#I’m coming at it from my perspective specifically so I don’t mind sharing this video idea
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r0semultiverse · 2 years ago
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I’m going to make a Black Butler retrospective video essay from the perspective of a queer person thing sometime in the future maybe hopefully before the reboot starts in 2024. Going to be covering the manga-canon anime content as well as maybe the filler parts after I read the manga proper. Something something is this worth watching in 2024. Focusing on how Grell is handled & depicted as well as the other characters. Has it aged well? Is it worth a rewatch? You’ll find out when I make the video.
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heph · 7 months ago
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TLDR: Got any drawing exercises to recommend?
I’m in loooove with the way you use lines, shapes and colors/shading to show form in your art. The way you draw bodies shows a lot of understanding of the shapes that go into them, and that’s something I often personally struggle with. I’m familiar with the shapes of a face, but when it comes to connecting them to the shapes of the body and so on, I get frustrated that it’s jumbled instead of cohesive.
I was wondering, when you’re looking to practice, whether that’s anatomy, line-making, still life shapes or whatever, do you have any exercises you’ve done and would be willing to share? I’ve been trying to crawl out of the no-art-depression-hole for a bit and want to start with things that don’t take much willpower but help me improve
I might be the worst person to ask this! My relationship with art is not typical and I do not practice mindfully! (I just draw whatever I want and that's my practice, y'know?
Anyways, here's my progress of how I learnt to draw :3
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Step 1 is proportions - breaking up the human body into manageable blocks and pieces. And step 2 is learning the muscles that build up the body, and from there you can simplify as needed... Or do that thing anime art kids do and skip directly to the simplified bit! (You probably shouldn't do that but if it's a hobby who cares!)
For specific tutorials, I find that proko is probably the best mix of entertaining/educational content you can find, but aside from that I watch a lot of speedpaints.
As a sort of get rich quick scheme, I think the absolute easiest way to get stupidly good at art is studying perspective - but you at least need a basic understanding of proportions and anatomy before you can draw someone in a funky perspective.
Everything in life is in perspective, and every piece of work you will ever make will have perspective in it. Perspective is sort of like an all-encompassing thing in our reality that you don't realise is there, and maybe even not realise is missing in your work (just that something feels... Wrong) AND LIKE NOBODY EVER TALKS ABOUT IT! WHAT THE FLIP!!!
I don't really have a specific source for learning perspective, because I've been on-and-off trying to wrap my head around it for a few years (I'm still awful at it but I'm getting there...!) here's a video!
I do think that drawing with progression in mind might help, but I think with art (as a hobby) the most important thing is probably love for a special guy and joy of creation. You have to love what you're drawing and the simple act of creating, or it just won't work out. If you're in a depression hole maybe just try creating for the sake of it, and don't give yourself too many expectations :)
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linklethehistorian · 3 months ago
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Linkle’s Fazbear Frights & Lore Insights YouTube Video Script #1: Into the Pit
[Video Link]
[YouTube Channel]
[Masterlist of completed Fazbear Frights articles on Tumblr]
(The following is the script of the YouTube Video linked above. In order to encourage watching the video in order to receive early access to new content, all YouTube Video scripts will be released at roughly one month or more after the posting of a new video. Thank you for your understanding.)
Hello, everybody! It’s Linkle and, this will be my first video on this new channel! Yay! 
If you’ve been following me for awhile on my other accounts, you know that I put out a poll asking people if they would like to hear my thoughts on the Fazbear Frights books, and any potential lore relevancy they may have to the main canon universe of FNAF (AKA the universe that most, if not all, of the mainline games take place in — as well as some of the non-mainline games, too, like FNAF World).
With the ‘no’ option taking up just 15% of the final results, the answer was an overwhelming and resounding ‘yes’.
Well, after a little while of getting into the flow of releasing those articles in written form, I have finally decided to get over my stage fright and also begin recording them in the form of public YouTube videos, where I know a majority of the FNAF community congregates.
Disclaimer & Important Notes
Since this will be an on-going series that may take many months or even years to fully complete, and I obviously cannot expect everyone who chooses to watch one of these to first pause the video and go watch another that contains the important pre-article notes and disclaimers, I have decided that I will instead be stitching this section into every single video I create, as well as adding additional, story-specific notes and disclaimers at the tail end of it.
While I intend to break this video up into chapters to begin with, I will also try to leave a timestamps in the description for you to click, in order to jump to the unique part of the disclaimers and notes for each story should you already be familiar with the generic ones, as well as timestamps for other sections of the video you may be interested in jumping to. 
That being said, I would be grateful if you would watch the whole thing through, as I someday hope to have this channel monetized, and from what I know, watch time is very important when it comes to YouTube.
Now, with that out of the way, please bear the following information in mind:
1: I feel it very important to note that I am a ‘Frights Fiction’ truther, and my videos will be written from that perspective, as such.
If you don’t know what ‘Frights Fiction’ is, it is a very specific position in which some people stand that states that while the books are canon to the main game universe, they are canon only in the same sense that the video games commissioned by Fazbear Entertainment LLC were — that is to say, they are an in-universe Goosebumps-like book series created by the company in order to help profit off of and continue to discredit the actual tragedies that occurred within the world, by mixing up truths with untruths and exaggerating events they then sell as fiction, slapping a name reminiscent of the former attraction — Fazbear’s Fright — on the cover, just for extra effect.
If you are not a subscriber to ‘Frights Fiction’ and are not willing to remain to the idea, please be respectful and just click off of the video. I am not interested in seeing people starting some grand debate over whether or not you subscribe to it; I’m just here to share my thoughts with those who are interested, so I would be appreciative if you did not try to start arguments in my comment sections over it. I’m sure there are very many great FNAFtubers out there who will agree with you on your stance and be more to your liking, and if there aren’t, then I wholly encourage you to be the one to start the tradition and film your own video that better suits your own perspectives.
2: I do not particularly intend to get into explaining or defending the concept of Frights Fiction as a whole in these posts, so if you are genuinely interested in the concept, but have never heard of it before, there are many good videos out there which explain the concept quite well; my personal recommendation if you’re interested in the topic is GiBi’s Horror Homestead, who is not only a fantastic FNAFtuber in general, but who is going through each book bit by bit and pointing out all of the evidence to support the theory. 
Given that his 9 hour main canon lore video was the entire reason I fell so deeply in love with FNAF in the first place, I would be remiss not to plug and recommend him at every chance I can get. Although he may not yet carry the big name of those like Game Theory, Dawko, or FuhNaff, he is truly one of the most thoughtful and insightful FNAFtubers out there who actually elevates others within the community (even those he disagrees with), and I truly believe he deserves much more notoriety than he gets for it.
3: These analyses will inevitably hinge on my personal understanding of FNAF canon lore regarding the games, and, yes, will include both theorizing with facts and evidence, and likely a lot of speculation, as well. If you disagree with a stance I have regarding canon, again, I refer you to matter #1; please be respectful and move on. I’m not here to discuss anything except the relevance that the books could have in regards to the lore, in accordance with the Frights Fiction stance, and I would thus appreciate you keeping things on topic.
4: There will be spoilers for the Frights Fiction stories discussed in each video, along with the games from the mainline canon. Obviously. If you don’t want to be spoiled on a specific story or on any of the games, don’t watch the video in question until you’ve read the story you want to read or played the game you want to play.
Certain videos may also contain spoilers for other games and/or stories or books. In each case, those warnings will be added to the tail end of this section on the individual videos in question. You can look in the description for a timestamp to jump to the unique notes and disclaimers that will contain these things if you don’t want to wait through this entire section.
5: I’m calling the Crying Child “Garret”. It’s the only name he canonically has in any form of the series that doesn’t require puzzle solving to come to the conclusion of, and it’s my preference. If you like any other name, just mentally replace it in your head when you read it.
I don’t want to wade through thousands of comments telling me, “Actually, the crying child’s name is Dave”, or “I call the crying child Evan” or anything of the like. I know. I know basically every name out there under the sun that exists. I just don’t want to use those names — plain and simple. 
I respect your own picks; all I ask is that you don’t try to force them onto me.
6: It should be noted that, as Scott has confirmed in a decently recent interview with Dawko that he just writes down the basic plot of his stories and all the important points he wants to cover, and then lets the another author flesh it out more fully, we have no way of knowing outside of the main plot exactly what details are his ideas and which aren’t; therefore, there’s a good chance that a few, or even multiple, of the things I bring up are just massive coincidence and have no meaning whatsoever in reality. I do think there’s value in discussing it nevertheless, but still, that inherent uncertainty is why I will often try to provide more than just one or two details to back up most of my more elaborate interpretations and ideas; if we can’t be sure that any one single minute detail within the books has value — unless of course it’s something Scott has specifically said is important — then I find it a little shaky to place too much importance on them individually.
7: While I will be giving my general impressions of each book as I go along and probably sharing where it ranks currently out of all the stories I’ve read, I do not have any serious intentions to do a deep dive on them beyond how it regards the lore implications of the games. If you’re looking for someone who’s going to break down the books word by word and analyze, in a meta way, what they could be trying to say and possible interpretations of their messages in terms of being a standalone story, this series of posts is probably not for you. For that, I again will recommend GiBi’s Horror Homestead, as he is currently doing the deep dives of exploring themes and general symbolism and interpretations outside of just the FNAF lore, as well as looking for evidence of the Frights Fiction stance he already currently takes, and it’s very interesting and thought-provoking.
Into the Pit-Specific Notes
Today, we’re going to be kicking off this video series by talking about Into the Pit (the story, I should clarify, not the entire Fazbear Frights volume).
For Into the Pit’s analysis, I’m going to need you to note the following:
First of all, I will be discussing the video game adaption version of this story to a limited degree, since, as per ‘Frights Fiction’, it would be a video game that exists in-universe in the main FNAF canon as an adaption of the fictional horror story by the same name, and thus is equally important to examine when talking about potential lore relevancy. If you don’t want spoilers, save this video and come back later after you’ve experienced the game for yourself.
Secondly, I will (mostly) be dismissing any Easter eggs throughout the game version that do not have a crucial part in the story, since Frights Fiction would largely dictate that — unless they do not conflict with the main canon and would genuinely bring something of value to the table in terms of discussion — these merely exist because the game was made within the context of all of the various in-universe fictionalized stories. In other words, most of the Easter Eggs that exist out-of-universe are still just Easter Eggs in-universe, too.
And among all of those, there are two in particular that I do want to knock out of the running for very specific reasons, but since discussing individual Easter Eggs within the game would technically be considered spoilers, it will have to be saved for the actual main analysis section of the video, instead of being thrown out here.
Lastly, apart from where I feel it relevant, I will not be doing a deep-dive into the changes between the book and the game, either, since they are both fictional media within the FNAF universe, and thus the retcons and changes mostly have no value in the discussion of the lore or canon. If someone else wants to scream about how they feel the book was done dirty because of how much they got wrong in the game or something, I absolutely encourage you to go write your own article or make your own video! There are definitely a lot of not-insignificant changes between the two, so I can understand if someone was bothered by that. This video just isn’t about that.
…And I believe that will do it for the disclaimers and notes section. If you haven’t left already and you’re worried about spoilers for anything, this is your final warning to click off the video and come back later. 
I’ll give you a good few seconds to make up your mind and leave if necessary.
…We good? Alright, let’s dive into the main bulk of the video, then.
Into the Pit Analysis
Alright, since this is the first video in the series, let me briefly explain how this format is going to work:
Each analysis is going to be broken up into two major sections: ‘Overall Impressions’, where I talk about my general feelings on the story outside of dissecting the implications it has on the lore, and ‘Lore Relevancy’, where I’ll be talking about everything potentially lore-related.
In both of those sections, we will then have a couple of sub-sections: for the ‘Overall Impressions’ section, if a particular story has any adaptations outside of the original book, there will be subsections dedicated to each different form of media it appears in. In the ‘Lore Relevancy’ section, we will have two subsections — with one being ‘The Lies and Half-Truths’, where we will discuss both anything that we know is definitely not relevant to the FNAF main canon lore and anything that is somewhat based on true events, but confirmably not entirely, and ‘The Truths and Likely Truths’, where we will discuss anything that we can confirm or otherwise be reasonably certain is true, as well as things that seem likely to be true but are not as easily comfortable – which, for ease of determining which is which, will each be divided into two respective sub-subsections.
And now that you understand how this is going to work, let’s get to discussing and analyzing!
Overall Impressions
The Book:
I mean, I liked it. Because I wanted to go into it without any preconceived notions about the story, I had been waiting until after I finished playing the video game adaption to read this, and I’m glad that I did, it’s just… getting used to the formatting of the books was a bit…unusual, for me.
I had seen the comic version of Fetch prior to all of this, but I’d never read the actual story, so there was a lot I really didn’t know to expect with the Fazbear Frights books, in those regards? For example, the constant use of ‘said’ is definitely not to my particular writing style tastes, and there were several times when I thought denoting who the speaker was wasn’t necessary at all, but, thankfully, when you’re consuming it in the form of an audiobook (which I did), you can usually tune that sort of thing out and not notice it as much as you would if the words were staring you in the face all the time.
As for the story itself, yeah, I’d say I enjoyed it! Oswald, on the whole, is a very likable kid with sympathetic plights, his mom is cool, and his father seems like a good and surprisingly not one-dimensional character, for as little time as he’s actually present in the book; throughout the story, we get a pretty good feel for who his family is and how much they care for each other, in spite of the fact that the slow death of the town they live in has left them struggling, and some of the choices that were made in the aftermath were not exactly the best. 
One thing I particularly appreciate is that no character feels out of place or unnecessary in the book version of the story, which, as I’ll get into in the next subsection, I unfortunately can’t really say about the game.
I admittedly do feel that having Oswald immediately find his father again with minimal trouble once he got back to the ballpit was a…bit of an anticlimactic thing to have happen, when I believe it had only been a day since he was kidnapped in the first place; however, I know that this opinion was partially influenced by the fact that the game adaption was my first foray into the story, and, in reality, the book actually makes phenomenally more sense for its choice and raises far less difficult-to-answer questions, so it probably just comes down to a matter of personal preference, in the end, in regard to this — especially when the two are so wildly different in so many other ways, as well. 
I think, overall, I do like the book version the most, in terms of the story, but I appreciate more what new things the game brought to the table in terms of lore relevance (which I’ll discuss in the ‘lore relevancy’ section, obviously).
They’re both good in their own ways.
The Game: 
I don’t have a lot to add here in terms of the characters or their personalities, since, for as many differences as the two renditions may have, a lot of this particular aspect of the story is the same. 
The only character that I’d say somehow feels both slightly more irrelevant and slightly also too relevant in the game version is Dylan Cooper, the bully at Oswald’s school. This may just be me, but the reason that I say this is because they make quite a very big deal about the fact that Dylan finds Oswald at the dump on the second to last day of the game. Not only that, but during this scene, they have Dylan laugh and act very suspiciously, in an oddly menacing way — so much so that I thought for a moment that they were going to have him get directly involved with the main plot in some manner, which he really didn’t.  I think it would’ve been better to just keep his role exactly the same as it was in the book, rather than adding more to him and playing it up in a way that lead one to think that something bigger was going to happen.
Furthermore, the lack of inclusion of any mention of Oswald’s best friend, Ben, removes some of the feeling behind why Oswald is so frustrated with his life situation and his Dad, which I think is a bit of a shame after reading the book.
On the plus side of characters and their development, though, the added ability to pick up the Dad’s items and view little stories about Oswald and his family is a really nice touch that I appreciated, and Oswald thinking in one of them about how much his Mom losing her husband would devastate her was absolutely heartbreaking. 
As for some of the other changes the game made, I have very mixed feelings; although I did think it was cool to have the search for Oswald’s Dad extend for a few days and give us a longer glimpse into the past in doing so, it also raises many more questions in terms of a) why there were several additional kids that Oswald had to rescue, b) whether the kids in the Party Room at the beginning of the game were even dead in that version, because it was never properly addressed like it was in the book and thus left room for doubt, and c) the actions of Spring Bonnie (or the Yellow Thing™️, as it is called in the original story) throughout, which I could also get into, but I feel might warrant an entire video itself. (If you’re interested in that, maybe drop me a comment and I’ll cover it sometime.) 
Also, all the random Easter eggs are super cool, but I feel like anyone who somehow thinks the books and the games based on them are actual 1:1 events that happened, and not just in-universe books and games, are going to use tons of these to go wild with theories about retcons and all of that sorts of stuff that is just…clearly not the case, so…meh. I’m divided.
