#I would literally like just burst
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every time i walk into my local library i make sure to look at the receptionists with big wet eyes before heading to my corner to study bc i really want them to hire me as a part-time aide
#not even bc i need the money like it would just be so good for my mental health#extra cash would be nice but i also just like existing there#i don't need another thing on my plate but this feels like anxiety relief more than anything#esp bc w all my pre-med stuff sometimes i feel guilty for reading recreationally. this would force me to be somewhere i love to be#i WANT to be around books for 6 hours at a time. stacking. shelving. cleaning those precious books#i will burst into tears if they don't let me#i literally know the dewey decimal system by heart i'm perfect for this#p
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hi! idk if youve already answered this and i just cant find it, but do you know the order of the travelers?
cause if i understand correctly, the loop in each au is the same loop as in canon, theyre just shunted off into the next au until everyone has a turn.
if im right, then obvi canon happens first, but then whats the order?
hello! Your question is valid and your confusion is also valid! And you understand correctly, it IS canon Loop that helps all the roleswap Travelers one by one after helping Siffrin escape their timeloop I haven't officially figured out the order Loop helps the Travelers, but my current theory is: Loop helps Siffrin first (as you obviously point out :3) T!Odile is second T!Isabeau is third T!Mira is fourth T!Bonnie is last and final and then Loop has a "return to sender" moment when they crash into Siffrin's universe again and they exchange coins and also catch up! By that time Loop would've gotten SO MUCH character development it'd be fun to see what Siffrin thinks of them. But honestly??? Nothing is set in stone! I could change my mind, decide I want T!Bonnie to be the first one for Loop to help, or shove everything in a different order! And you guys are totally allowed to cook up your own Order of Events and Timeloops too! I'm not fussed at all on this matter :3 There are too many ideas and theories to not play with, y'know? It'd be a shame to shut those doors of possibility because of something little ol' me said!
#Again! I'm focused on pre-game shenanigans! how the team got built up. figuring out backstories and how the dynamics work. etc!#Sometimes I get a burst of inspiration like “OOH that'd be so cool!!” for 'game' or post-game stuff#or just. jokes I think would be funny to draw.#*sheepish shrug* please don't take my hasty scribbles as gospel truth. I'm literally throwing spaghetti at the wall over here XD#ISAT Role!Swap AU
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Erm!! I did more art!!!!!! My art style is so inconsistent I want to draw more realistically but I'm goofy goober at my core....... Gehahahaha
Also???? Pony Error under cut??????? (and a few error sketches!) Hidden slightly because I'm still a bit unsure about the design RAHH
I think it'd be cool if he had strings all over his body like he was some mangled stupid hasbro official pony plushie...... but the strings were like insanely last minute LMAO so I want to redo it again with that in mind.... when the pony takes me over again.
Transcript for Pony Info (because my handwriting is a bit messy)
PONY INFO!
Strings run along entire body
Used to have a cutie mark, but the file is "lost"
Horn sparks & glitches dangerously when using magic
-> Not harmful to him, but strong emotions can cause it to flare up (basically when the horn starts fuzzing a lot you know he's close to a full-on reboot)
Whatever the hell this thing is core -> (pic of very stupid looking Hasbro official Princess Twilight Sparkle plushie with brushable hair!!!! Batteries not included)
↓ WARNING!!! STUPID IDIOT BELOW!!!!!!! 🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 ↓
#utmv#swapdream#swad sans#swapdream dream#swan sans#swapdream nightmare#error sans#gamers err.... they're really stupid!!!#I hate them so much!!!! (LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE i love them actually with all my being)#I have no idea what I'm doing I'm not used to tumblr editor#I want to make my page look cooler..... maybe 2010s theme..... can i do that perhaps?#Stupid idiots!!!! Sorry my demons#I should probably make an intro post too but idk what to say.... other than “helo i like erm. Undertale! I like..... pretty much only UTMV!#This is mostly a lie I like other things but I'm only going to be posting UTMV mainly#Sigh getting off track anyways!!!!! Idiots!!! I hate them!#Swad he's so prim and proper and completely obnoxious#I feel like with him being completely manic 24/7 he wouldn't take care of himself very well#Like if it weren't for the self healing thing he would look absolutely terrible. Rotting teeth cracked bones etc etc and he would not care#He would still prance around in fields of daisies tho he is literally too hyped up#I feel like he would chase Swan like until his body physically could take no more#One sec he's approaching at full speed and the next he shuts down completely & collapses just because his body literally ran out of juice#Error is striving for that hobocore aesthetic he will not change his clothes ever he constantly repairs the same ones#I also feel like Error would be like. insanely stinky (PEE-YEW!)#Water doesn't interact well with his body so he avoids it best he can#he can only take sponge baths for hygiene and even that is like insanely prickly for him.... Feels like pins and needles sizzling on his bo#Sighs that's it for me gamers!!!!!! Ramble in the tags over#Swad OUTTT!!!! *bursts through ceiling leaving swad shaped hole in your roof*
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Emperor with matchamare >:D
Have an some extra Mochi with your Matcha >:D
Oh amyupup my friend when I tell you I was literally frothing at the mouth BEGGING somebody to request this, you have read my mind
Side by side of the two under the cut :)
#mochi dream#Dream sans#Matchamare#Nightmare sans#Dreamtale#DreamTea#Mochi#Matcha#obligatory art tag#BDHSHSISJS#that way I burst out laughing when I saw the ask#like I was literally hoping so badly someone would eventually request this#and then just IMMEDIATELY#:D
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do you think finnick audibly gulps in such a fr way whenever annie gets flirty with him
#i mentioned finnick being a gulper in the johannie fic mostly as a joke#but now i’m in love with the concept#at first i was like this would be in the early stages of their relationship but like#i think finnick is the type to blush whenever they kiss no matter how long they’ve been together#but like do yk what i mean#like obviously audibly gulping takes effort but i don’t mean he does it in a jokey way#like annie will say something like “i want ten million kids right now” and he’d stare at her#and try to think of something to say#but all that comes out is a gulp and it’s against his will bc his brain is literally like ???#correction it would be more like 💥💥💥 no question marks required bc he knows exactly what he needs to do he’s just flustered#like if this was inside out then all the ppl at his control console would be running around in panic as the console bursts into flames#i made way too much of an effort to describe such a stupid concept but. well. yk me#odesta#annie cresta#finnick odair#i’m gulping as i post this btw jic everyone vehemently disagrees w me
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i once had an anti tell me to stop sexualizing their trauma on a story i wrote that was a word for word retelling of my own actual trauma but with names changed and its been 2 years and i still cant stop thinking about that
Ah, yeah... Unfortunately a non-insignificant number of antishippers seem to genuinely believe they own the concept of trauma, so any story they read that they believe to be portrayed in a romanticized or sexualized light therefore must be romanticizing/sexualizing their trauma specifically.
