#I was planning a trip to Australia before the pandemic

[enigmaticxbee]

Earl Grey?

Earl Grey: Which countries have you visited?

I’ve been lucky enough to do a lot of traveling! I was born in Japan and grew up in the US. I studied abroad in Spain in high school and in Italy in college and grad school. I’ve visited South Africa, Peru, Costa Rica, Mexico, Jamaica, St Kitts and Nevis, India, Israel, Austria, Czech Republic, France, Belgium, Ireland, England, Norway, Sweden, Greece and Iceland.

Thanks 💕

[jgroffdaily]

Your intrepid team of JGD-ers are currently in the Big Apple, the home of Broadway, New York City! And, as if that wasn’t exciting enough, tonight we got to watch our very own reason for (online) existence, Mr Jonathan Drew Groff, strutting his (*frank*ly awesome) stuff in Merrily We Roll Along, at the Hudson Theatre on 44th Street, NYC!

For those who are unaware, Jonathan Groff Daily is made up of a team of two who live on literally opposite sides of the world - one in Australia and one in the UK. And while that allows for excellent coverage of breaking news (there is always at least one of us awake!), it has somewhat hindered our attempts to meet in real life - not helped by the pandemic that was raging at the time that we first “met”, three years ago.

Until now! In fact, until Wednesday of this week, when we both checked into the same hotel (all meticulously planned; not serendipity), into rooms directly above/below one another (that bit was serendipity), and began our NYC adventure together!

After a great deal of chatting, and far too much walking (and one inadvertent trip to Long Island City - nobody should ever leave me in charge of navigation!), tonight was the night for us to see the show together (in fact, my partner in crime had already seen it, last week, but this was our first time as a team).

First I should mention the theatre (this particular one is spelt that way, despite being in America - I’m not 100% sure why). It is so beautiful and elegant, and provides a wonderful setting in which the show can unfold.

And oh my goodness, what a show it is! As you will have all seen from the various glowing reviews online (with more surely to come next week, once the press embargo is lifted) this is an absolute tour de force and it was a such a privilege and a pleasure to watch this fabulous cast being utterly and completely fabulous.

First, of course, our boy. Well, we knew he could act. We knew he could sing. We knew he was prone to spit a little while doing both of those things. And all of that was also 100% true tonight!

I won’t include any spoilers in this review/ramble, as I hope that many of you will also get the chance to see it in person.

As you may have noticed, we try to keep this account relatively sober and professional (well, as sober and professional as a fan account on Tumblr can truly be, I guess!). However, as the more emotional one in our pairing, and in deference to this very special occasion, I don’t mind admitting that when Jonathan first came on stage I was all a-flutter. I haven’t seen him live and in person before, and I think I spent the first 8-10 minutes with the knuckles of my left hand in my mouth.

As you will all have seen in the press photos, etc, he spends almost the entire show wearing black trousers and a white button down shirt, and it’s a great look on him (but then, what isn’t?!). Without getting too excited here in “public”, on this jointly-run account, I will just say that his legs go on for miles and miles, and his giant hands stand out beautifully against the monochrome outfit.

And, again without spoilers, as he walked down to the very front of the stage and stared out, unseeing, over the heads of the audience, the drama behind him crescendoed and tears glittered in his eyes. At less than ten minutes in, I knew then that we were in the safest of safe (giant) hands, and yet, at the same time, our emotions were going to be played like fiddles.

(Speaking of which, the orchestra, tucked away in an “upstairs room”on the set, were absolutely sublime.)

The show rocks along really well, with honestly no weak performances at all. The ensemble are incredible and one thing that we really admired about this version was the way in which they all seemed to have been given permission to allow elements of their personalities to shine through. Although most of the supporting actors play multiple characters, and those are by no means interchangeable, I still felt that, to a good extent, I was also watching individuals who I knew and cared about from the start.

I must confess that I found that I couldn’t take my eyes off Lindsay whenever she was on stage (which did feel a little like a betrayal, when I was literally wearing a “Jgroffdaily” pin badge 🙄!) - she is just mesmerising: funny, sad, expressive, sympathetic and just a tiny bit broken by life and love. For those who have seen the full London version of the show on YouTube, I felt that this Mary was far less brittle, even from the first scenes, when she could otherwise come across as hard to love. The warmth, humour and humanity of the character came out in spades in Lindsay’s performance, and I was truly floored by her - to the extent that, during the whole of the one song that she sings with Jonathan and Katie Rose, I got to the end and realised that I had been watching solely her throughout, despite the fact that my reason for leaving my family behind (for five days, not forever!) and flying 3,000 miles to NYC, was 12 feet to the right of her on stage. (We are going again on Saturday - I need to make sure that I keep my eyes on Jonathan next time!).

Daniel is also just so good. His American accent is (to my British ears) impeccable, and he has great comic timing and physical comedy. His voice is fantastic, too, and he does an outstanding job with Franklin Shepherd Inc. All in all, I was incredibly impressed by Dan and thought that he more than held his own in the show.

My only slight criticism of the show (which is no reflection whatsoever on the actors) is that I would have liked a little longer to sit with one particularly tragic moment in Act One. Despite being a person who is shaky, giggly and butterflies-in-the-stomach-y at the simple sight of her hero stepping onto a stage, it takes me a few minutes to build up to proper crying, and I felt that I was jolted out of that feeling a little too quickly by the friends’ singing in an attempt to cheer up their heartbroken friend.

Katie Rose and Krystal Joy both had really difficult jobs to do, particularly Katie who is dropped into the show immediately before having to act in a very challenging, emotional scene. Both were stunning and their voices just soared, although Katie’s also cracked with emotion when it needed to, which was incredibly effective and moving.

The little boy who played Frank Junior at tonight’s performance was excellent, and got a lot of love from the audience. As the parent of a seven year old myself, I can only imagine how difficult it must be for him and his family to be juggling these late nights and, to be honest, quite a bit of sitting around during the show itself - and all at the age of only just five. They are all doing a great job.

And now for Jonathan. My (our) lovely Jonathan. Well, he absolutely smashed this whole performance right out of the park and over the East River. His voice was impeccable. His acting, as always, was moving, deft and brilliant - and that in a show where, although he is undoubtedly the “lead” character (whatever the order of the names above the title may suggest…), he spends a lot of time staring off stage or standing, stunned, as various other characters shout at him / flirt with him / cry hysterically over him. He does that so well (and if that doesn’t sound like damning with faint praise, I don’t know what does - in my defence it is now past 1am and my body clock thinks it is 6am!).

Potentially controversial point here: I felt that, during a-song-that-will-remain-nameless-for-spoiler-related-reasons (in Act One), Jonathan was not playing the piano himself (ie it was being played by the orchestra, and other instruments then come in behind it), but during Good Thing Going and Who Wants to Live in New York in Act Two, it *was* him playing. It is, however, incredibly hard to tell due to the placement of the piano on the stage, and I would be very interested to hear what others think on this topic.

Overall the show was just stunning. The audience seemed very engaged throughout, and it seems that they were also paying attention, judging by the gasps and laughs at later call-backs to earlier scenes. As he was signing autographs after the show, Dan said that it had been a great audience tonight (he might say that every night, of course!).

I am so glad that I will get to see it again at Saturday’s matinee, as I am sure that there were so many details and nuances (and entire performances of beautiful songs - sorry, Jonathan!) that I missed this time around.

Just a note on the stage door situation. It was all very organised and calm; much more so than I had expected. Dan came along the line to his waiting car, autographing playbills and taking selfies with people as he went, and he seemed just adorable and so pleasant and friendly with everyone. From what I could see, everyone was very respectful and polite, and everyone who wanted something signed seemed to get it. At one point someone shouted out that Merrily is their favourite ever show, and Daniel took time to pick her out of the crowd and thank her personally, saying that they all find it a privilege to be in the show.

Jonathan and Lindsay did not stage door tonight, but apparently “sneaked out the front” (as, of course, they are fully entitled to do). As I don’t think he is likely to come to see the fans at the stage door following a matinee performance, I suspect that I won’t now get a chance to show Jonathan my “jgroffdaily” pin badge - which he may think is for the best!

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, Steven Sater was in the audience tonight, sitting behind and to the right of us. I’m sure that he was bursting with pride, to see Jonathan shine as bright as he does.

[thetoxicgamer]

C9 Fudge on Rekindling His Passion for League in 2023: ‘The Idea of Being a Middle-Tier Player Destroys My Ego’

Cloud9 are in a good spot to defend their LCS title. Five weeks into the 2023 LCS Spring Split, C9 are 8-3, good for second place, and only two games behind FlyQuest. A good portion of C9’s success is due to the continued excellence of AD carry Kim “Berserker” Min-cheol and support Jesper “Zven” Svenningsen, who have taken the lane-focused, bot-centric state of the current meta as an opportunity to lead the team to victory, much like they did in the LCS Championship last summer. Another major part of C9’s success, however, has been the stellar top lane play of Ibrahim “Fudge” Allami. After a disappointing Worlds 2022 performance that saw Fudge get skill-checked by Fnatic top laner Martin “Wunder” Hansen, at-the-time EDward Gaming top laner Li “Flandre” Xuan-Jun, and T1 top laner Choi “Zeus” Woo-je, Fudge has returned to the LCS in dominant form—and he attributes it to a renewed focus on competition that evaded him for much of last year. After a brief stint in the mid lane in the first half of 2022, Fudge returned to his main role for the summer. But the shift back to the top lane coincided with a shift in priorities for the Aussie. “I started to be more social and stopped playing the game as much as I did before, and I stopped focusing on the game as much as I did before,” Fudge told Dot Esports in week two of the 2023 LCS Spring Split. “I think that definitely showed in my performance at Worlds, I didn’t feel like my laning was nearly as good as it was previously internationally. I think that even at Worlds 2021, I was laning a lot better than I was at Worlds 2022. And I don’t think that’s necessarily because of the competition, I think it’s mostly because of my lack of focus.” Despite Fudge’s lack of focus, C9 still hoisted the trophy at the end of the 2022 LCS Championship. But after his rough performance at Worlds 2022, he experienced a “reality check” that was catalyzed by an offseason trip home. “I had to go back to Australia no matter what for my visa interview,” Fudge said. “But I was planning on going back anyway because I hadn’t gone in three years. I hadn’t seen my family since the pandemic because I didn’t want to go back and risk not getting out of Australia because of the really heavy COVID restrictions.” Upon returning home, Fudge stayed away from League of Legends completely for the first time in years and prioritized spending time with family and friends, which served as a much-needed mental reset. “I have relationships back in Australia that I still really enjoy with people that still care about me,” the C9 top laner said. “Even though I hadn’t seen them in many years, they still really care about me.” The life of a professional League player is one that, even outside of competitive matches, revolves entirely around the game: scrims, self-practice, and thinking about the game in every waking moment are a requirement for those competing at the highest level. A full month away from that mindset during the offseason gave Fudge the clarity to reassess his priorities. “I realized that if I continue to not care about the game, I’m just going to be a middle-tier player. And I don’t want to be that. The idea of being a middle-tier player destroys my ego,” Fudge said. After a month off, Fudge began playing League again in December 2022 with a refined focus and a more rigorous work ethic, which has only ramped up since the season started and he returned to L.A. to be with his teammates on C9. “We have 12-hour days every single scrim day, which is four of the days of the week,” Fudge said with a chuckle. “I’m definitely enjoying the grind.” And the grind is paying off. Fudge has the most kills of any top laner in the 2023 LCS Spring Split at 41, as well as the least deaths at 19, according to League stats site Oracle’s Elixir. At 74 assists, FlyQuest top laner Jeong “Impact” Eon-Young has more assists than Fudge’s 72, and even then, Fudge’s 5.9 KDA is a whole point ahead of Impact’s KDA. Fudge often plays a conservative laning phase but takes over when C9 begin to group up, as indicated by his top lane-leading 68.1 percent kill participation. His 575 damage per minute is second only to the 577 DPM of Team Liquid top laner Park “Summit” Woo-tae. In a ranking during week five of the 2023 LCS Spring Split that featured Joshua “Jatt” Leesman, Barento “Raz” Mohammed, Emily Rand, and Mark “MarkZ” Zimmerman, all four of the broadcast analysts had Fudge as their best top laner in the league. https://twitter.com/TheeMarkZ/status/1630070152791482368 Fudge didn’t waste any time reminding the LCS of his elite ability. He earned Player of the Week honors in the first week of the Spring Split with two wins on K’Sante and has continued to be the best top laner in North America. “I think that it’s very clear that it’s back to like it was in the summer of 2021 where I was clearly better than most of the top laners,” Fudge said. “In 2022, I didn’t really feel that way.” Now that he’s fully tapped back into how much focus he needs to put into League, the veteran C9 top laner is making sure he’s maintaining a healthy balance of the various aspects of his life. “I’m not saying I will completely ‘no-life’ the game because, for my mental health, I don’t think I can do that,” Fudge admitted. “But I do feel I’m at a much better balance now in my career, and I definitely intend to keep it that way for the rest of the year—and the rest of my career, ideally.” C9’s next matches in the 2023 LCS Spring Split are against 100 Thieves on Thursday, March 2, and Dignitas on Friday, March 3. Both teams are below C9 in the standings, and a 2-0 week would certainly help the defending LCS champions in their bid to wrestle the top spot from the iron grip of FlyQuest. Read the full article

[thealieninhiding]

What A Year! 2022 in review - Part 2

A year of fun

Audiobooks

Storygraph profile for full list.

