#I will forever distrust the internet

[randum-famdoms]

Heyyy, new annual Halloween cosplay just dropped

This year I redid my Kaminari cosplay from scratch! It was my first ever cosplay, I made it to wear to the second bbha movie when it hit theatres. It looked terrible!

For this one I painted the shirt myself - tho that is actually from my akira cosplay from last year. The jacket has some iron on lightning decals on the shoulders and an iron on lightning patch on the chest, but you can’t seen them well here. I did that and the wig myself (and the makeup obvi). I wanted to get some yellow colored contacts, too, but they’re really expensive and I currently have less than ten bucks in my bank account, so. Yeah. Not gonna happen. I did buy some clip on lightning earrings and non-piercing ear cuffs tho! Which is even BETTER because I can wear them for as long as I want (whereas colored contacts expire). It’s cheaper than real earrings and piercing my ears, so.

I already made a post complaining about wig styling and how I wish I’d cut this thing on my actual head because it’s too short and wig hair sadly doesn’t grow back (if yours does then burn it and call the ghost busters), but other than that I’m really happy with how this turned out!

Now if only I had a taser….

[plantanarchy]

all the replies to this are wonderful and exactly what I mean.

I guess my biggest difficulty with the energy of native plant activism is the idea that we can buy our way into saving the native environment in our own individual yards. We can't. Not really. Not as the sole effort of ecology work. We can't just buy the right plants and pull the naughty plants and save the day. Not even as a network of people all doing the same things in their yards.

listen i love and grow and appreciate native plants as much as any plant ecology nerd but good god the energy of a lot of native plant discussion on social media continues to be so............ much

[tathrin]

Gonna rant a bit, feel free to skip. I just have to say this to someone, even if it's just the empty void of the internet lol.

So, Rings of Power Season Two. I'm quite enjoying their Annatar, and the way they've wrought his influences on Eregion's people (even if it is all very truncated and consequently without any real subtlety haha), and the Celebrimbor-pulls-a-Maedhros moment was utterly fantastic. 10/10 screaming on the couch, no notes.

But ughhh I wish Celebrimbor looked like Celebrimbor.

By which I mean, I wish he looked at least a little bit like Fëanor.

Instead he looks more like Bilbo than anything else. I look at this dude and I don't see somebody who seems like they're on the brink of getting caught-up in a massive forging project or about to start spouting some epic song he learned in the First Age; I see someone who looks like he wants to pour me a cup of tea and settle down by the fireside to tell me a pleasant little story.

Which is a lovely vibe, but not very Celebrimbor-ish imo.

(Actually the lack of elves-being-elf-like overall is one of my biggest irritants with this show. And yes I will forever be irritated over the stupid hair, but right now I'm talking mainly body language. Some of them are doing it—Galadriel, Arondir, Gil-galad, etc—but for the most part, the elves just move and act like people. Normal, everyday, ordinary human people. Having Sauron around being Annatar instead of doing his Halbrand thing highlights this even more in the second season, because he's acting so delightfully not-human with the way he moves and stands and emotes that their basic total-human-ness is all the more glaring in contrast.)

Where is your vaguely-ethereal grace, your strangely light posture, your ancient-being aura? When you stand still do it like you've got a presence! When you walk give me some spring, or some glide, or something! Put your shoulders back, raise your toes, hold your arms with some deliberation! Do something. Orlando Bloom didn't put all that work into [cat] body-language to have y'all turn around and just move like normal folks.

But I digress.

Back to Celebrimbor! This guy is supposed to evoke the memory of Fëanor, an elf driven by so much fire and passion that he spat in Morgoth's face and nearly set the whole world to ruins in his wrath. And instead they designed his look and attitude to be "friendly non-threatening uncle" I guess? What were they thinking?

I know we don't know much about Celebrimbor as a person, and lots of different interpretations are valid; but come on. They could have given us SOME sort of fire to him, surely!

Where is the Celebrimbor who is always chaffing for more, to prove himself worthy of his lineage? Where is the Celebrimbor who has spent centuries swallowing shame over the blood on his family's hands? Where is the Celebrimbor who refuses to be ashamed, and instead flaunts the Star of his House proudly right there on Durin's Door? Where is the Celebrimbor so passionate about his craft that he'll walk through the distrust of Doriath to befriend dwarves again? Where is the Celebrimbor who is afraid of his own power and passion, having seen where those things led his forebears? Where is the Celebrimbor determined to prove himself equal to Fëanor and Curufin; or even their better? Where is the Celebrimbor who wants, so badly, to make the world better that he ends up falling headfirst into Annatar's schemes like a silmaril scorching the hand of a kinslayer?

Where is the Celebrimbor who burns so brightly that he'll go to his death with his last secret unspilled?

I think the actor is a good actor, don't get me wrong. And I think he's doing a very good job of playing the character he's been given. (I think Charles Edwards would do a good job playing an elf, too, if this show had bothered to have all their elves be elves, and not just the few whose actors I guess decided to play it that way on their own or something???) I just wish the character they'd given him had been a little bit more Celebrimbor, scion of the House of Fëanor. Both in looks and in attitude.

Seriously why was Benjamin Walker the only male elf in the whole damn first season they managed to put some damn elf-hair on? Why does Celebrimbor have Hobbit curls? I was genuinely so confused when he walked on screen because he looks like a Hobbit! That is Hobbit-styling going on there, you have established that as Hobbit styling, what are you doing costumers???

When I look at Annatar, or Galadriel, or Arondir, etc, I feel like I'm looking at the character. I buy it! I'm on board! I'm invested. When I look at Celebrimbor, I just feel like I'm looking at an actor.

A good one, mind you! His emotional journey has been magnificent. But I still feel like I'm watching an actor perform a role, rather than seeing the actor as the character.

And I really wish it was otherwise.

Because this has been such a delightful surprise of a season, the Eregion bits especially. (Which is not to discount the dwarves, who are my other favorite storyline, but not really on-topic for discussions of elves and elvish-smiths haha.) But whenever I see guy-playing-Celebrimbor, the illusion breaks.

And that's a fucking bummer.

[himboadvocate]

It’s not hard to romance Astarion while also being a hero.

In fact, the man is ACTIVELY trying to seduce the Tav. If you need help upping your approval with the internet’s vampire boyfriend while only doing marginally questionable things I’ve got you.

I swear you guys are just either not resting enough or exploring enough before the tiefling party. REST PERIODICALLY. Partial rest is a thing if you’re low on supplies, you won’t get spell slots back but you’ll get them CUT SCENES IN.

Ask Lae'zel to say please when you rescue her

make the tiefling dude bow to her. (He was making assumptions about her based on her race, I don’t feel bad about this.)

tell auntie ethyl everything about the parasite when you meet her in the grove.

bully the mirror in the basement in the blighted village (if you fail that check there’s a flamey orb thing that happens which sort of sucks but like... also the coffin immediately to the right has a scroll of Quasit that summons a little asshole named shovel, have a spell caster summon him and you have a little murder buddy forever, the rest of the coffins just have undead in them)

Tell Raphael to take you back and that you’re not making any deals with him when you meet him the first time

agree to help Karlach

go down to the cursed forest place and tell the brothers they're on their own to find their sister (help the sister anyway)

Talk to a redcap on the way to auntie ethyl’s and when they baah at you, baah back.

When you go down into auntie ethyl's little secret place, scare the guy who's already scared shitless and thinks you're a mind flayer (this one's iffy morals wise but there's no consequences)

go up the path to the left of auntie ethyl's house and don't rat Astarion out to the Gur, then murder him together.

let the guy hit you with a mace in the goblin camp (do it 3 times and you'll have a nice buff for the rest of the game)

Go to the guy that’s being tortured and say you’ll do the torturing, then immediately turn and kill the goblins in the area instead.

Let him bite you, Shadowheart can fix the bloodless debuff with lesser restoration.

Stand up for him when the others distrust him, tell them they can leave if they don’t like it. He really just wants someone, anyone, to stand up for him because that's never happened before

Do this stuff *before* the tiefling party and the man should have already come begging.

[contemptuous-lump-of-flesh]

You’re not a rapist or an evil person. I understand that it’s very annoying and sickening to be generalized with bad people. Also have you experienced misandry from people outside of social media? Like from a relative or someone you know? /lh

Also, isn’t this a space to discuss and men’s mental health issues and fight misandry? I know me saying this isn’t really gonna make you feel better, but I think you should feel proud of yourself more? Many times men’s issues are constantly ignored or undermined. You are doing the right thing by fighting misandry.

Both genders have shit they deal with, none should be diminished in any way. ( I’m not trying to say you are diminishing women by mentioning this, I’m just starting it because it’s a fact)

Try not to beat yourself up so much. And you know, I understand you’re genuinely not in a good place right now. When you are, it’s kinda hard not to. But when there’s a day in your life when you feel decent, just give yourself kudos if you can.

(I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable🥲, or if my response sounds rude. But I wanna hear your opinions.)

Sorry for the aggressiveness of my first response. I am used to being on the defensive with these topics, as the default view seems to be that men have no problems as men, or that we're privileged, even (still waiting to cash in on that). I assumed bad faith on your part, but turns out I was the one in bad faith, apologies.

