#I would've been upset by this when I was a teenager

[icedteaandoldlace]

I tried out some of those eye color changer filters last night. The blue eye filter make me look like a freaky Dollar Tree Killer Frost. The brown eye filter looked so normal I was waiting for it to load before I realized it already had. My eyes are blue.

[confessedlyfannish]

DP x DC Writing Prompt #9

"Are you sure about this?" J'onn asks, reading the discontent amongst the Kents. Clark and Lois each have a hand on their teenage son's shoulders, who several weeks prior was aged ten years old.

"We're sure," Clark says. He is not, nor is his wife. But his son is, who lays his hand on his mother's and squeezes. It is that surety that J'onn honors as he delves into the young (but not as young as he should be) man's mind.

The memories are hard to find but not gone, hidden behind what Jon can only see manifested as a glowing green wall. When he raises a tentative hand, the shield sparks green, but does no harm. Pushing through is like wading through the consistency of jello, which he finds an overall unpleasant experience. But he is unharmed as he passes through.

Before J'onn can sort through the memories he is all but sucked into the one at the forefront, where a Jon most similar in visage to the one recently returned perches on the edge of a building. Beside him lies a burger, partially unwrapped though uneaten, and a small soda.

As the memory builds out a sun sets on a small suburban town, and a muscled thigh knocks into Jon's, an older man with a shock of white hair and eyes the same light and color as the shield formed around these memories appearing. He's tall even sitting, likely about as tall as Superman, and looks to be in his thirties. A full body suit comprised of black and silver accents stretches across broad shoulders, a stylized D on his chest. He knocks his thigh into Jon's again.

"You said I couldn't go back," Jon says quietly.

"I lied," the man says lightly.

"You're lying now," Jon says, glaring at him. "I can hear your heart."

"Nice try, kiddo, I don't have a heart in this form," the man says, reaching a hand out, presumably to ruffle his hair. Jon dodges.

"I know you're lying. You would've told me. You would've helped me get home."

"Jon--"

"You're protecting Clockwork, aren't you?" Jon demands, eyes beginning to burn red. "That old coot decided it wasn't enough to play with you, he had to play with me too."

The man slaps a hand over Jon's eyes. "Breathe, like we practiced," he instructs firmly. Steam rises from where his palm meets Jon's eyes, but if it hurts he shows no indication. "In, 2, 3. Out, 2, 3."

Jon whimpers but heaves a breath, and the burst of red light dies down from between the man's fingers. His hand moves down to Jon's shoulder.

"I can't pretend to understand Clockwork's decisions," the man says, as tears begin to pool in Jon's eyes. "Frankly, I don't want to. I suspect they are hard decisions to make, sometimes."

"I don't get why you defend him," Jon says. "Dumbledore acting bastard."

"Language," the man says, lightly bopping him on the head. J'onn notes the boy actually winces, as if the blow hurts.

"I am upset with him, I hope you know that," the man continues. "But at the end of the day I'm also grateful. Because I got to meet you." He hooks an arm around Jon's shoulders, pulling him in. "And now you'll get to see your family again. And Sally, Arnold, and Damian!"

Jon sniffles, rubbing roughly at his face. He leans into the man's bicep. A trusted adult figure, then. One he's described his life to. A life, J'onn is sad to note, he appears to have lived for the past six years, as opposed to a sudden shift in appearance. Jon's next question all but confirm it: "Can I really go back? It's been so long. They'll be all grown up."

"Hey, of course you can," the man says, rubbing his shoulder. "I'm sure they've missed you so much. They'll be so happy to see you again."

Jon starts to smile. "I'm going home."

"You're going home!" The man laughs, shaking him.

"I can finally eat some decent barbecue again!"

"Hey!" the man protests, "The smoker blew up one time!"

Jon continues, beginning to get excited. "And Ma will make her jalapeño cornbread! I never could get it right, I can't wait for you to try it!"

J'onn notes the older man's smile fading, eyes growing sad.

"And Damian will definitely want to spar and oh, oh! With you on our side we can totally prank Batman! I bet Alfred will even help! And Mom gives the best hugs, Pops comes really close but Mom will be really excited to meet you, everyone will."

"Jon," The man says.

"I knew you'd be worried about it, but they'll want to meet you," Jon says, clocking his expression. "They'll be grateful. You, you helped me. You kept me safe and taught me how to be Superman. They'll love you, I promise."

"Jon, I can't go with you," the man says gently.

"I'm not saying you stay, but you can visit! I'm sure the Justice League can figure out a way to maintain a portal, they're super used to all that multiverse stuff. Once they have the coordinates, you can stop by whenever!"

"I can't go through the portal, Jon," the man says. "To other worlds, I'm a god. And gods can't interfere. The only reason I can continue to live here is because this is the world of my origin."

Jon gapes at him. "But--but,"

"You're going to see your Mom and Dad again," the man says. "And your brother, and grandparents."

"I can come here, then," Jon says desperately, pushing his way out of the man's arms. The man is already shaking his head. "I can!"

"You can't."

"Why, because Clockwork says so? He's a liar!"

"Because multiverse travel is never a good idea. If you got trapped here again--"

"I wouldn't,"

"You belong with your family,"

"You're my family!" Jon cries. The man freezes. "You, and Sam, and Jazz, and Tucker and Val and Ellie and Pops and Mads, you're all my family! I can't just leave you, I won't!"

"Oh kiddo," The man says, eyes wet. "I love you too. We all do."

"So I'll stay," Jon says decisively. "For all we know my world is a wasteland. Gramps wasn't exactly right in the head when I left. It's better to stay here."

J'onn notes a green vine unwinding from a nearby trellis. It slides down the eave towards the pair.

"You don't mean that," the man is saying.

"I'm sixteen. I can make my own decisions. I'm staying."

The man cups Jon's face. "Your parents did not have a choice in losing you. I'm willing to bet they're devastated. Because I'd be devastated, losing a kid as great as you."

"Maybe they're not even there," Jon says, but the words are half-hearted, and it clearly hurts him to say them.

"I know I seem like a pushover, but if I thought Clockwork was sending you back to anything less than your loving family, I'd destroy him first. And he knows that. They're going to be there, I promise."

"I don't want to go," Jon says. Behind him, the vine rises from the eave of its own will, poised like a cobra enchanted by a snark charmer.

"I know," the man says, eyes drifting to the vine. "I'm so sorry, Jon."

"For what?" Jon asks, as the vine attaches itself to the nape of his neck. His eyes roll back as he collapses into the man's arms. The man hugs him tighter than is strictly necessary.

J'onn expects the memory to now end, alongside Jon's consciousness. To his curiosity, it does not.

"For what it's worth," a young woman spits bitterly, vines supporting her weight as she slips over the side of the roof. "I still think this is horrible." Her eyes are red and miserable.

"Seriously, team punching Dumbledore in the face," A young black man says, appearing in the air supported by a woman almost identical in appearance to the man holding Jon, down to the suit colors. They land on the rooftop.

"Are you sure about this," the dark haired woman with powers over plants asks. "Because to be honest, Danny, I'm five seconds away from punching you in the face."

"Jazz won't speak to you for months," the girl, likely his sister, points out.

"Make it a year," the man says, crossing his arms.

The man, Danny, ignores them all. He cards a hand through Jon's hair. "He'll retain the experience, but not the memories?"

"Yes, he'll be a perfect little superhero, just as you taught him," the woman says, vines twisting agitatedly around her, wrapping around her thigh, wrists and neck almost punishingly.

"Sam," the man says. "He needs to go home. All of you know that."

"He doesn't have to forget us to do so!" the sister bursts, eyes flashing green.

"Remembering would be a torment," Danny says. "He'll know he was loved. That's enough."

"Danny," the plant woman says, sitting beside them both. She puts a gentle hand on his, both on Jon's back. "This is just a different torment."

"And if someone finds out?" Danny asks. He has been patient amidst their scorn, but now a tiny edge ekes into his voice. "A god's child, unprotected? Threatened? He would never stop looking for a way back, and being vocal about it could get him killed."

The others are silent.

"He'll be home. He'll be happy," Danny says. More powerful than a prayer. A directive. He raises his head past the child slumbering in his lap, past them all, face hardening, and says to J'onn: "And you will say nothing."

J'onn takes a step back, fear so thick he could choke on it flooding his very being. Thismanwillkillhim, thismanwillkillhim.

This man will reach through dimensions and kill him.

"Now, get the fuck out of my kid's head," Danny snarls. J'onn is pushed back with enough force he enters his own mind in a vicious whirl that leaves him physically on the floor, gasping.

"I'm sorry," he says as Superman rushes to lift him, and he's not sure who he's apologizing to. Green eyes will pierce his dreams. Vines will crush his throat in his nightmares, screaming silence, silence.

You will say nothing.

"I'm sorry," J'onn says, politely pushing Clark's hands away as he rises. He's already beginning to calm, because he understands. Those are consequences he will not face. He will do as directed. He looks at Jon Kent, bewildered but unharmed, clutching his mother's hand.

J'onn reaches down and dusts at his pants. "I'm sorry," he says evenly, ready to spin his tale. Perhaps the Kents will continue to seek their answers. Perhaps not. He will stay out of it either way. He has been warned.

You were loved by gods. And to keep you safe, they would quiet us all.

Part Two

[calisources]

𝐀𝐆𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐒, 𝐀𝐆𝐄 𝐆𝐀𝐏𝐒 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒.

All sentences were taken from difference media about age gap and age difference relationships, all acceptable relationships within consenting adults with age differences. Please do not use for teenagers or taboo relationships. These have some foul language or suggestive undertones so please beware. You can change names, pronouns, locations as you see fit.

I bet it doesn’t feel like this with that boy of yours, does it?

You’ll never know when I’m going to drag you into the darkness, pumping my cock into one of your tight holes. And you’ll take every inch like a good little girl.

What a tiny life we’d live if we fashioned ourselves to the comforts of others.

I think I'm a little old for that, love.

No, not old. But you're, you know, a man.

Tell me that you've never had anyone else. I want you to pretend.

You show me things I've forgotten.

Sometimes I think you must have seen it all before. That I can't show you anything new.

I like you as you are, he said. Even if you're going to wear me out.

I’m rough with your body sometimes, but I’ll always be gentle with your soul. She bruises far more easily.

This prince is a few years younger than you, and does not have much experience.

I must have forgotten how young you would be, Princess. Has there ever been a sovereign of such tender age?

Who is to say what love is or what it wants to be, the shape it takes, or how quickly it comes on? Love has always made a fool of time.

I don’t feel old. As a matter of fact, sitting here with you makes me feel older, not younger. Nothing is rubbing off.

Mr. Rochester was about forty, and this governess not twenty; and you see, when gentlemen of his age fall in love with girls, they are often like as if they were bewitched.

He's old enough to be your father.

Tonks deserves somebody young and whole.

But she wants you. And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so.

Age is no barrier. It's a limitation you put on your mind.

Age considers; youth ventures.

Age, like distance lends a double charm. 

I'm a strong believer that a good relationship can work, whatever the situation. 

Love knows no boundaries, not even the ones defined by age.

Don’t let society’s judgment define your love. Follow your heart, despite the age difference.

Most people would be upset they get an old man as their husband.  

Do not worry about your age, Ser. The lady pays attention not to age but prowess.

I will not let time choose my lovers for me. I trust my own judgement. 

You should look to more prosperous gardens, Your Grace.

I was sixteen years old when you were born.

No doubt you were much my superior in judgement at that period of our lives; but does not the lapse of one-and-twenty years bring our understandings a good deal nearer?

Come, my dear Emma, let us be friends, and say no more about it. 

I have seldom seen a face or figure more pleasing to me than hers. But I am a partial old friend.

If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.

We spend more time discussing this matter than being together as a couple. And I believe you are doing it on purpose.

You think my attention is as fickle that I would look elsewhere.

Perhaps it would be you who looks elsewhere. A handsome older man must have youthful maidens at his disposal.

If we were closer in age, it would've been fine.

I have loved you since the moment I helped you with your zipper. 

Would it make you feel better if I call you Daddy while you fuck me?

You’ll be a silver fox before 40 at this rate.

Well, it’s definitely your fault. You stress me out. You’re making my hair turn white.

It’s easy to cast opinions when your heart isn’t the one invested.

I hope you love me, because I love you like crazy, and I'm going to want you the rest of my life.

You already know the truth. And I will be by your side, but I am not good for you.

I am tired of others getting to choose who is good for me. You do that quite often, frequently. 

You'll keep your name. You'll keep your will. You'll have your own servants to attend you— you will have everything you ask for.

Don't ask me to let you do. Do you understand? Do not ask me.

It might be best for us, for myself, if I found myself useful elsewhere.

I wish you could just slow down so I could catch up to you.

Stamina is not an issue. But rather what others will whisper.

When are you going to get over this? All I did was touch your leg.

Why would it matter if someone saw you saying hello to me?

But it’s nice to be around you. Like I haven’t lost a decade of my life.

I been in love with you since I was six, fool. 

I will always belong to you, but I’m afraid there will be others after me. I’m not a young man/woman.

A kiss ... a muse. It is a question, an unlocked door. It is ... elation ... and anguish.

You have treated me better than any young man my age. Why should I go for either of them? 

Young men are eager lovers. I prefer my lovers to take their time. I’m sure with men is the same.

You make me feel really safe. i’m not used to that.

You gave an old man purpose again. And that is more than I can ask of you.

I was a child then, with a crush and a dream. As I grew, dreams changed but you remain the one in my dreams.

I have thought about kissing you a lot. What would that make me?

I have more in common with you than men my age.

Do not pretend to think what I think.

More recently, there are rumors she prefers her lovers to be younger. Truth to be told, I don’t blame her.

I will teach you in time, but for now restrain me and have your way with me. I don’t want to think, I just want to feel.

We have never done anything to be ashamed of. You’ve never done anything to be ashamed of.

Personally, I think the difference keeps us interesting in another another. 

You can teach me all you wish, and I can learn. I know I can.

There is always a wild side to an innocent face.

You are being too forward right now, my lady. Be careful.

There would be other loves. Even great loves. But she was right, only one remained perfect.

Maybe there are some people you marry and people you love.

Just so you know, you're a natural lover. Your body expresses beautifully what's in your heart.

I have never felt so alive... as when I am in your arms.

A 5 to 7 relationship is a relationship outside of marriage.

You're older than I am, you're wiser I'm sure and you've seen much more of the world.

