#I want to read part 2
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brainwashed / sigma
prompt... "I'm yours. / Tell me you're mine." & "You've done enough teasing. Now it's my turn."
contains...! smut, toy usage (fleshlight), handjobs, teasing, begging, one use of "good boy", slight perv!sigma, possessive!reader
AFAB Reader.
949 words.
Sigma felt dirty.
Every time you bent over the casino table to roll your die, he couldn’t help but stare at your backside. Your skirt rode up every time you did so, giving him a pretty view of your panties. As his eyes wandered down to get another peek, you turned around. Waving in his direction, gesturing for him to join you. Sigma panicked, placing a hand over the front of his slacks before turning on his heel. Making quick strides toward his suite.
To say you were confused was an understatement. Usually, Sigma would join you no matter what. Giving you pointers and cheering you on when you won. Something was definitely wrong. You abandoned what you were doing. Making your way toward Sigma’s room. You didn’t dare to knock, you were too concerned to even think about doing so. “Sigma, are you okay-“ You quickly shut the door behind you. Freezing at the unexpected sight.
Sigma was sprawled out on his bed, clothes lazily pulled off, and an interesting toy clasped in one of his hands. “Y-Y/n ah, please… don’t look! I-I can explain…” You didn’t respond. Instead, you made your way to the side of his bed. Admiring the way his whole body flushed. He averted his gaze from you, pressing his free hand over his aching cock to hide from your view.
“Shh, it’s okay. Why don’t you tell me what happened, baby?” He flushed further at your term of endearment, taking a moment to compose his thoughts before he spoke up.
“W-Well… I feel wrong for saying this but- I got… excited watching you… just now…”You climbed atop the bed at this point. Slowly moving his hand away from his cock as he continued speaking.
“I-I deeply apologize y/n. I wasn’t t-thinking clearly…” His gaze finally met yours, and he was shocked to see you weren’t appalled by his confession.
“Sigma, baby, what’s this?” You gestured to the strange toy in his hand.
His blood ran cold in his veins. He had almost forgotten about the obscene device.
“Um… Nikolai gave this to me- he called it a fleshlight… I-I was going to use it t-to…” You touched his lips, “Shh… relax, it’s okay my love. Here, let me help you with this problem of yours. It’s only fair, right?” His eyes widened at your offer, not even realizing that you grasped the fleshlight in your own hands.
You lined it up to his cock, waiting for his approval before granting him that well-needed friction. “Oh g-god, yes- please!” He stuttered out. Bringing his hands up to grip the front of your shirt as you moved your hand down his cock. Working the toy around his length vigorously, heat rushing to your core at the sight of Sigma falling apart before you.
He couldn't take his eyes off yours as he scored his bottom lip with his teeth. Needy little whines slipped out as Sigma gripped the front of your shirt even fiercer. Knuckles turning white in the process. "Hah... w-wait, y/n- it's too much! I don't think I'll be able to last m-much longer if you keep... ah- doing t-that-!"
His words went in one ear and out the other. Instead of slowing down, you began working the toy over his cock quicker. You couldn't help yourself. Sigma's desperation left your mind reeling. You were the only one who got to see him like this, and it caused a strong sense of admiration to rise in your chest.
"Tell me you're mine."
You huffed out, never once taking your eyes off his muted orbs. His whole body tensed at your request. You could tell he was mere moments away from toppling over the edge, and you were going to grant him that release... after he said those two little words.
Sigma whined as your hand came to a stop around his cock. He sat up slightly, leaning into your face before he pleaded, "Don't s-stop! I'm so... c-close, please-!" You brought your free hand up to cup his chin, pulling him impossibly closer to you. Noses brushing up against one another before you quipped out,
"Just say the magic words, baby. That's all you have to do." Sigma's brows knitted together, and you could feel his cock twitching wildly from within the toy. You chuckled under your breath at his cute reactions.
"I'm y-yours!"
"Good boy."
You wasted no time working the slick toy up and down his sensitive cock with ease. The obscene noises coming from the fleshlight echoed throughout his mind as you captured his lips with yours. Silencing his needy whimpers and whines while the coil within him snapped. Sigma's eyes rolled back into his head as he spilled his load within the confines of the toy.
His hips twitched off the bed as you worked him through his high. Slowing down your movements against him the moment you felt his hands reach down to tug your sleeve. Signaling you to stop. Sigma pulled away from your lips with a faint whine. Resting his forehead against yours.
"N-No more... please..." He huffed out, pulling your wrist once more. You finally obliged, tugging your hand and the used toy off of his cock slowly. Earning a weak hiss from Sigma. His whole body shuddered as the cool air hit his wet cock.
"Aww, how adorable!" You cooed out. Running your hand that still cupped his chin down lower. Tracing down the expanse of his exposed chest, drawing yet another desperate moan from the flushed man. Sigma regained a little bit of his composure, taking your wandering hand into your own before he whispered,
"You've done enough teasing. Now it's my turn."
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my campaign hiatus has gone on for too long so to cope ive combined my interests at their maximum potency and had some dnd-strawhats thoughts
thoughts in depth under read more... :)!
this is SO self indulgent. their designs literally did not change. but i am a firm believer that dnd doesnt have to be european high fantasy. and also one piece literally IS fantasy. no changes are necessary to fit into dnd. ive already imagined plenty of campaign/oneshot ideas inspired by one piece. so this was basically just an exercise of trying to replicate their canon abilities in dnd 5e as much as possible without totally homebrewing everything. well. aside from luffy. you just cant take away or change his stretching.
LUFFY: (human monk. drunken master subclass. outlander)
the only plain human of the crew to balance out with the fact that he still has rubber powers. obviously a monk. but drunken master subclass specifically because i think the flavor(not the fact that its about being a drunkard) and abilities both fit him really well. this line in the subclass' flavortext especially fits him: "A drunken master often enjoys playing the fool to bring gladness to the despondent or to demonstrate humility to the arrogant, but when battle is joined, the drunken master can be a maddening, masterful foe."
ZORO: (tiefling fighter. samurai subclass. bounty hunter)
a fighter with the samurai subclass is so very incredibly obvious... but i actually had a lot of fun geeking out while comparing the abilities to what he can do in canon; Fighting Spirit, Rapid Strike, and Strength Before Death especially! tiefling is also pretty on the nose for his demon pirate hunter shtick and asura form, but i thought he'd be really human-passing for a tiefling and theorized about his tail getting cut off at some point or another before joining the strawhats. initially wasnt gonna give him a feat, but i gave sanji a feat so i thought itd be unfair to not give him one as well, so sentinel fits the bill pretty well i think!
NAMI: (tabaxi rogue. arcane trickster subclass. criminal)
cat burglar -> full grown literal humanoid cat. this one is INCREDIBLY self indulgent... i love... cats... theres nothing deeper to this and no other reasoning. i took cat burglar and ran with it. can you tell that i love izutsumi dungeon meshi? rogue for the aforementioned burglar-ing as well, and the arcane trickster subclass for when she picks up climatact! the mage hand will be very useful for her pickpocketing. in the future as she levels up with timeskip, i can totally see her multiclassing into wizard as well! weather wizard!
USOPP: (lightfoot halfling artificer. artillerist subclass. urchin)
I HAD SO MUCH FUN THINKING ABOUT HIS CHARACTER SHEET. halfling's Naturally Stealthy ability lets him hide behind his crewmates since theyre (almost) all bigger than him, so its perfect for hiding behind zoro or sanji all the time. Lucky is also perfect for him, and I think Brave fits pretty well too when he puts on the sogeking mask. artillerist artificer is also very fun! tinkering and making magic items for his crew, and i think Eldritch Canon or Arcane Firearm could both be easily reflavored as kabuto or any of his inventions. for emphasizing his sniper-ness, the spell sniper feat was also necessary. i think hes my favorite of all the concepts. big ears and long nose combo is so cute to me.
SANJI: (half-elf monk. drunken master subclass. guild artisan (cook!))
race was mostly based on vibes i wont lie. squints. and that vinsmoke balogna or whatever too ig. but mostly vibes. along with the idea that i think a dwarf zeff raising him would be really funny and cute. monk is also obvious, and same subclass as luffy for mostly the same reasons. though the flavor fits him much less, i think the abilities still fit him perfectly, and this blurb specifically; "Your martial arts technique mixes combat training with the precision of a dancer." i really wanted to give him a different subclass from luffy, but i dislike all the other monk subclasses a lot and i found none of them fit him as well anyways, so to try and give them SOME differences, i gave him the crusher feat.
CHOPPER: (awakened deer(shifter statblock) cleric. life subclass. hermit)
this ones definitely a mouthful im sorry. awakened deer for obvious reasons, but due to magic instead of devil fruit stuff. when i was struggling with his race, i looked a lot at shifter because of his forms, but it occurred to me that itd be super cool if he could shift between all of the different shifter options instead of being stuck with just one to replicate his rumble balls. something like heavy point/guard point=beasthide, horn point/arm point(?maybe?)=longtooth, walk point/jumping point=swiftstride, and brain point=wildhunt. hed definitely need some kind of nerf though to balance out that homebrew... and cleric for class. duh.
