#I’m just a little bit worried
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you know what guys. after this whole thing goes down, i hope we get the ACTUAL kamiyama school festival and it is a very good comparison to the first one. where we can see clearly how much mizuki has grown since that first event in january 2021, since that first school festival in middle school.
and i hope mizuki gets to have fun with her friends and can hang out with ena. and i hope ena has fun too. i hope she gets to tease akito, forge bonds with her classmates at the fried squid stall, and hopefully get roped into a dumb show with the oddballs 1 2. i hope this is ena’s pandemonium. i hope we all can have a little bit of joy and whimsy while getting to see how much the gang’s lives have changed at this point.
and i hope rui is a little worried for mizuki — i sincerely hope he is somewhere in mizu5, quietly waiting by the rooftop like he always has for her. but by the end of the schoolfes event he can look at mizuki, her whole face bright as all eight students in our little kamikou main cast gang come down from the rooftop (for one last time maybe, but we don’t talk about graduation in front of rui… unless ofc we bring it up this event) and he can say “you’ve come such a long way, haven’t you, mizuki? i’m happy for you.”
#project sekai#karamell yells#mizuki akiyama#ena shinonome#rui kamishiro#mizu5#sorry for making this sort of about rui. will not happen again#I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THE KAMIYAMA HIGH FESTIVAL EVENT#and i will elaborate on the graduation thing btw#@ lunchtime i came with this wholeee scenario#rui’s a lil bit worried about mizuki after whatever happens in mizu5#and is all ‘oh boy i hope she’s enjoying today’#and cough okay i stole this bit from honakana wedding BUT#tsukasa’s like ‘well rui. you know what time it is’#‘its our last school festival rui. we need to make sure everyone’s having fun!#tis the duty of us seniors HAHAHAHA ok so blah blah blah’#and just ig. kidnaps ena for a little bit#phantom thief style. she is so confused but plays along#and mizuki and rui (and the other 2nd years) get to go around the school to look for them#over time rui kind of realises ‘hm. actually. mizuki is having so much fun right now… wow the power of companionship :)’#and ofc the final destination is that rooftop#and rui lets the 2nd years go in front of him and watches them…. and is all ‘wow. i might never get to do this again.#i’m so glad we get to be connected like this :)’#blah blah. wholesome ending. blah………..#what a ramble hey#but tis my duty as chairwoman of rui#a friend of his is a favourite of mine#cough SORRY AGAIN
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❝I have licked the fire and danced in the ashes of every bridge I ever burned. I fear no hell from you.❞
Cora Sophie Marren aka 𝙻𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚎 𝙼𝚘𝚒𝚛𝚊; a walking disaster ☾ ─── ⋆ 32-year-old reincarnation of a witch who roams America (and the world) in search for answers. Constantly running away from her past. In the perpetual company of shadowy women that no one can see or hear but her. She is addicted to the pleasures of life and spends most of her time in bars and clubs on the hunt for the next drink or pill that will make her forget the presence of her spirits.
21+ - MDNI!, crossover and multiverse-friendly, Smalltalk Deeptalk+Plots, mutuals only, low to semi activity, currently 𝙾𝙿𝙴𝙽 for Plotting. Crafted for but not limited to FakeVZ. ⸻ CARRD
𝚊 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚍𝚢 𝚒𝚗 : ⋆ witchcraft ⋆ ghosts ⋆ jobhopping ⋆ drgs ⋆ childhood trauma ⋆ trust issues ⋆ chaos ⋆ abuse ⋆ twin-brother ⋆ violence ⋆ knives ⋆ crime ⋆ pickpocketing ⋆
#witch rp#supernatural rp#userfakevz#tag dump:#You can't start a fire worrying about your little world falling apart. ⸻ Promo#Everything you can imagine is real. ⸻ my Edits#Just a bit aggressive but that‘s not setting the world on fire. ⸻ Lilianne Moira#My body - my rules. ⸻ BodyMods#You underestimate my power. ⸻ Coralynn Smyth#Never trust the living. ⸻ Ghosts#Sometimes home is a person. ⸻ Lovis Dabos#Trashtalk ⸻ Die TRUPPE#Twins are miracles who come in pairs. ⸻ J.B.M.#Witchy af. ⸻ Aes#It’s all fun and games until someone cries. ⸻ Games#I used to think I knew all the answers. Now I’m not even sure I understand the questions. ⸻ Q&A#If chaos is a work of art then my heart is a masterpiece. ⸻ Something to read#Try me. I. Dare. You. ⸻ Starters#Are monsters born or created? ⸻ Memes&Threads#I trust the next chapter because I know the author. ⸻ Answers#Just for your information. ⸻ OOC
