#I wish to be someone’s number one
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I wish I wish I wish
#I wish I was pretty#I wish I was smarter than I am#I wish people liked me#I wish to be someone’s number one#I wish I was pretty I wish I was pretty I wish#I wish I wasn’t awkward
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I hate the sewers . jpg
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#larian studios#astarion#astarion ancunin#halsin#bg3 halsin#comic#comics#fanart#me browsing my saved clips like 'wait why did i record this one—'#cuts the scene im laughin for solid 5 mins#i feel so bad for astarion it almost looks like he isn't my fav w this treatment kcvvnxovx#'the bank money can wait - we need to pamper astarion now'#hey past me why did u try to switch places w halsin instead of- yknow- tHE GUY YOU PAIRED HIM WITH#prob was bc halsin had more hp to let him step on fire - and also forgetting the water pipe does that#ngl i still don't really understand how to do this part the proper way#like- yeah i know what to do but it's never perfect and always someone will get burned or pushed#plot twist im making better numbers here than twt w bg3 so i'm posting here first while i do a twt detox#my mental health this month is hanging there by two strings and these strings are baldurs gate 3 and hades 2#currently doing my honor run with my rebooted tav'chyon the dracomonk pls wish me luck
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Things baby Bakugou did as a child (source: I was there)
— proposed to Izuku with dandelion roots, and always let him make the first wishes. Proceeded to introduce himself as his husband for the next two years.
— Hid all of Maseru’s socks and mixed them, forcing his dad to walk around with mismatched pairs.
— wrote all his little recipes by hand, in red crayola, in a little organizer like a grandma. The ones for Izuku, he keeps in a special notebook.
—‘Meals when Deku’s sad’ ‘Meals when he makes me happy’ ‘meals when he makes me FUKIN MAD—‘
— the last one is just rocks.
— learned how to tie his shoe when he was 3 but pretends he doesn’t know so Izuku would tie it for him. It has to be a bunny knot, or else it’ll feel wrong.
— Built a treehouse all by himself (read: asked his mom for one) That way he and Izuku could play all day everyday. The fun part was climbing. The hard part was getting themdown.
— Bakugou, that is; Izuku’s the one who has to convince him he’ll be back.
—Yes, he loved playing today. He loves playing everyday. No, he hasn’t made a new best friend. No, Kacchan, you don’t have to pay me to be your friend. Yes, I would love you if you were quirkless.
— clingy baby bakugou oh how i love you
— He can do everything except climb trees. He can’t fucking climb and there’s CATS in TREES and he can’t SAVE them by HIMSELF.
—So he’d always call Izuku to do it because the little bastard can climb like it’s no one’s business.
— SUUUCH an overprotective little fucker, oh my god. Baby Izuku was a god damn menace and he’s get himself stuck in the most absurd scenarios ever just to play hero.
— Gave baby Bakugou gray hairs, do NOT run into traffic just to walk some stray puppies on the other side. Don’t play with the older kids either! Do you even have a bandaid kit on you?! He’s calling Inko!
— When he and Izuku stop being friends, he secretly fills Izuku’s cubby with all kinds of sweet sour treats. He likes lime and sour cherry and all bitter things. Bakugou hates them. He spends his allowence on them for years.
— Same goes for All Might merch. He thinks Jeanist is cooler, but Izuku never had refined tastes.
#I LOVE HIMMMM I can’t wait to write a fic#watch little Bakugou be like ‘well you like all might more than me so the only solution left is to surpass him.#that way only I can be your favorite’#not to take away from his individual motivations ofc. but. if someone’s gonna be Izuku’s number one. it’s him.#(he already was)#bakugou katsuki#izuku midoriya#bkdk#bakudeku#I wish there was a tag for baby bakudeku#bnha#my hero academia
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You guys cannot tell me someone hasn't noticed this before. Like please tell me I'm actually not the first one to notice this.
Toshinori and Izuku's stories are almost exactly the same.
