you. But remember that's his decision. If you like him and maybe want to be in a relationship with him, you need to respect his wants and needs, don't decide for him. Talk together about what's best <3
You're not a bad person, I know you were trying to help him. But the best thing to do is talk about it.
Tell Benny I say hi, and he should come try the fest!
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sinsandsweetness · 2 years ago
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Supression (sex and zombies- chapter 12)
pairing- {Rick x fem!reader}
summary- Rick has some pent up emotions.
warnings- 18+ obviously. MDNI. rough, mean, hate sex? hair pulling, choking, a tiny bit of angst at the end.
notes- you know that song that goes "yeah, he loves me, but he fucks me like he hates my guts" ? sooo... that's basically this. enjoy!
"Ohmygod", you scrambled up from your spot on the gravel, lunging towards Daryl, wrapping your arms around him and digging your face into his jacket.
The five of you looked like absolute hell. Daryls face beaten in, bloody and bruising as the seconds passed. Carl crying as Michonne tried to comfort him. Ricks face and neck slick with another mans blood. This weird haze of something unfamiliar in his eyes. Shock probably. It didn't even look like him. Hands shaky and mind somewhere else. 
You held onto Daryl, tight. You wanted to just break down and cry into his shoulder, but you thought better of it. Trying to keep yourself together, for his sake but more for yours. He held you for a long moment, no words exchanged, just the feeling of both of your heart rates attempting to return to normal. 
Nobody slept well that night. Not for a while. Not even after finding the rest of your family.
In fact, you were so sleep deprived by the time you had all found the church, that both Michonne and Daryl had pulled you aside separately, to see if you were ok. You weren't. But neither was anyone. So you didn't make a big deal out of it.
Rick was... pissed. Angry. Mad at the world. Mad at the Claimers. Mad at Terminus. The fact that his family was put in danger, captured to be killed and eaten right beside him. And... well, mad that not everyone wanted to listen to him. The new recruits from the road had showed up, blabbing about some cure, which sounded like utter bullshit in your opinion. But it didn't matter, Rick wasn't having it either.
Actually, for some unknown reason, Rick didn't seem to be 'having it' with you either. At first you thought it was just the shock. Every event that had happened was so quick and sudden. A lot of different emotions. And it's not like you minded. You were always so understanding, especially when it came to his family, getting Judith back, making sure Carl was okay. That was important. To him and to everyone. But even after things started to cool down, he seemed... off. He barely spoke to you, wouldn't even look in your direction while sitting around the church, picking at cans of whatever vegetable hadn't been so popular. You weren't entirely used to the silent treatment. Knowing that something was wrong but being almost too scared to ask. I mean, hell everything was wrong. So what could he possibly say that would actually make you feel any better?
------------------------
You didn’t have to turn around to know who opened the bus door. You took a breath in, awaiting the unavoidable confrontation. 
“Are you kidding me?” He growled from behind you. The bag in your hand dropped to the floor of the bus. 
“It’s not what you think, I’m just-“ 
He pushed you forward, down the aisle of the bus. Stumbling, you catch yourself on the edge of a seat, turning around to look at him. 
“Yeah you know exactly what it looks like,” 
It looked like you were helping Abe and Eugene. Going against Rick's wishes, and orders. In truth, it was the exact opposite. You were trying to find the keys and hide them. Take their bags and delay them from leaving. You wanted the bus too. For your own friends. Not to get some idiot to DC.
“I know,” you put your hands up slightly.
Rick was amped up from the nights events. Still on edge from the argument in the church only an hour ago.
“I was taking the bags out, not loading them up,” you try to explain.
He knew you were being truthful, but he was still just as unimpressed. “You shouldn’t be out here anyway,” he approached you in the dark bus.
“I was trying to help.”
“Well don’t. Stay inside where it’s safe.”
“So why are you out here then?” 
“I heard you leave. Didn’t want you getting hurt... Again.” He added. Eyes flashing down your body almost too quick to notice.
“As if that was my fault,” you gave him a little attitude. He was being aggressive. For no reason. His anger towards the world being taken out on anyone who was there. 
If looks could kill, you'd of dropped to the floor of the bus. His glare burned into you, hot and mean.
“You think it was mine?” He let out a dry laugh, stepping closer and closer, while you walked backwards until you hit the back of the bus. 
“I didn’t say that,” immediately regretting your tone.
“Mmm but you’re thinkin’ it aren’t you?” He was close now, his eyes almost black in the darkness. 
You shook your head. 
“I’ve never even thought that,” 
“Oh bullshit,”
"It's not bullshit." You were mad now. “You know what's bullshit? That I have done everything you ever wanted, stood by you even at your fucking worst and you still have the nerve to think I would blame you for all this shit." You were up in his face now.
"I have never doubted you. Not for a second. So if you have had any thought that this whole situation we have ourselves in is your fault, that’s a reflection of what you believe, not me.”
He hesitated for a moment. Jaw clenching. 
“What? You realize I’m right? Huh?” You jabbed a finger at his chest. Sick of his attitude. 
“You wanna punching bag? To take it all out on someone? You haven't even talked to me since we found Daryl, and now you wanna pick a damn fight?" You couldn't help but scoff, "Well I’m not your girl. I’ve been on your side every damn step of the way."
“I know that-"
“Then cut it out Rick. I don't deserve this shit.” Now you were the one stepping forward into him, forcing him back. “Don’t be mad at me because you feel bad about what’s happened.”
“Of course I feel bad! I’m supposed to lead this group, I'm supposed to protect you!” He hissed.
“I never asked you to.“
His scowl deepened. Oh that hit a nerve.
"I am doing everything I can to keep this group alive-"
“Well stop it. You can’t control what happens to us Rick. You can't save all of us! We are fighting for our fucking lives in this stupid church and you can’t do anything about it,” you could see his face twitch. That little head tilt. Oh my god it made you wanna climb him. Going weeks without any attention from him, it didn't matter now that he was mad, because at least he was mad at you. 
“We're stuck here with that useless priest, and that mullet wearing prick. They’re gonna get us killed. You think so too, I know you do.” 
“Shut up.” 
“You aren’t in control anymore and you can’t fucking stand it can you-"
He grabbed your face roughly. 
“I said. Shut. Up.” He wasn’t having it. At all. You were only trying to get a rise out of him. And boy was it ever working.
“Fuck you,” you growl. 
To your surprise he brought his head down to yours, smashing your lips together. Kissing you with an intensity you weren't quite familiar with. Despite your anger, you still returned the favour. I mean why else were you egging him on like that, if not to get a little relief. Almost Immediately he started to peel layers off of you. Your coat, jeans, boots. All while kissing, and biting down your neck. 
“I hate you,” you told him quietly, beard scratching at your skin as he peeled your panties off. 
He almost laughed at your comment, suppressed it into your shoulder. He didn’t believe that for a second. 
His jacket and shirt were discarded in the pile of clothes and weapons he'd stripped off of you. 
“Turn around.” He demanded. And so you did, not without a little help from Rick pushing you down onto the bus seat. You let out a sound and your arms jutted out to the window. He wasn’t being gentle. Not like he usually was. Far from it. His rough hands went straight to your hips, and he pushed you even further, face now pressed up against the window. You could only see a faint light from inside the church. Nothing else. Utter darkness of the forest surrounding the two of you. He pushed between your legs, lining himself up to your already soaking wet pussy. Your own body betraying your hostile words. The belt buckle from his jeans was cold on the back of your thigh, causing a little whimper to escape your lips. 
“What’s that about me not being in control?” His hand tangled in your hair, pulling at your scalp. 
“Ah!”
He pushed into you from behind, not giving you any time to adjust. Thrusting rough and fast. His hand digging into your ass, pulling you back against him hard. You didn’t even care to hide the sounds you were making. Unable to do anything except grasp at the man’s hand in your hair. Hoping to ease his grip.
When he did finally ease up, he pulled you back by the hips, so that he was standing and you were closer to the edge of the seat. A palm pressed down on your back, pushing your face against the seat with his other hand still gripping your hip. Pulling you back onto him. Pounding into you hard and hitting a spot inside of you that you didn't even know existed.
You moaned right into the seat. 
Hate sex had always been a favourite. Though historically it was with Daryl, after a particularly bad argument or a day of him acting like an asshole. It felt different with Rick. To feel every emotion that he was trying to hold back, through the force of his thrusts. It was exhilarating. Feeling absolutely used, like his own personal fuck doll. A punching bag to blow off steam. It was so dirty, and fucked up, and turned you on even more.
“Rick-“ you cried out when you knew you were close and your legs started to give out. He didn’t let up, instead choosing to flip you around and onto your back, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as soon as he entered you again. 
His thumb went to your clit, rubbing messy circles as he pounded into you. 
“You like that huh? Being tossed around like a little slut?” He asked. A moan In his ear let him know that yes. Yes you did. 
His hands were grabbing at your waist and your skin so hard you knew he’d leave bruises. 
You couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed at the sound that left you when he lifted both of your legs onto his shoulders. Though he quickly shut you up, with his mouth on yours, muttering something unintelligible against your lips. 
You came hard, squeezing your eyes shut and breathing all heavy, raspy moans. Hands pushing against his stomach. 
“-t’s too much - Rick please,” you couldn't take anymore. 
“Didn’t I tell you to shut up?” he growled into your ear. He placed his hand on your throat, pressing down on the sides, and you heard him swear under his breath. 
You let the next orgasm wash through you as you struggled to breath, your fingernails digging into his wrist, no doubt leaving marks for the next day. Seeing tiny white stars as the pleasure erupted through your core and down the muscles of your legs. He finally let go and you inhaled a sharp breath looking up at him through teary eyes. 
He pulled out and you replaced the hand stroking his cock with your own, letting him come onto your stomach, and up your breasts. 
He let out a shaky breath. 
You were cold now without him so close to you. He grabbed one of your shirts and cleaned you up, helping you get dressed with the rest. Leaving with only a layer less than when you’d gotten on the bus. He plopped down onto the seat next to you, breathing heavy, both of you silently inspecting the pattern on the back of the seat in front of you. 
"Why haven't you talked to me?" you finally just asked. Sick of the silence and sick of not knowing.
He chewed on his lip for a moment. The gears in his head turning, for only you to see.
He sighed and shook his head, not facing you, "You went to him. After they- on the road... You went to him."
He was talking about Daryl. The way you hugged him after Rick bit that guys throat out and gutted his buddy. He was right, you had went to Daryl. But in that moment you didn't even recognize Rick. There was no way he would have made you feel any better. 
Maybe that's what he was so upset about. That he couldn't have been the one to comfort you. To take care of you.
"We didn't even know he was alive I was just-" happy to see him. Scared from the situation, and your instincts told you to go to the closest comfort. Ricks unfocused gaze and the blood dripping down his beard didn't exactly scream comfort.
"It's fine. I'm just- uh," he backtracked.  "You went to him. And my mind... it never stops. I- I just can't stop thinking. Ever. And every time I even look at you...  it gets worse. Thinking about how..." He ran a hand over his face. Not wanting to talk about it anymore. All you wanted was for him to pour his heart out, and every time he got close, he would stop. Just fucking say it already. 
“You're right okay. You do listen. You do everything I say, even when I can tell you don't agree," he tried grabbing your hand but you pulled away. "If everyone else were like you... maybe... I don't know.” Maybe they'd still be alive. That's what he wanted to say. His ego had clearly gotten the best of him lately. Rick looked over at you with another unfamiliar expression. He could tell you were spent, and maybe a little upset, rubbing at your neck. 
“You're such an asshole.” you answered, almost a whisper. 
When he didn't answer, you got up and brushed past him. He tried to object, calling your name and grabbing your arm, “Come back. I didn't-“
You tugged your arm back and stormed out of the bus.
He knew that you were just as scared to lose him. He knew it, and he still couldn't even outright say it. Whatever it was. 
Only a few meters from the church, you felt a cold hand on your shoulder. Annoyed and upset, you turn around, immediately forced to dodge the jaws snapping at you. 
“Oh shit!” You push the walker to the side, scrambling for your knife. When it got back up and closer you drove your knife in through its jaw, letting it drop down by your feet. A few deep breaths. Your heart rate through the roof. 
Looking back at the bus, Rick's hand was on his gun, looking at you through the doorway. Ready to come save you. Just in case you needed it.
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pucksalotguys · 2 years ago
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Chapter 5
Masterlist to series
WC:2.4K
Sidney gives Mia the space she needs while thinking and worrying about her. He hears that she’s okay and goes to find her to apologize and gives her an opportunity she can’t say no to. They get a bit closer and she opens up to him about some of the past bringing them a bit closer together until things go wrong and Mia makes a bold choice
(Sorry about the delays with this chapter, glad to be back 💕. And a big thank you to those who support this story, means the world to me. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think !)
2 Weeks Later
“What’s with the face ?” Kris asked “You’ve been down lately” “Just been thinking” Sidney shrugged in response “Think about Mia Russo ?” Kris looked at him “If so….I am too” "You heard the talks?" Sidney asked, shaking his head.
"I did," Kris said, nodding. "She's so sweet, she didn't deserve it. Cath and the kids were around her once and couldn't stop complimenting her on how nice she was. This isn't right, especially since she's so young. I hope she leaves him."
"I hope so as well." Sidney gave a nod “It’s modern times now, you don’t have to stay with your partner if they’re abusive”
"Cath and I sent her flowers, and we received a thank you text in return. It was brief, but I'm relieved she responded." Kris admits 
"When did you send her the text?" Sidney asked 
"Like three days ago," he responded 
Sidney sipped his water and checked his phone; he had called, left voicemails, and sent countless texts but had never received a response. Granted he deserved it but it still made him worried “You think I should reach out ?” Sidney asked “I mean just….to let her know the team is here for support”
Kris shook his head “Not everyone on the team knows what happened man” he admits “If you wanna reach out, don’t involve the guys. We don’t want news like this getting out to everyone” “They should know Lucas is a piece of shit and he’ll never have a place here” Sidney responded sharply “Ever” “This is her story, this is her life. I only know what happened because she reached out to Cath about some stuff about babies….she’s pregnant” Kris whispered lowly “I think she wanted to know about doctors and stuff in the city, you can’t tell anyone alright ? This is serious stuff and I know she doesn’t want anything out. The guys think Lucas is out for something else, let them think that”
Sidney nodded, something he had been doing almost the entire conversation. He didn’t wanna give too much of a reaction but on the inside he felt like he was about to pass out. This was the confirmation he needed to know that Mia was keeping her baby. He got up and walked out as he drove to her place and knocked on her apartment door “I know you’re in there…it’s me….Sidney” he said softly He waited and waited….and waited until he settled for a seat on the floor and sat down for a bit and before he knew it he had fallen asleep against her door while waiting. When he woke up he knocked again only to see her come out of the elevator with bags in tow “What are you doing here ?” Mia snapped as she put her bags down
“Shit” Sidney muttered as he got up quickly “I came here to see you, to talk to you. I’ve been here for like 3 hours” he admitted “I thought you were in your apartment and just didn’t wanna let me in so I sat down and waited….guess you were out after all” She sighed “Sidney, go home. Leave me alone please” “Not before you let me talk to you” Sidney pleaded “Please” “Listen, whatever you came here for, it's all good. It’s in the past, I wish you well and hope nothing but nice things for you” she said “Now go” “I’m really sorry for what I said to you. You didn’t deserve that and I’ve felt like shit ever since I left here. I was selfish and egotistical and you didn’t need that” “No I didn’t” she said “But it’s done, I think more than anything it hurt that I thought you wanted to be my friend, but instead you got mad because you wanted to sleep with me and thought it’d be easy right ?” “No” Sidney shook his head “Those weren’t my intentions ever, I genuinely like you. I like you as a person Mia, I just….it’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that you-” “That I want to keep my abusive husband's baby ?” she finished for him “Ever heard of my body, my choice ?”
“I respect that” Sidney said “I do” “You know what, right now I need you to go. I won’t repeat myself” Mia said sternly “I can help you” Sidney looked at her “You need to go somewhere safe, I can provide you with that. I have properties, lots of them” Mia turned around and nodded “Continue” “I have properties in lots of places, here in the states and in Canada” Sidney said “My recent one no one knows about is in Montana, it’s on lots of land. No one knows who I am there and it’s safe. I also bought a new house in my hometown in Nova Scotia, it’s more on the lake side and I don’t have any neighbors either. Everything there is safe”
“And what do you want in return ?” Mia asked “You have to want something” “For you to be okay” he answered “That’s what I want” Mia shook her head “No one does things just to be nice Sidney, there’s always a reason behind everything. You are too handsome and successful to make me believe that you’re doing this out of the good of your heart. I’d rather you be honest and upfront” “I just wanna be your friend” Sidney whispered “That’s it, this is what friends do. I’d do this for any one of my friends honestly” “And how many of your friends are female ?” Mia asked softly “Not many” he admitted with a blush “I guess you could say I’m your first then” she offered her hand to him “In case you’re not aware this is the part where you shake my hand and agree with me” Sidney cracked a soft smile and shook it gently as he held onto it for a bit longer, without even realizing it she was doing the same
***************
One Month Later
“So are you like…..sad ?” Mia asked as she sat across Sidney at her dining table “I know playoffs are a huge deal for you guys” Sidney gave a shrug “My heart and mind weren’t in it this year” he admitted “Offseason was a bit stressful and then lots of stuff happened during the season so I guess you can say postseason wasn’t in the cards. It’s okay, there’s other chances” Mia nodded “You’re very nonchalant about this, I’d expect you’d be more upset”
“You realize there’s bigger things in life that matter” he looked at her
She gathered their plates up quickly and went into the kitchen, it wasn’t lost on her that he said those words as he looked directly in her eyes. She looked down at her stomach for a quick second and let out a small sigh, relieved she wasn’t showing yet 
“I can do those” Sidney said as he came up behind her “You could go sit” “I got it” Mia shook her head “You cooked so that means I can wash dishes, it’s the rules” Sidney grinned She chuckled and took a seat on one of the chairs in front of the island “Thanks for that” “I don’t think I’ve ever had a dinner that good in my life” he grinned “It was great, where’d you learn how to cook so well ?” “Not much to do when you’re home alone with service being magically shut off your phone while your husbands on the road. Books were my entertainment, cook books specifically were my guides. I learned to make tons of things, it came in handy” Mia explained “You learn a lot” As he dried dishes, Sidney gave her a sympathetic look; the thought of someone having that much power over her made him sick. He realized there was a reason she cooked so quickly, almost as if she expected him to be upset if she didn't finish on time.  