ROBIN: (high elf wizard. order of scribes subclass. criminal)
robin is definitely the one i struggled the most with just because of her class. elf came pretty easily- shes very elegant and i think shed look cute with super long ears- and i landed on high elf instead of wood elf for the int-based abilities. i was really on the fence between sorcerer and wizard for her because i knew shed be a full spellcaster, but i didnt feel that any of the subclasses really fit her. i ended up going with wizard for order of the scribes since it focuses on texts and knowing everything. but also because robin with a flying talking sentient book would be crazy cool. it could also be similar to how she spawns mouths and eyes places to talk to or watch people. my "fuck it, why not. this would be rad. its my house" mindset kicked in with her i will admit. also the One with the Word ability made me cackle out loud when i read it. thats the funniest ability ever. anyways, i cant really think of a way to replicate her powers, but maybe we could just reflavor a bunch of spells to be her limbs or clutch; hold person, maximillian's earthen grasp, or evard's black tentacles. thatd probably work okay, and theres a handful of spells to replicate her ability to spawn eyes or mouths. unrelated, but i imagine nico olvia to be a drow. why? her hair is white. i am a simple man!
#had a full on fixation explosion with this one Dont even look at me im posting this at 4am for a reason.#I HAD FUN THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. I MISS DND SO BAD. CAMPAIGN HIATUS OVER SOON. I MUST LIVE#not really like an au or redesign or whatever but i wanted to draw a lineup anyways to show just. very miniscule differences#i guess. mostly an excuse just to draw a lineup of the strawhats. i fucknig guess#will probably do a part 2 cause i have more thoughts; franky+brook+ace+vivi are on the menu boys#its bothering me so much that usopp and nami are both orange in the read more. but there is no yellow text-fill on tumblr. sad#also just fist fought this post in the drafts for an hour bc i dont understand the character limit#so if i fucked this up im moving to the mountains#wtf... art#one piece fanart#dnd#dnd 5e#mugiwara crew#straw hat pirates#monkey d luffy#luffy#roronoa zoro#zoro#cat burglar nami#nami#usopp#black leg sanji#sanji#tony tony chopper#nico robin
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We're not so different, you and I. Part 1, Part 2
From Critical Role C2 E92: Home Is Where the Heart Is
#working on something 👀#it has only taken me 3.5 years to finally properly draw Caleb#ever since reading Yasha's comic I've been inspired to draw this scene#the next part specifically is what I wanted to draw#it's gonna be great#not for these two tho#critical role#crit role#critical role fanart#caleb widogast#yasha nydoorin#cr caleb#cr yasha#cr#cr2#cr campaign 2#the mighty nein#art#khalliys
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one of these nights
#trigun#trimax#trigun maximum#vash the stampede#nicholas d. wolfwood#vash centric?#vashwood#<- if u want it to be#its about the codependency of it all🤌#going back to my old art from this past summer and trying to finish them part.1#tried to fix the dialogues so many times bc no they wouldnt fcking say that#was reading trimax vol.1-2 at the time so i got inspired to sprinkle some of the slight tension they had going on👍👍#vash turning miserable & acting like a dog who got left in a cardboard box under the rain when the guy who keeps him in check leaves shortl#if 98' vash is the silly over-drinking with strangers type when he's by himself then trimax vash is the moppy lone wolf drinker#i need more miserable drunk vash#also the way i ended the last page unintentionally makes it look like the prequel to my <Heartbeat> comic haha#drafted both around the same time and i didnt even realize#raepliica_art
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HELLO???? I'm OBSESSED with their reunion scene 😭💘
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((this is also availabe as a print!!))
#and at the end of act 2???#after all that suffering#this???#I'm gonna need 4-5 business days to recover#bg3spoilers#baldursgate3spoilers#dame aylin#night song#isobel thorm#isobel bg3#bg3#augh#i want to be isobal so bad ngl#not the crazy dad part but#you know#you still reading the tags?? mwah kiss on the forehead#janedoe297 art
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act 4 :(
@chipper-smol and i came to a realization
#THID FUCKING GAAAAAAAMMMMEEEEE#i have more i wanna draw but my hands not working orz.. maybe ill get around to it later idk#i finally FINALLY managed to get inside that star room.. my own clone!! now neither of us will be virgins!!!!#i dont have anything to go off of but when the journal mentions making another 'me' it reminds me of loop saying theyre like a mirror#theyre always able to read siffrins mind without actually reading their mind (or so they say) but maybe it could just be tone matching???#or smth like that.. idk if these two things are connected though so maybe its more like subtext#i hope im not the only one who made the childrens hospital joke when it came around to color lore part 2#im also getting the sinking feeling of watching siffrin toe his way near the deep end like bro is so so close to losing it#i feel like if i knew nothing abt the game beforehand and why siffrin is looping in the first place my feelings abt this would be different#cuz id be pretty angry too if ive been stuck in a loop long enough to feel like everyone around me is pretending nothings wrong#than the fact that i have decided not to disclose im in a time loop and that everyone is living this day for the first time#although i also get hes doing this for a reason and when u believe in the universe i guess it also comes with sunk cost fallacy#'this is the path the universe led me down before i even knew what i wanted so all i can do is double down' THATS THE FATALISM TALKING#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#isat act 4 spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sona#puppysona#friends#chipper#doodles
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-draws human battering ram König like its my next hit of crack-
#könig#nobody ever wants to mention this part of his bio but honey ive been daydreamin ever since i read abt it 😏💭#ok im drawing one last request over in nfswland then THATS IT im working on the comic i wanna be done by early january#bc i get a fuckload of time off in late december so i should be able to zooom through it#but its also like A Key section that ive been thinknig abt forever so i need it to be Good as well#thank god i can just start right were ive been wanting to no more build up YEEHAWW#well for This part#my art#fanart#call of duty modern warfare 3#call of duty modern warfare 2#call of duty modern warfare#call of duty#konig#konig mw2#blood#blood tw
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Sauron, Galadriel, & Tolkien's Theology of Repentance - Part One
Summary: Character meta analysis on Sauron (and Galadriel, through the lens of Sauron). Based on both Silmarillion & RoP canon. 3.5k words. Discussion of Catholic theology involved. Blanket TW for discussion of violence, manipulation, etc., because Sauron. Spoilers for S1 & S2 and the Silmarillion, of course. The tragedy of Sauron is that he gets offered so many legitimate chances at redemption and forgiveness, and he denies them every single time. But we know he wants absolution, because that’s what he sees Galadriel as: his chance to bind himself back to the light, to be Mairon again, to heal the pain that he caused and that was caused to him under Morgoth. But because he has such a warped view of himself and his actions, he dismisses genuine extensions of compassion, forgiveness, and care as simultaneously beneath him and too good for him. And yet, he still pursues redemption, but through none of the channels offered to him.
In The Rings of Power, he’s given the explicit instruction to change for the good in the village after he’s reborn. He’s given the chance leave his past behind and work meaningfully in Númenor. He’s given the chance to redeem himself by Galadriel's offer of friendship (or love, depending on your interpretation). In the Silmarillion, he's even given the chance by Eönwë himself, and comes close to leaving Morgoth behind completely!
Let's look at this passage from Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age (emphasis mine):
When Thangorodrim was broken and Morgoth overthrown, Sauron put on his fair hue again and did obeisance to Eönwë the herald of Manwë, and abjured all his evil deeds. And some hold that this was not at first falsely done, but that Sauron in truth repented, if only out of fear, being dismayed by the fall of Morgoth and the great wrath of the Lords of the West. But it was not in the power of Eönwë to pardon those of his own order, and he commanded Sauron to return to Aman and there receive the judgement of Manwë. Then Sauron was ashamed, and he was unwilling to return in humiliation to receive from the Valar a sentence, it might be, of long servitude in proof of his good faith; for under Morgoth his power had been great. Therefore when Eönwë departed he hid himself in Middle-earth; and he fell back into evil, for the bonds that Morgoth had laid upon him were very strong.
This passage is clear that Eönwë is willing to pardon Sauron--he simply did not posses the power to do so. But when Sauron was told he must appeal directly Manwë, he gave up entirely and skulked back to Middle-earth. There are a few ways to read this:
1. He was not wholly repentant
Sauron simply wanted the protection of a new master in the absence of Melkor. i.e., he was rather fickle and simply wanted to be on whatever the "winning" side was. This is supported by the text literally saying that at least some of his obeisance was completely false, and that he only made a point of feeling bad about anything once his master had been chucked into the Void and his armies and strongholds were being destroyed (Thangorodrim). In this reading, perhaps Eönwë saw Sauron's treachery and referred him to Manwë knowing that it would be a test of his true intent. However, while a valid interpretation, I believe this to be the less holistic of the two.
