#I’m embarrassed of myself always
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I do have an alternative belty ass Glenn song I could do instead too. Maybe if we win I do both who knows.
#I have so much less written for this one#but I love belting#I take one clip of myself and go aw nice :3#it’s cringe to just dump clips tho#so it stays with me unless someone asks me cuz#I’m embarrassed of myself always#ugh#cringing#at me#dndads#dungeons and daddies#polls
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ok everybody block dnp on all socials they have eyes everywhere. they know way too much. those omniscient fuckers are always watching. no one is safe.
like what do you MEAN you know about those stupid “real voice” compilations and people absolutely clowning about jumpcuts and smudged whiskers and what do you MEAN you’re aware of those 2009 phan theories people still debate to this day? what happened to “i don’t check my indirects” “i don’t go on the tags”?? i bet you’re lurking RIGHT NOW reading this very post. all men do is lie. can’t trust anyone 😤😪
#/j#dnp#dan and phil#pinof#phan#gamingmas 2023#yeet my deet#dan howell#daniel howell#amazingphil#phil lester#danisnotonfire#i didn’t participate in the phandom until they came out#i was an older phannie i started watching at age 16#so i knew better#so this feels like i’m being punished for something i didn’t do#and having always been mortified and embarrassed by the shit yall would say back in the day#my only respite was “ok maybe dnp didn’t see this”#no they’ve seen EVERYTHING#you’re past is coming back to haunt you but your past is also coming back to haunt me lmao#to be clear i am part of the problem simply for consuming phan/phandom media at the time and therefore giving those videos views#but i was always terrified of the phandom#like i didn’t even consider myself part of the phandom for my first 4 years as a phannie#i was a closet demon phannie lol#i started participating after they came out and we were all actual adults about it and super respectful#i was like we’re all old and gay now i love this for us#yeet my deenp#bog
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Childhood encounter AU! BabbyGale got separated from his mom mushroom hunting and rather than stay put he ended up more lost trying to show off his navigation skills, luckily helping people lost in the woods is literally Asena’s whole upbringing.
They’re the same age but Asena is a runt.
#bg3 tav#bg3 fanart#bg3 gale#gale x tav#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#oc: asena#child au#spoiler: Asena does not give him back the basket#her mushrooms now#I have another sketch but it involves drawing a wolf and I’m not feeling it right now#I’m always impatient to post things as soon as they’re done#the amount the ‘no it’s like a really big dog’ made me chuckle to myself is frankly embarrassing#Idk why it didn’t occur to me until now that procreate has text and I don’t have to struggle to write legibly
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So, I'm super new to Thai BLs (as in, just started watching them a week ago, because I'm dumb and didn't realise how easy to access they were lmao) but I've watched a lot of romance (movies/shows) over the years, both queer and het. And I've seen a lot of onscreen couples with great chemistry!
Couples who look at each other in a way that makes you feel like you're intruding, or whose kisses (or more) are fire, or who do those longing looks that make you ache, or who are just so damn sweet together you get a toothache, etc. and so on. But I feel like it's rare to find two people who can do ALL of that really well?
