#I’m here to prevent fires today lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

voidofthevoidmv · 5 months ago

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So I was reading through some of my old unfinished fanfic stuffs and google docs- And I found this gem that I apparently finished. It was made back when I was REALLY REALLY INVESTED in the Invader Zim fandom and I had just finished binge reading the official comics. I’m not sure if it’s all in character but I figured I’d post it anyways because if I don’t some of this stuff would never see the light of day again lol. So enjoy if you can- Lol.

D-> Dib

G-> Gaz

M-> Membrane

Z-> Zim

In which Dib is spiteful to prove a point:

*We pan to the membrane household living room, where Gaz and Dib both seem to occupy at the moment. Dib is sitting lax on the couch while Gaz stands over to the side clearly fuming.*

G: “So you're just… Letting Zim take over the world?... JUST to prove a point?”

D: “... Mmm. Yerp. Sounds about right.”

G: “Oh. Um. Ok, whatever. The world is in chaos so I assumed you would be… Out there. Fighting Zim. And stuff.”

D: “Well not today. You said that Zim plans will always just backfire on themselves anyways and my efforts don't actually prevent anything. So, I figured, let's test that theory.”

G: “... Uh huh... Whatever. Just don't stink up the place with your sweaty anxiousness to save the world.”

D: “Oh I'm not worried. Once you admit that Zim is a real threat to humanity, then I'll go save the world.”

*Outside, a giant flaming meteor could be seen plummeting to earth accommodated by screams- Buildings on fire, and Zim leading an army of giant robots smashing anything. Gaz looks and sits on the couch next to dib.*

G: “Ok then…”

D: “Let's put on something to watch, yeah? You can pick, for old times sake.”

*Gaz flicks through the channels, but all of them are nationwide emergencies- Ranging from China to Egypt, to England, to places all around the world- All in a panic and the world on fire. Dib continues to sip juice.”

D: “Huh. Would you look at that, it's gonna rain tomorrow. Maybe that'll put a damper on all these TEMPORARY fires happening all over the place…”

G: “I know what you're doing Dib but it's not going to work. I bet you're ITCHING to go out there and beat that alien guy to kingdom come. But I'm not changing my mind. A little measly fire never hurt anyone…”

D: “Whatever you say Gaz. I’m actually pretty content here. Yep. Not gonna be moving for a loooong time…”

G: “...”

D: “...”

*Screams continue in the background. Gaz walks away for a few seconds before coming back with a soda. She splashes it on her brother.*

D: “HEY! Why would you do that!? Now I'm all sticky… You got it all over the couch…”

G: “Just checking if you were a robot. So. You really aren't going to do ANYTHING about Zim’s invasion?”

D: “Nope.”

G: “People are dying out there.”

D: “Not my problem. It'll all die down anyways and be forgotten, just like you said.”

G: “This is a new level of petty, even for you.”

D: “I'm not being petty. I'm proving a point. Now, unless you plan on admitting your wrong, move on with the subject- It's not a big deal.”

*Suddenly, Membrane burst through the door, decked out in a gas mask and holding two mini hazmat suits in their size. He slams the door shut, initiating lockdown protocol.*

M: “CHILDREN! THERE APPEARS TO BE A BIG DEAL GOING ON!!! It would seem that the government has FINALLY fallen to Terrorists of the outer space kind! They are here to enslave us to do their bidding- But do not worry. As long as we stay here, we SHOULD be safe from their MIND CONTROLLING radiation waves.”

G: “Don't you not believe in aliens and stuff Dad? Dib, you're seeing this right?”

M: “Ah Gazlene, my poor poor impressionable daughter- It would seem that your brother's insane ramblings have gone to your head. Of COURSE they don't exist! NOT SCIENTIFICALLY POSSIBLE! No no no, Space terrorists are a different concept entirely.”

G: “Dib. Aren't you going to say something?”

D: “What for? There isn't an alien threat going on AT ALL, remember Gaz? Space Terrorists are different.”

M: “Good to know you are coming to your senses, Son. Maybe soon you can return to the labs alongside your father?”

D: “Not a chance dad.”

M: “I predicted as much.”

G: “Ok. NO. This is all WRONG.”

D: “I don't think so. This is all gonna blow over soon anyways- No intervention needed.”

M: “Rational thinking my dear son, perhaps you can be the first to take your portion of beans…”

*Suddenly, a giant laser beam cuts a giant hole in the ceiling, and a load of robot minions in black suits on ropes swung down. Holding guns up to their heads, the robots gesture to a cage landing from the sky next to them, attached to a chain.

R1: “Get in the cage or perish at the might of our lord and master INVADER ZIM! Failure to comply will result in immediate spontaneous combustion!”

R2: “What he said! All electronics have been deactivated!(*Membranes raised robot arms fall limp at his sides*) Surrender in peace or in PIECES!”

D: “Huh. Well this is weird. Reminds me of the good old days of saving the world from a nonexistent threat… Oh well. It's not like it matters, It'll all work itself out in the end… Unless it doesn't…”

M: “The good have fallen, whatever will become of us all…”

G: “Dib! This isn't FUNNY anymore! Stop being a spiteful bump on a log and do something like you usually do!”

D: “What is there to do? Zim isn't a threat to anybody, so I shouldn't bother trying to stop him! Unless you admit otherwise, I'm going to assume it'll all blow over soon. Just. Like. You. Said.”

*The three of them end up going into the cage, which is now lifted up by a giant robot drone, heading towards a giant alien tower in the distance. Many cages could be seen heading that way- With pigs, humans, and bicycles. They soon reach the top floor, a throne room. They are brought to the front to be inspected by Zim, who was decked out in royal gear.*

Z: “Hello filthy humans! What a surprise- No effort from the Dib human this time it seems? Have you finally come to terms with how INFERIOR you are and surrendered your planet to ME?”

D: “Sure. Whatever. How about it Gaz, let's humor the idea! It's not like he can ACTUALLY win…”

M: “Hmmm… That green space terrorist looks oddly familiar…”

Z: “Good good! Excellent! Just had to clear that up before I- You know- ENSLAVE YOU!”

G: “Dib. Do something!”

D: “It'll be fine Gaz- He's going to screw up eventually! I already told you, I'm not going to do anything! Unless of course…”

G: “No. I refuse to even THINK about it! This is all just dumb luck- I will admit to n o t h i n g!”

D: “Ok. Your choice.”

Z: “Away with you now- your human stink is making my throne room reek- Try to enjoy the last few moments of your home planet that you can- BEFORE I SEND ALL HUMANS INTO SPACE INSIDE A GIANT GIFT BASKET FOR THE TALLEST! So uh, yeah, away with you…”

D: “Haha, imagine if that works- Too bad nobody would have been there to protect the planet!”

G: “Your. So. DEDICATED. To this bit AREN'T YOU…”

D: “Very.”

*The cage they are in is now seen being flown over to, you guessed it, a giant spaceship shaped like a wicker gift basket, hundreds upon millions of people in cages stacked inside. A large crane drone thingie could also be seen precariously placing a bow on it. Even so, Dib continued to seem indifferent, Sharing some tea with his dad and Gaz’s eyes were wide with anger and terror. Then she faces the two of them.*

G: “Arrrghhh… FINE DIB! I admit it- Your KINDA important when it comes to saving the world from Zim and junk! And I GUESS Zim can SOMETIMES be a threat to Earth for real. I admit it- Are you happy? Are you HAPPY now? Huh? HUH? Now so help me- If you do not get us out of here and fix all this Zim dookie- I WILL DESTROY YOU PERSONALLY MYSELF!…”

D: “Oh… Well, alrighty then, if you really insist Gaz…! Now that that's decided- I should probably go do my job now.”

G: “Erg, I wouldn't say JOB…”

M: “Son? Son! SON!? What are you doing!?”

*Dib, already managing to unlock the cage with ease, pulled a cord on his coat sleeve and kinda turned it into a sort of wingsuit. He turned his head to face the two family members dramatically*

D: “I'm doing what I always do… Saving the world from that ALIEN MENACE!”

M: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

*Later… Dib could be seen dusting off his hands with a grin on his face and soot smeared all over his face. His trench coat could be seen still smoldering as the clouds seemed to dissipate in under a few seconds, revealing the usual red sunny sky as if nothing bad happened. His surroundings were a wreck and behind him, Zims castle base thing could be seen collapsing into a pile of rubble.*

D: “Haha, a job well done! Point one for the human race… Point nothing to Zim! All is right once again…”

G: “Whatever…”

M: “To think- I had FINALLY been getting through to him… But alas, his insanity has returned…”

Z: *Pops out of nowhere from the rubble near dib* "HahahaHAHA! Victory for ZIM! That'll show the GAZ BEAST TO UNDERESTIMATE THE THREAT THAT IS ME!!!"

D: "Zi- Wait, stop, stop, shut up, shut up, she can still hear you idiot-"

G: "What are you guys on about now… Wait… You… Him…"

Z: "Oh yes! What a FANTASTIC PLAN IT WAS TOO! Of course, the part where I- The great and mighty Zim loses could use some weakling might need some work- But-"

G: *At this point, Gaz is fuming- Teeth clenching causing sparks to fly- All while Dib attempted to shut the ignorant alien up- But unfortunately everything seemed to be falling into place. Slowly, Gaz turns to Dib- Stiffly pointing at the two boys in front of her. "You two… All this… TO TRICK ME into thinking you guys were VALID in some way-"

D: "Gaz- I can explain-"

Z:"Yes that is exactly what happened- Because it's true! Zim is something to be FEARED-"

G: "I don't want to hear it. I'm giving you both 5 seconds to run."

D: "Wait- WAIT-"

Z: "NOPE!" *Shoves Dib out of the way and breaks into a run- Dib looks up only to find his little sister- Her gaze is cold enough to cause the next ice age. Dib screwed up.*

Later that night….

M: "Hmmm… I wonder where my dear children have run off to… Hopefully it has nothing to do with all that craziness about aliens and bigfeets…"

*Enter Gaz, smudged with dirt and grass, while dragging a large shovel behind her.*

M: “My my Gazleen, you're looking awfully dirty- Have you been roughhousing again?”

G: “Gardening. Getting rid of some WEEDS.”

M: “That’s wonderful! I’m glad you’re branching out and thinking of the planet!”

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liugeaux · 7 hours ago

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Repost Vol. 63: The Tomb Raider R-word Controversy, A Dude’s Opinion

Oh boy. This was originally published exactly 13 years ago, and if I'm being honest, I don't remember writing it at all. I don't even remember the controversy. Soooo, I guess welcome to the latest edition of Sergio critiques his past self. This is probably a hot-button issue, and I can't promise my old opinion on it is a great one. I haven't read it, and my reactions, which will be in bold, will be typed in real time.

Finally, this blog has become an exercise in live tweeting. #fullonsarcasm Here we go, enjoy...I hope.

Originally Published July 3, 2012 via Techpedition.com.

The Tomb Raider R-word Controversy, A Dude’s Opinion

I know this topic is pretty divisive, and I’m basically going to be playing with fire here, but I’ve been thinking about the new Tomb Raider game and female protagonists as a whole, and have a few thoughts I would like to share. Run-on sentence...but nothing daming yet, crosses fingers. A controversy sprang up when the game’s executive producer Ron Rosenberg said that there was a scene in the game where the antagonist on the island Lara Croft is on attempts to rape her. In the interview (Holy shit, that link still works and it links to a report filed by still-respected games journalist Jason Schreier.) it was described as a turning point for the character’s growth. Lara has to adapt to the visceral nightmare situation and survive. It's a life-changing moment in the arc of the character that can have an emotional impact on the player, and something that is rarely, if ever, seen in games.

This notion sparked a huge controversy in the gaming community. Should the fear of rape (the worst crime that can be committed towards a female) (Ouch, don't refer to women as females you young dummy.) be used to leverage emotions in something as trivial as a video game? Is it appropriate? Why does it have to be rape? Lara Croft is a woman, is using rape in this scenario too easy of a plot device? Is Crystal Dynamics exploiting a perceived female weakness (I really don't like the phrase 'perceived female weakness' it's unnessecarily loaded in both directions and it means nothing.) in exploring the attempted rape? Can the same emotional resonance be created with more traditional fears, such as violence and/or murder? These are the questions that have been hotly debated since the controversial E3 interview was published on Kotaku. As a fan of solid storytelling (lol cute), Tomb Raider, and controversy, I’ve been crushing (crushing makes it sound like I'm turned on, that was unintentional) on this for some time now, and here’s what I think.

Rape, is one of the only topics in today’s media that consistently draws ire from all directions, its an act that is so horrid and deplorable that even mentioning its existence can make people uncomfortable. (It's safe to say the only version of rape I was familiar with in 2012 was the Hollywood-movie forced version of the act. In the long view, that's definitely a bad thing, but I feel like qualifying that helps ground this take a bit.) Feminist (Whoa, why am I calling out feminist? That feels VERY shortsighted.) have strong opinions about rape in media and rape victims appropriately have trepidation when discussing and/or addressing such traumatic incidents. That last part isn't wrong. As a man, I will never understand how the fear of rape feels to a woman. I will never understand if women should even be scared of rape, or feel empowered to be able to prevent it. Wow, I wasn't expecting this progress-friendly approach, but who knows, this could still go sideways. I’m a dude, the only concrete thing I know about the topic is how it makes me feel emotionally. Even the emotions that I feel were created through a lens that has been constructed by the much larger perception about rape already in place. Oh shit Lugo, are you cooking with gas? The problem is that, as a dude, I’m who Eidos is marketing the game towards. Hell yeah, go on...

Much like the N-word, I am not equipped to speak on the offensiveness of the topic at hand. What I can do though is juxtapose the idea of attempted rape against the current norm in video games. I really like where this is going. What’s the current norm? Murder, mass murder. Games like Uncharted, Splinter Cell, Call of Duty, Grand Theft Auto, (the list is nearly endless) have massive amounts of murder, specifically the murder of humans. Killing humans has become a genre in and of itself in gaming, and 99% of the time, it's being done to men by men. Like professional football and baseball, women are usually found on the sidelines supporting the main male characters. They might be a love interest, family member, or even a special operative team member. I actually can’t remember a female being a murderable NPC (that wasn’t a boss) in a shooter. I think that's just a product of the specific games I was playing. Ladies are totally killable in a lot of games. All of the randoms are dudes, all of them. It's a weird industry standard that no one really addresses, but everyone follows. This subconsciously teaches us that men are disposable and women aren’t meant to be in violent virtual situations. I think Serg might be losing the thread a bit, maybe he can stick the landing. Rape is a violent situation, more so than shooting a dude in the head.

Strong female protagonists are rare, mainly because sales numbers point to male-fronted games and movies making more cash. Females (just say women, just say women) who star in games are hit and miss usually, but are much more memorable. How many people remember the name of the protagonists in the most recent Medal of Honor game, and how many remember Jade, the star of Beyond Good and Evil? Medal of Honor was a hit, Beyond Good and Evil wasn’t. Characters like Lara Croft, Samus Aran, Jade, Female Shepard, Johanna Dark, Rayne, and Nariko are infinitely more impactful and memorable than their male counterparts. Oh no, he's making a good point, we might emerge from this adventure victorious. When building a story, women (see saying 'women' isn't that hard, you dolt) inherently can have a more dynamic base to draw from, and like it or not part of that base is potential rape.

In the new Tomb Raider, the scene that has sparked the controversy leads to Lara Croft getting her first kill. In movies and games, killing means nothing, but if this character is drawing from a somewhat lifelike base, the hurdle of taking the life of another human being can carry some heavy emotional weight, especially if that person is about to kill and/or rape them. Does the sexual battery depicted in the scene add to the tension and emotional response? I would say undeniably yes. When Nathan Drake is tied up (mind you he’s pretty experienced in getting out of tight spots), he doesn’t have the same fears as a young, naive Lara Croft. As a man, this element, one that is absent from most games with similar hostage situations, makes Tomb Raider different, and if it is portrayed with the proper weight, can have a profound impact on Lara’s character growth. This is me being non-committal on all of the questions I previously raised. It's basically me saying 'if the story is good...', which is a full-on cop-out. It allows the appropriateness to be tied to quality, which is a subjective measurement. That translates to 'it's only bad if you think it's bad.' Fuck that!

In my opinion, the ability to have a multifaceted origin and dynamic character arc, one that can only happen to an in-game female (woman) is really a benefit. Nothing spurs emotion like attacks on the weak and helpless. In this scenario, Lara Croft is weak and very quickly learning to not be helpless. Hopefully, Crystal Dynamics will be using this as an invaluable character growth moment that could not be done with a male character. I am all for female equality and love seeing strong female roles in all forms of media (if you have to say it like that... it sounds gross), but to pretend like women aren’t different from men is offensive to the benefits of both sexes. Holy shit that's a loaded statement which would be torn apart in 2025. Rape shouldn’t be a topic that is off limits, but it should be treated with the care. Finally, the voice of reason.

Now, I say all of this as a man, a man who understands that he doesn’t understand anything. YES! I know how the scene makes me feel, and it doesn’t offend me. Crystal Dynamics has come out and said the scene that was released (oh wow that link still works too) is the entirety of the “attempted rape” sequence, basically saying that what Rosenberg said was false and misleading. This controversy has caused Eidos and Crystal Dynamics to do PR back-flips that include everything from claiming the original interview was misquoted to the ludicrous idea that there was nothing sexual about the assault (for a controversy I completely forgot existed, I'm very surprised the internet still has all of this data on it.) that was in the trailer. What will probably never be known is if this controversy will ultimately change the game. It would not surprise me if certain elements were toned down since they clearly did not see the backlash being so profound. Clearly what is in the scene in question is not rape or attempted rape, but the 2 second slow down highlighting the “unwanted touching” IS sexual battery. If this is in fact the only instance where Lara Croft is sexualized in the game then this shit has been blown WAY out of proportion. This is probably the most controversial take in the entire write-up. That 2 second slow down IS deliberate and sends a clear message. Whether it should or shouldn't be in the game is arguable, but to dismiss the reaction as being an overreaction is Sergio not standing by his 'I'm just a dude that knows nothing' preface. In that case, Rosenberg’s time with the company might be coming to an end.

It's a bit sloppy and has some logical holes, but the bones are good. The thesis here is 'If we write stories that suck for dudes, we have to write stories that suck for ladies, that's equality'. I can stand behind that idea, but the execution of this article was too long-winded and self-indulgent. Do better, Lugo.

#tomb raider

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the-art-in-arthesia-is-loud · 2 years ago

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incorrect quotes or whatever

ermmmmm WhaATTTTTTT........ :////// /j

also for some reason it's mostly trojan....and tempo......oh boy lol

———

Technicolour: I’m going to defeat you with the power of friendship! ... And this knife I found.

Destonio: You wanna see how hardcore I am?

