#I’d just be so fucking guy doing the same shit LMAO

[whiskey-tango-matcha]

Before & After (M, flu)

You guys ready for a big, contagion-filled behemoth of a fic? Well, get ready because that's what this is lmao. Everyone gets to be sick for this one! It's written in kind of the same style as Then & Now, where we're flashing back to moments in time pre-Elliot's (the 'befores' are all 'before they all worked at Elliot's' and the 'afters' are the main story, they all happen in the same week), but this time all the guys get a fun lil flashback lol. This was a really fun write, I don't love every single part of it but I do really love some moments. Found family, my beloved.

CW: Male snz, CONTAGION (like... like a lot), flu (nothing scary happens though, they're just all extra-sick. maybe less flu, more cold-plus lmao), coughing, fevers. Also maybe a little TW for family problems, neglect, etc. Nothing crazy, but everyone gets a little familial gut punch.

Okay, enough chitchat. 6K words (oops) under the cut! I hope you like it if you decide to read it! It's crazy long, so I understand if no one wants to work their way through this one lmao, but if you do I'd love to hear any feedback, good, bad, or otherwise :)

Before & After

After

This year, like all the years before it, Greyson was the one who brought the flu into the restaurant.

“Oh, Christ,” Elijah moaned the moment the chef walked into the office. “C’mon man, it’s March. I figured we’d finally broken the curse.”

Greyson rolled his eyes, pushed past his boss, and slammed himself into the second rolling chair. “I’mb fine,” he said, his voice breaking on the second syllable. “Also, Mbarch is still winter, in mby defense. Hh-! Huhh… hnnn.” The chef rubbed under his nose, an attempt to coax the sneeze out that – “Hhh! Hh – guhhh, fuck mbe” – did not work.

“Bless you,” Elijah said, a dig that prompted a watery glare from Greyson. “March is not still winter.”

Annoyed, Greyson pulled out his phone and typed ‘when does winter end’ into google. When he got the answer he was hoping for, he pushed the phone to the other side of the desk – March 20 shone bold on the screen. Elijah pushed the phone with a pen back towards Greyson. “I’m not interested in touching your infected phone, thanks.”

“Just wanted to prove I was riiii – hh… hh -? Huh – hhhh. Snf.” Once again, Greyson raised an arm to catch a sneeze that staunchly refused to come. He glanced over at Elijah with watering, irritated eyes; the other man’s face was a mix between pity and disgust. “What?” he snapped.

Both of Elijah’s hands shot up; poking the bear was obviously not the right call today. “Nothing,” he said. “That just sounds fairly miserable. Can’t wait for all of us to be in the same boat. Definitely one of my favorite traditions you’ve bestowed on us.”

Greyson sighed, which prompted a flurry of barking, painful coughs. It was only eleven in the morning, but he felt as defeated as though he’d already worked a brutal shift. “It’s too busy for mbe to leave,” he said once he’d regained control of his spasming lungs. “It’s restaurant week, for God’s sake. Any other Tuesday, I’d just go home,” Greyson glanced up at his boss and shrugged, apologetic. “Sorry, Lij.”

Elijah pulled a weary hand down his face. “I shouldn’t be surprised,” he said. “Since this literally happens every single fucking year. But god, Grey, you certainly could’ve picked a better week.”

“Do you thingk I want to feel like shi – hh! Huh – HRRTSHHZCH-ue! Fucking finally,” Greyson nearly moaned in relief. He grabbed the tissue box that Elijah had placed on his side of the desk and tore into it. “In mby defense,” he said once he’d thrown the used tissues away, “at least this year I haven’t brought ndearly as much shit into the restaurant. I feel like mbaybe you should congratulate mbe on that. Hh...hhITSZCHH-ue!”

“Bless,” Elijah said, rolling his chair more towards the door to try and avoid the worst of the backsplash. “Yeah, Grey, you’re absolutely right, I should absolutely thank you for not bringing a thousand illnesses a month into the restaurant. What a normal and hinged thing to think.”

This prompted a stuffy laugh from the chef. “Whatever,” he said. “Ndot mby fault that Reed picked up sombe airport flu. What do you expect mbe to do, sequester mbyself fromb him? It’s a thousand-square-foot apartment, Lij. Sequestering isn’t exactly its selling point.”

“Mmm,” Elijah murmured, clicking his computer off. “Are you okay to work, honestly?” He placed a rough hand onto Greyson’s forehead, frowned at what he felt. “You’re hot.”

“Aww, see that’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear fromb you,” Greyson placed a hand on his heart as he pushed his boss’s hand off his head. “I’ll mbake it through,” he said, standing to put a chef coat on. “Try ndot to get too close. HRRSZCH-ue! Hh -! HUHESTZHH-ue!”

Try not to get too close. As if any of them stood a chance in hell.

Before

When he moved there, everyone had told him Chicago is cold, as though that weren’t the most obvious fucking thing on the planet. He’d rolled his eyes; he knew cold. Hell, he’d grown up in Minnesota – if anyone knew cold it was him.

As the months went on, though, and the muggy summer turned to blustery autumn, which turned to the frigid, bone-chilling winds of winter, Greyson realized what everyone meant. Yeah, the weather was icy and the wind could cut through you to the bone – but he figured when people said Chicago is cold, they just meant the weather.

They did not.

“Chef, you’re twenty minutes late.” It was the first thing he heard when he trudged into work that morning; not a ‘good morning’, not a ‘how are you’, not even a ‘hey, you look like shit, is that why you’re twenty minutes late?’. With effort, Greyson pushed his hood off his head and blinked his superior into focus. The older chef was quite literally holding his watch up to Greyson’s face, as though he thought this may be the first he’d ever heard of the concept of time.

“Sorry, Chef,” Greyson managed, his voice a mangled knot of congestion. “The train was runnding behind. Hh-! HhhNGTSXCH-ue!” In an attempt to stifle the sneeze, Greyson managed to pop one of his ears open; the sudden clarity of sound made his head spin. Do not pass out, he chided himself silently, grabbing onto the wall for stability. The executive chef rolled his eyes.

“Don’t tell me you’re fucking sick,” the older chef sneered. If he wasn’t already flushed from fever, Greyson’s face would have flamed in embarrassment. He shook his head.

“I’mb good, Chef,” he said, swallowing hard to keep from coughing. “Just… the wind mbakes mbe… sneeze. Sorry for being late.”

His boss sighed through his nose, annoyed. “I have three projects I need you to finish by the time service starts. Do not sneeze on my fucking food, Abbott, you hear me?” Greyson nodded. “Great. Now get to the prep kitchen, and don’t let me see or hear you until service. Don’t be late again.”

The executive chef turned on his heels and slammed the office door, leaving Greyson shivering in his heavy winter coat in the middle of the kitchen. Thoroughly chided and markedly ashamed, the sous chef slunk to the prep kitchen to begin his projects; each one took longer than the last, as his health rapidly deteriorated. By the time service had begun, Greyson’s lungs burned, his head throbbed, and he had no voice to speak of – instead of having family meal with the rest of the cooks, Greyson stepped outside into the freezing alleyway and lit a cigarette, a bad idea but this comforting ritual was all he had to keep going at this point. He pulled his phone out of his coat pocket. No new messages.

Instead of taking a puff of the cigarette, Greyson let out a single, choked sob; he hadn’t felt this shitty in years. What was the point of all this, of suffering for his career, of dealing with asshole, piece-of-shit chefs who didn’t give a fuck about anyone, of living in big, cold cities where everyone was just out for them-fucking-selves? He’d lived in Chicago for nearly a year and had exactly zero friends, had been on zero dates, and had exactly zero creative drive. Desperate for any connection, Greyson pulled up his messages and typed one out.

Greyson

4:37PM

hey, mom. how are you doing?

The wind howled around him while he waited for a response. The sun was already set, and darkness had settled over the alleyway; Greyson tried to remember the last time he saw the sun, without luck. Please respond, a tiny voice in his head begged. Please.

A minute passed, then two, then ten. Service was about to start; if he didn’t get inside to the middle station soon, his chef would come looking for him – and that wasn’t something anyone wanted. Greyson pressed his lips together, coughed painfully into his coat, and stubbed out the unsmoked cigarette. One last time, he checked his phone: no new messages.

After

Per the usual, Matt was the first to succumb to Greyson’s illness.

“Already?” Elijah groaned. The two chefs were in the back kitchen, though to say they were prepping would have been a stretch. “It’s literally been one day, Greyson, how did you already manage to get Matt sick?”

The question went unanswered; Greyson was a bit preoccupied. “Hhh-! Huh...hnghh. Fugck,” he groaned, sniffling into the sleeve of his jacket. “God, that’s getti’g old. Hh-!”

“Hh’IGTSZH-ue!” Behind him, Matt pitched forward, suddenly, into both hands. “Ew, gross – HRRTSH-uhh! Hh...ITSZHH-ue!”

“Stop fuckigg stealing fromb mbe,” Greyson growled, turning towards his sous chef. “It’s rude.”

“I’mb rude?” Matt balked, snatching the box of tissues from the table that separated him from both his bosses. “You’re the one who mbade mbe like thi-ihh… HTSZHH-ue! RRSHH-ue!” This time, he managed to cover his mouth with a handful of tissues. “God, I can’t stop fuckigg sndeezing. HHITSCHH-ue!”

“Don’t rub it in,” Greyson muttered, pawing at his nose. Beside him, Elijah’s eyes were closed, his lips pressed into a hard line of annoyance. “Mbaybe we should start taking bets,” Greyson said, elbowing his boss playfully to keep the man from completely losing it. “Who goes downd first, who goes down last… mbight be a fun activity for the whole fam-”

On the last syllable of ‘family’, Greyson’s voice – which was mangled to begin with – fell off completely. Elijah swung to look at his counterpart, as Greyson’s hand flew to his throat. “Oh, fuck,” Greyson whispered.

“Did you just lose your voice?” Elijah’s voice verged on the edge of mania. “Tell me you didn’t just lose your fucking voice.”

“Umb,” Greyson wheezed, with effort. “I didn’t just lose mby voice.”

Elijah groaned. Greyson let out a small, painful cough. Across the prep table, Matt was stuck in his own personal hell.

“HRRSHH-uhh! Fu – NGTXSH-ue! Hh-! Hh’ITSZCH-ue!”

The two older men shared a concerned glance – normally, it would have been Greyson who asked, but since apparently speaking was no longer an option for him, Elijah regarded the younger chef. “Matt… are you -”

“HRRSHH-ue!”

“-okay?” Elijah finished, as Matt succumbed to a fit of ticklish coughs. He blew his nose, then tossed the tissues and nodded at his bosses.

“I’mb okay,” he said, near-panting post-fit. The heel of his hand found his eye, rubbed until both Elijah and Greyson winced on his behalf. “Christ, Chef, where do you pick this shit up,” Matt muttered, more to himself than anything. As if in response, Greyson doubled over, coughing into his sleeve until his eyes watered with the effort.

Elijah looked from one chef to the other, unsure of what to do or say; what Greyson said yesterday held true. It was restaurant week, one of their busiest weeks of the year, and no matter how much he wanted to send these two idiots home, it just wasn’t in the cards. He checked his watch – 2:55PM. Almost two hours until service.

“Okay, listen up you sick fucks,” Elijah regarded the two chefs. “It’s time to take a nap.”

At the word nap, both chefs visibly deflated. “Lij,” Greyson whispered, “mbuch as I love that idea, like ten out of ten, would a thousand percent love to participate… we just have so mbuch prep to do for restaurant week.”

“Yeah,” Matt said, rubbing his nose on the back of his hand. “Like, we haven’t even gotten to half the mbenu. Hh-!”

“HHUHETSZCHH-ue!” This time, it was Greyson who doubled over to sneeze – a sound so harsh, Elijah was sure he wouldn’t even be able to whisper after it.

“Ndow who’s stealing,” Matt muttered, his sneeze obviously lost. They both glared at one another, then turned when Elijah began speaking again.

“Par the menu down,” he said. “It was choice of? Now it’s not. You two need to take some medicine and lay down, at least for an hour. I wish I could send you home, but I can’t.” He pushed a hand through his hair; obviously, this wasn’t a decision he wanted to make, but he had to do something. Otherwise there was just no way Greyson and Matt would make it through service.

“You’re sure, boss?” Matt asked, desperation painted on his face. If he could have made a sound, Elijah was sure Greyson would push back on this idea – as it stood, the executive chef just pressed his lips together, swallowed painfully. Elijah nodded, one curt, small nod.

“I’m sure,” he said. “Now, let’s get you two medicated.”

Before

Night was coming.

During the day, being sick with nowhere to go was not ideal, but ultimately it was fine. Matt would pick up extra hours at the diner – washing dishes, bussing tables, anything that didn’t involve having to speak – and stay there from open at four a.m. until they closed at six in the evening. It was hard to work while ill, yes, but it was easier than roaming the streets of New York with nothing to think about except how shitty he felt.

At night, though, the diner was closed. On normal days, Matt would crash at a friend or coworker’s house; he’d buy beer, or dinner, or weed and in return, he’d be granted a night on their couch, or their floor or – if he was lucky – a night pressed up against them in their bed. But those rare times when he was under the weather, he didn’t get invites to anyone’s home, no matter how close he thought they were. His weed and beer money never seemed to be enough to get any of his coworkers to bring an ailing Matt to their apartments, heat him up a can of soup, allow him a quiet night in a warm bed.

“NTSHZH-ue!” Matt sneezed painfully into his too-light jacket and shivered in the cold of the Manhattan evening. This was the third time he’d been sick since he was kicked out of his final foster home the day he turned eighteen, and each time went the same: he couldn’t manage to swing an evening at a friend’s house. The shelter turned him away – if we let you in, we get everyone sick, and then we’re taking care of a hundred sick homeless people. Sorry, it’s just policy. – and all his former foster parents let his calls go to voicemail. When it was finally too late to try anything else, Matt would find a bench in the park, put his backpack on his front with his jacket zipped up backwards over it to keep anyone from stealing it, and try to get some fitful rest until it was time to work again.

Eventually, just like every other time he’d been sick while living on the street, the cold and the elements would catch up with him. He’d end up with walking pneumonia, end up sleeping for at least one night in a bed in the ER. When the accounting department would ask where to send the medical bills after he’d been pumped full of antibiotics, he’d give them the address of one of his former foster families. Serves them fucking right, he’d think as he walked out of the emergency room.

Then, he would wait. He would go to work, get back to crashing on couches and sleeping with people he had no interest in just to get the sweet relief of one night in a bed, and he’d wait for the inevitable next illness to strike. Wait for the cold night to overtake him once again.

After

In the past, it had always been a toss-up as to whether Mark would fall victim to the yearly Greyson Flu. There were some years where he’d be the last to get it – usually a week or so after everyone else had recovered, which was exactly Mark’s style. Hold it together until everyone else is okay, he’d tell himself when he woke up with a sore throat and aching joints, and hold it together he would, until it was safe to take a day off. Then there were years where Mark was the only one to avoid the flu; his immune system tended to be better than the other manager’s, and he was the best at taking care of himself, though that wasn’t exactly a hard prize to win in this restaurant.

This year was different, though. This year, Mark and Matt were officially an item.

“NTSHH!” Mark wrenched to the side, attempting to hold back the sneeze that snuck up on him just as Elijah passed by the office. At the stifled sound, Elijah’s head turned on a swivel to see Mark, doubled over his elbow.

“No,” Elijah groaned, the look on his face so devastated that Mark felt his ears burn with shame. “Mark, please tell me you aren’t sick, too.”

Mark shook his head, attempted to keep from sniffling, and said, “I’mb ndot.” Wrong choice of words, he chided himself after hearing how congested his voice came out. Elijah looked like he might cry.