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mittens !!!! pattern X - i modified a bit because my yarn was a bit more thick, so i shortned a few rows of the colorwork & added the burnt orange details instead :)
#remember when i posted almost a month ago about a friend that commissioned some mittens#?#so yeah the one i was making initially turned out fine i suppose#i even posted the picture here#but the i noticed the sizing wasn’t right & the yarn i was using was sooo annoying to work it i just couldn’t get it right... it was also#like dyed like ombré? & the colors were a bit off. like each mitt had a different color like the weren’t even a pair...#but i was insisting too much like i undid & knitting that thing like +10 times#knitted*#so i decided so grab some yarn that i like for my mittens & that i’m already familiar with & found this pretty pattern & so!! ta-da!!#it’s so much nicer than the other one. also my friend wasn’t that specific & gave me a lot of liberty do to whatever#she gave me a general idea of the colors she liked so these are perfect#also the inspo pics she sent me all had this kinda fair isle design but at first i was a little intimidated so i barely did it on that one#first mitten that i had posted. so i’m glad i tried a diff pattern a managed to make these!!!!#anyway that’s basically what my month was all about lol worrying abt the mitts then finally finding a solution#also i got a commission from a instagram mutual to crochet a bag with that little sleepy snoopy design on it!! i’ve seen it on tumblr a few#times now & i’m excited to finish this project & finally get to it!! already bought the yarn & it’s so pretty#SO MANY TYPOS SORRY#girl knits world#knitting
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I’m going to make an effort not to mention Good Omens Season 2 on this blog at all in the weeks to come. But like most of us I’m on Tumblr at least partly for the fandoms and this is my top one since Steven Universe ended. Tomorrow is the big day so if I seem distracted for a while you know why. Aaaaa it’s almost here!
😇 😈
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✨New Commissions!⭐️🚙💎
A single full-color character with two props for $25!
✨Now on Ko-Fi!✨
#by popular demand a new commish option!#I’m a sucker for props can you tell#it’s a little bit of a mix of the mini and card a little inbetween#and I recently got a new brush from some lovely discord pals and I’ve been wanting to give it a test run#commissions#so hope this is more accessible and needless to say any option you get it super appreciated!#and any one who’s already gotten one you’re amazing 💛#and def no worries if you can’t just liking my art and sticking around is plenty support already ✨
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thinking about this post i saw the other week where this person was saying how badly they wanted to be able to buy a nice mug without thinking twice about it. and all the comments were saying how they could just buy a cheaper mug. and they were like jesus fucking christ ITS NOT ABOUT THE MUG. because yeah
#i’m so fucking. Exhausted#having to so carefully budget every single dollar#and feeling like a failure if i want to get like. some fancy cookies or something#or a nice blanket#and i am paying back my debt but also taking on more every year#and i personally don’t even feel that bad about it. like as long as i can afford the monthly payments idc#but then i see like three million tiktok/youtube videos shaming people who have less debt than i do#and im like. well ok.#like i am Trying idk what else to say😭#but i don’t want to try this hard like i’m not strong enough#i don’t have the work ethic or desire to scrape every penny into my savings like.#i just want to be able to buy fun things and see my friends#not even like. anything crazy expensive😭#i want to go out to a bar for karaoke without feeling guilty about the drink prices#it’s just. sooooo fucking frustrating and i’m worried it won’t ever end#sorry for the rant i am just spiraling a little bit😭#i’ll probably delete later#like i am Fine and actually doing really well rn#but i am so sick of not being able to afford to eat#and even when i start getting paid i still have to be so so so careful with my money#which i am. historically not good at doing#UGH#sorry😭#will delete#personal
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I just think it would be cool if Zelda could come back from her Light Dragon form but like,,, a little fucked up. Like whoops she was a dragon for too long and now she still has some of those traits/features and it’s probably a bit jarring for everyone to get used to, especially her.
