| Rosekiller microfic (songfic? idk) | Word count: 641 |
A/N: For better reading experience, I recommend listening to “Brividi” by Mahmood and Blanco, considering that this was based off the chorus of that song
Barty laid next to Evan, goosebumps raised on his skin, head turned so he could better examine the other’s boy’s features.
Evan was sound asleep in Barty’s bed. His lips were parted slightly, and his head rested on the spare pillow that had found its way there sometime after the thousandth occurrence of this happening.
Evan’s eyelashes were long and fluttered slightly as he breathed in and out, naked chest rising and falling evenly as he slept. Something about the way he looked when he was sleeping, soft and unguarded and so painfully lovely, reminded Barty of what he had realized not even three days before.
Barty was in love.
He was in love with someone who understood him, who enjoyed his company, who was beautiful inside and out.
And he wished he could tell Evan, but every time he tried, something in him stopped the words before they ever made it past his lips.
Evan was amazing. He the best thing to ever happen to Barty, and sometimes Barty thought that if he were given the chance, he could love Evan more than any human had ever dared to love another.
But Barty knew that he messed up, over and over and over again, and that he would only hurt Evan if they tried for anything more. The strength of his love threatened to be all-consuming, to chew them both up and spit them back out again. He just didn’t know how to love someone without hurting them.
Barty would sacrifice the world for Evan—he’d known that for a long time. But he had never been certain that he wouldn’t accidentally set the world on fire before handing it to Evan, burning him in the process.
And Barty didn’t want to burn Evan. He didn’t want anyone to hurt Evan, much less for him to be the one to do it.
But as he lay there, he had the sneaking suspicion that he already had.
When he had first kissed Evan, he hadn’t done it because he loved him, he had done it simply because he wanted someone to kiss. And Evan had kissed him back without any hesitation, eager and hungry as they fell into bed together. Barty had thought they wanted the same thing—someone to get off with, something easy and uncomplicated.
But afterwards, when Barty had said as much, he had seen something shatter in Evan’s eyes. Evan had mumbled a quick, “Right”, then made up some excuse to leave.
Barty had blinked, and Evan was picking up his clothes from beside the bed. He had blinked again, and Evan was gone.
But it had happened again. And then again. And it had kept on happening, until Evan wasn’t leaving immediately afterwards, and Barty had realized that he didn’t want Evan to leave at all.
That’s where it had gotten so incredibly complicated, full of messy emotions and misunderstandings. Full of cracked hearts and longing glances, words thought but never spoken.
Sometimes, Barty thought that if he were offered a magic ticket that could take him far away from all of it, take him away from the perilous cliff edge he was dangling off of, he didn’t think that he could refuse. Even if it cost more than money, Barty thought he would be willing to pay the price.
Because the price of the ticket for the other route, the one toward Evan instead of away, was something vital in Evan that Barty knew neither of them could afford.
Barty messed up, and he messed up bad. And he might dream of that destination, the one marked simply “Evan”, but he couldn’t let himself board that train. Evan’s loveliness wasn’t worth it.
So he merely laid there, silently staring at the boy he loved, and tried not to shiver as the goosebumps spread further across his skin.
76 notes
·
View notes
my parents have been driving me crazy all day (literally the one thing my mom planned for this entire trip was…not fun and i still had to take care of everything) and they were so fussy about any place i suggested for dinner when we got back. so after looking for 45 minutes i found some place that they agreed upon and it’s fine…it’s an ivy restaurant which like whenever. but this 45 minutes was a portion of the time i had originally planned to go shopping (which is something my mom hates) at liberty on my own, but then i couldn’t go since we had to be at dinner for 6:15
so whatever. we’re getting ready to go to dinner and they went down to the lounge to have a drink beforehand. and i texted them saying i have a stomach ache and they can head to the restaurant without me and i’ll meet them there. but ofc my mom texts me back saying they’ve decided they’re not going to the restaurant and are just staying in the lounge for dinner instead. so all that work…for nothing…
17 notes
·
View notes
We all agree that Jinako is universally beloved right? I mean look at her, even Goetia would reconsider burning humanity if he saw Jinako being a good
unfortunately jinako haters are real and out there
They seem to hate her primarily because she’s an incredibly significant person in karna’s life as a servant who has the audacity to be ‘conventionally unattractive’ (a bit fat) and kind of annoying- at least a few of these people are quite fixated on karna and consider her a sort of ‘dead weight’ that hinders either him personally or their enjoyment of his character
Which is incredibly ironic because jinako is specifically and explicitly the master who’s had the greatest positive impact on karna as a servant in part because of her own ‘flaws.’ The fact that she was a poor suit for him in terms of will to fight and magical output meant that he was forced to, for once, cool his heels and actually reflect on the events and people around him instead of focusing solely on fighting like in apocrypha or even fgo to some extent. He was forced to also reflect on his own tendencies by sitting and waiting and gained a level of peace with himself he was able to carry into later installments. It was a period of time he clearly felt fondly about with all the times he’s referenced it and to act like she did him a disservice by not let him explosionize things is just wrong- while that may be what he likes to do, he was able to recognize that it isn’t always what he needs and while it was unintentional on her part he deeply appreciates how she helped him realize it.
The simple fact is that their story arc in ccc culminated in him telling her that even if she never changed from the ‘cowardly nobody’ she felt she was, he was sure someone would still be out there waiting to meet her- a message he delivered with as much clarity and compassion as he could muster. It’s the exact antithesis of the people who resent her for those traits lmao. To ignore all that and treat her as a metaphorical shackle around his neck rather than someone who was actively responsible for making him able to relax more as a servant and enjoy himself is actively incorrect even if you resent the fact she’s a woman with an important relationship (whether romantic or platonic is irrelevant tbh) to your favorite anime boy
As for the people who primarily hate her bc she’s fat….uh…get better taste? 🤷
145 notes
·
View notes