#I want to make it very clear this is a personal thing WITH ME I'm not trying to say don't use labels or smthn that would be silly I just

[himbosandhardwear]

"Look who's talking, Mr Ponytail and a Crop Top," Steve says with a smartass grin.

Eddie looks down. "Huh?"

"You," he waves toward Eddie's general vicinity, "looking like some kinda Metal Cheerleader." He noticably swipes his tongue over his bottom lip.

Okay. This is it, this is the perfect moment to tell Steve he's sending signals that he definitely doesn't understand he's sending.

"Steve," he has to clear his throat before continuing, "I need to tell you something."

He leans in, wide eyed and focused. "Yeah?"

That's not helpful. "Um. So, to guys like me... Gay," he chokes out, still hard to say aloud even though he knows Steve knows, "sometimes you say things or do things that come off as...flirty. And I know you didn't know," he rushes to explain, "but I wanted to make you aware. To not do that. You know, in case the wrong person overhears it. It's a safety concern," he finishes lamely. Safety concern! Ugh. More like 'You're breaking my heart, I can't take much more of it.'

He waits for Steve to say something but he's just blinking owlishly.

"Steve?" He prompts, concerned.

"......yeah?" He finally seems to come back to himself. His eyes drift away, over Eddie's shoulder. "So...you want me to stop flirting?"

"Yeah, just in case, you never know who-" Wait. What? "What?"

Steve still isn't looking him in the eye. "What?" He mumbles.

"Did you say..." He can't even repeat it, it sounds like putting words in his mouth, but he did say that, right?

"Yeah. Sorry. I'll stop. I didn't realize it was bad, I guess. I thought... It's stupid. Nevermind. I'm gonna, um, take off actually. I'll see ya around, maybe."

He hops off the back of the van and actually starts walking away, like they're not 6 miles from his house. That snaps Eddie out of the paralysis spell he was under, adrenaline taking over like a bump of cocaine.

"No!" He shouts, like an insane person, and then takes it one step further by jumping up and tackling Steve into the grass.

"Uggff," Steve grunts when Eddie accidentally shoulders him in the gut, but he ignores the embarrassment in favor of crawling up his body so they're eye to eye.

He gets Steve's face between two hands and smooshes it. "Were you flirting with me on purpose?" He shouts.

"Are you serious?" He mumbles, half coherent, through pursed lips. "I'm gonna jump into the quarry."

"Answer the question!" He rattles Steve's head a little bit, for good measure.

"I work for Scoops Ahoy." Steve deadpans, unamused.

Eddie is going to throw one hell of a tantrum in a second. "Steve."

He smacks Eddie's hands away from his face. Doesn't bother to move out from under Eddie, he notes absently. "Yes, dude, obviously I was flirting with you on purpose! I thought that was, like, an understood thing that was happening. Why are you surprised?"

He feels like he's losing his mind. Why are you surprised the grass is made out of taffy? Would've made more sense as a question.

"Because you're straight." The duh is implied.

Sensibly, he asks, "Why would I flirt with you if I was straight?"

Eddie becomes very aware of every inch they are pressed together. Aware of the sound of the leaves rubbing together in the wind, aware of Judas Priest still playing through his speakers. Love Bites is a hell of a track to be having this revelation to.

"You're not straight?"

"No."

"And you were flirting?"

"Yes."

"With me?"

He rolls his eyes, not an ounce of bitchiness lost to his embarrassment. "No, Eddie, with the crusty blanket on your van floor. Yes, of course with you- Mmmphh!"

They probably shouldn't be making out on the ground at Settlers Quarry in broad daylight but, honestly, the shambling corpse of Jason Carver could show up right now and Eddie would not give two shits. Steve slides a hand down the back of Eddie's pants, grabbing what little bit of ass cheek he has, and Eddie thinks, Hope you're watching from hell, you bastard. Enjoy the show.

[gguk-n]

hey could you maybe write a lando x reader where when it was clear that lando lost the championship the reader just comforts him but he is distancing himself from her but she doesn’t give up on him so pls a happy end ❤️

established relationship, not very angsty, short

My World Champion

Things had been rough between the pair for a few months. With the mounting pressure on Lando to perform had left him pushing all those close to him away. He wasn't very happy with it but he felt like maybe he could focus better. The person who had to deal with the brunt of Lando's distance was his girlfriend, Y/N. They'd been together for a while and friends for longer. They just got each other like no other but lately Y/N felt like she didn't know Lando as well as she used to.

Y/N did try to bring up the distance. It was Azerbaijan, "Lan, don't you think we barely talk" Y/N spoke slowly, trying to start a conversation with her boyfriend who was sat across from her on the sofa. He didn't bother to even look up, "What's there to talk about when I'm busy trying to win a championship. Let me focus" he huffed. "I didn't mean it like that. I just thought we could spend some time together" Y/N trailed off. "We are sat together right now. How much more time do you want to spend with me?" Lando sighed and finally looked up from his laptop. "I just" she felt her voice die in her throat. 'I don't remember the last time we kissed Lan' her brain thought as she got up and left the room before another fight ensued.

It was during the winter break when things were starting to look up. Lando had just won the Singapore GP, he was more attentive and present; they even cuddled the whole day. Y/N thought that she had her boyfriend back. Oh how wrong she was because as soon as they were back on track; Lando was back to square one. The Austin loss hit deep, making Lando double down on strategising and spending every waking hour with the team or thinking about Formula One. It was like he forgot Y/N existed or for that matter himself. She would sit there and stare at her boyfriend who looked more and more like a stranger with each passing day.

Things had become rocky between them. She felt the divide growing with each passing weekend. Mexico wasn't any better. But Brazil landed a huge blow to Lando. He shut down, he stopped talking to anyone and spent all his time scrolling on his phone. There was nothing she could do without Lando walking out or shutting the door on her face. So, she sat and waited. She would cook his favourite food or leave out his favourite snacks to munch on. But she didn't make much break through on him; as he still chooses to stay reserved, opting to carry the burden alone.

It was after the Las Vegas quali, when Y/N noticed the light begin leave Lando's eyes. All she could offer were words and cuddles but Lando had put up a wall between them. The bed seemed too big for the two of them with either on each side. She stared at the space in between them wondering when it had gotten this big.

After the race, Y/N sighed a sigh of relief. The Championship battle was over and that meant she got her Lando back. She saw glimpses of him when he congratulated Max and couldn't wait to jump into his arms. But it was like Lando was back, just not for her.

That night, they spent it like any other, on either side of the bed. But as Y/N tried to fall asleep, she felt the bed shake. On further inspection, she saw Lando's frame quietly shaking from the sobs as he tried to not make any noise. Her heart hurt watching him, she slowly scooted over causing Lando to stop crying for a moment. She wrapped her arm around his torso and buried her head in his neck. "I love you, my world champion" she whispered causing Lando to turn around. His face was streaked with tears which she carefully wiped off. "I don't like it when you cry" she muttered and pecked his lips. "I thought you fell asleep" Lando mumbled. "Can't sleep without my cuddles" she quipped. "But, I'm not the world champion" was all he muttered, remembering her first comment. "For the world, no. For me, always" she smiled. Lando searched her eyes for anything, but all he found was undeterred love. "And you're not angry?" he asked. "No. I'm happy to watch you compete for the championship because I know, sooner or later you'll win it. Just waiting for that day" she reassured. "I'm sorry for being a dick. I was just" Lando spoke before she cut him off, "over whelmed. I know. But you didn't have to do it all alone. What am I here for?" she spoke tenderly. "I love you" he whispered kissing her for the first time in a long time. "I love you too, muppet" she whispered back. He looked at her for a long time as his hands pulled her closer, running along her frame; "What would I do without you?" he asked. "Crash and burn" she chided. "Agreed" he mumbled pulling her in for another kiss. "You alway know how to make me happy" he mumbled in between kisses. "Only when you listen to me. Otherwise you're Mr Grumpy" she chuckled. "I promise not to be Mr Grumpy anymore" he laughed kissing her again. "Next time I'm grumpy, kiss me. I think all my worries melt away with your kisses" he said pressing her against him. "So, the next time you start an argument, I'm gonna kiss you" she said cupping his cheeks. "Best way to end an argument" he smiled pressing their foreheads together. "I won't disagree" she kissed him again, making up for all the lost time.

[hereonlytofeedwormsinmybrain]

Gonna do it for myself just because

It's okay, altough very conditional

My best friend probably. I genuinely love her so much.

Yes and no, but it's somewhat pointless to dwell about. I'm making some small steps to do stuff I'd do differently back then.

Yeah

Single, never been in a relationship beside friendship and I kinda feel I've missed my window for first one. I'm okay with it tho, probably on a aroace spectrum

I feel like I'm gonna age as an old person. I would like to die with clear mind and self sufficient body.

Peach yoghurt with granola

Not really, I started enjoying sports only few years ago, but I'm still insecure about my skills and body. Want to get into boxing next year.

Not anymore

I've never had any physical fight

I like a lot of people, no one romantically so

Yeah, I studied at an art school and have ADHD, so

No actually

Terribly.

Not now. I love pets, but more in an uncle/aunt way. I'm allergic, very sensory sensitive, and leading somewhat chaotic life.

Neutral. I'm procrrastinating updating my CV, so a little bit worried about that

Never made out with anyone, so no

No, I like them, but in the place I live in they are really small and chill, big one stress me a little bit. Not fear tho, and I like cohabitating with them

I was thinking about it lately, when feverish! And: maybe? I would do a lot of things differently if I could go back like eight years, when I was starting my final year of high school. Very different decisions. Would take better care of myself and wouldn't spiral into this years long depressive/burnout episode. Like I said before, I'm trying to do some stuff I should've done before

blank answer

Uhhhhh I have school so probably deal with interior design and graphic programs

I don't want to bring people, either as a birthing parent nor. not sure how to say it? other parent who also made decision? But I would like to adopt one day, if I have this option, preferably older or teenaged kid. Not building my life toward this moment tho

One, cause the other in other ear closed up. I want one in each nostril, but now I'm dealing with allergies and shit so yeah

As in what?

Terribly. Also, kinda repeating question

Nothing really

Don't think so, but I'm also very oblivious. Maybe platonically.

Nope

blank answer

this guy who is guest in my flat rn, really annoying and don't understand "no" in more annoying way, not creepy way. He's leaving tmr morning

My friends, at least my best friend

I like colors in general so baby blue and hues of red maybe

Yeah

Don't remember

Uhhhhhh my therapist probably? I'm not a big crier

Nope, in fact, I'm too fast to cut people off. Working on it too. Only person who got a shitton on chances was my sister up to the moment she broke my heart. We haven't really talked in like. two and half years

Forget

Not really, 2023 was way better, but it was a decent year for sure

Not sure if it counts, cause I've never had kiss with person i actually wanted to kiss, but kissed some friends when I was uhhhh 22?

Nope. Fuckup with question numbers?

I like cooking in general and do it well, but my comfort food I do always when too tired to do anything else is spaghetti pasta with tomato sauce, since I was a little kid

Yes and not, more like life is this huge choices tree, so like every time you make some choice, new options appears. Logical to me

Read some fanfic

Depends on definition of cheating and relationship, but I do believe cheating as in breaking trust of other person who loves you on deep and intimate level is always wrong.

I think I'm more cruel than mean? And often people read me as mean, this the life of autistic person. I feel my core is just leyers and leyers of kind and cruel

No one???? Are you guys okay

Once again, what's definition? But I'm more into bell hooks understanding of love, as set of action rather than feeling, so how do you define realness in this definition

Big summer storm with lightnings and thunder, that brings coolness after warm and lazy day

Yes, a lot! There's not a lot of it nowadays, but I like it a lot when happens

I see marriage more as a buisness/legal thing, but if I'm ever in a long term realtionship, I probably would like one. Illegal for me in my country atm

When a girl or nb person does it. It shortcuts me a little ngl (hoping for someone who would call me this all the time. Spiritually I'm bottom, would love to check it out irl). When guys try it, even in jokes, I got a violent whiplash

Being in mountain. Spending time with my best friend. Sense of calm after big and dramatic emotions or meltdowns. Playing drums!!!! I have my second lesson tmr :)

Yes, I seriously consider this rn! Anecdote: I was a volounteer and I didn't recognized my name on a timesheet and missed my shift (: But honestly I gotta consider it, feels like a lot. Plus gotta check how my parents feel about it, would hate to get hate crimed and cut off financially. You never know with my parents, look point 1.

Yes, cause I fucking hate her and she's my sister's serious girlfriend rn :)

I'm nb, so it's kinda??? but seeing as I'm read as woman societally and describing myself as a lesbian. Well it would be fucking bad, sorry for that man. My guy friend wouldn't do it to me tho, we all have very sibling/familial realtionship and I draw setup for painting for his new girlfriend so!!!! Cute. As to my girl friend, well, would be awkward cause I really don't want to be her "girl-best friends toxic situationship", not gonna happen tho, she's very straight. If happened, yeah but no, love her but she's not great as romantic partner

(Definitions like in 55) Not complete complete, cause I don't act completely myself to anyone, maybe my best friend? But yeah, we are pretty close with my guy friend

Annoying guest

My best friend

I enjoy the idea of and soulmates in media, but in reality it feels somewhat more tragic and creepy. Not really.

Hmmm. Seeing my past suicidal ideation, I would rather live for someone. And I kinda do, actually :)

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[thedivinetarot]

'Cause I like you quite a lot, it's you who I adore though I make boys fall like domino's

Who has a crush on you?

☆ How to chose your pile?

Close your eyes and clear your mind. Take a deep breath and ask the question in your head. And shall the picture you are drawn to the most be your pile.