[archangeldyke-all]

can you write something about amab ceo sev and her trans identity and story, i love ceo sev sm she has my whole heart

yeah lets do it!

quick disclaimer! i'm cis, so if there's any mistakes/missteps lmk and i will fix it asap!

men and minors dni

i imagine sevika as one of those people who's just always known who they are. not just in terms of queerness, but like, just opinions and taste and personality in general.

so i think when she was a kid, she likely knew she was trans, just like she knew she liked women. she might not have had the vocabulary to name it, or known that other people feel it, but she never questioned it about herself specifically.

i dont think she would've told anyone, though.

sevika's incredibly perceptive-- she would have known, even as a kid, how talking about the different feelings she was having could upset people, or get her in trouble.

she found the words for what she'd always known to be true about herself when she was an early teenager. sevika's a big reader, and she was one of those kids who wants to know how everything works: from machines to nature to politics to society-- she'd stumble across the complexities of gender identity earlier than most kids do.

but again, she didn't tell anyone. sevika's no stranger to how horrible people can be-- she didn't want to give anybody an extra reason to fuck with her. instead, she just kept to herself, finding comfort in reading as many books and articles on queerness and transness that she could get her hands on.

she understood early on what she was up against, being a trans, gay, brown/black woman in this society. but she never let it deter her.

the second she turned fifteen she got a job as a busser at a restaurant in her town. she saved every penny-- and she worked all the time. besides the occasional pack of gum and pair of socks, the only thing sevika ever bought in was a junker of a car from her neighbor-- only $500.

she repaired it on her own during her free time. (of which, there was hardly any.)

the second she turned eighteen, sevika packed up her belongings in the backseat of her car and left her hometown never to return. it was now that she could finally start living her truth.

with her saving she managed to get an apartment to lease for a few months while she scrambled for a job. for a while, she was bouncing from security job to security job, but then she managed to snag a stable position as a saleswoman.

with her new job she got benefits. a 401k and healthcare.

she started going to therapy at, like, 20. again-- sevika's incredibly self aware. she was laying in bed staring at the ceiling once night, and she just thought to herself 'huh, you know, i've kinda been through a lot. i'm kinda going through a lot. i should... probably go to therapy.' and then she just did.

it took her a few tries to find a good therapist, but then she met a four foot tall little old lady who looked like mrs. clause but cursed like a sailor. sevika fell in love the moment they met.

mrs. clause-- or dr. walsh-- was a no-nonsense, no-bullshit kind of lady. each time sevika would try to downplay her achievements or doubt herself, dr. walsh would throw a crumbled postit at her face and rant-encourage-remind sevika about her strength and bravery.

with dr. walsh's help, sevika started to see her future as something that could be... positive. she'd been so focused on escaping the past, she forgot she could look forward. but once she did-- she was exhilarated.

it was definetly an, 'oh, shit, i can do anything i fucking want' moment for her.

she knew that she had it in her to do it-- she'd proven it to herself time and time again-- now she just had to decide what she wanted to do.

it took her a while, a lot of research and soul searching, but by the time she was 22 she started to socially transition.

her hair'd always been long, but she finally treated herself to a visit to a salon-- getting it styled in the perfect slightly slanted bob she'd always wanted. she made a promise to herself in the parking lot that she'd never cut her own hair again, she was so fucking thrilled with the experience and the outcome. (her stylist was a huge gossip-- spent the entire time telling sevika about her sister's sex life. sevika had a blast)

she started treating herself to more clothes. custom tailored suits for the office-- blouses and button ups and fun silky ties for underneath.

(all the while, she was effortlessly climbing the ranks at work. despite the horrible office culture in a competitive environment like sales-- money talks. and sevika was outselling all her co-workers.)

she found the name 'sevika' one day completely randomly. she hadn't really given changing her name any thought until her eyes glanced over the name in contact screen of a stranger's phone-- but she couldn't get the sound of it out of her head.

at 25, sevika started to medically transition. with a lot of research, both on her and dr. walsh's end-- she started estrogen.

she was thrilled. she knew changes couldn't be seen on a day to day basis-- but she swore every day she woke up looking and feeling more and more like her.

always a gym rat-- sevika's muscular frame started to carry a little more curve.

she smiled for a full six hours the first time she noticed her ass jiggling in the full length mirrors at the gym as she did burpies.

sevika was no stranger to eyeliner having gone through a bit of an emo phase as a kid-- but beyond that she found the sensory feeling of makeup unbearable.

but when she found out that there was such a thing as tattoo-able makeup-- you bet your ass she made an appointment. it hurt like a bitch but it was worth it when she could have perfectly defined dark lips all throughout the day no matter how many coffee cups she sipped from or chicken burritos she sank her teeth into.

at work, sevika had worked her way up so high the ranks that nobody dared to give her shit anymore. and when they did-- she just fired them.

she spent her late 20s dating around. she had a few girlfriends and a lot of flings, but nothing ever really worked for her. it did give her a shit-ton of confidence though.

the more herself she became-- both in her body and in her job and in her bed-- the bigger and brighter her future seemed.

this isn't to say she never had shitty days. she had plenty. some she journaled about, some she cried about, some she boxed about, some she called dr. walsh about. the worst ones she drank about-- though as she was growing up the hangovers were making this one less tolerable.

people are assholes. dysphoria is a fucking asshole. sevika's boss was an asshole. but when she felt close to drowning-- when she felt the grief and sadness and the self-destructive urges creep up-- she just closed her eyes and thought of herself at fourteen-- cooking up a plan to get as far away from home as she could. she imagines herself meeting teenage-sev, telling her all the things she'd come to do, (and all the girls she'd come to do, if you know what i mean, wink wink, nudge nudge) and she imagines how fuckin' proud little emo-acne-riddled-brace-face sevika would be of her.

it works every time.

on her thirtieth birthday, she bought herself a breast augmentation. she loved her tits-- but she just wanted a little more. she wanted to have to wear a bra under her silky button ups, instead of it being optional. but once she got them done she was so fucking thrilled she didn't want to wear a bra under her button ups. (she did, of course, because wasn't trying to cause an hr nightmare at work.)

when dr. walsh died-- sevika was devastated. there were a few months there where she was in complete depression. she made no attempt to find a new therapist-- she took as much paid time off from work as she could, just to sit around her house alone.

but then one night-- sevika swears on her life-- dr. walsh visited her in a dream with a message

'you better get your shit together girl! don't let all my hard work go to waste!'

sevika woke up the next morning laughing and crying, and she was back at work the next day.

she found a new therapist, and she forced herself to make new friends, suddenly aware that the only person in the world who knew her had died.

she started hanging out with some of her more tolerable co-workers, and she was shocked to realize that most of them were... actually pretty cool.

she started taking herself out to dinner-- just her and a book-- just so she could spend more time with herself.

she made it a point to take a vacation once every six months.

and when the ceo of her company stepped down, she was riding on a high. she was feeling good about life, so she decided: fuck it.

and she applied for the open position.

and then she got the job.

and at thirty five, sevika finally felt like she was in her bright future-- not just working towards it.

the night before her first night on the job-- sevika's mind was racing.

there were so many changes she needed to make, so many ideas she had to implement in the company. not to mention the fact that she had to buy furniture for her new office, and find an assistant-- and a good assistant is really fucking hard to come by-- and was she sure she could really do this job in the first place? what if she made a mistake accepting it-- what if she can't handle it--

sevika cut her racing thoughts off, scrubbing her face. she took a second to breathe, then she conjured up little-sev in her mind to give her an update and get a pep talk.

who the fuck are you? little teenage sevika asked, huffing as she had to shove her headphones off her ears.

'i'm you, jackass.'

...woah. we look... hot...

'duh.'

how did that happen?

'moved away, worked hard, got lucky, got rich.' sevika says, watching her younger self's eyebrows rise.

shit... look at our tits!

'i know-- they're great, right?'

fuck yeah. well... whaddya want?

'wanted to tell you we just got promoted to ceo.'

...really?

'yeah. we start tomorrow.'

...us?

'yeah. we're like... kind of a big deal now.'

...woah.

'yeah woah.'

then, just as she's about to drift off to sleep, sevika's mind speaks again.

...soooo... have we met our wife yet?

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for coming out as bi to my girlfriend and voicing my concerns to her

I (18M) have been dating my girlfriend, L (20F) for three years now. our relationship has been great so far, we were attracted to each other from the start. she has always been very flirty and tbh that's how she won me over at first, because teenage hormones are gonna teenage hormones y'know, but when I got to know her better as a person I realized my feelings for her weren't just sexual - she is kind, gentle, overall really sweet. I was, and still am, attracted to her in every way. L is also openly bisexual, fully out, and idk I've always felt so safe around her because she doesn't judge others, I think she's so beautiful inside and out. she has been my first girlfriend ever so I always do my best to be supportive and make her feel loved.

a few months ago I realized I'm bi. I thought, hey, since she always speaks about her own bisexuality I think I can tell her I'm bi as well. she was, as usual, very non-judgemental but she said something that I didn't like, something like "you see how much I love and trust you? someone else would've been like OMG YOU'RE PROBABLY JUST GAY AND YOU WANT TO CHEAT ON ME WITH A GUY". I was,, confused bc 1. I think supporting your partner when they come out is the bare minimum, 2. she is bisexual herself and I don't think shes gonna cheat on me with a girl, I never acted like I was great for supporting her and 3. I know I'm not gay because L can do whatever she wants with me so I dunno what that comment was for. I've enjoyed my intimate encounters with her too much to be gay and she knows this.

I was a bit annoyed but still grateful that she was supportive. I noticed our sexual activities increased after that and a part of me wondered if she was trying to make sure I'm not gay. which made her look like a bit of a hypocrite because she never had to "prove" to me that she's not gay. not complaining tho - I just found it odd? I think it's a weird double standard, but then again I know women are always putting up with double standards so I feel like I can't tell her abt how strange her comment was. I just don't want L to think I'm not attracted to her and I started feeling like an asshole for telling her I'm bi.

but she got actually upset over something else that has nothing to do with us being bi - when we first started talking, she was dating another guy. I knew this, so I was respectful, I thought that L being flirty with me was some kind of joke until she told me she was serious and she couldn't stop thinking about me. L didn't cheat on him, she broke up with him before she started dating me, and recently I told her "hey... I won't be that guy one day, right? I trust you and I know you won't cheat on me, but I remembered how our friendship first started and if you ever stop loving me I would like to know before you feel ignored enough to start flirting with other guys". she got very visibly upset, she said I was right, said she felt cheap and like a whore and ???? NOT AT ALL WHAT I FUCKING MEANT. I was trying to tell her I want us to have communication, because I love her and I want our relationship to work out.

I feel like a shitty person and boyfriend, first for telling her I'm bi even though it wouldn't have an impact on our relationship, then for trying to voice my concerns and accidentally making her feel that way.

I've apologized a few times and we're good now but she introduced me to her best friend and,, this girl just started talking abt how she will guide me so I can properly take care of L? it made me feel really stupid. I felt like a child tbh. we are bi but not poly (I respect those who are, just giving you context) so idk why she felt she had to insert her friend into our relationship. am I really so bad that my girlfriend has to ask her friend to teach me how to be good to her? I would understand this if L had some sort of disability but her friend just talks to me about BDSM and doms/subs and like ??? I feel like L being a sub has fuck all to do with our argument, but I still feel terrible. pls help me make sense of these things. I want to know if I am the asshole.

[mewhenimanangel]

—synopsis. you finally perform the solo you’d been practicing for the last three months. eren is sure to show up for you

—chapter 8 ౨ৎ

𝜗𝜚content!: au-high school, teenage romance, black reader, ballet dancer reader, cheesy romance, idiots in love

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"you did what?!" lana whisper-yelled, scolding you as you stretched on the barre. you told her about how you blew off eren's date and told him off monday morning. she asked you how you and eren were doing since she hasn't seen you guys together all week.

you told her about how painfully awkward math class was. for the first time since sitting with each other, you and eren spent the entire lesson focused on mr ryan and writing down the notes. you even moved your self over a bit so to not bump against him.

"is this because of your dad?" lana asked. you rolled your eyes, she knew you too well. during your depressive episodes, lana was the one person you never successfully pushed away. she would show up to your house with snacks and a stuffed animal she thought you would like, your room was growing a collection at this point.

she would then spend the night with you in your bed so you weren't alone.

"maybe it is" you told her as you changed positions according to mrs jaeger's instructions.

"dude. i'm sorry but you can't keep doing this" she scoffed. "what? don't tell me how to cope with my feelings" you got a little defensive.

"you can't be serious." lana deadpanned "girls. focus." mrs jaeger said. "we're not done with this conversation" she whispered.

once mrs jaeger was done with practice, you joined lana at your designated spot in the room.

"listen i know how you get but eren didn't deserve that. he actually really likes you" she chugged her water before continuing "the fact that he even came up to you proves that. don't shut him out."

"fine you're right that he doesn't deserve it but..i think we might as well just leave it there. the show's in a week and i've been slacking off. plus i saw that he followed historia on ig again" you scoffed.

"okay that part is weird. but you can't be upset when you're the one that literally told him to go back to her. that's literally your fault"

"ugh shut up it's not like i meant for him to literally do it." "relax, i don't think they're back together. it's just a follow. connie would've told me if they did get back together"

"ugh i guess you're right" you sighed, grabbing your duffel bag. "practice?" she asked and you nod your head.

"you want me to come back to take you home?" she asked you. "nah it's fine i'll call my mom" you left the room.

you looked down at your phone for a second before you managed to bump into someone. "sorr- oh." annie cut herself off when she saw you.

you rolled your eyes before beginning to walk away. "so how are you?" she put on a phony apologetic voice. "what do you mean?" you furrowed your eyebrows.

"well rumor has it that you and eren are done and he's back with historia. that's gotta hurt doesn't it?" she frowned. "i wonder if mrs jaeger is gonna give me the solo now that you've broken her poor son's heart after slutting yourself out"

"...annie do you fucking hear yourself?  whatever the fuck i have going on has nothing to do with you or this solo. i never got the solo because i was talking to eren, i got it cause i'm actually a good dancer and i know how to do a basic fucking spin." you scoffed.

you put your earbuds in and walked away before she could say anything else. it's like everything in your life was just trying to test you this last week.

you spent the next two hours perfecting your solo and going over your parts in the recital.

unbeknownst to you, eren was out in the hallway watching. he subconsciously stopped outside the room when he was going to ask his mom for the keys to the house again.

eren wondered why you even still bothered with these long practices when every move you did while practicing was perfect. it was kind of silly to him. you spun around and eren quickly ducked past the window he was creeping from.

you furrowed your eyebrows, swearing you'd just seen someone standing there.

by this point you were starving, tired, and developing a headache so you decided it was best to call it a night, calling your mom to tell her you were done. you stumbled out of your pointe shoes and changed into the slides you'd brought with you earlier, putting on a pair of sweats over your shorts.

ʚɞ listen to cherry!

you were practically hyperventilating backstage. today was show day, meaning all the dance recitals including your solo. you were so nervous you felt your heart would drop out of your chest.

"dude relax, it's okay. you're gonna do amazing!" lana threw her arm around you. "yeah for real, we've all seen the way you practiced you're gonna do so fucking good" your friend kailee nod her head.

so far you had danced in your hiphop performance, your class's contemporary piece and your solo was coming up after the next performance, you would be closing the recital.

you were currently dressed in a garnet red backless leotard that had a ruffled skirt like hem, white pantyhose, and a pair of white leg warmers.

your hair was slicked back in the tightest bun with a red peony hairpiece while lana helped you with your makeup after you ended up running a little late this morning. "you actually look perfect" kailee handed you a mirror.

