#I want this man so bad ill kms

[minnieposting]

IM SSOOOO SSIIIIIICCKKKKKKKDKSKSKAMAKSX

[clits-and-clips]

x

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

was cleaning up yesterday and found my old notebooks just chocked FULL of cute little emo drawing from when i was like 13 😭😭😭 i was even more miniscule back then. it's all so fucking cute. zero cringe! cringe is dead! i was having so much fun and it made me happy when i was at my most suicidal so i think it was worth it even if most of it objectively sucks.

i am a transgender man since this post got liked by a transphobe ! i block and report transphobes !

[thecherrygod]

i am. making a mistake

[nomairuins]

and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do

[theonpilled]

x

[toastsnaffler]

need to accept that nothing I read + no amt of therapy is going to make me less mentally ill.. I need to either go to the doctors and ask for antidepressants or find some new way of self medicating to cope until I can get diagnosed bc I am at my limit peace and love on planet earth

[ha--eul]

.

[soft-spooks]

well. i was going to watch say goodbye again tonight to celebrate pumkin carving but instead i listened to boy division by mcr and sent myself into a spiral of nostalgia fueled dissasociation so thats where im at

[spideysbruh]

Big Sis

requested- could you do a timothee chalamet x zendayas sister with taylor russel as the face claim (instagram au) please :)

a/n- HOPE YOU LIKE IT I LOVE THE REQUESTT

~~

liked by zendaya, tchalamet and 3,276,627 others

y/n don't play w my sister!!! or do... see what happens 🤭 Challengers out soon !!!!!!

view all 121,177 comments

mikefaist miss seeing you on set !!!

y/n liked

y/n I MISS YOUUU MIKEYYY

zendaya second pic... I hate you

y/n 😘😘

ynzendayastan CANT WAITTTT

garfieldyn already seated

dunesarrakis timothée getting to know his besties family fr

liked by y/n, tchalamet, tomholland2013 and 3,177,277 others

zendaya happy birthday to my bestest friend!! proud to call you my sister and to know you like I do. forever grateful for you.

view all 123,177 comments

y/n crying.

cinderellayn HAPPY BIRTHDAY Y/NN

tchalamet wonder who took that second pic 🤔🤔

y/n I do be eating

prettyyn omfg.

arrakisyn rue... when was this ?!!

liked by tchalamet, florencepugh, and 3,282,277

y/n so grateful for another year, this one was pretty rad.

view all 99,177 comments

tchalamet heyyy that's me !!

zendaya PRETTY GIRLLL

ynscurtains BITCHHH OMGGG YOU AND TIMMY KNOW EACH OTHER !??!?!

zendayayn her sister is zendaya ofc they know each other 😭😭💀

tomholland2013 missed playing ping pong with you !! best birthday party ever

textyyn I bet timothée took that second picture LMAOO

prettyyn this soft launch is killing me

tchalamet just posted a story!

caption- we may be a bit hungover...

@celebgoss just tweeted- BREAKING ‼️‼️‼️ actress and model y/n, zendayas little sister, and timothée chalamet spotted out and about in NYC getting close and spending a lot of time together!! new couple or just friends?

@scrawnymfyn replied- BROOOOO OMG I'M UP

@twlightyn replied- THEY WOULD HAVE THE CUTEST CHILDREN

@paulsyn replied- such a hot couple

@yn replied- never met him

@realchalamet replied to @yn- same who are you

@amoebayn replied to @realchalamet and @yn- i can't with yall

liked by tchalamet, zendaya, dylanminnette and 4,287,288 others

y/n recently 🌷

view all 211,188 comments

tchalamet wow

liked by y/n

tchalamet gorgeous

liked by y/n

wallowsyn THATS TiMMYYYY

rachelzegler literally flawless!!!

liked by y/n

megarayn this is the best timeline

shawnmendes nice!

yndefensesquad LET IT GO ALREADY 🗣🗣🗣

wonkaswhore he wants her back sooo bad he's embarrassing

laurieslaurence fr it's been YEARSSS

zendaya just posted a story!

caption- if he don't just sit down !!

liked by y/n, zendaya, tomholland2013 and 6,177,188 others

tchalamet happy anniversary, my princess. my love for you knows no bounds. seeing you smile makes me the happiest man on earth.

