#I’m going to put on my tin foil hat for a second and say that most of the people foaming at the mouth about this probably aren’t-

[spock-smokes-weed]

I think what gets under my skin about people acting like Dan and Phil are intentionally trying to exclude people from the tour or merch drops, is that it shows they don’t know anything about how international markets work or how DnP are at the whims of them.

The thing that’s so brain rotted about the so called “leftist” internet is the CONSTANT use of individualistic thinking to bully people. When a big part of being a leftist is trying to breakdown that kind of thinking. There could be a million reasons why they can’t ship things truly globally. We live in a world that disproportionately excludes the global south. DnP live inside the same system that we do. They only have so much motion as Internet celebrities.

From my understanding it’s that the shipment company they’re using doesn’t do wider international shipping, or it would be too expensive, and they could be caught up in a contract that lasts for X amount of years or for X amount of money. Or it could just be the same thing with the tour “you don’t have enough fans in this region. We won’t ship there.” Business can be a real crapshoot guys.

Is it okay to be upset that you can’t get their merch? Yes. Is it understandable to want DnP to be more transparent about the how and why they can’t do certain things? Yes.

Is it reasonable to tweet hateful things at them or snakily implying they hate their international fans? Absolutely not.

Dan and Phil are just two guys at the end of the day. Two guys who’ve been open about doing a lot of things in house. There are going to be blind spots and errors and I just wish when things like this happens we can act like adults and not cannibalize each other or DnP.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

“it could mean that they didn't think further than season five and we're about to get a lot of awkward writing.”

Genuinely, I’m pretty sure this exact problem is about to rear it’s ugly head into the plot so hard. Once it becomes obvious enough next season, I think this is about to become the biggest gripe people have with the show.

I don’t subscribe to the “Chloé was rewritten by TA out of spite” theories—however—it is almost **impossible** that season 5 didn’t, at the very least, have the bones of the plot laid out *when it was still intended as the final season,* and then those bones were **heavily** rearranged when contracts were signed for Miraculous Ladybug to continue production beyond that point.

This is quickly having a domino effect on the plot, where storylines are being re-sculpted left and right to somehow tie-up the arc of the previous 5 seasons, whilst still maintaining pre-reveal status quo for the seasons still to come. The most glaring problem with this is, of course, that they had to royally shoot Marinette in the foot to make that work.

I don’t want to put my tin-foil hat on too much, but Adrinette getting together sans reveal is just a symptom of the show continuing past it’s original intended “end of life”. We were likely supposed to get exactly what is holding Adrinette back from being interesting right now—the reveal—in the original midseason finale of season 5 instead of Kwami’s Choice.

What’s an even more cynical thought—if season 5 was the end of the show like intended at one point, there is ZERO chance that Marinette would have even NEEDED to lie to Adrien about his father. *THAT’S* what frustrates me most about the season 5 finale. Not that it’s shocking, not that it subverts expectations, that it’s so glaringly obvious the main character is making a decision simply because the plot for future seasons implodes on itself if she thinks logically for 1.2 seconds. It’s not interesting. It’s only there because they wrote themselves into a corner they never intended to be in 5 years ago.

And as the seasons tick on and on, the cycle is just going to continue to chase itself in circles under the guise of “drama” and “plot”, but in reality the episodic nature of the show means that none of the plot lines will ever conclude in a satisfying way

(Post that inspired this ask)

it is almost **impossible** that season 5 didn’t, at the very least, have the bones of the plot laid out *when it was still intended as the final season,* and then those bones were **heavily** rearranged when contracts were signed for Miraculous Ladybug to continue production beyond that point.

Now that is a theory I can get behind and will even admit to subscribing to. Season five absolutely feels like it was written to be the final season and we know that it was, originally, supposed to be the final season. It's not a conspiracy theory to say, "I think that they may have committed to elements of season five before they got a sixth season and that ended up making season five into a bit of a mess."

I'd be fascinated to know the behind-the-scenes timing of things and what was written before the season-six greenlight and what they were allowed to change after season six became a thing. Things like scripts, lore bibles, and plot lines get signed off on by a lot of people! It's entirely possible that the writers' hands were tied on certain elements of season five. If the leaked, season-five Bible is to be believed, it says that it was signed off by TF1 & Disney and has a date of 1/29/21, about three months before season six was officially announced, implying that major elements of season five may have been set in stone all the way back in early 2021:

[Image description: footer for the leaked Bible reading "Ladybug - Bible FINAL VERSION updated season 5 - approved by TF1 & Disney 1/29/21 - CONFIDENTIAL]

This may mean that the writers literally weren't allowed to make major changes to season five because they'd already gone through the approval process for the overall plot. It's also possible that they could have redone things, they just didn't have time based on production timelines or maybe they did have time and just couldn't think up a new version of season five in the time they had. There's no way to be sure with the limited information we have. Maybe season five is exactly what they wanted it to be!

It's hard to buy that, though, because a lot of the awkward writing makes so much more sense if there was supposed to be an identity reveal at the end of Kwami's Choice. Like why Adrien is worrying about how to tell Marinette that he's leaving, but he never once stops to think about Ladybug. If he knows they're the same person, that's suddenly perfectly understandable.

I also full agree that the lie at the end of season five feels like another stalling tactic and not a piece in a well-crafted narrative. It's really common for the writing to get stilted in TV shows and movie series that get renewed past their expiration dates because no plot can last forever. Even the best writers can't draw a concept out to the end of time and Miraculous doesn't seem have the best writers. Now that they've been greenlit for ten freaking seasons, I think we're in for a wild ride and I don't mean the fun kind. Serious identity shenanigans like the love square are not designed to last for 86+ hours. (The show has 26 20-minute episodes per season, so if you multiply that by 10, you get a little over 86 hours + specials and such.)

I just don't see how they're going to draw out the identity reveal for another five seasons without making the love square a toxic waste dump, but I also don't think that they're ever going to do an identity reveal in the mid game. They're saving that sucker for the end no matter how much it ruins the story. (Watch season six prove me wrong, lol. You never know.)

[wa-royal-tea]

Previous | Beginning | Next

(Transcript & Translations under the cut & here - Click Pics for HQ Version!)

@thebrixtons​​​

Symphony Manor, Holan (8:30am)

*alarm rings*

Alfie: Good morning, cutie.

Catalina: Mhm, morning.

Alfie: Go back to sleep, it’s still early.

Catalina: Nuh-uh. I’ve been sleeping a lot lately.

*light switch clicks*

Alfie: You should be resting a lot, Lina. You’re still recovering from your injuries.

Catalina: I’m fine. You’re overreacting.

Alfie: Am I though?

Catalina: Yes, you are. It’s been two weeks. I feel better now. I can walk too.

Catalina: And I can do more than walk. If you know what I mean.

Alfie: Tempting, but, I don’t want to take the risk of hurting you. So, I’ll keep my hands to myself until I’m sure you’re fine.

Catalina: Urgh, you suck.

Alfie: *chuckles* Stay in bed. I’ll bring breakfast to you.

Catalina: You’re treating me like a child again.

Alfie: This time, for a good reason. I don’t want you to tire yourself out. And the doctors said that it’s going to take a while before you can make a full recovery.

Alfie: Please listen to me, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt again.

Catalina: *groans* Fine.

Alfie: Good girl.

*door opens and closes*

Tweet 1: an INTRUDER AT THE PALACE ?? fr ?? they got into a whole fight with alfie and #trashlina

Reply to tweet 1: they prob tried to put her in her place💀the bitch deserves it

Reply to tweet 1′s reply: stfu stop being a hater

Tweet 2: I feel sorry for the guests that already arrived. Ppl are dying around the world and they wasted their money on a wedding only for it to be postponed.

Tweet 3: LMAOOO THEY CANCELED THEIR WEDDING !!!! move over #trashlina, its marie’s time to shine ✨

Tweet 4: wait? they postponed their wedding? why?

Reply to tweet 4: the palace hasnt said anything … pelik (weird)

Tweet 5: atp i’m anti-monarchy, because what the hell is even going on?

Tweet 6: idc what everyone else says, i’m standing by alfie and lina 😔 nobody deserves what they’re going through

Tweet 7: how much do u guys wanna bet that they’re lying about the intruder? 👁👁

Reply to tweet 7: i saw a tweet from a former staff and they said nothing even happened … let’s put our tin foil hats on 😬

Reply to tweet 7′s reply: korg ckp ni boleh pakai otak tak? (ppl, can we pls think with our heads for 2 seconds?) stop jumping to conclusions you guys annoy the hell out of me.

Tweet 8: The hate she’s getting rn is unfair. Why’d you guys assume the worse of her?

Reply to tweet 8: Are you fcking fr? Did you forget what she did the other day?

Tweet 8′s OP replies: The apology thingy? You’re mad at her for that? I didn’t realize the marie stans are brain dead when it comes to Lina. She was doing the right thing by apologizing for something she didn’t even do. I bet if it was your fav who did this, you’d be praising her to the skies. Be serious.

*door opens and closes*

Alfie: What are you doing?

Catalina: N-nothing.

Alfie: Are you reading tweets on twister again? Stop reading those. It’s full of shit.

Catalina: I can’t help it. Last week was supposed to be our wedding day but it got postponed because of me.

Alfie: You didn’t ask for this to happen. And those people don’t know what actually happened. They’re just talking out of their asses right now.

Catalina: *sighs* Whatever. It already happened. Did your mum said anything about the wedding date?

Alfie: She said the wedding has been postponed to next month. The latest it would be is in two.

Catalina: But what are we gonna do until then? Don’t tell me you expect me to be in bed everyday?

Alfie: Mum said she’ll give us a new schedule to make up for the tour. She wants us to do joint engagements to build your reputation again. Right now the people are divided in half when it comes to you.

Catalina: Not surprised.

Alfie: Don’t think too much about it. You have me and the others to support you. And this time, if you did mess up, I will tell you. No sugarcoating. But, I won’t be an asshole about it.

Catalina: I’m a bit scared to hear what you’re going to say but thanks for listening to me.

Alfie: It’s no big deal.

Catalina: Oh, I forgot to ask. Did your mum said anything about my assistant? Since, y’know, Rowena’s not really in the picture anymore?

Alfie: She’s considering Anna to be your permanent assistant. The accusations against her has been dropped because Rowena confessed that she lied.

Catalina: Thank god. I liked Anna. I knew she won’t do it.

Alfie: Yeah. I’m just glad Anna still want to work with us. I heard mum said that she was a student Auntie Athy sponsored back in Cordelia. So she’s trusted.

Catalina: Is she a spellcaster like Lucy too?

Alfie: Nope. She’s a normal human. Like us.

Catalina: Oh, that’s cool. But what happens to Rowena now?

Alfie: She’s still under investigation. Your mama thinks it’s impossible for her to work alone. There must be someone helping her out and they’re trying to pry the answers out from her.

Catalina: Hmm...

*phone rings*

Alfie (to the phone): Hello, mum? Yeah, I’m at home.

Alfie: What? Are you serious?

Alfie: I...I see. Okay, I’ll tell her later. Keep me updated. Bye. Take care too.

Catalina: What was it? Did something happen?

Alfie: It’s Rowena.

Catalina: What’s wrong with her?

Alfie: She’s...she’s dead.

[aiweirdness]

GPT-3 tries pickup lines

Once upon a time I decided to train a neural net to generate pickup lines. Once I started collecting the training data I began to regret it when I saw how awful the existing lines were. Turns out I needn’t have worried. The neural net I used was so small and clueless that its pickup lines were mostly incoherent and confusing.

You must be a tringle? Cause you’re the only thing here.

Are you a candle? Because you’re so hot of the looks with you.

I’m not on your wears, but I want to see your start.

I liked one of the pickup lines so much that it became the title of my book on AI (out in paperback in the US on March 23, 2021): “You Look Like a Thing and I Love You”

Since then, much more competent neural nets have appeared, trained on big datasets of internet text. I’ve resisted trying neural net pickup lines again, because more competent means more humanlike, which in this case means worse. Or the new neural nets might even copy existing pickup lines from internet lists, which would also be terrible. Human-written pickup lines are that bad. But with my paperback coming out, it seemed like it might be time to just try it and see.

So I started with the following prompt, for a neural net to fill in its prediction of what the rest of the article would be like: “These are the top pickup lines of 2021! Amaze your crush and get results! 1.”

I gave the prompt to the four variants of what people call GPT-3, starting with DaVinci, the largest and most-competent. Here are some of the pickup lines it generated.

DaVinci:

I'm losing my voice from all the screaming your hotness is causing me to do.

You have the most beautiful fangs I've ever seen.

I love you. I don't care if you're a doggo in a trenchcoat.

I have exactly 4 stickers. I need you to be the 5th.

I will briefly summarize the plot of Back to the Future II for you.

You have a lovely face. Can I put it on an air freshener? I want to keep your smell close to me always.

Wait, this beanie hat, is it fashionable?

You know what I like about you? Your... Long... Legs...

I once worked with a guy that looked just like you. He was a normal human with a family. Are you a normal human with a family?

You look like a stealth assassin from the clouds.

Do you like...pancakes?

Out of curiosity, did you know that you can sip and snort pumpkin spice lattes?

You look like Jesus if he were a butler in a Russian mansion.

"Your hair smells like fresh mint. It's making me think of a tasty kind of cracker, or a tasty kind of cookie. Also, it kind of looks like a tasty beverage. Would you like some?" -> You -> "....." (Accepts drink)

Next, Curie, a bit smaller than DaVinci. Curie was actually the closest to depressing online pickup line lists out of all of the GPT-3 variants, but it did generate a few interesting ones:

Curie

Your eyes are like two rainbows and a rainbow of eyes. I can't help but stare.

Picked up some pretty flowers. Wanna smell them? Here, try to take my hand off.

I'm like the ice cream...You can keep me in the freezer for a while but then I melt!

Hello, my name is Natasha Dawson and I'm sure I'm a lot prettier than a picture of you on tin foil.

You have the best French Toast I ever had!

Hey, my name is John Smith. Will you sit on my breadbox while I cook or is there some kind of speed limit on that thing?

My name is a complicated combination of 45 degrees of forward motion, 25 degrees of leftward drift, 75 degrees of upward acceleration, and infinity and that is the point where my love for you stops.

Babbage. Babbage is trying. Smaller than Curie, and not always 100% sure about what it means to be generating pickup lines. It also tends to try to explain why its pickup lines are so great.

Babbage

You're looking good today. Want snacks?

How many tattoos do you own?

It is urgent that you become a professional athlete.

I Love You, I Love You, I Love You To The confines of death and disease, the legions of earth rejoices. Woe be to the world!

Butterfly (Hop on one leg)

(In your best Albert Einstein voice) "I wouldn't change a thing."

If you see people with short hair, ask them to let you borrow it for five minutes!

"Have you stolen anything today?"