"y/n i hope you're stretched, you're up in two minutes!" mrs jaeger came up to you. your heart dropped all over again hearing those words.

lana and kailee squealed as you got up from the ground and started heading closer to the stage.

you took deep breaths as you waited for the school director to announce your name and you walked out on to stage, waiting for the music to start.

you gracefully danced along to the song, making sure the three months of long and intense practices were evident in the way you move.

you were running on adrenaline, making your body shake before you subconsciously shut the audience out and focused on your movements.

you sharpened every kick, graced every pirouette and every spin, matched your movements with the beat and lyrics of the song.

you pretended there wasn't a crowd of people - which was easy due to the dim lights in the auditorium, you pretended it was just you in the room, you pretended it was just you practicing in front of eren while he sat on the floor of the studio and watched your every move.

you wanted to make every move perfect just for him, even if he wasn't there in the crowd. you couldn't but relate the song to your situation with him as you passionately matched the energy of the song. 'I fall to pieces when I'm with you (why?) Cause I love you so much' you memorized those lyrics throughout your practices, you dragged your right leg back behind you as you bent your body back, lowering your self to the ground to match the dramatics of the music.

you looked into the audience, tripping every so slightly when you saw eren looking back at you. he was in the front row with connie, elbows on the armrests as he held his hands in front of his mouth, studying your every move intently. 

eren had memorized these moves and knew the dance was almost over. his gaze never left you and he noticed how your foot slipped when your eyes met his. but you managed to catch yourself, he loved that about you, you always seemed to find a way to get back up.

once you heard the last beat of the song that you'd become familiar with in the last three months you ended your dance in a pose - laying sideways on the floor with one arm holding you up and the other draped over your head, your eyes didn't leave eren's as you tried to hide your heavy breaths.

you tuned back in once you heard everyone in the audience begin to clap and cheer for you. you got up from the ground, smiled, and curtseyed before leaving the stage as the curtains closed.

once you were back stage, lana and kailee hugged you and began jumping around and squealing.

"i don't know WHY you were nervous that has to be the best performance of the whole show" lana praised you. "yeah seriously everything was perfect" kailee nod her head. the other girls back stage clapped along for you too.

mrs jaeger came over to the three of you clapping her hands before reaching out to hug you. "that was beautiful y/n! i knew i made the right decision making you my soloist. every last move was so graceful, even when you tripped and made it look as though it was part of the routine" she told you.

"thank you mrs jaeger" you smiled. "such a beautiful end to such an amazing recital. you all did wonderful jobs this evening i am truly proud. everyone give yourselves a round of applause"

after taking a group picture, you all went to the dressing rooms to grab your things and meet your families in the auditorium.

you grabbed your duffel bag and put on your sneakers. "we ate every performance up oh my goddd" lana squealed as you walked to join the crowd in the audience. on the way there you bumped into mina and annie who rolled her eyes when she saw you.

"nice performance. you looked somewhat decent" she sighed. "thanks" you scoffed before walking away with lana.

for some reason it hit you hard that this would be your last performance, it was almost bittersweet. "can't believe we're leaving this place after this year" lana sighed as you entered the auditorium.

"it's crazy we're literally graduating.."

you scanned the audience for your mom before she turned around, smiling as she made her way to you. "ohhh my baby. you did so good, it was beautiful! and you had the audacity to be nervous like you weren't gonna blow the crowd away!" she hugged you and bobbed from side to side.

"you liked it?" you smiled. "i loved it!" she cheered as she gave you the bouquet of pink peonies. "yeah you actually looked really good" enya chimed in. "thanks kid" you smiled as you brought her in for a side hug.

"ohhh and lana you looked amazing up there sweetie" she pulled your friend into a hug. "every chasse every spin every move ugh you girls are perfect. you keep me young" your mom pulled you into the group hug.

"thank you so much mrs l/n" lana grinned. "oh hang on i'll see you guys later i see my dad" she told you as you all said goodbye.

mrs jaeger came over to you and your mom to congratulate you and praise your work to your mom. "she's such a wonderful dancer, i'm going to miss her next year" she turned to smile at you. "i'll always visit" you smiled.

the four of you turned around when you heard someone clear their throat behind you. your heart sank when you saw eren standing there. he wore a black polo shirt and baggy black jeans.

your mom and mrs jaeger each other a look "sweetie i'll be outside okay?" your mom told you as they stepped away.

"hey" eren stepped closer to you, reaching for a hug. "hi" you threw your arm around him pulling him into the embrace.

"you looked amazing up there" he pulled away to look at your outfit.

eren didn't tell you he was gonna be at the recital but connie brought him along.

watching you dance was always nice but watching you dance your heart out on stage was just so beautiful and encapsulating. eren couldn't get enough of you. everything about you was so graceful and beautiful all the time.

he knew he had to see you once you were done, but he was nervous considering the two of you hadn't spoken much in the last two weeks. he was shocked you even hugged him.

"thank you, did you like my solo?" you grinned. "it was fucking amazing. i don't know what you were so scared of, those practices definitely paid off." he smiled.

"they definitely did" you nod your head, a friendly gesture. "thanks for coming, i didn't think you would" you told him.

"of course i would, i was with you so much when you practiced i had to come see the final product" he smirked as he bumped your shoulder.

your mom came up behind you and put her hand on your shoulder. "hi, i'm y/n's mom" she smiled as she put her hand out for eren to shake. "hi it's nice to meet you, i'm eren" he told her.

"oh well it's nice to finally put a face to the name, i've heard so much about you" she told him and your face dropped when you realized what she meant. eren looked at you with a cocky grin on his face and you smiled before rolling your eyes.

"well it was really nice meeting you but we're gonna have to head out if we wanna make those dinner reservations" your mom turned to you. "oh right" you looked back at eren.

"seriously thanks for coming" you hugged him again and his hands lingered on your waist for a beat longer than they should've.

"of course, i'll see you later" he waved to you and your mom.

nia’s ౨ৎ notes: lmaooo can y’all tell i couldn’t wait to make them talk again

[creedslove]

HEARTLESS 💔 - PART FIFTEEN

Agent Whiskey (Jack Daniels) x f!reader

Summary: the aftermath of Wyatt's birthday party. You and Jack end up hurting each other with your different points of view, but your love is stronger

(This is the fifth chapter of the HEARTLESS 💔 series)

• PART ONE TO FOURTEEN ON MY MASTERLIST

Warnings: angst, two idiots in love, fluff, mom!reader

A/N: besties, I love this chapter very much, I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do. Our cowboy deserves nothing but the best and I know how much you've missed him! I have missed him too! ❤️

5.6k words

You smiled at the pictures and at your son the entire time, a part of you was indeed extremely happy to be there, holding your baby boy who was now growing into a wonderful child, turning four and blowing his candles next to his daddy for the first time in his life. He looked at everyone who gathered around and sang him happy birthday with awe, never seen so many people cheering on him, gifting him presents, not to mention the other presents he got from his daddy before. Wyatt was having the best day of his little life, amongst others best days of his life, ever since his father came into the picture, he made sure to make things memorable for him.

On the other, you were feeling a hint of hurt, perhaps a melancholy even, too many emotions happening all at once: you and Jack making out constantly like horny teenagers, that felt pretty good, giving you a sense of freedom, finally expressing your feelings and your hormones, the things you'd been so desperately trying to hide from the others as well as from yourself, for a long time you carried with shame the love you felt for Jack Daniels, after what he did to you and your son. You never thought it would even be possible to express those feelings you desperately pretended to be non-existent, but again, that cowboy had his own way to make your world upside down and his gentle attitude, loving words, warm eyes and a tight, manly grip around your body had you hostage again, you simply couldn't break free from Jack Daniels, even if you tried to - and you did, for very long - he just had a way to keep you his. It felt bittersweet to know you were free to be with him, now Frankie was out of the picture, which was also partially why you felt upset. It's not a matter of breaking up with him, even if Whiskey wasn't in the picture, you and Frankie would end up splitting up sooner or later; he was just too close to his ex-wife to be over her, your relationship was just a consequence of two lonely people looking for a hook-up online. He was handsome, sweet and a good kisser, but you weren't in love with him, your heart was never open to anyone but the cowboy that both disgraced your life and also added a sense to it. It was only a matter of time until either of you would have to start the unpleasant conversation and get things done with; however, what made you upset was the way the break-up happened. Perhaps it would've been better if it didn't happen in the middle of your son's birthday party and though there wasn't a scene apart from when his daughter bit your son, it still felt odd. You were disappointed in Frankie for finding out he'd been hiding things from you, but just because of that, you didn't think it was appropriate for Jack to throw Frankie's dossier onto his lap as if they were in the middle of an interrogation. You were thankful your cowboy was protective and willing to take the risks to help and protect you, but you knew you would've handled things differently. Still, things were done and they'd remain that way, you were at least thankful you didn't have to handle things like that at all.

But Jack still pressured you and made you uncomfortable, he was already talking about marriage, kids and you weren't there yet. Of course you wanted to spend time with your cowboy, you were willing to make things right for your family, for your son and also for yourself, but you didn't want to get married and let alone have more kids. You didn't trust Jack with getting you pregnant, the trauma and the sadness you went through in a moment that was supposed to be one of the best and happiest of your life was too present, you still had nightmares about it and you were not willing to let it repeat itself, even if your cowboy got on his knees and swore to you he'd never do anything like that, you wouldn't like to figure out by yourself.

You couldn't lie to yourself if you said you hadn't let your mind wander and dared to think of an alternative scenario where you went all the way with Jack: marriage and another kid. Perhaps it could work, you had no way to guess if it would, but you decided to be safe rather than sorry and immediately draw the line. You could tell he'd become upset at your immediate refusal right under the willow tree, he was surprisingly soft when it came to family business and it wouldn't be different when you weren't interested in his future plans. Jack Daniels was a traditional man, he was one to get married and settle down, just like he'd been taught from a young age, like real men were supposed to do. He thought that now that you and him were finally on the same page about becoming a real family and giving it a shot, you would also agree with him. He thought you'd say yes to his proposal even if it wasn't official yet and also his idea to give Wyatt a baby brother or baby sister. However, you'd said no. He couldn't even blame you, no one could; even if you were the most selfish person in the world, - which you weren't, because after all the shit he'd done, he'd committed himself to worship the ground you stepped on - he knew it was understandable and expectable too. But that old broken heart was overflowing with love for you and your son, it just kept the fire of hope alive, so when you'd been nothing but clear when you stated you wouldn't get marry nor have kids, he got upset. Not only that, he felt quite rejected. Perhaps it was a product of the tension he went through with your ex earlier that day, he had hated Frankie since day one, even before finding the dirt on him, he just couldn't have sympathy for anyone who had the woman he loved; if it were up to him, he would've kicked his ass and told him to fuck off, but he couldn't do that in the middle of his son's birthday party, not when toddlers ran around and the adults enjoyed good food and drink. And then that little monster Frankie called a daughter bit his boy and Jack felt angry. He was actually pissed. Yeah, she was a child - a very spoiled, whiny and annoying one - and he knew that often happened, but he'd always hated biters, his little sister was a biter and he learned from a young age to hate this kind. There was also the fact he was actually being able to take part in his son's birthday for the first time and the need of making everything perfect and memorable for Wyatt was a bit nerve wracking, not that he would admit it, but Jack Daniels didn't lose sleep before a mission, but he did lose sleep before a four-year-old party because he wasn't sure if the inflatables and the trampolines were good enough.

At that point, Jack was just tired, too many people around his home, making too much noise and whereas his son was having the time of his life, Whiskey preferred the moments he'd spent with only you and him, where Wyatt played with his pony and you were both quiet and affectionate. However, each time Wyatt's laugh was heard all over the place, the cowboy couldn't hold back his unconscious smile, he never knew how the happiness of a child could make him feel young and good again. Like the bad, rough path in his life had never existed. When he left the willow tree with you and your son, Whiskey was silent, not getting closer, he felt the sting of rejection and even if he knew it wasn't fair and that you had all the right to want different things in life, he still pouted and put his cowboy hat on, following you down the party.

He kept his distance once everyone sang Wyatt happy birthday, he could feel the same tension you did, the way you stood all stiff next to your son, occasionally smiling at everything and everybody but avoiding his gaze, it made his heart clench, he didn't really know what else to do. He didn't want to lose you, but it seemed at times that no matter what he did, if he showered you with love or affection, he still managed to scare you off. He closed his eyes and sighed, another flash by the cameras that photographed the moment he stood next to his family. Normally Jack wouldn't be in so many pictures, but he always made exceptions for you and now your son too. The cowboy was so caught up in his feelings, he only noticed how close you were the moment you wrapped your arms around him, closing the distance between the two of you and Wyatt stood on a chair, to be at your height so you could have a beautiful picture to watch in the future. He looked at you slightly surprised, not expecting a physical touch from you, even if the warmth was so soothing and familiar, he didn't expect to have your body glued tight to his. It was some kind of hypnosis, being away from you for so long, whenever he was able to touch you, it simply didn't feel real at all. He still couldn't ignore how upset he was, but when he looked into your eyes and saw your smile, he went soft. Posing for another picture wanting that moment to be eternalized.

•••

"Cake?" You offered Jack a small plate, joining him at one of the many tables that were set through the backyard. One by one, the guests began taking off after the cake was cut and served, the party naturally coming to an end after hours of fun and adventure for the kids as well as their parents who drank, ate and danced, because if there was something Jack Daniels was good at, it was definitely throwing a ranch party. Wyatt baffled the two of you, still having the energy to bounce from inflatable to inflatable, trampoline from trampoline, so excited he completely forgot about the pile of presents exclusively for him. You were exhausted and you could tell the cowboy was just the same, taking the cake from your hand with a small thank you as he began nibbling at it.

He was upset, you could tell, because his aviators were back on, covering his eyes and even if they weren't uncovered you just knew they wouldn't carry that traditional spark. His shit-eating grin was replaced by his serious expression and you just felt so frustrated with that man. Instead of having your lips on those tempting lips of his, you had to go through that whole awkward situation with him. Why couldn't things be a lot more simple? Why couldn't you just enjoy each other's company, without making things complicated?

He didn't say anything at first, just watching as Wyatt ran from one place to the other, enjoying the toys a lot more now that he didn't actually need to share them with the other kids.

"Why don't you wanna marry me?" Jack broke the silence, not looking directly at you, he looked down instead, eager and also scared to hear your answer.

"Instead of asking me this, why don't you answer my question, Jack?! Why do you wanna marry me so bad?"

You caught that cowboy by surprise, out of all the answers in the world, the ones he could have possibly heard, that was something he didn't expect.

"I-I…" he started but bit his lips, taking his glasses off and looking at you "it doesn't feel real to me that you want to give our family a chance, the feeling I have is that one day you'll wake up and get back to your senses, that you'll remember I'm not good and shouldn't be forgiven, so I fear you will walk away from me. I figured that if we get married, not only would it assure me that wouldn't happen, but we could also pick up from where we left off" that making perfect sense in his mind.

"So you just want to trap me?"