But really this year is about 2 novels.

The Mercies by Kieran Millwood Hargrave. Oh dear god. I fell in love, with them, their friendship, the longing, the feeling of otherness. But I had to hc an epilogue to the ending because I could not, would not let it end there! I need more wlw stories, I didn’t know it before but I need more. A reoccurring theme this year see Part 1 post about ALOTO with which the book has something parallels in theme and in the hold it has on me, ALOTO has a much tighter grip but it’s almost like The Mercies gave me an entrée and ALOTO was the main course.

Sistersong by Lucy Holland narrated by Robyn Holdaway. I don’t know what I expected but this was certainly not it, highly recommend not looking up the folk ballad it is based on or reading anything other than the blurb. I specifically highlighted the narrator because this book was truly elevated by narration. She gave each of the 3 siblings (protagonists) distinct voices that I could recognise immediately upon chapter change and thus narrator change, I could tell which of the character was speaking just from her saying the word chapter. There are a few songs that Robyn sings in the book include incredibly emotional and pivotal songs. The singing during that scene was the very definition of transformative.

Lego

Lego once again doing the heavy lifting to keep me sane helping me in my depressive slumps. Set building helps ground me and get though bad times but the creative outlet when I am feeling it is so satisfying.

I built a really cool moc (my own creation) Disney Princess castle. In its 3rd iteration it has taken a while to build and it still needs an interior and I have a planned extension using a new set.

My Halloween layout gets a another October’s worth of work. Most of the work was on trees and plants adding the much needed foliage. I finally get a UV torch (flashlight) showing off the cool trans-neon and glow in the dark parts which I spend the last few days adding.

For the Winter Village layout I’m building a mountain for the North Pole sets to separate them and add height. It joins a frozen lake and smaller mountain section with ski lift I built last time.

Instagram for pictures

Trips

My younger sister (who lives in Perth, Western Australia with her boyfriend) came to home to Queensland in mid Nov 2021 for Christmas. They got stuck here with Covid lockdowns and extended their stay by a month. The spent that extra time with her partner’s family. We go on a short trip in early Feb a few hours south to where they live before my sister and her partner go back home to Perth. Always good to catch up, and pro tip if you ever want to fill in time but don’t know what to do just drive up the nearest mountain 😆 it was a highlight of the trip.

I see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child in March fucking finally! Rescheduled multiple times due to the pandemic, we finally make it to Melbourne to see Cursed Child. I loved it, I don’t care what anyone says I loved it. Evidently Daniel Radcliffe once stayed at the hotel we were at, I notice his name on list of famous guest just next the elevator when we come back from Part 1, mind you this was like the fifth time I saw this list looking at the names in passing each time. The Melbourne museum was wonderful with many exhibits but was also confronting with a large section on Invasion and the local Aboriginal mob. Highly recommend going we actually have an insane flight home, we left at 7pm from Brisbane (our layover) a 1.5 hour flight home but a really big and powerful electrical storm quickly covered most of Tropical North QLD. We spent time trying to land at airports an 1 hour north of home and anywhere in between there and Brisbane. We had to turn around and fly back to Brissie and landed near midnight. There was only a skeleton crew at the airport, we were put up in a hotel and arranged rebooking a flight for the morning. We didn’t get to the hotel until after 1.

In mid August we go to Brisbane to see R+H Cinderella, I loved it - Ainsley Melham 🥰 (Saw him as Aladdin) as Topher and Shubshri Kandish (who played Jasmine later on in the production) as Ella were both amazing and the step-sisters were so funny, I wish they had made an Aus cast recording because I really love Ainsley. I so glad we went even though I ended up missing out on Mary Poppins a few months later because we went in August. We get to go to a Disney Animation exhibit at the QLD museum 😁 sooo good, they have cells, sketches, concepts art there was so many amazing artworks. The QLD museum has changed a lot since I last went so we also saw the rest of the exhibits.

We see Thomas Dambo’s Giants of Mandurah they were awesome but boy was it a lot of walking. The aquarium was nice, I love rays, but I prefer the Sydney aquarium. Brickman’s Jurassic World Exhibition was so cool, the life sized dinos built out of Lego was amazing, and the smaller Minifig scale stuff was inspiring. The Museum had reopened after a big renovation (it was closed when we first went to Perth years ago), the displays were really well done. The last thing for the trip was going to a petting zoo with bunny (they are banned in Queensland due to being a pest), would not recommend the place it was terrible conditions for the animals. All in all a great family holiday.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

The Chokepoint Capitalism tour: Ottawa, Toronto, New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles (and beyond!)

I’m writing this from a hotel room in Ottawa, the day before the first event in the tour Chokepoint Capitalism, the book Rebecca Giblin and I are about to publish with Beacon Press; this tour is a little different from the usual so I thought I’d do a post explaining how it’ll all work.

This is my first tour since the pandemic hit; I had four (!) book releases during the first year of the lockdown and did a slew of online events. In some ways, these were amazing: I could do a UK event in the morning and a US event in the evening. But I don’t think anyone — not the booksellers, nor the readers, nor the special guests who helped me out — would say they were as good as an in-person event.

A lot has changed since 2019, and not all of it is pandemic related! For one thing, Chokepoint Capitalism is a book about the problems with monopolies in the arts world, and of course we published it with an independent press. Beacon is a part of the Unitarian Universalist Association, a venerable (168 year old) (!) progressive publisher that Howard Zinn and Albert Einstein (!!) praised as essential:

http://www.beacon.org/Assets/ClientPages/History.aspx

Independent presses are amazing but they don’t have the deep pockets for publicity tours that the Big Five can tap into, so this “tour” is really a series of events added onto my own working travel — largely trips I’m taking on behalf of EFF or in support of my activist work. That means the cities involved are a bit of a grab-bag, there are some long delays between dates, and the publicity for these events is a bit fragmented.

But the events themselves promise to be great. We’ve lined up fantastic booksellers and interlocutors, and Rebecca is coming over from Australia for part of it — it’s pretty hard to catch both of us on the same continent — let alone on the same stage! — so this is shaping up to be a fantastic couple of months.

The point of Chokepoint Capitalism is to break the deadlock that traps creative workers into thinking that they have to choose between rooting for entertainment companies or tech companies in hopes that their champion will reward their loyalty. Instead of praying for the largesse of rapacious monopolists, we set out a slew of detailed, shovel-ready proposals that will immediately and profoundly benefit creators, primarily by getting them paid.

https://doctorow.medium.com/structural-adjustment-fded18104bbe

We want these events to be a forum where creators and audiences can discuss how they can help put these plans into action, producing real, tangible outcomes that shift money away from giant companies and into the pockets of the creative workers whose works drive their profits. Please help us get the word out to the creators in your life about these tour stops!

The first of these events is tomorrow, in Ottawa, Canada. Amber Mac and I will be onstage for a keynote at “Canadians Connected,” CIRA’s annual conference:

https://member.cira.ca/Events/CanadiansConnected/About.aspx?websitekey=eeca1256-0fe3-4a11-9184-3c5d92990b1c

Next is Toronto, this Friday, Sept 16, at 7PM at Type Books in the Junction, one of my favourite neighbourhoods in my hometown, and the place where my grandfather and his 9 siblings were raised. Note that I idiotically previously gave the wrong date for this.

https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/chokepoint-capitalism-book-launch-with-cory-doctorow-tickets-418144450307

On Sept 19, Rebecca and I will both be at McNally Jackson in NYC, discussing the book with Kate Judge, author of the stupendous new book “DIRECT: The Rise of the Middleman Economy and the Power of Going to the Source”:

https://www.mcnallyjackson.com/event/rebecca-giblin-and-cory-doctorow-present-chokepoint-capitalism

From Sept 21–23 I’m appearing at Unfinished Live at The Shed NYC, with panels and solo presentations on competition, interoperability and digital human rights:

https://live.unfinished.com/

On the evening of Sept 23, Rebecca and I will be joined by Nilay Patel, editor-in-chief of The Verge, at an event hosted by the Engelberg Center on Innovation Law & Policy at NYU School of Law — it’s at 7PM at the Tishman Auditorium at 40 Washington Square S:

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/chokepoint-capitalism-funtime-book-party-tickets-411552222777

We’re in San Francisco next, for a Sunday afternoon event on Sept 25 at the San Francisco Public Library’s Koret auditorium in the main branch (100 Larkin St); we’re still confirming our special guest, but they’re pretty special!

https://sfpl.org/events/2022/09/25/author-rebecca-giblin-and-cory-doctorow

Then we head back to LA, where Book Soup is sponsoring an event with David A. Goodman, who led the incredibly triumphant Hollywood writers’ strike against the private-equity backed talent agency cartel; it’s 7PM on Sept 27 at the Beverly Hills Public Library Auditorium (444 N Rexford):

https://www.booksoup.com/event/cory-doctorow-rebecca-giblin

That’s all the stuff that’s confirmed and online, but it’s not the whole tour! Rebecca and/or I and/or both of us will be doing events later this year in Boston, Ottawa (again!), Montreal, Washington DC, Miami, London, and beyond. We’ll post details once they’re live.

In the meantime, you’ve got less than two days to get in on our Kickstarter for the indie, non-Audible, DRM-free audiobook edition (you can also pre-order ebooks and print editions, as well as donating copies to libraries):

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/doctorow/chokepoint-capitalism-an-audiobook-amazon-wont-sell/

Attentive readers will have noticed that the events for this event are happening before the official publication date for the book (Sept 27); that’s because supply chain disruptions pushed the on-sale date back. But have no fear, our publisher has assured us there will be ample supplies of the book at our events.

Image: Alex Schoenfeldt Photography https://www.schoenfeldt.com

CC BY 2.0: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

[Image ID: A photo of me giving a talk at a bookstore.]

[causeiwanttoandican]

Harry, Meghan and me: my truth as a royal reporter

I've covered elections and extremism, but nothing compares to the vitriol I've received since I started writing about the Sussexes

By Camilla Tominey, Associate Editor27 March 2021 • 6:00am

It is probably worth mentioning from the outset that I never, ever, planned to become a royal reporter. I mean, who does? It’s one of those ridiculous jobs most people fall into completely by accident.

I certainly wasn’t coveting the position when I first found out how bonkers the beat could be after covering Charles and Camilla’s wedding in 2005. Desperate for ‘a line’ on what went on at the reception, journalists were reduced to flagging down passing cars in Windsor High Street and interrogating the likes of Stephen Fry about whether they’d had the salmon or the chicken.

Watergate, this wasn’t.

Yet when my former editor called me into his office shortly afterwards and offered me the royal job ‘because you’re called Camilla and you dress nicely’, who was I to refuse?

Having planned to get married myself that summer, and start a family soon afterwards, I looked to the likes of Jennie Bond and Penny Junor and figured it would be a good patch for a working mother as well as being one I could grow old with. Unlike show business, when celebrities are ‘in’ one minute and ‘out’ the next, the royals would stay the same, making it easier to build – and keep – contacts.

So if you’d told me that 16 years later, I would find myself at the centre of a media storm over a royal interview with Oprah Winfrey, I’d have probably laughed in your face. First of all, only royals like Fergie do interviews with Oprah. And since when did journalists become the story?

Yet as I have experienced since the arrival of Meghan Markle on the royal scene in 2016 – a move that roughly coincided with Twitter doubling its 140-character limitation to 280 – royal reporters like me now find themselves in the line of fire like never before.

We are used to the likes of Kate Adie coming under attack in the Middle East, but now it is the correspondents who write up events like Trooping the Colour and the Royal Windsor Horse Show having to take cover from the keyboard warriors supposedly defending the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s ‘truth’.

Accusations of racism have long been levelled against anyone who has dared to write less than undiluted praise of Harry and Meghan. But even I have been taken aback by the vitriol on social media in the wake of the couple’s televised two-hour talk-a-thon, in which they branded both the Royal family and the British press racist while complaining about their ‘almost unsurvivable’ multimillionaire lives at the hands of the evil monarchy. And all while the rest of the UK were losing their loved ones and livelihoods in a global pandemic.

Having covered Brexit, general elections and stories about Islamic extremism, I’ve grown used to being sprayed with viral vomit on a fairly regular basis, but when you’ve got complete strangers trolling your best friend’s Instagram feed by association? That’s Britney Spears levels of toxic.

Having a hind thicker than a rhino’s, it wasn’t the repeated references to my being ‘a total c—’ that particularly bothered me, nor even the suggestion that I should have my three children put up for adoption. At one point someone even said it would be a good idea for me to drink myself to death like my mother, about whose chronic alcoholism I have written extensively.

No, what really got me was the appalling spelling and grammar. I mean, if you’re going to hurl insults, at least have the decency to get my name right.

