#I was not expecting this to happen in an irl convo I was not expecting to be thrusted back into 2014 TT0TT

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Me: *talking about the older Disney Princess movies and how I'm re-watching them* Someone: Oh yeah, but man those older ones, the OG 3? They were horrible representation for wom- Me:

Me: Speak not another word, lest we get thrusted back into the good year of 2014. This is why Frozen gagged y'all, cause people had that antiquated and twisted mindset of something that doesn't exist.

[eviltext]

“we swear we’re not blowing you off, we just can’t go these days, i swear we really want to” . bitch this is the third time at this point. whatver. im gonna tell you i believe youbbut i stg if i ever reach out to u myself again im gonna kill myself

[snekdood]

i think its really weird and unnecessary to unload your life stories and traumas on a streamer unless its specifically in a context where thats asked for or mentioned its ok to do? idk im just watching old streams of someones and ppl keep going on about how bad everything in their life is and that the streams are the only thing keeping them going on like whats supposed to be a lighthearted minecraft stream....??? tf is going on sdghvdsvgh

[its-your-mind]

Tbh I??? Really love these Bell’s Hells Company Retreat Activities???? Bc like. It’s not like any of them have been overly cagey this whole time, or actively hiding big secrets from each other. (someone at some point mentioned how BUCKwild it would have been to watch the M9 try to play What The Fuck Is Up With That within the first ten episodes of c2, with all the shit all of them were hiding and how much their early relationships were based on a mutual understanding that no one would expect each other to bring up the past unless it became a danger - the only one who ever poked that particular bear was Beau with Caleb at the start when she traded access to the Archive for the reason why Caleb gets fucked up by fire, and that private conversation shaped their relationship for the rest of the campaign BUT I digress.)

Nothing anyone confessed during the Honesty exercise was… a surprise. The only one who hadn’t shared the entirety of his past (that he remembered) was Chetney, and his was never the past that felt like a threat - that revelation was more along the lines of FCG’s type of “tell me about your family trauma so I can fix you” line of questioning.

The truths the Hells offered up to each other… they were significant (Fearne, I was disappointed in you for being afraid of your power), and scary (deep down, both Delilah and I kind of want the shard), and hard to say out loud (even on the nights I bunk up with one of you, I feel so lonely), but critically, so little of it was surprising. No one was sharing anything earth-shattering about their pasts or previously unknown plans for future betrayal.

And during the Communication exercise - none of them - Chetney, Imogen, Ashton, or Orym - doubted that their directors were leading them the wrong way. They listened, and paid attention to instructions, and didn’t try their own path because they felt like they knew better.

And then during Trust! The part that should have been the hardest!! All of them were obviously distrustful of each other, shooting around stressed looks, sending familiars to dive-bomb to check for flesh, but like… none of them actually turned on each other. None of them ganged up, or broke off, or stood in opposition - they were wary of each other, and they got the task done.

So… it didn’t really lead to any huge shifts in the dynamic. But that was never really what they needed! The Hells have trusted each other since the beginning, and even when they’re actively having to fight each other, it’s always with a desperation born from a place of concern. They really do care for and love each other. I don’t think any of them, if they sat down to think about it, truly believed that one of them was going to betray the others.

But they haven’t had time to sit and think about it. They have been actively fighting the literal end of the world since like… ep 45 (first irl Ludinus sighting/convo). The apocalypse happened. Has been happening. For thirty episodes now. They spent a good chunk of that time apart from each other, and then the rest of it desperately reaching out to anyone with more power than themselves to beg for their help.

So yeah! It’s not a big surprise that they’re all bottling up a lot of their own shit right now! There aren’t that many personal issues that feel like they deserve more attention than the literal end of the world.

It was inevitable something was going to give. And since Ashton’s shit was up next for dissection because they had a past that brushed up against the Primordials? Of course they were the one whose internal lockdown broke first. And of course when it did, it physically shattered Ashton, too, right along those same fault lines where Milo put them back together the first time. It’s so good that they had friends who were there, past and present, to make sure none of the pieces got lost. To put them back together.

We watched Laudna break down right after, specifically because she was back home, in this place where Delilah had first tortured and killed her, where she had lived as a wraith haunting a castle. Delilah had been slowly picking the lock on the cage the Hells had forced her into, and Ashton’s “betrayal” was the last tumbler Delilah needed to snap into place to break the lock in Laudna’s mind. And her mind shattered, fragmented in the same way it had been after she was first brought back as Delilah’s vessel. How beautiful that it was Laudna’s love of children and her desire to make Ashton a gift (meant to be part insult, “because you’re a child,” and declaration of her care for him, “I like children.”)

And Fearne… Fearne almost broke down after them. Slamming the hammer down next to Ashton’s head over and over and over, screaming at him, wandering away through the city, sleeping alone in the woods… She saw the cliff’s edge coming. That’s why she asked them if they could stop at her Nana’s first.

Because she needed it. And the rest of the Hells say, “Why? Do you think Nana Morri can help us in this?” And Fearne says, “Well, I don’t know, but…” And Imogen says, “Do you need it for you?” And Fearne says, in a small and shattered voice, “…yes.”

And that’s the end of the discussion.

They go home, to a place where they are safe and have time, for the first time since Ruidus was locked in place.

And so they have time to be Honest - and they are. Fearne likes to watch them all and play with their hair while they sleep. Orym has thought through how he would neutralize them if he absolutely had to. Ashton thinks it would be better for him to be dead than for Fearne to be hurt. Imogen is scared to face her mom. Laudna dreams of leaving this behind. FCG is jealous of the people around him with a heart, because they have possibilities he doesn’t. Chetney hasn’t settled down once in 400 years because he’s scared he’s cursed to drive away any family he has.

Behind all of this - I want to know everything about you. I need to make sure you don’t hurt each other. I would sacrifice myself to keep you from pain. I don’t want to choose between my blood and this family we’ve built. I want you all to be safe. I want you to pursue happiness. I don’t want to lose you.

And then, Communication - follow along this path. Listen to my voice. Keep calm, keep quiet. Stay the course. I will keep you safe. Keep walking, keep walking, and… you’re there, honey.

And finally, Trust. Two of them are going to be replaced by fae beings bent on preventing them from completing their mission, and they have to complete this task without letting the infiltrators stop them. Okay. Let’s all stick together. Keep eyes on each other. Wait for the doppelgängers to give themselves away somehow. Do you remember these small, banal details about our mutual history? There’s a possibility that action you took was malicious, but I know you well enough to know that might have been a mistake you made on your own. Here, I’ll walk into traps to show that I’m not going to stop you. I’ll get out of your way and take out the threats. I’ll be eyes in the sky and send my familiar to poke you to test if you feel like you should. But nothing you’re doing makes me see you as a real threat - just the possibility of one. I trust you. I trust in you. I trust myself to know enough about you to identify if you’re doing something differently than normal.

And the result of those exercises? No new information, but maybe some things that we all had lost track of amongst the chaos. I am not shocked by your Honesty. I know deep down that I can rely on your Communication. I do Trust you. I know you. I care for you. I know you care for me, too. Even when I have doubts, even when you fuck up, even when things break bad and you make the wrong call…

We are a team for a reason, and no matter what we said in the beginning, it is not just out of necessity or convenience. Are we a bunch of fucked up, broken people? Absolutely. Are we going to continue to fuck up? Probably. Does that change how we feel about each other? No. Never. As long as you’ll have me, I’ll be here, fighting alongside you. Helping you up when you stumble. Offering a shoulder when you need to cry. Standing over you to protect you if you fall. Laughing with you in good times, kicking ass for you in bad. This is our family, damn it. It is strange, and broken, but it is ours, and it is good.

