#I’m here to prevent fires today lol

[doriansbutt]

I’ve played thru da4 5 times now and have ~200 hrs in the game and have played it almost every day this month and now i have a rly busy week at work and can’t play til like Friday what the heck am i gonna do w myself

[soundwave-macaque]

Shadowpeach bioparent AU incorrect quotes

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Macaque: So I’m the only one around here who can clean up, huh? You can't even lift a finger? Wukong: Do I get to pick the finger?

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Wukong: The wee-woo thingy? MK: THE FIRE ALARM!?

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Wukong: I like to play this game called nap roulette. I take a nap and don’t set an alarm. Will it be 20 min or 4 hours? Nobody knows. It’s risky and I like it.

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Wukong: Guess what number I’m thinking of. Macaque: 420? Wukong: No, that’s really immature of you. Someone else guess, and please take this seriously. MK: 69. Wukong: Yeah it was 69.

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Macaque: MK got into a fight. Wukong: That’s bad. Wukong: Wukong: Did he win?

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Redson: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you… MK: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

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Redson: I prevented a murder today. MK: Really? That’s amazing! How did you do that? Redson: Self-control.

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Wukong: When I get Doordash I order 20 Cheeseburgers at a time and heat them up throughout the week so that I don’t have to pay the delivery fee multiple times. Macaque: I hope you understand how food poisoning works. Wukong: I hope food poisoning understands how I work. I never met a burger i couldn’t eat.

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Wukong: Why am I not the protagonist of an amazing story…? Macaque: You are, though - it’s called “your life.” Wukong: Shut the fuck up, I wanna struggle fighting demons not struggle with getting out of bed every day. Macaque: But those are your demons. Wukong: … Wukong: I am hereby naming you as the antagonist and now it is my sole job to find you and hit you in the face with a chair for that bitch-ass comment you just made.

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Redson, trying to flirt with MK: I think both of our families suck.

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Redson: It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.

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MK: Redson learned how to fold origami penguins from Macaque the other day. I told him, “I feel a little bad for the penguins, it’s hot here”, and the next day he put them in the fridge.

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Wukong: Lol. Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this. Macaque: What did you do Wukong? Wukong: a Mistake.

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Wukong: I’m this close to falling in love with Macaque. MK: Your fingertips are touching. Wukong: Exactly.

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Wukong: Do you love me? Macaque: We’re literally married. Wukong: Yeah, but as friends or—

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MK: Anybody got any crayons so I can color in my Ph. D.?

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Macaque: I need to dye my hair. MK: … Macaque: Or get another tattoo. MK: … Macaque: Or a new piercing. MK: Why? Macaque: To, you know, appease the mental breakdown gods.

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MK: What’s the straightest thing you’ve ever done? Redson: sighs Redson: I killed a man.

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MK: We all have our demons. Wukong, grabbing Macaque: This one’s mine!

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Wukong: We all have our demons. MK, grabbing Redson: This one’s mine!

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MK: sneaking in through their window Wukong: turning in their chair and flicking the light one You want to tell me where you've been all night? MK: I was with Macaque? Macaque: turning in their chair Wanna try again?

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Macaque: Sorry I can’t be emotionally vulnerable with you it’d ruin the mystery.

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[voidofthevoidmv]

So I was reading through some of my old unfinished fanfic stuffs and google docs- And I found this gem that I apparently finished. It was made back when I was REALLY REALLY INVESTED in the Invader Zim fandom and I had just finished binge reading the official comics. I’m not sure if it’s all in character but I figured I’d post it anyways because if I don’t some of this stuff would never see the light of day again lol. So enjoy if you can- Lol.

D-> Dib

G-> Gaz

M-> Membrane

Z-> Zim

In which Dib is spiteful to prove a point:

*We pan to the membrane household living room, where Gaz and Dib both seem to occupy at the moment. Dib is sitting lax on the couch while Gaz stands over to the side clearly fuming.*

G: “So you're just… Letting Zim take over the world?... JUST to prove a point?”

D: “... Mmm. Yerp. Sounds about right.”

G: “Oh. Um. Ok, whatever. The world is in chaos so I assumed you would be… Out there. Fighting Zim. And stuff.”

D: “Well not today. You said that Zim plans will always just backfire on themselves anyways and my efforts don't actually prevent anything. So, I figured, let's test that theory.”

G: “... Uh huh... Whatever. Just don't stink up the place with your sweaty anxiousness to save the world.”

D: “Oh I'm not worried. Once you admit that Zim is a real threat to humanity, then I'll go save the world.”

*Outside, a giant flaming meteor could be seen plummeting to earth accommodated by screams- Buildings on fire, and Zim leading an army of giant robots smashing anything. Gaz looks and sits on the couch next to dib.*

G: “Ok then…”

D: “Let's put on something to watch, yeah? You can pick, for old times sake.”

*Gaz flicks through the channels, but all of them are nationwide emergencies- Ranging from China to Egypt, to England, to places all around the world- All in a panic and the world on fire. Dib continues to sip juice.”

D: “Huh. Would you look at that, it's gonna rain tomorrow. Maybe that'll put a damper on all these TEMPORARY fires happening all over the place…”

G: “I know what you're doing Dib but it's not going to work. I bet you're ITCHING to go out there and beat that alien guy to kingdom come. But I'm not changing my mind. A little measly fire never hurt anyone…”

D: “Whatever you say Gaz. I’m actually pretty content here. Yep. Not gonna be moving for a loooong time…”

G: “...”

D: “...”

*Screams continue in the background. Gaz walks away for a few seconds before coming back with a soda. She splashes it on her brother.*

D: “HEY! Why would you do that!? Now I'm all sticky… You got it all over the couch…”

G: “Just checking if you were a robot. So. You really aren't going to do ANYTHING about Zim’s invasion?”

D: “Nope.”

G: “People are dying out there.”

D: “Not my problem. It'll all die down anyways and be forgotten, just like you said.”

G: “This is a new level of petty, even for you.”

D: “I'm not being petty. I'm proving a point. Now, unless you plan on admitting your wrong, move on with the subject- It's not a big deal.”

*Suddenly, Membrane burst through the door, decked out in a gas mask and holding two mini hazmat suits in their size. He slams the door shut, initiating lockdown protocol.*

M: “CHILDREN! THERE APPEARS TO BE A BIG DEAL GOING ON!!! It would seem that the government has FINALLY fallen to Terrorists of the outer space kind! They are here to enslave us to do their bidding- But do not worry. As long as we stay here, we SHOULD be safe from their MIND CONTROLLING radiation waves.”

G: “Don't you not believe in aliens and stuff Dad? Dib, you're seeing this right?”

M: “Ah Gazlene, my poor poor impressionable daughter- It would seem that your brother's insane ramblings have gone to your head. Of COURSE they don't exist! NOT SCIENTIFICALLY POSSIBLE! No no no, Space terrorists are a different concept entirely.”

G: “Dib. Aren't you going to say something?”

D: “What for? There isn't an alien threat going on AT ALL, remember Gaz? Space Terrorists are different.”

M: “Good to know you are coming to your senses, Son. Maybe soon you can return to the labs alongside your father?”

D: “Not a chance dad.”

M: “I predicted as much.”

G: “Ok. NO. This is all WRONG.”

D: “I don't think so. This is all gonna blow over soon anyways- No intervention needed.”

M: “Rational thinking my dear son, perhaps you can be the first to take your portion of beans…”

*Suddenly, a giant laser beam cuts a giant hole in the ceiling, and a load of robot minions in black suits on ropes swung down. Holding guns up to their heads, the robots gesture to a cage landing from the sky next to them, attached to a chain.

R1: “Get in the cage or perish at the might of our lord and master INVADER ZIM! Failure to comply will result in immediate spontaneous combustion!”

R2: “What he said! All electronics have been deactivated!(*Membranes raised robot arms fall limp at his sides*) Surrender in peace or in PIECES!”

D: “Huh. Well this is weird. Reminds me of the good old days of saving the world from a nonexistent threat… Oh well. It's not like it matters, It'll all work itself out in the end… Unless it doesn't…”

M: “The good have fallen, whatever will become of us all…”

G: “Dib! This isn't FUNNY anymore! Stop being a spiteful bump on a log and do something like you usually do!”

D: “What is there to do? Zim isn't a threat to anybody, so I shouldn't bother trying to stop him! Unless you admit otherwise, I'm going to assume it'll all blow over soon. Just. Like. You. Said.”

*The three of them end up going into the cage, which is now lifted up by a giant robot drone, heading towards a giant alien tower in the distance. Many cages could be seen heading that way- With pigs, humans, and bicycles. They soon reach the top floor, a throne room. They are brought to the front to be inspected by Zim, who was decked out in royal gear.*

Z: “Hello filthy humans! What a surprise- No effort from the Dib human this time it seems? Have you finally come to terms with how INFERIOR you are and surrendered your planet to ME?”

D: “Sure. Whatever. How about it Gaz, let's humor the idea! It's not like he can ACTUALLY win…”

M: “Hmmm… That green space terrorist looks oddly familiar…”

Z: “Good good! Excellent! Just had to clear that up before I- You know- ENSLAVE YOU!”

G: “Dib. Do something!”

D: “It'll be fine Gaz- He's going to screw up eventually! I already told you, I'm not going to do anything! Unless of course…”

G: “No. I refuse to even THINK about it! This is all just dumb luck- I will admit to n o t h i n g!”

D: “Ok. Your choice.”

Z: “Away with you now- your human stink is making my throne room reek- Try to enjoy the last few moments of your home planet that you can- BEFORE I SEND ALL HUMANS INTO SPACE INSIDE A GIANT GIFT BASKET FOR THE TALLEST! So uh, yeah, away with you…”

D: “Haha, imagine if that works- Too bad nobody would have been there to protect the planet!”

G: “Your. So. DEDICATED. To this bit AREN'T YOU…”

D: “Very.”

*The cage they are in is now seen being flown over to, you guessed it, a giant spaceship shaped like a wicker gift basket, hundreds upon millions of people in cages stacked inside. A large crane drone thingie could also be seen precariously placing a bow on it. Even so, Dib continued to seem indifferent, Sharing some tea with his dad and Gaz’s eyes were wide with anger and terror. Then she faces the two of them.*

G: “Arrrghhh… FINE DIB! I admit it- Your KINDA important when it comes to saving the world from Zim and junk! And I GUESS Zim can SOMETIMES be a threat to Earth for real. I admit it- Are you happy? Are you HAPPY now? Huh? HUH? Now so help me- If you do not get us out of here and fix all this Zim dookie- I WILL DESTROY YOU PERSONALLY MYSELF!…”

D: “Oh… Well, alrighty then, if you really insist Gaz…! Now that that's decided- I should probably go do my job now.”

G: “Erg, I wouldn't say JOB…”

M: “Son? Son! SON!? What are you doing!?”

*Dib, already managing to unlock the cage with ease, pulled a cord on his coat sleeve and kinda turned it into a sort of wingsuit. He turned his head to face the two family members dramatically*

D: “I'm doing what I always do… Saving the world from that ALIEN MENACE!”

M: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

*Later… Dib could be seen dusting off his hands with a grin on his face and soot smeared all over his face. His trench coat could be seen still smoldering as the clouds seemed to dissipate in under a few seconds, revealing the usual red sunny sky as if nothing bad happened. His surroundings were a wreck and behind him, Zims castle base thing could be seen collapsing into a pile of rubble.*

D: “Haha, a job well done! Point one for the human race… Point nothing to Zim! All is right once again…”

G: “Whatever…”

M: “To think- I had FINALLY been getting through to him… But alas, his insanity has returned…”

Z: *Pops out of nowhere from the rubble near dib* "HahahaHAHA! Victory for ZIM! That'll show the GAZ BEAST TO UNDERESTIMATE THE THREAT THAT IS ME!!!"

D: "Zi- Wait, stop, stop, shut up, shut up, she can still hear you idiot-"

G: "What are you guys on about now… Wait… You… Him…"

Z: "Oh yes! What a FANTASTIC PLAN IT WAS TOO! Of course, the part where I- The great and mighty Zim loses could use some weakling might need some work- But-"

G: *At this point, Gaz is fuming- Teeth clenching causing sparks to fly- All while Dib attempted to shut the ignorant alien up- But unfortunately everything seemed to be falling into place. Slowly, Gaz turns to Dib- Stiffly pointing at the two boys in front of her. "You two… All this… TO TRICK ME into thinking you guys were VALID in some way-"

D: "Gaz- I can explain-"

Z:"Yes that is exactly what happened- Because it's true! Zim is something to be FEARED-"

G: "I don't want to hear it. I'm giving you both 5 seconds to run."

D: "Wait- WAIT-"

Z: "NOPE!" *Shoves Dib out of the way and breaks into a run- Dib looks up only to find his little sister- Her gaze is cold enough to cause the next ice age. Dib screwed up.*

Later that night….

M: "Hmmm… I wonder where my dear children have run off to… Hopefully it has nothing to do with all that craziness about aliens and bigfeets…"

*Enter Gaz, smudged with dirt and grass, while dragging a large shovel behind her.*

M: “My my Gazleen, you're looking awfully dirty- Have you been roughhousing again?”

G: “Gardening. Getting rid of some WEEDS.”

M: “That’s wonderful! I’m glad you’re branching out and thinking of the planet!”

[nerdypanda3126]

Playing with Fire – Ch. 10

Hiii! lol this story isn't dead or abandoned, I promise! 😁 Huge thanks to @verfound for the eternal bog conversation 😆 and to @mintaka14 for betaing this chapter! 💖

Jagged catches up with Tom and Sabine, Marinette and Luka start their search, and Juleka has an unexpected visitor.

Read on Ao3

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As Jagged made his way through the little town on the way to Luka’s tower, he noticed instantly that something was wrong. 

For one thing, the bakery was closed. 

And for another, not one person asked him about his new mandolin, or told him to stop playing. 

Everyone just seemed… jumpy. On edge. Watching each other out of the corner of their eyes. 

He stashed his mandolin on his back and shoved his way into the bakery door, despite it being closed. Tom and Sabine had never had an issue with his visits, considering he was a regular, one of the King’s Wizards, and always bought huge quantities of their bread. 

Instead of the bright, booming laugh he’d come to expect, though, he was greeted by Tom’s big hands shoving him back out. 

“No bread today,” he growled, “just like yesterday and the day before that. Not until the people of this town apologize.” 

“Wait, whoa, hold up!” Jagged yelled as he stuck his hands and feet in the doorway to prevent being shoved out. There was a harsh crack of wood behind him and he groaned as he realized his brand new mandolin was probably broken at the neck. Again. “I’m here as a friend!” 

The hands pushing him out were pulled away and Jagged turned his head to look. Tom had taken two huge steps back and was rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. 

“Sorry, there, Jagged, I guess I thought…” 

Jagged relaxed and slipped the mandolin from around his neck to assess the damage. Snapped completely in half, strings ripped apart… geez, how much brute strength did the guy have anyways? Luckily he knew the repair spell by heart and he forced the wood back together to perform it. 

“Now then,” he said when he finished, “what’s going on in this town?” 

Sabine scuttled forward with a cup of tea and she laid a hand on Tom’s arm as she set the cup on the table and invited Jagged to sit. He waved her off and the couple shared an uncomfortable look. 

“Marinette was here,” Sabine started carefully, “...with Luka.” 

Jagged snorted. “Well, that explains a lot.” 

“It does?” 

“Sure, great leapin’ lizard shows up outta nowhere. ‘Course people are scared.” 

“Well, no, he wasn’t… he looked human, it was just…” 

“He’s not,” Jagged completed simply. “And people don’t like what they don’t understand. Can’t understand.” His own brow furrowed with the thought. Wizards hadn't been all that acceptable at first, either, until the King realized they were useful. Still left a bitter taste in Jagged's mouth. 

“There was some sort of stand off in the town square,” Sabine continued. “They both escaped, but the townspeople… well…” 

“They formed a bloody mob and went after them!” Tom thundered. Sabine laid a hand on his forearm and he quieted. 

“We tried to explain, it was out of self-defense, but no one would listen to us.” 

“Then they wanted bread the next day like they hadn’t just gone after my family,” Tom growled.  

"Wait, they went after them?" Jagged asked, his attention snapping back to Sabine. "What do you mean 'they went after them'? What happened?" 

Tom let out a little snort of laughter and sat to cover his chortles. It made Jagged feel somewhat better that he was laughing and not distraught, but the question remained. 

"They weren't there," Sabine explained, with a fond sidelong glance to Tom. "We went up with them to try to do something, or convince someone. They'd already left, but—"

"My daughter's a genius," Tom managed between laughs. 

"The townspeople heard one wail and ran. Turns out Marinette had strung some armor up. When the wind blew through it, it sounded like some sort of moan, and it made the townspeople think the tower was cursed." 

Jagged blinked at Sabine, then at Tom, who was still laughing. Sabine just shrugged, smiling a little, and finally Jagged let out a whooping laugh. 

"That's my little baker's girl!" He nudged Tom's shoulder good-naturedly and they fell into laughing together. When they finally stopped, Jagged had to wipe some tears from his eyes. "I can definitely work with that," he said, grinning. Sabine and Tom exchanged a nervous, knowing look. 

"No enchanted bogs, Jagged." 

"I would never—that was—" Jagged spluttered indignantly. "That was one time!" 

"Once was enough, thank you," Sabine said curtly. He rolled his eyes at her and pulled out his mandolin to pluck a few lines. 

"Just because that mayor's daughter fell into it doesn't mean—" 

Sabine silenced him with a look. He couldn't help grinning, though, as he nodded and clamped his lips shut.

Later, when he made his way up to the tower, he realized what Sabine and Tom had been talking about. The air was filled with unearthly wails and moans that sounded like the dead had been raised, along with the tell-tale clink of empty armor against the trees. Through the greenery, he spotted one of Marinette's rabbit traps holding up a cuirass and he had to smile. Tom was right. Genius. 

Jagged rolled his neck and cracked his knuckles as he decided how best to enhance Marinette's plan. A few simple rune traps would add to the effect. Nothing big, just some eerie mist, maybe a spectral form here or there… When they were stepped on they would activate and the whole thing would work like a "keep out" sign for suspicious villagers. 

When he'd finished the perimeter, he stood back to admire his work, then turned his attention to the tower. Luka would've left a note, he was sure of it, explaining things. That's the way the kid was. He liked to have things buttoned up and tidied away. He would've said goodbye. 

When he did climb the tower, he found the small blue flower that Luka had left, preserved with a little bit of magic Jagged had taught him and kept in place by a stone. When he opened the note, it was blank except for the words, "Thanks for everything." 

But, thanks to the preserved flower, Jagged knew exactly what to do to find his real message. 

He crumbled the flower and blew the resulting powder into the paper. The residual magic stuck to the encoded words and shimmered a glittery blue in the fading afternoon light. 

Jagged, it read, we're headed west into the forest. I'll leave a trail for you so you can come visit wherever we end up. 

You've probably already helped Marinette with her idea. If I can ask one more thing of you, there's a trapdoor hidden in the floor in the back of this room. I'm not as skilled in magic as you are, so I couldn't protect the door with anything but a simple lock charm. I know you'll come up with something better. 

No enchanted bogs. 

Jagged rolled his eyes. Seriously it was one time! Why was everyone so focused on the one time he tried a new spell and turned the entire town into an eternal bog. It wasn't even eternal—the whole thing only lasted a month or so, although, well, the smell did linger a while longer. 

He looked around and found the door Luka had mentioned. While it would be hard to find for anyone who wasn't looking, he understood why Luka would want it protected. Those books of his were his life while he'd been here. He looked back to the note and there were only two lines left. 

Until I see you again, Luka. 

P.S. Don't worry, I'll take care of her. 

Jagged smiled as the last line thrummed with a magic Luka probably hadn't intended. He really had to teach that boy about the way love and magic so often coincided.

Although he had a feeling that Luka was starting to discover that for himself. 

***

"Dragon?" the merchant asked, rubbing his chin in thought. "No, none of those in these parts. Heard tell of one the next village over, though. 'Round a tower. King's offered some gold for its head if memory serves." 

Marinette offered him a tight-lipped smile in return as she paid, conscious of Luka's tense energy beside her. 

She turned, handed him the gloves, and pulled at his shirt to prompt him to walk away. He followed, albeit stiffly. 

"Luka, I told you already, no one knows it's you they're talking about." 

"Doesn't make it any easier," he grumbled back. But he glanced down at his forearms that were still covered in scales despite their stones and tugged the leather gloves on anyway. "Besides, I doubt anyone around here will know where to find Jules. We keep to ourselves, really, and if it hadn't been for my incident I doubt anyone would've even known dragons were still out there." 

When he held up his hands to show her what the gloves looked like on him, she glanced over them in approval, then frowned in thought and reached up to brush his hair out of his eyes. 

"Nothing we can do about these, I guess." 

"Or the teeth," he added, smirking for effect. 

“Or the teeth,” she agreed fondly. “I guess just don’t… smile at anyone for now.” 

A dry chuckle slid out from between his clenched teeth as his eyes darted around the square they were in, on guard and suspicious, taking note of the people still around them. "Not a problem, love." 

She tipped up and kissed the edge of his jaw, which surprised him enough to jar him out of his rigid paranoia and turn that soft look on her. For good measure, she brushed his hair out of his eyes again, more to trail her fingers along his cheeks and down the sides of his neck than because she wanted to see the bright blue of his eyes match the blue of the stone at his neck. 

Something ignited in his gaze as he looked at her and she blushed as she pulled her hands away. She'd never felt in danger with Luka before, but that look was definitely dangerous. 

"Come on," she muttered, lacing her fingers through his and tugging him along. "There are still some people we can ask, and maybe we can find a place to stay tonight." 

***

Juleka startled to attention as footsteps resounded in the empty space of the cave she'd hunkered down in for the time being. It wasn't as cozy as other places, but there was a village nearby that was too close for comfort and she preferred to keep her distance. Stay invisible. Stay alive. That'd been her saving grace for as long as she'd been on her own. 

Arguably, she was young for a dragon to be by herself, but without Luka to smooth the waters between them, Juleka and her mother were… inflammatory. 

She thought she'd done well enough, but the human stumbling into her cave proved her very wrong. The tiny thing looked up with bleary blue eyes under a fringe of bright blonde hair and gave Juleka a wobbly smile. 

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice weak, "I just… I'm so tired… I need to…" She didn't even finish the sentence before her knees gave out from under her and, without thinking, Juleka darted towards her to catch her with an armored claw. The sprite of a human gave her a thankful little smile, snuggled into her scales, and promptly fell asleep. 

Juleka lowered her head to check that the human was still breathing, careful not to transfer her fire. Luka's mistake had been drilled into her head and she knew—she knew—that if a dragon shared their fire they shared their life. It wasn't worth it, her mother had said, giving up the freedom of the skies for anyone or anything.

Not that Juleka wanted to. Looking at the tiny, helpless thing in her arms that she could easily swipe aside without another thought—protect herself and protect her secret—she couldn't see why a dragon would ever bother with them. If it weren't for Luka's accident, she knew he wouldn't have chosen a human. 

Still, she had to admit, the way the blonde's eyelashes fluttered in her sleep was… maybe a little cute.

[jodilin65]

THURSDAY, JANUARY 31, 2019 Stupid cock with a loud car still can’t go a day without visiting mommy and daddy but I’d say it’s definitely not living here. It just left for the night (at 6). So now it doesn’t have to make its own dinner.

Chatted with Aly earlier. She’s on the edge of the polar vortex I’m so glad we’re nowhere near. Wow, -40 degrees in Wisconsin? OMG!

Still having some itching and especially burning down there and I’m not sure why. On a list of no-nos for those with lichen sclerosis are hot chocolate and cocoa. Well, that’s what my Sugar Babies K-cups are so perhaps that’s part of why I was on fire earlier. Damn, I’m so fucking sick of my crotch torturing the shit out of me so much of the time! It’s better than yesterday, though, and I didn’t have any Sugar Babies today.

So I guess Ray realized he accidentally gave my message a thumbs up and decided to give it a thumbs down today which I replied to with a 😂. I expected to be blocked at that point but I wasn’t. Doesn’t the grumpy old fart know he can do that?

Really hoping we don’t need a new car anytime soon but the car’s ‘check engine’ light keeps coming on, suggesting something could be wrong with the transmission. As Tom said, transmissions aren’t worth fixing on older cars but if worse comes to worst, we grab a used car for three or four grand to tide us over for the rest of the time we’re in the state.

Right now my schedule is really pissing me off. I totally believe that it was not only cursed upon me not only to stop me from making money but also to make my life harder. Looks like I’m going to have to reschedule my dentist appointment though I should hit Dr. A with no problem. The question is whether or not I should in the first place. I’m thinking I might message her a week beforehand if I’m still stable and ask if I can bump her appointment up to June which is when I would have normally seen her and when my next round of blood work is due anyway. But then maybe I should go and show her my groin rash because it keeps trying to flare up as fast as I treat it, so as much as I fear medication, I’m wondering if that’s the only way to get rid of it for good. I would still worry that it’s just going to keep reoccurring so IDK.

I don’t regret the guinea pigs much at this point but I definitely regret the rats because they’re just so fucking timid. Just so, so timid. I knew better too, so why the fuck did I go and get them?

Tom was saying that in order to help him cut back on eating he’s sort of playing a game where he has only so many days to ration out only so much food. I told him he oughta pretend he’s on probation and part of its terms stipulates that he must do 10-20 minutes of programming a day or else his ass gets hauled to jail. I’m serious too, LOL. While I’ll never be on probation again, think of all the things we’d get done if we had no choice but to do it or run!

I’ve totally lost all control of my own weight. I try to take it as easy as possible on the food, and I could walk and walk all day, but the weight is definitely mine for life.

The problem is everything is bad for me because it’s either high in cholesterol, high in sodium or not good for LS.

I was so tempted to message a friend of the black bitch’s in Arizona from the Nicole account, pointing out all the ways she and her friends messed up when pretending to be from the police department, but she would only block that account, preventing me from tipping her off when it’s time to read my story, assuming she’s even alive then. She’s only four years younger than me.

Also, I absolutely cannot go to jail should they set me up. Not only for obvious reasons but I didn’t have the health issues in my 30s that I have now. Now I need daily thyroid medication which they would conveniently happen to take weeks or even months to give me, and I doubt they would give me anything for my LS or the glasses I need just to see where I’m going.

Went out walking earlier. A large woman with an old chihuahua stopped and chatted for a few seconds on Tandy and so did a very frail woman further down the street, telling me to hurry up and get my walk in since it’s going to rain tomorrow. Yes, it is! Looks like we have a rainy few days coming up, something I have mixed emotions about. The roof could leak, the place will smell of old wood since I think the attic has water damage, and the humidity will make my lungs tight because they’re not used to humid conditions. But I do like the rain otherwise and we certainly need it.

Had a weird dream that made no sense at all. I started off in a large room where a few full-size beds were laid out side by side. I was supposed to spend the night in the bed on one end by the door leading to the rest of the house or whatever it was. I was to sleep with this young woman. Nothing intimate or anything like that, it’s just where I was to sleep that night.

The girl was in her early to mid-20s and was petite with straight long dark blond hair and light eyes. As the few others that were in the room mingled about, we laid on our backs chatting with a small dog she had between us, and I smiled and said, “This is nice.”

She squeezed my hand with affection and then the girl was suddenly searching for running apparel on her laptop. I asked why she was looking at running apparel since she wasn’t into running and the girl said, “No, but you are. I want to get you something as a token of thanks.”

I told her she didn’t have to do that and showed her how solid my calves were. She poked and prodded them with her fingertips, inspecting the muscle.

Then the girl got up and packed some stuff into a bag because she was going out somewhere. As she was doing this, I said something about her cutting off the bed space and not leaving me much room the last time we slept together, so what should I do if she didn’t leave me much space that night?

“You do nothing about it because it was my space to begin with,” she told me.

Then she took off and I studied the room and decided it was ordinary-looking but stylish. I thought to myself that I might hang some things on certain sections where the walls were bare.

Then the bed turned into a car which I backed out of the spot the bed had been in and drove to the other end of the long room. So about 25 feet. Then I was worried that maybe I shouldn’t have moved the car and that the girl wouldn’t like the spot I moved it to, so I racked my brain trying to come up with a good excuse for moving there in the first place.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 30, 2019 Why are my numbers so bad lately? Been watching my sodium yet now my diastolic number is on the rise. It was a little over 80 but now it’s often between 90 and 100. My weight is up a couple of pounds too, and I can’t seem to get it back down. Oh well.

The car is now done and Tom even found another problem along the way where there was a pinched hose that was preventing antifreeze from going where it was supposed to. I’m just glad he was able to do it himself as I knew he would be! Saves us hundreds of dollars.

Speaking of something that costs hundreds but may be very worth it once we get ahead again, I was thinking of getting laser hair removal. As a woman ages, she gets hairs on her upper lip and plucking and waxing hurts, and of course you don’t want to shave them and get coarse stubble either. Nair thins the hairs but doesn’t remove them completely. The question is whether or not to buy my own laser treatment device or leave it to the pros. The pros would cost much more, of course, and it would take a minimum of four sessions, but at least I know it would be done right. Would love to have my underarms and legs done as well but that would really add up in cost so I’ll just focus on the ladystache.

Our little project junkies got new carpet today. This was an indoor project so I didn’t have to worry about hammering or power tools but there would have been a lot of door slamming as they were going in and out of their vehicle to get stuff. Fortunately, I slept through it.

So much for thinking that the rats and pigs wouldn’t hang together if I kept the rats out of the guinea pigs’ tube which I usually only give them when I’m sleeping. The rats were pissing it up on the very top level, so I washed it out and gave it back to the pigs, but sure enough, the rats quickly joined them. While it’s nice that they can get along, I had to separate the rats again because they were stealing too much food being the hoarders that they are. So they can’t live together. But it’s nice to know they can hang out together during cage cleanings.

Couldn’t find anything new to watch on Netflix other than the usual reality TV, documentaries and foreign shit with accents I’d rather not deal with and strange words with different meanings. What the hell is a “bonny” evening?

So I jumped back on Hulu since our 30 days aren’t up yet and watched a movie called Kidnap and it was very good. Not very realistic in some ways but good. Even though Hulu’s player sucks, if you watch something straight through, it’s okay. I would still like to find a mystery or drama series I haven’t seen that’s not a reality show or documentary of any kind WITHOUT any reference to God or racism. I’ve had enough of the religious and political crap.

Anyway, I’m pretty tired today because I slept shitty. Woke up warm a couple of times and then the fire truck that Tom told me went down to the end of the street woke me up when my earbud slipped out. Oh, how I miss the days of only needing to sleep with a box fan! But even if we were back in Phoenix with the acoustic sound-blocking shit we had in the master bedroom windows, it wouldn’t do me much good because box fans are so much quieter these days. Everything inside the home gets quieter while everything outside gets louder. So even if I wasn’t right on a busy street, they wouldn’t be enough. The best I can hope for in the next place is just needing Alexa to play white noise and being able to do away with the earbuds altogether. The only time I can skip out on them here is when I’m sleeping at night.

Really itchy down there today for some reason and I don’t know why. Something I ate?

TUESDAY, JANUARY 29, 2019 Day 1 of replacing the water pump is going well. Apparently, it’s buried so deep that he had to remove a lot of other parts in order to get to it. He said he would have been worried to find that it wasn’t broken after all but once he inspected it he could see that it’s clearly messed up.