Destonio: *punches wall*

Destonio:

Destonio: Take me to the hospital.

Fate: If you can’t beat them, dress better than them

Tempo: You’ll have a hard time believing this because it never happens, but I made a mistake.

Spinel: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress

Galactic: Fool me once, I’m gonna kill you

Destonio: Fuck.

Ars: We've got to work on your cursing.

Destonio: Why? I'm pretty good at cursing already.

Galactic: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

Trojan: It’s not a joke.

Trojan: *sniffles*

Trojan: I’m a legit snack.

Pupa: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.

Pamolia: You and me!!!

Pupa, tearing up: Okay.

Trojan: Must be hard not being able to laugh

Tempo: I do have a sense of humor you know

Trojan: I’ve never heard you laugh before

Tempo: I’ve never heard you say anything funny

Tempo: Trojan...

Trojan: Oh no, 'Trojan' in b-flat.

Trojan: You're disappointed.

Dark Ars: Someone will die.

Ars: Of fun!

Trojan: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.

Shifta: Subject Trojan, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.

Tempo: Trojan, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!

Trojan: Well of course I have.

Trojan: Have you ever tried going mad without power?

Trojan: It's boring.

Tempo, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.

Satellite: But – that’s just a trash can.

Tempo: It sure is!

Aleph: So are we flirting right now?

Pupa: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU

Aleph: That doesn’t answer my question

Trojan: You're right.

Tempo: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

Fate: I made tea.

Tessi: I don’t want tea.

Fate: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Tessi: Then why are you telling me?

Fate: It is a conversation starter.

Tessi: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Fate: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

Trojan: You love me, right, Tempo?

Tempo: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

Tempo: Is something burning?

Trojan: Just my love for you.

Tempo: Trojan, the toaster is on fire.

Spinel, trying to cheer the group up: Things could be worse, you know!

Galactic: How?

Spinel: How what?

Galactic: How could they be worse?

Spinel: They couldn’t, I lied.

Galactic:

Pupa: I prevented a murder today.

Pamolia: Really? How’d you do that?

Pupa: self control.

Destonio: I’m going to take you out

Technicolour: great, it’s a date!

Destonio: I meant that as a threat.

Technicolour: See you at five!

Destonio: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.

Fate: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!?

Destonio: No! Four to five seconds!

Fate: Too late!!!

Abstruse: *Gets down on one knee*

Arghena: Oh my god, it’s finally happening.

Abstruse: *Falls over*

Arghena: The poison is kicking in.

Tempo: Trojan... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?

Trojan: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.

Tempo:

Tempo: I wrote sanitize, Trojan.

Trojan: What’s up guys? I’m back.

Lucas: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.

Trojan: Death is a social construct.

Tempo: Terabyte, keep an eye on Trojan today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Terabyte: Sure, I’d love to see Trojan get punched.

Tempo: Try again.

Terabyte, sighing: I will stop Trojan from getting punched.

Ars: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Ana?

Ana: … No.

Lucas: I do!

Ars: I know, Lucas.

Lucas: I’m sad!

Ars: I know, Lucas.

Trojan: How's the sexiest person here~?

Tempo: I don't know, how are they~?

Trojan, flustered: I-

Terabyte, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

Ars: Lucas and I are having a baby.

Abstruse: That's gre-

Ars, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you, sign here.

Galactic, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Spinel, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids

Satellite: what the fuck are you guys doing?

Galactic: playing systemic oppression

Tempo: We need a distraction.

Shifta: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Trojan, whispering: My time has come

Ars: Lucas, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

Lucas: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later

Ars: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Aresi.

Ars: You have to apologize to Alxaid

Destonio: Fine.

Destonio: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

Moonlight: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Ad Astra: *turning to Fate* How tall are you?

Technicolour: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it

Primeval: Just rip the bandage off.

Technicolour: It’s Destonio.

Primeval: Put the bandage back on.

Pupa: HELP! I TOLD PAMOLIA I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK!

Spinel, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

Terabyte, whispering to Logos, who’s on the phone with Eimi: Ask them something!

Logos: How are you feeling?

Eimi: Fine.

Terabyte: Something personal!

Logos: At what age did you first get your period?

Tempo: While I’m gone, Trojan, you’re in charge.

Trojan: Yes!!!

Tempo, whispering: Shifta, you’re secretly in charge.

Shifta: Obviously.

Abstruse: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Eimi: Not if they consent to it.

Pupa: Depends who you’re stabbing.

Ars: YES?!?

Fate: I just ended a four year relationship.

Hikaru: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?

Fate: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.

*Destonio crying over Lumine on the edge of a cliff.*

Primeval: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Logos: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Technicolour: I got distracted about halfway through.

Eimi: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Trojan: *Screams*

Ana: *Screams louder to establish dominance*

Ars: Should we do something?

Lucas: No, I want to see who wins.

Tempo, about Pamolia: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.

Trojan: Are we stealing them?

Terabyte: New or used?

Tempo: Wonderful responses, both of you.

Aleph: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions?

Destonio: Put spaghetti in it.

Aleph: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you.

Pupa: Put spaghetti in it.

Aleph: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.

Pamolia: Put spaghetti in it.

Aleph: I'm no longer taking suggestions.

Ars: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Lucas: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Ars: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING ABSTRUSE WITH ME

Ana, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

Trojan: I think we're missing something.

Galactic: Teamwork?

Shifta: Cohesion?

Tempo: A general sense of what we’re doing?

Ars: Why are Fate and Destonio sitting with their backs to each other?

Ad Astra: They had a fight.

Ars: Then why are they holding hands?

Ad Astra: They get sad when they fight.

———

okay okay thats all ehehehehe

#arthesias shit (other blog edition)#arthesias ocs #I AM NOT TAGGING EVERYONE HERE THE LAZINESS HIT ME TOO HARD #original character #original characters #oc #ocs #incorrect quotes #incorrect quote #rgverse: misc

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forestcat111 · 3 years ago

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ninjago incorrect quotes

kai: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me Lloyd: Okay, but in my defense, nya bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo. kai: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

kai: I know you snuck out last night, Lloyd. nya: Play dumb! Lloyd: Who's Lloyd? nya: NOT THAT DUMB!!!

kai, driving Lloyd and nya: So how was your day? Lloyd: We almost got surprise adopted! kai: What? nya: We almost got kidnapped. kai: Oh, okay. kai: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

kai: What do you think Lloyd will do for a distraction? nya: They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do. *Building explodes and several car alarms go off* nya: ... or they could do that.

kai, texting Lloyd: Lloyd! Help I’m being kidnapped nya: Where are you? kai: I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help. Lloyd: I’ll call nya. nya, answering their cell: Y’ello? Lloyd: Where’s kai? They texted me that they were being kidnapped. nya: kai? Whaddya mean, they're right next to me- nya: nya: I’ll call you back. *hangs up* nya: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN’T THAT BAD! kai: WHO ARE YOU?!

jay: cole was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some. cole: Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it. jay: cole, you ate a chair.

jay: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside cole: cole: jay, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn... jay: *Sips coffee from bowl*

jay: I was arrested for being too cool. cole: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

jay: Is something burning? cole: Just my love for you. jay: cole, the toaster is on fire.

jay: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume? cole: *chugs entire bottle* cole: It’s perfume.

kai: So what’s for dinner? cole, staring at the food they just burnt: Regret.

kai: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao cole: What did you do kai? kai: A MISTAKE

kai, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today! cole: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.

kai: How many kids do you have? zane: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?

kai: I'm incredibly fast at math. zane: Alright, what's 30x17? kai: 47 zane: That's not even close. kai: But it was fast.

kai: zane! My face is on fire! zane: kai! Are you ok?! kai: Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly. zane: But your face is on fire. kai: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.

morro: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait. lloyd: You and me!!! morro, tearing up: Okay.

morro: Someone will die. lloyd: Of fun!

morro: lloyd... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor? lloyd: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned. morro: morro: I wrote sanitize, lloyd.

morro: I'm a reverse necromancer. lloyd: Isn't that just killing people? morro: Ah, technicality.

morro: I prevented a murder today. lloyd: Really? How’d you do that? morro: self control.

#rgb siblings #green cousins #ninjago nya #ninjago kai #ninjago cole #ninjago zane #ninjago jay #ninjago morro #mild cole x jay

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gods-favorite-autistic · 3 years ago

Text

Incorrect Heroes Of Olympus:

(Starting with couples, going into trios, then mixing them all together)

Percy: So are we flirting right now?

Annabeth: I AM LITERALLY SPARRING WITH YOU

Percy: That doesn’t answer my question

Will, tending to Nico’s wounds: How would you rate your pain?

Nico: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

Nico: I prevented a murder today.

Will: Really? How’d you do that?

Nico: Self control.

Percy: Am I in trouble?

Annabeth: Take a guess.

Percy: No?

Annabeth: Take another guess.

Nico: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things.

*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*

Leo: *Out of breath* HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.

Jason: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

Piper: It’s not a joke.

Piper: *sniffles*

Piper: I’m a legit snack.

Percy: Remember when you didn't try to solve all your problems with attempted murder?

Nico: Stop romanticizing the past.

Leo: I can explain.

Jason: Can you?

Leo: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

Leo: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao

Frank: What did you do Leo?

Leo: A MISTAKE

Frank: YOU CAN CONTROL FIRE-

Hazel, while making a plan: I was thinking I'd do some magic-

Leo, instantly: You? Magic? Hazel, it says talent show.

Jason: Reyna! Reyna! Whaddya call a fish with no eye?

Reyna, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons

Jason:

Jason: fsh

Annabeth: This is such a bad idea.

Percy: Then why are you coming along?

Annabeth: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

Leo after the ‘saving Nico’ scene: Top 30 reasons why Leo is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you!

Hazel: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!!!

Piper: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Leo’s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get him out...

Grover: Are you sure this is the right direction?

Percy: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am smart!

Annabeth: In that case, we're definitely lost.

Leo, feral: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Jason: Leo no.

Piper: Mistlefoe!

Jason: Please stop encouraging him.

Nico: Hey, Frank? Can I get some dating advice?

Frank: Just because I’m with Hazel doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

Leo: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Annabeth does? I mean, what if they jumped off a cliff?

Jason: If Annabeth were to jump off a cliff, she would’ve done her due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Annabeth jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Leo: You jump off a cliff!

Jason: Gladly. Provided Annabeth did first.

Annabeth: Last time I jumped off a cliff I fell into Tartarus so maybe don’t-

Reyna: You have to apologize to Will

Nico: Fine.

Nico: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

Piper: We need a distraction.

Jason: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Leo, whispering: My time has come

Percy, driving Leo and Piper: So how was your day?

Leo: We almost got surprise adopted!

Percy: What?

Piper: We almost got kidnapped.

Percy: Oh, okay.

Percy: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

*The 7 is having dinner together*

Jason: Leo, can you pass the salt?

Leo: *Throws Nico across the table*

'Can I copy the homework?'

Frank and Hazel: I can help you with it!

Jason: Yeah, sure.

Piper: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.

Percy, stepson of the teacher: lol nope.

Leo: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!

Nico: *Read 5:55pm*

Leo: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.

Annabeth: Okay, but what is updog?

Hazel: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.

Frank: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.

Piper: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.

Percy: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.

Jason: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.

Nico: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.

Leo: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.

Annabeth: What’s a henway??

Leo: Oh, about five pounds.

Gaea: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world!

Percy: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.

Jason: More or less, I guess...

Hazel: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that!

Frank: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept.

Leo: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!

Percy: Croissants: dropped

Frank: Road: works ahead

Piper: BBQ sauce: on my titties

Jason: Shavacado: fre

Leo: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead

Hazel:

Hazel, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

Percy, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.

Nico: Hey.

Frank: Hi.

Hazel: Hello.

Piper: Hey!

Percy: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

Leo: We were out of Doritos.

Piper: Time for plan G.

Annabeth: Don’t you mean plan B?

Piper: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Jason: What about plan D?

Piper: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Hazel: What about plan E?

Piper: I’m hoping not to use it. Leo dies again in plan E.

Nico: I like plan E.

Jason: Dumbest scar stories, go!

Percy: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

Piper: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.

Annabeth: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

Hazel: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Leo:

Leo: I have emotional scars.

Nico: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Annabeth: >:O language

Frank: Yeah watch your fucking language

Jason: OKAY WHO TAUGHT FRANK THE FUCK WORD?

Leo: 'The fuck word'.

Hazel: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Percy: Oh my god they censored it

Leo: Say fuck, Hazel.

Piper: Do it, Hazel. Say fuck.

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*

Percy: Thanks fam!

Piper: oh no

Frank: *cries* I love you too

Leo: Sounds fake but okay

Hazel: *A flustered mess*

Annabeth: can i get a refund

Percy: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Nico: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents

Percy: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

Annabeth: Actually I did the math, Nico would have $225, not $0.15.

Nico: Fam I’m right here....

Piper: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Hazel: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Piper: Sorry I only have a dollar

Leo: :(

Jason: Hey I just realized Leo is right, Nico would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent

Hazel: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

Jason: You can buy anything you want with $22,500

Piper: Yeah and she wants soda and apply juice

Frank: Apply juice to what

Leo: Directly to the forehead

Annabeth: Great chat everyone

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nerdypanda3126 · 2 years ago

Text

Playing with Fire – Ch. 10

Hiii! lol this story isn't dead or abandoned, I promise! 😁 Huge thanks to @verfound for the eternal bog conversation 😆 and to @mintaka14 for betaing this chapter! 💖

Jagged catches up with Tom and Sabine, Marinette and Luka start their search, and Juleka has an unexpected visitor.

Read on Ao3

First Chapter | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

As Jagged made his way through the little town on the way to Luka’s tower, he noticed instantly that something was wrong.

For one thing, the bakery was closed.

And for another, not one person asked him about his new mandolin, or told him to stop playing.

Everyone just seemed… jumpy. On edge. Watching each other out of the corner of their eyes.

He stashed his mandolin on his back and shoved his way into the bakery door, despite it being closed. Tom and Sabine had never had an issue with his visits, considering he was a regular, one of the King’s Wizards, and always bought huge quantities of their bread.

Instead of the bright, booming laugh he’d come to expect, though, he was greeted by Tom’s big hands shoving him back out.

“No bread today,” he growled, “just like yesterday and the day before that. Not until the people of this town apologize.”

“Wait, whoa, hold up!” Jagged yelled as he stuck his hands and feet in the doorway to prevent being shoved out. There was a harsh crack of wood behind him and he groaned as he realized his brand new mandolin was probably broken at the neck. Again. “I’m here as a friend!”

The hands pushing him out were pulled away and Jagged turned his head to look. Tom had taken two huge steps back and was rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Sorry, there, Jagged, I guess I thought…”

Jagged relaxed and slipped the mandolin from around his neck to assess the damage. Snapped completely in half, strings ripped apart… geez, how much brute strength did the guy have anyways? Luckily he knew the repair spell by heart and he forced the wood back together to perform it.

“Now then,” he said when he finished, “what’s going on in this town?”

Sabine scuttled forward with a cup of tea and she laid a hand on Tom’s arm as she set the cup on the table and invited Jagged to sit. He waved her off and the couple shared an uncomfortable look.

“Marinette was here,” Sabine started carefully, “...with Luka.”

Jagged snorted. “Well, that explains a lot.”

“It does?”

“Sure, great leapin’ lizard shows up outta nowhere. ‘Course people are scared.”

“Well, no, he wasn’t… he looked human, it was just…”

“He’s not,” Jagged completed simply. “And people don’t like what they don’t understand. Can’t understand.” His own brow furrowed with the thought. Wizards hadn't been all that acceptable at first, either, until the King realized they were useful. Still left a bitter taste in Jagged's mouth.

“There was some sort of stand off in the town square,” Sabine continued. “They both escaped, but the townspeople… well…”

“They formed a bloody mob and went after them!” Tom thundered. Sabine laid a hand on his forearm and he quieted.

“We tried to explain, it was out of self-defense, but no one would listen to us.”

“Then they wanted bread the next day like they hadn’t just gone after my family,” Tom growled.

"Wait, they went after them?" Jagged asked, his attention snapping back to Sabine. "What do you mean 'they went after them'? What happened?"

Tom let out a little snort of laughter and sat to cover his chortles. It made Jagged feel somewhat better that he was laughing and not distraught, but the question remained.

"They weren't there," Sabine explained, with a fond sidelong glance to Tom. "We went up with them to try to do something, or convince someone. They'd already left, but—"

"My daughter's a genius," Tom managed between laughs.

"The townspeople heard one wail and ran. Turns out Marinette had strung some armor up. When the wind blew through it, it sounded like some sort of moan, and it made the townspeople think the tower was cursed."

Jagged blinked at Sabine, then at Tom, who was still laughing. Sabine just shrugged, smiling a little, and finally Jagged let out a whooping laugh.

"That's my little baker's girl!" He nudged Tom's shoulder good-naturedly and they fell into laughing together. When they finally stopped, Jagged had to wipe some tears from his eyes. "I can definitely work with that," he said, grinning. Sabine and Tom exchanged a nervous, knowing look.

"No enchanted bogs, Jagged."

"I would never—that was—" Jagged spluttered indignantly. "That was one time!"

"Once was enough, thank you," Sabine said curtly. He rolled his eyes at her and pulled out his mandolin to pluck a few lines.

"Just because that mayor's daughter fell into it doesn't mean—"

Sabine silenced him with a look. He couldn't help grinning, though, as he nodded and clamped his lips shut.

Later, when he made his way up to the tower, he realized what Sabine and Tom had been talking about. The air was filled with unearthly wails and moans that sounded like the dead had been raised, along with the tell-tale clink of empty armor against the trees. Through the greenery, he spotted one of Marinette's rabbit traps holding up a cuirass and he had to smile. Tom was right. Genius.

Jagged rolled his neck and cracked his knuckles as he decided how best to enhance Marinette's plan. A few simple rune traps would add to the effect. Nothing big, just some eerie mist, maybe a spectral form here or there… When they were stepped on they would activate and the whole thing would work like a "keep out" sign for suspicious villagers.

When he'd finished the perimeter, he stood back to admire his work, then turned his attention to the tower. Luka would've left a note, he was sure of it, explaining things. That's the way the kid was. He liked to have things buttoned up and tidied away. He would've said goodbye.

When he did climb the tower, he found the small blue flower that Luka had left, preserved with a little bit of magic Jagged had taught him and kept in place by a stone. When he opened the note, it was blank except for the words, "Thanks for everything."

But, thanks to the preserved flower, Jagged knew exactly what to do to find his real message.

He crumbled the flower and blew the resulting powder into the paper. The residual magic stuck to the encoded words and shimmered a glittery blue in the fading afternoon light.

Jagged, it read, we're headed west into the forest. I'll leave a trail for you so you can come visit wherever we end up.

