#I was going to finish this and then several weeks passed lmao
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heavendraven · 11 months ago
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so I finally got around to reading bram stoker's dracula (1897)
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rox-of-iu · 2 years ago
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i was gonna make a post yesterday like uhh 'dawn of the final day' and all that but i was doing some last minute crunch which i put off and forgot to do so cuz of that,,
but none of that matters anymore because i DID THE DEED WOOO I PASSED IM DONE IM FINISHED MATURITA DONE GG GAMERS YIPPEEE 🍾🍾🍾🥂🥳
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thankskenpenders · 1 year ago
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Happy new year, everyone! Welcome to 2024, the year that will mark the 10th anniversary of Thanks Ken Penders. I'd like to go over my plans for the blog for this year.
First of all: in the very near future, I'll have a post with my thoughts on Sonic Dream Team, and I'm sure I'll write one last Sonic Prime review once the final episodes drop on the 11th. I've also been sitting on an unfinished piece about the Sonic LEGO sets. I wanted this to be longer and more detailed piece that not only reviewed the sets but also went into the weird disconnect between homogenized image of Sonic the Brand and the actual fiction it's based off of, but it'll probably end up getting cut down a lot just so I can put something out. Let's just say I did a fun little thing with one of the sets.
Second: yes, I would like to return to regular TKP updates this year. As I've said many times, I wanted to do this in 2023, but I've been suffering from creative burnout after finishing SLARPG and have generally been unable to focus on any of my creative goals this past year. I'm hoping that this year will be better and I'll be able to get back into the swing of covering Archie Sonic issues. Even doing one issue every week or so would be vastly preferable to continuing the hiatus. I'm still only halfway done!! But aside from burnout, my other main hurdle is that I need to reread my own archive to refresh myself on all these things after nearly three years away. This will take some time.
The thing is, though, this year I'll have an extra incentive to go back through my previous writing and brush up on all things Archie Sonic. Because you see...
I've decided that I want to make a video essay about Penders. The comics, the copyright battle, The Lara-Su Chronicles, everything.
The why
I've thought about doing this before, but I never committed to the idea. I was too busy with gamedev, or I thought it'd end up being too long, or I figured that there were already enough videos on the subject, or I just lacked confidence in my ability to put together a video essay. So I told myself it wasn't meant to be, and let the multiple YouTubers who have cited me as a source on their own Penders videos fill that void.
Recently, though, a few things have happened that have convinced me it might be time. For one, YouTube video essays/media retrospectives/etc. are just getting longer and longer. When Quinton Reviews is out here doing 21 hours of videos on Sam & Cat, a subpar Nick sitcom that only lasted one season, I don't feel so crazy for wanting to make a video about several hundred comic books and two lawsuits that'd be at least an hour or two long lmao. Admittedly, I've also been self-conscious about doing a long video essay like this as a trans woman who has yet to do any vocal training. But these days I feel like I see a lot more transfem YouTubers who have done little to no vocal training, and that's given me more confidence on that front.
But the big one was Hbomberguy's recent plagiarism video. As I sat there watching it, I kept thinking about the time I found a CBR article that was just a crude 800 word summary of my two previous articles on Penders, published by a CBR writer who's put out over 4000 articles since 2019. If I've already been plagiarized before, and my writing is so frequently passed around as a go-to source on Archie Sonic drama, then I wouldn't be shocked if there were YouTubers out there straight up just plagiarizing me. I don't watch other peoples' videos on Archie Sonic, so I'd never know! So if people are just gonna paraphrase me when covering these topics anyway, why not take matters into my own hands and make what I would consider to be the definitive video on the subject? If hacks like James Somerton and iilluminaughtii can churn out these shitty video essays and people will still watch them, surely it can't be that impossible to make my own, right? (And also, uh, Hbomb literally told me I should make the video lol. If you're reading this, thanks for the encouragement.)
The what, how, and when
So here's the plan.
Part of this video essay will be an adaptation of my Medium article on the recurring themes of Ken's Archie Sonic run, with its content touched up and expanded upon. There were a few things I skimmed over in the article because I didn't want it to get too long, but again, people are out here watching ten hour videos about bad Nickelodeon sitcoms now. I can get away with elaborating a little more. I can add a few paragraphs talking about the Chaos Knuckles arc, or throw in a little more historical context I've discovered in the years since.
After covering the comics, the back half(-ish?) of the video will be dedicated to the copyright battles and their ensuing controversies, trying to give an accurate picture of what actually went down, the sheer scale of how bad Archie fucked up, and what our takeaways should be. This will have some similarities to my New York Magazine article on the subject, but I'll be rewriting it from scratch. I REALLY had to keep things short for that article because I was already way over the expected word count, and my tone was a little more straight-laced than normal because I was trying to keep things Professional. I can riff more and insert more of my own opinions this time, like I normally would.
I'll inevitably have to touch on some of Ken's Bad Tweets when discussing things that have happened after the lawsuits, but I don't want the video to just devolve into a list of times people got mad at him on Twitter, so I'm gonna try to keep that to a minimum in favor of focusing on his actual work. Things like the Scourge the Speed Demon incident and his continued statements on certain characters' copyright statuses probably warrant mentioning, though. And finally, assuming that the book really does come out this summer, I would like the grand finale of the video to be about those first couple chapters of The Lara-Su Chronicles.
I don't currently know when this video will get done, but it'll probably be in the back half of the year, especially with me waiting for the book to either drop or get delayed yet again. But I've actually already started writing a bit of the script, and will keep chipping away at it for a while.
So, uh, yeah, look forward to that? Wish me luck?
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angel-eyes05 · 2 years ago
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to leave the warmest bed i've ever known (part 2)
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PREVIOUS CHAPTER
pairing: spider-woman!reader x miguel o’hara 
summary: life on the run is not for the weak. you're reminded of this once you run into someone you haven't seen in a while
warnings: a lot of angst (there'll be fluff and smut soon i swear i just feel like writing angst right now lmao), HUGE ATSV SPOILERS DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS MOVIE, mentions and descriptions of blood and injuries, this is so against canon its insane
word count: 2.2k
notes: ok so i changed my mind, miguel and the reader arent gonna make up just yet🤭. trust me when they do it'll be worth it lmao. im gonna need everyone to suspend their belief for the next chapters cause im kind of just making up the plot to beyond the spider-verse at this point for this silly little fic so just go with it
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God, this was very quickly turning out to be a very bad decision. The movies made being on the run seem a lot easier than this. What they had failed to include was how easily it was to get ambushed by Spider-Society members while hopping between the dimensions looking for Miles. Your little group basically had to hop through a bunch of different dimensions within a week and look for him there, then leave before HQ managed to track you guys down. You’re not sure how much time has passed since you left. Maybe a few weeks. Maybe a few months. The passage of time was pretty weird when you were constantly hopping through the fabric of space and time. All you knew is that your eyes had naturally dulled out the neon orange light that shined from the portals you were constantly jumping through. Luckily, none of your team had been caught yet. There had been a few close calls, but only two of those led to severe injuries, one of them being Gwen, and the other time being you.
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You and your team had been ambushed due to a malfunction with the portal opening. Each of you were put with your own variant to fight. Just to your luck, you were confronted by Jess. She looked awful to be honest. Stressed. She was probably put on finding you and your team while Miguel endlessly searched for Miles. This little wild goose chase had tired her out. Part of you felt bad. But that was very quickly overcome by the feeling of betrayal growing in your chest. You had a feeling she felt a similar way. “Please don’t make me do this. Just let me take you home,” she said weakly. Home. That’s right. That's basically what HQ had been to you before. You hadn’t been back to your Earth in five years, ever since Miguel caught you on the top of that building. Jessica was your first friend there. She had shown you the ropes to everything, been there for you during your lowest moments, and guided you to your highest ones. And now you had to repay her by sending her back to Miguel in a bloody pulp. You hated that this is how things had to go. But such was life for someone like you. “I have no home anymore,” you said at her monotonically before charging at her with your fists first. She’s quick to react, using one of her webs to swing away. It’s clear she doesn’t want to hurt you, each of her movements swift to defend herself, but never going on the offensive side. She could easily take you down if she wanted to. She had been doing this longer than you had and was more skilled than you too. She was going easy on you, desperately trying to show you she didn’t want to fight. But you didn’t care. You had put too much on the line to start to give up now.
The others had taken down their foes long before you had finished with Jess. You could see Gwen running up to you out of the corner of your eye, Ben tied up in a web behind her. You webbed her to the floor before she could get closer to the struggle you and Jess were currently in. You gave Gwen a quick, reassuring nod that she returned before running off to find the others. Once Gwen was out of sight, you quickly attached a web to Jess’ face, and pulled it down into your knee, knocking her glasses off her face and shattering on the floor. With her off her balance, you took the opportunity to try to knock her out. You slammed your fists into her face, one after the other, releasing all of the stress that had accumulated in your body over the past couple of months into her cheeks. You couldn’t see the damage you were doing, blinded by rage and betrayal and your fists blocking out her face. The only thing you could see was the blood splattering off of her face onto yours. You felt a voice in the back of your head begging you to stop. You desperately wanted to, but you had lost control of your body. Jess wasn’t the real person you wanted to hurt here, you already knew who that was. But she was the closest thing you could get to him right now. And if you were being honest with yourself, she wasn’t completely innocent to you either.
In her last desperate attempt to save herself, Jess shoved her forearm in the way of your balled up knuckles, grabbed a piece of shattered glass from her broken frames, and shoved it deep into your chest. Your reign of fury on her face suddenly stopped as pain quickly snapped through your body. You quickly fell to your knees, partially out of shock, and looked down to see the blood spilling out of your chest. As Jess dropped to her knees as well, you could finally get a gauge of the damage you’ve done. You couldn’t tell if the blood loss was making you see things, but her nose looked almost crooked, a dark cut slicing through the middle of it and blood pouring out of both nostrils. Both of her eyes were swollen, not entirely shut but on their way there. You looked down at your hands, the skin on your knuckles broken off and bleeding through the fabric of your suit, blending in with its natural red. They were trembling with a mixture of faded anger and new guilt. I never wanted to hurt her, you kept repeating to yourself in your head, as if it was going to make any difference. Maybe if you thought it hard enough, it would erase your actions. You suddenly flinched when you felt Jessica’s hand cupping your face. You looked up at her, mouth agape. Her soft thumb brushed your face as she stared lovingly at your face. So she did know. That made you feel a little less stupid when you broke down in front of her then and there. You just felt awful. Jess was your friend. Your best friend probably. And look at what you’ve done to her. You couldn’t understand how she managed to still be so soft with you, despite how much you’ve just mutilated her face. 
It was ever harder for you to understand how quickly she enveloped you as soon as she saw the tears begin to streak her face. You didn’t deserve this. You should run away. You need to run away. You’re currently bleeding out, and you’re just sitting here, sobbing into the crook of her neck. She’s probably just stalling for time and holding you here until help comes for her. But the longer you sat here the longer you realized…this was just her. It was only Jess here. No help was coming. Jess just wanted to hold you again one last time before letting you run away again. Once you pulled away from her, she wiped away your tears. “Don’t let me catch you,” she whispered into your ear. It was a reminder to you that while she was still holding onto her beliefs, that didn’t mean she ever stopped caring for you. She helped to push you up off of the ground, her hands now covered in your blood. You began to walk away out of  the dark alley to look for the others. Before leaving entirely, you turned around to look at Jess, still laying there. “I’ll find you once this is all over. So don’t you dare die on me, okay?” you shouted at her. She gave a simple nod in return, watching as you stumbled out of alley way. While you made the ultimate decision to let her live that day, you still had anger boiling up in your body. Somebody had to pay for all of this. All of this chaos that was about to unleash itself onto the multiverse. And you know exactly who did. And you didn’t intend to show him the same mercy you showed Jess. No. This was a job you intended to finish. 
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Thankfully, your chest laceration healed up quicker than expected, allowing you and your teammates to get back on track. Images of your encounter with Jess replayed through your mind for the next couple of weeks. The only other person you told about the details of your brutalization of Jess was Peter B., knowing he would understand with all the hard decisions he’s had to make himself. Gwen and Hobie had also noticed that you were acting a little bit off, but you avoided the subject every time they would bring it up. 