As for gameplay, it…it’s good! It’s the first FNAF game to have different difficulty settings at the start (except UCN), which is awesome, though I feel like quite honestly, it’s the easiest game of them all, as well. I have no difficulty whatsoever beating it on Frightening mode (the normal mode), and can barely tell the difference from Creepy (easy mode), which…I haven’t played the other modes yet, so I can’t comment on those completely, but I suspect I could easily beat the hardest one with minimal issue, to be honest.
Now, whether that’s a good thing or not is probably going to vary by personal opinion, but…I don’t know, for me, despite being an easy mode lover in most games, not having any level of tension while playing this game somehow just…made it feel very much not like FNAF for me, and not necessarily in the most positive of ways.
Now, that isn’t to say I didn’t like the game, but, it did take a little bit of the essence of FNAF away, and…I feel like in horror games, you should not be able to feel like there is never any real tension involved while playing. Again, this is just personal opinion, but, that’s my stance, at least.
But! I think we all know that’s not really what you’re here to have me go on about, is it? You all want to hear about lore relevancy, so…let’s just get on with that.
Lore Relevancy
In what is an extremely ironic turn of events, despite this story — out of all of the four I’d listened to at the time of writing this, at least — having the most blatant connection to the game’s canon lore, I honestly think that this will probably be one of the books that I have the least to say about in terms of breaking that down and going over it, mostly because I feel that it being so heavily tied to a specific part of the canon we know a lot about from the games just….really makes it blatantly clear which parts we definitely can’t trust.
So, most importantly, I guess let’s start with some examples of the one advantage Into the Pit has over nearly every other book in the series that I’m aware of thus far: the things it tells us that we can know aren’t true.
The Lies and Half-truths
Funnily enough, the thing we know we can absolutely discard the most is any of the details of the murders that happened in 1985 — at least, in the way Into the Pit presents them.
In the book (and perhaps the game? The image isn’t clear enough to be sure), there are six victims — not to mention the game adding a whole potential four other children whom Spring Bonnie tried and failed to kill thanks to Oswald — but we know for a fact that, while William had six victims total when we’re including Charlie Emily, there were only the five at most who died inside the restaurant during that year. So can we trust the number of victims? No.
Can we trust the method they died in, then…? Also no; in both the book and its game adaption, we are painted a scene of families and kids running and screaming in terror from a monster that was mass nabbing and killing kids, but we know for a fact, from multiple canon games both old and new, that William lured the children into the back before killing them covertly, and was never actually seen doing it except in costume via cameras. Furthermore, this must have happened one by one and not all at once, contrary to what Into the Pit purports, as the order in which they died is brought up several times in the more recent canon games as being in some way worthy of mentioning — which it most definitely would not if their deaths only varied by a matter of seconds or minutes at best.
So what can we trust in and rely on about the MCI (Missing Children’s Incident) murders? Well, honestly, just that it takes place in 1985. That’s literally it. That’s all that’s definitely relevant to the canon of the main games from this story in any way, when it comes to the MCI itself.
Now, that’s not to say there’s nothing else in the story that’s of note at all, though; there’s actually a lot that I think is worth paying attention to and speculating on, it’s just that very little of it actually has to do with the crime that was committed, as most of that is, unsurprisingly, heavily played up, exaggerated, and sensationalized; after all, that’s the entire in-universe purpose of these books and games existing — to discredit and make light of the real events by turning bits and pieces of them into spooky fictional stories.
Before we get into what I think is of value, though, let’s just rule out two more things from the game version of Into the Pit that I think we need to firmly take off the table — namely, the toy airplane from the FNAF movie which is on a table in the room where Oswald’s Dad is being held captive, and the photo taken from the Silver Eyes trilogy of Henry beside a fully mascot-costumed William, which was placed in the shadows on the wall in the same area.
These are literally both just Easter Eggs referencing alternate universe stories with no relevancy to the lore, and I want to make that very clear before we begin to move forward.
How do I know this for certain? It’s very easy, actually.
With the airplane, there is literally no way that this has any implications on the lore, because Garret — the one whom the plane belonged to — was not one of William’s victims within the canon of the main games; he was William’s son, who died tragically from an accident that occurred during one of Michael’s pranks, and became the catalyst for everything that William did in FNAF in the first place.
And as for the photo, we already have a brand-new picture of William and Henry that is acknowledged and picked up by Oswald in-game, not to mention crucially recognized by Spring Bonnie himself and absolutely required for the true ending. And in this photo — both in black and white within the in-game and out-of-game trophies achieved when picking it up, and in color in the unused data — the two look entirely different from how that alternate universe portrays them, with Henry maintaining his design from the official Encyclopedia, and William possessing a (as far as I am aware) mostly new and unique design of his own. I apologize to anyone who actually likes the Silver Eyes trilogy’s designs for them, but seriously, there is just no reason to assume that we should trust something that is barely visible and placed on a random wall in shadows, over something that actually has plot relevance to the game itself and is required to get the true ending.
If William and Henry are being given a canon design for the main universe, it’s absolutely the new photo that we were shown, not some other old one tossed in as an Easter Egg.
Oh, and lastly, but definitely still very importantly, in the game version of Into the Pit, there’s also some implication that Oswald’s dad may very well have been the Freddy Bully, one of Michael’s friends, who participated in the prank that led to Garret’s death. Considering Oswald’s Dad’s unwillingness to talk about what happened in regards to Freddy’s in the book, and the fact that Help Wanted 2 strongly implies Cassie’s father is Bonnie Bully, this makes it very likely that we are now being given information in some form about Michael’s various former cohorts when he was a teenager, and how William seems to hold a grudge against all of them in some shape or form, and they frequently met bad fates. 
Obviously, the events of the story couldn’t have played out as they did in the main canon, because of the numerous impossible discrepancies we’ve already discussed, but it does make me wonder if Oswald’s dad really did in some way meet a terrible fate or have a brush with William in some context, at some point in his life.
It’s a very interesting thing that I have seen the more recent FNAF games delving into, and it is something that I am very interested in.
The Truths and the Likely-Truths
So, we’ve talked about the lies, but what about the story do I think does have relevance to the lore of the main canon? What do I think the story is trying — or could be trying — to tell us?
Let’s dive right in.
The things I KNOW are True
Well, first of all, as I said before, that the MCI takes place in 1985. Within the FNAF fandom, dates of various important events are constantly being discussed and speculated upon to death, even when the answer seems blatantly obvious, so I absolutely believe that this was Scott stepping in and waving a hand in front of everyone’s face again in order to fully confirm that this was the year these victims died.
Secondly, and perhaps most excitingly for me personally, the plot-relevant photograph used to get the true ending has finally given us canon designs for the main game universe version of William and Henry, after ten years of them not technically having any fully confirmed physical appearances. It may not seem like much on the surface, but this really is a monumental milestone in FNAF, and I absolutely think it should be celebrated.
Both of those things are pretty on-the-nose, though. I don’t think anyone really needs convincing of those facts, and, if they do, me pointing out the obvious again probably isn’t going to be the big thing that convinces them, so…moving on, let’s see what else we can glean or make note of in the story that we haven’t already discussed in a previous part of the video.
Well, we can definitely infer, looking at it from the perspective of Frights Fiction, that the IPs referenced in the books which are familiar to us must also exist within the main FNAF universe, since these stories are in-universe tales being made for and marketed to the people of that world. It’s not really a big or ground-breaking detail, but I do think it’s a pretty cool little side note to consider for those of us interested in the greater world-building of FNAF.
We can certainly confirm, if nothing else, that some of the posters and drawings shown in the game version of Into the Pit were real, since they were in some of the canon main games, too, but I think there might also be more to the value of the games’ visuals; obviously, this can’t be said with absolute certainty, and I encourage someone to correct me if I’m wrong on this particular subject, but I think we can reasonably come to the conclusion that the MCI took place in a building that likely looked a lot, if not exactly, like the 1985 version of the building we get to visit in the game version of Into the Pit, back in its heyday. I don’t usually want to put things I’m not 100% certain of in this section, but I think that it matches up pretty well enough with what we know of the place to say that this is a decently accurate depiction — probably, anyway, unless there’s something I’m forgetting about.
Furthermore, it’s…quite likely that this story confirms that Foxy had already been temporarily retired in 1985 in preparation of making the failed Toy Foxy that became Mangle, since it’s mentioned in the Into the Pit game (I can’t recall if it was the same in the book) that he wasn’t in use and would be gone for awhile, and there’s no reason in particular to doubt that this is true, as it doesn’t conflict with any known information.
The way that Spring Bonnie goes unnoticed by everyone but Oswald in the story is….also interesting; I definitely feel that the intended “cause” of this that the book is playing off of is an illusion disc, and that, from an out-of-universe perspective, this is Scott once again drawing us back to this concept to remind us that it exists, especially since it seems highly likely based on FNAF 4 and UCN that the Nightmare Animatronics were, in fact, the FNAF 1 animatronics effected by illusion discs. (If you’re interested, I recommend checking out GiBi’s long FNAF video here. The video will be linked above, if I figure out how to do that, in the information tab in the upper-left hand corner of the video. If I haven’t figured it out, then it will be linked down in the description.)
Having the privilege of having listened to a few stories already at the time of writing this, I can say that this is something that is present in at least one other story so far, too, even within the very same book. Just something to note, I suppose.
And then, lastly, we have the general…theme of wills and wishes that seems to keep popping up in most Fazbear Frights stories I’ve read.
I know it’s explicitly stated on the back of this volume that the theme of every main story in Into the Pit delves into exactly that — getting what you wish for, but maybe not in the way you actually imagined it being — but having read as much as I have at the point of re-scripting this for a video, I can absolutely say that it runs much deeper than just the one volume. 
The concept of someone’s will being able to shape reality to some extent is such an underlying, intrinsic part of FNAF that it isn’t just Into the Pit or even the Fazbear Frights books as a whole that it permeates — it’s at least the Silver Eyes trilogy, too, with Henry’s pain and sorrow — and even later his anger — over Charlie’s death having the power to essentially bring her back to life in the form of a living doll, through his own tears.  I’m not 100% clear yet on what it is that’s trying to be said here, but I know that something is being said, and I know that it’s important. I do have some theories on what that could be, but I’ll get to those another time. Just…bear that in mind for now.
For now, all that matters is that you understand that it is there. In this story, Oswald wished for something more interesting to happen, and oh boy, did it happen. The inclusion of it in this story may be a little subtle comparatively to some others, but it’s there; it’s supposed to be there.
I know that in his analyses of this volume, GiBi later states that he feels the stated “theme” of it was just tacked on at the last minute to tie these stories together, but believe me, it’s not. There’s an entire story at the beginning of the very next volume that proves that it’s not.
You just have to trust me on this for now. Keep it in mind. It’s important. It’s so important.
And, on one other but similar note, this particular entire book — including Into the Pit, To Be Beautiful, and Count the Ways — for reasons you’ll see going forward as we review each story, definitely also have a theme going on of “Feeling unlovable, unwanted, and like life is meaningless in its current state”…. This will come up eventually in a future post. I promise. Just bear it in mind for now. 
The things I FEEL are True
Okay, now that we’ve talked about the absolute certainties, let’s get a little bit more into the still solid but nonetheless speculative, and the personal interpretations.
There aren’t many things I want to cover in this section today, because, as I’ve said, a lot of the things that Into the Pit talks about are very easily better slotted into the more definitive category, but, there are a few things that I do want to bring up, and some of them are still very important and meaningful — at least to me.
So, without further ado, here are some things that truly seem like they might have some connection to a canon event or phenomenon and could be useful information to take away regarding it:
Starting off with something I don’t personally subscribe to, but I do feel I would be remiss not to mention, for those who believe in the concept that Gregory is an advanced robot of Garret a la the Silver Eyes trilogy, this story does have some evidence maybe towards that idea?
In one of the Bad Endings in Into the Pit’s game adaption, Oswald appears to have been turned into an animatronic, yet still seems to retain his child form? Now, I’m not sure if that was just creative liberty or perhaps just symbolic of how Oswald thinks of himself, as one of the later Fazbear Frights stories also has a similarly described scene in which that is the case, and the boy is actually revealed to be fully transformed and trapped inside of a Freddy animatronic despite it, but either way, I think it’s certainly food for thought and is worth noting.
Again, I don’t personally subscribe to this theory at this time, but not subscribing to something isn’t a good reason to hide that evidence towards it may indeed arguably exist.
And now, saving the most in-depth and (to me) most interesting for last, I…kind of want to talk a little bit about potential parallels here. After listening to several stories by now, something that’s kind of stood out to me is the idea that a lot of these books could actually have something important to say about — or, even when not exactly about, at least possess a strong and important connection to — one of the Aftons or the Emilys.
Obviously, this is going to rely a lot on personal interpretation, and I know there are going to be a lot of people who disagree with me on this, but…to me, I think Into the Pit — and actually its entire book as a whole, minus the Stitchwraith — is actually sharing insight about Michael, and his relationship with his family and with himself.
I know there are plenty of people who probably think that if anyone’s a parallel to Oswald, it’s Garret, and if anyone’s a parallel to To Be Beautiful’s Sarah, it’s Elizabeth, but I couldn’t disagree more; there’s actually very little alike between these characters at all from how we know them in the game’s canon.
I’ll get into explaining my thoughts on To Be Beautiful later when the time comes to discuss that story, but as far as Oswald and game canon Garret, they only really have three common threads, and even then, that’s only if we dig super deep into things: he’s scared of a golden animatronic, he (in the case of Garret, thinks that he) saw something at the Pizzeria that was terrifying, and he has a bully that sometimes bothers him.
One of these connections, too, is also extremely surface-level: while we could at least make the argument that Garret likely thinking he saw a person being eaten by an animatronic when they were being put into a plush mascot costume and growing to fear Fredbear from it has at least some vague similarity to Oswald seeing the Yellow Thing™️ murdering kids and then fearing it, Oswald’s bully is less of an active tormentor in his life (especially in the book, which is the original version of the story), and more just a general, constant annoyance when he goes to school who has no real connection to the rest of his plight — unlike Michael, who is intrinsically connected to the plight that Garret had and what happened to him, and who was a very, very prominent presence in his life. It’s also important to note that, not only are bullies a common issue to come up for children, but in the FNAF series, so are the animatronics doing scary things and killing people, and the main antagonist in the series is famously a golden one, so it’s really not like this is some big smoking gun.
Meanwhile, let’s look at the parallels between Michael and Oswald in the actual main bulk of the plot itself, rather than random attributes: 
While on the whole, Oswald does clearly love and care about his family, he and one particular family member frequently get into arguments and get on each other’s nerves because they are around each other constantly. They consistently misunderstand each other’s intentions at times, in ways that are quite detrimental to their view of each other, and this culminates one night into him deciding to play a cruel prank on that person and scare him, only for that prank to go horribly wrong, resulting in a golden animatronic taking that family member away from him (and, I might add, also a sustained head injury by said family member).
This is already literally the plot of FNAF 4, according to both it and multiple other games, and that’s not even taking into account the more controversial stance I personally take that the main night sections of FNAF 4 are actually William testing out his illusion disc technology on Michael by attaching illusion discs to his FNAF 1 style animatronics and setting them loose in the home a la The Twisted Ones (as supported by UCN), which we can connect again to Into the Pit and Oswald, as Oswald is, after his prank which ultimately took his family member from him, henceforth tormented by a version of Spring Bonnie that is extremely reminiscent of the nightmare animatronics, and has to set out on a journey throughout the rest of his story to right his wrong in whatever way he can, just as Michael dedicates the rest of his life to helping his lost brother and sister and the other lost spirits (which the game adaption of the book connects to further, by having Oswald save several children throughout many nights). It is also interesting to note that the game version choosing to make Oswald’s father one of Michael’s teenage friends also adds yet another connection to Michael and the incident that I suggest Oswald’s story parallels.
Also, Oswald has the exact toys in his room that Michael has in FNAF 4, if we are indeed to assume, as I do, that Michael is the protagonist of FNAF 4.
And not only that, I would also like to draw attention to one specific line Michael canonically wrote in the Security Logbook, when asked to list his favorite characters from movies, books, and television who showed bravery in the face of extreme obstacles, and talk about how he can relate their heroic journeys to his current experiences, he answers, “Clara, from The Immortal and the Restless, because everything about this place is crazy, and nobody seems to notice except me.” This is a direct parallel to how Oswald is stated to feel about his Dad and his current situation numerous times throughout the book, as he is told by everyone around him that everything is normal and no, there is no giant Yellow Rabbit around and his Dad isn’t missing; that is his Dad right there, even as he sees clearly that it is not.
