#I’m being really brave about it if you can’t tell
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dark-elf-writes · 1 year ago
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Screaming at a god who will not answer for mercy I will not find (want to write and have no words)
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shima-draws · 2 years ago
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Told my boss that NO I cannot take over customer phone calls because my anxiety will literally not be able to take it. And I’m being SO brave about it,
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the-casbah-way · 2 months ago
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i found loads of pictures of my uncle i am going 2 cry
#he looked so sweet…..he looks SO much like my dad#i found the last picture of him that my granddad took a month or so before he died it’s so sad#trying to decide if i should tell my mum that i know about him or if i should just keep it to myself#idk if somethings wrong with me maybe it’s because i was already grieving before i found out#but it’s really getting 2 me i can’t concentrate on my uni shit i just keep thinking about it#i think i rlly need to talk about it with someone but i have no idea who or how or what i’d say. but it’s weird because it’s a secret yk#like i’m not even supposed to know he existed#idk. i have a gender clinic appointment next week and i’m going to ask if they can recommend any therapists#me being very very brave and trying therapy again after being forced into it my whole life and ending up a bit traumatised#idk. i feel bad that i’m alive and i’m wasting my life when my uncle got killed when he was just a kid#it makes me feel like i should be more grateful and do more with myself.#and i am going to try but i’d rather he was here instead. same with my granddad#every time i experience something beautiful or good i wish my granddad could experience it because he deserved it more than me#and the best i can do is experience it for him and be grateful. but i would chance places instantly if i could#him and his kid deserve to be here they were so special. i know i don’t know his kid but i’ve heard they were similar#so i know he must have been special too#i found a fb comment today from a family friend i’ve never met and she was saying that she only met my granddad once#but she called him gentle and it made me cry. because he was very scottish and sweary and traditional and masculine#so everyone just assumed he was tough and scary but if you knew him he was really quiet and kind#and i’m glad someone who only met him once could see that#i’m going to be half asleep for the rest of my life i think. i’ve been dreaming since my granddad died and i don’t feel like i ever woke up#nothing has felt real since i was nine years old. everything just stopped and never started again#i’ve just been waiting. i’m waiting for him to change his mind and come back. idk. i don’t know what to do with myself#and i continuously feel fucking insane and stupid for being this way. it’s like fresh grief all the fucking time#but it was fifteen years ago. why does it still feel this way#i can’t even tell people because they won’t understand why i’m still so bothered by it#he was my parent for nine years. i lived with him he was my sole caretaker#i was nonverbal and him and my brother were the only people on the planet who knew what my voice sounded like#he’d think it was silly if i failed my exam because i was crying about him instead#he’d tell me to whisht and stick in. so i will
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ectoplasmer · 1 year ago
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in the middle of reading the new wind excerpt and god. oh my god. someone sedate me
#AGHHHHHH frostpaw. my baby :(#she spent a wholeeee book building up her courage to approach and accept what actually happened to her and her mother and her clan#she spent a whole book recovering and coming to terms with and understanding what she had to do#she spent a whole book preparing herself to save her clan and prove herself and it just Blows Up In Her Face within one gathering. crying#and the way splashtail just undermines her right in front of her clan?? telling them she must be psychotic or having a breakdown of somesor#that she must be confused and lost and hurt over her mother’s death and how they can’t trust what she says because of that#babying her in front of everyone right to her face. fucked up man#i mean she is Baby but i believe she is actually full grown by this point and is at the age where she would usually be made full medicineca#it’s just. god. everyone not trusting her. everyone throwing accusations at her. everyone not even giving her the time of day#so messed up!!! i’m going to go cry about it now bye#YES i’m getting emotional over a series meant for 6th graders leave me alone!! /hj#delete later#but like man. everyone in her clan rejected her. even her own family?? her siblings???? MOTHWING????#i know they can’t really do anything and riverclan wants stability but. man she’s just a baby. she’s still an apprentice cut her some slack#at least frostpaw will be with shadowsight#they can bond over their shared trauma of being led on by someone and getting almost killed by said someone#….weird how that happened twice within two arcs#inherently doomed medicine cats my beloveds. you are everything to me and you deserve so much better god damnit#listen i loved what the erins did with bristlefrost last arc but they cannot do that to me again#good on them for being brave and killing off a protag but no!!! not with these ones this time!!!!!#anyway
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madigoround · 2 years ago
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So quick update I guess talking to myself so I don’t go crazy and because parasocial relationships go both ways and it feels like I have support this way? Lol but I got to my home like ten minutes before I was supposed to meet my realtor and the seller was still here with their kids so I just went around the block a few times and they left and my realtor got here and we were walking around inside and we flicked the lights and…no power. Even though it was set to start yesterday. So I called the power company and it took like 25 minutes to get through to a real person and they said their system had a lapse and even though it said I was supposed to have power yesterday it just didn’t start the electricity because of their system failure and they asked when I would like someone to come out and I said as soon as possible and she said someone would be here between 6 and midnight and they wouldn’t call me to give me a heads up I just had to be here to let them in whenever they showed up. So now I’m sitting in my empty house in the dark with no power and no way to charge my phone and the place I’m currently staying is an hour away I was going to stay here for a few hours and clean and then go back there to pack up my things for actually moving some of my stuff tomorrow so I could stay here this weekend. And I’m trying to convince myself this isn’t a bad sign from the universe or something and is instead just like bonding time with my home.
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sailforvalinor · 2 years ago
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#oohhh girlies in my phone I’m really in it now#I went to talk about this in the tags last night but then I rambled so much I HIT THE TAG LIMIT LOL#but um basically I got re-acquainted with a boy I was friends with when I was nine only to discover that I still have a crush on him???#MAYBE??? I DON’T KNOW????#I genuinely don’t know if I actually do or if I’m just thrilled to find a guy I can talk to like a normal person who doesn’t make me want#to dig a hole in the ground and hide (this is not a dig at the menfolk I’m just nervous around guys my age for some reason)#it’s such a rarity you know???#I just I don’t know aaaaaaaaaahh#I don’t often find people that I’m on the same wavelength with like that. like a kindred spirit thing#and like one thing is he IS a year and a half or so younger than me which is slightly awkward now but won’t be in even just a year or so#my family (in their usual fashion) have tossed him up to me as a potential option multiple times this week and I haven’t been as adverse as#I usually am to their suggestions so like. I think they can TELL haahahahhahahaha#like it doesn’t matter I guess because I’m going on an exchange program and I won’t see him again until next year anyway#but it’s been two days and I can’t stop thinking about it#also the other thing is I don’t have his number but my brother has it and like I’m not going to ask for it because a) my brother would make#fun of me relentlessly and also b) what would I even do with it I’m not that brave#I am perfectly content with just being friends for the moment but I don’t want to let that friendship atrophy in the whole year we don’t#see each other but!!! I’m too awkward!!!#but. anyway. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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fastandcarlos · 3 months ago
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On The Mend : ̗̀➛ Oscar Piastri
summary: with your lack of presence in the paddock, fans are starting to worry, little do they know that you happen to be a little broken back at home
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oscarpiastri: another successful week of racing, super proud of the whole team to get the car all the way to P2 this weekend 🏆🏎️
35,058 comments
username1: congratulations oscar, such an awesome drive!!
username2: just a shame that yn wasn’t there to see it once again 🙄
landonorris: so proud of you osc 😭😭😭
username3: surely they can’t still be together, she hasn’t shown her face in weeks…
charles_leclerc: mum is very proud that the two of us were on the podium btw
oscarpiastri: @/charles_leclerc it was all thanks to her pep talk ofc
username4: we’ll still support you osc even if yn won’t
mclaren: the whole team is so proud of you, congratulations oscar!
username5: enjoy the celebrations, I’m sure the team will be there for you at least 🥲
danielricciardo: congrats brother, always nice to see you repping for down under
username6: either something must be seriously wrong or yn really just doesn’t care anymore 😭
maxverstappen1: hell of a drive from you, great to see you back where you belong!
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ynusername posted two private stories
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georgerussell63: thanks for reminding everyone I got a penalty yn 😂😂
oscarpiastri: make sure you’re resting, you don’t need to worry about the race sweetheart!!
ynusername: I’ve never missed a race of yours 😩
danielricciardo: why tf are you in hospital and why didn’t you tell me immediately so that I could help!!
nicolepiastri: sending you lots of love sweetheart, sorry we can’t be there to help you 💕
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oscarpiastri: I promise to sneak you in loads of snacks as soon as I’m there 💞
lilymhe: I miss you so much, hope you’re recovering well girlie
landonorris: he’s on the first flight outta here straight back to you 🧡
carmenmmundt: sending you all the healing vibes in the world ❤️
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oscarpiastri: wish me luck on the flight, some weird passenger keeps looking over their shoulder at me 👀
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username7: that poor pilot having to drive these two home lmao
danielricciardo: now you get to experience my struggle before you came along 😭
oscarpiastri: @/danielricciardo idk how you ever did it 🤦🏻
username8: at least oscar has lando to celebrate with even though others have abandoned him
alex_albon: why else do you think we offered to take you home on our plane instead?! 😂
username9: i wonder if he's going home to yn being there or not
charles_leclerc: you're incredibly brave volunteering to travel home with him 👏🏻
username10: yn should be there with him, i really hope that they're okay
username11: what would we do without these two in our lives!?
maxverstappen1: we tried to talk you out of it but you didn't listen 🤷🏻
username 12: i love how all the boys are exposing lando as a terrible travel partner hahah
landonorris: stop trying to make it sound like we're not bffs osc 💔
oscarpiastri: @/landonorris that's because we're definitely not best friends
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oscarpiastri: seeing as some people want to make it their business, we thought we’d share why yn hasn’t been around recently. a couple of weeks ago she had a nasty fall at home which resulted in a broken leg. yesterday I finally got to bring her home and begin helping her with recovery…just call me doctor piastri from now on 🧑🏻‍⚕️💞
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username13: i hope all you losers who thought they broke up are proud of yourselves 🙄
landonorris: you guys know where i am if you need anything!!
georgerussel63: we love you yn, make sure you get plenty of rest ❤️❤️❤️
username14: sending you so much love yn, get plenty of rest
ynusername: apologies in advance for the lack of sleep you're about to get because of me 😂
oscarpiastri: @/ynusername as long as you're healing idc 🥹
username15: can't believe some of you were so stupid to ever think they'd actually break up
alex_albon: glad to see you're back at home where you belong yn
danielricciardo: do i even want to ask how she managed to break her leg??
oscarpiastri: @/danielricciardo if I told you I don't think you'd believe me 😂
username16: poor oscar looks exhausted having to drive and take care of yn too
charles_leclerc: pls tell me I get to sign the cast ✍️
ynusername: @/charles_leclerc i'll save a spot just for you
username17: please make sure you take care of yourself yn and ignore what everyone has to say
carmenmmundt: sending you so many healing vibes yn, we miss you at the paddock
username18: during a time when they need privacy and instead they've been hounded by nosey idiots 🤦🏻
maxverstappen1: can't wait to see all the doctor piastri content from you! 😂
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oscarpiastri: the only way to get her out of the house atm is to bribe her with coffee ☕️
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username19: it's adorable how much oscar cares about her 🥰
lilymhe: tell her im omw with coffee as we speak to get her out again!
username20: it's so good to see yn back up on her feet and moving around again 🤩
alex_albon: i actually forgot what yn looked like stood upright for a moment
username21: why does it feel like oscar is one of those partners who is constantly checking on her making sure she's doing her exercises and following every single bit of advice
maxverstappen1: yn's injury is really making you look like the doting boyfriend rn ❤️
danielricciardo: if yn ever gets bored of being entertained on a walk by you, you know where i am!
username22: i bet yn can't wait for race weekend again to get rid of the nagging doctor 😂
landonorris: wish you looked after me as well as you look after yn
oscarpiastri: @/landonorris just a shame that we're not dating then really huh?!
username23: anyone else noticed how many drivers have been round this week to take yn out and make sure she's staying active too
username24: @/username23 i think she might just be the most popular wag on the grid
ynusername: i hate you but i love you at the same time these days 💞
oscarpiastri: @/ynusername if the doctor says you keep moving, it's my job to make you move 😂
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ynusername: I always knew oscar was secretly boyfriend coded but damn having him look after me is making me fancy him all over again 🔥
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username25: i think i might've just fallen in love with him all over again too 😍
alexandrasaintmleux: make the most of all of the attention you're getting girl
ynusername: @/alexandrasaintmleux oh I am, he doesn't let me lift a finger 😘
username26: soft, doctor boyfriend oscar might just be my new favourite thing
charles_leclerc: if i see many more of these posts from you i might just need a sick bucket 🤮
username27: yn you really are the luckiest having this guy in your life
carlossainz55: i always knew he was a softie deep down 🥺
oscarpiastri: you know i'd do anything as long as it meant getting you better again
ynusername: @/oscarpiastri you're an angel in disguise i swear
username28: i'd break my leg too if it meant oscar piastri was there to look after me 😂
username29: it melts my heart to see how caring oscar has been over the past few weeks
danielricciardo: even i found myself getting a bit excited when i saw these photos yn
username30: everyone needs an oscar piastri in their life
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ynusername posted two stories
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landonorris: you're ruining oscar's image with every post you share these days 😂
oscarpiastri: there's nowhere else that I'd rather be
ynusername: we'll pretend you didn't complain that it wasn't race weekend first thing this morning shall we???
