#not to blame my overly critical parent but I kind of do blame her…

[goldlightsaber]

idk when i decided to stop being nicey and became really fucking judgmental but uh. need to work on that 🫡

[excalibur-gone-missing]

Paring: jeonghan x fem!reader

Genre: fluff, 70's au, little to no angst

warnings: none, maybe a few swear words here and there

summary: Jeonghan might be a cocky bastard but when it comes to you he will turn the world upside down, or so he claims.

words: 2k

a/n: I request each and every one of you to comment on this fic don't be a silent reader it helps me as an author to understand my readers and i would love to communicate with all of you. Constructive criticism is always welcomed by me so do talk about this fic or send me an ask.

a/n 2: i heard a podcast and it made me want to write this fic because the love story of the two hosts was sooo damn cutee.

You knew Jeonghan from when you were literally a kid.

His father had moved to your city after a presentation from little Jeonghan on how to make a pocketknife using ice cream sticks that he learnt from his local friends, his mother mortified that her little sweet child would grow up to become a goon forced his father to change cities to go as far away from the place they physically could.

It was during his fathers pursuit for a stable Korean community in Canada’s ever-growing cities did he come across the name of your grandfather’s in the phonebook that sounded very much similar to his. Your grandfather being the trusting and kind man he was invited his father for a dinner in his house the following day and this event kickstarted a relationship between the two families wherein, his father bought a house six minutes away from yours in the small part of your city inhabited by mostly Asians.

You both had met when he was seven and you were only three, he still remembers babysitting you when you were in middle school as your parents trusted no one more than him. So, when he broke the beautiful glass table in your living room, he had skillfully blamed you resulting in a three-hour long lecture from your parents about taking care of ones possessions.

You hated Jeonghan then, you really did, so you refused to talk to him for the next almost five years.

Until you both found yourselves in a duet dance opposite to each other because it was the neighborhood talent show and it was mandatory for the kids to participate. Typical Asian parents.

To no ones surprise your dance number got a tad bit too much hype from the watchers and it kickstarted another full year of you both not talking to each other at all because of the teasing glances and suggestive remarks from adults and children alike.

The time you both talked to each other again was when it was you senior year prom at high school and your father being the overprotective man he was, did not allow you to go because according to him ‘prom is how American kids end up getting pregnant.’

He was wrong of course; kids get pregnant due to having sex but you being the soft-spoken kid you were did not have the gal to inform him that. You would rather spend the night being sad and watching Simpsons and crying about how unfair it is for your parents to not let you go and experience the night considered to rank number one in peak American high school experience.

This was the first time you saw Jeonghan as your lord and savior, which you obviously will never tell him because it will do nothing but fuel his over-the-top ego. But that day he had stepped in and talked to you father.

“It’s an experience and everyone should be able to experience it, I think you are wrong sir to take away this from your daughter,” he had oh so righteously said.

“Son, I would let her only if you take her, as I don’t trust anyone but you with my daughter.”

“So, I shall then.”

Now did this conversation shock you? Yes, it did especially your father’s response to Jeonghan, but you were not going to stir up any feminist conversation with your father right now, not when you just got the pass to go to prom.

That night was something you barely remember; it has been twenty years since then and you barely care about the overly hyped kids and the future alcoholics that you encountered that night. Now that you are wise and older, you understand your parents concern. Suzy from you class had become a mother at the prime age of eighteen, nine months later. You are thankful that your father made the wise choice for you that day.

That night from what you remember was just plain boring, you had come back at 11 to a quite house, had talked to the boy for the entirety of the night, watched the sunrise with him and at the end had hugged him thanking him for taking you to prom.

After that incident, you both had again gone onto your own ways and had not talked to each other for another year till the next family function, where you both were the only kids of the same age present as all your other friends were out of the country for college.

That weekend had sparked a friendship between you both, as you always stuck to each other’s side seeking comfort from one another as talking to anyone else somehow always circled back to your marriage and their extreme concern for your depleting eggs.

The friendship you both wove lasted a long while, throughout your college. Till one day you come back from a trip to Daegu, and he was there standing at the airport ready to rush you away from your family to the nearest Starbucks because he had some news for you.

Once in the café he informed you that he had landed the job he had been trying for right after finishing college. You were elated for him, so happy that you almost forgot to tell him about the potential marriage partner your parents had whipped up during your two-week-long stay there.

Jeonghan being the man he was asked you up front to marry him, confessing his hidden feeling for you and how the weight of them might have just decreased his height. Dramatic bitch.

You being brough back to reality told him no and stated the reason to be man you could have potentially married. He obviously told you to say no to this unknown ‘son of a bitch’ and accept his proposal.

So being the bigger person, because Jeonghan obviously refused to, you reminded him that you had never dated anyone let alone him and you will not marry a man you have not dated.

This conversation then ignited your relationship the first step of which was turning down the said ‘son of a bitch’ while telling your father you wanted to focus on your career more, which you really did. Fast forward six months and while keeping up the long-distance relation with frequent phone calls late at night because your parents might pick up the landline and eavesdrop if its during the day, while at the same time trying to search for a job near Boston went on.

On one late Sunday afternoon as you were sitting on the kitchen island sipping on coffee you got an email from on of the companies, you had given an interview to, informing you had gotten an onsite job that would require you to move to Cambridge, and you were over the moon.

So, the preparations began for your send off and again Jeonghan stepped in like the messiah he is. He is absolutely not one, you refuse to accept. The man went ahead and told your conservative father he will give up his life to take care of you, till this date you claim it will be the opposite if a situation like that befalls you both. After packing your bags, you were on your merry way to live with the man.

It took you both some time to adjust to the new settings he would be over at your place during the weekends and sometimes you would be at his. This continued for another year or so before one night as you both were laying on the bed together when Jeonghan suddenly piped up.

“I think you should see other people.”

Not understanding what he meant you turned towards the guy and asked, “what do you mean?”

“I know we will end up marrying each other, so I want you to experience dating other men too, so you don’t get to ever claim I was the only guy in your life,” he explained to you.

You had yet to get a taste of exactly how much of a cocky motherfucker you are dating, said innocently.

“But Jeonghan you are the only guy I ever dated.”

That was the end of that conversation that night before you both went to sleep, but his urging never stopped. It went on for a few days till one day your exhausted and a tad bit insecure self, lashed out at him claiming he wanted to cheat on you, and he wanted a break. So, you gave one to him.

That entire year you had a flower bouquet delivered early morning to your house with an apology letter, although the apologies lasted only for a month before you forgave the terrified man, who apologized profusely after you accepted to talk to him. Even though you did feel a bit bad after seeing him, the guy looked like he was living during the great depression.

After that all was smooth sailing and he never ever tried to upset you at all, but his playful nature persisted anyways, not like you minded that.

Five years later during your sister’s wedding in Singapore was when his proposal was finally accepted. You had just arrived at the airport and yet again the man had swooped in and taken you away from your family under the guise of some kind of sound check that was needed to be done in the wedding venue.

Your clueless self agreed to go with him and without a second thought he took you to the cables to take you to an island that was nowhere close to the wedding venue. As you were getting increasingly confused, you kept asking him where exactly you both were going. He kept deflecting the topic, so you ultimately gave up and, as another family came up on the cable car, you started talking about your flight that you took with your family. The poor man did not hear one word, he was sweating bullocks and was essentially confused why another family was in the cable car that he had fully booked for you both.

As the family got down at the end, he stopped you from doing so too claiming it is not the stop, even though it was the last one. It was then the nervous wreck of a man got down on one knee in front of asking for your hand in marriage once again, and you being so in love with him accepted to spend the rest of your life with the man.

The rest of it was history, you both had to tell your parents none of whom were shocked at all, rather relieved that you both had at last agreed to get married and be together forever.

Now ten years later and with your two children, you are perfectly content with your life. Waking up with Jeonghan beside you everyday sounds like a dream and you are happy it came true for you.

As you tossed around the bed you saw Jeonghan eyeing you in his half-awake state.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks.

“Us,” you answer snuggling closer to him.

“What about us, huh?”

“The way you forced me to date some other guy because you wanted me to have more experience in dating,” you laughed at the memory.

“Don’t tell me about that it still haunts me till this day” he retorts with a shudder.

“Why did you do it anyways?” you ask.

“I knew I was going to marry you so I wanted you to have some more experience with dating others so whenever you have an argument I could say ‘hey remember that looser you dated!’”, he answers with laugh.

With a laugh you slapped his shoulder exclaiming, “I sometimes forget how cocky you can get!”

"How else do you think I got the permission to propose you in someone else's marriage!" he states sassily.

With that Jeonghan snuggles closer to you some more, its Sundays anyways the kids are with their grandparents and you both have all the time in the world to just bask in each other’s presence and not do anything at all.

[creative-heart]

"The one that got away" Enzo Vogrincic x fem! reader

A/N: Hi! this is the first thing I’ve written in so long, so please be nice. If you have any constructive criticism it’s always welcomed, if it comes from love and respect. I really hope you like this, it’s inspired in kind of a mashup between “The one that got away” by Katy Perry and “Bride or groom” by India Parkman. it’s also written in a third person POV.

Warnings: Basically Angst, all angst, mild drinking. Whatever is in italics is thoughts.

Word Count: 1.6K

The one where reader never spoke up for her love towards Enzo

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It had always been them two against the world, ever since kindergarten when Y/N being the bubbly extroverted redhead girl she had always been, all but adopted sweet shy Enzo, since day one they had been inseparable. Y/N's mom even started calling them June and Johny as they became teenagers, always up to some innocent mischief -from stealing the leftover vodka from the liquor cabinet to grabbing their parents car keys in the night to go take a drive around-. 

It had been so gradually that she had fallen for Enzo that Y/N couldn’t pin point the exact moment, maybe it was after the redhead called him crying at 2 in the morning because that douchebag boyfriend of hers broke it off at 15, or when he ran to the store for the first time to get her tampons cause she had ran out on a Sunday afternoon, and now, here they were. 

“Last day of summer” Y/N sighed looking off into the sunset, while she sat beside the raven haired guy on her parents house roof like they always did “who knew highschool would come and go so fast”.

“And you are abandoning me, breaking a 15 year old promise to never leave me alone…” Enzo retorted in an overly dramatic way just to make his best friend laugh,“I always knew you would leave though, that I would have to face this horrible world alone” and laugh she did while rolling her eyes nudging his side playfully.

“Not my fault you’re bound to be the next big screen hearthrob, and I need to go off to college, not all of us are made for stardom”, she absentmindedly passed the bottle to him before turning slightly to look at that beautiful face she had grown to love, Y/N bit the inside of her lip, once again arguing with herself trying to decide if she should tell him she loved him or not - come on Y/N don’t be such a fucking coward, he’s right here, tell him-, she opened her mouth and took a deep breath she was going to do it, she finally would, when his phone rang.

“Well, that’s me, my brother’s downstairs” he huffed standing up placing a kiss on the top of Y/Ns head “see you later fireball” he chuckled as he got off the roof carefully, the nickname he had given his friend when they were kids still made him laugh to this day, the girl hummed nodding and watched him leave.

~~~~~

Life got busy, and they saw eachother less and less with every passing year. Not that anything changed when they did get to hang out, some things never change -how handsome Enzo was, or how much Y/N loved him for example- their friendship was the exact same that it had always been. 

Y/N tapped her fingers anxiously on the table in the corner of the cafe where they had agreed to meet, five years had gone by and the freckled face woman still felt the same butterflies in her stomach when she was seeing him -he lived in Madrid fulltime now it made it easier for work and she was still back in Montevideo, she was working in a big time law firm, everyone knew she was gonna be a lawyer since forever, always had an argument for everything-. She looked at her phone again and sighed, he was already fifteen minutes late, he never was, she thought maybe this time, life had gotten too busy -he’s clearly not coming, don’t blame him though, he must be so busy- she thought to herself, as she was gathering her stuff to get up, she felt his hand on her shoulder and his usual kiss on the top of her head.

“Sorry fiery, I’m so late, parking in Madrid” he laughed- that oh so enchanting sound that always made her heart skip a beat-, as he sat down across from his lifelong friend. She smiled, everything was forgiven as soon as he looked at her with those dark eyes of his.

“Thought fame had finally gotten to you and you weren’t coming” she pouted while setting her phone back down, she looked at Enzo’s face, something was different, she could tell, something had been different for a bit now, and the change of scenery did nothing to apeace her mind. He rolled his eyes with a warm smile plastered on his face.

“I would never miss the chance to see my best friend are you crazy?” he smiled at the waiter as he brought over the coffee he had ordered on his way in. He took to stirring the sugar in it for way too long, trying to find the words of what he needed to tell Y/N, she looked at him, a tilt in her head, there was something wrong, she could tell, she knew him too well.

“spill it” she said keeping her eyes glued on him he chuckled “you know me to well Y/N/N” he looked up and smiled at her -here goes nothing- he thought.

“I’ve met someone… well…more than met, I have a girlfriend, her name is Marina” he smiled at the mention of her name, Y/N gulped, and forced a smile on her face- she was dying inside, but she would never let it show, not to him, not when he looked this happy. “We met a few months ago, through some mutual friends, she’s a doctor, you will love her. She loves cats and painting, just like you, I can’t wait for you to meet her” he kept rambling on about Marina, he couldn’t help himself, she was the best woman to ever walk this earth besides from Y/N, he KNEW they would get along well- he wanted them to at least, they’re both too important to him in one way or another.

Crap, you’re an idiot, you’re a fucking idiot she kept repeating to herself, Y/N felt her heart sink to the bottom of her stomach, each word her friend said taking it a bit lower, if she had only been braver on that roof when she had the chance- Smile Y/N- she reminded herself, her friend- that word stinging more than it had ever done now- was happy and that was the most important part…right? right.

And he had been right, Y/N eventually met Marina, and she was a sweetheart, and she loved Enzo, it showed, Y/N knew by the way the blonde looked at him that she loved him, because it was the same way she looked at him.