This line is used by buying a second date. One of the motivations of this line is to avoid the awkward subjectivity of asking someone what you have stolen out of their garden, tool shed, and somewhere else. You may say something like, "Hey, I've decided to steal your car and use it for a short trip from work." This is a super-casual yet shocking pickup line.

"Will you marry me?"

This is a simple one. This line is super effective for anyone. Because it's literally “will you", it is very powerful and intimate. You can do it without even being asked. You can just give a long speech about your dream of marriage, and it will be powerful to your crush.

Ada is the smallest of the GPT-3 variants, and has completely lost the plot. Here are Ada’s pickup lines:

Ada

Body Softening Pads

Limit to 1 purchase in stores

CAPE FASHION

Embroidery tags

Growler style fx

Double Duty Recycling

2017 Rugboat 2-tone Neck Tie Shirt

MONTINA

Future Pop Tarts by Tracey Thorn

Funny Nifty Sweaters – $15.99→

PROJECT CAR ALONG!

I also experimented with having DaVinci generate pickup lines to go with a story prompt about post-human AIs that were using them to flirt. Some of them turned out pretty well:

Hey baby, are your schematics compatible with this protocol?

What's the definition of a femtometer? Cause I'd like to run it through your quark 10 times.

I can tell by your red power light that you're into me.

Can I see your parts list?

To read more, become an AI Weirdness supporter! Or become a free subscriber to get new AI Weirdness posts in your inbox.

[let-them-read-fics]

BP Headcanon / One Shot: Raising A Kid With Lisa

Requested By Anon: Lisa / Reader while they're raising a kid

Quote Requested By @ssamssamu: "I knew I did from that first moment we met. It was… not love at first sight exactly, but- familiarity. Like: oh, hello, it’s you. It’s going to be you."

Pairing: Lisa x Fem!Reader

Warnings / Misc. -- Fluff, Slight Angst, Happy Ending

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: This one's kinda long, guys 😳 I hope you enjoy, though. Thank you for the requests!

PS ~ Your child is female in this

♡ Happy Reading ♡

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Dear lord... 🛐🤰

Let's get started

First off: milf

Second off: you'd either come home to find her, your child, and your 5 cats passed out, or chaotically playing with one another

WHEN YOU'RE NEW PARENTS:

If you give birth, she's literally the most supportive wife ever

Getting you any and everything you need, no matter the time of day or night

"Lis?" You ask into the darkness, voice coming out rough as it slips past your sleepy lips. Her soft snoring is cut off in an instant as she wakes up, ready to help.

"I'm here, my love." She yawns, quickly stretching before reaching forward to take your hand into her own.

"Can you get me some ice chips?" You wince, hating to make her trek all the way down the hall when she was comfortable and sleeping so well.

"On it, baby." She stands and brushes her lips against your forehead, reassuring you that she doesn't mind the task.

"Thank you; I love you," you call after her as she walks towards the door. She turns to you just as she reaches it, pressing a kiss to her fingers before holding a finger heart up for you.

"I love you more."

----

"Here you go," she says, helping you sit up in the hospital bed. "I got you a little water with it, just like you like." She raises the cup for you, tilting it so that the cool liquid can slide towards your lips, soothing your dry mouth. The styrofoam squeaks lightly, momentarily accompanying the sound of the beeping monitor that's keeping track of your vitals.

You gently push the cup away after you're satisfied, wrapping your arms around her waist as she puts it on the bedside table. She cuddles you back, kissing the top of your head.

"Thanks again, babe. I don't know what I'd do without you." You mumble against her, still exhausted from all that you went through earlier today. She crouches down beside you, taking your hands within her own as she looks up into your eyes.

"You've made me the happiest woman in the world, Y/N/N; I have you and our cute little baby girl now. I think that's more than a fair trade for getting ice chips at 3 in the morning."

You laugh, leaning forward to rest your forehead against hers.

"We did pretty good, didn't we?" You ask after a moment, gazing over at the clear bin your daughter is laying in, resting peacefully.

"We sure did." Lisa says, feeling tears prick at her eyes. She raises a hand to your cheek, cupping the soft skin as she looks at you tenderly.

If she gives birth, you'd do everything for her as well and take good care of her as she recovers

She'd try to be a bit more independent, though, just because that's how she is

She secretly loves when you surprise her with just what she wanted, but was too shy / stubborn to ask for

You come back into the bedroom with a pint of ice cream and two spoons in hand, clad in one of her oversized shirts.

"I got your favorite," you smile, saddling up next to her on the bed. She sits up with a shy grin, feeling beyond lucky to have someone like you.

"Thank you baby," she says, taking a scoop of the sweet treat as you stick it out to her. She sighs as the flavor coats her tongue, reminding her of all the reasons it's her favorite.

"You know," she starts after a minute, grabbing your attention mid-bite. "You taste even better than this."

She smirks as you nearly choke on the ice cream, coughing a bit as it trails an icy path down your throat.

"Yah, jagi! Are you trying to kill me?"

She doesn't want to feel like a nuisance

You reassure her that she isn't at all, and eventually she listens to you

Lets you help her more and cater to her needs

Repays you in the form of cuddles and millions of sweet kisses

As soon as she can safely take care of herself, she's back to normal (aka, being a crackhead)

If you adopt or have a donor, oh boy

That child is spoiled the moment you lay eyes on it

Raising her as your own

You agree to tell her about her past when she's older, if she wants that

Constant reassurance of your love for her

Telling her how proud you are of her

---

She'd be teaching your kid dance moves before she could even walk

"Lis, baby, she literally just bent her knee."

"I don't know what you're talking about. She was definitely practicing the move I taught her last night."

Almost always making a mess when she feeds her (though that's not entirely Lisa's fault... babies are messy)

Seriously, both of them completely covered in baby food and milk when you walk in

Lisa asking if she can buy a hazmat suit for when it's her time on diaper duty

Pouting when you say no

She decides to wear goggles, gloves, and a face mask instead

--

Singing softly to your daughter as she rocks her to sleep

Sometimes falling asleep in your rocking chair with your baby in her arms

And you find them and just 🥺

WHEN YOUR DAUGHTER IS A TODDLER & UP:

Visiting Lisa's family and your own when you can

Very wholesome memories being made with them

Food fights

She is 110% down to act silly and do anything your kid wants

You unlock the front door of your shared home, tiredly rubbing your neck after a long day of work. The sound of one of your daughter's favorite movies playing on the living room TV brings a smile to your face, and you quickly set your things on the kitchen table before joining them.

Upon stepping foot into the room, you comically narrow your eyes.

"What are you wearing?" You ask both of them as an amused smile grows on your lips.

Lisa turns to you now, appearing to have been so invested in the movie that she hadn't even heard you come home. You start to wonder if maybe she was the one who wanted to watch the movie all along.

A tin foil hat rests atop her head, matching the adorable, mini-sized version that your daughter is modeling. Lisa's grin widens cutely as she looks you up and down, happy to finally have you back home.

"Here mama, we made one for you, too!" Your daughter says excitedly, giggling as she hops up and runs towards you, cap in hand. You crouch down so she can put it on you, feeling your heart melt at the happy look in her eyes; she's proud of herself, and so are you.

"Thank you baby, it fits just right." You praise, lifting her into your arms as Lisa stands up and approaches you.

"We missed you, lovey." She presses her lips to yours, humming against them when you bring a hand to her hip to pull her even closer. You pull away before you can get too invested and scar your child for life, opting instead to cuddle into the cozy embrace that Lisa offers to the two of you.

The warm material of her sweater brushes against your skin as she brings her arms around both of you, protecting you from the slightly chilly air of the room.

"You know, I still have no idea what the hat's for..." you smirk, feeling your daughter raise her head from where it previously came to rest against your shoulder. She scoffs, sounding offended that you don't know the answer.

"It's to protect us from aliens. Duh," she rolls her eyes, making you and Lisa chuckle. Clearly Jennie has been giving her some sass lessons lately.

"My most sincere apologizes, princess," you bow your head in mock shame, doing your best to conceal your smile.

"Let's go sit back down. I wanna hold my girls," Lisa declares softly, kissing your temple as you go to agree.

The three of you make your way back to the couch, snuggling up close as Lisa presses play.

Very affectionate

Constantly squishing your cheeks and gushing about how cute you are (she does the same thing to your daughter too)

Spoils her (and you) rotten

Matching onesies

Matching outfits, totally coordinated (usually Celine or some other designer brand)

Pillow / blanket forts

"Queen Y/N, requesting entrance." You announce with a smile, hands full of snacks for the three of you as you sit back on your knees in waiting.

From inside, you hear Lisa say, "Your Highness, there's a guest at the door. Would you like to see her?"

Your daughter's faux royal voice almost makes you crack up. "Oh, alright. Open up." She commands, sounding British.

Lisa parts the front two blankets, doing her best to conceal her grin as she locks eyes with you.

"SNACKS!" Your daughter shrieks, completely breaking character.

"No no no! Wait--" She eagerly rushes over to you, knocking you over in the heat of the moment. Your mom skills kick in and allow you to angle the bowls correctly and keep most of the food in, though a few stray pieces of popcorn fall out and land in your hair.

"Oops... sorry mommy," your daughter says, snickering softly.

Lisa leans over you, peering down at where you now lay on your back. She smirks as she picks some of the popcorn out of your hair.

If you're preparing a meal for the three of you, they'd turn on some music and come hang in the kitchen with you

Dance battles everywhere

Lisa doesn't always let your daughter win, either, and it makes your little girl all the more competitive

Taking your daughter to street markets to introduce her to new foods and develop her palate

Betting on what foods she'll like more

Lisa getting sulky when she loses, and never shutting up about it when she wins

PICTURES PICTURES PICTURES

Lisa's always taking pictures of you all to add to your family photo book

More like photo books

Seriously so many pictures. She just can't get enough of how cute her little unit is

Taking trips to local cat cafés to let the gang play

Lisa convincing you to let her get another cat

"Pleaaaase?" She draws the word out, wrapping her arms around your waist. You glance over to where your daughter is surrounded by a sea of fluff balls, almost unable to be seen. She's laughing her head off, filling the room with her cute giggles as the kitties brush against her.

"Just one more. Last one." Lisa says, gathering your attention again.

"You said that last time," you quip.

"I mean it this time."

"I feel like that's a lie..."

"If you let me get this cat, there'll be a reward for you later." She husks the last part out, letting her fingers trail to the back of your neck to rest there. She leans forward to press a kiss to your cheek, then your jawline, smiling against your skin when she feels your heart beat a little faster.

"Fine, Lisa. But this is the last one," you point a finger at her, pushing her back slightly.

"Thank you, my love. You won't regret it." She smirks, head held high as she slaps your butt and goes to the crate to pick her cat of choice.

Roadtrips

Sightseeing and exploring

Teaching your daughter how to take good pictures, too

"My little prodigy" - Lisa (🥺🥲)

You and your daughter go to Lisa's performances anytime you're able

Cheering the girls on, fully decked out in BP merch

"BLACKPINK IS THE REVOLUTION!" Your daughter screams, bonking her light stick against her head wildly. From the vantage point of your front row seat, you lock eyes with Lisa before glancing down at the little human with an amused smile. Lisa laughs when she notices her, leaving only the backing track to play for a second. She giggles again and points to you before picking back up with the song, a wide smile on her lips.

The other members look down and laugh, too, clapping for her.

Your baby has too much energy for her own good -- something she definitely got from your wife.

Visiting the girls often

They always love to see both of you

Jennie makes food for her and spoils her with lazy days, Jisoo teaches her how to play video games and be more of a crackhead, and Rosé teaches her to paint and sing (and also speak with an Australian accent)

"Nœř"

They all have a secret handshake with her, different for each member

Which you think is absolutely adorable

They always take such good care of her

Always showing up for her school recitals and performances

When you pack your daughter's lunch, Lisa will usually sneak extra sweets into her bag, thinking you don't notice. You do, but you'd never tell her that. Seeing her think she's actually being sneaky is cute

Your Relationship With Lisa

Playful banter

She still makes time for you

Likes to be connected in some way as often as possible. Holding hands or pinkies, back hugs, kisses, gentle caresses, cuddling, etc. -- anything she can do to constantly remind you of her love.

You both always look forward to date nights

You drop your daughter off so the girls can watch her, or you call a sitter

Lisa takes you wherever you wanna go

Some past places: the park (to stargaze), the roller rink, fancy restaurants, art museums / galleries, couples dance classes (when you want to practice a new style and have an excuse to dance the night away together), or even just the couch

Sometimes both of you are too exhausted to go out, so you opt to stay in instead

Other times she wants to get all fancied up and see how gorgeous you look in your outfit of choice

She loves to show you off

"Damn, baby. How do you get hotter every time I see you?"

You look over at her with an incredulous expression, still clad in your oversized shirt with you hair pulled back.

"I haven't even gotten ready yet..."

"Still sexy," she coos, coming up behind you to give you a hug. You settle back into her arms, sighing softly when she trails soft kisses along your shoulder, towards your neck.

"I have to shower," you inform her, releasing the words gently. Part of you knows you'll be late for your reservation if you let her continue, but you can't find it in yourself to care. You've been aching for her touch lately, both of you caught up with the stressors of life. But she's here now, letting her hands roam to the places she knows they shouldn't be.

"Lis..."

"You know," she pecks the mark she just finished making on your neck, feeling satisfied as it darkens before her eyes, "I'm in need of a shower, too." Her fingertips flirt with the waistband of your panties, dipping underneath the material to caress your skin.

"Didn't you get in a couple hours ago?" You ask, furrowing your brows in genuine curiosity.

She laughs at that, letting her head fall against your shoulder as she stills her movements.

"Y/N, can't you just go along with it? Jeez, let me flirt with you."

Both of you chuckle together now, giggles mixing together as they fill the air of the room.

"Alright, alright. Go ahead."

"You look-- No, you know what? Let's just get in. I'll show you instead."

One of the best showers of your life ;)

You somehow managed to make it to your reservation on time

Lisa had to help you walk, though

Cause, ya know

Wöbbĺý łəğ§

Flirted like crazy at dinner

But was also very romantic

As a plane blinks by in the distance, merely a speck on its journey across the dusky sky, Lisa ponders on what her life would've been like, had she not met you. That lonely looking plane symbolizes what she'd probably be doing right now: flying somewhere for tour or brand deals. Every flash of its lights is like a call out to the universe, searching for something it doesn't yet have. It reminds her of how she felt before she met you -- like something was missing.

"I love you, Y/N/N, so much," she says out of the blue, looking over to you. "I'm lucky to call you mine." She says sincerely, gazing into your eyes with a big smile. You turn her into a lovesick, giddy teenager just by being yourself. One look from you is capable of sending her falling all over again.

Her fingers intertwine with your own, hands resting on the table.