☆ Disclaimer:

This is a general reading so take what resonates and leave the rest. In this reading I won't do an energy check since many of you are not resonating with it anymore.

Mood board from @divinationsanctuary19

Pile 1 - Pearls

☆ Who?/ physical description:

I see that this person has self esteem issue. I see them as someone who really might have confidence issues. And it affect their life in a really negative way. Okay, also this person is workaholic until the point of exhaustion. They may stay up at night because of tiredness. I see that they work a lot. This person might be a soulmate/twin flame of yours. This person might be a co-worker of yours. They have a lot on their plate. This person is someone who is really family oriented. Someone who values family and find emotional fulfillment within a family. Someone who is managing their family finances. They might have a family (wife/children) or they are spending their money on their parents. Or maybe this person is already married omg (this is so spicy I can't😭). The 10s cards are repeated twice so this person might be someone who is socially in a higher place than you. It also gives me boss energy, someone in a higher status with lots of money and resources. But they got it all from their work, their own work. Now with their physical appearance: this person has dark brown hair, brown or black eyes. Someone who look younger than their actual age. Someone whose physical appearance to them is a source of insecurity or they are closed off. This person's aura seems very calm and soothing. I see that their shoulders are slightly wide and their body proportions almost equal. Physically, this person is average like nothing really make them stand out and you can easily not notice them in the crowds. The thing (I'm going to add a note here) this person is happily married to their spouse/ wife. And they have a legacy with them but now we will know why they are crushing on you.

☆ How do they see you?

Will first I see that their first impression of you was quite sharp. They saw you as someone who is quick witted and quite sharp mentally. You might appeared very smart to them which really attracted them to you. They also got attracted to your confidence and your youthful spirit. This person physically saw you as someone who is cute and baby doll. I don't know why I got baby-daddy/mommy dynamic. This person sees your beauty now as soft and delicate. Like their first impression on you was nothing like how they see you right now. I see that right now they see you as someone who is delicate, sweet and pure. Also I got the 9 of cups which is quite weird position for it. Well, even though this person is married and have a legacy they see that you might be someone who is good for them or their wish fulfillment. In addition, your cold and aloof attitude draws them to you even more. I see that you make them remember someone, to them your aura is very familiar. You remind them of someone they used to know when they was younger. (Idk why I'm picking on someone who is OLD and established).

☆ Placements for you:

Pisces, cancer, Aquarius, Gemini and mars in Aries.

☆ How do they feel?

Well, I see that you took this person off guard when you appeared in their life. You wasn't on their plan and meeting you was something unexpected at all. I see that what they feel for you is quite delightful. I see that this person really get distracted whenever you are around. I see that when they see that you are around they stand and stare, a wave of excitement and emotions overwhelm them. They feel that they want to protect or get possessive over you. This person either fear those emotions or they keep them to themselves. I see that whenever you are around they get quite and just STARE and you. Like your whole presence put them at ease. They also feel giddy and happy but can't seem to show it off because it will put them in a questionable place.

☆ Placements for them:

Aries, Sagittarius, virgo, Gemini, Pisces, Capricorn. Or mercury, dominant for them.

Pile 2 - Doves

☆ Who?/ their physical appearance?

Well, I see that this person is quite sad. I feel like you see those guys who listen to lana? Beautiful but sad? he gives of the same vibe. I see that this person gives off the impression that they work so freaking hard but they don't get paid enough. You see those people who works in malls? At the cashier? I think also that this person might work in a job that really don't pay them enough. They look so tired and above all they are stubborn. They don't wanna let go of that job. I see that this person is very emotionally content on their own and also I see that there's a distance between you two. You might meet them when you are traveling. I feel like this person might work so hard to prove themselves but their efforts go unnoticed. Which frustrate them even more. I see that this person is quite smart and detached but their stubbornness is the only thing that cause them trouble. I see that they know when to strategically use their wit. They might be someone who is considered smart academically. I mean I got the king and queen of swords. This person whenever you see them they display a bitch face. Or they look grumpy. They look emotionless, no expression. I see that they got heartbroken before but they got over it and found peace with it. I see that they took the lesson and healed so don't worry that they will break yours. But anyways, I see that might build up a lot of walls around themselves so you can't hurt them again. Now for the physical appearance this person have brown to black hair. Or espresso black hair. Their eye color is definitely brown or hazel. I see also that they work out a lot. Their body is defined and considered fit. Their hair might be wavy or a little bit frezzy. They are average like from 5'3 to 6'0 (173 to 182 cm). Their face is always serious, they look angry all the time. They might also be an introvert too. Like you won't see them hanging out with more than 2 to 3 people.

☆ How do they see you?

Okay, first.... I see that this person see that you are someone who is apathetic. Like especially in work settings. They see that you should not be in the place you are in at all. This might be their initial impression of you. You might come off as someone who lack motivation or apathetic and even lazy. I also that this person might see you as sorceress 😭. I see that they see you as someone who is very alluring like... alluring emotionally. You might be someone with a lot of charms, like you know how to treat people with kindness and compassion. I see also that they see you as someone with a lot of calm and serene aura with a mix or confidence and authority. You come off to this person as someone who is confident, authoritative with a hint charisma and emotional maturity. I see that with alot of this they see you as someone who is a bit conservative about your social interaction, like you don't associate yourself with a lot of people or you keep your interactions limited. I don't know why I feel like this person really want to reach you but they feel like you are distant. It feels like they are reaching for the moon when they are dealing with you. Also, you might intimidate them with the way you walk. Like you seem sharp when you are walking, you don't look at people you only look at where you are going.

☆ Placements for you:

Gemini, Scorpio, Aries, Leo, Capricorn. Mercury, Mars, Pluto, Saturn, jupiter. Sun or moon in the 1st, 3rd, 8th, 5th, 10th house in the chart, Pluto and mars making aspects to your ascendant.

☆ How do they feel?

This person feels very at peace when they look at you. I see that since you have a very calming and trusted aura they feel very at peace with the thought of you. I see that they feel very confident that one day you'll be their wifey lol. They feel this unconditional love towards you, I'm not joking at all the cards are very positive. I see that the first time they interact with you might happen through text or a following request on social media. They might be so sure that they want you. I see also that whenever they look at you they feel this feeling that they can leave their bad days and heal from bad experiences. Maybe the thought of you put them at ease. Like your aura is incredible to the point that they feel very calm when they think of you🥺. I see that they have a hint of passion towards you too. They might act more energetic and confident around you just to get you to notice them. I hope that by now you knew them pile 2. Take care💕.

☆ Placements for them:

Fire placements (leo, Aries and sagittarius) , Taurus, Cancer, Gemini, Mar in gemini, Venus in taurus, Jupiter, moon, Venus dominant in their chart. Sun or moon in the 1st, 9th, 5th, 2nd, 4th, 3rd house.

Pile 3 - Hands of a lady

☆ Who?/ physical appearance

Well, that's huge but what I'm seeing is someone that is very skillful, they embody the magician card. Someone very skillful, very good at turning their wishes into reality. They are very strong individual with a charismatic aura. They might be student in your school or college. I'm picking up on someone who studies at the same institution as you and if not then they might have took the same class as you (doesn't have to be school or college it might be as simple as pottery class). I see that this person really travels a lot. And very successful in their work (if they do so). This person is very fair. When they love you they give more than they receive, someone who is selfless and patient. They might have forward thinking because they worry alot about the future. They also get very doubtful about opportunities and they sabotage it by themselves unfortunately. This person has a lot of potential, and skills but they are either too lazy or too doubtful to work on them. Now their physical appearance, this person is in their 20s as I said above they might be a college student or still in school. Hair is silky and straight and for a very little group here this person has curly hair. Their hair color is unique or they dyed it. Their natural hair color might be blonde and they dye it black or the opposite. The way that they carry themselves is very elegant. It gives off someone who is rich. Even if they are not rich their aura seems very rich and elegant. They might wear a potato sack and appear beautiful. They possess natural beauty. They might be sad too, or they appear sad or their mouth drop downward like this face (😞). They might wear a lot of green? Yes I guess so. I guess this person wear alot of green and it look fabulous on them. Eye color might be mixed, like you see that person whose eye color change with lighting? I'm getting brown greenish or green or brown or even hazel. Did it resonate with you pile 3? Tell me if so and take care💕.

☆ How do they see you?

Well, I'm getting that this person sees you as someone who is intimidating. I see that they get terrified whenever you are around. Also, someone unpredictable with sharpness around the edge. Maybe you are enneagram 8? Or ISTP? I see that you dress in a way that is quite edgy. Like not the typical good girl way of dressing. Something very black edgy and emo. But you beauty is very alluring to them. I see that the way you dress might be revealing? Like you might show your boobs or wear mini skirts or you intend on revealing lots of skin or cleavage. I see that they like your cleavage or your boobs. I see that it is the thing that really attracted them to you. This pile feels more physical and sensual, like this person's main focus in your physical body. I see that they really see that you are someone with very alluring beauty. Something like a siren. You put a lot of thought into your appearance. And you take care of your health and body. I see that you appear as a mystery to that person, someone who is beautiful, and mysterious. They see the potential of this to grow into something more lighthearted and healing.

☆ Placements for you:

Pisces, Leo, Virgo, Scorpio, Aries, Aquarius. Venus in virgo, harsh aspects between Mars and sun in your chart. Mars, Mercury, Sun, Moon dominant in your chart.

☆ How do they feel about you?

They want to come towards you. I see that they already thought about it and it seems very sure of themselves. I see a grand gesture, something carefree and diplomatic. They might gentlemanly help you in something you are doing so they can be close to you. I see that whenever they think of you a strong feeling of love and nurturing take over them. They want to take care of you. They feel also like your relationship with them is fated. Like you both are meant to be. I see that they try to move on from you but whenever they try they fall harder lol. You might not study in the same class but meet in the hallways and they feel very electrified whenever you are around. You see that feeling of electricity pass through you when you see your crush? They feel the same way. But generally, they feel very positive towards you. So, enjoy it baby💋. I hope you enjoyed the reading pile 3.

☆ Placements for them:

Gemini, virgo, Libra, Aries, Scorpio. Mercury, Saturn, Pluto, mars. 1st, 3rd, 7th, 8th, 6th house placements.

Pile 4 - Lady and sea waves

☆ Who? Their appearance:

Pile 4 is that your ex? I feel like this is someone who is very earthy. I mean someone who used to keep you close to them but now they are far away? I see that you had a fight with them and it was because of their possessiveness or jealousy towards you which was unbearable. I see if you are away from this person they want to start all over but in a tricky way. Like they might reach out to you in a way that might not hurt their ego. I see that even after this they are unsure if this is going to last or not. They just want you back. I see that they used to carry a lot of uncertainty and they felt super unsure of where things are going and now if they return it won't be how you expected? I mean this person hasn't changed yet and they do not intend to change. I mean they want you back just to prove to themselves that they can have you back. I think this person was dedicated? And all of sudden things just changed. I don't know if you should get back to them or not. I don't like their energy, it feels very tricky and deceiving. I guess that they are attached to you emotionally. They do not intend on breaking free out of this toxicity. This person is toxic they do not want to change and at the same time they want you back. Now for their appearance, this person might wear heavy clothes even during summer. Their hair is wavy or straight, I see that the color range from blonde to light brown. And they are pale AF, also for some they have a very dark undertone. I'm picking up on someone who wears a lot of white shirts too. This person has medium height and for some they are short lol. For their eye color mostly brown and other have blue eyes I'm not picking on anything specific could be hazel too.

☆ How do they see you?

Well, I'm picking up that this person see how emotionally distant and cold you are. You might have given them a lot of attention that made their confidence sky rock. I see that they know how much anxiety they caused you, they know that they are the reason that you are distant and cold towards them and other people. I kept typing void? So you might have filled the void inside them and they got attached? I got the devil card twice and no it doesn't have to be that they see you as someone who is sexy. They see that they are attached to you. I see also that you bring them a lot of anxiety. Because as I said before, because they are toxic; they know how tick you boxes and use you whenever they want. And they are very sure that you are going to satisfy their ego (please don't you are more than this). They give off the vibe of someone who is emotionally distant... avoidant to be more specific. They know how much they have caused you and doesn't intend on making things better, they want you because they are attached to you emotionally not because they love you so be careful pile 4 you are amazing🤍.

☆ Placements for you:

Aries, Gemini, Leo, Libra, Capricorn, jupiter, mars, Sun as dominant planets in the chart. Or those placements as sun moon or ascendant.

☆ How do they feel about you?

They feel very sure of themselves that you are going to fill up their void. I see alot of imbalances in this relationship, someone here is taking more than they receive and the opposite. I see that they have quite mixed imbalanced feelings towards you and they are not sure of how to deal with all of them. One day they feel like yes, they love you and they will do better and other times they feel like you are too much and they doesn't understand themselves. I hate their energy, maybe you are with them because you feel pity for them not because you love them. If you end this I assure you that you'll get better soon. I mean the general dynamic between you two is quite toxic and imbalanced. They don't know how to keep you and how to let you go so please be the reason for this to end. Sometimes, leaving is better than staying for something that is no good for you. Take care pile 4 💕.

☆Placements for them:

Taurus, virgo, Scorpio, gemini, Libra, Sagittarius. Saturn, Pluto, mercury dominant in their chart. Or their moon, sun or ascendant in those signs.