A few people, including Gibi and…also myself, have noticed that a lot of Into the Pit’s dialogue — in the book version especially -- seems to be able to have a double meaning that could be interpreted as a metaphor about child abuse, or abuse in general, and how people can often appear one way in public, but end up entirely another as soon as they are alone with their victim, and no one else can see the monster they really are behind closed doors. 
While I won’t delve into the specifics of that (you can check out Gibi’s video if you’re interested; I’ll link it in the description below, and perhaps in the information tab above, as well), I do want to speak on how that could symbolism of duality could also pertain to Michael and the life he had with his father. As I’ll get into in a bit (and talk about even further in a future video), Michael out of all of the Afton children did not have the best childhood to begin with, and while I want to make it very clear for reasons pertaining to my personal beliefs that I am not implying that child abuse ever necessarily happened at William’s hand prior to the Bite of ‘83, I do strongly believe that it happened afterward in some shape or form for Michael (which FNAF 4, Sister Location, AND Help Wanted all strongly support in their own ways), and I think that Into the Pit could, in its own way, be seen to be referencing it.
Just…hear me out here. Spring Bonnie taking over Oswald’s Dad’s life after kidnapping him cannot be a coincidence. I mean, just think about it. Sure, maybe Michael and his Dad had their disagreements and troubles prior to the Bite, but it wasn’t until after the Bite of ‘83 that Michael came to see his Dad in a whole new light, because that incident changed his Dad. It made him into something different. Something so twisted by grief and so mangled by resentment for what Michael did that he slowly but surely turned into a monster — a monster that he often became in public only when he was wearing the Spring Bonnie suit, yet a monster that no one else recognized as such. All they saw was William, the loving, grieving father and owner of Fredbear’s who only wanted to make children happy — not the killer who kidnapped and murdered children as Michael would one day find him out to be, and not the man who in one way or another tortured his teenage son for his foolish mistakes at home, as though he wasn’t already being tortured enough by the memory.
In the fictional books, Spring Bonnie may have been pretending to be Oswald’s Dad, but in the real canon FNAF universe, Spring Bonnie was Michael’s Dad, and whether Michael knew it or not for the longest time, he represented everything that was wrong and dark in William.
Okay, so…let’s say it is possible to interpret this as being an intentional parallel to the incident of the Bite of ‘83 and Michael, as I purport; what, then, could the story be trying to tell us about him? What is it trying to get people thinking about that we don’t already know?
Well, firstly, as I said, I believe that every story in this particular Frights book has a strong connection and relevancy to Michael, so I think that the blatant parallel to his situation existing in the opening tale was placed there on purpose to get your attention and get you thinking about all of it, but I do feel it’s also trying to say something about the incident, as well — about part of Michael’s motivation for escalating his pranking towards his brother to the point of the incident which accidentally caused Garret’s death, and a potential glimpse into his general state of mind at the time.
In the book, Oswald had been growing increasingly frustrated with his home situation in general — feeling bored, entirely ignored and abandoned and displaced, and that his father had essentially chosen their entire town and Oswald’s grandma over Oswald himself — when his now-long distance best friend contacted him to coincidentally tell him by contrast how well his own life was going. This led to Oswald and his father getting into a fight in the car on the way to Jeff’s pizza about how much the boy’s life sucked and implying how little he felt his Dad cared about him and his well-being by comparison to everyone else, and once Oswald had been dropped off, this argument was the final straw in making him decide that he was finally going to actually act out in order to force his father to finally, truly acknowledge, put effort in, and show care for him, by hiding in the ballpit and making his dad worry about where he was.
By figuring out the obvious parallels between Michael and Oswald, I feel that we can get a fairly clear and easy picture of what it would say about Michael:
Even if for something of opposite reasons, William and Oswald’s father both would have been very busy with their jobs — with Oswald’s Dad doing it because of their family’s financial troubles, and William doing it because…well, he was a co-owner and crucial worker and performer at a highly successful, award-winning, up-and-coming restaurant and that sort of job is just naturally demanding. 
Combine this with the fact that it’s very clear based on the main games’ canonical lore that Michael was the least favored child of the Aftons in at least Williams’ eyes (no, the Silver Eyes’ lore does not count, as that is an alternate universe story, and, as I will later get into in the post about To Be Beautiful, Elizabeth being ‘unloved’ and/or borderline abused was very clearly not something that carries over from that universe into the games’ lore), and that the (accurately translated) UCN cutscenes very clearly imply that both Michael and Garret were equally suffering in their own ways, yet failed to recognize or turned a blind eye to each other’s pain and took out their frustration on each other in their own ways, and it becomes very clear that Michael’s feelings about his own Dad and his brother were likely the very same that Oswald felt about his Dad and the people around him.
From Oswald’s perspective, his Dad cared more about the town and the inconvenience his grandma would face at having to travel to the next town to visit if they moved than he cared about Oswald and how their current lifestyle was causing him to suffer.
From Michael’s perspective, his Dad cared more about his business (and the town by proxy, as they were the ones bringing in his success) and paying attention to and doting on his other two children than he cared about Michael and how forgotten and sidelined he felt as the oldest sibling.
And just like Oswald had a friend, Ben, from whom he heard about Ben’s ‘better’ life and parents, and whom he complained to about his own, Michael very clearly also had several friends to tell him about their potentially ‘better’ lives and more attentive parents, and whom he likely told about his troubles and how his younger siblings stole the spotlight from him, with Garret being the ‘worst’ culprit of them all, as not only did he prank him back and they got on each other’s nerves from time to time, but he was also William’s ‘favorite’ Afton child.
Putting two and two together, then, it’s fairly clear that the conclusion we come to is, while the two boys did prank each other and annoy each other already, each turning a blind eye to the other’s suffering, it was Michael’s feelings of being the unloved and forgotten child of the family that caused him to start acting out further, believing — like Oswald — that the only way to make his Dad remember he existed was by being a troublemaker (an “any attention is good attention” mindset) until William was finally forced to take notice of him.
That is what, at least according to my own understanding of the novel, I personally believe Into the Pit is trying to say, at least on a deeper level beyond the surface level non-conflicting information, like the year the MCI took place.
Taking it a step further with the William = Oswald’s Dad parallel, we could even say that in a way, Oswald’s Dad preferring in the book to refuse to acknowledge that their dead town was a lost cause and pack up and move on with his family is also a quite interesting and fitting metaphor to William’s later refusal to accept Garret’s death and move forward by focusing on the family and the children that he still had left…
It’s…an interesting thing to think about — how, like with Oswald’s Dad, perhaps if William had just accepted the loss of his son and turned to the family that he still had left, like accepting the dead town and taking the family that Oswald’s Dad had left away, perhaps William might have never done the things that he did; perhaps they might have lived a very happy life, all things considered — although, obviously each would have to grieve what was done. 
Perhaps Michael might have found understanding and not have had to die the horrific death that he did just to feel that he had made up for his mistakes; perhaps Elizabeth would not have to have met her tragic end through her father’s own desperate desire to bring back a child that was already gone, and his failure to look after those that still remained. And, if you believe that Mrs. Afton died, perhaps he would still be with Mrs. Afton to this day, and, she would be alive and happy — or, at least, semi-happy with the family that she had created with him.
However, all that aside, I believe I myself have said all that I wanted to say on the story by now, so I will just leave you with all of these thoughts to ponder on your own time.
Thank you for watching, and I hope you look forward to the next installment, which will be To Be Beautiful. I’m not sure when I will be able to get that scripted and get to working on it just yet, but I will do my best to get these up at a fairly decent pace. Right now, I’m looking at…once a month, if I’m lucky, but I’m not 100% sure; we will have to see how it goes. I…in time, I would like to do it more frequently, if possible, but, as it is currently, I am writing these already on my blog, so if you would like to go over to my blog and read some of the ones that already exist, feel free to do so. I have added parts to this video that were not on that post that this is based on, so bear in mind that there may be things added within these videos that are not in those posts, so it may be worth listening to, anyhow, even if you do decide to go there.
At any rate, ‘til then, take care — like and subscribe if you wish; I would really appreciate it — and, um, I love you all. 💕 Buh-bye.
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gacmediadaily · 1 year ago
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Ozempic is a huge topic of conversation right now, with many celebrities and others around the country using the drug to help them lose weight. However, along with debates about the benefits and/or risks that come along with that, many are also discussing the ongoing pressure to look a certain way or have a specific body type. Candace Cameron Bure grew up in front of the camera on Full House and has been open about her struggles with Hollywood’s unrealistic body standards. She recently opened up about continuing to feel that pressure amid Ozempic’s rise in popularity.
Candace Cameron Bure was 11 years old when she became known as DJ Tanner to millions upon millions of Full House fans, and with the ABC series running for eight years, Bure’s body went through a lot of natural changes in front of a lot of people over that time. The actress admitted on the Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey podcast that she still feels compelled to conform to certain beauty standards, which is especially hard in the age of Ozempic. Bure said: 
Let’s just talk about the Ozempic craze right now. I’m not going to go on Ozempic. But these are the things that go through my mind, because the standard is so high and I’m in front of the camera all day. And I don’t want to do that. And then it’s like I shake my head and I go, ‘Lord, stop!’ The pressure is so ingrained. A lot of the pressure just comes from myself, because I’ve grown up in it, and I don’t always know how to not feel that pressure.
Candace Cameron Bure loves to share glimpses of her healthy lifestyle with her followers on Instagram, posting frequent videos from her daily workouts. She also claims to have not eaten fast food in more than 20 years. However, she’s also been open about struggling with bulimia after Full House and continuing to fight negativity in her head. She continued: 
I’ve done a lot of work in my life, and I’ve been very public and open about having an eating disorder, which has been really good for the last probably 20 years. But I still mentally battle it all the time, just not as much as I used to. And I have tools in place that help me. But these are, like, the crazy thoughts that still go through my head, and they’re so dumb and they’re so unrealistic, and I hate that I have them, but the fact is I do. But the more I just share it and am open about it, it frees me from it, because I can hear myself say it out loud and realize, like, this is not what life is all about.
Talking about her eating disorder has apparently helped Candace Cameron Bure find perspective on the issue and continue on her fitness journey in a healthy way. The actress talked about starting 2024 off right by adding cardio back into her routine, and she certainly seems to be succeeding in finding the joy in life, as she said watching her son Lev get married in January was “a highlight of [her] entire life.”
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nayatarot777 · 2 years ago
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💌✨ what do you need to know about yourself? ✨💌 ~ pac
check out my youtube channel if you’d like! ☺️🤍
• pile 1 •
you guys are so self protective. you really don’t trust anyone and it’s because of a mixture of self-consciousness and trust issues. you don’t trust that people will reciprocate the energy that you give - which is a bunch of love and nurture.
there’s also a message about needing to realise that you need to - and are able to - mother yourself. it’s like you crave love but you also fear opening yourself up to it due to the fear of someone causing you pain.
your boundaries are a bit too strong. again, they’re cemented in place out of fear, and anything created out of fear isn’t created with discernment and rationality. fear causes you to go into survival mode and see everything as a possible threat. your boundaries are a bit too strong. even when it comes to giving out this loving energy, not just receiving it.
you guys could have a fear of giving love to people. you could isolate yourself 24/7, never wanting to be seen and not wanting to be thought about or worried about. it’s like you’re in your own cave, creating a bit of a prison for yourself. you’re stuck in a prison of fear and anxiety. your thoughts have been in a dark space for so long that they’ve begun to develop into more intense rumination and even paranoia for some of you.
you need to self soothe and remind yourself that you are loved whether you’re isolating yourself or not. there could be specific family members or friends who want you to know that although you keep yourself away from them for your own reasons, they still love you and will always be willing to support you. you could even have trust issues with these people. not knowing who to trust. lie down, close your eyes, and think about these people individually. lean into the feeling of being around them, without the interference of your self-consciousness or intrusive thoughts. just imagine calm conversation with them in your mind and take note of how they make you feel. this is how you can discern who you can and can’t trust. if that visualisation leaves you feeling uneasy after thinking about a specific person, question why. if you’re picking up on weird vibes from them, then kick their ass to the curb. they gotta go.
overall message: become more open to love. giving and receiving love. feeling love. observing love (through movies for example, or becoming aware of loving couples that are around you in public). listening to music about love, reading about love, writing about love, dreaming about love. and i’m hearing that it would help if you were to start off thinking about platonic love. like between you and a hypothetical friend. or you and a family member.
• pile 2 •
side note before the actual reading begins: some of y’all be aiding in conflict. you lowkey love drama lmaoo. it’s okay, messiness is fun sometimes but be mindful and try to be the mediator when you can - if you even want to be and if it makes sense to. sometimes you really don’t need to be getting involved in people’s shit to mediate it. just let them argue, you know?
for some reason i feel like a lot of masculines are choosing this pile.
first of all, you guys need to quit playing and admit to yourselves that you are fucking hopeless romantics. you love loving people and giving care to others.
a lot of you have already begun to peel back the veil and peer underneath your usual persona when it comes to stuff like that, and you’ve realised that you’ve fed into a lot of the toxic ways of dealing with relationships. some of you might need to realise that you actually have control issues. or that you try to control situations in unnatural ways. i’m sensing even manipulation of some sort. i believe that this is partly a subconscious thing because it’s like a coping mechanism to you.
for others of you, i’m seeing that you genuinely need to see something or someone from a higher perspective. don’t overlook anything. there could be some love bombing going on with some of you who are in a situation that’s quite intense or full on. i’m literally seeing someone being set up in a situation and led to be trapped. don’t put your rose coloured glasses on now. you need to be paying attention and seeing things objectively. don’t let yourself be swept away with emotion. if you’re not currently in a situation like this, then you could be like this in a lot of situations with crushes or people who you date.
people see you as someone who’s easily manipulated and just full of either curiosity, naivety, or both. playing dumb but actually peeping game is your best fucking friend in the dating scene and relationships that you’re being played as a fool in. you ain’t no fool. the main message with this is that you guys need to discern who to give your love to. and pay attention to the people giving love to you. is it natural? or is there a motive behind all of the compliments and playfulness to get closer to you?
