#I wish you healing

[soulinkpoetry]

So yesterday someone in here started cursing me out in the comments thinking that I was his ex and my page and my posts somehow were about him. The old me would have returned fire but I’m very proud of myself for keeping my composure. I think most people who are hurting and broken have no self awareness and how hurtful they can be to others. Instead of getting mad at them, I truly feel sorry for them and I wish them healing.

Meanwhile…. Block….block….and block 🤣

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[poppiesandpromises]

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mourning,

the grown-ups whisper

that's what they say i am

grieving, too

the words are big, but i'll grow into them

i hope i grow into the emptiness, too

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Growth

Blossoms from the loss

Tears are water, really

Aching, yes

Yes, you'll grow, and yes you will change

A beautiful flower that reaches for the light

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[sunlitsoil]

there is always tomorrow

[heartwarminghealing]

I’m so sorry love, for all the times ever since you were born, you’ve never really felt loved.

Please forgive yourself for not knowing how to love yourself in moments you should have done so. You couldn’t do anything about it, you were a child. I know that sometimes it’s really difficult to love yourself when all your life, you’ve been hating yourself, poisoning yourself with other’s words, actions, and their energy. It may not be a good time to write this here, but i wish you healing.

Healing can be a painful thing, especially when it feels like a layer of skin is being ripped from inside of you. But, please let it go, it is not difficult to love yourself, you can slowly slowly, at your pace choose to make different decisions than when you did as a helpless child.

You’re not helpless child now, please choose to love yourself, choose yourself, because you are not the version of yourself you make yourself believe. You are a fragment of God, the universe, how can you be not good enough?

You were complete when you were born, you just need to remind yourself that again, please know that you are not alone in this journey, many people out there are suffering just like you do, the only difference is that you are choosing to love yourself even though it is difficult for you.

I am extremely proud, PROUD of you. Thankyou for taking the step to choose yourself. Sometimes, you may fall, but choose to get up again, because the world has people like me, people who love you, accept you for who you are, so please don’t give up on yourself, you are far more precious than you think you are.

And, forgive yourself for all those times, you had to choose the other person before yourself because they were selfish. Please forgive your inner child for making decisions that are harmful to you now as you grow up. Your inner child did what it did to protect you, so please don’t be hard on yourself, you are important to the universe, the universe won’t abandon you, never.

People made you feel what they felt, but that doesn’t mean that you are unloveable, or undeserving of love. You are loveable and deserving of infinite love in this universe, just because you exist.

You are not broken, nor there is something wrong with you, you are hurt inside, so much that it hurts when you start to love yourself, you might even want to kill yourself, but don’t forget that somewhere far away, in those moments, i’ll be holding you with as much love as you need, and keep you protected from the thoughts, and words that continue to cut you apart. It is difficult, but not impossible, you are strong, and have always been stronger, you were never those things that those shitty people made you feel.

You don’t have to forgive them for what they did, be angry at them, as much you want to, throw things, smash them, ruin everything around you, and then relax after you’ve purged all the pent up anger inside you. Allow yourself to do what your body wants you to do. Don’t distract yourself by doing other things, allow your body to take control for once, trust your body, it will never lie to you, you are your own best friend, trust yourself to do the right thing.

I love you, always will, always have. Thankyou for reading, I wish you an extremely happy healing.

Thankyou for choosing yourself again, the path to feeling unconditional love, awaits you.

💜 [ someone very special said that “borahae” (purple heart) means I will love you & trust you for a long time]

© 2024 heartwarminghealing. Please do not copy my words. You’ll suffer a long time, don’t be such an asshole/bitch.

[raincloudzh]

i heard you aren’t coping with things as well as i have been. i heard your friends are worried about you. i didn’t try to hear about you, but i did.

i tell you this, you, the person who i love(d). i will always care for you. i will always wish you the best. i will always want nothing but the lightest happiness for you. i hope you know.

my (once) love, i hope you heal. i hope one day you think of me and it doesn’t make you ache. i hope one day you remember us and you smile. i hope this for me too.

let me go. i will do the same. i love you infinity.

[jkvjimin]

light of my life 🤍 for @kimtaegis [cr. namuspromised]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

hope you feel better soon!

I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!

[bunnieswithknives]

Gore, Violence and Blood under the cut

What a mess

[soulinkpoetry]

I know you’re hurting, but mocking someone else’s pain isn’t going to make yours disappear. You know better than that. Emotionally intelligent people don’t mock and belittle.

