#I want at least some validation from someone in my life that things are worth doing

[ladsaplenty]

At Last: A Missive on Caleb and MC's Slow Burn (AKA how No Return Night broke me 💀)

Here's the thing. I'm still not over No Return Night. And I may never be over it. It's insane to me how they crafted this intense, decades-long epic between these two characters, condensed it into what, maybe 8-12 hours of gameplay? Stretched out over 6 months perhaps, but still. And then they totally stuck the landing. For me, No Return Night came together beautifully and devastatingly, and my feelings require that I talk about how they did it because WHAT THE HELL INFOLD YOU CAN'T JUST BE OUT HERE RUINING PEOPLE LIKE THIS. (But also I appreciate it so much, thank you.)

[As per all my LaDS commentary posts, a disclaimer that this is JUST MY OPINION. Other interpretations of Caleb and MC's relationship are equally valid, but this is the internet and I get to yell things just like everyone else. Spoilers for No Return Night, but honestly, how could you not have seen it already?? TREAT YOURSELF.]

Part 1) They picked an amazing set up by grounding Caleb and MC's love story in real-life experiences.

Of all the LIs, Caleb's romantic trope is arguably the most down-to-earth and that works very strongly in its favor. Whether you choose to interpret Caleb as a childhood best friend or as a kind of foster-sibling (my Americanized, not-nearly-as-good version of "gege"), the overall feeling of deep familiarity and care that comes with those roles is something a lot of people experience or want to experience. Maybe some folks have lovers from their past lives return to them again and again, we can't be sure, but it's a truth universally acknowledged that most people have had (or at least wanted to have) childhood best friends, forbidden or unrequited loves, or just someone who cared for them deeply growing up, who made them feel safe. Therefore that connection with Caleb when he's introduced is immediate in many players, myself included. He's always been there for you and taken care of you and there's nothing else to explain about it, like how you met him on a beach as a child or made a soul bond in a past life. Not that I don't love those backstories (I adore them), but their foundation is mostly fictional. With Caleb, for lots of players, the foundation is not just our imagination but our actual life experience, and that carries a lot of weight. Weight that InFold writers then use to emotionally beat us to death.

Part 2) The intersecting storytelling that built up to No Return Night was both heavy-handed AND nuanced, and somehow it worked.

When Caleb's birthday event debuted, I'd been playing LADS for a little over two months, and had been watching Caleb and MC's romance even less than that, considering he gets unlocked later in the story. And yet when I first saw the trailer, it felt like I had been waiting literal years for that kiss, for THE Kiss, to happen.

(Pictured: The last thing I saw moments before blacking out from FEELING TOO MANY FEELINGS.)

It wasn't until after I stopped screaming and my brain rebooted that I fully appreciated the work the writers put in to make a few months worth of tension feel like the lifetime it was in game.

Many of Caleb's Tender Moments are set in or about the past, moreso than any of the other LIs, but at first I just chalked that up to it being Caleb's narrative "theme." I even started to get annoyed with the constant references to his and MC's past in like ALL of their dialogue (Me: "I swear if he says 'back then' or 'when we were kids' ONE MORE TIME 😤"), though I eventually got over it. But after his birthday card, I understood the vision.

From every angle, at all times, the writers persistently made you feel that history between Caleb and MC. Those memories from the past were there to complement and emphasize what was set in the present, which smarter people than I probably realized right away. While I was all "YES, I GET IT, THEY GREW UP TOGETHER," part of my brain was bolstering the connections between those past memories and Caleb's present day behavior: his facial expressions (the way his eyes fly open when MC kisses his eyebrow in Farspace Deprivation), body language (the way he folds in on himself after wanting to kiss her SO BAD in Hidden Waves 🫠😭), and tone of voice (literally any time Caleb opens his mouth, like every word he says to MC is dripping with that longing). Combined with even more references and scenes from their past in other memories, phone calls, posts, and texts (how they used to skip class together, how they played pranks on each other, how Caleb, uh, took pictures of her... while she was sleeping... 👀), all of it was consciously and unconsciously building that tension. Even when I thought I knew how invested I was, it wasn't until I saw the culmination of all that yearning that I understood how much the writers had gotten me in my feelings about these two, more than I ever realized until I watched No Return Night's trailer and had a full-on, certified, bonafide breakdown.

(Pictured: My first attempt at watching the No Return Night trailer. I had to stop halfway through to force myself to breathe properly.)

Part 3) The writers absolutely understood the assignment when it came to showing the release of that earth-shattering tension.

Let the record show that my breakdown was fully consensual. I wanted that kiss to destroy my psyche and leave me catatonic with joy, as did many others. I'm active on the official subreddit where there were some less-mentally-unwell players who thought it was fine if Floating Floraletter was the first kiss between Caleb and MC. And then there was me, who was ready to throw metaphorical hands if that turned out to be the case.

To be fair, I can respect the opinion that the kiss didn't have to be monumental, even if I disagree. Caleb is a more disciplined man than most, a soldier and a colonel, and realistically (I could be wrong, hard to tell, I only date virtual men) I don't think this level of intensity happens very often among adults...

However, THIS IS A MOBILE GAME AND REALISM IS FOR SUCKERS.

Caleb is constantly grabbing MC, pulling her to him, borderline stalking her, begging her not to leave and to stay with him for literally one hundred years, wanting to be her goddamn toothbrush, and at the time of the No Return Night, he had been running on those fumes for over a DECADE. Brief, tree-obscured smooches were not going to cut it. I needed to FEEL that shit. Yes, theoretically, that first kiss could be some sweet, relatively chaste moment in a boat somewhere, but the more likely scenario imho is kissing so hard that you fall off the sofa and then you """make out""" (🙄) on the floor for FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT.

(Pictured: A man who definitely wasn't getting his fuck on mere moments ago.)

For me, emotionally, No Return Night was near perfect. You could see from the trailer that the devs knew what they were doing: referencing all the waist grabs and longing looks from previous memories. That part where Caleb grabs MC's wrist, pauses, and then he pulls her and you just KNOW that right then that he's finally decided. There's no more guilt, no more hesitation, that man pulls her into his lap. There's no more longing in those eyes, only determination. Things WILL be different, starting tonight.

While I do have small critiques about the translation and MC's execution, I have none whatsoever about the buildup and framing of that moment. Unrequited love can be extraordinarily painful. If you're playing self-insert or even if you're just someone who feels things in that deep way, you recognize what that would be like to finally connect with that person for whom you have been starving for SO long. It might be slow, it might be tender, but it would HURT. In a good way though. And I love that the writers leaned into that fantasy and took it seriously.

(Pictured: "And here we are in Heaven, for you are mine. At last.")

TL;DR: No Return Night was a great ending to a masterful piece of interconnected storytelling that created years worth of depth in a short amount of time. The writers showed so much commitment to and respect for depicting a complex relationship, and their willingness to let those emotions culminate with the intensity they deserved was incredible. I'm going to continue to unpack SO MANY FEELINGS rewatching this card while regularly running back to Zayne for emotional stability (I still love you the most, my secure attachment king.)

I'm not interested in getting married (FINALLY a banner to skip), but after Floating Floraletter teasing us and No Return Night finally making it official, I cannot wait to see more cards of Caleb and MC together in an actual romantic relationship. I look forward to seeing how they're going to interact now that the longing is finally at an end... well, that version of the longing. I'm sure Caleb will find other ways to pine for MC, that man is BUILT TO YEARN.

Also he's just built, jfc.

Credit: Flat-Seaweed757

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

average United States contains 1000s of pet tigers in backyards" factoid actualy [sic] just statistical error. average person has 0 tigers on property. Activist Georg, who lives the U.S. Capitol & makes up over 10,000 each day, has purposefully been spreading disinformation adn [sic] should not have been counted

I have a big mad today, folks. It's a really frustrating one, because years worth of work has been validated... but the reason for that fucking sucks.

For almost a decade, I've been trying to fact-check the claim that there "are 10,000 to 20,000 pet tigers/big cats in backyards in the United States." I talked to zoo, sanctuary, and private cat people; I looked at legislation, regulation, attack/death/escape incident rates; I read everything I could get my hands on. None of it made sense. None of it lined up. I couldn't find data supporting anything like the population of pet cats being alleged to exist. Some of you might remember the series I published on those findings from 2018 or so under the hashtag #CrouchingTigerHiddenData. I've continued to work on it in the six years since, including publishing a peer reviewed study that counted all the non-pet big cats in the US (because even though they're regulated, apparently nobody bothered to keep track of those either).

I spent years of my life obsessing over that statistic because it was being used to push for new federal legislation that, while well intentioned, contained language that would, and has, created real problems for ethical facilities that have big cats. I wrote a comprehensive - 35 page! - analysis of the issues with the then-current version of the Big Cat Public Safety Act in 2020. When the bill was first introduced to Congress in 2013, a lot of groups promoted it by fear mongering: there's so many pet tigers! they could be hidden around every corner! they could escape and attack you! they could come out of nowhere and eat your children!! Tiger King exposed the masses to the idea of "thousands of abused backyard big cats": as a result the messaging around the bill shifted to being welfare-focused, and the law passed in 2022.

The Big Cat Public Safety Act created a registry, and anyone who owned a private cat and wanted to keep it had to join. If they did, they could keep the animal until it passed, as long as they followed certain strictures (no getting more, no public contact, etc). Don’t register and get caught? Cat is seized and major punishment for you. Registering is therefore highly incentivized. That registry closed in June of 2023, and you can now get that registration data via a Freedom of Information Act request.

Guess how many pet big cats were registered in the whole country?

97.

Not tens of thousands. Not thousands. Not even triple digits. 97.

And that isn't even the right number! Ten USDA licensed facilities registered erroneously. That accounts for 55 of 97 animals. Which leaves us with 42 pet big cats, of all species, in the entire country.

Now, I know that not everyone may have registered. There's probably someone living deep in the woods somewhere with their illegal pet cougar, and there's been at least one random person in Texas arrested for trying to sell a cub since the law passed. But - and here's the big thing - even if there are ten times as many hidden cats than people who registered them - that's nowhere near ten thousand animals. Obviously, I had some questions.

Guess what? Turns out, this is because it was never real. That huge number never had data behind it, wasn't likely to be accurate, and the advocacy groups using that statistic to fearmonger and drive their agenda knew it... and didn't see a problem with that.

Allow me to introduce you to an article published last week.

This article is good. (Full disclose, I'm quoted in it). It's comprehensive and fairly written, and they did their due diligence reporting and fact-checking the piece. They talked to a lot of people on all sides of the story.

But thing that really gets me?

Multiple representatives from major advocacy organizations who worked on the Big Cat Publix Safety Act told the reporter that they knew the statistics they were quoting weren't real. And that they don't care. The end justifies the means, the good guys won over the bad guys, that's just how lobbying works after all. They're so blase about it, it makes my stomach hurt. Let me pull some excerpts from the quotes.

"Whatever the true number, nearly everyone in the debate acknowledges a disparity between the actual census and the figures cited by lawmakers. “The 20,000 number is not real,” said Bill Nimmo, founder of Tigers in America. (...) For his part, Nimmo at Tigers in America sees the exaggerated figure as part of the political process. Prior to the passage of the bill, he said, businesses that exhibited and bred big cats juiced the numbers, too. (...) “I’m not justifying the hyperbolic 20,000,” Nimmo said. “In the world of comparing hyperbole, the good guys won this one.”

"Michelle Sinnott, director and counsel for captive animal law enforcement at the PETA Foundation, emphasized that the law accomplished what it was set out to do. (...) Specific numbers are not what really matter, she said: “Whether there’s one big cat in a private home or whether there’s 10,000 big cats in a private home, the underlying problem of industry is still there.”"