I couldn't tell you the amount of times I've gotten the "stop sexualizing my trauma!!!!!!" or adjacent comments from antishippers that universally garner a response that basically boils down to
Like, bitch! I'm talking about my trauma! I literally did not even know you existed until you fucking commented!
#proship#proshipper#anti bs#just anti things#glad to know antis assuming every story about trauma must be about them specifically seems to be a universal proshipper experience lol#like *how* am I sexualizing *your* trauma when I literally do not even know who you are?#like if you hadn't commented I would've gone my entire life not knowing you even exist#if I had omnipotence like that I certainly would not be using that power to sexualize the trauma of some random fucking stranger! lol#you think my petty ass would be doing *that* instead of the infinitely more infuriating thing of spoiling every show you love at any chance#jokes aside though like seriously get fucking real#I hate to burst your main character syndrome bubble but nobody fucking cares about you#not in the ''nobody loves you and you'll die alone'' sense#but in the ''you are just Some Guy™ and the 8 billion other people on the planet have their own problems to worry about'' sense#if someone is writing about trauma maybe take your self-centred goggles off for 5 fucking seconds#and maybe you'll realise that it is 1000000% more likely this random stranger is writing about *their* trauma#and *not* the trauma of a person whose entire existence they are not even aware of#I do believe the tiktok trend of referring to strangers as ''NPCs'' has at least contributed to this epidemic of main character syndrome#people you don't know are *not* ''NPCs'' you fucking robot!#they are human beings just like you with lives and dreams and loved ones#you just don't know them#sorry but I genuinely think I'd go to jail for murder if I ever heard someone refer to me as an ''NPC'' out in public#'cause genuinely who the fuck do you think you are!?
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I cant look at my artfight I live in shame
#^ hasnt posted any attacks yet IM SORRY#I know its for fun and I really love the attacks I’ve gotten like I’m literally so full of joy#I would say I’m still getting used to the pen but I don’t think that’s quite it i just can’t bring myself to do anything#maybe I’ll get a huge burst of inspiration and rush trying to get everything out before July ends idk#yapping
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I don't think I can ever emotionally recover from these
#the inherent romance of monaco parc ferme#seriously these murdered me i really can never recover from them#screaming crying THEM!!!!!!!! THEM!!!! THEMMMMM LOOK AT THEM!!!!!#jense's hand basically covering the breadth of seb's back im normal im normal im normal im normal im normal#the gif version of this you can only see seb's face and hes very fond too sob sob and they keep holding hands while theyre talking sob sob#THE WAY SEB'S CLOSING HIS EYES ANF RESTING HIS CHIN ON JENSE'S SHOULDER AND JENSE'S SMILE ABT IT#JENSE'S FOND EXPRESSION IN THE 2ND PIC LOOK AT THE WAY HES LOOKING AT HIM WITH THOSE FOND EYES IM GONNA CRY#pictures that make me need to get up and run laps around the room bcs im seriously gonna burst into tears#2011 sebson makes me roll around in bed kicking my feet and screaming#WHO IS DOING IT LIKE THEM!!! WHO ELSE WOULD TREAT AND LOOK AT THE GUY WHO JUST BEAT HIM WITH SUCH AFFECTION!?!??!?!??!#i seriously am gonna lose it when i watch the 2011 races i think i willl actually combust i cant handle it#('pictures that automatically make me think of Solar Flare')#(these are from before that fic takes place yet are the most romantic pics ive ever seen in my life)#(solar flare!mark was so right when he told jb that he and seb look in love in literally every pic of them together)#sebson#jenson button#sebastian vettel#sv5#jb22#we do a little bit of f1#f1#formula 1#formula one#2011 monaco gp#2011 monaco grand prix
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ME:
#nctinc#mklnet#mark lee#nct#mark#tusermlee#kiwitracks#useroro#i hope that fan slipped on a banana peel#if he looked at me like that i would burst into flames#mine*edits#made this gifset for absolutely no reason btw#just wanted to say hes pretty#and has pretty eyes#hes literally gold rush personified#enjoy my intelligent caption#burn the coloured contacts btw his beautiful brown eyes deserve to be seen#mk*fancams
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i really thought this was going to be a completely normal day at work
#i got officially introduced to my crush today#and i still cannot breathe#HELP#my manager literally just decided that it would be fun to introduce us to each other#i never even mentioned that i like him#then she told me like three times that he's so cool and doesn't have a girlfriend#also the funniest thing is that our very first interaction was literally bursting into laughter#because of our names#his name is very similar to mine I AM DYING WHAT THE FUCK#i'm just shhdhdgdgegeh what the fuck even happened today#oh god#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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The Name of The Game
The (Un)Official Guide to Hero-Keeping | Cont'd from Part 8
Content: mentioned past attempted noncon, hysterical whumpee/nervous breakdown (seriously yall, it gets bad), disabled whumpee, trans whumpee, tied up/handcuffs, noncon unshirtening, past captivity references
* * * * * * * *
Excerpt from: The (Un)Official Guide to Hero-Keeping; a self-help guide for villains and bounty-hunters
[While following this guide, as well as generally while playing the wonderful game that is villainy, you will find that the advice can rarely be fitted to every specific scenario. But one piece of advice is universal: If you value your freedom, your loved ones, and your life, you must never reveal your secret identity to your captured hero. As soon as you do, there is no more facade. Villainy is no longer a game. It is your life. And heroes will not hesitate to destroy your life if it means they can win the game.
