#I was into 3 things 10 years ago
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photos app was like "here's a memory!" and it was pictures I had saved when I was really into Free! and a couple other sports anime a decade ago
#I know there's a baseball anime I was always meaning to watch back then but never got around to it#.... perhaps I shall...#I was into 3 things 10 years ago#Metallica. sports anime. ghost hunting shows#u know. my old inactive account is probably a treasure trove of old Metallica fandom stuff#I should deep dive it again soon#I started that account in late 2010 didn't start using it until early 2011. and used it regularly until I switched#to using this account around 2016
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im in agony. a little self indulgent but I think wyll deserves to be told he's loved and have a small breakdown about it
#bg3#wyll ravengard#tav#wyll x tav#baldur's gate 3#voltaical ocs#bishop#finally downloaded one (1) font bc i had too much dialog for this#i dont even hate ulder taht much i just thing wyll should talk about ANY complicated feelings he has about him.#also the way wyll always seems to be quoting him like pls what are YOUR THOUGHTS not some cryptic thing your father told you 10 years ago#and rlly if you take the way wyll describes the situation as hard truth#ALL the justification Ulder had for banishing his son#are conclusions WYLL has come to on his OWN since ulder only said ‘one word to him’#LIKE his relationship with his father could have been SO interesting but wyll isn’t allowed to have ANY introspection at all#so he just apologizes and wyll continues to try and please him
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Gonna finish Gideon one soon, but for now you can have this Harrow
#the locked tomb#harrowhark nonagesimus#harrow the ninth#harrow the 9th#gideon the ninth#things ive made#idk man the 1page1day not going great and it’s only been 1 week#one week where I only worked 3 days mind you#(local holidays)#maybe I really wasn’t made for creating art jdhsjdjcbcj I see so many cool people online#where they’ve been better than me 10 years ago so where does that math leave me hm#for a person who’s really into bones herself (preceding my love for harrow ironically) I REALLY don’t know them#I mean you can always say that’s A Stylistic Choice but I’m also so lazy#like… just trace them girl
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phos sketches waaaa
#my art#sketches#land of the lustrous#houseki no kuni#hnk phos#good show good show very good show. manga crumpled my heart like wet paper#anyways top 10 things I wanted to watch like 5 years ago but never got around to til last week#anyways mostly just wanted to play with the colors/shading here. shiny textures are so fun and I <3 sparkles
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compiled whatever this is (and I run out of tag space)
meh HoT gifs (3/?)
#alek gifs#ninjago#ninjago krux#ninjago acronix#hands of time#time twins#alternate title to this series is : stuff i noticed after watching this season 10 whole times#okay actually thats a lie. i realized this the 3rd time around#i think of acronix and how he barely makes any decisions for himself and i go crazy#ppl equate that with him feeling forced to do stuff.. uh hes always been a follower guys!!#cue him calling wu “master wu” even after the twins betrayal. him liking machia bc shes “mean” and bossy#he has no issue with following orders lol. prepare for a long acronix rant one day#contexts -> gif 1 barely counts i just wanted to include him looking at krux. he does this a lot during that fight#gif 2 is before they kill blunck and raggmunk (idk how to spell their names still ... sorry)#gif 3 is before they were going to kill wu in the golden hour legacy short. which is canon !!#gif 4 is before they sent themselves into the temporal vortex#that one post that was like “are we still doing revenge? yeah? cool” bc thats basically acronix#there is something fundamentally wrong with these two's brains but idk how to describe it#krux who literally lost his mind after losing his brother to the point he adopted an entire identity#“he just needed to go undercover!!” counter point as soon as acronix came back he was unable to pretend to be saunders. he acted super weird#like when kai was in the museum he couldnt pretend to be this person he wasnt. acronix was back !!! so was he. krux was 100% going to kill#the smith sibs if maya and ray didnt comply. also.. canonly they knew him when they worked as teachers back in s3. he watched them grow up#and pretended all was well meanwhile their parents were being forced to work and slave away to build the iron doom. he is not normal#then you have acronix who thrives off of violence and is described as throwing himself into battle like