#I write for you

[i-write-things]

Obey Me! D&D joke

Mc: You enter the dungeon, and on the far side of the room you see....a door.

Asmo: Can I...seduce the door?

Mc: No, you cannot.

Mammon: Can I seduce the door?

Mc: Also no.

Levi: I punch Mammon.

Mc: Mammon, you take four damage.

Mammon: Well, I transform into a beaver!

Mc: You....do that.

Mammon: Now can I seduce the door?

Mc: Still! No!

Levi: I punch Mammon again.

Mc: ...three more damage.

Satan: Can I fight the door?

Mc: No!

Belphie: Uh, I also would like to fight the door.

Mc: Nobody can fight the door!

Satan: I! FIGHT! THE! DOOR!

Mc: You lose!

Satan: ...I fight you...

Mc: Satan, take a walk.

Lucifer: Is the door dead or alive?

Mc: Its...a door?

Lucifer: Can I...enslave it's soul?

Mc: How would you even-? No.

Diavolo: Can I build a better door?

Mc: You want to build a better door?

Diavolo: I aquire lumber from the surrounding forest.

Mc: Okay, you...do that.

Beel: Is... the door locked?

Mc: No, it isn't.

Beel: I open the door.

Mc: You do so. Inside is one small treasure chest!

Asmo: I seduce the treasure chest.

Mc: No!!!

[the-millennium-curse]

The Millennium Curse, a complete rewrite of the story of JJK after Shibuya! Kasumi has reached her first destination, and formed an unlikely friendship with Kugisaki... but while she finds success, Noritoshi remains locked in place, barred from leaving Kyoto until he can find and exorcize five grade 1 curses. In the wake of Okkotsu’s return, the strongest curses all seem to have gone extinct. But Noritoshi keeps catching trails, and it’s beginning to seem less like they’re gone, and more like something else is getting to them first...

Chapters: 13/? Fandom: 呪術廻戦 | Jujutsu Kaisen (Manga), 呪術廻戦 | Jujutsu Kaisen (Anime) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Nishimiya Momo/Zenin Mai, Miwa Kasumi & Zenin Mai, Miwa Kasumi & Nishimiya Momo, Miwa Kasumi & Nishimiya Momo & Zenin Mai, Iori Utahime & Kamo Noritoshi & Miwa Kasumi & Muta Kokichi & Nishimiya Momo & Toudou Aoi & Zenin Mai, Kenjaku | Fake Getou Suguru & Tengen, Nishimiya Momo & Iori Utahime, Kugisaki Nobara & Miwa Kasumi Characters: Miwa Kasumi, Nishimiya Momo, Zenin Mai, Kamo Noritoshi, Jujutsu Tech Kyoto (Jujutsu Kaisen), Kenjaku | Fake Getou Suguru, Tengen (Jujutsu Kaisen), Kusakabe Atsuya, Iori Utahime, Nitta Akari, Kugisaki Nobara, Mahito (Jujutsu Kaisen), Nanami Kento, Zenin Maki, Nitta Arata, Minor Characters Additional Tags: Canon Rewrite, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Shounen, Jujutsu Kaisen Manga Spoilers, Alternate Canon, Work In Progress, Near Death Experiences, Major Character Injury, Canonical Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Misogyny, POV Female Character, Non-Canon Relationship, Platonic Relationships, Post-Shibuya Incident Arc (Jujutsu Kaisen), Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, Grief/Mourning, Bisexual Kugisaki Nobara, Everyone is trying to make it through the aftermath of Shibuya, consider any tagged sexuality to just be my interpretation, read into their attraction however you like cause god knows we don't get enough rep as it is, Zenin Mai is Bad at Feelings, Queerplatonic Relationships, Heian Period, Golden Age of Jujutsu (Jujutsu Kaisen), Flashbacks, Fix-It, Queer Themes, Fluff and Angst, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Complicated Relationships, Unhealthy Relationships, Blood and Injury

[lesbinewren]

we need to make using chatgpt embarrassing bc sorry it really is. what do you mean you can’t write an email

[roboticnebula]

Pros of re-reading your own fic

a good time;

Has exactly the tropes you like and the characterization you want to read;

Gratification: yes you did finish a thing and yes you did do good;

just a very fun time all around.

Cons of re-reading your own fic:

Is that another TYpO

[inkskinned]

please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!

do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!