You've probably already helped Marinette with her idea. If I can ask one more thing of you, there's a trapdoor hidden in the floor in the back of this room. I'm not as skilled in magic as you are, so I couldn't protect the door with anything but a simple lock charm. I know you'll come up with something better.

No enchanted bogs.

Jagged rolled his eyes. Seriously it was one time! Why was everyone so focused on the one time he tried a new spell and turned the entire town into an eternal bog. It wasn't even eternal—the whole thing only lasted a month or so, although, well, the smell did linger a while longer.

He looked around and found the door Luka had mentioned. While it would be hard to find for anyone who wasn't looking, he understood why Luka would want it protected. Those books of his were his life while he'd been here. He looked back to the note and there were only two lines left.

Until I see you again, Luka.

P.S. Don't worry, I'll take care of her.

Jagged smiled as the last line thrummed with a magic Luka probably hadn't intended. He really had to teach that boy about the way love and magic so often coincided.

Although he had a feeling that Luka was starting to discover that for himself.

***

"Dragon?" the merchant asked, rubbing his chin in thought. "No, none of those in these parts. Heard tell of one the next village over, though. 'Round a tower. King's offered some gold for its head if memory serves."

Marinette offered him a tight-lipped smile in return as she paid, conscious of Luka's tense energy beside her.

She turned, handed him the gloves, and pulled at his shirt to prompt him to walk away. He followed, albeit stiffly.

"Luka, I told you already, no one knows it's you they're talking about."

"Doesn't make it any easier," he grumbled back. But he glanced down at his forearms that were still covered in scales despite their stones and tugged the leather gloves on anyway. "Besides, I doubt anyone around here will know where to find Jules. We keep to ourselves, really, and if it hadn't been for my incident I doubt anyone would've even known dragons were still out there."

When he held up his hands to show her what the gloves looked like on him, she glanced over them in approval, then frowned in thought and reached up to brush his hair out of his eyes.

"Nothing we can do about these, I guess."

"Or the teeth," he added, smirking for effect.

“Or the teeth,” she agreed fondly. “I guess just don’t… smile at anyone for now.”

A dry chuckle slid out from between his clenched teeth as his eyes darted around the square they were in, on guard and suspicious, taking note of the people still around them. "Not a problem, love."

She tipped up and kissed the edge of his jaw, which surprised him enough to jar him out of his rigid paranoia and turn that soft look on her. For good measure, she brushed his hair out of his eyes again, more to trail her fingers along his cheeks and down the sides of his neck than because she wanted to see the bright blue of his eyes match the blue of the stone at his neck.

Something ignited in his gaze as he looked at her and she blushed as she pulled her hands away. She'd never felt in danger with Luka before, but that look was definitely dangerous.

"Come on," she muttered, lacing her fingers through his and tugging him along. "There are still some people we can ask, and maybe we can find a place to stay tonight."

***

Juleka startled to attention as footsteps resounded in the empty space of the cave she'd hunkered down in for the time being. It wasn't as cozy as other places, but there was a village nearby that was too close for comfort and she preferred to keep her distance. Stay invisible. Stay alive. That'd been her saving grace for as long as she'd been on her own.

Arguably, she was young for a dragon to be by herself, but without Luka to smooth the waters between them, Juleka and her mother were… inflammatory.

She thought she'd done well enough, but the human stumbling into her cave proved her very wrong. The tiny thing looked up with bleary blue eyes under a fringe of bright blonde hair and gave Juleka a wobbly smile.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice weak, "I just… I'm so tired… I need to…" She didn't even finish the sentence before her knees gave out from under her and, without thinking, Juleka darted towards her to catch her with an armored claw. The sprite of a human gave her a thankful little smile, snuggled into her scales, and promptly fell asleep.

Juleka lowered her head to check that the human was still breathing, careful not to transfer her fire. Luka's mistake had been drilled into her head and she knew—she knew—that if a dragon shared their fire they shared their life. It wasn't worth it, her mother had said, giving up the freedom of the skies for anyone or anything.

Not that Juleka wanted to. Looking at the tiny, helpless thing in her arms that she could easily swipe aside without another thought—protect herself and protect her secret—she couldn't see why a dragon would ever bother with them. If it weren't for Luka's accident, she knew he wouldn't have chosen a human.

Still, she had to admit, the way the blonde's eyelashes fluttered in her sleep was… maybe a little cute.

#lukanette #pro lukamari #lukanette endgame #endgame lukanette #jagged stone #sorcerer!jagged #tom and sabine Dupain-Cheng #marinette dupain cheng #luka couffaine #dragon!luka #juleka couffaine #dragon!juleka #rose lavillant #LBSC Exchange 2021 #fic title: playing with fire

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sorin-in-the-sixth-sense · 3 years ago

Text

Snupin Incorrect Quotes In Pink

Snape: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Lupin: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Snape: Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Lupin: Is it working?

Lupin: Okay, help me please!

Snape: Got two words for you.

Lupin: I bet they won't be helpful.

Snape: Your problem.

Lupin: I was right

Snape: Wow, Lupin, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Lupin: I literally shagged you yesterday.

Snape: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

Lupin: Hey Severus, can I get a sip of your water?

Snape: It's not water.

Lupin: Vodka, I like your style!

Snape: It's vinegar.

Lupin: Wh-Wha-

Snape: It's vinegar, COWARD.

Snape: I am not out of control! I'm a law abiding citizen!

Lupin: Really? Name one law

Snape: Don't kill people?

Lupin: That's on me. I set the bar too low.

Snape: You're right.

Lupin: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

Snape, after a lesson: I prevented a murder today.

Lupin: Really? How’d you do that?

Snape: self control.

Snape: Yeah I'm LGBT.

Snape: cuLt leader.

Snape: God hates me personally.

Snape: cowBoy hat.

Snape: *Sniffles* Trying my best.

Lupin: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY]

Snape: What the fuck is that?

Lupin: Remorse code.

Snape: I'm even angrier now.

Lupin, handing Sev a hot cup of tea: blow.

Snape: *shrugs and gets down on his knees*

Lupin: THE TEA-

Lupin: *Gets down on one knee*

Snape: Oh my god, it’s finally happening.

Lupin: *Falls over*

Snape: The poison is kicking in.

Harry: I KNEW IT

Snape: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.

Lupin, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

Lupin: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.

Snape: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.

Snape: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.

Lupin: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.

Snape: It’s dark in here

Lupin: Don’t worry dude I got this

Lupin: *Stomps their feet*

Lupin:: *Skechers light up*

Snape: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

Snape: I made tea.

Lupin: I don’t want tea.

Snape: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Lupin: Then why are you telling me?

Snape: It is a conversation starter.

Lupin: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Snape: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

Snape: The food is too hot, I cant eat it.

Lupin: You’re too hot and I still eat you

Snape: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Lupin: You're like 15 years old

Snape: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

Snape: What’s up guys? I’m back.

Lupin: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.

Snape: Death is a social construct.

Snape: Am I going too far?

Lupin: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.

Lupin: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside

Snape:

Snape: Lupin, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...

Lupin: *Sips coffee from bowl*

Lupin: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao

Snape:

Snape: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.

Snape: I came out here to attack people and I'm honestly having such a good time right now.

Lupin: You need more potassium, just eat yogurt then!

Snape: Yogurt is just fruit sperm. And I'm not gay.

Lupin: Know why I called you in here?

Snape: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic?

Lupin: *Stops pouring two glasses of wine.* Accidentally?

Snape: Lily, can I talk to you for a second?

Lily: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Remus are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?

Snape: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss.

Snape: I’ve read books.

Lupin: Pros and cons of dating me.

Lupin: Pros. You'll be the cute one.

Lupin: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

Lupin: Who hurt you?

Snape: *Snorting* What, do you want a list?

Lupin: ...Yes, actually.

Lupin: I would never say that Severus is a bitch and I don’t don’t like him. That’s not true… Severus is a bitch and I like him so much!

*Snape arguing with Lupin*

Snape: Just take what’s yours and go!

Lupin: Fine!

Lupin: *Tries to pick up Sev*

Lupin: Uh… Could you come with me?

Snape: I love you.

Lupin, not paying attention: What was that?

Snape: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

Lupin: It'll be fun.

Lupin: We'll make a day of it.

Lupin: Come on you punk bitch.

Snape: I can't believe I have to say this.

Snape: I don't have time to get tested for sti's with you tomorrow.

Snape: *Angrily presses Lupin against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?!

Lupin: ...

Lupin: Are we about to kiss-

Lupin: Do you hold any grudges?

Snape: *Thinks about the list they made of everyone who forgot to tell them ‘Happy Birthday’* No.

Lupin: You're violent.

Snape: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.

Lupin: Can you cut me some slack, Snape? I’m sort of in love.

Snape: I’m sorry, but that’s really not my problem.

Lupin: I’m in love with you.

Snape: *Blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.

Lupin: I think I just figured something out. I got to go.

Snape: Aren't you forgetting something?

Lupin: Uuh…*Hesitantly kisses Sev’s forehead before running out.*

Snape: No- Pay your bill!

Lupin: Are you ready to commit?

Snape: Like, a crime or a relationship?

Snape: Go fuck yourself.

Lupin, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch

Snape: Ugh, the milk expires tomorrow.

Lupin, hinting at their anniversary: Tomorrow’s a real special day, huh?

Snape, confused: Not for anyone who drinks milk.

Lupin: Severus is playing hard to get.

Lupin: Little does he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Snape: Can I have 2 straws with that milkshake?

Lupin: Aww-

Snape: With 2 straws, I can drink it double as fast!

Snape: I owe you one.

Lupin: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.

Snape: So you like cats?

Lupin: Yeah.

Snape: *Tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*

Lupin: As top in this relationship, I think we should-

Snape: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.

Snape: I cant make it today, stress is bad for the baby.

Lupin: What baby?

Snape: Me.

Snape about Lupin: I’d never forgive myself if something happened to him and I wasn’t at his bedside to say “I told you so.”

Lupin: Fuck you

Snape: *takes an audibly exaggerated deep breath*

Lily: *in the background* NO SEV HE’S NOT WORTH IT-

Snape: please do

Snape: *kisses Lupin softly*

McGonnagal: Wait... didnt you two hate eachother?

Snape: Shit, you’re right

Snape: *kisses Lupin aggressively*

Lupin: I dont wanna date some pretty girl, I wanna date you!

Snape:

Lupin: Wow ok, that came out wrong.

Lupin: *Kisses Sev’s cheek*

Snape: . . .what was that?

Lupin: Affection?

Snape: Disgusting.

Snape: ...

Snape: Do it again

#severus snape #remus lupin #snupin #wolfprince #incorrect quotes #incorrect harry potter quotes #incorrect snape quotes #pro snape #snape love #snapedom #homosnapians #source: scatterpatter's incorrect quotes generator

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peace-for-levi · 4 years ago

Text

Isabel [Levi Ackerman x GN!Reader]

N.B: heya! if you're scrolling through the tags and thinking, "hey, i have read this before..." chances are you probably have! don't worry, this is not plagiarism. you read that on a - now - deleted blog (i had to restart for reasons i won't go into.) so i am reposting everything now!

synopsis: when levi's wife goes into labour, he has to drop the crude, cold façade he normally holds and be there in their time of need.

tw: possible inaccuracies as i have never been pregnant before LOL, reader is labouring, occasional use of she/her throughout, levi being soft ASF (self-indulgent all the way.)

You turned your head at the sound of the door and almost immediately, you felt the wintery gust flood through the narrow hallway of your house. You sucked in a breath, but you quickly smiled. After all, your husband had returned to your cosy cottage.

He shut the door behind him, and you saw him lean his head against it, heaving a great sigh. You frowned at how he almost always needed those few seconds to just process everything in his head before turning to face you. You instinctively brought a hand down to your swollen tummy - was this a good decision after all? Having a baby in these troubling, turbulent times?

But then he turned around again to face you and his face was illuminated by the amber-coloured light of the oil lamp. He saw you stirring the steaming pot of stew and his steely gaze softened immediately.

He smiled.

Don’t be silly, you chastised yourself for such thoughts, he’s happy with us.

Of course he was. He could calm down instantly looking at you. He walked over and shrugged off his forest green cloak and placed it on the counter next to you. War-torn hands reaching out and cupping your cheeks, he pressed his lips to your forehead. You felt his calloused thumbs rub against your temples and you leaned into his touch. Immediately his hands fell to your tummy and rubbed in circles.

“Dinner smells good,” he whispers softly against your lips, “how was your day?”

Dinner did smell good; nothing could beat some beef stew after a long day with your cast iron kettle hanging over the fire, right? He couldn’t wait until your bellies were filled and he could cosy up with you in front of the fire with a cup of black tea in his hand.

Your smile grew wider when he sank to his knees and nuzzled against your tummy. You were probably going to give birth in the next week or two. You lowered your right hand and allowed it to tread through his raven locks, your other hand still stirring to prevent any sticking to your pot.

“Eh…” you huffed out.

Levi pulled back for a bit. “Had an ‘eh’ day myself… What’s troubling you?”

“Just very crampy today and my back is killing me. Why did you have an ‘eh’ day?”

You almost laughed when you heard Levi’s heavy sigh, and it was a long sigh too. He closed his eyes as he recounted the disaster at HQ but… what with the amount of grief Levi had been through, there was very little that could faze him now.

Still, when he recounted to you that Hange accidentally launched one of their new projects - a thunder spear - into HQ and close to his office at that - while he was drinking his tea! - obviously he would be pretty livid. All that was destroyed in the fires of the aftermath were two bedrooms and a storage room, and thankfully no lives were lost, but he wasn’t going to forgive Hange for a while after this. You had to give him credit for his composure.

“I miss Hange, even in spite of these incidents.” You spoke.

You hadn’t seen Hange since you were discharged by Erwin at three months. Well, you had waved at her in the streets when you did your shopping for you and Levi and you might converse briefly, but she was always too busy to stop by for a chat. She did, however, say she’d be present for the birth.

“I bet he’d get along with Hange.”

“Still sure we’re having a boy?” your husband asked.

You yawned as exhaustion began to consume you more and more. “Yeah, he is giving me a lot of trouble like how his father used to.” You teased.

Levi only muttered something under his breath, and you weren’t quite sure what it was. He leaned back a bit and extended his index finger. “Oi, stop giving your mother a hard time. She’s tired.”

Another yawn. “I am, actually. I might pass on dinner tonight and just head to bed.”

Levi stood up again and eyed you curiously; wasn’t like you to skip dinner but he thought nothing of it. He mentioned he’d save some for you and with a chaste kiss to your lips, you made your way upstairs.

You opened the creaky, wooden door to your shared bedroom and when you disrobed, you rooted around for a clean nightgown in your drawers. You groaned as another sharp pain radiated around your lower back and pelvic area. You held onto the edge of the drawers with a white-knuckle grip. You had gotten cramps here and there before throughout your pregnancy, but these were just all-consuming. A few more whimpers and a few deep breaths though, and they subsided.

Hmm, weird, there’s no way it’s time already? I’m still a week or two early, you said to yourself. If he wants to come now, what will happen… would he be healthy?

You shook your head and made your way over to the bed, propping yourself up with a few pillows. It wasn’t long before Levi came into the room too with a candle in his hand before placing it down on his desk. As he removed his shirt, the dull light illuminated and highlighted his defined body. You smiled dozily at him and you were fast asleep before he could even climb into bed.

Awaking in the middle of the night with your husband’s arms wrapped around you was always a treat. He didn’t always sleep, and when he did, it was poor. But whenever his arms snaked around your chest with one hand resting on your tummy, you knew he was sleeping well. It gave you a chance to look at his unguarded and peaceful countenance.

You woke up with a feeling of heartburn that was hard to ignore so you decided a drink of water might be a good idea. You made your way downstairs, careful not to wake your sleeping husband. Leaning against the countertop once you reached the kitchen, you fetched yourself a glass of water and began to sip slowly.

Gulping the last bit down, you placed the glass in a sink and walked towards the stairs again… until you felt a gush of warm liquid flow down your legs.

Oh, crap!

You peered down at the pool of fluid between your legs that was now pooling in your hallway. Your mind froze and all you could do was stare for a few seconds.

“U-uh… Levi?!” you shrieked.

You heard a large thud from upstairs when he landed less than gracefully - unceremoniously, even - after jumping from your bed and he was quick to scurry down the stairs at the yell.

“What the hell?! Are you ok--?”

He stopped when his bare feet splashed against the pool of fluids between you both.

“Oh, my?” he questioned and peered down. “Is it that time already?”

You only blinked at his calmness at the situation. How was he not freaking out?! Your fingers moved to clench your soaking gown. He reached for your hands and walked you towards the front door. He stopped for a few seconds as he scratched his head in thought.

“Levi?!” you screeched at his silence.

He had to stay as calm as possible. It was something he was well used to, being a good captain and all. But it was so different in this situation. Seeing you panic like this and the gravity of the situation made him almost lose his composure. He was able to keep everything well hidden beneath his steely exterior and this was all because he was good at analysing typically abnormal situations.

This wasn’t a situation like this. All he had to do was be a supportive husband for you.

As he hurried down the stairs again, the realization dawned on him again.

Was this actually happening? Were you two going to be parents? Could you two do this?

Well, it was not like you had a choice now.

“Come, let’s get moving.” He said, holding you with one hand by the small of your back.

He assisted you back up the stairs as fast as your body would allow, but once you got to the bathroom just a few metres shy of your bedroom, that’s when you felt everything tighten and your breath became lodged in your throat. Your legs buckled as your hands gripped onto the architrave. Levi was quick to descend with you and hold your hand. A pained groan escaped your lips and you heard deep breaths beside you.

“Deep breaths, you can do it, [F/n]...” he said as he rubbed your back in circles. He tried to do deep breathing with you, taking long, exaggerated breaths. All to feel you a little less alone or too lost in your own pain.

It wasn’t the worst pain you had experienced - you were a former veteran of the Scouts after all - but that didn’t make the feeling pleasant either.

He propped up all the pillows to give you ample support and he placed a hand on your shin, gesturing you to keep your legs open. It seemed that the next contraction seemed to be taking its time, so he made the decision to alert the neighbours. This was a plan Levi had made with them a few months ago, that he’d call next door and ask them to go rush to the nurses and for Hange. Luckily for you two, HQ was no more than a five-minute walk away.

After slipping into a dress shirt and black slacks, he ran down the stairs and hopped over the wall to your neighbour. It was close to midnight now, but hopefully they’d be awake… If not, he’d have to leave you alone by yourself and that was not an option.

He rapped on the door and even called out to them, before knocking again. Thankfully, the middle-aged man and his wife seemed to be up and were quick to open the door.

Perhaps Levi looked a bit more flustered than he thought he did. Then again, as someone so composed all the time, any change in composure screamed out.