Suddenly though, it was happening. The moment you and your team had anticipated for the past couple of weeks. You were awoken by the bright glow of three orange portals opening up, three Spider-Men in each. Your team sprang awake and began to make a run for it. It was no use though, as one by one, each member of your team was separated by a different group of variants, until it was just you, Gwen, and Peter running. While you were running, you felt a hand yank at the hair on the back of your head. You quickly turned around and found Ben Reilly as the culprit. You didn’t hesitate to jump into the air and kick his face, pushing him off of you and onto the floor. As the three of you kept running, your attention was suddenly caught by something else. “Keep your hands off her! That one’s mine!” you heard the familiar voice call out to Ben. A chill went down your spine, as the three of you stopped dead in your tracks. You did it. You finally managed to lure the bat out of his cave. Before you could turn around and find the face that belonged to that deep, alluring voice, you were caught off guard as you felt a body dive into your stomach at full speed, knocking all of the air out of you lungs. The pure force of the dive pushed you and the figure into the brick wall of an abandoned building, crashing into the structure. 
Vision and hearing fuzzy from the impact, you heard Gwen scream out your name and begin to start running to you, before her and Peter B. get swept up by their own variants to take care of. Your head throbs in pain as you look around the building, feeling a huge weight on your chest. You look down at the rest of your body to find what’s weighing you down so much. And it’s him. Miguel’s massive body laying on top of you, his head dug into your stomach and arms wrapped around your waist from the dive. You were partially in shock. First of all, from the fact that your first interaction with him in months is him attempting to kill you (although it’d be a lie to say you weren’t thinking similar things). Second, you were still reeling from the blow. And third, the most shocking of all, was that this was arousing you in some way. Despite how much anger you were feeling towards him right now, you still managed to get butterflies in your stomach from how much of him was on top of you right now. He basically enveloped all of the lower half of your body. 
Shame and anger filled your body fast as you tried to push him off of you, any attempts in vain though due to how massive he was. He helped you though when he began to stand up, allowing you to get yourself up and dive through his legs as an escape. Just as you made your attempt to run out of the hole in the wall, away from a fight you know you couldn’t win, Miguel’s giant hand wrapped around your forearm. He pulled your body back to face him and slammed his massive fist into your face. Blood spurted out of your nose purely from the impact and you were nearly knocked onto the floor. You grabbed your nose in reaction and looked up at him towering over you, unable to make out his expression from his mask. “You must’ve been thinking about this encounter for a while. Have you been thinking about me, Miggy?” you quipped at him. Usually you spoke playfully with him whenever you were in a good mood with him, but this time it was your one desperate attempt to push down any feelings that would get in the way of you doing what needed to be done. “Don’t feel so flattered cariño. Whatever happens here isn’t personal,” he said in that deep, flirty tone you always found so sexy. But right now all it did was piss you off even more. “Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better,” you said, dropping the slight smirk you had on your face. Taking action right away, you charged right at him, ready to do it right this time. You just wished he had his mask off so you could look him dead straight in his crimson eyes as you killed him.
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NEXT CHAPTER
a/n: i had night shift by lucy dacus on loop while writing the fight with jessica....thats all ill say on the matter. also sorry miguel's barely in this chapter i need to set up plot and shit. ALSO I JUST WANNA PREFACE, MY FIC TAKES PLACE A COUPLE OF MONTHS AFTER ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE SO JESS HAD ALREADY GIVEN BIRTH. I SWEAR Y/N DID NOT JUST BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF A PREGNANT LADY💀💀💀
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icaruspendragon · 1 month ago
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Would love to see your take on heartstopper ( maybe tao and nick bonding? Bonus points if mama nelson is on board)
and when i tell you i’ve got 17k words worth of nick-centric charlie pov that i’ve been writing for like ten months living in my docs LMAO
pls enjoy this snippet in hopes that validation will be enough to get me going on it again hshs
“Charlie is shivering in his seat, January air clinging to him long after he finished the walk to his children’s literature lecture. His hands are wrapped around a paper cup, clutching it in a desperate attempt to leech some of the tea's warmth into his nearly numb fingers, gaze focused on the laptop in front of him. Charlie generally keeps his head down at the start of term, preferring to be seen and not heard for the first couple of weeks to get a feel for things. That way he knows how to conduct himself. Still, almost instinctively, he looks up upon hearing a new set of footsteps cross the threshold, wondering idly if it’s anyone he knows from last term.
Charlie most definitely does not know the stranger hesitating just past the doorway. He’s rosy-cheeked and strawberry-blonde and boyish. And he’s just standing there as he scans the room in search of a seat like it’s the most casual thing in the world, like he isn’t making Charlie feel like the human equivalent of an error 404 message.
He may not know the other boy, but Christ does he want to. He’s pulled from the beginnings of a daydream featuring a rosy-boy when the gaze of the boy in question lands on Charlie. His lips quirk upwards and lopsided and soft when their eyes meet. And it’s a moment that feels significant for some reason, like it’s stretching out before them like honey falling from a spoon. Slow and sweet and promising warmth. It stretches further when the unnamed boy walks toward the empty seat beside him and his cheeks get impossibly rosier with each step.
Charlie’s brain offers two incredibly unhelpful thoughts as his seatmate gets settled: He’s so pretty and oh no.
Gay panic makes itself right at home while he tries (and rather spectacularly fails) not to stare too hard at the boy next to him. He turns slightly and now they’re face to face. Charlie learns his eyes are brown. They’re brown like honey, warm and sweet. And he has freckles. So many freckles. So many constellation clusters dusted across rosy, rosy cheeks.
Charlie realizes that silently staring at the boy next to him is weird, “Hi.”
The rosy-boy smiles, looking at Charlie with his honey-warm eyes for several seconds before offering a quiet greeting of his own.
“Hi.”
He knows something else is supposed to happen now, something he needs to do. He just can’t remember what it is.
“I’m Nick.”
Even his voice is pretty. Another distracted moment passes with Nick looking at him all honey-eyed and rosy-cheeked. Then another before oh shit, I’m supposed to also introduce myself.
“Charlie.”
A handful of distracted moments pass where they look at each other for what’s probably a beat, then two, then three too long. Nick exhales through his nose, it’s a gentle approximation of a laugh, but then their professor is standing up from the desk and walking to the lectern and Nick turns his head to the front of the room. Charlie does the same, managing all of ten seconds before giving into temptation and casting a sidelong glance at Nick.
His smile is still soft.
His cheeks are still rosy.
And he’s looking at Charlie, too.”
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screamingcrows · 6 months ago
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Gift of Companionship - Albedo x f!reader
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Crossposting this from my ao3 to provide context for a request I'm writing. This was originally written as a gift for my beloved mutual @missrhinedottir💙 Tags: fem!reader, mutual pining, first date, pure fluff, friends to implied lovers (the lover part will be obvious in the continuation lmao), hand holding - scandalous I know Summary: "It's a gift, I insist," his voice was filled with such certainty, the words making your heart ache, longing to just accept. Albedo had made a habit of visiting you while you work, the peace and attentiveness he brought with him quickly becoming a necessity for you. Minors, ageless, and blank blogs DNI, blocked on sight. Feed it to AI and get Chlamydia trachomatis
Counting the Chief Alchemist as a friend was a rare honor among the people of Mondstadt, ever polite albeit a little distant in his mannerisms. You'd always found it endearing how he'd dedicate countless hours to painting and drawing, tucked away in the nooks of the city as he immortalized the ordinary. It was how you'd first met, having noticed him hanging around your little shop you'd approached him one day.
He'd been startled at first, dropping several pencils as he'd struggled to gather his papers back into his sketchbook. The small giggle that escaped you had made him sigh, probably realizing he'd made a fool out of himself. The recovery had been swift, him showing his drawings and explaining his fascination with observing and drawing people going about their daily lives. 'Being human', as he'd put it. 
The topic of all those pages filled with sketches of you had never passed your lips, the notion oddly endearing even if a little strange.
After that he'd been more open in his interest, pursuing conversation with you whenever he caught you on a break. Seemingly more than content to sit in your little workshop and keep you company as you worked. The work you did wasn't prestigious compared to his, at least by your own standards, yet he never failed to compliment whenever you finished a piece of jewelry or another delicate decoration. 
Many weeks passed as you settled into comfortable routine, his company bringing a steadiness you had never noticed you'd been missing. It became apparent in his absence, the days he spent in Dragonspine like a cold rag on your heart. Rumors circulated the city, the Chief Alchemist was spending more time away from the mountain, yet it was still too much for you. The silence of your existence oppressive without the scratching of his pen to accompany you.
He brought a new invention one day, offhandedly placing it on one of your tables. A little machine wielding a combination of cryo and something you couldn't quite recognise to perfectly preserve flowers for your creations. 
It was an element you'd wanted to incorporate in your creations since childhood, the imperfections of natural materials having always brought comfort. The excitement in his voice had been tangible, the faint traces of a blush visible on his cheeks as he'd realized you'd gotten lost in all the technical details. Clearing his throat awkwardly as he cut himself off and apologized, hands tucked into his pockets.
You'd been standing there wide-eyed, fighting to hold back tears at the gesture. Not only had he clearly been listening to your chatting all those days he'd spent quietly sketching or looking at all the materials in your workshop, he'd remembered. Before you could properly compose yourself, your arms had already found their home around his neck as you broke down in sobs.
His body had tensed, hands trembling as they found your shoulders and pulled you far enough back that he could look into your teary eyes. Worry was written plainly across his expression, his brow pinched together and his lips pulled into a thin line.
"D-did I.. do anything wrong? My apologies if it wasn't what you were looking for, I simply thought it would-"
"It's perfect Albedo"
Shaking your head and smiling you'd allowed yourself a final squeeze of the confused alchemist before you'd let go. You couldn't help but laugh, pacing back and forth as your hands wiped at your tears.
"No one has ever done something like this for me, it.. It took me by surprise, that's all. How much do I owe you? Oh this is perfect, I can't believe you could make something like this. Or rather, I could because you're a genius and everyone knows that, but I mean, that you'd be doing something to fulfill my wish is just-"
You cut yourself off, paralyzed by the expression on his face. Never had you seen such warmth in those pale blue eyes, his body looking much less tense than it had seconds before. He shook his head, hands waving dismissively in front of him.
"It's a gift, I insist," his voice was filled with such certainty, the words making your heart ache, longing to just accept.
"Albedo, I can't possibly... You must've spent a lot of time making this for me, not to talk about material costs"
He sighed, fingers tapping his lips as he thought. You were clearly too prideful to accept without giving something in return. He nodded solemnly as his mind settled on a compromise.
"In that case, I would like to receive the first piece you make using it, if that's agreeable? I've promised Klee long ago that she could get something from here when she got a little older,"
For some reason that offer only served to stoke your embarrassment, it seemed like a bad bargain on his part. There'd been a little back and forth with you trying to insist upon monetary payment, yet he'd shot you down every time you tried to persuade him that the things you made were hardly worth as much as his work. He'd simply shaken his head, sincerity burning behind his eyes when he kept explaining that it was more than a fair exchange in his eyes.
You'd invited him along for a trip to Starsnatch Cliff, firm in your insistence that he would have to join you in picking the flowers for your first trials. The nervousness in your voice had been tangible, it wasn't part of your shared routine, fear slithering along your spine at the thought of a rejection. Which in itself was silly, considering it was nothing more than a friendly offer.
Relief had flooded you with how easily he'd agreed, suggesting you leave as soon as possible. Nothing of interest was happening with the Knights today anyway, and it had been a while since he'd properly stretched his legs. Questioning his intentions was a game you didn't want to entertain today, wiping your hands on your skirt to calm your nerves.
You hardly felt presentable enough, but how could you tell him. Instead you paced back and forth on the street, Albedo having made you wait there while he went to grab something. Your chest tightened when he turned the corner, holding a woven basket in his hands as he proudly held it up.
"I had Sara pack this up for us," there was an uncharacteristic spring to his step as he closed the distance, offering you his arm to hold on to.
His smile faltered for a moment as you hesitated to place your hand on his arm, but he hid it well, averting his eyes as he started leading you out of the city. It was quiet for most of the walk, both of you slowly relaxing as the bustling sounds died down the further away from Mondstadt city you came. Your mind raced with possibilities, not wanting to say the wrong thing and ruin this... not date, you had to remind yourself, the voice in your head more chiding than you'd have wanted. 
"It uh- you didn't have to bring food. I don't want to take up your entire day," you couldn't help but wince inwardly at how pathetic you sounded.