If a hero (or ANY untrusted party) ever happens upon your secret identity, it is your responsibility, as a villain and as a human being, to accept the end of your life as you know it…
Or to ensure that the hero can never tell another living soul.]
* * * * * * * *
“See you soon?” Deeby repeated Sweater-vest’s last words incredulously. “See you soon?! Christ, and you know he knows– god, he just needs to stop being such un pendejo and shut the hell up, stop making everything about his goddamn god complex and shoving it en las caras de todos–”
The sudden anger from the usually cool and smug Deeby did not help the apparent panic attack seeping ever so quickly into Stan’s consciousness, especially with said seething bounty hunter circling around the room like an angry shark as he muttered to himself and gesticulated wildly.
Stan cowered to hide his shirtlessness from said angry shark. His chest and limbs started to buzz from all the excess oxygen entering his system as he took in heavy breaths, his head spinning, dizzy, hurting, every muscle clenching.
“--y quién se cree ese cabrón para venir a joderme MI TRABAJO?”
He was so angry. So loud, talking so fast, and what the hell was he even saying?! It was too much, too much.
“Y la puta Lana no puede ni aparecer para decirme que me está jodiendo la vida OTRA VEZ porque es lo único que le encanta hacer, joderme TODO lo que–”
Stop it stop it stay calm stay calm please not now please please please not now you can’t show weakness like this in front of your kidnapper you can’t stop it STOP IT–
He took in an involuntary loud heaving breath. Then fell into a stuttering slew of smaller breaths as he tried to keep quiet, and Deeby finally took notice of the state of his captive.
Stan squeaked and pulled the jacket around himself tighter. He was small, he was silent, he was invisible.
Then he gasped in another desperate heaving breath with an involuntary cry of panic when he suddenly ran out of air. He’d stopped breathing entirely with all his efforts.
“Stan? Qué es–... Ah, you good?”
Stan nodded quickly, shaking. “F-fine, fine.”
Deeby raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t lie to me. What is this, you having a panic attack?”
He couldn’t get his eyes to focus, but he shook his head fervently. Then reeled as it made the dizziness and headache so much worse.
“Stan, talk to me, chiquito. If he actually did something to you, tell me. I need a good reason to kill him, you’d be helping me out a lot.”
He didn't actually even hurt me, did he?
“No–! I-I u-uh-uh yes-s-s, but– but–”
I don't WANT to ‘help you out’! I don't want to talk about it! ESPECIALLY not with you.
He let out a whine and failed to swallow the giant knot forming in his throat.
“Alright, is this about the shirt then? Or the uh, the chest thing? Is that why you went from colonizer white to ghost white when you thought I was gonna make you strip earlier?” He walked over to the tattered shirt and scooped it up. “Because if that's what got you, I can assure you I don’t give a single crap what you’ve–... got in your...”
Deeby trailed off as he held up the grey strips of fabric that used to be Stan's button-down.
And just stared.
Stan gawked at the unrecognizable shredded fabric hanging in the bounty hunter's hands. His breath caught in his throat. He hadn't realized how utterly destroyed his beloved shirt was. What was he supposed to wear now?
“That… Motherfucker…” Deeby muttered, almost as as aghast as Stan. “Christ, I knew he'd pull some grade-A bullshit, but this–”
“Y-you KNEW?!” Stan gasped out, surprising himself with the volume of his outburst. “You– You knew he was gonna– gonna try to...”
Deeby didn't look up from the tatters in his hands. “Yeah. He's predictable, if nothing else.”
Stan's entire body felt like it was full of angry bees. “You–... You left me-e alone with ‘im. On pu-urpose.”
“And everything turned out fine, you're fine. Look runt, we need to have a little talk about what–”
“NO!” Stan cried, ignoring the drop in his stomach when Deeby's eyes took on a slight challenging glint at the interruption. “No, don’t change the subject! You left me alone with him! You knew he was gonna try to– to rape me and you left me alone with him! Handcuffed, chained to the floor, powerless, immobile, beat up to hell and– a-and unable to defend myself and you-you left me alone with him!”