Quirkless boy with a dream, does something heroic and asks a hero if he can achieve the said dream. He gets an unsatisfactory answer. Against all odds, he does something so stupid, yet brave and heroic that they convince the hero. He is mentored by the hero. He receives a gift, a torch passed through generations, a quirk - One for All. He goes through hell to hone and master it. His mentor fights the Symbol of Evil and no longer can support him the same. He trains even harder. He leaves home in hopes of protecting people and further mastering One for All. He comes back. He fights All for One and WINS but loses his power. He becomes quirkless once again but that doesn't stop him from helping, he becomes a teacher and leads the future generations of heroes but the loss of power still stings, however he can be a hero again. He gets a mechanical suit and proves that all you need to be a hero is a spirit and the desire to help others.
#LIKE PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME THEY NOTICED THIS BEFORE#BEFORE I LOSE MY MIND#THE FUCKING PARALLES IN MHA WILL KILL ME ONE DAY I FUCKING TELL YOU#BEAT FOR BEAT THE SAME STORY#also sidenote#Izuku's wish was a monkey's paw#He didn't wish to be the number one hero#or the greatest hero#his wish was to “be like all might”#which in the end he was#with every aspect that came with it#ok I'm out#mha#bnha#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#dad might#mha izuku#mha all might#bnha all might#bnha izuku#midoriya izuku#izuku midoriya#all might#yagi toshinori#my hero academia toshinori#bnha manga spoilers
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listening to wbn ep 13 and the mental image of the things happening at the same time omfg like, I can see eursulon being imprisoned in the trap and hurting, then ame in a little rowboat dropping a leaf in the sea, hair flowing eyes shining with fury, then naram rising from the water like a kaiju god, THEN SUVI WATCHING THIS FROM EURSULON'S WINDOW HDUDHDDYI FUCJIN CINEMATIC POETRY HAPPENING RN
#I wish I could draw so I could just show what is happening in my mind rn#me hoping someone already drew the exact thing that is going on in my mind rn 😭#wbn#worlds beyond number#wbn 13#eursulon#eursolon the wild one#ame#ame the witch#suvi#suvi the wizard#wbn animated series WHEN
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Pictures and things
#photo diary#image 1 - pretty sky!.. so many sky photos as always#2 & 3 - baby son keeping me company during one of my Sickness days where I kind of just sit on the floor in a blanket#for hours slowly sipping pedialyte and having applesauce and such lol#He likes to bite the squeezy apple sauce pouches.. and try to steal the heating pad#4. Sky again. lighter more scattered fluffy clouds.#5 - greeting card that I drew at someone's request so they could send it to their elderly family member lol.. It's like.. cats baking#in a kitchen I guess? My eternal curse.. being the number one lover of cats in the world yet still somehow barely having a grasp#on their anatomy so they always look ridiculous when I draw them. I have both drawn and looked at cats for my entire life basically#yet somehow those two things do not come together to make me a good cat artist.. alas..#6 - underpart of an outfit I did (and havent yet posted of course because of my evil backlog of onemillion drafted posts)#I took the main dress off the top but thought the underneath part looked cool on it's own as well#7 - more sky.#8 - Mushroom fettucini alfredo. steak. and grilled asparagus. A fun little meal for me though I can't remember the occasion. I think maybe#as a reward for getting my covid booster or something. Though I still feel it's not as much of a reward when I am personally cooking#everything myself at home gjhbjh.. so its like... I'm having to do quite a lot of labor which makes it feel less relaxing I suppose. but eh#a treat in some form. Still cheaper by overall cost than ordering from a restaurant - and also can be customized and prepared#exactly how I like - which is the point. I guess more I just wish I weren't the only cooking person in the house. Everyone could#take turns making special meals for each other rather than like.. ''hmm I feel like having a treat. suppose I shall spend an hour#making it all myself and then feel tired whilst eating it'' lol.. ANYWAY#9 - and then.. you guessed it..MORE sky pictures!!! This time pinky bluey and so on.. huzzah..#A very sky heavy entry into the photo diaries I suppose#The sky in the 1st/7th image is jsut very ethereal seeming to me. something about the way the lighting is behind the clouds. It's#transportive. An interesting sky will make me feel like many other places in time or things I've seen in dreams or something. You get#a sense of being in a different world or like you're looking out over something you once imagined whilst reading a storybook. maybe lol