I have no problem with a law ending the private ownership of big cats, and with ending cub petting practices. What I do have a problem with is that these organizations purposefully spread disinformation for years in order to push for it. By their own admission, they repeatedly and intentionally promoted false statistics within Congress. For a decade.

No wonder it never made sense. No wonder no matter where I looked, I couldn't figure out how any of these groups got those numbers, why there was never any data to back any of the claims up, why everything I learned seemed to actively contradict it. It was never real. These people decided the truth didn't matter. They knew they had no proof, couldn't verify their shocking numbers... and they decided that was fine, if it achieved the end they wanted.

So members of the public - probably like you, reading this - and legislators who care about big cats and want to see legislation exist to protect them? They got played, got fed false information through a TV show designed to tug at heartstrings, and it got a law through Congress that's causing real problems for ethical captive big cat management. The 20,000 pet cat number was too sexy - too much of a crisis - for anyone to want to look past it and check that the language of the law wouldn't mess things up up for good zoos and sanctuaries. Whoops! At least the "bad guys" lost, right? (The problems are covered somewhat in the article linked, and I'll go into more details in a future post. You can also read my analysis from 2020, linked up top.)

Now, I know. Something something something facts don't matter this much in our post-truth era, stop caring so much, that's just how politics work, etc. I’m sorry, but no. Absolutely not.

Laws that will impact the welfare of living animals must be crafted carefully, thoughtfully, and precisely in order to ensure they achieve their goals without accidental negative impacts. We have a duty of care to ensure that. And in this case, the law also impacts reservoir populations for critically endangered species! We can't get those back if we mess them up. So maybe, just maybe, if legislators hadn't been so focused on all those alleged pet cats, the bill could have been written narrowly and precisely.

But the minutiae of regulatory impacts aren't sexy, and tiger abuse and TV shows about terrible people are. We all got misled, and now we're here, and the animals in good facilities are already paying for it.

I don't have a conclusion. I'm just mad. The public deserves to know the truth about animal legislation they're voting for, and I hope we all call on our legislators in the future to be far more critical of the data they get fed.

[vic-ivy]

Hullo! I've been wanting to ask what are your thoughts on the idea that Odysseus loves Penelope like a worshiper loves a god, but with Diomedes he loves him like a man.

I'm having mixed thoughts about this one since for me Odysseus puts Penelope on a pedestal. Diomedes on the other hand, he's seen him down and dirty during the war, so I wannna know your take on this:D

Hi! Gods, this is such an interesting topic. I would first say that I believe that everything can have multiple interpretations that are super valid, but you’re here for my personal opinion so here I go I guess haha. This is how I see Odypen and Odydio (mostly based on canon reasons):

I believe that Odysseus loves them in different ways, but I don’t know if I agree with the idea of him exactly “worshipping” Penelope. I think he believes her to be the perfect model of a woman, but not without flaws. He would not have married someone less smart and less resourceful. People might think that Odysseus sees Diomedes more as an equal than Penelope, but no, to Odysseus he and Penelope are cut from the same cloth. She is obviously calmer and not so prone to anger because she was raised as a woman, but their way of thinking and seeing the world is exactly the same. They are cunning and family oriented and ready to take what they believe they deserve by all means possible. For that I think Odysseus loves her as his own soul. He loves her as someone loves their own best qualities when they see them reflected in others. Maybe there is some worshipping, but not godlike. He adores her like a soul recognizing its own worth. She is all the best things in him but she can be his worst qualities too (rash, angry, in denial of reality, prideful, stubborn to the point of danger). Still, she is all the things he values.

Diomedes, on the other hand, might have some similar qualities, but he neither acts like Odysseus nor has the same life goals and worldview (at least when they met in Aulis) (war does change them). Does Odysseus love him more “humanly”, more “worldly”? Maybe. It is true that Odysseus has seen him at his worst, but I do believe he has also seen Penelope at her worst. I don’t think he sees Diomedes with less of a clouded judgment. However, their experiences together are what shapes their love. A love born in times of war, where both of them are showing their worst qualities, their nastier side. Odysseus loves that Diomedes has a control over himself and a way of letting go of that control that he can’t even dream of archiving. He loves the differences, the blood-soaked hands from wielding a spear, so blood-soaked as his are from scheming. He loves that they agree on the ends but not on the means most of the time. He hates and loves and hates that Diomedes seems to know exactly the right thing to do at all times but does not really have any personal desires. Odysseus’ love towards Diomedes is more like a constant storm, I believe. He loves the sharpness of their differences because he never had that, never thought he needed it. Still, with all their differences, once they are together in the silence of a tent, Diomedes is more like the eye of the storm. The calm of knowing (and perhaps taming) that what is unknown to everyone else.

Maybe what I mean with all that is that Odysseus loves that Penelope stabilizes him while Diomedes turns his world upside down. He certainly needs both.

In conclusion, Odysseus loves Penelope like a worshiper loves a god, but with Diomedes he loves him like a man? Not really. He loves them both like a man in need of love. He loves them as much as he can love his own best and worst. He loves and needs them like humans love and need comfort and change at the same time.

(So much incoherent rambling. Thank you if you read it all)

[star-anise]

Everyone's got a take, and I've got a take too, about the current Internet Villain: James Somerton, a gay Youtuber who just got exposed (in the back half of a 4-hour video) as massively plagiarizing the work of LGBTQ+ media critics, historians, and memoirists, and then exposed in another 2-hour video as just making up the wildest nonsense about the topics he demonstrably had access to accurate information on.

He achieved a six-figure income on his work by squeezing money out of his audience with claims...

That only he was creating content that preserved queer history and elevated the voices and experiences of the LGBTQ+ community (a lie)

He was in serious financial distress and would have to go out of business if people didn't give him tons of money (a lie)

That he was going to use some of that cash to make definitely good and not-at-all-plagiarized independent movies, a thing he was definitely skilled and experienced enough to do (a lie), and

That those plagiarism allegations were incorrect,, and frankly,,,, hurtful and homophobic. (a GIANT lie)

Like, here's a visualization of the script of one of his videos, "Society and Queer Horror". The highlighted bits were lifted nearly verbatim from the works of others—the 18 authors identified at the time the exposé was posted—and presented as Somerton's own work.

So here's what drives me absolutely up the wall about this:

If he had just ADMITTED that it was the work of other people, THAT WOULD STILL BE COOL. If he had just said, up front, "We are going on a survey of thoughts and insights people have had about this topic", that would still be a good video with a real audience!

Like yes, he studied business in university, he might not have gotten the kinds of research skills and knowledge someone like Kaz Rowe uses to not just report on the history and analysis of others, but evaluate their relative validity and trustworthiness.

But honestly, since watching my niblings (oldest is 13) watch Youtube, I think you honestly can't underestimate the number of viewers who are really hungry for someone saying, "I don't understand this topic! Let's explore it together!"

But NOOOOOOO, Somerton didn't want to be just some schmuck waxing enthusiastic about homoeroticism on film and acknowledging the smartness of other people. He wanted to be HIM, MR. SMARTYBOY, very sophisticated and alluring and thoughtful and deep. Definitely an intellectual heavyweight who just happened to spout off his own personal ideas and analysis that put him at the forefront of all the scholarship on the topic he's come across.

I hate being wrong. Hate being wrong. But blogging for most of my life has forced me to confront constant textual evidence that two or ten or twenty years ago, I said some dumb-ass shit. Honestly, it'd probably keep me up at night sometimes even if I didn't have a written record. I absolutely understand the desire to scan the field, find the coolest people around, and quickly clothe yourself in as perfect an imitation of them as you can manage.

But if you want to be an artist or a scholar who produces something lasting, you can't prioritize coolness over truth all the time. To develop your true, independent voice, you need to find a time and place where it is just you and just the work you're doing, and you have pick up your tools and say, I don't know if I'm doing this right, but this is what feels right to me.

There are a lot of things in life to which we can only truly contribute our presence and our perspectives. Things we can only witness or hold space for. We cannot go back and bleed the pain out of history, or erase the complexity of another person's life. Not honestly, at least.

But those are the times that need our presence, our perspectives, our witness, and our space. When we gather round and tell sad tales about the death of kings, honesty can be the only thing you give that's worth a damn in the large scale of things.

If this dude had owned up to the truth and honestly showed the work of trying to piece together a queer understanding of the world, trying to draw the threads of culture together until he found a place he fit inside them, it would have been so much more valuable to our culture as a whole.

He probably made more money this way, though. While it lasted.

[ktarotttt]

an enhypen love reading. — june 2025 ★ ˙🧷 ̟ !!

while I wanted to dive into it deeper, I didn’t wanna be attacked or anything so I felt keeping it simple was best. as always, none of this is claimed as a fact. just some cards and good intentions. purely for entertainment purposes. love my boys and want them to be in love and happy.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ heeseung

single, but there’s definitely someone from his past that he can’t get off his mind. in a bad way. the 6 of cups is reversed for him, which is what I describe as “bad nostalgia”. there’s a difference between reminiscing, and being stuck in what was. unfortunately my baby is stuck.

there’s been a major crash and burn in his love life, even if it was for the best, it doesn’t feel like that for him rn. just sucks. he’s trying to put his focus on other things such as career, making music, stuff like that, but he really cannot get over how stuff ended with whoever this person is. he can’t look at the bigger picture of it just yet, which is understandable if you ever have experienced this feeling. (it’s the freakin worst!) he’s just still so attracted to her and sees her as such a nurturing, kind, and wise woman. maybe felt like she was his divine counterpart. or the empress being here could mean he’s trying to love himself more and nurture his needs while dealing with this but … we’ll never know.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ jake

“single”, but very emotionally attached to someone (seems like for a valid reason? got the king and queen of cups so it seems like they are a safe space for eachother. he likely feels like she understands him and has empathy for him a way nobody ever has. or at least another woman has. but their relationship is toxic outside of that it seems and he is very aware it’s time to walk away. just a strong attachment.

doesn’t even seem like they’re in a relationship anymore if they were. felt very much so like…we broke up but we can’t stop talking to eachother. physicallness seems hard to let go of as well. growing pains type shit. the end of this connection is knocking on Jake’s door though, he’s just kinda turning a blind eye. kindaaaa. one eye on her and the other on the door.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ jay

seems single, but is very interested in someone who is very attractive, confident, and has a lot of aura. 100% his type is what I kept hearing in his energy. he’s just trying to build the courage to approach, as it seems he feels a BIG lack of confidence when it comes to actually being with her for some reason? it also seems like he’s still juggling if it’s worth it. I got a lot to “I want to approach, buttttt career? is it time?”

got the 5 of pentacles here, so for the context of this reading, that means he’s unsure if he’s good enough for this girl. she must be a bad bitch!!! i’m telling you I would not be surprised if she’s an idol as well who’s known for her aura. (you are more than good enough babe!) but the king of cups was there so it isn’t just because she’s attractive. there’s a genuine pull here. pure. really likes her or feels she could be a good match for him.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ sunghoon

in a relationship. no doubt about it (hahahaha no pun intended). or is about to be in one. I think for awhile, sunghoon may have denied himself of this connection (or multiple connections), due to not being ready for better. the 8 of cups is a card of emotional transition. wanting more for yourself, and accepting that while in the past your current circumstances (or relationships) were good enough, it’s not anymore.

this woman is represented as the queen of cups, so she’s definitely a sweetheart. empathetic, emotionally in tune, and easily makes sunghoon feels safe. cared for. loved. it seems he’s recently decided…you know what, I DO deserve this. i deserve love. i’m not gonna deprive myself of this girl who has been waiting patiently for me to jus trust her. the ace of cups, the lovers, and two of cups were here as well as the ace of wands so, it’s new, but he’s very happy. and they seem genuinely suited for eachother. it’s very mutual attraction, care, and maybe even love here. they take good care of eachother. if he’s not in love yet, he will be. he’s the only one that is in a committed situation rn it seems. go papi!!!!