2. He was truly repentant
Sauron did truly feel badly and "abjured all his evil deeds," but he was unwilling/unable to humble himself after being so fundamentally broken by Melkor and developing an insatiable power lust (hey, he isn't defined in the narrative by lust and pride for nothing).
Earlier in this same chapter, Tolkien wrote that Sauron could "...deceive all but the most wary." This is in the specific context of his physical shapeshifting. But, I would argue that this can also be tied to his lies. Tolkien has a specific ethic of beauty, where physical perfection is equated with moral goodness. Sauron completely inverts what is otherwise a hard and fast rule within Tolkien's writings by being the character most frequently described as "fair"--seven times to Lúthien's six, and she was the most beautiful woman to have ever lived!
(Side note: I have another post on Tolkien & beauty in the works where I'll get more into this idea)
Why does this matter? Even though this interaction with Eönwë takes place in the First Age, Sauron could at this point be in the demonic form Mirdania describes in the forge. And, I am inclined to believe that Eönwë, as the head Maiar and herald of Manwë, would be a pretty wary guy, and thus able to sense any of Sauron's trickery. I read this to mean that Eönwë looked at Sauron and saw his potential to be Mairon again, either in absence of his evil form or in spite of it.
Because Sauron is incredibly beautiful. And even if it is a disguise of the true, depreciated form of his spiritual essence, he presented himself to Eönwë at his most beautiful. He wanted, even in his act of repentance, to make himself more favorable in Eönwë's eyes. To show up as Mairon (who was likely close friends with Eönwë before everything went down, since they are considered to be two of the most powerful Maia and would have worked closely together).
But I don't think this was all manipulation on Sauron's end. I agree with the scholars mentioned in the text who believed that Sauron was truly repentant--which is why Eönwë even bothered referring him to Manwë instead of kicking him into the Void with Melkor.
And this is the tragedy: Sauron is told exactly how to repent, and believes fundamentally that it is an impossible path for him. And yet, he still longs so intrinsically for it! He was, under Aulë, a Maia of precision, perfection, and order. Under Morgoth, he feels disordered, dis-regulated. He needs to correct the fundamental imbalance within him, so why does he flee Eönwë?
It comes back to Sauron's pride.
If he follows through with this path of reconciliation, there is no way he can hide or pretend his actions away. If he cannot trick his fellow Maiar, he certainly cannot trick the Valar. And he cannot stand the idea of submitting himself back under their rule, especially now that he has tasted power. This is a pride wound; it is why the idea of confessing to Manwë would be humiliating to him as opposed to just upsetting/uncomfortable.
Again, the pivotal moment: he is told how to make amends for crimes and determines that he cannot do it. So he returns to Middle-earth and stews in his own self-hated and self-pity for a few years. In that time, he consciously or subconsciously latches onto Eönwë's offer--forgiveness from penance. It is the way forward. And if he cannot earn penance at Manwë's hand, he will do it on his own.
The Prodigal Son
This is where we have to talk about the Catholic roots of Tolkien's work for a moment. The scene where Sauron approaches Eönwë mirrors the biblical parable of the prodigal son. In this story, a man abandons his family, spends all his money, and falls into ruin. But when he recognizes his failings and returns to his father to get help, he is welcomed back into the family without question--in other words, he is forgiven and restored to his former position.
17 But when he [the prodigal son] came to himself he said, “How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.’” 20 So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. - Luke 15:11-32, NRSV CE (emphasis mine)
The parallel is clear; Mairon, the repentant Maia, returns home with hopes of reconciliation. He is prescribed the same task that the prodigal son offered to his father: he must be bound in servitude to his father/creator in order to pay off his debts. This is a deliberate allusion from Tolkien. The story of the prodigal son models the path of reconciliation that Eönwë describes. Tolkien seems to be drawing a line in the sand with this: Sauron is unwilling to do the work required by the Valar for repentance, so he is unable to receive the grace of a warm welcome back into the fold of the Ainur. Since he did not humble himself, he has to be told to do it. And he does not want to! He wants to be loved, but he also wants his power--evidence, in a way, of how his character was fundamentally altered in his time with Morgoth.
His pride--and his fear--cut him off from the potential of grace. He does not know for certain that Manwë would subject him to servitude (though I would argue that it's textually evident that it is a custom), but this assumption leads him to flee, which allows him to slip back into his old ways.
He wants to be Mairon (admirable) again, not Sauron (abhorrent). He wants to be accepted and loved, but not punished. He wants the benefits of reconciliation without the work he would have to do to earn it or the shame he would feel as he did. It's pride, but it's also deep shame--the flip side of his extreme ego is an implicit self-hatred, one that we can see in the subtext of how he speaks about himself and about his time with Morgoth.
Even the language Tolkien uses is heavily shame-coded, especially in a Catholic context; Mairon did not go willingly, he was "seduced." He admits to Celebrimbor that he was "tortured by a god". It becomes exceedingly clear through both text and on-screen canon that Sauron was routinely broken and abused for centuries. This has fundamentally damaged his self-perception, which is ultimately what leads him to "[fall] back into evil"--whether due to pride or shame, he hides, perhaps because he consciously or subconsciously does not believe that he deserves forgiveness, no matter how much he craves it.
Naked in the Garden
His flight back to Middle-earth after meeting Eönwë is reminiscent of another biblical scene, where Adam and Eve, after committing the first sin, hide from God in shame and fear (emphasis mine):
7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked...9 But the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 He said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.” -Genesis 7-10, NRSV CE
The image of nakedness is, here, one of vulnerability, and Tolkien establishes that Sauron fears that which he cannot control. He needs the Rings under his power. He needs his armies and his enemies under his watchful eye. He is petrified of letting his power slip away (possibly due to never wanting to feel powerless in the hands of a Vala, fallen or not, again).
The biblical allusion here hearkens back to the fear Tolkien describes Sauron as feeling regarding his return to the Ainur. In the religious system Tolkien has established, which is likely inspired by his own religious beliefs, Sauron has sinned, and must make penance. But he is afraid of God/Manwë, and does not want to "let go" of his sin. In other words, he is not truly repentant. This reflects the Catholic sacrament of confession, which requires self-reflection and resolve to never commit the sin again.
Instead of shame driving him to contrition, it drives him to isolation.
But he still wants forgiveness. So, in his years of hiding in Middle-earth, he decides to earn it himself. His own way.
Enter the Rings.
Sauron wants to perfect the wrong he wreaked so that he can both earn his way back into the Ainur and keep his power. But what he does not realize is that this does not work. Eönwë is clear that he must forsake his true temptation--absolute power--through penance by submission. Yet Sauron in his pride thinks he can have it all. Sauron is a very carefully controlled villain, and the only times he snaps or makes significant mistakes are when his inflated self-perception is challenged, revealing the self-loathing and/or self-pity underneath. The best example of this is when he kills Celebrimbor prematurely, and cries afterwards. Why? Because Celebrimbor was right about him, and he hates it. He hates knowing that he is nothing more than the Morgoth's shadow, because Morgoth was his master as much as he was his tormentor. As Sauron puts it, his relationship with Morgoth was often defined by pain as a test to see "whose will was the mightier":
This image carries more shame, both in its implicit sexual connotations and in the simple power dynamic of it. Sauron, even though misguided, is rallying against Morgoth. He wants to break what Morgoth has created and build something new, something better, something apart from his old master entirely. But Celebrimbor confronts him with reality: he has not created something new, and perfect, and special, as he so wanted to--he can only act in imitation, not in generation. And when he got close with the Rings, it cost him everything. It's almost like he wants the power of a Vala, and loathes that he cannot attain it.
And this is why he becomes so singularly obsessed with Galadriel.
She’s his foil. They both crave power and adoration, but in the end of things, she does not fold under his temptation. She turns down everything she has ever wanted for the greater good and for the sake of her own soul. Sauron looks at Galadriel and perceives that she would have succeeded at Eönwë's test because she is willing and able to humble herself. This maddens him to the point of both desiring her and desiring to break her.
She learns that she is easily tempted and becomes strong enough to handle it (through a lot of tough love from Elrond & co.). She has to learn how to do it, but she is able to.
She grows from someone who resisted and rejected authority to someone who is trusted as an authority because of her ability to wield it wisely (see: Gil-galad allowing her to answer for him in 2x08).
In other words, she earns the trust, love, and support of her community. Sauron has to force his to comply—it is an illusion of love.
His possessive obsession with her also stems from her fairness. She was the object of her uncle Fëanor's obsessive desire for creation as well. Her hair was the inspiration of the Silmarils (see: The History of Galadriel and Celeborn; The Shibboleth of Fëanor - source with page #s here), which Morgoth desired more than anything to possess.
