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crushmeeren · 1 year ago

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Aziraphale/Male Reader

Warnings; The work below contains angst, smut and fluff. Top! Aziraphale, Bottom! Reader, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, kissing, Cursing, Crowley being a good friend and I couldn’t resist letting reader get cream pied at the end.

Note; To my lovely anon requestor for this one shot, I hope you enjoy! I loved writing this, I’ve never written any angst before so hopefully it translates well. I also amused myself while writing this so there’s that.

AO3 Link; Millenia😈

Word Count; 8.7k

You’ve come to the conclusion, that this entire mess with Aziraphale, really only started when Crowley came up with the idea for a fucking suggestion box. Of course, you didn’t know the demons name back then, only by the color of his hair.

You noticed the white haired Angel and the red head when you were flying by, on your way to some stupid meeting or another. As you passed, your ears strained, and you could only catch a snippet of their conversation. The words you did catch, were intriguing to say the least. Hearing the words “suggestion box” and “Almighty” in the same couple sentences had been all it took to make you stop in your tracks and shoot towards them. It peaked your interest. You thought about how useful a thing like that could be. You thought to yourself that it wouldn’t do any harm to have something like that. You had been wrong.

As you came to a stop you braced your wings, tensing the muscles in your back. They kept you afloat, suspended in air next to the other two. Your appearance startled them and they looked at you, eyes wide, speechless. Their wings twitched in surprise. As you took a second to take in the other Angels, you felt a spark of recognition looking at the one with white hair. You realized it was Aziraphale, an Angel you had come to know recently. Not closely, but you were acquainted at that point.

“Either of you want to tell me about this “suggestion box” idea?” Flapping your wings gently, you looked between them. A swift movement of your neck and you had noticed the expression on Aziraphales face made him look as pale as a ghost, as if he had been terrified they were already getting caught. You’re a bit higher up on the food chain, a dominion, so truthfully, you could understand the hesitation. Although you weren’t there to criticize or punish, genuinely curious about their discussion.

You felt the warm swooshing of stars shooting behind the three of you. They had filled up the galaxy with their beautiful bright light. It made your spine tingle pleasantly as you waited in an awkward silence for an answer. You pursed your lips and raised an eyebrow, looking to the red head instead, who wore a grin. He looked overly proud of his idea. It was Crowley who had broken the tension, mouth pulled into a wide smile.

“Right, so I was just speaking to Aziraphale here about a suggestion box. It’s more or less a place where we can write down our ideas to the Almighty and then she can look them over. Of course she’d decide whether they were worthless or not but I think it’s the thought that counts,” he said brightly, fidgeting in place. He looked like he was brimming with too much energy. Not an ounce of awkwardness or unease radiated from him anymore.

Aziraphale, on the other hand, his pretty face had still looked stricken at your presence. Mouth turned downwards, eyebrows pulled together. You had felt a strange sensation in your chest when you looked at his face, it was a bit of an aching feeling. It had felt very unpleasant. Extremely unsettling. You gave Aziraphale a soothing smile in an attempt to make him feel better. You hadn’t been sure then, why you cared so much about how the Angel felt.

“Look, don’t worry about this, I’m not here to get anyone trouble. I was truly curious about this and I’d have to say I think it’s a good idea,” you said, trying your best to convey you meant no harm.

“That’s exactly what I said!” Crowley exclaimed, sounding satisfied someone else had agreed with him.

“The Almighty does not take suggestions! Furthermore, who are we to question the Almightys plan?” Aziraphale said, tone desperate. He looked around frantically, to see if anyone else had been near by listening, anxiety twisted coldly in his belly. Icy tendrils had started to crawl through his veins. You had noticed however, that despite his tone of voice, his demeanor had seemed to calm down, if only a little bit, from the reassuring words you had used.

You reached out a hand and placed it on his shoulder. He had felt warm beneath your palm. It had ignited something in you, something sharp, something warm. It startled you even more than you had been when you caught yourself caring about the Angels feelings. It was when he turned those pretty blue eyes on you, that you felt the breath punched out of your chest. You paused for a moment, feeling urgently that you should have been more concerned about it. You shook it off for the moment anyways.

“Aziraphale, this isn’t a bad idea. It couldn’t hurt to ask a few questions, could it?” you said, taking your hand off his shoulder. His cheeks had been dusted with a barely their pink color from the contact from your hand. You had ignored that too.

“Exactly! It can’t do much harm,” Crowley piped up, making eye contact with you.

“Of course it can! What are the two of you thinking? A word of advice if I may? Be extremely careful saying things like this, you never know who’s listening.” Face contorted into an uneasy expression. Crowley, at that moment, had raised a wing to shield the three of you from an oncoming meteor shower. You and Crowley had shared a look, mentally agreeing to continue this conversation later.

You had glanced at Aziraphales side profile, admiring his sweet features until you had felt that uncomfortable sensation again. The one that had felt overly warm, making your wings itch as you scrunched your eyebrows in contemplation. You decided, at the time, it was probably nothing to worry about. The three of you had watched on in silence, admiring the meteors and taking a moment to appreciate the work Crowley had done on his little corner of the universe.

—————————————————————-

As it turns out, those feelings were absolutely, without a doubt, something to be concerned about. As you come back to your reality, you mull over the decisions that hell has plagued you with making recently. Your chin rests in the palm of your hand, the bone of your chin digging into your skin. Sitting in an uncomfortably hard throne chair in the pits of hell, you look at all the nasty demons under your command. They’re all idiots really, but you suppose they get the job done. Your eyes are sharp as you think about how they really need to change the color pallet down here. Everything’s in muted and dull colors of gray and green, making it look disease ridden.

“Bit depressing down here lately, don’t you think?” The voice comes from your right and you lazily turn your head to the side, letting your hand fall to your lap. You look at the source of said voice where it sits next to you, in his own hard as fuck throne chair. You raise your eyebrow at him.

“What the hell are you on about? It’s always been depressing down here Crowley,” you say, laughing humorlessly. The red headed demon lets out a snort, a breath of air that he pushes hastily out of his nose.

“Yes I suppose you’re right. Although now that you’re in charge, can’t you liven up the mood a little bit?” he jokes, grinning cheekily at you.

“Not a chance in hell! You know this is all your fault right? We’re only down here because of you,” you tease, trying to bite back a smile. Crowley lets out a groan of frustration and tilts his head backwards, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

“Oh c’mon! That was almost 6,000 years ago! You’ve got to let that go at some point you cheeky bastard. Besides, you agreed with me that it was a good idea!” Animatedly waving his hands around, he looks at you with an irritated expression you know isn’t real. When his serpent eyes make contact with yours, you can’t hold back your laughter. Your head tilts backwards as your laughter rings out, startling some of the demons in the same area. You pay no attention to those idiots. You do know, that for as much shit as you give Crowley, you know you wouldn’t have survived hell without him.

You two had become quite close in the last 6,000 years, as close to being family members as demons like the two of you could be. Of course, you both still kept in touch with Aziraphale as well, but that’s just a different beast entirely in itself. Truthfully, the suggestion box had only planted the seed of rebellion in you. It grew over time, spiraling out of control as your feelings for Aziraphale grew. Those feelings, the love and consequently lust, are really what made you fall from heaven. As Crowley grumbles next to you, you’re pulled into another memory. One that never fails to make a lump form in your throat and the chilly fingers of anxiety wreak havoc, twisting your insides until they suffocate.

——————————————————————

“Aziraphale,” you breathe out, watching the Angel walking up to you. Your heart rate picks up speed, thumping painfully against your sternum. The two of you have been spending time together, more often than not, since that impromptu meeting where Crowley spoke about suggestion boxes. That was a few hundred years ago. The meet up you’re about to have with Aziraphale, you know is not going to go so well.

Your hands shake as he saunters up to you, face lighting up brightly, like a star. He always looked so excited to see you. The thought hurts your head and your heart squeezes painfully. You wave at him in greeting. You’ve known for a long time that you’ve loved him. It’s been at least a couple hundred years of knowing your heart beats solely for him.

As frowned upon as human feelings are, you couldn’t stop it. It’s like getting into a car wreck, you see the oncoming car rapidly approaching, but it’s too late. No matter how hard you try to pump the brakes. You also realized long ago that, from his head to his toes, Aziraphale is beautiful. A work of art. There’s a reason such enchanting paintings have been made about Angels.

“Hi lovely,” Aziraphale says, voice soft and tender. “You wanted to meet with me?” Smiling so preciously at you, like you hung the moon for him, you feared you would melt right there. Immediately you feel nauseous. You’re sure you’re going to be sick, stomach rolling painfully. You manage a weak smile, taking in his happy appearance. You hadn’t told him about how you felt yet. Initially you thought that would be your doom, but no, love wasn’t going to be the cause of your demise. It’s lust.

Lust was something you hadn’t experienced before. When those warm, tingly, aroused feelings and thoughts started seeping into your brain, you knew you were fucked, metaphorically. You yearned for something you’ve come to know as making love to the Angel. You wanted to watch his sweet expressions, feel the searing heat of his insides and let him take you apart and put you back together again.

That’s when you felt petrified. You felt it in your bones, that lust was the breaking point. Heaven could tolerate love, God is all about love, but once they knew about your lustful desires, the sins you were committing, it was over. It’s not as easy to hide when you’re higher up in the Angel hierarchy. Granted you weren’t scared for Aziraphale, if he even felt the same way. No, it’s only a real problem the higher up you are. Now, it was only a matter of time before you fell. Just like Crowley. Gods, you hope you could find the fucker once you get to Earth.

“Yes Angel, I- there’s something important I need to tell you,” you say, letting out a shaky exhale. You clasp your trembling fingers together so tightly your knuckles are white. Your face must be pale, it must convey the amount of fear and pain in your expression. You watch Aziraphales face crumple when his eyes flit back and forth, studying your face.

