#I was meant to go to sleep at 10 yesterday and i stayed up til 2 😭

[demonstars]

turns out I was not infact here all night. I'm doing good hbu?

it happens!! I'm seeing how i can include the moral dilema in managing common life into this royal george drabble as one does

[neverendingdream111]

“A stubborn friend” [Diluc x gn!reader]

> It was almost 10 pm when you finished the last comission for the day

> To say you were tired was a big understatement, and the only thing that was on your mind was getting some well-deserved sleep

> But then you remembered you had one more thing to do - you had to deliver a message to your friend, Diluc, from the knights (they weren’t on the best of terms since the incident and Kaeya was one of the most annoying little shits people in Mondstadt, you were a messenger of some sort)

> Wanting to get this over with, you headed to Angel’s Share, hoping to find him there

> Seems like the Archons (Venti) wanted to make this even more difficult for you, because behind the bar stood Charles, which meant that the redhead wasn’t on shift tonight

> Since you were a regular visitor at the tavern (not because you liked drinking, no, that was a job for Kaeya and Venti who you often found yourself looking after when Diluc was at the verge of loosing his patience for the two), you decided to talk for a little while with the present bartender, who gave you the information that the person you were looking for was most likely at Dawn Winery, working on some paperwork

>You thanked him and said your goodbyes, heading to the Winery

> It didn’t really matter to you that it was late - you were more than capable of protecting yourself. After all, your reputation as one of the strongest members of adventurers guild didn’t come from nothing, right?

> Anyway, your trek went smoothly and soon you found yourself standing at the entrance of Diluc’s home

> Adelinde - the head housemaid - let you in, saying that the owner was in his office. The staff knew you well, considering you came here quite often. Be it a commission or just because you wanted to see your friend; you definitely didn’t need a guide to show you where to go, so you headed straight to the room where Diluc was

> You weren’t even surprised when he had told you without raising his head that he didn’t need anything and wished to not be disturbed, most likely thinking you were one of the maids

> You just walked across the room, stopping in front of his desk and placing the envelope right on the document he was currently reading. You only took your hand back when he finally met your gaze, which took him a few seconds after recovering from his surprise at the action

> “What are you doing here?” he asked, opening the envelope, his crimson orbs quickly scanning the contents of the letter

> “Playing a messenger, if you haven’t already noticed” you shrugged, crossing your arms “How long ‘til you finish all of this?”

> He just sighed, placing the letter on a nearby pile of papers “I don’t know, possibly an hour...”

> “... or five. Look, I know you have insomnia and your job is important, but we talked about this, Diluc. You need to get some rest” you narrowed your gaze, exasperated at his behavior. It wasn’t the first time (and most likely not the last) when a situation like this occurred. If there was an even bigger workaholic than Jean, it was without a doubt him

> “I thought you were merely delivering the message?” he raised an eyebrow at you, clearly too tired to argue

> “I’m just being a good, caring friend, and that’s how you repay me?” you gasped dramatically, placing a hand on your chest in mock offendence. A glare from him caused you to stop your ministrations, sighing again at his stubborness “But seriously, you should go get some sleep”

> “I cannot--”

> “Diluc” you interrupted him, now compeletly serious “It’s not up to discussion”

> He stared at you for a moment longer, and...

> ... ignored you

> this man--

> “Ok, that’s it” you started gathering his papers on one pile, so he couldn’t reach for them, and then placed them on the coffe table that stood in front of a sofa on the other side of the room “I tried being nice but apparently, it didn’t work”

> “Y/N--”

> “No buts, mister, you’re going to rest whether you like it or not” you then marched up to him and grabbed his arms, forcing him to stand up. He didn’t fight when you led him to his bedroom, too exhausted for this now

> He might be stubborn but you were even more so

> When you finally reached your destination, you helped him out of his coat that he still wore and placed it on the back of a nearby chair. Then you exited the room, letting him change into more comfortable clothes. When he was done, he just opened the door and sat on the bed without a word

> You soon joined him, and then he decided to speak up “We both know that I will most likely not fall asleep...” he murmured, slight irritation still evident in his voice

> “You do have a point here...” you sighed, thinking about a way which would help him

> Then you came up with an idea

> You undid his hair tie, letting the crimson waves fall comfortably on his shoulders, and he immediately grabbed your wrist, somehow startled by the move

> “What are you doing?” he asked, a light pink dusting his cheeks

> “It always helps me to calm down when someone plays with my hair, so i figured it’d work for you as well” you smiled sheepishly, for the first time this evening not so sure of your actions

> He looked at you for a moment longer, letting go of your arm and sighing, allowing you to continue

> Delighted at the fact that he actually let you touch his hair, you had to contain your excitement as to not hurt him accidentally, slowly brushing his locks with your hand

> Diluc wouldn’t admit it out loud, but your touch did soothe him. His shoulders relaxed and eyes closed, as he unconsciously leaned into your hand

> Usually work was on his mind, occupying almost all of his daily routine, but now the only thing he could think about was the way your fingers combed through his hair, and soon enough his thoughts were drifting towards you in general

> You two had... An unusual friendship, that was for sure. You have known him ever since you were children, along with Kaeya. After the death of his father, he thought that he’d lose you as well, just like his brother, but instead you stayed. Not only for him, as you were friends with the Cavalry Captain to this day, but either way it mattered to him the most at that time

> Ever since, you were an anchor of some sort for him, a person he didn’t need to put up his facade around, which he was grateful for. Truth be told, you could be a lot sometimes, but you always meant well. You both helped each other in their time of need, always there for the other. Be it a big problem like defeating a group of Abyss Mages roaming near the city, or a small one, like giving an honest opinion on something

> He helped you and you helped him. Just like today

> You knew he’d have problems falling asleep, that he wouldn’t stop worknig, so you had to force him to get some rest

> It worked, thank the Archons, as he slowly felt himself drift off, his head a too big of a weight that he desperatly tried to hold up

> You noticed his struggles and smiled to yourself, carefully detangling your fingers from his locks. That earned you a confused and oh so tired gaze, at which you squealed mentally because of how adorable he looked

> “Lay down” you whispered, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. It took him a minute to process what you said, giving you a nod and slowly making himself comfortable under the covers

> a big, tired baby ajsadkadkja

> You just smiled contentedly at the sight, happy that he let you see him, so vulnerable and exhausted it made warmth spread trough your chest

> Again, you smoothed his red hair delicately, marvelling at how soft it was, making sure he fell asleep

> Which he did, obviously, if you couldn’t tell by the slow rising and falling of his chest

> So you whispered a soft “Good night”, turning off the lamp on his bedside table and carefully leaving the room without making any noise, closing the door behind you

> When he woke up, he could admit that it was probably the best he’s ever slept since the passing of his father

> With a small smile on his face, he got dressed and came down to eat breakfest, greeting the Winery staff whenever he passed them. After he was done eating, he headed straight to his office, dreading yet another day spend behind his desk organising the documents

> Imagine his surprise when he entered the room and saw everything that previously occupied the desk, now neatly sorted into small piles

> He quickly looked over the papers on the first pile, seeing it was put in perfect order

> His shock quickly turned into confusion. Who did this? The maids don’t come to his office unless asked to, and the last time someone was there was yesterday when you--

> Oh

> So that’s what happened, then

> He huffed, shaking his head with a smile

> You really were something

First drabble on this profile! It turned out way longer than I expected, haha.

Have a nice day/good night!

16.02.21

~Nana

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: January 28th, 2021 (Part 2)

Here we’ve got asks that aren’t to ask a question but are just really nice messages. Thank you all for sending us such kind comments ;v;. It’s seriously heartwarming to see so many people having good experiences with the game. I don’t even know what to say to such sweet responses.

We’ll keep doing our best and thank you again to each and every one of you for giving Our Life a chance ❤!

Hello! I've been following this account and have been following the development of 'Our Life' for a few months now, and I just wanted to say thank you for all your hard work and dedication you have put into the game. It astonishes me how much choice you have during the sequence of Our Life and am excited to play the full version now, I am downloading it as I write this message. I've had a great time seeing the demo transition into to the full game and just wanted to write two words. Thank you.

Anhhhhffbgdfbhujk!!! Congratulations on the release, I’m playing the game right now! Thank you all for your hard work and I can’t wait for the Step 3 DLC to come out, I’ll probably wait for the Step 3 DLC to come out to experience everything, but until then, I still have a lot to play. Thank you once again!

finished my first playthrough just now. it just felt so wholesome ??? 100/10 would do it again. i laughed. i cried. i got angry. i felt second-hand embrassment— i got so into it i was left in literal tears after getting my first ending. the art, the storyline, the music, and COVE HOLDEN– UGH IT WAS LITERAL PERFECTION ❤ THE WAIT WAS WORTH IT. THANK YOU FOR MAKING SUCH AN AMAZING GAME 🥺😭 this made my 2020 better, i can't wait for step 4 in 2021 ❤❤

So I was following you guys on itchio for years and uhh did I stay up til 6 am on a school night to finish the game? Yes. Did I sob my eyes out during step 3 as a 20 year old having doubts about life and adulthood? Absolutely. I can't form proper sentences right now due to lack of sleep but just wanted to say thank you for making it. I honestly feel lighter and I feel like it changed my views on future to be more optimistic... I can't wait to replay it! Thanks again!

I love how Our Life turned out!! I keep replaying it and can't stop squeaking and giggling!! Thank You for creating it ♥

okay i have actually fallen in love with cove and cannot WAIT to marry him 😭

Hi! I played through 'Our Life' yesterday and  I just wanna say how refreshing it was to be able to have Cove be 'high initiative' and also have so many opportunities to initiate affection from the player character! As a pretty flirtatious/affectionate person myself, I notice that a lot of VNs don't give players that agency, and affection can be kinda 'carrot on a stick' if that makes sense. You guys did an awesome job! I look forward to seeing if there are more of those moments in Step 3 & 4 :)

I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by the option to choose Cove's level of initiative in step 3! As much I love the option to choose I personally enjoy have the romanced character take the lead without my input so when I got to step 3 and had to option to make it so that Cove initiated affection without as much input from me I was really happy! You guys seriously added so much freedom in terms of choices, it's almost baffling that the only thing you have to pay for is optional DLC!

I absolutely loved everything about the game and I really want congratulate the team for making the game such a satisfying experience.

I look forward to step 4

❤️❤️❤️❤️

* and sorry for my bad English

Just finished my first play through and I loved it! I've been looking forward to the game and it definitely was worth the wait. Thank you all for your hard work and can't wait for the extra dlc!

Till then, hope you guys gets some well deserved rest🤗

Love you guys, thank you so much for your hard work. :)

Ok, so I just finished Our Life and, wow. I have never cried at a video game before, ever. Thank you so, so much! Its one of my favorites.

this isn't a question, but i just wanted to say how much i enjoyed our life 🥺 i've been patiently looking forward to the full game for a few months now, and i couldn't be happier with it! i've only played through it once so far but the outcomes of the choices i made were all so soft and wholesome 💗 i can tell that everyone who was involved really worked hard and you all did an incredible job! i can't wait to see what else is in store 👍

i’d just like to say how addictive our life is!!! i constantly played it during quarantine and now playing the full release is so amazing to me!! i love that i’m still discovering dialogue bits with different personalities and actions!!! i have to admit that i’ve been wishing the day to pass faster all day during school so i could go home and play again. mentally i’m not the healthiest and our life being released has boosted it up so much, thank you for creating such an amazing game!!!!!

Hey, I just wanna say I played our life two times and it still give me the same feelings. I was really looking forward to this game before it came out and I kept on replaying the demo. This game is such an amazing experience and I feel so happy playing it. I am not really a person good with words unfortunately but I do honestly love this more than anything in the world. Thank you for making it and I hope that you will continue to make more games like our life. This game really makes me happy and I can't thank you enough

Just wanted to say that Our Life really made me feel seen as an 18 year old trans man who's been struggling with change as of late and I can't thank you guys enough for it. I just finished the main story and currently released DLC's and gosh, I can really only say... woah. Just, woah. The messages are somehow exactly what I needed to hear right now, and they brought me a lot of comfort in this really weird and confusing time in my life. Can't wait to see what comes next in this lovely story <3

I am honestly in love with Our Life. The graphics, the soundtrack its just *chef's kiss* It was so worth the wait for it. I can't wait for step 4. Keep up the good work GB Patch!

good people i have just finished Our Life and let me say, it was beautiful. rarely have such non-fantastical moments (and even some fantastical moments) brought me to tears like this game has, and i don't even have the dlc (yet). i don't know how you did it but it felt like i was playing a slice of life anime. i had waited with baited breath to play this since i played the demo and my expectations were not just met but surpassed. from the bottom of my heart thank you for this game

I found the game by chance and I am so so glad I did. It’s so inclusive and made me feel so incredibly seen. Seeing that my gender identity and sexuality were possible just meant the absolute world to me. I’ve never seen something like this and it just made me so incredibly happy. Thank you for the absolutely amazing game and I can’t wait to see what’s next.

Hello! I downloaded Our life earlier this week and I'm only now getting the chance to play it (Very busy and stressful week) I'm so excited to play and I wanna say thank you for making this adorable game!

I just finished my first playthrough of Our Life and I can't even express how much I love it. Cove is absolutely precious and has killed me several times, and the art and soundtrack is beautiful. I love all the small different choices. I'm very interested in the Derek and Baxter DLCs and the rest, can't wait!!!!!!

thank you for "Our Life Beginnings & Always" it has to be one of the best visual novels i ever have played and i just dont want it to end (i know it will, but damn it! i want to have a wedding night, have children and die of old age with cole! XD) when i play it it always makes me tear up (in a good way) and i am most definetly going to buy all the dlc that you make! thank you for this lovely game and all the work that went into it! (ps: i also loved "lake of voices" )

You guys are incredibly talented and im very proud of you all! You've really outdone yourselves w/ OL and i cant wait to see whats next to come for you all :)

i really love that you can be trans in Our Life! not a lot of games do that so i just wanted to say thank you!

Guuyyss!! I just wanna say! Thank you sm for the headscarf option in the MC creator! I especially loved that little detail where MC quickly slips the headscarf on before greeting Cove, I've never felt so immersed :'D Not that the rest of the game wasn't immersive btw, but since I wear my hijab most of the time that little addition really felt like something I would do! So thank you for that <3

I've been watching "Our Life: Beginnings & Always" development for quite some time, and I gotta say its wild to see it finally release. Its so unique in the way relationships work- even character creation. I've cried multiple times over this game while playing. I can't thank y'all enough for a game with these kind of mechanics, and representation. its rare I get to feel im really playing as myself in games like these. Everyones outdone themselves. this'll certainly be one I keep coming back to.

I've been following the development of Our Life from way back when the first demo dropped and it still blows my mind how many choices and customizations there are (love that update for the MC's bedroom btw!) and the fact that the game remembers them - it really feels like your very own coming of age story! I was so immersed I cried at the end :') Can't believe I experienced this game for free lol. I can't wait for future DLCs and Step 4! Good luck with all your upcoming projects dev team!!

Just wanted to say I love Our Life and I'm thankful it exists. Thank you so much! I love the little world you created and all the people in it. Especially Cove! This game makes me so happy!

Just poping in to say hi and that ilu guys ^^, remember to take care of yourselves!

