#I’m being dramatic but it sure as fuck feels like it
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starship-squalleater · 2 years ago
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Bruh I may as well fucking drop out
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the-woild-is-y-erster · 4 months ago
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day fucking ruined nvm
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taylorrswift · 1 month ago
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-
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ghostickle · 4 months ago
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Fun fact ur ferritin should be 30-50
Mines 7 :)
#gonna fight every doctor that refused to do their job and called me dramatic#over 20 fuckin years of this of feeling like my body is slowly dying#that’s not the only thing that’s severely low either#like my iron is relatively normal but that’s all they ever tested#no one ever bothered looking further meanwhile my iron saturation is almost nonexistent#idk how u can have normal iron but no iron saturation but apparently that’s possible#we don’t know yet but we are betting I either have celiacs or graves#and I’m really hoping not celiacs cause my diet is already very limited if I have to cut out what little I can eat#I might as well just get a feeding tube I’d be starving if I have to cut out stuff for celiacs#we think my body can’t process proteins either don’t know the answer on that one yet#but I’m pretty confident that’s true#considering meat makes me painfully sick#ghost rambles#anyways over 20 years of being called dramatic and a hypochondriac and I was fucking right#genuinely I think there should be some kind of repercussion for doctors who refuse to test or listen to patients#it shouldn’t have taken this long to have some tests ran#and we don’t even know what it is yet just know that I have proof now I wasn’t lying#the amount of doctors that belittled me saying it’s anxiety or I want attention or that bullshit#I had a licensed professional ask if I’m sure it’s not just hunger#and yknow what yea I’m pissed at all the ‘professionals’ that let me live in so much pain and barely able to function#all because no one wanted to believe me
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lilyflxwers · 4 months ago
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being mentally ill is fine until you show symptoms
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strechanadi · 10 months ago
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So it is true.
He’s leaving before he’s 42. 41 even.
And I hate it.
I was supposed to have two whole seasons at the very least.
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jawnjendes · 8 months ago
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wowwwwwweeeeeeee
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placeinthisworld · 1 year ago
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.
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fingertipsmp3 · 9 months ago
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I’m gonna be completely real with you. For the past couple of weeks I have been neck deep in the Ice Planet Barbarians series with no end in sight
#i don’t know what ms ruby dixon put in these books but it’s like crack to me#i think it’s the balance of predictability vs there being a journey#like i know these two are going to get together and be fated mates but i don’t know when or how it’s going to happen#and she keeps switching up the formula just enough that i’m not sure what exactly the vibe is going to be each time#i’m on maddie’s book and it might be my favourite so far just because of how dramatic the earthquake was#and i liked that SOMEONE finally asked if any of the men were getting it on with each other because i mean……#there’s two dozen hunters who thought they were NEVER going to get a mate and you’re telling me NONE of them fucked. suspicious#i also really liked when hassen was saying about how maddie throws stuff at people when she’s mad and then he says ‘now that is a woman’#like honestly. yeah. too many of these men have been like ‘oh i love my small delicate human mate :)’ and hassen is like#‘this fat bitch who screams at people? i want her. she’s mine’ because bro honestly that would be me#i’d either be ms ariana screaming and crying at any stimuli; maddie throwing stuff at people; or maybe a combo of the two#which i think is probably liz#what else do i have to say about this… i mean honestly i am a vektal apologist. the man needs a raise. he is dealing with TOO MUCH bullshit#and from too many people. whenever some guy pipes up like ‘my mate is pregnant i can’t do that’ i’d be like ‘man EVERYBODY is pregnant#read the fucking room’#i’m not saying i like vektal i’m just saying i understand him and i feel bad for him and i’m impressed that he hasn’t started killing#that’s about it. uh. i’m going to finish this one and then read the spinoffs before i proceed#personal#**not the spinoffs. the novellas. the babies etc
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jrwiyuri · 1 year ago
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Im gonna kms im gonna die I feel like im dying
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bucky-barnes-diaries · 2 years ago
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Some venting in the tags because sometimes it’s easier to vent into the void than talk to my therapist 🙂 Although I should probably make an appointment and bring this up with her. Don’t mind me being depressed for a minute 😂 Carry on with your whoring and other shenanigans
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vampirebutterflies · 1 year ago
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why must the sexiest bitches suffer the worst aggies
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thorninyourpaw · 1 year ago
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listening to old shoddily recorded screamo/posthc music and screeching along to it wearing ugly tortoiseshell glasses to process the possible “break up” of a 4 year long distance fwb fucking thing just as god intended
ALL THE PROMISE OF A REAAALLL MAAANNNNN
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they were already incredibly suspicious to me, every last one of those supposed “professionals.” i think I’m more suspicious than I ever was now - somehow that was possible. I’m even more apprehensive, perhaps even fearful.
solidarity between people who want to take psychiatric meds to function and those who don’t.
What’s important is that we both have autonomy, informed consent and safe access to treatments we want, and to not be forced, coerced or pressured into those we don’t.