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Btw seeing gringos trying to dance tango or salsa is so 🫥🫥
Like I don't mind at all bro go off but like put some flavor in there I AM BEGGING i swear u won't die WHERE IS YOUR SOUL DO YOU NOT HAVE A HEART
#tango specifically gives me so much cringe but bc they have such a weird and wrong idea of how tanho is really like#i do not enjoy seeing it butchered#but i do not mind that other people dance it per se i just wish they cared a bit more about how it's traditionally danced#i was thinking about this seeing a gymnast the other day that had i think salsa in her routine?#(idk bc the volume was so low i just had to go by a bit of what i heard and her movements)#SHE WAS STIFF#all her routine was so beautiful and elegant and then that part... it was definitely there#but then i saw a YouTube video nd it was one of those where they teach how to dance x latinamerican rhythm#but the teacher is always yanki and the steps are all numbered and there's squares on the floor telling u where to step#and LISTEN i know it's useful to have a visual representation or a guide at first to figure out the movement#but please that's just at first u can't just go through life overthinking merengue bc u're gonna look dumb#even the teachers look like they are trying to hold a penny between their ass cheeks without it falling while they dance#u have to let go and just feel it at some point#some of our dances are so much more about the feeling or connection with your partner than about the technique#technique is still important but like#i would enjoy much more watching someone who doesn't know every dance so just does a couple basic steps but FEELS the music#and is just enjoying themselves while dancing#than seeing someone who spent an entire year learning every step and turn but they look petrified and scared while dancing#nobody is out to get u sweetheart u can let go PLEASE u're scaring the kids
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My madoka magica hot take is I like sayaka/kyoko as a ship more than madoka/homura
#madoka magica#both ships are very very good and make me feral but god kyoko/sayaka really caters to me#i am biased cuz sayaka is my favorite character lol and i just want good things for her#but i mean we get them as enemies fighting to the death obsessively like sayaka gets so focused on proving herself to kyoko she cant think#of anything else and she wastes her energy fighting her instead of witches and just the foil like#both used their wish to grant something for someone else and kyoko lost everything as a result and decided that nothing good will ever come#of helping others so she should only look after number one and of course shed think that cuz shes all she has left#meanwhile sayaka refuses to take care of herself because she never wants others to suffer so she only exists for others#and both of them change their perspectives in pursuit of each other theyre literally red and blue#and i love seeing the development of their relationship and kyokos feelings i love her offering to kill ryosuke for sayaka#and how terrified she is in that moment when she sees sayakas lifeless body separated from the soul gem#or how she shares her story and remembers why she started fighting because of sayaka and fucking#THE WAY SHE ACTS SELFLESSLY AND STUPIDLY OPTIMISTIC TO SAVE SAYAKA FROM HER WITCH FOR#THE WAY SHE SACRIFICES HERSELF TO CONNECT WITH HER THE LOVE SONG#THEM HOLDING HANDS WHILE SAYAKA CRIES AND KYOKO IS THERE FOR HER AND THEY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER SO WELL#god fucking dammit these fucking gay people are ruining my sleep#yeah idk if its obvious but i have a specific type when it comes to ships i love when characters beat each other up and are the center of#each others motivations and go through the horrors together and come out the other side and love each other deeply#love each others flaws and theres understanding and tenderness#i haaaave to draw them but i also have to draw a lot of blorbos rn alkksk
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Dysprosium, Mary Soon Lee
dysprosium, AN 66, is a silvery-white rare earth metal. its name is derived from the greek dysprositos, meaning “hard to get at”, owing to the difficulty in separating and isolating this rare earth element. dysprosium is used to measure neutron flux, to fuel reactors, and to activate phosphors. terfenol-d is a magnetorestrictive alloy, meaning that it changes shape when a magnetic field is applied, and is used to manufacture underwater acoustic systems.