Sauron, wanting to spite his master, wants one better--to own that which inspired the Silmarils, to own the image of fairness (and thus of moral good) completely. This is why he wants to bind himself to her. This is why he needs her. He sees Galadriel as his mechanism of repentance, and his last triumph over Morgoth. Winning her is his salvation as much as it is proving that his will is the mightier. It is his way of dominating Morgoth. This starts, I think, as a genuine effort at proving himself to the Valar, but quickly consumes him entirely. He is overcome with the desire for revenge, just as Galadriel was at the beginning of the First Age.
And he sees this in her. Sees their similarities. Sees that she, too, is angry and lonely and so afraid of losing her power. And he leverages that to befriend her. This is where it gets ambiguous and you can read RoP as either painting the image of Sauron being earnest but completely misguided in his proposal, or you can see it as him being entirely manipulative.
I think the truth of that scene probably falls somewhere in the middle; just like when he presents himself to Eönwë, he is sincere in his desire, but only knows how to present it in an inherently contriving way. He does want to bind her to him, so he tries to only reveal to her the good aspect of that desire (and also of his desire for power, which he allows her to see because he believes that it is good and also because she understands it), and not the ugly underside of his internal struggle against Morgoth, the Valar, and himself.
And I do think, in his own way, he cared about her. Galadriel consistently shows kindness and compassion to him. In S1, they grow to know each other's minds and souls, and she considers him a close friend. He finds comfort in this, that someone could see the blackness of his heart and care for him anyway. He thought, in his isolation, that he lost that chance when he fled back to Middle-earth. And here is the very picture of the light itself telling him that she supports him, that she sees the good in him, that she wants to help him set the world to rights! Of course he is infatuated by this. Of course he also wants to use it. He is Sauron.
But Galadriel succeeds where he fails, so he stops playing nice and tries to forcibly drag her down with him. First, by baiting her with the image of the man she cared deeply for:
Then, by reminding her of all she is losing by rejecting him:
And she is still strong enough to say no. And not just to say no, but to shut the door completely. To look in the face of everything she has desired for centuries and turn it down, understanding that it will ruin her. Yes, she hesitates. Yes, she still wants it (wants him). But she wins the day by holding fast to the light that Sauron wishes so badly to bind himself to.
Because she has lost everything--her brother, her husband, the station as commander, the trust of her high king and best friend--and earns it back only through her resistance of her greatest temptation. It is a struggle, it is painful, it nearly kills her--but she does it. She wins the test that Sauron could not even bear to face.
In their headlong, self-sacrificial tendencies, they are the same. Both view themselves as fundamentally stronger/better than their peers while also being deeply lonely due to their self-imposed isolation (Galadriel's laser-focused hunt for revenge, Sauron's exile in Middle-earth). But to Galadriel, the light is more important than her pride.
For Sauron, the light is his source of pride. He desires it more than anything, but condemns himself to never being able to touch it due to his rejection of Eönwë's offer. Paradoxically, he tries to grasp at it through Galadriel, the living silmaril, and succeeds only in darkening her. We learn from Gil-galad in 2x08 that his crown piercing her flesh in an act of brutal domination nearly strips her soul from her and pitches it into the unseen world. In this, Sauron is saying: If I cannot have you, I will force you to need me. I will break you into loving me.
He says this to Celebrimbor as well. He no longer knows how to love properly. He only knows how to inflict pain until this object of his obessive desire needs him--just like how his immortal spirit was broken into submission by Morgoth. And isn't this revealing of his own sense of self? He refuses to suffer the path of light, but willingly suffers the maddening path of darkness because it is a comfortable, familiar suffering. One, he tells Celebrimbor, he even grew to enjoy (2x08). As the path of the Rings drive him madder and madder, his desire for the light (Galadriel) and the return of his power (Celebrimbor) become further disordered and corrupted until they culminate in him destroying them--and his chance at earning/owning them--entirely.
And this is Sauron's ultimate point of no return (which we will hopefully see in S3 🤞). The razing of Eregion and slaying of Celebrimbor were acts of petty rage he committed when his pride was injured. This was the final nail in the coffin. Galadriel, in her rejection of him, ruins what he sees as his true chance for redemption.
Galadriel, now stepping into the role of Eönwë, re-opens the invitation: "Heal yourself!" (2x08). But in rage and shame and stubborn pride, he turns it down again. I believe this is where his desire to heal Middle-earth shifts fundamentally into desire to dominate Middle-earth. He always wanted to rule, but now he wants to own.
#fae speaks#I spent hours pouring thru the Silm and RoP for this so if you enjoyed please let me know I'd love love love to talk about it more <33#sauron is my favorite freak in all of tolkien's lore rn I want to study him like a bug#btw this is saurondriel (and even silvergifting? if u squint) positive but with loads of nuance. i see haladriel as love and saurondriel as#possession. both are fun in fiction of course but I want to acknowledge how deeply messed up the dynamic is#but also! it's fiction! do whatever you want with it! if you want saurondriel to get a happy ending then do it <3#and send me the fic so i can read it because i'm team half-maia celebrian hehe#also if there are any glaring gaps in my knowledge of the silm pls lemme know it's been a minute since i've read it all the way through#part two will be on beauty and evil in tolkien's cosmology :)#tolkien#the silmarillion#the rings of power#rings of power#trop#rop#sauron#halbrand#annatar#galadriel#sauron x galadriel#saurondriel#haladriel#trop spoilers#trop season 2#trop meta#rop meta#rop theory#trop theory#celebrimbor#my metas
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no one asked but this is the post that inspired this! thank u immensely for the luv <3 number 1 comment was wondering what steve’s bids were & from his pov, so without further ado...enjoy — part one here!
—
Begrudgingly, Eddie has to admit that Robin might be right.
It’s impossible not to be looking for the bids since he brought them up to her. Even though Eddie was fully expecting to tell Robin to suck it, maybe even wager what little money he had against this working out, Eddie can’t help but watch for them in every interaction. And fuck, she’s right.
They’re little, but they’re there.
The first one Eddie would’ve missed if he wasn’t looking for it. Actually, that’s a lie; Eddie does miss it, until Robin points it out, the nosy bitch. It’s minuscule and honestly, it just seems like Steve asking his opinion — which friends do all the time! It’s why Eddie brushes right over it.
“Okay, be honest,“ Steve had said, walking and talking as he entered the living room where Robin and Eddie were sprawled across the couches. They were both waiting on him, the three of them set on heading out to the drive-in to catch a film.
Eddie can’t fathom why Steve felt the need to change his outfit for it, but when he returns, he gets it. It’s not quite the usual polo Eddie had grown to like on Steve, this one hanging a little looser, the colour a bit darker than Steve’s usual choice, the sleeves a little shorter — almost midway to a muscle tee.
Steve’s fingers fiddle with the distressed collar of the shirt, smoothing invisible wrinkles and fussing over nothing. He swishes back his floppy hair with a flick of his head. “It’s a new shirt, I know it’s a little different - but what do we think?”
He says we but he’s looking at Eddie.
Eddie, who has taken to trying to reel in his gawp because what the fuck Steve? It’s like he’s well aware of what drives Eddie insane and has specifically leaned into it. Some evil goblin in Eddie’s brain whispers think how good he’d look in your shirt and he squashes it, giving a visible twitch to shut down that train of thought.
From the other couch, Robin clears her throat loudly and smiles sweetly at her best friend. “It looks great, Steve.”
It’s sincere and Steve’s mouth tugs up, nearly a smile but his gaze fast-tracks back to Eddie. Eddie nods in agreement, a bit sluggish from his distracting thoughts and god dammit, the extra exposed skin of Steve’s arms are so not helping. “Yeah, looks... looks good, man.”
Steve smiles, lips pressed together but his shoulders curl in just a bit, deflating just a tad. From where Steve can’t see her, Robin waves her hands wildly and catches Eddie’s attention. He watches as she gestures wildly and it takes a moment to realise what’s she mouthing — ‘A bid! That’s a bid, you idiot!’
Oh fuck, Eddie thinks. Cos it totally was; the question, the focus on Eddie. He doesn’t even think about the logistics of it, of the fact Robin was right, just jumps right into picking up the bid.
“You trying a new style?” Eddie asks and then thanks whatever god invented the whole fake-it-to-you-make-it schtick because he’s feeling so far from casual or confident. “Going metal on me, big boy?”
Eddie just manages to catch the grin that breaks across Steve’s face as he turns away, giving a scoff — it comes out too soft though, giving away his complete lack of annoyance. He pulls that usual Steve Harrington pose, hands sliding onto his hips, and screws his face into some melted smiley-grimace. “Shut up, Munson.”
Eddie grins and goads on the blush that’s beginning on Steve’s neck, a glorious tinged pink colour. “If this shirt is any indication, you’d pull it off just fine.”
Eddie watches the blush climb higher as Steve ignores the comment, his smile still giving him away. He grabs his coat and pats down his jeans — ridiculous tight acid wash jeans that Eddie hates he’s somehow become attracted to — ensuring he has his keys and wallet. Once assured, he looks up at his two friends again, brows raised, and says, “Ready to rock and roll?”