It was Day Three of the restaurant’s latest pestilence. Restaurant week hung over all of them like a wet blanket, soaking them to the bone, too heavy for anyone to remove. Each night had been busier than the last, and tonight – Friday night – was to be the busiest one of them all. Mark swallowed around a throat on fire. “I’mb sorry,” he whispered to his boss, sniffling. “Mbatt likes to snuggle whend he’s sick. Hh…hhETSCHH-uh!”

Taking pity, Elijah found one of the myriad tissue boxes placed strategically for the chefs on the line and brought it to Mark, who begrudgingly took one. “You’re supposed to be my rock, Mark,” Elijah said, his voice light and joking, but the words stinging the younger manager all the same. The GM sighed, pulling a hand down his face. “Greyson!” Elijah called towards the prep kitchen while Mark blew his nose.

After a beat, they both heard a hoarse call-back. “What?” Greyson asked. Elijah rolled his eyes, annoyed.

“Come here!” he yelled.

They both heard an audible groan from the back kitchen – at least his voice is back enough to groan, Mark found himself thinking – and then Greyson was standing in the doorway of the office, wiping his hands on a kitchen towel.

“Does it look like I have nothigg going ond?” Greyson asked, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. “I’mb ass-deep in yellowtail right ndo – ahh… ahKTXSHH-ue!” The chef attempted to stifle the sneeze into his elbow, then attempted to clear his throat – both attempts seemingly in vain.

“Bless,” Elijah said, automatically, before pointing directly at Mark’s face. “Look what you fuckin’ did. Asshole.”

Greyson’s eyes shifted towards the younger floor manager. Mark knew what he looked like; his eyes were red-rimmed, his mouth partially open in order to breathe, his nose scarlet and glistening. He had the flu, same as Greyson. They both looked like shit.

“Oops,” Greyson said, pressing a hand to Mark’s forehead and wincing. “To be fair to mbe,” Greyson said, turning towards Elijah, “this one’s mbore Mbatt’s fault than mbine.”

“Matt’s only sick because you are physically incapable of keeping germs to yourself. Now my fucking floor manager looks like he has a fucking wasting disease on the busiest night of the month.” Had they forgotten that Mark was still there? Or did they assume the fever had fried his brain past the point of understanding them?

“C’mon, Lij, he looks…” Greyson glanced back at Mark, made a little face. “He looks fine...ish.”

“No one would want him touching their table. I wouldn’t want him touching my table with a ten-foot pole.”

“That’s a little drambatic, don’t you thingk?”

“You kndow I’mb right here,” Mark broke into the conversation suddenly, prompting the other two to shoot their glances his way. “Right?”

With that, the wind was taken out of both Elijah and Greyson’s sails. “Sorry, Mark,” Elijah said, pulling a hand down his face. “You don’t look like you have a wasting disease.”

“Okay,” Mark said, brilliantly. “Thangk – GTSZCH-ue!” He sneezed into his lap, then lapsed into a fit of coughing. From above him, Mark heard Greyson snort out a laugh.

“Oh, fuck,” Greyson said, laughing and coughing at once. “Oh, jesus christ, we are so fucked.”

The laughter was as contagious as the illness Greyson brought in – Elijah was doubled over as well. “The fucking timing,” he guffawed. “The timing is just… it’s impeccable.”

Mark looked from one of his bosses to the other – Greyson doubled over coughing, Elijah crouched into a ball laughing – unsure of what to do. “Uh,” he said, “does all this mbean I can stay and work?”

If it was even possible, Elijah started laughing harder. “Fuck, Mark,” he sobbed with laughter, “you literally have to stay. We have no other choice but to put your half-dead ass on the floor.” Greyson grabbed his stomach, hysterical.

“Fuck, we have to stop I’mb gonna keel over,” he said, wiping under his eyes. “Oh, mby God.”

Behind them, Matt crept up from the prep kitchen. “What the fugck is goigg on up he – hh! HhITZSCHH-ue!”

This seemed to be the nail in the coffin; Greyson and Elijah fell to the floor in hysterics, with Matt and Mark groggily staring down at them. “Uh,” Matt said, wiping under his nose, “are they gonna be okay?”

Mark just blinked, bleary. “Your guess is as good as mine,” he said. “NTSHZCH-ue!”

Before

The phone lit up for the third time that hour, buzzing angrily in an attempt to get Mark’s attention. On the top of the screen, the word that always sent a pit directly into his stomach: Dad.

With effort, Mark rolled over on the uncomfortable dorm-room bed and picked the phone up off the side table. For a moment, he considered tossing it across the room, watching it shatter into a million pieces, never having to speak to his father again – a freedom he couldn’t even imagine. He answered the phone.

“’Lo?” Mark croaked, biting his cheek to keep from dissolving into a fit of coughs. He hadn’t spoken in almost three days, not since he’d gone to the campus infirmary for a Z-pack in an attempt to rid himself of the illness one of his roommates had so kindly brought back to their dorm, and his voice sounded rougher than he thought it would.

“Mark, that you?” his father boomed on the other end. “It’s your dad, why the hell didn’t you pick up the first time?”

A vein in Mark’s head pulsed at the immediate accusation; he’d texted his father after the first call that he was sleeping, but apparently that wasn’t an acceptable excuse. “Sorry,” he said, yanking the phone away from his face to cough into an elbow. When he brought the phone back, his dad was already speaking again.

“-money for the goddamn cafeteria, I thought we talked about this.” The tail end of a sentence, but Mark instinctively knew what the first part had been. His mother and father got a bill for the campus cafeteria, despite the fact that Mark had promised to get a job to cover his own food expenses at university. Fuck.

“I’mb sorry,” Mark said again. “I’ve been lookigg for work, but it’s hard to find sombewhere that’ll accommodate a student’s schedule. Hh – HRRSXHH-ue!” This time, he didn’t have time to pull the phone away. On the other end of the line, his father grunted.

“You sick?” he asked after a beat; an accusal, not a concern. Mark swallowed hard.

“Ndo, sir,” he said.

“Good,” his father replied. “Figure the job thing out, Mark. I get another damn grocery bill from that school, and I’m done paying for any of those damn classes. Got it?”

Mark pressed his lips together. Do not cry on the phone, do NOT. “Yes, sir,” he said, his voice small.

“Mom says hi,” his dad said, though Mark knew she hadn’t. “Talk soon.”

The line was cut before Mark had a chance to say goodbye – not that he wanted to. He let out a pathetically soupy cough, and put his head in his hands, defeated. What the fuck kind of parent says that shit, he allowed himself to think. The angry tears he’d held back during the call fell before he was able to sniff them back again. Fuck you, Dad.

For the next six weeks, until he finally found a part-time catering job, Mark would avoid the cafeteria completely; he’d scrounge from his friend’s leftovers, be the first at the dorm parties to shove cookies into his pockets, live on dollar gas station burritos so that he wouldn’t hear from his dad again. For now, he gave in to his baser desires: turning the phone over in his hand, Mark viciously hurled it across the room, cracking the screen into a million tiny webs.

After

By the time Sunday – the final day of restaurant week – rolled around, the restaurant could have been better classified as a biohazard unit.

“Last big night, guys,” Elijah said to the coughing, sniffling servers during the week’s final pre-shift. “Let’s just get through it and… and then we-ehh…” The servers all groaned as Elijah pitched into his elbow. “NGTZHH-ue!”

“Not you, too,” Riley, Elijah’s lead server, moaned. “Who’s going to help us on the floor now?”

Elijah flushed and cleared his throat. “Fuck off, all of you,” he said. “I’m fine. One sneeze does not the flu make. Let’s get back to the task at hand, hmm?”

They all knew, of course, that the denial was in vain. Elijah had felt the tendrils of a nasty fever work their way behind his eyes post-service the night before, and had only made it until four p.m. today without any accusations due to an arsenal of meds – meds that seemed, at this point, to be losing their ability to help him. His lungs felt heavy, his head and body ached, his nose was sore from sucking nose spray in every five fucking minutes. Despite the fact that they’d barely gone over any reservations, Elijah dismissed the servers to go eat family meal early; he needed to remedicate.

In the kitchen office, Matt and Mark were taking their Greyson-mandated nap on the pile of old tablecloths and coats; since his fever had broken, the executive chef seemed mostly-recovered and had taken charge of medicating and babysitting the younger managers. Elijah wasn’t about to complain; he had enough to deal with without doling out meds every five minutes. Perched in his office chair above the sleeping couple, Greyson was playing a loud-ass game on his phone with one hand and coughing into the other.

“Is there not anywhere else you can do that?” Elijah whispered, sitting quietly in his office chair. “Can you not see them trying to fucking sleep?”

“Oh, please,” Greyson said at full volume. “They’re out like fuckin’ lights. Watch.” He used the toe of one of his clogs to gently kick Matt’s shoulder. The sous chef let out a little cough in his sleep and rolled closer to Mark, not opening his eyes. “I snuck a little Nyquil in their teas,” Greyson admitted, laughing a little.

“Why would you do that?” Elijah asked, pressing his fingers into one of his eyes. “We still have service tonight, dipshit.”

“Oh, this was hours ago,” Greyson said, turning back to his phone game. “They’ll be good by five.” He shrugged. “Maybe. I was over listening to them coughing.”

“I’m over listening to you coughing, but you don’t see me drugging yehh – HNXTSH-ue! Huh - ! HRRSCHH-ue!” Elijah cleared his throat into the sleeve of his shirt, grimacing at the pain there. The soft sshhh of the box of tissues being slid across the desk prompted his eyes to shoot up from his elbow.

“Bless you,” Greyson said, pointedly. “Man, took you long enough to catch it. I feel like I should give you a prize or something.”

Elijah pulled a few tissues out and cleaned himself up. “I have ndot caught it,” he said, sucking in through his nose. “Until service is over tondight, I am well. I am healthy. I – HUHESTCHH-ue!” This time, he was unable to even partially stifle. Greyson made a noise of sympathy in the back of his throat, reached across the desk to put a hand on his boss’s arm.

“Yeah,” he said as Elijah blew his nose. “That’s not really how being sick works.”

Before

In his hand, Elijah held the key to the rest of his life.

He honestly couldn’t believe it was real; a key, a real, physical key to the restaurant he’d dreamed of since he was a child. Sliding it into the lock for the first time, Elijah could feel his life changing. The door creaked open and there it was: his restaurant, in all of its dusty, ripped-to-the-studs glory. Elijah pressed his lips together, on the verge of tears – nothing could ruin this moment for him. Nothi-

“NGTZSHH-ue! HRRSTSHH-ue! Fuck,” he wiped his nose with the back of his hand – ugh. Nothing could ruin this, he repeated to himself, not even this bitch of a cold he’d picked up at work three days prior; he’d been laid up in bed when he got the call from the commercial Realtor that actually, the keys would be ready for him today, if he wanted to pick them up. Never had he ever bolted out of bed so quickly.

Elijah walked carefully through what would one day be the dining room of Elliot’s, pressing his fingertips into the stone walls as though introducing himself to them. Hi, he whispered to the walls, the ceiling, the floors, the hundred-year-old stove that he was sure was a fire hazard. I’m home. Elijah had the sudden urge to call his parents.

It wasn’t an urge he had often; in fact, he’d only mentioned once in passing that he’d been trying to purchase a restaurant to them, and that was almost a year ago. But he needed to tell someone, needed someone to share in this excitement with him. He dialed his mom’s number.

“Hello, may I ask who’s calling?” his mother answered, formal as ever even though she knew exactly who had called. Elijah smiled into the phone.

“Mbom,” he said, his voice hoarse and congested. “It’s me – it’s Elijah.”

“Oh, Elijah, hi honey,” she said, distracted. “Is something wrong?”

“Ndo, mom, sombething is actually… ambazing,” Elijah said, still looking around his dark pre-restaurant. “Is dad there with you?”

“Mmm, yes, he’s watching golf, is this important honey? We were about to head out to the Club.” The Club. That was what Elijah’s parents called the only restaurant they’d ever cared about while he was growing up – the country club that was their pride and joy to be a part of. Elijah rolled his eyes.

“It’s really important,” he insisted. “Please – just put mbe on speakerphone. I have sombe huge ndews.”

The moment huge news came out of his mouth, Elijah knew he’d made a mistake. Immediately, his mother gasped and called to his father in delight – oh, no, Elijah thought.

“Honey! Greg, honey, it’s Elijah, he’s going back to school! He’s going back to medical school! Isn’t that right, sweetie? Huge news! Yes! Oh, we knew you’d go back. We knew this whole restaurant thing would blow over.” His mother’s voice tumbled out so quickly she was nearly breathless. Elijah felt his head spin.

“Mom, I-”

“Back to medical school, that’s great, son!” Elijah’s father bellowed from what was obviously the other side of the room. “My son, the doctor,” he mused.

Mouth dry, Elijah managed to speak over his parents, who were now discussing who at The Club they would tell first. “Mbom, Dad, please,” he managed, before dissolving into a coughing fit. His mother tutted.

“Oh, you sound terrible, sweetheart. All those nights up late studying, I’m sure!” The glee in his mother’s voice made Elijah sick to his stomach. He cleared his throat as well as he could.

“I’mb ndot going back to medical school, mbom,” he managed. On the other end of the line – silence. Elijah was fairly sure he could hear a distant sob from his mom. Finally, Elijah’s father spoke back up.

“Why would you tell your mother that, then? Christ, Elijah, haven’t you put her through enough?” Greg, never quick to anger unless it involved his wife, audibly sat back down in his chair. He mumbled something Elijah couldn’t hear.

“I – I didn’t tell her that,” Elijah said, voice raising like a teenager’s. “She didn’t even let mbe finish what I was saying.”

“You said you had huge news!” his mother bawled. “What else was I supposed to think it was?”

Without thinking, Elijah pulled the phone away from his ear and once again looked around his restaurant. Fucking medical school. He’d dropped out almost ten years ago, and here they were, still holding out for him to be their perfect little doctor. Looking for a reason to brag about him at the club. As it stood, he wasn’t sure if his parents even told their friends they had a son.

Elijah glanced back at his phone, where his mother was still crying on the other end; silently, he pressed the end button and put the phone back in his pocket. Elijah closed his eyes and attempted to take a deep breath without coughing. Nothing will ruin this for me, he thought as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Nothing.

After

Keeping the post-restaurant-week, thank-god-that’s-over manager meeting had been Greyson’s idea; Elijah had said they should cancel, but Greyson insisted they keep it on. Since he was the only one well enough to execute it, and since Elijah needed the distraction of being around other people to keep him from his flu-ridden agony, he’d agreed. He hadn’t known that Greyson intended to host a meal and a mock-funeral for the week they’d just had, but somehow, it was the perfect salve to the burn that was restaurant week.

“Dearly beloved,” Greyson said from behind the line, mimicking a microphone with his hands, “we’re gathered here today in his hellhole of a kitchen in remembrance of the Week From Hell.” He raised his paper cup filled with whiskey, and Elijah, Matt, and Mark copied the gestures with their cups of tea. “May it forever rest in agony, and may we never have to speak of it ever again.”

“Amben,” the three other men called from the couch they’d dragged in from the host stand. Elijah suddenly turned into his sweatshirt to cough, prompting a groan from Matt and Mark beside him.

“Every timbe you do that you yank the fuckigg blanket off me,” Mark grumbled, pulling the blanket they were sharing back over his lap. “I’mb fuckin’ cold, boss.”

“Oh, please forgive mbe,” Elijah croaked when he was finally able to compose himself. “I’mb so sorry that the illness you gave mbe caused mbe to cough and mbake you cold.” He pulled a tissue out of the box on Matt’s lap between them and wiped his nose. “I’ll self-flagellate in the street as soon as I’mb able to mbove again.”