But MileApo do (does?? IDK how to grammar with ship names lol) all of that extraordinarily well on top of being so. Fucking. Funny! Seriously. Finding comedic partners like that is a pretty rare thing too, I think
And then to balance all of that and have none of it feel forced??? To have two actors who have that comedic and dramatic range, who can be that vulnerable with each other, can play off each other like that, (and I think they're both really early in their careers? Like I said, I'm new here!), IDK... It's definitely special! All the praise I read beforehand was not undue
I know I'm so late to the party here but I'm just so blown away that I'm embarrassing myself by rambling on Tumblr but I needed to get my feelings out somewhere and where better than this hellsite haha (and sorry to my three followers who were here for Saltburn 🤣)
#kinnporsche#i could just not tag this but I want to find it again haha#And I’m not above publicly embarrassing myself 😜#Anyway I always feel awkward when I’m new to something lol#But whatever!#lazzarella watches tv
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bro i can watch gore in tv and i can even kinda sorta tolerate sex scenes but i cannot handle second-hand embarrassment. please get me out of here i want to die this is so humiliating i can’t watch this anymore
#daredevil#it’s so good but I’m stuck on this ep bc I can’t get past 1 minute of awkwardness#it’s been paused for the last 10 minutes i’m trying to comfort myself through it but it’s not working#S2 E7 Semper Fidelis is the ep btw#they’re at court and they need to give an opening statement and they’re woefully unprepared and Matt’s not there and ohhh my gosh 😧#this is so so embarrassing it’s painful#I always experience such strong second-hand embarrassment in everything 😭😭😭 hate it so much#my post
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letting me ramble abt my favourite media is dangerous bc if u change the subject I Will use “Yeah, but uh-“ to bring it back around don’t Even girl we’re in it now hold my hand
#staring at the floor waving my hands around while I explain the different tiers of Zelda items#which game has the best balance and use of their dungeon items…#it’s Minish cap btw IN MY HUMBLE OPINION#twilight is my favourite game but I think the dungeon items were a little bad in their reuse yknow#one and done for a lot of them#but in Minish you always have to reuse ur items through the game they’re always useful…#I’m spending my days lately with 5 hour Zelda play through Vods#I don’t like rambling usually bc if someone hits me with a single response I’ll kms SKDNSJAK like don’t let me embarrass myself‼️‼️‼️
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The man truly can’t take a genuine compliment 🙄
#my art stuff#digital art#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion#astarion ancunin#this is part of a series I like to call “I’m never settling on a singular detailed artstyle”#I have no consistency in drawing realistic people/characters other than my shapy cartoon style#but I truly don’t get enough opportunity to properly shade anything with art in that style-!!! it always looks weird to me-!!!!!#I think some rude lil worm in my brain is wriggling around telling me it’s a futile attempt at still doing realism#cus I’m one of those “gifted” artists that grew up promising his parents he’ll end up among the big names or whatever#constantly training to become better at art but with realism oil paintings as the goal#you know how it is 😔#I wanna shade my lil funky designs but they never feel good enough to really put energy into or whatever so I compromise with stuff -#- like this where I try to draw characters more accurately while still stylizing them and shading them however I feel like it#which is great and all but I should really learn to give my more relaxed and less perfectionist art a chance#I deserve to enjoy the process and the result without working myself dead#it’s so much easier and rewarding to copy cartoon styles - stylizing realism makes me too anxious of doing it “wrong”#at least cartoon styles give me a goal to reach or a reference to strive towards#man I really should just cut myself some slack altogether#either way - this man is a flustered mess and he’s embarrassed about being called adorable in public or something#being teased in an affectionate way about his sweeter side and stuff#don’t ask why he’s shirtless - anatomy is just a lot more fun for me to draw sometimes#tasteful nudity and all that is extremely gorgeous to me#i need to practice anatomy more cus I just kinda did some shit and went with it this time with a BIT of consideration for muscle structure
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so many times I’ll go out and socialize and then come back and have a breakdown because I don’t think I act “normal” and it’s like why can’t I act like everyone else
#like went to this show at the gay bar and I just couldn’t bring myself to raise my glass or dance whenever prompted#I’ve always been like this like doing something coordinated with many other people is so embarrassing to me#I literally stand in the bar like blade lmao I can’t bring myself to dance so everyone#definitely sees me as aloof and I’m hardly ever approached
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five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