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ sunoo

single. can’t even say he wants to mingle right now ahahaha. focused on his bag, and him showing up as the queen of wands tells me that yes, obviously everyone thinks he’s hot and likely pursues him. he might even like it or find it cute or endearing, but he’s a bag chaser rn. even if someone with potential came, he doesn’t really see how they could fit in his life rn with how much he already has on his plate (two of pentacles).

the wheel of fortune is here, so he’s kinda just accepting the game of life. going with the flow. trusting his intuition (high priestess) and observing more than he’s talking. but it’s straight pentacles here. and I don’t think it bothers him.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ jungwon

my bookie!! omg. so don’t ask me why but for jungwon, something told me to get a channeled song, and the one that started playing was treasure by bruno mars!!! and I already love this song but i was like … extra excited listening to it so I wonder if Jungwon has his eye on someone from afar. and he’s like … if only you knew how i saw you. i felt so giddy while listening like how you feel about your crush when you’re singing a song and the lyrics are exactly how you feel. and she’s coming out as the queen of cups it seems, so … as you guys know us water sign girlies are often the most VISIBILY insecure/blue 🥹. even though we’re beautiful asf and the sweetest things!

bruno mars says in the song “pretty girl you should be smiling, a girl like you should never look so blue. you’re everything I see in my dreams, I wouldn’t say that to you if it wasn’t true” 🥹🥹🥹🥹

so boom, definitely single, and is doing MAJOR inner work rn to release the weight past love has left on him. in readings I’ve done in the past for wongles, he definitely does not have a lot of genuine romantic experience (like actual girlfriends, long term connections, etc). it’s been more crushes and talking stages for him. but they also have left a very bad impression on him, and left him badly hurt, because he already has a hard time feeling the icky feelings liking someone brings, but he has tried. and I don’t think people have been careful with his heart. which in turn has made him like “fuck love” for a while.

the good thing!!! is that he’s finally moving away the baggage. we have 6 of swords, 10 of wands, 4 of cups, 9 of swords reversed, and 8 of cups, which in summary says: it’s not gonna be easy, but I refuse to engage with anybody who brings nothing but arguments and drama in my life, makes love seem undesirable, is ruining my sleep, and turning me into a ball of stress and anxiety. I deserve better, or at least deserve to get far away from these people and love myself. those people are out, and this queen of cups is in!

with the overall energy being ace of cups (opening himself up to new romantic experiences/feelings emerging for someone) queen of cups (a compassionate, emotionally in tune, kind woman/him wanting to embody these qualities freely) and the king of wands (a man who sees what he wants and wants to chase it) — it seems like there’s something blooming in the beginning stages. she may have no idea how much he likes her, but he does. and it’s even sweeter because he likes her for her personality. not just like … she’s hot. it just seems like he’s unsure if he’s REALLY gonna pursue her (two of wands reversed) . which is understandable due to how his past experiences have went. he doesn’t wanna get hurt again. or mess up. jungwon always comes up in readings as someone who will watch you for a long time before he makes a move, but he’s seen her up close and from afar and she is a very genuine person it seems. I keep seeing someone who helps people a lot. very sweet, and she draws him in with this vibe. siren energy ahahaha.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ niki

i just wanna say being in Niki’s energy is just as funny as he is in real life lol. because at first he was like … man I don’t wanna talk about love rn but then when I ask for his song, he played some freaked out shit lmfaoooooo. so it’s safe to say that he is um…maybe single but, mingling with someone. physically attached to someone maybe. allegedly. not a fact.

the first card we got is the 6 of swords reversed which is “I know I need to release myself from this, but I can’t”. and with the page of cups, which is understandable because he’s still very young and probably just now starting to care about love and crushes and relationships, his feelings in this connection are rooted in innocent immaturity. the page of cups is like, middle school crush energy. think of that intensity. that gooeyness in your heart when you’re around them. how delusional you can be because you’ve never seen how fucked up people are yet.

that’s how he feels about whoever this is, which is why he can’t walk away from it even though it may be a lot of drama. the 6 of cups is here which represents our younger years, someone you have fond memories with, or someone you’ve known for a long time. and with the 7 of wands and the 3 of pentacles, it seems that he can’t really be talked out of being involved with them. he may be defensive about this person/standing ten toes on it. orrrr playing advocate…this could mean that just because he can’t let go yet because of how deeply he feels, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t fighting back on the things he doesn’t like within the connection. the 3 of pentacles could indicate this being someone he works closely with or sees as a good partner. they help him with things even if it isn’t always perfect.

it’s like this person doesn’t always make him feel that great. or maybe he’s even disappointed that he allows certain things but he’s very attracted to them. its like when you’re involved with someone that makes you sad, but they also make you feel something. which at his age means something. it’s a confusing energy im ngl. he’s probably confused to.

[kingofbodyrolls]

Why I left, and why I’m staying

Before we begin, a gentle warning: this post touches on some heavy topics—self-harm, suicide, childhood trauma, and mental health. If these are tender places for you, please take care of yourself first. You don’t have to read this. You come first. Always.

The breaking

I wish I could say there was one reason I left, one singular thing that cracked me open and made me disappear. But life isn’t that neat, is it? It was everything, all at once—the weight of low engagement, the endless comparisons, the silent echoes in the spaces where I hoped for connection. It was the exhaustion of always lifting others while I crumbled beneath my own hands, the way I’d pour and pour and pour until my cup was bone-dry.

I’ve never been good at putting myself first. So I did something drastic. I erased myself. I deleted my blog. And even though I know I needed to do it, even though I was drowning—it still stings. Because I know I disappointed people. Because I felt like I failed.

But sometimes, you have to lose yourself to find yourself again.

The staying (or at least, the blog is)

Fifteen years. That’s how long my original blog existed (RIP, old friend). It was a part of me, woven into my story. And even when I stepped away, I still felt the pull—the whisper of unfinished business. I missed the good parts, the warmth, the shared love for stories. And most of all, I felt like I owed it to you—to the people who found pieces of themselves in my words—to keep those stories alive, even if I wasn’t always here to tend to them.

I don’t know if I’ll be active. I don’t know if I’ll post new things. The same reasons that made me leave still sit heavy on my chest sometimes. But I’ve learned something in all of this: healing isn’t a straight path. It isn’t a neat little checklist where you wake up one day and—boom!—all better. It’s messy. It’s cyclical. Some days I feel invincible, and some days I feel like a ghost haunting my own life.

I’m staying, but I’m staying on my own terms.

The healing

Here’s the scariest part: I don’t really know who I am. I don’t know where I begin and where my trauma ends. For so long, I’ve been a collection of survival tactics, stitched together with coping mechanisms and old wounds. I’ve been the person who tries to fix everything—people, situations, the cracks in the universe itself—because maybe if I can make others happy, I can be happy too.

But that’s not how healing works.

And I want to heal. I want to love without needing to be needed. I want to give without emptying myself. I want to exist simply because I deserve to exist—not because I think I have to prove my worth to anyone.

In my time away, I rediscovered something that’s been a lifeline: poetry. I wrote my pain into verses, shaped my grief into something tangible, something outside of me. And somewhere in that process, I found a little light. Enough light to choose to stay. Enough light to call my doctor that day instead of following through with a plan I had convinced myself was necessary. Enough light to realize that I don’t actually want to die—I just want the pain to stop.

And now, I want to live. Fully, wholly, authentically. I want to love my husband and my kids the way I needed to be loved as a child. I want to keep giving—but from a place of joy, not from a place of depletion. I want to share, not because I need validation, but because I already know I am enough.

So if I pop in and out, know that it’s not because I don’t care. It’s because I am taking care. Of myself. Of the little girl inside me who deserved softness, but never got it. Of the future version of me who deserves to be whole.

To you, with Love

If you’ve read this far—thank you. Truly.

If you are struggling, if you carry trauma, if your mind feels like a storm you can’t escape—please, please know: you are not alone. Even in a crowded room, even when it feels like no one sees you—I promise, someone does. And if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here (or on Discord, same username).

Please, take care of yourself. Please stay.

The world needs your light.

And I will be back 🌻☀️

[lady-lani-1707]

Sorry I've been inactive, lots of things have been happening in my life. This post is going to be more of a rambling, but I hope to get back to my longer essay like posts, so please bear with me ;)

So so overjoyed that the supreme court has finally defined what a woman is, and before the trans activists try and guilttrip and threaten to end their lives reminder of what were gaining as women (p.s. sorry this is rushed but you might want to screenshot this incase my post gets taken down again)

The whole reason for this was because companies were wondering if to fill their FEMALE quotas they can use transwomen.

Reminding you what TRAs have took from us.

They've stopped lesbians from grouping male free events. They've made it so that female rape victims should include males in their rape centres. They've made female patients get male doctors. They certainly love crying transphobia at any single sex space like female only gyms. They've harrased and made rape threats to so many women and wished death upon them all for being "terfs," aka wanting a female only spaces. People have lost jobs over this. Women have been targeted throughout this. They've tried and fought to take any semblance of fair and just, and they've changed the definitions to include themselves into everything. Women historical figures who had to pretend to be men to get successful are now being claimed as transgender icons instead of proof of misogynistic society. They've claimed that lesbians and women would never have got their rights if it wasn't for them. Instead of making their own space, the trans movement has done nothing but tear down the centuries' worth of work women have done. Single sex spaces are more than just buildings and places. It's not 'just' a toilet. Males, including transwomen are the most dangerous and violent category of the human race, both to each other and to women. Every minute of every day, there is a woman being hurt at the hands of the man. Not every man, but most violent crime is done by a man.

I thought they knew that sex and gender are different, but clearly that doesn't matter.

If anything, this is a male rights movement. It's allowed them free roam. They don't even need anything other than stating they're a woman. In some places, we've abandoned the need for any attempt to at least pass a woman to make us feel unsafe.

Even so, even if they pass as us, it's nothing but lying. I'm sorry but you can never change your sex. Everyone must love themselves how they are. You can dress how you want, get whatever surgeries you please. But it's no more valid then someone pretending to be a doctor to access staff spaces in a hospital. Every single human being is either male or female, even intersex people either produce sperm or eggs - and that's completly upto the doctors to know how to classify them. Reminder that intersex people with disorders of sexual development are not your little pawns to pass sex as fluid when it's not.

Most people are born with 2 arms, just because some people aren't because of complications and health problems, it doesn't change the human species standard, does it?

Anyways, the point is don't let them try and guilt trip you with the usual "transwomen don't do anything they're such a small minority". For such a small minority you've certainly allowed male rapists into female prisons and had children with healthy organs get themselves mutualied and sterile before they're old enough to even have lived as their sex and made an informed choice.

For every dangerous terf you claim there's a woman who's lost her place in her sport or is regretting getting surgery before therapy. They do not stop and think about how they're affecting others. "Transwomen are now forced to be strip searched by male police officers" and women were forced to be searched by males first. Such a selfish and demanding bunch that had such a grip on the world with their constant confusing of labels.

It is really simple. Your neovagina is a inverted penis and your "penis" is a elongated clitorous.