view all 762,177 comments

y/n love you so much I can't breathe

tchalamet i love you more

zendaya yall disgust me

heryn LMFAOOOO PLEASE

paulsarrakis god is real bc he bought them together

invisiblestringyn they're so cute imma throw up

liked by tchalamet, oliviarodrigo and 4,987,888 others

y/n i wanna leap when you want me to fly

view all 102,158 comments

tchalamet my favorite person

ynsheadphones they're too cute imma kms

spideyxyn THEYRE SO PERFECT FOR EACH OTHERRRR 😭😭😭😭

zendaya yall cute i guess

tchalamet just posted a story!

caption- wowww 😍

liked by tchalamet, rachelzegler, sabrinacarpenter amd 5,716,166 others

y/n just might be the luckiest girl alive 🩷🩵💜

view all

tchalamet ive got the cutest date of all time

ynsbracelet bro when will it be my turn

ynspillow im so obsessed with how happy she is with him

zendaya ill always remember when I first introduced yall 🥺🥺 so cute

rapunzelyn I WANNA KNOW THIS STORY OMFGGGG

tchalamet how are you so perfect?

liked by y/n

liked by y/n, rachelzegler, zendaya and 4,287,299 others

tchalamet ma moitié

comments have been limited

drewbarrymore you guys are too adorable!!!

y/n wait my duolingo isn't there yet

tchalamet liked

*

[delphientropy]

BLOCK LIST

BIG LIST OF A BUNCH O PEEPS I BLOCKED

as well as why! i'll add on as i go!:)

we do NOT condone harassment, please just block.

includes: pro/endos, radqueer, transID, anti good faith, and more!! XP

first off, so were on the same page, what are these and why are they bad?

pro/endos: try to demedicalize a dissociative disorder, claim you can be a system without trauma, more info here 👉 [X] [X] (both are carrds that link multiple sources) (sorry they didnt save ill put it in later)

radqueer: these are people who transIDs (transage, transrace, etc. these people claim to identify as a different race or even pretend to "transition" into being disabled like transautistic) or ARE them.

anti good faith: good faith identities are basically identities made in good faith. this tends to encompass "contradictory" identities such as lesboys and other mspec identities. anti good faith people police gender and sexuality identities and invalidate these peoples experiences and try to exclude them from spaces or tell them what THEIR sexuality is. dont be misguided into thinking you're doing good if you exclude these people, its splitting up the lgbtq+ community, and thats what they (TERFs, anti-lgbtq+) want us to do.

now onto the blocklist!:)

radfems, TERFs, and transmeds

pach1-pach1 (deleted his dni but befor it was deleted it said that they support vivzie, are anti xenogenders and neoprns iirc, and anti good faith. a reply on my post abt telling ppl to block them also said theyre a transmed, so did another account. theyve also been seen harassing anti endos despite claiming to be it himself) (they own syspunk-is-anti-endo-losers as well)

radfem-vex

mint-fem

PRO/ENDO

boosystem

domni99

pluralpolls

youokaybro

plural-blocklist

eunoiasys

circulars-reasoning

citadelofmarks

inclusysboxes

thestarpletsystem

bunfart90

alterhuman-culture-is

interstellarsystem

bokuwaamdalla

brainmade-culture-is

fictive-culture-hub

navelgazed

pluralprompts

astrophale-and-fischl

syscourse101

aura-dragonfly

parsnipkit

phantomhunt

funnier-as-a-system

funnier-as-a-fictive

multiplicity-positivity

analog-transid (also transID, as implied in the name) (they run the blog alters-in-a-box which is one of those alter pack things)

freezingnarc

whore-hangout (its 18+ as implied keep yourself safe)

notteserver

cardsoffools (harassed me and told me to kms 🫶)

fools-temps (run by cardsoffools)

the-bride-and-the-ugly-ass-groom

RADQUEERS

stashys-radqueer-userboxes

1nklingsanitized

bisexualsafespace

radqueer-empire

maskaphiliax (also transID, also they have alfreds playhouse in their banner so please be safe)

ANTI GOOD FAITH

kowalapantheon (also a.. "plural aligned singlet?") (headmate blogs are nonexistent-loli, trans-obsessive-love-disorder, ex-harmful-transpeaceful)

forced-silence (18+, lots of violence, please beware on their page)

zomb-bunny (also think they harassed someone??? i cant remember or find the post)

starry-city-sys

endopropoganda

parxgender (also ace exclusive, anti pan/omni, and anti mogai)

yourfavehatesmspeclesbians (because god forbid someone have a complex relationship with gender and sexuality.)

mspobjects

the-party-city

pollingsystems (also doesnt believe in transandrophobia. wtf.)