This prompted a laugh, followed by a soupy cough, from Matt. “He got you there, babe,” he said, touching his boyfriend’s face.

“Alright, alright, enough bickering,” Greyson called from behind the line. “Soup’s almost ready, are you assholes eating on Elijah’s nice couch?”

Greyson bowled the soup up, pushed a serving into each other man’s hands, and took his seat at the end of the couch next to Elijah. Silently, they all dug in.

Mark and Matt glanced over to Elijah for confirmation – the GM just shrugged, exhausted.

“I certainly can’t get up,” he said. “So I guess the answer is yes.”

“Fuck, that’s good, Chef,” Matt moaned, sniffling into his soup. “I don’t thingk I’ve had a real mbeal all week.”

Greyson raised an eyebrow at his sous. “Uh, thanks – I mean, that’s fairly concerning, but thanks anyway,” he said, prompting a laugh from all of them.

Without warning, mid-laugh, Elijah’s breath hitched. “Hh-! HRTSCHHH-ue!” Before he could realize what he was doing, the GM had turned towards Greyson and sneezed, mostly uncovered, into the chef’s face. Belatedly, he covered his face with his hand while Matt and Mark howled in laughter behind him.

“Bless you,” Greyson said, wiping his face with his hand. “Asshole.”

Elijah smiled – the laughter from the two younger chefs was contagious – and patted his friend’s shoulder. “I’d say sorry,” he said, “but to be fair, you’re the onde who got us into this mbess.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Greyson said, rolling his eyes and smiling. “Whatever. Just eat your soup, dickhead.”

The four of them, squished on the tiny couch like sick little sardines, must have been quite the sight; spilling soup on the expensive couch, coughing into a shared blanket, laughing and shoving each other gently when someone sneezed too close to someone else. From the outside, Elijah was sure that they looked crazy – who the hell came into work the one day they were closed? – but from the vantage point of the couch, he couldn’t think of one single place he’d rather be. In this kitchen, on this couch – with these men. With his family.

[anisespice]

heyy

can i request hanma w reader who has abandonment issues? if you don’t write for that kind of topic it’s fine!!(:

take care!!<33

of course! thank u for the request anon, sorry for the delay <3 had to do some more research into the topic, and brush up on my hanma lol hope you enjoy :)) !!

pairing: hanma x gn!reader

warnings: mature language, MDI, crude jokes, violence, cringy/cornball behavior lol and hanma gets his own warning, not proof read, sorry for any errors!! and i think that’s it :)

notes: SO SORRY FOR TAKING LITERALLY A WHOLE YEAR TO MAKE THIS ANON, i wanted to do a little bit of research on the topic (ended up learning a little about myself LMAO) but it’s finally done! i’m happy with how it turned out, and i figured this format would work perfectly, so i hope you enjoy!! <333

tagged: @fantasycantasy , @illegalspacecow, @captaincyberqueen

I struggled with the idea of how Hanma would be like with someone with abandonment issues/anxious attachment. At first, I figured he’d be the absolute worst in terms of handling someone with such an intense need for validation and reassurance, but after some further contemplation I realized how he’d be the absolute best—To the most unhealthily healthy degree, if that makes sense. Let me explain:

“yo, who’s blowing up your phone?”

“jeez, your s/o again? talk about excessive”

“couldn’t be me, bro. if i was you, i’d set a boundary-”

hanma wouldn’t miss a beat by giving them a dangerous grin and say, “i’ll a set a boundary for your fucking teeth if you say another word about my s/o.”

then, in the same beat, he’ll answer your call with a whole different energy, like, “hey doll, my love, my sweet, my sexy” something corny like that

you’d express that he said he’d be back around 9, and it was pushing 9:30…

he’d chuckle fondly, “aw, you miss me that bad? you’re obsessed, doll, it’s adorable.~”

the guys with him would watch in shock as the usually violent, and quick to annoyance, shuji hanma was…understanding? patient??

i hc hanma to be so so so patient with you whenever you get that intense clingy feeling, or talk yourself into thinking he’s sick of you and your neediness

like

homie WANTS you to want him

even to an unhealthy attached degree, sign him up, yes ma’am, yes ham, yes turkey

if you do get into those moods of feeling like he’ll leave you, TRUST that he’s gonna feed into it just a little bit (he’s a bit of a sadistic bastard) only to shower you with every possible reassurance until you are drowning in him him HIM

“why you cryin’, hm? i said i’ll be back, what, you think i’ll just up and leave? never come back?”

“hm, maybe i should do that, make you miss me a little more, yeah?”

but, once he sees you’re really torn up about the thought, he’d gather you in his arms with a small, teasing grin, kissing your tears away and telling you how silly you’re being

“baby, i’d rather get shot in both of my legs than ever think of leaving you”

“you couldn’t get rid of me even if you begged”

“no more cryin’, kay? i hate seeing you cry…unless it’s for different reasons” he’d suggest, earning a weak hit to his arm for being a pervert

he’d snigger, holding you up until your legs wrapped around his waist, “how bout you just come with me then, hm?”

he’s not perfect, far from it, but he tries

he’ll tease, and poke, and push but he always has his moments where he takes your situation deathly serious

like

let someone talk shit about you in anyway, whether it’s about how you need to touch him a lot, or constantly text/call just to hear his voice, or accuse him of this that and the third, just let someone TRY it and he finds out about it

“man, i don’t know how he puts up with them”

“yeah, his s/o clearly has some issues..”

“god forbid he’s gone for more than ten minutes, it’s like they’re some kind of parasite-“

the air in the room shifts DRASTICALLY when they eventually notice hanma standing there, with you at his side looking more than upset

how long he’d been there didn’t matter…the damage was done as soon as those idiots spoke your name

if looks could kill, they’d be playing uno w the devil right about now and losing

hanma looked rather calm. but his eyes told a different story as the gold shined bright with malicious intent

he slowly grinned, tilting his head “oh? don’t stop on our account. keep talkin’. i wanna know what else you think.”

none dared to even blink

you sniffled, embarrassed, ready to bolt out of there, but hanma’s grip on your hand doesn’t falter, merely pulling you closer as he rested his chin on your head

you wiggled for a moment, but hanma wasn’t letting you go anywhere

he called out your name, making you stop as he turned you in his hold to have you look him in the eye

“stay right here. i want you to see just how much i love you. my little parasite.~”

hanma had you stand there and witness what happens whenever someone dares to speak on you and your relationship, solidifying his devotion and loyalty to you and you only

as those guys laid in a pool of their own blood, hanma still took the time to shower you in love and his undivided attention

he’d wipe your tears with bloodstained hands and kiss you hard on the mouth

“you’ll never be too much for me, [_____].”

© 2023-2024 anisespice ッ all rights reserved. likes, comments & reblogs much appreciated!

[velvetvexations]

Saw your tags on that binder post and I thought I’d share that my first introduction to chest binding was actually through the lolita community! A lot of big name japanese brands are not exactly size inclusive and did NOT cater to anyone with more than an A cup, so I did see quite a lot of safe binding advice and methods on blogs and forums back in the day before more inclusive brands became available, ranging from sports bra to actual proper binders. I’m probably not the only example of the “binding to fit into an angelic pretty dress” to “binding to fit into an angelic pretty dress and gender reasons)” pipeline, but plenty of other lolitas I know are still cis women who just do it on occasion or for specific pieces that aren’t very forgiving on the tits! I doubt that a single niche fashion subculture is the reason for those binders being marketed towards cis women so heavily, but I thought this was a funny anecdote :)

Fascinating!

patricia taxxon shit really fucking hurts. i dont want to be effected by a random internet microcelebrity not liking transdudes, that happens often enough. but god her music and essays got me through really rough shit and it really hurts to see someone i looked up to for well written essays and work fall back on the bullshit arguments used to deny my lived experiences. it really really fucking hurts, especially with how it feels barely anyone will talk about or call it out. i thought trfs were something id have to look hard for, and seeing their rhetoric creep into the fucking music i listen to and tumblrs i follow really truly scares me

I'm sorry, anon. I love you a lot. <3

“You shouldn’t break up the trans community into groups!” The TRFs literally came up with a way to break up the community via TMA/TME. They are actively distancing themselves from the community by baking fearmongering into their ideology. God forbid we create a term about sticking together against a group within the community that’s inherently dividing?

lmao literally

Just had my first time getting sexually harassed by a woman as a percieved cis man and commiserating afterwards with a cis man about how we're all just supposed to be cool with being treated like that. It's a weird experience and somehow going through the same things mostly from women as a girl then nonbinary then a trans guy it feels the same but the flavors change. I know the discourse is literally nothing but it makes me feel like my feelings shouldn't matter because of the male privilege. And I even did my civic duty and took the brunt of it away from the other trans man who was getting it worse because of his percieved feminine traits which people also like to pretend doesn't happen. All of it is just stupid.

It's fine, she was a woman and you're a man so that was praxis sexual harassment.

honestly i think a better predictor of how much autonomy a child is able to have over their presentation is probably whether the child is disabled moreso than agab, like i not only wasn't allowed to have my hair too short, i also wasn't allowed to have it too long for a chunk of my childhood because it took me awhile to understand how to brush my hair (because i was afraid to because i am hypersensitive to touch and my mother would always brush my hair in a way that hurt so much i would cry), and my mother would bitch and moan about how difficult i was about it (because she was hurting me and did not listen when i told her this) and so i wasn't allowed to have longer hair until i could brush it myself. ultimately the biggest factor is always the attitude of the parents though

God, so much of my shit with my mother was over my hair, it still really gets to me.

TRF is like the whole voting for face eating panthers. But it’s like TERFs are the panthers and TRFs are a cheetah, like “I’m a kind of cat too so they won’t eat my face as long as I eat faces too right?” WRONG they see you as prey, they won’t spare you because they see a fellow cat, they’ll eat your face cuz you’re not a panther!

cis women will like me if I explain to them how I'm -taxonomically- a woman

it’s insane to me that ‘it’s bad to hate someone for an uncontrollable part of their identity no matter who they are’ is a controversial take now

we've regressed

when people say ‘um ackshually i can say i want all men to die and if you tell me “men see these things and go far right because they think it’s true” then you are blaming women for men’s bad behaviour’ i just immediately assume that this person is stupid as fuck like. if a teenage boy goes online to see what feminism is about and is bombarded with ‘kill all men’ ‘all men are rapists’ etc then OBVIOUSLY he’s not gonna want to be feminist. it is really not that fucking hard to understand. people don’t wanna be in spaces that are cruel to them for an aspect of their identity that they cannot control it’s not ‘blaming women for misogynistic men’ to say that. it’s just fucking true. people are so stupid it actually pains me

unfortunately radfem juice is addictive

[as-the-crows-feather-falls]

Jayvik headcanons :)))))

Jayce:

* Oh my god where to even start with this guy

* He’s ridiculously ticklish. Like, everywhere. It’s insane. But I’d say his worst spots are: under his arms, his stomach, and his hips. But again, get him anywhere and you’re golden he’ll laugh either way. If you wanna get him to shriek though he has this one spot on the back of his ribs that will make him go absolutely insane

* Due to his status as “The Man of Progress” or whatever, not to mention this guy has the build of a brick wall, most wouldn’t suspect this, let alone test this

* Two words. Caitlyn. Kiramman. Jayce would tickle the shit out of her when she was younger, but since she has gotten stronger as she grew up, she has become a formidable adversary with a lust for revenge

* These two have tickle fights almost every time they hang out. I feel Jayce would initiate them most of the time, flicking her like in “Happy Progress Day” or teasing her or poking her. He just loves to annoy her and it bites him in the ass every. Damn. Time.

* Now back to the Jayvik stuff I fear I got carried away with Jayce being a goofball lmao

* Oh my god I can hear his laugh. When there’s intentional tickling going down, there is zero buildup. None. Zip. No giggles, no chuckles, no nothing. His laugh immediately goes from laughing to cackling when he’s tickled

* His laugh is so bold and bright and unapologetic, the only time it really goes quieter is if he starts wheezing, which he will if gotten good enough

* I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL: GIGGLE-DRUNK JAYCE. Jayce gets giggle-drunk obscenely easily. He’ll just sit there limp and giggle out any leftover laughter, and he’ll rest a hand over his eyes so only his smile is visible

* He literally loves tickle-fights. Again, he used to initiate them with Caitlyn all the time.

* He is AMAZING at teasing. He doesn’t do baby talk or anything like that, he’s just a yapper. Like he talks almost the entire time he’s tickling

* “Oooohohoho my god, what was that?” “Is something funny?” “Are you gonna take a break now? Huh?” “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over your giggles, wanna try again?” He’s also not above calling someone “Giggles.”

* His raspberries are fucking brutal. It’s like a mortal combat finisher he’s mastered them

* Depending on who he’s tickling and the overall vibe, he’s not against going “tickletickletickletickletickle” really quick and clawing at sensitive spots. He mostly uses this against Caitlyn lmao

* He’s just such a goofball I love him

Viktor:

* Let’s just say he’s lucky he has that brace on. He doesn’t know this, but that is the only thing between him and certain death if Jayce were to find out his worst spot was under there

* Speaking of which, his worst spots are definitely his ribs, stomach, and knees, with his hips not far behind. Again, thank the lord for that brace or he’d be screwed, his ribs are a death spot for him

* His ears and neck are giggle spots for him. One night Jayce was feeling goofy, bored of twirling the quill in his fingers, and brushed Viktor’s ear with it just to be a shit. Viktor immediately broke into a giggly smile, bringing his shoulder up to protect himself. That’s one of Jayce’s favorite memories with Viktor, even if he did smack Jayce with a notebook afterwards

* His palms, the inside of his forearm, and his spine are an odd level of ticklishness where he’ll be on the cusp of a giggle fit and falling asleep. Like he doesn’t know if he loves it or hates it because it drives him up a damn wall

* He hasn’t been tickled since his early childhood in the fissures. Jayce put an end to that real quick.

* His laugh is kind of the opposite of Jayce’s (I’m gonna take that “two sides of the same cog” imagery to my grave they make me so ill). Viktor’s laugh is kind of wheezy and raspy, and he’ll cover his mouth with his hand. When you get him well enough, his laugh will rise in pitch and he’ll take his hand away from his face to protect himself from his attacker, and that’s when you can see his bright smile. If they had Polaroids, Jayce would want to take a picture of that smile and carry it with him forever. He loves it so much

* HOWEVER If you catch him by surprise, or if you get him just right, his laugh is super bright and kinda loud, but still a little raspy. Just a really pure and happy sound

* His teases are just sarcasm mixed with faux-scientific questions

* “Remind me again, how many ribs are in the human body?” “How on earth do you get anything done when you’re this sensitive?”

* One wouldn’t expect it, but he is JUST as silly as Jayce, it just takes a little more to get him there

* I love the idea that Jayce kinda brings out the kid in Viktor, not just with tickling but overall. I mean, he had to sneak into the academy and prove himself time and time again to get to be Prof Heimerdingers assistant (canon I’m pretty sure) and then Jayce “Crank it!” Talis come along. He kinda teaches Viktor how to be silly again

Both:

* Tickle fights are not uncommon at ungodly hours of the night

* No surprise, Jayce initiates them most of the time. However, their first tickle fight was actually started by Viktor!

* A very sleep deprived Jayce wouldn’t stop annoying Viktor (all in good fun of course) and Viktor finally had enough and jumped him lmao. It didn’t take long for Jayce to find his bearings and retaliate, but Viktor definitely won that one.