Your gaze flickered to Albedo, hoping his eyes would extend their solace to you. They didn't. His head was turned firmly away. The ground became a more bearable sight before you had the chance to catch the flush extending down his neck.
"You tend to forget to eat when you're focused. Low blood sugar could result in dangerous situations," he had to bite down on his tongue refusing to let on how much the thought of you getting dizzy and stumbling, tripping and falling down the cliff, made his stomach lurch in ways he hadn't thought possible.
The mere thought of not being able to see your sweet smile as you greeted him, your pouting lips when you concentrated, the apologetic look in your eyes when he'd spoken too much or too fast and lost you... He'd rather burn every sketch he'd made of you than resign to only ever seeing your expressions in them.
Nothing could do you justice, the picture of life itself in Albedo's mind. His hand tightened around the basket, and he had to take a deep breath to prevent himself from screaming. 
You weren't much better off, cheeks flushed and hand twitching atop his arm. You fiddled with your skirt with your free hand, having no reply to his words. They rang true in your ears, the thought of him having caught on and planned for it making you feel a little giddy. The way he had said it so bluntly pushing down the shame you would've otherwise felt at burdening someone with your own shortcomings. 
After spending a couple of hours picking out flowers with Albedo your nerves had calmed down, and the usual comfort he brought had long since flooded your system. Nothing felt wrong in his company, and you relished in the way you could speak so freely to him. He'd been more lively as well, taking your hand to pull your with him on multiple occasions, eager to show you what he found and tell you about various phenomena.
No doubt you would've made for a more interesting conversation partner if you hadn't been close to short-circuiting every time his fingers intwined with yours. He didn't seem to mind, the soft look never leaving his eyes when he looked at you.
You'd sat down against a large rock, having consumed the refreshments he'd brought. A pleasant weariness made your body thrum, the combination of fresh air, exercise, and your favorite meal making you relax. The view was beautiful, yet you noticed Albedo's eyes had hardly left you, his lips parted slightly as if on the verge of speaking. You closed your eyes, wanting a moment to gather yourself as warmth blossomed in your chest.
If only every day could be like this. 
A hand tugged on your sleeve, bringing your body closer and adjusting your head so it lay on his shoulder. The soft locks of his hair brushed against your cheek, you couldn't stop yourself from inhaling his scent. Yet you dared not move nor speak, scared that this was nothing but a dream, something fickle that would vanish the moment your eyes opened.
His head came to rest against yours, and you felt his hot breath against your scalp, lips moving against your hair. His arm had snaked around your body, holding you against him.
"Forgive me, but I can't do this anymore," his voice was barely above a whisper, a strain evident as he spoke.
Your heart fell, a disgusting lump forming in your throat that threatened to strangle you. This was not a dream, it was a nightmare. You wanted to laugh at yourself for believing this time would be different.
His lips pressing against your hair and a warm droplet hitting your skin broke you out of your spiral for just long enough to realize that his grip on you had grown almost painfully tight, his voice shaky as he whispered a prayer.
"Promise that I'll never have to let go of you"
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genericpuff · 2 years ago
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lmao so RS just confirmed she STILL does not, in fact, have a buffer.
FAST PASS SPOILERS AHEAD
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To kick this off, let's be real, 2 weeks is NOT enough time to build up a reasonable buffer.
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When she took that 2 week break after the wedding episode went up, I knew 1 of 2 things was going to happen:
She was going to piss away the entire break on social media not getting anything done
Even if she DID get anything done and a reasonable buffer of more than 3-5 episodes built up, the episodes likely wouldn't be very high quality as you can't turn out shitloads of decent quality panels like that in just 2 weeks.
I think Rachel really just needs to acknowledge and take ownership of the fact that she is not good at managing herself, her time, or her team. When she started LO in the Originals section, she even admitted to not having a very strong buffer.
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Now yes, in her defense, she hadn't fully transitioned to drawing LO full time when she started, but even still, she seems to treat her FastPass episodes as her buffer rather than creating an actual buffer.
A buffer is not "well I still have 3 episodes locked to the general public" or "I have the next couple episodes sketched up".
A proper buffer is "I have the next several episodes finished and exported and ready for their respective release dates." This ensures that they aren't racing to meet deadlines during the release period after pre-production (which is a surefire way to screw yourself over or write yourself into a corner) and that if anything happens in real life that prevents them from working on future episodes, they can still put out new episodes because they have a cushion of episodes still waiting to be released. Webtoons typically recommends its creators have anywhere from 9-15 episodes of buffer ready by the end of the pre-production phase. That usually means 3 free episodes, 3 FastPass episodes, and at minimum, 9 more episodes sitting on the backend, adding up to a minimum of 15 episodes. It sounds like a lot, but when many WT series run for 40+ episodes per season, 15 is a small number. Especially for a comic like LO which had 90 episodes in its S2 run and 116 in its first season. S3 of LO is already 37 episodes in.
She's also basically admitted to just writing as she goes in the past because most people working on their webtoons in productions like these have at least a decent skeleton of a story going on that they don't have to write as they draw. Writer's block doesn't happen in webcomics unless you're writing as you're going, same as how it doesn't typically happen in animated movies because you should already have a basis to work off of before you start the brunt of the visual work that needs a narrative structure to exist.
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Now, all that aside, the reason I'm bringing this up again (as I've talked about her buffer range before) is because I've once again been proven that Rachel doesn't have a shred of a real buffer.
And the smoking gun this time was the horse.
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This stupid fucking horse.
Now, besides the fact that we're a little sus this is meant to be an in-comic jab at all the criticism of LO pointing out how Persephone always looks like an MLP character-
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-but that pony toy drawing didn't make its first appearance in Episode 241, it made its first appearance on Instagram. Not as a preview for episode 241 or as an official LO drawing, in her own words, 'just a pony'.
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As always, this is still just an estimation based on what goes out in LO and what Rachel posts to her IG/Twitter, but this pretty much tells me her buffer is STILL only 1-2 weeks ahead of time, because that pony drawing time lapse was posted two weeks ago. When we checked the actual timestamp of the post the day the episode it showed up in went up (Episode 241) it was ten days old.
Not to mention, the timestamps on those reddit posts? A month old. Granted, we had been making MLP jokes in the ULO/antiLO community prior to that, but the fact that this "my pretty pony" gimmick came out so soon after someone did literal art of Persephone crossed over with MLP, it really just furthers the suspicion (in addition to shitloads of other instances) that Rachel is snooping in on these crit communities to try and "clap back" at them through her comic. Which is something she'd only be able to do with a limited buffer anyways as it allows her to change things on the fly in response to criticism or whatever hurt her feelings that week.
That said, I won't be certain of this 1-2 week buffer estimation until we see when cowboy hat Hades shows up.
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I'm calling it now - it will be showing up in this week's episode which goes up April 22nd.
Place your bets, folks.
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cannibalgoldfish · 2 years ago
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Unavoidable (Part two)
Paring: Price X Trans male reader
Summary: Price and reader get back from the what occurred at a safe house, however the outcome becomes more hostile than it should have. The rest of the team senses the unease and agitation but are unable to help. Reader having enough of Price's avoidance confronts him about it. 
Part one
Word count: 1,764
Warnings: Angsty for most of it until the near the end then fluff stuff. Nothing else unless you count swearing (but come on? THAT's the thing you're worried about?) 
This is my first x reader set so let me know how I did lmao 
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It had been days since the incident, weeks would be more truthful to use but time felt different around the others. Soap, Ghost, and Gaz are a sped up whirlwind in comparison to the cold sludge of Price that had formed overnight. The sense of regret increasingly morphed into a near bitter "indifference" that Price had enforced since that night. It was as if you had been simultaneously turned invisible and into a mosquito that was constantly buzzing next to his ear. 
No orders. No eye contact. Nothing.
It was as if you hadn't ever existed. The rest of the unit felt the strain but had no knowledge of what happened, from the overheard whispers you walked in on, you could tell they thought that something went down during the mission. 
Soap after several failed attempts to get any information out of you, gave up after he saw the damage the punching bag took one night after tensions got to high. Ghost would occasionally drop by bringing in paperwork to fill out or entering with tea, his own silent version of support. Gaz and Soap on the other hand, took a less subtle route, immediately began planning movie nights and sneaking in board games as a temporary buffer for the agitation.
Recently, the irritability had plateaued while still being at an all time high. You had figured out Price's schedule, which lead you to spending your mornings in your room to evade him as he went in and out for meetings. (Afternoons he was shut up in his office for hours at a time, allowing you to be free to do whatever with the others in the common area.)
Unfortunately for you, it was what the unit called "briefing day", the monthly meeting of Laswell keeping the unit informed of general legal stuff in case you all need to get shipped off somewhere and didn't have time for a full preparation. The conference was held in her office building since you where all in the country, meaning there was no hiding out from Price.
In a small effort to procrastinate, after getting ready, you where unpacking and repacking your travel duffle. There was a light knock at the door as Soap peeked in, "Hey me and Ghost are gonna head off if you wanna join?". 
You stood up and did a faked a stretch, pretending to still be waking up, "Nah you go on ahead, I still need my morning coffee." Soap nodded but stood there for a moment, a look of worry that was unable to hide flashed on his face before closing the door. Waiting for the footsteps to fully fade, you walked out into the kitchen. The quiet stillness of the room created a small sense of security in you before leaving.
 The weight in your stomach gained more and more weight the closer you got to the door, swiftly opening the door and stepping inside you stood next to Gaz. Not looking up from the floor until the screen lit up with various information. Laswell's presentation quicky blended into background noise, partially from being boring legal jargon and from the anxiety of being near him. 
A gentle nudge of Gaz's foot brought everything back into focus. "-I'll send over the files tomorrow morning. That's all for today.", Laswell finishing up, began gathering her things presumably for her next meeting. You turned to leave, following Ghost and Soap out, when Laswell called for you to stop. Gaz passing by you threw you a silent good luck and joined the others. 
Price, in your peripheral vision, shuffled from foot to foot. His nervousness gave some relief to the ever growing anxiety, it couldn't have been an ambush if he didn't know or plan it. She huffed and slapped down papers onto the table switching from Chief Laswell to Kate, "You're both adults. I am not sending anyone any where until this team stops being.......Compromised. ". She shot a look at price before regaining composure, "Off the record- Get your shit together."
Laswell motioned toward to door for you both to leave, moving to the door you immediately headed back to the base. It wasn't a question of if she knew, of course she knew Kate would have been the first and probably only person that Price would have gone to after it happened. The real issue was what Price had done to make her so aggravated, had he tried to get a transfer? And if he did, who did he want gone? You or Him? 
The wave of anger over the thought of Price trying you get you kicked off the unit sent you reeling. You slammed the door to the base open, cutting off Gaz who had opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, "Not now Gaz, just-" You yelled walking into your room closing the door behind you. Sitting on the bed you stared at the wall, trying to push down the seething rage before it caused you to do anything stupid. (You had already had several infractions in your file that nearly caused you to get discharged, making the issue with Price even worse if he chose to file a complaint or give a reason for you to leave.) 
Feeling guilty over taking it out in Gaz, you leave to go apologize but freeze when you hear voices in the common area. Standing in the doorway of your room you listen, the hallway blocking your eyeline to the kitchen where they sat. 
"Have you tried the earl grey Ghost brought? It's got lavender in it." 
"Not yet." 
It goes silent except for the shuffling of papers and the scratching of a pen.
"Price, sir?"
 "Hmm" 
"You've been a little.... off since you gotten back, it's been a while and we're all-......... Have you thought about maybe talking to someone?"  
"I've got it handled Gaz."      
"With all due respect sir you shouldn't keep it in if-"
"ENOUGH GARRICK." 
You flinched at the scraping of a chair, anger bubbling up at Price's reaction. Was he really that disgusted? If he had regretted it, he could have forgotten about it and moved on. You hadn't even brought it up, if anything it was Price that ruined it. It wasn't his anger that hurt, it was the reason behind it that did. Was being with you, in any capacity, really that bad? 
You where exhausted, exhausted of the pity looks from the rest of the unit every time they thought you weren't looking. Done with everyone walking on eggshells around you and him, tired of being treated like a infant whose about to cry at any moment. You where done with dealing with everything that was caused by him. 