I remember thinking how frustrated I would be if the doctors told me when I first went to one 5 years ago that everything was okay when I suspected I had either a dead thyroid or diabetes because then I would continue to wonder about my symptoms. How I would come to wish to hell that that’s exactly what they told me!

Anyway, he worked on and off for 4 hours and it should take him 2-3 hours to finish the project tomorrow.

Went out walking for the second day in a row but went by myself today. I saw Bob and Virginia sitting out front on what turned out to be a shorter walk than I planned on because it was sunnier than expected and I was a little warm in my long sleeves. So I doubled back and only Bob was there at the time. We chatted for a minute and then I saw him again when I went to pick up the mail. He was tweaking Virginia’s walker as they were preparing to go out for a quick walk. She can get around the house without it but just uses it for support when she’s out, Bob said.

I wrapped saran wrap around the upper level of the cage to help curb some of the bedding the pigs kick out when they get all playful and run around chasing each other like they love to do while chatting happily, but now that the rats can go up there, I’m a little worried that they’ll destroy the mesh once we get around to putting that on because they’re more destructive than guinea pigs.

The rats are strange. Not only are they horribly timid but they’re little kleptos who keep running up and down to steal food from the pigs when they have plenty of their own. The pigs can’t get down to the lower level and they have no interest in doing so anyway. They’re big and clumsy so going down the ramp at the angle it’s at would be extremely hard for them. But the rats, being the clever little bastards that they are, take food where the pigs can’t reach it.

What’s even stranger is that the pigs aren’t drinking water. They ignore their water bottle and they also ignore the bowl of water I placed in their cage in case they’d rather lap it up that way. I know they get plenty from all the lettuce they eat and they seem to be very healthy, but it’s still weird.

I couldn’t get into The Ted Bundy Files so I watched a crime documentary called Abducted in Plain Sight and OMG! The girl’s parents, who also got it on with the perp, weren’t just gullible and naive. They were downright stupid! They should be in jail for neglect, and damn the twisted system for not dealing with the perp decades sooner than they did.

“Nicole” gave Marie a piece of my mind as to how she wishes her luck but can’t deal with her rollercoaster moods, played with Stacey S for a bit, and told one of Maliheh’s friends that she owes Jodi an apology. LOL. I know. I’m bad. ;-( Asked Stacey if she’d gotten over her “crush” on Jodi.

No loud car today that I know of. Coincidence? I guess that remains to be seen.

I had a brief dream about Kathleen that I vaguely remember. She kept calling me Princess. Speaking of her, if she doesn’t call by April or May, and I certainly don’t expect her to… Why? Why do some people seem to really want to be your friend, ask for your number and then never call? I can see 20-somethings doing this, but a 65-year-old? Just wondering what’s in it for her and what she felt she got out of doing such a thing. Kathleen seems like the last person to do such a thing but then so did Stacey, even though she and I were in a totally different situation.

In another dream, I was with my mother in the first Longmeadow house we had. My mother’s whole demeanor seemed different. Instead of being the tense bossy bitch she would be, she seemed very mellow and relaxed.

There was a huge storm and after we were sitting upstairs in her room chatting for a while, I went downstairs to find that only the kitchen had flooded. There was about 4 feet of water but only in that room.

I ran back upstairs and told Mom that the storm was getting worse and she asked if I thought she should call to be evacuated by emergency workers. I told her to go ahead while I looked out the window at the other half a dozen houses on the dead-end street. All of them were pitch-dark except for one on the end. There were lights on in that house and I saw one window go dark.

The dream ended with me telling my mother that someone was home in that house.

MONDAY, JANUARY 28, 2019 I absolutely love my new garden fairy! She sure is heavy, too. When I was browsing similar items and looking at reviews where some people share photos of their purchases, there was a different fairy someone had painted. I thought wow, what a cool and fun idea! So I picked out a set of paints and brushes that will total $11. I’ll get it when I accumulate enough Bing points. Love this points game! I’m sure they’ll do away with it or make it much harder to get points now that I’m hooked on it. All good things come to an end. :-( For now, I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.

Carolyn did respond to my message and says she doesn’t think the car guy ever moved. Oh, I think he did for a while. When he’s here he comes and goes multiple times a day. He’s an obvious slacker with enabling parents. He always seems to be perfectly single too, and I bet I can guess why. Plus, there would be no car there in the middle of the night during the times I wasn’t hearing from him much.

Looked back in my journal. I thought he became a problem in January of 2016 but it was actually 2017. He moved out in November of that year and only recently returned as far as I can tell. Decided I’m not going to bother to pursue the matter, though, because that’s just how the world is no matter where you go these days. Adult communities have become very mainstream-ish that I’m surprised they even still exist. I may hate to hear it when he goes by but this is pretty much all I know and is what I’m used to. I honestly can’t imagine a quiet place! Besides, even if they did something about it, there would just be something else.

Written the following morning…

I ran over to the other side of the circle before midnight and was surprised to find the car wasn’t there. I was up past 1:00 so I would have heard it if it came in. Once again, I don’t know what to think. Haven’t heard it since I got up but I didn’t get up until 10:30. I’m sure I’ll hear it at some point. They’re obviously having insecurity issues and clinging to their parents who don’t seem to be in a hurry to wean the little bastard off.

I thanked Carolyn for getting back to me after I asked her how long after their complaint before the car disappeared and that’s when she told me she didn’t think he ever left. I’m home more than they are and up in the middle of the night half the time so I still think he did leave around the time we both complained.

I also said it was too bad this park wasn’t big on enforcing its own rules. She said she agreed… different rules for different people.

I wonder if she’s referring to how they got complained on for overgrown corner bushes while we didn’t when ours were a bit neglected. Just something I sense but can’t say for sure, not that it matters. But our place looks shitty most of the time because there are so many plants and so little time for Tom to tend to them that I’ve suspected she may not so much as resent us for it but maybe be a little annoyed. I think their biggest reasons for pulling back where I’m concerned is partly due to Ray’s mouth but mostly due to the fact that we’re very different. They’re conservatives with a different set of values and beliefs.

I finished Law & Order SVU on Hulu and am now done with them and their god-awful player. Saw a movie on Netflix last night called Deadly Switch and next, I’m going to check out The Ted Bundy Files. At least that shouldn’t be chock-full of references to race and racism. I still firmly believe that while some people are truly a victim of racism, the vast majority of complaints are either exaggerated or made up in a day and age when people know that playing the race card usually works and gets them what they want. I also think that sometimes it’s just pure paranoia because they have been shit on in the past that they sometimes think they’re being discriminated against when they’re not.

The worst thing going on right now is that Tom has to take the next two days off to fix the car. We’re falling so far into debt that he decided to spend $100 to fix it himself rather than take it in and spend $500. The thing is that you’re not supposed to work on vehicles here so we could end up getting complained about, though I’d say it’s unlikely. He’s done car work before and no one’s ever said anything. This is when it’s a good thing we’re in a park that doesn’t care what people do. There are pros and cons to being in a lenient park just like in a strict one.

Anyway, Tom is going to be replacing the water pump on the car. It’s now leaking so bad that none of the different stop-leak products he’s tried is helping and he doesn’t think it’s going to make it until next weekend. Hopefully, he’ll make it home okay! He’s got AAA if worse comes to worst. I hope not, though! We owe so much fucking money now that our tax return is going solely to bills. We may never get to vacation again while we’re here, but since we should be out of here in less than a decade, that’s okay since we’re going to end up in the kind of climate we would vacation in, anyway.

I also created a bogus Facebook account under a name I drew from a random name generator. I’ve already backed up my Revenge story there privately so all one of us has to do, depending on who goes when, is make them public and then tip off a few people.

My main reason for creating the account, though, is to see what my account looks like to those who are logged in and not on my friend list. They took away the ‘view as’ option because they found security issues with it. Tried logging out and saw virtually nothing. Says I have over 18K pictures now stored on there. That’s a lot!

“Anyone ever call you rude?” someone asked me on Ask right after I answered a question pertaining to race that I knew Aly would disagree with. I automatically thought it was from her but then Cam started answering questions and I could see that he got asked the same thing. Still could be her, though, trying to throw me off her scent.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 27, 2019 Sent my complaint anonymously to the office about the fucking punk that has been roaring in and out several times just in the three hours I’ve been up. They’ve got one week to get him out of here. When that fails to happen I will take things a step further. I asked the Twenties how long it took between their complaint and when he actually left but I have a feeling they’re going to ignore me again.

How fucking stupid can these people be, though? Why would they think they wouldn’t get kicked out again? Do they even care or do they actually like to make trouble for themselves? They’re just like the freeloaders in Arizona were, thinking that after they behave a while they’ll be able to get away with shit the second time around because people will either suddenly not mind or they’ll throw their hands up and say “fuck it.”

I’m tired of having to fight for peace every single fucking place I go!

The mesh for the cage arrived and it’s a really beautiful shade of pale pink. We’re going to look into what type of epoxy would be safe for the animals so we can secure the side guards to the pan. Still don’t know why they didn’t make the thing with sides to begin with. The problem is that they’re able to push bedding, hay and whatnot underneath the tiny gap between the pan and side guards which makes a mess. Wrapping the mesh around the base of their level will only prevent what they kick up when they run around from getting flung out.

The rats are proving to be horribly timid but I knew they would be.

My very heavy fairy came today, a day early, and she’s beautiful! Keeping her indoors while at this place.

The other night I dreamed I was at the beach I spent my summers at as a kid or at least a similar one. I was out walking around at night and marveling at how peaceful and quiet it was. The only thing I heard through an open window as I walked between cottages was the sound of a toilet flushing.

Last night’s dream was a little scary, though. I was watching a news report about a strange storm that actually sucked sea levels down about 50 ft. I was watching a clip of about 20 people who were stranded on a giant round rock way out at sea. I guess sea levels dropped in just a few minutes because they had originally been at the tip of it which was all that protruded from the water when the water level went down. Due to the shape of the rock, they couldn’t climb down to their boats. The scary part was watching someone lose their footing and go tumbling down the rock and then spiral into the water below. It seemed so real and vividly clear! Definitely the kind of dream that makes me wonder about other dimensions.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 26, 2019 Got our new 9-week-old male cinnamon hooded rats which I’ve named Fuzzy and Woody. I also chose their names from a random pet name generator, but they may earn themselves nicknames like Blitz earned the nickname Funny Face after I get to know them a while.

When we went into the store we were greeted by a very helpful young woman. The place stunk and my lungs were a little tight for a while, but I like this small chain better than PetSmart and Petco. They had female Berkshires, hoodies and also a hairless rat which is an absolute no-no. I hate hairless animals. I contemplated a Berkshire and a hooded but then she showed me the males. They consisted of cinnamon hoodies and white rats. At first, I was going to get a hooded and a white rat but while I put my hand in the cage and no one bit me even though they could have, the snowy rats were really timid. So we ended up with two cinnamon hoodies which are hard to tell apart, depending on the angle and lighting. I’m sure they’ll get easier to tell apart as they get bigger. When they’re side by side in good lighting it’s obvious that one is lighter than the other. That’s Fuzzy. Woody is the darker one.

The girl said they were from an accidental litter and very timid. They do indeed seem timid but I’ve come to learn and accept a long time ago that I’m just meant to have timid rats. Ever since Tinkerbell, that’s just the way it’s been with only a couple of exceptions. I’m sure they’ll get better with time and age but I don’t expect them to end up being some of the best rats we’ve ever had.

They’re adorably cute and it’s nice to have intelligent animals again. I hate the time, money, mess and smell but it’s worth it. The guinea pigs, rats and fish are all on different schedules. Nocturnal, “dayturnal” and “noturnal,” LOL.

We grabbed them some food, and on Amazon, we ordered a couple of large glass canisters for their food as well as some pale pink mesh that I plan to wrap around the base of the upper level where the pigs are to help cut down some of the mess they kick out.

We eventually plan to introduce the rats to the pigs to each other but want to give them a little time to get adjusted first.

It’s nice to know when they were born; November 27th. The big chains usually don’t have that info.

Said hello to both Geri and Bob on Friday as I was going to pick up the mail.

Still can’t say for sure whether or not the loud car guy lives here but I think so. He’s definitely got to go too, because I’m so fucking sick of hearing that thing. Like I don’t have enough loud vehicles to listen to as it is.

The Twenties haven’t responded to my message so I don’t know if it’s because they have something against me or they’re pissed at me for telling Ray off but I don’t care. I’m glad I reminded myself that I don’t hold back if I have something to say and that I said what I said to him. What was strange was that first he gave it a thumbs-up, then a thumbs-down, and then a thumbs-up again. I’m guessing that was by accident? It’s easy to do. Kind of surprised he didn’t block me.

I don’t think I’m going to be able to tell when those who aren’t on my friend list or following me see one of my public stories, after all. One story said, “3 Facebook Followers” and I’m assuming that means those who are following me but not on my friend list. Then again, Christiane is a follower who’s not on my list yet her name appeared so I don’t know if the 3 followers weren’t really followers or not. I’m not sure if you can follow someone on Facebook secretly or not. My guess is no.

Interestingly enough, a Dixie T showed up in the “people you may know” section and I immediately thought of the Dixie I recently met. If it’s her, she only has one friend who, coincidentally, lives in Loomis. The account appears to be new. She doesn’t even have a profile picture. Sent them a message, so we’ll see.

I forgot to mention that she said she doesn’t like it here either and agrees it’s noisy and she said she didn’t know she would have to have water delivered. I guess she doesn’t like the taste of the tap water either. We just get bottled water.

Yesterday was a bit of a rough day because my heart was surprisingly racy. It raced on and off for most of the day, spiking between 110-115. It was very uncomfortable and even a little scary. I can see where the anxious feeling in my chest may not be connected to the medication, but I sure wonder about the racing heart. We know for a fact that it has affected my heart before for sure so I’m skipping my meds all weekend, placebo effect or not. Again, if it works, I’m going to do what helps whether it’s just a placebo or not. I’ve definitely been better today either way.

Tom told me about some ideas he has for his game but still doesn’t know when it’s going to be available in the App Store. He’s basically going to start with a simple matching game and each one will have a different theme.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 25, 2019 Part of me wishes I’d never told Aly I found her other Twitter account. This way I could always know what she was really thinking about me. I shouldn’t care as I have to be me, but I’m curious just the same. I’m sure I’ve said a million things by now that offend her that she doesn’t have the heart to tell me directly.

Although it will be a lot later when I finish this entry, right now it’s not even 10 and traffic has been annoying as hell. No loud car yet today, though, and boy do I have an interesting update where that’s concerned!

Yesterday I went out to dump some trash and saw Jon and Carolyn doing what they do best… Working in their yard. They were quiet about it, though, and their yard looks lovely compared to ours. Almost everyone’s does, LOL.

As usual, I did most of my talking with Jon. Carolyn isn’t as chatty as he is. At least not with me, anyway. That’s cool because I like Jon better. He has a good sense of humor. Those without at least some humor are boring. First I was telling him about losing the rats and getting guinea pigs and how we’re thinking of getting a couple of new rats. Then I asked if he noticed the increase in commercial planes over the last few months and he said not really but what’s pissing him off is the loud car (he pointed towards the back of the circle), saying he’s underaged and all that. That’s when I was like OMG, so I’m not alone on that one? I’m not the only one who’s incredibly annoyed by that insanely loud car, underaged or not?

He said he once complained a couple of years ago and every time he hears him roaring out at 6:30 in the morning as he did for several mornings, he thinks of filing another formal complaint.

I told him I complained anonymously online a couple of years ago and he disappeared shortly afterward leaving me to think it was either an interesting coincidence or they actually took my complaint seriously. He said they won’t do anything about whatever you complain about if you call or email them and that you have to fill out an official form and have it witnessed and all that. Then maybe it was him that got the cock booted and not me. Either way, I was relieved when the scumbag finally left, although it would be nice if he stopped coming in every single fucking day whether he’s living here or not.

Jon said something about a new legislature that was passed that will cause anyone who gets complained on to be fined or something like that. He’s sure he’s living here again and I thought that a couple of times as well but now I’m not so sure. Yesterday morning I never heard him. I only heard and saw him when I was talking to Dixie, which I’ll get to in a little bit, at around 3. Then the bastard left a couple of hours later. Haven’t heard him yet today, but since I suspect he’s working again, I’m sure he’ll show up later on.

After filling Tom in on our discussion I told Jon and Carolyn on Facebook that I was ready to complain along with them and we could witness each other’s complaints. But this morning I told them that as annoyed as I am with the damn thing coming in every day, I’m not so sure they’re living here. If they were, it was only for a very brief time. Haven’t heard back from them yet.

He said the woman that lives there is Melody and she has a bad attitude, but her husband Al pretty much goes along with her shit and all that. The son is either a loser who’s a slacker and mooching off of them and the parents are enablers or that is one seriously devoted son. Somehow I doubt it’s the latter. Those are the kinds of parents that would either encourage or at least put up with their kids having such loud vehicles, which is all about forcing attention and acknowledgment on others. I don’t need a BA in psychology to get that it’s all about bad attention being better than no attention as far as they’re concerned. I don’t know if this cock is narcissistic or feels neglected and that’s why he’s an asshole but he doesn’t seem to be neglected by his parents so I’m guessing he’s just a conceited little punk that thinks everyone owes him and that doesn’t give a shit about others. He has absolutely no respect and consideration for others and I’m not surprised that he has appeared to be perfectly single since he first became a problem 3 years ago. Some people actually like to annoy others.

He also said something about how the house briefly going up for sale twice and being pulled off the market was some kind of ruse to make money. Not sure how that would make money but I thought they pulled it off because they were greedy and couldn’t get what they wanted.

Whatever the case is, it’s sad that this park doesn’t give a shit and won’t reinforce its rules. They’re letting their fucking mutt come and go through a doggie door, which isn’t allowed here, and I wish someone would confiscate it and turn it over to Animal Control. I haven’t seen it in ages and it’s not like it barks outside our place so that’s not my main problem with them. My problem is they’ve had underaged people living with them two or three times and one of them is intruding upon my peace. If they want to live like they’re in the mainstream, then why did they come here?

Really wonder how many complaints it would take before they got kicked out. Couldn’t help thinking of Tammy’s park. If what she told me is true and not exaggerated in any way, then they wouldn’t stand a chance there and would have been booted a long time ago.

I told him that although I haven’t heard it recently, the other thing that pisses me off is the motorcycle that sometimes comes tearing in and out in the middle of the night that I thought was on the dead-end behind us, but he says he thinks it’s coming from the house that the contractor lived in which is next to the loud car house, as I call it.

Now here’s what he told me that I don’t like and that totally fucking figures. I told Tom this would happen, too. They’re getting quotes for putting up a garage, so that’s something I’ll have to listen to for the two or three days it takes to install a single-car garage. I hope to hell it doesn’t wake me up if I’m on nights when they do it!

I learned why they’re such project junkies and that’s that they’re trying to up the value of their home. I thought they were going to be here forever, but as Jon said, that won’t be the case unless he gets hit by another truck and doesn’t make it, haha. Let’s hope not!

Tom and I never saw the point in spending money just to get the money back so that’s why we’re not going to worry about upping the value of this place since it all evens out in the end either way.

They’re a little too project-happy but otherwise really nice people and I hope that the fact that I just sent Ray a piece of my mind won’t offend them. I left a message on my wall saying that I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone who may be friends with anyone I don’t especially care for (without naming names) but needed to get some things off my chest. I was going to wait until we moved but since the guy is probably well into his 80s, I can’t guarantee he’ll be alive to hear it at that time. Besides, it’s my right to speak my mind, and I can’t always worry about how others are going to take things. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do and not worry about others. I swore long ago that I would never let anyone hold me back or intimidate me from saying anything I have to say. So yeah, I told him that whatever he said to Jon and Carolyn (and who knows who else) was wrong. If he had a problem with me, whatever it was, he should have come to me. Don’t know what his grudge was and I don’t care but I fucking can’t stand gossipmongers.

There’s a woman named Dixie now living in Mouth’s place. She’s a slender woman with dark eyes, bad breath, and teeth too perfect to be real. Seems really nice, though. Not sure if it’s just her or not but she pulled up to me in her SUV as I was returning from talking with Jon across the street and asked if I had the code to the gate. At least I thought that’s what she was asking me at first. She gave me her number and I called and left a message saying that I checked in my purse but didn’t have the code. I Skyped Tom and he said he had it written down in the car, and as I also told her in my voice message, he couldn’t just run out and get it so she would probably have to go to the office. I said I didn’t drive so I had no use for the code myself.

Then she came by again when Tom was just pulling in and what she really needed was help with was programming her clicker. Tom told her that ours is programmed right into the car. Dixie then thanked us and said to let her know if I needed to go anywhere and that she could drive us around wherever. That was really nice of her.

Could have used that kind of kindness when I was single once upon a whole different lifetime ago. The only one plenty willing to give me rides back then was Nervous, who was in my dreams last night. As I got older and maturer, I came to feel bad for using him for rides like I did even though I think it’s safe to say he got payment enough for it just with the time he got to spend with me. Anyway, I went out to a restaurant with him, Fran and Andy in last night’s dream and we stay there late. Eventually, he got up and told me he needed to go because he couldn’t be up that late and I gave him a hug goodbye, realizing it was after midnight.

I also met a woman named Elaine who moved in down by where Dixie is. If it’s the house I think it is, they have a loud SUV. It’s not quite as loud as the car but it’s annoying enough. Hell, even FedEx is blasting music when they come around. I swear the world only gets louder and louder. Even read an article recently about how the world is getting noisier and even hospitals aren’t as quiet as they used to be. Yeah, I believe it. I can just imagine how libraries have become as well.

I swear Elaine started to say something like, “My only complaint…” And then she turned toward the back corner of our place before someone distracted her by waving to her so I don’t know what she was going to say. I don’t know if it was about us or something in back of the house or what.

I said hello to Bob the other day and he said Virginia is getting stronger day by day.

Didn’t know this till now but I love how Facebook shows who views our public stories. Definitely going to share more things publicly since that’s interesting to see but mostly cuz I’m curious to see if the drama queen shows up.

After 110 calories and 25 minutes on the treadmill, I had to get off because I was getting light-headed. Yesterday I felt a little wound up like I might be flaring and my heart was doing triple digits. I feel slightly jittery today but nothing too serious and hopefully it will stay that way. But what I did feel was the kind of feeling I’d get before the meds become a problem. God, I hope I’m not heading in that direction, but I haven’t had the chest “stabbers” in several days.

I’m excited about tomorrow! I called around and found that Incredible Pets in Sacramento has a bunch of young rats of both genders. Hoping for my favorite, a cinnamon ratty, but I like all rats as long as they’re not hairless.

The other day I also had a dream about “walking” some strange bus with a group of people, including Mariska Hargitay. I had my own house and lived alone. We’d gone somewhere for the day as a group and were about to drop everyone off. The bus didn’t look like anything you’d see in real life. It was much smaller and had wheels in the center of it sort of like inline skates. Because we were in a crowded area I said I thought we should walk the bus toward the main road where it was less crowded. So we all carefully walked it like you would a bike towards a less populated area and I thought of how I would thank Mariska for being there for me when I got dropped off. I guess she and I had a personal chat during the day.

Another dream I remember from last night was being out somewhere walking late at night. I came upon a store that was being burglarized. I knew it had been broken into and that some guy was ripping them off not just because it was after hours but because he had a funny mask on his face that sort of resembled a pig. He spotted me and I froze. Then I sprinted away and began to run like hell through a grid of streets. Pretty sure someone else had been someone close getting into their car and also witnessed the guy, so I was hopeful that the thief’s attention would be on him instead.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 24, 2019 On the treadmill right now as I do this entry which will start off with the usual complaint… Noise. OMG, I heard 5 planes in just 10 minutes when I timed it, one of them being a small plane. The mornings are absolutely horrible! Didn’t seem as bad yesterday but this morning it was one after another for over an hour.

It seems that since he started working at this place we’ve been compensated for all the years we struggled financially, not that we’re not still in debt. I wish to hell I could believe I’ll be compensated for the health horror I’ve gone through here with nothing serious for a good long time and also compensated with spending our final years in a wonderfully peaceful, beautiful home.

But almost all my adult life has been spent dealing with noise so that one is really hard to hope for. If it’s true, though, that the more noise I have to deal with now means the more peace I get later on, then that is going to be one seriously peaceful place we’ll end up in! I still have my doubts because almost anywhere you go these days is noisy. Even if we don’t have all these planes overhead, we’re still going to get traffic, landscaping and other shit. It’s like I’m always compensated for what is lacking in that particular area. I don’t have barking and screaming kids here so it’s like it must be made up for with other shit. So even if we ended up where traffic and landscaping were less of an issue, that could mean more planes and more problem neighbors happily sawing away with their power tools and whatever other toys of annoyance they may possess. Our neighbor would be the one, like Tammy, to have their mutt barking out the door of their lanai. It’s like there’s always something.

Maybe if we do get close to any body of water, the main source of noise will be boats. I was looking at a home for sale by a canal in Florida and I would think that boats run up and down it regularly and that some would be audible enough. Obviously, large ships couldn’t pass through it but other things could. We hope to have our own boat at some point but don’t know what kind it will be, be it an inboard motor, outboard, whatever. It’s different when things are your own, though, because you have control over your own stuff. I can’t tell those with loud vehicles not to ride by the bedroom tonight because I’ll be asleep.

As for all the planes here, I can’t get anyone to listen to me much less to do anything about it. No matter how much I tweet to the airport or file online complaint forms, I am ignored.

Surprisingly, I haven’t heard the loud car yet today but it came and went early yesterday morning and then in the afternoon, as usual. When they came in around 3 and still hadn’t left by 6, I was again getting worried that they moved back in, but they left shortly after that.

Again, that is one devoted son! Or is the correct word clingy? We’re living in strange times, that’s for sure. Everyone’s quick to preach independence… Get your own place, get your own job, get your own vehicle, get your own everything. Yet kids are living with their parents older and older these days. Used to be everybody left home at 18 like I did and visited their parents once a week or less, and it isn’t when they leave home or how often they visit I have a problem with, it’s me having to know about it that bothers me. I don’t force my noise on others and I just wish I could get the same fucking respect. Hope the punk with the loud car has someone at home when they leave, even though I suspect they’re single. What a great way to announce your departure to potential burglars! Same thing I thought about the welfare bums blasting in and out with their fucking car stereos in Pheonix.

Something occurred to me earlier in regards to the mutt that would be barking its ass off two or three times a day when it would be out walking. It occurred to me that I haven’t heard it in a while. I don’t know if that’s because it was in one of the houses that moved or something happened to it, but it makes me wonder if my influencing had anything to do with it disappearing. I mean, what are the odds of the thing suddenly disappearing given how long dogs live? There are too many loud vehicles these days for me to influence them all but it gives me a little bit of hope then I can get rid of some of them. It definitely does seem like while I can’t actively wish them away, the anger and frustration I feel as they continue to annoy me seems to affect them.

“Blame the brown people,” a Mexican character said on Law & Order SVU when the cops came to his door. Then Ice T pointed out he was just as brown.

LOL, nice try, asshole. But sadly, this degree of race card playing doesn’t happen only on TV.

They weren’t kidding when they said that potatoes aggravate LS. Wanting to use up the rest of the potatoes before they went bad, and knowing how much Tom loves them, I made mashed potatoes and they came out so damn good with the perfect balance of margarine, milk and garlic salt that I ate tons of it. I paid later on with itching and especially with burning. If it weren’t for Tucks I’d be lost! This was after doing well enough for a few days that I didn’t need to Tucks myself like I usually do at the end of my day so I don’t wake up itching.

Everything is bad for me somehow. Everything. It’s frustrating as hell because now I can’t just shop for whatever when ordering groceries and it makes things harder. I have to avoid potatoes, canned soup, frozen pizza, greasy foods, and things high in cholesterol and sodium. I rarely eat bread and not much pasta either.

Walmart really fucked up the last two orders by getting things wrong and being out of stock on a lot of things. They’re very irresponsible. Safeway isn’t perfect but I think next time around I’ll order from them. Will focus mostly on fish, fruits and veggies.

I really should try once again to get some weight off not for appearance’s sake but for better health, and mobility, and of course my clothes would fit better too. But how? HOW??? Older people have slower metabolisms with or without thyroid disease and it takes so few calories to maintain and even fewer to lose. If most of us could simply stand the hunger for so long, then most of us wouldn’t be fat. I even prided myself on being one of the “smarter” ones who long since stopped bothering to try as I’m A, not likely to succeed, and B, not likely to maintain that success should I succeed in the first place by some miracle. But sometimes I wish I could lose even just 15 pounds or so. It isn’t only the hunger that prevents me from bothering but I worry about my medication as well.

Now why did my shoelaces come untied? Got to stop this thing and tie it.

Okay, that’s 16 minutes I’ve done so far. I wish this thing had a pause button so the counter wouldn’t start over.

Once again we’re contemplating getting rats for the lower level of the cage. The only negatives to that would be that it would up my responsibilities because rats take more time and care than guinea pigs with the way they like to run around loose and the way they’re attention whores that are much more social than guinea pigs. The pigs would probably like running loose as well but they’re not nearly as smart and I would have a hard time getting them back. A rat will return to his house eventually on his own. Even if the guinea pigs weren’t so stupid, they’re on the upper level so they couldn’t just go home. Gotta admit their stupidity is kind of cute, though. They’re dumb in a silly way. The only thing they know is to squeak for food.

The rats would need to be downstairs so they could come and go. Rats are also notorious pissers that would go about marking their so-called territory and are smart enough to figure out how to get into shit I don’t want them getting into. Ever since having to remove the side paneling between the dishwasher and the cabinet under the sink, there has been a little opening in which even an adult rat might be able to wiggle through and we definitely don’t want them getting back there. The clever little shits could probably figure out a way around whatever we put there to try to block it.

But even though it would be more work, time and money, I can’t imagine not having rats until we get a dog and if we do, it won’t be till he retires because I can’t always be available during the daytime to take it out. With a dog, I doubt I’d want anything else but maybe a betta.

Just did a little research and rats should actually be able to live with the guinea pigs so they can go up and down both levels of the cage. The pigs will probably just stay on the top but there will be water bottles on both levels if they don’t. I watched an adorably cute video of them interacting with each other and then I remembered that I have seen videos of them together in the past. I don’t know about putting adult rats with them but if the rats are babies to begin with then there shouldn’t be a problem. We’ll try it, assuming there are any left in the state. It seems everyone’s either out of them or no longer sells them.

Hopping off the TM at 20 minutes. Will walk more later.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 23, 2019 Training these dumb but cute pigs as best I can but here’s a clear example of the difference between their bravery and Butterboy’s. Butterboy’s no longer scared of the colorful duster when I’m dusting the area by his tank. Meanwhile, the pigs will keep running from the same old shit no matter how many hundreds of times they see it proves to be harmless.

Since these guys are kicking up enough shit onto the floor even with the cardboard walls we created, I decided to remove them and just vacuum the area every other day or so. I saved the pieces of cardboard in case we decide to put them back but I figured that if they’re going to make so much of a mess anyway, why block the flow of air to the air cleaner when they can have better ventilation and we can see them better this way, too?

I gave Funny Face, as I’ve been calling Blitz, extra attention today since he’s way more skittish than Rockefeller.

Since they can’t climb like a rat can, I lowered the shelf which lowered the ramp as well. Even a feeble guinea pig should be able to navigate the ramp with the way I’ve got it set up. The question is whether or not they’ll want to. I “showed” them how to do it.

