#I’m just. thinkin

[shmothman]

i feel like maybe this is obvious in my fics but i can’t stop thinking about it and i wanna talk about it anyway so im just gonna spew some thoughts re: the way i characterize vash…

like ok… obviously when im writing him im usually writing in the context of an established relationship, which is sort of skipping over all the emotional stuff he’d have to go through in order to even Be in any sort of relationship. im writing him happy, which is… something we just plain don’t see much in canon. whether im setting it somewhere nebulously in canon or post canon (which, tbh, i leave it vague but im usually picturing post canon, because i honestly don’t see him as able to be in any sort of relationship amidst everything that happens in canon—having feelings for someone, yes, but acting on them, not so much) im attempting to show a side of him that is… capable of accepting love. i mean, take this all with the grain of salt that im primarily working off of 98 canon, and im not very far into the manga so everything i know is basically spoilers, but this is a character who is Defined by loss. in his eyes, the best thing he can do for someone he loves is to leave them—at least they’ll be in less danger without him around. because the few people he loves that he doesn’t leave (returning to the ship throughout his life) end up murdered in front of his eyes. so in my fics, im trying to look at what it would take for him to give in to having an emotional or physical relationship. the answer i keep coming to is a) he’s not going to be the one to say it first, ever; and b) he’s going to feel a tremendous guilt for it. so… my Established Relationship fics time-skip over a LOT of emotional shit, and even then, they’re usually set on a Good day. A day when the guilt is just a dull ache at the back of his head, rather than a clawing thing at his heart. Days when he’s happier. Days when he can be goofy and loving and not have it be an act—because i do see a lot of people who say that writing him genuinely goofy is misunderstanding his character, and while that’s as valid an interpretation of his character as any, it’s not my interpretation.

As an aside on Vash’s goofiness: again I reiterate that we don’t really see vash happy in canon. maybe at the very end, when it’s all over, and in moments where he sees the best in humanity, but it’s not often. So when we see him goofy and smiling, yes, it’s mostly an act. He’s hurting so much, all the time, but he’s smiling and playing with the kids (and teaching them about love and peace) because he still wants to see the best in humanity, wants these kids to grow up and fight for what’s right, wants to be like Rem. But, as that one post said: we are the mask and the wearer. The person he is trying to be, the goofy mask he puts on, is still him, as much as the serious, sometimes broody way he tends to see himself (in his dream, when Rem says he’s so serious, that’s the way he feels about himself) is. So in a context where he’s able to heal, even a little bit, where he’s allowed to be happy, I think he’s still goofy! Maybe not quite as often, and maybe not quite in the same way, and there would certainly be a lot more moments where his smile is gentler, his demeanor more restrained… but that part of him is still there. He sees it as an act, but like… the way people see you is still a way that you are, if that makes any sense (projection alert!). His identity is complicated.

Idk idk idk i just can’t stop thinking about Who He Is and the amount of his personality that’s just… his reactions to suffering that’s basically beyond human comprehension. Who he might be able to be when it’s all over. Its not like i think that he’d be able to just… move past all of it. for the rest of his life he’s going to be carrying this burden of pain, of losing basically everyone he’s ever loved. he’s always going to be bracing for the worst—i don’t think that sort of thing will ever leave him. somewhere in his mind, he’ll always assume something awful is going to happen. but there will be good days. days when he’s looking forward to the future—though he’ll always be treasuring every moment of the present, never taking the love and happiness he feels for granted, both because he’s felt the alternative and because a part of him assumes it’ll end before he’s ready for it to. But that’s also why I refuse to let him remain immortal. I’ve never touched on it in any of my fics but for me, his happy ending involves growing old. im taking the trimax idea of him having used up all his power and extending that to mean he’s no longer going to stay young forever. he gets to live the rest of his life knowing he’s not going to outlive everyone he loves, because i think that would give him some peace. he has to live with so much loss, im not giving him any more of it. (is this self indulgent? absolutely. but every single thing ive ever written is pure self indulgence lol.)