* They’re actually both on pretty even ground during tickle-fights. Jayce may be stronger, but he breaks easier and Viktor has more protection

* On a softer note, Jayce loves pressing kisses into the crook of Viktor’s neck when they’re cuddling just to hear him giggle

* On days where he has better mobility, Viktor can and will chase his target Jayce down if he plays his cards right. He knows just how to get Jayce backpedaling, and as soon as he hits a wall or trips up Viktor lunges forward and gets him lmao

* Unless Viktor tells him off, Jayce will always give him a fighting chance. He knows just how strong Viktor is, but he also knows his own strength as well. Viktor’s disability aside, Jayce is built like a brick shithouse and he knows it very well. He never wants to make anyone uncomfortable with something so playful, so he will always hold back on his strength.

* He’s also very intuitive when it comes to social cues in that sense, he’s always looking to see if his target isn’t having fun or if they’re uncomfortable.

* Viktor has this look that always tells Jayce if he’s fucked up. Like that look plus smoothly reaching for his cane, getting out of his chair, and strolling towards Jayce will have him immediately pleading for his life. All Viktor has to do is walk towards him and Jayce is sweating. Thats when Viktor teases the most too, asking him stuff like “What’s the matter,” or “Did I say something funny?” Their teases are similar in that end, they rub off on each other something horrible.

* One time Heimerdinger caught Jayce and Viktor mid tickle-fight while checking up on them and as they were trying to frantically pull themselves together he said “No, no, no. No worries, dear boys. I only came to check on progress, but what is the point of working the mind if there is no play to balance out the soul. Carry on, gentleman!” And left. After a moment, the two of them just kinda looked at each other and, tickles aside, just started laughing. Like they couldn’t even look at each other without immediately cackling. One of those moments when you think you’ve got all the giggles out then you look at them and it’s rib-clutching hysterics all over again. That’s a memory they both have as a favorite of theirs

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

When will you post the y/n Meeks Martin x Ethan Landry post 😭

Right fucking now lmao.

This is my first post in a while, take it easy on me 💕

Secrets - Ethan Landry x Fem!Meeks-Martin!Reader

This contains SMUT - Minors DNI

Summary: Growing up with overprotective siblings has made it difficult for you to find someone to be with, until you meet your brother's nerdy best friend.

Contains: Fluff, Angst, Some violence-ish, Oral - f receiving, riding, p in v, teasing. (If I missed something, let me know:)

A/N: If any of yall are familiar with Spongebob, I have the fucking suds and I'll be writing a lot the next few days lmao

Your brother and sister were so protective of you. After some of the things they’d been through, you couldn’t really blame them, and you were thankful that they were always looking out for you. The only downside? They seemed to hate every person that asked you out or showed interest in you. You were sure that you would be single forever if it was up to them, because they didn’t think anyone was good enough for you.

Once they went away to New York for school, you missed them, but with there only being a one-year age difference, you knew you wouldn’t have to wait long before you’d be heading to Blackmore. You took the opportunity to finally put yourself out there and go on dates without the twins interfering, and you were starting to realize how right they were when they told you that the guys in Woodsboro weren’t really worth your time.

When you FaceTimed Chad to let him know that you got accepted into the same university as him and Mindy, he was beaming at the news. He was going on and on about all the things he loved about New York, and wouldn’t shut up about the pizza, but you tuned out everything he was saying once you noticed his roommate in the background. His hot roommate.

“Dude, my sister got in!” Chad yelled, as you rolled your eyes. He seemed more excited than you were about the whole situation. “Ethan, come say hi.”

“Fine,” he huffed, as Chad passed him his phone. He paused for a second once he saw you, but quickly pulled it together. It was awkward enough to meet someone for the first time on a phone screen, and he didn’t want to make it any weirder. “Hey, I’m Ethan.”

“Ah, the dorky roommate,” you said, as Ethan looked away from you to glare at Chad.

“Is that how you tell people about me? You say that I’m dorky?”

“If the shoe fits…” Chad trailed off before he tried to take his phone back from Ethan.

“Well, it was nice to meet you,” he said, passing the phone back to your brother.

“Have you told Mindy yet?” Chad questioned, a smirk on his face as he waited for your answer.

“No…”

“I knew I was your favorite!”

Once Chad and Mindy came home for summer break, they wouldn’t stop talking about how excited they were to take you back to New York with them. They were heading back early to help Chad move into his own apartment with Ethan, and Mindy was moving into the spare bedroom at Tara’s with Anika. They decided that you needed to come with them, even though you wouldn’t be able to move into your dorm for a couple weeks.

“I’m not thrilled about couch surfing,” you said, as Chad rolled his eyes.

“I’d sleep on the couch. You could sleep in my bed.”

“So, she’s staying with you for two weeks? I thought she’d stay at Tara’s,” Mindy said, “What happens when you want to stay over with Tara and she’s left alone with Ethan?”

“Oh, please. Ethan won’t try anything,” Chad said, as Mindy scoffed. “What?”

“What makes you think Ethan wouldn’t try something?”

“Because he’s my boy. He knows she’s off limits…I already told him,” Chad said, as you sighed in frustration.

“You know what? I’m not doing this whole ‘You can’t date so and so’ shit that I’ve dealt with for years,” you said, as Mindy cocked her eyebrow at you.

“You’re staying at Tara’s,” she said, “You’ve gotten a little feisty lately. It wouldn’t surprise me if you tried to get with Ethan just because we said you can’t.”

“No, I’m staying with Chad. It’ll be fine. Ethan doesn’t seem like the type to try anything,” you said, as she had a confused look on her face.

“When have you talked to Ethan?”

“Oh, that was when she called me first to let me know she got into Blackmore,” Chad smirked, as Mindy snapped her head in his direction.

“No, she called me first.”

They turned to look at you, “Who did you call first?” they both asked at the same time, as you shrugged.

“I’ll never tell.”

When you made it to New York, you were exhausted. You couldn’t sleep on the five-hour flight, and the jet lag was really starting to get to you as you went to the baggage claim area to get your stuff.

“When’s your furniture getting delivered?” Mindy asked, as Chad checked his phone.

“Soon. Ethan’s here somewhere,” Chad said, glancing around for his friend that was taking you back to your new home for the next two weeks.

“I think that’s him,” you said, pointing to the guy with the huge sign that said ‘Meeks-Martin’. “Is he always that lame?”

“Yeah, poor dude can’t get a girlfriend to save his life because he’s that cheesy,” Chad said, as he walked over and took the sign from him. “We’re just going to put this in the trash.”

“Hey, it took me two minutes to make that,” Ethan said, as he glanced over to you. He noticed you struggling with your luggage and carryon. “Can I help you with that?”

“I got it,” Mindy said, grabbing the large suitcase from you. She stared Ethan down for a second before she walked past him.

“How do you deal with them?” Ethan asked, as you sleepily smiled at him.

“They’re not that bad.”

As Ethan drove, Mindy was in the backseat arguing with Chad as he sat in the passenger seat about how you staying at Tara’s would be best. You sighed as they bickered, before you noticed that Ethan kept glancing back at you in the rear-view mirror. You thought he was even more attractive in person and thought about how hard the next couple weeks could potentially be with him living in the same apartment as you.

“Seriously, how are you going to feel when those losers leave the toilet seat up all the time?” Mindy questioned, as Chad scoffed.

“I think we’re housebroken,” Ethan spoke up for the first time in the drive as he glanced back at Mindy. He quickly looked away once he noticed her glaring at him.

“Listen, Landry. I know I won’t be able to convince her, so I want to make it perfectly clear that if you touch my sister, I will kill you.”

“What makes you guys think that I’m like that?” Ethan asked, the annoyance in his tone obvious.

“They think anyone’s like that when it comes to me,” you said, smiling at him as his eyes met yours in the mirror again.

You made it to Chad and Ethan’s apartment seconds after the furniture delivery truck pulled in. Once they opened the back of the truck, Mindy’s jaw dropped.

“I can’t believe mom paid for all this stuff,” she said, as Chad sighed.

“She didn’t. Ethan and I took out loans.”

“Maybe you should’ve asked mom. She paid for all my bedroom stuff,” Mindy shrugged, as Chad sighed.

“Why didn’t I think of that?”

After the stuff for the apartment was scattered in various areas of the house, Mindy got the text that Anika was at Tara’s, and was wondering when she’d be over.

“You staying here, or coming with me?” Mindy asked but cut you off before you could even respond. “You’re coming with me.”

“No, she can hang out here if she wants to. We’re all going out for pizza later tonight, anyway,” Chad said, as Mindy rolled her eyes.

“Are you two going to argue like this until I move into my dorm?” you questioned, as the twins exchanged their glances.

“Probably.”

“I’ll hang out here,” you said, as Mindy nodded.

“I’ll see you soon.”

Later that evening after you’d helped the two boys set up their new apartment, you were starting to get hungry. Chad wanted to keep working, and you eventually flopped onto the couch, sighing in defeat.

“I’m starving,” you whined, as Ethan walked into the living room and sat down on the free cushion beside where your feet were resting.

“Me too,” Ethan said, matching your whining as Chad glared at the two of you. “What? It’s been a long day. We skipped lunch.”

“We’ll leave soon,” Chad said, as you got an idea in your head.

“Orrr you could meet us there,” you suggested. “You know how I get if I don’t eat.”

“True,” Chad sighed, “Ethan, make sure nothing happens to her.”

“I won’t let her out of my sight.”

As you walked beside Ethan, he started to make small talk. By the time you made it to the restaurant, you were in a full-blown conversation about all the interests you both had, and he was proud of himself that he didn’t get nervous when he talked to you. You scanned the restaurant for your sister and Tara, but once you noticed they weren’t there yet, you and Ethan sat at one of the tables.

“Do you want to eat now, or wait?” he asked, looking at you from across the table.

“We can eat now, I’m so hungry.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

While you and Ethan ate the pizza that Chad hyped up so much, you were surprised at how good it was. You kept talking to Ethan, but you soon realized how much time had passed, and no one else had showed up to the restaurant.

“Where do you think they are?” you asked, as Ethan sighed.

“Okay, don’t hate me,” he said, as you curiously stared at him. “I kind of wanted to get to know you without your brother and sister making it seem like I was trying to get into your pants.”

“That’s really sweet,” you said, taking a sip of your drink. “But if they aren’t here, where are they?”

“They probably went to the one on campus.”

“Did you trick me into going to dinner with you?” you joked, as he started to blush.

“I’ll be honest, I thought they would’ve come to hunt you down by now.”

As soon as those words left his mouth, Chad, Mindy, Tara, and who you assumed to be Anika walked in. Chad sighed in relief once he saw you, but Mindy just looked pissed.

“You know how many pizzerias we stopped at to look for you?” she questioned before she looked at Ethan. “Why did you bring her to this one?”

“Simple mistake,” he shrugged, as Mindy stared him down.

“Simple mistake, my ass. I told you Ethan would try something with her.”

“It’s just pizza!” you snapped, “Last time I checked, we weren’t fucking.”

Everyone’s jaws dropped at your words as the waitress brought the check to the table. Ethan took it from her, his mouth still hanging open as he looked at you.

“You want to split it?” you asked, as he shook his head.

“I got it.”

“We’re going back to Tara’s,” Chad said, as you stood up from the table to hug her.

“Hey,” you said, before you turned to Anika. “It’s nice to meet you. Mindy wouldn’t shut up about you all summer.”

“Aww, babe,” she said, pulling Mindy into a side hug.

“Look, as much as I’d love to hang out with you guys, I’m exhausted,” you said, yawning as Chad sighed.

“I really wanted to hang out with Tara.”

“I’ll walk her home,” Ethan suggested, as Mindy, once again, glared at him. “I can drop her off and go to Tara’s after.”

“No, I don’t want her left alone in an area that she doesn’t know,” Chad said, as you rolled your eyes.

“I can stay there with her, then. Seriously, I won’t try anything,” Ethan said, putting his hands up in defeat as Chad nodded.

“I know you won’t, dude. Thanks.”

As you and Ethan made your way out of the restaurant, you heard Mindy scold Chad for being so trusting. But Chad felt like he had no reason to think Ethan would do anything to betray his trust.

Once you got back to the apartment, you were tired, but not tired enough to fall asleep. Ethan was about to head to his room before you stopped him.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?”

“I thought you were exhausted?” he asked, as he turned around and made his way towards you.

“I just didn’t feel like going with them and being there all night,” you sighed, as he sat on the opposite end of the couch. “Why are you sitting over there?”

“Because if Chad comes home and sees me sitting beside you, I’m sure I’ll be moving out of here into an unmarked grave,” he said, half-joking as you rolled your eyes.

“Please. If it was Mindy, yeah. But Chad, I don’t think so.”

“Whatever you say,” he said, scooting closer to you as he turned on the tv. “You cool with something scary?”

“Mindy’s my sister, what do you think?”

“Scary it is.”

Ethan thought that after sitting through some of the goriest movies ever with the Twins, there was no way that you’d be freaking out over some jump scares. But once you were practically in his lap, your face hiding behind your hands as the scene played out on the screen, he started to laugh to himself.

“What?” you asked, looking up at him. That’s when you realized that you were practically on top of him and went to move, but his arm wrapped around you to hold you in place.

“Your brother and sister don’t get phased by this shit,” he said, smiling down at you. He started to glance between your eyes and your lips, and he was so close to making a move, when a loud shriek on the screen pulled your attention away from him.

“This is one of the few I haven’t seen,” you shrugged, “I wouldn’t be so jumpy if you picked something I had seen before.”

“I don’t think I believe you,” Ethan chuckled, as you turned your head to look at him again.

“If you want to kiss me, you should probably do it soon. The movie’s almost over,” you said, as he smiled and leaned down.

When his lips touched yours, you felt something different than what you’d usually feel when you’d kiss someone. You immediately felt the chemistry, and with the way his lips were quickly moving with yours, you were sure that he felt it, too.

Once he pulled away to catch his breath, he had a sweet smile on his lips. He definitely didn’t expect to kiss his best friend’s sister, but he was happy that you were bold enough to tell him it was okay. Another thing he didn’t expect was for you to adjust yourself so you were straddling him, as his eyes looked into yours. His hands moved to rest on your thighs as you leaned down to kiss him again. This time, it was way more intense. Your hands were in his hair as his hands rested on the curve of your ass to keep you as close as he could.

The second the kiss got deeper, you heard the sound of a key going into the front door.

“Shit,” you said, pulling away and jumping off the couch.

“Wait,” Ethan said, as he followed you. He pulled you in for one more quick kiss before you rushed into Chad’s room and shut the door.

When Ethan walked back out, Chad had just made it to the living room.

“Where were you?” Chad questioned, as Ethan glared at him.

“My room is beside yours. I wasn’t trying anything with your sleeping sister,” Ethan scoffed, as Chad nodded.

“Sorry, dude. I had to listen to Mindy talk about how much she hated the idea of the two of you being here alone.”

“It’s cool, just don’t accuse me of shit you know I wouldn’t do.”

Ethan felt a little guilty for lying to Chad, but you were the first girl that he’d actually felt something for in a long time. After days of stealing quick kisses and steamy make-out sessions whenever Chad was in the shower, the sexual frustration was starting to build. Ethan knew that he wasn’t going to initiate it, because the last thing he wanted was for you to think that was the reason he was spending time with you. Plus, you hadn’t been left alone long enough since the first night.

“So, I think Tara and I are going to a movie tonight. You guys want to come?” Chad asked, as Ethan looked over to you as you sat on the opposite end of the couch.

“I’m not really in the mood to watch a movie,” you said, as Chad cocked his eyebrow at you.

“You don’t want to watch a movie?” he questioned, as you shook your head. “What about you, Ethan?”

“Dude, spend time with your girlfriend. I’m sure she doesn’t want a third wheel tagging along.”

“Mindy and Anika are going, too. You wouldn’t be a third wheel,” Chad said, as Ethan chuckled.

“Your right, I’d be a fifth wheel. You guys have fun. I’ll probably just play video games all night anyway.”

“Okay, I should be back around eleven,” Chad said, as he made his way towards the apartment door.