Having enough you turn around and walk back out, marching directly to Price's room. Raising your hand to knock, you stop. What the fuck am I even going to sa-
Midway through your thought, the door to the room swings open. All the anger fueled confidence vanishing the moment he came into view, "I'm.......-If you where going to do something I could come back later.".
Price looks at you for a moment, face clear of emotion, he steps to the side allowing you entry "I was actually coming to talk to you.", he stated closing the door behind you. You turned to him, he stood there arms crossed and in a wide stance. It was the most professional you've seen him be in weeks. Anger rising again as the silence continued, Price not bothering to further explain himself destroyed any patience you had left. 
"No. You know what, I'm tired of this shit!" The rant you've attempted to shove down for multiple weeks blurts out, whisper yelling at him you let it out. "I'm tired of walking into a room and having to watch out for.......you! Having to make sure that I don't set you off, having to make sure that 2 seconds worth of eye contact isn't going to ruin BOTH of our days!" Afraid to raise your voice even a decibel higher for fear of your voice cracking and ruining the false confidence, you pause to take a breath trying to keep tears from forming. 
"Yea it was stupid and I'm sorry I initiated it, but it does not give YOU THE RIGHT TO THROW A FUCKING FIT OVER IT AND TAKE IT OUT ON EVERYONE WITHIN A MILE RADIUS NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU REGRETTED OR IT WAS REPULSED BY-" Realizing you had slowly moving closer to him, inches separating your faces, you back up until you hit the wall behind you. The rage being sucked out by cold concrete against your back. "I really liked you, hell I even loved you. I knew it was just a fuck and I wasn't expecting anything after it but you don't have to be a giant dick about it. "
Silence again.
Price, just as before, was motionless. Only slightly taller than you, his face was angled down keeping the unwavering eye contact he kept since you got there. Refusing to continue until he gave any inclination of comprehension, you stared right back.   
Finally, after what was hours shoved into seconds, he moved. Sighing and wiping a hand over his face he spoke, "You're right, I was angry. I was angry that I broke boundaries. I was angry at myself for allowing me to ruin- " He paused. The hard exterior melting away, shoulders falling from previous tension, "I was afraid to even touch you, because I knew that if did I wouldn't be able to go back, - have it go back to being like it was before.". 
He steps forward, creating the same distance just as you had earlier. Inhaling at the ghosting of his hand over the skin of your neck, he brought his eyes back to you. Holding your face in his hands, feeling the burning heat he giving off in comparison to the wall that you are pressing yourself into. 
You just look at him.
"I was doing so well for so long," he whispers, his eyes searching your face for any reaction, "you don't know how hard I was trying to stay away." Price stops again, waiting for permission as his thumb grazes your cheek. A tear slips through as the realization blooms. He wasn't disgusted, or repulsed, or regretful. Grabbing his face and closing the space between you, his pulse beating against your hands as you kiss him. Breaking it off after your air had been depleted, his forehead resting against yours, you smiled, "You know you're really cheesey right?". 
"That's your take away from all this?" 
Tag list:
@tapioca-marzipan
I was debating about making a part three but idk yet (not enough of a plot for whole third part)
Also seriously let me know if there are any mistakes or if the spacing is weird, dont want my shit looking like a mess lmao
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diabolikpersonals · 9 months ago
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kanato cl endings!! this is my new favorite kanato route!! and for once, I think the good ending is more satisfying than the bad one lol
euphoria end:
in the church, kanato concludes that he just can’t ignore the sakamaki brothers. he has all kinds of feelings for them, including jealousy and contempt, and because of that, he won’t be able to part with them easily. (thats the most backwards way to say you love them I’ve ever heard, but I’ll take it!! good job, kanato!!) but outside, the scarlet and violet families are arguing over who gets to go inside and steal eve. ayato and laito are standing guard, and even though they’re SO outnumbered, ayato declares that they’ve got no choice but to stop em. and laito says it’s for his oniichan’s sake ^^
kanato… [wiping tears] …wants to go save ayato and laito. he can’t leave them, because they’re brothers who have been together since before they were born.
before he goes, he and yui stand at the altar and yui comments that it feels like a wedding, but kanato refutes that they can’t possibly have a wedding without wedding cake. they have a ring, though! because kanato bit yui’s ring finger earlier and it left a scar. so, because it might be their last time, they exchange vows and kiss.
…which is, of course, the key to leaving this place. everything goes white and they’re back in the real world. yui thinks ayato and laito are dead for a sec, but theyre just snoozin. karl heinz shows up, explains the whole thing, and gives kanato a pat on the back and tells him it’s time to inherit his powers.
kanato says, no way!! I won’t be king. I once thought that I didn’t care about those other guys, but I’ve just realized I have all these complicated feelings about them, and I don’t know what I’ll do if those guys are gone. so I won’t be all alone like you, father.
karl heinz is like “lmao…I’ll give u a little more time” and he disappears. time to go home. kanato jokes that they can leave ayato and the others behind, but he’s not serious >_> so they get to work waking em up. kanato says that he never thought such a day would come, but he misses how noisy the sakamaki house is. (awwww…!!)
back at the sakamaki house, the triplets + yui are studying together for a makeup exam. ayato and laito start goofing off after ten minutes, but kanato is SERIOUS because reiji hid all his sweets so he NEEDS to pass. he kicks his brothers out so he can focus, then grumbles that he should’ve left them at the miniature garden (LMAO) but yui’s like “aww, you’re totally having fun.” they make out and kanato says he loves her no matter where they are, and all’s well that ends well!! good for them!
labyrinth end:
yui confidently tells kanato she’ll trust whatever his decision is, and he’s like “okay. I want to murder everyone.” yui is all UMMM anything but that, please??? but he’s not listening. he sucks her blood till she loses consciousness
it suddenly cuts to carla whipping ruki and shin till they pass out, which is awesome but very unexpected. it’s the first we’ve seen them since they got captured lol. subaru arrives to tell carla that eve is at the church, so off we go!!
at the church, ayato and laito have gotten their asses severely kicked by scarlet fam. yuma also collapses and shu’s like “yuma….!” which is enough otp crumbs to keep me fed all week, thank you very much. carla arrives on the scene and starts shittalking with reiji, but then…!!
………..when yui wakes up, she sees kanato is covered in blood and she’s like “oh god we have to treat ur injuries!” and of course kanato’s like “dont worry, it’s not my blood ^^” he happily tells her that he’s almost finished taking care of things here, and he continues his unspeakable violence. he’s killed everyone and they’re the only ones left. he hugs her, and the blood he’s covered with is still warm.
well it doesn’t work; they don’t go home. (not that this would work anyway, but aren’t ruki and shin still alive in the violet dungeon? am I wrong…? did carla kill them? whatever.) yui faints and can’t speak, so kanato moves her around like a doll. they’ll live forever in this world, then, just the two of them. it’ll be awfully quiet.
back in the real world, karl heinz is like “my friend. did u get my sons killed” and socrates is like “sowwy :( I just didnt think it was worth it to lose my best friend to some immature adam.” karl heinz says it’s ok, and socrates suggests reversing time. karl heinz is like sure, yeah, let’s reverse time and have them try again. (EXCUSE ME???? EXCUSE ME????????????? COULD U DO THAT THIS WHOLE TIME. THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING) so I guess they, uh, reverse time and try again????.?.??
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magpies4nights · 7 months ago
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21, Falling Down the Stairs (Dev log #16)
Well, it’s been an uneventful 2 weeks since I’ve last updated y’all. I’ve completely finished the computer thing I showed y'all last time, teehee. I'm not gonna say what exactly it is but there's a good route and a bad route, I guess you could say lol. I also made some more sprites because it made me really mad. Therapy <3333
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Scale Dummy core teehee
I still haven't figured out the optimizing thing though, because every tip I could find was for 3d stuff, and the 2d questions would always be "answered" with "why do you need culling for a 2D game? It has less data." THIS SCENE IS SO HEAVY MY COMPUTER CRASHES WHEN IT'S NOT IN THE EDITOR, AND IT'S FROM 2019!!! THAT'S NOTHING IN AGE!!!! Wait, is it something??? I don't even know anymore god how long ago was 2019?? Arg.
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(AI disturbance overlay from: https://www.tumblr.com/arson-jellyfish69/750555399114080256/put-these-on-the-top-layer-above-everything-set)
But anyways, I'm pretty sure if I got a brand spanking new computer and I ran that puppy on the computer it would start coughing and dying. I've also been thinking of updating the demo again, because I kinda feel bad that it's been left untouched since like May, and some things have changed. Maybe mid June???? July???? I don't know. I'll definitely change the secret room, because I realized if people discovered it by now, they probably are walking into the walls and not realizing it because they are invisible, I remember once I was showing one of my friends that room and she did that and I had to help her. I am top 10 game designers, I know /j
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...Anyways, I can't think up on references right now, my brain is mush LMAO. however, since it's pride month...
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Yeah, we got the pride flags out. Huah. (not a ship. They're related and Priyah is a minor)
I would have put my headcannons for the cannon GASA4AM:SC characters but They're pretty much popular headcannons sooooo, yeah. lmao. I also kinda don't feel like drawing anymore right now.
Well, I don’t know if I can talk about my life anymore. It’s for personal reasons, honestly. All I can really say is that the weather has been crazy, there was a time when the region I lived in had no power for several hours because of a storm, and that I started summer classes. They are pretty hectic, I'm not gonna lie. I ended up with health problems, AGAIN, so now I'm eating the world's most blandest foods until I'm in better shape. Which honestly I'm thinking it's when they end and I'm guaranteed passing grades (I'd be so happy if I get 70's). I wish I could say what’s on my mind, but right now I can’t. I honestly don’t know when I can again. It’s not for professionalism, I honestly doubt my future employers will somehow link this back to me, as much as I feel like people will try to dig up my past and my present. I'm thinking though once I'm done with this fan game I might have have to stop making games under this name, as gut wrenching as that is. I had to come to that realization, I was incredibly disappointed, trust me. I've been thinking on this since March when my dad was mad at me but if I want to make money, I'll have to go under a different name. I'll see you there when I crossed that bridge though, I'm not going anytime soon with the way this fan game is going LMAOOOO.
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loderlied · 9 months ago
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gortash 1, 6, 7
zeke 3, 4, 5
<3
(hi! i realised i had this finished but it was rotting in my drafts so i’m gonna queue this for my short absence lol.) i mean. gortash isn’t an oc but sure why not lol. you can always send me asks about him actually <3
1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?
just sitting still? not a problem. his problem comes with finding something like this to be an utterly wasteful way to spend your time. i think even when he gets done with work for the day earlier than planned (which doesn’t happen often because his plans are so meticulous. usually some incident like someone he was meeting with unexpectedly not being able to attend was the cause here which he. doesn’t like because interruptions in schedule bad lol) he usually finds some other way to be productive. (like spending time in his workshop or drawing for example.)
but uh. how long would he be able to sit still? if a plan of his for some reason required him to sit still and do nothing for a fucking week, he’d gnash his teeth about it but he’d be able to do that and much more—everything that’s necessary will be done. otherwise? you absolutely will not catch him just lounging around lmao.
6. Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?
definitely immovable 100%. there’s just a teeny tiny problem with this—this applies to his system only, his way of viewing the world, his values and laws for himself and the laws and values he inherently imposes on others. he considers himself a man who does whatever is necessary, and more importantly the only one who is capable of actually deciding on and carrying out order. judge, jury and executioner, y’know. his word is law and his word is what he will stick to until the very end and everyone else better follow suit if they don’t want to be mentally branded as a mistake by him lol. i think he sees it as there being a universal way the world should work, which is the system of the machine with him as the core, it’s just everyone else that doesn’t see this ‘truth’ at the moment & needs fixing.
7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?
to me, gortash is a man of the future. yes, he does so enjoy taking his trophies from past conquests and yes, he does not forget the past, dissecting and learning is a process that includes his past as well as others’ he so loves to dissect and use in his schemes, but i simply don’t see him as someone who would ever wallow in feelings like nostalgia. it’s not even that he doesn’t want to, he just doesn’t experience it in the first place.
to sort of illustrate what i mean: i think he definitely remembers his coronation to become archduke as a grand stepping stone in his plan and all, but that’s what being a man of the future and baldur’s gate’s saviour means, it’s exactly that—a stepping stone for more. he won’t simply rest on the steps now when he has so many more to climb. and when you’re at the top of the stairs, there is no need to look back either.
