#I was not expecting this to happen in an irl convo I was not expecting to be thrusted back into 2014 TT0TT

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Me: *talking about the older Disney Princess movies and how I'm re-watching them* Someone: Oh yeah, but man those older ones, the OG 3? They were horrible representation for wom- Me:

Me: Speak not another word, lest we get thrusted back into the good year of 2014. This is why Frozen gagged y'all, cause people had that antiquated and twisted mindset of something that doesn't exist.

[snekdood]

i think its really weird and unnecessary to unload your life stories and traumas on a streamer unless its specifically in a context where thats asked for or mentioned its ok to do? idk im just watching old streams of someones and ppl keep going on about how bad everything in their life is and that the streams are the only thing keeping them going on like whats supposed to be a lighthearted minecraft stream....??? tf is going on sdghvdsvgh

[fairyhaos]

◈ endearingly // lee dokyeom

dokyeom x f!reader, 1.6k+ words

tags: pet names, fluff, angstier than i thought it would be??, established relationship, idolverse, soonhoon cameo + jeonghan cameo

notes: ib a convo i had with an irl ab pet names!! sorry nb/male carats but this only worked with f!yn :(

summary: in which you hate pet names, but your boyfriend loves them. nevertheless, the two of you manage to make it work.

“Darling?”

“No.”

“Babe.”

“Ew.”

“Honey.”

“I’m not food.”

“Sweetie?”

“I’m literally not food, Seokmin.”

“Aw, come on,” your boyfriend, Seokmin, pouts sadly at you and then promptly faceplants onto your bed in a dramatic display of his distress. “Why can't I call you a pet name? Why don’t you like any of them?”

Sitting cross-legged at the head of your bed, you watch amusedly as Seokmin begins flailing about like a fish throwing a tantrum into your sheets before you. He groans, flips onto his back and stares up at you through his eyelashes, forehead wrinkling as he strains to look at you from his upside-down position.

“Is there really nothing that you like?”

You sigh, leaning back against the headboard. “They’re all so cringy, Seokmin. It makes me feel all… icky.”

Honestly, after six months of dating, it was inevitable that a conversation about this was bound to come up eventually. You're surprised he hasn't called you any pet names until now, but he mostly sticks to saying your name in the most enamoured tone possible, and it's only after the small incident a few hours ago that it's finally happened. The talk on your dislike of such terms of endearment. 

Seokmin sits upright, scrambling around so he can face you. “It’s just because you’re not used to them, I promise,” he says earnestly. "Once you start hearing them a lot, they become really cute!”

You shake your head. “No. Trust me, I really don’t like them at all. They feel really… objectifying. And I know you never mean it like that, but it still makes me feel all bad inside.” Seokmin's face falls, and you wince apologetically. “Sorry. That was probably a really weird thing to say. I'm sorry. It just makes me feel uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s okay,” Seokmin says. “I get it. And if it makes you feel uncomfortable, I won’t use them, don't worry about it.” He smiles brightly, and you pout placatingly, patting him on the head. 

“Sorry. I shouldn't have said that so harshly.”

“No, no, it's fine, trust me,” Seokmin reassures. “And it's not harsh. It totally explains why you reached the way you did earlier, so it's all okay. For realsies. I swear.”

But even as he says so, he’s still pouting profusely, head hung like a dejected puppy, and you wonder why this is getting to him so much. 

Seokmin is big on feelings, big on emotions, but he’s also getting better at handling the negative stuff. And normally, only significant things like acts of injustice or cruel words towards his loved ones will have him upset in this way, so you’re honestly quite confused.

This whole predicament arose earlier that afternoon, when you’d popped your head into the studio that Seokmin had told you he was working in, only to find him immersed in songwriting with Jihoon and Soonyoung.

That hadn’t been a problem, and you’ve walked into studios numerous times to find your boyfriend immersed in something with the other guys, but it’s the first time that what happened next had occurred—

Seokmin’s eyes had lit up when he saw you hovering in the doorway, and he waved you over with a grin.

“Hey!” he’d said, gesturing for you to come in. “Didn’t expect to see you here so early, baby.”

And at the pet name attached to the end of that sentence, you’d cringed immensely and physically recoiled, as if the term had literally grown arms and smacked you across the face.

The change in atmosphere had been instant, both Jihoon and Soonyoung looking confused at your demeanour.

“What is it?”

You couldn’t look Soonyoung in the eye even as he voiced his question, too embarrassed by your extreme reaction. “Sorry. I just. I don’t really like being called—that.”

Too busy looking at the floor, you didn’t notice the way Seokmin’s face fell also, but you could hear it in his tone.

“Oh… I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t know.”

The conversation had ended soon after that, with Seokmin promising he’ll be done soon and urging you to just wait at home. There had been no point in hanging around, especially with how stifling the studio had suddenly become. And true to his word, Seokmin came straight over to your house some minutes later, and then the subject had come up once again, and here you were.

It can’t be because of the embarrassment of it happening in front of his bandmates, you decide. If anything, you feel more embarrassed and ashamed for reacting so harshly. 

But Seokmin looks so dejected, even as he tries to wipe away his pout and leans over to snuggle into your side, burrowing into the space between your shoulder and your neck.

“Sorry,” you say again, because you're not sure how to fix this. “If you like them, then I guess I can get used to it…?”

Seokmin's shaking his head before you can even finish. 

“No, if it makes you uncomfortable, of course I don't want to use them,” he says. He reaches over to where your hands rest in your lap, beginning to fiddle with your fingers with his own. “I'm not sad about it. It's okay.”

You pout down at the top of his head, even though he can't see you. “Yes you are, Seokmin. What's wrong?”

He doesn't say anything, continuing to play with your fingers. When you close your hands into fists, preventing him from fiddling anymore, he whines in protest, taking his head off your shoulder to look at you petulantly. 

“Please tell me what's wrong, Seokmin,” you say, instead of giving in to the puppy eyes he's making at you. “I can tolerate the pet names if it means a lot to you, really. I promise it'll be okay.”

Seokmin hesitates, and then looks away, shoulders shrinking inwards. 

“It's just. I wanna call you something special. Like, your name is so pretty, and I love it, but I wanna be able to say something cute and unique that's just for me when I wanna call you over or whatever,” Seokmin admits. 

He looks up at you, just briefly, before he looks down at the bedding again, cheeks pink. 

“Some days, I can't even believe you're dating me. I can't believe I'm this lucky. And I just… wanted to call you something that could affirm that. And pet names seemed an easy way to show how lucky I feel to be with you. Shows how much I love you, you know?”

Your eyes widen. The L-O-V-E word hasn't come up between the two of you yet, but—after a relationship of six months, and a friendship that's been going strong for many years before this, perhaps it's not so surprising. 

It's definitely not surprising that Seokmin's said it first, though. He's always been big on feelings. 

(You love him for it.) 

“Oh,” you say softly, heart melting at his shy, sincere admission. “I feel the same way,” you say, and Seokmin looks up at you, eyes wide and hopeful. 

“You like me that much? You're willing to let me call you a pet name?”

“I love you,” you correct, smile widening. “And… well, I think we can work something out.”

───────────── ‘🧴, 

“So then what happened?” Jeonghan asks after you finish recounting your story to him over the phone. His face is slathered in some clay mask and in the blurry connection of the video call, he looks like a green-skinned, peeling zombie. 