[dreaaspeaks]

How Tokio Hotel members would be in Hogwarts

idk why no one has thought of this but thanks to my irl, this idea has been rotting away at my brain (these ain't my gifs ya'll)

Bill Kaulitz

I know some people might disagree but Bill is a Slytherin, HEAR ME OUT

he is ambitious, cunning and highly persuasive

He is definitely one of those students that no one really knows why at face value why he got into his house

People presume, if he isn't in uniform, that he is a Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw

He takes his passions and ambitions very seriously and is willing to overwork both himself and sometimes unintentionally, the people around him to reach his goals

I feel like he hates potions and transfiguration but loves more easy going subjects like Care for Magical Creatures and Divination

He probably likes the idea of Defence Against the Dark Arts but hates the amount of essays required

Bill took Astronomy because it looked and sounded cool but after he saw the graph paper on his table during the first lesson, he has been trying to drop it ever since

No one believes that him and Tom are related let alone twins, people just thought that their last names were a coincidence

Very personable so I think he would be quite popular amongst students but his dislike for too much authority doesn't make him too popular amongst professors teaching subjects he doesn't like

Professors teaching subjects he is passionate about however, LOVE HIM

always doing random extra studies just because he wanted to and for extra credit

The type to not study and fail for subjects he hates

But will still pass even if he didn't study when it comes to subjects he likes

Likes to watch Quidditch matches to support his friends but will rather die than get on a broom

Barely passed Flying in first year

Is that one friends that knows everything about everyone in Slytherin and surprisingly, Hufflepuff (why? even he's not sure)

Has gotten so many detentions because of going against dress code

He bedazzled his robe and tie with fabric pens, bleach and rhinestones and never changed them back no matter how many warnings he got

He got asked to the yule ball by a Beaubatoux boy and istg Bill laughed at first thinking it was a joke

When he realised the guy was fr he said he would think about it and get back to him

He literally put off thinking about it until Tom and Georg sat him down to talk about it so he could finally make a decision

Bill said yes to the date literally three days before the ball but mumbled it so fast and left so fast that Gustav had to repeat what Bill said to the boy

Tom Kaulitz

Tom would be a Gryffindor.

Do I need to elaborate?

okay I probably should

He is less outwardly warm compared to Bill but he is more reliable

Tom is a loyal mf especially when it comes to his friends

However, he is in Gryffindor because he is very much willing to take a leap of faith

He is impulsive when it comes to a lot of things especially when it comes to school life

Went to Quidditch tryouts during second year as a dare from Georg and Bill with neither expecting him to do well

Bitch came out of tryouts with a Quidditch uniform and an inflated ego

Plays chaser for Quidditch team, pretty good player and uses Quidditch practice as an excuse to put off every other subject

"Why isn't the essay finished? It was due three days ago"

"Quidditch practice..."

that convo happened on the last week of school and he fully thought the Professor would buy it

To say he sucks at Potions is an understatement

When he found out he could drop potions in 6th year he ran a lap around the Gryffindor common room

He goes to every house party and gets absolutely smashed

SO.MANY.RUMORS

He is surrounded by rumors, literally unless they are in his inner circle, no one really knows what is true or fake when it comes to Tom

People think he is some mean asshole that pushes people away from Bill but in reality he is just protective when it comes to who Bill mixes with since Bill is in Slytherin

Plays the student population's need to drama well so he is a traditionally popular type of guy

At some point he ends up ACTUALLY liking a girl and everyone doesn't recognise him, like he is stumbling over himself and begging to do projects for just a slight chance to do the project with her

Starts to show off more during Quidditch games like tries to do tricks

almost falls off his broom but he will deny it and swear to Merlin that he meant to slip off the broom

Georg Listing

he is a Ravenclaw you cannot change my mind

He isn't like the nerdy super studious type of Ravenclaw (but really is any Raven though?)

He is the seven cups of coffee in the morning, two hours of sleep a night and getting constantly distracted by small side topics when studying type of Ravenclaw

off topic but I think he would be a muggle born who just adjusted really quickly to wizard life??

He would be into Defence Against the Dark Arts and charms like the hands on subjects mixed with essays

He HATES herbology, he could never keep the plants alive no matter how hard he tried

No one thinks he studies like everyone writes him off as the guy who didn't study because he doesn't do homework but he does really well in tests

Horrible credit

Great grades

Georg doesn't really speak up in class unless necessary and I see him falling asleep during Astronomy class

Like when his voice dropped after puberty people didn't even realise it was him talking because he talked so little in class

OUTSIDE OF CLASS HOWEVER

he parties just as much as Tom but stays more sober just incase they come across Professors

Georg plays Beater for Ravenclaw after he was asked to go to tryouts

When Tom and Georg are on the field together it is a bloodbath, Georg targets Tom and only Tom

One of those lowkey popular students, think Cedric Diggory

always helping the guys study and convincing them to at least study a bit

He isn't a sought after guy as a tutor but will accept to help anyone if asked

Kinda scary looking and isn't as open as Bill nor as big a party animal as Tom so he isn't approached very often by younger students tbh kinda feared for no reason, Gustav makes fun of him about it a lot

When it comes to dating at Hogs he is very straightforward, think how Fred asked Angelina

Romantic enough for it to be endearing but not too much for it to be creepy to a random cute girl yk?

Is definitely a Quidditch player boyfriend if you get where I'm going like will make the girl wear his jersey at his game and would magically become a better player after getting into a r/s

Gustav Schafer

I know people will argue that he is a Hufflepuff but like bffr have you actually seen how he acts on Tokio Hotel TV??

Gustav would be a Gryffindor

He would be a Gryffindor in like a Dean Thomas kinda way

If Tom was Cormac, Gustav would be Dean

Becomes besties with the House Elves during first year because he got lost on the way to potions

Never went to Bill's dorm because he is scared shitless of the Black Lake and that damn squid

the muggle born that never got used to magic

Like he would be sorting out his trunk or cleaning his house and halfway through he remembers he went to fucking magic school for 7 years

BIG Quidditch fan

Paints his face and has merch like the whole nine yards

If Tom misses ONE shot during a game, he would not hear the end of it from Gustav for like a month

Refuses to use a quill

Will straight up in front of a Professor use a pen

He would not get an owl, Georg talks so much shit about it because they can't write to each other the 'aesthetic' way

Gustav just gives people his email/number

Naturally with that he isn't the best in DADA or Transfigurations but he would be good in Herbology and Arithmancy

Throws Tom under the bus SO OFTEN

That's why everyone thinks he is so sweet and innocent, he would push Tom into the way of a Professor on the way back to the common room from a party

Sends Howlers to his friends as pranks

He doesn't know he's popular but he is popular and gets so many confessions every day but just shrugs them off

Like the confession letter could be from the hottest girl in their year and he would go

"Awe that's sweet"

AND MOVE ON

He is a sweetheart so he will ask a close friend to the Ball if he isn't interested in anyone

Even if he isn't interested in a romantic way he will still make it very cute and sweet to make his date feel special

If he is asking a girl on a actual date he would bring her to HoneyDukes and insist to pay for all her sweets

That's his big move, the HoneyDukes date (It's his thing)

(anyways so this is the first post of miiiine kinda long ngl)

[accala]

Gordon Freeman and "The Player" : A Theory

(Spoilers for HLVRAI & HLGTA)

It's interesting to note that at the start of the first HLVRAI stream, Gordon, or rather the player addresses the chat as if they were streaming a modded Half-Life VR game. And as the series progresses, the chat disappears. Gordon starts acting as if the events in Black Mesa were real, to the point he’s questioning his reality. Any allusions to video game mechanics is met with confusion and hysteria. And the real kicker is that Gordon starts feeling real pain in-game. And then there's that convo about the Science Team's dreams later on in the series—with Gordon’s dream being a streamer for JustinTV. As if he wasn't already a streamer at the start of HLVRAI.

