#I’ll just lose motivation
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I have like half of an enorace fanfic written down. It’s a short one, I’m thinking for it to be like 10k words at best, but yk yk—still a thing. (But up to this day I still have no idea how tags work on ao3. ……….)
#mphfpc#miss peregrines home for peculiar children#enorace#knowing myself I’ll probably abondon it anyways#but it’s not like i want to#I’ll just lose motivation#and die
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#PHEWWWW HI GANG#im writing this via tumblr web so bear with me but i hope everyone’s 2025 has started off well so far !!!!!! a lot has happened on my end#(the good and the bad but we are thugging it out!)#i’ve received very wholesome messages from my lovely moots which i’ve taken a sneak peek of and will be replying to when i get the time !!#anywho! i don’t know when i’ll be back on here bc my creative juices have been DRAINED so yeah :C i didn’t wanna leave completely so i#archived my acc for a bit while i sort things out :3 — my reason for doing so is mixed really. more on losing motivation and just basically#stuff to worry about irl BUUUUT i missed you all so much and me being here and making a post means its kinda getting better on my end so ya#prob not relevant but i’ll enable my asks again if anyone wants to leave anything so that i can come back to it again when i log on sjdnksj#also also i’ve been watching ‘the apothecary diaries’ s2 and its so amazing !! i also started ‘a sign of affection’ and let me tell you how#much i was kicking and rolling around my bed KSNDKSJ#gaming-wise i recently pulled for c0 arlecchino but lost her weapon to clorinde’s weapon 😭🙏🏼 but shes amazing and i love her gameplay sm!#AND AND OMG LADS.??. WELCOME BACK CALEBBBBBB OMGGG i havent done the main story yet but i’m excited !! i know ppl have mixed feelings over#him and his actions but hes so up my alley so ik im gonna be eating it up hehe. i did manage to pull for his standard 5 star which is#exciting too !!! anyway i want to try and get back into writing again because my mind has been brewing yet another heavy chrollo angst 😽#(i love putting my husband through grief)#or maybe i’ll start w finishing off a couple of loose ends from the fics i never finished 😭 (i’m so sorry)#welp that’s all from me !! i love u all <3
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tagged by ko @tofumilanesa for wip wednesday! big shout out to writevember for making me feel like i can actually call any of these works in progress… your guide to my emoji code under the cut
wip!
🪻🐈⬛ - the doc title is still just. YOWLING but i am like 7/8 of the way done with omega yamo fic and hopefully salem isn’t reading this so i can just drop it over a year later with no warning <3
🫃2️⃣ - DEWEY^2 P2!!!! she is almost done (i am lying) but she is so close i can almost taste it. sorry to my pwp that grew its own feelings baby
😇🤭 (🕒 -> 🕜) - rip i’m not telling you about this one until it’s posted but it IS complete aside from being ao3 formatted and the eight billion edits i inevitably do right before full-sending it
☁️💧 - cloud petey fic, which exists mostly as an embarrassingly large tag on a different blog and is condensing into a narrative about as well as water at 30° N/S. the time loop fic also falls under this description
eternally in progress (short list)
🌑🐕 - tyler borzoituzzi exists… there is an index of scenes/plot points… it plays like a movie in my head…
💯❕- fantastic! ‘verse
👁️👻 - stevie brandon seeing ghosts au, which has eight different (now nine i guess but you haven't seen the mustache adam post yet) plots. sorry
just. rotating like a microwave
🍎 - because they didn’t have a pomegranate emoji, this is what i used for the fic that feels like it should be a 50k connor bedard character study hanif abdurraqib/cathal kelly thesis about legends and mythmaking in sports and eating your young. yes i know pomegranates aren’t actually pomes and apples are but it’s fine
🦈 - the one cat da fuck they doing over there meme but about the sharks just like. in general. more on this at five
tagging @colap1nto, @songsandswords, @whitenikes, @gordiemeow, @acheronist, and anybody else who wants to share!!