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My god I need to finish this website so I can write diary entries and not be this obvious abt it
#ive lost part of the embarrassment of splaying my thoughts out here when I need to get them out since I ramble in the tags anyway#but a small part of me gurgles and whines nooo ohh no its gonna show up on my precious mutuals timeline noooo#then again idek what I would write for the purpose of keeping a journal than share my wretched visions as they come the way I’m doing now#im so bored. ive always had sleep problems when it comes to drifting off so getting sedated was really nice for once#listening to minecraft music helps because I drift off focusing to each piano key and note so thats an improvement#but like I wanna work on this stupid website but idk how to start like it feels daunting somehow#I’m gonna get it done either way but I have to do it feeling whatever this emotion is and I know this but guh. bbbhhuhgb#also wtf would I even put on that thing. I can see myself getting bored of it really quickly as soon as I feel like I’ve done all I can#but i still wanna have everything in one place where I can do whatever I want with the css/html#diary#yapping#I wonder if I can get them to extract the rest of my wisdom teeth just so I have smth to do
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let’s please pretend i didn’t do a post on this yesterday! but i literally didn’t include anything new year related i was just giving out so much personal anecdotes about my life so i don’t rlly want that out there anymore <3. new year odesta hcs take ii pls if you saw the original draft of this no you didn’t!! thanks so much
• eating 12 grapes at midnight is a must
• annie and finnick are welcoming the new year by etching their name into the sand
• when the tide washes it away (rude) they decide to carve their initials into a palm tree. this is an annual thing for them
• there is still the drunk proposal + marriage ceremony. johanna is a witness. as per usual
• the ring is just a chipped seashell finnick finds on the beach. annie still loves it bc duh they’re getting married
• end of the year kiss. johanna starts slut shaming them both for it (affectionately)
• expanding on the whole “drunk makeover” thing, i think annie would do everyone’s makeup + put on a fashion show. finnick is capturing it all
• okay last one that isn’t new years related but i was funny as fuck for including this in the last post: chicken fight where odesta is on one team and their opponents are people who can’t swim
• ending the night w some fish and chips. a nye delicacy lol
#odesta#annie cresta#so sorry for that last night how embarrassing#y’all know idgaf when it comes to personal anecdotes abt myself bht it was just so overly specific#idgaf abt that either but not when it comes to ppl i hang out w all the time like we were just doing stuff and i was like ok but odesta#so like#i’m gonna have to chill w the cactus coolers going into 2024#something abt that and dr pepper always has me acting a certain way
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My mom getting a new place is kinda making me anxious I think she thinks I’m gonna move in w her instead of my dad 😭 and I’m not sure why I don’t want to. Cuz she’s way better. But I don’t. And I feel responsible I think and plus my sisters will never favor my mom over my dad… so we’d live apart. but I’m 20 years old I can live whatever I want. But. But but but
#idk I really like our house too. it’s great. it’s exactly my style. I would miss it LMAO#but again my mom is just.. she’s so much more organized and she and my stepdad actually get stuff done#and take care of themselves. living w her would be more like we’re roommates and not how it is w my dad#who needs to be taken care of and doted on like a child. my sisters too but I don’t think they’d survive living without me at my dads 💀#or they’d be really pissed at me. at the least#my dads house is constantly horrible so messy so so so bad no free counterspace anywhere can barely walk thru the house and cat vomit#everywhere. unless I take care of all of it. I can’t have company over unless I know a week in advance so I can make it look like a normal#house. and at my moms it’s never like that. it’s messier than average sure but it’s never disgusting like that#people are always telling me not to do anything and let my family learn to clean up after themselves but if I don’t it will just get worse#and worse. they’ll wait weeks before doing anything. it’s embarrassing. and depressing. if I let it go long enough I am miserable every day#after being homeless or on the verge of homelessness for 10 years my dad can’t even appreciate the fantastic house we have 😭#he has to fuck it all up. it’s not 100% his fault bc my sisters do fuck all but he DID teach them to be this way. the only reason I do#anything is because I snapped out of planning to kill myself and realized that I needed to be there for my sisters. so I started being like#their parent more and more. but they still never learned to unload the dishwasher or take out the trash without screaming about it.#I’m just very overwhelmed and nervous about this move. I also feel horrible as if I’m disappointing my mom if I don’t move in. I don’t want#to disappoint her any more than I already have..#she is soooo excited about giving me a room the basement so I can have my bunnies there..