carmenmmundt: hope it's good news, lemme know how you get on!!
alex_albon: praying for you and hoping that it's the beginning of the end now 💕
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danielricciardo: thinking of you guys, tell the doctor if he doesn't give you good news i'll break his leg 💞
ynusername: something tells me you might find a few challenges in doing that hahah
georgerussell63: you're so strong yn, just remember we love you
charles_leclerc: the whole family is hoping for good news for you and oscar ❤️
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ynusername: the moment i've waited for for so long, back in my second home of the garage and back supporting my love during race weekend
14,592 comments
username31: make sure you keep taking care of yourself yn!! 💕
oscarpiastri: cannot begin to tell you how happy i am to have you back with me again ☺️
ynusername: @/oscarpiastri the best feeling in the world being able to cheer you on again
danielricciardo: ik just how much this means to you, welcome back to us yn
username32: it's so good to see you right back where you belong again
username33: it feels like you've never been away, I'm so happy for you guys 🥹
charles_leclerc: on the mend at last, i hope you know just how many people can't wait to welcome you back this weekend
username34: we love our favourite #81 fan 🧡
iamrebeccad: i am hurrying over to that mclaren garage as fast as i possibly can rn ‼️
username35: so happy to see you back on your feet and back with our favourite duo again
username36: this is the content we've been waiting for, it's so good to see you back
landonorris: as much as i hate having to share oscar again, it's a joy to have you back 🙃
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˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗
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luveline · 1 year ago
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𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡? | 𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧
you finally work up the courage to kiss Eddie for the first time and he can’t cope (even if he claims he can). 2k words. requested here
cw fem!reserved/shy!reader, first kiss, heavy kissing, mutual pining, eddie being a hot dork
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Some people (Steve) call Eddie your loser boyfriend, while other people (the girls at work) call him the rockstar. 
You see both sides of him now. 
“Sweetheart!” he calls, the passenger seat window rolled down, his voice strong where he shouts behind the wheel. The van bumps the curve, leaving a sanguine line of rust in its wake and a creak to make everybody on the sidewalk wince. 
“Hello,” you call back. 
The van hums. You wait for him to be at a definite stop before you approach, hands on the open window, leaning up so as to see him best. It’s not just a usual date night tonight, Eddie’s taking you to Indianapolis for a rock show, and he’s dressed the part. “Woah, you look cool,” you say, bravely, wondering if that’s the right thing to say. It’s undoubtedly true —he’s slicked his curls with mousse to define them and leave them pitch black in accordance with his eyeshadow, dark and tapped into his lash line. The top he wears is incredibly tight, carving the softer lines of his abs for anyone to see, and his black jacket is ripped in places to expose the ink of his tattoos. “Are they multiplying?” 
“What?” he asks, grinning at you. “Are you getting in? It’s freezing!” 
“Your tattoos,” you explain, opening the door and popping up into the van with one shoe on the step. 
“Shit, you wanna see?” 
You’re not scared of Eddie, you just like him. He doesn’t worry you, doesn’t pressure you, nothing nefarious about him. He’s pretty, he’s considerate, and he does stuff like this, peeling out of his jacket to flex his arm at you and show you the Saran wrapping around his bicep. “Like that one?” he asks.
He has nice arms, and they’re all the better for his painful obsession. His newest one is difficult to see well under the wrapping. He notices you squinting and moves it up, tape pulling his skin. 
“Another bat?” you ask. 
“Not cool?” 
“So cool,” you disagree. This bat is unlike the others on his arm, which are small and simple in comparison. This one is heavily detailed and very dark, fangs in small triangles bared. The eyes aglow. The skin around it is red. “Did you get that today?” 
“On a whim. Still wanna date me, or is it getting to be too much?” 
You can’t answer him, and he knows that. You’re not very good at navigating intimate conversation or circumstance, though you like him, and he must know that too. Or he must really like you. Your dates have been chaste. Only last time could you work up the courage to take his hand, but when you had, he rewarded your courage with a drove of tenderness, fingers rubbing your knuckles and squeezing soft patterns for hours at the back of the movie theatre. 
The drive to Indianapolis takes near enough an hour. Eddie puts you on map duty but doesn’t use it, ignoring your offer of directions on the insistence that he knows a shortcut and then rerouting when you get too lost. He tells you there are snacks for you in the centre console and laughs, endeared, when you pop the lid and smile at it all. You talk about the show, a band you’d never heard of but had wanted to see on the grounds of sharing his interests. That’s what couples do, right? They try to do things together. You have to put yourself out of your comfort zone, and you’re happy to try if it means you can do it with him. 
“You nervous?” he asks, pulling into the parking garage outside of the venue, a towering, multi-story fiasco crammed with cars and motorbikes. 
“No,” you say, not quite mumbling as you look down at your hands. 
“Good, don’t be. I’m gonna look after you, we’re gonna have a great time. And then we can get takeout after?” You look up. He stretches his arm out to glance at his watch. “I would’ve taken you before, but good old Indianapolis keeps getting further away.” He smiles apologetically. 
You laugh without meaning to. His smile ramps up a notch. 
“I love when you laugh. You have such a cute laugh,” he says. 
“I know you’re lying,” you say, still laughing anyways. 
“I’m not lying, I love the way you laugh!” He shakes his head, curls falling away from his face as he flicks on the light on the car roof. “We have half an hour till doors open.”
“You don’t wanna line up?” 
“It’s kind of overwhelming and I figured we’d stay near the back of the crowd for your first gig here, it gets pretty rowdy.” He says ‘pretty rowdy’ like a drag, nodding gently, eyes lit with mirth. You love it when he talks like that. 
“We can go now, get further in. I can handle it.” 
“It’s not about handling it, I want you to have a good time. Plus, they could ruin your nice dress.” 
You meet his gaze all smiles like he is, but heat flickers in your chest and in your stomach, and you have to look away. It’s an impulse you’ve always given into. You’re reserved in the feelings department but trying not to be, Eddie deserves reciprocation, but it’s hard. Either way, he seems to understand this about you, and he hasn’t complained. 
Still, a bedraggled silence falls. Nearly awkward, unsure of how to tread, you sit together in your separate seats listening to cars parking and doors opening, closing on either side of you, the headlights of the cars driving past glaringly bright, white flashing over your screwed palms. 
“You okay?” he asks. 
You’re sure Eddie wants to kiss you. Three nights ago at the movies, after an hour of languid hand holding, he’d looked at your lips no less than three times as he said good night. He told you he’d had an amazing time, and that he couldn’t wait to see you again. You’d said the same in earnest, and then he’d just walked away. All those stolen glances and he hadn’t made a move. 
“Eddie… why…” You poke your tongue into your bottom lip momentarily, chewing it over. “Why haven’t we kissed yet?” 
“Um–” He lets out a nervous giggle before roughly clearing his throat. You peek at him, watching intently as he takes his hair away from his face with two hands. “I’m just waiting on you, sweetheart. No pressure.” He laughs as he talks, a picture of panic, “You’re sort of shy about that stuff, you know? I didn’t wanna surprise you.” 
“But you do want to kiss me?” you ask unsurely.
He puts his hand on your knee, the space between you suddenly smaller and warmer, the light like white glaze on his pupils, illuminating his finer details. He has a mole nestled under his eyelashes too small to see until now; it catches your attention. You stare at him too long. 
“Of course I do,” he says, eyebrows pinching together in concern. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since I met you.�� 
You nod and snap your head back to your lap. Why does he have to be so nice? You wish you’d listened to Steve, even if he was joking, you shouldn’t have ever said yes to Eddie, because now you’re terrified you can’t kiss him and you’ll ruin everything…
“Hey, it’s fine. I’m not waiting for anything. You can take your time or you could never kiss me, and I won’t care. I swear. I mean, I really want you to kiss me but I’ll find a way to cope, I’m sure.” He takes his hand from your leg softly. “Do you want my jacket? It’s cold out, n’ we should probably start walking.” 
You pull your head up slowly. 
He reads your hesitant expression. “I’m in no rush,” he promises, head ever so slightly ducked to yours. 
Okay, you think. Okay, I can do this. You hold your breath and start to lean in. He falters, a millisecond of misunderstanding, before he recognises what you’re doing and smiles. He reaches for your waist with enough care to give you a chance to change your mind, and when you’re close enough to feel his breath, his lashes shutter. 
You follow suit, blind, with nothing but your intuition as you press your lips to his. 
With a feeling like the hum of the engine under your hands, you bring your fingers to his soft cheek and hold him still. He breathes in harshly, touches you far from it, his palm slipping behind your back to pull you in. You lean into it; it feels natural to give in, to turn your head one way and part your lips, to have him kiss back with heat and surprising sweetness.
You feel unlike yourself in a good way, falling back to kiss forward again, a third time, trying to chase the lulling bliss of his lips. The stomach aching want. Your hand chases across his cheek and into the curls behind his ear, needing him closer but not expecting the sound it elicits. He sighs into your lips and you flinch back, startled by the sensation. 
Eddie rubs your back with his index finger, unjudging as you drop your head to catch your breath. 
“You okay?” he asks quietly. You can hear his affection. It’s palpable. 
You nod, a dizzy weight collected in your forehead, thankful when his free hand catches your cheek and he turns your face gently to the side. “I got too hot,” you confess, only half of the truth. 
“It was pretty hot.” He smiles at you like you’re the only person in the world, like you’ve a secret only he knows. “Want me to turn on the A/C?” 
“No, I–” want to kiss you again, you think. You might even tell him so, but he starts to blow on your face, disrupting any thoughts you’d had earlier. He purses his lips and blows cold breath on your cheek, a tenderness in his gaze and the tip of his thumb where it rests just under your eye. “Oh.” 
This might be the most romantic thing anyone’s ever done for you. Your face feels precious in his careful hand, pretty under his longing look. You’re not scared when he encourages you back to his lips, your eyes quick to close, your hands across the gap of your seats to gather his shirt between tight fingers. 
His kiss is a reflection of him. Loser, rockstar, he’s eager and his hands start to betray that, his kissing melty hot and addictive as the tip of his nose presses hard to yours. You turn your face to accommodate him better and that small action drives him crazy. He’s pulling you in, smiling into your mouth, making breathy sounds that’ll stick around in your head ten times as long as the tingles filling your chest as just kisses and kisses and doesn’t stop. 
“M’sorry,” he says, pulling away, and then stealing another heavy, soft kiss like he couldn’t wait. “Sorry,” he apologises again, stroking the skin beside your eye to encourage you into opening them. “I’m not trying to get carried away. Just can’t believe you just kissed me.” 
“No, it’s okay, I– I really wanted to.” 
He kisses your cheek. You aren’t expecting it and you don’t know how to deal with it. It’s like kissing him has invigorated him, you’re a shot he knocked back, his excitement catching as he begs, “Close your eyes again, sweetheart, just one more–”
You raise your chin and he practically gasps, immediately pressing a last chaste kiss to your burning lips. 
“I’m not always like this,” he promises, leaning away, his fingertips falling from your face to trace down your neck, your shoulder. “You’re just so fucking pretty I lost my mind. I’m on best behaviour from now on, swears.” 
He raises his hand up in a scout’s honour. 
You breathe out happily. “Thank you.” 
“Oh my god. Quick, we better get out of this van before I lose my mind.” He shakes his head. “You’re insane. I have such a crush on you, holy fuck,” —he turns away from you and gets out of the van— “Jesus.” 
You pull down the sun visor to check your reflection in the mirror. You look thoroughly kissed, eyes aglow with it. 
“Fuck!” Eddie swears. You beam at yourself as he wraps on the window. “Come on, sweetheart! I have a concert to pretend to pay attention to.” 
You slink out of your seat, brave enough to try for another kiss so long as it doesn’t kill him dead right here in the parking lot. 
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
please like/reblog or comment if you enjoyed! I love knowing what you think and it means so much to me/ inspires me to write even more!!! <3 but of course I hope you enjoyed reading regardless :D 
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shuafiles · 4 months ago
Text
w boyfriend [j.ww]
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MDNI, 18+
SUMMARY | watching wonwoo play video games is so hot.