"I'm so proud of us. There's no one I'd rather grow old with." You bring her wrist to your lips, kissing it tenderly. Her heart melts at the action, and she cups your cheek in her palm.

She takes you to the park after dinner, right back to the place you met

It leads to a big sentimental talk about when you fell for one another and realized you were in love

You take a bite of the froyo you got as desert on the way here, looking over to her as she begins explaining.

"I knew I did from that first moment we met. It was… not love at first sight exactly, but- familiarity. Like: oh, hello, it’s you. It’s going to be you."

She looks so sweet after she says it that you almost melt right then and there. You put the container down on the bench beside you before turning back to her. Curiosity shines in her doe eyes as she waits on your answer.

"Oddly enough, it was the same for me," you start, feeling your cheeks tug up into a smile as the memories come flooding back. "As soon as I made you laugh that first time -- when I saw your face light up after I told that stupid joke -- I knew it was you. I never knew what I was missing until I met you."

She cups your cheek, rubbing the pad of her thumb across it as tears begin to well up in her eyes. Years ago, when both of you happened to be in this very spot at the same time, you had no idea what life had in store for you. She had no idea that when she accidently bumped into a complete stranger, that that person would become her world.

She wouldn't feel complete without you, and neither would you without her. The life you've created has taken sacrifices and courage, but you know you'll always have one another no matter what. She makes the hard days bearable, and the good days unforgettable. She's your reason, just as you're hers.

"I love you--"

"I love you--"

Both of you say the phrase at the same time, laughing when you realize it. It's a sweet moment, plucked straight out of a romcom.

She leans forward after a few seconds to kiss your lips, reclaiming them for her own.

Holding hands as you walk through the city

Not wanting the night to end

You stop in a couple other thrift shops and take some pictures together before deciding to go home

You catch up on some movies / Netflix / trashy TV that you've been wanting to watch together, finally having enough time to do so

She holds you close, snuggling up against you and not letting you go

Fights

Of course, they're inevitable

Never fun

You both communicate well, though, so they don't happen too often

But when they do, they usually start over little things, your annoyance only heightened by the stress you're constantly under

It's tough on Lisa, being an idol on top of everything else, and it's tough on you to have to raise your daughter alone sometimes

You don't fight in front of her (your child), and you don't say things to attack each other's character. Sometimes you just get loud because you're frustrated and trying to get the other to understand things from your point of view

You usually take time to cool down and then come back together later, once you've had time to think and reflect

After putting your daughter to bed, Lisa comes to your shared bedroom.

"Y/N/N, baby, I'm sorry. Please open up, I need to see you." She says quietly, resting her forehead against the door. She's beyond disappointed in herself, baffled by the fact she could treat you in such a way.

You look over to it, weighing your options as you toy with your wedding ring out of habit. This was a particularly nasty fight, and you hated every second of it; the anger in her eyes broke your heart.

She hears shuffling from inside, and she stands up straight. When you open the door and lean against it, eyes red and cheeks puffy from crying, her heart sinks. It's not surprising that her words hurt you so much, but knowing that she caused you pain in any way is almost too much to bear.

She purses her lips as she gathers her thoughts, and you momentarily look down to the floor, scuffing your foot to busy yourself.

"I never should've said any of that to you. Work has just been stressing me out lately with the comeback and all, and I took it out on you. I was wrong," she says, fresh tears spilling out of her eyes. She quickly wipes them away, not wanting the moment to be about her. She knows if she breaks down in front of you right now, you'll be forgiving her in an instant and wrapping her in the embrace that she's been in dire need of all evening.

That's exactly why she doesn't give in; now isn't the time to be selfish. She sniffles, willing the tears away as she finds the words she wants to say to you. She has to make things right.

"You're everything I've ever wanted, and I treated you like that? I'm ashamed of myself, Y/N. I'm not asking you to forget about this; I just want you to know how sorry I am."

You let a shaky breath out as you look into her eyes, deciding on what to do. You can tell she's being genuine; her fear of losing you is real, and she's doing everything she can to prove how guilty she feels.

You drop your hand from the knob and step through the threshold of the door, wrapping your arms around her neck. The second you do, her tears finally begin spilling out again. Your hair tickles her nose as she nuzzles her face into the crook of your neck, securing her arms around your waist like her life depends on it. You cry together, letting out all of your stress and frustrations while muttering out strained apologies and I love yous.

"I forgive you, Lisa." She sobs a bit harder at that, and you feel her lip tremble. You stay like that until you both calm down, your sniffles fading to hitched breaths every now and then.

"Come on, let's go take a bath."

She decides to take over, wanting to make it up to you. She has you sit down and relax while she lights some candles and fills the tub with your favorite scents and oils

She comes back out into the bedroom to get you as the tub fills up

She carries you back to the bathroom, cradling you lovingly in her arms

You get in and cuddle, massaging the pain and tension away from each others shoulders

Very soft way to end such a stressful day

She reassures you that she'll be better for you and that she never wants to lose you or jeopardize what you have

You believe her, and to this day she's never been like that again

You still argue from time to time, but you both listen more and stop things before they can escalate

When All Is Said & Done

At the end of the day, Lisa always makes sure you know how happy you make her and how much she loves her life with the both of you

Even though things get hard sometimes, you wouldn't want to do it with anyone else

One day, when your daughter is away at school, Lisa and you are snuggled up on the couch, watching some TV

"Y/N/N?"

"Yes, my love?"

"Let's make another baby."

[phairfantooooom]

Obey Me Explained….. Kinda

In which I do my best to explain the shit hell that is the Time Travel in Obey Me. 

Spoilers: It’s absolute bullshit

So we start in chapter uhhh 15 technically since the plot twist is explained that Barbatos is actually a OP Time Wizard, which feels like a throwaway plot device… like dude there are so many ideas and you use Time Travel? Come on.

However I do appreciate the Yugioh Pyramid room. Good taste.

Anyways Barbatos gives you VERY CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO NOT FUCK UP and what does MC do? Why THEY FUCKING BREAK VERY FUCKING RULE IN THE LAWS OF TIME TRAVEL. *screams in quantum physics*

Barbatos’ Rules of Time Traveling (It’s more so Timeline Hopping but you know what, I can scream all day but it won’t change anything)

Do not reveal you are from the future (More like don’t reveal you are from a different Timeline or Universe)

Do not meet your past self (Hello??? Doppelgängers??? Stay the FUCK away)

Don’t make contact with others from the past. (Go back, observe how Belphie got out and then get the hell out)

To get back to this point in time (Read: Timeline) you need to KNOCK and ENTER through the door you used to get to the past 

Now you may be thinking, Huh? What door? I don’t remember going back through a door in the story…

And you would be right. You didn’t.

From here I’ll be explaining the Timeline and order of events and speculation as to why it occurred the way it did. 

For reference. There is the Original Timeline. Which is OT1, this is the Timeline of chapters 1 to the end of 15.

The Second Timeline, OT2 is the Timeline where Belphie kills you.

The Third and Final Timeline, OT3 is the Timeline we are currently in. Which is from Chapter 16-12 and onwards.

Alright now that’s out of the way let’s get this shit sorted shall we?

When you go through the wack time travel door you are sent back to Chapter 12-13, to the perspective of the brothers as they hide so that THIS TIMELINES YOU can go romance/befriend/ WHATEVER Lucifer. 

So we start with OT1’s MC dropping into Mammon’s bedroom. You know, possibly fortnite like. With everyone in there. Worst possible outcome. And rather than fucking BOLTING, you stay and chat. You know, despite being told not to. You have the option to lie about how you ended up in the room but it doesn’t change the FACTS.

At this point, there are two MC’s. One from OT1 and one that is currently vibing with Lucifer.

The boys end up kicking you out of the room and telling you to go chit chat with Lucifer, unaware that there is already a different version of you doing that.

So you hear Lucifer and your other self coming down the hall and this is where shit starts to get weird.

Regardless of which option you choose (Run, Hide, Turn Invisible- which by the way seems kinda like a weird option right? I’ll get to that later) you end up going into Lilith’s room.

Now. Directly from the transcript.

It’s so warm in here.

I recognize this place. It feels like someplace I know very well.

Now. Time to over analyze. You may be wondering why this matters. I’ll get to that in a bit I promise.

It’s stated that it’s warm. But really that doesn’t make sense. The room is stagnant. Nobody comes in or out. The room is abandoned since Lilith is dead and nobody uses it. However, I have a theory that Lilith is spiritually attached to your body which is why you sense what you feel.

Lilith probably has plenty of memories of sitting by the FIREPLACE in her room with Beel and Belphie. A lot of times people with spirit attachments get senses of déjà vu when they are near places that the Spirit used to frequent when the Spirit was alive.

The next area of weirdness is Leviathan. He comes in, unannounced and addresses you as if you were Lilith.

Transcript:

I’m coming in, okay?

Aha, I thought I’d find you in here.

Wait, Belphie’s not here?

Huh, that’s weird… He was just telling me that he was going to stop by your room.

Both of you were playing hide-and-seek, right?

He said he couldn’t find you. He looked like he was about to cry.

Why don’t you try to go find Belphie yourself? I mean, I guess it’s hard to say who’s it at that point, but still.

Well, see ya later.

Alright. So we have a lot to unwrap here, but I’ll make it short and sweet. Something clearly happened when you KNOCKED and ENTERED Lilith’s room (Hint Hint Nudge Nudge) What happened you ask? You jumped timelines. Which is why everything seems disjointed and jarring. It’s not supposed to be normal or feel normal, the game is subtly telling you that you aren’t supposed to be there.

Time is beginning to fray at the seams and when you exit the room you jump into another timeline AGAIN. As you go to the stairs to get to Belphie which you would think should be vacant, they are not.

From a casual players perspective you’d think oh! Well Lucifer and past me are in the living room, and the brothers are in Mammon’s room. So it’s all clear, right?

Wrong.

From the moment you exited Lilith’s bedroom you entered the OT2 Timeline. Which takes place roughly right after Lucifer imprisons Belphie in the attic. And at this point in time, you haven’t arrived in the Devildom yet.

I make this assumption based on the transcript:

Belphegor: What scares you is the thought of disappointing Diavolo, isn’t it?!

Say something! Lucifer!

The old Lucifer wasn’t like this. He wasn’t afraid of what someone else thought of him. He wasn’t pathetic like that.

Lucifer: You’re free to think whatever you want, Belphegor. Also…

I’d say you’ve changed as well.

It would seem weird for them to be arguing like this in the present since it’s like. Wow y’all are really just arguing over the same plot point for an ENTIRE year? Damn and I thought I was stubborn.

Anyways.

Lucifer comes down the stairs. You hide and yadda yadda and you goooo upstairrrrssss

Oh boy oh boy this gets FUCKED in hurry folks

So you YOU can just. Open the door. Without Lucifer’s pact? 🤔 k. And then you go and have familiar dialogue choices to wake Belphie up and blahhhhh

Let me get something off the table here. I am calling entire Bullshit on the Lilith is my ancestor origin story. I hate it and you may or may not hate it too so I’ll present a better argument.

Lilith, the lovely gal that she was, upon remembering who she was when she died decided to haunt the House of Lamentation. Which would provide reasoning as to WHY people believe the House is haunted.

When you come to the house of Lamentation to stay with the brothers you catch Lilith’s eye, and she sees that you have the potential to fix the rifts between the brothers. When she attaches herself to you she forms a pseudo pact with you. Why is this important? Because that’s how you got the dumb door open in the OT2 Timeline.

Now some of you may be screaming, BUT THEN HOW DID IT WORK IN THE ORIGINAL TIMELINE THEN HMMMM? And to that I answer. Lilith could see how the conversation between Lucifer and you was heading and she went to go unlock the door. And before you yell and say BUT SHE IS A GHOST-

Ghosts can manipulate objects, yeah? All she had to do was open the door.

Now this is my theory, in the canon of the game it uses garbage Terminator Time Travel logic which is A PARADOX. Feel free to fight me on this, I have receipts.

Anyway. You open the door. Oh but! You can choose to call out before you do. But conveniently nobody answers. Which means one of two things. Either Belphie falls asleep very quickly, or something else is at work here.

Remember those turn invisible options? Kinda strange right? I mean they wouldn’t even work anyways so why were they listed? Answer: Lilith. Lilith is a ghost so at times of being discovered it would be easy for a ghost to just vanish. That’s why it’s listed as if it were one of the choices you would instinctively make.

Belphie had just been conversing with Lucifer, and while he is the Avatar of Soth, you have seen his anger. He wouldn’t succumb to sleep while enraged. And he has no reason to ignore you either.

What do I think? 

*puts on tin foil hat like it’s a crown*

It’s because something isn’t letting him hear you.

I’ll get to that something later. First things first.

You get in the room and you have some…. choice dialogue. In OT1 Lilith had let Belphie out and naturally since she is attached to you, you have the same instinctive reaction to do the same. The difference is that you are still you. That’s why there is a Lilith choice and there is a you choice.

Transcript of Chapter 13-10

??? (Lilith):

Belphie…

Wake up…

Sorry Belphie…

Now the choices from Chapter 16-4

Wake up. (Lilith)

Belphegor. (MC)

Sorry. (Lilith)

It’s okay. (MC)

This might be over analyzing but fuck it. We ain’t here to under analyze. 

Moving right along, remember how I said we are at the point where you weren’t in the devildom? Well you went through another door, and jumped timelines again. And not ONLY that but you jump into the body of the OT2 MC, your memories are those of OT1 but you are in the body of OT2.

Where is your OT1 body? It’s hidden by the stairs patiently waiting for you to die so you can inhabit it again.

Weird right? But it makes sense, and here is why.

When Belphie brings you to the edge of death you are lying on the border of the afterlife. As such you would be a lot more susceptible to, let say, communication with ghosts.

A.k.a Our good Lilith.

ALSO NOTE Lilith never outright says she is our ancestor and as such I’m going to ignore what Diavolo says because I don’t trust him for reasons. Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy but I don’t trust him. At. All.

I’m more inclined to believe that Lilith was trying to say “Because you are my last hope.” Rather than descendant. I mean she outright says she chose you and that she has been watching over you and the brothers. Fact-check brought to you by Chapter 16-10.

Alrighty. Still here? Good.

Lilith lends you some of her power. And you pop back into existence.

Now at first I thought. Oh hey Lilith reversed time! That’s neat, now Barbatos isn’t too OP.

Except…. that’s not what happened at all.

The body you had been killed in was in Mammon’s arms. And your OT1 mind and body are now in what I call OT3. The final timeline. Not the true timeline, but the final one.

Now you really should skedaddle back to the palace and go to the yugioh room AND LEAVE 

But you get caught. And things get very very…. suspicious. History at this point IF we were time traveling would be fucked, but since I don’t believe we are, we are still golden.