Well, apparently Rockefeller wants to because he’s up there now, so I just saw, in the tube that I put there. I was hesitant to leave anything they could hide in inside the cage all the time because I thought that would make them more skittish if they could cower in a hideaway all the time rather than have to get used to being more exposed. For now, I’ll leave it like it is. They only have a hideaway on the shelf, not downstairs.

What is it with guinea pigs and raspberries, though? Guinea pigs eat fruit but for some reason, raspberries are an absolute no-no for them.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 22, 2019 “My dear devoted son, thank you for checking in on us twice a day like you have been for a while now and enjoying being fed while you were at it. But we’re two grown adults perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves just like you are. You don’t need to check on us twice a day or more and you can afford to feed yourself with your job. Get out there and enjoy life while you’re young and you still can instead of hanging onto your parents. Meet somebody and do some fun and interesting things in your free time. It may be hard at first but now it’s time to wean you off of us and get you more independent.”

How I wish the mother of the fucking loud car cock would say this! But just like I knew it would, it returned for free food and whatever else it could get in the middle of the afternoon yesterday. It’s in getting free breakfast right now because God forbid it should dare to make its own with its own food paid for with its own money for however many weeks or months they work this time around. It’s in later today, though, and I’m guessing it’s going to leave any second now and then it will be back at the end of my day.

They’re far from the only annoyance here. The planes were absolutely horrible yesterday and there is plenty of other loud traffic. Today I’ve got the sound machine that I sleep with because I just don’t want to hear it. They weren’t just roaring overhead in the morning but in the afternoon as well. Two tweets to Sac Intl have gone ignored as did my other complaints. They just don’t give a shit who they annoy. The sound machine I have going now is pretty loud yet I can still make out the faint rumble of planes. If I didn’t know they were there I probably wouldn’t notice but since I do it does stand out.

Skipped my meds today because I was a little wound up yesterday. Placebo effect or not, if it works, it works, and I’ll fucking sit and pick my nose on YouTube all day if that’s what it took to keep that horrible feeling away!

There are at least two women that I know of running for president and one of them is a black woman. Or maybe she’s mulatto since she looks “barely” black. She’s fairly decent looking for her age and when I did a quick Wiki check on Kamala Harris, I thought she would be great for the country regardless of gender/race. She’s from Cali, married, a year older than me, no kids, and seems to stand for everything Tom and I stand for… equality, freedom of choice, etc.

Do I think she stands a chance? No, because she’s a woman and we live in a country where women love men and men love men. But then I think yes, because she’s black or at least part black and even if some people won’t admit it or can’t see it, I still see every indication to believe that most people in the US do favor blacks. I totally believe that’s why Obama was elected.

But then I would have said both yes and no to someone like Trump as well. Yes, because it’s got a dick between its legs. No, because he’s a hater and the only thing that still gets a lot of hate in this country are gays and lesbians.

I asked Tom if he thought Trump will get reelected and he said he has no idea. People are crazy and you never know what crazy will do, he said. Oh, I totally agree!

Tom deposited Campbell’s check on the phone which was just so cool! He forgot to check this morning to verify if it went through but it seems like it did. I reminded him to check when he gets home even though I suppose I could check. It’s just that I’m so shitty with numbers that we’ve always let him handle the finances. Just like I handle the housework because his idea of dusting is very different than mine, LOL. I told him when he retires I’ll keep cleaning and he can cook for us.

Now I don’t know if I’m going to get another period or not. I would still think that sooner or later I’ll get one but it’s like my body tried and tried really hard to kick one off and it couldn’t quite do it. Therefore, the PMS symptoms have backed off. They’re not completely gone but they have lessened.

Hulu’s player really sucks. It doesn’t remember where we left off and has other tech issues. He said that when he tried using it in Microsoft Edge on his Windows computer he heard only the music and sound effects but no voices.

Last night I dreamed I was out in the living room working at my desk and the return vent was closer to the desk than to the couch. I looked down at it and saw a mouse peering up at me and thought that I’d have to tell Aly that it was now my time to need a glue board. The mouse, however, seemed bigger, fatter and braver, like it was a pet mouse. I reached for my phone to take a picture of its adorable face peeking through the grille, but all my phone did was play a recording of prank phone calls I’d made 30 years ago during which the mouse managed to pull itself up into the room and disappear somewhere.

MONDAY, JANUARY 21, 2019 What’s the point of playing white noise through noise-canceling headphones when you can still hear loud vehicles loud and clear? sighs with frustration At least they’re good for planes and landscaping and moderately loud vehicles. The insanely loud ones, including motorcycles, can’t be drowned out unless I blast white noise or music super loud.

At just after 6 this morning the loud car came in and then left a few minutes later. What’s the punk going to do when its parents are no longer around to run to 50 times a day? They fucking came and went as early as 7:15 yesterday morning to around when I crashed in the early afternoon. One time they turned around and came right back like they forgot something. It does look like they may have gotten a job to be coming in this early on weekdays and not returning until later in the afternoon, but I wish they would get more of a life once and for all! My God, get a girlfriend, get a boyfriend, have a kid, get in a fucking fight with your parents and disown them for all I care…just do something to prevent yourself from spending so much of your free time here! Do you want to be a slacker and a loser all your life?

Cock probably feels rejected in general and therefore the type that would compensate by forcing its attention on others through other means, e.g. loud vehicles. I’m surprised they don’t blast music too, but someone has been lately and I’m wondering if it’s whoever moved into the house next to Jim.

I tried doing my influencing thing by imagining the car going faster and faster with the cock unable to control it and then sending it crashing into a concrete wall or something but I’ve never been able to actively make something happen. It’s always when I least expect it that my emotions cause either negative or positive effects on something or someone. It’s kind of like with the dream premonitions. I can’t control what I dream about that may ultimately end up coming true.

If a couple of dreams meant anything, though, then we’re out of here in September of 2020 but I honestly can’t see us leaving until he retires and he can’t possibly retire by then. On his next birthday, we can get a sense of what we could get if he retired early but he almost certainly is going to need to work until full retirement.

Had anxiety yesterday for 4-5 hours and hoping for a better day today. It may only be a placebo effect, but I didn’t wait long after taking my meds to have my coffee. So far so good. Made sure to tap more often and hit the treadmill after I showered and ate. Burned about 152 calories in just over a half-hour. I also did some Bowflex exercises.

At around 8, the planes should be dying down for the next 12 hours, though I still hear some scattered flights throughout that time. I’ll do some cleaning then too, so I can play Alexa “everywhere” without the rumbling of planes. Or at least without as many. I tweeted a piece of my mind to Sac Airport but I’m sure I’ll be ignored just like the 2 online complaints I filled out were.

Last night I dreamed that I wanted to stop dying my hair so I dyed it gray so that the gray growing out would be less noticeable. In reality, I think it would be just as noticeable because I still have a lot of brown in my gray.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 20, 2019 Campbell’s did make good on their word after all and sent me a $20 check. I was surprised. I really thought I would just get coupons or something like that.

We decided on Saturdays we would change the pigs’ cage and we would replace half of the fish’s water on Sundays.

I gave the pigs some tubes to hide in which they love, of course. But I don’t want them to always have places to run and hide and be less and less used to having us walk up to them in their cage so I make a point of removing the tubes when I’m awake. They can hide in there when I’m sleeping.

Because they’re so dissimilar in so many ways, it’s hard to believe guinea pigs and rats are related. But if it’s got two upper teeth and two lower teeth, it’s classified as a rodent.

I was glad to read some good news for once and that’s that they’re going to bring back Unsolved Mysteries on Netflix. I was really into that show in the 90s. I assume it will be with all new cases, of course.

Went to Sam’s yesterday morning and today we’ll be going to get some car parts and other places as well.

The year was 2020 in my dream and we were moving. I told someone who asked when we moved in that we moved in in 2013 as we did in real life. Only we were leaving a dumpy 2nd-floor apartment. Not this house. :( Still hope it means something as well as the dream I had where we moved in the month of September. I don’t see how we could move before he retires, though.

I also had some kind of dream that involved returning from vacation with my parents. It had been a fun vacation but I was glad to be home.

My mother was talking to some woman about a blog they had as Dad and I unpacked. The woman was saying something about being worried it would be shut down. Right as my mother went to tell her that all she had to do was claim a family member used it too, to prevent it from being shut down, I informed her of this as well.

Then Tom and I were going to bed in a hotel room when he plopped down on the bed and fell asleep as quickly as his head hit the pillow. I looked at him and said, “I guess I’ll take that side then,” and headed to the other side of the bed. As I walked around the foot of the bed I could see several large monitors on the wall by the head of the bed. I knew they had to do with entertainment and internet access for the guests.

Then I had a dream I had just stepped out the back door of either a house or an apartment with a woman who was a lot taller than me. She seemed to be someone who was more than a friend too.

Suddenly, we heard some guys’ voices that had entered the front that we might have known. The woman immediately put a hand over my mouth and moved me along with her to the side of the door so we could eavesdrop on what was being said without being seen.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 19, 2019 After reading that earaches caused by earbuds can be due to compressed wax, I doused my ear with alcohol and peroxide. It worked, too. No earaches in either ear so nothing woke me up since I could use the earbuds. :-) Still getting backaches, though.

A car came in with music loud enough to hear and drove into the circle and past Bob and Virginia after 11. Adult communities definitely aren’t what they used to be. I remember Al saying they had the door open all day and didn’t hear a sound when they were clearing his sister out. Well, he’d certainly hear things here at night with the door closed.

I heard a few planes since getting up at 10:30 but OMG, the planes drove me crazy yesterday morning for about an hour and a half. Ironically enough, there has been less of the loud car since the planes are back to the usual shit they’ve been up to since September. It still came in but it was later in the morning and only stuck around for a few minutes.

Anyway, finally fed up with all the planes and curious to know why they’ve been flying over us so much these last few months, I called the airport and was given another number to call. When I called the number, a recorded voice came on saying to give them the number of the aircraft I was complaining about. Now how the hell am I supposed to know the numbers of all these aircrafts? I suppose that’s their method of deterring complaints and having to deal with them. I’ve complained online twice but was ignored both times. So yeah, they’re going to do what they’re going to do and they don’t want to hear any complaints about it.

Amazingly, the cream I got is doing wonders for my rash. I was surprised to notice a difference after just one use.

Aly said she finally solved the mystery of Kim being yelled at for going up and down the stairs on one leg. It isn’t that she’s hopping up and down on one foot but she’s holding the railing with one hand while dragging one foot along the way. I would still think she would be way too heavy to do that and that it would be rather awkward. Why would anyone want to do that? What’s even stranger is that she claims her doctor told her it was normal. I think Kim is just totally beyond delusional as hell. Always has been. Always will be.

Someone asked Aly on Ask how long her longest relationship was and she said 2 years. She told me 9 months. Maybe she was just too embarrassed to admit it if the answer she gave me was the truth.

She tweeted about Cam’s family getting together at some mosque and then creating a Jewish-Muslim lunch or something. I knew her BF was Jewish but is he also Muslim? Or perhaps he’s got relatives that are Muslim? Either way, I’d love to see her tell them she’s bisexual and see how fast they turn against her like the Muslim family she was a nanny for did. She doesn’t want to believe that most of them are very hateful and intolerant, if not deadly. No matter how many news reports there are of them killing by the masses and even their own family members for loving the “wrong” person, she always defends him. I guess that’s simply our politically correct society for you. I just would have thought she would be intelligent enough to see their true colors but if she can’t see Molly’s, why would she see theirs?

FRIDAY, JANUARY 18, 2019 When I was checking out the islands of Long Island Sound that I could just make out along the horizon from the beach we spent our summers at as a kid, one of them was Little Gull Island. It’s only an acre from what I read and the only thing I could see on it from Google Maps was a lighthouse. I remember the foghorn we would hear from time to time. I wonder if it was coming from there. Can the sound of a foghorn travel seven or eight miles? From the looks of it, that’s how far that Island is from Old Colony Beach.

I saw a 30-minute video shot by someone who I guess was rowing toward the island and was surprised to see several seals on the island’s rocky shores. I was like, seals? Seals? I don’t remember ever seeing a single seal at the beach but maybe they avoid people and stick to the islands that are out of the way and uninhabited. They’re so cute either way.

Thank you, God, for continuing to curse my sleep, if You even exist. And why? Because I don’t have to get up to an alarm 5 days a week? Is this your compensation for not having to do that?

Yeah, I pulled the earbuds out in the late afternoon because my ear was irritated again. I would feel this sharp cramp-like sensation, maybe due to the pressure or something. It was okay when not lying on that ear but I tend to do that quite a bit. Over the years I got in the habit of not lying on my bad ear, thanks to my parents who I wish I could resurrect long enough to beat the shit out of for having the so-called “professionals” mess with that ear so they could have a “normal” daughter. Really, why did the doctors agree to such a thing? How could they have possibly felt it would help me as they claimed? Well, it’s done anything but that because I’m also feeling these intermittent sharp cramp-like sensations on that side too, only it’s on the outside. What’s left of the outside has been a little more sensitive lately and I don’t know why. I guess too much nerve damage from all the surgery I was forced to have as a kid. It looks horrible and is definitely noticeable. It’s changed shape as the lower part of it “withered” and “sunk” after the frame was removed there’s no way I can wear earrings because that lobe is higher than the other one and they make earrings look lopsided. Some of the dangling ones aren’t as noticeable but for the most part, earrings are out of the question.

Anyway, that fucking car woke me up and shorted my sleep by about an hour or so. I’m not overly tired but I am going to take the day off from working out, anyway. Can’t swear that it really was that car since there are tons of loud vehicles these days, but I’d say it’s a pretty good guess. It’s insanely loud and has a very distinct sound.

sighs with frustration How much longer can I just shrug and tell myself that that’s just life? Sooner or later I’m going to get fed up enough to do something about some of these people who feel the need to get attention at my expense whether they realize they’re doing it or not. Okay, so the damn cock can’t possibly know he’s waking up a light sleeper who can’t keep a schedule. But does that really make it okay? Does he being the norm and me being the exception make it acceptable?

While I’m slowly getting more and more fed up and unable to adapt for whatever reason, I can’t help but wonder…is this bastard also compensation of sorts? Has something up there increased his visits since the commercial planes have backed off? Well, I would rather the planes even though they were way more frequent because they didn’t wake me up. This fucker is going to shorten the number of days/nights I can go without the earbuds since he’s apparently stopping in for breakfast and then dinner at the end of the day. I don’t get this at all either. It’s working now but it can’t afford to buy its own food and cook its own fucking meals?

When I would go to bed at around midnight, I could go without the earbuds because traffic didn’t usually get loud until around 8 at which time I would usually be up by having crashed around midnight. But with this fucker coming in at a quarter to 6 in the morning and leaving between 8 and 9 at night, this means I have to sleep with the earbuds more often and irritate my ear some more. It’s either suffer the pain or get woken up. Again, it’s like something up there is causing the pain and may as well yank the earbud out of my ear and shout, “No! If I wanted you to sleep, I wouldn’t have made you such a light sleeper and curse you further with CRD!”

So today I’m a little tired and trying not to beat my head in the wall over the fact that this is the way it’s always going to be. It’s just not likely to get any quieter anytime soon. Probably not in our lifetime anyway, and I can’t beat the shit out of every driver of every loud vehicle. Also, if we ever do have a place on a less traveled street with a bedroom further from that street, since all it takes is one vehicle to ruin a good night’s sleep, that’s years away from now.

Yesterday my lungs were tight enough to have to use my inhaler and for a moment I worried it was related to my medication even though I knew it wasn’t and that it was due to all the rain. I also worried I wouldn’t be able to handle Florida with how much it rains there but Tom thinks I’d be okay because it doesn’t go back and forth so much there like it does here in the winter. I hope he’s right and that it’s not the pigs either! I also doubt it’s the meds because I don’t have other symptoms along with it like I would in the past. No “mindfuckers,” jitteriness, runs, or weight loss. Oh no, just the opposite. I’m up a couple of pounds and hoping it’s just water. My boobs aren’t as sore but I still feel PMSy. Backaches and a little water retention. I’m hungrier, too.

Tom says that since he can’t cut back he’s going to start working out big time to see if he can lose weight that way. The only problem is, as I told him, there aren’t enough minutes in the day for him to work out that much! LOL

I burn about 200 calories if I walk an hour. Therefore, I would have to walk 2-6 hours a day to “trick” my body into thinking I had only 1000 calories. Not going to happen. Besides, it doesn’t quite work that way. When we first moved in here, I was doing those 90-minute HIIT routines that are supposed to burn 1000 calories and that didn’t do me any good. So since I can’t cut back either or spend half the day on the treadmill even if it did work that way, I realize my only hope is to “play the scale.” My average daily gain is 2-3 pounds but I have to be up no more than 1 pound in order to be down the next day. My average sleep loss is just over a pound. So I would have to eat when I was ready to as usual at the beginning of my day but then I couldn’t eat again until the scale fell back to where I was only up 1 pound since getting up which can take many hours. The only tricky part is knowing when to stop eating for the day so I have enough time for my weight to fall to where I’m only up a pound when I crash. I doubt I’ll do this, though, as it still requires going hungry most of the time and ending up lightheaded and grumpy. Besides, extra weight goes with most older mammals as does gray hair, worsening vision and a whole lot of other bullshit. Exercising is still a good thing no matter what we weigh.

I’ve been having more sodium lately and it’s reflecting in my blood pressure numbers so I’m definitely going to focus on that, which is much more doable.

Because I sometimes still use the skier even though I don’t use it nearly as often as the treadmill, we might get this flexible phone holder that you attach to the edge of a table or a shelf. The desk is right by it so I could attach it to that or part of the skier itself for when I want to go ski blogging. It would also be good for in bed as I could attach it to the headboard shelf. The skier is what I mostly want it for, though.

Also found a blood pressure monitor wrist cuff that also detects irregular heartbeats. I’m curious to see if it ever detects one these days.

Definitely not impressed with Hulu’s player. It doesn’t remember where we left off and the buffering bar doesn’t go away unless I minimize the window after backing up a few seconds if I miss something or want to see something again. So we’re probably going to drop Hulu after the 30 days is up. I’ll make sure I finish Law & Order by then.

Really getting sick of all these memory issues. Like forgetting to empty the dryer’s lint trap.

Since the cock had to wake me up in the middle of a dream, I remember it. I was living in an apartment building and watching TV. Some kind of documentary. I was surprised to find a guy who lived in the building featured on one of the episodes, though I don’t know what it was about. I then realized it explained why he hadn’t been home as much lately.

Then I was listening to music and it was like I was a kid again even though I wasn’t. I was thinking of the second house we had in Longmeadow and I was tired of circumstances coming up to yank me out of it. I guess I was stuck somewhere else for some reason and was beginning to feel like something didn’t want me in the house.

As I continued to sway back and forth to the music with my eyes shut, tears threatening to squeeze through my lids, and a fan blowing on me (I guess it was summer), I imagined I was back in the house and not wherever I was.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 17, 2019 Ended up feeling okay yesterday and waited the required half-hour before having coffee after taking my meds. Hopefully, I’ll stay okay today and the tightness in my lungs is only because of all the wind-driven rain we’ve had which certainly sprouts mold. Been a little worried about the roof but so far so good.

The earbud was irritating my ear again so I removed it just to get woken up by what was probably that loud car. That’s when I put it back in and was fine until I got up at 8:30.

Cock isn’t living here again, after all. By some miracle, maybe while I was watching a show, they slipped in unnoticed early Tuesday morning. They didn’t go by the bedroom, so that was probably why. When I did hear and see them leave a short while later, I thought they were here overnight because it was so early. They might as well live here if they’re going to come and go 2-3 times a day as they do.

Yesterday they came in at 5:50 in the morning and left 40 minutes later. Until I’m on days, I won’t be able to get a sense of if they’re working or not. It’s hard to believe they would get up that early if they didn’t have to, though. When they lived here they didn’t usually leave until after 9:30. If that was them that woke me up, then they can’t be working full time unless they woke me up at the end of the day. I didn’t look at the clock so I don’t know.

Just like I hate it when Tom makes excuses for and defends anyone I complain about, I really wish he would stop playing down and denying the noise here. This place seriously and totally makes Phoenix seem comatose. No joke! No exaggeration. He tried to tell me the other day that I’m just more “sensitive” now. Oh, come on! Like I wouldn’t have noticed if traffic was this loud in the past even if we weren’t so close to the street. Never before has there been this many muscle cars and other loud vehicles on the road, nor have I ever lived where there were so many motorcycles. The traffic issues in the past were loud car stereos and engine gunning. We can still hear some of that here but 90% of the traffic we hear in here are loud motors.

Set up my new jewelry holder and it’s much better! It’s a much more efficient and versatile holder and I don’t know why I didn’t get this particular design to begin with. The only thing I would have to do is maybe remove some necklaces to get at the ones closest to the stems off the T’s but that’s no big deal. It has a white base and a nickel finish. The gold looked nicer online but it was twice as expensive so I went with nickel which is still pleasant enough. Tom can use the copper carousel to hang wires on or whatever else he might think of.

Really hope the rash cream that should be coming today helps because it’s itchy and spreading!

Here we go again with another migrant caravan. When I read that I said, “Oh no, not again!”

Do some people actually want to make trouble for themselves as well as for others? Do some people actually like being tear-gassed? Defiant little fucks like this that will literally harm themselves and even die to spite others are the scariest kinds of people of all. These are the kinds of people who have no limits and will go to any extreme possible to make their fucking point.

There are numerous people who have come from other countries, including my bestie’s BF, in a perfectly legal manner with nothing but good intentions, and that’s fine. But if there’s one thing and one thing only that I agree with the orange nutjob on it’s that most illegals are up to no good and we’re the ones that have to pay for it. Why would you come here illegally if you had good intentions in the end? Illegals do nothing but burden our resources, drive the crime rate up, and steal jobs from those who are from here. Enough is enough! I wish the Border Patrol agents could replace their tear gas with bullets but as I said, some people will stop at nothing. If they suddenly knew they would be shot, they would still defy our laws just to piss people off and make a point.

I just dread the day we break down and start paying for their needs, including housing them in jail. Our tax dollars shouldn’t go to criminals (and you are one if you come here illegally). What about our needs and expenses? Who pays for those?

Sooner or later, though, we’re going to start letting them in and footing the bill. That’s just how this bleeding-heart country is. :-(

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 16, 2019 When I heard the loud car leave at 6:30 in the morning I said to myself, “Oh no! Just oh fucking no. They’re living here again!”

But I knew damn well they would be back sooner or later. I know how these manipulating rule-breakers work. The Phoenix freeloaders taught me well. They get caught at something, they behave for a while, then they see if they can get away with something a second time around and hope that no one will notice or bother reporting them.

The only positive to the cock leaving that early in the morning is that it could be a sign they’re working again. The 2 or 3 months I knew them to work when they last lived here, they’d leave at 6:30, return in the afternoon, and then go out again for 2 or 3 hours. On weekends it would come and go at least 3 times.

Then tonight, as I was finishing up on the treadmill, I saw it leave at quarter to ten. Using one of my old paper journals to start a car log. On days I’m sleeping on weekends I’ll leave it in the kitchen for Tom to log whenever he sees it. Leaving that late could mean they didn’t really move back in, but this car has been active anywhere at almost all hours of the day and night. Could return any second but I’ll know if it does. If I see that they are in fact living here, I’ll complain after a month. I just wish they’d stop coming and going so fucking much either way! Ironically enough, my earbuds started working again so I was protected from anything that went on while I slept. Who knows how many times they were in and out today?

My groin rash is a contagious fungus that I could have gotten from the fungus that’s been in my toenails forever now or from several other causes. I’m sure being fat doesn’t help. When I ordered groceries, I got antifungal cream for both my groin and my toenails. I didn’t realize this thing was contagious so I’ve set aside a hand towel for drying my groin which I’m applying alcohol to periodically. Could also be caused by friction from working out as much as I do.

Now for my worst news. I did okay until the end of my day when the anxiety really kicked up. If this really isn’t the medication, and experiments have shown it isn’t despite the coincidental timing of how it started after starting the medication, then I either have the worst case of perimenopause in the history of womankind or something really went wrong with my brain chemistry. I would still like to think that if worse comes to absolute worse, it will go away when he retires in half a decade but each year that I have this, I lose hope even though some things really can last for many years before they go away. The facial muscle twitches I had from the Navane lasted for decades. It’s been way better for the last few years or so. The thing is I don’t have that many decades left in the first place, which to me is kind of a good thing with all the problems I’m racking up.

I just read that researchers now believe that the brain firing too many neurons is what causes anxiety. But so late in life? That’s the part that seems the weirdest to me. Don’t you usually develop these things a lot younger? Depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, multiple personalities… Don’t those things usually start in the teens and 20s?

Placebo effect or not, an effect is an effect, so I compromised with myself. Instead of skipping my meds, I skipped the waiting time.

Anyway, I said there wasn’t a single good thing about aging other than the wisdom and maturity we acquire. Well, I was wrong. There is something good in it and that’s that each year that I live puts me one year closer to no longer having to deal with life’s bullshit. Can’t know if anything worse may be waiting for me on the other side if that other side exists, though.

I managed to sleep well last time around and dreamed of watching squirrels hatch from these eggs. I thought they were adorably cute and was telling Tom that I wanted to hug them.

Next thing I knew we were standing by the edge of a pond. There were several scattered ponds around us with gently sloping grassy fields running in between. There may have been a couple of other people around as well.

I watched how one of the squirrels jumped from the edge of the pond and flew into the middle of it.

Then I either thought of retiring or how we actually were retired. Not sure on that one but I think I was looking forward to when it would happen.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 15, 2019 Good to know Christiane wasn’t swallowed up by the Austrian avalanche after I messaged her, primarily in German. She said those people were “off the track.” She heard about the fires, too. Must’ve been an unwanted reminder of my existence for Nane, LOL.

Interestingly enough, my boobs aren’t as sore as they were before. It’s almost like my PMS is reversing itself. I still think I’ll get another period sooner or later, though.

My groin rash is driving me crazy. It’s definitely not connected to the LS. It’s more fungal or heat-related. They say body size doesn’t matter but somehow I get the feeling being so fucking fat doesn’t help. There’s simply no way I could ever lose weight and keep it off, though. I’m way past those days at this point. I would have to be seriously ill or have a disease with the opposite effect of Hashimoto’s.

Pussy itches every day, too. Without Tucks, I’d be clawing myself to death. Trying that on the groin but doubt it will help. Only hydrocortisone seems to really help but you’re not supposed to use that long-term. If I could, I could kill it and keep it away. As soon as I stop treating it, it worsens. How bad would it get, I wonder, if I never treated it at all?

Ended up being more anxious than usual yesterday but today I’m fine, thank God. I guess it was just because I hate that time of week. I hope that’s all it was, anyway!

I wish I could come up with fresh story ideas. I have the time for them and great tools at my fingertips yet no ideas come. The few that do, don’t last long and they’re basically spinoffs of the same old shit I usually write. Maybe I ought to take the beginnings of some of my stories and give them different endings.

I’m amazed that I slept well because my earbuds broke. Ordered a couple of cheap pairs for sleeping, one from the same company in red, and one from a different company in pink. They were both $12.

The only dream I remember was returning to a beach with Tom, Christine and maybe someone else. It seemed like we lived in the area. As I was walking from the car down to the beach, a boy of around 10 walked by and I thought he looked pretty tough for his age. I wondered if he could take me despite being shorter.

Then I headed toward the shore and stuck my toes in the water. I thought to myself how it had really warmed up in just the few days we were gone. I dove into a wave and found I didn’t surface as fast as I expected too, assuming I had gotten “caught in a swell.” Pretty sure I eventually broke through the surface. I seem to have a lot of dreams like that where I dive into a pool or an ocean and I can’t get back up. Or at least not when I think I will.

MONDAY, JANUARY 14, 2019 My bestie finished The Wrong Sister and liked it. :-) It’s always a pleasure to have her read my stories and I appreciate her pointing out some of the stupid mistakes I make too, LOL. Just sent her Renting Ginny. That was written once upon a time when I didn’t know the true meaning of the word anxiety.

When I feel borderline, I mark the calendar with a hollow circle which will be filled in solid on days I’m more than just borderline. I’m a little borderline now but I’m hoping that it’s just because it’s coming up to the start of the week. Sunday nights and Monday mornings are definitely my most hated time of the week.

Felt a little better after some pork chops and wine. I may need daily wine indefinitely. According to my research, a glass of wine a day shouldn’t hurt me. It can actually have benefits, especially red wine. It’s only if you drink heavily every day for a long time that you risk damaging your liver. I’ve never been drunk and I’ve never wanted to be. Just getting a buzz on is enough for me.

They raised the fairy I was going to get with my Bing points by $5 so I decided to hold off on it and see if they lower the price later on. For now, I’m going to get a few envelope openers since ours is getting blunt, and a new jewelry holder that will be more efficient. It consists of three separate T’s made of nickel and the tallest one is 19” high. What I like about this design is that I’d have a handy place for bracelets as well as necklaces. My carousel one is basically only good for necklaces. Some of the bracelets are too wide for the hooks.

Tom cut and placed pieces of cardboard around the sides and back of the guinea pigs’ cage to keep them from kicking shit out, and secured them with zip ties after punching holes in the tops of them. He also printed a couple of mini rakes to rake up anything they kick out in front so it doesn’t have to be vacuumed every day. We didn’t want to box them in too much because then we couldn’t see them and it would prevent good air circulation as well.

They’re definitely warming up to us more even though they’re still pretty skittish being prey animals as they are. They’re now taking food out of our hands. Blitz also seems to be growing faster than Rockefeller and now they seem similar in size. Even so, Rockefeller has been nibbling on Blitz’s ears, something they do to establish dominance like rats do their boxing thing that almost looks like they’re playing patty-cake.

Planes are moderately annoying tonight and Tom said that on and off there was loud traffic while I slept. Yeah, I don’t doubt it. Seems I might have heard something when either the earbuds slipped a bit or I had just gotten back into bed after getting up to pee.

This may look weird as hell but I took a spare pair of pantyhose and cut the legs off after tying a knot by the crotch. I’m going to use the top part of it as a hairnet, not only for my hair of course but for the MP3 player, too. Maybe if I bundle the wires and the player on the top of my head and then secure it with a net, I won’t get wrapped up in the wires so easily.

Starting to get a little crampy but I’m still not seeing red. Wish I would and just get the damn period over with so I can relieve the soreness in my boobies!

Had a dream where we lived in a house in which there were other identical homes along the street we lived on. We were getting ready to sell ours and I was worried that the outside sidewall just above a lower level (maybe above a garage?) was too damaged. I was at a neighboring house when I stepped back to see over the lower roof at the sidewall in that section which looked a lot like brown floorboards and said, “Beautiful,” as theirs was smooth and unmarked with nothing attached to it.

In another dream, I saw about half a dozen people I knew in a restaurant I was just “passing through”, including Becky H. I told them I wasn’t hungry and started to leave after greeting them until a waitress approached me saying they left me a meal as they too, left in the other direction. I sat down surprised and appreciative, gazing down at a plate of Alfredo and cheesy broccoli. I immediately suspected it was a present from Becky because she’s always been a real foodie.

In real life, she’s heavier than me and she definitely doesn’t work out or count calories, LOL. She doesn’t mind, though. She’s one of those who would rather live it up even if she may not live as long and may be inviting health problems along the way because of it.