Hi!! I just wanna thank you for creating such an amazing game. Our Life is one of the few dating sims I’ve found that let’s me be a male mc, it’s really hard to find dating sims that let me be gay. Our Life is my new favorite dating sim to just sit down and playthrough whenever I’m having a bad day so I just wanted to let y’all know how much I appreciate all you’ve done. 🤍

Fan from australia here

Just wanted to reach out and let you know how important this game has been to me. I came across it at a really rough time ( that I’m still going through ) and it’s been one of the things that’s driven me to get up and out of bed sometimes.

This game and cove both hold a very special place in my heart and I can’t wait to see more of him in the DLC and Step 4

Much love ♥️

I know this isnt exactly the main focus of the game, but i really love how we can customise the mc personality wise! This is the first time i've played a game like this where the mc actually does and says exactly what I would do and say in certain situations and its such a breath of fresh air!! It's also so cool how the other characters can pick up on it!!

Cove Holden saved 2020 (my 2020 anyways) I would die for him

Sorry for this being out of the blue, but after playing through Our Life I wanted to thank you for the experience. I don’t know if I’ve ever played a game that has made me cry happy tears TWICE lol. It’s beautiful, scenic, inclusive, and absolutely amazing..have a great rest of 2020 and I honestly cannot wait for the rest of it :,) (ps. The ending song is stuck in my head)

I think you guys might've ruined visual novels for me forever. I'm not sure I'll be able to play another without comparing it to Our Life and I know if I do that I'll be disappointed every time because of how amazing it is. I bought the DLCs before playing the base game it's one of the best impulsive purchases I've ever made

Thank you so much for making our life! It's my favorite visual novel ever and I just can't articulate how much being able to just be honest with my responses instead of going for whatever would make the love interest happy means to me? I reccomended it to evry friend I have that plays visual novels because this is the best one I've ever played!

Just wanted to say that I absolutely adore this game! The childhood friends tropes is my favorite thing and this game delivers! Cove is the sweetest thing, infact all the boys are good boys. Super excited for all upcoming dlcs!

Hi, I just want to thank you for making such an amazing game like Our Life. Tbh, I was following the game’s development for a while, but me and my family moved away from my childhood town just a few days before release, so I really connected to this game. You all did amazing!

hey just wanted to know that i completely loved ol: b&a and it was so good and love cove more than i’ve liked any fictional character, it’s now my comfort media. thank you so much

hi i just wanna say i really enjoyed all of the representation in our life b&a! there were characters with a lot of different body shapes, pic characters, lgbtq+ characters, and you get to choose your own pronouns and sexuality!!! so tysm!!

This isn't a question, I just wanted to say that Our Life is incredible. Ever since I finished it, I've been looking for other visual novels to play so I don't play OL so often that I start memorizing the lines before all the DLC comes out, but I keep coming back to it. It's really one of a kind, I think you all ruined other visual novels for me because I haven't enjoyed another VN like I have this one since I read it ❤.

i think our life b&a is the first game where i felt like cove loved me, not the character i play as which is really nice for someone with kinda low self esteem so THANK YOU

I’ve been playing Our Life practically nonstop since yesterday. I just want everyone who worked on it to know how much the LGBTQ inclusivity means to me. As a closeted trans ace guy in an unsupportive household, I can’t emphasize how much of a comfort this game has been to me. Everything about it is so wholesome and heartfelt. I’m excited to see what other games you make in the future 💙

- A demibiromantic ace transgender man who may or may not have cried over the option to be myself in a game for the first time ever

Csn i just say i really appreciate how you handled MC deciding to use they/them at different stages. Mainly because alot of games don't pay much attention to the body the mc was assigned at birth if they player chooses nonbinary like it does with male/female. And it was just nice to be able to play an mc who just thought gender was kinda 'meh' for them but still felt good about the body they were born with (like myself). I guesd it boils down I'm really appreciative of the hard work it must've taken for you to make all those options possible & still have them matter.

I just wanted to thank you all for Our Life. My mental health hasn't been in a good place recently and it has become my favorite form of escapism/way to cheer up. It's idyllic setting and fantastic characters are such a good way to wind down, I love it. Also, I've been dreading 2021 due to classes starting and general stress, but the DLC and your next project have given me something to actually look forward to :). I'm so excited for them and now I actually have a reason to be happy that it's 2021. Sorry if this message is a bit weird, I just wanted to thank the team for their hard work and for creating something so incredible <3

I've gotta say this is one of the most repayable games I've ever played, if not the most. Usually after i do a playthrough or two of a game i have to wait awhile before playing again otherwise it feels stale. But i haven't had that problem with our life because of the sheer ammount of player agency. Everyone who works on tbe game should feel incredibly proud of themselves because you've created something amazing.

I just wanted to say thank you for Our Life. I'm sure you get this a lot, but it really pulled me out of a mentally tough spot in my life. So thank you.

who needs therapy when you have our life: beginnings and always? haha no but seriously this game is my comfort game, and even though i can’t join your patreon at the moment please know i am always supporting you and i am so excited to see everything you have in store! everyone who works on the games is so so talented

All DLCs have nice content. 😡😡

And I love them all!!💗💗💗💖💖💖💕💕💕

[danideservedbetter]

Day 7, 8, 9, and 10 / Elaboration

Hey y’all! I said yesterday I would elaborate a little more on what my doctor’s visit yesterday told me, and here I am to do just that! I meant to yesterday, honestly, but by the time I got home my medicine had worn off and that wasn’t looking very likely 😅😅 But regardless!!! Here is what my results look like and honestly? These things probably have been affecting my sleeping disorder to a degree I’d previously disregarded without detailed info I’ve gotten from these tests.

Full write up under the cut!

—I got two major tests done, blood work and a genetics test. Back in my hometown the nurses couldn’t even figure out how to open the damn swab, but technology here managed to map out my entire DNA sequence which is utterly NUTS to me.

—My body is deficient in almost every important vitamin known to mankind, which makes sense because my diet is not… the best 😅 So, I started on several (SEVERAL) supplements to start out.

—I say start out because it’s very likely that I’ll be taking vitamin C and some liver enzyme through an IV once a month. A younger me might’ve thought something like this was scary, but at this point I’m so desperate to be healthy that getting nutrients drip fed into my system for them to work quicker sounds just fine to me.

—Other than that it’s normal lifestyle stuff. Eat more fruits and vegetables (I’ve been eating olives by the can for like days and I intend to buy fresh fruit packets for breakfast whenever I can afford them) as well as staying more active— which I DEFINITELY have been since I moved closer to New Orleans, in Louisiana proper where my dad lives.

But enough of the boring medicinal stuff. I’m sure you guys are much more interested in the whys— is there a reason my hypersomnia is so bad? Is there a deeper explanation than “lack of vitamins bad and you should feel bad”?

Well, yeah. YES. The genetics test revealed a metric fuckton to say the least 😂😂😂 but the most important was what kinds of diseases I’m predisposed to or how my body can process certain types of hormones/enzymes/proteins. Things like why caffeine won’t work for me (my body processes it very fast but not very thoroughly) or my metabolism being the strongest recorded genotype (which is why it’s been so hard to gain weight). Below, I’ll go into detail about stuff my new general doctor’s in-office geneticist (I still can’t believe that’s a thing I’m typing) has revealed about my disorder.

Naturally, this is specific to me because of my parents and our family lines. Maybe if you see info pertinent to yourself, looking into genetic mapping may be a good idea for you?

We are pretty confident that I have Idiopathic Hypersomnia. The reason for this is that a tiny link has been found between individuals who contracted mononucleosis in their childhood and adolescence and individuals who fell within the sleep cycles indicating IH. Now, IH will be genetic sometimes, but considering I’ve tracked my disorder to starting around 14, the same year I contracted Mono, the coincidence definitely doesn’t seem like… well, a coincidence. My blood test shows that I do in fact have the antibodies in my system, and they’re doing something… odd.

The geneticist found some “active” antibodies. Well, not some, really 😅 Basically, she’s surmised that these antibodies have a hair-trigger response and can react to any given environmental factor (stress, hunger, etc.) to the point where they activate as if they think they’re **fighting off a virus that’s been out of my system for ten years.** Of course this takes up an inordinate amount of energy, which is her hypothesis as to why my hypersomnia is so random and varies in intensity. The goal for this summer is flushing these antibodies out of my system.

My previous neurologist tried out a couple stimulants and then shit insurance prevented me from trying any others. So I’m stuck on something traditionally prescribed for adhd. A narcotic. *However* since my body is severely dysfunctional in general, the way I describe it is I basically have to induce a high to stay awake and function normally. We want to eventually get me off of these kinds of drugs, of course, since prolonged exposure weakens their effects and they’re highly addictive.

Another in credibly interesting thing we found is that I'm lacking in three major hormones. However, it's not because I don't produce them. I've never identified with symptoms of depression (anxiety, certainly, but not depression) yet for most of my life my childhood general practitioner insisted I had it. Well, the geneticist found that while I'm lacking in serotonin, dopamine, and melatonin, which yes are the two major mood enhancers and then the hormone that induces sleep, it's not because I can't produce them. It's because my neural transmitters are so damaged from a less-than-good diet and years of exhaustion that they simply can't process them. Just as the antibodies can have a hair-trigger response to environmental factors, so too can these processors. Simple things like a good meal, my high from my stimulants, or even micro dopamine shots from getting things done can activate the transmitters. Another thing on the docket for the summer is fixing these permanently with treatments of vitamins and supplements.

My stimulants have caused appetite issues, unfortunately, and that plus Covid at the beginning of this year caused me to get down to my lowest recorded weight ever, 94 pounds, which I haven't weighed since before I hit my final growth spurt way back in middle school. My dad does physical labor (he's a contractor who frames houses in the humid heat of the Deep South lol) so he's used to feeling tired. When he caught Covid, he said that he'd never felt as tired, drained, or out of it in his entire life. He never gets sick and hardly goes to the doctor and NEVER takes off work because of health, but in his last few weeks before full recovery he had to take off early multiple times. He was floored when he described the brain fog and exhaustion and I told him that I had no idea I even had Covid, because I just thought it was my disorder acting up. It was only when my grandmother started feeling tired that we got tested and we tested positive.

All that said, we think that there's hope for a future for me. She said that while there's no cure for IH, the cause that I have may can be mitigated by changes in exercise, diet, routine, and medication,to the point where I may mitigate symptoms of my disorder entirely. I'm still setting up appointments with a new neurologist here in the city, though, because technology is of course more advanced here.

And again, taking all of this into consideration, while it was looking likelier by the day, we've both agreed that I'll be here in the city 'til New Years. Which means no school this semester, but if I can go back in spring at more than 20% functionality and maybe succeed, I'm perfectly fine having to remain on break.

However, another good update: I weigh 103 pounds! I'm steadily gaining weight-- which means the other medication, the one for my appetite, is working as it should and as long as I stay on-track I should reach my goal of 120 by the end of the year as well.

So, yeah! That's what it's looking like. I have another appointment to go more in depth with the results tomorrow, but for now I'm planning out my week since I decided to let myself rest all last week. I'd love to finish helping out for our current podfic, ACTUALLY start the damn 100 Theme Challenge (LOL), finish betaing something that's been on hold for months, properly reconnect with our discord, catch up on all the media I fell behind on, clean my damn room, and establish a budget for this week on what I can buy. A more specific plan for today will follow, but til then, I hope this gives everyone some insight on what I'm looking at and how I'm gonna try to fix it.

Xoxo

Dani

[girl-with-cat-eyes]

Sweeter Than Ice Cream

Summary: Virgil is feeling good about his body for once. Leave it to assholes to come along and ruin the feeling. Luckily his boyfriend is there to cheer him up.

Contains Thvi, mentioned Demus, mentioned Logicality, mentioned Rosleepmile, chubby trans Virgil, and mentions of bullying.

A/N: Alright the birthday fic is going up a bit late but who cares cause it's adorable. Really I just wanted something ridiculously sweet and comforting so here we are. And if people like it I can totally write more for this verse cause I already have tons of ideas.

~

"Hello handsome."

Virgil was getting his text books out of his locker when he felt a familiar pair of arms slide around his waist, a hand stopping to squeeze his round bottom before continuing on it's way. He smiled and turned around to greet their owner, giving his boyfriend a smile before he spoke. 

"Good morning to you too, beautiful." He wrapped his arms around Thomas' neck and him a kiss. "Glad you're here today, I was worried about you yesterday." 

Thomas gave an apologetic smile and pecked his nose before speaking. "I'm sorry Virge. I tried to text you, but I had a dentist's appointment yesterday." He flashed his freshly cleaned teeth in an exaggerated grin. "How are you today?" 

"Well let's see:", Virgil began to list off.", today is a friday, dad offered to make my lunch today which meant I got an extra half hour of sleep, I have leftover mac and cheese for lunch, today is a Friday, I'm having a sleepover with my amazing boyfriend tonight, and said boyfriend is holding me right now. So I'd say it's about as good as it gets. Not to mention I'm feeling more body confident than I have in months. How about you?"

Thomas smiled. "As perfect as possible. Especially now that I have you in my arms." He squeezed Virgil's sides gently. "And I'm glad you're feeling confident right now. You deserve to.", Thomas smiled at his boyfriend and took note of his clothing choice for today., "And you look great in what you're wearing, sweetheart. I mean you always look great, but you look adorable right now. I don't think I've seen you in something pastel since you got this."

Virgil blushed at the mention of his unusual outfit choice. While normally he wore baggy and dark clothes, not only to match his emo personality but to help deal with his insecurities about his weight and dysphoria, but today he'd felt confident and comfortable in his body and went with a different choice. He wore light purple overall shorts and a cute black top underneath along with knee high socks and purple chuck taylors. He'd finished off the look with a black heart choker and his usual makeup. He'd been excited to see Thomas' and his friends' reactions to him something so different from his usual style. 

"I liked how it looked on me and I wanted to wear it. Besides I thought it would be the perfect outfit for our sleepover tonight."  Virgil reluctantly pulled away from the hug to finish grabbing his textbooks, "I'm glad you like it. I was hoping you would." 

He felt arms wrap around him again and warm breath tickle his neck as Thomas leaned forward to whisper in his ear, "Well I like you in anything. Or nothing. Especially in nothing at all." He pressed a kiss behind Virgil's ear. 

Virgil held back a groan before shutting his locker and turning around. "You can't just say that when we have 10 minutes til class." 

"Fine. I'll tell you tonight while your parents are out. For now I'll ask you about the homework from yesterday." The pair made their way down the hallway to their first class. 

~

If Thomas had to pick a favorite part of school days it would have to be lunch. Not only because it served as a break between classes or because it was when he could finally eat, but because he shared a lunch period with his boyfriend. He got a solid half hour everyday to just sit with Virgil and spend time together. It was nice. 

Of course it would be nice if he hadn't drank an entire water bottle during his last period and was now rushing to the bathroom. He'd gotten lucky that the one closest to the cafeteria was empty and he didn't have to search for one. 

At least, he thought it was empty. Until he heard a sob coming from one of the stalls behind while he washed his hands. Thomad froze at the sound. He really should be meeting Virgil for lunch. But what if someone was hurt? What if they needed help? Fuck it, he thought, it couldn't hurt to ask if they're ok. 

"Hey?" He called. "Are you ok? Do you need me to get the nurse or something? It's my lunch period so I have the time." 

He heard a gasp and some movement before a familiar voice spoke. "Thomas?" 

Virgil. Shit. What could have happened in the time that they had been apart? Thomas rushed over to the stall and opened it to see his boyfriend curled up in a corner looking at him. His hurt beat painfully when he saw his black eye and bloody nose that Virgil was pressing toilet paper to. He felt a hot rush of anger when he saw that half of his face appeared to be covered in what looked like cake. 

