#I think that Star Allies kind of does this a little bit but just on a surface level not more in depth

[sweetandglovelyart]

[revelboo]

The way I SCREAMED when I saw the latest update to "Everything is Alright" bestie I am SHOOK

Ha. Sorry. It’s been a week away and it’s only Monday and I tend to take it out on the characters

Everything is Alright Pt 79

IDW Starscream x Reader, Soundwave x Reader, Megatron x Reader

• Telling you every awful, deceitful thing your Seeker has done should have delighted him. A petty bit of revenge against him. But it just leaves him oddly hollow inside to watch your shoulders droop, little hands curling into fists in your lap. Because he’s told you all of it. Watching your eyes close as he told you how Starscream had boobytrapped a weapon’s shipment after the Autobots kept intercepting and stealing them, but hadn’t bothered to disarm it when it had gone to potential Decepticon troops, spinning their deaths as Autobot tampering to keep the blame from himself and to stir unrest. Every awful thing he can remember, he’s laid out for you. “Do you know why I keep that treacherous creature around despite his many murder attempts?” He asks, his amusement fading some when you just shake your head, refusing to look at him. Because saying it all out loud has left him only tired down to his spark. “To remind myself to trust no one, pet.”

• Had Star really dragged the dead body of an enemy through a battlefront, throwing their broken body down in front of their allies and laughed? Had he really done all those things? He’s not like that, you don’t want to believe he’s a monster, because he’s never hurt you. You don’t want to believe he’s capable of any of those things. Understand they’re at war, but some of it is just so callous and unfeeling. Like he can’t care about anything beyond his own ambition. Do you really know him? Or do you only see what he’s allowed you to see? Megatron must be wrong, you need him to be, because you love Star and if he is a monster, that love is only going to hurt you. Flinching when Megatron tips your chin up, you feel the tears trekking down your face and you hate him for it. For making you question everything. “It’s better that you know,” he says, deep voice soft like he’s doing you a kindness, not destroying you.

• Can feel your distress, that awful ache stringing him tight, making Soundwave disobey and enter the bridge without even an excuse. Because he can’t think of a reason to return before being summoned when he sees you crying silently, feels your pain like it’s his own. “Lord Megatron,” he begins, wanting to reach out and pick you up. Soothe away that pain. You’re not hurt physically and it’s a relief, but what did Megatron say to upset you like this?

• “Take the human,” Megatron growls, spark twisting unpleasantly as you cry. Knows you’re too innocent to survive Starscream, far too trusting to understand he’s using you. Even if Megatron can’t understand what his game is, there must be a plan there. The Seeker’s never does anything without a reason. But there’s no pleasure in breaking you, it just leaves him oddly tired as Soundwave picks you up and holds you close. Making him wonder about his and the Seeker’s claim that you’re a pet. And he hasn’t lied, it’s better that you understand the monster you’re defending. That you expect the betrayal.

• Cradled in Soundwave’s hands, you wonder if he’s as bad as Star. As bad as their leader must also be and you feel like a fool. Because you do love them, both of them. Wonder if they know, if it’s funny to them how trusting you are. And it hurts even as you just want to pretend it away. “Little one?” Lingering in the hall outside the bridge, gentle servos tip your chin up and carefully wipe away the tears. And somehow that makes it even worse, that careful touch after hearing all of that. And you just want to go home. To get away from them if it’s all true.

• “Was he telling the truth about Star?” You ask and his spark constricts. Even not knowing what Megatron told you, he can guess. Because it’s no secret the lengths Starscream has gone to in the past, it’s why he’d worried over you staying with the Seeker to begin with. But after seeing you with him, he’d realized something had shifted. That Starscream was trying to change because of you. And you turn your face away when he doesn’t answer, doesn’t deny the seeker’s past. Because he can’t lie to you even as your misery echoes through him, becoming his own.

• The moon is up, a thin sharp sliver cutting through the thin clouds when he returns to base to find the bridge dark, worry twisting through him. Had Megatron kept you? Does he dare go to his quarters and ask to have you back? Wings flicking, he heads to Soundwave’s quarters instead. Finds the communications officer still awake, bent over his desk. And you sitting on the edge as far from him as you can get, your eyes red when you look up at him. It’s the odd emptiness in your expression though that stops him short just inside the doorway. Because you always smile for him, always glad to see him. Anger creeping in all over again as his optics slide to Soundwave. Knowing this is all his fault. Whatever this is, he’s brought you both to this point. Betrayed you and him. “What did he tell you?” He asks, raspy voice soft and sickle sharp as the moon outside.

Previous

Next

[honeyrotsoul]

so, i was thinking about adult Natalie’s hair last night. (weird, i know, but walk with me.) the reason i was thinking about it is because i own a lot of wigs and was thinking of cutting one into a bob until my own hair recovers but that’s beside the point. WHEN I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT, i realized that this is the shortest we see natalie’s hair in the series. her hair in her arrest photo is closer to her original style, and we know that it grows out in the wilderness (obviously.) and i know that not every style choice means something. like it could just be as simple as not messing with juliette’s own hair that much. but i was wondering if nat’s hair could be another symbol of rejecting the wilderness and the past. visually, it looks kind of close to what we would expect from nat stylistically. there’s the layers and the messiness, but no bangs and no length - not even the length she preferred. it’s like simultaneously reaching for the past while rejecting the part of her that lived in the wilderness. (and still not letting go of it that same time, e.g. no bangs) she wants to move forward. she wants to forget who she was and what she did, so she can be the person Coach Ben thought she was. but she ultimately fails. she reverts back to her younger self, just when she thought she was finally getting better. it’s a relapse, but a different kind. because Natalie thinks she’s moving forward, she thinks she’s got everything under control and no longer relates to that version of herself, but she’s actually trapped. she’s still stuck in the in between somewhere, and she doesn’t even realize it until it’s all over. her mannerisms stay the same. who she is internally stay the same. it is only the physical aspect that she rejects.

and that got me thinking about how ALL of the girls’ hair as adults kind of reflects who they are and where they are in their journey.

tai’s hair is closer to where it was pre-crash. (specifically in that classroom scene.) she chides van for being stuck in the past, but in this way, she’s also reaching for it. it’s longer than it was in the past, so she’s trying to grow, but she also isn’t. wilderness tai cut her hair, and adult tai wants to appear normal so she goes the complete opposite. she runs. time and time again, we see that tai wants to be a leader. she wants to be in control. but when things get too much for her, when they don’t go her way, she runs. she likes to think that she fights for what she wants, but, really, she only fights enough to say she tried. (see: simone and sammy. she made a few attempts, and then she went back to van. yes, this was other tai, but other tai is still tai - she just doesn’t want to accept that, because other tai is a reflection of who she truly is. the deepest parts of her, the things she actually wants in life, etc.) this is why tai never got the chance to be captain in spite of being the best player on the team (the latter part being a fact which is canon - tai was the star player) when it comes to stepping up, tai puts in effort, but somehow, someway, she falls short. with simone, with van, with being a captain. (Allie is a good indicator of this. jackie was the captain because she cared about all of them and every angle. tai couldn’t be captain because she was ruthless. she cared about some of them, but not the weak link. jackie saw vulnerability as something to be nurtured, whereas tai saw it as something that needed to be cut out. she expects everyone to live up to the same amount of pressure she puts on herself. tai wants to be a star, and if you can’t shine as brightly as she does, you have to go.) that is why, when it comes to emulating herself, tai falls just a little short. hair is a little too long, the outfit she put on to go home is just a little bit off, etc.

on the flip side of that, van’s hair is pretty much unchanged. similar length to where it was pre-crash, sort of in between the two. she hasn’t changed it much. it’s comforting, familiar, and right where she wants to be. van doesn’t consciously embrace the wilderness, but she doesn’t consciously reject it either. she’s willing to fall back into those old patterns if you nudge her just the right way. van’s hair shows that she’s stuck in the past in ways that even she doesn’t realize. everyone else grew up and moved on. she stayed there, and she’s still waiting for everyone else to come home.

shauna’s hair is closer to where it was pre-crash, but not exactly. it’s a similar length, similar styling, but not always exact. some episodes it’s perfect, sometimes it’s too wavy, too straight, appears shorter, etc. she’s trying to be good girl shauna in the hope that it will erase her sins, even if she doesn’t exactly remember what it looks like. (even the theory of ghost jackie’s hair changing could add to this point - shauna is reaching for her past but forgetting what it actually looked like.)

lottie’s hair mimics pre-crash the least. while nat has rejected her wilderness image, lottie embraces it. she’s still there. she keeps the length, the choice to not cut it again because she feels closer to it that way. she knows she wouldn’t have been able to cut it in the wilderness, so she doesn’t cut it now either so that it knows she’s still faithful. still loyal even though it cut her off. she even keeps the middle part. the most noticeable attribute to this is her bangs. pre-crash lottie had a full fringe. wilderness lottie’s bangs grew out, but if you look closely you can see remnants on the sides. meanwhile, adult lottie has curtain bangs. versatile enough where she can blend them like wilderness lottie, or leave them on show like pre-crash lottie. like she tried, but not hard enough because she no longer sees anything pre-wilderness as a reflection of herself.

misty’s hair is the most different, but also so similar. she hasn’t touched the color, but she’s chopped off the extra length and her curls are more manageable. this is because Misty wants to be seen as in control. she wanted to be a leader, someone others could depend on, but was always rejected. this way, she blends. she looks normal and tame, like she has her shit together even though, deep down, she knows she’s unhinged. but you wouldn’t know that from looking at her, because that’s exactly the point. she wants to look ordinary so people will like her, but they’ll also underestimate her. and her hair also nods towards one of her favorite people, Natalie, because both have changed their appearance in favor of something shorter. (albeit for different reasons.) who better to emulate, if she wants to be liked, than her best friend and the coolest person she knows? adult misty neither rejects nor accepts her part in the wilderness. she just accepts helped for she is, and that includes every part of - past, present, and future. adult misty has learned to adapt, like a chameleon.

and lastly, just like nat, adult Travis has rejected the wilderness completely. he cut his hair shorter than ever, so short you can barely see the waves. he ignores the fact that his destructive tendencies and addiction are a reflection of wilderness Travis, because he wants to believe that he’s evolved. that he’s better than that. keeping his hair short and neat emulates the most respectable person he knows - his father. he wants to be a man that his father would have respected, not realizing that that idea is already out of reach.

oh, and a bonus: melissa. melissa has barely changed. her hair is a similar length and color, if not a little warmer and a little thinner. she’s tamed herself down, tried to be normal, but this reflection of herself is still slightly off and, deep down, she knows it. same hat, same style, same mannerisms and ways of dressing. she tried to be boring. not because shauna said she was, but because boring felt safer. except this life she tried to build is all a lie. she is not the woman she’s trying to reflect, and that’s why you see it in her appearance. she judges shauna for her behavior, but they are two sides of the same coin. shauna learned how to fake it, but she is still wilderness shauna. melissa learned how to fake it too, but she is also still wilderness melissa. except this time, she’s not going to pull punches and back down. melissa never grew. she wants to believe she did but, just like Van, she’s still there. still waiting for everyone else to come back. wilderness melissa never left, she just got stronger.

in conclusion, yes, this is a reach. however, in black culture and many others, there is the theory that hair holds memories. so, this is me reaching into that. just for funsies. i love my yellowjackets.

[desertduality]

Trustfall

Ao3

Just a little thing I wrote to explore the Jimmy and Scar dynamic. Set loosely after session two. Enjoy! <3

Night comes, and Scar can't hide from his feelings anymore. They catch up to him - like everything does, eventually. Scar can never run fast enough.

He's on another mountain, this one green and pink and bright, bordered by tall shoots of bamboo and topped with cherry blossom trees, decorated with growing wheat fields and pens that - sometimes - house sheep and cows. It's all so... alive. So beautiful. So fragile.

The beauty of it is not the surprising part. It's not even that he spent the better part of the day eating dirt or leaves or shovels. No, the strangest thing on the mountain is the people. The strangest thing about them is that they're there at all. With Scar. On purpose.

He can't quite figure it out. The why of it. Jimmy had made it look so easy to say he would stay, like he couldn't think of a million reasons not to. And then Lizzie, who he had invited, and then still been surprised to see her there when he got back. They do it without obligation. Scar had almost forgotten what that felt like.

Neither of them are tethered to him by fate or bound by an oath. They're just there, bright and silly and constant. He'd had something close to it, once, with the allies he'd jokingly called his family, but that had been... messy.

Jimmy and Lizzie make caring about him feel like something simple.

Tell me about your theme park idea, Lizzie had said, and he had. He'd braced himself for- for something. For dismissal. For a roll of the eyes.

A good theme park has three things. Lizzie had mused instead. We need rides, decorations, and a mascot. I think one of us here has real mascot energy.

Jimmy's face had lit up. Lizzie had built three birds at the entrance to their base, standing proudly. Scar stares at them now, shadowy figures in the dark. They're a team. And as much as Lizzie jokes and groans about what a handful the two of them are, they're still equals. They understand each other. Lizzie knows what it's like to be alone, overlooked. Jimmy knows what it's like to be seen as a burden, a joke.

Somehow, despite everything, they trust each other. It's terrifying.

"Stargazing?"

Scar jumps at the voice, a quiet yelp escaping his throat before he can stop it. He twists his torso to look, a jerky motion, and lays eyes on Jimmy, who seems a bit apologetic. "Ah, sorry-"

"Geez, Jimmy, oh my god," Scar says through wheezing breaths, hand pressed to his chest. "This is the life series, man, you can't sneak up on- on a man in thought!"

"Right, sorry, sorry," Jimmy continues, laughing a little bit. "Thought you heard me walk over."