~~~~~

Y/N would be lying to herself if she said she never wished Enzo and Marina broke up, she never lost that hope, relationships not always worked out…hers didn’t at least. But they hadn’t, they seemed to be the perfect power couple, so when her Johny had told her they were getting married and  asked her to be his best woman, she couldn’t say no, she had to be honest, another five years had gone by and the sinking feeling in her gut had never left, it was there every time she saw a picture on his instagram of them two, it got worse every time one of her relationships failed, it just never left.

The twenty-eight year old, fearless woman, who no one wanted to come across in court, somehow felt small and fragile while she looked at herself in the mirror and took a deep breath forcing a smile on her face while finishing her make-up “okay, listen up you”- she gave her reflection a peptalk while she got ready- “you had your chance, you were too scared to take it, it was there and you let it slip away, you have no right to ruin his happiness you’re gonna stand there, you’re gonna be the friend Enzo needs, and you’re gonna tough it out”, the last part coming out shaky as she suppressed a sob, she downed the last of her wine glass and walked out.

She knocked on his door “En, you ready?” she said slightly opening it, just enough to see the most handsome man she had ever seen standing there fidgeting with his bowtie, she laughed and walked in “come’ere, let me help” she turned him around and fixed it for him “there, handsome as ever my dear Johny” she smiled softly looking at him. 

“I’m ready Junie” he smiled a warm, soft smile at her walking out and making their way to the gardens where the ceremony would take place.

As she walked down the aisle, Y/N couldn’t help but think what would have happened if she had been braver that hot day of summer ten years ago- if you had only said something, if you had spoken when you opened your mouth- she reprimanded herself as she walked and took her place beside the love of her life, not in the way she would have wanted, not in the way she still dreamt of every so often, but in the way she could.

When the music started and Marina made her way out, that’s when she finally understood, it didn’t matter what she felt, she could wonder all her life what would have happened if -she probably would if she was honest with herself for once- what would have happened if she’d only been braver, would she be the one walking down the aisle to meet the man she had loved for over ten years, the man she still loved to that day? that was something that she would never know, for now, she could only look at the Johny to her June, and fake the brightest smile as the love of her life, married the love of his.

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A/N: aaarrghhh I’m so sorry about ending it on a down note, it just didn’t feel right to turn it all around, and it being inspired in those songs, wasn’t a happy ending, don’t hate me! please? 

[amostimprobabledream]

My thoughts on the new Matilda movie musical

Yeah, I’m gonna get this out of the way - I am extremely biased because I grew up on the OG Matilda with Mara Wilson. It’s one of my comfort movies, so I was likely to be critical of this. However I’m also a fan of the musical and Tim Minchin in general, so I was willing to give it a shot. Overall? The Mara Wilson version is the absolute superior movie. The musical is somewhat more true to the book (except the bullshit with Miss Honey’s parents), but there’s something very overly-produced and rushed about this new version. I liked most of the songs, but they felt a lot faster than the songs on the musical soundtrack and it gave the movie this weird pacing issue where it was both slow, with its overindulgent dream sequences, and incredibly rapid-paced with how quickly it jumps from plot points and the songs are sped up. “Bruce” was my favourite of the musical numbers but I don’t like that Bruce was downgraded into being Matilda’s age instead of a child a few years older. It doesn’t really feel like a cohesive story so much as a bunch of fantastical set pieces linked together. And while the actress who played her was a good singer, I couldn’t help but find this Matilda kind of unlikeable? There aren’t many scenes where she’s interacting with the kids the way an actual kid would, like in the OG movie and the book where there’s a long scene with her and Lavender as Hortensia explains the ins and outs of Cruncham Hall to them - instead we get a musical number of the kids singing about how tough the school is. Most of her scenes involve her yelling at the adults around her or singing about how unfair her life is. Also, she kept purposefully defying Trunchbull (lying about that kid having narcolepsy, trying to defend Bruce, etc) but Trunchbull never really does anything to her for it aside from vaguely promising to punish her “late”. Like when she shoves Bruce in the Chokey, why not come back and do something to Matilda? (Also Miss Honey’s aghast at Bruce being put in the Chokey because “he’s too young!” but like...putting a child in the Chokey at all is cruel and unusual so what weird complaint? The way she says it makes it sound like she’d be fine with it if he was a nine year old.) Like in the OG movie, she locked Matilda in the chokey just because her dad sold her a shitty car, tries to have her locked away when she figures out Matilda was at her house and blames Matilda for the glass spilling even though she was sitting at her desk. The movie tried to get you to feel sorry for her by giving Mr and Mrs Wormwood moments where they mistreat her, but it just fell kinda flat for me, especially since the Wormwoods came across like they were doing another movie offscreen. (I also found it weird they cut Matilda’s older brother Mikey.) This Matilda just comes off like a bossy little showoff and the actress’s habit of shrieking half her lines didn’t help - I think it’s obvious she’s more used to acting onstage where you have to project your face than in a movie.

I don’t have much to say about the other kids because they barely seemed to be in the movie - Hortensia got changed to a weird kid with a beret and I don’t think anybody even spoke her name onscreen, Lavender became “the newt kid” and more like Matilda’s secretary than her best friend and Bruce got that one song and went right back to being irrelevant again. Emma Thompson was easily the best part of the movie, she was clearly having an absolute blast playing Miss Trunchbull and they included some scenes that were in the original novel, like picking a boy up by his ears, but I’m sorry - Pam Farris’s Trunchbull would have utterly destroyed Thompson’s. She’s played way more for comedy and her defeat is a lot more anticlimactic and cartoony.

Miss Honey is a massive downgrade from the original. The actress had a good singing voice, but Miss Honey in this is a soggy pile of lettuce. She spends the entire movie stuttering and quailing and makes very limp attempts at protecting the kids and overall it’s easy to completely forget she’s in a scene. The OG Miss Honey had a dark past that caused her great pain, but “she did not allow it to interfere with her teaching” and she makes much more of an effort to be proactive in her children’s lives - including when she goes to Matilda’s house and tells off her parents directly. This one was just so bland and two-dimensional and she just spends like every scene with this annoying timid smile on her face. I also found it weird Matilda happened to tell a story that was exactly what happened to Miss Honey’s parents - does she have clairvoyance in this version as well and she can see the backstory of her future adopted mother? Also, with how the character of Ms. Phelps suddenly became like a major supporting character, why didn’t Ms. Phelps just adopt Matilda? It seemed very weird to me Matilda spends all this time with another adult who isn’t Miss Honey and she never gets suspicious about why this kid doesn’t appear to have any friends or why she’s never met her parents - also, why did Matilda keep lying to Ms. Phelps about having shitty parents? She’s fine with outright confronting her parents over her father’s dirty business dealings and outright defying the Trunchbull, but she can’t tell the one adult she actually trusts the truth about what’s going on? Ms. Phelps didn’t seem to have much of a life outside of driving her library van around and listening to Matilda’s story, so it seemed off they put so much focus on her. Matilda’s bond with Miss Honey also suffered greatly in comparison to the book and OG movie and we didn’t even have the scene where she officially has her adoption papers signed by the Wormwoods. If it was that easy for Matilda to leave, why didn’t she just ask Ms. Phelps if she could live with her before the movie started? Why keep lying? Also I found it interesting that every mean/abusive adult was white but every “sympathetic” adult had been raceswapped. I don’t think the filmmakers bothered to stop and consider how problematic that is, but this post is already getting pretty long so that’s as much as I’m going to say. All in all, I regret paying money to see it. Again, Tim Minchin’s songs were the best bit but the whole movie just felt like it was trying to distract you from the weak storytelling with flashy set pieces and overly-saturated colours. (Also what the fuck was that bit right at the end where Crunchem Hall has a fairground built on the playground? Like yeah, I’m sure kids will really want to focus on learning when there’s a fucking ferris wheel and helter skelter outside!)

[sokkastyles]

I saw your recent posts about Iroh and Ursa regarding Azula. Why do you think people are so quick to judge the adults in AtLA like that? Is it because people have heard many stories of “abusive, negligent” or imperfect parenting and so seeing this causes a knee jerk/hair trigger response?

Regarding Azula as a victim and seemingly ignoring that she is an antagonist and therefore designed to be bad. Is it a sense of virtuous morality? Is it people trying to act in the belief that every person no matter how bad deserves sympathy and a chance for mercy and redemption? Does it have to do with the fact that people want are acting out of a desire to see true equality? That seeing villainous women is harmful to women as a whole? And therefore somehow misogynistic?

I think there are a lot of different reasons, and I can't say definitively what other people are thinking, but on the misogyny thing first. There ARE definite criticisms you can make with the portrayals of the female characters on the show, but blaming the characters or insisting that the narrative is actually telling a different story altogether doesn't address those criticisms, just sidesteps them, which is why a lot of these discussions are just bad faith wank.

I do want to say, though, that the idea that "seeing villainous women is harmful to women as a whole" is pure bunk. Yes, there are legitimate complaints to make about trends in media, particularly when it comes to female villains and how their villainy is gendered, however, the idea that women just being villains in general is somehow harmful is itself quite misogynistic. Looking at media through a feminist lens ALSO means advocating for good female villains, for letting women be bad in the same ways men can be. Because women are people, it means that some women are also bad. Not all women are kind or nurturing, some women are hateful and mean and they don't see anything wrong with their behavior or secretly have good intentions.

I do think that in some cases it's people being overly optimistic in the "everyone has the potential to be good / deserves sympathy" kind of way, although being good or having the potential for goodness and being worthy of sympathy are not the same thing. For example, I would say that Azula is sympathetic, but that doesn't make her a good person. That's the kinder interpretation, if you believe that these fans are well-meaning individuals who want to be optimistic about the media they consume. The problem with these individuals, though, is that they can't handle anything with a conflict darker than My Little Pony. I touched on this in my last post but I also think it's related to people rewatching shows they grew up with only to discover that the original media did not age with them, and they expect it to. Not that I think there is anything wrong with adults engaging in kids' shows, but I do think that there are a lot of adults in fandom who exclusively consume children's media which they expect to cater to them, explicitly. So you wind up with this bizarre dichotomy where fans demand that there has to be a happy ending but also every conflict is made into Serious Business. That's how you get so many interpretations of kids' shows that insist that the characters are all abusive war criminals, but these same fans will scorn media that actually deals with those topics in adult ways.

Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not saying adults can't consume media meant for kids. I love ATLA and I also think there is value in consuming all sorts of media, and obviously I am an adult. But I don't expect ATLA or any other children's property to take the place of adult media and I don't engage with it as if it's a story meant for adults. I consume a wide variety of media so that I have different flavors depending on what my needs are at the moment. I don't need ATLA to be everything all at once.

The more pressing issue, and where I think this kind of thinking leads eventually, is in purity culture and the way some people engage in fandom in a way that's overly focused on virtue signaling and performative activism. Because the thing about purity culture is that it's always an "us vs them" mentality. In order to prove you are pure, you have to prove that someone else is impure. A lot of "feminists" in fandom spaces who are deep into this kind of mindset fall into the belief - strongly linked to radical feminism - that women are inherently good and men are inherently bad. A lot of people who make excuses for female villains repeat purity culture and radfem talking points. I've referred to this before as "me feminism" because it's "feminist" in that it focuses on one single woman, usually the woman making the arguments. Azula deserves redemption because Azula suffered, the narrative is misogynistic because it doesn't validate Azula or make excuses for her behavior. Never mind that Azula not only abuses her brother, but her female friends as well. Never mind that she's a violent racist imperialist who believes in power by birthright. Never mind that her "winning" involves stepping on the backs of other women and marginalized people.

This kind of "feminism" is popular in online circles because it's tempting, it focuses on what you deserve. It's also largely missing the point of the show in order to make a bad faith interpretation. A lot of people who engage with ATLA in this way act as if the sympathy built into Azula's narrative is accidental, because they believe the show is against her. Which misses that you can have sympathy for a villainous character but still want to see them defeated because they were ultimately wrong. Just because we feel sorry for Azula doesn't mean she gets to be forgiven. And the reason a lot of people push back against the kind of "redemption" Azula's stans often advocate for is because it is always focused on her and what she deserves and never about the people she hurt.

It's nice to say "if only they could get along" but people have to understand that the reason Zuko and Azula, for example, cannot get along is because she keeps hurting him and still thinks she's better than him even after her breakdown and defeat. I've seen a lot of posts about how Zuko should realize what Azula suffered but have NEVER seen a post about how Azula should realize the same about Zuko, and that is an immediate red flag because Azula was always the aggressor in their relationship. Yes, she did it because Ozai conditioned her to behave that way, but she internalized the attitude that Zuko was lesser and deserves to be mistreated. Zuko never felt that way about Azula. As I said before, there is an inherent power imbalance that needs to be addressed before Zuko and Azula can have a relationship with each other, and it is NOT on the person with less power to fix that relationship, and treating it that way increases the likelihood that the person with less power continues to be mistreated.

And therein lies the issue. Feminism that focuses on the individual is always going to be about maintaining inherent power imbalances because it makes us feel good. Azula doesn't WANT to give up the power she has over Zuko and a lot of women, especially young women online get into performative activism because it means they don't have to examine the privileges they have. If all men are bad, it means you can feel oppressed without having to realize that oppression is intersectional and all men and women experience privilege and lack of privilege in various ways, because sex-based oppression isn't the only kind of oppression. If the show is against Azula because of misogyny, though, it means we don't have to consider how her actions are bad, and it mirrors the way many people in real life who call themselves feminists can and do use social justice rhetoric to abuse others and uphold oppressive systems.

I'm not saying I think all Azula fans are attracted to the character because of this, but enough of them are that it gives me serious pause.