Post date: 30th of Nov/ 2024 - Sat

* Feedback is appreciated

[heylittleriotact]

So I can't stop sharing this after realizing it myself earlier... After Rook tells Emmerich that they're a virgin, during their dinner date, and he clearly processes what is a VERY unexpected fact to him, he tells them that's okay, and you 2 can just take things slowly. :) It's sweet, right? But also... Emmrich... how fast did YOU wanna take things? Because now this man's got me convinced he was SO down bad for Rook, he wasn't gonna waste time NOT hitting it now that they're together. I'm unwell

Okay so I actually really appreciate how ambiguous they left Rook and Emmrich's sexual relationship until the coffin scene in the third act: they wrote it such that the player could headcanon that they had an intimate relationship already leading up to that scene OR it was the first time they slept together, and I think that's AMAZING.

I headcanon that my Rook (not a virgin) and Emmrich slept together for the first time the night of the dinner date, and I think that he planned the night not with the intention of seducing Rook, but with the mindset that if they were interested in moving forward with the sexual aspect of their relationship, the privacy of the Necropolis might be a bit more relaxing that the Lighthouse. It's clear that Emmrich has pulled some strings to have the gardens roped off just for the purpose of their romantic dinner, he goes above and beyond with the meal, they have a very sweet conversation about their feelings and attraction to each other, mention previous dates (or lack of), and the whole thing ends with a fade to black.

... and I'm a romantic degenerate who sighs and stares dreamily into space while twirling my hair at the thought of them making love for the first time on a bed of soft flowers in the garden, illuminated by veilfire as wisps float lazily through the air... but I digress:

Since Emmrich trusts that Rook isn't pursuing him from a place of "charming flattery" I think he takes their new relationship incredibly seriously, and part of that is acknowledging the sexual aspect of it. He strikes me very much an actions over words kind of person (hence the charming flattery remark), and given their circumstances and what they're up against, facing danger, violence and the possibility of death on a daily basis (especially daunting for him), I feel like Emmrich would be very motivated to explore that aspect of the relationship as soon as Rook was comfortable with it.

He's also older, more experienced (even if Rook isn't a virgin), and gives off the vibe that he's extremely comfortable with sex and intimacy based on the banter he has with Davrin. I think he views physical intimacy as yet another way to express his feelings for Rook and show them how much they mean to him. This man isn't sure if they're going to see tomorrow, let alone next week: he's only got so much time to make sure that Rook knows how treasured they are, so that's going to include romantic dates, deep conversations, surprising them with thoughtful gifts, and making love as often as they can get away with it. Regardless of what comes next, he doesn't want Rook to doubt for a second how much they mean to him, but he puts the choice about sex squarely in their hands and will let them ultimately be the one who makes the call as to when they're ready to explore that.

Once their relationship begins, he appears to court Rook quite ardently, with enough enthusiasm that Harding takes notice and points out that he's been mopey and distracted lately, and goes so far as to suggest that perhaps he and Rook are taking things a little fast. Even he's aware that this is moving at quite a pace, and he's clearly worried about how other people will/might perceive that given their respective ages - he probably thinks that people think he's a dirty creepy old man: a besotted fool, but I don't think he could approach Rook any other way even if he tried.

There are no half measures with this man: once he's in, he is IN. He's not fucking playing: this isn't just a casual fling that he expects to end once this evanuris business is over. It's probably why he comes off as a bit guarded and hesitant to engage with Rook's earlier flirtations: he probably puts this amount of care, vulnerability, and passionate authenticity into ALL his romantic relationships, and has probably been hurt in the past because of it.

Anyway, this has become suuuuuper unnecessarily lengthy, but I have so many feelings about this man, and I am indeed unwell too.

[tossawary]

Recent "Star Trek" reboot universes have really tried to sell me on three different romances for Spock with other TOS characters whom he did not have romantic relationships (at least not positive ones) with in TOS, which makes it particularly annoying when some fans try to squirm away from the idea of ST ever doing a future reboot or remake in which Spock/Kirk are explicitly queer.

Like, "But it's not in the original! They want to be faithful to the original!" really, REALLY does not pass the "I think you might just be discomforted by queerness and you should work on that, rather than making appeals to the authority of textual accuracy to avoid being called a homophobe or transphobe" check here. Because it's not as though these reboots care about perfect faithfulness on pretty much any other front. We'll accept that the costumes and special effects get updated to move with the times, we'll accept wildly different characterization choices that essentially give these characters new personalities, we'll accept new timelines that change the entire political map of the galaxy, but you as a fan draw the line at "What if this character was bisexual this time?" Really???

To be clear, I am not trying to dunk on Spock/Uhura, Spock/Chapel, or Spock/T'Pring here, I am merely trying to illustrate a frustrating double-standard. TOS Uhura does notably flirt with Spock several times! I see it! I remember TOS Chapel's feelings for Spock being one-sided, but I also don't think it's a bad thing to try to update TOS's more misogynistic writing choices regarding female characters. TOS T'Pring did... kind of try to kill Spock because she didn't want to marry him, but again, I don't necessarily think it's immediately a bad thing to try to explore her as a character and her betrothal to Spock. It's fine! It's fine by me to explore new takes in new AUs.

It's just that none of that evidence from TOS for those relationships holds much of a candle to whatever the fuck Kirk and Spock had going on to inspire The Premise. "Amok Time" is an Experience. There's only so many times that Kirk can say something like, "The cost [of abandoning Spock] would have been my soul," before you want to put your face in your hands. They are taking shiny pebbles from TOS and trying their very best to sell them to me as the basis for romantic relationships in reboots, sure, while they are standing in the shadow of Spirk Evidence Mountain (TOS).

(Yes, I have seen the recent "Unification" short film. Yes, I enjoyed it. No, I will not consider Spirk "officially canon" until all plausible deniability for the squirmy folks has been completely, explicitly destroyed by a HUMAN kiss onscreen.)

And okay, I must admit, at the moment, I don't actually want Spirk to eventually happen in "Strange New Worlds" now that they've finally met. I'm mostly indifferent to their Spock and Kirk actors, personally, and the writing for every canonical romantic relationship in both SNW and "Discovery" so far has gotten a solid "well, they certainly are standing next to each other" from me. (Yes, even the gay marriage in "Discovery". I just haven't been into it so far.) I think the writers would fumble Spirk if they tried it in this specific show and then annoying fans would use the fumble as "evidence" never to try to do Spirk or queer retakes on other TOS characters ever again, or as "proof" against other queer ST in other shows characters generally.

I'm mostly just mildly annoyed that I have to keep watching Spock specifically, famously read by many people as a queer man, be straight and messy about it, especially when there has not really been a significant queer relationship onscreen in SNW yet, unless you count M'Benga's daughter Rukiya and her glow cloud friend named Debra, which I personally don't, honestly. I'd like an onscreen relationship with a main character with zero plausible deniability. There's definitely nothing yet that comes remotely close to the screentime that Spock/Chapel, Spock/T'Pring, and Kirk/La'an have all been given so far, unfortunately. (Sulu is not here yet. Scotty has just shown up. If Scotty gets to make out with a guy next season, or Uhura or Ortegas gets to make out with a lady, without it being part of some god-like-being's fantasy world, then I may be satisfied.) (Also, yes, I am aware of queer characters and relationships in other "Star Trek" shows, thanks. I very much enjoyed Mariner having her incredibly silly breakup with her girlfriend in "Lower Decks".)

"Star Trek" is one of those properties where some people's double-standards regarding romantic interpretations of the original series really jump out. "They can't do Kirk/Spock because they want to be faithful to the original!" Get real.

[nonuniverse-tarot]

Recent Thoughts Your Person Has Had Of You

*All my reading are for 18+ regardless of the nature of the reading. If you're below 18, then this reading is not for you. Thank you for understanding*

What the titles says - we'll be looking into their recent thoughts AND as an extra their reaction to those thoughts!

A. B. C.

A.

Their most recent thoughts about you is how much peace you bring them, but it's the thoughts they have of you that bring them peace. With the Prince of Pentacle and the Princes of Cups here (looking at energy not gender so take it how it resonates) it shows me that the two of you haven't been in much contact lately. The Prince has an old radio that he's listening to, but he's disconnected. The Princess has a blindfold on (funny message that popped up but they might see you as their Gojo) and moving along in their path.

They have thought about you a lot and how you two are moving at different paces, not so much different paths. In between these thoughts, they've acknowledged that they don't have what it takes to have you by their side. I'm sensing a - not blockage - but more so closed door they're trying to open up in regarding to their emotions and feelings.

They're motivated to become rich in all aspects. The Ten of Pentacles and the Prince of Wands show their determination to become better and make their dreams/goals a reality for you and them. They daydream a lot about a family with you, whether that's having kids and dog, or just finally being able to be with you.

I feel the need to clarify that they don't jus want to sleep with you. They want the whole love story. I don't feel much sexual energy from them, doesn't mean they don't have those thoughts, it's just that it's not their main focus.

Their reaction to these thoughts was one of motivation. They think of you when they think they deserve a 'treat' or a pick me up when having a bad day. They might get red in the face out of excitement/giddiness so they usually think of you when they're alone. They feel more powerful and with hope for the future.

Song: A Little Messed Up - june

B.

They've seen and feel like you've been working very hard. On what you've been working on depends on the individual. Could be on yourself, work, personal project, or anything else that resonated with you. My hands got super warm with your reading so it could be possible that you've been working with your hands a lot more.

They think of you as knowledgeable and concrete. Stable would be the best way to describe it, but your person thinks of you as concrete, that's the word that continues to pop up. They can't see what you see.

Where is this work of yours going? They assume/know you have a clear image of where this'll take you, but they can't see it. The High Priestess and Sun are how they see you - knowledgeable and bright. To a level where they don't understand your point of view because to them, the two of you are standing on different levels.

Their reaction to these thoughts is wanting to support and help you, but because of the difference of levels that they feel, they don't know how to helps and support you. The Knight of Swords appeared reversed - in this reading to me it indicates that they won't yap about things they have no clue about. They know where they stand and how much knowledge they have, they're not about to give you tips and tricks about things they know nothing about.

Weirdly enough, they do see you above them, but they don't feel inferior. They feel like you're a higher rank, but that they'll reach you one day. I'm getting typical shounen protagonist energy from them, ha! (Side note: what's up with all these anime related messages?)

However, with the Knight of Wands Upright - they will support you and help you in any way that they can, without causing intentional harm in the process.

Song: Wild Ones - Flo Rida feat. Sia

C.

Their most recent thoughts of you is about a fight that the two of you had. Or an issue that you had with them. Let me paint the picture - you were closed off and defensive about something (it'll be different for everyone reading) but it seems like you've already worked out that issue as a couple/team. I am sensing that most people who chose this pile are in a relationship with your person, if not then the two of you or really close.

They're thinking about how great of a time you're having together. It seems like their past relationships/crushes would become rocky or straight up end after an argument or an issue happened. They're honesty happy this worked out so great! You've proven to them that there is a way to fix things.

It could have been a little disagreement that you had with them, but again in past relationships (of your person), that's all it would take for the relationship to end.

I got dizzy reading this pile! This realization hit them like nothing before! Their reaction to these thought's involved a drastic change of how they view all relationships in general. This gave them a lot to reflex on and that for some of those past connections (with family, friends, lovers, etc.) they weren't always to blame for how things ended.

Song: All This Time - Louis Tomlinson

Let me know if it's hard to read because of the color of the text so that I can change it! Thank you for being here 💙💜💙

[fr3sh-tragedies]

Struggle

[Arcane] Jinx x Female Reader

Summary: "You're like my rock, and I want to be that for you, too, even if I don't exactly know how to do it."

Word Count: 3.05k

Content + Warnings: Modern Jinx (Jinx and Reader are in their mid-to-late 20s), insecurities, crying, language (?)

- - - - [Masterlist] - - - -

[A/N]: This is my 100th post on here, and considering my very first story on here (over two years ago) was Jinx, I figured I could sort of celebrate the post count by writing for her again. I'll be posting for all of my current requests after this until they've all been completed, but I just wanted to say thank you all for the support over the past two years. I'm glad you all enjoy my work, especially to the point where you send in requests, and I hope you'll all like the stories I have planned for the future. :)

Enjoy!

Softly, in the corner of the room, a small record player echoed out peaceful melodies, filling the room and replacing the already comfortable silence. You sat in bed, eyes scanning over the pages of a random book you found a few days prior that you were almost finished reading. Wanting Jinx to be relaxed as well, you kept your legs propped up for her to lean against, resting between your feet and resting herself against your legs, letting her head lie snugly on your knees. She kept her arms wrapped around your thighs to ensure you stayed close to her and didn’t disturb the peace.

Her eyes had been closed for a while. Anyone would assume she was asleep. You, however, knew better. It was easy to hear her soft, quick breaths, a total opposite to the deep, even breathing you could often hear from her when she was genuinely resting. Alongside what you could hear, you were able to feel her fingers occasionally tracing random patterns against your skin. It was clear she was trying to be subtle so she wouldn’t ruin your focus on your newfound book, although it wasn’t working.

There wasn’t a disturbance either way since you were already used to her using the tips of her nails to sketch shapes and words on you, though it was still endearing to know she was always actively trying to avoid inconveniencing you. Often, you had to remind her that you didn’t mind how chatty and peppy she could be, and lately you had been encouraging her to just be herself regardless of what was going on. It was a breath of fresh air to have someone so full of life after constantly being surrounded by constant negativity when you had to go to work.

Plus, you knew she was an incredibly kind person at heart. Even when things didn’t go her way, you knew she almost always had good intentions – specifically when it revolves around you. She wasn’t necessarily the best at comforting others, considering she never truly received support herself for so long, but she tried, and that was really all you could ask for.

