#I’m not actually being smart here
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with peace and love and all the understanding that this is the least serious shit in the world bro what do you meaaaan mike’s love language isn’t words like brooo that boy is a yapperrr he tries desperately like once a season to tell eleven how he feels and is constantly telling her how amazing and important to him she is like his heart is constantly pouring out of his mouth so bad it’s actually a problem for him. he couldn’t say “I love you” because it was too scary and vulnerable because the words mean so so much to him like. cmon.
#debate me stranger things fandom#this just feels like the one thing this side of the shipping wars gets wrong a lot and it drives me slightly insane#like cmon#Mike? not being able to use words?#I know he’s awkward but boy is he trying and I would say mostly succeeding actually#also like#he explained exactly why he couldn’t say ily in the text#I’m not actually being smart here#whatever had to get this off my chest felt cute might delete
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For the twins in time AU, I genuinely wonder what kind of people the young twins grow up into because of Stan’s/Ford’s influence. Especially if it takes years for the portal to get fixed.
(Sorry if it seems like I already sent this question, I don’t know if it got sent the first time I asked)
I haven’t fully fleshed out how Ford grows up in the past but I do have thoughts on Stan presently
#he’s still his goofy brash self as well#but I do think he gets an outlet for all that through monster hunting and trips and stuff#he does get comfortable here though…#I’m thinking we have something play out that’s similar to the science fair#where they get close to being able to send him home and he breaks something or maybe even purposely sabotages it…#and I think he sneaks out a lot too#maybe he uses the secret identities in that way like when he’s in town he’ll pretend to be Pinley pinington#and that’s how he develops his scammy/improv skills#FORD ON THE OTHER HAND#I think he might actually be MORE emotionally stunted because Stan tries so hard to protect him#that it goes the other way#they kind of become reliant on each other in a really unhealthy way or maybe Stan sort of steers ford away from his smart stuff#to prevent the future from happening#not maliciously but yk#like I said I haven’t fleshed his story out as fully yet so I will get back to you#but there are some interesting possibilities#my art#ask#gravity falls#twins in time au#Stan pines#Stanley pines
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Initial drawings of that old man… I literally, I haven’t finished reading the book of bill yet!!! I had to stop and take a break for a week to feverishly draw fanart of myself petting fords floofy hair and giving him attention and shit…!!!! The urge was too great….!! I’ve literally. I had a crush on this guy the instant he was first REVEALED in the show, but I did not have the artistic prowess to draw good looking old men back then… but I do now… thank god… thank fucking god
#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#self ship#self insert#si x canon#it me#doodles#I got a haircut! so my hair looks different now.. as haircuts tend to do lol#anyway… yeah… I LOVE HIM… GRAHHFJH#the confirmation that he rlly is just sad and lonely and insecure and craving attention and validation#OHH FORD BBY.. WE R THE SAME#like… ghghg i loved him already just w his prickly nerdy outer shell but knowing more about the vulnerable center is GREAT. ITS AWESOME#also hes a smart nerdy guy who can do science and expirements and shit which is ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS FOR A CHARACTER TO DO#u kno im all about scientists….#I couldn’t draw ship art back then 1 cuz I didn’t kno how to draw old men and 2 cuz I was like 13 lol… which would have been wierd#but I’m an ADULT NOW. GET OVER HERE FORD#also it didn’t even rlly cross my mind TO draw that stuff cuz even tho I did love ford#self ship and x reader sorta stuff was not NEARLY as popular back then.. like I specifically remember it like. booming in popularity#at some point. but being pretty rare before that. anyway. thank u passage of time and trends and new gravity falls book for introducing#me back to fictional man I love. so I can now draw myself smooching him and shit#hell yeah.#13 is probably not actually correct I do not remember exactly which year fords reveal was in…#but I was probably older then 13.. but still#the point remains lol.#also omg. the bit in the book w the goth moth. ‘ur probably into this sorta thing right?’#I AM INTO THAT SORTA THING FORD. thank u book of bill for being written specifically @ me. the immersion it’s great.#like ur so right ford I AM edgy and goth how’d u guess that tee hee. eyelash flutter#aLSO PLS IGNORE MY FINGER BEING IN FRAME IN THE LAST PIC. I was drawing in a tiny bound sketchbook#so I had to hold the paper down to keep it flat. and. I didn’t feel like censoring my fucking. pinkie finger out of the image
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personally i don’t think that ieytd will be a full-fledged spy series until Agent Phoenix is forced to team up with Zoraxis/a former enemy thought to be dead bc the most important person in their life is being threatened. just my opinion