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[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

[ratcandy]

words cannot describe how happy i am that heket remains lamb's #1 hater in the entire world even after her cleansing

[sersfandomthings]

wanderer

(referenced from that one shot in the 3.3 interlude quest)

[iindigoeyed]

aac user juleka because i am here to spread my propaganda (i also gave her my ramen addiction) (i have had ramen every day this week) (it is wednesday)

[possamble]

Like take for example how she treats healing Laios leg!! We *never* see someone who was healed have lasting symptoms from a heal. It *itches* terribly — Laios looks like he will scratch it raw. The itching implies an incomplete heal — you only itch that bad when something is being regrown or scabbing like when you get tattoos. There’s something that needs to finish healing. This scene always stood out to me— because Falin notices and *heals* it. And that brought up a ton of questions for me (We see her cast magic, was it to soothe the itching? A phantom pain? Why was it itching in the first place? Didn’t Marcille finish the job? Why was he having after effects we never see someone have any before?) and i’m breaking my brain over it because is this an sign of Marcille’s engagement with healing in general? Perfunctory—a means to an end? Morals? I feel like there is something there for us because that scene wasn’t necessary to the plot so why did Ryoko Kui add this interaction? I think how Marcille engages with healing was telling us a lot more than I previously realized because she was in a medical researcher position before coming into the dungeon however when we see how this was practically applied by her was really interesting!! She’s so divorced from feeling empathy for the pain of healing and i think that’s some sort of self-preservation instinct. Idk i just feel like her engagement with healing is so fucking fascinating when juxtaposed with her beliefs on death pls share thots if any

I think what gets hidden in the details about Marcille’s healing is that no, she’s not a talented cleric and healer in the way that Falin is. But Fantasy settings tend to relegate healing towards “holy” and “good” magic that never causes harm—

and Marcille is what you’d get if you put a doctor and a surgeon with a modern, more realistic approach towards medicine in a genre that doesn’t usually allow for that. 

Like, you’ll see surgeons or doctors secretly being incredibly efficient serial killers in TV thrillers everywhere—but a fantasy series with a cleric or healer that’s secretly great at killing is a bit more rare to find(though not nonexistent, admittedly). Healing magic tends to be painted as either a religious discipline that’s not accessible to those who don’t have a tie to a deity or some ineffable force in the universe, or a matter of accessing some natural “life force” that exists in all living beings. 

Dungeon Meshi, of course, loves bending fantasy conventions in the most incredible ways, so that’s not how it works here. The series allows itself to contend with the fact that healing a human body requires extensive and painstakingly detailed knowledge of that body.

The reason that Falin might appear to be a much more talented healer than Marcille is because Kui dresses her up in all the archetypal traits of a Caring Cleric, and that immediately clicks with readers expecting fantasy conventions in ways that Marcille's expertise doesn't.

This isn’t to discredit Falin, obviously. She is a talented healer, as attested to by Marcille herself:

But the interesting thing is that she does it all on instinct, so it’s not an exact knowledge. Furthermore, she uses the gnomish system of healing, which is implied to rely more on the judgment and knowledge of natural spirits (and therefore takes less mana). So it’s not hard to imagine that she would have less exact knowledge of how the human body operates than Marcille does as a medical researcher. 

And that in and of itself raises questions: In a world where magic can immediately re-attach a limb, why would medical research be necessary? But Dungeon Meshi makes it clear that healing magic isn’t perfect, nor “holy” magic—it’s simply magic, like any other, carefully tailored to operate within the confines of what a human body needs in order to keep living. It’s not able to cure everything, and it especially seems to have gaps in terms of being able to treat illnesses that aren’t immediately solvable injuries.

And that all ties into Marcille's attitude towards it: It's a scientific and magical discipline like any other that requires careful study. There's nothing inherently good or bad about it—it was made by people, for people, and what matters is how you use it.

So, Marcille was at the academy, studying the ways that illness happens in a body, and carefully writing new magic to counteract or at least mitigate it.

(How I interpreted this was that she was likely part of research teams dealing with complicated things like autoimmune diseases, cancer, and other things where the body isn’t technically injured by a foreign element, but erroneously harming itself due to internal reasons.)

For me, this kind of explains her approach to pain in healing:

Honestly, what this immediately reminded me of was that a friend of mine had to have surgery on their throat when they were younger, and part of the procedure was waking them up without anaesthesia right after the surgery to make sure that they could still feel everything. They told me it was the worst pain they’d ever felt in their entire life—but from a medical perspective, it was necessary to make sure that none of the critical nerves in the neck had been affected. 

