#I’m gonna cry so hard!!! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sweaterrat · 1 year ago

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Portals Plus ✦ PROMISE

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Silence drifted around the resistance camp like a noiseless fog, thick with tension and grief. Winter was nearing which only made it worse for everyone. Winter in the apocalypse was frigid and unforgiving, especially way up north where they were. Right now, everyone was getting a preview of the harsh storms to come.

Being underground helped a little bit. It was warmer here and much safer versus the freezing, kraang-ridden world on the outside. Niyah sighed as she felt herself sink into the well worn out couch she laid on. Her eyes glazed over the half of dozens of kids on a mat, all huddled together under a thick blanket. Niyah had the privilege to look after these bundles of energy while their parents were out fighting a losing battle against the kraang.

Niyah’s expression fell into a meager frown as she watched over the children. Her heart broke for the children who no longer had parents. Their parents had passed while fighting the war. They were all far too young to be forced to go through something like this.

A sigh heaved from Niyah’s lungs; the kids weren’t the only ones who lost loved ones. It’s been a few days since Raph passed away. It’s been affecting everyone, even the kids! But of course, It hurt his brothers the most. Leo has been MIA, spirits know where the hell he’s been, and Kat had to step up as leader for a while (being his second in command, it was kind of her job to do so). Mikey was helping Kat take care of everything and everyone but there was an obvious lack of energy in his step. He wasn’t as bubbly as he was but he hid it well. And then there was Donnie. He had been shut up in his lab for the better half of a week.

The door to his lab was always locked and rarely opened. Niyah has never seen it open but sometimes she leaves food out for him and when she comes back, the whole plate is gone. She suspects that Donnie opens the door to take it but then again, anything could’ve taken it. She worried if Donnie had been eating at all. She had begged him to come out or at least let her come in, but she was always met with silence.

She couldn’t blame him— he was grieving just like the rest of them. Niyah only wished that she could see him and help him. He didn’t always have to do things alone (and frankly, she was feeling a bit lonely without seeing him).

With a small groan, Niyah sat up and stretched, finally getting off the couch and started walking to the food court. It was about time Donnie should eat.

As she entered the cafeteria, she was greeted by Baron Draxum. When Draxum wasn’t a warring warrior scientist, he was (once again) just the lunch lady. With the help of Daxum’s leftover mutagen, he could mutate fruits and vegetables into way bigger versions of themselves, helping to feed the hundreds of people who joined the resistance. Thank the stars, the food was still edible and Mikey sometimes helped out in the kitchen (Donnie was tasked with growing all the mutated crops because of his not-so-secret love for botany). Things were looking pretty good food wise.

“Greetings, human. Finally coming to eat?” Draxum was behind a counter, already preparing a plate of tonight’s dinner. It was baked potatoes!

“Hey, Drax,” Niyah greeted. “Nah, I’m just getting Donnie his fill.” She feigned a smile as she leaned against the counter Draxum was at.

The other slightly frowned. “You have to eat too, you know.” He grumbled, placing baked potatoes on a plastic plate.

“I know, I know. Not hungry, though, I’ll be fine.” Niyah halfheartedly chuckled, “It’s not like I do much around here anyways. Everyone else is fighting for a meal and I’m just… doing nothing.” Her eyes were downcast, feeling guilt twinge in her soul. She could’ve been doing so much more than babysitting, she thought. Don’t get her wrong, she loved hanging out with the kiddos, but she could be doing things actually useful.

“Don’t act as if you don’t help around a lot. You do so much more than you realize.” He reassured while handing her two plates of baked potatoes.

“Draxum,” She sighed, “I said I’m not—”

“I know what you said, I’m not deaf.” He grunted, going to the back to do whatever he was doing. “Now, go eat.”

Draxum may seem big and scary, but deep deep deep down, he’s a pretty great guy. Niyah smiled a little while rolling her eyes. “Alright, alright. Thanks, Drax.”

He only hummed in response, “Just make sure that boy takes care of himself too. You know how he can be when he gets upset. Losing someone you care about is not easy.” Niyah’s smile dropped and she nodded almost robotically.