Jimmy sits down next to him, clothes rumpled from bed. It's quiet, fireflies blinking and crickets chirping in the distance. The moon is nearly full, high in the sky. It's early enough in the game that a full nights sleep is still an option. And yet-

"Couldn't sleep?" Jimmy asks, tone light but genuine.

"Oh, you know," Scar says, humming. "Stomach ache. Dirt doesn't agree with me. Who knew?"

"Yeah, glad that one's over." Jimmy stretches his legs out in front of him. "Think I chipped a tooth. I'm billing Grian."

Scar laughs quietly, mindful of Lizzie snoring just a few yards away. That's another thing he's not quite used to: sleeping with others nearby. It's comforting. He's afraid he'll get used to it.

They sit in silence for a while, comfortable and secure. Their frankly absurd amount of bamboo rustles in the gentle wind, cherry blossom petals perpetually raining down around them. It's the kind of perfect peace that has Scar waiting on the other shoe to drop.

"...What was winning like?" Jimmy asks eventually, voice soft.

"...I don't know," Scar says. "It didn't really feel like winning. It was kind of just, like. Sad."

"Sad?"

"Yeah." Scar sighs, leaning back to look at the stars. "I thought it might make me feel better, to just- to prove that I could."

Jimmy hums like he's really listening, like he understands, and Scar... Something settles. Something that has been flinching for a very long time goes still.

"I was tired of being alone," he admits. "Still am. I end up that way a lot."

"Not this time," Jimmy says, a lopsided smile on his face. "Not on my watch."

He places a comforting hand on Scar's shoulder. Grounding. Real.

Oh, Scar thinks. This is what it's like to have something to lose.

"You sure it's not too early to say that?" Scar asks, half teasing. "You might be running for the hills a week from now. I'm not- I'm not an easy teammate."

"Hey, me neither, pal." Jimmy nudges him, smile a bit jagged at the edges. "I'm known for dying early. I've got issues with longevity."

"They make medicine for that."

"Wh- Scar!"

Scar doubles over, wheezing uncontrollably. Jimmy follows helplessly, in a way that almost sounds painful. It continues for a while, until Lizzie makes a small noise in her sleep, and the two of them choke back their laughter to something manageable, tapering back into silence. Scar feels... happy. He feels happy. It's...

"How about you?" Scar asks. "Anything you want to get off your chest? Just between us. And the giant parrot statues."

"Ehh, I don't know," Jimmy says playfully, eying the parrots suspiciously. "I don't know if I trust 'em."

"And me?"

"You?" Jimmy glances sideways at him, eyes light and honest. "Of course. We're the Bam Boys."

Trust is something that Scar had thought he'd killed a long time ago. Jimmy offers it anyway. It's like a lighthouse in a storm. The sun to a flower. Water in a desert.

Trust. Just this once, Scar vows not to break it.

"So," Scar says, like nothing just happened. "Anything?"

Jimmy exhales shakily, looking away, down at his hands. There's dirt under his fingernails. Scar waits.

"I don't want to die first," Jimmy says, a faint tone of embarrassment in his voice. "I know it's like, a thing, but I really..."

Canary, they call him. A creature whose purpose is to die.

Scar knows a thing or two about unwanted titles. He sometimes feels like the role of Villain is still branded onto his skin, with the way some people look at him.

I don't want to die, cries the Canary, but the miner only pays attention when the singing stops.

"You won't," Scar says, as close to a promise as he can get. "Not this time. Not on my watch."

Jimmy grins crookedly, something relieved at the corners of his eyes. "That right?"

"That's right."

They go back to bed.

[starly-amazing]

A Star From the Multiverse - Ch 9 is OUT!

Cover art by @wyvern-witch as a donation commission for Palestine. Commission them here!

Fic summary: After FINALLY beating the King after thousands of tries, Siffrin is STILL sent back to Dormont. They. Just. Can't. Do. It. Anymore. They drag themself through the day and to the Favor Tree in the dead of night, begging, wishing for help...and they get it in the form of a strange creature with talons and feathers and fangs.

Memory of Stars Chapter summary: Loop lets their walls down just a bit and takes Siffrin stargazing. Nothing goes wrong in any way shape or form!

Rating: Mature | Graphic depictions of violence & all the canon-typical warnings.

[Read on Ao3]

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"Stargaze!??!" Siffrin nearly throws himself off the branch to lean closer. "You know about the stars!?"

"I—wh—yes? Who doesn't? They're right up there?"

"Nobody does! Everyone just thinks they're boring dots in the sky whenever I try to tell them about it they think I'm lying I've forgotten so much too just like I forget everything I know I used to know more but I lost it all too when the... when the... the..."

"..."

"...Stardust?"

"Wha..? What were we talking about?" They blink a few times.

"...the stars? You—"

"Stars!? You know about stars!?" His heart skips a beat.

"I—wh—yes? I just sai—" They stare at him for a moment. "Never mind. Yes, I do know about stars. I was an astronom—" Their jaws snap shut. They lower their gaze and mumble to themself for a long moment, glancing between their hands while flexing their fingers. "Hmm... I suppose it's fine to share this." They shrug and sigh. "Yes, I was an astronomer, so it was kind of my job to know about stars."

"Your job... your job?" There’s no way. There's no way! "So you know a lot about them!?"

Loop tilts their head, ears flattened. "I'd say my knowledge is above average, yes."

His breath skips. "Please tell me please please I need to know please! Nobody cares anymore I'm not lying I'm not making this up Odile told me to stop lying to Bonnie when I tried telling them but I wasn't and I know they're important but why can't I remember them!?"

He pauses, panting, shaking.

Loop's whole body is tense as they stare. They grip their branch with both hands.

"Please," they whine.

Loop inhales deeply. "Okay."

"Okay!?" His breath catches in his throat.

Loop throws their bubbly persona back on. "Sure, stardust! I suppose it's fine if I talk about this. It's just general information, after all, and I care about you so much, my precious little cinnamon roll," they wink, "I can probably fudge the rules just a little bit more. So! What would you like to know?"

"Everything!!!"

They flinch. "That's gonna take a while!" They gaze up into the canopy at the thousands of little pinpricks of light that filter through. "How about you come back when it's dark and we can talk then? I need some time to er... create my syllabus for our little impromptu lesson, anyway~!"

"But I want—no it's okay, that's fine." It's fine! A syllabus is good! They can prepare!

"You'll be back in no time," they hum. "Go have some fun with your friends and get some delicious din din!"

"Okay, see you soon. Loop."

He leaves, heart thundering in his chest.

>>>

The sun has just barely fallen below the horizon when Siffrin leaves the Clocktower. His allies all seemed disappointed they couldn't meet his mysterious 'friend', but they let them go without too much of a fuss.

When they arrive, he doesn't see Loop in their usual spot and nearly jumps out of his skin when they pop their head out of the bushes right beside him.

"Blinding stars, Loop, you nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Whoopsies! I guess that wouldn't be too bad, though, since you'd just loop anyway." They retreat back into the undergrowth and motion Siffrin to follow them with their tail waving above it all.

He pushes in after them and follows closely, dodging recoiling branches with some effort. Loop seems to navigate with much more ease, other than the occasional snag on their wings.

They stumble with a small yelp and shake their front paw. Ok, maybe not much more ease.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine, fine!" They shake their paw. "Just a scratch, don't worry your pretty little head about it~!"

They push on before Siffrin can respond, and he can't help but notice they now have a small limp.

"How far are we going?"

"Not far," they say, pausing with no weight on their hand. "There's a little hill nearby that has a clear view and can't be seen from town."

As if on cue, the trees thin and open up to a grassy field somewhat similar to the one he wakes up in at the start of every loop. The grass is shorter, fresher, and less prickly-looking than what he's used to.

Loop peeks out from the treeline, sniffing the air and vibrating the fluffy feathers on their head. They take a step forward, seemingly satisfied, and shake their head until the feathers are tucked neatly away.

Together, they pad out to the top of the small hill and sit down.

It's still light out and there aren't many stars to see yet. Siffrin eyes Loop messing with their paw, picking out bits of debris from it.

“Uhh, Loop?”

They flinch and cover their hand. “Yes, stardust?”

Voice low, they ask, "Do you want me to heal that?" They lean over to get a better look.

"You—you can do that?" They curl their talons and pull them toward their chest.

They nod. "Learned it in the loops."

They squint at him and turn away. "It's fine."

"Are you sure?" Siffrin tilts his head. "It's no problem, really."

Loop's fingers twitch. They stare at their hand for a moment. Then, with a long, drawn-out sigh, they speak. "Fiiiine if you insist, stardust then I guess I can let you heal me."

Siffrin's lips twitch upward, but they hide it with a cough. He holds out his hand, and with some hesitation, Loop reaches out and places their hand in it.

They both flinch. Loop looks away, cheek feathers puffed.

It's warm. Rough. An array of what look like scars break up the even pattern of scutes that line their leg.

Taking it gently in both hands, they turn it over. The palm is covered in a thick pad, similar to a cat's but not quite as pronounced. It's rough and callused from walking on bare ground; a few still look somewhat raw and fresh, even.

There's something strange about the wound. The trickle of blood that leaks out seems...off. Like the shade is a little to the left, but in the dying light, it's hard to get a better look. Not that Loop would appreciate him scrutinizing their hand for longer than necessary, anyway.

As if they heard him, Loop huffs and flexes their claws. "Having fun ogling my toesie woesies, stardust?"

"Ah! Uh, sorry!" They sputter. Using the back of his glove, he gently wipes away the remaining dirt and debris before breathing a bit of healing Craft into the sore. Loop's hand twitches as the wound stitches itself back together with an uneven scar.

"Huh." They flex their digits. "That feels different."

"Different? Does it still hurt?"

"Huh? Oh! No. It doesn’t hurt anymore. I meant different as in—never mind. Thank you, I owe you my life, am forever in your debt, et cetera et cetera."

"Don't mention it," he snorts.

Something nags at the back of his mind. He glances at Loop's other paw.

They have to ask.

"Hey, Loop, can I see your other hand?"

They gasp and put their healed paw to their chest. "My, my, can't get enough of me? If you wanted to hold hands, you don't have to be so secretive."

Siffrin huffs. "So is that a yes or a no?"

Loop pauses. "Fine, if you must." With a sigh and dramatic flourish, they extend their other hand out, folding the freshly-healed one under their chest.

Siffrin squints and turns it over, only to see a similar sight of calluses and old blisters. He heals them, too, watching them harden into something sturdier.

They look at Loop. They're looking away, scar facing him.

"Loop?"

"Thank you, stardust," they pull their hand away and fold it under them. "It's getting pretty dark out now. Maybe we should do what we actually came here to do!" They point their head toward the heavens.

Siffrin stares at them for a moment longer before following their gaze up into the night sky. A little bit of daylight hangs at the horizon, but the stars are rapidly blinking into view as it fades.

A cold, twisting sense of longing churns in his chest as they stare at the sky. He knew. He knew. They knew so much more about it, but it's behind that same wall that shrouds their memories of home. The wall that prickles and cuts into him if he tries too hard to remember. The wall he forgot that he even forgot until the loops. The wall that teases him with morsels when he's not looking, only to take them away forever if he tries to focus.

...Will this hurt?

Loop shifts their body until all their limbs are folded under them. They curl their tail around and shift themself until they look like a giant winged cat loafing in a sunbeam. Siffrin shifts around as well until he finds a soft patch of grass with no rocks poking at him.

Loop hums. "Well, I suppose we can begin by you telling me what you know already. I'd hate to insult your knowledge by assuming you don't know the most basic things, but also you might not know the most basic things, so..."

"Oh," they murmur, grabbing a piece of grass and rolling it in their fingers. "Well, I know stuff like, the sun is a star and stars are all really big balls of fire and some stars are actually planets and people make pictures called constellations and used to navigate by them and telescopes, orreries, star charts... and uh..." He points to a brighter light. "That's the planet Venus, and uhm..." he keeps looking, thinking. The prickling fog already starts digging into the corner of his mind, so he closes his eye and shakes his head.

"That's all I remember."

Loop hums. "Okay, so we're definitely starting from the basics."

He grumbles. "I know I knew more than that. I could read star charts, I know it. I could use telescopes and orreries and whatever else there is."

"Well, maybe this will jog your memory some."

"I wish." They pull up a clump of grass.

Loop watches them rip it up and toss it before clearing their throat. "Anyway, you're right that not every light in the sky is a star. Some are planets, or comets, or moons, and some are entire galaxies that are so far away they're nothing more than a tiny dot to our eyes."

"Galaxies?" That one doesn’t sound familiar.

"Collections of hundreds of billions of stars and planets and other celestial bodies." They gesture at the thick band of stars that arcs across the sky. "We're in the Milky Way, which is a spiral galaxy and—oh, I wish I brought a pencil and paper. Ahh, well, not like I can draw to save my life anyway."

Siffrin can already feel his heart thundering in his chest. He leans closer to loop with stars in his eyes.

"I think..." he pauses and squeezes his eye shut. "That sounds familiar. Please keep going!"

Loop snorts and lets their expression relax. "Okay, well..."

Siffrin is enraptured by the tales Loop weaves of the sky above them. Tales of stars and planets and black holes and quasars, nebulae, dark matter, and everything else. He can't move, he can barely breathe as he soaks in every possible little detail that comes out of Loop's mouth. Some of it tickles the hidden part of his mind, behind the thorny wall, overwriting what was lost and keeping it fresh and close to him. Some of it is all too new; it's as if he's a small child again, sitting around a bonfire with their friends as their... their...

...

He blinks, shakes his head, and has to ask Loop to repeat a whole chunk of what they just said.