#yes yes yes#I feel so trapped right now - it seems I might be able to cancel the appointment and hopefully take nothing but if I’m unable to I think-#-that will be my final straw#horrifying for me. interacting with psychiatry at the age the body is at is traumatizing - traumatizing at any age though perhaps I’m being#-dramatic. I don’t think so though.#my experiences have been less than decent so far - for the most part#plus they tended to want me on medication out of simple stigmatized lenses#they were more concerned about the fact that I even experienced something such as supposed hallucinations (GASP) than my actual experiences#it’s difficult to word but I’ll speak more and hopefully organize my thoughts in a later post#psychiatry isn’t here to help it’s here to put everyone in a single file line - they mentioned me not being normal enough essentially#I’ll elduicate more in a later post#but I was forced and am being forced with the looming threat of long term hospitalization though I will hopefully be able to get out of it#that threat is now always hanging over my head#they forced me and it ended up fucking with a health condition I already have along with general side effects#the courts almost got involved while the impostor was trying to get me out of there because they didn’t want to release me#despite it being an unhelpful place just like every mental hospital. I feel even more ‘unsafe’ as they call it and tempted to run now.#I don’t trust the medicine I’m afraid of it and having threats held over my head it all felt sort of like mind rape - to be dramatic again#it doesn’t matter how much I express how afraid of them I am they don’t understand and I have other reasons besides my suspicion as to why#-I don’t wish to take them. the fact that the body can’t tolerate them for example. not wanting to be forced. the forcing makes me panic.#it’s mind rape. not to mention even despite the inability to tolerate he still wanted to try an antipsychotic down the line - which is not#going to happen. no medicine. I’m not trying anything. I’d be more open if there weren’t threats over my head and I weren’t being forced#but I don’t want any at all. I have my reasons - they want me to take it for medically induced suicide purposes as well - what I mentioned#earlier/ not being normal enough for their standards and being how they even on a subconscious level view me as a dirty schizo#who needs to be fixed so I don’t want them for that as well#I haven’t rambled about it much yet until now but it feels like mind rape to me even if that’s dramatic I don’t generally experience the#instinct to cry and still I cried multiple different times over this shit over being forcefully kept in a bad facility that wouldn’t even#give me my physical meds and did nothing for health conditions so the body dehydrated horribly and shit and some of the staff were pretty#rude too it was just a bad experience not as bad as lobotomy I know but I couldn’t stand it and being forced the threats all the threats#made sure to try and keep myself in check for that reason but the threats of long term if I wasn’t compliant enough I don’t want to be sent#away I want to be left alone I want freedom I want a break I want a hug (?) I want to be away from all impostors I want to disappear
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hobisexually · 1 month ago
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#I know I have seasonal affective disorder#and I know winter depression me is the worst version of me#I Know#and I hate her more than any of you do I promise#but every time I say something dark and someone goes ‘it’s November/december though. you don’t really mean that’#it makes me want to hit them with a bat#I don’t own a bat. and on top of that I’m a pacifist so obviously I will not#but I know what time do year it is! I’ve known it’s coming since September because that’s when my brain chemistry notably changes#because like . I do mean it. in this moment I mean it deeply and it Scares Me so can we take it seriously rather than say oh it’s just SAD!!#and I’m scared out of my mind so to go dismiss it as ‘just’ a winter thing is so patronising and it makes me SO mad#like trust me …… I’m aware we’re being dramatic because of circadian rhythms#but that doesn’t make it less terrifying or real in the moment#extra bat hitting tendencies @ my mum who simply says ‘okay try and be calmer’#NEVER IN THE HISTORY OF ANYBODY EVER HAS THAT WORKED#idk man everything feels bleak and unsafe and terrifying and Heavy and I’m not much fun to be around at all right now#but I mostly don’t enjoy being in my own company in these months which makes me want to retreat even further because why put that grey cloud#on my friends?#and it’s bad usually but it’s even Worse this year after surgery recovery and if I’m honest burn out and a full ptsd meltdown-recovery#was supposed to go back to work after this weekend but started crying just at the idea and told the company doctor and thank God#she said that I should just recover mentally too now and come back after the holidays#but bro ………….. there’s too much going on and I’m Stuck i’m just Frozen in pure fucking full blown Fear#it hasn’t been this bad since 2020 which . ha ha ha ha#anyways . reminders that things will lighten up in the spring: sure yes#discrediting what I say as ‘you don’t mean that because it’s winter’#start running :)
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ode2rin · 9 months ago
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new boyfriend rin would never ever, under any circumstance, admit that he likes the pet names you call him. well… unless you would stop doing it. (also me pushing the bffs to lovers pipeline)
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You must be upset with him, Rin is convinced so. It’s the only logical and sensible explanation behind this unusual behavior. 
And he's going mad about it. Itoshi Rin is going mad any second now if he can't get to the bottom of this, he’s certainly convinced.
Every instinct screamed that your recent behavior was a reaction to something he'd done, but what? Was it the late replies to your text messages? No, you knew he was at practice and you told him you didn’t mind. Was it about the souvenir he brought back home to you from Paris? Sure, you teased him about its impracticality, but nothing that warranted this icy distance.
