#I wish I could just disappear…..
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Dude it’s fucking nuts that the world just keeps on going and people just keep on dying.
#there’s never enough time#it’s always the second I think I’m getting through something else happens#It’s KCH’s family member and I am being strong and keeping it together for him#but fucking christ this shit is legit traumatizing fam#he called me at work to tell me and I shut down and went numb IMMEDIATELY#not even because I’m sad#I mean I am#but the call came and I was frozen for what felt like 20 years but was actually a few seconds#just frozen while my brain went through that whole fucking day again#when will I stop being afraid of answering a call that tells me someone else I love is dead?#it’s not about me though. this isn’t about me. I’m not trying to#I just….am trying to be a good wife ok#but idk if I am?#idk if I can continue to be?#with like helping with the grief#but I’m at such a loss man#I’ll do whatever it takes for him#I just don’t know if it’s enough#and i don’t know if my psyche will survive it#was already spiraling because August is closing in#like what do I do? how do I get better for him?#I am tryingggggggggggggggggg#I wish I could just disappear…..
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a beautiful sight 🌟 concavenator
gonna be the last art of this year. it was a tough one, but with a glimpse of hope for the future, for which i'm really grateful. i've done a lot of art this year, personal and for the studio too. manifesting next year to be a dream come true (please let me be happy and free) happy new year everyone! 💙
#strangely this art for me is about the past and the future at the same time#a ghost of the past?#a sign of a happy future?#or just hope?#depends on how u see it#ah as usual my personal paleoart is about dinosaurs and my silly delusions :D#i wish i could see that in person. i'd probably cry for days#a pretty ghostly dinosaur silhouette in the fog. that is here for a second. and then disappears forever#making u think did i really see that or it's just my imagination#things...................#anyway!#barghestland#paleoland#paleoart#art#artists on tumblr#concavenator
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*awkwardly tense and silent family dinner in Mirkwood with King Thranduil*
Thranduil:....
Legolas:...
Gimli:....
Legolas: Daddy, can you pass the salt?
Thranduil: Of course, ion nin *reaches*
Gimli: Aye, amrâlimę *also reaches*
Gimli: 😨
Legolas: 😰
Thranduil: 👁👁
#Thranduil grabbing his sword: i just wanna talk to him#Thranduil#Legolas#Gimlas#Gigolas#Wish the eye emoji could be blue lmao#Gloin is there too trying to disappear
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#Kirby#Kirby memes#Bandana Waddle Dee#Bandana Dee#Parasol Waddle Dee#Sailor Waddle Dee#Sailor Dee#rip Sailor Dee not appearing in a game since 2011#I think my one complaint about Kirby as a series is that characters outside of the main four are often forgotten about or never used again#like I feel like every game will introduce a new character and then we maybe see them just one or two more times before they disappear#and don’t get me wrong I do enjoy seeing new characters introduced in new games#but I do wish that the characters that already exist would be acknowledged more or given more depth and development#because I feel like there’s a lot of potential there like we could see so many more stories or games involving them#I feel like there’s a lot of potential for more Magolor Epilogue type of stuff with other characters#I think it’d be nice to see what all the former antagonists have been up to after the end of their games#I think that Star Allies kind of does this a little bit but just on a surface level not more in depth#this is why I like exploring this stuff in my fanart lmao like if HAL/Nintendo won’t do it I’ll do it myself
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but who told them all my distorted thoughts lmao
#miraculous ladybug#marigami#ladynoir#kagami#perfection#neurodivergent#autism#adhd#audhd#unmasking#mlb#mlb s5#mlb caps#mlb capspam#and not ladybug trying to be a CBT therapist or something lol#i think DBT might help you more kagami chan#i know distorted thoughts is a CBT term but i'm just starting to explore DBT#what's their term automatic negative thoughts or something? that does make more sense#i don't wish anyone would disappear i just always isolate myself#and used to feel sad about it but now it feels kind of peaceful#i still have my family though so that helps#but i've accepted i don't have the energy to be social right now i only have enough capacity for work and family#and maybe someday i can try to (re)build friendships again idk#just like kagami i don't know how to be : (#i do also hate being perceived and wish i could be a hermit sometimes lol#i used to be so certain about what the “perfect” i wanted to strive for was and had so many rules for myself in order to appear acceptable#but now that i know i was being excessively literal and perfect doesn't exist - i don't know what's acceptable or safe or “normal” enough#i feel like i'm in a cocoon or something trying to figure out who i am#but i'm so different from how i was when i was trying to be perfect idk if anyone will like or accept this version of me#i'm also so shell shocked from life the past few years everything is hard lol