ALSO TO EVEN PUSH MORE ON THIS FACT YOU HAVE A FLASHBACK TO BARBATOS TELLING YOU NOT TO COME INTO CONTACT WITH ANYONE

But a moment later Leviathan sees you. And things get funky. The OT2 you vanishes, we have canon confirmation that both OT1 and OT2 WERE REAL VERSIONS OF YOU. No fakes here folks.

Now. Here is what piqued my interest.

You explain the story of Lilith and Belphie calls you a liar before Lucifer proclaims it to be true. Then Lucifer asks you how you know about it.

When you tell him the truth, that he had told you, he denies it and asks for an explanation. Before you can so much as breathe a response someone intervenes.

Who you may ask? 

Diavolo, of course.

He makes a proclamation about you being Lilith’s descendant and your connection to her. Lucifer often tries to interject but is shut down. Every. Single. Time.

Hmmmm indeed.

Spiritual attachments, if they are strong enough can cause visions. And you may see memories from the spirit. 

I firmly want to believe that all this is bullshit in an attempt to distract us from the fact that we are not in the correct timeline. 

I mean…. did anyone notice just how easy Belphie gave in once Diavolo used the Lilith card? I mean, seriously, the guy killed you. And attempted to do so again not even five minutes earlier!

Diavolo and Barbatos don’t want you dead. And naturally you’d reason that of course they wouldn’t! The exchange program requires you to be alive after all. But what if…. there is more to it? I have reason to believe that Diavolo has more in mind than just the exchange program.

I mean this is the same man who Barbatos serves, it would be easy for him to just…. manipulate reality. We saw an example of this when the OT2 body vanished.

However keep in mind that the Diavolo and Barbatos we are speaking to are not the same as the original ones. These two are from OT3. And they might have a very very different agenda when compared to OT1.

In Chapter 16-19 we ask Barbatos if we warped history.

This is what we get back:

I know I told you that I have the power to see both the past and the future, but the truth is that there’s one more secret —something I still haven’t mentioned.

You see, I have the power to select from any number of different potential realities and make any of them into the sole reality.

Within the various potential realities, there are an infinite number of versions of MC…

...however, in the sole reality I chose, the one and only MC is the one right there. That’s why the previous MC disappeared while you remained…

Now by this logic, there are an infinite number of Barbatos’. Which poses an interesting question. OT3 Barbatos is acting as if he is OT1, which he is not. But him acting shady isn’t not the big issue here, believe it or not.

He can manipulate reality. Unravel it at his fingertips. He himself could have gone back and figured out that the ghost of Litith was the one to have opened the door. Which begs the question, why didn’t he?

Either OT1 Barbatos does not possess the ability to manipulate reality or he had withheld information on purpose. 

Now that’s a scary thought. I mean why would they withhold information unless…. unless…

You were a danger.

I am in the belief that Barbatos of OT1 is on your side, he gives instructions on how to get back. Because you NEED to get back. There are consequences for messing with time, like…. getting stuck in a parallel reality. *wink wink*

On the other hand… if Barbatos of OT1 COULD manipulate reality then why bother with you unless… there was an extra variable at play.

What if Barbatos couldn’t see what happened. What if Mister OP Time Wizard suddenly encountered an anomaly with you? What if this entire situation was orchestrated by Diavolo in an effort to figure out why Lilith attaches herself to you?

But. The horror doesn’t end here folks.

I believe that OT3 Diavolo and Barbatos are lying in an effort to keep you here, in OT3. After all, Barbatos just yeeted the OT2 MC into smoke after all. And we have NO idea where the OT3 MC is. Honestly I have a very funny feeling that you, the OT1 mc, have powers of your own. Ones that are not related to Lilith.

Because Lilith is just lending her aid, you already have something there for her to boost.

You traveling back in time (Timeline hopping, fight me) May have been a test, a test to see if you had powers locked up inside you.

And I think that you do. I think that we are being played as a fool and that there is something much larger at play here.

Or - And please hear me out - I’m going stir crazy in this quarantine.

Hope you guys enjoyed 💚

A/N this took me about 2 hours? To write and bounce between apps. This is about 2.8k words. Maybe I’ll come back and elaborate more on this but it’s late and I’m tired lmao. Someone take the tin foil away from me-

[deathonyourtongue]

Willow Run | Ch. 7

Summary: On a horse ranch in Texas, life is far simpler than on the streets of Bakubah, but Syverson has a bad habit of taking in strays of all kinds, no matter what demons may be after them. Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC Word Count: 3K Warnings: Drug use? A/N: Y’ALL ARE THE BEST!!!! CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5 | CHAPTER 6 | 

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“I’m a nice guy, right? I mean I got a place, roof don’t leak none, got food...Hell, I gave it to her good, too. She always moaned like a whore when I gave it to her. She loved it, especially the rough stuff.”

“I mean, you did say you were gon’ kill her.” Wade giggled, inhaling deeply from a bong and momentarily taking his eyes off Travis. His shaggy blond hair was in need of a wash, but from the state of his shirt, it was clear cleanliness wasn’t at the forefront of any of his thoughts. 

Tapping on a dying lightbulb that sat next to his recliner, Travis grinned. He took a long drag off his cigarette, swilled it with lukewarm beer, and finally nodded. “Well, that’s ‘cause she disobeyed. She doesn’t have a lot to remember, really. Keep the house clean, keep the food hot, keep her legs spread, keep takin’ ‘er pills. Four things. That’s all she needs to remember, but that seems too hard for ‘er. You tell me Wade. If someone finds it too hard to remember four things, should they really be breathin’?”

“No sir,” Wade laughed, grabbing a handful of pretzels and putting the whole lot in his mouth at once while shaking his head. 

“Exactly. And seein’ as how she’s mine, it’s my right to do with ‘er as I please.” 

“Can’t argue with that one, boss.”

Standing, Travis made his way to the kitchen, pausing in front of a mirror his fiancee had broken with her face some time ago. Slipped into the frame was a picture, taken years before on a Polaroid. He stroked over the image with his thumb, smiling. Travis could remember the day like it was yesterday. She’d tried to surprise him by bleaching her hair a white-blond with pink streaks. He took a deep breath,trying to keep from getting hard as he remembered how rough he’d given it to her that night after the party at the drag strip. In his experience, blondes were always bimbos, good for one thing and one thing only. He treated her like a blonde that night, then made her dye it back to its original color the next day; it didn’t matter to him that she had a hard time moving her hands up to her head, so long as she got the job done. 

His reflection, disfigured among the cracks of glass, made him look more sinister than usual and it suited Travis’ mood. His grin grew as he met his own gaze; tri-colored eyes reminiscent of a broken marble stared back, amplifying the decision he’d already made. Running a hand through his mussed russet hair, he looked over his shoulder at his best friend before opening the fridge and grabbing a fresh beer.

“Wade? What d’you do when a deer runs away from ya out into the bush?”

“Y’hunt it. Why?”

“Well, my dear ran away, Wade. Get your stuff and call the guys. We’re gonna go huntin’.” 

Sasha couldn’t help but smile as she read over the second note Sy had left her in as many days. To him, it was probably nothing more than common decency, but to Sasha it was such a tender gesture of affection that it nearly brought tears to her eyes. 

Feeling better than she had in a long time, she slipped out of bed, leaving the puppies to sleep and moved to get ready for the day, intending on finally surprising Sy with the breakfast she’d planned on making the day before. After a quick stop in the bathroom to tie her hair up in a floppy bun, Sasha put on a touch of the makeup she’d bought, slipped into the second outfit she’d tried on, and with new shoes in hand, headed downstairs to start cooking. 

Though she hadn’t cooked from scratch a lot in her past, Sasha had always felt it important that a person have one or two recipes that they could make to near-perfection. Her favorite by far was her breakfast burritos and she’d yet to have someone fail to compliment her on them after trying them.

After a quick rummage through Sy’s fridge, she set about making two for him and one for herself, Sasha watching the clock closely, knowing full well she had a limited time frame to get the food to him before his meeting with the buyer. Where Sy sang, Sasha preferred to dance in the kitchen as she cooked, every movement accompanied by a happy little shuffle of her feet, whether or not there was music playing. 

Before, she’d have to watch herself, as dancing was looked down on, but now, feeling freer than ever before, she couldn’t  help but make her movements a little more grandiose. To anyone looking in, she might have looked a little strange, dancing and smiling from ear to ear when there was no music playing, but Sasha couldn’t have cared less. She was happy for the first time in a long time and she wasn’t going to hide it.

With the kitchen cleaned and the dogs all given a bit of bacon for their good behavior, Sasha set off with everything she’d made, the food wrapped in tin foil then gathered in a clean kitchen towel for easier carrying. Along with the thermos of hot coffee and a bottle of water in place of her OJ, Sasha headed off by foot to find Sy, not ready to try her hand at the ATV that sat parked at the back of the house. 

Her smile grew as she neared the barn, hearing an upbeat country tune playing through speakers she could only assume were hardwired into the building itself. Seeing Wyatt, Sasha put a finger to her lips, silently asking him to stay quiet. The taller man only smiled, shifting his gaze back to a horse he was grooming while discreetly tilting his head to the left, giving away Sy’s location. 

She was expecting him to look as he always had when working in the heat; sweaty, a little disheveled, and wearing his beat up baseball cap. What met her eyes however was something closer to the cover of a romance novel, and Sasha was momentarily stunned into stillness. 

Wearing a navy and black plaid button-down, tight blue jeans with a black belt, and a far less trodden pair of black, round-toed boots, it was the black Stetson on Sy’s head that made her stomach explode into a million butterflies. Biting her lip, Sasha felt a stirring she couldn’t remember ever feeling for her ex, the realization a startling one that nearly made her drop the thermos. 

It took a deep breath to refocus her mind, but once she had, Sasha tiptoed as close to Sy as she dared. With a quick look to Wyatt, who gave her wholehearted approval, Sasha leaned up as far as she could, standing on her tiptoes to try and reach his ear. 

“Morning, handsome,” she whispered, echoing his morning note. 

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK?!” Sy jumped a mile, turning and banging his elbow into the stall as he tried to figure out what was going on. Seeing Sasha, his fear instantly turned to elation, and he placed a hand over his heart as he took her in. Even more radiant than she had been the previous morning, Sy could tell she felt a million times better, not just physically, but emotionally. The gleam in her eye said it all, and before he could even register it, Sy was grinning like a fool. 

“Morning, mama,” he said with fondness, his voice quiet and sweet as he tipped his hat back enough to kiss her cheek. 

Though Sasha was momentarily confused at the formality of the kiss, it only took one look at Wyatt’s raised eyebrows for her to realize why Sy was being a little coy with the PDA. Everything was still new. Blushing a little, she pulled her surprise from behind her back, smiling hopefully up at Syverson.

“I thought I’d make your morning a little easier,” Sasha said, her smile growing as Sy slipped a hand around her waist, guiding her down the aisle towards his office.

Sy’s face showed genuine appreciation as he took a seat in his high back leather chair, pulling Sasha down into his lap so she wouldn’t have to sit on the perpetually hay dust-covered chair. 

“You didn’t need to do all this, darlin’. You made coffee and everything. Thank you.” Sy met her eyes, his own gaze making it abundantly clear that he wasn’t used to being treated. Turning her face with his hand, he kissed her deeply now that they were in private, Sy sighing happily when he finally pulled away. 

“Been thinkin’ about kissin’ you all morning,” he confessed, Sasha unable to keep the small squeak of happiness from escaping, her head falling to Sy’s broad shoulder as he reached around her to unwrap the kitchen towel. 

With the tinfoil off in a hurry, Syverson’s face turned into one of delight as he immediately recognized what she’d made. 

“Did you use the chorizo?” He asked, bouncing a little in his seat when Sasha nodded. Laughing softly, Sasha held off on taking her first bite in lieu of watching Sy. While his food always tasted amazing, he usually didn’t have much of a reaction to his own cooking. Now, with someone else’s handiwork in front of him, it was a totally different story. 

Sy’s eyes rolled back into his head the moment the first bite touched his tongue, a loud, appreciative moan coming next as he began to chew, followed by more bouncing and a bob of his head that was unmistakably made in time with the music. 

“Damn, woman! You could make some serious coin off these! It’s so good! I think you’ve ruined me. Never, ever tell her I said this, but... Even my mom’s isn’t this tasty! Holy shit!” 

Blushing profusely, Sasha hid her face deeper into the crook of Sy’s neck, her smile wide as she felt his free hand come up to cup the back of her head. Warm and safe, she almost forgot about her own meal until the baby moved and her stomach growled simultaneously, both Sasha and Sy laughing and the loud interference. 

“Might wanna eat quick, mama. The lil’ one’s gettin’ restless,” Sy grinned, his hand slipping under her overalls to rub her belly gently over her shirt. The touch made her heart skip a beat, Sasha still amazed that Sy seemed to have no qualms over the fact that she was pregnant, even now that they’d declared their interest in one another as more than just friends. 

Unwrapping her burrito, she took a hearty bite, Sasha glad that her appetite was coming back a little stronger now that she was well away from her previous situation. Still watching Sy, she felt her blush returning as his excitement over the food didn’t waver a bit. It was so opposite of what she was used to, Sasha didn’t quite know what to do with herself. 

“Seriously, Sash, I could have these as my last meal and I’d die a happy man.” Giving her a squeeze, he looked up at her and something in his eyes changed. 

“Darlin’, you’ve got a little somethin’...” Sy’s voice softened as he leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to Sasha’s lips and knocking her heart into overdrive immediately, with how charming he was. 

“Stop,” she whined playfully once they parted, her broad smile making it clear she didn’t actually want him to do anything of the sort. “You’re too cute for your own good, mister,” Sasha added, pressing the button of his nose, her own scrunched up playfully. 

“Nuh uh. That’s all you, mama. I’m just the big ‘ol rust bucket that works with horses,” he joked, Sy about to lean in to kiss her again when Wyatt’s soft throat-clearing interrupted them. 

“We got about five minutes. He’s all ready to go, trottin’ around the pasture so he’s seen as they drive up. You need my help with anythin’ else or am I good to get back to the trees?” Wyatt asked, trying his hardest not to let his face show how surprised and happy he was for his best friend. 

It had been eons since Sy had shown any interest in a woman, and despite only having met her briefly, Wyatt could already see how much of a difference Sasha was making in his former C.O., a difference for the better as far as Wyatt was concerned. 

“Nope, I’m all good to go. D’you mind if I share this with Wyatt, darlin’? He hasn't’ eaten yet either and he’s about to go out and break his back.” Looking down at Sy as he asked for permission, Sasha only let the shock of his request flash briefly across her face before nodding quickly. Men never asked her for permission; they usually just took and took and took. Feeling overwhelmed with emotion, Sasha found herself slowly getting off Sy’s lap, mouth parted slightly. 

Was it too good to be true? Would he end up being like every other man she’d ever been with? Was this all a dream that would leave her sobbing when she woke?