3. How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)
not at all uhhhhhh. only joking. well. only half-joking? zeke, due to his paranoia about everything surrounding gortash, the nightmares that result from that & just his nature as someone who never fucking stops being on his feet, has insane troubles sleeping. with his severe malnutrition and lack of sleep just result in the biggest eye bags known to man. more like eye trenches or whatever.
anyways, the solution is just uhm. going so hard until he eventually passes out and then repeat that process. 😬. later on when he does finally trust his companions enough to eat a bit around them, shadowheart laces his food with a sleeping potion because she hasn’t seen him rest for more than half an hour consecutively and he understandably gets triggered (gortash never put mind-altering drugs into zeke’s food, stuff made him sick for example was what was commonly used instead, because he needs him to be aware of his own suffering to enjoy it, but. still.) because of it. so. not ideal.
4. How easy is it to earn their trust? & 5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?
i’m just gonna combine these into one bigger answer hope that’s okay 👍 so, every single thing starts out with lots of mistrust from zeke lmao. and yes, i don’t just mean every person, i mean everything, even objects he has never seen before or shit like that. but there’s still multiple levels of mistrust, there’s again the basic mistrust everyone gets, and then there’s mistrust as in ‘you’ve given me a sign (and this truly might be fucking nothing. it most often is nothing. this boy is insane) that you’re working for gortash and i am now immediately killing you’ 😬 and then there’s of course the ‘AAAAHHHHHH WHAT ARE YOU’ level exclusively reserved for mr gortash himself.
to gain his trust, you have to approach it a little bit like you would with a feral kitten except a lot more careful because this thing can actually kill you before you even know that he went for the killing blow if you do something wrong. you have to essentially let him sniff you out, sometimes metaphorically and sometimes literally, assure him that you’re not a threat to him. no sudden movements, loud noises or other similar actions and you’ll be good. he’ll still be on high alert, but is out of ‘kill once it gets within 10 metres’ mode lmao. and that’s basically it. building trust with him is an extremely slow, hard & painful (most often for the party that isn’t zeke) process and honestly? it’s not worth it considering YOU can never fully trust him not to suddenly feel his entire being scream to hunt & kill you. i’ve made this comparison before but it’s essentially like one of those people on taking an animal like a lynx or a chimpanzee into their home. they’ll probably get used to you and maybe even trust you, but they’re still wild animals at the end of the day. wild animals who can and will, if you’re not careful, severely hurt or even kill you if. zeke is the wild and the wild is zeke and all haha.
the methods to earn his trust and mistrust are both not very complex, but while earning his trust is a slow, never sure and stable thing, earning his mistrust is quick and very, very easy in comparison. once again, just one sign that you’re a threat, one wrong movement at the wrong time and you’re out. and this behaviour is just his base instincts as the apex predator and all. like how i described earlier, zeke also has SO many gortash related triggers on top of all that already. for example, telling him that his eyes are beautiful! they just are objectively extraordinary, so you most likely just want to genuinely compliment him! it’s rough. zeke is awful. end essay.
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johnsbleu · 1 year ago
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Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 156
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warnings: nsfw, john’s pov (i love how that’s a warning lmao) HMH Masterlist
The shop is always so peaceful and quiet in the mornings. The sun peeks in through the windows and shines on the the floor, leaving the shadows of the window panes. The plants that Y/N bought look so nice and green in the sunlight, and they add some color to the shop. I told her that the shop doesn’t need any more plants, but who am I to say no to her? She’s just too damn cute.
I grab the watering can and fill it up with some water in the bathroom, then I stop and turn around to head into the office to grab the plant food Y/N bought for the plants. I can already hear her right now telling me to ‘feed her babies’. I smile a little when I think about her, then I add a few drops of the liquid to the water and slosh it around to mix it up before I head back out to water the plants.
Looking over at the door, I see Tony knocking on the door to be let in, so I set the watering can aside and walk over to unlock the door.
“Hey, Mr. Wick.” Tony says, and I let out a small laugh. He shakes his head and laughs, “John, sorry. It just feels wrong sometimes.”
“No worries.” I grab the watering can and finish watering the plants that are littered throughout the shop, then I wave when Katie walks in, “Hey.”
Katie smiles as she shuts the door, “Surprised to see you here.”
“Yeah,” I laugh as I look at her, “Grace has to take her mom to an appointment this morning, so I’m just opening until she’s able to come in.”
“How’s the Mrs. and the little munchkin?”
I smile at the thought of my beautiful girls back home waiting for me, “They’re good. Both were fast asleep when I left this morning. Ro is cutting another tooth, so it was a sleepless night for all of us last night, which isn’t great since we have Ronan’s nine month checkup this afternoon.”
“Oh,” Katie grimaces, then she nods as she walks over to me, “My nephew is teething. I know how hard that is. My condolences.”
“Thanks. I’ll pass them along.” I smile, then I look over at Tony as he begins to go through a box of books we just got. I walk over to change to the sign on the door to let people know we’re open, then I take another quick walk around the shop to make sure everything is in place.
There’s a new shipment of toys and books for the kid’s section, so I walk into the office and grab it so I can put them out on the shelves. I smile when I open the box and see the stuffed animals inside, and I grab out the little pig and set it aside for a very special girl who I know will love it. I grab out several stuffed animals and clip them to the rope for toys, then I set books out on the display before I stand back and admire my work a little.
There’s a few things that I need to get done this morning; just some more shipments of new books and things, and I also need to make the schedule for next week, then I can finally head home to see my girls.
__
Since Grace came in a little early, I was able to get out early as well, which is great since Y/N probably needs my help to get Ro ready for the day. It’s only a little after 10, so I decide to call her to see if she’s eaten anything yet--I know Ro will have eaten by now, but Y/N tends to forget about herself.
“Hi, baby.”
“Hi, are you on your way home?”
I smile as I nod, “I am, I just wanted to call and see if you’ve eaten yet.”
“I just fed Bug, now we’re laying in bed just relaxing.”
I nod my head again since I know she hasn’t eaten, “Okay, well, I’ll be home in about 15 minutes.”
Y/N laughs when Ronan babbles loudly into the phone, “She said that she wants you to hurry up because she misses her daddy.”
“Well, I’ll be there soon,” I laugh, turning down the street to the bagel shop, “I love you.”
“Don’t take too long, I miss you!”
Nodding my head, I laugh a little, “I miss you too. I’ll be there shortly.”
“Okay, I love you.”
“I love you too, peach.”
__
Walking into the house, I smile when Bleu trots over to greet me, then he runs back to the stairs and looks at me, like he’s telling me that the girls are upstairs. I follow him upstairs and smile when I turn the corner and see Y/N standing in front of the mirror as she fixes her romper thing she’s wearing.
“Hi.” I smile, and she looks over at me and perks up. She has a little hop in her step as she walks over and wraps her arms around my waist, then she kisses me several times before she leans back and looks down to see that I have stuff in my hands, “I bought you breakfast.”
“What? Baby, that’s so sweet.” she smiles as she looks up at me, then she stands on her tiptoes to kiss me again. “Ro is napping right now, but she should be up soon.”
I nod my head as I hand the bag and orange juice to her, “Go eat. I can get her when she’s up.”
“Best man ever,” she smiles, and I pat her behind as she walks past. She turns around and scrunches her eyebrows, “Aren’t you coming with me? She won’t be up for another 15 minutes, I’m sure.”
“Yeah, I’m coming with.” I laugh, and she smiles as she turns around and heads downstairs with me behind her. She sits down on the couch and looks up at me with big curious eyes, and I laugh, “What?”
Y/N shakes her head as she shrugs, then she reaches in for her bagel and sees there’s one for me as well. She hands it to me and sits back on the couch as she begins to pulls pieces off. It’s a little habit that she has which I find adorable--instead of just biting into the bagel like most, she’ll pull off small parts and eat them.
“How’s the shop? Oh, did you water the plants?”
“I did,” I nod as I look at her, “I even put the plant food in it.”
Y/N smiles as she looks at me, “Thank you. They’re getting big, aren’t they?”
“They are. The one has really long vines that are starting to hang down.”
“Ooh, I can cut them off and make a whole new plant.” she says, and I smile as I reach over to wipe away the cream cheese on her lip. “The shop was good though?”
I nod, leaning forward to take a drink of her orange juice, “Yeah, Tony and Katie came in, then Grace came in a little later since her mom had an appointment.”
Y/N hums as she nods, “That’s why she was coming in late. I completely forgot. I wanted to send her and her mom some flowers because she’s starting chemo, I should do that now.”
“Baby,” I put my hand out and stop her from getting up, “Sit down.”
Y/N widens her eyes a little as she sits back down, “What?”
“Just sit down,” I laugh as she looks at me as her eyes grow sad, “I just want to sit with you for a few minutes.”
A smile spreads across her face as she moves closer to me, “You just want me to yourself?”
“Yes!” I laugh as I nod, then I pull her closer to kiss her a few times. I lean back to look at her as she keeps her eyes closed and smiles softly, then she opens her eyes and pecks me quickly before she finishes her bagel. “After Ro’s appointment in a bit, I have somewhere I want to bring you two. I just heard about it the other day, so I wanted to surprise my girls, but I knew you’d think it was weird if I started driving in the opposite direction of home after we leave the doctor.”
Y/N perks up and smiles, “A surprise?”
“Yup.” I nod, then I lean over to kiss her. I look over my shoulder when I hear Bleu whimpering at the top of the stairs to let me know Ronan is awake, then I kiss Y/N again before I get up.
“Give me a hint!” Y/N says as she kneels on the couch, and I look over at her and shake my head before I head upstairs. “Ugh! You’re the worst!”
I laugh as I look at her, “You just said I was the best man ever five minutes ago.”
“Okay, well, you are the best man ever,” she says, smiling as sweet as she can so I’ll give her a hint, but I shake my head and continue walking upstairs.
Pushing the door open to Ronan’s room, I smile and wave at her as she stands up and reaches up for me. I walk over to turn off her noise machine, then I get a new diaper out since she’ll need to be changed.
“Hey, Bug.” I smile as I walk over to get her from her crib, and I hug and kiss her as she stretches out a little. “You’re stinky.”
“She gets that from you.” Y/N says as she walks in, then she smiles and waves at Ronan before I lay her down to change her.
I make noises and faces at Ronan to keep her from getting fussy while I change her diaper, then I quickly put a new one on and look over to see what Y/N is picking for Ronan to wear. She holds up a little onesie that is a pale pink, then she grabs something else, but I don’t know what they’re called.
“Look at these,” Y/N smiles, holding up the outfit for Ronan, “Tess bought it the other day.”
“What are those called?”
Y/N scrunches her face up as she thinks, “Uh, I don’t know. I think my mom always called them bloomers. I just call them ruffle butt shorts.”
I laugh as I look down at Ronan, then I hold her as she stands up in front of me. Y/N pulls the onesie over Ronan’s head and gets her arms through it, then she snaps it closed before she pulls on the little shorts with the ruffles on the butt.
“So pretty!” she smiles as Ronan squeals.
“No bow today?” I ask, and Y/N scoffs as she shakes her head since we both know Ronan will just rip it off. “How was she this morning?”
Y/N grabs out the little sandals for Ronan, then she sets them aside before she grabs her things to pack for the day, “Uh, pretty good actually. After you left this morning, I went back to bed since she was still sleeping, then she finally woke up around…8. She ate, we played, then she went down for her nap. She’s been good. Still drooling quite a bit.”
“How are you?” I ask, and Y/N stands up straight and looks at me. “How are you, mom? Are you still hungry?”
“No.” she shakes her head and smiles as she walks over to me, then she places her hand on the back of my neck and pulls me down to her lips, “How did I get so lucky?”
I laugh as I shake my head, “I ask myself how I got so lucky every day.”
Ronan babbles as Y/N and I look into each other’s eyes, then we look at her and smile when she bounces in my arms.
“Who’s this big guy, huh?” Y/N asks, and Ronan giggles, “Is that your daddy? Your dada?”
A smile spreads across my face when I hear Ronan babbling and saying ‘dada’ over and over, and I smother her little face in kisses. She tilts her head back and giggles loudly when I tickle her, then she looks at her momma and reaches for her.
“Oh, I’ll protect you!” she laughs as she takes her, then she makes a loud chomping noise in the crook of her neck as Ronan giggles loudly. Y/N leans back to look at Ronan as she laughs, then she looks over at me.
