#I’m feeling better now btw
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Happy holidays everyone, my Christmas Eve gift was a fever of 102 from an unknown source but hopefully y’all are much luckier than I am
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@sketchbookweek Day 2 | Hilda !
My first time trying out pixel art, with a wonderful little app for my phone!!! End product is very simple and hardly flawless, but I don’t think too bad for my first try!
#before I got my period I was thinking I’d challenge myself to try something new or unfamiliar for every day of sketchbook week#since I don’t have my usual tools#but now I’m in survival mode lol so if I can get something done every day it’ll be a bloody miracle#might do more pixel art in that case! this was fun and I want to get better at it too#esp once my iPad is fixed and I can get the app on there#experiment with a bigger canvas yk!#hilda#hilda the series#netflix hilda#hilda netflix#art#my art#digital art#fanart#doodle#drawing#pixel art#oh the app is pixquare btw! it’s very good great UI and highly customisable#sketchbook week#sketchbook week 2024#Kaisa Hilda#Hilda kaisa#Hilda Johanna#johanna hilda#sketchbook#sketchbook ship#kaisanna#Hilda (Hilda)#it feels weird to do this prompt as just them standing next to eachother but. here we are#I think they’re cute anyway so who cares!!
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#look at him so happy in his little torture box :) home sweet home….. I see nothing wrong with this whatsoever…#this is fiiiiiiine…… I was gonna wait to post this but… it reflects my current mood so..#dsmp memes#dsmp meme#c!dream#y’all knew I had to do it… it’s just my fav meme… like ‘this is fine’ should be written on my tombstone#prison arc#dream smp#dreblr#dsmpblr#this is fine#dsmp#pandora's vault#no one does it like c!dream#I spent way to long on these memes btw… I have over 1000 Minecraft photos on my phone now…#not me getting sick when I’m supposed to be going to a concert on Wednesday and beach this weekend…. let’s all just hope I feel better#tomorrow 🤞 pleeeeeaase….
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so episode 10 huh
(shaded version under cut)
#tmagp#my art#gwen i love you but you gotta get ur act together 😭#tmagp 10#gwendolyn bouchard#gwen bouchard#the magnus protocol#magpod#mr bonzo#//horror#i guess? better safe than sorry#i feel like i am deeply connected to fnaf fans now btw#i’m not into mascot horror but i could be convinced#and tmagp is doing a DAMN good job of it#his teeth are NOT soft
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I've been thinkin' too many thoughts about the clones recently...anyways...
If it had never been acknowledged in universe…I think I might’ve been able to ignore how unbelievably fucked up the whole clone army concept is
I might’ve been able to accept it as just a convenient plot point for the republic to have an army to use
That’s what most stories do…they use a faceless army of “disposable” soldiers so that viewers don’t get too upset when so many die in battles
It’s what keeps those stories from feeling too dark
Hell, the stormtroopers from the OT are one of the most famous examples of that
But the thing is…it is acknowledged in universe
Multiple characters on multiple occasions have pointed the fucked-up-ness of it all
Even Obi-Wan in the AOTC novel is kinda horrified at the concept when he sees the clones for the first time
And it’s soooo hard to look past that
Especially with the jedi…I find it so hard to accept that the jedi are able to just ignore and accept it once the army proves to be useful
And like, yeah, when I look at star wars as a whole I understand that a lot of inconsistencies like this are just an inevitability with massive franchises
But it gets super frustrating to hold onto my suspension of disbelief capabilities when these problems are literally mentioned to and acknowledged by the jedi
Especially because I mostly love the jedi
#I just have to remember that ‘just because’ is a perfectly okay reason for stuff in fiction#that not every thing that happens can be completely rational or else there wouldn’t be a story#If I don’t then I’ll constantly be getting in my own way#stopping myself from enjoying things that are supposed to be fun#Anyways I’m gonna go back to watching tcw now#and gaslight myself into believing that the clones have rights so I can keep supporting the jedi :)#but like seriously#millions of SENTIENT HUMAN BEINGS being engineered and grown in a lab#with the specific purpose of fighting in a war that they have absolutely ZERO say in#and the reason they’re seen as better than the NON SENTIENT droids is because they can think creatively#aka THEY ARE PEOPLE WHO HAVE THEIR OWN MINDS AND THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS#and they literally have no choice but to fight in this war#not okay#at all#okay I'm gonna stop now or I'll lose my mind#btw I know the jedi weren't responsible for all that#but for the most part they were okay with and/or ignored that whole clones have no autonomy thing#:/#star wars#sw the clone wars#the clone wars#sw clones#sw gar#kamino#aotc#attack of the clones#obi wan kenobi#stormtroopers#clone troopers#jedi
