#I’ll put this in the TL tag in like a day or something I don’t feel like tagging it right now

[robottheodorlasso]

Since I’m already dumping a bunch of sketches, here are a few more for the generic light fantasy au that lives inside my head rent free (aka my poor excuse to give Trent a sword) (read the captions and tags for a little more context)

[ohheyaghost]

the past and the future of Splatoon - a ramble and some theorizing by me !!

With team past being the winners of the splatfest, that leads to many implications of what comes next for splatoon. The past is filled with cool stuff, meaning we have a vast amount of options or styles to base the next game on. Most people are expecting a great turf war inspired game. Though if that were the case, they would be throwing away almost a decade worth of worldbuilding. Which is why I come bearing with another theory, The splatlands and the great flood. This is gonna be a long one.

The splatlands is a region that has not yet been explored as well lore wise. Splatoon 4 having an approach more towards the great flood and salmonids would be incredible and make for a great story mode. The devs have been building up towards the salmonids having deeper not-yet-explored lore with the introduction of big runs and kind salmonids in splatoon 3. I have a feeling the splatlands and salmonids have a more close knit past then they let on…

During big runs, the stage is usually flooded. The splatlands are known to be prone to flooding as shown with certain stages, (“undertow spillway is a flood bypass in splatsville”) and the great flood. Since the game will most likely take place in another city by splatsville in the splatlands, I have a feeling the floods will be significant. Before we get into my next point, let’s talk about patterns.

The first two story modes followed a very similar formula. Octo Valley and Octo Canyon have almost the same story mode plot. Octo expansion brought something somewhat new to the table, and then alterna had something similar. Then side order brought something entirely new, with the rouge lite/like style gameplay. The game styles get to go twice and then we get something new. Meaning that splatoon 4’s story mode most likely will be a rogue lite/like. Now back to the last point and looping it to the next point.

What if the splatoon 4 story mode is a roguelike/lite, dealing with another great flood or salmonids. The ambiguity leaves a lot of interpretation (give me your theories!! Put them in tags and comments!!) I don’t know where I was going with this ramble, but I’m glad I finally managed to write it. I’ll probably make a ton more theories in the future.

TL;DR: My theory is the next game takes place in the splatlands (not in splatsville but a town nearby), the story mode is in relation to either salmonids or the flooding that takes place in the splatlands and will be a roguelike/lite.

That’s my ramble for the day. I wrote most of it during English class instead of reading the book I’m supposed to be reading. PLEASE tell me your opinion on this theory and some of your own in comments/tags!!

[ryuichirou]

Replies

We’re back with more replies! Long ones today…

Anonymous asked:

Can you recommend us any tumblrs to follow?

Unfortunately, I can’t recommend any tumblrs either… we don’t even have a feed here, we just drop posts and leave; I am sorry. 😔 It’s easier to check my tl when it’s only my art there lol Once again, read this as an invitation to share your favourite blogs in the comments.

Anonymous asked:

Hello! I'm the anon from the headcanon ask about TreyRidChe and wanted to thank you for answering! I had to dig because for some reason the tag system wasn't working and I was never sure if it got answered until today! Again though as someone who likes TreyRiddle first and foremost (so the bias was perfectly acceptable) I do agree Che'nya would be more a provoker especially from what I've seen in the manga. (It's really in the way Trey was so much more enthralled by Riddle from certain pages.)

I am happy to hear from you again, Anon! And I am very glad that you found the post despite all the issues with the tags… it’s very difficult to find posts on this site sometimes, especially when there are so many of them, and the notifications don’t work all the time either. 😔 (By the way, here is the post that Anon is talking about!)

Also, I completely agree with you, I still think that their dynamic is basically like this. Like I’ve said in the initial post, Che’nya loves Riddle, but doesn’t mind sharing and ultimately wants his friends to be happy, and he knows how hopelessly in love Trey is with Riddle. The manga panels with these three are so pretty and filled with emotions…

Anonymous asked:

Omg I just saw your other reply about not liking ship kids, I'm so sorry if my previous ask made you uncomfortable or something ;;;

-Idia's womb tattoo anon

Anon! No worries whatsoever, this isn’t related to it and you didn’t make us uncomfortable at all. Like I said, there are certain scenarios in which we enjoy the theme, and if it’s dark and/or kinky, the chances of us being on board are always higher. Moreover, your ask is related to a comic that we posted ourselves, so it’s all good – we started it >:3c

What we don’t like is the 100% wholesome and genuine “our baby is kicking, can you feel it?”, “passing out because he’s just found out he’ll be a father” thing. Nothing against it, it’s just not our thing. I’m also just taking my time with a lot of asks because I want to reply properly, but my brain is small and my limit is a couple of replies per day 😔 This is why I am slow…

Thank you for your concern though! And I’ll reply to you in a moment 👀

Anonymous asked:

Random, but since you imagined you don't like pregnancy tropes, does that also count for MPreg? (which stands for male pregnancy)

tbh, MPreg is not my thing, but suddenly remembered that, that’s a thing. This brings me back to the good old days of hetalia cuz this fandom had a LOT of Mpreg going around, lol.

But in a world of magic and such is not impossible? I mean, Malleus did come from an egg, so like, yeah.

Just like I said in a previous reply: it depends on how it’s used. If it’s just a happy family, and the purpose of mpreg in the story is simply to put characters in the scenario in which they are expecting, it’s absolutely not for us; it could even get triggering at times. Even in terms of kinks, sometimes it works well, but sometimes it turns into a massive squick. I can’t even describe it in a way that would be 100% conclusive; it’s a delicate topic, I guess. If it’s more messed up or if there are darker themes involved, it’s much more likely to work, and with mpreg it has a lot of potential to be messed up by definition.

When it comes to possibility and magic, yeah, twst universe gives a lot of opportunities to make mpreg happen! Be it convenient magic, unique reproductive systems of certain species, or even something that simply exists in-universe. It’s funny that you mentioned Malleus because the idea of him being able to lay eggs certainly pops up in our conversations from time to time… the mechanics of that, the implications, the complicated relationship Malleus would have with it and stuff; there is a lot to talk about. (We actually have a kinky comic where he lays an egg and Lilia crushes it, but completely forgot about it... it’s been a while.)

And Azul too, I think we talked about him making Idia carry his eggs at some point. When it’s animalistic like that, it’s much more fun because it’s less real, more weird and a bit gross <3 which automatically makes it hot because Idia would be freaked out the entire time.

So yeah, it all depends, and honestly goes from -100 to 1000 at times lol, so it shouldn’t stop you from sending asks. If the theme is something that we don’t like or have nothing to say about, we’ll just skip it.

(oh god, good ol’ hetalia days! I guess we missed all the mpreg- or just erased it from our memories lol)

Anonymous asked:

have you ever considered Sebek/Leona?.

(you view Sebek as a top and Leona as a bottom so it doesn’t break your no switching rule right?)

Leona would get a kick out of “stealing” Malleus’s little boytoy form him and setting out to do so.

while Sebek the poor naive gullible croc has no idea how even ended up fucking Leona in the first place let alone that it was happening to get under his liege’s skin…

who knows if it even work to piss Malleus off though.

You know Anon, miraculously we did talk about these two in a couple of posts!

What’s interesting about this ship is that Sebek has no idea where to put Leona in his mental scale of important people: he really doesn’t like him, he hates how Leona treats Malleus, but he is also supposed to respect Leona nonetheless (Lilia and Malleus both remind him of that) + doesn’t like being dismissed by Leona for some reason. So if Leona wants to provoke Sebek into sleeping with him somehow, it’d be easier than one might think: Sebek really is gullible… but if he learns about Leona’s motive behind seducing him, he would get so angry and also disappointed in himself that he might actually attack Leona and get in trouble for that lol

Although the thing is, there is a big problem with Leona’s plan: if Sebek is having an active affair with Malleus (= being his little boytoy), it won’t be easy to seduce him. And if Sebek isn’t having an affair with Malleus, Malleus probably wouldn’t care much. So was the croc dick even worth it, Leona?

[kingkatsuki]

you are a whole ass weirdo for blocking people out of nowhere for not REBLOGGING your stuff 😭😭😭 you are one of the most popular blogs in the whole mha fandom, you gotta be kidding you don't even lack the reach or the platform, i didn't peg you for being this interaction hungry

Hihihi! You’re clearly very upset that I’ve blocked you for not supporting content creators by reblogging their fics. I’m really sorry that you won’t be able to be a silent follower anymore, but maybe you can check out my ao3 instead if you just want to silently consume content without clicking any buttons.

The reason why I block people who don’t reblog fanfics (as I’ve mentioned a million times before it doesn’t have to be my fanfics, doesn’t even have to be bnha fandom) is because you bring absolutely nothing to fandom or the fandom community. There’s no point you following me, so I just block you to make myself more comfortable.

The people I’ve blocked for being blank blogs or not reblogging content that have messaged me have all been unblocked after supporting writers/artists. And honestly most of them have never reblogged any of my fics, and I’m okay with that… because they’re supporting someone.

There’s gotta be someone on this website that you hold above all else, that whenever they post they put a smile on your face? That bring you comfort when you’re having a bad day? That you actively look at their page first, like a morning newspaper or you think of randomly throughout the day like “oh, this was in ____’s fic,” … you don’t even want to support your most favourite author/artist?

It’s nothing to do with my “reach” or my “platform”. I’m a nerdy woman who reads and writes fanfic in my spare time, not David Attenborough. But regardless of whether I have 1 follower or 100,000 followers I, like every other creator that posts their stuff online (musicians, artists, writers, even fucking tiktokers) want feedback on my work! Even if it’s just an empty reblog or a quick comment ��that was great” “good job” it means so much more than a like on a fic.

We’ve spoken about this before on tumblr but the like to reblog ratios on fanfics (and other content) is laughable. A fic with 5000 notes might only have 200 reblogs and 5 comments, and the lack of feedback will result in the creator wondering if it was even worth posting, if it’s even worth them posting again.

This is the reason why people stop creating, and it’s not just in the fanfic community. What do you think happens when your favourite musicians music flops, or your favourite TV show doesn’t bring in the ratings? People stop making, they stop producing. It’s the same shit with fanfics.

The fanfiction that you’re so mindlessly consuming takes time and effort. There’s a real person behind the screen gifting you their piece of art for free, and you don’t have time to click a button?

I’ve said it before, and I’ll continue to say it. I’m incredibly lucky I have the friends and followers that I do on this website, people that comment on my fics and reblog with the loveliest tags. Even the ones that are too shy to interact with me, I see your usernames in my notifs whenever you reblog something. But I know a lot of friends and followers do not get that same luxury, there are writers who pour their heart and soul into writing on here and get no likes, no reblogs and no comments. But people like you are reading and enjoying their fics.

How many times have you wished you got a part two to a fic? Or a new fic from an author who stopped writing? I know for people like you it’s easy to click out and just find something else to read, but I’ve lost some of my favourite authors on here because people like you won’t even click a button.

I deserve interaction, all the other creators on here deserve interaction.

TL;DR — You’re selfish, and I don’t want you following me💕

[bucksfucks]

an indefinite hiatus ♥︎

hey friends, to start let me just say that i will summarize all of my rambling at the end so you can just scroll down to it, besties.

before i begin, i just want to say thank you to each and every single person who has ever liked, reblogged, read, or interacted with this blog. this has been a wonderful chapter of my life and i don’t think i can put into words how meaningful all of our interactions have been!

i’ve had this blog for almost 2 years, but i have been on tumblr since 2014, so too fucking long one could argue. basically, tumblr has become a very large part in my life (YIKES). so i’ll try to put into words how i feel:

i am exhausted, drained, and completely and utterly burnt out.

there was a time where i could pump out stories after stories while answering asks and doing au days while juggling everything else, but i no longer have the mental energy for that. and it is to no one’s fault but my own—i did this to myself.

as many of you know, i’m a graduate student. i’m at the end of my masters and truthfully, i have no fucking idea what i want to do after. i haven’t decided if i can manage a phd (or if it’s worth it) or if i want to take time off or jump right into a job.

but what i do know, is that i need a break.

before august of 2021, i was really active on this blog and i think many of you remember those days and truth be told…i miss being able to be on here as much as i once was!

in all honesty, i’ve hit a creative roadblock. i love bucky barnes and i love marvel, just not like before. something shifted a little while back and i haven’t felt inspired to write something i enjoyed.

i took a bit of a break a few weeks ago and before that, i wasn’t on here very much at all. that felt nice. it was refreshing and something that i clearly and very desperately needed.

i also realized that i want to do more than write pure smut. now please let me clarify; i love writing filthy and sinful things. but i want to explore other areas such as character and world building. so, maybe that’s something i’ll pursue after some time as well.

WHAT’S HAPPENING TO FAKING IT?

this is a story that i really like writing and while i cannot PROMISE to update it….any updates will be done on my a03.

this leads me into the next point: what’s happening to the blog and my writing?

this blog will NOT go anywhere. it will remain up and i will NOT take down any of my stories (though i will transfer them slowly onto my a03). that being said, please do not copy, save or plagiarize any of my work in my absence.

i might come back, though, most likely not on here. if i do, it will be under a new blog and if you happen to find me later on i promise you’ll know it’s me.

masterlist | masterlist ii. | my a03

to finish…i guess i’ve been feeling this way for a really long time, but i’ve been desperately holding onto this blog for some unknown reason. this is my safe space and i always knew that i could come back, but today, i got a sign that it was time.

please remember to protect your mental health first. take time for you and focus on yourself always. i want everyone to know that i have loved being besties with anyone and everyone who interacted with me. i mean it. so many of you are such wonderful, genuine people with hearts so big it makes me feel like the luckiest person on the internet.

this is becoming too long for no reason other than i’m a virgo. so. let me wrap this up real quick <<3

TL;DR — i’m blipping out. nothing will be deleted. i may come back (not on this blog). i’ll always be a slut for bucky. i love u all oh so very much. thank you for absolutely everything.

i would tag mutuals but…that feels weird. idk. i have this weird idea in my head that i’m a burden (something i need to work on) so if you’re seeing this and you’re my mutual…lots of forehead kisses for you!

side note: this is oddly something i’m struggling to do. to leave this blog—i’m hesitating. but i know i need to do this. so here i am, ripping off the bandaid.

much much love,

nora.

[merry-pitchmas]

Pitchmas 2022

Welcome to the seventh annual Merry Pitchmas Gift Exchange!!

Right, I’m sure most of you are used to this speech by now, so here’s a tl;dr, but for those of you that are new or need a refresh, check under the cut!

TL;DR:

Reply to this post to take part. Reblogs will not be included.