Misandry in real life? Constantly. I would argue that internet is real life these days, but I'll ignore that for now. Paraphrasing, but:

Visit parents: "men just don't take responsibility like they used to."

Hang out with cis women: "men only want sex and it's disgusting."

Hang out with queer friends: "cis scum benefit from patriarchy and have nothing to complain about."

Trying to make new non-cismale friends: treated like a criminal or threat, at best. Have to prove I'm human just to get to a baseline level of respect. And even then, people are still wary around me because I'm neurodivergent.

Had to register for the draft at 18, so at any time I could be called on to die for oligarchs.

This is my vent blog where I whine & moan & complain about everything, but mostly how much I hate myself despite trying to change. I do talk about misandry because it makes my journey that much harder to find support & community with the suspicion & distrust directed towards male strangers.

That said, yes, I do understand that women have their own issues. I do not want to diminish them at all; try as I might, I can't be anything but progressive in my values. But when the dominant discourse is about how bad women have it and how horribly men oppress them, it feels like getting thrown under the bus, at best.

Thanks. I guess I'm trying, but I don't see it ever changing in any meaningful way. Even setting aside dealing with society, BPD + ADHD are lifelong hells I will forever have to manage, and this blog is one way I try to vent stress. Thank you, though, I do try.

[trainsinanime]

Bit.ly is making me uneasy. One of these days their site will go down, and so much stuff will break. Even if it's only for an hour. It's just too ubiquitous.

For example, I bought some model railroad accessories (DCC decoders specifically) recently. They come without a manual, which is good because I have too many manuals of that type already. Instead they come with a sheet that contains a bit.ly URL and a QR code. And if I try to open that—I can't. Apparently the manufacturer's bit.ly account got suspended. And that's just such an unforced error. Just have a normal URL there, and have a QR code that leads to the manufacturer's website, which works perfectly fine.

Actually this decoder is a special cheaper version for that dealer, you have to visit the dealer's website to download the manual. My guess is also that it's the dealer's bit.ly account that got suspended. But this isn't really relevant unless you need the manual for the PD10MU-3 DCC decoder, and you probably don't. Just remember, red and black go to the track, orange and grey the other way. There's nothing surprising about this decoder, it's just cheaper and lacks a few of the nonsense features you probably don't need anyway.

Somehow we managed to find a gatekeeper and single point of failure for the concept of internet URLs. That's just grim.

You may ask, why should we distrust bit.ly? I'd say, why did we ever put ourselves into a position where we needed to trust them in the first place? But philosophy aside, there are good reasons to distrust them, such as that they apparently keep banning German model railroad stores, or just that they're an internet company that keeps giving away their main product for free and that can't go well forever. Or that any complex system will have issues sooner or later, either technical, organisational or financial. Or that a key part of their product, the ".ly", refers to Libya, a country that has been in an on-and-off-again civil war since 2011, and if control over the top level domain ever changes hands or becomes uncertain, that's going to cause a lot of fun for everyone.

If you can, don't use bit.ly, just use the full url, including in QR codes. Let's all try to do our part to keep the internet resilient.

[monarchisms]

Pessimistic side of my brain is worried about like, what if theAH archiving and Dogbark happening as a new brand is a way to obfuscation and bury all the controversies of of AH? I have nothing to based this on I'm just fucking, distrustful still

i feel like if they actually wanted to obfuscate it, they would've just nuked the channel altogether and pretend it never happened lol. besides, the effects of the controversies were huge and are archived on the internet forever, so any attempts to bury any controversy is futile

i feel like what's happened here is a mercy kill, if anything (if that's the right term). like. including major controversies like ryan being a predatory cunt, and fucking everything in 2022 that i've lost track of, several members who haven't left years ago got laid off in special cases (matt and andy), or got too busy with projects within rt to the point where they barely show up anyways (like gavin and more recently lindsay). the remaining members choosing to make a new thing from scratch is better in the long run, and feels more sweet than bitter to me. better that than to keep AH going until it ends with a whimper, at least :P

[sebstanaddict]

Love Song

Sebastian Stan x Reader Story

Chapter 17 - Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

Summary : A romantic comedy story between Sebastian Stan and female reader where we witness their journey after they said I do.

After knowing how they had lied and hid secrets from one another they had the biggest fight of their lives. But as they realized how much they still loved each other, it was inevitable that they would forgive each other. Their happiness didn't last long however as another obstacle was dumped to their heads, literally. How will they cope with this? Will their love finally break apart or will they be able to overcome everything and live happily ever after?

Pairings : Sebastian Stan x Female!Reader

Chapters : 17/21 (might add more)

Chapter list >

Warning : angst, fluff, sexual references, bullying, insults

Word count : 8.8k

This is a sequel to my first Sebastian fic Always You. If you want to understand more about Sebastian's and reader's relationship, please read it first. But it's not necessary to understand this story. Check it out here.

---

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much

And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust

There's a reason why people don't stay where they are

Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough - Patty Smyth & Don Henley

---

La Suite Shangri-La, Shangri-La Hotel, Paris, May 23rd 2023 - 7 am

As consciousness slowly seeped into her mind, the first sense that she was aware of was her sense of smell. She knew what her nose was smelling before she even opened her eyes. It was his signature scent that she loved so much. The combination of pine and citrus from the cologne he wore mixed with his signature scent felt like heaven for her. She could also feel his warm arms around her shoulder and the rise and fall of his chest on her cheek.

She cried in his arms last night until she felt really exhausted. It seemed he was exhausted too. So they ended up sleeping side by side, arms around each other as usual, as if nothing big had happened. The last thing she remembered was feeling a sense of peace as she focused on the sense of her back being rubbed gently by him.

She couldn't deny that she felt really comfortable in his arms. Just like she always had been in the past 22 years. Comfort, he really was her comfort person. No matter what happened in her life, he could always make her feel comfortable. Even though this time it was him that made her uncomfortable.

The memory of what happened last night stung her heart. The pictures of him with Stephanie and the hooker, the fight, the negative talks on the internet, the anxiety and distrust she felt for him. All of them came to her mind like a freight train. Leaving her heart crushed with the pain.

No, she didn't want to think about it just yet. She knew she should wake up, they were supposed to leave to Rome in several hours but she didn't want to. She just wanted to stay in his arms forever and forget yesterday ever happened. She didn't know if she could handle reality just yet.

She took a deep breath, filling herself with his scent, ingraining it into her memory, as if it was the last time she was going to be able to do it.

The last time. Yes, when he was punching a punching bag at the gym she had thought about it. She had pondered the possibility of, God forbid, getting a divorce from him. She knew she was getting ahead of herself. She knew she should seek other options and make a divorce be the last resort. But she couldn't help but think of that possibility. Especially if they couldn't trust each other again. And if he, after all that had happened, still prioritized his work rather than his family. She also considered the fact of how much she hated to be in the public eye, especially with something so negative associated with her. She just wanted to be a normal person with a normal life. But being married to him definitely couldn't make that a reality. As long as he kept being an actor, it was inevitable that she would stop living like a normal person. And that thought made her sad.

He stirred and slowly she could feel that he had kissed her forehead gently. She felt her eyes pricked with his gesture. Oh how much she still loved him but also hate him at this moment. The two opposing feelings overwhelmed her and she couldn't help but cried again. Tears fell from her eyes even though her eyes were still closed, leaving his shirt wet.

"Sweetheart, are you still crying?" He asked gently.

She sniffled and finally opened her eyes and looked up at him. He was looking at her with his eyebrows furrowed and sadness colored his beautiful ocean blue eyes.

"I am. I'm sorry." She wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Oh honey. I'm sorry.. I really am sorry for everything." He said as he squeezed her body tight.

"I'm.. I'm sorry too, Seb. For everything." She said, her voice shook.

"What is in that mind of yours, honey? What are you thinking?" He asked gently as he put a stray of hair behind her ears.

She sat up slowly and took a deep breath then let it go.

"I just.. don't know yet how to deal with all this. All the negativity is killing me. And.. I can't believe I'm saying this but.. I love you yet at the same time I hate you. Does that make sense?" She asked as she turned to look at him.

"It does make sense Y/n, as much as I hate to admit it. I mean.. I felt it too yesterday, that's why I left. I needed to do something to let the hate go."

The thought of him feeling hate for her surprised her and hurt her too. They really did at one point hated each other yesterday. The realization made her stomach churn in discomfort.

"I guess that's where the term fighting like an old married couple comes from huh?" She said.

"I guess.. yeah." He shrugged.

She sighed and looked down. She really hated this part of marriage. She knew when she was getting married to him that things weren't going to be rainbows, unicorns and butterflies all the time. But she never thought they would have to deal with something as hard as this.

"Can I ask you something?" She asked after a while, turning to look at him.

"Of course, you know you can ask me anything." He said as he sat up as well and gazed at her expectantly.

"If nothing happened between you and Stephanie, then why didn't you tell me about meeting her?" She asked. That was one of the things that was still nagging her mind even though he had told her that nothing happened between them.

"I.. maybe I was embarrassed? To have dated someone who turned out to be a stripper. And.. well.. you know how chaotic our wedding was like and all the events after that. It just slipped my mind. I'm really sorry, honey." He replied. Regret clear in his eyes.

His explanation made sense. But the insecurity and jealousy still dominant in her heart.