"Sugar, don't look at things that way… I mean yeah, getting married would be a way of making sure you don't regret giving me a chance, but I would also like to continue from where we left off…"

"We will never continue from where we left off, Jack… listen, Wyatt just turned four, which means we're talking about nearly five years in the past; there's been too much between us, a horrible, traumatic, violent, break up. There was a pregnancy, also traumatic, because it was scary, painful, stressful, there was a child birth, countless nights of staying up and taking care of a baby I wasn't even sure how to do so, I'm not holding it against you, but there's no turning back, Jack. You will never be able to make up for this all because it's long gone, and I can see you want to prove yourself, have a chance so you can show me now you can handle taking care of a baby, but I'm not gonna be part of your experiment"

"I just thought we could be a family, a real, big family, I know the three of us are already one, but I wanted to have another baby, I wanted to make you my wife, have you wear a big fancy ring around your beautiful finger and go to bed and wake up every single day for the rest of my life next to you. I'm not saying that what we have now, how we are getting along and finally breaking the barrier that was keeping us apart isn't good, but I wanted more… I wanted to know for a fact one day you won't just wake up and walk away from me, sugar"

And that was exactly the kind of assurance you couldn't offer him. Yes, you were willing to be with Jack, as a couple maybe, as lovers definitely because you simply couldn't get your hands off your cowboy, but were you 100% certain you wanted to have him for the rest of your life? You didn't know.

"It seems like we want different things in life Jack… you pressure me when you talk about this, about the future, when you talk about having babies as if the whole experience with Wyatt hadn't happened"

"And you hurt me when you just discard our future without a second thought, sugar" he looked down, placing the plate on the table and sighing, getting up and taking his leather jacket off, placing it on your shoulder, surprising you at the soft touch, only then realizing you were actually shivering at the cool wind. The cowboy excused himself and walked inside.

•••

Whiskey had got inside his home, pouring himself a glass of the hardest Statesman liquor he could find and got into his bathtub. He let out a loud groan, his sore muscles finally relaxing under the warm water, but unfortunately to him, not all the relaxation in the world could soothe his heart. He wasn't even sure what that all meant. Were you and him still trying? Broken up? He didn't know and he was afraid to ask, perhaps it would be better if he left that question mark hanging for a little while. He sank his head under the water so he could be alone with his thoughts.

You called Wyatt, who finally came running to you. He was panting and his skin was sticky with sweat from how much he played even if the weather wasn't warm anymore. He smiled and gave you a big hug, snuggling you and letting out a yawn, he had never been happier, though he frowned not seeing his daddy. You explained to your son Jack had had an early night because he was tired. All of you were, but you knew Wyatt still needed a warm bath before bed.

Once your son was clean up, warm and tucked in bed, you felt kind of awkward, not sure if you should lie down or go after Jack. Things had escalated to more than tense once you two opened your hearts and though you wanted to make things right, you didn't know how to. Jack was a stubborn man, and if he had that idea in mind, you knew you wouldn't be able to go against it. However, you were also sure you wouldn't be able to simply go to bed when things were so unsolved, you couldn't say yes to his marriage proposal in one night, but you could at least make sure things were alright - or not - between the two of you.

You exited your bedroom and decided to go to Jack's, so eager to knock on his door you barely noticed him walking towards you, apparently he also had issues he had to address. You stopped just inches from bumping against him, but it didn't stop the cowboy to hold you by the hips. He smiled down at you, but it didn't meet the eyes, and you were sure he was still upset.

"Hey sugar, going somewhere in a rush?" He asked curiously at your nod but since you didn't actually reply to his question, he just cleared his throat

"I was wondering if you'd be okay with me taking Wyatt to the Statesman tomorrow morning? I gotta go there to make some payments for the service some employees did at the party and I was thinking that would be a nice opportunity for him to see his daddy's workplace"

He smirked proudly, imagining how excited Wyatt would be while running around the hallways of Statesman, seeing the cool stuff his daddy worked with. He was sure he would enjoy their time together, but the moment he noticed your sad expression, Jack frowned, concerned about you and what could've happened.

"Jack, can I ask you a question? Are you mad at me? About the fact I don't want more babies or a wedding?"

He sighed and bit his lip, carefully choosing his words, he didn't want to offend you in any way, but he wasn't great at hiding how upset that made him

"I'm not mad, it's your choice… but as I said, it made me upset, I had already made plans for us, sugar. It's nice we're getting along, but I expected more, as you already know… Would you ever marry me? Someday?"

"I-I don't know, Jack" you sighed and looked down, ashamed of your honest response, being sure it would hurt that broken heart even more.

He nodded and looked around, taking a step back from you. He thought of kissing your lips goodnight, but he didn't actually see the point in it.

•••

Jack and Wyatt had left earlier in the morning, your little boy was still very sleepy and cuddly as he first got up, climbing your lap and snuggling you, just like he did it as a small baby, though now time was flying and he was growing more and more each day. You had wrapped your arms around him and played with his soft, growing curls, listening to his calm soft breaths as he fell asleep again. You rested your chin on his head and closed your eyes, happy at the small time you had with him, you missed Wyatt terribly for the past two days, as the two of you were so busy with his party you barely spent time together. Jack walked into the living room, looking good in his clothes, aviators on and his hat in hands, going absolutely silent once he realized his son had fallen asleep.

"Do you want me to leave him here so he can sleep some more?" He suggested it, but you quickly dismissed the idea, you knew how excited Wyatt was to go out with his daddy, he just needed a few minutes to catch up on his sleep.

The cowboy joined you on the couch, his big hand stroking his son's soft curls and watching his sleep features in adoration, his son was absolutely gorgeous, he had taken a lot from you, even if he did have a lot of similarities with his daddy, Jack came to the conclusion he was all you. He smiled at that thought and sighed softly, at the same time Wyatt opened his brown eyes and giggled to see his daddy right there. Neither of you addressed the short, frustrating conversation you had in the hallway the night before, instead you both focused on serving Wyatt breakfast and you helped Jack buckle him up in his Bronco so they could have their boys adventure.

And then you were free to do whatever you wanted. It was definitely a rare moment of your post pregnancy life where you could actually do anything you wanted without having to worry about your son. Even though being a mother meant you would worry about your kid at all times, you trusted Jack knowing he'd keep your son safe. Helen didn't take long to arrive and assured you she would be supervising the cleaning team Jack hired to clean after the party, you could do that without her help, but she was just so kind to you, you thanked her by assuring the woman she could go home right afterwards, no need to cook any meals as you would take care of it.

While you were oddly free, the first thing you decided to do was take a bath. You figured Jack wouldn't mind lending you his tub; you wouldn't make a mess or snoop around his stuff, you just filled the tub, picked your favorite bath bomb and sank your entire body into the water, sounds of relief coming out of your mouth. You couldn't even remember the last time you were able to take such a relaxing bath, at any time you wanted and spending as long as you'd like. Chances were the last time you actually spent some time like that was even before getting pregnant, probably inside Jack's tub as well. You weren't sure if you just closed your eyes and relaxed or if you'd dozed off, but nearly an hour later, you were drying yourself and getting dressed, feeling so good about herself. Looking out the window, you saw that the tables that had crowded the backyard just a day before had gone, the green fields seemed spotless clean, but the inflatables were still there; of course Jack would pay extra to have them for longer so Wyatt would play.

You turned around and picked your riding boots, it was time you paid your beautiful Silver Pony a visit and took her for a ride.

The walk to the stables was fast, you were so used to going in the same direction you were able to just follow it through muscle memory; there was a time you rode horses almost every day, and that didn't necessarily make you good at it, you were decent at best, Jack always made sure to be around and take care of you, though he used to encourage you to try and do it alone, so you would always go with Silver Pony, she wasn't a racing horse, she never sped up and you just loved going out with her. You loved that horse, and she loved you too.

"Hi girl, I missed you" you said excitedly as soon as you eyed her, the horse showing the same excitement to see you, moving her body and motioning her head towards you, so you'd pet her. You chuckled at how sweet your lovely friend was and got the saddle ready, just like the cowboy had taught you to do and in no time you were riding your beloved horse again. Not without attaching your fruit basket to her saddle, an old habit of picking up fresh fruit straight from the trees.

It was a very beautiful day, sunny and warm, and you only cursed under your breath for forgetting the beautiful hat Jack had gifted you. You smiled at the idea of going horseback riding with your son and your cowboy, it would definitely be a good family date, you decided you'd bring it up later that day.

You saw the fence that indicated the end of Jack's property and since you didn't have schedules or responsibility for the day, you just decided to ride further, as you hadn't been around the neighborhood in so long.

You hadn't taken your phone nor a watch so you had no idea how long you've been riding Silver Pony, you passed by the fruit trees, the neighbors' property and you only realized you'd gone far when you saw the cemetery gate. You swallowed hard, knowing this place without ever being there, you knew how long Jack had spent visiting the grave of his late wife and unborn son. He had the habit of visiting them very often, once a week at least, bringing them flowers and spending some time there, talking to them, as it was the only thing that could give his broken heart some comfort. Then, as the years passed and the pain still lingered there, he continued his ritual, only being able to actually reduce it once he met you, then his visits stopped being weekly, but he still felt the need of seeing them. You respected and understood that, even if it seemed a little too depressing at the time, but then, standing so near and yet so far from their grave, you felt an urge to go and see them. It came out of nowhere, you hadn't even thought of Jack's late family, they hadn't crossed your mind in days, but at that very moment you decided you needed to see her grave. You had never even considered doing so, but you would. Tying Silver Pony to a tree so she could relax under the shadows, you picked some wildflowers you found on the grass, feeling weird to walk inside empty-handed.

You weren't bothered by cemeteries, you didn't see the fuss in visiting them, but you didn't avoid it when you had to, seeing it was a simple place, a lot of green fields and flowers, one could say it was even a beautiful place. You walked around paying attention to the tombstones, wanting to find hers, which didn't take very long. Amongst the other simpler ones, hers stood with fresh flowers and a beautiful but sad sculpture of a cherub angel.

Of course Jack would get his wife nothing but the best. You took a step closer and lowered yourself, placing the wildflowers next to the other ones, a little shy at how simple your last minute tribute was, but you could feel she was a kind-hearted woman and wouldn't mind it at all.

"Gabriella Daniels

Loving mother and wife.

Gone but not forgotten"

The inscriptions on her tombstone were simple but it brought you a pang of sadness, watching how beautiful she was in the picture, she should be around Jack's age by then, and yet, she looked younger than you currently were. You'd been her age, but she would never live up to turn your age. It was sad and tragic, even if the date of her passing was more than two decades, it still felt so brutal to know a love was killed at such young stage, under such a painful way. She should've been able to celebrate anniversaries, give birth, watch her baby grow up next to her husband, and yet, it was all taken away from her. From him. From them.

Poor Gabriella was doomed to become forever young in a broken man's heart and mind, turned into memories and dust, while her young husband was doomed to becoming a lonely, brokenhearted man.

You spotted another plaque smaller, but right next to hers, and it shattered your heart.

"Jack Daniels Junior

An angel sent back to heaven"

Perhaps it was because you were now a mother and you witnessed the intense love a mother felt for her son, or just because you knew Jack Daniels and you witnessed the intense love a grieving father felt for his unborn son. But you let out a small sob, the tears insistently falling from your cheeks, as you watched those two tombstones. It might've been the proximity you had with the story, without even knowing them personally, but you were nonetheless affected by it.

However, it was still a distant tragedy, like the ones you often hear about and felt upset for a while, but then you move on, but standing there, in front of their graves, you could feel how real and intense it truly was. You could only think of Jack and the gruesome pain he felt, how your own chest tightened just at the mere thought of going through something similar, about losing him and your son.

It clicked, it all made sense to why he was so desperate about assurance, about a true indicator that he wouldn't lose you or Wyatt, that happiness wouldn't run away from him, escaping through his fingers like sand. Would it be so bad to actually give him a chance? An assurance? He wasn't the monster you had unconsciously built in your nightmares, yes, there was a part of him that was that monster for a while, when he broke your heart and pushed you away, but he had got back on his tracks. You sighed, shaking your head and trying to make a sense out of your thoughts. It was all so confusing and yet, you were so sure, at the undoubtedly uncertainty of life, at the proof nothing really lasted forever and at the realization that if you had a chance to be happy today, you shouldn't waste it thinking of the future that might have not even come,you felt sure of it, of it all.

You sat on the grass more comfortably and wiped your tears softly

"H-hi… I'm sorry, it's a little weird for me to do that… but I know Jack does it and it helps him. I guess you know me and I know you too, Gabriella. I'm very sorry for what happened to you and your beautiful baby boy, your absence was so painful to Jack but we both know he's strong and well, you and your baby Jack will always have a place in his heart. Our cowboy has done some shitty things, to me, and to our son, but he's found his way back to being his old sweet self… he's still a little corny and clueless, but that's part of his charm right?" You chuckled softly "thank you for being so good to him, but now I'll take care of our cowboy…"

You dried your tears and smiled more at yourself as you felt so light, so peaceful at the end of your… conversation.

You rushed to Silver Pony, caressing her head before hopping on your girl again. She took you home at a slow pace, giving you enough time to stop at the peach tree path, so you could pick some of them and take it home. You would make a peach pie for your cowboy, knowing he loved eating it with some vanilla ice cream just like his grandma had taught him to. Just by knowing how excited he would get, it made you happy and eager to get the sweet treat started. You could tell yourself you were just excited to see Jack's reaction at the fact he would enjoy his favorite childhood recipe, but in fact your heart was tightening to see your cowboy, you needed to see him, touch him, talk to him and enjoy the fact the two of you were there alive and well, healthy and happy, with a beautiful son and a bright future ahead.

Once Silver Pony finally reached the gates to Jack's property, you could see the Bronco parked and Wyatt rushing to you, running as fast as his little legs could take him, you got off the horse and placed the basket down, opening your arms to welcome him, embracing your son into a tight hug. You were so lucky to have your son so alive and well, snuggling Wyatt and letting him giggle and tell you all about the awesome day he spent next to his daddy. You nodded and stroked his curls, letting him speak for as long as he wanted, but eventually, he blushed and looked down in shame

"Mommy we have a pwoblem… daddy bought McDonald's fow lunch and he bought nuggies fow you, but I ate them" he said a little ashamed of eating everything and not letting one single nugget left for you. You bit your lips so you wouldn't burst out laughing at how funny and cute that was. Ruffing your hair, you let your son know it was alright.

Then you picked up your basket and rushed to Jack, who gave you a shy smile, not having enough time to say anything at all, as you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him deeply.

Whiskey didn't expect it, but as soon as your lips touched, he unconsciously glued your bodies together, not resisting you, there, so close to him. His hand gripping you at the same time you could see his confused expression, but you just shrugged.

"The answer is yes"

"What?"

"You know what question I'm talking about, cowboy, the answer is yes" you winked at him and caressed his smooth cheek.

Before Jack could add anything else, you grabbed his hat, placing it on your head and smirked

"Cowboy hat rule, Mr.Daniels"

____

A/N: I really hope you enjoy it besties, you are the whole reason why this cowboy gets so much love 🥺❤️

[raelle-writing]

Hey 👋

What do you think about tee's character?! This character is so confusing he cares for white a lot and protects him but he did worse things to non. We know he also needed money for his father. What do you think about him and how white and tee met and fell in love. Tee only listens to white and also what you think about white ? Is he only related to the group because he's tee's boyfriend. Tbh I'm loving their couple,their chemistry is so good. 🫠

Thank you so much for this question!!! I actually find Tee's character entirely fascinating tbh - he's a bully but he shows these moments of complete and utter humanity that I find really sympathetic and compelling.