PAIRING | streamer gamer bf!wonwoo x afab!reader
CONTENT | smut with no plot (kinda), slight masturbation (f), oral (m receiving), unprotected sex (pls dont), light degradation, voyeurism? (listening in), big dick wonwoo
WORDS | 2.4k
A/N | typical wonwoo gamer smut, which im obsessed with. also valorant gamer wonwoo, and a lot of stream terms lol.
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you were lying in bed with your phone in hand, scrolling through every social media app due to boredom, when a notification popped up reading, “jwonwoo is live!”. a smile forming on your lips, you clicked on it. your boyfriend–clad in a grey hoodie and his black glasses–was displayed on your phone screen. he was looking around his screen, making sure everything was perfect for the stream. you glanced at the chat, seeing people slowly start to come in and greet him.
you loved that wonwoo was a streamer. it was so on brand of him to play video games and to livestream them to people. you could tell he loved creating content, too, always raving about what new games he was excited to play for his viewers. he couldn’t have done it without you. before you and wonwoo decided to live together, he used to stream his games for you on discord. seeing how entertaining it is to watch him play, you convinced him to livestream his gameplay to people, and he did. now he has over 300,000 followers on his account, supporting himself with what he loves doing most.
“plant the spike, gyu!” wonwoo’s voice echoed from your phone. you were so deep in thought that you hadn’t even realized his game started. examining him through his camera, his brows were furrowed, gaze intent on his game while simultaneously making call outs to his teammates.
there was something about wonwoo playing video games that made him so hot. his fingers quickly hovering and pressing different keys on his keyboard, which you could slightly see through the hand cam he had attached below his face cam (it was requested by his viewers). you loved the sight of him playing, you think it’s one of his hottest moments. him being so focused on whatever game he had on for the night. the sleeves of his hoodie being pushed up against his arm, his muscles flexing every now and then. you felt your arousal gathering between your legs, gripping your pillow before deciding to get up and head toward his room.
“hold on, cheol, i’m smoked off, can’t get into the site.” your boyfriend sat on his chair, facing his brightly lit monitor that you were sure was too close to his face. you leaned on the doorframe, arms crossed against your chest as you watched him. he muttered curse words when his agent died, leaning back on his chair as a spectator. the corner of his eye spotted you, head turning to face you fully, he flashed you a smile. he muted himself on discord, gesturing you to come close, which you did. “everyone, say hi to y/n! my lovely girlfriend is here.” he placed his hand on your hip as you leaned down to show yourself on camera.
“hi, chat!” you waved, smiling. your relationship with wonwoo was not hidden. his true fans knew he had a girlfriend, some were supportive, and some were haters. you did not really mind it, after all, they were only brave through the screen. you glanced at his second monitor where the chat was displayed, various people saying hi and complimenting you filled his stream. growing shy, you waved another goodbye before leaving the frame.
wonwoo quickly said he’d be right back before tapping the mic that was mounted on his desk to mute himself, pushing a button that turns his camera off. he slid one ear of his headphones off the side of his head. “hi, baby. what’s up?” he pulled you close to him, making you stand between his legs. his arms resting on your waist.
“nothing, just missed you.” you placed your arm on his shoulders, ruffling his hair lightly.
“wonwoo! buy a gun, man!” mingyu’s voice from his headphones. you leaned down to kiss his lips lightly before getting out of his grip.
“i’m sorry, baby. i’m just going to play a few games, then you have me, okay?” wonwoo assured you, placing his headphones on. taking a final look at you before he playfully patted your ass, making you yelp. “i love you!” he yelled out as you made your way out of his room.
an hour has passed, and you grew even more needy. wonwoo’s stream is still displayed on your phone, watching him intently and imagining him working on you instead of his keyboard. sprawled out on the bed, you closed your eyes, hands carefully caressing your own body. you wore a white tank top with lace on top and some pink and white striped lounge shorts. biting your lip, you slipped your hand under your shorts, not wearing any underwear. you swiped a finger from your entrance down to your clit, feeling your slick just from the thought of your boyfriend.
as if wonwoo could read your mind, you heard him groan from your phone. “fuck!” he sighed as he whiffed on an enemy. the sound traveling to your already throbbing core. you slipped a finger inside your pussy, not feeling content, you added another one. slowly pumping your fingers in and out of you, imagining his hands on you instead. groaning, it wasn’t enough; you needed more. pulling your fingers out from your shorts, and wiping them on the outside before marching over to wonwoo’s room.
wonwoo was practically in the same position you left him in. you walked near him but stopped when you were nearing his camera; you dropped to your knees, on all fours, and crawled under his desk. he was too focused on his game even to notice you were there. kneeling in front of him, you tapped his thigh with your hand, which made him jump and look down. you had a desperate look in your eyes, licking your lips. he smirked, he knew you like the back of his hand. he slid his chair closer to you before returning his gaze to his screen, your heart pounding from your chest as you pulled his boxers down enough to reveal his growing cock. he wasn’t that hard, which made you pout.
you grab hold of wonwoo’s cock, thumb sliding over the slit of his head while sliding your hand up and down. if he wasn’t hard before, he surely was now. his now perked-up cock was turning red from your touch. your mouth watered at his big cock pulsating. satisfied, you let go before grabbing the waistband of his boxers; he lightly lifted his lips as you pulled them down to his ankles.
“jesus.” you heard him grunt as you took his cock in your hand, darting your tongue out to his head. amused at his reaction, leaning down, you took your tongue out, licking the base of his cock all the way up to the head. he let out a groan, “i kicked the wall by accident.” he muttered against his mic, glancing at his chat to make sure no one could suspect what your naughty ass was up to. when he was in the clear, he glanced at you, pretending to reach for his foot, but he placed his hand on your cheek, caressing it softly. you leaned into his touch before you engulfed his cock in your mouth. tongue swirling around the base, moaning around his cock (thanking the heavens that he had noise cancellation on his mic). slowly pushing further down his length, lightly gagging when you felt the tip hit the back of your throat. you wrapped your fingers around the areas your mouth couldn’t reach. you continued to suck him off, hollowing your cheeks as you moved. tears brimming your eyes as you bobbed your head up and down.
wonwoo couldn’t focus on his game any longer, hearing his teammates curse at him for being shit, but he couldn’t care less, not when he had his hot girlfriend choking on his dick. so the minute his game ended (in which they lost) he clicked the “stream ending soon.” prompt displayed on his screen, and he muted his mic before gathering your hair with his hand, his other hand placing his headphones on his desk. his chat going crazy as to why he suddenly ended the stream.
“you’re such a naughty little slut, you know that?” wonwoo grunted, throwing his head back against his chair before guiding your head on his cock. you placed your hands flat against his thighs as he continued to thrust his cock in your mouth. his hips bucking upwards to bury his cock deeper into you. “needy princess couldn’t even wait for me to finish work, hm? you just want everyone to know what a dirty slut you are, don’t you, baby.” you looked at him through your lashes, he sighed at the sight of his cock deep in your mouth. “get up.” he let go of your hair, you unlatched yourself from his cock, a string of saliva forming.
wonwoo guided you onto his lap, your legs on either side of his thighs. his hand resting on your cheek before attaching his lips to yours. his lips were rough on yours as if he had been waiting to taste you all day. his tongue forcing its way into your mouth, making you moan. your hand flying to his hair, lightly gripping it.
“take these off.” pulling away from your lips, tugging at your shorts. you stood up before him, gripping your shorts before pulling them down. he leaned against his chair with his arms behind his head, shamelessly checking you out. “god, you’re so beautiful. take off your top for me, baby.” he gripped the hem of your shirt before pulling it off your body, he threw the shirt on his desk, hitting his mic, unknowingly causing it to unmute. he reached behind you to quickly press end stream, noticing his mic light was on. he glanced at his discord, seeing mingyu and seungcheol were still on the call. he decided to have fun. “come here, baby.” he gestured for you to climb on his lap, which you did immediately. making mingyu and seungcheol’s ears perk up on the other line.
“you’re wearing too much clothes.” you whined, gripping his hoodie, which he chuckled at, before reaching down and discarding the hoodie he had on.
“better?”
“god, yes.” you whimpered, fingers tracing his toned chest. you leaned forward, placing your lips on his neck, peppering him with soft kisses, and occasionally sucking on the spots you know he loves. you felt his hands rest on your ass, squeezing it, prompting you to grind your hips on his. your wetness transferring to his dick, a smirk forming on his face when he felt it.
“we barely even started, and you’re already dripping for me, princess.” wonwoo grabbed one of your breasts, placing his mouth near it. “what am i going to do with you?”
“please.” arching your back which made his mouth graze against your tits, you nearly cried at the contact. he hummed in amusement before swallowing your nipple with his mouth. you threw your head back, gripping his shoulders. he circled his tongue around the bud before pulling away and doing the same on your other boob. “wonwoo, please just fuck me already. been wanting you all night.” you begged.
“my poor girl, have you been waiting long?” he asked, to which you nodded. he lifted your hips before aligning his cock at your entrance, rubbing his tip along your folds, making you shiver. without warning, he gripped your body to sink down onto his cock, which made you yelp.
“oh god, your dick is so big!” you cried out, unaware that there were two people listening in on you.
mingyu groaned as he imagined you bouncing on his cock. it felt so wrong, but it was driving him insane. seungcheol, on the other hand, shamelessly already had his shorts down and his cock out, stroking it at every sound you made.
“fuck, how are you so tight every time?” wonwoo growled as you bounced on his cock. his hands lazily guided you, but you were too high on his cock that you were doing it all on your own. he watched as your boobs bounced along with your movement. the sound of skin slapping echoed throughout the room, beads of sweat forming on your forehead as you continued riding his cock. “look at you, you love fucking yourself on my cock, huh?” nodding at his words as you were too lightheaded to speak. your stomach forming knots as he talked you through it. you loved it when he talked dirty with you, his deep voice mumbling the words you wanted to hear driving you completely insane.
“love–” nails digging into his shoulder, “your cock inside me.” you gasped out. his grip on your hip tightened, holding you in place as he thrusts his hips instead. you cursed out his name as the tip of his cock kissed your cervix with every pound. your head falling on his shoulder, you planted sloppy kisses on his skin. he let out groans, breathing out as he felt your lips on him. “w-woo, i can’t.” closing your eyes, he quickened his pace.
“take my cock like the slut you are.” you clenched around him, as he repeatedly rammed into you. you pulled away from his neck and stared into his eyes. his eyes were dark, brows furrowed as he brought you over the edge.
“fuck, baby. i’m gonna cum.” you moaned as your hips met his.
“cum with me, princess.” with a few more thrusts, your orgasm came crashing down. your knees feeling weak as you felt wonwoo’s cum paint your walls white. your body gave up, curling up to his sweaty chest. trying to catch each other’s breaths.
“i love you.” mumbling against his chest.
“i love you, too, baby.” you felt wonwoo swivel his gaming chair around, speaking into his mic. “enjoyed the show, boys?” your eyes widened, pulling away from his chest. he grabbed the headphones to place them near your ears.
“jesus christ, didn’t know you guys were kinky as shit.” mingyu spoke out, your cheeks flushing.
“that was hot as fuck.” seungcheol admitted, his dick limp from jerking off. you slapped wonwoo’s chest, which he only laughed at. secretly finding it hot that they were listening in the entire time.
“keep it to your imagination. remember, she’s mine.” wonwoo sheepishly smiled at you before kissing you softly.
“w boyfriend.” you giggled against his lips.
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pitchsidestories · 22 days ago
Text
What is this feeling ? (1) II Alexia Putellas x Reader
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romantic masterlist | platonic masterlist | word count: 1875
summary: Alexia tells herself you're to young for her, but her heart wants you.
author's note: hi everyone, enjoy the anticipated oneshot.💌
⏩ Part 2
You knew it from the look on her face. You knew before she even made a sound. You knew what was coming and you still were unprepared.
It felt like time had stopped, like you and her could only existed in this small dressing room.
“Listen…”, she said calmly.
In contrast to you, she didn’t seem nervous at all. Her face was unreadable and stern, like it usually was when she was out on the pitch with the captain’s armband on.
You bit your lip, bracing yourself.
“I know what you’re going to say.”
Alexia didn’t miss a beat: “This won’t work.”
It took a lot from you to not let out a frustrated sigh.
“It’s the age gap, isn’t it?”
“I’m too old for you.”, Alexia confirmed, her face unmoved.
The room began to feel too tight suddenly.
You shook your head firmly, trying to shake the shock off: “No, that’s not true.”
“You’re too young. Better?”
It all felt like she was trying to make excuses. You were 22 and she was about to turn 31. Nine years weren’t that much. And you were both consenting adults.
The fact that Alexia didn't seem to see this filled you with frustration.
“I don’t care about the years between us.”, you said passionately, maybe also stubbornly.
The older player shook her head like there was no convincing her: “But I do.”
You frowned at her: “That’s your head, not your heart speaking.”