“Captain Levi? Is everything alright?” the wife asked.

Levi inhaled sharply. Damn, he was getting stressed already. If they were to shine the oil lamp up to his face, they would be able to see the sweat beading at his brows and how his pupils had narrowed from the intensity of the situation. “[F/n] has gone into labour, earlier than we expected. She needs the nurses a-and Hange--” Fuck, was he stuttering from it all? “I can’t leave her alone to get them and-”

The wife who was probably a good three inches shorter than him looked up at him and passed him a soft smile; a reassuring smile. She had been through all this before. She knew the chaos involved but knew the best thing he could be was a pillar of support for you. She placed her hands on his shoulders and got her to look at him. Normally he’d shrug off any physical contact from anyone that wasn’t you, but his mind was spiralling, and he was doing his best to hide it.

“Levi, it’s okay. Dear, you go get the nursing staff and Hange, okay?” she called out to her husband who had already saddled up in the meantime and taken off. “My husband will be back soon. Let me get you a few things.”

Levi tapped his foot impatiently as she pattered around the house for a bit. She came back with a bag of rags, towels and some knitted clothes.

“It’s important you stay calm, okay? What do you think you’ll have?”

Levi shrugged as he nodded his thanks. “I don’t know, of course, but [F/n] reckons we’ll have a boy.”

“Hmm… I think you’ll have a daughter!” she beamed.

Levi began to head out the door again. “Look, thank you so much for everything.”

“Best of luck, Levi,” she wished with a gleeful smile, “and congratulations.”

Levi nodded with the bag and headed back up the stairs of his home. He burst through the door of your bedroom and was immediately at your side again. He dropped the bag down at your bedside and reached for your hand. He caught you just in time for another contraction. You tried to steady yourself, but you cried out once more and gripped onto the blankets as another contraction overwhelmed you. You hastily grabbed a pillow and cried into it, trying to muffle your cries. Okay, it was official, this was the worst pain you had felt thus far, and all Levi could do was stare helplessly.

It’s not like he could do much. He couldn’t take away the pain from you, but by god, he wished he could. He’d deliver the child if biologically possible, anything to not see you in so much agony. But every time a contraction died away, you would re-emerge and tackle this again with an ungodly amount of strength.

And he couldn’t be prouder of you in these agonizing yet awe-inspiring moments.

You lowered your pillow when you vaguely heard the crowd of nurses patter into the room and everything kicked off. The lead nurse stated she’d be the main overseer to everything. At times, Levi’s mind flitted in and out of the conversation at hand from the nurses. His stare glossed over occasionally, and you couldn’t exactly decipher what it was he was feeling. Whatever it was he was feeling, he hid it well. He absent-mindedly rubbed the small of your back hoping you’d relax as the nurse checked your cervix. His ears perked up once he heard the number ‘three.’

“Three centimetres, seven to go, I reckon.”

“OOH, SEVEN?! HOW EXCITING!” a voice from outside screeched and Levi’s face fell flat. The bespectacled brunette burst through the door. “THAT’S SO FEW!”

“Hange.” Levi barked. He said nothing but his gaze said, be quiet now. “If you’re not gonna be helpful to [F/n], you can leave out the door you came in.”

“Sorry, sorry,” she aired as she rushed over to the other side of your bed and sat on top. “How are you doing, [f/n]? Anything I can do?” she asked. At first you shook your head, but when she mentioned that she brought a few scented candles to help soothe you - or at the very least, keep a gentle ambiance going - you perked up. “Okay, I’ll go light them. Levi, do you have any matches?”

“In the high cupboard left to the sink.” He said and she scurried down.

“Fuck… Levi, it’s happening again…” you groaned as you tossed your head back.

“I have you.” He reminded. He loosened his hand so you could squeeze it. With each contraction came a pain that dominated your entire being. In those moments, for those seconds that stretched into infinity, there was nothing else. Every contraction seemed to hurt more than before, and you would be left panting and almost delirious for a few seconds. Everything melted into the background when a contraction came; the nurses melted to nothing as did their encouraging cries.

But you remained grounded to Levi. He held your hand with every contraction and his lips were pressed to your sweaty temple. While you could only vaguely hear his encouraging words, he was still there and encouraging you to breathe deeply through it all, even if it hardly did anything to alleviate the pain.

“How much longer will this take?”

“She progressed quickly enough to get to the three so it may not take too long. Though it could just as easily be another few hours, or even well into tomorrow. I’m sorry, there’s no way of knowing.” The nurse replied.

Levi only nodded. He just wanted you to be okay and to make this as pain-free as possible. Hange came back in with the matches and began to light a few candles.

As time passed, your head fell. The contractions kept coming but you weren’t progressing as fast as you thought. By the time the second hour rolled by, you had only made it to four centimetres. You were reminded that you’d know when to push.

Levi couldn’t stand to see you in so much pain.

“Is there anything we can do?” he asked, now getting slightly panicked.

The nurse smiled sadly, knowing there was only so much they could do. “[F/n], how about a walk out in the fresh air?” she offered.

Levi peered over at you. Within the past two hours, he had acquired a basin and wet cloth, and was dabbing it occasionally on your forehead. “How about it?” he asked, repeating the motion of it as you lifted your head up again to receive his touch.

“If I walk down those stairs, I don’t think I’ll make it back up…” you huffed.

Hange had taken to holding your other hand too. Levi’s initial glare at her excitement seemed to do the trick and she was very helpful. Perhaps more proactive than the nurses. Then again, she was your best friend; she probably wanted to do everything under the sun.

“A bath may help?” Hange perked up. “Warm water and all?” to which you nodded.

Levi stood and pulled you up. Before you may have walked upright and with your back straight, but now you walked totally hunched over. He ordered for someone - anyone who could get there fastest - to draw a bath. A few stayed behind in the bedroom, taking turns supervising you.

Levi walked you towards the bathroom and unbuttoned your nightgown. With an ‘arms up’ command, he had it off you quickly and you were left in just your bra. He lowered you into the bath and you sat in the middle of the tub. He questioned why you weren’t going to lean back and that was when you asked him to come into the bath with you. He wasn’t going to fight you in the moment and rushed back to the bedroom and put on a pair of (swimming) shorts… or shorts he had no issue getting wet. Within mere seconds, he lowered himself into the bath and wrapped his legs loosely around your waist, his chest firm against your back. He began to rub your arms up and down and leaned over to press a kiss to your cheek.

“You’re doing so well.” He said. His tone lowered to a whisper when he heard you begin to weep. “Hey, hey, hey… What’s wrong? Ah-- Hange, can you go get us a basin?” he asked. Your face paled a little and he shouted for the Titan scientist to hurry as another contraction washed over you.

“L-Levi, I don’t feel right…”

“Hange!” he barked for the third time.

You brought a hand up to your mouth and expelled whatever food had been inside you from before. The pain of this contraction was so intense you had thrown up. Levi swept a thumb across your chin and Hange came in with a basin, and you spilled the rest into it. In fact, you threw up twice more. The bitter taste in your mouth left you feeling all disgusting and ‘icky’, and you let out a choked sob of frustration. Your body had you rocking back and forth on its own accord, trying to move with the pain so to speak, letting out pained groans through gnashed teeth.

Levi leaned you forward and began to rub your lower back. “Breathe. You gotta breathe, [f/n], come on.”

You shook your head as you wailed, almost sounding like you were giving in. “I can’t! It’s too much, Levi!”

“Hey,” he called gently. “Sniff the flowers,” he commanded and paused to breathe in, “and blow out the candles” and he exhaled. “You can do that for me?”

You weren’t sure about how the silly visual cue helped you at all, but you also knew Levi wasn’t going to quit saying it until you did what he told you to do. After a few deep breaths, you calmed down and your contraction died away. Levi continued to rub your lower back, offering whispered words of encouragement.

“Gosh, Shorty, aren’t you such a sweetie?” Hange jeered.

“Go away, Four Eyes.”

The contractions came and went, growing more and more intense. Levi sometimes opted to swish the water down and forth or turn on the tap, to give you something else to focus on. You weren’t sure how long you two stayed in the bath, but Levi helped lift you out once the water had gotten cold. Hange went to relight the candles, pillows were propped back up and you were moved back to your bedroom, to do the whole thing all over again.

And frankly, you weren’t sure how long you could hold on for. It was unbearable. As the hours ticked by until the wee morning, you were losing your strength.

“I’m sorry.” Levi mumbled as he kissed your matted hair.

“It hurts so much. I’m so tired.” You whispered, your voice dry and hoarse.

Levi looked up at the nurse and then over at the small clock on your bedside lock. Seven in the morning, so you had been labouring for seven hours, if not more if you were experiencing smaller contractions before your water broke.

How he ached to take all your pain away from you; to shoulder it all and save you from this agony. You both knew it would be worth it at the end, but the process of getting there was no doubt painful.

“You’re doing well. It’ll all be over soon, won’t it?” he asked and looked at the nurse.

“I’ll go see how far you are,” she said, softly. You let your legs widen as she did another cervical exam. You flinched a bit as you felt her gloved fingers inside. She gasped. “My, you’re almost there. Easily nine centimetres!”

For the first time in a couple hours, you felt genuine relief amidst all the chaos and pain.

Levi had sent the nurses and Hange downstairs an hour later, telling them they were free to help themselves to food stored in your cupboards. They had been crowding around you both for over eight hours now, they deserved a break too. You were fine with your husband sitting through your contractions with you, especially when you only had a centimetre or two left.

That was when you felt an excruciating pain down below, unlike anything you had felt all evening. Levi was at your side in seconds.

“What is it?”

“Hnnn!” you groaned out. This was it. This had to be it, the feeling the nurses told you about. An overwhelming amount of pressure was building between your legs and you let out a guttural noise. “Get Hange and the nurses.”

“Wait, is time? Now-”

“Get the fucking nurse, Levi!” you yelled, and he ran down to fetch them.

The pressure had your hips swaying into position, it was almost unbearable to refrain from pushing. The pain had your whole body trembling. Levi arrived back in with the nurses and you opened your legs at the lead nurse’s command. Your husband was sitting by your side once more, lacing his fingers with yours.

“I see a head! And plenty of hair too! The baby has moved into the birth canal. I need you to push on the next contraction.” She explained.

You heaved in massive strokes, starting to lose your breath. You were completely worn out now, body and mind. You all waited with bated breaths for the next contraction to hit. You took in a massive breath when you felt that familiar pain come back again. Your stomach tightened - everything tightened - as a scream ripped out from your throat.

“You have got to push harder, [f/n].” The nurse urged. Hange came in, sitting on the bed and shuffled onto the bed to hold your other hand.

You shook your head. There was no way you could, you were so depleted of energy.

“You can do this.” Your husband said.

“I can’t! You have to do it for me!” you wept into his arms.

“I would if I could.” He assured you.

The nurse called for your attention. “The next time you push, tuck your chin into your chest and push as though you got to do a number two. But push very hard.”

You blinked frantically. “Wait, what if I do poop?”

“That means you’re pushing right!” Hange cheered.

This entire conversation made Levi grimace, and it took every ounce of self-control to not cringe.

The final contraction hit and with whatever strength you could muster, you pushed through with a shrill cry. The baby began to crown, the hot stretching of flesh almost making you want to stop but you had to keep pushing through. You felt the head leave your body and you pushed through the rest of your contraction. You held onto Levi’s hand with such force he was pretty sure you could have broken it. And he would have taken it.

And then the pain left your body finally.

Tiny cries pierced the air.

Levi tilted your head back and his lips crashed against yours in a kiss that carried so many emotions with it; love, adoration, pride, elation and gratitude. He kissed you again and once more while your baby was being wrapped up. One of the extra nurses moved to clean you up and help deliver the placenta.

“A girl, congratulations.” The nurse whispered. Hange cracked a toothy grin, but she knew to step back and leave you two to have your moment.

You looked down at your wrapped-up little miracle, falling in-love instantly. Had her father’s hair and gunmetal eyes, but your eye shape and complexion. She also had your chin too. Your index finger rubbed against her plump cheeks and almost began to whimper again but with a few gentle hushes from you, she settled down once more. She was probably hungry too.

“She looks so much like you…” you whispered, looking up at your husband. The nurses and Hange took this as their cue to leave. Levi’s eyes had completely glossed over with a newfound vulnerable expression that you had never seen before. You could tell he was just itching to hold her, so as gently as you could, you shuffled over to the side to allow Levi to relax into the headrest. “Here, Levi.”

Your little girl was placed into his arms and a calloused thumb immediately went to trace under her eyes and around her cheeks, her forehead; everywhere. A swell of emotions overcame him like a tsunami crashing against the shoreline and he shut his eyes, tears flowing down his pallid cheeks and he made no effort to stop them. His lower lips trembled, and minute whimpers escaped his lips, but he was desperately clawing at whatever composure he had left to try to piece himself back together.

But he could cry, his daughter was here. He was a father now; he could be as emotional as he liked, and no one would care.

“Isabel.” You said, gently, and Levi nodded at the suggestion.

Levi’s thumb moved to his daughter’s fist and her fingers latched around it instantly, bringing his thumb to her mouth and began to suck. He let out a soft chuckle. “I think she’s hungry.”

“I bet she is.” You said, reaching out and taking a hold of her once more. The baby began to wriggle, and her arms broke free from the blanket, beginning to fuss. You lowered one side of your nightgown and held your daughter against your breast. She latched after a few seconds and by god was it uncomfortable. The feeling had you biting your lower lip in discomfort, but you just had to grin and bear it.

The three of you sat in silence for another half hour or so as you nursed your baby when you heard a knock on the door. Hange peeked her head around and smiled widely at you both.

“Shhh.” Levi was quick to say.

Hange tiptoed in. “I may have bought a few visitors…”

The raven-haired man’s face fell flat. “How many?”

And in came all of Levi’s newest squad and Erwin. He face-palmed at the noise and shrugged off his blazer to cover you and your daughter.

“Is this a bad time, Levi?”

“Yes, it’s a bad time. She’s barely been born a half hour and--”

“I KNEW IT WOULD BE A GIRL! TAKE THAT, MISTER DEATH WISH!” you heard come from outside the room. You only sighed softly.

“I tried to keep those two out of this,” Erwin mentioned as he walked over to the two of you. You removed your baby from your breast and buttoned up your nightgown again. The blonde smiled in pure adoration. “She’s so precious. Congratulations, Levi, [F/n].”

“Thank you, Erwin.” He replied and you nodded your thanks.

In your half-asleep state, you began to nurse again in front of everyone, not bothering to cover up. Levi sighed heavily and moved to cover you up again before you came through.

“Sir, we can call back later if you want.” Eren piped up, walking over to stand by his superior.

“It’s okay, Eren, this is natural. I don’t mind, provided you don’t stare too much.”

“I mind?!” Levi cried. With your free hand, you rested it on his hand. He took a deep breath and sighed. “Fine. You can stay, Jaeger. All of you can.”

Sasha and Connie were next to try to squeeze onto your too small bed for nine extra people.

“I brought her some potatoes!” she chimed and handed one to you. You had to politely explain that babies probably won’t eat until four months at the earliest. And even then, it would only be baby gloop and mushy foods. Not steamed potatoes.

Connie peaked over Levi’s shoulder. “Do you mind?” Levi asked him rhetorically.

“Nope,” he answered swiftly and saluted. On the wrong side. “Sir, why does it look squishy and ugly?”

And then ensued a fiery debate from everyone in the room (apart from Erwin) on why you shouldn’t call babies squishy and ugly, especially in front of their parents. Especially if one of those parents was one Levi Ackerman. But amidst all the commotion, both you and your baby were tuckered out. Levi was surprised that he saw you dozing off in spite of all the ruckus and that your baby was suckling away on nothing.

The short man may have had his doubts before Isabel was born but looking at everyone around here right now - being so chaotic and noisy, but so full of happiness and pride for you both - made all those negative thoughts wash away.

It took a bit of shuffling and squeaking of military boots, but eventually everyone was kicked out by Levi. He looked back fondly at you two, both of you sound asleep.

He would promise you both a normal, peaceful, family life one day. Even if he had to lay down his life doing it.

Because every doubt, struggle, emotional outburst, hormonal-fuelled argument led you both to this, and he would not trade it for the world.

This was his purpose; protect his beautiful wife and precious daughter.

And maybe one day, in the distant future, he would be able to spend more time with you two. In a world without Titans. In a world that was peaceful.

But for now, he had a small serving - a slice - of peace at home and he couldn’t wait to navigate this new chapter of his life with you.

#cece; writing #cece; levi #levi x reader #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #snk #aot #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #attack on titan #eren jaeger #snk x reader #aot x reader #levi x y/n

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soulvee-animationz · 3 years ago

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Queens of Caninia as incorrect quotes!!

@f-p-studios

Jenn: With great power comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.

Indy, threatening the others with a paintball gun: Listen... Life comes at us fast. We don't know what life is gonna give us... And today, it's gonna give you... a paintball! Katherina: Okay okay stop asking me if I'm straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a FUCKING THREAT.

Moon: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?' Moon: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.

Amber: You’ll have a hard time believing this because it never happens, but I made a mistake.

Fiona: Not trying to brag or anything, but I can wake up without an alarm clock now simply due to my crippling and overwhelming anxiety, so...

Jenn: I prevented a murder today. Katherina: Really? How’d you do that? Jenn: self control.

Jenn, standing with their back turned: I’ve been expecting you, Katherina. Katherina: How did you do that without turning around? Jenn: ... To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.

Jenn: I'm incredibly fast at math. Katherina: Alright, what's 30x17? Jenn: 47 Katherina: That's not even close. Jenn: But it was fast.

Indy: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis. Fiona: You're like 15 years old Indy: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

Indy: Here's some advice Fiona: I didn't ask for any Indy: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me

Indy: Hey, you want some leftovers? Fiona: What's that? Indy: You've never had leftovers??? Fiona: No, because I'm not a quitter.

Amber: This is a mistake Fiona, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day! Amber: But not today Fiona, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess

Moon: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though. Amber: You need to stop.

Moon: Today is a day of running through hurdles. Amber: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles? Moon: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.

Fiona: Welcome, fellow idiots Amber: Hello, Fiona Fiona: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot Amber: You underestimate me

Fiona: Do you think you’d actually notice if someone didn’t cast a shadow? Or if their limbs were just slightly too long? Or if they had just a little too many teeth? like how many times have you passed Something on the street and you just didn’t Notice It? Amber: Stay woke monsterfuckers ur love is out there!!!!! Fiona: Yknow what? Not my point at all in any way whatsoever, but I’m glad I could be an inspiration.