November 25th is the cut off date to sign up.

Posting begins on December 24th - not a day before! And you have to have your gift finished by the end of December.

You don’t need money to take part - just a dash of creativity and the drive to want to do something.

Manips, videos, fanfic, and comics are just a few examples of the things you can do!

All pairings are welcome, but I strongly encourage all participants to ANONYMOUSLY message the person they have to ask questions about which they might prefer.

TURN ON YOUR ANONS. I’ve gotten to the point where if your ask box is not set to allow anon questions and your Secret Santa cannot contact you, I won’t be trying to get in touch - I’ll just remove you from the exchange. So please, even if you’re sure anon asks are already allowed, double check. If you’re not sure HOW to do that, google is your friend.

If you change your name between now and the posting date, please send me a message to let me know. I will not be trying to track people down again this year.

Please don’t leave someone hanging. If you have no intention of doing anything and just want someone to do something for you, don’t reply. It’s not fair. (And I’m always looking for volunteers who will write for anyone that gets missed!)

HAVE FUN.

See you all soon!

~ Red.

Okay, so... how does this work?

If you would like to take part in the gift exchange, please REPLY to this post. Reblog all you want, but you won’t be included in the draw unless you reply. That’s just the easiest way for me to keep track of people. I’ll let this post circulate until November 25th. After that, I’ll chuck all the names in a hat and randomly assign Secret Santas. Once you have your person, feel free to contact them (anonymously - this is supposed to be a secret) and ask any questions about what they might like in a gift. Pairings, favourite tropes, etc. Which brings me to another biggie:

To anyone who wants to take part in this, please change your ask settings to allow anonymous questions!!!

Every year I have quite a few people come to me telling me they can’t ask their giftee questions because of this. That means I have to try to get a hold of them, which slows the process down for everyone and drives me to drink. I’ve gotten to the point where if your ask box is not set to allow anon questions and your Secret Santa cannot contact you, I won’t be trying to get in touch - I’ll just remove you from the exchange.

So please, even if you’re sure anon asks are already allowed, double check. If you’re not sure HOW to do that, google is your friend. 

Posting Date.

You can post your finished pieces starting December 24th. Please don’t post before this and please make sure your gift is posted by the end of December. Once the 24th rolls around, you can reveal yourself as your person’s Secret Santa by posting/scheduling your creation on your blog and @/tagging the person. Also, please tag your entry with #merry pitchmas 2022 so that I can find them all and combine them into a master post once everyone has posted.

“But I don’t have any money!”

You don’t need money for this! No, dear friends, all you need is some time and your imagination. You see, this exchange is all about getting creative. Your gifts can be fanfiction, fanart, gifsets, manips, and anything else that falls under the header of fanworks.

What pairings are accepted?

All pairings are welcome. However, please make a point of contacting your giftee if you aren’t sure which pairings they enjoy.

Also!

If you change your blog name at all over the next two months PLEASE let me know. It’s really, really difficult to hunt people down if you don’t. I put a lot of work into making a list of who has who and that gets completely effed up if User007 has changed their name to ButtercupPony85. Again, I have reached a point where I will not be combing through tags and blogs looking for people.

In closing!

This is all about having fun. 

You know what isn’t fun? Putting time and effort into giving someone a gift, only to not receive one yourself. Every time I’ve done this previously, there have been people who have said yes to taking part who have gotten their gift and then not followed through in giving theirs. Refused to reply to messages and left someone without anything. Luckily, there are some lovely, wonderful people who offer to help out and dedicate even more of their time to coming up with something for those people.

PLEASE DO NOT SAY YES IF YOU AREN’T PLANNING ON HOLDING UP YOUR END OF THIS.

It’s not fair.

If you aren’t going to be able to finish your gift in time, or at all, please let me know. That way I can contact the person you have and let them know it’ll be late or arrange for something else to be done for them.

Speaking of…

Once again, I’ll be looking for volunteers I can hit up in the event that some people get missed and need replacement gifts. If you’re interested, shoot me a message on this blog. I’ll love you forever.

Remember!

This is all about having fun!! I started this so that everyone could have a good time in the fandom around the holiday season. So that people who may be headed towards a rough holiday season or who might not get gifts elsewhere will have something to look forward to and something to work on during what can either be a really great or really tough time of the year.

See you all soon!

~Red

[aureutr]

What’s going on in the dinluke fandom? I heard about people being upset about Luke being feminine in the pairing and… chopped it up to “oh, just curate what content you see-“ but I keep seeing people bring up racism and xenophobia and I’m so lost… it’s like I log out for a day or two and the world explodes

Oh, anon. You don’t even want to know. Just pick out the people you want to follow and block the others (even if I’m one of them). But I’ll try to sum up the issue as fairly as I can, though I have my own opinions and this will hardly be unbiased.

And I’ll also say up top that, if y’all don’t want to listen to what I have to say (I guess understandable because I’m One of the Bads, apparently), then at least read this post (not mine) about fandom in general. There are so many babies being thrown out right now.

First, a tl;dr, with admittedly less “fairness” than I’ll expand upon later because I’m mixing opinions in here

Some people think that Pedro Pascal being Latine/Latinx automatically makes him a person of color despite him being very white and also vocally identifying as such

Some people feel that this makes any “bad guy” alternate interpretations of Din Djarin inherently racist

Some people think that tagging is poorly done or purposefully ignored to “trick” people into reading content they are uncomfortable with

Some people feel that Luke being the common fandom bottom and sometimes being depicted in dresses or other gender non-conforming ways is problematic and/or feel uncomfortable with said portrayal

Some people think that the correct way to “drive away” creators whose content they dislike (or whom associate with people whose content they dislike) is to be “loud and mean” to “get rid of them”

So let’s break that down further (again, as fairly as I possibly can). I will be referring to specific people here and there, but none by name. And admittedly, I talk a lot about my own opinions and actions (though I don’t know what else I could do?). Also this is LONG.

First, a disclaimer. I’m a mod in the Star Dads Dinluke Discord server. This does NOT give me a position of authority in fandom, and the opinions stated in here are solely my own. This topic is welcome to be discussed in said server (though, admittedly, we did push the most recent Tumblr blow-up into a thread so those who don’t want to engage can easily avoid it). The one thing that isn’t allowed is active disparagement of individuals.

We’ve put a lot of work into building up a community the last few months, and learned a lot of lessons from the previous Boots & Beskar server in ways to proactively manage content to make things as comfortable for as many people as possible. That’s beyond the scope of this post to detail, however. We also do not consider ourselves “THE Dinluke Server”, just one of them.

Racism/Xenophobia

This hinges upon the idea that Pedro Pascal is a person of color. Therefore, if Din does something bad or evil, like act as the aggressor in a noncon story, the action is inherently racist. This ends up painting a lot of actions with a very broad brush. It is easy to go “I don’t like this portrayal of someone whose actor I feel is a person of color therefore it must be inherently racist to portray them as such.”

And it’s very easy to go “oh, this is racist? I don’t want to be racist, so I should be against it!” Especially on Tumblr, the home of quickly reblogging things without full context. Most people are good and want to treat people with kindness. If those of us in the US have learned anything over… our country’s entire history, it’s not enough to just be “not racist” but we need to be actively anti-racist.

That being said, I disagree that “dark” portrayals of Din are inherently racist in the first place. That does not come from nowhere. As I mentioned in another post, my response the first time I saw this perspective was to find as many Latine/Latinx voices as I could and listen to them. I know that it is not possible to be “just not racist” in an inherently racist society, and that to be anti-racist is to listen and learn when you hear that something may be hurtful. Some of these voices were anonymous individuals reaching out to me, some are people whose names I know but will not be sharing. Some enjoyed “dark” content, some could not stand it and thought it was revolting.

No demographic is a monolith and no individual can speak for the entirety of their own. But the vast majority of people I have listened to and spoken with on this specific issue have come away with “White Latine/Latinx people have an extremely different lived experience than those of color.” Pedro Pascal has taken great pains to explicitly state that he fully identifies as a white Latino, and to dismiss his personal racial and ethnic identity because of one’s personal discomfort with fandom is… pretty fucking gross, I’m not going to lie!

I’m not going to sit here and argue that there is never racism in fandom. There often is, especially amongst fans, but the frenzy whipped up because a handful of people have Declared This is Racist is solving and will solve nothing.

I believe that the majority of people taking a stand “against racism in Dinluke” have good hearts and good intentions. I think that it is difficult to effect change out in meatspace, and so it becomes tempting to try to make waves where you think you will be heard. But when this is done based on little evidence (and at least a little shouting over top of Latine/Latinx voices, as we saw this past weekend), then we’re not effecting good change. This is also an approach that extremely centers US people and our sensibilities about racism.

But I also know that there are a few people out there, not many, who are just latching onto the “racist” label because they don’t enjoy one thing or another and want to tear it down. They are disingenuous and move the goalposts or change the topic entirely when confronted with even the softest suggestion that they might not be entirely in the right. They know how easy it is to get people on their side by making a claim of racism, and whether they do it on purpose or not, that’s fandom poison.

Tagging

The short summation of this issue is that there are tags some feel are “code tags” for dark content and that tagging is sometimes inaccurate. The implication is that creators do this on purpose to trick people into reading things that will upset them. In light of this, there was a post this weekend that was “definitely not a call out post even though [they] named names” that was, purportedly aimed at helping people identify dark content.

I’m not going to pretend tagging is perfect. It’s not, and it will never be because humans are imperfect. While tagging is a courtesy, it’s a common courtesy the way not spitting on the sidewalk is a common courtesy. Therefore I think that, as a creator, it’s important to be willing to listen to and accept polite requests for additional tags. I spend a lot of time carefully considering tags and additional warnings in my works (even and especially the ones that are not “dark”), but sometimes even that’s not enough. Personally, I’m always willing to update tags if I missed something obscure. We’re only human.

However, that only goes to polite requests for tagging. I’ve seen a lot of noise about tags that “should be” innocuous like “Cinnamon Roll Luke Skywalker” (which, as of this writing, there are precisely 32 Dinluke fics with that tag, hardly the purported “flood”) being “code tags” and like… that’s not even a thing. Authors want to tag accurately not only to help protect readers but so that their intended audience can find their work! I have no way to know this, but it feels to me like a group chat got carried away with the concept of “code tags” to the point where they fully convinced themselves that it was a thing.

Tags are a tool for you to use to curate your experiences. I think it’s a horrible event if a creator misses one and that results in someone being triggered, but it doesn’t make the act malicious. It makes it a mistake, an oversight, one that can be corrected by coming together in a constructive way. I have made this point many times before.

I will also say that I deeply resent the way the tagging topic is playing out, not because there’s not a problem (we can make it smaller but, again, not perfect) but because it groups everyone who has ever participated in dark content into a strange monolith. Like, the argument about “Dead Dove Do Not Eat” not being enough on its own has some merit, sure. But it is another sign to be on your guard. And only one person ever has made the argument otherwise (though I think they were responding quickly and with more forethought would have said something different). And yet, every time this comes up now, every single person who has ever participated in dark content is accused of holding this opinion. Or that we’re intentionally leaving stuff untagged to trick people. 

This generalization is flat out not true, and as someone who takes triggers very seriously and works hard to accommodate people as well as I can, frankly, it’s hurtful. I know that was the goal of some people and, well, mission accomplished, I guess.

In the end, no single tag can exist in a vacuum. You, as a reader, are responsible for reading and considering every tag (and author’s notes, as authors sometimes expand on potential triggers that only apply to single chapters instead of the whole work) in order to keep yourself safe. I, and honestly just about everyone, are more than happy to expand on our list of “default tags” when someone points out something new. We’ll touch on that again in a bit.

I have also had a conversation with someone complaining about “neutral” tags being mixed in with dark ones and like…that’s what the Exclude Tags option is for. Their response was “I shouldn’t have to do that.”

Yes. You should. You are not entitled to a uniquely curated experience with no work on your part. You can reach out for help to make it better, sure, but you have to put in some effort.

Feminine Luke

This got brought up in response to my post I mentioned above in a roundabout way. The short version (as I understand it) is that some people, especially queer men, dislike the feminization of men in MLM fanworks. At least one person has decided Dinluke is not for them based on this discomfort.

I have said before, and will continue to say, that no one is wrong for feeling a certain way, only for how they act on it.

This didn’t sit well with me, but I’m not a queer man so I said nothing for a long while. It was not until I spoke to other queer men, nonbinary people, and trans men on the issue that I made up my mind. Disavowing feminized fictional men entirely and dogpiling on people who enjoy it isn’t an answer (and to be clear, the person I mentioned above who disliked the tropes is not dogpiling on anyone). That runs the risk of veering hard into cisnormativity if not outright transphobia. There are a million ways to handle gender identity, some of which will make some uncomfortable while at the same time affirming and lifting up others. There is not a correct way to do gender.

But what we can do is identify it better (tags, again!). I, personally, am determined to tag any content that has Luke in a dress or something similar with “gender non-conforming/gnc Luke Skywalker” (or “gender non-conforming/gnc Din Djain” but that’s nowhere near as common). Here and on AO3. And, hey, if people really enjoy those takes then that will make them easier to find, too.

I don’t think that’s the end of the issue, but it’s what I could think of to do to make people more comfortable. I’m not really sure what else to say about the point that isn’t covered in the first post I linked at the beginning — who gets to decide who Is and Isn’t allowed to write about certain things? Where’s the line?

This Past Weekend and What Can We Do?

(TW: DESCRIPTIONS OF DEATH THREATS IN FIRST TWO PARAGRAPHS, YES REALLY)

Regardless of intentions, there was a post last weekend that kicked off an intense round of hatred and bullying. I do not use those words lightly. Before I went scorched earth, I saw active calls to get meaner and meaner, and literal wishes/threats of physical harm. Most of the latter were in tags, including “I wish all dark content creators would drop dead”, “I hope [Specific Creator] chokes”, and my absolute favorite “If you put Luke in a dress I will kill you.”

I’m not going to get into a blow-by-blow because, frankly, I blocked everyone even tangentially related to the issue and stopped following along after that last threat. I’m sure I caught some people in blocks unfairly, and I might reconsider those, but when we get to making threats to real people over fictional characters, that’s when I drop out.

There were also a lot of disingenuous arguments or points that were meant well but not articulated fairly, to the point where it felt pointless to even start to say anything back. I made one untagged post on my own blog, got one vaguely bad faith anon ask about it, then a bunch of actual anon hate before I turned off anon for a few days. I don’t even want to know how bad it would have been if I hadn’t done that. So, there hasn’t been a lot from the “other side.” I guess that’s what this post is, but to be honest, I really don’t want to be a voice for a given argument. I want to make fanworks, prop up a community (Star Dads), and give a heads up (tags) so that people can avoid my stuff if they want. But it also feels shitty not to say anything directly.