Gordon and The Player as a Single Entity

(NOTE: I’ve heard that some members had little to no knowledge about Half-life when they streamed the series. I know they didn't expect the series to grow in popularity—that's why chat was present in previous streams. And I'm VERY aware that the plot's built from improv and duct tape. But bear with me here as I try to build something coherent from Gordon’s behavior throughout HLVRAI.)

I like to think that the player was slowly getting sucked into the game. Maybe the resonance cascade was the catalyst that made everything real to the player—the reason why they could feel pain.

The player and Gordon were slowly melding together as one entity—Gordon's and the player's memories started meshing together. That's why Gordon mentions his wish to be a streamer, despite as the player, he already is one. That's why Gordon confidently says he has a son named Joshua, even though in canon he doesn't exist—Joshua being a part of the player's memories. Or why they mention going to MIT for theoretical physics, even though this info is part of canon Gordon's backstory.

Sure. This could be a player, who has little knowledge of Half-life, “roleplaying” as Gordon in order to play the game (as they mentioned at the start of the first stream). But when you start feeling sensation from drowning, monsters, gunshots, and getting your arm chopped off, why would you go through great lengths to stay “in-character”? Why bother roleplaying when it's clear that the game's broken? Why continue being Gordon Freeman?

I think, at a certain point in the series, the Player became Gordon and Gordon became the Player.

Despite Gordon's memories overtaking the player, I do think they were the bigger influence here. Gordon's personality in this series was based of the player, in which their choices were mostly influenced from.

The Player as Themselves

[DISCLAIMER: For the rest of this post, I will be addressing "The Player" as "Wayne" (and mentioning Holly), since Gnome Chompski talks about them in-universe. I am in NO WAY talking about the IRLs in this context. HLGTA implies that wayneradiotv's channels are canon in the HLGTA universe. However, HLGTA is yet to be confirmed as canon in the HLVRAI universe—from what I know. For the sake of the rest of this post, I will be talking under the context that HLGTA is canon in the HLVRAI universe; and will mention “Wayne” and "Holly" as fictional counterparts of the real deal.]

And then there's the whole HLGTA series. It's clear that this time, the player is fully himself. And that the player IS Wayne. They even reference to the gnome that they’re not Gordon:

"Tell me about the time you saved the world, Gordon!" - Gnome Chompski

"The what? I'm not Gordon Freeman. That's not what this is. This is not HLVR. This is Half-Life: Alyx." - Wayne

[Half-life: Alyx but the Gnome is TOO AWARE (ACT 1 : PART 1) (29:45)]

The thing is, Wayne doesn't dispute that HLVRAI didn't happen, just that it's the wrong game. He even alludes to playing the game as Gordon, with the words "this is worse than Half-Life VR" in Act 1 Part 2. Wayne completely detaches himself from Gordon here, with how he's "wayneradiotv the streamer" not "Freeman the Black Mesa scientist.”

Those were just my observations. Whether or not this theory has any basis is up to your interpretation and the upcoming HL2VRAI.

The Gnome and Its Implications (Optional)

The gnome interchanges the name Wayne and Gordon, as if they knew that Wayne played as Gordon in the previous series. It's also self-aware (hah pun) of HLVRAI as a Youtube series and of Holly. This implies two things:

That HLVRAI was just roleplay in-universe, instead of actual AI gone wrong.

That Wayne was able to save the HLVRAI streams and upload it to Youtube despite the AI glitches. And that Holly voice-acted for the beta version of the Half-Life VR mod.

Honestly, I think these references were more of a meta call back to the previous series. But if we want to read TOO MUCH into the plot, then I'm leaning on the latter:

Wayne decided to test a beta version of a VR mod (in which Holly voice-acted in) on stream. Said VR mod turned glitchy, which led to getting sucked into the game and his mind fusing with Gordon. Then Gordon-Wayne formed a bond with the AIs and defeated gamer frat bro cthulhu in an epic battle sequence. Went to a Chuck E. Cheese party. Robbed some banks. And never met the AIs again. He proceeded to edit his salvaged streams and upload them into his Youtube channel.

He then went on to download a mod for his gnome run in HLAVR. This time, Wayne was fully himself, and continuing as a streamer. Said gnome was weirdly an amalgamation of the Science Team's (& Benrey's) personalities. Met another talking gnome but blue that got crushed by a garbage press. Carried Chompski till the end, until said gnome used his game fleshsuit to crossover to the real world.

(NOTE: Funny how a gnome was able to accomplish something that Dr. Coomer couldn't. Also sad if Gordon-Wayne was a real thing 'cause imagine reclaiming your identity, only for a baby midget gnome to take it away.)

If HLGTA does turn out to be canon, what does that mean for "Gordon" since Wayne has been turned into a gnome? Will it be "canon" Gordon this time? Will Gordon be different now that he's been influenced by Wayne, like how Wayne was influenced by Gordon?

It would be interesting to see a different-yet-similar Gordon for HLVRAI part two. Wayne as Alyx is a crack theory that kinda makes sense after HLGTA’s ending, with how Alyx was the last character he played as. But it’s likely that Gordon-Wayne will get a come back (Not sure how he’ll get de-gnomed though). HL2VRAI’s probable main premise could be Wayne finding his way back to the real world.

(Watch me get proven wrong. After HL2VRAI comes out, I’m gonna look like a clown)

[an-obsessed-cactus]

I think i may be asexual?!

(okay this got longer than expected and i wanted to stop talking cuz ppl won't read it if it's so long and then i realized I'm not here to please anybody and i just wanna process some stuff so. yeah. also i come to realizations farther down that contradict some stuff from the beginning but I'll just leave my whole thought process here)

fun. um. I've realized I'm not straight two years ago and then started learning more about all things LGBT related and think myself educated enough on this topic but.

I've been pondering my sexuality and gender identity again more in recent days and. today i randomly stumbled across a yt video where the author (are you an author on yt? my brain is glitching rn)(also the 'author' in question is @jaidenanimationsofficial wonderful videos love the animation and the humor) talks about being aroace. few hours pass, my stomach hurts like hell so i go to lay down and sleep a bit, wake up and have a realization.

i googled again what asexuality is and read some more on this. i did this before and i guess i didn't see myself in it? so i kinda crossed it off the list of possible identities. i guess because i do want to have sex. i think. I'm not opposed to it and i get horny lmao. but that's only with fictional characters and works? like i just think: that was very sexy of you. but in a platonic way?! sex doesn't cross my mind. (also can you get aroused by music? or a good written work? or movie? like not even the characters but the work itself?) sorry i dunno I'm confused.

anyway i got a bit off track. what i wanted to say was that i suddenly remembered a convo i had with my sister a while ago where we talked about what is the difference between friendship and a romantic relationship. and she said it's that u wanna have sex with them and i was like ... i don't really think that's it...

and like. i get crushes i think. but I've never experienced this want to have sex with a particular person at least that i could remember. like a want to have sex? i guess yeah i mean not rlly sth i think about much but it's not unprecedented(see: i get horny)

honestly I'm not even sure anymore if im not aromantic as well. cuz queerplatonic sounds more like my jam?

like i felt(feel?) like omnisexual described me well because i think I'd be attracted to who the person is at their core. what if ur straight as a girl, date a boy, and then it turns out he's trans? i dunno i feel like gender isn't this fixed thing which then kinda creates problems when labeling urself with a certain sexuality. aaaa people came irl and i lost my train of thought. um. i feel like labeling myself anything other than omnisexual would feel limiting. even if i never developed a crush on a girl for example (i did), i still feel like i could potentially. like there's nothing stopping me. why shouldn't I?