Fiona: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao Amber: What did you do Fiona? Fiona: A MISTAKE

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’* Moon: Thanks fam! Jenn: oh no Amber: *cries* I love you too Katherina: Sounds fake but okay Fiona: *A flustered mess* Indy: can i get a refund

Moon: Hewwo. Amber: Hihiiiiii! Jenn: Greetings, Humans. Katherina: Three kinds of people. Fiona: I want pudding. Moon: Four kinds of people. Indy: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS? Katherina: Five kinds of people.

Moon: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. Amber: What if it bites me and it dies!? Jenn: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Amber, learn to listen. Fiona: What if it bites itself and I die? Indy: That’s voodoo. Katherina: What if it bites me and someone else dies? Amber: That’s correlation, not causation. Fiona: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die? Indy: That’s kinky. Moon: Oh my God.

#my little pony #incorrect quotes #my little pony incorrect quotes #mlp incorrect quotes #mlp #queens of caninia #katherina proudpaws #jennino lanternlight #Indiana ambereyes #moonbeam twinkletail #ambrosia muffinbuns #fiona floppyears #text

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opluffys · 4 years ago

Text

What We Aren’t- Killer x Reader

this took me so long cuz i had no motivation to write it... i fucking love killer but i’m so lazy lol. i hate this but there’s not that many fics for him, so enjoy? idk i’ve been unhappy with my writing for a while ughhh. please enjoy even though it’s bad! *please let me know if something looks off in the writing, sometimes it copies weird!!*

-smut/nsfw-

You sat perched upon your small, uncomfortable office chair, calmly awaiting a very important call. All you had been doing this entire day was waiting, for that damn transponder snail to ring. How long does it take to read over one single paper and respond back?

Being a member of a Supernova's crew meant a lot of injuries, you were no fool, no. You knew the toll it'd take on you as a surgeon to become Kid's ship doctor. One would take a look at you and assume you had enjoyed the challenge, the thrill of getting a new patient under the operating table each hour with something new wrong with them.

No, that was not the case, not at all.

Goodness, you adored being a surgeon, of course! Holding that scalpel and practically slicing people open always made you giddy. A sadistic surgeon, guess that's what people would pinpoint you as. But those were just simple perks of being the ship doctor on the Victoria Punk.

The real treat was the second in command.

Every time you weren't blinded by the lights in the operating room, you would steal glances at the attractive man. How mysterious he was just did wonders for you...

Over the years that you had stayed, you obviously had made advances. You wouldn't say that Killer always had women throwing themselves at him, they must be blind, though. So of course when you hinted that you wanted him in a more, intimate, manner, he at times accepted.

The two of you were not in a relationship, in fact, the two of you had barely exchanged any words to one another. Even though you always treated his wounds with utmost care, and not a word was said. Just a simple thanks and he was on his way.

You didn't care, though. You were not, by any means, looking for a long term relationship. You did not have the time for that, and you probably never would, if you were to continue your role as a surgeon, that was all you could focus on.

You scribbled notes down messily, crossing names out on the list quickly. While you waited for the transponder snail to ring, you decided to doodle a list. It wasn't important, not in the slightest. But you wanted to see how each crew member had gotten injured and where. It wouldn't help, but it was fun to see such a thing.

You heard the door swing open, being caught just in time in order not to bang against the wall. You were about to yell at whoever burst inside in such a way, but then you saw that familiar mass of fluffy blonde hair.

"Well, hello." You said, settling back into the chair, hearing it give a weak squeak in response to any weight put onto it. You really needed to get a new chair.

Killer grunted in response, and a small sigh left your lips. At times, you would question why he wasn't so talkative like the rest of the crew.

You quickly ripped the list that you had made, tossing it in the nearest trash bin you could find. You figured now would be a time to make an actual list you would use, not one that would bring you petty amusement.

"So, what do you need? You don't look injured, and I only do surgeries. So go over to the others if you have a scratch you need checked." You said, scribbling more unreadable words down.

"Since when do you only do surgeries?" You heard an unfamiliar voice pipe in. In question, you rose your head from the notes over to the voice you heard. After seeing a random lackey holding bandages, you scoffed and gave an eye roll.

"Too many on this ship come to me everyday to go under my operating table. You know that? Imagine if I had to take care of everyone else who came to me with a runny nose crying for dear life. I'd go insane." You said, relaxing your skilled hands in your lap, smiling proudly. Of course you would end up helping anyone who wandered into your office regardless. You knew nobody else could take care of anyone like you.

You shooed the young boy out of the office, who smiled in return to your words, not believing a thing, he knew how soft you were.

You groaned loudly, putting your head against the table. Why couldn't you be a mean pirate like your captain? Refusing any with a small bruise on their arm. It's your own damn fault, being too nice to the crew members, acting like their damn mother.

You then returned to take your notes.

"I need painkillers."

You nearly had a heart attack.

"You're gonna fucking end me..!" You gasped, feeling your heart beat quicken.

You calmed down quickly, your heart still beating quite quickly. Not because of how scared you were, but because of who was in front of you.

"Why?"

"I've been feeling a little sore and tense lately." Killer replied, leaning on the wall.

You laughed, bringing your hand to your mouth. "I can give you painkillers for that, but it can easily go away by a simple massage." You said, kicking your legs up onto the table. Hell, it was disrespectful, but it was your office. You could do whatever the fuck you wanted here.

"And I think I could help you out with that." You added, sounding a little suggestive about a simple favour to a friend, if you could call him such a thing.

"I thought you only did surgeries..?" He said, and you could've swore you heard a slight teasing undertone. Sly bastard...

You didn't bother a reply, you did not want to bicker with the man. Especially at a time where just a look at him paired with the sound of his voice would ignite your entire body on fire.

You sauntered over to him, urging him to take a seat. He did so, and you knew your chair couldn't take his mass of muscles for very long.

"Your shirt." You said from your place behind him. You were sure the both of you knew he didn't really need his shirt off. But ugh, that back of his...

You obviously were not a masseuse, but how hard could it be?

You dipped your fingers into his skin lightly, pushing harder when he didn't say anything to put a stop to you.

After around thirty or so minutes, you could've cooked anything with just the temperature of your skin. You were dying to be under the man in front of you, harsh nail markings sporting his sculpted back.

You leaned in a little closer, pressing your lips against the nape of his neck. He immediately stiffened, not being used to such a loving gesture.

"So? How does it feel now?" You questioned, spinning him around to view you.

You took a seat on his thighs, a much better place to be seated than your chair.

"I hope I made you feel at least a little better. It would hurt my reputation if one of my patients left without being helped, even just a bit." You grinned, hands roaming all over his built chest.

His breath hitched as you began to move your hips against him, feeling his hands attach to you.

"Now?" Killer questioned, not seeming to protest against any of your actions.

"Why not? I've been awaiting a call, but it looks like that idiot forgot about it."

It seems as if that were all the affirmation he needed, because soon after you said that, you were pushed harshly against your own desk, a surprised squeak coming from you.

Your garments were ripped off with haste, a lazy smile spread across your reddened lips.

Within seconds, you were just an utter mess. You always questioned how he always knew what your body had craved from him.

He quickly pushed your soaked panties aside, sliding his fingers against your slick folds. You bit your lip to try to prevent any unwanted noise from leaving you, but just the sheer skill he had was too much for you.

Your cheek was against the desk, your mouth slightly agape. Such a lewd face you had made, and all he had done was a little teasing.

"So wet already. What have we done that was exciting?"

You whimpered in response, pushing your hips back in hopes of feeling his fingers, or rather, something else, fill your insides.

You felt his presence flush against your back, "Or maybe," he pushed his fingers inside agonizingly slow, nearly causing your death, "this had been on your mind the entire day?"

Fuck, this man was a master at reading people.

Your hands were balled into fists, nails creating marks on your soft palm. You didn't want to give in, you didn't want to beg, but your mind was beginning to disagree with your pride.

"No. That's not the case..." You gasped, feeling his thick fingers curling inside of you, "Hmm, I don't like liars. But, I do like watching you squirm."

"All you have to do is tell me the truth, come on. I know you can do it." Sick bastard. Fuck him. Yeah, you didn't need him, you could finish yourself off, if needed.

"I already told you," You took a deep breath, feeling him move behind you with ill intentions, "all that I've done today was wait for a call. Then, I'd seen you... My thoughts had run for a little, that's all."

Yeah right! Like he'd believe such a thing! This seems like a child who took something they shouldn't. It wasn't your fault, you weren't working properly. Your mind had become wired on feeling Killer inside of you, and that's what you had needed.

You heard shuffling behind you, followed by the removal of his digits. You grumbled unhappily, was he really hellbent on you admitting something that didn't matter? You were both adults, and adults were supposed to get mad behind closed doors. Yup.

While you had been lost in thought, you felt his tip press against your dripping entrance. Finally! About time! You almost broke out in song you were so happy.

You won this little dispute.

Actually, no. You didn't.

He pushed himself inside rather slowly, cock snug against your velvety walls. You expected him to start moving, or at least do anything. But nope.

Nothing.

"Seriously..." You mumbled, trying to move back into him, obviously he didn't allow this, hands stopping any of your ministrations.

This is fine. You were going to be okay like this. You weren't going to give up. You wanted to be a pirate, so you couldn't just rip your pride to shreds.

You knew he couldn't last longer than you. He would crack eventually, and you would triumph. In this case, it was seen as the opposite.

"You really can't admit it, can you?"

No! You couldn't! It wasn't the truth... Mhm, just keep telling yourself that.

You knew he obviously didn't care, he just loved to see you have an internal meltdown. He would use anything and everything he could against you. You could practically hear the 'teehee' come from the bastard.

He took a seat on your tiny chair, bringing you with him while the chair squeaked in discomfort. Now sitting upright on him, oh this wasn't good for you. You could feel him deeper inside of you and you craved more. You craved sweet friction of any kind.

You squeezed around him tightly, trying to ease him into forgetting about this little feud.

You heard his breathing become slightly uneven after that, you grinned, you had an ace up your sleeve.

"What kind of monster takes teasing to such a level?" You politely asked, slightly raising your hips. He wasn't able to stop you in time as you sank onto him slowly.

He was so heavy inside of you, you couldn't take it anymore. You wanted him to fuck you until your mind stopped working. You just got a little taste of what you could have, and you wanted more, you wanted it all.

"How about we take a rain check on this. I think we're both a little needy today." You smiled, you're such a genius. This way, you didn't lose. No, you won. You wanted to tell him to suck it, but you had boundaries.

"Fine. But next time, don't expect me to give in so easily." He sighed, getting a better grip on your hips.

You turned around briefly, seating yourself back onto him. You always secretly enjoyed being so close to him, hearing his heartbeat in an irregular way. Maybe it was because you were so close. Your face heated up a bit, no, that couldn't be it. You placed you hands on his chest gently, "You can move now." You braced yourself for a second, at times, the two of you had gotten a bit rough. You didn't mind, as long as the both of you enjoyed it, you were happy.

He lifted you slightly, you felt a little empty for a moment but sighed blissfully when you felt him back inside.

This was an odd pace... Almost like he was taking how you felt in consideration. Usually you fucked like animals, but this? This was more of a lovers pace. Even the way he held you, it was gentle, for such a large man you hadn't thought he could hold you in such a way.

Maybe he was still teasing, going at a slower pace than you were used to. You could wait a little, at least he was moving now. Your head made contact with his chest, a slightly more comfortable pose for you.

How awkward for him! Your soft hands at his chest lovingly, your face against him while he slowly pumped inside of you... This is what lovers would do, not people who just wanted a quick session... He almost imagined you looking up at him with teary eyes, mumbling an 'I love you'.

He too, felt his face warm. It was such an uncomfortable feeling for someone who didn't welcome such emotions.

A small part of you somewhat enjoyed this, being next to him like this. You wished you could feel his lips plush against your own at this very moment. You smiled while in thought.

He looked down at you through the holes in his mask, he didn't expect such a serene look on you..! You had been liked this, hadn't you? Holding him while you had sighed and whimpered with want.

He took no time to pull out of you, flip you the other way, so you were, once again, facing the desk. He shoved himself inside, pounding into you at a more wanted rate.

All of this has happened very fast. Literally blink of an eye. You had no time to adjust whatsoever, from a slow and leisurely pace, to harsh snapping of the hips.

The expression on your face was priceless, but also very vulgar. The illusion of lovers was wiped away instantly, meaningless pleasure filling its slot.

Your muscles had stopped supporting you, your body nearly becoming lifeless. You silently depended on Killer to keep your body from not falling off of the desk. You laughed imagining this actually happening.

Your eyes screwed shut while your lips had only been able to form, 'yes yes yes!'. You knew his ego was through the roof right now, having a girl under him screaming for more.

And you were right, spot on, actually.

Again, Killer didn't always have women offering themselves to him. You however, would happily flock to him anytime he felt like he needed to relieve some stress.

He looked down at you again, seeing your greedy cunt swallow his cock with urgency put him in a trance. Fuck you took him too good. It was literally as if you were the missing piece to his life.

The way your insides clenched around his length every single time he moved a single muscle, paired with your small and delicate moans... He felt like he'd break you in an instant at such a pace. But he knew you could take it, he wanted you to take all of him every time the two of you do this.

Tears came out of your closed eyes due to the intensity your body was undergoing. It felt fucking phenomenal to be stretched and filled and body bent while being pushed into the uncomfortable wood of the desk. God, you nearly unraveled right there.

Your grip on the desk tightened, knuckled turning a burning white. You couldn't go on forever, you knew that. But with the earlier teasing, you were going to be finished soon.

"Oh fuck yes... Right there fuck yes!!" You screamed, the feeling of pleasure skyrocket when he brushed against that sweet bundle of nerves inside.

"Right here, huh..?" He hummed, large hand caressing the curve of your ass. You panted and whispered something even you didn't know in response. You were just broken at this point.

You were certainly not prepared for when he continued to slam into that desired spot over, and over, and- oh fuck you couldn't handle this shit.

Your orgasm hit you fucking hard, you felt lifeless. Completely and utterly dead.

Seeing you moan and whimper desperately beneath him was, simply, hot as fuck to Killer. The way your body silently begged for more with every thrust, you lightly convulsing and squeezing him when you had gotten close, and the sudden outburst when you had finished... It just kept replaying in his head over, and over, and- oh fuck he couldn't handle this shit.

A deep grunt left him and he pushed deep inside of you again, a quiet whimper coming from you since you were so sensitive. His tip giving a final kiss to your insides, and finally sealing his hot release in you.

You mumbled incoherently while you struggled to get up, trying to pull on your panties.

"Woah, no need to waste." He grinned, pushing a finger into your entrance, keeping his cum inside.

You lightly fell onto his lap, not knowing he'd still stimulate your exhausted nerves. You turned your head into his hard chest and nearly cried.

"Don't be an asshole..." You muttered lowly, looking up at him, "Someone might come in and see."

"So? Maybe it's a kink of yours..." He replied, voice slightly hinting a mischievous undertone.

You snickered, rolling your eyes. When he wasn't so scary, he was quite pleasant to be around.

"Maybe... We might explore some of your kinks too." You giggled, feeling him stiffen at your response. Usually after sex the two of you would go separate ways. You would never bask in the afterglow with him, at least not this long. Talking so casually, too.

You were scared at what the two of you shouldn't become. This was a dangerous life, you couldn't get attached.

And finally the fucking phone rang.

It was as you hadn't just had the best sex of your life, finally this idiot had done what you asked. Who the hell knows why it took him so long.

"Yes? Hello?" You answered, getting off of your comfortable seat, which had been Killer, and leant against the desk.

"What a fucking view..." He mumbled to himself. It seemed that you had forgotten to put your garments on, just how important was this call?

You faked a laugh, this fucker said he went to the wrong island. How. How did that happen..? You would be sure to give him hell when he came back.

"It's okay! It's okay, I'm not mad!" Yeah, you're fucking seething. He was lucky you got remarkable sex out of this.

"Yes, please tell me how much they want for it? Also don't forget to try to swindle them for it, okay? I know you're a shy bastard but you can do it!" You said into the phone. He better get your herbs. You need these stupid little fucking plants or else you couldn't make your medicine.

"Holy shit, that's a lot of money... Well can you try-"

Oh he did not just.

While you were on the phone.

Your assistant constantly asked if you were okay, a shaky answer leaving your red lips.

"Hold on a second sweetie." You said calmly into the phone, acting like you didn't once again, have a huge cock deep inside of you.

"While I'm talking to someone? You couldn't fucking wait?" You whispered, bending slightly. This man had no shame, he wanted you to take it all, clearly.

"Let's see how quiet you can be." He retorted, not even acting like he'd done anything wrong. "Fine, just don't move too much. I don't want anyone on the other line figuring out that we're doing something so scandalous... It's quite rude to do so on the phone." You sighed, removing your hand off of the receiver.

You actually held up quite well, rocking side to side a bit while holding a normal conversation with the shop keeper, haggling about a price. You were so proud of yourself!

“No, put the price lower that’s way too... Too, ah..! Oh fuck..!” You yelled, feeling his large thumb rub harsh circles into your clit. Now everyone knew what you were doing, fucking great.

“Aww, and you were doing so well.” He chuckled, watching you shake under him. You didn’t bother saying anything back to him, too far gone in your own pleasure to care.

How embarrassing... You could try to cover this up, but you don’t know if that would end up well...

“Yes, yes I’m fine... Just stubbed my toe...” You laughed nervously, biting your lip not to let any unwanted noises out.

“How sly.” He smiled, hidden admiration in his voice. You gave him a quick middle finger, cursing at him a couple of times.

“Yeah thanks sweetheart. I’m gonna hang up now okay? Yeah, bye bye.” You spoke, not even hearing anything your assistant had said. You were focused on feeling another great climax, and certainly didn’t care about the price of the plant any longer.

“You’re so fucking wet...”

“Yeah, I wonder why.” Cue the eye roll, “I guess I was right? This is one of your kinks, isn’t it?” He grinned, pushing his cock deeper inside of your warm walls.

“You gonna finish inside of me without warning again?” You muttered, exhaling a shaky breath.

“Only if you want it babe.”

Oh. Oh he had called you babe. Names like those? Oh fuck now you were gonna get attached, and... And...

And maybe that’s okay.

“Fill me up.” You moaned, letting out a gasp of his name that you had chanted like a prayer.

You sure as hell didn’t need to tell him twice.

•Bonus•

“Hey,” You looked up at Killer, hugging him under the sheets, “I think I like you.” You sighed, worried for his answer. You had a feeling the worst thing that could happen was a simple no, but hopefully you wouldn’t lose the sex.

He took his warm hands off of you, which you took as a no towards your earlier statement. You felt a tinge of embarrassment, but since you were so tired, you also didn’t care.

He lifted his mask just so his painted lips were shown, he quickly captured your lips in his own and you felt the sparks fly. You initially thought that it was just sexual, but during the day when you had thought of him, goodness, you were oblivious to your own feelings.