“Dear, what is it? What’s wrong?” he asks, beginning to pull at the edge of his sleeves, feeling anxious. You chew on your bottom lip, looking into his pretty blue eyes, your body flushes hotly. You groan internally, feeling stuck on the edge of a cliff as you feel the strong urge to tell him. He deserves to know before you fall. Who knows when you’ll see him again. That thought makes you sick all over again. You open your mouth to speak, feeling the words physically build in your throat as you tremble, feeling dizzy. Yet something else comes out entirely.

“I, Angel I just,” you groan outwardly, rubbing your face with your hands briefly. “I can’t do this anymore.” Your heart stops, breath caught in your chest. A chill runs down your spine. That is not what you wanted to say. It falls silent between the two of you and you start to feel an impending sense of doom, hair prickling at the back of your neck. You watch the Angels expression shift into one of hurt, one of heartbreak. Eyebrows scrunching, lower lip wobbling slightly as he takes in your words.

“What?” he asks. One word, so filled to the brim with hurt. Voice so soft you can barely hear it. It feels like someone has shoved a butcher knife through your chest, wiggling it in until only the handle sticks out. Guilt burns through you, fuck that’s not what you meant to say! You can’t even speak, mouth dry, icy fear pumping through your veins. You must have taken a beat too long to answer because you see the Angels eyes well up with tears, his eyes shining. You desperately take a step forward reaching your hand out for him but he backs away quickly. Shaking his head in rejection of your touch. The Angel turns and walks away hastily. You stand there with your hand outstretched, body numb as the rush is adrenaline fades away.

You bring a shaky hand up to your face and admire your fingers long after the Angel has gone. You should be moving, savoring the little time you have left in heaven. You hear them coming. You can’t lift your feet, it’s like you’re rooted in cement. The heartache on Aziraphales face, the feeling of your heart shredded into pieces and the unwavering guilt consuming you are the last things you felt in heaven. It’s the last thing you remember before you’re waking up with a gasping inhale, laying on the cold, unforgivably hard dirt of Earth. You gaze up at the stars, not moving, feeling empty and dark.

“It’s about time you got your lazy arse down here,” Crowley says, voice coming from somewhere beside you. You hear the sound of cicadas nearby. You don’t even startle at the sound of the demons voice, you laugh humorlessly. You don’t turn your head when you speak.

“I suppose you’re right,” you say, only able to feel the smallest amount of relief at his presence.

——————————————————————-

It’s not the first time you relive the memory and it won’t be the last. It always leaves you with a sour taste in your mouth,a nauseous sensation pinching at your belly sharply. You’re on Earth now, going to meet Aziraphale. He’s convinced you to come over and watch some heart warming movie with him. You shove your frozen fingers into the pockets of your fuzzy coat. Snuggling your face deeper down into the warm, soft scarf wrapped around your neck. You’re taking in all the signs around you as you walk down the streets of SoHo, towards the bookshop. Maggie waves at you from the record shop, you return it with a wiggle if your fingers, face never leaving your scarf. You notice you’re able to see your breath puffing out like a dragon.

Things after you fell were never the same. It took thousands of years for Aziraphale to look in your direction, let alone speak to you again. The two of you using Crowley as some sort of bloody messenger boy. Which he did not take to kindly, always grumbling about how you should just fix things and tell Azirapahle the truth. You didn’t. It was only in the last 50 years that things have gotten somewhat normal between you and the Angel. Your chest aches, dully throbbing as you think about how this entire time the Angel thought you didn’t love him. When in reality all you’ve ever longed for was to to be with him. He has long since carved his existence into your heart, making himself at home. You’ve only ever loved him, heart beating for him, existing for him. It’s been that way since the beginning, even if you were too much of an idiot to realize it back then and too much of a coward to tell him.

The bell to the bookshop jingles overhead as you push the door open. Warm air blasting you, warming your frozen limbs. You reach up and pull down your scarf, feeling the blood rush to your cheeks as you step inside, letting the door shut softly behind you.

“Angel! I’m here,” you call out, walking down the steps further into the building. You look around the shop, taking in its cozy atmosphere. Aziraphale pushes open the swinging door of the kitchen with his foot, walking out carrying two cups of what you assume is tea. He smiles adoringly at you. After all this time, the way he looks at you has never changed.

“Finally dear! I was worried the tea would get cold before you showed up. Were you busy with something?” he asks, voice sound happy and bright. You look at him lovingly, eyes soft, gentle smile pulling on your lips. You wave a hand dismissively before you take off your coat and scarf, placing them on the chair nearby you.

“Sorry Angel, Crowley needed my help with something. You now how helpless he is without me,” you tease, rolling your eyes playfully. You take the cup of tea from him gratefully, wrapping your tingly fingers around the soothing warmth of the mug, humming happily. Aziraphale laughs at your comment, holding his own cup.

“Yes yes, the old boy would never survive without your leadership,” he says sarcastically, playing along with you. You smile and run a hand up through your short hair, brushing the locks off your forehead. It makes you feel so warm and content that things are going well with you two. You look down at the light brown liquid, raising the cup and taking a sip. You feel the warmth snake down your throat and smolder in your belly.

“How have you been?” you say, smiling cheekily. Aziraphales cheek turn a pretty pink and he takes a sip of his own tea before he responds.

“I’ve been well love, been missing the two of you if I’m being honest.” Averting his eyes, Aziraphale clears his throat softly and sets down his mug. You melt into a fucking pile of mush at his words, heart thudding painfully. You take a step closer, wanting so badly to reach out and touch him, but you don’t. Instead you smile lovingly at him, waiting until he makes eye contact with you.

“We’ve missed you too Angel,” you say sweetly, letting your tone of voice convey how you feel. The Angel turns scarlet as he notices how close you’ve gotten, startling slightly when he realizes he can see your eyelashes. He takes a step back, feeling flustered and overwhelmed about the warm, tingly feelings you’re giving him and fidgets nervously. Once again pulling on the sleeves of his cardigan. You watch him, the feeling so bittersweet at his consistent nervous behavior. You set down your cup of tea on his desk, clapping your hands together once. It makes Aziraphale jump.

“Right! Well let’s get cozy and watch the movie you’ve been dying to show me,” you say, starting to take off towards the couch placed on the other side of the shop. It’s in a room hidden from the front, not for customers. Aziraphale bites back a smile behind your back, butterflies fluttering dangerously in his belly and he follows behind you quickly, cups of tea forgotten in their places.

The two of you end up on the Angels, surprisingly soft and fuzzy, large three seater couch. Somehow you’ve let Aziraphale manage to convince you to watch the live action version of Winnie

the Pooh. He thinks it’s heartwarming. Granted, it does make sense the Angel wants to watch it, seeing as he’s memorized all the books. You’re both fairly close, thighs almost touching. You each have your respective soft blankets covering your laps. You’ve toed off your shoes and tucked your feet up next to you, leaning against the back of the couch. Azirapahle also shoeless, sitting with his feet resting on the floor, ankles crossed.

Aziraphale laughs at something Eyore says and you don’t really pay attention to the movie, you’re too fascinated by the Angel next to you. You try to focus your eyes on the screen but it’s really hard when you feel the heat from Aziraphales arm seeping into your skin through your long sleeved shirt. Your hands twitch in your lap. You noticed the Angel is trying to talk to you when he pokes your shoulder harshly.

“Hmm?”, you question, without turning your head.

“I was asking if you wanted some popcorn dear. Where’s your head at? In the clouds?” he teases, giggling softly. You turn your head to the right to look at him and you startle realizing how close you are to his face. You don’t answer. You inhale, breathe getting stuck in your throat as your eyes quickly track back and forth, looking into his eyes. Immediately your body flushes, cheeks burning. You notice the intense look in Aziraphales eyes as he involuntarily glances down at your lips. He doesn’t say a word.

Your heart beats even faster when you catch his eye movement. The air between you two feels like something thick, like warm molasses. You shift your body gently on the couch, angling your body towards his more. Aziraphales cheeks turn almost a bloody red color, flush traveling down his neck. Time feels like it’s suspended. You lean just a centimeter closer and your lips are almost brushing.

You think about if the Angel will reject you or not, how it would feel like someone wrapped sharp talons around your heart and forcefully ripped it from you chest. It can’t be worse then the way you hurt him in the past. You think about how’s he probably terrified right now, confused as hell. Guilt throbs in your chest and you realize suddenly, with absolute clarity, you have to kiss him. You have to show him, tell him how much you love him. Even if he doesn’t return the feelings, he deserves to know and you will no longer be a spineless coward about it. You feel your pulse in your fingertips as you bring your hand up to brush your knuckles over his cheek, hand trailing softly down his face before resting on his shoulder.

“Can I kiss you?” you whisper, voice tender. You wait patiently for his answer. A few seconds pass as you watch the battle the Angel has internally. Your worried you’ve overstepped.

“Yes,” he breathes, voice equally as gentle. Then you’re pressing your lips to his. They feel silky, plump and they fit perfectly to yours when you tilt your head. You feel him push back eagerly, hands coming up to fist the front of your shirt. The heat between you both flares, blazing through your veins as your lips start to roll with his urgently, fingers gripping his shoulder tightly. You’ve just slipped your tongue out to lick at his bottom lip, swallowing one of his sweet moans and then he’s ripping himself away, pushing you backwards onto the sofa in the process. You land with a surprised oof sound coming out of your mouth.

“Wait- wait, love, oh heavens, I can’t do this. You’re only kissing me because I wanted you to. I’ve loved you for so long dear and my heart can’t take it if this isn’t real,” he says, panicking and breathing heavily, seeing his eyes well up with tears the way they did so many years ago. You sit up quickly, your eyes stinging as you watch his face. You’re determined to not let him go this time. You lurch forward and you’re wrapping your arms around his neck, hugging him tightly, sure that he can feel the rapid pace of your heart. You know you can feel his. It beats just as quickly. The warmth of his body bleeding through your shirt. Aziraphale stays where’s seated, shaking slightly and pierced to the spot. He doesn’t hug you back.

