#I’d love every second
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They would have thrived as Scrubs characters
#house md#scrubs#what i would have given for just an episode where they have to interact with Dr. Cox#gregory house#james wilson#seeing Wilson and Elliot in an enclosed space would be a horror scenario#I’d love every second#I’m no Superman🚶♂️‼️🗣️
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rewatched madoka magica again today bc i fucking hate myself and to absolutely no one’s surprise i went through all five stages of grief in a single evening
#let’s talk about sayaka miki for a second#genuinely the fact that her whole character is centered around tragedy almost to a shakespearean extent#she’s selfless and brave and values her justice and righteousness above all. calls herself an ally of justice#in fact i think it’s rather intriguing how her whole character is centered around “justice”#her story being a more twisted retelling of the original little mermaid#how she is initially portrayed as a very heroic and confident character even before becoming a magical girl. always shielding madoka#selling her soul to heal the boy she loved out of a selfless desire to see him well again#her being absolutely distraught abt being robbed of her humanity and betrayed by kyubey#she combats this harrowing realization by immersing herself in her duties not caring that she is slowly deteriorating in the process#becoming numb with pain and fighting recklessly and psychotically trying to drown out the pain#finally coming to the sickening conclusion that humanity doesn’t deserve her saving and she succumbs to a fate of her making#last words being “i was so stupid” which trumps her previous statement of “there’s no way i’d regret this”#ALSO? the fact that her costume and weapon are symbolic of a knight. she rly portrays this hero of justice who will protect and defend ☹️#i think abt the fact that homura said that sayaka’s wish was so selfless it was only a matter of time before she died#sayaka being the example of what happens to magical girls who go through the entire cycle and eventually become witches is so sad to me#genuinely just like. sick and twisted#very very fucked up.#characters who have their own misconstrued interpretation of “justice” or who are centered around justice in general.#you will always be dear to me.#sayaka reminds me a lot of akechi in some ways ngl#harboring an almost idealized vision of justice but it slowly rots and festers and corrupts their hearts the more immersed w it they become#actually losing their sanity when they fight bc of how much pain they’re in but refuse to acknowledge it until they break#refusing any help and wallowing in misery despite having ppl who love them and want to save them#last words are those expressing regret for being such a fool. for being ignoring#being used by yhe main villain as a stepping stone towards their true goal. they were merely a pawn#also doomed in every version of their reality. always doomed by the narrative no matter what choices they make#i have a type i fear#HAHAHAH ALSO the fact that they’re both dressed so regally compared to everyone else in their respective series#meant to portray them in a virtuous and princely light. only made more apparent by the sword being their weapon of choice#i’m gonna shut up now but they’re soo eerily similar its unnerving tbh 💀
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all fun and games with this mf until the kitty cards come out
#IM SO MAD I’D BEEN ON A WINNING STREAK THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THIS BITCH BEATS MY ASS EVERY GAME#sometimes by one point at the last second i’m still so fucking mad#love and deepspace sylus#lnds sylus#l&ds sylus#lads sylus#sylus x mc#love and deepspace
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OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.
#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter.#he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point.#and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!!#hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do!#the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into-#one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT.#but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb.#I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time.#and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances.#and doesn’t want to hear any excuse.#but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment.#NOW. CHAPTER 17.#UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN#Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC.#IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!!#BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’#WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM.#(NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.)#and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through.#despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up.#like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him.#that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying.#just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner.#IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD.#and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore.#he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had.#and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT.#<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but.#eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind.#I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags
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What if I made a 10 hour long YouTube video dissecting every single journey to the west reference/contradiction/adaptation in monkie kid
What if
#if my IRLs aren’t gonna watch the show and let me pause every 2 seconds to monologue then I’ll just do it myself#ik a lot of them are pretty obvious but there’s lot of fun Easter eggs I’d love to rant about#plus some of the ways they changed the source material have funny implications#:3#lego monkie kid#monkie kid#lmk#post!#journey to the west#jttw
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🧡HAPPY 🧢FRANKIE🧢 FRIDAY🧡
How are you all doing, my darling Orange bedroom besties?