Loop looks… so different when talking. Their voice is lighter, smoother, less guarded and calculated, and they frequently have to pause for a breath after speaking for too long without stopping. It makes Siffrin feel winded just watching them. They can't help but smile—not just at getting back such an important part of him he thought was lost forever, but seeing a fresh, new side of Loop. Seeing them talk a mile a minute, waving their hands around, and looking up to the sky with such wonder just fills him with a sense of peace.

It won't last.

He knows that. It digs at the back of his mind. But just for that time, he manages to shove it down.

After talking for a while, Loop pauses and stretches out. They flap their wings a few times and reach out as far as they can with their front legs, spreading their toes out far. They let their wings fall more relaxed to their sides and rest their limbs in the grass in front of them.

Siffrin follows suit, not realizing how stiff he's grown from sitting unmoving in the dirt for however long they've been there.

Loop stretches again, roll to their side and—

"Oof!" Siffrin grunts as their head lands right in their lap. He flinches and freezes. "Loop!?"

"Wow, you are really bony," they huff. They shift around a bit until their good eye is pointed upward and the top of their head is pressed to his gut. Siffrin holds their arms stiffly away from them the entire time. He can't move.

"Ah," Their expression stiffens when they catch sight of his face. "Was that too much?" They keep their eye locked onto him.

"N-no, it was just sudden!" And warm! And surprisingly light. "U-um." He slowly places a hand on their cheek, feeling just a bit of squish as he presses down on their feathers. Loop makes a small noise but doesn't say a word. They look away. "Why?"

"You look like you needed it," they shrug. "Consider this some good ol' rukemi touch therapy."

"Touch therapy?"

"Well, I’m already helping you with the loops and the stars, so I thought I might help with that as well."

"Thanks???" They're definitely touch-starved, but wow!

"You're quite welcome~! Just keep your hands off my plumes."

"Your... plumes?"

"The long feathers on my head. They're sensitive."

"O-okay."

They're so soft. He wants to... to...

He swallows hard. "So I can... I can p—I can p-p-p..."

"Yes, yes you may pet me if you want, I guueeesssss," they huff. "So demanding~!"

"You're the one—agh—never mind." He can guess what kind of game Loop's playing.

Slowly, carefully, they sink their fingers into Loop's feathers until they touch skin. They both flinch.

So warm. Warmer than a human, it seems, though what would they know about touching another human?

He curls his fingers slowly. He wants to take his gloves off and feel just how soft they are, but that seems like too much! They're surprised he hasn't combusted from this level of touch; if he held Mirabelle's head like that or, stars, Isabeau held them like that, he'd loop on contact. With Loop, it's different. Not quite as overwhelming as he'd expect. Like petting a giant chicken.

He starts scratching a little more and cautiously moves his hand around their face, down their jaw, along their neck. Loop closes their eye and sighs, letting their legs relax and slide out a bit more. They flex one paw and relax, flex and relax.

Siffrin works his way up their head until he reaches their ear, only to find out it's not really an ear at all, just a collection of feathers in the shape of one. They slide their fingers around it until they feel a gap in front of them. He brushes his thumb across it, and out of nowhere, Loop yawns wide, flashing their sharp teeth before shaking their head and pulling back.

"Excuse me! Don't go shoving your fingers into my ear," they glare, folding their feathers down.

"S-sorry!" He pulls his hand away. "Um... so... your ear is just..."

"Yes, it's just a hole in my head."

"Okay." Weird.

"What? Disappointed?"

"No! Just uh... I don't know." What is Loop, really?

The rukemi snorts and rolls their head in his lap. "Oh, stardust, you are too much sometimes."

He frowns. "What'd I doooo?"

They glance at him and snort. "Tee hee~!"

Loop's definitely too much, sometimes too.

"I know I'm too much, aren't I~! That's what makes me so great~!"

Siffrin sighs and shakes their head, smiling lightly.

"Also, take your hat off. I can't see the stars."

"O-oh." He touches the brim and pulls it down further. They don't want to be exposed, but it's not like they can hide anything when Loop's looking up at them like that. He clenches his fist and peels the hat off. The cool night air is refreshing, and he shakes the heat from his head as he sets his hat on the grass.

Cautiously, he places a hand back on Loop's jaw, far away from their ear and plumes. Loop flexes and relaxes their hands again and goes silent.

"So," Siffrin begins after a minute, voice barely a whisper. He shifts his hips and stretches his back. Their fingers work themselves lower and lower on Loop's jaw and down their neck until...

They feel something.

A vibration, soft and gentle.

Coming from Loop's throat.

He stops, twitching slightly. He closes his eye, listening carefully.

He can hear it too, now.

No.

It can't be...

"Loop..." They lean over, looking them in the eye.

"No." They look away.

"Are you ... purring???"

"Do I LOOK like a cat?" Their cheek feathers puff out.

"You sure sound like one." Siffrin doesn't fight the smug grin that grows on their face.

"And YOU sound like you know what you're talking about, but sounds can be deceiving," they quip.

His smirk gets bigger.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" And bigger.

"Like, ughhhh! Do you want to know more about stars or not?"

"I do!" his heart skips a beat. He clenches his fingers around Loop's cheek feathers.

"Good~! Now, where were we?"

They pick up where they left off, and soon Siffrin's nerves ease. He continues petting Loop for a while before he has to shift around and dig his fingers into his back, massaging down his spine to his hips.

After a moment, Loop sits up and scoots around him. His heart spikes again when Loop's wing folds over his knees and shoulder presses to his back.

He stares at Loop, who simply keeps talking, staring up at the sky the whole time.

So warm.

Their breath is slow and heavy against him. He's still so tense, so unsure.

But slowly, slowly, they breathe and let themself relax. Bit by bit, they lean further and further against them, sinking into their soft feathers. He bites back a sigh as the tension eases in their back and slowly radiates through the rest of their body. Their breathing slows, their fists unclench, and they lean their head against Loop's shoulder. He closes his eye and feels Loop's voice reverberate through his whole body.

It's nice.

He can let himself have this one indulgence.

"So what exactly was your job?" he mumbles after a while. "Like, did you just spend all day looking at the stars until you find something interesting?"

"Nah, we have computers do that part. No, it was much more specific than that." Loop mulls over their question, rocking their head side to side. Finally, they sigh. "...I was on a team tasked with finding life on other planets."

"What!?" Siffrin jumps, nearly jabbing their knee with the claws on Loop's wing. He spins around to face them, breathing fast. "There's life on other planets!? For real? Did—did you—" Wait. They tilt their head. "Is that where you're from? Another planet?"

Loop looks at them for a moment, then back to the sky.

"Anyway, we've found two, so far, and a few speculated to have all the building blocks needed to form life, if they haven't already. Early life, it seems, in those two, they're still pretty young. They're both a couple hundred thousand light years away, so we haven't been able to get any clear physical images of them with our level of technology yet, but the readouts show atmospheric levels very similar to what Earth's meso-proterozoic era was estimated to have."

"Meso-what?"

"Oh, stars, do I have to give a paleontology lesson too?"

"Oh, wait. Like, dinosaurs?"

"Waaaay before them." They stretch their leg out as if pushing something away. "Probably very early multicellular life. Think worms, and sponges, and algae. And—" they cringe. "Oh geez, fossil reconstructions probably look terrible here."

"Huh?"

They shudder. "Paleontology is probably a pretty fresh field of study here, so any reconstructions are likely horrifically inaccurate."

Siffrin tilts their head.

"Have you been to a museum that has fossils?"

"Once, a while ago."

"I can guarantee, if there were any attempted reconstructions, they look nothing like how these animals actually were."

"Oh."

"You probably learned some pretty wrong things about astronomy, too. So maybe after a few lessons with me, you'd be ready to go out in the world and correct all those awful inaccuracies!" They sputter. "A-actually, don't do that, just keep this all between you and me. Okay?"

Siffrin squints. "So you really are from the future?"

They pause. "Ah. No. It's... No."

"Huh?"

"Anyway!" They clap their hands together. "What else would you like to know?"

Siffrin stares at Loop for a long while, but the rukemi simply stares back, smiling with their single eye curved upward. Their jaws are so close to his face, and he can feel their hot breath on his skin. He sighs. "Can you tell me about constellations?"

"I—" they gaze back into the night. "No. This is an entirely unfamiliar sky."

"What?"

"I don't recognize any of these stars," they murmur. "It looks nothing like the sky back home."

"Oh." They frown and lean back against them. Loop lets out a long sigh.

"Anyway! What else would you like to know?"

Siffrin stares up at the sky; the trillions of twinkling lights staring back at him seem just a little bit closer.

He hums and closes his eye.

"There's a lot I'd like to know," he breathes. "But..."

"Need some time to process all this, hmm?"

"Yeah."

This is nice.

The night chill starts to nip at his knees, so he pulls his cloak down further. A shudder runs down Loop's body as he does it, and their feathers puff up slightly.

So fluffy, so puffy.

They turn to Loop and gaze into their face; they look back, tilting their head the same way and time Siffrin does. Their darkless feathers almost glow in the rising moonlight.

The loops have been unforgiving, still, but at least with Loop here, they finally have a few moments of respite here and there. They're getting back what they've lost. He's getting to know his allies all over again; maybe even better now than at the start of the loops. The House has changed… for better or for worse; snack times are nice, and even though the sadnesses are all over now, he feels himself getting strong enough to defeat most of them with ease.

Maybe eternity with Loop won't be so bad.

He looks away. They watch him for a moment, then sigh.

"You're going to get through this, stardust. We aren't gonna be stuck here forever. That's not how these things work." They cough. "Er—well, I don't really know how these things work but—ergh, you know what I mean."

"I guess." They grab their shoulder and hold themself close.

"Hmm." Loop shifts and stretches their neck. "What do you plan on doing after the loops?"

"What?"

"You have to have some sort of plan for what you want to do after saving an entire country."

He digs his fingers deeper into his arm.

Nothing. Nothing. There is no plan. They're going to be—Everyone will—

Something grips his throat from the inside.

"What will you do after?" His voice wavers.

Loop's silent for a moment. "I suppose I'll go back to how I was before." Their voice is low, resigned.

"How you were—" A chill flashes through him. Like he's being frozen by the King. He whips around to face them. "You'll leave."

Loop folds their ears down and looks away. "Stardust, I thought this was appa—"

Siffrin turns even more, now upright on his knees. "You'll leave! You'll leave me, too? You're just going to leave!?"

They fold their legs back under them. "I-I told you I'm not even supposed to be around yo—"

"I don't care about that!" He shifts forward, grabbing the feathers on Loop's shoulders. "I won't tell anyone about you! We can... I don't know!"

Loop flinches and goes rigid, their tail starts to rapidly twitch. "Stardust, there's nothing—"

The tightness in his throat worms its way out through his chest, down to his gut. "No, no, no! We can keep traveling together you can't leave you're the only one who I can talk to about this!"

"I'm not, though," their voice wavers. "Your pa—"

"I can't tell them! I know I'm selfish and greedy and awful and disgusting but I'm going to lose them and I don't want to lose you too!"

They shrink down more. "Stardust, I don't really know you."

"But you do! You still remember things! You remember to call me stardust! And that you want to help me! And to meet me at the Favor Tree and a lot about the loops and the King and you remember you care about me! Right? That's what you said!"

"I-I did but—" They rake their claws through the earth. "I don't remember anything else."

Tears prick at the corner of his eye but don't fall. "Then I'll tell you! Every time we meet! I'll tell you everything you need to know! That's what I've been doing already! I'll tell you as many times as I need to so if this is ever over you'll remember for real!"

As Siffrin pleads, Loop keeps pulling back, more and more. Their body tenses, and their wings fold tightly against them. They grip the ground, claws digging deep into the dirt.

"Please, stop." A low rumble emanates from deep within their chest.

"No, Loop, please, please don't leave, please you're my f—"

Loop's ears flutter, eye narrows, and they snap their jaws with a hiss. "I'm your what? Your friend? Your family? Someone who can just seamlessly blend in with you when you traipse around other humans?"

A frozen fist crashes right through Siffrin's chest. "But... you said we were friends."

Loop's tail flips up and slams on the ground with an audible thud. "Did I? Okay! Sure! We're friends! I'll be your friend! I'll just keep living out in the woods, watching you go have fun in civilization and hope maybe you'll toss some crumbs my way once in a while! That sounds fun, yes! Sitting out on the sidelines while you get to move on with your life! While you get to go home, and I get to sit in the mud waiting to get another infection that finally kills me. Wondering why I can't go home or if it's even fucking there anymore!"

"While I get to—" Siffrin prickles. Something white-hot bubbles up within him, forcing its way past the chill that had its hold on him; he clenches his jaw so hard his teeth groan painfully. "I can't go home either!"

Their expression shifts in a blink. "What?"

"My home!" He snaps. "It's gone! Wiped completely off the map! At least you remember yours! I don't! I don't even know how old I was when it happened or what it was like or anything about my family or my culture or my language! It's all just gone!"

"Wiped... off the map... like an ex-explosion?" Their feathers stand on end, and they fold their legs closer to their body, claws ripping at a root.

"Just disappeared! Vanished! And everyone forgot everything about it! Including me!"

"Oh."

"That's why I can't remember the stars! I learned it all there and that was taken from me too!" He's yelling, louder and louder. "I don't have anything! I don't have anyone or anywhere to go after this!"

"But your friends—"

"They're not my friends!" he cries. "They don't care enough about me to want to call me that, to want to stay with me! They'll leave me too!"

"I-I'm not sure that's true." Loop's voice is so small.

"It is! Odile said we're just allies! They all talk about going their separate ways when all this is over! And they will, because this journey meant less to them than it did to me!"

He

feels

a

tug—

"Ugh!" He screams into his hands and stands up, snatching his hat and forcing it back on his head.

"Wait, stardust."

"Just forget it, I'm going back."