The floodgates were opening. The stifling sense of justice suffocating Stan from the inside out wouldn’t let the injustices go unsaid any longer, crashing through his body and just about ready to make him burst. Ironic, given the everything.
Deeby’s jaw set. “Stan. I wouldn’t have left that shit-for-brains alone with anyone if I didn’t have to.”
“Oh, but you– you had to?” Stan taunted, hoping the sarcasm came through in his voice even with the stuttering and heaving breaths. “What, Dee-deeby the great bounty hunter actually answers to someone? Enough to put the uh, the bounty in danger? Or are you just scared of him, wanted to get away?!”
Deeby snorted.
“Hell yeah, I'll do whatever if the buyer asks it,” he proclaimed. "And I'm not scared of that human cringe-fail. The day I'm scared of him is the day I'm dragged away screaming and turned into… well, you, basically. But I mean, that's when he's actually dangerous…"
He seemed to think on it for a moment. Then crouched down in front of Stan, smug grin replaced with something like the look a friend gives when they think you're about to ruin your life with a single dumb decision.
“Honesty, bud… I wouldn't be so tough around a guy like that if I were a guy like you. Best to just fuel his ego.”
Stan physically recoiled. “Don't tell me what–! Who-wh–…”
That insult sounded way too genuine. Since when was the mercenary genuine?
“Wait, wait, you'd…” Stan shook his head, trying to untangle his thoughts from the spaghetti of his mind. This concussion was killing him. He could barely think. “If you were… Who even was th-that?”
Another chuckle. “What, Tweedy? That was Vaughn. He said that earlier, though I applaud your ability to block him out. Wish I could do that.”
Then again, the hunter was most likely just trying to psych him out. Get him to behave again. Stan wouldn't fall for something like that.
“No, idiot, I mean–... I meant who is he? Why is he going to-to see me soon?… And– and for that matter, are you working together? Because it seems like you hate each other.”
Deeby let out a huff of air. “Look, bud, we need to talk about that phone call I had to take, the boss–”
“You're avoiding the question.”
“Well frankly, there's more important things to talk about,” Deeby dismissed quickly. “So I was talking with the boss-lady on the phone while you were–”
“I don’t care about what that Lana person has to say!” Stan said, slamming his hands on the floor for effect, a breath-stealing pang running through his ribs at the jostling. “Jus– Just tell me who you guys are, tell me why I’m here, tell me why I should be scared of ‘a guy like that’! Who ARE you?!”
Deeby narrowed his eyes slightly. “We need to talk about what's going to happen to you next. And you're gonna listen to that. Not yell demands at me like some asshole 6-year-old, because you already know I don't deal with all that ‘who am I, secret identity’ crap, so you're not getting those answers.”
Well actually, judging by the horrible sticky weight that slammed Stan in the gut when Deeby said that, he didn't want to know what horrors awaited him next. So next best thing? Keep being an asshole 6-year-old.
“Why?”
“Anonymity is the most valuable tool you can have in this game.” Deeby recited it like a script, exaggerating a monotone boredom. “Also I'm not an idiot, it's protocol that's saved me before, it helps me do my job without getting invested… take your pick.”
“You're not even wearing your mask any more!” Stan cried. “So much for secret identity!”
“I think what you're meaning to say is ‘thank you for rushing to save my damsel-in-distress ass from some twink with scissors when you heard me screaming for help even though you were dealing with a really important phone call from the worst person ever’. And you're very welcome. Now we need to talk about what I found out in that dumbass phone call and what it means for you.”
He always had an answer for everything, huh? Always another quip.
Stan's blood started to boil, and he may have actually, genuinely growled a little.
“S-so-so so what, you are scared of her, then? You're scared of her and that's why you left me with that monster?!” He tried, spitting back as much smug asshole-ness as Deeby had been throwing at him. “Is that why you hate them, you’re just their damn lackey doing whatever they tell you to do?! Just a puppet for them to guide around, running around capturing supers and serving them up on a silver platter like a good little servant?!”
Deeby stared at him, genuinely stunned by the sudden venom in the captive's words. His fists clenched by his side.
Hm. Stan may have gone too far.
“Look, McKellen,” Deeby spat as he took an authoritative step forward, voice slow, low and dark. “There are things at play here that you can’t know about–”
“Why not?!” Stan felt like he was losing it, voice creaky and high and hoarse. “Obviously I’m gonna be trapped here with you assholes for the rest of my short life until you kill me with some new form of torture experiment bullshit! Why not tell me everything?! Why not do whatever you want with me?! Just tell me! Please!!”
Stan glared desperately at the bounty hunter. He knew he wasn’t even just crossing the line at this point; he was sprinting over the line and stomping on it repeatedly in a panic-fueled frenzy, kicking at it and letting out his full fury as if the line itself had done this to him, as if absolutely decimating the line would somehow fix everything.
Way deep down, almost too far down to admit to himself, he almost hoped the mercenary would see through the insults and the fighting to see the pleading, hurt, scared man underneath. And then take pity. Just let him have this one thing, before he broke entirely.
But the bounty hunter glared right back at him.
“No.” He stated venomously. “Right now, you're going to shut up. And listen.”
As if Stan would ever listen to the orders of his kidnapper. Of a villain.
A small laugh, just a little chuckle, took root his chest. A disbelieving smile cracked across his face.