Thomas grimaced and got up to wet some paper towels before setting to work with cleaning Virgil's face. Afterwards he pressed some more toilet paper to his bloody nose and sighed. "What happened?" 

Virgil kept his eyes down. "The usual shit. I went to use the bathroom and was ambushed. They said that they felt uncomfortable with me using the same bathrooms as them. That I'd probably try to force them to be gay. That freaks like me shouldn't be allowed in the school period. After that they beat the shit out of me." Virgil gestured to his bruised face. "And then they…. They brought a piece of cake with them. Said a whale like me would probably love it. And they shoved it in my face."

Thomas felt molten hot anger wash through him but pushed it aside for now. Virgil needed him. He stood up and pulled his boyfriend up with him. "Come on, Stormcloud.

"Where are we going?"

"Well first we're going to stop by Holy Cow's and get sundaes because you deserve something as sweet as you are. Then we're going to go to your place and call your dads to tell them what happened. And then we can cuddle and begin our sleepover early." 

Virgil raised an eyebrow at him. "And what about class? You've already missed yesterday." 

Thomas shrugged and held Virgil's hand as they left the bathroom. "I'll tell your uncle what happened and ask him to get our homework for us." Thomas knew that Virgil's uncle, the school drama teacher, Roman would be fine with it. He'd probably claim that what happened to his nephew was a huge offense and demand to know who did it. 

They signed themselves out for the day and got into Thomas' car. He made sure to send a text to Roman explaining what happened and asking him to get their homework for them. He received an almost immediate response saying of course and that he would be by after school with it and then they could tell him who it was. 

First stop was ice cream. Virgil ended up dozing in the car and Thomas didn't have the heart to wake him so he just went in by himself. Besides it wasn't like he didn't know Virgil's favorite sundae. His boyfriend was a chocolate lover from way back.

He smiled as he entered the shop. Some of his favorite memories were here. Coming here as a kid when he got a good grade, his dads taking him here on his birthday. He even went here with Virgil on their first date. He still remembered how nervous Virgil had been to eat anything around him at the time. It had taken forever to assure V that his weight was fine. It could still be a struggle, with Virgil's confidence fluctuating. But Thomas would never stop showing him how amazing and beautiful he was. 

Thomas shook off those thoughts and gave a wave to Remy, the shop's owner. Thomas looked at the menu vaguely even though him and Virgil always got the same thing. 

"Girl, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school?" 

Thomas shrugged and gestured out to his car. "Virgil got beat up by some assholes so I'm taking him to get ice cream as a treat." 

 Remy crossed his arms and smirked, "Mmmhmmm. So where is my favorite customer?" 

Thomas gave a pretend shocked gasp, "I've been coming here as long as Virgil has." 

"Like I said he's my favorite customer.", Remy grabbed two styrofoam bowls, "The usual for both of you?" 

Thomas snorted and nodded, "Yep. He fell asleep in the car and I didn't want to wake him. So just me today.", Remy nodded and began making Thomas' birthday cake sundae and Virgil's chocolate brownie s'more sundae. 

"Well because this is comfort ice cream I'm giving you each an extra scoop. And it's on the house." Thomas went to object but Remy cut him off, "Hun, last time you were here you tipped twenty bucks. And the time before that you tipped ten. You've got some free ice cream points saved up. Enjoy it." 

Thomas sighed and put his wallet away before smiling, "Thank you. I figured this would be a good way to cheer him up. Worst part was he was feeling confident today too. I was so excited for him." 

Remy grimaced and went to roast two marshmallows for the ice cream in question, "That's how life is sometimes. You're feeling great and it kicks you where it hurts. But you just gotta be there for him now and hope his confidence stays up. And if not, be a confidence booster.", He finished off the sundaes with some hot fudge and caramel on Virgil's and rainbow sprinkles and cake crumbles on Thomas', topping both with whipped cream. 

Thomas nodded and took the ice cream gratefully, "Thank you. I'm sure Roman will tell you and Emile all the details later tonight.", With that he went back to the car and drove to Virgil's house. 

~ 

Virgil awoke to Thomas kissing his cheek and saying that they had to get out of the car. He blinked groggily before wincing at the feeling of his bruised eye and got up slowly., "Did you message my parents?", He asked through a yawn. 

Thomas nodded and picked up the ice cream containers before answering, "Yep. Remus is working late tonight at the hospital but Janus should be home at 5 and he said he'd get take out. And he wanted to talk about what happened." 

Virgil nodded and got out his key before letting them both in. He went to go to the kitchen but was stopped by Thomas who guided him to the living room. 

"What are you doing?" 

Virgil gestured to his eye., "I'm going to get some ice and painkillers." 

Thomas nodded and got up. "I'll do that. You sit and relax.", He was handed a cold styrofoam bowl. "Here's your sundae. I got your usual." Virgil smiled and Thomas headed into the kitchen. 

Virgil stared at the sundae on his lap hesitantly. Sure, it sounded great after the day he had, but did he really need it? He was fat enough as is without it. He could still hear those asshole's jeers in the restroom, calling him a whale and laughing when he fell. 

Before he could do anything though, Thomas came back and was handing him a water bottle and some painkillers and pressing some ice to his eye. Virgil gladly took several large drinks of water and went back to looking at the ice cream nervously. 

"Hey." Virgil looked at Thomas to see him giving him a concerned look.  "Whatever those assholes said about you… None of it is true. You're amazing and beautiful and your weight is fine. You deserve some ice cream after the day you've had."

Virgil winced internally. Dammit. He hadn't meant for Thomas to know how he was feeling. But that's just how Thomas was sometimes. He could take one look at Virgil and was able to figure out exactly what was bothering him and made it his mission to make him feel better. "It's just… Sometimes I think I would get so much of the bullying if I was thinner, y'know. And maybe I deserve it, cause I could probably do more to try to lose the weight. Like I could go on another diet-" 

"Like when you ended up passing out in gym class because you were malnourished?" Thomas interrupted him. Before Virgil could say anything else Thomas was pulling him onto his lap. He tried to do his best to not put any weight on him but Thomas wasn't having it. Virgil found himself tucked snugly in his boyfriends arms. "Babe you eat healthy and are decently active. And your doctor has said you're healthy even with your weight. I know firsthand that it can be hard to love yourself, but please… Never listen to those assholes. And if you're feeling insecure come to me. I'll always be willing to reassure you." 

Virgil was blushing and Thomas kissed each of his full, red cheeks. "Now I think we have some well earned ice cream and feel good movies waiting for us." Virgil nodded and snorted as Thomas put on Hairspray. 

He leaned up to kiss his boyfriend and took a bite of ice cream, moaning at the taste. "I love you." 

Thomas laughed and kissed Virgil back before grabbing his sundae as well.  "I can't tell if you're talking to me of the ice cream but I love you too." 

Virgil smiled and hummed along to the opening number and took another bite before speaking. "Both. I love ice cream because it's delicious and I love you because you're easily one of the best things to ever happen to me."

Thomas smiled and took a bite of ice cream and kissing him. Virgil could taste frosting and bits of vanilla cupcake on his lips. By the time they pulled away they were both breathing heavily. Virgil pressed several quick kisses on Thomas' face. And smiled. "I love you. So much." 

Thomas only responded by kissing him again with just as much intensity as before. Virgil smiled when Thomas finally pulled away and whispered. "I love you. I… I was going to give this you tonight, I figured that it would be the perfect time. And it still is of course I wanted you to be happier when I did it but… Will you go steady with me?" He held out a silver ring with a purple heart shaped gem. 

Virgil looked at him with a mixture of shock and happiness. "Really?" 

Thomas rubbed the back of his neck and gave an anxious smile. "Yeah. I know it's old fashioned but I thought it would be cute. I was talking to my grandpa about it and he said that going steady was supposed to be a promise that you wanted to spend forever together even if you weren't married yet. Of course back then people got married right out of high school. But I thought that that meaning was perfect for us. I want to spend forever with you, and obviously neither of us are ready for marriage." 

Virgil smiled and nodded rapidly at his boyfriend. "Of course. I'd love to go steady with you." Thomas put the ring on his finger and kissed his hand. "It's beautiful."

Thomas smiled. "I got it down at my cousin's shop. I thought it was perfect for you. And now that I'm seeing it I'm happy to report that I was right." 

Virgil smiled and made a mental note to go see Toby this weekend and pick out an equally beautiful ring for Thomas. For now however, he had a boyfriend to snuggle and movies to watch. He pulled Thomas closer and pressed several kisses before burrowing his face in his neck. 

By the time Janus, Roman, and Remus all burst in at once, the pair were asleep, the credits to the movie rolling unnoticed.

~

Tagging:

@forever-forgotten-angel, @anxiety-ismy-name

[mostfacinorous]

Stoki Whumptober Day 22: Do These Tacos Taste Funny To You? [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9][10][11][12][13][14][15][16][17][18][19][20][21]

As the day dawned and they considered their options, Loki sent tentative tendrils of power towards the stone. 

It was recovering-- that much was clear, but it wasn’t anywhere close to being usable. 

“This will take several days.” He announced shortly. 

Rogers looked up from the fire, frowning. He seemed to have recovered some of his lost body heat, and nearly all of his wandering wits.

“Not much choice, is there? So what should we do?” 

Loki pondered. 

“We have a few priorities. The first should be sustenance, I think. Food-- preferably meat, if we can manage to trap anything. Then, shelter. What we made in a few hours yesterday was a start, but it is nowhere near enough to keep you alive, and my powers are low from keeping the heat around you. 

Rogers looked startled.

“Wait-- what did you do?” 

Loki cocked his head, then huffed a little laugh, feeling sheepish. He’d thought it would be obvious, but apparently Rogers had been too out of his mind to realize. 

“It’s no matter. I kept the heat close, that’s all. Without food and rest, I will not be able to do it again, and so we should make an effort to secure both food and a place that will support us for the next few days.” 

Rogers nodded. “What’s the best way to do that?” 

Loki thought back to hunts and adventures, and adjusted for his current state-- tired, magically weak, and Rogers, human, though extraordinary for one. 

“A den.” He decided. “We dig down before we build up, and that will be easier if we can find an area with good snow drift.” He glanced at Rogers’s hands, remembering how stiff and red they’d been the night prior. 

“Perhaps I should take the lead on that. Do you know anything about tracking or trapping?”

Rogers shook his head apologetically. “The woods isn’t really my forte-- even back in the war, we just carried rations with us.” 

Loki sighed. 

“Alright. Shelter first, then. It will, I think, be the most pressing of our needs. And maybe we can build upon what we already have, rather than starting anew.” 

This was less than ideal, of course, but they’d make it through. As long as they could keep Rogers warm enough, even if they found no food, they would last three days. This would all be fine. 

Loki’s first act was to find two trees near enough to one another that they could lay the trees they felled between them, stacking them almost like weaving, to form a wall, and wedging more trees in at an angle, to form a triangular shape. It was, again, not wind proof, but he hoped to get it closer to that before night fall. 

Once the walls were tall enough to allow them to walk inside while bent over, they switched to installing something of a roof-- simply more trees laid across. 

“All these trees we’re tearing down-- it’s not going to affect the timeline, will it?” Rogers asked, when they’d nearly finished with their labour, as it grew to early afternoon. 

Loki shrugged.

“It may have some effect, though who knows what… and it probably doesn’t do to dwell on it. We have little enough choice.” 

Loki showed the Captain how to scrape off the snow and find the wet leaves and pine needles beneath. “This is to fill the gaps between the logs. Can you work on this, while I search for food? Take breaks and warm your hands by the fire when they grow uncomfortable.”

“Okay. Stay close though-- within hearing range.”

“Of course.” Loki wasn’t sure whether the Captain was more concerned for himself or for Loki, but given what he knew of them man, he thought it was likely the latter. 

Sweet fool. 

Loki wished he’d taken the time earlier to fashion and set traps, but he’d chosen to prioritize otherwise, and so that left him likely needing to use what was left of his power for the day on food. 

He managed to use his Jotun eyes to find a rabbit’s burrow, and uncovered three fat rabbits for dinner. Satisfied they would have something, he began next to forage, finding a few mushrooms he was familiar with on tree trunks, low to the ground. 

He wished he had a pot; a stew would be immensely satisfying given the temperatures, and being able to melt snow and drink it warm would warm them very effectively, but he was making do with what they had, and so spits over the fire would have to do. 

He was careful not to cook the meat too long, unwilling to lose the animal’s fat to the flames, and passed two of them to Rogers to sup on. 

“Is that gonna be enough for you?” The Captain asked, nodding towards Loki’s own meal.

“I found a few mushrooms, I’ll round it out with that and it will be plenty.” Loki assured him, opening the small satchel he’d made out of the hem of his cape, tied up and around itself. 

The mushrooms, he had to admit, didn’t sound as appealing as the meat, but they would help him to feel more full. And it seemed to satisfy Rogers, who began tucking into his food with a voracity that Loki hadn’t expected. He wondered if his body, superior to the rest of his species, made superior demands of him as well. He was glad, suddenly, that he’d chosen to divide up the food that way. And with any luck the meat would help him feel warmer overnight. 

They finished their supper and settled into their new lodgings, watching as the sun dropped behind the trees and slowly all light faded but that of the fire. Loki kept that built high enough to warm the space, and was gratified to find the set up holding heat much better than last night’s had. 

He was just beginning to settle in when the first of the cramps hit him. 

At first he thought little of the discomfort, but as it grew, he found himself clutching at his middle and wiping sweat from his brow. 

“Are you… Loki? What’s wrong?” The Captain moved closer, clearly alarmed, and Loki waved him off. 

“Perhaps the meat was undercooked.” He said, feeling slightly miserable about it. 

“If that was the case, I should be feeling it too. What about the mushrooms? You know which ones are safe, right?” 

Loki groaned. “I thought I did-- there must be some differences to Asgardian ones.”

Well, that would explain his current state. 

“I should-- ah, go purge them.” Loki began to crawl towards the exit, and Rogers moved to follow. Loki stopped him. 

“I will not freeze to death in my efforts-- you might. And, if you don’t mind… I’d rather you not see me like this.” 

Rogers did not appear impressed.

“What happens if you pass out, or get lost, or if it gets worse and you can’t make it back?”

“Then you come look for me in the morning. I mean it, Rogers-- stay with the fire.” 

The Captain glanced away, his lips going thin. 

“I told you to call me Steve.” he said, and Loki sighed, glad that he was giving ground to Loki’s argument in favor of complaining about what he was called. 

“Steve, then. Let me handle this myself. I’ll return as soon as I feel up to it.” 

Rogers pushed a hand through his hair distractedly. 

“Alright, but I’m not waiting til morning. If you’re not back by the time this log burns down, I’m coming looking for you.” 

Loki glanced at the fire. That didn’t give him long, and if he had any hope of retaining his dignity-- his stomach cramped again, and made a sound like a restless beast. 

“Fine.” he said quickly. “I will walk in a straight line from the door into the woods. But if it comes to it, I imagine at some point you should be able to smell me.”

He wrinkled his nose and climbed out into the cold, fully prepared to use the dregs of his magic to speed the process of emptying his stomach, if he must.

He could not say he was looking forward to it.

---

Some hours later, Loki returned to the shelter, shaking with exhaustion, and sore from the day’s exertions, and ready to simply curl up and rest, at long last. Rogers was still awake, waiting for him and staring into the flames, and though he’d wrapped himself in Loki’s cape, he was glad to see he didn’t appear to be as poorly off as he had been the night before. 