“I’m off,” she said, waving goodbye to him. He returned the wave halfheartedly and went back to cleaning up.

Niyah treaded down the quiet halls. Most people would be asleep right now after dinner. It was pretty late out anyway (she thinks. It’s hard to tell time underground), but Donnie would definitely be awake. He always was for the past few times she’s brought him food.

Niyah approached the door to Donnie’s lab, slightly hesitating before giving it a knock. “Hey Don, I got you food.” She spoke somewhat hopefully, but, like usual, he didn’t respond. She sighed, “Can you knock to let me know you’re here?”

A moment or two later, Niyah heard shuffling on the other side of the door. First, the screech of a chair against the floor, something beeping then shutting off, soft footsteps… two soft knocks sounded from the inside. Niyah smiled, he’s here.

“I’m gonna leave it out here, okay? In the front.” She placed one of the plates of baked potatoes in front of the door. Usually, she’d leave after dropping his food off, but something told her to stay.

A minute later, the lab door creaked open just a smidge. Niyah’s eyes instantly darted to the opened part of the doorway, freezing in place when she made eye contact with…

“Donnie.” She sucked in a breath, staring at nothing but his eye (the other was hidden by the door). He looked just as shocked to see her. For a second, they just stood there, staring, but Donnie snapped out of it and snatched the plate of food.

Niyah flinched at the sudden movement but blinked and shouted “Wait!” But she was too late. The door quickly shut, leaving her stunned. She tried putting an ear to the door to hear something— anything, but it was silent. Niyah frowned and let out a heavy sigh. She’s not gonna lie, she’s missed Donnie a lot. He started sleeping in the lab (if he’s even been sleeping at all) rather than the usual room they shared. It was harder to fall asleep without him there and it was a lot colder as well.

She didn’t want to be a bother to Donnie, but damn, did she miss him. She missed their ‘Good morning’s and their ‘Good night’s, she missed sharing meals together or just being in each other's company, she missed how he’d call her stunning and how she’d get to call him beautiful every day. She missed their hugs and their kisses, she missed their cuddling when it got cold and her dragging him to bed when he was so obviously tired.

Damn, did she miss him. Niyah wondered if that was what Donnie was feeling about Raph— missing everything they did together.

She sighed, pressing her back against the door and sliding to the floor. Sure, it’s only been four days, but it felt like it’d been four years. Donnie was a big part of her daily routine and most of her day involved him. But now that he wasn’t here, her day was suddenly empty. Niyah squeezed her eyes shut at the familiar stinging in her nose. She cried way too easily.

It was a silent cry, something rare for her. Maybe she just didn’t want to be heard or she was embarrassed for crying like this in front of a door that she couldn’t open. She still did that annoying hiccup-gasp-sob-thing that she hated doing. All she could really do was scream internally into a noiseless void where no one else but she could hear.

She tried to tell herself that she was acting like a child. Everyone else was going through something much worse than her and here she was crying on the floor. With that thought, she quickly wiped her tears away.

‘Stop crying, damn it,’ Niyah repeated in her head until her body obeyed. She took some deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself and wiped the already drying tears from her eyes. She just sat there with that extra plate of baked potatoes in her hands, deciding that she might as well eat them so they wouldn’t go to waste (even though she wasn’t hungry).

This was the closest she’d get to eating next to Donnie again, so she enjoyed what little she had. Pressing her back impossibly closer to the door, Niyah pretended (hoped) that Donnie was just on the other side doing the same.

Niyah perked up at the soft shuffling on the other side of the door. It was closer than she had thought. Like earlier, two soft knocks sounded from inside. He wanted to know if she was there. Niyah nearly cried again. She debated whether she’d knock or not (what if she didn’t knock and he’d open the door again?) but she decided to be honest and gave two soft knocks back.

She smiled. At least he was here.

Suddenly the door creaked open— Niyah nearly fell back, but she caught herself last minute.

“Donnie…?” she called, but was once again met with silence. Cautiously, she stood up, leaving the empty plate of potatoes on the floor (for someone so un-hungry, she sure did tear up that plate). She put her fingertips to the door, unsure of whether to enter or not, but she took a deep breath, pushed it open and quickly closed it behind her.