[charminglatina]

In the past week, Barchie fans have:

Directly attacked, harassed and bullied other fans on social media over their ship (especially on Twitter, YouTube, Tumblr and Instagram)

Acted overly cocky and arrogant because they are getting content (what happened to Barchie fans being humble?)

Put down, bullied, harassed and attacked anyone who criticizes Barchie (including Barchie shippers, such as myself, who have expressed concerns or criticisms with how Barchie is being developed, written and portrayed on the show)

Happily condoned cheating and infidelity in support of their ship (when I supported Barchie, I hated the cheating storyline. I tried to brush it off because it was fictional but I could no longer do that. I despise cheating and again, it’s something personal to me. The reason why cheating bothers me is because when my parents were going though a very bad time in their marriage and my Mom was having a mental breakdown—my Mom has struggled with mental illness and addiction for years—my Mom physically cheated on my Dad when I was a kid. When I found out about her infidelity later on in my preteens, I was so angry at my Mom that I was estranged from her and didn’t speak to her for almost five years during my teen years. My Dad was completely heartbroken about my Mom’s unfaithful behaviour that he suffered a relapse—my Dad struggles with alcoholism—and started drinking again, which caused even more problems. Cheating and infidelity is one of the reasons why my parents had such a messy divorce and it caused great destruction and dysfunction within my family as a child. The whole situation was traumatic for me during my childhood. Cheating destroys relationships, families and marriages. When I see people condone or brush off cheating like it’s nothing because it’s fiction, it’s very upsetting. It doesn’t matter if the cheating is fictional. It sends a bad message that cheating should be accepted and condoned because the two people committing the infidelity are “in love” despite being committed to other people. Barchie fans have been happily condoning the cheating that Archie and Betty did to a Jughead and Veronica. While I don’t ship Bughead and Varchie, it doesn’t give Archie and Betty the right to cheat on their partners and have an affair. If Barchie wanted to be together, they could have broken up with their significant others. By cheating, Archie and Betty come across as unsympathetic, untrustworthy and disloyal characters and the cheating makes Barchie a trashy and toxic relationship that is based and built on infidelity. How can people, namely Barchie fans, condone this kind of immoral behaviour?)

Wished death upon Jughead because he wasn’t acting happy to see his friends in the time jump (considering what Jughead is going through, can you blame him for being miserable? Have some Barchie shippers ever heard of empathy?)

Supported Veronica being in an abusive relationship with her controlling, jealous, abusive Hiram 2.0 husband Chad so that she can be out of the way of Barchie (this is another thing that is triggering for me because I was in an abusive relationship in my teens and I’m a survivor of domestic abuse and violence so I can’t stand people supporting abusive relationships even if they are fictional)

Have resorted to endless name calling towards other fans on social media

Made jokes about some Riverdale fans’ mental illness/mental health over their ship

Made fun of some Riverdale fans who have struggled with suicidal ideation and self harming tendencies

Made fun of some Bughead fans who have admitted that Riverdale and the ship Bughead have helped them cope with their mental health during difficult times (It may seem extreme to others but there are people who do use fiction to help them cope with their mental health. Sometimes fiction makes people feel happy and it’s an escape for them. Nobody deserves to be made fun of for turning to something, whether it be real or fiction, that helps them cope with their issues or brings them happiness)

Stalked and harassed other fans by constantly screenshoting their posts to humiliate them, embarrass them and attack them

Made fun of Jughead’s mental health, depression and addiction/alcoholism (these are two real life issues that are very triggering for me because not only do I struggle with mental illness/my mental health since childhood but I have immediate and extended family members and relatives who struggle with mental illness and have battled alcoholism on and off for decades such as my Dad)

Have cruelly body shamed certain actors on the show (yes, it’s one thing to say someone has gained weight but it’s another thing to make fun of someone’s body or weight gain especially when we’re in the middle of a pandemic and a lot of people are sedentary which leads to weight gain)

Acted like complete hypocrites thinking they are better than other fan bases when they are not

Acted like they are morally superior to other fanbases when they have shown they are much worse

[singingforthepromises]

fruits basket manga lb (ch 115-118)

CH 115

“The feeling... of being left behind.” Oh no. 

I actually agree with the maid - Ren IS despicable. She’s horrible. I do think I’m at the point where I dislike her more than Akito, honestly. I at least feel bad for Akito at certain points and it’s growing with each chapter. Ren? She can fuck off, honestly. 

“She’s worthless” about Isuzu. Lol shut up bitch 

“You’re the one who’s worthless, Ren-san” OH HO SHIGURE WENT THERE

Ren is such a hypocrite. In one breath, she criticizes Akito for holing onto ‘delusions’ when she’s sitting here doing the same shit with Akira. 

“She just didn’t want to stop being Akira-san’s ‘number one.’ She’s jealous.” FACTS

Wow she didn’t even hold baby Akito. :/ 

“The way she is now... whose fault.... is that?” I love that this is being brought up, and I’m gonna talk about it. Akito is a product of her environment, we know this. It’s not surprising that she turned out this way. It’s all she knew. She’s clinging to words that her father told her, to justify her actions and make sense of her existence. Otherwise, in Akito’s eyes, her mom was right about her - and that’s a horrible perspective to have. It’s understandable of course: that is what abused children think. Akito is as much a victim from abuse as any of the others. It’s like this entire series has been a game between Ren and Akito and seeing who the winner will end up being, and damn the collateral picked up along the way. 

The way Akito is now.... it’s mostly her own fault, but it’s ALSO Ren’s, Shigure’s, Kureno’s, the maids, the entire Sohma family’s. They all either directly caused this behavior or were content to let it continue. Or they simply chose not to try and get her help or direct her something more positive. I blame Kureno less than I do the others, because he was as much as a victim as everyone else, in his own way. Shigure I do hold responsible because even though he’s under the curse too, he knew Akito best, knew her entire situation, and is still comfortable talking to and fraternizing with Ren. 

At the end of the day though, Akito’s decisions are her own, and until she owns up to it and changes her ways, she’s the same as her mother. I feel much more for her now as opposed to when I first started the manga and anime, but she’s still got a ways to go for me. We’ll see by the end where I stand on her. 

One thing I know for sure: Ren is an irredeemable piece of shit. 

Okay, let me address this scene with Akira and Akito. I totally get where he’s coming from, being a loving father to his daughter that is treated like crap by her own mother. She deserves this warmth and care from her parents, even if from just one. But I feel like this approach, the way he explained her destiny to her, was part of the problem. One parent was overly loving and wanted to give the child everything and told her how important she was and the other was cruel and cold. Akira needed to let Akito know the meaning of the word “no.” Not to be harsh, or cruel to her, but to let her know that the Zodiacs are people too, and they can’t be sentenced to a life of imprisonment with her just because she is their God. That if she treats them right, they’ll be close and bonded, but allowed to live lives of their own. It doesn’t mean that she’s been abandoned, or that no one wants to be with her. Healthy relationships can exist from a distance, and that was not expressed by anyone in Akito’s life. It certainly explains her terror when thinking they’re all going to leave her, or she’s told that they’re going to. 

OH SHIT OH MSJFSFJS DID THAT JUST HAPPEN

MOMIJI’S CURSE

IT JUST BROKE

IM SOBBING MY BEAUTIFUL BOY IS FREE

CH 116

Momiji is walking past his mom’s house? I’m upset

Ohh boy here comes Akito

I do feel bad for her... it’s sad, because she’s brought all of this on herself, and to a degree, it’s karma. But at the same time, I can’t help but feel bad. 

Momiji realizing that Akito is weak and has no power over him anymore.... wow, we love to see it. 

omg are Haru and Yuki realizing it??? 

Tohru blushing at seeing Kyo!! 

Momiji watching her! ;A; 

“Well... you know, right?” AHHHHHHH HE SAID IT

Oh, Momiji did go talk to Akito again... 

“Akito, I can’t spend the rest of my life at your side.” YES MY BOY

Okay here she goes, slapping him. And she’s rubbing salt in the wound, lashing out because of her own pain... and Momiji is bigger than that, better than that. The fact that he’s admitting that nothing will go back to how it was, that breaking from the curse is just as much a curse as actually being under one... that’s truly sad. I hadn’t thought of the bond as a beautiful thing in a while, but I see the potential it could’ve had TO be. They were united by something that could’ve been beautiful. To an extent, in between all of the horror that came with it, it was. 

“I’m going to walk my own path.” I AM SO PROUD OF YOU

“How about you? How long are you going to stay HERE?” I love this question for many reasons, but mostly because it shows that Momiji still cares about Akito and wants her to be happy, too. 

I respect that Akito isn’t trying to stop him even further with more violence or more demeaning words. I don’t know if Momiji’s words are having an impact and she’s starting to realize what she’s caused, or if she’s internally about to have a meltdown and do something much worse, but for the moment, I like that she isn’t lashing out at him much more. 

CH 117

Oh, we’re paralleling mother relationships with Tohru and Akito, are we? They really are foils of one another. 

You’ll get another chance, Tohru!! 

Damn Ren is legit awful. 

“This thing?! It was just a toy to pass the time!” Oh, okay. Explains the “you’re just a toy for me to play with” from little Akito to Yuki. Was this the moment she snapped in the room and painted it black? Was this the precursor? And she repeated those awful words her mother said to her? 

“It meant that I could show off...in front of that woman.” Yep, called it. 

Holy shit she’s becoming aware... “I forced them to stay.” 

“I had faith that no one could split us apart.” So Tohru being involved was so Akito could show Ren that no one could interfere with her bond to the Zodiac. I hate saying that Ren was right, but... it’s true. And like the sad thing is, in this case, the bond SHOULD be severed, because it’s unhealthy for everyone involved, including Akito. But I relate to Akito here: I wouldn’t want my abuser to be proven ‘right’, either. 

Ren is insane

I do appreciate the maids being kind to little Akito. It’s just an unfortunate situation. All of the wrong words in the wrong kind of environment, not knowing how much to support someone without supporting them TOO much to the point of enablement... 

CH 118

Is Akito actually gonna kill Ren? I’m not opposed to that honestly. 

HIRO

HE’S HOLDING HIS BABY SISTER!!!

DID HIS CURSE BREAK?!

YESSSS

That’s two Zodiacs down! oh my god it’s actually HAPPENING.

“No one ever gave me a different way to live!” I mean, Akito is not wrong. She’s justifying her actions, but at the same time, she has a point. Everyone around her allowed this. Like I said: at the end of the day, she’s responsible for her own actions and she needs to own up to them and not shift the blame to everyone except herself. Hold everyone else just as responsible, yes: but admit your own faults. 

SHE JUST STABBED KURENO

JFC

Come on, Akito. You could’ve made a good decision right there, Kureno is willing to help you with the change. But unless you actively want to, nothing will happen. 

Is Kureno actually going to die??? omg. This was the quick moment from the trailer with the knife, right? Holy shit.

“So then what? It’s MY fault?” YES. YES, it IS! It’s your mother’s, and Kureno’s, and Shigure’s and the Sohma’s too - but it is YOUR fault with how you continue to treat people. 

“Where are they all going to go?” as she thinks of Tohru.

Oh god

oh fuck

Akito, I’m being more sympathetic to you, but if you hurt Tohru again, it’s OVER. 

Kyoru!!

“Kyo-kun... there’s something... I need to tell you.” OH MY GOD HERE WE GO HERE SJFJSFJSFJSJFSJFSF

[megastarstriker]

★{𝗡𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝗧𝗼 𝗡𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗹}★

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{ℕ𝕀𝕂𝕂𝕀 𝕊𝕀𝕏𝕏 𝕏 ℝ𝔼𝔸𝔻𝔼ℝ}

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𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: Bullying and Abuse, Slight Cussing, Depression and Anxiety 

Contains: FLUFF AND ANGST

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: Nikki Sixx x Asperger’s! Female Reader

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝘾𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩:

Summary: (Y/N) a 13 year old girl goes to her first day in high school. Despite the hard attempts and making friends because of her socially awkwardness she finds herself distracted by a certain boy in her class. (Note: This isn’t made for discrimination or stereotypes to people who go through anxiety, depression or have autism. This is all real stuff and written for the sake of notice and to betaken seriously. I won’t be portraying any kind of offensive or critical stereotypes nor will ever in this one-shot. This was based on personal experience and point of view. IF YOU ARE DEALING WITH ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION AND ARE TRIGGERED BY THESE SAME THEMES. PLEASE DO NOT READ FOR YOUR OWN SAKE. AND IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM EITHER ONE, PLEASE FIND SUPPORT OR HELP, WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU EVEN IF YOU DONT THINK SO WE ARE. WE WILL HELP YOU GET THROUGH IT, AND IN THE END IT WILL HELP YOU ALOT💕 )

𝙏𝙖𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩: @metalheartofgold, @ginny-rose-sixx, @xxqueencolourxx​, @littlemisscare-all​,

💕 LOVE YOU GUYS AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANNA GET TAGGED  💕 

Keys:

(Y/N) - Your Name

(L/N) - Last Name

{Photos and gifs aren’t mine they belong to their owners. I only own the editing} 💕

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 1971

“Mommy, what if the other kids don’t like me or hate me.....”, I managed to utter out as I looked at her through a glimpse as I looked down at my shoes, while sitting on the stool near the counter. 

“Oh Honey, don’t say that, you know that’s not true.”, Mom said in a cheery voice as she was working on breakfast listening to me as she did,” Some of those kids will like you. Might even want to be your friend.”

I looked up at my mom only glancing at her back as she was stirring the ingredients in a bowl, my attitude and mood not changing from its gloom state as I heard those positive words, as it should.’ Is she only saying that to make me feel better?’ I thought in my head as I felt a bit angry at the thought, a bit happy too that she cared, though it didn’t change my idea of it nonetheless. 

......

......

......

“They think I’m a freak and a monster.....”, I said suddenly without emotion my voice breaking a bit as I felt tears building up a bit on my eyes at the idea of it, trying my best not let them crawl and trace down my cheeks as I didn’t want her to see me cry.