That comment alone has Eddie seriously reconsidering his type in men.
There’s only a brief moment to talk about it when Eddie and Robin cajole Steve into going and getting them both popcorn to get a moment alone. Steve had scoffed, face twitching in the way it did whenever he tried to hold back a bitchy comment, but he still stomped off in the direction of the snack stand.
The moment he’s out of earshot, both voices explode in the back of Eddie’s van.
“What did I say—”
“Jesus H Christ, you were right—”
“Literally how many times do I have—”
“Oh my god, you were right—”
“ —before you realise I’m always—”
“Robin.” He cuts her off, hands landing on her shoulders. Robin eyes them warily, lips still parted from how her rant had been cut off. “Robin, I’m gonna kill you.”
“What?” Robin’s nose scrunches up. “What the hell are you—”
“Oh Christ, I can’t believe- how long have you noticed those bids?” Eddie’s aware he sounds a bit estranged, eyes probably wide and it doesn’t help when he softly shakes Robin back and forth. She lets herself be shaken, hair flying back in forth. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! You are such a bad gay friend!”
Robin smacks his hands off her shoulders with a frown, her freckly face perturbed at Eddie’s outburst. “Dude, it’s not my fault! May I remind you that until very very recently you were seeing someone else? What difference would it have made?”
Eddie waves his hand, disregarding the point with a shake of his head. His unkempt curls cover his face and Eddie sweeps them back in one motion, “What difference would it have made? Oh my, Jesus—“
Whatever long-winded sentence Eddie was about to spit out is lost by the sound of Steve’s approaching footsteps, effectively shutting both of them up.
Eddie flings himself to the other side of the van, putting an unusual amount of distance between Robin and him like they were being caught doing something they shouldn’t.
Robin frowns at him and gestures wildly with her hands in a way that means what the fuck man? Eddie gestures back, though he’s not entirely sure what his fast hand motions are supposed to mean when Steve rounds the door.
He’s got two buckets of popcorn tucked under each arm and Eddie quickly crosses his arms, tucking his hands into his armpits like his stupid hand motions will somehow give him away.
Steve looks up, stopping just a way from the edge of the van, and looks at the pair of them. His eyes track from Robin still sitting on one of the old cushions and looking two seconds from burying her face in her hands, across to Eddie. He huffs a laugh and kneels on the edge of the van.
“I know he’s gross Robin,” He begins, tone light, as he holds out one of the buckets for Robin to take. “But c’mon, is the distance really necessary?”
Robin snickers as Eddie makes an appalled noise, both of which make Steve smirk. He holds out the other for Eddie to take and Eddie snatches it, glaring at him over the buttery rim for his comment. Then takes a handful and shovels it in because he can’t think of a witty comment to retaliate. Steve crawls into the van and plops himself between them with a content sigh.
“See? Gross.” He teases, shoving his hand into Eddie’s popcorn bucket to grab a handful. Eddie scowls and chews a little faster when the flavour on his tongue seems to register in his brain.
His eyes stare at the popcorn bucket as he chews, then swallows — up the front of the van, the radio that’s tuned into the correct frequency begins playing the opening credits song as the screen changes. Silence sweeps across the drive-in but despite the sudden hush, Eddie has no qualms about breaking it.
“Sweet n’ salty flavour?” He asks Steve, only half attempting a whisper. Robin shushes him instantly, her focus already on the movie that’s beginning. Steve smiles, looking a bit sheepish beneath the glow of the drive-in screen, but he nods.
“I know you like it.” He whispers with a small shrug of his shoulders. Like it wasn’t a big deal. Fuck, Eddie thinks again and hastily feeds himself another handful of popcorn before he says anything majorly stupid in response to that, like: Oh, amazing- have you noticed the big fat crush I have on you as well?
He doesn’t even need to look at Robin to know she’s smiling, smug as ever.
—
Steve, God bless his oblivious little heart, doesn’t even realise he’s doing it.
Steve likes Eddie. Eddie is— god, Eddie is different but he’s good.
He’s this strange amalgamation of traits that Steve can’t comprehend how they fit together in one body or how Eddie manages to pull it all off completely charmingly.
He’s loud, he says rude things, he’s fucking dorky, and far too sweet on the kids — he likes to tease Steve, and yet somehow, when Eddie calls him ‘pretty boy’, Steve knows he’s not actually making fun of him.
Steve likes Eddie, likes his boyishly endearing charm, likes his touchiness towards Steve that no other boy his age is like, likes his messy curls and his ‘holier than thou’ attitude about metal music even though Steve doesn’t get it, like at all. And fuck, Steve really wants Eddie to like him.
It reminds him faintly of when he first started working alongside Robin at Scoops. That thought tickles in the back of his mind, something along the lines of how he had wanted Robin to like him for other reasons, but he doesn’t delve into it.
To Steve, it’s simple: he just wants Eddie to like him.
After the night at the drive-in, between Eddie acting strangely skittish and Robin giving more amused snorts than usual, Steve knows something is up.
He knows they must have discussed something when they sent him on popcorn duty, the bastards. He tries his best to not feel left out; god knows Robin and he have more than a dozen secrets they’ve sworn not to tell anyone but each other.
Besides, Steve trusts Robin to come and tell him if he really needs to know, even if it does worry him a bit. He bites down his anxious thoughts, even trying for a moment to see if there’s a pattern he’s been missing.
That train of thought gets derailed when Steve recalls instead Eddie’s delightful reaction to his new shirt — that Steve definitely hadn’t bought for that specific reason.
Even though Robin had given him that look when he’d first shown it to her — her bright eyes had narrowed, her smile turning a little more coy, and Steve had felt his ears get a little hotter. She hadn’t said anything though, just suggested that he should wear it tomorrow night when they were going out with Eddie.
God, he was glad she suggested it.
Rewinding over Eddie’s parted lips, the way his brown eyes had drank in the details as they trailed up his body and lingered on his arms— Steve had the sudden thought to flex the muscle, just to elicit some reaction, but it had gone out the window at Eddie’s original dismal reaction.
‘Yeah, looks... looks good, man’. Said all aloof, like he hadn’t really thought it. It was like bursting a balloon hidden behind Steve’s ribs, one he wasn’t even aware was there until it was deflating pathetically, making his shoulders sag.
Then— ‘You trying a new style? Going metal on me, big boy?’ And dammit, it’s like Eddie had clocked exactly what calling him ‘big boy’ had done the first time in the Winnebago.
Eddie had then grinned, done another once over of the new shirt, even as Steve pretended to search for his keys and wallet while saying something snarky to try to cover up the heat crawling up his neck. Yet, Steve found himself smiling too because, fuck yes, Eddie liked it too.
But, apparently, whatever Eddie and Robin had discussed wasn’t considered important enough because Robin never brought it up.
The thought and worry about it melt away in Steve’s mind until the memory of that night is about Eddie’s compliment, about his cat-like grin over the popcorn bucket, and how he had leaned over to whisper every bad joke into Steve’s ear all through the movie.
Some of them had been down-right filthy jokes which Eddie only seemed to enjoy more when Steve screwed his face up and nudged Eddie in the ribs, yet unable to hide his smile.
After the third vulgar joke and subsequent nudge, Steve had chided ‘dude’ with a poorly hidden grin. Eddie, smile all cheeky, had nudged him back with a ‘dude’ of his own.
Which, of course, ensued a nudge competition til Robin had given a shush that librarians all over the world would be jealous of. But Steve didn’t even care because he and Eddie were arm to arm, pressed close together and Eddie…didn’t move. Stayed close, like he wanted the closeness the same way Steve did.
Steve only remembers the strange drive-in moment when Robin brings it up finally, on one interesting Saturday night.
It’s not the usual routine; it’s not very often that the whole group gets together to share drinks and get rowdy.
But it was for Robin’s birthday and she’d been persuasive enough to get even the introverts, like Jonathan, to come along. Though, she was aware he’d probably spend the night on a pool lounger, stoned to high heaven. Whatever floats your boat, she’d said, happy for the company in any form.
There’s enough of them there that it almost resembles some sort of party— and makes Steve try not to think about the last small party he threw here. He can tell Nancy notices it too, eyeing the pool a bit too long in a way he’s very familiar with, then taking a swig of beer.
So, Steve heckles them inside — doing a fantastic mothering impression as he waves the group indoors with a promise of pizza, and that has both Jonathan and Argyle perking up and beginning a fast discussion on the best pizza toppings.
Eddie makes a fuss, because of course he does, and moans terribly when Steve tries to roll him off the pool lounger he’s on. He’s had a bit of a joint and some beer, and Steve’s learned that he gets adorably stubborn after some substances.
“Stevie, this is mean,” he had pouted, gripping the edges of the lounger and staring up at Steve with those big brown eyes. “You telling me I did all that bonding with you for nothing? Can’t even lounge by the pool! I’ve got a couch at homeeeee.”