“No, no that’s not why I did it Angel. This is real, I swear.” You push back from the embrace and frame his face with your hands. You feel the soft, heated skin of his cheeks under your palms. You look into his eyes, your facial expression violently serious. You feel everything you’ve wanted to say for more than a millennia start rushing up your throat, words shoving at each other to be the first out of your mouth. You feel your cup runneth over and you’re spilling your heart out.

“Angel, Aziraphale, I’m so sorry for what I said so long ago. I was just so scared and I know thats not an excuse. I can only

hope to atone for some of my sins and hope you’ll forgive me. I love you, I have always loved you. Ever since the beginning, ever since we spoke to Crowley about that damned suggestion box,” you say, running a thumb over his cheekbone.

The Angel laughs a watery laugh. “I loved you when I fell, I loved you when I became a leader in hell, I loved you when we weren’t speaking and I love you now,” you say, voice getting choked up. Aziraphale stares at you, a couple tears slipping free and running down his cheeks, tickling your skin as he lets out a soft laugh. He’s never looked so happy. He brings his hands up to hold your wrists, fingers wrapping delicately around the bone.

“I love you too,” he whispers, pressing forward to connect your lips together again. It’s everything you’ve ever wanted. There’s no fireworks but instead a feeling of coming home, the sensation you get when you take the first sip of a warm drink after you’ve been outside in freezing weather. Your heart pulses with sweet love and your head feels fuzzy.

This time you’re moaning into his mouth, as your lips move together slickly, feeling his teeth nipping at your bottom lip. You let go of his face, hands dropping to his shoulders, you dig your nails in through the fabric of his shirt. He lets his hands fall to your waist, tugging slightly at the clothing there, indicating he wants you to come closer. You decide to take it a step further and break from the kiss, noticing his lips are deliciously swollen and red. Aziraphale lets out what sounds like a protesting noise. You laugh, pressing a hand to the middle of his chest so he leans against the back of the couch. You hastily grab both of your blankets off your laps and toss them to the side.

Raising up on your knees, you swing your left leg over both of his and move to straddle his hips. A thigh pressing onto either side of his as you sit down fully in his lap and the hard, hot length of his cock presses up against your arse. You are able to somewhat feel the length and the thickness of his dick. It gives you an idea of what you’re about to be stretched open with. You don’t really care about size, seeing as you have no experience, but you know he’s about to split you in half. You watch him bite his bottom lip and his eyes trail your body slowly. Your eyes widen when his hands reach out to hold your waist, you let out a soft gasp in response.

You grip his shoulders tightly once again and grind down into his lap, feeling your already half hard cock thicken as blood rushes south. When your cock presses against his, even through your jeans, it feels as if warm honey is dripping down your spine, collecting and pooling in your belly. You watch as Aziraphales mouth drops open, eyebrows scrunching. His eyes are watching you, lustfully when you press down even harder. His head tilts backwards against the cushion and he groans from the contact.

“Oh!, oh, oh dear, that feels so good, I positively need to have you. Please my love, you’re so pretty, I love you so much,” Aziraphale begs, gasping on an inhale as his head comes back up to see your face again, moaning lowly when you grind your cock against his again.

“Fuck, yes. More than yes, I want you to make love to me so terribly bad, please,” you cry out, feeling your dick twitching in your jeans and pressing against your zipper. You bite your lip and move back and forth slowly in his lap, savoring the feel of his cock. You lean in and brush your soft lips over his neck, trailing sweet kisses up to his jaw and then up to his ear before you whisper against it.

“I love you, please, take me now Angel. I need you,” you say, voice edging on a whine. His fingers tighten brutally around your hips, as he moans from somewhere deep in his chest. He stares at you when you lean back in his lap, his eyes half lidded.

“Will you get naked for me my love?”, he asks, voice low and husky, smooth like butter. You feel a shiver vibrate through you, nodding quickly you stand up off the couch. You waste no time shedding your clothes until you’re in your briefs only, dick straining against your underwear. Aziraphales eyes roam up and down your body slowly, biting his bottom lip as he does. You fidget in place under his gaze and watch as the Angel pulls his cardigan off by the sleeves, tossing it aside as he reaches for the edge of the soft tee he was wearing. He pulls it up and off his head. It quickly finds its place on the floor. Your mouth goes dry as you finally see Aziraphale without a shirt on. Gods, he’s so pretty and so pale, squishy in all the right places. You notice his nipples are a soft pink color. Your cock throbs again.

“Sit down for me love,” he commands softly, raising up from the couch so you can take his place. You waste no time and sit down on the couch, letting your legs fall open so he can fit in between. He steps between them and you almost sob with joy as the Angel falls to his knees between yours, sitting on his calves, the action so seductive you feel like you could cum in your underwear. You palm your cock through your briefs, quickly squeezing your shaft and sigh at the brief relief and pleasure that sings through you. You know your cheeks are red as you focus on the Angel. You watch his hands as they come up and hook into your waistband, tugging gently, asking permission. Nodding eagerly, you remove your hand from your dick.

You lift your hips off the couch and he tugs them down urgently, slipping them off your legs. Your thighs fall open again and he runs his soft hands up the sensitive skin of your legs, pressing his thumbs into the creases between your cock and your thighs. It makes you jolt, cock bobbing up and smacking against your lower belly. You cry out, fingers digging into the couch cushion fiercely.

“Aziraphlale!” you whine. “Don’t tease me, I’ve been waiting for way too long for this.” Aziraphales lips tug into a cheeky smile, soft laugh ghosting over the flushed skin of your dick as he leans closer, gripping your inner thighs and pressing them apart even further.

“Darling, I’ve been waiting to get a taste of you for just as long.” Tongue flicking out to lick long, wet stripes from your balls all the way to your tip. You don’t have words to describe the electric like feeling that shoots down your spine. Your whole body erupts into goosebumps as he wraps his sweet lips around the tip of your cock. He sucks gently and your back arches so hard you think it might break. Your nails start feel like they’ll rip through the fabric of the couch.

“Fuck, oh fuck, that’s so good Angel,” you whine, as the wet, silky warmth of his mouth slides up and down your cock. Aziraphale hums around your cock, spit dripping down your shaft, cooling on your balls. His moan sends vibrations through your groin and a wail gets stuck in your throat, coming out as whine. The Angel swirls his tongue around your tip, running his tongue over your slit and bobs his head steadily. His fingers let go over your thighs and he smoothes his hands upwards to grab hold of your hips.

You feel close to you losing your mind, fingers tangling through his white curls harshly, as he sucks the life out of you through your cock. You don’t press on his head, just letting your hands flow with his movement. You melt into the back of the couch as you sink into the sensation of having your cock sucked on for the first time. You keep your eyes open, tilting your head downwards to watch your cock disappear into his pretty mouth again and again. Your belly twists warmly at the sight, making you throb against his tongue. Aziraphale makes eye contact with you and you whimper. He pushes your cock past the back of his mouth and into his throat, keeping you there. He doesn’t even gag.

“Oh my god,” you sob, feeling wrecked as your arch into his throat, fingers tightening in his hair. He sucks harshly as he brings his mouth back up, pulling off your cock with a lewd popping sound. You slump back onto the couch, whining at the loss of his pretty mouth. You notice his lips are even redder as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. You definitely don’t make a pathetic sound at that either.

“I know love, I bet you feel so good, getting your pretty cock sucked like that, I’m desperate to keep going though, is that okay my dear?” he asks, voice almost a a purr.

“Yes, please,” you groan, letting go of the Angels hair. He smiles sweetly and takes the moment to snake his hands under your thighs, making you squeak as he yanks you forward until your arse is close to hanging off the edge. He places your right leg up over his shoulder. You bring your left leg up to place your foot on the couch, leg bent at the knee. You feel your thighs flex in anticipation as you watch Aziraphale bring a conveniently lubed up finger to your arse. Butterflies fill your stomach and your eyes widen as you feel his finger circling your hole, massaging it gently.

“Is-is it gonna hurt?” you ask curiously, looking at his face. Aziraphales finger barely dips into your hole, making you gasp and he pauses. Gaze flickering up to look at your face, studying you. Your cheeks burn.

“Have you ever done this before love?” he asks gently, tilting his head slightly as he slips his finger in further, past your rim and to the last knuckle. Your head falls back onto the cushion, teeth clenching at the unfamiliar burn. You squeeze your hands into fists and you shake your head no, flushing even more with embarrassment. You bring your head back up slowly and make eye contact with the Angel. He starts to pump his finger and he’s watching you so intensely you squirm, skin tingling as the burn subsides. The sensation so new and overwhelming, you aren’t sure you’ll be able to take his cock.

“My dear, are you saying I’ll be the first one to make love to you?” Slowly sliding his finger back as he adds a second, pushing both of them in steadily all the way, slipping past any resistance easily. You let out a surprised noise and you push your arse down into the movement of his fingers, the stretch on your rim feeling like a dull throb.

“Yes! You’re the first one, fuck,” you curse. Aziraphale lets out an excited noise and leans forward to suck a bite into your chest, teeth nipping at your skin as his thick fingers stretch your arse. You feel a sharp pinch as he sucks the skin into his mouth, breaking the blood vessels, before soothing it over with his tongue. You moan his name sweetly and it makes the Angels dick twitch where it’s trapped in his pants.

“I can’t believe I get to be the first one inside of you my love,” Aziraphale giggles, nuzzling against the skin of your chest, moving to the left to swipe his tongue over your nipple once before leaning back, never stopping the rhythm of his fingers. You feel like you’re drowning in the sensation of his slick fingers dragging against your walls, fucking you open.

“Aziraphale, oh gods, just- I need you, please?” you ask, wanting to feel the Angels cock stretching you instead.