• pile 3 •
not gonna lie, pile 3, you might not like this message at all. it might trigger some egos greatly, and i know that because this is one of my piles and it’s already triggering me (only because i know it’s the truth). if you can’t control the way you behave when triggered, please leave now. i don’t have time for your rant in my replies. have a prayer session with whoever/whatever you believe in and cuss them out if you continue to read and have such a problem with this message.
a lot of us in this pile are sitting in a victim complex of some sort, ngl. i also think that a lot of us are becoming more aware of this slowly, but i just feel somewhat of a “woe is me” energy with this pile. it doesn’t even have to pertain to you in general. it could just be you regarding a specific situation.
either way, we have a lack mindset in this pile. and this isn’t one of those messages that’s just “be more grateful” (although i’m picking up on that as a bit of advice), but i’m seeing us searching for some sort of lost stability or help. and there is help around us but we’re not asking for help. or even realising that help is available to us.
we have a major issue with rumination. such negative thoughts and criticisms that we direct towards ourselves and aspects of our lives, so much to the point where we fail to realise the valuables right in front of our faces. i feel like a lot of us are just so used to disappointment from others and in life in general that we’ve basically started to self sabotage and shut down any possibility of a good/happy existence.
for those of us in a tough financial situation, i’m seeing that we have people who we could ask for help, but our ego gets in the way. not even in a “i’d never borrow money from anyone” type of way, but it’s the fear of being rejected from help and left out in the cold again that gets in the way. or the fear of being judged and criticised.
i would go as far as to say that some of us have the life purpose of learning how to accept help from others. when we do, we have major realisations about humanity, people in general, and understanding that not everyone is a threat and not everyone will just leave us to suffer like certain people have.
i didn’t do this for any other pile, but i’m pulling extra cards for advice for this pile, because lord knows we need it 😭.
the advice cards are literally all linked to family. whether that’s blood family or chosen family. we have select family members in this pile who would really be open to helping us. there’s a main message that we would benefit from learning to gain a sense of control in our lives again. formulating goals and a plan and taking active steps towards them. daily. even if that’s a morning routine. choosing to dress the way that you genuinely want to. eating what you actually want instead of eating what other people would deem as “acceptable”.
a lot of us have literally outgrown our comfort zone. and it’s almost like we’re looking out at the massive world that we’re expected to navigate in and we feel like we have to do it alone. or that we can’t do it. this could also be due to parents who coddled us or sheltered us though? more out of a need to control and not out of genuine love and thinking that they were actually helping us. a lot of our parents were toxic vultures who have hindered our maturity by infantilising us for so long by stripping away our power.
regarding gaining control again, the main message about that is literally to gain control over who you will and won’t speak to in your family group. our parents might be toxic af, but that doesn’t mean that our aunts and uncles have to be, for example. but when your immediate family is dysfunctional, it’s hard to trust extended family members.
these people who reach out to you despite you keeping yourself away from them really do care for you though. this could be a sibling, a cousin, a close family friend. whoever in the family still checks up on you with good intentions are the people who you can ask for help and trust. they want to help you build your life and they’d like you to understand that you don’t have to do it alone. despite having to fend for yourself for so long. most of us are young adults in this pile, and we deserve guidance and help just like everyone else. you just have to take small steps to showing that you’re now more open to their help. even if that means just sending a text message to one of these people and asking how they are, when you usually wouldn’t.
take care of yourself, pile 3. you’re definitely not alone, and you are still very much loved and supported by someone around you. for some of you, this “family” could be a single person. a partner that you have that you’re building a household with. they love and care for you so much. i’m actually feeling my heart chakra activate. that shit’s wild because my heart chakra ain’t felt by me easily lmaooo. this person genuinely loves you. purely. they will literally do anything in their power to help you. let them help you 🥺😪 their love for you has me tearing up over my damn tarot cards. i gotta go 😂
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nightswithkookmin · 3 years ago
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Hi Goldy, it’s been awhile…where have you been? This is an appreciation post for your blog. I love your write ups, thought process and inputs so much because it makes the most sense to me. There are times when I watch a moment and notice some things, i search a lot of blogs but their takes are different from what I perceive because I sometimes view things from a different perspective and then I come here and I’m justified that at least one person is sharing the same brain cells with me. When your predictions becomes reality it gives me joy and I think in order to do that then it means you connected with the boys on a personal level and see them as humans not fictional characters. I enjoyed going through your posts dated way back because I’m a new Army…it gave me the most joy and I connected with the boys more personally and your long write ups are da bombs😍😍.
Ps: Don’t abandon us here 🙏🙏. Visit us once in awhile with a lengthy post so I can grab my peanuts and sip my juice while settling for a long and enjoyable read.
Stuuuhpp! You giving me the Sugas☺☺☺
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Believe it or not I come here everyday 🤣🤣🤣🤣
And thank you ☺ my posts are like that. Those who get it get it. Those who don't don't.
I might have to go through my Ask box for prompts. I've been binging old content and so far I haven't come across anything I haven't opined on. If anyone here has a theory, submission, take, Ask, please feel free to leave em in my inbox.
In the mean time, if I do come across anything interesting- by that I mean anything I find exciting- nothings gonna stop me from talking about it 🤣🤙🏾
I'm just at a place where everything Hybe does annoys me and I am not happy with the direction anything is going. I feel this is a make or break moment and they are just messing up big time. Or may be I just have to trust the process but if they don't bombard me with content soon, I might have to break into the vaults at Gybe headquarters and steal some disks.
Forget doing Solo projects one by one, do it all at once, confuse the shit out of me, make it hard for me to choose whom to support first, overwhelm me, squeeze me for all my penny, I wanna go broke and bankrupt, my sell my property and live on the streets.
Do you know how disappointed I was to find out Jungkook going camping was all staged and not as spontaneous and autonomous/ entirely free willed as I thought it would be- when the director asked him to go get food for just content I stopped watching the video. It took me some days to get back to it.
Also yes, we all thought we heard Jimin laugh in there somewhere. It was strange. Didn't know a lot of people sounded like other people. Never mind me.
With this DraKoola project, I think I'm falling in love with Jungkook 😭😭😭😭😭😭
I just might go on a YN self insert spree and edit myself into all and any Jikook intimate moments. If the bimbos can do it, I can do it too.
How sexy is it than when JUNGKOOK SAID THE CONCEPT HE WANTED WAS SPECIFICALLY VAMPIRE THEMED. HOW SELXY IS THAT!!!!!!!!!
Jungkook is legit my guardian angel. My quarterback. Not sure if he was inspired by the seven fate project or the many vampire edits of him or all those prude and stuck up sanctimonious fans who moon walked into my comments and wrote ignorant bigoted disparaging posts about me for making twilight references comparing Jungkook to a vampire- since I'm delusional I'll go with the latter😌
Dude became a vampire- LITERALLY. HOW👏🏾ABOUT👏🏾THAT👏🏾
The bit about the darkening of his soul- WHOAH🤯🤯
Blew my mind to the heavens. HOW DEEP IS THAT!
I hope this is connected to something much bigger than just a simple art concept to sell photos 😐
Jungkook is a creative genius. If he came up with this concept on his own, I promise you it didn't come to him in a vacuum and is intricately and inextricably linked to all arts he is created even if it is on a subconscious level. I can't wait to dissect that shit.
I hate that we have to wait for the others one after the other and wish they released it all at the same time. Going solo means seven things can happen at once in different ways.
Making us wait for their turns feel much like OT7 which is one of the things that frustrated me to begin with with the whole OT7 agenda. I mean if they worked under different labels I don't think they would care who went first or not and they would do things concurrently not consecutively 🤷.
It seems Hybe is trying to eliminate competition amongst them while making sure they each get Army's full and undivided attention- but I think FUCK THAT SHIT. LET THEM COMPETE FOR OUR ATTENTION HUNGER GAMES STYLE.
KEEP THEM ON THEIR TOES. CHALLENGE THEM SO THEY CHALLENGE THEMSELVES.
PAINT THE FANDOM RED WITH THEIR BLOOD. QUIT PLAYING IT SAFE.
This is their youth. With the way they gave us crap about aging these past few years, I don't expect they waste time doing nothing at all. Keep them busy busy busy. If they burn out good. Good. They can rest when they can no longer move their bones.
Anyway, I'm bored. Hybe is boring😴
TOO SLOW 🐌 FOR ME
Thank you for this. You are nice. Keep going.
ALSO, HOW IS JIMIN NOT RELEASING THE YOU ARE NICE KEEP GOING MERCH ALREADY🤕
I REALLY CAN DO BETTER THAN HYBE.
I'm gonna spam Jimin's account until he creates this shirt. And that bracelet 🥲 I've never wanted to commit grand robbery in my life.
Also I think I found Jimin"s secret tiktok account😆
Namjoon needs to come on Vlive often😔
I don't post often these days because all I have is a bunch of complaints and I will just end up bashing and cussing @ HYBE if I opened my mouth🙃
GOLDY
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zulivaris · 4 years ago
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Art Block tips that helped me
 I’ve recently experienced art block after 3 or so months of overcoming my last one. Thankfully this block only lasted a few days thanks to some things I’ve observed and noted down from the previous time. So I’m sharing these few tips in hopes that it might help someone get unstuck :D!
First and foremost if you’re tired, sad or anxious don’t be surprised that you can’t make art, go and take care of yourself by treating yourself with kindness and patience, the sketchbooks and canvases will wait for you :)
The tips are under here:
Separate art studies from the creative time:  When you do art studies you’re there to focus on specific things, learn and understand how things work so you can apply them later in your art. Studies take a lot of energy and focus and are the opposite of the creative "flow” of making your own pieces. If you combine the two the results are either unfocused studies or stiff drawings. When you sit down at your desk ask yourself “Do I want to learn something new or do I want to create something of my own?”
When you have an idea don’t be afraid of being messy: Let’s say you want to make a picture of several cats kolo dancing in the moonlight. How do you go about doing this? Well since you came up with the idea you already have a vague image in your mind, sketch it out with simple shapes, stick figures, circle and spheres etc Don’t worry about cat anatomy, or the dancer’s moves, sketch out the essence of it. This method removes the need to be perfect or accurate. 
Ok after the messy sketch then what? Well now that you have sketched out the essence of your idea (and hopefully had fun doing so) now you go on to look for references! You put the creative process on pause and you can do a few brief studies if you need to: anatomy, color schemes, values, poses. Pick out a few of your favorites but don't obsess over them, they are a guide, a tool.
You know much more than you think. You’ve probably been drawing for a few years now. You’ve probably done some studies and drawn more than one type of subject. Then you have already internalized some of that information. I used to be obsessed with capturing the minute detail of the subject, and not be able to draw ANYTHING without reference. Instead of a useful tool, references became another obstacle to my creativity. That’s perfectionism my friend, and that’s no good. Here is an exercise a good friend of mine offered: Draw a few characters, animals and objects from imagination. Make sure that the subjects have no personal value to you (no ocs for example) so that if you make a mistake you won’t feel bad about it. Make the process relaxed and comfortable, pour a nice cup of joe, listen to your favorite music ... You will notice that you do indeed know how to draw some things without reference, and it’ll help with your confidence. 
The more you do studies the more you understand This seems evident but the more you understand your subject the freer you can be and the easier it’ll be to draw it from imagination in the future. If you really struggle with something to the point of frustration (as in you can’t get it right even with reference) It means you have to study it. Have a study list, for example: hands, perspective, color theory etc. And one of those days you want to study pick something from the list, and look for videos on youtube or useful sites like line of action etc. Only study one thing at the time. You can go from studying hands to studying arms since they’re more immediately connected, but you can’t study hands and then jump to learning perspective right after. Trust me you can learn perfectly fine with the resources online, and I’m sure you’re clever enough to do it :D
Mistakes don’t mean you “suck”  I’ve noticed that the two most common causes for art block are perfectionism and lack of self-confidence.  The two can often go in tandem which is worse :’D But let me remind you of something, you can fix your piece along the whole process. Use erasers, lasso tools, liquify , select, paint it all over etc If something looks off to you then you also know deep inside how to fix it. Useful ways to see what clunks: flip canvas horizontally (helps with placement, proportions), turn the image to grayscale (helps to check values and where your eye tends to look), look at your image in thumbnail size and ask yourself if it’s clear, see the pose’s silhouette and ask yourself if you can tell what the character is doing etc. Don’t fret, everything can always be fixed :)
Perfectionism, sometimes it stops you before you begin Perfectionism causes you to overwork a piece, it makes you draw less, it makes art stressful, it brings insecurity. Let’s remove it with a simple exercise. It can be combined with the “draw things from imagination” once you’ve drawn something you like: dont do line art, don’t shade it, keep it as simple and crude as possible and then...post it. Yes, post it. You’re not at your best? You’re only human, this will help you embrace that very human side of you. You make mistakes. So what? The more mistakes you make the more you know what you need to study and the better at art you become. Mistakes are there to show us what we need to learn. See them as another tool and not a sign of failure.
Make the process as enjoyable as possible: You like art. You love drawing. Never forget this. Otherwise why are you drawing if you don’t enjoy it? It’s easy to fall prey to the mentality of those relatable memes that “art= suffering” or “I can’t even draw the other eye”. No no no my friends, these messages are fueling your insecurities instead of overcoming them. Let me tell you what, art is fun. It is. Art is fun, because I decided to make it fun again. And you should decide on that too. Personally I adore lineart but my hand-eye coordination is lacking to do it digitally, so....I just skipped it. Yes. I skipped it. I do the sketch, I clean it up a bit and then jump onto color which I adore. It allowed me to draw more and more freely. When I draw I listen to music, make strokes with the rhythm, I take breaks often and I drink my favorite iced teas. If you don’t like coloring do it in grayscale, if you love lineart then do that etc It doesn’t mean you won’t learn your weak points in the future with studies and practice, but you won’t let your weaknesses prevent you from drawing at all. No no, you won’t let them. You draw because you want to, despite of them.
Don’t wait for inspiration, provoke it  Inspiration is not a divine and capricious muse. You make inspiration. It’s easy just collect all the things you like, music, artists, objects, characters, animals, patterns, plants etc Make boards on pinterest or similar sites, combine things you like. You like suits? You like birds? You can draw a bird in a suit, or a bird-inspired suit design, there is frankly a lot of ideas that can spring up from little things like these.
When a project stops being enjoyable either pause it for now or move on to the next thing. Pieces aren’t precious. They’re not “the one time I got x right” they are one of many. This advice goes mainly to hobbyists who can afford the luxury of passing to a new project. I have a WIP of a character who is overly complicated (I enjoy a challenge from time to time) sitting for half a month. I sometimes come back to it and add something... but as soon as it starts to create discomfort and insecurity instead of enjoyment I move onto something else. In the meantime I created 3 or 4 new pieces. If I had waited on finishing that piece I would have been severely creatively and physically exhausted. The art comes from you, not inspiration. The more art you make the better you become.
That’s about it :D I know it’s long but I prefer to be thorough and cover all the possibilities. If you have read of this: Thank you so much I hope this helps you at least a bit, if it helps only 1 other person I’d still be very happy. Have a nice one, and kick art block’s butt!
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nitw · 4 years ago
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Can you explain what you mean with misinterpreting Chara? I've always been confused about that character and you seem to have a pretty solid read you alluded to in that post about Snowgrave.
of course!!! as your local chara defender since the ripe age of 13 i hope you don't mind me doing a small essay on this. please bear with me tho because i sometimes can't articulate my thoughts well on stories that deal with philosophical themes ;;
UHHH SPOILERS FOR UNDERTALE AND DELTARUNE CHAPTER 2 BELOW
first let me make a few things clear so i don't have to repeat myself a bunch:
only tobias radiation fox himself has The Word of God privilege when it comes to things that haven't been explicitly confirmed in the games yet, EVEN if they're strongly hinted at. don't take anything i say about the plot as more than firm personal interpretation based on the info we have right now!
i cannot stress this one enough: undertale is a game that was never meant to be experienced from a singular perspective/mindset. the genocide route doesn't JUST exist for the sake of "enjoy your personalized edgy fuck-you run for being a serial killer in a video game", every one of the total 93 endings (look it up) in this game exists to reflect the player who achieved it in one way or another. the genocide route is really no different from any of the others, because in the end, no matter what, the player who decided to go through with the things they did will ALWAYS be rewarded for it. the question the player will have to ask THEMSELF afterwards is "is this what i wanted?"
OK MOVING ON-
let's think back to the little but vital amount of info we have on who chara actually was, like, as a person. we know pretty much all of this due to 1) the tapes in the royal lab 2) asriel's additional dialogue at the end of true pacifist.
while we'll never really know why frisk fell into the underground, asriel tells us explicitly about chara's hatred for humanity, and how they jumped from mt. ebott for "not a very happy reason"; supposedly a suicide attempt. chara "never talked about why", it's left intentionally vague because their reasoning isn't really what matters. what DOES matter is how this is relevant to the genocide run, ESPECIALLY with the new obvious parallels in deltarune's snowgrave route. i'll get to that.
when you finish the genocide route, chara will talk directly to the player in person. they talk about your (you AND chara's) success, despite "their plan (having) failed". this "plan" is one they secretly made with asriel when they were both still alive, as revealed from the tapes. chara got terminally poisoned from eating buttercups (whether this was fully intentional or not is still kiiinda up for debate), and while on their deathbed, asriel says that he doesn't like the plan anymore. yet despite his fear, he still fused his soul to chara's when they died.
the actual plan here was to become a monster powerful enough to slaughter humanity, specifically chara's home village by their own dying request - this all ties into their mysterious spite and hatred mentioned before. but due to asriel's resistance against chara, their fused body was killed by the humans - which eventually led to the creation of flowey, and asriel's inner demons after death.
but back to the genocide route. during chara's monologue to the player, they give us a LOT of important exposition. basically:
at the very start of the game, frisk's own determination is literally what brought chara's soul 'back to life'. we know how human and monster souls are different and how "determination" in this universe is something only humans possess, so it makes sense why it awakened them. i won't get into the whole narrator theory because i feel like it's not that relevant to my point (it's fun tho), but chara is always present from the moment frisk falls down, and stays regardless of the player's actions.
if you managed to finish undertale at all you'll already kinda know this (thanks sans), but the EXP and LV you (can) gain throughout your journey aren't just numbers on your screen - they're genuine in-universe manifestations of power that increase when you kill someone. and in genocide, chara explains how they were directly affected every time your stats rose. they could FEEL their spirit growing stronger for every life you decided to take (REMINDER THAT THE GENOCIDE ROUTE CAN BE PERMANENTLY STOPPED AT ANY POINT BEFORE SANS. YOU DID THIS.), so is it really that strange that they felt the desire to grow even stronger?
and once you do reach this point, there's no return. all that excessive time and effort you put into killing off a civilization OBVIOUSLY has some consequences. the consequences HERE being - if you paid attention to chara's life story - you took advantage of a traumatized child who was already at the breaking point and making irrational choices on their own, and you led them to believe that this was what they needed!
this is VERY MUCH SUPPORTED by the snowgrave/weird/pipis/whatever route of deltarune chapter 2 that was discovered about 2 days ago as i'm writing this. i'm gonna go ahead and assume you know what happens in it and i don't care to go into details if you don't, since this post is about chara, but surprise: THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO NOELLE, TOO! even in a completely normal run, noelle makes it clear multiple times that she wouldn't mind staying in the dark world; that in spite of how scary and dangerous it seems at times (something something horror movies), she started to feel at home. POSSIBLY even more so than her ACTUAL HOME, with her dying dad and negligent mom. like chara, noelle is a young person with low self esteem and her fair share of trauma, even if it's not as apparent. and like in the genocide run, the player's desire to ruthlessly kill in order to grow stronger affected her already-poor mental state.
someone else already pointed this out specifically, so don't credit me for it, but the main difference between chara and noelle is that noelle managed to break free in the end.
if you're like Most People Who Played The Genocide Route Back In Like 2016 and you played the genocide route with no further knowledge about it than "i have to follow these specific steps to get a harder fucked up version of the game", i don't blame you. you didn't actually know what you were doing in the end, did you? but did the outcome disappoint you, make sense to you, or did it just leave you with an empty/confused feeling? i love undertale because it WILL force you to think about things like that. i mean, if the result wasn't gonna affect you in SOME way, why would you go through all of that trouble in the first place? you had your reasons, as the player of any video game where you know your choices matter. would you have carried out the entire thing if you knew what was coming? the answer to that is only relevant to yourself.