If anyone’s looking for me, I’m hiding inside Frankie’s truck 🧡
#this week#a rollercoaster of emotions#and now David Lynch went and died#and I’m so sad#and my bff is even sadder#and it’s breaking me heart#anyway#I also received the best Christmas present ever from my love Kelli#I should say presentS#and it carried me through the week#also I’d like you all to know that I spend every second I can spare revising chapter 6#I’m stuck on the smut because I can’t write smut when I’m sad but it’s nearly ready#you have no idea how guilty I feel for taking so long#anyway I’ll shut up now#happy Frankie Friday#the pilot™️
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my teacher almost hit me with his car today btw that was fun
#okay i was in a crosswalk#like i was walking across the crosswalk (where the cars are supposed to stop i think idk—maybe i was in the wrong 😭)#and he just comes zooming at me like sir youre in a school zone first off and second off i believe you’re supposed to stop there??#i’m fine dw it was a little love tap#i have smth to hold over his head now when i want extra credit lol#misc#alaska’s irl bullshit#if i had a nickel for every time ive been nearly run over by a car i’d have two nickels which isn’t a lot but it’s weird it happened twice#(first time was when my brother was driving and he nearly ran my foot over but missed thank god lmao)#i’m fine btw! i lived to tell the tale lol
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#hellsing#hellsing ultimate#seras victoria#alucard hellsing#walter c dornez#a#those like 2 seconds of dialogue between Walter and seras hands down best scene like DUUUUUUDE#*seras interacts with literally any character* ‘omg they have the best dynamic in all of hellsing’#I LOVE HER SO MUCH AHHHGHHGGH every dynamic is great because she at her core is such a loving and passionate person that it bleeds into all#other facets of her life like FUCK man even after the betrayal she thanks Walter like she’s been through hell and seen the worst in people#yet she still sees the good in them!!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#unrelated but currently very emotional about my 3ds and Pokemon and the beauty of existing authentically#I found my first (caught) shinies!!!!! I found a rattata when I first got heartgold and my brother tried to coach me through but I killed it#so then I’d been playing b2 and was in the ranch and I got this patrat and azuril within 30 minutes of each other#and then seeing other Pokémon that I transferred up or that I got from my brother and the ones my friend traded me#and then like my 3ds is a Time Capsule to 2015 when I figured out I can use the internet on this thing#girlie was on ao3 and I’ll keep some of my dignity but it’s endearing in a sort of way. that was my life once!#people and the passage of time is so sexy. being able to grow and see yourself change as a person. Pokemon.#I got like this a few months ago going through the camera on my 3ds. I have like no photos of me from 8-12so it’s like. woah!! that’s me!!!
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tiktokers be like “I am going to create the most beautiful, relaxing, aesthetically pleasing video ever, with gorgeous lighting, and deeply satisfying content”. …….. “and then I’m going to cut the video fifty thousand times in thirty seconds-”
#chatting tag#WHY. WHY. PLEASE.#I swear like every gifset I ever see that comes from tiktok is like the most gorgeous shit I’ve ever seen in my life#(specifically those videos of food that have really sunny lighting. OUGH that’s my SHIT)#but then EVERY TIME there’s like 5 cuts in every single individual gif. and it drives me crazy#don’t get me wrong they are good gifsets and it is not the gif makers fault. and obviously I know why the tiktok makers do that#bc there’s such a short time limit on the videos and they want to keep their attention and what not#but I swear to god they will make cuts that are SO FUCKING UNNECESSARY like just cutting literal milliseconds out of a satisfying shot.#which makes it no longer as satisfying. why. why do you do this to me.#listen I just have this secret rule that I never use gifs that have any cuts in them at all in my boards#unless they’re like really really nice. but even then like only two cuts max or I go crazy. I don’t like how weird and choppy it looks!!!!#so then like all of the prettiest gifs ever. I can’t use. BC THERES SO MANY GIDDAMN CUTS#like there’s so many videos I’d want to make gifs of but you can’t even get like a millisecond long gif out of it without including cuts 😭😭#ugh. anyways. that was my unnecessarily petty and extensive rant that I’ve just been holding in for a while. sorry.#also sorry but the other thing that bothers me is that stupid logo taking up half the gif.#one of my othe hyper specific secret rules is that I cannot use any gif that has a visible logo or watermark on it bc it drives me nuts#and like. not to rag on gif makers. bc gif makers are the most wondrous thing in the entire world and everything they do is great.#but I DO know a REALLLYYY easy way to download TikTok’s without the watermark it’s so simple it would take like two seconds. please. for me#just look up tiktok video downloader there’s like four good functional websites immediately. it’s so easy#let’s all start doing this pls we could make the most perfect gifsets ever without that ugly ass logo#(again not mad at gifmakers. I love u gifmakers. muah.)