#if there isn’t at least one game where you have to work for Zoraxis i’m going to be severely disappointed#i’ve actually thought about this concept a lot i have it internally categorized as operation: paper crane#in which Reggie gets kidnapped and over the course of the game sneaks parts of a puzzle to you phantom medal style#culminating in you figuring out where he is and busting in to rescue him#and juniper can be there too. as a treat#maybe he’s being forced to be here too and he’ll help you get out or smth. we could bring in Prism too since she’s obvious still got a#fondness for Reggie and she’s mega smart#idk. if anyone wants to expand on this concept i am open to suggestions#ieytd#i expect you to die#agent phoenix#the handler#reginald crane#john juniper
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Currently trying not to vomit over the fact that I essentially just lost almost a thousand dollars brb
#why me. why is it always fucking me am I just not allowed to have good things WHAT have I done to earn this kinda karma#my stupid fucking idiot roommate decided to resign the lease at the complex so I naturally contacted the landlords like hey. how does that#work with the security deposit cuz I paid that years before she even moved in do you guys need to come inspect the place after I leave#and they were like oh no ☺️ it just carries over to her. and I’m like. so. so even though I am not living here nor am on the lease#whether or not I get NINE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS BACK hinges on this JACKASS not wrecking the place???? actually not even then because say#she DOESNT wreck the place when she moves out TURNS OUT the deposit goes to her cuz it’s her name and account attached to the fucking#apartment and I’m just left sitting here like how. how is that fucking fair how does that make fucking sense I have to trust that she doesnt#ruin the place OR GET FUCKING EVICTED BECAUSE SHE HAS NO JOB AND NO WAY TO PAY RENT and then also trust her to just give it to me when she#moves out. I’m actually sick I’m actually gonna fucking throw up and the landlords were like yes exactly ☺️ perhaps you could work something#out with her and she could buy you out of it and I’m just like. she doesn’t have a job she still hasn’t paid me for LAST months utilities#let alone this months do you HONESTLY THINK she is EVER going to pay me the 900 dollars I’m fucking owed#and it’s like does this actually affect anything? no. I didn’t budget with that money cuz I didn’t actively have it and that’s not smart but#like…. 900 dollars….. I could have paid off the rest of my credit card with that and also it’s just infuriating that that money is basically#just being GIVEN to this fucking bitch who I KNOW is not gonna keep that apartment in good shape and that’s again if she somehow doesn’t get#her ass evicted cuz she’s not paying bills why they even LET her sign her own lease there I do not understand she literally has no proof of#income but ig they probably didn’t check that cuz she technically already lived there I’m just so. I’m so tired and I’m so done can I PLEASE#stop being the one who constantly gets screwed fucking over in EVERY situation no matter fucking what#while all these fucking idiots and shitty fucking ppl get whatever they want and actively BENEFIT from me getting fucked over???? I’m done.#I’m so fucking done I am never living with someone ever again never being finanacially tied to anyone fucking again and you know what. thats#great goes well with me basically being convinced atp to never be vulnerable with anyone ever again and never trust anyone ever again and#never dedicate ANY part of my life in a genuine sense to anyone ever again I will be fucking alone in every sense for THE REST of my fucking#life and that’s that. it’ll be better. this kinda shit will stop happening. financially emotionally psychologically I will stop suffering#because holy fucking shit I can’t do it anymore man I’m sick of it I’m sick of trying to be a good person and depend on people and be#vulnerable and always uphold my side of the responsibilities and arrangements just to get fucking spit on like man if this is what being a#shit person gets ppl maybe I should try because they sure seem to get all the benefits and whatever the hell they want consistently and#always while I try and be considerate of others and devote myselves to them and this is all I fucking get for it#and ik I KNOW this is just the straw on the camels back and this is a lot of issues compounding and it’s not even about the money atp#but I’m just. I’m so fucking sick and tired and beaten down and I’m tired of trying I just want to be completely on my own#so at least if bad things happen or I feel like shit I only have myself to blame and it’s safer that way and I’ll have to stop feeling like#this and dealing with these types of things UGH
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IS THAT NEEDLESS SEPERATION TELLING A CASUAL JOKE?? SINCE WHEN DID YOU GAIN CASUAL SNARK
I have a list of prepared jokes, however—I think you will be able to tell when I am going to make one.