Like I'll never justify what he does to Non - framing him for breaking the camera and then using that debt that he manufactured to pull Non into money laundering isn't exactly excusable. But I find it so interesting that while we see Tee doing all of these insane things, we also see these little moment of humanity throughout. Like when it's made clear that Tee is mostly working with his shady uncle to help get money for his dad - we don't know what kind of medical treatment his dad is undergoing, but clearly something severe that costs a lot to treat.

Tee is in arguably just as desperate a position as Non (if not more desperate). He's stuck needing money, dragged into illegal activity by his uncle, in too deep to get out. Does that excuse him being a manipulative bully? Of course not. But it's fascinating to me because it would've been SO easy to make Tee a non-sympathetic character, and yet we see all of this depth to him.

We're also shown that he didn't want to get any of his friends involved in the money laundering, including Non. He knew it was bad and illegal, and he didn't do it until he was completely and utterly backed into a corner, until he'd exhausted literally every other alternative and his uncle gave him an ultimatum.

Which is interesting because you think he wouldn't hesitate to pull in Non even before that, since he doesn't like Non. But he does hesitate. It shows that he has some ethics, and some sense that what he's doing has the potential to ruin whoever is involved. And he doesn't want to ruin Non, despite disliking him and picking on him at school.

Of course, he reverses this action by proceeding to get Non involved. And then, when Non goes to get the rest of their friend group involved, he backs Non up. But not because he's greedy, but because his uncle is shorting him left and right and he still doesn't have the money for his father's medication OR to pay Non.

Tee's position is parallel to Non's. He needs the money. He's into illegal shit he doesn't want to be in, but is forced in deeper every day by the people pulling the strings. And he, like Non, is just a kid. He shouldn't have to be discussing money laundering with his uncle at 17 years old to help pay for his father's medical bills.

And even though Tee continues being a dick to Non throughout the past (even going so far as to help his uncle make Non disappear), he shows hesitance at every turn when his uncle demands things of him, and he tries (weakly) to defend Non when his uncle starts saying Non is a police spy.

And after he brings Non to his uncle and Non "disappears," Tee can't stop himself from asking what happened to Non. Tee doesn't even like Non, and yet he still shows clear signs of fear and upset at the thought that Non might be dead. Because he knows he'd be complicit? Maybe. But he's also a teenage kid caught up in illegal things against his will. He might genuinely feel bad about it. His expression certainly conveys more than just guilt...

Does any of this balance out the bad things he does throughout the past? Of course not. He's still a shitty person and should be in jail for the part he played in Non's disappearance. But he's also fascinatingly sympathetic in the way he's forced into all of these actions. He clearly doesn't want to be doing any of the things he's done, but feels as though he has no choice. Either because his uncle will hang him out to dry for the police, or because he still needs the money for his father's treatment.

That said, I don't find Tee's treatment of White in the present dissonant to his character in the slightest. To me, it's clear that Tee is the type of person who cares deeply about those close to him, he just doesn't let a lot of people get close because he's experienced far too much pain and manipulation at the hands of his family. Tee is soft with White, but more than that, he's devastated when he learns that Por has died.

Tee cares. He cares a lot. He cares about White, he cares about Por. He arguably cares more about himself since he often abandons White during stressful situations, and is more concerned about what White will think of what they did to Non than he is about what he actually did to Non. But I think that he knows he had no choice (or at least, in his eyes he had no choice) in what happened to Non.

Anyway, this got long ahahaha I just find Tee's characterization to be so interestingly done. He's one of the most deeply complex characters in the entire show, and shout out to JJay for conveying all of his complexities so well, he's an amazing actor.

As for White... well. White is still a question mark for me personally. I wrote a theory previously that White could be Non's brother New, and I still think that's a possibility. I've also seen a wild theory floating around that White is actually Non himself, he's just gotten plastic surgery.

It's possible that White is exactly what he appears to be, a mostly-innocent bystander. Especially since White defends Tee when the others talk about thinking Tee did something bad to Non, and shows clear horror when Tee talks about burning Dang's corpse.

I'm not sure exactly how Tee and White met, but I think they're pretty compatible. White wants someone to take care of him, and Tee likes having someone look up to him. Tee also has a lot of love and care to show, he just doesn't/can't do it easily because of his history.

Because I find Tee sympathetic, I kind of hope that White isn't using Tee as part of the revenge plan (though I know a lot of people want that) because I find the idea of the one person Tee has opened up to turning around to betray him that way completely heartbreaking. But I also know that within the narrative, Tee is the villain. He's the main catalyst to everything bad that happened to Non, so it wouldn't surprise me if the story has set up exactly some twist like that happening to him for revenge. We'll have to see where the story takes us but personally, I think they're cute together right now!

[riddlerosehearts]

there's so many things i love about the twst anthology manga. it's honestly more fun to me as a fan of the game than the regular manga is, because as much as i love seeing how they adapt the scenes from the game and the little things they add (like getting to see baby riddle, trey, and chenya hanging out 🥺), the anthology is essentially like... extra vignettes, in manga form. some chapters are expansions of the vignettes from the game, but most of it is totally new, and sometimes it provides really neat bits of character exploration?

like, in one of my favorite chapters from the first volume. actually, i'm mainly only posting this as an excuse to talk about this chapter, "a blessing on our unbirthday":

in that chapter, riddle has been so worried about trying not to crack down as hard on rule violations that he ends up exhausted because he lost sleep over it! he says he's worried that that tendency of his might be ingrained in him for good, and it just breaks my heart thinking about how he so deeply wants to break the cycle and shed the excessive strictness and perfectionism that his mother instilled in him, but it's so hard. it's hard to have your worldview challenged so suddenly, to realize overnight that you've been doing things so wrong for such a long time and that all you can do now is try your best to change and improve. it's hard to know that you've hurt people when you never meant to, when you genuinely thought what you were doing was right. it must be especially hard when you're just a teenager who was doing what your parents have been teaching you to do since you were a small child. of course riddle is losing sleep.

but while he's walking through the hallway, thinking about how exhausted he is and how worried he still is, ace shows up. they banter a bit, but then ace very quickly realizes that riddle isn't feeling well and picks up on the fact that he's pushing himself too hard. he tells riddle to slow down and relax, and hilariously tries to manipulate him into deciding to hold an unbirthday party by going on about how maybe they should just have one without him and break a ton of rules while he's not there.

this makes riddle angry, of course, and results in him mentally beating himself up for almost losing his temper. :( but what ace is trying to do works! riddle instinctively gets riled up at his words, angrily reprimands him a bit, and nearly uses his unique magic on him... but ace cuts him off mid-sentence, which throws him off so that he doesn't use it. and then, in his inner thoughts, while he is panicking and sweating and getting upset with himself, he's also managed to stop before he made a big mistake, and now has a chance to reflect and acknowledge that mistake. he knows that it would've been irrational and wrong of him to collar ace just for saying that he might break a few rules.

and all of that is already really important and shows a lot of growth on his part! but then ace responds by telling him he's being too hard on himself and that it's okay to take small steps instead of trying to completely change right away, and riddle is instantly relieved and settles on trying to make everything perfect for the party. before, when ace first proposed the idea, he'd seemed uninterested and like he didn't realize just how badly he needed to take his mind off things. but this time he listens, and understands that ace just might be right, and the story ends on a very fun and sweet note.

and it's just so good. riddle has such great dynamics with each of his dormmates, and i love seeing how his relationship with ace has grown. i really hate when people get mad at ace for demanding a tart and a party at the end of book 1, because riddle treated ace in particular horribly and needed to be held accountable for it. he really could've asked for far more from riddle or still not forgiven him considering that riddle, like, actually could have killed him while overblotted. and i also really hate when people characterize riddle as still being constantly angry after book 1, and/or don't acknowledge everything he did at the end of book 1 to try and apologize for his actions and make an effort to change. he's one of the only overblotters to actually verbally apologize, and i should also add that he did what ace asked of him without question... and had a good time with it, because he likes tarts and parties! i think it's notable how at the end of book 1, riddle had literally just expressed that he had wanted to eat the tart ace made for him and hang out with his friends, so ace basically asked him to do exactly that along with having to do the hard work that would be involved in it.

and now, they're genuine friends. they've allowed themselves to start over with a clean slate, and in this anthology chapter we see that ace can comfort riddle and have fun with him without holding the past against him, and once again is helping him out of a rough spot by convincing him to have a party. i just love it, i love what this chapter says about riddle and what it says about him and ace. i really hope we get a third volume of the anthology someday, with group art of the third years on it since the first two volumes have the first and second years on them:

and i hope they get officially released in english someday too because i would really love to be able to own them.

[small-sinclair]

Yours

A dabble based off @visceravalentines’s idea. Never wrote something like this, so it might be a borderline smut as the end? Might not be?? I don't know. I just wanted to try it out. Please let me know if I should write something like this again? Or not.

Bo x fem!reader

Tw: reader was his friend, slight mentions of sex, a bit of a slow burn, blood, fighting, mention of killings, marking

Welcomed readers: @lovely-cryptid and @fluffy-little-demon

When you first asked, you were in his chair in the basement, and he laughed at you. You were down stairs for a couple weeks now, your eyes looking over the photos of the woman before you, and you frown. You wondered how many girls he let kiss his skin with love and tender, but you thought you would be the first. Besides, you and him were friends before you had to leave Ambrose years ago. Being back and learning about his new life... your feeling for him never falter or changed.

Seeing his blue eyes and hearing his voice... he wasn't that wild teenager anymore that you once knew. He was more experience with life, knowing more about hate than love, more about death than life, more about blood and the workings of flesh than breathing. You hoped he was looking forward to seeing you again or just seeing a friend, but you were here in a chair, taped and tied to the handles. Though you should be scared and freaked out, you were oddly calm. Something in your head said that he still loved you, than he trusts you, but even wolves have to stock their loved one before they go for the kill, for their love, for their pound of flesh and blood.

Even when you were in high school, you two would jokingly leave marks on each other just to piss off your parents along with Trudy. Trudy never liked you, but you could give two shits less about her. When you came back, he wasn't too happy to see you. You didn't blamed him; you left town with your family without telling him. He still holds that forever and a day now, and you were okay with how upset he got. You didn't blame him, though, but you didn't think he would tie you to a chair. Now, when you asked if him if you could leave a little hickie on his neck, he laughed and shook his head before getting angry.

“Ya think I’m yours? HA!” He clicked his tongue and shook his head. “You should know better than that. Look where you're at, girl! You think I'll ever let you?" Bo stood over your tired body and tightened the restrains. "Nah... you don't deserve to mark me, to fuck me."

Bo stepped back from the chair and started to leave for upstairs. You swallowed hard, saying, "I love you, Beauregard."

He looks behind him, smirked, and shook his head. "No, ya don't love me, girl." He spat, "If ya really loved me, ya would've tol' me ya were leavin!" He slams and locks the door.

------------

The warm summer sun kissed your skin as you sat outside the of the shop. Bo's finally let you out for fresh air, and you were thankful.

It's been about two months since you were down stairs, and you gotten used to seeing his moods. There was Angry Bo, where he would yell at you, but he never laid a hand on you. He was close to once, making you flinch in the chair, but his hand lowered and he left the room. Then there was Normal Bo, where he could come down to feed you and give you water. He talked but never for long to become too attached, telling you the weather, the day, and a recap of the evening news from the night before. Sex God Bo, one of your favorite moods, where he would treat you like you were the coldest glass of water in the middle of a sand wasteland, and he did everything and anything to make you feel good along with himself. Drunk Bo, where he was emotional and talked about everything like how he was scared of killing people but he's used to it now, wishing that he wouldn't have nightmares of the brutal kills. Happy Bo, where he would come down to the basement in smiles and brightness. He would free your wrist and kiss the scars, that started to match his, and he would let you talk, hanging on every word as you told him about your adventures outside of Ambrose. Finally, Emotional Sober Bo, where he was more open about his emotions or just needed someone to tell him that he was a good person. That's when you realized his mind and mental health needed help.

He gave you a sundress that he picked off a victim last week, and it fit you perfectly. The cherries over the cream colored fabric felt soft against your skin, and you smiled. You sat outside in an old rocking chair while he was working on a car with the garage door open. He was standing in the sun as he worked over the hood. Music played from inside, playing hard rock and metal. He gave you some newspapers from the town over to read. Even though they are a couple days old, you read over each section.

"Oh, looks like there's a farmer's market this weekend," you said aloud.

Bo glanced over his shoulder at you then back to the engine. "Yeah? Might ask Les to bring back strawberries an' oranges."

"I think it's too early for oranges," you hummed, folding over the page to read the notices. "Maybe raspberries, but not oranges."

Since he let you out, the conversations between you two were comfortable.

"Raspberries?" Bo hummed. "Shit, I haven't had 'em in a while." His hands mover over some parts then grasped a tool, starting on removing the fan belt.

You read farther down and made a surprised hum. "Looks like Les made the paper."

Bo looked over to you and wiped his hands with he dirty red rag. He moves from the car to stand next to you. "Yeah? Where?"

You pointed at the picture. "Fishing tournament from last weekend."

He placed a hand on the back of the chair and leaned down to get a better look. The smell of oil and sweat mixed the air and circled you like a hawk over a mouse. "Would ya look at 'at," he hummed, his eyes brighter from the sweat. He leaned his head to the side as he read over the caption. "Seems like he won."

"Remember when he thought he caught the Loch Ness Monster in the creek?" You giggled, the memory of a younger Lester playing. "And Vincent pushed him in the water?"

He caught himself laughing at the memory. "That was a great summer," he hummed, his smile bright. Then it faded as he looked back at you as if he remembered your reason of being here. He leaned up from the chair then back at the paper.

He was so close to you, so close to his lips to steal a kiss, to steal his heart forever. He will never look at you the same as golden rays touch your hair, your eyes shining in the Ambrose sunlight. If he felt your lips now, how could he claim himself? How could his anger towards you stop burning? No... he can't. Not now when the car hood is up and the radio is playing a slow song. No. He can't let you take him like this town has. His soul was all he had left. How could he trust you not to leave again? His hand traced through your hair, his blue eyes lingering over the golden glitter.

Bo turned on his heel and went back to the car.

"I love you, Beauregard," you sung, a sweet grin over your lips.

He glanced back at your from over his shoulder then back at the car. "Shut up, y/n. Ya don't." He lit a cigarette and started working again.

-------------------

The Louisiana in the winter finally came, reaching a solid 30 degree at night. You're no longer in the garage, and you're now in the Sinclair. You were curled up against the warm blankets in Bo's bed, shaking under the covers. The two memories flashed in your mind while you tried to sleep, but you grew use to having Bo sleeping next to you in during windy nights like this.

When you heard Bo's steps coming up the steps, and the bedroom door opened. You heard him starting to undress himself, changing out of his work clothing. He shot two people tonight before the ice rain came, so it made it ever so harder to move his shoulders. The bitter cold always hurt his shoulders.

