#I was afraid I might never post it at all if I didn't force myself to quit rewriting it

[th3mrskory]

Unspoken Desires

Pairing: fem!Reader x Old Man!Logan

Warning: 18+ MDNI, SMUT,explicit language, coercion (if you squint), oral (male/female receiving), handjob, fingering, unprotected p in v, missionary, doggy style, anal play, creampie.

Summary: Y/N is always the one taking care of everyone, but tonight Logan decides it’s her turn to let go. Rough, tender, and unapologetically intense, he’ll make sure she doesn’t forget who’s in charge—or how good it feels to be taken care of for once.

Word count: 5.6k

A/N: As @coocoocachewgotscrewed so brilliantly put it, 'As the girl that takes care of everyone: SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF ME.' And that’s how this little fic came to life.

© th3mrskory. don’t copy, translate, or use my works in any form with AI, ChatGPT or any other automated tools. I only share my stories here, so if you see them posted elsewhere, i’d appreciate it if you let me know.

The world had never been kind to her softness. In her youth, she'd learned early that the only way to survive was to take up space, to become a force others couldn't ignore, even if they didn't understand it. She had built walls from the ground up, stone by stone until they formed a fortress no one could breach. She had everything together—mostly. She had to. People depended on her and needed her strength to carry them through the chaos of life, so she did. She carried it all. Always.

But there were moments—quiet moments, when the world was still—when the weight of it all pressed against her chest, relentless. The loneliness in her veins. The unspoken ache buried deep within her ribs.

She never asked for help. She didn't need it. Her hands were too used to giving. And when she laughed, when she made jokes about being single—"Men want to be babied. I don't have time to raise a child."—it was easier to mask the truth. It was easier to hide the hunger that lingered beneath her words. The hunger for something she couldn't name, something too soft to fit into the life she'd built.

It was supposed to be just another day, another task, another moment in the long string of motions she went through without thought. But then she saw him—Logan, standing there with that quiet, raw strength of his. The way he didn't try to impress anyone, didn't need to, because the power in him was as much in his silence as it was in his actions. There was no pretense. No façade.

And she hated that it drew her in. 

She hated how much she wanted him—him, the one man who wouldn't cower in her presence, the one who wouldn't need her to be anything other than exactly what she was.

She noticed him more these days, more than she cared to admit. She tried to bury the thoughts, to ignore the way her heart would quicken whenever he was near, the way her body seemed to ache for something it didn't know how to name.

Logan saw it, though. He always did. The way she wore that strength-like armor. But he'd spent enough time with it to know what armor looked like—he knew what it meant to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and never let anyone see how heavy it was.

He didn't pity her. Hell, he admired her more than anyone he'd ever known. But he saw the cracks. The storm churned behind her eyes. The way she pulled away just when things might have gotten too real, too close. 

She never let anyone in.

But he wasn't afraid of it. Not of her. Not of that ferocity.

And so, on that night, after a thousand little things had piled up until there was no room left for her to breathe, it came out.

Her words were sharp, and cutting, but they were the truth. The raw, jagged truth that she never allowed to be spoken. She was tired of pretending. Tired of holding the world together when no one saw her crumble beneath it.

"What, you think I don't need help? You think I like doing everything myself?" Her voice trembled only slightly, a crack in the fortress that she had so carefully built.

He didn't flinch. Didn't back away. He'd seen that wall before, and he didn't fear it.

He only stepped closer, his presence as solid as the ground beneath them.

"I think you're too damn stubborn to ask for it," he said, his voice low, but the understanding in it was enough to make her heart catch in her throat.

For a moment, the world paused. The storm inside her stilled, and she saw it—really saw it for the first time. He wasn't afraid of her strength. He didn't want to tear it down. He just wanted to be there, beside her, when it all became too much to bear.

He didn't need to fix her. He didn't need to save her.

He just needed to let her be.

Let her lean into him. Let her rest.

Her breath caught as she stepped toward him, her hands trembling, unsure but desperate. For once, she wasn't the one giving. For once, she could be held, could be taken care of. 

Logan's hands were steady, as they always were, but now, they weren't just offering strength. They were offering safety—something she hadn't realized she'd been searching for all along. 

"Hey," he whispered, his voice low, soothing. "You don't have to be strong all the time. You're allowed to let it out." 

The words broke something inside her. Heat prickled behind her eyes, and her chest heaved with the weight of everything she'd kept buried. 

Logan didn't move. He didn't push. He just let her cry, his hand resting firm and comforting on her back, his presence solid as the ground beneath her. 

"Y/N..." His voice was softer now, laced with something she couldn't quite place. Gently, his hands cupped her face, his thumbs brushing away her tears with a tenderness that made her knees weak. 

"You don't have to carry it all, bub. Let me in, just this once." 

Her hands shook as she pressed them to his chest, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath her fingertips. Grounding her. And when she rubbed her cheek against his palm, the motion instinctive, something inside her gave way. 

Her eyes fell to his lips. The urge to kiss him became impossible to ignore. 

He leaned down, brushing his lips against her forehead, but then he paused, his gaze locking with hers. 

She couldn't stop herself. She leaned in, kissing him hard, desperate for the release, the comfort, the closeness. It was a kiss that broke everything wide open—a kiss that held the weight of everything they'd both been holding back. 

The kiss deepened, the world narrowing to the warmth of his lips and the solid strength of his hands still cradling her face. She felt the tension in her chest unravel, replaced by a need that clawed at her, desperate and all-consuming.

Logan didn't rush. He never did. His hands slid down, slow and deliberate, tracing over her arms until his fingers wrapped around her wrists. He pulled back just enough to meet her eyes, his breath hot against her lips.

"No walls. No fightin'. Just let me.", he murmured, his voice gravelly and sure, sending a shiver down her spine. The words hit her like a hammer, shattering the last of her defenses. She wasn't used to this, wasn't used to handing over the reins, but with Logan, it felt...safe. Right.

Her pulse thundered as she nodded, the tiniest of movements, but it was enough for him.

Logan's lips curved into a faint, knowing smile before he kissed her again, deeper this time, his hands guiding hers up and over her head. Her fingers curled instinctively as he pinned her wrists against the wall behind her, the roughness of the surface contrasting with the gentleness of his touch.

"Just let me make you feel good," he said, his voice low and commanding. She exhaled shakily, her head tilting back as his mouth moved to her neck, teeth scraping lightly against her skin before his tongue soothed the spot. Her body arched into him, her hips pressing forward, seeking more, needing more.

"Logan..." Her voice was barely above a whisper, a plea wrapped in the sound of his name.

He hummed against her throat, one hand still holding her wrists in place while the other traveled down her side, his fingers skimming over the curve of her hip. "That's it," he rumbled. "Let me hear you."

Each touch, each kiss, stripped away the layers she'd built to protect herself. She wasn't in control anymore—not of her body, not of her mind, not of the way she melted beneath him. And for once, she didn't care.

Logan moved with a precision that left her breathless, his hand slipping beneath her shirt, rough fingertips tracing the softness of her skin. He paused just below her ribs, his eyes flicking up to hers.

"Say it, darlin'," he coaxed. "Say you'll let me have you."

Her lips parted, the words tumbling out before she could stop them. "I'm yours."

And that was all it took.

His hands, calloused and strong, gripped her thighs, hoisting her up with an ease that sent a shiver racing down her spine. She gasped, clinging to his shoulders as her body pressed tightly against his.

"Where's your bedroom?" he growled against her ear, his voice low, gravelly, and filled with the kind of raw command that made her knees weak, though she wasn't even standing.

"End of the hall," she whispered, the words trembling out of her as his teeth grazed her earlobe, a low hum rumbling deep in his chest.

"Good girl," he murmured, the praise almost too rough to feel soft, and yet it sent heat pooling low in her stomach.

He moved through her place with purposeful strides, each step a reminder of the strength coiled in his body. She felt the steady rhythm of his breathing against her chest, the way his arms tightened around her as if he dared anything or anyone to take her from him.

When they reached her bedroom, Logan kicked the door open without hesitation, the force behind it making it swing back against the wall. The dim light from the hallway framed his silhouette—broad shoulders, wild hair, and eyes that burned as he looked down at her.

The room felt smaller with him in it, his presence overwhelming, and consuming. He didn't glance around, didn't make a single remark. His focus was entirely on her as if the world beyond her didn't exist.

"On the bed," he rasped, his voice cutting through the thick silence.

Before she could even process his words, he was lowering her onto the mattress, her back meeting the cool sheets as his hands lingered, pressing her down as he needed her to stay right where she was.

"Logan—"

"Quiet." The single word was sharp and commanding, and it sent a jolt of heat through her.

His eyes roved over her, dark and smoldering, drinking her in as though he was committing every inch of her to memory. One knee pressed into the mattress beside her, his weight shifting as he leaned closer, his hands bracketing her head.

"Spent your whole damn life holdin' everything together," he muttered his tone a mix of frustration and something darker. "Not tonight. Tonight, you're mine."

Her lips parted, but no sound came out, just a sharp intake of breath as he tilted her chin up with his thumb, forcing her to meet his gaze.

"I'm not askin', darlin'." His voice dropped to a growl, sending a shudder down her spine.

Her heart thundered in her chest as his lips claimed hers again, rough and unrelenting, his teeth nipping at her bottom lip just enough to make her gasp. The sound made his grip tighten, his hands sliding down her sides slowly as if savoring the way her body responded to him.

"You don't have to be strong tonight," he murmured against her lips, his voice softer now, though no less commanding. "Let me carry it. Let me carry you."

Her resolve cracked beneath the weight of his words, her body trembling as her hands found his chest, fingers curling into the fabric of his dress shirt. For once, she didn't fight. She didn't resist.

She just let go.

Logan's eyes never left hers as he straightened, standing tall above her. His hands were steady as he reached for the hem of her shirt. The air between them felt charged, and heavy, like the moment before a storm.

"Arms up," he commanded, his voice low and rough, leaving no room for hesitation.

She obeyed without a word, raising her arms as he gripped the fabric, his knuckles brushing against her sides. He pulled the shirt up slowly, dragging the material over her skin with a sensuality that made her shiver. The shirt caught for a moment, tangled in her hair, and Logan let out a low chuckle, dark and throaty.

"Relax," he muttered, his voice softer now as he freed her, his fingers lingering against her temple, brushing stray strands away from her face.

The shirt dropped to the floor with a quiet rustle, forgotten the second it left his hand. His gaze roamed over her now-bare skin, unhurried and scorching, like he wanted to memorize every curve, every scar, every inch of her that she'd never let anyone else see.

"You're beautiful," he said, the words rough and quiet as if they weren't meant for her to hear, but they landed with the force of a confession.

Her cheeks burned under his scrutiny, but there was no hiding from him. He stepped closer, his hands moving to the waistband of her jeans. His fingers brushed her skin, calloused and warm, and she bit back a gasp as he popped the button with ease.

"Look at me," he ordered, his tone low but firm.

Her eyes met his, and the intensity in his gaze made her breath hitch. He was utterly focused as if she were the only thing that mattered in the world. Slowly, he slid the zipper down, the sound loud in the quiet room.