My mom then turned around from what she was doing in the kitchen towards me her eyes widening at what I said, almost dropping the pan she was holding that held a small stack of pancakes, as she heard those sharp and painful words out of my mouth. She gulped slightly making me quirk an eyebrow, waiting for a response and obviously worried and confused for her silence, feeling insecure as I awaited her answer. She then put the pan down and walked towards me kneeling down unto my level as I tried my best to dry roughly at the tears. Only for her to gently push them away from my face and take her soft and delicate hands and brush the tears away with her fingertips as she grabbed my face gingerly, her eyes filled with concern as she did.

“You are not a freak or a monster....Ok. and definitely not a monster.”, My mom corrected me sincerely as she said in a whispering tone to me letting her forehead connect with mine as her gaze met mine.” You are just different from the rest of the other kids.”

“You are special.”, She said as she kissed my forehead, embracing me as she did, returning the hug it a few moments later as I registered the action in my brain. Letting my arms wrap around her for warmth and comfort, as I left the few remaining tears drop unto her clothed shoulder, cursing myself for it.

......

......

......

“Yeah Right.”, I muttered under my breath sarcastically as I replayed the events from this morning. Holding a pen and flicking it repeatedly, as I felt my anxious state grow with every step I took towards what was now called my school, trying to take my stress away roughly at the writing utensil gripped tightly at my hand as I repeated the process. This was a soothing technique for me for whenever I felt overly stressed or anxious in a situation. Despite the annoying sound it would do, I couldn’t help but feel calm and relief wash over me as I felt the tensing energy leave my body, easing my breathing, nerves, and muscles. I then stopped as I calmed down putting the pen on my pocket as I released a sigh, gripping my bag tightly.

------

This wasn’t the first time my mother has said or used the word special in those exact occasions. To be honest there was nothing special about me. This wasn’t my first school that I was attending either. I’ve been to many, and seen many faces from kids my age and younger to teachers and parents. Despite their differences they have one thing in common when it came to me. They all gave me the same look. Whether it was pitiful or dirty it didn’t matter. All the different kids from different schools gave me that same stupid and meaningless face. At first I thought it was because I was new to them, but then I started to quickly realize it wasn’t just that.....I was a shy girl so I never really understood at that time. All those times I would try to talk to people or waiting for them to approach me as I sat alone calmly doing my work....Being friendly and confident as possible as I greeted them with the best and nicest smile I could muster on my young face...They never responded back they simply whispered something to another kid and simply left me standing there stranded as they went to play with the other kids... Avoiding me entirely even when I went to speak with them again....Sometimes I tried asking the kids if I could play but they would either ignore me and walk away or say that It wasn’t a game for me to play......

“Did I say something wrong?”

“Was I not suppose to talk to them?”

“Why aren’t they talking to me?”

Those were some of the thoughts I had, but I knew those weren’t the exact reasons, knowing fully well I wasn’t bad when it came to speech or greetings when I talked to other people. The teachers blamed me for it of course, when I asked them why the other kids avoided me.

“Maybe if you weren’t and acted like such a freak, they would be talking to you.”, One Teacher I remembered bitterly saying to me with the fakest smile as she then turned her back towards me walking away from my small frame not caring whether those words struck my small heart or tear up and cry.

------

I shook my head and decided to think of something else as my sneakers grazed the cement floor on the sidewalk. I then looked towards the sky seeing the sun shinning and the pure white clouds forming picturesque structures as they floated above. ‘I wonder if there is any people living in those fluffy clouds?’, I thought with a smile,’ Is there such a thing as cloud puppies too!?’ 

I giggled a bit as I thought about what a cloud puppy would look like. Sort of like a poodle or    but more fluffier and soft fur like marshmallows and cotton candy combined.  “Are clouds tasty?”, I whispered out loud as I kept staring at the edible-looking clouds, ‘They do look a lot like cotton candy....so maybe.’

I then starred at my feet laughing at the thought, only for then to look up and noticed that I was already in front of the school.

I gulped as I was frozen in place.

“Here goes nothing”, I said to myself a bit nervously as I let my feet drag slowly towards the horrors of what was now officially called my school.

Walking towards the doors of the school, I couldn’t help but feel a wave of nausea hit me, totally uncomfortable on how all of this was going to go. After I enter the entrance to the school through the double doors I couldn’t help but notice one unnormal thing.

Empty halls.

‘Weird.’, I thought in my head with a raised eyebrow.,’ I thought it would be crowded by this time.’

Reading the letters on top of the doors, I checked to see my assigned class as I looked at each one on both sides of me in the empty halls. Seeing the exact one I enter it only for then to see a crowd of unfamiliar faces turned all of their heads in sync towards me.

I then closed it behind me with a jitter in my hands as I felt belittled by all the beady eyes of the students that were staring at me while sitting in there sits.

“Mrs.(Y/N), You’re late!”, A female voice said harshly next to me.

I then turned towards the origin of the voice to my right, seeing it was a middle aged woman with long hair that was tied up into a bun and was wearing glasses underneath her brown caramel eyes. Her faced was adorned with makeup and an angry scowl in her face as her eyes met mine, obviously unhappy and pissed.

“Care to explain why?.”, She said in a dominant tone, and with stern eyes as she crossed her arms across her chest and her heels clicked underneath the marble floor of the classroom as she tapped her foot impatiently.

“I-i....”, I started with a stammer and whisper obviously nervous and uneasy about all of the students who were staring at me in the front of the class.,”I-im sorry..”

‘Way to go me....’, I thought sarcastically at myself as I said those words.

The teacher squinted her eyes with a humph, only to then close them. Then as if on cue....

An erupting choir of laughter resounded in the entirety of the room in sync as all of the kids started to laugh at me. In that moment I felt humiliated and irritated,  I wanted to just throw myself in a box and at the same time tell the kids to shove their mouths up their own asses to shut them up. But I felt completely vulnerable at the moment unknowing of what to say. as I felt small....

‘So much for good impressions.’, I thought in defeat as I looked down at the floor.

“Quiet down class, quiet down!”, The teacher said as she stared at room full of teens as they all kept quiet some of them still snickering softly, or trying to control the laughter that was still trying to emit from their lips.

“I’ll let you off with a warning since you did apologize, after all. The next time though I won’t and you will be sent to the principal’s office as punishment if this repeats. Understood.”, She said a bit more warmly still keeping a strict poise as she turned towards me.

I nodded slowly of course as I listen to her words looking down a bit ashamedly as I did.” Yes Mrs....”

“Mrs. Johnson.”, She said with a small smile and then she gestured towards the empty seat,” You can go ahead and sit next to Frank over there in the back.”

I then followed her arm towards were she was exactly pointing and to my thoughts, there was a boy with an orange pale button up shirt in the far back right next to were my assigned seat was, looking and snapping his thoughts towards the teacher as he heard his name from the teacher’s mouth. I gulped ‘Why the far back?’ I then looked towards the front row and saw the whole aisle filled students already, ‘Oh that’s why...’

Taking a deep breath, I stepped towards through the rows of filled seats, hearing whispers or name-callings as I walked past them towards my seat. Of course I glared at the students a bit in front of me while also trying to put a fake smile for them as I tried my best to ignore their harsh and childish remarks. As I reached the desk, I couldn’t help but notice the “Frank” boy from earlier stare at me from the corner of my eyes as I sat beside him, knowing that he wasn’t in the beginning until he heard his name being called. His bright green eyes observing me as I put my backpack close to my side and slumped into my seat. I then saw as the boy stared for a few seconds at me more before looking away from me in boredom just like a few minutes earlier. 

As he looked away, I couldn’t help but stare at him as I got good look at him clearly compared to when I was in the front of the class. “Frank” had brown blondish hair that was a bit long and slicked back neatly, green and slightly dark eyes as the color of leaves in the trees during springs or summer as they stared boredly away as one hand was held towards his cheek, leaning his elbow against and touching the table on his desk propping his head up, wearing his orange pale button up shirt and white pants, along with some sneakers. 

“Cute.”, I whispered a bit too loudly as I stared at him my cheeks dusting with a violent red as I realized what words fell from  my mouth. Frank being near me ,considering he was beside me and the whole class was quiet at the moment, turned his head to me as he heard what I said with a confused face, either not catching what I just heard or uncomfortable with what I said from my understanding. I then stared to the front away from him, my shoulders tense, my face completely red, and my heart beating out as if it were to rip away from my ribcage and body. I breathed steadily and sighed, as I felt his stare drift away as he huffed a bit going back to his usual stuff to staring at nothing. ‘Geez, what are you thinking girl.....’, I scolded at myself with a mental facepalm,’ You already messed it up with coming late, now your making it worse by telling a boy he is cute....Ugh, at least I hope he didn’t hear me.’

The teacher started lesson as if a few minutes prior and after the incident. Staring mindlessly at the chalkboard, I couldn’t help but feel a bit tired and suddenly....bored as I tuned out the teachers words. ‘School sucks.’, I thought for a moment before a lightbulb suddenly went above my head with a silent yawn,’ I’m gonna draw.’

I then took my separate drawing pad, pen and pencil, while flipping to and empty page. I then started to work my magic as I began to doodle what was on my mind as ideas spurred through my brain. I was pondering on what to draw as I held the pen close to my chin. I had a great influence and overall interest in music, I loved it so much especially when it came to rock music. Because of that, I wanted to become a musician or songwriter one day. I then thought about drawing puppies or rockstars.....

I then did just that as I drew cute little doodles of puppies along with a rockstar sketch of my favorite musician. As I kept listening at the teacher to the class while also distracting myself with some quality time for me, I noticed something soft yet solid grazing shoulder slightly, landing at next to my feet on the floor. It was a crumbled up piece of paper that was made into a ball. Rolling my eyes, I didn’t think any of it as I kept tracing my pen on the paper. 

‘Psst. Hey.’ 

Fixated on the paper I kept on drawing cute little stars and details on the drawing oblivious to the person that was calling someone else, whoever did. 

‘Psst!’

This time it was a bit more louder but still made into a whisper as I didn’t bother to check who it was that made the noise.

I then felt another hard thud on my shoulder this time still soft but harsh as the solid material hit me directly. Leaving my eyes from the paper as I had an angry frown in my face obviously annoyed at the person who threw the paper at me, I looked towards the person who made the ‘psst’ sound again only to see that it was the so called ‘Frank’ boy from earlier. 

He then gestured towards the crumbled sheet of paper in front of my desk. I narrowed my brows at him, with suspicion but complied either way so he could stop bothering me, despite the fact he seemed friendly. Grabbing the crumbled sheet, I heard the sound of the bell ringing before I could open it. The class was then dismissed but before I could read the note that the boy passed to me. I felt a harsh shove as I fell back on the seat causing the note to fall from my hands and into the floor, nobody noticing as they let their dirty shoes graze and paint the paper. Seeing that everyone left including the person that shoved me by accident, I went to pick up the note from the ground only to see that it was indeed painted with shoe prints and ripped in half harshly. ‘Ugh...’ I groaned in disgust as I went to the trash to throw it away,’ I hope it wasn’t something important that I needed to know.’

I then looked towards the back of the class were Frank was, only to find out he wasn’t there anymore. Frowning a bit at the thought as I was hoping maybe I could talk to him, I went towards were all the students were going....probably the cafeteria..

‘Maybe I’ll see him there’, I thought lightening up a bit with a smile.”

‘We’ll even be friends probably....”

------------------------------------------------------------

{AUTHORS NOTE}

Hey there I hope you all enjoyed this little miniseries I’m doing. The reason I made this was because of personal experience in my early years in high school, and I felt I had to write them down. I also wondered how it will be like if Sixx to ever meet a girl with autism. I’ll be uploading part two as soon as I can of course .hope you liked it and Thank you for reading.

💗{LIKE OR REBLOG TO SAVE}💗

[funkymbtifiction]

How I Write, How I Dream: ESTP Edition

Mod: An ESTP asked permission to submit this, since she noticed I do not have an ESTP ‘How I write stories’ description in the archive to match this series. What follows is in her own words.

ESTP: How I Write, How I Dream

So this submission is like 6+ years late topically, I think, but it’s an understatement to say I get side-tracked easily. First I had to be self-aware enough to actually determine my type with confidence, and then I had to remember to write this up. Hopefully it’s an edition that’s better late than never – in any case, I thought it might be fun to contribute, given the frequent lack of Se-dom voices in things like this.

I’m aware that I might be in a comparatively small group as a regular ESTP writer, let alone one familiar with personality typology, but I wrote my first short story at nine for a 4th grade assignment, and then my first full story/intended book when I was eleven, (both of which I immediately proceeded to act out on the playground), so it’s sort of always been a part of my normal retinue of hobbies/coping mechanisms/diversions/distractions. Usually I find that I write the most when I’m bored or otherwise dissatisfied with my real life – sort of using it to spice things up with more exciting events, even if they’re regrettably fictional. I also suspect that I use writing to experience all the interesting things I find myself unable to physically do, at least for the moment – not unlike what your ISTP contributor described. I think sometimes that I use it to subconsciously work through certain concepts, too, until I understand them holistically. It’s like it gives me a way to actually engage and interact with a philosophical concept through tangible expression – through embedding it into [fictional] human behavior. Like how I understand the nuances of the concept of apostasy better for having walked through the plot of Silence (2016) with Scorsese than I would have if it was still just a definition in a theology textbook. Application helps me. (I also had a counselor a while back who told me that I used my writing to work through the emotions I hate to process in real life, but I was never wholly convinced of that or the connection of my plots to my real life events, so jury’s out, I guess.)