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herinsectreflection · 4 years ago
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Faith, Buffy, Dreams, and Secret Kisses
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This is one of my favourite scenes in the series. Partially because it’s just my personal jam - I admit that I am Fuffy trash, and I have a real love for dream sequences. Buffy had great dream sequences, but this is where they take a step up. It’s a precursor to Restless in this regard and others. It feels weighty and meaningful, but also a little off and incongruent with itself, in that way that only dreams are. Lines are exchanged that don’t quite follow as direct responses to each other, clashing in interesting ways. It’s packed with foreshadowing, metaphor, and other juicy things. And beyond that, it’s a conclusion to Buffy’s entire arc this season about dealing with her shadow self, and it leads to what I think is the single most romantic moment in the series. I want to talk about this scene and unpack some of what I think it’s saying.
First of all, let’s talk about the setting. We’re in Faith’s apartment, bought for her by the Mayor. Essentially, the villain’s lair, where the two Big Bads plotted their evil plans against our hero. But it’s also a set where we saw most of the bonding and semi-familial love between Faith and the Mayor. A place of both evil and love. And for Buffy, a place of trauma. This is where she makes the decision and takes the action to kill another human. I don’t think she was unjustified in doing so, but it’s still an immensely traumatic act for her, and I think she loses a little part of herself when she does it. The location is very much a reflection of Faith, and Buffy’s relationship to her. I don’t think Buffy loves Faith romantically at this point, but I think she cares about her, and remains concerned about her, and I think it’s fair to call that a kind of love. Faith is also evil, a figure of betrayal but also temptation to the “dark side”. And she is also a figure of trauma, clear deep-seated trauma that she fails to resolve, and just gets worse over the course of the season. Buffy is essentially inside her own relationship to Faith, inside a stadium of sin, trauma, love, and shattered glass. Faith looks out of the broken window that they fought through, and we are reminded that their relationship too is broken, unrepaired, littered with the detritus of conflict. There’s no going back from this - even in dreams that window remains broken, and their relationship will always have this damage.
The props too are an interesting choice. TPN’s video on Graduation Day pointed out the painting of a giant snake with a man’s head on the wall. More conflicting feelings here - the Mayor is Faith’s closest connection to humanity and love right now, and also the reason for her betrayal of Buffy. Her redemption and damnation. We also see boxes of various things piled up - including the crossbow that Faith stole in Bad Girls. The image of packing up a room into boxes makes me think of moving away as a student. We must remember that Buffy is graduating today, on the verge of packing her life away and taking it somewhere else, and this reminds us of that.
The first thing of real substance we see is the cat, which jumps up on Faith’s bed. This is one of the aspects of this dream in direct conversation with Restless, where a cat symbolises the Slayer - a specifically feminine, solitary predator that stalks the night. In Restless, we cut to Miss Kitty stalking the camera from shots of the First slayer stalking Willow. Here though, the intercut images are between the cat and Faith, lying bruised and helpless in a hospital. The cat (and the Slayer) is, as far as Buffy is concerned, not a danger but a creature in need of help.
Buffy: "Who's going to look after him?" Faith: "It's a she. And aren't these things supposed to take care of themselves?"
They’re very clearly talking about their respective approaches to slaying, and to life in general. Buffy tries to encourage ties to humanity, telling Faith back in Revelations that she is on Faith’s side. Faith retorts that she alone is on her side, and she repeats that sentiment here. But Buffy is obviously proved right - Faith is lying almost dead because she rejected all help and care.
Buffy: "A higher power guiding us?" Faith: "I'm pretty sure that's not what I meant."
If the cat is the Slayer in this conversation, then the “higher power guiding us” could refer to the Watchers. It makes sense that Buffy delivers this line with a little wry smile, given that she’s just resigned herself from the Council. This allows a little bit of ambiguity in their debate - Buffy has taken on a little bit of Faith’s advice in emancipating herself and so making herself as the Slayer more self-reliant. The show agrees that that too is the right move. A little independence is good and healthy. What Faith means when she talks about “taking care of herself” is not self-reliance or independence, but emotional hardness and self-marooning to avoid hurt. This is something that Buffy will continue to struggle with for the rest of the series. Faith is kind of right when she states that the Slayer is alone and must take care of herself, and it’s up to Buffy to find a healthy way of dealing with that.
"Oh yeah. Miles to go - Little Miss Muffet counting down from 7-3-0.”
The scene shifts a little, and we get some foreshadowing for Dawn (Little Miss Muffet), and for Buffy’s death (730 days from now). This is done with the the lighting too, as Faith faces the camera, and the light of the dawn hits her face, in a shot extremely similar to the end of The Gift.
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Interestingly, Faith is repeatedly used in this way. In This Year’s Girl, Faith talks about “little sis coming” as she and Buffy make the bed in her first dream. In Restless, that scene gets a callback (”Faith and I just made that bed”), in a scene that ends with the most anvilicious foreshadowing (”Be back before dawn”), as well as a callback to the 7-3-0 line (”Oh, that clock’s all wrong”). In Graduation Day, Faith refers to Buffy as being “dressed up in big sister’s clothes”, however to me Faith has always felt more as being the “little sister” in this relationship. She looks up to Buffy yet is also deeply jealous of her. She wants to be Buffy, to have her friends, her life, the love of her mother. She’s kind of a precursor to Dawn in this respect, so it makes sense that she’s a prophet for her coming.
Slayers having prophetic dreams is well-established, so it makes sense that a dream shared by two slayers would allow them to prophesise a little further ahead in time. Faith hints at this, remarking "Sorry, it's my head. A lot of new stuff.". You have to wonder what other “new stuff” Faith is becoming aware of. Perhaps a new perspective on everything Buffy’s been saying all season. Sharing a mind temporarily is often helpful in seeing another’s point of view. Faith does seem unusually thoughtful as she looks out of the broken window and remarks "They are never going to fix this, are they?".
This is perhaps my favourite line in the scene. It’s a slight mislead, as it comes right as we get a flash of the cat-as-Faith in the foreground. So we assume it’s a reference to her own injuries, which she is expected to never recover from.
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But the Faith that’s talking isn’t looking at her own body. She’s looking at the broken window. The symbol for her broken relationship with Buffy. She has become us, the audience, looking at Buffy and Faith and saying “boy, those crazy kids really are never going to work it out, are they?”. It’s true for Faith, it’s true for Faith&Buffy, and it’s true for Buffy herself. When that knife entered Faith’s gut, all three were irrevocably changed forever. You can never put back the life you had before after it’s broken like that. All you can do is take what you can work with, and try to make something new.
Buffy: "What about you?" Faith: "Scar tissue. It fades. It all fades." Buffy confirms that the previous line was not about Faith specifically by asking “what about you”, in a lovely expression of concern. After everything, Buffy does still care about Faith. Faith’s reply of “scar tissue” is an obvious reference to the literal wound she is now carrying (emphasised by the shot of the knife that Buffy sees afterwards), but it’s interesting that she gestures to her face when she says this. It feels like a reference to her entire self. If we accept Faith as Buffy’s shadow self, then “scar tissue” is an accurate description of her. As Buffy herself says, Faith is who she could be if her life was worse (or, perhaps, who she would be if she allowed the tragedies of her life to rule her). She is the part of Buffy’s unconscious self that is revealed after receiving violence. She is the physical proof of trauma. The self that remains after pain. 
Buffy: “Is this your mind or mine?” Again, hitting that note of symbiosis; emphasising how inextricably tied these two characters are. The lines between their psyches are blurred to the point of no longer existing. This is such an intimate moment, almost sexual, with Buffy and Faith unable to tell where their own mind ends and another begins. Imagine the intimacy of that - entering another’s mental space and allowing them into yours, so wholly that they become one and the same. It becomes a mutual recognition of unity and shared pain, and an affirmation of the eternal divisions between them.
I love the ambiguity of the “human weakness” line too. One way we are invited to read it is that Faith is doing a heel-face turn, and intentionally giving Buffy the means to defeat the Mayor. But we’re not allowed anything that easy, to wash away Faith’s sins with a quick redemption before the climax. Faith has miles to go before she can achieve that. It’s just as likely that Faith is talking about herself, and the human weakness that led her down a dark path, or that Buffy is talking about Faith through the Faith in her head, or Buffy is just working it out on her own, etc, etc. This is the information that saves the world, and I like that it remains an unknown. A permanent “maybe”, just as Buffy and Faith’s relationship is. 
Buffy: "How are you going to fit all this stuff?" Faith: "Not gonna. It's yours." Buffy: "I can't use all of this!" Faith: "Just take what you need. You're ready?"
As the scene reaches its climax, we see the most obvious recitation of the season’s themes. S3 is about Buffy coming into conflict with her own shadow self, and here the show tells us how she does that - by taking what she needs. I mentioned earlier that we saw the crossbow from Bad Girls, from the “want/take/have” scene. Here, Faith is telling her the same thing, but in a more healthy way. She cannot just hedonistically consume everything like a crazed id-monster, but she also cannot deny herself things that she needs. 
Most importantly, the “stuff” they are referring to is Faith’s, but as Faith says, it’s also Buffy’s. Everything that Faith is, Buffy is too, because she is her shadow self. Buffy must recognise this, accept it, and incorporate the shadow self into her own identity. She cannot be consumed by the shadow self and simply become Faith, allowing her shadow to consume her conscious personality (”how are you going to fit all this stuff?”). Instead she must recognise her dark mirror, and take the healthy parts, and integrate them into herself as an individual (”take what you need”).
It is at this point of healing and merging between Buffy’s self and shadow self that Faith reaches out, almost touches her in an action that feels so tender, and Buffy becomes conscious. She literally becomes her conscious self by making peace with her dream (unconscious self). She stands up, and walks over to Faith’s bed. This is the moment that their relationship all season has been leading to. She leans over, and places a kiss on her forehead.
This kiss is everything. It’s an act of thanks, as Buffy realises Faith may have given her what she needs to save the day (at the cost of Faith’s one familial figure). It is an act of service, as Buffy literally gives Faith the kiss she asked for when they started to fight in Graduation Day. It could also be an act of forgiveness. We know from I Only Have Eyes For You that forgiveness, Buffy learns, is done not because somebody deserves it, but because they need it. Faith at this point probably does not deserve it, does not want forgiveness (she wants to be punished), nor can she recognise it in her current state, but Buffy gives it anyway, adding another layer of heartbreak. It is given not for any purpose, but for its own sake.
Above all though, this is an act of recognition. We must consider the previous forehead-kiss that these two shared, back in Enemies, and Faith’s words directly before: “What are you gonna do, B, kill me? You become me. You're not ready for that, yet.” And in Graduation Day, just after Buffy stabs her: “You did it. You killed me.” And her words in the dream, just a few seconds ago: “You're ready?"
Now I don’t think that Buffy stabbing Faith to save Angel is morally equivalent to Faith voluntarily killing people to help an evil guy become a big snake. I don’t think the show wants us to think that either. But the line is firmly blurred. Angel says in Consequences that the act of taking a life will change Faith irrevocably, and Faith agrees. She sees herself as tainted from that point on, and if Buffy took her life, she would be tainted too. And though it’s understandable and morally defensible, there’s no doubt that a part of Buffy - her innocence - dies on that balcony when she sticks that knife in. That act is forever. The choice to do violence is permanent. 
So when Faith says “you killed me”, she is saying “you have become me”. She identifies a common nature in them. And when Buffy kisses her, returning it in the exact same way as when Faith first said those words, she is saying “I know”. She recognises and responds to Faith’s mirror by holding up one of her own. She matches similarity with similarity. She is finally “ready” to assimilate her shadow self, and does it by telling her shadow self that she sees her, and that she was right. 
The beautiful part of all this is that it is silent. Faith would’ve been aware of their unification in the dreamscape, since it was happening in both of their heads, but she has no way of knowing about this. I wonder if Buffy would ever tell her. I doubt it. This is the core of the Faith/Buffy tragedy. This is why I find this relationship so compelling. Buffy performs this act of recognition and devotion entirely in secret. It is a stolen kiss and a private confession. A whisper made to a sleeping lover. A letter written, sealed, stamped, and set on fire. It is an act of love and tenderness made entirely for its own sake, without witness or reward. 
This is the single most romantic moment of the show for me. In this show that in many ways about how when nothing you do matters, all that matters is what you do, what could be more romantic than this gentle kiss that changes nothing against this aching hole of violence and betrayal between them, but exists anyway, just because Buffy felt it needed to be done. It’s a silent moment that nobody but Buffy and us are privy to. Neither Faith nor the rest of the world will ever know it happened, but I know I for one will never forget.
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Okay SO trailer dropped here are first thoughts
-Like we’ve theorized before, it looks like Link’s hand gets turned into ancient tech where we can use the old runes during this gameplay poor bby can’t get any rest
-GADGET ARM ATTACHMENTS TO FIGHT (dungeon) BOSSES ???
-can’t climb??? Just casually shoot yourself up through the ground and act like you’re Mirio from BNHA
-permeation y’all permeation
-paragliding is still a thing thank the good lord almighty but I wonder if we’ll be able to paraglide back down to the mainland?? Or if we’ll have specific points of entry and fall to our deaths like we did when we boarded the Divine Beasts and fell if it’s not the right area??
-speaking of falling and dying… loftwings? Can we please get loftwings again?
-I just want my loft wing back 🥺
-I REALLY want my loft wing Nintendo GIVE THEM BACK
-YES it is in the SKY and we HAVE ISLANDS TO EXPLORE
-skyward sword vibes but you can actually see the ground
-no thoughts just admire how amazing the ground looks I mean cmon Seres Scablands is honestly one of my LEAST favorite places in BOTW but it looks fabulous from up above :)
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-Funny how Zelly falls deeper into the earth and we don’t see anymore of it besides Ganon’s corpse also dramatically falling, cuz the man can’t stand sharing the spotlight but whatevs
-now I’m not saying we’ll get to play as Zelly, it’s totally up in the air and at this point I dunno 🤷🏻‍♀️ HOWEVER not seeing Zelly again, the two being separated, the two being in two drastically different places… something seems sus
-(heaven and hell, really Nintendo? Because you can’t give my over analyzing fan girl mind a break huh? Do you KNOW how long I’m going to theorize about THAT SYMBOLISM???)
-Master Sword is conveniently gone. For both Ancient Link and Ground Link. What a shocker
To summarize this first part— a few new tricks with the runes, gADGET ATTACHMENTS LKKE THE CONCEPT ART, becoming Mirio 101, no Zelly gameplay that we have seen (keeping hope tho), and no Master Sword!