I try to find a happy medium. I’m not going to stop exercising because I like the way it makes me feel and I like being as fit as I can be for my size and age. I’m also not going to stuff myself because I don’t like heartburn or want to open myself up to diabetes and higher cholesterol/blood pressure, but I’m also not going to set unrealistic goals and expect to get skinny and stay that way. I’m 53, not 23.

The dream I didn’t like was where I was thrown in some Mexican jail after mouthing off to some cop down there. Not sure what I said or how long I was to be in jail, but knowing that the wheels of justice likely turned much lower down there than they do here, I figured I would be there indefinitely. Therefore, I was contemplating not eating or drinking so I would die in just a couple of days or so. Not a fun dream at all. :-(

SATURDAY, JANUARY 12, 2019 Decided to post a random picture on my Twitter health account every time I take my vitamins so I know I’m not taking them too soon. If I forget if I’ve taken them, I can see if there’s a pic for the day and the time it was posted as well.

Went to Rite Aid for a few things and then we changed the pig’s cage and cleaned the fish’s filter and heater. The guinea pigs don’t have a circadian rhythm and will sleep a little, then get up, and back and forth. The fish definitely tends to be more active during the daytime, though.

It was a nice day today at 61° so we went for a brief walk when we got back from the store.

I haven’t had any chrome nail polish for centuries so I got a few bottles at Rite Aid in pink, blue and silver.

Now that they finally added some sound files to the Hawaiian course, I’ve taken three or four lessons so far and haven’t gotten any wrong yet. :-)

I also did Duolingo Stories in Spanish last night and German tonight and was surprised to beat my Spanish score if only by a little. Really didn’t think I would do that well with the German! Did I really learn that much of the ugly stuff? I guess I did, mostly thanks to Nane and a few others.

It’s been a surprisingly quiet day and night so far. Last night the planes were back to getting on my nerves. Not as bad as they were last year but they were getting there.

I don’t remember much in the way of dreams lately but it seems I woke up to a woman’s voice telling me something about great suffering ahead. She wasn’t speaking in a concerned tone either. She sounded menacing and evil. It creeped me out enough that it woke me up and I really hope it doesn’t mean anything. Haven’t had any anxiety today or yesterday so that’s good. I’m a little worried I might have a cavity by my bridge up top. No more crowns, though! If there is and she tells me it can’t be filled, I’m going to tell her to just pull the damn thing.

Signed up for a free month of Hulu and was glad to find two additional seasons of Law & Order SVU that I haven’t seen yet.

YES!!! Just got a message from my PCP saying that at this point she prefers me to continue with lifestyle changes instead of starting blood pressure medications. She said my blood pressure readings are good in the morning and she’s afraid with medication it may get too low and I may get dizzy. She concluded by telling me to just continue to check my blood pressure 2-3 times a week and bring the readings with my machine to my next visit.

I have absolutely NO problem with being told I DON’T need medication. NO problem, LOL.

I think I’ve now gone the longest I’ve ever gone without feeling even remotely horny. I miss those days. But they’re never coming back any more than my old figure or vision is so I suppose there’s no point in thinking much about it. It’s just part of aging. I think I’m just one of the few that would be more honest about it. I think women tend to be more open about these things while guys will tend to kid themselves and others. Or at least try to.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 11, 2019 My tits are getting sore and I know I’m going to get a period any minute now. Tits don’t lie. Been having backaches as well.

On the bright side, I’m happy to say I haven’t felt anxious today. I don’t know if this means anything or not, but when I first got up, I thought I might be in for a bad day. Shortly afterward, I sat down in a chair and after I did my tapping routine I said, “I don’t know if there’s a God up there but if you think you’re going to torture me with my own mind and body because there’s nothing else going on at the moment to whip my ass with, you’re wrong. Dead wrong. I’m done with this shit and I’m not going to take it anymore.”

Since then I’ve been fine. Is it good or bad, though, this nightly ritual where I have a little wine? And when I say “nightly ritual” I mean whenever I happen to be at the end of my day. I guess it can’t hurt. It’s just sparkling water spiked with hints of flavored wine. Only 5% alcohol as are wine coolers and spritzers. At least the ones I’ve had, anyway.

I’m also happy to say that they finally added some sound files to the Hawaiian course on Duolingo, although the course is still far from complete.

I slept shitty last night. Coincidentally or not, I forgot to put the bamboo plant on the headboard shelf before crashing. First I woke up just because and then the MP3 player died which I forgot to charge. So traffic woke me up several times, mostly the fucking garbage and green waste trucks. My ear was getting irritated from the earbud as well and to think that traffic is going to affect so much of my life for the next 20-something years makes me want to scream. Car stereos, yes, but traffic, for the most part, has never been an issue until I came to this fucking state.

Why do I always have to end up in the noisiest places and always get the flukes and extremes? What were the odds in Arizona that the house next door would be city-owned and rented to welfare bums? What were the odds that the duplex in Oregon would face the back of a duplex with a mother and daughter team going back and forth at all hours of the day and night? These are just a couple of examples, too. We just couldn’t have happened to end up on the other side of the circle or on a dead-end, could we? It wouldn’t exactly be peaceful there but it would be better than where we are.

My groin rash seems to be virtually immortal. Fortunately, it doesn’t itch that much because as soon as I get it under control it flares right back up. I’m tired of all these rashes I just can’t kill! The question is whether or not it’s lichen or fungal. It seems to be common regardless of body size. I know stress can make it worse and I was definitely stressed out yesterday and the day before when I learned my numbers.

Just when I was regretting the pigs and wondering how much of my lung tightness they could be responsible for, which I’m now pretty sure is connected to the weather changes and me being stressed out yesterday, they’re definitely warming up to me. Still probably always gonna give me a run for my money when I go to handle them but they’re definitely more comfortable sitting with me and don’t struggle as much as I’m picking them up.

What’s a little strange is how Rockefeller does all the talking. He was funny because as soon as he heard me come out of the bedroom when I got up early this afternoon, off he went. Blitz, on the other hand, is still pretty quiet. He’s not as brave as Rockefeller but he’s not as timid as he was before. These are probably the only noisy animals I enjoy and they don’t drive me crazy with their squeals and squeaks.

Along with cleaning the fish filter and heater which gets bits and pieces of debris trapped in the suction cups and other parts of them, we’re going to cut cardboard pieces to place at the sides and back of the pig cage so they can’t keep kicking out so much bedding and making a mess.

He’s going to be going to Sam’s Club tomorrow morning like he does every other Saturday. Sunday we’ll probably go out and pick up some things from Safeway. If not, we might go to Walgreens or Rite Aid or who knows where.

Watching a Netflix mini-series called Haunting. They’re said to be true stories but I have to wonder how they prove this. Either way, it still makes for good entertainment.

Been hearing way more planes tonight than I’ve heard so far this year. Please, please don’t tell me we’re going to go back to that shit! Just let me have my nights!

“You don’t think you’re fake?” someone asked me on Ask.

Hmm… Someone I’ve talked to that’s two-facing me? Someone who knows of me? Totally random?

I hope my friends really are my friends. Just can’t help but wonder if I blocked that person, would “that” person be Aly? She suspects Jase has been trolling her there so maybe it was him. People connected to Aly tend to be trouble. That’s why I hesitated to associate with Cam at first. They could turn on each other tomorrow and I could be trolled the next day. These days, though, it’d be much easier to shake him (or anyone else) off as I’m not nearly as public as I used to be.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 10, 2019 His Family:

Marge (the queen), his mother. She married Raymond who died in the mid-90s.

Ray, her oldest son has been dead for just over a decade. His wife was Nora. Kids: Pam, Jackie and Ryan. Grandkids: Jennifer.

David, her second child whom I forgot to mention in my VM. He’s married to Evie and they have a son and daughter, Parker and Nickolena.

Mary (Miss Perfect), her only daughter, married Dave.

Steven, her youngest. He married Carol and lives in the Fresno area. They have 2 sons, Matt and Chris.

Other relatives, mostly cousins, are Cindy, Johnny, Maria, Opal, Neva, Sandra, April, Bonita…

Find A Grave. It hit me all of a sudden yesterday that there was such a site and so I ran his mother’s name and found that Tom was right in suspecting she died years ago. Bitch died in February 2015 at the age of 91.

I finally decided it was time to give a few of his family members, without telling him about it, a piece of my mind. I was unable to locate Steven, Miss Perfect and Dave but I found several others, including David and Evie and their kids as well as Ryan and Jennifer. I sent them all the same message. I spoke from the heart and everything I said was 100% true too.

Here’s where it got strange. I immediately got a friend request from Jennifer and then Ryan. LOL. Jennifer and I even exchanged a few messages. I don’t think she had time to read my message before she replied but I don’t know how with it she is to begin with. She was just a little kid when we last saw her. Ryan is definitely mentally ill and has been on disability all his life.

Anyway, Jennifer asked where we were living now and I told her. Then she sent a friend request, saying she has a son now. Like I care? rolls eyes I told her no disrespect to her whatsoever (she didn’t do anything to us after all, and the only point of sending messages to multiple family members was to up my odds in at least one of them seeing it), but I couldn’t add her. I didn’t think to look up Sandra J, but I also found Cindy, Pam, Jackie, April and a few others that I’m pretty sure are related. The point is that once one sees it, the whole damn family will hear about it which is what I want. I especially want Miss Perfect to hear about it.

I went and blocked everyone I messaged.

The fact that no one in the family, especially Mary, never took the time to look us up and at least tell him that his shit of a mother died, tells me enough about them right there and stamps out any chance of me feeling any guilt for speaking my mind. He may not be reachable but I’m easy to Google and anyone can look me up on Facebook. All these years they could’ve reached out to us just to say, “Hello. How are you two doing?” but they never gave a shit. Ever.

I am seriously considering deactivating on Facebook for a number of reasons. I mostly have no need for it. There are only two more people I wouldn’t mind finding. But I don’t know Rosemarie’s last name, and if I haven’t found Steve by now, I’m not likely to ever find him. So what’s the point of keeping my account? To keep on seeing the same old political bullshit and food posts that only make me want to eat?

At the same time, I’m not sure I want to abandon everyone because I do have my cousin there and some Valleyhead sisters as well as a few good longtime cyber friends that might worry if I were to disappear.

I thought about telling Tom about the messages but I don’t want to worry him. I know how paranoid he gets at times. Personally, even if they all apologized, not that all of them owe us an apology, what would be the point in reconnecting? Tom doesn’t do social media and it would only be a matter of time before I would think they would want us to visit. Of course we would never step foot back in the state that did the horrible things it did to me, among other reasons.

The part in quotes is the message I sent.

“So Queen Marjorie died four years ago, I just learned, huh? The old me would wish her final moments were anything but kind to her but the present-day me feels nothing but contempt, disgust and even pity for a mother who chose to abandon her own son simply because he needed help one too many times. And after he did so, SO much for her while the rest of the family, excluding Mary and Dave, sat on their booties and did absolutely nothing. We lost thousands of dollars buying parts for all the projects Tom did for that woman at HIS expense. She always promised to “get him later” for it but later never came. The way that woman so easily and casually used anyone she could and then dumped them when she found them a “burden” or that she couldn’t benefit from them was utterly APPALLING but not nearly as appalling as her apparent conditional love and concern for her own son and his wife.”

Truly Spiked & Sparkling alcoholic beverages don’t taste that great but they warm me up and relax me. At least somewhat. I’ve really been on edge since learning my numbers that a part of me wishes I didn’t know what they were. Ignorance really can be bliss at times.

My lungs have been tight and I don’t know if it’s connected to the medication, the guinea pigs, the weather, or what. I just know I’ve been a bit more on edge these last couple of days and I worry that I’m on the verge of another vicious cycle of anxiety and will be at its mercy with absolutely no defense whatsoever. Once the adrenaline kicks up in my chest, I have never been able to find anything yet that will stop it. Not anything I do, take, eat or drink helps. I can calm a racing heart but I can’t kill those waves of anxiety once they start stabbing in and out of my chest. That’s when my thoughts tend to get dark and I start to feel hopeless. Like I said a million times, if there is any God up there that plans what happens to us or at least allows it to, what a cruel, torturous thing to do to someone!

Oddly enough, though, I felt better after 20 minutes of “ski blogging.” Plus, I’m having a little wine. Decided to ski blog since it’s been a while since I’ve skied and that way I don’t have to speak louder over the hum of the treadmill. Tom had just gone to bed, even though I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. Especially lying close to an air cleaner that’s always running which would drown me out.

I’m also not happy that after being delayed a day - ONTRAC is always late probably because they couldn’t get in the gate - the guinea pigs are too small for the playpen. Fucking Rockefeller busted right through one of the squares. I forget that they’re skinnier than they look. All that thick soft fur makes them look fuller than they are. Rats can collapse their rib cages and maybe that extends to guinea pigs as well. Hopefully, when they’re full-grown it won’t be an issue. It’s a nice pen otherwise. Cut my hand setting it up, but am wearing the highest quality Band-Aid I’ve ever worn, LOL. It totally fits like a second layer of skin.

I love how they squeak when they hear me coming or they want lettuce, but I’m just sick of the scaredy crap I’ve had to deal with for the most part for over a decade now. When are we going to have a pet that runs to us instead of away from us? When??? The only one here that seems to truly like having me around is Butterboy. I totally believe without a doubt that if he could breathe the air and walk on four legs, he would definitely be happy to see me. He would probably follow me around the house and gladly sit with me. He’s a surprisingly friendly, alert and intelligent fish. He just has that air about him that says, “Hello there. Nice to see you” when I walk into the room.

The guinea pigs don’t mind being held but not without a fight first. From my experience and from what I’ve read in pet forums, it’s common for guinea pigs to run when you go to pick them up. But once you’ve got them securely held, they’re fine.

Still nothing from Campbell’s and now I wonder why they really wanted my address. I definitely don’t need coupons for their cans of plastic anxiety soup, so I wonder what they really had in mind. To try to sue me for bashing them? Good luck with that, Campbell’s.

I was browsing YouTube when I randomly stumbled across a video on water fasting. This woman claims she did it for 21 days and that the first couple of days she was hungry as hell and felt weak and cold. It’s not only supposed to be a quick way to lose weight but is supposed to be good for your skin and hair and detox your digestive system and things like that.

But I still see the same problem I see with any other diet. Once you start eating again, the weight returns. You pretty much have to live a good part of your life on a diet if you want to lose weight and keep it off. If you can do that, you’re amazing. If you can’t, you’re human.

The Revenge series was going slow, so I moved on to something else. Watched the movie The Strangers on Netflix and it was great.

Amazingly, I didn’t hear the loud car at all yesterday but just after dark it came in and left a few minutes later. Probably to pick up rent money or food from its enabling parents. So, so glad that at least the planes haven’t been driving me as crazy!

I was going to use my first Bubbly account for generic things and the second one for things I would rather Aly not hear if she’s checking every now and then but was unable to log into my original account. Personally, I’m not finding Bubbly much fun anymore, so I don’t know that I’m going to bother using either account.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 9, 2019 Went to the lab yesterday and was able to request Shannon. Took her a minute to remember me, but I slowly came trickling back into her memory as we chatted. She had no trouble drawing a vial from the crook of my elbow since I hadn’t just gotten out of bed with not enough time to guzzle water beforehand.

When I got up at 10:30, I took my meds, fed my pretty fishy and piggies, then found my lab results had been sent just 4 hours ago.

T4 - 1.4 (normal) TSH - 7.50 (slightly high) T3 - 3.2 (normal)

Call me emotional, dramatic and a bit immature, but I couldn’t help but burst into tears of both delight and dread when I saw the 1.4. I was surprised. I was expecting 1.3 and a TSH around 11.

It’s pouring now as we await the playpen.

LOL! I just got up, stepped into the hallway to comment to Tom in his office about how hard it’s pouring now, and Rockefeller heard me and “called” for me. At least I think it was him. Blitz is still quite reserved.

Ah, rain stopped as suddenly as it started but I can hear it rolling off the carport and patio roof now. Oh, here it goes again, just not as hard.

And that damn car? It came and went yesterday morning around 10, returning just minutes later to spend the entire day here. Didn’t leave till 8. Haven’t heard it since getting up so it’s probably here.

Just got called for a second serving. Damn, these things are serious lettuce whores! I forget just how much of the stuff they can inhale. Gotta double up on greens. They eat way more than rats.

Anyway, other than trying not to think about the inevitable return of my anxiety, even though the particular type that’s been plaguing me on and off for the last couple of years is now looking like it’s not connected to the medication, I messaged both doctors at 1 with my results. It didn’t take long for Dr. A’s to appear as “reviewed,” but Doc O hasn’t gotten to hers yet.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 8, 2019 Was reading someone’s journal on Prosebox that mentioned shopping online at Cannabis Cowboys. They’re in Canada and so is the site. They seem to have all kinds of things for all kinds of physical and emotional ailments, and while some of them seem interesting, I’m not sure I would have the guts to experiment with any of them. A glass of wine before bed is one thing but I would see this as medication with potential side effects. Plus, I can never know what may not be good to take with the medication I’m on although there really isn’t much that can’t be taken with Levothyroxine; just usually not at the same time.

I’ve also seen in Andy just how bad marijuana can fuck up one’s brain. If I think I have memory issues now…

Going to the lab in the late afternoon and worried about my results. Today was one of those days I woke up deciding my skin and hair were too soft for me to be that hypo. But then there are times I worry my TSH is still high because of how good I’ve been feeling with absolutely no skips in just over six weeks. I worry also because of the way 50s usually brings my TSH down to 16, not 33. So I’m afraid my thyroid might have died off some more which would mean that if it was in the teens I would have to up my dose which would absolutely terrify me. I have suffered so, so much on and off these last four and a half years that I don’t want to do anything that might rock the boat.

Each week that I go without anxiety, I wonder a little more if the Amberen may have had more of a hand in it than I realized. I only tried it because they claim it has no side effects and I only found one or two complaints of increased anxiety.

My HR spiked to 110 yesterday morning, but it was likely because I’d just gotten out of a hot shower. It’s been averaging between the high 70s and low 80s which is wonderful. :-)

I don’t think I’ve ever had pigs this timid before and I’m really starting to believe there is as much of a pet curse on me as there is a noise curse. Ever since losing Tinkerbell. I’m not sure I believe in the afterlife but it’s like she’s out there and she knew she was queen and is jealous of any furry pet that might steal my heart.

Ah, but Tinkerbell, sweetie, if you’re out there, you will always be my number one!

Seriously, this is just ridiculous! I’m surprised I haven’t been pissed or shit on as is common when rats get scared. Rockefeller does make happy talk when Tom reaches into the cage and pats him, so he definitely likes him. He’s getting a little easier to handle but they still act like we’re going to kill them when we reach for them be it to pat them or to handle them. At least they’re eating well. Tom said they were playing this morning before he left for work.

We ordered a playpen for them and some lattice balls with bells in them that cats play with. I’ve seen videos with guinea pigs playing with them and it definitely seems like something they would like if they could ever loosen up and get more playful. The playpen has panels to create a walled-off area. There is no floor to it. But this way they can have more space to run around an hour or so each day. It wouldn’t work for rats because a rat could just climb or jump right out of it. I thought this would be a good place to sit with them since I’m small and where they could play with the balls. Even though they have a good-sized cage, the balls would roll easier on the carpet than on their bedding in the cage.

We also restarted the bedding subscription but we’re only going to get one bail a month.

That loud car has come around every day without fail. Yesterday they were only here once and for 15 minutes but still, why can’t this loser visit his parents once a week like most people?

Just when I think the planes are going to start driving me crazy again, I only end up hearing a few. I wasn’t up that late last night, though, and I’m sleeping in the early mornings so they could be worse than I know. I’ll find out soon enough if they’re back to being as annoying as usual.

Started my 8th book since joining KU. Definitely going to stock up on Willow Rose books after reading the few I downloaded after catching up on the Jon Athan books I wanted to read.

Started Revenge last night which is an eight-book set and is estimated to take nearly 46 hours to read. It’s about a black girl (I guess I’m a hypocrite for pointing out her race, LOL, which I hate when others do) who gets gang-raped by 10 rich white guys. She goes to medical school so she can seek revenge without leaving a trace. Definitely my kind of book as I love revenge stories.

Last night I had another one of those Valleyhead reunion dreams. I was showering before dinner in a community bathroom with several toilet and shower stalls. I chatted with Marie briefly after getting dressed and placing a couple of strange dolls in a chest or a box. Then I quickly texted someone and headed in search of the dining room. I asked this guy for directions to the dining room and he started giving me a hard time about it. I said something like, “Yeah, yeah, just tell me where it is.”

But then I found it on my own. It looked like a nice restaurant more so than a dining room. They had large tables and long booths with regular waitresses.

I saw people I recognized, including Kate Jackson, who was still young and hot. On one side of the booth sat three or four people with fewer people being on the side Kate was on. Those on the more crowded side were figuring out how to make room for me when I said, “Maybe I just won’t eat.”

But then someone suggested I sit by Kate, so I happily slid in next to her. Kate hugged me and gave me a kiss on the top of my head and I thanked her for being there for me earlier. I guess we had a private chat and I was grateful to her for it.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 6, 2019 Stumbled across an article on why the Keto Diet is worthless, and I agree. There are no magic foods or food combinations for weight loss, otherwise most people would be thin. It’s all about calories and I’m way past the point in life where my calorie intake has to be so low that I just couldn’t stand it short-term let alone indefinitely. Even if I could be 30 pounds lighter at the snap of my fingers, I’d never be able to keep it off. I’d rather just use common sense, keep active, and accept my aging body as it is and as it was meant to be. As long as I’m not severely obese, I’m okay with myself and with not trying to be something I’m not meant to be.

Finished watching Inside the World’s Toughest Prisons. While I’d hate to be in prison anywhere, Norway is the place to be if you have no choice. They’re single-man prison cells are like hotel rooms and the place isn’t filthy and overcrowded like in Costa Rica, for example. The prisons have no bars, have their own supermarket, you can’t get anything longer than a 21-year sentence, and the staff is encouraged to be friendly with the prisoners. Their attitude is that if you treat people like animals, you get an animal and that’s what you’ll be releasing back into society someday, and I totally agree. I mean sure, some people are born animals no matter how much dignity and respect you treat them with, and I personally wouldn’t like the idea of my murderer living in such a nice prison and being treated with the same kindness you’d treat a guest in a hotel with, but they definitely have a point. It’s why most abusers were abused, after all. People do tend to follow the examples set for them.

They also believe it’s pointless to make their punishment any rougher because being there in the first place is punishment. Right on again. Back when I was in jail I wished they would just let me do my damn time, even though I knew I didn’t deserve five minutes of it, and quit with all the bullshit along the way like the deliberately cold showers, cellmate shuffling, and barely edible food.

“We don’t want to make it fun for anyone,” one male DO had said.

Oh. You mean just being forced to be there and away from our homes, loved ones and pets were supposed to be “fun” by itself?

On the 4th episode of You and liking it very much. I was wondering when Joe was finally going to kill Benji and kind of hoping he would too, LOL. Didn’t care for the uncalled-for and unnecessary comment about Benji being the so-called “poster boy for white privilege.” You know, the one that doesn’t exist in 98% of the country? Do they realize just how offensive such comments are to those of us who have personally been victims of reverse discrimination? And yeah, there are more of us than anyone wants to believe.

Why do people have to refer to one’s color in the first place anyway? I’m tired of race always having to be pointed out whether it’s black or white. Can’t we just say “a person” or “a woman” or the person’s name and leave it at that? Really, enough with the race references! My husband’s name is Tom. Oh, he’s white, BTW. Now, did I really have to point that out? Is it necessary that people know that as if his color somehow defines who he is as a person?

Guinea pig update: The pigs are continuing to be super timid and I really hope I didn’t make the wrong choice when picking them out. I’m seriously coming to wonder if I’m meant to have timid animals as much as I’m meant to live in noisy places. It seems so. I just can’t catch a break when it comes to pets! The damn fish is way braver than they are for God’s sake, but the fish isn’t a warm, soft cuddly animal. In this state, only Tinkerboy and Sugar were friendly and sociable, then Sugar had a stroke. Hopefully, they’ll come around a little more, but I don’t know. Rockefeller was more curious today and started to come up to me, but he would quickly chicken out. They’re not quite taking food out of my hand but they started nibbling on some hay and lettuce as soon as I put it in the cage earlier today.

We had to run out and get a couple of roller bottles because these idiots were overdoing the swivel heads and wasting water when they’d get drinks.

Earlier we ran out to Safeway and got some things for them as well as stuff for us during what’s been a very wet and windy weekend. Let’s just say I haven’t had to deal with landscaping and motorcycles but just some loud traffic. Still, I wish I could jump in Butterboy’s tank and have my world be 78°, too!

Stage 1 is in the lead once again at 6 to 5. It might be a tie again when I do my end-of-the-day BP reading.

Aly’s other Twitter account is public again and Molly keeps changing handles.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 5, 2019 After waking up feeling a bit PMSy based on a little bit of soreness in my boobs, a couple of extra pounds in what seems to be water, and increased hunger along with a few scattered backaches, two little piggies went home.

We arrived at Petco as soon as it opened to increase our chances of them having guinea pigs in stock. The first two we looked at appeared to be brave and full of pep. They were munching on hay while “popcorning,” something guinea pigs do when they’re happy. I liked their colors but didn’t like that they were mostly hairless. I’ve never liked hairless animals of any breed. Even though they seemed to have great personalities, no one wants to have an ugly pet. Or at least what they personally don’t find pleasing to the eye.

Nearby were a couple of much-shyer American guinea pigs with the short fur I wanted. They were hiding in their burrow and weren’t too thrilled to be fished out of their tank but I have had some guinea pigs start off on the shy side that warmed up to me within a week or so. So hopefully I didn’t make a mistake in choosing appearance over personality. They have nice soft fur and one is a little older than the other. One has a mix of brown and white while the other has black and white with some brindle mixed in. They’re both males and were $40 each.

We got some vitamin C drops for their water as well as some chew toys, hay, and regular food. They’re on the top part of the cage. If they seem to be able to get up and down from the upper shelf, then I might open them to the lower level as well. Some reports say climbing ramps is good exercise for them while the guy in the store said that multi-levels aren’t good for them because they can’t bend their backs in the way rats can, and that much is true. They’re not nearly as flexible as rats. However, I think they can maneuver the ramps but definitely not climb the walls like rats can.

Unable to come up with names for them I picked their names using a random pet name generator. So the little guy is Blitz and the bigger guy is Rockefeller. I’m letting them get settled in while periodically going into the living room to pat them and sometimes pick them up. They’re still very timid and Rockefeller screamed at me once, LOL.

Lots of rain and wind today, especially wind. It’s just cold and miserable overall and I really wish we were someplace warm! We’re enjoying our time together, though, and just hanging out doing this and that. We replaced some of the betta’s water and now we’re doing our own thing.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 4, 2019 I am so SO fucking sick of the loud Subaru visiting not once but twice a day. You may as well live here if you’ve got to see your parents that often. I wish to hell this attention whore of a cock would get in an accident and total the fucking thing! I really do. For 3 fucking years now I have listened to this thing come and go hundreds of times and I’ve had enough! I know, though, that no matter where I lived there would always be some source(s) of annoyance. For the 5-6 more years we’re here, there’s no way this little fuck will give up that car, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there were more motorcycles each year.

Another thing I was surprised to hear after so long was Bob sawing but fortunately, it didn’t last long. Really hope he doesn’t go back to that shit on a regular basis. Just because we’ve been neighbors for over half a decade and have come to know and like each other doesn’t mean I want his noise penetrating the walls of our place. I don’t push my noise on him.

Almost done watching the complete collection of Forensic Files. Think I’ll try this Bird Box next that everyone’s been raving about. Plus, there are new episodes of Inside the World’s Toughest Prisons and I want to get back to You as well.

My HR has been amazingly low whenever I take my blood pressure, ranging between 75-81. Usually, I’m 85 or higher. I asked Tom if I should be worried and he said that when I usually check my HR, it’s because it’s high, so I’m probably like this more often than I realize. I sure feel good! I dread the day the anxiety returns but it always does so I know this calmness won’t last forever.

BP and HR readings so far… Systolic, diastolic, HR:

Jan 03, 2019. 02:06 PM 132 83 77 Jan 03, 2019. 02:19 AM 122 85 77 Jan 02, 2019. 12:27 PM 135 85 78 Jan 02, 2019. 12:13 AM 129 90 80 Jan 01, 2019. 10:35 AM 145 83 81 Jan 01, 2019. 01:05 AM 129 81 76

Not liking how there’s a sticker on my new medication bottle saying it’s the same medication I’ve been taking. The last time I saw that sticker was when they gave me the JSP brand and a week later I was anxious as hell which was just too coincidental. Yet I don’t see anything different. Still looks like Sandoz. Same shape and I’m pretty sure it’s the same color too.

Last night’s guinea pig-hunting dream wasn’t very promising. I would prefer an American guinea pig for its short hair. But in the dream, I went to the bathroom in this pet store and then returned to find the guy who worked there chatting with Tom and holding a box with two Abyssinians that were very light gray in color with some white. I asked if he had any Americans and Tom said, “I asked him that.”

The guy said he did but I’m not sure what he said next.

The planes haven’t been bad this morning but the loud car has already made its first of 2 or 3 trips in. Who the hell not only visits their parents this often but at 7:15 in the morning? So yeah, I think they’re doing some work for them because how else can the cock support himself?

Later…

Turns out that Virginia did have a heart attack when they took her away in the wee hours of Christmas Eve. She’s been in rehab ever since and is expected back home Monday. Bob said a guy was coming to install handlebars in the shower.

Poor thing! How sad and scary. Makes me definitely rethink getting old once again.

Christiane replied to my message wishing her a happy New Year. She said she’s going skiing in the Austrian Alps. Now let’s see her surprise me with a message for once, but you know what? I’m sure I’ll never hear from her again as long as I don’t message her first, and I can’t see myself doing that again in the future. Like I said, my one and only New Year’s resolution is to ditch the one-sided friendships and ignore those who don’t want anything to do with me.

What else is going on in the neighborhood? Not as much landscaping today but the loud car was here for 3 hours and I’m guessing it’s going to return any minute. I really need to try my influencing thing or some kind of spell to get rid of them. While I certainly wouldn’t want it to kill them, they need to be incapacitated for a while. Totaling the car wouldn’t do much good because someone that desperate to be heard and noticed is just going to turn around and replace it with something just as loud. I’m sure their parents will be happy to help too, as they seem to enable them to live such a slacker lifestyle to begin with.

I was looking at affordable, or at least hopefully affordable, waterfront mobile homes along Florida’s coast. It’s definitely going to be hard to get something in our price range that isn’t too old, too small or both. I would prefer to look out over the ocean but there are other water views that would be pleasant to see from a lanai or something like that with canals and lakes. It’s Florida, so there’s water everywhere. Don’t know for sure that that’s the state we’ll end up in but that would be my guess.

Went through some of my collectibles today and will definitely be getting rid of some older pieces. Cheap little plastic pieces and pieces that are chipped or broken or that I’m just sick of. Twinkle, my 22” fairy elf is now in the trash as I’ve definitely had enough of her after 15 years or so. 17 years, to be exact. Just checked my old journals. Funny as I got her almost 17 years ago to the day. Definitely a cheap, poorly made doll but she served her purpose. I removed her outfit before dumping her which wasn’t her original one but something I got from the Goodwill. Hillary can wear it and probably a couple of other dolls too. Not sure I really want to get rid of much of my collection unless I had to but I don’t expect to display most of it in the next place, wherever it is. I’ll just store them in plastic bins.