“Really now? You’re not just using me for the sex, are you?” He whispered, voice husky and deep in your ear. You reached to scratch his goatee lightly, “Who knows.” You pressed your lips against his once again, sitting upwards and quickly growing hot. Who knew a make out session would be this hot? The mans got mystery, that’s some extra points right there.

“I think I like you too.”

#one piece x reader #one piece smut #one piece killer #one piece #fanfic #smut #killer x reader

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sweetestlamb · 4 years ago

Text

Temptation

Summary: Vincenzo is feeling parched.

Author's note: These two have been living in my mind rent free lately, I'm just shallow and they look so damn good together and when you add the chemistry, well I'm a goner. Just a little drabble based on today's episode, I'm taking a break from BMTL this weekend because it's going to be another 10k probably and it's the first weekend I'm off with my bf so I promised not to ignore him to write all day lol. Update soon though!

Bon appetit!

Wispy dark lashes flutter just above her high cheekbones as she awaits the blow, her pretty face scrunched up in anticipation as a minor twitch in her lip distracts him.

That's been happening far too often lately, more than he'd care to admit. It was easier when she was blindly following Babel and refused to see the insidious truth about the morally bankrupt company, it was easier to pacify his attraction when she was the bad guy. Not that he was the right candidate to judge, he'd done notifiable heinous things in his life. Her father had been the first person to look at him like he was worth something, like the evil that lurked under his skin could be used for something good.

But her eyes had been opened, in the end she had chosen her father. If only he'd been here to see it.

That decision unhinges the small grapple he has on his control, he finds himself looking at her all the time cataloging the many emotions that distort that expressive face. She's like a living caricature and instead of finding that off-putting he's intrigued and mesmerized. Constantly battling with his lips that won't stop rising in her presence, he's not someone who smiles lightly. Has never had much of a reason to.

Until now.

"What are you waiting for? Just do it." She whines impatiently, squirming side to side and pursing her full lips.

That small move captures all his attention, eyes locked on the rosy pink skin. Instinctively he steps forward until he can feel her body heat, her face is even more captivating up close. She was beautiful, that wasn't hard to admit he was a man after all and his eyes were functional. It was.... everything else that he couldn't admit, not even to himself.

Just do it.

If only she knew what those words did to him, he felt as if he was lit in flames by his own lighter; burning up just from his prolonged vicinity to the loud lawyer. She was being her usual brazen self but she had no idea, not the slightest inkling of what exactly he wanted to do to her. It usually ended in passionate screams in his dreams. Her wild abandon was a thing of beauty, he didn't even mind the mess on his silk sheets because his mind supplied such vivid imaginings.

Staring down at her he wonders how she would taste, perhaps like the spicy noodles she was so fond of or maybe something sweeter and forbidden, once you peeled back the many layers you would discover something so delicious it was addicting. She would be his ambrosia.

"Come on, you're killing me! What's taking so long?" She grumbles now pouting, plush bottom lip jutting out enticingly and his finger hovers in front of her forehead but he can't move, can't bring himself to hurt her no matter how insignificant the hit. Somehow this woman has weaved a web around him, he feels like a fly caught in a spider's deadly but beautiful trap.

What's wrong with me?

There must be indeed something wrong with him because he feels his hand unfurling and lowering until he's nearly cupping her jaw, the delicate point barely above his hand. He's so tempted. Taking another step forward he lifts his second hand, curling around the dip of her lower back. She's so petite despite her loud bark, her entire body could fit easily in his hand.

He wants to lower his hand, grab her face and her waist and.... And what? What is he thinking? This is not why he came to Korea. He wasn't supposed to get involved more than he needed to and he knows no good can come of this, there's only one outcome for men who are lured by seductive sirens. He has to ignore her song no matter how much his body aches when he's with her. Woman have never been elusive in his line of work, gorgeous Italian women who opened up for him easily, surrendering under his capable hands. They were nothing but a good time, a perfunctory scratching of an itch. But, Cha-young he wants to wreck her, take her apart piece by piece until she's putty in his hands.

"What are you doing?" She says sounding amused and he lifts his eyes to find her twinkling ones already on his face. She looks at the twin hands hovering above her body with a raised brow, face now turned into the hand adjacent to her cheek.

"Do you want to change the specifics of our deal?" She teases darkly and he gulps, finally lowering his hands but twisting them around his back to prevent himself from making a huge mistake.

"No." He lies, trying to douse the fire that is blazing in his blood.

"Aishhh. You're such a bad liar." She huffs, nose crinkled up in disbelief and he hates the way his heart smarts his lips twitching to form a smile. He feels so warm and he doesn't know what any of it means.

"Come here." She doesn't give him an opportunity to disobey before reaching out to grab his tie, her hands wrapped around the luxurious material and with a sharp tug he's pulled into her, their bodies colliding and everything feels right.

"Stop." He whispers throat feeling raw, his voice comes out rougher than he intended. His eyes widen at the red flush that it yields, he's not the only one affected it seems.

"You don't want to flick me," she states with certainty, eyes searching his face as she tightens her hold on his tie his neck strains under the slight pressure, leaning down to lessen the tension. Too late he releases how much closer that brings their faces, she's barely an inch away from him now her soft puffs of breath landing directly on his face. "What do you want to do to me instead, Mr. Cassano?" She boldly finishes her statement, dark eyes ping ponging between his lips and his eyes.

Mentally berating himself for his weakness he suddenly grabs her waist, his arm circumvents the entire circumference with room to spare. She gasps in surprise but doesn't look scared, rather she looks curious, biting her bottom lip as she earnestly watches him.

"Do you really want to know?" He bites out, bringing his hand to her jaw and then sliding lower curling it around her neck, fingers tickling the soft nape of head.

She smirks, unflinching in the eye of his storm. She stands on the tips of her toes, bringing them that much closer, "Oh you don't know how much I want to know, Vincenzo." His name is exotic on her tongue, the letters not quite settling correctly but it sounds delectable to his ears, he wants to hear her scream it loudly too.

"I'll show you then." He's done with words, it's clear that they're both cognizant of what's happening between them, the air is so charged it's nearly crackling. She isn't backing down and despite his better judgement he doesn't want to lose, he can't be the way to pull away now. Simultaneously they yank each other closer, him by her neck and her by his tie. He sees the passion in her eyes, finally bursting to the surface and that's all the consent he needs, if she wants him too then she can have him.

Twisting his head he surges forward, eager to capture her lips and devour her moans of pleasure, his hand is now curled possessively around the small swell of her tight posterior, her suit pants always putting it beautifully on display. He had been hungry to touch it, grab it and feel the plumpness in his hands. It's every bit as amazing as he's imagined, her lips fall open as he squeezes at the flesh and he leans forward prepared to eat her alive.

She wraps her free arm around his neck, dragging him down to meet her and he easily lifts her off the ground, grinning boyishly when she squeaks releasing his tie to wrap both arms around his neck, their faces are now level. His hand remains on her ass.

Silently they move towards each other, intent crystal clear.

He can feel the heat from her lip, just as he grazes the smooth skin he hears a loud crash from behind them and they both jump, foreheads knocking accidentally as they react to the sudden sound.

He unceremoniously drops her, but her arms still latched around his shoulder force him forward making his forehead now collide with her chin. She lets out a loud scream of pain, shoving him away and shouting obscenities. He rubs at the pained skin, wincing in discomfort before turning towards the loud interruption with a murderous glare.

Who the fuck was it?

Nam Joo-Sung stands quivering in apparent fear looking like he's seconds away from urinating himself, his knees knocking together viciously.

A deer in the headlights, his eyes are as huge and terrified as one.

"I--um well you see.... I forgot to water the plants....you both look angry. Scary. You don't want an explanation. I'm going. Gone. I'll just. Go." He stutters out nonsensical, suddenly grabbing the plants and he watches as the frightened man awkwardly lifts the pots, cursing when the soil falls out dirting his clothes and the wooden floors, then he falls to his knees scooping it back into the pots, crawling backwards until he's out the door.

They both stare at the door.

Awkward silence remaining even with the man's departure.

And then a vibration fills the air, she jumps as if broken from her stupor reaching into her tiny bag and retrieving her phone. He can barely hear her over the beating of his own heart but he catches the disappointed look she sends his way, they can't continue this.

"Yes. I understand, we'll be right there."

Grabbing his briefcase he takes a moment with his back turned to her to catch his breath, collect himself. He's Vincenzo Cassano, not some prepubescent teenager. He can control himself, control is his middle name.

Then he turns back around and loses all his hard worked composure.

She's right in his space, rubbing absently at her neck as she looks at him.

"We'll finish this later. Don't think I'm going to let you off easy, I always finish what I start." She promises, pointedly looking his lips before grinning then boldly she lightly smacks him twice on his cheeks, "Pick your jaw off the ground, we have to go."

Her long hair bounces over her shoulder as she skips away, his eyes locked on the hypnotic sway of her hips. Her hands are cutely by her side, her signature walk that he had found ridiculous before. He doesn't view it the same way now.

Next time, there will be no interruptions he will make sure of it. Even if he has to kill someone.

#vincenzo #vincenzo cassano #hong cha young #I live for their tension #that flick scene undid me #when they kiss I might lose my shit #they'll hear me scream in Korea #and Italy #I love teasing #Chazenzo #that's what I've been calling them #joo sung is their deer #🥴🥴

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siren-dragon · 4 years ago

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Cultural Studies -- The Cat Returns fanfic

Hello again, guess who wrote another one-shot! Anyway, this prompt came to me (along with several others, lol) so I decided to write something for it. Also, big thanks to everyone who enjoyed my first story. Also, Haru’s outfit is based on the yukata from the Love Nikki game and I may draw something for this story at a later date. Anyway, please enjoy!

AO3 story link Tagging: @mysticsoulgirl

Prompt: Summer Fireworks Festival

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Though the Sanctuary, and by extension the Cat Bureau itself, experienced many a visitor wishing for assistance with one thing or another- it wasn’t exactly a stationary place. True, anyone could follow Muta from the Crossroads and through the twists and turns of Japan’s alleys to locate the entryway arch, but that wasn’t truly the Bureau’s physical location. Anyone who was in need could find the Sanctuary entrance, all they had to do was merely look for it. So, while Baron was not unaccustomed to a variety of clients (even if the quantity seemed to have diminish over the years), it was always a study in new cultures when a guest appeared. Even when the cat figurine made a point to be open and courteous to a visitor, there were often a few things he gained new knowledge of.

“A fireworks festival? I’m afraid I’ve not heard of such a thing before.” He spoke, handing Haru a now size-appropriate cup thanks to the Bureau’s magic.

The dark brunette offered a small word of thanks and a bright smile before continuing. “Really? Oh, they’re great fun. Originally it was started as a festival for the dead; to mourn the lost one while celebrating life. But nowadays it’s just a fun activity to watch while eating festival food with friends.”

“Did I hear someone mention food?” Muta spoke, closing the front door behind him. “Hey Chicky, you bring any snacks with you today?”

From the upstairs balcony came a snort of displeasure. “You ever think of anything aside from your stomach,” Toto drawled, rolling his eyes at the cat’s one-track mind.

“What was that birdbrain?!”

“Oh, come on, think of a new insult piggy-cat!”

Before the fight could escalate anymore Haru, now a more convenient size for Baron’s home, rose from her seat on the sofa and lifted a bag where the scent of sugar and fresh fruit wafted throughout the room. “If you two are going to fight, then Baron and I will eat this by ourselves- including the mulberries I got special for you Toto.”

Both cat and crow immediately silenced themselves before tossing a glare at the other, “You got lucky, big chicken.”

“Sure thing, marshmallow.”

Baron sighed, taking out the necessary cutlery before Muta decided to forego the use of utensils. “Muta, have you experienced such festivals in the Human Realm?”

“What festivals?”

“The fireworks festival coming up this weekend,” Haru clarified as she handed Toto the collection of mulberries she brought.

It was here that the ex-con feline grinned, “oh yeah. Gotta love summer festivals in Japan with all their fried food and sweets. Best time to be a cat.”

Toto snickered, “why am I not surprised; you only think from your stomach.”

“Shut up!”

“There’s also games where you can win prizes and some shops as well. And at the end there is large fireworks show everyone watches to celebrate the summer season.” It was here that Haru’s excited smile seemed to dim slightly, “I was going to go with Hiromi, but she has a family reunion to attend. And my Mom will be out of town during that weekend- so I’ll just be watching it from my house.”

As a figurine being made out of wood, anything associated with fire was typically something Baron tried to actively avoid. And while he would deny it fervently later onto a rather smug looking Muta and Toto, the slightly disheartened expression on Haru’s face sent a rather unpleasant sensation through his chest sent nearly all thoughts of self-preservation out the window. It reminded him of their previous adventure in the Cat Kingdom; with her clad in a fine, pale-yellow gown and wearing a look of absolute despair despite it having been her so called “wedding day”. And so, it was not 2 seconds later that he found the words tumbling from his lips without any kind of second thought.

“Perhaps we can accompany you to this festival instead, Haru.”

That certainly caused the brunette to stare at him in surprise, yet a spark of joy danced within her caramel eyes. “Really? You guys would want to go with me?”

“Hey, if there’s food then you can count me in.” Muta shrugged, finishing his slice of chiffon cake.

Toto nodded, “I’m sure it’d be a great experience; what with the lack of clients to the Bureau.”

Haru beamed brightly with sheer delight, “Thank you everyone, I’m sure you all will love it!”

When Haru had finally left for the day, a definite spring in her step, Muta couldn’t help but turn a sly grin to his fellow feline. “Well, that was rather generous of you to volunteer us for something you didn’t even know about till 30 minutes ago.”

“I’m not sure what you are inquiring Muta. It was quite clear that Miss Haru was looking forward to this festival and it would be unbecoming of a gentleman to allow her to merely remain home alone and miss the event entirely.”

Toto nodded, “I have to say, I agree with Baron on this one. But I don’t think it was that difficult to persuade you after that melancholic expression crossed her face.”

Baron gave a displeased frown to his colleague’s rambunctious laughter, which did nothing to hide the slight tint of pink beneath his cream-colored fur. Honestly, since when was chivalrous behavior become a source of mockery? And yet… the sight of Haru’s joyful smile was more than worth it.

“So, are you going to wear a yukata?”

“A what?”

That answer only made the hefty white cat laugh louder.

======================================================

“Muta… are you quite sure that this garment is placed on correctly.”

“If the picture is anything to go by, then yeah. Besides; you can’t wear a suit with tails to a summer festival- you’ll stick out too much.” The large cat answered, glancing down at the newspaper advertisement in his hands before looking back to his much shorter friend. “Hmm, I think that’s right.”

“You idiot, tie for the sash is supposed to be in the back.” Toto commented, taking the advertisement with his beak to compare the image to Baron’s new attire. “See, there isn’t a giant bow in the front.”

“Okay first, it’s called an obi and second, stop butting in birdbrain!”

“I wouldn’t have to if you knew what you were doing, fluff-ball!”

Baron was going to attempt to silence their bickering before the sash about his waist loosened slightly causing the robe to flutter open and expose part of his chest and collarbone before the ginger feline took hold of the garment’s sides and quickly held them closed. He briefly wondered if it would perhaps be better to merely wear his typical suit before a knock sounded on the door- halting Muta and Toto’s argument. The crow quickly flew toward the door and swiftly opened the door to reveal Haru. She too was clad in a traditional yukata of navy blue with ivory and cream-colored stars swirling around a crescent moon at the hem of the dress before continuing upward. The sash wrapped around her waist took on a pale blue color while the right sleeve of her dress shifted colors; with the stars now dark and the fabric white shade. Though her hair was cut short, it was still pinned back by a blue, yellow, and orange silk flower with the latter two colors matching the shade of his own fur. To be perfectly honest, she looked quite breath-taking.

“Baron are you wearing a yukata?” She grinned, noticing his change of attire immediately which only made the statuette cling to the folds of the loosened robe all the more tightly. “I didn’t even know you had one!”

“Well, Muta saw fit to inform me this is the traditional attire for a summer festival so it is a recent addition to my wardrobe. However, I seem to be having a bit of trouble actually dressing.” He answered, unable to prevent the sigh from leaving his lips at his current dishevelment.

Haru giggled, placing her small bag on the sofa before approaching him. “Don’t worry, it’s always challenging for a first-timer. Here, you just need a little bit of adjusting…”

Despite his attempt to remain calm at the innocent offer, Baron couldn’t help the heat rushing to his face as Haru approached and began shifting the obi about his waist he had attempted to tie on earlier. He still kept his hand clenched about the folds of the yukata as Haru expertly straightened the robe, to which he gave her a very grateful smile. Soon he was now properly clothed, even wearing the haori properly before Haru stepped back to admire her handy work (though Baron felt a slight twinge of disappointment at her shift away from him). “There we go, a perfect fit.”

“Thank you, Haru. And may I say, you look lovely as well.”

She beamed at his reply as she moved to retrieve her bag. “Thanks Baron. But if you wanted to wear a yukata, I could have helped you find one.”

Muta shook his head, “that would have ruined the surprise Chicky. Plus, nothing was more amusing than watching Baron try to put it on.”

“As always, your assistance is greatly appreciated Muta.” Baron replied dryly, remembering the past hour where both his friends tried to guide him in how to wear the clothes.

As they walked through the archway of the Sanctuary, Muta walked ahead of them now on all fours while Toto took to the skies. However, as soon as Baron exited alongside Haru, he grew till he was once more a head taller than the dark-haired young woman instead of a foot-tall figurine. But the fact that his feline appearance remained gave Haru pause- knowing most would not really take the appearance of a half-cat man kindly (even if people believed it to be a ridiculously realistic mask). But it seemed her thoughts were rather evident on her face, because Baron was quick to assuage her fears. “Do not worry Haru, there is a spell in place masking my real appearance. You are the only one who can see the truth.”

“I didn’t know you can use such spells, Baron.” She asked curiously.

He nodded, offering his arm to her which she gladly accepted. “Yes, though I am afraid they are only temporary. But I thought this would make our evening engagement far more enjoyable without any disturbances from bewildered onlookers.”

“It’s no trouble at all, actually I think it’s a good idea. It does make me curious as to how your disguise looks.”

Baron paused and gestured to the glass window of a shop they were walking past, “see for yourself.”

Turning to the window, Haru looked at Baron’s reflection nearly jumped in alarm upon not seeing the familiar feline characteristics she had come to cherish. Instead, the face of a young man who looked a few years older than herself gazed back at her from the reflection. His hair was a light tawny blonde the same shade as Baron’s fur, perfectly coiffed to suit the Creation’s usual debonair attire. Where once fur and whiskers existed was now fair skin and a rather amused smile taking in her slightly bewildered expression. Yet despite the disguise, Haru took comfort in the fact that Baron’s eyes were still the same shade of mint-green.

“That is rather impressive, if a bit shocking at first.” She laughed a little nervously.