OTHER

anti-lies (spreads misinformation that can be paranoia-inducing)

theinfernalcollective (claims that bullying isnt valid enough to be a system) (TRAUMA IS TRAUMA.)

disys (same as above)

permababy (transID, doesnt label themself as radqueer but does reblog it)

problema-non-grata (pro transID discourse blog)

thefakersystem (demonizes systems and those with personality disorders, anti good faith, fakeclaimer (literally, fakeclaims EVERYONE.) harasses people minding their own business, overall the worst asshole i think ive ever blocked. dear fucking lord.)

cringey-systems (dumbbb dumb baby fakeclaimer doesnt think systems are real dumb idiot baby man who reblogs systems and calls them fake because they have no life ♡)

ALTER PACKS

(people who make ID packs for people to "create" their own headmates, all are pro endo, radqueer, and transID)

build-a-headmate

alterpacks

headmatestickerbook

naris-alter-shop

brainpal-gachapon

[angelwhisp3rs]

⍣ ೋ star crossed

Pairing: RE4!Leon x Fem!Reader

Summary: Two lovers, destined to not be together all across history

Tags: fluff; angst, a little gory (not descriptive! but tragedies happen); there is a happy ending (i'd kms if it didnt); they just suffer a lot

Notes: imagined that as i listened to a disney songs playlist, and i couldnt hold myself back. This was a little different for me, so any feedback is welcomed (pls be kind ill cry)

Rome, 456.

As the moon reached the sky, shining upon the stars, Empress Serena gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, the future of the Roman Empire: little Leo. He grew to be strong and dashing, a dignified heir to such a impotent throne.

Unfortunately, the royal life proved to be unforgiving with so many obligations, and the certainty that no matter what he did, it would never be enough. 

As the empire went through a rough patch, so did his relationship with the townsfolk - whenever he believed he was doing something helpful, the critics were always the first ones to prove otherwise. 

In a particular evening, an old lady in one of the poorest villages stomped into the castle, and pointed directly at Leo as he sat in his throne, sending a powerful spell on his way: “Your actions ought to be punished for all of your existence, and as long as you live, your heart shall never be free! For all eternity, like the sun and moon, your heart won't be complete!”

With the heavy words, she was escorted away from the palace, as Leo's heart felt heavy. She must be just some crazed lady.

Oh, how wrong he was.

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

Through his traveling and diplomatic affairs, Leo met a bright woman in Egypt. Her eyes shined like the brightest constellation in the sky, her wits were unmatched, and her body could lure even the blind. To say he fell in love was an understatement.

“On another visit?” she asked him as they met, her eyebrow arched.

“Egypt is quite successful these days. I can’t miss on opportunities” Leo answered with a knowing smirk, the back of his fingers caressing her jaw.

She looked up at him, her eyes sincere in her feelings as his touch was very welcomed “Opportunities or people?”

“I think you know the answer.” he said quietly, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Their shared moments would be forever marked in his mind, appreciative that he could be the man he was with her, not Rome's Emperor. 

After deciding that she was the only one he ever wanted to marry, they met up in a nice flower camp, as he planned to ask for her forever on the same day. 

As they reached the designated place, Leo managed to get on one knee and pour his heart out to her. When he made the important question, as she was about to answer it, raiders invaded Egypt in a surprise attack, and before she could even say “yes”, the clan leader sliced through her heart, making her fall down and soon Leo followed, throat sliced open by another member. 

As life drained from their bodies, they looked at each other as they bled, their hands touching as they said their last goodbyes.

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

France, 1789

Leonidas fought against the imbalance that happened between the poorest and royals. The people were tired of poverty, brought by the dumb decisions of the French Monarchy.

As he disseminated his knowledge and beliefs, a royal carriage passed through, with the Princess inside it. She and Leonidas locked their eyes, and a shiver ran through their bodies. 

The monarchs always had empty eyes, but hers was so alive. She gave him a gentle passing smile - even if he was criticizing her existence, making his heart beat fast.

Whenever royal gatherings happened, Leonidas and his followers were the first ones there protesting. The only one who ever dared to meet them and talk was her. It was bad - his heart throbbed whenever she spoke, her voice acting like a sweet melody to him.

“Another one of your hate campaigns, Leonidas?” she asked, smirking, fanning her painted face with a luxurious fan.

“Just fighting for my people and myself” he answered in a dignified voice, his eyes not breaking eye contact with her.