#i regret to inform the public (beloved mutuals who read my tags) that we have hit the doldrums re: creativity.#got SO excited because i had no prep for tomorrow and got out unreasonably early and proceeded to do nothing 🤩 zero motivation/inspiration#anyway. being a big baby. have looked at dewey^2 for too long and now hate it which makes me sad because i was on SUCH a roll solving plot#and really i just need to pick something else from my (looks at smudged hand) 10000 other documents but none of them are calling my nameeee#maybe i’ll ao3 format 🕒 -> 🕜 or maybe i’ll read wandering stars (did finish a book this morning) and then hope something strikes me#preferably very aggressively like with the force of a train? OHHHHHH YOU GUYS MAYBE I COULD MAKE SOMETHING FOR HOLY JUMPING MACKEREL FEST#because you know what DID hit me upside the head like a 2x world champ coming from behind with the steel chair WAS BERGY & JOE GUESS WHO#joey first of all did not deserve to lose those games and second of all i am SO immensely delighted i don’t know if it’s on here yet i am#so sure at least one of my beloved drw moots (beth and nik are likely culprits but all of u would) has it on here yet BUT THERE’S SO MUCH#BERGY VERY BLATANTLY CALLING JOE A NERD BC HE KNOWS ALL ABT HIS TEAMMATES &LOVES THEM!! BERGY NOT KNOWING A SINGLE FUCKIN THING ABT ANYONE!#the absolute unsurprised yet still heartbroken disbelief & disappointment of joe saying ‘he uses black tape!’ oh that’s rent-free forever#anyway.#liv in the replies#p.s. it's fic friday now don't worry about how late i am#as always ask away ask about anything in post tags y'all know i love to yap u are always welcome in the inbox or dms#i was trying to be slightly less mysterious about all of these but i am a secret-keeper sorry and also you need to live inside my brain#in order to understand half of what i'm referencing sometimes. sorry.#also there are some un-hockey fic projects i want to do but i have. so little time in my life for anything sometimes that we will make do
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lowkey glad i got my wisdom teeth out now because im getting used to barely eating and i know once school starts im gonna have to start getting back in the rhythm of one meal a day because i don’t do lunch (vent in the tags mb)
#tw eating issues#i look thinner i think and i like that#im trying to keep up this eating pattern to get used to it when school starts#i’m learning how to keep my stomach from making noise which is good#it’s fucked up when i think about it but whatever#anyway i’ve been meaning to vent for a while about this#only thing im nervous about is having physics my third and second to last periods but ill figure it out#im trying to lose more weight#i think im doing good on my soup diet tbh#i’ll keep it going as long as i can#i hate how i feel after eating though#im considering learning how to water fast#i think that’ll help#anyway this git dark sorry#i’m fine im just in a bad headspace#i’ll be fine#ill stop when im satisfied#vent#i wanna go from small to extra small tbh#i wanna be thinner#i hate this#ive been dealing with it since i was twelve#whatever#tw ed#idk can u even call it an ed?#sometimes the only motivation i have is knowing if i keep eating im gonna look gross when i go out#i’ll be fine i’ll stop when i want#no one will even know it’ll be so easy#it makes me feel in control#like i’m in control here instead of the thoughts
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Panjosé (Donald Duck visits Japan edition)
#crispy’s art#the three caballeros#josé carioca#panchito pistoles#los tres caballeros#zé carioca#panchito romero miguel junipero francisco quintero gonzalez#panchito pistolas#HAVE ANY OF YOU READ THAT MANGA IT’S SO YEAH#The art style >>>>>>#It feels like an AU tbh#They feel kind of awkward but I like that it adds to the charm#Also in terms of art and posting. Like I have art to post I’ve just been kinda. Losing motivation to actually share my art#Idk like ion really feel like it anymore#So I’ll just post whenever I guess
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sometimes it’s late at night and you’re cleaning your room and you come across a few old black and white photos of a young girl and you stare at them for a long minute wondering how on earth they got lost in an old Kroger shopping bag with an unopened pack of cigarettes and a receipt dated 2017.
and you look at the girl in the pictures sat on the floor of someone’s home you don’t recognize, smiling and playing with a set of keys and a tiny part of you feels like it recognizes her but you aren’t sure.
and you flip the pictures over hoping to find some sort of annotation that would give you context and all you find is the year 1964 stamped in tiny font along the edge.
and you flip them back over and time stands still as you realize that the recognition you feel is because she looks so much like you once did and next thing you know your hands are sweating and shaking and you have to sit on the floor because you’re crying so hard because it hits you all at once that you’re looking at your mother.