#no i’m sorry they were being soo genuine. for both of these asks#they would become worse just out of spite . and they do actually think they are pleasant to be around because they are so helpful and smart#and they have the ego of a . well. whatever has a bigass ego#needless separation is here
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crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It
#my version of them is centered around their blog version with the ‘personality’ of their steam review and like a bunch of HC#i developed them with the implication that they’re Real but i’m a bit iffy on it#because all my friends have theories about how they’re from the narrator’s consciousness which is sick as hell#and i’m unsure how to actually structure everything or if i should go the same route so i can get approval from them </3#my friends r the real reviewer fans even though they dont plague themselves over them every day and im so sad that i don’t know anythinggg#gggggggggggg#like im p sure they genuinely hate the stuff i make about cookie9 and im just. scrumbles myself. sorry im Trying :( i’m not smart#or good at writing or even media literate#whatever that term means#all i have is love in my heart for them i don’t know anything at all#ouhghghhg they hate It so much but i cant do anything else and it’s all i have#like all my cookie9 stuff works on the ‘what if their blog self Was Real’ but i’m not actually sure how to fit it all into my actual parabl#stuff because i still havent worked out how my parable itself works#and people probably don’t think i know enough and i don’t think they’ll approve if i try. so i Don’t#tempted to blame this on my like. general crushing lack of intelligence caused by both physical and mental reasons#but i want to believe i could do better if i try? but that’s incredibly hopeful#i’ll be stuck here forever i think#<-guy who. whenever Anything wrong happens ever. just goes back to ‘oh yeah its because im dumb as fuckign rocks. due to the Incidents’#i am very scared of the possibility that it is possible for me to be anything more because that implies that i’m stupid because i didnt try#even though i’m trying very very fucking hard and every time i get something wrong way more than anyone else i’ve ever known#and they hate me for it . MAN!!!!!!!!!#<-brain is lying 2 me i think nobody hates me or . whatever. it still feels like it though im just saying this because i dont want anyone t#think people genuinely hate me for being stupid. i mean. people DO. but not my friends ☝️#man i can’t even get into the buglivia crap either because she is so abstracted from her actual review#girl w identity issues and also the general normal Changing A Lot Through Time. i scrumble her. around#her Self during 2018 would in fact be in character for the review.i want to draw her during that time. she took everything so seriously </3#tbh my version of her does react well to TSP humor but at the time she felt like she wasn’t allowed 2 Do Her Thing and tried to seem#more professional and Normal and it seeped into EVERYTHING for a bit#cookie9 though just genuinely found the narrator annoying and patronizing. its just not his thing and thats fine#<-random nonsensechemical reviewer bits hidden inside the vents. SEND POST.