"Lift your hips," he murmured, his hands curling around the waistband, tugging the denim down with maddening slowness.

She shifted, doing as he asked, and he peeled the jeans away, dragging them down her legs. His fingers brushed her calves, and her ankles before the fabric joined her shirt on the floor. The air felt colder now, her skin hypersensitive to every little movement, every little touch.

Logan's eyes raked over her, his expression dark and unreadable. Then he reached out, his hands gripping her ankles, his thumbs running along the delicate bone there. He tugged her toward him, pulling her to the edge of the bed with a strength that made her stomach flip.

"You have no idea what you do to me," he growled, his voice ragged, laced with something almost feral.

Her heart raced as he leaned down, his fingers hooking into the thin straps of her bra, sliding them off her shoulders with an aching slowness. The straps fell away, his knuckles grazing her skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

"You don't need this," he murmured, his lips brushing the curve of her collarbone as he reached behind her, unhooking the clasp with a practiced ease.

The bra slipped from her body, and Logan let it fall without a glance, his hands already returning to her, tracing a path down her sides. His palms were warm, rough in the best way, and they left trails of fire wherever they touched.

"Every inch of you," he whispered, his lips ghosting over her skin as his hands slid lower. "Mine."

Her breath hitched, her body arching toward him instinctively, surrendering completely to his touch.

Logan's hands paused at her hips, his fingers slipping under the thin elastic of her panties. His gaze flicked up to hers, holding her there with an intensity that made her pulse thunder in her ears.

She nodded, her voice failing her, but it didn't matter. Logan saw everything he needed in her eyes.

With one smooth motion, he slid the last barrier from her body, baring her completely to him. He stood there for a moment, his gaze raking over her with a hunger that made her shiver.

"Perfect," he muttered, more to himself than to her, before leaning down, his lips brushing against her ear.

"Now let me show you what it means to let go."

Logan knelt between her legs, his hands on her knees, gently parting them as he moved with calm, deliberate intent. She froze for a second, a wave of embarrassment washing over her as she realized she hadn't shaved. Her gaze quickly flicked away, her cheeks flushing with the sudden vulnerability she felt.

But Logan noticed. He looked at her with a reassuring, almost amused smirk, his eyes flickering down her body before meeting hers again.

"Don't," he murmured, his voice low and soothing as he pressed a thumb along her inner thigh. "I like it just like this."

Her breath hitched at his words, the tension in her body slowly melting under his touch.

He lowered himself slowly, nuzzling his face against her inner thighs, placing soft, teasing kisses along their expanse. His right hand moved to her center, and he leaned in, pressing a kiss to her sensitive bud. His middle and ring fingers slid over her hole, collecting her wetness, and spreading it across her labia.

"She's drooling for me," he murmured as his fingers slowly began to push inside, allowing her to adjust to the stretch. He kept his gaze fixed on her face, watching her pleasure as his fingers began to pump in and out, each movement deliberate and slow.

His fingers continued their rhythmic motion, working in tandem with his mouth. He moved his tongue over her clit, the tip flicking over the sensitive skin in a slow, teasing rhythm that made her body arch toward him. Her hands fisted the sheets beneath her, desperately trying to hold onto something as the heat of his touch seared into her.

"Logan... please," she gasped, her voice trembling, her hips pressing closer to his face.

Logan didn't stop. His tongue flicked faster now, tracing every curve, every inch of her, his mouth drinking in her arousal. She couldn't stop herself anymore; her back arched as her body responded to him, the tension building within her like a wave. "So good," she moaned, her voice breathy and desperate.

"You're so fucking beautiful," Logan murmured against her skin, his voice rough, thick with desire. He paused for a moment, lifting his head to look up at her. "I can feel you shaking. Let go."

She shuddered under his gaze, the command in his voice stripping away the last of her resistance. Her body wanted to obey, to give herself over completely to the sensations he was creating. "I can't... I need you, Logan," she pleaded, tangling her fingers in his hair, urging him back to her, wordlessly begging for more.

Logan smirked, his hands sliding down her sides, gripping her hips tightly as he pulled her closer to his mouth, continuing the rhythm with even more force, more hunger. Every lick, every flick of his tongue brought her closer to the edge.

He could feel the way her body tightened, the way her breath quickened. And then, without warning, his mouth pressed harder against her clit, his tongue moving with desperate speed as he drove her to the brink. She moaned loudly, her body shuddering as she reached the edge. "Logan... oh god," she cried out, completely surrendering to the pleasure.

As she caught her breath, her body still humming with the lingering sensation of his touch, a quiet yearning stirred within her. She sat up, her eyes locking onto his as she gently took his hand. Without a word, she brought his fingers to her lips, her eyes never leaving his. She traced them with her tongue, sucking them clean, savoring the taste of her arousal, before pulling back just a little.

"Dirty girl…" he said, his left hand cupping her cheek.

"I could be sucking something else", she said seductively.

He looked at her with an intensity that sent a shiver down her spine. "You don't have to," he murmured, his voice low, steady.

"I want to. Please."

Logan stood up slowly, keeping his eyes locked with hers. There was an intensity in his gaze, an unspoken challenge, and a silent invitation all at once.

She positioned herself on her knees before him. Her movements were deliberate, almost hypnotic, as her hands traced the strong lines of his shoulders, sliding down his chest, and over the hard muscles of his belly.

When her fingers reached his belt, she didn't hesitate. With a swift motion, she unbuckled it, the leather slipping free with an audible click before it fell to the floor. Her hands moved quickly to the button of his dress pants, flicking it open, and she slowly lowered the zipper.

She tugged at the hem of his shirt, pulling it free from his waistband. Her fingers, delicate yet determined, began to unbutton the shirt, one button at a time. Her gaze never left him, and the way her hands worked with such slow precision sent a wave of heat through his chest. The act was intimate, each button a whispered invitation.

Once the shirt was undone, she moved to the cuffs, gently opening them before pressing a soft kiss to the back of each of his hands. Logan closed his eyes briefly at the touch, the tenderness of it catching him off guard. His thumb stroked the curve of her cheek, the touch affectionate, reverent.

There was something magnetic about the way she undressed him—each movement slow and filled with purpose. Her eyes held a quiet hunger that mirrored his own, a silent language between them that made his pulse quicken.

He shrugged the shirt off his shoulders, letting it fall carelessly to the floor. She didn't waste a moment, pulling his pants and boxers down his legs in one smooth, fluid motion, letting them drop to the floor as he stepped out of the garment.

He stood there, bare in front of her. His body was exposed, but it wasn't the nudity that left him feeling vulnerable. It was the way his body didn't respond like it once had, the slow burn of frustration creeping in.

But that did not deter her. She braced herself on all fours, the movement full of quiet confidence. Leaning in, she began licking and gently sucking at his balls, the heat of her mouth sending a shiver through him. His breath hitched as her right hand took hold of his semi-hard dick, her touch light but teasing, coaxing him to respond. The softness of her lips, the pressure of her hand, stirred something deep inside him, and he could feel himself slowly hardening.

She licked a long stripe from his balls up to his tip, her mouth hot against his skin. The sudden surge of sensation had him grunting low, his hands instinctively finding their way into her hair, fingers curling into her locks as he pulled her closer.

"Fuck," Logan breathed, his voice low and rough, as his grip tightened on her hair, pulling her in deeper, the feeling of her mouth sending waves of heat through him. "Don't stop," he muttered.

Y/N could feel him growing heavier and thick in her mouth. She released his dick with a loud pop and with both hands began pumping it.

At the sight Logan closed his eyes and let his head fall back, the hold on her hair tightening. She took him in her mouth and, hollowing her cheeks, began taking him deeper.

She gagged around him when her nose reached the grey hairs on the base and pulled back coughing, a string of saliva connecting her to his member.

Y/N looked up and smiled mischievously seeing him fully erect.

Logan pushed her onto the bed, his hands firmly pinning her wrists to the mattress as he hovered over her. His eyes locked onto hers.

"You're trouble," he finally muttered, his voice deep and rough.

She smirked, but there was a glint of challenge in her eyes. "You don't seem to mind," she teased, her breath hitching as his gaze darkened with hunger.

His lips curved into a slow, predatory smile. Without warning, he moved, pinning her down more securely. "No, I don't," he growled, his voice low as he leaned in closer, brushing his lips over her neck.

Her breath quickened as she felt the weight of his body pressing against hers. She could feel the heat radiating off him, and despite herself, she arched up, meeting the intensity of his gaze. He was in control now, his hands steady as he guided her into place.

He took a breath, his lips brushing against her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. "You're going to beg for it," he whispered. His tone was rough, yet there was a subtle edge of something softer, almost possessive. "And I'll make sure you don't forget who's in charge."

She bit her lip, anticipating what he would do next.

Logan smiled darkly and kissed her again, his right hand traveling down her chest and grabbing her right breast, giving it a harsh squeeze.

He positioned himself between her legs, gripping his member at the base as he ran his tip along her sensitive center, teasing her with deliberate strokes from her clit to her entrance. Each motion made her hips twitch, her body responding instinctively to his touch.

Her moans filled the room, "Logan," she said breathlessly.

"Yes?"

She closed her legs around him pulling him closer. Logan laughed at her antics. Without breaking eye contact, he leaned back slightly, gathering spit in his mouth before letting it fall onto her, aiding his movement.

Her moans became desperate, almost broken, her hands clutching at his forearms. "Logan," she whimpered, her voice raw with need. "Please… I need you."

His smirk deepened as he held her gaze, the intensity in his eyes making her squirm beneath him. "I told you, you'd beg" he murmured, his voice low and rough.

Her chest heaved, her lips trembling with the words she couldn't seem to stop. "I'm yours, Logan. Please…"

One large hand moved to her throat, his palm pressing gently against her skin, holding her in place. His thumb traced the line of her jaw as his other hand gripped her thigh, pulling her even closer. "Mine," he growled, his tone possessive, claiming.

The pressure at her throat made her head swim, a strange mix of restraint and trust that sent a bolt of heat through her. She arched into his hold, her body surrendering completely.

"You like this, don't you?" he rasped, his lips brushing against hers but not quite touching. His voice was low and commanding, but there was a glint of something softer beneath it, a promise just out of reach.

Her breath hitched, and she let out a shaky moan, her hands clutching at his wrist. "Yes," she whispered, desperate and trembling.

His mouth curved into a wicked smirk as his hand shifted, loosening his hold just enough for her to feel the contrast. "Let me take care of you," he murmured, dragging his thumb along the curve of her jaw.

The words lingered in the air, heavy with intent but unspoken in full. His free hand slid down her body, fingers tracing her curves with a deliberateness that made her skin tingle.

She whimpered, her body responding to every calculated movement. "Logan..."

He leaned in, his lips ghosting over her ear. "Stop thinking. Just feel," he whispered, the edge of his voice rough yet grounding. "That's all I want from you tonight."

He shifted between her legs, his hands gripping her hips, lifting her with ease as he positioned himself. The heat of his body pressed against hers, and her heart thudded in her chest, anticipation coiling tightly in her core.

"Tell me if it's too much," he murmured, his voice a rough whisper.