When I was a kid, I liked to read a fair-ish amount. Spies were oftentimes my favorite topic, but I also wanted eagerly to be one and owned probably every kid spy gadget ever manufactured for sale at the Spy Museum in D.C., to which I dragged my parents practically every weekend so I could crawl through air vents, etc. However, my favorite children’s series of all was actually the Ingo series by the late Helen Dunmore, which provided me with exciting, nature-based, and [mostly] emotionally satisfying adventures in my lifelong favorite unpredictable environment – underwater. (I also dragged my parents constantly to our local aquarium.) As I got older, the frequency of my reading dropped, and I now find myself usually pulled more towards nonfiction.

[Note – I just realized a lifelong quirk with me and books. I’m sort of ridiculously set on *seeing* the books I own. I mean, I know what I own, but I still constantly get out every book I own on a particular topic just to see them all at once. It makes the knowledge more cohesive for me to concentrate it visually, I guess. Even just the covers. Anyway.]

My writing habits are kind of awful – in that, like alluded to above, I pretty much only write when I either a) am seized by a great idea, or else b) have nothing better to do. I have little ambition to actually publish or anything like that, regardless of encouragement, and I prefer to think of my writing as just a diversion, an amusement for myself alone (though I do crave minimal approval, as I do in anything). In any case, as soon as the pressure of a schedule is attached to my writing, it drains of all joy for me. Much like your ISTP contributor described, I think I hover somewhere between plotter and pantser, depending on the story. Too much planning leads to my feeling like I have no incentive to actually write it, as I’ve already experienced it, and too little leaves me spinning aimlessly with no real direction. I write both prose and screenplays, and the rule seems to hold true for both, overall. Also, whenever I have a problem in my plotting or characters or whatever, I find that I have to step away, go be busy with something else, sometimes for a long while, and when I come back everything just falls into place. I guess unconscious Ti and/or Ni finding solutions? I’m not totally sure how/why that happens.

As my inclusion of screenplay format may suggest, I experience my stories in an incredibly visual way. I think sometimes that my narratives come across very much like movies, with all the requisite limitations and usual lack of character introspection. I feel like I pretty much focus on the observable actions of my characters – I find describing any kind of extended rumination highly unnatural, at least most of the time. Even my planning is highly visual. I have a tendency to graph, chart, draw, and plaster my options all over the walls. It’s ridiculous sometimes, but in many cases I just have to be able to see them all next to each other, even if there’s no other information provided. Like my books, mentioned earlier. It helps clarify my plot choices in my mind. It’s also a quirk/weakness of mine that I am often entirely dependent on outside images for descriptions. I need to find a real person, place, or thing to base my fictional ones on physically if I hope to have any kind of concrete knowledge to allow description. Again, it helps solidify them/it in my mind.

I have another weakness in my writing that often results in much incredulous laughter – I’m often entirely blind to any hidden meaning or symbolism in my own writing. I might get the vaguest sense of something being a good line, but be unsure why until my ISFJ friend starts praising my deep, archetypal references and crafting – and then staring at me when I clearly have no idea what she means. It’s happened several times by this point, and though it makes me laugh, I’ll just blame it on the subconscious inferior Ni. I pretty much never have any kind of goal of being symbolic or laden with deep meaning. If I were ever to try that, I think it would massively stress me out.

In terms of editors, beta readers, or whatever else we want to call those who give solicited criticism – that’s just what I need/want. Criticism. For the most part, I’m incredibly thick-skinned about my writing and would be absolutely fine if someone told me that it was utterly terrible and the whole thing needed revising down to the very concept. That may be because I think many of my concepts are lackluster to start with. But nothing frustrates me so quickly as readers unwilling to actually [and harshly] criticize. I always tell them that I want him/her to rip it to shreds. I mean, that’s the only way it’ll get better. (I’ve made mistakes before by assuming that other writers feel this way, too – my sister did not appreciate my input.)

I write almost exclusively dramas these days, I guess, though of varying subtypes. (I also maintain the availability/ready accessibility of about 10+ stories at any given time of active writing. I bounce between them sometimes based on what I’m feeling like at the moment or what I have a new thought about.) I have a sort of historical drama thing that takes place in the 1680s, a modern drama prompted by a premise of genetic engineering, a Most Dangerous Game kind of hunting/weapons thing, a detective story in the immediate aftermath of WWII, a classic deserted island story, a thing involving the phenomenon of stigmata… the list goes on and shifts constantly.

However, while I’ve typically enjoyed writing, here’s the omnipresent rub – engaging with it for any great amount of time makes me really unhealthy emotionally. I’m pretty sure that after like two or three days primarily working on a story without other overriding priorities, or like six or seven with those scattered distractions, (at best), I’m plummeting straight down to my inferior functions. My historical stories do this even more quickly, because they oftentimes seem to require more mental effort. I get super irritable, drown in self-loathing, start to think that everything real that I want is never going to happen – it’s really not good. The fact of the matter is that while writing is a fun diversion oftentimes, I go insane doing it for too long, because I need to get out and engage. (Thanks to my pesky Se-dom, daring to ask for more than just incessant fidgeting.)

When I do write, however, I’m known for my in-depth research, my character-driven plots, lines some people in my life seem to think are witty or something, and emotional depth, believe it or not. I’ve been complimented on it, as well as my tendency to accurately portray mental/emotional illness. I don’t know. I’ve never thought I was overly talented at such things, but then again, I never paid much attention. Even this write-up has been hard – analyzing my writing like this. It’s not a strength of mine to scrutinize my own habits.

After all, I’m busy – I have to go blast Maroon 5 as I jump off a 20-foot wall yelling, “Parkour!”

I am an ESTP, remember? ;-)

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

[eltanin-malfoy]

Epilogue (Kill Or Be Killed VI)

pairing : draco/fem-collegestudent!y/n 

word count : 3.8k!

Table Of Contents

warnings : my sad sense of humour, cursing, a bit of a plot twist

a/n : okay i know IM SORRY I HAVEN”T POSTED IN SO LONG I HAVE NO EXCUSES. i have a bunch of fics fully written which i feel super insecure abt. (even a spicy drarry one) at this point i’ve kind of gotten into this circle of being overly critical of what i write and overanalyzing every detail to the point i can’t really tell if what i wrote has any worth. nevertheless i’ve been putting this off way too long so i’m finally gonna post this! and i hope that y’all like it. this is def gonna be different than what you may have been expecting but i implore you to read all of it!! up till my author’s note at the bottom.

taglist: @acciodracoo @drawlfoy @war-sword @lilyreachelcassidy @socontagiousimagines @andreasworlsboring101

What does one do when they’re on the run, you ask?

Well, Draco doesn’t really know either. It’s pretty obvious. In fact, he isn’t even sure whether you’d call wanting to hide from someone you almost murdered who now wants to kill you “being on the run”. He thinks it’s somewhere between hiding and just.. being a right coward.

He runs a few blocks, takes a shortcut to his house, packs up his belongings and wipes any clear identifiers of him off the place. Driving licenses, passports, just anything. Even those little clear strands of hair he’d usually just ignore. Then he covers his hair up with one of those ridiculous beanies, slips on a turtleneck sweater and covers his mouth with it. (He would have covered his nose up as well if it hadn’t been for his.. giraffe-like neck) 

It doesn’t take him very long to start to venture out of his house, scoping the vicinity for any prying (Y/N) eyes. He’s alone in the alleyway, except for a homeless man sitting at the edge of the road. Covering himself with a blanket. He seems to be asleep until, well, Draco very gracefully stumbles against some cracked up bitumen. The man sits up, stirring slowly. His eyes blink rapidly as he comes to, the sun shining down bright just at the spot he’s decided to rest at. His eyes are a brilliant blue and they almost glitter in the sunlight. He meets his gaze, just for a second. There’s something so nostalgic about it. Something so familiar, yet so very strange.

Nonetheless, Draco is still very much supposed to be getting out of there. So, he turns to the side, and starts to.. jog. Running would be abnormal at this time of day after all.

He jogs and jogs and jogs. His skinny, dainty looking legs are strangely useful for this task. He gets to a tube station just far enough from his place to avoid suspicion. Then, he does what anyone would do, and heads into the public restroom for a nice, long (and mostly silent) cry. He rushes into a cubicle, locks it behind him and then turns to face the door, covering his face. He weeps and weeps and weeps.

He was in love with her, wasn’t he! He was so stupid! How couldn’t he have known! How could he have idolized someone and somehow have completely missed out the fact that the man had had kids! Should he have just left her like that? All alone in her apartment after she’d been crying about him? Well.. it was true that she was planning on killing him. But oh dear god, she’d definitely been near changing at that final moment… oh dear god, what was he going to do? Where was he going to go? 

He thinks he sniffles too loud at one point and an oddly gruff voice in the cubicle to his right just goes “That shit not going too well, son?”, and then he laughs. Ugh.

Draco waits until he’s pretty sure that that man is gone and then he steps out, heading straight for the washbasins at the front. He’s wiped his face with toilet paper enough that he hopes it isn’t too obvious to anyone outside. A man, somehow even lankier than him, is standing at the washbasin beside his, rubbing at his hands so hard with soap you’d think there was something stuck to it. His hair.. isn’t looking too good. Neither is his face. The man notices him step to the front and seems practically captivated by him, keeps staring at him for 10 seconds straight, until he finally says, “You know you’re not allowed to do crack in here, right?”

Draco then blushes a fierce pink.

***

Draco’s quick after that, topping up his Oyster card and calling his broadband provider to cancel his wifi subscription. He even gets his number changed while he’s on the train. There’s more people there than he’s used to, but he looks ridiculous enough in his get up that most people sit as far away from him as they can. He’s thankful Y/N hasn’t found him yet though. Although, as he’s thought about it now, she probably wouldn’t follow him. At least not too far. 

Then he changes lines a bunch of times and rides the train all the way to Heathrow Airport. Aha! Do you think he’s about to take a flight out of the country? Because he isn’t! Instead, he calls up Blaise and almost cries about needing help.

“It’s an emergency, mate, I swear!”

“Oh my god, Malfoy.”

“Please, Blaise, for old time’s sake. I’m not too far from your house too. I’m at Heathrow. It’d take you five minutes…”

“Are you kidding me? I’ve just woken up, and this is what you’re calling me for? After months of not speaking?”

“I texted you but you never responded, mate. Come on… please? I thought we’d be buds forever.”

Blaise scoffs.

“Fine, blondie. I’ll be there in half an hour. Be at the pick up place when I get there, or I’m leaving. And you really fucking owe me, you know that.”

Draco sighs. “I know… thank you so much.”

“Yeah, bye.”

It isn’t long before Blaise shows up right where he said he would. And Draco is right there! His turtleneck pulled down now. He runs forward as Blaise steps out of his car and throws his arms around his abdomen.

“Oh, god, bruv.” Blaise pushes him back gently. “I was only coming out because I thought you’d have luggage or some shit. Were you travelling light for once?”

“I… I wasn’t here to catch a flight. Or get off one”

“So.. you were going to drop someone off?”

“No…”

“Oh god, you came here just to get me here, didn’t you? Jesus fuck-” He turns around, assumingly getting ready to leave.

“Bini, please.” He puts a hand on the top of his beanie. 

“I should literally just run you over for that one.” His face knits up slightly and he pauses, before soon beginning to smile. “Okay, I guess. I’ll drop you where you want me to..”

“I.. I kind of don’t have a place to be dropped off at.”

“You don’t? Where you planning on going then?”

“I was… kind of hoping…”

“Draco… always a needy little fuck, aren’t you?” He brings a hand to his temple, pressing his fingertips to it.

“Please, Blaise.. I let you stay over all those times as well.. all those times at my manor when we were kids… ”

“Christ, you don’t stop with the sentimental stuff, do you? Why do you have to know all of my weaknesses… okay. But only because Mum’s out of the country at the moment. If she knew you were staying over.. she would have gotten real mad.”

Draco doesn’t really say anything after that. He supposes Esme has somewhat of a reason to not want Draco around. What his Father had done wasn’t exactly... good for the reputations of those associated with him or his bloodline. But it was definitely nice of Blaise to offer him a place like this.

“Thank you.”

Blaise looks over at him at that.

“Did roughing it up on your own teach you how to be nice, Draco?”

“Maybe it did.”

***

So, yes, Draco does stay at Blaise’s place for a while. He does come clean to Blaise about everything that happened (“You… tried to what a girl, mate?”, followed by Blaise running out of the room and attempting to hide from Draco, while Draco running after him, trying to apologise and explain himself) And yes, he does agree to go to a therapist. A nice, motherly one who allows him to cry in front of him with little interruption. (Just a little “D’you want some tissues, love?”) And yes, he does spend a lot of time thinking about Y/N. He cries and listens to Harry Styles and Frank Ocean some. (Even though he hasn’t actually had his heart broken or anything of the sort! Draco is one hell of a dramatic little bitch, huh?) 

What he does begin to understand is his own constant self-victimization. He’s always found a way to find someone to blame for every little trouble in his life. His parents were why he was so bitchy and spoilt all the time, Potter was why he wasn’t as popular as he deserved to be at school, Granger was why he wasn’t the best student at school, his mum was why he wasn’t so open to having a girlfriend much too different from him and… well.. this was all bullshit, wasn’t it? 

He was being childish. He was so bitchy and spoilt, well, because he thought he was better than everyone else. He did for so long, all the time. He could only play it down when he needed to, but if he really didn’t like anyone he made it very clear that he thought they were inferior to him. He wasn’t popular at school because he treated everyone like he was better than them and Potter was just… nicer and understandably more famous than him (Draco still hates him though). He wasn’t the best student at school because Granger.. was simply more hardworking than he was. (Hey, he had to accept it at some point, didn’t he?) He wasn’t anywhere near how damn good she was… at everything. 