jason “robo” robertson, dallas stars #21 for @simmyfrobby’s nhl periodic table poems <3
#i had a couple different ideas for poems that were taken by the time i could go deranged for a couple hours to make this but as I looked#i was like WAIT NONE OF YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE JASON ROBERTSON YOU HAVEN’T SEEN MY TEXAS CAM and had to do it. also was STRUCK with the#sudden immaculate vision of the Dallas D as part of terfenol-D and could not get it out & robo is the most dance! person i know on the team#liv in the replies#dallas stars#jason robertson#nhl periodic table poems#guys i am plagued with visions and no execution skills!! every day i come here and learn one new skill on GIMP the way god intended!!!#today it was emboss. also cannot claim any credit for the pulse to the magnetic beat photo which is so cool that was one where i had a#couple and was like maybe i can do like crayon shockwaves like the art process video kasper showed? and then found that picture and was#like thank you lord stanley for knowing my limitations. thank you for your understanding in this moment it was a trial enough to make#expand contract dance and one would THINK i would have fucking learned from the claude animorphs tragedy!! i did not. but i did use the#shear tool and 3D rotate so at least if we’re animorphing it’s SLIGHTLY better. anyway me frantically doing this like WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT#WAIT FOR ME YOU GUYS ARE SO FAST i keep seeing all of these and just spinning around in circles until i get dizzy & fall down I’m so happy#the drive folder for this is just called joy!!!!! because joy this is such a cool idea but now because it brings me so much joy#i just saw the Travis dermott one and burst into tears super normal AND someone did exactly what i wanted with hydrogen which was the water#the ice!!!!! it’s so perfect!!! and cody ofc did silver lord stanley. like does it ever make you cry how beautiful & creative everyone is?#anyway if you see me post and delete this and then update it or change it no you didn’t it’s fine. but i wanted to be included#if i could make the dysprosium letters not have a white background i would I simply could not fuck with it at 1AM. we are hitting send#it may not look like it but i queue#pretend i spoke at length about the reasons why i picked all the pictures & the element just know that it’s there inside my brain u can ask#GUYS I TAKE IT ALL BACK I SAW NEONFRETRA’S ISOTOPES AND I COULD MAKE THE EDITS EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE THERE!! ISOTOPES!!!! YOU GUYS!!!!!!#get ready for the edits then. dylan magnesium my beloved child of stars who can never return… like i wish i could say anyone else but it’s#i KNOW number nineteens bismuth don’t make me Google how many years nolan played hockey but also there’s ej for stable so.. also half-life#actinium claude giroux my beloved… when i saw there already was a claude i thought maybe Brady too for that#I don’t know how but flerovium doubled magic is percolating in my brain as was promethium bad boy because I was like hmmm. tyler. but#couldn’t commit and THEN SOMEONE DID BAD BAD LEROY BROWN TYLER BERTUZZI TO PROMETHIUM AND BESTIE I AM KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH!!! with cons#anyway shane wright germanium with juraj slafkovský but showing him very obviously not missing it. if jack eichel was not an asshole#the narratives WOULD be narrativing. you could argue for a sidovi here with the calder cup and potentially a best friend stealing narrative#(the most recent is cam yorke’s acquisition of jamie d from trevor zegras which would then require a yorkie one for silicon the other side)
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Chappel Roan saying she’s sad she’s demisexual and then there’s me being aroace as a whole like don’t you think I’m even more sad 😭
#not saying she’s not allowed to feel sad at all#just makes me think about myself LOL#I hate being aroace it’s like everyone’s part of a secret club I will never be a part of#and that people don’t tend to understand and if they do they never uphold that fact#like I actually have thrown up before from the concept of being in a relationship because it’s horrifying#and disgusting to me in a practical sense#like I don’t want to throw up every time I start thinking about those things I just want to be normal#and not panic like a relationship sounds like even worse than a death sentence#ppl think aroace is cute and problem free but it’s literally so uncomfortable and inconvenient when you’re in a world which a) doesn’t#understand wth aroace is b) doesn’t respect it at all c) has shit povs on what friendship is and how it can be more fulfilling than somethin#and d) how badly it impacts some ;-; like ik it sounds easy but try telling yourself omg I want to have a forever bestie#but then said forever bestie will never end up truly putting you first because they’d have a partner who will be their number one#and as usual you won’t even be second place you will be last like always#because I’ve noticed that the moment ppl get a partner suddenly they become their forever bestie role and then I can’t have that cause it#freaks me out and disgusts me all at once so I’m literally just cursed with forever feeling lonely and not meaning anywhere near as much to#someone who you wish could even look your way the way you do to them …#honestly by the day these reminders make me feel more and more aplatonic but