#hey Siri play In Color by Jamey Johnson for me please#music stuff#you should’ve seeeeen it in cooolllloor#Seven.txt#Seven’s Public Diary#normal Sunday night behavior#me? up all night hyperfocused on cleaning out my depression cave to achieve a sense of change and accomplishment -#- and ignoring every other aspect of my life including abandoning time sensitive tasks lest i get distracted and lose all motivation???#more likely than you think!#i’ve been at this since new years and i’m only like. halfway done. Gods help me#like i don’t mean ‘cleaning’ as in doing some light dusting. i mean there’s junk and trash piled 2/3rds of the way to the ceiling#when i call this room my depression/mental illness cave i Mean it#but no longer. i shall finally return this room to an acceptable state for the first time since. uh. 2022? i think?#i found a plastic container of dates buried under some laundry and the sticker says they’re from March of last year lmao#i forgot about those/thought i threw them away. but they were thankfully sealed so well that they hadn’t drawn any bugs#and oddly enough hadn’t even visibly molded/gone bad. but i didn’t open them up for a smell test i just chucked ‘em in my giant trash bag#i’m finding all kinds of shit i forgot i even had which is nice but it’s also distracting me like those pictures did#i’ll have to show them to her and ask her about them tomorrow#and ur probably like ‘u found old pics of a girl that looks like you why didn’t you immediately recognize ur own mom’#and 1. there’s countless pics of countless old relatives around this house that i barely/don’t recognize and never even met#and 2. i’ve barely ever seen any pics of my mom from such a young age so i have no images to reference in my mind#and it just fucked me up bc. i don’t look like her anymore. i only see Him in the mirror. but i Used to look like her. i’m turning into him#and i fucking hate it so much. i don’t like that she looks at me and sees him. great now i feel sick.#anyways thats enough reminiscing i need to get some water and food in me and get back to cleaning. i shan’t rest until i’m satisfied#well. my period + depression combo kinda Did make me rest which is why it’s taken 5 days but still. the horrors persist but so do i#it’s not just for the sense of accomplishment tho. i also need to move the 75gal tank out of the living room thanks to the floor situation#so i’m trying to make room in my room for it since it has the newest & strongest floor. i just need to find a level spot thats big enough#my back is gonna be so fucked after all this cleaning that i’ll have to rest for a fucking week before moving that heavy ass glass box#i hate moving big aquariums it makes me so anxious. and i literally don’t know if i’ll have anyone capable of helping me#so it might not even happen and it’ll just have to sit empty in the living room forever. but Maybe he can/will help me
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#this is just for me#i need to vent#because i am honestly starting to lose hope#what even is the point#i haven’t seen my friends in ages#every time i ask someone out they reject me#every time i try to have fun i am basically invisible#so that is definitely not motivating to “change#all i see are happy people and i’m just here#i want to die#i really hope one more bad thing happens to me so maybe then i’ll have the bravery to end all of this#messed up#tw sui ideation#i can’t do this#can’t talk to anyone about it because apparently my feelings don’t matter#i’m always the bad guy#no matter what i do#well don’t worry soon you won’t have to deal with me anymore
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ALSO I’ve decided that I’m gonna continue to tell Distorted Illusions out of order, healing arc comics HERE I COMEE >:]
#just cuz I have so many scenes I wanna make into comics alreadyyy and I don’t wanna forget them/lose motivation#painted illusions will be the series I’ll keep posting in order#just to keep it fair ig#rozu thoughts
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So I have made a horrible decision
And that is to try and animate THE ENTIRETY of chapter 44 (and a little bit of chapter 43) of Crooked Kingdom because I am a madwoman and Kanej has been rotting my brain for the past few days since I finished the duology and seeing as I so stubbornly refuse to look up any fanart or fanfics of the two until I’m also finished with the King of Scars duology I have taken it upon myself to at least TRY and make some king of content out of that moment
#i don’t know how I will do this#if I dont’ lose motivation after 3 days it’ll take me at least a year-#but I just have this VIVID image of the look and feel of it#I’d love for it to have actual spoken dialogue but I don’t think I’ll be able to find anyone willing to do it#because who in their right mind would want to do what is basically dubbing of a book#for an animation that is being made by someone even younger than the characters in the actual scene 💀#and this might also be the moment where I take the time and learn garage band#because music would add quite a bit to the scene methinks :]#anyways I’ll give updates here and there if I remember#fingers crossed I don’t give up immediately 🫡#animation#wip ideas#six of crows#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#kanej#kaz brekker x inej ghafa#crooked kingdom#grishaverse#smartie speaks#smartie draws
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im so tempted to post some drafts that aren’t totally perfect or as finished as i want but if i let them sit any longer they will never see the light of day :(