The very few nights where you’d fall vulnerable to the cruel tricks your mind played on you, she was always there. Always ready to lend an ear, shoulder, words of advice, whatever you needed. During those times, she knew it wasn’t okay to try to crack a joke or make light of the situation until you were calm and stable again, which was something that you couldn’t appreciate more.

Now, while bundled up in bed with Jinx as you read your book, you couldn’t help the smile that brought the corners of your lips up with ease. Your eyes remained on the sepia-toned pages that rested in your hands, though your attention was quickly pulled away when you felt eyes on you. Meeting Jinx’s gaze, her warm smile widened and she lifted her head a bit to look at you properly. “Why’re you staring at me?” You asked, chuckling and tilting your head.

“‘Cause I like looking at you. You’re pretty.”

Nervously, you laughed again, shaking your head and looking back down. “I’m not, but thanks,” you muttered back, fighting back a wince when you felt her shift her body to fully face you. “What? Of course you’re pretty.” She leaned forward, her chest now resting on top of your knees as she slipped her hands upward to cup your face between them. “Did someone tell you you’re not? ‘Cause I’ll kick their ass if they did. Who was it?” A small shake of your head had her increasingly rapid rambling settle down, allowing you to properly respond. “No one told me that, Jinx, you don’t need to kick anyone’s ass,” you replied with another laugh, hoping to ease the growing tension.

“Then… Why'd you say you’re not pretty? Is it because you don’t have makeup on or something? Because you’re beautiful without makeup anyway, so it’s not like you need it or anything. ‘Course, there’s nothing wrong with wearing it, but I’m just saying you don’t need to wear it to look good, y’know?” Before she could start back up on her scattered speech, you leaned to the side and set the book gently down on the nightstand, then lifted your hands and shook them dismissively.

“Jinx, please. It’s so sweet that you think that, really, it is, but I just don’t feel the same way. I never have, if I’m being honest, but I’ve learned to live with it.” Internally, you could already feel the tears beginning to form behind your eyes, prompting you to curse silently to yourself. Why were these types of conversations always so difficult? You’d never been able to accept or believe the compliments people would give you, so why did they keep coming your way? You weren’t entirely sure why you couldn't accept them, though you didn’t want to try to think back on things to find out. Memories were painful, so you tried to avoid them as much as you could.

She seemed entirely baffled at your words, disbelief contorting her features as she let her hands fall to take hold of your own. “C’mon, toots, I’m supposed to be the crazy one, not you.” You raised a brow. “What exactly is making me crazy here?” “Thinking that you’re not good looking. That’s insane to me! You’re one of the best-looking people I’ve ever met.” Again, you shook your head, your smile now feigned as you fought back tears. “You don’t have to lie to me, I’m fine. Like I said, I’ve already gotten used to how I look. I know I don’t look good.”

“Trinket, you know I don’t have the capacity to lie to you. Even if it were life or death, I wouldn’t be able to lie about how incredible you are. You’re pretty, even if you don’t believe it, and even though you might not think I’m telling the truth, I know for a fact that you’re beautiful to me. Inside and out.” Now entirely dismissive, you shook your head again and hugged your arms tightly. “No, I’m not. You can say all you want – tell me everything you supposedly love about me – but I’m not going to believe it. It’s nothing against you, I just know that people aren’t being genuine when they compliment me.”

Without hesitation, Jinx pushed your legs apart and let herself fall down on top of you, her arms snaking their way underneath you and pulling you closer to her. “Well, then I’m just going to have to keep telling you how amazing you are until it gets through that pretty little head of yours,” she murmured, lips pressing themselves quickly against your cheek before her head fell to rest on your shoulder.

“Please don’t do that. It’s only going to make me feel worse,” you replied, and instantly her head shot up to look at you as if you were crazy again. “Worse?” You nodded. “It would just feel like you’re constantly lying to me. I’d only feel more and more guilty every time you said something to compliment me.” Sighing, Jinx shuffled around a bit until she was able to lie beside you and pull you into her chest. “You wouldn’t have any reason to feel guilty for that, though. I’d be saying it myself. It’s not like you’d be forcing me to say stuff like that – I’d be saying it because it’s true.”

Grunting in the process of wriggling your way out of her grasp, you shuffled away from her and crossed your arms over your chest, head drooping and turning away to avoid seeing how hurt she was by your reluctance. “It’s not true, though,” you muttered under your breath. Following your example, Jinx slid her way over to sit beside you again, her hand coming up and gently cradling the side of your face as she turned your head to look at her again. “But it is.”

Already you were growing irritated with the argument – the same one you’ve had with so many people over the past several years. You knew she wasn’t going to give in, even if you managed to give a solid argument, but you also didn’t want her to start causing grief unintentionally, even if she meant well by it. You had never thought you were pretty, or beautiful, or even just slightly good-looking. You’d convinced yourself over the years that you were average at best, and that was just on a good day where your mind wasn’t being cruel to you.

Seeing her gaze at you so lovingly and earnestly, however, was allowing you to bite your tongue and stop yourself from growing overly defensive like you always did about the subject. You didn’t want to upset her. You knew, just like always, that she had good intentions at heart with what she was saying. You weren’t open about this often, so it wasn’t as if she had much to go off of in terms of how you’d react to her trying to comfort you and change your mind about how you saw yourself.

Huffing out a small sigh, you pulled your head away from her hand, letting your focus fall back to the ground. “Look, I know you’re probably being honest about what you’re saying, but-” “No, I’m not “probably” being honest, I am being honest.”

Again, you let a sigh slip past your lips and your shoulder drooped down in defeat. You weren’t going to win against her, though you didn’t want to admit to what you believed was a lie. “Well, either way, my mind isn’t going to change regardless. You could tell me everything you love about me a thousand times a day, and I still wouldn’t believe you.”

“But I don’t understand why you can’t just trust that I know what I’m talking about here.”

“I don’t know either, okay? People tell me randomly that I look good, or that I’m pretty or whatever, but it just never feels true. It feels like they’re lying straight to my face, and I can never believe them, even for a second. I don’t even know why I can't just believe them, but I can’t. I’ve never been able to.”

At first, you hadn’t even realized you had started crying. Not until you felt something dripping against your arms. Looking down, you finally took notice of your blurred vision, as well as the salty drops that trailed down your skin until they dripped and fell to the mattress beneath you. “Oh, trinket,” Jinx started softly from beside you, hand taking yours.

“Please don’t cry. It’s okay. I didn’t mean to upset you, I just want to make sure you know what I think about you. I’m sorry.” As she spoke, she carefully pulled you back into her arms, wanting to make sure she wasn’t making things worse by tugging you against her again. Once you were securely settled leaning on her chest, her free hand made its way up to the back of your head, tilting it down to allow her to comfortably press a small kiss to the top of it. “Please don’t cry,” she repeated just as quietly as before.

It felt like your heart was beginning to break at the sound of her voice shaking and the feeling of her hands trembling against you. She was trying to comfort you, yet you were still somehow upsetting her instead. A sob wracked through your body, and you didn’t have to think twice before you buried your face into her shoulder, partially trying to hide your face as you began to weep in her arms.

No matter how hard you tried, you never seemed to understand her. She was always mentioning how bad she is at comforting, yet you always immediately found yourself wandering to her whenever you were seeking said comfort. Being in her arms alone made you feel incredibly safe, and it was never hard to let the tears flow until you felt better.

Even if your tears stained one of her favorite shirts, she would never get angry. Wouldn’t even get annoyed. She’d simply make a joke about it to let you know she didn’t care, reminding you that she could always change into another shirt. She just wanted you to feel safe and comfortable with her. She wanted you to trust her.

And honestly, with how kindly she always treated you, even when you didn’t deserve it, it wasn’t hard to feel protected and seen when you were with her. You wondered often if you brought her the same kind of unconditional love and trust. Why did she love you so much? She gave and gave constantly, and it seemed like you only ever wanted to take more. How could she not despise you for needing her so badly for the simplest of things?

You shuddered, hiccuping between sobs and trying desperately to pull her as close to you as humanly possible.

“I don’t understand,” you choked out, gaining her attention again and prompting her to lean back far enough to look you in the eye. “Why are you always so kind and patient with me? All I do is upset you and bring everything down, even when you’re trying to help me.”

Upon seeing her bottom lip tremble, brows furrow, and tears grow glossy at your words, your stomach twisted with guilt, already regretting your tone. “Are you kidding me?” She asked with a broken laugh. “You’ve done nothing but bring me joy and laughter since I met you. Sure, there are moments like these where everything’s sort of… glum, I guess, but that’s just a part of life. Before I met you, I felt like it didn’t matter what I did with my life because I didn’t have anyone to share my future with.

“And then I met you, and everything felt so important all of a sudden. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have gone to college or gotten a decent job. I probably wouldn’t have even finished high school, honestly, but I did because of you. You’re everything to me, trinket. You make me want to be a better person, even if I’m not the greatest at doing that.

“Besides, you’re always there for me when I need it, especially when I’m feeling down and need someone to lean on. You’re like my rock, and I want to be that for you, too, even if I don’t exactly know how to do it. I know I might not always know what to say, and sometimes I end up making things worse than they already are, but you’ve never once hated me for that. Even when I fuck things up, you’re still here, telling me how much you love me and how you still want a future with me, and I can never tell you how incredible of a feeling that leaves me with.

That’s why I find you so beautiful. And I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s the truth. Whether we’re talking about inside or out, you’re beautiful, and I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you in my life. I love every single part of you.”

For a long moment, you were only able to stare up at her, tears flowing freely down your face as you slowly soaked in her words. “You do?” She smiled, nodding. “Of course I do. I could never love anyone the way I love you.”

Wordlessly, your head landed back against her shoulder. You felt your eyes shut as exhaustion began to take over from the crying. Combined with the growing fatigue, the feeling of Jinx’s nails returning to scratch soothingly at the nape of your neck brought a sense of solace that only she could ever bring. It was one of her ways of telling you she was there without having to say anything out loud. “I love you, too,” you finally whispered, sniffling and quickly wiping away your tears before they could continue their journey down Jinx’s back.

If she truly meant everything she had said, then you were doing well to provide her with the same amount of consolation she gave you endlessly. She had done everything for you that she claimed you did for her:

Until you met her, it felt like your life had no real purpose. Meeting her and growing close to her helped you find something to look forward to every single day, even if it was something as simple as waking up to see her asleep beside you. Because of her, you had the courage to finish college and chase after your dream job, all with her nonstop support. You could still remember the way she screamed and cheered for you during your high school and college graduations.

You constantly wanted to be a better person for her and ultimately for yourself, meaning you were always finding new ways to improve how you treated yourself and others, especially her. No matter what mistake you ended up making, she was always there with open arms, welcoming you into her embrace and whispering sweet nothings into your ear as she helped you figure things out.

God, you loved her so much.

You wanted to spend the rest of your life with her.

There wasn’t a single future you could see for yourself where she wasn’t in it, and that couldn’t make you happier.

A yawn slipped past your lips, followed by another sigh as your body finally relaxed into hers. “Y’know, I don’t believe it when people say I’m beautiful. I haven’t for a really long time, but somehow you make me want to believe it.”

She leaned back again, gently cupping your face in her hand. “Well, you should believe it because, like I said, it’s true.”

Humming, you offered her a tired smile before leaning forward and pressing a gentle, chaste kiss to her lips. You could feel her smile against your own before you pulled away, briefly looking her in the eye again before returning your head to its original spot on her shoulder.

“Well, I don’t believe it right now, but knowing you, I’m sure that someday I will.”

Thanks for the support by the way! One follower for every day of the year, friends. :)

Started on: October 30th, 2024 Finished on: October 31st, 2024

[s4bbatical]

Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want | Part 4. (Rivals Declan O'Hara x Reader 18+)

see masterlist (PINNED) for all parts

warnings: mentions of sex, cigarette and alcohol use. age gap (reader!22)

━━━━━━☆━━━━━━

Cont’d.

You were still sat in the parking lot. You wipe your eyes with your hands, smearing your mascara before wiping your nose on the sleeve of your coat as you turn on the engine. The radio begins to play Don’t You Want Me by The Human League. You groan as you change the station. Heart Of Glass by Blondie begins to play instead.

“No, nevermind. I hate my life.” You say bitterly, turning off the radio entirely. You begin to drive away with The Corinium in your rearview. “God this is so fucked!” You exclaim to no one, trying to keep yourself level enough to not crash the hunk of metal on wheels.

You manage to drive the rest of the way in complete silence back to your home. You put the car in park, resting your forehead against the steering wheel to cry, very loudly, once more.

A passerby and her child both stare at you like you were mentally unwell, causing you to forcibly smile through your tears and give them a thumbs up. As they clear out of view, you sigh and finally get out of the vehicle.

You kick off your shoes as you enter your apartment, throwing your coat over your armchair. You open your fridge in an instant, pulling out the bottle of wine Taggie had gifted you a week ago.

"Incase of any personal celebrations, y/n." She had told you. To be fair, she never said you couldn't just simply drink it to wallow in pity.

Two hours later and one wine bottle down, you're loudly doing karaoke to your favorite radio station. You've barely had anything to eat due to stress that day, and the alcohol was getting a real grip on you. You're laying on the couch, slurring your lyrics as the phone begins to ring incessantly.

"Go away...!" You moan, covering your ears with a throw pillow. It goes off once again, causing you to finally get up and answer.

"Hello who is this? What do you want?” You say, barely coherent enough for the person on the other end.

"Y/n? Where are you?" You hear Declan say, lots of commotion in the background. He was definitely at Bar Sinister, celebrating with everyone else.

"Home, obviously. You called my landline." You say in annoyance, leaning against the wall.