As for the nsfw stuff… i mean let’s be real it’s mostly a matter of taste 🤣 yes i take his flirtation in 98 as a sort of like… way for him to feel some semblance of connection without there being any risk—only hitting on people he is sure won’t reciprocate so he can feel like it’s out of his hands,, but i also see him as just being absolutely goddamn touchstarved. His self-imposed isolation means that finally accepting physical affection would overload him—but he’s wanted it for so long that he’s okay with that. Especially in the context of someone he loves, and has loved for a long time while feeling absolutely guilty about it and not letting himself act on it. And yeah I do see there being a psychological component to him being so willing to give up control to his partner: finally, someone who he can trust entirely and let go with, a time where he can finally be brought to a place where the worry fades—too overwhelmed by physical sensation to fear and grieve, even for just a moment. (Not to say he doesn’t have times where sex is something fueled by fear and grief: he doesn’t want to lose you, he needs to hold you close, to prove to himself that you’re here, but, again, I’ve mostly been writing the Good Days.) he’s so used to intense bad feelings. i just want to give him intense good feelings.

Idk. There’s not a point to me writing this. I’m just stream-of-consciousness-ing. I just love him so much. I need to write him happy.

[urmumhaha]

I wish butch n femme balls existed. Not to b a fucking sap n a massive dyke but wow. Ugh even. Just wanna wear a gown n stilettos n have my honey greet me w a bouquet before we leave n we wear matching or complimentary jewelry n spend hours on my hair and makeup to impress. N then when we get there my honey will spin me around the room for a brief dance before grabbing something to drink, wine for me n whiskey for her, as we chat w other dykes n celebrate butchfemmeness. Or whatever

[elliesgaymachete]

do you think they first met when agatha was supposed to be executed? that rio came to collect the dead and found her, sent to die by her own mother, weeping and terrified, because she lost control of her powers. but because rio is death, maybe she was the first person who wasn’t afraid of her

[lylahammar]

Weight loss is a completely morally neutral personal choice that anyone can make for any reason, but if you choose to lose weight because you hate your fat body, please do the internal work to get over that internalized fatphobia before or during your weight loss efforts. I’ve seen far too many fat people become skinny and immediately turn their internalized fatphobia outwards, and it’s a bad time for everyone. If you have to keep the weight off through a strictly maintained diet and exercise, it’s pretty much inevitable that you will gain some weight back at some point in your life (likely more than you had in the first place if yo-yo dieting is in play), and you will find that all the hatred you projected at the fat community will come back to bite you in the ass with twice the power. Work on loving your fat self while you’re there, and if you choose to lose weight then work on continuing to love your old fat self. Life will feel much better for yourself and the fat people around you that way.

[edsbacktattoo]

watching ofmd on streaming and being able to go straight from season 1 to season 2 is so odd to me because the distance between the two doesn’t feel grand enough. like don’t they know what we went through? the months and months of silence. tearing apart bts images for a single pixel of new info. the near-daily clownery. “trailer today? 🤡” like hasn’t anyone told them about the fucking shareholders meeting we sat through? what do you mean i can seamlessly transition from 1x10 to 2x01?? blood sweat and tears went into that break put some respect on her name

[rystiel]

do y’all think logan and wade will eventually meet thor and wade will absolutely fangirl over him. and logan would remember him mumbling about thor in his sleep while they were tied up in the void. and while wade fangirls it becomes clear that The Wolverine isn’t the only hero he’s excited to finally know. do u think logan would get a bit standoffish with thor and wade would hit him with the “if i didn’t know any better i’d think you were jealous, peanut ;)”

[myauntspen]

When Aziraphale touched Crowley’s chest in the pub…

What if Crowley suddenly froze time around them, grabbed Aziraphale’s wrist, slid the angel’s hand up over Crowley’s heart, placed his own hand over Aziraphale’s to hold it there for a moment, then slowly guided the angel’s hand to his lips and placed a kiss on his palm, all while making such intense eye contact that Aziraphale could practically feel it even through the dark glasses, before silently returning Aziraphale’s hand to where he started, letting go, and restarting time?

That woulda been neat.