#mic talks#it’s the smut ones y’all they’re killing me#i’ll get a good flow then boom lose all motivation to finish#pun intended#just a little
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Do you keep up with splatoon? If so are you looking forward to the next season? くコ:彡
Ouuuu I know the new season and dlc are already out I sadly haven’t had the time to play mostly cause I feel like I don’t have the right mentality to play atm (like competitively via turf war or anarchy battles salmon run is 50/50 cause im not playing against players) I do hope I can pick it up soon I miss playing w my Squiffer weapon
#i stared to fumble around early January and just didn’t feel as motivated to play (i was losing a lot that also discouraged me)#so I hope my energy to play Splat 3 comes back#i didnt complete last season’s catalogue </3 doubt I’ll complete the new one#ask txt
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honestly. i am so so done with my body’s bullshit by now. can it please just fucking get it together
#found a lump. for the first time. which I mean is probably nothing#but still. i don’t need this extra stress okayyyy#hmm…. I’ll just call my doctor tomorrow to hear what I should do#i need to call him anyways. so this might motivate me to do it now#own post#also. it’s a breast lump. and I know I shouldn’t assume the worst but IF (!!) it should be cancerous a breast is pretty easy to remove#if I had to choose a body part to get rid of I think the breasts are pretty high up there. might give gender dysphoria but that’s all then#(not to diminish that. but I’d prefer gender dysphoria over losing say a leg. I think that’s impact me more)
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i have an unhinged neighbor who hates me and watches my door for me to take out my trash so she can dig through it and dump whatever she doesn’t approve of back on my doorstep, which last time was accompanied by a threatening note taped to my door, which has given me quite a lot of (i feel) reasonable anxiety regarding taking my trash out? anyway i’ve been letting garbage pile up in my room so i don’t inconvenience my roommates (she doesn’t seem to mind the general apartment waste, it’s mainly my shit she doesn’t like because i’m disabled and throw away a lot of nutritional shake cartons that are made of cardboard but not technically recyclable, and she thinks i’m being “lazy” and that’s somehow her business) and bc lack of spoons, and i keep meaning to bag it all up at once and dump it on the curb late at night right before pickup day, so she doesn’t have time to snoop, but i’ve been having a bunch of bad days and i keep missing pickup day but!! today i finally bagged up the worst of it and while i can’t take it out until tomorrow night bc pickup was this morning and they won’t come back til wednesday, i feel like a fucking superhero
#personal#counting this as a victory even though the only extra large trash bags i have are scented#so now i’m stuck with a scented bag in my room for the next 2 days so i’m gonna feel like roadkill#but at least there’s not just like. food cartons strewn all over anymore!#go me!#i even separated out a huge bag of recycling so if she sees that maybe she’ll leave me alone#it makes me kind of sad how steeply my capacity for completing tasks has diminished that this is all i’m going to be able to do today#but i’ll take what i can#i did throw a bunch of the non-recyclable cartons into my recycling bag which i know is rude to the sanitation guys#i’m very sorry sanitation guys#but i’m hoping they’ll fine the building so that the next time she accosts me management will have motivation to shut her down#because they don’t care about tenant disputes if they’re not losing money#and no matter how unspeakably rude she is i am absolutely not calling the cops on a clearly unwell woman for any reason whatsoever
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EEEK good morning friends & happy sunday !! ◝(* ´ᗜ`)◜ i’m wishin’ all of you the bestest day EVAAA and givin’ each of you a smoochie of your own !! <3
remember that there are always new days to come, so if this one doesn’t live up how you’d like it to, there’s always tomorrow !! 🍓
#teehee it’s been a super busy past couple of days !! T^T#m’ so sorry to everyone who has sent me an askie </3#i will get to answering all of them today !! ^_^#also hopefully workin’ on my wip i posted a while ago :3 supa excited !!#hopefully i dont lose motivation for it but ITS ALMOST DONE !! just about… 10 or so chapters left ?? ^_^#i am now at my yaya’s house & stayin’ here for a bit !! its too hot to go home and not have ac but my mom doesn’t seem to mind it </3#it’s an early mornin’ but i already had my waffles so im ready to take on today’s adventures !! :>#i don’t have work until wednesday so IM FREE !! YIPEEE !! definitely am not in the mood to work so that break is well needed <3#all of my hours are getting cut ( very unfairly… unfortunately )#but !! its oki cuz i dont spend my money except on figs so <3 i’ll be okay !! >_<#might draw a chibi sheet today… mayhaps… im not sure but i definitely wanna try !! >//<#oki i’ll wrap this yap up !! SMOOCHIN’ ALL OF YOU !! <3 🍓#lene’s latest (´༥`)ֹ ₊