“It doesn’t really matter, does it?”, she replied cooly.
“It does matter.”
“Y/n.”
Your name out of her mouth made you stall for a moment.
“Yes?”
“Don’t do that.”, she said plainly.
You cocked your head in confusion: “Do what?”
“Look at me like that.”
Finally, her voice softened.
“I look at you like I want to.”, you retorted.
Alexia rolled her eyes: “You’re a child.”
“Wrong, I’m an adult like you.”
“You just turned 22.”
You crossed your arms in front of your chest. She already thought you were a child so you didn’t care if you looked like one too. “Still.”
“You’ll never stop until you get what you wanted, huh?”, Alexia asked with raised eyebrows.
“Right. I had the best teacher for that.”, you retaliated.
“Oh, you did?”
“Yes, I learned that from you.”
“I know that you meant me.”, Alexia said, rolling her eyes for a second time.
“But you already gave up so I should leave.”
You took one step towards the door, trying to pass her.
“You’re leaving?”
“Isn’t that what you want?”, you asked, lifting your head to directly look into her eyes.
Alexia was left speechless: “I…”
“Tell me what you want, Alexia.”, you demanded.
She looked away, shaking her head: “I don’t know what I want.”
“That’s a lie.”
Memories flooded to the surface, back to the moment when everything seemed possible, and the age difference still seemed unimportant. It all started at your birthday party, which you celebrated with your teammates. Every longer look and touch made both your hearts beat faster.
“No, Cata, there’s no way I’m doing that.”, you shook your head determined.
The young women and you were going all out tonight, and the alcohol made you all a bit reckless except for your team captain. She gazed at you with growing concern.
The goalkeeper grinned: “Do it.”
“Fine.”, you sighed.
Ona watched you in disbelief: “I can’t believe she’s really doing it.”
If there was a test of courage, you wanted to pass it no matter what. Whether on or off the pitch, you were known for being brave and sometimes even reckless.
“Look at Ale’s face.”, Cata chuckled, amused by the stern expression on the older midfielder's face.
Smirking, Jana remarked:” Absolutely priceless.”
“What are you doing?” Alexia's worried voice interrupted the adrenaline rush that had been triggered in you by the task.
“I...”, when you saw the worry lines on her forehead, you bit your lip guiltily. Under her watchful eyes, you suddenly felt very stupid and childish.
She growled:” Don’t ever do that again.”
“It was just a test of courage.”, you tried to play down the whole thing.
The blonde crossed both arms in front of her chest as she warned:” Keep me out of this."
“Can I get you a drink?”, you asked, changing the topic to something more light-hearted with a charming smile on your lips.
“No, are you even allowed to order yet?”, Alexia lifted an eyebrow.
You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at her question: “We’re celebrating my 22nd birthday.”
“It was a joke.”, she revealed, and a shy grin lit up her face.
You returned her smile: “You’re really bad at jokes, captain.”
“I know.”, the midfielder admitted, nervously running a hand through her unbound hair.
Once you realised how nervous she was around you, it put you in a flirtatious mood: “But you look adorable while making them.”
The older woman’s cheeks flushed instantly. “Shut up.”, Alexia hissed, pretending not to be touched by your flattering words.
The blonde could deceive herself, but not you.
“Or what..?”, you boldly  answered her with a counter question.
The midfielder explained; her intense gaze gave the feeling that you were the only two people in the room, even though it was quite full: “You better not test your limits.”
On the other side of the room, the rest of your teammates had followed your conversation from a safe distance.
 “Oh, she’s overdoing it, girls.”, Salma observed anxiously.
Ona cleared her throat and declared fearlessly: “I’ll go and save her.”
You felt Onas presence next to you before you saw her. “Ona?”
“Hey, you can’t stay here all night.”, your teammate said, nodding towards the rest of your friends standing on the other side of the bar.
Alexia replied before you could: “I told her but she’s not listening.”
Her voice was flat, one note like she was bored by you.
Ona forced a light laugh: “Oh, you know her.”
You had enough of this talk. You wanted to get back to your friends and far away from Alexia.
“Yes, let’s go.”, you agreed with Ona.
“Please.”, the defender said, clearly relieved that you didn’t need any more persuasion.
You casually slid of the barstool next to Alexia but your heel got caught on the footrest and for a split second you lost your balance.
Alexias hands were on your body within the blink of an eye, one stabilising your waist and the other holding your hand.
“I’ll help you down.”, she announced but didn’t move.
You blinked at her, too stunned by the situation to realise that you were silently staring at each other instead of doing anything else.
Alexia finally took a step back, leading you down from your seat like a princess.
You pressed your lips together in the closest thing to a smile that you could manage: “Thanks.”
“You’re… welcome.”
Her words came out on two different breaths and she finally let go of you.
Cata wrapped on arm around your shoulder and dragged you away from Alexia: “Let the party continue.”
“Yes, time to party.”, you smiled through the memory of Alexias touch and her lips being too close to your own.
Salma grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the dance floor: “Come on then, no more waiting!”
Grateful for the distraction, you followed and moved your body to the rhythm of the music until a distinctive guitar sound resounded.
You paused with your eyes wide but as soon as you heard Taylors voice sing the lyrics to “22”, you let out a sigh.
“Who put on Taylor Swift?”, you yelled over the music.
“Me! Fitting, no?”, Mapi answered, beaming at you.
You didn’t have the heart to tell her that it was horribly cliché so you shrugged: “Kind of.”
“Ingrid, I told you she’ll love it.”, Mapi said to her girlfriend. You were suddenly reminded of a golden retriever.
Ingrid nodded patiently: “You were right.”
“The only ones enjoying it even more are Lucy and Ona.”
You followed Mapis gaze towards your two teammates who were going all out on the dance floor and looking at each other like they were alone at this party.
In that moment you made a decision. You left the dance floor and went back to Alexia, who was still nursing her drink.
“Dance with me, Ale.”
The older woman raised the hands in defence: “I don’t dance.”
You asked her nonchalantly: “Why not?”
“I just don’t.”, Alexia tried to shrug it off until she noticed your disappointed look.
“Oh, okay.”, you nodded sadly.
The blonde couldn't bear to see you so sad on your birthday, so she gave in with a sigh:” Fine. One dance.”
“Wait, you’re serious?”, you lifted your chin in surprise. The look in her hazel eyes told you that your team captain really meant it. Undoubtedly.
“Yes, it’s your birthday after all.”, Alexia confirmed.
Her serious tone made you shiver in the otherwise hot room.
“Alright.”, you agreed, hoping she didn’t hear the slight nervousness in your voice.
Before it started, the DJ switched from a fast song to a slow one, which brought each couple on the dance floor closer to their partner.
“Oh, no.”, the midfielder muttered under her breath.
As you took the lead in your dance, you assured her: “Don’t worry, it’s fine.”
Underneath your guidance, you could feel her heartbeat relax.
“Not too bad.”, Alexia admitted quietly.
At that exact moment, you had the feeling that the two of you were the only ones dancing.
With a smirk on your lips, you observed: “You like it.”
“I..”, she began anxiously and broke off, unable to translate the turmoil inside her into a coherent sentence.
You noticed her struggle and kindly interrupted the older woman:” You don’t have to say anything more.”
“Okay.”
The song had already been over for a few seconds, but Alexia was still holding you tightly in her arms.
Nobody apart from you and her best friend saw it.
Comradely, Mapi poked her captain's side, once she sat down next to her:” You’ve a crush on her.”
“I don’t.”, Alexia laughed.
The defender smiled at her: ”Sure, Ale.”
“That’s ridiculous.”, she huffed.
With a wise undertone, the younger woman responded: “It’s what it’s.”
“You can’t say that about everything.”, Alexia shook her head amusedly.
Mapi grinned at her counterpart: “Why not?”
“It’s not always what it’s.”, the midfielder explained earnestly, feeling like she was talking to a child rather than a grown-up woman.
Her good friend's belief in love was simply unshakeable. That's why the younger player's response didn't surprise Alexia at all, it was full of hope, something she thought she had lost when it came to love:” Maybe it’s more a question of what could be between you two?”
What was the feeling that arose in the midfielder when she looked at you?  Attraction, yes, but maybe deep down it was something more, something that terrified her. Loving family, friends and team-mates was one thing, but loving a person with all her heart was a brave step in her eyes. Was Alexia ready to open herself up to that? But what about the age difference between you?
So many questions which wanted to be answered.
gif source: https://www.tumblr.com/okboomer17/754477277102931968/alexia-labor-omnia-vincit-2022?source=share
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covenofagatha · 8 days ago
Text
Do I wanna know? (Part 1)
Sequel to But you're my stepmom!
Picks up a few months later after your dad and Agatha get divorced and you've started college
Word count: 3.8k
Warnings: fingering, mommy kink, slight angst
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Fuck. You do not want to do this. 
It’s a Saturday night and you’re here. You should’ve said you had anywhere else to be, but instead, your car almost gets hit as you turn the corner in possibly the narrowest parking garage you’ve ever been in. It makes you swear and you stomp on the brakes so quickly you think you might have a bruise from the seatbelt. 
But luckily, you find a spot on the first floor and squeeze between two other cars, muttering a silent prayer that you don’t scrape against them.
You wipe your sweaty palms on your jeans as you get out and walk into the lobby of the apartment complex. 
It’s nice, although you hate to admit it. You would surely not mind spending more time here if it didn’t mean having to see—
“Hey, sweet pea!” 
Him. You look to your right and plaster on a fake smile when you see your father standing there, slipping his phone into his pocket. 
“Hey,” you say softly, awkwardly patting his back with a hand as he embraces you. 
He had been asking to get dinner with you at least once a week for the past few months since he and Agatha got divorced. You’ve always found an excuse to get out of it — you had homework, you had exams, you had to work over the summer and you were so tired — but now that it’s your first weekend in college and he knows that you don’t have anything going on, he insisted. 
Plus your mom had sort of asked for you to go at least once. Your dad has been sending you updates about his apartment search and random internet posts that he found funny, and having lived at home all summer, you’ve kept your mom in the loop. She is still obsessed with him, always finding ways to bring him up in conversation, and you wish you were brave enough to tell her to just move on. She was absolutely ecstatic when you broke the news about him and Agatha and she’s been pressing you for updates ever since. 
Part of the reason she wanted you to go see him was to scope out his new place and see if there was any sign of a new woman. There was still no sign about the lady he was having an affair with, so you weren’t sure if things had ended. 
And when he moved out the first time, he took your mom’s can opener and she still won’t let it go. Before you left, she texted you that if you saw it, you should steal it back. 
After the divorce went through, your dad had decided to sell the house and look for an apartment a little closer to his work, and he’s lived in this place for about a month now. 
“How are you? How’s it going?” he asks as he leads you to the elevator. He presses his fob to the button inside and then floor six. You remember him being so consumed with having one of the top floors, like that would make him seem more important. 
You shrug and pick at the peeling skin on your fingers. It’s a bad habit — one of your many. “Pretty good. Syllabus week has been a breeze. Made some new friends.”
“Classes seem like they’ll be fun?” he asks. 
“Yeah, I hope so.” 
And then a tense silence falls over the both of you. You haven’t actually seen him since your graduation, which was a whole other level of awkward with your mom there too, and you both know that the two affairs and two divorces has put a strain on your relationship.
It does hurt a little. You wish there was a way you could reach over the cold gap between you and go back to how things were when you were a kid, when you actually liked being around him. 
But too much has happened. 
“Well, I’m really glad you were able to come down for dinner,” he says and you smile tightly. “I can’t wait to show you the place and then we can get whatever you want to eat.” 
The elevator dings and you follow him to an apartment a few doors down and he unlocks the door and lets you go first. 
The floors are a laminate gray, the counters in the kitchen marble white with black pendant lights over the peninsula. The refrigerator is stainless steel and there’s a completely stocked wine cooler fridge built into the cabinets next to the stove. You walk past the kitchen into the living room where the couches from his and Agatha’s house are set up around an entertainment center with a fireplace and a blue rug under the coffee table. 
“What do you think?” he asks, stepping next to you and putting an arm around your shoulders to bring you in close to him. 
You take his fancy bachelor pad in again. “Yeah, it’s pretty nice. Maybe just pizza for dinner? We can order and watch a show or something?”
Staying in and having the television as a buffer is a much better plan than going out and having to make small talk that will end up with him on his phone anyway. He agrees and calls to order the pizza while you perch on the couch and scroll on your phone. You already have a text from your mom telling you to call her when you’re done and your chest tightens at the thought of all the shit she’s going to say. It’s fucking exhausting still being in the middle of this — you really thought it would get better, especially now that you’re in college. And yet, here you are. 
“So…” your dad starts, plopping down next to you with a groan once he gets off the phone. He grabs the remote and turns the TV on. “You like your roommate?”