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Has anyone ever thought of the possibility of people in hisui getting a magazine from AFTER ingo and akari go home with either or both of them on it. Like they've already left and lo and behold in the tail end of the entire mess a magazine appears with one of them on the cover looking fresh stunning and most importantly happy. If it were Ingo i feel like he'd be all dressed up goth on the cover of like Vogue or something lmao (i don't think he wouldn't get famous if he wasn't already after coming home. Theyd want the publicity+cool extint Pokémon on the cover). If it were akari shed probably be like posing all badass like the badass teenager she is, scars in full view (she's a survivor!!!!!!). Inside is a little tidibit of their life after coming home. It would be both funny as hell to see them react to how they are in their element and like connect the dots for their strange behaviors AND bring closure to the people they left in hisui. They may never know this but the people in the past do
If anyone uses this idea tag me i may or may not read it but i want to know if you liked it enough to do something with it. I'll probably just keep daydreaming to myself about it lol
Edit: btw there's a whole section talking about everyone's battle prowess and the battle subway for the funnies. Just so you know
#ingo#ingo pokemon#subway boss ingo#submas ingo#pokemon ingo#warden ingo#akari#pokemon akari#akari pokemon#why do they have so may tags#anyway hello people this idea has plagued me mind enough for me to make a dramatic comeback to the tags#i will now disappear again for untold amounts of time#i wish i could be here#but my brain decided to do a funny and annhilate me with ten thousand ocd beams every time i see a smidge of content-#-that even vaguely implies angst. even in my mind lol (<-suffering from the horrors)(doing FAR *FAR* better than i was even just-#-a few months ago tho. just get the occasional panic moment. ig we cant have everything)#anyway goodbye gamers see you in five to ten business months#submas positivity#oh btw last thing emmet is def there with him#maybe not on the cover but in other photos inside of the magazine they all posed together#yes elesa also#i have such a clear view of this curse my undeveloped drawing abilities#jkjk im not being mean to myself lol im getting better#just imagine him on the cover posing with chandelure and sneasler and zoroark in the background and theyre all menacing#except him cause hes smiling so genuenly happy and like kind looking. something something ghosts don't have to be scary
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hey has anyone else noticed that the minotaur REACHES UP TOWARDS THE SKY DURING ITS DEATH ANIMATION because i'm really not okay about it
(disabled blood & gore to make it easier to see)
#ultrakill#minotaur#i realised this a while ago but only just bothered to record good footage of it and have yet to see another mention it#screams and cries and wails#i'm so sorry baby i wish i could show you the sky :[#i know this is sad but it comically disappearing with no gore explosion did make me giggle just a little bit
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there is a powerful need inside of me to draw them but unfortunately i can't draw so i was suddenly compelled to create these instead (i have homework please save me)
here are the color palettes i associate with some of the main tma cast. the vibes called to me (ft. my awful finger handwriting)
do with them what you will — they just feel right to me (i haven't looked at any fan art yet besides like one or two drawings of john and maybe martin and melanie)
#idk why but gertrude just feels like three colors to me#no more & no less#GOSHH I WISH I COULD ART!!!!!! but alas i fear that if i try my mental images of them will disappear or change#tma#the magnus archives#tma john#tma martin#tma tim#tma elias#tma gertrude#tma daisy#jon and elias had odd numbers of colors (i made them messily the other day and reorganized today) so i couldnt organize theirs into rows#oh well!!! daisy's includes light grey btw - it is very close to white but i didnt feel like doing white because no reason#ummmm let me know how accurate this is?? i guess? yippee#upon further reflection i might modify daisy's. it's not meant to come across as soft but it kinda looks that way i dont know lol#i am not sure why i didn't include green in martin's cuz the letter M is very green to me#and he just seems like he'd be.. forest green lima green sage green#vaguely — maybe in his teacups or earrings or sweaters#tma no spoilers#tma.txt
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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Jojo Siwa is a cautionary tale against giving a stage mom any amount of power
#she's cringe but i mostly just feel bad for her#Jessalynn Siwa is a nightmare#i wish Jojo could disappear from the spotlight for a while and just let herself be a person for a while
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I'm so down bad for Maddox and Ashlyn that my three favourite scenes are:
3. The Redlyn breakup - the chillest break up, Red supporting Ashlyn going after Maddox and the most insane storyline of Red realising he's bi because he kisses Seb
2. Just the entirety of Maddox during opening night - having an existential breakdown over your love life that you break the sound controls and then just give up on your stage manager duties and disappear (probably to help quinn)
1. The confession - a scene I want on repeat: the explanations of how afraid they are of how much they like the other then the "should we just stay friends?" Before having such a love induced make out their just completely ignore Carlos being there. (Also Maddison giving up and telling Maddox to stop coming back to her when she clearly likes Ashlyn... my baby just needed that push)
I love all my queer children but these two are the wlw so I love them just slightly more.