"Well, you're one of the best cooks I've had food from in a long time, and if I wasn't so full, I'd go for thirds," Sidney said softly. 
"Well, I hope you have room for dessert. I remember you liked peanut butter, so I made you a peanut butter cheesecake," Mia said as she stood up and went to the fridge "You gotta have at least one slice"
"Oh thank you," he said, smiling, "I can't say no to this."
"I'll even join you, I can finally have sweets," Mia said as she served herself a slice and sat next to him.
"Who limits their sweets?" he jokingly asked
"I just didn't want to.....I didn't want to gain weight," she admitted. "No one would want a fat wife."
"Hey," Sidney said, putting his fork down and looking at her, "don't say that."
Mia took a bite and looked him in the eyes, "I'm not like that anymore, not when....when I have to eat for two" she looked away. 
"Whatever he said was his own stupid thoughts, none of it was true. I just hope you realize it eventually," Sidney said.
"I know," Mia nods, "I'm just glad it was only me he hurt. It would hurt to know there's another girl out there who went through what I did"
"How can you still think of the other girls when you were his wife ? How?"  Sidney asked almost desperately "I swear when I see him I'm gonna kill him"
"I always hoped one of them would eventually convince him to leave me," she admitted. "I always hoped that one day he'd come home and tell me we were done and he was going to be with someone else, but instead he'd come home pissed for no reason and take it out on me in some way and then he'd get all overly loving after and I knew he was trying to be remorseful. One time I did punch him in the dick" she nodded "He was out for two games, I felt pretty cool" she chuckled 
Sidney sat quietly, "I....I can't laugh at that." 
"If I can do it after these few years, you can at least try," she said.
"These are some of your worst moments in your life, I don't know how you can joke about them," he said, shaking his head.
"There's nothing else I can do. I've already cried until I passed out, screamed until my voice gave out," Mia said. "The least I can do is try to find a speck of silver lining in a situation that could have ended my life."
"What needs to happen is justice," Sidney stated.
"In the NHL ? Sure thing Sidney" Mia sighed and rolled her eyes. "Listen, forget I brought anything up. It was my attempt at dark humor"
"It's just completely messed up. It's so messed up, and the fact that you're making jokes about it isn't funny or okay," Sidney finally says. "I don't want to laugh when I hear how you fought back," he shook his head, "I don't want the image in my head, I don't want it."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you or make you angry," Mia said quietly. "That was never my intention."
"I want you to heal in a healthy way. I don't want you to keep it in, but I also think you need to see that joking about it isn't okay," Sidney said softly. "I feel like maybe if you’re okay with it, you can see someone ?” "OK," she said, nodding, "I think I can handle that now."
"If you want, I can come with you; it doesn't even have to be in the city," Sidney said. 
"I would be grateful. And once again....I'm sorry," Mia added.
"You don't need to apologize. As your friend, I'm here to tell you....and your baby deserve the world," Sidney said as he debated his next move and just went for it as he reached his hand up and gently caressed her cheek 
"I haven't had one of those in a long time," Mia said quietly.
"What ?" Sidney asked, confused.
"A friend," she replied 
"Don't count yourself out yet, Mia, you still have life to become who you want," Sidney kissed her forehead 
She blushed and nodded, "Can I ask you something?"
"Go for it," he said, grinning. 
"Can I kiss you ? Like....a real kiss?" she asked shly
"Yeah," he accepted, "But before you do that, answer a question for me. Are you kissing me because you want to or because you think you owe me something?"
Mia gulped and remained silent for a moment before exhaling, "Because I feel like I owe you something"
"Then, no, you can't" he backed up gently "If you want to kiss me, it has to be because you want to not because you feel like you have to"
"But-"
"But nothing" Sidney said "I mean it, I'm not trying to get anything here"
She sighed "I do like you"
"And I like you too" he responded "Nothing's changed"
"I take it this is where you leave me alone in my thoughts and you go home ?"
He chuckled "Yeah, but I'll be back tomorrow if that's cool ?"
"Yeah" she grinned
Sidney hugged her goodbye and exited her apartment to go back home. Before getting into his car, he checked his phone one last time and saw a text message from an unknown number. 
You come by her apartment again, you’re done for
“Lucas” Sidney whispered as he got out of his car and went back up to Mia’s and knocked “Hey, where’s your phone ?”
“It’s him isn’t it ?” she murmured “I need to go, I need to get out of here before he gets one of his stupid friends to follow me around”
“I’ll get you a flight in a few hours, you tell me where” Sidney said
“Nova Scotia” she whispered “Your hometown”
“Perfect” Sidney nodded “Come on I’ll help you pack”
She turned to go upstairs but suddenly walked back and hugged him tightly “I’m not scared this time, I’m just nervous. I don’t want him to think he has a right to tell me what I can and can’t do. I don’t want him to know I’m keeping the baby. I don’t want him to know anything” “He won’t” Sidney comforted “I promise he won’t, Nothing’s gonna happen to you or the baby, I promise you” A promise he was going to guarantee her no matter what.
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looks fun! The war thingy is there any cool lore or stories! (I’m an absolute sucker for lore)
Well, I’ll save the big lore drops for later because that would be a bit too long to explain. I’ll tell you the story of one of my best original ANN soldiers, the story of Mads.
So a really long time ago in the very early begging when the ANN was just starting out, a Nightingale soldier named Madsgellert fought strong on Pinterest. Everyone loved her, she was loyal and dedicated to the cause. One day, she made a post about having to leave for a bit because of school exams. We were a bit bummed but we knew she’d be back soon. She did say she only needed a week.
Months passed after she'd gone. The first war had ended quite some time ago and we were now the midst of the second war and NanaBear and Fawn were heated in battle. We hadn't forgotten of Mads, but after so long we didn't think she'd ever return. Amazingly, we were wrong! Out of literally nowhere, everyone started receiving messages from her saying she'd come back and she was sorry for the delay. People started posting things around like "our soldier is back" and "the queen has returned!" Of course, she was extremely confused at all the new people and the popularity the wars had suddenly gotten, but after we showed her she was happy to keep fighting for the Nightingales.
I hope that was a fun enough story for you, it's one of my favourites. There are always a ton more as these wars are rich in history so don't be afraid to ask again! I'd love to share my memories of the battlefield with more of you.
Also, you can look up Madsgellert on Urban Dictionary now! She's gotten her own definition. Thanks for asking!
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prince-princess-bunny · 10 months ago
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I have a shellfish allergy and I work as a dishwasher. I knew about the allergy beforehand, but I thought it was only eating. We didn’t serve any shellfish dishes for my first 6 months I was there, until thanksgiving, when I accidentally sprayed down a pan that had been used for shrimp, and was sent home with a migraine. I thought it was a holiday thing, so I brushed off, until we started serving shellfish on a regular basis. I told my bosses and the team, but only two people actually cared enough about my safety to wash their own shellfish dishes (someone once left me a note that said “shrimp :(“ on top of it). I had to go get an official accommodation to force everyone take my allergy seriously.
I remember eating shrimp as a kid. Growing up, my dad hated pickles, so I thought I hated pickles. Then as an adult, I tried a pickle. Turns out I love them! A few days later, I was presented an opportunity to have shrimp again and thought “I love pickles, maybe I love shrimp!” A few hours later, a bad idea.
Food allergies are weird. You’d think it’s as simple as “exposure to A causes reaction B.” But no. It can be all over the goddamn place. When I first found out, I got severe stomach cramps and a headache, so I stopped eating it. When exposed to particles, it makes me feel like garbage. Breathe in enough, it triggers a migraine. I can’t be in the same room as someone washing the lobster bisque, but I can be around the clam chowder, as long as I’m not the one cleaning it. Then out of the blue, my allergy decided to develop into trouble breathing. Nothing life threatening, but now I keep some pills and an epipen in my locker, just in case. Now if I’m exposed to shellfish, it’s a roll of the dice if I’ll trigger a migraine, or if I’ll role play a weak person trying to strangle me. Tonight, I had a two hour delay before my health slid down.
The thing is, because my symptoms are kind of all over the place, I always feel like I’m lying. Because I can’t specifically say “this causes that reaction,” I’m always afraid people won’t believe me. I looked up allergies in general, and apparently it’s common for them to just be wildly inconsistent?? It’s so much easier to just tell people “I’m allergic.” And leave specifics to situations at hand.
Everyone has been really good about keeping track. I’ve worked there for almost 2 years now, and I’ve only had a handful of events. We moved locations recently and got a bunch of new hires, so they let me print out a sign with big red ALLERGY letters on it (I call it my “please don’t kill me” sign). Most people are cool. They’ll even remind me if I forgot to put my sign up. I’ve had to explain multiple times to multiple people that fish is not the same as shellfish. Yes, I can wash the tuna bin. It’s annoying, but very sweet, so I let it slide.
Tonight, one person dismissed my sign, and I got a face full of shrimp. Had to leave work early. I’m not mad, because it wasn’t on purpose. Things happen in a kitchen. I’m certain she’ll be extra careful going forward.
Allergies suck. They’re weird. It makes me feel bad physically and mentally. I have to work to make people take me seriously. I hate it ~___~
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yourlocalartsonist · 2 years ago
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ROTTMNT Moths Fly In Packs - Chapter Seven
A/N: Please kill me my soul has left my body writing this god forsaken LONG ASS CHAPTER but hey it was very worth it imo. Uh sorry for the month long wait. I think the AO3 writer curse found me and my poor beta reader since shit kept happening to both of us delaying this chapter even more. But hey! It's finally out, so I hope y'all enjoy while I go lay down bye- Credit to: @sweaterrat for being my beloved beta reader! Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Chapter One
Disclaimer: Chapter involves obsessive behavior, obessive language, demeaning language, injuries, manipulation, degrading language, bullying, shaming over having emotions, panic attacks, spiraling thoughts, gross creepy motherfuckers, recorded without consent, slight physical harassment, implied verbal harassment, getting restrained, uncomfy thoughts, self-degrading language, light s*icidal thoughts, violence, and curse words. This one's a heavy chapter folks so if you're sensitive to that stuff, scroll past and stay safe!
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Alright, Salena. You got this. Just remember: if you’re quick and quiet, he won’t notice you. ‘Tis the rules of ninja stealth mode, baby!
Finally back at school but am I gonna face my problems? Nope! I’ve decided to take Splinter’s advice on just doing things when I’m ready. Even though sometimes I feel like I’ll never be ready. Every time I even thought about talking to Jaiden or Zane, I’d find myself getting strangely mad. I know I’ll screw things up if I talk with a temper. 
But hey! That’s not my focus right now, anyway. I’ve been searching for a good opportunity to finally meet and talk to Draxum today! It turns out the world really is fucking miniature since he works at April’s old high school - aka my current one - as that scary mean lunch aid everyone fears to death. Who knew, right? I’m hoping I can make a good impression on him today! And maybe possibly get my very own weapon but that’s totally not my first priority at all… 
I already planned to skip study hall to try and sneak into the kitchen. I know that lunch is next period but Draxum gets pretty busy when he actually has to work so I'd rather not bother him during those moments. Besides, it’s May! I would’ve spent my study hall sitting there doing jackshit, anyway, so I doubt the teachers care if I’ll be missing. There’s just one hurdle to my otherwise flawless plan. The reason I’m perched up on top of the fluorescent light trying not to cry from how dirty it is up here instead of in the kitchen by now: Zane’s been tailing me all damn morning.
He and I share a study hall so not seeing me there probably prompted him to run out looking  for me. Guess I can’t blame him too much, I haven’t really talked to him or Jaiden so I know he’s just worried. But my god, the dude’s more annoying than an actual hall monitor right now. I’ve lost track of how long this little cat and mouse game’s gone on. 
I watched in agony waiting for Zane to pass by. He stopped, looked both ways, and turned the corner, successfully convinced I wasn’t right above him. Man, I knew parkour would come in useful someplace but never have I ever thought that place would be in school. 
I victoriously hopped off the pretty bright light and bolted towards the cafeteria, checking behind me to make sure Zane didn’t come back this way. I can’t wait to finally meet Drax and get my very own weapon! I hope it’s something cool! I mean, I don’t even know how it’s supposed to be picked but holy hell I am so excited and everything’s playing out so perfectly right now I genuinely can’t believe-
“Oof!” 
Of course, I accidentally ran into someone. So much for ninjocity. The poor guy fell to his knees, and rubbed his head, messing up his fluffy black hair.
“Omigosh are you okay!? I am so so so sorry!” I stepped closer to him, reaching out my hand. “Here, let me help you up.”
“Argh… yeah, thank y-“
He stopped mid-sentence, wide teal eyes staring right at me. His expression looked strange, it wasn’t happy but it wasn’t sad either. Or actually, it was a little? He’s not saying anything or moving, it seems like he’s about to simultaneously laugh and cry. 
But maybe I’m reading too deep into it, he could just be in shock or something. 
“Um… I hope I didn’t bump into you too hard. Are you gonna take my hand…?”
“O-oh, right, sorry! I uh… I spaced out.” 
“Don’t worry, totally get that!” I laughed, pulling him to his feet. “Ya know, I don’t recognize you. Are you new here?” 
“Yeah, I actually just joined today, tenth grade! My name is Ca-”
“There you are!” A hand grabbed my shoulder from behind.
“Z-Zane!?”
“I’ve been looking all over for you, Salena!” His arm wrapped around my shoulder, possessively holding me close while shooting daggers at the stranger. It doesn’t take Einstein to figure out what message he’s trying to send. “Hey there, new guy. Nice to see you again. I didn’t know you and Salena already met.”
“We just bumped into each other, that was it.” He turned towards me, his look switching back from hostile to friendly “So, it’s Salena?”
I wanted to respond but got cut off as always “Oh, getting bold now, are we? What, just because you’re new you think you’re some kind of hotshot?”
“What? No, I’m literally just talking.”
“I know, that’s what I’m saying. Don’t talk to her at all.”
“Uh, why? You’ve been rude to me the entire time in class and now you’re trying to monitor who I talk to? Honestly, what is your problem?”
“My problem is cute guys like you who think they can do whatever they want with whoever they want just because they look good! I’m warning you now if you try to play any mind games on her, you’ll be hating every fucking second of being alive.”
Fucksake, what is he doing? “Zane, come on, you’re being extra.”
“Salena, don’t.”
“But-”
“Just don’t! You’re too nice to everyone and never know what’s good for you!” As he said that, I glanced over and saw the new guy looking at me with expecting eyes. Zane turned to him shortly after. “And you, stay away from her, got it? I’ll say this once and only once: she’s not interested.”
“Dude, why are you getting so worked up? I’m trying to talk to Salena, not you. I want to befriend them. It’s their choice if they don’t want that and I’ll respect it. But you don’t get to decide that!”
“Yeah, okay, look at you trying to white knight the situation. Look, Salena might be naive but I’m not!” Ah, there it is again! If the word naive were a person, I’d be on death row by now! “I know exactly what you’re trying to do, you little freak, and it’s not gonna work, ya hear me?”
“Zane, stop!” He was starting to get way too physically close to him and way too metaphorically close to breaking my patience. “He’s new to the school, we just met! Why are you acting like this? You’re being mean for no reason!”
“No reason? You haven’t said anything to me the entire day, Jaiden texts saying you’ve avoided them too, and now I just happened to find you here giggling with the new transfer and you’re telling me there’s nothing funny going on?” 
I groaned. As much as I felt tempted to clock him in the face, I didn’t feel like dealing with the aftermath of having to somehow make it up to him. For now, gotta focus on making sure the new guy doesn’t pop a blood vessel on his very first day. Defeated, I reached out and grabbed Zane’s shoulders, keeping him facing towards me.
“Of course, there’s nothing going on! Hey, I’m gonna talk to other people but you and Jaiden are still gonna be my best friends.” My hand signaled the boy behind him to run while he could. “I’m not gonna just replace you guys for no good reason!”
“Then why were you avoiding me?”
“I wasn’t avoiding, I just… I had something important to do, alright?” At least that’s only half a lie.
“Oh really? Important with some guy who just transferred here?”
FOR THE LOVE OF- “Ugh, no, I told you I ran into him by accident! Like, literally ran into him. The important task is something else.” I peeked behind him, noticing the boy left. “And speaking of that, I gotta dash! It’s time sensitive so… yeah!”
“Huh? W-wait!”