They don't try to stop him.

>>>

The Clocktower is dark when Siffrin arrives, save for a small, crafted light glowing in the dining area.

He swallows the ever-growing knot in his throat and bubbling dread in his gut, then slips in quietly. Isabeau is settled at the table, fixing a tear on one of Bonnie's shirts. He jumps when the door latches, but a bright smile rises on his face when he sees them.

"Sif!" Isabeau whisper-yells. "You're back! I was starting to get worried." He quickly sews in a few more stitches and ties it off before packing everything away.

"I'm fine." He watches as Isabeau carefully puts everything in an orderly fashion. They clench their fist and breathe. "You waited for me? How long was I gone?"

"A couple hours. It's pretty late. The others just went to bed. I'm guessing you had fun catching up with your friend?"

"Something like that."

Stupid. Stupid. Why did you say all that?

"Huh?" Isabeau tilts his head, studying them.

"They're just leaving tomorrow, is all." They smile.

Why did you do that?

"Aw, you won't be able to see them after we beat the King?"

Ha.

They shake their head. "It's fine, though, we talked a lot tonight."

And then you had to go fucking blind it up by acting like some sort of possessive, desperate creep.

"That's good, at least!" He grins. "Still, I'm sorry you won't have more time with them. I know it's hard to say goodbye sometimes."

"Yeah."

They stare at the floor for a moment before slowly looking up at Isabeau. He smiles, soft and warm, but he seems tense, gripping his hand tightly and rubbing circles on the back with his thumb.

Neither speaks. Everything is so quiet that his own breathing is almost deafening.

It's fine. It's whatever! They're gonna forget this too, and you can pretend it never happened!

They stretch out with an exaggerated, forced yawn.

Unless you were that much of a blinding ass that it's permanently seared into their memory.

"Heh, ready for bed?" Isabeau hums.

"Mhm," they nod, blinking slowly. They're not tired at all.

"Okay," he hums. "Hey, Sif, before we head up, can I tell you something really quick?"

"Hm?" Is it the same thing from every other night or something new?

Doesn't matter, it's not like he'll say whatever it is.

Loop. Why did they..? Ughh...

He keeps his eye focused on Isabeau, though his mind keeps trying to wander.

"Okay, um," he begins, cheeks darkening. "I just wanted to tell you that I, uhm... really liked traveling with you and... and..." He looks away, scratching the back of his head. "And that's it. It was fun. Yep!"

That's it? That's all he wanted to tell them?

They feel...

"Oh."

"Oh? You didn't..?" His expression falls. "Never mind."

"No, no, I did!" He holds his hands up. "This journey... meant a lot... to me. I just expected..."

Isabeau shrinks in on himself. "More?" he coughs. He can't make eye contact. "Well, there was something else I wanted to say, but I'll tell you tomorrow, after we beat the King. Wouldn't want to distract you."

Ah, the usual, then.

"Is that okay?" He leans forward, head tilted.

They nod. Maybe one day they can pry it out of him, but not today.

Too blinding dead inside.

And... ugh!

Why did you flip out at them like that? They didn't know! But ugh. They should have! Why can't they remember? Why can't you remember?

...

They can't go home either.

...

"Okay!" His radiant smile is back, and even after all this time, Siffrin feels a little bit of ease flow through him.

It's fine. It's fine! Maybe they'll change their mind!

Isabeau gets out of his seat and walks up to them. "Ready for bed? Big day tomorrow haha." His cheeks are still flushed.

"Yeah," they nod. "Lemme just—" They point to the bathroom.

"Okay, I'll warm the bed for you hahahhh."

He snorts, and they part ways.

Why did you do that?

He locks himself in the bathroom and tries not to scream.

Why did you do that?

They splash cold water on their face and slap their cheeks until it hurts.

Why did you do that?

They find their mildewy towel and scream into it.

Why did you do that!?

They hold it to their face, breathing in the stink, getting hardly any fresh air.

Why did you do that!?

They kick the wall, forgetting they had just taken their shoes off. They bite their lip hard enough to make a mark and resist the urge to rip the sink off its pedestal and throw it out the window.

He sighs and gazes out into the night toward the field they were in, wondering if Loop was still there, wondering where they sleep at night, wondering why they can't go home either. Tears threaten to fall again, and he chokes up.

Why did you... do that..?

When he sneaks into the sleeping quarters, Isabeau is already out like a light.

They slip in beside him and shuffle under the blankets.

He settles in for a long, sleepless night.

Loop.

>>>

The next morning, Siffrin can't bring themself to start any new conversations, and they slip back into a semi-script as their party ascends the House. They try and fail not to think about their horrific blunder from the night before.

A stupid sadness is waiting near the entrance this time. They nod along as their party reassures Mirabelle, and he manages to take out half its health with one swipe.

He is getting stronger.

He can't bring himself to feel excited; it's not like it matters unless he can somehow get strong enough to kill the King in one hit.

But they don't even let themself dream about that.

Wouldn't it be nice, though?

>>>

They remember the key in the Head Housemaiden's desk drawer and slot it into the Library's lock.

The library... something about the back wall.

Oh!

The secret library!

The switch!

They shove their way inside and beeline it to the ancient bricks.

Don't get your hopes up. Don't get your hopes up. It's just boring papers.

But still...

They run their fingers across the wall until they feel a brick shift slightly.

He gasps.

Is this it?

Deep breath, in, and out.

They press it in.

It scrapes along the other bricks and...

There's a series of muffled clicks, and suddenly the wall slides away to reveal a narrow passage.

...

He can't breathe.

THERE REALLY WAS A SECRET LIBRARY?

WHAT?!?

"What the gems—?!"

"SECRET PASSAGE!!!" Bonnie screeches.

Mirabelle looks between them and the opening rapidly. "But how— How did you—"

"I-I just touched it and it opened," he chuckles and rubs the back of his neck.

Mirabelle steps forward and peers at the mechanism poking out at the top. "That's so weird?! Was it here all this time?!?"

If it was, then... then...

They don't want to think about it! They will not think about it!

He steels himself and enters.

Another sadness slithers around. They bite back a hiss and sneak past when it has its back turned.

That's future Siffrin's problem.

They push their way through the ancient, heavy door and...

Sweet stars, it really is a secret library.

Stars, stars, blind it all.

No, stop thinking about it and look!

"Wow, there's so much here!" Mirabelle gasps.

"Fascinating," Odile muses. Some papers catch her eye, and she drifts over to a pile on the table.

Siffrin's heart hammers against his chest.

Don't get your hopes up.

Don't get your hopes up.

Do NOT get your hopes up.

They walk stiffly to the first shelf.

He's already sweaty, clammy, gross—the sensation of angry bees buzz in his chest.

They swallow the tightness in their throat.

Okay, okay, just start looking.

Okay, okay, okay, nothing yet. Nothing useful...oh hey, there is an ancient book on newts.

...

Nothing there. Just a bunch of books on colors. Whatever those are.

Next shelf.

Isabeau seems to notice his tension, but Siffrin gives him the widest smile they can and turns away before he can say anything.

There's another headache book.

He starts to gravitate toward it.

No—no time. Don't get distracted.

Check everything. Leave no book glossed over.

Last shelf.

Last shelf. Please.

Please, something.

He runs his finger along the spine of every book to keep himself from rushing ahead and skipping something in his haste.

"Siffrin?" Mirabelle asks. "Are you looking for something in particular?"

No. No. No. Still no.

"Huh? Oh." Maybe another set of eyes would be helpful. "Do you think there's something on Crafted shields?"

Isabeau peers at the shelf. "Like, shields in battle? To protect ourselves?" He hums, scratching at his chin. "It would be useful, wouldn't it... We have skills to boost our defense, but a shield would be cool."

Mirabelle hums, threading her fingers together. "I-I was thinking about learning! And I feel like I'm close to getting it!!! But... I'm not there yet. Sorry."

Bonnie squeezes past them and kneels over the bottom. "This book here is just called 'Shields', and it's super dusty." They pull out a book near the bottom of the final shelf.

What?

"Dusty books are good, right?" They smile and hold it out to them.

Siffrin nearly rips the book from Bonnie's hands and throws it open.

This... this could be.

"Siffrin?"

"Whoa, Sif, are you okay? You're shaking."

He hands the book to Mirabelle without a word.

He can't look. He stares at the empty space in the bookshelf instead.

Mirabelle watches him for a moment, they all do, before she turns to the book and starts thumbing through the pages.

Don't get your hopes up.

Don't get your hopes up.

Don't get your hopes up.

She stops about a quarter of the way through the book. Siffrin forces his head to turn and catches a glance at the page. It's dense and full of confusing diagrams.

Mirabelle taps the side of the book rhythmically. "Well, that's not how it works." She chews on her lip. "But... . . ."

Don't. Get. Your. Hopes. Up.

He forces his expression into mild curiosity.

He wants to throw up.

"Wait... Wait a second." Mirabelle gasps. It's as if a switch goes off in her mind. Her expression brightens, and she buries her nose back into the pages.

A few more seconds of mumbling and Siffrin clenching and unclenching his fists, and—

"THAT'S ALL?!?!?"

He nearly jumps out of his skin, causing Isabeau to jump too and reach out to them like they're about to keel over.

"THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT?!??!"

Don't get your hopes up don't get your hopes up dont'getyourhopesupdontdontdont.

"Ah." Odile wanders over from the papers she was snooping in.

"Oh, this sounds fun." Isabeau leans over to check the book, takes one look at the text, cringes, and leans back.

Mirabelle chews on her knuckle. "So then, if I do this, and keep this in mind, and don't forget about this..."

She mumbles under her breath for a long time...

"Okay, so..." She slams the book shut and snaps her head toward them. He jumps again. "Siffrin, do NOT move. I'm about to try a highly volatile Craft Skill on you that I've never tried before."

He freezes. His lungs feel like they're being squeezed.

Just breathe. In, and out.

Mirabelle holds her hands out and murmurs a few words. There's a sound of sizzling wind chimes that seems to originate from within Siffrin's own body.

He feels warm all of a sudden, like a thick blanket wrapped itself around him.

He pries his eye open right as Bonnie throws a punch in his stomach.

Owwie. He flinches. Wait.

"Boniface."

Mirabelle leans closer. "Siffrin, did you feel something...?"

He puts his hand on his stomach.

They didn't feel a thing.

They

Did

Not

Feel

A

Thing.

...

He shakes his head.

He keeps shaking it, more and more.

He didn't feel it. It didn't hurt. He didn't feel it it didn't hurt he didn't feel it he did not feel a thing!!!

A laugh bubbles up from within his chest, and soon he's reduced to a cackling mess leaning up against the ancient books.

He doesn't even care that his allies are all staring at him as tears and snot stream down his face.

They feel like their chest should hurt by now from how violently they're laughing, but it feels fine!

It doesn't hurt!

Don't get your hopes up!

"Uh, Sif, Buddy," Isabeau says when he slides to the floor, still laughing. "You uh—"

"Yeah, haha? Isa?" They wipe all the fluids from their face in one long motion.

"Nothing, glad you're happy it works!"

"That wasn't a side effect of the craft, was it?" Mirabelle hugs the book to her chest.

"No! Haha, no, it's fine! It's fine. It just I uh... thought of a really bad joke... about shields!"

"Really?" Odile raises an eyebrow. "Gems, alive Siffrin."

"Boo," Bonnie crosses their arms.

"So, what was it?" Isabeau asks tentatively.

"Forgot!" They're not even going to bother trying to salvage that.

They have a shield skill!

They can survive the King now!

Maybe!

Don't get your hopes up!

Trembling, they pull themself back upright, wiping the remaining snot from their nose. The shield Craft has since worn off, and he can feel a twinge of tightness in his chest as he gets the remaining giggles out of his system.

They're gonna beat the King again and Mirabelle's gonna deal the final blow and they're going to break the loops and then everyone...

Loop...

Siffrin shakes his head and violently blinks away the thoughts. He takes one step toward the door and stops. They're gonna have to come back there. It's going to take so long every time because they're not gonna beat the King this loop or next loop or the next loop!

...

Maybe there's another way for Mirabelle to learn quicker.

He turns to her. "So, Mira. What made it click?"

"Huh?"

"This book? What about it made you figure it out when you couldn't before?"

"Oh!" she perks up. "That's easy! It's all about—" Mirabelle suddenly bombards him with technical terms!!! He doesn't follow a single word but smiles and nods along either way.

>>>

" —and that's how you do it!!!"

"I did not understand even a little bit of this." Odile rubs her temples.

Isabeau crosses his arms and looks into the distance. "Hm, I couldn't craft a skill like that myself, but..." He squints as he searches for his next words. He lights up with a small gasp. "But it's just about using the CARROT method, right?"

Odile takes the book and gives it a cursory glance. "Is it?" She flips back a page. "I guess that makes some sort of sense..."

Mirabelle flips back a page and shows Odile. "It is! They actually mention it in here, too!"

The CARROT method???

"What's the CARROT method?" Bonnie tilts their head and scrunches their nose.

Mirabelle points to a line and reads aloud: "Can Arrive at a Really Really Outstanding Technique".

What?

Isabeau chuckles. "If you don't know the CARROT method, you don't need to know the CARROT method."

Okay.

Siffrin sure feels stupider than usual this loop.

But it's fine, it's fine! They have a shield skill! That's what matters!

They take a breath. "So, hypothetically, someone reminding you of the CARROT method would make it click for you?"

"Yes!!!!!!" Mirabelle beams, sliding the book back into its place on the shelf and clapping her hands together.

Well, there you go.

Don't. Get. Your. Hopes. Up.

>>>

They make it through the rest of the house.

He tries to start a few conversations, but his mind is miles away.

Don't get your hopes up.

Do not get your hopes up.

...