OKAY SO

that was written yesterday. it is now today and i have a whole lot of new thoughts and realizations.

I had a bit of a marathon with @jaidenanimationsofficial videos and i came across an older one she mentioned in the previous one i watched about being aroace(ik it's a mess) about how she couldn't understand why when romantic feelings are not mutual people don't just continue being friends. and i was like EXACTLY WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?! and um. ahem. do u really see it as a problem? I guess if everyone does. but I'm starting to seriously consider if I'm aroace as well which woah there. this happened in a span of a day and I'm not sure it's real and it doesn't feel real? some time will have to pass for me to check out this theory cuz. ppl often say they felt like there was sth wrong with them and then they discovered these terms and were like aHA that's it! that explains everything! and I didn't... have that? and I'm not sure to what extent i identify with aroace because reasons(ill talk about some of it below). and I'm not saying that not having this realization moment or not feeling like sth is wrong with me through my life devalidates my orientation and stuff but it makes me doubt i guess?

i also came to an important discovery that aroused and horny are not the same. who would have thought?! I said above i get horny but apparently being horny means to want to have sex. and i just get the physical part aka arousal. fun. someone help pls im so confused.

okay for the last part(which prolly won't be the last part but one can hope right?)

i said i realized i wasn't straight two years ago. that was when i realized i like my best friend as more than i friend. well it wasn't exactly that simple. tbh i think Lucifer(the series i am NOT a satanist) helped a lot with that? like i knew about some lgbt stuff before because I'm alive on this planet but it kinda made me think about a lot of stuff, and between that stuff was my sexuality as well. idk. it's not like i had a crush on any of the female characters. just got me thinking for some reason. like why is having sex with people you're not romantically involved with wrong? why is prostitution wrong if u enjoy it and get money for it and it's well managed and secure? but that's beside the point.

well anyway I didn't know what i felt towards my bff(I'll say bff cuz bf also stands for boyfriend so it feels weird) but it felt like more than friendship. didn't feel like sth romantic tho. then i discovered queerplatonic relationships exist and i was like i think that's it! and then new school year came i saw her again and doubts flared up. again there was never i wanna have sex with her, but there was an occasional i wanna kiss her. and she was so important to me so it has to be romantic love right?! romance is the highest form of love one can experience afterall! nothing whatsoever can compare to it!! it feels ✨magical✨ when you find you will finally be completed!!! anyways.

it felt like romantic love was the only thing that could justify me feeling this way. i won't go deeper into this because i already have a draft where i do(i have like 16 drafts with uncompleted rambles so...) I'll try to post it but. i told her and we're still good friends! it actually made me closer to the rest of my friend group(which i was only a part of on the paper before)(i was so focused on my bff before I didn't really do group) because i felt a bit distanced from her for a while(she's a people pleaser like me and even tho i think i can read her well im paranoid and i thought she may feel weird?). anyways i got close with 3 other amazing ppl in the meantime and my friendship with my bff hasn't suffered!

but between my feelings being kinda realized and me telling her a whole year has passed and in the end i wasn't even sure what i was feeling anymore just that i didn't want her not to know. idk.

now im wondering what it was. even back then half year pre confession i was thinking if it was just because someone was finally paying attention to me. i didn't really do friends before (i kinda had them but there were no deep convos or shared secrets) and then there was suddenly this person who genuinely enjoys spending time with me! and listens to my problems! and weird obsessions! this sounds kinda sad put like this ngl lmao. but this was the first time I had that deep connection with someone. two years in my confused feelings came. geez i got off track again. point is i thought i was straight up until then and then had a crisis cuz i thought i only liked her cuz she was giving me attention cuz i was straight goddamit! ANYWAYS.

this post has lost all direction. it is a frustrated ramble of a very confused person. let us continue

i will just sum up how i feel about genders and people because I'm a chronic oversharer. oops doops.

men: find them aesthetically pleasing, all celebrity crushes are in this category (there's only one really but if i found a celebrity attractive like not objectively but to me it was a man), i would also get kinda crushes on boys my age when i spent 5 minutes with them. don't ask. i think it's dopamine mining(i suspect i have adhd). im not used to male company and i kinda don't like it that much but the the ?butterflies? are still there. tbh i don't really know what to do with men. doesn't stop me from having crushes tho. i don't have any real desire to be in a romantic relationship with men. i don't exclude the possibility but i haven't found one i would want it with. i also don't know now to interact with them. let alone flirt. actually flirt in general. it feels like it would be cringe and belongs in bad movies.

women: freaking amazing!! love them! no celebrity crushes, one irl crush which might have moved beyond crush(i suspected the L word for a while) to friends or it might have never been a crush in the first place! help! now there's another friend outside of my friend group who i may like. or i just enjoy her company? im not used to this yet. i forgot i think im aroace. this is killing me.

nonbinary/other genders: I haven't met any yet. there are some on discord servers im a part of but I don't really interact much just lurk there. i think irl experience would be different anyway.

someone please explain sth to me. you have sexual attraction okay get that(not really but that's not the point). but then there's romantic attraction. how do you separate that from friendship? just this intense feelings of wanting to be with them at all times? okay myb myb let's say u can separate them from friendship. what about queerplatonic? guys??

i am starting to dislike labels. this is confusing.

also i gotta figure this romantic thing out cuz im writing a fantasy series and there's romance involved lol.

okay so i guess i am at least asexual cuz i don't see ppl and go 'i wanna have sex with them'. i am not yet thoroughly convinced im aromantic as well but we'll see about that ig. because i still don't understand what the difference between romance and deep friendship is. aghhh

although if i can't tell the difference myb that answers the question.

also how does someone who is asexual but romantically attracted to all genders label themselves? like omnisexual ig doesn't work cuz it omnisexual.

i went to google aromantic and.

"demiromantic people have romantic attraction only after forming an emotional bond with another person."

HOW ELSE DO YOU HAVE ROMANTIC ATTRACTION??? Isn't this about who the person is?! Do you just see them and go: oh this must be such a good person. what?

like i understand sexual attraction when you see someone ig. but romantic? i really need someone to explain this to me in depth. i haven't even been asking the right questions.

"Quoiromantic people can't tell the difference between romantic and platonic attractions." Welp i guess i have a new label i can stick on myself. also the name is killing me. (quoi=what in french💀)

(edit: well this thing just posted itself. I DIDN'T HIT POST WTF. but it's out there now. ig it had enough of me adding new and new thoughts. im inclined to agree)

[lizbethborden]

3 deans from Columbia resigned over texts they sent during a panel on antisemitism on campus, including vomit emojis, suggestions that a rabbi speaking was "taking full advantage of this moment. Huge fundraising potential," and suggesting that comments on how Israeli and Jewish students felt uncomfortable in their dorms were "Laying the case to expand physical space! They will have their own dorm soon," with a response of "Comes from such a place of privilege... hard to hear the woe is me." An additional remark was "if only every identity community had these resources and support... Share resources!!"