You bet your ass I skedaddled away from him as soon as I could. I finally entered the cafeteria, resuming my mission from before. It’s quite empty, a stark difference from what I’m used to. You could probably hear a pin drop in here. I decided it got too eerie, so I took a page out of Mikey’s book and proceeded to swing the kitchen doors open in the loudest, most obnoxious way I could, getting greeted with a scream followed by a very annoyed groan. 
“Oh, it’s one of you annoying brats. I thought I had to be worried for a second.” He didn’t roll his eyes but he might as well have, honestly. 
“Sorry! I just wanted to ask-” I paused, looking past his body and catching a glimpse of something he was trying to hide. “What’s that behind your back?”
“Nothing that concerns you. And shouldn’t you be in class?”
“Eh, it’s study hall so skipping’s not a huge deal.”
He sighed “Do what you want, kid, but why insist on pestering me? Can’t you see I’m busy enough?”
“Oh! Right! My bad.” I lightly bumped into the door frame as I walked inside “Um, so like… I was just wondering, do you happen to know a Baron Draxum around here?”
The purple vines swiftly tangled around my waist, snatching me from the ground and suspending me in the air while a couple others pointed sharp at my head.
“How do you know that name!? Who sent you, tiny assassin?”
“Yo yo yo, chill, chill! I’m a friend! O-of the turtles! Ya know, your sons or something?” 
He scoffed “Likely story! Those idiots get themselves a new ‘friend’ every week. Tell me, assassin, if you’re on such friendly terms with them then why would you refer to me as Baron Draxum? They don’t call me that anymore!”
“Dude, I dunno! I wanted to somehow indicate that I knew about the whole Yōkai ordeal and I thought if I called you Barry you’d think I was just another kid, ya know?”
“And why exactly wouldn’t you just say that?”
“...Good point. You know what, I did not think this through. And actually, thinking about it now, it honestly makes way more sense you’re a Yōkai! I mean, the occasional random vines in the flooring, the weird forestry state of the kitchen, yada yada. But I guess I just thought you were some sort of extreme nature lover or something, ya get me?” 
SHING!
“WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!” I looked at my arms and gasped “Wait! I can prove it! My arm-wrap-glove-thingies!”
“What about them?”
“They’re Genius Tech, a gift from Donnie!” I took one of them off and threw it, landing on his eyes with a splat. “See? Donnie wouldn’t give me these if we weren’t friends! O-or at least close acquaintances on friendly terms! So ha!” 
He inspected the clothing, grunting when he saw the all too familiar logo “...Fine. I suppose he wouldn’t let a thief get away with all their limbs intact. But why are you even wearing these in school?” 
“…They go with my aesthetic, okay?”
“That was rhetorical, I didn’t actually care.” He finally set me down, not looking any less bit irritated, though. “Now, what do you want? I don’t have all day for your childsplay.”
“A weapon!”
“What?”
“I want a weapon!” I beamed at him, instinctively flapping my hands. “Like the ones the guys and April have! April told me they all got their first weapons from you since you’ve got a whole stash of them! So, I was wondering if I could get one, too? Please?”
“Of course you are.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering to himself. “And for the record they didn’t get their weapons, they stole them! But anyway, I can’t help you even if I actually wanted to. My weapons are down in the Hidden City, I cannot simply wish them into existence.”
Darn. “Well… is there some way to portal down there maybe? Mikey and Leo can open portals so maybe you can too?...”
“As a matter of fact, I can.”
“Great! Then lets-”
“Not doing that, though.”
“What!?” At this point, I feel like he’s just dicking with me for the sake of it. “Oh come on, you’re supposed to be some sort of great mystic warrior alchemist guy! Surely you can do something to help me?”
“Listen, kid. Barry Draxum has far too much work to do to take some random student on a lab tour, especially just to get them a weapon to fit in with their friends. Go away and stop bothering me.” 
He walked past me to start prepping for lunch next period, his towering height only further emphasizing his authority. Still, I’m not backing down. Not this time. 
“I’m not trying to fit in. I know you’re busy but I’m not asking this for shits and giggles. I want a weapon to keep me safe! My life has been one chaotic run-in after another with mutants and giant cats and every time has had at least one near-death experience guaranteed! Look! I’ve even got the scars to prove it!” 
I held up my left arm, the bandage now visible with my arm wrap off. “Something bad almost happened last time and I got everyone worried. I just wanna make sure I don’t have to constantly need protection and burden them again. I wanna be useful, you know?”
He glanced at my arm and sighed. He may act like he didn’t give a rat’s ass but looking more carefully, it’s clear a part of him might’ve softened a little. 
“I’m not opening a portal and I mean that, I promised Mikey and O’Neil I wouldn’t use my mystic powers on the surface. With that being said, however…”
Draxum walked back to where I initially found him crouching when I came here, beckoning me to join him. I gasped when he opened the cupboard, revealing two giant blades hidden in them.
“Wow…”
“You’re lucky you came at the perfect time.” He took them out, gripping the seafoam green handles. “Usually, a warrior such as I would be entrusted with the safekeeping of numerous weaponry. But after gaining a criminal record, the Council decided I wouldn’t be allowed any more than I currently have.”
“Then… how’d you get this one?”
He scoffed, “Obviously, I stole it. Besides, I wouldn’t have been able to obtain them even with the Council on my side. These don’t belong to them.” He proudly presented the weapons, the silver blades shining in the light. “They’re a privately owned contraption, made by a very famous pristine Family in the Hidden City. No one outside them owns these sickles except now, of course, me.” 
“Hold up, these giant things are sickles? Aren’t those, like, usually way tinier and kinda useless compared to other ninja weapons?”
“Beggars can’t be choosers.”
“Well, this beggar can and will.” I pointed at myself, skeptical he was still trying to sell me short. “I’ve done my fair share of research on weaponry, sickles are lame! Their blades can barely do shit and they’re way too close range to keep the wielder safe.”
“Stop sassing me, child, I’ve done my own fair share of more accurate research. These are mystic sickles, they will be different from your pathetic human tools.” 
He began polishing them while continuing his rambles. “If you’re concerned about their sharpness, then you’ll be satisfied to know their blades can change by the user’s will. One minute, they’re strong enough to slice diamond and the next minute, they can’t even shatter glass. And all my sources confirmed they can turn the wielder invisible for varying periods of time, depending on their strength. It’s incredibly difficult coming across any information on them, but apparently, they were made to manipulate reality.”
“Apparently? I won’t lie, this all sounds legitimately cool and stuff but like, have you ever tested them out? Why’s all this just based on research when you have the weapon itself?”
“They don’t work from my touch.” Bruh.
“Come again?”
“These sickles are the only weapons that don’t seem to activate when I use them. So, my offer to you is if you can get these to work, I’ll allow you to own them permanently as long as you send me any new information you gain on them.”
“Oh, joy! You think that I - the ordinary human person - can get these things to work when you - the mystic magic Yōkai guy - cant?” I sighed, scratching my head before ultimately reaching out. “You know what, fine. Even if I get scammed, it’s worth a shot.” 
He plopped them into my hands as I fell forward, grunting from the weight. Jeez, I can barely even pick these up. “God, for a scientist you sure are pretty bad at educated guesses- Woah!”
I flinched and stepped back when the sickles suddenly sharted floating in the air. Draxum copied my actions, both of us staring intently at them. The pink details on the handle lit up, spiraling around the grips and spreading to the blades, shining it all in a soft aura of the same hue. A part of me felt drawn to the light, as if it were calling me. I realize how incredibly stupid that sounds but in the moment, that didn’t really matter. 
I reached out and held the sickles again, the aura spreading to me before fading away. They felt much lighter now, I can actually hold them with ease! The silver blades got dipped in deep, dark pink. If a rose could bleed, it’d be that color.
“Fascinating…” He adjusted his glasses. “Seems like my guess wasn’t so stupid after all, was it?” He smirked at me, genuinely emoting this time.
“I… I guess not. Aight, I’m sold! Although, I feel like the sickles chose me more than I chose them.” So, like a person getting claimed by a stray cat, I had no choice but to keep them.
“Wonderful, these are now yours, congratulations.” He held me by the shoulders and pushed me out the kitchen. “And remember, update me on any and every new bit of information you learn while using this. It was nice to meet you, blah blah blah, now don’t bother me during work ever again.”
He closed the door and almost instantly the school bell rang. I jumped, frantically shoving the sickles into my backpack right as people started coming in through the doors for lunch. I had no idea this much time passed. I should probably get out of here before-
“Salena?” 
I’ve been jinxing myself a lot today, haven’t I? Jaiden’s standing right in front of me now. Might as well leap off a cliff and call it quits, to be honest.
“H-Hey…” 
“Quite the busy gal today, aren’t you.” They’re speaking slowly, this isn’t a good sign.
“Oh, um, yeah, kinda. I just had to take care of something.”
“Cool, I guess.” 
We both stood there awkwardly. My chest feels so heavy. Jaiden’s barely looking at me but I swear if they did I’d downright die from their glare. What do I even do? How do I face this?
Just… run away. You’re… you’re good at that. So run away.
“…I need to go.” 
“What? Okay, that’s it. What is up with you? You didn’t come to school Monday or yesterday and you’ve avoided me all of today. Now when I finally catch up to you, you have to go?” 
“I just got into a small accident, is all. I had to stay home.” Not like you tried to reach out, anyway. 
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why didn’t you ask?”
They groaned at me. I don’t usually bicker back but the way Jaiden was treating this, as if they don’t know what they did, it’s just… it’s just getting to me. I don’t want to be like this but it’s getting to me.
“Salena, snap out of it, will you? You’ve been acting so pissy, lately! I literally didn’t even do anything!”
My body chose to scoff “Yeah, not with me, that’s for sure.”
They squinted at me, only half understanding what I meant. “Are you… mad we didn’t hang out this weekend?” They facepalmed, framing me as the idiot for being upset over that. “Dude, you can’t be serious, I said something came up! It’s not like I totally ghosted you or anything!” 
It’s not like you totally ghosted me?
“...Jaiden, I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Why not?”
Shut up. 
“I don’t feel okay talking about this.”
“Oh really? Like how you never feel okay confronting anything? What, do you just expect me to drop this because her highness isn’t feeling okay?” 
My face feels boiling hot, I can’t help clenching my fists. I’m trying to breathe. Everything will be okay if I just breathe.
“A-are you crying? Ugh, seriously? It’s like all you ever know is how to run away or cry! We’re not thirteen anymore, just grow up!”
Stop.
“It was annoying when you were such an emotional crybaby back then but now it’s just getting ridiculous!”
STOP.
“Why aren’t you saying anything? Don’t tell me you’re upset that I’m right. That you’d rather selfishly push this to the side instead of just dealing with it like a normal person!”
Why are you being so mean?
“Salena, say something already! Stop with the pity party, the world doesn’t revolve around you-“
“I SAID SHUT UP!” 
They did.
I didn’t mean to say that.
I don’t know for how long, but somehow I tuned out the noisy cafeteria, my ears bugged with a faint buzz. My eyes were fixed on them, and theirs on me. In all our five years of friendship, I’ve never not once yelled at Jaiden before.
“…Who even are you?…”
Those words sting. They sting because they’re right. Who am I?
“Moni! Reeves!” Draxum’s voice snapped me out of my daze. “Stop standing in the middle of my cafeteria and causing traffic!” 
I guess that was our cue to sit down. And continue. Even though I don’t want to.
“Where do you think you’re headed, Moni?” For whatever reason he was still yelling at me from behind the food rack.
“T-to go find a seat?”
“I told you to head to the nurse! If that cut you got while helping me in the kitchen gets infected thanks to your horrid luck, I’ll be held responsible. So go there right now!”
Huh?…
“Y-yeah, sorry, I’m going.” I rushed out before Jaiden could say anything more. I’m a little shocked he was listening, even more so that he actually helped me. 
Whatever, I’m just grateful for the excuse to get away. 
I gently touched my heated forehead. 
Plus, maybe going to the nurse isn’t such a bad idea, anyway. 
***
The shiny streets reflected my steps as I took in the familiar damp scent. The gray fog left over after rain always gave the city a different vibe.
I got sent home early by the nurse. Apparently, another panic attack arose after talking with Jaiden. The nurse took pity on me when she realized and got me the rest of the day off, giving me a pass and everything. Told me to go home and take it easy. Come back tomorrow when I’m feeling better. I laughed at the memory. Oh, if only they knew going home meant the exact opposite.
So instead, I’m out here. Wandering in New York in its post-rainy weather to clear my mind. Maybe that’s why I keep having these thoughts. I don’t usually dwell on the whole shitty situation of my life. But right now, in the colorless skies and the somber silence, I can’t help but feel pathetic.
A pebble found its way into my boots. Annoying. I didn’t feel like dealing with it, though, so I just kept walking.
I walked more and more and more, trying to forget being present. Trying to forget this stupid mess I somehow got myself into. Wordlessly wandering, hoping the city would just swallow me whole so I wouldn’t be seen. I feel sick and ashamed but so enraged at the same time. How could they still continue to play dumb? After seeing me like that they pretended to know absolutely nothing. I’m not misreading anything, am I? What if I got the situation wrong? I can’t tell if I’d be happy Jaiden didn’t actually ditch me, or depressed I’d have yelled at them for nothing. They’re right but they’re wrong but they’re right. Or, at least I think they’re right? Maybe that’s wrong. Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about. But that could mean so many things. What am I even talking about? What’s-
“Hello? Anyone there?” A pale hand waved in front of my eyes. I glanced up at its owner. “Welcome back to Earth, sweetheart.”
A tall blonde boy stood in front of me, a couple other boys whom I can only presume were his friends looked down at me with him. 
“H-h-hi?...” My brain, still adjusting back to reality, only spoke in stammers “C-can I help you?”
One of his friends chuckled “We were wondering the same thing. You were just walking blindly into a dead end!”
For the first time since god knows when, I scanned my surroundings realizing I have no clue where the fuck I am. Somehow, I wandered into an alley, not too deep but still pretty disorienting. There’s a wall behind them, I guess that was the dead end they’re talking about. Two of them snickered while looking at a phone.
“You seriously recorded her?”
“Course I did. I knew girls were ditzy but this? She ran into a building, like, three times! And apologized to it!” Okay, I admit, not my best moment but still, feels a little weird for them to record it. I wonder how long they were filming before deciding to actually check in on me.
“Guys, stop. You’ll make her run away.” The blonde boy spoke again. “Don’t worry kitten, we’re not here to hurt you. You just looked lost. If you want some help finding your way, we’d be glad to assist!” 
…I know he’s not saying anything inherently wrong, but the way he speaks makes my skin crawl. There’s something about his tone. It’s sweeter than it should be. That specific type of sweetness no human being shows without having ulterior motives. 
His gaze grew more intense. “Do I… know you?” I don’t like how close his face is to mine.
A part of me got suspicious, too. We might indeed know each other. Or at least, I might know him. Blonde hair, green eyes, creepy as shit. But it’d be ridiculous if he’s actually who I think he is. I mean, not every blonde white guy’s gonna be related to-
“I do know you! You’re that cutie my brother keeps talking about!”
Yep, it’s him. Because my luck couldn’t get any worse, I ran into Cole Evans, Zane’s freakshow older brother. 
No wonder my fight or flight feels triggered.
Play it cool. “I think you have me mistaken for someone else. And thank you, but I’m not lost.”
Right as I turned around to leave, my shoulders pricked up. He put his grimy hands on them, firmly grasping onto them as if any of this is fucking okay. “Oh, don’t be like that! What’d he say your name was… Salena, right? You think I’m as boring as Zane or something?” He spoke too close to my ear. My legs are trembling, aching to run. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. “Why’re you being such a killjoy, hm? You know I’m not that much older than you, right?”
I need to go.
I spun around and elbowed his side as hard as I could, forcing him to stumble back. I desperately wanted to sprint but his friends blocked my path, grabbing my wrists when I tried reaching for the blades hidden in my backpack. They were laughing and poking fun at Cole and he himself didn’t seem all too phased either, straightening up as the pain died down.
“Let me go!”
“Seems like she’s more tiger than kitten aye, Cole?”
“Good thing I like the feisty ones.”
I thrashed around kicking and stomping, trying to hit anything I could or at least break free but nothing was working. They’re dodging everything and the grip on my wrists only gets tighter. All the while they’re mocking me like I’m a dog or something. Is this just a sick joke to all of them? 
“Aww, look at her! Is that really the best you can do to fight back?”
I need to keep trying, I need to find a way out. But they have me trapped. I can barely move around. I can’t dodge, I can’t run. I don’t know how to fight, I’m useless if I can’t run. What do I do? What do I do?
BAM!
I didn’t realize how unstable my balance was. Not until I found myself fallen on the ground finally able to freely move my wrists. The guy restraining me earlier was now groaning on the ground too, holding the freshly bruised side of his face in agony. 
“You wanna fight? Then pick on someone my size!”
“Raph?...” I watched from the ground, mouth hanging open.
Without hesitation, Raph charged at them. They were cocky at first but the atmosphere quickly shifted after seeing how powerful the “person” in the gray hoodie was. I don’t even blame them, I’ve never seen him punch anyone so hard before. He’d slam them into everything: the walls, the ground, I might’ve even heard bones crack. He’s taking all of them on.
Meanwhile, I’m here uselessly watching. 
I should help. I want to help. I know he’s strong but there’s a good number of them and they’re not exactly weaponless. But what do I do? What could I do? I have my sickles but what if I make things worse? What if things get too messy, what if things go too far? If the police get involved-
Wait, an opening! 