You slowly lifted your head as he slid into sleeping pants, keeping his shirt off for the night. There for fresh bruises from the fights today, making him wince as he moved. You rubbed your eyes as you looked at the fresh marks over him, the cuts and scrapes turning your stomach. He rubbed his eye and groaned as he moved from the dresser to the bed, limping slightly.

"Bo?"

"'M'okay," he lied. "Go t'sleep." He moved slowly as he walked to his side of the bed. "'M fine."

You turned on your side as he sat on the edge of the bed, breathing heavily. The marks over his skin darken and swirled over him. You turned over to turn on the bedside light and looked back at him. Your stomach flipped at the sight of his skin. "Oh... Bo," you sighed sadly. You moved from your side of the bed and crawled behind him. "You're hurt."

"I said sleep, y/n," he snapped tiredly. "Don't worry."

"Let me take a look at you."

"No--"

You sat next to him and got up, ignoring his protest, and stood in front of him. Your face fell as you looked at his blacken eye, a hand print burned into his skin, and his shoulders harden from welts from being hit. His the old scars on his wrist were open and bleeding.

"Oh, Bo," you felt your heartbreaking as you took his hands.

He snapped them away. "Don't touch me!"

"You're hurt!" You reached up and took his hands again, hard and forceful. "We gotta wrap them."

"I just want to sleep!" He almost sounded like he was begging. Was he begging you right now?

"And I want to make sure you're okay and not bleeding all over the sheets!"

Bo took a deep breath then let it out. "Yer not my mother."

"Yeah, well, you make feel like one," you took looked over his hands. "Jeez, Bo! What happened?"

"Nothin'--"

"Don't lie to me," your eyes looked up at him, locking in a dangerous stare. "This doesn't look like nothing! Bo, what happened?" He bit his lower lip and looked away, breathing hitching and falling like rocks over the side of a mountain. You took a better look at the wrist and you felt sick. Those aren't old marks. Those are fresh, new. They're new. "Oh goodness, Bo!" You looked up at him in shock. "They put you in the chair."

"Shut up," he spat, his hands starting to shake. "Shut up, y/n."

You thought about his old high chair in the House of Wax and the memories while growing up. You knew something was going on at his home with between him and his parents. You knew that they would tie him down and scar him. The photos, the medical journals you found in Victor's office with details on how to treat Bo's anger, his scars. You knew.

"Let me help you."

"I don't need ya!"

You gripped his hands. "Yes, you do. You need help! Please, Bo," your sad eyes met his misty blues, "let me help you."

He clinched his jaw as his mind thought over killing you, but it would leave him lonely and by himself. Yeah, he had his brothers, but the memories that you two had and the thought of you... no, he's not attached. He's not. But your warm hands over his cold hands somehow made him feel safe in his own room for the first time. Finding you there ever night in his room, sleeping or awake reading a book in his bed, he's grown too used and longing for you. He hated it, but the very idea of angry or thoughts of harming you made him sick. What did you do to him?

He nodded over his shoulder to the bathroom. "First-aid's under the sink."

You smiled and stood up to get the supplies you needed.

As you worked, you two stayed silent as you worked over his wrists. He would flinch now and then while you cleaned and wrapped his wrists. You were careful not to hurt him even more, and, once you were finished, you laid his wrists down on his lap to put the band-aid box away. His fingers traced over your work carefully, thoughts running through his head as if he was thinking of ways to say 'thank you', to say anything. You came back and sat next to him.

"It's cold out there, lover boy," you said as you folded your hands over your lap. "You gotta be more careful."

He takes in a deep breath then let it out slowly. "Worry I won't come back?"

"More worry that you'll, well," you sighed and undid your hair to put it back up again. "I'm scared that you'll be hurt worse than this. I hate it when your bruised up by those people."

He couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Bet you still wanna mark me."

"Don't threaten me with a good time." Your eyes went big as soon as those words left your lips. You blushed as you looked away from him, but his hand brought your head back to meet his eyes.

"Is that so?" He hummed, watching you nodded slowly. "Well, goodness me," he chuckled, shaking his head. "We were kids doin' 'at." You felt him tower over you, his weight pushing you to be under him. He brought his hands to be on each side of your body, his face hovering over you. He smiles then said, "How could I thank ya fer helpin' me?"

You looked at his eyes then at his chest, trailing down to his stomach. He knew what you wanted, but he just needed to hear it.

"Could... could I mark you?" You swallowed the lump on his throat. "Leave a hickie like old times?"

A devilish smirk formed. "We did 'at to piss off our parents," he leaned down, his lips dangerously close. "Who do ya plan on pissin' off?"

You closed your eyes as the butterflies flew like a storm under your skin. Your hands wrapped around his neck to test the waters, your eyes never leaving his. Something about his gaze didn't feel dangerous or warning like normally. Instead, they were burning with an obsessives of thoughts of you over him, you taking him, you being near his bleeding, burning, aching heart.

"Never belonged to anyone, girl," he drawled, his voice echoing throughout his body, sending shivers over your skin. "Never once did I belong. Always someone else's."

"Feeling lost?" You asked, your hand ghosting over the little scar on his chin. He got it when he fought a bully who picked on his brothers. "Told all your life this body ain't yours," you voice was a whisper as your thumb brushed away tiredness from the bags under his eyes. "How long have you lost?"

There was a flicker of light in his eyes as he looked away, his thoughts racing until he found his voice. "Since you left." He rested his head against the crook of your neck, leaving a trail of kisses over your skin and collar bone. "Make me yours again?" He murmurs against your shirt. "Just for tonight? Make me feel like I belong?"

You ran careful fingers over the bruises from the fights, feeling the hidden scars that the town left on his body. He was a road map of misery and trauma. The pain that he holds must be weighing on his shoulders like how Atlas holds the world. How tired is he?

Kiss him good night to soothe his aching bones and take him out of his misery.

You were careful to turn his head to see another faded scar on his neck. Doesn't he get tired of fighting? Of moving and breathing? Ambrose has a tight hold around his throat, so it has to be hard to breathe above the blood and decaying bones under wax and strings. Still, he was yours, and you would treasure him no matter his state. Underneath all that trauma and scars, bones and all, he was a scared boy looking for someone to hold his hand, to find his place among the living and dead.

Licking your lips, you kiss his neck gently to tease the waters. When he relaxed to your touch, you let your lips kiss over his skin, kissing the bruises and faded scars that Ambrose left on him, a roadmap of his mother's wishes and lashes. You lifted him up as you left a trail of marks and hearts, filling each with love and tenderness from his jaw down to his stomach, kissing over the faded bullet wound from a time before you, taking care to make sure he knew how much you loved him, how much you craved him. You laid him on his back and listened to him puff out gasps as your lips trailed farther down to his hips. There were burn marks from spilled waxed jars, burns and scars you thought he never had. You left traces of yourself over him, his cheeks redden over the touches.

Somehow, you left him breathless, and the near thought of it drove him over the edge. He imagined what his life would be like if he put a ring on your finger and he gets to call you by his name, forever coming home to someone that saw him beyond a monster, beyond a killer. This wasn't his body; it's yours.

All yours.

You crawled up and hung over his lips. "I love you, Beauregard."

His hands reached up, touching your face and hair. The anger he once felt for you washed away as soon as you breathed his name. His real name. He finally understood the lines and sunrises you were excited for. Once, you stood in the field of wildflowers, and you were smiling at him. He didn't understand then, but he does now. He knows.

"I love you more, y/n," he promised. He found his place, his mark, his hold in your gaze as he leaned up to steal a kiss, pulling you down in a tight embrace, but he was so careful not to harm you. "I love you," he breathed near your ear then placed a kiss. "I love you. I love you. I love you, y/n. I love you." He could get drunk off you, feeling every chain he had of you go, breaking from years of rust. "I love you."

"I love you, Beauregard," you said again, smiling against his lips., kissing the scar over his lip.

He was yours. All yours.

[wzy3ka]

| Enemies to lovers⋆.ೃ࿔*:･|| N.RK (니키)

Pairing✧.* non idol!niki x reader

Contains✧.* swearing, drinking (for this fic reader and niki are 19)

Context: enemies to lovers ✧.*

Niki got under your skin in a way no one else could. it was like everything he did annoyed you.

Sometimes you just wish If he could shut to be a mute boy rather than been a boy bitch-

That's what you call him.

whenever you went out, there he was, literary a glue on your side-

every time he greeted you, there was some sarcastic remark, or an insult mixed with it. you couldn't stand him.

Tonight was no different than other nights.

you met your friends at the club, instantly greeting them when you walked inside.

you shot niki a glance, not bothering to say hello to him.

The sea of teenagers with imbalanced hormones was everywhere.

You could go like this all night long, feet moving to the crazy beat as they belong to the music.

You moved in your dress like your hips were made to sway, the sequins catching the disco ball light that twirls above - launching

every shade of the rainbow.

the night carried on, you and your friends had a blast, taking shots and dancing most of the night.

that was until you finally needed a break, your feet were killing you.

you stumbled over to the bar, taking a seat on one of the stools, ordering a drink when someone slid into the stool next to you.

you turned your head slightly to see who it was and there was the boy- bitch, also ordering a drink.

you decided to ignore and not engage in conversation with him, not really craving a headache at that moment.

"surprised you came here today."

Niki started up a conversation, something you wanted to prevent.

"fuck off niki." you shot back which only made him chuckle.

"didn't know you hated me that much, y/n.

"Gald you know that now"

"ouch, that one hurt. you could've denied it, save me the heartache?"

"aww, poor baby. i prefer honesty, sorry if you don't."

Niki stayed silent after your comment, his eyes scanning over you. it made you shift, wanting to get up and leave.

you were about to speak up about the way he was obviously looking at you until you heard someone call your name.

You turned your head towards the source of the sound- just to find your friends for a few months, flirting was something you did regularly.

you weren't sure if he liked you or if he was just extremely friendly.

"jungwon! what a nice surprise." you greeted, immediately giving him a smile.

Niki raised a brow at your immediate enthusiasm when you saw jungwon.

he would've rolled his eyes if he was sure no one would've saw him.

"it's nice to see you! you look great."

Niki wasn't sure if he cringed, gagged, or both at Jungwon’s attempt at flirting with you.

it, however, looked like you were enjoying it by the way your smile widened.

"i could say the same fo-" you didn't even get to finish your sentence when a blonde came up and wrapped her arms around jungwon.

"there you are, baby! I was looking for you." she said. baby?

"y/n, right, this is my girlfriend." jungwon introduced you. you had to stop your mouth from dropping at the word girlfriend.

he has a girlfriend.

"oh. oh! it's, uh, great to meet you. you two look adorable together." you complimented,

trying your best not to seem upset.

"don't we?" the blonde said, giving you what seemed to be a fake smile.

"and…and there's someone i want you to meet!" you made up, making jungwon’s head tilt.

"yeah, who?" he asked.

you turned around, eyes meeting Niki's. "this is my boyfriend, Niki!"

Niki stared at you, almost not catching on at first. "Oh! yeah, that's me."

he looked up towards jungwon and his girlfriend, sending them a smile. they shook hands and the blonde just seemed to be relieved.

after introductions, Jungwon was pulled away by his girlfriend which you weren't complaining about.

you felt like an idiot and now, you felt like an even bigger one for bringing him into your lie.

letting out a breath you didn't even know you were holding in, you chugged down the rest of your drink, cringing at the bitter taste.

when you looked back at niki, a smirk painted his lips-

"so, boyfriend huh?"

you signed while passing hand through your hair, you appeared stressed to Niki, which made himself say the next words-

"hey, you did a great job." he said while walking up to you, before he realized what he had just said- was he comforting you?

"in my defense, that was not supposed to come out."

"Eh, it's fine, pretty boy."

"pretty boy?" he raised a brow at the nickname.

"well. it's only fair that i make you flustered after you did it to me."

"go out with me."

you looked up at him in shock, almost not believing that he really said that to you.

"excuse me?" you blurted, almost giggling at how straight forward that was.

"go out with me"

"to think i thought you were such shy, adorable man-child”

"man-child?" Niki ultimately ignored the shy & adorable part because to some degree, you were correct.

"you heard me."

"you know what I heard first though? shy and adorable so i'm gonna guess that's a yes on that date."

"you sure you deserve it?" tilting your head, you crossed your arms with a slightly challenging tone.

"positive, pretty lady"

Ty for reading,I hope you enjoyed <3

[leahblackk]

Down For You

summary: Spencer and Reader go to a party. Spencer quickly realised how much he loves her.

based on down for you by ruel

warnings: mentions of alcohol. a little bit of grumpy/mean spencer, but that’s all

couple: Spencer x fem!reader

taglist: @ssavanessa22, @all-tings-diego, @matthew-gray-gubler-lover, @nomajdetective, @cance1medaddy, @doctorspenceryeet, @hey-dw

You said we'd just drop by

But I wasn't invited

You'd already decided

That I was coming too

Y/n and Spencer had their fourth date that beautiful night. Spencer was driving, Y/n mentioned dropping something off before they headed to the doctors apartment, something about a friend of hers needing something.

Spencer didn't mind, only that he has never been invited to those kinds of parties, if it was something, Y/n was the extrovert of the relationship. She had tons of friends, which Spencer envied and was jealous about. He envied because he never had that, and was jealous because so many people knew her. He wanted to be the only one, as selfish as it sounds.

They went to a library for their fourth date, Spencer had the courage to invite her out, but hasn’t had the courage to confess his feelings to her, which makes the situation more complicated. He wants to be able to tell her how much he loves her, and how much she means to him, yet he can't.

“Are you sure I should come in too?” Spencer asked, as he parked in front of the house. Music blasting and people cheering was all he heard. It felt like one of those teenage movies he had seen.

“Completely sure. Plus we'll just drop by,” she said.

Spencer grabbed the beers from the back of the car, and Y/n a bag of something he didn't know what it was, but was 99% sure it was pads, otherwise what would've been so important for her friend?

Y/n got out of the car and walked inside, waiting for the still nervous Spencer. He looked down at his watch, it marked twelve am. He wondered why people made parties so late.

“Look, I don't wanna pressure you to go inside…”

He shook his head before she talked any further, “I don't wanna leave you alone.”

She smiled sweetly at him and walked inside. Her friend,- who Spencer supposed was the one she was talking to on the phone-, was the first one to approach her. Asking her if she had what she asked for. Y/n took a pack of condoms out of the bag and her friends took them and ran away.

Spencer tried not so hard to say something.

I can't stand all these people

All trying to please you

They don't even see you

The way I do

Spencer rolled his eyes once more when another of Y/ns friends tried to offer her all kinds of beers. Didn't they know she doesn't drink? And when she did, she didn't like the bitter kind of beer, she liked the fruit flavored one.

They tried so hard to please her yet they don't even know what she likes.

She promised they'd just drop the things and leave, but she couldn't when people were trying to talk to her all the time. Spencer stood by her side, knowing she wouldn't like it if he left.

As she talked, she looked his way from now and then, making sure he was still there.

He smiled sweetly at her, when her eyes were trying to apologize over and over again.

He sighed, he really really wanted to be in his apartment, with her.