And he wasn’t so open to having a girlfriend much too different from him because… he was too used to everything being the way it had always been for him. He had grown up in the same house, stayed in a similar friend circle his whole life, always had the same taste of.. basically everything. That’s why he was so goddamn angry when everything just blew up for his family. Everything he was used to… was gone. He was no longer rich, no longer privileged the way he had always been. And again, he reacted by… well… channeling all his anger towards the person who had seemingly been responsible for that. He didn’t need to be as angry as he had been at his father. Sure, he was smuggling artifacts and even keeping some illegal works as decoration for their estate, but it’s not like Draco hadn’t known about it for as long as he had. He’d even been an adult when he… enabled everything that he knew happened behind closed doors. 

But his father did do everything he did for him. He did thinking he would best be able to provide for Draco and his mum that way. It was true that he was never much too generous, but he wasn’t only because he wanted to invest the money towards his own family’s wellbeing. He supposed he could understand that. And his parents were always, always mindful of his wants. Whether it was buying every boy on his secondary school house’s team a new cricket bat so he could get on with them, to what he wanted to study at uni, his parents always had his back.

Obviously, their “work” hadn’t exactly been safe and Draco wasn’t properly insured to be able to keep up his lifestyle without them or their accounts, so that had been irresponsible on their part. But his childhood could not be considered less than good. At all. He was only ever upset because of problems he kept making up himself. And because of him distancing himself from others by thinking he was too good to mix with them.

This whole change in lifestyle had done more harm than good in terms of his personality, in a way. He’d grown a conscience. It had started by him getting angry at everyone in the place of privilege he’d once had. First, he’d gotten mad at his father for getting him where he was, then he’d hated his friends from pulling back from him, and then… well.. he’d begun to hate Y/N for being able to study and afford nice things for herself. 

His stupid fixation on Hoyt was him looking up to someone he really, really shouldn’t have. Instead of looking up to actual great chemists like Lavoisier or Avogadro, he’d idolized... someone who’d used his knowledge of chemistry for all the wrong reasons. Again, him trying to get back at people who’d stayed rich while he’d lost all his wealth. Instead of working to be more successful than them or anything of the sort, he’d gone straight to the extreme and tried to think about how best to kill one he’d grown envious of. 

The interesting thing is, he doesn’t come close to seeing (or even thinking about) Y/N for a while. He lives harmoniously. He writes to Oxford and tries to get back into his second year. He writes to his college there and even applies for a need-based scholarship.

What’s surprising is, he gets it! He gets back in! His grades back then were reason enough for him to be readmitted into the program, and he just feels thankful for a second that Granger was never interested in taking up Chemistry at uni. He gets himself a job near Blaise’s place, rents another apartment, has a birthday party for Blaise there and meets up with his old friends again. They’ve all grown apart a bit now (understandably so, he was sort of.. the one who bossed everyone to be together most of the time). He even grows closer to them than he ever has before. Actually feels like they’re his friends.. rather than his minions.

It’s springtime and there’s still a lot of time until he has to get back to Oxford that fall. Somehow, even with his parents still in custody, everything seems to have somehow fallen back in place. Even better than before. Everything seems… peaceful.

That is, until he runs into Y/N at his therapist’s office! (Yes, you read that right! :)

He’s only sitting in the waiting room, reading something silly on his phone when he hears… that voice. Stepping out of the therapist’s office.

“Thank you so much, again.”

The woman inside mutters something inaudible in response and Y/N giggles softly. Oh, dear god.

He looks straight up at her, slowly pressing his phone into his lap. Oh no, oh no? Should he be here right now? Should he have told Molly Y/N’s name when he was explaining everything? Has Y/N told her about him? Has she connected the dots at all? Has Y/N followed him here? If Y/N actually has no idea he’s here, how on earth is she going to respond to the sight of him? Should he hide, for her sake? Would Y/N think he was stalking her again? Would Y/N think he was doing the same thing now and have some sort of attack in the office? He quickly looks to his lap again, trying his best to somehow hide away from her. Even though he was alone in the waiting room… and he was quite a bit taller than the seat he was sitting in.. and his blonde hair wasn’t exactly subtle. Maybe he really should have dyed it darker, that time he was considering it, maybe he was right about that. Maybe it’d even su-

“Draco?”

Oh, fuck.

He looks up at her, meeting her gaze a little slowly, eyes scoping out every plant pot in the back before they finally… reach.. their.. target. His ears are burning now, and it’s so quiet there that he can hear the blood rushing through them. Neither of them says a word, until, well, she does.

“Either this is everything all over gone or this one mother of a coincidence.”

She grips her purse a little tighter but she smiles at him brightly. Draco… then… smiles back. He should be careful, shouldn’t he? She’s lured him in once like this. And there’s no reason for her to be so nice to him. Not… after everything. She should hate him. She really should. Is she on something? Does she take meds? Or is she nicer when she doesn’t think worse of you? But shouldn’t she be thinking worse of him? If anyone should be doing that, it should be h-

“Hello?” She’s waving her hand in front of his face. Her nails aren’t manicured as they were before. “Why do you keep spacing out? Should I call her or something?”

“N-no. I’m just- I wasn’t expecting this today… not exactly… prepared. I- I guess I never really got to say it to you then.. I’m sorry. For everything… I-”

“Draco, maybe this isn’t the best place to… you know… just openly talk about this.” She gestures towards the receptionist in the corner, who looks up for a second, then, noticing the gesture, quickly looks down again. “Why don’t I.. um.. I’ll wait for you outside, yeah?”

“Y-you will?”

“I- well, yes. I don’t see why not. Not really in a rush to get anywhere right now. I have some chores to do round here. Why don’t I meet you at the cafe round the corner after your appointment? It’s an hour long, right? The one facing the Waitrose?”

“Yeah, um.. you’re not scared or.. anything like that? I totally understand if you are.”

“No.. I mean.. we know whom between us is that much better at self defense anyways. And I suppose it’d be best for me to take it in my stride after everything.”

“If you- if you really think so, I’m down for it.”

“See ya then. Good luck.”

And with that, she heads out. She’s wearing a light pair of jeans this time. With a full sleeved green top. The jeans are tight. In the best way possible.

He shakes his head and gets himself out of it. What the fuck is wrong with him? He is not seventeen anymore. He needs to get back to himself. He can’t just get hormonal at the sight of a pretty girl.

He rushes into his therapist’s office, and very soon, begins to pour his heart out to her. He tells her explicitly what happened with Y/N herself. And Molly, oh dear me, is a little overwhelmed. She’s just as lovely, though.

“Oh my. You’ve gotten yourself into something, haven’t you?”

“Yes.”

“I suppose-, well, what do you feel you should do about this?”

“What do you mean? What do you think? I’m confused!”

“I- you have to decide what to do, don’t you? I’m here to listen, clear your head about it and let’s help you make a judgement.”

“Molly!”

“Draco! Now, go on.”

***

Somehow, within that space of an hour, Draco does come to a decision. 

The decision to risk it all and try to go out with her again!

He does stay much safer this time around, though. He sends people he’s close to his location. And tells them what to do if he doesn’t wish them goodnight that night. (“just call the police”)

He sits down with her at the cafe and he pours his heart out to her as well. God knew this morning would involve him literally having to do this with two grown woman! Well, at least the one of them was expected. The other… however… also seems to empathise with him as well. To some extent.

“I… well… I suppose I can’t exactly forgive you for just deciding upon killing me the way that you did. That’s mighty fucked up. But… I see the position that you were in.”

“I- yeah.” Draco just shrugs, offering a sort of tightlipped smile. “I get it.”

“It’s amazing to finally be able to wrap my head around it somewhat, though. For so long, I thought you were still lying to me about… the… my father thing. But now I can.. somewhat grasp it. I suppose.”

 “It was extremely messed up.”

“It was. But it’s not like I didn’t-”

“I mean, that seemed more like self-defense to me than anything. Yours made a lot more sense than mine.”

“Oh, that’s for sure. I’ve… kind of always been super paranoid about anything to do with… him. My mother always tells me to be careful so I kind of… took it much too far. That’s sort of why I started going for therapy. I would get such bad anxiety from the simplest of things. I’d taken a long self defense course last year, even though my mom's already had me doing Tae Kwondo since I was in primary school. And you saw what I did with you. I had knives, pepper sprays, everything and anything I would need. I’d set up an alarm system in my apartment and always spoke to someone when I went to sleep and when I woke up. I was just… constantly on edge. And you kind of just… tipped me over it, you know.”

“I know, and I’m so sorry about it. Still. I have no excuses.”

“I appreciate you saying that.”

She smiles at Draco. And he does the same. Something flutters up and down his stomach.

“I’m so glad we could talk this through, yeah? But I should get going. I do have to study and everything.”

“I-” Should Draco give up on this chance. Is this worth it? Could she ever even say yes? Perhaps she would. “Should we trade numbers? Just so we can keep in touch about it.”

“I’m-” She sighs and looks down at her lap, then up at him again. She sets her elbow on the table and leans forward the slightest, setting her chin on her palm. “I’m really sorry… but with the way things went last time… and with my recovering mental health, I just- I wouldn’t feel comfortable with it. I’m so so glad we could go over everything and come to some mutual understanding but… I don’t think I could-”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry. It’s all good. I totally get it.”

To his surprise, his heart didn’t sink. She reaches over and gently squeezes his forearm.

“Maybe we’ll meet again, huh?”

“Maybe we will.”

And Draco walked out of there, not unhappy, but finally feeling like he’d received some closure. He’d erred greatly and he really did deserve what he’d gotten (or not gotten). He’d really tried to get over her already, so it really didn’t sting when she said what she did.

For once, he knew what to expect. And he felt happy about it. Maybe he didn’t get to do bits with her, but that hardly mattered. At least now she knew the truth about him.

What mattered most was that the next chapter of his life was only leading him forwards.

a/n: thank you so so sos os so sososososososooooo much for reading through this series. this is very close to my heart and i appreciate each and everyone who’s managed to keep up with all of it. This final part i also chose to end without really bringing the characters together because… Y/N does not deserve it. for her, that would be the bad ending. i did this because i just think that girls often do not realise that they deserve more than the attractive guy who tries to be bad. this sounds hypocritical coming from well… me… someone who runs a draco blog, but what i’m trying to say is, we shouldn’t settle. a lot of times i feel like we forget to place ourselves in the shoes of the actual character. for what reason would you ever go out or sleep with someone who had ever planned to kill you! their good looks just won’t cut it if so, no? i feel like this is the best ending for the both of them, because draco learns to actualise his potential and to stop blaming everyone else in his life for all his problems, and y/n learns to heal from the struggles she’s had and both their endings are left pretty open. also, i feel like a lot of fanfic endings/plot developments are compromised just to get the main pairing together in the end. so. yeah. also mental health is something i really prioritise, and i thought doing this just does so much justice for both of them mentally. i’d be happy to hear your thoughts and any feedback you have! thank you so much for reading through you all of this as well. love you so much <3

[missxrosalie]

[ ROSALIE LAFORÊT. 43. FEMALE. SHE/HER ] is here! They’ve lived in Silver Lake for [ 1 MONTH ] and are originally from [ MANHATTAN, NY ]. They are a [ VEDETTE & BURLESQUE DANCER ] and in their downtime love [ LONG DRIVES ] and [ PLAYING CARDS ]. They look a lot like [ KERRY WASHINGTON ] and live [ ON SILVERWOOD TERRACE ]. 

PHEW alright. I’m exhausted but y’all know I’m long winded SO, my dears, introducing one of my most beloved characters Rosalie. She’s maybe not the easiest to get along with sometimes but she’s working on it. Here’s some facts!

Born Roselyn Lafayette. She was raised in the projects of Manhattan. Needless to say her family was not rich. Her mother worked 2, sometimes 3 jobs to support her family with unstable support from Roselyn’s father who was in and out of the kid(s) life. He lives permanently in Jamaica now, after being deported.

All that said, Rosalie had always been a daddy’s girl. Even if their relationship is strained now for the stress he put the family under. 

She and her mother butted heads often but without a doubt Rosalie’s mother is her best friend. Now that she’s made a name for herself, Rosalie brought her mother a house and makes sure she doesn’t have to work another day in her life.

In addition, giving back and serving your community is very important to Rosalie and she has money set aside every year to go towards a scholarship for girls in the projects to study dance. Girls just like her.

But you won’t hear about any of that. And I’m getting ahead of myself.

Rosalie was a good student and could have gone to school to study anything she wanted -- to get a respectable job, to go right into the work force. But her passion had always been dance. And her dedication to her craft, hard work, and tenacity got her a full ride to her alma mater in Chicago.

Because she has always been so... hyper focused on success and being the best and pushing herself to be better than she was the day before she rose to the top of her class and got noticed but didn’t make many friends. She was pretty lonely. Maybe she still is.

She was first introduced to Burlesque looking for a job (to support herself and send money home to her mother) and quickly fell in love with the rich scene Chicago touted. And that was history.

After she graduated she continued to work in Chicago, dancing under the alias of Rosalie Laforêt. It was there that she was scouted to move to Las Vegas, an opportunity she took immediately and ran with.

It didn’t take long for her to have her own show. And her career as a Vedette began before she hit 30.

She met her husband at one of her shows. She wasn’t used to men being consistent in her life, considering her parents’ relationship and maybe she was just starved for... attention that went deeper than what everyone saw on stage.

They were married quickly. And again she packed her bags, off to start again in Paris. 

Her husband was a french art critic & collector. And Rosalie was making good money. For the first time she experienced wealth. Which was fine. But inside their beautiful home things weren’t always as picturesque as one might thing.

Bottom line: Rosalie’s husband was a known alcoholic and drug addict to boot. But she loved him so she stayed. Regardless of the cheating. Regardless of the screaming. Who knows, maybe she’s so guarded now because of the shit that went down in her marraige but we don’t talk about that.

It was when her husband died of “mysterious circumstances” that her life in Paris began to totally fall apart. People knew her husband wasn’t... the best. People knew that she was younger than him. People knew that she was attractive. And all of those factors led to people narrowing their eyes.