You smile, shrugging. “We worked it out,” you say, sitting down at your sofa, phone propped on your knees so you can talk to Jeonghan better. “He's not calling me anything like baby or sweetie, but we're both happy with it.”

“He'll honestly be happy with anything,” Jeonghan says dryly. “He loves everything about you. You could say you want him to call you “boulder” and he'll agree.”

That makes you laugh. “No, he wouldn't. That's silly.”

“Trust me. He'd do it.”

“Lies.”

“Why don't you ask him and find out?”

There's the distinct pattern of beeps as someone inputs the passcode to your door, and then the telltale melody of the passcode being inputted correctly. You look up as the door opens, and Seokmin steps through, making you smile. 

“Speak of the devil,” you say, in Jeonghan's direction. “Seokmin just came home.”

“Hey there, girlfriend,” Seokmin greets you with a smile, coming over to kiss you on the forehead before peering at your screen. “Oh, is that Jeonghan hyung?”

“Hey there, boyfriend,” you greet back, smiling up at him. “It is. I was telling him about our new nickname system.”

“Oh!” Seokmin's face breaks out into a wider grin. “Well. It was your idea, so I'll leave you to it, my girlfriend. I'm all sweaty, though, so I'm off to shower first. Tell him I said hi!”

“Just say hi to me yourself, ” Jeonghan says amusedly. "I can hear you."

You laugh at Jeonghan's response, pecking Seokmin on the cheek before he moves off in the direction of the bathroom. 

“Welcome home, my boyfriend.”

“That's cute,” Jeonghan comments, once Seokmin has left the room. “He calls you girlfriend.”

You smile, and you know how heart-sickeningly in-love you look right now, but it doesn't even matter. 

“He does. The whole thing with pet names was just the idea of specialness between us, and the girlfriend and boyfriend thing do it quite well. Without making it sound like he's talking to a teddy bear. It's cute, right?”

Jeonghan hums. “I dunno. Teddy bears are pretty cute.” But then he smiles, all real and genuine and cracking the edges of his clay mask as he does. “I was right, though. He just loves everything about you.”

“Yes, he does,” you say, overflowing with fondness. “Good thing I love everything about him too.”

fics tags: @jeonginssa @weird-bookworm @minhui896 @slytherinshua @haowrld @belladaises @moonlitskiiies @mirxzii @zozojella @kawennote09 @a-wandering-stay @abibliolife @wonranghaeee @icyminghao @sweet-like-caramel @your-yxnnie @odxrilove @kyeomyun @crackedpumpkin @kellesvt @eightlightstar @onlyyjeonghan @aaniag @starshuas @raevyng @isabellah29 @hrts4hanniehae @mcu-incorrect @dokyeomkyeom @suraandsugar @tulsa24 @melodicrabbit @dokyeomkyeom @hopeless-foolery

[daniifanz]

Some Win or Lose things on my mind:

- in Frank’s episode when he’s texting the girl he met online right before his ex is about to walk in, the blaring alarm going off. Like.. as a viewer I understand it as a warning that *something* is about to happen. (That something being the sudden appearance of Monica). But it was the first time we saw a story telling element like that. The whole thing with Frank’s episode was focused on armor, vivid flashbacks and video game animation for the dating app. So the red flashing alarm confused me for a bit. At first I didn’t know if it was a real alarm going off in the school or a narrative device 💀

- Some people theorize that the woman Frank was texting was Vanessa’s mom??? I didn’t get that impression at all and rewatching the show I still don’t see any signs point to that??

- so does Tom lowkey have a crush on Rochelle? Based on the convo with her mom

- Very specific but I like that we see some of the parents calling it baseball when it’s softball 💀 it just seems like an accurate parent slip to make

- the job interview where Zane attacks the guy after saying “so uh, how flexible are you 😏” didn’t expect that at all but it really be like that irl

- now I know Kai’s story was supposed to focus on her experience transitioning but the creators had to scrap that main story and opted to represent it in a more subtle fashion. Idk how much of that episode was cut/edited and rewritten but when it comes to the scenes of her scratching off what presumably was her deadname on her old glove and her looking fondly at her new one that says “Kai” some people thought that the last episode was the first time James called her Kai. Cause like Kai’s story relies on the dynamic between her and her father and whether or not he accepts her. But actually he already calls her that at the start of her episode. So I’m wondering if maybe some clarity was lost with her timeline because the creators had to switch up the focal point of story.

- Rinna always going off to Brian in Korean? 💀💀 does Brian understand Korean????

- Frank being Rochelle’s favorite teacher, and Rochelle being Frank’s favorite student confirmed 🥹

- there’s an awkward pause when Rochelle is venting to Laurie. The: “do I look buff? Girl yes have you been juicing?! No….” And then there’s a beat of silence lmaoo. What was that??

- okay so the last episode showed the final inning, they’d already had 2 outs and needed a win. Laurie avoided striking out and causing them that 3rd out by making base and then Kai sadly got out after her and everyone lost their minds. So I thought that was the end of the game??? But after everyone calms down they get back on the field to continue the play?? We don’t on screen confirmation of who won the championship but like?? Do I just not know softball cause if that was the final out in the final inning….doesn’t that mean the game is over??

- okay so yeah middle schoolers think high schoolers are cool but like does Rochelle lowkey have a crush on that one highschool girl we saw???

- why is Rochelle’s episode called raspberry? I get the others but hers is going over my head

(Adding on things as I remember them)

- in Vanessa’s episode she has her own little driving service Van’s Van and we see Francis as a passenger in one of the montages. Now I’ve been seeing people say Francis was apart of Frank’s imagination so does this prove he’s real?

- so the bleacher creatures bait Rochelle to try and get her keys to the snack shack but like what was their plan??? They say let us borrow your keys and then we give them back with your $200 bucks and that’s all….soooo did they actually have $200 bucks to pay her or were they planning on stealing the money she needed from her OWN JOB to give to her??? But that doesn’t make sense. Were they never intending to pay her at all?? Cause they get the keys anyway and we see in the end they were just gonna steal the cash box before Ira takes it and runs. What were they gonna do with the money?

- I loved seeing the bleacher creatures’ friendship with Ira before the end 🥺 like they actually listened to him and let him be himself. As a weird kid and the youngest sibling, that’s all we be wanting

- the barista purposely looking Frank straight in the eyes as she says “he’s like a brother to me you guys” 😭😭😭

[cinnaleaf]

I promised you all I’d do my best to make footy tumblr a safe space for everyone and it’s come to my attention that I had a mutual here that’s been harassing, manipulating, bullying and crossing several boundaries with at least two other people here. I never expected to have to write something like this but after seeing the extent of damage she’s caused, I can’t be silent about it.

Many of you have come across a blog who outwardly presents herself as “leading with love” but behind the scenes, she’s doing the exact opposite. None of this is speculation or a misunderstanding btw. I’ve seen the messages she sent to the blog she keeps subliminally posting about, I’ve seen patterns of behavior I’m familiar with as someone who has dealt with people like this irl. I know exactly what she is and I’m disgusted. At least two people have explicitly cut off contact with her, asked her to stop contacting them, and blocked her for their own mental health, only for her to bypass it by using anonymous asks to continue pushing her presence in what’s meant to be a safe space. She even went as far as pretending to be a Liverpool fan anonymously in order to force a conversation with a mutual who had already told her it was best that they never spoke again. We were able to figure out it was her because a previous ask from her blog was blocked yesterday, which subsequently deleted the other anons messages too. I have very valid reasons to believe she also attempted to dox someone by having access to their donation page as well, given what I know about how those services work.