"I.. I know I'm being crazy, but. Did you also sleep in each other's arms when you were with Stephanie? Or with your other exes for that matter?" She asked slowly, apprehension in her eyes.

He didn't answer right away. She could see a little panic and surprise in his eyes which made her suspicious. But then his eyes showed concern and he reached out to take her hands in his.

"Sweetheart, I'm not sure how the answer to that question will help us. It doesn't matter how I slept with them. It was all in the past. Right now what matters is you, us, Starlene."

"I know. I just.. I guess I want to know if I'm special. If you do something different with me compared to your other exes. It's just the jealousy in me. You know." She sighed.

"Honey.. I married you. I chose you. I left all of them for you. I waited 20 years to be with you. I waited for you to break up with Zac for years! And.. I guess that's why I'm so jealous of Zac. You have no idea the pain I felt those two times I went to your apartment to tell you how I felt about you only to find Zac behind the door." He said as he released her hands from his and gazed at her, pain and anger in his eyes.

She completely forgot about that fact. She understood now why he was so jealous of Zac and she felt guilty for all the pain she caused him. Yes, she was in pain as well because he didn't tell her about Stephanie. But then he was also in pain and it broke her heart.

"I.. I'm sorry, Seb." She said, reaching out to touch his hand and squeezed it tight.

"It's okay, honey. I ended up getting to be with you and that makes me happy. But I don't think I will get over being jealous with Zac. Especially after what happened." He sighed.

"Oh Seb, you have nothing to worry about. Zac is just a friend. Actually, he's not even that. I asked him not to contact me again."

"Oh, you did? Why?" He asked, his eyebrows raised.

"I.. well, after meeting him the second time I could tell he still had feelings for me. He asked if we could be friends again. But I just thought it was a bad idea so I decided to cut him out of my life."

"What?! After all these years he suddenly wanted to be friends with you?! Didn't he just leave you like that and never contacted you again?!" He asked, his voice raised in anger.

"I know. That's why I said no and asked him to stop contacting me again."

"Well, good for you sweetheart. He's an a**hole and doesn't deserve you. You know, if I ever get to meet him again, I would punch him in the face." He said furiously.

She was reminded again by the kiss Zac did to her back at the hotel in Amsterdam and how Sebastian almost found Zac in their room. She felt glad to make the decision not to tell him about the kiss. Seeing how he was so bothered like this, she couldn't imagine how angry and hurtful he would be if he knew Zac had kissed her. He would probably kill him.

"You're so cute when you're all jealous like this." She chuckled, deciding to change the tone. She was getting exhausted with all the negativity between them. She realized the only one who could change that was herself.

"Oh.. you like seeing me getting all bothered like this?" He asked in disbelief.

"Well.. maybe a little. It helps raise my confidence level." She said with a twinkle in her eyes.

"Oh honey. Come here." He said as he pulled her gently towards him.

She sat on his lap and put her legs around his waist, straddling him. Then they put their arms around each other tight.

For a moment they just enjoyed being in each other's embrace. The simple act raised the confidence in each other's hearts and erased the jealousy they felt for each other's exes.

After a while he released her from his embrace, cupped the sides of her face with his hands and gazed at her intently.

"Look, Y/n.. no matter what happened, I love you. I will always love you. And I will never cheat on you, ever. You.. are.. the love of my life. You complete me like no other woman can. I will never hurt you by cheating on you. Please believe me, sweetheart." His eyes gazed at her full of love and hope.

She couldn't help but felt her heart swell with love at his words. Yes, love. Despite everything, she really did still love him. Maybe he was right. They could get through this as long as they still love each other and stayed loyal with each other. He did say he didn't cheat on her with Stephanie and she believed him. She didn't cheat on him either. So, there was no reason for them to split up. She really was getting ahead of herself.

"I love you too, Iubirea mea. I believe you and I will never cheat on you either." She smiled and his face brightened at that.

"I love it when you call me that, sweetheart." He smiled as he leaned closer to her.

He gazed at her full with love and gently kissed her forehead, both her eyelids, her nose, her cheeks and finally her lips.

His gentle kisses felt like home to her. As their kiss deepened she felt the hate, jealousy and distrust in her heart gradually disappeared, replaced by love and forgiveness.

He broke their kiss after a while and gazed at her intently.

"Honey, I'm sorry. Just a hypothetical question. I know how much you like Jude Law. If.. he suddenly comes to you and said he's in love with you and want to be you what would you do?"

"What?! Seb! Why are you asking me this?" She asked, laughing a little.

"I just want to know." He shrugged.

"Seb, it's impossible for Jude Law to fall in love with me. We barely know each other. Why didn't you name other men, like.. my other exes?" She asked in disbelief.

"Well, because I know now you would never accept them back into your life, seeing how each one of them are a**holes. But Jude seems like a perfect man. So.."

"He is not. He cheated on his fiancee. Did you know that?" She asked.

"Oh yeah, of course. But he didn't cheat on you. So.."

"Seb.. we barely know each other." She said in annoyance.

"But if you do know each other well.. would you leave me for him?" He asked, gazing at her with his eyebrows furrowed.

She finally realized it, despite everything, he also felt insecure about being with her just as she was insecure about being with him. They really were so similar to each other, even down to their insecurities with each other. The thought made her realize there was no one else more perfect for her in this world than him.

"Seb, Iubirea mea. Even if Jude Law, or Brad Pitt or Chris Pine comes to me and tells me that they love me and want to be with me, I will never leave you. You're the only man for me. There's no one else in this world more perfect for me than you." She said, gazing at him intently.

"That's all I need to hear." He smiled and his smile made her smile as well.

He leaned closer to her and kissed her again and for a moment everything felt perfect just like the way they used to be.

"Chris Pine?" He asked after a while, breaking their kiss.

"Yes.. what about him?"

"I didn't know you like him."

"Well.. I liked him in Star Trek and Wonder Woman."

"Star Trek.. you know I lost the role of Kirk to him."

"I do know. I don't think you fit as Kirk. I'm sorry, Iubirea mea. Chris is perfect as Kirk."

"Ouch! You know you deserve to be punished for that." He said as he started to tickle her waist.

"No.. Seb! Please don't." She giggled as he tickled his waist relentlessly.

"The monster is hungry, the monster wants to eat." He growled as he stopped tickling her and started to kiss and bite her neck gently.

"Seb.. stop it. You could wake Starlene up." She protested, struggling to let him go as the sensation of him kissing her neck sent shivers down her spine.

And sure enough Starlene woke up and started to cry.

"Okay.. okay.. I guess make up sex will have to wait." He said dejectedly as he let her go.

She laughed as she removed her legs from around him, scooted to the edge of the bed and stood up.

"Iubirea mea, it will have to wait until we get to Rome. You know we're leaving in like three hours." She reminded him as she scooped Starlene from the crib into her arms and rocked her gently to soothe her cries.

"Oh, right. We better get ready." He said, standing up as well.

-----

Somewhere on the way to Charles de Gaulle Airport, Paris - May 23rd 2023 - 10.30 am

She never thought being married to Sebastian would make her fear for her life.

No one knew who tipped the papparazzis off about where they were staying at. But when they got out of the hotel to get into their rented car, they were bombarded with flashes of lights from the papparazzis' cameras. The papparazzis shouted at them, asking for them to clarify their status and comment on the scandal the whole world thought that they were in.

Sebastian put his arms around her, protecting her from the papparazzis' harrassments as she carried Starlene and with great difficulty finally got into their rented car.

She thought they were safe as soon as they got into the car. But the papparazzis' were relentless and blocked them from being able to leave. It was not until the hotel security scolded them off that they finally backed off and let their car go. However, some of the papparazzis' had gotten into their own cars and motorcycles and started following them as they drove to the airport.

The driver of their rented car sped on the street as he tried to shake the papparazzis off their tail. Swerving left and right on the crowded street, almost hitting other cars in the process.

"Slow down, man!" Sebastian shouted, panic in his voice as the driver took a hard turn to the right at Place Charles de Gaulle, a large junction where twelve straight avenues meet, with Arc de Triomphe standing in the middle of it.

"I'm sorry, sir. But don't you want to shake them off?" The driver asked as he slowed the car down a little.

"Well yes, but I don't want us to end up like Princess Diana!" He protested, referring to the death of Princess Diana which was caused by a car accident after the driver of her car drove the car recklessly as they tried to shake papparazzis off their tail. Ironically the car accident also happened in Paris, not far from where they were at.

"I'm sorry, sir." The driver said in regret.

"It's okay. Just.. drive normally. It's no use anyway trying to shake these guys off." He said as he looked out the window.

She looked out the window as well and saw one of the papparazzis in a car next to them, taking pictures of them with their car window down.

She shook her head in disbelief as she looked around and realized their car ended up being surrounded by papparazzis in their cars and motorcycles who were still taking pictures of them and shooting videos of them.

It took about half an hour to reach the airport despite being chased by the papparazzis.

"Back off.. back off.. okay?! We have a plane to catch! Please, just back off!" Sebastian shouted as soon as he got out of the car at the airport's departure area.

With help from the driver of the car he successfully put all their luggages into a trolley while Y/n waited in the car with Starlene, not daring to come out for fear of being harrassed by the papparazzis.