She nodded, her breath hitching as she felt the tip of his member pressing against her entrance. With a slow, fluid motion, he eased himself inside, feeling the resistance of her body disappearing.

Y/N threw her head back, a low moan slipping from her lips as her body adjusted to his length, "Fuck," she breathed, unable to hide the raw need in her voice.

She bit her lip at the feeling of him twitching inside of her. Logan leaned forward, his tongue sliding down the side of her neck. He then moved to her breasts, attaching his mouth to one of her nipples and sucking. He released her nipple.

"Breathe," he whispered, his hand sliding up to rest on her waist, grounding her. "I've got you."

He straightened up, his body towering over hers, and braced his hand on the headboard as he drew his hips back, the feel of his withdrawal sending a shiver through her. She barely had time to adjust before he slammed back into her.

She was trembling beneath him, her nails digging into his shoulders as she tried to keep up with the brutal rhythm he set. Every time he pulled out, every time he pushed back in, the pressure inside her built, and she couldn't help but whimper.

He picked up the pace, his thrusts turning faster, more brutal, as he pushed into her with a hunger that matched the fire in her veins. Her hips moved to meet him, desperate for more, and he responded with a growl of approval, his hands tightening on her hips to anchor her in place as his rhythm grew harder, more punishing.

"Fuck Y/N."

She smiled at him.

"You like that, don't you?" Logan's voice was rough, and dark, as he pulled back slightly, only to push in even harder.

She couldn't stop herself from moaning, the sharpness of the sensation hitting her in waves.

"That's right," Logan growled, his grip on her hips like iron as he rocked into her with force.

Her body responded without thought, her legs wrapping tighter around his waist, pulling him deeper, faster as if she couldn't get enough. The sound of skin slapping echoed in the room, mixing with the desperate gasps coming from her lips.

Without warning, he shifted his position, his hands leaving her hips for a moment, only to slip under her and lift her body, pulling her into a new angle. She gasped, the sudden shift throwing her off balance, but Logan's grip on her was firm, and controlling, as he guided her back onto him.

Her back arched instinctively, the new position deepening their connection, and she moaned, her hands reaching for the headboard to brace herself. Logan's thrusts grew slower but deeper, more deliberate now, aimed to bring her right to the brink.

Logan's hand came down hard on her left asscheek jolting Y/N forward.

"Logan…" she gasped, her voice trembling with need.

He could hear it—the desperation in her voice, the way her body was bucking against his. He watched her face, her eyes closed tight, her lips parted in a silent plea for release. He wanted to hear her, wanted to feel her break under him.

He gave one last hard, deep thrust, then paused, letting the sensation build before pulling back almost completely. She whimpered, the loss of movement driving her crazy, and before she could protest, he repositioned again, this time bending her further back, his hands now holding her shoulders down as he ran his member between her asscheeks.

Her breath hitched as she looked back at him, over her shoulder, her eyes filled with raw desire.

Logan didn't wait any longer. He positioned himself behind her, his hands firmly gripping her hips as he pushed into her slowly at first, savoring the tight, intense heat that engulfed him. The change in angle sent a shockwave of pleasure through her, and she moaned, her hands clutching at the sheets in desperation.

"Fuck," Logan muttered, his voice low and full of grit as he began to move, his thrusts quick and forceful, each one pushing her further into the bed.

She gasped with each hard thrust, the pleasure taking over her senses, her body rocking in time with his. The deeper connection from this position sent waves of bliss coursing through her, and she pressed back into him, her hips meeting his with every thrust.

"Does this feel better?" Logan growled, his hands tightening on her hips, guiding her with raw intensity.

She could barely manage a breathless, "Yes, harder…"

His thrusts grew harder, faster, and relentless, pushing her toward the edge.

She couldn't hold back anymore, "Logan …I'm gonna…"

His strokes grew sloppier as he grabbed her neck, angling her face so he could kiss her.

Y/N's moans filled the room. The mixture of his hard thrusts and the slap of his balls on her ass pushed her over the edge as she began shaking.

Y/N fell forward, her face on the bed and her ass in the air. Logan didn't stop. His hands opened her asscheeks as he watched his thick, veiny member going in and out of her hole, creating a creamy ring at the base of his member.

The new angle allowed Logan to continuously hit her cervix. "Be a good girl, come on my dick."

Her hands fisted the sheets and Logan, with his thumb began circling her other hole. The new stimulation tipped Y/N over the edge as she came hard on his member.

Logan didn't stop. Didn't even slow down as he followed her, his movements like a force of nature, unyielding, as he pushed her through the waves of pleasure, every last inch of her shaking with the force of it.

Her mouth fell open as she felt him stilling and his release spilling inside of her.

"Fuck!", he said, throwing his head back.

He remained still for a moment but then pulled out when he felt his member softening. He sat on his knees admiring their joint releases dripping out of her spent hole.

"Jesus, that's a fucking sight.", his index finger reached collecting the release and pushing it back.

Y/N moaned and fell on her stomach. He removed his fingers and lay next to her.

"Did it help?", he asked playfully.

"Shut up Logan."

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© th3mrskory 2025 — all rights reserved.

[zshiftsrealities]

LETTING GO

i've talked about this a little bit in one of my other posts, but I realized this was a very important topic — especially for people like me out here, who might've had a hard time with this concept, and so I wanted to expand on it and give my own two cents.

the concept of "letting go" has been taught to most — if not all — of us by life long ago before any of us even found shifting. if you don't like a situation, "let it go". do your best, and "leave the rest and don't fixate on it". if someone you love doesn't respect you, "let them go". anything that doesn't serve you, "let it go". this is the one advice that got many of us through different situations. but everytime I ever came across a post saying "let go of your desire and watch it come to you", this quote always came to mind.

honestly, I couldn't for the love of God even think of letting go of shifting. I simply didn't want to. it felt like a betrayal to all the people I wanted to shift for, to myself, to my dreams — everything. I would think to myself "how do I not care if i'll shift or not? how do I not care about all these people in my dr I want to meet? I want to care. I have people I love, people I want to see, so how can I not care?", and it would make me so upset because I would see people talking about how they let go of it and it came to them. it almost felt like it was wrong to love, to care, to cherish this opportunity, and to want to be excited for it. I didn't want to "let go" and wanted to keep on holding forever. but then, I realized what the problem was. it wasn't my loving too much, caring too much, or anyone else's "letting go" of their desire to shift. the problem was my idea of what "letting go" means.

in any "normal" situation, "letting go" would mean "not caring" or "not giving your energy out where it isn't respected or celebrated". but. and a big but. when it comes to shifting, "letting go" has a totally different meaning.

• "letting go" in terms of shifting

to me, when it comes to shifting, "letting go" isn't about having an attitude of "if I shift, I shift. if I don't, I don't". while this can help some people, it's fairly hard for others to follow, because some of us WANT to shift and not even think about the "don'ts". so what letting go meant to me was being content where I am, because I knew that sooner or later — I will have what I want, because it is mine, and to stop trying to "make it happen" and simply just let it happen. because i'm a staunch believer that anything that happens, only happens for my own good — always, and if I found shifting, it was for a reason.

now, one could argue that both are the same, and I cooked nothing (lol). and yes, they might be. but. and a big but again. the difference is you CAN care about the people you want to shift for. you can be chalant, you can be obsessed with your dr, your s/o, anything — everything, and still shift. the point is being content. and you, yourself, have to give yourself the closure that whatever you want will be yours. because the feeling of being content always comes from within. don't force it, and take time to give yourself this closure. and care, and be excited, and be assured. you can be all of these things at the same time.

and if you're afraid of it being "not meant for you", then my dear friend, if it wasn't meant for you, I promise you, and I swear to God, it would've never found you. not in this lifetime, not in a million others. never. not EVER, okay? so rest assured that it is a hundred and ten percent meant for you. so, you don't have to grip it so hard you leave claw marks on it. it's right next to you, and that's how it'll stay. and if it "wasn't meant for you and still found you", it would've gone by now. it wouldn't have stayed. so "let go". be at peace. your dr awaits you, and you're going to make it.

and that's all. once again, if you don't understand anything, and want me to clarify, feel free to reach out.

[nartothelar]

I just had a thought while thinking about your possession au.

So I know you posted some joke art about Ingo confronting a Zoroark acting as his (possessed) brother, but what if the Zoroark WAS trying this time.

So imagine ; Ingo with maybe Lady Sneasler and Irida walking through the Alabaster Icelands, and they get confronted with a Zoroark. It takes Emmet's form and starts terrorizing Ingo, taunting him with "You'd never hurt me!" and everything F!Emmet said before.

And Irida watches as Ingo, her cool and collected if a tad lost warden just... shrink back in fear.

Now just about any sane person would be afraid of a Zoroark, but she can tell that this is MUCH more than just that. This is *personal*. He normally never hesitates fighting Zoroarks when they take the forms of others, but this time he is terrified of hurting the man behind the illusion, and of the man himself.

Judging from everything the illusion of Emmet is shouting (even illusions and how they behave have *some* truth to them), and the way Ingo is terrified, she deduces that maybe the place or family Ingo originally came from wasn't ideal, to say the least. Ingo frantically telling Irida that he loves his supposed abuser only reaffirms her concerns.

Eventually, this becomes somewhat of an open secret among both clans that Ingo's 'man in white' is, to say the least, not good. And how is Ingo supposed to dispute that? He loves this person, and he vaguely feels protective of him, but he also feels afraid whenever he think of him.

Cue Emmet somehow getting into Hisui.

For some extra angst, he took care of his F!Emmet situation, somehow. (Maybe when they both went to Dialga to go to Hisui, he went 'wait a moment, you're not supposed to be there' and separated them)

Naturally, when Irida finds out that the man in white is actually here, she panics. Everyone tries to a. Keep Emmet from finding out Ingo is even here (which doesn't work, he came here KNOWING Ingo is here so he can tell everyones lying to him), b. Know Emmet's location at all times, so that c. They can steer Ingo in the opposite direction of where Emmet is, for his own safety until they can either get Emmet to go back to where he came from, or do some (incredibly biased) investigation.

Cause Sinnoh help them if Emmet IS actually as bad as they suspect, cause if he is even half as good as Ingo, then the amount of people who could potentially stop him can he counted on one hand.

Sure, he SEEMS nice if a tad intense, worrying about his brother, but who's to say he's not just a good actor?

I dunno, maybe the climax is Emmet finding Ingo but the Ingo protection squad (consisting of Irida, Sneasler, etc.) is keeping him back and throwing the not completely baseless accusations at Emmet, him saying "hey I was possessed by a future alternate version of myself, but hes gone now I swear" ("well that's awfully convenient"), and Ingo has NO IDEA what do to (cause he said that once, didn't he? He said that the thing was gone, but then it wasn't, so he has no idea if he can fully trust him or not).

OR, F!Emmet arrives still in Emmet's body and just starts tearing through everything to find Ingo. He's an unstoppable force that will not stop until he finds his brother. And he is nearly everything that Zoroark showed Irida. They are desperately trying to keep Ingo away from him, to no avail.

What're your thoughts on this? Do with all this what you want, and thanks for reading my rant.