They’re so distracted dealing with Raph, no one’s blocking the way out! 
Run! JUST RUN!
“Come on!” I grabbed Raph’s hand the first opportunity I could and fled from the scene, him confused but not stopping us. 
We ran for what felt like forever. Just chose a direction and bolted, not much logic behind it. If anything, it felt like pure instinct. Traffic lights and stop signs didn’t seem to matter to me and frankly, I’m surprised we didn’t get run over. We only stopped when my lungs gave out and forced me to gasp for air. 
Raph seemed fine, a little concerned, but fine. “You okay? Was passing by and heard ya scream. When I ran in, I found ‘em surrounding you.” 
“Y-yeah, I’m just… I just, I-I don’t know. Sorry, can I just have a minute?” I continued heaving in the air, can’t tell if it was from running so much or another god forsaken panic attack.
Regardless, Raph stayed crouching by me as I held my throbbing head, trying to not cry. He's quiet but attentive, noticeably making an effort to avoid physical contact for now. Strangely enough, his presence alone is making me feel better. 
I steadied my breathing “Th-thanks for jumping in, Raph. Um… sorry I couldn’t, ya know, handle it myself.”
“Nah, it’s cool. Not your fault those creeps were messing with you.” 
“Still…” I wish I did more. 
And just like that, my breathing progress backtracked “Sorry I… A-a lot happened today. Too much too soon and I have no clue how to just… Gosh, I don’t even know, I-I guess get it out?” 
“Uhh, well uh…” His eyes lit up “Ooh! Actually, I’ve got a good way to deal with that kinda stuff, if you don’t mind comin’ over to the lair for a bit!”
“Oh, um, really? You wouldn’t mind?”
“Course not! Plus, Raph could use the company, anyway.”
Well, I’d definitely be safer in the lair than out here. 
I gave a weak smile “Alrighty then. I’m down!”
He reached for my hand, only taking it when he was sure it was okay. We walked along the city streets for a while. His large hand practically engulfed mine, I felt like a little kid next to their big brother. Is it weird to say I feel a little safer that way? 
We reached the lair, entering through a manhole and strolling till we reached an abandoned subway track. The familiar scent shot back to my brain. It’s strong but not overwhelming. 
“Here we are! Home sweet home!”
It’s surprisingly empty today. “Where’s everyone else?” 
“Probably doing their own thing. Hopefully safe. Raph, uh, doesn’t like thinkin’ about it too much.”
“Then Salena shall not question! So um… what exactly are we gonna do?-” 
“Catch!”
I stumbled back in shock, peering down as whatever he threw now landed in my arms. They’re… boxing gloves?
“The fuck?”
“We’re gonna deal with your thoughts the best way I know: by punching ‘em in the face!”
I blinked as I realized he’s being completely and entirely serious. I hesitated at first, but then I really gave it a good thought. I’ve read before that working out can boost your mood. A little harmless violence is a strangely good way to let out anger, especially. Plus, if I make a habit of this, I might be able to boost my strength along with it! Then I wouldn’t have to solely depend on running all the time! 
“Worth a shot!” I finally shrugged in acceptance and put on the boxing gloves, staring at the bag in front of me. “Do I just go ahead and punch it?”
“Yep, basically! But when you do, try thinking about whatever’s bugging ya and pretend it’s the bag. It’ll help you smash harder and make ya feel better!”
“Okie dokers, here I go.” 
Smack!
I gave it a light punch to test it out, making sure to catch the bag as it swung back so it didn’t punch me instead. It hurts a little since I’m not used to the impact on my fist but it’s nothing that makes me scream and writhe in pain.
“Good job for your first hit, Salena! Now try and put some more force into it!”
I repeated my actions but with a stronger punch like he instructed. I kept doing it until I got a decent enough rhythm I could keep up with. So now it’s time for the second and arguably harder part: letting my thoughts out. I don’t really wanna think about the… situation in the street. So I guess what’s left is thinking about Jaiden instead. Ugh.
Smack!
Where do I even begin with this? I mean, I can’t even properly figure out how I’m feeling, let alone word it. All I know is that there’s a shit ton of guilt associated with it. I never meant to yell at Jaiden, it just sorta happened. 
Smack!
But it’s not like it came out of nowhere, either! They’re the one who ditched me! Jaiden and I planned ahead of time to meet up and hang out, I made it explicitly clear I missed them and wanted to be with them. They said they were busy and didn’t even give me a reason for it! And then they hang out with Zane the same day? They basically chose him over me!
Smack!
But I shouldn’t have yelled either. I made things so much worse now, it’ll be too awkward to ever bring it up. They’ll just tell me off for getting mad and completely ignore everything else. God this is so frustrating! 
SMACK!
Why did I have to be so stupid? Why did they have to be so mean? The things they said and the things I did! It’s all spinning around in a giant whirlpool of bad and dangerous thoughts and I hate it! I can’t stop thinking about it and I hate it! Have I been a bad friend? Is Zane that much better than me? Am I just not interesting? What did I do for them to just ditch me! 
SMACK!
We’re best friends, why are we acting like this!? I let my temper get the best of me! I yelled at them, I fucking yelled at them! I’m mad and upset but fuck I yelled at them! I’ve never yelled at Jaiden before. We’re best friends. How could I do that!? 
SMACK!!
I’m awful! I’m terrible! I feel like an asshole! I am an asshole! I should know better! I do know better! How could I fuck up so badly!? How could I do this!? How!? How!? HOW!? I DESERVE TO FUCKING-
“Salena!” 
SMACK!!!
Raph’s arm went in between me and the bag, taking the hit in my place. I know he’s strong but judging from how loud the crash was, I doubt it didn’t at least sting.
“That was close. Everything okay? Why’d you stop punching? If the bag hit you it could’ve done some serious damage!”
“I didn’t realize I did…” I ran my hand through my hair, sighing heavily. “Ugh, fuck! Sorry, Raph. I don’t think I’m in the right headspace to do this. It’s just making everything feel more clouded than before.”
He stared at the bag for a moment. “Alright, well…” Then he let it rest, and faced me with his fists up. “We’ll spar instead.”
I tilted my head to the side, communicating my confusion.
“The whole point of this thing is to let your thoughts out, maybe if you’re just thinkin’ about it, it’s still keeping it in. If you’re cool with it, we could try talking instead of only venting while we fight and it might clear things up!” He chuckled lightly. “And don’t worry, Raph goes easy on first-timers.”
Honestly, he might actually have a point with that. “I’m open to trying!”
We’re starting off with some light jabs at each other. I felt a little out of place fighting Raph, partly cause I don’t like hitting him and partly cause I’m terrified to let him hit me. I’ve been dodging and blocking decently enough, though. HIs punches feel way lighter than normal so he wasn’t kidding about going easier.
“So, tell me. What’s bothern’ ya so much today?”
“It’s kinda my friend. I think I did something since they hadn’t talked to me much for days. And then one day when we were supposed to finally hang out, they told me something came up.” I punched a little harder, getting blocked by his forearm. “And then I found out that ‘something’ was them hanging out with our other friend who posted it on Instagram! They totally ditched me!”
He jabbed at my right, barely missing when I dodged. “Did you try talking to them? Could be a misunderstanding.”
“That’s the thing, every time I wanted to I just kept getting so mad thinking about it. And then when it actually happened, I wasn’t prepared and I screamed. They were being kinda mean but still, I never yelled at Jaiden before.”
The pace picked up some more. Raph’s hits were getting quicker and harder to dodge, I’ve had to shield myself more often. He did leave some opportunities, though. I’m gonna assume it’s on purpose to let me have a few hits but either way, it’s training so I’m gonna take full advantage of that.
“How long have you two been friends?”
“Five years, we’ve known each other since middle school. That’s why it’s killing me inside. You should’ve seen their face Raph, they looked so… shocked! Shocked that I had it in me, that I’m a shitty enough person to yell at my friend!”
“I mean, I get it but, you’re still human. No normal person’s gonna go through life never yelling at their friends.” He swung at me. “And if you’ve been friends so long, why don’t y’all just talk it out? Dontcha think apologizing would help?”
I ducked, narrowly missing it. “I mean, yeah it would, but that’s not gonna stop it from being an issue. Sometimes I’ve had to fight myself really hard to stay calm around Jaiden but I always managed to do it. Now that I blew up, though, it’ll just keep happening.”
“What do ya mean?”
“Anger issues.” I attempted a jab. “I’ve had anger issues growing up.”
“Ah. Yeah, Raph knows a thing or two about that.”
“It sucks because like, I try not to let it show. And I think I’ve done a good job. But everything’s been so overwhelming lately that I’ve been snapping left and right! I keep getting mad and forgetting to control my temper and doing stupid things as a result! It’s so annoying!” 
The anger’s helping my punches get faster. I’m barely even focusing on it but I can tell I wasn’t moving this quick earlier. Somehow, I actually managed to land a hit on his plastron, though he didn’t even flinch. Still, it’s definitely helping me build up some power. 
Maybe I shouldn’t have celebrated too quickly, though. He countered with a jab at my shoulder, forcing me to pause and regain my stance. He let me take my time, bouncing with his fists up like before and waiting for me to resume the fight. I did so shortly after catching my breath.
“Ya know, I’ve dealt with anger issues growing up, too. It’s why I got into working out so much, it’s a good outlet.” He started blocking more, letting me get a few more hits in to help me practice.
“Yeah, but your brothers love you a lot, you couldn’t have hurt them too bad. If you did, wouldn’t they just hate you?”
He laughed. “You’d be surprised! I was a real problem-child growing up, even worse than Donnie. I mean, I still loved my bros back then and acted the way I do now but… I still had a huge temper and wasn’t as good keeping it in check. Actually speaking of Dee, I did hurt him pretty badly once. Physically.”
My arms were getting tired. “What’d you do? If you’re okay sharing.”
“Well, uh, turns out anger issues and pre-teen hormones don’t mix well. It’s a little fuzzy but I know it was over something dumb. I was having a bad day so I started punching my room’s walls. It made a lotta noise and Donnie came in telling me I was bein’ too loud and it hurt his ears. I shoulda just stopped like he asked me to but I didn’t and started yelling at him and taking my anger out on him. Don didn’t back down, either, so we ended up arguing. I don’t even know how things got so heated but it got physical and I accidentally hit his shell.”
“What!?” I stopped for a moment, trying to take it in. I know Donnie’s a softshell and judging from how hard Raph’s been hitting even now when he’s being light, I could put two and two together. “Sorry that happened, Raphie. For both of you.”
“It’s fine, he wasn’t too badly hurt thankfully.” He threw a punch to signal me to keep going. “But he built his battleshell a few days later. I don’t think it was out of anger towards me, I don’t even think Dee remembers what happened other than us getting into a fight. But it still stung when I figured out why he made it.”
“And why was that?”
“...I think he built it so I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting him again. He knew I felt guilty and I wouldn’t stop apologizin’ to him for days. I think the battleshell was his way to keep himself safe but for my sake more than his.”
Raph began using a more offensive style, letting me play defense and rest my body a little. Perfect timing since I don’t think I would’ve been able to focus on giving strong hits. I’m just trying to process what happened. I knew Raph could get mad easily and shouts a bit. But I’ve never seen him really act violent towards his family, quite the opposite actually. It never even crossed my head that maybe he had to learn this the hard way.
“We’re both past it now and I’ve def gotten better with the whole temper thing. Plus that battleshell’s like, his favorite thing he ever made now. So all’s well that ends well, I guess!”
I slid back, shielding another hit. “Does it… still hurt you to think about it?”
He paused and chuckled. “You kiddin’? Hurts like hell.” Then went right back to fighting.
“So… how’d you do it? You seem so different compared to how you described yourself as a kid. Just… seems like a lot of change.”
“It was! I found better ways to deal with things. I worked out, listened to older songs, that kinda stuff. Still not the best I could be but it’s a work in progress!”
“I already do those things, though. I mean, not working out but like, I’ve got ways to cope with my anger. It just still happened.”
“Then there’s only one thing I can tell ya. It’s the hardest thing but also the most important.”
I freaked out when he swiped his leg at mine, knocking me off balance. I raised my head to look at him crouched by me again.
“Never give up on yourself. If you do that, it’s over.” He picked me up by my shoulders, me weighing absolutely nothing to him, and set me back on my feet. “But ‘till you do that, there’ll always be hope.” 
He smiled, the snaggletooth gleaming. “Think we’ve done enough today. You look tired.”
“Yeah, I guess I am.” Truth be told, I didn’t entirely realize how worn out my body was ‘till he pointed it out. “Thanks for, well, helping me out with this stuff. You’re… a good friend, Raph.”
“Anytime.” He pointed at his shell. “Want a ride home?”
I grinned and nodded, my nerves washing away from me. I know from experience this relief is only temporary, but maybe it’s okay to enjoy it anyway.
We had a nice and pleasant walk back to my place, me on his shell as we talked about more lighter topics. He shared a lot about his music taste especially, R&B is his favorite and helps him chill out often. I’ve never given it a try myself but I’m always happy to have an excuse to. I got dropped off at my building’s entrance, strolling in as I thought about the last thing I asked him before bidding him goodbye.
“Raph… do you think I’m a bad person?”
“Not even close. Like I said before, you’re just human.”
I hate to admit it, but there’s a lump in my throat from thinking about it. Weird thing is, I don’t mind it. The elevator’s quiet hum only made this peace more apparent. 
Ding!
And there goes my phone ruining that peace once again. I saw the notification, Zane texted. I guess his brother told him about our little “introduction”, if you can even call it that. 
Ding!
He also told him about Raph. And he’s mad at me now, asking who the guy in the gray hoodie was. He’s more focused on Raph than on his brother’s bullshit. Lovely.
…You know what, this can wait for another day. One thing at a time, Salena. One thing at a time.
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dammitadolfnomorecake · 2 years ago
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Rage Fire Institution
Movement. 8.
Missing one day of class led to the unexpected side effect of numerous messages from his friends. Li especially mad that missed their classes together when their project was on the line. There were too many things to tell Li over message, instead letting him know to meet at the library at 5:30 pm that afternoon. It was half an hour later then Tatsumi had told him, and given that the questions he wanted to ask may cause a fight, there was always the chance he wouldn’t be there when his best friend arrived.
Despite telling Tatsumi that he’d be early, he’d gotten his timing wrong. The man on a phone call when he’d arrived at the library. Normally, Maki would ignore it, yet this time he found himself half listening in while trying not to make it obvious. Doctor Poaw had made it seem as if Tatsumi had no friends, but he must have otherwise who was he talking to? With nothing else to do other than wait, the alpha pulled his data pad out to continue what he’d started in the cafeteria while having a late brunch. He was snooping. All he had was his babysitters age and name, yet there had to be some kind of record if the man had been a pilot. Naturally, he could ask, but that meant showing an interest. He didn’t know for sure that Terra was even Tatsumi’s birth planet, and if he tried to check all records of birth for that year, there were hundreds of thousands. Not to mention the undocumented births that weren’t listed in the records under birth, but rather time of birth registration which added thousands more. The system wasn’t designed for a simple student to find anything as personal privacy was rated high.
After 15 minutes, Tatsumi’s call finally ended. His babysitter looking rather mad as he took his seat on the other side of the table, sighing deeply as he then took his glasses off and rubbed at his eyes. For some reason, Maki found a stab of sympathy coming out of nowhere. It should have been from nowhere given that Tatsumi had gotten a solid 6 hours sleep while Maki had been busy with Doctor Poaw. Placing down his data pad, he asked
“Everything okay?”
“Hmm? Yes, sorry. Contract issues. You’re earlier than I expected”
“I told you I would be. Li can’t come until 5:30”
Tatsumi blinked at him, then admitted he’d ruined Maki’s careful planning by accident
“Ah, he messaged me. I didn’t realise you’d delayed the time and told him 5pm would be fine. I’m sorry. I didn’t realise you’d wanted more time with me alone. Sorry, not like that. I did say we’d talk”
The Professor was scattered. The phone call must have shaken him or something… not that Maki cared. The man’s hands still had the heels of his palms against his closed eyes
“If you want to delay, we can. Doctor Poaw has started on the suit prototype”
“No. No. It’s nothing that important. I arranged for something that had to be cancelled. Now that you’re awake, you can tell me what you thought of the research wing”
“I’ll tell you if you tell me why you told them about me, I’m a pilot. What makes me so goddamn special for all this special treatment?”
Tatsumi gave a sigh. Maki thought his question reasonable. As far as he was concerned, he was right. Tatsumi dropped his hands
“I don’t think treating someone as an equal qualifies as special treatment”
“Cut the crap. You’ve been babysitting me for months. It’s only in the last couple that you’ve changed. What’s a pilot like you doing in a place like this?”
Tatsumi’s eyes widened, before he lowered his gaze
“Right. Doctor Poaw. I suppose she told you everything”
There was a rawness in the Professor’s tone that Maki didn’t like
“Not everything. She seemed to think I already knew, which is impossible. Is you being an expilot some big secret? Shit, everyone would be tripping over themselves to talk to you if they knew”
“What do you want?”
The man before him seemed to snap. Tatsumi’s voice several degrees colder. Maki didn’t get it
“What do you mean? I don’t want anything”
“You must do if you’re bring this up. What do I have to do to get you not to tell anyone?”
Anger boiled up from nowhere. Maki offended
“What makes you think I’ll be rushing off to tell anyone? They all think you’re my goddamn babysitter and I want to know what the hell you’re scheming. What the hell do you want from me?”