The absence of the signature unbothered grin, the absence of the mask, the deathly seriousness? Not to mention the gun, the knives, the chains, the handcuffs, the power suppressing collar, no cane or crutch or any viable mobility aid in sight, and beaten so hard multiple times that he probably couldn't run properly anyway even if he did have a knee that actually worked…
This really was hopeless, wasn't it?
He could rage against the dying of the light all he wanted. Scream and shout and cry and fight and say witty things to hide the excruciating, never-ending pain.
But the light would still die all the same.
He clutched Deeby's very own stupid cowboy-ass jacket around his shoulders. He couldn't even defend himself from getting his shirt ripped to shreds right off his body!
And this bitch–
“You– you don't think…” he had to pause to let out a barrage of inappropriate giggles, then shoved up shakily to his feet, back braced against the wall. “You don't still think I'm gonna– that, that I'm gonna escape, do you?!”
Deeby gave pause, eyeing Stan up and down. Really thinking about it. He took a deep breath. A low grumble emanated from the base of his throat.
“No. I don't.”
Stan laughed out again, full force this time. Desperate. Tearful.
“Then just–... just TELL ME!! IT DOESN'T MATTER!! IT DOESN'T!! IT'LL DIE WITH ME!!”
The mercenary's mouth pressed into a thin line. Was that confusion etched into his features? Or worry? Maybe anger…
“It does matter,” He growled through gritted teeth. “It's probably the most important thing you could know, who I am. Who we are.”
Stan let out a loud cry of anguish, screeching out every single frustration at the unfairness of the world, at this situation, at Deeby and Vaughn and whoever Lana was, at the collar and the chains and the cut and bruises and broken bones and his broken, useless knee into a single, guttural sound.
“WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME ANYTIN-GAH-AH!!”
Very, very suddenly, the lapels of Deeby's loosely draped jacket tightened around his body and slammed him back into the wall, the fleece-lined collar of the jacket twisting and pulling on the power-suppressing strap clamped around his neck, contracting it, choking him just as the slam forced all the breath out of his lungs.
Stan clawed back against the force, only managing to grasp at Deeby’s forearms uselessly as they twisted the jacket ever tighter around him. Pinning his arms. Trapping him. He had to heave in and out gasping breaths just to get enough air to breath through his half obstructed airways.
“Look at me, chiquito,” the bounty hunter snarled. “Look me in the eye!”
Stan's panicked eyes paused their sporadic dance around the room. They locked dead onto the mercenary's fiery gaze.
“Did you break your damn brain in the 3 minutes I was gone?” Deeby hissed into his ear. Stan almost screeched in terror. “I don't know what sort of fuckery your mind has been conjuring up that you can't get this very simple concept without going insane,” he jolted Stan and dragged out an involuntary whimper from his throat.
“But whatever it is, shut it down. Now. I'm gonna tell you the bare minimum of what you need to know, and you're gonna sit there and listen or else I won't tell you jack shit and knock you unconscious so I don't have to deal with your bullshit. Agreed?!”
“I– Ah, a-ah, I– No, I- I, no-no no No-o–”
He couldn't get his thoughts to line up properly. They swarmed around his head like locusts in a dust bowl, bouncing into each other, frenzied, an indecipherable cloud of fear and frustration that his horrible attempt at defiance, futile as it may have been, always just made everything worse.
He could never stop himself.
Angry tears rimmed at Stan's eyes. His body hurt. His brain pounded in his skull. His ribs cried out in protest as they pressed into the wall. The various bruises and their dull, throbbing aches, the cuts and bleeding wounds and their sharp, searing screeches, the sticky and caked on dried blood, so familiar now it was almost a second skin, Deeby's weight pinning him to the wall, so similar and yet so different to the way Vaughn had done the same.
No. No, no, no, no.
He squeezed his eyes shut, tears finally falling in hot, fat drops down his cheeks. The bounty hunter was so close, too close. Stan tried to pull away, and he just leaned on him harder, their faces barely inches apart.
“Agreed, chiquito?” The voice rumbled through his entire body, sending shivers up and down his spine.
No no no no no no no he needed to get away, get away now, please please that's all he needed he couldn't get away he couldn't even move his arms he could barely breathe–
“WHY DON'T YOU JUST RAPE ME ALREADY?!” Stan screamed into the endless cacophonous void.
And silence.
And the entire world went still.
Deeby’s mouth fell literally agape.
His grip on Stan loosened considerably. Not out of pity or any other considerate emotion. Just shock.
At least Stan could finally breathe again. Not that he took a single breath in the silence.
“I–...” Deeby finally choked out. “I-I beg you finest fucking what?!”
“Just fucking do it,” Stan hissed, gasping. “We both know you could. I couldn't even stop Vaughn, you think I could stop you?!”
The words spewed out of his mouth faster than he could stop them, like a volcano that had finally exploded its top off in a fiery glory. And the way Deeby looked at him, as if his features were having an all out war over shock, horror, or honestly very justified anger? Oh, that did nothing but fan the flames of Stan's sorrow-filed hysteria.
“Tall ass muscle-bound freak with an actual gun that captured me and beat me up again and again then left me to die?! I don't even know who you are! You can do whatever you want and I can't do jack shit to stop you! Just do it, hurt me, rape me, it doesn't matter! Vaughn knew that, you can too!” Stan attempted to shove the bounty hunter off, but he still didn't move.