I have lost so much respect for people whose work I used to enjoy and that makes me sad. There has never been what I can consider a good faith hand reaching out for a dialogue. The closest I have ever had was in a round of DMs months back with someone I thought was kind and a friend. We laid out our sides (mine was that supporting better tagging was all that was reasonable because otherwise where does one draw the line?), had what I thought was a very amicable conversation, and then a week later, I was blocked. I later found out they were claiming that they tried to start a dialogue but no one wanted to. I think that interaction is the one that hurt the most. And I’m aware I’ve centered myself pretty hard in the last couple of paragraphs, but it seems relevant.

So, how does a fandom move forward from something like this? Some will say that the only way is for anyone who likes “dark” stuff to disappear from it, but that’s just not going to happen. Even if everyone who currently writes it gives up and goes away, there will be others.

Dark content is an inherent part of fandom because it is an inherent part of fiction. People explore their their trauma, the taboo, and the just plain weird in all sorts of ways. No one has to enjoy any of it, and while it is kind to tag hard sometimes things slip through. That doesn’t make anyone’s hurt over a missing tag any less important, but it should make it more understandable.

(TW brief mention of DV in next paragraph)

Personally, I put a lot of things I’m uncomfortable with in my work. I don’t like choking, sexual or otherwise, due to past DV but I’ve written a bad guy choking a good guy nearly to the point of passing out. It was awful to write, painful to edit, but the correct choice for the scene. I think the story is better for it. I bring it up because it’s a relatively “innocent” form of trauma. You would have never known I was assaulted if I had not just told you, and frankly, I resent that I felt the need to share it publicly at all.

No one should have to perform their trauma for you before being allowed to write about it. No one. Nor is trauma the only valid reason to write about something. I have mentioned elsewhere that my primary (though not only) interest in dark sexual content is my interest in BDSM, which I won’t go over in detail again here.

Again, What Can We Do?

The best that can be done, in my opinion, is constructive conversations around tagging (instead of the bizarre blame game that happened last weekend). I think underage content is disgusting and would never read it, but I think that teens should be allowed to write high school AUs that include first times. I don’t ship Vader/Luke or Luke/Leia, but since it’s fictional, I really don’t care if others do. I don’t read hyper-violent torture fics, but the idea that they exist doesn’t bother me.

I sometimes wonder if Dinluke is people’s literal first fandom because a lot of this is stuff that’s been argued about ad nauseum for literal decades. Our tools have gotten better (AO3), but there’s always someone who wants everyone to follow their personal sensibilities. Sometimes, they have somewhat of a point and we can adjust around it, most of the time the purported line is arbitrary. I do not get to decide what is Acceptable or Unacceptable, and neither do you. All we can do is mark it to help each other navigate the content.

We should all be capable of admitting that not everything is for us, and sometimes we have to do some legwork to find things that are.

And while you should always take accusations of racism seriously (even if they’re worded cruelly), not every accusation is accurate even if it is well-meant. Center the voices of people actually affected by a given issue instead of your own if you are not in the relevant demographic (even if you are a visible minority in another sense).

If you want to take an ACTUAL stand against racism, consider donating to a local mutual aid fund. Local action is the most effective in combating real world inequity. If you cannot afford to donate money, consider donating your time instead. Or, if you are a content creator, consider a charity commission slot where the proceeds go somewhere worthwhile. I leave it to you to decide what mission you find worthwhile.

I realize that sounds very “kumbaya let’s all come together” but there is really no other way to co-exist. And refusing to do so and trying to chase people out will never work long-term. I’ll continue to do my best to tag and indicate where my work might be upsetting, dark or not (btw, on Tumblr I try to do individual tags but all of my dark content is tagged with “tw dark content” filter once and it’s gone). I know several others who will do the same. I will not bow to outside pressure to stop writing because others dislike it, they don’t have to read it and I've put a lot of effort into making sure they can't accidentally stumble on it. I’ll keep propping up the community I volunteer my time to because I enjoy it and I think it’s a net positive.

What about a Dialogue?

I wish we could have one. I hope we can, in the future. But right now there’s no way. Not until things die down and people decide to come at this with calmer heads. I’m turning off replies on this post and, once again, turning off my anon ask box. If my relatively innocuous opinions in my last post about this got a bunch of hate, I can only imagine how bad this one will be.

I don’t like thinking that. I want to believe the best of people. But I was proven extremely wrong recently, and I’m not ready to trust again. All I ask is that, especially if you have disagreed with me in the past or personally dislike me, try to keep an open mind. Even if you don’t change your mind in the end, entertain the concept at least in private.

But What Can We Do Right Now?

Make more of what you want to see. Seriously. If you're self conscious about your abilities, I get it, but make it shitty on purpose. The next draft can improve it. There are so many unfilled niches in Dinluke, find yours and fill it.

You just might find out that you have a blast with it and make some new friends.

[what-yadoking-likes]

Sooooo since we clearly established that you’re a wolf/hox shipper, I wanted to know if you got any other (payday) shippings going on and if we might see some in “The Cell” any time in the future?

Also what’s your personal take on Wolf and Jacket having a “father-son”-like-relationship?

BAHAHA 'since we clearly established that you're a wolf/hox shipper' LOL is that a read?? /jk

Okay SO OTHER PAIRINGS YOU SAYYYY... o h b o i

Well, when I first started out in this fandom I was a fan of Sokol/Dallas (MasterGrinder). I've always been a fan of age-difference relationships and, well, the fact that they're both extremely handsome men doesn't hurt. Another thing that drew me to this pairing was how the dynamic would work in practice - Dallas being the crew chief, the one who has to keep shit together, and Sokol being younger and probably hornier and being more likely to throw a spanner in the works of whatever carefully-laid plan Dallas had. Oh, and let's not forget @neomineom's insane fanart of the two - that really, uhh, got me into it. I also have an in-progress-on-hiatus fic where they have a first date together and Sokol gets jacked off in a jacuzzi.

Nowadays though, I'm way more likely to imagine Dallas with Bain (MasterGuide or NaviMind). I have a fair few ideas floating around for them already and some in-progress-on-hiatus Tumblr ficlets that are mostly PWPs that somehow became something bigger (kinda like The Cell L M A O ) - not to mention the odd fic on AO3 with them as the main pairing.

I think... again, they're both handsome dudes. And I see them as having a lot in common - Dallas finding it harder to feel connected with the crew as he takes on this role as crew chief - Bain deliberately putting distance between him and the gang as a whole to ensure their safety. But... doesn't this all sound very lonely? So I like to imagine they'd stave off that gnawing loneliness by being together - in secret, mind, so that when Bain gets kidnapped it gets extra juicy and ANGSTY (or I just AU it and Bain doesn't die or get reincarnated).

I’ve... dropped some hints about MasterGuide in The Cell, but it hasn’t been anything super obvious or really worth tagging. In a perfect world I would love to write more stuff with them as the main focus... but I just don’t know if I have time between work, adulting, other creative pursuits, AND finishing one of the two novels I began like two/three years ago in the hopes of getting published. So... never say never I guess?

Now I figure if I keep going on like this for every pairing we’ll be here all day, so I’ll try to give the TL;DR version of the next few (but feel free to Ask me about them another time if you want to know more!).

Sokol/Jacket (Socket) - all that aggression! All that violence! Not typically an enemies-to-lovers fan but here we are.

Wolf/Dallas (MasterTech) - nyaaw crime daddies!

Dallas/Hoxton (MasterFugitive) - angsty potential re: imprisonment, and also handsome menses :3

Jacket/Vlad (UkrainianChicken) - a meme pairing I conceived of when trying to think of who would make the most chaotic pairing in the Payday universe.

Vlad/Locke (GolfGoat) - started as a meme pairing now kinda like it ngl LOL, even the contractors need love! Plus they contrast with one another really well and would be very fun.

I’ve probably missed some out here but oh well. ON TO YOUR 2ND QUESTION.

Wolf and Jacket as having a father/son relationship... well that makes the fics about them a bit raunchier ngl!

I think for me I find it hard to see Jacket as having a role of a leader in any way, shape or form. I feel that a father is a kind of leader or role model and I’m not sure if that’s Jacket’s vibe, I guess. I will say though that my perception of fathers is grim at best due to my own experiences, so there may be something I’m missing here. I’d be open to hearing other people’s thoughts about it, for sure.

I do, however, see the two as sharing a bond because they’re both perceived of as being the most unstable/unhinged in the Payday gang. A kind of ‘nobody understands us and that’s awesome’ vibe.

[hanniiesuckle17]

Blue Skies Chpt 3: The Mexican Standoff

A/n: I know the title is hella weird so imma just drop a definition for yall. Mexican standoff- a confrontation in which neither party stands any chance of victory. (also this is not edited so sorryyy) Tag List is open <3

Tag List: @woodiegochile @mini-meanhoe @leggomylino @hanstagrams @desertofdessert @hoes4hoseok @jeonqqin @geminirules @mrsunshine999 @jisungsjheekies @hannie-squirrel00​ @cotccotc​ @kodzu-ken​ @konenichi​ @yangs-jeongin​ @binniebutter​ @orangegyu​ @little-precious-baby ​

Blue Skies TL: @etherealyoonghwa​ ​

Summary: Y/n and Hongjoong were only acquaintances in college. They were on the same dance team but never crossed paths until one day both took notice of the other. One magical night after a party resulted in Y/n leaving with a guilty and angry conscious and surprisingly a blue stick. Three years later, Hongjoong is a hit producer and Y/n is a successful single mom. What happens when their paths cross yet again?

☁

Hongjoong’s POV

The three of us walked down the street, hands shoved in out pockets. Yunho’s little brother had told him about this awesome bar he had been to the other night and now the six foot man was dragging both San and myself all the way to Sangsu-dong just to go to ‘The Tipsy Devil Pub’.

“You guys are so slow. Come one!” The giant bellowed, already several steps ahead of San and me.

The red neon sign glowed in the night. It was hard not to smile seeing the cheeky devil design illuminating the street below it. “This place better have amazing food.” San groaned as Yunho pushed open the door excitedly. A buzz of volume leaked out of the pub.

“It’s not like you’re going to eat it. You’re on a diet.” I said with a laugh.

“It could be my cheat day. You don’t control me.”

As we entered the establishment my ears were greeted with a familiar sound. The door shut behind me and I watched my two friends ahead take in the dimly lit and packed bar. From the speakers my song drifted over the heads of everyone in the room. 

Blue skies don’t stay when yours is the only smile in my mind

Lips on mine.

Legs entwined.

Little Miss Blue Skies will never see the sunrise.

Not with me.

Little Miss Blue Skies,

Come back to me.

Yunho smiled turning around to face me. His long finger point up as if gesturing to sound waves in the air. “Dude! They are playing Blue Skies!” I nodded, getting my own look around the bar. 

“You think if we are with him we can get free drinks?” San suggested, pushing to the back of the bar. A row of booths lined the wall, a maroon velvet covering the seats. 

“If you can afford that Chanel belt, you can afford your own martinis.”

“That’s offensive,” San paused, not bother to look back at me. “You know I drink Daiquiries.”

Yunho scoffed, sliding his long legs into the curved booth. “Like that’s any better.” I sat on the outside of the seat- my eyes scanning the crowded venue. My eyes fell on a certain figure sitting at the bar. 

He was a pretty lanky guy, but his features were soft and very attractive. One arm of his was wrapped around a young boy who couldn’t be much older than three. The boy sat in the stool next to the man, feet dangling over the edge. 

A nudge to my shoulder brought me back to the conversation which apparently had moved on without me. San tilted his head as if to ask what I was looking at. Not really knowing how to justify the fact I was looking at a three year old, I just pointed to the bar. 

“Who the fuck brings a child to a bar?” The handsome man scoffed, tossing a cashew into the air and catching it with his mouth. He grabbed another handful from the bowl on the table. Guess today was his cheat day.

Yunho followed where my gaze led and pouted his lips a little. “Oh- Gunho, told me about that. Apparently that’s one of the owner’s kid. Sometimes if they can’t find a sitter I guess one of their friends at the bar watches him.”

“So that’s his dad? The owner?” I asked, pointing to the good-looking man at the bar. 

My friend shook his head, stealing some nuts from San. “He said his mom runs the bar with her friend. I think she’s single.” He looked around all the moving bodies in the space before pointing to a woman behind the bar. She was turned away from us, but she gave off an aura that sent chills down my spine in a good way. 

“Single moms aren’t usually your type, hyung.” San laughed, flagging down a waitress to order some drinks. Tearing my eyes away from the girl’s back I turned to my friend, brows raised and questioning his teasing tone. 

“Hongjoong’s type are usually the ones who leave,” Yunho struggled to say without laughing. Seeing my glare he chose to sip on a glass of water. “I could have said you like psycotic bitches..... It’s really a toss up between the two.” 

I rolled my eyes, thanking the waitress and she handed us our drinks. After a few rounds of some random drink in a rocks glass (Never again was I going to let San order for me), I felt a tug on my sleeve. 

Thinking some drunk stranger just bumped into me I paid it no mind. Feeling a harder pull I turned, vision not quite keeping up with the speed of my body. Once my brain could decipher through the alcoholic daze I saw the little boy from before. 

“Hey, bud,” I put down my drink and saw that Yunho had a goofy smile on his face looking at the kid. Should have known the gentle giant liked kids. “Can I help you?” 

The toddler looked up at me with big curious eyes. “What’s your name?” The boy asked in choppy words. My brother had a daughter and she talked like that around this age. I smiled, leaning over to better speak with him.

“My name is Kim Hongjoong. What’s yours bud?”

The little boy smiled, revealing a toothy grin. “Mr. Kim you look like my daddy!” 

I blinked a couple times attempting to process what the young child just declared. The other two men with me froze as well. “Hyung- is there something you need to tell us?” San stuttered, looking from the boy to me. 

“I-I... I don’t think so....I haven’t had a girlfriend since.....”

“Blue Skies- we know.” Yunho interrupted. “Maybe you just look like the guy?”

I nodded, trying to convince myself that Yunho’s suggestion was probably the most likely one. There was probably a ninety percent chance I looked like the kid’s father. Wetting my now dry lips I said, “H-how do you know? Where’s your dad?”

The boy shrugged, completely oblivious to the panic on my face as most kids would be. “My daddy isn’t here, but my mommy showed me a picture of them together.” He stumbled over some of the bigger words and if I wasn’t freaking the fuck out I would have found it cute. “My daddy had dark hair though,” The boy smiled, pointing to my fading blue locks. 