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on the bright side i’ve figured out how to make auto actions in csp and made one each for a blur/noise filter and chromatic aberration. with the goal of looking like a screenshot of something from cartoon network in the 2000s
it took So Much trial and error to get the chromatic aberration to work well but once i learned that the auto action can only happen to one layer at a time i got it down pat
#it feels a little silly to say but i felt really smart while i was figuring it out#the noise effect was easy. the chromatic aberration wasn’t#auto actions only record making a new layer; changing layer modes; making correction layers; changing a layer’s settings; transforming. etc#you can’t record drawing anything or like making a fill or applying a texture unless it’s perlin noise afaik#normally to do chromatic aberration you make 3 copies of your final drawing; clip pure RGB layers to each. one red. one green. one blue#all of the values at 255 for the given color and 0 for the other 2. set the color layer to multiply. merge each with their drawing#so you have 3 layers of your drawing in R G and B#set the top 2 to screen and then start offsetting them however you like depending on how strong you want the effect to be#bwammm#to get recordable steps for auto action i had to do everything to each color layer at once#copy the drawing. so the action is COPY. new correction layer gradient map; i made 3 gradient maps that were flat R B G#like not actually maps. but that was the easiest way i could think to get a ‘fill’ in an auto action#next clip it and set it to multiply. merge. then i had to offset it w/o being able to see what it’d look like at the end#since auto actions only work on the ‘top’ layer. you can’t hop between layers. you can only work in one direction#so to make sure the aberration looked right i did a test run and counted out the pixels transformed in each direction for each color layer#like when zoomed in 4 times from base R goes up 3 left 1; B down 2 right 4. etc#so id just know how to transform each layer while i was recording the action and id get a reliable aberration with a halo i liked#the auto action doesn’t include merging everything at the end bc that scares me. so i can always just edit the offsets on each color layer#for future uses of the action. but. i like knowing i got a reliable recording of a good offset on each color#i can just make a drawing look like it came from the 2000s in 2 clicks now!#2 clicks!!! i got it!! i’ve tested it on a few drawings and it just works!! two clicks!!!#i’m proud of a lot of parts of this lineup. i might talk about it more on here or insta for funsies#i like breaking down my own art. i think a lot of technical artists do#god there’s a reason my mom thinks i should be an art teacher 😭😭😭#i talk
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idk if i can fully articulate this but i find it like, Interesting how often people seem to flinch away from the notion of a character having a genuine difficulty in academic settings that is caused by Intellect — how often people will seemingly try to get around the idea by writing something that amounts to, like “No this character is Smart, they just struggle with XYZ and if they were Accommodated for that, then they wouldn’t struggle in school” but it’s like,, why do they Have to be ‘smart’ though?
#N posts stuff#do you know what i mean? am i pulling out of a biased sample selection here? it’s possible#i’ll admit i’m largely talking about like. fanworks#reading a lot of ST fic right now and I’m talking largely about Eddie but it applies to Steve too#where I’ve seen a lot of explanations ranging from like. Dyslexia to Deliberate Self Sabotage but#no one seems willing to confront a ‘they just Genuinely Can’t Get It’ reading of the characters#it’s Always a ‘No they’re Really Smart BUT’ thing#like people are anywhere from reluctant to afraid to admit that some people Aren’t like that#note that i’m speaking generally in terms of academic settings which like. are a specific kind of environment that like.#doesn’t generally Do a good job of being actually indicative of how ‘smart’ a person is (just like IQ tests)#but the point still stands that - in essence - people are seemingly Very uncomfortable with the notion of intellectual disability#in any capacity — even in comparison to learning or developmental disabilities#like just look at how many people will Insist on bringing up the percentage of autistics with ‘higher than average’ IQ#with little to no provocation just in an effort to distance themselves from ‘those’ autistics
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Guess I’m starting a tag bc I cannot be stopped.
The AGONY of the faint leitmotif of “leaves on the vine” while iroh talks about how he owes Zuko 😭😭😭😭😭😭
#I’m on episode 4 now and GENUINELY do not understand where all the hate is coming from#no it’s not as good as the source material and that’s fine#that doesn’t make it bad#I think theyve made a lot of very smart decisions as far as adaptation goes#like centering multiple plots within Omashu. that’s smart as fuck!#and sure there’s not as much breathing room for filler but the characters?? are still?? having mini side quests???#ffs TAO is here. that in and of itself is shocking#also they are straight up burning people alive on screen on the regular.#I think this adaptation has already justified itself by casting literal children and just. letting them face the horrors of war#it’s easy to forget how young these characters are when animated but it’s fucking hard NOT to be constantly reminded#when watching actual 12 and 14 year olds.#azula hasn’t done much yet but fuck dude. THATS A CHILD! THATS A MIDDLE SCHOOL CLIQUE!#also maybe I’m overly forgiving of the younger actors being a little stiff and awkward. but like. they’re kids. it’s okay.#apple talks#apple reacts to Netflix atla
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Who is the most perfect character in all of MDZS and why is it Jin Ling?