a blunt object. has no regard#for himself as a person and just takes (almost) everything his brother says as gospel. s7 couldve done smthn really cool with how#the only thing the twins ever really disagreed on was technology. also ive went on a semirant about how krux's hatred for tech was misplaced#hatred for losing acronix. wanted to travel to the pre modern era? okay well whyd he pick 40 years ago specifically. also NOTE that they#went back after their past selves had lost. they wouldve faired better if they went and helped their past selves. also the reversal blade#had already fallen so when the twins went back in time there was two kruxes. he literally went back to when he had been all alone for the#for the first time. he went back to when his life was ruined and his brother was gone!! but he had nix with him this time . ughdhf
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Recent-ish things ~
#photo diary#1 - love this image of Noodle.. such a weird angle that makes his head look entirely round like a puff ball or something#2 - a more recent (still from months ago) collection of my pressed flowers and 4 leaf clovers I found.#3. Being one of the only people in 2024 still going 'hee heee I've just bought a new wii game!' but.. I have. >:3#It's kind of like Wii Sports Resort but is like.. open world? so your character can actually walk around and stuff. REALLY makes me#wish I had the type of set up where I could record video from my wii and stuff like some gaming youtubers have. I think it'd be a really#fun game to play on video and to DOCUMENT it!!! I keep wishing I could screenshot my little guy walking around but I caaant..#I've literally just been taking out my phyiscal camera and photographing the screen which always looks bad.. augh..#4. Something in the froxen food aisle called 'Wellington Bites' a play on beef wellington. suprisingly good actually. but I guess anything#with like beef and mushrooms usually is. But it seems like.. oddly decent for frozen food stuff.#5 - boye looking Round again.. 6 - updated score in the wii fit minigame again. This time less than 4 seconds#for each round? which may be a record for me? 7 & 8 - fat bird in the snow. fatt bird in the SNOW!! Hoping that climate change and H5N1#don't eventually remove all trace of birds and winter weather from my life in the future... -_-#9 - ..ough... a few paltry writings.. Except for the one day of 4000 words. But for the most part I have been making soo litte progress#because of the holidays and drs appointments and such a rush of all these other mind distracting things.. Or if I'm not doing something the#I'm feeling tired from having PREVIOUSLY done something so I waste the whole day being sleepy and headachey... GRR...#the funny thing is that like many many years ago I wrote a note on my wall saying 'FOCUS! write 2hr a day or more or youre going to finish#your game in 2025!!!' - which back in 2018 when I wrote it was like unimaginably far into the future but now... ahem.. hem... I guess that#is quite literally the case LOL. To my credit I did parctically abandon it entirely since late 2019 and JUST now picked up really#trying to focus on it in mid 2024 but still... My '''ridiculous'' projection being actually likely the correct one..#10 - I just thoughtit would be silly to put a bunch of keychain things on the wii remote. imagine playing this way. getting constantly#jabbed in the hand by plastic bits. and the jingling clinking noise it would be always making lol#11 - sky.. huzzah for the sky as always. Clouds my beloved#Gr.. I just really want to wriiite. My new years hopes are to finish my game and to get stuff set up to start selling sculptures again.#AND then maybe do more game videos lol... I miss playing games. I dont think I've posted on that youtube for like 5 months#I've just had so much appointments and Things and Stuff and focusing so much on other projects. But that is the thing that really#feels relaxing and fun for me. so like.. 1. finish game 2. sell sculpture/make sculpture 3. play games 4. find more friends#and social connection and networking or whatever the hell people have to do to be successful 5. do more costume/outfits.#<( saying this all on a day where I did none of those things LOL... I got erm.. maybe 400 words done today.. >:'3c )#6 is MOVE away from the evil west coast (hot.. fires in summer. etc) but like. not happening unless I suddenly become a millionaire so. -_-
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I'm going insane...... I need good mexican food that doesn't taste like canned sauce from the grocery store....... I grew up in an area with really good mexican food and now I live hours away....... I need food with actual flavor and homemade sauce...... Please.......... I am going to die if I have one more bland enchilada.......