And now the VISUALS
The SKY THE SKY THE SKY
We have ISLANDS PEOPLE
But the real question is where these islands came from. It SUCKS because from the perspective we are given (see photo above) we’d be looking southwest from above Ludfo’s Bog. We see the edge of Seres Scablands and can see Illumeni Plateau&Washa’s Bluff in the distance. Both are elevated pieces of land and they are boxed in my Tamio River and Tabagar Canyon
Please ignore quality I get it but I couldn’t get the screenshots to upload from my switch leave me BE
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So we don’t see the ground itself in the trailer because it’s at such a low level :/ I don’t think the islands in the sky are from the main land at all which begs the question of HIW THE HELL ARE THERE ISLANDS
— the answer is Zonai and Zonai don’t play by the rules
-side note, I’ve just noticed the lamp thing on the island Link lands on in the first picture. Specific points of entry? Confirmed.
- continuing the analysis, let’s just note the stark differences between Sky Link and Ground Link.
—Ground Link has his ponytail, he is wearing the champion/Hylian tunic (blessed be)
— Ancient Link has markings on the right side of his torso/shoulder, Ground Link … doesn’t? Unconfirmed need more data
—both do have ancient arm tho so… same Link?
-is it like a clash between ages??? And Link must travel both the sky and land to bring peace back to Hyrule and stop the spread of malice? But he also changes w the terrain?
— I have so many questions literally just on the nature of the islands and Link’s changed appearance between the two like I want SS lore and connections people I want to KNOW
-Hyrule Castle being lifted by straight malice and being set in the sky with the sunset behind it was so visually appealing that I’ve rewatched it at least seventeen times in the hour ish I’ve been analyzing the video
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-Oh let me just say that there are 0 islands when Hyrule Castle is first lifted which tells us that the islands come from whatever Link does after
- The Talus w a Bokoblin encampment on its head. Nuff said.
Additional notes—
Ancient Link’s hair 🥺🥺 isn’t in his ponytail and I just want to thank Hylia and Nintendo for this decision. I love em both
Zelly and Link get separated… how did we know
The Sky and Ground have Skyward Sword vibes but the cave/underground has majors mask vibes. Ganon and Zelly give off Twilight Princess vibes.
The piece of Hyrule Castle that falls off as it starts to lift into the sky is the same part I paraglide to during speed runs and I’m honestly a little hurt by that fact
This gameplay trailer really gives us Skyward Sword vibes and I’m HERE FOR IT!! Y’all should know I absolutely adore Skyward Sword and seeing all the little parallels and things in Botw 2 makes me SO HAPPY and I just want to put skyward sword back into my Wii and play again (but alas imma wait for the switch version). I want to see connections!! I want to see if the Zonai were perhaps a race thAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN ON THE GROUND oh my Hylia
I’m just. So. Excited. Thank you Nintendo for reinvigorating my soul. Just. Thank you.
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addictedtostorytelling · 3 years ago
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Do you think Grissom expected the relationship to last? I was watching a YouTube video with an interview with Billy and he said what they were having in season 7 was an affair. I don’t like thinking that it was an affair, but maybe he thinks that Grissom thought it wouldn’t actually last. Do you think Grissom and Sara had different ideas about the longevity of the relationship initially?
hi, anon!
i'll tackle this question from two angles: the doylist (or "outside-the-universe-of-the-show") angle and the watsonian (or "inside-the-universe-of-the-show") one, okay?
discussion after the "keep reading," if you're interested.
__
first, the doylist perspective:
without having seen the video myself, i can't speak to billy's specific comments in this instance.
however.
i have in the past heard both him and jorja use the words "affair" or even "fling" to describe grissom and sara's relationship during the secret dating phase (s5-s7) in other contexts, and my take has always been that they did so more as a reflection of the secret nature of the relationship at that time than as a comment on the relationship's durability, depth, committedness, or potential viability.
to me, it seems like in their minds it wasn't an "affair" because it was temporary but rather because it had to be kept a secret—a kind of liaison dangereuse that was against the rules and had to be conducted covertly.
the word had nothing to do with the level of investment of the characters.
of course, that said, the fact of the matter is that for as incredibly intuitive as both billy and jorja are as actors about portraying grissom and sara (and their relationship), we have to keep in mind that back in the day when the original series was still airing, they didn't necessarily have any special insight into how their storylines were going to go; they were, as all actors are, beholden to creative decisions made by other people. consequently, they sometimes guessed wrong about what would befall their characters or how certain dynamics would play out. they sometimes even had interpretations of the textual material that didn’t ultimately turn out to be correct.
for example, there are certain interviews from the earlier seasons of the show before gsr got together where billy said he thought that grissom would eventually end up with heather or from the later seasons after the divorce where jorja expressed her belief that maybe sara would start dating again, both of which things we know never ended up happening on the show.
so honestly?
it's possible billy did think that grissom and sara's relationship wouldn't last.
maybe he was flat-out wrong.
but even if he was, it doesn't invalidate the ship in any way.
and it also doesn't change the facts from inside the universe of the show.
as fans, we often want to have the actors who bring our favorite ships to life share all of our opinions about the ships and validate our interpretations of them through their extratextual comments in interviews and bts material because it feels nice to be able to say, “see? the people behind this work understand it in the exact same way that we do.” 
but the fact is that sometimes the actors’ views end up being different than ours, and it’s okay when they are. them seeing things differently doesn’t necessarily invalidate our interpretations because acting choices represent just one small part of what makes a live-action television show come to life.
so even if billy had spent all of s7 thinking of grissom and sara’s relationship as just some temporary affair—and i’m not necessarily saying that he did; just saying that even if such were the case—it doesn’t mean that grissom  necessarily felt the same way himself, because there’s more to grissom (and to grissom and sara’s love story) than just what billy brought to the table.
all sorts of other production factors, from the writing to the directing to the editing to the narratology, all contribute to our final view of what grissom and sara’s relationship is and how grissom and sara conceptualize of it at various points throughout the story.     
so.
to our watsonian perspective:
let us be clear up front: grissom never thinks of what he and sara have as potentially temporary because that’s what he wants.
like.
it’s not a deal where he goes into their relationship thinking, “all right. i’m gonna have some fun for a while, and then once this thing runs its course, i’ll bail.”
just the opposite, in fact.
the whole thing with grissom is that when he first meets sara sidle at the forensic academy conference in 1998, he falls head-over-heels in love with her at first sight. falling in love with her is a revelatory experience for him, unlike anything he’s ever experienced before—and especially considering that to this point in his life, he’s never even really been attracted to another person—and it absolutely spins him off his axis.
he wants to be with sara from the moment he meets her.
he wants to marry her way earlier on than is strictly sensible.
he wants, always, nothing more than to spend the rest of his life at her side, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, as long as they both shall live.
—but for as much as he wants these things, he’s also scared to death to pursue them, mainly because he doubts that there’s any way that someone as perfect as sara is could ever love someone as flawed as he is forever.
he knows on his side of the equation that what he feels for sara is a once-in-a-lifetime, for-a-lifetime kind of deal; that he’s always, always going to want and need her, until the day he dies.
but he has such a poor view of himself, he just can’t believe that sara would ever feel the same way about him as he does her.
like.
maybe she loves him now, but he can’t imagine that her love for him will last once she’s seen all of his broken parts and pieces up close and realized what a (in his view) misanthropic, unyielding, selfish, dark-hearted, obtuse old man he is, inexperienced in love and in so many ways insufficiently human.
he believes that one day she’ll realize how unsatisfactory he is, and that when that day comes, she’ll likely leave him.
—which, in his opinion, will be only as much as he deserves.
now.
these fears on grissom’s part for a long time prevent him from pursuing a relationship with sara. however, eventually (circa s5) he conquers them enough to be able to take the risk of being with her, despite his feelings of inadequacy.
still.
it’s not as if said fears 100% go away, even once he’s with her. though most of the time, he's okay, he does still carry with him some latent concerns that he’s not good enough for her and that she deserves more than he can really offer her. 
at times when his and sara’s relationship is solid, he’s largely able to submerge said concerns, not paying them much mind. however, during periods of crisis, such as when sara leaves vegas in s8 and s9 or during the decline of their marriage in s13, they sometimes do rear their heads, causing him to doubt the viability of the relationship (and to sometimes act on said doubts by electing to remove himself from sara so as to “set her free,” per what he erroneously believes she wants or needs). 
so.
while grissom in no way wants for his and sara’s relationship to be a temporary thing, are there times he worries that it will be?
yes.
but it’s not because he’s not himself committed to the relationship.
like.
his m.o. is to stay with sara for as long as she’ll allow him to.
he wants the whole beautiful life.
he’s not bailing.
—he just, in his worst moments, worries that maybe she will (or even that maybe she should given his inadequacies, even if she’s not personally inclined to).
and, of course, the ironic thing is that sara is basically going through the same thought processes on her side.
she, like grissom, falls in love at first sight and immediately wants to be with him forever, but she also, like grissom, feels like maybe she is herself not “lasting relationship material” (considering how “broken” she is from her childhood), and so fears that maybe someday grissom will tire of her and their relationship and leave her, even though that outcome would be the last thing in the world from what she wants.
like him, she is eventually able to submerge these fears enough to be in a relationship with him, and while she’s in said relationship with him she is able to largely believe that it’s built to last. however, also like him, in times of strain, like during her mental health crisis of s8 and s9, she does worry that maybe she’s unworthy of him and so attempts the same “set him free” routine that he later pulls on her during the divorce.
so.
while sara in no way wants for her and grissom’s relationship to be a temporary thing, are there times she worries that it will be?
yes.
but it’s not because she’s not herself committed to the relationship.
like.
she wants to be with grissom forever.
she just sometimes, in her worst moments, finds it impossible believe that something that good could ever happen to her.
now.
if grissom and sara both allowed these fears and doubts to completely overcome them forever, then their relationship would, in the long term, be unviable. but the thing is, their love for each other is always, at the end of the day, stronger than their doubts about themselves, and because it is, they inevitably manage, even after periods of separation, to make their ways back to each other.
though certainly their relationship has had more than its fair share of ups and downs, ultimately, it endures for over twenty years because they are just stubbornly, unfailing attached to each other.
for all of their ridiculous, self-loathing, “for who could ever learn to love a beast?” antics, the truth is that they have both absolutely wanted the same thing since day #1, which is to spend their lives together, and because they have that desire in common, everything else is just background noise.
they eventually do fully overcome their fears of inadequacy and build upon that really solid foundation to make their bond lasting.
hence what we see in the reboot: two people that fully believe in each other and in their marriage.
thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.
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thebestsandiever · 4 years ago
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Regarding the chaos and aftermath of the Verstappen crash at the 2021 British GP
Before I begin, this is solely my own thoughts on the crash and aftermath of it, resources and intel being from various news reports, articles, interviews, social media reactions/on track fans reactions, commentators, careers etc. Also important, this post was made around 11 PM CEST, so other news after that or in the midst of this, I haven’t considered.
  Comments and discussions are welcome, though remember to keep the tone guys. I rarely comment on anything on Tumblr, but looking at this chaos, I felt like sharing a bit.
  Starting on the incident that happened, I don’t believe that I can clearly decide what happened and who caused, and the only comments I have is that I believe it was a racing incident that has no bad intention. We hear in conclusion from sources (there was an after analysis) (e.g. also Lewis’ Sky Sports interview) that both could have given each other space. Lewis trying to get in, and Max defending his position. People who think Lewis did it intentionally clearly have no common sense, no one wants Max to end up going to the hospital (but he is fine so no worries). Of course, nothing excuses that a crash happened, and it’s a big shame.
  All the hate Lewis is getting should tone down, I think it’s fair to be critical in perspective of racing which consists of the crash and his comments regarding it, but anything that comments on something other than that with negativity, shouldn’t be.
  Something that many F1 fans have brought up and Horner I believe (slightly) is Lewis 15+ years of experience in Formula one and numerous of championships. Which I think in any sport or topic isn’t a fair argument, because mistakes happen to anyone, no one is immune to that, though this is not me calling the crash a mistake, because I don’t believe that is the right word. It’s more Lewis knowing the danger of closing in and Max of course defending himself on track, and this is the end result. And if anyone was a viewer of the Euro 2020 Football Cup Finals, it’s a bit like the Southgate criticism on the penalties.
  This also applies to all the fans who bring up Max’ aggressive and old nickname “crashstappen” from his early F1 career. Whether you have your impression from Netflix’ Drive to Survive or the fact that you’re new, anyone will agree that Max has matured greatly both on and off track, in my opinion one of the calmest drivers on the grid considering the amount of criticism, hate and burden that he gets/has. The fact is that there have been some people on Twitter (when I now and later comment on fans and reactions, it’s usually the very chaotic Twitter), that mentions Verstappen’s past, the infamous Baku and this season’s races where Lewis is the one who, in their words, “has backed up and gave space” (the reason I say their words is because I can’t quite remember so I won’t say that I know for sure). But again, as I mentioned, this is not valid, because it doesn’t excuse what happened today. Every track is a title fight, and previous races and tactics doesn’t apply to this. What I mean is that because Lewis gave space previous races, does it mean that Verstappen should crash? Or worded differently, because Max didn’t give space like he has previous times, that “it was coming” or that he should crash? Biggest takeaway from this is that past and future shouldn’t mean more than what happened in the present. This leading me on to a bit of the hate Max got which I think was quite undeserving, especially under his circumstances, which is f1 fans (mostly Twitter) calling it “karma” and using his young past to somehow “justify” the crash.
Also I really disliked the videos of “British fans” (we can’t actually determine that all were British, but it was home track) cheering when the crash happened, but in general I think cheering on a crash will always be awful even if you’re favourite driver gains position. Gladly though, it quickly died down on the stands as they realized it was hard impact. Very Euro 2020 vibes, though a much better English crowd- Just kidding, maybe you can see I’m not happy when any kind of fans act out of order (also I don’t hate English football fans, but sadly, the ones who make stupid actions overshadow the rest).
  Now I also want to comment a bit on the drivers and teams’ comments and the PR.
  So regarding Max’ social media post about the race. I honestly think it’s fair for him to be upset, no one wants to be taken out on the first lap considering that he is leading while a VERY good and competitive Lewis is trailing behind. My first reaction was that it was quite an aggressive post and the part about him unfollowing Lewis (if that is correct, I haven’t seen it myself yet) was obviously implying that he isn’t happy. Though, emotions run high as well does Lewis’ celebration reaction. I know his mind is to win on track and he has always been outspoken about that fact. Also I don’t quite believe that Max’ comments were full heartedly himself, but the PR team considering he’s just been at the hospital. I’m not happy with his post at all, but I understand both from a PR perspective and a driver’s. I believe almost any driver on the track would have said something like that in an interview if it happened to them. This just happened to be online because of health circumstances.
  Regarding Marko and Horner, I must disagree with their aggressiveness or at least the way they decide to comment on it. I do understand the anger, considering the championship but also concern for Max (anyone who knows their relationship knows that they care about him.) Again, I have to say emotions run high and if anything, managers are good at, and this is not specifically only attacking Horner, but it’s stirring up tension. I would say it’s fair for him to say, and quite expected, not saying I think it’s fair for Lewis to receive though (hopefully you get what I mean).
  Commenting a bit on Lewis’ Sky Sports F1 interview, we can confirm he didn’t know about Max going to the hospital before celebrating. Anyone who wins has the right to celebrate, especially at home, so props for his win, though unfortunately through a crash (this meaning Verstappen was his biggest threat on track). Though I wasn’t pleased about the commenting on Max. This leads further into the interview.
  We get Lewis’ insight on the incident and where he sees Max as the aggressive one, both not giving each other space and having the crash as end result. So in conclusion, Max trying to defend his position and Lewis trying to get in, fair. Please watch the interview, because it clears up a lot of what is spoken about in the media.  