it’ll simultaneously always feel like a hole in my heart#because apparently being aroace is like being some weird person and some freak#and not in the 𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀𝓎 type of connotation LMAO I mean just plain freak#and then that loneliness will always accumulate and accumulate and accumulate until I physically cannot handle it anymore or I take matters#into my own hands and just off with her head to myself LMAO#dora daily#and that is why despite aroace being cool to me it’s just not placed in an environement which makes it cool#as those assholes tend to say oh meh meh meh you never struggled girl … we’re in the 21st century every person in the lgbt community is#living the life dating who they want and being with who they want#but allegedly it is but a crime I can’t like anyone and that nobody fucking listens to me when I say I have an attraction deficit#and that they take it upon their hands to define what I’m attracted to or head canon me as whatever they are#I swear I’m not even fucking worth that shit just leave me alone 😭#I promise like if I was with somebody they will regret the day they were born by being with me LOL I am not all that in fact me being aroace#is saving them from torture ☠️ anyways ! rant over :3
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,
#i feel so helpless when i see people being so down on themselves#the community is definitely smaller now and i get why but for those that remain and continue to create#to think that it’s something they’re doing wrong - IT ABSOLUTELY ISN’T#and i wish i could do something to make everyone believe that#i wanna hug everyone and tell them how bright they still make this community - or what remains of it - still so cosy and lovely#whether it’s someone i don’t know in the tag or one of my friends it stings still#this community has some of the most exceptional talent i’ve ever seen -#talent in every form - and as someone that has gone through many fandoms and hate at their creations i tend to not look at numbers anymore#but i get it why people do - i get it SO MUCH#to not get the recognition - it hurts. i get it!#but i’ve learned over time that there are COUNTLESS ‘ghost readers’ or ‘ghost viewers’ that see and appreciate your work but just don’t-#interact with it - i was one of those people up until january this year!#my ao3 was already flooded with qsmp fics before i made this blog and i didn’t have the fitpacs account yet so didn’t leave kudos or anyth#but my point is - i get entirely why it’s easy to get wrapped up#i’ve been there but honestly - you are so appreciated#and i know me saying this makes no difference and i don’t expect to#but i love and appreciate this community with my whole heart#and whether you are someone i speak to a lot or we’ve never spoken at all - thank you for your beautiful creations#it’s a real shame how things went down behind the scenes obviously#but it’s so beautiful that so many people still have such passion to create#and if there is ANYTHING i can do to help build peoples spirits with regards to this please let me know#this community has done so much for me (more than you know) and i really want to give#something back
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it’s always when I have things to be doing that this happens but it’s like. I don’t know I’ve gone so far into weird love territory and I’ve been here so long that when I go back and really look at canon it’s like it’s new to me. because like do you ever think about how hanzawa masato just sort of DECIDED that tashiro would be the next captain of the ping pong club. like it wasn’t a recommendation or anything that decision was made. and absolutely if tashiro genuinely GENUINELY didn’t want to do it nothing bad would have really happened, someone else could have done it, sure. you know? but at the end of the day tashiro, in the midst of his running away, had that thought, like. not in a thought bubble but in a b Hold on
in the narration box. like it’s not a fleeting in-the-moment thought like the whole poor shmuck thing. I’m not explaining this well. it’s just you get the impression that tashiro thinks about things a lot and also tangentially kind of thinks about his hanzawa senpai a lot and that realization of burden is so significant to tashiro that he takes on the position of captain
and he doesn’t look him in the face when he does it, and I love it. I love when things are indirect and subtle and sort of reluctant because it’s human and speaks to sincerity and tashiro’s grounded…ness that he isn’t unflinchingly happy to do it. he still doesn’t really want to do it. but he will. and he’ll do it WELL. because and this so matters hanzawa masato just sort of DECIDED that tashiro would be the next captain of the ping pong club because he knows tashiro and has been watching tashiro as a fun kouhai who he likes a lot and who makes him laugh like literally no one else in the world, and he knows that he would be a good president because he is, amongst other relevant things, a good person. the right kind of good person! he wouldn’t have forced tashiro to do it because frankly he couldn’t REALLY force tashiro to do it, tashiro has a way of getting around things (pudding head….) but he decided tashiro would be captain, because he knows tashiro, and tashiro decided to take that on, because he sees hanzawa. he decided that tashiro would be captain, and tashiro decided to accept that decision because hanzawa decided correctly.