"I mean, why aren't you here? I wanted to see you and... and talk about things." He says quietly. You could imagine him at the pay phone in the corner of the bar, hiding his conversation from everyone else.

"I'm not coming there." You mumble into the phone, toying with the cord. "Your wife doesn't want me anywhere near you, didn't you know that?" You ask in confusion.

There's a moment of silence before Declan speaks again. "No, I didn't." He says. "That's... I had no idea, y/n. I'm so sorry for bringing you into this." He mutters with an incantation of disappointment behind his words. "I am my own person, I hope you know that. My wife isn't allowed to choose what I do if she lets herself do whatever."

"I know, but I don't want to be the reason you lose your job Declan, or your marriage." You whisper, trying to not cry once again. "I'm sorry, I'm really fucking drunk. I don't know if I can talk right now." You stammer, trying to hold down the bile coming up your throat.

"I understand y/n. But please, let's talk about this." Declan pleas.

"I have to go, I don't feel so good." You hastily hang up the phone, nearly falling over yourself as you make it to your bathroom. You lean over the toilet on your knees, throwing up into the porcelain bowl. You can hear the phone ringing again, but you have no power to answer it again. You lean your head against the seat, groaning. At least you felt a bit better after throwing up.

You eventually get up, retrieving some ibuprofen from your cabinet and popping two in your mouth, running the sink and dipping your mouth underneath it in order to swallow the pills. You knew your liver was spiteful of you right now, but you didn't care as long as you were going to feel better later.

You bring yourself to the kitchen, grabbing a glass and filling it up with water. You take small, consistent sips in order to avoid puking again. You walk over to your couch and put the glass down on the side table, slumping into it as your music continues to blare throughout the living room.

-

You wake up to loud, repetitive knocks on your door, wiping your mouth clear from drool.

"Fuck I fell asleep." You whisper, looking at the clock. It had only been an hour.

You begrudgingly get up, turning down your radio before walking over to your front door. You undo the latch, opening it to reveal Declan.

He turns and faces you, hand on his hips like an annoyed father. You both stare at each other, Declan taking in how disgruntled you looked. Hair knotted, eyes surely puffy. You must've looked insane.

“Declan? How did you know where I live?” You ask, bewildered by his presence.

His face softens when he sees you. "Don’t worry about that.“ He says. “I got worried when you disappeared over the phone, so I came to see if you were okay." He explains.

“Okay… Well, I’m clearly doing great.” You say weakly, gesturing to yourself.

“Y/n, can I please come in?” Declan asks, frowning slightly.

You nod, stepping out of the way to allow him entrance.

Declan had never been in your apartment before, taking in the layout and decor mindfully. "Your apartment, it's very... you." He comments, looking at the black cat clock ticking back and forth on the wall with curiosity.

"Is that good or bad?" You mumble, closing the front door and locking it.

"Good, very good." He says, turning back to face you. "Seb told me you just got up and left before the interview was over. Did that have anything to do with me?" He says, cautiously stepping closer.

"I'm not gonna lie, I'm still drunk." You admit, holding up a finger. “But, Maud called me at my desk right before the interview. She found out because I left my stupid fucking bra behind by accident and now I have done irreparable damage.” You breathe out, laughing at yourself so you don't cry.

Declan says nothing, slowly taking you into an embrace. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” He whispers into your hair. “I made the choices, not you.”

“But it’s still my fault, too.” You barely say loud enough, a few stray tears leaving your eyes again. You do not reciprocate the hug, simply staying limp in his arms. You had worn yourself down.

“Please, don’t cry.” Declan sighs, pulling back to wipe your tears with his thumb. “I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

Your stomach loudly grumbles, causing you to laugh again. “Sorry.” You say meekly, holding your stomach.

"Have you had anything to eat since this morning?" He asks, furrowing his brows as he grabs your arms.

"No, I haven't been able to keep anything down." You mumble, your stomach grumbling again on cue.

"Jesus, y/n. Please go lay down and watch the telly, I'm gonna cook you something." He says, directing you to your couch.

"I don't really have any groceries. I need to buy some more." You explain as you lay back down, Declan opening your fridge to reveal some skimmed leftovers, two eggs and a block of cheese.

"Mm, I see." He closes the fridge. "I'm gonna go to the store quickly, then. Stay put and keep drinking your water." He says, heading back towards the front door.

"Declan, you don't have to-" You try to say.

"Ah, don't argue please." He turns to you to say. “I’ll be back.” He opens the door and disappears back outside, closing it behind him.

You close your eyes and sigh. With the dull ache in your head and your lack of energy, you had no power to fight with Declan. You were afraid of the consequences of his arrival, but he was just as stubborn as the rest of them. Nothing you could say or do would stop him from giving a damn about you.

About fifteen minutes later, Declan returns. “I hope you like having fruits and vegetables. Taggie’s taught me to be more concerned about my diet, trying to spread the good word.” He says, taking off his shoes after placing two plastic bags worth of groceries on the counter.

“If you can manage to fit all of that in my shitty little fridge, I’ll applaud you.” You say, opening one eye to look over at him. “Thank you Declan. For this.” You say, sitting back up.

“It’s nothing, really. I’m the reason you’re feeling like shit, it’s up to me to change that.” He smiles, although seeming quite tired himself.

“Are you sure you should be here? I’m just worried if anyone–“

“Don’t worry about it. Like I said, what I decide to do is on my own volition. I’m a grown man, y/n.” He says matter-of-fact, leaning over your kitchen counter.

“You should be celebrating with everyone. You shouldn’t be here.” You try to say sternly, crossing your arms.

Declan stands up straight, mimicking your body language. “I told everyone I needed to go home. Taggie and Maud already left before I did so I highly doubt they know, nor care.” He explains, opening a box of pasta. “I hope you don’t mind a simple spaghetti dish, I’m not as great of a cook as you or my daughter are.” He admits meekly.

“Do whatever, I’m not stopping you from anything clearly.” You sigh, laying down once more.

-

After you and Declan eat dinner together, he allows you to fall asleep with your head in his lap while watching the T.V.

When you wake up the next morning, you found yourself in your bed with your nightgown on somehow, realizing Declan must’ve, quite literally, tucked you into bed.

A piece of paper from your daily planner lies on your bedside table, picking it up as you slowly read it through heavy eyelids.

Y/n,

I hope you slept well, and had pleasant dreams of home. I’m sorry I couldn’t stay around, I would’ve if I could.

With that being said, I want to give you the choice of whether or not you wish to continue with us. I know that I told you no one can affect my choices, and I am firm with knowing what I want; but I do not wish to ignore your needs or wants. You are your own person as well. I care about you greatly, and have found myself more fond of you as time goes on. However, it is not worth being selfish at the cost of your suffrage.

I want what is best for you, and I hope you do too.

P.S., Leftover spaghetti for you in the fridge.

Sincerely,

Declan

You slowly put the paper back down, tucking your knees into your chest as you wrap your arms around your legs. It was Sunday, technically you had until tomorrow to give him an answer if you were to be kind about time.

What were you going to do? You couldn't deny it; you were beginning to fall in love with Declan O'Hara. Quite frankly, you think he might be feeling the same way. Would he leave his wife for you? That would be ridiculous. Everyone cheats on their partners here, but no one divorces. God forbid, right?

You get up finally after staring at the wall for ten minutes, begrudgingly walking into the living/kitchen space. All your dishes were washed and left out to dry, thanks to Declan.

You smile to yourself, grabbing ahold of the phone off the receiver with an idea. You dial Seb's number, waiting a few moments before he picks up.

"Hello, Seb speaking." He says groggily, clearly had been woken up by your call.

"Seb, hi. Sorry for calling at eleven in the morning." You jest, poking fun at his tired voice considering it wasn't even that early.

"Y/n, nice to hear from you. Is everything alright? You don't sound too well." He asks, yawning.

"Erm, no. I don't feel well, I think I've gotten the flu or something." You say, your hangover making you sound like you weren't lying. "Would you mind taking on my tasks at work for the next few days? Tell Tony for me, he honestly scares me too much for me to call him myself." You admit sheepishly, rubbing your forehead. In full honesty, you wanted to avoid the office like the plague. You were at the tipping point of whether or not you go back to America and pretend none of this ever happened.

"Course, I'm sorry to hear about that. Can I do anything for you? Bring you meds or tea of the sort?" Seb offers.

"No, thanks though. I'm just gonna rot with what I've got kicking around here. My mom's a health nut, she sent me here with all kinds of crap." You say, leaning against the wall.

"Alright then. You got it, madam. Take care of yourself yeah?" He says.

"Will do. See you Seb."

"Bye y/n."

You mount the phone back on the receiver, keeping your gaze on it as you continue to lean against the wall. You debated calling Declan as well to thank him for everything last night, but you fought against it. You'd rather sit and hide until you sorted out your mind before speaking to him again. It was only fair, really.

You walk over to your fridge, retrieving the container of spaghetti. You grab a fork as well, making your way to the couch. You turn on the television and begin to eat the leftovers. You didn't care enough to warm it up, you felt like punishing yourself by eating it cold.

-

As the the week passes, you find yourself indulging in your old hobbies, such as reading and painting. You bought a cheap art set from an art supply store on the shopping strip a few blocks away from your home, and used books from the secondhand shop. Taggie had come to hang out with you twice, chalking up your absence from work due to being homesick. Although your free time was peaceful, you knew better than to waste away instead of going to work.

On the day of Miss Corinium, you had clocked back into work. Seb convinced you to do so, and caught you up with what you missed in the meantime.

"So the Thatcher interview went to James Vereker instead?" You ask in bemusement, walking down the hall alongside your colleague.

"Yep, and Declan did not take it kindly. He took the week off as well, actually. Neither of you have been in until now. People suspect he had more things going on and that was just the final nail in the coffin." Seb says, both of you returning to your desk space.

"Really?" You ask, trying to hide your worries behind gossiping with Seb. It was quite entertaining, really. You wouldn't have expected him to be the nosiest out of everyone else, but you kept getting surprises every other day.

"Yep, drinking like a fucking maniac too." He adds sympathetically. You frown at that statement, becoming increasingly worried for Declan as minutes pass.

"Come on everybody, down to the stage please." Tony exclaims, everyone getting up from their stations.

You make your way down alongside Seb, noticing Daysee hastily walking ahead the two of you.

“Daysee!" You exclaim, the blonde turning around with wide eyes. "I've missed you!" You go to hug her, in which she backs away like a scared cat.

"Sorry, not right now." She quickly whispers, continuing to walk away. She seemed as though she'd been crying.

"What the fuck is happening?" You ask Seb, who shrugs in equal confusion.

As you all make it to the sound stage, you see Declan nearly tripping over his own feet. His eyes land on you, causing your breath to hitch in your throat.

“Y/n, long time no see.” He slurs, leaning up against the wall to smile at you.

“Get a fucking grip, O’Hara. What the fuck are you doing?” You seethe, disappointed by his actions.

“What’d mean? The fuck are you doing? Haven’t said a word to me all week.” He mutters, trying to reach for the glass behind you.

You grab his arm tightly, causing his eyes to go wide. “This is not the time nor fucking place for this. I have every right to keep to myself. I’m doing my job and you’re doing yours, right?” You whisper harshly, pushing his arm back to him. You step back and watch as Seb attempts to entice Declan with a mug of water, to which he takes begrudgingly as he keeps his eyes on you.

"Daysee, nice dress." He compliments the blonde as she walks by, who gives him a look of distraught as she begins to cry.

You and Seb instantly look at each other in understanding. He forcefully gives Declan back his blazer before following her.

Declan looks at you with confusion. “What’d I do?” He asks.

“I don’t know, but maybe you can do us all a favour and shut the fuck up.” You retort, following Seb.

-

You were fuming in that control room.

You sat directly beside Daysee, who gripped your hand the whole time. She barely looked at anyone as she called cues, causing you to trace your thumb over her hand as you tried not to frown yourself. She did not wish to speak on it further or make a bigger deal of it, to which you and Seb both respected as the show had to go on.

James Vereker and Sarah Stratton go on to introduce all the judges, your stomach growing a pit as James says Declan's name, the camera cutting to a very intoxciated O'Hara. "Back in the saddle after his indisposition earlier this week." He quips, the camera then moving onto the last and very, very least man on the panel.

"Ex-prebendary from the Church of England, Reverend Fergus Penney." Sarah says, everyone clapping along at the line up.

Daysee's grip on your hand tightens as Reverend Penny appears on screen, causing you to press your forehead to her shoulder briefly as the show continues on.

You watch as the television screens show Declan seeming rather displeased with who he was sat beside. You begin to realize he may know what has gone on, repositioning yourself in your seat as you continue to watch onwards.

Seb attempts to put a hand on Daysee's shoulder, to which she jumps slightly.

"Don't." You whisper, shaking your head at him as he steps back. You wince as you watch Declan barely manage to fill a glass of water.

"Reverend Penney, are you looking for perfection tonight?" James asks after they showcase a lineup of young, fit women.

"Oh... well, perfection is not my concern. The qualities that I'm looking for in the inaugural Miss Corinium, uh, consists of, uh, a healthy body and sound morals." The old man says, causing you to purse your lips. Hypocrite. You think to yourself.

As if Declan has read your mind, he begins to interject. "You filthy, hypocritical, old git." He spits out, standing up to sucker punch Reverend Penney.

The entire control room gasps at the sight, along with the audience.

"What the fuck is he doing? Cut the feed." Cameron Cook exclaims, everyone rushing to end the livestream.

You race over the the viewing glass, watching Wesley Emerson hold back Declan from fighting furthermore.

"You'll get what's coming to you!" Declan yells, pointing at Reverend Penny.

"He's ruined everything." Daysee says.