“Please, please, I'm begging you, is that what you want?! I'll get on my knees!”
Stan collapsed against Deeby's hold, and to his surprise, Deeby finally let him. Well, not ‘let him,’ more like ‘recoiled and jumped back when he felt Stan collapsing in his grasp'.
All the same.
“Chiquito,” Deeby rasped. “I'm– not exactly sure what or why you're demanding, but I'm not going to–”
“Why not?! It doesn't matter!” Stan assured, holding his arms out to fully present himself now, shedding the jacket onto the floor behind him and taking a daring scoot forward. “I bet you just kicked Vaughn out because you wanted me all to yourself! I bet you just love seeing me scared and helpless and half naked in your stupid fucking yee-yee jacket–”
“Alright, Stan, enough!”
“AT LEAST VAUGHN had the decency to not pretend like he was a decent fucking person like you!” Stan yelled. “We both know you're not above it, fucking professional kidnapper and torturer! So just do it! Like Vaughn wanted to, like he tried to! Finish what he started, you have me all to yourself now! DO IT! DO IT I DARE–”
“The name's Declan.”
The statement was a whisper in the storm. Stan almost missed it. But the resolute certainty of the southern twang stopped him dead in his tracks.
“What–… What did you just–?”
It was astounding how quickly his voice had turned meek from the cacophony of chaos mere seconds before. Dark freckles stood out against an even starker white face than usual.
“It's Declan,” the mercenary stated once more. “My name. My name’s Declan. You wanted t’know who we are, who I am? Fine then, I'm Declan. Want the last name too?”
“I– wait–!”
“It's Cansano. Declan Cansano.”
Stan was shaking, a million thoughts crashing down upon him like a tidal wave. If he weren't already on his knees, surely he would have collapsed.
He hadn't actually… meant any of that. No. Had he? No. He couldn't have. He didn't want to know who the mercenary was. No, he didn't. He didn't, not really! He would never want that! Never!
“That’s not… Wh-why would you…?”
The bounty hunter shrugged. “You wanted to know who I am. You asked, you screamed, you insulted me and you went fuckin’ nuts over it.” His thunder-filled eyes betrayed his completely relaxed demeanor. “Declan Cansano. Don't forget‘t.”
“I just– That's not what– Wait, Deeby, you– Where are you going?!”
Deeby was already halfway to the door when he swiftly spun around, fists clenched and any trace of the easy demeanor vanished in those bright blood-stained eyes.
“I can't fuckin’ deal with you right now!”
Stan nearly launched himself back in fear, right back onto Deeby's stupid, soft jacket. He grasped it up as a barrier between him and the mercenary without even thinking. The mercenary's demeanor relaxed from absolutely terrifying to merely extremely angry at the sorry sight.
“I'm leaving for a bit.” He whipped around and grasped for the lapels of his jacket to yank it on, only for his grasp to come up empty. He whipped around a third time. “And I'll be expectin’ my coat back when I get back! You better've calmed the hell down by then, if you know what’s good for you.”
Wait, wait, he was leaving? No!
Stan tried to scramble after Deeby, but immediately fell to the agony of his knee and the length of his leash.
“Don't go, please!” he pleaded.
Deeby didn’t stop. “Why?”
What if you come back with more torture tools?
What if you don't come back at all?
I still have more questions for you.
You can't just leave me here, I'm hurt!
I shouldn't be alone right now. I can't. I'm scared of what will happen, I'm going insane.
Even you are better than no one at all.
“What– what if Vaughn comes back?!”
Deeby scoffed. “I'm not going that far, damn. Eat some protein bars while I'm gone so you don't die, should help with the insanity. Back soon.”
And the door to the room closed shut behind him, the click echoing off the walls in the sudden unbearable silence.
Stan collapsed to the floor, defeated.
He clutched the jacket closer.
Pulled it tight around his shoulders, fingernails leaving small crescent-shaped indents on the well-worn hide. The cotton lining was so surprisingly soft against his skin. Hell, he could smell the dirt and musk that permeated the jacket from years of use, the smal signs that this jacket had seen the capture of dozens of supers.
Declan.
Declan Cansano.
Professional Superhero-Hunter.
Stan screamed into the endless abyss around him.
And this time, Declan didn’t come back to save him.