OK SO THIS WOULDN'T BE CANON PER SAY (more like an offshoot au?) BUT SOME INTROSPECTION ->

so i might have explored this very idea in a couple of discord dms! but for the most part, yes, ingo would be very much scared of the man in white/the zoroark since his last days with emmet were very much tainted with future emmet's influence, but i wouldn't say f!emmet went so far as to abuse him - emotionally torment for sure tho. still, ingo would very much react, even with amnesia, with a sense of fear and apprehension to seeing him. mixed and very confusing feelings

when emmet does finally get to ingo in hisui in the actual au, him and his future self has actually teamed up (as the last installation suggests). that isn't to say emmet is angry at his future self (bc he is FURIOUS even now at how his future self treated ingo and made the last few weeks he had with his sibling so miserable for everyone) but they have a sort of ceasefire since they want the same thing rn

but similar to your ask, ingo doesn't react positively. he still doesn't remember much but he knows that: 1) he knows this figure and that he is someone important to him 2) does not want any harm to come to him 3) he, for the life of him, is scared of him. the clan is rightfully ultra suspicious of them and maybe puts him on watch (and maybe subjecting him to various interrogative talks to get him to explain everything) that the emmets accept without much fight -> f!emmet feeling extremely guilty for what he has done and believes he deserves the treatment/deserves to not be forgiven + emmet knows that the clan is protecting his brother and can't fault them for handling the way they do

f!emmet and emmet both have a lot of work to do if they want things to go back to the way they were, if they even can

BUT YEAH VERRRRRRRY LONG RAMBLE BUT VERRRY INTERESTING NONETHELESS SKSKK

[fandomfucker]

Judgement Day x reader Where the reader is an absolute cuddle bug, but is afraid they might be too clingy. So Judgement Day assure them that they love how cuddly they are?

Word Count: 2,053

Reader's POV

Ever since I was a child, I was extremely touchy. I always felt the need to be not only emotionally close to all my friends and family but also physically close.

I would hug each of my friends at least twice a day, along with my teachers and parents and my usually unwilling siblings.

I was able to calm down a bit by the time I got to middle school, restraining myself from hugging just my family members and my friends who were used to it by now. High fives and wrapped arms around shoulders and waists became a norm for anyone interacting with me.

In high school, I had better learned to keep my hands to myself, only occasionally hugging my friends. But, my friend group was also a bunch of pretty touchy people so sitting next to each other with our legs touching, or laying down with our head in the lap of the other while they finger-brushed our hair was a norm for us within our friend group.

I had accepted long ago that my love language was touch but that it wasn't for everyone. One potential partner in high school even broke things off because of how touchy I am. They said it was suffocating and just 'way too much'.

Touchiness has never been an issue with my four wonderful partners now, though. Rhea, Dominik, Damian, and Finn all seemed to appreciate my touches and would even go out of their way to be closer to me sometimes.

And I love and appreciate them all for it.

My partners are all very aware of my need for touch. So, on days when I get home from work, both physically and mentally exhausted, they'll center me a a big group hug until I feel better.

When I wake up in the morning, Dominik smothers me in hugs and kisses, usually ending in hours-long cuddles until we're forced to move.

Damian often has me sit in his lap, no matter where we are. A party, backstage at a WWE show, or just hanging out in the living room of our house.

Whenever I had a particularly bad day Finn would shower me with affection, figuratively and literally. He would help me take a shower, giving me small kisses on my shoulders all the while, before giving my shoulders a massage in our bedroom.

Rhea was surprisingly the most touchy out of all my partners. She constantly had to have a hand on my waist, shoulder, arm, thigh, you name it she was touching it. She's very protective and always had to make sure that not only was she giving me what I needed, but also making sure everyone else knew I was hers as well.

The doubts didn't start until about six months into our five-way relationship when I had been at home on the couch scrolling through social media while the four of them were at Monday Night RAW.

My for you page had decided to randomly show me a video of someone who had compiled a bunch of videos and pictures of me with my partners. They had all zoomed in on my partners' faces whenever I specifically was touching them and not the other way around. The person who made the video was saying "Look at how uncomfortable the Judgment Day looks. Y/n needs to stop fucking touching them and leave them alone."

The video instilled a spark of fear in me as I read all the comments agreeing with the original poster and for the next three hours I went down a rabbit hole of TikTok videos through the search from the original video; "Y/n Y/l/n being clingy".

There were at least a hundred different TikTok videos talking about it, with tons of comments throughout. I found videos so long that they had to post them on YouTube in which what they said about me was even worse because guidelines are a bit more lax.

For those three hours until my partners got home, I watched all the mean videos, read all the mean comments, saw all the mean posts, tweets, edits, etc, and sobbed as I realized that my partners probably were just doing it all because I wanted to and that they actually just hated me.

A little after midnight I heard the garage door open and Rhea's truck as they pulled into the driveway. I threw my blanket off my lap and sprinted up the stairs to our master bath. I needed to make it look like I hadn't been crying the entire time so I threw myself into the shower, making the water as hot as possible.

3rd Person POV

The four members of the Judgment Day walked through the door, into the house doing their best to stay quiet as with all the lights off they figured their partner was probably already asleep.

Hearing a noise coming from the living room, Dominik curiously made his way towards the couch, beginning to move around blankets and pillows.

Y/n's phone fell out of a blanket and bounced onto the thick carpet floor, it's face glowing up at the ceiling as a TikTok video played on a loop.

Hearing the clunk from the phone hitting the floor, Dominik tossed the blanket he was holding back onto the couch before bending down to grab the phone.

Mention of The Judgment Day along with Y/n's name made Dominik pause, focusing on the video playing. 

"I mean, just look at their body language whenever Y/n touches them. They all always just look so uncomfortable."

Dominik watched in disbelief, as he beckoned the other Judgment Day members over to him. The group has always been pretty out about their relationship and some of them about their sexualities so haters were a norm but it was beginning to cross a line by hating their partner, who wasn't in the spotlight at all.

He beckoned the other three JD members over as the video began to play from the beginning again, holding the phone out for them all to watch.

They all watched the video in concern, Damian took the phone out of Dom's hands once it was over and began to backtrack, looking at what had previously been watched before that video.

There were several more videos about this particular topic at hand which the four of them scrolled through with growing disgust.

After several minutes of this, Rhea had a thought. "Where's Y/n?" She asked the group in a small panic.

They all looked at each other in concern before Rhea bolted up the stairs, yelling their partner's name, the boys quickly following suit.

Reader's POV

I was still in the shower about ten minutes after I had heard the garage door open and my partners come in when I began to hear Rhea screaming my name as four sets of footsteps thudded up the stairs, becoming louder as they got closer to the bathroom.

Banging soon began against the door as they all reached it. I heard each of my partners distressedly shouting my name, Rhea, however, being the loudest.

I turned the water off in a rush, wrapped my towel around myself, and got out of the shower. I fumbled with the lock, unlocking it before swinging the door open in a rush. I was met with the four panicky faces of my partners.

"What's going on, is everything okay?" I asked, genuinely confused.

Rhea rushed forward, pulling me into a tight hug. My face was squished into her chest (not that I'm complaining) and was squished even further when my other three partners came around to join the group hug.

"Guys?" I asked nervously, tilting my head up and resting my chin on Rhea's collarbone so that I could see all of their faces above me.

Finn spoke aloud for the group from my left, "Love, you left your phone open downstairs. We saw what you were looking at."

The blood would have drained from my face had it not all rushed there as the tears began to fall again.

I dropped my chin off of Rhea's chest and covered my face with my hands, the top of my head now resting against her chest instead. The four of them hugged me tighter in attempted comfort which only made me feel worse.

They hated me hugging them and just generally being all over them all the time and were now hugging me to make me feel better.

"I-I'm sorry. P-please don't be m-mad," I managed to get out through the massive sobs. I began trying to push away, out of the hug barricade they'd created around me but I wasn't able to turn around very well with how tight it was, and Rhea's way too strong to move when she doesn't want to be moved.

"We're not mad, Princesa," Damian spoke gently from behind me. That just made me cry even harder.

I was crying so hard that I was struggling to breathe. My four partners kept me close and I could feel someone stroking my hair before someone gripped my hips and turned my body to face them. 

I dropped my hands from my face to my partner's waist, realizing who it was.

Looking up, my wet, red-rimmed, eyes were met with Dominik's wide brown ones. "Hey, hey." He shushed me softly. "Those videos are fake, mi amore. Okay? We all love how touchy you are. We love your hugs and kisses and all your little touches. If we didn't we wouldn't reciprocate them."

My sobs turned to sniffles at his sweet words. He gave me a small smile as he brought a hand up to my cheek, wiping away any remaining tears from my face with his thumb. 

I closed my eyes in acceptance, another tear or two slipping out at the action which Dominik was quick to swipe away. "We mean it, Cariño," Damian spoke up again, now on my right. "We love you and your cuddliness," He reassured me, his lips kept close against my hair as he gently pried me away from Dominik and tucked me into him.

"Promise?" I questioned faintly. It was directed generally towards all four of them.

I felt Rhea's hands snake around my waist, gently swaying me towards her a bit, "We promise. We love you so much and nothing and nobody will ever change that." She gave my temple a lingering kiss, squeezing my waist before turning me towards Finn.

"Don't listen to those morons on social media, love. We're just constantly uncomfortable on camera, especially around you just because we're worried about you. There's a lot of people and a lot going on and it can get overwhelming so we're a bit on edge trying to protect ya'." He explained smoothly as he brushed a few stray hairs off of my forehead and back behind my ear.

With their protective natures, this explanation did make a lot of sense. I mean, one time Rhea actually almost fought a fan at the airport because of how close he was to me despite, me telling him to get away. I guess them being my own personal bodyguards would make them a bit tense.

"Come on, as much as I hate to say it, let's get some clothes on you and put you to bed," Rhea ordered, shoving the boys out of the way to lead me back into the bathroom. I giggled at her statement, flushing bright red as she winked at me before closing the door to the bathroom, leaving me alone again as I quickly dried off and threw on some of my partners' clothes I'd stolen.

Coming out of the bathroom I saw all four of my wonderful partners seated on the edges of our giant bed, waiting for me to get into the middle for cuddles.

I grinned and got a running start, jumping full force onto the bed. Dominik made an exaggerated 'oomph' sound as I landed, causing Damian to swat the back of his head.

Laughing at my partners' antics, I crawled under the covers before opening my arms, signaling that I was ready for the puppy pile of cuddles I was about to receive.

I made my own 'oomph' sound as Dominik flopped on top of my chest, grinning wickedly as he playfully glared at me before sticking his face into my neck.

With all four of my partners now lying on top of me or next to me to some degree, I'd never felt safer or more comfortable.

Drifting off to sleep I only had one more thought.

"I love you guys."

[roryacker]

WereGhost part 4

writing is under the cut as usual <3 couldn't force the art out, for some reason my brain won't let art on my phone happen, I've been trying for days it just ain't workin, and I have gifts to finish working on so PC is a no-go. Still! Writing!!