[fipindustries]

>be me, massive egg

>kind of a 6/10, mid looking, glasses, nerdy clothes, scruffy beard, baggy eyes

>have a type that i have to hots for

>gothy wth bangs, slightly chubby

>egg cracks, transition, dye my hair, change my fashion style, gain weight do to eating healthier

>mfw i became my type

>always was a little bi but now with hormones i start developing more of an attraction for men

>find out i like nerdy, scruffy guys with glasses and baggy eyes

>mfw past me is now my type

>wtf

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[arosnowflake]

My biggest tip for fanfic writers is this: if you get a character's mannerisms and speech pattern down, you can make them do pretty much whatever you want and it'll feel in character.

Logic: Characters, just like real people, are mallable. There is typically very little that's so truly, heinously out of character that you absolutely cannot make it work under any circumstance. In addition, most fans are also willing to accept characterization stretches if it makes the fic work. Yeah, we all know the villain and the hero wouldn't cuddle for warmth in canon. But if they did do that, how would they do it?

What counts is often not so much 'would the character do this?' and more 'if the character did do this, how would they do it?' If you get 'how' part right, your readers will probably be willing to buy the rest, because it will still feel like their favourite character. But if it doesn't feel like the character anymore, why are they even reading the fic?

Worry less about whether a character would do something, and more about how they'd sound while doing it.

[sidhewrites]

Being kink positive makes it really hard to be a hater of media rip. I used to love watching “the WORST book I’ve read this year” booktube videos but now its like I hear them ask, “Who is this werewolf smut even for?” Omegaverse fans, next question. “Why would you write this?” Because they find it sexy, can we stop focusing on the ewie yucky kink part and focus on the fact that the author used the word knot five times in a single scene? It’s bad werewolf erotica, but it’s not bad because it’s werewolf erotica like come on

[within-the-last-minute]

stay safe because i like being alive at the same time as you.

[i-write-things]

I'm just imagining how Elliot would react when he hears the farmer passed out in the mines. I imagine he's maybe hunched over a writing desk, candle by his side as he revels in the cozy writing atmosphere he created. Then suddenly, he gets word that his dear farmer passed out in the mines all battered up and bruised. I can see just a shocked writer face as he drops his writing utensil. After three seconds of utter shock and no one moving, he rushes out the door, faster than his legs have ran for probably ever. When he arrives at the hospital, he's all over Harvey, asking if you're ok, when you'll be out, if there's anything he can do, ect. The man sits in the waiting room anxiously waiting, his knee bouncing and his clenched fist hiding his nervous mouth chewing away at his bottom lip. Finally, when he sees you come out of the room, he rushes to you and starts questioning you. Are you ok? How much do you hurt? How sore are you? Why were you out in the mines like that if you could get this hurt? While he questions you, he gently examines your arm and face as if he was the doctor and not Harvey. After you reassure him three times that you're fine, the fear and worry fade. Then he gets a little upset, asking why you were being so reckless and things of that nature. Oh, you are getting the lecture the entire time he escorts you back to the farm. He also forces you to rest in bed. Oh, no no no. You're not moving from that spot. It doesn't matter what you're doing, you're staying there. You've done enough. He grabs you whatever you need, like food, water, ect. It isn't until your about to sleep that he tucks you in with a sigh, and apologizes for his behavior. He didn't mean to react so harshly, but you mean so much to him, he hopes you understand. But you're still not off the hook. He clings to you side for the next two days. Married? Good, he watches you from the house, and if you show any signs of soreness, he takes over and tells you to head inside while he tends the farm. Only dating? He'll visit you as often as possible, at least ten times daily. Oh, and there's no way in hell he's letting you go back in the mines until he is certain you'll be ok. After maybe two weeks at least will he begrudgingly let you go after he stocks you up on Energy Tonics and snacks. And don't you dare hesitate to leave the mines if you feel weak or tired. Because he'll start the process all over again. Please, please try to take care of yourself. The poor author doesn't need that kind of stress, his hair will fall out, and he loves his hair.