“So Y/n would you want this beer…”

Two AM, haven't left

No one cares, just me, I guess

But I can't leave you

He looked at his watch, and sighed at the time. Two hours they've been there, two hours and he just wants to leave already. He looks at everyone, he's the only bitter one sitting on the couch while Y/n is standing talking to some more people.

He looks at the door, wanting to run away and leave, but he looks at her, and she smiles at him and he can't. He just can't.

Even though he knows he can just leave and he knows she'd get a ride from one of her friends and she wouldn't be upset cause she'd understand why he left in the first place, he knows he can just walk away but he can't, he really can't leave her.

He doesn't know what it is, it's like she has some kind of power over him. It's like he'd do things for her without her needing to ask.

He walks to her, seeing her tremble a little, and putting a his cardigan on her shoulders. She smiles back at him.

“I'm so sorry I promise I'm trying to get rid of these people but it's like they can't leave me,” she chuckles.

It's because she's that kind, it's because she isn't how he is, he'd just leave, but she can't.

“It's okay, there's no rush, Take your time, I'll wait for you,” he sincerely says.

She shakes her head, “You can leave if you want…”

“I'll wait for you.”

And I can't find the patience

For all the conversations

And all of these blank faces

I should leave, I haven't yet

But when you smile, I just forget

But I can stay a while, I guess

Spencer nods as someone is talking to him, to be honest, he doesn't even know what they're saying. He's not paying attention, and neither he wants to. He's tired of this. He knows these kinds of people, he knows they are the ones that tell you compliments and then judge you as soon as you turn your back, so why would he even take the time? He's not like her. He doesn't have patience.

“Are you even listening to me?” The guy asks.

Spencer shakes his head, “Nope.”

The guy scoffs and leaves, Spencer couldn't care less as he stares at the black painted fences in front of him.

They're not even painted well, some white in the corners showing. He doesn't know why he's so annoyed at that, or maybe he knows.

He 's jealous.

He's jealous of all these people taking her away from him, they had talked a few small words throughout the night and that annoys him.

He's jealous that everyone talks to her like they know her when they don't. They really really dont.

They don't know her like he does, and that annoys him.

The stupid loud music playing in the background annoys him and the fact that he can’t tell her that he loves her annoys him too.

I wasn't gonna say nothing

But I'm about to break something

How you gonna take all of my time

You know that I hate this place

But if you wanna stay, I do too.

Cause I'm so down for you.

Spencer sighed relieved as Y/n said her goodbyes to her friends. He awkwardly stands there, waiting for her. Y/n smiles and unconsciously holds his hand.

“Let's get out of here before they say something more,” she drags him to the car, in which they get in. Spencer starts driving, yet he doesn't speak. That little gesture made his brain suddenly stop working.

Y/n notices that, and she nervously bites her lip, debating on whether she did wrong or not. She knows Spencer isn't a big fan of physical contact, in fact, he's a germaphobe, she isn't sure if he's upset at her.

“Are you still going to my apartment?” He finally speaks.

She nods, “If you don't mind.”

And the rest of the ride is silent. Neither of them know what to say.

They go up the stairs, silence, silence and the sound of the footsteps it's all they can hear. When they reach Spencer's door, she sighs.

“Spencer, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to grab your hand. I should've asked first and maybe you're mad at me but I just…”

Spencer stops her, for the third time that night, and kisses her, cupping her face. She smiles sweetly against his lips which make him smile back, he's quickly pulling her in, as she wasn't close enough. His hands on her back and hers up in his hair, messing it up. That's all she ever wanted to do.

“I love you, and-and seeing you with all those people made me realize I want to be the only one who gets to really know you. I want to hold your hand and run away from your stupid friends, please, let me be that. I'm so down for you,” Spencer confessed, finally.

She smiles, and kisses him back.

That's her answer.

[knightinink]

Blitzo & Fizzarolli: Some Character Analysis

I've been thinking about this ever since ep7 came out, & the scene of a teenage Blitzo & Fizzarolli walking home after the Mammon concert has revealed a part of their relationship dynamic when they were younger.

Wherever Blitzo goes, Fizz will follow, & Blitzo protects him from danger.

Just from watching them, it's apparent to me that between the two of them, Fizz is a lot more self-conscious & sensitive than Blitzo is, and is a more "wears his heart on his sleeve" type of person. Fizz strikes me as someone who would want to help someone if he could, even if it makes him uncomfortable (ex: the fizz-bots Mammon wanted). Fizz could very easily get himself stuck in situations he doesn't particularly want to be in, as he doesn't stick up for himself.

One reason he & Blitzo go together so well is because Blitzo does, & we've seen that during their interaction with Creepzo. Fizz is immediately uncomfortable & Blitzo notices, & he starts threatening the guy to beat it or he's gonna make him swallow his fangs. But Fizz doesn't pull away, clearly not wanting this interaction to be happening right now, but it's like he doesn't know how to say "no", and eventually just ends it with "We have to go now, thanks though!" in a falsely-polite tone.

I LOVE this next short scene because of Fizz's body language.

Fizz is still hunched inwards & hugging himself, clearly uncomfortable & attempting to self-soothe, but he looks back at the guy as he forlornly screams his name. This gives me the impression that Fizz feels bad for making the guy upset, and even though he was being a massive creep, Fizz would've possibly turned back to apologize & would work something out with the guy to make him feel better (i.e. what I think happened with both Cash & Mammon, as both are manipulative to get what they want & Blitzo wasn't there to stop them).

But when he looked back at Blitzo & noticed he hadn't stopped walking, he quickly kept by him, as if seeing his best friend ignore the guy snapped him out of what would've been a very dangerous decision, & Fizz kept going.

& we see that Blitzo's instincts were correct to get Fizz out of there, because as soon as he leaves, Creepzo drops the sad act & starts angrily hurling insults at Fizz, showing his true nature.

"Fine, fuck you! You think you're better than me you elitist prick? Your act's fucking trash anyways!"

& while this comment clearly upsets Fizz, he keeps on following Blitzo away from the danger, trusting the other imp to keep him safe. Once they're away from the immediate threat, it's time for Blitzo to do damage control.

We can tell from Fizz's body language that, even though he's this successful & renowned circus performer, he's still really self-conscious & doesn't think he's as good as he is. He's been working to get where he is for practically his entire life, & still it only takes one person's nasty comment to bring him crashing down.

"What if my acts are trash? What if I'm never good enough?"

"Hey, don't let one asshole get to you, okay? You are plenty good enough!"

Blitzo isn't just saying that to make Fizz feel better in the moment, he's saying it because he genuinely means it, & he knows just how good the other imp is at what he does, even if he doesn't see it. Blitzo cares so much about Fizzarolli, & hates seeing him upset, which is why his next instinct after the danger is gone is to comfort & reassure him.

I think that, as a teenager himself, Blitzo is also self-conscious to a degree (& we see him spiral into his self-hatred tendencies as an adult & that had to start somewhere), but he's much better at concealing it than Fizz is. We know people's opinion of him (aka. Cash) & how Creepzo didn't acknowledge him as a performer at the same circus Fizz works for, so it's assumed that people know he isn't as good as Fizz is. And while it hurts him, Blitzo has been toughened by the world in a different way than Fizz has, hence why he reacts the way he does.

They were both forced to grow up too fast, being circus performers from their childhood & in their teenage years & being hardened by the world comes with that, but it affected Blitzo & Fizz differently where Blitzo would rather give the cold-shoulder & tell people to fuck off while Fizz is much more emotionally-inclined & is more likely to give in against what he wants.

Blitzo puts his opinion of himself above others, but Fizz is the exact opposite, feeling like he constantly needs to prove himself to others & who's opinions really don't matter. Fizz craves validation & Blitzo wants him to see that no one's opinion matters but his own, & once Fizz can see himself for the amazing, talented individual he is, he will be happier & more confidant than he ever was before.

But, unfortunately, because they were separated, Fizz was manipulated by Mammon into doing things he didn't want to do, all because he felt like he needed to prove himself & that he was still good enough.

-

Thanks for reading this angst fest! Here's some happy Blitzo & Fizz for getting through to the end, to lift the mood a bit!

[annierosaart]

So I recently found your blog and you Exusiai theory and I'm in love with it, I really hope it becomes canon, is just so good and Exu is one of my fav charas I need more stuff with her on it on the main game.

Anyways, I've been playing on and off AK for the past yrs and I'm def lost when it comes to most of the story since it's a lot to catch up to, so can you explain more in-depth the Flammetta/Exusiai ship or at least relationship/parallelisms?

OH BOY CAN I

After the confirmation that Exusiai isn't connected to the other Sankta in Il Siracusano, it explained her entire character.

As I've explained in the post I made about her being disconnected originally, it always stood out to me how Exusiai specifically was treated differently from other Sankta in Laterano during her childhood and teenage years, despite the fact that she's supposedly a bog standard Sankta. From her being constantly mistreated and ditched not just by Mostima but by her sister also (see her Oprec 1),

To the fact she was constantly blamed for things that were legitimate accidents, the kind of stuff that happens on purpose in Laterano every single day, to the point where her word was doubted and she was accused of being a Sarkaz, it paints an extremely lonely and alienating picture of her.

It's especially odd that her own family and supposed childhood friend would do shit like that to her, given the fact that at the time, they should've known that it was upsetting for her to go through that, seeing as the Empathy would've made it hard for her to hide that. (oprec 1) And it'd be extremely out of character for Lemuen to do things like that, considering her intense love for her sister...

Combined with being grilled for lying by her superiors, which again, would be difficult for a Sankta connected to the Empathy... You see what I'm getting at?

She isn't connected to other Sankta. Never has been. From the start, her files and dialogue mention her being an exception amongst Sankta, unique, different. Guide Ahead showed us they're all similar to her in personality, however, so what exactly sets her apart? It's that.

Exusiai has multiple lines, in CoB, IL Siracusano, and her dialogues that show how deeply lonely she actually is, and how ACTUALLY empathetic she is; real empathy, not Sankta Empathy.

She threw herself into the Rat King's sandstorm for Mostima and Bison, she always remembered to keep an eye on him and keep him up to date, taking time to ease his worries and doubts. She always looks out for everyone else in PL, canonically being broke from doing so all the time. She risked her life to save a woman that was being harassed in IL Siracusano, despite not knowing her at all.

This isn't normal Sankta behavior. Sankta, even the ones at RI, are generally somewhat cold or indifferent to non Sankta. Arene, Ambriel, Executor... The only exception is Enforcer, who we know isn't connected as well.

Exusiai grew up socially and emotionally isolated, enough that no one ever gave her closure for the Andoain incident, despite the fact she has literal PTSD from it (oprec 1), no one ever got along with her really, to the point where her classmates celebrated her leaving to her face...

She hides it in front of others, but several lines show her actually being very tired, serious, and depressed, especially when they bring up a personality quirk of hers.

Promotion 2 - "Leader... No, savior, I pledge to this gun in my hand to protect you until the very end of this world." Talk after Trust Increase 2 - "If you ever run into an angel with black horns oozing ominous vibes, please tell her for me: I've never forgotten her." Idle - "...Lord, is this someone we gotta save too?"

All of which parallels stuff with Fiammetta:

From the offset, Fiammetta is by default isolated from her peers, being a Liberi in Laterano.

She grew up inherently different from a majority of people there, and as we see in Guide Ahead, though she tries to hide it, especially from other Liberi, she developed a complex over it.

It's especially evident when she snaps at Mostima, ranting about the Empathy between Sankta, complaining about how alienating it is to her, how it hurts her to not be understood. It's further elaborated on in her module's text, where we see her struggling to handle a gun that Sankta her age were already handling with ease, clearly frustrated enough by the fact that her mentor had to come and offer an alternative.

Beyond that, like Exusiai puts on a front but just wants people to tell her things for once, who's always been kept in the dark about not just events but also what other Sankta are feeling, Fiammetta is constantly isolated from her peers' feelings and motivations, ignored and brushed aside. It's constant in Guide Ahead, how her input and presence are secondary to whatever asinine conversation the Sankta are having, even in the middle of a crisis.

Her wants and needs are secondary, she's constantly forced to put up with titles she despises and finds humiliating, mockeries of her while she tries to do her job seriously...

Just like how Exusiai is consistently made fun of for any mistake she makes, even when others have a hand in that mistake. By PL itself no less. She laughs it off, but in exchanges with Bison, she clearly shows how bothered she is by being shrugged off or treated with a lack of care. She wants to be understood and taken seriously. But it never happens.

Fiammetta is exactly the same, constantly chasing a desire to be taken seriously as a member of the Notarial Hall, to have her feelings heard. But it never happens.

As a Liberi, she's inherently not a part of the connection all other Sankta have (with exceptions). They can't understand her. Nor do they bother to. It infuriates her, but what else can she do? What else is there to do? From birth, she was different from them, not the same as them, her weapons are a constant reminder... As is Exusiai's lack of connection to others an unconscious reminder to her.

And it all culminates in the Lock and Key incident. Both of them have been deeply traumatized by it, and whilst Fiammetta is at least more in the know than Exusiai, neither are ever offered the closure they need, the closure that would help them move on. Despite both being close to the people involved, they're kept in the dark.

Instead, they're made to stew in their feelings, made to feel left out on purpose one way or another, never allowed the proper right to live past that event. Both are obsessed with that day. Both desperately want to know what happened, what set it all off, WHY it happened.

But they never find out. They're forced to keep living in the dark while their friends and family are whiling, creating purpose beyond that day.

They're both women who were hurt by an incident that they were never allowed closure on, despite involving people they loved. They're both women who have been isolated and alienated from everyone else, becoming extremely lonely and distant all the while. Exusiai doesn't let anyone in, doesn't open up. Texas says as much.

Exusiai is my polar opposite. She seems to get along fine with anyone, but lets very few people close to her. —Texas

Fiammetta won't let anyone else in. Bottles her feelings until they explode. Because no one will hear anyway. No one will care. So why should she?

They're hurt. They're scarred and tired of being the only ones left out of the loop. Of the inside joke. Of the joy and folly every other Sankta is privy to.

They both value choices, independence, yet are bound to their past traumas. That they'll face one day. They both try to move on, but they can't. Exusiai still chases Mostima whenever she appears for answers she won't give, Fiammetta still chases Andoain for a revenge that won't quell her.

They're both obsessed with getting closure that the world's denied them.

And with Exusiai's surprisingly deeply kind nature, genuinely empathetic and sympathetic to others, to hear them out, and Fiammetta's insistence on confronting things head on, on not moving past them, and her deep down caring interior... They could heal a lot with each other. Love without compromise.

Beyond these thematic and story parallels, the two have a lot of miscellaneous ones too.

Their talents complement each other, Exusiai covers Fiammetta's health drain, allowing her to fight with more strength for longer.

Their physical scores are complementary, Exusiai covering Fiammetta's weakness in tactical acumen, and Fiammetta covering her lack of physical endurance respectively

Their descriptions are both about their dedication and willpower to see things through to the end.

Obsessions with protecting people (Exusiai's codename actually comes from Powers, the Angel class said to protect people and prevent evils from happening)

Hell, Exusiai's third skin replaces her blessing effects with a blue glow, complementary to Fia's red, and blue feathers. Sankta don't have feathers, so...

Their record medal descriptions match.

And finally...