They called her a gold-digger. Pointed their fingers in her direction. But Rosalie had never been overly emotional. From childhood she had to learn how to survive. Peoples’ problems with her were theirs. Not Rosalie’s. 

And to be honest, it did hurt. Because in reality, her husband smoke and drank and drugged himself to death and she was left to pick up his and her pieces while being blamed for breaking him in the first place.

LIKE BEYONCE’S “LOVE DROUGHT” GIVES ME MAJOR ROSALIE VIBES. So I shall quote from it: “I’ve always been committed, I’ve been focused. I’ve always paid attention, been devoted. Tell me what did I do wrong?”

ANYWAY. She had had enough with Paris. So she let things quiet down a bit. Took a break. Then let her agent convince her to try LA. It would be another new start. And Silver Lake was just out of the public eye enough, and just close enough to LA for work that she packed her bags. Again.

Please don’t waste her time. Rosalie is kind of that bitch. She doesn’t mean to be rude, or harsh, and if you don’t give her a reason not to she’ll be civil but she is kind of tired of people right now. People just... disappoint you. She’s never needed anyone but her mother before, she doesn’t need anyone now. 

Definitely drinks too much wine.

Has kind of become a little bit of a recluse, honestly. The only people she really talks to on a daily basis is her mother and her agent.

TL;DR HOT WINE MOM IS HERE, A LIL SAD, KIND OF WANTS FRIENDS BUT ALSO I DONT NEED FRIENDS THEY DISAPPOINT ME, IS STILL FROM THE PROJECTS AND WILL FIGHT IF PROVOKED, PLEASE LET HER COOK FOR YOU

[leoneandpegs]

The Art of Deception

I’m here and back on my bullshit

(this was originally a vent and it turned into this? I apologise in advance)

Tony was confident. He was smooth and sly. Growing up with the press, he had learned at a very young age that he had people to impress. He was constantly in the spotlight. Constantly watched. The whole world was watching him. Every move; every word; every little thing he had done was known by everyone and able to be accessed by anyone. He was a celebrity; an icon that the whole world looked up to. He influenced society with what he said and did. He couldn’t take anything back. Once it was done, it was there forever. Never forgotten. Easily accessed.

Sometimes, he wished he had a normal life. Wished he didn’t feel like he had to live up to society’s standards. Wished the world wasn’t watching his life play out. Wished he wasn’t constantly judged for anything he did. He desperately wanted a life where he didn’t have to have the pressure of impressing everyone.

Tony’s father wasn’t great. In fact, he was a piece of shit. He didn’t love Tony. If he did, he was just shite at showing it. Tony only longed for his father’s love and support. He wanted a father to tell him that he was proud of him. As a child, Tony worked hard to show Howard that he was worth his time. To show that he was just as smart as him. But even with that, Howard still turned him away. He just wanted to be at least acknowledged by him. Was it just too much to ask? For a father to be loving and supportive? Maybe Howard wasn’t cut out to be a father. (Of course he wasn’t, he was a terrible father.)

Maybe that’s where the problems all started. With his father. Maybe if his father had been somewhat good at what he was supposed to do, he wouldn’t be overly self critical about himself. Maybe he wouldn’t think that everything he did wasn’t good enough.

The Tony the world knew was different to the real Tony. He wasn’t confident and self-assured. He was hurting. Constantly. He never felt like he was good enough. Was he good enough? Was anything he did good enough? Were his inventions good enough? No. That was always his answer. No.

And as life went on, it only became worse.

The Avengers. A group put together to protect the Earth. To make the world feel safe. A group of remarkable and skilled people that were able to bring hope and stability to the world. A group that were meant to be friends. In a sense, they were.

Tony cared for them; he really did. He showed that in his own way. He tinkered and built them their weapons. That was always the way he showed someone that they cared for them (with some exceptions). That was always the way he showed it. It was the only way he knew how to show it. It was a way to relieve his stress. Sometimes though, he felt like they didn’t care about him.

Maybe it was his terrible self-esteem, but he often felt like he was cast out from the group. Like he didn’t really belong there. Sure, he was part of the Avengers but he didn’t think he belonged there as a friend.

Ever since Afghanistan and becoming Iron Man, his mental health had deteriorated even quicker than before. Mixed with his depression and anxiety, there was PTSD. His mind was tainted with the memories of torture, the terrible surgery for his arc reactor and flying into that wormhole during the invasion. His dreams were replaced with nightmares that haunted his mind. That’s part of what caused the insomnia.

He never slept. He couldn’t sleep. Thoughts plagued him, whispering from the back of his mind. A mantra. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. He wished he was good enough.

As a superhero, you can’t save everyone. A fact that Tony was yet to accept. The guilt was always there. People he couldn’t save. All those innocent people that died because he couldn’t save them. He should’ve been able to save them. He should’ve saved them. They had friends. They had family. Why couldn’t he save them all?

The press was unforgiving. Always highlighting his faults and mistakes. Did that help him? Of course not. It only gave him another reason to keep on upgrading his suits and the Avengers’ weapons. He had to be able to save everyone. He needed his gear to be the best it could be. The whole world was relying on him; on the safety he brought to them.

Therapy kinda helped. But then again, he had never been the kind of person that would talk about his feelings. He was never allowed to. (Another fault of Howard Stark.) He was given medication. At times, it felt like it really did help him but at others, it felt like there was no point in taking them. The ups and downs of his mental health, he guessed.

He saw Pepper die. Well, she didn’t really die but he watched her fall. He thought she was dead. She should’ve been dead. If it weren’t for that damn Extremis that she was injected with, she would’ve died. He was thankful for that, but she shouldn’t have been kidnapped or injected with it in the first place. And that was his fault. He shouldn’t have let her get kidnapped. Now she had to have the memories of it.

The Avengers - his second family. And although he felt cast out at times, he enjoyed having them live with him. He enjoyed having their company and the shenanigans they got up to. It was never truly uneventful when they were there. Their family was dysfunctional, but he wouldn’t have had it any other way.

In his quest to keep the world as safe as possible, he created Ultron. In theory, his plan was great. A robot that would bring safety to Earth. A set of hands around the world; protecting the whole population from the inevitable alien attack. If only it didn’t completely backfire.

He didn’t expect Ultron to become evil. Nobody did. He just wanted another way to protect everyone. Apparently, that was just too much to ask.

Ultron was built to protect the Earth, but instead wanted to destroy it. His plan was to kill the entire population of the planet. All of the innocent people. Everyone.

That took a big toll on Tony. He was to blame. He created Ultron. Bruce was missing. He lost JARVIS and even though he now had Vision, he would never be the same. Anyone who died during that attack was on Tony. His fault, his fault, his fault. His mental health got worse.

As he was still yet to fulfil his quest of ensuring the safety of the entire Earth, Tony kept on working. Working on new suits. Working on new weapons. Anything and everything to make sure everyone was safe. ‘You can’t save everyone.’ Bullshit. Tony would make sure that everyone was safe. He could save everyone. He had to be able to. After all of the innocent people he couldn’t save, he had to make sure there wasn’t anymore.

But what happens when those weapons are used against him? The same weapons he gifted those he called family used against each other. They were meant to protect the world, not create what they called ‘the civil war.’

Betrayal. Betrayed by the people he cared for the most. He did a lot of things he regretted during that time. Blinded by rage and hurt, he became desperate to bring his family back together. He brought Peter into the fight. And even though he was definitely good enough to go into a fight like that, he was only a child. He didn’t have to be dragged into that.

Rhodey. Oh god, Rhodey. He was paralysed. And it was his fault. Was it really his fault? No. But did he still think it was? Yes. But still, he made sure that Rhodey has the best damn leg braces that he could build. He would make it so he could walk again.

Then, Siberia happened. Finding out the truth about the death of his parents, he couldn’t hold back anymore. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Learning that someone he completely trusted had lied to him for years, he felt utterly betrayed. And then he was left there to die.

He was alone. Again. He only had Pepper, Happy and Rhodey. And maybe Peter. Not that he meant to let Peter into his life like that, Peter just had a way of working his way into people's hearts.

He gave Peter the suit. It was so much better than his homemade suit anyway. Such a drastic improvement. He was able to track how well Peter was doing and if he had any injuries. He also gave Peter an AI for his suit. Peter named her Karen which he found quite cute.

That was until the ferry fiasco. He took away the suit. He had to take away the suit. It was to keep him safe. Peter couldn’t be responsible about having the suit. That would stop him, right? Wrong.

Tony thought about if it was the wrong decision to take the suit away from Peter. No. It was definitely the right decision. He wouldn’t get hurt. He didn’t need the suit. He needed to learn that he could be something without the suit. He couldn’t have known that taking away the suit wouldn’t stop Peter.

Peter, desperate to prove himself to Tony, went after Vulture on homecoming night. In the end, he didn’t know if he should have gone or not. Having a building dropped on you isn’t a great experience. But he saved the Avengers’ items and that’s what really mattered. To him, anyway.

Tony was absolutely devastated when he found out what really went down on that night. Peter still went out in his fucking pyjamas after Tony took the suit. He took away Peter’s layer of protection. And now he was dealing with the PTSD of having the damn warehouse collapse on him. That was his fault. Everything was his fault.

Even after Peter turned down the offer to be in the Avengers, they still stayed quite close. Peter was gifted the suit back and he visited the tower, which Tony decided to no longer sell, at least once a week.

Tony loved Peter. Hell, even Pepper loved Peter. Have you looked at him? That boy is literally a puppy. At that point, Peter was basically Tony’s son. And Tony was basically a helicopter parent. Howard didn’t completely fuck him up. He was able to take care of his totally not-son. Fuck you Howard.

Peter knew Tony; the real Tony. Despite what the kids at school said about his ‘Stark Internship’, he did actually know Tony Stark himself. And not the press Tony Stark™️, the real Tony Stark. He was one of the lucky few who knew what Tony was really like. Not like how the press portrayed him. He wouldn’t dare say it, but Tony was his father figure. (Honestly, both of them needed to fucking grow some balls and admit it; everyone knew that they were father and son.)

When Tony was with Peter, he finally felt like he was enough for someone. That someone being Peter. And really, to Peter, Tony was more than enough. He had looked up to Tony his entire life so now knowing him was kinda a mindfuck to Peter.

But even so, Tony still wanted to ensure safety to all the people of Earth. Then, he made Mark 50. A nanotech suit that he can get in an instant. Even though it was quite a pain to get the whole mechanism installed (and a pain to have in his body,) it was well worth it if it made sure that Earth could be protected.

It had been about a year since the ‘Civil War’. Still, no contact had been made between Tony and Steve. Tony didn’t really want to. Yes, he wanted his family back but could he really trust them all again? Would they betray his trust again? Steve lied to him for years. On something he had the right to know. Something he shouldn’t have found out about in Siberia. Forgivable? Probably not. He wasn’t mad at Bucky. He was never mad at Bucky. As much as he wanted to be, he couldn’t be. It wasn’t his fault that he was brainwashed and used by HYDRA. He was the weapon that HYDRA yielded. He was mad at the fact that the truth was hidden from him for years. Hidden from him by someone he put his complete trust in.

The Avengers were no longer a reliable option when it came to protecting the world. Nobody knew where they were. Did Team Cap ever think about the consequences on the civilians of the world? They only had a handful of people left that they could put their faith in to keep their world safe. They lived in fear of what could happen without them.

Infinity war. That’s what they called it. That was the inevitable invasion Tony always prepared for. What Tony had been thinking about ever since the invasion in New York. And another one was about to happen.

It seemed like a somewhat normal day. It was a normal day. It should’ve been a normal day. Why wasn’t it a normal day? Just him and Pepper in that park. That’s how it should’ve stayed. Fate works in weird ways and it’s not always the way that it should be.

Tony never thought he would ever actually have to go into space. And especially not with the kid. Peter was just meant to be help the little guys, not carry the whole weight of the world on his shoulders. Peter was a good kid. He already held grief and sadness yet still managed to keep a smile on his face at all times. He didn’t need to be corrupted by the demons and pain of the world. He didn’t need to see space as what it really was.

Oh, yeah and Thanos was a fucking demon of a purple space grape. He stabbed- wait no, impaled Tony. He had the audacity to do so after talking so highly about him. He stood there, waiting for the black to start coming into the corner of his eyes. He was waiting for death. He was going to have the death he always wanted. Dying while saving the world; dying in honour. And he was, until-

“Stop.”

Looking over, he saw Strange. Didn’t he say that he would protect the time stone even if it cost him his life? He wasn’t just going to give over the time stone. This wasn’t the way they would win, right? This couldn’t be the only way.

“It was the only way.”

Well, shit. This is not how he expected any of this to go. And now Thanos was gone. He was sat there, helpless. Not knowing what would come next. Thanos had surely gone to Earth. He didn’t have the mind stone - Vision was still out there, alive. All he could hope was that those that were defending Earth could do so. He prayed to a God he didn’t even believe in that it would all go well.

First it was Mantis. Then it was Drax. Then it was Quill. Then Strange.

“Mr Stark?”

God please no. Not him. Not Peter. The sweet innocent boy Tony had grown to love. He had so much to live for. He had so much potential. An amazing future waiting for him.

“I don’t feel so good.”

Falling into Tony’s arms, Peter clutched desperately onto him as he begged for his life. Too young; too pure. Slowly fading away. Grasping on to Tony for his dear life. This wasn’t the way it was meant to go. He was meant to be peaceful, not in pain. Not begging for his life. Not meant to be a child when he experienced death.

He dusted. Ripped from existence. Ripped from Tony’s grasp. Tony sat there and waited for it too. He waited for the dust to come from his fingers and take him away from existence. It was his turn.

But, it never came.

For the first time in years, he cried freely. He didn’t hold back. Tears rolled down his stained cheeks, mixing with the blood from the various wounds situated on his face. He tasted the dust and the blood. He tasted the tears. He tasted the pain. He tasted the loss.