* * * * * * * *
Next
Taglist: @flowersarefreetherapy | @pirefyrelight | @cakeinthevoid | @painsandconfusion | @books-are-everything | @paperprinxe | @lovethiswriting
#whump#heroes and villains#whump writing#whumper#whumpee#hero whump#defiant whumpee#kidnapping whump#captivity whump#trans whumpee#disabled whumpee#(un)official guide#mentioned noncon#tw nervous breakdown#GOD this one took SO LONG TO EDIT#AND WRITE#its basically unrecogniseable from its first draft bc i just kept having new ideas that fit the themes better#and changing it to help make it make sense#usually it wouldnt be this bad but i wrote it over like 3 serperate weeks in short bursts#so i didnt have any of the usual writing fervor in it at first and the pacing was FUCKED lol#I FINALLY GOT IT THO#its still not perfect but its pretty good and i CANNOT work on this any longer#ALL OF THIS was done on my phone btw. horrible time#would not reccomend#use a computer if you can#anyway ive been thinking about this specific scenario literally since before i started writing the actual story down#it was one of the main story beats#a changing of the tides#theres gonna be a lot of those pretty soon actually
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hiii mars 😇 i have something to say☝️. if you feel like it, id kind of like to hear more about the “tests of faith” you mentioned a while ago. idk if youve gone into depth about it already, mighta missed something, but i was rereading some of the priest au info and was reminded. im very fucking interested 👁️👁️. would love to hear more
also just fyi the last thing you wrote was fucking insane to me. i really like hearing about sinner hajime “giving in” (MASTURBATION MENTION 🫵) and komaeda being a subtle creep to him.. you already know i felt targeted. i had a very good time reading it. “he can handle hard things” yeah im sure he can dude
hca
ok so the tests of faith are basically just an excuse for komaeda to play kink games with hajime with some level of plausible deniability (aka an excuse for me to depict them). plays heavy into their dom/sub relationship, with a certain level of pred/prey and whatever they’re up to. i’m a little freak so maybe i’ll indulge my cnc kink a little (although it’s kinda dubcon from the start with this au). i’ve actually been thinking abt komaeda getting hajime drunk on communion wine but maybe we could turn that idea into one of their later-on tests of faith. could an inebriated hajime remain in the glory of god when faced with temptation, or would he stray from the light? idk i’m kinda spitballing, i don’t have too much in mind with regards to the tests of faith rn bc i’ve been focusing on trying to get hajime’s backstory properly fleshed out lately. dw though i ABSOLUTELY will be getting to the tests of faith eventually they are like. a routine thing for them once they get settled into their dynamic. komaeda explains them away as a straightforward way to check on hajime’s progress, and hajime buys it because the alternative is much much scarier.
as for the thingy i wrote. HEEHEHEE thank youuuu i don’t really consider myself a writer so it’s very affirming to see so many ppl respond to my writing well. extra thank you for picking up on the “you can handle hard things” euphemism— i was worried it was a bit too subtle actually. i was gonna have it be something like “you can take it when things get hard” but i couldn’t phrase it in a way i liked so i settled for “handle” instead lmao. and yesss komaeda being a subtle creep is a huge part of this au. bc it’s from hajime’s perspective his actions are going to be excused and depicted in a rose-tinted manner but if you actually look at what he’s doing he’s like objectively being creepy (who the hell comforts someone who’s fallen to the ground crying by pressing their face into their hip?) but hajime is both too whipped and too caught-up in his own self-loathing to really notice. he’ll accept anything and everything komaeda offers him, due in part to his desperation to be saved and in part to the thoughts he fears will drag him screaming into hell 👍, but i really like the idea of komaeda’s actions being genuinely inexcusable and fucked up when you take the time to look at it objectively. i <3 unreliable narration
#ask#hajime condom anon#priest au#pseudosexual moment#i’m normally a firm believer in switch/vers kmhn bc i think they’d usually explore several dynamics#but for priest au specifically it is very much a dom komaeda/sub hinata thing#and because in christianity penetration = power. this ended up being a top komaeda/bottom hajime dynamic as well#as fun as it would be for kmda to bounce on that thang like a pogo i think it suits the themes better#if hnta is the one who takes it up the ass#<- sorry i’m vulgar tonight it’s 3am#but like. hajime is being fucked over and used and objectified. he’s being toyed with and abused by a power he’s supposed to feel safe with#and i like if that translates into him being fucked in a literal sense. plus i feel like he would be more ashamed for wanting to bottom#because if he wanted to top well then it’s just a matter of getting his dick wet right#but if he WANTS to bottom then he’s looking to take the role of a woman. which is extra shameful#and in sinner!hajime’s case shame is hot. this is very much an ‘it’s wrong but it feels so right’ au#also it lets me make jokes like ‘let god’s glory fill you ‘til you burst’ and what would this au be without the sex jokes
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#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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When you have to take off your socks to change into clean socks and your bare feet touch the floor for exactly fifteen seconds and the dry, smooth sensation makes you want to chop your toes off
#It’s awful#I used to think short carpet was bad but vinyl flooring is the literal WORST#They should make socks that are lined with a rubbery nubby texture for people with sensory issues and/or allodynia#who find light or sliding contact painful and need deep pressure to function#This is why my grandma always wore her penny loafers— even in the hospital bed#I know what you were grandma#I KNOW you#She knew the lyrics to every song ever from 1890–1980 and would spontaneously burst into song if something you said reminded her of a song#And her mother used to sit down and read the dictionary for fun and was essentially a walking encyclopedia#despite dropping out of school at a young age because she just absorbed everything she could find#My aunt talks really really fast and for a really long time and constantly crochets to keep her hands busy#and according to my mom would rock in a rocking chair for hours and hours#All of my uncles and my mom are slightly socially awkward and take LOONG pauses between words sometimes#and something about their neutral facial expressions is “off” and guess who else looks “off” when I’m not purposefully grandiose#Moi [frames face with hands]#me#I can’t quite put my finger on it but I look a little too “dreamy” and like a fish out of water simultaneously#Like “the lights are off but someone is definitely in there watching and it’s kind of creeping me out”#And I will also read the dictionary for fun and I also happen to be a walking encyclopedia#Right now I’m into herbalism and mushrooms and psychotropic substances so I will recite paragraphs of information unsolicited#about any of those things#I guess it’s a branch off my main interest in psychology and human biology