Yet in order to understand just how it has come to pass that so-called #SussexSquaders think nothing of branding all royal correspondents ‘white supremacists’ regardless of who they write for, or sending hate mail to our email addresses, offices – and in some cases, even our homes – it’s worth briefly going to back to when I first broke the story that Prince Harry was dating an American actor in the Sunday Express on 31 October 2016. Headlined: ‘Royal world exclusive: Harry’s secret romance with TV star’, the splash revealed how the popular prince was ‘secretly dating a stunning US actress, model and human rights campaigner’.

Despite my now apparently being on a par with the Ku Klux Klan for failing to acknowledge Meghan as the next messiah, it was actually not until the fifteenth paragraph of that original article that the ‘confident and intelligent’ Northwestern University graduate was described as ‘the daughter of an African-American mother and a father of Dutch and Irish descent’.

Call me superficial, but I was genuinely far more interested in the fact that Harry ‘I-come-with-baggage’ Wales was dating a former ‘briefcase girl’ from the US version of Deal or No Deal than the colour of her skin. A ginger prince punching well above his weight? This was the stuff of tabloid dreams. Little did I know then that covering the trials and tribulations of these two lovebirds would turn into such a nightmare.

The online hostility began bubbling up about eight days after that first story, when Harry’s then communications secretary Jason Knauf issued an ‘unprecedented’ statement accusing the media of ‘crossing a line’.

‘His girlfriend, Meghan Markle, has been subject to a wave of abuse and harassment’, it read, referencing a ‘smear on the front page of a national newspaper; the racial undertones of comment pieces; and the outright sexism and racism of social media trolls and web article comments’. Meghan’s mother, Doria Ragland, had apparently been besieged by photographers, while bribes had been offered to Meghan’s ex-boyfriend along with ‘the bombardment of nearly every friend, coworker, and loved one in her life’.

Suffice to say, I did feel a bit guilty. Although I hadn’t written anything remotely racist or sexist, I had started the ball rolling for headlines like the MailOnline’s ‘(Almost) straight outta Compton’ (referencing a song by hip-hop group NWA about gang violence and Meghan’s upbringing in the nearby LA district of Crenshaw), along with her ‘exotic’ DNA (which I subsequently called out, including on This Morning in the wake of ‘Megxit’ in January last year).

Omid Scobie, co-author of Finding Freedom, a highly favourable account of the Sussexes’ departure from the Royal family, written with their cooperation last summer, would later insist that the couple knew the story of their relationship was coming out and were well prepared for it.

I can tell you categorically that they weren’t, since I did not even put a call into Kensington Palace before we went to press for fear of it being leaked. (I did later discuss this with Harry, when I covered his trip to the Caribbean in November 2016, and to be fair he was pretty philosophical, agreeing it would have come out sooner or later. But that was before the former Army Captain decided to well and truly shoot the messenger, latterly telling journalists covering the newly-weds’ tax-payer-funded October 2018 tour of Australia and the south Pacific: ‘Thanks for coming, even though you weren’t invited.’)

The royal press pack is the group of dedicated writers who cover all the official engagements and tours on a rota system, in exchange for not bothering the royals as they go about their private business. It was a shame this ragtag bunch, of which I am an associate member, was never personally introduced to Meghan when the couple got engaged in November 2017.

I still have fond memories of a then Kate Middleton, upon her engagement to Prince William in November 2010, showing me her huge sapphire and diamond ring following a press conference at St James’s Palace with the words, ‘It was William’s mother’s so it is very special.’

I replied that she might want to consider buying ‘one of those expanding accordion style file holders’ to organise all her wedding paperwork. (Reader, I had given birth to my second child less than four months earlier and was still lactating.)

Not meeting Meghan did not stop royal commentators like me writing reams about her being ‘a breath of fresh air’ and telling practically every TV show I appeared on that she was the ‘best thing to have happened to the Royal Family in years’.

As the world followed the joyous news of the Windsors’ resident strip billiards star having finally found ‘the one’, the couple enjoyed overwhelmingly positive press culminating in their fairy-tale wedding in May 2018, which we headlined ‘So in love’ above a picture of the bride and groom kissing. I tweeted the wedding front page, along with the original story breaking the news of their relationship with the words, ‘Job done’. Yet, as Meghan would later point out in a glossy Santa Barbara garden, that was by far the end of the story.

According to the Duchess’s testimony before a global audience of millions, the seeds for their royal departure were actually sown by an article I wrote in November 2018 suggesting she made Kate cry during a bridesmaid’s dress fitting for Princess Charlotte.

Claiming the ‘reverse happened’, the former Suits star railed, ‘A few days before the wedding she was upset about something, pertaining to, yes, the issue was correct, about flower-girl dresses, and it made me cry, and it really hurt my feelings.’

She then went on to criticise the palace for failing to correct the story – suggesting that royal aides had hung her out to dry to protect the Duchess of Cambridge.

All of which left me in a bit of a sticky situation. As I told Phillip Schofield on This Morning the following day, ‘I don’t write things I don’t believe to be true and that haven’t been really well sourced.’

Having seemingly been completely bowled over by Meghan’s version of events, Schofe then went for the jugular: ‘I have to say, though, that’s all addressed in that interview, isn’t it, because she [Meghan] couldn’t understand why nobody stood up for her?’

Yet someone had stood up for her, on that very same This Morning sofa: me.

As I told Phil and Holly on 14 January 2019, as more reports of ‘Duchess Difficult’ started to emerge, ‘I think she [Meghan] is doing really well, she looks amazing, she speaks well. She has played a blinder.’

So you’ll forgive me if I can’t quite understand why Meghan didn’t feel the need to correct this supposedly glaring error once she had her own dedicated head of communications from March 2019 – or indeed when she ‘collaborated’ with Scobie, who concluded in his bestselling hagiography that ‘no one cried’?

Moreover, how did the Duchess know a postnatal Kate wasn’t ‘left in tears’? And if she doesn’t know, what hope has the average troll observing events through the prism of their own deep-rooted insecurities?

It appears the actual truth ceases to matter once sides have been taken in the unedifying Team Meghan versus Team Kate battle that has divided the internet.

Make no mistake, there are abject morons at both extremes spewing the sort of bile that, ironically, makes most of the media coverage of Harry and Meghan look like a 1970s edition of Jackie magazine.

It perhaps didn’t help my case that the day before the interview was aired in the US, I had written a lengthy piece carefully weighing up the evidence behind allegations of ‘outrageous bullying’ that had been levelled against Meghan during what proved to be a miserable 20 months in the Royal family for all concerned.

The messages – to my Twitter feed, my email, my website and official Facebook page – ranged from the threatening, to the typical tropes about media ‘scum’ and the downright bizarre. Some accused me of being in cahoots with Carole Middleton, with whom I have never interacted, unless you count a last-minute Party Pieces purchase in a desperate moment of poor parental planning.

Another frequent barb was questioning why the press wasn’t writing about that ‘pedo’ [sic] Prince Andrew instead – seemingly oblivious to the fact that no one would know about the Duke of York’s links to Jeffrey Epstein if it wasn’t for the acres of coverage devoted to the story by us royal hacks over recent years.

It didn’t matter that I had repeatedly torn the Queen’s second, and, some say, favourite son to pieces for everything from his propensity to take his golf clubs on foreign tours to that disastrous Newsnight interview.

Contrary to the ‘invisible contract’ Harry claims the palace has with the press, royal coverage works roughly like this: good royal deeds = good publicity. Bad royal deeds = bad publicity. We effectively act as a critical friend, working on behalf of a public that rightly expects the royals to take the work – but not themselves – seriously.

So when a royal couple preaches about climate change before taking four private jets in 11 days, it is par for the course for a royal scribe to point out the inconsistency of that message. None of it is ever personal, as evidenced by the fact that practically every member of the monarchy has come in for flak over the years.

If Oprah wasn’t willing to point out the discrepancies in Harry and Meghan’s testimony, surely it is beholden on royal reporters to question how the Duchess had managed to undertake four foreign holidays in the six months after her wedding, in addition to official tours to Italy, Canada, and Amsterdam, as well as embarking on a lengthy honeymoon, if she had ‘turned over’ her passport?

While no one would wish to undermine the extent of her mental health problems, could it really be true that she only left the house twice in four months when she managed to cram in 73 days’ worth of engagements, according to the Court Circular, in the 17 months between her wedding and the couple’s departure to Canada?

And what of the ‘racist’ headlines flashed up during the interview purporting to be from the British press, when more than a third were actually taken from independent blogs and the foreign media? The UK media abides by the Independent Press Standards Organisation’s Code of Conduct ‘to avoid prejudicial or pejorative reference to an individual’s race’, as well as by rigorous defamation laws. And rightly so – the British press doesn’t always get it right. But social media is the Wild West by comparison, publishing vile slurs on a daily basis with impunity.

Some therefore find it strange that such a litigious couple would claim to have been ‘silenced’ when they have made so many complaints, including resorting to legal action, over stories they claim not to have even read. There is something similarly contradictory about a couple accusing the tabloids of lacking self-reflection while refusing to take any blame at all – for anything.

In any normal world, informed writing on such matters would be classed as fair comment, but not, seemingly, on Twitter where those completely lacking any objectivity whatsoever are only too willing to virtue signal and manoeuvre.

As the trolling reached fever pitch in the aftermath of the interview, veteran royal reporter Robert Jobson of the Evening Standard called me. ‘Don’t respond to these freaks,’ he advised. ‘It’s getting nasty out there. Watch your back!’

Yet despite my general sense of bewilderment at the menacing Megbots, I can’t say it didn’t appal me to discover a close friend had received online abuse, purely by dint of being my mate. After discussing the lengths the troll must have gone to to track her down, she asked me, ‘Do you ever worry someone might do something awful to you?’ Er, not until now, no.

Of course it’s upsetting, even for a cynical old-timer like me. Worse still are people who actually know me casting aspersions on my profession on social media. Often these are the same charlatans who would think nothing of sidling up to me for the latest gossip on the Royal family, while publicly pretending that reading any such coverage is completely beneath them.

Most pernicious of all though – not least after Piers Morgan’s departure from Good Morning Britain following a complaint to ITV and Ofcom from the Duchess – is the corrosive effect this whole hullabaloo is having on freedom of speech. When you’ve got a former actor effectively editing a British breakfast show from an £11 million Montecito mansion, what next?

I cannot help but think we are in danger of setting race relations back 30 years if people are seriously suggesting that any criticism of Meghan is racially motivated. It’s the hypocrisy that gets me. When Priti Patel was accused of bullying, the very same people who willingly hung the Home Secretary out to dry are now the ones defending Meghan against such claims, saying they have been levelled at her simply because she is ‘a strong woman of colour’.

Of course journalists should take responsibility for everything they report and be held to account for it – but Harry and Meghan do not have a monopoly on the truth simply because the close friend and neighbour who interviewed them in return for £7 million from CBS took what they said as gospel.

If she isn’t willing to probe the disparity between Meghan saying someone questioned the colour of Archie’s skin when she was pregnant, and Harry suggesting it happened before they were even married, then someone must. There’s a name for such scrutiny. It’s called journalism.

The public reserves the right to make up its own mind – with the help of the watchful eye of a free and fair press. But that press can never be free or fair if journalists do not feel they can report without fear or favour. I’m lucky that a lot of the criticism I face is more than balanced out by hugely supportive members of the public and online community who either agree – or respect the right to disagree. Along with the hate mail, I have had many thoughtful and eloquent missives, including those that good naturedly challenge what I have written in the paper or said on TV, which have genuinely given me pause for thought.

I am more than happy to enter into constructive discourse with these correspondents, who are frankly sometimes the only people who keep me on Twitter. I mean, let’s face it, I wouldn’t be anywhere near the bloody thing if this wasn’t my day job.

With the National Union of Journalists this month declaring that harassment and abuse had ‘become normalised’ within the industry, never have members of Britain’s press needed more courage. As Winston Churchill famously said, ‘You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.’

Who would have thought that the preservation of the fundamental freedoms that we hold so dear should partially rest on the shoulders of those who follow around a 94-year-old woman and her family for a living?

If I’d known then what I know now, would I still have written the bridesmaid’s dress story?

Yes – doubtlessly reflecting sisterly sobs all round. But after two decades in this business, I am clear-eyed enough to know this for certain: whatever I had written, it would still have ended in tears.

[newtonsheffield]

Edwina!!! what a dream of a sister, what a dream of an update - thank you so much for all the work you put into this universe, it brings so much joy into my life, which - with this whole pandemic thing - is not that joyful right now. thank you thank you thank you!! also: Matthew and Edwina have never been of much interest to me until that update today but now I am curious - any headcanons about the two of them that you would like to share?

Ahhhh Edwina!  Edwina and Kate’s relationship is very near and dear to my heart. My sister and I grew up very separate from our large extended family because we grew up in Australia and the rest of our family is still in the UK and as a result we’re very close. Edwina reminds me of my sister very much and she is genuinely my favourite person in this world (Natalie Portman excluded because I believe her to be an ethereal being more so than a human) so I genuinely loved writing this week’s update and I hope I did Edwina justice!