Or maybe it was something he said now? It must be, right? Everything boils down to his reckless poor choice of words, he supposes.
Slowly, Rin approached you by the couch you’re seated in. With your attention preoccupied by the selection of shows you’re browsing, you settled on looking at him briefly through your peripheral vision. Amused by how he’s slightly tiptoeing around, you let out a half-suppressed laugh to yourself. 
He looks like a cat sometimes, you thought from the sight. And acts like one too. Like a big black cat who would hiss at you if you looked at him funny, or one that would bite your hand if you stopped petting him to sleep. Funny how Rin could be like that too.
The moment Rin settles into the plush comfort of the couch, he gazes at you through lowered lashes, trying to read the play of emotions on your face, if there’s any. 
There’s nothing worth noting, and he doesn’t know if that should assure or bother him.
“Are we… alright?” he drawled.
What the fuck. He did not just sound like that. 
He did not just ask that and sounded like an anxious pathetic wet cat who just had a new home waiting for its owner’s permission over anything (highly specific because he’s a bit dramatic). Just what kind of loser have you reduced him into, really.
Oblivious of the internal turmoil in Rin’s mind, you turn to him, “Hmm? Yeah? Why’d you ask?”
“Nothing,” he grumbled. It’s enough that he already humiliated himself for the way he asked if the two of you were cool— doing it again by exposing himself that he thinks you’re mad plainly because he hadn’t heard you call him a pet name (like you always do) would be mortification in its final form.
“Okay, Rin.”
That’s it. This needs to end. Forget humiliation. He would rather choose to feel pathetic over any day than continue with this charade.
“Are you mad at me?” 
“Why would you think that?” you asked back instantly, shocked and extremely confused because of your boyfriend’s question. You’re literally just looking for a movie the two of you can watch— how is that any indication of being mad at him?
“Just answer the question,” he fumed, impatience settling on the furrow of his brows.
You said in the beginning of your relationship that you didn’t appreciate the silent treatment and guessing games, so don’t you think it’s hypocritical of you to do the same to him? (You’re not, but he just doesn’t know that.)
“I’m not mad at you, Rin.”
“You so are!” 
“I am not! But you, yelling and instigating it are making me right now!” you countered, voice hinted with irritation, “What is your problem, Rin?”
There it is again. Rin rose from the couch to face your sitting form, as if standing would better prove his point. “See? You’re calling me Rin!” he blurted.
“Well, maybe because it’s your name?!”
“Not to you, it’s not!”
A beat of surprised silence. Until your lips grew to such a wide smile that made Rin physically feel his heart melting. 
Yet, in Rin’s true fashion, he’ll never let you know how much air you knock out of him because of your beaming smile. Instead, he’ll say something along the snarky lines of, “Stop smiling like that.”
“Did my big bad grumpy Rinnie here thought we’re on a fight because I hadn’t call him baby?” you ask, purposely stressing out the words to disarm him more.
With a feigned exasperation, he comments, “I forgot how annoying you are.” 
“And I forgot how childish you can get sometimes,” you countered.
“I’m not childish.”
“You don’t mind me calling you Rin then?”
Rin rolled his eyes at you, but you know better than to put meaning to it. He lowered himself onto the couch beside you. With a swift tug, Rin pulled you closer, closing the distance between you effortlessly. His arm found its way around your waist, drawing you snugly against his chest.
“But I don’t see why you need to…” Maybe he could be a bit childish.
“I thought you didn’t like it,” you shyly muttered, drawing shapes in his arm. “The pet names, I mean,” you clarified, sensing the confused look he’s probably giving you behind.
“What the hell are you talking about?” He is baby. He is Rinnie. Fucking hell, that’s so loser of him to even voice it out in his own mind. 
“What? You call me by my name!” you defensively pointed out.
“Doesn’t mean I don’t like your nicknames of me,” he mumbled, the words barely audible.
The pet names— they were more than what they served. It was important to him more than what he would admit. 
They were a secret language, a way you marked him as yours. A reminder that he wasn't just Rin anymore— just your friend.
He was now something more, something special.
A ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Besides… I love your name,” he whispered, his voice velvet against your hair.
It’s tender— no, it makes him tender. Saying your name has been the softest, kindest, and most tender way he’s used his words for. 
Maybe it’s a little pathetic, feeling this undone by a name. But then it’s you. 
It was your name— a name he could whisper with adoration, a name that belonged only to him to claim. 
You melt to his words, leaning deeper into his chest. A contented sigh escaped your lips, the sound swallowed by the warmth of his embrace.
Looking up at him, your eyes held a softness he often found himself getting lost in, “I love your name too, but I also like calling you pet names. Is it okay?”
“Whatever you decide.” He’s yours, either way.
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note. this is basically rin being "my nameeee is whatever you decideeeee and i'm just gonna call you mineeee i'm insane but i'm your baby!!!!" yeah that song basically.
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