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I totally believe you, but I'd be interested to see your receipts of haitham being nice if you're willing to share~
hello weary traveler please take a look at my wares~
top ten (read: 3) reasons alhaitham is a SWEETIE w/ receipts:
1) he’s got really good manners:
*leaves to the entrance to wait patiently for you so he can say goodbye* and i just like how offended he seems at the implication in the last one
these voicelines in particular stick out to convey that he doesn’t really want to be responsible for causing others trouble:
also tbh basically all of his about lines are just him talking about people’s good qualities, which always makes me a little sad when i think about most of the voicelines about him in comparison rip
here’s some faves though tighnari’s especially sticks out in regard to alhaitham being nice i think:
2) he does a lot of things for other people:
“i’m not going to field any questions” proceeds to take us to his house, gather a bunch of books to help us understand, and then field all of our questions🤔 also just the entire concept of him being able to be talked into being acting grand sage at ALL
also not included but little things like taking the time to teach us how to use the knowledge capsules, taking the aaru villager’s feelings into account/getting shani to talk, and just generally taking the time to carefully address the rest of The Squad’s™️ questions/concerns during sumeru’s archon quests
3) and perhaps some people will disagree with this one but i just think he has a very kind view of humanity:
(⬆️ from sq also not cropped cause pretty🥰)
i feel that if someone is so intimately aware of the limits and faults of humanity while also still having an innate curiosity about other people and an affinity for finding people’s positive qualities it’s indicative of an inherently kind/forgiving way of thinking
i can and will defend any of these examples if anyone disagrees😤 i spend every moment of my life ready for a debate😤
but seriously lol idk there’s just SO MUCH that he does and says that can be interpreted as kind if you look for it and connect it, like this isn’t even all the examples i could think of off the top of my head
also thank you anon for giving me an excuse to talk about him and how he is GOOD i owe you my life sorry for adding so much lol
my sources for your convenience: SQ = alhaitham’s story quest, TP = teapot dialogue, KH = kaveh’s hangout, PoP = the parade of providence event
#edit: i decided to make this my pinned because actually everyone needs to know😤#genshin impact#alhaitham#gi alhaitham#asks#he means everything to me#sorry for lacking archon quest examples im about to replay it on my second account#and i didn’t want to get tempted into watching a youtube play through instead if i went to get screenshots#anyway genshins really cool i love how there’s so much room for interpretation with characters because of the amount/lack of info they give#it’s fun!!#also very sorry to kaveh enjoyers that i didn’t address him much#i was trying to limit how long this post could be#also i think alhaithams ‘i want to study him like a bug’ mentality doesn’t come off as nice to everyone lol#insane though i’d love for someone to study me like a bug🥰#top ten asks that test my self restraint to not post 8 billion words about alhaitham every day
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Fall of the House of Usher???? Stunning, amazing, iconic.
#I didn‘t think I’d enjoy it this much just based on the corporate setting#but that was a wild ride and I loved every second of it#mike flanagan doesn’t miss fr#i would say more but no spoilers obv#fothou#mike flanagan
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planning document must be going well I just said the words “explaining the endurance of Platonism could be the life I’m living” to myself. Alone. At 2:30am. Because yeah. Could be.
#mrowmrowmrowmrowmrow I should be able to submit the word nya and the word nya alone in place of a second chapter#tumblr gets my planning thoughts because. yeah#I fucking hate chapter 2 so much for being a relations chapter in what began as a relations dissertation#on one hand I feel like I’m insane if I don’t talk about Origen in ReHashing Christian Neoplatonism The Dissertation but on the other hand#it is disingenuous to talk about incorporation of Platonism without addressing the vehement arguments against it#like I was there going what I would love is a good writer/writers between Justin+clem and Augustine and went well big issue is most of the#writings between actively addressing christianity and Platonism as a shared logos are arguing by against so#there is that#(I am at peace ish with the arbitrary decision to do Justin and clem for ch1 because I do think apologetics is the best genre to illustrate#the shift I’m discussing; ideal world would have me using every writer ever but. my supervisor says I can’t do that so)#but also it is so bullshit arbitrary relations chapter#I think it weakens my argumentation as opposed to contextualising it or adding complexity#it’s just like oh you were told to show opposing views and you did#clap clap whatever#I don’t know what it’s saying#in theory I’d love to find something about the root of the difficult of reconciling the two#but also what if I don’t find that#what then#Augustine must be discussed but otherwise every other writer is more or less arbitrary short of perhaps the issue of orthodoxy#but also that is what I get for doing a deeply arbitrary capstone as opposed to something with teeth#past Lewis deciding surely I will find something of substance if I engage in investigation of something I find interesting falling into the#eternal trap of contemporary humanities#things could be framed as an examination of how ideas get incorporated into canon#but also then it’s like why this as an example#and then it’s like well maybe there’s teeth in examining whether this was a part of platonism’s endurance and#you can spend a life explaining the endurance of Platonism#you can’t just say that in your introduction and conclusion and call it a day#connecting to medieval receptions is perhaps my only hope but why do medieval receptions matter I don’t know I am not a medievalist#and i fear I could spend a lifetime examining that#capstone
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Genuinely can’t tell if I’m being a bit delusional with my dreams or if not 😅 I soooooo badly want to quit my job before the summer but I feel like I need to have everything Ready and be Making Money before I justify quitting - I’m just so worried I will pour all this time and effort and energy in and have it flop 🥲
#and if it does that’s ok I’ll get a different job#but I’m so ready for it to work and I’m so worried it won’t#and just every second I spend here make me feel like my soul is being sucked out#personal#rabbit rambles#Ive been working on logos and brand colors and graphics and stuff#and I just wanna focus on it 100%#and I’d have so much more time#but I’m so scared it won’t take off or work or be sustainable#to be honest I’m not looking for Millions of Dollars#but I’d love to be able to do it full time …..