#not even tagging this bc I know at least 1 person is gonna take it way too seriously#and be like NUH UH#which is fine you’re entitled to ur wrong opinion lmaooo#apple babble 🍎#baby boy#I love him sm SM SM#I have so many thoughts on him too bc of everything he’s gonna through#he’s always watered down to be a spoiled brat with a bad attitude and I hate it#bc he’s actually a deeply emotional and talented and smart boy#who cares a GREAT DEAL about being good and doing the best for others#and someday I’m gonna be able to sit here for more than 2 minutes so I can type it all out and defend my son lmfaooo#GONE THROUGH not gonna#I need to be able to edit tags on mobile fr this is ridic 😭😭😭
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Me when I get 5 comments on my IG post
#My art#everyone hates me it’s fine#jk I have to think more positively#I’m grateful for the buds who did coment#At least on tumblr I don’t have to worry about ppl perceiving me#I’m safe here#thanks tumblr#i love u guys#Do u like me tho#tell me u love me!!!#>:(#Im fucking spiraling yall#I just feel so fake and delusional and pitiable on there bc it all feels like a fucking lie like what am I flexing for I’m just an orb#Because they don’t know that I’m actually severely mentally ill and I’m SUFFERING#Or maybe they do and that’s why they all pity me and feel bad for me and look at me and gather around and laugh#Hahahahhahaha#What a fucking freak#Have fun being sick in the head with delusion for the rest of your life#Hope u like living in the street bitchhhhh#Cuz that’s where ur ending up bc we are all going to socially ostracize you out of existence#F#I’m really spiraling yall#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#actually I will most likely not end up on the street bc I have lots of love and support in my life and I’m smart + skilled + kind + also Ho
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heywhatsupyouguys it’s lee I was vesselofthebook and thesecrethistory1992 before that
#crawling back to tumblr like it’s my toxic ex <3#anyway every update I can think of in the tags go:#I’m actually here bc I have step 2 (board exam) on Thursday so kms#my gf publicly came out as trans so I publicly came out as a lesbian to nobody’s surprise#(here’s a secret don’t tell her but I’m planning a proposal)#um. finished my pathology year and now finished clinical rotations. hated them thanks I wanna go back to pathology.#won some more pathology awards for being really cool and smart and sexy#and yeah that’s what you missed ig
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Everyone wants a himbo until you realise he doesn’t have a fucking clue that you’re into him even when your friend is wingmanning so goddamn hard.
#personal#he’s so stupid omg#like he’s actually like genuinely very smart but the man is so dumb FUCK#and I’m just over here pining and being weird about it
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please help me- i used to be pretty smart but i’m having so much trouble grasping the concept of diegetic vs non-diegetic bdsm!
gfkjldghfd okay first of all I'm sorry for the confusion, if you're not finding anything on the phrase it's because I made it up and absolutely nobody but me ever uses it, but I haven't found a better way to express what I'm trying to say so I keep using it. but now you've given me an excuse to ramble on about some shit that is only relevant to me and my deeply inefficient way of talking and by god I'm going to take it.