“Hey,” he greeted. “You doing okay?” 

Loki huffed. 

“Well, I feel a good deal less like dying.” Though he did not mention that it had smelled for a bit like he had done, out there.

Rogers laughed a little, sounding surprised. “Glad to hear it, I guess. Here.” He lifted his arm, creating an opening in the cape that Loki supposed he was meant to crawl into. 

“What?” Loki asked. 

“I figure-- it’s cold. We should share body heat. Especially if you’re feeling sick-- we can’t afford for you to get worse.” 

It was Loki’s turn to laugh, though there was panic hidden under it. The Captain was sweet, but a fool. 

“Do you suppose I withstand the cold better because I run warmer than you?” Loki asked archly. “I am cold-blooded, Captain. I would only steal your heat. I have none to share.” 

“Steve.” He corrected quickly, then shook his head. “I don’t care. As long as… if being warmer would help you, you should share my heat. You’re shivering.” 

And Loki realized it was true; he was exhausted, drained both physically and magically, and his sleep had been cut short the night prior with watching over Steve. 

He didn’t have the energy left to argue, and so worked his way around the fire to sit beside Steve, ducking under his own cape for warmth. 

“If I make you cold, though-- you must tell me.” Loki cautioned. 

“Alright. And if there’s anything I can do to help, you hafta tell me. Deal?” 

“I suppose it must be.” Loki found himself leaning into the heat, and did not flinch when Steve’s arm curled around his shoulder to pull him closer, though it was a close thing.

[thevoilinauttheory]

Music Profile

Rules: For many of us, music is a source of inspiration for our characters, so I want to know what songs inspire and/relate to your muse! Choose between 10-15 songs, compile them into an album and tag some friends to share the beat!

As tagged by @lukawarrioroflight​ so very, very, very long ago. You made me do a bad thing - which was spend at least 3 hours compiling a list of 10 songs for each of the characters I roleplay the most. M’nhea’s will come first - since I haven’t thought too much about songs for him - and all the others (Maximiloix, Danny, and Amosis) will be listed under the cut. These songs aren’t in a specific order~ 

I’m going to pick up the tags again for once, so I’m tagging: @renofmanyalts​, @jasleh​, @amdapori​, @prodigalsong​, @spotofmummery​, @journeybetweenworlds​, @astralyehga​, @houserosaire​, @cadrenebula​, @ever-searching​, @munchix-home-cooking​, @egrine​

M’nhea Tia:

Silhouettes - Of Monsters and Men

There's nothing that I'd take back But it's hard to say there's nothing I regret Cause when I sing, you shout I breathe out loud You bleed, we crawl like animals But when it's over, I'm still awake

Coming of Age - Foster the People

When my fear pulls me out to sea And the stars are hidden by my pride and my enemies I seem to hurt the people that care the most Just like an animal, I protect my pride When I'm too bruised to fight And even when I'm wrong, I tend to think I'm right

RUNAWAY - half.alive

I hold my life out in front of me, dreams of who I want to be I'm seeing every empty page But I find that everything I am is everything I should be I don't need to run away I don't need to run away Yeah I don't need to run away

The Phoenix - Fall Out Boy

Hey young blood Doesn't it feel like our time is running out? I'm gonna change you like a remix Then I'll raise you like a phoenix Wearing our vintage misery No, I think it looked a little better on me I'm gonna change you like a remix Then I'll raise you like a phoenix

Knights of Cydonia - Muse

No one's gonna take me alive The time has come to make things right You and I must fight for our rights You and I must fight to survive

It’s Not My Fault, I’m Happy - Passion Pit

It's not right, it's not right How am I the only one who sees us fight? What are we? Who are they? Who says those bastards don't deserve to pay? Well it's enough, it's just enough 'cause we don't stand a chance So long you stay around, you're just another song and dance It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair Still I'm the only one who seems to care

Hunger - Of Monsters and Men

Hungry for the kill, but this hunger, it isn't you Voices disappear when you are speaking, in somber tunes I will be the wolf and when you're starving, you'll need it too Hungry for the kill, but this hunger, it isn't you It isn't you, it isn't

The Best - AWOLNATION

I'm hardly perfect I'm barely good Just shy of greatness Ah-ah I'm heavy metal And hollow wood Just shy of patience Ah-ah

Titanium - David Guetta, ft. Sia

Cut me down, but it's you who'll have further to fall Ghost town and haunted love Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones I'm talking loud, not saying much

I Just Wanna Shine - Fitz & The Tantrums

So I wake up I get out of bed, and stay up Stay out of my head 'Cause it's dangerous And I don't wanna lose my mind, no

Maximiloix:

Warrant - Foster the People

Fear is like a fake friend It warms you up and takes you in You mouth the words but no sound comes out Fear is like your best friend Manipulates and takes you in You mouth the words No sound again

Choke - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

Now shut your dirty mouth If I could burn this town I wouldn't hesitate To smile while you suffocate and die And that would be just fine What a lovely time That it would surely be So bite your tongue and choke yourself to sleep

Punching in a Dream - The Naked and Famous

All the lights go down as I crawl into the spaces Fight, flight, or the screams, life tearing at the seams Wait, I don't ever want to be here Like punching in a dream, breathing life into my nightmare

I Am a Nightmare - Brand New

So come shake your Zen out And give me pure energy My heart is glowing fluorescent, I want you to possess it I’m not a prophecy come true I’ve just been goddamn mean to you So what is this thing laced with Please, don't replace me I surrender, embrace me Whatever I'm faced with

Crystals - Of Monsters and Men

I know I'll wither so peel away the bark 'Cause nothing grows when it is dark In spite of all my fears, I can see it all so clear I see it all so clear

Crown of Love - Arcade Fire

They say it fades if you let it Love was made to forget it I carved your name across my eyelids You pray for rain, I pray for blindness

Thank God I’m Not You - Himalayas

You could call me narcissistic You could say I'm of no worth You could call me the scorn of Satan But I could be so much worse

To My Enemies - Saint Motel

You know that talk is cheap Keep talkin' as I turn my cheek You know that no one really cares (Did you know that, did you know that?) It wasn't that long ago You wanted to slit my throat To find out if my blood bleeds blue (Did you know that, did you know that?)

An Honest Mistake - The Bravery

Sometimes I forget I'm still awake I fuck up and say these things out loud My old friend... I swear I never meant for this I never meant...

Forgive Me Friend - Smith & Thell

'Cause I fell in the hole, in the hole, in the hole My heart was turning cold, turning cold, turning cold I never wanted this to end, can you forgive me friend?

Danny:

Upside Down & Inside Out - OK Go

I wish I had said the things you thought that I had said Gravity's just a habit that you're really sure you can't break So when you met the new you Were you scared? Were you cold? Were you kind? Yeah when you met the new you Did someone die inside?

Houdini - Foster the People

Got shackles on, my words are tied Fear can make you compromise With the lights turned up, it's hard to hide Sometimes I wanna disappear

Dance Dance Dance - 65daysofstatic

[Instrumental]

Cradles - Sub Urban

Tape my eyes open to force reality (Oh no, no) Why can’t you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days Sometimes I can't tell if my body belongs to me

Fire - Barnes Courtney

Oh, a thousand faces staring at me Thousand times I've fallen Thousand voices dead at my feet Now I'm gone, now I'm gone, now I'm gone

Meet Me in the Woods - Lord Huron

I have seen what the darkness does Say goodbye to who I was I ain't never been away so long Don't look back, them days are gone Follow me into the endless night I can bring your fears to life Show me yours and I'll show you mine Meet me in the woods tonight

Simmer - Hayley Williams

Control There's so many ways to give in Eyes closed Another way to make it to ten Oh, how to draw the line between wrath and mercy? Gotta simmer, simmer, simmer, simmer, simmer down

Rawnald Gregory Erickson the Second - STRFKR

All my life There you go Oh please stay Just this once Anyway

Cigarette Daydreams - Cage the Elephant

Funny how it seems like yesterday As I recall you were looking out of place Gathered up your things and slipped away No time at all I followed you into the hall Cigarette daydream You were only seventeen So sweet with a mean streak Nearly brought me to my knees

In the Woods Somewhere - Hozier

The creature lunged I turned and ran To save a life I didn't have Dear, in the chase There as I flew Forgot all prayers Of joining you

Amosis:

Vy från ett luftslott - Kent

Där missilerna möts De viskar: hålen i himlen ska bli våran död Ovanför molnen Där djävulen bor De viskar: hålen i himlen är från hans klor

//

Where the missiles meet They whisper: the holes in the heavens will be our death Above the clouds Where the devil lives They whisper: the holes in the heavens are from his claws

Panic Station - Muse

Ooh, 1, 2, 3, 4 fire's in your eyes And this chaos, it defies imagination Ooh, 5, 6, 7 minus 9 lives And I know that you will fight for the duration Ooh, 1, 2, 3, 4 fire's in your eyes And you know I'm not resisting your temptations Ooh, 5, 6, 7 minus 9 lives You've arrived at panic station

Destruction - Joywave

I wanna know who you told 'til they're all laying on the floor Frozen to the core I wanna know who you told 'til it's nobody anymore Nobody anymore

Little Dark Age - MGMT

I grieve in stereo The stereo sounds strange You know that if it hides It doesn't go away If I get out of bed You'll see me standing all alone Horrified On the stage My little dark age

The Wolf - SIAMÉS

I’m out of my head Of my heart and my mind 'Cause you can run but you can’t hide I’m gonna make you mine Out of my head Of my heart and my mind 'Cause I can feel how your flesh now Is crying out for more

It Doesn’t Matter Why - Silversun Pickups

You hear us come and go, we know You wonder if we're not alone, we're alone You think about us all the time, don't Because it doesn't matter why we're known We're just known, we're just known

Sleep Alone - Two Door Cinema Club

He sleeps alone He needs no army where he's headed cause he knows That they're just ghosts And they can't hurt him if he can't see them, ohh And I may go To places I have never been to just to find The deepest desires in my mind

still.feel - half.alive

So when I lose my gravity in this sleepy womb Drifting as I dream, but I'll wake up soon To realize the hand of life is reaching out To rid me of my pride I call allegiance to myself

Iron - Woodkid

This deadly burst of snow is burning my hands I'm frozen to the bones, I am A million miles from home, I'm walking away I can't remind your eyes, your face

Content - Joywave

I'm searching for the difference between What content and content can bring Maybe they're no different 'cause they look the same (They look the same) Maybe I'm just an algorithm with a given name (A given name) But... trying to find the difference The difference, the difference, the difference

[virgilsinferno]

SPILLR  » CHAPTER THREE

important :: this is a horror fic and might contain triggering content. proceed with caution.

tw :: nightmares, death, corpse

word count :: 3145

notes :: uh yeah,, there are loceit and logicality stuff in this chapter and analogical in the previous ones,, but there will be no endgame ships nor will there be romance between the 5 of them. 

intro || 1 || 2

Lately, Dmitri has been feeling ill. Like his immune system’s getting weaker every day. He thinks it’s nothing to worry about though, and green tea helps from time to time. Yet even when he’s not feeling to well, he still refuses to sleep. Logan tells him it’s because of circadian rhythms. He doesn’t know what it means, but if he wanted to know, he can always ask Logan.

School life was stressful for him due to his popularity. Everyone adored him and constantly bothered him, all because of the fact that he’s kind of popular on the internet. It wasn’t his fault, really. People simply loved the content he posted. From the latest gossip to the recent breakups, he knew it all. And he delivered the news so eloquently, people took his word for it. Not everything posted on the internet is real. He’s just trying to have some fun by rewriting the tales that have been passed down from person to person. He guesses having fun also had its consequences.

Almost the entire school had his number. He doesn’t know how they get it, but he keeps changing it just to be sure. So when he gets the 3rd call that morning, he had his doubts. Upon seeing the caller ID, he let out a sigh of relief. Thank the heavens it wasn’t one of those creeps that keep trying to ask him out on a date. It was only 3 in the morning, and yet 2 people have already started annoying him. At least it was Logan who called. He could never annoy him. If anything or anyone dares to hurt his friend, he would lead an army of followers right to their doorstep and ruin their life.

Hey, he cared about Logan immensely.

“Hey Lo.” He greets, taking a sip of his tea.

“Are you free right now?” Logan asks through the phone. Dmitri chokes on the tea and has a coughing fit. He sets down his tea on his bedside table. It takes a few seconds for him to stop coughing.

“Yes. Are you asking me on a date?”

On the other end, Logan’s eyes flew wide in shock. He somehow manages to keep his cool and a smirk appears on his face. “No. Why, do you want me to?”

“Hell no! Shut up.”

“If you say so. Can you come over right now?”

“Yeah sure, gimme a sec. Be there in 10-ish? Should I bring anything? Flamethrower… sword… you name it.”

“Just yourself.”

“Gotcha.”

He ends the call and rolls off of the bed, landing on the floor with a thump. To him it sounded urgent, so he threw on a leather jacket over his plain yellow shirt and put on the first pair of jeans he saw.

The window had a tree branch near it, so he could get out and get back in through the window with ease. Logan didn’t live too far, which meant he didn’t have to sneak into the garage and get his car. At that moment, he felt incredibly grateful for all of the working out he’s been doing. The faster he can run, the more trouble he can cause. And also, he’d feel less worn out whenever he sneaks out of the house to go see Logan.

7 minutes later, he arrives at the front door and rings the doorbell. Usually, he’d ring it 3 times. One long ring followed by two short ones. It was his own way of letting them know who’s at the door. But this time, Logan opened the door right after the first ring and dragged him in.

“Lo, you okay? You look spooked.”

“I’m good. We should get going, the others are waiting for us.”

“Others? Wait, what?”

“Yes, and we have important matters to discuss.”

“Okay. I trust you.”

They head to Logan’s room, thoughts of the worst possible things that could happen already forming in Dmitri’s mind. Why does he have a bad feeling about this?

“You’ll be fine.” He says, patting him on the shoulder. Dmitri nods. He’ll be fine.

As soon as he walks in the familiar room, he could feel eyes on him. It was a normal thing for him, but there’s always been a slight feeling of discomfort. He only loves the attention he gets when he wants attention.

“It’s you!” says one of them, the one in the purple hoodie. “You’re the guy with the yellow eyes in my nightmare!”

Okay, what? That, he wasn’t expecting. Better to be the guy in someone’s nightmare than to be the guy who’s internet famous, right? Logan gives purple hoodie guy a warning look.

“Sorry, that was rude. The name’s Virgil, man.”

“Virgil,” he repeats. “what an odd name. I like it.”

That sounds familiar.

The guy which Dmitri now knows as Virgil visibly becomes paler. He doesn’t know how to react to this, nor does he know if he should do anything. Was it something he said? He hoped not. The guy with the gray cardigan on his shoulders comforts him.

“Listen man, this might sound weird and all, but that’s what you said. In my nightmare thing. Kinda freaked out right now.”

Dmitri nods in understanding. “I get it. Sometimes I get nightmares that come true as well.”

He realizes what he just said and his right hand immediately covers his mouth. Too much information. That’s when he also realizes that he had forgotten to put in his contacts. Which meant that they could see his real eye color—a mix between light gray and blue.

“Uh, at least you don’t have yellow eyes?”

“Yeah about that… Virgil, right? I seem to have forgotten to put on my contacts before I left.”

“So you can have yellow eyes if you wanted to?”

“If I wanted to. Don’t worry, I won’t use yellow contacts if we are to meet again.”