Sometimes in medicine, pain is necessary because it’s not some uncomplicated and bad thing—it’s a response of your nervous system, and sometimes the only indicator that your body is still working the way it should. And I think this is the mindset that Marcille has, which is why she seems so blase about it—she doesn’t think that she’s actually hurting people, it’s just a necessary part of the healing process. 

And in some ways, she just sees it as a realistic downside of the fact that you have to recover quickly in dungeon situations:

Normal recovery would take months. Healing magic shortens that to a few seconds. The pain is a result/tradeoff of forcing something that would naturally take a long time into such a short timespan. This all makes sense and is Right and Correct and Normal in Marcille's mind. It's not that she lacks empathy and doesn't care enough about not harming her patients: she doesn't think that it's "harm" at all.

Not a shred of guilt in that face before causing extreme pain. Contrast this to her constant fussing over Izutsumi on the smallest things—it's hard to believe she wouldn't even be a little apologetic if she actually believed this would be hurtful in a way that matters.

I think this is overall, less indicative of any lack of empathy so much as her incredibly stubborn and sometimes ridiculous way of compartmentalizing things to her own internal rules. I’d even argue that this mindset is preferable in surface situations, where people have the luxury of time. Dungeon healing hurts because it has to be fast and instantaneous—but if you're just treating a broken bone that can be put in a cast with slower healing magic to help, wouldn't you prefer that over an instant heal with the chance to cause brain damage, no matter how minuscule the chance is? Shouldn’t your long-term health matter more than short-term recovery and some pain?

To touch on Laios’s leg injury—we actually do see this kind of reaction to healing magic later on in the manga. When Marcille is teaching Laios how to heal, she ends up bowling him over because her cut gets super itchy:

but then she reacts positively and tells him that it's supposed to happen, before trusting him enough to try it on Senshi.

So while yes, it was an “incomplete” heal, I don’t think it was particularly telling about her approach to healing. And honestly, judging by the fact that it only distracted him when he was relaxed enough to be cleaning his armour before bed, it looks like she connected all the major muscles and nerves enough not to cause pain or risk re-injury by moving, but just left superficial stuff for Laios’s body to naturally heal. 

Her mindset makes sense in context: She also had to heal Chilchuck and Senshi, while conserving enough energy to immediately start digging for Falin’s body and potentially do a very taxing resurrection spell as soon as possible. 

After that, Falin healed the rest of Laios’s leg injury in a situation where it wasn’t needed, but there were no other high stakes to discourage it. Also, she can’t bear to see others in pain. ambrosiagourmet already did an incredible analysis of how this empathy doesn't really signify perfect altruism so much as Falin's deep discomfort with having to witness pain, so I won't go into that too much—but the important part is, Falin isn't inherently a more caring healer than Marcille. They are both making decisions for the patient based on their own approaches to healing—it's just that Falin's approach is preferable for dungeoneering overall.

(In Marcille's defense, it seems that dungeons are an incredibly specific environment that falls way outside the realm of what's actually taught to mages in most schools. Being a combat-oriented mage actually seems pretty frowned upon.)

So, in a lot of ways, Marcille is both realistic about dungeon healing (mana conservation by not doing full heals when not necessary, thinking about pain as the condensation of the time it would have taken to naturally heal, etc.) and very unrealistic about it. What she doesn’t realize is that the pain matters: In a dungeon, people have to be up and ready to continue right away, over and over. If it hurts every time, that makes them very averse to being healed, stressed out about getting injured, and affects their performance as dungeoneers.

All that to say… I personally believe that Marcille is very passionate about healing people. Not healing magic necessarily, but medicine as a whole. It’s not just a means to an end—it’s her main area of study only second to her research into ancient magic. And sure, she might have gotten into it because of her fear of death—but what I think people don’t give enough credit to is that her motivations changed from when she was a child. 

You see it here, when she’s laying her dream outright to the Winged Lion: 

She might be kinda racist herself, hypocritical, and short-sighted (mostly out of ignorance, I’d argue), but at heart, she hates that people hurt each other. She hates that long-lived races look down on everyone else just because of lifespan. She has—arguably very correctly—identified the disparity in lifespans as one of the main causes of interracial strife, and she wants to get rid of it so that everyone can fully understand and relate to each other as equals. 

And in some ways, it’s not even that insane of a dream. 

Knowing that people used to live as long as she’ll have to, and something changed in the eons since, is it really that weird for her to want to change it back somehow? 

But all that aside—the most important part of this to me is that… originally, she wasn’t actually that hung up on completely equalizing lifespans. She got into medicine because she wanted to, at the very least, close the gap as much as she could in her very long life. 