You turn around, watching everyone stare in dismay. After a minute of standing in silence by yourself, you quickly make your way through the room, pushing the doors open to find Declan.

As you run doing the hall, you hear commotion in the office.

You watch as Declan pins Tony against the wall, then eventually proceeds to take a golf club and throw it through the glass. You gasp, covering your mouth.

Declan sees you, his face dropping as you both stand there, staring at each other.

Without hesitation, you gather your belongings and begin to head back down the hallway, this time going towards the exit.

"Y/n, wait!” Declan yells, following you down the stairs. "Y/n, stop! I need to talk to you!"

You push through the rotating entrance door, taken aback by Freddie and Rupert waiting with a car right in front.

"Y/n, are you okay? Do you need a lift?" Rupert asks, noticing your bewilderment as Declan charges outside behind you.

"No, I have my own car. Thanks though." You say, attempting to walk away.

"I just quit my job." Declan says suddenly, directed towards everyone. You look back at him with wide eyes.

"Get in the car, lads. Let's get rat-arsed." Freddie suggests, Rupert opening the door for Declan.

"Y/n, please let me talk to you." Declan pleas once more, standing in front of you with his back towards the other two.

"Declan," You sigh, looking up at him. "About what?" You ask, throw your arms up then dropping them. You watch him fail to answer, as you two were not alone. "Give it up. Go get rat-arsed, or whatever." You say, squinting in confusion as you say the sentence yourself.

Declan grabs your arm, looking into your eyes. "Please, y/n."

"You’re drunk, Declan." You say firmly, pulling your arm away. “Grow up.” You mutter bitterly.

You watch as Rupert forces him into the car, the door slamming as Declan continues to stare at you through the window. You shake your head in disappointment.

"Y/n..." Rupert says, causing you to look at him instead. "I see how he looks at you." He whispers, smiling with sympathy. "If you really care about him, it's worth fighting for. Believe me." He says, causing your eyes to widen. Did he know too?

"And why should I listen to you?" You say quietly, raising a brow at him.

"Because, I can tell when something is worthwhile than most. Also, between you and me, he seems happier with you around." He adds. "Just trust me." He says, placing a hand on your shoulder before dropping it. "Think about it, yeah?" He finishes, getting into the car before Freddie drives it away.

You stand still for a few seconds, watching the car disappear as you process the day that had fallen upon you. It was rather ludicrous how your first day back after sick leave left you in shambles, but could you expect anything less? Your internship was making you question whether or not journalism was even the career choice for you. It was becoming redundant.

You sigh, making your way to your car.

-

You were sitting in your armchair, attempting to focus on your Murakami novel. Your mind was going a thousand miles an hour, trying to process every single thing that has happened within the past month. It had been two weeks since you last saw Declan, and you were sure you'd never see him again as he did not attempt to reach out to you in any way since his departure at The Corinium.

Tony Baddingham had made you all begin to sign contracts, having to hand them in by Friday as a form of devotion and to not hand yourself off to Declan O'Hara and his band of misfits. Apparently, he was attempting to start up a company to take down Corinium.

As your mind consumes you, you quickly head over to your phone, dialing Seb as per usual.

"Seb speaking." He says.

"Seb, this is fucked up. What is happening?" You ask, biting your nails in a nervous tick.

"I don't know." He sighs. "I can't lose my job, y/n. I have to stay at The Corinium."

"Well, me neither. I'm with you on that." You say. "Do you think Tony's going to start firing us? I can't go back home, this job is all I've got." You explain, your hand white knuckling the cord of your phone.

"No, I don't think so. He’s got us signing papers for god’s sake. What's the worse that can happen? We haven't done anything to make Lord Baddingham think we're with Declan, have we?"

You go quiet for a moment before clearing your throat. "Right, course not. That would be ridiculous." You say, grabbing the back of your neck.

"I'll see you on Monday. It's alright, y/n. We've got each other." He reassures.

"Right, course. Bye Seb." You say, hanging up the phone.

As soon as you hang up the phone, your receiver starts to ring. You pick it up once again in confusion.

"Hello, who is this?" You ask.

"Y/n, it's Taggie." She says quietly.

"Taggie, love, hi. Did you want to come over?"

"...Can I? I feel like my house is falling apart. I could use your company."

"Well of course. Is everything alright?" You querie.

"No, not even in the slightest. I'll tell you once I get there."

"Yeah, no problem. See you soon."

"See you."

You hang up the phone again, groaning loudly. "I swear to god if it is possible to have a heart attack at twenty two it will happen to me of all people." You say to yourself, putting your head in your hands as you rub your face.

About twenty minutes later, Taggie enters your apartment. You gave her a spare key the last time you came over, figuring it would be nice to allow her to come over and keep you company whenever.

"Y/n, I feel like I'm going fucking crazy." She exclaims, taking off her sneakers.

"Do you need a glass of wine or...?" You suggest, already pouring two.

"Well, if you insist." She tries to jest, leaning against the counter as she presses her hands to her temples.

"What's going on?" You ask, sipping your own glass.

Taggie sighs heavily before speaking. "My mum's gone to London, and I don't think she plans on coming back." She says quietly, staring at the counter. "I would be more upset, but I think my parents giving up on each other was a long time coming." She admits, taking a deep sip of her glass.

"What?" You say, nearly choking on your own wine. "Your mom's leaving Declan?" You ask in dismay.

Declan’s washed up attitude was now finally making sense, and you began to feel guilty for not trying to reach out to him. You figured you were doing what was best, but maybe you were too narrow-minded to really know the answer to that one. You couldn’t help but feel a bit excited over the news.

"Yeah... At least I think she is. She left to rejoin the theatre, which means she definitely will cheat on my dad again so I think he gave up on her.” She says quietly.

“I’m sorry Tags.” You whisper, frowning. You hated to see her upset, any person in their right mind could never wish that upon Taggie.

“Not only that,” She continues on. “Rupert and Freddie have created a television company with my father in hopes it'll take out Corinium. Rupert's idea, in order to help my father pay back his debts.” She says, wincing as she finishes off her glass in another large gulp.

"Yeah, I heard about that. Christ um, that's a lot Taggie.” You pause for a moment. “Rupert really cares about you, doesn’t he?”

Taggie shakes her head slowly. “I don’t think he’s doing all this for me, y/n. That’d be absurd.” She tries to argue.

“Right, because he must be so in love with your dad.” You muse, raising your brows.

"That’s not the point!” She groans. “I want you to join us, y/n." She says, offering you a smile. "Well, I want them to hire you so you can leave the Corinium and still keep your work visa. Does that feel sound to you?" She asks, standing up straight.

You put your glass down, engulfing Taggie in a hug. "God, I could kiss you right now." You say, sighing with relief. "Do you really think this'll work? I'm just worried, cause they've got us signing contracts at Corinium." You ask, sitting back down on your stool.

"Mmm, I’ve heard about that myself." She says. "I accidentally came across Charles Fairburn when I was trying to get signatures. He's already willing to be on our team as a mole." She grins. "I'm not forcing you to do the same, but how do you feel about working for Venturer, y/n?" She asks, placing her hand down on the counter.

"Venturer? That's what they've called it?" You hum, picking up your glass and taking another sip of your wine.

You couldn’t figure out whether or not this was a good choice to make. Realistically, this could potentially send you straight back to America. On the other hand, the reason why you took on journalism was to do something you truly loved, which was speaking for the people. You knew if Venturer made it out alive, you’d have a bigger voice on the team.

Plus, maybe it was worth seeing Declan again. Deep down, you still cared greatly for him. It was your own fault that you had confrontation issues and blew up the situation bigger than it had to be.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll do it." You say, causing Taggie to grin from ear to ear.

"Yes! I knew you'd say yes." She cheers, jumping slightly on the spot. “We’re hosting dinner at our house tomorrow night for the team. Care to join us?” She asks, her blue eyes lighting up with joy.

“Yeah, absolutely. How can I say no to a Taggie special?” You grin, the both of you laughing together. You were so grateful for Taggie, it seemed like whenever the two of you spent time together, something always turned around for the better.

-

You find yourself standing front of The Priory the next day. It had been quite awhile since the last time you were there, you couldn’t help but take in the view.

Suddenly, Gertrude comes barrelling around the corner at you. You kneel down, greeting the dog eagerly. “Oh hi baby! I missed you!” You coo, hugging the dog and scratching behind her ears. You hear footsteps, looking up and meeting Taggie’s eyes.

“I’m glad you made it.” She says with a smile on her face. “Everyone’s in the back by the garden. Follow me.” She gestures for you to do so, causing you and Gertrude to both make way to the garden.

As you turn the corner, you’re instantly greeted with Declan’s eyes. Rupert was in the middle of speaking to him when he follows his gaze, smirking when he notices you as well. There were others also sat around the table, a few you recognize and some you don’t.

You give Declan a warm smile, watching him reciprocate it as you sit down across from him, following your nametag.

“Y/n, lovely seeing you.” Freddie says, giving you a classic grin as you chuckle lightly.

“Likewise. It’s been a long few weeks, hasn’t it?” You comment, thanking Rupert when he gets up and pours you a glass of wine. You feel your cheeks warm up as you notice Declan’s eyes never leave you, although you were trying your best to look elsewhere.

“Tell me about it. You’re still at Corinium?” Rupert asks, sitting back down.

“Unfortunately. But erm, if you guys will have me I’ll gladly leave. It just depends on how it’ll go with my work visa and all that. Might have to reapply.” You say, shrugging as you sip your wine.

“We’d be more than happy to do so, y/n. Right Declan?” Rupert quizzes, nudging his frozen friend.

Declan blinks rapidly, clearing his throat. “Right, course. We’d love to have you.” He says quietly, looking down at the table briefly before looking at you again.

“Dinner is served!” Taggie announces, carrying out plates with Caitlin and Patrick, both who have returned home from school.

“Hi y/n.” Caitlin says, giving your shoulders a squeeze after she serves your a plate. You smile at her widely.

“So, how has it been without Maud in the house?” Rupert asks, causing half the table to light up in commotion and the other half to stay quiet.

“Rupert.” Lizzie says firmly, smacking his arm.

“What? Sorry I just wanted to know is all, christ you people are no fun.” He remarks, taking a bite of his food.

“It’s been quiet.” Taggie says suddenly, causing you all to fall quiet. “It feels more peaceful, in a way.” She admits, placing down the last plate of food. “Everyone, please enjoy.” She says, finally sitting down beside you.

You look across the table at Declan, who’s looking down at his feet. You taste the first few bites in silence, keeping your gaze on your plate as you listen to other conversations around you. You decide that maybe it was now or never to have a chance to speak with Declan. You just needed to step out briefly.

“I forgot something in my car, I’ll be back.” You say, getting up from your seat. Declan watches you exit dinner, disappearing around the corner.

“I’ll go get us another bottle of wine.” He says, getting up and re-entering the house.

You figured he wasn’t going to bother speaking to you, your heart sinking as you still walk over to your car incase anyone was watching. You lean up against the beater, biting at your nails.

Nearly jumping to your feet, you hear the front door open, revealing Declan. You realize he must’ve gone through the house to avoid suspicion.

He slowly approaches you, hand in his pockets as he halts about five feet away from you.

You turn to face him properly, clearing a few strands of hair from your face as you cross your arms.

“Hi.” He says timidly.

You’ve never seen Declan so reserved before, it was almost humorous.

“Hi.” You say back. “Nice shirt.” You comment, pointing to the Venturer graphic across his firm chest.

“Thanks. Taggie ordered ‘em. You can have one too if you’d like, they’re inside.” He says, giving you a smile. “Um, how’ve you been?” He asks.

“Been better. Trying to keep myself level, it’s not very easy apparently.” You try to joke, pursing your lips. “I’m sorry about the whole Maud thing. I mean it.” You say, shifting your weight from off the car. “You’ve always deserved better.” You mumble.

He nods slowly, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah well, I insisted she go and be happy. It wasn’t cutting it for her here, she was happier in London and I’m happier here. Nothing stays linear.” He admits, shrugging. “I’m beyond it. I mourned our relationship ages ago.” He adds.

“Do you… miss her, at all?” You ask quietly.

“I miss the person I fell in love with. I think that woman and the one she is now are two completely different people.” He says, smiling sadly.

You nod slowly in understanding. “Do you still love her, then?”

Declan bites the inside of his cheek, pausing in deep thought. “I care about her, but I don’t think she is who I really love anymore.”

You furrow your brows at his response. “I don’t think I understand what you’re saying.”

Declan takes a few steps closer to you. “Y/n, I missed you, a lot.” He admits. “The last time I saw you, I figured that you never wanted to see me again. I wanna know if that’s true or not.”

You drop your arms, staring at Declan as your heartbeat increases rapidly. “Of course I wanted to see you. I just– God, you didn’t call me for two weeks Declan. You didn’t even try to see if that was really how I felt.” You try to argue.

Declan scoffs. “I could say the same, y/n. I didn’t call you because I thought you were crossed with me! The way you spoke to me on my last day at Corinium? How can you expect me to reach out when you gave me the impression that whatever this was-“ He gestures between you two. “-was over with.” He exclaims.

“I don’t know! I figured with the note you left for me that I was worth a call, or even a visit! You drive me fucking crazy because I fell for you, Declan!” You exasperate, Declan’s eyes widen at your statement. “Even if you thought I wanted nothing else to do with you, you could’ve at least tried to–!”

“You have feelings for me?” He whispers.

You pause for a moment, scoffing. “Seriously? That’s all you got from that?”

He steps in close and grabs your face, kissing you desperately.

You don’t react at first, taking in the moment as you begin to kiss him back.