He failed. He failed to protect the Earth. He failed to protect the universe. He failed to protect Peter. This was all his fault.

His fault. His fault. His fault. His fau….

- 🌻 (Pegs)

My AO3: oofandpeggy

[janeaustentextposts]

Sorry if you've answered this already, but on the subject of Mansfield Park, is Mary Crawford's suggestion really that scandalous? Is it completely unthinkable that Maria could be permitted to reenter society? Was it something impossible or were the Bertrams just unwilling to do it? I know the times are very different, but I always find myself agreeing with Mary.

There’s always going to be a disconnect between our modern moral stances on liberated sexuality and the mores which were firmly in place in Austen’s time, so the answer to your question is…yes. In the context of that family and that society and that era, Maria supremely fucked up. It’s interesting to note that she isn’t a desperate or simple or silly girl led astray, either, as we see with the Elizas in Sense and Sensibility or Lydia in Pride and Prejudice–her misstep is perhaps far more grave as she has already ‘graduated’ to a respectable and responsible position as Mrs. Rushworth. On the spectrum of Fallen Women in Austen, Maria gets the least sympathy because she had the most power, and made a choice which she well-knew would have ramifications in society, whatever Henry might have said to her. I don’t mean to imply that feelings had no sway in her impulses or that Henry isn’t equally to blame or even the defects in her upbringing with Mrs. Norris’ favouritism and her parents’ neglect or indulgence, but Maria does not give the impression of being unaware of what she’s getting into.

Aristocratic circles had some shocking scandals that everybody just lived with, at the time; but Austen rather famously didn’t write about very high society. At most, her characters are connected with baronetcys not overly burdened with wealth, as we see in Mansfield Park and Persuasion. Though these lives are comfortable, I would call them more genteel than aristocratic, despite the titles. The wealth issues bring Sir Thomas and Sir Walter back down to more middling levels, whatever their personal pride in their pedigrees may be. So Sir Thomas Bertram is much more effectively a gentleman, but with the addition of his titled position kind of obliged to Be Better, and so a large part of his identity is wrapped up in the example he must set for decorum. The irony is that his personal biases end up leading him to trust in the Crawfords and miss the fact that his children are only performative good people to escape his criticism.

So in order to rehabilitate Maria in society, the work would all fall to the Bertrams–and they would be working against Mr. Rushworth, and his money, and his clear status as the victim in that situation. To ally themselves with Maria publicly would be a warm fuzzy show of family loyalty, perhaps, but it would destroy their family’s reputation even further, too. What would that do for Julia (if she hadn’t eloped with Yates)? What would that do for Tom, when he sought to marry well and continue the family line? It is not merely that some circles might not accept Maria back as one of them, but that in supporting her so openly her own family would be blacklisting themselves as well as anyone connected to them. Such a scandal would be whispered down the generations, so there would be a legacy of this mark against them, morally.

Now, the Rehabilitation of the Former Mrs. Rushworth could be a very interesting story, but I don’t see Sir Thomas sacrificing all the rest of his family in order to do it. Maria had her chance to be a leader in society, as Mrs. Rushworth, and she threw it away quite deliberately. Society is not necessary to life, and she is still supported quite comfortably, though in some seclusion, and residing more permanently in the country. That is the extent of kindness she has earned for herself, and my introverted ass is like, sign me up!? But for a fashionable woman who likes society I could see this being a penance.

As Mary explains it, she does not see it as impossible for Maria to have any part in society, where money and charm and moral flexibility might allow her–but that is a flexibility which the Bertrams are unwilling to show, whatever their motivations. Both sides, I think, are at least a little wrong, but naturally they can never be reconciled, so if one must win out, it must be the Bertram’s. Austen could not have published a novel where Mary Crawford Was Right. (Which is why Lady Susan wasn’t published until well after her death.)

I think Austen’s view of women who stray (sexually) and how they are treated is fascinating and varied, depending on the character she was writing and the circumstances around them, so it’s always going to be more nuanced than outright condemning all women for all sexual peccadillos; but in the context of Mansfield Park where adherence to a strong personal code of honour, of what is correct inwardly as opposed to what may be accepted outwardly, and the Bertram family’s thwarted perceptions of one another, I think Mary’s plan for Maria needed to be rejected by clergyman Edward as a means of breaking her hold and allowing him to see the differences in character were too deeply entrenched to permit long-term happiness in their union.

As modern people, we of course have no truck with slut-shaming and the double-standards of gendered sexuality–but we’re not publishing novels in the early 19th century. With Mary and Fanny as foils to one another, and the role of irony (direct and symbolic) throughout the whole of Mansfield Park, I don’t think we can really come away with thinking Austen intended a trite and full-stop condemnation of Mary Crawford, even if Maria is punished by being excised from the fashionable world and Mary is set adrift to go back to her own glittering set and their laxer morality. You can agree with Mary, and I think Austen would have been delightedly fascinated to talk over why (as she collected the private responses of family and friends to her novels,) rather than berating you for not toeing the moral line which Sir Thomas and Edmund draw. Though their rules must carry the day (this being the patriarchy,) both were taken in by the Crawfords, and it’s Fanny’s own ethical will which is superior, though she will never have the power to wield it in her family as Sir Thomas and Edmund do.

[empressofmankind]

Ramira ‘Remi’ Don

  Link to original post “Character Development Questions: Hard Mode”               

I am bored af so I am filling this out for Remi, in part because she can do with some char devp.

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with? None that I’ve made up yet in her age group, however she’s closest to her adopted child Dindom ( @nightshade-victorian)

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like? She’s never known her (Imperial) mother. Her mother is still alive though so that may yet change

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like? Very good, she grew up with her (Bosmer) father. He is also still alive, she and Dindom visit perennially

Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know? The notion that you can (and should) adapt social and cultural ‘rules’ to your circumstances and needs. She’s a Pact Bosmer and ever since she decided “staple foods don’t count”, it’s become a lot easier to be an adventurer in Tamriel and get enough to eat without having to turn around every penny to afford a 100% meat diet

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets? A whole lot of things that don’t belong to her. She’s a compulsive pickpocket

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams? She sleeps like a rock and dreams like one too

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares? Few things faze the little dumbass (this is a problem), I don’t think she has nightmares much if at all

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target? Do we have guns? I don’t think we have guns. I can’t believe I am actually not even sure. Take my Elite TES Player ID right now. She’d probably dual wield them like the twink she is.

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up? Nope, still a sewer rat. OK, fine, between the various perennial Guild pay-checks and Tharn finding excuses to give her inordinate amounts of money she’s doing better on average but for most everyone she is and always will be a petty thief

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing? Definitely a less is more kind of gal. She’d run around naked all day every day if she could if people let her

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been? Not a single one, its sort of the problem with her. You’d THINK being chased by a dragon would be it, but it wasn’t

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been? Pretty much every situation (or overly excited) and it causes a whole lot of other NPCs and OCs a terrifying amount of angst. At least a bunch of them are already grey lol

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way? No, she’s a thief by trade and part-times for the Dark Brotherhood, blood doesn’t bother her

Does your character remember names or faces easier? Definitely faces

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not? No, not at all, she’s and adventurer and travels very light

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success? Definitely happiness, I don’t think she even understands the notions of ambition or success and why people desire it

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child? A little deer made of strings and little wood blocks by her father, she still has it

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others? Wisdom, though she’s intrigued by ambitious people in that same way you might regard a strange new animal the first time you see them in the zoo because the idea of ambition is utterly alien to her (and probably many Bosmer)

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before? She’s a very poor verbal communicator and mostly just... does things and assumes between the emoting and being asked direct questions, people know what’s up. In a shocking turn of event, they don’t

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism? She’s very self-concious about things that are typically Imperial or typically Bosmer and how well or not she performs them, courtesy of being half/half. Archery is always a sore spot even though she’s a decent archer. Its invariably in a self-critical way

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others? She mostly just shrugs and moves on which can be a problem if there were other people involved that need more time to cope or if she caused the entire thing to begin with

What does your character like in other people? Wit, creativity, lots of private space invading & sex

What does your character dislike in other people? Bigotry

How quick is your character to trust someone else? Too quick

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person? Not quick enough

How does your character behave around children? Like she’s literally 5 years old too, they do tend to love Auntie Remi though

How does your character normally deal with confrontation? Head-on and with daggers, verbal or otherwise, if need be

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation? Depends on its nature but generally she won’t resort to physical violence unless or until she feels threatened/cornered

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true? Becoming a famous legion archer like Aura Eagle-Eyed, an Imperial legion archer she looked up to. That didn’t happen, suffices to say

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting? Salads in general and those little side-dish salads with other dishes in particular

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable. Snuggled up with maximised skin-contact with someone she cares about

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable. Having to sit still on furniture made out of tree corpses

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve? willing to improve, presuming she listened at all, it doesn’t always look it

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method? She’ll keep at it a little while and then change

How does your character behave around people they like? She will try to be funny and be very close to them, to the point of personal space invading

How does your character behave around people they dislike? She’ll be reluctant to talk or come near them, nevermind touch them

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status? Neither, the little trash racoon

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat? Much more likely to remove a problem/threat

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)? Do Khajiit count? xD @lontau

How does your character treat people in service jobs? With the respect they deserve for doing these hard boring unadventerous jobs so that others can roam free

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first? She definitely assumes she deserves all she wants, and she has few qualms about presuming to take it too. Granted, these are things like hugs and snacks for the most part

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them? Nerla’do, a Khajiit veteran adventurer and older sister to Ro’ranno, and Astara, Matron of the Gold Coast Sanctuary, both fill different aspects of mother-like roles

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them? Dindom, the Bosmer child she and Ro’ranno adopted

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it? It is very easy for them to say it but they will never say it when they don’t mean it

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them? She believes she will go to the Hunting Grounds but recently she’s decided she’d rather go travel the Sands Behind The Stars with Ro’ranno

[nellie-elizabeth]

Arrow: Star City 2040 (7x16)

This episode is going to be hard to give a number at the end, because I think it had tons of problems, but it also contained so many things I've been waiting for, and really escalated the story.

Cons:

I remember when William first found Roy on the island, I was so, so excited to see him. He's been one of my favorite characters from day one. And I still love Roy, but he's ridiculously underutilized in this story. He's just kinda... there. Nobody's talking about Thea, which is weird, and also he doesn't seem to add any additional skills or insight that wasn't already being provided by Dinah or any of the other characters. I'm so happy to see him, I just wish he had more to do!

Did I miss something about Connor that I'm supposed to know? He's John and Lyla's son, right? Why does he keep talking about being "adopted" by his parents? This isn't really a complaint, I suppose... maybe someone can fill in the missing gaps for me.

I don't want to be overly critical of the visual effects on this show, because... well, come on. But I do have to mention that the "twenty years later" thing is kind of hilarious, when you've got Dinah, Rene, and Roy looking significantly older, and then Felicity has a haircut and very slight crow's feet that you can only see on close-up shots. And William should be in his mid-thirties, but he's playing the character like he's in his twenties, and doesn't seem all that older than Mia. I'm just saying, they could have worked a little harder to be consistent about these things.

Pros:

But finally, things are heating up! The whole team is together, Rene has come to his senses, they've found Felicity, and they're taking on Galaxy One, fighting bad guys, saving the city, and looking cool while doing it. After weeks and weeks of little flash-forward snippets with several reveals all building up to... something, it's great to finally start in on the something.

This episode did a lot for Mia's character. I'm glad that this episode chose to slow down at certain points and really focus on her development. She grew up isolated, raised by Felicity, alone and without Oliver, training to defend herself but not allowed to really explore the outside world. (Side note: it was AMAZING to see Nyssa again, if only for a second. I hope we see more of her very, very soon). Felicity is doing the age-old thing where she hides information from her child "for her own good," and ends up causing a rift in their relationship as a result. There are a couple of reasons why this somewhat cliche plot element doesn't annoy me, though. For one, how often do we see mother/daughter relationships get this much focus in a genre show? I'm so happy that we're exploring the intricacies of Felicity and Mia's dynamics. Secondly, Felicity's paranoia feels earned. We all know what she's gone through over the years, and we also know that obviously something big happened that either killed Oliver, or at least separated them semi-permanently. It makes sense that Felicity would go too far to protect her daughter, just like Oliver has done so many times to protect the people he loves.

There was also a great sort of thesis statement in this episode, about what it means to be a hero. Mia scapegoats vigilantes, buying in to the propaganda and blaming vigilantes for her isolated upbringing and her broken family. And when it comes down to it, Felicity chooses to remain in danger to save Star City, instead of escaping with Mia. Mia is justified in being a little bit pissed off by this, but ultimately, with Connor's help, she's able to realize that her mother is a hero, despite some less-than-ideal parenting decisions.

Another relationship that got a good deal of development here was Mia and William's. I like seeing their sibling bond begin. William is clearly so happy to have a sister, and Mia can't lie to herself either: she cares about William. It was smart to show that Mia, while always a bad-ass, wasn't always so cold and intense. That's a consequence of her rift with her mother, and being around William is slowly starting to defrost her. I really liked that. I think my favorite "sibling" moment was when William flirted with the evil Galaxy One business guy, and Mia made fun of him for it. That was just hilarious. I was really hoping William would need to seduce the guy to save the day, but alas they went for the action-oriented climax instead of comedy.

I honestly think it was quite smart that Oliver was barely in this episode. The entire thing takes place in the flash-forwards, except for book-ended scenes. One shows Felicity giving birth to Mia, and then Oliver and Felicity leaning over their new baby. And then at the end, we see Felicity create "Archer," the supercomputer security system that she's been toying with all season. I hope that this episode was the catalyst that will speed up the pace for the remainder of the season, because I'm really excited about a lot of these plot points, and I don't want it to all get lost in the shuffle!

8/10