As soon as he left, Ethan was on you, literally. You moved so you were laying back as he hovered over you, his mouth moving with yours as your legs wrapped around him.

“Hey, do you want to go to your room?” you asked once he pulled away to breathe.

“You sure?”

“Mhm.”

Within seconds, his feet met the floor, and his hands reached for yours to pull you up. He led you down the hallway to his room, before his lips connected with yours again. He backed you towards the bed, a small squeal slipping past your lips against his as your back hit the comforter. Your legs wrapped around him again, holding him as close to you as you could. One of his hands was running up your side over your shirt, until the material started to ride up. He gave you goosebumps as his fingers moved over the newly exposed flesh, before he pulled away to look at you.

“What do you want to do?” he asked, “Because if you just want to make out, that’s fine. There’s no pressure, and I don’t want you to think that I just want sex.”

”I know you don’t,” you said, smiling at him. “But if the sexual tension get’s any stronger between us and we don’t do something about it, I might actually explode.”

“So, you want sex,” he said, trying his best to not freak out.

“Yeah,” you said, as he leaned back down.

It didn’t take long for his hips to start moving, the hard cock in his sweatpants brushing against you. You gasped into the kiss every time your clit got the smallest amount of friction, before his hand moved in between your bodies so he could rub you over the shorts you were wearing.

“Fuck,” you mumbled against his lips. “You can take those off me, if you want.”

He quickly slid them down your hips before his hand went back in between your legs, rubbing across your soaked panties.

“You’re so wet,” he groaned, “Does kissing me do this to you?”

“Yes,” you said, as his lips moved to your neck.

Your bottom lip was in between your teeth as he slid your panties to the side, his finger rubbing slow circles over your clit.

“We’re here alone, baby. Don’t hold those pretty sounds in.”

Soft whimpers were slipping past your lips as his finger moved faster against your sensitive bundle of nerves. Your pussy was already drenched, and you felt yourself getting more wet by the second. You whined in protest once he pulled away, but he quickly shut you up, a low moan falling out of your mouth when he easily slid two of his fingers inside you as he moved down the bed.

Your hands tangled in his hair the second his tongue touched your clit, his fingers hitting that special spot inside you. Your hips were involuntarily arching off the bed at the feeling as he struggled to keep you pinned down.

“So good,” you moaned, as he sucked your clit into his mouth. “Fuck.”

Once he started to hum with your clit in his mouth, you felt the coil in your stomach getting tighter and tighter. Your moans kept getting higher and louder, and he made the mental note that he really couldn’t sneak around with you like this if Chad happened to be home, because you were just so loud. He loved it, though. All the noised you were making went straight to his throbbing cock as he brought you closer to the edge. Once your pussy started to squeeze his fingers, he sucked harder on your clit, the feeling throwing you into an intense orgasm. He groaned as your shaky hands tugged on his hair, his fingers slowing as he got you through it.

Once you started to relax, he sat up to look at you as he slowly slid his fingers out. Your cheeks were rosy, your chest was heaving, and you were still a little shaky. He loved that he had that effect on you and couldn’t wait to actually be inside of you.

“Let me help you with your shirt,” he said, as you sat up and looked at him, your eyes still hazy.

“That felt so good,” you finally said, as he chuckled.

“I hope so with how hard you were pulling my hair.”

“I’m sorry,” you said softly as he shook his head.

“Don’t be sorry, I loved it.”

Once he got you out of your shirt and bra, and he slid his sweatpants down his hips, he walked over to the bedside table to grab a condom.

“You still want to do this, right?” he asked, as you smiled at him.

“Yeah.”

He slid his boxers down his thighs before he rolled the condom on and lined up with your soaked pussy. He took his time as he inched his way inside of you, a loud moan falling past your lips once he was all the way in.

“So fucking tight,” he rushed out, before he started with slow thrusts. “That feel good?”

“Yes,” you moaned, your hands reaching up to squeeze your breasts as he started to go faster.

You knew you were wet, but you could hear how wet you actually were as his cock slid in and out of your pussy. His eyes stayed on you. He didn’t want to miss any of the faces you were making.

“Can I be on top?” you asked, as he smirked at you.

“Yeah, babe,” he said, as he pulled out and laid down.

You got up and moved to straddle him, the whimpers flooding out of your mouth as you sank down onto him.

Ethan felt like he was in heaven as his hands held onto your hips. He had the perfect view of your face, your tits, and he could even see his cock sliding in and out of you. Your hands moved to rest against his chest so you could stabilize yourself as you rolled your hips, the tip of his cock giving your g-spot the attention it needed.

“Come here,” he said, as you leaned down, your bare chest pressing against his. You felt his hands snake around you to hold you close before his hips started to move, his cock thrusting in and out of you so quick that you couldn’t think straight. He was letting out soft grunts that could barely be heard over your moans. You were both getting sweaty as you clung to him, his pace not letting up as you felt yourself start to get close.

“Fuck, Ethan,” you whined, as you felt that white-hot feeling spreading across your body, your hands gripping him as he just kept fucking up into you.

“I’m almost there, baby.”

You didn’t think it was possible, but he went even faster. You were a moaning mess as he kept slamming his cock into you, before his thrusts got erratic.

“Cumming,” he groaned, as you slowly moved back to meet his thrusts as he got himself through it. “Fuck, that was…fuck.”

“Yeah,” you mumbled against his chest.

He slid out of you but held you close for a few minutes, his hands rubbing over your back as you both caught your breath.

That’s when you heard other voices inside the apartment. You shot up, your eyes looking down to meet Ethan’s panicked ones.

“Where are they?” Mindy asked, the annoyance in her tone obvious as you and Ethan jumped up to grab your clothes off the floor.

Ethan quickly took the condom off and slid his boxers on as you tried to put your clothes back on. It was too late, though, once his bedroom door eased open.

“Hey, dude,” Chad said, before closing the door once he noticed Ethan was just in his boxers. “Shit, sorry.”

Chad was embarrassed as he turned to look at Mindy before he realized something. Your shorts were on Ethan’s bedroom floor.

“What the fuck is going on in here?” Chad’s voice boomed once he opened the door. This time he was able to see you, but you’d just slid your shorts back up over your hips. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

He walked over to Ethan and grabbed him by the shirt he was able to put on in those few seconds, and you could see the fear in Ethan’s eyes as he looked over to you.

“Don’t fucking look at her!” Chad yelled, as Mindy finally walked into the room.

“Told you her staying here was a mistake,” she said, as Chad got angrier by the second.

“I didn’t think that my best friend couldn’t keep his dick in his pants.”

“Stop, seriously. You guys are making this more than it needs to be,” you said, as Chad looked over to you. “Calm down, Chad. He’s your best friend.”

“Last time I checked, friends don’t sleep with their friend’s sister!” he yelled, before he looked back at Ethan. “I can’t fucking believe you did this.”

“Why are you acting like I had no part in this?” you asked, as Mindy scoffed.

“Yeah, right. I’m sure Ethan charmed you out of your panties just to get what he wanted.”

“That’s not true!” Ethan snapped, his fear of Chad kicking his ass turning to anger as his friend finally let go of his shirt. “I really like her. This has nothing to do with me just wanting to sleep with her.”

“She’s my baby sister, Ethan!”

“Stop calling me that,” you sighed in frustration. “I’m a year younger than you. I’m a legal adult. Nothing Ethan and I did is wrong aside from you two saying that he needed to keep his distance from me.”

“He obviously doesn’t listen,” Mindy said, as you felt yourself start to get mad.

“You know what really fucking sucks? You two are my best friends, but you won’t let me live. You won’t let me experience things. You know Ethan’s not a bad person…you know how bad I’ve wanted to hang out with him and get to know him better, but you guys won’t let that happen.” you ranted, “I like him, too. And if I want to be with him, you aren’t going to tell me that I can’t! You better not threaten him anymore, either. I’m sick of this childish shit.”

Your sibling stared at you as Chad nodded in understanding. He had no problem intimidating any of the boys that’d shown interest in you, but out of the two of them, he was the one that seemed to be the one that got you.

“I do really like her. I don’t want us to have to sneak around, but I’ll keep doing it, if I have to,” Ethan said, smiling at you. “She’s amazing. It’d be stupid of me to not want a chance with her.”

“Do we have to sneak around? Or can you guys be cool about it?” you asked, as Chad sighed.

“I’m cool with it. Just…no hooking up when I’m here.”

“You’re okay with this?” Mindy scoffed, as Chad rolled his eyes.

“Ethan’s not a bad person. If he really likes her, what’s the big deal?”

“And that’s why he’s my favorite,” you said, brushing past them to head to the bathroom.

“Told you,” Chad said, teasingly pointing at Mindy before she smacked his hand away. “Ow!”

“Ethan, you better not hurt her,” Mindy scolded, as he nodded.

“I won’t…but can you guys get out while I put my pants back on?”

[newtkive]

pixels [ newt x reader - modern text au ]

ch. 2 - drama queen core

summary: minho's drama finally catches up with him, but newt becomes a hero.

warnings: strong language, mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

__

THE GLADE

[ 12:08 PM ]

y/n: gm pookies

newt: it’s the afternoon.

y/n: yeah well

ur east coast

newt: so are you y/n

y/n: FINE BAD MORNING THEN ARE U HAPPY?

minho: drama queen is awake

newt: you’re the drama queen min let’s be fr

minho: u want me to die be honest

newt: see .

tommy: hey guys :3 been waiting for you all

y/n: awwww tommy <3 gm

tommy: morning sweetums

minho: ew stop

newt: how did you sleep?

tommy: good! used my new heated pillow

newt: not you

minho: not you

tommy: wtf

WHO THEN?? THERES LIKE 7 OTHER PPL IN HERE

minho: he means y/n

and there’s 4 other people not including newt and y/n dumbass

y/n: oh

why just me????

newt: cuz you stayed up til 6 am

y/n: ..

how do you know that

newt: i saw you were active on discord

gally: doesn’t that mean you were awake too then

newt: ok and?

minho: thats crazy newt

newt: no it isn’t

i just casually saw it

y/n: hehe

im ok i need to sleep more. sims 4 was really consuming me

why were you awake??

newt: up for work

minho: you get on discord before work?

chronically online..

newt: can you choke and pass out and hit your head please

minho: THE WAY U WANT ME DEAD IS INSANE

y/n: he’s gotta check on his discord hoes before hitting the grind

newt: there are no discord hoes

unless you count thomas

and i don’t

tommy: well why not

newt: because you disgust me

tommy: love u too :3<3

minho: y’all about to kiss aren’t you

newt: never say that shit again im outside your door with a b*mb

minho: why censor it

just blow me up it’s my grandmas house anyway. u want to jump her that bad????

gally: blow that bitch up i say

y/n: HELLO???!,!!

gally: minho not grandma

she loves me cuz im so tall

minho: tall people always gotta remind you they’re tall 😒

like we get it bigfoot

gally: shut up tinkerbell

y/n: you’re somewhat tall minho

minho: any man under 6’0 is considered short

y/n: yeah but newt is 6 ft trapped in a 5’10 body so not totally true

newt: what does that even mean

minho: give me a break

i can tell you exactly what that means

she wanna hit

newt: stop

tommy: don’t get his hopes up

newt: dude

stfu

y/n: what newt said

gally: can we appreciate the only one actually over 6 ft here

minho: no.

tommy: im the same height as newt!!!!

y/n: yea but ur like 3 ft trapped in a 5’10 body tommy not the same

tommy: oh ..

minho: kind of real

newt: can someone kick gally i’m tired of seeing his fucking name on my phone

gally: then turn your phone off don’t you have old ladies to tend to at the library

newt: yeah and they all love me

y/n: so real

if i was old i’d go in there and imagine you’re my young boyfriend and cling to everything u say

tommy: true im the old ladies

y/n: LMAO

minho: write a fanfic y/n why don’t you

newt: yeah you both are old and not beating the dementia allegations

y/n: IM THE YOUNGEST HERE

ur just mad you’re old as dirt

tommy: youth has left you newt and it has turn you bitter in your old age.

minho: thomas knows big words who knew

newt: which word in that sentence was big??

y/n: shut up minho

minho: wtf did i do

y/n: idk but i imagine you sitting there typing on your little phone and i got pissed

minho: WHAT???!.‘wKWHFO

newt: LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

yeah chubby little fingers hitting the wrong letters on his iphone 8

minho: im leaving

tommy: dont leave i forgive you for what you said

minho: i don’t give a damn

y’all mad y’all are all fake im the realest i’ve been prophesizing and reading scriptures 7000 years before y’all fake asses were born be so for real right now

y/n: not reading that

congrats

or sorry for what happened idk

about to drink my coffee in a wine glass

tommy: just drink wine

newt: it’s noon tommy??

tommy: ok and?

newt: explains a lot

minho: no coffee for me this new year only water and pussy juice fr fr

[ newt removed minho from the group ]

tommy: woah

y/n: woah..

newt: i can’t take it anymore

alby: How did you get that access..?

newt: don’t worry about it

in times of need i have to step in like that

y/n: hi alby!

alby: Hey y/n!

tommy: you’re such a hero newt

gally: that was deserved

who wants to play minecraft rn

y/n: me!!

alby: I’ll play, I’m off work today.

y/n: let’s go to the desert i want a camel

gally: alright but then the caves after i wanna mine

newt: if you mine with her you gotta bring extra food and storage when she dies so you can pick up the fallen items

gally: i forget you’re her designated babysitter

y/n: oh please no he isn’t

and i’ll bring my own food

newt: you always say that and then leave it in the stove oven

y/n: WELL I WONT THIS TIME

newt: sure ok

i’ll get on after work

[ alby added minho to the group ]

minho: when i get you.

newt: why did you add him back alby

alby: He was harassing me.

newt: be a man and take it

gally: im leaving

[ gally left the group ]

minho: im going to throw up and die

newt: im staying out of this

minho: (guy who caused it) im staying out of this

y/n: why does gally alwyas leave 😔

newt: why question a gift from the heavens

tommy: get online y/n gally is attacking my dirt house w a pickaxe :((((

y/n: NO IM COMING

minho: im coming to your work newt

newt: okay im locking the door early then

minho: i’ll smash through the glass idc

newt: i’m leaving my shift is over at 1 today.

minho: i’ll use life360 on you

newt: i deleted that app

minho: i’ll stand in the middle of the street

newt: ok let me position my car in front of you

just come to my apartment and we can play w them on pc and xbox

minho: …. fine but i hate your guts

newt: fine

y/n: HURRY GALLY IS ATTACKING MY SHED NOOOOWWW

newt: i’ll just rebuild it

minho: i’ll set it on fire just wait

[nnnyxie]

TIFU by confessing to my best friend

idk i was watching tik tok and it inspired me to write…

enjoy?

u/spacejamvolleyball

hi everyone. as the title says, i confessed to my best friend. but the thing is— she has a boyfriend.

just some backstory; i’ve been in love with my best friend for years. i never made a move cause i was scared she’d reject me. plus i wouldn’t wanna ruin our friendship. we’ve been best friends since we were 8. she’s been with her boyfriend for a few months now and i’m pretty sure he dislikes me— rightfully so.

anyways.

last night we were celebrating her 21st birthday. it wasn’t at a club or anything. just a few drinks at her place and some grass. well, we had gotten really drunk (if you know seagram’s then you KNOW seagram’s). we usually have these super deep talks when it’s late and we aren’t exactly sober lol. but we were having that sort of talk and she brought up how her boyfriend hasn’t been the best lately. i won’t disclose the details cause she trusted me with that. buuuut things just weren’t going well. after she vented a bit, she like… looked at me for a response. but all i could think was ‘you’re so beautiful’ ‘i’d never do that’ ‘i’d treat you well’ etc etc. so, instead of replying like a normal, good friend would— i said

“you’re beautiful and your boyfriend doesn’t deserve to have you. you’re so amazing and so much better than he ever could be.”

she gave me a ‘k that was random and a little weird’ look cause it’s not something i’d ever really say. and normally i’d try to give her advice.

but for some god forsaken reason, i KEPT GOING. i said

“please just leave. i can take so much better care of you. i can show you the love you deserve. i love you so much. i’m so in love with you.”

and thennnn she sort of dropped her jaw and was like ‘dude what the fuck’. i basically sobered up after realizing what i did. fuck i felt so guilty. i STILL feel guilty. i ruined our friendship AND may have ruined her relationship cause there’s no doubt she told them. i probably made her so fucking uncomfortable. i’ve read these stories where dudes only stay in friendships to get some but that was not the case with me AT ALL. she’s my best friend before anything else. never once have i thought about our friendship like that. i never once thought about stopping our friendship cause she wasn’t giving any. i always saw our friendship as OUR FRIENDSHIP. but i probably made her think i was just trying to do shit.

now moving on…

we both stayed quiet for a moment and then she began crying. made my stomach drop. i never wanted to be the reason she cried the way she did. she was still drunk (and a bit high) so she was slurring her words a bit. but she said somethin along the lines of

“you’re such a dick. why would you tell me this now? i’m in a fucking relationship dude.”

and during this all she was crying. i’ve heard her cry before— happy, sad, angry, etc but i have NEVER heard her cry like she did last night. she was telling me i needed to leave and that i should’ve never told her i was in love with her. i tried apologizing but she kept interrupting me. which is understandable, she wanted me gone. but before i left— while she was still sobbing, she said

“you’re fucked up.”

and yeah. i haven’t texted or called her. i’m sure she doesn’t wanna hear from me…

*UPDATE

———————————————————————————————

relevant comments:

u/fraxtaud

Bet u she was actually tryna fuck but u messed shit up by saying that LMAO

⤷ u/bowsercok

found a misogynist!

u/hairybabiehairyybabiee

tbh it sounds like maybe she feels/felt the same but yk she’s in a relationship now so it upset her. idk tho

u/buttplughawtdawg

brutha……… you defo fucked uppppp. no amount of apologizing is gonna fix ts…. ur doomed my guy

anyone up for an update?

