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phantomram-b00 · 1 year ago

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So I know I’ve dip my toast or made some post about this theory, I know most have talk about it. But since I’m back, I do want to finally out in more of a cohesive thought surrounding the theory, that you may love, you may hate, it might spook you maybe, let talk about The Coffee Theory.

Look I’m pretty sure we’ve all heard about this theory more so than the kiss itself. But just incase if newer fans of this show stumble about this. Look no forwards as I’ll explain it, basically the Coffee Theory is the theory that surprisingly MatPat haven’t got his hands on where it theorized that Metatron miracle-d/spiked/drugged Aziraphale’s coffee to make the process of taking him to heaven a lot smoother as well as manipulate him further more. Evidence about this theory goes between the almond syrup being small to then metatron saying “hefty amount” as he give it to aziraphale, aziraphale mannerism during that scene to metatron’s shift to being a war hungry voice of god to a simply “innocent” voice of god. I’ll go more in depth with this but this is basically what it is.

Now before if you scroll down to my haunted page, I’ve always stated that I was bipartisan or neutral about this topic. Most because I wanted time to consumed my overall thoughts but also was a bit afraid I might be alone for not liking it. But then seeing most sides and as well as seeing I wasn’t alone at all. But before anything let me make one thing transparent, if you believe in this theory, that’s okay, more power to you and you’re valid. If you don’t like it, you’re also valid. Regardless of what I’ve said, you still valid, that the beauty about discussion everyone have different opinions or theory. so without further or do, let get into this.

Does the coffee theory work?

Let me go in depth of the evidence before I give my overall thought in this question. So let break it down as I do realize just having a paragraph block after block probably doesn’t work so let me just go by number after number.

1. The Almond Syrup

So, this is the defining characteristic when talking about the theory; it was also emphasized within the show about the almond syrup in the last episode. As when Metatron is ordering the coffee, he asked for a small amount of almond syrup. What does raise eyebrows is when metatron then give him the coffee and said “hefty” amount vs the small amount he asked. Which okay to give it the benefit of the doubt, that does raise Red Flags. As in why would Metatron ask for small and then lie to Aziraphale about the amount of better yet, why give him a specific amount of the syrup at all? Because he could’ve just told him that the coffee just had Almond syrup rather than saying the specific amount. And given that he is the voice of God, I don’t think he would ever forget something as simple as that.

Now granted, it could be that the UK does have a different measurement scale than the US/other places. And look, I’m not British nor European. Plus they weren’t specific on how much pump was specifically used. I can say as from my experience from working at a coffee-fast food place, seeing how it seemingly a medium cup, the average would be three pumps with the small being two and the large being four pumps. I’m not sure if UK has the same or different syrup pumps, I’m not going to pretend like I know, so maybe it could very well be hefty for them or small for them. I mean if to give a more leeway, metatron could’ve very well have put more inside the coffee than how it was originally intended. But why? Especially since it seem weird that he never asked Aziraphale what he wanted in his coffee to begin with (remember this. This will be important). Especially since for three pumps, you can very well taste it unless you REALLY wanna get the full taste of it than taste the coffee. (Now look. I fucking hate Coffee, I’m more of a Hot Chocolate person than anything so I could be very wrong but I have tasted it tho). So this is where people think he most likely miracle or put something more in the coffee, spiking it if you will, and now Aziraphale may be naive but he’s not stupid he would most likely notice the coffee isn’t right, he’s an angel after all, he would most likely sense it. So that could make sense for the syrup to mask the taste of it, sound like it could very well be a good cover.

Now another key point as well is that Almond have a religious implication in it. which does hold more weight. Now from what I’ve look, it symbolism is “watchfulness”. In Jeremiah 1:11-12, God/Metatron (either or) asked Jeramiah what he see? He responded with, “Branch of an Almond tree” to which God/Metatron replied with “You have seen correctly, for I am watching to see that my word is fulfilled”. Yeah look biblical symbolism does not make a lick of sense, and I went to two religious school.

“Phantom why bring this up?”

Well, because it might give the syrup a more symbolic effect of the coffee. I mean, if we’re talking about angel and demon, so Gaiman could’ve very well had a symbolic reasoning let alone a religious symbolism. Especially since, with this context, metatron could be using almond as a tactic to remind Aziraphale He’s an Angel and Must fall back in line in an indirect way. Or even to remind Aziraphale, “God is always watchful, so you must come back “home” now as we must do the ineffable plan”. Now this might not be spiking it as it more or less is a threat tactic. Which is true, so the symbolism can be used as a threat against Aziraphale. I mean why else would he make a point to mention Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship, maybe to say “whatever you have must come to the end, she is watching you.” Or more dangerously “I am watching you”. Granted if this does seem going too deep, I don’t blame you, I mean religion let alone the Bible does wild, I mean we’ve seen the Job episode which I swear if that not how all Bible story sound like in the nutshell I don’t know what is because even Job, his wife and his kids was confused af. But I do think this doesn’t seem far off, especially with how this show does have many symbolism. Not all religious based but if this does have symbolic significance, it not so far off.