#i'm back on the meds that increase my appetite and i need a giant burrito from the place 3 hours away i used to go to 10 years ago#PLEASE#i would commit unfathomable things for a burrito with flavor right now
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I knew about the post concert depression but no one told me about the post concert constant feeling of AAAAAAAAAHHH that lasts days and makes everything much more bearable and beautiful and some sort of ethereal type of hope is restored into the world, or maybe it's just the "seeing your favourite band after first thinking that it would never happen and later spending many months waiting for it all the while fearing that it wouldn't happen after all because of circumstances outside my control or feeling like it was too beautiful and wonderful to be true so ofc it wouldn't come true" part of it all
#guys i love they might be giants. did you know about this#me days before the show: crying because i will see they might be giants#me days after the show: crying because i saw they might be giants#truth is that i didn't actually full on cry until yesterday evening though so once i was back home so it was all officially over#and it was time to just slow down and realize that oh well wow. so all that just happened. like for realsies#i also finally looked through my videos and my recording of the whole show (yes as an archivist freak who records audio from most concerts#i obviously had to record this one also. now i can listen to it again and again and be remided that i didn't dream it all up after all)#but yeah all this and now i'm supposed to move on and go back to my stupid daily life#like i didn't just have one of those real actual life experiences and moments of pure fun that other people generally get from time to time#and that i haven't had since idk even when a year and a half ago#thats the last time i consider truly amazing on a level somewhat comparable to this. but back to the show and the whole thing.#like this wouldn't have been quite as perfect if i didn't share that time with fellow fans / friends that i ended up attending the show wit#you don't realize how badly you've been wanting to be included in things and for people to be genuinely fond of you and like your company#until you get included and shown that fondness. like wow i'm allowed to have fun too after all. can it happen again someday please. anyway#i'm just glad that in midst of my big bad awful times i could have this truly amazing 10/10 time#and i guess it doesn't have to be the last such time right. even if it's easy to give into the feeling that it is#but ok anyway i'll get to that proper show recap later when i can think clearly again#and maybe more on that more personal side of it all too because well i have many more thoughts obviously#but whether i get to that in 3 days or 3 months is a mystery for now. just kind of a lot to think about once again#and my stupid baka life continues on also whether i like it or not so that has to be taken into consideration as well#time to think again about school that i'm so totally fully failing now with my two weeks long absence yayyy. its fine i'll figure it all out#goosepost
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So bnha manga is over. BNHA was huge part of me over the years. So many read fanfics, so many AUs created. It greatly influenced my artstyle as Izuku was my comfort character to draw for so long. But interests pass and so was my obsession with bnha. Still, my bnha x blue beetle crossover was the most completed AU i ever had. Too bad i have never gotten around doing anything more for it. But i started making my first animatic. never finished it, as you can see (partly bc of my poor time and effort management. also i had no idea what i was doing and learning all the programs on the go).
I dont want to loose it tho, so im sharing what i made then as a 21 sec homage to bnha. thanks!