Logan cleared his throat. “Now, let’s discuss the matter at hand.”

As he was about to continue, Patton’s phone rang. He excused himself and went outside of Logan’s room to answer the call. It was his mom calling. Logan proceeded to catch Dmitri up on things.

“Hey mom!”

“Pat, dear, where are you? We’re worried sick about you!”

“I’m fine mom, I’m at a friend’s place right now. I didn’t want to go home yet ‘cause Dallon might come looking for me there and we’re sort of not on good terms right now. I’ll be back for lunch, I promise!”

“Oh honey, has no one told you yet? Dallon went missing four days ago. His body was found by the river yesterday at 6:50 pm.”

Missing?

… Body?

There was a sudden feeling of suffocation, yet Patton was aware that he could breathe just fine. He knew he was alive, he had to be. Didn’t he call him recently? That means he’s not dead, right? He heard his voice through the phone, he’d know that voice from anywhere. There’s no way he’s dead. Right?

“Are you alright, dear?”

“Yeah mom. I… I have to go.”

Patton ended the call and ran back into the room. He plopped down next to Virgil and put his knees to his chest muttering a few incoherent words. They all stopped what they were doing to try and comfort Patton, even though they had no idea what was going on.

“I-I’m not imagining things, I can’t be. I heard him. I’m not imagining things.” He sounded so confused and the others weren’t sure if they should give him some space momentarily or let him talk it out. Everything was going too fast and they had no time to process the situation.

“Virgil! You were there, you heard it too, right? He was calling me, he’s not dead. You know that too. He was calling and you were next to me and you heard us talking. I wasn’t imagining it.”

“Patton, I uh… yeah, someone was calling you. Could you talk slower please?”

The room fell silent.

“Dallon’s dead,” Patton whispered. It was quiet, but loud enough for the rest of them to hear. “He’s been dead since yesterday. But he called me so that means he’s not dead, right? I don’t want him back, I really don’t, but he called me and now I just have to believe he’s dead?”

“Still confused!” Roman groaned. Of course he’d be the most clueless one out of all of them.

For a moment, Dmitri’s eyes switched from light gray to brown. It was fast enough to think of it as nothing, but what he said was quite worrying. “Not everyone you know is real.”

“W-what?” Patton asked, gripping the sleeve of Virgil’s hoodie.

Dmitri tilted his head. “What?”

“I’m all for the spooky stuff, I truly am, but I don’t understand anything! Please, don’t leave me out of this adventure of a lifetime!”

Brown eyes gazed into Roman’s— brown eyes that he knew were once a different color. Though he really never got a good look at Dmitri’s face, so he wasn’t sure if his eyes did change colors. Then again, he did mention something about contacts but he hasn’t been paying that much attention to anything, really. Something told him he’d better stay out of this entire thing.

“Trust me, you don’t want to be a part of this.” said Dmitri in a stern voice.

The lights began to flicker and Dmitri’s eyes began rapidly switching between light gray and brown. He grabs Virgil’s arm and pulls him closer to him in a harsh manner. He leans dangerously close to his ear, and in the softest voice he could manage, he whispers: “You know too much. All those theories in your head are absolutely right. I can’t keep this up, it’s bound to find out. Don’t worry, I’ll get all of you out. Eventually.”

Utterly terrified, perplexed, and stressed were only a few words that could describe how Virgil was feeling. He gives Dmitri a weak nod and wraps his hoodie around him even tighter. As soon as the lights stopped flickering, it changed from a warm white color to a disturbing red color, bathing the entire room with the color red. Roman, though full of fear, got off of the bed to get out of the room and make himself a salad despite his brother’s warnings.

The door wouldn’t budge so he was forced to sit back down on the king-sized bed and snack on the cookies til the lights were back to normal. Logan only cared for all of their safety and wouldn’t want any of them to be attacked by whoever was messing with them. Surely, they’ve got to be inside the house. Yet the look on Dmitri’s face said otherwise. He appeared to be calm, but he was shaking. Virgil on the other hand was breathing heavily, and Patton was trying not to cry.

The light flickered once more, making it dark for a fraction of a second then returning to its previous state. They all sighed in relief. Now that that was over, Logan got up to check if there were any people inside the house that may have messed with their lighting and if there were any possessions stolen. There was just one tiny problem.

“Hey uh, where’s Dmitri?” asked Virgil, who was doing his best to keep his breathing even. He was a hundred percent sure that he was there a moment ago. They would be able to feel it if someone were to get up, seeing as they were all sitting down very closely to each other. It was almost like Dmitri had disappeared in thin air.

“No one is going to leave this room until I am sure that it is safe to do so.” Logan announces to the remaining members of the group.

As if it couldn’t get any weirder, their phones all went off simultaneously, and the television was switching through channels at a blistering speed. A familiar face shows up on TV. It was Dmitri. His irises were now yellow and he looked scared. Anxious, even. There was nothing but darkness behind him. Everything was so difficult to understand and there were a thousand thoughts that were overlapping over each other. It didn’t make any sense.

“I’m dreaming, it’s okay it’s just a nightmare. It’s just a dream.” Roman repeated over and over to himself.

“I don’t have much time,” Dmitri starts, looking around nervously before continuing. “I’ll do my best to get you all out. Just please don’t look at it in the eyes for any longer than 10 seconds. I wish you all the best of luck.”

The television turns off and their phones stop making noise. Roman is the first to speak. “What was all that about?”

A loud crackling sound is heard, followed by the deafening sound of static. Then the power went out. Usually, one would still be able to make out the figures of whatever is in a completely dark room. Or at least be able to feel any objects that were littered around.

It was entirely pitch black. Like when one would close their eyes and be met with absolute darkness. It no longer felt like they were sitting cross-legged on the bed.

“Logan?” Roman called out, reaching his arms out and feeling around for any sign of life.

“Here!” His brother responded. Did he hear it on the left or on the right?

It was clear that the brothers were in close proximity to each other. Virgil on the other hand, found that he was slightly farther away due to the voices barely being heard. He took out his phone from his pocket and used it as a flashlight, though not much was accomplished. Everything was still pitch black. He walked around for a bit—a desperate attempt at finding a way out. No luck. Instead, he had tripped on something. Or rather, someone.

Virgil shone a light at what had caused him to trip. A body. He didn’t know if the person was dead or not, but they sure had a familiar face. Well, it did have a rotting smell so he supposed it was a dead body. It was a face he had seen around before, though he couldn’t pinpoint where he had seen it. The anxiety was starting to kick in. Its head shifted to the right, allowing him to observe its face more.

Its eyes flew open.

“Holy fuck.” Virgil kicked it in surprise and ran as far as he could away from the seemingly alive corpse. It was so dark that he had not seen that there was someone in front of him, causing him to bump into the person. He pointed his light at the person’s face which made them squint. It was Roman.

“Watch it, Captain Brood.” He sneered.

“You’re in my way, Roman Numerals.” Virgil retorted. “Where are we?”

“Definitely not in Bill Nye the stoic guy’s room, that’s for sure.”

Someone crashed into Virgil, making him bump into Roman once more. They could tell it was Patton right away, because of the high-pitched squeal he made when he saw it was the two of them. Logan was with him as well, holding Patton’s hand to make sure he doesn’t run off and get lost even more.

“The whole group is here! Let’s go, my entourage!” Roman exclaimed as he took the lead. Logan, Patton, and Virgil followed behind him, with Patton refusing to let go of Logan’s hand. Just in case.

“L, how do you suppose we get out?”

“That is for us to find out. Are you alright?”

“M’not on the verge of a panic attack. It’s strange, I feel like I’m being watched but it also feels like I’m safe.”

“I suppose that’s a good thing.”

The four of them continued walking, following wherever Roman decided to go. It’s not like they know where they’re going either, so they might as well take a chance. Eventually, they come across a door. Roman puts a hand on the doorknob and faces Logan, probably asking for permission first to open the door. His older brother nods. They all silently pray that it’s the way out.

It’s a…house?

More specifically, it was a freaking huge house reminiscent of the one in Layers of Fear. Oh for goodness sake, out of anything that the dark void could possibly bring them to, it puts them in a freaking video game. Virgil groans upon realization and picks up a cassette tape that was randomly laying around. He attempts to throw it at the wall out of frustration, but was stopped by Patton.

“Wait! I found a cassette tape player, maybe this is a clue!” He says, taking the tape from his friend.

He plays the tape.

“Hello? Hello, hello? I’m kidding. This is Dmitri. I see you’ve found the first clue. Don’t worry about me, I’m okay. Doing my best to get it away from you guys as possible. Focus on finding a way out, and don’t split up. It’s going to use your fears against you, and you’re all probably in the first stage right now.”

They all look at each other with accusing stares.

“So which one of you is afraid of this game in particular?” Roman asks, pointing to the other three.

Patton raises his hand slowly. “The painting is scary!”

“This is fine, I’ve played this before. Just don’t wander off.” Virgil said as he gave a knowing look at the other three.

The layout of the house wasn’t how Virgil remembered it, but it has been a while since he had played it so he wasn’t entirely sure. It seemed to have elements from different games he had played, though. He was wondering how a simple social networking site could put them in so much danger when he came across a piece of paper hanging from a strand of spider silk. Logan takes it before Virgil could.

Similar to the first note they had gotten, it had a drawing of an eye. In the center it had a message. Logan reads it aloud.  

“You should have read the privacy policy.”

“No it doesn’t!” Virgil scoffs, taking the piece of paper from Logan and reading what it said to the others. “You know too much.”

Roman peeks at the paper, frowning when it obviously didn’t say both those things. He snatches it from Virgil and clears his throat before speaking. “You were better off clueless.”

And of course, it wasn’t the same for Patton. Roman shows him the message, trying to prove that he had the “real” message. Patton reads it for the rest of them, a shiver running down his spine upon uttering the words that were written in such a familiar handwriting.

“I didn’t think you’d last without me. I see now that I was wrong. We’ll meet again.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

taglist :: @ai-incarnate​ @anon-e-has-a-tmblr @baddeceit-ohsorrydeceit @but-jesuschrist-im-never-good @captainlilithrouge @cats-fandom-universe-room @cryptidcherrry @deceit-is-a-lil-bitch @comicsimpson @easyidentification @effortiswhatmatters @human-being-kinda @ilovemygaydad @insanetentacles @keeshy-ekho @lemon-towns @lesbian-aesthics-are-my-aesthic @lokisuggests @lopaviro @lucifer-just-needs-a-hug @mychemicalpanicattheemo @nottodaylogic @prplzorua @roanoaks @rosepyxels@starrycari @strickenwithclairvoyance @sanders-sides-rebloger​@suyun-doo @therealmoshar@theultimatemomfriend @unicornlogansanders @what-even-is-thiss@whizzie72 @why-should-i-tell-youu2

[shrimpcolour]

1-82

gooevery question lets go

1: The last person you kissed screams they love you, you say…

i love you too!2: Did you get to sleep in today?

until 2 pm but thats just depression baeby3: You never know what you got until you lose it?

i concur 4: Do you have siblings?

three of them5: How many kids do you want?

2 6: Who was the last person you held hands with?

i dont like holding hands7: Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?

i dont believe so8: Do you think if you died, the last person you kissed would care?

i sure fucking hope so9: Last person to talk on the phone?

my mom10: Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?

no11: When’s your birthday?

november 3 12: Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?

yes 13: What kind of phone do you have?

iphone 814: Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

sweatpants they are new15: Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago?

yes i was a freak 5 yeaars ago16: What were you doing at 4 am?

fucking around on this hell site17: Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?

write a paper18: Are you lying to yourself about something?

im a frequent liar to myself19: Last night you felt…?

extreme nothingness20: What’s something you cannot wait for?

good fucking vibes21: Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but when somewhere different?

i mean yeah but like . not anywhere bad22: How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

3?23: Are you a morning or night person?

both? that time when everyone is sleepig and its quiet24: What did you get your last bruise from?

my sister25: Do you reply to all of your texts?

no bc i dont see them26: Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?

already answered this but just ignore it and cry a little27: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

no28: Anyone you would like to get things straight with?

francesca or lexi my ex best friends29: How many months until your birthday?

430: Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?

nothing i hate it31: Did you like this past summer?

i dont mind it32: What were you doing before you got on the computer?

shopping33: Your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner. What do you do?

smile and just wave? nothing hostile im not an animal34: What is the last thing you said out loud?

i whispered what the fuck

35: Your mood summed into one word?

gross36: Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey?

i should be talking in discord but its too much37: What are your initials?

tmf38: Are you a happy person?

i hope to be39: Do you still talk to the person you liked 4 months ago?

no 40: Where do you want to live when your older?

in a city for my 20s but then whereever after41: Have you had your birthday this year?

at a hall42: What did you do yesterday?

i dont even remember43: What will you be doing tomorrow?

hanging out w w jill and probably fighting w my mom44: How late did you stay up last night?

til around 845: Is there anyone you would do anything for?

yes my sister46: Is it hard to make you laugh?

no certain people can just breathe and i will cackle47: Do you believe ex’s can be just friends?

no hence my actions48: Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?

i dont believe so im an asshole and a horrible girlfriend lol!49: How many people have you had feelings for in the year of 2012?

0? i was like 350: Do you wish your ex was dead?

absolutely not i wish only good things51: Have you ever dyed your hair?

yes many times52: Would ever take back someone that cheated?

idk depends but probably not53: Was New Year’s Even enjoyable?

yes i loved it54: Bet you’re missing someone right now?

indeed55: How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?

my dad wants me to get one 56: Sleep on your back or stomach?

side57: If you could move away, no questions asked, where would it be ?

maryland near the coast 58: What would you change about your life right now?

my relationship and also i would love to know how i feel59: Has anything upset you in the past week?

yes 60: Are you on the phone?

no61: Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?

foward62: Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?

40000 baeby63: Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?

yes i have64: Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?

yes a lot65: Have you ever copied someone elses homework?

more than i would like66: Are you the type of person who liks to be out or at home?

home67: Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up?

yes 68: Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?

yes69: Could you use some sleep right now?

yes70: Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18?

god i fucking hope not71: Does it bother you when someone hides things from you?

sometimes but i hide things too so i get it72: What’s your favorite color?

purple73: Have you ever slept in the same room with someone you liked?

i think so?74: Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?

YES KSJDKH75: Do you get annoyed easily?

yes i do sadly76: If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?

when im not in a relationship yeah77: Do you have a person of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?

no 78: Does anyone call you babe?

jillie and some of my lovely mutuals79: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

0 but i kinda trust my dad80: What do you prefer, relationship or one night stand?

idk ill get back to you on that in like 5 years81: What color hoodie did you wear last?

rey82: Is there someone who meant alot to you at one point, and isn’t around anymore?

so many 

[heliantyr]

ALRIGHT!

Time for questions! I’m going to put 1-9 here plain and simple, and then the rest will be under the break just so that you don’t have to scroll to oblivion if you don’t want to see this! Let’s go!

1: Name

     My name is Jude, or Coreta if you wanna use my pen name! A few of you might also know me as Virchude since that’s my main blog!

2: Age

    I won’t tell you plainly, but I am still in high school.

3: City that you live in

     I’m just gonna tell you which state! I live in the lower peninsula of Michigan!

4: What do most people not know about you?

     I’m almost certain that none of you know this, but I am the youngest of  my dad’s (kinda) six kids.

5:  What do most people know you for?

     If we’re talking just here, I hope to all get out it’s my headcanons, but in real life it’s the fact that I get offended rather easily...

6: Hobbies!