“Man, she’s really starting to look like you.” I laugh as I look at them, then I shake my head, “I think she’s momma’s twin lately.”
Y/N smiles as she looks over at Ronan, “It’s the dimple in the right cheek. She still looks just like her daddy. She’s gorgeous.”
“She is,” I nod, then I cup Y/N’s cheek, “So are you, peach. You look beautiful today.”
“It’s makeup and coffee,” she says as we laugh, then she nods, “Lots of makeup.”
I shake my head and lean down to kiss her, “It’s not. You’re just beautiful, baby.”
Y/N leans back and smiles at me, “Thank you, handsome.”
“Now because of this surprise, the only hint I’ll give you is that maybe you should bring a change of clothes for bug.” I say, and Y/N perks up, “It’s an outside surprise.”
“Am I dressed okay?” she asks, looking down at her outfit before she looks up at me.
I nod my head and smile, “Definitely. I just thought you’d want to bring a change of clothes for her in case she gets dirty. I’m gonna need some pictures of my girls, but we can take those right away before she gets dirty.”
Y/N cocks up her eyebrow and smirks, “I’m very curious.”
“You’re gonna love it.” I smile at her, then I leave the room.
__
Ronan’s appointments always make me so nervous, Y/N as well. We both know that Ronan is a happy and healthy little girl, but there’s always that small fear that something could be wrong with her. An underlying illness we don’t know about. It stresses us out.
Y/N is holding Ronan in her lap as best as she can since she’s fighting to be put down, but as soon as she lets go of her, she’ll open every cupboard in here. She scoots her up in her arms as Ronan fusses a little, and I lean over to tickle Ronan’s belly and hopefully calm her down. The door finally opens as Doctor Marlene walks in, and I reach out to shake her hand before she sits down on the chair and places Ronan’s chart in her lap.
“Hi, Ronan.” she smiles as she reaches out to tickle her tummy, and Ronan cries as she squirms, “You can put her down.”
“Are you sure? She’s a handful.” Y/N grimaces, “She’ll get into everything.”
Doctor Marlene laughs as she reaches over and tugs on the cupboards, “Baby proof.”
Y/N lets Ronan off her lap, but she keeps her eye completely fixed on her until I reach over and pat her thigh a little to calm her down.
“Alright,” Doctor Marlene inhales and opens the chart as she sets it on the desk, “Is she eating well?”
“Oh, yeah.” Y/N laughs as we look at each other, “She’s been eating a variety of baby foods, but she still gets formula. She’s drinking from a sippy cup. We’ve even managed to get her to drink from a real cup a few times, we’re very proud.”
Doctor Marlene chuckles, “Oh, that’s always so exciting though. How’s her sleep? She sleeping okay?”
“Yeah,” I nod as Y/N smiles, “She sleeps through the night, maybe once or twice she’ll fuss a little and one of us will go soothe her, but for the most part, she’s doing good. Getting two naps during the day as well.”
“Good, good.” she nods, then she looks at us again, “How’s the poopy diapers? Consistency and color been changing a bit with the introduction of foods?”
I laugh as Y/N looks at me and raises her eyebrows, “Yeah, got a bit of a scare the other day when I changed her and noticed her…poop wasn’t the right color. Y/N had to remind me that we had been feeding Ronan peas for a few days.”
“Hey, we’ve all been there,” Doctor Marlene laughs, and we all look over at Ronan as she toddles around the room, “I see she’s walking really well. When did that start?”
“June 14th,” I say, and Y/N smiles softly when I look at her, “We were sitting in the living room playing, and next thing we knew she was walking over to us after she had crawled away.”
“Hmm, so she’s sitting with no support, pulling herself up, and walking,” Doctor Marlene smiles, then she looks over at Ronan when she says ‘dada’ and walks to me, “And saying ‘dada’.”
Y/N laughs and reaches over to pinch Ronan’s cheek, “Her first word, of course. ‘Mama’ wasn’t far behind though, I have to brag a little.”
Doctor Marlene smiles, then she inhales deeply, “Well, let’s get the worst part over with.”
I sit back and watch as the doctor lifts up Ronan and sets her on the scale, then she quickly jots down on her chart. She looks over her shoulder at Y/N and smiles when she gets up to help. I would walk over to help, but the room is small and I don’t want to crowd around them.
“26 inches.” Y/N laughs, then she looks over at me, “I think she’s gonna be short.”
“Just like her mom.” I smile, and Y/N looks over at me again as she smiles.
Ronan giggles when Y/N picks her up and holds her, then she squeals loudly as Y/N laughs and walks over to sit with me. Doctor Marlene sits back down and smiles as she looks through Ronan’s chart, then she looks up at Ronan and pinches her chunky leg.
“She needs one shot today.” she says, and I nod as I look over at Ronan in Y/N’s lap, “Just one quick little shot, and you’re free to go. She’s usually good with her shots.”
“She is,” Y/N smiles as she kisses Ronan’s cheek, then she hands her to me since I’m closer to the doctor.
I take Ronan and set her in my lap, then I hold her legs a little since she’s kicking them. Doctor Marlene starts to sing and dance a little as she squeezes Ronan’s legs and arms to keep her in a good mood, then she gets the needle ready and smiles at Ronan.
Doctor Marlene sings to distract Ronan, then she smiles and gives her the shot, “Boop!”
Ronan stares at the doctor for a moment with her wide brown eyes, then she kicks her legs and laughs. Y/N leans over to kiss her cheek, then she smiles as she looks up at me.
Doctor Marlene laughs, “Such a good kiddo. You’re all set!”
“Thank you.” Y/N smiles as she gets Ronan dressed.
“Enjoy this weather, it’s gorgeous today.” she says, then she waves at Ronan, “Bye-bye.”
Ronan looks up at the doctor and waves, then she squeals and looks up at Y/N as she pulls her little bloomers back on. She puts Ronan on her hip and turns around to look at me, then she smiles and leans down to kiss me.
“Ready?”
“Yup,” I stand up and hold the door open for my girls, then I smile as they walk out and look at me.
Even though Ronan’s eyes are brown like mine, she looks so much like her mom when I look into her eyes. They both have this curiosity in them, and they both can bring me to my knees. I love them so much, and I couldn’t imagine my life without my girls.
“Now onto my surprise,” I say, and Y/N looks at me and grins as she squints her eyes, still trying her hardest to guess.
__
Both of the girls fell asleep on the drive, but to be fair, it was almost an hour long drive and neither of them got much sleep last night. I almost contemplated just driving back home since they’re so tired, but I know Y/N would probably be upset and feel bad since she’d think she’d ruined my big surprise or something.
I park the car and turn it off before I reach over and gently rub the back of my hand against Y/N’s cheek to wake her up, and I smile when she inhales deeply and opens her eyes a little.
“Oh god, I fell asleep.” she whispers, then she looks over at me and laughs, “That’s embarrassing.”
“You’re tired.” I smile at her as I shrug, “It’s okay.”
Y/N yawns as she sits up, then she pulls down the visor so she can check herself in the mirror. She rotates her neck a little and looks over her shoulder to check on Ronan, then she smiles at me before she looks around to see we’re in a parking lot.
“Oh, our surprise?”
“Yup,” I nod, then I pucker my lips for a kiss. She smiles as she leans over to kiss me, then she cups my face and leans back to look at me. I give her another kiss before we both look back at Ronan as she begins to make noise, then I kiss the palm of Y/N’s hand. “I’ll get her.”
Getting out of the car, I pop the trunk and open the back door to get Ronan out, then I kiss her cheek and bring her to the back so I can change her diaper. Y/N looks around as she stands next to me, and I smile when she stands on her tiptoes to get a look at where we are.
“Nice try,” I laugh, and Y/N scoffs and playfully rolls her eyes. “You only have to wait a few more minutes.”
Y/N points at the stroller, silently asking if we need it, and I nod my head since we probably will. I’ll push it if Ronan ends up wanting to walk, but most likely she’ll get tired from walking after a while. Y/N smiles when I put Ronan in the stroller, then she watches as I grab Ro’s bag and her purse and stuff them into the basket under the stroller.
“Alright…” I smile at Y/N, and I place my hand on her back as we begin to walk. “Have any idea?”
“To be honest…” Y/N laughs as she shakes her head, “No.”
I smile as I lean down to kiss her, then I look around before I move my hand down to her ass and squeeze it. I spank her a few times as we walk through the parking lot, and Y/N shakes her head and laughs quietly.
“You look so good today.” I whisper to her, and she raises her eyebrows and looks up at me. “Maybe mom and dad can have some alone time later?”
“I was really hoping for that.” she smiles, nodding her head.
I place my hand on her back again as we walk up to the gate, and I see Y/N perk up more as I walk over to pay for our tickets. The woman behind the counter leans up to see Ronan in the stroller, then she smiles before she slides two tickets across for me and Y/N.
I give the woman a smile and wave as we walk through the gate, then I turn around and look at Ronan, “You’re free because you’re so little!”
“Thank god…” Y/N laughs, “12 bucks for a toddler is ridiculous!”
Shaking my head, I let out a small laugh as I walk over to Y/N and kiss her. She smiles as she looks at me, then she looks around and perks up when she looks into the distance.
“Is that…”
“500…thousand sunflowers.” I say, Y/N gasps as she looks over at me, “And guess what? We can even pick some to take home. They have seeds too that we can take home and plant.”
Y/N smiles as she looks around, then she points, “There’s even a little barnyard.”
“See why I wanted to bring a change of clothes for bug?” I ask, and she nods her head and laughs, “I want to get some pictures of us all first, then we can change her. I should have brought Bleu. We could take some family pictures here today.”
When Y/N sees the petting zoo with goats, she gasps loudly and grabs my arm, yanking me along with her. I push Ronan’s shoulder, laughing as I try to keep up with my wife.
__
Pressing a kiss to Ronan’s cheek, I rock her back and forth, then I smile when Y/N leans up to kiss her too. She rubs her hand over Ronan’s hair and smiles, then she kisses her again before I lay her down in her crib.
Y/N walks over and stands by the door and smiles when I look at her, then she gestures to the kitchen. I nod my head and look back down at Ronan, then I walk over to turn on her nightlight and noise machine before I close the door behind me a little.
From the top of the stairs, I can see the slightest glimpse of Y/N as she cleans up the mess in the kitchen, so I head down to help her.
She’s been a little more quiet since we got home, and she keeps staring at me and looking away when I look at her. I feel like there might be something weighing on her mind, and I want her to be open and talk with me about it.
“She down?”
“Out like a light.” I laugh, then I reach over to grab the condiments on the counter to put them away. “Are you tired?”
Y/N sighs, “A little, but I feel like I won’t be able to sleep again tonight. She’s been good today and her teeth aren’t bothering her too bad, but I just…don’t think I’ll sleep that well tonight.”
“Are you okay?” I ask as I look at her, and she nods, wiping down the counter with a wet rag. “Baby…”
“I’m okay.” she says as she looks up at me.
I hold her gaze for a moment, then I walk over to put away the clean dishes. I bump into Y/N’s backside when she moves, and I spank her a few times as she quietly laughs.
Usually I’d get some cheeky comment from her, or she’d just bend over the counter so I’d spank her again, but she just smiles and moves past. Very unlike her.
I watch as Y/N stands at the counter for a moment and looks around, probably thinking of what she’s going to clean next, and I walk over and stand behind her. I reach up to move her hair off her shoulder, then I lean down and kiss her neck, hoping like hell she’s going to give me the invitation to take this further. She tilts her head back against my chest and smiles--that’s a yes--and I look down as I move my hands up to her breasts. She’s only wearing a tank top since it was a little warmer in the house when we got home earlier, and I can see she’s not wearing a bra.
Reaching up, I pull the strap of her tank top down to reveal her breast, then I caress it in my hand before I twist and roll her nipple between my finger and thumb. Y/N lets out a small breath as she leans back against my chest, then she looks down and watches as I pull the other strap of her tank top down. I suck and kiss on her neck as she leans back in my arms, then I turn her around and lift her onto the counter.
We maintain eye contact for a moment, then I reach up and pull her shirt off before our lips meet for a kiss. She tugs my shirt up a little, so I stand back and pull it off, then I’m right back to kissing her again. Cupping her face in my hand, I slide my tongue into her mouth and hum when I taste hers, then I pull her shorts off. She kisses my forehead and cheek as I help her get her underwear off, then she lays back and spreads her legs as I dive between them. I immediately dip my tongue deep into her pussy to get a good taste, then I suck on her clit as she squirms a little.