Edit because I very rudely forgot to respond to part of your message! I’m so glad this scrappy little series is helping you through this difficult time. I cannot tell you how touched I am to hear that this series has an impact on anyone’s life even in the smallest way!

Okay! Sweet Matthew Bagwell who just genuinely fell in love with Edwina, and then had to deal with her Brother in law who seemed to take his very presence as an affront as he glowered at him reading a story to Edwina’s tiny Nephew, even as Kate said Never mind Anthony, he thinks he’s very scary. And Matthew privately thought that Anthony thought right. 

Matthew Bagwell had been having a very very bad day. His dig proposal was shot down nearly immediately. Someone on a school trip had gotten far too close to an exhibit which had set off all sorts of alarms. And the archaeology class he was teaching for the University of London had had one very bored attendee who kept humming the theme song to Indiana Jones. He’d been texting his brother to bail on their movie plans later, rounded the corner and banged right into someone. He’d looked down to apologise and found himself looking down at the most startlingly beautiful woman he’d ever seen and his breath was stolen from his body. Her eyes seemed to be burning into his, her dark hair falling around her face in soft waves, and then he realised he’d actually bumped into two someone’s because the tiny baby wearing a triceratops onesie complete with a hood strapped to her front started crying. I’m so sorry! Now I’ve made your son cry Matthew stuttered out stooping to look at the very adorable baby pulling a little face as the baby started giggling happily. We ran into you This woman’s musical voice drifted down to him and his heart just about stopped beating as her face broke into a beautiful smile and she said He’s my nephew, just by the way. And suddenly, though he’d never been the most confident person... ever something about this woman made him want to try summoning all his courage to say I’m Matthew!  a jolt went straight through him when she took his hand and said lightly Edwina that breathtaking smile still on her face when she said And this is Edmund, we’re learning about the Dinosaurs today and Matthew took a deep breath clenching his fist as he said Umm it’s not my specialty but maybe I could help? And when he smiled at her as he turned to go hours later, having spent the most enjoyable day he’d possibly ever had at work with a woman who was smart and funny and clearly loved her nephew, he was very surprised when her voice called out Were you not even going to ask for my phone number?! And he’d practically fallen over himself to get back to her, his phone outstretched and something familiar had twigged in the back of his brain when he’d seen her name Edwina Sheffield and when he got back home and his eyes landed on the magazine his mother had left there his brain stalling as he recognised the woman on the cover. He could only let out a very startled Fuck 

Edwina’s heart had practically beat out of her chest when she’d left Matthew at the museum, a smile stuck on her face the whole way back to Kate’s. Even when Kate had teased her Edwina Sheffield you sly dog, are you using my baby to pick up men? Oh my god! Anthony! My sister is using our child to hunt down men ready for marriage! And Anthony had appeared already scowling clearly ready to shoo a man from his living room Edwina had very half heartedly rolled her eyes and said Shut up Kate!  and biting her lip she said it was just kind of nice to meet someone who didn’t... know who I was. And Kate had stopped laughing immediately, Well he’d be stupid not to call you Eddie. And yet a week later he hadn’t. And Edwina was feeling more than a little disheartened even as she took Edmund back to the museum the next week as was her routine almost dreading running into the man who’d had the kindest smile she’d ever seen and actually seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say, not just what she looked like. And Jesus christ there he was, right by the coffee cart in the entrance hall his eyes darting around the foyer and her heart sank when she saw the magazine he was carrying, her face right there on the cover. And god help her she turned and walked right out of the foyer as their eyes met, tears pricking the whole way. Edwina wait!  Matthew’s frantic voice called after her, his footsteps pounding on the pavement outside, his long strides catching her embarrassingly quickly his hand tentatively touching her shoulder as she spun towards him desperately wanting to be angry but just feeling desperately stupid Matthew can we please not do this? I know, it’s a very good story to take to your friends that you shagged Edwina Sheffield, and I’ll admit you put in much more effort than most to pretend you didn’t know but it usually doesn’t end up being very fun for me and really I’m just- And his eyes looked so terrified for a second so wide that she stopped short, I really didn’t know! Last week I mean and god, then I went home and my mum had left this there and I felt so so stupid and I wanted to call you but God you’re so smart and funny and then you’re this as well and I thought you maybe did it as kind of a laugh like teasing a poor nerdy guy and I just panicked He was rambling so earnestly and God he just seemed so sweet, in the sweater that was obviously homemade, his glasses slipping down his nose that she couldn’t help herself from standing on her toes and pressing a soft kiss against his cheek. When she pulled back he looked positively stunned, his cheeks flushing red, as he touched his cheek in disbelief where her lips had been seconds before. And her heart swelled with affection when She said Just to be clear, Matthew. I think you’re very smart and funny, and yes, very cute, and I’d very much like to go out with you. 

And when he got down on one knee right there in the spot they’d first met, even though it had only been seven months she knew exactly what she was going to say before he’d even managed to stutter out the question.        

[fighterkimburgess]

Five places you'd like to travel to/visit after this pandemic finally blows over

Most of these were trips I had either planned or half planned pre pandemic. I’m gonna be more than two years without getting on a plane, it’s ridiculously upsetting.

Montreal, Canada - I miss my best friend a stupid stupid amount. It’s two years since I’ve seen her.

NYC - I was supposed to be there next week, but the US won’t let in Irish people yet. Because of course they won’t.

Manchester, England - I’m meant to be there literally Right Now. I was supposed to be at a concert last night. But instead I’m home. So yeah, I desperately, desperately want to go.

Australia - I’ve family in a couple of towns in Queensland, plus a cousin in Perth, so I wanted to spend three weeks there. A week in QLD with my uncle and his family, a week in either Brisbane or Sydney depending on my mood, and a week in Perth before flying home. Would it be a huge amount of travel? Yeah. Did I care? Not entirely.

Amsterdam, Netherlands - this is the last place I was before the pandemic, I literally flew home in March last year. I miss it so much and would love to go back for some poffertjes, cheese, and a chance to wander around the city centre.

[thejosh1980]

I was lookin' back to see if she was lookin' back...

Yesterday Alex, Mum and I celebrated...

It's been one year since Alex and I arrived at Mum's place in Ocean Shores, NSW Australia.

If you've read my earlier blogs in 2020, you'll know that we had a lot of trouble getting home. Between the government and airlines, at one point it looked like we'd never get here; we were stranded. I was living in constant worry, stress and hopelessness - in fact, we all were: Alex's family in Germany and Mum's family down under.

Our July 2020 flights were cancelled or rescheduled many times, and eventually we decided to buy new, more expensive flights, on another airline through an agency, which gave us some assurances we'd be on the flight. Our new flights booked and confirmed for early September.

We flew Frankfurt to Adelaide, which was not our original plan. Adelaide had no COVID, and the chance of getting on a flight and getting into the country was higher than say, Brisbane, or Sydney. We could quarantine in Adelaide for 2 weeks and then fly on to Brisbane, which is closer to Ocean Shores.

That was like.... so last year...

This area where we now live is known as the Northern Rivers of New South Wales, and when we arrived at Mum's there was no COVID in the area. We are only about 35 minutes south of the Queensland border, about 8 hours north of the big smoke, Sydney.

Now, a year on, COVID has arrived here.

It's been biting at the heals of tourists and essential workers travelling north since Sydney went into lockdown a couple of months ago.

It's not our idea of a good time.

Right now it's school holidays, which is meant to be 2 weeks of families holidaying in caravan parks and hotels, an essential part of this tourist attraction mecca. Byron Bay, Brunswick Heads, and surrounds are usually very popular places; so popular that most locals complain about how busy it gets here during the holidays. You just can't get a parking sport anywhere!

The Northern Rivers was locked down for about 6 weeks through August into September because cases from Sydney were getting into regional NSW. These regional areas affected by COVID weren't near here, but they made a blanket rule for everywhere outside of Sydney, just to be on the safe side.

Honestly, I don't blame them for the rule, regional outback Australia can't cope with COVID, there's few hospitals, beds, or COVID experience in the scrub and farm land.

Anyhow, I digress...

After those 6 weeks or so in lockdown, they lifted the restrictions here in the northern rivers (and other areas of NSW).

And now, after 2 weeks, lockdown is back on...

There are a couple of cases in the area. Snap lockdowns are the government's preferred method of containing outbreaks. Lockdown areas wherever cases pop up for a week or two (or longer) to limit exposure.

It reminds me constantly that life can change quickly at any time. I have decided I will not waste time once this current lockdown has ended (who knows when that will be). I will visit friends, family, and musicians who live close by. I want to see as many folks as quickly as possible, before another lockdown kicks in.

Besides the boring, never ending tale of COVID, there have been a few things happening this past year...

Alex has been working consistently in the real estate industry since her temporary visa kicked in late last year.

Her first job was a few more miles away than any of us locals would consider driving, and the position wasn't as enjoyable or rewarding as she had first hoped. She really dived in the deep end, and while she didn't drown, she probably needed a few swimming lessons before the attempt. It was a life lesson, one she took on board, and when a new job came up closer to home, she nailed the interview (as she always does), and hasn't looked back.

The 2nd job is less than half the distance away, strictly 9 to 5 and in a company which she enjoys. There's a strong company structure, good work ethic, and entertaining colleagues. Her supervisors, colleagues, and managers are all very supportive; I think she'll be sitting tight on this one for a while.

Alex has also found her creative side again, scrap book journalling, instant camera photography, and some kind of couples diary/journal/photo book too. It's become an almost nightly affair of focusing, creating, and having something to show for it fairly quickly. She's very proud of her work, and it's something she does just for herself. I don't expect you'll get a chance to see a photo of what she's done, and she likes it like that.

I had a bit of work late in 2020 and early 2021, nothing special really, but wait until the premier!! It's interesting to think that some day soon I'll be able to go to the cinema and see my ugly mug on the big screen (even if it will most likely be out of focus). I'll be on Netflix too.

Having the opportunity to be an extra on film and TV was a real boost for my confidence after being off stage for so long. I felt creative, met some great people, made some friends, and had a few bucks in my pocket. Happy days.

By jumping into an industry I hadn't been in before right after arriving here, it reminded me that Australia has a lot to offer. I found myself comparing Germany and Australia, and Australia often feels like it comes up short. This was a chance to prove to myself that there are adventures awaiting here down under.

So, I decided to go back to school.

The last time I was in a class room was in 1998!! I am studying a Diploma of Counselling, and am currently half way through my studies. I've found it very challenging, but have passed every assessment so far, and gained some handy skills too. I have a good connection with my teachers, and I really enjoy the company of my classmates; some of which I can even call friends.

I chose counselling for a few reasons, but the first step was really just a process of elimination. Besides being a freelance professional musician for several years in Germany, I had worked in offices, shops, warehouses, kindergartens and various other jobs. While I could go back into IT or something similar, I wanted to use this opportunity to try something new.

I had my fair share of mental health issues in the past (and present). I thought maybe those experiences could help me connect with folks who need support as well. When looking at course options, the counselling course stood out. So now I'm making a mid life crisis gamble that I'll pass the course, and feel confident and knowledgeable enough to take on the role that many others have taken on for me over the years.

The course has helped me find a routine too, one that I didn't know I needed, until it happened. When you're jobless and unfocused, the mind wanders, the days pass. Now my mind is focused on study, and I feel better for it.

Up until the lockdown hit, we were in class 3 days a week and then I'd study from home 1 to 3 days a week. When lockdown hit, we had to go online. However, being on the computer so much has worn me out, and I really start to enjoy those rare days where I am not looking at a screen!

To be honest, it's been challenging every step of the way, and I even thought about quitting several times in the past few months. However, my confidence has steadily risen to each challenge and I felt better for it.

That's the kind of vicious circle I enjoy.

In July I had my first live show in 13 months! In fact, to date I've only had 3 since the pandemic started! Fingers crossed I can cross the border next month and add a 4th.

I was approached by Cherry Divine to play guitar for her. It's a relatively easy gig for me. The songs are fun rockabilly tunes, Cherry sings great, and she already has a band and gigs. I'm helping her write a few songs too, for her next album. I can't thank her enough for sparkin' the fire in me to keep music alive in my life; for a while there I thought it was all a thing of the past.

With the spark has come the possibility of “The Josh” solo band coming together. While the band isn't moving at any great speed (the recent 2nd lockdown kicked in right as I was about to arrange a rehearsal), I'm finally eager to get a band together. I miss playing live, and I miss having musicians in my life. I miss the spontaneity of a show, life on the road, and crowd reactions.

I've even started to write some new material, and get those ideas on “tape”, well, on the computer. Slow and steady, between studying, family, pets and surfing, music is coming back into my life, and it feels good.

Our family unit here is doing well. Alex and I have been under mum's roof and mum's care for a year now. There are some ups and downs, but mostly I'd say they're ups... The house is big enough to give all of us space, all of us get time outside of the house (except during lockdown, I was mostly stuck at home, but that's OK for me)...

Last night we couldn't go out for dinner, but we did have take away from the local Indian which was really good, and a special treat for us, we don't eat out often.