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if you speak english and you are bilingual… what is a word in english you always forget? (curious because of an actual conversation i had).
#bilingual#bilingualism#esl#<- i’m not esl but i’m sure y’all can relate#i forgor#multilingual#even though bilingual is literally the same thing bi is multi but whateverrrrrer#I MEANT TO SAY THIS YESTERDAY OMG#anyways it’s treadmill idk why i can’t remember that word in english…#i deadass said that i forgot then said caminadora (he doesn’t speak spanish to my knowledge) and then i had to mime in with my fingers until#i remember the word myself i was sooo embarrassed csggdghdgjj idk why it’s such a random word to forget lol#evidence of life#me: *thinks in spanglish* *lives in an anglophone dominate province* *having a conversation in english*#me: ‘caminodora’ *ok yes but can we translate that into english* brain: i forgor#my tags are a mess here apologies about the mistakes leaving them as a testament <3#anyways i’m trying say is there an english word you can basically say in other language(s) but always forget it in english
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there is nothing that makes me quite more suicidal than fucking something up or not doing something at all than “you’re a grown adult” wow thanks I didn’t fucking notice. Did you know that I have a mental block that prevents me from understanding literally anything in simple terms
#you have to sit me down and walk me through this shit. ok#I have heard this both from strangers and people I trust and it hurts every fucking time. that is not the help you think it is.#and if I’m not worth the time where as an adult you have to actually talk to me and explain things in detail#and that’s a liability to you#I’m killing myself#I am not joking. I am done fucking around#the next person to tell me this I might actually just bite your head off. do you know how embarrassing this is for me#like wow it’s hard to watch huh? imagine being the one doing it.#and then coming to the realization that you actually cannot support yourself and will always have to rely on another person-#is fucking humiliating. you cannot understand how this feels
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insane how quickly something small can tank my mood
#i am so tired of being cut off when i’m talking#esp when someone doesn’t even care enough to realize i was over halfway through a sentence#and doesn’t ask what i was saying#or when they just make it incredibly obvious they weren’t paying attention or outright don’t care what i’m talking about#even when i’m talking super excitedly#it makes me feel so fucking small and unimportant#like yeah i guess the shit i say doesn’t matter 99% of the time but it matters to ME#but it hurts so bad when i get cut off only for someone else to say stuff entirely unrelated#and to then just like. stream of consciousness ramble every thought that enters their head#like okay. cool. awesome. alright#my mom does that all the time i’ll be telling her something and then i’ll get cut off or she’ll wait til i’m done#to out of nowhere start telling me super in depth life histories of people she hasn’t seen since she was a child. or people i don’t know.#and it’ll always be so in depth about so many people idk OR so fucking vague i get confused as hell#in the typical boomer just needs to talk at someone or hear their own voice way (sorry ily mom)#and i know i can go on for ages about fandom shit that confuses her or she doesn’t know about but#idk. i do not have much else in my life right now. and i only have her and my sibling and very very few friends that aren’t online#and even irl friends i only see a couple times a year each if i’m lucky#i just hate my life lol and i need to stop before i spiral#i have already gone on long enough and will be embarrassed when i come back to delete this because honestly who gives a shit#i need to get over myself#to be deleted#personal
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Really really excited to compare Martha, Esther, and Agnes when theyre all grown up!!! I hope I can convince my mom to show them for me! Theyre all from really good lines, and they look great so far! Also i just need to send in a couple papers and tattoo Agnes and they’ll be registered soooo 🙂🧡
#id show them myself but i have ermmmmm really bad anxiety about that stuff#i’m working on walking them a ton because nubians are especially bad at things like that#also my mom has been showing goats forever and she’s really good 🧡#my mom has always had alpines so messed up for me to have nubians but 🧡#also all the goat people we know haaaate nubians but i get it they’re really annoying and stupid sometimes 🧡#theyre almost all alpine people#im an embarrassment with my floppy loud things 💔#goats
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