"Come on, honey. It's okay." Sebastian said after he was finished dealing with their luggages. He opened the car door and guided her out.

She grabbed his hand tight and reluctantly got out of the car, flashes of lights from the papparazzis' cameras welcomed her.

Sebastian put his arms around her as they walked into the airport, following the driver of their car who had offered to take their trolley inside.

As soon as they started walking the papparazzis started to shout questions at them.

"Y/n! Is it true you cheated on Sebastian?!"

"What were you doing with Zac Hansen?!"

"Sebastian! Did you really hire a hooker in Cannes?!"

"Sebastian! How does it feel knowing you married a sl*t?!"

She felt her heart stung painfully as she heard one of the papparazzis' insult towards her.

Sebastian stopped as he heard that last shout from the papparazzi, prompting her to stop as well. He turned towards the papparazzi, grabbed the front of his collar with both hands and brought the papparazzi's face close to his.

"No one calls my wife a sl*t! You a**hole!" Then he released his hold on the papparazzi's collar and punched him hard in the face, startling everyone.

"Now back off all of you! Or I will punch each and every one of you!" He threatened, looking around him towards all the papparazzis.

Then he turned towards her and put his arms back around her and started to walk into the check-in area, leaving the papparazzis dumbfounded at what just happened.

As soon as they got into the safety of the check-in area and stood in queue he turned to her with his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"Sweetheart, are you okay? I'm sorry about those stupid papparazzis." He said, his voice still sounded angry.

"I'm... I'm okay. Thank you for standing up for me, Iubirea mea." She said, her voice trembled.

"Of course, honey. I had to do it. That papparazzi deserved it." He grumbled.

"I hope you won't get into trouble for punching him."

"Oh he had it coming, it wasn't like he didn't trigger it. And we had plenty of witnesses who heard what he said. Don't worry about it." He said as he put his arms around her shoulder and squeezed her tight.

"Well, I hope there won't be anymore papparazzis in Rome." She said.

"I hope so too, honey." He said as he gently kissed her temple.

But their hopes were squashed in an instant. As soon as they got out of Leonardo Da Vinci International airport's arrival area they were bombarded yet again by papparazzis flashing their cameras at them and shouting questions at them, hindering them from being able to hire a taxi to take them to their accommodation.

After quite a struggle, they were finally able to get a taxi. She waited at the sidewalk with Starlene in her arms as Sebastian and the taxi driver loaded their luggages into the taxi. She covered Starlene's face and braced herself as the papparazzis continued to take pictures of them and shoot videos of them.

She was staring at Sebastian and the taxi driver when she felt her head wet all of a sudden. Someone had poured a drink on her head!

"Take that you wh**e! You don't deserve Sebastian you know!"

She turned around, the sweet liquid dripping from her hair onto Starlene, and found an angry girl shouted at her. The girl was wearing a Winter Soldier shirt and she was clearly a misguided jealous fan girl of Sebastian.

She didn't have a chance to respond as the angry girl turned around and ran quickly away from her.

She looked around and the papparazzis continued to take her pictures and shot videos of her. She never felt more embarrassed in her life.

She turned around to face Sebastian who was looking at her in shock.

"Oh my God, honey! Are you okay?!" He shouted as he ran to her side and put his arms around her shoulder.

She tried hard not to cry. She knew what she did next was going to be broadcasted all over the world. So she tried to stay calm even though deep inside she felt her heart in immense turmoil.

"I'm okay.. just wet." She chuckled but she couldn't hide the shake in her voice.

Sebastian immediately guided her to get into the taxi and after making sure all their luggages were in, he got into the taxi next to her and instructed the driver to leave immediately.

As suspected some of the papparazzis still followed them and she wondered whether they would be able to get out of the situation.

"Sweetheart, I'm really sorry about what happened." He said as he pulled some tissues from a tissue box that was thankfully available in the taxi.

He started to rub the tissue on her face and head and helped dry her hair while she took some tissue as well to clean Starlene up. Starlene was thankfully not cranky at all and just stared up at her as she cleaned her up from the liquid which seemed to be Pepsi.

"It's okay, Seb, it's not your fault." She shrugged.

"Oh but it is. I saw who did it to you. I can't believe they would dare to do something like this to you. You know what, I think I will never use Instagram again after this. And I'll never go to fan conventions again. Ever." He announced with hate in his voice.

"But Seb, that was just one of your fans who did that to me. It's unfair to the others who are nice and respectful to us." She protested.

He didn't respond right away but she could see the love and admiration in his eyes.

"You truly are the most patient and understanding woman in the world, Y/n. I love you so much." He said and he leaned in closer and kissed her, surprising her a little.

"I love you too Iubirea mea." She smiled and broke the kiss even though deep down she didn't feel the smile.

She couldn't wait to get into their accommodation and just cried her heart out in the bathroom. But seeing how the papparazzis were still on their tail and they didn't want to be followed back to their accommodation, they decided to take a drive around Rome as they tried to shake the papparazzis off their tail.

For their stay in Rome she had booked accommodation at a bed and breakfast located not far from the city center. But seeing how the papparazzis were very stubborn and kept following them, not to mention the incident with the crazy fan girl, she wondered if maybe they should stay somewhere else. Somewhere more private and with better security.

"Sweetheart, what do you think if we stay somewhere else? Somewhere more private and with better security." He asked, as if reading her mind.

"Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing." She replied as she pulled out her cellphone from her handbag and gave it to him.

"You want me to search for the options?" He asked, accepting the cellphone from her.

"Yeah.. I'm sorry Iubirea mea, after all that happened I can't think straight. I think I'm still rather shocked."

"Okay, I'm sorry again honey for what happened." He said, gazing at her with his eyebrows furrowed.

"It's okay Iubirea mea, it's really not your fault." She smiled and he smiled back.

After browsing for options Sebastian decided to book a suite at one of the most luxurious five star hotel in Rome, Hotel de Russie. Located between the Spanish steps and Piazza del Popolo, Hotel de Russie was dubbed "paradise on earth" by French poet Jean Cocteau in 1917. And the title still rang true until today. The hotel had a stunning Mediterranean tiered Secret Garden with rose bushes, orange trees, and mature pine. It's hard not to feel like one had stepped into heaven on earth. And that was exactly what she felt as she and Sebastian finally stopped at the hotel and entered the beautiful garden.

The hotel had the option for guests to check-in at their suites, especially celebrity guests like Sebastian who had booked one of the largest suites they had on offer, the Valadier suite. So once they arrived they were immediately whisked away to their suite, away from the papparazzis who finally left them because they couldn't get into the hotel and away from prying eyes of other hotel guests.

The gentle sounds of the small waterfall flowing in the garden immediately calmed her down as they walked towards their suite. There was a beautiful courtyard in the middle of the hotel with tables and chairs set in rows where people could sit and enjoy snacks or drinks while enjoying the serene atmosphere of the hotel. Looking at the beautiful courtyard she made a mental note to ask Sebastian to visit it. But as they passed it she could see and feel people turning to look at them, some even looked at her in dislike. She changed her mind immediately and decided that she would rather stay at their suite rather than being out there and being stared at by strangers with judgmental looks on their faces.

After passing the courtyard and the garden and climbed up the stairs for several floors they finally arrived at their suite. Her eyes widened as they entered the suite. The suite had stunning views with floor to ceiling windows overlooking the Secret Garden and Pincian Hill. It also had a french balcony facing the garden. The interior was airy and bright with green and yellow color palette and decorated with contemporary yet classic style. With one huge bedroom, a living room and a marble bathroom complete with a bathtub, double showers and double washbasins, it really was the perfect place to stay after a stressful day.

As soon as they were settled in she immediately went to take a bath with Starlene, trying to clean the sticky mess the Pepsi left on her hair. While she was in the bath Sebastian ordered some room service for them. They had arrived in the afternoon, missing lunch so they were famished. There was a beautiful restaurant out at the garden, a level above the courtyard, but they decided to eat in their suite instead as they were still feeling tired and wary of getting out and being in the public eye again.

As she soaked herself in the bathtub with Starlene on her lap, her mind wandered back to all the shocking events happening that day. How with just one simple decision, the decision to visit Zac at his concert, things could snowball into something scandalous and preposterous like what they were experiencing. Her heart ached as she remembered the papparazzi shouting an insult at her. Then she could feel the coldness of the Pepsi poured on her head and how hurtful it was to see someone looking at her with so much hate and calling her a wh**e.

Her eyes pricked as she remembered the events. All the emotions she had bottled up inside since those events happened finally exploded to the surface and she cried hard. Starlene, sensing her mother's distress looked up at her and started crying too.

"Oh Starlene dear, please don't cry too." She begged as Starlene continued to cry and both mother and daughter cried in unison.

"Sweetheart, are you and Starlene okay? Can I come in?" Sebastian asked from behind the bathroom door. It was inevitable that he heard their cries. The bathroom was adjacent to the bedroom where he was lying down on the bed getting some rest.

"Come on in, Seb." She replied as she sniffled and tried hard to stop crying.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and willed herself to calm down as Sebastian opened the door and approached them.

"Honey, my darling little star, what happened?" He asked as he knelt by the bathtub and gazed at them in concern.