I don't mean to say trans people suffering from gender dysphoria don't exist, I am just telling you straight up about how you're being taken advantage of and constantly affirmed for money. Sorry I have to be harsh with my words but wake up. The sooner you accept yourselves how you are the better. You are a medical patient for life because of your ideology. To the trans people who accept their biological sex and don't lie about, I'm genuinely sorry that the activists are making you look bad. Reminding you that your rights are actually not being taken away, if you read the law it only defines women amd this will only make some companies be stricter on single sex spaces and not take surgeries completly of the table. This is not going to affect your day to day life at all if you're a rational individual.

And to the women, I'm sorry it had to take us so long to recognise our sex based rights that we've fought for. We deserve events and spaces free from males who can pose a danger for us. Every other group is free to congregate and have special places for themselves but us. Call it what is is, the male rights movement.

But we fight, and we win, and we're half the population.

Victory to the female people.

- Lani, your lady

[noihavenosanitythanksforasking]

ableism in mha

okay so i was scrolling and i came across this post and it helped me reorganize a lot of thoughts ive been thinking sense i first started mha. ive always been not a fan of izuku getting ofa in the first place as it felt to me as it almost completely erased any meaning of his backstory. it felt like such a plot armor/mary sue moment but in the end i got over it, assuming that most likely he would loose it at one point (i was right but we'll get to that later).

after he enters UA its almost as if his entire past is just like- not important?? i have plenty of hcs about his suppressed trauma and if you read into a lot of the situations he goes thru in the manga i can see it but is not blatantly said/expressed that he struggles with a complex from how he was treated as a child.

in the end mha becomes a manga mostly focused on some sort of version of not judging a person by their cover. The fact that a technically "villainous" quirk does not make someone a bad person.

now ofc this is totally true. no one should be overlooked or declined rights or decency because of the quirk they have. this lesson is a valid one.

the analogy i have made up in my head is this.

people who are born with "hero-like" or "useful" quirks, for example: bakugou, todoroki, hawks etc are beautiful people

(for the context of this metaphor ignore the fact that beauty is complex and is in the eye of the beholder just roll with me)

and then you have the people with "useless" or average quirks that are just average people

and then you have people like toga or shinsou with quirks that are seen as inherently dangerous. quirks that are unable to be used for good. those are the ugly people.

now obviously we shouldnt discriminate people just because society says they are ugly. there is no doubt in that and it is a tragedy that it happened and still happens.

however

20% of the population cannot even fall onto this scale. the quirkless. aka the disabled. they are not even seen as being worth a label on the scale because they are so disgusting and strange that no one wants to remember yhey exist.

i wouldnt be as upset by the lack of talk about quirkless people if izuku wasnt quirkless, if the first arc of mha wasnt izuku struggling with the fact that no one in the world cares about him but his mom and that not even her believes he can achieve anything because of his disability.

the whole set up was izuku wanted to be a hero DESPITE his disability. even though truly he thought it was impossible. he didnt work out, he didnt try and do anything to become a hero because he believed everyone was right. that what society had been telling him his whole life was true and he couldnt be a hero. but he wanted to despite that. that was the hook of mha. at least for me.

a bullied lonely boy with a disability achieves his dream despite society. despite being told at every turn that he couldnt do it. he said he can and he does.

but thats not what happened at all.

instead some pillar of all that is heroic drops down from the sky and magically cures his disability. and suddenly hes just a normal kid.

and suddenly we forget all about midoriya izuku and how hard it is to be quirkless. how much quirkless people struggle. how many of them must commit suicide because of yhe seeming completely normalized harassment of them in everyday life.

and i dont want to blame izuku for this because in the end hes a kid with trauma who just wants to fit in. its frankly quite obvious that he whole heartedly agrees with bakugou and everyone else from his past that yeah quirkless people are useless.

the way he treated Melissa in the movie broke my heart. he belittled her like it was second nature and while he obviously had no malicious feelings toward her because of her quirklessness he sees her as a second class citizen. hes surprised that she is able to achieve things despite her disability. that she manages to be happy in a world where she isnt "normal".

and again in the long run i dont truly blame izuku for feeling this way. like everyone he is a product of his environment.

again, however:

i do blame horikoshi

do we need to be nicer to people with villainous quirks: yes ofc

but your manga isnt about that. your manga is about someone whose seen as even less than that. you can address both issues.

having bakugou break down about izuku becoming quirkless was good but that was pretty much all we got.

and what happenes when izuku looses ofa?? he gives up on being a hero.

how the hell does that make sense

everyone in japan knows this boys name. he is considered a top hero. and he just drops off the face the hero scene?

hatsume exists??? izukus face has been in her boobs TWICE for gods sake. yaoyorozu can make things out of thin and are they had to wait 8 years.

izuku is too smart to not think of that.

it would take hatsume 3 days max.

and ignoring that whole point again hori is pushing the idea that bakugou and everyone from aldera were CORRECT. that yeah u were right to think the quirkless of useless cause like they cant do anything :3c

izuku has had NO growth this whole manga. all hes learned is how to hit things how to kick things and awww kacchan sad :(((.

nothing about believing in himself. nothing about how he can be a hero despite the odds. nothing even about the power of friendship helping him to overcome.

im just like wtf hori.

[shotanzz]

HOW RIIZE HANDLES BREAK UPS ~ based on astrology

reminder this is based off of MY opinions of their birth chart placements + aspects and is not exact fact unless I knew them myself !!!

Shotaro

He definitely wouldn’t go around telling everyone would happen and would prefer to process and think about it privately on his own; if the members knew about the s/o they’d maybe have to find out about the breakup on their own honestly..he’d try to be mature and even seem very distanced after it’s over, he’d possibly become a workaholic but still have times where he’d have to think about what happened. If the relationship really meant something to him he might become a little restless or even attempt to bring the relationship back to together or have some form of proximity. OR he straight up goes no contact completely like. GONE 😀

Eunseok

Similar to my second chance romance post from a while back he’d essentially force himself to move on especially if there’s no prospects of you two coming together again. Like Shotaro he’ll deal with his feelings on his own and would rather find solutions than to ruminate and sulk or even feel the full grasps of his emotions. He’d have his moment and then move on he might even have a somewhat nonchalant “shit happens” attitude towards it; even if it had hurt he wouldn’t allow himself to crumble especially in front of others. I feel like he’d try to date around to get him out of a funk however he might accidentally move on too fast causing room for error.

Sungchan

Oh man who cued the water works. I feel like he’d have to emotionally self soothe, he might seek comfort or advice from his mom or close friends and to see if what happened was “valid”. He’d take a bit longer to move on, even if the feelings weren’t as potent he might lowkey get stuck on the situation itself. Definitely a crier if he genuinely valued the relationship. He might give himself a little glow up or work on himself physically because the break up would essentially affect his ego especially if it’s in bad terms or if the event makes him feel insecure and doubt his self worth. Most DEF has a bounce back tho or tries to at least, like I said before he wants his new partner to look better than the last.

Wonbin

Um. It could turn out in a multitude of ways. If he really liked you he would attempt to spin back or would want you to come back if he simply can’t move on to someone else and is deluded by you OR he’d have himself move on knowing how available other people are to him. He might become a victim in certain situations or may struggle to see where the relationship had went “wrong” due to him not acknowledging the short comings. Honestly Wonbin takes a bit longer to get over breakups but most likely when he finds a new object of affection or is preoccupied with something else he enjoys he’ll ultimately be fine.

Seunghan

He’s one that would go out sad but then try to bounce back. He’d have to emotionally retreat into himself for a bit and even take time away so he could fully process and think through the break up before tapping into his more optimistic stance. Similar to Sungchan he definitely asks/talks to friends on if the relationship was fair, what terms him and the ex s/o are on, if he should spin back, if he should move on; he’d rely heavily on what other people in his circle think. After grieving he’d want to enjoy himself, to party, explore, try new things honestly bring new joys to avoid thinking about what he’s lost.

Sohee

Mr.optimist and get over it honestly. If he executes the break up he’d want it to be blunt and simple but if he got broken up with he’d be slightly taken aback but would accept your stance and try to move on. Honestly he’s what Eunseok aims to achieve after a breakup. He would try not to sulk and would definitely attempt to move on and date others or even attend events where he could get lucky with meeting someone. He’d want to not let it hinder other aspects of his life and may even have a lack of acknowledgement on the fact the relationship even happened. If it’s on bad terms or he felt/was done wrong he’s definitely talking at least a little bit shit I’m sorry 😭.

Anton

Retail therapy, comfort food, ranting about it and gyming it out, a more simple man to a degree in the getting over it process. How he’d treat the person depends, if the break up was on pretty bad terms and you guys can’t even remain on being friends/acquaintances he’d probably essentially avoid you 😭 he might even become a bit gossipy if he felt as though you were in the wrong or shady. However if the terms were good and he really loved the person he might attempt to be platonic or at the very least an acquaintance.

[jungkoode]

Please, please forgive me if I'm interpreting this incorrectly, but I'm finding it really interesting to see how the sexual side of Jungkook & Nix's (not)relationship is playing out because they both approach it so differently that I wonder if they'll ever be on the same page.

Nix seems to use sex as a way to cement her independence. She is living her own life, away from her overbearing parents, and that means she can do what she wants, whenever she wants with her body. She's fully aware of this. It's about control for her. She also values the pleasure of herself and her partner equally.

However, Jungkook uses sex as a connection, though I'm not sure he even realizes it. Yes, there are mentions of him treating sex casually and sleeping around, but his personality in the bedroom/window/couch/table is a huge shift from his normal demeanor. He's normally confrontational, intrusive, unserious, and self-serving. In the bedroom/etc, he's reassuring, cognizant & respectful of boundaries, and very attentive to her reactions, often ignoring his needs in order to prioritize her pleasure. Until she offers him a blowjob. I'm perplexed as to why he's so hesitant to accept. It seems like more than just disbelief. It feels like there's some sort of trauma or insecurity buried there. So what's the haps with that? Or am I misunderstanding the scene?

But anyway, I know you've stated you don't write the smut gratuitously. I just want to say I'm enjoying the way it's progressing the characters more than any conversation could at this point. They're kind of opposites in that Nix uses sex to (intentionally) establish independence and Jungkook uses it (unintentionally) to make connections and stabilize himself. However, I think they're both using it to distance themselves from their past, so maybe they aren't on the same page, but they're at least in the same book.

Leaving this on anon in case I'm so wrong about this that it's embarrassing 🤣

First of all.

IF ANY OF YOU EVER APOLOGIZES AGAIN FOR SPITTING OUT THEORIES I WILL PERSONALLY STRANGLE YOU WITH THE GUTS OF YOUR FAVORITE FANFICTION BOY.

This energy?? THIS ENERGY?? Is my lifeblood. You’re giving me brain fuel. You’re feeding me gourmet psychological analysis. You’re giving Freud a posthumous erection. I love you.

Now. Buckle up, bestie, because I have THOUGHTS.

You are so, so, SO valid in reading that disconnect between how Jungkook and Nix approach sex. You’re not only not wrong—you’re dancing naked in the truth. Nix absolutely uses sex as agency. As proof of ownership over her body. She’s finally free from that suffocating control, and this isn’t just rebellion, it’s like—proof of concept. She’s testing herself. Pushing her boundaries. Can I do this and still be mine? Can I want this and still be whole? She’s not ashamed of desire, but she’s constantly trying to make sure it doesn’t own her the way everything else in her life has.

And then you have Jungkook. And GOD it breaks my heart to even type this—but sex is not love to him. Not anymore. It’s not even connection. It’s performance. It’s ritual. It’s reassurance that someone still wants him, even if just for a night. He’s conditioned himself out of expecting anything from it except that fleeting high of being needed. And he sells it like it’s confidence, like he’s in control—but in reality, he’s giving and giving and giving because deep down he believes he’s only worth what he can offer.