Steve had sent him an amused look of disbelief, hands on his hips after his first round of flicks against Eddie’s arm were apparently fruitless to get him to move. “Really? Didn’t peg you for a gold-digger, Eds.”
Eddie had snorted at that, one hand coming to slap over his mouth. Steve couldn’t quite hear what he had said but the words pegging and anytime slipped through and Steve thinks he could get the gist of that.
“Oh for Christ’s sake,” Steve muttered, feeling the tips of his ears turn warm. He didn’t know how Eddie could be such a menace— or why he enjoyed it so much when he was. Steve waved a hand in the direction of the doors, ignoring Eddie’s delighted snickering. “If you go inside now, you can be on music, alright?”
And that had finally got them all indoors, Eddie whooping and skedaddling through the doors in an instant, with a call of ‘no take backsies!’ echoing behind him.
Inside was much cozier, the whole group a little more connected when squished up on the couches together. Eddie had taken Steve’s word and was jamming a cassette into one of the speakers when Steve made it back inside after scouting around the pool for leftover cans and butts to throw out.
He’s just been thinking about what playful jab he could make at Eddie’s music, like Eddie always did to him when Robin hollered at him from the kitchen.
“Steve!” She’d yelled excitedly and he come to find her quick, brows raised as he entered the kitchen. She was grinning, already a bit jumpy as she got when she had a bit of liquor — but apparently not enough because when Steve saw what she’d called him in for, she’d announced, “Tequila shots!”
Which lead to now. A hazy combination of beer, tequila, and a bit of weed, and Steve is feeling good. Robin had managed to hijack the music not too long ago, with a hiccup of ‘it’s my birthday’ that had Eddie surrendering with a pout.
She’d since put on a bit of everything: some Blondie for Nance, Talking Heads for Jonathan, and some Bowie, just so she and Steve could dance along to ‘Magic Dance’ and she could do all the silly little goblin voices that made them both cackle.
Steve realised at some point that Robin was playing their mixtape, the one she’d made for driving in the morning, and nearly tripped stumbling over to her in his excitement. He grabbed her shoulders, not too hard, and squeezed.
“Is it- is this our mixtape?” Steve asked, words slurring only a bit. Robin gleamed, hair bouncing with her excited nod.
“Yes!” She was already dancing, even though the tape was between songs — because she knew what song was coming. “It’s Springsteen time, Steve!”
Right as the drums to Born to Run filtered out the speaker.
And oh, Steve loves Robin so much. He loves having a best friend that knows his favourite song and gets jittery and excited because she knows it’s about to play— that she put it on this mix for him.
“You’re my best friend!” Steve says, the words bursting out like he can’t control them. He doesn’t even feel embarrassed, just happy, just drunk, and overwhelming happy to be able to have this.
And even though Robin knows this, she still beams, feet dancing along and just begins to sing along with the song, “In the days, we sweat it out on the streets of a runaway American dream…”
It’s a brazen drunken performance from the both of them. Steve’s chest is heaving after just one chorus that he’s pretty sure he put his whole soul into and he’s so fucking happy —and it feels like pure instinct to seek out Eddie, his eyes scouring the room for him.
Eddie’s leaned up against the wall, hiding his smile behind a can and Steve doesn’t think twice about it— doesn’t think about why he’s so drawn to Eddie, why he wants to include him in this happiness — just extends his hand out and grins.
Eddie sees the bid coming this time.
Part Three.
—
yes i saw all ur lovely tags and MAYBE cried about it. but thats none of ur business.
@orangeandthefairroadkill @swimmingbirdrunningrock @sadcanadianwinter @phantypurple @omg-elledubs-things @henderdads @farfaras @mixsethaddams @prismandblue @kerlypride @bushbees @legitcookie @temporalcoffin @callmesirkay @beautifully-useless @millyditty @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @ninjapirateunicorns @darkwitchoferie @vi-the-best-you-can @psychosnowfox @desert-fern @scarletzgo @cr0w-culture @softpink-candlelight @livingforfictionalcharacters @makewavesandwar @kozuuji @rhapsodyinalto @eddiethesexy @cassaloopa @lightwoodbanethings @qu33rcommunist @moonlitkilljoy @starkdusk @theysherobinbuckley @sanguineterrain @loganwright @sillysparrow @hotcocoaharrington @eddie-munson-is-my-wife @she-is-tim @steddiehearts @sideblogofthcentury @sidebarre @corrodedcoughin @stevieclaus
#OBLIVIOUS STEVE IS MY FAVOURITE!!!!#idiots in love#they're so important to me ur honour#on god am i gonna make them KISS#but steve's gotta figure it out first lol#ruby writes steddie#steddie#steddie ficlet#i think i can call it a fic now lol each part is 3k+ i think#steddie fic#IF U WANTED TO BE TAGGED AND I DIDNT IM SORRY#lest i come off terribly egotistical i need direct instructions to tag lmao#even then i tagged sum people that just said 'can't wait for part 2!' which? isn't?#I DUNNO#i went off vibes someone said they were vibrating so i was like get over here the next part is here#one of these tags is just a steddie blog i love.... and they reblogged part 1#corrodedcoughin <3 i love u hehe#the stobin bestie love SHINES in this#i love them so much they are BEST FRIENDS!!!#if u have any ideas... i do love reading the tags and seeing what people want to see next ! im fuckin making it up as i go lol
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Based on somewhat real events
I spent way too much time drawing this...
But yeah, Ford finally saying thank you
A continuation (kinda)
#sometimes my skin smells too strongly and I hate it. I wanna crawl up and die. it's not that bad usually#only when I'm already overstimulated#there were 2 times where I was sick and I started crying and almost threw up because the smells were too strong#one time the smell of tge city. the other time it was roasted chicken. I still feel sick when I smell reheated chicken to this day#I'd love to have someone comfort me and rub my back in these moments but 1. I don't want anyone to touch me and#2. I feel like I don't deserve to be touched because it's an inconvenience to others#anyway enough about me. I am now projecting in these characters#I hate drawing their faces so much#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#young stanford pines#stan pines#stanley pines#young stan pines#art#fanart#traditional art#comic#long post#watercolor#forgot to mention but I can't take a shower when the sun is still up except if I was swimming in a pool/sea. no specific reason I just can'#projecting to Ford because Stan would never feel like that :/ oh well#is this cringe? maybe. probably. do I care? no. not really#I'm self diagnosing myself with 'definitely something wrong but not further specified' because this can't be normal#btw sorry if this is disappointing. I tried my best (the first part is pretty neat imo)#wonder if anyone is gonna read all of these tags#is this the worst thing you've seen yet?#teen stan#teen ford
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nobody look at me nobody talk to me im. I'M REALLY NOT OKAY....
#what the...... fucm.......k......#stares at his topknot lovingly#guys...... guy... s.........#holding back the tears in my eyes#how am I supposed to be normal under these conditions#I have so much to think about now#im just. staring at him#never expected to see him again#I feel so sad and so strange#to be honest I'm not even caught up on part 2 I'm like 30 chapters behind#I just read the chapter today#so I kind of. have no idea what's going on#it's like if you were watching a random show about random people you don't know#and then suddenly. the love of your life appeared#wtf wtf this is so messed up....#I don't want to even work today.....#I missed him so much I cannot#LIKE HOW IS IT EVEN REAL#AND TO BE CONTINUED??! WE WILL GET ANOTHER FLASHBACK OF HIM#I'm. so#hayakawa family pls save me
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taesan x leehan x fem!reader ☆ nsfw ; wc : 3k+ ☆ one-shot mdni! synopsis; when taesan and leehan invite you to go swimming with them, you find yourself doing a lot more than swimming. warnings; all bnd members mentioned except wnk, i refer to taesan (dongmin) and leehan (donghyun) as their real names, hot tub sex, leehan is more of a dom than taesan is, hickies, fingering, humping, unprotected sex (wrap it!), handjob, big dick leehan ofc, theyre pervs (?), boob play, they get a teeny bit competitive/bicker at each other at one point, no mxm
Jaehyun had warned you way before you guys had even gotten to the hotel that Dongmin and Donghyun were more than likely going to drag you to the pool with them.