It took her eyes a moment to adjust to the dim lighting. Her eyes surveyed the dark room, spotting messy piles of blueprints and books littered around. A jungle of scrap metal was scattered across the room. She noticed the walls had scratch marks and cracks that definitely weren’t there before. In the corner of the room, she spotted an empty plate of baked potatoes. Well, at least he ate.

Niyah’s eyes landed on a disheveled Donatello who was sitting at his desk. He didn’t acknowledge her but he definitely knew she was there.

“Donnie?” Niyah echoed, taking a few slow steps forward, unsure if she should be close to him or give him space. Donnie blinked tiredly and turned his head to her, his eyes flitting across her face. All the staring was making Niyah a bit flustered.

When he saw her fidgeting, he smiled and signed a slow ‘Hey.’

Niyah smiled widely. He was talking to her (well, signing, but she’ll take what she can get)! “Hey,” she copied and walked closer to sit in the chair next to him. “Are you doing okay?” She asked, subconsciously signing the words she was saying.

His little smile faded. He hesitated, lifting his hands like he was going to sign, but he never did. He only sighed through his nose and placed his hands on the desk again. Niyah stared at him, head tilted and brows drawn together in worry. Instinctively, her hand moved to hover over his. “May I?”

He looked over to her, his gaze flickering between her hand and her eyes. Eventually, he nodded bashfully.

Niyah let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and let her hand rest on top of his. Donnie’s hand was cold, it always was, but not like the harsh cold of winter. It was a refreshing kind of cold and it almost felt nostalgic to Niyah. She let the warmth of her hand seep into his as she watched him relax with a soft sigh. Slowly, he turned over his hand and let her palm touch his. They were calloused and firm, good for holding.

Niyah couldn’t help but feel giddy at the feeling. She was always giddy when it came to Donnie, no matter how long they’d been together. Everything they did felt like it was the first time again, from cuddling to kissing to holding hands. That spark was always there and Niyah admired it. A nervous smile made its way onto her face and the breathy laugh she let out caught Donnie’s attention.

He smiled warmly at her (spirits above, his smile was so beautiful) and moved his hand up her arm, to her shoulder, and finally let it rest on her cheek. Niyah leaned into his touch like she always did. She was so, so happy to see him again.

“I missed you,” she whispered, her eyes falling closed as Donnie cradled her face and let his thumb glide over her cheek softly. He exhaled and brushed a loc behind her ear affectionately as if he was saying ‘I know’.

“Why haven’t you talked to me all this time?” She suddenly asked. She felt Donnie’s fingers twitch anxiously. She opened her eyes to look up at him, a desperate tone in her voice, “Why are you trying to go through this alone?”

Donnie stayed silent, his eyes darting to the floor to avoid her persistent gaze. With a sigh, she whispered, “You’re not the only one who lost Raph, y’know.” This made him flinch and look up again. “We all did. We’re all sad and grieving, Donnie. Of course, not as heavily as you are, but you can’t just— you can’t push everyone away.”

She searched his light brown eyes desperately, feeling the sting in her nose again, but she ignored it. “Mikey and Leo need their brother right now. And I need my…” she trailed off. She had nearly called Donnie her husband even though they weren’t married. But it felt wrong to call him her boyfriend— they were so much more than just that. They practically were married but the title never stood anywhere. Niyah internally shook her head— why did that matter right now?!

“I-I need you too,” she stammered out, not knowing what else to say. Donnie just sat unmoving. Niyah searched his eyes for something— anything! Niyah had become better at reading Donnie’s expressions over the years. It was difficult at first (and sometimes it still is) but she caught onto all his tics and habits that determined his mood. Right now, however, Donnie was blank. He just slowly (and almost reluctantly) let his hand fall from her face. He no longer looked at her. Niyah nearly cried at that.

“Can you please say something? Or sign?” She pleaded but Donnie never responded or even looked her in the eye. She just wanted to help him in any way she could— it was what she was good at! Helping people was her thing! So why couldn’t she do it now? For a moment, she wondered if her being here wasn’t helping at all.