As quickly as he angered, Tatsumi sat back
“I’m sorry. Shit. Right. I suppose a washed up pilot is more of a me issue than yours. Honestly, I’d rather not discuss it. My military merit isn’t something to brag about”
“But you were a front line pilot?”
“Yes”
Tatsumi’s simple “Yes” hung in the air between them. Maki wanted to push. He wanted to know what the frontlines were really like and why Tatsumi wasn’t there now. The back of his mind reminding him that there were ways of getting information and sometimes dropping a topic led to more information later on. The alpha chose his words carefully
“Alright. I won’t push. I’m curious, and you can see why. I thought you were a teacher, yet you’re only a student and a returned student at that. I don’t understand your logic at all. Still, I got to see an Erebus up close so I’ll let it slide today”
“A little curiosity is a good thing, but we all have somethings we’d rather forget. You’d do well not to forget that. Seeing I answered your question, I think it’s fair you answer mine”
What question? When he didn’t answer, Tatsumi reminded him
“Why you’re piloting”
Oh. Right… Maki scratching the back of his head in a sheepish manner
“Honestly, the money. If I get a good job after graduation I can do more with money behind me”
“You’d do better in the research track. You could make those ideas of yours real. Doctor Poaw mentioned she’d like you to join the student led research team. She’s not pressuring you for an answer or expecting you to agree, but I think it’d be good for you”
More like he’d be the monkey in the zoo if he showed his face there. Mature researchers were different to student researchers. He’d be a joke in no time
“Thanks, but no thanks. I don’t want to be laughed at”
“You wouldn’t be. I really think you have the talent to go further than piloting”
“That’s not going to put food on the table or a roof over my head. Not all of us are born with a silver spoon in our mouth and a daddy with unlimited star credit”
Tatsumi gave a dry chuckle
“I suppose I look like one of those. Let’s start on the verbal part of the project. You’ll need to clearly convey how your ideas from initial thought through to how the modifications developed and how practical they’d be for large scale deployment. I’ll find data on projects that are similar”
Maki had the feeling he’d seriously put his foot in it with his babysitter. He knew he should know better than the judge on appearances alone, yet he’d also been talking in a general sense rather than singling Tatsumi out with his comment over a silver spoon. He didn’t understand why the man was taking it personally
“You know I meant society in general, right?”
“I think it’s best we focus on our project for now”
Irked, Maki riled up
“Wait, are you seriously getting angry because I made a little comparison between those who have it all and those who’ve been shat on from day dot?”
Tatsumi let out a long breath. The babysitter wasn’t usually one to explode temper wise, yet it felt like he might. Closing his eyes then opening again, the Professor gave a small shake of his head
“I’m sorry. My being bothered does not directly coincide with your remark. Simply you reminded me of a similar incident of my past I’d rather not think of. Can you cut this old man some slack today?”
“Six years isn’t that much older… so you know, I stand by what I said”
“I’m quite sure you do. I’m not disagreeing either. There are some truly blessed in this world and there are times when we find ourselves wondering if we’re in a simulation where our lives are guided by an external force”
Maki tilted his head. He hated how much he wanted to pry, yet for some reason, his babysitter seemed awfully human. He was no good at comforting people, awkwardly mumbling
“What’s in front of you should be the only thing that matters”
“Are you asking me to care about you? Or the project?”
Tatsumi’s tone was teasing, Maki feeling flustered. He’d just been trying to make the Professor feel better and this is what he got
“You know what, let’s work on the project. I don’t know why you’ve picked up bio-engineering so late in life but I’m not carrying your arse on this project”
Tatsumi didn’t miss a beat
“I wouldn’t expect you to. I do have some pride”
Neither did Maki
“Then why are you in a second year class at all? Did your own research stall so badly you have to come steal ideas from kids?”
Tatsumi gave a light laugh, the mood finally lifting as he did. The Professor’s tone still teasing
“Yes and no. I have my own selfish reasons. If you asked my friends they’d say I’m terribly selfish”
With the mood lifted, Maki found himself teasing Tatsumi straight back
“I’m still shocked you have friends”
“Not many. Not now. Speaking of friends, that student research group would be good for you. If you’re worried, I don’t mind accompanying you”
“That’s right, show up and play dad like you always do. I said I’ll think about it. You’re so goddamn weird. I think I’ve got you figured out then something happens and I don’t know what to say”
“You’re not the only one who’s said that. People call it a flaw. You shouldn’t care what happens to one student when they’ll be dead without a thought of you in the end”
“That’s a fucked up way of thinking”
“I agree. Mister Kang is early, he’s coming over. We’ll talk more another time”
Tatsumi was right. Joining them, Li dropped his backpack on the table with a sigh
“Man, that sprint here was a ball buster. It’s alright for arseholes that have the whole day off. What? No snacks this time?”
The Professor snorted lightly at Li’s whiny tone
“I didn’t think to bring any. I’ll make sure to remember next time”
“How can we study without the snacks? Oh, Maki, we’re meeting Yon and her friend at that cafe again. She says her friend really wants to meet you, so you better not be an arsehole to her. I’ll make you cry if you’re mean”
Maki crossed his arms. He didn’t want to meet Yon’s friend, nor was he looking to date. And now thanks to Li, Tatsumi knew he had a blind date
“I’m never mean to them, it’s them who takes one look at me and decide I’m some form of deviant”
“You do tend to scare them away. And speaking of away, was it really necessary to avoid classes all day? I was so lonely I thought I’d die”
“I wish you had. I’m not in that many of your classes as it is”
“Some best friend you are. So, go on, what stopped you coming today?”
Instead of being able to answer for himself, his babysitter answered on his behalf
“I’m sorry, Li. It was my fault. I needed to borrow someone with a good set of eyes. I’m only as good as my glasses, but they do tend to get in the way during certain… tasks”
Li flushed red. Kicking his friend’s leg, Maki didn’t want to know what Li was thinking
“Oi. It wasn’t like that. He needed help with research”
Li only went redder, his best friend’s brain shorting out as he spluttered
“You were with him? You and him… all night together…”
Tatsumi didn’t help matters
“You could put it that way, I suppose. Technically neither of us left the room until morning”
Maki growled, baring his teeth. He was embarrassed enough not to care about the rules at this point
“Would you both stop it. It was research. He slept, and I did research on our project. Li, nothing happened, and don’t go thinking it. And you, don’t encourage him, you know damn well what he was thinking. I’m not into older alphas, let alone older alphas with agendas. That’s enough. Can we please just get this project done so we can go our own seperate ways?”
Li gave a defeated sigh, his best friend bringing his hands together as if praying
“I’m sorry, please forgive me. I won’t think of it again”
“Good, make sure you don’t”
Both of them then looked to Tatsumi. His expression having fallen back to the same as when he’d gotten off his phone call. With the silence hanging there, Maki prompted
“Well? Don’t you owe me an apology too?”
Tatsumi blinked half a dozen times at the pair of them before nodding
“You’re right, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have teased. I can only stay long enough today to make sure Li is caught up on the concepts of the prototype, so we should get started”
***
True to his word, the Professor left after half an hour. Li wasn’t happy that their project had progressed so far without his input, yet he saw a potential A grade in the idea. When his best friend placed down his data pad and cast a look around, Maki didn’t think much of it, not realising the conversation about to come.
“Is it just me, or was the Professor upset?”
Maki had noticed that too, but he’d thought it came back to that phone call again
“He’s alright”
“Nah, I’m telling you, he was upset. Didn’t you notice?”
“He’s always that way”
Li firmly shook his head
“No, maybe around you, but not lately. Trust me, I would bet dollars he was upset. What happened?”
“How would I know?”
“How could you not? You’ve spent months with him. Did you really not notice? I wonder if it’s on the school forum yet”
“Why would it be there?”
“Because the Professor has a lot of people aiming for his heart. Man, you have nothing going on behind those eyes of yours, do you?”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Holding his hands up in the universal sign of surrender, Li explained in dot points
“He has more than a few fans. He’s good looking and with a face like that you know he’s going to be well endowed. He’s older. He’s good with the students and the staff. No one knows his story. He doesn’t seem to have many friends, giving him that whole line wolf vibe. And the students he does look after all have good things to say. Obviously he’s upset. It was all over his face”
Maki was still lost, even after the generously broken down explanation
“He’s got no reason to be. We’re going to get a good grade here”
“And that’s why you’re clueless. Maybe you should have asked him what was wrong?”
“Me? Why? I barely know the guy”
“He seems to like talking to you…”
“Oh, no. No. Not this again. He’s a pain in the neck. Whatever his problem is it’s his, not mine. I’m not prying because you’re curious”
“Aren’t you curious too? And what was this research thing?”
Maki reminded himself that he couldn’t hit his best friend in the library without making a scene. He’d already filled Li in on the part pertaining to their project. It wasn’t his job to offer free advice to their team mate
“I told you, I talked with the researcher who’s going to produce the suit for us”
“I get that, but why was the Professor with you all night?”
“Because it took that long designing the thing, also, he was snoring”
Li was like a dog with a bone, his words falling over themselves
“Yes, but, how did he get you into the research lab at night?”
Maki had had enough of Li asking too many questions
“Because he’s a research student? You’re making things too complicated here. We talked last night and he asked me to come to the research wing to discuss things with the Doctor making the suit mods. He used his pass to let me in, then bailed on the project. You’re making it seem as if I’m as close to him as I am to you”
Li gave a deep sigh then picked his data pad back up
“I suppose you’re right. How are we supposed to understand those science types? We’re just pilots to them. Still, he said he needed your eyes. I mean, I thought maybe you two had shared a mech or something. Like he can’t pilot because he can’t see… Never mind, you’d never transfer to the research wing. You and me are going to the be the aces of a whole new pilot era”
Normally 90% of what Li said went through one ear and out the other, but what he’d just said stuck. An ex-pilot who couldn’t pilot because of his eyes… Did Tatsumi have an interest in him because he was a pilot and in the right position to manipulate? Had his babysitter been manipulating him all along? As far back as their very first meeting? Was Tatsumi pushing his wishes onto him in an attempt to live vicariously through him? The alpha wrinkled his nose in disgust. He knew Tatsumi had an ulterior motive, he’d said as much himself. But to think he’d take it that far… It pissed him off so much that if he could have seen his face he would have seen ice cold fury
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casspurrjoybell-18 · 2 years ago
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Mutual Desire - Chapter 7
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*Warning - Adult Content*
After examining the last slide, Nick suddenly closed his computer and looked at his Rolex gold watch.
"Oh. It's only two forty-two," he said.
Nick's reaction was not what Damien expected. 
Damien was certain the delay would only have increased Nick's nervousness but he remained completely calm. 
Was it really Anthony who had made a nervous Nick run away to replace it with the Nick that Damien knew?
"What do you mean it's only two forty-two? The presentation was at two o'clock," Damien reminded him, confused.
By the time Nick got ready to answer, heel sounds were heard and an attractive brunette appeared in the ‘waiting room’ displaying a professional smile.
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen," the brunette began speaking with a loud voice to be heard by everyone. "I have an announcement to make. The presentation which was supposed to start at 3PM will be slightly delay due to an unexpected event and will now start at 4 pm. We thank you for your much appreciated patience."
The brunette left as quickly as she came and Damien directed his attention to Nick, confused and hungry.
"Wait a minute. Is it me or she said that the presentation was originally supposed to start at 3PM?"
Nick opened his laptop, pretending to be focused on the screen in front of him.
“Ah! You probably didn't hear well. She said 2PM".
Damien looked at Nick for a moment. 
He knew all too well his best friend. 
For starter, Nick was a very bad actor and liar. 
Damien could read him like an open book.
"Nicolas," Damien exclaimed, wanting to get his best friend's attention.
"Hmm," Nick replied, his eyes remaining on the screen.
"The presentation, was it at two or three o'clock?" Damien inquired, who unfortunately realized he already knew the hidden truth.
Nick drew a smirk on his face, while Damien would have liked having a knife in his possession.
"Don't be mad. I just wanted to make sure you'd be there at least an hour in advance."
"You fucking bastard," Damien said, while remaining calm.
Nick's smile grew.
"Yes," Nick agreed. "But you love me so much."
"I'm starving Nick. Is there a cafeteria somewhere?"
"Yeah, there is. I'll give you my card, so you'll get a discount."
"I think that's the only good thing you've done today."
"I know it's your hunger that is speaking and you don't mean it," Nick replied with a smile.
Nick fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a white card, with his picture, his information and the company name on it. 
He handed the card to Damien, who tore it brutally in his hand, before getting up and marching towards the elevator to go to the cafeteria. 
In front of the elevator, Damien received a message from Nick.
[You're welcome. And by the way, I don"t think you know where the cafeteria is, right?]
Damien felt as Nick was doing everything to get a punch in the face today.
[Give me the floor number jerk.]
Damien's belly was acting up. 
He hoped the cafeteria had some excellent meals to offer.
[It's a secret.]
Damien rolled his eyes, sighed and typed his message.
[I'm leaving. Adios asshole.]
Nick's answer didn't take long.
[Twelfth floor.]
Damien couldn't help smiling at the speed of Nick's answer. 
He went to the floor where the cafeteria was. 
He took the food he usually ate and loved. 
And luck was finally on his side since the beginning of the day. 
The food was excellent. 
A pure delight. 
Damien didn't know if it was because he was extremely hungry that influenced his judgment but no matter, he ate his fill.
Around 3:40, Damien received a text from Nick.
[You done already?]
Damien took a picture of his empty plate and answered the text.
[No.]
Nick answered right away.
[Bring your little ass right now.]
Instead of going upstairs to join Nick, Damien decided to call Craig. 
Damien was surprised when Craig answered after two ring.
‘Yes Damien?’ Craig answers, the tone of his voice very impersonal.
‘Oh. Did you just remember that you had a boyfriend?’ Damien said sarcastically, trying to control his anger caused by Craig voluntarily ignoring him since morning.
‘If you're calling me just to argue, I'd rather hang up.’
Damien was silent for a moment, not sure how to continue the conversation without introducing their argument yesterday.
‘I want to see you,’ Damien ends up saying. 
It was Craig's turn to create a silence at the end of the line.
‘I don't think it's a good idea, Damien.’
Damien held back a sigh.
‘Why?’
‘It's too early. I think we still need some time away from each other.’
Damien's face hardened.
‘Well, I disagree. I think a day apart is too much considering the little time we've spent together in the last couple of weeks.’
‘Damien.’
‘No, listen to me, Craig. I won't let this drag on. I'm coming to see you whether you like it or not.’
‘Damien.’
‘I'm hanging up.’
Damien hung up, without letting Craig the time to place a word.
He took a few minutes to calm down and think of the words he would say when he would see Craig. 
Damien was interrupted in his thoughts by a text from Nick ordering him to come upstairs. 
Damien rolled his eyes but still got up from his chair, got rid of it his remaining food and went back to his best friend. 
When Damien arrived to the ‘waiting place’ almost an hour after his departure, he had the impression that nothing had changed and that no one had moved from their place. 
Nick was on his phone, when Damien came to him and sat in his chair.
"It takes you ten years to eat now, Clarke?" Damien handed Nick's card to him who took it, without looking up from his phone.
"I had diarrhea right after, got stuck in the bathroom."
"Very funny," Nick said smiling.
Heel sounds were suddenly heard and the brunette who had come to announce the beginning of the presentations would begin at 4PM appeared in front of them. 
Damien prayed she didn't come to announce another delay, or he would lose it.
"Can I have your attention please? We thank you again for your patience that we appreciated. The presentations will begin in a few minutes. So, if you don't mind following me please."
In a synchronized and automatic way, Nick's colleagues got up and started following the brunette. 
Nick and Damien stood at the same time and followed the little crowd that had formed. 
The two friends were the last of the group and Damien noticed when analyzing Nick's profile that his anxiety had returned.
 After a minute of walking, they arrived at a door that the beautiful young lady opened and entered first. 
She stood motionless in front of the door, smiling as Nick's colleagues entered the room. 
Nick took a moment before entering the room and after a few seconds of hesitation, no doubt due to nervousness, he entered. 
Damien Clark was the last of the group to make his entry. 
The room was the largest conference room Damien had ever seen.
At the very front was a large touch screen with the projector and the computer that were installed in front of it. 
In the middle, a long glass table was placed, as well as black leather armchairs that surrounded it. 
Some of the chairs were empty. 
Those who weren't, were occupied by men in suits. 
Five men to be precise. 
Damien analyzed them one by one trying to be subtle about it. 
The first five were aged fifty to sixty. 
Three of them were bald, one wore glasses and the last one had a particularly stern look. 
To say they looked intimidating was an underrated statement. 
Damien suddenly understood Nick's nervousness and he became himself, awfully nervous. 
It was the first time and probably the last that Damien would meet multimillionaires. 
Damien tried to assure himself anyone would be intimidated if they were in his shoes.
A few yards from the glass table, five rows of five chairs each were placed next to the massive window that overlooked the city. 
Damien and Nick sat next to each other at the last row. 
They were the only ones sitting in that row and Damien was next to the window and couldn't help but look outside. 
The view was lovely and for a while, Damien forgot where he was and that he was on the verge of delivering a presentation in front of men who seemed, from the little he had seen, difficult to impress. 
If Nick and Damien were nervous, the others didn't seem to be. 
Many of them were talking to each other and some of them got up to meet one of the five intimidating men, talking and even laughing with him. 
Nick himself went to see the man and talked with him for a few seconds before coming back to sit on his chair.