This person has also been anonymously harassing larger blogs in this space to stir up conflict while hiding behind anonymity. This is not the first time this person has crossed boundaries and it seems to be a consistent pattern of behavior. She has pushed past what’s acceptable in regular convos, made people uncomfortable with her persistence and inability to read the room. She has manipulated people, called them names, played the victim when called out, and is currently trying to frame a “hate train” narrative that does not exist. I am being very clear when I say the common denominator in every situation is her. No one else in this space is having an issue with anyone but her. No one else is at the center of multiple fallouts, repeated conflict and invasive behavior. She’s not the victim and is the conductor of the “hate train” she claims. Her audacity would almost be admirable if it weren’t being used to fuel harassment. She’s gone even further and taunted people by reblogging “anti-harassment” resources while being the very one doing the harassing behind the scenes which I find to be very calculated, cruel and extremely disturbing behavior.

But you’re right. What’s done in the dark does come to light. Hiding behind vague posts, fake positivity and anonymous asks will not work anymore, and at this point it’s not just about calling out bad behavior. What I’ve said is only a very small snippet of what has happened but she’s made this space unsafe for people and I’m not going for any of that. If someone blocks you, it’s not an invitation to find another way to contact them. If someone says they don’t want to engage with you it’s not a challenge to break through their boundaries by any means necessary. It’s bordering on obsessive and continuously ignoring people’s boundaries and crashing out when you can’t get your way means you’re the problem.

To the person in question... I don’t know what’s going on in your life that makes you act in such a way but hurting others will not heal you. You’re loud online but clearly struggling with the reality of your life offline and instead of confronting that, you chose to lash out at people in a space where you think there are no consequences. You can’t hide behind positivity when your digital footprint is nothing but toxicity behind the scenes. You’ve created a reputation for yourself that is your own doing. There’s absolutely no hate train against you, people just genuinely don’t like the way you treat them and instead of taking accountability + reflecting on why it keeps happening, you double down, manipulate, harass, and attempt to frame yourself as a victim in a mess you created. I encourage you to seek help. The behavior you exhibit isn’t normal and is affecting people’s mental health which isn’t okay. I don’t say this to create a witch hunt against you or to start drama, it’s mainly for accountability of your own actions. And while you haven’t done anything to me directly, you’ve subjected your repeated cycles of harm to some of the sweetest people I’ve ever met on here and I won’t stand for the bullshit.

To everyone else reading this, please don’t fall for her act or the inevitable lash out that will come from this. If you’ve experienced similar harassment from this person please block and protect your peace. My DMs are also open if anyone would like to talk or vent.

x

[murdocs-sweetheart]

I had a .. well a thing happened last night (<- guy who crashed out, as had been expected for weeks now)

And um. I just am feeling rlly weird still and I’m rlly sorry if you’ve tagged me in anything or if we’re having a convo and I’m not replying or any other situation in which I’m neglecting our friendship.

I promise I still love and care about you. I’m not mad at you. I’m just having a go of it irl lately :(

Even though I’m not able to really interact with ppl one on one lately I’m still gonna be rbing stuff and maybe posting a little.

Just because I’m online and still not replying to you doesn’t mean I’m ignoring you. I don’t know how to properly explain it but please just trust me when I say I still love all you guys/p I’m just too burnt out to rlly do much more than occasionally drop some art and rb some stuff 😭

Gaaahhhh I hope this doesn’t come off as dismissive or rude I just feel so bad..

[dreaaspeaks]

How Tokio Hotel members would be in Hogwarts

idk why no one has thought of this but thanks to my irl, this idea has been rotting away at my brain (these ain't my gifs ya'll)

Bill Kaulitz

I know some people might disagree but Bill is a Slytherin, HEAR ME OUT

he is ambitious, cunning and highly persuasive

He is definitely one of those students that no one really knows why at face value why he got into his house

People presume, if he isn't in uniform, that he is a Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw

He takes his passions and ambitions very seriously and is willing to overwork both himself and sometimes unintentionally, the people around him to reach his goals

I feel like he hates potions and transfiguration but loves more easy going subjects like Care for Magical Creatures and Divination

He probably likes the idea of Defence Against the Dark Arts but hates the amount of essays required

Bill took Astronomy because it looked and sounded cool but after he saw the graph paper on his table during the first lesson, he has been trying to drop it ever since

No one believes that him and Tom are related let alone twins, people just thought that their last names were a coincidence

Very personable so I think he would be quite popular amongst students but his dislike for too much authority doesn't make him too popular amongst professors teaching subjects he doesn't like

Professors teaching subjects he is passionate about however, LOVE HIM

always doing random extra studies just because he wanted to and for extra credit

The type to not study and fail for subjects he hates

But will still pass even if he didn't study when it comes to subjects he likes

Likes to watch Quidditch matches to support his friends but will rather die than get on a broom

Barely passed Flying in first year

Is that one friends that knows everything about everyone in Slytherin and surprisingly, Hufflepuff (why? even he's not sure)

Has gotten so many detentions because of going against dress code

He bedazzled his robe and tie with fabric pens, bleach and rhinestones and never changed them back no matter how many warnings he got

He got asked to the yule ball by a Beaubatoux boy and istg Bill laughed at first thinking it was a joke

When he realised the guy was fr he said he would think about it and get back to him

He literally put off thinking about it until Tom and Georg sat him down to talk about it so he could finally make a decision

Bill said yes to the date literally three days before the ball but mumbled it so fast and left so fast that Gustav had to repeat what Bill said to the boy

Tom Kaulitz

Tom would be a Gryffindor.

Do I need to elaborate?

okay I probably should

He is less outwardly warm compared to Bill but he is more reliable

Tom is a loyal mf especially when it comes to his friends

However, he is in Gryffindor because he is very much willing to take a leap of faith

He is impulsive when it comes to a lot of things especially when it comes to school life

Went to Quidditch tryouts during second year as a dare from Georg and Bill with neither expecting him to do well

Bitch came out of tryouts with a Quidditch uniform and an inflated ego

Plays chaser for Quidditch team, pretty good player and uses Quidditch practice as an excuse to put off every other subject

"Why isn't the essay finished? It was due three days ago"

"Quidditch practice..."

that convo happened on the last week of school and he fully thought the Professor would buy it

To say he sucks at Potions is an understatement

When he found out he could drop potions in 6th year he ran a lap around the Gryffindor common room

He goes to every house party and gets absolutely smashed

SO.MANY.RUMORS

He is surrounded by rumors, literally unless they are in his inner circle, no one really knows what is true or fake when it comes to Tom

People think he is some mean asshole that pushes people away from Bill but in reality he is just protective when it comes to who Bill mixes with since Bill is in Slytherin

Plays the student population's need to drama well so he is a traditionally popular type of guy

At some point he ends up ACTUALLY liking a girl and everyone doesn't recognise him, like he is stumbling over himself and begging to do projects for just a slight chance to do the project with her

Starts to show off more during Quidditch games like tries to do tricks

almost falls off his broom but he will deny it and swear to Merlin that he meant to slip off the broom

Georg Listing

he is a Ravenclaw you cannot change my mind

He isn't like the nerdy super studious type of Ravenclaw (but really is any Raven though?)