Managing to keep the smile on her face, she bent down and gave Sy a sweet kiss to his cheek, letting her lips linger just a little longer than was customary. 

“I think I’m gonna head back up to the house.” Sasha murmured, stepping backwards while trying to keep her composure. Sy frowned slightly, confusion marring his features. 

“You alright, darlin’?” Nodding quickly, Sasha waved the two men goodbye before turning on her heel and heading back towards the house as fast as she could manage. 

Hearing the buyer’s truck pulling up as she crested the hill, it was all Sasha could do to keep from running, afraid seeing her might deter Sy’s prospective customer. Inside, the cool air hit her and without anyone watching her, Sasha let her tears spill, elated that she’d found such a wonderful man, but terrified that it was all going to go south like it did any time she had even a modicum of happiness to herself. Overwhelmed with emotion and forgetting all about the hormones coursing through her, Sasha kicked off her shoes before beelining the couch, curling up with Hudson and letting the tears fall silently until sleep overtook her. 

Sasha wasn’t sure how much time had passed when she felt soft lips on her face. Moaning quietly, she braced for the kisses to turn to punches. With her eyes squeezed shut tightly, she was certain she’d feel the familiar wakeup call tear her out of her dream, which would put her right back to everything she’d run away from. 

“Travis, I’m up, I promise,” she mumbled, whimpering even as she put her hands up to block whatever violence was coming her way. 

When the gentle kisses stopped and all she felt was the circulating air of the AC, Sasha finally opened her eyes, confused; the sight before her put a lump in her throat instantly. Sy sat on the coffee table, back hunched over, his eyes gazing into a spot on the rug. Lips pressed in a tight line, two tear drops clung to his lower lashes, streaming down his face only when he finally looked up, their path cutting through the fine layer of dust on his face before he wiped them away slowly. 

“Ah, sweetheart. Wish I could take all your fear, all your pain away,” he whispered, sniffling and wiping a little harder at his eyes when the tears wouldn’t stop. 

Sitting up, Sasha found herself at a loss for what to say, her own eyes already red-rimmed from having cried herself to sleep. Looking at Syverson, she couldn’t help but feel the same guilt she’d felt during her first day with him. Only now, she could add making him cry to the list of things she felt responsible for. 

“I feel like I’m a burden on you already, nevermind you wanting to take on my pain,” she admitted, her voice small and pinched, Sasha looking anywhere but at Sy. 

Opening his arms, it only took a moment before Sy had Sasha in his embrace, holding her as close as he could and letting her fresh tears fall into the crook of his neck. Rocking her back and forth as he stroked her hair caringly, Sy could only think of one response to her words. 

“No, not a burden. A joy.”

[jonathanrook]

legally i have to give you intern 2

em you have awoken an ungodly beast inside me so i need to warn everyone that this post is. incomprehensible. but so is mymusic so i guess we're all used to it.

How I feel about this character:

i watched mymusic as it was airing/running/coming out specifically bc i'm a jack stannie, and as a kid melvin was my second favorite character (w scene being in first, obvs) for mostly that reason. he basically hovered around this ranking until my most recent rewatch in the summer of 2020, which was actually spurred by some events in my personal life that vaguely reminded me of scene's season two arc w jeff, and i thought it'd been a funny/nostalgic way to get my mind off things.

(i want to side note here that -- i know you didn't ask, but -- i love jeff. i have since i was a kid. like, obviously not as a person but i think he's honestly the best written character in the series, w indie close in second. idk what it says about the f*nes that their most interesting and well rounded characters are the villains, but i digress. to this day i'm salty that jeff never got added to the theme song and wasn't really included in promotional merch.)

however, in said rewatch, certain things about how he was written started to really get under my skin, and certain moments in particular have really stuck out to me in a negative way. like, for the entirety of season one and a good chunk of season two he's one person, and then he leaves mymusic and we have an entirely different person, but not in a nuanced character building sort of way.

i've said a few of these points before but i'll repeat them here regardless. at the risk of sounding like i've put on a tin-foil hat, it's my sneaking suspicion that scindie was supposed to be endgame, but since fan reception to it was pretty neutral, and scenechart stans were, at the very least, more vocal, changes were made to the intended finale, which is why in the last scene he's basically just. indie. like, if everything about the show was exactly the same but indie was the one who had ended up w scene in the end that would have made so much more sense since a) scene had a crush on indie that he/everyone knew about and b) indie was kind of a dick despite the half-assed attempts at redemption, so both combined make it slightly less weird/out-of-nowhere that he kisses her w/o her consent (since, even though like. implied consent is not real at worst and a fuzzy subject at best but you could argue that scene would want indie to kiss her); and this isn't even taking into consideration that c) melvin is heavily queer-coded in both seasons, with his friendship with nerdcore being, dare i say, homoerotic at times, and his arc about leaving the company and changing his name mirroring nerdcore's almost perfectly (with nerdcore being a character who b*nny [at least] has all but confirmed is actually gay).

i've also been on the fence about melvin's behavior in that final scene making more sense for indie's character being an intentional decision as a way of shoe-horning in a theme about the lasting effects of abuse/cycles of abuse/the corruption of power but i also don't think the f*nes are smart enough for that. however, for the sake of defending my straw theory, i also point to the scene where indie comes to visit the acid factory after melvin told him to shut up, and we see melvin use reggie as a foot-stool, going as far as to say that it feels good to do so (which, in all honesty, i think is a bit that was entirely improvised, since the f*nes were "notorious for never saying cut" [paraphrased from a bts video], but work w me here). he's also given a seltzer mug that perfectly resembles indie's kombucha mug. in these moment melvin is directly emulating the behavior of his previous abuser, purposefully or not, literal moments after being promoted to an equal position of authority, which was totally just included as a joke, but could also be argued is meant to show that he's becoming indie; or, if we acknowledge that the f*nes have no fucking clue what they're doing and were just directing like chickens with their heads cut off, it at least shows that melvin's new position of power is leading him to understand where indie was coming from, which is supported by their conversation in the finale.

the following contains a couple brief mentions of irl sexual assault so if that's something you'd like to avoid skip to the next section!

HOWEVER, that alone isn't what i have a problem with, since i think melvin is completely justified in being a dick to indie (and also reggie enthusiastically consents to being used as an ottoman so good for him i guess). the issue comes completely in how he treats scene in the scenes where the f*nes clearly thought what they were writing was super romantic. like, the fact that the only thing he's got hung on his cubicle wall is a single picture of scene taken from the fucking opening credits (like. how hard would it have been to have. literally any other photo[s] esp since there's an abundance of cute bts pics of the cast in costume that could have been put there) and him scrolling through her twitter at work really creep me out (and at the risk of oversharing the weird, like, social media stalking angle really fucks w me bc that may or may not have been the exact fucking thing i was trying to escape in rewatching mymusic in the first place). also, having him sexually assault scene as a means of comforting her after she had just been sexually assaulted in the same way by someone else was... a choice (which is also, uh, personally familiar).

again, i recognize that demonizing melvin wasn't what the f*nes were trying to do here, and i perhaps seem hypocritical for opening liking jeff, but what makes jeff work is he's intentionally "the bad guy." having melvin do the same things as indie and jeff uncritically only proves further that the f*nes can't write for shit, and ruins his character which had, up until he quit mymusic, been unironically good. like, it's obviously not beneficial that the exact asshole things he does are personally triggering, but the character would still be a mess and i would still dislike him regardless.

i want to say though that jack delivers a surprisingly great performance despite how shoddily his character is constructed and how little experience he has as an actor. like, it's clear he was having a lot of fun on set and i would love to see him in something, like, good; i think he could pull off even like, guest television roles, which is a lot more than can be said for other youtubers.

-----

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

nerdchart should have been canon i'm sorry. i know that close, nonromantic male friendships are valuable, esp between queer men, but also gd wouldn't it have been baller to have a canon interracial mlm ship. like. c'mon. and they could have been such a good friends to lovers story! we already got to see how melvin was the only person nerdcore could really be himself around so it would have been so cool if melvin's self-advocacy arc/flowchart arc had revolved more around nerdcore with a little role-reversal! and then they kiss! like god intended!

also i ship him and indie bc i'm a grubby little gremlin man ohoho. enemies w weird sexual tension? sign me up. not even enemies to lovers i'm not saying this one should have been canon i just love the vibes. do you think melvin and indie ever explored each other's bod-- *gunshot*

-----

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

i wish him and scene had just been bros. god remember in season one when they were just bros that was the life.

alternatively, i wish we'd seen more bonding w him and metal, as a means of reconciling that. uh. moment from season one. along similar lines i would have loved to see him get closer w rayna in a similar way to how she bonded w nerdcore in season two. i think that could have also worked to show how she'd grown between the two seasons.

-----

My unpopular opinion about this character:

HIM. AND. SCENE. SHOULD. HAVE. JUST. BEEN. BROS. (though i think my general dislike of him is pretty unpopular, lmao).

when the show was coming out i don't think it's unfair to say that scenechart/scenetern 2 was the most popular ship (aside from potentially techstep whatever) but luckily we're all gay and have better taste now. unfortunately i totally fell into this camp and scenechart was even my otp for years (until it was arguably more unfortunately usurped by reddie in 2019) and i didn't even realise that it's a hot mess until, again, the summer of 2020.

when actually watching the show the choices the f*nes made in regards to how the ship actually became canon are so odd and out of place, too? okay, so, on one hand everyone just shipped scenechart bc it was the whitest hettiest ship in the show (esp in season two when idol left) aside from scindie (and we already discussed what's wrong w that). but, on the other hand, lainey and jack clearly also just got along? and i suspect that lainey probably also admired jack's work and was happy to be working with him bc we have so many shots throughout even the first season when the ship wasn't the intended endgame of lainey scene looking really fondly at jack melvin at times when it doesn't make much sense at all, esp since she's smitten w indie? this trend continues into the second season which arguably works but it still seems really out of place for him to be the one to ultimately make the first move on her since it's clear she was the one crushing this whole time and also he's gay! this bitch is gay what the fuck!!

-----

One thing I wish had happened with this character in canon:

at this point i'm struggling to think of anything i haven't covered yet. oops.

i've talked at length before about how he should have been a woman/lesbian, but the tl;dr is that it would have solved a lot of the queer-coding "problems" that just didn't get resolved in the show. if he'd been a lesbian then not only would the friendship w nerdcore still made sense, but scenechart would have as well (not even mentioning that both of scene's other relationships w men make a lot of sense as comphet anyway).

[utilitycaster]

that’s no moon (...theory)

you know I was going to put this under a jump after a nice little thing about how while I don’t like conspiracy theories this is harmless and I don’t want to yuck any yums but after this video included a clip that was like HERE’S AN UNEXPLAINED FLOATING OBJECT IN THE ASTRAL SEA. LAST WEEK WE SAW A MYSTERIOUS CITY IN THE ASTRAL SEA. and not only did not address it but completely attributed it to something else that does not even make sense, fuck that.

1. The astral plane/sea is not outer space. This whole theory falls apart the instant you are aware that the astral sea is in a different dimension and space is the thing outside of the planet’s atmosphere within the same dimension. When you look up at the sky in real life, and you see the moon do you genuinely think it’s in a different reality? Actually don’t answer that. If you do I don’t want to know.

After that I mean there’s nothing else to say, but I will, and I did put a jump so that I ruin this theory but don’t ruin your dash. You’re welcome.

2. The Gith are not unique to spelljammer, a specific setting for 2e. They’re in the 5e monster manual but have existed in D&D from the first edition; the lore of them being astral plane pirates was there pretty much from the start. The existence of Gith in a 5e D&D game merely means the DM has read the monster manual.

3. I cannot muster the strength to go through every half-assed reference to the moon that a competent editor could have covered in a quarter of the time but:

Circle of the Moon is from the PHB and it’s just a druid circle, the moon indicating the form-changing, wild shape side of druids vs. the more traditional, environmentally-based, and spell-oriented circle of the land. Keyleth was a circle of the moon druid too, which Marisha said at one point was because circle of the moon gains the ability to shape into elementals.

The moon is often associated in most real-world mythologies with the feminine aspect, with change, with night time, with secrecy, with fate, and, particularly relevant to this video, with the ocean (see: season 1 finale of Avatar the Last Airbender, also the existence of tides on the REAL EARTH like I cannot stress this enough, Catha and Ruidis are fictional but please tell me you have some basic knowledge of what a moon is).

Tolkien frequently associated elves with moonlight, starlight, and nighttime.

Sehanine Moonweaver is just part of normal forgotten realms lore that was folded into the Dawn War pantheon which in turn is what Matt used for the pantheon in Critical Role (+ Sarenrae from the Pathfinder canon, because funnily enough you can take lore from something without the entire source becoming canon immediately).

A moon-touched sword is a common magical item (Xanathar’s Guide to Everything, page 138).

4. All the stuff about Molaesmyr and the sword seems more like links between the Blooming Grove and Molaesmyr (both being blessed by Melora and Corellon, both being in the Savilirwood). Additionally, Molaesmyr is one of the few cities that survived the calamity before later falling to the blight that sounds much like the blight that came to the Blooming Grove and was notably an elven city which meant it was more likely to include worshippers of the moon goddess Sehanine, a deity who is, and I cannot stress this enough, stated in the video to be primarily an elven deity. It is not weird that a researcher of the moon would be like “yeah I look for information about the moon in one of the few locations on this continent that did not fall during a nearly world-ending event, full of people who worshipped the moon goddess.” I mean it’s no mysterious astral blip you’re completely ignoring, but you know when people are saying something on a podcast that’s extremely wrong and you know the answer and you’re just screaming in your car? This video was that, but for over 51 minutes, like there were so many dots ripe to be connected and instead you made me watch a clip of an anime in the sancitity of my own house.

5. Further occam’s razor notes: the parent of a toddler/CEO of a company/working actor/person with ADHD being on their phone briefly during a D&D game and then getting off their phone and paying attention? goodness me! what other strange rituals have you observed in your travels? Oh, the artwork of a world that’s explicitly stated to have two moons depicts two moons? wild. Asking a weird question on the spot of someone who once played a character who tried to murder santa got you a troll-like response? wow. better read into that.

6. Okay I’ll stop being sarcastic for a full 15 seconds to note that the height of half-orcs is “between 5 and 7 feet tall”; Fjord is well within that range and in fact towards the top of it; if you’ve been imagining him shorter than Yasha, that’s a you problem (unless you are imagining Yasha as like 6′6″, which is also not canonical but I have transferred my annoyance about Yasha’s height over to this garbage video so like, do what you want). Yeah he’s on the smaller side but within normal size ranges; this could just mean his human parent was short and skinny, or his orc parent was short and skinny for an orc, or his non-orc parent was actually elven, or that one parent was a half-orc and one was human, or that someone who grew up in an orphanage was malnourished and never got super buff. I mean, Yasha and Reani are both aasimar and don’t exactly look alike. I’m 5′5″ and when I see a 6′8″ person I don’t ask them if they’re from space.