To see that eased Damien's nerves a little because it showed that at least one of the men was more less human. 
Suddenly, the room became completely silent. Damien, who was looking at the window, focused his attention to the room to discover the reason for this sudden silence. 
A man had just entered. 
As soon as Damien's eyes and those of the newcomer met, Damien's heart began beating as if someone was threatening him with a weapon. 
His heart was beating so hard he felt like it could be heard. 
His eyes didn't blink at all because they were too busy fixing those of another. Grey eyes. 
Greyer than the sky after a rain. 
An absolutely exquisite grey, as dazzling as the face that wore it. 
As soon as Damien came across those eyes, he recognized who it was. 
It was the insolent man whose beauty was illegal that Damien had met on the ground floor just a few hours ago. 
And just like the first time they met, it was only the man's mannish voice that caused Damien to come back into reality.
"Sorry for the delay," the grey-eyed man apologize with total nonchalance, his eyes directed towards the middle of the room.
The man quickly observed Damien one last time and began walking. 
He reached the back of the room and sat down in the leather chair that was placed at the end of the large glass table and opened the computer he brought with him. 
Damien saw no such thing because he didn't dare turn to look. 
The man was behind him, a few feet away. 
A man he had spilled steaming hot coffee on. 
Intentionally. 
Even worse, a man who was an investor and had the power to put Nick's software on the market. 
No. Not all is lost. 
There were still five men on whom Damien thought he could count. 
He simply needed to convince them by doing one hell of a good presentation. Damien was somewhat reassured. 
If it wasn't for Nick's sake...
‘That bastard.’
Damien would have left the room. 
No, he would have run like never before out of the enormous conference room. 
But he did nothing of the sort. 
He sat there, frozen like a statue, his heart only moving. 
Someone Damien didn't see closed the light and a presentation began. 
Damien had swiftly returned his attention to the window, trying to mentally escape elsewhere since he couldn't do it physically. 
He didn't care it was impolite not to pay attention to what the person was presenting in the front. 
Damien had never been this incredibly nervous all his life and his heart had never had such a beat before. 
Though he was trying to turn off his mind, the questions were bombarding his head.
 He wondered how all this was going to end. 
How would he be feeling once out of this room? 
This room that now looked like a prison. 
How was all this going to be played? 
Damien had to implement all his resistance and refrain with all his force the temptation to not turn around, knowing very well what he would find. 
Knowing very well that the grey-eyed man would be just as much watching him.
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jakebark · 1 year ago
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For a moment, Fancy’s grip loosened.
Jake, in that moment, paused, not fighting nor trying to forcefully escape, feeling a shred of hope. A shred of hope that splintered and subsequently died as the alchemist appeared in the doorway and Fancy’s grip reaffirmed itself, as if it had never relaxed at all. Any further words on Jake’s part had no similar effect, or any effect at all, and he clenched his teeth in frustration.
He couldn’t stop himself from wondering what had happened to Fancy. About how he was somehow still there, but not, even blighted—when he should have been spitting mad like all the others always were. Everyone except for… the Blight himself. What the fuck has he done to you?
The survivor glanced between the two of them, struggling vainly as the alchemist approached, appearing to study him for a moment before reaching forward to take his injured hand in its grasp. It squeezed, and while it was far from the worst pain Jake had endured, it was still enough to see stars. Fancy spoke again this time, entirely compassionless but entirely calm, even, and something in Jake’s chest seized and nausea clawed at his stomach. Dread. Dread, and not for the threats—promises—to his future wellbeing. Jake’s fighting didn’t cease, but he couldn’t dig his heels in enough to stop himself from being dragged onward, and downward.
At the bottom of the stairs, Jake’s desperation and his bubbling panic intensified. Pleading had done nothing so far. Fighting had done nothing so far, except delay the inevitable and dug him into deeper shit—same as it always did. But this wasn’t like fighting or running from a killer intent on torturing to death. This wasn’t death. It was something terrifying to even the veteran survivor, to someone who would much rather die than show fear or weakness. But here, he couldn’t hide it.
This was a dungeon. A brightly-lit, almost medical-looking dungeon, but its bars and chains and dubious tables fitted with restraints were all the same. Jake groaned in frustration, pulling again—almost half-heartedly with the uselessness of his fighting so far—as Icarus led him into one of the cells and began restraining him there. These chains, spanning from his wrist to past his elbows and securely locked in place, were going to be nigh impossible to escape from.
At present, he was well and truly caught.
Fuck, he thought, the first coherent thing that had come to mind since they’d started descending. Fuck.
“You can talk to him, can’t you?” he asked. The tinge of desperation was still lining his words. Something in him hoped that Fancy would hear that and maybe understand, somewhere. Maybe he would catch himself and help instead, before the alchemist returned. Maybe. “Can’t you just ask him what the fuck is going on? Of course—of course I’m going to fight, I don’t know what the hell he wants with me or why!” He wasn’t a killer; he wasn’t even something specially inbetween like Knife-Jake was. He was just a survivor, except—
He inwardly groaned again. This was because of the fucking dog thing, wasn’t it? The Blight maybe knew, and thought he could get different results. Jake felt the urge to bite a rock. This is so fucking stupid!!! he thought, fear—as it usually did when backed into a corner like this—giving way to a bubbling, frustrated anger. Panicked breaths turned to infuriated ones instead. “I haven’t done anything to him. He could at least bother to answer my fucking questions!”
The apparent hesitance on the Blight’s part did not go unnoticed to the fleeing survivor, but it wasn’t a detail that Jake had any time to dwell on. He slipped past the Blight towards the door and shoved past it just as easily, too easily. Jake managed one long stride out of the door, and then something cinched around his arm and yanked him back. He was taken so off guard that he didn’t catch his balance, staggering right into whatever, or whoever, had managed to grab him.
It took his mind another second to catch up. The alchemist never had worked with others, had he? Jake’s blood chilled as he turned to look back at—at—
“Fancy?” Jake whispered disbelievingly.
Keep reading
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floralseokjin · 2 years ago
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⤑ 9 months to fall in love 11.
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It seems like everyone around you is either already in love, or in the process of falling, and while normally you couldn’t give a damn, finding out the co-worker you’ve had a teensy crush on is dating someone else at the office seems to sucker punch you right in the gut. It’s stupid, and you’re irritated at yourself, but you can’t seem to shake out of the funk you’ve fallen face first in.
Feeling lonely and heartsore, and mad for no reason, during drinks with your best friend you spot a man at the bar. Tequila confident, you make your way over to the stranger, and successfully one thing leads to another. The next morning you leave before he’s woken up, feeling satisfied in one way, but still as discontented as ever. Telling yourself it was an inebriated mistake, you quickly try to forget about it.
Only, three weeks later that night comes back to haunt you – in a very unescapable way…
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pairing; kim seokjin x f reader au/genre; unplanned pregnancy, strangers to lovers, slow burn, romance (dare I say romcom in places), smut, angst, (melo)drama, dual pov words; 9,120
warnings/includes (!) Seokjin’s mom plays matchmaker 😬, as Yuna will say it’s one step forward, two steps backwards this chapter, but we still have cute moments, one (1) public erection, very mild angst(?) more like a little melodrama, a small mildly evil cliff hanger because it’s been a while 
⟶ ao3 link
*inspired by the manhwa ‘Positively Yours.’
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↪︎ series index
SEASON TWO ⇤ previous | next ⇥ 
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Seokjin paused reading, his eyes irritated and dry from staring at the computer screen all morning, and leaned back in his chair, automatically reclining slightly. Closing his eyelids, he rubbed his eyes with his fingers briefly before remembering he had eye drops in the top drawer of his desk. As he reached forward his cell phone started to ring, vibrating against his chest from its location inside his suit jacket pocket. He pulled it out, raising his eyebrow when he read the caller ID. 
“Mom,” he greeted curiously. She rarely called him in the day, knowing he was probably preoccupied with work. 
“Seokjinie,” she said, a musical lilt to her voice. 
Despite himself, his mouth lifted up at the childlike nickname. Although, on second thoughts, she only used it when she wanted something… He should probably start feeling suspicious. Instead, he asked, “How are you? Is everything all right?” 
“Everything is perfect,” she replied smoothly.  “I hope I’m not interrupting you.” 
“No, of course not,” he smiled. “You know I always have time for you.” 
“My youngest son, ever the charmer,” she gushed, continuing: “Any woman would be lucky to have him…” 
His stomach dipped a little then, something in the tone of her voice making him feel slightly apprehensive. “I guess so,” he forced himself to chuckle, and attempted to change the subject. “How’s dad?” 
She totally ignored him – or maybe she truly didn’t hear – and charged on. “Do you remember Mrs. Kang? She volunteers alongside me on Wednesdays. For the church luncheon club.” 
“I can’t say the name sounds familiar,” he admitted, now fully dreading what was to come next, because he knew exactly what it was. 
“You’ve met her at least once, Seokjin,” his mom chastised gently. 
“Have I?” 
His delaying got him nowhere. 
“Yes. Well anyway, she has a daughter. The prettiest little thing I’ve ever seen.” 
Seokjin inwardly groaned, tipping his head back to stare at the ceiling, looking for a miracle. 
“She’s lived abroad for the past few years. For work. She’s a food blogger. A nutritionist! Isn’t that amazing?” 
With his eyes scrunched closed, he responded as enthusiastically as he could manage. Which wasn’t very. “Yeah, amazing.” 
“Anyway, she’s back home now. For good. And her mother’s let it slip that she’s looking to settle down, find Mr. Right.” 
‘Let slip.’ He doubted that. His mom and this Mrs. Kang had obviously been conspiring. 
“That’s nice for her. I hope she finds someone soon.” 
“Seokjin.” His mother’s voice was now low with warning. 
He sighed in defeat, unable to keep acting clueless. “Mom, I can’t right now.” 
“Why not?” she exasperated. 
Because I have a pregnant… he started to respond in his mind, but then stopped. What could he even call you? 
Not that it mattered. He couldn’t tell her yet anyway. He wanted you by his side when he did, and until you were comfortable enough to let not only his family know, but yours too, that wouldn’t be happening. So now he had to try and get out of this date some other way. 
“I’m just so busy.” 
It wasn’t a lie. He spent his days in work and when he could, his evenings with you. 
“So busy you can’t even spare a few hours to have dinner with someone who could turn out to be your future wife?” 
Seokjin bit back a snort. “Yeah, that busy.” 
“I know that’s a lie, Seokjin. Hoseok already gave me your schedule for this week.” 
“Oh, he did?” 
He’d conveniently kept that quiet when Seokjin had played golf with him all day yesterday… 
In his ear, his mom sighed. “It’s been so long since I set you up on a date. I’ve been patient, haven’t I?” 
In her defence, yes, she had. For her. She hadn’t meddled in his love life (or more accurately, lack of love life) since last summer. She’d lasted almost a year. It was commendable – almost. 
He shook his head resolutely. “I can’t go on a date with anyone.” 
That determination must have been heard in his voice too because there was a beat of silence, and then his mother asked suspiciously, “Why?” Before he could think of a reason, she was squealing, the high-pitched noise piercing his eardrum. “Oh my—Seokjinie, are you dating somebody?” 
Still wincing from her assault, he tried to correct her. “No, mom—” 
“You are, aren’t you?” she cut in excitedly. 
“No, I’m not. Please,” he breathed, trying to calm her down, while simultaneously feeling frustrated because he couldn’t explain the truth. “I’m not dating anyone.” 
Technically though, it was the truth. What you and he were doing was more than that, yet at the same time, it could very well be less. If that made any sense at all. No, he shouldn’t think like that. Let his doubts take over yet again. You were both on the same page. This both meant something to you. You’d already cleared that up over a week ago after dinner with Yuna and Jimin. 
“I just…” Seokjin tried again, rubbing a palm over his temple. “I’m not in the right headspace right now. I have a lot going on.” 
Again, that was technically the truth. He did have a lot going on. 
“But Seokjin, this will be great for you. Suzie could be the one.” 
“Considering I know nothing about her other than she’s a nutritionist and Mrs. Kang from luncheon club’s daughter, I don’t think Suzie is.” 
“Enough.” His mom obviously hadn’t appreciated his sarcasm. “Me and your father just want you to be happy. Like your brother is.” 
“I am happy,” he laughed absurdly. Then, trying to back his own corner, he added, “You can’t deny it, mom. Even you said so yourself!” She’d commented a number of times over the weeks how Seokjin seemed lighter and more content than usual. 
“But it’s not because you’re in a relationship,” she said slowly, as if trying to understand. 
“No. I don’t need a reason like that to be happy.” 
However, while it was true, he felt a little like a fraud. He couldn’t deny his recent spike in happiness was because of you and the baby. In a few months he was going to become a father. Things with you, despite his insecurities, were becoming more promising as the days went by. 
And just like that, the guilt set in. It hadn’t felt like a secret until now, just a piece of information he’d neglected to mention. He wanted to tell his mom about you, knowing that she would adore you in no time. His mom was the sweetest person he knew. Of course, the initial shock would be a lot, he wasn’t stupid. This wasn’t how she’d imagined things to go for him, just like he had never imagined it either, but once the news had settled in, once she wrapped her head around everything, there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that she wouldn’t welcome you with open arms. 
“But Seokjin,” his mom was saying now, “it’s been so long since you’ve had a girlfriend. Like a serious, steady girlfriend. Remember Naeun?” 
“We weren’t that serious,” he sighed, rubbing a hand over his face, the face of the last women he’d dated properly appearing in his mind. 
“You took her to the beach house.” 
“Only because you wouldn’t stop begging.” 
And we broke up a couple of weeks later…
His mother sighed wistfully. “Whatever happened to her?”
“I don’t know. We haven’t spoken since we split up.” 
“Oh, that’s a shame.” 
Seokjin gave a noncommittal hum in response, opening his mouth to try and escape this phone call, but she beat him to it. 
“So, Suzie. Can I pass your number over?” 
“No,” he exclaimed with a frustrated laugh. “I’m not going on any dates.” 
“Please, Seokjin.” 
“No. Not right now.” 
She was like a dog with a bone when she got an idea inside her head. 
“Just say you’ll think about it,” she tried to wheedle. 
After a moment or two, he gave in, just for a brief respite. “Fine. I’ll think about it.” 
Think about how to get out of saying yes, that was…
She squealed happily. “That’s great. Let me know your answer tomorrow!”
What?! 
“Mo—”
“I’ve got to go. Me and your father are going out for lunch. I love you, bye! I’ll tell him you said hi.” 
Defeated, he let it go, telling her he loved her too before hanging up. Phone gripped in his hand, he leaned back in his chair again, closing his eyes. He could feel a migraine setting in. 
.
.
“What?” you asked, bemused by Seokjin’s playful smirk as you made your way back to him on the couch. 
It was Monday evening, and, just like you’d been doing for the past couple of weeks, you’d joined him over at his place to help share his grandmother’s leftovers. It was fast becoming the highlight of your week – that woman could cook! Food always tasted better when someone else made it, and seeing as you hadn’t joined your father and stepmom for dinner lately, this was all you’d been getting. 
“What kind of water jet was that?” he asked before barking out a laugh. “I thought you were going to come through my ceiling.” 
“Jin!” you cried, absolutely mortified. You’d been peeing more than usual lately, which was mainly due to you trying to drink more water, but you’d also read that your uterus had long started to push on your bladder, so when you needed to go, you needed to go… Sometimes the flow was urgent, forceful. You just hadn’t realised Seokjin might be able to hear it. 
When he continued to laugh like it was the funniest thing in the whole world, you stopped abruptly, an arm’s reach from him, brows pinched together. When he realised you were annoyed, his laughter softened, but it didn’t disappear altogether. He outstretched a hand.  “Come here, I’m only teasing.” His voice was gentle, wheedling. 
You crossed your arms. “No.” 
With a whine, he lunged forward, grabbing you by the waist. “I said come here.” 
Against your better judgement, a smile tugged the corners of your lips before you let out a squeal when you found yourself dropping into his lap. It wasn’t the straddling you’d once imagined. Instead, your butt found purchase just above one knee, your legs resting over the other. Still, it was nice, even if you had to try and seem indifferent. 
“I need to go home now,” you informed him, trying your best to keep your lips a firm line. 
“No, not yet.” Seokjin squeezed his arms around your waist, and frustratingly, your arms wrapped around the back of his neck, betraying you. 
You tried again. “It’s not your decision.” 
His eyebrows ticked up, his plump lips twisting. “Seeing as I’m the one driving, yes, it is.” 
“I’ll get an Uber.” 
“No, you won’t.” 
Instant warmth started to spread through you when his lips found yours, his smile widening when you pressed harder. He’d won, and he knew it. He was weaponising kissing, which was frustrating, especially considering kissing him was already dangerous enough. Ever since you’d agreed to take things slow, i.e., not have sex, you’d both been actively and obviously, avoiding temptation. If either tongue went even a millimetre too far, it was over. Done. You’d draw apart and awkwardly try to start conversation about something mundane like work or the weather. 
It was tough, don’t get you wrong. You wanted nothing more than to shove your tongue so far down his throat you felt his uvula – well, not really, but you got the picture. You wanted his hands on you, his mouth on you, his di­—Okay, time to stop. Yuna hadn’t been the best moral support at first. “You don’t have to have full sex. Maybe he can just finger you a bit,” she’d suggested unhelpfully the day after dinner. You both had known getting to second base would never be enough, nor could neither you or Seokjin stop at that. So, as much as you’d love to be reacquainted with those talented, long fingers, you held strong and hadn’t initiated anything. Seokjin was right, if you wanted this thing to become something concrete and definable, being careful was a must. 