He is the seven cups of coffee in the morning, two hours of sleep a night and getting constantly distracted by small side topics when studying type of Ravenclaw

off topic but I think he would be a muggle born who just adjusted really quickly to wizard life??

He would be into Defence Against the Dark Arts and charms like the hands on subjects mixed with essays

He HATES herbology, he could never keep the plants alive no matter how hard he tried

No one thinks he studies like everyone writes him off as the guy who didn't study because he doesn't do homework but he does really well in tests

Horrible credit

Great grades

Georg doesn't really speak up in class unless necessary and I see him falling asleep during Astronomy class

Like when his voice dropped after puberty people didn't even realise it was him talking because he talked so little in class

OUTSIDE OF CLASS HOWEVER

he parties just as much as Tom but stays more sober just incase they come across Professors

Georg plays Beater for Ravenclaw after he was asked to go to tryouts

When Tom and Georg are on the field together it is a bloodbath, Georg targets Tom and only Tom

One of those lowkey popular students, think Cedric Diggory

always helping the guys study and convincing them to at least study a bit

He isn't a sought after guy as a tutor but will accept to help anyone if asked

Kinda scary looking and isn't as open as Bill nor as big a party animal as Tom so he isn't approached very often by younger students tbh kinda feared for no reason, Gustav makes fun of him about it a lot

When it comes to dating at Hogs he is very straightforward, think how Fred asked Angelina

Romantic enough for it to be endearing but not too much for it to be creepy to a random cute girl yk?

Is definitely a Quidditch player boyfriend if you get where I'm going like will make the girl wear his jersey at his game and would magically become a better player after getting into a r/s

Gustav Schafer

I know people will argue that he is a Hufflepuff but like bffr have you actually seen how he acts on Tokio Hotel TV??

Gustav would be a Gryffindor

He would be a Gryffindor in like a Dean Thomas kinda way

If Tom was Cormac, Gustav would be Dean

Becomes besties with the House Elves during first year because he got lost on the way to potions

Never went to Bill's dorm because he is scared shitless of the Black Lake and that damn squid

the muggle born that never got used to magic

Like he would be sorting out his trunk or cleaning his house and halfway through he remembers he went to fucking magic school for 7 years

BIG Quidditch fan

Paints his face and has merch like the whole nine yards

If Tom misses ONE shot during a game, he would not hear the end of it from Gustav for like a month

Refuses to use a quill

Will straight up in front of a Professor use a pen

He would not get an owl, Georg talks so much shit about it because they can't write to each other the 'aesthetic' way

Gustav just gives people his email/number

Naturally with that he isn't the best in DADA or Transfigurations but he would be good in Herbology and Arithmancy

Throws Tom under the bus SO OFTEN

That's why everyone thinks he is so sweet and innocent, he would push Tom into the way of a Professor on the way back to the common room from a party

Sends Howlers to his friends as pranks

He doesn't know he's popular but he is popular and gets so many confessions every day but just shrugs them off

Like the confession letter could be from the hottest girl in their year and he would go

"Awe that's sweet"

AND MOVE ON

He is a sweetheart so he will ask a close friend to the Ball if he isn't interested in anyone

Even if he isn't interested in a romantic way he will still make it very cute and sweet to make his date feel special

If he is asking a girl on a actual date he would bring her to HoneyDukes and insist to pay for all her sweets

That's his big move, the HoneyDukes date (It's his thing)

(anyways so this is the first post of miiiine kinda long ngl)

[httpiastri]

I kinda get what that the other anon means about Ollie seeming a little, fake (for a lack of a better word), at times.

I think it's because of that classic FDA PR training which in the words of Marcus Armstrong teaches you to "say a lot of words which mean a bunch of nothing".

Everything he says feels so sanitised, I feel like you never really get to hear any genuine, strong opinions from him.

It's really hard to explain it in words if you don't see it for yourself. I think it's more obvious if you compare him to other F2 drivers like Christian or Pepe, for example. They speak with so much conviction and don't seem to mince their words (whilst keeping things civil still) and you get such a strong sense of personality from them.

Tbh I'm not even sure if we can blame the FDA entirely for this because Dino is part of the FDA but I feel like his personality still shines through.

Prema's social media team is good at making Ollie break out of character at times but you can always see him trying to keep it cute still.

I feel like the closest we get to seeing his real personality is when he leaves comments on his family's SM accounts. Everyone views him as this well-behaved golden retriever but those comments show that he's actually quite sassy irl, he low-key seems like a menace (in the best way haha).

In a way I don't blame him for trying to maintain a certain image because people seem so eager to jump at any chance to cancel public figures these days.

I'm not gonna lie, part of it is also the cheating rumours for me. I don't consider cheating to be a trivial thing. It shows a real lack of character and integrity and I don't put anything past people who are capable of cheating. If people are allowed to be put off from Mini and Montoya because of their cheating rumours, then I don't see why it should be any different for Ollie. Of course, I don't think this should mean that people get to send any hate or abuse to the drivers but I don't blame them for side-eyeing them at least.

oh 100%!! we know how picky the fda is with their drivers and how they media train them. its funny how you used dino also because idk if i agree 100%? like i think he seems like such a funny dude but 90% of the time, he's holding all that back bcs of how he was brought up in the academy… he also seems "fake" in that way, esp when you compare clips of him from prema 2024 to when he was with paul in 2023 etc. but yes definitely letting more loose than ollie….. also thinking abt how paul has been very calm and collected in a media way but whenever he was with dino….🥹

lol yeah it would take a lotttt to hear a proper strong opinion from him… he aint gonna say anything other than "the car felt kinda bad but it’s okay 🙂" for at least a good while lol! and ofc no opinions on non-racing stuff like that….. god yes abt his sm comments, i saw a comment the other day that made me so "!! yes this is him!!!!" but now i cant remember what it was 🫠

but like yes as you say, i understand it 100%. damn its not easy to just "be yourself" without controlling your personality even as a "normal" person, so to expect a celeb who's got the entire racing world watching him to just be 110% himself without thinking about how he looks or what people think ?? that would be insane. all celebs do it, whether we notice it or not, so like 🤷‍♀️ plus he's still young, not even 20 yet….

yeah i get your point with the cheating… i agree with my entire heart, i have had this convo with friends before because i am not okay with people who cheat in any way (i don't see how it would even be possible that people do that?? it's so…. no i wont even think too much bcs im boiling already), so this situation has me kinda conflicted. obvs since there's no proof from anywhere, we can't properly know what happened. but in my mind, ebba (and maybe hermes) is way more reliable than estelle. like just… the amount of stuff going on around her, the rumors she starts and spreads… damn idk 😓 but i understand your point of it too!! i usually always support a girl who claims they were cheated on!!! it's just estelle i dont trust ig? :/

[accala]

Gordon Freeman and "The Player" : A Theory

(Spoilers for HLVRAI & HLGTA)

It's interesting to note that at the start of the first HLVRAI stream, Gordon, or rather the player addresses the chat as if they were streaming a modded Half-Life VR game. And as the series progresses, the chat disappears. Gordon starts acting as if the events in Black Mesa were real, to the point he’s questioning his reality. Any allusions to video game mechanics is met with confusion and hysteria. And the real kicker is that Gordon starts feeling real pain in-game. And then there's that convo about the Science Team's dreams later on in the series—with Gordon’s dream being a streamer for JustinTV. As if he wasn't already a streamer at the start of HLVRAI.