SO. the way diegetic and non-diegetic are normally used is to talk about music and sound design in movies/tv shows. in case you aren't familiar with that concept, here's a rundown:
diegetic sound is sound that happens within the world of the movie/show and can be acknowledged by the characters, like a song playing on the stereo during a driving scene, or sung on stage in Phantom of the Opera. it's also most other sounds that happen in a movie, like the sounds of traffic in a city scene, or a thunderclap, or a marching band passing by. or one of the three stock horse sounds they use in every movie with a horse in it even though horses don't really vocalize much in real life, but that's beside the point, the horse is supposed to be actually making that noise within the movie's world and the characters can hear it whinnying.
non-diegetic sound is any sound that doesn't exist in the world of the movie/show and can't be perceived by the characters. this includes things like laugh tracks and most soundtrack music. when Duel of Fates plays in Star Wars during the lightsaber fight for dramatic effect, that's non-diegetic. it exists to the audience, but the characters don't know their fight is being backed by sick ass music and, sadly, can't hear it.
the lines can get blurry between the two, you've probably seen the film trope where the clearly non-diegetic music in the title sequence fades out to the same music, now diegetic and playing from the character's car stereo. and then there are things like Phantom of the Opera as mentioned above, where the soundtrack is also part of the plot, but Phantom of the Opera does also have segments of non-diegetic music: the Phantom probably does not have an entire orchestra and some guy with an electric guitar hiding down in his sewer just waiting for someone to break into song, but both of those show up in the songs they sing down there.
now, on to how I apply this to bdsm in fiction.
if I'm referring to diegetic bdsm what I mean is that the bdsm is acknowledged for what it is in-world. the characters themselves are roleplaying whatever scenarios their scenes involve and are operating with knowledge of real life rules/safety practices. if there's cnc depicted, it will be apparent at some point, usually right away, that both characters actually are fully consenting and it's all just a planned scene, and you'll often see on-screen negotiation and aftercare, and elements of the story may involve the kink community wherever the characters are. Love and Leashes is a great example of this, 50 Shades and Bonding are terrible examples of this, but they all feature characters that know they're doing bdsm and are intentional about it.
if I'm talking about non-diegetic bdsm, I'm referring to a story that portrays certain kinks without the direct acknowledgement that the characters are doing bdsm. this would be something like Captive Prince, or Phantom of the Opera again, or the vast majority of bodice ripper type stories where an innocent woman is kidnapped by a pirate king or something and totally doesn't want to be ravished but then it turns out he's so cool and sexy and good at ravishing that she decides she's into it and becomes his pirate consort or whatever it is that happens at the end of those books. the characters don't know they're playing out a cnc or D/s fantasy, and in-universe it's often straight up noncon or dubcon rather than cnc at all. the thing about entirely non-diegetic bdsm is that it's almost always Problematic™ in some way if you're not willing to meet the story where it's at, but as long as you're not judging it by the standards of diegetic bdsm, it's just providing the reader the same thing that a partner in a scene would: the illusion of whatever risk or taboo floats your boat, sometimes to extremes that can't be replicated in real life due to safety, practicality, physics, the law, vampires not being real, etc. it's consensual by default because it's already pretend; the characters are vehicles for the story and not actually people who can be hurt, and the reader chose to pick up the book and is aware that nothing in it is real, so it's all good.
this difference is where people tend to get hung up in the discourse, from what I've observed. which is why I started using this phrasing, because I think it's very crucial to be able to differentiate which one you're talking about if you try to have a conversation with someone about the portrayal of bdsm in media. it would also, frankly, be useful for tagging, because sometimes when you're in the mood for non-diegetic bodice ripper shit you'd call the police over in real life, it can get really annoying to read paragraphs of negotiation and check-ins that break the illusion of the scene and so on, and the opposite can be jarring too.
it's very possible to blur these together the same way Phantom of the Opera blurs its diegetic and non-diegetic music as well. this leaves you even more open to being misunderstood by people reading in bad faith, but it can also be really fun to play with. @not-poignant writes fantastic fanfic, novels, and original serials on ao3 that pull this off really well, if you're okay with some dark shit in your fiction I would highly recommend their work. some of it does get really fucking dark in places though, just like. be advised. read the tags and all that.
but yeah, spontaneous writer plug aside, that's what I mean.