“Just fighting? If you keep following me I might as well think your objectives involve me, but not as in a revolutionary sense” she winked, hiding her face behind the pink fan.

“Don’t even waste your time thinking about false pretenses” he smirked back, pulling her fan down as he watched her pretty features, all worthy of a Princess.

It was satirical - the biggest fighter against her family was the one who managed to catch her heart. She was usually the quickest one to brush off suitors, but the rebellion leader caught her heart, and she didn't want him to let go.

When Leonidas was finally ready to act on his feelings, the fall of the Bastille happened, and soon did the fall of the monarchy. As a punishment, all were to be beheaded in a public gathering, their heads thrown around to celebrate France’s new beginning.

As she was guided to the guillotine, her eyes locked in his as the blade sliced her, a lonely tear running on her cheeks. 

Leonidas, at that moment, felt hollow and empty, wondering what he did to deserve such feeling.

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

Italy, 1944

The war was at its peak, causing pain and destruction anywhere it passed by. Lionel fought bravely battle after battle, trying his hardest to stay safe at least till this he'll was over. 

The highlight among all that destruction was the newest nurse, hair always in carefully made curls, and lips adorned in the most lovely shades as she tended every soldier with care.

Whenever he laid on the infirmary in her care, she always spent the longest on him, sharing heartfelt comments and small jokes, hoping to bring a smile to his serious face. Also, she chose not to mention that his heartbeat was always fast with her - they were in a war after all, they had more serious matters to pay attention to.

“Although it makes me happy to see you, it pains my heart that it needs to involve your pain” she said softly, holding his hand with one of her hands as the other one cleaned his wound.

“I’m tough, if I could I would bruise myself completely to be under your care for days” Lionel answered with a whimper as she hit a soft spot.

“Don’t you ever think about that! I need you in one piece, so we ought to live our lives together, in happiness, after all this tragedy ends” she said in a hopeful tone, pressing a kiss to his skin.

“Do you promise me a nice house and delicious dinners?” he asked playfully, an endearing smile not leaving his face

“Better. I promise you a home” she answered quietly, moving away to tend another soldier's wounds.

After a German attack in a secluded village, the soldiers could only try to pray for any survivors - the attack was brutal. The houses were on the ground, some toys and furniture disorganized all over the place, a gray feeling hanging around their heads.

When the troop was ready to leave, Lionel heard a quiet sound under some rubble, calling his colleagues to check it out. Working their way to the sound, an old lady was buried underneath it, breathing with difficulty.

Lionel didn't think twice and fought to work her out of there, but when she was at his hold, it was already too late. On her last breath, she pressed a palm to his face and whispered “son… It's already late for this life, but I banish the dark hold in your destiny. After so much suffering, your hearts deserve happiness” and with that, she was gone.

Lionel cried, so tired with all the tragedy and death around him, he didn't really understand what she meant, but laid her body in respect and moved forward.

Sadly, no one could predict a blitzkrieg, and one that hit exactly where they moved, and also so near their base - their safety. Lionel was unfortunately one of the victims, the bomb hitting near his body.

The last thing he could comprehend was his body being moved as the pretty nurse moved desperately to save him, crying as she held his body and he finally let go, thinking of their home.

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

USA, 2023

Leon was sore after returning from another mission - one that could be considered a suicide one, but he wasn't that lucky to finally be able to rest peacefully.

He threw his body on his couch, but soon stood up and grunted as he reminded himself that he promised to go to an art exhibition with Claire and Chris, a piece of normalcy in a word reeking with monsters and nightmares.

How Claire managed to get Chris to come to a thing like that? Only God knows, but it would be a welcomed company amongst the bullshit that the art world revolves around.

As they reached the gallery, packed with artists, critics and obnoxious people who saw art in a dot of paint, Claire looked in glee at all the art pieces as Leon and her brother played a game of “blind or high?”, where they tried to guess if the artist was blind while making the piece or just purely high on whatever drug Umbrella passed along the streets to control people.

As they looked at the pieces, Claire stopped specifically at a painting of a couple sitting on a field, a picnic towel underneath them as the sky was purple, with the sun setting down and the moon reaching up. There were some children playing in the background, but much couldn’t be said, as they were mere shadows.

Leon looked at the painting puzzled, something in the art making his heart ache and long for, but he had no idea why. While Chris just whispered a “oh, definitely high” at him, he couldn't answer. The sight felt so familiar, but so painful, that he wanted to cry. Maybe fighting monsters and almost dying everyday was finally getting him.