[strang3lov3]

fuck them all dude, i swear i feel like a boomer these days. waves of normies (a lot of them young) flooded fandoms during quarantine and don’t know how to respect the people who share their talents with the rest of us. i see it happening with popular streamers and youtuber’s too. they don’t respect boundaries or see you as human. they don’t stop to think about the amount of energy/time people are putting into the things they create. they want a nonstop source of dopamine and they’ll demand it from you.

i know it’s easier said than done, but i’d ignore their stupid little cries for attention and manipulative anon messages guilting you for not posting with those stupid frowny faces . fuck em’, they can go watch tiktoks and jerk off like the rest of us who have no talent to share with our communities

sorry if this comes off as bitter and brash but uh…i’m tired of watching ungrateful brats dog on y’all for not posting exactly what they want every single day. i’ve seen too many wonderful people on this site get disheartened and leave because of these greedy maggots. love you lots 💋♥️

I feel this! I do. I don’t know how to put it into words or talk about it without sounding ungrateful, but like, yeah. It fucking sucks to be seen and treated as a fic vending machine. Not by every one of my anons and not every time, but yeah. It happens and it feels bad. I get to my readers, it sucks having weeks and weeks between certain fic updates but for fuck’s sake I’m not sitting here with my thumb up my ass - I write so goddamn much lmao, but I’m not always writing for characters the majority of my readers want to read for.

And then by the same token, I have anons who get a little too close for comfort and speak to me or about like they know me, and like, they just don’t. I get that I’m a safe place to land for a lot of people and ik that’s because I care about treating people who hang out here with dignity. I understand that because of the dark/icky nature of what I write, most people here like to be anonymous because it feels more comfortable and safe, and hoooly fuck I cannot fault someone wanting to interact on here privately when like, *gestures broadly in the direction of no particular blog 🙃* ya know? So yeah, I don’t think being on anon means respect/kindness from me goes out the door.

Anyway, continuing on - I know I’m chatty and open about a lot, but I am still someone that most readers on here don’t know, whether they feel that way or not. I felt bothered when an anon yesterday was like “I thought you were the kind of person who reads more fics” and like, idk what led ya to believe that but look at how much writing I churn out and tell me how I’m supposed to read a bunch at the same time ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ They sounded disappointed to me and I wasn’t sure what to like, make of that. But maybe they weren’t disappointed, idk. Didn’t wanna dog on em for a tone that may or may not have been present in that post. You know, that and like, maybe I’d piss em off and they’d go running to shit on me in an inbox of a certain blog or make their own vague post of me because our interaction did not go the way they wanted it to go. And I do not know how to illustrate that they may think they know me, and they may feel disappointed that I didn’t live up to their expectations, but I don’t know them. We’re not friends, and then we’re not even interacting in a way that is natural for a friendship. And then I’m like, punished for it at times. I feel like I’m not always on a level playing field here.

It sucks. And it’s hard. It feels exhausting having so many people having so many varying expectations of me and Iiiiii ammmm just a guy. I’m really am just some guy lmao. And I don’t only write during all 24 hours of the day and I don’t only exist on tumblr. I am someone’s partner in love and life, I am a friend, I am a student, I am a cat mom, I am an artist and a cook and an aunt and like. You know? I am a person who has to clean her apartment and shower and fold the laundry and do the dishes. I just wish people kept that in mind.

And then alllllll of that aside, that’s not even touching on like, how bad it feels to write for a particular fandom that is so fucking hostile, and rife with insecurity and the fucking need to destroy people for…what. Writing fic? Give me a fuckin break lmao. And it doesn’t touch on the physical and emotional process of writing a fic. And how much goes into that. It’s probably not visible to casual readers, regular readers probably maybe can see it, but I know that certain people close to me sure as shit can see what the fuck goes into me writing. Emotionally it is a huge give and take, holy fuck. And I’m not complaining, it’s something I like to do, and that feels cathartic but like,,,,yeah. Like you said. It would be nice if that was considered before people demand more stuff from me.

Luckily, there are a lot of people who do consider this. And I feel bad that their asks aren’t answered as quickly or that they get buried but I think we have a good understanding of each other since they talk to me like I’m a person with a life going on outside of this. Like you, 💋♥️ anon.

So if you’re an anon who maybe requests stuff or sends in thots that I don’t answer but you’re like “but I feel like I was pretty nice to her?” You were! And I love and appreciate you, and this vent isn’t about you - this is about,,,you know who. “MORE ____ NOW” and “where’s ___ :( ”. You are the “hi, I hope you’re well! I had this idea, thought you might like it” sort of anons, and you’re not doing anything wrong by being kind and excited about my work. Not by a long shot.

Anyway. Idk how to wrap this ramble up lmao. I just have to fucking roll with the punches. Should probably be better about logging out, too. When I was gone this past weekend I felt amazing and so much less anxious, and then it alllll came back the minute I opened tumblr and saw….ya know. I’m gesturing broadly once again, lmao. Cause it could be fuuuckin anything.

[lsunstreakerl]

Omg omg omg instant casual intimacy, they are SO in love.

Oh please, Royal couple going on a cave excursion to soothe the townsfolk’s worries💞💞, I bet they LOVE Max, likes he’s had public appearances nailed ever since he gave that one little boy some gold at the inn, SURELY they’re obsessed w the new royal couple. If I was a fanfiction writer in Rico’s kingdom my ao3 would be going WILD

Why is Jos only missing a few fingers??? Can you make him miss an entire hand? Or arm? Or maybe like everything??

Desperately need Rico levels of Rizz rn.

Aww, “His voice hardens. ‘It won’t happen again.’” It’s so obvious he still feels pent up and guilty about it all, so glad he’s taking the correct plan of action and holding Max very very close just in case a breeze of wind hits him too hard and he needs to be right there to catch him falling off the bed, so he can be protected from any further injuries.

No way Max shanked some like 6’9 guy (I forgot his height) and his only damn reaction is “😒 I could’ve gotten away with no injuries, clearly this wasn’t good enough”, it’s a genuine wonder how the North was failing when there soliders are like THAT

Max🤝Rico’s bicep

Omgomg shut UP Rico is the only person Max feels safe enough to let his guard down with I’m literally dying. I mean I get it, if I was engaged to someone twice my height and large enough to cover my entire body who also happens to have insane fighting skills I’d feel pretty safe too, does Rico feel the same when he’s with Max??? Is there a kind of mutual understanding that they can both relax bc they know the other would rock someone’s shit for them?

Crazy how Max doesn’t have the biggest thighs in the relationship

Rico proud and impressed with his wifey and then very very jealous and the fact that he isn’t the only one who has realised how impressive and cool and pretty Max is (but seriously, how many times do you need to wrap a guy up in your royal craft and your cloaks and your clothes before other people start to back off?)

Lmao, Rico deeply enjoying when his tiny little wife gets moody with him (despite the very real possibility of his ass getting kicked if things go south)

What a very convincing ‘nothing’ Max! Well done on another day of complete and total subtlety!

Will Rico manage to put the dots together that funnily enough, the only time when Max started to squirm and blush was after he’d just had what was honestly another crazy homosexual fight scene with his ex?

THEY HELD HANDS!!! THEY HELD HANDS!!!! THEG ARE LITERALLY HOLDING HANDS!!!!

Okay this has the potential to sound really stupid, but who is Joris? I always hear him mentioned in literally every fanfic but I’ve only now realised I actually don’t know who he is or what he does. Same w Denis and Willem but I’m assuming that’s something on Ricos side of things, and the only thing I know about kickboxing, isn’t even about kickboxing it’s about wrestling, and it’s barely wrestling I just know that Rhea Ripley is very very hot.

MORE CASUAL INTIMACY!!!?

No way Dennis fumbles an entire mission, and Max fixes it all up quite nicely for them with a bloodied bow on top and all he gets in thanks is being referred to as consort.

Okay, what a king, Joris instantly reaching for his sword, and Max being hilarious as usually, and Rico being really fucking hot and protective as usual

I literally love protective Rico so much

Max has been horny ever since he’s learnt he’s allowed to be.

That is quote literally the gayest scene I’ve ever read, just making sure Max isn’t as tight…

Must have been difficult for Rico to try and hide the 12 inch horizontal hard on whilst Max clambers over him

SORRY THIS WAS SUPER LONG I JIST REALLY LIKED THE CHAPTER AND THIS WAS SUPER NICE TO COME HOME TO AFTER EXAMS LOVE YOU QUEEN THANK YOU FOR BLESSING US 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

this was such a joy to get in the askbox!! yap begets yap :D

max has definitely already managed to build himself a positive reputation— he was kind in the first village they stopped at, he didn't abandon the castle when they got attacked, and he killed saddik! so the people are incredibly fond of him already. (and yes, they make up little scenarios based off of the gossip.)

he's actually missing those fingers because of sophie, LMAO. she threatened to do it, he thought she wouldn't follow through... not his brightest moment.

rico's guilt complex about not being there when he was needed absolutely eats at him. saddik was his problem, and he got out of hand because rico didn't have the heart to kill him sooner, and now not only are his people rattled, but his very new betrothed is laid up with a fairly significant injury. max obviously does not think the whole thing is near as complicated as rico makes it out to be, but that's also just him. (there was a threat, there is no longer a threat, problem solved) you definitely see rico's slight paranoia in his own POV— having to go make sure max is safe, wanting to keep him close, those are both behaviors that while yes, he would've eventually displayed organically, have come to the surface much quicker than they initially would have.

to be fair, the north is very good at producing soldiers. but a series of harsh winters decimated their already meager farmland, and they'd previously had a solid trading partner who'd then been conquered and would no longer trade, and everything just kind of snowballed. sophie was helping run things until she finally got fed up with jos and walked out, which is part of the reason she and victoria left. max took over the bookkeeping, which is how he found out things were worse than he'd assumed, and he proceeds to get even more hands on in the administrative day-to-day. (this helps him significantly when rico is gone)

the real ship is max and rico's bicep you are so right.

max finally not having to be the most responsible person in the room— you really can't blame him for immediately conking the hell out. rico "protecting" him from karim really helps cement that reassurance in his mind that rico can and will protect both of them. rico's not seen max in action yet, but it definitely becomes a foundation of their relationship throughout the years, that they truly and deeply trust each other. rico's been carrying the weight of the kingdom on his own for so long, max is able to understand when he just needs a break from it all.

rico is a very big fan of max's earmuffs thighs!

the duke got one judgmental stare from max and was immediately like "I must turn my attitude around for the honor of my family lest the new queen disapprove of me" while also being the worlds biggest flatterer. rico is... not a huge fan.

he was definitely playing with fire when he was teasing max! lucky for him, max is still shy enough that he's not going to wrestle him about being smug and thinking he's funny. (yet.)

words most convincing "nothing" goes to... anyone but max in that scene.

no, but in rico's defense, he'd been gone around a month at that point, so it's kind of fair he assumes it happened not too long after he left.

HAND HOLDING. SO PROUD OF THEM.

LOL okay, so you're probably thinking of charles' joris. he's one of charles' friends and also his photographer(?) iirc. for fmf, joris and willem are both original characters, whereas dennis and karim are part of rico's irl team, and saddik is another professional fighter.

rhea ripley is really hot you're so right.

THEY ARE SO. listen, when they get it together, they get it together. absolutely a royal family to be proud of. they care, and they're loyal, and they're disgustingly in love with each other!

ah, dennis. what an asshole. to be fair to him, he could've sworn he's seen max before...

max getting horny every time rico does anything is so real of him. I'll defend that behavior.

rico absolutely had an agenda with the whole no-shirt massage thing going on, and he now has spank bank material for the next... however long it takes until they actually get together.

I'm glad you liked it!!! chapter seven has had a very positive reception which always makes me super happy to see, and I'm of course always thrilled when you guys pick apart all your favorite little details 🫶🤍

[rivetgoth]

Can I be honest I see tguys say stuff like this all the time and it’s just so fucking crazy sounding to me. I can’t believe how many of them felt some kind of camaraderie or community with cis women. I was consistently ostracized by women and girls in my life for my not being able to successfully assimilate into girlhood/womanhood and almost exclusively friends with boys through my entire childhood. My closest “female” friends growing up literally all came out as FTM around the same time I did. When I was fully “female”-passing pre-everything closeted etc I was still treated like a freak for being in the women’s room & at the very minimum was presumed gay throughout middle and high school to the point that I was called slurs & people would tease me by asking me how lesbians have sex with each other etc. I don’t mean to like invalidate people or say that these people’s experiences aren’t valid but I just think it’s crazy how common of a narrative “lamenting losing your community with fellow women” is in the FTM community when not only is that like a lifetime away from my experience but tooooons of WOMEN I know don’t even feel a universal camaraderie with fellow women 😭 Black women, trans women, autistic women, butch women (and obviously all those categories can overlap), even just cis women who were Weird Girls, I’ve talked to many who didn’t feel any of what OP is describing…

Crazier too (& I always see comments like this too) is people in the comments of this post being like “yeah OP being a man sucks because men are so cruel to each other and aren’t gentle and warm like women are and men’s bathrooms suck and are nasty and grimy and you can’t compliment women without being seen as a creep,” and I also don’t get that shit. Just detransition if you hate being a man that much bro I’m out here living as a man because I want to. I remember the time this goofy trans guy wrote some article going on and on about how the men’s restroom is a cold disgusting space of toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia and how men are performatively cruel to each other in there so they don’t seem gay or something and it was just. Incomprehensible to me (I’d seen that article and hated it before this even happened, but that SAME GUY later wrote some insane “how to pick up trans girls” article about how to seduce trans girls that was literally insanely dehumanizing, creepy, and misogynistic, shocker). I’ve been in men’s rooms all over the damn place in conservative areas liberal areas in foreign countries and men’s bathrooms are just. Fine. They’re fine. I think it’s really overshooting to assume some unspoken hostility when men in bathrooms aren’t super social because the social dynamic of men’s rooms has always made perfect sense to me lmao the goal is to spend as little time around the damn toilets as possible and just do your business and get out without bothering people or holding anyone up.