Pushing past the lump growing in my throat I asked the question burning in the back of my slightly inebriated mind. “Where’s your mom?” 

Fully turning around, the little boy pointed to behind the bar where not only the man from before was staring at me, but also a familiar set of E/c eyes. Staring back at me was a face I thought I would never see again. A face I thought I lost. A face that left. 

Y/n. 

She looked just as beautiful if not more than when I remembered her. Unable to stop myself, I stood up trying to see her better from across the crowded room. “Hyung... is that?” Yunho asked, probably not wanting to say her name just in case. 

“Yeah.....that’s her.”

Before I could say anything else or turn back to the boy, a woman sprinted across the bar and scooped up the kid. As she was running towards the bar, the toddler waved at me with a clueless and happy grin. Even if I hadn’t just drank three...whatever San ordered...I don’t think I would have been able to process what happened in those next few seconds. The woman shouted something to Y/n, who nodded not even batting an eye as the in my eyes, kidnapper, rushed out the door with a man who challenged even Yunho’s height. 

Shaking myself out of shock, I pushed through the rowdy mass of intoxicated young people, Yunho and San following me. I never took my eyes off of Y/n, not even when she yelled something to a man coming out the kitchen and bolted towards the exit. 

The second she got to the door I switched directions only to be stopped by the handsome man from the bar and the guy who basically Naruto ran out of the kitchen. 

“Hey! Big fan! I’m Wooyoung,” Naruto said, introducing himself all while keeping me from following Y/n. “I’m one of the owners and I just want to say how honored I am you came tonight. Can I get you a drink?”

“No. I just need to talk to that girl.” 

“Sorry, dude. That’s not gonna happen.” The other guy stated. He obviously wasn’t strong and the owner, Wooyoung was holding me back the most but I got the feeling I didn’t want to mess with this guy. 

I sighed, looking back to Yunho and San who were being absolutely no help. “I just need to fucking talk to her okay!” 

The two shared a look, before the skinnier one turned back to me, shaking his head. He was about to open his mouth and say something when the more excited one interjected. “You know....I can’t let you go talk to her....but for the right price....I’ll give you her number.”

“Woo, you devil spawn.”

“He’s not going to agree to it-”

“Done.”

“Excuse me, what.....” Wooyoung turned away in surprise from the argument he was having with his friend. 

At this point I was desperate. Wooyoung’s eyes turned to saucers as I started pulling out all the cash in my wallet (which was quite a bit). “How much?” The two of the just stood staring at the money in my hand. “Not enough?” I heaved an anxious sight before looking over my shoulder at my friends. “Yunho give me your wallet.” 

Not batting an eye, the tall dancer gave it to me and let me start taking cash out of his billfold. I handed them the thick stack of cash, looking at them expectantly. Slowly, Wooyoung reached out and pocketed the money before speaking again. 

“You know I was just going to ask for a selfie, but that works too.”

Previous Chapter   ☁   Next Chapter

Blue Skies M.List

Masterlist

[jokertrap-ran]

(光与夜之恋 Light and Night) Evan’s 6✩ Inspiration: Umbrae Secrets [繁荫秘语] Date Translation (END 7 + 8: Heart-throb)

"It feels pretty good to have your wish granted by someone else.”

*Light and Night Master-list | Evan’s Personal Masterlist *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Join the Light & Night Discord (＾▽＾)~ ♪ *This 6✩ Inspiration has 8 Endings!! *Reblogs and likes appreciated! *Evan’s tag will be #For Night, For Revolution *Will be taking a short break for one or two days for mental health reasons, so no TLs will be uploaded while I’m gone

✥ Choice: Heart-throb [心动] ✩Light & Night★

After pondering for a while, I finally decided to…

✩ E7 LIGHT: Rest here ✩

MC: The view's pretty nice. How about we rest here for a while?

Evan: Sure. Let's sit here then.

I followed Evan and seated myself atop a rock by the river and gave a good big stretch, easing the tension out of my slightly sore hips and legs.

The vegetation around us was a little sparser now, and the golden sunlight fell upon us in mottled spots. The river had crystal clear water. The sunlight pierced through the waves, leaving shimmering gold patterns that wavered along with the current of the river.

There were occasional grey shadows that darted through the water. I excitedly patted Evan's arm to catch his attention the moment I saw it.

MC: Look! There are fish in the river!

Evan: There's quite a bit of them. Those look like striped bass.

MC: They're so big…

Staring at the plump and juicy-looking fishes, I suddenly became acutely aware of the snarling abyss that was my stomach as it slowly woke back up.

I never expected to get hungry just from that short trek.

Those fishes would be delicious steamed! Add soy sauce, a little wine to taste, and the meat will become tender and succulent, absolutely flavorful...

But it would also be equally good braised! Deep fry it first, then add soybean sauce, Sichuan pepper and star anise to spice it up. Then add water to let the sauce soak in, producing a flavourful, mouthwatering, aroma!

I couldn't help but swallow in anticipation. I guiltily cast a glance at Evan, hoping that he didn't notice my guilty inward musings of a glutton.

Evan: Don't tell me you're thinking whether this fish would be better braised or steamed?

MC: ??? ...Remove the camera you installed in my brain!

Evan: Why would I need a camera? It's written all over your face.

Evan: It'll be a little hard to steam or braise anything here, but we can try grilling the fish if we have a stove to work with.

Hearing the words "grilled" and "fish", I instantly felt rejuvenated. Gone were my sore hips and aching legs.

I jumped up from the rock I'd been sitting on with a start.

MC: Grilled fish sounds good! I've got the stove! And grills! And seasonings!

Evan: Brilliant.

MC: Then there's only one thing missing… How are we going to catch the fish?

Evan surveyed the area and pondered for a while before speaking.

Evan: There are traces of grilling being done on the ground. Someone must have grilled fish here before.

Evan: We can look around and see if there is any equipment left behind that we can make use of.

MC: Okay!

Evan and I each took one side of the river as we scoured the bank for any items that may be of use.

Soon after, I moved a patch of tall grass aside and lifted something in triumphant joy.

MC: Evan! Look at what I found! A harpoon!

Hearing me call out to him, Evan headed over. He took the rusty harpoon from me and gave it a once over.

Evan: Sharpen it on the rocks and it should be good to go.

MC: Great!

Evan took the harpoon to the rocks and gave it a thorough sanding to get all the rust off. Soon, the once-rusty harpoon regained its sharp, deadly, metallic glint. It looked as primed as ever.

After he was done polishing it up, I excitedly picked it up. Evan looked at me in slight surprise.

Evan: You want to try?

MC: Yeah! Plus, I'm wearing a dress, so I don't have to worry about getting my pant leg wet or anything like that!

Evan took one glance at the way I was brandishing the harpoon, looking ever so eager to try my hand at it, and softened. A helpless yet tender look dyed his orbs.

Evan: Alright, but be careful not to slip.

MC: Right!

I took the harpoon to the river bank and quietly searched for my quarry.

Soon enough, a shadow slid smoothly across the water. But, it had already gotten long out of reach before I had the time to react.

I observed the waters for a while more, familiarizing myself with how the fishes moved.

When another fish appeared, I timed myself, raising the harpoon high and bringing it down hard!

The harpoon jostled the river and disturbed the dirt at the bottom of the riverbed. However, there was no fish in sight when the waters came to a standstill once more. There was only a harpoon, firmly embedded into the riverbed.

MC: Feels like I'm swerving my hits a bit…

A small laugh came from behind as a warm hand enclosed mine, wielding the harpoon together with me. He dislodged it and returned it to my grasp with surprising ease and finesse.

Evan: It's alright. Try again.

Evan: Throw the spearhead further to prevent hurting yourself.

I nodded and took the harpoon. Soon, I took my aim at another incoming fish.

I inwardly encouraged myself: I'll get it this time!

I swung the harpoon and sent it stabbing downward. This time, I felt like I'd hit the target quite accurately!

However, the fish wiggled for a bit beneath my harpoon before speedily making its slippery escape…

MC: *Sigh*...Is it because I'm too weak?

Evan: It's because you hesitated.

MC: Hmm, maybe a little. I suddenly feel a little hesitant to deal the finishing blow when I think of how this harpoon inevitably pierces the fish’s body.

Evan: Reluctance to deal the finishing blow is only normal. How about I do it instead?

A strong wave of reluctance surged up within my heart. I swiftly hid the harpoon behind my back.

MC: Nah. I’ve only tried it twice! Give me a couple more chances and I’ll definitely be able to do it!

Evan: If you say so.

Evan: Then you'll have to be faster, and you'll have to land harder hits than that.

Evan: Or you can think of it as your enemy, or maybe someone you dislike?

MC: Hahaha… Well, about that…

I thought about it seriously for a while, but I couldn’t think of anyone I particularly disliked.

Hence, I looked back at Evan and casually dropped him a question.

MC: I can't really think of any off the top of my head. Do you have anyone you dislike?

Evan was taken aback. His eyes were slightly lowered as if he was hiding some sort of emotion that dwelled within.

I suddenly recalled that we’d come on this trip precisely because something had happened beforehand to make him unhappy. Now, his expression only made me understand it more with stark clarity: yes, he did have someone he disliked...

MC: You don’t have to think about unhappy things! I’m sure that person’s not a good person if they’ve made even you dislike them! I’ll teach them a lesson!

Evan: Why, thank you.

With the harpoon in tow, I returned to the river bank. Reflected in my mind was none other than how Evan had reacted to my earlier question.

Just what sort of issue would trouble someone as strong as him? On that same note, just what sort of person would cause someone as powerful as him to become this restless and uneasy?

Then, a fish slowly swam into my line of sight. And it was precisely with this sort of mood that I raised the harpoon high in the air, sending it plummeting downward without a moment’s hesitation!

However, the sudden force I’d flung it down with made me lose balance as I went down with it. I felt my waist move backwards from the force as my feet slipped from beneath me...

MC: Uwah!

Splash!

Water splashed in all directions as I slipped right into the river...

Evan: !!

Fortunately, this river wasn’t deep and only reached my waist. Evan swiftly support me as I stood up.

Evan: Are you alright?

MC: I'm fine… my butt's just a little sore… Ow…

Evan: Slowly.

He supported me back to sit on the rock. I looked down to inspect myself. My dress was soaked and dripping water everywhere.

I gathered my dress and wrung out a load of water from it. Ah, how I’ve screwed up...

Evan: Does it hurt anywhere else?

I gathered my hair together in slight embarrassment as I shook my head.

After ensuring that I was not injured in any way or manner, Evan moved to light the stove by my feet. He then removed his jacket and placed it over my lap.

Evan: Be careful not to catch a cold.

My stomach gave a loud rumble in protest the moment he finished. I quickly covered it in embarrassment.

Evan: Alright. Let me procure our lunch.

MC: I'll have to trouble you with it then…

Evan: It's no trouble at all.

Evan removed his glasses, rolled up his sleeves, and picked up my abandoned harpoon on the river bank.

Wrapping his jacket around myself, I looked up at him curiously.

I wonder what the CEO of Warson, ever dignified and well put-together, would look like brandishing a harpoon of steel?

❖☆———————————★❖

Just as I was thinking about that, Evan suddenly went rigid; and I, in turn, watched him with bated breath.

His gaze seemed to be transfixed on a particular fish. His dark red eyes narrowed with intent as the light in his orbs instantly turned to a cold glint; one as sharp as a deadly blade.

He raised the harpoon, the muscles on his arms and chest rippling as they made themselves known in their usage and exuded a raw, primal, sense of power.

The sun's rays glinted off the sharp blade of the harpoon, reflecting the cold light of the forest.

I watched him in a daze. It was almost as if I was watching a formidable and ruthless beast at work after having set eyes on its prey.

I'd rarely seen Evan with such an expression on his face. A thought suddenly popped into my head out of nowhere.

Maybe this was how Evan had always dealt with his enemies; swift and ruthless.

Then, the harpoon flashed through the waters as quick as lightning.

Water splashed everywhere as a muffled thud sounded. Evan had made his quarry, no doubt.

❖☆———————————★❖

With another slosh, the harpoon was withdrawn from the waters. A huge fish followed the length out of the water, trashing incessantly, its tail flicking to and fro.

When Evan turned to look at me, the usual warmth found in his eyes had returned.

Evan: Can you help me fetch a bucket?

I snapped out of the trance, hurriedly moving to fetch a bucket and brought it before him.

MC: You got it in a single strike! You're really awesome, Evan!

Evan: A young lady is waiting for me, hungry and cold, after all.

Embarrassed, I stuck my tongue out at him.

He removed the fish from the harpoon and dumped it into the bucket before returning to the river bank.

Following his return, the harpoon made continuous sounds as it pierced through the waters again and again. His actions grew increasingly precise, and I could tell that he was trying to let out some steam with how much strength he packed into each stab.

Soon, he managed to spear another two fish out of the river. They were both huge and plump, and he seemed to be much more relaxed when he turned back around again.

He knelt down and weighed his spoils with satisfaction.

Evan: The biggest catch weighs nearly 2kg. It should be enough for us.

Afterwards, he neatly killed the fish by the bank before putting them all on the grilling rack. I brushed the fish meat with the barbecue sauce that I'd brought.

The stove burned ever so strongly, and the place was instantly doused with the delicious aroma that rose into the air alongside the smoke. I rubbed my hands in anticipation, so excited about it that I couldn't quite sit still.

The fishes were finally cooked. I quickly took a bite out of it, leaning back in satisfaction as I did.

MC: How fresh! This is too delicious! You should try some too, Evan!

Evan: Sure. Careful not to burn yourself on it.

Saying so, he too, took a piece of the fish and brought it to his mouth. Under my watchful gaze, he gave it a serious chew or two as he contemplated the taste. Eventually, he gave a nod of approval.

Evan: Mmhm. Your sauce does a mean job too.

MC: Not bad, right? This is my personal recipe!

MC: With the fish you caught and my speciality sauce, these fish taste way better than any I've ever had in high-end restaurants!

Evan: We can always eat this again whenever you want to, so long as you're willing.

I nodded, unwittingly flashing him a smile, almost as if making a silent promise to him that we most definitely would.

MC: Have you ever gone fishing, Evan? You technically score full marks in wilderness survival!

Evan: I once lived out in the wild for a while at a time in the past, after all. But, I never had a harpoon back then, so today's my first time using one.

MC: Then you must be a naturally born hunter!

MC: I felt like you were exuding a predatory area when I saw you fishing earlier!

