#I’m gonna be sick I fear
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literally cannot stop thinking about buck cooking dinner for his boys in 6x01. they’re so fucking domestic
#what base is stay at home dinner dates with their son. fifth?#buddie#🪐#the way they look at each other in that entire scene is just. I’m so#I’m gonna be sick I fear#they’re so in love#and no offense but I know damn well buck ain’t putting his napkin in his lap unless he thinks he’s on a date 💀🫵🏻
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rewatched madoka magica again today bc i fucking hate myself and to absolutely no one’s surprise i went through all five stages of grief in a single evening
#let’s talk about sayaka miki for a second#genuinely the fact that her whole character is centered around tragedy almost to a shakespearean extent#she’s selfless and brave and values her justice and righteousness above all. calls herself an ally of justice#in fact i think it’s rather intriguing how her whole character is centered around “justice”#her story being a more twisted retelling of the original little mermaid#how she is initially portrayed as a very heroic and confident character even before becoming a magical girl. always shielding madoka#selling her soul to heal the boy she loved out of a selfless desire to see him well again#her being absolutely distraught abt being robbed of her humanity and betrayed by kyubey#she combats this harrowing realization by immersing herself in her duties not caring that she is slowly deteriorating in the process#becoming numb with pain and fighting recklessly and psychotically trying to drown out the pain#finally coming to the sickening conclusion that humanity doesn’t deserve her saving and she succumbs to a fate of her making#last words being “i was so stupid” which trumps her previous statement of “there’s no way i’d regret this”#ALSO? the fact that her costume and weapon are symbolic of a knight. she rly portrays this hero of justice who will protect and defend ☹️#i think abt the fact that homura said that sayaka’s wish was so selfless it was only a matter of time before she died#sayaka being the example of what happens to magical girls who go through the entire cycle and eventually become witches is so sad to me#genuinely just like. sick and twisted#very very fucked up.#characters who have their own misconstrued interpretation of “justice” or who are centered around justice in general.#you will always be dear to me.#sayaka reminds me a lot of akechi in some ways ngl#harboring an almost idealized vision of justice but it slowly rots and festers and corrupts their hearts the more immersed w it they become#actually losing their sanity when they fight bc of how much pain they’re in but refuse to acknowledge it until they break#refusing any help and wallowing in misery despite having ppl who love them and want to save them#last words are those expressing regret for being such a fool. for being ignoring#being used by yhe main villain as a stepping stone towards their true goal. they were merely a pawn#also doomed in every version of their reality. always doomed by the narrative no matter what choices they make#i have a type i fear#HAHAHAH ALSO the fact that they’re both dressed so regally compared to everyone else in their respective series#meant to portray them in a virtuous and princely light. only made more apparent by the sword being their weapon of choice#i’m gonna shut up now but they’re soo eerily similar its unnerving tbh 💀
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Frank castle finding one of your plushies left over at his place and sending u pics like this with it everywhere he goes throughout the day </3
#god#having a ‘fun day with dad’ before he brings it back im sick#worms brain worms have infiltrated me I fear#I’m going peacefully#I have so much to write sorry guys I have been on a ugly break#ie I feel ugly and so does my writing but#Frank castle save me#I was gonna ask if any of my followers know who this man is before writing about him but this is for me#and worm#and the other five people here who care#for US#all will be well again soon#I’m sure#🌑 yapping#in these hashtags my god#frank castle I can cook and clean and and and#frank castle#frank castle imagine#frank castle x reader#frank castle thoughts#frank castle fluff#🌑 thots
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see. okay so i genuinely forgot how boring married to it is and i forgot i only watch it for rsl. i genuinely don’t like that movie i just like chuck bishop sigh
#the plot is so BORING#sigh#also.#the excessive sex scenes??? like LEAVE ME ALOUGHN#not my fav thing i fear.#rsl looks nice in it though whatever#there’s a special tag for today!#neil’s sick day#i’m gonna be rambling a lot sigh
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i don’t wanna talk about it .