#yes I’m drawing this don’t worry#she’d be like a little bit taller. tall wife#Link would be like ??? but he’s chill about it because now his gf is even cooler#I could go the body horror route and I might#i just wanna draw a weird little half dragon half Hylian Zelda#zelda totk#totk#light dragon
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not so gentle reminder I am nonbinary and use they/them pronouns and don’t appreciate heavily gendered language in reference to me. I hate deleting comments on my posts or blocking people over small comments but tumblr is a space I work very hard to keep safe for myself and I’m tired of having to put in so much extra work to keep it that way
#I truly don’t know why this keeps happening. it’s in my bio. the lesbian flag does not mean I’m a girl please stop assuming that#please just check people’s bios it takes TWO seconds and saves me so much stress and hurt#I am trans nb and it’s already exhausting enough dealing with being misgendered irl all day long so please. please just do this for me#so I can relax after work and on weekends and not have to worry about my gender for just a little bit
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no matter how much my life is improving, i still feel empty and alone
#i got a new job#i like it so far but i thought it would make me happier#it has a little bit i still just feel.. strange#like it isn’t enough#i’m lonely#it’s hard to make friends and i don’t know what to do anymore#i want a boyfriend#i just want someone who cares about me and accepts me#i miss freddy but he hasn’t talked to me in years#i miss the way he made me feel#i worry i’ll never have that again#its still hard to move on because i haven’t experienced anything since#i miss having friends#doing things#life is so lonely#i want to have fun#i want to go out a d have dinner or a picnic avd play in the grass and swing on swing sets#but my life is passing by and i’m still alone#and i’m sad#no matter how much money i make or clothes i buy make me feel better#i just feel worse#because it’s not meaningful#i just want to find something that gives my life meaning#i want love#i want to be in love#but i am starting to wonder if im just unlovable#anyways i’m just yapping cause i have no one to talk to
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my senior dog had to be sedated today for some x-rays and i know that it can take 12-24 hours for them to go back to normal after being sedated but the fact that she’s still having trouble walking is stressing me out so bad rn
#plus side is no cancer! just bad arthritis#but the arthritis is why i’m so worried about her not walking 😭#i did get her moving around for a little bit & she ate her dinner + drank a lot of water#so i’m just trying to wait the full 24hrs before i really freak out#dee.txt
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god i cannot wait to be off these steroids…
#marzi speaks#marzivents#<- it’s late n i’m kinda pent up abt this#i’m so TIRED of themmmm#i’m probs gonna be on them for the rest of the year. which SUCKSSS#i don’t like how many ppl comment on the moon face#i don’t mind it. like i look in a mirror and i’m okay.#it’s a little weird. but like. just because it’s different. like getting used to a new haircut#but every time i see someone for the first time in a bit it’s ‘woah your face got rounder’#and i have to go ‘oh yeah it’s water retention- steroids thing it’ll go away when i’m able to go off ‘em’#and they go ‘oh alright :) you still look good btw don’t worry’#and i just. i HATE how people talk about it!! like jfc. it’s so clear that they think it’s like kinda sad#my dad said he thinks it’s cute and he’s the only one i actually think is telling the truth there#my mom and i agree that it doesn’t matter. but even then she tries to tell me not to panic#like a little extra squish in my face is something to panic over#it’s so clear that so many people see it as another thing to pity#oh poor thing. has that chronic illness for the rest of her life. and the steroids made her jaw look rounder :(#like jfc i knew fatphobia was prevalent but come the fuck on. literally i’m like barely retaining water for steroids too#like. i’m still very much skinny (i JUST finished being malnourished ffs) but bc i’m retaining water in my face#now ppl feel the need to comfort me. over this tiny cosmetic thing that does not matter#like. i wouldn’t feel weird abt it if it weren’t for everyone else making it such a THING. why is everyone so weird about it#i’m not insecure about it but when ppl try to comfort me or go ‘it’s not that bad’ it makes me feel like i’m SUPPOSED to be insecure abt it#and it drives me NUTS. bc there are things about being on steroids that i would love to be comforted about#but the water retention is not one of them. i couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the water retention#y’know what i’d like to be comforted over? the mood swings. the irritability. the insomnia. the appetite fluctuation#the slow healing of skin. thinning and dryness in the skin. having to take like 3 other medications alongside the steroid#bc taking the steroid causes side effects that need to be medically treated or prevented#even outside of the steroid! i’d like some comfort about having to build back my stamina from scratch#i’d like some comfort about having the worst balance i’ve had in years#there’s. more to this. but i’m out of tags. maybe i’ll make some replies idk. i’m just. UGH
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i am struggling soooo much with this reader’s personality someone save me from this hell….
#SIGHHHHHHH#not only do i have to worry abt merguru’s characterization….. 😭😭#but also . the reader’s#i have their whole backstory & fears planned out in my head but#…….. i’m kinda stuck . on the personality#i want them to be a bit like a butler type………#very . happy to be of service? or just chill & laidback?? kind of???#but they very much Do have a connection to merguru that would realistically make them a little obsessive i think…..#T_T#for some reason . it’s really hard to make all the pieces fall into place#and i feel like i can’t actually sit down and write unless everything is in order….#sigh……..#ari noises ✩
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question for the fanfic readers (and writers) who are out here working full time jobs:
how/when do you make time to read/write fanfics?
my tendency to read fanfics late at night will not be such a good idea when i’m out of school and working in the real world, when i can’t just say fuck it and show up with only a few hours of sleep.