Idk. I don’t really have a uniform thesis in all this I just think it’s one of the most bizarre frequent things I see from the FTM community—so many guys seem to genuinely hate being men and feel that they felt some warm connected community with womanhood and this even comes out in way more genuinely toxic ways, the guy who wrote the weird “how to seduce trans women” drivel being case in point, or like, mis/degendering trans women by claiming they don’t understand the like innate female connection™️ that they have or by sounding like straight up incels being like “oh women are so beautiful and soft and kind meanwhile as a man I’m forced to be alone and suffer in silence the male loneliness epidemic is real” or whatever. Like I’d understand and be much more interested in analysis from trans men about the pitfalls of identifying with manhood in relation to patriarchal power structures or how harrowing it can be to be accepted as a man in a community of men and be made privy to the way some men will so brazenly speak about women in their presence and how to navigate that, but it’s never even about hating manhood as an oppressive force or dealing with actual bigotry from fellow men, it’s about feeling like manhood is isolating and lonely while womanhood is warm and connected and community-oriented and I just find that kinda batshit and just not. True. I have cishet male friends who tell me they love me, who offer to go with me into the bathroom to help me throw up if I’m too drunk, who wish me happy birthday with heart emojis…

I honestly think a lot of the problem here is that a lot of trans men have exclusively female friends pre-coming out (which again is still kinda wild to me, but w/e) and then when they do come out and begin transitioning feel the divide form between them and their cisgender girl friends and become convinced this is some epidemic of male isolation rather than like. Just the reality of having old friends who you could relate to more at a different point in your life. I think making more male, trans, and LGBT in general friends would really make a difference for these people. And just generally making friends that are contingent on more than “we were assigned the same sex at birth.” As an adult now I’m pretty discerning with who I’m friends with and I have amazing friends who are both cis men and women & trans men and women and I don’t feel like I have trouble relating to them or feeling left out by any of them. I guess ultimately it’s harmless unless it becomes the weird spiraling incel stuff I was talking about before but I find it kinda incomprehensible how often “I hate being a man” is uttered in spaces comprised of people who are undergoing massive trial and tribulation medically, physically, socially, financially, etc with the express purpose of being a man.

[neims-skeleton-obsession]

Do you have anymore thoughts or ideas for medieval sorcerer society? :3 I really enjoyed your previous posts abt it

HI YES. IM FULL OF IDEAS. I love talking about this lmao ajdbajdbsjd. Also apologies for the delay work couldn’t decide whether it wanted to be busy or dry as fuck 😔😔

Obligatory disclaimer for whenever I post about this I’m talkin bout medieval England specifically! Because to be completely honest I know. Not much at all about other places.

Just gonna quick fire some ideas if y’all want elaborations on any let me know!!!

- I think exploring the differences between working class sorcerers and sorcerers in the nobility could be really interesting. As well as how those groups interact, seeing as how for much of the medieval period wealthier sorcerers would have pretty direct power over smaller communities (think feudalism)

- Speaking of feudalism. I really like the idea of sorcerer knights (vassals) providing military service etc for a mortal lord. I feel like it could be funny, just this one mortal guy that keeps unknowingly making fealty oaths with and giving land to sorcerers + supporting magical communities.

- Around the 12th century I think? You got people moving to towns to seek opportunities outside of farming. And I wonder if sorcerers also did this? We know magical communities were essentially an escape from mortal society, but I’d be interested to know if around this time you got sorcerers and mortals mingling more, n their communities starting to merge again? Or did sorcerers stick together and establish urban settlements that remained separate? Much to consider.

- Considering trades were generally passed down through generations, do we think some that died out in mortal society were kept alive by sorcerers? Given they were living much longer, I’d assume they’d also continue doing what they’d been taught and were used to for longer- so maybe techniques for making clothes that were lost to time for mortals due to technological advancement stuck around within magical communities.

- Similar to above, do we think sorcerers maybe stuck to the same fashion for longer? I think it’d be funny if magical communities just looked suspiciously outdated or out of time.

- I choose to believe the practice of tattooing sigils is Old As Fuck- and tattoos weren’t by any means unheard of over the Middle Ages (as broad as that time period is), and they had. Quite a few purposes. What I’m saying is I want to see medieval sorcerers with a combination of period typical (yes I’m aware how broad the period is) tattoos/body art plus sigils. It would be fun I think.

- So fun fact the term “dark ages” came from renaissance writers and scholars that were essentially being snobby lil assholes (the medieval period was by no means lacking in innovation, art, etc. there just wasn’t as much surviving documentation). And I headcanon sorcerers that lived during both periods would’ve been salty as fuck about it.

feel free to add shit or correct me if I’ve fumbled as always :] <3

[zepskies]

hiiii, it’s me again 😅💙 i hope your week is off to a good start lovely !!💗🫂 i have yet another random question, that i hope is fun :) it might be a little confusing, but here it is;

which versions of your jensen characters do you think would get along the most, and which ones do you think wouldn’t get along at all?

like for example, i’d like to think smoke eater-dean and take me home-beau would get along :)

meanwhile i’m not so sure break me down-ben would get along with against the wind-dean 🤔 (all the alpha macho man stuff maybe, one of them being a literal alpha loll)

if this is too strange or confusing please feel free to ignore lmao <3 have a wonderful rest of your day !!💕💕

Hey lovely, how are you? 💕 My week is off to a much better start than my weekend lol. And yay!! Omg I love your Qs. You always come up with good ones, and this one was no exception. 😉

Which versions of your Jensen characters do you think would get along the most, and which ones do you think wouldn’t get along at all?

Oh, interesting. 🤔 I'm going to separate my answers like this:

Cowboys & Law Enforcement:

I think you're so right -- Dean Winchester from Smoke Eater, my firefighter AU, would get along really well with Beau Arlen in Take Me Home. Even though Beau had a conflict with a firefighter in that story (the reader's asshole ex-fiance), he wouldn't hold it against all firefighters. 😜

Likewise, I think TMH Beau would also get along with Western/Cowboy Dean from The Honorable Choice and Outlander...for obvious reasons. Who doesn't wanna see a modern cowboy sheriff meet a true western cowboy? 🤠❤️

Soldier Boy:

He's his own category because...let's face it, he's prickly lmao.

Break Me Down version of Ben really only gets along with the reader (and his daughter) in that world. 😂 ...Well, maybe Frank and Loco too. But they're his subordinates, so it's a different dynamic.

However, Ben and Alpha Dean from Against the Wind would certainly butt heads, mostly because Ben is cocky as fuck and doesn't really care about making friends and being personable with people he thinks he's better than, unfortunately. The best the BMD reader can do is keep him civil with another "alpha" male, like Butcher or M.M. -- men he actually respects. 😅

BMD Ben might actually get along with Lost on You Ben, only because that version of SB has gone through a similar character growth. They would be able to find some common ground. And hell, BMD Ben would probably give LOY Ben some unsolicited parenting advice, especially where John is concerned. 😂

Also, I think Alec McDowell from Being Human would annoy the ever living shit out of BMD and LOY Ben the most lmfao. Alec's probably the only one who can match Ben's cockiness, considering he's a super soldier himself. How young and sarcastic and smart he is would just make him doubly grating for SB. 🤣💚

Total Bros:

As for who would get along the best...

I think Midnight Espresso Dean would get along the best with Russell Shaw from Every Second Counts. ME version of Dean is essentially "normal Dean" in his 40s with a Latina girlfriend.

Russell is around his same age, has done some shady shit, has "seen some stuff that would blow your hair back," drives a Chevy Malibu comparable to Dean's Chevy Impala, LOVES food and beer -- oh yeah, these guys would hang. 😂💜

[happylikeasadsong]

syd x carmy in season three

i’m back here cause i have way too much to say than it can fit on thread on twt

this is just what i could come up after sitting on s3 for the past few days, i was spiralling, it was bad.

this will be a long one, so settle in!

for me, regardless if this season was supposed to be a two parter or not, one thing that’s clear to me is that we were meant to watch this rupture in their relationship develop throughout the season.

listen, he was locked in that freezer for hours, and in those hours he spiraled beyond control. we can’t expect sydcarmy to have the same dynamic as the past seasons cause they’re not in the same place they were before. Carmy locked in the walk-in changed him and therefore, changed their dynamic too.

he promised syd in the first episode that he was never gonna leave her alone again, but in his fucked up mind, this means never let her make a solo decision when is comes to the menu, is having him make all the decisions himself and have the last say and change her every input. For him, this is how he honours his promise and for syd is how he makes her feel under appreciated and undermined.

he makes it look like it doesn’t matter what she does, as great as it is, he’ll always change it and make it about him. the decision of having her as a partner takes her by surprise cause they have never discussed it, he dumps all of these things on her, first thing in the morning, she can wrap her mind around the fact that’s that same guy she left a few hours before. He’s completely changed.

And though she tries to at least get on board and support his non-negotiables list and the menu changing every day and all the bullshit with richie, by “doors” she’s already exhausted of trying to keep up with him, tired of being his babysitter.

so when that new opportunity is presented to her, she actually considers it because it’s a way out of working in a stress free environment where she has full creative control to shape the new place as she sees fit (also the pay and benefits?? I’d be signing that shit right there lmao). It really is an incredible opportunity.

so yeah, i feel like we were meant to see how they crack under pressure and this was something chris storer had said in interviews before when talking about s2 on how hard it is to open a restaurant and keep it running once you do. he always wanted to explore the gritty stuff and I felt like he accomplished that in this season.

from a narrative standpoint, at some point we had to see syd and carmy’s partnership is put to test, we need to see what falling out to the point of almost no return looks for them in order to see how they are gonna find their way back to each other. and i can’t see a better time to do it than now.

it can feel hopeless, yes, and feel like they’re not gonna make it to the finish line, but let’s remember this is a story about finding new ways to reconnect to the things/ people you love, found family and generational trauma.

we see carmy is at his lowest, sydney is at her lowest, so logically the only way we can get to is up.

i believe that after carmy confronted his abusive boss, he had some sort of breakthrough from the way he sighed after their talk. i took it as his way of beginning to process his trauma.

as for sydney, we saw how deeply the idea of leaving has affected her, even though she knows is for a better place where her ideas will be respected and appreciated they way she knows it deserves. hopefully her panic attack will be enough to make her realize she needs help making the decision (if she can’t have her best friend and partner for this, then she’ll have her dad).

all of this to say that i am hopeful and excited to see what’s coming next year, and i truly believe sydcarmy is on the right path (this is a slow burn doing slow burn things ffs). We can’t let go just when things gets interesting. im dying to see their big fight, it’s something I’ve been needing since s2.

they’re still soulmates (after we saw the invisible string scene, there’s no going back) and they had significant scenes this season too, just not the way ppl thought it would be.

let’s have them work it out on the remix

[socra-time]

Socra’s Naruto Liveblog, Ep 81-90:

Ep 81:

-I like the weird jingling noise the Akatsuki are accompanied by because of the bells on their hats, it’s appropriately creepy

-welp I guess I know what happened to the Kazekage now

-I want to know Kabuto’s backstory. Like what is his deal actually

-booo I do NOT want Jiraiya to be Hokage (and neither does he lmao)

-Kakashi clocked Kurenai and Asuma being a thing so fucking fast

-I like the Akatsuki’s painted nails

-shark man shark man shark man!

-so between some of Orochimaru’s lackeys, Orochimaru himself, and Kisame, there’s clearly people in this universe who don’t look human, and I’d like to know more about that

-obviously Kurenai was going to lose to Itachi but I feel like they could have made her do more (justice for Kurenai)

-shoutout to the ramen guy, what a chad

Ep 82:

-I actually kinda liked the exchange between Naruto and Jiraiya when Jiraiya convinced Naruto to come with him to find Tsunade, it was cute

-has Sasuke just been living in his abandoned family home after his brother murdered every other family member???? Because uh YIKES that’s sad

-so I was traveling and took a short break from watching Naruto because I was busy, and I highkey felt so warm and fuzzy when I saw Naruto being all excited about Jiraiya teaching him a new jutsu and I realized… I missed this lil gremlin, goddammit

-Itachi says that only someone with “both the sharingan and kekkei genkai” could defeat him, and I get that he means an actual Uchiha family member (aka Sasuke) but like… I thought the sharingan IS a kekkei genkai?????? I’m a little confused about that ngl

-wow Itachi just casually has an Infinite Torture jutsu I guess. Also it’s REALLY unsettling to see Kakashi so shaken-up

-Kurenai is so out of the loop, I feel bad for her

-hm so I knew of both Orochimaru and the Akatsuki before I started watching this show, but I didn’t know that Orochimaru was part of the Akatsuki at one point

-GAI TO THE RESCUE

-Gai says “iTAchi” the same way he says “kaKAshi” and it’s glorious

-booooooooo let Kurenai fight (I know that technically it makes more sense to have Asuma stay and fight with Gai because Kurenai’s genjutsu is basically useless against Itachi, but still, Kurenai is getting ROBBED)

Ep 83:

-Naruto is so freaking cute. Also I love him roasting Jiraiya

-do we ever get to actually see Sakura’s parents? I’m sure they’re just randos but still it’s kinda funny that all we get of them are disembodied voices

-I like that Sasuke openly thinks of Naruto and Sakura as his friends

-Naruto is super endearing in this episode, I like seeing him just being a goofy kid

-I didn’t think about it before, but Orochimaru looked non-human even as a kid, which is interesting. I think I assumed that his appearance was the result of all the experimentation he did taking some kind of physical toll on him, but that’s clearly not the case

-Kid Jiraiya’s voice is really annoying

-lmao not Sasuke just barging into Kakashi’s apartment-

-damn this is the most frantic we’ve seen/heard Sasuke

-OH the reveal that Sasuke didn’t find Naruto and then Naruto coming face to face with Itachi was goooood

Ep 84:

-OH SHIT ARE WE GETTING SASUKE/ITACHI BACKSTORY

-baby Sasuke is so cute. Just a lil guy. His voice acting isn’t very good tho

-also Itachi looks and sounds pretty much the same in Sasuke’s flashback, which is somewhat off-putting

-Sasuke got ALL of his mom’s genes lmao

-Jesus so obviously I knew about the Uchiha massacre but seeing what Sasuke saw is still absolutely horrifying

-yeah there’s no way Itachi doesn’t have other reasons for what he did, I just have no idea what the hell those reasons would be

-based on what I know, I feel like Konoha kinda failed Sasuke. Like this little kid lived through something unspeakable and he was just kinda left alone???? It’s a miracle he’s not even MORE fucked up

-Itachi casually deflecting the chidori, Sasuke’s biggest move, was a great way to show their power imbalance but also WHERE THE FUCK IS JIRAIYA PLS SAVE THE KIDS

-annnnd there’s Jiraiya. For once I am very happy to see him

Ep 85:

-geez Sasuke is REALLY getting his shit rocked by Itachi

-Itachi really is just psychologically torturing Sasuke at this point. Like literally what the fuck is wrong with him, why is he so set on making his 12 year old brother suffer

-ok so Jiraiya’s Toad Mouth Trap is really weird. It’s kinda funny how there’s “normal” jutsus and then someone will just pull out some really bizarre shit like that

-LMAO NOT GAI KICKING JIRAIYA-

-god I feel really bad for Sasuke

Ep 86:

-GAI OFFERED NARUTO A ONESIE LMAOOO I FUCKING LOVE HIM

-Gai and Naruto have a cute dynamic

-also I can’t believe there actually was a zoom-in on Gai’s ass (nice)

-Naruto’s little frog wallet is adorable

-I love seeing Naruto just being a lil goober

Ep 87:

-I like Jiraiya’s platform sandals

-if the rasengan is supposedly the second-hardest jutsu (according to Jiraiya, at least), I wonder what the first is

-Naruto getting inspiration from a cat is kinda iconic

-I just realized that Naruto hasn’t said “believe it” in a while lmao

-Jiraiya did NOT just ask Naruto to pay him for training istg I can’t with him

-the scene where Naruto clearly wants Jiraiya to stick around and help him but masks his disappointment at Jiraiya leaving was actually really sad, I feel really bad for him

Ep 88:

-I like that we’re actually being walked through the steps of Naruto learning the rasengan (and I liked how Jiraiya explained the whole concentration thing). It’s also good to see him struggle with it

-I love how Tsunade is like “I’m actually winning at gambling? Something must be wrong”

-so does the “every squad needs to have a medic” rule apply to the genin squads? Because if so I’d be curious to know who the medic of each squad is/will be

-damn Orochimaru is really going through it

-it’s interesting that Naruto’s flashback shows him being friends with Shikamaru, Choji, and Kiba at the academy when that kinda goes against a lot of what we’ve seen. Is that not canon or something?