I don't necessarily believe they should have had to resign. I don't think they were particularly smart about this convo either. That being said, there's more than a whiff of antisemitism, pulling on some old strings related to the exclusivity and apparent hostility to outsiders of Jewish communities, not to mention the whole money-grubbing rich Jew thing (the rabbi just wants money, this identity group is privileged and already has all the resources bc Jews are rich, etc). The idea that rich, privileged Jews are just whiners who can't tolerate a reasonable level of discomfort is... pretty prevalent in virtually all leftist environments right now. The number of people I've seen, even mutuals, saying that Jewish people on here are making things all about themselves, that we only care about what happens to US, that we're all speaking from privilege, etc...

This isn't me saying that reasonable humanitarian criticism of a Jewish person can't happen or that it is always antisemitic. There are certainly many Jewish people deserving of criticism especially w/r/t their response to the genocide being carried out in Gaza. But I am going to say that quite a lot of you probably haven't even met a Jewish person IRL (note: no, we don't have horns) and maybe need to start self-examining a bit regarding how you go about your criticisms and arguments. Of course, I don't expect anyone to actually self-examine because nobody cares about Jewish people and nobody is interested in examining a load-bearing structural element of their cultural self-image.

[handsinterlaced]

hi this is gonna be my niall experience as I just need to get it out and I’m sure irls are SICK of me talking abt it <3 pls enjoy or ignore up to u

proof being delusional works!

june 27: I fly my ass out to toronto!!! and at this point I’m just giggling w a friend joking around what if I meet Niall

june 28: today is niall’s 1st show in Toronto hehe

I was eating lunch at a random restaurant I stopped by on queen st and I was soooo excited / nervous I couldn’t eat! basically forcing myself to eat so I don’t die at the concert fjdjskks but yeah after like half an hour of picking my food I start to feel unsettled.. and a lil bit uneasy! idk it was suchhhhh a weird feeling but u always gotta listen to ur gut!!

U GOTTA LISTEN TO UR GUT!!

DONT IGNORE IT

it was sooo strange like at that moment I knew I had to leave the restaurant RIGHT NOW and so I did! I was like half an hour walk away from my air bnb so I’m like that’s fine I’ll just walk back & still have plenty of time before the show to get ready and stuff! there were so many different ways to walk back. I could’ve crossed the street earlier or turned the corner sooner but the path I chose led me right to Niall 😭😭 I wasn’t even looking for him!!! but I was waiting for the crosswalk… look up and who do I see? NIALL FUCKING HORAN RIGHT THERE

- ngl tho niall in a cap and sunglasses is such a great disguise FJKSKAKA I would not have recognized him if tour manager wasn’t with him! shoutout to jstir (I met him when I was like 13 when he was working for Cody simpson and taking everyone’s m&g photos fjdjskks that man’s face is engraved in my mind so I was able to recognize him pretty quick!) like who knew my 13 year old phase would come back 10 years later and help me out !!!

anyways so Niall is across the street and I’m just fighting w myself debating if I should go up to him or not 😭😭 the saying never meet ur heroes is kinda true JDKDKAKA it changes u & all the expectations u have! Ultimately I figured that this was my 1 chance to say something so I just went for it. If I didn’t I’d probably regret it for the rest of my life!

I just know my voice was shaky and I was super nervous but niall was so sweet and patient <3 like I felt so bad just going up to him 😭😭 hes just out and about… trying to be incognito & enjoy some free time FJSKKA like I am quite aware but when else could this happen u feel 🥲 anyways here is the convo from what I remember bc I blacked out (as u do when u meet ur fave)

me: hi Niall!! just wanted to say hi and let you know how excited I am to see you perform tonight and tomorrow <3

niall: hi how are you! oh you’re going to both shows? is that right? we’re actually headed to the venue now

me: oh! If that’s the case I don’t wanna keep you guys. Would it be alright if we took a photo?

niall: yes of course!

the photos (cropped myself out bc Toronto humidity is my enemy & I was a sweaty mess from walking back to the air bnb)

and then I just say thank u so much! see u at the show hahaha and SPRINT OFFFFJFKSKAK like I ran so fast bc I needed to get away and scream 😭😭

mind u I be carrying my leftovers the entire time JFKSKAK SO FUNNY

I DIDNT EVEN INTRODUCE MYSELF! WISH I TOLD HIM I FLEW MY ASS OUT! THAT HE NEEDS TO TOUR MORE CITIES IN CANADA! TO PUT NEW ANGEL ON THE SETLIST!! so much I wish I said but again thankful they were on the way to the venue so I was forced to keep it short so I didn’t continue to yap and embarrass myself further. it could’ve been so much worse! just gotta remind myself that.

sat in the air bnb for like 2 hours in silence trying to process what happened fjdjskks would’ve been longer but I had to get to the show! anyways I was like 15 rows back on the floor and had the best time <3

june 29: Toronto night 2!!!

I’m sat 2nd row floor… right next to the barricade and I’m so close I know that niall can see me 😭😭😭 idk if it’s the delusion but I keep making eye contact with niall and he keeps looking at me! probs thinking oh is it that weirdo from the street yesterday 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 LMFAO but U TELL ME!! IS IT DELUSION BC I THINK I GOT PROOF RIGHT HERE

felt too perceived by him tbh JDKKA needed to run and hide! like eye contact was crazy djdjjsjs

OKAY THAT IS ALL FOR NOW I THINK! if u made it this far I am so amazed ty for reading the rambles <3

[blueberrypie20]

Okay i never thought i'd do this but

vent! :D I was trying to be chill about it but my throat is so crumpled it leaves no way for me to breath and so i thought maybe i had to share it with someone. I'll use Japanese names so no one woukd understand our irl names ^^

You see, i have ARFID (avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder) since a very young age (I don't eat potatoes, eggplants, mayonnaise and some more - basically no salad, fries, chips etc) and so I don't eat most popular foods.

So today we had soup, and my ARFID kicked in like "the stuff in it is too softened! It'll taste bad!" And so for a while I kept on playing with the soup.

I convinced myself that it's good, and right before eating i asked my mom "is it delicious?" Wanted to make sure it's gonna taste nice and better than expected. And she nodded smiling. So i went to eat, but my aunt - who happened to have heard a part of our convo - thought I didn't like it and told mom "it's not delicious" and so she told my grandma (who was preparing chicken that they had before) "she doesn't eat soup! Bring chicken!"

And I was like "wdym?? I like it?? I'm eating tho??" And my mom explained what I actually had told her before eating. But my aunt didn't give up and went "then why'd you say she doesn't eat this before dinner?" My mom was like WDYM??

Girl's so damn judgmental 😀

So we started eating and my mom and aunt kept talking, and i don't remember how we got there (I was busy eating to take her face down lol, I think my mom did tell her she's talking weirdly) but my aunt was like "okay if i'm judgemental then why'd your daughter tell me 'why'd you come upstairs?? Wanna eavesdrop/spy on us or something??' When I came upstairs the other day??" I was like NAH WTF 🤨 (grandma's house has two floors, we sleep upstairs when we come)

And a few mins after again she said that I insulted her baby daughter Hikari (not irl) a while ago. sure, I sometimes can't control and curse, but why exactly would I ever insult an 8 MONTH OLD BABY???