“Yes, yes of course my love, do you feel like you’re prepped enough?” he asks gently, looking into your eyes. You nod, bringing up a hand to brush your fingers over his chest. He bites his lower lip and you feel the Angels fingers slowly pull out, the strange sensation making you wince.

“It’s okay my love, I’m here, I won’t let it hurt okay? Let’s move on, I need to be inside of you just as badly,” he coos, letting your leg fall from his shoulder, you prop it up on the couch. It mirrors your other leg, both bent at the knee, feet braced up on the couch. You’re spread open wide like this, but you’re not embarrassed to be exposed to him. Your cock lays against your belly, flushed, unbearably hard and you can feel the the precum leaking from your slit, leaving sticky marks on your lower abdomen. Aziraphale watches your movements as he raises up from sitting on his calves to his knees so he’s lined up better with your arse.

“Can I see your cock now?” you ask casually, watching his hands move down to the button of his pants. He laughs softly, amused and his eyes track over your face.

“Of course my dear, I know you’ve been just gagging to see it. I bet you’ve thought about how it looks, and about how it feels. Haven’t you?” he teases, voice a bit condescending. You blush, embarrassed, because yes you’ve thought about how it looks and imagined how it would feel inside of you. Your pouting facial expression is enough of an answer for him and he bites his bottom lip, grinning.

You ignore his smug face and reach a hand out to run down his chest again, wanting to feel his, soft, pale skin under your palm. You scratch his skin lightly with your nails on the way down and it makes the Angel whine, his hands pausing on the buttons of his pants. You smile a bit smugly and he raises an eyebrow at you, hands moving, unbuttoning his pants and undoing his zipper. He yanks his pants down along with his briefs to the middle of his thighs. Your hand falls from his chest and your eyes open wide watching his thick, pink cock spring free, bobbing a little bit.

“Oh, oh shit, is that gonna fit?” you ask, voice incredulous and maybe a bit nervous.

“It will my love, I’m gonna make it fit,” he replies, ego definitely inflated at your comment. You hum anxiously in response and decide to wrap your fingers around the middle of his shaft, feeling the silky, warm skin. You’re in awe of how he fits in your palm, and you give him a squeeze. That pulls a delicious moan from the Angels throat and your blood ignites once again, pushing away your nerves.

“Okay, okay, that’s enough, c’mon Angel, make love to me,” you whine, looking into his eyes and you let go of his cock. He looks like he’s about to protest but he takes a deep breath and nods. He grips the base of his cock and scoots closer, rubbing the tip back and forth over your hole, teasing. You start to wiggle your hips, impatiently and then he grips your wrist with his free hand. He brings it to your cock and wraps your fingers around your shaft before letting go. You look at him questioningly.

“It’s your first time dear, it’ll make it less uncomfortable if you touch yourself at the same time,” he explains tenderly. Your heart flutters, warmth expanding in your chest at the fact the Angels making sure this will feel as pleasurable as possible. You smile lovingly at him as you squeeze the base of your cock. Your eyes flutter shut, pleasure tingling through your limbs. The blunt tip of Aziraphales cock presses against your hole and your eyes fly back open, legs tensing slightly, as you grip your cock tightly.

“Aziraphale,” you whine, feeling a bit panicked as your feel your arse start to stretch.

“Shh, it’s okay love, relax for me okay? You’ve gotta relax baby,” he soothes, feeling his cock press in just a bit more. He runs a hand over your inner thigh, in a comforting way. You nod your head, licking your own palm and starting to pump your cock slowly. The pleasure starts to make your lower half relax as it takes your focus off of the pain. Just like that you feel the tip of his cock pop in past your rim, he accidentally slides in a couple more inches before he stops, releasing the base of his cock and gripping roughly to the undersides of your knees, trying to keep still. You hear him moan lowly through his teeth. The pulses of stinging pain from the stretch rocks your whole body and you grit your teeth.

“Angel, ah, ah, it hurts,” you whine, continuing to jerk your cock, taking away some of the pain. Your free hand rests on the couch.

“Oh love, I know, I know, I promise it’ll feel good soon, do you want me to keep going?” Nails digging into your skin, still holding underneath your knees. You know he’s struggling to stay still, but you trust him, so you nod.

“Keep going please, I can do it,” you say, voice determined. Aziraphale leans forward, pressing his forehead against yours.

“I promise I’ll make you feel so good my dear,” he groans, voice strained as he pants, pressing forward, cock filling you all the way until his balls are pressed against your skin. You whimper and nod in response. You can feel him shaking a little bit and the skin of his belly brushes your knuckles as you move your hand. You cry out as you’re stretched to the max, you arse throbbing painfully as Aziraphale pulls his hips back, dick halfway out before pushing in slowly. Aziraphale leans back to straighten up, he presses on the part of your thighs he’s holding, pushing your thighs back towards you as he starts to thrust steadily. Your feet come off the couch where they were perched.

“Ah, ah, ah! Aziraphale!” you wail, fingers leaving your cock and both hands going to grip the cushions. You hold on, feeling like your nails are gonna rip through the fabric as the Angel tilts his hips upwards slightly and starts to continuously brush over a spot inside of you that makes lightening shoot up your spine, a spot that makes you forget you were ever in pain at all. The entirety of the throbbing ache gone as it melts into burning pleasure and you ask yourself why the hell you didn’t do this sooner. You look up to make eye contact with Aziraphale, jaw dropping open, eyebrows scrunching. His gaze is intense as he leans his weight further onto your thighs and subsequently into his thrusts. He’s letting out little moans as you choke out ah, ah, over and over again. You let your head fall back against the couch.

“Oh that’s it isn’t it love? Am I making your pretty arse feel so good? I promised I would,” he says, breathlessly as his hips slam into yours repeatedly, skin smacking together wetly.

“Yes! I-oh fuck, ah, ah, it’s so fucking good,” you lightly sob, starting to feel a strange sensation in your lower belly, like something’s winding up tightly. Your back starts to ache from being folded and you feel a throbbing start up in your cock. You watch it twitch on your belly and your hole starts to flutter. You look into Aziraphales eyes again, feeling flushed and slightly nervous. You watch the Angel struggle to keep his eyes open, feeling your arse clench around him and he notices the way your dick twitches repeatedly.

“Love, you’re about to cum,” he says incredulously, surprised and excited you’re going to cum untouched. Your eyes sparkle in realization. “Just lean into the feeling okay? Let it happen, I’ve got you.” Hips picking up a quicker pace as he thrusts in long and hard movements. You nod, hands coming up to grip the Angels arms for support. Aziraphale thrusts into you a few more times and you feel your orgasm build to a breaking point, knot releasing and your cock kicks hard, warm, sticky release shooting out onto your chest as your mouth opens letting out a howl of pleasure.

“Aziraphaallee!” you wail again, panting hotly as the Angel fucks you through your orgasm.

“Yes, oh yes, good boy, that’s it, cum for me darling. Ah hah, I’m going to cum, you’re so tight,” he rambles, words spilling from his mouth. You nod quickly, starting to come down from the blinding high of your own orgasm, legs shaky as you wrestle them free from his grip, he lets them go, taking a hold of your hips instead. You wrap your legs around his waist, and your arms around his neck. Your chests press together and you notice you’ve both started to sweat. Aziraphale presses even closer and nuzzles his face into your neck, breath warming your skin.

“Please, cum for me, I love you,” you whisper, hanging on to him, trying to push the feelings of overstimulation away. He thrusts in short, choppy movements a handful of times, feeling the way your slick, warm arse sucks his cock in over and over before he’s pressing all the way in, pleasure bubbling and melting its way through his limbs. He presses his mouth to your neck and whines loudly into your skin, vibrating through your throat as he fills you with sticky release. He relaxes his weight against your body and you melt back into the couch. You both catch your breath for a moment before you let your legs flop from his waist, feet landing on floor.

“How are you feeling love?” Aziraphale asks, pulling away from your neck. The skin of his chest sticking to yours as he pulls away. Your release now on both your chests.

“I’m, I don’t even know how to explain how good I feel Angel,” you laugh, only groaning a bit as he pulls his softening cock from you. You sit up on the couch, feeling a flashing sting of pain in your lower back. “Oh shit,” you say, hand bracing your back as you crack your spine, stretching the muscles.

“I think my knees are permanently welded to the floor,” Aziraphale groans, placing one hand on the couch cushion and one on the coffee table as he pushes himself up on shaky legs. His knees creak and pop as he stands. Aziraphale snaps his fingers absently, cleaning the mess they’ve made. You laugh at the sound of his knees popping.

“You okay there?” Standing up from the couch, you tease him and stretch your legs out. He glares playfully.

“You’re one to speak dear, I heard the way your back was cracking,” he jokes, tucking his cock away and buttoning his pants back up. He was still shirtless and you admired his bare chest, ignoring his jab.

“Hmm, touché,” you tease, seeing him reach for the shirt he discarded earlier, pulling it on over his head. You realize you’re still naked and you blush a little bit, hands moving to cover your cock. You shift your weight awkwardly, really not wanting to put jeans back on.

“Hey, uh, do you have any pajama pants I could borrow? I don’t really want to sleep in jeans,” you say shyly, looking away from him.

“Oh? You’re staying the night now?”He teases, obviously messing with you. Either way you feel embarrassment rushing through you. Your face must have looked mortified because the Angel quickly speaks again, waving his hands animatedly. “I’m just joking darling! Of course I want you to stay the night, here I’ll give you something to sleep in,” he says, snapping his fingers and a pair of soft plaid pajama pants appear in his hands. He holds them to you in outstretched hands, nodding happily at them. You narrow your eyes and snatch them out of his hands, slipping them on.

“You giant arse, you scared me for a second,” you grumble, also pulling on the soft long sleeve you had on earlier. Aziraphale laughs.