#his crooked little smile in the fifth one i’m SICK i am SICK#the hand on the hip in the sixth one is so funny#i love him so much im gonna throw up#he’s so cutie i fear#he’s not just some guy he’s my girlfriend#mash#m*a*s*h#mashposting#mash 4077#mashblr#calvin spalding#captain spalding
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urgh angel devil brainworms but its js me thinking abt what other things from the christian canon would be as devils
#I need a God devil to be real#and I say God w a capital g bc that’s a very specific thing#like God would be more feared than an angel#which also angel seems to represent the lowest class of angel so would there also be a seraphim devil or a cherub devil?#is there a demon devil?? satan??#we have the hell devil but satan(/lucifer if we wanna go seven sins route) being the prince/ruler of hell could make dynamics in hell crazy#also would the devil be more feared or the concept of hell itself#like o my god idk#maybe this all gets explained in p2 so maybe I’m going insane over nothing#anyways four horsemen are SICK and lowkey the reason I even started yapping#but also idk biblical mythology is deeply fascinating and I mourn my inability to push through the genesis bc i need to read the Bible#I feel like that one girl that read the bible bc she saw evangelion#like that’s me w csm#for absolutely no reason other than ‘biblical devils go brr’#ANYWAYS gonna stop yapping in the tags now and return to akiangel fanfic#bullshitting
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damnnn I hate it when tumblr doesn’t show me posts from my mutuals and I have to scour through their blogs to see what I missed. How barbaric. Especially hate it when I can tell my own posts aren’t being shown. Listen when I post I want EVERYONE to see it. Like look at this
It’s zasp as a larva 🥰🥰🥰ignore the fact that he is Actively Being Eaten
#poor zasp larva. can’t believe (my sibling’s oc) would do this 😔#wasp larvae are soooo cute can I go on a side tangent rq#absolute BLOBS. GROSS. I LOVE THEM#YES I would probably recoil in disgust if I touched one but that’s why they’re so cute#no legs no nothin these boys are just TUBES#they’re so hardcore. they eat meat!! they devour other bugs meanwhile the allegedly cruel wasps just slurp up sweet stuff#that’s adorable!!! my little freaks!!!#you go girl. eat them meat.#wasp haters get no respect from me#wasp fear-ers are a different story bc I too am scared of wasps#but there’s a difference between fear and wanting to eradicate these precious little things#they’re so cute…..sick of people pretending they’re not……#have you seen them??? some of them are built like q-tips#thread waisted wasps are WILD. they’re awesome and go hard change my mind#I had a dream last night where I got to take photos of wasps….sighs dreamily……..#I also got to take photos of olimar who was apparently real so that was awesome too I guess#when the wasps return I’m gonna throw myself in the middle of the battlefield and snap pictures of those fellas#I just have to wait for it to be. not consistently 20 degrees out#which could take a while. ALSO MOTHS I LOVE MOTHS. want to take pics of them too but they’ll be harder#not only do I Never see moths (heartbreaking) but I also. am not allowed outside at night. also heartbreaking#I would do anything to see a giant silk moth irl
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goodmorning :<
i have fallen quite ill + currently hoping i dont have to do anything today because i am very sick ! i felt too weak pretty much all day yesterday to get out of bed this sucks so baddddd
#.mei’s chatter ˚༘⋆ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖#it’s annoying timing bc im so busy that i feel like i STILL haven’t even caught up on resting from like last week#ive barely had any time to get sleep or relax#even for the parts of yesterday that i wasn’t too sick for i still barely had the energy to get up n eat n stuff#but now on top of it i’m sick w/o anytime to focus on getting better….#i feel like i just keep loading stuff on top of my already questionable health and it’s like HHHH. at this rate i’m gonna burn out so bad#next time i get the chance to sleep without setting an alarm i fear ill go a whole 24 hours
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Book Simon vs Sick Simon being a metaphor for Simon’s black and white thinking (bpder lol) but after sometime doing intense therapy he learns neutrality and learns that maybe he misunderstood that “evil” (not evil) part of him and makes peace with it. Send post