MC: How should I put this… It's as if you'll definitely catch the prey you set your eyes on.

MC: Unlike me… *Sighs*...

Evan: Why the sudden sigh?

MC: Well… I just thought that I'd put up a rather disappointing performance today.

MC: I was the one who got all enticed by the tasty-looking fish, but in the end, not only was I unable to spear a single one, but I've also rendered myself into a right state.

MC: The cat depicted in the cat emote pack online's definitely me. "Small, pitiful, and weak, but eats a whole lot like Tubbs"!

Evan smiled and shook his head. He rested his big hand on my head.

Evan: I don't think this is a fair comparison.

Evan: A kitten won't help me deal with the people I dislike, but that throw of yours earlier was one done with all your might behind the harpoon.

Evan: It makes me feel like I've met someone whom I can entirely trust.

His tone suddenly turned tender and very soft. So soft, that it was almost as if he had all his guards down; but so heavy, that it was as if he'd placed all his trust into it.

It was akin to a small drop of honey, the vicious liquid slowly spreading through my heart.

MC: Of course… I'll always be your most reliable buddy, ever!

MC: But, I'll be happier if I can really be of help to you!

Evan: You've already helped me plenty.

Evan: Next time I have to deal with them, all I have to do is to remember how brave you were and draw strength from that.

I froze. The only thing that my helpful brain provided was the image of me slipping right into the river, butt first. I panicked, instantly setting my chopsticks down.

MC: No! Forget that terrible throw I made earlier! Vanquish the thought!

I laughed as I ate, making a fuss of it all. Before we knew it, all the fish on the grilling rack had been swiped clean.

I embarrassedly put the chopsticks away, awkwardly coming to the realization that I was, in fact, not full yet.

70% filled is still considered full… I inwardly hesitated, mentally debating with myself. I was so absorbed in it that I failed to notice how Evan had a clear view of the expression that flickered across my face yet again.

Evan: I'll go catch some more fish to grill.

MC: Uh… About that… I'm sure the fish meat gets digested quickly! I'm sure that's just what it is!

Evan: No worries.

Evan: The charcoal fire's still going strong and it's still early before sundown. Plus, your dress isn't completely dry either.

Evan: We have more than enough time to slowly eat here, and we can do it until you're full and satisfied.

Evan: And as for just how many fishes you ate… I'll make sure to keep it a secret for you.

MC: Wha?

MC: Evan! I never pegged you for one before, but are you actually up to no-good!?

Evan: I'm being serious here.

Evan: It lifts my spirits whenever I see you eat.

Evan: It makes me feel like there's no simpler pleasure than that.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

After pondering for a while, I finally decided to…

★ E8 NIGHT: Walk a while more before resting ★

MC: I'm good. Besides, it'll be hard to get going again once we sit, so how about we carry on a little while more and see how it goes?

Evan: You're here for fun, so you don't have to be so hard on yourself.

But he'd probably seen the determination colouring my eyes, for he immediately added on to his previous sentence.

Evan: But I'll listen to the leader.

MC:  Hehe. Now that's more like it.

❖☆———————————★❖

We continued our trek deeper until the forest. Enamoured by the various sights and sceneries, the sky had turned dark long before I knew it.

Evan: Let's find a place to put up the tent. I think this place is pretty suitable.

MC: Okay!

We chose a location with a wide expanse of flat ground. Then, we set about executing the next step of the plan: set up the tent.

I took the tent from my bag, spreading it out on the ground.

First, we had to insert the two rods into the tarpaulin sheet. Then, we had to insert each end of the pole into the small hole on each corner of the tent.

However, this tarpaulin sheet was just way too big. One corner came loose right after I secured the other.

I tried my hardest to spread my arms as far as they could go, but it was still a struggle to secure both ends of the pole at the same time. I fought valiantly, only to end up covered in sweat from my moot attempts.

MC: This is the only time I hate having short limbs…

Evan: Let me help you.

I looked back in surprise. Evan had already returned from fetching water by the river.

He put the bucket down and came up behind me, spreading his arms and holding the curved poles in place with ease.

However, doing so made our positions very close to one another.

His arms were warm, firm, and much longer than my own; long enough to entrap me within when he spread it out horizontally like that. Adding on to that, our clothes were both slightly damp and sticking to our skin. I could acutely feel the faint rise and fall of his chest from behind.

The surroundings seem to be growing warmer, and I felt an inexplicable sense of panic.

Evan: You just have to pin the four corners down.

MC: Okay...

I fumbled as I ducked out of the cage of his arms, putting the rods into the small holes.

❖☆———————————★❖

With Evan's help, the tent was soon set up in no time at all.

Afterwards, we ignited the kerosene lamp again and set up a simple table and chairs. And thus, our little fort out in the wild was finally complete.

Everyone has an innate love of small secluded private spaces at least once in their lives. Looking at our small lodging, I felt a sense of joy well up from the confines of my heart.

MC: Evan, let's go in and have a look inside!

I couldn't wait to delve right inside. It was only after I'd spun a full round in fascination that I realized Evan was still standing outside.

That's not right. How could I have fun all by myself? The goal of coming here today was to make Evan happy!

I thought of a way to nudge Evan into action. A light bulb lit in my head.

MC: Evan, I'm the leader today, so you'll do everything I say, right?

Evan: Yes. What do you want to do?

MC: I want to play a game.

MC: I'll be your personal Doraemon for the day. I'll help you fulfil any wishes you want!

A flicker of surprise passed his face.

Evan: Why do you want to play a game like that?

I pulled him along with me, sitting him down on a chair before sitting right across him.

MC: You've always been my Doraemon, so today, let me enjoy the joy of giving just this once.

Evan: I mean, it's not like you can't; but, what are you sure you want to be doing that here?

MC: Challenges only make it that much more interesting! Feel free to shoot any request you may have!

Unable to ignore my insistence on this matter, he folded his arms and lapsed into thought.

Evan: Then I'll just make a random wish… I want this tent to look prettier.

MC: Gotcha! Leave it to me!

This was probably the first time Evan had ever wished anything of anyone…

And now, the one to listen to his wishes was no one but me… Thinking this, the yearning to fulfil his wishes for him only burned ever stronger.

I suddenly remembered how I'd brought a string of small, colourful, fairy lights with me; if only because I'd seen someone decorate their tent with it online some time before!

I held my excitement in check as I rummaged through my bag for the fairy lights, connected the battery to the string of light and turned it on. Then, I flashed it before Evan.

MC: Ta-daaaa! Look!

❖☆———————————★❖

It was well into the night. Dishing out the fairy lights in peak darkness lit up our surroundings in a dazzling array of colours.

Evan widened his eyes in surprise, gently taking the fairy lights from me and scrutinizing them.

Evan: You actually bought fairy lights? You're a competent Doraemon, all right.

The bedazzling lights shone on our faces, adding a couple more watts to his smile.

Evan lowered his eyes, seemingly lost in his memories.

Evan: You know, these fairy lights remind me of the New Year holidays.

Evan: I walked on the streets and saw the doors of many families decorated with fairy lights like these.

Evan: Celebratory and homey… I really adore it.

Watching Evan's wary manner of carefully selecting his words, I couldn't help but feel my heart clench slightly.

Maybe… this was what he imagined home to be like…

However, he quickly snapped back to reality, his gaze falling to the fairy light before us once more.

Evan: The workmanship of these fairy lights are very intricate, and each bulb is shaped differently.

MC: Yeah. Look, this one’s a small pepper and this one’s a little eggplant...

Evan: Yes. And this one here. This one looks like you; the little rabbit.

MC: It really is a rabbit! You've got some keen observation skills.

MC: But, why am I the only animal? That sounds a little lonely…

Evan: You won't be lonely; because the one right beside the little rabbit's me.

Evan spread his arms, displaying the light bulb beside the little rabbit on the string of lights. But, all I saw was a red ball of light there.

MC: And what does this one look like? I can't really tell

Evan: It doesn't matter what it looks like; because I'm the only one who will stay by the little rabbit's side, regardless.

Although his smile was much warmer in the light, his tone still held an undeniable wistfulness.

I felt an odd sense of panic, but I didn't feel like fleeing from it.

❖☆———————————★❖

Eventually, we put the fairy lights up on the tent.

The constantly flickering and changing lights made the tent look cuter, and much more lovely. It felt like home.

I watched as Evan entered the tent, settling himself comfortably within, his eyes narrowing into happy little slits in a closed-eyed smile. Seeing him this relaxed made my heart fill with joy.

MC: Time for your next wish, Evan!

Evan: Are we continuing? I'm already pretty satisfied.

MC: The game's only just started! You can be a little more willful; just like a little kid!

I gently tugged at his arm, softly coaxing him into giving in.

Getting him to relax was no easy feat; and now, I was finally seeing a glimmer of hope! I can't let it go to waste!

Evan: Alright, one more then.

MC: I'll say this first, but you're forbidden from wishing for something overly simple! I'm Doraemon; you've gotta put your trust in me!

Evan: Okay. Then I want to drink hand-brewed coffee.

He levelled a calm gaze at me, seemingly waiting for me to admit defeat; but I only smiled triumphantly.

MC: Just you wait and see!

I knew that Evan loved coffee, so I’d brought some ground coffee powder along with a set of simple brewing tools.

I lit the stove, boiled a pot of hot water, and slowly poured it into the filter where I’d placed the powder, balanced atop an empty cup, going in circular motions. Soon, a cup of fragrant hand-brewed coffee was made.

I handed the cup of coffee to Evan. He lowered his head to give the aroma a whiff, a pleased smile appearing on his face.

Evan: A fragrance that I love.

Evan: But it's missing a little something.

He then moved to personally make a similar cup for me. We both sat down across each other, nursing our cups of coffee and taking small sips from it.

Even while sitting on a foldable chair, the way he drank his coffee was still as elegant as ever.

The forest was silent. The only thing that could be heard was the sound of intermittent chirping of the insects hidden within the foliage, adding to the relaxed and leisurely atmosphere.

MC: Evan, don’t you think that it’s been a long time since we’ve stepped away from the bustling city life to simply spend time together like this, thinking about nothing?

MC: You seem busy lately. I'm honestly a little concerned if you actually have time to wind down…

Evan: Thank you for your concern. I do have the time to do so once in a while.

He raised the cup of coffee in his hand.

Evan: This is the aroma I settle down with every lunch break, to watch a movie, or to read a book.

MC: Right, I often do the same as well.

A flicker of thought entered my mind, and I immediately latched on.

MC: I know! I've helped you think of your next wish!

Evan: Oh? And what is it?

I smiled mysteriously at him, turning around to rummage through my bag.

I happened to bring a book along with me today, so I searched the contents of my bag for it, pulling it out and handing it to him.

He ran his fingers across the gold-gilded text that had been printed onto the book cover. After a while, he suddenly returned the book to me. I raised my head in slight surprise, only to see the slight smile hidden in the corner of his eyes.

Evan: If that's how it is, then could I trouble you to read a paragraph for me?

MC: Sure.

Opening the book, I picked out a story that was about the forest and slowly started reading aloud.

It was seemingly enough to please him. He held onto his coffee, slowly leaning into the soft pillow, closing his eyes in satisfaction.

After finishing a paragraph, I closed the book, only to find him staring at me seriously. There was a fire flickering within his crimson orbs.

Evan: You know, I actually like this story a lot.

Evan: The first time I read this book, I imagined myself in the protagonist’s shoes.

Evan: Riding a small boat in a remote and secluded river, letting the current take me wherever it goes.

Evan: Expecting nothing, with no destination in mind. It doesn’t matter if I get stuck in a rapid, or if I’m just turning around in place.

MC: Sounds romantic enough. What happened after? Did you ever try doing so?

Evan: Not yet. Later, I ended up coming to the forest many times, but unfortunately, none of it was to seek recreation.

Evan: Which means, this is my first time.

Evan: So, thank you; for making this a memorable night for me.

He seemed a little tuckered out, and his voice was as soft as a mere whisper. His eyes were slowly fluttering shut as he spoke.

His eyelashes slid down as his eyes closed, casting a faint shadow on his features. I quietly observed how picturesque he looked like that as I thought back to everything he’d just said. A new plan was born within my heart.

Perhaps this wish was something that I could truly fulfil for him.

❖☆———————————★❖

The next morning, at exactly 5 AM. I was roused from my slumber as my alarm clock rang.

I gave a big wide stretch, casting a glance at Evan. Thankfully enough, he hadn’t been awoken by the alarm and was still curled up in the sleeping bag next to be, fast and soundly asleep.

After doing a simple wash up, I quietly exited the tent.

We passed by a commercial campground yesterday while searching for a suitable campsite. It provided rental services of a wide variety of camping equipment.

That’s why my first thought had been this place when I heard Evan mention boating last night. Hence, I contacted them and reserved an inflatable kayak.

With the help of my mobile GPS navigator, I walked the forest for about half an hour before I finally arrived at the campsite.

After waiting outside for a good long while, the owner whom I’d previously made an appointment with came up to me in a right state of panic.

Campsite Owner: Sorry! Some trouble cropped up, so I’m late…

MC: Don’t worry about it. What happened though? Do you need any help?

Campsite Owner: Can I bother you? If so, then yes please! I’ll tell you what happened…

After a while, I handed a trembling kitten to the owner.

It began rolling about as soon as it returned to its owner’s arms, acting like a baby as it rubbed itself against the owner’s palm, as if expressing regretfulness for its actions.

MC: The little guy must have been scared out of its mind.

Campsite Owner: Yeah. Thank you so much, Miss! I have no idea what I'd have done without you.

MC: Don't worry about it. It's no big deal.

When I came to the campsite earlier, the owner had been in the middle of a cat problem. It had climbed to the top of the tree without anyone's notice and didn't dare come down.

It had been meowing helplessly at the very top. Hence, I immediately joined the rescue effort without a second thought.

I hear that it had already been stuck up the tree for about 10 hours or more. We didn't have a tall enough ladder, so it took a great amount of improvisation to finally save the poor kitten.

Campsite Owner: Oh, right. J nearly forgot your kayak. This isn't light, though! Can you carry it alone?

MC: Huh?

I stepped forward to test its weight. The folded inflatable kayak was indeed heavier than I expected. But thinking about how Evan would react upon seeing this kayak, I suddenly felt that this extra weight meant absolutely nothing in comparison.

Campsite Owner: *Sigh* Since you've helped me, I ought to repay you the favour by lugging this back for you. But I've still got appointments later so I really can't afford to leave...

Campsite Owner: Rental's free of charge then! Have fun with it!

MC: It's alright, I can just take my time carrying it back. Thank you!