The fact that he’s so attentive in bed? That’s not tenderness—it’s pattern recognition. He’s reading her like a script because he’s terrified of doing the wrong thing. Because someone made him believe his pleasure was either irrelevant or dangerous. And when she offers to go down on him—when she gives him the opportunity to receive without earning it first—he panics. Because that kind of vulnerability? That kind of intimacy? That shit wasn’t safe before. It was twisted, weaponized, punished. And now? Now he doesn’t know how to accept it without feeling like he’s about to drown.

The heartbreak of all this is that they are, without knowing it, giving each other exactly what they crave: she gives him space to feel safe and wanted, and he gives her space to be wild and free and worshipped. But they’re both too wrapped up in their coping mechanisms to recognize that. It’s two people who are deeply hurting, crashing into each other like waves—and somehow managing to make the other feel better without knowing why.

Same page? Maybe not.

Same book? Oh, babes—they’re annotating each other’s chapters.

You’re a genius for picking up on this. Don’t ever doubt that. This analysis is gorgeous and I’m gonna print it out and tape it to my forehead. Thank you for letting me rant. Please come back and psychoanalyze my blorbos again soon. You have full clearance to be messy and loud and brave in this inbox, always.

(Also the blowjob thing? You’ll cry later. Just a heads up. *dodges rocks*)

[lochlogie]

There are parallels I'm sure of it. I'm putting red string on my conspiracy wall. With Saxon shoving beers in Lochlan's hands culminating in Lochlan snatching up the drink bucket Saxon had intended to give to Chelsea... and with Saxon making multiple protein shakes for Lochlan and forcing him to drink them culminating in Lochlan making a protein shake for himself and well... yeah.

What could it mean? Could it mean that Saxon's idea of mentorship is handing someone the keys to a car but not teaching them how to drive? He wants Lochlan to drink protein shakes and alcohol. But then he loses interest once he introduces Lochlan to them. His job is done. Which he can't really be blamed for, like with Piper not wanting her pathetic wet dog brother to live with her at a monastery for a year. But Lochlan, who has been conditioned like a lab mouse on cocaine, doesn't want whatever connection he has with Saxon to end. He must on some level enjoy the attention, the way Saxon will just decide to do things with him, for him, to him.

Like Saxon encouraged Lochlan to drink on the yacht, and he's already slamming back shots before they get to the party. But Saxon doesn't buy him a drink when they're at the party 😟 what the hell Saxon? Good thing Chelsea didn't want the drink Saxon bought for her, Lochlan will take it 😅

Saxon more than encouraged Lochlan to drink protein shakes (are they shakes or smoothies?) but then he once again loses interest, though it could be called many different things. Is he punishing Lochlan? Does he feel guilty? Is he just trying to create space between them? He even says "I can't make you a man," which is like, okay, then why did you claim you could and would? Fucking loser.

It is more wholesome than getting your underage brother to binge drink, that's true. Making shakes for him, trying to get him invested in health and fitness and gym bro life, its not unhinged or anything (his forcefulness sure is though). But Lochlan clearly sees the ritual of Saxon making him the shakes to be more important than the "lesson" Saxon is trying to teach him. For all he hates those damn shakes, Saxon making them for him is what Lochlan cares about. It makes it all worth it. He didn't appreciate the shakes when Saxon would still make them for him even though he asked him not to. Once Saxon stops, he's like "I'll have a shake if you make me one 🥺"

Peak dysfunctional relationship lmao ☠

But I think it all ties into sex too. Saxon talks about sex constantly, and constantly espouses his redpill philosophy and expects Lochlan to, if not follow it, then at least listen raptly with awe in his eyes because Saxon is so fucking cool and wise you guys. But again, it's not the lessons that Saxon "teaches," it's the quality time and the fact that Saxon is making time in the first place. That's what Lochlan cares about.

I think it's a real possibility that Lochlan either wanted Saxon to stay when Chloe took him to her sex dungeon, or he was secretly relieved that Saxon didn't feel like leaving. I think he wanted Saxon there, maybe because he wants him, but also maybe because Saxon just makes him feel special, seen, valid, safe.

Victoria and Timothy never talk about Lochlan, they barely talk to him and only ever to criticize him for most of the show. Piper is so aloof she only talks to Lochlan when he approaches her and expresses an interest in her values, or when she needs something from him. Saxon is incredibly aggressive with his "I need to shape Loch into the man I want him to be" thing, whereas Piper is totally passive.

And the fact that this is the glue holding it together? Lochlan gets his self worth from this peaked in high school sex pest? Just because he notices Lochlan and puts in the effort to try to dictate what kind of person he should be? Lochlan get off your knees now I know toxic guys are hot but that's your brother who is almost 30 you should be playing Minecraft he should be at the club getting mace sprayed in his eyes. You are not the same!

Anyway, if Saxon has been investing so much sexual interest in Lochlan, touching himself sexually, talking about sex, pressuring Lochlan to have sex, and to change parts of his personality in the pursuit of getting sex, being handsy with Lochlan and making a billion inappropriate comments, literally coaching him (one might call it pimping him out) and helping orchestrate a deflowering event... like chill the fuck out Saxon.

But it's like the protein shakes, and to a lesser extent the alcohol. For Saxon to hit the gas so hard and then to suddenly brake? Lochlan feels that gulf opening up between them every time and it scares the shit out of him, because if Saxon's not doting on him then Lochlan must've done something wrong, and he needs to fix it or he'll have no one, because his parents don't care about him and Piper is leaving him.

So I think it is a possibility that in that moment, with Saxon lying there (how conscious, we'll never know; how involved before Lochlan took over, we'll never know), Lochlan felt a similar impulse to what Saxon would later verbalize. "No one is going to make you a man, okay you have to do it yourself."

Sure he was fucking Chloe, but if Saxon wasn't going to fuck him like Lochlan was probably certain that's where this was leading lol, then he should take matters into his own hands. He wants that bizarre connection between them. He thrives off of Saxon's deranged advice, even if he disagrees with it. He craves Saxon's attention and mentorship, because it means Saxon cares about him. And if Saxon only cares about him as a little marionette he can play with, Lochlan's fine with that.

But for Saxon to be so invested in Lochlan's sex life, to maybe showing Lochlan how it's done (the flashbacks are ambiguous to be fair), I think it's possible that Lochlan saw Saxon checked out, probably sated from whatever he did with Chloe, maybe still jerking off, we don't know. But I think Lochlan saw him there and didn't want this to end. Because after he fucked Chloe and they went back to the hotel... Saxon would be done teaching him. This all would be over. Would Saxon move onto something else like maybe focusing on the gym? Lochlan would have no way of knowing. And if he's rolling like crazy and drank 30 gallons of alcohol... I can kind of see how he'd think this way in the moment.

And it's almost like yeah preying on a confused, underdeveloped, naïve, lonely, depressed, probably autistic, definitely closeted goober like Lochlan is probably going to have him obsessively cherishing every bizarre ritual you include him in, even if it's not healthy for him, even if it's borderline or outright abusive. He simply does not respect himself enough to question where the affection is coming from or if it's ultimately good for him 😭

[eemamminy-art]

12 and 24 for the ask game! :3

Answering this one like days later haha but I wanted to still do it!

Choose violence ask game

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

I feel like deciding on a character for this is tough because I mostly like unpopular characters! Or at least, let's say, divisive characters!

But since he's currently the brightest star in my blorbo galaxy, let's talk about Alex. He gets overlooked or even despised because of some of his low hearts dialog-- he's superficial, he's sexist (to both men and women), and he's arrogant. Or so he seems at a glance! But all of that is a facade and far from his true feelings, and if you take even just the slightest bit of time to talk to him, he begins to open up almost immediately. You find out he's insecure, very hard on himself, and spinning his wheels for a dream that realistically can never come true. You find out he has trauma from his abusive dad and his deceased mom, and his grandparents mean well but they haven't exactly prepared him to stand on his own, much as they want him to find his way and find happiness in life. He has a twisted view of what it means to be a man, because he's trying so hard to not be like his father at all costs, but he doesn't know what a well-rounded, well-adjusted man looks like, and falls into toxic masculinity because it's all he really knows how to emulate. He's athletic and he's attractive, so he packs all his self-worth into those things and presses down the inadequacies he feels about his intelligence-- both book smarts and emotional intelligence.

The more you help him find genuine confidence to work on himself, he softens up and apologizes for his prior behavior, and whenever he commits to working on something he damn well means it! He's a character who is putting himself under immense pressure and refusing to ask for help, and thus projecting those feelings outward until someone (the player) can look past the mask he wears and hear out all the worries that have been weighing him down and keeping him stuck in stasis. :3

He's actually really sweet and goofy too. He has some really silly and innocent lines that give him some himbo vibes, but I like to think he's intelligent in his own way. My friend describes him as low INT, high WIS and I think that's apt! When you marry him in-game, he has a lot of dialog where he talks about his feelings and he is very patient and considerate, and I think it's a wonderful bit of character growth! He still talks about how insecure he feels, like he has a line how he wants to "stay in good shape for you", so I wouldn't say that all his problems are solved by a relationship, but I think it does a world of difference for his sense of self worth, and I love to see the growth in him.

After all, if he can see that he's deserving of patience and kindness toward himself, and that it's okay to fail, maybe I can start believing that about myself too. 😊 He's inspirational to me. I'm emotional!! 😩

I like him :3 Just a little bit lol. 220k words and counting kind of little bit.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

There's so many things that apply to this too lol ship wars... which headcanon is 'more valid'... these are timeworn wank topics but they never seem to dampen even though everyone seems to hate this kind of discourse.

I will say I've gotten better about hyping up people who ship stuff even if I'm not into it, prefacing all my own headcanons with a clear indication that it's my opinion, and if I really gotta complain just keeping it to like, out loud telling my spouse about it. Like just to preserve my mental health, I get so easily wrapped up in debate with people and so often in fandom people just want to be right. Including me! I also want to be right sometimes, it's like in my nature lol (especially when it's something like... factual rather than opinion-based and I have to bring out the receipts from the game script or something) 😫 but being aware of that and choosing to be like 🙂👍 instead makes me feel so much better overall and also makes my fandom experience infinitely better

[beauty-and-passion]

TMA - Chapters 131-140: Want to stop a ritual? Throw shit in it

Here we are, back with ten more chapters!

Jon promised me a way to save Daisy and I can’t wait to see how he will do it. And, most importantly, if he will come back all in one piece.

Fingers crossed.

<< Main Masterlist < Previous post  _______________________________

MAG 131 - Flesh

So, Jon’s anchor is going to be part of himself. But it looks like that, no matter how many people/things want to kill him, he cannot die nor hurt himself in any way. Good to know, at least his patron is useful for something.

Melanie is back and she’s… better? Somehow? I mean, she’s still very pissed, but at least she’s not in a killing spree mode anymore.

I also really like her talk about anger, because anger is exactly how she describes it: gives you strength, it pushes you to do things and, when kept at bay, can become a strong part of you and your personality.

But because of its double nature, if anger keeps being validated, it can grow until “it slips out and hurts someone”. And if there is something that validates your anger and tells you that you are right to hurt others… you latch to it. After all, everyone would prefer some good validation, rather than acknowledging what you did was wrong and dealing with the consequences. As Melanie said, the bullet “didn’t stay in my leg because of some ghostly masterplan. It stayed because I wanted it.”.

Melanie: say no more, bro.