Starlene stopped crying as she looked at Sebastian and stretched her hands up, wanting to be picked up by him. He went to get a towel then reached down and picked Starlene up. He wrapped her gently in the towel and looked down at Y/n, who just gazed at him with tears still falling down her cheek.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" He asked again, concern filled his eyes.

"No, I'm not okay." She sighed as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"Oh honey, are you still thinking about what happened?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I need some time to digest things." She sighed again.

"Tell you what, I'll put some clothes on Starlene and I'll come back for you. We can talk then, okay?" He suggested. She just nodded in response.

She stared at his back as he went out of the bathroom with Starlene. Her heart ached as negative thoughts started to enter her mind. Being married to a celebrity really was not a walk in the park like everyone thought, she sighed. She remembered how from the get go their relationship had run into obstacle after obstacle. She was reminded again on the thought she had before their wedding. It really seemed as if the universe didn't want them to be together. Was this the universe's way of literally pouring a Pepsi on her and making her stop and realize that maybe they just weren't meant to be?

Her heart went into turmoil as the thought entered her mind. Maybe it really was bad luck kissing him right before the ceremony. Maybe it really was bad luck accepting that bracelet from Sebastian's mother as the something blue she wore during her wedding. After all, her first marriage failed. She couldn't help but wonder if her marriage would end up the same way. She wasn't superstitious in the least but having all these unfortunate things happening to her and Sebastian throughout their honeymoon just might turn her into believing in it.

She was drowning in the depths of the negative thoughts when Sebastian entered the bathroom again.

"Starlene is all dry and clean. I left her in the crib. She seemed to be sleepy." He said as he went closer to her.

"Okay. Thank you, Iubirea mea." She nodded as she looked up at him.

"You're welcome, sweetheart.

Mind if I join you?" He asked, still with concern on his face.

"Of course not, Iubirea mea." She smiled but her smile didn't reach her eyes.

Sebastian took off his clothes and she scooted to the front a little as he slowly sat behind her in the bath tub. In normal circumstances looking at him in all his naked glory would immediately turn her on. But not this time. She felt a little like being outside her body as she felt Sebastian's hands gently rubbing her head and cleaning her hair. Her mind kept on replaying all the things happening to them since they got married. How absurd everything were and how they all made her doubt their relationship.

For several minutes they didn't say anything as he continued to clean her hair with some shampoo and put some conditioner on her hair as well. He took the time to also massage her head and shoulder gently, giving her some unexpected spa treatment.

"How are you feeling, sweetheart?" He asked as his hands continued to massage her head gently.

"Conflicted." She replied.

"Oh? Conflicted about what?"

"Well, on the one hand I really want to enjoy your massage on my head and shoulder but on the other hand the negative thoughts that we're just not meant to be together keep on appearing in my mind." She sighed.

"What?! Honey, what makes you think we're not meant to be together?" He asked, dumbfounded as he paused his movements on her head.

"Well.. everything that had happened to us since we got together."

"Okay, I understand that honey, but like I said, I believe the universe is testing us to see how much we love each other and how strong our love is for one another." He said adamantly.

"You think so?" She asked, doubt in her voice. "Because the minute we made up earlier back in Paris we were immediately bombarded by another obstacle, and then the minute we arrived in Rome the same thing happened. There was not one city we visited throughout this honeymoon where we didn't experience a single obstacle, not one. Don't you find that strange?"

"Honey, all marriages face challenges."

"I know, but.. most likely not like ours. We haven't had a break since we got married, Seb. I'm.. I'm tired." She said, her bottom lip trembled as she tried hard not to cry again.

Sebastian didn't respond immediately and just wrapped her in his arms, burying his nose in her hair as she failed in her effort not to cry and she continued to sob.

"Ssshh.. sweetheart, everything is going to be okay." He said gently into her ear, trying to soothe her cries as his hands rubbed the sides of her arms gently.

His soothing words and gentle carress helped in calming her down. She stopped crying and wiped the tears from her eyes and sighed.

"Honey, we still have three more days in this honeymoon. It's not over yet. We could end it in a happy note." He said, trying to cheer her up.

"Yeah? How? I doubt we could get out without being followed by those papparazzis." She said in defeat.

"You know the hotel offers a private tour with a private car, guide and chauffeur. I bet they could arrange something so we can get out without being seen by those papparazzis. And we could just stay in the car, avoiding all the crowded places." He suggested.

"Seb, despite how tempting it is, I don't feel like going out at all." She sighed.

"Okay, I think the hotel has an indoor pool and spa. We could just stay in and relax in this place without having to go out. And there's that beautiful garden outside, we could just stroll around there. What do you think?" He asked.

"That sounds good." She finally said after giving it a thought.

"Good. I'm happy you think that. And you know, this suite is beautiful, if you don't feel like going out at all we could just stay in and make love all day." He said and she could feel his manhood twitched underneath her bottom, making her involuntarily felt turned on as well.

"I bet you love that." She said, turning around to look at him with a twinkle in her eyes.

"Oh I do. In fact we could probably start now." He said, giving her a smile as he gazed at her with hooded eyes, love and lust clear in his eyes.

She smiled and slowly turned around to face him. She sat on his lap, straddling him and stared at his gorgeous ocean blue eyes which had turned a little dark with desire. He cupped the sides of her face gently and stared at her intently.

"Y/n, sweetheart, I love you. No matter what obstacle we face, please don't give up on us, don't give up on me. I.. I don't know if I could live without you." His voice shook.

"Oh, Seb. I'm sorry for thinking all these negative thoughts." She said as she reached up and stroked his cheek gently with her thumb.

"It's okay, honey. I know it's been hard on you. I wish it was me that got all the insults. I wish it was me that got poured on by Pepsi. I wish I could save you from all the pain and humiliation."

"Iubirea mea, it's okay. I'm happy you punched that papparazzi and stood up for me. And.. well.. I do appreciate you saying how you would stop interacting with your fans again." She responded.

"And I'm serious with that, honey."

"And I appreciate it, really." She smiled.

"Good, maybe you could show me more appreciation then?" He asked, a twinkle in his eyes.

She just smiled and nodded as he leaned closer to her and their lips finally met.

They ended up doing make up sex in the bath tub, which felt completely different yet amazing for her. Being in a fight with him before and having thoughts of leaving him made her more desperate as they made love. They did it gently yet with a sense of urgency as they realized how precious it was to be able to be together again the way they used to after they faced the threat of not being able to be together again.

"I love you so much, sweetheart." He whispered after they reached their peak together.

"I love you so much too, Iubirea mea." She whispered back as she put her forehead on his and basked in the glorious aftermath of their love making.

They held on to each other tight, giving each other the love and power they needed to face the next obstacles that they surely were going to face.

---

News of Sebastian punching the papparazzi in the face and Y/n being poured Pepsi on the head by a jealous fan girl spread like wild fire. It was only a matter of time until Emma finally contacted them.

They were in the living room watching some TV while cuddling on the sofa that night when her cellphone rang. She picked it up from the coffee table in front of her and saw Emma's name on the screen.

"Who is it, honey?" Sebastian asked.

"It's Emma." She replied.

"Give it to me. I bet she wants to talk to me." He said, extending his hand to her.

She gave her cellphone to him and stood up.

"Hello." Sebastian answered the call while she went to the bedroom to check on Starlene.

Starlene was sleeping soundly in the crib, much to her relief so she went back to the living room and found Sebastian looking distraught as he listened to whatever Emma had to say.

"That's stupid. I was just standing up for my wife! Everyone heard what that a**hole was saying! You heard it didn't you? Isn't there a single video out there showing the dumba** calling her a sl*t?!" He asked, disbelief written clearly on his face.

Her heart dropped to her stomach as she listened to him. He seemed to be in trouble over punching the papparazzi.

She sat down next to him and put her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it in encouragement.

"What?! No, no.. I'm not going back there! I'm still on my honeymoon, Emma! We just want several days in peace! Can't we just hire someone to represent me there? I'm sure Kenneth have a colleague in Paris who can represent me." He pleaded.

His eyebrows furrowed in anger as he continued to listen to Emma. Y/n could only stare at him with dread in the pit of her stomach, hoping whatever happened was not as bad as she thought.

"Yes, please just do that. I can't leave her again.. I.. well that's just a nightmare for us. No, if you could please just have someone represent us there, that would be great. Thank you, Emma." He said, calm slowly written on his face. But the calmness lasted for only a second as he suddenly stood up and strong curses left his mouth, startling her.

He paced the room and brushed his hair in agitation as he continued to listen to Emma.

"Is that so? They are concerned about their f*****g image?! What about my well being? What about Y/n's well being? We just want to enjoy several days in peace, Emma. You have no idea the hell we've been through." He protested.

He froze on the spot as he listened to Emma and after a while he finally said.

"Fine.. what do they want? A clarification? A pap walk? I'm not doing interviews. Not until we get back." He said as he started to pace the room again.

"No, I don't even have a phone. And after what that stupid fan did to her, I'm contemplating on leaving Instagram. They don't deserve me after what they've done." He said with hatred.

He took a deep breath and sighed.

"Yeah.. okay, I'll reconsider. But for now I'm not.. well.. okay, that makes sense, yeah. Fine, I'll do that. But do we still have to do the f*****g pap walk?" He asked in distress.

"Okay, I'll ask her. Yeah. Later Emma." He said and he finally hung up.