Loop.

They don't have anywhere to go either...

Pick up that tonic.

Don't get your hopes up.

Why did you yell at them like that?

Kill that sadness—oh, hey that wasn't so bad this time. More than half of your tonics left.

Why did you have to act like such a needy creep?

Why would they want to stay with you?

Don't get your hopes up.

Pick the malanga fritters again.

They're only helping you to get out of the loops.

Tastes like ash.

The King is ahead...

Siffrin shuts his eye tightly and takes a deep breath, in and out.

He takes another, and another.

They're packing up and are about ready to leave the final safe room.

Tune back in, Siffrin. Don't embarrass yourself dying WITH a shield.

Don't get your hopes up.

"Ready?" Isabeau says as they approach the door.

He blinks and pulls his gaze from the tear floating dangerously close.

"Ready!" He smiles.

Deep breath.

Deep, deep breath.

They push through the door and enter the final hallway before the King.

His heart is going to shatter his ribs.

It's so loud. He can hear it.

It sounds like... clanking metal.

Wait.

He pauses.

That's not him.

"What's that sound?" Bonnie asks.

Something crashes far ahead.

The King bellows, followed by another crash.

Wait.

Wait. Waitwaitwait.

Oh no.

His legs move on their own, and he dashes full speed ahead.

"Sif!?"

"Siffrin, wait!"

Oh stars, oh stars.

Oh, blind it all!

The noise grows louder. There's a massive boom, and the whole House shudders. Dust shakes free from the ancient bricks. Siffrin stumbles but does not slow. His party is already far behind him, calling out to them.

He throws the door open, heart in his throat.

At the far end of the antechamber, the King thrashes around, wailing. Something long juts from his neck, and dark blood spurts from it with every move he makes. The walls around him are littered with holes, with a particularly massive one to his left. Rubble, shards of glass, and so so many tears coat the floor and

        there

                     is

                               a

                                       shade...

terrifying and visceral spattered across everything, the walls, the floor, the King.

And before the tyrant, flying erratically, thrashing violently, dripping that same shade is...

"Loop!"

[loudn-mcyt]

I got myself thinking more about the ranks I assigned in this post and I'm going to go a little crazy

Because here is Duchess Roscumber, one of the most influential people in the realm, often accompanied by her close ally and trusted confidant the Marquis Clownpierce. She's good at what she does, fair and just, but there are some who say she is naive, that she does not fully understand the consequences of her actions. These people are fools. They mistake her kindness for weakness; they do not see the steel in her eyes when she acts to protect her home, her people. Sometimes, though, she doubts herself; she wonders if the critics are right about her, if she should have a firmer hand.

Then, one day, she is wandering the halls of the castle when she meets an alchemist. Not a court mage or potioner. Just a commoner, come to meet the king for an audience and clearly unhappy with how the conversation went. The commoner doesn't greet her, just sweeps past with barely a glance. Ros finds herself intrigued - who is this common alchemist who would dare to ignore a Duchess, one of the king's foremost advisors, even as they came for an audience?

Ros sees this alchemist again, several times. Every time, they barely spare her a glance as they storm out of the castle. Until, one day, Ros reaches out to stop the alchemist and ask them what they are requesting from the king. "I'm asking everyone to just sit down and have a conversation for once in their lives." responds the alchemist.

Over time, the Duchess and the Alchemist grow to know one another, to understand each other a bit more. Aimsey is glad a member of the nobility is finally seeming to take his issues seriously. Ros enjoys having someone who will tell her the truth, who will speak to her without the layers of formality and protocol that come with title and rank.

But then things begin to go wrong. The king grows ill, unable to rule, and Duchess Roscumber is forced to step into his place while he recovers. Marquis Clownpierce is called away to the borders, where he can no longer be at her side to defend her in this time of need. And a threat has arisen within the kingdom; a group of rebel bandits have begun to threaten the monarchy, the kingdom, and the Duchess most of all.

Aimsey still speaks with Ros, but they begin to notice how she changes. They beg her to meet and speak with the rebels, to address their concerns and end this without violence. They can act as an intermediary, they suggest, a commoner to bridge the gap and keep things from growing any worse.

Ros does not agree. The Duchess has a kingdom to protect, and the alchemist does not understand the weight that title lays on your shoulder. Star cannot understand the responsibility of ruling, of how much Ros would risk if such a treaty were to fail. She cannot stand for a threat to the kingdom, she is without her greatest ally, and she can see no way forward where everyone gets what they want - the rebels have threatened her and her allies too many times for her to believe any honeyed words of peace.

And so the Duchess and the Alchemist lose one another. The Duchess acts the way that she has been trained by courts and politics and nobles, to close away her heart and her conscience to protect those she is responsible for. And the Alchemist has to watch as the one noble that ever listened to her becomes just like the rest - convinced that she is right, no matter the evidence. The Alchemist has to watch as they lose the one person that they thought might finally care.

[katblu42]

Cheeky Fic reblog . . . The Letter

Because it came to mind while reading some of the RP blogs today.

(Can be read on AO3 here)

Warnings for grief/mourning and mention of death. I may have cried while writing this.

Response to another Flash Fiction Friday prompt (#162 - The Letter) Scott finds an old letter, written by a young Virgil, that stirs some painful memories.

“Scott?” Virgil approached his big brother quietly, cautiously.  “Are you okay?”

The piece of paper he held was shaking slightly, and when Scott looked up at Virgil his sapphire blues were glistening with unshed tears.

“I …” he swallowed hard and held the fragile piece of slightly yellowed paper out for Virgil to see.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Virgil’s eyes widened as he scanned the handwritten words on the page and recognised the content.

“Where did you find this?”  Scott seemed unable to respond for a moment, but Virgil’s eyes were glued to the page.  Some of the ink was smudged with some kind of water damage – two distinct round spots near the bottom of the page – but the paper was dry, the damage old.  “I mean, I remember writing it but I don’t remember keeping it, or giving it to anyone.”

Scott pointed to the pieces of a picture frame on the desk.  The frame that usually held one of the last photographs of all five boys with both parents.  Along side the photo and the broken frame were a few other small pieces of paper, some with their mother’s handwriting on them, a pressed flower that Virgil recognised as one of Mom’s favourites and a scrap of embroidered fabric.

“Dad must have kept these things hidden in the back of the frame.  Reminders of her, I guess.  But the letter …”

Dear Mom,

I don’t really know why I’m writing this letter.  I just miss you so much and I didn’t know what else to do.

I wanted to talk to Scott because we always tell each other everything, but I don’t think he really wants to talk about this right now.  I know he’s hurting just like we all are but he seems to be coping by keeping everything as normal as possible for everyone else.  Especially Alan.

Scott is the one making sure all the chores get done and everyone gets to where they need to be on time and does their homework and stuff.  He’s taken charge, which is good because Dad’s not really doing that right now, but it’s bad because I think Scott’s not letting himself be sad that you’re gone.  He’s trying not to give himself time to think about it.

I can’t talk to Dad.  No one can.  Except maybe Grandma sometimes.  He went back to work so quick after the funeral and he stays there late a lot.  When he is home it’s like he hides in his office.  I’m not sure, but I think being in the house with all of us but not you hurts him too much.  Sometimes it even feels like he can’t look at us without seeing that you’re missing.

Gordon and Alan are too little.  I mean Alan still asks when you’ll be coming home.  He doesn’t understand what never means and Scott and John and I don’t really know how to explain it, so we just don’t and hug him tight instead. 

Gordon is old enough to understand death means we never get to have you here with us anymore but he wants to know why Heaven can’t have visitors.  He has so many things he wants to show you and ask you about.  I hope it’s okay I told him he could always talk to you because you can still listen even if you can’t answer.

Sometimes I worry a bit about John.  I can’t talk to him about this stuff either because I know he’s struggling with it too.  He’s gone quiet.  Even more quiet than normal.  He still helps with Alan and Gordon and does all his chores but I don’t think I’ve seen him smile or heard him laugh since you died.  Not even when Allie and Gordon get up to their mischief.  Plus he hasn’t gone up to the roof to look at the stars at all in ages.  Not even when I offered to go up with him.  I know you two used to stargaze together.  I wish you could let him know it’s okay for him to do that without you.

Mom, it’s so hard without you.  Sometimes I don’t know what to do and I know that if you were here you would have the answers and I feel so lost because I don’t know who else to turn to.  I miss you so much and I wish more than anything that I could have you back just for a day.

Love you always, Virgil.

“Why would he keep this?” Virgil’s fingers traced the creases where the paper had been repeatedly folded.  “How did he even get hold of it in the first place?”

“Why did you write it?”

Virgil finally tore his eyes away from the letter and looked back at Scott.  He couldn’t form the words to explain, but some of the emotional turmoil he felt was mirrored in his brother’s face and he realised he didn’t have to.  And suddenly his big brother was wrapping him in a welcome embrace.

“You were grieving and felt like you had no one you could confide in,” Scott said softly.  “I think when Dad found it he realised he needed to be there for us more and kept it to remind him of that.  We should have been there for you, Virge.  I’m sorry.”

“You were,” Virgil whispered back, returning the hug.  “In the end even Dad was better at it – all of us being there for each other, no matter what.”

[monodramatic-cannibal]

Yet another new utau oc ^^ Yusuke (+ a ref of his other form too)

More info under the cut. Will be adding to it when I think of more

-Head canon voice: Nothing's Working Out - Meiyo

More info on his design:

His height is 6’5 (not counting his ears). In his ‘snow leopard’ form there’s a doodle near the bottom right of it’s size compared to a 6ft person (to it’s shoulders it’s around 7’11)

Late 20s in terms of age (will edit if I choose an age), a little bit younger than most Sanses.

Pansexual, He/Him/They/Them

Is basically nearly always seen with the pillow. If he isn’t seen with it he is either holding onto someone he trusts or his tail

His tail can be any size, but he often has it long. 

Ability to turn into his ‘snow leopard’ form at will, for him this doesn’t take up much magic.

Can be drawn in other clothes, his clothing tends to be baggy techwear clothing, or just baggy stuff. Will often have star themed clothes, will also have a triangle accessory (In reference to Nix-Ceto, his best friend.)

Isn’t technically a Sans, but in his au he and his brother were referred to as ‘Sans’/’Papyrus’ respectively. 

In his skele form he has a ‘halo’ has it to match with Nix’s halo. He normally doesn’t have it in his ‘snow leopard’ form.

In his skele form he has paw feet, but wears specially designed shoes for his paws, mainly because he doesn’t want to get them dirty/wet.

-----------

His magic:

Has a high magic reserves but never tends to use his magic, this means he has magic build up and times his magic may go out of control. When he does remember to he will often try to waste his magic doing dumb stuff with it. 

With his magic he can flip back and forth between his two forms, His main form (skele) and his ‘snow leopard’ form. Both forms have different ways of using the magic. And despite being a ‘snow leopard’ he mainly has ‘fire’ based magic.

Skele form: Is mainly support focused, can create barriers/shields in this form he can use his fire magic to create a barrier that harms anyone that touches it. He can boost the stats of allies, e.g. speed, hp, def, etc. Can do this to multiple stats of one person. Can summon a pen that he can draw in the air with, he can create objects that can appear/get created through what he draws. Can’t create living things or food/water. If he wants to make specific things he can read up a little bit of information about how something works, and he’s then able to create it and have it work e.g. a motorbike. Depending on how big the object is, is depending on how much it takes out of him (e.g. draining him in terms of magic) Has mastery over basic ‘skeleton’ magic. E.g. bones/blasters. But due to his high magic reserve he can output this magic a lot better/quicker than the average skeleton.

‘Snow leopard’ form: Uses a lot more fire, and his fire has a poison/burn effect in this form. Basically anyone who is hit by this fire feels a burning pain that may never go. Can surround his whole body in this flame to protect himself from attacks. Uses the flame to push things away e.g. like a wind attack but with added fire. His tail can extend/shrink in length, can use it like a whip to strike people from a distance, or can use it almost like how a snake would use its body. Can turn himself into a ball of flame to go in one direction very quickly. His flames can get so hot that any water near it evaporates instantly. When in this form his stats change to boss monster stats. 

-----------

Used to have an au. For as long as he could remember it was always him and Papyrus. When he was a little kid having to look after a toddler/baby. He’d try to take any jobs he could (e.g. helping the villagers snow shovel, tidy, etc) as the villagers in snowdin looked after them, he had so much anxiety about being useful to the adults helping him, to repay their kindness. As he got older and could take part time jobs he jumped at the chance to take multiple and earn money to support both him and his brother, as a minor and it being a part time job he never earned that much so took multiple jobs to try to earn enough. He always tried to make time for his brother, always finding time to come home to read Papyrus a story and tuck him into bed. When he became an adult and Papyrus a teen he could quit a few of the jobs, since he was now full time and earning more money due to being an adult. But he still worked 2 jobs, he wanted enough money to provide for his brother, for his brother to have a good life. 

One day when tucking his brother into bed, his brother asked him to pick up a pillow that was across the room. Which when he went over to the pillow and picked it up, he was suddenly hit with the worst ‘gut’ feeling he has ever had in his life. He could tell his brother felt it too by his brother calling out his name. But when he stood up and turned around it’s like half the house had disappeared (like this, but only half), including the bed his brother had been laid in. He stood there in shock, before frantically looking for where his brother went. Looking out he could see the rubble of the house had been knocked halfway across Snowdin, and more buildings were getting ‘pushed’/destroyed, he ran as fast as he could to the other half of his house frantically digging through the rubble, shouting and screaming for his brother.

He could hear destruction around him, screaming and crying, but he didn’t care he needed to find his brother. He still had a hold of the pillow he had picked up, it now discarded at his side. He found dust, and his brothers scarf, leading to him having a breakdown, clutching both the scarf and the pillow. He could hear someone shouting in a commanding voice, but due to his state he couldn’t hear what was being said. 