She was realistic about it at first. She thought that, by studying ancient magic’s ability to pull from the infinite, she could harness that infinite energy in tandem with medical knowledge to give more life to the short-lived races. 

But as she says it herself, it changed when she realized that she doesn’t have time to gradually unravel it on her own. 

So, yes. She got desperate. She got crazy. In light of all she did as dungeon lord, it’s easy to assume that she never cared much about healing as a profession, and is just a self-obsessed little girl caged by her trauma and trying to change the entire world to make sure she doesn’t have to be hurt. 

And… she is all that. She's my blorbo supreme but I'll be the first to insist that she is very much a complete hot mess. But my point is that these were very extreme circumstances, and Ryoko Kui has given us all the understated evidence we need to know that she’s actually a very passionate doctor otherwise. This is the girl who freaks out if she’s not useful to other people and not allowed to help:

Did actually get excited about making safe dungeons for helpful purposes beyond just learning more about ancient magic to fulfill her dream: 

And in tandem with her own personal trauma—not in opposition to it or to obscure it—cared about making life more peaceful and equal for everyone in the world. Not to mention, she had to have done some insane work to be acknowledged as the most talented researcher at the academy and be allowed onto teams that were researching new healing magics.

TL:DR, I think she has a lot of empathy for people and passion for helping them, it’s just expressed in a way you wouldn’t expect in a fantasy because Ryoko Kui doesn’t fuck around with her storytelling and genre subversion. She might not be a good archetypal healer, but she's an extremely knowledgeable doctor with a point-blank and intense attitude towards healing and medical treatment (see: her strictness about physical touch when teaching Laios about healing).

For me, all evidence points towards her going back to what she was doing before the story on top of her duties as Court Mage, kind of becoming a sort of Surgeon General for Melini as the head of health and safety for the country and whatnot. 

PS. I will admit that there's explicit evidence she's not good at healing here:

But this was also like... chapter 3. Written years ago. I personally feel that everything Kui has said about Marcille's background since is enough evidence that it was just a one-off joke before she had an airtight idea about who Marcille was and would be, but I'll concede that it's mostly conjecture.

But again, as I said, I believe that while she might not be the best at the heal spell that's used in Dungeons, she's passionate about being a medical researcher and the field of medicine as a whole.

[beifonng]

Jiang cheng antis are so annoying. Just saw some neanderthal say they’re upset jc never apologized to wwx 💀 wtf is he apologizing for like be so fr “hey so you spiraled out of control and accidentally caused the death of my last remaining family member and your hubris inadvertently caused my entire sect to be massacred but Im soooo sorry” like ok lmfao. Now if we’re talking about apologies sure he could apologize for blaming him for what happened with the wens killing his clan because even if wen chao was especially foul because of wwx the wens would’ve came regardless but anything aside from that is really up in the air. Hunting DC is a rumor that has never been confirmed (some of yall are illiterate so I’ll give you grace for missing that and the entire message about rumors in the book) and even if the rumor did have validity DC is not a good thing and DCs are not good people 💀. If we’re talking about defecting, it was staged and wwx made the choice of his own volition to defect because they both (wwx & jc) knew that JC didn’t have the power (politically and physically) to defend wwx for protecting the wen remnants. For the golden core, JC never asked him to give him his core, if anything he literally lost his core trying to protect wwx. It was a parallel symbolizing the extent that both would go for each other and sacrificing themselves to help the person they love. (And even then JC didn’t distract the wen patrol with the thought that he would lose his core, in his head the price of protecting wwx would be his life if he were to get caught. the one time JC chose love over duty) “jc should have apologized to wwx” I think there’s a lot of things unsaid between them both, whether that be apologies or whatever else, but don’t be fucking delusional and put all the blame on JC 💀 if you’re gonna make half-baked excuses on why you dislike him then you might as well wear a big glaring red sign that says remedial and illiterate xoxo

[lovecolibri]

The growth from K saying her and Evan didn't work out because it's hard telling and showing someone how much you love them and having them not believe you, to seeing Evan a couple years after that breakup tell Sam that it was an unfair assumption of him to make that she wasn't being sincere and genuine in her kindness to him, and that he used to think love would fix things but that alone isn't enough and he does need to work on himself and accepting the love his friends give to him.

And even then!! The growth isn't done because he's still trying to adjust HIMSELF into making sense in other people's lives, instead of adjusting his THINKING to accept the love freely given, which Sam reminds him of. It's just so beautiful to see the journey and it's not complete yet, Evan still has some work to do, but he's not doing it alone and it will ultimately be so healing for him 😭😭😭