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wough weird sad feelings about my dad who could have expected that
#camera talks#SIBLING IGNORE IM NORMAL AND FINE <3#anyways we know my relationship with my dad#but like for the past two days he’s been honestly friendly and feels like he want to talk and know me a little bit#he made breakfast this morning !!!! he doesn’t do that !!!#he was talking with a hiking buddy who is trans#and they gave him a big list of trans/queer books and my dad wanted to look at it with me#and I’m going on a trip and need a new bag and he wants to help me get like a special nice custom one#and he works at my school now and yesterday he asked for me and asked me sorta a silly question#and I just. idk I feel a little conflicted bc this is my dad and we know how he is#but also he does this sometimes he’s just like randomly happier and better and nicer#(it’s the disorder we share btw)#but anwyays idk yeah it’s weird and makes me feel like a bad kid for not imagining my future with my parents being very involved#anyways anyways. I feel a bit better now btw#sorry for the constant venting I probably should have just gone to bed last night and also like very time I feel like that#I’m gonna make it through this if it kills me. I have people I love so much and care about so much and I can’t and won’t forget that#there are things for me to live for
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When I first began reading/ watching OPM I use to really, really hate Tatsumaki. She was probably my least favourite character from the main cast for over a year. I tried to hide it in my posts but I despised her.
Even back then I knew why, Tatsumaki reminded me of my older sister who at the time I did not have a great relationship with. Not only would I say Tatsumaki has my sisters personality and motivations amplified to the extreme, but my sister was seen as ‘better’ by everyone around me, or at least it felt like that to me. My sister obviously isn’t an esper prodigy but she is seen as smarter, prettier, more likeable you know the drill. The Psychic sisters arc was probably one of my least favourite arcs unsurprisingly, I can understand Fubuki’s feelings towards her sister completely. You would think this would make me like Fubuki …but back then I didn’t like her that much either lmao.
The manga, especially the chapters for the monster association arc, did a great job of changing my perspective of Tatsumaki. I can see why she’s the way she is and even if I disagree with her methods I do like her character now, I prefer her to Fubuki. I used to hate webcomic counterpart as well but ever since the mangas MA and psychic sisters arc I like her webcomic self also.
The relationship improvement with my sister played a part in this as well. My sister wanted to make sure I could stand in my own two feet but she went about it the wrong way, which was what Tatsumaki also did. So understanding my sisters motivations and the manga chapters made me understand and like Tatsumaki more.
#the fact I’ve only scenes I’ve resonated with on tv or manga or whatever was the psychic sisters and the sisters scenes in fleabag#probably gives a good idea about my how my relationship wish my sister was a few years ago it’s not perfect now but it’s getting better#also I realised around two years ago some of the people I’m friends with remind me of my sister a lot#I don’t know if this post is more about Tatsumaki or my sister now#what I’m trying to say is my view on Tatsumaki is correlated to my relationship with my sister#im hope this doesn’t come across as me seeing Tatsumaki in my sister because it’s the other way around#also sisters in media I’ve been relationg to a lot lately like genshin chasca and her sister actually struck a cord#I usually can’t relate at all to shows or games ever#I feel like the post makes it sound like I only have one sibling I have a younger brother I’m closer with#I don’t see a lot of media with older sister younger brother ?#maybe I should watch modern family#one punch man#opm#Tatsumaki#i hope my point came across well#btw I want to say I always knew tats was trying to make Fubuki stand in her two feet it’s just I still hated her back then and didn’t#understand why she had to be so rude about it
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Oh. Thats a friend group of mine making a whole ass new group chat without me in it. Okay cool. Love that.