Gordon and The Player as a Single Entity

(NOTE: I’ve heard that some members had little to no knowledge about Half-life when they streamed the series. I know they didn't expect the series to grow in popularity—that's why chat was present in previous streams. And I'm VERY aware that the plot's built from improv and duct tape. But bear with me here as I try to build something coherent from Gordon’s behavior throughout HLVRAI.)

I like to think that the player was slowly getting sucked into the game. Maybe the resonance cascade was the catalyst that made everything real to the player—the reason why they could feel pain.

The player and Gordon were slowly melding together as one entity—Gordon's and the player's memories started meshing together. That's why Gordon mentions his wish to be a streamer, despite as the player, he already is one. That's why Gordon confidently says he has a son named Joshua, even though in canon he doesn't exist—Joshua being a part of the player's memories. Or why they mention going to MIT for theoretical physics, even though this info is part of canon Gordon's backstory.

Sure. This could be a player, who has little knowledge of Half-life, “roleplaying” as Gordon in order to play the game (as they mentioned at the start of the first stream). But when you start feeling sensation from drowning, monsters, gunshots, and getting your arm chopped off, why would you go through great lengths to stay “in-character”? Why bother roleplaying when it's clear that the game's broken? Why continue being Gordon Freeman?

I think, at a certain point in the series, the Player became Gordon and Gordon became the Player.

Despite Gordon's memories overtaking the player, I do think they were the bigger influence here. Gordon's personality in this series was based of the player, in which their choices were mostly influenced from.

The Player as Themselves

[DISCLAIMER: For the rest of this post, I will be addressing "The Player" as "Wayne" (and mentioning Holly), since Gnome Chompski talks about them in-universe. I am in NO WAY talking about the IRLs in this context. HLGTA implies that wayneradiotv's channels are canon in the HLGTA universe. However, HLGTA is yet to be confirmed as canon in the HLVRAI universe—from what I know. For the sake of the rest of this post, I will be talking under the context that HLGTA is canon in the HLVRAI universe; and will mention “Wayne” and "Holly" as fictional counterparts of the real deal.]

And then there's the whole HLGTA series. It's clear that this time, the player is fully himself. And that the player IS Wayne. They even reference to the gnome that they’re not Gordon:

"Tell me about the time you saved the world, Gordon!" - Gnome Chompski

"The what? I'm not Gordon Freeman. That's not what this is. This is not HLVR. This is Half-Life: Alyx." - Wayne

[Half-life: Alyx but the Gnome is TOO AWARE (ACT 1 : PART 1) (29:45)]

The thing is, Wayne doesn't dispute that HLVRAI didn't happen, just that it's the wrong game. He even alludes to playing the game as Gordon, with the words "this is worse than Half-Life VR" in Act 1 Part 2. Wayne completely detaches himself from Gordon here, with how he's "wayneradiotv the streamer" not "Freeman the Black Mesa scientist.”

Those were just my observations. Whether or not this theory has any basis is up to your interpretation and the upcoming HL2VRAI.

The Gnome and Its Implications (Optional)

The gnome interchanges the name Wayne and Gordon, as if they knew that Wayne played as Gordon in the previous series. It's also self-aware (hah pun) of HLVRAI as a Youtube series and of Holly. This implies two things:

That HLVRAI was just roleplay in-universe, instead of actual AI gone wrong.

That Wayne was able to save the HLVRAI streams and upload it to Youtube despite the AI glitches. And that Holly voice-acted for the beta version of the Half-Life VR mod.

Honestly, I think these references were more of a meta call back to the previous series. But if we want to read TOO MUCH into the plot, then I'm leaning on the latter:

Wayne decided to test a beta version of a VR mod (in which Holly voice-acted in) on stream. Said VR mod turned glitchy, which led to getting sucked into the game and his mind fusing with Gordon. Then Gordon-Wayne formed a bond with the AIs and defeated gamer frat bro cthulhu in an epic battle sequence. Went to a Chuck E. Cheese party. Robbed some banks. And never met the AIs again. He proceeded to edit his salvaged streams and upload them into his Youtube channel.

He then went on to download a mod for his gnome run in HLAVR. This time, Wayne was fully himself, and continuing as a streamer. Said gnome was weirdly an amalgamation of the Science Team's (& Benrey's) personalities. Met another talking gnome but blue that got crushed by a garbage press. Carried Chompski till the end, until said gnome used his game fleshsuit to crossover to the real world.

(NOTE: Funny how a gnome was able to accomplish something that Dr. Coomer couldn't. Also sad if Gordon-Wayne was a real thing 'cause imagine reclaiming your identity, only for a baby midget gnome to take it away.)

If HLGTA does turn out to be canon, what does that mean for "Gordon" since Wayne has been turned into a gnome? Will it be "canon" Gordon this time? Will Gordon be different now that he's been influenced by Wayne, like how Wayne was influenced by Gordon?

It would be interesting to see a different-yet-similar Gordon for HLVRAI part two. Wayne as Alyx is a crack theory that kinda makes sense after HLGTA’s ending, with how Alyx was the last character he played as. But it’s likely that Gordon-Wayne will get a come back (Not sure how he’ll get de-gnomed though). HL2VRAI’s probable main premise could be Wayne finding his way back to the real world.

(Watch me get proven wrong. After HL2VRAI comes out, I’m gonna look like a clown)

[an-obsessed-cactus]

I think i may be asexual?!

(okay this got longer than expected and i wanted to stop talking cuz ppl won't read it if it's so long and then i realized I'm not here to please anybody and i just wanna process some stuff so. yeah. also i come to realizations farther down that contradict some stuff from the beginning but I'll just leave my whole thought process here)

fun. um. I've realized I'm not straight two years ago and then started learning more about all things LGBT related and think myself educated enough on this topic but.

I've been pondering my sexuality and gender identity again more in recent days and. today i randomly stumbled across a yt video where the author (are you an author on yt? my brain is glitching rn)(also the 'author' in question is @jaidenanimationsofficial wonderful videos love the animation and the humor) talks about being aroace. few hours pass, my stomach hurts like hell so i go to lay down and sleep a bit, wake up and have a realization.

i googled again what asexuality is and read some more on this. i did this before and i guess i didn't see myself in it? so i kinda crossed it off the list of possible identities. i guess because i do want to have sex. i think. I'm not opposed to it and i get horny lmao. but that's only with fictional characters and works? like i just think: that was very sexy of you. but in a platonic way?! sex doesn't cross my mind. (also can you get aroused by music? or a good written work? or movie? like not even the characters but the work itself?) sorry i dunno I'm confused.

anyway i got a bit off track. what i wanted to say was that i suddenly remembered a convo i had with my sister a while ago where we talked about what is the difference between friendship and a romantic relationship. and she said it's that u wanna have sex with them and i was like ... i don't really think that's it...

and like. i get crushes i think. but I've never experienced this want to have sex with a particular person at least that i could remember. like a want to have sex? i guess yeah i mean not rlly sth i think about much but it's not unprecedented(see: i get horny)

honestly I'm not even sure anymore if im not aromantic as well. cuz queerplatonic sounds more like my jam?

like i felt(feel?) like omnisexual described me well because i think I'd be attracted to who the person is at their core. what if ur straight as a girl, date a boy, and then it turns out he's trans? i dunno i feel like gender isn't this fixed thing which then kinda creates problems when labeling urself with a certain sexuality. aaaa people came irl and i lost my train of thought. um. i feel like labeling myself anything other than omnisexual would feel limiting. even if i never developed a crush on a girl for example (i did), i still feel like i could potentially. like there's nothing stopping me. why shouldn't I?