Baron frowned, “does it bother you too much?”

“No, it’s not that,” she answered with a shake of her head before beaming up at him. “I just prefer you the way you are, that’s all.”

It was the second time in the past few days that Baron found his words failing him once again at her kind, yet honest words.

======================================================

Perhaps the first thing that caught Baron’s attention were the vibrant banners illuminated by dozens of lights and lanterns. The street was lined with colorful booths, each hosting a different attraction as friends and families traveled back and forth to every single one. It was a rather jarring change from the peace and quiet of the Cat Bureau, but as he glanced down at the excited grin on Haru’s face as she enthusiastically explained each booth’s function, Baron couldn’t help the pleased smile drifting across his face. “So then, what would you recommend we do first?”

“Food, I’m starving!” Muta cried from about their legs before he bolted down the street, causing several people to laugh at the rather large cat obviously following the scent of frying food. “Takoyaki, here I come!”

Haru laughed, “well, food always is a good choice. Though we’d best pace ourselves, festival food is great, but not exactly healthy.”

“Then I shall follow your lead, Haru.” Baron added, glancing around briefly with a bit of confusion drifting across his face, “I must admit, I thought a fireworks festival would have more of that particular attraction.”

“That happens at the end of the night, mainly because it’ll be darker and it’ll give us a chance to see most of the booths before we have to find seats to watch the fireworks. But we’d best find Muta before he manages to pilfer too many snacks.”

Baron chuckled, “I think it’s more of his charming attitude that wins him such favors.”

Haru couldn’t help but laugh at that, and judging from the faint cawing above their heads, Toto heard it as well. “Well, we’d best hurry before that charm gets a bit carried away.”

The couple soon found their way further into the festival and managed to find Muta, who looked rather smug at having charmed a piece of taiyaki from a group of teenage girls. True to her word, Haru managed to procure a few treats for them all to try, ranging from takoyaki to kakigori to some onigiri before they walked to where Toto waited upon a nearby but isolated tree. Muta had nearly claimed all of the takoyaki while Toto took a liking to the plain onigiri and the roasted chestnuts Baron was eating. Though Baron was not overly found of the deep-fried food, he couldn’t deny that the kakigori Haru offered was quite delicious.

As the sun soon sank below the horizon and the sky turned dark with the coming night, many people started moving away from the bright lights of the festival stalls to await the oncoming fireworks display. “We don’t really want to be too close to all the larger crowds, so we’ll stay on the outskirts instead.” Haru informed them, taking a seat beside the grass. “And I wanted to thank you guys again, for coming with me.”

“Nonsense Haru, this was most enjoyable and we were happy to accompany you.”

“Even though you had to forgo your suit?” She replied with a teasing grin.

Baron gave a slightly sheepish look, “I will admit that dressing did pose quite the challenge, but well worth the effort.”

“Even still, thank you for being such a good sport about it. And I’m glad you had a good time.” Haru chimed happily, turning to look at the ever-growing groups awaiting the final event of the festival. “Hopefully we’ll be able to see everything with so many people…”

“Well, we merely need a seat with a view; and I believe I may have a solution.”

“What do you mean by that?”

The ginger gentle-cat only offered her a hand with a secret smile, “Just trust me.”

At the familiar words, Haru rested her hand upon his and watched as the world around them seemed to stretch upward as her height plummeted to its usual size whenever she visited the Bureau. Toto then landed beside them, offering a place upon his back with Baron holding on tightly the Stone Creations black feathers and Haru wrapping her arms about his waist. Once they were situated on the now gigantic crow, Toto rose high into the air (though not before snatching Muta in his claws much to the large cat’s displeasure while muttering something that sounded like “always a showoff.”) before gliding through the evening sky.

They were only flying for a few minutes before a high-pitched whistle sounded only to be followed by a large explosion of white and gold lights as the fireworks show began. Haru watched in silent amazement as they soared the atmosphere as each of the colorful illuminations danced around them like falling stars. She a joyful laugh at sheer sight of the fireworks show from a literal bird’s eye perspective, “alright, now this is a view.”

“I must agree,” Baron added, though it was hard to hear over the sound of the fireworks.

Moving her head forward, Haru placed a gentle kiss upon Baron’s fur-covered cheek before leaning to rest her cheek against his back. “Just for the record, this is the best fireworks festival I’ve ever been to.”

And for the third time in Haru’s presence, Baron found himself at a loss for words as a pleasing warmth started to overcome his face. Yet as he turned to watch the brilliant lights display with the young woman beside him, he had to admit that it certainly was an enjoyable evening.

#the cat returns #neko no ongaeshi #baron humbert von gikkingen #haru yoshioka #renaldo moon #muta #toto (cat returns)#haru x baron #fanfiction #summer festival #fireworks #flustered baron gives me life #fluffy fic #one shot #my writing

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whatifxwereyou · 4 years ago

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The Oncoming Storm Part 10: Distance

Liu Kang x Reader and Kung Lao x Reader (gonna do both, two paths!)

Man, the vibe between these two fine men is so different. I'm so into it! ALSO have some exciting stuff coming. Gonna try to update both days this weekend, and then setup some... very spicy/fun/dangerous romance stuff? Might add in some "choose your own adventure" style choices before we get to that big choice Lol. ENJOY! Much love.

Part 9 Part 11 Chapter Index

You rested on your side with your head in Kung Lao’s lap, a decision that you’d had no part in making. He held your hand while the monks tended to the wound on your side. You’d pulled more of your stitches than you’d noticed when you and Liu Kang had stopped to examine your wound. You could hear him saying he told you so in your head. You owed him an apology, you supposed. Kung Lao’s thumb brushed over the back of your hand and you were momentarily distracted from the rest of night.

Your exceptionally long awful horrible and terribly confusing but also kind of wonderful night. What a whirlwind.

The way that the monks fretted over you was embarrassing. It had done nothing to ease Kung Lao’s obvious guilt. You were fine! They’d been practicing and it had been an accident. Besides that, you’d had fun with him. You hadn’t wanted him to go easy on you and he hadn’t. You were grateful. Would he ever trust himself in a fight against you again?

After a lengthy discussion out of earshot the monks decided to cauterize the wound to prevent further bleeding since you didn’t seem to be clotting properly on your own. You’d agreed when it had been presented as the only option just to feel like you’d had some say in it. Liu Kang had done the same for your arm the other day and you wished he were there to do it this time too. You’d been spoiled by his magic in comparison.

They’d hooked you up to an IV of fluids to help you recover from the blood loss and set upon the task. It was a painful and miserable process that crippled you from the onset. Kung Lao stroked your hair soothingly and urged you to squeeze his hand. You weren’t sure if he was helping or not, but it was sweet of him to try.

Once the agonizing process ended, the monks suggested you stay for a while so they could keep an eye on you. While they cared for you on and off, Kung Lao talked. He was good at that. He comforted you with distraction and told terrible jokes to try and make you laugh. Eventually silence had fallen, and he had taken to running his fingers through your hair with his eyes closed.

From the way the monks spoke, morning was fast approaching. You hadn’t felt so exhausted and afraid to sleep in years. If everything hadn’t been such a mess, then you would have been impressed. As time passed the pain faded to a near memory. It was only then that you realized that you hadn’t spoken a single word since you’d agreed to have your wound cauterized.

“You don’t have to stay.” If Kung Lao needed you to absolve him of guilt, then you would gladly do so.

“I’m staying.”

“It’s been a long night, Kung Lao. You need rest too.”

“I’m not leaving until you can.”

“You don’t owe me this, Kung Lao. This isn’t your fault.” You turned so that you were rested on your back and Kung Lao helped you settle against his legs. Of all the places you thought you’d end up, head rested in Kung Lao’s lap was not one of them. Boy, you could use a drink.

“Then whose fault is it, exactly? Yours?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“I know that it’s not my fault, Y/N.”

“Could you tell that to your face?” You reached to poke the underside of his chin. He smiled, as if relieved to see you joking with him again.

“I’m staying. And I’ll make sure you get back to your room.” He poked you right in the chest.

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“What’s ridiculous is that I am being perfectly charming and on my best behavior and you’re arguing with me all while using me as a pillow without so much as a thank you. You can’t just use me, Y/N.” He said it in that boyish way, as though he was teasing you for having a crush on him. You definitely had had a crush on him when you were a kid. You didn’t know what you felt about anything anymore.

You laughed and swatted at his hand that rested on your shoulder. It hurt to laugh. “I could be here for a long time. You’re better off not waiting for me. Presumably, you have things to do today and probably got an hour of sleep at most.”

“Well, you’re lucky that I’m curious to see how long it takes before my legs go numb beneath your dainty little head.” He patted your shoulder and so you reached to pat his hand. Just as when you’d been kids there was no arguing with him. He would do what he wanted to do and there was no stopping him no matter how idiotic it was.

“Well, if I fall asleep and drool on you then that’s your fault.”

“I’ve come to terms with this disgusting sounding fate, Y/N. You’ll just owe me.”

“I will not be in your debt, Kung Lao.”

“You already are. I saved you from that fire, remember?”

“Oh? I didn’t realize you were keeping tabs!” You closed your eyes.

“I never forget, Y/N.” He whispered, picking up your hand and tracing lines along your palm with his index finger. He then regaled you with a tale of a time where he’d run an errand for Raiden and had dislocated his shoulder, tried to pop it back into place and had done a piss poor job of it. You cringed the whole time, but he had been delighted in disgusting you without you being able to escape. His voice droned on and you almost fell asleep.

Thankfully, a monk came over to you and asked you to sit up. Kung Lao, without being asked, helped you upright. It was remarkable how comfortable he was with touching you. Chen, the monk, was one of the few who you had formed a bond with during your stay in the infirmary. She’d taken to teasing you about your close friendship with Liu Kang and from the look in your eyes, you were certain this moment was only going to make that teasing far worse. You could see it in Chen’s dark eyes. It was coming.

Chen tested your reflexes, took your pulse, and checked on your wound before removing the IV and wrapping the wound tightly. “Alright, Y/N. Everything looks okay. No more bleeding and you’ve finally got some color back. Promise me that you’ll rest. And that you’ll stop bleeding all over our temple?”

“Listen, I didn’t try to bleed on anything!” You assured your friend who looked at you as if to say that was a lie and that if she saw you in the infirmary for a new wound by the end of the day then you wouldn’t hear the end of it. You avoided eye contact. “I’ll rest. I promise.”

Getting to your feet, Kung Lao joined you and offered you an arm to steady you. You swatted it, blushed, and then walked on your own out of the infirmary. Kung Lao’s eyes were on you as you went and then he followed behind you.

“Hey, you’ve got enough color back to blush again. That’s a good sign.” He leaned close enough to your cheek for you to feel his breath and you swatted at him again. For someone you hadn’t seen for years he certainly was comfortable being in your personal space.

“I’m not blushing. And I was fine, even before.”

“Is it so hard to admit that I make you blush a little?” He teased. “And you were definitely not fine. No one’s going to believe you when you say that if you keep lying.”

“I wasn’t lying!”

“It’s okay to be honest about your feelings, Y/N. All of them. Really.” He stopped in front of you, and you stumbled to a stop before him, having to place a hand against his chest to steady yourself. You took a step back and he tilted his head confidently, giving you that smirk that could melt pretty much any heart, you were sure.

“Kung Lao, really?” You rolled your eyes at him, but your heart was definitely fluttering in your chest, betraying you. “Look, I’m going back to my room now. You can go do… whatever it is you do around here, Lao.”

“Right now, I happen to be walking you back to your room.” He shrugged. “Are you feeling weak, Y/N? Do you need me to carry you?” If he hadn’t said it in such a teasing and taunting sort of way, then you probably would have considered it. Your face was hot with embarrassment. He grinned in delight, proud to have thrown you off.

“I think you’re overtired, Kung Lao. You’re clearly not thinking straight.” If he was going to tease you, then you would tease him right back. It was only fair, after all. You stepped a bit closer to him and he cocked a curious eyebrow. You tilted your head back as you drew closer and made to touch his chest but then pulled your hand back at the last second. He was very still. “I can walk just fine.”

You then stepped around him and continued down the hall. He turned to watch you walk away, and your face burned but you talked yourself down quickly. Then he hurried his pace to catch up with you and joined you in your walk. It was quiet after that for the most part, as if you both had plenty to think about. You were tired. Drop dead tired. Even so, you felt far more stable on your feet than you had the rest of that night. The quiet gave you time to think, which you weren’t sure you liked or not. You had way too much to think about.

When you made it to your room, you pushed open the door and thought your bed had never looked more inviting. It wasn’t even a particularly comfortable bed, but you were still looking forward to flopping into it. You turned to find that Kung Lao remained in your doorway, resting against the frame with his arms folded over his chest, admiring you with a smile. He did that a lot- openly admired you. You were going to have to find a way to cope with all this damn blushing.

“You’re up for me staying a bit, right?”

“I’m exhausted.”

“Just a little bit.” Kung Lao walked past you anyway, and you sighed and closed the door behind him. It wasn’t that you didn’t want him there it was just that you also really wanted to sleep. Sunlight was peaking over the mountains on the other side of the ravine. Kung Lao dragged the chair from your desk and sat backwards on it. You sat on your bed and held your hand over the gauze on your side. It had a solid heartbeat beneath your fingertips. Kung Lao fiddled with things on your desk, picking up the journal that you and Liu Kang had been working in.

He flipped through the pages and you thought he looked a little sad, but as quickly as you had thought it, it was gone, and he looked bored. He closed the journal and then waved it toward you. “I thought that Liu Kang was just trying to flirt with you when he said study because that’s what I would have done. But you guys really study, huh? Your handwriting is awful by the way, especially for someone with ink arcana.”

“You’re less funny than you think you are. But yes, we actually study.” You were never sure what to do with the offhand flirtatious comments but teasing him in return seemed like the way the go. “You probably don’t remember this since we weren’t in the same class and I was kicked out of school before we got close but… I’m passionate about learning new things. Liu is an excellent and curious teacher. It’s been really nice.” You smiled in memory. It felt like it had been ages since they’d studied, and you missed it. “We’ve grown pretty close since you’ve been gone. I’m grateful to him.”

“Yeah, I noticed.” He didn’t even try to hide how he rolled his eyes and you scoffed in disbelief and scooted to the edge of the bed. “Liu Kang is a good friend to have. And so are you when you’re not being defensive.” He stood up and dragged the chair closer to the bed then sat back down. He kicked off his shoes and then placed his feet on the bed. You stared at them disapprovingly and he purposely moved them, so his legs were rested just next to yours, barely not touching you. “It was a lie, you know.”

“Huh? What was? Something Liu said or…?”

“No, definitely not. Liu is an atrocious liar. Me on the other hand? Practiced liar. So yeah, it was me. I lied to you.” He shrugged and then rested his folded arms behind his head. He was avoiding your eyes, something he seemed to do when he felt guilty. When he noticed you looking, he tilted his head, so the hat obstructed your view of his eyes. That was still extremely attractive. “When you first woke up after the fire, I told you that I would visit town because I had become fond of your dojo and your store. That it was a beacon of peace.”

“And that’s a lie? Why would you like about something so trivial?”

“You don’t need to know the reasons.” He shrugged and tilted his gaze back to you. His smile was confident, but his eyes commanded all your attention. They went from playful to serious so quickly it was giving you whiplash. You suddenly felt as if your tongue was blocking your throat and your brain went blank. All that was left to focus on was Kung Lao. “I came to see you.” He pulled his legs back from the bed and leaned closer in his chair, studying your response. It seemed like a harmless lie so why was he telling you this now? “I didn’t know that you were my Y/N but I was still drawn to you. Watching you was what brought me peace when often I struggled finding any.”

“Kung Lao…” This felt like a confession, but what the confession was he hadn’t said. They had a thousand things to talk about and this was where he started? Not the visions? Not the ink? No, his inner turmoil and the peace that you had brought him without knowing.

“If I had known that you were my Y/N then I would have been far more forward with you than I was.” He pulled off his hat and set it next to you on the bed, then rested his hands on either side of the bed next to you. You couldn’t remember him ever flirting with you back then, but you had seen many faces and most of his visits were a blur. You remembered him as harmless and thoughtful. Those were fond memories. You smiled and averted your eyes. “No? Too much?” He smiled that confident smile even against your silence.

“I’m thinking.” You laughed.

“Guy puts it out there and you just stare…”

“I don’t know what you expect me to say, Kung Lao.”

“Anything would do.”

“You’re very sweet.”

“Ouch.”

“No! No, don’t be like that, Kung Lao.” You laughed and without realizing you’d unconsciously moved closer to him. “Really, I didn’t even consider who you could be back then. You were a strange fellow from out of town who enjoyed sitting in the peace of my dad’s place. Honestly, that feels like a different life now.”

“So, where’s the but?”

“There is none.” You furrowed your brow and his thumb overlapped yours on the bed. “This is a lot, isn’t it?”

“It is.” He considered, but he was studying you, and it made you incredibly uncomfortable. This way his eyes looked you over from head to toe, not to objectify you entirely, but rather to try and gauge what you were really thinking and what happened beyond what you told him. While your eyes apparently spoke in novels to Liu Kang, Kung Lao read your body language like a book you had forbidden him to read. Never in a million years did you think that you’d be in a dilemma where your heart was torn between two men. You’d been in relationships before but most of them had been with men from out of town who you rarely saw and had been short lived. Most of the people living in your hometown that were your age were still afraid of you.

“I don’t know what to say.” You finally decided.

“Because of Liu?”

“Well, I don’t quite understand what you’re trying to say. You say a lot without saying much at all, Kung Lao. I will admit that I think of Liu Kang very fondly. Yet, it is a very strange and emotional thing to see you again after thinking that you were dead- something I would like to talk about eventually, by the way.”

“That’s less important than this right now.” He tapped the bed and spoke very quietly, and you watched his lips form every word.

“I feel selfish, Kung Lao.”

“We are allowed to be selfish at times. You were like that as a kid too. Have some fun with me, Y/N.”

“Wow.” You laughed and as he went to say something else, you pulled your hand back from where his thumb had hooked over yours. His eyes were like big puppy dog eyes. He gave you the shivers and it took everything inside of you not to shake with them.

“Come on. You like me.” He teased.

“Kung Lao, now is not…”

“If this is because of Liu Kang? Trust me, I can change your mind.”

“No, I… excuse me?”

“You were going to say something. Continue.” He leaned just enough back to let you breathe. You were so confused. What did he even mean? You had to think about it. You had to think about a lot of things. He and Liu Kang were family. You didn’t want them to fight because of you. You would sooner turn away from them both. Then there was the nagging truth of everything else.

“I’m afraid.” You confessed and as the words came out, you felt a sudden great weight on your shoulders. “For the first time in so long, I’m afraid. Since back then, Kung Lao.”