After bidding my farewells to the owner, I took the kayak with me and left the campsite.

I hadn't made it fat when my arms started feeling sore. All I could do was to put the kayak on the ground and take a short breather.

As I spaced out, I suddenly heard a muffled sound coming from within the depths of the forest.

My ears tuned in to the sound in full alert. Whatever that was, it was by no means small. 

Was it an animal? Or was it someone?

The crunching sound of leaves approached closer and closer. Now, I could tell without a doubt that those footsteps were most definitely human. And it sounded a little rushed; panicked, even.

Feeling a little uneasy, I couldn’t help but stand back up.

Then, a familiar figure emerged from the dense forest.

MC: …Evan!?

He seemingly breathes out a long sigh of relief upon spotting me. He quickly strode up to me.

Evan: I finally found you, at least.

Evan: I woke up in the morning to find you missing, and you never picked up even when I called. I was worried sick.

He looked as calm and unruffled as ever at first glance. The only difference was that he seemed a little out of breath.

This place isn’t close to our campsite at all. How long has he been searching for me out in the woods?

Thinking about it made me feel a little guilty.

I ended up telling him briefly about the unexpected situation I’d encountered in the commercial camp and everything before that.

MC: I left really early. I initially thought that I’d be back before you woke up, but I never thought that I’d take that long to get back...

MC: I’ve been busy this entire time so I didn’t have the time to check my phone. Sorry for worrying you.

Evan: It's okay. Just… Don't leave my side without saying anything next time, alright?

I nodded and lowered my eyes in embarrassment. Unexpectedly, I then noticed that he’d buttoned a button near the hem of his dress shirt wrong.

Having never seen Evan disregard his appearance in this manner before, I very nearly failed to suppress my snort of laughter.

Evan: Hm? What's the matter?

I shook my head, undoing that button and rebuttoning it right. It was only then that he noticed his slight gaffe. He laughed at his own mistake.

Evan: …Thank you.

Looking into his eyes, I couldn't hold back the urge to ask him the one thing that had been nagging at my mind.

MC: This place is not anywhere close to our campsite. How did you know I was here?

Evan: I couldn't contact you in the morning, so I searched around the tent to see if you left anything resembling a note behind.

Evan: I remembered that you seemed interested in this place when we passed by it yesterday, so I thought that maybe this was where you'd gone.

I hadn’t expected him to see completely through me as he cast a glance at the kayak on the ground.

MC: *Sigh* Why did you figure everything out like that? I wanted to surprise you!

Evan: Don't worry about it. This is also a surprise in and of itself, don't you think? Thank you for all the effort you've put in.

Evan: It feels pretty good to have your wish granted by someone else.

He gently took my hand in his, enveloping my palm in his bigger one, transmitting his unusual body warmth.

Evan: But I also want you to know that just you being by my side's more than enough for me.

My train of thought was disrupted by his tender gaze, making it hard for me to gather my thoughts together.

MC: But I don't think that's enough.

MC: You’re always taking care of others and listening to their wishes, but you can’t forget yourself and your wishes.

MC: I want to hear more of your wishes. You can always be a little greedier when you’re with me, Evan...

He looked at me for a fleeting second before suddenly closing in on me. He only stopped when my figure was completely enshrouded within his shadow.

Evan: Then, can I be greedy one last time?

MC: Huh…?

Not waiting for me to give him an answer, he advanced a step forwards, pulling me into a hug.

His arms were solidly wound around me, and the fragrance of wormwood that came with his embrace was lasting and stronger than ever.

The strength behind his action made it hard for me to reject him, hard for me to escape. 

Oddly enough, I felt a little intoxicated by it, slowly closing my eyes.

❖☆———————————★❖

The next day, early morning. I woke up to the melodious singing of birds.

Evan was already awake, neatly dressed and sitting on the folded chair at the entrance, sipping on a cup of coffee.

Evan: Good morning. Sleep well last night?

MC: Brilliantly! I was so tired from walking so long yesterday that I fell asleep the moment my head met the pillow.

MC: Oh, right. It’ll take quite a long time to go back where we came, so let’s eat something, pack up, and leave as soon as possible!

Evan set his cup of coffee down,

Evan: Aren’t you forgetting something?

MC: Huh?

Evan: I recall you wanting to see bamboo piths, but we have yet to see any.

I froze, awkwardly laughing it off

That had originally been an excuse to get him outside and I’d totally forgotten about it.

MC: Hehe. I’m not that adamant about seeing bamboo piths.

MC: I only said that back then as an excuse to get you out so that you can relax.

MC: I heard that you had things rather rough before that so I was a little worried about you.

He looked slightly surprised. Then, he lowered his eyes, a warm smile catching onto the sides of his mouth.

Evan: So it was because of me.

Evan: Thank you for accompanying me here. I’m certainly much more relaxed now.

MC: But considering how you were previously… Are you really okay?

Evan: Yes. It’s probably not as bad as you’re thinking. I was just thinking about some old people and old things and felt a little glum about it.

Evan: I never thought that I’d end up alarming others.

MC: Why am I “others” now?

MC: Don’t bottle your troubles up to solve them yourself. You need to remember to share them with people close to you as well!

Evan: Okay. I will keep that in mind.

I still didn’t know what he was troubled by, but I suppose this was still within my expectations.

From my impression of him, he has always been strong. It was almost as if he was shouldering a mission that no one knew about, walking down a similarly obscured path.

After finishing breakfast, we packed and prepared to leave the forest.

We idly chatted with each other along the way until suddenly, Evan stopped short while we were passing through an area.

Following his gaze, I saw a unique-looking umbrella-shaped thing growing within the shrubbery’s shade.

Evan: See? We still managed to chance upon it.

MC: Wow, are all of these bamboo piths?

We walked over together, squatting beside the small white fungi.

It had a small black cap and had grown out a long white mesh skirt.

This was the first time I ever saw a bamboo pith growing in the soil. I widened my eyes in surprise, unwilling to blink as I drank in the sight. After observing it for a while, I finally raised a finger, reaching out to touch its “skirt”.

MC: It’s so wet and soft-looking! It’s adorable! Have you seen it before, Evan?

MC: I can’t believe you managed to recognize it at a glance!

Evan: Yes. It was back during the first time I’d been driven into the forest as a child.

Evan: I witnessed the law of the jungle and escaped from the jaws of death of a snake. I felt like the forest was a place filled with danger and wanted nothing but to leave the place the faster, the better.

Evan: Then, just as I was hungry and exhausted, I saw a bamboo pith.

Evan: At that time, I didn’t know what it was and if it was actually poisonous.

Evan: Deep in the throes of despair, I thought “why not just take it, eat it, and see what my fate turns out to be”?

MC: Evan…

Evan: But guess what I saw while I was hesitating?

Evan: I saw it growing its fungus skirt. All it took was a little effort on its part, and its little skirt grew longer and longer.

Evan: I stared at it blankly, in a daze. I didn’t even notice that my legs had gone numb from how long I’d stared at it.

He retracted himself from his memory palace, turning around to face me with a smile.

Evan: It was as simple as a little young lady, capable of encouraging me with its adorability and enchantments.

Evan: It made me understand that forest, in all its gloom and doom, still has its own little interesting spots.

Evan: And that one is only capable of seeing it by living on, don’t you think?

His expression was quiet, but within those calm eyes of his, I could see that little boy who’d struggled his hardest to remain strong. I felt my heart constrict slightly at that and moved to hold his hand tightly in my own.

MC: Evan, that’s all in the past. You’re no longer that helpless little boy.

Evan: No, I’m fine.

Evan: I might have forgotten even this if we hadn’t seen the bamboo piths today.

Evan: It feels a little unbelievable when I think back on it now. It was a memory plagued by darkness, yet it still held its own beautiful moments.

I felt a pang of sorrow creep into my heart. Words of comfort were right at the tip of my tongue, yet I felt like they’d be completely helpless.

This man before me, strong as a warrior; someone who’d been forced to face life-or-death decisions from a very young age… Maybe he wasn’t as complicated as I initially thought he was.

There are many reasons why one would choose death, but to choose life? The reason was simple; just a little spark was required, and Evan was no exception.

MC: I forgot who said it, but someone once said that the meaning of existence that people spend their entire lives seeking out is actually hidden in the simple things.

MC: Evan, won’t you say that you might end up thinking similarly as well one day?

MC: You might not be able to find it immediately, but that’s fine. I will accompany you in your search for it, no matter how long it takes.

Evan fixed me with a profound look before stretching out his hand and reverently crossing it over my own.

Evan: Alright. Together we shall be.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

✥ Choose your Ending:

END 1 | Choice: Do Nothing [都不做]

END 2 +3 + 4 | Choice: Call Out [呼唤] ⊹Speak⊹

END 4 + 6 | Choice: Approach [亲近] ⊹Touch⊹

END 7 + 8 | Choice: Heart-throb [心动] ☆Light & Night★

❖☆————— ⊹ For Night, For Revolution⊹ —————★❖

Previous Part: (Prologue)

[redwinterroses]

may i ask you abt tumblr ettiquette? what are likes for? i see people say stuff like "dont just like something reblog it as well" but you and a few other people i've seen say you use likes as a way to remember to reblog a post later but i thought that was what drafts were for? and other people like nearly every post they see? idk what theyre meant to be for.

right so: part of tumblr etiquette (in theory) is answering asks in a timely fashion, and I have no idea how long this has been sitting in my inbox but it was buried under a few other things so I missed it for who-knows-how-long. Sorry! >.<

On the likes... it depends on who you ask. And tbh it's changed over the years. Used to be that a heart was just like on any other social media site -- showed that you, ya know. Liked something. Nothing more, nothing less.

But because tumblr doesn't work like other sites, likes don't get you any sort of engagement with a wider audience, so people quickly started saying "Please don't just like my posts, reblog them so other people see them."

Which is valid. BUT we creators also need to remember that just because someone enjoys something we put up doesn't mean they necessarily want it on their blog, and that's valid too. But yeah: you'll see some people get real militant about "don't like spam!"

(and, granted -- going into your notifs and they're just full of one person going through and hearting everything you've posted in the last 48 hours is... a little obnoxious. But you CAN filter your notifs and hide likes so it's not as if it completely ruins your ability to find reblogs and comments and stuff so... annoying, but not the end of the world.)

But if someone constantly posts "Reblogs over likes!! Reblog with comment, don't just like!!" I'll be honest: I'm going to be less likely to reblog at all, even if I do genuinely enjoy the content. Don't tell me what to do, lol. Maybe I want to show you as an artist that I appreciate your effort and work, but I don't actually want to show everyone else the thing? If I reblog something it's because I want my followers to see it to, and that doesn't necessarily apply to every single thing that I see and think "Oh cool/pretty/neat!" about.

So personally, I use likes as a bookmark to go back and find things later. Sometimes I use drafts, but only if it's something I know I'm going to want to add to -- otherwise, it's way faster to just hit the like button and keep scrolling. If I've got time to save it as a draft, I've got time to put the tags in (...I tag everything. Everything. If I didn't, I'd like less and just reblog more.) If I'm in a hurry or on cursed mobile, I don't want to bother with tags, so I hit "like" and come back to it later when I'm on desktop.

And these days I sometimes just use likes as... ya know. A like. Because I LIKE something. Which seems. Obvious. But tumblr culture means it's not or we wouldn't be having this conversation.

so... tl;rd -- use the hellsite (affectionate) however you want. It's your experience. If you think something is cool but you don't want to actually reblog it, like it. If you want to come back and find it later, like it. Or save it as a draft. Or reblog it with #tag later. Or literally whatever you want. Maybe don't go on like-spamming sprees of individual blogs? Especially if you then don't reblog anything or at least give them a follow? But even then -- who cares. You still showed appreciation for the content. As long as you're not re-uploading stuff, you're fine.

[thatfrenchacademic]

Hi. Could you give some insight/opinion/experiences regarding pursuing a Phd and academia in general? What advice would you give to someone thinking about going on that road?

Hello !

I’ll answer the “PhD” part more than the “acedemia” part (since I am not yet 100% of getting there myself), and keep in mind this will be based on my experience as a PhD student in social science, so it might not be fully applicable to STEMs or humanities.

(This got long so TL;DR : Doing a PhD is like deciding to upgrade your relationship with a University from “went a few dates” to “current partner in a committed relationship”. If it went well before, it is a good indicator that it will go well now, but it is not a guarantee. It changes a few things, many of which you probably did not consider before starting it, but they do not have to be deal-breakers. You just have to really consider this choice, be very clear on what both parties’ expectations are and where this is going. There is no absolute right or wrong way to do that, only ways that will work, or not work, for you. At the end of the day, if it does not work out, it’s not the end of the world. Maybe it was not a good fit, maybe now is not the time for such a relationship, but you will have grown and benefitted from the experience anyway. Maybe you will try your luck with another University, a better fit for you.  But hopefully, it works out, you will spend a few years with your University, grow and change, and reevaluate where you want to go in a few years : maybe you wil take the next step and get into academia, committing a bit more ; or maybe it was nice, and now you part ways amicably. And both are fine.)

So a few things which could help if you are considering whether or not to pursue a PhD (under the cut, because boy this got long) :

 1. A PhD is very, very different from an Undergrad, but also a Masters’ level/ Postgrad degree. Enjoying University, including the learning process and the specific field you are in as a student does not automatically mean enjoying those same things as a PhD student. More will be up to you, from time management to research question to methods to being held accountable for your research progress and output. I found it less about enjoying what currently exists out there in your field, and more about contributing to this field in turn. It is a more active role, which comes with a different sort of stress and pressure. 

2. The iceberg effect : a whole lot about doing a PhD is under the water. Doing your research is a big part of the PhD. But likely, there will be a lot more, including but not limited to : enrolling is more modules (look !!up!!how!!many!!Credits!!your!!department!!will!!require!!), working as a research assistant, teaching, grading, tutoring, applying to grants, writing papers/blog posts, data collection, presenting at conferences... Some people love having this diversity of activities (I do), but for others teaching and taking modules is a chore, because their interest is solely on research. Look up what the Universities you apply to require, and whether you think you will enjoy it or not !

3. Where are you doing your University ? Your Department/Faculty will really impact how well your PhD goes, in my experience. And it’s less about a specific University being “good/bad”, and more a matter of fit. Is this department in general, and your supervisor in particular, a good fit for you ? Do you like their research ? Do you like the general research output of the department ? What sort of work do theyr do ? Is it innovative, disruptive theories ? Is it cutting-methods ? Do they push for publications in top journals, or are they more laid-back and focused on skill-building for PhD students ? All hese things can be perfectly fine, the point is  : is it fine for you ? Is this how you would thrive? You can reach out to a current PhD student and ask them question, saying you are considering applying there. I have done that recently, as I am considering moving, and that was not an issue. 