#the hilarity of EJ seeing Maddox so focused on Ash that she forgot his question at the end of s3 that he immediately went and#CARVED THEIR NAMES INTO A TREE WITH HEART TO SHOW THEM WHEN THEY FINALLY GOT TOGETHER#i love them all#also i will not take arguments about the most crack storyline#Seb and Red kissing came out of no where and hit me like a metal chair#the french guy not actually being french and liking red felt right in my soul#granted i literally dont remember s2 and barely recognised him nevermind remember anything that happened between him and Ash#and jared(?) was just annoying#he showed up ruined madlyn first kiss admitted he liked carlos and then disappeared#its definitely a season i will rewatch at some point soon maybe as well as season 3#hsmtmts#high school musical#madlyn#maddox x ashlyn#ashlyn caswell#hsmtmts season 4#high school musical the musical the series#im sad its the end i wish i could have an entire season of just madlyn fluff#but im happy with two seasons of pinning and a brilliant confession
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You said that if you dated Peter or Wade it would make you miserable. Which– Okay fair, Wade does have a history of purposely hurting the people he loves.
But what about Peter? Why do you think dating him would make you miserable?
because I’ll always know I had the option to climb a 6’8 cyborg and I passed that up for a sweaty little twunk that I perpetually have to remind to bathe (sorry peter)
#I don’t know. I don’t think peter is good boyfriend material. I think his insecurities would get exhausting.#Wade has bottomless patience. me… I don’t know. I don’t think I could. I’ve got my own stuff going on. I don’t want a Project.#peter is definitely a project. and he needs someone with shed loads of patience and perseverance.#me I just. I wanna have a good time. so. come to me my big beautiful time traveller. whisk me away.#take me to the beach. you can disappear after I don’t mind I’m not needy. just spend a beautiful romantic week with me.#sci speaks#I don’t really know what kind of person I’m compatible with really actually.#all my relationships have been. pretty short.#and I don’t think it’s any fault of my own really. and I don’t feel any loss over them at all. like at all. I wish I did. but I don’t.#a sci has so very thankfully never felt heartbreak.#but it makes me kind of question what kind of person I am when it comes to this sort of thing.#because I really don’t know.#I don’t know if I want commitment. I don’t even know if I want sex these days.#I … weirdly… am so devoid of yearning these days. like I feel content right now on my own. I don’t even feel lonely.#I used to yearn but I think I’ve moved past it. and I kind of just want to have a good time.#and that doesn’t even . involve a relationship or anything anymore. like I don’t think I want one actually. it feels like I’m Over it.#it’s kind of great because I’ve never felt so calm in a long time. all because I decided that I don’t. actually Need anything.#I don’t need anything more than what I have. and that’s brought me rest after So Long being restless.#but if a massive time traveller came and whisked me away on sexy adventures how could I say no
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I hate being so irritated that I’m holding back tears, and I hate that that’s the only time I cry
#mentally drained#irritated#why am i this way#sorry for being depressing#i hate me so much#depressing shit#tw depressing stuff#tw depressing thoughts#mental problems#anxitey#mental health#tw sui ideation#might kms#i wish i could disappear#why do i exist#i can’t be helped#why do i do this to myself#i hate ppl#just fuck off#you’re on your own kid#you’re losing me#just let me go#why do you hate me#am i the only who does this?#i cant do this#i cant help it#im a loser#who does this#i wish i could cry#why am i crying
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also, because it's been so hot, i spent forever 'chicken proofing' under the porch so now they can go under there and lay in the dirt and they LOVE it. they spent all day yesterday under there and it was like 35 degrees outside so i think that was a wise move.
#even if it took forever and it was not fun!#loyal talks about stuff and things#sometimes i wish i could like. stream my life.#'cause y'all just see me post a couple of rivals things and disappear for an hour or two and repeat.#the stuff i get up to klsdfklds
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Ten twirls Rose around sometimes when he needs a quick escape.
It's a win-win for both of them, he thinks! Rose always seems to enjoy, even if it's usually sudden and out of nowhere, and Ten gets to make her smile and slip away before she can even figure out what's just happened.
#I woke up in a haze and this is the first thing that popped into my brain#in my head they dance okay they dance and this is so so normal for them she doesn't even think twice about it#he spins her around and she loves it!!#(usually. when he's not doing it to make her purposely confused anyways)#like she's talking but he's just had an idea and doesn't want her to follow him so he grabs her hands and gives her a twirl#so she'll lose track of him and perhaps be a bit less angry when he suddenly disappears when she rights herself#she'll give a little huff when she realizes instead of being fun he's just tricked her but it's still fond#are you following? you should be#wish I could beam my thoughts perfectly into words on the screen it's so cute in my head#timepetals#tenrose#tenth doctor#rose tyler#doctor who
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Date concept: you're sitting on my kitchen table with heart eyes while I peel potatoes and carrots. We're both going hard on the Ascensionism rap.
#self care is making a nice meal and listening to the entire eep discography while belting out those delicious harmonies#and wine too 😌🍷#i just sang “you make me wish i could disappear” to a poor potato wedge 😔 you did nothing wrong sweet tuber 🥔
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