“Shit, yeah, keep doing that.” she whimpers, then she reaches down to tug my hair a little, “Oh, fuck!”
I reach down to pull my pants and boxers off, then I stroke myself as I continue to eat her out. I kiss along her thighs as she sits up and breathes heavily, then she watches as I scoot her closer. She reaches forward and takes me into her hand, stroking me a few times, then she positions me between her legs and looks at me as I slide in deep. My eyes roll shut when I feel her wet and warm for me, and I reach up and kiss her as I slowly thrust my hips.
“Wait…” she whispers to me, then she hops off the counter and leans over. I slide back between her legs and put my hand over her mouth since I know she’s going to moan loudly, and I smile when she does. “Oh, shit.”
“Ah, fuck…” I laugh quietly, “I’m never gonna last.”
Y/N chuckles a little as she looks over her shoulder at me, “I know.”
Placing my hands on her waist, I pull her down onto me harder and faster as we both pant loudly, and she puts her head down and moans against the granite countertop. She clings the side of it as I roll my hips, then she reaches back and places her hand on my stomach.
“Slow down…” she whispers, then she leans up a little, “Let me feel every inch of you.”
I lean over her back as I slowly slide in and out of her wet pussy, then I reach up and slide my finger into her mouth as we both moan. She sucks on my middle finger as I fuck her slowly, then she squeezes her eyes shut and nods for me to pick up the pace. I jerk my hips faster and harder knocking the breath out of her every time, then I lean down and suck on her neck before moving up to the spot behind her ear that always drives her crazy.
“John,” she moans softly, reaching back to place her hand on the back of my neck to pull me closer, then she moans when I begin rubbing circles on her clit, “Keep going, keep fucking me, don’t stop!”
Panting against her shoulder, I grip her sides tighter as she moans, then I let out a small laugh when I feel her rolling her hips to ride out her orgasm and letting out a string of moans, curse words, and my name.
“Oh shit, John, oh fuck…” she moans, then she leans over the counter and looks back at me as I stand up and fuck her harder to bring on my orgasm. She closes her eyes and leans her head against the counter, and I look down to watch as I slide and out of her wet pussy.
“Shit…” I whisper quietly, then I grip her sides tight as I lean over her and groan loudly, spilling inside of her as I squeeze my eyes shut and see colors dancing between them. “Oh, fuck…”
Y/N leans over so she can see me, then she smiles as she tilts her head back to kiss me, “Thank you. I needed that.”
I laugh breathlessly as I nod, “I did too.”
Y/N moves from in front of me and grabs her shirt from the counter and grabs her shorts, then she walks away as I stand there with my pants around my ankles. I watch as she walks upstairs to our room, and I furrow my brow a little by her cold demeanor.
I pull my pants up and grab my shirt, then I head upstairs to see if she’ll talk to me. I watch her as she walks around the bedroom and throws her clothes into the laundry basket, then she opens the drawer and pulls out a nightgown to put on. I slouch a little when she walks into the bathroom to brush her teeth, and I sit down on the bed.
After a few minutes, Y/N comes out of the bathroom and smiles softly as she walks over to get into bed. I raise my eyebrows when she looks up at me, and she furrows her brow and laughs.
“Well…”
“What?” she laughs, grabbing lotion to rub into her hands.
I exhale a little as I pull my jeans off and toss them into the laundry basket along with my shirt, then I walk over to sit on Y/N’s side of the bed.
“What’s going on with you?” I ask as I reach for her hands, “Are you okay? Talk to me.”
Y/N looks up at me and sighs as she closes her eyes, “It’s stupid. Like, it’s seriously the dumbest thing ever. You’re going to laugh over how stupid it is.”
“It’s not stupid if it’s making you upset.” I say, and Y/N shrugs a little as she nods. “Talk to me.”
Y/N inhales deeply and sits up to take my hands, “I couldn’t sleep last night because I just kept having such bad…nightmares.”
“Like when you were pregnant?”
“Yeah,” she nods as she looks at me, “I’m obviously not pregnant, I’m on birth control again, but…yeah, they were bad nightmares.”
I look down at Y/N’s hand as I rub my thumb over her wedding ring, “Is that why you’ve been staring at me all day?”
“Well, that, and you’re just so handsome!” Y/N laughs as she shrugs, then she rolls her eyes, “It’s so dumb, I don’t even want to say it but I know you’ll be upset if I don’t say it--just like I would be if the roles were reversed.”
“Right…”
Y/N takes a deep breath and leans back against the headboard, “I had a few dreams last night, and one was like…we were together, but we lived in an apartment and it was late at night. You came home at like, 3 in the morning with pizza, and you were…wearing a suit, and you were sweaty and bloody. You came home, we ate, went to bed, and that was it. It was just us in this little one bedroom apartment in NYC. We had nothing. Almost like we moved around a lot or something, like we couldn’t ever stay in one place. It wasn’t scary, but it was kind of like a glimpse of what our life would be like had we gone in a different direction. I just woke up and felt…sad and empty, and I can’t explain why.”
“You were sad because that’s a terrible life. Who the hell would want that life?” I laugh, and Y/N shrugs as she looks at me, “That’s certainly not a life that I would want for me or for you, especially not for you. The moment I realized how important you were to me, which was fairly quickly, that was the moment I realized that that old life wasn’t the one I wanted anymore. I want this life. I want to sit on the couch and do nothing with you, which we’re very good at. I want to go swimming with my girls, go see beautiful flowers, and surprise my babies with things. I want to raise my children with the love of my life, and I can’t really do that when I have a gun in my hand and I’m constantly leaving home, now can I?”
Y/N bites her cheek as she nods, “Right.”
“I also think you were sad because in this nightmare of yours, what’s the one thing we didn’t have that we can’t live without?” I say, and she looks at me, furrowing her brow, “Ronan Charlotte.”
She laughs as she nods her head, “God, I can’t imagine our life without her, John. She is the most precious thing to me. You and her are so fucking important to me. If I lost you or her--”
“I’m not leaving,” I whisper as I cup her face, and she nods again. “Was that your only nightmare?”
“I had another one where you cheated on me with someone at the shop.” she says quickly, and I furrow my brow and laugh. “I know! I know how stupid it is. I can’t control my brain when I’m asleep, Jonathan!”
I shake my head as I lean over to kiss her a few times, “I love you, but sometimes your brain is…”
“Dumb! I know!” she laughs, then she shakes her head and looks at me, “I know it won’t happen, so don’t even prepare your speech.”
Putting my hands up in defense, I laugh, “Okay, fine.”
“It isn’t anything you do or don’t do, okay?” she says, and I nod. “It’s not our relationship, it’s not how you treat me, it’s not you at all. I promise. It’s...it’s me. It’s my past, and it’s not fair to you. It’s not fair that I can’t get those thoughts out of my head and you end up thinking you’re not doing a good job at loving me. I promise you, John, I know that you love me, and I know that you love the life that we have. I know you’re not going to stray or find someone else.”
I reach over and wipe away the tear on her cheek, “There is no one else. There’s only you. Only you are on my radar.”
Y/N smiles softly as she leans into the palm of my head, “It’s unfair to you because you say shit like that.”
“I’d never leave.” I whisper as I move closer to her, “I’m not leaving. No matter what. Not unless you scream in my face that you hate me.”
“I would never do that,” Y/N sniffles as she leans up to cup my face and kiss me, “I love you more than I can put into words.”
I wrap my arms around Y/N and hug her tight, then I lean back and look at her, “I know that this is all because of your ex. I know that. Every now and again, you worry about things that aren’t going to happen because someone has made you paranoid and made you feel like you don’t deserve the life that we have. I’m the same way. For a different reason. But I’m the same way.”
“I don’t want you to get sick of me when I ask for a little reassurance,” she whispers holding my gaze, “Because I should know how you feel, but sometimes I need more reassurance than usual and you’re always there to give it to me, but I don’t want you to get sick of it.”
I let out a small laugh, “You think I’m going to get sick of telling you how much I love you and adore you? We’ve been together for almost three years, and I tell you every day. I will never get sick of it. I love telling you those things because I love you and I want to make you happy. You do the same for me. When I’m getting in my head about things, you pull me back to where I need to be: here.”
“I feel safe and secure with you, which is why I turn to you when I need a little reassurance. I have some self-doubt, I know you do too, and it bottles up over time no matter how well we love one another.” she says, and I nod my head in agreement. “And when it gets too overwhelming for me to handle, it spills over, and that’s when I come to you. Thank you for always being so patient and understanding, I know it can be difficult.”
“Loving you has never been difficult--nothing about you is difficult.” I smile at her, and she tilts her head a little as she tears up, “I was made to love you. I was wired perfectly to love you. And the way your heart was perfectly crafted to be so loving and understanding of me, it’s obvious that you were made to love me too.”
Y/N looks up at me with tears in her eyes, and they spill out when she blinks. She sits up and kneels on the bed as we kiss, then she pulls me down on top of her. She sniffles a little as I hover just above her lips, and she smiles a little as she nods.
“I love you.” I whisper to her, watching a tear slide down her cheek, “I love you, and that will never change.”
“I love you too.” she whispers back, then she lifts her nightgown a little as I pull my cock free from my boxers. She gasps as I slide between her legs, then she clings to me, her body shaking a little from the pressure of me between her legs, “I love you.”
I smooth Y/N’s hair away from her face as I hold her gaze, then I lean down to kiss her softly as I roll my hips, “The love of my life.”
“Love of my life,” she whispers, then she closes her eyes and clings to me as I lean down to make love to her.
__
As I walk past the laundry room, I see Ronan sitting at Y/N’s feet as she puts in a load of dirty clothes. Ronan pulls herself up on Y/N’s leg and squeals when she turns around and sees me kneeling down to take her. She walks over to me as she wobbles a little, then she reaches up. I pick her up and toss her in the air, then I kiss her cheek and walk over to kiss Y/N.
“This is the last load, and we’re officially done with laundry.” she says as she looks over to kiss me, “I think we’ve washed everything in the house.”
I laugh, nodding my head, “I did about 5 loads of clothes yesterday. I didn’t realize we had so many clothes.”
“Imagine what it’ll be like with another baby,” she laughs, then she leans over and tickles Ronan’s tummy as she talks in her mom-voice, “Lots of socks and poopy pants, and that’s just because of your dad!”
“Hey,” I laugh as she looks up at me, “I’ll have you know, I haven’t pooped my pants in weeks!”
Y/N laughs as she nods, “Ah, the potty training paid off, Ro!”
I reach out for Y/N’s hand after she shuts the washing machine and turns it on, then I walk with my girls to the living room. I set Ronan down on the floor near her toys, then I sit down on the couch with Y/N and wrap my arm around her shoulder to hold her.
“Thanks for last night,” she whispers, and I smile as I lean down to kiss her. “I slept really well and didn’t have any nightmares.”
“Good,” I smile, and she leans closer to me to rest her head on my shoulder, “I should run to the store in a bit, huh?”
Y/N looks up at me and nods, “My parents are coming around 5, and who knows when Tess will show up.”
“I’ll go in a bit then. I got a few hours to just relax with my girls. Oh, wait…” I lean down to kiss her again, then I get up to grab the bag from the kitchen, “I forgot that I got you girls something yesterday.”
“Ro…” Y/N calls out and claps her hands to get Ronan to come over to her, and she pulls herself up and toddles over.
I hand the bag to Y/N and smile as she leans down and opens it with Ronan, then I laugh when Ronan grabs out the pig stuffed animal and waves it around in the air as she squeals.
“Do you like it?” I ask, and Ronan immediately chews on the ear, “Yup, figured it would be in her mouth within two minutes.”
“Babies.” Y/N laughs, then she looks down at the bag when I gesture to it. She opens the bag again and reaches in for a journal that I saw and thought she’d like. Y/N looks up at me and smiles, “This is beautiful.”
I smile as I lean over to look at it, “It just came in yesterday, same with the little pig, but I saw them and thought my girls deserved a little gift. Ro has her stuffed pig now, and you can use this journal for whatever you want.”
“How about some sweet love notes between me and my husband?” she asks, and I nod my head and smile at her. “We already filled up the other one.”
“Sounds like a good idea.” I smile, then I lean over to kiss her.