And he was absolutely right, because not even 5 minutes into checking into the hotel, they were asking the lady at the front desk about the pool on the roof. When she said it was for residential use for free, they couldn't hide the excitement they felt about it. "We should go the second we unlock our hotel rooms." Donghyun suggests, dragging his suitcase in the halls while everyone walks to the 3 rooms you guys had rented. "Shouldn't we settle in first?" You raise an eyebrow at him and Donghyun shrugs back with a smile on his face. Jaehyun plays with the keycards in his hands, figuring out which room is for which key before giving you yours. You had split up the 3 rooms by having you by yourself, while Sanghyeok, Sungho and Jaehyun were in another and the last one is for Dongmin and Donghyun. You place the keycard on the pad on your door, Dongmin leans against the wall watching you, "So it's official you're coming with us?" You ignore his question when the pad on the door turns red, the keycard refusing to work. "I-" You look at him confused and he turned his attention to the keycard, "It's not working?" "Let me try," he grabs the card from you and when the pad turns red again he searches around for Jaehyun, who opened his door and is now inside the room. "Myungjae.!" He yells loud enough for him to hear but not loud enough to make the surrounding rooms complain. Jaehyun pops his head out and raises his eyebrows, "It's not working." You grab the card from Dongmin to hand it to Jaehyun who is now attempting to work the keypad. You see Donghyun poke his head out from the room he also got open, curiosity on his face. "Huh," Jaehyun inspects at the card, "Weird. Maybe they gave us the wrong one?" You look at Dongmin and Donghyun before shrugging your shoulders, "Looks like the pools gonna have to wait." "No biggie," Donghyun shakes his head, "You could just change in our room." "But I have to go fix the problem with Jae. It is my room." You look at Jaehyun who has a smile on his face. Dongmin grabs your suitcase before dragging it into the room he was staying in and Jaehyun slightly nudges you, "I got it, don't even worry about it." Before you were able to even say anything back, you found yourself in Dongmin and Donghyun's room, looking through your suitcase for the bathing suite you made sure to pack. "Is that one new?" Donghyun asks, grabbing the bra of your bikini set, his fingers grazing over the texture. You gently snatch it from his hands, "Just bought it." You head towards the rooms bathroom and get dressed. When you leave the bathroom the two boys are in their bathing trunks, and when they both look at you at the same time, you can't help but feel a lot more shy than normal. Donghyun's eyes travel your body before he smiles in a smirk like manner, "I like it." He pats Dongmin's thigh to tell him to get up and they both grab their towels. "Actually do one of you have a towel I can use? I forgot mine at home." You search through your suitcase with no luck. Dongmin towers over you before smiling softly, "You can share with me." When you're silent, his voice gets quieter, "Only if you want to." You look up at him with a smile, "Sure, thank you Min."
The moment you guys made it the pool, you were already shivering. The two boys seemed to not care about the current weather situation, and you assume that's because of how badly they wanted to go swimming. After putting your stuff down on one of the chairs, you took a deep breath before slowly getting in the water. You wished it wasn't so cold out, the ambiance was really nice, especially because you could just look at the city below and see the lights from the buildings brightening up the dark sky. But you couldn't enjoy it because you're stuck in the corner of the pool, shivering. It's so cold you're sure you could get frostbite if you stay in there longer than 30 minutes. "Hey guys," They both watch as you exit the pool, "It's really cold." Donghyun swims to the edge you were standing at and lifts himself up, "We can go." "No.!" He confusingly drops back into the pool, "It's okay, we can stay, I just won't go into the pool, that's all." "You sure?" Dongmin tilts his head and you nod. You didn't want to be the reason why they weren't able to enjoy something they were very clearly looking forward to doing, and the temperature of the air wasn't so bad. Your skin started to dry up once you wrapped yourself in Dongmin's towel, only then did you realize there was a hot tub attached to the pool. You watch as the two boys compete in swimming laps, contemplating on whether or not you should test out the hot tub before carrying yourself over there and sitting inside. The temperature was the exact opposite of the pools, it was nice and warm. The light blue light turning the water entirely translucent. Eventually they both got out the pool too, complaining about how the cold water got to them as well and joining you in the hot tub to warm up. "It's soo much better in here." Dongmin rests his back against the wall of the hot tub, laying his head back. You did the same thing as Dongmin, even resting your eyelids for a bit, and when you opened them you were greeted by Donghyun staring at your breasts. "Eyes are up here, Kim Donghyun." You warned in a jokingly manner, his eyes dragging up into yours, but the expression on his face not changing once. "Can't help it," He looks back at your breasts again, "Especially not when you look so good.." You splash some water towards him and laugh to try to even out the heavy atmosphere. Donghyun splashes you back and responds with laughter in his voice, "Did I say something wrong?" You sigh so loud it came out more as just simply exhaling, "Well I mean- I don't know... But you can't just say things like that." He raises an eyebrow, "And why not?" "Because-" You have trouble finding your words, "Because we are friends..?" Your voice shaky, not sure if what you were saying was even true. Donghyun and Dongmin have always been super close to you ever since you met. Despite the fact that you met through Jaehyun, Dongmin and Donghyun had zero problem when it came to flirting or being extra close, more than always passing it off as a joke.
So there's no way either of them think of you as anything more than a friend, it was simply just joking. "You know," Donghyun looks at Dongmin who's shaking his head to tell him that whatever it is that he's about to say, he shouldn't say it. "Dongmin's found you hot since the moment you met." Dongmin continues to shake his head before covering his face with his hands, very clearly embarrassed. Donhyun opens his mouth to talk again before he gets cut off, "Not just me. Donghyun has been eyeing you forever." "Well this is news to me." You say before Donghyun has the opportunity to respond to him. The three of you sit in silence, unsure on how to continue the conversation after their awkward confessions. Donghyun looks at Dongmin who's shaking his head again and he looks at you, "On that note," he speaks slowly, "What if I told you I want to fuck you?" You don't know what exactly you expected out of Donghyun's mouth, but it certainly wasn't that. Anything but that actually. It seems as though he read your mind, "You'd let me right?," Dongmin clears his throat and Donghyun immediately corrects himself, "Sorry, you'd let us, right?" You look between them both, fidgeting with your fingers, "Both.. of.. you..?" "Is that okay?" Dongmin butts in, making it clear he's interested in you despite not participating in the conversation as much. You had to really think about it. You thought they were attractive, everyone did, but if you agree to it, it could possibly turn the really good friendship you had with them into an awkward one. Yet for some reason you find yourself nodding, agreeing to their proposal. Donghyun is first to react, and the moment his lips touch yours, you feel your body heat up. A very different type of heat than the one coming from the hot tub. Especially when Donghyun slides his tongue into your mouth without you even realizing, a clear natural, and your hands come to hold his cheeks. Dongmin whispers something in Donghyun's ear, who looks at him with an obvious look on his face. Breaking away from your kiss, he replies, "Me, duh." "What? Why?" Dongmin whines out, a pout forming on his lips. "I'm bigger, she'll feel more full." Donghyun shrugs like it's the clear choice. You put the pieces together and realize they're talking about who actually goes inside of you, you would offer to take both of them, but their bickering was too entertaining for you to want to stop them. "So???" Dongmin rolls his eyes, "Fine, can I at least touch her before you?" "Okay, but don't let her cum, I want her to cum from me." "She'll cum twice then." Dongmin shrugs, lifting one of your legs over his, helping to spread yours softly. His hand rests over your clothed heat, only thing keeping it from making contact is the polyester of your bikini bottom. "You are okay with this, right?" He softly asks you.
You shift your hips around and nod, "Yes, please just.." Placing a hand on the rough seat of the hot tub to balance yourself, but instead leaning against Donghyun, who wraps his arms around your waist. Dongmin pushes the fabric of your bikini to the side, softly pressing one of his fingers on your clit, looking at your face to observe your reactions. Your chest rises and falls heavier when he starts toying with your clit, sending waves of sensation to where you needed it the most. Donghyun watches from above your shoulder at the way Dongmin moves against your clit. You let out a soft moan and Dongmin tries his best to hold down a smile that tried to escape. When he felt you clench around nothing, he took it as a sign to enter one of his fingers in. You hold his arm, and he stops moving, waiting until you give him the green light to continue. When you got slightly used to the feeling of his finger inside of you, you let go of his arm. He looks at you for confirmation and when you nod, he starts pumping his finger in and out of you. It's been a while since you last had any type of sensation so his singular finger was already stimulating you to the point of release. You shift your hips again, this time being able to feel Dongmin's bulge, pressing your knee into it to hopefully give him some relief he might be looking for. And you know you're right when he curses under his breath before softly grinding against your knee in the pace of his fingers. "Min-" You moan out when he enters another finger inside of you, not able to take his eyes off of the way your mouth hangs open from how good he's making you feel. And he didn't realize how much he's yearning for release too until he focuses on it. The mere fact that Dongmin's attempting to get himself off using your knee makes you clench around his fingers. Would it be too late to ask if you could take him right now? Those thoughts disappear when Donghyun whispers in your ear, "Maybe it's a good thing he's doing this first.. You're gonna need the slight preparation for when you take me." He leaves a small peck on your cheek and rubs the sides of your waist. You're sure Dongmin overheard when he adds a 3rd finger, reaching so deep inside you you're worried if he's even meant to go that far in. Using his thumb, he circles your clit, trying to keep all his attention on making you feel the best you can instead of on the ache in his cock. Donghyun's words and the way Dongmin feels inside of you, make your head cloud up. And you can't tell if it's that or the heat from the hot tub making you sweat. "Min-" You reach out for him, squeezing on his other arm, "Oh gosh.. Min- Please.." The way you stumbled over your words boosted Dongmin's ego, speeding up his hand while still lightly pressing himself against your knee. Your climax approached you before you were even able to let Dongmin know. Hips twitching as you came on his hand, mumbling his name so much it'll wear out. Donghyun softly rubs against your stomach to rid it of any possible aches.