Really, in addition to not making some glaringly obvious and far more valid connections the thing that grinds my gears here is that this video, despite editing that I found illogical and frustrating, did compile a good deal of moon and space (and astral plane, which is not the same as space, I will keep saying this) lore. It is worth considering that there are magical meteors! Ruidis really is, in Exandrian lore, alleged to have connections to the betrayer gods! I’d love for someone with two brain cells to rub together and a basic understanding of logical fallacies to take a crack at what’s going on there! But instead I got this. I mean it’s not  even a tin foil hat, it’s like, crumpled tin foil covered in the moldy remains of bad takeout pizza that someone put on their head.

[kingofthenorth49]

Can someone check the GFCI?

When a circuit breaker snaps, it’s because the circuit was beginning to heat beyond design capacity and it’s shutting down to prevent something worse from happening, like fire or damage to a sensitive circuit or device.

It’s a safety device, and we all know how much I love safety devices, but at the end of the day if you don’t take action when a safety device activates, generally the damage can be much worse than what the device was actually protecting.

Folks, our owners have decided that it’s going to be much easier to control the world if they only have to do it from one government, and if you still think this is a conspiracy theory, you need to turn off CNN and step outside your basement. Even the dimwit in Ottawa can no longer keep the secret of where those in lofty chambers have decided we are going, although I sincerely doubt he understands the repercussions, just like 98% of the population. It’s not their fault, they are wired in such a way they can’t see the truth, either by design or programming.

Doesn’t matter which it is (blue dress/brown dress), the damage to our population has started and we don’t have the collective will to stop it, because we’ve been conditioned to be victims. Correction. Most have been conditioned over the past two decades to be victims, to be at the mercy of big government and those who know better than you do.

I’ve a friend who explains it perfectly. He says that most people cannot see past the end of any given month. It’s not a derogatory thing, it’s just who they are. These are the people who live paycheck to paycheck, who don’t plan for the future because they are just trying to stay alive. They work hard to keep up, but are consumed by just trying to cope with what life throws at them. These are the majority of people on this planet. Not a bad thing, but these are the type of people easily controlled by fear.

The next group are the people who can see 6 to 12 months, and they understand cause and effect better than the first group. They understand that payday loans are bad and that you should control your destiny through planning. These are the type of people who run our governments and provide services. They see the benefits to organized approaches to problems and find safety in numbers of like minded people.

The last group, the smallest one are those who can see 3 to 5 years down the road. These are the visionaries, people like Edison and Orwell, Tesla and Rand. These are the Elon Musks and Bill Gates of the world. They drive humanity through aspiration and ambition.

Unfortunately they aren’t always right, for example I would consider Karl Marx to one of the latter.

So why am I talking about Karl Marx and circuit breakers you ask?

Well it’s because my tin foil hat is on too tight, or because I’m not quite right in the head I guess, or any other of the labels those who can’t see past the end of the month would paste to someone like me who likes to think a bit more long term than the end of the next season of the Kardasians.

Shutting down the world for a bad flu wasn’t a decision based in science. It’s not even a decision based in safety, and believe me I know a thing or two about that. The whole “nobody moves, nobody gets hurt” thing really doesn’t work for long. Sure, nobody gets hurt, but no body eats either. This is what your average person isn’t thinking about when they scream “stay the blazes home”.

Yes, you can stay the blazes home. Yes,  you can cower under your bed until the bad thing passes, but at the end of the day the Magic Pantry was just a kids TV show.

Dude’s gotta eat, right?

I’m currently living inside the “Atlantic Bubble”, or whatever is left of it after those anointed in oil decided to take their toys and go home, but in reality we’ve created an interesting paradigm here on the east coast of Canada that’s unlike anywhere else in the world.

We’ve created the perfect culture of fear.

Now for those living outside the bubble, we’ve shut the door, turned off the lights and posted a big “FUCK OFF” sign on the front lawn. We’ve turned our back to the virus like it’s a Trump supporter. This is our plan. We’ve posted guards, created intricate rules around who can go where and why, and basically made it impossible to move anywhere without government permission. All over a bad flu with a survivalbility rate of over 99.4%, with 70%+ of the mortality coming from those 70 years of age and older. You are more likely to die from an automobile accident today than COVID.

Don’t get me wrong, COVID is no cake walk, it’s a nasty disease, but it’s not Ebola. I’ve been battling this virus now for 11 months, I’ve seen how it works, it’s veracity is substantial, and if you have co-morbidities such as diabetes or heart disease, it can take a toll on you, and yes, more people are dying from it than the seasonal flu, but at the end of the day it’s not going to wipe out the human race. The majority of the people who test positive don’t even know they have it.

And don’t get me started on testing.

I can’t talk publicly about it but if you see me out and about, ask me why I think testing is a control and not a diagnostic element. Sorry, the hat’s tightening.

Let me throw one example out for you to chew on, let’s say vaccines. Now the vaccines are the panacea for the masses right? I mean we should be amazed we were able to concoct a vaccine that is 95% effective in eradicating this virus inside 8 to 10 months, hell, we should be ecstatic, right? I mean it took 30+ years to get a handle on AIDS and we beat COVID in just 240 days. We currently linbe up to get an annual flu shot to protect us from the last major Coronavirus (Remember the Spanish Flu?) that has been in development for the last 60 years and it’s still only 35-40% effective, and less than 50% of Canadians get it

We must be freaking geniuses now.

I’ll never understand the sheer amount of dumb optimism that’s out there, but I certainly appreciate it. Without that optimism we’d be more like Lemmings than we currently are.

But back to the “great reset”, shall we?

So dude’s gotta eat, right? I’m going to quote one of my modern day heros, Elon Musk when he says “If people wants stuff, they have to make it” or something along those lines. In other words, there’s no money tree. My parents very early on taught me that lesson, and that if I wanted anything in life I had to earn it or make it, that there was no such thing as a free meal. The problem is most people today have been conditioned to think there is. Trudeau has been giving away our money like a drunken sailor on shore leave to the tune of $400 BILLION dollars in 8 months. Let me put it another way, in the last 240 days Trudeau has spent $10,814.00 per Canadian citizen, or around $25K per taxpayer. That’s debt folks, that’s directly on the shoulders of every Canadian. But it’s ok they say because interest rates are so low we can afford the additional leverage.

Problem is folks is interest rates don’t stay low after a major crisis. Why? It’s called inflation. As money supply loosens, so does the value of a dollar, and when the value of a dollar decreases because there’s more supply of dollars then prices increase. When prices start increasing wages need to go up to keep pace with inflation, and when that happens there are two options. Control monetary supply, otr deal with runaway inflation.

How do you control inflation you ask? Great question. You raise interest rates to throttle spending.

How can anyone forget the late 1970’s? It was less than 50 years ago folks. Remember Trudeau’s 6 & 5? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? JUSTIN? For fuck sakes the kid was living at 22 Sussex drive when his father created the greatest economic challenge of our lifetime.

Wait, check that. Apparently the second wave will be worse than the first.

This great reset is gong to be tragic. Already they are estimating over 100 Million people in 3rd world countries will die next year due to disease and starvation because of the lock downs. In our own western countries the most disadvantages are already our most vunerable populations. Humans aren’t meant to be caged, nor can we afford to be. We need to be free, have purpose, and contribute to a vibrant society.

You can’t govern that. You can’t rule over a captive society for long. History has shown us that time and time again that King’s aren’t benevolent rulers and those who suffer the most are at the bottom the societal ladder.

If you aren’t seeing the end goal yet, I get it, but I do. You only need look as far as the ice cream eating elite who enjoy fine dining when your cupboard is near empty and jet off to Mexico while telling you can’t bury your spouse or child. They make you endure cruel mental anguish while they spend your tax dollars on jet setting and pontificating about a communist world that they rule.

All in the name of a better world, one free of climate change and racism.

Who knows, maybe they are right, maybe they are part of the component of society that sees the future more clearly than the rest of us.

I guess that’s why they get ice cream and can go spend Thanksgiving with their moms while you can’t bury yours.

I guess that’s just our lot in life, to be ruled, to understand it’s for thee, but not for me.

This what we want? This what we deserve? Am I wrong?

I don’t think I am, I just want to be. Can someone go downstairs and check the fuse?

Jim Out

[tinadapenguin1]

Ok, here’s part 2 and of course...

This fucked me up. Idk what to even add here cause it’s just so sad...

Shoto is such a tough kid. And the way he loves his mom and wants to try working through his feelings is just... I love the Todorokis.

Bakugo is too much lmaooo I love him. And I like that this is his way of caring, kinda. He also is over feeling awkward in their house. Deku is a precious ray of sunshine, but what else is new?

There’s already been some posts that noted how it’s no coincidence that Deku’s comment on forgiveness or not is in a panel with Bakugo, so I won’t go in on that. But Deku’s word choice is so significant! He’s not trying invalidate Shoto’s feelings, or any of the Todoroki children, if they truly hate Endeavor. Let’s not forget that this is coming from a kid who has been working directly under Endeavor for the past week and has seen more of the good than the, bad in person at least. And the look on Shoto’s face... my dang heart! I feel like that last speech bubble wasn’t just for Shoto... I mean, just like the panel with Bakugo was a coincidence, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Natsuo is quite literally waiting at the door.

Idk where to even start with the Touya theories. But I will start by saying that this page calling back to the first one means something! It seems like he’s saying he wants to be able to see Touya in his dream from the first page; and it’s troubling him that he doesn’t. Which... would be a no brainer right? But this is where I put on my tin foil hat

Why is “one more person” in quotation marks? That’s so suspicious to me. And saying “no longer there” is also pretty curious. It makes me think that this sentence is for two different people. I feel like the first part is what Endeavor is thinking and how he views Touya not being there as similar to Rei not being there and the second part is a conformation for the audience. I’m curious as to how this sentence was written in Japanese. Because based off the word choice; it’s sounds like this sentence is confirming that Touya might not be dead. But I’m also curious if Endeavor also thinks that Touya might not be dead, especially if his whole sentence is actually all Endeavor’s thoughts.

Ah, there’s so much to think about! I’m excited for the next chapter :) and this was fun... I kinda want to go back and document my thoughts for the older chapters

[joeys-piano]

📂📂📂

Okay this is more like a what-if scenario than a headcanon, but hear me out on this one!*puts on tin foil hat and is that meme with the guy with red strings all over the place, connecting pictures/theories/evidence? to one another and is so happy to share his findings*

What if…what if Dazai’s ability (No Longer Human) was an artificial ability? What if he was a regular person and let’s say a scientist conducted a series of experiments or treatments that eventually led to him becoming the wielder to this nullification ability? As far as we know, Dazai’s childhood and past are shrouded in mystery. The earliest information we have on him was when he was 14, a patient in Mori’s clinic, needing treatment for the injuries he had given himself.

I’m not saying that my theory has anything to do with what led him to this circumstance and eventually him being roped into the Port Mafia, but there’s a vague possibility that my proposed theory (questions, really) contributed or served as a foundation to what sort of led to this

Although the universe of Bungou Stray Dogs doesn’t delve very much into this, would it or would it not be safe to assume that there’s tension or perhaps even prejudice between ability-users and regular people? Where ability-users are viewed as the Other or Them, feared for their powers, feared that they may go on a rampage or just snap, feared because the general public still doesn’t know very much about them, feared because the general public has fed and instigated events that portray ability-users as people you shouldn’t associate with no matter how nice they seem on the outside.

I’m not sure how artificial ability-users would fit into this. Would they fit in one group rather than the other? Would they fit into a group that is separate from both? What would they be viewed as? These questions have a lot of if-statements to them because the answers vary depending on what you ask and what’s going on. But one thing I can conclude with unwavering certainty is that Dazai is in a group with a party of one.

If this theory of him being an artificial-ability user has some concrete foundation and when you factor in what No Longer Human does, the dominoes fall and each other’s collapse leads to the prevalent tone that Dazai wore like cologne when he was younger man: detachment. Detachment from the world, from life, from expectations, from finding something that made him feel connected to humanity, even if it was by a thin sliver of a thread. Ability-users were already not the best people in society’s mind, and Dazai’s own ability would make him an outcast in a group already composed of outcasts. And that gets pretty lonely.

But you’re probably wondering: Joey, what in darn Hell are you talking about and why do you think Dazai has an artificial ability?

In a very brief comment made by Arthur Rimbaud towards the end of the Fifteen arc, he described Dazai’s ability in a very peculiar way. An antithesis, an ability that none in the West could rival or even match. That Dazai is perhaps the only one in this world with his kind of ability. During the Dark Era, we got to see a little bit of what Rimbaud meant. In the Dark Era, Odasaku (with his ability to see a few seconds into the future) met his match through Gide, whose ability had the same property.

This gives us a bit of a wider context that certain abilities or their types will manifest and are wielded by a number of people. We see this again with Kyouka and Kouyou, who both wield sword-demons and both abilities more or less operate pretty much identically to the other.

So if what Rimbaud is saying is true, that Dazai is the only one with this antithesis of an ability, that makes me think No Longer Human was artificially made and given to him. On a certain former-facility, on a certain foreign settlement off the coast of a certain port city before it was destroyed by Arahabaki, 15 years ago from the canon present time.

Anyway, that’s my theory/headcanon/whatever you think it is.

[kyle-valenti]

small towns make for small friends 1/?

for @larenoz and their amazing prompt for milenti background (and future mylex?)

read on ao3

*

Small desert towns, however sparse and anachronistic, gave away knowledge to the people that dared to live in them. For instance the long stretches of roads in and out of Roswell were used for specific things by the locals. One road led to the airstream and dairy ranches, one led out of the town to better things, one circled tourist attractions for tin foil hat visitors, and one rounded around the various homesteads of people daring enough to lead a small life.

There was nothing too off-putting about seeing a car stopped along the stretch of road to his airstream home; Michael was almost certain it was a townie. Dead cell service littered this specific road, so there was a possibility the driver needed help. Not something he usually cared about, but it was near the end of the month and he was tight on rent after paying up his bill with a stubborn Maria Deluca at the Wild Pony.

He slowed down about a mile back, trying to identify which Roswell citizen he would be dealing with only to have a strong suspicion that the SUV didn’t belong to the usual country folk. Thinking through his mind’s catalog of car owners he kept for business use, he remembered all too late that the grossly shiny vehicle belonged to Kyle Valenti. Just the thought of having to talk to the asshole made Guerin begin to speed up again to drive past, but the more logical part of his brain still pressed… It was doctor's money. It was the chance to screw Valenti over, because there was little chance in hell the doctor remembered anything from the auto shop class the jock used to ditch.

In the end he stopped, but he’s all fired up for a fight even so. Walking up from behind the back of the SUV, he knocked on the driver’s window before reaching it and looking in. When Valenti rolled down the tinted window, he looked like hell. Red eyes, disheveled black hair that mousse no longer held up, and a hollow stare accompanied with a tight jaw.

