#I’m lossing sleep
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Future Leo angst anybody……hehe
🦝💙🦝💙🦝💙🦝💙🦝💙🦝💙🦝💙🦝💙
Just a sketch I did after I woken up might do donnie next or continue to work on this
side note: while sketching I may have come down with fever
#digital art#rise of the tmnt#tmnt 2018#bad future rottmnt#rottmnt#future leo#rise leonardo#injury#womp womp#I wonder where is arm is now#future#bad timeline#peepaw leo#old man#I’m lossing sleep#arm gone#arm loss#sketch#shitty sketch
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In a sudden turn of events I am going to be okay!!!
#I’ve officially dropped AP art#You know what that means? :D#I get to sleep!#And hang out with my friends!#And go for runs!#And spend more time studying Physics and Chem!#I am quite literally bawling my eyes out right now#I have not slept or eaten in like#two months#My emotions are going wild right now#Huge sense of grief or maybe loss but also#Just… so much relief#I finally get to take care of myself#And do the things I enjoy#And focus on the important things#My life has been RAPIDLY spiralling downwards since school started#But now it’s going to get a lot better#And I’ll be happy again#I’m going to be okay chat#I’m gonna be okay
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#please pray#I’m having a miscarriage and the physical passing has started#and I’m in serious pain that’s disrupting my sleep#and the blood loss is bordering on worrisome
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Gemma. It’s midnight:thirty.
If you want people to love your work, you have to SHARE IT. You ninny!
Stop. Stop using other people’s yardsticks to measure your value, they are disproportionate and not to scale for your life and experience.
You are successful. And smart, and talented. Bonk them gremlins.
And go. The. Fuck. To. Sleep.
I need to go watch this film again…Monsters Inc is so good.
#gemma rambles#y’all I had a pumpkin spiced mocha at 6 something and finished it at 9#I made a mistake#but I have to be on the road at 7:30 tomorrow#I’m not jealous of my friends’ success; I’m immensely proud of them#I am envious of it though#it’s a little stupid tbh#btw the difference between jealousy (fear of loss) v envy (want of something) is ingrained in my head#that’s a different post though#I want a bit of the success they have#not their success specifically#….this feels absolutely batshit to explain#I spent too long adding gifs#I wanted Sully signing go to sleep because it’s so real
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the fact that doctors can just Recommend Weight Loss with no instructions beyond ‘eat healthier/less’ is actually insane to me, i lost weight on purpose ONCE and it took me like 6 years to recover a semi-normal relationship with food and hunger
#uhh#disordered eating cw#just in case#mumbling#like jfc i know i’m not the first to say it and my experience is relatively SO tame#but it STILL fucked with my head for YEARS#and most people don’t go nearly that long between weight loss attempts at all for basically their whole lives!!!!!#and we’re so blasé about it like yeah just eat less to lose weight#and so few people talk about the really weird shit that phase of my life taught me even though they seem like pretty universal things#like when you lose weight deliberately by denying yourself food you get COLD#you get cold and you get in your head and you get sad it’s like being less alive#the times i’ve lost weight/recomped on accident (by doing smth that makes me move more‚ getting better sleep etc)#it’s been WARM#burn hotter move freer feel happier#and also the way hunger feels when you’ve been denying yourself food for an extended time is NOT the same as baseline hunger#it’s actually kind of wild that we use the same word to describe both feelings like that shit is NOT the same#that shit is not ‘being really hungry’ it’s a fuckin. blood curse or some shit you feel straight up unhinged#and i should disclaim here i am not talking large amounts of weight#i’ve fluctuated over i think a 20lb range max since reaching close to my adult height and that’s a guesstimate#but even in my relatively unremarkable little experiences here the way deliberate weight loss fucked with my brain is absurd to me#i’m fine now have been for years but seriously thinking back on it the fact that this is routine medical advice. unreal
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If I stop posting, it means I’ve bled out from the paper cut that won’t stop bleeding. Maybe I nicked an artery. Wouldn’t that be exciting?