Ronan walks over to us with her pig and puts in on my leg, then she reaches up. I pick her up and set her between Y/N and I, and she smiles, drool covering her chin.
“Think she’ll be up all night?”
“Oh, absolutely.” Y/N laughs, then she looks at me, “But we’re Team Wick and we can handle it, can’t we?”
I reach over and tousle her hair, “Of course we can. We’re a team.”
“As long as I got you…”
“You always got me,” I whisper to her, and she smiles, “And you always have Ro too. We’re not going anywhere.”
Y/N smiles as she looks at me, then she leans over and kisses me, “And neither am I.”
__
tagslist: @sakurachan-9​​ @ruby-octo​ @angie-20000 @beingnerdyissupercool​ @star017​ @perrysglasses​ @volcasaurus
is this the taglist? idk. let me know if u want to be added or removed!!
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whetstonefires · 2 years ago
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hey I was the one who asked about ao3 I'm sorry if the question came off as odd, I love your takes on mdzs and was wondering if you ever wrote any fics because you have really great diction on your posts and I thought 'This person could make really great fics' so I thought id ask, that's all
it's fine! lmao it just really looked like i was potentially getting set up for some weird anon hate game.
thank you! and the answer is i do have an AO3--i used to link it here a lot--but it's only got two mdzs fics on it. despite my having struggled to focus on any fandom besides mdzs for like two years.
because what happened when i got stuck in this fandom like a suction cup directly to the brain is, i wound up reading a lot more smut than i usually tolerate, because of the nature of the novel and how their relationships with sex are meaningfully integrated with their characterization and development as people and relative to one another. so a lot of the smut in this fandom has substance in a way i care about.
and my writing always reflects my reading material in a 'ooh i could do that like this' kinda way, so i started generating my own fic concepts with a sex element that i wanted to explore.
and then i got really invested in this new form and its tricks and affordances, so the only fics in this fandom i've actually been finishing are E-rated, because i'm inspired by the learning process.
(also because it turns out this shit is so easy to write, like you can cheap out on so many structural and narrative elements if you put sex in there, i'm so mad about this still. cheap!!!)
and having finished them i want to share, you know?
so i got a different ao3 for that, since mostly i like and write gen stuff, and i didn't wish to subject my existing subscribers to my learning to porn. i'm not sharing it here though, sorry, because everyone i've shared it with (upon request) has been weird about it.
the fic isn't even particularly outre! i'm remixing stuff that's done a lot in the fandom, according to my own artistic sensibilities! i do not know what the Weird is and what private conclusions are being made about me as a person on the basis of my very ace sex pollen remixes and shit. but it makes me anxious so i will Not be doing it anymore.
anyway as a reward or something for the guts to come back with your name out and take another shot and for the compliments <3, which of these not-sexy mdzs fic concepts do you vote i thwack into a postable form over the next month or so, and put on my main?
post-canon wwx gets amnesia back to the yiling laozu in burial mounds era and his current life explained very badly by lan jingyi, and concludes the lan have coerced him into a very creepy situation
funny wangxian modern au incorporating the height thing i was talking about earlier this week, where the main plot is ripped off from an autobiographical anecdote the singer told at a concert i went to and i was like, this would make a great one of those modern aus people keep writing. oh no now i want to.
time travel fixit outside pov, where wwx and wen ning get physically catapulted back from the qiongqi pass to before the war, and go and intervene just before lotus pier can be destroyed, wearing a mask and spooky cloak so no one will know the yiling laozu is wei wuxian (and a weimao so no one notices the ghost general is wen ning but let's be real that was less likely to happen for several reasons)
thing where the misunderstandings go off in a different direction early on, and wwx thinks lan wangji and mo xuanyu were actually an item and his impersonation has been tragically successful. very funny dramatic irony concept that is in execution going to be like 70% angst. some of it very funny angst though. (this one is the least developed because it doesn't really suggest its own plot.)
find what already exists at Kieron_ODuibhir lmao.
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butch-blu-scout · 2 years ago
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Writing prompt- pyro dies and engineer uses a robot pyro as a guess one could say fill in due to despair and grief
Ship- Texas toast (pyro x engineer)
that's literally so sad, of course i'll write it ^-^ also I'm sorry this took so long, recovery is a pain in the ass lmao.
WARNINGS FOR: Angst, grief, unhealthy coping mechanisms (if there are more I need to add please don't be afraid to let me know)
Hopeless.
That was the best way to describe how Engineer felt after losing Pyro. The love of his life, his little firefly.
Everything felt completely and utterly hopeless.
Like every happy emotion or thought or memory had been torn from him with Pyro's death. Worst part is he hadn't even gotten a chance to say goodbye.
Pyro's death had been sudden. A respawn failure that caused a several week furlough, to make sure no one else would have the same error. By the time the systems were up and running again it had been far too late.
What was supposed to be two weeks of fixing respawn became three weeks for grieving. Then four. Then five weeks of matches forfeited because Engineer simply could not fight. Hell he could hardly manage to get out of bed to eat, much less pick up his wrench and head into battle.
So he stayed there in his workshop, feeling as if the entire world had disintegrated. Had left him completely and utterly hopeless.
Until an idea had struck.
Suddenly he could no longer lay stationary. Engineer had to get up he had to move he had to do something and everything he could. He went around his workshop, picking up every half-finished project and dismantling it. Grabbing every piece of scrap metal and plastic he could gather and getting to work. He didn't bother with a blueprint, he knew what he needed to make. Every aspect of the design was laid out in his mind. Every minute programming detail, every bend and curve of metal. It was all there and Engineer wasn't going to waste time.
He was getting his firefly back.
By the time he was finished Engineer wasn't exactly sure how much time had passed. Occasionally someone would drop off a sandwich by the door, but that was the only way he really knew time had passed. But he hadn't stopped once until they were done.
His Pyro.
Sat in front of Engineer was a robot, but Engie wouldn't call them that. He flicked a switch, causing a few gears to whirl, bringing Pyro back to life.
"Heya Firefly, how've you been? I missed you."
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catspinach · 1 year ago
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ive been meaning to vent on here about work for a long time now so here
i was hired in as a shift supervisor at a brand new starbucks with all brand new employees aside from another supervisor, Mylah, who is a 4yr partner(remember her), and maybe 2 others or so. none of us knew what we were doing. i was barista trained separately from the rest, followed by supervisor training, and then a week off. I came back and had no idea what the hell i was doing, and everyone was mad that i didnt know what to do??
Mylah trained me, and it was brutal. She would critique everything i did, and I always defended myself, saying "why do i need to do it that way if this way gets the same results?" and she did Not like that lmao and the entire training was incredibly tense.
Months pass, and she is worse than ever. she's had several lectures about her behavior but not a single writeup. Nothing has changed. She trained a new supervisor a few weeks ago, and she treated her the same way as she did with me. At some point she slammed a freezer and started shouting, making her cry, and Everyone in lobby turned their heads. i felt awful and wanted to say smth, but I'm genuinely scared of her. Everyone is. Several people have admitted to me that they call off when they see Mylah on the schedule.
The other day, the lobby was empty, and we were free to talk about all the harassment we've faced with her. I cant even remember all of it there's so much but uh here's a list of stuff i remember:
My manager gave Jenn some extra hours, and when they came in, Mylah cornered them, asking why they stole all her hours?? Jenn was comfused because they were literally just added to the schedule so that they would have enough bodies on the floor. Apparently Mylah was pissy at them for the entire rest of their shift, which sucks bc they were already working 12hrs that day:'(
I became friends with a barista named Diana, who is hispanic, and Mylah (white) would always say rude things that made her uncomfortable, saying its okay because her bf is mexican ._. It became a problem and eventually Mylah started looking through all her stuff to get her fired, and succeeded. Diana told me that Mylah would joke with the other baristas about how im stupid and bad at my job, and she said she always stood up for me which definitely did not help her with this whole situation but I greatly appreciate her for it, and we still talk!
Anna said Mylah was talking to her about me and how i do my job wrong. she said i don't face the bills the same way in the deposit bag, and that I dont fill in the money order right so I'm the reason we have so many goddamn nickles, and she said I don't double count the drawers and that's why there's so many mistakes with the deposit. the funny thing is, i DO face the bills the same way, I have never even DONE a money order because that's morning's job, I TRIPLE count the drawers bc i have anxiety, and nobody has EVER said anything to me about the deposit being off.
At some point someone said ret*rded, and Mylah is autistic and was rightfully mad, and brought her to the back to yell at her. not sure what she said but when she came back she went up to me, and only me, and apologized. so like that really hurted but okay whatever ill just go kill myself ig
Mylah was opening one day and told Morgan that since I was closing that it would probably take longer than usual to close? I asked Morgan how Mylah was with closing, and she said that nothing gets done until the absolute last minute, and it takes at least half an hour to finish closing. My record is 2 minutes past close.
Jenn and Taylor told me that I'm their favorite out of all of the shifts, because I make sure to get everything done, I am fast, efficient, and if they have a question I will do my best to figure out a solution for them. Apparently, when they ask Mylah a question, she answers with, "I dont know man, I just work here" and walks away. which like. mood. but she's getting paid 20/hr compared to the baristas at 15/hr, and there is absolutely no reason that the baristas should have to pick up her slack.
Anna used to be friends with Mylah, and they went to get piercings together, and Mylah thought it would be super funny to snapchat Anna having a panic attack about the needle! outside of work, but still fucked up
theres more idk
Mylah got it in my head that I'm the worst of all of the supervisors, and when I found out I was almost all the baristas' favorite, I started visibly shaking with relief! Ive been trying so so hard to make up for how "bad" i am at my job in fear that everyone will hate me otherwise, and now I gind this out and I don't know how to handle this information jdgdheb
I asked them if they would like to talk to the manager as a group, hoping that will show her just how serious the situation is. I don't usually pray for someone to get fired, but I want her ass permanently out of my sight asap
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kaeyachi · 2 years ago
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What do you do in architecture?
oh! i can answer this one quickly before i go back to work! Thank you for the ask!!
Are you perhaps considering becoming an architect as well? Let me tell you first that Alhaitham's criticism of us doing so much work just to put a smile on our client's faces hurt so much because he was right (I was fuming with Kaveh at that moment lmao).
I'd honestly say that our job as architects, at the base of it, is to design structures or spaces that fit the user/s needs and/or wants.
Majority of us do a bidding phase where we offer designs to our clients for them to emotionally destroy us tell us the changes they want until we reach a final design.
Afterwards, that depends on the kind of Architecture firm you own or work at(some only do design and get paid for it. Others can continue towards the construction phase along with the help of people in the engineering field)
I personally work in a construction firm (the biggest in my country which i wished i were proud of, but I'm fairly sure the amount of stress and fatigue is never worth the prestige I get for working here lmao. Cant quit though *sobs*). We do basically everything from start to finish (and I work 6 days a week for 9 hours daily so tbh how am I still coping).
As for other kinds of architecture (if the usual job isnt your thing), some dabble into historical structures and study the history, how ancient to old structures were created, and ways to do proper reconstruction, restoration, or renovation (all 3 have different meanings to us) said old structures.
Another type are those that actually have focuses like acoustics or landscaping for example. They will only design specified places and get paid for the design of said spaces (these people are specifically hired for their expertise most of the time)
And there are others that absolutely loathe the usual jobs and end up becoming furniture designers (we studied this in passing where im from) or fashion designers (weve technically also studied this somewhat in passing?) and somehow, several peers of mine have become pastry chefs? (i guess there is technically some architecture involved in pastries...)
Honestly, there are multiple routes you could take once you get the undergraduate done... but that's a very lengthy discussion, and I think I've been typing for long enough? Even if I wanted to discuss every single one (they're very interesting to me), I don't think I should do it as an answer in tumblr hahaha (I might make one for my peers though hmm...)
IF YOU DO WANT TO GET INTO ARCHITECTURE DON'T LET MY RANTS STOP YOU FROM TRYING THOUGH. You won't know you like or hate it if you don't try...just expect sleepless nights to reach deadlines (the worst I've done is just a cute 52 hours lmao). I've definitely gotten an even worse experience thanks to my adhd :(
I want everyone to know that I will be a Kaveh haver someday. I will get my anxious architect character and no one can stop me.
If any of you want clarifications or more information, do not hesitate to ask! I'm still passionate about my field- it does feel very fulfilling- I just hate the place I work at lol.
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