My thoughts on Lewis’ response both before and after hearing about Max going to the hospital in the Sky Sports interview, is that he probably could’ve/should’ve toned down on Max being the aggressor, as they were both considering what the crash led to, and him saying that it was just about who was going to give space until it was too late. It kind of goes against what he just said. But I do agree that Lewis has the right to celebrate because he simply won. I also liked that he had championship spirit saying that considering what happened, it didn’t take the shine away from his win. It may sound disrespectful, and I do still kind of think it is, but on the other side, it’s him being competitive, and both drivers have each other’s respect on being able to fight on track. So he’s got the spirit, just maybe not the right interview to show the most competitive spirit (I think the most competitive spirit/response he’s shown this 2021 season)
  A bit more on his spirit and fighting on track is seen from Lawrence Barreto who tells us that Lewis has the “game on” spirit and is ready for attacks on track but there needs to be respect on track “and if not this will happen more often I guess.” - Lewis. Just a bit more closure from another source, I like that he is more responsive, but this does make it sound like he blames Max for it. I think any driver who are up against each other have the right or it makes sense to give the majority of the blame to the other, they have their own rear mirrors (see it from their own perspective when they drive, quite literally), but it isn’t the best comment to be honest. Since he says himself, both could’ve given space.
  My biggest disagreement that I must mention is the penalty Lewis got, which was the 10 second penalty. Assessing the severity of the crash with high speed, 51G impact, first lap etc. I think the penalty didn’t really serve much of a penalty, but this is also me being critical of the penalty system. These 10 second penalties don’t really make you lose that much of position (depends on car), also this is not a blow at Lewis but just the system. Afterwards, he was also given 2 penalty points. I think compared to someone like Yuki who also got 2 penalty points for crossing the white line twice while entering the pits and George yesterday at the Sprint Race (1 penalty point + 3 place grid penalty) are quite different but looking at the number, there isn’t a big difference in what’s given. But all of this penalty talk is on the stewards and system, so nothing against Lewis and he did take his penalty that was given.
  I did not comment much on the actual incident as I have a hard time really deciding (I can admit I see Lewis unintentionally drift a bit in + this being a very fast turn, I believe just a misjudgment but so many fans think it was intentional), so therefore do read and watch the current and coming interviews and articles to get some racing perspective. It keeps updating and even drivers like Riccardo, Leclerc, Alonso etc. have given their comments, and who better to listen to than professionals themselves. So I encourage you to get perspective there, because I know not all of us are the most technical fans, and we tend to comment by being led through a bias and crowd.
  But if we’re feeling a bit tired from today, so far the drivers are leaning towards a racing incident. They speak of it as quite unclear to determine, basically saying that both drivers could’ve done and were doing something --> could’ve given space.
  We all have to remember this situation is a big deal since it’s the only two to be fair at the moment, who are competing for the championship. Both mad talented and on each other every track. Media blows it out more than them and before we know it, they’re back to what they do best, which is drive.
  Heart goes out to Max, it was quite an impact and if not his worst crash so far in his career. His team radio was quite scary to listen to, I’ve never heard him so shook, but he is doing quite fine at the moment, and he will hopefully recover well enough for the next race.
  As well for Lewis, emotions are running high and people are quick to assume and accuse without using common sense that Lewis wouldn’t endanger Max or himself. He has every right to celebrate a win and props for him winning.
  In conclusion to those who has taken the time to read, don’t let my thoughts be any decider, but more so a way to understand and be a bit more open minded. We are all subjective in the end and I try to see from both perspectives and to be critical as well, not being led by others’ opinions. I’ve stated my sources, and this is only my overall thoughts at the very moment, so remember, as drivers evolve and move on, we do too.
  I again encourage you to watch and research with an open mind so not being led on bias, especially if you’re willing to spread anything on the topic. It serves a greater outcome than sprouting from emotions and lack of information, as we have well seen from this sport. Because media does influence and we as an audience is a part of it. So I must remind again, that this is simply my thoughts.
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codename-adler · 4 years ago
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Dear Tumblr toxicity,
Hi. Adler here. We need to talk.
- TW: mental health issues, depression, bipolar disorder, self-harm, homophobia, transphobia, coming out, xenophobia, islamophobia, racism, implied sexual content, rape, non-con, addictions, abuse, parental negligence, depictions of violence, swearing (please message me kindly if I forget anything)
- What prompted this message: The release of Skam France S7 teaser (emphasis on teaser, will get into that below)
- Where I’m coming from: I will talk from the pov of a white, cis and queer 22-years-old woman (she/her); this is the pov that affects my experiences and the opinions I will share below; but my message comes from a place of deep hurt, and love
- What this is about: My goal is to share a recurring experience that has hurt me in order to spread a message of awareness, maturity, peace and love
- Central content: Skam France, Skam Wtfock, and Skam/remakes in general
From now on I will assume people have enough information for me to talk about the topics without explaining every plotline/character. There are plenty of wiki pages to help you out and I will gladly answer any (respectful) questions asked if a plothole bothers your comprehension of my message. I’m only making these assumptions in order to alleviate the text.
January 9th, 2021.
The francetv slash YouTube channel releases an unexpected teaser video for an equally unexpected seventh season Skam France. The video features Tiffany, a white, cis female teenager, going into labour from denial pregnancy just after winning what appears to be a gymnastics championship. Overall, the video and its release are very dramatic.
The character of Tiffany, also called Tiff, was previously seen on season 6 of Skam France as a bully who persecuted the main character, Lola, both at school and on social media. Outside of this characterization, nothing is known about her. It is majorly accepted that Tiff is not a liked character; she rather poses as one of the antagonists of Lola’s arc.
Now you know the details of what happened, in the most objectively possible way. 
Now I’ll speak for myself.
Before I went digging around for people’s reaction, here is what I initially thought of this video.
1) Shock: I thought Skam France was over, so... Big, big shock.
2) Excitement: I hold this web series very close to my heart. It has gotten me through depressive episodes, anxiety attacks, coming out to my best friend. To see this new development? It couldn’t bring me more joy.
3) Curiosity: I recognized Tiff immediately. I was intrigued as to what would happen to her to set off a new season in true Skam Fr fashion. As soon as she started gripping her stomach, I knew she was pregnant and wasn’t aware of it. Big, big surprise here again.
4) Numbness/Overthinking: As I stared at my screen, motionless, my mind went off. What did it mean? How did she not know? Who is the father? Do we know him? Will the baby survive? Where are the other characters? Will Lamifex be present? What? How? When? Why? Who?
5) Disappointment: No, I did not like Tiff one bit in S6. Yes, I sincerely wished for a season on either Jo (ambiguous and funny teenage girl, cis + white), Sekou (seemingly neurodivergent teenage boy, cis + black), and my favorite, Max (mysterious and grave teenage boy, trans + white) So why Tiff? It felt to me like a missed opportunity, but I did not lose hope.
So, these were the five stages of my emotional process. And then I made the terrible mistake to go look for the fans’ reaction. I didn’t even look at the YT comments, I didn’t go on Instagram, I went directly here on Tumblr. Why? I’m still asking myself that. From S1 to S6 of Skam Fr, I kept my love for the show to myself and only looked at ig and video edits. I tried once, and only once, to look it up on Tumblr, and was greeted by fervent agressivity, disrespect and hate. Why did I ever forget that after watching the S7 teaser? I still don’t know.
The reactions on this platform were wild. People are furious (I get that). People are disappointed (I get that). People are anxious (I get that). People are also verbally agressive, insensitive, hateful, disrespectful and bullies. I don’t get that.
Comments along the lines of “What she gonna do with a fucking baby?”, “Are we gonna watch the baby do nothing all fucking season?”, “Wowwww, teenage pregnancy, so new and relatable!” (note the sarcasm made in the comment here), “Who gives a shit about Tiff?”, etc. 
And then all the mistakes Skam Fr ever made flooded back onto the feed. The wlw misrepresentation, the whitewashing, the overdramatization, the dubious sex scenes between minors, all of it.
Let’s take a break here. Do I condone these mistakes? Nope. Am I a white-bully apologist? Nope. Did I forget every horrible action Tiff has made in the past? Nope. She manipulated a whole school against Lola, she profited from Lola’s mother’s death, she bullied her, harrassed her, pushed her deeper into mental distress. Tiff was a despicable character that I never once liked. The way she was played by the actress made it clear that Tiff was not intended to be a good guy. If I could replace her as the main of S7, I would, in a heartbeat. I’d choose, as I said, Jo, Sekou or Max.
Skam France deeply lacks diversity and made mistakes when attempting to diverse the issues represented. This is not an opinion, it’s a fact. 
Poc representation is very, very low. Only one season has a woc of Islam beliefs as mc (Imane, S4) with poc entourage/family. Only 2 other characters not related to Imane were poc (Sekou and Sarah, S1-S2). These 2 characters were very in the background and served to further the mc’s plotline, they had no real content. (I am not a poc, and so my opinion does not matter here. If you are not poc, your “opinions” don’t matter here, this point is not for you to debate. These are facts.)
While I do not particularly find the wlw representation bad, I do understand how it hurts/bothers other queer women. From my perspective, the bar was very low regarding my expectations of the Lola/Maya pair (none of them died *yay* they had a happy ending *yay* they were not typically overfeminized or overmasculinized *yay* Lola  and Maya were respectful of each other, understood each other, accepted each other with all their flaws and their beauty *yay* I truly believed in their love and it gave me confidence and hope *yay* I ould really go on but this is not my main point so I’ll stop here) Regardless of my opinion on Mayla, I understand that to some queer women, it was bothering/hurtful. (If you are anything other than a woman / wlw, this point is not for you to debate. Keep your “opinions” to yourself, it does not matter here. These are facts.)
Like every remake of the original Skam where the S4 was given to Sana/Imane, the Muslim community was not represented at its best, at its most beautiful and respectfully. The character of Imane, although she is my favorite girl of the series, was not portrayed in a way that respected the majority of the Muslim community. (If you are anything other than Muslim, this point is not for you to debate. Our opinions do not matter here. These are facts.)
And so the same goes for the portrayal of sexual assault and child pronography in S2, of mental illness and homophobia in S3, of disabilities in S5, of addiction, transphobia, self-harm and neurodivergence in S6. Again, if you are not part of these communities, your opinions do not matter on these issues. These are facts that are not up for debate.
In other words, Skam France, as well as the original Skam, Skam Wtfock, Skam España, and probably all the others I haven’t watched in their entirety, are NOT perfect shows. They (maybe) tried their best to portray issues of the younger generations that are ugly, shameful, taboo, hard-to-swallow-pills. Of course they made mistakes. Of course they have to be held accountable. Of course they can and should do better. Of course it must be spoken about.
Here is my problem.
The so-called “fans” shamelessly SHITTING on the WHOLE show because of ONE TEASER TRAILER. (btw, this is where I get angry)
I am not talking about the fans making fun of the show and this season’s premise like “Better MCs than Tiff for S7: a romance between the car that almost hit Lucas S3 and the car that hit Arthur S5, or the school’s nurse, or Imane’s dad, or Elu’s rabbit” (that shit’s funny and I’d watch all of these).Or the joke about Wtfock and Skam Fr shaking hands while signing the same contract to disappoint the fans with white MCs (it’s funny cuz it’s trueeeee).
I am not talking about the fans criticizing the producers’ choice of Tiff as MC. There is a difference between shitting on issues and adressing/discussing them. I WANT to talk about how this season’s issue would have been so much better if a woc, specifically a black woman, had been the MC, because black women and doctors are a whole different level of issue than white women and doctors. Add on top of that an unplanned teenage pregnancy? It would have been IMMACULATE. I WANT to talk which wlw couple was better represented, Mayla or Croana/Crisana, and why is that. I WANT to talk about disabilities in black and poc communities. I WANT to talk about headcanons, AUs, to rectify the missed marks. I WANT to talk about our takes on seasons about Max, Sekou and Jo, instead of Tiff’s.
I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR SHITTY, NEGATIVE, UNHELPFUL, HURTFUL COMMENTS.
Just because the protagonist is white, doesn’t give you ANY right to dismiss the issue that is unplanned teenage pregnancy. This is a problem that affects countries WORLDWIDE. Do you know how many deaths are related to minors giving birth? Do you know how many babies die at birth from these pregnancies? Do you have any idea the trauma it puts you through, to go into labor without even knowing you were pregnant in the first place, and then giving birth, and then having to care for a defensless human being? The dilemma of keeping it, or giving it away? The fear that lives in every person able to give birth, that one day they’ll become pregnant, because society turns sych a shameful look to that? No matter your ethnicity, your gender identity, your sexuality, your political stance or whatever shit you bring up to justify your disgraceful and downright degrading comments, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THAT A MINOR GIVING BIRTH IS NOT AN ISSUE. 
You think the topic has been covered plenty before? Yeah, because shows like “16 and pregnant” and “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant!” are such good examples and show the reality with such an objective point of view! 
Bullshit. Teenage pregnancy is still a taboo, it still kills, and people are still morons about it. 
“Well I guess everybody is secretly pregnant now!” No, Jessica, but you wouldn’t know about it, would you? Because I wouldn’t tell you shit if you were my “friend” and I was going through it. The whole message of all the Skams is not that it presents super relatable issues of teenagers, although it is a big topic of the show. They present some issues that affect the youth in an authentic light, but that’s not it.
Tous les gens que tu rencontres mènent un combat dont tu ignores tout. 
Sois indulgente. Toujours. x x x
//
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
Be kind. Always. x x x
THAT’S THE MESSAGE. THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT OF THE SHOW.
And you all missed it.
All of you making dead baby jokes and death threats, degrading people who give birth, shaming teenagers for their pregnancies... Listen to yourselves.
“Well she deserves it, she was such a bitch!” No, Michael, you shit stick. Let’s rewind a bit for you, yeah? It was a GOD DAMN TEASER. We literally know nothing! Nothing at all! Why are y’all getting mad when we saw 3:25 minutes representing a whole ass season! Listen to yourselves. Y’all judge so fast for people pretending to love Skam and its authenticity and its motto.
You say Tiff is irredeemable?
Emma cheated on her boyfriend.
Manon lied and manipulated her friends.
Lucas was homophobic and prejudiced agaisnt mentally ill people.
Imane was homophobic too and went behind her friends’ back to get what she wanted.
Arthur cheated on his girlfriend too.
Lola dragged Elliot down with her in her addiction, lied, was verbally abusive, etc.
ALL THE MAINS ARE PROBLEMATIC.
Any guess why?
BECAUSE THEY ARE TEENAGERS. THEY ARE STILL GROWING AND LEARNING.
Yet we still loved them all. 
So don’t you dare tell me that Tiff deserves this, that her baby deserves to die, that teenage motherhood is irrelevant. Motherhood is not a curse in the first place, nor is it something to wish to inflict upon anyone. Motherhood is different for every single person and nobody except the person living with it can have an opinion on that. We don’t even know if the baby survived, for God’s sake!
There is no excuse for this kind of behavior..
It makes me so angry. Women are discriminated against in a fandom I thought was safe, again and again and again. 
I have to stop here because, well, this is just too much. There is much wrong with Skam (the original AND all the remakes), but there is even more wrong with the fans. I’m done.
You don’t support the show anymore? Fine, then don’t watch it! If I really am wrong, the number of viewers will go down and the show will die, just like you wished. There is no need to be vicious about it. 
I hope y’all are proud of your misogyny. 
Sincerely,
Adler.
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sidras-tak · 4 years ago
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Please write that Caleb/Veth friends with benefits meta, I would LOVE to read that!
I’ve talked about this before in the widobrave server, and it’s not so much “friends with benefits” as it is “not quite exes”, in my mind. So I’m basing this whole thing off two moments: Keg assuming Caleb and Nott are together, and how Caleb reacted when Nott kissed him right before the failed Widogast’s Transmorgification spell. Also, this is less meta and more speculation.
Let’s assume this: Nott and Caleb, in their time traveling together pre-stream, had a sexual relationship. At the very least, they cuddled and gave each other physical comfort (this part is canon actually). Sometime before the stream began, or shortly after it began, one of the two broke it off. Maybe Nott started falling for Caleb and felt guilty about Yeza. Maybe Caleb’s internalized guilt and shame about being worthy of love caused him to break it off. Either way, they decided to end it while still being friends, devoted to each other. This leaves them on a weird footing. When canon begins, they still are physically comfortable with each other (Nott climbs all over Caleb, he holds her frequently, they sleep in the same bed, hugs all the time) and this is untrue with any other member of the MN and Caleb, who is usually bad at receiving or giving affection. However, they are not romantically together. What are they? Exes? Taking a break? No longer friends with benefits? Pining? Who knows! Not them! Not us!
On to the canon.