Alex and I plan to get away every 5-6 months for a visit to somewhere we haven't been. In March we were on the “Sunshine Coast” and checked out Australia Zoo, and in June we went south to the mid north coast to pick up BB Junior.

It's nice to get out and explore. A bit hard to do at the moment, with the restrictions, but we've agreed another trip away (before Christmas if possible) is in order. Those trips are part of the reason why I came home, to see some of Australia, and I'm lucky I get to make those experiences with Alex.

It's also nice to get away from it all. I know we live in a beautiful spot near the ocean, but here, at home, there's the computers, the life and routine, and getting away keeps us fresh and focused on each other. It's definitely something I look forward to!

Speaking of BB Junior, he's almost 7 months old now, and a real character. While he's not the easiest cat to train, I've been getting a few tricks out of him, and he enjoys his time outside, with his harness and long lead. He visits his cousin each week for play time, Charlie, who is another ragdoll of a family friend who loves to play chase all day long with Junior. Alex adores Junior, and Junior adores Alex; they can't wait to cuddle when she comes home from work. He's very vocal too, so even when everyone is at work, I have someone to talk to!

Losing our little boy Mijo was a real difficult experience. I know I've written about him before, but he deserves a mention here, as he was a big part of our first year here. He was full of character and strength, he and I bonded very quickly and not a day goes by I don't think of him. He also brought Alex and I closer together. When she chose him for me, and when he passed, and all points in between, he brought us closer.

I've been focused on sport a fair bit since getting back and settling in. I bought a RowErg, also known as a rowing machine, and I row about twice a week, in addition to riding my bicycle about twice a week. I try to surf every chance I get, which unfortunately ends up being only a few times a month. It's my goal to do something sporty to get my heart rate up every day, and of late, usually I get there too. I don't really do it for any other reason than I love to snack and I can't snack if I don't do sport!

A benefit of my sport/snack workout routine is it helps me stay calm and focused and connected with those I ride and surf with.

I haven't asked Mum how she's feeling about having her middle aged son and his wife living with her recently. Maybe I should, but do I really wanna know the answer? Well, I think she's OK with it. After all, we drive her wherever she wishes! I suspect it goes a little deeper than that, and in all honesty, we enjoy each other's company.

Since Alex and I have been here, I'd like to think Mum has been living a little bit fuller life. I don't think her eyesight has deteriorated much in the past year, but we've been able to provide her with support, eyes to read the small print, driving and help with google, or something around the house. When Mum was diagnosed with celiac disease earlier this year, Alex took her shopping to check over the ingredients of Mum's favourite food, and when needed, found alternatives. It definitely made the transition to gluten free a little easier on Mum and it was a load off my mind that we were around to help her through that phase.

Winter 2021 was over before it even started. I forgot how warm this part of the world is, and I don't know why I own so many jackets! Returning from Europe, where I was wearing a jacket daily for about 9 months of the year, here it feels like, if it's really needed, and I mean if you're desperate, you might need one for 9 weeks of the year. I think the heater was on a handful of times, and the sun was shining just about every day.

I tell ya, it's some kind of paradise here.

It's been a bit difficult keeping up with our European friends and family. I sometimes find it hard to find the time to be proactive to contact the 20, 30 or more friends I'd like to keep in touch with regularly. I know our lives keep on keepin' on, but time passes by so quickly too, and next thing you know it's been 4 months since I last contacted you!

Sorry about that!

Don't take it personally, and I'll get back to you, eventually!

My overall mental health has improved over the year, I'd say it's become quite stable since I started the course. I mean, can't you tell? I write less and less in this blog, because I have less and less to process. I'm not sure if it's the fact there's a lot of self reflection that is inherently a part of doing that kind of mental health course, or if it's the routine of being a student or the new friends I've made and classmates I study with.

It could be that it's taken a year to come to terms with being back here, cause when I first arrived I felt uncomfortable, depressed and worn out... There were a lot of questions; is this a mid life crisis? What am I doing here? Will I ever feel good again? Is my music career over? What am I going to do now? Is Alex OK? Is Mum OK?

My journalling, blogging, and support from friends and family has helped a lot too this past year. Processing my thoughts in words, by clarifying and reflecting, has helped a lot. I've been trying to care for myself a bit more now and then too, I think people call it self care, sometimes I call it sport! Alex has helped me to recognise my achievements, however big or small, and focus less on what I haven't done.

I'm not perfect, but definitely improving.

I was hoping that Alex and I would be in a position to start looking at buying our own house around this time, a year in, but unfortunately, with one of us being a student and the ever rising cost of housing, we have to sit tight on that idea for a while longer. Sorry Mum, you're stuck with us.

There's been many smaller things happen during our first year here. Lots of moments of gratitude, love and support. There's some stuff we've forgotten, or that has been overtaken by something bigger. All in all, I'd say it's been a real rollercoaster home coming!

We're still here, a year on, still going strong, making motions, taking chances, being in love, talking shit, laughing, smiling, misbehaving and focusing... What more could we ask for?

Thank you for reading, for your support and love. I love you too.

Josh

[kyndaris]

Tripping Down Memory Lane

Just before a single case of Delta would spread and lock down the harbour city of Sydney, many of us managed to enjoy the Queen’s birthday long weekend during the first half of June. Eager to leave the house after being trapped indoors for a long time, I decided to visit the newly renovated Australian Museum and compare it to the fun interactive exhibits that I had experienced while I was in the United States of America - from the Natural History Museum in Houston, Texas to the Smithsonian in Washington D.C.

It didn’t help that my memories of visiting the Australian Museum were very lacklustre in nature. In particular, I remember paying to see an Egyptian exhibit and had finished taking a look around within an hour or two.The only good experiences I can recall during my childhood were the occasional special exhibits at the PowerHouse Museum and a trip to Questacon back when I was about 12.

 So, with my mother in tow, we paid a visit to the Australian Museum, located on the other side of Hyde Park and was a stone’s throw away from St Mary’s Cathedral. 

Being a long weekend, there was, unfortunately, a lot of children and their parents in attendance. The young scamps were almost everywhere. And none of them were wearing masks! I almost wanted to dropkick them out into the cold wintry air for spoiling my fun.

Don’t they know that museums are for twenty-something-year-olds? Can’t they appreciate that someone with a steady job wants to learn more about the natural history of the world? 

Honestly. There should be a sign outside museums that say that children under the age of 10 are not allowed inside!

(I jest. But given the fact that the pandemic has yet to go away fully, you can understand the paranoia that had been on my mind).

Though this was before the Delta case that would send us scrambling to our homes, my mother and I had decided to take several precautions. Ever conscious that it would only take one to start a cluster, I wore a mask during the entirety of our exploration and was hesitant to use the touch screens even though there was a significant amount of sanitiser.

For the first time in a long while, I was able to relive some of the magic I witnessed while I was in the United States of America as I took in the impressive display of taxidermy animals. While it would have been better if they had dressed up some of the glass cages, it was still a delight to see animals posed just so to demonstrate their noble carriage.

Explanations were also fun to read rather than laborious or being bogged down by technical jargon. It was also fun to see an exhibit dedicated to the exploration of various cultures in the Pacific as well rather than an entire hall dedicated to butterflies and beetles. 

But best of all, there was (almost) an entire floor dedicated to dinosaurs! And while I may not be a child under ten or a ‘too cool for school’ teenager, I was still taken aback by the replicas that were present. To my delight, they had even recreated a dinosaur only to have a group of scientists commit to a bit of completing an autopsy to determine what had killed the great beast.

If we could have stayed longer, I would have. 

Unfortunately by 2pm, my stomach was grumbling and the cafe at the top offered a meagre fare that I considered overpriced and would also take significantly longer than I would have liked to be prepared. I’m not going to pay $15 for a Ham and Cheese sandwich. That’s daylight robbery, that is! 

So, off my mother and I trotted down towards Wynyard and Barangaroo. Though the Crown Towers (renamed because they could not obtain a casino licence) had finished construction a good long while ago (for what even is time in lockdown), I hadn’t the chance to pay it a good visit and enjoy what was on offer. Given the late hour, most of the restaurants had closed already for lunch.

Thankfully, the Woodcut was still open and we sat down to enjoy a very late meal to fill up our stomachs and give us the energy boost we needed to head back home.

And so ended a perfectly good outing. 

Little did we know that Delta had already entered Australia and was possibly circling around the Harbour city.

And even when the case was announced on 16th June, Supanova (a great big nerdy convention) was still allowed to go ahead from 18th - 20th June. A little hesitant, I even asked my friend, Bleachpanda, if we ought to risk it. 

Not knowing that it would spiral into quadruple digits despite lockdown while in August, we decided to go ahead with our plans.

Had anyone with COVID-19 actually attended the convention, Supanova would have been the perfect superspreader event. Though numbers were lower than they had been in years previous, it was still a confined indoor event. 

It’s hard to say if my preparations would have helped, including masks, sanitiser and alcohol wipes.

Bleachpanda and I took a quick gander around at the stalls and within two hours, we had finished and were headed back to my car. I was laden down with a few items that I had bought from Tee Turtle shirts to a cute face mask. And then we enjoyed lunch at a Japanese restaurant in Lidcombe - which, at time of writing - is an impossible dream given how quickly things have changed and escalated over the intervening months.

And while vaccination numbers are rising, it still doesn’t feel as if infections have reached their peak though August is ending and September is on the horizon. Already there is talk of students returning to classrooms by October but it’s so hard to look at the future when everyday feels the same as the last (or perhaps progressively worse). Australia might not see the numbers that have utterly decimated India and Indonesia, but it’s terrifying to know that the disease could enter your home just from a trip to grab groceries.

Even with higher vaccination numbers, it still pays to maintain a lot of the measures that we’ve been practicising such as masks, social distancing and washing those hands, you dirty pig! (Oh gosh, Season 3 of Sex Education can’t come out fast enough!)

[newstfionline]

Tuesday, April 13, 2021

Biden’s Infrastructure Push Spurs a Flurry of Lobbying in Congress (NYT) Members of Congress have begun a frenzy of lobbying to ensure that their pet projects and policy priorities are included in President Biden’s $2 trillion infrastructure and jobs plan, eager to shape what could be one of the most substantial public works investments in a generation. Officials across the country are dusting off lists of construction projects and social programs, hoping to secure their piece of a plan aimed at addressing what the administration estimates is at least $1 trillion worth of backlogged infrastructure improvements, as well as economic and racial inequities that have existed for decades. “My phone is blowing up,” Pete Buttigieg, the transportation secretary, said in an interview. Nearly every lawmaker “can point to a road or a bridge or an airport” in his or her district that is in dire need of repair.

Truck seized over ‘munitions of war,’ 5 forgotten bullets (AP) Gerardo Serrano ticked off the border crossing agents by taking some photos on his phone. So they took his pickup truck and held onto it for more than two years. Only after Serrano filed a federal lawsuit did he get back his Ford F-250. Now he wants the Supreme Court to step in and require a prompt court hearing as a matter of constitutional fairness whenever federal officials take someone’s property under civil forfeiture law. The justices could consider his case when they meet privately on Friday. It’s a corner of the larger forfeiture issue, when federal, state or local officials take someone’s property, without ever having to prove that it has been used for illicit purposes. Since 2000, governments have acquired at least $68.8 billion in forfeited property, according to the Institute for Justice, a libertarian public interest law firm that represents Serrano and tracks seizures. The group says the number “drastically underestimates forfeiture’s true scope” because not all states provide data. Serrano’s troubles stemmed from some pictures he took along the way of a long trip from his home in Tyner, Kentucky, to visit relatives, including a dying aunt, in Zaragosa, Mexico. The photo-taking attracted the attention of U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents in Eagle Pass, Texas. When Serrano refused to hand over the password to his phone, the agents went through the 2014 silver pickup truck in great detail. They justified its seizure by saying they found “munitions of war” inside—five forgotten bullets, though no gun. Told to park the truck, he said, he complained a bit before one agent reached into the pickup, opened the door, unfastened Serrano’s seat belt and yanked him out of the vehicle. “I got rights, I got constitutional rights and he snaps back at me, ‘You don’t have no rights here. I’m sick and tired of hearing about your rights.’ That took me aback,” Serrano said.

Should the U.S. boycott the 2022 Winter Olympics in China? (Washington Post) As if there aren’t enough sources of Sino-U.S. friction already, an emerging new irritant may soon outpace the rest: the growing calls for a boycott of Beijing’s 2022 Winter Olympics. The games are still 10 months away. But it’s not too early for the event to turn into a flash point. Critics of China’s ruling Communist Party—including a coalition of more than 180 human rights organizations—argue that the regime’s record of human rights abuses and geopolitical malfeasance ought to deprive it of the right to burnish its image with a spectacle like the Olympics. “Beijing won the right to host the 2022 Olympics in 2015, the same year it cracked down on lawyers and activists across China,” Chinese human rights lawyer Teng Biao wrote earlier this year. “Since then, it has detained journalists; harassed and attacked activists and dissidents even outside China’s borders; shut down nongovernmental organizations; demolished Christian churches, Tibetan temples and Muslim mosques; persecuted, sometimes to death, believers in Falun Gong; and sharply increased its control of media, the Internet, universities and publishers.” An Olympic boycott has become a popular cause among Republicans. Major sporting events—and especially international spectacles like the Olympics—always bear a political dimension.