[inbabylontheywept]

i did wrestling in middle school. on one hand, i was actually quite good at it, which was nice. being good at any sport was a new achievement for me. on the other hand, i was bi, and i was trying very hard not to notice that i was bi, and getting folded into knots by very kind, very muscular dorks made that task somewhat difficult.

adding fire to the problem was that my parents and my grandparents wanted to watch my matches, because they were very proud that their Gangly Nerd Son was actually Sporting, and they wanted to cheer me on. which would've been sweet and all, but if there are four people you do not want there during a key part of your Burgeoning Sexual Awakening, it is your mom and your dad and your grandma and your grandpa.

right? i mean, imagine some guy's got your head in his armpit, and you're going you know, old sweat smells bad, but fresh sweat has a sort of and then you make eye contact with your grandpa in the stands and you remember you're swearing spandex so if you pop a boner people aren't just going to be able to see the outline, they're going to be able to count the veins, and the only way you will be able to restore your family's honor after that would be by moving to siberia and renouncing joy, forever. that, or lift your entire body up by your kneck then twist 180 degrees without paralyzing yourself.

it’s a lot of pressure, is what i’m saying.

still it did motivate me to win my matches really fast. because i was so tall and skinny, i was stupidly good at the double leg takedown, and then once someone was knocked down, i'd just do the half nelson and kind of flip em over for the pin. then the ref would count to three and i’d win. EZPZ.

i had one match where that went great. won in the first ten seconds, sat back down, and prepared myself for a good hour or two of doing fuck all. didn't even feel bad the parents/grandparents were gonna be bored. the matches went up from me in 5 pound increments (i was in the 115 lbs division) and it was going great until we got to the 145 lbs division. the other school's wrestler stepped onto the mat, and she turned out to be a girl so our guy flipped, because for straight guys, wrestling a girl is not a pleasant experience.

i'm not entirely unsympathetic. my experience wrestling dudes was definitely a little traumatic. but also, i dealt. guy could've dealt too. instead, he refused to wrestle, and the coach went - fine. not even worth fighting over.

so he went to the 140 pounder, and that guy said, nosir, my mom said mormons can't wrestle girls. next guy down, 135 pounder, now he knew he could pull the same card and thus did. 130 pounder, 125, both tapped out. he got to the 120 guy, and that guy was catholic, but he said he was considering being mormon, and thus would have to pass. as a precaution.

coach blew up a little at that. he said "is there anyone - anyone - on this entire goddamn team that is willing to wrestle a girl?" and then he pointed at me and said "YOU. MAT. GO."

and i'll be real, if i'd been paying more attention, i'd have pulled the mormon card too, but i'd just been putting all that audio into a buffer file because i was reading, so i was halfway across the mat before i even processed what had been said and by then it was too late to turn back.

still i had a plan. and my plan - my beautiful, perfect plan - was to do what i'd always done. tackle, flip, pin, win. sit down. read. bore my family to death. move on.

i got the first part right. she was bigger than me, but she wasn't taller. just an incredibly stout woman. god built me like a snake with glasses, just as he built her like a combat cube. the problem was the half nelson. soon as she was down, i tried hooking my arm under hers from behind and for both genders, the defense for this move is just clamping your arms really fucking tight against your sides. if you're a guy, that's whatever, but if you're a girl - especially if you're god's chosen combat cube - that pins your opponents hand right against your boob.

so, i got the hook in, she clamped, my whole arm pressed against something soft, my coach was yelling THE HALF NELSON. BABYLON! JUST FINISH IT! FINISH THE HALF NELSON! and i was just trying to press hard enough to finish, when then my brain went

...oh.

and i flipped out. of course i flipped out. i like girls, and touching a boob is an elemental experience, and i was not ready. i was not prepared. i had not committed the sacred rites. i recoiled like i'd just brushed my arm against the surface of the sun, stood up, and backed away. nobody in the room knew why i'd given up. all they saw was me, right about to win, suddenly flailing around and scrambling. so everyone started screaming at me to just get the half nelson again, and i couldn't really yell back there's a fuckin' boob in the way and it was very distressing, and the only way i could think of to make them stop was just doing it over again the right way.

so i did.

i hunkered down and prepared myself for Wrasslin' Attempt #2: The Sequel.

i knocked her down again, EZPZ. i went for the half nelson again, but she knew what i was about to do so she super clamped, and i knew she was gonna super clamp, so i wound my arm back like a pop-eye cartoon punch before swinging my arm through the gap between her bicep and her side, but the amount of time i spent winding back super signalled what i was about to to do, which gave her time to clamp even harder, which somehow redirected the entire force of the popeye punch to the bottom of her bra.

it spat out a single boob the same way an action hero might spit out one single tooth after getting a solid crack across the jaw. as if to say:

*ptooie.* "that all you got?"