#if I’m dead please find me sooner rather than later#don’t let the squirrels eat my eyes#I’m giving them to stevie wonder#yeah I’m delusional from lack of sleep#or maybe blood loss
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*a deep and heavy sigh* yeah we’re yearning in the club tonight boys
#I want to be vulnerable and open and willing but I’m scared#I’m so scared#a lot of the time what I want feels so out of reach it’s laughable#what do you mean the fear of loss is keeping me from love#how is that fair#all I want is what seems to come so naturally to other people#love without fear#is that even possible?#I want to shed my skin and merge my soul with someone someday but am I even meant for that kind of devotion#I’m not sure if I was even made to be loved or to love and yet I feel so much of it#mini rant warning#starryeyes#I need to sleep
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sometimes when i’m letting my dog outside at night, i step into the yard with her and close the door behind me and scream as loud as i can. on a completely unrelated note, i’ve never had a good outlet for frustration and i suppress it so hard that it seeps into my dreams
#my dog has hearing loss so it doesn’t bother her. but i don’t do it right next to her anyway#as for the dream thing people who have lived with me say i frequently yell and scream in my sleep <3#i never yell or scream at people irl it all comes out in my sleep#i remember some of those dreams#usually i’m frustrated by someone’s shitty behavior and they’re making no effort to change it#or i’m trying to say something important and not being listened to or taken seriously#WHICH COULD MEAN NOTHING#kat is typing
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If I were to do little sketches of III and IV, what pictures would you like to see? And what lyrics?
#sleep token#vessel#ii#sleep token iii#sleep token iv#i’m at a loss#i need help deciding#thank you#have a good day#I’m running off of three and a half hours of sleep
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It’s getting stressful out over here (I live in the states) but this stress and anxiety is my fuel to write wayyyyy too much for you guys!! :D (and my own in some cases-)
I’ll be writing a whole lot more so possibly more frequent writing posts!
#Duck update#I might not be old enough to vote#But I know what’s going on and it’s sad#Butttt to cope with this loss I’ll be destroying my sleep to write#Because why the heck not!!!#But it’s just depressing to see everything that’s going to happen#But what better way to get past all of this than to write!!#ill probably be writing a lot-#it just what I do when I’m stressed hahahaa#love you guys ❤️
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When life hands you juicy fanfiction you stay up till 4:00am to read it
Sorry I don’t make the rules
#I’m so so so so so tired and wanna go back to sleep#but it was some good fucking fanfiction so it wasn’t a total loss#saturn emits rays#the band ghost#namelessghouls#papa emeritus iv#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x reader#helluva boss#helluva boss x reader
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No isatober today :< I am tired….Isabeau and Mirabelle tmmr (to make up for yesterday and today)
#kit is not dead#in stars and time#isat#kits isatober struggle#isatober#isatober2024#isatober coming. soon?#I dunno yet#I’m definitely gonna finish yesterday tmmr#not sure about today tho#either way I’ll still finish things on Friday#I have more time then :3#alr I’m going to sleep#im thinking too much about this and what au Loss is in#like. I’m struggling between changeling Odile looping#or beauty alliance looping?#i dunno#anyways i’m going to bed
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it’s 3am and i’ve spent the past few hours drawing a bunch of doodles of me and anton hanging out together like we’re the bestest of friends because it’s my art and i can draw whatever i want forever
#i’ll post the drawings this weekend probably#anton oc#wyrms says stuff#wyrms lore#it’s 3am and i am not tired but i also have to get up early so#hey at least i don’t have any classes on fridays so that’s good#wow anton is so cool#wow#wow i love him so much more than anything really#platonically obviously we’re both very aroace#and i know if he was real we’d be best friends we’d do everything together#we’d go see that absolutely horrendous looking minecraft movie on opening night together#he’d talk to me about rats and science and snakes and i’d talk about undertale and tma and gravity falls#we’d have so much fun i’d teach him how to play video games and he would love it so much#and he’d show me all of his weird and wacky science experiments and he’d be so silly about it#and we’d go on walks in his forest and he’d show me all the animals#and we’d comfort eachother when we’re sad and it would be so cozy and safe#we would have eachother and understand eachother that’s all we will ever need#wow he’s just so real to me guys#like he feels so real#and i’m so genuinely sad that he’s not#he deserves to exist he deserves to be happy#the fact he doesn’t exist feels like i lost someone extremely close to me and will never get them back#it’s like i’m grieving the loss of someone who never existed and it hurts#he deserves to exist :(#ouughhh#this is devastating#it hurts#i should go to sleep#:(
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So I got a phone call from my mom this afternoon letting me know that my family’s dog, Takaya, is being put to sleep tomorrow afternoon.