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I CANT I CANTTTTTTT I WILL LITERALLY EXPLODE RJIKNHGKRSBKFUCKNHJHFBNJEA JFHBAEJHBFJHBHBHBHBHBBAZHJDBAJHDBAJKHBDJKNA????A//////!?!!!!!!!!??!!???!?!?!??!! I CANNOT I LITERALLY NOT THE CAN I CANTTTTTT RAUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#⚠️WARNING⚠️TAGS R SUPER FUCKING LONG I NEEEEED TO RAMBLE ABOUT LOVE AND DEEPSPACE I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS#SUGGESTIVE ART? NSFW? LITERAL GODDAMN PORN? LIGHT WORK NO REACTION#POV ROMANTIC OTOME GAME SHIT WITH THE TINIEST HINT OF SPICE??? I CANNOT ITS TOO MCUH I ITS AUGHHH IM JNUHJHFUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK#IM LIKE FUCKING PLAYING THIS GAME WITH A HAND COVERING MY EYES WHILE PEEKING ITS TOO MUCH#I AM LOOKING AWAY EVERY SECOND IM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FUCKUNGBHGJGHJHGHGBJJH#I HATE HATE HATEEEEE (not rly) IT WHEN THEY GET NEAR U ITS AUGH ITS SO WEIRD I PUT MY PHONE FURTHER AWAY FROM ME OUT OF EMBARASSMENT#SOMETIMES I LOSE MY IMMERSION AND GET SELF AWARE AND THINK TO MYSELF THIS IS SO FUCKING WEIRD... THIS IS WHY I DONT PLAY OTOME GAMES DUDE#like no hate to otome games its just way too much for me i get way too embarassed abt playing them its def a me thing#ok first of all the combat is p ok actually it reminds me of pgr and hi3 altho i like pgr better :] (lee my beloved)#i did burst out laughing when i found out abt it cause i thought it would be like mysme and its just visual novel shit but its really okay#also i did a bit of thinking as to why i dont find the charas super appealing & its cause theyre obv manifactured to b 'the perfect guy'#like you know how pugs were bred to be cute but end up deformed and stuff? yea kinda like that#im not saying theyre deformed but thats the vibes im getting#deformed pug vibes#the jp vas are pulling thru though#ALSO I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF GACHA pleaseee i alr play hsr + gi + /occasionally/ pgr and stopppp i hate the gamba aspect of the games#AND IM NOT JUST SAYING THAT BC I DIDNT GET THE CARD I WANT#.................. OKAY SO MAYBE I DIDNT GET WHAT I WANT THE POINT STILL STANDS#i like them (reluctantly) all so far ? idk no one is rlly my fav yet tbf im still at ch. 2 so..#theyre all cute ig zayne is nice maybe i dunno i like his shoulders......? hes very cold tho cause haha ice powers#i call him elsa in my head#xaiver is also nice? hes cute? hes sleepy n shit#rafayel is kinda goofy? aloof? but in the 'she's so crazzzzzzzzzy! i love her!' way (look it up if u dont know) and im not super into that#hes the one whimpering though so it is what it is#overall i think ill keep playing until i get the card i want ill also prolly play it on my laptop instead cause its super laggy on my phone#idk how ill deal with the combat part tho but thats a problem for future me lolol#okay yea idk if anyone is still reading this but i dont want my irls to know that im playing this game so here we r#idk why im using the tags to ramble its way more fun like its more casual i think#OKAY YEA BYE#frambling...?
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I just typed out a really long rant about like the shame I feel about being autistic and getting this obsessed with things and how hard it is to let go of that and just let myself like things as intensely as I do since it's literally fine and my therapist is encouraging me to but like I still feel so guilty and embarrassed all the time because I learned from a young age that I should be and that I should really try to suppress all aspects of my personality to avoid being a weird sad obsessive annoying freak or whatevs and how it's way worse with my current obsession because I have a longer history and deeper emotional connection with it than basically anything else which means that it's both more intense than other fixations and I also automatically feel so much embarrassment because I was made fun of so badly in high school for being the weird tmbg guy and yet I couldn't stop myself from talking about them 24/7 and it's so frustrating the way that always happens to me where if I'm just like I wish I could shut up about this but I feel like if I don't talk about it constantly I'm actually going to die and it's just so exhausting and frustrating and I know from experience it will start to be more manageable after a while but trying to fight it just makes me miserable and makes the fixation even worse and it's like I desperately wish I wasn't this way but also beating myself up about it does nothing to make me Not that way so there's just no point and my therapist is literally like you need to stop judging yourself and just have fun with your interests like if you want to spend several hours listening to bootlegs and reading interviews just do that without judgement or feeling like you wasted time since doing that literally makes you happy and is fine . and im like this is true. Probably. But how. But anyway tumblr errored and it didn't post which is probably for the best because it was 5 times longer than this
#but its like by trying to force myself to stop being obsessed with something . it literally doesnt work and then i also am like i could be#having way more fun and learning way more about this thing if i just let myself so im trying to just let myself but then#my brother or someone makes a Lighthearted joke about how my encyclopedic knowledge (which i dont even HAVE theres so much about them#i dont even know) is like Freakish and i just am like i kinda wanna die now because i feel so embarrassed . but i also.#love this thing sooo much that i feel like my heart will burst out of my chest and it makes me happier than anything so#the combination is just so overwhelming#and part of me is like if i could just keep quiet about this and not be constantly bringing them up and stuff it would be fine#because i also wouldnt get made fun of. but thats not how it works i feel the strongest most irresistable urge to share them with everybody#and talk about them constantly even when i know other people dont care and its just. GAHHHHHH
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