     I do a lot of pointless writing (meaning I never finish anything)... I also draw a lot of random junk, I rad a shit ton of fanfiction, I sing/write songs a lot... uuhh and do nothing.

7: What are your passions?

     I have a very large passion for helping those around me who have suffered like I have mentally and emotionally. I also really like debating (more like arguing) with people about politics!

8: When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?

     Just yesterday my mom, older sister, and I ended up accidentally sitting down in the living room and ranting about how shitty out lives are... so.......... yeah

9: have you collected anything? What is it?

     I have a small hat collection (that I hardly ever wear), and I’m beginning a plant collection! There is also a ever fluctuating collection of cups and bottles in my room T-T

10: List ten things off your bucket list (I may not remember half of these TvT)

*Take a trip back to Colorado with my friends

*Start a business

*Travel to at least 8 countries

*Go to Andorra

*Be known for some great feat

*Have one of my works (whether art or writing, etc) become famous or greatly known

*Meet one of my favorite actors/band members (doesn’t matter who)

*Learn to swim...............

*Make drastic strides towards saving the planet

*Meet more people from my dad’s side of the family

11: What was the last thing you learned?

     Seeing as I got out of world history an hour and a half ago, we learned about the Cold War and how the USSR fell apart because of silly putty

12: How many relationships have you been in?

     Counting the ones that didn’t mean shit, 4. Only counting the ones that actually meant something, 2.

13 + 14 I am not answering.

15: Favorite food

     Menudo. Fuckin love it

16: Favorite drink

     hm... either tea or ginger ale, but out of a shot glass TvT A TWO LETER OUT OF A SHOT GLASS

17: What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?

     I went to NYC over my birthday weekend this year with my school’s choir, and our tour leader on my bus got me a pastry in Little Italy! It meant so much because I didn’t even know her! 

18: Are you optimistic or pessimistic?

     I’m usually pessimistic unless my friends are also being pessimistic, cuz then I’m frigin sunshine and rainbows!

19: Do you sleep during class?

     Not very often, and only if what I’m doing isn’t actually important.

20: What is the most expensive thing you own?

     If not my actual bed, my laptop, which is $200.

21: What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?

     ..... I... Don’t know... uh I got a huge fukin thing of cocoa butter lotion at the dollar tree... and it’s kind of multi use?!?

22: How many time a day on average to you check your phone?

     .........don’t look at me like that.

23: Text or call?

     Text. I wanna call people, but what if they don’t pick up? Or it’s really awkward? or I can’t hear them? or vise versa? or-

24: Opinion on long distance?

     Sounds like torture. I honestly couldn’t do it.

25: What is your definition of success?

     Feeling satisfied or content with what you’ve done.

26: Favorite song?

     um. At the moment, Killer Queen by Queen.

27: Favorite artist?

     Music wise, Patrick Stump. Art wise, Van Gogh.

28: Celebrity crush/crushes?

     That’s a long list. But my main two recently have been Sebastian Stan and Tom Holland...

29: When was the last time you read for fun?

     Aside from fanfiction? Last Wednesday night I stayed up reading Shakespeare’s sonnets to myself...

30: Favorite flower?

     chrysanthemums!

31: What is the best gift you could receive right now?

     A confidence boost that lasted at least the rest of high school...

32: Any guilty pleasures?

     Day dreaming about random shit.... random weird shit about people I know...

33: What is one thing you’d like to change about yourself?

     Hm... I think I’d change my mental health. I just wanna be perfectly okay for once.

34: What do you search for in a friend?

     being able to understand me, relate to me, and be weird with me. Also mutual interests. And reasonable barriers.

35: How many times have I said “I love you” in the past month?

     You expect me you count???? A shit ton! Do you know how many times a day I have a family member leave the goddamn house????

36: Where dd you last go other than your room/home?

     School.

37: Why do good things happen to good people?

     Because that’s not how life works. Our society constantly has people suffering, no matter who they are or what they’ve done.

38: In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out, or being stabbed in the eye?

     Seeing as I’m just about used to the pain of being left out, I’d say being stabbed in the eye. I am such a wuss T-T

39: How many green shirts do you own?

     1. It’s a St. Patty’s day shirt.

40: Do you like anime?

     noooooooooooo.......... not at allllll.... TvT I’m tired!

41: What do you invest the most time in?

     Either videogames or fanfiction.

42: What is the name of the last book you read?

     The Hobbit (even though I haven’t finished yet)

43: What’s the difference between loving and liking someone?

     No clue... Still trying to figure that out.

44: Where are you most productive?

     My art classroom

45: List three things you enjoy doing with friends:

*Complaining about life

*being gay

*Pretend to kidnap one of them my dragging them around the floor during lunch

46: List three things you like to do alone:

*Listen to music

*Think

*Read

47: Do you think that world peace will ever exist?

     As long as there are living things on it? Never.

48: Do you have any allergies?

     Absolutely none! I knew this kid in the third grade who was allergic to nuts, milk, AND gluten!

49: When was the last time you cussed at someone?

     My friend and I got into an argument about who the best actors are during english....

50: What was the last promise you made?

     .......Is it bad that I don’t remember?

51: What was your last dream about?

     I had a hedgehog (which I really frikin want), and I was taking care of them, and hen this asshole in my grade was in my living room and I had to be nice to him.

52: If you won a trip to Hawaii and could take 5 people with you, who would they be? 

*My best friend Kiara

*My friend Raph

*My other friend Molly

*My other other friend Faith

*My dog

53: How many countries have you visited?

     1, if you count the fact that I live in one!

54: What is your favorite medium of art?

     Music. It moves me so easily.

55: When was the last time someone complimented you?

     My friend Laura jokingly complimented my hair during english (we were looking at old english compliments) and she winked at me TyT

56: If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?

     uh... hol up, wha? 

57: Do you consider yourself mature?

     At times, yes.

58: How many days in your life do you think you’ve wasted on tumblr?

     so frigin many, but there’s more to come!!!!

59: What is your favorite quote?

     “I was so good at sports when I was in high school, that I started a band.”

                                      -Patrick Stump

60:  If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?

*Be kind to all (see how that’s turned out???)

*Spend life learning. Try to find the lesson in your experiences.

*Mental growth is more important than anything

61: What is your greatest accomplishment?

     Being alive today.

62: Do you believe in the death penalty?

     No, not really.

63: What are your goals in life?

     To be a better person than my mother is, and to help others on a mental level.

64: What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?

     I honestly have no clue... maybe something weird?

65:  If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.

     I would have to go with.......... oo that’s hard................... the bnha universe      T-T I want powers!

66: What were you like in 2013? 

     I was an awkward, abusive, shitty little child.

67: Do you have a job?

     Nope! I’m planning on possibly finding a part-time one soon, though!

68: Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.

     His name was Parker, and he was a year older than me. He was my first friend other than my older sister, and I loved him so much. I don’t remember much, seeing as the last time I saw him I was five... It was early fall, just when the leaves start to fall. We had one of those trees in my front year that dropped the seed thingies that twirled around. Parker and I would always toss so many of those in the air until out hands got cold... I really miss him.

69: If you could change one thing in society, what would it be?

     I would get rid of corrupt governments and people in positions of power.

70: How many all-nighters have you pulled before?

     Never have I pulled one for school, but I find myself staying up til the crack of dawn the day before school starts, usually. Or on nights when I can’t but help contemplate everything to the point of not being able to sleep at all.

71: Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is it?

     Tumblr is one of my favorites, but Ao3 has my ass.

72: What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?

     Nothing. I tend to be very hard to bribe. But if I reaaallly needed the money, I wouldn’t be able to kill someone, I’ll tell you that.

73: Does money equal happiness?

     It can for some people, but not for all.

74: How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?

     I don’t know, a few? I’m never truly happy until my thoughts leave me alone. 

75: How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?

     More than happy, I can tell you that.

76: What’s the funniest joke you have ever been told?

     My generation is going to save the planet.

77: When was the last time you looked at the news?

     We actually watched a news clip during history today!

78: If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?

     Stop being a dick!

79: What is your favorite animal?

     A hedgehog!! 

80: If you could earn a million dollars for pretending to be dead for three years, would you do it?

     NO! I have people who would miss my sorry ass, then murder me for coming back!

81: What is one thing everyone is bad at?

     Having a lot of friends. A lot of the time (in my personal experience), the more friends you have, the less time you can spend with them, and the less close you are, until eventually you can’t keep dividing your time!

82: What time do you normally sleep? How many hours do you usually get? 

     uuuhh... yes, and not enough!

83: Does age necessarily equal maturity?

     No, but that does not excuse digusting things like p*****ilia.

84: What is your favorite clothing store? 

     ....The Hot Topical.

85: In the winter- beanies or gloves?

     why not both?!?!?!?

86: Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?

     Wings. I can’t swim, and I panic underwater.

87: If you had the power to erase someone from the world so that nobody remembered them but you, would you do it?

     That depends, does it fuck up history? Cuz in that case, no!

88: What do you fear the most?

     Being abandoned by everyone.

89: How many digits of pi can you recite?

     3...

90: If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, what year would it be?

     2015, so I could leave a better version of my for my friends that I leave at the end of the year,

91: Describe yourself in one word.

     Invasive

92: Describe your last victory.

     I had a conversation with that asshole from my dream without arguing with him.

93: What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?

     SO! This one time towards the end of the school day in the seventh grade. This one kid (let’s call him V) was sitting next to his friend (C). I look over as I go to shoulder my bag, and V is running his hand down C’s thigh. V catches me looking, and goes “WHAT?! he did it first!” like that made it better! (and it kinda did because that’s still one of my best stories!)

94: What is something you will never forget?

     Something traumatic

95: Would you rather forget all of the past, or remember everything in vivid detail?

     Vivid detail. Then maybe I could win arguments with my sister!

96: Have you ever broken a bone before?

     yeah... I fractured the growth plate in my foot in the sixth grade... by walking.....

97: Is it harder love someone, or hate someone?

     love is so hard....

98: Coffee or tea?

I drink both, but tea ftw!

99: What are some little things you do that have changed your life in a positive way?

     I have become more friendly with my dog, and he actually likes me now!

100: How many hours do spend on tumblr a day?

     quite a fukin few....

[soysaucevictim]

I’ve been worrying myself sick lately... but the day finally came. And I still feel a level of uncertainty - the hard part of things is over for the time being.

-

June 4

I got up  around 7:30 AM again.

Socialized, went to Seeking Safety, did some Resilient Grieving reflection (but not a lot), and listened to music.

Still feel pulled in way too damn many directions. And I can’t even ENGAGE any of them until the hearing happens and what the verdict is going to be. And I’m so fucking frustrated, more with myself, that I just can’t make myself do that lately. I know it’s probably going to pass once The Day happens. And it will be SOME kind of relief (be it favorable result or not), once I have something to work with. I feel like no one is being patient with me, including myself, despite how clearly evident how much distress I’m in.

There’s some complex grief response shit I need to work on, the fear of getting my teeth fixed, the fear of learning to fucking drive, the fear that I don’t understand what the fuck my needs/priorities are (and the support I deserve towards them), the sense of falling far too behind on house work that needs to be done, the feeling of making excuse after excuse - that I’m not trying hard enough, and being too gawd damn frazzled to get my sleep (also medication & exercise) schedule somewhere fucking sensible again. And everything just feeds into each other and makes me want to fucking scream sometimes.

ANYWAYS... after getting home and getting distracted by the BS (because it’s the only way I’m able to fucking cope with this fucking thunderstorm in my head, atm)... I did at least get my exercise in. :I

First, today’s DD. 1′ basic burpees with EC. Manageable, despite under-sleeping. I also counted 20 completed reps by the end. Whew. :U

Second, Day 3 of the NC. “Strength“, meaning push-ups. Though I did think about going for 2′. I did 1′ (so Level 2). Which was a good call, since I was getting close to my PB & form got pretty messy. But I did count 42 of them in the time given.

Last, Day 3 of the PUP. Lower body work again - more distal stuff. I did have to drop down my left foot a few times during the leg swings because of fatigue making keeping balance real difficult. Probably also because I was too tired

Despite being too damn tired... I still stayed up till like 5AM with the same old BS. I’m a fucking mess. :/

-

June 5*

Been up since like 2PM. Meant to at least get up early enough to take my morning meds. Didn’t. So I didn’t take them at all! (Because I know you REALLY should try to keep that shit consistently spaced out... wild windows of hours is ill advised.)

Don’t have much to say about my day that I haven’t already.

Okay. I wound up doing all my exercise after midnight.

First, today’s DD. 20 matrix tilts with EC. Not a huge fave since it's pretty intense for the knees. But manageable.

Second, Day 4 of the NC. “Stealth“, meaning a wall-sit hold. This time I actually went for the 2′ duration, Level 3. It was fairly tough but very doable - given I’ve done this amount before. Also, watching Sanders Sides is a fantastic distraction from the burning quads. Pffft. :,D

Last, Day 4 of the PUP. Lower body work - but closer to the thighs/core. This was tough to get through. And I did have to pause for muscle recovering in tthe later half/quarter. The side leg raises didn’t stay very high - but oh well. Did the best I was able to do for the day.

Now. I sincerely doubt I’ll be going to the facility “tomorrow”. Since I wrote this bit past 3AM. =_=

-

June 6*

.I wound up staying up til like noon. Opting not to go to the facility today and sleeping til almost 6PM.

Same old noise after that. Wound up doing my exercise past midnight again, though*. :I

First, today’s DD. 60 turning kicks with EC. I always enjoy combat work. I tried to make sure to not let the foot drop until the side was done. Did wobble a few times but was able to keep it going. :D

Second, Day 5 of the NC. “Grit“, meaning up/down planks. I went for 1′ again and counted 16 reps in that time (counting each direction as one rep). This was certainly difficult, but I did pace myself and think to wear some long sleeves. JUst happy to not scrape up my elbows today. :P

Last, Day 5 of the PUP. Upperbody work. I did like that it involved knee push-ups. So that helped keep things just about manageable. That being said it was a bit of a hassle figuring out how to set it up so my knees weren’t unhappy and that I could check on the timer. Figured things out, but that did take some willpower to accomplish.

-

June 7

Been up since about 4PM.

Mostly been up to the same noise - but I did some dishes, made some dinner, and exercised.

First, today’s DD. 60 standing W-extensions with EC. I enjoyed this a lot. I also did a few extra in case I lost count. :D

Second, Day 6 of the NC. “Balance”, meaning one legged stand. I knew that I could pretty easily manage 2′ of this one In fact, I technically shot for 4′, 2′ for each side back-to-back.

Last, Day 6 of the PUP. Kind of mixed focus on squat and side elbow plank stuff. Did have a false start hours before going for it to completion. Mostly was frustrated with how I wanted to keep track of time while on the floor. But this whole thing was not a walk in the park. Second round of planks I did brace with top leg forward a bit.

-

June 8

Though I did get up a couple times earlier, I got up proper at like 6PM. Yeah.

First, today’s DD. 30 butterfly sit-ups with EC. This variation still requires some foot anchoring to do very many of. But nevertheless enjoyable! :D

Second, Day 7 of the NC. “Endurance“, meaning climbers. I went for 1′, Level 2. I counted 136 reps by the end. Did think about trying for 2′ again, but decided I wasn’t up for it.

(After getting way too damn distracted again...)

Last, Day 7 of the PUP. Lower body work. I’d say this was a more enjoyable sequence to get through and I didn’t have to drop/pause at any point. It wasn’t easy though!