Tom is going to prep the cage when he gets home in case we do find a guinea pig or two tomorrow, and I sure hope we do! The trays, which are a bit big and bulky for me to handle, need to be hosed down. I attached the water bottles and a spare hammock. At the store, we gotta get hay, GP food, vitamin C drops, and wood chews.

Whenever we find one, I really hope it’s friendly and not timid. The thing is that guinea pigs tend to run and try to hide when you go to pick them up from their cage even long after they’ve gotten to know you and seem to be quite comfortable when they’re hanging out with you. Piggles in Phoenix used to do that and I found it annoying, and as funny as this may sound, it was also a bit insulting. I couldn’t help but take it personally after treating him like a king. Same with the last trio of rats. They were constantly acting like I was regularly beating the shit out of them. I do miss some guinea pig traits, though, like their happy chatter when being patted, squeaking for food…

THURSDAY, JANUARY 3, 2019 Heard a couple of planes this morning but nothing major yet. I’m sure they’ll be in full swing again soon enough just like I’m sure that loud car will zoom by the house in about three hours. They’ve got to be working for their parents somehow. They obviously don’t have any other job yet someone’s got to be paying for wherever they’re living, their cigarettes, and that fucking car.

While rats are the cutest and the smartest of the rodents, I don’t have the energy most days to give them the attention they demand and there are no guarantees that I’m ever going to get my energy back to where it was. It’s a fact of aging… Weight and blood pressure go up, energy goes down. Still hoping the blood pressure medication will give me more energy, whenever I start it, but I can’t know that for sure.

Mice, hamsters and gerbils may be cute but they’re out of the question because they’re messy, smelly and stupid.

Okay, that makes five planes in less than an hour and I’ve had enough, so on goes the air cleaner. Will probably ask Alexa to have sleep sounds play a random background sound as well since traffic, mowers, blowers and other shit is going to start in about an hour anyway. Just asked her. She chose “Fountain.”

As I was saying before I was distracted, due to lack of energy for rats and not finding much good other than having something cute to look at in mice, hamsters and gerbils, I was thinking of getting my second favorite breed of rodent which I’ve had many of, just not for a long time - guinea pigs! Not sure if we’ll get one or two but we’re going to check out some stores this weekend.

I’m already getting excited about the idea! I thought a guinea pig might be nice because they don’t require as much energy and attention but they’re smarter and more sociable than mice, hamsters and gerbils. They have some traits about them that are both better and worse than rats. They make better cuddle buddies compared to the very animated rat, but they shed way worse than rats which is part of why I prefer short-haired guinea pigs like the English or American guinea pig. I’ve had Abyssinians and Peruvians and while they may be cute, I would still prefer not to get a long-haired guinea pig. The fur gets tangled, and their turds and bedding can get matted in it as well. I kind of miss the sounds they make, too. I work far enough from where the cage is so their screaming wouldn’t bother me. They don’t usually scream unless they’re hungry anyway.

As long as we don’t get one that’s overly lazy like the last one we had, it should be able to climb the ramps to the upper levels of this cage easily enough. They just couldn’t climb the walls of the cage the way rats can. They don’t have the agility and the thinner bodies rats have or tails to help with balance.

So I thought a guinea pig would be a good compromise considering my current energy levels. It would also probably be gone by the time we moved.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 2, 2019 Ran out to Walgreens yesterday and it was just a degree above freezing. I’d kill to be in Hawaii or Florida or someplace warm now! I’d especially kill to live in this particular spot I noticed when looking at Google Maps at the park my parents lived in which I visited twice in my twenties. I wasn’t kidding when I said they lived high off the hog while I struggled, once having to steal tampons just to plug up my fucking bleeders.

My parents’ old place is in an absolutely gorgeous location, and some of the homes have spectacular views of the ocean. There was this one spot I would kill for because it’s not only at the end of a dead-end, but you have woods on one side and the ocean on the other. Being on a dead end doesn’t always do you much good if you’ve got a busy street running behind you. The street in front of us and on the side gets a moderate amount of traffic but the one in back gets an enormous amount. The park they lived in is also much smaller than this one so you’re not going to have as many residents, delivery trucks, visitors and caretakers coming and going. You also don’t have as much landscaping noise because they don’t have trees that lose leaves and make a mess as we do here and they pretty much mow everyone’s grass almost all at once. Here it’s up to each individual owner to take care of their own lot. There, the residents mostly only care for things like if they want to plant a rose bush outside their bedroom window or something like that. Even garbage day would be so much quieter there! Because I’m in the middle of such a maze, I have to listen to them wind in and out of so many circles, streets and dead ends. There they would just come and go like everywhere else I’ve ever lived.

When I would be at the beach at our summer cottage in Old Lyme, Connecticut which was just six cottages from where the sand starts on Breen Avenue, I would look across Long Island Sound and wonder exactly what was out there on the New York side about 10 miles away. Well, thanks to Google Maps, I could actually look and see and finally settle that curiosity. I could have done this years ago but only thought of it last night. So I looked and found out. There’s a lighthouse across the way and also some houses which it’s definitely safe to assume that only rich people can afford. There’s a place called Plum Island too, that few people if anyone seems to live on. I guess they mostly do animal research there.

What’s amazing is how much everything looks the same at the beach. The cottages haven’t changed much and I was surprised to find the vacant lot diagonally across the street from our cottage still vacant. I would have thought they’d have built something on it by now.

Anyway, I would LOVE to end up at the end of a dead-end with only one neighbor but I know that’s just a dream. It’s like something up there totally wants me to be in the middle of as much chaos as possible but like it or not, I’m used to noisy places and if that’s what’s as meant to be as it sure seems to be, then that opens up a lot of options for us since 98% of the places would be noisier than that dead end. Who knows, though? If we were suddenly in a place like that and I really am as cursed with noise as I’ve suspected I’ve been for a million years now, then whatever is cursing me would just have some insanely loud boats or planes going by all of a sudden for me to have to listen to. Also, even if we could afford it, there’s no guarantee that the place we want would be for sale to begin with. I would still take a fifty-year-old place in that spot rather than a brand-new one in the middle of a circus. It would be so ideal! We’d be so much more out of the way of things yet wouldn’t have to drive 45 minutes to get to civilization. Yesterday was pretty quiet but I’m sure I’ll be in for tons of landscaping and traffic today. So my noise-canceling headphones will definitely get used.

I would always totally support anyone who wanted to go on a diet and all that, and from what I’ve read on Prosebox, it seems the top two New Year’s resolutions are to either quit smoking or to lose weight, especially to lose weight. To each their own but I still don’t see the point in nearly killing myself for such minimal results that are only going to come undone in no time. I just can’t see myself having 1000 calories or less every day indefinitely and then not being able to eat much more in order to keep the weight off. I’ve learned through time that striving to be healthy is much more important than being skinny. Even Nurse Jennifer pointed out that the numbers on the scale aren’t exactly an indication of one’s health and she’s right. I’d rather keep my 30 extra pounds and just eat sensibly (and enough) and keep active. That way I shouldn’t gain any more. Most older people are heavy for a reason, though. If they could just lose it and keep it off, they would.

I misunderstood how the live health site works. I thought I could talk to a therapist instantaneously if I was alone when a panic attack hit but no, you still have to schedule an appointment. You can talk to a medical doctor right away but not therapists.

Tom reminded me that it’s totally up to me whether or not I want to schedule a video therapist appointment, see Stacey, or not see anyone at all. He insists I don’t worry about the time and money.

I think for now I’m just going to schedule the shrink later on this morning and forget about the therapist, video or not. I honestly don’t see what more they can do. As Dr. O said, I can’t just “talk this out.” The anxiety. They’ll always be there if I change my mind later on. Right now I’m just dreading the day the anxiety returns. I’m also worried about my upcoming lab results. This Friday will be 6 weeks on 75s, and even though how I feel is what matters most, I worry about my numbers being too high. It would make me anxious just seeing my T4 hit 1.4, but at the same time, I’m worried my TSH is still high.

Just scheduled the shrink appt. I think it’s pretty sad that it takes 8 fucking months to see one. I expected April or May, not August 29th.

I created a second Bubbly account since I ended up regretting telling Aly about it since I have no way of knowing if she’s curious enough to follow me there. Especially since I’ve learned that if you’re not logged in it won’t trigger the listen counter. The funny thing is that when I got the welcome email, I was the first of three people it recommended I listen to, LOL. These days I prefer people only to know what I tell them directly and I feel like I can speak more freely with this other account. There’s always the chance that Aly or Kim could be browsing users and happen to recognize my voice since I’m not using colorful pictures they would normally associate me with. If they do, though, they do. Until then, although I may never know if they do discover it unless they tell me, I feel like I can be more open.

Open about people like Aly. It’s quite a coincidence that while she says she no longer feels a need to protect tweets on the Twitter account we’re connected on, she goes and protects her other account. Now, why do I have a feeling it’s because she knows I’m following her there? She probably didn’t do it as soon as I slipped with the band name I shouldn’t have known cuz she figured that’d appear too obvious if she did.

Fine, let her say nasty shit about me that she doesn’t have the guts to tell me face-to-face in a manner I don’t see it in. Still wonder if I’m one of the ones she was considering toxic and in need of getting rid of, and while I prefer us to remain friends, if she dumps me, she dumps me. There won’t be a third reconciliation, though, if she does. She hasn’t given me any indication that she’s back to considering me as “not having anything to offer as a friend” or “bringing her down,” but she doesn’t always say what’s on her mind either. We haven’t been arguing about anything but who knows what she’s thinking? All I know is that if I’m making any New Year’s resolution at all, it’s that I resolve not to bother with those who don’t want to bother with me. You dump me, you lose me forever. End of story. And no looking up and reaching out to people from 20-30 years ago to say hi that never do the same to me. Let’s see someone else look me up for a change!

Tracking my blood pressure on ccctracker.com/aha and it seems to be an easy and convenient tool that even Tom created an account to track his as well. I like the way it also lets me record my amazingly good HR lately, and highlights the numbers with different colors, depending on if you’re normal, elevated, stage 1, stage 2, or in crisis. I can also create a PDF file to print copies for my doctor in March.

Had a dream involving a couple of younger ladies and I’m guessing I was young, too. Many of us, including myself, were suddenly displaced due to an apartment building either closing down or becoming inhabitable for some reason. A flaky girl with hot pink hair promised to let me stay with her before some kind of event that was going on that night. Not sure if it was a holiday or maybe it was just Saturday night and everyone was in a partying mood. It seemed like we were at some kind of outdoor mall. The weather was cold and crisp and there were many shops and eateries that people were milling in and out of.

I eventually lost track of the pink-haired girl who was supposed to give me a place to stay and ended up talking to a quieter, more conservatively dressed blond girl who said I could stay with her if the pink girl didn’t come through. I was so grateful that I promised to clean her place and give her a foot or back massage anytime she wanted. She didn’t say anything to that though I got the feeling that she liked me and was almost glad the pink girl wasn’t likely to make good on her word.

Deciding to make one last-ditch effort to locate the pink girl and find out what was going on, I told the blonde girl I would check this particular store out and then let her know if I could learn anything.

The blonde girl thought she should be the one to go in and see if she could find out any information, thinking the pink girl would be more likely to be more honest that way. She asked me for my favorite kind of gum as an “excuse” to enter the store.

I guess pink girl must have bailed because next thing I knew I was in the passenger seat of the blonde girl’s car as she drove down a dark and nearly deserted street.

Again I thanked her, saying it would have been too cold to be homeless that night.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 1, 2019 Citrus Heights, CA Age: 53

It’s been wonderful starting the new year off without all the damn planes but I’m sure they’ll be back in a day or so. Especially if it wasn’t just a holiday thing. I don’t know, maybe they built another airport closer to us. I’ll find out soon enough because they’ll be back at it late tonight or early tomorrow morning if it wasn’t just about the holidays.

Saw Nurse Jennifer yesterday and she wasn’t the one I thought I was going to be seeing. She’s an Asian woman I haven’t seen around the place before. Saw a couple of other nurses I recognized since I’ve been there 50 million times already but this is the first time I’ve seen Jennifer. She was a nice lady. She too, weighs about what I weigh and doesn’t look it because she’s active and fit.

She looked at my beautiful spreadsheet with my not-so-beautiful numbers and agreed my morning numbers aren’t too bad but my afternoon and evening numbers are high. Anything over 140 is worrisome and I have a lot of readings in the 140s-150s. 120/70 is optimal, 130/80 is our goal, but 140/90 is definitely high.

She gave me a sheet of paper with tips on reducing blood pressure and the best way to take BP readings, most of which I already knew.

I asked if high blood pressure could be causing my fatigue and dizziness and she said it definitely could because the heart has to pump harder which makes you tired, and because things can’t circulate properly, this can leave you dizzy. I could also have issues with the crystals in the inner ear.

The doctor, who won’t be back until Wednesday, must have known I would be coming in with shitty numbers because she decided I should go on a low dose of lisinopril. Tom was with me and he had forgotten the name of the blood pressure medication he was on before losartan that caused him to cough all the time. But as soon as he heard the name, he knew that was the one that made him cough. I’m so glad I took him in there with me! Jennifer did confirm that coughing is a side effect of lisinopril.

So I asked if I could try losartan instead since Tom hasn’t had any problem with it. He’s actually on the 2-in-1 that has a diuretic along with the BP medicine. I told her I had a medication phobia and that while it would be scary either way, it wouldn’t be as scary if I tried that instead. She said she saw it listed that I have a medication phobia.

She’s going to run it by the doctor and I’m guessing she won’t have any problem with trying me on losartan. Really REALLY hope it helps with my fatigue and dizziness!!! Polly said it helped hers and she’s been on blood pressure medication for years. It’s just that I woke up tired and dizzy, as I do most days, and my blood pressure was almost normal at that time. So does that mean there is no connection or what? I guess I’ll find out soon enough but not until the end of the week.

Wasn’t impressed with Excel or Google Docs spreadsheets so I made my own in Word and will be keeping a record of just my morning and nighttime readings.

For now, I’m going to enjoy the 77 days that I’ll be appointment-free!

[the-art-in-arthesia-is-loud]

incorrect quotes or whatever

ermmmmm WhaATTTTTTT........ :////// /j

also for some reason it's mostly trojan....and tempo......oh boy lol

———

Technicolour: I’m going to defeat you with the power of friendship! ... And this knife I found.

~

Destonio: You wanna see how hardcore I am?

Destonio: *punches wall*

Destonio:

Destonio: Take me to the hospital.

~

Fate: If you can’t beat them, dress better than them

~

Tempo: You’ll have a hard time believing this because it never happens, but I made a mistake.

~

Spinel: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress

~

Galactic: Fool me once, I’m gonna kill you

~

Destonio: Fuck.

Ars: We've got to work on your cursing.

Destonio: Why? I'm pretty good at cursing already.

~

Galactic: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

Trojan: It’s not a joke.

Trojan: *sniffles*

Trojan: I’m a legit snack.

~

Pupa: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.

Pamolia: You and me!!!

Pupa, tearing up: Okay.

~

Trojan: Must be hard not being able to laugh

Tempo: I do have a sense of humor you know

Trojan: I’ve never heard you laugh before

Tempo: I’ve never heard you say anything funny

~

Tempo: Trojan...

Trojan: Oh no, 'Trojan' in b-flat.

Trojan: You're disappointed.

~

Dark Ars: Someone will die.

Ars: Of fun!

~

Trojan: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.

Shifta: Subject Trojan, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.

~

Tempo: Trojan, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!

Trojan: Well of course I have.

Trojan: Have you ever tried going mad without power?

Trojan: It's boring.

~

Tempo, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.

Satellite: But – that’s just a trash can.

Tempo: It sure is!

~

Aleph: So are we flirting right now?

Pupa: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU

Aleph: That doesn’t answer my question

~

Trojan: You're right.

Tempo: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

~

Fate: I made tea.

Tessi: I don’t want tea.

Fate: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Tessi: Then why are you telling me?

Fate: It is a conversation starter.

Tessi: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Fate: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

~

Trojan: You love me, right, Tempo?

Tempo: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

~

Tempo: Is something burning?

Trojan: Just my love for you.

Tempo: Trojan, the toaster is on fire.

~

Spinel, trying to cheer the group up: Things could be worse, you know!

Galactic: How?

Spinel: How what?

Galactic: How could they be worse?

Spinel: They couldn’t, I lied.

Galactic:

~

Pupa: I prevented a murder today.

Pamolia: Really? How’d you do that?

Pupa: self control.

~

Destonio: I’m going to take you out

Technicolour: great, it’s a date!

Destonio: I meant that as a threat.

Technicolour: See you at five!

~

Destonio: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.

Fate: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!?

Destonio: No! Four to five seconds!

Fate: Too late!!!

~

Abstruse: *Gets down on one knee*

Arghena: Oh my god, it’s finally happening.

Abstruse: *Falls over*

Arghena: The poison is kicking in.

~

Tempo: Trojan... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?

Trojan: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.

Tempo:

Tempo: I wrote sanitize, Trojan.

~

Trojan: What’s up guys? I’m back.

Lucas: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.

Trojan: Death is a social construct.

~

Tempo: Terabyte, keep an eye on Trojan today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Terabyte: Sure, I’d love to see Trojan get punched.

Tempo: Try again.

Terabyte, sighing: I will stop Trojan from getting punched.

~

Ars: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Ana?

Ana: … No.

Lucas: I do!

Ars: I know, Lucas.

Lucas: I’m sad!

Ars: I know, Lucas.

~

Trojan: How's the sexiest person here~?

Tempo: I don't know, how are they~?

Trojan, flustered: I-

Terabyte, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

~

Ars: Lucas and I are having a baby.

Abstruse: That's gre-

Ars, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you, sign here.

~

Galactic, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Spinel, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids

Satellite: what the fuck are you guys doing?

Galactic: playing systemic oppression

~

Tempo: We need a distraction.

Shifta: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Trojan, whispering: My time has come

~

Ars: Lucas, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

Lucas: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later

Ars: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Aresi.

~

Ars: You have to apologize to Alxaid

Destonio: Fine.

Destonio: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

~

Moonlight: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Ad Astra: *turning to Fate* How tall are you?

~

Technicolour: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it

Primeval: Just rip the bandage off.

Technicolour: It’s Destonio.

Primeval: Put the bandage back on.

~

Pupa: HELP! I TOLD PAMOLIA I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK!

Spinel, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

~

Terabyte, whispering to Logos, who’s on the phone with Eimi: Ask them something!

Logos: How are you feeling?

Eimi: Fine.

Terabyte: Something personal!

Logos: At what age did you first get your period?

~

Tempo: While I’m gone, Trojan, you’re in charge.

Trojan: Yes!!!

Tempo, whispering: Shifta, you’re secretly in charge.

Shifta: Obviously.

~

Abstruse: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Eimi: Not if they consent to it.

Pupa: Depends who you’re stabbing.

Ars: YES?!?

~

Fate: I just ended a four year relationship.

Hikaru: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?

Fate: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.

*Destonio crying over Lumine on the edge of a cliff.*

~

Primeval: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Logos: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Technicolour: I got distracted about halfway through.

Eimi: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

~

Trojan: *Screams*

Ana: *Screams louder to establish dominance*

Ars: Should we do something?

Lucas: No, I want to see who wins.

~

Tempo, about Pamolia: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.

Trojan: Are we stealing them?

Terabyte: New or used?

Tempo: Wonderful responses, both of you.

~

Aleph: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions?

Destonio: Put spaghetti in it.

Aleph: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you.

Pupa: Put spaghetti in it.

Aleph: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.

Pamolia: Put spaghetti in it.

Aleph: I'm no longer taking suggestions.

~

Ars: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Lucas: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Ars: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING ABSTRUSE WITH ME

Ana, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

~

Trojan: I think we're missing something.

Galactic: Teamwork?

Shifta: Cohesion?

Tempo: A general sense of what we’re doing?

~

Ars: Why are Fate and Destonio sitting with their backs to each other?

Ad Astra: They had a fight.

Ars: Then why are they holding hands?

Ad Astra: They get sad when they fight.

———

okay okay thats all ehehehehe

[forestcat111]

ninjago incorrect quotes

kai: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me Lloyd: Okay, but in my defense, nya bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo. kai: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

kai: I know you snuck out last night, Lloyd. nya: Play dumb! Lloyd: Who's Lloyd? nya: NOT THAT DUMB!!!

kai, driving Lloyd and nya: So how was your day? Lloyd: We almost got surprise adopted! kai: What? nya: We almost got kidnapped. kai: Oh, okay. kai: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

kai: What do you think Lloyd will do for a distraction? nya: They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do. *Building explodes and several car alarms go off* nya: ... or they could do that.

kai, texting Lloyd: Lloyd! Help I’m being kidnapped nya: Where are you? kai: I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help. Lloyd: I’ll call nya. nya, answering their cell: Y’ello? Lloyd: Where’s kai? They texted me that they were being kidnapped. nya: kai? Whaddya mean, they're right next to me- nya: nya: I’ll call you back. *hangs up* nya: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN’T THAT BAD! kai: WHO ARE YOU?!

jay: cole was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some. cole: Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it. jay: cole, you ate a chair.

jay: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside cole: cole: jay, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn... jay: *Sips coffee from bowl*

jay: I was arrested for being too cool. cole: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

jay: Is something burning? cole: Just my love for you. jay: cole, the toaster is on fire.

jay: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume? cole: *chugs entire bottle* cole: It’s perfume.

kai: So what’s for dinner? cole, staring at the food they just burnt: Regret.

kai: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao cole: What did you do kai? kai: A MISTAKE

kai, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today! cole: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.

kai: How many kids do you have? zane: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?

kai: I'm incredibly fast at math. zane: Alright, what's 30x17? kai: 47 zane: That's not even close. kai: But it was fast.

kai: zane! My face is on fire! zane: kai! Are you ok?! kai: Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly. zane: But your face is on fire. kai: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.

morro: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait. lloyd: You and me!!! morro, tearing up: Okay.

morro: Someone will die. lloyd: Of fun!

morro: lloyd... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor? lloyd: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned. morro: morro: I wrote sanitize, lloyd.

morro: I'm a reverse necromancer. lloyd: Isn't that just killing people? morro: Ah, technicality.

morro: I prevented a murder today. lloyd: Really? How’d you do that? morro: self control.

[gods-favorite-autistic]

Incorrect Heroes Of Olympus:

(Starting with couples, going into trios, then mixing them all together)

Percy: So are we flirting right now?

Annabeth: I AM LITERALLY SPARRING WITH YOU

Percy: That doesn’t answer my question

-

Will, tending to Nico’s wounds: How would you rate your pain?

Nico: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

-

Nico: I prevented a murder today.

Will: Really? How’d you do that?

Nico: Self control.

-

Percy: Am I in trouble?

Annabeth: Take a guess.

Percy: No?

Annabeth: Take another guess.

-

Nico: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things.

*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*

Leo: *Out of breath* HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.

-

Jason: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

Piper: It’s not a joke.

Piper: *sniffles*

Piper: I’m a legit snack.

-

Percy: Remember when you didn't try to solve all your problems with attempted murder?

Nico: Stop romanticizing the past.

-

Leo: I can explain.

Jason: Can you?

Leo: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

-

Leo: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao

Frank: What did you do Leo?

Leo: A MISTAKE

Frank: YOU CAN CONTROL FIRE-

-

Hazel, while making a plan: I was thinking I'd do some magic-

Leo, instantly: You? Magic? Hazel, it says talent show.

-

Jason: Reyna! Reyna! Whaddya call a fish with no eye?

Reyna, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons

Jason:

Jason: fsh

-

Annabeth: This is such a bad idea.

Percy: Then why are you coming along?

Annabeth: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

-

Leo after the ‘saving Nico’ scene: Top 30 reasons why Leo is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you!

Hazel: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!!!

-

Piper: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Leo’s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get him out...

-

Grover: Are you sure this is the right direction?

Percy: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am smart!

Annabeth: In that case, we're definitely lost.

-

Leo, feral: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Jason: Leo no.

Piper: Mistlefoe!

Jason: Please stop encouraging him.

-

Nico: Hey, Frank? Can I get some dating advice?

Frank: Just because I’m with Hazel doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

-

Leo: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Annabeth does? I mean, what if they jumped off a cliff?

Jason: If Annabeth were to jump off a cliff, she would’ve done her due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Annabeth jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Leo: You jump off a cliff!

Jason: Gladly. Provided Annabeth did first.

Annabeth: Last time I jumped off a cliff I fell into Tartarus so maybe don’t-

-

Reyna: You have to apologize to Will

Nico: Fine.

Nico: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

-

Piper: We need a distraction.

Jason: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Leo, whispering: My time has come

-

Percy, driving Leo and Piper: So how was your day?

Leo: We almost got surprise adopted!

Percy: What?

Piper: We almost got kidnapped.

Percy: Oh, okay.

Percy: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

-

*The 7 is having dinner together*

Jason: Leo, can you pass the salt?

Leo: *Throws Nico across the table*

-

'Can I copy the homework?'

Frank and Hazel: I can help you with it!

Jason: Yeah, sure.

Piper: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.

Percy, stepson of the teacher: lol nope.

Leo: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!

Nico: *Read 5:55pm*

-

Leo: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.

Annabeth: Okay, but what is updog?

Hazel: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.

Frank: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.

Piper: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.

Percy: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.

Jason: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.

Nico: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.

Leo: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.

Annabeth: What’s a henway??

Leo: Oh, about five pounds.

-

Gaea: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world!

Percy: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.

Jason: More or less, I guess...

Hazel: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that!

Frank: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept.

Leo: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!

-

Percy: Croissants: dropped

Frank: Road: works ahead

Piper: BBQ sauce: on my titties

Jason: Shavacado: fre

Leo: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead

Hazel:

Hazel, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

-

Percy, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.

Nico: Hey.

Frank: Hi.

Hazel: Hello.

Piper: Hey!

Percy: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

Leo: We were out of Doritos.

-

Piper: Time for plan G.

Annabeth: Don’t you mean plan B?

Piper: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Jason: What about plan D?

Piper: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Hazel: What about plan E?

Piper: I’m hoping not to use it. Leo dies again in plan E.

Nico: I like plan E.

-

Jason: Dumbest scar stories, go!

Percy: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

Piper: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.

Annabeth: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

Hazel: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Leo:

Leo: I have emotional scars.

-

Nico: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Annabeth: >:O language

Frank: Yeah watch your fucking language

Jason: OKAY WHO TAUGHT FRANK THE FUCK WORD?

Leo: 'The fuck word'.

Hazel: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Percy: Oh my god they censored it

Leo: Say fuck, Hazel.

Piper: Do it, Hazel. Say fuck.

-

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*

Percy: Thanks fam!

Piper: oh no

Frank: *cries* I love you too

Leo: Sounds fake but okay

Hazel: *A flustered mess*

Annabeth: can i get a refund

-

Percy: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Nico: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents

Percy: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

Annabeth: Actually I did the math, Nico would have $225, not $0.15.

Nico: Fam I’m right here....

Piper: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Hazel: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Piper: Sorry I only have a dollar

Leo: :(

Jason: Hey I just realized Leo is right, Nico would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent

Hazel: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

Jason: You can buy anything you want with $22,500

Piper: Yeah and she wants soda and apply juice

Frank: Apply juice to what

Leo: Directly to the forehead

Annabeth: Great chat everyone

[sorin-in-the-sixth-sense]

Snupin Incorrect Quotes In Pink

Snape: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Lupin: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Snape: Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Lupin: Is it working?

*

Lupin: Okay, help me please!

Snape: Got two words for you.

Lupin: I bet they won't be helpful.

Snape: Your problem.

Lupin: I was right

*

Snape: Wow, Lupin, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Lupin: I literally shagged you yesterday.

Snape: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

*

Lupin: Hey Severus, can I get a sip of your water?

Snape: It's not water.

Lupin: Vodka, I like your style!

Snape: It's vinegar.

Lupin: Wh-Wha-

Snape: It's vinegar, COWARD.

*

Snape: I am not out of control! I'm a law abiding citizen!

Lupin: Really? Name one law

Snape: Don't kill people?

Lupin: That's on me. I set the bar too low.

*

Snape: You're right.

Lupin: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

*

Snape, after a lesson: I prevented a murder today.

Lupin: Really? How’d you do that?

Snape: self control.

*

Snape: Yeah I'm LGBT.

Snape: cuLt leader.

Snape: God hates me personally.

Snape: cowBoy hat.

Snape: *Sniffles* Trying my best.

*

Lupin: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY]

Snape: What the fuck is that?

Lupin: Remorse code.

Snape: I'm even angrier now.

*

Lupin, handing Sev a hot cup of tea: blow.

Snape: *shrugs and gets down on his knees*

Lupin: THE TEA-

*

Lupin: *Gets down on one knee*

Snape: Oh my god, it’s finally happening.

Lupin: *Falls over*

Snape: The poison is kicking in.

Harry: I KNEW IT

*

Snape: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.

Lupin, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

*

Lupin: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.

Snape: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.

*

Snape: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.

Lupin: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.

*

Snape: It’s dark in here

Lupin: Don’t worry dude I got this

Lupin: *Stomps their feet*

Lupin:: *Skechers light up*

*

Snape: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

*

Snape: I made tea.

Lupin: I don’t want tea.

Snape: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Lupin: Then why are you telling me?

Snape: It is a conversation starter.

Lupin: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Snape: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

*

Snape: The food is too hot, I cant eat it.

Lupin: You’re too hot and I still eat you

*

Snape: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Lupin: You're like 15 years old

Snape: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

*

Snape: What’s up guys? I’m back.

Lupin: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.

Snape: Death is a social construct.

*

Snape: Am I going too far?

Lupin: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.

*

Lupin: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside

Snape:

Snape: Lupin, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...

Lupin: *Sips coffee from bowl*

*

Lupin: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao

Snape:

*

Snape: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.

*

Snape: I came out here to attack people and I'm honestly having such a good time right now.

*

Lupin: You need more potassium, just eat yogurt then!

Snape: Yogurt is just fruit sperm. And I'm not gay.

*

Lupin: Know why I called you in here?

Snape: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic?

Lupin: *Stops pouring two glasses of wine.* Accidentally?

*

Snape: Lily, can I talk to you for a second?

Lily: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Remus are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?

Snape: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss.

Snape: I’ve read books.

*

Lupin: Pros and cons of dating me.

Lupin: Pros. You'll be the cute one.

Lupin: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

*

Lupin: Who hurt you?

Snape: *Snorting* What, do you want a list?

Lupin: ...Yes, actually.

*

Lupin: I would never say that Severus is a bitch and I don’t don’t like him. That’s not true… Severus is a bitch and I like him so much!

*

*Snape arguing with Lupin*

Snape: Just take what’s yours and go!

Lupin: Fine!

Lupin: *Tries to pick up Sev*

Lupin: Uh… Could you come with me?

*

Snape: I love you.

Lupin, not paying attention: What was that?

Snape: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

*

Lupin: It'll be fun.

Lupin: We'll make a day of it.

Lupin: Come on you punk bitch.

Snape: I can't believe I have to say this.

Snape: I don't have time to get tested for sti's with you tomorrow.

*

Snape: *Angrily presses Lupin against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?!

Lupin: ...

Lupin: Are we about to kiss-

*

Lupin: Do you hold any grudges?

Snape: *Thinks about the list they made of everyone who forgot to tell them ‘Happy Birthday’* No.