“Donnie,” she sighed, cupping his face with her left hand which made him let out a shaky breath and look up at her. “I’m here. And I’ll always be here when you need me. I love you and I want to help you, so please, just let me.” She pondered for a second and pulled her hand away, “Unless you want me to go?”

A look of alarm flashed in his eyes and he quickly grabbed her hands. “Stay,” he said hoarsely, his voice barely above a whisper. Niyah’s eyes widened a bit at his voice— hell, even Donnie looked surprised. He sounded like he was in pain, she knew he was, and it hurt seeing him like this. “Please?”

Well, she couldn’t say no to that. “Okay,” she whispered back. Donnie held her hands firmly as if she’d run away if he didn’t hold her tight enough. Swiftly, he pulled her into a hug.

Donnie initiating things like this wasn’t rare but it was uncommon even though they’d been together for years now. Hugging in this position was a bit awkward while they were both sitting down. Donnie acknowledged this and effortlessly picked Niyah up and placed her down on his lap where he could hug her tighter.

Niyah giggled as he nestled into the crook of her neck (he knew that it was ticklish to her). His arms were wrapped around her waist comfortably and he felt like putty in her hold; completely and utterly vulnerable.

She petted his head soothingly, trying her best to comfort him. “You’re okay, Don. You’re gonna be okay,” she muttered to him. He stayed like that for a long time, taking long inhales and quivering exhales. Niyah couldn’t even imagine what he was going through. She’s only known Raph for a few years, but Donnie’s known him all his life. Sure, Niyah has lost family members before, but she was never close to her family like that. She couldn’t even begin to comfort him because she’d never been in a situation like that before.

Niyah then wondered what it’d be like if she had lost her own brother who was safe in her original universe. She wondered if her brother was feeling like how Donnie was feeling, like he had suddenly lost a sibling. God, it’s been years since she last saw her family.

“There’s just… so much going on.” Donnie let out a shaky breath. It sounded like he desperately needed to cry. He held her tightly, refusing to let go as if she’d vanish if he did.

“I know, love, I know.” Niyah continued to snuggle into him. His breathing was heavy and ragged, he sounded strained like he was holding something back. Niyah frowned.

“You can cry if you need to, Donnie. It’s okay.”

And with that, he finally let all his walls down. He sobbed in her hold, hugging her tighter and tighter. It was a little hard to breathe, but that was okay. Niyah’s heart broke at the sound of his sobs. At times like these, she honestly didn’t know what to do.

Donnie doesn’t cry often (at least not in front of her) so when he did cry, it was devastating to her. He was usually a silent crier, just letting tears roll down his face while keeping his expression fairly neutral, so seeing him sob like this hit so much harder. Niyah pressed a small kiss to the side of his head, whispering over and over “It’s okay.”

When Donnie calmed down a bit, Niyah pulled away from the hug, but just enough to see him. She held his face in her hands and finally got a good look at him. His caramel eyes were glossy with tears. With her thumbs, Niyah hooked the bottom of his mask and gently lifted it up and off his face, revealing his beautiful, purple markings and his tired eyes. She wiped under his eyes as if to wipe the dark circles away.

“I miss him.” His eyes flashed with an emotion so deep that even Niyah couldn’t understand what it was. It looked like he was whirling around in a sea of depression and grief so deep that he was drowning in it. His eyes were filled with so much pain, it almost made Niyah cry too.

“I know you do. I miss him too.”

He closed his eyes and sighed as he leaned into her touch. “I… I’m scared,” He mumbled, voice wavering. Niyah’s eyes softened.

“About?”

He hesitantly opened his mouth to speak, “Who’s going to be next? Mikey? Leo? You?” Niyah couldn’t possibly generate a response to that, so he kept going.

“What if I get too close to someone, and— and then they die? What if you…” He trailed off, the tears in his eyes returning but not falling.

“No one lives forever,” She said honestly. “And yeah, someday I will die.” Donnie flinched at her words, but it was the truth.

“But living life is about making connections— memories with people you never thought you’d meet! Would you rather you’d never met Raph, wishing that you got to know him when you had the chance, or would you rather be happy that you got to know him and you have these good memories of him so he could live on in your mind?”