“I know you saw things then.” He moistened his lips with his tongue and his lips remained parted for just one second before he sighed and seemed to reconsider. “I asked you if you were a witch once and you got all annoyed at me.”

“In my defense, the other kids called me that and threw shit at me, Kung Lao. I was afraid that I was a witch. That I’d never be normal. Then you died and I grew out of it. Now here you are and here I am and all the things I lost as a kid are back. And I attacked Liu Kang without knowing. I don’t know what to think and then you being so forward and Liu being like he is… I’m overwhelmed. I keep thinking that maybe this is what I’m meant for.”

Kung Lao’s whole demeanor changed from flirtatious to serious and you were grateful for him listening. You hadn’t meant to say all that you’d said. It’d just come out. “No, Y/N. You’re a fighter. I know you are. I always knew that you were even back then. And I knew what was happening to you as a kid, too. Or I guessed it at least. I always thought that it made you even more special. Normal is overrated.” Kung Lao placed a hand to your lips to stop you from talking but quickly pulled it back. “Liu’s tough. I’m sure he was fine. And so am I. We can handle whatever you throw at us, knowing or not. I’m sure he’s up to the challenge.”

“Lao…”

“I will help you fight. I won’t watch you waste away here speaking in nothing but the future.” He placed his hands on either side of you again. “And I’m sorry about your side. I know it was an accident but I’m still sorry for the trouble it caused you.”

“I’m not. I wanted to fight. I didn’t want you to go easy on me. I had fun. I had so much fun, and it was nice not to be treated like something frail.”

“It was fun, wasn’t it?” He picked up your hand and brought the back of it to his lips where he made very purposeful eye contact with you and placed a soft kiss upon it. Words were lost to you again. He pulled your hand back from his lips but didn’t let go of it. “Do you remember when we were kids and would pretend that we were like those martial artists in the movies your grandma had? I may have been reliving those days a little when we fought. Except we both knew what we were doing and could have given those actors a run for their money.” His attention was paid mostly to your hand and his thumb brushed over the back of it. “You’re still so pale. Even after everything. You weren’t before we fought.”

“Maybe I always will be now.” You finally managed to say something, but it wasn’t any of the things you wanted to say either. That crush you’d had on him as a kid was rearing its ugly head again. It had been the silliest crush. You’d both been so young and understood so little of the truth of life but there it was. You’d credited that memory of him to ruining every relationship you’d ever had. No one could ever be Kung Lao. But there he was. Alive and the memory of his lips against the back of your hand at the forefront of your thoughts.

“Don’t resign to a fate of serving others, Y/N. You’re made for more than that.”

“I’m not resigning to anything but I’m not a fool.”

“Just don’t give up.”

“I’m not. I didn’t mean to sound like I was. Honestly, that all came out of me without meaning to.”

“Like you said: this is overwhelming.” Kung Lao released your hand and with that seemed to release the hold he had over you too. “I should let you rest, Y/N. For now.”

“How very thoughtful of you.” You managed to joke at last and scooted back onto the bed. Kung Lao stood, replaced your chair, and then offered you a short bow.

“Get some rest because the next time I see you, I’m not holding anything back.”

“You’re so much trouble, Kung Lao.”

“You’re welcome.” He left without another word, closing your door behind him. You sunk back into the bed and pulled the blankets over your head with a whine. You were never going to sleep again at this rate. Liu Kang and the wild fiery tension he brought with him and Kung Lao with his nostalgia, teasing you and dripping in romance. You supposed that of all the problems you had, those two were at least fun problems to have even if you swore that they were going to send you into cardiac arrest. You drifted to sleep, more mixed up than you had ever been.

#kung lao #kung lao x reader #liu kang #liu kang x reader #mortal kombat movie #mortal kombat 2021 #kung lao/reader #liu kang/reader #angst #romance #love triangle #danger #fanfic #fanfiction #mk fanfiction #ludi lin #max huang #mk kung lao #mk liu kang

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makeste · 5 years ago

Text

BnHA Chapter 285: You Looked Like You Needed Saving

Previously on BnHA: Deku was all, “hey guys I’m just gonna fight Tomura one on one and risk my own life rather than risk letting him do the whole Destroying Everything bit again.” Kacchan was all “WAIT NO ARE YOU SERIOUS THAT’S THE EXACT THING I HATE THE MOST” and indignantly launched into his “P.S. I CARE ABOUT DEKU” flashback, which was a revelation in that it proved exactly what Bakugou fans have been saying this whole time, AND YET OUR MINDS WERE STILL BLOWN ANYWAY, BECAUSE HOLY SHIT, HE REALLY WENT AND SAID IT OUT LOUD THOUGH. Anyway, so Deku’s strategy for defeating Tomura is to, you guessed it, break his fucking arms again; and meanwhile a frantic Katsuki is gearing up on the sidelines to do something really awesome and incredibly stupid, probably; and all in all it’s a pretty terrible situation our boys have found themselves in. Terrible for them, but GREAT for me, and I’ve never been so hyped in my life omg.

Today on BnHA: Deku breaks both of his arms like a dozen times over. Like, just pages and pages of arm breaking. Just like in the good old days! Meanwhile Kacchan is all “jesus christ, okay you know what would be a better idea, JUST SETTING HIM ON FIRE AGAIN”, and so he grabs Shouto and Endeavor, and they do a whole Prominence Burn combo thing. The AFO-inside-of-Tomura is all “‘sup it’s me again, but seriously now would be a REALLY good time to let me take over your body”, and so Tomura TOTALLY DOES LET HIM TAKE OVER, WHOOP, and so AFO is all “HELLS YEAH.” And then he STRAIGHT UP STABS MY SON, WHOSE BODY WAS SIMPLY MOVING ON ITS OWN, YOU KNOW, JUST HERO THINGS. Anyway so now Kacchan is fucking dead*, and so if I were AFO I would start putting as much distance as possible between myself and Deku right the fuck now, because boy, IF YOU THOUGHT HE WAS MAD BEFORE? Holy shit. We’re about to see a whole new level aren’t we.

LOL WE’RE OFF TO A GRAND OLD START

Deku’s arms should sue for legal emancipation. I think most of us can agree that they’re probably better off without him. sure they’ll have to buy their own food and stuff, but I think the trade-off is more than fair

oh wow that 100% shit really is something though

too bad it did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!! spoiler alert. I don’t even have to scroll to the next page, Deku. we already know

OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS

did Deku really pull off some “three hits in one” bullshit, or is this a mistranslation referring to the fact that Deku’s already hit him twice with his left arm, and so this is now the third 100% hit. kinda hoping for the latter, ngl. either way though, I’m really getting a “Deku’s arms are legitimately done for” vibe from this

ESPECIALLY SINCE:

DEKU YOU SHRUB!!! WAS IT WORTH IT YOU EGG FDKF KKDJ YOU DON’T GET BONUS POINTS FOR BREAKING THEM TWICE

goddammit I’m pretty sure he just Detroit Smashed the last remaining hero brain cell. now they have diddly squat to work with, oh this is bad

...

do you guys remember a few weeks back when I was joking about him breaking the rest of his bones and using Blackwhip to move his shattered body around like a grotesque marionette. do you specifically remember the part where that was a joke

holy shit Deku. it’s like we’re all the way back to square one with you. wasn’t that like the first thing Aizawa taught you, not to break your whole body apart? how are you supposed to fight Tomura if you can’t move?? why didn’t you wait for one of your pals who could hit him with an attack from long range WITHOUT BREAKING EVERY SINGLE BONE IN THEIR BODIES. WHERE DID YOUR BIG HERO BRAIN GO

boy you better pray one of those remaining quirks is a healing factor, or else you’re gonna be on IR for a LONG time. anyway. idk why I’m getting so worked up when I already knew this was going to happen lol. it’s just like Katsuki said; he takes himself out of the equation. it’s worth sacrificing his own body if it means he can take out AFO and prevent Tomura from hurting anyone else again. it’s just that... well. you know that saying about taking calculated risks when you are bad at math?

GUH I REALLY HATE THAT TOMURA IS STILL COMPLETELY FINE KSKWOILWKKJ AT LEAST PRETEND TO BE A LITTLE HURT, WOULD YOU

please ignore all of those worried-sounding thoughts; I think we all know that’s a bunch of bullshit. completely and utterly fine. the only person Deku’s attacks hurt was himself. hip hip hooray

anyway. so now, this!

pretty sure he can’t use Decay or AFO without at least touching SOMETHING, so I’m guessing this is another one of his new quirks. dammit Tomura why are you so fucking invincible

HAHAHA MEANWHILE

if I were you, Deku’s Arms, I would simply detach from his body altogether at this point. cut my losses. mmm

OOF HE HIT HIM WITH THE WHOLE OF TEXAS

spoiler alert: again, it did nothing. SORRY TO KEEP RUINING THE SUSPENSE FOR YOU GUYS. is there a single human being reading this who thought for even for the milliest of seconds that this stood a chance of working though

OH MY GOD

DEKU GET IT TOGETHER YOU’RE STARTING TO LOOK LIKE THE ENIGMA OF AMIGARA FAULT AND I CAN’T STAND THIS ACTUALLY

so Tomura is all “there must be something I can do to stop this fucking kid” and shuffling through his quirk pokedex while he’s tossed around bleeding in the air

hey Tomura I’ll tell you right now that you don’t actually need to do a damn thing except not die for roughly the next thirty seconds or so, and then you’ve got this. the quirk that can stop this kid is called “One for All”, and it just so happens he’s already got you covered bruh

and Katsuki’s realized the same thing, apparently!

SHOUTO YOU’RE NOT EVEN LOOKING?? wow that is some trust right there. focused on cauterizing Gran and Aizawa’s wounds, I guess

MEANWHILE KATSUKI IS PULLING OUT ALL THE STOPS. HE FOUND A NEW BRAIN CELL! A WHOLE DAMN CACHE OF FRESH NEW BRAIN CELLS, LOOK AT THIS

THANKS FOR THAT, PROFESSOR

OH SHIT SON ARE WE MOUNTING A COUNTERATTACK?

I like how Endeavor is just SITTING THERE in the background looking all disgruntled. yes, sorry about that sir, this is now Kacchan’s show. he’s in charge now. time for that long-range attack I was complaining about them not doing earlier?? hopefully?? omg

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS IT’S A BAKUROKI TRIPLE COMBO?!?!

ARE YOU GOING TO YEET THEM A LA GANG ORCA?? ALSO OH MY GOD, HE REALLY IS IN CHARGE. FIRST DEKU TOOK OVER FOR TWO MINUTES UNTIL HE BROKE ALL HIS BONES, AND NOW IT’S KACCHAN’S TIME. I’M SO PROUD OF YOU KIDS

LOL SHOUTO’S GETTING IN ON THIS TOO

THIS JUST IN, THE KIDS HAVE TAKEN OVER THE MANGA, ADULTS OF BNHA IN SHAMBLES

WELL MAYBE NEXT TIME DON’T LET AIZAWA GET SHOT THEN, YOU HAT!!!

WOOP OKAY WE FLYING NOW

Kacchan, tired of sitting back watching Deku invent new ways to die, decides to improvise a few of his own. hmmmmmmm

(ETA: HE LEARNED FROM THE BEST ORZ.)

OKAY WAIT A MINUTE NOW

why does this sound like he’s planning something on his own after the Todorokis have done their part. KACCHAN. EXCUSE ME, KACCHAN

SDLFKJLKJLJ

OKAY HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE

IS THIS LEADING WHERE I THINK IT’S LEADING, HOLY --

-- ooOF

I WASN’T FUCKING READY FOR THAT ONE. BAKUBULLYING FROM HIS OWN NOW-REMORSEFUL POV. SHIT. FUCKING FELT THAT. HERE I THOUGHT YOU WERE BUILDING UP TO AN “ALL FOR ONE FOR ALL” REVEAL, AND THEN YOU GO AND PULL THAT INSTEAD, WHAT’S GOING ON

-- HOLD UP WE’RE NOT DONE WITH THIS ONE YET MAYBE!!

“ONE FOR ALL IS”??!? KDSLFJAKLSJLKJLKJL AND THEN INTERRUPTING ME WITH THE CUTE BABIES WATCHING THE ALL MIGHT FOOTAGE, OH MY GOD. I’M JUST WILDLY REACTING TO EVERYTHING THAT’S BEING THROWN AT ME RIGHT NOW LMAO I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS IS LEADING

OOF THE NOTEBOOK

KACCHAN THIS ISN’T EVEN YOUR MEMORY HONEY, GET IT TOGETHER

OH MY GLOB

THIS IS THE MOST NONSENSICAL SEQUENCE OF PANELS RIGHT NOW. I’M SURE THIS IS ALL SHORTLY GOING TO COME TOGETHER IN SOME PROFOUND WAY THAT’S GOING TO KICK MY EMOTIONS SQUARE IN THE BALLS, BUT RIGHT NOW I’M JUST ALL “OOH AHH” LIKE SOME HAPLESS RUBE ALONG FOR THE RIDE. p.s. this chapter still doesn’t have a title!! p.p.s. Horikoshi is a knave

(ETA: HORIKOSHI IS A FUCKING MALFEASANT!!)

I CAN’T TAKE THIS??

PLEASE STOP BUILDING UP TO WHATEVER IT IS YOU’RE BUILDING UP TO AND JUST SAY IT ALREADY, I’M DYING OMG

...and we’re cutting back to the action. godfuckingdammit it’s gonna be one of those chapters where the entire thing is just buildup to some huge reveal on the very last page isn’t it

(ETA: [sounds of screaming heard in the distance])

anyway so this next page is just Deku flying in the air, and Tomura flying through the air, and Endeavor+Katsuki+Shouto flying through the air, and everyone’s flying through the air, and we’re all just flying. TALK TO ME MORE ABOUT THE CURSE OF OFA DAMN IT

OOHHHHHH

guess if it was good enough for Hood, it’s probably their best shot huh. better than whatever the fuck Deku was trying to pull at any rate

OOP

gotta admit, if I didn’t already know full well that Tomura could not possibly die here, I’d have been pretty convinced he was dying here lol

DSFKJL ENDEAVOR BUDDY YOU MIGHT HAVE POSSIBLY OVERDONE IT JUST A BIT

wait... is that Blackwhip...?? or???

OH SHIT

WHAT EVEN IS THIS CHAPTER, COME ON

-- FMMMJAKAKJDJL, UM

TIME TO SCROLL BACK UP TO THAT PANEL OF TOMURA BEING MELTED, AND READ WHAT AFO WAS SAYING A LITTLE MORE CAREFULLY LMAOOOO. LOL. WHOOPS. OH NO KATSUKI WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

AHHHHHHHH

WHAT’S WITH THE NARRATION SQUARE ALL OF A SUDDEN AHHHHHH

oh my fresh and citrusy lord. this is it isn’t it. all of my theories converge at once. Tomura being possessed by AFO; OFA is AFO/Deku has AFO; Katsuki does something stupid and loses his quirk. THE PERFECT STORM. THEORY SINGULARITY

oh my lord oh my god oh my lord oh my god honey what are you doing, honey, no

his body’s moving before he can think. WHAT ARE THESE FLASHBACKS OF ALL HIS DEKU RELATED MEMORIES. BULLYING DEKU, BEING SAVED FROM THE SLUDGE MONSTER, RECONCILING WITH HIM AT GROUND BETA, OH MY GOD. I’M NOT READY. [WRAPS MYSELF IN A BLANKET BURRITO AND SLOWLY SCROLLS DOWN FROM THE SAFETY OF MY COCOON]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HORIKOSHI KOUHEI: [LOADS GUN WITH CHAPTER TITLE AND AIMS DIRECTLY FOR MY HEART]

ME: [SWEATING]

HORIKOSHI: [SMILES, REACHES FOR THE TRIGGER... AND THEN SUCKER PUNCHES ME SQUARE IN THE FACE]

excuse me WHAT. PARDON, THE FUCK. WHY ARE THE FIRST FEW LONE PIANO NOTES OF ADELE’S “SKYFALL” PLAYING. WHAT THE FUCK

excuse me, Horikoshi. excuse me, could I just -- could I get. COULD I JUST GET A WORD WITH YOU FOR A MINUTE. SIR

son of a. ...how am I even supposed to wrap this up. just

sob okay. so let’s just. ...

All for One 100% just took Tomura’s body over. like, he was all “Tomura, you’re fucking dying, just give me your body you muppet”, and Tomura couldn’t really argue on account of he really was dying, and so, YOINK. which is the sound that a body makes when it’s being taken over, I think

All for One then activated his forced activation quirk?? which OF FUCKING COURSE he passed on to Tomura as well. so THAT’S JUST GREAT

Kacchan is seriously the fastest character in the series. the reflexes, the sheer speed necessary to intercept that hit? goddamn

every single one of those BakuDeku flashbacks are now wanted by the FBI for first-degree murder of me

this has nothing to do with Kacchan fucking dying and stuff, but is it just me or were there HUGE “Kacchan as Bakugou’s hero name” vibes earlier on in this chapter with the flashbacks to Deku explaining the meaning behind his own name, HMM

and speaking of, this is the first time we’ve gotten Kacchan narrating in the little box panels, unless I’m completely mistaken somehow. Horikoshi really waited almost 300 whole chapters to do that. and it was worth it. holy shit

fun fact, this moment is something that’s been on my wishlist since chapter 12 lol, you can go back and check the recap if you want. back then I called it a long shot. oh how the times have changed

I DON’T KNOW HOW I’M EVEN SO STUNNED ABOUT THIS, GUYS. this is exactly what I predicted at the end of the last chapter. MY CHILD IS DUMB. THAT’S ALL THERE IS TO IT. HE’S THAT EXACT KIND OF SHOUNEN DUMB. WE’VE KNOWN IT ALL ALONG

oh my god. and now Deku’s gonna go ham, arms or no arms. AND BETS ON WHICH NEW QUIRK HE’S ABOUT TO UNLOCK? because the last time someone so much as insulted Kacchan in his presence, he SPONTANEOUSLY GREW SHADOW TENTACLES OUT OF THE BLUE AND ATTEMPTED TO MURDER THE PERSON. so if this kid has got ANYTHING left up his sleeve, I have to imagine that SEEING HIS PRECIOUS CHILDHOOD FRIEND TAKE A DEADLY ATTACK MEANT FOR HIM is gonna leave him feeling SOME KINDA WAY. I literally have no idea what’s going to happen next but I would not count this angry little broccoli out yet. not as long as he’s still conscious

anyway. so I wonder what’s the world record for continuous screaming, and whether or not I could break said record by doing such nonstop from now until a week from now when I finally get to read the next chapter

...lol apparently the record is only 8 mins and 45 seconds so GOOD NEWS GUYS, WITH THE POWER OF THIS NEW CHAPTER, WE ARE GOING TO MAKE HISTORY. DEEP BREATH. -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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