Your roommate, Alice Wu, is a sweet girl from out-of-state. You think that you and her will get along just fine and you’ve already agreed on all the rules of cleaning and having friends over. The first week has gone well and you’ve gotten close. “She’s cool. I think she and I will be good friends.” 
He nods and turns on a show you watched awhile and the two of you sit in awkward silence until the pizza guy rings from downstairs. You excuse yourself to the bathroom after your dad rings him in. 
The bathroom is through the bedroom and you take careful note of the sheets still strewn all over the bed and the two pillows at the top. One nightstand is cluttered with a phone charger, earplugs, a lamp, and a picture of you on your graduation day in a silver frame. It tugs at your heart and you instantly look away, not wanting to feel any more nostalgia. 
However, on the other nightstand, there’s just a matching lamp. No hair tie, no other chargers or personal belongings. 
But that stuff is easily hidden, so you go into the bathroom. One toothbrush, one retainer case, one razor. You can’t tell if you’re disappointed or glad. 
At least you won’t have to listen to your mom talk endlessly about a new woman. 
Your dad already has a plate with two slices on it for you sitting in your spot on the couch and you dig into it, suddenly famished. The atmosphere does warm up over time, and it’s no longer uncomfortable silence and you do end up talking a bit about his work and more about your school while the TV plays.
He doesn’t bring up your mom or Agatha at all, and neither do you. In a way, it’s nice to be removed from them for a few hours. Your dad has been villainized by both of them — and obviously he fucked up — but he is still your dad, despite your complicated feelings toward him. 
After a few episodes of the show, you shift to get up, grabbing your plate. “You’re leaving already?” he asks and checks his watch.
“Yeah, it’s getting late and I should really be getting back to the dorms,” you say, trying to sound apologetic. Even if the bubble has been nice, you have somewhere you need to be. 
It’s hard for your dad to hide his disappointment, but he gets it and grabs his keys to walk you down to your car. 
“How’s, uh, how’s your mom doing?” he asks. Still putting me in the middle of all the imaginary drama she’s creating with you is what you want to say. But you know that he’ll call her out for it and you’d have to deal. 
“She’s pretty good. Work’s been keeping her busy.” A safe answer. A true answer. 
“Good,” he says and shoves his hands into his pockets and you know what’s coming next. “And Agatha? Have you seen her at all?” 
Imagines of her hot body on yours flash through your mind. Her rosy nipples, her pale stomach, the heat that swallows up her eyes. “Yeah, I’ve seen her around. She’s doing all right, too, I think.”
Your dad nods and stops at your car. “Well, I had a great time with you,” he says and holds his arms out for a hug. You mutter something in agreement and give him an embrace with two pats — the way you’ve done it since you were a kid. “Let’s do it again soon.”
He tells you that he loves you and after you say it back, you get into your car and he watches you as you drive away. 
Begrudgingly, you call your mom and put her on speaker and not even a second later, her voice fills your car. 
“How was it? Did you see anything? Is there another woman? Did you find my can opener?” she asks all in one breath and you take a silent, deep breath. 
You can’t wait to be home. “It was a pretty nice place actually.” Your mom snorts. “There wasn’t any sign of someone else there and I didn���t have time to look around. We just watched a show and ate pizza.” 
She makes a sound. “Wow, father of the year. Maybe he cleaned up the place before you came over.” You hum noncommittally. “What are you doing tomorrow? Want to come over? I’ll take you grocery shopping.” 
“Yeah, let me just check my schedule. Alice and I might be doing something, but I’d love to go there for a bit. Especially for groceries,” you tease and she laughs. 
“I bet your father didn’t even offer to do that,” she says smugly and your face falls. Sometimes you wonder if she does half the things that she does for you just to one-up him. 
“Okay, well I’m almost back now, so I’ll let you know when I’m coming over tomorrow,” you tell her, eager to wrap it up, and about to turn in. “Love you.” You hang up before she’s even done saying it back. 
Once you park, you text your roommate saying that you won’t be back for the night — staying with family — and walk up to the apartment side door, letting yourself in with the fob on your key ring. 
Agatha’s apartment complex is smaller than your dad’s, but just as nice, and you prefer it a lot more. 
After the divorce, she stayed in a hotel for about a week before signing a lease on a place about ten minutes away from where the house used to be. You had helped her pick out the furniture and spent more time here than at your mom’s house the last couple months of school and she gave you a key to it the day she moved in. 
It got harder over the summer to hang out with her, as you worked at an ice cream shop in the afternoons into the evenings and she was working her normal nine to five, but you made it work. 
Things are really good between the two of you. There isn’t exactly a label on it, per se, but you both know that it’s a relationship. And without your dad in the picture and with her not being your stepmom anymore, there isn’t as much of a need to keep sneaking around — so when she puts an arm around you while you’re walking down the street and kisses your cheek when you say something cute and ghosts her pinky against yours, it’s okay. 
You know things might change a little with you in college now, but you’re ready for it. And if you spend more nights at her place than at your dorm, so be it. It’s not like anyone’s going to know, and Alice will just think you’re staying with family. 
Unlocking the door, you can practically feel the tension seeping away from your body. Agatha makes everything feel better. Even the house you grew up in, the one your mom still lives in, doesn’t feel as home as this does. 
You don’t see her when you first walk in and you walk into the living room to see her typing something on her computer, brows furrowed, and you can just make out the glint of a document through the reflection of her glasses. 
“Hey, you,” you greet, kicking off your shoes. She startles and looks up before slamming her laptop shut and smiling. 
“Hey, honey,” she says and pats the spot next to her while she leans forward to place her computer on the coffee table. “How was it?” 
Agatha had emphatically listened to your incessant complaining about having to get dinner with your dad, but in the end she had also pushed you to go. You groan and flop onto the couch, situating yourself so that your head is in her lap and you’re looking up at her. “It wasn’t that bad,” you admit and she smirks. “Don’t even think about saying ‘I told you so’. I will leave.” 
She tosses her head back with a laugh and you play with the strands of hair that’s falling over her shoulder and teasing your face. “I would never, darling. But I’m glad it wasn’t bad. How is he?” 
Your nose wrinkles. “Can we not talk about my dad? Although, I was just thinking about how much of a reward I deserve for going.” 
“Oh, you think you deserve a reward, do you?” she ribs lightly, raising an eyebrow and poking you in the stomach. You giggle and twist away from her finger before sticking out your bottom lip as pitiful as you can and giving her doe eyes, nodding your head. She rolls her eyes fondly. “What were you thinking, honey?” 
You shrug like you’re just now beginning to think about it. “Well, mommy,” you say, a thrill running through you at her sharp gasp. “I think since I was such a good girl, you should give me an orgasm.” 
“Oh, just one?” she asks playfully, and you surge up out of her lap, turn over onto your knees to face her, and pull her in for a kiss. Your lips move against each other with familiar ease, her tongue licking hotly into your mouth and you moan — her hands slide up under your shirt and rest on your bare skin before you reach down and take it off. 
“As many as you’ll give me, mommy,” you pant, and she grins before starting to suck open-mouthed bites onto your chest. You’re wearing green lingerie but she barely even looks at it before unclasping your bra from behind and tearing it off, throwing it somewhere on the floor. 
She swirls her tongue around your nipple before suckling hard and you whimper, holding her head right against you. It feels like there’s a wire running straight from your boob to your cunt and you quickly feel yourself becoming soaked. Agatha switches to the other one and soon your entire chest is sticky with her saliva and you’ve moved onto her lap, squirming. 
Her teeth nip at the underside of your breasts and you can’t take it anymore. “Mommy, please,” you beg, grabbing her hand and leading it to the waistband of your jeans. Her fingers rest there while you quickly unbutton and unzip and then you shove her into your pants, your hand circled around her wrist to just feel her. 
Agatha chuckles throatily and moves her fingers experimentally against you while you try to grind down for some stimulation. You suddenly feel so empty, a molten heat between your legs, and Agatha crashes her lips back onto yours. She sucks on your tongue and tugs on your bottom lip as she finally presses against your clit and your hips jerk. “So wet for mommy, aren’t you?” she huffs and you nod and try to move against her harder. 
When she finally pushes your underwear to the side and runs her fingers through your folds, you keen and bury a hand into her hair, face dropping down into her neck. She sharply gasps when you start breathing heavily against her skin, content to just keep your lips planted against her throat. 
She slides a finger into you and your walls clench around her, trying to draw her even more in. Each time she fucks you, it feels like the first time — the same energy is there, the same electricity. But at the same time, she knows exactly what you need, maybe even more than you do. 
Her thrusts begin to pick up and heat is rising through your body and you can see little indents in Agatha’s skin from where your teeth have slightly sunk in. 
“Mommy, mommy — please, I need more,” you whine and she obliges by pushing another finger into you and curling them just right. A high-pitched sound leaves your mouth and you start riding her fingers the best you can, rolling your hips to match her and get her even deeper. You’re clenching furiously around her as sparks begin to fly in your lower stomach and you can feel the beginning tendrils of your orgasm start to build. 
Agatha’s thumb circles around your clit without actually touching it. “God, sweetheart, you look so hot right now, taking my fingers like such a good girl. You feel so good, too. Never wanna leave you,” she babbles, making you convulse even tighter. There’s a slight pink tint to her cheeks and her breathing has picked up and you know she’s affected too. Her fingers are moving faster and she pauses for just a moment, making you whimper, before she stretches you out with a third. 
“Oh, fuck,” you swear, your walls adjusting, and the slight burn only adds to the immense pleasure you’re feeling. “Fuck, fuck.” Your head is spinning, completely drunk with her and her perfume that’s been invading your nostrils the whole time, and you can’t even form a single thought. 
She presses harder on your clit and with the hand that’s not currently inside you, grips your hair and pulls you away from her neck. You can see red blotches staining her skin and the thought of her wearing your marks around gets you even closer. “Look at me,” she grunts, her thrusts becoming more sporadic and you stare right into her dark blue eyes with your pleading wide ones. Your breaths intermix and she looks like she might also cum just from this. 
Agatha lets out a strangled gasp when her gaze flickers from your eyes to your swollen lips to your breasts that are bouncing with your movements in her lap. 
“Mommy, I need — right there —” You can’t even string together a coherent thought and she scissors her fingers inside you, the pressure making you see stars. 
She looks you up and down again, drinking you in like she might never get enough, and her chest heaves with each breath she takes. “Fuck, baby, you’re so perfect,” she groans and your head falls back as you keep riding her. “I need you to cum for me, okay? Cum for mommy.” 
“Mommy, fuck, I’m gonna — fuck I love you,” you groan, not even realizing the words slipping out of your mouth, the words neither of you have ever said before, before it’s too late and your orgasm explodes through your body in a way it never has before. You feel it in every crack and crevice inside you and she keeps fucking you just as hard while rubbing your clit and it quickly becomes too much, tears springing into your eyes. 
Agatha’s fingers finally slow down and she coos sweet nothings in your ear and you wonder if she even heard you. It’s been a few months since you’ve been together, but neither of you has really acknowledged the depth between you. 
And you just did, in the middle of sex. 
“You okay?” she murmurs, pressing a kiss to your cheek and you nod before she pulls out of you and you wince at the sudden emptiness. You fall back out of her lap onto the couch. She must not have heard it. 
There’s a slight gnawing feeling that begins to grow in your stomach — if you said it for real, in a moment that couldn’t just be blamed on a dopamine rush, would she say it back? 
Does she feel the same? 
Agatha kisses you before sticking her three fingers into your mouth so you can clean them up. “Good girl,” she purrs in a low voice. “Was that a good enough reward?” 
You’re still a little out of it, but you nod dazedly. “Yeah,” you say softly and she gets off the couch and walks over to the fridge to get you a glass of water. “My mom wants me to go hang out with her tomorrow. What are you doing at night? Can I come over after?” 
She pauses for a fraction of a second and then glances at you over her shoulder. “Um, sorry, baby. I have to work all day tomorrow. Some last minute things I’ve got to get done.” 
You hum, a little disappointed, but graciously accept the water. “No worries. Maybe Monday or something.” 
“Yeah, of course. Just a second, I need to go grab something,” she murmurs and then walks into her bedroom. You’re exhausted and you get off the couch, stretching your aching muscles, and you’re about to follow her when her phone buzzes on the end table. 
Thinking it’s just a work email or something, you glance at it and your stomach drops, heart lurches. 
It’s a text message from an unknown number. 
Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. 