and tashiro cares, and encourages his senpai to rest, and we get the FUCKING.
that just speaks VOLUMES. hanzawa masato who notoriously stays busy for at least one of two known reasons that sound a little contradictory but aren’t actually is resting right now. hanzawa masato who is so weird and so unknowable to his juniors is wearing a small smile that, unlike so many of his other ones (ominous as they are, usually), shows for only contentment. he’s resting right now. like the tashiro gonzaburou hanzawa masato dynamic IS so weird I’m not delusional for that. but my favorite thing that I think I do a really bad job of showing is that their exchanges go back and forth and are so much fun for the both of them, and it’s exactly like PING PONG. well matched and silly and hanzawa masato knows tashiro gonzaburou and if tashiro gonzaburou doesn’t know hanzawa masato he sure as hell sees him, and wants to know him, just a little at least, and it’s all so much. I’m resting right now. fuck. anyway
#bangs fist on the floor. is on the floor.#hanzawa to tashiro#hanzashiro#and really the fact that tashiro is hiding around the corner to hear the milk tea exchange with miyano. and then brings him some#ASSUMING HE DIDN’T ALREADY KNOW. it’s just like. i wish i was more comfortable writing tashiro he’s so much to me#silly little guy for sure. but intentionally taking on a burden for someone else when it’s explicitly something he doesn’t want to do#(or maybe just something he felt he wasn’t qualified to do. depends. probably both)#and doing well at it. the person hanzawa masato is trusting in the most.#just. someone who doesn’t want to be responsible but will be and someone who old people LOVE and someone who accepts things without judgment#and someone who will hide in a box on the floor to hide from his senpai and just as well walk right up to him and hide his face#and accept the trust masato was putting in him.#like this of all things isn’t really a burden to masato because he’s. he’s RESTING right now. of all the pies he has fingers in#this might actually be his favorite. for a number of reasons that are mostly speculative#but it’s SYMBOLIC of a burden. am i making any sense at all. i might not be#masato is giving this one away because it’s not really a burden to him exactly. but tashiro is taking it because he feels it’s a burden but.#how do i say this. it’s not a burden to masato but it IS a weight on his shoulders whether he realizes it or not#and tashiro takes it from him—not unreluctantly—because he cares. because he wants masato to rest.#i think talking this long is manifesting a tin cap on my head. i should go#dirtbrain digression#tldr it IS weird love. but just not AS weird or the KIND of weird that i’d have it be. haaaah i’m sick
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I know we say this almost every day but I can't believe how much people hate mitch... even when presented with clear facts on his value they refuse to acknowledge it
#im kind of ummm sick to my stomach#like hes tied for second on the team for this series#which is the same number as willy and on less than auston and i dont see people calling for their heads so whats up with that#you just know people were drafting up their posts waiting for the leafs to lose the series so they could write their little think pieces#about how hes not good enough and needs to be traded away#i know they never would bc of media training but wish one of his teammates would say something in media defending him#thank you willy for saying he doesnt want the core to change <3#but i want someone to be like “umm actually mitch is irreplaceable so can you all stfu” lmao#talking to myself
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literally so bummed out I might cry
#I know this isn't a normal reaction at all#sigh#personal#feeling left out all the time is so exhausting it's so frustrating it's so fucking sad#it's the feeling that you're never really welcome#the internet gives you acess to things but up till a certain point#you never get the full experience you never have the same fun#you're not even just a number you're a number no one cares about that much so you're not included#sorry guys just feeling ugh#I hope someone out there gets it and feels seen by this#there is a chance it might get me hate instead but yk I kinda welcome it instead of this feeling#I wish I could ever feel truly a part of the phandom but it's times like these that I see we never will be#which is one of the biggest reasons I left during II era it was just a horribl#e feeling seeing them go on tour after tour and knowing the videos got neglected and all that mattered were people who could go#aka not most of the world#I don't think I ever managed not to be bitter towards any of their tours tbh#it just sucks#to everyone else who doesn't get to go
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I’ve got a bizarre and predictable cycle of making friends getting very excited about hanging out and seeing them a lot and then becoming terrified and tired of hanging out and it’s annoying
#trying to make plans to hang out with my classmate tomorrow and now I’m worried we’ll be together for too long#not even in like a there’s nothing to do and it will suck way. like. I’m excited for it. but there’s a little voice in my head that wants#to change my phone number and leave because it’s too hard or maybe I’m boring him or something. which is silly. I don’t think he’d want to#hang out if he didn’t enjoy spending time with me. I guess it’s just strange not seeing someone every day in the context of work or school.#most of my friends are friends because I have to see them every day and not anymore#well and I also feel a little bad then I’m not spending time with my sibling for all this but also I know we’d just sit around and watch#YouTube until they needed to lay down for a couple hours. this will be more fun but I feel guilty.#grrr. I just wish I were better at socializing and understanding these situations.#there’s a group hang tonight after we get dinner. so that’ll be nice I think. even though at the last one I just ended up wishing it was#just us two hanging out. until we walked back to our cars. then I like ran away. because I am me and I am afraid or social interactions I#have not experienced before. that was the time I tried convincing myself I might give him a birthday kiss in the cheek but that is very#stupid. what a way to torpedo a friendship.#anyway. rant rant rant. bitch bitch bitch.