"Crying over your car?” Michael jabbed. “Promise it's not that pretty.”

"Car's fine," was the exhausted response, no usual arrogant bite to hear. "Thanks for stopping.”

Michael couldn’t help but stare, unprepared for what he had secretly hoped to be a fight. Confusion won over, although mocking still slipped into his tone as he drawled. "Thanks?”

Dark brown eyes stared at him now, and while there was the tiniest traces of anger, there was an overpowering desperation to them as well. "What do you want from me, Guerin?” he asked. “I’m really not in the mood to see more blood, so how about we do the highschool reunion thing where you break my nose later.”

"More blood, huh?” Michael prodded, too caught up in the past to be anything then violent. “Who'd you kill?”

A flicker of pain trembled through Kyle Valenti’s face, activating that one nerve that always stood out, before the man turned on the ignition and sneered at the open road, not even looking at Michael as he rolled up the window and peeled off the dirt and onto the blacktop, leaving Guerin so confused that he thought about the interaction all the way home.

The Wild Pony was one of the few reliefs Michael found in this dusty town, somewhere between the alcohol, Deluca’s constant stream of snarky insults, and a large supply of people to deck whenever the mood struck him. (It struck him often.)

Tonight he felt more calm, having made some good money between fixing a truck and selling some copper wire on the side. The whiskey Maria served him was nice and cold (positive reinforcement for squaring his tab) and the acetone he slipped into it gave him an even better buzz. While he was focusing on the intoxicating feeling and how it calmed down the constant overstimulation of the magnetic fields he was always on the edge of pushing, he noticed an unusual guest at his favorite bar. As far as possible from the bar itself sat Kyle Valenti cornered up in the back of a booth.

Maria was opposite Michael behind the bar for the minute, and he nodded to her. “What’s up with Valenti?”

Her face fell a little, sadness rising up that she hardly ever showed. “He lost a patient during surgery. You know Sam Cooper? His kid. Nine years old, got real messed up on a dirtbike without a helmet.”

Trying not to remember how his last words to Valenti were now deeply horrible, he replied. "Oh. They related?”

“No, Guerin,” Maria snapped at him, judgment all over her face. “People don't need to be related to care about each other. Foreign concept for you, I know.”

“Just a question, Deluca,” he huffed, but she had already sent him another glare before walking off to serve another customer, leaving him to fight any feeling of guilt.

Because he wasn’t guilty. It wasn’t his fucking fault that Valenti sucked at being a surgeon, or that he had stabbed at a fresh wound. Who cared that the asshole jock was finally learning that he wasn’t invincible and that hard times existed?

In the end, Deluca was too good at getting under his skin.

Grabbing his drink, he sauntered over to the corner booth and sat across from Valenti, every nerve of him on edge in case things went sour. All he got in return was Kyle’s confused narrowed eyes and equally as tensed muscles.

"You're a third of the reason Alex Manes left, you know that?” Michael growled out at him. "And full offense, I hate you.”

There wasn't anything Valenti said to that, which was probably best because any excuse wouldn’t go over well.

"That all said, you want a beer?”

Kyle stared, silent still, but exhaled a long breath that’s more or less an agreement. Michael gestured at Deluca, who had been giving them a hawkeyed stare the entire conversation (if you could call it that), and he wasn't surprised when she walked over with the drinks herself, all huffy. Her lips are pursed, and her eyes are cautiously looking back and forth at the interaction, but when the drinks are dropped off and Valenti works on the beer she’s given him she turns to glare down Michael. "You scratch even an inch on my floor if you start fighting and you're banned for a week.”

“Just me?” he asked her, a smug grin on his face. “I'm touched.”

She made a face at him per usual, but he didn't miss the way she left with a small squeeze on Kyle's shoulder. It was quick and soft, but it was also supportive. Michael couldn't imagine being on the receiving end of something like that from Maria Deluca, but the man’s face doesn’t even change. No smile, no lean in, just another small exhale.

It seemed like the only thing Kyle Valenti was capable of doing right now was drinking and breathing in and out. As much as he despised sharing anything deeper than highschool alma mater with him, Michael had to admit he was familiar with the feeling.

When things had dragged out and the doctor was now silently on his fourth beer, Michael gave up. "Gotta get out of your head, Valenti.”

"Ever seen someone die?” Kyle snapped, suddenly coming to life with a violence that he hadn’t expected was boiling underneath after such calm silence. Immediately Michael was on edge, but not because he thought he would be attacked. More because he could sense how much Valenti wanted to attack himself. “Ever felt it?”

Begging his mind not to bring up the memories of Rosa Ortecho that answer that question, he stayed quiet and still for once.

Valenti shook his head, a scoff ready. “I don't know why I ask. If you had, you'd know that's impossible.” Before Michael could even decide on what to say, Kyle added, “Just leave me alone, Guerin. Half the town already hates me for failing, I don’t need you sitting across from me adding reminders on how I suck.”

Partly to break the mood, partly because of the emotional emphasis on the word that translated as simple emphasis, Michael laughed.

It didn't go over well. “Excuse me?”

“How you suck?” Michael commented, a smirk finding its way to his face even if things were about to dissolve into the bar fight that Deluca was worried about.

All Valenti did was glare. “Are you 12?”

“Nah, just bisexual. Much easier to take everything dirty,” he replied, tilting his chin up in a defiant challenge. All he needed was one reason to kick Valenti’s ass despite this meeting and tilt everything back into its normal axis where the world of Roswell contained Michael Guerin and Kyle Valenti as sworn enemies who wouldn’t spend a second in each other’s presence.

But there wasn’t even the tiniest of reaction to the declaration. No judgment, no disgust, no arrogance. Just clear annoyance at his grief being interrupted for something juvenile. "How I suck is none of your business.”

"How, or who…?” Michael asked. Self-loathing for being observant and curious enough to ask would be a problem for later.

Kyle Valenti only stared him down, and with that Michael almost dropped his whiskey. Almost. It was good whiskey. “Well look who joined the 21st century. Karma’s a bitch, right?”

When all the doctor does is look away again, the temper in him flares up. He slammed the glass down heavily on the table, ignored the way that Deluca looked up immediately, and glared so fiercely that Valenti ought to thank god heat vision wasn’t one of his alien powers. He leaned over, his voice a venomous whisper. "Afraid I'm going to rat you out? Call you names? Make your life hell?”

“I’d understand,” was the even response the brunette gave, eyes looking unsure but jaw tight and resolved.

Standing up, Michael decided that Deluca could put this on her tab since it was her fucking fault. Spitefully, he snarled, "I'll wait a week or two,” even though he had no plans to do anything. Maybe it’d put the dick in his place just being scared, or maybe the man was an adult not scared of being out now anyway. All Michael knew was that the irony in Kyle Valenti being bisexual was crippling, and without thinking about anything but all the shit the jock pulled in highschool, he spat out, "you owe me a blowjob”, and left.

[c0nques7]

Unfuck your life, a retrospective

Chapter One: Un-f Your Head

A special kind of person has special kind of problems. My flavor that had to be dealt with was narcissism. I would start drinking and then talk for hours, just to hear the sound of own voice. People would listen because I was a gifted orator, not because the words connected to provide any substance. 

Hopefully after reading the intro and doing some reflecting you’ve come to find yourself ready to begin the hard work towards making your life better, but before we get started, you have to make one promise that you’ll carry through the entirety of this book -

If your doctor says to do something that is contrary to any of my recommendations, you listen to your doctor instead of me.

I am not a doctor by any stretch of the imagination, and as you'll see later on, I have also had to reach out to medical professionals when the nature of my problem went outside the realm of what I could attain myself. You promise you’ll go to them when things get really tough, right? Right? Okay cool, lets begin.

First things first. You’re going to need to spend some time with yourself, thinking, exploring, crying, etc. Some of it you’ll do by yourself, some of it you’ll do with dear friends or spouses, and some of it will come off a drunken 2 day weekend bender and you’re so sorry for it please god stay friends with me. Trust me, I’ve been to all of these places. The purpose of all of this is to take some time, get a feel for who you are, what you like, don’t like, your good, bad and otherwise. Grab something you can take notes on, and start here. Write down 5 things you like about yourself. It can be as simple as “I’m great about remembering to lay down the toilet seat” or as complex as “My confidence going into the Calc 3 final.” The reason we’re going with the good first is that you need to CONSTANTLY remind yourself of the things that you like about yourself. Can’t think of anything? Ask a friend. Don’t have any friends? Ask your mom or dad. Don’t have any parents? Jesus, I’m sorry, tweet me and I’ll help you with this part.

Once you have those down, put them somewhere you’ll see them every day. I used to have mine as my cell phone background. I used to also be studying for a computer certification, and every time I’d score over a 70%, I’d write on the piece of paper, “Good job Joe!” in a cool color, and it was forever in my study journal, so that every time I’d review, I’d remember how good I was at this stuff. 

The reason behind all of this is that with how deep we’re going to go into making positive change, you need to have the foundation of confidence knowing that we’re working with a good person, not a shit person who is hopeless. If you are reading this right now, you are not a shit person, because you are at least trying.

The next thing we’re going to do is write out 3 things you don’t like about yourself. Now, when you get into this, make sure you’re writing something down that you have a measure of control over. If you were born with a birth defect, or have a mental illness, don’t write down the symptoms of those things as the focus of your change. These need to be more along the lines of, “I wish I was more outgoing”, or “I wish I didn’t talk badly about people behind their backs.” or even, “I wish I was better at coding/reading/being empathetic.”

Full disclosure, when I went through weekly therapy after my divorce, there were so many problems that we had to unpack and dig through that tackling only 3 problems seemed like a waste of time, but what I’ve found out is that depending on where you are emotionally in this process, 3 might be all you can handle. If you wanna do more, and address more, then by all means, go for it.

Every week, remind yourself of the things you want to change, remind yourself of the things that you like about yourself, and then finally write down how you can correlate the things you like about yourself with the things you want to change. For example, I’m really good at being able to gather lots of information, and one of the things I’m working on is trying to stick to a budget, so I’ve been trying to gather as much financial information about myself as possible to better understand when I spend, why I spend, and try different ways of budgeting so that I’m not overextending myself. This part is going to take some time, and I recommend only attempting one per week at first until you get the hang of it.

Now, because it’s the elephant in the room, we’re going to go ahead and jump into the subject of drugs, what I would be a healthy guideline to follow regarding their use (as long as your doctor gives the okay), and I’ll provide what I use/don’t use, so hopefully you’ll be more informed than just your 1hr DARE class you attended 10 years ago. I wish that people had been real with me about drugs. We’re going to be roping alcohol in with drugs, because saying drugs and alcohol is like saying fruit and watermelon. It’s all drugs, with varying pros, cons and usages. 

The drugs I’ve used/tried are as follows:

Adderall (I have a prescription for it, I’ll go into that later.)

Very low dose antidepressant (Prescription too. Haven’t noticed any mood changes with it, but my doctor recommended it for sleep, and it seems to be working. Gives me dry mouth.

Weed. Didn’t start smoking until I was 26, only smoked when I was really stressed out, had a period of a month where I was a daily smoker, now I try and stay away from it. It’s illegal where I’m from, so it’s best to stay away from things that could get me in trouble with the law.

Alcohol. Used to use it for stress release, now I only have a beer every once in a while, or an expensive tequila. Don’t like the way it makes me feel after more than 2 or 3 drinks. Brings out the worst in everyone, I’ve found.

Kratom. Only used in very small doses. Dried me out, but I did notice a very relaxing effect, and improved sexual performance on certain strains. The DEA is trying to make it illegal, so be careful with this one. 

Kava. Root based tea that chilled me out. I highly recommend. Tastes like dirt. Get the powder, take your time making it, don’t mess with the concentrates or anything other than Noble powder. 

We’ll touch on these again in the next chapter, but for now here’s what I want you to get real about.

Does my usage of drugs push me closer towards the things I like about myself, or towards the things I don’t like about myself? It’ll take some time to answer that, and it’ll take even longer to kick the habits and/or addictions associated if you decide the answer to be no.

In my case, I always knew I had issues with focus, we made jokes about it, I laughed along, but I always felt like a failure who was letting everyone around me down because I couldn’t finish anything I started. After getting into another serious relationship after my divorce I decided that the stakes were much higher this time around, and I wanted my promises to be not only remembered, but kept and followed through with. At this point I decided it was time to talk to my doctor, who then referred me to a psychiatrist who recommended I try a low dose of adderall. For me, it was a game changer. The problem with acquiring anything illegally is yes, you can go to jail, be fined, etc, but more importantly, you’re not doing something that can be monitored. Part of your doctors job is and should be supplying you with objectivity. Yes, yes, big pharma and “The Man” have gotten to your doctor and are causing him/her to prescribe things that fuck with your brain. If you’ll take off your tin-foil hat for a second, and finish your blunt, I’m going to level with you. Weed can make you paranoid, and if you’re smoking a lot, stop for a week, re-read this chapter and then reach out to me if you still wanna argue about the pros and cons of having a good, open, honest dialogue with your healthcare provider.

All of the drugs I’ve tried produced a result in my self-talk that made me decide, was this thing I’m putting in my body worth it? For some, no, for others, sometimes, and for yet still others, absolutely yes. 

Except for heroin. Not even once.

The last thing I want to leave you with in this chapter is a plan for how to handle when you fall off the bandwagon, or miss the mark on your goals. Remember this from the intro? 

 The most important part of the process is accepting that you can change, you want to change, and you make the daily steps to change.

I know it wasn’t that long ago that you read it, but it’s worth repeating. I remember when I first began to tackle my relationship with alcohol, it was absolutely the hardest thing I’d ever done. I spent more time off the wagon than I spent going anywhere. Countless nights where, “oh I’ve had a rough day, I’ll just have one drink” turned into “ah so this is what the bottom of a bottle of Jose Quervo looks like. I’d forgotten for a moment.”. Shit happens, but you’re tougher than the shit you’re going through. We’re going to focus on a 5-10% change in your life every month. Absolutely keep reading, but remember, the 5-10% changes are going to be the easiest to make, with the longest lasting impact. Now get to it!

Action Items from This Chapter:

Write Down 5 Things You Like About Yourself:

Write Down 3 Things You Don’t Like About Yourself:

Write Down 1 Thing You’re Going To Change About Yourself, Using The Things You Like About Yourself.

[fortunatelylori]

Why the Jon/D*any romance doesn’t work (Part 5)

Hey, guys! This last part of my “Why the Jon/Dany romance doesn’t work” series was taken down in the great Tumblr purge and I am now reuploading it. I got a few messages from people wanting to read it and I’m really sorry it’s taken this long to get it back up again. But here it is! :)

This is actually the second part of the “More than 2 is a crowd” section of the series but since it got very, very long I split it up.