OKAY SO

that was written yesterday. it is now today and i have a whole lot of new thoughts and realizations.

I had a bit of a marathon with @jaidenanimationsofficial videos and i came across an older one she mentioned in the previous one i watched about being aroace(ik it's a mess) about how she couldn't understand why when romantic feelings are not mutual people don't just continue being friends. and i was like EXACTLY WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?! and um. ahem. do u really see it as a problem? I guess if everyone does. but I'm starting to seriously consider if I'm aroace as well which woah there. this happened in a span of a day and I'm not sure it's real and it doesn't feel real? some time will have to pass for me to check out this theory cuz. ppl often say they felt like there was sth wrong with them and then they discovered these terms and were like aHA that's it! that explains everything! and I didn't... have that? and I'm not sure to what extent i identify with aroace because reasons(ill talk about some of it below). and I'm not saying that not having this realization moment or not feeling like sth is wrong with me through my life devalidates my orientation and stuff but it makes me doubt i guess?

i also came to an important discovery that aroused and horny are not the same. who would have thought?! I said above i get horny but apparently being horny means to want to have sex. and i just get the physical part aka arousal. fun. someone help pls im so confused.

okay for the last part(which prolly won't be the last part but one can hope right?)

i said i realized i wasn't straight two years ago. that was when i realized i like my best friend as more than i friend. well it wasn't exactly that simple. tbh i think Lucifer(the series i am NOT a satanist) helped a lot with that? like i knew about some lgbt stuff before because I'm alive on this planet but it kinda made me think about a lot of stuff, and between that stuff was my sexuality as well. idk. it's not like i had a crush on any of the female characters. just got me thinking for some reason. like why is having sex with people you're not romantically involved with wrong? why is prostitution wrong if u enjoy it and get money for it and it's well managed and secure? but that's beside the point.

well anyway I didn't know what i felt towards my bff(I'll say bff cuz bf also stands for boyfriend so it feels weird) but it felt like more than friendship. didn't feel like sth romantic tho. then i discovered queerplatonic relationships exist and i was like i think that's it! and then new school year came i saw her again and doubts flared up. again there was never i wanna have sex with her, but there was an occasional i wanna kiss her. and she was so important to me so it has to be romantic love right?! romance is the highest form of love one can experience afterall! nothing whatsoever can compare to it!! it feels ✨magical✨ when you find you will finally be completed!!! anyways.

it felt like romantic love was the only thing that could justify me feeling this way. i won't go deeper into this because i already have a draft where i do(i have like 16 drafts with uncompleted rambles so...) I'll try to post it but. i told her and we're still good friends! it actually made me closer to the rest of my friend group(which i was only a part of on the paper before)(i was so focused on my bff before I didn't really do group) because i felt a bit distanced from her for a while(she's a people pleaser like me and even tho i think i can read her well im paranoid and i thought she may feel weird?). anyways i got close with 3 other amazing ppl in the meantime and my friendship with my bff hasn't suffered!

but between my feelings being kinda realized and me telling her a whole year has passed and in the end i wasn't even sure what i was feeling anymore just that i didn't want her not to know. idk.

now im wondering what it was. even back then half year pre confession i was thinking if it was just because someone was finally paying attention to me. i didn't really do friends before (i kinda had them but there were no deep convos or shared secrets) and then there was suddenly this person who genuinely enjoys spending time with me! and listens to my problems! and weird obsessions! this sounds kinda sad put like this ngl lmao. but this was the first time I had that deep connection with someone. two years in my confused feelings came. geez i got off track again. point is i thought i was straight up until then and then had a crisis cuz i thought i only liked her cuz she was giving me attention cuz i was straight goddamit! ANYWAYS.

this post has lost all direction. it is a frustrated ramble of a very confused person. let us continue

i will just sum up how i feel about genders and people because I'm a chronic oversharer. oops doops.

men: find them aesthetically pleasing, all celebrity crushes are in this category (there's only one really but if i found a celebrity attractive like not objectively but to me it was a man), i would also get kinda crushes on boys my age when i spent 5 minutes with them. don't ask. i think it's dopamine mining(i suspect i have adhd). im not used to male company and i kinda don't like it that much but the the ?butterflies? are still there. tbh i don't really know what to do with men. doesn't stop me from having crushes tho. i don't have any real desire to be in a romantic relationship with men. i don't exclude the possibility but i haven't found one i would want it with. i also don't know now to interact with them. let alone flirt. actually flirt in general. it feels like it would be cringe and belongs in bad movies.

women: freaking amazing!! love them! no celebrity crushes, one irl crush which might have moved beyond crush(i suspected the L word for a while) to friends or it might have never been a crush in the first place! help! now there's another friend outside of my friend group who i may like. or i just enjoy her company? im not used to this yet. i forgot i think im aroace. this is killing me.

nonbinary/other genders: I haven't met any yet. there are some on discord servers im a part of but I don't really interact much just lurk there. i think irl experience would be different anyway.

someone please explain sth to me. you have sexual attraction okay get that(not really but that's not the point). but then there's romantic attraction. how do you separate that from friendship? just this intense feelings of wanting to be with them at all times? okay myb myb let's say u can separate them from friendship. what about queerplatonic? guys??

i am starting to dislike labels. this is confusing.

also i gotta figure this romantic thing out cuz im writing a fantasy series and there's romance involved lol.

okay so i guess i am at least asexual cuz i don't see ppl and go 'i wanna have sex with them'. i am not yet thoroughly convinced im aromantic as well but we'll see about that ig. because i still don't understand what the difference between romance and deep friendship is. aghhh

although if i can't tell the difference myb that answers the question.

also how does someone who is asexual but romantically attracted to all genders label themselves? like omnisexual ig doesn't work cuz it omnisexual.

i went to google aromantic and.

"demiromantic people have romantic attraction only after forming an emotional bond with another person."

HOW ELSE DO YOU HAVE ROMANTIC ATTRACTION??? Isn't this about who the person is?! Do you just see them and go: oh this must be such a good person. what?

like i understand sexual attraction when you see someone ig. but romantic? i really need someone to explain this to me in depth. i haven't even been asking the right questions.

"Quoiromantic people can't tell the difference between romantic and platonic attractions." Welp i guess i have a new label i can stick on myself. also the name is killing me. (quoi=what in french💀)

(edit: well this thing just posted itself. I DIDN'T HIT POST WTF. but it's out there now. ig it had enough of me adding new and new thoughts. im inclined to agree)

[lizbethborden]

3 deans from Columbia resigned over texts they sent during a panel on antisemitism on campus, including vomit emojis, suggestions that a rabbi speaking was "taking full advantage of this moment. Huge fundraising potential," and suggesting that comments on how Israeli and Jewish students felt uncomfortable in their dorms were "Laying the case to expand physical space! They will have their own dorm soon," with a response of "Comes from such a place of privilege... hard to hear the woe is me." An additional remark was "if only every identity community had these resources and support... Share resources!!"