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Recent game related things .. hrmm...
#I do like the inconsistency of the first map. that is actually something older but that I re-found and added to my Game Reference stuff#so that when characters reference where they're from I can be accurate. I like that the whole map is kind of shifted up that way. Where the#actual south part doesnt even count as the south since its Too Far and Scary lol. and if you say you're from 'the north' thats basically#like.. one single continent. Though some people do make distinctions like 'north midlands' or etc. still. I like the ways that common#language isn't always precisely accurate like that. and thinking about why a culture would classify things a certain way or etc. etc.#The inventory page is so funny to me because it's literally just the BASe like.. sample layout just to make sure it works properly with 0#actual design into it. just colored rectangles thrown together in MS paint. but what if I like... left it like that.. what if all the other#art in the game and UI is like stylized and fully matching BUT the inventory/journal/etc. screens I just left as plain colored blocks#with random misalignments and black spots and etc gjhbhjj... It looks unfinished in a Funny Contrast way to me.#the wordcounts are just like... my past few days of writing.. I am still not getting 2200 words a day done or whatever I needed. I'm lucky#if it's even half of that .... tee hee.. :3c I do also keep having appointments and other things going on but..grrr...#The full map of the area is probably not necessary but I thought it would be more realisitc if people were able to reference things. Like i#you have people all living in a city area probably at some point someone might mention a neighboring city or some landmark nearby#or etc. so I thought having at least the basic names of what's around for reference would be sensible. A side character mentioning#'oh yeah I don't live here full time I just travel from Marisene sometimes' or whatever makes it seem more like a Real#Fleshed Out Place than people just making vague references like 'the river' or 'i come from a city nearby' or 'i went to a place somewhere#around here' or 'the other city' or etc. lol.. Especially since global cities/global areas are weird as they operate almost like an#independent country within their walls. so it's like a micro country inside of another country usually. just plopped down in some agreed#upon plot of land that won't be too disruptive to the main country around it. That could get very complex depending on the cultural and#political backdrop of where they're placed (though obviously they try to choose the 'easiest' areas possible for it). Asen is a very mild#country without much history of conflict or anything so it's fine. But still interesting that Sifeh and the entire branched out global area#border three other districts of Asen. Which means like 3 times the local representitives you'l have to negotiate with for some major change#or anything. I think one of the 'random characters you can find around the world and have short discussions with just to make the area#feel more populated and real even though theyre not actual important npcs' is going to be a guy who actually serves on the council that#handles running the global areas and he's like.. some perpetually exhausted middle aged elf running around with a clipboard or whatever#ANYWAY...... hrgh... still trying to write when I can....#I WISH so badly that I had the scope for a simple character creation menu and all character interactions would allot for the background#of your player character. And also to have a simple day night cycle where places in the world you explore/people you talk to during the day#have new options or dialogue at night.. BUT alas... I already am so behind on everything as is lol.. aughhh... T o T#As the worlds number one Needless Detail And Complexity Enjoyer i must dilligently prevent myself from adding additional complexity
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