I do oddly feel more confident about posting things if there's art with it? Like I faked myself out trying to post this one 3 times and kept adding more thanks to that because I was like "wait no not good :("

Maybe because art's like. My thing. But screw it, if I'm getting over my anxiety I'm hitting all the weird triggers, it's a silly werewolf AU I don't think people care if one part has art or not

Simon doesn't like how Johnny smells. He was fine before, but since that morning the older man left with him in such a hurry he's smelled different. To a normal person that wouldn't matter, but werewolves aren't exactly normal folk, and smell is a very important part of their routine, Simon's especially.

Simon was familiar with Johnny's scent before- warm and herbal, a comfortable smell that Simon wasn't afraid to admit was soothing. It's probably part of why he's stuck around. Since he got back, since the anxiety and stress faded out, he's smelled different. It changed. It was faint, but there- something odd and flowery. Simon knew he didn't like it, but he wasn't entirely sure why. Maybe it's the fact it changed at all, maybe it's what it might signals, to hell if Simon knows.

Johnny, from there, starts going out more often, for longer, starting at earlier times, and the scent only gets stronger. It mixes with his original one, shifting and changing, and Simon hates it.

He especially hates it when Johnny comes home in the middle of the day, just once, and immediately gets to shoving Simon under the bed, blankets and all, muttering out something about not being prepared and needing Simon to sit still and be quiet for a while- Simon growls and snaps at his feet, though his teeth never connect, but begrudgingly does as told, ignoring the way his heart thuds in his chest and ears flatten to his skull. After a bit, cleaning up and trying to make the place look nice, it seems, sweeping fur off of the bed and floor, Johnny leaves, and Simon is left alone, confused and quite frankly tired, watching the door shut from the little space under the blanket hanging off the bed.

By the time a few minutes pass, he hears the front door open, and another voice starts up. It's not the older man, it's not Johnny, it's new and unfamiliar, soft and feminine, and Simon can feel the fur on his neck raise at the sound. Oddly, he feels threatened. He doesn't like the new voice, doesn't like the scent that follows, doesn't like how it's the scent that's been drowning out Johnny's for weeks now. But he sits there, tense and uncomfortable, listening to them talk in the sitting room. He doesn't like it, but he does it, if only so Johnny doesn't change his mind about all of this and kick Simon out after all.

It lasts for a few hours, Simon unable to fall back asleep, until he hears the door open and shut again. He thinks Johnny might have left too, but no- footsteps come up to the door, and he steps inside the bedroom, crouching down with a sigh.

"Think she likes me, Ghost. Might be the one, aye? Just have to see what to do about you, then..."

His heart sinks at the words, but doesn't reply- just growls lowly and shifts his weight, curling up further to avoid looking at the man.

"Aye, I know. Yer feelin' grumpy. Sorry."

Johnny tries to drag him out from under the bed, gripping the blankets tight, but Simon fights, of course. He can't go one day without being stubborn, especially not when he feels so personally wronged.

"Jesus, fine. Stay under there. Don't make a mess."

It continued on like that for a few days. Long, uncomfortable, grueling days, where Simon slowly began to set up a little den under the bed. It was nice and dark, so at that point it was really just instinct drawing him into it, pushing and arranging the blankets into a cozy little spot for himself. Eventually he manages to fall asleep even when Johnny has his bird over, as much as he might not like it- Johnny slides a plate of food under the bed to try and keep him from getting snappy, not that it ever works, and it becomes another routine.

Simon as tired of it the moment it began, but he tolerates it anyways, just to avoid being thrown out. His leg's mostly healed, and he knows he needs to leave, get out into the forest again, get back to his normal life.

But he doesn't want to.

He gets cooked food, he gets the warmth and comfort of soft blankets that smell pleasant- they're the only thing that don't have that new scent on them, at this point- he gets to sleep in peace without having to worry about wolfhounds scenting him out or humans coming across him, doesn't have to worry about any other predators trying to get a meal out of him, there's no hiding, there's no running, no wasted energy... but he can tell Johnny knows he's healing. He leaves the bandages on longer and comments on the progress he's made, and at this point Simon knows that if he doesn't leave on his own Johnny might just toss him out anyways.

The thought makes him uncomfortably bitter, a sour feeling that wells up in his chest and leaves him feeling nothing short of sick.

He tolerates it all for a few more days, making the most of it, and then watches intently as Johnny leaves, one morning slipping out from under the bed to watch him from the doorway as he leaves, locking the front door behind him. He loafs around for an hour or so, then shifts, standing on unsteady legs and adjusting to the feeling of being human for a bit- as close as he can get, anyways. Simon finds himself staring at a window for a long while, facing the woods.

With a sigh, he steps closer and pushes it open, and crawls out, shutting the window behind him and shifting back so he can break off into a run. He regrets it the moment he's outside, the air frigid and uncomfortable against his fur, feeling like needles against his skin, but he doesn't have much of a choice at this point. He does it himself or Johnny will do it for him, maybe throw him outside in his sleep or something. He's careful not to leave any prints, stepping lightly and never lingering in one spot too long. The beartrap that got him into this mess serves as a marker, telling him where to go, and from there it's just a matter of following old paths, and by the time night starts to fall he's found it again. His scent has faded from months of inactivity, but it's his territory all the same.

Suddenly it doesn't feel like home at all, but he reasons that it won't be come a few weeks, anyways, when the wolfhunts start again the second the town's dogs start to catch his scent, and he'll have to leave all over again. He curls up in a familiar hollow, surrounded on all sides but one so he can't be reached or found quite as easily, and falls asleep with the lingering thoughts of fleeting warmth and soft fabrics on his mind.

[laismoura-art]

Hey!! First of all, thanks for the tag in your latest Suchin post, I really do appreciate it. ☺️

I gotta say, I'm really interested in your Seidan!Suchin headcanon! It certainly is a super unique take. I found myself having some observations and questions about her, which I would like to inflict upon you >:D (that is, if you don't mind lmao)

Keep in mind that I'm a lore nerd so I might go a little too in depth. 😭

Okay so I know your AU follows MK1 so Outworld/Edenia is pretty much the same thing. What makes me curious is how you chose to have Seido be a city inside Outworld rather than its own realm (I don't think Seido is part of Outworld in MK1 but I tend to forget a lot about the lore of this new era so you'll have to forgive me about this lmao).

Going from Seido in the OG Timeline, we know there are different types of seidan people: those who simply go by the rules, those who think the rules are too harsh but keep quiet about it and the rebels who join the Seidan Resistance. From what I get, Suchin's family would be the quiet dissatisfied people and I get their wish to run away. However, I would like to offer a slight twist.

See, we don't know if the Seidan government would go after average people who simply left Seido. They could, but it's never implied. However, they would definitely go after active resistants, because THOSE are seen as criminals. As such, families of said resistants might also be targeted, even if they are innocents. Therefore, I wonder about the possibility of a part of the Bunnag family being members of the Resistance. The Seidan Guardsmen thus deemed the entire Bunnag family as a threat and go after them, forcing the family to flee.

I also think it's neat that the Bunnags didn't seek help from Sindel given that, in the OG Timeline, Seido and Edenia have an okay but tense relationship since Seido still tries to force its order ideology upon Edenia. Sindel welcoming the Bunnag, then seen as criminals, would definitely give an excuse for Seido to attack.

As for Kenshi and Suchin, they would both be even more connected through their respective connection to criminal organizations they ultimately despise and disavow. Because, yes, the Seidan Resistance is on the surface a good idea, but they harm a lot of innocent people when trying to "free" their city/realm. It also makes me wonder about how Suchin would view Havik and Darrius in your AU and how the flooding of Seido could affect her.

Okay, it's a long ask but I'm genuinely interested. Seido is an intriguing place and the idea of including more seidan people, especially Suchin, really makes me curious. Ramble as much as you'd like lmao!!

HEY RASTA!!

Sure! I thought you'd like more Suchin content (especially cause you helped inspire that)!❤️

Really? Aww, thank you! I'm so happy this headcanon has been well received so far (I was afraid I had gone too wild with that one, lol)!

Please, do ask! I take any chance to talk about my girls! Plus, more specific questions like this really help polishing my ideas! So, thanks in advance for this ask!❤️

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

About Seido being in Outworld:

I totally made that up! We can tell by Havik's bio that Seido is its own realm:

The only thing is that I expressed myself wrong, I called it a city, but what I was actually going for is kingdom!

I dunno if that's exactly what MK1 had in mind, but in my interpretation, Outworld is a realm, and Edenia is a kingdom within it (if that's not what they meant it's how I interpreted and therefore how it works in my AU :P) with that in mind, my idea is that Edenia and Seido are neighbour kingdoms with an okay-ish relationship!

And the reason is just for simplicity sake!

See, I wanted Suchin to have a connection with Outworld and Edenia for my Umgadi Girls AU, and having Seido being in Outworld and next to Edenia and Delia made everything easier and saved me the trouble to add interdimensional trips and all that stuff!

I wish I had a deeper and more interesting reason for that, but I genuinely just took the easier route. And I'm really not that ashamed cause NRS did the exact same by having Edenia and Outworld as one place :P

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About the Bunnags being part of the Seidan Resistance:

I LOVED the idea! Consider it included!👏🏾❤️

AND I'd love to elaborate on that!

So, imagine if the Bunnags were just as extreme as Havik! And if back in the day they had the same sort of power he does now, they would be just as much of a threat!

But as time went by and new generations started to come, the family realised they were turning out just as ruthless as the government they sworn to topple and were causing more harm than good to the people they were trying to protect.

So, the new members started to take on different tactics that would cause less harm to the general population and eventually shifted their focus on actively defending the population from the government.

Unfortunately, the other members of the Resistance started to grow unsatisfied, they felt they weren't doing as much damage to the government anymore and started to think the Bunnags had gone soft and were now disqualified to keep leading their movement.

Without the resistance's support, the Bunnags were left much more exposed and became an easier target to the government.

Ultimately, the family realised they could not keep fighting under "the end justifies the means" rule because that belief didn't make them any better than their enemies.

Fearing for themselves and the families they actively protected (and also feeling their aid to the resistance was no longer welcomed), the family finally decided to leave!

They didn't try to hide the ugly part of their story. Rather, they accepted it and vowed they would never allow themselves to fall back into that dark path again. They would atone for their ancestors' sins and be better. Seek redemption.

---

Which then leads us back to Kenshi!

Who is struggling, thinking his family has gone too far into the darkness, and there's no way of finding redemption.

But now he knows that's not true! Thanks to Suchin, who decided to trust him and share her family's history. Her family, who once found themselves in the same crossroad he's now stuck in. Her family, who's all about redemption, who's living proof that redemption, though hard to achieve, is totally possible!

So basically, the Bunnags were a big deal within the resistance! Legends even! So you bet Havik heard of them, maybe was even a fan, and aspired to be as much of a threat to the government as they once were!

---

And since we are here, let's talk about Havik!

But there's the catch! He grew up listening to stories about the great Bunnag family and their feats! But he also heard of their change of heart and of their decision to flee.

And that would be a MAJOR let down for him! They would go from heroes to disgrace in a second! He would DESPISE them!

Which means he naturally hates Suchin!