He took a deep breath and looked at her who was staring at him from the sofa.

"What happened, Seb?" She asked gently.

He walked closer to her, put the cellphone on a coffee table and sat next to her.

"Two things, honey. Emma said the stupid papparazzi pressed charges on me for punching him. He asked for compensation and a public apology and there's a trial for the case in Paris that we should attend.. "

"What?! How dare he?!" She exclaimed in disbelief.

"I know! I can't believe he had the audacity to do that. But I asked Emma to ask Kenneth if he had a colleague who could represent us there. So we don't have to go to the stupid trial." He said, reaching out to squeeze her hand in his.

"Okay. I really hope he has someone. I don't want to go back for the trial." She said.

"Me neither, honey."

"So, what's the second thing?" She asked, bracing herself for the worse.

"Marvel contacted Emma saying they're concerned after seeing the footage of me punching that stupid papparazzi. And they're also concerned about the scandal surrounding our marriage and asked for some clarification from us." He sighed.

"Oh, that doesn't sound so bad, Iubirea mea." She responded.

"Yeah well, the thing is, because of all the bad talks surrounding me they're considering of letting me go and cast someone else as Bucky for the Thunderbolts."

"What?! That's just stupid and unacceptable!" She couldn't help but raise her voice in anger.

"Yeah.. I don't know. They've been weird ever since Disney changed their CEO and Stan Lee died." He shrugged.

"I bet Kevin has nothing to do with this. I have a hard time believing it if he does. He has been so nice to you." She said, referring to Kevin Feige, the head of Marvel Studios.

"Yeah.. I don't know. It's disappointing really. Anyway, because of this, they're pushing for me to do something to change the narrative and clarify everything to make a better public perception of me otherwise they really are going to let me go." He sighed.

"Oh Seb.. I'm really sorry to hear that." She said, reaching out to squeeze his hand.

"Thanks honey. Emma said the simplest thing for me to do is to make a statement on Instagram and then to do a pap walk with you, showing the world that we're okay." He said, looking at her with his eyebrows furrowed.

She sighed. A pap walk. Just when she wanted to stay out of the public eye she was forced to show herself into the world. How cruel the universe really was to her.

"I know that you prefer not to do that. But.. I.. I'm sorry to say this, honey, but I don't have a choice. So I would be very happy if you agree on doing a pap walk. It's for our own good too." He pleaded.

She didn't respond immediately and just stared at him, contemplating the options. To be honest she just wanted to go home and shut herself in her room and not come out for days, maybe months.

"Seb, the papparazzis already took a lot of pictures of us back in Paris and earlier today. I'm sure they clearly showed that we're okay. Can't they just use those to proof we're okay?" She asked.

"They're not enough, honey. And my team don't have control and rights over those pictures. We need new ones within their control." He explained dejectedly.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I really hate dragging you into this. I really really am." He said, his head hung.

"But you don't have a choice." She stated coldly.

"Yeah.. I'm sorry, sweetheart." He said in regret.

"Seb, can't we just do the pap walk once we get back? Honestly I'm exhausted. I just.. I just want to relax for several days." She pleaded.

"I know and I'm sorry honey. But you know Thunderbolts starts shooting early next month and we're all pressed for time. I hope you can understand that." He said, squeezing her hand back and giving her puppy dog eyes.

She took a deep breath and let it go. As much as she hated it, her marriage to him really came with a price. A price she wondered if she was willing to continue to pay. But as she gazed at his puppy dog eyes and felt his warm hand on hers, she was reminded of how much she loved him and how she couldn't just leave him in his time of need.

"Fine, let's do the pap walk." She finally said with a heavy heart.

His face brightened immediately and he reached over and gave her a tight hug.

"You really are the best wife in the world, honey. I really don't deserve you." He said as they broke apart.

He cupped the sides of her face with his hands and peppered kisses on her face, making her smile.

"I.. love.. you.. so.. much.. my.. honey.. bunny.. sweetie...pie.. beautiful.. queen." He said as he placed kiss after kiss on her face, making her heart swell with love.

"I love you too, Iubirea mea." She smiled and their lips finally met.

As they continued kissing she made a silent prayer in her heart that the pap walk would go well and wouldn't take too much of their time. And she also hoped the trial in Paris goes well for them and they didn't need to attend it.

She couldn't wait for the honeymoon to be over and to just come home.

Unfortunately her prayers were once again not granted.

The minute they went out of the hotel the next day to do the pap walk, they were bombarded again by the papparazzis. They had planned on just doing a short walk to the Spanish Steps and have their pictures taken there but there were so many papparazzis that they found it hard to walk around. And worse of all they kept shouting questions at them and some even hurled insults at them again. Sebastian tried to keep his cool but she knew it was really hard for him. His jaw clenched several times and he balled his fists as if ready to attack anyone who dared to insult them again. But of course he didn't dare to attack anyone again knowing his job was on the line and trying to avoid getting himself sued again.

The walk lasted barely an hour and they were just about to enter the hotel when someone sneaked closer to them and threw an egg on her head! She turned around and found a girl looking deranged shouting insults at her.

"You don't deserve him you sl*t! Just leave him and do us all a favor and stop with all these fakery!" She yelled.

Before she could respond the girl was forcefully whisked away by the hotel security, leaving her on the spot with eggs dripping on her head.

Flashes of light from the papparazzis' cameras continued to blind her as Sebastian immediately put his arms around her and guided her into the hotel. All the while she just felt numb inside.

But the minute they entered their suite she broke down and cried. Sebastian picked Starlene off from her arms and guided her to come to the bedroom. He put Starlene in her crib while she went to the bathroom.

She stopped in front of the sink and started to clean the eggs from her head with tears still streaming down her face.

"Here honey, let me help you." Sebastian said gently as he stood behind her and started to help clean her hair with some water from the sink.

Once her head was clean enough she slid down on the floor and just cried her heart out. Sebastian embraced her tight and let her cry on his shoulder.

"What did I do? Why all the hate?" She croaked in between her sobs.

"You didn't do anything, honey. It's not your fault. Those fan girls are just crazy. I'm really really sorry, sweetheart." He said as he rubbed her back gently, trying to soothe her.

"Let's just go home. I just want to go home." She pleaded, her voice shook.

He nodded and kissed her forehead gently, prompting her to continue to cry.

Her dignity was shattered that day. Her confidence broke into a million pieces and scattered into the wind. She didn't know if she could recover from this. She didn't know if she could continue to sacrifice herself for him. And that thought broke her even more apart.

---

She stared at Sebastian's smiling face the next day as they sat across the aisle from each other on the first class airplane back to New York.

He reached his hand out to hers and she extended her hand to his. He squeezed her hand tight and mouthed 'I love you', she smiled and mouthed back 'I love you'. But her heart continued to bleed inside as she contemplated to make one of the hardest decisions of her life. A decision that could break her and him and change everything.

---

A/N: For the record, I didn't write this chapter to intentionally offend anyone. What I wrote was just for story purposes and in no way conveyed what I think about us Seb fans in general. I know there are much more respectful and sane Seb fans out there rather than the crazy ones. And even the crazy ones aren't as crazy as those I wrote in this chapter. I hope you guys can understand that 🙏🙏🙏

Chapter 18 >

Taglist

@sebsgirl71479 @dhoruwolfie

[tinogiehd]

i wish dream team would make content like they promised. it's sort of disappointing to be lied to again

okay this has been sitting in my inbox since i woke up so let's talk about this.

i'm absolutely stealing this point from someone else but i think the reason that this "drought" is so hard-hitting is because we went into the meetup era with the expectation of content being throw at us left and right. the meetup and subsequent face reveal was meant to mark the end of the content slump- we had a deadline, but now we don't so it feels like we're going to continue off maybe a drodcast once a month and some drapchats forever. the reality is that the promise of milking the meetup fell through because of things outside of their control- namely, the internet in the dransion and dream's immune system- but, instead of sitting around and doing nothing, they've been making content with mr. beast and going out and living their lives like they should be able to after so much waiting. seeing dream at parties and football games and sapnap on foolish's stream can feel like Wow. so you can do that but not stream for an hour or do a thirty minute space? but the reality is that they have content planned- three christmas streams, the irl manhunt, the mr. beast collab, maybe more behind the scenes- that's just waiting to come out. it's like a package being delayed; it sucks, but it's still going to be delivered.

i do want to acknowledge the part about lying directly because i think that it does actually have some merit. i think some people feel a level of distrust because of things like dream saying he'd stream everyday and fanhunt and all the delays to lore and george's year-old video and all that. the amount of promises made is larger than the amount kept and i understand that being told that the meetup will be milked and then getting. not that much meetup content is disappointing. maybe just try and remember that these are situations out of their control, and that we have gotten a good amount of content in comparison to the last year. i'm sure that once everything is good with the internet and they've stopped traveling all the time they'll settle into a bit more of a routine with making content, and i think that it's pretty clear that things are looking up in terms of that already- like george talking about his system for editing and how he actually likes doing it when sapnap is there irl to help him and dream talking about plans that he's had to sit on for years.

they're allowed to take time off post-meetup. any of the stress we felt from the wait was even worse for them, and it will do everyone well to remember that. they're the ones who lived through it, and who now get the release of being able to exist together and if all they want to do is travel and relax for a bit, then they're allowed to do so. there isn't an expiration date on this meetup- we are going to get plenty of content.