"My turn," Donghyun lifts you up and into his lap, taking note in the way your body has given up on strength. "Unless you-" You shake your head and look at Dongmin before looking at Donghyun, "I'm okay, let's continue.!" "You sure?" Donghyun looks at you for extra confirmation, never wanting to go out of your comfort zone, but when you mumble a small 'I promise', he's already undoing the lace on his swim trunks. Donghyun frees himself from the shorts, cock aching to be inside of you, and he mimics what Dongmin did and pushes your bikini to the side. He lines himself up with you, "Let me know when you're ready." You nod and take a deep breath, "I'm ready." He inserts inside of you, the size of his cock making your walls burn and you feel the wind get knocked right of you, "Oh fuck." "I won't move," He rubs his hands along your back, reaching your bikini top before undoing it. Despite trying to catch your breath, you notice the way both Dongmin and Donghyun stare at your bare breasts in awe, the other boy adjusting himself in his shorts. "Can I move now, sweetheart?" You hear almost desperation come from Donghyun's voice as he moves his hands to your breasts, softly massaging them. "Yeah I think I'm good now." You speak slowly, trying to get used to Donghyun's warm wet hands on your sensitive nipples. He looks at Dongmin who is trying his hardest not to touch himself, "Dongmin, come here." The boy looks at Donghyun with confusion, "I need you to help her move." Dongmin sulkily listens, upset that he's not the one inside of you right now, but nonetheless he softly grabs your hips and guides you on top of Donghyun who continues to play with your breasts. Dongmin takes the advantage of his control to finally feel what it's like to have your lips against his, and given the situation, he thinks the kiss is sweet. But he doesn't do it anymore than once, knowing you're too focused on Donghyun. He hold onto Donghyun's shoulders, feeling like your core was being ripped apart, thankful Dongmin was there to help you as you knew you wouldn't have been able to on your own. The same boy took the opportunity to press kisses all over your shoulders and neck, sucking on spots that seemed to get a reaction out of you. Your hand searches Dongmin's body, finally finding his bulge. When you softly palm it, he jolts, making Donghyun thrust up into you, earning a moan from you. He whimpers, allowing you to do it again. In between Donghyun's thrusts, you undo Dongmin's trunks so you can help him better. Donghyun moves his hands from your breasts to your hips, guiding you on him as you pump Dongmin's dick in a pace that matched Donghyun's. Dongmin removes his lips from your skin so you could jerk him easier, he melts into your touch, already finding himself closer than he'd expected. Donghyun replaces the absence of Dongmin's lips on you with his own, biting down on your collarbone skin, more than likely leaving marks impossible to cover up. Feeling the pressure in between your legs grow as Dongmin's cock twitched in your hand, even Donghyun's grip on your hips tightened as you got closer to release. Moving your thumb along Dongmin's tip got him to where he's been wanting, his whimpers increasing in volume as his cum streams into the water. His eyebrows furrowing as he breathes heavy. Donghyun starts moving faster underneath you, his hips thrusting up sporadically. You feel him move inside of you, curses falling from his lips faster, you reach your climax again, moaning both their names with the very little energy you have left. Donghyun lifts you off of him so he could cum too, it never leaving the warm water.
You collapse onto Donghyun when your body gives out, all 3 of you in silence while you all catch your breath and come to realization about what had happened. "Here, take her," Donghyun eventually speaks up, helping you rest on Dongmin's lap instead so he could fix himself and help put your bikini top back on. Your eyelids felt heavy and the comfort of Dongmin's shoulders makes you fall asleep, burnt out from the previous activities.
-
You were sure they carried you back to the hotel room, because when you opened your eyes, you were in pajamas on a bed instead of in the hot tub. When you turned around, you were face to face with Dongmin, who was peacefully sleeping. And something about that made you smile.
hi this was actually the death of me. i went through the 5 stages of grief writing this. this fic is based on this ask! it was highly wanted and the original nonie said i could write it so i did!! big thank u to nonie for the idea and bunny for helping me! it took longer than i wanted and im not happy with the result but you know,,,, 😭 also the writing looks a little awkward because both of them are Dongs,, so you end up seeing those letters a lot, guess i have their parents to thank for that 💔
#did not read this before uploading so once again - if u see any errors... no u dont ^^#boynextdoor smut#taesan smut#leehan smut#btw taesan likes reader in a “i want to kiss & snuggle you & give you gifts” way - rather than leehans “i want to fuck you & ur tits” way#might write a part 2 where taesan fucks reader - sorry cutie pie this was leehans turn to shine
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Hope you guys had a good Christmas! This started off as a doodle of Mary as the Ghost of Christmas Present but I decided to add onto it with a couple other managers. Anyways, Happy Holidays!
#toonblr#toontown#toontown corporate clash#toontag#small artist#corporate clash#Sorry it's not much#I've been busy#Not sure if anyone reads tags but I wanted to express my own gratitude for the love my art has gotten#It means a lot to me#I'm working on finish part 2 of admins lore#So I'll probably just make doodles for now as I'm working on it#Again thank you
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when people infantilise emu it's literally a self report because if you had read like. any of her events + wms + her fes you'd know she's more of a businesswoman than a performer. you don't actually engage with the game's story do you
#wxs is an actor a manager a singer and a director. all of them are actors technically but it's only really relevant for one of them#even pfs which was about emu's performing brought up her struggling to get people to understand her. which. yknow.#emu is a performer 1. because she wants to obvs and 2. because it was literally the only way to stop her grandfather's favorite part of the#park from being closed and it almost got closed anyway. PXL is in the family business and it's been agreed by like. fuckin everyone that#when she's old enough she's gonna be the one in charge#THIS IS WHAT OHE WAS ABOUT#YOU ALL READ THAT EVENT I KNOW YOU ALL READ IT#anyway read emu's fes1 story because she literally gets given her grandad's old planning journal in that lol#mine
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#rereading trc while simultaneously falling back into aftg stuff by virtue of reading tsc and thereby transporting myself back to when i#was sixteen but it's fine it's totally fine like it's whatever 😁👍#r.txt#anyway. me when – me when i – me when i'm trying to tell my best friend that i'm gay but i'm also trying to tell him i can take stuff from#my dreams and i took my now pet raven from my dreams like from my head i'm a dreamer but also that's kind of the same thing but also it's#really not but also it is bc it's an allegory but also that's not the only thing the dreaming is an allegory for and also i'm scared to tel#him like i'm terrified actually and i don't want to tell him but also i need to tell him but also he already knows but i don't know that he#knows and also i was goinggggg to tellllllll himmmmmm arghhhhhhh#this scene is soooooooooo like. like AOUGH. ARGH OUGH AGH AOUGHHHHHH#<- sounds of a guy taking minus xp damage with every word read of this stupid scene. he literally was going to tell gansey 😕.........#trc#ronsey#like i need 2 lay down. he came out there to tell him......the timbre of his voice being described as strange&initially unrecognizable....#i read this part like. 2 weeks ago idk. smth of the sort. and i'm STILL thinking abt it....you came out for something.....when you'd made u#ur mind to confess but ur mouth betrayed you in the end......associated with secrets and guilt......MAN.....
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2024 reads / storygraph
This Fatal Kiss
spooky whimsical YA fantasy romance
a water nymph bound to the river where she drowned desperately wants to become human again, by gaining a freely-given kiss from a mortal
a brooding boy from the local town who exorcises meddlesome spirits is constantly trying to get rid of her - but after he messes up an exorcism she blackmails him into playing matchmaker for her
….but he also has a crush on the boy she chooses (who has secrets of his own)
bisexual MCs, developing polyamorous relationship
#this fatal kiss#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#bisexual books#polyamorous books#his is so fun I enjoyed it a lot!#it’s reasonably low stakes and is cute and whimsical but with some darker elements#and some very endearing characters#There’s a few things I wanted answers about - but clearly it’s going to be a duology#so I guess I’ll have to wait. I feel like it *could* have wrapped things up as a standalone if it wanted to though#some nods to The Dark Tide too (the MC is from there)#I enjoyed all the queerness and bisexuality plus some brief interesting moments of gender thoughts even from the ostensibly cis MCs#(i say ostensibly cis - she does actually pretty explicitly say she has no feelings about gender but it's just easier to be a girl)#(also says she's love to be a big buff guy at some point. but it's not really explored)#I assume this will be a part of book 2 but uhhh I couldn’t stop thinking about alexi’s body. like. iykyk. r we gonna address that#also LOVE THE COVER
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