And Havik being the embodiment of everything her family sworn never be anymore, Suchin hates him just as much! She sees him as the person she could've become had her family not found their way back towards the light. Look at him is like looking at a twisted mirror for her.

And this led me to a scenario I SO want to brainstorm right now!

Please, walk with me!

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

A while ago, my friend @meme099 requested my take on Harumi as a playable character, and I made this post:

In it, I included a Tower Ending for Harumi that was basically that, as her clan serves Cetrion (Mother Nature herself), it is their duty to handle natural disasters, and as a former Umgadi, she was requested to aid Outworld with their two latest (not so) natural disasters: the death of the Living Forest and the flood in Seido.

Harumi went with her clan and Cetrion herself, and for old times' sake, she was also accompanied by Li Mei and her former classmates, which, of course, include our dear Suchin!

---

Now, keep in mind that even though the Bunnags recognise their ancestors' actions were bad, they still hate Seido and think the government sucks!

Which is why when Suchin went to Outworld to reconnect with her roots, she did not attempt to reconnect with Seido.

She became a Umgadi because she wanted to learn more about the Goddess who helped her family escape that hellish place! For her, having a place in Edenia is more than enough of a reconnection!

And she did learn more about Seido. They are the neighbour kingdom, after all. But what she learned didn't really improve her view on the place, if anything only worsened, and gave her certainty that even if she was welcomed back there (she wasn't) she wouldn't want to go!

---

Imagine if the Order of Cetrion were just called to help with the Living Forest.

With that in mind, here's a slight change to Harumi's ending:

Havik would still be their main target, as he helped cause that too.

So Suchin would be here not only as a former Umgadi but also because she her knowledge on the Seidan Resistance (though outdated) might come in hand!

Unfortunately, not in her wild dreams, she expected the Seidan Resistance to flood Seido's capital and EVERYONE within!

Cetrion and her warriors reacted quickly. Suchin requested them to start their rescuing efforts on the lower parts of the city (ahem, the poor part), where the people would be more endangered.

Suchin was disgusted by the situation. It was exactly what her ancestors tried to avoid by changing their ways.

She ended up meeting Havik, and like I said: they both HATED each other!

Havik kept on repeating how disappointed he was and how low the Bunnag house had fallen. While Suchin prided herself for not being anything like him!

I'll leave the confrontation with Havik with an open ending, but in the end, Cetrion and her warriors managed to stop the flood and evacuate as many people as they could from the capital.

Almost every member of the government was killed in the flood, and others perished by Havik's hands. But the two or three members who survived made sure to intensify their war against the Resistance and their allies and, of course, as soon as they learned of Suchin, they had her banished, her return would be punished with death💀

They also sent the Umgadi and the Order of Cetrion away rather quickly. When the warriors tried to warn them of the possible dangers they would be facing, the remaining leaders only told them to mind their own kingdoms and realms.

The warriors were certain the remaining government wouldn't last a day on their own, but there was only so much they could do.

They all left the kingdom...

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

OKAY! this turned out HUGE, but you did request for a ramble so HERE WE ARE!! :D

I hope this answers all your questions! And please, do ask more!! I love to come up with scenarios like this!!

I loved to talk more about Seidan!Suchin (and consequently about my Umgadi Girls AU) and would definitely be up to talk some more!!❤️❤️❤️

@mikka-minns @thedragonholder @moody-bloos @orbitinytheworld Girls? May I offer more Suchin content in these trying times?👀❤️

[sapphicideas]

hi, i’m the one who was asking for advice about my sexuality. thank you sm for responding. also, i didn’t realize that the “🔮” emoji was taken, so could i use “🪐” instead? thank you<3

firstly, i am definitely without a doubt attracted to men. during sex i definitely need penetration and i really love the feeling of having a man on me. however in relationships with men i tend to feel really insecure about myself and feel like i need to be perfect for them. maybe that’s because ive dated the wrong men, but regardless i really want a gentle, loving relationship dynamic and i want to try it with a woman so badly. i just have no idea how to get there. i never can notice if girls are flirting with me or just being nice. i give people compliments all the time but i just look and seem so straight that i don’t think anyone would ever know if i was flirting or not. i see so many pretty girls come into my work, and i fantasize about asking them out, but the second i finally think i have the courage to, i get so so scared and start to feel so disgusted in myself for even feeling that way about girls. i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i don’t know why i feel ashamed. i’m not homophobic at all and nearly all of my friends are bisexual. i’m honestly struggling so bad. i fantasize about girls sexually, but i don’t know if i could really see myself in a relationship with one. i know i probably sound horrible. i just don’t really know what to do from here :/

-🪐

my god i literally forgot it was taken, yes you can keep that one love!

to answer your question, i think you might be bisexual and you want to start dating women now, which is amazing. that being said, i believe you might have internalized homophobia. i know you said you don't, but believe me it sounds like you do. i used to be like that too, i was so worried about what people might think about me dating a woman that i would literally force myself to act as straight as possible. i was miserable but i genuinely thought that would do the trick and make me straight (needless to say, it didn't).

the thing is, i had gay friends, bisexual friends, trans friends... and none of that saved me from having internalized homophobia. so believe me when i say that even when you think you're 100% okay with it, there might be something buried deep down in your subconscious mind that won't let you realize that. i'd also suggest looking into the possibility of religious trauma, maybe your family is very religious and you wouldn't want to disappoint them by being with a girl (which fortunately wasn't my case, but i know many people who have struggled with that).

you need to work on that fear of "why am i having a crush on a girl? that's disgusting". instead, remind yourself that you have nothing to be ashamed of. start being more intentional with your flirting (like biting your lip) or if you're too embarassed to do so in real life, try talking to girls online. don't be afraid to flirt with them, let yourself feel good about it. every time you get that "this is wrong" feeling, inmediately stop it and replace it with something positive such as "this is a gorgeous girl i'm flirting with, doing this makes me feel good and i deserve to feel good about this". if you need help with the whole flirting thing, you can always dm me and i'll try my best to help you.

there's so much more i could say on this, so let me know if you'd like me to elaborate on a specific topic or if you have any more questions. i'm so sorry i took this long to respond. this is a very important ask and i wanted to make sure i had the time and focus to write something helpful.

good luck! i'm rooting for you, love💕

oh and in response to your other ask i figured i might as well put the emoji there already, since i was going to post the response today either way. sorry for the confusion, baby

[sapphuric-acid]

Well, while we're all anxiously awaiting the new year (or maybe basking in it by the time I finish this post), I would like to share some personal things: what this past year has given me, and what I hope for in this coming year.

I am first of all thankful for my newfound support system. This began with my best friend getting with his girlfriend (not tagging for privacy reasons). June was rough for you two, and I wasn't yet at the point where I was strong enough to not walk away. But during that one week, I realized many things: that leaving you in your time of need would have been horribly selfish, that you needed me just as much as I needed you, and that if I continued down the path I was heading I would end up as nothing more than some miserable man slowly killing himself because he didn't believe himself worthy of either life or a swift death. That last part was a surprise to me, as was the realization that I was actually a special kind of "in love" with my best friend, one that transcends the desires of regular friendships but doesn't quite align with what I expected from a relationship. Now, I find myself eternally grateful that I have not only a partner to hold, but also two lovely metamours to talk to, and that in your embraces I find myself relaxed in a way that I didn't even realize was physically possible, a moment's breath without the tightness in my shoulders or the racing of my head and heart.

I am also thankful to be closer to understanding my identity. While I was always aware of my tendency of dissociation, I never realized just how divorced I was from my own sense of self. I finally have something to grab onto, no matter how small, no matter how hard to hide from everyone else who insists it is wrong. Throughout my life I was forced into a box, in which I never had the room to grow. Constantly constricted, taught that it would be best for me to be as small as possible, to disappear, to be practically nothing. Now, I finally have something to hold onto, no matter how small and fragile. I am just now learning how to be something again, and how to be secure in that something-ness. While I am afraid of what I might become ("What if I'm a terrible person?", "What if my loved ones don't like me anymore?", "What if I can't find stable housing or jobs because of my self-expression?"), I am happy that I am finally so close to being something, that nebulous goal which I have wanted for the better half of my life.

Lastly, I am thankful that I am finally entering the newest phase of my life. I have just roughly 4 months until I have earned my Associate in Business Management (a degree I picked because I once dreamed to own a café and wanted a professional knowledge base, but which is now purely pragmatic as someone who's become disillusioned with the foodservice industry and learned just how much I hate other business majors' mentalities). I promised myself that I would only stay at my current job (which continues every day I am there to weigh miserably on my mental health with its toxicity and bigotry) until I finished school, which means I won't be too far away from a new job that will hopefully pay me a living wage.

Now, for what I anticipate from this coming year. As previously mentioned, I'm looking forward to getting a new job with my new qualifications, and along with this getting an apartment in a city, where I will be free to exist as I am (or rather, will be) without immediately putting a target on my back. Along with this, starting in January I will be officially off my parents' insurance, which means I will finally be able to talk about my gender openly with my health providers. This will finally open the doors to me getting somewhere in my transition, even if it's something as simple as another group of people referring to me as more than what I was confined into being.

This year will not be easy. I am terrified of what awaits. And the political forecast certainly adds to that terror. But I'm finally getting somewhere, finally becoming something, finally being a part of something. And even if everything comes crashing down, I must hope to finally grasp that safety rope I've been trying to hold onto for all my life. I'm so close, I can't stop reaching just yet.

And I hope to see you all there by the end of the year, holding on alongside me as we climb to self-fulfillment.

[abyssal-werewolf]

Werewolf Diarys part 1: When spirituality becomes toxic.

[I am very much taking suggestions for a better title instead of "werewolf Diarys btw if someone has any... also mentioning some people who showed interest in my writing, I hope you don't mind! :3 @solacesins @wolfislost @a-dragons-journal ]

Spirituality is and always was a huge part of the alterhuman community. When I, back in 2016, came in contact with this whole phenomenon for the first time, it was everywhere - kinfolk talking about past lifes, others who practised witchcraft or other magick, soulshards, godshards, parallel lifes, all of it. And while, in my perception of things, psychological otherkin are nowadays a lot more present, I would say the majority of alterhumans is still heavily spiritual.

Now, don't get me wrong - I don't think of that as a bad thing. Not in general. And I have exactly zero problems with folk believing in and practicing spirituality - I may not personally share their beliefs, but I think this is one of the areas where individual truths very much exist. Actually, my own opinion on anything is not really relevant here, I want to talk about something much more broad. A structural community-issue, I would dare to say and surprisingly something I've never seen anyone talk about.

Spirituality is a powerful tool and if used in the right way, a great source of comfort and stability for someone. That is great! I absolutely support that. A problem, however, may occur if a young person without established beliefs newly discovers their alterhumanity, joins the community and sees spiritual representation everywhere, but far far less resources for psychological alterhumanity. If you are constantly confronted with people who find happiness in a spirituality, chances are high you feel drawn towards that. Again - this is not an anti-spirituality post in disguise. You will soon understand what my point here is. So, you might start to - subconsciously or knowingly - try to fit in, to find the happiness they have. It happened to me in that exact way: I knew basically nothing about myself or my alterhumanity and I never had the chance before to explore what I might or might not belief in. Then I saw everyone talking about past lifes and simple as that, more or less decided my alterhumanity was rooted in a past life too. Because I wanted to belong. This alone would not be too much of an issue - in the normal way of things, if someone - me in this case - subconsciously or knowlingly forced themselves to belief in something they actually don't, after a few months or years they'd realize that and find their own way. Being wrong about something and trying to fit in is not inherently bad! It's a completely normal thing for (human or at least humanly socialized) brains to do.