*

Lupin: You're violent.

Snape: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.

*

Lupin: Can you cut me some slack, Snape? I’m sort of in love.

Snape: I’m sorry, but that’s really not my problem.

Lupin: I’m in love with you.

Snape: *Blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.

*

Lupin: I think I just figured something out. I got to go.

Snape: Aren't you forgetting something?

Lupin: Uuh…*Hesitantly kisses Sev’s forehead before running out.*

Snape: No- Pay your bill!

*

Lupin: Are you ready to commit?

Snape: Like, a crime or a relationship?

*

Snape: Go fuck yourself.

Lupin, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch

*

Snape: Ugh, the milk expires tomorrow.

Lupin, hinting at their anniversary: Tomorrow’s a real special day, huh?

Snape, confused: Not for anyone who drinks milk.

*

Lupin: Severus is playing hard to get.

Lupin: Little does he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

*

Snape: Can I have 2 straws with that milkshake?

Lupin: Aww-

Snape: With 2 straws, I can drink it double as fast!

*

Snape: I owe you one.

Lupin: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.

*

Snape: So you like cats?

Lupin: Yeah.

Snape: *Tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*

*

Lupin: As top in this relationship, I think we should-

Snape: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.

*

Snape: I cant make it today, stress is bad for the baby.

Lupin: What baby?

Snape: Me.

*

Snape about Lupin: I’d never forgive myself if something happened to him and I wasn’t at his bedside to say “I told you so.”

*

Lupin: Fuck you

Snape: *takes an audibly exaggerated deep breath*

Lily: *in the background* NO SEV HE’S NOT WORTH IT-

Snape: please do

*

Snape: *kisses Lupin softly*

McGonnagal: Wait... didnt you two hate eachother?

Snape: Shit, you’re right

Snape: *kisses Lupin aggressively*

*

Lupin: I dont wanna date some pretty girl, I wanna date you!

Snape:

Lupin: Wow ok, that came out wrong.

*

Lupin: *Kisses Sev’s cheek*

Snape: . . .what was that?

Lupin: Affection?

Snape: Disgusting.

Snape: ...

Snape: Do it again

[peace-for-levi]

Isabel [Levi Ackerman x GN!Reader]

N.B: heya! if you're scrolling through the tags and thinking, "hey, i have read this before..." chances are you probably have! don't worry, this is not plagiarism. you read that on a - now - deleted blog (i had to restart for reasons i won't go into.) so i am reposting everything now!

synopsis: when levi's wife goes into labour, he has to drop the crude, cold façade he normally holds and be there in their time of need.

tw: possible inaccuracies as i have never been pregnant before LOL, reader is labouring, occasional use of she/her throughout, levi being soft ASF (self-indulgent all the way.)

--

You turned your head at the sound of the door and almost immediately, you felt the wintery gust flood through the narrow hallway of your house. You sucked in a breath, but you quickly smiled. After all, your husband had returned to your cosy cottage.

He shut the door behind him, and you saw him lean his head against it, heaving a great sigh. You frowned at how he almost always needed those few seconds to just process everything in his head before turning to face you. You instinctively brought a hand down to your swollen tummy - was this a good decision after all? Having a baby in these troubling, turbulent times?

But then he turned around again to face you and his face was illuminated by the amber-coloured light of the oil lamp. He saw you stirring the steaming pot of stew and his steely gaze softened immediately.

He smiled.

Don’t be silly, you chastised yourself for such thoughts, he’s happy with us.

Of course he was. He could calm down instantly looking at you. He walked over and shrugged off his forest green cloak and placed it on the counter next to you. War-torn hands reaching out and cupping your cheeks, he pressed his lips to your forehead. You felt his calloused thumbs rub against your temples and you leaned into his touch. Immediately his hands fell to your tummy and rubbed in circles.

“Dinner smells good,” he whispers softly against your lips, “how was your day?”

Dinner did smell good; nothing could beat some beef stew after a long day with your cast iron kettle hanging over the fire, right? He couldn’t wait until your bellies were filled and he could cosy up with you in front of the fire with a cup of black tea in his hand.

Your smile grew wider when he sank to his knees and nuzzled against your tummy. You were probably going to give birth in the next week or two. You lowered your right hand and allowed it to tread through his raven locks, your other hand still stirring to prevent any sticking to your pot.

“Eh…” you huffed out.

Levi pulled back for a bit. “Had an ‘eh’ day myself… What’s troubling you?”

“Just very crampy today and my back is killing me. Why did you have an ‘eh’ day?”

You almost laughed when you heard Levi’s heavy sigh, and it was a long sigh too. He closed his eyes as he recounted the disaster at HQ but… what with the amount of grief Levi had been through, there was very little that could faze him now.

Still, when he recounted to you that Hange accidentally launched one of their new projects - a thunder spear - into HQ and close to his office at that - while he was drinking his tea! - obviously he would be pretty livid. All that was destroyed in the fires of the aftermath were two bedrooms and a storage room, and thankfully no lives were lost, but he wasn’t going to forgive Hange for a while after this. You had to give him credit for his composure.

“I miss Hange, even in spite of these incidents.” You spoke.

You hadn’t seen Hange since you were discharged by Erwin at three months. Well, you had waved at her in the streets when you did your shopping for you and Levi and you might converse briefly, but she was always too busy to stop by for a chat. She did, however, say she’d be present for the birth.

“I bet he’d get along with Hange.”

“Still sure we’re having a boy?” your husband asked.

You yawned as exhaustion began to consume you more and more. “Yeah, he is giving me a lot of trouble like how his father used to.” You teased.

Levi only muttered something under his breath, and you weren’t quite sure what it was. He leaned back a bit and extended his index finger. “Oi, stop giving your mother a hard time. She’s tired.”

Another yawn. “I am, actually. I might pass on dinner tonight and just head to bed.”

Levi stood up again and eyed you curiously; wasn’t like you to skip dinner but he thought nothing of it. He mentioned he’d save some for you and with a chaste kiss to your lips, you made your way upstairs.

You opened the creaky, wooden door to your shared bedroom and when you disrobed, you rooted around for a clean nightgown in your drawers. You groaned as another sharp pain radiated around your lower back and pelvic area. You held onto the edge of the drawers with a white-knuckle grip. You had gotten cramps here and there before throughout your pregnancy, but these were just all-consuming. A few more whimpers and a few deep breaths though, and they subsided.

Hmm, weird, there’s no way it’s time already? I’m still a week or two early, you said to yourself. If he wants to come now, what will happen… would he be healthy?

You shook your head and made your way over to the bed, propping yourself up with a few pillows. It wasn’t long before Levi came into the room too with a candle in his hand before placing it down on his desk. As he removed his shirt, the dull light illuminated and highlighted his defined body. You smiled dozily at him and you were fast asleep before he could even climb into bed.

.

.

.

Awaking in the middle of the night with your husband’s arms wrapped around you was always a treat. He didn’t always sleep, and when he did, it was poor. But whenever his arms snaked around your chest with one hand resting on your tummy, you knew he was sleeping well. It gave you a chance to look at his unguarded and peaceful countenance.

You woke up with a feeling of heartburn that was hard to ignore so you decided a drink of water might be a good idea. You made your way downstairs, careful not to wake your sleeping husband. Leaning against the countertop once you reached the kitchen, you fetched yourself a glass of water and began to sip slowly.

Gulping the last bit down, you placed the glass in a sink and walked towards the stairs again… until you felt a gush of warm liquid flow down your legs.

Oh, crap!

You peered down at the pool of fluid between your legs that was now pooling in your hallway. Your mind froze and all you could do was stare for a few seconds.

“U-uh… Levi?!” you shrieked.

You heard a large thud from upstairs when he landed less than gracefully - unceremoniously, even - after jumping from your bed and he was quick to scurry down the stairs at the yell.

“What the hell?! Are you ok--?”

He stopped when his bare feet splashed against the pool of fluids between you both.

“Oh, my?” he questioned and peered down. “Is it that time already?”

You only blinked at his calmness at the situation. How was he not freaking out?! Your fingers moved to clench your soaking gown. He reached for your hands and walked you towards the front door. He stopped for a few seconds as he scratched his head in thought.

“Levi?!” you screeched at his silence.

He had to stay as calm as possible. It was something he was well used to, being a good captain and all. But it was so different in this situation. Seeing you panic like this and the gravity of the situation made him almost lose his composure. He was able to keep everything well hidden beneath his steely exterior and this was all because he was good at analysing typically abnormal situations.

This wasn’t a situation like this. All he had to do was be a supportive husband for you.

As he hurried down the stairs again, the realization dawned on him again.

Was this actually happening? Were you two going to be parents? Could you two do this?

Well, it was not like you had a choice now.

“Come, let’s get moving.” He said, holding you with one hand by the small of your back.

He assisted you back up the stairs as fast as your body would allow, but once you got to the bathroom just a few metres shy of your bedroom, that’s when you felt everything tighten and your breath became lodged in your throat. Your legs buckled as your hands gripped onto the architrave. Levi was quick to descend with you and hold your hand. A pained groan escaped your lips and you heard deep breaths beside you.

“Deep breaths, you can do it, [F/n]...” he said as he rubbed your back in circles. He tried to do deep breathing with you, taking long, exaggerated breaths. All to feel you a little less alone or too lost in your own pain.

It wasn’t the worst pain you had experienced - you were a former veteran of the Scouts after all - but that didn’t make the feeling pleasant either.

He propped up all the pillows to give you ample support and he placed a hand on your shin, gesturing you to keep your legs open. It seemed that the next contraction seemed to be taking its time, so he made the decision to alert the neighbours. This was a plan Levi had made with them a few months ago, that he’d call next door and ask them to go rush to the nurses and for Hange. Luckily for you two, HQ was no more than a five-minute walk away.

After slipping into a dress shirt and black slacks, he ran down the stairs and hopped over the wall to your neighbour. It was close to midnight now, but hopefully they’d be awake… If not, he’d have to leave you alone by yourself and that was not an option.

He rapped on the door and even called out to them, before knocking again. Thankfully, the middle-aged man and his wife seemed to be up and were quick to open the door.

Perhaps Levi looked a bit more flustered than he thought he did. Then again, as someone so composed all the time, any change in composure screamed out.

“Captain Levi? Is everything alright?” the wife asked.

Levi inhaled sharply. Damn, he was getting stressed already. If they were to shine the oil lamp up to his face, they would be able to see the sweat beading at his brows and how his pupils had narrowed from the intensity of the situation. “[F/n] has gone into labour, earlier than we expected. She needs the nurses a-and Hange--” Fuck, was he stuttering from it all? “I can’t leave her alone to get them and-”

The wife who was probably a good three inches shorter than him looked up at him and passed him a soft smile; a reassuring smile. She had been through all this before. She knew the chaos involved but knew the best thing he could be was a pillar of support for you. She placed her hands on his shoulders and got her to look at him. Normally he’d shrug off any physical contact from anyone that wasn’t you, but his mind was spiralling, and he was doing his best to hide it.

“Levi, it’s okay. Dear, you go get the nursing staff and Hange, okay?” she called out to her husband who had already saddled up in the meantime and taken off. “My husband will be back soon. Let me get you a few things.”

Levi tapped his foot impatiently as she pattered around the house for a bit. She came back with a bag of rags, towels and some knitted clothes.

“It’s important you stay calm, okay? What do you think you’ll have?”

Levi shrugged as he nodded his thanks. “I don’t know, of course, but [F/n] reckons we’ll have a boy.”

“Hmm… I think you’ll have a daughter!” she beamed.

Levi began to head out the door again. “Look, thank you so much for everything.”

“Best of luck, Levi,” she wished with a gleeful smile, “and congratulations.”

Levi nodded with the bag and headed back up the stairs of his home. He burst through the door of your bedroom and was immediately at your side again. He dropped the bag down at your bedside and reached for your hand. He caught you just in time for another contraction. You tried to steady yourself, but you cried out once more and gripped onto the blankets as another contraction overwhelmed you. You hastily grabbed a pillow and cried into it, trying to muffle your cries. Okay, it was official, this was the worst pain you had felt thus far, and all Levi could do was stare helplessly.

It’s not like he could do much. He couldn’t take away the pain from you, but by god, he wished he could. He’d deliver the child if biologically possible, anything to not see you in so much agony. But every time a contraction died away, you would re-emerge and tackle this again with an ungodly amount of strength.

And he couldn’t be prouder of you in these agonizing yet awe-inspiring moments.

You lowered your pillow when you vaguely heard the crowd of nurses patter into the room and everything kicked off. The lead nurse stated she’d be the main overseer to everything. At times, Levi’s mind flitted in and out of the conversation at hand from the nurses. His stare glossed over occasionally, and you couldn’t exactly decipher what it was he was feeling. Whatever it was he was feeling, he hid it well. He absent-mindedly rubbed the small of your back hoping you’d relax as the nurse checked your cervix. His ears perked up once he heard the number ‘three.’

“Three centimetres, seven to go, I reckon.”

“OOH, SEVEN?! HOW EXCITING!” a voice from outside screeched and Levi’s face fell flat. The bespectacled brunette burst through the door. “THAT’S SO FEW!”

“Hange.” Levi barked. He said nothing but his gaze said, be quiet now. “If you’re not gonna be helpful to [F/n], you can leave out the door you came in.”

“Sorry, sorry,” she aired as she rushed over to the other side of your bed and sat on top. “How are you doing, [f/n]? Anything I can do?” she asked. At first you shook your head, but when she mentioned that she brought a few scented candles to help soothe you - or at the very least, keep a gentle ambiance going - you perked up. “Okay, I’ll go light them. Levi, do you have any matches?”

“In the high cupboard left to the sink.” He said and she scurried down.

“Fuck… Levi, it’s happening again…” you groaned as you tossed your head back.

“I have you.” He reminded. He loosened his hand so you could squeeze it. With each contraction came a pain that dominated your entire being. In those moments, for those seconds that stretched into infinity, there was nothing else. Every contraction seemed to hurt more than before, and you would be left panting and almost delirious for a few seconds. Everything melted into the background when a contraction came; the nurses melted to nothing as did their encouraging cries.

But you remained grounded to Levi. He held your hand with every contraction and his lips were pressed to your sweaty temple. While you could only vaguely hear his encouraging words, he was still there and encouraging you to breathe deeply through it all, even if it hardly did anything to alleviate the pain.

“How much longer will this take?”

“She progressed quickly enough to get to the three so it may not take too long. Though it could just as easily be another few hours, or even well into tomorrow. I’m sorry, there’s no way of knowing.” The nurse replied.

Levi only nodded. He just wanted you to be okay and to make this as pain-free as possible. Hange came back in with the matches and began to light a few candles.

As time passed, your head fell. The contractions kept coming but you weren’t progressing as fast as you thought. By the time the second hour rolled by, you had only made it to four centimetres. You were reminded that you’d know when to push.

Levi couldn’t stand to see you in so much pain.

“Is there anything we can do?” he asked, now getting slightly panicked.

The nurse smiled sadly, knowing there was only so much they could do. “[F/n], how about a walk out in the fresh air?” she offered.

Levi peered over at you. Within the past two hours, he had acquired a basin and wet cloth, and was dabbing it occasionally on your forehead. “How about it?” he asked, repeating the motion of it as you lifted your head up again to receive his touch.

“If I walk down those stairs, I don’t think I’ll make it back up…” you huffed.

Hange had taken to holding your other hand too. Levi’s initial glare at her excitement seemed to do the trick and she was very helpful. Perhaps more proactive than the nurses. Then again, she was your best friend; she probably wanted to do everything under the sun.

“A bath may help?” Hange perked up. “Warm water and all?” to which you nodded.

Levi stood and pulled you up. Before you may have walked upright and with your back straight, but now you walked totally hunched over. He ordered for someone - anyone who could get there fastest - to draw a bath. A few stayed behind in the bedroom, taking turns supervising you.

Levi walked you towards the bathroom and unbuttoned your nightgown. With an ‘arms up’ command, he had it off you quickly and you were left in just your bra. He lowered you into the bath and you sat in the middle of the tub. He questioned why you weren’t going to lean back and that was when you asked him to come into the bath with you. He wasn’t going to fight you in the moment and rushed back to the bedroom and put on a pair of (swimming) shorts… or shorts he had no issue getting wet. Within mere seconds, he lowered himself into the bath and wrapped his legs loosely around your waist, his chest firm against your back. He began to rub your arms up and down and leaned over to press a kiss to your cheek.

“You’re doing so well.” He said. His tone lowered to a whisper when he heard you begin to weep. “Hey, hey, hey… What’s wrong? Ah-- Hange, can you go get us a basin?” he asked. Your face paled a little and he shouted for the Titan scientist to hurry as another contraction washed over you.

“L-Levi, I don’t feel right…”

“Hange!” he barked for the third time.

You brought a hand up to your mouth and expelled whatever food had been inside you from before. The pain of this contraction was so intense you had thrown up. Levi swept a thumb across your chin and Hange came in with a basin, and you spilled the rest into it. In fact, you threw up twice more. The bitter taste in your mouth left you feeling all disgusting and ‘icky’, and you let out a choked sob of frustration. Your body had you rocking back and forth on its own accord, trying to move with the pain so to speak, letting out pained groans through gnashed teeth.

Levi leaned you forward and began to rub your lower back. “Breathe. You gotta breathe, [f/n], come on.”

You shook your head as you wailed, almost sounding like you were giving in. “I can’t! It’s too much, Levi!”

“Hey,” he called gently. “Sniff the flowers,” he commanded and paused to breathe in, “and blow out the candles” and he exhaled. “You can do that for me?”

You weren’t sure about how the silly visual cue helped you at all, but you also knew Levi wasn’t going to quit saying it until you did what he told you to do. After a few deep breaths, you calmed down and your contraction died away. Levi continued to rub your lower back, offering whispered words of encouragement.

“Gosh, Shorty, aren’t you such a sweetie?” Hange jeered.

“Go away, Four Eyes.”

The contractions came and went, growing more and more intense. Levi sometimes opted to swish the water down and forth or turn on the tap, to give you something else to focus on. You weren’t sure how long you two stayed in the bath, but Levi helped lift you out once the water had gotten cold. Hange went to relight the candles, pillows were propped back up and you were moved back to your bedroom, to do the whole thing all over again.

And frankly, you weren’t sure how long you could hold on for. It was unbearable. As the hours ticked by until the wee morning, you were losing your strength.

“I’m sorry.” Levi mumbled as he kissed your matted hair.

“It hurts so much. I’m so tired.” You whispered, your voice dry and hoarse.

Levi looked up at the nurse and then over at the small clock on your bedside lock. Seven in the morning, so you had been labouring for seven hours, if not more if you were experiencing smaller contractions before your water broke.

How he ached to take all your pain away from you; to shoulder it all and save you from this agony. You both knew it would be worth it at the end, but the process of getting there was no doubt painful.

“You’re doing well. It’ll all be over soon, won’t it?” he asked and looked at the nurse.

“I’ll go see how far you are,” she said, softly. You let your legs widen as she did another cervical exam. You flinched a bit as you felt her gloved fingers inside. She gasped. “My, you’re almost there. Easily nine centimetres!”

For the first time in a couple hours, you felt genuine relief amidst all the chaos and pain.

.

.

.

Levi had sent the nurses and Hange downstairs an hour later, telling them they were free to help themselves to food stored in your cupboards. They had been crowding around you both for over eight hours now, they deserved a break too. You were fine with your husband sitting through your contractions with you, especially when you only had a centimetre or two left.

That was when you felt an excruciating pain down below, unlike anything you had felt all evening. Levi was at your side in seconds.

“What is it?”

“Hnnn!” you groaned out. This was it. This had to be it, the feeling the nurses told you about. An overwhelming amount of pressure was building between your legs and you let out a guttural noise. “Get Hange and the nurses.”

“Wait, is time? Now-”

“Get the fucking nurse, Levi!” you yelled, and he ran down to fetch them.

The pressure had your hips swaying into position, it was almost unbearable to refrain from pushing. The pain had your whole body trembling. Levi arrived back in with the nurses and you opened your legs at the lead nurse’s command. Your husband was sitting by your side once more, lacing his fingers with yours.

“I see a head! And plenty of hair too! The baby has moved into the birth canal. I need you to push on the next contraction.” She explained.

You heaved in massive strokes, starting to lose your breath. You were completely worn out now, body and mind. You all waited with bated breaths for the next contraction to hit. You took in a massive breath when you felt that familiar pain come back again. Your stomach tightened - everything tightened - as a scream ripped out from your throat.

“You have got to push harder, [f/n].” The nurse urged. Hange came in, sitting on the bed and shuffled onto the bed to hold your other hand.

You shook your head. There was no way you could, you were so depleted of energy.

“You can do this.” Your husband said.

“I can’t! You have to do it for me!” you wept into his arms.

“I would if I could.” He assured you.

The nurse called for your attention. “The next time you push, tuck your chin into your chest and push as though you got to do a number two. But push very hard.”

You blinked frantically. “Wait, what if I do poop?”

“That means you’re pushing right!” Hange cheered.

This entire conversation made Levi grimace, and it took every ounce of self-control to not cringe.

The final contraction hit and with whatever strength you could muster, you pushed through with a shrill cry. The baby began to crown, the hot stretching of flesh almost making you want to stop but you had to keep pushing through. You felt the head leave your body and you pushed through the rest of your contraction. You held onto Levi’s hand with such force he was pretty sure you could have broken it. And he would have taken it.

And then the pain left your body finally.

Tiny cries pierced the air.

Levi tilted your head back and his lips crashed against yours in a kiss that carried so many emotions with it; love, adoration, pride, elation and gratitude. He kissed you again and once more while your baby was being wrapped up. One of the extra nurses moved to clean you up and help deliver the placenta.

“A girl, congratulations.” The nurse whispered. Hange cracked a toothy grin, but she knew to step back and leave you two to have your moment.

You looked down at your wrapped-up little miracle, falling in-love instantly. Had her father’s hair and gunmetal eyes, but your eye shape and complexion. She also had your chin too. Your index finger rubbed against her plump cheeks and almost began to whimper again but with a few gentle hushes from you, she settled down once more. She was probably hungry too.

“She looks so much like you…” you whispered, looking up at your husband. The nurses and Hange took this as their cue to leave. Levi’s eyes had completely glossed over with a newfound vulnerable expression that you had never seen before. You could tell he was just itching to hold her, so as gently as you could, you shuffled over to the side to allow Levi to relax into the headrest. “Here, Levi.”

Your little girl was placed into his arms and a calloused thumb immediately went to trace under her eyes and around her cheeks, her forehead; everywhere. A swell of emotions overcame him like a tsunami crashing against the shoreline and he shut his eyes, tears flowing down his pallid cheeks and he made no effort to stop them. His lower lips trembled, and minute whimpers escaped his lips, but he was desperately clawing at whatever composure he had left to try to piece himself back together.

But he could cry, his daughter was here. He was a father now; he could be as emotional as he liked, and no one would care.

“Isabel.” You said, gently, and Levi nodded at the suggestion.

Levi’s thumb moved to his daughter’s fist and her fingers latched around it instantly, bringing his thumb to her mouth and began to suck. He let out a soft chuckle. “I think she’s hungry.”

“I bet she is.” You said, reaching out and taking a hold of her once more. The baby began to wriggle, and her arms broke free from the blanket, beginning to fuss. You lowered one side of your nightgown and held your daughter against your breast. She latched after a few seconds and by god was it uncomfortable. The feeling had you biting your lower lip in discomfort, but you just had to grin and bear it.

The three of you sat in silence for another half hour or so as you nursed your baby when you heard a knock on the door. Hange peeked her head around and smiled widely at you both.

“Shhh.” Levi was quick to say.

Hange tiptoed in. “I may have bought a few visitors…”

The raven-haired man’s face fell flat. “How many?”

And in came all of Levi’s newest squad and Erwin. He face-palmed at the noise and shrugged off his blazer to cover you and your daughter.

“Is this a bad time, Levi?”

“Yes, it’s a bad time. She’s barely been born a half hour and--”

“I KNEW IT WOULD BE A GIRL! TAKE THAT, MISTER DEATH WISH!” you heard come from outside the room. You only sighed softly.

“I tried to keep those two out of this,” Erwin mentioned as he walked over to the two of you. You removed your baby from your breast and buttoned up your nightgown again. The blonde smiled in pure adoration. “She’s so precious. Congratulations, Levi, [F/n].”

“Thank you, Erwin.” He replied and you nodded your thanks.

In your half-asleep state, you began to nurse again in front of everyone, not bothering to cover up. Levi sighed heavily and moved to cover you up again before you came through.

“Sir, we can call back later if you want.” Eren piped up, walking over to stand by his superior.

“It’s okay, Eren, this is natural. I don’t mind, provided you don’t stare too much.”

“I mind?!” Levi cried. With your free hand, you rested it on his hand. He took a deep breath and sighed. “Fine. You can stay, Jaeger. All of you can.”

Sasha and Connie were next to try to squeeze onto your too small bed for nine extra people.

“I brought her some potatoes!” she chimed and handed one to you. You had to politely explain that babies probably won’t eat until four months at the earliest. And even then, it would only be baby gloop and mushy foods. Not steamed potatoes.

Connie peaked over Levi’s shoulder. “Do you mind?” Levi asked him rhetorically.

“Nope,” he answered swiftly and saluted. On the wrong side. “Sir, why does it look squishy and ugly?”

And then ensued a fiery debate from everyone in the room (apart from Erwin) on why you shouldn’t call babies squishy and ugly, especially in front of their parents. Especially if one of those parents was one Levi Ackerman. But amidst all the commotion, both you and your baby were tuckered out. Levi was surprised that he saw you dozing off in spite of all the ruckus and that your baby was suckling away on nothing.

The short man may have had his doubts before Isabel was born but looking at everyone around here right now - being so chaotic and noisy, but so full of happiness and pride for you both - made all those negative thoughts wash away.

It took a bit of shuffling and squeaking of military boots, but eventually everyone was kicked out by Levi. He looked back fondly at you two, both of you sound asleep.

He would promise you both a normal, peaceful, family life one day. Even if he had to lay down his life doing it.

Because every doubt, struggle, emotional outburst, hormonal-fuelled argument led you both to this, and he would not trade it for the world.

This was his purpose; protect his beautiful wife and precious daughter.

And maybe one day, in the distant future, he would be able to spend more time with you two. In a world without Titans. In a world that was peaceful.

But for now, he had a small serving - a slice - of peace at home and he couldn’t wait to navigate this new chapter of his life with you.

[headingalaxys-spicy]

Hiya! I hope you’re not to busy or overwhelmed, but I had an idea I just couldn’t get out of my head. I’d you don’t like it, or you’re just not in the mood, then feel free to move on! Anyways, what about having a sort of crossover between your Omegaverse AU and your Demonverse AU?

Like, maybe a Demon! Reader decides to do some other-worldly dimension hopping and accidentally winds up in the Omegaverse world and either gets mistaken as an omega by some yandere alpha or reigns havoc as an alpha themselves? Or, maybe one of the yanderes of the Omegaverse somehow travel to the Demonverse and merge with their respective counterpart and gain their abilities?

It’s just an idea, and you don’t have to do anything with it if you don’t want to! I love how you write and I love the stories you come up with! Please drink some water for the time being, and have a great day or night! :D

🌟 I hope you’re having a fantastic day as well! 🌟

I’m going to start by saying I think this idea is badass and funny. Sorry, it takes me forever sometimes with asks. My brain just wanders into space a lot of the time and prevents me from doing things lol.

Demon verse and the Omegaverse as worlds on their own are filled to the brim with havoc and unhinged rulers IE the Axis and the Allies (This does include Spain, Canada, Prussia, and Romano). It’s well known that they maintain their rule through fear, magic, technology, politics, and dogma that leaves their subjects in disarray and led them to believe that where they are is where they’re meant to be. Nothing more nothing less.

Caste systems. In both worlds that kept things ‘together’ so to speak.

(Much more specific to the Omegaverse) Those who are meant to have power have it. Those won’t aren’t don’t. However, if they gain it. It will be a spark that the leads will want to extinguish as soon as humanly possible. They can’t have people critically question the existence of their rigid system and all of its flaws at its core. The individual(s) that started the movement will either have to be found out, betrayed, killed, or exiled.

You have a 60/40 chance of being killed or being exiled. Depending on what your status is and what you did when you participated in the discourse in trying to change things in the Omegaverse. If you’re like a super pretty Omega fighting for your rights and you have animal or fae attributes it’s more likely you might get exiled than a Beta that did the same things but lacked the physical attractiveness. But if that Beta was like an engineer, an important civil servant of sorts (Diplomat/ consulate worker), or like a doctor. Then the other options become available depending on the severity of your crimes. This also means that there are enough individuals in the Omegaverse society that there are enough who believe that the rulers need to be taken down. But the ability of other people who want to silence ideas like this will be overwhelming to dissenters.

In the Demon AU how things function is that there are Kings but generally cause more havoc in the human world that they live under and are content with their mainly fire and brimstone domain. OR they simply live by the mantra:

“I feeling like fucking shit up today because it’s in my nature to do so.”

Alright, enough with my ramblings on how I think things would work here is my scenario:

Y/N is a demon who wanted to be able to show up to the royal demon kings. She wanted to know if there was any way that other universes could give her some insight on what she can due to put an end to their rule or at least some of the other demon kings' rule. Maybe a weakness or a fatal flaw that she can utilize against them. You soon get to have fun being the leader of the hellfire.

You had created a device that looks like a chunky but cute hair clip in (favorite motif). It was designed with the intention to help you hop into another alternate universe for a short period of time. You selected a Universe that intrigued you.

The Omegaverse. Hmph. Must be a society of God’s or geeks or something. Y/N thought to herself as he prepped for the trip into an alternate universe.

Once she had the portal open she stepped in cautiously and went for a wild ride into that Universe. The portal changed her to look like one of them. Her horns, ears, and wings vanished and were replaced with normal-looking human skin and black butterfly fae wings. Which made you stand out in the Omegaverse but you at least were seen as one of them just an S-Class darling (Omega) that was meant for the higher-ups in society.

When you finally made it to the Omegaverse you were out in the middle of the largest city in ‘Murica where all the heads of state were present. There were also plenty of eyes to behold your beauty as your transformation into a Fae. While you paid no mind to the hundreds of eyes that were concentrated on you.

You questioned why some humans had animal ears, and tails, and you did see another fae with an older gentleman that was wearing a facey collar meant to look like the refined necklace that you’d seen plenty of humans on Earth wear. She gave you a sympathetic look with her bright grey eyes because she knew that Peacekeepers were coming to nab you.

‘Okay. This world is interesting. Definitely looks like a rank and file society for sure considering the distribution of quality in clothes, the collars on a lot of humans with the animal attributes.’ You did become concerned when some of the humans in grey and black uniforms began to make a circle around you and with their eyes never leaving your visage. They did make you a little uncomfortable in how they prowled towards you. Their stone-cold stares and weapons were drawn did make you fear for your life. Just a little but still.

“What the-AUGGGGH!” The net they had fired at you flew towards you like a hawk coming in for a small animal and it lit up with 1500 volts enough to stun you into submission but not to kill you. You could only make out a few sentences of the crowd as your vision began to fizzle out and your ears were trying to stay connected.

“Another one has appeared after all these years!”

“Daddy I want a Fae Omega like that one as a servant!”

“Yo snap a pic before they leave with her!”

“Thier wings! They’re onyx and ruby!”

From there. Your consciousness took you for a deep dive into an eternal black portal.