He was snapped out of it when his shoulder was roughly grabbed by someone, when he turned to see, it was someone who looked quite similar too him. He basically got dragged over to a gateway, a portal. He yelled the whole time not wanting to leave the rubble where his brother had died. But the other him smacked him upside the head, telling him he can ‘grieve later, right now he needs to live, or to help him go gather more people to evacuate’. Realizing the people of Snowdin needed help as well he quickly began to help guide people to the portal, them going to other areas of the underground to do the same thing, till everyone who was left was now through the portal.

When they both got through the portal, he sat down still clutching the scarf and pillow, just staring at the floor, not really knowing what to think. He could hear others trying to comfort people that had come from his au, other versions of people that he knew talking to everyone. Hearing someone settle down next to him, he looked over to see the same guy that he had helped. The guy never said anything just watched on as people grieved. Leading to him doing the same. After a while tears started to silently fall, muttering things like ‘I could have saved him, I should have grabbed him when I got that feeling’. The guy next to him quietly listened to his muttering for a while before finally speaking. “You didn’t know that was going to happen. You want him to live, but think about it the other way, he’d want you to live if he was in your position right now… I can’t exactly tell you how you should live your life now, especially after something like that. But keep going, for his sake.”  

-----------

It took him a while to adjust to his new life, and ended up going by the new name Yusuke. He already had anxiety and such from when he lived in his au, but after the incident of his au, his worried and such doubled. He had found out the name of the other him that helped him that day was Nix-Ceto, though he just called him Nix. Nix would often stop by to check on him, which Yusuke appreciated since he was finding it really hard to make friends. He still kept a hold of the pillow and scarf, though he put the scarf in the pillow acting as extra stuffing for the pillow.

After a bit of struggling with life in the Omega Timeline, Nix offered to have Yusuke travel across aus with him, to help aus and such. Which he accepted, wanting to be close to Nix, seeing Nix as his only good friend. Due to their original time traveling together him and Nix became very close, he was able to see a side of Nix that basically no one would see. Which in turn he would try to show Nix more of himself and what he is really like.

After around 2 years of traveling together Yusuke finally decided he wanted to settle down back in the Omega Timeline. He desperately begged Nix to join him, not wanting to be alone really. But Nix decided to keep traveling, but promised that he’d try to stop by whenever he had time. 

Yusuke spent a lot of time learning a lot of creative skills such as 3d modeling and such, working remotely from his home in the Omega Timeline, this meant he rarely went out, so he found it really hard to make friends, he wanted to meet more people that were into the same things as him, so would often try to frequent places like café’s/etc with his laptop as he works. But could never meet anyone, because the people who were like him, were inside their houses refusing to leave, unlike him who was trying to make an effort to meet people in his own way. When Nix would stop by he loved it, Nix would often try to introduce him to other people, trying to help Yusuke make friends, and a few people he did manage to keep a friendship with, but for the most part his life is very quiet in the Omega Timeline. 

After a few more years passed, he got sick of feeling so lonely, especially with Nix going for longer periods of time. So Next time he saw Nix he asked to begin traveling with him again. Which leads him to current day when he is traveling with what group Nix is currently taking around.

-----------

Yusuke is a relatively chilled out guy who acts sleepy most of the time. He loves to joke around and just chill out and talk with people he gets along with. Despite being rather chill he’s also a crybaby, and can be easily upset, e.g. upset at any form of confrontation. He does try not to cry as much, often trying to hold it in. He feels bad when he makes people worry about him, and will often try to reassure people when he gets upset. He is still a very anxious individual, and can be easily spooked.

When he finds someone he can trust he will often be able to joke around with them, tries to find out people's boundaries when it comes to jokes, doesn’t want to accidentally cross a line. When he befriends someone he will adore them, and will often try to do things for them when he can. If he feels particularly close with someone he’d often hold onto them, only when he feels super okay with them/asks them if they’re okay with it. It takes him a long while to consider someone a close friend. He can be good friends with someone but not see them as a close friend. Depending on the person he’s friends with is depending on how quick he may also see them as a close friend. 

His pillow from his au that belonged to his brother is his comfort item, and panics when it's out of his sight. Gets nervous whenever anyone mentions the pillow, or whenever anyone touches it. When he doesn’t have his pillow in his hands he will often hold onto a close friend or his own tail. 

Is a fairly observant person, tends to notice things about people, places ,etc. Normally a quiet observer of things going on. Tends to step in and say something if he feels it’s something that needs to be mentioned. Will shake like a leaf if he has to confront someone about something. 

Hates being his fur being pet/brushed by someone he doesn’t know/isn’t close with. Will let very few people touch his fur, even less people can brush/take care of his fur. Will slap stuff (like a cat), normally stuff that's in front of him, can tell he's going to slap something when his ears suddenly go back. If someone he doesn’t know/isn’t close to touches him he will also slap right away with no warning, it will be out of panic. Has the agility of a cat/snow leopard, though he never really shows it off really. Will knead on fluffy things, or people he likes/is close too (if they’re okay with it, he will still ask them even if he knows they’re okay with it). Purrs really loudly, almost sounding like an engine he’s that loud.

When he’s in his other form, his ‘snow leopard’ form his personality changes slightly, to be more animalistic. Not fully animal, still with intelligence, but he won’t fully be himself. He’s more likely to run off of animal instinct in this form. Unlike him being passive in his main form, this form tends to be more violent, e.g. instead of getting upset about something he may get mad instead. 

-----------

Relationships/ (Friendships/etc) with other characters/thoughts on other characters: (will only write about my own ocs here, or fandom characters. Won’t write about others ocs due to not wanting to mischaracterize them)

Nix-Ceto: Is very close with Nix. Nix is his best friend. He appreciates everything that Nix has done for him, and actively works to at least try to repay Nix’s kindness despite Nix always telling him he doesn’t have to do anything for him. Bases some of his looks off of Nix, e.g. the flame halo to match Nix’s shark halo, and triangles across his design to match with Nix’s triangle theming as well. One of the few people that Yusuke lets touch him/his fur. In term he’s one of the very few people Nix lets touch him as well. Will often joke around with Nix, but knows Nix doesn’t tend to joke around as much with other people there. Will also jokingly flirt with Nix, just because he finds it funny and Nix is fine with it. Will often just yap to Nix, he knows Nix is listening even if it doesn’t look like it. How he knows Nix listens to his yapping is because one time he talked a lot about anime to Nix and then next time he saw Nix, Nix gave him a hoodie based off of an anime he was talking about. 

Tanue: Is kinda scared of Tanue, knows Tanue mostly means well, and does sort of get along with Tanue when Tanue is more chilled out. But for the most part he only tires to interact with Tanue when Nix is there. Tanue’s fight-y/loud nature spooks him. But when they do get along Yusuke enjoys the conversations that they have, and Yusuke also enjoys the food that Tanue may make for the group every so often.

[foxbinnstuff]

back with my crackship bullshit so soon holy crap! Anyways heres a ToriSaiKai ramble cuz my brains so dead

THIS MOSTLY GOES INTO TORIKAI AND THEIR FUNNY LITTLE DYNAMIC BE WARNED THIS IS LONG AND MIGHT BE OUT OF CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To me, ToriSaiKai doesn’t work that well as a full on relationship, it’d be so fucked 😭 its more of a “imagine them crushing on each other/imagine how messy it’d be if they dated for a couple months” so kinda like more like a crazy fling than anything

Toritsuka would probably find himself crushing on Saiki first cuz he can legit transform into a girl and all that, but thats been done 100 times so you get the jist :3 Tori’s brain works in a sort of “if I’m getting something from you, I’ll stay around” way so he’s being clingy to Saiki and doing extra favors for him and all that stuff because he just wants Saiki to date him at least once as Kusuko, which is far from a promise, so why is he clinging around Saiki and doing extra things for him if it doesn’t get him Kusuko in return? (he’s gay for Saiki and doesn’t realize yet) So he continues flattering Saiki and all that woth the excuse of Saiki’s shapeshifting. Why not just any other girl? Because Kusuko is canonically really really attractive and I don’t think the perv would let go of that for weeks to even months. But where does Kaido come in? Well, Kaido’s always kinda hanging around Nendo, Saiki and Kuboyasu with a huge emphasis on Saiki and Kuboyasu since he looks up to them so much, and heck you could even say “fuck it” and add Kubo into the poly crackship lol anyway, so in one way or another Kaido realizes he has more than just friendly feelings for Saiki but is in super denial! He starts feeling jealous over Tori doing all these favors and even flirting with Saiki, so Kaido’s like being protective and stuff in his own little ways going “Saiki, Toritsukas apart of the dark reunion! We need to release our powers on him!” very loudly and Saiki rolls his eyes, silently agreeing with Kaido and playing into it a little in his mind cuz yeah, maybe he should ‘release his powers’ on that perv. So Tori’s very aware of Kaido’s jokes but I do think that theres a misunderstanding and Tori thinks Kaido ACTUALLY has superhuman powers like Saiki, cuz Saiki has showed that he enjoys Kaido and see’s him as at least a friend more than a few times which is so rare for Saiki when they don’t know he’s a psychic. Tori is sort of confused and shocked when he makes that connection cuz Kaido’s so weak and small, but it kind of makes sense since his spirit guardian was a out of the ordinary chihuahua! Tori starts making thinly veiled threats back about his spirit medium power, saying stuff like how he’s gonna get a world star wrestler to possess him so they can fight it out like real men! Kaido really seriously thinks Tori’s part of Dark Reunion and Tori thinks Kaido knows about how Saiki’s a psychic and therefore knows about shapeshifting, wanting Kusuko all to himself like he does. I think it’d be really really funny if Tori knew about Kaido being gay first on accident 😭😭😭😭😭 a cocky Toritsuka going “I have no need to worry, I have waay more experience than you anyways” and a flushing Kaido going “Huh?! Who said I ever wanted him like that?!”

a bit of confusion all around! Its sort of hard for Saiki to decipher cuz all the misunderstandings but he eventually does, and he actually gets amusement out of it, not stopping it because that at first.

The 2 of them go head to head, Kaido not wanting his trusted ally and greatest friend to join Dark Reunion and Tori wanting a chance with Kusuko instead. They flatter him and pamper him and such and he actually doesn’t mind being bought extra sweets and such, he just has to put up with Tori’s overly flirtatious and suggestive comments from time to time and Kaido’s try’s at expressing his love for Saiki and how much he means to him, just so he doesn’t join Dark Reunion. Saiki can see that this is sort of ruining them at first because they both hate each other so much but then they start popping up in each others heads again and again I think it starts off as a sort of “maybe I should trick Kaido with this to make him look bad in front of Saiki!” and a “Whats Toritsuka doing over by Saiki?! He’s probably got something evil up his sleeve that’ll make Saiki succumb to the Dark Reunion! What if he puts something in his food! Poison? Something worse?!” But they get less situational and more sudden, Tori see’s something light blue and thinks “I hate that dumb chihuahua!” Kaido see’s something to do with ghosts and goes “that stupid Dark Reunion ghost perv!” They don’t even need to see each other much and they’re popping up in each other’s thoughts 10 times a day! That got a little worrying to Saiki, especially when they start having frustrated rambly thoughts about each other that felt like they never stopped.

“he pisses me off so bad! Flaunting his power around everywhere but not using it in front of anyone, such a cheap ploy just for chicks probably! Not to mention his cute act, how he probably uses makeup just to appear cuter and less threatening! That dark reunion crap is so annoying, every word out of that guys mouth carefully articulated to sound insane! He probably thinks he’s so good, that damn goody twoshoes! He drives me insane!”

“does he really think he’s so slick?! What did he even join Dark Reunion for?! To be a pervert to all the reunions women?! I should of known they’d have those kind of disgusting people, is he even a person?! His devilishly good looks, those can’t possibly be real or human! He’s some kind of undead or something! How dare he come back from his grave to haunt the JetBlackWings?! What a sick pervert!”

The thoughts lead up more and more, so does the flattery and the head to head battles. Tori pushes Kaido and Kaido punches Tori, Tori rolls his eyes and Kaido goes into a fit of yelling. Their thoughts about each other slip out but the only thing they can understand are the accidental compliments, catching them both very off gaurd.

They sort of want to understand each other and why they’re doing this after a while, Tori asking stuff like “whats your deal?! We can just take turns!” and Kaido yelling “Why did you even join Dark Reunion, to haunt him!?”

They don’t really get anywhere except they know more and more that this is all for Saiki but they want it to stop, but they really don’t want it to stop at the same time. Their little fights and nonsensical arguments replay over and over in their heads, keeping them up at night, trying understand what the other was saying, trying to understand what’s happening to their brains and why its always either each other or Saiki.

what I like about it is the huge fucking mess they have to get out of, cuz lets be real, Kaido and Tori are like COMPLETE opposites

[superfan44]

Why Sora Should be Treated the Same as Superman (An Opinion Piece)

As I get older, I'm able to look at various fictional characters more closely, understanding more about why they're so iconic. A few years ago, I gained a renewed interest in the Kingdom Hearts franchise, seeing why so many people love its story, characters, and of course, its crossover element with Disney and Final Fantasy. I want to take a little look at the franchise's main protagonist, Sora, shed a light on him if you will. I feel you could draw some similarities between him and the DC Comics hero Superman (aka Kal-El, aka Clark Kent).

Now, I know this may seem like an odd comparison to some of you, but personally, I think it does kind of make sense when you think about it. Obviously these two have very different personalities, backstories, powers, and motivations that drive them. However, both are kindhearted, optimistic heroes from humble beginnings, with a strong sense of justice and morality. Not to mention a desire to help others and do the right thing.