i did not actually see this. my experience was that first there was an arm, then there was a bit of boob, but i was braced, i was ready, forward at all costs, tatakae motherfuckers, and then the boob went away, and i didn't know where it went but my team, and the audience, and everyone who was in front of me, they all gasped like i just kicked them in the stomach. except for my coach. he was behind me, and thus one of the four people in the room who did not see the boob. now my mom, my dad, my grandma, and my grandpa, they all got flashed but nooooooo, coach thunderbutt was behind me, and he didn't see shit so he was still yelling NOOOOOO BABYLON WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST FINISH THE NELSON! GO FOR THE KILL! BABYLON! BABYLON!

but i did not go for the kill. i stood up and she stuffed her boob back real fast, and we just kind of circled each other awkwardly until time ran out and i won on points. that's not technically allowed, but the ref had some mercy on me.

my coach did not.

i barely had time to sit down before he strode over to the bench to chew me out.

"babylon," he said, in that very calm way people get when they're too pissed to yell. "why didn't you pin?"

and i didn't know how to say well coach, i tried, but there was a boob, and it kept getting in the way, and my mom was watching, and so was my dad, and so was his dad, and his mom, and god (like bible god) and that's a can of worms because i'm pretty sure he was already mad at me, and i'm wearing spandex, and i think i might have to move to siberia, so instead i said

"i uh. i forgot how to do the half nelson."

which is actually impossible. forgetting how to do the half nelson is like forgetting how to swallow your spit.

and he looked at me, like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked through him like i'd just survived my 250th day in a trench at verdun, and he said: fine.

fine.

but we're all going to practice it for an hour tomorrow because you forgot.

and then he left.

and my buddies had the gall to be salty about it. i got so many comments saying "dude, why didn't you just tell him the truth?" and i said "you can if you care so damn much. you could've wrestled the girl too. maybe someone else should do the hard thing today."

but they didn't. so the next day, we did an hour of half nelson drills, and i spent a decent amount of time getting thrown around the mat, and it was pleasant in exactly the way that i hated and the year after that, to the surprise of everyone but myself, i quit wrestling and joined the trivia team.

and if you want more reasons to love my mom, my grandpa joked after the match that i might have to talk to my bishop about it, and my mom told him he would be allowed to make jokes after he stood in front of a crowd of 110 people in spandex underpants while wrestling a woman that was not his wife.

he paused for almost five seconds after that. then he said: aw. hell. sorry babylon.

and i'd have preferred my apology from god, but getting it from him was pretty good too.

[noperopesaredope]

I wish we had more female characters like Eleanor Shellstrop. One of the most unlikable people you've ever met. Read a Buzzfeed article on most rude things you can do on a daily basis and decided to use that as a list of goals. Makes everyone's day worse just by being there. Dropped a margarita mix on the ground and tried to pick it up, only to get hit by a row of shopping carts which pushed her into the road where she was hit by a boner pill delivery truck, killing her instantly. Cannot keep a romantic partner despite being bisexual. Had a terrible childhood but will die before she gets therapy. Best employee at a scam company. Just the worst but also can't help but root for her to improve.

Absolute loser. Girl-failure. Bad at almost everything. Literally perfect female character.

[beepboopappreciation]

Is this anything

[artsymeeshee]

The magic 8-ball

[writing-is-a-martial-art]

Guy who has wandered through the halls and corridors of your body not with any special kind of love but with the untold intimacy of a contractor assessing the damages and potentials voice: right, so the main issue here is that the body is currently a temple, okay, and what we want is for it to be a home, cause temples are pretty and all and occasionally nice to be in if you're into that sort of thing but very few people would actually want to live in one. So what we're gonna do first is you're gonna take a look at what's here, the carrying walls and windows and all that, and you're going to come up with something you'd actually like to be alive inside of, and it's going to be a lot of work and it's going to feel strange and stupid and embarrassing but you're still gonna do it, because otherwise this construction site is fucked. And maybe what you want to live in is a skatepark or an anime-themed cat cafe or an esoteric library that has a dildo section for some reason, so it might feel like it's a downgrade from a temple, but it's actually the opposite cause the main customer for a body is you and the main customer for a temple are templegoers and maybe higher powers of some kind, - i wouldn't know about those, they never hired me, - not the temple itself, which is what you are, right, cause the body/mind/soul separation doesn't actually do anything, so what you're gonna do is look at the current layout and dig out whatever hope and ability to want you have and come up with a blueprint, and then my boys can actually get to work. Oh, and you have got to change the windows, it's drafty as fuck in here.