#cof#cry of fear#simon henriksson#I think book vs sick can be cool sometimes but also…#have we considered si making peace with himself and his past…#I’m gonna make art of this dw
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Walgreens give me my migraine medication or I’m gonna give Gojo another one
#wrote a fic where he gets a migraine bc I’ve been having them non stop#so fun 😋#sitting here feeling like I’m going to puke to everything I’ve ever eaten but i physically can’t sleep because of the pain 😋#I love this 😋#giving my hyperfixation characters my disability to cope I fear#striking him down#I’m glad I didn’t have one yesterday#I was hanging out with friends#BUT IM FEELING OT TIDAY#I feel so sick 😭 like I’m gonna pass out 😭#love love love migraines
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… “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” it’s such a freeing realization, zomfg /gen /pos
#delete l8r#bleats#this isn’t even the most important part of her but I have to address this ASAP#her being a weird ass spoiled girl with a God Complex™️ is the most important thing BUT#the fucking entitlement#slight vent#identity policing#generally positive#bittersweet#a lot of things pushed me towards this thought#but this post is…#this is about something specific#I’m so tired of ‘walking on eggshells’ with MY oc 🙄#(pun UNintended holy fuck)#Anyways™️#I’m tired of ‘hiding’ my multiracial background out of fear of being labeled ‘antiblack’ 🙄#how are u gonna call me (insert whatever -ism here) for creating a self indulgent OC based on… ME™️#Dodie isn’t meant to represent all black girl experiences oh my fucking god#damn that felt good to get off my chest#it honestly shouldn’t even matter considering she’s based off Me#but I’m so sick of entitlement & identity policing#god I wish I didn’t have to say this#omfg like when I and several other black girls who got harassed some years back cus we were into cottagecore???#like DUDE - me sitting in a flowery meadow eating a basket of strawberries is politicized now???#holy fuck just let me live??#damned if i do damned if i dont
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I didn’t go to sculpture again……
#please please please I have anxiety I have a mental illness#I can’t make myself go there it’s hell idk why I’m just so nervous every time I make myself feel sick#and then I get another excuse not to go becuase I literally feel like I’m gonna throw up#I’m not going to pass if I don’t start going there…….#and I cannot handle repeating a semester#I live in fear#and it doesn’t help that I have intermedia class later today which is my second greatest enemy and just as dreadful#banging head on the table#I need to be wrapped in a blanket and go to sleep forever#god even if I go there I’m never going to be able to come up to my prof and talk to him about my project I get physically I’ll at the#slightest suggestion from my friends that I should finally do it#everyone’s done it already#I will literally cry if anyone talks to me#the profs just intimidate me so badly I feel like they hate me#and everyone says they’re super nice but I can’t make myself believe ittttt they will eat me alive#but if I never go I won’t pass the class and repeating the semester will cost money#pleas I have the stupid project idea ready but I just can’t do it I’ve thought about just emailing them and doing it all through email but#I couldn’t do that either I’m just in panic mode instantly#so yeah I’m just venting not asking ppl for solutions 😶✌️ I just don’t want to text my friend again bc I’ve been putting way too much on#them#they do practically everything for me anyway bc I can’t do shit by myself#uh ok I just need to put this SOMEWHERE#I’m gonna curl up and draw metal or whatever#ugh I know I’m making things worse by not coming#but I can’t make myself I just cant I’m gonna have an anxiety attack ✌️#no one look at me#I being sensitive and vulnerable here
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Vanilla iced lattes just make me think of my Woife and being in her city :( I miss her
#gonna make a donation post soon bc our legal fees to bring her over here are €1350 😔#that was the cheapest of all the lawyers we reached out to and unfortunately we do need one because of complications in our case#I just need her out of that transphobic hellhole as soon as possible I’m sick of us living in fear
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Y’all is Hollow Knight hard or do I just suck because oh my god??