Their respective actions certainly speak for themselves on that front, as they each go about it in their own unique way. In the comic book All-Star Superman, one issue sees him fighting a group of lizard men invading from the Earth's core. Then, in another issue, we see him stop a depressed teenage girl from stepping off a building, giving her comfort and support. Yes, he's got super strength and godlike powers, but he's also considerate, compassionate, and gentle enough to offer a helping hand whenever needed. Superman is a hero who inspires the best in all of us. He is, as filmmaker James Gunn once put it, kindness in a world that sees kindness as old fashioned. Even though he lives on a planet he wasn't born on, he still aspires to bring hope to that planet, providing them a light to show the way. Krypton made him the man of steel, but Earth made him human.

There are moments in the Kingdom Hearts series where we see a bit of that kindness mirrored in Sora as well. One minute he would be cutting down Heartless with his keyblade, the next he'll be enjoying good times with his friends, old and new. Whether it's dancing around with Rapunzel in the Kingdom of Corona, visiting Winnie the Pooh and his pals in the 100 Acre Wood, or helping to make Boo laugh in Monstropolis. He protects the world order and fights against the forces of evil, but he's also having fun along the way. There's a playfulness to Sora, a big smile on his face that warms people up inside. He's a brave young man who can easily form connections with anyone he comes across. There are still hardships to face, but he perseveres through it, showing that deep down, there is a light that never goes out. Even when it seems like he's on the verge of giving up, his friends are there to inspire him and lift him back up, just as he had done for them. He follows his heart, which is, and has always been, his guiding key.

You could say that these similarities are due to the fact that Sora and Superman are very much archetypal heroes. Joseph Cambel's hero's journey cycle (which also heavily influenced Star Wars) can be seen in both of their respective journeys. Individuals from humble beginnings who venture out into the wide world ahead of them, encountering various allies, enemies, and obstacles along the way. The journey ultimately leads to the heroes gaining greater powers and becoming more than who they were before.

It's also worth noting that another thing Superman and Sora have in common is that sometimes they are both willing to take great risks in order to save the people that they love. In Superman: The Movie, the man of steel himself flies around the Earth at great speed, turning back time to save Lois Lane from an earthquake. In Kingdom Hearts 3, Sora uses the power of waking to bring back Kairi after her body was destroyed by Xehanort, sacrificing his own life in the process.

So, why do I bring all of this up? Because I believe that this is something that writers should keep in mind when tackling Sora, whether it's for fan fiction, comics, novels, etc. I've noticed this trend on the internet of people deconstructing the psychology of Sora and delving into the negative effects that his adventures have had on him. A few of them have even declared his optimism and playful smile as a form of "toxic positivity". While it does seem like an interesting idea, I feel like it's causing people to forget about why they love him in the first place. In some cases, there are those who end up going too far with that notion.

Not long ago, I stumbled upon a Kingdom Hearts fan fiction story titled Keys to the Kingdom. Basically, it reads as an alternate universe reimagining of the events of Kingdom Hearts 3. Even though it was well written, this version of the story gets extremely dark, depressing, and cynical. Not only that, but it also mistreats Sora in a somewhat disturbing way, portraying him as a tortured and tormented soul. While his arc in this does prove to be compelling at times, it was still very jarring, making for an overall unpleasant experience. The fic seemed to be so focused on beating this character down, so intent on having him suffer throughout, that it ends up losing sight of what makes him so endearing and likable. Or, to borrow a quote from the young keyblade wielder himself:

"You're so caught up in finding the shadows, you forgot about the light that cast them."

This doesn't feel too out of place with the "evil Superman" trend that was around for a period of time. The video game Injustice is a prime example of this, as it depicts Superman as a merciless dictator of a fascist regime, who rules with an iron fist and shows no compassion towards crime or his enemies. Even other creations like Homelander from The Boys and Omni-Man from Invincible are representations of this idea since they are basically evil Superman-types. Admittedly, I do give those two a little more leeway since they were made specifically for the stories they came from. They are not directly related to Superman other than having similar powers. Although this concept can be fun to tackle with an original character, I don't think it feels right to try to do it with the genuine article himself. That's not really who he is.

When making the first Superman movie back in 1978, director Richard Donner took it upon himself to do the big blue boy scout justice. He didn’t want the material to be treated with disrespect, nor to be seen as a joke. There's a word he used to emphasize this as a top priority: "verisimilitude". For those unfamiliar, the basic definition of it is the appearance of being true and real. Not only was that word hung up on the wall above Donner's office (which it was), but it also established the mission statement that many of the great superhero movies made in the years since then have followed:

Be truthful, honor the source material, believe in it, take it seriously.

This is the type of mindset that should be adopted by anyone who adapts any kind of preexisting work, especially when it comes to something like Kingdom Hearts. If you want a good example of how to write Sora in a way that showcases how great he is while also being faithful to who he is, there's another fan fiction story titled Starbound, created by my friend @skygent. An anthology with an overarching narrative mixed in, it uses the setup of Sora's disappearance at the end of Kingdom Hearts 3 as a way to examine the impact that he's had on all of his friends and allies. In a deeper, meta sense, it offers an analysis of the connection that fans of the franchise itself have formed with him.

The stuff that has been written so far for this fic is absolutely amazing. In fact, it's what led to my renewed interest in Kingdom Hearts in the first place. It has pretty much what you would want in a story like this one. Balancing a sense of scale, mystery, and adventure, but also quiet reflection. Offering some fun little twists, but still retaining the core essence of what the source material is all about. Through this story, we see various characters (including some not featured in the games) learning of and reacting to Sora's disappearance, remembering their encounters with him in the past. Some of them are even inspired to try and figure out where he is, willing to doing whatever it takes to help find him and bring him back home. Here, they demonstrate just how much he means to them, just as they all do to him.

To be clear, I'm not saying that Sora should stay exactly the same. In a series like Kingdom Hearts, we want to see those characters grow and evolve. With the things that Sora has experienced throughout the series, and with where we will find him at in Kingdom Hearts 4, it'll be interesting to see where he goes next. At the same time though, we also should remind ourselves that people love this character for a reason. As this young hero embarks on his newest adventure, he shouldn't lose what makes him who he is as a person. Instead of pulling him apart, I think Sora is someone who deserves to be celebrated. To be treated with dignity and respect, just as Donner did for the last son of Krypton. In the same way we've celebrated Superman over the years for what he stands for and represents, Sora should also be recognized in an equally similar way. Their respective core values and good morals, all the stuff that makes them heroes. It's these things that turned them into pop culture icons who remain with us to this day. It's why they will continue to be icons in the foreseeable future.

Two beacons, shining bright in the darkness. Never forget that.

[starlightsearches]

star!! hello!! ☺️

I have been once again thinking about the arranged marriage au (frankly, I'm often thinking of the arranged marriage au lmao) and I also saw your post from yesterday (👀👀) so I thought I'd send in a question that I've been meaning to ask you for a while if that's okay!

my question is: how do you think the other officers (esp. like the older imperials) reacted to Hux marrying RC? were they like "wow finally he's doing something respectable?" or were they more like "yeah of course Hux would have to buy a wife?" or do they just not care at all? or did they have another reaction that I didn't think of?

and this is totally just if you have thoughts or if you want to answer - no pressure at all ever! 🥰🥰

and also, very unrelated to the question but still related to the arranged marriage au, I was listening to "uptown girl" by billy joel today (as one does lol) and I was thinking it's very Hux and his wife coded!! ☺️💕

okay that's all my random thoughts for today! ☺️ sending you love and wishing you strength to push through the last little bit until spring break!! 🥰🥰

Charlotte, my love!! I've missed seeing you on my dash 💖 I'm gonna ramble so I'll put my answers under the cut :0)

This is such a good question! I imagine that Hux probably had to share his plans in a meeting at some point, and the idea makes me laugh.

It would be some kind of strategy session or an update on progress made with certain allies—a semi-regular meeting that everybody dreads—and it's literally like Hux and a bunch of old-ass ex-imperials who make up the political arm of the Order, making vague threats and letting out barely concealed insults as they tick off agenda items and wait for the meeting to be over so they can all bitch in private.

Hux added something vague to the end of the agenda about a potential alliance and proceeds to sweat bullets throughout the whole meeting, certain that they can all smell the weakness on him, that they know. Lots of these men knew (and approved of) Brendol, and that's not something he can forget easily.

Hux manages to remain professional when he states his intentions to marry, claims it's all for the benefit of the Order (no other reason 👀), and he actually kind of sells it?

The ex-imperials are surprised, certainly, but also almost impressed. They're so used to butting heads with Hux, practically ripping their hair out because he's so stubborn and why can't he just see things their way?? Most of the men in that room were married for similar reasons, and they're honestly shocked he would do the smart thing for once.

It earns him a bit of grudging respect for a little while, but then they see him actually interact with RC after the marriage and they're like, "oops, our mistake. this guy is a total fuck-up 👍🏻."

In terms of the rest of the officers, there's so much comedic potential in Hux not telling anybody that he's gonna get married. I imagine that he put something benign in Mitaka's schedule on the day of the wedding about like "diplomatic visit" and when they get there Mitaka's like, "sir, this is a wedding," and Hux is like, "duh, I'm getting married."

I think opinions on the ship range from "what the fuck?" to "maybe he'll be less of an asshole if he's getting laid regularly." RC's initial experiences on the ship are . . . less-than-friendly.

Uptown Girl is a great Hux and wife song! It really is very strange for him to be around someone so soft and loving 🥰

Thanks for chatting with me, as always, my love!! I promise I will have new Hux and wife content for you to enjoy eventually!

[smolandweirdwriter]

hi hi hi show me your adaine/naradriel vision pls

Their father's worked together often, and Adaine hated Nara. She thought she was a scatterbrained, spoiled idiot. And no, none of this stemmed from a place of jealousy. That would be absurd.

“Nara is a bitch” is quite possibly the only thing Adaine and Aelwyn had ever agreed upon before Adaine’s sophomore year of high school. 

As children, Adaine would be forced to spend more time around Nara than Aelwyn, because she was the youngest and had to “earn the opportunity” to socialize with the adults as an equal (or some bullshit to that effect, anyway). She and Nara and other kids would basically be lumped together towards the end of a table at dinners and things while Aelwyn would sit a smidge closer to the adults, smiling and simpering and being the Perfect Daughter. Adaine would try not to talk to Nara, who honestly just… Didn’t get the social cues of I-Don’t-Want-To-Talk-To-You that Adaine put across. She was fairly sure Adaine disliked her and didn’t understand that. In her mind as a child Adaine Abernant was the epitome of cool. She was clever, but she also argued with her father and talked back and didn’t seem to care about the opinions of others. Nara really, really wished she could be her.  She wanted to impress her. She didn’t want Adaine to dislike her—so she tried talking to her. Which, of course, Adaine loathed. 

When Adaine moved to Solace, it took only a few years for Naradriel to fade to the back of her mind. Childhood memory is a fickle thing. She does not remember their home in Fallinel, does not remember more than snippets of dinners with her father’s political rivals and allies, does not remember moving. She does not remember Nara.

Until. She sees Nara on Tracker’s lap and a flood of memories return.

This bitch, Adaine thinks. There is no way—no fucking way—Tracker would ever fall for her. 

She continues on with that mentality, albeit hiding it, because she knows how important Nara’s father is and how he might give her what she wants. (Angwyn loathed that he needed to report to Lord Kestadine Narmorith, and he always ranted at great length about the other's deceit and political betrayal when they were both moving up in the Fallinel government. It's not until Adaine sees the words "Princess Naradriel Narmorith" in Tracker's Instagram post that the connection hits her. It's funny. She's never agreed with her father on anything. Yet they both hate the Narmorith family. Princess isn't really a proper translate anyway--Fallinel isn't a monarchy, the positions aren't inherited through blood. Magic--power--reigns supreme there, for thousands of years, or however long someone wants to hold their position in rule. Nara's just the daughter of a rich and powerful elf. She's a political tool, of course, which makes her princess-adjacent, but the official title, which does not have a true translation in Common, can be attributed to any of the children of someone on the Court of Stars.)

Adaine meets Nara. She's a bit naive, and Adaine is quick to call her stupid as many times as possible because it makes more sense than the other less sensible words that pop to mind and flutter to life in her stomach and blood when she sees her sister's new girlfriend, but she's also kind and she seems earnest enough. She's a bit try-hard, though. 

Still. It seems like Tracker's been leading her on a bit, from the way Track looks at Kristen.

Which, of course, is entirely Tracker's business. Adaine's never even been in a relationship. It's not her place to judge Tracker.

Adaine had pictured Nara's father to be, well, similar to her own. Perhaps a little closer to how he treated Aelwyn than how he treated herself, but a normal elven father nonetheless. He wasn't.

He wasn't. 

Kestadine Narmorith was a patient father. He agreed to Adaine's demands. He listened. 

Adaine is lightheaded from the sheer shock that her problems might be solved so soon, that she might not have to fear failing her wizarding classes, that if it doesn't work she might fall into an even worse hole of failure, and that a man her father had hated was a good parent--she cannot focus. 

She stumbles out of the meeting to gasp quiet thanks to Nara, and just...Can't process. 

Nara has a crystal now, for whatever reason. They exchange numbers. They start talking.

[draftyinhere]

I was thinking about some little head canons last night and I was listening to The Crane Wives, suddenly I felt the urge to pick out songs for each Winner. I decided to share my song takes among the people of Tumblr.

Grian - Curses - The 'anthem' for the Life Series, it might be basic but I like to think it is the song that when you hear it you immediately go 'Life Series'? Also it goes along with how he has the OG curse, the "Widow's curse", where Grian is doomed to outlive all of his teammates, and he is the original Winner.