Moment one: Keg assumes Caleb and Nott are together. Caleb rolls with her assumption, clearly unbothered by her thinking they might be together. In almost the same breath, Nott denies it, and Caleb looks confused and concerned. Nott berates herself (“he could do much better than a little freakshow like myself”), Caleb shushes her and gets an inn room specifically for the two of them, doubling down that he doesn’t care if people think they’re together. If you view this from the not-quite-exes perspective, it shows that Caleb isn’t ashamed of being with Nott and is willing to take it back up again at some point, while Nott is firmly trying to put it in the past. Given that she has a secret husband, not surprising. It also shows that Caleb isn’t convinced what they have is over. It’s a gray area for him. “Are you together?” Keg asks, and Caleb says, “Sure,” because fuck if he actually knows what they are. Anyway, “together” is close enough.
Moment two: the kiss. It’s hard to separate the actor and the character, especially with Liam, who tends to be in-character as much as possible. When Nott leans in and kisses him sweetly on the lips, Liam/Caleb moves back slightly in surprise and blinks rapidly for a second, then focuses all his attention on Nott while she speaks. He does not appear distressed or confused by the kiss, though he was taken off-guard by it initially. When she’s done speaking, he cups her face in his hand and says, “this will be our best trick yet.” No reference to the kiss, no question as to what she did or how she feels about him, and then they never fucking talk about it again. If one assumes this is their first kiss, that’s odd. Most people would react somehow if their best friend kissed them on the lips, no matter if their feelings were romantic or platonic. If you approach it with the idea that they used to be together and still care deeply about each other, it’s not a confession of feelings, it’s a callback to their shared past. Nott isn’t startling Caleb with the confession that she’s attracted to him, she’s simply reminding him where they started and who they are and were to each other. It fits in perfectly with her speech, thanking him for being devoted to her and spending all this time with her.
The meta angle: we know, almost certainly, that Sam and Liam did not plan for romantic widobrave since the beginning of the campaign. But as early as episode 25′s talks, Sam addresses that Nott’s feelings for Caleb are liable to change and morph as the show progresses (I direct you to this excellent video about nuance), so it’s possible this is around when he and Liam start considering pre-stream widobrave as a possibility--and it falls right before Keg’s assumption and all that it entails. Liam has said that during the course of the game, it’s not unusual for a player to come up with a bit of backstory that they hadn’t considered before and share it with Matt to be used later, so it’s entirely possible from a meta level. 
Caleb and Veth being in a former relationship would fit in with how they struggle to define their relationship in canon. (“he’s my boy and i protect him” “I don’t know what our family is” and “you’re not my....hmm....” all come to mind)
And really, wouldn’t it be exactly like Sam “no metagaming unless it’s funny” Riegel and Liam “this backstory is gonna hurt you so much” O’Brien to make widobrave retroactively canon and not tell anyone for as long as they can manage it.
(As a side note, I am not looking for a debate on the nature of Veth’s feelings towards Caleb. If you believe that Veth views Caleb as her son, you are free to do so, but please leave my post out of it, thanks).
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blackfemininity · 5 years ago
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How do we start this journey of self- love and being enough? How do we begin being who we are actually meant to be?
Hello! Growing up, self love had always been something I’d struggled with because of the experiences I internalized during my childhood. I actually started this blog in 2018 when I was 19 to begin to learn and explore what femininity and black womanhood looks like to me outside of false projections and mentalities.
In the past year, however, I took a step back from this blog because I was battling depression and anxiety. I created this blog to help empower the black woman collective but at the time, I felt like I wasn’t in the right headspace to continue being active and creating content. I thoroughly believe in the quote, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” I had to begin a new journey of healing, growth and self discovery. In my time away, I spent a lot of time prioritizing myself and my personal healing. However, it dawned on me that self love and growth is a lifelong journey that deepens with time. By taking the time to refocus within, I am now in a better place to continue this work. I’m not a licensed mental health professional, however, I can share some insights from my own experience.
The first thing I had to do was become self-aware. I sat down with my journal and began stream-of-consciousness writing, which essentially meant that I kept writing whatever was on my mind and heart until I had nothing to say anymore. I made this a daily practice along with meditation and mindfulness. Being so immersed with social media at the time, I felt like I was deeply disconnected from myself. The purpose of these practices were to help me cultivate stillness and better understand my thoughts and emotions. In doing so, I had a better understanding of what aspects of myself I needed to further develop or discard entirely.
A lot of what I had to unpack centered around my overall experience as a young black girl. I found that as I was growing into a young woman, I still had baggage I needed to let go of. I listened to Bag Lady by Erykah Badu often, with the aim of really understanding the lyrics and implementing them. My journey of self love was mainly rooted in letting go. By letting go of my old false self, I was making space for a new, truer version of myself to come into fruition. By “false” self, I mean that who I was in the past was a result of traumatic experiences and wasn’t an accurate portrayal of who I actually am.
During this time, I began to really pay attention to the concept of metamorphosis specifically in butterflies. Caterpillars eventually get to a point in their journey where their current state no longer brings satisfaction. As a result, they take a leap of faith and undergo a period of darkness in a cocoon stage where they transform into a new, evolved being— a butterfly. This motif encouraged me to begin the work of letting go of my old, false self. Journaling was critical for me because it helped me analyze my thoughts, behaviors and habits (caterpillar stage). It also helped me identify the woman I wanted to become (butterfly stage). I knew my starting point and desired destination. So, I had to create and design a plan to help me release the old and evolve into the new (cocoon stage). I wrote down a series of questions about the woman I wanted to be: “What does she look like? What are her habits? What are her beliefs? What kind of mindset (abundance or scarcity) are her actions rooted in?” and more. I juxtaposed those answers with another series of questions about the woman I currently was: “What are my habits and routines? What are my current beliefs? What kind of mindset (abundance or scarcity) are my actions rooted in?” Seeing the answers to those questions side by side gave me clarity on what actions I needed to take moving forward.
In my cocoon stage, I had to uproot all the false beliefs and messages I had about myself and replace them with more positive, loving and kind ones. These daily affirmations became a North Star that pointed me in the direction of who I wanted to become. They became the foundation of an abundance mindset that helped me believe I could evolve. These statements guided me to cultivate positive and healthy habits and investments in my life. Everyday, I made the decision and commitment to face myself and focus on my own evolution. This meant lessening the amount of time I spent on social media and spending more time rooted within, focused on more fulfilling pastimes. If I was on social media, I filled my feed up with positive and encouraging content. I switched my mindset from, “I wish I could have xyz” (scarcity mindset) to “It is possible for me to have xyz, there’s enough for all of us” (abundance mindset). I continued to curate my black women in luxury instagram page to focus on more women who look like me living a life of abundance, positivity, love, joy, peace and opulence. I even filled my room with these pictures to create an inspiring vision for myself—to reinforce a loving, gentle message to myself: that black girls like me deserve better. This underlying belief helped me eradicate and release the old habits and thoughts that weighed me down. Gradually, as I continued to implement these newer and more positive ideas and actions, I began to evolve, from a caterpillar to a butterfly. However, my evolution isn’t over. That’s an exciting aspect about womanhood I recently discovered. We can reinvent ourselves as many times as we like. We aren’t tied down to any outside perspectives. At any moment, we can choose to refocus on ourselves; we can choose who we want to be. I am still growing, changing and evolving. Every day, I am still learning new things about myself and falling deeper in love with myself. I consciously chose to equate the false beliefs, perceptions and experiences I had in the past with dust. I affirmed myself.
To recap, to start this journey, know that there is no destination. Life isn’t linear, it’s cyclical. There are no bounds or limitations to your own self-love. As time goes on, you can evolve as many times as you desire. You can learn new things about yourself, develop your personal autonomy and navigate the things that only you can control. Shift your focus back to yourself. Become self aware and get to know yourself. Invest in a journal. Allow your self-expression to unfold within these pages. Don’t hold yourself back. Try whatever journaling method suits you whether it's stream of consciousness writing, morning pages, scripting or etc. There are many youtube videos on this subject. There’s also a good book on this topic called The New Diary by Tristine Rainer. It’s a little dated but it’s insightful. Also, take time out of your day just for you. Create a daily practice of self care even if it’s just for 10 minutes. The purpose of this is to center and ground yourself. As young adults, we often divide ourselves amongst many obligations: school, work, relationships, social media and etc. Your sacred time is for YOU. This is important because it will help you recalibrate to your own North Star and remember your personal vision for yourself and your life.
Know that these two concepts can coexist: you are enough in this present moment and you have the potential of evolving into whoever you want to become. Love yourself throughout your evolution and extend love to past versions of yourself. At any given moment, you are worthy of love, especially your own.
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louistomlinsoncouk · 4 years ago
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While many artists would jump at the chance to tell you how lockdown has been a fruitful opportunity for self-improvement, full of pseudo self-help books and pompous podcasts, former One Directioner Louis Tomlinson is adamant that he has done, well, nothing.
“I’ve just watched loads of s___ TV,” he says after a long pause. “The Undoing is decent, isn’t it?”
Twenty-eight--year-old Tomlinson from Doncaster was always the down-to-earth Directioner, frequently describing himself as fringe member who spent more time analysing the band’s contracts than singing solos, known for chain-smoking his way through several packs of cigarettes a day and swearing like a trooper. A rarity, these days, among millennials who’d rather suck on a stem of kale and tweet about their #blessings.
Far from aimless, however, today the singer is full of beans, cheerily shushing his barking dog as he potters about his North London home where he lives with his best friend from home, Oli, and his girlfriend, the model Eleanor Calder.
He's getting ready to rehearse an exciting one-off gig that will be live-streamed from a secret London location on December 12, announced today exclusively via the Telegraph. The proceeds of the night will be split across four charities: The Stagehand Covid-19 Crew Relief Fund and Crew Nation, Bluebell Wood Children’s Hospice and Marcus Rashford’s charity FareShare, to help end child poverty.
The gig means a great deal to Tomlinson, whose first ever tour as a solo artist, to promote his debut solo album WALLS, was cut short back in March after just two concerts in Spain and Mexico. It was an album he’d spent five years working on: a guitar-led project that ruptured with the preppy pop anthems of One Direction, inspired instead by Tomlinson’s love for Britpop.
No doubt he was anxious to get it right following a decade “grown in test tubes”, as Harry Styles once described the band’s formation on the X Factor, where they came third before going on to make a reported $280,000 a day as the most successful band in the world. The pressure, too, was intense: all four bandmates had already released their own solo debuts.
Was he left reeling, I ask, unable to perform at such a crucial moment?
“The thing that I always enjoyed the most about One Direction was playing the shows, so my master plan, when I realised I was going to do a solo career, was always my first tour. It’s something I’ve been looking forward to for the best part of five years now. I got so close, I got a taste for it, and it’s affected me like everyone else, but I’m forever an optimist,” he says down the phone, with what I can only imagine to be a rather phlegmatic shrug.
Sure, I say, but the last year can’t have been easy. Didn’t he feel like his purpose had popped?
“You know what,” he says, reflecting, “maybe because I’ve had real dark moments in my life, they’ve given me scope for optimism. In the grand scheme of things, of what I’ve experienced, these everyday problems...they don’t seem so bad.”
Tomlinson is referring to losing his 43-year-old mother, a midwife, to leukemia in 2016, and his 18-year-old sister Felicite, a model, to an accidental drug overdose in 2018. The double tragedy is something he has been open about on his own terms, dedicating his single, Two of Us, from WALLS, to his mother Johannah, while often checking in with fans who have lost members of their own family.
It’s not unusual for Tomlinson to ask his 34.9 million followers if they’re doing alright, receiving hundreds of thousands of personal replies. It’s not something he will discuss in interviews, however, after he slammed BBC Breakfast for shamelessly probing his trauma in February this year. “Never going back there again,” he tweeted after coming off the show.
“Social media is a ruthless, toxic place, so I don’t like to spend much time there,” says Tomlinson, “but because of experiencing such light and shade all while I was famous, I have a very deep connection with my fans. They’ve always been there for me.”
In return, Tomlinson is good to them. Last month he even promised some new music, saying that he’d written four songs in four days. Does this mean that a second album is on the way?
“Yeah, definitely,” he says. “I’m very, very excited. I had basically penciled down a plan before corona took over our lives. And now it's kind of given me a little bit of time to really get into what I want to say and what I want things to sound like. Because, you know, I was really proud of my first record, but there were moments that I felt were truer to me than others. I think that there were some songs where I took slightly more risk and owned what I love, saying, ‘This is who I want to be’. So I want to take a leaf out of their book.”
Fans might think he’s referring to writing more heartfelt autobiographical content such as Two of Us, but in fact, he’s referring specifically to rock-inspired Kill My Mind, he says, the first song on WALLS. “There’s a certain energy in that song, in its delivery, in its attitude, that I want to recreate. People are struggling at the moment, so I want to create a raucous, exciting atmosphere in my live show, not a somber, thoughtful one.”
He sighs, trying to articulate something that’s clearly been playing on his mind for a while. “You know, because of my story, my album was a little heavy at times and a little somber. And as I'm sure you're aware, from talking to me, now, that isn't who I am.”
It must be draining, I say, the weight of expectation in both the media and across his fanbase, to be a spokesperson for grief and hardship. To have tragedy prelude everything he does and says.
“Honestly, it’s part of being from Doncaster as well, I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. That’s the last thing I want.”
The problem is, says Tomlinson, he doesn’t have the best imagination. “I have interesting things to say musically, but what’s challenging from a writing perspective is that I write from the heart, and I can’t really get into someone else’s story. And right now, being stuck at home, you have so little experience to draw from. It’s actually quite hard to write these positive, uplifting songs, because actually, the experiences that you're going through on a day to day basis, you know, you they don't have that same flavour.”
There is something that’s helping, though: a secret spot near Los Angeles, where he divides his time to see his four-year-old son, Freddie, whom he shares with his ex Briana Jungwirth, a stylist. “It’s remote and kind of weird, and I’m going to go there for three days and write. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it. I found it via a YouTube video. It’s got some very interesting locals who live there, it’s sort of backwards when it comes to technology. It feels like you’re going back in time when you’re there. But I don’t want to give it away.”
Another source of inspiration for his second album is the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ back catalogue. “I grew up on their album Bytheway. And during lockdown I've been knee deep in their stuff. I’ve watched every documentary, every video. And I find their lead guitarist John Frusciante just fascinating.”
Has he spoken to Frusicante?
“I f______ wish,” snorts Tomlinson.
Surely someone as well-known as Tomlinson could easily get in touch?
“No, honestly, I think he’s too cool for that. He’s not into that kind of thing.”
Tomlinson’s passion for all things rock is also spurring on a side hustle he picked up as a judge on the X Factor in 2018: managing an all-female rock band via his own imprint on Simon Cowell’s Syco label. While the group disbanded before releasing their first single, and Tomlinson split from Syco earlier this year, the singer is keen to nurture some more talent.
“I'm not gonna lie, my process with my imprint through Syco, it became challenging and it became frustrating at times,” Tomlinson says a little wearily. “The kind of artists that I was interested in developing – because I genuinely feel through my experience in One Direction, you know, one of the biggest f______ bands, I feel like I've learned a lot about the industry – they weren’t ready-made. So I had lots of artists that I took through the door that were rough and ready, but major labels want to see something that works straight away. I found that a little bit demotivating. I love her and she's an incredible artist, but not everyone is a Taylor Swift.”
Tomlinson spends much of his free time scouting new talent either on YouTube, Reddit or BBC Introducing – he’s currently a huge fan of indie Brighton band, Fickle Friends. His dream is to manage an all-female band playing instruments. “Because there's no one in that space. And I know eventually if I don't do it, someone else will!”
Before he drives off to rehearsals, we chatter about how much he's been practising his guitar playing, and how he can't wait to take the whole team working at his favourite grassroots venue, The Dome in Doncaster, out ice-skating after he performs there on his rescheduled tour. “Because I've got skills,” he says, and I can hear his chest puff.
And then I ask the question every retired member of One Direction has been batting off ever since they broke up in 2015, after Zayn Malik quit. Rumours that his bandmates saw him as a Judas went wild after some eagle eyes fans noticed they’d unfollowed him on Instagram. Payne, Tomlinson, Horan and Styles have barely mentioned him since. Recently, however, they re-followed him, and Payne has teased that a One Direction reunion is on the cards.
So: might 2021 be the year of resurrection?
“I thought you were going to ask something juicier!” say Tomlinson witheringly. “Look, I f______ love One Direction. I'm sure we're going to come back together one day, and I'll be doing a couple of One Direction songs in my gig. I always do that, so that's not alluding to any reunion or anything. But, I mean, look, I'm sure one day we'll get back together, because, you know, we were f______ great.”
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