But at the same time, what make this fall flat is that, even if he covered it, Aziraphale would’ve still sensed that Metatron put a miracle inside the coffee. Especially as he drinks it. And also he doesn’t seem to drink it a lot at least from what we’ve saw, so the miracle wouldn’t have fall through and he would’ve notice it. Like especially since it is implied that Aziraphale does go to the shop way back in episode one of season 2, hence why he know his name “Mr. Fell” so, I think he’d immediately got suspicious seeing that it wasn’t like how Nina normally make her coffee. But also, I feel Nina was already suspicious with Metatron so i think Metatron would’ve played more smarter if trying to not be a walking red flag than he already is. So I think the almond syrup is just convenient and is to make the coffee sweater for Aziraphale especially since he doesn’t even know what he drinks. Is this a stronger point for the theory, I’ll admit it, yes it does, however this point does have gaping holes. Especially since Aziraphale while he does have his moment where he made poor choices (cough cough Season 1 before the fire). But Aziraphale is more clever: he figured out the location of the Antichrist, figure out what "chose your face wisely" was indicating, find clues about Gabriel being in Edinburgh, and so much more. he not one to be fool THAT easily regardless of his final decision at the end of season 2.

2. Aziraphale’s mannerism after the coffee

So, many people pick up on his mannerism after said coffee. Some saying when he’s talking to Crowley during that scene he sounds not like himself. Giddy even about going back to the one place that not only tried to kill him but what negatively impacted him both emotionally and possibly mentally. Most mention the smile Aziraphale gives during the end credits scene. This does link up to the potential of Metatron spiking the coffee to mind control him either temporarily or even permanently as he going to be working as an Supreme Archangel after Gabriel got his happily ever after with Beelzebub. Which might’ve explain why he emphasis how Heaven is the good guys and say how Hell (while unintentionally calling Crowley) the bad guys despite that in 1941 episode they established they both the shades of grey as well as they stop armageddon. Why would Aziraphale still uphold this belief even after saving the world with Crowley? It seemingly does imply that this is out of character for him after all that have happen. So I’ll give it this credit.

However, I’m going to say this, this also fall flat. Why? Because Aziraphale main reason of being giddy, was because he is granted something that he see might fixed heaven’s broke system. While yes, in the beginning he was derailing the conversation by saying “well what about everything here?”, but at the same token, Aziraphale still look at the positive, because one thing about him is that he is an optimistic person to a fault. He can be skeptical or have doubts but he still will focus on the good vs everything that is negative. Not only this, but got the green lit that he can appoint Crowley there. So that both of them combine will fix Heaven from the broken system that was built since The Beginning Of Time.

But like Crowley said “it would be just as dead as if hell ended things on earth”, aziraphale in this situation is not looking at things in an overall bigger picture. He not understanding that Heaven is just as toxic as Hell is. I mean minus the fact they almost died execution style because they wanted the save earth, they fear mongers a lot with Aziraphale. I mean not to bring up Job episode as I felt we’ve all talk about everything in great details, but he did have a breakdown where he let a part of his mask fall as he was scared he will fall just for not “letting Crowley kill the kids”. Also who know if they always mention the book of life. So I don’t doubt Aziraphale saw this one positive opportunity and take it and not understanding fully what is happening. That’s why during that very scene his mask is slipping and even more so after the kiss. He barely had time to even process what is happening (hence why Rob Wilkin describe Aziraphale’s face express as “do it again” and “I am trying to understand what is happening”) because even when metatron goes to collect him; he still is trying to detail by asking about the bookshop and everything. Metatron already have everything figured out, he appointed Muriel, he already place his chess piece and won. Aziraphale realize he made a mistake as he look out at the window he even tries to say so, but can’t.

And then when the second coming is revealed, he takes a look back at Crowley. Mostly to get one last look as Aziraphale knows he won’t come back. Now he has to figure out how to stop this back in Heaven. See, the thing about this is, i do see how people can see the shift; but i see this as a sense that while this is a trap and a threat simultaneously; this was still Aziraphale’s choice to go back to heaven as he want to fix things vs trying to run away with Crowley. (Which I know I said I am proud of Crowley for sticking his ground. I still am. Go speeding demon! However I can’t say Aziraphale’s an asshole for wanting to fix things vs running away. I might go in depth with this). So in a sense, he’s not choosing heaven over Crowley but rather choosing to protect the thing he love and Crowley over his own heart, and especially now he know about this, he now has to figure out how to stop everything from ending on earth. Just on his own.