But what happens if the person in question ends up in toxic spiritual spaces? That, too, happned to me. I had the unfortunate experience of being a deeply unstable young being with untreated BPD, depression, anxiety and various other issues who so desperately wanted to fit in. I met some people who I greatly looked up to, who followed spiritual paths - and I wanted to impress them, to be like them and most importantly not being left by them. Very very unfortunately... they had a lot of black and white thinking going on. Every little doubt about their belief was taken as a personal attack, every suggestion that something might not be a result of manifestation but maybe just a coincidence was met with anger. Don't get me wrong, if someone constantly disrespects your beliefs and tells you they're wrong, it's absolutely okay to be angry about that! But this was not the case here. I was literally afraid to say that I experienced, for example, energetic cleansing differently than they did because it would have been taken as a personal attack. But still, I wanted to fit in and was so scared of loosing the small community I built with those people that I didn't realize they were the reason I felt more and more miserable.

For those people, anything and everything was something spiritual and saying something like "oh, just yesterday I thought about song XY and today I've heard it on the radio 5 times! That's so funny, it's not even in the charts at the moment!" was instantly met with "you manifested the song!". I was talked over and told my own experiences were wrong because they didn't align with their beliefs. Lucky for me, at some point a lot of internal changes (we're a median system) happened and I/we realized what was going on and quickly cut all ties with those people. We rapidly got better and accepted that we just don't hold spiritual beliefs and that's okay. But this time did leave scars.

As a side note, aside from my personal experiences, chalking everything up to spirituality can be downright dangerous. I can lead to not checking in with the doctor because the shadow people you're seeing? Oh, it's just spirits! While I'm not saying it absolutely must be something medical, it could be hallucinations, caused by whatever. The strong headaches you get? Oh well, just caused by a blocked chakra (or, maybe not?). You might be right. It might be caused by metaphysical things, i am not telling you you're wrong. But it might as well be something health related. The circles I was in really danced on the line of being like this. Or, they crossed it, I think - several people there claimed to be able to perform physical healings over the internet. For me, they never worked.

The "structural problem" I mentioned earlier is simply how present spirituality is in this community and how that, naturally, leads to young folk blindly taking on those beliefs. That's not the fault of people who talk about their spiritual experiences and I'm not saying you should stop talking about it. Not at all! That would not be the solution.

So, what do I want to happen instead? We need to do two things: one, encourage critical thinking. And I don't mean the old-school "grilling" and having folk "prove" their identities. I mean we have to encourage folk, especially young folk, to not blindly follow beliefs they see everywhere around them but rather to look at themselves from different angles and find their own truth. If that truth ends up matching with the more common ones, great! Absolutely nothing wrong with that. But Alterhumanity and identity in general is about discovering yourself and who you are and that simply doesn't work if you try to follow someone else's individual truth. In the worst case, it might lead people into groups like the one I described above and I for one, don't want that to happen. The other thing is, the psychological side of this community needs to be more present. We need more voices speaking about psychological experiences, we need to represent ourselves more. It is so, so important for new folk in our community to be exposed to all sides of it, not just to a few.

Spirituality in itself is not bad or dangerous, but some people make it dangerous. I know that 99% of spiritual alterhumans are totally chill and cool and all of you have my deepest respect, but like it is with all things in life, toxic people also exist. And because of how prominent spirituality is in this community, i think it is our respnsibility as a community to try and protect newbies from those rare but existing toxic spaces.

I know I might step on some paws with this post and I apologize for that. But I honestly have never seen anyone talk about this issue, although I am sure I'm not the only one who experienced something like this. I'm totally open to discussion and questions, just please stay civil and respectful and grant me the benefit of the doubt - if you read this post anf thought "wow, that's such a mean thing to say", please assume it was just bad wording. English is not my native language after all.

Thank you for reading!

[das-ende-des-anfangs]

Dear P****e,

I just want you to know that you broke me.

When I met you, I believed in people. I believed in love. I trusted that the people who said they loved me would want to stand by me and help me work through things. I trusted YOU when you said you would do that for me. I was vulnerable and intimate with you in difficult moments BECAUSE I trusted you so deeply. I came to you during times of pain and uncertainty because I trusted that you would love and value me even if I wasn’t perfect.

When we met you said you didn't even believe in love. You said you didn't even want a relationship (and I should've listened), but when I was finally able to convince you that I was "worthy" of your love, I felt like my world was complete. When you told me I taught you how to love, I felt like I could do anything.

I helped convince you your life was worth living. I gave you the push you needed to get on meds and go to therapy. I drove 4 hours during winter break just so I could clean your apartment and have a homemade dinner ready for you when you got home from your dogshit job. I drew you a bath and gave you a foot massage because I just wanted you to be able to relax after working so hard all day. I wrote you the most beautiful piece of music I've ever created because I wanted you to know how much I loved you. I made you cry tears of joy nearly every time we saw each other. I gave you EVERYTHING that I had, but it still wasn't enough.

You said you wanted to build a life with me. You told me how beautiful your name would sound with my last name at the end of it. You gave me a key to your apartment, and not even two weeks later you said you wanted to leave me. I begged you to stay and you dragged things out so I would eventually just get sick of waiting for you and you could tell our friends it was "mutual."

It's been months since I even spoke to you, and I still live every day in fear that the new loves I meet will abandon me like you did. So I try to make myself perfect. I have to love perfectly, talk perfectly, fuck perfectly, do everything PERFECTLY because maybe it will keep me safe. You're the reason I can't even force myself to believe people when they say they want to make me a part of their life, when they say they're committed to working out whatever might come up in our relationship. I can't even give the people I love the gift that is trusting them when they say they'll stand by me, even when (unlike you) they've done everything to earn that trust.

I wish I could make you feel how I feel right now. I wish I could make you experience a fraction of the pain that you put me through. I wish I could make you know what you took from me, but instead I'm writing a post on the internet that maybe 5 people will even read (if I'm lucky).

I hope it felt good to reap all the benefits of the love I gave you and leave me with nothing but fear, mistrust, and self-hatred. I hope you're happy that I can't stop breaking down in front of the people I love because I'm afraid that they'll throw me away like you did. I hope you're happy to know that I still live in absolute terror of letting people see what I struggle with because of how you used it against me. I know I'm healing, and I know I will overcome this, but right now I just feel like I'm drowning under the pain that you left me.

I hate you, P****e. I hate you so much for what you took from me. I know I'm supposed to be the bigger woman and find it in myself to forgive you, but not now. Not when the wounds you gave me are still so raw and so fresh. I hope you never find anyone as good as me, because you don't deserve the type of love that I gave you. Good luck breaking that streak of failed 6-month relationships. Maybe someday you'll realize that YOU'RE the fucking problem, but at this point I don't really care if you do. My only hope is that there will come a time when I never have to waste so much as single neuron activation on your sorry excuse for an existence. Just like I said the last time I ever spoke to you, I am looking forward to not giving a FUCK about you.

Sincerely,

Anja

[phdmama]

heeeyyyyy what do you mean by curation criteria?

anon I'm ngl at first I had no idea what this meant, but then I remembered my tags on this post.

So usual caveat, these are my thoughts as I'm currently thinking, and are not a judgement on how other people choose to navigate the world (unless you're, like, sending death threats on anon or whatever).

Behind a cut because as usual, I rambled.

So for me, the phrase I internalized from @cuethetommo is "curate your own experience," meaning, all of this on tumblr pretty much is OPT-IN. I control my own dash. Sure, sometimes I see stuff I don't like or that makes me uncomfortable or whatever, but that's life in the world, baby, and it's not other people's job to protect me. As an adult on the internet, it's my job to manage my own experience which includes managing any uncomfortable (or worse) feelings that might get stirred up by what I see. There is no safe space on the public internet.

The day I realized I could just unfollow blogs that posted stuff I didn't like was HUGE for me (as a point of reference, my own personality is very anxious, very loyal to the point of pathology, and desperately afraid of hurting anyone's feelings so I'd follow blogs and then realize their content wasn't for me but stick around). Probably other people already know this, or never needed to learn it.

I unfollow. I block. I make very very liberal use of tag and content filtering because it puts me in charge of deciding if I want to see something or not. And I strongly encourage people to do the same. I try to tag my specific fandom stuff because I know not everyone is interested in 911 or hockey or any of the many other things I'm into (see pathologically loyal above - I fall into hyperfixations easily, leaving is hard).

So my curation criteria continue to evolve as I sit with any uncomfortable feelings that might come up from what I'm seeing (this isn't like, a huge process or anything, I just take note of that "oh dear" sensation and respond fairly quickly). I used to force myself to stick with things I didn't enjoy because... I don't know. All of my own stuff. But like, this is my recreation space. Why on earth would I do that to myself?

So I unfollow/block/filter as the situation warrants and move on. And I'm very deliberately not writing any specifics about what those filter terms might be or the content I don't like, because it's not important. Other people get to enjoy those things, post those things, interact with those things! And more power to 'em. I mean that really sincerely. I just don't see the point of seeking out things that I don't like.

Life is hard enough, you know?

[prettyboysinmyheart]

one more and ill be done bothering you.

ive been writing for forever. the main aus were started in September. and at first I did get a few people sending in. And then when new aus were started things got sent in. but then it all of a sudden it stopped. like literally I had this one anon who sent in something everyday and then they just didn't anymore. and I was fine with it. I never want people to feel forced to send things in. I do ask from time to time. I had things that I wanted to post on my aus. but then I wrote a good chunk of the things out. And then I started grasping at straws. And putting out more angst. but I tried posting more happy things and it got a little response. And then I started taking longer breaks in between writing things because I had no idea what to do. now I feel really lost. and I know the best thing would be to put Tumblr down for a while and work on myself. but im afraid of being forgotten if I do. hell im pretty sure Ive already have been forgotten about.

I do tag .. a bit. I don't like being annoying so sometimes I'll tag the player if there is something important that I think will draw people in to reading it. other than that I tag the au.

oh and I don't want to share any of my thoughts like this on my blog, people will think im more mental than I already am. so I appreciate this.

I love you. thank you.

You can come bother me whenever you want!!

I completely understand. If you're feeling overwhelmed with writing, you might want to consider taking a break and engaging with your followers instead. Connecting with them could help spark ideas and make them more interactive with your content. It's been really helpful for me! Sometimes inspiration strikes when you least expect it, so try not to stress too much. I know it can feel like a pressure to post regularly to keep your followers entertained, but remember to prioritize yourself first. Your well-being is the most important thing.