By the time you come to you’re on an examination table that had the head Alpha with glasses and sandy blonde hair with a cowlick is staring back at you. You glare at him.

‘Oh god, so that’s what he’s like in this universe ugly with blonde hair and fucking GLASSES? Man can I not wait to tell the King of Solar Dead that he looks like an idiot in this universe.”

“So Fae… why do you not have your owner, why are you alone and roaming about. Don’t you know that's it dangerous in the big city and for you illegal?”

You raise an eyebrow at him. Still not really taking him seriously. But at least you know your machine's disguise worked well. Alfred took your lack of response as defiance so he decided to try a different approach.

“Let me lay it out for you and show how much commotion you’ve caused today.” He pulls a remote from his jacket pocket a turns on a tv placed in the background alight with a news broadcast that aired maybe an hour ago with the stop new story that was purely about you and your appearance in his central square. Your video of you looking in awe at your surroundings was played over and over again up until you were arrested and taken down in a brutal manner.

🪞Well, at least it’s easy for you to find the leader's counterparts in this world. Even though the first thing they do is capture you.

🪞Bad news: You will have 0% freedom in this world since you are a fae. (ie a rare beautiful Omega

<not all the time but mostly it is an Omega> your the type of Omega for you at least means that only Alpha’s can own you legally. No one else in the lower classes can.)

🪞You will get stuck in this universe due to the fact that all of the nations will want you for themselves and it’s not like you can roam around in public with that form without being mobbed by beings that are interested in your existence.

🪞There will be at least 20+ people, cameras, monitors, microphones, and robots around you at all times. They watch your every move, breath, and twitch like a heated game at the finale.

🪞You will have a difficult time escaping since they did confiscate your dimension-hopping tool.

🪞However, the nations are kind enough to fill you in on e the history of the Omegaverse. Your reaction: ‘Wow this sucks. And I had to transform into a rare one too what luck.’ You’re in no way amused or interested by the prospect of having to be a servant that's pretty.

🪞You will fight them and have varying degrees of success and you’ve definitely made a mess in this universe, with no tangible way of fixing it.

But you’re a demon and not an Angel so why do you care?

[soulvee-animationz]

Queens of Caninia as incorrect quotes!!

@f-p-studios

Jenn: With great power comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.

Indy, threatening the others with a paintball gun: Listen... Life comes at us fast. We don't know what life is gonna give us... And today, it's gonna give you... a paintball! Katherina: Okay okay stop asking me if I'm straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a FUCKING THREAT.

Moon: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?' Moon: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.

Amber: You’ll have a hard time believing this because it never happens, but I made a mistake.

Fiona: Not trying to brag or anything, but I can wake up without an alarm clock now simply due to my crippling and overwhelming anxiety, so...

Jenn: I prevented a murder today. Katherina: Really? How’d you do that? Jenn: self control.

Jenn, standing with their back turned: I’ve been expecting you, Katherina. Katherina: How did you do that without turning around? Jenn: ... To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.

Jenn: I'm incredibly fast at math. Katherina: Alright, what's 30x17? Jenn: 47 Katherina: That's not even close. Jenn: But it was fast.

Indy: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.  Fiona: You're like 15 years old  Indy: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

Indy: Here's some advice Fiona: I didn't ask for any Indy: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me

Indy: Hey, you want some leftovers?  Fiona: What's that?  Indy: You've never had leftovers???  Fiona: No, because I'm not a quitter.

Amber: This is a mistake  Fiona, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!  Amber: But not today  Fiona, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess

Moon: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though. Amber: You need to stop.

Moon: Today is a day of running through hurdles. Amber: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles? Moon: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.

Fiona: Welcome, fellow idiots  Amber: Hello, Fiona  Fiona: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot  Amber: You underestimate me

Fiona: Do you think you’d actually notice if someone didn’t cast a shadow? Or if their limbs were just slightly too long? Or if they had just a little too many teeth? like how many times have you passed Something on the street and you just didn’t Notice It? Amber: Stay woke monsterfuckers ur love is out there!!!!! Fiona: Yknow what? Not my point at all in any way whatsoever, but I’m glad I could be an inspiration.

Fiona: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao  Amber: What did you do Fiona?  Fiona: A MISTAKE

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*  Moon: Thanks fam!  Jenn: oh no  Amber: *cries* I love you too  Katherina: Sounds fake but okay  Fiona: *A flustered mess*  Indy: can i get a refund

Moon: Hewwo.  Amber: Hihiiiiii!  Jenn: Greetings, Humans.  Katherina: Three kinds of people.  Fiona: I want pudding.  Moon: Four kinds of people.  Indy: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS?  Katherina: Five kinds of people.

Moon: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.  Amber: What if it bites me and it dies!?  Jenn: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Amber, learn to listen.  Fiona: What if it bites itself and I die?  Indy: That’s voodoo.  Katherina: What if it bites me and someone else dies?  Amber: That’s correlation, not causation.  Fiona: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?  Indy: That’s kinky.  Moon: Oh my God.

[opluffys]

What We Aren’t- Killer x Reader

this took me so long cuz i had no motivation to write it... i fucking love killer but i’m so lazy lol. i hate this but there’s not that many fics for him, so enjoy? idk i’ve been unhappy with my writing for a while ughhh. please enjoy even though it’s bad! *please let me know if something looks off in the writing, sometimes it copies weird!!*

-smut/nsfw-

You sat perched upon your small, uncomfortable office chair, calmly awaiting a very important call. All you had been doing this entire day was waiting, for that damn transponder snail to ring. How long does it take to read over one single paper and respond back?

Being a member of a Supernova's crew meant a lot of injuries, you were no fool, no. You knew the toll it'd take on you as a surgeon to become Kid's ship doctor. One would take a look at you and assume you had enjoyed the challenge, the thrill of getting a new patient under the operating table each hour with something new wrong with them.

No, that was not the case, not at all.

Goodness, you adored being a surgeon, of course! Holding that scalpel and practically slicing people open always made you giddy. A sadistic surgeon, guess that's what people would pinpoint you as. But those were just simple perks of being the ship doctor on the Victoria Punk.

The real treat was the second in command.

Every time you weren't blinded by the lights in the operating room, you would steal glances at the attractive man. How mysterious he was just did wonders for you...

Over the years that you had stayed, you obviously had made advances. You wouldn't say that Killer always had women throwing themselves at him, they must be blind, though. So of course when you hinted that you wanted him in a more, intimate, manner, he at times accepted.

The two of you were not in a relationship, in fact, the two of you had barely exchanged any words to one another. Even though you always treated his wounds with utmost care, and not a word was said. Just a simple thanks and he was on his way.

You didn't care, though. You were not, by any means, looking for a long term relationship. You did not have the time for that, and you probably never would, if you were to continue your role as a surgeon, that was all you could focus on.

You scribbled notes down messily, crossing names out on the list quickly. While you waited for the transponder snail to ring, you decided to doodle a list. It wasn't important, not in the slightest. But you wanted to see how each crew member had gotten injured and where. It wouldn't help, but it was fun to see such a thing.

You heard the door swing open, being caught just in time in order not to bang against the wall. You were about to yell at whoever burst inside in such a way, but then you saw that familiar mass of fluffy blonde hair.

"Well, hello." You said, settling back into the chair, hearing it give a weak squeak in response to any weight put onto it. You really needed to get a new chair.

Killer grunted in response, and a small sigh left your lips. At times, you would question why he wasn't so talkative like the rest of the crew.

You quickly ripped the list that you had made, tossing it in the nearest trash bin you could find. You figured now would be a time to make an actual list you would use, not one that would bring you petty amusement.

"So, what do you need? You don't look injured, and I only do surgeries. So go over to the others if you have a scratch you need checked." You said, scribbling more unreadable words down.

"Since when do you only do surgeries?" You heard an unfamiliar voice pipe in. In question, you rose your head from the notes over to the voice you heard. After seeing a random lackey holding bandages, you scoffed and gave an eye roll.

"Too many on this ship come to me everyday to go under my operating table. You know that? Imagine if I had to take care of everyone else who came to me with a runny nose crying for dear life. I'd go insane." You said, relaxing your skilled hands in your lap, smiling proudly. Of course you would end up helping anyone who wandered into your office regardless. You knew nobody else could take care of anyone like you.

You shooed the young boy out of the office, who smiled in return to your words, not believing a thing, he knew how soft you were.

You groaned loudly, putting your head against the table. Why couldn't you be a mean pirate like your captain? Refusing any with a small bruise on their arm. It's your own damn fault, being too nice to the crew members, acting like their damn mother.

You then returned to take your notes.

"I need painkillers."

You nearly had a heart attack.

"You're gonna fucking end me..!" You gasped, feeling your heart beat quicken.

You calmed down quickly, your heart still beating quite quickly. Not because of how scared you were, but because of who was in front of you.

"Why?"

"I've been feeling a little sore and tense lately." Killer replied, leaning on the wall.

You laughed, bringing your hand to your mouth. "I can give you painkillers for that, but it can easily go away by a simple massage." You said, kicking your legs up onto the table. Hell, it was disrespectful, but it was your office. You could do whatever the fuck you wanted here.

"And I think I could help you out with that." You added, sounding a little suggestive about a simple favour to a friend, if you could call him such a thing.

"I thought you only did surgeries..?" He said, and you could've swore you heard a slight teasing undertone. Sly bastard...

You didn't bother a reply, you did not want to bicker with the man. Especially at a time where just a look at him paired with the sound of his voice would ignite your entire body on fire.

You sauntered over to him, urging him to take a seat. He did so, and you knew your chair couldn't take his mass of muscles for very long.

"Your shirt." You said from your place behind him. You were sure the both of you knew he didn't really need his shirt off. But ugh, that back of his...

You obviously were not a masseuse, but how hard could it be?

You dipped your fingers into his skin lightly, pushing harder when he didn't say anything to put a stop to you.

After around thirty or so minutes, you could've cooked anything with just the temperature of your skin. You were dying to be under the man in front of you, harsh nail markings sporting his sculpted back.

You leaned in a little closer, pressing your lips against the nape of his neck. He immediately stiffened, not being used to such a loving gesture.

"So? How does it feel now?" You questioned, spinning him around to view you.

You took a seat on his thighs, a much better place to be seated than your chair.

"I hope I made you feel at least a little better. It would hurt my reputation if one of my patients left without being helped, even just a bit." You grinned, hands roaming all over his built chest.

His breath hitched as you began to move your hips against him, feeling his hands attach to you.

"Now?" Killer questioned, not seeming to protest against any of your actions.

"Why not? I've been awaiting a call, but it looks like that idiot forgot about it."

It seems as if that were all the affirmation he needed, because soon after you said that, you were pushed harshly against your own desk, a surprised squeak coming from you.

Your garments were ripped off with haste, a lazy smile spread across your reddened lips.

Within seconds, you were just an utter mess. You always questioned how he always knew what your body had craved from him.      

He quickly pushed your soaked panties aside, sliding his fingers against your slick folds. You bit your lip to try to prevent any unwanted noise from leaving you, but just the sheer skill he had was too much for you.

Your cheek was against the desk, your mouth slightly agape. Such a lewd face you had made, and all he had done was a little teasing.

"So wet already. What have we done that was exciting?"

You whimpered in response, pushing your hips back in hopes of feeling his fingers, or rather, something else, fill your insides.

You felt his presence flush against your back, "Or maybe," he pushed his fingers inside agonizingly slow, nearly causing your death, "this had been on your mind the entire day?"

Fuck, this man was a master at reading people.

Your hands were balled into fists, nails creating marks on your soft palm. You didn't want to give in, you didn't want to beg, but your mind was beginning to disagree with your pride.

"No. That's not the case..." You gasped, feeling his thick fingers curling inside of you, "Hmm, I don't like liars. But, I do like watching you squirm."

"All you have to do is tell me the truth, come on. I know you can do it." Sick bastard. Fuck him. Yeah, you didn't need him, you could finish yourself off, if needed.

"I already told you," You took a deep breath, feeling him move behind you with ill intentions, "all that I've done today was wait for a call. Then, I'd seen you... My thoughts had run for a little, that's all."

Yeah right! Like he'd believe such a thing! This seems like a child who took something they shouldn't. It wasn't your fault, you weren't working properly. Your mind had become wired on feeling Killer inside of you, and that's what you had needed.

You heard shuffling behind you, followed by the removal of his digits. You grumbled unhappily, was he really hellbent on you admitting something that didn't matter? You were both adults, and adults were supposed to get mad behind closed doors. Yup.

While you had been lost in thought, you felt his tip press against your dripping entrance. Finally! About time! You almost broke out in song you were so happy.

You won this little dispute.

Actually, no. You didn't.

He pushed himself inside rather slowly, cock snug against your velvety walls. You expected him to start moving, or at least do anything. But nope.

Nothing.

"Seriously..." You mumbled, trying to move back into him, obviously he didn't allow this, hands stopping any of your ministrations.

This is fine. You were going to be okay like this. You weren't going to give up. You wanted to be a pirate, so you couldn't just rip your pride to shreds.

You knew he couldn't last longer than you. He would crack eventually, and you would triumph. In this case, it was seen as the opposite.

"You really can't admit it, can you?"

No! You couldn't! It wasn't the truth... Mhm, just keep telling yourself that.

You knew he obviously didn't care, he just loved to see you have an internal meltdown. He would use anything and everything he could against you. You could practically hear the 'teehee' come from the bastard.

He took a seat on your tiny chair, bringing you with him while the chair squeaked in discomfort. Now sitting upright on him, oh this wasn't good for you. You could feel him deeper inside of you and you craved more. You craved sweet friction of any kind.

You squeezed around him tightly, trying to ease him into forgetting about this little feud.

You heard his breathing become slightly uneven after that, you grinned, you had an ace up your sleeve.

"What kind of monster takes teasing to such a level?" You politely asked, slightly raising your hips. He wasn't able to stop you in time as you sank onto him slowly.

He was so heavy inside of you, you couldn't take it anymore. You wanted him to fuck you until your mind stopped working. You just got a little taste of what you could have, and you wanted more, you wanted it all.

"How about we take a rain check on this. I think we're both a little needy today." You smiled, you're such a genius. This way, you didn't lose. No, you won. You wanted to tell him to suck it, but you had boundaries.

"Fine. But next time, don't expect me to give in so easily." He sighed, getting a better grip on your hips.

You turned around briefly, seating yourself back onto him. You always secretly enjoyed being so close to him, hearing his heartbeat in an irregular way. Maybe it was because you were so close. Your face heated up a bit, no, that couldn't be it. You placed you hands on his chest gently, "You can move now." You braced yourself for a second, at times, the two of you had gotten a bit rough. You didn't mind, as long as the both of you enjoyed it, you were happy.

He lifted you slightly, you felt a little empty for a moment but sighed blissfully when you felt him back inside.

This was an odd pace... Almost like he was taking how you felt in consideration. Usually you fucked like animals, but this? This was more of a lovers pace. Even the way he held you, it was gentle, for such a large man you hadn't thought he could hold you in such a way.

Maybe he was still teasing, going at a slower pace than you were used to. You could wait a little, at least he was moving now. Your head made contact with his chest, a slightly more comfortable pose for you.

How awkward for him! Your soft hands at his chest lovingly, your face against him while he slowly pumped inside of you... This is what lovers would do, not people who just wanted a quick session... He almost imagined you looking up at him with teary eyes, mumbling an 'I love you'.

He too, felt his face warm. It was such an uncomfortable feeling for someone who didn't welcome such emotions.

A small part of you somewhat enjoyed this, being next to him like this. You wished you could feel his lips plush against your own at this very moment. You smiled while in thought.

He looked down at you through the holes in his mask, he didn't expect such a serene look on you..! You had been liked this, hadn't you? Holding him while you had sighed and whimpered with want.

He took no time to pull out of you, flip you the other way, so you were, once again, facing the desk. He shoved himself inside, pounding into you at a more wanted rate.

All of this has happened very fast. Literally blink of an eye. You had no time to adjust whatsoever, from a slow and leisurely pace, to harsh snapping of the hips.

The expression on your face was priceless, but also very vulgar. The illusion of lovers was wiped away instantly, meaningless pleasure filling its slot.

Your muscles had stopped supporting you, your body nearly becoming lifeless. You silently depended on Killer to keep your body from not falling off of the desk. You laughed imagining this actually happening.

Your eyes screwed shut while your lips had only been able to form, 'yes yes yes!'. You knew his ego was through the roof right now, having a girl under him screaming for more.

And you were right, spot on, actually.

Again, Killer didn't always have women offering themselves to him. You however, would happily flock to him anytime he felt like he needed to relieve some stress.

He looked down at you again, seeing your greedy cunt swallow his cock with urgency put him in a trance. Fuck you took him too good. It was literally as if you were the missing piece to his life.

The way your insides clenched around his length every single time he moved a single muscle, paired with your small and delicate moans... He felt like he'd break you in an instant at such a pace. But he knew you could take it, he wanted you to take all of him every time the two of you do this.

Tears came out of your closed eyes due to the intensity your body was undergoing. It felt fucking phenomenal to be stretched and filled and body bent while being pushed into the uncomfortable wood of the desk. God, you nearly unraveled right there.

Your grip on the desk tightened, knuckled turning a burning white. You couldn't go on forever, you knew that. But with the earlier teasing, you were going to be finished soon.

"Oh fuck yes... Right there fuck yes!!" You screamed, the feeling of pleasure skyrocket when he brushed against that sweet bundle of nerves inside.

"Right here, huh..?" He hummed, large hand caressing the curve of your ass. You panted and whispered something even you didn't know in response. You were just broken at this point.

You were certainly not prepared for when he continued to slam into that desired spot over, and over, and- oh fuck you couldn't handle this shit.

Your orgasm hit you fucking hard, you felt lifeless. Completely and utterly dead.

Seeing you moan and whimper desperately beneath him was, simply, hot as fuck to Killer. The way your body silently begged for more with every thrust, you lightly convulsing and squeezing him when you had gotten close, and the sudden outburst when you had finished... It just kept replaying in his head over, and over, and- oh fuck he couldn't handle this shit.

A deep grunt left him and he pushed deep inside of you again, a quiet whimper coming from you since you were so sensitive. His tip giving a final kiss to your insides, and finally sealing his hot release in you.

You mumbled incoherently while you struggled to get up, trying to pull on your panties.

"Woah, no need to waste." He grinned, pushing a finger into your entrance, keeping his cum inside.

You lightly fell onto his lap, not knowing he'd still stimulate your exhausted nerves. You turned your head into his hard chest and nearly cried.

"Don't be an asshole..." You muttered lowly, looking up at him, "Someone might come in and see."

"So? Maybe it's a kink of yours..." He replied, voice slightly hinting a mischievous undertone.

You snickered, rolling your eyes. When he wasn't so scary, he was quite pleasant to be around.

"Maybe... We might explore some of your kinks too." You giggled, feeling him stiffen at your response. Usually after sex the two of you would go separate ways. You would never bask in the afterglow with him, at least not this long. Talking so casually, too.

You were scared at what the two of you shouldn't become. This was a dangerous life, you couldn't get attached.

And finally the fucking phone rang.

It was as you hadn't just had the best sex of your life, finally this idiot had done what you asked. Who the hell knows why it took him so long.

"Yes? Hello?" You answered, getting off of your comfortable seat, which had been Killer, and leant against the desk.

"What a fucking view..." He mumbled to himself. It seemed that you had forgotten to put your garments on, just how important was this call?

You faked a laugh, this fucker said he went to the wrong island. How. How did that happen..? You would be sure to give him hell when he came back.

"It's okay! It's okay, I'm not mad!" Yeah, you're fucking seething. He was lucky you got remarkable sex out of this.

"Yes, please tell me how much they want for it? Also don't forget to try to swindle them for it, okay? I know you're a shy bastard but you can do it!" You said into the phone. He better get your herbs. You need these stupid little fucking plants or else you couldn't make your medicine.

"Holy shit, that's a lot of money... Well can you try-"

Oh he did not just.

While you were on the phone.

Your assistant constantly asked if you were okay, a shaky answer leaving your red lips.

"Hold on a second sweetie." You said calmly into the phone, acting like you didn't once again, have a huge cock deep inside of you.

"While I'm talking to someone? You couldn't fucking wait?" You whispered, bending slightly. This man had no shame, he wanted you to take it all, clearly.

"Let's see how quiet you can be." He retorted, not even acting like he'd done anything wrong. "Fine, just don't move too much. I don't want anyone on the other line figuring out that we're doing something so scandalous... It's quite rude to do so on the phone." You sighed, removing your hand off of the receiver.

You actually held up quite well, rocking side to side a bit while holding a normal conversation with the shop keeper, haggling about a price. You were so proud of yourself!

“No, put the price lower that’s way too... Too, ah..! Oh fuck..!” You yelled, feeling his large thumb rub harsh circles into your clit. Now everyone knew what you were doing, fucking great.

“Aww, and you were doing so well.” He chuckled, watching you shake under him. You didn’t bother saying anything back to him, too far gone in your own pleasure to care.

How embarrassing... You could try to cover this up, but you don’t know if that would end up well...

“Yes, yes I’m fine... Just stubbed my toe...” You laughed nervously, biting your lip not to let any unwanted noises out.

“How sly.” He smiled, hidden admiration in his voice. You gave him a quick middle finger, cursing at him a couple of times.

“Yeah thanks sweetheart. I’m gonna hang up now okay? Yeah, bye bye.” You spoke, not even hearing anything your assistant had said. You were focused on feeling another great climax, and certainly didn’t care about the price of the plant any longer.

“You’re so fucking wet...”

“Yeah, I wonder why.” Cue the eye roll, “I guess I was right? This is one of your kinks, isn’t it?” He grinned, pushing his cock deeper inside of your warm walls.

“You gonna finish inside of me without warning again?” You muttered, exhaling a shaky breath.

“Only if you want it babe.”

Oh. Oh he had called you babe. Names like those? Oh fuck now you were gonna get attached, and... And...

And maybe that’s okay.

“Fill me up.” You moaned, letting out a gasp of his name that you had chanted like a prayer.

You sure as hell didn’t need to tell him twice.

•Bonus•

“Hey,” You looked up at Killer, hugging him under the sheets, “I think I like you.” You sighed, worried for his answer. You had a feeling the worst thing that could happen was a simple no, but hopefully you wouldn’t lose the sex.

He took his warm hands off of you, which you took as a no towards your earlier statement. You felt a tinge of embarrassment, but since you were so tired, you also didn’t care.

He lifted his mask just so his painted lips were shown, he quickly captured your lips in his own and you felt the sparks fly. You initially thought that it was just sexual, but during the day when you had thought of him, goodness, you were oblivious to your own feelings.

“Really now? You’re not just using me for the sex, are you?” He whispered, voice husky and deep in your ear. You reached to scratch his goatee lightly, “Who knows.” You pressed your lips against his once again, sitting upwards and quickly growing hot. Who knew a make out session would be this hot? The mans got mystery, that’s some extra points right there.

“I think I like you too.”

[sweetestlamb]

Temptation

Summary: Vincenzo is feeling parched.

Author's note: These two have been living in my mind rent free lately, I'm just shallow and they look so damn good together and when you add the chemistry, well I'm a goner. Just a little drabble based on today's episode, I'm taking a break from BMTL this weekend because it's going to be another 10k probably and it's the first weekend I'm off with my bf so I promised not to ignore him to write all day lol. Update soon though!

Bon appetit!

Wispy dark lashes flutter just above her high cheekbones as she awaits the blow, her pretty face scrunched up in anticipation as a minor twitch in her lip distracts him.

That's been happening far too often lately, more than he'd care to admit. It was easier when she was blindly following Babel and refused to see the insidious truth about the morally bankrupt company, it was easier to pacify his attraction when she was the bad guy. Not that he was the right candidate to judge, he'd done notifiable heinous things in his life. Her father had been the first person to look at him like he was worth something, like the evil that lurked under his skin could be used for something good.

But her eyes had been opened, in the end she had chosen her father. If only he'd been here to see it.

That decision unhinges the small grapple he has on his control, he finds himself looking at her all the time cataloging the many emotions that distort that expressive face. She's like a living caricature and instead of finding that off-putting he's intrigued and mesmerized. Constantly battling with his lips that won't stop rising in her presence, he's not someone who smiles lightly. Has never had much of a reason to.

Until now.

"What are you waiting for? Just do it." She whines impatiently, squirming side to side and pursing her full lips.

That small move captures all his attention, eyes locked on the rosy pink skin. Instinctively he steps forward until he can feel her body heat, her face is even more captivating up close. She was beautiful, that wasn't hard to admit he was a man after all and his eyes were functional. It was.... everything else that he couldn't admit, not even to himself.

Just do it.

If only she knew what those words did to him, he felt as if he was lit in flames by his own lighter; burning up just from his prolonged vicinity to the loud lawyer. She was being her usual brazen self but she had no idea, not the slightest inkling of what exactly he wanted to do to her. It usually ended in passionate screams in his dreams. Her wild abandon was a thing of beauty, he didn't even mind the mess on his silk sheets because his mind supplied such vivid imaginings.

Staring down at her he wonders how she would taste, perhaps like the spicy noodles she was so fond of or maybe something sweeter and forbidden, once you peeled back the many layers you would discover something so delicious it was addicting. She would be his ambrosia.

"Come on, you're killing me! What's taking so long?" She grumbles now pouting, plush bottom lip jutting out enticingly and his finger hovers in front of her forehead but he can't move, can't bring himself to hurt her no matter how insignificant the hit. Somehow this woman has weaved a web around him, he feels like a fly caught in a spider's deadly but beautiful trap.

What's wrong with me?

There must be indeed something wrong with him because he feels his hand unfurling and lowering until he's nearly cupping her jaw, the delicate point barely above his hand. He's so tempted. Taking another step forward he lifts his second hand, curling around the dip of her lower back. She's so petite despite her loud bark, her entire body could fit easily in his hand.

He wants to lower his hand, grab her face and her waist and.... And what? What is he thinking? This is not why he came to Korea. He wasn't supposed to get involved more than he needed to and he knows no good can come of this, there's only one outcome for men who are lured by seductive sirens. He has to ignore her song no matter how much his body aches when he's with her. Woman have never been elusive in his line of work, gorgeous Italian women who opened up for him easily, surrendering under his capable hands. They were nothing but a good time, a perfunctory scratching of an itch. But, Cha-young he wants to wreck her, take her apart piece by piece until she's putty in his hands.

"What are you doing?" She says sounding amused and he lifts his eyes to find her twinkling ones already on his face. She looks at the twin hands hovering above her body with a raised brow, face now turned into the hand adjacent to her cheek.

"Do you want to change the specifics of our deal?" She teases darkly and he gulps, finally lowering his hands but twisting them around his back to prevent himself from making a huge mistake.

"No." He lies, trying to douse the fire that is blazing in his blood.

"Aishhh. You're such a bad liar." She huffs, nose crinkled up in disbelief and he hates the way his heart smarts his lips twitching to form a smile. He feels so warm and he doesn't know what any of it means.

"Come here." She doesn't give him an opportunity to disobey before reaching out to grab his tie, her hands wrapped around the luxurious material and with a sharp tug he's pulled into her, their bodies colliding and everything feels right.

"Stop." He whispers throat feeling raw, his voice comes out rougher than he intended. His eyes widen at the red flush that it yields, he's not the only one affected it seems.

"You don't want to flick me," she states with certainty, eyes searching his face as she tightens her hold on his tie his neck strains under the slight pressure, leaning down to lessen the tension. Too late he releases how much closer that brings their faces, she's barely an inch away from him now her soft puffs of breath landing directly on his face. "What do you want to do to me instead, Mr. Cassano?" She boldly finishes her statement, dark eyes ping ponging between his lips and his eyes.

Mentally berating himself for his weakness he suddenly grabs her waist, his arm circumvents the entire circumference with room to spare. She gasps in surprise but doesn't look scared, rather she looks curious, biting her bottom lip as she earnestly watches him.

"Do you really want to know?" He bites out, bringing his hand to her jaw and then sliding lower curling it around her neck, fingers tickling the soft nape of head.

She smirks, unflinching in the eye of his storm. She stands on the tips of her toes, bringing them that much closer, "Oh you don't know how much I want to know, Vincenzo." His name is exotic on her tongue, the letters not quite settling correctly but it sounds delectable to his ears, he wants to hear her scream it loudly too.

"I'll show you then." He's done with words, it's clear that they're both cognizant of what's happening between them, the air is so charged it's nearly crackling. She isn't backing down and despite his better judgement he doesn't want to lose, he can't be the way to pull away now. Simultaneously they yank each other closer, him by her neck and her by his tie. He sees the passion in her eyes, finally bursting to the surface and that's all the consent he needs, if she wants him too then she can have him.

Twisting his head he surges forward, eager to capture her lips and devour her moans of pleasure, his hand is now curled possessively around the small swell of her tight posterior, her suit pants always putting it beautifully on display. He had been hungry to touch it, grab it and feel the plumpness in his hands. It's every bit as amazing as he's imagined, her lips fall open as he squeezes at the flesh and he leans forward prepared to eat her alive.

She wraps her free arm around his neck, dragging him down to meet her and he easily lifts her off the ground, grinning boyishly when she squeaks releasing his tie to wrap both arms around his neck, their faces are now level. His hand remains on her ass.

Silently they move towards each other, intent crystal clear.

He can feel the heat from her lip, just as he grazes the smooth skin he hears a loud crash from behind them and they both jump, foreheads knocking accidentally as they react to the sudden sound.

He unceremoniously drops her, but her arms still latched around his shoulder force him forward making his forehead now collide with her chin. She lets out a loud scream of pain, shoving him away and shouting obscenities. He rubs at the pained skin, wincing in discomfort before turning towards the loud interruption with a murderous glare.

Who the fuck was it?

Nam Joo-Sung stands quivering in apparent fear looking like he's seconds away from urinating himself, his knees knocking together viciously.

A deer in the headlights, his eyes are as huge and terrified as one.

"I--um well you see.... I forgot to water the plants....you both look angry. Scary. You don't want an explanation. I'm going. Gone. I'll just. Go." He stutters out nonsensical, suddenly grabbing the plants and he watches as the frightened man awkwardly lifts the pots, cursing when the soil falls out dirting his clothes and the wooden floors, then he falls to his knees scooping it back into the pots, crawling backwards until he's out the door.

They both stare at the door.

Awkward silence remaining even with the man's departure.

And then a vibration fills the air, she jumps as if broken from her stupor reaching into her tiny bag and retrieving her phone. He can barely hear her over the beating of his own heart but he catches the disappointed look she sends his way, they can't continue this.

"Yes. I understand, we'll be right there."

Grabbing his briefcase he takes a moment with his back turned to her to catch his breath, collect himself. He's Vincenzo Cassano, not some prepubescent teenager. He can control himself, control is his middle name.

Then he turns back around and loses all his hard worked composure.

She's right in his space, rubbing absently at her neck as she looks at him.

"We'll finish this later. Don't think I'm going to let you off easy, I always finish what I start." She promises, pointedly looking his lips before grinning then boldly she lightly smacks him twice on his cheeks, "Pick your jaw off the ground, we have to go."

Her long hair bounces over her shoulder as she skips away, his eyes locked on the hypnotic sway of her hips. Her hands are cutely by her side, her signature walk that he had found ridiculous before. He doesn't view it the same way now.

Next time, there will be no interruptions he will make sure of it. Even if he has to kill someone.