‘Huge’ explosion rocks St. Vincent as volcano keeps erupting (AP) La Soufriere volcano fired an enormous amount of ash and hot gas early Monday in the biggest explosive eruption yet since volcanic activity began on the eastern Caribbean island of St. Vincent late last week, with officials worried about the lives of those who have refused to evacuate. Experts called it a “huge explosion” that generated pyroclastic flows down the volcano’s south and southwest flanks. “It’s destroying everything in its path,” Erouscilla Joseph, director of the University of the West Indies’ Seismic Research Center, told The Associated Press. “Anybody who would have not heeded the evacuation, they need to get out immediately.” The ongoing volcanic activity has threatened water and food supplies, with the government forced to drill for fresh water and distribute it via trucks. “We cannot put tarpaulin over a river,” said Garth Saunders, minister of the island’s water and sewer authority, referring to the impossibility of trying to protect current water sources from ongoing falling ash.

Colombia’s cartels target Europe (The Guardian) At 5 am on a chilly Tuesday morning last month, 1,600 police officers and balaclava-wearing special forces, bristling with arms and battering rams, were ordered into action around the Belgian port city of Antwerp. More than 200 addresses were raided in what was the largest police operation ever conducted in the country and potentially one of the most significant moves yet against the increasingly powerful narco-gangs of western Europe. An incredible 27 tonnes of cocaine have been seized on Antwerp’s quays, in container ships and safe houses, with an estimated value of €1.4bn (£1.2bn), and many arrests have been made. It has been hailed as a mighty blow against what Belgian federal prosecutor Frédéric Van Leeuw calls “a world where morality has totally disappeared”, but Operation Sky has also highlighted a chilling development. Europe has eclipsed the US as the Colombian cartels’ favoured market, because of higher prices and much lower risks posed by European governments in terms of interdiction, extradition and seizure of assets. Jeremy McDermott, a former British army officer who is now executive director of the thinktank InSight Crime, said a kilogram of cocaine in the US is worth up to $28,000 wholesale but that rises to $40,000 on average in Europe, and nearly $80,000 in some parts of Europe. “It is more money for less risk. I see a deliberate decision by some of the top-level Colombian traffickers, based on sources who sat in a series of meetings in 2005-6, where the business decisions were made,” McDermott said. “It is a business no-brainer.”

Conservative Ex-Banker Headed to Victory in Presidential Election in Ecuador (NYT) Guillermo Lasso, a 66-year-old conservative former banker, was set to win Ecuador’s presidential election and beat out Andrés Arauz, a 36-year-old leftist handpicked by former President Rafael Correa. With more than 94 percent of the votes counted after 10 p.m., Mr. Lasso had 52 percent compared with Mr. Arauz’s 47.32 percent, according to the Electoral Council official counting system in Ecuador. Mr. Arauz conceded defeat. The vote signaled a desire, at least among some, to shift right following years in which Mr. Correa has held sway over the country.

England reopens with pints pulled, shopping sprees and hair cuts (Reuters) People queued up outside retailers across England on Monday to release their pent-up shopping fever and some grabbed a midnight pint or even an early haircut as England’s shops, pubs, gyms and hairdressers reopened after three months of lockdown. After imposing the most onerous restrictions in Britain’s peacetime history, Prime Minister Boris Johnson said the reopening was a “major step” towards freedom but urged people to behave responsibly as the coronavirus was still a threat. Getting people spending again is crucial for Britain’s recovery after official data showed that 2020 was the worst year for its economy in more than three centuries with a 9.8% decline in gross domestic product.

Tropical Cyclone Seroja flattens Australian town (Washington Post) A tropical cyclone battered Australia’s west coast Sunday night and into Monday, destroying homes and leaving thousands without electricity. Severe wind gusts of up to 105 miles per hour tore houses apart and sent debris flying all over Kalbarri, a coastal tourist town of 1,350 people in Western Australia. Authorities estimated some 70 percent of the town’s buildings were damaged. Drone footage from the scene showed dozens of homes with their roofs ripped off. Power lines were down and roads were littered with shards of metal and other debris. Cyclone Seroja made landfall as a category three storm at about 8 p.m. local time on Sunday between the towns of Kalbarri and Gregory. Cyclones of such intensity rarely travel this far south in Australia, and towns outside the cyclone belt are not usually built to withstand the devastating conditions.

Muslims navigate restrictions in the second pandemic Ramadan (AP) For Ramadan this year, Magdy Hafez has been longing to reclaim a cherished ritual: performing the nighttime group prayers called taraweeh at the mosque once again. Last year, the coronavirus upended the 68-year-old Egyptian’s routine of going to the mosque to perform those prayers, traditional during Islam’s holiest month. The pandemic had disrupted Islamic worship the world over, including in Egypt where mosques were closed to worshippers last Ramadan. Ramadan, which begins this week, comes as much of the world has been hit by an intense new coronavirus wave. For many Muslims navigating restrictions, that means hopes of a better Ramadan than last year have been dashed with the surge in infection rates though regulations vary in different countries. A time for fasting, worship and charity, Ramadan is also when people typically congregate for prayers, gather around festive meals to break their daylong fast, throng cafes and exchange visits. Once again, some countries are imposing new restrictions.

Iran blames Israel for sabotage at Natanz nuclear site (AP) Iran on Monday blamed Israel for a sabotage attack on its underground Natanz nuclear facility that damaged the centrifuges it uses to enrich uranium there, warning that it would take revenge for the assault. The comments by Foreign Ministry spokesman Saeed Khatibzadeh represent the first official accusation leveled against Israel for the incident Sunday that cut power across the facility. Israel has not directly claimed responsibility for the attack. However, suspicion fell immediately on it as Israeli media widely reported that a devastating cyberattack orchestrated by Israel caused the blackout. If Israel was responsible, it would further heighten tensions between the two nations, already engaged in a shadow conflict across the wider Middle East. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who met Sunday with U.S. Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin, has vowed to do everything in his power to stop the nuclear deal. According to US intelligence officials, it could take more than nine months to resume enrichment in the nuclear facility.

Abductions and Torture Rattle Uganda (NYT) Armed men in white minivans without license plates picked up people off the streets or from their homes. Those snatched were taken to prisons, police stations and military barracks where they say they were hooded, drugged and beaten—some left to stand in cellars filled with water up to their chests. The fear is still so palpable in the capital, Kampala, that many others have gone into hiding or left the country. Three months after Uganda’s president, Yoweri Museveni, won a sixth five-year term in office in the most fiercely contested election in years, his government appears to be intent on breaking the back of the political opposition. His principal challenger, Bobi Wine, a magnetic musician-turned-lawmaker who galvanized youthful crowds of supporters, is now largely confined to his house in Kampala. Mr. Wine’s party said on Friday that 623 members, supporters and elected officials have been seized from the streets and arrested in recent weeks, many of them tortured.

Prince Philip’s mourners in the South Pacific (Foreign Policy) The death of Prince Philip, the husband of Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II, triggered mourning rituals across the country over the weekend. The mourning is not only reserved for the United Kingdom—on one of Vanuatu’s islands, Tanna, hundreds of members of a local tribe have long venerated Prince Philip as akin to a god, and are preparing to mourn his passing. Although it’s unclear how the Prince Philip Movement began, it is believed to have taken root in the 1970s—given life by the royal couple’s visit in 1974. Key to the movement is the belief that Prince Philip is one with the tribe, and fulfilled a prophecy of a tribesman who had found a powerful wife overseas and “would return some day, either in person or in spiritual form,” Kirk Huffman, an anthropologist, told the BBC.

[holisticpassport]

My Covid Story

Apologies for any spelling errors, I’m on a time crunch. I’m a few hours out from leaving for my first flight since July 2019 (and before that, March 2018). Heading out to Sydney, I’m a mix of anxiety and absolute excitement. In January of this year, our sublet was almost up in Eltham and Cam and I had plans to pack up the car and begin doing workaways around Australia to help rebuild communities devastated by the historic wild fires (doesn’t that feel FOREVER ago?). When our sublet became available for a full lease transfer, we changed our minds to stay in our space, so that was the first instance of travel being knocked out of the picture. Then we had Valentine’s weekend open to go visit some friends in Tasmania, so we booked tickets and upon waiting in the airport, our flights were cancelled due to inclement weather. DAMN.  Mid-march came around and it was Cam’s birthday, so we wanted to get out for a weekend of camping in our big bell tent, find a gorgeous spot in the woods out east near Warburton. When we arrived, every camping spot for an hour’s dive any direction was either full or completely not open at all. We picked a spot off a random road and spent one night there, but some rangers came by and said we couldn’t stay there due to the possible danger of logging trucks not seeing us. So that was a bust.

Then as you’re aware, this time frame leads up to the very tumultuous third week of March when Melbourne officially went into its first lockdown due to COVID. I documented this time in journal entries which I will add at the end, but ultimately the lockdown went until June, and the state reopened too quickly/had a fiasco with quarantined cases getting out of a hotel, thus sparking the second wave. We had flights booked to California for June to see my family and then planned to travel around Mexico for a few months, but that dream was quickly squashed when flights out of Melbourne ceased to exist at all. Months later, I had a flight booked in July to go to Sydney where I was to have my eggs extracted for donation. The day before I was to fly out, second lockdown went into effect and the flight was cancelled (thus forcing me to have the procedure done in Melbourne and cause a huge, historic controversy between Melbourne IVF’s CEO and the medical director of IVF Australia about how to transfer frozen eggs over a closed border!).

I’m struggling to comprehend just how important and meaningful my ability to travel today is. To think back to the first time in history, watching borders around the world close, flights become grounded, and witnessing a global pandemic unfold whilst in a foreign country—I remember thinking at the beginning how unfathomable the scale of it was. When people talk about things not seeming real or like it’s a dream you can’t wake up from, that’s exactly how it felt. I questioned whether I needed to go back to the U.S. in fear I might not see my family for years or be with them if they got fatally ill. Would I be able to even go back if that happened let alone would I be able to re-enter AU (the answer was no). And thank god I didn’t go back considering the absolute cluster fuck of a mess Trump made of the pandemic. But also, thank god my family has been healthy and safe. The level of fear for their safety was at an all-time high as civil tensions grew when the riots around the country kicked off in conjunction with the pandemic. I wrote to all of them to have a plan to escape to Mexico and get their passports if Trump won the re-election. This was a genuine fear I’ve never experienced before.

The level of frustration, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, self-hatred for lack of productivity during lockdown, and uncertainty about so many facets of life weighed down on me during this time. But I know how much worse our time could have been. I was immensely grateful for the fact that we had a home and incredibly gracious landlords who were human and understood the financial difficulties of this unprecedented time when so many became homeless as job loss skyrocketed. We were so fortunate that I was able to continue working even 2 days a week through the lockdown as a barista and Cam was able to get government support for six months as a NZ citizen who lived in AU over 10 years when so many other New Zealanders were forced to return to their country because of the time limit stipulation for support. We only had two family members contract Covid and were young and healthy enough to survive when so many families will be without a member at the holidays this year.

And I acknowledge my privilege in that my identity is so closely entwined with the ability to travel, that while it felt suffocating to not even have the choice to travel anywhere outside of a 5km (3mile) zone, I fully empathize with those in parts of the world where they could not walk more than 50 meters from their front door or people who didn’t have windows/balconies in apartment buildings who were going out of their mind. All of that does not diminish the struggles I faced with not being able to travel, but it does always keep my perspective in check. My trip today signifies how a city and a country came together during the most difficult period of our lifetime, followed strict government guidelines, and came out after 120+ days in full lockdown on the other side of a pandemic, now able to cross state borders without isolation or quarantine. To go to a live music show,  have drinks on rooftop bars, walk around outside without a mask on, and see people going about their daily lives again on public transport and see a city bustling with energy—the months of mental hardship and growth was all to get back to a post-Covid world. Even though a vaccine is not out yet and we need to be cautious, the level of hopelessness has diminished significantly, and I’m not terrified my trip might be cancelled in two hours. I’m actually going this time!

There is also a whole other facet to my time in lockdown and that of course is the personal development and mutual growth in my marriage! That’s a whole separate post though which I hope to get out soonish. But here’s a bit of something I started a few months ago. Enjoy.

 ********

I remember when it first started in the news; like a minor blip of a story flashing at the bottom of the screen: some mutant virus had infected a couple dozen people in some random city in China. I was working solo in a café serving the employees of a major shoe distribution company in the warehouse district of Collingwood, Melbourne. The TV was on in the cafe but muted the first few weeks of January as the main stories were about the most devastating wildfires in the history of the world, and we all just felt a communal helplessness. As the numbers grew in China and the story became a daily headline, the first case was announced in Queensland on January 25th. Everyone stuck around a few minutes longer each day after they were handed their coffee. I think back to the moment when Wuhan, the epicenter at the time, reported 1,500 cases and I thought surely there can’t be much more than that. This is just media sensationalizing something small. This whole story will blow over in another week or two.