[antiqueophelia95]

So I wrote a poem

In my class, we were doing blackout poetry out of MLK’s “I have a dream” speech, and I got this, my teacher said it was really good, so here you go internet, have fun with it.

“I join history today as in shadow we decree to millions, injustice. Daybreak is sadly crippled in exile, the dark, desolate valley. Change injustice to brotherhood. Make justice. We forever struggle. We must protect violence. We rise with soul. And the new must not distrust their destiny. so though deeply rooted these truths are, I dream that on the hills of brotherhood, the sweltering heat of oppression will not be.  I dream today.”

[particleperks]

I posted 102 times in 2022

That's 102 more posts than 2021!

43 posts created (42%)

59 posts reblogged (58%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@biggestofmans

@particleperks

@my-name-is-tubbo-hi

@wizardpotions

@sweetpeauserboxes

I tagged 49 of my posts in 2022

#dream smp roleplay - 42 posts

#ask blog - 42 posts

#dsmp rp blog - 41 posts

#c!ranboo roleplay blog - 41 posts

#ask - 13 posts

#c!ranboo - 2 posts

#(i'm really bored so yknow what?) - 1 post

#(it would it would be very silly) - 1 post

#(internet safety is important kids!) - 1 post

#(even for cookie run or other little mobile games) - 1 post

Longest Tag: 57 characters

#(gonna rb this with hwhbh ranboo and see if it's any fun)

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Hi Mr. Boo I was wondering how does it feel having a god fatherly figure in your life? Also do you have games on your phone 👀

Hello to you too~

It's actually not too different from having a not-god dad. Not god-dad as in like your parent's really close friend, but like a dad. Who is also a god. It's not very different from having a not-god dad, because they're still a dad, just one who's closer to me and who can summon cranberries from thin air whenever I want to eat some. Because boy oh boy, do i love them cranberries~

Yes I do have games on my phone.

I have cookie run and also tetris

You cannot play them.

they are mine

>:)

6 notes - Posted July 18, 2022

#4

Hello Mr. Boo, hope your having a lovely day. What’s your opinion on mushrooms?

HI! it's nighttime where I am but luckily for YOU my brain is being a JERK and will not let me sleep~

Mushrooms! I like me some mushrooms. Good in the garden, gooder still in a stew. Make for a good stir fry when you mix them with some onions. Like em on my pizzas even if my husband makes fun of me for that. He's one to talk since he likes to eat them raw. So does our son. He says he wants to be a mushroom some day. And Who am I to squander his fungal aspirations?

We have a family friend who's a mushroom elf if that is anything. his name's george. he's old and very nice. like 200 hundred years old. almost as old as my great grandma! kidding kidding. she's still forever young at heart <3

But yeah his name's george and I don't really ever talk to him unless I'm picking up our platonic boyfriend. he goes over to hang out at his place a lot to help in the garden. it makes him happy. he says it helps with his seasonal depression that makes me happy, too. him being happy not the seasonal depression. that makes me sad because I hate seeing him be sad

DID YOU KNOW THAT MOLD IS A TYPE OF FUNGAS??? DID YOU KNOW THAT MOLD IS WHAT MAKES CHEESE AND THAT IT'S MOLD WHEN YOU EAT IT?? THAT'S RIGHT!! CHEESE! IS MOLD! NOT JUST BLUE CHEESE OR MOLDY CHEESE OR WHATEVER, OH NONNOOJO NO!! IT'S ALL MOLD BABY YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA oh look at that, my brain's shutting off, weel shit, gnit

7 notes - Posted July 20, 2022

#3

My husband just walked into my study and sat on my lap before asking me to tell him things that would “inspire distrust in our marriage and fill him with diresome dread.”

What did you all do to him? He said Tumblr told him to do this. What did you all do? What the fuck did you say to my baby?

7 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

#2

no-eyed girl? but why not a no-eyed boy? perhaps I need a no-eyed boy to pop into our existance in order to feel convinced enough to bring both of out realities to an end through the power of a little smooch on the cheek. ya ever think of that?

10 notes - Posted May 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Wonder what would happen if I put grape jelly on one slice of bread, put strawberry jelly on another slice of bread and made them into a sandwich.

11 notes - Posted September 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[hell0mega]

I'll have to look into this cuz I'd love for it to be true but pleeeease read all the fine print you can before you buy. they really did screw a LOT of people over with the release of 2.0 to the point of distrusting them forever. even if it is a perpetual license, they may still require an internet access for license verification every week or 3 days or month, I've seen them only allow 1 or 2 device transfers (so if your computer bricks or you upgrade, you get a limited amount of times to reactivate your license), or have you pay for future updates. hopefully a lot of this has been mitigated but still worth reading the user agreement before giving them money.

a free (and open source) alternative is Krita, which is very much like csp, or consider the good ol classic PaintTool SAI, which last i checked is 50 bucks, works amazing, and is basically made by One Guy

I'll be using my csp 1.0 until it breaks or until celsys truly fixes up their game. and if they have, I'm glad, cuz it IS a great product and i was sad when i had to stop recommending it to people

PSPSPSPSPSPSPS CLIP STUDIO IS ON SALE RELEASE YOUR ADOBE SHACKLES AND JOIN THE FREE MASSES OF THE RESISTANCE

[c-40]

A-T-3 245 The Residents: Slicing Up Eyeballs

It was early August bank holiday weekend in the UK which means no work on Monday for many people (if you work freelance it means nothing.) I met up with a friend to see some another friend play records in a little café. After 11pm the place packed out and people started dancing on tables and chairs. The Djs know their stuff and are playful with their selections, so it made me chuckle hearing a big whoop from the dancers when the first few bars of Kaw-liga began to play. The reason for the whoop from the crowd was The Residents cover of Hank Williams' Kaw-Liga is a subversion of Michael Jackson's Billy Jean and Buddy played the 1986 Prairie Mix which delays all indication its not plainly a version of Billy Jean for a little bit longer. The Residents' Kaw-liga originates from their American Composers Series and Stars And Hank Forever, it was picked up by clubs as early as 1986

Resident Trump

So what were the Residents doing in 1983? They release Mole Show (also known as The Residents' Moleshow - Live At The Roxy - October 30, 1982.)

"The Mole Show—a stage production based on the Residents’ ambitious Mole Trilogy project, a kind of science fiction epic about labor, race and rock music inspired by The Grapes of Wrath—was the first show the group took on the road. Dramatizing the conflict between the ugly and industrious Moles and the cute, suburban Chubs, it was emceed by Penn Jillette, whose role was to make the audience want to kill him. He would begin by insulting the band (“Rather flashy, in a low-tech sort of way”) and come unglued as the show went on, culminating in a total meltdown between “The New Machine” and “Song of the Wild”; long after his mike had been cut, he’d be dragged offstage screaming “THIS IS A FUCKING RIPOFF! THE RESIDENTS ARE TAKING YOU FOR A GODDAMN RIDE!” Jillette would reappear onstage for Satisfaction, but Groucho-glassed, gagged and handcuffed to a wheelchair—a castrated clown in the seat of a cynic.” - Dangerous Minds

The Residents fuel fanatic fans through their anonymity, myth, and lore, they are obscure, cryptic, and subversive - giant eyeballs, residing outsiders, seeing everything and holding a mirror up to it. The residents embraced new media technology (if Hardy Fox was still alive he'd be all over AI,) from the early days of the internet people have been writing online about The Residents. Along with the writings of Robert Anton Wilson, The Church Of SubGenius, The Residents gave us a dress rehearsal of some of the darker corners of the internet (this is where people point at Reddit, the Chans, but of course there are a lot more spaces now, like X and Telegram) where what was once satire, critique, subversion, and performance, is itself being subverted to promote hate and exhibit power. Politically RAW, The Church Of SubGenius, The Residents are ambiguous (is that just American Liberalism?) I got into all three in the late 1980s when politically they were lumped with punk bands bands like the Dead Kennedy's and Black Flag, writers like Charles Bukowski, American underground comics, and conspiracy writing, what they all these things had in common was their distrust of the USA, and the straightjacket of Reaganism, consumerism, and religion

Controlled Misinformation. In 2014 The Atlantic published the above article about Vladislav Surkov, he is the architect of Russian sovereign democracy which I believe was adopted to achieve Brexit and Trump's victory in 2016 and the current strategies for the tory party in the UK and reabulivan party in the USA. As we've seen with Pizzagate/QAnon/#SaveTheChildren and now the Trump2024 show, the creation of these ideologies borrow heavily from performance art like that created by The Residents and CotS. Penn Jillette's role as narrator for Mole Show the aim is to create a dizzying effect, Putin did this just last week, Schrödinger's Putin is and isn't involved in the death of Yevgeny Prigozhin. It might be believed he is but news media can't confirm that, they can broadcast Putin's made for tv eulogy, anything else is speculation and also Putin leans into that. Trump is trying to use his arrest to achieve something similar

The ambitious Mole Show trilogy (a trilogy of pairs in six parts) was never completed and (like a lot of theatre) the live show left them broke, the sets had been seized by a UK shipping company because they couldn't pay their bills, to make US backers happier they scraped together what they could to perform Uncle Sam's Mole Show in Washington DC. They released an outtakes compilation album called Residue of the Residents, and The Residents label Ralph Records put out their 1977 promotional Radio Special were probably due to the financial failure of Mole Show

In this British interview about Mole Show from 1983 Penn Jillette talked about the making of a radio special, this is the 10 Year Anniversary Radio Special that came out in 1982, the story is very entertaining

[wernher-von-brawny]

I marvel that I got to exist on this planet at the same time as Carl Sagan.