#i made it 3 years ago#at the end of my bnha era#kinda nostalgic bc of the manga finishing#i made it by copy pasting drawings form sai to thaoma2d and then to shotcut caveman style lol#animatic#bnha#bnha animatic#ater art#mha#mha animatic#mha animation#animation#i remember spending like 8h on that class shot what i was even thinking#people are mad at the ending of the manga but only thing i can think of are the fics. man i read so many fics#i reread canary recently#and im constantly thinking about yeaterday upon a stair. that scene with iida and his brother in the class...you know the one if you read i#oh i remember how it broke me the first time i read it. i cry every time i reread it. top shit 10/10 would recommend#i kinda wanna reread some of the fics. peak shit#i vaguely remember reading the cardcaptor au??? i think??? man i have to find it again. smth about maiden? minute maid?#no way i remember its name after all this years#ok i found it: I Can't Be a Magical Girl!! You a Magical Girl Say#whelp now i know what im reading this week lol
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Being the oldest cousin sucks so bad I never have anyone to talk when there's family things
#today was my grandpa's 80th birthday#and i left like an hour ago i think? bc i was sleepy and bored#its impossible to be at these things bc i really have no one to talk to besides my own siblings#bc all my cousins are like 10 years younger than me 😅#me and my sister are the oldest actually and we have a 3 year difference between each other so you can see how i do#after my sister my cousins started being born little by little#but most of them were born after my little brother#i was around 10 years when baby fever hit the family apparently and i was having cousins left and right#anyway thats how it was today#now im trying to finish this stupid guide on turbines for my exam#its currently 2:35am...#i shall go to sleep soon
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actually the better question to ask wrt choices mattering is since when did your choices from past games actually mattered in a dragon age sequel
#elaine talks#dragon age#veilguard spoilers#like at least they're being honest about it#again love that nothing that i did in da:o and da2 affected the way the mage templar war as resolved#but sure connor got a cameo and theres a statue of the hof in redcliffe and thats enough choices mattering#some worldstates couldve had a dalish homeland in ferelden and that doesnt change solas's motivations for bringing down the veil#ive been saying id rather see less rando cameos that feel more like its ticking a checkbox that the player did this thing 10 years ago#if it means these 3 would have greater effect in the story of the GAME
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I am such a keeper of things... It's organised, but oh I love to keep things
#j. talks#I have one box with actual physical things which is wild you don't even wanna know and then cards and letters and then tickets and flyers#and such and they are all full now. I need 3 new ones. yay#they are my memory boxes and I can't get rid of the train ticket from 10 years ago because even though we don't talk anymore#that ticket holds a memory and I can't let go. sorry
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sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)
but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!
so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"
....
my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!
SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!
#mind you this was over 10 years ago now. it *could* have gotten better but id be extremely shocked if it has#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#school#school problems#yes i know theres rules or maybe even laws for this and its why they are like this but its bad and should change#if they offered smaller classes with less sensory overloading bullshit and other things i needed it would be great!#but they refuse to accommodate your actual needs and make up useless accommodations to legally say they help disabilities#ND people (not just audhd) and other disabled people that graduate with no useful accommodations are so strong and cool. proud of you!#ones who had to drop you youre also cool for not dealing with their bullshit snd allowing yourself to not suffer for a sheet of paper!#(though i know it can feel bad when everyone around you makes you feel bad for needed to drop out or failing out and not going back)#i completely stopped going to my psychology class because i started a week late due to scheduling issues and#suddenly we are told theres a paper due in 3 days and need to hse the textbook i didnt have yet as the source for it all#and it was in the syllabus i didnt get because i was a week late and didnt know we got one. the professor didnt notice me out of#the 100 other students in that large lecture hall. that room was also a sensory nightmare hellscape#too many students made things noisy and distracting. multiple fluorescent lights were flickering constantly and never fixed#the professor used a mic to speak to us and it had a constant horrible loud buzzing. it did that loud mic screech noise randomly#without warning. all the time. the quality of the sound was horrible so it was hard to understand her. on top of that she had a very thick#accent i wasnt familiar with so that on top of the horrible buzzing mkc quality that also cut her out constantly was auditory processing#disorder HELL. I dont know how ANYONE survived thst class but i seemed to be the only one struggling. everyone else turned in their papers#and i gave up and stopped going. was too late to drop the class to get my money back so i wasted probably a few thousand dollars#and THATS what i mean by give me reasonable and useful accommodation. test time would NOT make that class better at all#fix the mic and light issues at least or give me a smaller class with more attentive professor or something!#offer smaller classes for struggling disabled people! if the issue is not knowing who needs them then offer a switch to those struggling!#i got called onto a dean/counselor meeting because a professor noticed my horrible grades and stuff so its possible to catch us and help!#THESE SCHOOLS JUST NEED TO START BEING WILLING TO. dont make us do all the work to accommodate ourselves and expect to do well in school!