“ I know! I know, I’m sorry dear,” he says, stepping closer, small smile on his lips as he takes both of your hands in his. You lace your fingers together, feeling you’re so full of love you could burst at the seams. You smile in return.

“Fine I’ll forgive you this time, as long as you let me choose the next movie we watch,” you reply.

“That’s perfectly reasonable my dear.” Tugging on your hands so you both sit down on the couch again, he then lets go so he can pull one blanket up over both your laps. You feel satisfied and warm, like a cat who lays in the sunshine and a thought pops into your head.

“Promise me one thing Angel,” you say, pretending to sound serious as you turn your head to look at him.

“Of course, what is it love?” Aziraphale says, looking mildly concerned when he sees your serious expression. You break into a grin.

“I get to be the one to tell Crowley, he’s going to lose it when he finds out,” you laugh, moving to pick up the remote that had gotten flung to the floor earlier. You hear Aziraphales laugh ring out loudly.

“Yes yes, fine dear, you can be the one to tell the old boy,” he says, smiling brightly. You both lean back against the couch, snuggling together as you choose the next movie to watch. You feel happier now than you have in the last several thousand years. Thank gods Crowley had the idea for a suggestion box.

#aziraphale #crowley #good omens #good omens smut #good omens fanfiction #good omens season 2 #good omens season 1 #aziraphale x reader #male reader #bottom reader #good ineffable omens #michael sheen #david tennant

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lorelaisdiary · 8 months ago

Text

Content warnings: reader is female and uses she/her pronouns, internalized misogyny, physical violence, abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, mentions of starvation, and child neglect.

Johnny Cade x Female! Reader - Sinners

Summary: You were stuck in a very religious household and were raised to believe that bad things would happen if you didn’t follow the rules set for you perfectly. When you meet Johnny Cade, an innocent boy who just wants what’s best for you, he shows you what affection and love is when given in a healthy dosage and not used in a detrimental way. When you finally open up to him about your family, Johnny decides he wants to get you out before something bad happens to you.

Author’s note: I’m so sorry that this took so long!! I’ve been experimenting and rewriting this to fix everything. I’ve also been going back and forth between multiple of my stories so I don’t burn myself out! I do genuinely wonder what churches and all were like back then. I know there was a LOT of cults back then which was what originally inspired this. I will be coming back to proofread this/fix any dialogue that doesn’t make much sense for Johnny. Also, please give constructive criticism!:)

Word count: 5.2K+

You were on your knees, murmuring a quick prayer. You didn’t want to be outcasted or damned for missing even one prayer and that was something that was beat into you as a child. You kept your hands clasped tightly together as you heard snickering coming from behind you.

You ignored it, knowing it was those boys that had come in randomly during the sermon. You stopped yourself from thinking anything bad about the people laughing. God told you that it wasn’t your place to judge and you trusted him. You wouldn’t judge the boys no matter how many cruel words they spoke.

You felt the tears before they even started to try and fall. You had stood up from the altar and wiped the tears away quickly, hoping no one saw you. The fear of being seen crying wasn’t too strong as everyone already called you overly sensitive so it didn’t matter much if they saw you crying. You went to sit back beside your family, who were all smiling at you as if you had done some good deed by praying.

In your eyes, that was the least of your good deeds. Why didn’t any of the other times get noticed? It wasn’t like it mattered that they didn’t because you weren’t supposed to be praised for doing the bare minimum but it was still upsetting.

A woman sitting beside you smiled down at you and nodded with no actual reason. Well, you thought she was saying hello without speaking. That’s how the people in your class said hello without ever speaking. You found it entertaining but never acted how they did because it was unladylike in every way.

You smiled at the woman and looked back to the preacher who was getting louder by the second. You crossed your arms as you licked your dry lips.

You would do anything to get out of the church but God wouldn’t appreciate you hating his love the way you were. You closed your eyes and looked down towards the ground as you began rapidly praying. Begging for forgiveness that you knew wouldn’t come easily, you felt your heart release the heaviness of your sins. You wouldn’t tell a soul of your true sins. The ones that keep you up late into the night; the ones that make you miss the days you would smoke cigarettes to calm yourself.

You heard the sermon slowly come to an end and you stood up without much thought as you walked into the aisle. Your parents followed you as you walked out of the church without speaking to anyone. Your mom followed you as she let out a sigh. “Your father needs to speak with the pastor so he said we could head on home.” She smiled as she placed a hand on your shoulder. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving!” She started leading you away from the church as you looked over your shoulder. A group of teenage boys had walked out of the building with one specifically watching you walk away.

Your eyes looked towards a random tree after making eye contact with the adorable boy. You thought he was handsome but you felt a certain disgust for feeling that. You were going to marry a man of your father’s choice. After all, he knew what men were like and would choose based on which man could provide for you and your future family.

Your mom pressed a kiss to your forehead as she held you tightly against her. “Do you want to start exercising more?” Your mom suddenly questioned aloud as she ran a hand through your hair. “I think we should go on more walks and get out of the house more. You’re homeschooled and have nothing else to do and I usually have our home cleaned with food on the table long before it’s needed.” She rambled on and on as you stopped.

Your house was in front of the two of you as you grabbed your mom’s hand from your shoulder and began leading her up the concrete pathway that paved the path you needed to take.

Your stomach growled angrily as you felt hunger pains spread throughout your stomach. When was the last time you ate? You couldn’t remember as you felt you still didn’t deserve to eat. You took a moment to look around your house. Your mom was trying to redecorate as much as possible for Easter. You were feeling disappointment that winter had almost ended and it was soon to be summer.

You enjoyed bundling up in the warmest of clothes while also having reason to light a fire in the fireplace. You felt your face flush as you looked in the mirror that was hung in the living room and noticed that the strap of your bra had slipped down your shoulder. Your mom watched as you pulled it up with a struggle.

“You know, you don’t have to panic when it’s just me. I have breasts, too.” You looked at her with the widest of eyes she’d or anyone had ever seen on you.

“Mom! It’s immodest to ever allow anyone to see anything that only a husband should see!” You snapped as you ran up to your room in fear of being seen as a… you couldn’t bring yourself to think the word.

You collapsed on your bed as sobs filled the empty space beside you. You were ashamed, hurt, sad. You couldn’t understand the emotions that flowed endlessly through your body.

You grabbed the comforter from the end of your bed and brought it up closer to you as you flipped and turned every which way to get comfortable. You grabbed the stuffed animal that laid beside you and hugged it close to you. You were tired and you didn’t want to be involved with anything else for that day. You had gone to church and you had prayed to God to get you out.

You closed your eyes as you slowly drifted off to sleep.

You grabbed the piece of toast off of your plate and licked your lips at the buttery taste. You were going to the library soon to find the second to the last book in a fantasy series that you had picked up.

You grabbed your purse and started to walk out of your house with a tired sigh leaving you. You wanted more sleep but you also wanted more time to yourself. Your dad had come home with another man. He told you the man was a pastor from a nearby church that wanted to talk about God with your family.

You walked down the broken sidewalk with a frown plastered on your family. You were nervous to be out in public without one of your parents with you as they told you a lot of bad people liked to prey on young girls such as yourself. It made you nervous to even look out the window some days with the things they told you.

You sped up as the wind blew a little harder against you. You were wearing a long dress that covered everything including your ankles while also covering your arms and shoulders. The dress was wildly blowing with the wind and for a good while, you thought you were going to fly away with the fallen leaves on the ground.

The buildings around you had gotten more abundant as you seen the library in the distance. You heard that same loud laughing that you heard whilst in the church which made you do a double take at the group of boys walking down the sidewalk.

Your eyes met with that of the boy who had puppy eyes. He was attractive but you forced yourself to look away from him as it was disgusting for you to feel attracted in any way to anyone until you were married. You crossed your arms and covered your breasts as you knew that your body was created to be distracting for men. You never wanted to tempt someone.

You happily pulled open the glass door to the library and walked in, feeling a sense of safety when you heard the door shut loudly behind you. You never enjoyed entering buildings. It was… terrifying for you.

You needed to find another book that would keep your thoughts solely on yourself and the characters. Your Bible had kept you pretty focused on living your life based on God but you couldn’t continue to read the same sentences over and over while pretending to completely understand the meaning.

Your eyes scanned the dozens of thick books that were laying with a layer of dust covering them. You grabbed one that had a slightly darker cover than the rest, reading the title before flipping the book over to read the back.

You heard the library door open and close loudly. You looked towards the noise and almost let out a gasp once you saw the boy with the puppy eyes. He was making eye contact with you.

You looked back down at the book that you were holding so tightly that your knuckles were white.

You watched as the boy approached you after a second, finally deciding to speak after a moment. “Uh… hey. I’m Johnny.” The boy finally sent you a shy little smile and you looked down.

“I’m R/n.” You stuck your hand out and the two of you shook hands. You were honestly shocked that he had even followed you into the library to talk to you. You felt your cheeks flush at the thought of him finding you so pretty that he wanted to talk to you.

“I saw you the other day at church and now you’re here…” Johnny’s voice sent something throughout you as he moved a hand to rub the back of his neck.

“Oh, well I appreciate you approaching me but I only date to marry. If that is why you approached me.” You lied through your teeth and it made you feel bad. You weren’t allowed to date. Your parents only wanted you to marry a nice man who would do whatever so long as it meant that you were out of their house by eighteen.

“Oh…?” Johnny sounded confused as he looked up at you. You were wearing your heels and were standing only a few inches taller than he was.

“I don’t mind! Really. I- can we just be friends?” Johnny felt his stomach continue to wrap itself in loops as he broke eye contact and began staring uncomfortably at the ground.

“Yes. I would like that.” You gripped the book in your hand as you began walking to the librarian’s desk. She took your book from your hand and before you knew it, the book was slid across the desk back to you.