#we had one but they went silent#one person said they were upset with me bc I had ‘ditched them for my new friends’#which. I don’t have any new friends. I’ve been trying to keep in contact with them but get hardly any response.#tried to apologize and say I’d ’do better’#but am still getting little to no response#and. one girl sent me a screenshot with the fb group icon in the corner#and it was everyone except me#which. lovely.#and they’re acting like my life has been amazing and wonderful#when it’s been one thing after another with the move my friend dying and a bunch of other shit#so yeah sorry I’m a bit absent a lot is going on#and I feel like they think im lying to them or making it up#like. idk what to do anymore#this isn’t about anyone here btw#btw the person who sent the screenshot didn’t send it to be mean she was showing me something she was going for#and I pretended I didn’t see it and just acted happy for her#now I’m not even gonna bring up my stuff to these people at all#idk man#this just hurts
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“this site is so toxic!” always has been, always will be
#love others and let them love you but you’re on your own baby don’t ever forget#on this site* I mean HAHA#it’s ok to be sad about it (I know I am sometimes) but it’s really nothing new#also for the love of god stop worrying abt what ppl say in private#anyway posted this earlier but I feel better abt it now so I’m putting it back up#this isn’t for any of my followers or moots btw it’s just something I’ve always noticed when conflict has come up#it’s so funny bc we go thru this once every two months#people are mean social media breeds conflict water is wet!#peace and love#caitie blabs
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god you guys make all the bullshit worth it <3 love u
#i’m in such a different place than i was this time last year#don’t get me wrong i am TERRIFIED for next year and the next four years#that fear and helplessness hasn’t gone away whatsoever#but specifically about the sao fandom and my little life i’ve managed to carve for myself online… it’s much better#and it sucks i’ve had to cut so much out for it to be manageable! but! i’m alive!#(unrelated tags >) today i took a pregnancy test and oh boy that never gets less gross feeling when you have ocd germphobia#literally set the timer on my phone and then boiled my hand under hot water and soap and hand sanitizer 😭#and now i’m sitting curled up with some ice cream and my cat and i’m reading#reading foreign faction btw. i’ve got so many opinions and questions and it’s so heartbreaking that we’ll never know the truth#anyway. send some asks if you would like to ive missed you guys#and i’m sorry ive been so absent lately#WAIT DISCLAIMER I AM NOT PREGNANT AGAIN NOR ARE WE CURRENTLY TRYING i just had a test 😭
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sorry for the lighting but i feel like you can still tell what’s going on and it’s not like a portfolio picture so yay ya yay stuff from school now that it’s properly started :) we were doing self portraits inspired by books from the library and mine was a collection of sci fi movie posters which is something i’ve never done before :]
#obligatory personal stuff doesn’t get as much interaction but luckily i’m posting for ME!!! YIPPEEEEEE!!!!#artists on tumblr#sci fi art#and those will be my two tags for today :)#hoping to take a break from assignment and do a proper slimepompurin later today like i said i wanted to#not that i’ve ever been good at doing things ive said i want to do#cause i also want to print my ballot and do laundry#we did a little walk around look at other peoples work in their sketchbooks and write them sticky notes and i got six fucking sticky notes#everyone in the class had 3 each#like logically if everyone was at a sketchbook each time and didn’t double up the most you should get is three#i got six i was so overwhelmed but they were so nice#like i had to take anxiety meds but in a good way if u know what i mean#did wonders for my imposter syndrome i feel so much better#taking an illustration course btw!!! i’ve said that on my main but not here so if you look at my mess of tags you get that bit of lore#i’m an international student :) very scary but very excited i already feel good about it unless i forget to take meds in which case it feels#like i’m dying#medicated though!! i feel so excited i’ve always wanted to go to art school#and i did Not Like the US#so i’m in the Uk now and there aren’t guns everywhere and they know how to make stall doors properly thank god#more comfortable pissing here then i am in my home town#partially cause it’s illegal for me to do that in my home town
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the nice thing about having astigmatism, is that if i stand far enough away from the mirror and look at my face, i can interpret the softly blurred image of myself as feminine.