Besides, you still had your imagination. And your small collection of sex toys. You’d recently upgraded. Your purple bullet vibrator had served you well, but the pink glittery dildo that had arrived at your door in an unassuming brown box last week, now served you even better. You had no clue why pregnancy made a person so aroused, but then again, not every pregnant person had Seokjin as their baby’s father. You doubted they were going through the same thing as you. It was torture, and you were living it day-in day-out. (You made a mental note to google whether or not pregnancy also made you highly dramatic, because right now you were channelling your inner Yuna. God, that was a thought. Yuna pregnant. She would be insufferable.) 
Mid-kiss, you felt Seokjin’s smart watch vibrate against the small of your back, signalling he had a message. You lamented the loss of his lips as he broke away and lifted his wrist up to check. His relaxed expression quickly hardened as he read whatever the text said, his jaw tightening. Then, as if by magic, or just with inspiring self-control, he smiled at you, wrapping his arm around your waist again. 
“Who is it?” you asked curiously, fingertips unconsciously stroking the back of his neck. Sometimes it was strange to think how natural it had become to touch Seokjin like this. You couldn’t pinpoint the exact time of change, which told you it had happened gradually, imperceptibly, and now it was just the norm. 
For a second, you thought he might not answer, his hesitation visible. “My mom.” 
“Aren’t you going to text her back?” 
You hadn’t been expecting that answer, just because his reaction to whatever her message had said was the complete opposite of his reactions whenever he spoke about her. It was glaringly obvious that Seokjin loved and adored his mother, which should be a given for every man but often wasn’t. His disgruntled expression made you think something must have happened today. Maybe they’d had an argument. 
“Later,” he brushed off, leaning into kiss you again, but you pulled back slightly. Something was wrong with him. You could feel how tense his shoulders were under your arms. Not even having to use words, he answered your silent question – albeit it reluctantly. “She’s, uh…” 
No, scrap that. Not reluctant, awkward. 
He sucked in a breath. “She’s trying to make me go on some date.” 
“Oh.” 
You blinked, caught off guard. This suddenly seemed like an odd conversation to have while you were sitting across his lap, Glob’s finally growing home butting against his stomach.  
“It’s what she does,” he sighed exhaustedly, rubbing a hand up and down your back as if he thought you needed comforting. You didn’t. “Every once in a while.” 
You raised both eyebrows, the revelation mildly amusing. “Your mom sets you up on blind dates?” When he nodded, you laughed. Now your fingers were running through the long strands of his thick, tousled hair. “That’s pretty adorable.” “Yeah?” He seemed uncertain. “Adorable isn’t the word I’d use.” 
You sensed his displeasure again, but your mouth was moving without much thought. “Well? What did you tell her?” 
He stared at you as if you’d grown two heads. “No, obviously.” 
Even though it was obvious, you still felt elated. 
Seokjin ran a hand over your back again, catching your bra, although he didn’t notice. In fact, he was talking again, fingertips absentmindedly playing with the clasp, totally clueless. Your body was lighting up, but you ignored his touch with every fibre of your being, close to straining. “Only, she’s not taking it well. She thinks I don’t have a good enough excuse.” 
“What, a secret pregnant woman taking up your time doesn’t cut it?” you joked, then saw the look of dismay on his face. “I’m kidding!” 
He still looked panicked. “I didn’t tell her. Should I have? I thought we were waiting.” 
“No, we are,” you reassured, feeling a little sick now with the reminder that still neither of your families knew about your pregnancy. 
A few weeks ago, you’d been happy enough for Seokjin to let his parents know, but then he’d gotten it into his head to tell them together and now you were stalling for time. You didn’t know why. Apprehension more than anything. But also, telling his parents also meant you had to tell your father and Yeonja… Right now, you and Seokjin were in your own happy little bubble, the company of your annoying friends (yes, that meant Yuna and Jungkook) enough. You didn’t want that to change. You didn’t want what you’d so carefully built to change…
“I said I was too busy,” Seokjin was carrying on, pulling you out of your doom spiral. “But she’d already gotten Hoseok to give her my schedule…” 
“She sounds…determined.” 
“That’s one word to describe her.” 
“So, how many of these dates have you been on over the years?” you asked, more than curious to learn more. 
He visibly racked his brains. “At least a dozen? I limit her to once or twice a year. If she had her way, it would be every week until it works and I’m madly in love and married.” 
Just the thought of Seokjin falling in love with someone and marrying them brought out something primal in you. Something possessive. You swallowed the feeling down. Thankfully that had happened yet, else you wouldn’t be here right now, giving him a dead leg as your butt cut off the blood flow. 
“You’ve never had a successful date?” you asked as he readjusted you. 
“Not set up by my mom, no. Then again,” he muttered, “I don’t go on dates any other way.” 
“So either your mom has terrible taste or you have secret high standards,” you accused, pointing a finger at his chest. 
“I don’t,” he said, a smile playing on his mouth as he wrapped his fingers around your reproachful one. “And the women she chooses are perfectly fine, I just…” He shrugged, trailing off. Then, as if he remembered something, his eyebrows lifted. “Well, there was one” 
That possessive feeling came back with a vengeance. 
“We dated for a couple of months, but it fizzled out.” 
“When?” 
You already knew that Seokjin hadn’t had much relationship experience in recent years. Not properly anyway, ever since a serious relationship ended not long after AGS started to take off. Similar to you. Only the end of your relationship wasn’t because you were fast on your way to becoming a multimillionaire with no spare time to concentrate on love. No, the end of your three-year relationship with Taehyung had ended because he’d wanted to get married and have children ASAP, essentially turning you into a stay-at-home mom – not that there was anything wrong with that, if it’s what someone wanted, but that was precisely the issue. You hadn’t wanted that. You’d only recently graduated, your career just starting. Marriage and babies were the last thing on your mind, even if you did eventually want that with him. But he hadn’t been willing to wait no matter how hard you’d begged him too… 
“A couple of years ago,” Seokjin replied to your question. 
“What was her name?” 
“Naeun.” 
“Why did it fizzle out?”
You were practically interrogating him at this point. If he thought the same, he didn’t let on, answering you without hesitation. 
“Me. I was caught up with work, didn’t really make time for her.” He sounded regretful, embarrassed even, by his past actions. 
You on the other hand were puzzled. In these past few months, Seokjin had never once neglected you. Sure, he was insanely busy most of the time, but he always took time out of his day to text and call you, and when he could, see you in person. Like now. The guy could probably be catching up on some well-deserved sleep right now, but instead he’d invited you over. Then again, you were carrying his baby, so his responsibilities were different. Maybe if you were simply just dating, you’d end up like another Naeun… You mentally shook your head. Why were you thinking that? If it wasn’t for Glob, you and Seokjin would never have seen one another again. Dating wouldn’t have been an option. 
“Well, you never know,” you smiled playfully. “Maybe this next one could be the one.” 
He simply stared at you in response, unimpressed. 
You opened your mouth again. “You should go” 
“What?”
Now you were truly certain that you had two heads. 
You shrugged, sliding your fingers from his hair. They’d somehow been tangled in there this entire time. “If your mom won’t take no for an answer.” You held his gaze, hating that your next question sounded so vulnerable. “It’s just dinner, right?” 
“Well, yeah,” he replied awkwardly. 
“Then, what does it matter?” You tried to sound unbothered. Inside, you were slapping yourself silly. Were you really sending him on a date? 
“It doesn’t, I guess,” he agreed after a moment. Then he sighed. “It just seems like a waste of my time, though. I could be doing something else with my evenings.” His eyes found yours and you tried to keep your mind out of the gutter. “And…well, I don’t want to waste hers, either. She’s looking for ‘Mr. Right’ or whatever.” You couldn’t explain why Seokjin using air quotes was so amusing. 
“You never know, that might be you.” 
“____,” he warned lowly. 
“Okay. I’m just teasing.” You laughed, but it sounded a little forced. Clearing your throat, you leaned in and rubbed his shoulders comfortingly. “I just thought… If you go on this date, your mom will be pacified for the rest of the year.”
He tilted his chin, thinking your words through. One of his hands slid to your stomach, rubbing your tiny bump. “We could just…tell her about…” He continued his movements, letting them do the talking. 
“I just…” You swallowed the lump in your throat, anxiety washing over you in waves. “She won’t be expecting it now.” 
“She’ll never be expecting it,” he said with a slight chuckle. 
“I know that, it’s just…” 
Rationally, you knew the longer you put it off, the worse this feeling would get. You’d been psyching yourself up ever since Glob’s 12-week scan, but tonight felt like you’d walked into a massive brick wall. You’d just learned his mom liked to set him up on dates in her free time. What type of women were they? Could you have ever possibly made the cut? You doubted it. They were probably all high-flying jet-setters, rich and beautiful. Just imagining his mother’s reaction when he turned up with you at her door, nearly four months pregnant to top it all off, made you feel physically sick. Then again, maybe that was your insecurities talking. Time and time again, Seokjin had reassured you his mother was a lovely, non-judgemental person. You had no reason to disbelief him. It didn’t make sense. 
“All right,” Seokjin said softly, obviously reading your torn expression. He surprised you by hugging you. “We don’t have to right now.”
You immediately felt guilty, pressing the side of your face into his chest. You could feel and hear his steady heartbeat. “Seokjin, I’m sorry.” At this point, he should have started feeling irritated at you, instead he was being nothing but understanding. “I don’t know why I’m so worried.” 
“I know it’s nerve-wracking. I’m nervous about it too.” 
His words reassured you. His next ones, not so much. 
“I’ll go on the date. You’re right, at least I’ll be free for the rest of the year after this.” 
You had been the one to suggest it, but you knew deep down it was a stupid idea. You lifted your head. “Are you sure?” 
“It’s just dinner,” he shrugged. “I’ll eat, be polite, then leave,’ he added simply. 
Despite your mood, that made you snort. 
“What?” he questioned, bewildered. 
“I’m starting to understand why your dates never work out… Your priorities are all mixed up.” 
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The next evening, you were at home. 
Work had been particularly demanding today, just one of those days you guessed, so as soon as you’d gotten in, you’d rushed straight for the bathroom. Emptying your bladder first and foremost, and then running yourself a bubble bath. Now, you were in your comfiest pyjama set, the elastic waistband stretchy enough as not to dig into your slowly protruding stomach. You needed to think about making something to eat, but you were in dire need of groceries, never getting a chance on the weekend with Yuna’s dress hunt. She’d finally found something promising on Saturday, a sleeved, classic white dress with a beautifully detailed lace overlay. You were going back this weekend to try it again, so fingers crossed it was the one. Hopefully the torture would be over soon, but then again, after the wedding dress, the bridesmaid dress hunt would begin and that was going to be just as bad. Especially with your developing body. You’d be unable to try anything on and would have to wing it come April. 
You were hovering inside your kitchen when your phone started to ring from its place on the couch. It was Seokjin, and you picked up as quickly as you could.
“Hey, angel,” he greeted, catching you momentarily off guard. He’d never actually said the word out loud – or at least, in that kind of context. As in, not joking around. 
You ignored the butterflies and asked a pressing question. “Why are you calling me so early?” 
He laughed. “Do I need a reason?” 
“No, but…” You trailed off. He didn’t need one, no, it was just he usually only called after 9pm. You’d catch up for twenty minutes, maybe slightly longer, and then you’d go to bed. Recently, you were already in bed when you picked up his call. Your energy had bounced back since you’d entered your second trimester but come the evenings you were exhausted and couldn’t wait to fall asleep. 
“I was just wondering if you’re at home?”
“Yeah, I’m at home,’ you smiled, wrinkling your nose in confusion. Where else would you be? 
“Have you eaten yet?” 
“I was just searching my fridge for the fourth time this hour,” you sighed, ready to complain about your lack of groceries before you heard a knock at the door. “Oh, wait. Someone’s at the door. Hang on.” 
You shuffled into the hallway, your feet not wanting to participate, as you wondered who it could be. Another delivery? Had you ordered an additional vibrator in a hazy orgasm-fuelled hunger? You didn’t think so, but last night after you’d gotten home had been a pretty wild night with Sergio – the fitting name you’d gifted your glittery dildo. 
When you opened the door, your curiosity soon turned to bafflement. Seokjin was stood in front of you, still in his work suit, phone to his ear, his other hand holding a bag, the name of a fried chicken place just down the street from you printed across it. He tilted his head questioningly. “Who you on the phone to?” His voice filled the entryway and buzzed in your ear at the same time. 
“What the hell, Seokjin,” you laughed, hanging up quickly. “What would you have done if I wasn’t home?” (Not really a possibility, but still.) 
He stepped inside, kicking off his shoes. “Good question. I don’t know.” 
You raised your eyebrows. “And if I’d already eaten?” But you were already eyeing up the hidden contents of the plastic bag, the aroma of fried chicken giving you hunger pangs. 
“Not the worst thing,” he shrugged. “I haven’t eaten properly all day, I’m sure I could manage all this.” He shook the bag, cruelly teasing you now, but then he was stepping closer, his sock covered toes practically butting yours. “Hey,” he smiled slowly, leaning in to kiss you. 
“Hey,” you smiled back once he’d pulled away. 
“I’ll get the plates. Go sit,” he ordered gently, his hand spreading over the small of your back to nudge you forward. 
What a lovely surprise. You were grinning like an idiot as you parked your butt down on the couch and waited. 
“Did you have a busy day?” you called to him, taking the bag of food Seokjin had left in the living room, beginning to pull everything out. You probably didn’t need plates. You were going to inhale everything immediately. 
“Meetings,” he groaned from the kitchen. “So many of them. How was your day?” 
You could hear a cupboard opening, plates and glasses clanking, then the tap running as he poured you some water. It made you unexplainably happy to know he knew his way around your kitchen. 
“Not amazing,” you replied. “The client I thought was perfectly normal is actually a pretty persistent, whiny bitch. He’s been emailing be constantly for the past two days.” 
Seokjin appeared in the gap between your kitchen and living room, plates in hand, a slight frown on his face. “He’s not being rude, is he?” 
“No, he’s just… He wants to be updated on every miniscule step.” It was exhausting, to be honest, and very, very annoying. If he carried on like this, it wouldn’t be long before you ended up telling him to stick his personal trainer logo where the sun doesn’t shine. You took the plates from Seokjin, placing them on the coffee table as he went back for the drinks.  
“He doesn’t understand that he’s dealing with a very hormonal pregnant woman,” you continued when Seokjin sat down beside you. You enjoyed eating on Seokjin’s coffee table so much at his place, you’d started doing it here too. 
“Sucks to be him when he finds out,” snorted Seokjin, leaning down to speak to your stomach, his fingers grazing you softly. “And hello Glob, how was your day?” It had become a habit now, eager for your baby to recognise both your voices. 
“They’ve been an absolute menace today,” you informed him, covering his hand with one of yours, while the other impatiently reached for a piece of chicken. “I had to excuse myself at least five times to go fart in the hallway.” 
Seokjin immediately burst into laughter, much to your chagrin.   
“It’s not funny,” you rebuked, mid-chew. “It’s embarrassing.” 
“Everyone has gas,” he reasoned, trying to be sympathetic but it wasn’t working when he had tears of laughter in his eyes. 
“Not everyone sounds like a motorcycle taking off,” you grumbled, licking your fingers after making short work of that chicken.
Seokjin reached over you, piling his plate high. “You haven’t been blessed with Jungkook’s company enough.” 
You were nearly done eating when Seokjin started to shift uncomfortably, fidgeting almost. 
“I, uh,” he spoke, itching the side of his neck. An irritated red patch started to appear. “I let my mom know I’ll go on the date.” A pause. “It’s happening tomorrow night.” 
You tried not to let your eyes bulge. Tomorrow? You thought you had at least until the weekend to prepare yourself. 
“She acts fast,” you heard yourself say. Then, forced a joke. “And I thought Yeonja was bad…” 
Seokjin’s mouth quirked slightly as he finished off his chicken. 
“Then again,” you continued. “I guess I’m not in her company enough for her to start setting me up with God knows who.” Your laugh in no way sounded natural, too high-pitched. “Where are you taking her?” 
You wondered what this mystery woman’s name was, but quickly stopped yourself from asking. The less you knew the better. 
Seokjin shrugged. “I just picked this random place I’ve been to a couple of times.” 
“Nice,” you said, nodding your head slightly, looking down at your lap. Suddenly things felt awkward. 
That feeling didn’t shift for the next hour. You grew less talkative, pretending you were really into a random TV show that you’d flicked onto. In reality, you kept thinking about tomorrow night. Seokjin dressed up nice, at a restaurant, on a date. While you’d be at home probably waiting for a bowel movement. 
When it was time for him to leave, you followed him to the door, practically trudging. 
“Do I get a kiss goodbye?” he asked hopefully. 
It had become something of a little joke between you now, Seokjin always saying it when you said goodbye to one another, but it failed to put a smile on your face tonight. Still, you lifted your chin in silent permission, but you hardly kissed him back when he leaned in. 
With a soft sigh, he stroked your cheek with his hand, his fingertips tickling the shell of your ear. “____, I don’t have to go on this date.” 
“No, it’s fine.” You shook your head. “I said for you to go. I’m just being…” With a frustrated groan, you went silent. You were frustrated at yourself. You had no right to feel like this when you had been the one to tell him to go. 