Johnny continued walking with you even when his friends started calling him over. You looked at Johnny with the smallest of smiles, “you can go hang out with them, if you want. My parents are strict and wouldn’t appreciate me being around a boy without them.” Your words confused Johnny as he knew parents could be protective but why were yours wanting to be around for every little moment? You were almost an adult woman and you still heavily relied on your family which, don’t get Johnny wrong, wasn’t a bad thing but it also wasn’t healthy.

“Okay. When can I see you again?” Johnny wanted to ask you out on a date but knew you’d reject him given the opportunity which you had.

“Well, I do want to go shopping soon so if you want to come then?” You tilted your head to the left slightly, eyes staring back at Johnny’s with a certain glint in them.

“Yeah, that works.” Johnny murmured as he stared at you as if you had hung the stars in the sky.

“Well, meet me at the Summit tomorrow at twelve.” You smiled as Johnny nodded before he began walking back towards his friends.

You stared helplessly after him, feeling as if you were doing the wrong thing by allowing him to walk off like that.

You let out a sign and continued your adventure home.

“R/n? Are you done?” Your father peeked into your room to ask if you were done reading the Bible. You felt that you were as you had memorized almost every verse you were given. It was mind boggling how you could remember such complex things but forgot simple things such as how to cook a chicken breast. Maybe that’s why your parents cared so much about finding you a husband. You were still excited about the prospects of receiving love and giving it back to someone but that excitement had died down a lot since you’d seen Johnny that day at the library.

“Yes, sir.” You responded as you looked out the window. Rain was clinging to the glass as if it was its life force. You found it fascinating how the drops would hit the window and stick only for them to slowly slide down. It was a cycle that was endless and so fun to watch. Your father left you alone as you heard the thumping of his shoes on the stairs. You tried to ignore the feeling of random sadness that you had started to feel. New emotions were appearing now that you had the slightest taste of freedom.

You were excited, nervous, sad, happy, etc. all because of a boy that you would never ever get to be with in any capacity. You looked at your clock on the wall and stood up, deciding it would be better for you to go get a snack and then take a short cat nap after just to get some of your energy back.

You let out a sigh as you walked down the stairs and came face-to-chest with your father.

“What’s wrong, R/n?” He lifted a hand up only for you to walk past him quickly. You were nervous. You didn’t want to speak to your father as he would only make those feelings intensify. You sat down at the kitchen table with a frown appearing on your features.

Your mom looked at you with the smallest of smiles playing at her lips. Your plate was already made and placed down in front of you. You didn’t immediately start to eat as your father came into the kitchen and sat down at the head of the table. Your eyes watched his every move, a certain anger filling you as you watched your parents turn to each other and began a conversation.

Why did they get to do whatever they wanted, even when it counted as a sin, yet when you do something, you're deemed a demon. A sinner who will never see the pearly gates of heaven. Your mouth stayed sealed as you felt the anger dissipate into thin air as guilt overtook every other emotion. Those were your parents. They never sinned even when you believed they did because you were uneducated and you didn’t understand the Bible as much as they did.

“I met a boy today.” You finally spoke, deciding to tell your parents the truth. God would want you to tell them the full, honest truth.

Your mom leaned forward with a smile on her face, “oh, tell me about him! Is he a God fearing man? Does he understand that you aren’t willing to be intimate until marriage? What about the church's rules? Does he know them?” Your stomach twisted at your mom’s words. You closed your eyes before starting to slowly answer all of her questions.

“He is. He goes to church. I did tell him that and he was okay with it. I haven’t mentioned the rules yet.” You whispered out as you sat up a bit straighter.

Your mom had a look of excitement on her face as she started talking while your father leaned back in his chair. “You’ll have to speak with brother David.” You hated calling everyone your brother and sister. It was unfair and disgusting when people began marrying each other within the church. You thought you were all brothers and sisters. You shuddered but nodded finally.

“Okay, but I never said that I wanted to be with him.” You responded as you picked your fork up and scooped some of the mashed potatoes up onto your fork. They were creamy and perfect. You continued shoveling the food into your mouth while your mom talked to your father.

“Our daughter is growing up. Next thing we know, she’s going to be in the hospital delivering our first grandchild.” Your stomach cramped with the pain of imaginary childbirth. That pain soon drifted to your lower body as you crossed your legs with the pain finally disappearing as you stopped thinking about it.

You would hold off on giving birth for as long as you possibly could.

“She won’t be doing anything until she speaks to brother David.” Your father reiterated what he had said before and you leaned back into your chair. Well, you at least had your mom’s permission to find a lover. You also remembered the numerous conversations where he had told you that he would choose a husband for you, because you weren’t smart enough to pick a good man.

You finished the food on your plate and stood up from the table as you decided you would wash your own plate. You didn’t want to stay at the dinner table any longer than you already had. That was a waste of time in your opinion.

You let out a sigh and walked to the kitchen, scraping the leftover food off of your plate before setting the plate and fork on the countertop and turning the sink on. You loved playing within the soapy bubbles that always spread rapidly once the soap was added. It smelt good and made you feel good. It made you feel clean.

You grabbed the sponge off of the holder that kept it out of the sink. You added a little soap to it before setting the plate into the sink and washing it. By the time you were finished, you had wanted to go to sleep. You grabbed the towel that you and your mom normally used to dry the dishes and quickly wiped the water off.

You opened the cabinet and you slid the plate into its normal place. “Hey, R/n? How much do you want for your allowance?” Your mom yelled to you and you wiped your hands onto your floral dress as you quickly started to walk towards your mom. Your heels clicked on the floor of your home as you caught sight of your parents who were still sitting in the kitchen.

“I don’t mind but I do really want that (favorite colored) dress that has (favorite design) on it.” You looked at your mom before your father pulled his wallet out and pulled a few dollars out. It was more than enough for you to buy the dress.

“Thank you, father.” You wrapped your arms around your father excitedly. You couldn’t remember a time where you felt so happy about receiving money. Usually, you would argue some and hope that they kept whatever money it was that they were trying to give. When it came to the man who had a helping hand in your creation, you didn’t care much. You enjoyed taking money from him and reminding him of your existence otherwise, he wouldn’t remember you past being at church.

You started making your way back to your room, hoping that you could meet that Johnny boy again. Hopefully he would be willing to meet up with you again so you could talk further than you anxiously speaking words that shouldn’t have ever been spoken in the same sentence. You wished you wouldn’t have lied and told him that you date to marry.

You needed human interaction to survive. You loved being with some of your close friends while doing anything at all. You couldn’t care less what the interaction you had was so long as you weren’t alone.

You started walking back up onto the stairs as you thought about how you could get into contact with Johnny once more. You made it to the top of the stairs and your eyes landed on the cross that hung above the staircase. You smiled as you murmured the lightest of prayers, and went back up to your room to pick an outfit out for your day out tomorrow. You wanted to impress Johnny and make him see you in a light that made you seem almost innocent. Men only wanted innocent and modest women.

You picked out a dress that had long sleeves and went down to the floor. You would wear your heels and it would make the dress reach close to your ankles. You set the dress onto the chair in the corner of your room.

You changed into a more comfortable outside before brushing your teeth and hair.

Soon after, you were in your bed and whispering prayers to God, hoping he would bless you with the prospects of love.

You were up and eating breakfast with your stomach twisting into knots. Your mom didn’t mention the slight shake of your hands and she didn’t mention how you were dressed up with makeup and all. She didn’t want him to realize and keep you home instead of letting you go out with your friend.

“Thank you for the money.” You grabbed the orange juice and took a sip from it as your mom looked at you with a smile. Your father had a slight smile but he it didn’t reach his eyes.

You were quick to leave your house, knowing you would be an hour or so early for whatever was going to happen with Johnny. You wiped your hands onto your dress and started walking slowly. You could take the time to admire your surroundings instead of trying to book it to meet up with Johnny.

He would probably be late anyways as all of the men you knew were rarely on time without a woman forcing them to get up and out of the door before a specific time. You meant no harm to Johnny but he didn’t seem like the kind of man to have someone doing that for him.

More often than not, he had dirt on his face and always seemed dirty. You would fix that, of course. You made sure to pack a small jar of water along with a handkerchief to make sure that he would get clean.

You looked around at the trees with a small smile on your face. Animals were casually running around and happily avoiding you as if their lives depended on it. Though, in hindsight, you were technically a danger to the animals mostly because humans killed them so often.

You noticed the Summit was quickly approaching within your line of vision and you quickened your pace so you could sit somewhere and wait for Johnny.

You entered the building and a shocked expression overtook your features as you tilted your head. Johnny was sitting on one of the benches and was pulling at something in his pocket. “Johnny?” You smiled as you realized he was early without you even having to ask him.

Johnny stood up and held a hand out for you as you gave him a grin. “I didn’t want to be late so I left a little earlier…” Johnny’s voice held that southern accent that made you smile. You had lived in the south your entire life but for majority of it, you lived in Utah so your accents were slightly different.

“That’s why I came early, too. Well, come on! We need to get into the shops before everyone else gets in.” You noticed the dirt had been wiped away but the grease in his hair was prevalent still.

You didn’t mind though as the two of you started walking together. “I… I’m sorry if I came off as overbearing last time. I never meant to come off like that.” You whispered out as you walked a little quicker just in case he didn’t react well to your words.

“You didn’t. I just wasn’t ready for it.” Johnny caught up with you and gave you the shyest smile you had ever seen.

“Oh… okay.” You pulled open the glass door, a smile present on your face as you walked into the building. You held the door open for Johnny with a grin on your face. You seen him pause for a moment before he walked into the store you wanted to go in. His eyes shifted from dress to dress without much thought behind his eyes.

“Oh, they still have it!” You smiled as you rushed to grab the dress that you originally wanted. You held the dress up and gave Johnny the most innocent smile he had ever seen in his life.

You skimmed through the sizes and chose yours, holding the dress under your arm as you waved an employee down. “Hi! I was wondering if you could let me into one of the dressing rooms?” You asked with a shy smile on your face.