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The difficult thing about openly blogging about healing and going through a long period of growth publicly is the feeling of “I’m not doing super great, and it’s worse than it has been before” springs to mind, but for the X number of times you’ve said it in the past, it feels more trivial. And maybe that’s a sign that things have always been an up and down sort of pattern, and that it will pass again, but maybe it also serves to feel more isolating in not having the words or energy anymore to describe how it is *this* time. And it is a position that changes day to day, and on better days it feels more passable, and on worse the void feels more vast. The mere fact that it changes is probably a good sign, that nothing ever has to be set in stone. But boy are some days so, so dreadful.
#I guess a measure would be this feels like pre-move out times right now#when I was (physically) in a bad and unsafe place#and moving out has had its own stressors and anxieties#but the dread I feel is very reminiscent of another older time before then#I recently visited Texas with Spider and Sarah and Doc#we stayed at my parent’s place so it was definitely a mixed bag#I wish I wasn’t so messed up after every visit there#I thought it’d be better or easier with company after this time#but due to a variety of factors I’ve left the experience more tattered than I’d like#they had fun and it wasn’t a bad trip#but it wasn’t a great trip for me personally for loaded reasons#Spider knows to check in on me more in the coming days and weeks so that is good#FUCK man also I love this new song that came out but I CANNOT listen to it anymore and had to remove it from my playlist#because I kind of associate it with the trip now and it makes me cry every time I hear it haha#second song I ever had to do that with!!#I’m okay#just so very tired.
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I really need to get serious about personal projects again
#I think I said something like this last year too lol#currently in a weird headspace about it#the biggest reason why I lost focus on them was bc I prioritized engaging in fandom#(something that I never really did when I was focused on publishing a few years back)#so part of me feels like in order to make considerable progress on projects again I need to cut myself off from fandom#and I kinda have been weening myself off a bit from animanga but not really for that reason#it was mostly bc I was getting overwhelmed by how much I was consuming and I wanted to appreciate things fully#I don’t think I’d cut myself off from fandom completely either I’d still try to keep up with stuff#but the idea of not engaging in fandom anymore kinda.. scares me?#idk I feel like a major loser admitting this lol#it just feels like I’d lose a lot of connections with people#and would lose a lot of the love I have for stories if I’m not actively interacting with them :(#and then there’s also that stupid feeling of being a ‘fake fan’ because I’m not dedicating every single second of free time to fandom#which is dumb bc like I have a life and need to make money yknow I got things to do#im just Stressed bc I’m at such a critical stage career wise and im getting closer to 26 so hhhhh healthcare coverage will be up in the air#so I really can’t afford to dawdle#there’s just so much I wanna do and while I’m not necessarily racing to get it done I still want to take advantage of the time I have#but it also sucks feeling like I’m giving up a part of myself to progress on another part of myself#I don’t think any of this makes sense sorry I just needed to dump my thoughts bc I am Terrified™️#anyway personal projects! gotta get back to those !#blahblahbills#delete later
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i need to *remembers making suicide jokes is bad for my mental health* move out of my house
#not even a joke i actually do#if it were possible to move out right this second i would#i am actively dying here#my soul is being crushed as we speak#but also i’m so fucked without this house being my safety net#even tho half the time it’s the cause of all my misery#i need to leave the house more but also i need to get away from my family#but also i feel like a giant bitch for even thinking that#fellas is it selfish to want your own life and not have to share literally every part of it with your family?#my sisters are so lucky i wish i had my own house with a partner#there’s also bills and taxes and other horrible shit but at least i’d be free#anyways i love getting my hopes up for the future only for my brain to laugh and go ‘AS IF!!!’#we are never getting out of here lads!!!#let’s rot away yippie!!!!
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