@lostbutlovely33 @diorrxckstar @whoreforolderfictionalwomen  @katekathry @onemansdreamisanothermansdeath @tayasmellsapples @natashashill @mybraininblood @mysticalmoonlight7  @cactuslover2600 @loveem0mo @readysteddiero-nance @lonelyhalfwitch @lesbiantortilla @crescendoofstars @sol-in-wonderland @ahsfan05 @gbab09 @sasheemo @agathaharness @live-laugh-love-lupone @chiar4anna @fuckedupforkhahn @lowlyjelly @sweetmidnights
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moonstruckme · 25 days ago
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omg as a diabetic i've not really seen many fics about this but your fic was lovely!!! what about a diabetic read with the marauders )any ship or person) where they had a slightly nasty argument and she's not feeling well (sugar levels or whatever u decide) and she doesn't tell them because of the fight and comfort with sprinkles of angst ensue? it was just a thought, if you're up for it! <3
Thank you lovely <3
cw: reader has diabetes, dizziness/lightheadedness, brief mention of blood, for anyone unfamiliar with diabetes the “meter” here refers to a blood glucose meter which reports blood sugar levels
poly!wolfstar x fem!reader ♡ 1.7k words
You seem to have inadvertently laid claim to the sitting room. Sirius stalked off into the kitchen and hasn’t come back, and Remus is down the hall avoiding the pair of you, as he’s taken to doing whenever you and Sirius argue. He might come talk sense into you if it were really serious, but Remus has had his own share of domestic squabbles with both of you; he leaves you to sort this one out by yourselves. 
A few minutes ago, through the smog of your anger, you recognized a feeling of wrongness. The timing is uncanny. Sirius had only just gone into the kitchen when you realized you needed to be there yourself. Now, even if you could brave the iciness of your boyfriend’s rancor, you don’t think you could stand to get what you need in front of him. 
The second you reach for one of your glucose-boosting shakes, Sirius will know your blood sugar is low, and then you’ll be a victim to him. 
Or not a victim, necessarily, but someone in need of care. Someone he has to look after, and who he can’t be angry at, and that’s not fair to him. Even if you do want to stop fighting, you don’t want to win that way. 
But a few more minutes of doing nothing and you aren’t sure you’ll be able to stand properly from this couch. 
Remus peeks into the living room. Finding only you, he comes over.
“Okay?” he asks quietly, sitting beside you. He means your argument; Remus is perceptive, but he’s not that good. 
“Yeah.” You loose a breath. “He’s so stubborn.” 
“So are you,” he says, not without fondness. 
“But I’m right.” 
Remus hums and kisses the side of your head. You try not to melt too obviously; your head is starting to ache from the drop in blood sugar, and you really are beginning to feel somewhat pitiful. “If I tell you something,” he murmurs, “you have to keep it a secret.” 
You look at him, intrigued. “What?” 
Remus’ lips give a slight tug. “I agree with you.” 
You grin, smug and extremely vindicated. Remus holds up a hand. 
“But,” he goes on, “I think you should apologize to him.” 
Just like that, your smile dissipates. Your headache feels like it’s getting worse. “Why?” 
The look Remus gives you is kind, but tinged with bemusement. “You were harsh with him, sweetheart. I understand being upset, but you didn’t need to lay into him the way you did. It was only a small thing.” He lowers his voice. “I think he might not have dug his heels in quite so deeply if you’d only asked him nicely.” 
You frown, guilt and irritation warring within you. “He’s always stubborn. It doesn’t matter what I say.” 
“It matters,” says Remus. “Listen, I can’t know for sure, but I think if you apologized to him, he’d apologize back. And maybe then you could find an agreement about the whole thing.” 
You sigh, letting your weight sag into Remus’ side. Your hands are starting to tremble in your lap. “I’d rather just tell him you think I’m right,” you say. 
You hear the smile in Remus’ voice as he kisses your head again. “I know.” 
You manage to stand without teetering. Remus waits in the sitting room while you go to the kitchen, where you find your boyfriend eating frosting broodily out of a tin. He spares you hardly a glance as you come in, sucking his spoon clean. 
“I didn’t mean to be harsh,” you say softly. 
Sirius scoffs. “Didn’t stop you.” 
“I didn’t realize I was being so harsh,” you amend. Even as you do, it’s hard to keep the bite from your tone. You know that you’re particularly irritable when your blood sugar is low; however, knowing that doesn’t actually make you feel any less irritated. “I’m sorry.” 
Sirius shakes his head. He’s still looking at the cabinets rather than at you. “Just because I don’t do things the way you want me to doesn’t make me completely incompetent.”
This apology might take longer than you bargained for. You set a hand on the counter as a wave of dizziness passes over you. Maybe you can drink your shake while apologizing? But Sirius is standing between you and the fridge. 
“I wasn’t trying to call you incompetent,” you say through the fog that’s descending over your consciousness. 
“That’s sure what it sounded like,” Sirius bites out. 
“Well, I don’t think you are. I just…I think I’m in a mood, and I’m saying things I don’t mean. I’m sorry.” 
It’s a rare enough admittance from you that Sirius looks over. One of his dark brows is half quirked, intrigue palpable. 
“Really?” he asks. 
“Really.” It feels like a weight off your shoulders; you think you physically slump. “I still think I’m right, but I shouldn’t have been so mean. Not,” you add, unable to help yourself, “that you were very nice to me either. But I started it.” 
A corner of Sirius’ mouth kicks up. “You did start it,” he agrees, softening. “I’m sorry, too. For not being very nice.” 
“It’s okay.” You try to smile back at him, eyeing the fridge. “Um, could I…I need the fridge.” 
He laughs, stepping aside. “Awe, that’s my darling girl. She’s feigned an apology because she wanted lunch.” 
“Ha ha,” you reply drolly. 
As you step around him, Sirius palms the back of your neck, pulling you in for a brief kiss. You wish you could appreciate it better. You’re starting to feel rather unsteady, your lips tingling without the warmth. 
“Hey,” he says. 
You open the fridge, pushing condiments aside and reaching towards the back. Sirius sets a hand to your lower back. 
“Baby. You’re sweating.” 
“I’m okay,” you tell him, closing the fridge. You see him register the bottle in your hand, and you try to affect an expression of insouciance as you screw off the cap. “Just a little low.” 
“You’re low? For how long?” Sirius is gripping you with both hands now, one on your waist and the other at your elbow. He seems afraid you’ll keel over; you wish it were a less founded fear. “What’s your blood sugar at?” 
“Not sure,” you admit quietly. Your meter is in here, too, just behind where Sirius is standing. You sip your shake, nearly draining the small bottle. “It doesn’t matter, I’ll be good soon.” 
“Sweetheart.” Sirius’ brows bend, worry and bafflement warring in his expression. “Why didn’t you say?” 
“Because it’s fine.” You shrug, avoiding his eyes. “I didn’t want us to stop fighting just because of that. You were angry with me for valid reasons.” 
“I’m still angry with you,” he says, making you look at him in surprise, “but now for completely different reasons. What were you thinking?”
His raised voice attracts Remus, come now to keep the peace. 
“It wasn’t a big problem,” you try to reassure Sirius. “I had it handled.” 
“Staying away from what you need just because I’m upset is not handling it, baby.” 
“What’s going on?” Remus asks, looking between the two of you bemusedly. It’s not like Sirius to use sweet names when he’s angry, or like you to be so defensive after you’ve agreed to patch things up. “Have you managed to start another row already?” 
“Her blood sugar is low, and she wasn’t going to do anything about it because she thought I was angry with her,” Sirius tells him.
“You were angry with me,” you say. 
Remus looks at you, his eyes skimming you over quickly. “How low?” he asks. 
Sirius crosses his arms. “She doesn’t know.” 
You let out a breath, starting to feel teary. Another argument, on top of your headache and dizziness and the general weariness of your physical form at the moment, is too much. 
“It doesn’t matter,” you say. “I knew I was low, I was already handling it.” 
“Of course it matters, lovely,” Remus replies, disappointment permeating the usual kindness in his tone. 
He finds your meter behind Sirius, opening your small kit and putting in a new test strip before taking out the lancet. You let him prick your finger, throwing your empty shake bottle in the trash. Your meter beeps when it gets the reading. 
“Oh,” Remus sighs. “Alright. That’ll come up now you’ve had your drink.” 
“I know it will,” you mutter. 
“Hey.” Sirius all but traps you in a hug, his arms pushing underneath yours and squeezing you harshly. “Don’t do that. Okay? Please.” 
You feel yourself soften. One of your hands comes up to stroke the ends of his hair where it falls between his shoulder blades. “You don’t need to worry,” you say. 
“Oh, piss off. Try and stop me.” 
“I saw you shaking,” Remus admits, his voice soft. You look at him, surprised, but he meets your guilty expression with a half smile. “I only thought it was because you were upset. It’s an odd thing to keep secret from us, isn’t it?” 
“I wasn’t keeping it a secret.” You tuck your chin into Sirius’ shoulder. He gives your back a couple of firm rubs before pulling away. “I just didn’t want you to feel like…like you needed to look after me.” 
“Too bad,” Sirius says, stubbornly. “We’re going to look after you anyways. Shocked you wouldn’t know that already.” 
Remus smiles, setting a hand to your back and rubbing between your shoulder blades. “He’s right,” he says. “No matter who’s upset, please don’t hide these things from us. It’s important that we know.” 
“Okay,” you mumble, chastised. “Sorry.” 
Sirius raises his eyebrows. “Two apologies in one afternoon. Christ, you really must be feeling poorly.” 
Remus chuckles. “Should we sit for a while? Give you time to come up.” 
“Sure.” That sounds amazing, actually. Even with the glucose working its way into your system, you’re still finding it difficult to stay on your feet. You start back towards the sitting room. “Thanks.” 
“Oh, my poor baby.” Sirius wraps his arms around you from behind, forcing you to take small steps to accommodate him. “You’re still shaking, sweet girl.” 
“This,” you say, “is exactly what I didn’t want.” 
Sirius laughs. He lets you go so you can sit before flopping down beside you, planting a kiss on your cheek. “Maybe next time,” he suggests, “you can be honest with us from the beginning, and I’ll let you be a bit choosier about what reaction you get.”
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steddieas-shegoes · 10 days ago
Text
i don’t know why i can’t take my eyes off of you
for @steddielovemonth day one using You and Me by Lifehouse
rated t | 1186 words | no cw | tags: future fic, second chances, mutual pining, idiots in love, songwriter Eddie, teacher Steve
🛒🛒🛒🛒🛒🛒🛒🛒
Steve’s walking down the frozen section of Melvald’s when time stops.
Not literally. The watch on his wrist is still ticking. The clock on the wall at the front of the store is still moving. People around him are still grabbing their groceries.
But Eddie Munson is standing in front of the ice cream section like he belongs there.
Eddie left Hawkins five years ago.
He kissed Steve on the lips, then the forehead, and left.
Steve’s thought about it, about him, every day since.
Eddie hasn’t noticed him yet. Maybe Steve should leave before he does. Last he’d heard, Eddie was working at a recording studio as a songwriter, halfway making his dreams come true.
He’s happy, or at least that’s what all the kids have said when he’s brought up. They don’t know about the kiss, at least Steve doesn’t think they do. He’s never told them.
It’s busy enough in the store that Steve’s pretty sure he can sneak away before Eddie sees him. He starts to back away, but immediately bumps into an old woman.
“I’m so sorry, are you okay?” He’s asking, and she’s brushing him off and saying she’s fine. He feels terrible.
“Steve?” Eddie’s voice is like music, always has been a melody made specifically for Steve.
“Eddie,” Steve says as the old woman walks away. “Hey.”
Steve forgets he’s in public as the world around him fades and all he sees, smells, wants, is Eddie.
“I didn’t know you were still in Hawkins,” Eddie says quietly, leaning forward on his toes. He’s got a new battle vest, though it looks well-worn. Steve wonders if he knows that his old vest is hanging in his closet, if he knows that Steve pulls it out every once in a while so he can put it on and feel a little less alone.
“Yeah. Never left.” It sounds worse than it is. Steve always said he’d leave when all the kids left, but once they did, he didn’t know where to go. It’s not like he could follow them around, couch-surfing across the country a month or two at a time, burdening them with his self-imposed loneliness.
“You look good,” Eddie says, changing the subject.
Leaving Hawkins was a touchy subject for Steve the last time he’d seen Eddie. It still is. Eddie must sense that.
“So do you,” Steve breathes out. He does. He looks healthy and happy, something Hawkins had completely drained from him before. “What are you doing back?”
“Just visiting Wayne. Usually he comes to see me, but he insisted he didn’t wanna deal with the ‘big city’ this time. And I’m the best nephew, so I said ‘sure, old man, I’ll go back to the town that hates my guts!’ And here I am trying to find my favorite ice cream at the store. They don’t have it,” Eddie shrugs. He rambles when he’s nervous, still. “He hasn’t mentioned seeing you around or anything, though.”
“Yeah, I guess we don’t cross paths much,” Steve laughs awkwardly. He can’t remember the last time he saw Wayne. Must’ve been around Christmas, when Steve was helping Joyce with her decorations while Hopper worked overtime and Wayne stopped by to drop off some lights. “How’s he doing?”