A lady stopped in front of that painting, and looked at Leon with a witty smile and sparkly eyes “what do you see?”

As he looked at her, it was like the world stopped. She was just an unknown woman, but something felt so familiar in her. His heart was screaming for him to hug and kiss her, and Leon didn't know if he finally went insane or he was just deprived of affection (maybe both, but he didn't want to put a lot of thought into it).

Her hair matched her face perfectly, her makeup was minimal, contrasting with the red lipstick on her inviting lips. Her clothing molded perfectly into her pretty body, and he had to hold himself back from looking at her for too long.

With a deep sigh, he truthfully told her “I'm not good with art… but I think they look like a couple in love. A family, even. Maybe enjoying a picnic on a Sunday” he answered the stranger, holding back a blush.

Claire slapped him, embarrassed “you just described the painting you idiot, she meant more profoundly!”

The lady giggled, making Leon forget how to breathe for a second. She shakes her head and adds “no, I liked his observation. It looks like a dream Sunday, in my opinion” She winked at Leon

Still fighting a blush, he teased back “Okay then, Picasso, what do you see?”

The woman took a long breath and looked at the painting again “I see pain, but also hope. It feels like broken hearts being brought together. Kinda poetic.”

Leon could only look at her and smile, as she did the same. Pain and love. Leon could understand those feelings mixed together.

As they kept talking and walking through the gallery together, they failed to see the owner of the painting, an old woman who watched them with a smirk. 

She turned to her assistant and said “Isn't destiny a funny thing? I guess I have to watch closely for inspiration for my next pieces, I've never gotten the full story before.”

The assistant looked at the artist in confusion, but didn't press the matter. The only thing she could think was: “Guess all the best artists are crazy people.”

[tomboyyyaoi]

FUCKING

VAMERY NATION HOW ARE WE FUCKING DOING

STRYFEWOOD NATION I HOPE UR ALL ALIVE AND WELL TOO

wolfwood's "he's way out of your league" comment THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGGG

speaking of: NO THE GIRLS ARE ACTUALLY FIGHTING THAT SCENE RULED

VASHS HAIR THE BLACK JACKET OUUUUUFUCKFUCKFUCK

nai willfully burning himself alive to try and get vashs fucking. Evil Rubiks Cube or whatever was so RAW we getting the rebirthing scene in s2??????

"when everything calms down ill settle by their side again" "im vash the stampede" BYE IM MICROWAVING MYSELF

ANGEL ARM ANGEL ARM WE GOT 2/3 GUNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

vash humming his little song... "it comes to me." and he does it for comfort.... ouh my god.

ZAZIE ACTUALLY FREAKING OUT A BIT LOL I LOVE THEM

well shit man ig that guy from ep1 (chuck lee?) is fucking dead rip bozo

vash and knives' relationship will be the fucking death of me im going to die

i fucking need s2 immediately i want it so bad its literally so fuckin happening we won we fucking won

oh my GOD the timeskip. meryl serving mini butch realness. MILLY. ERIKS. THE INSURANCE SOCIETY. LINA.

meryl regularly visiting july.... the picture she left there..... holy fucking shit im gnna kms...

HER PRACTICING CALLING MILLY NEWBIE.... OH MY GOD OH MY GODDDDDD IM WAILING

vash wincing when lina calls him eriks.... idk im thinkin he remembers more than hes letting on maybe oughh idk idk idkidkidk

also him playing the key on the piano.... like hes so close to remembering. he knows its familiar but he doesnt remember. s2 gnna kill me

oh my god also the "thank you meryl. i heard your voice too." at the beginning of the ep. vamery nation how are we fucking feeling im going to start gnawing shit

CHRONICA POST CREDITS...

GUYS I CANR STRESS ENOUGH.... CHRONICA POST CREDITS WE HEAR HER FUCKING VOICE THE GUY CALLS HER CHRONICA WERE GETTING CHRONICA..... IM GOING TO BLOW UP

oh my god oh my fucking god i literally need s2 in my hands rn theyve confirmed it theyve fucking confirmed s2 we are getting it its happening im gnna fucking die

WE MAY NOT HAVE A TIMEFRAME. IT MAY BE MONTHS IT MAY BE A COUPLE YEARS. BUT S2 IS HAPPENING. GODSPEED EVERYPONY. UNTIL THEN. I FUCKING LOVE YOU ALL.