#hi btw#my egg cracked like a month ago lmao#amab transfem#is it weird that i feel weird saying that#like i’m one of those transfem people who doesn’t feel like a girl yet but wants to be one really badly#i wanna do some renovations to this account cause i’m on snris and i feel a bit better now#so i might post more in the future#sorry if i unfollow some of ya’ll#i wanna turn this grave into a garden
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Me because some of my favorite SAMS creators have the most incorrect opinions (I hate the characters they’re defending):
#like guys I’m sorry I just fucking hate them#I do not care if they had reasons for what they did they still did bad stuff 🙏#specifically nexus#eclipse is chill idrc#but#fuck it I’m going to make fun of Nexus for being edgy because he is knowingly being a terrible person#eclipse rn should totally be genuinely helped since he’s not really the eclipse that did all that shit#like omg please give him therapy he needs it#love him and Earths friendship#but I fucking hate when people try to explain his actions away#‘he felt guilty when he killed lunar’#ok skill issue fucking move on#/j btw#but yeah sorta too late to feel bad now#the best thing to do it to be better#(which he’s trying to do)#but other than that#fucking move ONNN#it’s in the past omg#‘it was traumatic!!’#fair#but guys#what if#we just#idk#treat him properly within the show?????#listen Edd is affecting me#I still dislike Eclipse but OUGH puppet EUGH#eclipse is a jerk but puppet makes him worse#ok I need to shut up
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Am so fucking done
#vent#this fucking irl group#not friends anymore#fuck them#but I will be damned if they get the last word at this point#they keep hurting my spouse#over and over#and over and over#and now the biggest issue is the way I handled it#leaving the fact that they were hurting and have been hurting as a FUCKING FOOTNOTE#Ugh#but of fucking pricks#so fucking done#my spouse deserves better#and so much love#so much love#they deserve people who actually value their time and effort#not people who constantly make them feel like shit and#left out of everything#sorry for vent btw#I’m just so fucking done
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#have the worst anxiety right now#like sorry i made 1 vague post about a person that wasn’t at all serious#but like i didn’t mention anyone by name and i never would#it’s okay not to like people btw especially if you have what you perceive to be a negative interaction#i’m literally a human being with my own problems and sometimes i say things without really meaning it or in the wrong way#i’ve tried so hard to be better like so hard#trust me if you were here for me in 2019/20 you would see how much i’ve grown as a person on this platform#anyway i’m sorry if i hurt anyones feelings#i’ll probably just log off for the night cos it’s really not worth the anxiety right now
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do u want me 2 kill that guy @ ur bfs party 4 u. guy sounds like literally the worst an I will have no issues doing it 4 u
thank you anon. i would love nothing more 💗
#i love you anon 😞 this is so sweet#YESSSS PPL READ MY TAGS!!!#but for real he’s just a weird person in general; once i was not spending lunch with my boyfriend since we were fighting and he had lunch#with his friends but our mutual friend stayed with me because usually the three of us have lunch together#but since me and the bf were fighting he didn’t want me to be alone; so it was. nice and the following day i had lunch with my other friends#and he had lunch with my boyfriend and his friends (since my boyfriend still wasn’t super happy / willing to have lunch with me)#and the same guy who was being mean at the party asked our mutual friend if ‘the backshots with lyss were good’#IN FRONT OF MY BF ??!!#like what ?!!!#he’s just a gross person but it’s okay#his hair looks like#the brown scene hair from roblox and he’s one of those stereotypical guys you see online the#omg she looks like a deftones song…. i love cats >_<!!! oh i dropped my feminist literature…. sorry….#he just made me a bit upset but it’s okay now!#im glad you are so kind about this anon; it makes me feel a lot better about the whole situation :)#i would do the same for you ; given the situation were to ever come#same with any of my followers!!!! i will fight to the death for any of you#LOL OKY enough ranting but for realsies; YOU ARE SO SWEET ANON I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH MY LITTLE BAESAUCE 🥹💗#baesauce is one of my epic vocab words; mix of awesome sauce and bae.#i forgot my ask tag uh oh#FRICK#ask!#that was so simple how did i manage to forget that#also btw if any of you ARE those stereotypical deftones + feminist literature people i’m sorry. it was just the best way to describe it#i bet you are wonderful
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