So, she calls Helen. And Jon is incredibly lucky, because I feared his rejection would let Helen plan revenge against him. But nope, it turns out she helped Jon’s colleagues against The Flesh and trapped Jared Hopworth in its corridors.

You’re a nice Distortion, Helen, I like you.

We finally meet Jared in person and he’s a nice guy, I like him! I mean:

He wants to kill Jon, but we already learned that killing Jon is a national sport, so it’s fine.

He wants to be paid for his statement, so at least he’s more clever and diplomatic than Jude, who just got pissed and burned Jon in return.

As soon as he got a Leitner, he went straight to experimenting on his father (by making him taller) and his mother (by giving her a new smile). He’s fucked up, I like that in a character.

When other Flesh servants told him to remake the world together, Jared replied: "fuck off, I like the world as it is and I have stuff to do.". What a king.

He got new friends, by reshaping their bodies.

Moral of the story: The Flesh’ powers can make you win in life, but unfortunately you can do nothing if someone scams you. And Jared got scammed by the letters, that told him to attack the Archives.

Who was the sender? The Web, still following some weird business plan? Or Elias wanting to have fun?

So, Jared fulfills his side of the agreement and tells his life story up to a few months ago. And Jonathan Sims, the Archivist, avatar of The Eye, magical know-it-all, the guy who literally sold one of his ribs for a goddamn statement… has the nerve to complain that the statement is already over and “hardly worth a rib”.

Goddamit Jon, you’re asking to be killed.

But since Jon is incredibly lucky, he doesn’t die because Melanie and Helen rescue him.

Honestly, I like the vibes these two have together. They sound like total besties and how cool would that be? They deserve to hang out together and talk about the people they killed, how complicated bodies are and how liberating it is to not care about them.

Is this change still supporting my “positive godly powers” theory? For now, yes. We’ll see how it evolves in the future.

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MAG 132 - Entombed

After more than 100 chapters from MAG 2 and the absolute king who kept the coffin in his house without opening it (you will be forever famous, my man), we finally see what’s inside the Casket.

And there isn’t much, aside from a path that keeps getting tighter and smaller until you’re literally crawling, unable to die and unable to move on at the same time. It kinda reminds me of The Enigma of Amigara Fault by Junji Ito and the sense of claustrophobia I felt while reading it, so yes, I like it.

Daisy was still alive, I knew it! And Jon casually confirmed my theory about how Daisy was a servant of The Hunt. She herself admitted The Hunt had been part of her life for a very long time!

But hey, apparently being stuck in a casket for months, away from your loved ones, is enough to convince even the strongest Hunter that, once they’ll come back, they’ll change their life and become a better person, fuck The Hunt.

Does that mean The Buried >>> The Hunt? Makes sense: anyone stuck in a coffin for more than 30 seconds would start to reconsider their whole life.

About Daisy’s dreams: I'm not sure if I got it right, but what I understood is that she was having prophetic dreams about what would happen. Once she saw her dreams starting to become real (e.g., Jon coming back from the States with the same shirt she dreamt of), she decided Jon was not human anymore, and she had to kill him.

Pretty normal: everyone connected to a supernatural god wants to kill Jon.

Despite the threat, Jon focuses very hard on his rib incredible luck and gets them both out, just in time to meet Basira - who hasn’t dropped dead in shock yet. This man’s luck is starting to become supernatural too.

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MAG 133 - Dead Horse

I’ve never heard of the lost city of Z, but it turns out it’s something taken from the real world - as well as Fawcett, his son Jack and his friend Raleigh Rimmel.Glad to learn something new :D

So these guys went searching for that city and searched. And searched. And searched. And met people from past expeditions and searched together. And searched. And searched.

Moral of the story: The Hunt is both the stupidest and the most clever of all Powers. It’s the stupidest because its ritual is neverending. And it’s the most clever, because if the ritual never ends, no one can throw shit in it to stop it.

Also, “The Everchase” is a cool name.

Okay, she’s a bit of a queen for this reply, but also: trust Jon, Basira. He says and does stupid shit, fine, but he already crossed the “I’m going to do everything by myself to save everyone” bridge. He spent an entire season being paranoid, only to realize he was being stupid. So yes, he’s right when he says “we make bad decisions when we don’t communicate”.

He might not be human anymore, but he’s still my son and I’m his proud mother <3

One last thing: Daisy has been eight months in the goddamn coffin and Jon three days? Holy shit, time flies when you’re having fun. Or when you’re being buried underground.

I wonder where the fuck was Martin during all of that. When will my man come back from Peter Lukas’ office - or wherever he’s working?

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MAG 134 - Time of Revelation

Holy shit, I literally called him. Martin is back and the time of revelation wasn’t just for him: it was for us too.

So. A fifteenth Power, uh? Fear of Extinction, to wipe out everything in our world and leave nothing behind. “The Terrible Change. The Future Without Us.”

Pretty accurate fear and I definitely don’t like how we seem to inch closer and closer to it. Let’s all collectively thank humans’ hubris, incompetence and ignorance for the decisions made in recent history.

This "new birth" also makes me think: considering new Powers can be born from new fears... can a new Power be born from our century's new fears?

I am especially thinking about the "rise of the AI" fear. The fear that humanity will be destroyed by AI. That AI will take over and wipe us out entirely.

Is this fear maybe too similar to The Extinction, or is there the foundation for a possible, modern Power? What do you think?

My thoughts aside, this MAG tells us some more interesting stuff regarding Peter Lukas and the overall plot:

*

First: Two Powers never attempted a ritual.

Mother-of-Puppets, aka The Web. And I get it: why changing the world, when you’re having fun already? This Power is based on differences, so a multifaceted world is already perfect enough for it.

Terminus, aka The End. And, again, of course it doesn’t need to perform a ritual. Everything will eventually die, so why bother at all? Way better to just sit and wait for everything and everyone to die. Most relatable Power ever.

I get Peter’s reasons here. Of course, if a Power like The Extinction rises and takes full control, it will be game over for everyone. If The Extinction wipes everything out, there would be nothing for all other Powers - End included. And if there’s nothing for the Powers… who knows? Maybe they’ll wither and even die?

…

Don’t tell me this will be the final-final boss. Choosing between The Extinction and and keeping all other Powers. I will crumble and die if THIS is the final choice.

*

Second: Peter has a plan and he requires “someone touched by the Beholding”.

Of course Elias didn’t want to help: helping would’ve required him getting up on his ass and do stuff. Too much work for him.

Luckily for Peter, there is Martin! And Martin is:

lonely enough to be claimed by The Lonely

caring enough to do something for everyone else/the world

badass enough to go all the way and save everyone

Which are good things if you’re a great human being like Martin, bad things if the avatar of a supernatural Power got his eyes on you.

*

Third: Peter tried to perform a ritual.

So Forsaken is, what, the actual name of The Lonely? Just like Mother-of-Puppets and Terminus? Will we get the real names of all the Powers? I hope so.

Peter’s ritual failed because of Gertrude, of course. I wonder what kind of shit she throw in it: was it a guy, a thing or a guy with a thing?

Peter casually admits he will try to perform another ritual in the future - if the world, hopefully, doesn’t end in the meantime. Legit.

*

Fourth: Peter is a nice fatherly figure.

Like… he’s genuinely nice with Martin. He doesn’t want to pressure him and he’s trying his best to convince Martin he can be trusted.

Oh no, I am starting to like this guy and hoping he will be a good father. But I am so, so scared that he will destroy my hopes by the end of the season.

*

Fifth: Peter is a funny guy.

Pretty accurate resume of MAG 132, couldn’t have said it better.

Ahahaha, he even calls the archive “a little soap opera”! Which actually is, so he’s not wrong. He’s a funny guy, I’m really starting to like him.

AND HE’S EVEN NICER WITH MARTIN!

Peter Lukas, I’m talking to you now: get my hopes down, do one single wrong thing to Martin and The Extinction will be the last thing you will have to worry about.

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MAG 135 - Dark Matter

We’ve heard/read a ton of statements, in these four seasons. But this is the first in which we get an ultimatum. Manuela Dominguez and Maxwell Rayner literally said: “Yo, we made our Black Sun and will perform a ritual soon. Surrender or else.”

10 points for the audacity, 10 points for the overconfidence, 20 points for the nerve of entering the temple of The Eye, calling it “a sick voyeur” and threatening its avatar/servants.

Okay, so the Dedalus served three purposes:

Manuela Dominguez had to create the black sun for The Dark’s ritual

Jan Kilbride was the lab rat, picked to entertain Simon Fairchild and The Vast

Carter Chilcott was the lab rat for The Lonely because… the Lukases didn’t know what to do?

I get why these three worked together, because what’s more dark, vast and lonely than outer space? It was the perfect environment for them.

But also: why did these three Powers work together like this? The Dark did stuff for the ritual, The Vast wanted to have fun… and the Lukases? What did they want to accomplish? I doubt they just wanted to hang out with other Powers. Did they also make something for their ritual? Maybe we will find out in the future.

Great, it seems like the black sun is still around. And guess who is the lucky guy who will have to stop this ritual. Guess it, Jon.

Oh my god, I love this man an unholy amount.

How can I not stan him? He sent Basira literally everywhere, because bringing Daisy back required her to be away. What a bastard, I bet he was grinning all the time like the bitch he is.

He even has the gall to say Jon’s performance during the Unknowing was “disappointing”. All while he was sitting on his ass, waiting to be metaphorically fucked by Martin’s plan.

At least it seems like Jon did great with The Buried, so his now-self-appointed mentor Elias Bouchard is satisfied and wants Jon to become stronger for the next big shit.

And the next big shit is:

The boss of this season is going to be the Extinguished Sun. And here I thought the previous rituals have all been stopped by Gertrude - at least, that what the first statements of this season seemed to imply.

But nope, there is still one on. And I’m glad for the clarification regarding Ny-Ålesund and the People’s Church of the Divine Host: they were not servants of The Eye, they were against The Eye. Of course they shared stuff like closed eyes symbol: The Dark is a bit like The Stranger, a power of the unknown. While The Eye is a power strictly based on knowing, making things clear, shedding light. Of course they would contrast each other.

And guess who is the lucky boy who will have to stop this ritual? Guess it, Jo-

Elias, please, stop being so funny, I can’t grin every time I read your sentences.

Maybe it’s better if this guy is in prison, because if he’s around, I would spend all time giggling and grinning.

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MAG 136 - The Puppeteer

*EPIC, Circe and Puppeteer vibes intensifies*

So, as I was saying…

Poor Jon, he can’t even ask simple questions like “How are you?”, without activating his compelling powers. The Eye basically destroyed that shred of human interactions he could’ve still had.

Speaking of the statement, we get to see Neil Lagorio again. I remembered he was the guy from MAG 110, the one obsessed with spiders. Luckily I remembered it, because all the talk about puppeteers and being puppets and being puppeteered around had a lot of Stranger vibes.

Well, that until Annabelle Cane appeared, ready to pursue another weird business plan. This time the plan was:

Find the director obsessed with spiders

Now he’s obsessed with being puppeteered around

Send away his friend/colleague/caregiver for five goddamn months

Kill him by wrapping him in his strings

Uhm… profit?

Still a bit confused by her plans, but I appreciate the effort.

But if Annabelle’s plans are weird, Daisy’s plans are insane.

She’s really trying to not be a Hunter anymore. She wants to be a better person. So, what does she do, to be sure The Hunt won’t reclaim her again?

Kick the door of Elias’ old office

Go through all drawers

Find an employment contract

Fill it, sign it and throw it on the desk

Congratulations! The Eye accepted your cv, you’re part of the team

10/10, it’s the silliest plan ever, as well as the most Daisy plan ever and the most Eye plan ever.