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#vent#vent post#cw negative#Seven’s Public Diary#wish i wasn’t so fucking worthless and useless and stupid and selfish and mean#i am just so goddamn sick of my own bullshit. but i never change#i’m so tired of being weighed down by my 56492 mental illnesses. i don’t like being like this#my sleep schedule is so fucked up again and im tired of this constant cycle#this constant fight and endless effort to stay on a goddamn routine#all i want for christmas is a goddamn consistent sleep schedule#i hate sleeping through the day and being up all night but it’s like my body was fucking built for that or something#i don’t like it!! i want to be an early bird who goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up before the sun rises!!! but im the exact opposite!!!!!!!#i wish i just didn’t need to sleep at all. that would be the ideal. so many problems would be solved.#no i Really wish i just had the ability to fall asleep and wake up whenever i actually Want To instead of my body calling the shots#fell asleep at 9 this morning and im so mad that i didn’t get up when i was woken up at 11#a 2hr nap would’ve been fine and i would’ve made it through the rest of the day and been able to fucking sleep again tonight#but noOOooOoOo i had to give in to the allure of my warm cozy bed and fall back asleep for 9 more goddamn hours#now once again im too awake and rested to be able to go back to sleep. but once morning rolls around im gonna be exhausted again#and i’ll either give in and attempt to take a ‘nap’ and it’ll turn into a 12hr sleep again#or i’ll have to like. walk laps around the fucking house just to keep myself awake through the day#and i’ll be super irritable as a result and make everyone around me miserable too#but everyone is already beyond fed up with my issues and behavior. rightly so i guess. so i lose either way#god there was so much stuff i was gonna/supposed to do today#i don’t know how much longer they’re gonna put up with me being such a deadbeat#you think that’d like. motivate me to get my shit together or something but no. i’m addicted to being unconscious i guess#sleep feels so fucking good. until i wake up. which is funny bc it’s all nightmares and stress dreams anyway. why do i even enjoy sleeping#i guess bc for the first few hours after waking up i experience some modicum of relief from my other mental illnesses’ symptoms#like a soft reset.#and it’s the Only thing that gets rid of my migraines so god forbid i get one of those bc then i Have to sleep regardless of the time of day#anyways! :) that’s enough whining for one vent post. time to go do something productive
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i think it’s time for another social break.
#to be clear this isn’t in relation to current events#it’s just about my personal life.#I’m back stuck in that cycle where I feel like I don’t have friends > I lose energy and motivation to socialize#& seeing stuff w other people who are Not in that cycle makes it. so much worse. lol.#yes yes hypocrite moment I know I’m also busy I know adult life makes it hard etc etc I’m still going to feel#emotions about it.#idk as much as I say living near people would be ideal for happy surface reasons truthfully I think if I’m not in someone line of sight#I get forgotten#like roommates are great (sometimes) bc forced proximity means there’s something built in#I say plural bc I also know you need to rotate socially. better for everyone involved.#like idk. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way or how to break out of it#and getting my ass away from social media is really the only way I know to stop me from getting Extremely hurt and jealous lmao#I’m bad at maintaining connection after a while and I think bc at the start of friendships I usually Do have the energy to be the ‘starter’#or planner or w/e when I start to wane a bit it goes unnoticed. so it’s back into the cycle. and I’m not sure if this will ever stop being#a thing for me? also I can’t blame anyone for seeing that and Not wanting to reach out bc like. why would you#as great as I can be short term I don’t feel like I’m worth the trouble once I pass a certain ‘expiration date’#so as much as I’d want to be more mad about it I can’t really be bc I Get It. I do. but it’s still depressing.#it’s so stupid of me really bc I do this ridiculous thing where I’ll Light Up when I feel like someone’s interested bc it’s nice!#its a nice feeling! so naturally it’ll make me perk up a bit more even if I’m feeling otherwise low#and it doesn’t take much so maybe I’m giving the impression I take effort? idk I know I can be skittish at first. I don’t want to come on#strong or annoying. (we’re all annoying kill the cringe etc etc but if you want friends you need to sync up at least)#but maybe that’s off putting?? I don’t know. I’m out of ideas on how to be.#I haven’t even had the energy to make content or really even think about my characters bc it feels like there’s no point. sometimes in the#past I could at least rely on that a bit to be a sort of bridge to reach out to people with but I just don’t feel like I’m able to.#the posts I made just steadily got less and less interest over the spring and summer and I always felt like#in servers I’d just suck the air out of the room bc people felt polite but uninterested.#everyone else was also able to move past and be friends outside of that and I just never could manage even over multiple years sometimes#and over time that’s just weighed on me a lot. no matter where I go I always end up feeling like I’m supposed to be temporary#social filler. how do you end up meeting people when it just constantly recoil from your efforts?#being weird isn’t as fun when it’s the Wrong Kind.
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