This has been a long time coming for sure; I found out her health was in decline from my dad a month ago when he came to visit, but I’d hoped she might be able to make it into the new year.
I did a facetime with my mom tonight to say goodbye to her face to face before she gets put down, and to put it lightly I feel pretty miserable. She’s been a part of our family for a long time; I think we estimated that she was about 15 years old. She’s been such a good dog and was always so energetic and I’m going to miss her deeply. It feels even worse that I can’t be there in person to say goodbye, as I’m in a city a twelve hour drive away.
So’untë & nenyusten’, Takaya. Misiyh for all the memories and happiness you brought to our life.
#cw pet loss#cw pet death#cw animal death#I’m. probably gonna be a bit more inactive even more now.#finals are already hard but now I’m just trying to figure out how I’m gonna find the energy to go to class at all.#edit: as of rn it's 5:15 the next day and she's been put to sleep about 45 minutes ago.#my parents were both there and said it was peaceful#i wish i could've been there too
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GENERATION LOSS THEORY TIMEEEEEEE (⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️SPOILERSSS!!!! Plus talking about gore n’ stuff! Stay safe!!)
VVVVVVV
So when the equivalent of crucifixion of gl!Ranboo happened and left all of us genlossers in a traumatized, heartbroken state, we don’t see what happens afterwards right?
Well.
My theory is that no matter what chat got to choose, Showfall would’ve just reprogrammed gl!Ranboo anyway. Think about it! We’ve seen other “characters” like Sneeg and Charlie get revived after supposedly dying in other scenes. They were just reprogrammed! I’m not sure how Showfall would somehow magically unmangle Ranboo’s face after dying in the black box but they brought back Charlie and Sneeg just fine (Charlie being ripped open and guts being torn out and Sneeg literally being crushed and eaten alive but you know).
So Showfall would reprogram Ranboo right? Then they can just use them again to rerun the show or other “episodes” of their show. This could be a reason why we (genlossers) could get more Generation Loss content from other tapes such as “The Social Experiments” (the first three streams of genloss). Maybe in these possible new versions (or dare I say, “generations”) of gl!Ranboo and friends don’t remember the previous generations of themselves due to reprogramming, but maybe as time goes on the newer generations are losing the controlled elements to them and that’s why they are able to break from the control of Showfall easier.
I might edit this if I think of anything else to add or change :)
And drink water! >:[
#ranboo#genloss ranboo#ranboolive#generation loss#genloss sneeg#genloss slimecicle#genloss#generation loss just about killed me#I’m still trying to cope after the crucifixion of RanbooLive#how do you expect me to sleep peacefully after the ending of the third generation loss stream dude#gl!sneegsnag#gl!ranboo#gl!charlie
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just got prescribed Prozac and I’m hella nervous about it omg did anyone have any side effects that weren’t expected???
#like I’m seeing weight loss and trouble with sleeping and maybe loss of libido (horrible)#but I was curious about real life experiences with using it#like shit that wouldn’t be listed#DOES THAT MAKE SENSE????#also don’t feel pressured to answer if it’s too personal!!!#I’m just scared bc I’ve never been medicated before#but I hope it helps me cause LORD KNOWS a bitch been struggling#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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