Also, I keep loving how The Eye accepts everyone, it doesn’t matter if they’re carefully selected based on their psychological profile or if they smash open a door and sign a random form. Everyone is welcomed, in this temple of supernatural know-it-alls.

My bad, The Eye doesn’t accept everyone: it accepts QUEENS AND QUEENS ONLY.

Also, I love how we keep the EPIC vibes, first with the puppeteer, now with the monster.

Uhm, now that I think about it, Monster's lyric kinda fits for Jon, doesn’t it?

How has everything been turned against us? How did suffering become so endless?

And 

I'm surrounded by the souls of those I've lost I'm the only one whose line I haven't crossed

and

If I became the monster and threw that guilt away Would that make us stronger? Would it keep our foes at bay?

and

Then I'll become the monster I will deal the blow

And this last part works very well, considering what he says here about the choice he made during his coma, the “choice to become… something else”. Like, you know, a monster.

Now, I’m not saying I want a Jon-centric animatic based on Monster from EPIC the musical… but I really REALLY want a Jon-centric animatic based on Monster from EPIC the musical.

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MAG 137 - Nemesis

Oh, so a statement regarding the Slaughter’s ritual. And it has all the elements of a standard ritual:

a cool name (The Risen War)

people together in a place to do Power-related things (in this case, slaughter each other)

music because everything is better with the right rhythm

Profit! Unless someone throws shit in it

It turns out this is the first ritual in which you don’t have to throw shit in, to stop it. You have to throw shit out of it. In this case, a guy who decides “Fuck no, fuck the war and fuck killing others: I’d much rather live, thanks” and goes the hell out. Pretty good choice, I would’ve done the same.

Gerry has a father named Eric and I want to know what happened to him too.

Of course Gertrude likes Gerry. The world needs to like Gerry. Gerry deserves love and love only.

Jon has a point: why doesn’t he know anything about this ritual? He’s an avatar of The Eye, he’s supposed to know something about it. Or, at least, to know about this Watcher’s Crown.

And the way he talks about it… until now, I thought “the Watcher’s Crown” was just a cool name to identify the entire ritual. However, in his words, Jon seems to imply that there is something identifiable as a crown: something that may be crown-shaped or work as a metaphorical crown. It may not be a simple physical crown but maybe a crown made of eyes or a specific place that works as a “crown” - like a tower Panopticon-style.

Yes, I’m looking at you, Millbank prison.

Still, this doesn’t explain why Jon doesn’t know anything. An avatar of The Eye in The Eye’s temple… and he knows nothing? My possible explanations (for now) are:

Jon is not involved for now because Elias plans to involve him in a later stage. Hence, all the concern regarding how strong Jon is/testing him etc.

The Web/other Powers are purposely keeping Jon unaware of this ritual somehow, to not let The Eye ascend.

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MAG 138 - The Architecture of Fear

Oh my god, Elias and Martin interacting. I am delighted.

Elias’ relationship with the apocalypse is “complicated”. Which I suppose is another way to say “Stopping it requires too much work and I’m too lazy”. Have I already said I love this guy?

My love aside, Elias’ reason is that he has been busy. And him being busy is such a joke, even Martin snorts.

What can I say, I love that my meme “ahah Elias lazy” is canon.

You know, jokes aside, I like how Elias gives a choice to Martin and Jon. He pushes them where he wants, sure, but he doesn’t straight tell them what to do - except for when Martin was burning statements but, well, he was burning statements.

If Martin wants to join The Lonely, it will be on his own accord. Elias could’ve tried to stop him somehow, considering Martin is one of his entourage and he hired him to be a servant in the temple of The Eye. But still, if Martin makes a choice, Elias will let him do it. He’s a good guy, after all…

… but he’s also an useless bitch. And I love him for that <3

The foreshadowing is real and I fear Martin will definitely join The Lonely. I mean, I am surprised he hasn’t done it already, considering he spends most of his time somewhere away from his friends and doesn’t interact with anyone except for Peter.

Also, we have the teaser and that made it clear he will do something to save Jon, so…

Speaking of the statement, it’s from Robert Smirke to Jonah Magnus, so of course it’s full of interesting things and that’s why I will overanalyze the heck of them:

*

1) Hubris is the real enemy

Once again, we have a human who learned about these Powers and thought he could channel and control them.

In Smirke’s case, he saw what he thinks are their truest forms and… honestly? Love that. Powers that are not human-shaped nor purely abstract ideas, but places and areas. It keeps their supernatural aspect, it makes them appear even more inhuman and it gives a clearer image of the fear they represent.

So, by looking at all of this, Smirke’s thought wasn’t “Maybe I should stop eating so much in the evening”, but “Sure, let’s build places to contain and control these Powers”. Hubris >>> Self-preservation, I see.

And considering what he says to Jonah Magnus regarding “their work on Millbank”, I assume the prison was built with the express purpose of channeling The Eye’s power. Then Smirke came to his senses and stopped dealing with this shit, while Jonah Magnus said “why not, let’s keep going”.

Hubris >>> Self-preservation, again.

*

2) Who tf is Scott?

So Maxwell Rayner has been going around for a while, fine. And, according to Robert Smirke’s words, same goes for Lukas (Peter? Or the entire family)... and Scott.

Now, who the fuck is this Scott? Did we already meet him? Do we still have to meet him? I don’t remember any Scott, so maybe he was a past avatar and died?

*

3) A balance of the Dread Powers

It’s implied that, in the past, Smirke thought the Powers could balance each other. Then, this idea was a bit lost, once he realized that the Powers are everchanging, new ones can be born from old ones and a real balance isn’t achievable.

And this makes me think about something I have been mulling over since MAG 135: why do these Powers all aim to make their own ritual? Why don’t they cooperate - at least the ones who don’t opposes each other?

Think about the Dedalus: we had three Powers working together, bringing people into space, planning this huge, cooperative mission… and used it to make their own individual ritual/waste time. Why didn’t they make up a collective ritual, one that could’ve worked for the three of them? Why has no one of these Powers tried to make up a new ritual, one that could work for more than one single Power?

I mean, a collaborative ritual is stronger, because it puts together more than one single Power. And it has more chances to succeed, considering the huge amount of powers, servants and avatars involved. It’s stupid they never tried and just worked by themselves all this time.

Typical Brits, always doing things by themselves :P

Jokes aside, maybe there is a plot-related reason for this lack of collaboration between Powers. And maybe it’s related to the following point:

*

4) The origin of the Dread Powers

I can’t believe it, but Mr. Sims is hinting at the origin story of the Dread Powers. He’s really trying to please me. And he’s succeeding.

I love backstories and origin stories, because they say A LOT about the characters, the plot and the writer. A good backstory is like a good foundation: if it’s stable and coherent, it can hold the story, justify its future development, explain the characters’ personalities/choices, and show all the attention and care of the writer. It’s the most evident proof the story is well made.

So yes, I am more than ready to find out what the real backstory will be and if it works in the TMA scenario.

For now, we have four possible choices and each of them has its own pros, cons and possible developments:

The Powers are eternal

PRO: It makes the TMA world more nihilistic. These supernatural forces have always been part of the multiverse, forever present and forever indifferent. It reinforces the idea of inevitability: humanity can do nothing to escape these fears.

CONS: if these Powers have always been, then why are they so interested in our planet? Do they latch onto every single life form in the multiverse? Or have they been eternally bored, until life appeared on Earth? And speaking of that, what about the animals? Did they appear when animals started to exist or only with humans? Gerry said the Powers take into consideration animals’ fears too (e.g., The Hunt), so they should manifest among animals too. So did they manifest among bacteria, too? Where is the line when the Powers start to take an interest in life?

The Powers are born by accident

PRO: It makes TMA world more tragic. Humanity (or God or whatever) brought this evil on Earth and has to deal with it. Humanity is responsible for its own misery.

However, this scenario offers a possible positive outcome: if the Powers are born by accident, nothing says they cannot be destroyed, too. If humanity somehow created an evil god, humanity can also kill that same god.

CONS: how where they created? If it was an accident, what happened? How did humanity manage to create such powerful forces? Is the process possible to repeat? Is it possible to re-create other Powers? What stops humanity from creating positive forces too, then? Or from destroying these Dread Powers? Is there a formula of some kind? An inverted ritual?

The Powers have been created by God and they’re part of a divine plan

PRO: it connects to my theory about the positive god-like forces. A positive force exists and it has not been shown itself yet.

And what could their divine plan be? To give humanity a choice.

In  this scenario, the Powers work as a substitute of the Devil: they are tempters, liars, deceivers. They trick humanity, they offer gifts that damn people and push them away from humanity. When people are accosted by these forces, they have a choice: they can ran away and learn their lesson, they can resist them or they can fall prey of them. Just like humans with the devil, the decision is up to the individuals. (This would also reconnect to Jon’s talk about choices, btw.)

If we think about the possible future outcomes of this scenario, we can imagine that, just like God made these negative forces, they made positive ones too - and we still have to see them.

CONS: This scenario implies a God of some kind exists and that alone opens a huge can of worms. There would be a trillion questions to answer, starting from “How this God came to be” to “What did this God to, before humanity”.

And if this God made positive Powers too, then why the fuck did they wait the events in the TMA series, before showing up?

The Powers have been brought into existence by some ancient civilisation

PRO: It has some of the same good points of the “creation by accident”, like that humanity is responsible for its own misery - which is one of the most interesting, imho.

It also offers the same possible positive outcome: maybe an ancient civilisation created humanity’s fears, but a more modern one can create humanity’s hopes. That could open a ton of interesting discussions about humanity, how we shape the world, our misery and our nature.

CONS: same as the “creation by accident”. How did an ancient civilisation make these forces? Is there a ritual, a spell to cast? Also, there’s the risk of making everything a bit too “human-centric”, while until now, it seemed more like these Powers were forces of nature who just came in contact with humanity.

*

5) The Watcher’s Crown

Soooo, Smirke’s dream: he gets up, goes out, there is silence, then the sky gave him a wink.

If this is a possible foreshadowing of the Watcher’s Crown, I suppose the Crown is either the entire sky, the universe or the entirety of Earth.

But also, Smirke says to Jonah Magnus “if you have any remaining ambitions to use our work to try and wear the Watcher’s Crown”, which means… this “crown” can be wear.

And yes, sure, “wear the crown” can be metaphorical. Hence why, I really like the idea that the crown is either the sky or the Earth. I mean, just imagine an avatar of The Eye ascending, becoming so powerful that the entire Earth is one huge eye from which they can see everything everywhere. A truly colossal ‘crown’ to wear.

That’s awesome, I fear to see Jon in this scenario.

One last thing: I like how Smirke pleads Jonah Magnus, thinking: “I assume you’re still a normal guy and are not trying to kill me”. But, you know, the previous MAGs made it pretty clear that Jonah Magnus is kind of a bitch. So, who knows? Maybe he really asked The Eye to kill Smirke.

This makes me curious about what happened to Jonah Magnus. Did he die?

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MAG 139 - Chosen

This statement was a beautiful surprise.

I wasn’t particularly interested in Agnes Montague. My thoughts about her were simple: she was the avatar of the Desolation, she was kinda powerful, and she didn’t seem like a bad person. That’s it.

But this recollection of her “creation” and life was truly interesting.

First of all, she wasn’t a normal avatar. She was birthed with a fire ritual to make her the perfect “vessel” for the Lightless Flame (whose real name, I suppose, is Asag). She was literally crafted to become an avatar.

Knowing that, you would expect she was purely supernatural, the messiah these people wanted: someone above humanity, completely detached from any human want or need.