[thecherrygod]

hm

[beybaldes]

djats masterlist

graham dunne social media au !!

@camillaslife11

liked by thebetterdunne, daisyj and 738,421 others

camillaslife11 I'd say they make me sick but they're the cutest ever

tagged : yn and thebetterdunne

billydunne what is this I feel ill

| thebetterdunne nobody cares

keepingupwiththesix UMMM IM SORRY ARE THEY TOGETHER????

| ynupdatesofficial obviously, this is a hint right?????

| bassistsdoitbetter69 I thought @yn was dating that guy from the winters????

| howdidwegethere ur joking right we can all see the matching outfits

allaboutyn y'all are cute

| yn we are fr you don't even know

| allaboutyn IS THIS CONFORMATION?????

karenkaren MY SHIP HAS SAILED

| yn I hate you

ynfan17 I feel like I skipped 100 chapters

thebetterdunne cute pic (I'm ridiculously in love with her I can't breath when she's not in my presence)

| yn you're not too bad (ew)

view comments

@yn

liked by warrenrojasofficial, camillslife11 and 658,937 others

yn you guys thought we were dating?????? gross (I have never been more in love, if I don't marry this man I'm going to kms)

tagged : thebetterdunne

thebetterdunne this is the grossest post ever take it down immediately (I bought a ring the day I met you)

| yn I love u 🥲🥲

billydunne this is the grossest post ever take it down immediately (I’m so fucking serious rn)

| yn we all hate you

ynfan73 IM SICK I LOVE YOU GUYS

honeycombwarren bad day for people in love with yn everywhere

| daisyj I literally want to die she was meant to be mine 🥲

| warrenrojasofficial she was meant to be mine 🥲

| eddietheroundtree she was meant to be mine 🥲

| karenkaren she was meant to be mine 🥲

| camillaslife11 she was meant to be mine 🥲

| thebetterdunne okay guys wtf

view comments

[midwestemoismid]

km gonan cry i was going through my noted app bc i was bored and its 2:55 AM and i found muiltiple paragraohs abt my manipulative ex and i feel like im going to cry because of everything.

i js need to rant abt them idrc if anyone sees this or not

I am going to blur out their name for privacy (even tho its a common name lol.) i will call them O

the first note is a message after a lot of drama the bs happened

im glad i never sent this message because it was rlly mean and ill be honest, i still stand by everything i typed but i wouldve felt so fucking bad if i sent all this.

This other note i found was me getting ready to send something into the groupchat (w/ him in it)

(tw: mentions of su!c!dal thoughts, man!pulation, ect)

some of it o rlly regret sending but rereading this note is causing me so much fuckinf anger and pain right now for this bitch. im sorta shaking rn and remembering a lot thay happened with him and how horrible he made me feel.

some of it i regret sending, like that message i highlighted in the red on the last page, "L" was someone me & O shared mutual truama woth and i feel so fucking bad for telling them that snd i really wish to undo it. While i still believe, to me, theyre worse than L, i wish i never said it to their face because i dont want to cause them the pain they caused me. (tbh i wouldnt be mad if they expirenenced all the bs they caused me but i dont want to be the one to cause or help with any mental pain of theirs, but unfortunately i have.) I also regret talking about everything they caused me the gc that they were in, because they 100% read it and probably felt like shit abt themself, wich they should, but i still feel bad for causing them that.

This last one made me cry while i was rereading it. because at the time i was not doing well mentally i made a su!c!d3 note to everyone in the gc, but his made me feel so shitty. Thankfully, i got help before i tried anything and i am doing a lot better now and i am safe.<3 i rlly love my therapist she helped me through sm of this situation. || little bit of context, G was the one he cheated on me with

I hate how i said "its not your fault at all" when almost the entire reason i wanted to d!3 was because of him.

Rereading this letter made me fucking sick. every form of physical affection i shared with him flashed through my mind and im so fucking grosses out by it. The though of once kissing him or holding his hand or anything makes me sick to my fucking stomach.

There was so much more i want to talk about but its 3:31 AM now and i am on the verge of tears and breaking down. Im also FINALLY tired after all this (barly even tired enough to sleep😭) im also starving cuz all i ate today was pasta and a tinyy bit of cheetos, i better have a whole ahh feast tmrow😼

Edit: It is 3:52AM and i went through my photos n deleted EVERY photo with O in it. i cried a bit, all of those memories hurt to think abt