#not gonna inflict my ramblings onto someone else’s post so just making a text post for myself#but oh my god#what the fuck?#maybe I’m not a hardcore metroidvania fan but I like them well enough#do I suck that badly at games now?? am I old to the point that my hands can’t do this shit????#did I just somehow fuck myself at some point???#because wow this feels kind of sadistic????#and not even in the fun kind of way?????#like I think I’d rather submit myself to fear and hunger again rather than continue where I am now in hk#idk maybe I’m missing something#but I just got wall jump and was so happy until I fell down to where you can challenge those mantis dudes#got myself out of there but then as I was exploring northwest I keep dying and reviving from the fucking bouncy balls over water#and the normal mantis mobs are also kicking my ass?#and dont even get me started on the weird tentacley nuclear bomb mushroom things those are just bullshit#AND THEN AS I WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME EXPLORING HEADING TOWARDS A SAVE BENCH I GET DROPPED INTO DEEPNEST??????#WHAT KIND OF JUMPSCARE BULLSHIT??????????#AND THE FUCKING COCKROACHES THAT NEVER SEEM TO STOP SPAWNING KILL ME#and then I see how fucking far back I’ve been dropped in the corner of fungal wastes#and I try jumping through the fucking bouncy balls again#and I die and lose my money#I can’t fucking do this shit anymore y’all holy fucking shit#the number of times I’ve died and restarted from that fucking fungal wastes bench I am so sick of it 💀#legit I think this is the first time I’ve rage quit a game#it’s been a while since a game’s actually made me this angry I want to fucking throw something 😂#the willpower and self control I needed to not chuck my pro controller across the room…#if I didn’t have neighbors and a unit below me I’d be throwing shit for sure though#but instead I must smack pillows against my mattress in a rage 😂#I think I hate the ‘go back to where you died to get back your money’ punishment system… like legit I actually really really hate it.#I do think the game is fun and I know I’ll probably quickly gain the money… but it feels like the game’s telling me I fucking suck lmao#suffice to say I will not be playing any more hollow knight for the foreseeable future 💀
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shadow boxing my sickness with a ferociousness never before seen by man >:(
#orange posts#I felt it coming on yesterday :(#unfortunately I always get sick when the seasons change#and it’s really beating my ass this time#I fear I may not be able to get through the brain fog to draw much until I’m better :’(#gonna keep drinking copious amounts of tea and gathering all my blankets like a bear prepping for winter#remember to stay safe and wear a mask if you need to go out and aren’t feeling well!
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i think my university fucking bit me wtf
#it started last semester or maybe even last year but they infected me with an anxiety that completely rewired my brain#i have general anxiety disorder & i’ve had the occasional ‘something bad is gonna happen’ day where im anxious the whole day for no reason#but then it changed to this like. academic anxiety that got so bad i was like. nauseous all the time throwing up i had to go to a counselor#and now i’m straight up paranoid. like idk maybe i’m not using the word right but i’m convinced every day all my worst fears are gonna—#just happen one after the other. my tumblr will be revealed to my family. my toxic ex will come back into my life—#my money for school is revoked things like that.#because adult life is just so confusing and convoluted and works against people#and my anxiety just goes through this loop of ‘everyone dislikes you/hates you/thinks you’re annoying’ so -> ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’#so -> ‘your life will be irreparably damaged and/or you will die’#the ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’ bit especially gets me because it’s like bitch how!! i follow laws!! i cheat a bit less than the average—#student! any time someone has a concern with like my work performance or something they politely tell me#why do i have the anxiety of a fucking hunted animal over these things!!#i wanna be numb actually i miss that time. it still sucks but at least i don’t make myself sick#things would be so much easier if i was a house spouse who cooked & cleaned (with no kids) & didn’t have a job or go to school#ofc managing a house has its own challenges and i don’t wanna undermine that but ykwim#i want this fuckin eye of sauron off my ass already 🧍#and don’t even get me started on the ‘you have to do this little task in this specific way or else everyone you love will die’ thoughts#that’s a whole other mess#tw vent#rose.txt
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