If only.

It was summer in Australia, and my husband and I were planning what to do after our sublease was up in mid-March. I commuted daily from a suburb 50 minutes north called Eltham, a creative and eco-friendly heritage town. We lived in a triplex made of adobe mudbrick, surrounded by native forest, a communal garden, and enjoyed huge artisan windows that brought in natural filtered light through the towering trees. Our little studio was a quiet haven away from the chaos and constant flurry of people in Melbourne, especially during summer as it brought travelers from every corner of the globe. There was no way we could have possibly known that this little paradise would feel like a prison after six months in the world’s longest lockdown due to a global pandemic caused by that little virus in some random city in China now known worldwide as COVID-19.

As the weeks passed by in February, more and more countries began reporting cases. I did not understand how pandemics worked as the last one I was alive for and could remember was H1N1 in California, and I was about 17—far too consumed with college applications and boys to think about world affairs. The Spanish Flu was never something that was particularly emphasized in our history classes, so it didn’t even occur to me to compare what was happening now to that point in time. Then again, this was incomparable because in 1912, the world was a less globalized economy and there were no commercial flights transporting thousands of passengers across the globe daily. By the first week of March, my daily rush-hour commutes became the first real difference I noticed. The number of morning passengers on the train platforms dwindled from 50 to 25 to 5, and eventually, to just me. As the train stopped at over 30 stops from where I lived to the city, my carriage wasn’t even remotely full at 7 a.m.

There was less foot traffic in the city. Flinders Street Station, one of the two largest hubs that saw thousands of people daily, was eerily quiet and empty. We were two weeks out from leaving Melbourne to go travel, planning to go to New South Wales, AU to help rebuild communities that were ravaged by the bushfires. I was desperate to travel this year, and we were so close to leaving. I had picked up some other barista work in an advertising agency closer to the city. But day by day, office workers were being told to work from home if they were able to. Hand sanitizer became readily available in the café, bathrooms, and around the office. I remember staring out the window of this high rise building that overlooked the lush green stretch of Albert Park and thinking it looks so normal outside. Every day, I looked at the news in Australia, which I had never really done before. Industries were shutting down, and the panic was setting in for thousands of casual workers in the hospitality industry as it was only a matter of time before we would be shut down too.

Melbourne is a cultural hub filled with travelers who typically come here on a Work and Holiday Visa which gives them 1-2 years to work and live in AU. Most find work in hospitality as there are over 40,000 restaurants and cafes in this region. You couldn’t go a single day without meeting someone from another country which is why I fell in love with this city. I worked as a freelance barista through agencies that called for workers to be able to step in if someone called out sick or quit unexpectedly and they found themselves short. But my agencies had gone completely silent in the week leading up to the industry shutting down. There was no more work and travelers were finding themselves stranded. I journaled daily in the lead up to my final day of work in the city as I knew something big was happening, and I wanted to be able to recall when it all began. I also knew we would not be travelling anytime soon, around Australia or otherwise, when national and international borders began closing around the world.

 March 17th, 2020

All that’s being talked about is COVID-19. Entire countries are closing borders and going into complete lockdown. Italy has been inundated with patients in hospitals and now have to choose who lives and who dies. AU isn’t taking nearly as intense of measures, but the general atmosphere is not normal. All events with over 500 people have been cancelled. Those who have traveled anywhere must self-quarantine for 14 days or face a huge fine. Some people still don’t take it seriously, thinking/acting like it’s just a normal flu when in reality its ability to be passed on and even re-infect someone a second time is much higher than the rate of a simple flu. In the states, my family says all the restaurants and schools have closed, even the Hollywood entertainment industry has closed down. So many independent contractors, myself included, are without means to live because there’s no emergency government funding in place. It shows what’s truly flawed with the system. Luckily Cam has full time work still, but for those people who have kids and no daycare options? No partner or family? Those who are traveling and can’t get back home? This is devastating for all of us, but them in particular. Supposedly, there are rumors that the virus dies with the warm weather, but AU is headed into winter. It could be why the virus isn’t as big in places like South America and Africa (*note* countries from these two continents are now in the top 10 most infected places as of September 2020) Europe is completely shut down as is New Zealand. I have flights to California in June, so I’m hoping I can still go. For how weak my immune system is, I’m surprised I’m not more concerned because I’ve been continuously reassured the virus only attacks those with underlying conditions, mainly in the elderly population. Even in calm, tight-knitted communities like ours in Eltham, we’re seeing the best and worst of humanity come out with people hoarding resources, but also there are those offering rides for people to stores or grocery drop offs to their homes. I’m very interested to see how the next three months progress all around the world. Right about now, it’d be nice to hide away in a beachside house in Mexico. (*Mexico is also among the top 10 most infected countries now*)

March18th, 2020

The government should announce today whether hospitality industry will close, potentially putting Cam and I both out of jobs. Luckily our landlord is being highly accommodating. Trump is giving Americans $1,200 and has postponed tax season by 3 months. Only seems he does something decent when it’s to keep the economy from tanking and his money is protected.

Cam and I both have throat annoyances and headaches. We should try to stay home, but can’t afford it. Today, they’ve dropped gatherings of 500 down to only 100 people, yet shopping centers and public transport remain open, which I would think are the riskiest places for transferring infections. It’s been stated this is a once in a decade event that will change the course of history.

 March 19th, 2020

Amidst all the chaos from morning to night, people are finally taking time to nurture their interests and creativity. I’m taking two courses on sustainable fashion and fashion in design. I’ve also applied to be a mentor for women trying to gain work and leadership experience at an NGO called Fitted for Work. They have stylists that help women to prepare business outfits and tailor their resumes/do mock interviews. I’ve looked into an MA program I’m interested in at Warren Wilson College back in North Carolina. I think looking forward is the only way to keep the fear down about how long these shut downs may last possibly through June. The world economy is going to see some extremely confronting realities it hasn’t seen since the Great Depression. For the moment I’m looking into teaching English online which I’m already certified to do, just to try and earn some money. I’ll be interested to see all the art that comes out of this period and the photojournalism that captures this historic time.

 March 21st, 2020

We went over to Williamstown (Cam’s parent’s house) as Cam had two shifts out that way. Restrictions in cafes are now 1 person per 4 square meters, so in the 100 person limit already imposed, it’s now down to 25. I’m nervous for Cam to keep working and going on public transport. It’s high risk and unethical in terms of coming in contact with people we could transmit it to without knowing (asymptomatic) because it takes 14 days to even show symptoms. We made the choice to start self-isolation come Monday as we can see in the next week or two the same spike will be here in Melbourne as we’ve seen in Italy and most likely soon to see in the U.S. Reading other peoples’ accounts about how they continued life as normal as though nothing had changed in Italy is exactly where AU is projected to head towards.

 March 25, 2020

As of Monday, AU took drastic measures to ensure safety and closed many non-essential businesses with a series of daily updates for more and more businesses to shut or only stay open for takeaway. Overnight, nearly 80,000 people in hospitality work were laid off or lost work, Cam and I included. A stimulus package of 66 billion dollars was announced and Cam qualified for government payments through Centrelink because he’s a kiwi who’s been here over 10 years. Other kiwis who haven’t been here that long are completely without any kind of support from the AU government, even though in NZ, Aussies are supported. A very backward, selfish system who told them to go home.

We went to Centrelink on Monday at 7:45am in Greensborough (suburb over from Eltham). By 8:30 am when the doors opened there were over 200 people in line. The government has been terribly confusing with their messages out to the public, highly unprepared. People are confused about what they can and can’t do, what businesses are remaining open, who is eligible… it’s a mess. Why are liquor stores and hair salons considered essential?? There have been spikes in young people getting this virus as young as 18, and they are dying. The virus coats your lungs like a jelly ultimately blocking oxygen. We did what is hopefully our last grocery shop because being in the store is just as contagious as a café. There’s no safety or hygiene measures in place. We had gloves on and people were dancing around each other in the aisles to maintain 1.5m social distance.

The U.S. is becoming the new epicenter with horrific rapid spreading, particularly in New York. Flight around the world, including as of today AU, are being stopped and we can no longer leave the country at all.

  To Be Continued…..

[kimuramasaya]

get to know me better // tagged by @thedumplingincident

answer questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to get to know better

name: rachel

pronouns: she/her

star sign: taurus

height:  5′5″

time: 5:15pm

birthday: may 6

favorite bands: lord huron, bts, tomorrow x together, vampire weekend, glass animal

song stuck in your head: got7′s thursday, page, and teenager have all been on a steady repeat this week

last movie: to all the boys i’ve loved before. i have a soft spot for this series since i too have a white dad and an asian mom and am close with my sisters.

last series: great british bake off

when i created this blog: either late 2011 or early 2012 who knows

last thing i googled: something related to my job

other blogs: nope all my hyperfixations are in one place

do i get asks: before i disappeared for three-ish years i did but not really anymore. pretty much all of my old mutuals from before i vanished are inactive or deactivated

why i chose this url: lord huron is my fave band and ben schneider is the singer/founding member (i also have a tattoo of lord huron lyrics in his hand writing)

following: 280 (i recently unfollowed a TON of inactive blogs)

followers: 637 i am surprised that there are this many still with me after disappearing for three years and pivoting from a largely comedy/indie music blog to predominately kpop but i bet most are inactive

average hours of sleep: 5-6 on a weekday and 10 on a weekend

what i’m wearing: athletic shorts and an oversized tshirt

dream trip: oh man there are so many. iceland. japan. australia. new zealand. alaska. i love to travel and this pandemic is really messing with my plans

favorite food: i have a terrible sweet tooth so cookies, cakes, and brownies are the way to my heart

nationality: american

favorite song: i think ur a contra by vampire weekend. i love the syncopation and ezra koenig’s falsetto and it’s just an all around a vibe

top 3 fictional universes: uhh i guess lord of the rings (would love to live in the shire). the night circus (i want to visit some of the tents in the circus). atla (bending always looks so cool)

i’ll just tag @alrightyaphroditie but if any of my followers do this, please tag me so i can see!

[tessmontyart]

2020 year in review

It’s funny, last year I never actually got around to doing one of these. I didn’t think it was overly interesting. Oh 2019, how I miss you so 😭Such an innocent time ....

I’ll do a quick recap, cause hey no-one but me reads these anyway. 2019 was a glorious time. I went to Italy for the first time, went on an awesome Hunter Valley trip with my friends, had a 100th birthday celebration for my pop, I got to see the show I worked on air on TV, we saw the Lano and Woodley apartment in Melbourne .... Good times!

I didn’t give a rats about being unemployed and took matters into my own hands by making loads of new merch and selling at the most conventions I’ve ever been to. I tabled at Sydney Supanova, Adelaide Avcon, Sydney SMASH, Coffs Nexus Con, Sydney Oz Comic Con and Brisbane Supanova! I did so much travelling and events, it became my full time job. It was exhausting, but it was loads of fun, it paid the bills nicely, and it was wonderful to meet followers and mutuals in person.

My partner was very invested in counting up the numbers of what was selling and what wasn’t, and taking note of what was inconvenient with my setup and how to make it better. He even made a powerpoint presentation on what I could focus on for 2020, what kind of merch I could focus on and adding more conventions to my list. We were both excited about the idea of trying out Armageddon in New Zealand, which would have been my first overseas convention!

Cue 2020.

It started off uneasy. There were still bushfires everywhere and smoke hanging around, but I was optimistic they would die soon and the rest of the year would be fine. I booked a bunch of conventions early as usual. Got a whole bunch of new things made and ordered for the first convention of the year, Melbourne Supanova in early April. Some Acrylic charms didn’t make it in time because of COVID, but I thought that’s ok I still have a whole years worth of conventions to sell them at!

COVID-19 was just a spooky mysterious thing that was happening overseas at that point. I think there might have been 1 case in Australia, so all the toilet paper and hand sanitizer was sold out, but we were still able to do our usual travelling for the event. Little did I know, Melbourne Supanova was the first and last event I could do in 2020.

COVID hit Australia hard, Melbourne especially. There were lockdowns, quarantines, planes were grounded, airmail was halted, the cases kept multiplying, rules kept changing and changing and it was all so new and such a headache. Seeing every single convention I had booked cancel one after the other was hard to process. This was my main source of income in 2019 and now it’s up and vanished. Everyone were losing their jobs too, so the idea of getting a new job was completely out the window. 

I tried to cheer myself up by drawing ‘Toilet Paper Chan’, my new magical girl character who has the ability to summon toilet paper in a time of need 😅

I made it into a Draw This In Your Style challenge, seeing as everyone was bored out of their minds in quarantine I hoped it was something people could pass the time and have fun making. 

(here’s a handful of my favourites) I had a few entries which were all very adorable, but I admit not as many people joined as I expected. I don’t blame them though, this whole pandemic was very soul sucking and demotivating, especially hearing the constant stream of bad news when it all started.

I also made some lineart of a cute Easter girl, encouraging people to colour her in if they are bored in quarantine.

That was really fun, and I planned to do more, perhaps whole colouring books for a small price to download. 