No worries. You’re safe with me, lovey

I love you more!! You’re welcome 🤍

[freshgraduate]

A Blog For Me

I'm starting this blog because I'm honestly not doing entirely well. About three months ago, I graduated with Honours after four years at Drama school. It was, frankly, a harrowing and chaotic time, but there was always something to do: scenes to be rehearsed, self tapes to film, movies to review. Even when I didn't want to be doing half the stuff I had to get done in order to pass, I knew deep down that being told what to do was good. It was a 9-5, Monday- Friday, full commitment type of thing. No time for a job. No time for non-actor friends. Four years of all-out hustle. And then it sort of just ended. I'm yet to pick up that little paper that says I've done it (graduation ceremony is next month), but for all intents and purposes, it is done. By the end of the whole thing, I was just fed up. I wanted to be done with uni and be getting on with my life, figuring out who I am and who I was away from homework and constant assignments.

Turns out, I am very unfunctional. I am no longer forced to be somewhere every day, and so I stay in bed. I have no real work experience, so I fear the real world. Anyone who isn't forced to see me every day anymore chooses not to. I am chronically friendless. Oh, and I graduated AGENTLESS!! It's a classic actor's story- study all through drama school, and leave with nothing to show for it. Deadbeat, some would say. So why blog? Well, for one (if it isn't clear enough), I am lonely and I figure typing into the void at the hopes of someone hearing me out might be a tad therapeutic. Also, I used to love this whole tumblr thing when I was 15 and now that I'm 21, I figure there was probably something in that. Finally, I'm kind of praying that there's someone else out there like me- lonely and quite afraid- who can maybe hold my hand and possibly even advise me through this whole thing.

A fair warning: this blog won't be pleasant. It's sort of a final plea. I am a very depressed and negative person these days, which I'm desperate to change. It might get dark here and there. Not to worry! I will tag appropriately!

But, you know, I've done a lot of googling: 'How do I love my life?', 'What is my purpose? (quiz)', 'Should I just pack everything and go?' That kind of stuff. And google doesn't really know either. So. Blog. I'm trying a blog.

Currently my days consist of a good 2 hours trying to figure out how I'm going to get out of bed, doing a 20- 40 minute yoga session after breakfast, showering, and gaming until the day is over. I live with my parents, but it's clear that if I don't get my shit together, they might start thinking about kicking me out. I want to get a job, but every time I think about writing a resume I get scared and chicken out. I'm an actor and a writer, but I'm terrified of putting myself out there because I don't think I'm good enough. All my fellow graduates are 'doing the thing'. Have agents, making films, etc. Successful. I am the failure of the year. I'm considering giving up. Even though I haven't even really tried yet. Pathetic, I know.

Tonight the dream is to get a job, save my money, and volunteer on a farm in Italy early next year. Travel alone. Idk. If I don't feel like I have anything going for me, then there's no harm in running off for a little while. Tomorrow, I will think about the dreaded resume and never end up writing it. This is the pattern of my life.

Expect an update in a few days, or maybe a week, when something or nothing changes. I turn 22 next week.

TLDR: I am a depressed post-grad with nothing going for me. I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I want to be happy. This blog will document my journey.

[nottoxicfr]

Last night I got really thinky about the logo designs I'm doing for Guilty Gear, and I kept asking myself "why am I not making Sol Badguy the logo?" It wouldn't be unreasonable, but something about it felt misplaced to me. He's the main character, so he can't be the logo! Yet, it's not like Amano-style logos can't have the focus character as the design center (see FF8 and FF10), so then what's the problem?

Honestly, it was a big conundrum to me. I was typing up drafts all night, but I didn't post because I thought nobody would give it much thought. I couldn't stop thinking about it though!

To me, Guilty Gear seems like a series focused on consequences and actions, specifically the consequences of the actions taken by the trio of Asuka, Aria, and Sol. However, the consequences go beyond the kickback onto them.

There are consequences in the form of the Holy War, of the millions (billions) of people who were killed by Gears, and even more terrible things. I think these consequences are well embodied by characters like Ky, Testament, Anji and Baiken. On the other hand, you could also say Sin is a direct consequence of the Gear Project. Without Justice, Dizzy never would have made it to the post-Holy War era! Ky may have never found a life outside his bloodshed, and Ramlethal and Elphelt may have ended differently. I sort of feel like Sin is the direct opposite of the Holy War, the embodiment of a positive consequence of the Gear Project. It makes his connection to Sol quite special, in that sense.

(Dizzy is also a consequence, but it feels like she's an example of what the original purpose of the Ecosystem Evolution Project was. After all, it was meant to strengthen humanity and help people!)

Although Sol is someone who affects the world of Guilty Gear, I think he more so belongs to the category of people who are affected. In every game, something or someone reaches out to him to push him along his development as a character. In that way, it's almost as if he's playing the game with us...

If Guilty Gear is a game about actions and consequences, then I think it would be important to try and show that in the logo. If Sol was the focus of the logo, that would be like showing the viewer a snapshot of themselves when they were young! Most people would find that unsatisfactory as a logo probably.

Testament works well as a logo design for the first game. Not just because of their appealing design! I feel like they draw the viewer naturally to the main idea of Missing Link. It seems centered around the idea of a reason to exist. Sol's reason is to destroy all Gears, while Justice wants to rid the world of Humanity! Ky is struggling with his reasons post-Holy War, and Testament's reason to exist was forced onto them as a result of their new form of existence.

Besides, if you saw them on the logo, you might think "Wow! I want to see that character in the game!" Then you'd find that they're an antagonist, and you'd think they were the final boss. I have to think Justice would be quite the surprise from that perspective.

I feel like this is sort of silly to think about when I could just scribble something out and justify it to myself, but I try to take myself seriously! Maybe I'm just afraid of drawing Sol in my poor imitation of Mr. Amano's artstyle? Maybe someday soon?

[monstrsball]

my favorite line in each song on noah kahan's stick season (we'll all be here forever)

this will be long so i am just putting it all under the cut <33 if you haven't, you should listen to stick season by noah kahan btw

Northern Attitude

"Forgive my northern attitude, oh, I was raised on little light."

Stick Season

"And I'll dream each night of some version of you That I might not have, but I did not lose."

honestly really hard to narrow it down for this one because i love so many lines in this long... "I'm no longer funny cause I miss the way you laugh" is another one i really like.

All My Love

"Now I know your name, but not who you are."

(runner-up: "If you need me, dear, I'm the same as I was" )

this is one of my favorite songs on the album in general because it's just so... relatable, idk. like this is a song about a past relationship but it makes me think about the friends i lost touch with after i graduated high school. makes me emo.

She Calls Me Back

"I still dial 822-993-167"

the pre-chorus just tickles my brain... i enjoy it a lot but specifically this line. idk man. otherwise i don't have like strong emotions tied to this song or anything but i do like it.

"Oh, there was heaven in your eyes. I was not baptized" is also good though... really love the way he sings it too

Come Over

"Someday I'm gonna be somebody people want"

New Perspective

"You and all of your new perspective now Wish I could shut it in a closet And drag you back down"

Everywhere, Everything

"Everywhere, everything, I wanna love you 'til we're food for the worms to eat"

Orange Juice

"Are we all just crows to you now?"

there are so many parts of this song that i absolutely adore... it's so hard to pick one. the post-chorus is genuinely incredible. my favorite part of the song.

Strawberry Wine

"No thing defines a man like love that makes him soft"

Growing Sideways

"I'm terrified that I might never have met me."

Halloween

"But the wreckage of you, I no longer reside in And the bridges have long since been burnt"

Homesick

"I got dreams, but I can't make myself believe them. Spend the rest of my life with what could have been And I will die in the house that I grew up in"

as i've said before.... this song seems to perfectly sum up what being in your 20s is like lmao. (it's very much about growing up in new england but it's also so 'what being in your 20s is like' to me)

Still

"You miss something that you can't place but you can't deny it"

The View Between Villages

"The things that I lost here, the people I knew They got me surrounded for a mile or two."

The View Between Villages (extended) <- technically the last song on the album but i'm putting it here so it goes with the original

"I'm back between villages and everything's still"

okay i was going to pick a lyric that was unique to the extended version but i couldn't. i just love this one, i have to represent it.

Your Needs, My Needs

"I'm naming the stars in the sky after you"

however, the bridge is also INCREDIBLE and perhaps my favorite part but i don't want to just write the entirety of it. and i think what makes it my favorite is less the lyrics and just the way he sings it and the way it... intensifies and gets louder?? idk. but it makes me crazy.

Dial Drunk

"'Son are you a danger to yourself?' Fuck that sir, just let me call"

another one where the bridge is my favorite part of the song and i didn't want to just write the entirety of it lol. this line IS from the bridge though

Paul Revere

"And the world makes sense behind a chain-link fence If I could leave, I would have already left"

No Complaints

"Yes, I'm young and living dreams In love with being noticed and afraid of being seen"

Call Your Mom

"I'll drive, I'll drive all night I'll call your mom"

once again, the bridge is the best part of the song imo but this line gets to me too. this whole song makes me tear up though... had to force myself not to cry one time when it came on while i was in the car with my dad.

You're Gonna Go Far

"We ain't angry at you, love You're the greatest thing we lost"

this is the hinata shouyou song to me... so ofc this is my favorite line. <33 i think about him and karasuno whenever i listen to it and it makes me so so so emo, i want to cry. hinata fans gather and listen to this song.

also have recently started appreciating "Making quiet calculations where the fault lies"... makes me think about a certain ship that i'm sure you will never be able to guess [sarcasm] <- world's most predictable girl

[murraybaumandetectiveagency]

I try not to get blinded by my love for Byler and cry "Byler endgame!" without actually going through all the evidence for and against Byler. I am a lesbian, I very much look for queer romance in everything that I watch. I want representation because I relate so much more when it's same sex couples. I can still enjoy shows without it, but my brain is wired to search for the gays. So I know that I am biased when I look at these things.

At the same time I also know that someone who is straight might not see the queer coding and messages in the same light. They don't have the same experience as a queer person. Yes, a lot of straight people ship Byler and might root for them to be endgame, but I still don't think they can understand it as deeply as someone who is queer.

At the same time, I know that for a straight couple to be interesting to me they need to really prove it. Think about the amount of movies where you instantly know that two characters will get together even though they have no chemistry at all or never is shown to actually begin to form a relationship. Action movies does this a lot. Sloppy writing. I'm not saying ST does this but if you compare a couple like Joyce and Hopper, which I've been rooting for since season 1, they really got me engaged in this ship even though it's not really in my nature to ship straight ships. When Robin showed up in S3 I really didn't feel anything between her and Steve and I was so afraid when the moment would come when they would be forced together because it so obviously didn't work. But then Robin was a lesbian and I cried happy tears because finally Stranger Things had a character that I related to. They actually dared to make her a lesbian when the romance angle didn't work (fyi they planned for her to be a love interest at the beginning but changed their minds and made her gay).

My point is that we all have different viewpoints and we have to be careful not to get blinded by our biases. I will see gay before straight and straights will see straight before gay. It's quite natural actually.

So I have decided to make it a point to find arguments against Byler and to some extent even for Mileven. By doing so I can help myself see it from a different angle and see if the proof we have for Byler to be endgame actually holds up. Because as my first ever post on this blog said - I am terrified of being queerbaited again. #johnlocktrauma