4. The frustration of pay or lack thereof. It sounds like nothing when you start, I know,  especially if you are fresh out of University when you apply. But I don’t think I am being very controversial when I say that most of time, PhD students are spectacularly underpaid. I have friends with the same Masters degree making almost twice what I earn monthly. Depending on where your University is, the cost of living on a PhD/scholarship stipend might mean 3 to 6 more years living in a shared accommodation, when your Undergrad/Master’s friends will be living in their own flat, thanks to better pay and being in a city with lower costs of living. I urge you to make a note of this. Housemates when you are 22 are fun. Housemates when you are 27 get old real quick. (PS join your local postgraduates student unions so they can have more weight when they negotiate stipends/financial support for you with your University)

5. Does it have to be now ...? There is no rush to do to a PhD right after your Master’s Degree. I took a gap year after officially graduating from my Master’s degree. Some of it was spent presenting papers at conferences, some was working a job which had nothing to do with my qualifications, some was working in an NGO to see if I liked it. Out of the five people in my cohorts, only two had gone straight from their master’s to their PhD. Other three spent between 1 and 6 years doing something else before getting started on their PhD. It’s fine. There is not issue or stigma, here. 

6. It doesn’t mean that you put your life on hold. A PhD is what you make of it. I know people who got married during their PhDs. Two have had their own children. Yes, it makes things more challenging ; but it might also make you happier if this is what you want ! You can travel (I mean, you know, when the whole planet is not a dumpster fire), you get breaks, you have time for hobbies. I took up new hobbies in my first year, joined new clubs, met new people, went to therapy, and lived and grew as a person. Approach your PhD as a job. It does not have to be life-consuming. It is tough, it is challenging, but I refuse to normalize that it has to be all pain and suffering. It’s about the journey, not the ultimate goal.

(tagging some people who might have some insight to share, maybe ? and from different fields @soap-stones @earlymodernstudent @cancerbiophd @phd-students-diamond )

[into-september]

to cross your DNA with something reptile

With the answer set to be given within the next couple of days (to what extent it even was a quesetion any more), I guess now’s the time for me to pull together the the threads from some three or four different drafts of blergh and explain why no amount of desperate positive takes has made me excited about the sentiadrien narrative. 

I’m putting this under cut because god knows I am myself tired of seeing this disc horse on my dash; I just need to get it out before whatever meltdown tomorrow will bring and because I’ll probably be AFK for most of it because Christmas is all around us (as evident in how I’m posting this between batches of Christmas sweets made with my sisters, thirty minutes before Kuro Neko drops. See you on the other side and DM me when the subs are out; spoiler tags shall be ON after this) (welp). I also want to stress that this is in no way meant as salt; I’m writing this from a place of profound love of this show, and I’m fully aware that it’s not that deep, sis. I’m not taking this terribly seriously because the show isn’t going to either, but. 

Well. 

Loving something for what it is does not mean that I have to deny its genre and target audience and they way they’ve previously dealt with anything demanding the audience to question the story. TL;DR, the inclusion of heavy existential themes into a story without the backbone to carry them is a substantial part of why my feelings about this are pretty much

The title of this post isn’t completely random, and the lord only knows that my predictions about MLB are usually proven wrong. The show has done some legit clever storytelling before and I don’t doubt there’ll be more of it to come. Maybe they’ll pull this storyline and make something truly fantastic out of it, and that’s the hope. 

And that’s all I have.

I. The dubious narrative precedent

Miraculous Ladybug is this absolutely bonkers, absolutely adorable series of twenty-three minute episodes about two teenage superheroes who fight dinosaurse and weaponied pidegons and don’t know that they sit next to each other in class and are desperately in love. Yeah yeah there’s a magical terrorist posessing innocent citizens and sending them out on murder sprees weekly, but his presence is merely the excuse for having our two heroes look cool and be cute at each other. Miraculous Ladybug is very, very good at being that show. 

The introduction of season-spanning plot developments creates two issues. First, of course, is that breaking away from the formula means that Miraculous Ladybug no longer is that very thing I love. This has of course been what many fans have been crying for since like season two, so... good for you?

But that makes the second problem all the more urgent: The few previous times the show has batted its kitty-paws at more meaningful storylines, the results have been mixed. And by "mixed”, I mean “mostly not particularly good”. 

Succumbing to pessimism is an individual’s choice, and honestly: I can’t say I entirely have, because observe the prime example of my very objection - the fact that Season 4 includes a number of plot elements that by all accounts should have turned the story from the episodic nonsense to something at least somewhat more grave and comtemplative. Instead, the writers opted to let the characters almost uniformly ignore huge changes that should upset any status quo. In theory, it’s not terribly good writing to refuse to let universe-changing events have narrative consequences. In practice, it’s letting me continue to watch the same delighfully dumb show, so I’m not actually complaining. 

This is of course not to say that they won’t suddenly start being as good at writing long plots as they are at writing singular episodes, but the way S4 has gone about the other changes is not promising. And let’s be real: For all the good times they’ve given us, the writers of the show are not above being blatantly lazy.

The resident mean girl having a super sweet and super stylish and super sad sister who was introduced to the story completely out of the blue to instantly befriend the established cast, discover her silly stepfather’s abandoned dreams, and being given her undeserving sister’s miraculous the episode after she met Ladybug - that was a thing that happened. 

II. The thematic collapse

Either sentimonsters are merely objects to be used and discarded, or Gabriel and Nathalie are serial murderers. TPTB on are bending over backwards on twitter to deny the first and I sincerely struggle to see the show confirm the second, and that’s not indicative of a lot of thought having been put into this. 

III. The philosophical pretension

I don’t give a rat’s back end about the question of whether or not non-human intelligence should have their human rights recognised. IRL, it’s a hypothetical. In fiction, it is usually brought up to justify the existence of already beloved "artificial” characters. It’s not a question that merits discussion, unless it’s an allegory for recognising the humanity of real people who would somehow be dehumanised. And when we’re at that point, in a liberal western work in the twenty-first century, that would raise the question of who. Who are these people whose humanity is not recognised in our society? 

Not queer people or racial minorities - both groups are visibly present on the show and portrayed as no less included and accepted than the straight whites. A less usual suspect would be disabled people, particularly pertinent given that Adrien’s original character conception used a walking aid, but the prejudices they are met with are usually of a different breed entirely. The similar absence of lower class people and visible religious minorities is a flaw in the show, not society. 

Of course, I’m just being difficult. The question of does non-human intelligence deserve recognition on par with biological humans has been posed twice already and answered as the banality it is both times. Even without the pocket-sized alien gods making up the story’s entire premise and their recognition as individuals, Markov is human enough to be targeted for akumatisation at least twice, and Aeon’s death was so traumatic that it effectively ended Paris’ superhero duo until she personally put it together again. 

Unless there is something substantially more lore to sentimonsters than what we know at this point, sentiadrien can’t be included for the purpose of inciting any profound reflections about the human condition. Discount the existential horror that is every sentimonster’s fate, and we’re left with the magical equivalent of “found out I was adopted”. 

IV. The thematic collapse, part two

Unless Duusuu’s powers are permanently and fundamentally changed, ~senti representation~ is not something for which the show should strive, because real people living under that condition is, uh. 

Screwed up, to put it mildly. To recap: 

1. The point of Duusuu’s power is that whoever has the amok has control over the sentimonster, fully able to overide any free will it has and effectively render it a puppet at their command. The only known way a sentimonster can escape this fate is to have the amok item somehow embedded inside their bodies so that it can neither be lost nor reached by anyone else. 

2. When Duusuu’s powers are being used, the wielder can remove the amok as easily as plucking a hair from their head; they are figuratively holding the sentimonster’s beating heart in the palm of their hand. Even without the slavery to the amok, they are living under the threat of instant death at the hands of the peacock wielder. As the number of lost and found miraculouses on this show well proves, a sympathetic and trustworthy peacock wielder can never be taken for granted. As was demonstrated by Feast, eating your amok is no path to liberation from this master. The only known way a sentimonster can escape this fate is if Duusuu’s miraculous is cast into the fires of Mount Doom. 

V. (and you want to bridge the schism, a built-in mechanism to protect you) 

(the entire problem, the only problem, is that Duusuu’s power is to create life for the purpose of unconditional servitude. This is morally questionable if said life is clearly non-human and with limited degrees of intelligence [hence the name and the “goes ape crazy if amok is no longer in charge]. It comes a horror show of entirely different dimensions when it is used for creating life that for all intents and purposes is human and capable of participating in human society like any other person. Banana Boom Boom probably wouldn’t spend time mulling over his slavery to Queen Banana, but it is a crisis that could explain a lot of Felix’ allegedly uncharacteristically rotten attitude in his intro episode.)

(the question, then, is this: will Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir ever acknowledge that Duusuu’s power is so ripe for abuse that it should come with an ethical charter?)

(because lol, wasn’t it funny that Plagg sunkt the Atlantis. Isn’t it hilarious how Sabrina does Chloé’s homework in her closet. Wasn’t it just any akuma attack like usual that time a teenage girl disappointed in love drowned every person in western Europe except for a handful of middle schoolers)

(through real world lenses, Su-Han’s rage at finding the miraculous box in the hands of a fourteen year old girl is entirely justified. Per the established reality of canon, of course, he’s just a boomer)

(it’ll be fine as long as the person with the miraculous is noble and well-intended. And that’s easy, since there are only two kinds of people: Nice People, or Bad People. Sometimes Nice People do bad things under the influence of Bad People. That’s okay; they’ll come around. How lucky that Marinette always knows to which group a person belongs. This is a show for primary schoolers, it’s not that deep, sis)

(will Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir ever acknowledge that Duusuu’s power is so ripe for abuse that it should come with an ethical charter)

VI. And now for something completely different

Yeah yeah, I probably won’t be done with this anytime soon, because the narrative parallell between Gabriel’s “super strict parenting” and Adrien being a sentimonster whose amok is in posession of his father who also has the peacock miraculous cannot be an accident. One reflects in the other, and the yikes is twofold. 

First: We’ve by now got confirmation that the show isn’t out to thematise emotional abuse, since the head honcho denies that Audrey’s treatment of Chloé is causing harm, nevermind that the show clearly shows that it is. Of course, Thomas Astruc’s understanding of the semantics is one thing; another entirely is that it is in fact debatable to what extent Adrien is a victim of parental abuse. Not because Gabriel’s actions and attitude aren’t abusive, but because Adrien’s bottomless optimism lets him excuse it as the results of his father’s grief. Even though the neglect hurts him, he has yet to question whether he is worthy of his father’s love and attention. Dad’ll come around once he moves on, and Adrien’s self-worth remains solid. 

The audience, of course, knows that this is technically true but not for the reason Adrien thinks. The message, at any rate, remains the same: Gabriel isn’t treating Adrien badly because sometimes adults intentionally hurt their children. Gabriel is treating Adrien badly because he’s a supervillain, and if Adrien isn’t harmed then it’s not that bad, anyway. Certainly not next to the willingness to use the amok to force Adrien into hurting people he loves. 

(yes, I’m like 70% certain that a sentiadrien storyline will be part of a Gabriel redemption storyline, and I hate it here)

The other “hoe don’t” is the - mildly put - unfortunate implications in how sentiadrien has been affected by his father’s non-magical mistreatment. Namely, that the reason he "just puts up with it" is because the core of his existence is that his father literally can control his mind and his every action. 

Not because so many children will accept and internalise their parents’ abuse in the horrible misunderstanding that this is how we care for them. Not because abuse will tear down your self-worth until you truly believe that you are unlovable, that your feelings and opinions are irrelevant, and that you deserve being treated like a nothing. 

Adrien's tacit acceptance and steadfast defending and excusing his father's treatment of him is a realistic response in abused children. One very obvious reading of the sentiadrien narrative is that he is like that because he is a puppet at his father's command - that he would rebel if he could, because his submission has nothing to do with his father’s attitude. 

That victims of "real" abuse would take a stand, would talk back, would make accusations, would know that this is wrong. If you're a passive victim like Adrien, then clearly the things destroying you is all in your head, sticks and stones, because it's not his father's treatment of him that makes Adrien Like That, it's his father being a supervillain.

VII. and then what’s the point

With how easy come, easy go Marinette and Gabriel’s power upgrades have been this season, the show has paved the path for sentiadrien to release himself from his slavery by just really really wanting to. Amoks are visually equated to akumas, and the lord only knows Alya and Nino needed little else than a friend telling them to get it together. Why should it be any more difficult for sentiadrien? “Using their imagination”, after all, was all it took for Ladybug and Shadow Moth. 

And at that point, then what was the point, except giving the audience one more horror to wait for him to discover, and giving him an episode or two of misery, and possibly pursuing some insipid ruminations on a topic whose truth the story has been long since established. 

If they’re going to re-define the entire existence of one of their main characters, then it has better be for something more than cheap angst. 

[captainkirbypunch]

My love has left tumblr once again.

As many of you may know, the account under the name MDZADR, has left tumblr. They felt unsafe in their fandom, and as such have deleted their tumblr and AO3 account due to the bad memories linked to them.

As a part of their departure, they have asked me to post something in their name, as follows.

If you want more details about how I came to this realization, continue to read. If not, here is your summary:

TL;DR: For the safety and health of this fandom, I wanted to spread the word that Mooping-10 is filled with people who absolutely cannot be trusted, creating a very hazardous environment for the zadr community, and MelodyoftheVoid is connected to all of those people, living a double life amongst those of us that don’t “ship zadr correctly.” She has plenty of friends her inner circle knows nothing about, and nobody on either side knows who she really is. 

Full story below.

I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. Nobody did anything to me today, but this just wasn’t worth it.

My AO3 and tumblr are both gone. I didn’t say goodbye because I didn’t want to look like an attention seeker.

Here’s the thing. I wasn’t going to name drop, but you guys need to know the truth. I’m instructing my boyfriend (hi y’all) to turn asks off for his own safety after this because this is going to be a nightmare, but... allow me to tell you the full story. I’ll try to break up the text so it’s less difficult to read, but this is important. I’m sorry to air discourse so publicly, but please... I need you to listen to me.

I’ll start from the beginning, without being vague anymore about who “she” is. I request that you please read the whole thing and not skip parts of it. The whole story matters.