-

After about 20 minutes, the two of you are entangled in the backseat of your car. It took you by surprise that it was even possible to have sex in such a small car, but with the right person– anything is possible.

“I missed this.” You say, humming with your eyes closed. You were sitting on his lap with your head tucked into the side of his neck, your bare torsos pressed against each other.

“Me too.” Declan whispers. “So you like me, eh?” He says, tucking hair behind your ear with a grin. The windows were foggy and your skin was sticky, it felt like a scene from a movie.

You pull your head back and roll your eyes. “I wish I would’ve said it in a better way but… yeah, I think so.” You admit, looking down.

He grabs your chin and lifts it up, forcing you to make eye contact again. “When I said Maud isn’t who I really love anymore, I was referring to you.”

“Ohhh… That makes more sense now.” You say, laughing quietly as Declan shakes his head.

“I thought you were taught literacy in school, y/n.”

“Oh shut the fuck up, Declan.” You say with a smile. “I could stay like this forever.” You whisper.“But we need to get back to dinner before anyone sees us.” You say, earning another kiss from him. You laugh against his lips, his mustache tickling your nose as his embrace around you tightens. “I’m serious, you idiot.” You muse, smacking his arm.

“We’ll talk more about this later.” He says, winking as he places a firm smack on your arse.

“Hey!” You exclaim, rolling your eyes as the two of you begin to redress yourselves before getting out of the car.

Declan goes back through the house, showing up about two minutes after you.

“Where’s the wine?” Rupert asks Declan, raising a brow as his eyes scan over the both of you.

“Ah, couldn’t find the one I was looking for.” He simply says, making brief eye contact with you as you both sit back down.

You couldn’t help but continuously smile through the evening, even kicking your feet a little underneath the table whenever Declan spoke.

You knew it was going to be difficult to tell anyone, but at least you knew Rupert was on your side, even if that wasn’t the most ideal person. Besides, you had a feeling something was going on between him and Taggie; they basically had sex with their eyes whenever they were in a room together. There was little to hide, and it assured you that Taggie wouldn’t be that distraught with the idea of you and her father. Hopefully.

As the evening led on, guests start to leave The Priory, leaving you and the O’Hara’s to get ready for slumber.

You had just finished up saying goodnight to Taggie and Caitlin when you entered the guest bedroom, smiling when you see Declan laying upon the mattress. He was reading your book, glasses on that made him look like a history professor.

“What’re you doing here?” You quiz, walking over to the bed.

“Mm, my bed felt too lumpy.” He mumbles, placing the book on his chest.

“Is that so, princess and the pea?” You say sarcastically, climbing in beside him. You grab the book and place it on the bedside table, allowing yourself to cuddle up beside him with your head on his chest.

Declan wraps his arm around you, keeping his other hand behind his head as he traced his fingers along your bare arm. “Nice book you’ve got there. Maybe you’d be interested in proofreading my Yeates piece.” He suggests, in which you hum in response.

“I’d be honored.” You smile, looking up at him. “Are you gonna tell anyone about us?” You ask quietly. You were afraid of any answer he was going to give, in full honesty. Having to deal with a public relationship between the two of you may do more harm than good.

“I think I’d have to ask you to be my girlfriend first, y/n.” Declan jests, placing his glasses on top his head.

Your cheeks flush, causing you to hide your face in his chest. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed.” You mumble, causing Declan’s chest to vibrate with laughter.

“No, don’t be sorry love.” He squeezes your arm, causing you to look up again. “Y/n,” He clears his throat before continuing. “Will you be my girlfriend?” He asks.

Your stomach flutters as a big smile stretches across your face. “Controversially young girlfriend you say? Yeah… I think I could do that.” You say, sitting up and bringing your legs over to be on both sides of his hips.

“Is that what people call it now?” He muses, looking up at you. “Hm, has a ring to it.” He mumbles, pulling your face into his as he begins to kiss you for what felt like the thousandth time that night.

-

You both had eventually fell asleep in each other’s arms at some point, finding yourself groggily waking up to the sound of commotion downstairs in the kitchen.

Declan is nowhere to be seen, assuming that he had already gotten up for the day.

You sit up and stretch, smiling lazily to yourself. You put on your own Venturer shirt, staying in a pair of pyjama bottoms you had borrowed from Taggie as you make your way down the stairs.

You are greeted with the sight of the Venturer Team once again, everyone discussing something rather solemnly.

“Good morning!” You say, your smile faltering when everyone looks at you with differentiating facial expressions– all mainly of concern.

Taggie walks through the crowd with a frown as she hands over a newspaper, pointing to the cover.

There were photos of you and Declan printed out on the front page, along with Taggie and Rupert. The headlines were accusing of them preying on younger women, most definitely the doings of Tony Baddingham.

You read the article over and over, your eyes widening with every sentence. You shamefully lower it from your gaze, looking at everyone else.

Well, fuck.

-

SHIT…. Fawk… again i know im literally the one writing this but im like 😐🙁😭 why can no one catch a fucking break. brutal

thank you for the support, this series now has over 100 notes just the first part alone YAYY. thank you for your love and devotion. this new part is my gift to you.

i’m hoping to make the next part the last part but i’m quite sure i said the same thing two parts ago so whatever don’t hold me accountable. CHEERS!

as always,

isabel

[somewhereincairparavel]

If Jason's character had been written to its fullest potential, as you and many others have discussed several times, do you think that there would still be a large amount of favouritism towards Percy or do you think there would just be people arguing over who's better?

Personally I like to think that if we had gotten a few books documenting Jason's time at Camp Jupiter prior to the release of The Lost Hero, people would've had time to warm up to Jason a bit more and develop a fondness for his character and then the second option probably would've happened but what do you think?

my inbox was sort of jammed w asks so I'm sorry this took so long anon! i wanted this post to be more in-depth and not lazily written so I waited for a while to get my motivation recharged again, i hope this post reaches you somehow haha

my take on this, is that yes, jason would've gained more support than he did originally, and there wouldn't have been an agressive bandwagon of people jumping on the slander train, but he would still be somewhat disliked/suppressed imo.

from what I've observed the hate doesn't just stem fom him being uninteresting, it's combined with a lot of people's attachment towards percy, that they gatekeep him and are agressive to anyone who even alludes that other characters have a chance of being more interesting/powerful if rick hadn't played favourites. (like hazel, nico, thalia, etc)

i think you'll get a better perspective with this example I'll be giving you from one of my observations (i sound like a philosophy professor pfft)

I was on the r/camphalfblood reddit once, and a post came up on my feed, the person went on to rant about how jason shouldn't be 'trying so hard to suck up to nico by being so overbearing' and that they 'wished it wasn't jason with nico in that scene, it should've been someone else' and that rick shouldn't have made jason so nice and understanding about it. they were outright bashing him for being supportive?? idk it was clear they favoured percy over him and had some kind of prejudice against jason.

i didn't even understand what op was so pressed about. that jason wasn't being homophobic and was being a supportive ally? lol thankfully the comments went off and a few of them said 'you're saying this but you would be bashing jason if he wasn't comforting nico as well, jason can never win in the fandom' and that was VERY true.

I've seen people say that jason shouldn't have been written to be a very handsome heartthrob either and that they were very annoyed that rick kept emphasizing his good looks, making him 'too perfect' but that person failed to acknowledge that rick emphasized percy's attractiveness way more than he did jason lol but that was apparently completely alright (to me it just translated to 'how dare rick make jason as good looking as percy, only percy is allowed to be hot, jason deserved to look like an ugly rat' LOL)

so you can see how people pick on him about the most trivial things ever to 'defend' percy from imaginary arguments/rivalry lol

if jason was written well, they'd still find a way to hate on him, probably tossing the 'hes such a gary stu he has no flaws' in there aswell

funny thing is that they hated him for being too perfect and not making mistakes, but proceeded to SHRED him to pieces during MOA when he said he was suspicious of nico. didn't you just claim that he needed flaws? but the moment he displays it you are driven off of the handle??

I do have an interesting perspective that works in jason's favour tho, where I'm willing to bet that atleast 80% of the fandom would've been sympathetic to his struggle and he would've become a fan favourite, even going as far as to rival percy's fame, where, like you mentioned, there would've been equal percy and jason stans and it would've become a debate as to who is better. (hint: villian jason grace) send me an ask if you want me to elaborate on this ;)

[whateversawesome]

Fandom Wrapped + Some SxF Fic Recs

The year is almost over so it's a good time to reflect on all the wonderful fics we read and all the fics we wrote as well. I'm sure you have your favorites 😃

Here's my fandom wrapped plus a few fic recs and reflections:

(Special thanks to @katty-king-elfans for creating these templates so we can all have a fun fandom wrapped)

It's always hard to choose a favorite but this year, there was a clear winner in my heart:

After Peace by @unhappy-sometimes : To me, this fic is a masterpiece. I could talk about its interesting premise, the development of the characters or even the use of beautiful metaphors, however, for me, the most important thing is how this story just reached the deepest part of my heart.

Do you sometimes feel like you can't make any mistakes? Do you feel like if you do, you could derail your life forever? Well, this story shows us that's not true. It's a story about second chances about rebuilding life after huge mistakes, after being hurt, after thinking life is over.

And it's also a story about how unsettling "peace" can be after a lifetime of fighting. Here, Twilight is retired, he has "won" and there's finally peace between East and West, but his life is now meaningless. It takes place after the hero reaches the climax of his story and wonders 'now what?' Enter Anya and Yor to revive this man!

I won't say anything else to avoid spoiling it for you. If you haven't read it, do yourself a favor and read it here!

Other amazing piece this year that I loved in the visual art field was:

Bad Omen by @buf309-art-binder , which is not a fic per se, but a fancomic that uses both visual art and written language to tell an amazing (and angsty) story about wanting to protect what we love the most by becoming "hunters".

Here, we see Yor's perspective through a memory. She protects Yuri's innocence from death and pain by hiding both from him. In the present, Yor reflects about how fragile life can be and we learn how she views herself: as someone who stole her time from others.

However, Twilight tells her otherwise. To him, she's more than someone who just fights and destroys. To him, he's the reason why he's been able to heal 💖

The fancomic wraps up in a spectacular way, right in the middle of an action scene, where we see Yuri as an adult but at the same time, relying on his sister's wisdom, just as when he was a child, because of a dire situation. In this scene, Buf warps up everything and tells us that Loid and Yor were right about referring to themselves as a canary and an owl.

And the story's cliffhanger at the very end is to die for!! 😱 If you haven't read it or if you want to read it for the 100th time like me, here it is.

I would also like to send a ton of love to Ari_Gateau @lpham2525 for her amazing stories that never fail to lift my heart; to @rachellysebrook but writing the most emotional fic I read this year: Pink Sakura (Rach, you owe me a box of tissues.) And to Puolain @loveroma whose fics are truly magical (and that kiss scene in Hide and Seek was hands down my favorite). Honorable mention to Talik_Sanis who is not on tumblr (not that I know) for writing some of the funniest sxf fics I've read.

I want to thank all the authors who kept writing and contributing to the fandom. Thank you!

Now, if you're also interested on my Writer Wrapped, here it is!

As you can see, My Enemy took almost all the categories in this wrapped. It has been very challenging but also very satisfying.

As some of you may know, I love reading and writing AUs but before writing this AU, I thought AUs were not very popular among readers. That's why I'm so grateful this fic has had such a positive answer. Thank you to all of those who have read, commented, and supported this story 💖 And for those who have no clue what I'm talking about 😆 you can read it here.

On a personal note, this fic has helped me understand a lot of things about life. My favorite scene this year (the blessing) felt so cathartic to me, because we're so conditioned to think that we must be useful for people to love us and that's not true. The people that love us do so because of our simple existence. Writing that, seeing those words on the screen, made me feel relieved. If you're interested, I explained it in detail a couple of weeks ago here.

Although My Enemy has taken most of my writing time, I've also had the opportunity to write other one-shots. My two favorites this year are:

Birthdays: A tooth-rotting fluff fic about all the Forgers' birthdays.

Deadly Encounters at the Department Store: A comedy in which Yor faces an embarrassing situation at the department store.

Also, I got to write a small one-shot sequel for Love Is... called I Choose You.

In addition, I also wrote for a couple of different ships besides Twiyor. Given my strong twiyor brainrot, I considered these two fics a fun challenge. Both fics were written as birthday gifts for two dear friends and I'm happy with the result:

Yuri and Chloe Big Daycare Ordeal (Yurikuro)

A New Dance Partner (Franky x Fiona)

AND to top it all, I did my first collaboration in the fandom with the amazing @unhappy-sometimes This collab was a gift for our friend @buf309 , who actually gave us the prompt for it. Unso was in charge of creating the art for this prompt and I was in charge of writing the fic. The result was fantastic!! You can see the fancomic here and read Sleeping Beauty: Twilight's Version here on ao3.

Well, that was a big wrapped but it was also a big writing/reading year. Thank you to all of those who read my stories, commented and left kudos. Thank you also to @twiyorbase for organizing so many wonderful events that kept us writing. And special thanks to my friends, who listened to me, encouraged me, and made me laugh. You make my life beautiful 💖Thank you!

[utilitycaster]

for the controversial opinions thing: Neve and Lucanis's romantic relationship is good actually.

obviously, agreed; I literally considered the potential of their relationship to be an outright selling point for the game, and I've alluded heavily to it in a few posts, but time to actually talk about it.