[siren-dragon]

Cultural Studies -- The Cat Returns fanfic

Hello again, guess who wrote another one-shot! Anyway, this prompt came to me (along with several others, lol) so I decided to write something for it. Also, big thanks to everyone who enjoyed my first story. Also, Haru’s outfit is based on the yukata from the Love Nikki game and I may draw something for this story at a later date. Anyway, please enjoy!

AO3 story link    Tagging: @mysticsoulgirl

Prompt: Summer Fireworks Festival

=======================================================

Though the Sanctuary, and by extension the Cat Bureau itself, experienced many a visitor wishing for assistance with one thing or another- it wasn’t exactly a stationary place. True, anyone could follow Muta from the Crossroads and through the twists and turns of Japan’s alleys to locate the entryway arch, but that wasn’t truly the Bureau’s physical location. Anyone who was in need could find the Sanctuary entrance, all they had to do was merely look for it. So, while Baron was not unaccustomed to a variety of clients (even if the quantity seemed to have diminish over the years), it was always a study in new cultures when a guest appeared. Even when the cat figurine made a point to be open and courteous to a visitor, there were often a few things he gained new knowledge of.

“A fireworks festival? I’m afraid I’ve not heard of such a thing before.” He spoke, handing Haru a now size-appropriate cup thanks to the Bureau’s magic.

The dark brunette offered a small word of thanks and a bright smile before continuing. “Really? Oh, they’re great fun. Originally it was started as a festival for the dead; to mourn the lost one while celebrating life. But nowadays it’s just a fun activity to watch while eating festival food with friends.”

“Did I hear someone mention food?” Muta spoke, closing the front door behind him. “Hey Chicky, you bring any snacks with you today?”

From the upstairs balcony came a snort of displeasure. “You ever think of anything aside from your stomach,” Toto drawled, rolling his eyes at the cat’s one-track mind.

“What was that birdbrain?!”

“Oh, come on, think of a new insult piggy-cat!”

Before the fight could escalate anymore Haru, now a more convenient size for Baron’s home, rose from her seat on the sofa and lifted a bag where the scent of sugar and fresh fruit wafted throughout the room. “If you two are going to fight, then Baron and I will eat this by ourselves- including the mulberries I got special for you Toto.”

Both cat and crow immediately silenced themselves before tossing a glare at the other, “You got lucky, big chicken.”

“Sure thing, marshmallow.”

Baron sighed, taking out the necessary cutlery before Muta decided to forego the use of utensils. “Muta, have you experienced such festivals in the Human Realm?”

“What festivals?”

“The fireworks festival coming up this weekend,” Haru clarified as she handed Toto the collection of mulberries she brought.

It was here that the ex-con feline grinned, “oh yeah. Gotta love summer festivals in Japan with all their fried food and sweets. Best time to be a cat.”

Toto snickered, “why am I not surprised; you only think from your stomach.”

“Shut up!”

“There’s also games where you can win prizes and some shops as well. And at the end there is large fireworks show everyone watches to celebrate the summer season.” It was here that Haru’s excited smile seemed to dim slightly, “I was going to go with Hiromi, but she has a family reunion to attend. And my Mom will be out of town during that weekend- so I’ll just be watching it from my house.”

As a figurine being made out of wood, anything associated with fire was typically something Baron tried to actively avoid. And while he would deny it fervently later onto a rather smug looking Muta and Toto, the slightly disheartened expression on Haru’s face sent a rather unpleasant sensation through his chest sent nearly all thoughts of self-preservation out the window. It reminded him of their previous adventure in the Cat Kingdom; with her clad in a fine, pale-yellow gown and wearing a look of absolute despair despite it having been her so called “wedding day”. And so, it was not 2 seconds later that he found the words tumbling from his lips without any kind of second thought.

“Perhaps we can accompany you to this festival instead, Haru.”

That certainly caused the brunette to stare at him in surprise, yet a spark of joy danced within her caramel eyes. “Really? You guys would want to go with me?”

“Hey, if there’s food then you can count me in.” Muta shrugged, finishing his slice of chiffon cake.

Toto nodded, “I’m sure it’d be a great experience; what with the lack of clients to the Bureau.”

Haru beamed brightly with sheer delight, “Thank you everyone, I’m sure you all will love it!”

When Haru had finally left for the day, a definite spring in her step, Muta couldn’t help but turn a sly grin to his fellow feline. “Well, that was rather generous of you to volunteer us for something you didn’t even know about till 30 minutes ago.”

“I’m not sure what you are inquiring Muta. It was quite clear that Miss Haru was looking forward to this festival and it would be unbecoming of a gentleman to allow her to merely remain home alone and miss the event entirely.”

Toto nodded, “I have to say, I agree with Baron on this one. But I don’t think it was that difficult to persuade you after that melancholic expression crossed her face.”

Baron gave a displeased frown to his colleague’s rambunctious laughter, which did nothing to hide the slight tint of pink beneath his cream-colored fur. Honestly, since when was chivalrous behavior become a source of mockery? And yet… the sight of Haru’s joyful smile was more than worth it.

“So, are you going to wear a yukata?”

“A what?”

That answer only made the hefty white cat laugh louder.

 ======================================================

“Muta… are you quite sure that this garment is placed on correctly.”

“If the picture is anything to go by, then yeah. Besides; you can’t wear a suit with tails to a summer festival- you’ll stick out too much.” The large cat answered, glancing down at the newspaper advertisement in his hands before looking back to his much shorter friend. “Hmm, I think that’s right.”

“You idiot, tie for the sash is supposed to be in the back.” Toto commented, taking the advertisement with his beak to compare the image to Baron’s new attire. “See, there isn’t a giant bow in the front.”

“Okay first, it’s called an obi and second, stop butting in birdbrain!”

“I wouldn’t have to if you knew what you were doing, fluff-ball!”

Baron was going to attempt to silence their bickering before the sash about his waist loosened slightly causing the robe to flutter open and expose part of his chest and collarbone before the ginger feline took hold of the garment’s sides and quickly held them closed. He briefly wondered if it would perhaps be better to merely wear his typical suit before a knock sounded on the door- halting Muta and Toto’s argument. The crow quickly flew toward the door and swiftly opened the door to reveal Haru. She too was clad in a traditional yukata of navy blue with ivory and cream-colored stars swirling around a crescent moon at the hem of the dress before continuing upward. The sash wrapped around her waist took on a pale blue color while the right sleeve of her dress shifted colors; with the stars now dark and the fabric white shade. Though her hair was cut short, it was still pinned back by a blue, yellow, and orange silk flower with the latter two colors matching the shade of his own fur. To be perfectly honest, she looked quite breath-taking.

“Baron are you wearing a yukata?” She grinned, noticing his change of attire immediately which only made the statuette cling to the folds of the loosened robe all the more tightly. “I didn’t even know you had one!”

“Well, Muta saw fit to inform me this is the traditional attire for a summer festival so it is a recent addition to my wardrobe. However, I seem to be having a bit of trouble actually dressing.” He answered, unable to prevent the sigh from leaving his lips at his current dishevelment.

Haru giggled, placing her small bag on the sofa before approaching him. “Don’t worry, it’s always challenging for a first-timer. Here, you just need a little bit of adjusting…”

Despite his attempt to remain calm at the innocent offer, Baron couldn’t help the heat rushing to his face as Haru approached and began shifting the obi about his waist he had attempted to tie on earlier. He still kept his hand clenched about the folds of the yukata as Haru expertly straightened the robe, to which he gave her a very grateful smile. Soon he was now properly clothed, even wearing the haori properly before Haru stepped back to admire her handy work (though Baron felt a slight twinge of disappointment at her shift away from him). “There we go, a perfect fit.”

“Thank you, Haru. And may I say, you look lovely as well.”

She beamed at his reply as she moved to retrieve her bag. “Thanks Baron. But if you wanted to wear a yukata, I could have helped you find one.”

Muta shook his head, “that would have ruined the surprise Chicky. Plus, nothing was more amusing than watching Baron try to put it on.”

“As always, your assistance is greatly appreciated Muta.” Baron replied dryly, remembering the past hour where both his friends tried to guide him in how to wear the clothes.

As they walked through the archway of the Sanctuary, Muta walked ahead of them now on all fours while Toto took to the skies. However, as soon as Baron exited alongside Haru, he grew till he was once more a head taller than the dark-haired young woman instead of a foot-tall figurine. But the fact that his feline appearance remained gave Haru pause- knowing most would not really take the appearance of a half-cat man kindly (even if people believed it to be a ridiculously realistic mask). But it seemed her thoughts were rather evident on her face, because Baron was quick to assuage her fears. “Do not worry Haru, there is a spell in place masking my real appearance. You are the only one who can see the truth.”

“I didn’t know you can use such spells, Baron.” She asked curiously.

He nodded, offering his arm to her which she gladly accepted. “Yes, though I am afraid they are only temporary. But I thought this would make our evening engagement far more enjoyable without any disturbances from bewildered onlookers.”

“It’s no trouble at all, actually I think it’s a good idea. It does make me curious as to how your disguise looks.”

Baron paused and gestured to the glass window of a shop they were walking past, “see for yourself.”

Turning to the window, Haru looked at Baron’s reflection nearly jumped in alarm upon not seeing the familiar feline characteristics she had come to cherish. Instead, the face of a young man who looked a few years older than herself gazed back at her from the reflection. His hair was a light tawny blonde the same shade as Baron’s fur, perfectly coiffed to suit the Creation’s usual debonair attire. Where once fur and whiskers existed was now fair skin and a rather amused smile taking in her slightly bewildered expression. Yet despite the disguise, Haru took comfort in the fact that Baron’s eyes were still the same shade of mint-green.

“That is rather impressive, if a bit shocking at first.” She laughed a little nervously.

Baron frowned, “does it bother you too much?”

“No, it’s not that,” she answered with a shake of her head before beaming up at him. “I just prefer you the way you are, that’s all.”

It was the second time in the past few days that Baron found his words failing him once again at her kind, yet honest words.

 ======================================================

Perhaps the first thing that caught Baron’s attention were the vibrant banners illuminated by dozens of lights and lanterns. The street was lined with colorful booths, each hosting a different attraction as friends and families traveled back and forth to every single one. It was a rather jarring change from the peace and quiet of the Cat Bureau, but as he glanced down at the excited grin on Haru’s face as she enthusiastically explained each booth’s function, Baron couldn’t help the pleased smile drifting across his face. “So then, what would you recommend we do first?”

“Food, I’m starving!” Muta cried from about their legs before he bolted down the street, causing several people to laugh at the rather large cat obviously following the scent of frying food. “Takoyaki, here I come!”

Haru laughed, “well, food always is a good choice. Though we’d best pace ourselves, festival food is great, but not exactly healthy.”

“Then I shall follow your lead, Haru.” Baron added, glancing around briefly with a bit of confusion drifting across his face, “I must admit, I thought a fireworks festival would have more of that particular attraction.”

“That happens at the end of the night, mainly because it’ll be darker and it’ll give us a chance to see most of the booths before we have to find seats to watch the fireworks. But we’d best find Muta before he manages to pilfer too many snacks.”

Baron chuckled, “I think it’s more of his charming attitude that wins him such favors.”

Haru couldn’t help but laugh at that, and judging from the faint cawing above their heads, Toto heard it as well. “Well, we’d best hurry before that charm gets a bit carried away.”

The couple soon found their way further into the festival and managed to find Muta, who looked rather smug at having charmed a piece of taiyaki from a group of teenage girls. True to her word, Haru managed to procure a few treats for them all to try, ranging from takoyaki to kakigori to some onigiri before they walked to where Toto waited upon a nearby but isolated tree. Muta had nearly claimed all of the takoyaki while Toto took a liking to the plain onigiri and the roasted chestnuts Baron was eating. Though Baron was not overly found of the deep-fried food, he couldn’t deny that the kakigori Haru offered was quite delicious.

As the sun soon sank below the horizon and the sky turned dark with the coming night, many people started moving away from the bright lights of the festival stalls to await the oncoming fireworks display. “We don’t really want to be too close to all the larger crowds, so we’ll stay on the outskirts instead.” Haru informed them, taking a seat beside the grass. “And I wanted to thank you guys again, for coming with me.”

“Nonsense Haru, this was most enjoyable and we were happy to accompany you.”

“Even though you had to forgo your suit?” She replied with a teasing grin.

Baron gave a slightly sheepish look, “I will admit that dressing did pose quite the challenge, but well worth the effort.”

“Even still, thank you for being such a good sport about it. And I’m glad you had a good time.” Haru chimed happily, turning to look at the ever-growing groups awaiting the final event of the festival. “Hopefully we’ll be able to see everything with so many people…”

“Well, we merely need a seat with a view; and I believe I may have a solution.”

“What do you mean by that?”

The ginger gentle-cat only offered her a hand with a secret smile, “Just trust me.”

At the familiar words, Haru rested her hand upon his and watched as the world around them seemed to stretch upward as her height plummeted to its usual size whenever she visited the Bureau. Toto then landed beside them, offering a place upon his back with Baron holding on tightly the Stone Creations black feathers and Haru wrapping her arms about his waist. Once they were situated on the now gigantic crow, Toto rose high into the air (though not before snatching Muta in his claws much to the large cat’s displeasure while muttering something that sounded like “always a showoff.”) before gliding through the evening sky.

They were only flying for a few minutes before a high-pitched whistle sounded only to be followed by a large explosion of white and gold lights as the fireworks show began. Haru watched in silent amazement as they soared the atmosphere as each of the colorful illuminations danced around them like falling stars. She a joyful laugh at sheer sight of the fireworks show from a literal bird’s eye perspective, “alright, now this is a view.”

“I must agree,” Baron added, though it was hard to hear over the sound of the fireworks.

Moving her head forward, Haru placed a gentle kiss upon Baron’s fur-covered cheek before leaning to rest her cheek against his back. “Just for the record, this is the best fireworks festival I’ve ever been to.”

And for the third time in Haru’s presence, Baron found himself at a loss for words as a pleasing warmth started to overcome his face. Yet as he turned to watch the brilliant lights display with the young woman beside him, he had to admit that it certainly was an enjoyable evening.

[whatifxwereyou]

The Oncoming Storm Part 10: Distance

Liu Kang x Reader and Kung Lao x Reader (gonna do both, two paths!)

Man, the vibe between these two fine men is so different. I'm so into it! ALSO have some exciting stuff coming. Gonna try to update both days this weekend, and then setup some... very spicy/fun/dangerous romance stuff? Might add in some "choose your own adventure" style choices before we get to that big choice Lol. ENJOY! Much love.

Part 9 Part 11 Chapter Index

You rested on your side with your head in Kung Lao’s lap, a decision that you’d had no part in making. He held your hand while the monks tended to the wound on your side. You’d pulled more of your stitches than you’d noticed when you and Liu Kang had stopped to examine your wound. You could hear him saying he told you so in your head. You owed him an apology, you supposed. Kung Lao’s thumb brushed over the back of your hand and you were momentarily distracted from the rest of night.

Your exceptionally long awful horrible and terribly confusing but also kind of wonderful night. What a whirlwind.

The way that the monks fretted over you was embarrassing. It had done nothing to ease Kung Lao’s obvious guilt. You were fine! They’d been practicing and it had been an accident. Besides that, you’d had fun with him. You hadn’t wanted him to go easy on you and he hadn’t. You were grateful. Would he ever trust himself in a fight against you again?

After a lengthy discussion out of earshot the monks decided to cauterize the wound to prevent further bleeding since you didn’t seem to be clotting properly on your own. You’d agreed when it had been presented as the only option just to feel like you’d had some say in it. Liu Kang had done the same for your arm the other day and you wished he were there to do it this time too. You’d been spoiled by his magic in comparison.

They’d hooked you up to an IV of fluids to help you recover from the blood loss and set upon the task. It was a painful and miserable process that crippled you from the onset. Kung Lao stroked your hair soothingly and urged you to squeeze his hand. You weren’t sure if he was helping or not, but it was sweet of him to try.

Once the agonizing process ended, the monks suggested you stay for a while so they could keep an eye on you. While they cared for you on and off, Kung Lao talked. He was good at that. He comforted you with distraction and told terrible jokes to try and make you laugh. Eventually silence had fallen, and he had taken to running his fingers through your hair with his eyes closed.

From the way the monks spoke, morning was fast approaching. You hadn’t felt so exhausted and afraid to sleep in years. If everything hadn’t been such a mess, then you would have been impressed. As time passed the pain faded to a near memory. It was only then that you realized that you hadn’t spoken a single word since you’d agreed to have your wound cauterized.

“You don’t have to stay.” If Kung Lao needed you to absolve him of guilt, then you would gladly do so.

“I’m staying.”

“It’s been a long night, Kung Lao. You need rest too.”

“I’m not leaving until you can.”

“You don’t owe me this, Kung Lao. This isn’t your fault.” You turned so that you were rested on your back and Kung Lao helped you settle against his legs. Of all the places you thought you’d end up, head rested in Kung Lao’s lap was not one of them. Boy, you could use a drink.

“Then whose fault is it, exactly? Yours?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“I know that it’s not my fault, Y/N.”

“Could you tell that to your face?” You reached to poke the underside of his chin. He smiled, as if relieved to see you joking with him again.

“I’m staying. And I’ll make sure you get back to your room.” He poked you right in the chest.

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“What’s ridiculous is that I am being perfectly charming and on my best behavior and you’re arguing with me all while using me as a pillow without so much as a thank you. You can’t just use me, Y/N.” He said it in that boyish way, as though he was teasing you for having a crush on him. You definitely had had a crush on him when you were a kid. You didn’t know what you felt about anything anymore.

You laughed and swatted at his hand that rested on your shoulder. It hurt to laugh. “I could be here for a long time. You’re better off not waiting for me. Presumably, you have things to do today and probably got an hour of sleep at most.”

“Well, you’re lucky that I’m curious to see how long it takes before my legs go numb beneath your dainty little head.” He patted your shoulder and so you reached to pat his hand. Just as when you’d been kids there was no arguing with him. He would do what he wanted to do and there was no stopping him no matter how idiotic it was.

“Well, if I fall asleep and drool on you then that’s your fault.”

“I’ve come to terms with this disgusting sounding fate, Y/N. You’ll just owe me.”

“I will not be in your debt, Kung Lao.”

“You already are. I saved you from that fire, remember?”

“Oh? I didn’t realize you were keeping tabs!” You closed your eyes.

“I never forget, Y/N.” He whispered, picking up your hand and tracing lines along your palm with his index finger. He then regaled you with a tale of a time where he’d run an errand for Raiden and had dislocated his shoulder, tried to pop it back into place and had done a piss poor job of it. You cringed the whole time, but he had been delighted in disgusting you without you being able to escape. His voice droned on and you almost fell asleep.

Thankfully, a monk came over to you and asked you to sit up. Kung Lao, without being asked, helped you upright. It was remarkable how comfortable he was with touching you. Chen, the monk, was one of the few who you had formed a bond with during your stay in the infirmary. She’d taken to teasing you about your close friendship with Liu Kang and from the look in your eyes, you were certain this moment was only going to make that teasing far worse. You could see it in Chen’s dark eyes. It was coming.

Chen tested your reflexes, took your pulse, and checked on your wound before removing the IV and wrapping the wound tightly. “Alright, Y/N. Everything looks okay. No more bleeding and you’ve finally got some color back. Promise me that you’ll rest. And that you’ll stop bleeding all over our temple?”

“Listen, I didn’t try to bleed on anything!” You assured your friend who looked at you as if to say that was a lie and that if she saw you in the infirmary for a new wound by the end of the day then you wouldn’t hear the end of it. You avoided eye contact. “I’ll rest. I promise.”

Getting to your feet, Kung Lao joined you and offered you an arm to steady you. You swatted it, blushed, and then walked on your own out of the infirmary. Kung Lao’s eyes were on you as you went and then he followed behind you.

“Hey, you’ve got enough color back to blush again. That’s a good sign.” He leaned close enough to your cheek for you to feel his breath and you swatted at him again. For someone you hadn’t seen for years he certainly was comfortable being in your personal space.

“I’m not blushing. And I was fine, even before.”

“Is it so hard to admit that I make you blush a little?” He teased. “And you were definitely not fine. No one’s going to believe you when you say that if you keep lying.”

“I wasn’t lying!”

“It’s okay to be honest about your feelings, Y/N. All of them. Really.” He stopped in front of you, and you stumbled to a stop before him, having to place a hand against his chest to steady yourself. You took a step back and he tilted his head confidently, giving you that smirk that could melt pretty much any heart, you were sure.

“Kung Lao, really?” You rolled your eyes at him, but your heart was definitely fluttering in your chest, betraying you. “Look, I’m going back to my room now. You can go do… whatever it is you do around here, Lao.”

“Right now, I happen to be walking you back to your room.” He shrugged. “Are you feeling weak, Y/N? Do you need me to carry you?” If he hadn’t said it in such a teasing and taunting sort of way, then you probably would have considered it. Your face was hot with embarrassment. He grinned in delight, proud to have thrown you off.

“I think you’re overtired, Kung Lao. You’re clearly not thinking straight.” If he was going to tease you, then you would tease him right back. It was only fair, after all. You stepped a bit closer to him and he cocked a curious eyebrow. You tilted your head back as you drew closer and made to touch his chest but then pulled your hand back at the last second. He was very still. “I can walk just fine.”

You then stepped around him and continued down the hall. He turned to watch you walk away, and your face burned but you talked yourself down quickly. Then he hurried his pace to catch up with you and joined you in your walk. It was quiet after that for the most part, as if you both had plenty to think about. You were tired. Drop dead tired. Even so, you felt far more stable on your feet than you had the rest of that night. The quiet gave you time to think, which you weren’t sure you liked or not. You had way too much to think about.

When you made it to your room, you pushed open the door and thought your bed had never looked more inviting. It wasn’t even a particularly comfortable bed, but you were still looking forward to flopping into it. You turned to find that Kung Lao remained in your doorway, resting against the frame with his arms folded over his chest, admiring you with a smile. He did that a lot- openly admired you. You were going to have to find a way to cope with all this damn blushing.

“You’re up for me staying a bit, right?”

“I’m exhausted.”

“Just a little bit.” Kung Lao walked past you anyway, and you sighed and closed the door behind him. It wasn’t that you didn’t want him there it was just that you also really wanted to sleep. Sunlight was peaking over the mountains on the other side of the ravine. Kung Lao dragged the chair from your desk and sat backwards on it. You sat on your bed and held your hand over the gauze on your side. It had a solid heartbeat beneath your fingertips. Kung Lao fiddled with things on your desk, picking up the journal that you and Liu Kang had been working in.

He flipped through the pages and you thought he looked a little sad, but as quickly as you had thought it, it was gone, and he looked bored. He closed the journal and then waved it toward you. “I thought that Liu Kang was just trying to flirt with you when he said study because that’s what I would have done. But you guys really study, huh? Your handwriting is awful by the way, especially for someone with ink arcana.”

“You’re less funny than you think you are. But yes, we actually study.” You were never sure what to do with the offhand flirtatious comments but teasing him in return seemed like the way the go. “You probably don’t remember this since we weren’t in the same class and I was kicked out of school before we got close but… I’m passionate about learning new things. Liu is an excellent and curious teacher. It’s been really nice.” You smiled in memory. It felt like it had been ages since they’d studied, and you missed it. “We’ve grown pretty close since you’ve been gone. I’m grateful to him.”

“Yeah, I noticed.” He didn’t even try to hide how he rolled his eyes and you scoffed in disbelief and scooted to the edge of the bed. “Liu Kang is a good friend to have. And so are you when you’re not being defensive.” He stood up and dragged the chair closer to the bed then sat back down. He kicked off his shoes and then placed his feet on the bed. You stared at them disapprovingly and he purposely moved them, so his legs were rested just next to yours, barely not touching you. “It was a lie, you know.”

“Huh? What was? Something Liu said or…?”

“No, definitely not. Liu is an atrocious liar. Me on the other hand? Practiced liar. So yeah, it was me. I lied to you.” He shrugged and then rested his folded arms behind his head. He was avoiding your eyes, something he seemed to do when he felt guilty. When he noticed you looking, he tilted his head, so the hat obstructed your view of his eyes. That was still extremely attractive. “When you first woke up after the fire, I told you that I would visit town because I had become fond of your dojo and your store. That it was a beacon of peace.”

“And that’s a lie? Why would you like about something so trivial?”

“You don’t need to know the reasons.” He shrugged and tilted his gaze back to you. His smile was confident, but his eyes commanded all your attention. They went from playful to serious so quickly it was giving you whiplash. You suddenly felt as if your tongue was blocking your throat and your brain went blank. All that was left to focus on was Kung Lao. “I came to see you.” He pulled his legs back from the bed and leaned closer in his chair, studying your response. It seemed like a harmless lie so why was he telling you this now? “I didn’t know that you were my Y/N but I was still drawn to you. Watching you was what brought me peace when often I struggled finding any.”

“Kung Lao…” This felt like a confession, but what the confession was he hadn’t said. They had a thousand things to talk about and this was where he started? Not the visions? Not the ink? No, his inner turmoil and the peace that you had brought him without knowing.

“If I had known that you were my Y/N then I would have been far more forward with you than I was.” He pulled off his hat and set it next to you on the bed, then rested his hands on either side of the bed next to you. You couldn’t remember him ever flirting with you back then, but you had seen many faces and most of his visits were a blur. You remembered him as harmless and thoughtful. Those were fond memories. You smiled and averted your eyes. “No? Too much?” He smiled that confident smile even against your silence.

“I’m thinking.” You laughed.

“Guy puts it out there and you just stare…”

“I don’t know what you expect me to say, Kung Lao.”

“Anything would do.”

“You’re very sweet.”

“Ouch.”

“No! No, don’t be like that, Kung Lao.” You laughed and without realizing you’d unconsciously moved closer to him. “Really, I didn’t even consider who you could be back then. You were a strange fellow from out of town who enjoyed sitting in the peace of my dad’s place. Honestly, that feels like a different life now.”

“So, where’s the but?”

“There is none.” You furrowed your brow and his thumb overlapped yours on the bed. “This is a lot, isn’t it?”

“It is.” He considered, but he was studying you, and it made you incredibly uncomfortable. This way his eyes looked you over from head to toe, not to objectify you entirely, but rather to try and gauge what you were really thinking and what happened beyond what you told him. While your eyes apparently spoke in novels to Liu Kang, Kung Lao read your body language like a book you had forbidden him to read. Never in a million years did you think that you’d be in a dilemma where your heart was torn between two men. You’d been in relationships before but most of them had been with men from out of town who you rarely saw and had been short lived. Most of the people living in your hometown that were your age were still afraid of you.

“I don’t know what to say.” You finally decided.

“Because of Liu?”

“Well, I don’t quite understand what you’re trying to say. You say a lot without saying much at all, Kung Lao. I will admit that I think of Liu Kang very fondly. Yet, it is a very strange and emotional thing to see you again after thinking that you were dead- something I would like to talk about eventually, by the way.”

“That’s less important than this right now.” He tapped the bed and spoke very quietly, and you watched his lips form every word.

“I feel selfish, Kung Lao.”

“We are allowed to be selfish at times. You were like that as a kid too. Have some fun with me, Y/N.”

“Wow.” You laughed and as he went to say something else, you pulled your hand back from where his thumb had hooked over yours. His eyes were like big puppy dog eyes. He gave you the shivers and it took everything inside of you not to shake with them.

“Come on. You like me.” He teased.

“Kung Lao, now is not…”

“If this is because of Liu Kang? Trust me, I can change your mind.”

“No, I… excuse me?”

“You were going to say something. Continue.” He leaned just enough back to let you breathe. You were so confused. What did he even mean? You had to think about it. You had to think about a lot of things. He and Liu Kang were family. You didn’t want them to fight because of you. You would sooner turn away from them both. Then there was the nagging truth of everything else.

“I’m afraid.” You confessed and as the words came out, you felt a sudden great weight on your shoulders. “For the first time in so long, I’m afraid. Since back then, Kung Lao.”

“I know you saw things then.” He moistened his lips with his tongue and his lips remained parted for just one second before he sighed and seemed to reconsider. “I asked you if you were a witch once and you got all annoyed at me.”

“In my defense, the other kids called me that and threw shit at me, Kung Lao. I was afraid that I was a witch. That I’d never be normal. Then you died and I grew out of it. Now here you are and here I am and all the things I lost as a kid are back. And I attacked Liu Kang without knowing. I don’t know what to think and then you being so forward and Liu being like he is… I’m overwhelmed. I keep thinking that maybe this is what I’m meant for.”

Kung Lao’s whole demeanor changed from flirtatious to serious and you were grateful for him listening. You hadn’t meant to say all that you’d said. It’d just come out. “No, Y/N. You’re a fighter. I know you are. I always knew that you were even back then. And I knew what was happening to you as a kid, too. Or I guessed it at least. I always thought that it made you even more special. Normal is overrated.” Kung Lao placed a hand to your lips to stop you from talking but quickly pulled it back. “Liu’s tough. I’m sure he was fine. And so am I. We can handle whatever you throw at us, knowing or not. I’m sure he’s up to the challenge.”

“Lao…”

“I will help you fight. I won’t watch you waste away here speaking in nothing but the future.” He placed his hands on either side of you again. “And I’m sorry about your side. I know it was an accident but I’m still sorry for the trouble it caused you.”

“I’m not. I wanted to fight. I didn’t want you to go easy on me. I had fun. I had so much fun, and it was nice not to be treated like something frail.”

“It was fun, wasn’t it?” He picked up your hand and brought the back of it to his lips where he made very purposeful eye contact with you and placed a soft kiss upon it. Words were lost to you again. He pulled your hand back from his lips but didn’t let go of it. “Do you remember when we were kids and would pretend that we were like those martial artists in the movies your grandma had? I may have been reliving those days a little when we fought. Except we both knew what we were doing and could have given those actors a run for their money.” His attention was paid mostly to your hand and his thumb brushed over the back of it. “You’re still so pale. Even after everything. You weren’t before we fought.”

“Maybe I always will be now.” You finally managed to say something, but it wasn’t any of the things you wanted to say either. That crush you’d had on him as a kid was rearing its ugly head again. It had been the silliest crush. You’d both been so young and understood so little of the truth of life but there it was. You’d credited that memory of him to ruining every relationship you’d ever had. No one could ever be Kung Lao. But there he was. Alive and the memory of his lips against the back of your hand at the forefront of your thoughts.

“Don’t resign to a fate of serving others, Y/N. You’re made for more than that.”

“I’m not resigning to anything but I’m not a fool.”

“Just don’t give up.”

“I’m not. I didn’t mean to sound like I was. Honestly, that all came out of me without meaning to.”

“Like you said: this is overwhelming.” Kung Lao released your hand and with that seemed to release the hold he had over you too. “I should let you rest, Y/N. For now.”

“How very thoughtful of you.” You managed to joke at last and scooted back onto the bed. Kung Lao stood, replaced your chair, and then offered you a short bow.

“Get some rest because the next time I see you, I’m not holding anything back.”

“You’re so much trouble, Kung Lao.”

“You’re welcome.” He left without another word, closing your door behind him. You sunk back into the bed and pulled the blankets over your head with a whine. You were never going to sleep again at this rate. Liu Kang and the wild fiery tension he brought with him and Kung Lao with his nostalgia, teasing you and dripping in romance. You supposed that of all the problems you had, those two were at least fun problems to have even if you swore that they were going to send you into cardiac arrest. You drifted to sleep, more mixed up than you had ever been.