I finally returned to the fandom about two months or so ago. As I’ve mentioned, I don’t do well in my thoughts while left alone too long, so I posted saying I would stop messaging people I knew because I didn’t want to bother them. There were only two people I was talking to at the time, but one of them is famous so I didn’t want to message her directly saying that. Doing so would have put her in a position of feeling obligated to say “you’re not bothering me” rather than just simply being able to sigh with relief from no longer being contacted. 

But the first person to contact me was the famous person, and she asked if I was okay, and told me she liked talking to me.

God, I actually cried.

But, that’s just her. Melodyofthevoid is the type of person to talk to people in the fandom, totally unaware of her demigod status. She comments on stories, interacts on posts, messages first... a pillar of kindness, so it seemed.

But let the story continue.

Over time, we were talking more often. 

Mostly sending memes (cause everyone I knew, myself included, aren’t exactly great at holding conversations. No shade. Memes are a love language). I was still in the hero worship stage of our relationship, so my view of her was that that was perfect.

Now, let me bridge a connection with a new story idea I got around December 28th or so, and my thinking she was perfect.

I had recently finished watching Madoka and questioned “If I had magical powers, what would they be?” It then turned into its own story idea, basing creators’ powers around the strengths and weaknesses in creations. I actually realized “oh fuck. My stuff is incoherent. My friends’ works aren’t too different...”

Thus spawned the name “Incoherent” for the project.

What does that have to do with this? Well, here’s the thing that really fucked everything up quickly. 

This was not on purpose, because originally the project (which I had told nobody of yet at the time) was all about improving your works, making platonic friends, dressing our personas in cute outfits, and writing fun magic.

While listening to music and thinking of the story one day, my brain accidentally shipped my persona with hers, and I couldn’t unsee it. And I’m lousy at keeping my own secrets (other’s are different) so she found out on probably day one or two about my weird crush because of an ask meme of all things. 

She didn’t try to put me off any, which was another problem for future things to come, and so I decided that since Incoherent was finally making me feel alive again and feeling the euphoric feelings of love wouldn’t hurt anything (I figured they’d mellow out on their own eventually because that’s how infatuation works) since they helped fuel my inspiration, and then we would just continue from friends to better friends one day and this part of our lives would be over.

Besides, the forbidden is attractive somehow, and makes stories more entertaining. She’s aro/ace, so I had no chance anyway. Someone safe to crush on, in her own way.

This isn’t a story of a love betrayal however. There was no such thing. But it’s important to the story because Incoherent is where my mistakes were made, and hers brought to light.

By this time, I had a handful of people I was talking to, and I created a discord server for the project. Only my boyfriend (hi!) and I were in it at the time. I was not-so-subtly asking my friends what they’d look like if they were a magical person, what their names would be... I thought I would have had to lure Melody in to make her want to join us, but I managed to get her in very easily. Everyone was happy and excited! It was a no obligation, no time limit thing for us to enjoy, a little sandbox to play around in. 

Sure there were plans to make it bigger and I was working on art to the best of my ability, but it was gonna be a fun thing mostly. No pressure on anyone.

And how things started becoming a problem was that the rest of us posted publicly about the project and interacted with each other’s posts relating to the story, but she had started to interact publicly less and less with our things, and everyone noticed it.

It wasn’t because we were greedy and wanted the popular girl to reblog our things. It’s because we had a feeling she was ashamed of being seen publicly with us. The reason we were worried before then and started making that connection was because I mentioned I was going to ask another user if they were interested in joining Incoherent. Melody was the only one that seemed uncomfortable, and I messaged her asking about it. We agreed I wouldn’t invite that person but I knew things were off about it.

That person is like me. How long until Melody didn’t want to talk to me anymore? A few days ago, the other shoe finally dropped. A member of our little group and I were talking and (let’s call them Friend for simplicity. They asked to not be name dropped here) Friend was worried they had made Melody upset by tagging her in a meme picture they drew of her persona, and the two had agreed that Friend remove the tag. This spawned an anxiety-filled conversation where Friend and I expressed our concerns about Melody not interacting with the project, or us.

So since I wanted reassurance that that wasn’t the case, I messaged Melody with my concerns. I told her I had the feeling she was ashamed of being seen in public with us because of her friends, and she didn’t refute me. She simply told me to go get some rest. I messaged back with “I’m right.”

I deleted Discord off my phone for hours and nearly deleted my Tumblr, AO3, and the server after my boyfriend helped pass messages between us. Melody confessed that was the case because her friends expressed discomfort with my works, and she was playing both sides.

Her words, not mine.

Melody told me she would be withdrawing from the Incoherent project because it wasn’t fair to us if her heart wasn’t in it.

She didn’t stand up on my behalf when they said things about me. Her friends are the type who talk behind creators’ backs for shipping zadr “incorrectly.” Worse than antis because they actually participate in the “pro-shipping” side of the fandom. I broke that day and messaged her at 3 am.

We finally spoke at 3pm. We both missed each other. I tried to understand more. I wanted it to be more like a conversation rather than an interrogation. It was only one-sided however, and she never opened up further. And I made some mistakes and poor choices of words, and we ended up parting ways permanently right there. 

I nearly deleted everything, but much like a coma patient attached to many machines on a hospital bed, my blog was kept alive a little longer by people sending kind words in droves. I was briefly fuelled by spite, wishing to watch the world burn by making everyone on the "correct" side of the fandom upset by posting the worst, most vile content this fandom has ever seen.

I was also welcomed with open arms by a very kind server with fellow degenerates, all of them screaming and crying and partying when they managed to get me in their server. It was so heartwarming...

But as I spoke to others about my situation, I realized something. A disturbing pattern.

People telling me horror stories about how Mooping-10 was cult-like. How the people running it were antis. I was even told once that they have a secondary server where they go to have their talks and do their work, likely the place where the real bashing is held.

The server itself has rules against such behavior, but I suppose it's different when they do it.

One person (and this is the most unnerving part for me, personally) told me Melody actually set off alarm bells in their head without having even done anything yet, and the most disturbing part of the story was that one of the moderators was afraid and upset because they got Covid, and received basically no moral support at all. Only getting told "spoiler that. Sorry you got Covid".

I was horrified. That server has 100 people in it. How many of them are the same? They act like popular kids in school who picked up an unpopular main character and then bash others, and the main character joined in because they don't want to be left behind by their new "friends".

To put it short, back to my point:

TL;DR: I simply only wanted to spread the word that: Mooping-10 is filled with people who absolutely cannot be trusted, creating a very hazardous environment for the zadr community, and Melodyofthevoid is connected to all of those people, living a double life amongst those of us that don't "ship zadr correctly". She has plenty of friends her inner circle knows nothing about, and nobody on either side knows who she really is.

[spicypeak]

MC?

Heyo sorry for lack of updates I’ve been taking a biiit of a break

I’ve been slowly (emphasis on slowly) going through all the new info from the album and have compiled a bit of a list of info on the MC as well as bits that came with the new drama tracks

My copy of the artbook isn’t here yet so if there’s any new info from that I will update this

I’ll put it under cut since I feel like it’s potential spoilers?

I feel like I have to state from all the new info I cannot say whether or not MC is the girl in the headband. We have to remember that the EROSION boys don’t seem to remember the two other kids from the forest, so if this is her, they do not know/realize it.

So! First things first, the first(?) instance MC appears is during the drama parts they played as intermission during UNDERDOGS! If you have not heard it, it is included as a bonus in the Band Ecstasy version of the album, but I have also done a rough outline of what happened in it in my event report here!

The drama tracks go one by one through each of the boys starting with Toxin, as he was the one who found her a brought her backstage, then goes in the usual order of Yoru>Neight>Byakuya>Creha. (Not important but Yoru is just not censored in any of these new tracks it was really shocking)

Toxin, Neight, and Byakuya are all like we need to bring her to father; while Yoru is against it and Creha’s indifferent. Also they’re all like we aren’t vampires but I think we were already supposed to assume they were a different demon race anyways, but it’s nice to have a confirmation.

What we learn from these tracks is that she isn’t a BLOODS, her friend wanted to go to the live and she tagged along, (ah, youth, as Neight put it). It’s also painfully obvious she has no idea what’s going on- Yoru can tell she doesn’t and is sympathetic but thinks it’s better she doesn’t know. Neight believes she’s lying. Creha can also tell she doesn’t know but thinks it would be a pain to explain things to her.

I think I should say that Toxin, Neight, and Byakuya just start drinking her blood without asking or anything. Yoru and Creha on the other hand she offers them her blood.

Also interesting to note Byakuya and Creha both ask her if she’s a vampire, to which she denies and says she’s just a normal high school girl.

When it gets to Creha’s track he lets her go in the end- he actually let her go quite early into the track, but she only stayed and offered her blood because he was struggling to get over the urge to drink blood.

Anyways moving onto to the tokuten tracks from Stellaworth and Animate These show the following? day at school.

Here we learn that MC is a second year at Houshin Gakuen and is in the class next door to Toxin and Creha’s (so I think it’s safe to say this isn’t Yui)

She goes on a walk with Toxin, they get lost. Toxin’s hand fetish appears and she freaks out. Neight asks her to help with student council things because there’s no way he’s asking his brothers. She has lunch with Yoru- Yoru freaks out over the lack of nutrition in her lunch and gives her some of his Byakuya has detention because he doesn’t do his work and she helps him out Creha runs into her in the hallway literally, and she guides him around because he keeps bumping into Everything

more personal thoughts below, feel free to read them or not

She is definitely wary of Toxin and Neight and I do not blame her sitting through their tracks was  painful

Yoru is the most sympathetic and nicest to her, I would like this to be endgame but I also have a bias towards ahem tsundere yankees, me with my face in my hands the entire time like how is he this cute

Byakuya is worrisome as expected but still cute, but I’m painfully biased- but he for sure had lines where I was like,   BOY YOU GOOD? The せんせ this makes sense(haha) now thank god I don’t have to sit here like  why tho. I haven’t  100% decided if I want to tl it as doc or dowcto but anyways he kind of sees her as a doctor because her blood is like a medicine makes his headaches go away (which we learn here he just has constantly)

Creha’s pretty indifferent overall, but that’s to be expected, it’s cute though

I’m very curious on how this with progress, especially with conflicting motivations Toxin and Neight are 100% like we’re bringing her to Germany Byakuya’s only doing it because he’s obviously terrified of Carnelian Creha wants nothing to do with this- he also wants to stay in Japan because games Yoru in particular I’m curious about because he seems like the only one that would willingly go against Carnelian 

CW: Abuse ment  I’ve kind of had like a feeling that Carnelian might have abused Byakuya just based on his reactions when he’s brought up, but there is one line in particular here that’s kind of cemented that for me, when Byakuya talks about having to bring her to Carnelian he freaks out a bit about how he absolutely can’t go against Carnelian’s words and also says something along the lines of “I don’t want to hurt anymore” I don’t think it would be a stretch to think that all five of them were abused in some way, but I feel like Byakuya and Creha in particular are the most  reactive? when he’s brought up, Byakuya’s anxiety/fear and Creha’s avoidance

[merry-pitchmas]

Pitchmas 2021

For a record sixth year in a row, it’s time to roll out the red carpet for Pitchmas!! 

So, grab your metaphorical glue sticks and pencils, haul out the wrapping paper and let’s get ready to make the season jolly af. 

Welcome to the sixth annual Merry Pitchmas Gift Exchange!!

Okay, so... how does this work?

If you would like to take part in the gift exchange, please REPLY to this post. Reblog all you want, but you won’t be included in the draw unless you reply. That’s just the easiest way for me to keep track of people. I’ll let this post circulate until December 1st. After that, I’ll throw all the names into a hat and randomly assign Secret Santas. Once you have your person, feel free to contact them (anonymously - this is supposed to be a secret) and ask any questions about what they might like in a gift. Pairings, favourite tropes, etc. And that brings me to another biggie:

To anyone who wants to take part in this, please change your ask settings to allow anonymous questions!!!

Otherwise, this won’t work. Every year I have quite a few people come to me telling me they can’t ask their giftee questions because of this. That means I have to try to get a hold of them, which slows the process down for everyone and drives me to drink. 

So please, even if you’re sure anon asks are allowed, double check that for me, okay?

Posting Date.

You can post your finished pieces starting December 24th. Please don’t post before this. Once the 24th rolls around, you can reveal yourself as your person’s Secret Santa by posting/scheduling your creation on your blog and @/tagging the person. Also, please tag your entry with #merry pitchmas 2021 so that I can find them all and combine them into a master post once everyone has posted.

But I don’t have any money!

You don’t need money for this! No, dear friends, all you need is some time and your imagination. You see, this exchange is all about getting creative. Your gifts can be fanfiction, fanart, gifsets, manips, and anything else that falls under the header of fanworks.

What pairings are accepted?

All pairings are welcome. However, please make a point of contacting your giftee if you aren’t sure which pairings they enjoy.

Also!

If you change your blog name between now and December 24th PLEASE let me know. It’s really, really difficult trying to hunt people down when this happens. 

And so, in closing!

This is all about having fun. You know what isn’t fun? Putting time and effort into giving someone a gift, only to not receive one yourself. Every time I’ve done this previously, there have been people who have said yes to taking part who have gotten their gift and then not followed through in giving theirs. Refused to reply to messages and left someone without anything. Luckily, there are some lovely, wonderful people who offer to help out and dedicate even more of their time to coming up with something for those people.

PLEASE DO NOT SAY YES IF YOU AREN’T PLANNING ON HOLDING UP YOUR END OF THIS.

It’s not fair.

If you aren’t going to be able to finish your gift in time, or at all, please let me know. That way I can contact the person you have and let them know it’ll be late or arrange for something else to be done for them.

Which reminds me…

Once again, I’ll be looking for volunteers I can hit up in the event that some people get missed and need replacement gifts. If you’re interested, shoot me a message on this blog. I’ll love you forever.

Remember!

This is all about having fun!! I started this so that everyone could have a good time in the fandom around the holiday season. So that people who may be headed towards a rough holiday season or who might not get gifts elsewhere will have something to look forward to and something to work on during what can either be a really great or really tough time of the year.

TL;DR:

Reply to this post to take part. Reblogs will not be included.

December 1st is the cut off date.

Posting date is December 24th - not a day before!

You don’t need money to take part - just a dash of creativity and the drive to want to do something.

Manips, videos, fanfic, and comics are just a few examples of the things you can do!

All pairings are welcome, but I strongly encourage all participants to ANONYMOUSLY message the person they have to ask questions about which they prefer.

If you change your name between now and the posting date, please send me a message to let me know. It takes a lot of time to track people down otherwise.

Please don’t leave someone hanging. If you have no intention of doing anything and just want someone to do something for you, don’t reply. It’s not fair.

HAVE FUN.

See you all soon! 

~Red