-Kiba told Iruka “I wasn’t made to sit still at a desk” and I was like “I know what you are (ADHD)”

-it’s cool that there’s an explanation for the leaf symbol on the headbands

-yes Naruto this is why you should always listen to Iruka, who is very cool and wise

-I’m really curious to see Tsunade fight (pls let her be badass omg I NEED a badass woman in this show)

Ep 89:

-again, I liked that we’re actually getting to see Naruto train and put in the work to learn the new jutsu

-I actually wasn’t expecting Shizune to be a ninja but I’m glad she is (yay for more female ninjas!)

-Kabuto is shit at negotiating lol. He keeps saying “we’re not here to fight, we want to negotiate” and then doesn’t actually say what he’s offering while Tsunade gets more and more annoyed

-Naruto talking to his frog wallet was adorable

-what even is Orochimaru’s beef with Konoha

Ep 90:

-I wonder if Tsunade’s fear of blood has some kind of reasoning/trauma behind it

-Naruto is so done with Jiraiya in this episode

-I love how Naruto’s response to Tsunade’s refusal to be Hokage was to try to throw hands with her

-okay Tsunade fighting Naruto with one finger was kinda iconic

[ssruis]

(In response to someone asking me where I thought the wxs story could be heading after this arc)

> I’d like to see tsukasa deal with doing everything he can for an audition, nailing it, and still not getting the part (bc sometimes you just fail, and dealing with that is something we all have to learn) but I don’t think that’s a writing choice clpl would make

> I think tsukasa & his willingness to do stupid/dangerous shit to succeed could be something that’s explored. He’s got rui “takes every safety measure possible for his directing and then some” kamishiro preventing him from injuring himself right now but if he’s gonna go at it alone in the future he needs to like… not do that. Lmao. But again idk that clpl would do that. Too shounen pilled. Also I think they think they addressed this in tsukasa5 (they did not. “Don’t do anything stupid tsukasa” “I’m gonna catch the thief MYSELF” etc)

> emu needs to have a business & management arc. She’s been learning this stuff since emu2 and I want to see her overcome some sort of problem thanks to this. Clpl stop having rui solve all the business problems. let emu take the reins. Maybe if emu6 is before rui5 it could be about emu finding a new company for wxs to perform with or a new avenue for them?

> I’ll be honest I can’t think of anything for nene as things are rn. She’s always been the one who’s been confronted by wxs’s inevitable separation first (mermaid admiration was, iirc, the first time any of them were told “yeah you won’t be able to stay together”. Someone on tumblr mentioned her being the canary in the coal mine which. So true.) but that alone is not enough for an event, let alone a story line.

> ahhh rui. The fog is coming for the purple bastard I can just sense it. His bloomfes card felt like giving a dog one really great last day before the Final Vet Visit. The arcland offer+Asahi loom like the sword of Damocles. He’s been too happy lately. If we get emu6 before rui5 that guy is fucked (doubtful, given how long he’s gone without a focus. imo it’s more likely rui5 will be the training era arc ender and the 6th wxs rotation will be something new. Please god end this arc).

> The director at the end of BLF was so sus and is definitely going to make a comeback, and I do not think it’ll be as a helpful hero. If Rin talking about the movie in BLF was foreshadowing that director is bad news. If CPDB was foreshadowing that could also be an avenue to explore (navigating an entertainment world that is increasingly hostile towards art)

> I think rui’s “I love my friends so so much and I don’t want to leave them but this is selfish/greedy of me” is something that could be addressed at some point, bc wxs feels the same way. this guy is just dense.

> my most likely prediction, imo, is that wxs will go back to arcland and the offer he got, didn’t tell his friends about, accepted, DIDNT TELL HIS FRIENDS ABOUT, and had the acceptance rejected by Asahi will be an issue. Not a major one, I think wxs will forgive him, but I can’t see a reality where arcland isn’t relevant in the future.

> overall major arcs? I have no fucking idea. Zero. Exciting! Wxs will def have to reckon with separation again, but we have 2 more years minimum with these characters, and I feel like it’s a bit early for that.

[kategraves]

You guys remember when I said I was rewatching Heartstopper and taking notes? Yeah well here's Season one. Makes no sense and no one asked for it, but it's better than the rant I want to go on about that fuckin film.

Episode 1

· Weird that they say “Truham boys” and not “Truham students.” Like fuck you sixth form girls. And even if sixth formers were in a different part of the school with different announcements, that’s almost worse. This is bumfuck England, youse know there’s a trans girl in this school. Truham sucks.

· Nick and Charlie sit at a QUAD table! Ha! Fours chairs! Facing each other. Imagine being whoever is sitting across from Nick and Charlie watching these two idiots fall in love. (This is an amazing idea for a fic, but I don’t have time…saving for later.)

· Tori and Michael really do get the most iconic first scenes. You can tell how much Alice loves them both.

· “I’d probably settle for someone tall.” Too real Charlie.

· The rugby lads: Charlie is well skinny! *enter Christian, Sai, Harry…*

· LMAO Ben "You’re lame for wearing a coat." Fellas, is it gay to dress for the season?

· The scene with Charlie trying to send a text is so relatable. Like, that feeling in your guts when you need to communicate something real. No thank you.

Episode 2

· Joe Locke deserves a BAFTA for Best Onscreen Texting.

· Mr. Ajayi is the best. I love him.

· Before we even get to know the Springs I was worried. “My parents don’t like animals.” The fuck?

· I’m sorry but no teenage boy owns a pair of pure white Converse. I don’t care how gay he is.

· The parallels between Nick and Charlie and Tori and Michael in Solitaire with the whole hair touching scene. 🥹❤️😭

· Nick Nelson is Christopher Robin. Out here living in the Hundred Acre Wood and shit.

· Oscar winner Olivia Colman everyone. Using an ipad. Take it in.

· Imogen did save you there Nick. That ‘Sooooooo’ was very suggestive.

· I love how Isaac is such a slut for hugs.

· The drum scene is so cringe I love it. Nick is gay panicking so hard.

· Oh my god that hug. Charlie looks like a fucking street urchin and Nick’s like “I want it.”

Episode 3

· Charlie: I thiiiiiiiink he might be into, but I’m still not sure.

Nick: *begs Charlie to go to a party “WITH HIM”* *stares at him like the most lovesick puppy ever*

Charlie: Hm, yeah, jury’s still out.

· I love Harry Greene. I can’t help it. I was a Draco apologist back in the day too. I just love a pathetic yet charismatic villain.

· Damn, Tara looks so pretty here.

· God, Tao needs therapy more than any of them. I feel like they could’ve explored this a bit more. It definitely would’ve endeared me to him.

· Wait, why is Ben wearing Michael Holden’s jacket? Isn’t that the same jacket?

· New Look had their annual sequined clothing sale I see.

· Imogen, I’m so sorry. I dislike you so much, but I also feel so bad for you.

· Nick: It’s kind noisy in here. 😏 Game recognise game.

· Why do Charlie’s hands look so filthy in the hotel kiss scene? Looks like he’s been digging in the dirt.

· Argh it’s so cute and pure I’m gonnae spewwwww.

· Julio is really sweet when Charlie is crying. I think in my mind Julio is really reserved about his emotions but he really is protective of his children (at least of Charlie), but maybe he just doesn’t know how to express it.

· Nicholas you live ten minutes away and you play rugby. Why are you so out of breath?

Episode 4

· I always thought Jane was so nasty when she tells Charlie he should have changed out of his pyjamas like that in front of Nick (which she was) but then it just hit me that they are about to go see her mother, who she hates, who talked to her that way her whole life. So maybe she’s going through it a bit here?? Just an observation.

· Having emotionally closed off parents has made Charlie such a people pleaser. Like I know the intentions are different, but you literally just broke up with someone because they wanted to keep it a secret. Obvs it’s not the same, but it definitely affects him in a similar way.

· Nick: I want to keep it on the DL. Charlie: Sure, let’s just kiss in the middle of the street real quick.

· I don’t think that umbrella’s doing anything mate.

· I love how Charlie Spring is missing a tooth. It’s like if Heartstopper was set in Glasgow.

· Mr. Ajayi! (That’s it, that’s the note.)

· I do appreciate when the rugby boys are taking the piss out of Charlie because he’s shit at rugby and not because he’s gay.

· Cue hilarious sport montage.

· Okay, missed Solitaire Easter egg: the two older girls talking about Tara and Darcy kissing could’ve looked like Rita and Lauren. “Yeah, well, some girls who are friends just do that.” Missed opportunity!

· I do love the “I’m an ally” line, but it’s from Rhea, not Imogen.

· “Unless they are.” Yes Isaac, stir that pot.

· Tao is such a mess, I’d actually love to see a deeper dive into his fucked up mind.

· Darcy’s gaydar is impeccable.

· British people love to yell a full sentence at sport.

· Sorry. I love Harry. I love him.

· Love how Charlie tried to tackle a literal 30 year old man.

· Imogen is quite brave for asking Nick out in front of everyone. I could never. The idea of it makes me sick to my stomach.

Episode 5

· I love how Isaac loves love for other people. You never see that shit on AVEN.

· Maybe in season 4 Nick will cry on Imogen’s shoulder about Nellie dying. Pickledsprite would love that. (This didn’t age well…RIP season 4 (and Nellie probably)).

· Now they’re holding each other’s fingers at their desks. Still imagining being a student sitting across from this.

· OMG I just realised in the bowling alley scene Isaac is wearing the iconic Daya Betty confessional H&M shirt that I tried to get my husband to wear (he refused). Such a good shirt. (Niche reference, soz.)

· Everyone watching Charlie squeeze Nick’s arm: Wow, such good friends! (Except Isaac, he knows.)

· I like that Tao is protective over Charlie here. It’s a good carry through to his guilt later when Charlie is hurting himself. Like Tao wants to protect him but can only see the external bullies and then he feels really guilty. Ouchie.

· Okay Nick and Charlie have officially hit married couple status at that claw machine.

· Nick is so pure.

· Ok, so I paused it at the claw machine scene to get a bevvy and I don’t normally look at Nick and Charlie like this (because they look like children) but Nick’s bum is popping. Them jeans are putting in the hours.

· “I want to kiss you so bad but we can’t because we’re in public” *Proceeds to fully make out*

· I like this interaction between Nick and Imogen. I wish there was more of this.

· The way Harry embraces Nick. Sorry but…mate.

Episode 6

· OMG can you imagine if Nick was like “Hey Mum you want to watch Brokeback Mountain?” I would pisssss.

· Even fake youtubers are fucking intolerable.

· So cool and brave of you for coming out says the girl with the GAYEST HAIRCUT EVER.

· Even in the most poignant moments, Nick is steady promoting skater boi fashion.

· Worst looking milkshakes ever.

· Bubblegum is a crime. Sorry Nick.

· OMG is this what dating is like now? I’d never survive.

· Tao is Spinelli coded. Niche reference.

· The word sexuality always make me cringe. I don’t even like the words asexual or demisexual because of that. It’s cringey cringe yuck.

· I think I dislike Darcy because I was so annoying in college. And before honestly. But I see so much of myself in her and I hate it.

· Wait. Charlie tells Tori she can’t come in to his room. She’s set up with a bevvy and her laptop. Meaning they hang out and do parallel play together. I am screaming this is so cute!!! No, I definitely HC them as the most bestie best sibling friends ever but to realise this is huge for me. I love them.

· The bubble butt on Nick Nelson. I’m sorry you can’t tell me boy isn’t a bottom.

· That shot of Darcy laying in her own filth is so aesthetic is deserves some sort of award.

Episode 7

· Harry: “Why can’t any of you bring a girl?” Why can’t you bring a girl Harry? Shit.

· A mix of sweet and salty popcorn? I know you’re bi Nick but that is deranged.

· More pinky holding. Now who’s the gay nerd Nicholas?

· Do people still say “getting with”? Ew.

· Ben is so funny saying Charlie is desperate. You are LITERALLY STALKING HIM.

· HIT HIM WITH YOUR CAR JULIO.

· So distracted by the lack of synching between Harry speaking during the fight scene and the footage they used. Was he screwing up his lines that bad or was the editor high or something?

· HOME-o’phobic. I know I’m Scottish so I can’t be out here slagging off accents but…lol.

· Every time Olivia Colman is on screen is so weird. Like the rest of the cast is basically nobodies and here’s Nick’s mum, the Queen of England.

· God Tao is so savage. He gets the best lines.

· Seatmates confirmed! Notebook on desk opposite Charlie. IMAGINE IT!!!!

· Good facial acting Will Gao.

· Haha Tao’s mum has been shipping Tao and Elle from the beginning.

· I love how Tao still had his appy juice during the fight. Also, lowkey genius because you know Harry was so sticky the rest of the day.

· Tao: I guess Charlie didn’t tell me because he was afraid I was going to out Nick like I outed him. *five minutes later* WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ABOUT YOU AND NICK GAY DATING!!! he screams in front of the entire school. Little bitch.

Episode 8

· Charlie breaks my heart here. It’s so low key, this underlying hint at suicidal thoughts. I can’t actually believe they let them get away with it, seeing how much of Alice’s original content has been…lightened up over the years. Also, you can really see the connection between Tori and Charlie here. I love them so much.

· Tori “acts of service” Spring. I see you.

· Truham/Higgs sports day but with Solitaire characters. Gimmeee.

· I love the way Mrs. Singh is like “do I need to TALK to anyone?” Heavily implying she gonna kick some arse.

· God Tao you are being such a cunt. What a little weasel.

· Ah yes, Episode 8, when we get introduced to two new characters: Nick’s boobs.

· Kick him in the dick, Charlie.

· Ben laying there like ‘draw me like one of your French girls.’

· Damn Elle’s art really improved since last year, that looks crap girl.

· The amount of eye contact between Elle and Tao is UNcomfy.

· No girls’ team sport? Come on let’s watch Becky and Rita play netball.

· The rugby scene is so corny and the fact that no one knew until PARIS irritates me to no end.

· I love how they used a shitty English pebble beach. That’s right, show how awful your beaches are.

· ‘I love liking you’ is so gay. Nick’s not bi, he’s gay for men and lesbian for women. Double gay.

· Does Nick’s mum have the same jumper as Charlie?

· I love the pan out on the beach but I could’ve done without the little relationship montage. It’s only been 8 episodes, we all remember what happened.

The End!