(Btw the soup wasn't THAT bad, but stupid mind kept on pressuring my mind as 'it tastes bad' and so I couldn't finish my bowl anyway-)

You know what? I wanted to cry. I was the usual unflappable polaris in front of her and my (poor, poor) grandma (i'm worried for her), but I couldn't breathe when I went upstairs after dinner with my mom.

Let alone that I have a guilt complex as well and apologized to my grandma twice bc of what happened eventhough I wasn't the main issue.

Anyway, it was a trash meal, but i kept calm and the mask didn't slip in front of her, and so i'm TRYING to stay chill n happy about it :)))

[l-tora-l-archived]

HELLO CUTIE WHATS UR MAIN BLOG, SHARE PLS XOXO

HIIII sorry for taking like ten centuries to respond to this but like tbh ;; Im quitting tumblr I think. (ALSO UNI PLS IGNORE THIS LOL ITS MAINLY FOR EVERYONE ELSE CAUSE I ALR TOLD YOU ID POST THIS HAHA😭🙏)

Mega explanation under the cut talking abt some of the trashy behaviour I've had to experience on this forsaken app over the years, but mostly how I feel about it so yeah if you don't care that's alr hope everyone has a good life, cause as I said I quit.

I deleted the new blog I ended up making bc this environment has never really been welcoming to me and I can 100% say that tumblr has actively made my experiences with practically everything irl AND online worse than any fruitful goodness it has or could ever bring. From putting my everything into relationships including comfort, support and psychological + therapeutic sessions for people even over ten yrs older than me (at times older) without even getting a single kind thought back, to the genuine rudeness of some people, to the (excuse my language) but half assed and crude responses I receive ... honestly the list is endless.

One thing I'm trying to get better at is to notice when my presence is clearly not wanted and act accordingly. It's just saddening that the one place where it's encouraged to be your true "nerdy" self, as the catchphrase of this site is, I am not allowed to be just that. I really do wonder what part of me is so incredibly intolerable or forgettable, that I am expected to practically grovel for even ten minutes of people's time - and that's with the closest people I know, forget abt ten minutes for regular conversation I can't even get ten minutes from the people I stood with through thick and thin with, even though I myself struggle really hard to be there and yet always am.

From now on I'll just say that no I will definitely not come back, I will also not use this account and if I ever DO come back it would probably just be a call out thread on SOME people who deserve jail time more than silly time on tumblr dot come /hj (but not rlly hj hahejdsj this is so srs and continues to impact my life after almost 2 years ... but ugh what.ever.😀👍). But I'm also a coward ngl so like that would never happen !

I would say "oh btw I have this account you can keep in touch on ! :>" but truthfully, I am so let down by how uninteractive, uncaring and exclusionary everyone is no matter how hard I try to do the best I can to treat others how I'd love to be treated, and how I basically am sweating to keep convos going, bc in truth I don't think anyone rlly likes me enough here or anywhere really to even want to talk to me in general, so I'll spare you all that. The proof is literally in the fact that I've amassed a sizeable following which I am shocked with, yet despite it all I feel so lonely bc nobody even bothers with me at all whilst ppl who just start out get 50 best friends in such a short time frame. I see I am not everyone's cup of tea.

I once thought maybe just maybe I could have a good time online just how everyone suggests that online is better than irl and it is a reprieve for some. Looks like I am eternally unlucky bc how is online on par or perhaps even worse than irl for me ? And make no mistake irl is atrocious to me too.

I do not mean this to be passive aggressive but I just want to communicate my thoughts. If I was being passive aggressive that'd imply that I knew that everyone here was capable of treating me as I wanted, as I have consistently treated my "friends" on here, as a reciprocated effort. But as this thread suggests, that was and can never be a reality for me.

TLDR // not coming back bc :

People genuinely don't care or don't put in any effort at all

Bullies (mean ppl way at the beginning of my account) + I am let down how everyone let TWO whole adults get away with being weird to a then minor (me) right in front of your faces

Very traumatised and uncomfortable being on this app to the point I can barely even socialise at all from the precipitating impacts.

Hope everyone has a good life.

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I’m requesting yet again for yall not to leave me comments, I don’t need them and I don’t even necessarily want them. Especially if you’re going to question me and I don’t know you. I don’t care to defend myself. I hate conversing through comments, yeah I know it’s a thing but I don’t like it. I prefer messaging on tumblr or even an ask.

My reputation as a Shinichi hater is alive and well. Good, cause it’s true and I won’t deny it. I’ve been trying to escape this ship for years now and I still haven’t. I’ve said a million times I’m just here for Shiho, give me a better option and I’ll jump ships in a heartbeat! I just can’t get over how cruel he was to her, and how he tried to get into her good graces by pretending to be nice. Plus the canon ship propaganda is so tiring. Sure recently we’ve gotten some stellar moments and I try to focus on that, but I just think my queen deserves better. She deserves someone who can and will love her loudly without making her feel like they settled. Yes his actions speak louder than his words and it’s clear he cares about her, but then I get stupid shit about the canon ship and I’m just like really? This again? Give me a reason to root for them! Or at the very least let my queen live and let her move on. I could care less about him. Everyone fucking loves him already, where’s the love for my queen? I swear most fics go on about how perfect he is and how she’s the problem and how much she needs him, miss me with that bs. I get that in canon, and I’m so over it.

Now excuse me while I continue to write CoAi fics that end happily

Update: while I’m here ranting on my blog. I truly don’t understand why we continue to romanticize the idea of him being an idiot and expecting them to be closer when he didn’t fucking ask or make things clear. The amount of times I’ve heard my irl peeps complain about not knowing where they stand with someone cause it was never clarified is annoying. I don’t want that in fiction too even if I do prefer things to be realistic! Either let my queen make a move and be like this is what I want with you or have him say the actual words to get them together! What’s with all this not knowing and not being on the same page even though you’re supposed to know each other best??? Idk man. I just find it ooc for her to be open with her feelings so I think he has to be the one to spell it out. But then I read this fic and I’m like it’s well written sure but why is it my queen’s fault that she thinks they would be better off apart? That’s very in character to me. And yes him having a problem with it also makes sense, but then to have him go around and play the victim and be like why don’t you understand me???? Like what???? Boy you fucking didn’t say shit! And okay sure you can say she avoided him cause she would, but then why wouldn’t he be clear when they have the actual convo like why make her guess? She’s going to second guess cause of course she would! And that just makes it a whole mess again! Cause now he’s upset with her and she doesn’t get it and he still isn’t being straightforward. It’s 2024, is it really that hard to get a real confession out of him? Must it be coerced like whatever bs happened with the canon ship? Does he really have to lose her to finally go after her?? Cause at that point I low key fucking wish he would. I just really freaking hate that it’s always her fault. Why the fuck is it always her fault for not catering to him? I’m so annoyed cause I like the writing style but it’s exhausting reading this bs. I want out of this fandom. I really want to be done. I care way too fucking much and it’s not healthy at all for me.