“I can literally text her right now and cancel,” he continued, pulling out his phone from his pants pocket. 
“No,” you burst out, wrapping your hand around his wrist. “Don’t.” You sighed, rubbing your forehead, trying to make sense of your emotions. “This is her first date looking for something serious, right? If you cancelled, it would only discourage her.” 
Suddenly you cared a lot about this nameless woman’s feelings too.  
Seokjin barked a laugh. “It’s not going to go anywhere, so won’t that discourage her too?”
You levelled your gaze at him. “A mediocre date is better than the date cancelling last minute.” 
At least, you thought so, but maybe your reasoning didn’t make sense. 
“It’s not last minute.” – Seokjin glanced at his watch – “It’s twenty-three hours to go.” When you groaned, he pointed out smartly: “The worst thing I could do is stand her up, and I’m not going to do that.” 
“Stop,” you sighed. 
“Stop what?’ he laughed in frustration. “This makes no sense. She’s going on a date with a guy who’s hiding a pregnant—” He closed his mouth quickly, awkwardly dropping his gaze to slip his phone back into his pocket. 
You ignored the way your skin prickled. You didn’t blame him for shutting up like that. What could he call you? You guys were in some kind of limbo. There wasn’t a suitable word to describe your situation, despite how natural it felt most times. 
“It’s not doing wonders for my conscience, that’s all,” he admitted reluctantly, and you felt a pang of sympathy for him.
That’s what this was about? He felt guilty for deceiving someone. You brushed your own apprehensions, wrapping your arms around his waist. In a couple of weeks her date with Seokjin would be a distant memory, at the end of the day it wouldn’t matter. 
“That’s because you’re a really great guy,” you smiled up at him reassuringly. 
He cocked an eyebrow, sceptical as hell. “Really?”
“Yes, really,” you insisted, fisting the back of his shirt and shaking him gently. 
Seokjin draped his arms over your shoulders, kissing you again. When he pulled away, his eyes still looked unsure. “Are you sure you’re okay with it?” 
“I’m fine,” you reassured. “Honestly.” 
“Okay,” he sighed reluctantly. 
“Okay,” you forced a grin, quickly kissing him once more. “Bye.” 
“Bye.” He crouched down, whispering to Glob too. “Bye baby.”
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The next morning, Seokjin surprised you by asking to meet for lunch. You didn’t think you’d be seeing him again until tomorrow, but you weren’t complaining, obviously. You took the time to find out a little more about his date. Last night before you’d gone to sleep, you’d called Yuna and filled her in on the latest revelations. She’d been uncharacteristically speechless, before admonishing: “It’s basically one step forward, two steps backwards with you two!” You understood why she thought that, but it wasn’t like that at all. This date was just saving Seokjin from his mom’s nagging while simultaneously buying you time before you had to tell her the truth. Although, telling Yuna about everything unfortunately didn’t save you from her nagging. She’d been in your ear for ten minutes; in disbelief you hadn’t demanded every single detail from Seokjin. Name. Occupation. The time of dinner. The name of the restaurant. Her list would have gone on, but you sternly put a stop to it. 
However, this morning you’d woken up with Yuna’s voice still ringing in your ears. On second thought, it did make sense to put a name to the stranger who was going on a date with your…baby’s father… It also made sense to know where they were going to eat, for you know, safety reasons…
At first Seokjin tried to pretend as though he couldn’t remember her name, but you knew he was lying in an attempt to save your feelings. Which was stupid, her name wasn’t going to do anything to you. (Even though yes, you would soon find out, Suzie would be buzzing around your brain all day, so who was the fool?) She was a food blogger, and the restaurant had some fancy name you couldn’t repeat, so you ended up forgetting it almost immediately. They had reservations for 8:30. If Seokjin was wondering about your newfound avid interest in tonight, he didn’t bring it up. Which you were thankful for. 
When he insisted on walking you back to work, you keenly accepted, taking his hand and tugging him down the alley between Artkive’s building and the dog grooming shop next door when you arrived. 
“Where are we going?” he wondered, expelling a shocked breath when you circled your arms around his waist, under his jacket, tugging him to you in an attempt to make him back you against the wall. You were losing your mind. 
“Woah—” He tripped, not expecting your force, and placed a hand out in front of him, practically slapping the brick with his palm. 
“I’m giving you a kiss goodbye,” you grinned up at him before lunging. 
He was so taken back, it took a few seconds for him to reciprocate, but when you pressed your mouth harder against his, your tongue pushing past the seam of his lips, he woke up. The hand not braced against the wall, gripped your hip, squeezing firmly as he tilted his head and kissed you with determination, making you sigh in delight. 
You fisted his shirt before letting your hands explore the expanse of his back, then you let one travel to his stomach, feeling the covered muscles ripple under your chest. He let out a muffled moan, his tongue moving deeper into your mouth, and you started to get a little too excited. You hadn’t made out like this since the whole romper-breastmilk fiasco, which he had been polite enough not to mention again. However, you were acutely aware you were outside in broad daylight. In an alleyway, yes, but still mere footsteps away from your place of work. Seokjin on the other hand was gone. 
The hand on the wall moved to your back, sliding down before it cupped your ass. If your eyes hadn’t been closed, they would be bulging in shock. You didn’t recall him ever doing this before, except for That Night of course. He pressed you flush against him, grunting, and that’s when you felt it. His dick was hard. Very hard. You needed to big up your kissing skills more. You might be terrible at flirting, but your lips knew what they were doing. Obviously. 
Needing to come up for air, you gasped for it like a fish out of water, all the while Seokjin’s mouth pressed and moulded against your cheek and jaw. You clung to him, legs close to collapse, thinking if he were to ask to have you right here, right now, you very well might agree. But mercifully, just before his lips glided to your neck, he stopped, practically tearing himself away. 
You stared at him wide-eyed, your chest heaving slightly, as he panted for breath. “You’re trying to kill me,” he accused weakly, before puffing out an incredulous laugh. 
No way. He was trying to kill you. 
You bit down on your lip, not trusting yourself to speak properly until you took a deep breath. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” you managed finally, your attempt at sounding unaffected failing miserably. 
He leaned in with a smirk, his mouth ghosting yours. When he replied his voice was low and far too sexy and devastating for 2pm on a Wednesday. “Oh, definitely.” 
Your eyebrows lifted. Should you take that as a warning? 
You lifted yourself off the wall, putting trust in your legs. The area between them was hot, pulsing erratically. “Okay,” you breathed, plastering a what you hoped was a relaxed smile on your face. “Then, bye.” 
Seokjin blinked, gathering himself together, and returned his own very tense relaxed smile. “Bye.” He leaned down. “Bye, Globby.” 
It would have been cute if he hadn’t followed it up with a subtle-not-so-subtle dick rearrangement. You looked down at his crotch, he wasn’t fooling anyone. He had an impressive enough bulge flaccid, so erect he was even more eye catching. In the end, a gave up and took off his jacket, draping it over his arm to conceal the issue. 
“Enjoy your date,” you winked, then immediately regretted it, but waved him off all the same. 
He lifted his hand, a small smile on his flushed face, and then he was gone. 
You stayed down the alley for a minute or two, cooling down before you walked into the building. Somehow, you’d both been overly affected by that kiss, even though you’d only wanted to give him something to think about at dinner. You know, just to remind him what he had at home. A pregnant woman who he was sort of dating, sort of wasn’t, who he couldn’t even have sex with because you were taking things slow. You were a catch, right? 
“Good afternoon,” you smiled warmly at the security guard, even though your knees were still knocking together. 
He gave you a slightly odd look before greeting you back. 
You realised why when you slipped into the restroom before entering the office, in need of an urgent pee. Looking in the mirror as you washed your hands, you found your lipstick smudged around your mouth. You’d reapplied it after lunch, which had obviously been a mistake. But then again, you hadn’t been expecting to jump Seokjin down an alleyway when you’d done it. 
You cleaned yourself up and quickly got out your phone. How neither of you had noticed afterwards was beyond you, but then again, you both hadn’t been the most lucid after that kiss. You rushed out a text, and by the time you’d gotten to your desk, slightly breathless, Seokjin had replied. 
You may need to wipe your mouth… Sorry! 
Seokjin 2:02pm 
I don’t want to. Do you think I can pull it off?
You smiled to yourself, laughing silently. 
.
.
You were no longer smiling or laughing a few hours later. 
“You literally sent him on his date horny! What were you thinking?!” Yuna cried, all bug-eyed. 
“What? No, I didn’t!” you exclaimed incredulously. “He had my lipstick all over his mouth and he said he didn’t want to wipe it off.” 
She snorted. “Flex.” 
You shot her a glare, beginning to regret inviting her over tonight. The need for distraction was at desperate levels by the time you got home from work, anything to just not think about Seokjin on a date with another woman. However, that was all Yuna seemed to want to talk about. She was still mad at you for your “dumb decision.” 
Speaking of dumb decisions. 
“Let’s look her up on Instagram.” Yuna was already grabbing her phone. 
“No, let’s not do that. It’s weird.” 
But not as weird as her idea for her and Jimin to spy on him at the restaurant. (In disguises of course – as if that made it any better.) Thankfully the name had been too complicated for you to remember because she’d already told Jimin to cancel his plans for the night. Although, the mental image of Jimin wearing a fake moustache and Yuna in a blonde wig brought a chuckle to you. 
“How so?” Yuna asked, already on Instagram. “She’s a blogger, she wants people to search for her!” 
“I guess…” 
If you were being honest, you’d rather not know what she looked like, but then there was a part of you that was curious… Yuna’s reasoning seemed logical. 
“I’m doing it. What was her name again?”
“I don’t remember,” you muttered, getting second thoughts. 
She was already typing, saying the woman’s name aloud and slowly as she did so. “…Su…zie…Kang…” 
“Why ask if you remembered?” 
Yuna didn’t respond, but you could hear her nails tapping away at her phone screen. You didn’t dare look, finding the strings of your hoody suddenly very interesting. 
“Oh, wow.” 
“What?” Your head snapped up, not liking the tone of your best friend’s voice. “What is it?” 
Yuna looked up and lifted an impressed eyebrow. “She’s hot.” 
“Let me see,” you snapped, snatching the phone from her hand. 
You scrolled, feeling your stomach sink immediately. She was hot. Beautiful, really. Had a body to die for, a smile that left you dazed. She looked like fun, if her photos hanging out with friends were anything to go by, the life of the party. You hated parties. They were your worst nightmare. To top it all off, she was obviously a kind, good person too, a frequent volunteer at an animal shelter. 
“Yeah, if that’s your type,” you shrugged indifferently, passing the phone back to Yuna and swallowing your bitterness. 
“She’s definitely mine,” Yuna replied, mouth opening, practically drooling. She scrolled back to the top of Suzie’s account, and you noticed she had 2 million followers. Great. 
“We could be looking at Glob’s future stepmom right now.” 
You stared at Yuna, unimpressed. “Why would you say that?” 
She was joking of course, you knew that, but it still didn’t make you feel any better. Although, it was your own fault. You’d been acting unbothered by this date ever since you told her. Inside, you were anything but. You were Bothered with a capital, bolded, italicised, underlined B. It had taken you this long to admit it to yourself fully. 
“Because my best friend’s an idiot who sends her man off on a date with someone else for no good reason!” Yuna criticised. 
She wasn’t wrong. But instead, you shook her away. “He’s not my man.” 
She made a loud noise of disbelief. “How else would you describe whatever the hell’s going on with you two?” She started counting on her fingers. “He’s the father of your baby, he spends all his free time with you, he kisses you, he feels your ass…” 
You knew she’d use this afternoon’s public make out session against you! 
“He’s yours,” she stressed slowly. Your chest felt warm all of a sudden. “He basically said you’re building a foundation right now, and you agreed. At least, I thought you did until you sent him into this Goddess’s arms!” She held up her phone, food blogger Suzie’s beaming face mocking you. 
You no longer felt warm. Your voice was small when you asked: “You don’t think I’m a Goddess?” 
Yuna’s face fell, finally realising that maybe you weren’t as okay as you claimed you were with all of this. “No. No, that’s not what I’m saying.” She dropped her phone to the side of the couch, looking beside herself as she clung to you. “You are the Goddess of all Goddesses. Especially with this pregnancy glow going on.” She waved her arms, gesturing over your slouched and very cynical form. “You’ve never been hotter. Seokjin would be a fool to get lured.” 
“You’ve changed your tune.” You were unsure why you suddenly felt so insecure. 
“He’s head over heels for you! I’ve been saying it since day 1!” 
“I don’t know,” you mumbled. 
Yuna rested her head on your shoulder. “Ignore me. I’m sorry,” she apologised softly. 
You managed a smile, taking her hand to give it a squeeze. It wasn’t Yuna you were mad at. It was yourself. Why the hell had you told Seokjin to go on a date?! It made no sense. Were you really that worried to let his family know? This was starting to feel like self-sabotage. 
“It’s dinner,” you heard yourself say, trying your best to reassure yourself. “What’s the worst that can happen?” 
Yuna lifted her head. “Well…” She paused, then rushed out: “He could have some unexplainable enigmatic connection with her, have mind-blowing sex with her at a hotel and end up getting her pregnant… Globby could get a sibling before they’re even born.” 
She just couldn’t help herself. But somehow it cheered you up. It was so ridiculous to hear out loud it was physically impossible not to start laughing. “You know Yuna, you don’t have to voice every single thought inside that mind of yours.” 
She grinned mischievously. “But would you love me the same?” Then she joined you in laughter.
.
.
Yuna went home around 9pm and you had a shower, taking the time to shave your legs before getting ready for bed. You busied yourself with various creams, even painting your toenails (while you still could) as you watched YouTube on your iPad, anything to take your mind off where Seokjin was. Around an hour later, you finally climbed into bed and turned off all the lights, but no matter how long you laid there with your eyes closed, you couldn’t fall asleep. At eleven, you realised why. Seokjin always texted you goodnight. Your phone hadn’t buzzed at all tonight. 
With that realisation, you began to imagine the worst. It was stupid, and you knew that, but lying in the dark, it was easy for your thoughts to run away with you. Not that you didn’t trust Seokjin. You did. You didn’t actually think something could happen between him and this woman tonight. It was more so what you feared he might realise because of this date. 
What if he was so determined to do things ‘right’ that he was just deluding himself? What if he was trying to build something between the two of you that wasn’t really there? Trying to be a potential family only for Glob’s sake? 
You groaned, flinging your head back against the pillows. You were doing it again. Overthinking, catastrophising. It was obvious Seokjin felt something for you. Even you could see that. But the circumstances you were in made little niggles of doubt appear. 
You should have never told him to go on that date. 
What had you been thinking?! 
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Sometime gone midnight, you’d finally managed to drift off into sleep. It hadn’t been the most rested, but you’d still managed to get in 6 hours according to the fitness app you used. You still weren’t feeling much better than you had the night before, and while still arguing with yourself to get out of bed, your phone pinged. Seokjin’s good morning angel did little to make you smile. In fact, you found yourself growing irritated with him. Unjustifiably, seeing as you’d been the one to send him to that stupid restaurant you still couldn’t remember the name of, but you couldn’t help it. 
That was it? No follow-up text? No phone call? He was just going to pretend as though last night didn’t happen? 
Frustrated at your emotions, you angrily got ready for work, not bothering to reply to him. When you got into the office and pulled out your phone from your purse, you saw you had another message from him and a missed call. Instead of reading it, or calling him back, you put your phone on silent and shoved it into your drawer. You had a busy day ahead of you no doubt, filled with more emails from your personal trainer friend… You’d call Seokjin at lunch. When hopefully you’d be in a better mood…
.
.
The morning went fast, despite keeping yourself to yourself the entire time. Twenty minutes before lunch, you heard Mari gasp your name excitedly. “Oh, ____! Look who’s here!” 
Your head shot up from your computer. She was over by the reception desk, talking to Yeeun, which meant she had a clear view of the glass door leading into the room. You knew who it was instantly. Only one person could induce such a reaction from Mari. 
“Seokjin’s come to visit you!” 
The entire office – Seokjin’s Fanclub – started to buzz. You darted out of your seat as quickly as your legs could carry you. For some reason guilt and agitation were whirling around your stomach. 
“Let me open the door,” Yeeun rushed, standing up to leave her desk. 
You got to her just in time. “No.” It came out a lot sterner than you’d intended. You tried again, forcing a smile. “No, it’s fine Yeeun. I’ll go to him instead of interrupting everyone.” 
As you walked towards the door, you saw him stood outside, in a rusty brown shirt with cream polka dots. You’d never seen him wear that before. It looked good on him. But then you remembered you were still mad at him…because of something you’d done. He’d looked worried you realised belatedly, when his expression relaxed as he saw you approach. 
“What are you doing here?” you asked (more like demanded) once you’d opened the door and closed it behind you. 
He automatically reached for you in relief, his hands on your upper arms. “I’ve been trying to call you all morning. I was worried. I thought something bad had happened.” 
“My phone’s been on silent,” you replied, regret washing over you rapidly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think.” Of course he’d worry about you and the baby. You spoke every morning. 
Seokjin’s brows furrowed together, as if sensing something. “Is everything all right?” 
“Yeah,” you brushed off, feeling uncomfortable. God, this was a mess. 
“It’s just… Has your phone been on silent this entire time? I always message you in the morning.” He tilted his head, waiting for your answer. 
The words were out before you could stop them, sounding immature and accusing. 
“You always message me goodnight too.” 
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Written 2022. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2022
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