#I found their original stuff while I was researching various waterhorses and their folklore for no reason#because one of the characters in their original work happens to be an each uisge#and then it turned out it ALSO included a lot of figures from welsh folklore in general#so yknow if you happen to have my incredibly specific hyperfixations you'll love it but even if you don't it's great#I didn't mean to bring up phantom of the opera so much it just happens to be very relevant to a lot of my talking points#I haven't actually seen it in years
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i’m drooling at ur older bf price (not much else to say except when/if u ever have more thots abt him please share 🙏)
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You curl in on yourself after sex, sometimes. It’s a pattern Price has noticed—you’ll finish, then he will, and in the humid moments after, the shutters in your eyes will close. You won’t meet his gaze.
He’s only asked once about it, and it had been so clear that the question disturbed you that he hadn’t pressed. You’d tell him, he reasoned, when you were ready—
(And he could nudge you in that direction in the meanwhile.)
The sink is put back together, cabinet door closed. Your sundress is wrapped and twisted around your midsection, naked breasts wet with his saliva and compressed against his chest as you lay panting on top of him. His shirt is in some far-off corner, thrown aside, and his jeans are around his knees.
“That was nice,” he murmurs in your ear, kissing your hair. He makes a home for his fingertips between your shoulder blades, walking the trail of your spine, up and down, slow as a tide.
“Mm-hm,” you say, out at sea. Far away.
He can’t deny that it disappoints him. But it isn’t about him, and he shouldn’t make it so. Even if it is about him, it isn’t actually about him—it’s about something else that has attached itself to him. Things are like that more often than not—deeper, older problems with hooks, the barbed kind that sink in and cling and won’t come out of their own accord.
So he keeps kissing your hair, and he keeps stroking your back. His softened cock hasn’t slipped from you yet, and he makes no move to dislodge it. You nestle closer to him; shift your body over his, a little, just for the feeling of it. He waits for the sigh—the long, steady breath you take after the act, after you’ve found yourself again in wherever it is you go after moments like this.
“This is probably weird to talk about after sex,” you say, and Price’s ears perk up.
“Nothing weird between us, dove,” he encourages. “What’s on your mind?”
You play with his chest hair a little, twirling it around with the manicured ends of your nails. (A manicure he happily paid for.)
“You’re the first man who’s ever given a damn about me,” you mumble into his neck.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” he says honestly. He kisses you again, because he wants to, and because he wants it to comfort you.
“You don’t make me feel stupid for not being able to do stuff on my own,” you continue. “My step—my mom’s husband. He used to make fun of me for, for getting confused about changing my car’s oil. Or he’d get annoyed at me. Or I’d need him to change my tires because I can’t do it on my own, and I’d call him for help, and he wouldn’t pick up the phone.”
“He sounds like a piece of work,” Price comments.
A younger version of himself would have offered to beat the shit out of the asshole. That self’s anger on your behalf sits radioactive in his chest even now—corrosive, roiling, righteous fury, ready to carve your name on whatever offal is left over after Price gets through with him.
But that would be for his own ego, not for you. That has no place here.
“Do you know—” and your voice breaks a little, “do you know how bad it feels when a man who’s supposed to look out for you treats you like you’re an idiot? Like you’re not smart enough to be worth helping?”
“Some,” he says. “It’s an awful feeling. I wish you didn’t know how it felt, dove. I’m sorry.”
He feels something warm and wet drip onto his chest, and your shoulders begin to shake.
It’s not the full-body, wracking cry of catharsis. Just an episode of something longer, something tired. A problem dealt with, over and over again—a wound that reopens sometimes, if it’s pulled the wrong way.
Price gathers you closer, wraps his arms around you tighter. He cups the back of your neck with one hand and murmurs “shhh” into your hair, soothing and quiet, squeezing you against him.
“I’m okay,” you say, a little watery. “Really, I am.”
“I know you are,” he says.
He tilts your face toward his, and kisses the center of your forehead. You meet his eyes with your own, wide and glistening with your tears.
“I’m always gonna help you, dove,” he promises, catching one that falls with the edge of his thumb. “And you can always ask.”
-
No I don’t have daddy issues why do you ask
#answered#price x reader#price x you#price x y/n#captain john price#john price#price smut#john price x reader#john price x you#mwritesprice#madi writes#one more of these and I’ll have to make a master list
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