Fiammetta is usually tolerant of Mostima's personality, even going along with it at times. But the moment Exusiai is involved, she becomes extremely impatient, and protective. Much more so than she logically should be at times.

With the context that she's been watching Mostima and essentially bugged her to hear in on her, she had to witness her leading Exusiai on all night, giving her false hope for an answer that wouldn't come.

Only for her to caress her sleeping and drunk form, as if they were still that close. With the knowledge they both parallel each other a ton, she might see herself in her...

Fiammetta's face shows way more contempt than expected, and her dialogue following this shows way less tolerance for Mostima, in spite of the fact that Exusiai is sound asleep and wouldn't hear them.

In Mostima's own record, Fia suddenly cares about Exusiai's feelings, about it being fair or not to her...

And firmly says she won't let Exusiai ever get wrapped up in the Lock and Key business, her face becoming more serious. Again, extremely protective of someone that at best, she knew as an acquaintance when they were both younger.

Fiammetta cares about Exusiai to an unnatural degree, hinting at either shared history that's not brought up, or that she relates to her, and she can't ignore that.

And if Exusiai talked to Fiammetta now, she'd likely find that same relatability, that same pain they've both been enduring, that they cope with in different ways.

Exusiai drowns herself in a carefree 'mask', drinks until she's blackout drunk often, is enough of a workaholic to fall asleep at PL's couch and compulsively spends money on others.

Fiammetta destroys herself with work, with fighting, burning herself out as she fires off attacks, obsessing and following Mostima around for the slimmest chance that Andoain might show up again...

They both need healing. Healing only the other could provide.

Fiammetta's friends/partners/exes are condescending towards her, don't try to truly get why this plagues her, even after Guide Ahead. PL can't help Exusiai, not only do they have their own problems, they can't relate at all; Texas has a mountain of baggage to work through herself.

They'd find solace, comfort in one another... Both things they desperately need.

[robinofinashiro]

"And if you go, I wanna go with you and if you die, I wanna die with you"

characters/fandom: feitan portor / hunter x hunter

request status/note: closed / ugh feitan you piece of shit i missed you lol lonely day by system of a down is such a good song for feitan imo

pronouns: she-her

you sharpened your knives, not bothering to look at chrollo who was lecturing you as machi helped patch you up. this wasn't the first time you had gotten such a lecture from your leader about being so reckless during missions but it was in your nature. you always managed to save your comrade in time even if it came at a price and this time it was your physical well being that was at stake.

you noticed that feitan was about to get stabbed and possibly not make it out of the fight without dying and you figured that his importance to the troupe was bigger than yours. you weren't the spiders #2 and you weren't the biggest person physically so if your life was taken, it wouldn't have been such a blow to the troupe. or at least that's what you thought.

chrollo had been grilling you for at least an hour for your reckless actions and you figured that maybe you were a bit more important than you thought, to chrollo at least. you continued to roll your eyes like a teenager getting screamed at by their parent but you hadn't said anything back. all you did was sit there and flinch every time machi had poked you with a needle.

"okay, you've been screaming at me for at least sixty minutes," you huffed as machi bandaged your last scar, "what has you so upset? this isn't the first time i've done this and the last three times you didn't bitch this hard."

chrollo had given the rest of the spiders a look to leave the room. they understood and walked out as you were left sitting on the chair with chrollo standing in front of you.

"i wasn't going to say this in front of those idiots but if feitan had lost you at the cost of his life, he would have had my head on a spiked pole for letting it happen," you nodded in agreement but didn't stop him from continuing the story, "you know more than anyone that feitan hates talking about his feelings but you know how important you are to him and if he found out that you died because of him, the troupe would have irreversible damage to it."

you stayed quite as chrollo ran his hands through his hair.

"and where do you think he's at right now?" he asked. you shrugged, really not knowing where he went after the fight, "he's murdering the group of people that tried to kill you or rather him but you get the point."

"how do you know all of this? i doubt he would've told you this to your face so spit it out."

chrollo laughed as he sat on the other chair next to yours, "it's not hard to read peoples minds; even feitan's is pretty easy to read, you just have to take the social cues when they're in front of you."

-

the entire troupe were on a mission and this time it took place inside of a club. you were dressed in the most uncomfortable club attire you could find and heels that made you want to chop your feet off. it was all too much for you but you knew that it would all be worth it for the money that all of you were promised.

you were sitting down on one of the bar chairs, chugging down a beer as you looked around at your surroundings. there had been a man, not one you were familiar with, staring at you for a while and although he wasn't bad to look at, you kept wondering why he was continuously staring at you.

"hey doll, first time i've ever seen you here," he finally said approaching you. you gave him a look of confusion, "uh yeah, that's because it's my first time here," you replied looking at your drink with annoyance.

"figures, i would have gotten with you a long time ago if i had seen you here before."

just as you were about to leave, you were handed a note from shalnark who was dressed up as a waiter. you quickly opened it up realizing that it was chrollo's handwriting.

"that's the man we need to execute, keep him close."

your eyes widened, not realizing that you had the bait in your hands. you gave him a sweet smile, before turning your attention to chrollo and shooting him a wink that silently meant that you'd have him in a secluded room for his death in no time.

"so, what plans would you have for me if you would have had a me a long time ago?" you asked, sliding on top of his lap and giving him the most fakest sweet smile you could muster, "how about i show you?" he asked now running his hand across your lap. you wanted to cringe but you knew that this was the perfect moment to cut the mission short and go home with the money.

you nodded as you turned over to chrollo and signaled him to follow you. chrollo could tell that feitan was fuming. it was hard to try and read what was going on through his head a lot of the time but this time it was fairly easy. he was fuming with jealousy and it showed. he knew that feitan had a thing for you but who didn't? you were cute and knew how to handle a battle on your own so what wasn't to like?

"come on, she'll need our help with him," he knew that you wouldn't but it was to try and give feitan some peace of mind. they followed your quietly into the room and as you pushed the man on the chair, you turned on the light and smirked, "but it looks like it'll be us giving you the show instead."

chrollo appeared behind you as the man's eyes widened at the spiders leader and their second captain. you smiled as you retrieved your own blade from it's cover and swung it in the air, "it's always so crazy to me that men will literally fuck anything they can get their hands on so i guess that has to be the first thing that goes, right?" you stated aligning the blade to his wrist.

feitan chuckled at your sadistic ways. he knew he must've been rubbing off on you but eventually you stepped back and gave the two men their rounds as you grabbed the wads and you meant wads of cash he had hidden on him. you stuffed them into your clutch that was hidden under your clothes and walked out as you were told to let the man die in the room. the police would find him in the morning, right?

the music was playing way too loud for anyone to hear him screaming so you went back onto the dance floor, happy that your mission was a success and you'd be off for at least a couple days now. you were whispered the success to your troupe members as they high fived each other in happiness.

you went back to the bar for another drink as feitan joined you.

"take shower at home," you gave him a questioning look, "man touched you so you have his germs now."

you giggled, taking a drink from the beer as he stayed my your side for the entire night. he wouldn't dare let another man touch you especially not in the way that the deceased man was.

-

you nodded in agreement. you knew what chrollo was saying was true but you knew never in a million years would feitan admit to it. in your own weird way, you kind of liked the relationship you and feitan had. it wasn't a solid relationship, not yet at least, but you knew within time, it'd get there. you just had to wait for feitan to get comfortable first.

it took two seconds before the door slammed open, a very angry looking feitan barging in screaming at you in his native language as chrollo excused himself.

you on the other hand sat on the chair, smirking at his antics. you knew this was his way of showing you his stressed out emotions of almost losing you but in his own feitan way. you would wait all day if it meant hearing him scream at you about the way he cared about you. you just had to remember to thank chrollo for opening your eyes about feitans feelings towards you.

[littlemessyjessi]

Their son tells you "You're not my mother": BTS Reactions: Plus Size Reader : Jin and Yoongi Versions

Seokjin: 

It was third time that you had busted Jihoon with cigarettes. 

"Jihoon, we talked about this." you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose.  "This isn't the first time and I really thought you'd listen but I guess we need to have a talk with Appa." 

"Yeah, why are you telling me shit anyway?  You're not my mother." he snapped. 

You blinked at him. 

He'd only just recently turned thirteen and his attitude was getting worse everyday. 

You were getting used to that. 

Hell, you had been around for his terrible twos.  

But this… this hurt you. 

That had cut you.  

Deep. 

You gulped before nodding and just leaving his room.  

You made it to the kitchen, hands shaking as you poured yourself a glass of water.  

"Sweetheart?" 

You couldn't look at Jin as he stepped into the kitchen. 

When you didn't respond, he wrapped his arms around, "Baby, what's wrong? What's happened?" 

"Nothing, it's nothing." you lied, trying to just let it go. 

You knew he didn't buy it. 

"Jagi, I know when something is-" 

"Where even is Appa?  If someone has something to say it needs to be him? Not you because you're not-"  Jihoon's voice cut through but halted instantly as he saw the two of you standing there. 

Jin's brows had flown up into his hair, dark eyes widening at his son before they glanced between the two of you. 

You refused to look up from your shaking hands and the red began to creep up Seokjin's neck.

He turned to his son, "Alright, Jihoon, what is it then?" 

Jihoon gulped, "Nothing, Appa." 

"No, no, go ahead.  Please enlighten me and while you're at it, why don't you finish your thought.  What were you going to say?" Jin said, advancing towards his son. 

You could recognize Jin's anger flaring and though he would never hurt either you or Jihoon, it still worried you. 

"Jin, please." you said softly. "It's nothing." 

"No." He cut you off to stare down at his son, "Go ahead." 

"She's not my mother." Jihoon whispered. "I don't why she gets to tell me what to do." 

The veins in Jin's neck began to throb and you reached for him. 

"Seokjin, please.  He's just a boy.  Don't-" you pleaded. 

Jin narrowed his eyes, "Jihoon, let me make something abundantly clear to you right now.   This woman is the only mother you have ever had.   Your birth mother decided that she didn't want a child and Y/N and I weren't even together when you came along.   If it were not for her…" 

He trailed off and you could visibly see how upset he was. 

He cleared his throat, "Apologize, now." 

"Jin, please-"

"Now!" he barked at Jihoon who jumped at the sound of his father's raised voice. 

Jin, while he could be theatrical at times, rarely raised his voice in anger and Jihoon knew he was in trouble. 

"I'm sorry." Jihoon whispered. 

"Go to your room." Jin snapped. 

Jihoon scurried away and Jin immediately turned to gather you in his arms. 

"You are his mother." Jin whispered. "I never would've been able to raise him without you." 

"Seokjin, it's ok. Just-" 

"It's not ok. How could he say that?  You… you were the one who- I can't believe-" he said, tears pricking his eyes. 

"He's just being a teenager.  Teenagers hate everyone." you said, rubbing his back. 

"No." he said stubbornly.  

Later that evening, you were in the laundry room folding up Jihoon's laundry. 

"Eomma…." 

You glanced up to see the boy standing there. 

He was so like his father, and held the same expression on his face when he looked guilty. 

"Come here." you said putting down his favorite hoodie and holding his arms out. 

"I'm sorry, Eomma." he sniffled into your shoulder.  "I didn't mean it.  You are my mother.  I promise.  I swear, I didn't mean it." 

You patted his head, "I know, baby.  It's ok." 

"It's not ok."  

The both of you turned to see Seokjin in the doorway. 

"You hurt your mother, Jihoon.  And you hurt me as well.   Don't you ever say anything like that to her again."  he said and you could still see the traces of hurt on your husband's features. 

"I'm sorry Appa.  I know I fucked up." he sniffled. 

"Jihoon, language." you said before you could help it but he smiled at you. 

"Please never stop that." the teenager said.  "I'll never say that to you again and I won't smoke again either." 

"Smoking?!" Jin erupted. 

You sighed. 

You hadn't actually told Jin about that part yet. 

Yoongi: 

Kyong was damn near a carbon copy of his father in every way.   

He looked like him. 

He sounded like him. 

And he certainly had his temper. 

The difference lay in the fact that Yoongi would walk away and give himself time to cool off and Kyong would unleash pure hellfire on whoever happened to be in the general vicinity. 

Unfortunately, on that day it happened to be you. 

"Leave me the fuck alone! You're not even my mom! Mind your fucking business!" 

You were in pure shock by his outburst but before you could even respond to him, Yoongi had all but erupted from his home studio. 

So much for walking away and cooling off. 

"How DARE YOU?!" he snapped. 

Kyong was as white as a ghost in that moment because truthfully he never saw Yoongi like that. 

Even when the two of you argued, it was mostly just bickering and it quickly went behind closed doors if anything was particularly serious.  

He was scared to death. 

"I'm sorry, Appa!" 

"Don't apologize to me!" Yoongi snapped. 

"Yoongi, please." you said getting between them.  "Just.. just calm down, babe.  It's ok.  He was just blowing off steam." 

Yoongi chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment. 

Of course, he loved his son but that was unacceptable. 

He narrowed his eyes at him for a moment before clearing his throat. 

"Kyong, when you came into my life I could barely take care of myself.  If it weren't for your mother, yes I said your mother, I wouldn't have made it and just to be clear- I never would've been able to keep you." he said eerily calm.   "It would've killed me to send you away but that was reality.  Y/N is the one who stepped up and provided for the both of us so don't you EVER insinuate that she isn't your mother.  She took care of you more than I did in the beginning.  She took care of the both of us." 

Kyong was shaking. 

He'd never known any of that. 

You passed a hand through Yoongi's hair, "Please, babe.  Just go cool off.  It's fine.  We'll talk and I'll come see you in a bit." 

Yoongi was angrier than you'd seen him in a while but he knew himself well enough to know that he NEEDED to cool off. 

He grabbed his keys before leaving your home with a slam of the door. 

You turned around to address the elephant in the room with Kyong but he promptly burst into tears and clung to you. 

"I'm sorry, Eomma.  I'm sorry.  I didn't know." 

You sighed, carding your hand through his dark hair and pressing a kiss to his forehead, "I know, baby. I know."

When Yoongi returned later that night, Kyong was asleep on the couch… with a death grip around you and his head buried in your stomach. 

You looked up at him, "It's ok now." 

"I'm not ok." Yoongi said.  "That hurt me when I heard him say that." 

"I know." you said, gently moving Kyong off you and coming to stand with Yoongi. 

There were tears in his eyes. 

"We wouldn't have made it without you." he whispered, his emotions getting the best of him. "And when I heard him say that… I just-" 

"I know, baby." you said, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.  "It's ok.  We're ok.  We've been ok for a long time." "I couldn't even take care of my baby." he said, breaking a little.  "I couldn't take care of myself.  I would've had to give him away, Y/N.  And then you just stepped up and-" 

He crumbled in your arms, "I love you so much."

You pressed a kiss to his temple, "Yoongi, I love you and I have no regrets.  I fell in love with my best friend and I have an amazing son because of it.  We don't always understand the plan the universe has but sometimes it turns out beautifully." 

You steered Yoongi towards the bedroom, preparing to hold him as you had done so many times before. 

=

Hello, darlings!

I hope you liked this and thanks again anon for requesting!

I would love to hear what you thought!

Love, K

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