I don't necessarily believe they should have had to resign. I don't think they were particularly smart about this convo either. That being said, there's more than a whiff of antisemitism, pulling on some old strings related to the exclusivity and apparent hostility to outsiders of Jewish communities, not to mention the whole money-grubbing rich Jew thing (the rabbi just wants money, this identity group is privileged and already has all the resources bc Jews are rich, etc). The idea that rich, privileged Jews are just whiners who can't tolerate a reasonable level of discomfort is... pretty prevalent in virtually all leftist environments right now. The number of people I've seen, even mutuals, saying that Jewish people on here are making things all about themselves, that we only care about what happens to US, that we're all speaking from privilege, etc...

This isn't me saying that reasonable humanitarian criticism of a Jewish person can't happen or that it is always antisemitic. There are certainly many Jewish people deserving of criticism especially w/r/t their response to the genocide being carried out in Gaza. But I am going to say that quite a lot of you probably haven't even met a Jewish person IRL (note: no, we don't have horns) and maybe need to start self-examining a bit regarding how you go about your criticisms and arguments. Of course, I don't expect anyone to actually self-examine because nobody cares about Jewish people and nobody is interested in examining a load-bearing structural element of their cultural self-image.

[handsinterlaced]

hi this is gonna be my niall experience as I just need to get it out and I’m sure irls are SICK of me talking abt it <3 pls enjoy or ignore up to u

proof being delusional works!

june 27: I fly my ass out to toronto!!! and at this point I’m just giggling w a friend joking around what if I meet Niall

june 28: today is niall’s 1st show in Toronto hehe

I was eating lunch at a random restaurant I stopped by on queen st and I was soooo excited / nervous I couldn’t eat! basically forcing myself to eat so I don’t die at the concert fjdjskks but yeah after like half an hour of picking my food I start to feel unsettled.. and a lil bit uneasy! idk it was suchhhhh a weird feeling but u always gotta listen to ur gut!!

U GOTTA LISTEN TO UR GUT!!

DONT IGNORE IT

it was sooo strange like at that moment I knew I had to leave the restaurant RIGHT NOW and so I did! I was like half an hour walk away from my air bnb so I’m like that’s fine I’ll just walk back & still have plenty of time before the show to get ready and stuff! there were so many different ways to walk back. I could’ve crossed the street earlier or turned the corner sooner but the path I chose led me right to Niall 😭😭 I wasn’t even looking for him!!! but I was waiting for the crosswalk… look up and who do I see? NIALL FUCKING HORAN RIGHT THERE

- ngl tho niall in a cap and sunglasses is such a great disguise FJKSKAKA I would not have recognized him if tour manager wasn’t with him! shoutout to jstir (I met him when I was like 13 when he was working for Cody simpson and taking everyone’s m&g photos fjdjskks that man’s face is engraved in my mind so I was able to recognize him pretty quick!) like who knew my 13 year old phase would come back 10 years later and help me out !!!

anyways so Niall is across the street and I’m just fighting w myself debating if I should go up to him or not 😭😭 the saying never meet ur heroes is kinda true JDKDKAKA it changes u & all the expectations u have! Ultimately I figured that this was my 1 chance to say something so I just went for it. If I didn’t I’d probably regret it for the rest of my life!

I just know my voice was shaky and I was super nervous but niall was so sweet and patient <3 like I felt so bad just going up to him 😭😭 hes just out and about… trying to be incognito & enjoy some free time FJSKKA like I am quite aware but when else could this happen u feel 🥲 anyways here is the convo from what I remember bc I blacked out (as u do when u meet ur fave)

me: hi Niall!! just wanted to say hi and let you know how excited I am to see you perform tonight and tomorrow <3

niall: hi how are you! oh you’re going to both shows? is that right? we’re actually headed to the venue now

me: oh! If that’s the case I don’t wanna keep you guys. Would it be alright if we took a photo?

niall: yes of course!

the photos (cropped myself out bc Toronto humidity is my enemy & I was a sweaty mess from walking back to the air bnb)

and then I just say thank u so much! see u at the show hahaha and SPRINT OFFFFJFKSKAK like I ran so fast bc I needed to get away and scream 😭😭

mind u I be carrying my leftovers the entire time JFKSKAK SO FUNNY

I DIDNT EVEN INTRODUCE MYSELF! WISH I TOLD HIM I FLEW MY ASS OUT! THAT HE NEEDS TO TOUR MORE CITIES IN CANADA! TO PUT NEW ANGEL ON THE SETLIST!! so much I wish I said but again thankful they were on the way to the venue so I was forced to keep it short so I didn’t continue to yap and embarrass myself further. it could’ve been so much worse! just gotta remind myself that.

sat in the air bnb for like 2 hours in silence trying to process what happened fjdjskks would’ve been longer but I had to get to the show! anyways I was like 15 rows back on the floor and had the best time <3

june 29: Toronto night 2!!!

I’m sat 2nd row floor… right next to the barricade and I’m so close I know that niall can see me 😭😭😭 idk if it’s the delusion but I keep making eye contact with niall and he keeps looking at me! probs thinking oh is it that weirdo from the street yesterday 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 LMFAO but U TELL ME!! IS IT DELUSION BC I THINK I GOT PROOF RIGHT HERE

felt too perceived by him tbh JDKKA needed to run and hide! like eye contact was crazy djdjjsjs

OKAY THAT IS ALL FOR NOW I THINK! if u made it this far I am so amazed ty for reading the rambles <3

[elisedonut]

I know you’re a big fan of Percy. What are your thoughts on post-Perdrey divorce Percelope? Like Percy and Audrey get a divorce and then he reunites with Penny?

I mean like I'm not super big on second chance romance personally mostly because i couldn't stand it when i was trying to date people irl so that taints the way i see it in fiction

very if you break up you should just stay that way why bother trying again.

ofc now i know it's because i never loved any of them but thats besides the point

but like i can always be convinced

I could see how that could be fun probably not something i would seek out personally but i could see how the whole shared history and having to bond with Molly and Lucy could be neat

and since they dated while in school it was early enough in their lives that by the time this happens they ate practically different people

even more so due to going through the war

I could see them making assumptions on both sides that lead to having long convos about expectations just to get whiplash because the next moment their already on the same page

[blueberrypie20]

Okay i never thought i'd do this but

vent! :D I was trying to be chill about it but my throat is so crumpled it leaves no way for me to breath and so i thought maybe i had to share it with someone. I'll use Japanese names so no one woukd understand our irl names ^^

You see, i have ARFID (avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder) since a very young age (I don't eat potatoes, eggplants, mayonnaise and some more - basically no salad, fries, chips etc) and so I don't eat most popular foods.

So today we had soup, and my ARFID kicked in like "the stuff in it is too softened! It'll taste bad!" And so for a while I kept on playing with the soup.

I convinced myself that it's good, and right before eating i asked my mom "is it delicious?" Wanted to make sure it's gonna taste nice and better than expected. And she nodded smiling. So i went to eat, but my aunt - who happened to have heard a part of our convo - thought I didn't like it and told mom "it's not delicious" and so she told my grandma (who was preparing chicken that they had before) "she doesn't eat soup! Bring chicken!"

And I was like "wdym?? I like it?? I'm eating tho??" And my mom explained what I actually had told her before eating. But my aunt didn't give up and went "then why'd you say she doesn't eat this before dinner?" My mom was like WDYM??