[limoncats]

hey, remember the tag on this post?

you know what? i'm gonna explain.

quick apology if the post sounds weird, it is currently 1 minute away from 11 pm as i'm typing this sentence.

ig this is a vent? anyway long post up ahead so !!

also apologies if this sounds stupid.

btw this post is not a self-diagnosis post

TWs for: mentions of self-h@rm, discussion of trauma

if these trigger you, don't read this! or do, but just be warned.

okay, so,

am i disabled?

alright, so am i physically disabled? no, not to my knowledge.

am i mentally disabled? i have no official diagnosis, but i am speculating. the speculation in question? this whole post

i have speculations that i have Asperger's Syndrome and possible selective mutism

Asperger's Syndrome

okay so. let me show you the symptoms and i'll explain

according to nationwidechildrens.org, the symptoms for Asperger's are:

i'll go over each one and tell you my experiences with each

now uh. i don't actually know what this means ;; but if this counts, i'll put it here: whenever i'm supposed to say basic things like "good morning," or "thank you," i can't seem to verbally? like the words don't seem to be able to come out of my mouth. it actually is more like that i don't even think to say them, so i don't. i remember this whole thing resulted in a fucking argument i had with my mother and her friend JUST because i didn't say good morning to him. as you can imagine, it was pretty traumatic. i think this may actually be more of "struggling to understand social cues," but eh.

i– yeah i can understand emotions usually (if i can clearly see it/tell based off of a person's facial expression what emotion they're feeling.) and i think my expressiveness is fine? idfk however kill me.

i can understand gestures just fine, unless i don't clearly understand what the person means? it's like if my mum points to something but i don't know where she's pointing to because i can't tell (and then she gets mad at me ;;). it might just be a thing on my mum's part but honestly i don't fucking know.

yes! irl the only thing i talk about with my school friends is CoAD since they like it too, and it's usually super awkward when i try to talk to an irl friend who doesn't know/enjoy CoAD so ;; and if they don't, sometimes i tell them about it and keep rambling on and on about it. now regarding the "convos revolving around them," part, i'm also pretty sure that's a yeah too? like yk when i ask a question like "guys what (insert thing here) am i"? i feel that i do that pretty frequent and i think it counts so ?

nah i think my speech is fine

mfw CoAD

auhhh???? i don't know i don't have memory of it so i think no

uh. if getting mad at my mum for making me do chores while i'm having fun either watching a video, talking to friends or drawing counts then uh. yeah

oh ofc. like i memorised how tall Wadanohara's familiars (Memoca, Dolphi, Fukami and Samekichi) are and when Yonaka's birthday is instead of memorising what the word "verbatim" means (it took me some time to memorise)

i don't think i'm that clumsy + my handwriting is fine and it's easy to write so

ohhhh Hm. so i can hold emotions pretty fine (it does sorta hurt to hold in so much anger) but sometimes they do come out a little and i end up like punching my thighs or something. it's happened at school before (yes, i've actually punched my thighs out of anger before)

uhhhhhhh??????? i feel like i'd have to get reeeeally specific for this one and i'm not feeling it right now

now to lights and touch i'm fine, but sound? lemme explain. so i can listen to like a video at (somewhat) loud volume while at home, but if i overhear like loud music coming from a club i get uncomfortable and i sometimes cry

so that's that for the Asperger's part, now let's move on to:

Selective mutism

i'll format it basically the same as the previous section so.

according to NHS, symptoms of selective mutism are:

"characterised by a sudden stillness and frozen facial expression when they're expected to talk to someone outside of their comfort zone" is so real ngl

anyway

yeah i do get nervous. i assume i look so too

my mum tells me i come off as rude, she says like, "hey you can't just stay silent! that's really rude!" wow mum i feel so much better! (<- lie) also i'm pretty sure i come off as sulky because whenever i frown around my mum's friends, once we're separated for something, my mum always says "suratına asma," which basically means "stop frowning." you have no idea how angry i get when i hear that my god.

nah i'm like. 99.9% sure that i come off as the opposite of clingy

yeah i sometimes describe myself as shy (sometimes is emphasised because i usually don't like calling myself "shy" because it makes me feel cringe.)

i. don't know lol. i guess so yeah? yeah i think so actually

i'm not aggressive (at least not physically or verbally), but i do get pissed when my mum asks me. ofc i don't let it out because i don't want to fucking assault mother

now i didn't include this because i don't think it's a disorder, but whenever i go through something traumatic (or the aftermath of something traumatic), i question if i'm real? like i think i sorta put myself in this sort of delusion that i'm living in a nightmare i can't wake up from whenever i go through something traumatic

also i hate looking in a mirror due to questioning who i'm looking at

i still question who i was looking at in the mirror that one day to this day.

i'm not sure if this is dissociation because i don't understand the definition of dissociation, or if it's part of a disorder. i did suspect DPDR, but i don't know i don't think so ? i'm also not sure if this is just puberty with the whole "questioning who you are" thing (though i think that's in terms of identity, not fucking questioning your REALITY 💀)

have i tried getting a diagnosis?

yes, i have, actually, so let me explain:

i wrote a text document to my dad about my speculations on having Asperger's, but he just laughed it off and said "i've met people with autism and you're NOTHING like them haha!!!" which was just. okay dad.

he suggested i tell my mother and i agreed

now this is when things go downhill 😭😭

so i told my mum when i went back to hers and she also basically had a similar response but she agreed to get it diagnosed one day.

then some time later she tells me that i might have to wait 2 years to get my diagnosis so 💀💀💀

and then one day i start telling her that one of my school classmates recommend talking therapy and all of a sudden she gets all hostile like "why do you need to label yourself? what difference does it make? it's unnecessary" which is VERY funny considering this woman is a FUCKING SOCIOLOGY LECTURER WITH A PHD.

we've had a couple arguments about it and it still pisses me off. she even practically made fun of me to her friend's husband when i went to The Netherlands last week and she was like, "yeah i think her generation has a weird obsession with needing to label themselves?" mum do you hear yourself. oh i'm sorry i want to improve my mental health by knowing what's up with me and attempting to get support.

SPEAKING of trying to get support once diagnosed, during one of our arguments over if diagnosis really does anything at all, in response to her saying, "what do you do with it?", i said, "i can well. try and get support ??" and then HER ASS responds with, "THERE IS NO SUPPORT."

FUCK YOU MEAN THERE IS NO SUPPORT???? YOU'RE A SOCIOLOGIST YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THERE IS.

i haven't told either of my parents of my speculations for having selective mutism, though i feel it'll just go the same as what happened with the Asperger's shit so

i think my parents just have stereotypes of autism that i don't fall into so thErEfoRE YoU'Re noT aUtistiC!!!!11!1!!

anyway so that's practically it. thanks for reading what absolute insanity i've gotten myself into, and also what state my mental health is in!!! (ofc this isn't the entirety of my mental health lol.)

have a good day/afternoon/evening/night ♡

— limoncats

[impostorsshow]

Okay so you’re my Legend of Zelda person

How are you feeling about the Echoes of Wisdom announcement? Surprised? Excited? Eh? Did you like what you saw of the game? The art style? The Echo mechanic?

(Personally, I’m really looking forward to the game, and it’s looking like the twink will finally have to be saved this time.)

I haven't seen much of the trailer and don't know what the echo mechanic is, I only get game info through my partner that stays up until 3-4 am their time to watch the Nintendo directs and I prefer to find out about zelda games far after the community has discussed it or play it blind myself with trusty non spoiler guide site zeldadungeon.com, but I love that we're getting another game in the chibi links awakening style!! It's my favorite, and my old comfort object that I lost was an amiibo figure of links awakening link, so I really hope they make a figure of Zelda I can buy - my family pirated every amiibo for Zelda that was released up to botw and they're about the size of the first index of my thumb but having a full figure of a Zelda character would be nice again.