“He’s good. Stubborn as hell. Won’t retire even though he could,” Eddie shakes his head. “Think he’s scared of being bored.”
“Or lonely.”
The words escape Steve before he can hold them back.
Eddie’s face softens, but it’s not full of pity. Everyone always gives Steve this look, like they know he’s putting on a brave face. Not Eddie.
“Wayne’s always been content alone. He’s got friends, and he calls me when he has something new to argue about,” Eddie leans in closer. “I don’t really worry about Wayne. Other people, sure.”
“Like who?” Steve swallows.
“You settle down yet?” Eddie asks in response.
Steve’s so shocked by the question, he doesn’t answer.
“I figured the kids were just being nice by not telling me if you did, but you’re not wearing a ring and you’re grocery shopping alone, so…” Eddie rambles again. Steve feels his heart flutter in his chest.
“No.”
“No?”
“No.”
“Are you dating someone?”
Steve shakes his head. “Haven’t really found anyone interesting.”
“Interesting? Since when does Steve Harrington want someone interesting?”
Since the most interesting person he knows kissed him and then left. Since everyone else is boring in comparison to you. Since he realized he was dumb to let you go.
“I guess what I thought I wanted is different now. Has been for a while,” Steve shrugs.
It’s strange how easily Steve becomes wrapped up in Eddie’s orbit, how quickly everything else didn’t matter the moment Eddie started talking to him. It’s just the two of them.
“Excuse me,” a man says to their left. Steve jumps back and apologizes for blocking where he needed to be. Eddie’s eyes never leave Steve.
When the man walks away, Steve clears his throat.
“How long are you in town?”
“How long will it take me to convince you to come back with me?”
Steve chokes on his next breath. “What? Come back with you? To…”
“New York or Chicago. I’m getting a promotion and they’ll let me pick where I wanna go. I’ve been leaning towards Chicago because more of the music I enjoy is making a mark there,” Eddie explains. “And there’s plenty of options for you there, too. Dustin said you just finished your teaching degree.”
“Dustin talks about me?”
“Only when unprovoked,” Eddie grins. “Have you been waiting for me?”
It’s blunt, but Eddie always has been. Steve can hide a lot of emotions from people; It’s been a survival tactic for most of his life.
He’s never been able to hide shit from Eddie.
“Not on purpose.”
Eddie looks at his basket of items. He was really only here for a few things, but he saw his favorite cookies were on sale and he couldn’t resist stocking up. He looks between the basket and Eddie’s eyes.
“You wanna come to mine for dinner?”
“Is dinner cookies?” Eddie laughs, poking at the package closest to the top.
“That’s dessert,” Steve laughs, too. He finds it easy. He never thought it could be this easy after the time that’s passed, the distance they had between them.
“First dessert.”
“What are we, hobbits?” Steve asks.
Eddie’s jaw drops open. “Steve, please. Not in public.”
“What?”
“I didn’t know you read it!” Eddie groans, but he’s smiling, so Steve’s not actually worried.
“I’ve read a lot of things! I’ve been waiting for you, remember?”
An announcement starts in the store— someone’s car is blocking a delivery truck entrance— and they both take a step away from each other. They were much closer than they should be in the grocery store.
This is still Hawkins, and people already don’t like Eddie. Looking cozier than two dudes normally would might be dangerous for both of them.
“So. Dinner?” Steve asks again. It’s easier to remember there are other people around with some distance between them.
“Sure. Dinner.”
Time starts again.
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covid-safer-hotties · 6 months ago
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To My Unmasked Friend in the Fifth Year of COVID - By: Anna Holmes - Published Aug 17, 2024
I’m going to be honest with you, because I love you, and you deserve nothing but honesty. I’m going to try really hard not to be angry while I do it, but it’s probably going to slip out every now and again. But I need you to hear me out, all right?
By now, we’ve talked about my reality. My personal struggle with long COVID, the isolation I live in, why I am so angry all the time.
But let’s talk about you. You just went to a big convention overseas. You got on a plane, got a little gussied up, talked shop with some insiders, geeked out over awards and merch, ate, drank, were merry, left with your social cup and your heart full.
You’re a good person. We wouldn’t be friends otherwise! You’d never dream of tripping a person with a red and white cane, using the r-word, excluding a disabled person from an event because of something they can’t help.
You might even acknowledge that the COVID response from governments and organizations has been ableist and inadequate.
But you didn’t wear a mask.
For whatever reason — you wanted to show off your makeup, it makes you itchy, you believed the messaging that COVID is endemic (what does that actually mean?), you just don’t think about it anymore — you made a choice that actively excludes people like me from participating not only in an event like a convention, but society at large. And yes, it is a choice. Every time you step out into the world without a mask on your face, you have made a decision that your very good reason, whatever it is, supersedes the right of disabled and at-risk people to exist safely in your orbit.
Well, hold on, you say. It’s not any one individual’s fault, it’s the inadequate public health messaging. Isn’t that what you’ve been saying?
And I have. In the past, I have talked about how it is unconscionable that health authorities have thrown their hands up and rescinded guidance that would have saved hundreds of thousands of lives and prolonged a pandemic that, to hear them tell it, has been bested. It hasn’t. Worst of all, the financial motivation that we all know is driving this premature victory lap isn’t even being fulfilled. Long COVID and other post-COVID complications are costing the global economy one trillion a year. Meanwhile, article after article handwrings about nobody wanting to work anymore, about the sagging college application scene, about declines in military enlistment, and the strain on our healthcare systems.
All of this is very much the fault of our leaders, who have decided the political ramifications of “normalcy” are more important than the health and lives of the 400 million people living with long COVID across the globe, the immunocompromised folks who are increasingly being shut out of every conceivable public space, and the disabled community which has been screaming into the wind about our marginalization since before the virus even hit US soil.
But I want to be very clear. You are helping them do this.
The reality is that we have been living in this deeply flawed landscape of “personal choice”, and you’ve made yours. You’ve opted not to look into how densely clustered cases are. You’ve stopped listening to your friends who have informed themselves. You’ve given yourself permission to put COVID on the back burner. You’ve earned it, right? Four and a half years of trauma?
COVID doesn’t care if you’re tired of being scared or careful or considerate. COVID is not something you can personally overcome by being smart or virtuous or brave. It is a virus which only seeks to infect and replicate, and it is getting very good at those things. While you’ve looked away, my community has been scrambling to avoid variants that skirt immunity and don’t show up on rapid tests until day five-seven. The constant battle has changed since you were last in it. It’s not sufficient anymore to get your shots and test before a big event. You could well be asymptomatic and infectious, or have symptoms and convinced yourself it can’t be COVID because that second line hasn’t popped up.
You have come to the conclusion sometime between 2022 and now that you just have to decide what level of risk you’re comfortable with and live with it. The problem with that is scale. It’s you and everybody else doing that, and a lot of people have decided they are comfortable with a high level of risk. Despite what you’ve been told, you’re not just making that decision for yourself. You are making it for every person you come in contact with.
Think back to the early tense days of 2020. We were told to select a “bubble.” Those people would be our social lifelines, and through those, we could control our exposure.
My bubble is quite small. It includes my husband, my sister, and two friends I see relatively frequently.
My husband goes to work via the bus, and to the grocery store. Every person he comes in contact with there has the potential to infect him, and then he has the potential to pass it along to me. He mitigates this by wearing a well-fitted respirator at all times.
My sister goes to work at a busy public place. She masks when public facing and takes it off in the back office. She goes to restaurants, bars, concerts, hangs out with friends and her own partner unmasked. About 75% of her interactions have the heightened potential to infect her, which she might then bring into my house when she visits me.
My friends do not mask anywhere except my house when asked. They attend concerts, shows, cons, bars.
Obviously, I am in control of whether I wear a mask around these people. And as we approach one million new cases a day, I will be around everyone but my husband. But science is clear: reciprocal masking is more effective at infection control than a single person masking — especially when that single person is trying to protect themselves, not others.
This is settled science. We’ve known this since 2020. It says clearly that the choice you make is not personal- it has implications for everyone you come in contact with.
And being clear — if I could, I’d make everyone wear a mask for their own health. I don’t want people suffering with what I have. But you’ve been told this lie that you can take your risks for yourself, so you feel comfortable going out without a mask. You’ve been told this lie that it’s possible to completely recover from a COVID infection, so you assume that even if you do catch it, that’s what’ll happen to you, despite evidence showing that every body is indelibly changed by an infection, and that risk only grows with each subsequent infection.
And the greatest lie of all — that only the sick or elderly have anything to fear from COVID — has given you unfounded confidence in your own “good” genes or immune system or fitness. You can get long COVID even if you’re in peak form — in fact, may even be more likely to be hit hard.
So you have decided, individually and collectively, that only the sick or elderly should have to take precautions, and you freewheel through life, only to get surprised and dismayed when you bump into COVID in the wild. It’s back, people declare every summer or winter, as though it ever left.
But I want you to really think about the implications of your choice. Besides yourself. Because let’s be honest here, that’s who you’ve been thinking about, right? Your risk. Your comfort. Never mind your bubble, never mind the bubble of everyone you come into contact with, never mind the people like me who are literally hiding from people like you.
You’re not masking at the doctor’s office. You’re not masking at the airport. You’re not masking at the giant superspreader you just attended, and you’re not masking in the bars and restaurants where we know the virus flourishes. And then you’re bringing that exposure back to your family and friends. Back to the grocery store, where you run across people like my husband, shopping for someone who is unsafe to leave the house, or your elderly neighbors, or an immunocompromised employee.
You’re a good person, or you like to think of yourself that way. That’s why when you’re asked to mask, you dismiss it out of hand — because that changed behavior implies that you’ve been doing something wrong.
And my friend, I’m telling this because I love you: you have been. You might have been doing that on faulty information, but be honest with yourself and with me — you’ve heard me begging people to take this seriously. You’ve seen the information I’ve been sharing. You have had the opportunity to seek out the correct information all along, and you have chosen not to.
It isn’t too late to change your view of the risk you’re imposing on the people around you. It’s not too late to push public health to become more effective. It’s not too late to act in solidarity and be the inclusive person you think you are. It’s not too late to take care of yourself.
Ultimately, that’s what I have been screaming myself hoarse about. I don’t want you to end up with what I have. I don’t want you to inadvertently impose that on someone else. And yes, I’ve been angry, because you’ve been advertising your absolute lack of concern with group shots of your naked faces on social media. It doesn’t seem to bother you that I am stuck at home like it’s 2020, except for doctors’ appointments that I literally have to risk my life to go to. You’ve told yourself that it’s not your problem, because only the sick and elderly have to take precautions.
You know better. You can do better. For your community, yourself, and me, do better.
Please. I love you.
Anna
PS. If you’re feeling upset and embarrassed right now, the best thing you can do is take action. Get yourself good masks (the surgicals and cloth ones don’t cut it anymore), donate to mask blocs so others can access good masks, write to your representatives and the President, comment on upcoming CDC guidance, schedule yourself a booster, and talk to your loved ones about doing better, too. The only way we get out of this is with community care. So care.
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dumplingsjinson · 11 months ago
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List of “you just had to go and ruin something good, didn’t you?” prompts
“…Maybe you should have kept that to yourself.”
“I really wish I didn’t find out about what you did.”
“You should have trusted me.” “How dare you— You can’t be serious right now. You made it so fucking difficult for me to trust you.” 
“Things could have stayed the same if you didn’t go and run your mouth.”
“There are days when I wish you didn’t tell me how you felt.” 
“You’ve done nothing but fuck things up, so thanks a lot for that.” 
“So… What was I supposed to do? Hide how I felt and just carried on like my feelings meant nothing? Like my emotions hold no weight at all?” 
“This could have been avoided if you didn’t—” “If I didn’t what? If I didn’t tell you how I felt about you?” 
“Why are you letting my feelings get in the way of our friendship? I’m not asking you to like me back! I’m not asking for any of that so why… Why? I just don’t understand what I’ve done that was so fucking wrong that I’m being literally condemned for it by you.” 
“So you’re saying I wouldn’t have lost you all if I had just sat there and bit my tongue.” 
“I’m sorry for telling the truth. I’m sorry I didn’t want to lie.” 
“If telling a lie was the only way I could keep us together than I think I’d prefer things this way. I don’t want us to be built on lies. It’s happened before, and it fell apart right in front of me and… I don’t want to risk going through that pain again. Especially knowing I could have done something to save it from crumbling like that, but I was not brave enough to make that step.”
“Curiousity more than just screwed us over, didn’t it?”
“We wouldn’t be here if you were capable of telling even an ounce of truth.”
“It’s the fact that we lost something so dear to us because of one small detail that really didn’t need to be aired out like that.” 