I think I felt this way as far back as 1980, when Cosmos was airing on PBS, and I couldn’t get why the nation was not drowning in Cosmos-mania, the way it had with Star Wars a few years earlier.

I mean, Star Wars was fun, with the “pew! pew! pew!” and the incest and all, but Cosmos was even more mind-blowing, and it was, like -- Real! Like, science and shit!!!

“May the Force be with you”? Banal.

“We are made of star stuff”? Third eye blasted wide motherfucking open!!!

As cringe as the posthumous lionizing of The Greatest Generation or Boomers can get, I have to concede that there was something damn special about a couple scoops worth of the folks who emerged from the post-war and counter-culture eras, when intelligence, inquiry, and reason had not yet been made forever unfashionable by the fuckbois of Madison Avenue.

Before genuine -- not performative -- principled, moral behavior and a healthy distrust of the military-industrial complex was recast as “naiveté” by the fucking Reagan Revolution.

I look around today, and I see high-quality public persons, no doubt. But we’ve all been raised in and conditioned by a different, more cynical and distracted culture.

A culture lacking, for example, the first-person experience of how opening the door even a crack to pro-business, neoliberal, “unleash the market” jingoism would lead directly and inevitably to the Facism2023™ that will sooner or later make its way into the Oval Office.

(Although “The Greatest Generation” did vote Reagan into office, so even the folks who actually lived through it once before, voted it in with a pride that was only outweighed by their willful ignorance.)

And that hard-won world, that unique recipe, gave us humans like Fred Rogers and James Baldwin and Kurt Vonnegut and Ursula K Le Guin and Bob Ross and a bunch more.

A culture that could produce artists and activists and thinkers like that seems, to those of us raised by TV and the internet to believe that the highest virtue a citizen consumer can aspire after is celebrity, almost cartoonishly improbable.

But it was (apparently) real, and it gave us the amazing, beautiful Carl Sagan: a scientist with the soul of a poet.

And when I see old clips like this, when I see how resolutely and comfortably my boy is just plain himself when appearing on the media of his day, how stoked he is to be sharing with us what he’s learned through rigor and study; and how his words are wise and full of the kindness, wonder, reverence, and spiritual awe that the MAGAchurch bros can only karaoke...

It makes me marvel that this was a person who actually existed, and that I got to share the planet with him for a while.

Wow.

[raincitygirl76]

Marcus is only 18, and he had very strong feelings for a boy who did not return those feelings. To Simon, Marcus was a distraction from his grief over the boy Simon was still in love with having betrayed him. To Marcus, he and Simon had a beautiful relationship. Marcus was seeing what he wanted, not reality. But unrequited love is a BITCH, especially when you’re only 18.

That said, in 2.03, Marcus weaponizing Simon’s childhood trauma to talk Simon out of his decision to break up with Marcus was a BAD thing to do. I make no excuses for that. Marcus’s mom (Lotte) and Linda Eriksson are friends. Friends tell each other their horrible divorce shit, and how their addicted, possibly abusive ex-husband fucked up their kids.

But they say that stuff in confidence! I don’t know if Marcus eavesdropped on his mom and Linda, or if Lotte betrayed her friend’s confidence by gossiping to her son. But Marcus had no right to that information and shouldn’t have used it against Simon when Simon was breaking up with him in 2.03. Period. No exceptions.

That said, Marcus is only 18 and still figuring shit out himself. He did controlling and manipulative things in his relationship with Simon. That does not necessarily mean he’s irredeemable forever. He and Simon would never have worked out, partly because there was this huge mismatch in their level of interest in each other, partly because Marcus didn’t listen to Simon.

He substituted what he WANTED to hear from Simon for Simon’s actual words, and used his confidential information about Simon’s past trauma to convince Simon his words and opinions about wanting to break up with Marcus were wrong. Not cool, Marcus. But a few years down the road, once he’s grown up a lot more, Marcus might be a perfectly good boyfriend to someone else.

He might yet realize he can’t manipulate someone he cares about into returning his feelings, and he has to listen to and act on what his partner is actually SAYING. Instead of ignoring that and substituting his preferred narrative. In which case Marcus could mature into much healthier relationship patterns. Or he might lean into his existing manipulative and controlling tendencies, and become a full-grown bad person.

At this point, it’s very hard to say. I’m not willing to write him off as as totally irredeemable at only 18. If he’s still doing this to his boyfriends at 23 or 28, then yeah, definitely. But he might figure his shit out still. It’s just he’ll do it off-camera, since his arc in the show is over. So it’s an eternal question mark.

Also, just because I think Marcus could mature does not mean I’m okay with what he did to Simon in 2.03. That was unforgivable. Also unforgivable was some of what he said in 2.06. In 2.04, Simon behaved very shittily. He used Marcus to try and make Wille jealous, then ghosted him. Marcus was entitled to feel hurt, angry, used, and humiliated, when Simon rolled out of Wilhelm’s bed in 2.06 to make it clear things with Marcus were officially over. And Marcus was entitled to express those feelings to Simon.

However, Marcus was NOT entitled to tell a 16 year old that he KNEW had been a victim of child pornography a few months ago that he liked playing the victim. Especially since the tape was still circulating on the internet, with Simon being revictimized every time some stranger watched it. Marcus made Simon’s life worse, and Simon has every right to hate and distrust Marcus for the rest of his life. In fact, I’d encourage him to avoid the guy at all costs.

My belief that Marcus might well mature with time and be better in future relationships is because not everyone’s personality and beliefs about how to conduct romantic relationships is set at 18. I was pretty emotionally immature at 18, and I wasn’t the only one. My belief Marcus might be able to change in the future doesn’t mean I’m okay with what he’s already done to Simon. I’m not. I’m just saying people have the capacity to grow and change, especially when they’re still just teenagers.

okay maybe this is a hot take but I'm so tired of y'all acting like marcus is the evil irredeemable person who was only out to get simon and deserves only bad things because he'll never change or something, etc. etc.

like a) he's still a teen and b) he's a character with NUANCE that people are ignoring just bc he got in the way of wilmon, and I'm so sick of the shallow fucking interpretations of him that we keep getting despite the fact that everyone had no problem with seeing august as a well rounded character. and god knows I complain and hate on him as much as the next person because he did do really shitty things, but I also know he's not a one dimensional character who only wanted to manipulate simon through the entire season, and I feel like the fandom has a hard time seeing that because we were already biased against him from the start

[shanie-the-toyaddict]

I don't want to hijack anyone's post so I'm putting my two cents about media piracy/preservation here.

As someone who literally grew up in the era of "Keep Circulating Those Tapes", I have this thing about keeping things. About "owning" them.

If I like something, be it a fanfic or a tv show or even a yt video, I save it. I literally pay money for a yearly subscription to one of the best stream ripping programs out there because I'm obsessive about this. Before that, it was ripping websites. Before that? P2P. Before that it was literally copying and pasting text into a MS Works document and printing it out.

I have fanfictions still printed out from 20 years ago. Catherine Semerjain, one of the biggest authors of Shane McMahon fanfiction in the 90s... I have her stories printed out and saved in little books. Encyclopedia Xenaica, a proto-version of a fan wiki, I have printed out and saved in it's ENTIRETY from before it was taken down.

Yes, I printed a WIKI. This was 2000, the internet was small back then.

This behavior has never stopped.

It has, however, transformed.

So damn many data discs. SO MANY. I have volumes upon volumes of data discs of media that I saved because you literally never know when or where shit will vanish. Somewhere, I have a full series burn (absolute potato) of "You Can't Do That On Television" because that series evaporated for decades until someone uploaded the converted tapes, only for it to vanish again.

But it is preserved. I have it. On disc. On file. On backup.

My backups have backups.

I have FIVE external hard drives, the smallest of which is 3 TB. That's also the oldest and everything on there is backed up at least one other place.

The point I'm making is that I am obsessive about hard copies of things and I have even more digitally.

And it's all because I remember the 90s.

I remember before the internet, before there was streaming, before TV on DVD. Back when if you liked a show you damn sure better have your VHS running when it was on because you might not get a second chance. (I'm looking at you 90s Shanie who accidentally taped over the original broadcast of Xena's banned episode). I have been hardwired to distrust the internet as an archive because I've gotten hurt so many times.

Listen to me closely.

Streaming has never been a savior.

If it's on the internet it is, by definition, temporary. They say "the internet is forever" but that's a lie. Very few things on the internet are truly forever. Everything ends, everything fades, and if you don't preserve these streaming shows while they're around you're gonna find yourself empty handed the moment that the winds change and the mood shifts. Seriously, there's tutorials out there on how to do piracy right. Read them. Learn them. Love them.

Then start doing it.

Because it's been made very clear that corporations don't give a shit about preserving media. It's up to us.

It's always been up to us.