(I may go add notation where I had to compromise, mostly for the data. :P )

-

June 9

Similar story as yesterday, except getting up after 3PM today.

Same old noise, but I did try to get my exercise done early on for the day.

First, today’s DD. 20 stacked push-ups with EC. Not much to say other than I found this one very manageable. :P

Second, Day 8 of the NC. “Core strength“, meaning hollow hold. First time I just had to tap out at Level 1 or 30″. I know my PBs can be upwards to a minute - I just didn’t feel up to straining my neck, because historically this exercise is pretty terrible for it.

Last, Day 8 of the PUP. Upper body work. I did very much enjoy this sequence, made my forearms burn (what with all the un/clenching of fists), as well as my shoulders. But it was a nice break on the former for the holds.

Tomorrow is The Day. So, after that, I took a shower and prepped some notes for the hearing before getting to bed. I also did try to get to sleep at a more reasonable time by my standards...

-

June 10

I didn’t get the most restful sleep last night. Getting up a few hours earlier due to muscle aches and stomach feeling all knotted up. :S

Ate a little bit and tried to get as much sleep as I could until 7:30.

Got dressed and was driven to court. The wait to get called in (with representative) was nerve-wracking. But the judge seemed to be warm enough and I didn't wind up having to cry-talk during our discussion. Probs won't know the ruling until a few months, I assume.

Feels like it's going to be a coin flip, tbh. But, I'm just happy to get it over with.

Got home and gamed awhile before exercising.

First, today’s DD. 40 raised leg circles with EC. This was doable despite exhaustion. But, the thing I've been stressing out over for the past several weeks is done. So that's something. :P

Second, Day 9 of the NC. “Combat“, meaning punches. Let’s just say I was looking forward to this after the hearing stuff. Something reliably enjoyable to keep my head from getting bleak again. Easily knocked out 2′ (Level 3), with 216 punches thrown. Tried to put a bit more of a twist into them. =w=

Last, Day 9 of the PUP. Lower body work. I also liked how this went. I did not do balanced side leg raises for the reps (keeping foot off floor, while down) but it didn’t seem to imply that interpretation. It certainly would’ve been harder than it already was, if so. But I did keep the holds up for their full durations. The balance work was super satisfying! :D

That did wake me up a bit more. I still wanted to take a nap... but wound up not doing so. Also wanted to get some notes together for my therapy appointment tomorrow. But ran out of time/energy for that,

But now, I need do a bit of archiving and try to get to bed.

[sleepykittypaws]

Best and Worst of 2018

Well, it’s hard to believe another holiday season has come and gone. It feels like just yesterday (a.k.a. September) when I was filled with such hope and excitement for the ever-growing crop of holiday entertainment headed our way. With 83 original made-for-TV movies debuting on network/cable + Netflix/Hulu alone, I barely scratched the viewing surface, even while mostly watching new holiday content nightly from November through Christmas. For instance, this is the first year I didn’t get to a single ION or UP offering. Heck, I didn’t even get through all of Lifetime’s offerings, which I mostly really enjoyed, let alone do more than dip my toe into Hallmark’s daunting 38 new movies. But, of the more than 34 new movies and specials I did sample this season, here are my best and worst…

Best Made-for-TV Holiday Movie of 2018

Early on it became pretty clear that Hallmark’s ever-more homogenized offerings were unlikely to produce my seasonal favorite. Now, it’s possible I just missed that gem that was gonna win me over, since I stopped watching Hallmark altogether at some point, but for the second year in a row, it was Lifetime that offered up my favorite of the season, with one of their acquired titles, Every Other Holiday.

Every Other had both rom and (some) com, but wasn’t your standard made-for-TV Christmas fare. It was clearly just as low budget, but it was a lot more realistic and well-acted than average. It wasn’t light, fizzy fun, and it even had a strong faith element, which is usually not my favorite, but it was so well done, it was impossible not to like. 

The story of a an estranged family fulfilling their children’s wish of spending Christmas together with extended family, instead of only sharing “every other holiday” with each parent, was well-written, holiday-centric and ultimately touching. I just loved it, and really hope it becomes available on DVD or digital.

Hitting a completely different note, I also really liked the cheese-tastic Lifetime original A Very Nutty Christmas, starring Melissa Joan Hart, who is, for me, the Queen of Made-for-TV Christmas movies. Not only did she star in the classic Holiday in Handcuffs, this is her second-straight, sweet, funny Lifetime joint, after last year’s a A Very Merry Toy Store, and I hope she continues to make more. (Hart’s company also produced both Nutty and Toy Store.)

This story of a nutcracker come to life, and the baker who falls in love with him, was super silly Christmas fun, with all the elements of the classic ballet transposed onto a small town bakery in the lead up to the holiday. The cast was outstanding, and quite funny, and it was the perfect amount of crazy Christmas fun, that really hit my holiday movie sweet spot.

Honorable mentions also go to the quite funny The Truth About Christmas (Freeform) and wacky The Princess Switch (Netflix), both of which were light, fun holiday larks that I absolutely enjoyed.

My 2018 Made-for-TV Top 10

Every Other Holiday (Lifetime)

A Very Nutty Christmas (Lifetime)

The Truth About Christmas (Freeform)

The Princess Switch (Netflix)

The Christmas Chronicles (Netflix)

Christmas Lost and Found (Lifetime)

The Christmas Contract (Lifetime)

Poinsettias for Christmas (Lifetime)

A Christmas in Tennessee (Lifetime)

Return to Christmas Creek (Hallmark Movies and Mysteries)

Honestly, Return only made the cut because it was best of a bad batch I watched from Hallmark, and there were probably plenty I rated two paws that I actually enjoyed more. 

Clearly, I am hoping Lifetime stays in the Christmas movie fight, as I strongly feel they’re out Hallmark-ing Hallmark, on every level. Lifetime is bringing the cute Christmas romance, but also offering up greater diversity, better casts (with a heavy lean towards late ’80s/early ’90s nostalgia), and scripts that nail the formula, without seeming formulaic and boring. Family friendly and sweet doesn’t have to also equal absolutely boring and bland, and Lifetime is proving that year over year.

Best Theatrical Holiday Movie of 2018

This category is a bit of a cheat, since I didn’t actually go to the movies this Christmas season, but thanks to some quick video turn arounds, I was able to see some of the stuff that debuted, albeit in one case only briefly, in theaters this year.

My favorite is the not-exactly-Christmas, but very snowy and fun, Smallfoot. I did not expect to enjoy this Channing Tatum-voiced Yeti movie nearly as much as I did. It was smart, funny and great fun for the whole family. Much more savvy and sweet than expected, this story of a Yeti tribe who live isolated above the clouds for their own protection, find their belief in a series of wacky explanations is challenged when one of them sees the mythical “smallfoot,” a.k.a. a human being.

My other, much more holiday-centric pick, is Elliot: The Littlest Reindeer, which enjoyed a brief theatrical release before jumping directly to digital. This long-delayed movie about a miniature horse who wants to be one of Santa’s reindeer, boasts a talented voice cast and a charming story that went in ways I definitely didn’t expect. The animation isn’t totally up to par, but our entire family enjoyed this original take on Santa and his magic, and I definitely see us re-watching it in future seasons.

And, honestly, The Christmas Chronicles probably belongs in this list, rather than made-for-TV, since the Netflix original had a much more big screen budget. Kurt Russell’s cool Santa will be watched more than once in many households, and I can definitely see it becoming a bit of a Christmas classic over time.

Best Holiday Special of 2018

Disney Channel’s reboot of the classic Ducktales offered up its first Christmas special in 2018, and it was a doozy. Ducktales Last Christmas! got multiple watches in our household this season. 

This full-of-callbacks half hour managed to bring in Mickey’s Christmas Carol and Dr. Who, with a large nod to David Tennant, current voice of Scrooge McDuck, and a host of other meta-jokes that make it well worth watching more than once. 

The tale of Scrooge visiting great Christmas parties across time with a little help from these, “three ghosts he met once when they meant to visit another Scrooge,” was great, classic animation that was a just a ton of fun to watch, and I think I liked it even better the second time around. 

Honorable mentions go to NBC’s A Legendary Christmas with John and Chrissy, who’s throwback quirky style put a huge smile on my face, and Netflix, for finally blessing us with Great British Baking Show: Holidays.

Best New-to-Me Holiday Discovery of 2018

The 2017 theatrical The Man Who Invented Christmas was, I believe, considered a box office flop, but this somewhat ahistorical tale of how Dickens created his legendary A Christmas Carol was great holiday fun, with Dan Stevens ably channeling the Victorian-era author. I’m not sure it’s funny or schmaltzy enough to become a Christmas classic in the It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story vein, but I have no doubt it will become much better known as more people get a chance to experience it.

I also want to offer up two honorable mentions for made-for-TV movies of yore I saw for the first time this season, including the delightful 2013 Hallmark movie, Window Wonderland, which earned a spot on my all-time-favorites list and definitely made me wish Hallmark still made smartly written and less formulaic movies like this. 

I also really liked Melissa Joan Hart’s 2014, The Santa Con, which she directed herself and was her first holiday pairing with Barry Watson, also her co-star in A Very Nutty Christmas. Con was another definitely different movie not afraid to buck the formula, which I really enjoyed.

But it wasn’t all Christmas Eve snow and candy canes this season so on to what I didn’t like…

Worst Made-for-TV Holiday Movie of 2018

I was deeply torn between two Hallmark movies I spent the entire runtime hating more and more as the movie went on: Christmas in Evergreen: Letters to Santa and Mingle all the Way. Both contained actresses I’ve really enjoyed in other Hallmark projects, Ashley Williams and Jen Lilley, respectively, and in the case of Evergreen, the 2017 original actually made my best-of list last season.

Both were less “movies” than a checklist of Hallmark plot points so grimly adhered to and executed that you could almost see the script writer’s notes 

decorate Christmas tree ✔️

make gingerbread house ✔️

have snowball fight ✔️

save business ✔️

kiss under soap bubble snow ✔️

The End ✔️

These are the exact sort of competently produced (they look just fine), content-free, promo-filled (everything in the picture above, with the sole exception of actress Jill Wagner, can be purchased at a Hallmark store near you) faux-festive slogs that I find mind-numbing, and not in a good way. 

I totally want silly, cheesy and cozy in my Christmas fare. But I do not care for churned out, near-identical schlock. Basically, there’s good cheese, and there’s bad, and Hallmark’s brand this season seemed to be entirely of the “cheez” variety, a.k.a. we-can’t-legally-call-it-cheese-because-it-contains-no-dairy. 

Slick, but joy-free is how I sum up Hallmark’s 2018 slate. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m in the minority here, as their ratings are going up and up and up. I fully expect to see even less interesting movies, and more of ’em, in 2019. I’m just not sure I’ll be bothering to watch.

Not that there weren’t bad fare to be found beyond Hallmark’s borders… 

Lifetime’s A Twist of Christmas was a boring promo for the weirdest product ever: an Oreo music box. Still baffled how they didn’t make the “twist” title into an Oreo pun, and I think its lack made me dislike the movie even more.

Freeform’s No Sleep ’Til Christmas had so much potential, but got so many things wrong, it kind of infuriated me more than any other movie this season, simply because it was so close to being really good. (I had a somewhat similar take on A Shoe Addict’s Christmas, but that one wasn’t tone deaf like No Sleep, just boring.)

And, lastly, if I’d been able to make it all the way through the execrable Life-Size 2: A Christmas Eve, I’m pretty confident it would have topped my worst-of picks by a mile. This utterly unwatchable sequel to the quite charming 2000 Wonderful World of Disney film was an epic fail on every level. Not festive, incredibly dumb and not even accidentally funny. All in all, this wildly hyped outing was a disaster of Holiday Joy (my most-hated of 2016) proportions, but with a much bigger budget.

Worst Holiday Special of 2018

Nailed It! is a show that a lot of people, including my 11-year-old son, really enjoy, but I find tedious and kind of disgusting. Nailed It! Holiday! was my first, and frankly, last, experience with the show, and all I can really say is that it is very, very much Not. My. Thing.

Worst New-to-Me Holiday Discovery of 2018

For the second year in a row, Trolls figure into the worst category of my list, this time via this new-to-me 1981 HBO special, The Trolls and the Christmas Express, that I picked to show my kiddos.

Wow, this Canadian-made animated special was a slog. Not terribly festive, it makes Santa’s elves into idiots, and the entire premise of wearing out the reindeer seems … dumb. I mean, aren’t they magic? Do magic reindeer get tired? 

We try to watch a Christmas special every night between Thanksgiving and Christmas—kind of a TV advent calendar—and this was my YouTube pick, as I wanted to watch something we hadn’t seen before. Big mistake. Huge. My kids (justifiably) didn’t let me make a pick again all season.

So, that’s a wrap on Christmas TV 2018. I’ll be back with renewed hope and festive fantasies of TV movie greatness in 2019, mostly because, with each year, there is fresh hope that this time will, for sure, actually be the Best Christmas Ever. 😂

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

#17

I'm gonna take 250 and probably take another 250 once I start that weird feeling thingy. My heart kind of hurts but I'm gonna hope it doesn't get too bad when I'm off these pills

AFTERMATH

Bout the same as yesterday's aftermath. I was completely fine waking up. didn't end up taking the other 250 cause I got focused on this bracelet I was working on. Just had a hard time waking up. I got up at 5, went back to sleep til 8 then heard my parents in the living room and decided I didn't want to be around them so I was gonna stay down here til they left but I fell asleep again. Finally got up around 11 30ish. Didn't feel anything wrong

NOTES/EMOTIONS

My best friend's been on my mind a lot lately. We don't talk as much as we used to. At all. It went from all day everyday to everyday but for less time to every few days but really focused on the convo to now we talk every once in a while and it's usually on some small shit. We aren't very involved in each others lives like we were before. Guess all good things come to an end

I don't know how I feel about it. I know our friendship isn't over just yet but.. I feel like it's coming to a close as far as closeness for now. We don't really catch up anymore. Usually she'll talk a lot when her girlfriend is mad about whatever or she's sad about some shit with her girlfriend. Aside from that we talk very casually and shallow.

Not too mad at it. I feel like that's what I was meant for anyway. It happens like this damn near everytime so I'm chilling. I'm not really upset with her relationship causing all this either tbh. It just feels like an inevitability. She is so caught up in being 1000 and 10 for her partner that she's changing herself for it. I didn't completely see it that way before but now? Very obvious. And if that's the case, what can I do you know? She's only going to snap out of it once she sees it as a problem.

I feel bad calling it a problem honestly. A lot of it is good. But I don't like her reasoning for it. But you know what. Ain't my place and she wouldn't listen to me anyway. She' just have to see it all for herself

There's no hard feelings between us anyway so it's fine if we're distant for now. She'll come back once she's ready and I'll be here. I'm not gonna mope about it and make her feel bad. She's in a hard spot rn and I don't want that to add to things. I'll just stick to the sidelines for now. I'm pretty okay on my own anyway. I'll be here once she's ready

[hehehehwhwhwhehwhehwhwhwh]

Get to know the blogger!

1. Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Either would be rly nice

2. When did your last hug take place?

uhh a couple days ago

3. Are you a jealous person?

Sometimes

4. Are you tired right now?

yeah

5. Do you chew on your straws?

yes

6. Have you ever been called a tease?

yeah several times

7. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?

mhm

8. Do you cry easily?

YES

9. What should you be doing right now?

Sleeping i guess

10. Are you a heavy sleeper?

kind of??

11. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?

yes i have before

12. Are you mad at someone right now?

yes

13. Do you believe in love?

ehh kinda

14. What makes you laugh no matter what?

This goddamn picture

15. Who was the last person you talked to?

i think @slendernyan

16. Do you get butterflies around the person you like?

yeah

17. Will you get married?

Probably not

18. When was the last time you smiled?

idk yesterday maybe?

19. Does anyone like you?

Prolly not

20. Do you secretly like someone?

Kinda

21. Who was the first person you talked to today?

No clue

22. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

My best friend

23. What are you NOT looking forward to?

uh. hospital visits

24. What ARE you looking forward to?

Nothing atm

25. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?

i only believe one (1) boy when he say he love me

26. Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do?

ignore it lmao

27. Do you plan on moving out within the next year?

i WISH

28. Are you a forgiving person?

Sometimes

29. How many TRUE friends do you have?

like 3 or 4

30. Do you fall for people easily?

yeah sadly

31. Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend?

no

32. What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?

water

33. Who was the last person you drove with?

My mom

34. How late did you stay up last night and why?

til 3am because i was not tired

35. If you could move somewhere else, would you?

yes.

36. Who was the last person you took a picture of?

Myself

37. Can you live a day without TV?

yeah

38. When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?

uh like 6hrs ago

39. Three names you go by…

ash, babydoll, ugly

40. Are you currently in a relationship?

no ew

41. What is your all-time favorite romance movie?

i cant think of any at the moment??

42. Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?

no

43. What’s your current problem?

mental health n grades

44. Have you ever had your heart broken?

yes

45. Your thoughts of long distance relationships?

they suck

46. How many kids do you want to have?

NONE

47. Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?

y e s

[shytiff]

Small July Wins

1 - atikah and racheel came over, oa webinar (rheumatology), duolingo (DL)

2 - they ended up sleeping over, DL, "attended" pak Kus' webinar just becausee hes my skripsi advisor

3 - a page of padi cbt, idai webinar (respiratory disease in covid era), DL

4 - ran 3 laps in my house complex (afterwards my heart was pounding against my chest), hopecardis webinar (arrythmia), DL

5 - 1 ma article (moluskum kontagiosum), perkani webinar (congenital heart disease), DL

6 - DL, idai webinar (pregnancy and newborn stuff in covid era), put sheet mask on lol i neglect my face a lot lately

7 - accompanied juan with mom to perbanas institute for sbmptn, while waiting we went to lucky cat and imeri to get apd, picked up juan, went to social pot (kokas) afterwards, DL. Lucky cat was empty, the vibes of a cafe felt new to me (it surely has been a while). I felt super refreshed. Did some writing for ma article there. Tried salmon and black olive spaghetti, caesar salad, mom drank piccolo. The spaghetti kinda tasted like mi telor but with salmon lol. Talked and laughed plenty with mom :) i rarely talk with her nowadays. Im glad the awkwardness melted away

8 - videocalled with apa salahku for gaby's birthday, zoom for school prep (covid safety stuff), a bit of cbt padi, DL

9 - negative rapid test alhamdulillah, fk digital (kejang anak), cbt padi, DL

10 - some exercise, talked with shiko on zoom, DL, aand since i started padi CBT i finished 2 tryouts (150 questions). It’s not a lot but Im proud of myself :)

11 - went to tj duren with ara, but while we wait the n95 seller we went to citraland, tried fried salmon roll at shigeru, ended up meeting the guy at cl, afterwards we got pisang goreng madu bu nanik, went to rodalink pesanggrahan, ended up getting seirockya at puri, and then i dropped ara off at tj duren. Theeen i went to devis place to hang out and sleepover. Lots of foods. Delicious "lava cake" made from instant brownie mix. Played werewolf. In the morning i managed to finish the pre and post tests in OCI Covid. Happy tummy and laughter :) i hope i can be more productive after this

12 - DL (thank god i freezed streak for weekend because i completely forgout about it yesterday), during sleepover @ devi’s we watched love for sale, a copy of my mind, and love for sale 2. The frustration is real bruh we rly wanted to know more about Arini. Did UKDMA (2 attempts, score: 24, 58), wrote 1 MA article, sorted my downloads folder a bit. After ‘wasting’ (happy times is never a wasted time but still, there’s stuff to do) my time yesterday i felt more urge to do something useful

13 - actually started my day with DL and padi cbt wow (brain still fresh from sleep), CBD about BPPV with dr Widayat. Since ive experienced one before i asked and asked and asked lmaooo. Packed up some of the stuff for tomorrow, hoping to not forget things. Read the journal for litrev before bed

14 - DL, first day of school after a while -- turns out weight distribution is key to avoid sore butt LOL. You kinda have to also support your body weight on your feet. Theres no sore butt at all during my 50 mins trip (amazing feat if you ask me). Went to poli rhinologi (DPJP: dr niken) she kindly gave me a patient to examine, and casually told me to put anterior tampon. I, who have never attempted it, was holding back my fear of trying something new lol. Alhamdulillah, i can somehow do it (even though one tampon fell, tiffany paboooo). The ppds kindly explained stuff to me and i feel like i shamelessly ask nowadays. Like it would be a waste not to ask something. Next was CBD @ Ara’s, we ate Ayam Bakar Mas Walid. Liqo with kak Kartika.

15 - DL, did litrev in the morning bcs i fell asleep lmaoo, tweaked tumblr a bit (i like low contrast the most), fell asleep while watching larynx anatomy video until 1:30 pm yalll i missed half of cbd. Tried to read stuff for poli larfar tomorrow.

16 - DL, ppds i met today lives in poris and worked at puskesmas kalideres lmaoo. Had a bit of headache and gassy stomach that felt better after sleeping and eating. thank god i was picked up by mom and theres food and stuff. i guess the difference of being at home and kosan is that you kinda remember more who youre fighting for. my mind felt healthy-ish lately, of some sort. but the headache made me sluggish

17 - DL, nevermind about the healthy mind part lmaoo

18 - DL, physical activity, padi cbt (after 200 questions i was today years old when i realized there were answer keys on telegram 👁️👄👁️), read optima tht batch 1 2020. Watched khs playing chess blindfolded against try guys and then i was purely amazed by what the human brain can do. It somehow motivated me to study lol

19 - DL, finished optima pem tht batch 1 2020, made 1 cbd ppt, webinar "holistic skin rejuvenation", free mindset tryout

20 - DL, haven’t got minicex but at least im trying to stay hopeful!1!, read the notes from today’s cbd since i basically only heard the whole thing on my motorbike like a podcast, did nasal irrigation n took a slow release vit c

21 - started the day with some stretches and squats, trying to drink more water!!, listened to kak dela's tips for ukmmpd from mindset, DL, read a bit abt epistaxis, the clear wallet i ordered from china finally arrived, edited 1 buku pld article

22 - was in poli onko this morning w ara, a patients consciousness was decreasing so code blue was activated. Finished poli at 1 am. It's been awhile since I last saw emergency situations. Went to maison weiner, ate almond croissant there and bought chocolate sourdough and chicken pie. Despite not getting minicex, the road home was not hot, the sun hidden away. The wind is breezing, podcast is on, talking about mindfulness. Todays quite a good day. Im healthy, insyaAllah. I hope my family will also stay healthy. Woke up at 11ish pm, DL, made my ppt for lcbe exam ((tomorrow)) til 1 am

23 - DL, lcbe exam with dr arie (turns out he picked epistaxis over sinonasal tumour), met up with racheel devi silvi at mcd and jco. Hojicha oreo mcflurry tasted good. Got lost on the way to racheels house lmaoo. She flies to malang tomorrow. Can i wish for life to stay simple and happy forever?

24 - DL, originally meant to be a minicex session turned out to be story time by dr Ezzy, she told us about cases that she managed, one of them is putting on tracheostomy for a baby with Moebius syndrome that went viral on twitter. We didnt even present our case and she only asked us for the scoring form. Thank you doc our lifesaver :”” after trying so hard for minicex the last 2 days turns out maybe its fated so we can meet and be inspired dr Ezzy. Mom picked me and we went to Maison Weiner before going home. Passed out from 6pm until the morning lmao

25 - a bit of exercise, DL, tried kemonyu.id mentai from duta garden, i’ve had better mentai than it but at least its on promo. it uses butter rice so that’s something new to me. rapat nemo to decide dates

26 - DL, liqo with kak Kartika about things you can do in Dzulhijjah, A2, started reading optima pem dv batch 1 2020

27 - DL, round was cancelled bcs no patient, lazed around and slept and lazed, continued reading pem dv optima, did like a half of 1 pamela reif video and my HR soared in 2 mins lmaoo

28 - DL, finally mustered the will to finish DS etika profesi, finished reading optima pem dv batch 1 2020, 2A, did 1 pamela reif video (titled 10 mins calorie burn that wont kill u), read a bit of my dv notes

29 - DL, ppds at poli were so kind!, ate shabu2 by mom and basically fell asleep

30 - DL, made ppt PKL, alhamdulillah PKL went ok with dr ika

31 - watched annabelle comes home and suicide squad with keisha karin juan, DL, relatives came to our place, ara also came for a sleepover and after i picked her up we went to dajens place lmaoo they set up bbq

[irltrexxx]

rome pt 2

this is my last night in italy!!! i have been remiss in posting since i got to rome. the first night i drank too much wine and ate too much tarelli with cheese and jam and passed out. last night i was like ‘maybe i’ll wait til my last night to post.’ and now i’m at the hostel bar and i don’t have anything else to do so here we go.

i wrote this while i was on the train from fabriano to rome:

currently on the train heading for rome. this is my last long train ride in italy :( i will def miss this train system.

this morning i woke up with a vision of how to optimize my bag packing for maximum convenience in travel today. so i got out of bed at 7 and realized my vision. basically just squeezed one backpack into my new roller bag so i don’t have to walk around rome for an hour with 2 backpacks and 1 roller bag.

i went to bfast super early and had a double espresso, the rest of the conad potatoes, and some cookies. i’m prob gonna skip lunch today so figured i needed the extra energy.

at 8:40 the goodbyes started. first i gave my goodbye drawing/note to sonia. then mila (giacomos mom) came by and thanked me for helping out giacomo. apparently yesterday at home he said “look mama, i can read now!” (he meant in english). i laughed hard at that story. then the mothers superior (maria laura and maria batista) came with a present—a journal made out of fabriano paper. which is great cuz i am almost finished with the journal i brought from home. luccia came and took my email address and we agreed to write to each other in italian so i won’t forget again.

at 9:10 i went to the kitchen to say bye to rosa and paola, and a third time to teresa, and also to erica (the nun who cut by bread for every meal). they all told me we’d see each other again in the future and they again all wished me a beautiful family in the future. thxxxx.

at 9:30 sonia and i walked to the train station. she took my roller bag for me! we kinda ran cuz my train was due at 9:49 but rly that walk is very fast. we got to the station at 9:35. sonia gave me a card she wrote in english saying i have a calming presence and that we should pray for each other.

and now i’m on the train! it’s full so i couldn’t get a window seat but i’m hoping people get off between now and rome. one guy sittin in front of me is passed out with his hairy belly hangin out his shirt. i hope he changes seats or gets off soon.

—

i ended up getting into rome at 1 and waited at the train station until 2 so i could check in without paying to leave my bags. on saturday i pretty much walked in circles around my neighborhood and scopes out a grocery store for dinner stuff and got myself oriented. ended up buying dinner at a conad by the hotel i stayed at when i first arrived in italy back in december. bought a bag of tarelli (olive oil crackers), a ricotta, and fig jam. drank half of a bottle of €1 sardinian red i had bought in fabriano and ate this and fell asleep around 9. did not sleep well at all! not sure if it was the wine’s fault or the firm mattress’s or the noisy neighbors (it was a combo of all 3) but prbly slept 5 hrs.

woke up the next morning at the usual 7am and walked to vatican city. kept an eye peeled for a coffee bar the entire way there but either they were too busy or too empty. i have a billion ways of talking myself out of entering a cafe when i feel uncomfortable of my ordering skills.

i arrived at vatican city at about 9:30 am. it was drizzling but no biggie. i toured the sistine chapel and might have seen the pope?! there were 5 minutes while i was not allowed to exit the gift shop during which i saw an exclusive looking group and smelled incense exiting the church after 10 am mass. but maybe it was just other vatican city famous ppl.

i left vatican city at 11ish in search of castroni, a roman specialty food store. i walked about 2 miles there and had my coffee for the day after figuring out how to order (pay first, then order at bar). had a cappuccino and a free chocolate covered nut. i bought some food souvenirs and headed out to find the pizzarium which my parents told me about.

the pizzarium was maybe at 1.5 mile walk away because you can’t cut through ththe vatican. while i was walking there it started raining but i was like “whatever! it’s not that bad and i have a rain jacket.” i found the pizzarium at 11:55 but they weren’t due to open until 12 so i shopped in a €1 store for 10 minutes (without buying anything). at 12:05 the pizzarium still wasn’t open and it was raining really hard. i started walking in the direction of an irish bar that i saw on my way there. corned beef and guinness sounded rly good to me. unfortunately within 5 minutes of walking i realized i was so soaked there was no way i could go anywhere without going back to the hostel to change first. i didn’t want to catch a cold!

so i walked pretty fast and pretty aggressively back to the hotel. i didn’t even have to look up directions! i was impressed by how good my memory is when i don’t want my phone to get wet (p sure it is waterproof ish now).

i got back to the hotel at 1 and i thought after that shitty walk i really deserved a good sit down restaurant, and rome is famous for cacio e pepe and so i was intent on having that. i quickly changed and google mapped lunch places and found one just .1 miles away from my hostel famous for casseroles and pasta dishes. i walked there post haste and asked if they had space for one for lunch. unfortunately, this being sunday lunch, they were totally booked up. they apologized and i was like “no problem 😢😢😢” and did some quick thinking. i knew the mercato centrale at termini would be open and that there would be a pasta place, so i trudged there. ordered a cacio e pepe from a place for €8 and paid €4 for a white wine at the bar. found a table after a lot of hunting and aggressive staring. and i ate lunch. it was great.

i returned to my room for 2 hours to wait for my pants to dry. i forgot to mention this day was the day i chose to take all of my dirty clothes (aka all of my clothes) to a laundromat for drop off service. very fortunately i had saved 1 pair of pants and 1 pair of socks in my room so i had reprieve from my soaking wet clothes.

at 5 i headed back out to pick up my clothes from the cleaners and buy dinner. i bought a premade salad of feta, chickpeas, and walnuts from mercato centrale and some “korean sweets” from a nearby korean supermarket. then i did some squats and lunges, ate dinner, and took a shower. that day i walked 14 miles.

that was yesterday. last night i slept reasonably well. i woke up again at 7 this morning (habit now) and got ready for my day. today i did a lot:

1. walked to coffee shop and had cappuccino with cornetto di ciocolata

2. went to trevi fountain

3. went to the pantheon

4. went to campo di fiori

5. got my hair cut

6. had an artichoke frittata sandwich

7. bought stuff at campo di fiori

8. went shopping

9. walked back to hostel

10. got pizza at mercato centrale.

now i’m at the hostel bar after my pizza. i came here under the pretense that there was chocolate cake but there is none to be had so i had a glass of red wine. think i’ll have to maybe deal with peanut m&ms instead of cake?

have my alarm set for 5 am tomorrow so i can get up and shower before heading to the airport for my 10am flight. dang. time in italy is up. i will miss it. but also excited to experience some new stuff.