Donnie fell silent, mouth agape as if to say something, but that something never came. He just exhaled loudly and rested his head on her shoulder. “I don’t want anyone else to die,” he muttered in her ear.

Niyah’s hand made laps running from the top of his head to the base of his neck. “I’m afraid you can’t control that, Don,” she whispered back.

“I know I can’t,” he growled, gripping his hands at the bottom of Niyah’s jacket. He let out a breath and his grip relaxed. “I just… I don’t know what I’d do if you died.”

Niyah’s heart sank at that. Her hand paused in her soothing rubs for just a moment, before stuttering and starting up again.

“I won’t,” she said sternly (not realizing how stupid that sounded; she wasn’t immortal).

Donnie all but scoffed, “You can’t possibly promise something like that.”

“Maybe not.” She trailed, “But,” pulling away from Donnie just so he’d look at her again. With one of her hands, she cradled his face. His beautiful brown eyes looked up at her and she had nearly gotten lost in them.

“For as long as I live, I will always be there for you. Every step, every breath. That I can promise.” Her voice was filled with so much confidence and yet it was soft; reassuring.

Donnie seemingly searched her eyes for any sign of deceit but in the end, found nothing but truth. She meant to keep this promise.

He exhaled, letting his expression soften. “Okay,” he mumbled. “Same for me.”

Niyah only smiled, glazing over his features again. “Have you slept at all?” She asked suddenly. Donnie blinked and shook his head, seemingly ashamed. Niyah sighed gently, “Donnie…”

He darted his gaze to the floor and started fidgeting with the hem of her jacket. He looked so drained; so tired.

“Wanna take a nap?” She suggested, making Donnie perk up a bit. Shyly, he nodded again and Niyah smiled. She carefully climbed off him and held out her hand. He took it in an instant and she led him up and out of the lab.

Donnie closed the door behind them before they continued their trek to their room. On the way, Niyah had spotted Draxum walking past. He raised his eyebrows at the sight of Donnie, smiling slightly and Niyah sent him a wide smile back with a small thumbs up.

When they had finally reached their quarters, no one spoke. They didn’t need words anyway.

Niyah set Donnie’s mask down on a small nightstand and put her various other things away while Donnie mindlessly followed her around like a sleepy duckling. She turned to her lover and helped him remove his battle shell (that's been on for god knows how long), exposing his soft shell to the elements.

A small shiver ran up Donnie’s spine in the absence of his armor, but he didn’t feel one bit panicked or anxious. He felt safe. Niyah treated him so softly, she was impossibly gentle with him and it was so… different. Living with 3 other brothers, gentle was almost nowhere in their vocabulary. Donnie didn’t like the idea of being treated like glass, but Niyah never made him feel like that. She made him feel like he was precious, not fragile; knowing his strength but still taking the time to treat him softly. This was something new and sure it’s been years now but it still amazed him.

God, he loves her.

“I love you,” he whispered as she put his mechanical shell away to the side. She nearly flinched at how random it was, but she smiled all the same.

“I love you too.”

And with that, they both settled into bed (it was much warmer with Donnie here even if he was cold-blooded) and Donnie nestled in the base of her neck. Niyah traced gentle patterns of stars and hearts on his shell, letting him relax into sleep. She whispered sweet nothings to him, kissing his forehead and listening to his soft churring. He was out like a light.

Niyah pulled him closer once she heard his calm breathing and small snores. She felt so protective over him seeing him like this. She wanted nothing more than for him to be okay because he deserved to feel safe and happy. Niyah swore she was going to do everything in her power to make sure he was okay.

That was her promise.

Matching Donnie’s breathing pattern with her own, Niyah was soon washed over with a wave of fatigue. Finally, she closed her eyes and succumbed to sleep.

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WOOOO YAYAYYA I FINALLY FINISHED THIS WUAGHDSAJL oh my goodness. This was a nice little hurt/comfort fic to write :] I hoped yall enjoyed this! Don’t be a silent reader! I love comments so much it makes me so happy ^^ Love you all!! Have a great day <3 🍋

Big thanks to my beta readers @yourlocalartsonist @yosajaeofficial and @oleander-nin !!! 💛💕💛💕💛💕

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