Scott - Queen Of Nothing or Acrturus Beaming - Queen of Nothing because Scott is a ✨💅Queen💅✨ also he is a king without a kingdom. Arcturus Beaming for the whole Star thing going on. Also another thing for Queen of Nothing is that in the Life Series, Scott is in the spotlight a lot of the time which is kind of fitting.

Pearl - Hollow Moon - 1, she is Pearlescentmoon, and people say with the whole Scarlet Pearl thing, is that she became hollow inside. With no friends and the only company being her wolves.

Martyn - Mad Dog - the whole song is a bit erratic with both the music and words which fits how Martyn went a little bit crazy at the end of Limited Life. With also the way he won, he didn't fight with his fists, he stabbed both of them in the back.

Scar - Allies or Enemies - the way he says, "how did the guy with no friends win?" Also a lot of people use that song for Desert Duo and it just fits with how Scar doesn't know who to trust.

Cleo - Nobody - some people don't recognize her as a Winner while others (like myself) do, they deserve to be on this list with the song that represents how some people think she does not belong in the Winner's circle. Also the whole their and Lizzie 'divorce arc', cough, fairy fort, cough.

Joel - Predator - I know the song is about patterns of self-harm but we can all agree that Joel is one of the most dangerous people in the Life Series, he really deserved that win. Also some people " you opened the door for an Apex predator" also Joel did open the door for an Apex predator (Grian, in Wild Life tried to kill him but he killed him first).

Honorable mentions;

The Glacier house is so Desert Duo/Scarian coded, like a departed relationship (either platonic or not) meeting once more, 3rd Life and Double Life.

People can tweak this and input their opinions but just know, this is my opinion that I wrote at like 12 o'clock at night.

[icedragonlizard]

Mr. Gentleman Mouse Thief is in my mind at the moment, so allow me to talk about him for a little bit.

Daroach isn't my most talked about Kirby character or anything, but I sincerely think that he's really cool beans.

Squeak Squad is... on the lower end of Kirby games for me, but at least it did introduce a very cool character in Daroach.

He's definitely my favorite out of the wave 2 dream friends.

I love that this guy just has an aura of coolness around him not commonly seen in most others in the cast. And I also love that even after redeeming himself, he's legit canonically still a thief LMAO.

Daroach's thievery antics make a lot of room for potential as to how he could interact with others in the cast, in my opinion.

I don't necessarily take Star Allies intro gags as either canon or gospel, but I'm well aware of the gag where Daroach steals Magolor's ship away from him. And I think that was utterly hilarious.

My interpretation of Daroach is that he's laidback, good-humored, and is capable of notable kindness as he has a soft spot for some people (most notably his squad, Kirby, and the rest of wave 2). But he also very much enjoys causing mischief via committing robberies.

He steals from most of the other dream friends, quite frankly. Although it's not particularly personal as he doesn't really have disdain for any of them. He just does it because it's fun and enriching for him. He's relatively indiscriminate in terms of who he robs, as there are only a few people that he truly won't steal from.

Those few people include Kirby (because he ain't gonna mess with Kirby), Adeleine, Ribbon (because he'd feel terrible to steal from them), and Meta Knight (he'd want you to believe the reason he doesn't steal from Meta Knight is because of how cool Meta is, but in reality it's because Meta Knight WOULD MAKE HIM REGRET IT).

Daroach is a trollish guy in my headcanons. He's good-humored, like I said. He cracks bad jokes and he might talk your ear off when he's hanging out with you. Part of the motivation of him stealing from certain people such as King Dedede is by virtue of liking to get a rise out of them.

My interp of Daroach being this good-humored is what allows him and Marx to be friends, as they both have that "enjoyment from getting reactions out of people" thing in common. They've definitely teamed up together in mischief before.

I've also blessed Dark Meta Knight by having him be buddies with Daroach.

I like to imagine Daroach's (and by extension, the entire squeak squad's) home being secretive. Like a hideout. It'd make sense because if people found out, their place would totally get raided in revenge for all the robbery attempts. My headcanon is that the squeak squad has their hideout located in a secret place in the Popstar country of Sand Canyon (an area introduced in Dreamland 3).

But yeah, that kinda sums it up here. I've got a lot more for Daroach that I could talk about but I'm gonna keep it brief (at least in comparison to a lot of my other posts LOL).

The guy is super cool and sly, and the stuff we have to work with for him can be very fun use in terms of how he could interact with other characters. Mischievous gentleman thief that's laidback and likes to have fun!

[steve-brules-rules]

I will forever be sad that the game kind of glossed over the whole world synthesizer thing at the end of Lemuria. It actually felt kinda confusing because there was so much more that should’ve been said!! So I’m here to fill in gaps :))

The wizard always thought they had more time. Nobody ever seems to realize how little time they have until it’s gone. Not even immortals.

The wizard is exhausted both physically and mentally from the drawn out and unnecessary fight against their allies. They look up just in time for their eyes and Dasein’s to lock. His expression is faint, but the wizard recognizes the sad smile in his eyes before he disappears into the world synthesizer. One second he’s there, and the next he’s evaporated into the machine. The world synthesizer whines to a halt. The wizard no longer hears Dasein’s voice or sees his smoky presence hovering on the edge of their peripheral vision.

And it breaks the wizard in a way they didn’t even think was possible.

The next day or two is a blur. The wizard can’t even be sure how much time has passed since they took the synthesizer and wordlessly walked away. The ringing in the wizard’s ears had started as a slightly annoying symptom of stress and dehydration in the jungle heat. But it had become deafening when they were instructed to destroy the synthesizer.

The wizard steals the synthesizer, instead.

At first, they try every spell they can think of to extract Dasein. They even try calling out his name in the hope he might hear them.

Now, lying next to it, they barely care if this weapon somehow reactivates. Maybe if it does, they’ll have the chance of seeing him again. Just one more time in their last few seconds of existence. But no matter how hard they try, the wizard can’t delude themselves into believing that’s enough time at all.

The synthesizer lies on the couch in the spot where he loved to sleep. His favorite blanket—the fluffy one with the pattern of yellow stars and pink piggles against dark indigo—is draped carefully over it. Sometimes the wizard thinks they see a green shape on the couch. Other times, they swear they can hear him mumbling nonsense in his sleep. But every time they rush over, they realize it was just their imagination.

The wizard talks to the world synthesizer. All the conversations they thought the two would have time for. All the playful arguments about that silly top hat. All the reassurances that he doesn’t have to feel shame about the physical form he innocently chose, despite its previous owner’s crimes. All the other things the wizard was too shy to admit, too... There were alot of those. Like how most people can’t even understand the meaning of “divine paradox,” but the wizard knows he can understand. They understand each other in a way no one else ever could.

The wizard crosses their arms and lets a shadow of a smile fall over their face, as they stand and look at the synthesizer with the blanket carefully draped over it. They could have never said it out loud, but the wizard had grown to like seeing The Old One’s form whenever he was around. They were a bit sad to see it go. His alien appearance had become so normal in such a short amount of time.

Another torrent streams down the wizard’s face, for no apparent reason. The wizard catches themselves rambling through their tears again, and they force themselves to stop talking. They turn away from the synthesizer and try to ignore the color rising in their cheeks.

Nobody prepares you for how awkward, confusing, and messy godhood is. Especially when the only active gods left are you, a talking tree in Ravenwood, and the Nothing that has been crashing on your couch for the last few months.

The wizard wipes at their eyes and slowly sits on the couch. They’re leaning to the side before they even realize it, until their head lands on the soft cushions. If they angle their head just right, they can watch the hypnotizing pulse of blue and red shining through the blanket. It’s both comforting and unbearably painful. The wizard smiles sadly at the thought. Even now, he still manages to be a paradox. They drape an arm over the synthesizer, and they swear the blue light pulses stronger for just a second. But it’s probably just their imagination, like always.

Why is this so difficult? They’ve lost others before. It was always painful and overwhelming, but it was never like this. The wizard wished they could scold him. Why did he have to be so kind and selfless? That was the wizard’s job, and he paid the price for stealing it in just a single second.

Every emotion cycled through the wizard’s mind at top speed as they closed their eyes. Resentment, mournful tranquility, worry, the worst pain imaginable, and overwhelming—no, not that one. Don’t think about that one. Think about literally anything else.

Memories play on repeat in the wizard’s mind, whether they like it or not. Over and over, the wizard ruminates on every little moment. His eyes always sparkled when something caught his interest and curiosity: everyday objects, history, literally any kind of science… and the wizard. Especially when they leaned against him, or held his arm in excitement, or poked at the tentacles on his face just to grin and watch them twitch. Actually, that last one probably annoyed him a little.

He always felt a bit cool. Probably because of the whole alien-squid-person thing. But he was comfortable anyway. Especially when they would sit together and he would suddenly drape an arm over the wizard’s shoulders. That was the wizard’s favorite. He would awkwardly stare straight ahead with a nervous expression. The light in his eyes would practically dance while he tried to hold a normal conversation like that.

The wizard smiles at the synthesizer and wonders why they both played that game. As if either of them could ever try to deny the obvious. Maybe they were both shy. Maybe he had no idea how to deal with those feelings, considering he’s an entity from beyond space and time. After all, he had spent a lot of time just trying to make sense of the feelings his vessel had been capable of.

The wizard idly runs their thumb over the glass of the synthesizer a few times and sniffles again. Was this how Spider and Raven felt? Did they know an eternity wouldn’t be anywhere near enough time to spend with each other?

And would he and the wizard also have eventually gotten tired of each other like their predecessors? Could a Divine Paradox and Nothing destroy the spiral if they got in a big enough argument?

It would have been better than this pain, the wizard concludes. Anything would be. After all of the wizard’s mortal friends fade back into the spiral, after stone has crumbled to dust, after nobody remembers who the Divine Paradox is anymore, who else would be left, except him?

The world synthesizer can’t stay here forever. People will start asking questions about where such a powerful device went. The wizard also knows it wouldn’t look good if people found out they were keeping a world-destroying bomb in their apartment in the arcanum. They don’t know how they’ll ever let it go, though.

The wizard’s throat tightens, and they hold the synthesizer closer. They want—no, need more time with the only creature in the spiral they could ever love so fully and so deeply.

Just a little while longer…

[jessequinnfirstofhername]

controversial opinion (I don't think it is tho) : I think people who hate on Shin are kind of unreasonable to be honest? It seems the core hatred for the character was born when the wolfwren ship got celebrated by the stars of the Ahsoka series, by conflicting ships. The idea she is a "bloodthirsty, violent, psychopath" is... not really founded when you look at every minute she is on screen. She is on the opposite side of a war, so yes she kills people who see as "good", but there are no moments in the series where the villainy she is accused of truly comes out.

The truth is that aside from cool fights here and there, Shin doesn't talk that much and doesn't make that many decisions that are not someone else's (her Master's.) So the very few words she does say and the very few decisions she does make on her own matter all that much more. The fact Filoni made sure that the stab wound made to Sabine is visibly at an angle certainly explained her survival, but it seems people who hate Shin reject the nation of asking themselves "why stab someone non fataly?" Because yeah... why do that? Another few moments is her pursuing her fight with Sabine in her rage, stopped by Baylan. And last big action she commits on her own is questioning her master about the promise he made to Sabine. Breaking the promise achieves their goal, there is little since to questioning it if ahe is as evil and bad as she is framed to be. She doesn't have a clean slate, but people can love Anakin for commotting the jedi equivalent of a school shooting and they can love Maul for killing plenty of beloved characters. Shin's crimes pale in comparison for the level of hate she gets.

My opinion is that she is villainized this hard because certain people think that if Shin is bad and evil and crazy, she won't be shipped with Sabine Wren. And when you hate a character for what people think of the character inside their heads... you kind of lost the plot?

I just think so many people are missing so much of the mysteries and intrigues around Shin specifically. Baylan knew the jedi order, he knows the millenias of history between the sith and the jedi, but Shin? She wields a red lightsaber and has a jedi padawan braid. When she talked about a jedi, she said "just like me." She has no conception of this hard solid line between light and dark, she sees opposing goals, she doesn't hate the jedi, Baylan certainly seems to have no hate for them and he is her master. Clearly he never taught her something that goes against what he fundamentally believes. So we are left with a New Empire hired padawan of a former jedi, who cannot draw the line between the light and the dark fully, who relates to a jedi and value to some degree promises made to them, who now has to confront the other side in a serious way to know where she stands in the full big picture of the fate of the galaxy. COME ONE THIS IS SO COOL.

Why so much hate? All for a ship? Shin to me was the highlight of the Ahsoka series. Many speculate she will be a jedi and I think they may be right, I think Baylan and Ahsoka are different shades of grey, and their padawan are destined to choose to be jedi like those who trained their masters. Or maybe their own separate shade. People summarizing Shin as a villain to vanquish really seem just focused on keeping Sabine away from her, but whether they remain nemesis or become allies, it is a bit ridiculous not to think they are doomed to have plenty more of story between them.

I like Shin! I also like Wolfwren, I think it's a cute ship.

However, I'm not really involved in the fandoms (or the anti-fandoms) for either, so I don't know too much about The Discourse. I can't really speak much on this issue.

The only thing I feel confident speaking on is this: the fact that Shin is scrutinized for actions that are far, far less severe than what- for example- Anakin Skywalker has done probably has less to do with Wolfwren discourse and more to do with plain old sexism.

If Anakin Skywalker was a female character, we'd live in a world where the character would not be being brought back for nostalgia, and her actress's career would've be destroyed.

A female Hayden Christensen never would've gone on to do movies like Jumper, and there would be no female equivalent of The Haydenaissance.

Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox.

That was a really interesting ask, Anon. I'd love to know what people more involved with the Shin/Wolfwren fandom think!