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Join my Discord server: Steaming Dumplings Nation (so you can also join in on yelling at me to go to sleep at an appropriate time)
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carolperkinsexgirlfriend · 3 months ago
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can you see the stars in your dreams (and do they have a lot to say about me) - Part 17
Or: a secret Admirer AU
PART 1 || PART 2 || PART 3 || PART 4 || PART 5 || PART 6 || PART 7 || PART 8 || PART 9 || PART 10 || PART 11 || PART 1 || PART 13 || PART 14 || PART 15 || PART 16
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Eddie’s back to school on Tuesday, black eye turning a mottled sort of green, lip scabbed over. From where he’s hemmed in by Robin and Chrissy, Steve watches Eddie catch a glimpse of him and bolt the other way.
Jeff sighs, lets go of his hold on Chrissy’s arm, and says, “sorry, Steve. I’m just gonna—” and then he points toward Eddie and follows after him without another word.
Steve’s gut clenches with guilt. He’d put that look on Eddie’s face, had caused the rift in his and Jeff’s friendship, had split the forming group up with his ridiculous crush. But Chrissy and Robin are still here, standing by his side.
“Are he and Jeff okay?” Steve asks, biting his lip as he glances at Chrissy.
“I think so,” she says, looking after her boyfriend. “They talked on the phone, but Jeff didn’t tell me what about.”
“Forget about them,” Robin replies, reaching out to take his hand even as it makes everyone around them stare. “Come on, Stevie, or we’ll be late to Ms. Clickity Clack’s class.”
Steve passes the rest of the day in a daze, the spot at his side a revolving cast of Chrissy, Robin, and Jeff, like they’d all talked behind his back and decided he couldn’t be trusted with being alone right now. Steve can’t blame them because as soon as he’s left unattended in his big empty house, he gets out his notebook and pen, and begins to write.
   Eddie —
   I’m sorry I never got to read your last letter, but it wasn’t for me anyways. Maybe none of them were, not really. And I’m sorry about that, even sorrier about how your pretty face got caught in the ceasefire. I’m just full of sorries I’m to scared to tell to your face—from the way you ran when you saw me in the hallway this morning, maybe you wouldn’t want me to anyway.
   You’ve always been the brave one, so you must really want to not see me, huh? I hope you and Jeff are friends again. I’m sorry about that too, I’m the one who asked him not to tell you. I was afraid, but that’s no excuse.
   I don’t know how to stop wanting to right write to you. I can’t turn off the part of me that still wants to know everything about you. There’s a whole in my heart, and I keep trying to find people to fill it, but I can never be in love with someone who loves me back. You know?
   I’m sorry, Eddie. Maybe someday, I’ll get to say it to your face.
   Sorry,
   Steve
He closes the notebook on the damning words and shoves it into his nightstand so he doesn’t have to look at it. Sleep doesn’t come—the house is too quiet. He grabs the phone off his dresser and calls the only other person he knows whose parents trust them enough to have a phone in their bedroom.
“H’lo?” Robin mutters sleepily after finally picking up the phone six rings later.
She sounds tired—Steve’s sorry he woke her. “I wrote another letter,” he says.
That seems to perk her up instantly, as she hisses down the line, “Steven James Harrington.”
“Not my name, Robin Steven Bobbington,” he replies, talking right over her shrieked “well, that’s not mine!” to continue, “I’m not going to send it.”
“You better not,” she replies, and Steve can hear some rustling on her end, like she’s settling back down into her bed. He wishes, suddenly, that he was in there with her, clutching her hand as they fall asleep side by side. Instead, he lays down on his own bed and concentrates on the noises coming down the line.
“Is it stupid that I miss him?” he asks.
“Yeah, kinda.”
“Robin!”
She laughs, a quiet sleepy chuckle that warms him straight through. “I’m just saying! He’s been treating you like shit, Stevie.”
Steve sighs, burrowing down under his comforter and taking the phone with him. “He was different in the letters,” he whispers, like someone in his empty house might hear him otherwise. “Sweeter, you know?”
Robin sighs, “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me too.”
There’s enough sorries to go around for all of them, apparently. They’re quiet for a while, Robin’s breathing keeping him company in his big, lonely bed with his big, lonely thoughts.
“I love you, Robbie,” he whispers. “You know that, right?”
He’s been saying it a lot lately, throwing the words around like they’ll connect this time and get him something real. And they had, with Chrissy, with Robin, hell, even with Jeff. Just, not with Eddie. Maybe someday, he’ll learn to be okay with that.
“Love you, too, Dingus,” Robin replies, like it’s easy.
He falls asleep that night to the sound of Robin’s quiet snoring.
***
Eddie thinks about it—obsessively, compulsively. He dreams about it, jerks off about it, fucking cries about it. He reads the letters, again, and again, and again, wishing desperately that he still had that first one. At school, he checks his locker obsessively, compulsively, hoping there’s another note in his locker—there never is.
“Dude, what’s your problem?” Gareth asks, an elbow into Eddie’s side.
“Ow, ribs!” Eddie cries, curling away from him and into Doug at their usual lunch table.
“Sorry!” Gareth replies, leaning away from him and raising his hands up like that’ll somehow prove he’s harmless.
Jeff snorts around his sandwich, “gotta be careful, Gare-bear. He’s precious cargo now.”
“Oh fuck off,” Eddie replies, rolling his eyes as the rest of Hellfire laugh around him.
“No, but seriously, dude,” Gareth asks, this time without the thrown elbow. “What’s up with you?”
Eddie looks across the cafeteria at Steve and Chrissy’s usual spots, still empty the way they have been for weeks. He worries, sometimes, that they’re not eating, and it’s his fault.
Hopefully, they’re just packing lunches from home and eating somewhere else (he’s been too afraid to check).
“Can’t tell you buddy,” Eddie replies, still looking at the empty spot like that’ll somehow make the duo appear. “I promised.”
Gareth, clearly having followed his line of sight, leans closer and asks in an unsubtle whisper, “but it’s about you know what?”
Doug sits on, oblivious, but Jeff snorts again and asks, “okay, you didn’t tell me jack shit, but you told the freshman?”
“Sophomore, jackass!” Gareth cries, before seeming to realize the implications of Jeff’s sentence. “You told Jeff?”
“I knew before you did,” Jeff says smugly, and Eddie’s starting to get pissed off about that again.
“How!”
“Jeff, dearest?” Eddie grits out. “Do you want me to punch you in the face?”
That shuts the table up catastrophically. But in the end, Jeff sighs and says, “I’m coming over after school,” and the rest of lunch is spent fielding Gareth’s indignant questions.
True to his word, Jeff climbs into Eddie’s passenger seat at the end of the day. Eddie doesn’t take them to the trailer, he just drives around, taking back roads round and round, restlessness making his fingers twitch in the gear shift.
Jeff’s the one who breaks the silence, in the end. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he says, making Eddie flinch at the sudden noise. “Steve just seemed so scared, and Chrissy was crying so—”
“He was scared?” Eddie interrupts, stuck on the thought. He’d known that, before, but now that Eddie’s afraid, too, it hits like a punch to the chest.
“Of course he was,” Eddie replies to his own question. Suddenly unable to focus, Eddie pulls over to the side of the road. “I’m scared, too.”
Jeff sucks in a breath; Eddie doesn’t look away from his own knees.
“Yeah?”
Eddie bites his lip, knowing that Jeff will be able to read between the lines. “Yeah.” His eyes are watering, and Eddie swipes at them, embarrassed. “And I know we’re supposed to be talking about us, but I just—”
“No, hey,” Jeff replies. Eddie hears the sound of his seatbelt unbuckling, and the rustle of him shifting in his seat, and suddenly, Jeff’s hand is clasping Eddie’s shoulder, shaking him around just a little. “You’re my best friend—we’re fine, dude.”
Eddie swipes at his eyes again, “I think I want to ask him out, but what if I’m wrong?” Eddie asks, tracking Jeff’s expression out of the corner of his eye. “I don’t want to hurt him again.”
“So, what?” Jeff asks, voice deadpan. “You find out he likes you and suddenly he’s not just a jock anymore?”
Eddie looks down at his own knees, bracing for a hit he knows will never come. But, Eddie’s always been good at hurting himself, so he thinks about that yellow nail polish again, the enraptured look in Steve’s eyes during every D&D session, the way he’d glued himself to Robin Buckley, band nerd supreme’s side in recent weeks. The way he’d look at Eddie like he wasn’t the king of the freaks, like he was worth something.
“He was never just a jock,” Eddie murmurs. “I just never let myself think about it.”
Jeff mmmhmms him and Eddie knows him well enough to hear the doubt beneath the agreement.
“I was afraid, okay?” Eddie laments, scrunching his eyes closed tight until that makes his bruised eye ache too much. “You wouldn’t get it.”
At that, Jeff scoffs, and before Eddie can start up another tirade, he replies, “right, the black guy dating a white girl in Po-dunk, Indiana has no idea how scary it can be to make a move on the person you like.”
Okay, fair.
“You know what could happen if the wrong person finds out?” Jeff continues. “I’ll be lucky if they let me get out of town alive.”
“Okay, okay! I get it, sorry!” Eddie cries, throwing his hands up in defeat. And Jeff, being the asshole he is, just laughs at his discomfort. “How’s that going anyway?”
“With Chrissy?” Jeff asks, continuing when Eddie nods. “She’s great, man. I really, really like her.”
He’s smiling all goofy and in love. Eddie waits for the jealousy to hit; it never comes. Even as he’d flirted with her, there’d always been a disconnect for him between the letters and the girl. He knows why, now.
“I’m happy for you.”
Jeff aims that same goofy smile at him and punches his shoulder. “Thanks, man.”
Eddie wants to feel that way about someone. He wants to think of them and smile like he just can’t help himself. And with Steve Harrington of all people, maybe he can.
“If I ask Steve out, do you think he’ll still say yes?”
“Oh, for sure,” Jeff replies without hesitation before he turns to Eddie and eyes him up and down. “But are you sure you want to?”
Eddie bites back the defensive retort rising on his tongue, and grits out, “what do you mean?”
Jeff sighs and leans back in his chair. Eddie waits, three seconds from snapping as he stews in Jeff’s silence, hands clenched so hard against the steering wheel that it feels like one of his nails might pop clean off. 
“Jeff–”
“No one’s ever liked you before!” Jeff cries, and it hits Eddie like a punch to the sternum. “And maybe it’s not fair of me to ask but, are you sure you even really like him?”
“What?” Eddie asks, his mind a record skipping against a bent needle. “What do you–”
“Eddie, man,” Jeff sighs, swiveling his head to finally look Eddie directly in the eyes. “Do you like Steve Harrington, or do you just like that he likes you?”
He drops the wheel, hands almost numb as he shakes them out, no longer able to meet Jeff’s eye. 
How would anyone ever know that for sure? How can he know the origin of a feeling when it’s been there, simmering in the background of his brain, just waiting for him to wake up? How can he separate the feeling for a person and the person’s feeling for them?
That’s like asking him to unbraid his hair, let it fall back together, and still be able to tell which strands made up each component of the braid–it can’t be done.
But, “Gareth said I was obsessed with him,” Eddie replies, barely above a whisper. “Like, before I knew he wrote the letters?”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Eddie laughs, but it’s just like Steve said–it sounds different when he doesn’t think it’s funny. “And, he was right, you know? I was flirting with Chrissy, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him.”
Eddie runs a shaking hand through his hair and buries his face into his hands with a shudder. “He’s just–he’s Steve Harrington, right? Everyone knows everything about him, but then he just changes the script!” Eddie’s smiling now, manic, animated. “And I wanted to know everything.”
Eddie drops his hands to look over at Jeff, meeting his eyes once more. Jeff looks patient, ready, hopeful in a way he hadn’t before, so Eddie keeps talking.
“Like, Chrissy was flirting with you and he didn’t even seem to care, and the yellow nail polish, and he came to Hellfire, Jeff. Steve Harrington came and watched us play Dungeons and Dragons.”
“I know,” Jeff replies, grinning now, pearly whites all on full display. 
“And when he came to band practice, he was just like, watching me, and I sort of wanted to die, but in a good way, you know?”
Jeff decidedly does not look like he knows, but he’s still grinning across at Eddie like he’s proud of him. Eddie’s kind of proud, too, that he’s managing to say all of this aloud. It feels somehow new and a long time coming at the same time. 
“Okay, you can ask him out,” Jeff says, turning forward in his seat and buckling his seatbelt once more. 
Eddie laughs. “Oh, because I needed your blessing?”
“Yeah,” Jeff replies, grinning as he turns back to Eddie, looking him up and down like he’s a slab of meat Jeff’s checking for its quality. “Maybe wait until you’re healed up, though. You look like one of those cardboard box kittens that I keep seeing on the news.”
“Shut up!” Eddie squawks, but he’s smiling, helplessly, hopefully.
Eddie Munson with a chance at love, who would’ve thought?
PART 18
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