3. Metatron’s shift from season 1 to 2

Last time we’ve seen Metatron was in episode 4 of season 1. Funny how both metatron only appear once in both seasons. So, I’m not sure if people talked about this; maybe they did, but imma talk about this as this does contribute to both of the evidence. So when we first met him, Aziraphale want to talk things out and see if he can stop it by talking to God, however, Metatron is on board with this project. He want things to end just as much as the other archangel; and want Aziraphale to come back immediately. Here, while he not overtly crass of aggressive, he is very different to his delivery and want him back. And Aziraphale was able to detail him and try to set thing with with Crowley to avoid going back. Sure Azirpahale did accidentally discorporate himself in the process however; he still would rather go back then be apart of the war. Even going as far as possess something, which I’m sorry, that still get me to this day.

And now, Season two, we see Metatron again. And this time, he came baring gifts, aka coffee. Not only that, this time, he have a more gentler approach to Aziraphale. To which Aziraphale saw no qualm. And you know this is relatable as I can be just as naive; not to mention he almost died in 1941 by his nativity. So you know it tracks. But here, we see he not asking to come back into war but to be promoted to Supreme Archangel as a direct parallel to when Beelzebub want to promote Crowley to Duke of Hell. Sure Aziraphale like mention before had qualms with this but Metatron was able to pull some strings. Even going as far as telling Aziraphale he can bring Crowley. And even after everything, he was still while in a hurry was patient with him. Metatron’s display of gentle kindness was what made Aziraphale more likely to accept vs how his tone was back in season 1. I mean he still have it as he gave Crowley the dirtiest look with Crowley’s honestly don’t care after everything and just want to have a nice restaurant date with his partner and finally be able to love each other.

Now, I can say, this one does make sense along with the Almond Syrup as it is interesting with his shift. But but but but but, it fall flat on the technicality that, he still won. He was able to get Aziraphale because Aziraphale himself can’t get out of this even if he tries; sure it was his own choice but he can’t take it back. As mention in the syrup segment, he mention his and Crowley’s relationship, even with his gentle demeanor he was still threatening him to come back. And again, he look at Crowley with the dirtiest look possible, he knew what he was doing when giving him that look. And he was able to get him to the elevator, because he know Aziraphale wouldn’t go by himself especially after the kiss. He was there by his side, for a reason, to make sure he doesn’t run away again. Checkmate if you will for now.

But can it still work?

Okay so even though I gave this the benefit of the doubt and their credit because I do see where people are coming from. No. I don’t think it can still work.

Because as stated, some of the evidence fall flat and have holes. Also, it doesn’t fit Gaiman (and Terry Prackett)’s vision of Good Omens. Sure even though there’s Religious Symbolism with Almonds so that might’ve given the theory more justification and support; however, in terms of writing, this doesn’t nothing. If anything it damage character growth of Aziraphale; now I’ll admit I did give it some hope since I wanted to believe that Aziraphale wasn’t leaving Crowley on his own terms, but after some time and retrospect and during the break; I’m realizing, it truly wouldn’t matter if the coffee was tampered with. Because he still choice this path. He still made that executive decision to leave everything to protect everything he love; even if it mean he won’t be able to see the things he love again. Or in a funny case will have to see Sound of Music-

But also, I feel there a more nuance in depth reason as to why He wanted Aziraphale specifically. Because for all we know, he could’ve very well appointed Michael, Uriel, or any of the other Archangel we’ve seen. So I don’t think he would try to tamper with the coffee to get Aziraphale, there have to be a specific reason why him. I mean why appoint someone that love earth and would most likely refused for the end of the world to happen again. It make no sense at all.

Another thing, the coffee could’ve just been a gift to break down Aziraphale’s guard, I mean most people like gifts and it bring them happiness so him getting Aziraphale’s coffee could be a tactic to show no animosity between them. Even though again, he hesitantly toke the coffee and honestly, I headcanon that he doesn’t like coffee at all. He still toke it and was able to have a peaceful-ish conversation regarding the promotion. Before we jump to one of the most devastating conversation of all time.

So personally, now. I’m no longer neutral, I really don’t like the coffee theory as a whole. I can see the evidence, but that doesn’t matter. But, if you do believe in the theory, tell me all about it, if you agree or disagree with me also tell me about it. Hope you guys like my insane ramble la of this show. Because my gosh, this hyperfixation will be the death of me. But tell me what you guys thing and sure, tell me what other theories you dislike. Now, imma go haunt somewhere else. Have a boo-tastic day.

#good omens #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #good omens 2 #good omens theory #the coffee theory #give me season 3 or give me death #good omens discussion #good omens analysis #good omens nina #good omens fandom #i love this show so much I’m promise I’m normal about it #this is how i cope #please renew season 3 #give them happiness they need it

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