I don't think you can ENTIRELY discount all criticism on the basis of the fans from which it comes, because that's an oversimplification that fails to provide any sort of defense, just a counter-attack. WITH THAT SAID it does feel like the vast majority of criticism of the relationship comes from people who have a very "I can fix him...and ONLY I can fix him" attitude towards the Rook/Lucanis romance option and are looking for something fraught and dramatic and angsty and are mad that Lucanis is not looking for that in his relationship, either with Rook or with Neve. Like, I cannot stress that the fact that the most popular non-Crow Lucanis romance option is Rook Mercar is WILD to me when it should be the least popular by a country mile has been ENLIGHTENING to say the least. I definitely think the fact that Neve is a woman of color does not HELP but I think even people who like Neve and are not being racist or misogynistic towards her are still mad that Lucanis is depicted as, well, bisexual but not playersexual, and he still has clear preferences and Neve is among them. (I have NOT seen the same criticism among Neve romancers which is interesting to me and I think that again while racism/misogyny play a part, I don't think people are interested in that same I Can Fix Her/I Am Her OTP narrative).

Anyway getting to the actual relationship and why it's good: Neve and Lucanis are both people who are quite private about their lives but in different ways. Neve doesn't show vulnerability out of cynicism and the way she's had to force herself not to get too invested because she's lost people in her line of work, whereas Lucanis doesn't because he is proud. Neve's response to you choosing Treviso is "you don't care about Dock Town; most people don't and it bothers me but I can't show it does, because if I did I couldn't go on doing my work." Lucanis's response to you choosing Minrathous is "I begged for your help publicly and you turned me down, so I'm never asking for your help again." And they both, despite those separate motivations, instantly get how the other feels. Neve doesn't blame Lucanis because she's also fighting for her city! Lucanis doesn't have the same hangups about Neve because she was ALSO begging for help.

From what I know they also romance each other in a way not unlike how they romance Rook, and I think that's indicative of like, a well-formed character with clear preferences. Like, they are people who would, indeed, like each other. Everyone in the Veilguard has a great deal of pride in what they do, that's kind of the point, but Lucanis is an extremely patient and cautious person in romance, and Neve responds to that! If you're not going to do a full wisp stakeout with her she's not interested! And Neve is both extremely kind towards Lucanis and supports you telling him he shouldn't be used to Spite taking control, but doesn't turn this into a melodramatic "oh you poor thing" production, and a lot of what Lucanis wants is to be treated kindly but normally.

The canon banter they have about the relationship with other companions really boils down to, well, I know it gets used a lot, but the EEAAO Laundry and Taxes line. They are both people who have suffered greatly but what they're looking for is someone who will make them coffee at four in the morning and be patient when they're not forthcoming. Essentially they're BOTH really sensitive to being treated as A Project To Be Fixed and want someone who will not do that, and who will instead be patient and domestic and blissfully undramatic with them and give them space to open up rather than push them.

I started to go off about this in the tags and realized I should put it in the post but: I think a lot of people DO understand the companions/factions are all genre stories but DON'T get that the companions do NOT (with the possible exception of Taash) want their romance to be that genre. Lucanis is in a soap opera and Neve is in a detective story and BOTH of them want their love life to be a respite from that, not more of the same.

[rpmemes-galore]

callmekevin plays Project Zomboid ... sentence starters

"Oh, god, I'm very violent."

"Are sleeping tablets food?"

"You're being unreasonable!"

*voice trembling* "Feck off!"

"Why do I hear boss music?"

"Why are you strong, now?!"

"Okay, he's dead, easy-peasy."

"I may as well look good when I die."

"The problem is... I am bleeding out."

"My injuries somehow healed themselves."

"Finally, I feel like I'm superior to the dead!"

"It's a better weapon than nothing, I guess."

"I just ran through fire and now I'm on fire…"

"Yeah, I'm willing to admit that I might be lost."

"This isn't fair! What, just 'cause I'm stupid, I die?"

"God, what a mixed bag of good and horrible things."

"Zombie apocalypse aside, how did you get this far?"

"What are the odds of a good, peaceful night of sleep?"

"If I'm going out, may as well take everything else with me!"

"No zombie would just lie there and let you take their pants."

"It's good to know I can take this many saucepans to the face."

"No, no, no, I'm brave. I'm brave. The sun's coming up, it's fine."

"I'd recommend you stick around. Please. I'm getting desperate."

"It is a punishing experience, and I'm about to make it even worse."

"Surely nothing can be worse than what I've gone through already."

"I'll be back in the morning to see the aftermath of my fun and games."

"I don't want to be strong anymore. Being strong was my one mistake."

"You were supposed to be the chosen one; why would you do this to me?"

"He's got his butter knife at the ready, like a SWAT team clearing the area."

"I'm putting my pants in the oven and I'm turning it on, just for pure vandalism."

"I'm not saying you're doomed, but I'm saying that I feel like I'm wasting my time here."

"I think my mistake was overconfidence. You see, I thought I'd be, like, a capable person."

"I was trying to commit arson. Why did you have to interrupt me? I'm just having some fun!"

"Trying to run from your problems? Sorry, your problems are me, and I'm not going anywhere."

"If they were after brains, I'd be fine. 'Cause there's nothing up here, there's nothing going on, you know?"

"Exellente, muy bueno, perfecto! That is all my Spanish in one sentence. God help me if something isn't good or perfect."

[drdemonprince]

So I met a guy on a dating app. He’s also Autistic and we have a lot in common. Really hit it off and after some conversation he’s like To be honest I’m not looking for a relationship and I have someone else I really like but she’s not wanting a full on relationship either so we’re looking at ENM or maybe Poly but if that’s not your thing I understand. So I’m a bit disappointed but he’s sweet so I’m like ok let’s be friends.

Then it almost immediately gets sexual and we talk a lot about kink and fetish stuff that we seem pretty aligned with. Which is rare. We sexted a bit and it was great.

But today he told me he’s going on a date with someone. It’s actually a chick I also met off the the same app (I’m bi) but that didn’t bother me. What did bother me was that I got this instant reaction like upset that he was going on a date. It triggered something in me.

Not mad at all with him as he’s been super honest. But didn’t anticipate my own reactions.

So now I have to decide if I stop talking to him and let this go or if I try to move past it and enjoy the positive sides of our friendship.

We had tentative plans to meet in a few weeks time (we don’t live super close to each other). As a date but not a date.

Now I’m super confused about what to do. Especially as I really don’t meet many people that I vibe with and share similar “interests” with etc.

Just not entirely sure I’m built for the whole sharing thing…

Respectfully, it sounds like this dude fucking sucks ass at polyamory and doesn't know what the hell he's doing, and you're gonna get hurt.

First of all, he told you that he was poly because he is down bad for someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship with him? And so what, he's using his other dating partners as some kind of emotional or sexual stopgap?

That's objectifying and downgrading his potential future partners, including you, from the very start -- and it's setting you up to always be in the position of offering him temporary succor from the unrequited desires he has for this other person, only to be sidelined when she IS giving him a lot of attention. Sure, it's great he's being honest or whatever -- but the situation he's inviting you into is honestly disrespectful. You were disappointed to learn about this situation from the start. That feeling is an important signal! He's made it clear that he's not actually emotionally available and will NOT be consistent with you, and believes he has no reason to be.

It's also quite telling that after he established the nature of his relationship with this other person, he pivoted to getting very overtly sexual with you. This makes me wonder a lot about the woman he is pining away for, and what the terms of their relationship is according to her. (because if they're agreeing to get ENM or poly together, that's a relationship! Even if she says it's not a relationship).

Did she tell him that she cares about him but that she doesn't want to fuck him? Is she just less available than he'd like her to be, in terms of time and number of dates? What the hell is this arrangement between the two of them, how much of it was her proposal versus his idea, and where the hell do you fit in in all that?

If two people aren't fully sexually compatible and both parties want to explore sex and kink outside of their relationship to one another, that's fine; I'm living in that situation and it works great. But you have to approach prospective sexual partners with equal respect as you would your pre-existing partner (or whatever the hell she is to him, since they say they're not in a relationship?), and be clear about what you are and are not available for. It seems to me he asked you to be some kind of non-monogoamous, not-exactly-romantic-but-intimate "friends" with one another, and then tried to transition you into being a kinky sex partner once you expressed you could work with that.

I don't mean to remove your agency from this or act as if this is all something he is doing "to" you, because you expressed some interest in him and said the sexual connection is there. But... how much of this arrangement or how any of this is going has had anything to do with you or your stated preferences? Are you just going along with the flow because he seems nice and you want to see some possibilities there and for each new curveball he's throwing you, you're having to find some new way to justify it and make sense of it? What about what you want? What about your feelings? Why do you not get to determine what the relationship even is or where it is going, and he does? Because he's not getting what he wants elsewhere? That's not a good reason. That has nothing to do with you.

It makes sense to me, in light of what a mess his handling of this has been, that when you found out he was also pursuing other casual sexual partners that you felt jealous. Perhaps seeing him seeking out other non-committal, kind of formless sexual encounters with other people made you worry that you were being seen and treated by him in the same way, or that you were basically just a cog he was trying to slot into place for the time being. Or maybe you already felt on some level that you weren't given primacy in your relationship -- because this is a relationship of a kind! -- and now you have to worry about a whole other person who he has his own feelings for and agendas about altering how he relates to you.

You're not in the driver's seat in this relationship, hell you're not even really being consulted -- he's just making decisions about the various women in his life that he's trying to have meet needs for him and plugging them in and out of those roles as it suits him. The actual arrangement you all have entered into could be completely fine if all parties actively wanted it and had clarity and control over their own positions -- I'm a non-monogamous but *not* polyamorous person who dates people casually, and so i explicitly seek out others who are looking only for casual sex, that kind of stuff is fine -- but instead, this guy seems to be just making his choices up on the fly based on when he's horny, or lonely, or who is around and easy to get to.

I think you're giving a lot more latitude to him than he deserves, here. I'm not saying you need to dump him if you don't want to, if the sex seems like it could be fun you should go for it -- but on your terms. What do YOU want out of this connection? How do you see it? How much quality time, consistency, and commitment do you need? How comfortable are you with being non-monogamous and what kind of non-monogamy do you actively *want*? Do you see this guy as a friend? A casual partner (but a partner nonetheless)? A fuckbuddy?

There's a significant distance between you two, you two have been talking a lot, you call him a friend, and you call your plans to get together a "date." This is a relationship, whether he likes to admit it or not, and that comes with responsibilities to treat one another well and be honest, and to respect the other person's needs. And he doesn't seem to be showing any sense of responsibility toward the people he is in relationships with, and maybe doesn't even see them as relationships at all? He might seem nice, but the way he is navigating all of this is very selfish and instrumentalizes other people -- and so I think you should listen to that feeling you have of insecurity, because it's signalling that he's put you in a very insecure place.

Tagging in my homie @pastimperfection who always enjoys yelling about people doing poly badly

[empty-pools-vacant-alleyways]

really shitty how some people are making fun of bob's death. you don't have to pretend that you're okay with any of the problematic things he's said or done, but making jokes about this situation isn't the right thing to do at all. celebrating his death is really fucked up. he wasn't a good person, and it's okay to acknowledge that, but this isn't something he "deserved".

also, i've seen a lot of people say that this possibly had something to do with his mental health. if that is the case, what makes you think that anyone in my chem would be okay with people joking about that? what about any of the things they've said about mental health, through stage banter, song, or otherwise, makes you think they'd be okay with people making fun of this situation?

anyway, those are just my thoughts about this. hopefully this is all worded well. i'm very sorry if it isn't.

edit: just wanted to restate in case i didn't make this clear enough- i am in no way condoning any of bob's hateful behavior. i don't think anyone should condone it. it hasn't suddenly become okay now that he's gone. if anything i wrote before suggests that i feel otherwise, please call me out and i will fix whatever i need to.

[cherrysugcr]

Everything she said made sense and while it wasn't the best thing in the world to hear, none of it made him any less interested in Leia. "Okay well while I do really enjoy sex, it's not something that supersedes my interest in you. Like is it awesome to hear? Honestly no but you could have said something way worse like, Travis I'm serial killer or like I own a hundred pet spiders that sleep in my bed every night. So what I might have to help myself out more often? But I also get to hang out with a super cool person I enjoy spending time with. This just means you have to be super forward and communicative with me about it. Maybe I'll try something just cause it's in the moment, redirect me and reaffirm your boundaries. I wouldn't be doing it to pressure you but for me that stuff feels natural to do. I won't know it's uncomfortable for you if you don't tell me." He offered wanting to make his own approach to intimacy clear. The comment about concerts distracted him for a moment. "Cool cause I really like concerts and I really do enjoy sex, but I also enjoy being with you. Would it be weird if I say I've been told I'm very good at it? Like women have unprompted told me they appreciate how I make it more about them having a good time than me? If so please just like ignore that and it never ever happened. I don't even know what sex is in that case."

Leia shook her head and laughed a little at herself. She was getting worked up and for what? Travis was still here, still holding her. "I just want you to understand that I really like you and enjoy spending time with you. But we probably won't have sex any time soon. I honestly don't know when I'll want to, I've only ever gotten that far once and nothing actually ended up happening, it was a whole thing. Anyways, I'm not saying we can't explore sexual stuff, I really like kissing and touching but I probably won't initiate anything. And once I do, who knows what my libido will be like. It might come and go. But I wanted to explain myself because I know sex can be super important to people and if that's something you need, then I'd rather know now." She breathed out, looking up at him earnestly. Then she pushed back a little so he could sense how serious she was being, movie forgotten. "No, I would never judge you! I think you're being so great about this. I just want you to understand that if I stop, I'm not trying to be a tease or withhold. I mean we can definitely still do stuff, just because I don't like a musician doesn't mean I won't enjoy going to a concert with you, you know?"