The woman immediately nodded as the two of you began walking towards the dressing rooms. You peaked over your shoulder and saw Johnny was slowly following too. You would need to make sure he didn’t feel awkward after showing him the dress.

“My sister loves this dress. She actually cut the sleeves off because she thought it looked cuter and it really does!” The employee smiled at you and your eyes sparkled.

“Oh, that’s wonderful! I may have to do that before the summer months hit.” You laughed as the woman opened the dressing room door. She closed it after you and you looked at yourself in the mirror.

You were gorgeous.

You slipped out of the dress you were in and slid into the other dress with a smile on your face. The dress was beautiful on you and really made you look ten times better than you ever thought you would look. You always assumed the very worst of anything especially when it came to clothes.

You opened the door of the dressing room and gave Johnny a small smile as you showed him your dress. “I think it looks pretty on me. What about you?” You asked softly as you turned slightly to show him the back of the dress even though it was the same as the other countless dresses you had.

“It looks very beautiful on you.” Johnny gave you a small, breathless smile as he looked you up and down. You walked over to him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, hugging him as you decided you wanted to give him physical affection.

It wasn’t unnatural for you to want to give people hugs as that was your love language. You slowly let go of the man and went back into the dressing room with a smile on your face. You kissed Johnny’s cheek with the softest smile on your face. You let go of Johnny completely and backed away with your lipstick stains stuck on Johnny’s face.

You walked back into the dressing room and changed back into your other dress as you quickly wanted to make it back to Johnny on the other side of the door. “Hey, Johnny? Can you come in here?” You weren’t going to be undressed in front of Johnny as you had a shirt underneath the dress because you thought of every situation, including having Johnny help you.

Johnny slowly opened the door of the dressing room and came in before closing it with his foot. “What do you need help with?” Johnny asked quietly as he kept his eyes to the ground.

“Can you zip the dress up?” You turned around and smiled as you felt his hand make contact with the shirt on your back. You heard and felt the zipper get pulled up.

You turned around and you both exited the dressing room only for you to see one of your friends from the church standing in line. You grabbed Johnny’s hand and quickly scampered away from the dressing room so she wouldn’t tell your parents that the two of you were alone in the dressing room together.

You let go of Johnny’s hand and you both stood together in the line to pay. Now, you only wanted to get out of the store and the Summit in fear of your parents finding out that you were with a boy. Your parents knew that you had gone out with a man but they didn’t know who it was and you wanted to keep it that way. You didn’t want them to unnecessarily judge him for being less fortunate than your family.

“I was thinking that we could get something to eat afterwards?” You looked at Johnny with the biggest smile on your face.

“Yeah, if that’s what you want.” Johnny mumbled out as he kept his stare at the floor. You were slightly upset that he was so shy but then again, it still made you feel happy/giddy to know that he even wanted to spend time with you, anyways.

“That is what I want and I’ll pay for anything you want.” You smiled as the cashier suddenly caught your attention. You set your dress down on the counter and paid before leaving with Johnny.

You wanted to go to one of the higher end diners that you knew of but Johnny didn’t seem comfortable with the idea so you let him choose a place. He settled on a place that was in a rougher spot in town but nothing the two of you couldn’t get through. You knew that you would get something that would be easy on the stomach so that when you got home, you would also be able to eat supper with your family.

Johnny was standing in front of you with the door to the diner held open. You smiled at him as you felt a yawn creeping up from the back of your throat. You were so tired but knew that you had gotten enough sleep so being tired didn’t make much sense. “Oh, I’m so excited. I’ve never been here before.” You made a comment before realizing that could be taken in a different way. How would the upper middle class/wealthy girl ever end up in the bad part of town with everyone else? She wouldn’t unless she was with someone who knew the bad part of town.

You sat down at a booth and Johnny followed before you started talking. You were rambling on and on. Johnny allowed you to do so and didn’t bother to add anything into the conversation besides the occasional “yeah” or “okay”. You sheepishly smiled at him after rambling and he finally spoke, “do you want something to eat?” Johnny didn’t have a lot of money and he never thought he’d be in a situation where he would need it to make a girl feel like he genuinely likes her.

“Yeah but I’ll pay! I have more than enough money for the both of us. If you want, I can slip the money to you so you don’t feel embarrassed.” You gave Johnny a genuine smile as you leaned back against the booth seat. You grabbed the money from within your purse and nodded at Johnny to grab it from under the table. You didn’t want others to shame him even more for “making” the girl pay.

You cared deeply about societal norms and everything that came with it but you also knew that you wanted to have a lover before you became old and barren. You didn’t want to lose your ability to have children before you even had a chance to have a lover.

You watched as Johnny took the money from you with a frown on his face. You grabbed two menus from the holder on the back of the table and handed one to him. “Oh, I want a salad.” You smiled at Johnny with your cheeks turning a light shade of red. You didn’t want him to see you as anything other than an attractive woman. Anything else would be considered unfair to you as you always worked and tried to present yourself as a respectable and honest young woman.

“I want a hamburger…” Johnny’s voice had gotten more confident and you were proud of that. It must’ve meant that he was comfortable around you.

You nodded at him before speaking, “oh, I enjoy hamburgers but I love myself a nice salad.” You looked down at your stomach and Johnny watched as you subconsciously sunk down into the booth at the sight of your own stomach. You forced the frown off of your face and looked back up at Johnny.

“You know, I would love to go to the library soon. If you’d like, you can come with me…” you were nervous. You had never asked a man to go on a second date with you. That was when the realization hit you that this most likely wasn’t a date and he considered the two of you only friends. You played with your fingers under the table and cursed yourself slightly as you understood that caused it.

You let out a sigh as your thoughts started making you second guess everything. You liked Johnny but you felt almost as if you were using him. You decided then that you wanted to spend more time with Johnny.

You finally end wrapped your arms around yourself. You smiled at Johnny to make him less worried. You had noticed how his face fell slightly when you wrapped your arms around yourself and you felt guilty for being selfish. Everything was so awkward now that the two of you were alone with one another.

Soon enough, a waitress had stopped by y’all’s table to take your orders and you both gave your orders before you looked back at Johnny. “I’m sorry if this is awkward. I’ve tried to make everything less awkward but I feel like I’ve made it worse.” You laughed quietly and apologized softly.

You never wanted to make him uncomfortable and you felt that you had. “You didn’t! You… come off as a little strong but that’s fine.” You heard Johnny speak up, this time louder than any time before.

You leaned back in the seat and let out a sigh, knowing that you were going to go home and cry.

You were laying in bed with tears rolling down your cheeks. Your parents knew that you were out with Johnny and they knew that he had come into the dressing room with you. You were forced into your room and told that you wouldn’t be allowed to eat for a week and after that, you wouldn’t be allowed to see Johnny again.

You were glad that you ate before you came home and you knew that your mom would slip you snacks through the door when your father wasn’t looking. You were ashamed as you knew that everything you done was wrong. You not only hurt your parents but you angered God.

You had turned your back on the only thing that loved you for you. You felt yourself choke back another sob as you stared at the ceiling with tears rolling down your face. You grabbed a pillow and covered your face as you got off your bed. Your father was yelling downstairs and you knew the way to get your punishment over quickly.

You opened the door to your room and began walking down the stairs, understand that you would be in plenty of pain by the time it was all over. You understood that you deserved what your father was going to do to you and you were terrified. You didn’t want to be hurt but you also understood that you had to be hurt in one way or another.

It was the only way to receive God’s forgiveness for your sins.

Your feet hit the bottom of the stairs and you walked into the living room, looking at your parents. Your mom’s eyes widened and she immediately told you to go back to your room. You were sobbing again and your mom tried to reach you only for your father to physically throw her onto the couch.

Your father grabbed you by your shoulder and began forcing you towards the basement. It would only take five minutes, right? That was the usual time it took for you to finish all the punishments. You were silent throughout the ordeal as you knew that nothing you said would do anything. He would tell you to shut your mouth and you’d be punished longer than you would had you just kept your mouth shut.

You were forced onto the ground on top of a tarp-like surface that would catch any liquids that would fall during the interaction that was about to take place.

You didn’t want to fight back much as you had once before and your nose had been broken for it. You were embarrassed to admit that you stopped fighting back after that. On top of that though, God wouldn’t want you to fight back. He would want you to take whatever was given to you with grace.

You heard everything before you felt the physical pain from what you assumed to be your father’s belt.

You were close to sobbing by the third hit but your reminded yourself that you needed food. You could take quite a few hits before your body gave out but to go without eating for a week, it wasn’t something you wanted to do.

Soon enough, your father had left the basement and left you on the ground with tears in your eyes. You would never do this to your future children. Not even in the name of God.

It was too painful for you to even breath that second so why would you ever do something so heinous to someone else especially when it hurt you. You let out a silent sob as you slowly lifted yourself off of the floor. You looked at the ground and noticed the dark liquid that had formed from what happened. You gritted your teeth and began walking up the stairs, tears welling in your eyes as you struggled to walk up the stairs.

You opened the basement door and let out a choked sound before you almost slipped. You groaned as you weakly made your way to your room.

You almost let out a yell as you saw Johnny sitting on your bed with his eyes widening the second he saw you. “What happened to you?” He stood up and you closed your door quickly and slid your dresser in front of it.

You almost gave out as you covered your mouth to silence your scream. You sat down on your bed and shut your eyes tightly. Johnny put a hand on your thigh and gently tapped it as he watched your face change from one to pain to one of fear. “This is a sin.” You hissed out between clenched teeth.

“It’s not. You’re not a sinner because I touch you.” Johnny wrapped his arms around you and you let out another choked sob as you began to take your clothes off in front of Johnny.

“Help me…” your voice cracked as you begged him for help. You didn’t want to be physically hurt anymore. You couldn’t do it. “My father done this because we were in the dressing room together.” Johnny watched as you finished taking off your dress. You had since taken off the shirt underneath and Johnny was both in awe and disgust at the wounds. He’d never seen wounds so deep in a woman.