#sincerely someone who will be working an internship where i’ll be starting at 7:30 every morning#which means i’ll be waking up around 6 every day#and therefore cannot stay up until midnight reading fanfics like i’ve been doing a lot#but i still need my silly little fanfics to get through the day#and i would like the reassurance that that is still possible even when working full time#and like realistically i know i can carve out time in my day to read fanfics but like nighttime is me time#and therefore fanfic time. which is a bad habit to have really#my sleep schedule is so fucked up#oh and also while taking care of household stuff like cleaning/cooking/laundry. forgot to mention that bit#i’m also worried that if i start reading a fanfic in the morning i just won’t get anything done that day bcuz i’ll want to just read said#fanfic…that has happened before. multiple times. so it’s a valid concern#fanfics#ao3#archive of our own#fanfic#fanfiction#fandom#reinanova rambles
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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me waiting for my writer’s block to fuck off and leave me alone so i can finish this chapter:
#my creativity is just so dead rn and it makes me want to crawl out of my own skin#i’ve been waiting MONTHS to finally have a little bit of free time to breathe and catch up on writing stuff#and naturally now that i have i am so mentally and emotionally drained i can barely string a sentence together#i feel so distant and detached from my characters#and yes i know it’ll pass#but i just feel so caught in this headspace rn and needed to vent#i’m SO close to finishing this chapter for good but i have well and truly fallen at the final hurdle#the perfectionism has got me#ugh#also if anyone reading this is worried about four walls being updated#please don’t#i literally circle through this headspace every single chapter#and it hasn’t stopped me yet#(and it never will either. i couldn’t give up on this fic if i tried)#but it’s just hitting me particularly hard this last week#why is writing such an agonising process sometimes#anyway#enough rambling from me for one night#i’ll drag myself back to my laptop and see if i can work some magic#wish me luck#writing stuff#lulu posts
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hey i’m proud of you for being open about your desires, sadomasochism is healthy and when done safely it is fun and hot and a great way to do fetish stuff! i hope you find someone safe to explore that stuff with <3 !
thank you anon I love you anon. really I think a lot of My Issues with navigating sadomasochism aren’t about the kink itself or even that it’s a kink that I have, they’re more with the fact that my being into it feels like a bit of a betrayal, yeah? like I’ve loved scary shit my whole entire life, I’ve made some of my best friends in the world bonding over scary shit. n naturally that comes with people harassing you n your friends, often when you’re too young to even know what they’re talking about, because the way you dress or the music you listen to or the movies you like are all somehow an indicator that you’re some sort of Sex Murderer being barely restrained by the bounds of polite society. I’ve had friends bullied off the internet very very early in our teenage years for allegedly being into kinks they’d never even heard of. so of course when I get older n I start discovering this part of myself it’s really alarming — not because I believe all the crazy shit that’s being said about hardcore kinksters, but because I can no longer say “hey, it’s ok, none of us are sex freaks here.” because now it feels a bit like I’m selling my friends n really my scene as a whole out by being the Fucked Up One even though I Know that’s total bullshit, n I know there’s plenty of us, n that there’s nothing even inherently wrong with being a sex freak in the first place. but even with those complicated feelings I’ve realized like, I can’t talk a big game about being pro kink unless I stop being a little loser baby about my own kinks yknow. I can’t keep being so accepting towards others while simultaneously being so hard on myself. the only way out for me is to unlearn all that, n that starts with oversharing in my tumblr dot com tags I guess _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):_
#putting this next semi rant in tags bc it’s A Lot#but there’s also a History Of Violence within my family n that really complicates it all too#my grandfather was a serial killer. n I don’t think I can ever be turned on by violence without thinking just a little bit about that#he poisoned people. it was a manipulation thing. it was about getting ‘sick’ people relying on him#which is thankfully not even remotely close to what I’m into#so I guess that’s a bit of a relief. but it’s still a relief that I can’t really ever be fully confident in#it’s not like we were far removed either. there’s a big picture of him at my grandma’s house. he used to write me poems from jail#like it or not. mo matter how much I wish I didn’t. I Know Him#I know Serial Killer Genes are pseudoscientific bullshit. but part of me is worried there’s a bit of him in me#I don’t know. I hope not#sanswers#god. so sorry about all that . I really do appreciate the message I just think I needed to get all that off my chest yeah#been going through A Lot n frankly this is the least of it. but it was nice to talk about#so thank you for giving me the opportunity to
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