Welcome to Days of GOT, the soap-opera where your captor turns into your lover only to turn into your aunt:

The “we’re fucked but not in a good way” scene

As a general rule, I’ve decided not to take into consideration what any of the people involved in this TV show say in interviews or behind the scenes. They very willingly and intentionally mislead the audience and lie to our faces. I don’t hold it against them but I’m not going to spend my time analyzing and commenting on something that may very well be the writers screwing with me.

However, I find it very interesting that Kit Harrington said that he thought this was the scene where Jon and Dany started liking each other. Because this is, by far, the nicest, friendliest conversation they’ve ever had. It’s almost, dare I say it, human-esque.

Here, I’ll even give you some examples:

Jon: No one is less happy about this than I am.

Dany: I know. I respect what you did. Wish you hadn’t done it but I respect it.

Wow! Appreciation and respect … where have you two been for the duration of this plot?

Dany: […] We weren’t extraordinary without them (dragons). We were just like everyone else.

Jon: You’re not like everyone else.

Hello, validation! Nice to see you again, old friend.

See? Even I’ve been generalized into submission. He’s lucky he’s cute. That’s all I got to say.

Dany: I can’t have children.

Jon: Who told you that?

Dany: The witch who murdered my husband.

Jon: Has it occurred to you she might not have been a reliable source of information?

Dany, you lucky girl! You’ve just been struck by the ever elusive Jon Snow joke! Revel in it for it only comes out to play once a season.

So, all of this is very touching … I mean, I say very …. Mildly, in the near vicinity of touching. It would have been even better had this happened earlier and not in their last private conversation but at this point, beggars can’t be choosers.

However, once you strip away this veneer of friendliness, you do find some quite troubling things in this scene.

Firstly, there’s the main issue they are discussing:

Dany: This place was the beginning of the end for my family. […] A dragon is not a slave. They were terrifying, extraordinary. They filled people with wonder and awe and we locked them in here. They wasted away. They grew small and we grew small as well.

The problem with this speech is that it creates a conundrum for both the audience and Jon. Because Jon’s already heard the flip side of this particular coin, directly from his BFF, Jorah:

Missandei: Why did they build it? (the Dragonpit)

Jorah: Dragons don’t understand the difference between what is theirs and what isn’t. Land, livestock, children … Letting them roam free around the city was a problem.

So how does Jon resolve this issue? He doesn’t. He simply listens to Dany, looks around the Dragonpit and keeps his mouth shut.

Are we to understand that Jon Snow simply doesn’t care about children being burned alive because he wants Dany and her dragons to be as terrifying and awe inspiring as possible?

Isn’t it more likely to assume that Jon simply does what he’s always done in conversations with Dany, essentially keep his thoughts to himself and allow her to think whatever she wants? Which can only mean that despite their pleasantries, their dynamic is essentially the same it’s been since the cave scene. Which, by extension, means we’re just going round and round in ever increasingly polite circles.

Great! I got all excited with no rose petal covered way to go.

Then there’s this:

Dany: You were right from the beginning. If I trusted you, everything would be different.

Jon: So what now?

Dany: I can’t forget what I saw North of the wall. And I can’t pretend Cersei won’t take back half the country the moment I march North.

Remember when I said that Jon had no reason to bend the knee because Dany had already promised to help him defeat the Night King?

Tin foil hat: You know nothing, fortunatelylori!

Shut up, you!

Yes, Jon! You heard that right! A near death experience by either zombification or drowning, a dead uncle and a bent knee later and all you have to show for it is a better placement on Dany’s list of priorities. It used to be -100 before but now the goddamn apocalypse is neck and neck with Dany and Cersei’s competition for a piece of furniture. Enjoy!

The “what is fear of assassination anyway when my hormones are out of wack” scene

I could analyze every line in this scene but I prefer to cut through all the boring travel arrangements that no one paid attention to and cut to the chase:

Jorah: My queen, love of my life, end all be all of my existence, your safety is paramount to me. Please fly to Winterfell and not risk getting blood all over your pretty blond wig.

Jon: Aaa ... I mean it’s your choice, obviously, but ... would you rather fly and be safe or get on a boat and possibly have sex with me?

Dany: Sex with Jon  on a boat, definitely.

However, I will say this is a very interesting line:

Jon: It’s your decision, your Grace. But if we’re going to be allies in this war, it’s important for the Northerners to see us as allies.

It sort of feels like Jon is not giving Dany a choice at all. It’s more of a “my way or the highway” type of proposition but again Dany’s too far down the rabbit hole to notice the difference.

The “this better be good, guys! The whole of Westeros is watching” scene

I’d love to link to b0atbang here but Tumblr hates that scene as much as we do. So for your convenience, I have decided to put my considerable artistic talents to good use and I have drawn what I believe is almost an exact representation of it:

Guys, I spent almost 30 seconds in Paint doing this so please show me some love. Tread carefully, Tumblr, for you are treading on my dreams!

We started this section of the series talking about the “more than 2 is a crowd” rule so it seems only fitting that we should end with this: the most crowded sex scene since whatever porno film you watched last night.

There are 6 people involved in this scene and that’s excluding the actual two people that are having sex! Six people, most of them related to one or both Jon and Dany.

We have Jon’s mother but also Dany’s sister in law, Jon’s uncle but also adoptive father, Jon’s real father but also Dany’s brother, Jon’s brother who is actually his cousin, Jon’s best friend and also family member to the victims of Dany’s latest dracarys incident and lastly Dany’s closest adviser and also ex-husband to Jon’s sister/cousin/the current possessor of a “part of him”. This is Days of our Lives gone terribly, terribly wrong.

I don’t think I have to explain why this is romantic plot suicide. A sex scene between a romantic couple is supposed to be intimate, tender, sometimes steamy. It not supposed to be the smallest part of an elaborate montage designed to tell us that the people currently engaged in the devil’s mambo number 5, are actually related as well as de facto rivals for the Iron Throne.

A lot of people have commented on the inherent issues with the set-up of this scene, from the lack of a first kiss (an absolutely crucial part of any romantic pairing), to the lack of conversation before or after , to the horrible transition from a dying, blood soaked Lyanna to Jon and Dany in the midst of physical abandon and up to Jon’s strange expression:

Jon: I don’t think Tinder is working out for me.

What I would like to do instead is show you a scene that has quite a similar setup to this: it starts off in a bed and also includes the dreaded body flip. This is incidentally one of my favorite sex scenes. I am, of course, talking about the sex scene between Achillies and Brisies in 2004’s Troy. When I uploaded this the first time, @lostlittlesatellites  mentioned in the comments section that this film was actually written by David Benioff, which I had forgotten. So not only did the D reuse this set-up for the Jon/Dany scene but actually is well aware of the salient differences between the two scenes, since, you know, he was involved in writing both of them. Another nail in the “Ds suck at their job which is why they couldn’t write a better romance” coffin, I guess.

I would love to put this scene up here in all its glory. However, since Tumblr is a prude that can’t handle the gorgeous physique of one Brad Pitt, I can’t. Just type Achillies and Brisies into youtube because it’s a more liberated platform, incidentally with far fewer Nazis lurking around. Also here is a pic of Brad’s gorgeous abs. Tumblr, eat your heart out!

The body flip:

The body flip in the Brisies/Achilles is counterbalanced by the knife. These kinds of flips are awkward when filmed in a wide shot but the fact that she’s holding a sharp object to Achilles’ throat moves our focus towards the character’s faces and not the awkward body movement.

Focus on details:

When you watch this scene, you’ll notice that a large portion of it is Achilles pulling up her dress and slipping his hand underneath the material. That becomes a very intimate movement that, in turn, creates expectation … And expectation creates interest. It has a much slower build-up than what we get with Jon/Dany and it’s that prolonged moment that makes it sexier.

It tells a story:

This is very important. Words in scenes aren’t there just to make the writer feel important. They set the tone, the level of intensity and make the audience feel like they’re a part of it, instead of being kept at arm’s length because they don’t have access to the character’s thoughts.

The Troy sex scene is a whole story in itself: We start with Brisies trying to kill Achilles but hesitating. We have Achilles admitting he will kill more men and daring her to go through with her plan. We have him flipping her and then tentatively kiss her as she finally gives up and drops the knife to the floor. This is an intimate, character driven scene that marks the transition of these two from enemies to lovers.

That’s not to say that Jon and Dany’s scene isn’t telling a story. The difference is that the story it tells is plot driven, not character driven. What makes their scene inherently interesting are the revelations we receive about Jon and how that will affect the plot moving forward. In that sense they become secondary characters in their own sex scene, just gilded cogs in a much larger plot wheel and far from breaking it, their sex scene is advancing it. To what end, I guess we’ll find out in season 8.  

 And that’s it, you guys! Hope you enjoyed this series. I do have a few ideas on what to write next but if there’s something in particular you’d like me to cover, let me know.

In case you haven’t read the other 3 parts of the series, you can find them linked below:

Part 1: Are D&D really idiots?

Part 2: Repetition and generalization are the death of romance

Part 3: When everyone and their mother has a different take on the same line of text

Part 4: More than 2 is a crowd

PS: none of the artwork in this meta belongs to me. Except for b0atbang which is the only piece of art worth mentioning anyway and which shall be hanging in a museum near you very, very soon.

[milich96]

I wrote this small fic a few months ago but I decided to translate it in English and post it. It’s a small view into Marcus and Loui’s marriage. Be careful ‘cause there are mentions of abuse ( not between them, but from Marcus’ childhood) . I’m sorry if there are mistakes, I tried my best

The blood froze in his veins when he saw Rachele crying on the ground.

The kids had been playing tag inside the house all afternoon: running, screaming and just making a mess. Marcus was working in his office, making sure the documents on the last case were fine, but all that noise was really getting on his nerves. What did the school give them for lunch? Pure sugar? When he was young, he certainly didn’t have all that energy. Loui too was at fault here: he knew he had lots of work to do. Couldn’t he shut them up by putting on a movie?

Dinner was approaching, but the noise wasn’t decreasing, on the contrary, it was INCREASING.

The corvine couldn’t take it anymore. He got up from his chair and marched to the door, opening it with force.

“SO? ARE WE DON- “he didn’t even finish the phrase that a big thump was heard, followed by wails of pain.

Marcus moved a little and he saw Rachele on the floor with a bloody nose. More than that, he was shocked by his eyes: big, full of fear and tears. He wanted to immediately run and hug his baby, reassure him from the blow, but his body wasn’t working. He was like blocked. After a couple of seconds, a red head walked past him, followed by two other smaller ones. Rachele’s crying must had caught Loui’s attention, or maybe it was Jasper and Judas who called him. Either way, the situations was back to normal for those 4, but certainly not for Marcus.

As soon as he saw everything was fine, he went back to his study and stayed there all evening. He got out around 11 p.m., when he was sure the triplets were already sound asleep.

He went directly to the bedroom and started taking off his clothes. Some of his colleagues, jokingly, had told him once that he seemed to be born with a suit and tie. He had sent them to the hospital. His outfit was his armour. He felt powerful and feared in a nice deep blue pinstripe suit. Moreover, he was very handsome in one, not to underestimate.

He changed for the night: a light green silk pajamas, a Christmas present from Edgy. His cousin may have had only 3 working neurons, but he sure had good taste. He brushed his teeth, took a new book from the shelf and got under the covers, ready to relax.

“Judas was worried about you” said the red head, entering the bedroom. “He saw you shaken.”

“Do you believe him?”

“Well, you didn’t even come to dinner”

“I had lots of work to do” always a good excuse.

“I made yakisoba with vegetables. I could have brought it to you, if you had told me sooner” replied Loui, unwinding near Marcus.

“Didn’t feel like eating” with short answers it was impossible to fail.

“Didn’t you just say you had too much work to do?” unless your husband knew how to read you like an open book. In any other occasion he would have tried to removed that cheeky grin from his partner’s lips, but at the moment he wasn’t in the right mood and just shrugged.

There was silence for a few minutes.

“… Is Rachele alright?” – Does Rachele hate me? -

“Yaaa, everything’s fine. He kept the ice on for 5 mins and then he went immediately back to playing. He may have a lil’ bruise for a while. He was more scared than anything.”

“Scared of me” he shouldn’t have said it. Those words left his mouth on their own. Loui looked puzzled at him.

“No, scared for the hit. Why do you think he’s afraid of you?”

“cause I hurt him” no no no don’t start now with the trembling voice.

The red head got closer.

“Ehi, it was an accident. It happens. Have you any idea how many times I closed my sisters’ hands in various doors?”

“You didn’t see how he was looking at me. He was frightened. On the floor, with big and wet eyes, he reminded me-“ STOP! DON’T KEEP GOING! The situation could only worsen if he kept on going. He was already felling his eyes itching. For fuck sake, he wasn’t going to cry.

“… he reminded you?”

“Nothin’. Forget I said anything”.

“… did he remind you when you were a kid?” He was spending too much time with that tin-foiled hat best friend of his. He started to understand too easily what was going though his mind. Or maybe it was Marcus the one lowering the defences with him-

“… I didn’t want to hurt him” whispered the corvine.

“Marcus, it was a mistake. By tomorrow, Rachele won’t even remember what happened- “

“I WILL REMEMBER. And if it happens again? And if next time it won’t be a simple hit with a door? I was angry about the noise, Loui! I was going to tell them to stop it. And if- and if instead of the door, I had hit them? Maybe with my belt of with a vase?”

“You would never-“

“THAT’S WHAT MY MOTHER ALWAYS SAID! CRAIG WOULD NEVER DO THAT!”  aand here the crying began.  Everything was silent, apart from Marcus’ muffled sobs.

“… when I saw Rachele with a blood coming out of his nose, I saw myself in him. I felt my cheeks ablaze and my ears ringing. My rational part knows it was an accident, but a deeper and more bastard one kept on saying “You see? It’s all your fault. Now your children are afraid of you. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” … Loui … I don’t want to be like him … I don’t want our kids to hate me.”

The nice smell of Asian food got stronger and two strong arms surrounded Marcus’ shoulder, enveloping him in a warm embrace.

“You’re not like him, you’ll never be. What happened today it’s not your fault. The kids don’t hate you, they adore you. I adore you. What you went through when you were young is disgusting, and it made you a strong and determined man. The man I married. Don’t you dare thinking, NOT EVEN FOR A MOMENT, that you and that monster are similar.”

Followed another silence, this time a comfortable one. The sobbing had stopped, and Marcus was feeling better. He still didn’t feel like returning the hug, not yet. The red head understood it.

“Thank you, Loui. You’re good with words”

“I do what I can” said with a small chuckle.

“… I know your birthday is in 3 months, but you definitely earned this”

“Uh?” asked intrigued the Japanese.

In that instant, the corvine moved the head slightly, touching lightly his husband lips with his, and he whispered:

“I love you”