Johnny got up and begin searching your room, finding tape and an old shirt that seemed dirty. Johnny ripped the shirt and began gently tapping your wounds with it. “I’ll get you out of here. I fuckin’ promise to get you out of here.” He gave you a look of pure anger as you let out a whimper when he hit one of the wounds just right.

“Why do you got tape?” You whispered out as you tried to focus on anything and everything other than the fact that the boy you just got beat over was holding tape and cleaning your wounds.

“It’s nothin’. What’s your favorite book?” Johnny asked as he finished up with whatever he was doing.

You were already talking, hoping that you could somehow forget about the pain that came from each and every touch on your back.

“Edgar Allan Poe is my favorite author and I can’t choose between all of his books but I’d say The Raven is the best of them all.” You whispered out through gritted teeth. You finally felt Johnny gently pull your shirt down. You heard someone walking up the stairs and you immediately pushed Johnny into your closet.

Someone tried to open your door but was abruptly stopped by the dresser in front of it. “R/n? Baby, are you okay?” Your mom’s voice came through the door but you looked down at the ground.

“You said you’d talk to him about the no food thing.” Your voice cracked as you moved to sit down on your bed. You were… tired. That wasn’t the exact word for what you were feeling but it was oddly similar to what you were feeling. You thought that you wouldn’t ever grow tired of living the life that you were given but you had. The bruises were always painful and he never said sorry for all the physical and mental/emotional pain he caused both you and your mom.

Your mom had no reason to stay with him and she had no reason to fear him. She came from a wealthy family which is how your family even managed to stay in such an expensive house. Your father, a bank teller, didn’t make much and wouldn’t have been able to afford the home you lived in without your grandpa.

Your mom walked away from your room, the quietest of sobs leaving your mom. You felt terrible and felt like you were being too harsh on your poor mom. Your father “disciplined” her as well though her punishments were usually worse than yours and if she ever stood up against him for you, he would beat her until she was near death.

Johnny wanted to say something, anything but he couldn’t physically bring himself to speak. It was an awful feeling for the two of you as you sat silently in your room. You finally looked over at Johnny with a weird look on your face. “How did you get into my room?” Your voice sounded rough around the edges, breaking with every other word.

“I climbed the tree?” Johnny looked at you with a small blush coating his cheeks. You looked out your window and looked at the tree, looking back over at Johnny right after.

“I… didn’t know that was possible.” You heard Johnny stop all movement and you decided that you wanted to get sleep but you didn’t want to be alone. “I know we don’t really know each other but can you stay for a bit? My father won’t bother me for a few days and my mom will come by tomorrow afternoon.” You whispered out as you looked over at Johnny. Your nerves were absolutely on fire as you waited for his answer.

“Yeah, I can.” Johnny got off the bed and turned your light off after you asked him to stay, seeing the tiredness in your eyes. You blindly laid down on your bed and reached to grab the blanket on your bed. You were far too tired to fight with anything or anyone. You just wanted to get a few hours of sleep without being interrupted.

“I’m going to go to sleep. You can stay up and do whatever just be a little quiet because my parents will try to come in if you make too much noise.” You closed your eyes as you silently mumbled a prayer. You couldn’t clasp your hands together or get down on your knees as the pain was far too intense for you to move much.

All the adrenaline you had had disappeared by the time you settled back down into your bedroom. Johnny paused in front of you and your bed with hesitation creeping up. He didn’t want to get in bed with you in fear of you pulling away from him.

You moved over slowly and patted the bed beside you, understanding his fear of not wanting to be in bed with you. You felt the bed dip as he got in beside you and you wrapped your arms around one of your pillows and brought it down to your stomach.

You curled around it and closed your eyes as tightly as you could. Your parents wouldn’t come back to your room well into the next day and you were okay with that as you knew your mom would most likely try to make things “right” by bribing you with food or something else she knew you would enjoy.

Your father would only give you a dirty look, making sure you knew he and the men at the church all knew of your sins. Your mom would never gossip because she said that was one of the easiest sins to commit. Your father, on the other hand, loved to tell the other men about how he punished you. You had heard him go into detail about it and it made you feel upset.

Your cheeks was stained with the tears you shed earlier. You were slightly embarrassed to admit that you still cried over the things that happened. You were always told that you would grow out of being sensitive but with every passing day and birthday, you realized you wouldn’t. You still cried over the smallest of things and you couldn’t control the tears once they started. You felt that it wasn’t the biggest issue that you could have and yet, everyone else felt the opposite. They treated you differently based solely on the fact that you were a tad bit more sensitive than they were.

Your blanket was rapidly warming up as you kept it pinned tightly around you, feeling only the slightest bit of guilt for Johnny when you felt his body release a small shake. “Are you cold? Get under here with me.” You moved over and held the blanket up for Johnny to get in with you. You didn’t want to wait for very long so when he moved slower than you wanted, you blindly reached a hand out and pulled him into your bed with you.

His body hit your bed with a thump and you smiled as you turned to face the wall. You didn’t want to bother him or make him feel uncomfortable so you pushed yourself against the wall with an almost silent hiss as your back made full contact with something. You turned onto your stomach and closed your eyes with your body relaxing. You weren’t tired, not really but you needed more sleep especially after what happened.

“I’ll get you out of here. I swear to it.” Johnny whispered out from behind you into the silence of your bedroom.

You laughed quietly as you shook your head. “You can’t and that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with what’s happening. This is God’s plan.” You shifted and let your foot slip out from under the blanket that shielded you from the outside world.

“This ain’t God’s plan. Man, if God wanted you to be hurt, wouldn’t he just do it himself?” Johnny asked you with a frown on his face. You couldn’t see it but you knew he wasn’t happy with you or the situation.

“I don’t know. God has people on Earth and he uses them to punish.” You responded only for Johnny to wrap an arm around you. He knew he needed comfort after being beat by his folks and assumed you would need/want that same comfort. You never did want that comfort mostly because the only people in your house was the ones who caused the pain in the first place. On top of that, the likelihood of your father stepping off of his high horse and trying to comfort you was almost as likely as seeing a unicorn.

It just wasn’t possible. He believed he was above you and your emotions which, in God’s eyes, he was. You weren’t supposed to complain as that was wrong too. Everything you had been doing as of late was wrong and you were ashamed to admit that you had willingly done most of it.

You felt the arm that was around you tighten around you more as your body shook with the silent sobs that left you. You had been so strong up until that point and now you couldn’t be strong. You were weak and would never live up to the person your parents seen when they looked at you. You were absolutely disgusting.

You closed your eyes and felt yourself drift off into a dreamless sleep.

You were woken up by someone shaking you gently. “You need to get up.” It was Johnny. He was trying to get you up and out of bed. “Come on. Both your parents left and you needa get up. We gotta go.” Johnny finally picked you up off of your bed and put your feet onto the floor of your bedroom.

“Johnny, we can’t leave? They’re my family.” You whispered out as Johnny started putting your things into a small bag.

“My folks are like yours. They ain’t worth nothin’ if they’re hittin’ you.” Johnny looked at you and gestured around. You started putting clothes into the bag before zipping it up and letting Johnny force your dresser from its place in front of your door.

Johnny intertwined your hands together and led you downstairs where the two of you left the house that you were raised in. It was unnerving and really made you feel terrible.

** One Year Later **

You put the notepad into the pocket of your apron. You were waiting for Johnny to come in so he could walk you back to your shared apartment with him. “Hey, baby!” You heard his voice as the bell above the glass door rung, telling you that someone had come in.

“Hi, lovely.” You pressed a kiss onto his cheek as you waved for him to sit at the counter. You were proud of both yourself and your lover. You made it out of whatever hell you had started in. You’d gotten yourself a psychiatrist/psychologist which you couldn’t remember which one it was but you were getting the help that you desperately need.

“Your shift was good?” Johnny asked as you poured some beer into a glass cup. You were the only one running the diner and Johnny would pay and tip you for pouring him a cup. You didn’t need that tip from him as the two of you shared finances but if you didn’t somehow, you would appreciate it.

“It was fine. I seen a man who looked very similar to my father earlier. Thought he’d finally come back to hurt me.” You set the glass in front of him. You leaned over the counter and pressed a kiss to Johnny’s cheek. You were feeling slightly relieved at the thought of your past life. You loved your parents more than anything but with the help of Johnny and a professional, you realized that God never wanted your father to beat you mercilessly.

You watched as Johnny took a sip of his beer. “We can afford for you to go to more of those sessions.” Johnny didn’t know much about your mental situation but he tried the best he could.

“Yeah, I know. He says I’m doing good for now. Says I’ve come a long way.” You walked around the counter and sat beside Johnny, laying your head on his shoulder. Your eyes were on the clock placed on the wall as you shook the thoughts from your head. “When you finish drinking that, we can leave. I’m closing tonight.” You stood up and watched as Johnny finished off the last of the beer.

He handed you the glass and you were quick to wash it. You were excited to go home and lay in bed with Johnny. You had never thought that you would be excited to just lay beside someone but once you and Johnny started to live the peaceful life, you were excited by the small things. You were looking forward to the future. To the days where you would get to see your future children running around.

You finished up with the cleaning and you began locking the diner up. “Oh, I’m so excited! I can’t wait to lay down and go to sleep.” You groaned out as you put the keys into your pocket. You would give them to Maryann in the morning when she came in. For now, you’d focus on the small family you had made for yourself that consisted of a healthier lifestyle, without the abuse.

Even if said abuse would haunt you for the rest of your life, you were at the very least, happy with yourself and the life you and Johnny had created.

#the outsiders #the outsiders x reader #Johnny Cade x reader #x female reader #Johnny Cade x female reader #The outsiders x female reader #Johnny Cade #The outsiders fanfic #the outsiders au #horror au #potentially triggering #horror

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