Then, out of nowhere, my friend from the last animation studio I worked at in 2018 contacted me. “Hey Tess, are you looking for work?”

“Um .... yes?”

Work? In 2020? What?

It turns out the animation industry is one of the only industries that are doing fine in the pandemic. Literally the only change is that animators have to work from home instead of at a studio. If you have the animation software and an internet connection you have everything you need.

So my good friend had recently scored this job for a studio which outsources all their animation for their animated TV series. The role is just fixing up any animation errors inhouse to minimize the amount of back-and-fourth between studios. It doesn’t sound like much but it became too big a job for just one dude to handle, so he contacted me and 2 of my other animation friends to help out. We had a ball!

It was loads of fun, and the contract lasted the whole year! 

It wasn’t just fixing up errors either, I got to animate walking/ running / jumping / flying cycles for the overseas animators to use, which was great practice for me, and we even had a whole episode to ourselves to animate from scratch which I really enjoyed.

And then ... the year just flew by, because I was busy working the whole time. It was really quite surreal!

There were a few highlights, such as being a bridesmaid for my best friend’s wedding and organising her hens party, which is one of those once-in-a-lifetime things.

(Hens Party - it was yellow themed (her favourite colour) and High Tea.. it was adorable!)

(The bridesmaids and the bride on the Wedding Day)

Unfortunately there were some lowlights too ... This was the last year I got to see my aunt. 

She was the craziest, funniest aunt, and still far too young to go. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be the same without her.

As always, drawing is the only way I cope with anything. My family chose a plain wooden casket, encouraging everybody to write a message or draw something on it, before it would be sent to the crematorium. I drew Spotty, her awesome horse I remember from my childhood, surrounded by her favourite flowers. Monty draw Mingus, her awesome ferret we also remember from our childhood.

That wasn’t the only bad news either. Pat’s Grandpa passed away later in the year, and a handful of my friends had relatives who either passed away or were diagnosed with cancer or some other horrible life threatening disease. A musician who collaborated with favourite artist collaborated passed as well, and even though I didn’t know him personally, it was still horribly devastating. Not to mention all my friends/relatives pets who didn’t make it through 2020. There was just so much loss this year, and I’m still grieving my cousin and my friend’s mum who both passed last year, it’s getting harder and harder to cope. It’s gotten to the point where I’m paranoid about who the next person will be because I haven’t finished grieving the last ... 

All I can say is I hope 2021 is a little kinder when it comes to my loved ones. The small light at the end of the tunnel is; any suicidal thoughts I used to have frequently have all completely vanished, because I’ve been faced with the reality of it all. You really don’t realise how many people love you, people you don’t even know.

...

That was very dark, but it’s definitely something I needed to get off my chest.

Lets go back to a much lighter note. 

More highlights: 

🌻Animal Crossing New Horizons came out this year! I used to play Wild World back in the day so it was wonderfully nostalgic, and me and Pat have made the cutest little town with all our favourite villagers. It’s a nice way to escape from it all ^_^

(Monty’s island when we started)

🌻Speaking of games, the brand new Crash Bandicoot came out this year too! It was actually jaw droppingly amazing seeing all the awesome new ideas and mechanics they came up with while still keeping it classicly Crash. I loved it and I’m so excited to see if they give Spyro the same treatment!

🌻2020 brought about new and interesting ways to still enjoy Live entertainment. Lano and Woodley did a Zoom show which was absolutely hilarious, and Lights did an amazing online Dead End show which had me so pumped!

🌻Pat and I continued our anniversary High Tea tradition, this time trying it out at the Hydro Majestic hotel in the Blue Mountains!

🌻Speaking of Pat, his sister got married this year too, despite the pandemic. Congratulations!

🌻Pat randomly bought a Miku figure for himself, out of the blue, completely unravelling years of unnecessary ‘shame’ I’ve inherited caused by a pushy mother and a crappy ex. I used to love figure collecting but was convinced by certain judgy people that it was stupid and I needed to sell them all. I kept my very favourites in a cupboard ‘just incase they increase in value’. But now I can finally display them all again knowing Pat loves them just as much as I do!

We also added a ton more to the collection to make up for lost time (and because there’s SO MANY CUTE MIKUS NOWADAYS)

It’s a bit messy because we recently got new ones and need to make more space for them. The shelf with the Vocaloid nendoroids were my original ones hidden away in the cupboard, the rest we got this year ^_^ They make me so happy!

🌻Speaking of Pat unlocking things I’ve always wanted to do in the past: I am now planning to revive my old OCs Yui and Lotto! They were just characters of mine back in the day, but since I’m not good writing I never really came up with a story for them. But with Pat’s writer wisdom and my kawaii art style, I’m now planning a webcomic featuring the two cuties ^_^ It’s still in the very early planning stages but I’m super excited, and forever grateful for Pat, for believing in me ;w;

🌻This year I drew 31 more Owl City songs in copic markers, to go towards my ongoing project to draw every song! I’m actually getting quite close to my goal now which is exciting! 

🌻This year I went to a Drive-In movie theatre for the first time to see the new Bill and Tedd movie, it was glorious and now I wanted to try more drive-ins. Going out to see a movie on a big screen *without* being able to hear smart-asses or screaming babies? Yes please!!

🌻How could I forget, this was the year my idol noticed me!! Lights shared and retweeted my Deadend fanart! Life = made.

What to to look forward to in 2021:

This is the first New Year where I actually have an idea of how 2021 will go! I managed to secure another animation job at a new studio starting January, ending January 2022 😊So thats the financial security for this year sorted! :P

As for general goals for 2021;

I’m hoping to have a decent plan, concept art, chapter ideas and hopefully even a script done for my new webcomic! I also wanted to make some cute simple animations of the characters just because c:

I’d also like to just do more of my own animation in general ... I animate every day for work but I never get to do my own animated projects. It will be hard with a full time job, so maybe this can be a 2022 goal ... but hopefully I can do at least one little animation of my own!

I suppose another goal is to make a social media accounts for my animation, too. Even if I don’t fulfil my goal, I still would like a page to showcase everything I’ve done so far.

And if all else fails .... Another goal is to draw more Miku. It’s crazy that I love her this much and haven’t drawn any fanart!

I think I’ll leave it there because I’m babbling now. 😅

I’ve done so many of these now o_o

[2018] [2017] [2016] [2015] [2014] [2013] [2012]

[bridgingdimensions]

Yes! The trip is going to include 7 people from all over the US (and one from Australia). I've been planning it since I got the idea in late 2018, and started planning full-force in 2019. It was the reason we started the online store to raise funds, and the idea was to go to on a cross-country road trip from Arizona to Point Pleasant, West Virginia to the annual Mothman Festival (I believe the festival got started in 2002 and has happened almost every year since).

Plans were kind of thrown off in 2020, given the pandemic, and the fest was cancelled, and a lot of stops on the road trip have since closed down, so I've had to rework a big bulk of the route. So during my free time I've been planning everyone's flights, hotel rooms, campgrounds, and finding other small fun stops to litter our time on the road before September.

Or at least I WOULD be making progress planning this stuff out, if I could focus haha

Oh, you're booking everything for the trip then. Good luck on the planning. I would think aside from transportation and hotels though, you must have plenty of time to book different stops along the road.

Of course, I may be a little out of touch considering the forty year difference and having never planned a trip with that many people before. Perhaps by just a sliver of a degree.

Would I be familiar with anyone else on the trip?

[txthearteu]

extra long tag game (aka a tmi that no one particularly cares for)

tagged by @soobindipity​ 🥰 thank you bb 😌❤️

tagging @btxtreads​​ @choisoobinie​​ @unlocktxt​​ @bffsoobin (this one is long so feel free not to do it ahahahaksksksks)

note: i found the breakers somewhere here in tumblr but i forgot who the owner is, so full credits to whoever owns these breakers

ONE

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

of course it’s their debut song Crown. I have to admit, I listened to them not because i discovered them but because of the whole “bighit is releasing another boy group” fiasco. people thought the hype would die down, i did too, but to this day the boys never failed me. they consistently made me happy with the content they gave out for everyone to enjoy. also adding, i think i’m attracted to them more (compared to their seniors) since they’re around my age– something in which i feel like i can relate to (in terms of the content they put out, or the jokes, etc)

TWO

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

becoming a music artist (pop star) 😔

if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

travel to Japan and explore the place 😩

what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

chopsticks hahahahaha because i usually eat using the spoon and fork when i eat out 

favourite type of plushies and why?

anything twotuckgom related! they’re so soft and convenient because of the size. i also kinda wanna buy the bolsters 👀

favourite song right now?

i don’t have any but if you ask what i’ve been jamming to i’d say its city girls by chris brown

something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

producing music, japanese, korean, hacking 

tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

so in the city where i live, there are places in which the canals don’t have any stoppers. i saw this kid walking with his family alongside these canals and he was just vibing with the song he was singing to. he was so into the song he was singing that he missed a step and he kinda slipped and fell in to the canal (don’t worry though there weren’t any serious injuries) and i swear it was a funny sight 

headphones or speakers? why?

headphones! when the opportunity is present then i’d listen to my music with no outside noise

craving any food right now? what are you craving?

corndogs 👀

which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

spotify since i’m on spotify family 

😌✌️

questions from eri to me:

what’s the best trip/vacation you’ve ever had?

the vacation i had in Japan last year! 10 days never felt so short in my life and i was planning to go back earlier this year but you know...’rona....

do you have any random fears/phobias? if yes, what are they?

i’m the toughest gal everyone knows but i get really creeped out by butterflies or bugs. i also get scared with inanimate objects that look like a human being when it’s laying still in the dark, i’m scared of mirrors as well HAHA.

weirdest food you’ve ever eaten?

worms

do you have any hidden talents? what can you do?

i can curl my tongue into what seems to resemble a three-leafed clover. i can also mimic voices well and, from what my friends said, i could actually dance well and im super fast in picking up choreography hahaha (ok but it’s what they said okay)

what is an activity you’d like to try out someday?

biking/hiking/camping :> 

when did you get your first phone and what type of phone was it?

i think it was back in 4th grade and it was the famous nokia 3310 

what is a movie you never get tired of watching?

flipped!

biggest pet peeve?

 i absolutely get annoyed when someone tries to rush me and by the time i’m ready, they haven’t readied themselves

earliest childhood memory?

i put sand in this ice-cream-cone-looking rock, and i ate the sand thinking it tasted like ice cream

as a child, what did you want to be? what about now?

a music artist (pop star), until now that’s still my dream but unfortunately, i had to be “practical” 

✌️😌

questions from me to you:

android or apple? why?

words of affirmation or physical affection? why?

bean bag or rocking chair? why?

do you view a half-filled glass as half-full or half-empty or an in-between? why? (go as deep as you can)

if someone were to grant your wish right now, what would it be and why?

if someone were to give you anything you want right now, what would it be and why? (something that can be held)

favorite season and why

what made you enter tumblr?

are you happy with where you are in life right now? why or why not?

to see the boys in real life but for it to happen only once in your lifetime, or to meet the boys via online fan meeting as many times as you can in your lifetime? why?

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people

.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

PERSONAL

name: -

nickname: cj

birthday: oct 12

zodiac: libra

nationality: filipino

languages: english, filipino (and my dialect), lil teeny bit or korean and japanese kskskskksks

gender: female

sexuality: straight

height: 5'1 and a half (spare me the half pls im trying to act tall)

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: --

meaning behind my url: to put it simply, i love txt

blog established: start of quarantine

followers: 43 lovely followers! 

FAVORITES

favourite animals: do you know cat and dog?

favourite books: anarchy by styleslegend (swear i've been hyping it since my 1d days) ; the tale of heidi by johanna spyri

favourite colour: yellow/brown/black (can’t choose)

favourite fictional characters: hulk, hinata shoyo, tomoe (from kamisama kiss)

favourite flower: i don’t have any ahahahhaha

favourite scent: mens perfume/deoderant

favourite season: spring

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 6-9

cats or dogs: (i love them both but i really love dogs but i just wanna hug them both because i love both cats and dogs)

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: coffee is my go to energizer, for some chill time i’d go for hot choco

current time: 22:34

dream trip: japan(again)/australia/europe 😩

dream job: music artist 😔

hobbies: playing instruments [violin piano ukelele sometimes guitar and drums], listening to music, writing songs, beatboxing

hogwarts house: slytherin 

last movie watched: oh dear god i cant remember HAHA

last song listened to: bbibbi by iu

no. of blankets you sleep with: 1

random fact(s): if given the chance again, i’d combine mint choco and bubblegum ice cream; when i’m bored i try to re-read all my past lessons AHAHAHAHAHA; currently in a 5-year relationship akshsskskssjsjduskgkad

FIVE

10 things I can’t stop listening to

city girls - chris brown, young thug

angel or devil - tomorrow by together

paradise - bts

zombie - day6

see you again - tyler the creator, kali uchis

dally - hyolyn, gray

love - kendrick lamar, zacari

redemption (with babes wodumo) - kendrick lamar, zacari

pyramids - frank ocean

all in - monsta x