I am also really surprised about it, and having Zelda as a playable character is amazing again. I only know of 4 Zelda games that have had the goddess reincarnation herself be the protagonist, 3 of the games were most likely released in the OG Zelda/adventure of link titles era or around the oracle games based on the cartridge? Art I saw idk it might also be related to the PC quest games that came out around the same time which for reference is the uh. "eXCUSSEEE ME PRINCESS" one I think that's the thing it's well known for that is a whole different convo with a different blog i know nothing of the older titles except the basics. Anyway anyway I own the 4th game I know about that no one else mentions because it's technically not canon and is worse off than Hyrule warriors is but it's called cadence of Hyrule I think just search up "Crypt of the Necromancer Zelda" you'll find it and I did play through most characters campaign including Zelda's in that one, and think it's definitely worth mentioning due to how different Zeldas gameplay is to links. Uh anyway based on that game alone I have very high hopes for the gameplay of Zelda, as well as the thinks the higher ups at Nintendo said about sticking with botw/totks direction and play style.

Lastly I'll be honest with you im sleep deprived as shit cause emergency irl shit happened last night and I havent been sleeping well in general so I forgot my big thing i wanted to talk about in this segment but uh. Salvaged bits are yada yada Zelda mechanics parallels to other games more characterization more well written fanfics that aren't JUST skyward sword and botw for her etc etc based on how they handled princess peach showtimes characterization [which like. Honest to God really hard character to write in 2024 due to her roots being damsel in distress 101 and people tending to mostly correctly point at any pinky extra feminine girl and shout misogynistic] I really don't think Nintendo can fuck this up, and I am fully confident they won't fuck it up :].

ALSO CAPE CAPE ZELDA CAPE SHE HAS A CAPE ITS A CAPE ZELDAS CAPE ITS SO CUTE GOOD CHARACTER DESIGN SHE HAS A CAPE ITS SO CUTE OH MY GOD CAPE CAPE CAPE SHE HAS A CAPE

Oh yeah actually I did like the little bit of the trailer I did see that link shot her free at the last second, showing he is still in character and they didn't shoehorn in an idea to have a female protagonist like other series would do, but that every side of the triforce is equally powerful. I expect this game to be like if links awakenings dungeon puzzles were used on the overworld, and based on another Tumblr post I saw there might be some diplomatic puzzles. Or at least dual sided quest lines

Uh is there anything else I was gonna say. Oh I'm definitely going to be live posting about when I play the game since my birthday [shoutout to sans undertale] is in September so im definitely planning to ask for it or get it myself, even though I know it comes out past my birthday

[letulthi]

Pinned post time :)

First thing to get out of the way!

I don't tolerate hate speech, get that out of here fr. You lose speaking privileges (get blocked) if you say anything bigoted, racist, transphobic, etc. etc. Be nice or be gone, please and thank you

Now then, onto the good stuff - Asks and Etiquette!

- As per my ask box text, I accept requests for characters, OCs, and general silly ideas :)

- This is ALWAYS OPEN unless I have explicitly turned off asks! Feel free to send me your silly guys, goobers, and ideas, and I shall do my best to deliver!

- On a side note, please don't be rude to me. I am a human person and most people don't appreciate rudeness. Also I won't accept your request if you're mean to me, and repeat offenses will get you blocked

- If I don't respond right away, don't worry! Either I am working on it and it's taking me a while, or I haven't gotten around to answering yet. If it takes more than a week, feel free to send a follow up to make sure Tumblr didn't eat it

- That being said, I will always answer an ask if I can access it - even if that means saying I won't be doing it. I will give you an explanation, but please don't push if I have to deny it (this won't happen often from what I expect, and will mostly be due to rudeness or my own lack of skill to complete what you're requesting! I might come back to it later if it's the skill thing, or you can ask again in a few months to see where I'm at :))

- Your asks don't have to be fandoms I'm into! Or fandom-based at all! If you have a cool OC or a character you like and wanna see them in my art style, feel free to send them in and I will do my best :DD

- As a general rule, anything with hate speech or imagery/symbols will get you immediately blocked and I will not be drawing it. Seriously, don't be hateful or discriminatory (First rule of the blog, again, is no hate speech)

Next up! Facts about me that people might find interesting! (Put under a cut since it's not as important to the blog)

- I use ibisPaint for my art and am currently still learning some of the tools and stuff, so my art style might change or get silly sometimes :P

- I am 20 years old and have been doing art in some way or another since I was 4, so it's been a long road and it'll go longer still

- I like many many games and fandoms, and am always open to finding new things to enjoy. If you think I'll like something, let me know!

- If anyone wants to be friends I do have a Discord btw! You can request it in a message or ask but I don't wanna just post it willy-nilly since it's what I use for convos with irl friends and stuff

- My all time most liked fandoms are Hollow Knight, Rain World, Borderlands, Transformers, and Star Wars! I'll probably cycle through them all eventually but HK is overtaking my brain with silly bugs for now

- I also like general lil things like monsters, aliens, robots, cryptids, and eldritch horrors beyond our mortal comprehension <3 (That being said, I do better with non-human OCs and characters since I draw them more often lol)

- I have sudden spikes of motivation, so most of my art will come in batches or in very slow single works that take forever due to low base motivation levels. There is no in between. Yes it annoys me too and I'm sorry :(

- The emoticons are a very important part of the creative process, trust me >:P

[artificer-doesnt-belong-here]

where is artificer? I have no idea!

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-> REQUESTS -> OPEN

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-> ask me to add her in places that she clearly doesn't belong into!

-> do not ask me to put her in an area in Rain World, even if she doesn't belong in a specific area there, she originates from there so it feels weird doing it

-> general asks are fine, since it'd help me do this blog better

-> fandom places, irl places, you name it are allowed to be requested. however I would ask for you to send the ask as " snowdin from undertale " for example

-> I have the right to decline requests

-> same place is fine to be asked multiple times, I don't keep track

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this is a general thing but please do not ask for ship related asks. I am perfectly fine adding another blogs character into an image as requested but not to be taken as a ship

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•-> blog is run by @paintedcomputer

-> pfp is by @bright--paws

-> based off I convo I had with the owner of the rivulet blog. I made this as a little funny thing and can’t believe how many posts its getting already

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partner blogs

-> @rivulet-shouldnt-be-here

-> @saint-get-outta-there

-> @why-is-spears-here

-> @monk-shouldnt-be-here

-> @why-is-inv-here

-> @nightcat-plush-why-you-overthere

-> @where-did-gourmand-go

-> @pebble-plush-in-places

• I follow every rain world doesn’t belong here blog. so expect a follow from my main account if I’m acknowledging you

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tags!

#artificer doesn't belong here • main tag I use, used whenever putting her into places she doesn’t belong in

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-> can I make a blog like this one? [with another rain world character] of course! unfortunately we will run out of canon characters unless you want to make one based off an oc which I definitely allow. no doubles of any existing account. please be sure to make me aware, because I link all rain world blogs based off this one

-> any discord? not at the moment, it might happen eventually that we will have a discord server dedicated to the blogs. unsure but depending on what the other blog owners say and if they have discord themselves

-> any limits to fandoms/asks? I am rarely uncomfortable by a fandom, so no there isn’t a limit to what fandoms you can request. you can send as many asks as you want, especially if you have an idea! It won’t bother me

-> thoughts about horror places? it's fine to request these, I will simply put a warning that it's horror in the tags. sometimes I don't realize when something is horror so please let me know