Girl's so damn judgmental 😀

So we started eating and my mom and aunt kept talking, and i don't remember how we got there (I was busy eating to take her face down lol, I think my mom did tell her she's talking weirdly) but my aunt was like "okay if i'm judgemental then why'd your daughter tell me 'why'd you come upstairs?? Wanna eavesdrop/spy on us or something??' When I came upstairs the other day??" I was like NAH WTF 🤨 (grandma's house has two floors, we sleep upstairs when we come)

And a few mins after again she said that I insulted her baby daughter Hikari (not irl) a while ago. sure, I sometimes can't control and curse, but why exactly would I ever insult an 8 MONTH OLD BABY???

(Btw the soup wasn't THAT bad, but stupid mind kept on pressuring my mind as 'it tastes bad' and so I couldn't finish my bowl anyway-)

You know what? I wanted to cry. I was the usual unflappable polaris in front of her and my (poor, poor) grandma (i'm worried for her), but I couldn't breathe when I went upstairs after dinner with my mom.

Let alone that I have a guilt complex as well and apologized to my grandma twice bc of what happened eventhough I wasn't the main issue.

Anyway, it was a trash meal, but i kept calm and the mask didn't slip in front of her, and so i'm TRYING to stay chill n happy about it :)))

[l-tora-l-archived]

HELLO CUTIE WHATS UR MAIN BLOG, SHARE PLS XOXO

HIIII sorry for taking like ten centuries to respond to this but like tbh ;; Im quitting tumblr I think. (ALSO UNI PLS IGNORE THIS LOL ITS MAINLY FOR EVERYONE ELSE CAUSE I ALR TOLD YOU ID POST THIS HAHA😭🙏)

Mega explanation under the cut talking abt some of the trashy behaviour I've had to experience on this forsaken app over the years, but mostly how I feel about it so yeah if you don't care that's alr hope everyone has a good life, cause as I said I quit.

I deleted the new blog I ended up making bc this environment has never really been welcoming to me and I can 100% say that tumblr has actively made my experiences with practically everything irl AND online worse than any fruitful goodness it has or could ever bring. From putting my everything into relationships including comfort, support and psychological + therapeutic sessions for people even over ten yrs older than me (at times older) without even getting a single kind thought back, to the genuine rudeness of some people, to the (excuse my language) but half assed and crude responses I receive ... honestly the list is endless.

One thing I'm trying to get better at is to notice when my presence is clearly not wanted and act accordingly. It's just saddening that the one place where it's encouraged to be your true "nerdy" self, as the catchphrase of this site is, I am not allowed to be just that. I really do wonder what part of me is so incredibly intolerable or forgettable, that I am expected to practically grovel for even ten minutes of people's time - and that's with the closest people I know, forget abt ten minutes for regular conversation I can't even get ten minutes from the people I stood with through thick and thin with, even though I myself struggle really hard to be there and yet always am.

From now on I'll just say that no I will definitely not come back, I will also not use this account and if I ever DO come back it would probably just be a call out thread on SOME people who deserve jail time more than silly time on tumblr dot come /hj (but not rlly hj hahejdsj this is so srs and continues to impact my life after almost 2 years ... but ugh what.ever.😀👍). But I'm also a coward ngl so like that would never happen !

I would say "oh btw I have this account you can keep in touch on ! :>" but truthfully, I am so let down by how uninteractive, uncaring and exclusionary everyone is no matter how hard I try to do the best I can to treat others how I'd love to be treated, and how I basically am sweating to keep convos going, bc in truth I don't think anyone rlly likes me enough here or anywhere really to even want to talk to me in general, so I'll spare you all that. The proof is literally in the fact that I've amassed a sizeable following which I am shocked with, yet despite it all I feel so lonely bc nobody even bothers with me at all whilst ppl who just start out get 50 best friends in such a short time frame. I see I am not everyone's cup of tea.

I once thought maybe just maybe I could have a good time online just how everyone suggests that online is better than irl and it is a reprieve for some. Looks like I am eternally unlucky bc how is online on par or perhaps even worse than irl for me ? And make no mistake irl is atrocious to me too.

I do not mean this to be passive aggressive but I just want to communicate my thoughts. If I was being passive aggressive that'd imply that I knew that everyone here was capable of treating me as I wanted, as I have consistently treated my "friends" on here, as a reciprocated effort. But as this thread suggests, that was and can never be a reality for me.

TLDR // not coming back bc :

People genuinely don't care or don't put in any effort at all

Bullies (mean ppl way at the beginning of my account) + I am let down how everyone let TWO whole adults get away with being weird to a then minor (me) right in front of your faces

Very traumatised and uncomfortable being on this app to the point I can barely even socialise at all from the precipitating impacts.

Hope everyone has a good life.

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I’m requesting yet again for yall not to leave me comments, I don’t need them and I don’t even necessarily want them. Especially if you’re going to question me and I don’t know you. I don’t care to defend myself. I hate conversing through comments, yeah I know it’s a thing but I don’t like it. I prefer messaging on tumblr or even an ask.

My reputation as a Shinichi hater is alive and well. Good, cause it’s true and I won’t deny it. I’ve been trying to escape this ship for years now and I still haven’t. I’ve said a million times I’m just here for Shiho, give me a better option and I’ll jump ships in a heartbeat! I just can’t get over how cruel he was to her, and how he tried to get into her good graces by pretending to be nice. Plus the canon ship propaganda is so tiring. Sure recently we’ve gotten some stellar moments and I try to focus on that, but I just think my queen deserves better. She deserves someone who can and will love her loudly without making her feel like they settled. Yes his actions speak louder than his words and it’s clear he cares about her, but then I get stupid shit about the canon ship and I’m just like really? This again? Give me a reason to root for them! Or at the very least let my queen live and let her move on. I could care less about him. Everyone fucking loves him already, where’s the love for my queen? I swear most fics go on about how perfect he is and how she’s the problem and how much she needs him, miss me with that bs. I get that in canon, and I’m so over it.

Now excuse me while I continue to write CoAi fics that end happily

Update: while I’m here ranting on my blog. I truly don’t understand why we continue to romanticize the idea of him being an idiot and expecting them to be closer when he didn’t fucking ask or make things clear. The amount of times I’ve heard my irl peeps complain about not knowing where they stand with someone cause it was never clarified is annoying. I don’t want that in fiction too even if I do prefer things to be realistic! Either let my queen make a move and be like this is what I want with you or have him say the actual words to get them together! What’s with all this not knowing and not being on the same page even though you’re supposed to know each other best??? Idk man. I just find it ooc for her to be open with her feelings so I think he has to be the one to spell it out. But then I read this fic and I’m like it’s well written sure but why is it my queen’s fault that she thinks they would be better off apart? That’s very in character to me. And yes him having a problem with it also makes sense, but then to have him go around and play the victim and be like why don’t you understand me???? Like what???? Boy you fucking didn’t say shit! And okay sure you can say she avoided him cause she would, but then why wouldn’t he be clear when they have the actual convo like why make her guess? She’s going to second guess cause of course she would! And that just makes it a whole mess again! Cause now he’s upset with her and she doesn’t get it and he still isn’t being straightforward. It’s 2024, is it really that hard to get a real confession out of him? Must it be coerced like whatever bs happened with the canon ship? Does he really have to lose her to finally go after her?? Cause at that point I low key fucking wish he would. I just really freaking hate that it’s always her fault. Why the fuck is it always her fault for not catering to him? I’m so annoyed cause I like the writing style but it’s exhausting reading this bs. I want out of this fandom. I really want to be done. I care way too fucking much and it’s not healthy at all for me.