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Didn't know how much I wanted that job until I got the rejection email 🥲
#i mean. i knew i wanted it#because it's my dream job#i had an internship there a few years ago and loved it#i wasn't sure i was ready to move back closer to home because i really love my job and friends and community where i am#but i do miss my family and i don't want to miss my sister's entire adolescence#i went off to college when she was 3#she is now 10#and she needs her sister 🥺#so yeah i'm actually surprised i'm fighting tears at this#i also miss autumn. boy do i miss living somewhere with seasons#could be because a friend recently passed away and like me his family lived far far away#and that puts things in perspective#anyway i'm gonna leave work early and console myself by buying a fall scented candle at target#🥲#i have to remind myself i've only been in the job market for like a year and a half#of course i wasn't the most qualified candidate out of 175#but i had at least hoped to be referred to a hiring manager#federal jobs are dang near impossible to attain in my field of work#tag rant
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i think the day i stopped following these cardinal (digital) art rules from deviantart or whatever is when my art got infinitely better. like things like Dont shade with black/always shade with purple, Dont use airbrush, Never EVER trace anything etc arent inherently wrong as they are based on actual techniques that work. its just that when theyre simplified to this degree and applied regardless of art style/end goal theyre absolutely useless.... theyre made with this very specific lineart-flatcolors-celshade comic/anime style in mind and aimed at like 12 year olds drawing like warrior cats or whatever. and even then its still better to (try to) learn how light/shadow etc actually works
#i know this isnt a big brain take at all especially not when you actually know how to draw right#but every so often i do like to watch a tik tok art tips video and i STILL see the same '''tips'''' from like 10 years ago#i also do like to complain.#another thing this leads that i find even more annoying is people going like omg am i the only one who doesnt do lineart?🤣🤣#am i the only who shades with airbrush???? like no#just stop trying to learn fundamental art skills from random 3 sentence tutorials that give 0 explanation and context for anything...#<- message to my 12 year old past self
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on the topic of deliriously specific visions of deltarune chapter 3. This is one that is really inconsequential and I guess is more in the territory of like. those elaborate chapter 3 fanfictions where they just make up every character. But I don't think I've ever seen anyone else ever try the thing that I think would be cool, which is that a secret boss for chapter 3 could have a greyscale color scheme because that would not be out of place in the TV-themed chapter (especially for a secret boss, i'd say), but would also have visual overlap with the goner npcs from undertale...I just sort of feel like someone else would have thought of that but I've never seen anyone that has. I think it would be clever.
#granted i do not seek out elaborate chapter 3 fanfictions i just very occasionally like the music so i see their beasts sometimes.#(when its not like sonic forces midi flips) (<- Nobody on earth remembers the sonic forces midi flip except me)#mypost#dt#...honestly the only thing that prevents the way i talk about chapter 3 fan characters from being immensely hypocritical#is that i never figured out how to draw the extremely specific ''prediction'' i have#which i like to think is well thought out but definitely has a major plot hole in it.#i just think the idea of the secret boss having a similar role to alphys in hotland (aside from having a boss fight) would be cool.#it makes more sense than paralleling muffet who wasn't that important (even though i do think they should have the purple soul mode)#and it would be similar to how spamton neo was like the mettaton neo fight that never was.#My prediction is they make alphys neo real. (The fanmade alphys bossfight from 8 years ago was called this)#Except with like 10 other things going on that really dilutes the alphys situation . This is the only idea I have that matters.#Which is why it is banished to the very long tags of this post and not in its acutal contents. Whatever#ive posted about it before like 2 years ago. WHatever.
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