[thechosenthree]

[ghost-proofbaby]

thinking about getting hot chocolate and going to look at christmas lights with eddie.

it all would definitely start because you guys have run out of the hot cocoa supplies at home, and eddie will find any excuse to go and get some from your favorite local coffee shop. it just tastes better from there, he always claims (and he says the same thing about you making it for him at home). thinking about the way you both end up with whipped cream mustaches, sweetened upper lips with tongues covered in chocolate as you get back in his van, all bundled up and clinging to your warm cups for a sliver of reprieve from the cold december outside. you’d assume you’re just going to return home, until eddie starts to take a detour in the drive and oh no how did we end up in this fancy neighborhood where everyone has extravagant decorations? oh well!

he knew exactly what he was doing, though. he just wanted to watch you watch the lights. the way your eyes get all wild, the way your grin is so youthful and just brimming with whimsical excitement. the way you get so extraordinarily excited over something that should be mundane after living through 20+ christmases. all these houses do this every year — the two of you make the same detour every single year. it shouldn’t all be so new to you; and yet you always react like it is, drinking it in like it’s the first time you’ve tasted milk chocolate frothing with melted whipped cream and it’s the first time you’ve ever seen shining lights that resemble icicles dripping from rooftops. and the entire time, he’s looking at you like it’s the first time. the first time he’s laid eyes on you, the first time he’s wanted to kiss your lips so badly his own start to ache, the first time he’s ever seen the color green reflected in someone’s iris just right.

every time he takes you, it’s like he’s getting to fall in love with you all over again. he loves it — he loves you.

the only difference as the years go by is the way you look at him, each year with more fondness he didn’t think was possible. for every excited gasp you let out at reindeers made of crystal lights and blow up santas swaying in the unforgiving wind, you’re looking at him with double the warmth, double the love, double the awe.

he hits nearly every mailbox. several cars are nearly victim to a terrible scraping from his van. he swerves all over neighborhood roads just to keep his eyes on you.

“why are you looking at me like that, munson?”

it feels like the first time you’ve ever said his name, too.

“just enjoying the sights,” he’d whisper, smiling so gently and subtly, taking his foot off the gas and letting the van crawl a lil bit slower so you can gaze at the next house a lil longer.

and when you twist up your face, his heart clenches in time with the twitch of your nose.

“the sights? you’re not even looking out your window at the lights-“

and unlike the first time he took you around to see the lights, to begin this new sacred tradition, he kisses you. leans right over his center console, takes your face in his heated palms, and presses his lips to yours till he can’t tell if the caramel drizzle he’s tasting is from your hot cocoa or his. let’s the icy tip of your nose smash against his. let’s your scarf unravel from around your neck as he brings you in closer.

you might always love the christmas likes like they’re something brand new, a sight to behold, a magic to be held, but he’ll always love you like that. and then some.

[pacifistcowboy]

yo omega would still be around in silver’s time as well as shadow, right?

and i assume shadow n omega would still stick together ‘cus they’re a team, so like would silver see omega as like an uncle? or dad 2? or just omega??

would omega even try to help raise silver or would he just be like “the tiny white hedgehog has psychokinesis and has been surviving on his own, he does not need our help. also i don’t want to help.”

[raphmybeloved]

I have trouble putting into words how much I love the little parallels between Raph and Shredder in the rise movie. I mean every iteration likes a good comparing raph to shredder moment (and don’t get me wrong I like it) but the way rise does it with the krang…

Saki made a deal with a krang to keep his family safe, Raph stays behind so Leo can escape but both deals end up with the people they want to keep safe being hurt..

Not to mention the visual parallels…

I dunno I just like that what ties the shredder and raph together isn’t anger it’s love and fear

[sunflowerrex]

Eli Vanto x Arctic monkeys is my fav thing atm

(Ignore the lazy coloring and shading I’m getting back into it okay)

[nonmahogany]

really sick of all asexual (not aroace) content being tagged as aromantic as well by default

they’re not the same pls i beg

[edsbacktattoo]

season 2 Ed pining is going to be soooo fucking intense. like he clocks in for his 9 to 5 every morning, which is being the Dread Pyrate Blackbeard, and then he goes back to the revenge and makes Ye Olde Pinterest boards of his dream wedding and cottages he’d like to retire in and they’re all called some shit like “Just A Dream 💔🗡️🕷️🥀” and then he marks another day without Stede on his tally calendar. he’s the most real character ever put on television.

[somorrow]

Honestly I feel like when Itachi flirts he does so well verbally but his face is so blank it doesn’t land the way he intends. He’s actually smooth as fuck, but his monotone voice and serious face is enough to take away from what he’s saying. I can definitely see Shisui giving him pointers, probably even lecturing him for being too stiff 😂

[l1ve-l4ugh-lov3craft]

i should receive financial compensation for the fact that I have to go to work tomorrow