But what Eugene Vanderstock portrays is the image of a normal human child: Agnes was bratty, like any other kid. She even threw the typical temper tantrums of a baby!

Then she grew up and the supernatural part of her started to shine through: she talked about “the Scoured Earth” (which I suppose would’ve been the ritual for The Desolation) and did some avatar stuff (like the creepy ritual with the candles).

However, since she was still a human kid, she was sent out to interact with other kids - and what better place to do that, if not at Hill Top Road, a stronghold of The Web?

My question isn’t why Agnes was sent there. My question is: was the Web an idiot to accept the avatar of a Power that has always given them trouble? Or was it given no other choice? Was it an “accept the girl or we will burn the whole place down” sort of ultimatum?

And what happened at Hill Top Road? Eugene talks about “A scar in reality that I believe has since been compounded by the interferences of other Powers.”. What does that mean? What did Gertrude do? I suppose she stopped the ritual somehow and I’m 99% sure she did it, by throwing some shit in it. Maybe the shit was another Power and that made a huge mess?

Whatever that was, it left the Fire gang waiting. And so they waited and waited… and what did manage to stop their plans altogether?

Let’s all thank Robert Sinclair and his crush on Agnes.

But seriously, this is what makes Agnes’ story even more fascinating.

Agnes was a chosen one. She had a destiny already written for her, she was birthed for one precise purpose. She was supposed to be a messiah, a goddess, detached from what is earthly and material.

But she wasn’t just that. She was human too. And in the end, it was her humanity that took over. Her feelings - no matter if it was affection, doubt or hope. She felt something and that something was enough to not attempt the ritual and die instead.

And she didn’t do it for some supernatural reason, but for the people she cared about. To not let them waste a chance. Until the end, Agnes felt something about others.

What a fascinating character, what an interesting dichotomy. And this makes Jude’s character extremely interesting too! A woman who, like a faithful knight, protects the goddess of their cult - a goddess too might for her, a messiah too high for mere servants like them. And yet, a goddess she loves. A woman she loves. Someone who draws her not just for her role - but for her humanity.

I hope there are great fanfictions about them that explore these contrasting feelings, because I would love to read them.

Glad to know that Jon isn’t the only Archivist who gets death threats all the time: Gertrude got some too. Being an Archivist: what a wonderful, peaceful job.

Jon agrees with me: being the Archivist is truly a fantastic job. Either you get threatened all the time by other servants/avatars, or your boss is going to kill you. And killing is the only thing he does well.

While speaking of the others:

Jon likes this new version of Daisy and I like her too: she’s less of a rabid dog and more of a queen and I stan queens.

Helen is still around! It left a door! The Distortion truly wants to work with them! Now, if only Jon would stop being so grumpy and collaborate, it would be very nice.

Awww, Jon’s worried about Martin! But he’s also trying his best to trust him. Buuuuut he’s also the avatar of a magical know-it-all, so of course he wants to Know everything, Peter’s plan included.

And the way he tried to do it was… interesting. It seems like he put a lot of effort and it’s not clear what happened. Did he succeed? Or is he still too weak to read another avatar’s mind? I suppose so.

_______________________________

MAG 140 - The Movement of the Heavens

Okay, so Jon wasn’t too weak to pry Peter Lukas’ mind open: he was just overwhelmed by the amount of knowledge. As he said in the previous MAGs, he drowns if he tries to open that door of infinite knowledge, so that’s basically what happened.

Then Basira throws some interesting shit here:

And that’s very interesting, because I was wondering how avatars work.

Jude told us that when you die, you get closer to your god but lose your humanity. So it’s implied that you die but also get a longer life. And we already met very old avatars (see Simon Fairchild) living an extremely long life - longer than any human. But we also met avatars who changed their name during the years (Grimaldi).

So I suppose the rule is: same body same name, different body new name.

And that makes me think about Jonah Magnus: he was touched by The Eye and, according to Smirke, he even wanted to “try and wear the Watcher’s Crown”. So I suppose he was a full avatar - or at least, he was trying very hard to become one.

My question is: did he succeed? If he did, is he still alive? Does he still have his name or did he change it? Only time will tell.

In the meantime, we get to see the wondrous first life of Maxwell Rayner / Edmond Halley that consists mostly of:

quality time with the Royal Society + a side dish of dissing John Flamsteed

quality time with the Dark cult in the woods, to look at a black pool

But since he’s also followed by his enemy, who stalks him 24/7, he ends up being killed. Conveniently drowned in that same black pool. And The Dark’s cult decides that, you know what, let’s not waste a fresh corpse and let’s make him an avatar. Legit.

Oh great, so he didn’t die. I was SO SURE back then that he was still alive, but then they kept repeating he was dead, he died, he was shot, then he disappeared for seasons and I stupidly believed that okay, fine, he was dead.

But nope, he’s not. He’s clearly around, just waiting to find the new body.

By now, the one with the highest count of “dead people who are still dead” is still Elias. Not even the police with all his info managed to do better than him.

And speaking of Elias…

Ahahaha Jon immediately realized Basira’s “sources” is Elias. After all, who is the only bitch who can send Basira on the other side of the globe, just to get rid of her for a while?

So, regarding The Dark:

The Dark gang will attempt the ritual on the North Pole during the winter solstice in order to get maximum darkness

They have their Black Sun, that “eldritch ball of some sort of manifested dark matter”

They’re currently doing their rehearsal in Ny-Alesund

And you know what that means, when there is a ritual and rehearsals: that the ritual is going to be some sort of ceremony. And how do you stop a ritual/ceremony?

My theory is perfect XD

One last thing:

Just a confirmation that The Eye is as useless as Elias and that’s why Elias is its embodiment. I suppose Jonah Magnus was too competent, hence why Elias became The Eye’s favourite.

_______________________________

In conclusion

It seems an eternity, since my reaction posts were short and funny ah ah silly story little mysteries, let’s see how it goes.

Now we have tons of info, which leads to me making a ton of screenshots and there's always the 30 images limit per post and I need images, because they help me introduce a new topic or explain my silly theories and I have a ton of questions and I want to know everything, and I love everyone, and I want them all to survive.

Moral of the story is: I’m getting attached. I have my favourites, but I appreciate every character - sometimes, there are even secondary characters who sparks my interest out of the blue (see Agnes)! And the plot gives me all I want, from backstories to foreshadowing. Heck, it’s even making my stupid theories somehow canon! What else can I ask?

For now, only that no one dies in the meantime.

-> Next post

(How about a coffee? ☕)

_______________________________

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[sophieinwonderland]

I hate having to wonder if any space even slightly system-adjacent is safe for me. Not even as a self-proclaimed endo. As someone who doesn’t label their origin because I don’t feel like analyzing my entire life with a microscope for if I actually count as traumatized.

I joined a Moon Knight discord because I want to maybe talk about the character and don’t know any fans in real life. They have a role for systems. But I’m scared to take it. Searching the terms “endo” and “endogenic” only brought up negativity. I don’t want to be caught in syscourse if it gets brought up again. I still don’t understand how you can have read all the comics and have come out of it still anti-endo. But that’s another story.

I’m reminded of the time that I left a discord for The Brave Little Toaster because of a prominent anti-endo in it. We’re literally here to discuss cartoon sentient appliances. Why do you care if endos interact with you. I hate it.

I've been thinking about how to answer this for a while...

First, right off the bat, I will tell you that there are plenty of places that are open to all kinds of plurality if you look. But you do have to look, unfortunately. It's not going to be clear immediately where those places are going to be. Obviously, any plural server that is dedicated specifically to endogenic and mixed origin systems is probably going to be safe. But it's going to get more complicated as you venture out from there.

Once you do get out of there, you might have to make room for yourselves.

And that means asking yourself if it's worth it to fight for your place in the community. And knowing that you could very easily end up dogpiled and banned anyways if the community is against you.

Let's say that you were out in the server as pro-endo. What is the worst thing that could happen? Well, I guess it's that everyone gangs up on you and accuses you of faking. But if this happens, you can at least be prepared for it. And it will hopefully not be as bad if it's expected.

You could also respond by linking and quoting academic sources that discuss endogenic and non-disordered systems.

Eric Yarbrough's Transgender Mental Health is the most explicit source stating for a fact that you can be plural without trauma or a disorder. And it has the backing of being peer-reviewed and published by the American Psychiatric Association. You can also quote the boundaries with normality from the ICD-11, which make it clear that you can experience multiple distinct personality states without a disorder.

You can also point out how Moon Knight is himself a mixed origin system. I'm sure that could stir up some fun discussion.

You can work to educate people in that space, and maybe make them more accepting. And maybe you will fail anyways. That's part of the problem of taking any risk. But really, there isn't much risk for trying aside from people saying mean things to you.

I mean, sure, they could ban you. But you probably wouldn't have stayed in a space you didn't feel safe in regardless.

To be clear, I'm not saying this to pressure you into a confrontation you don't want to be in. It is totally valid to take care of your mental health first. If you don't want to be involved in syscourse, you shouldn't have to involve yourself in it. That is completely 100% fair.

I guess what I'm really getting at is that... It absolutely sucks that more spaces aren't just accepting by default... But there aren't going to be any spaces that are accepting without people who are willing to educate others. That absolutely doesn't have to be you. Again, nothing wrong with prioritizing yourself and your mental health. But it will have to be someone. If these spaces that hold bigoted views aren't even exposed to anyone with contrary opinions, they will never change. Because no one can possibly realize that they are wrong about something without education. Misinformation has never been corrected by silence.

Again, this is not me trying to get you to be the one to break the silence. I don't want it to come off that way. But I want to explain why there are a lot of servers with anti-endo views still today. In some cases, it is just irrational hate and bigotry. And these people will double down no matter what research they are presented with to the contrary. But in other cases, it is being misinformed. It is people whose only frame of reference for what endogenic systems are has come from anti-endos.

If you look at queer acceptance, it didn't just come out of nowhere. Queer people had to fight at every turn to achieve what they did. And the fight is still far from over. But if you look at virtually every place that is accepting of queer people today, it is that way because someone decided to fight for it. Because someone made an effort to educate and spread information. And doing this put themselves at risk. Not just risk of enduring mean words, but risk of being beaten or jailed for what they were, if not much worse.

These types of physical risks don't exist online. But it still holds true that if we want acceptance, we will have to put the work in. I wish that we could have been born in a century where someone else had already done all of this. Where systems of all kinds were already fully accepted. But sadly, we aren't there yet.

And that means that it will fall to us, to this community, to be an instrument of change that will let systems in the future be born into a world that we wish we had been born into.

[bonemittens]

Okay imma try not to get too off track but here’s the Wiggle post I promised :3

Wiggle doesn’t have a lot of fans so I’ve had plenty of time to look at her character with little interference :3

An artist struggling for her art, a tail as old as time. I love how much she loves music, she references it every damn second. But when you love something so much you can’t help but gush about it anytime! She uses it to express herself in every way. It’s her way of crying, screaming, losing her mind.

It’s terrible to think that if her fans weren’t liking the music she puts out, they’re not caring for the messages. She’s pouring her soul into her songs and they get pushed away. Reinforcing the idea that no one cares for the real her. She feels she didn’t write “Do the Wiggle” with that same heart she does, as why she views it as a “vapid waste of a song”. That song came about from her worst qualities.

Pushing herself to the edge to make something perhaps… days and nights past and you still have nothing to show people. To prove you’re worth listening to. To prove you’re worth caring for. To show them how good you are…. That validation is tantalizing. She wants to be seen and heard for who she is and she isn’t.

She grows desperate and would do anything to give her that taste of nirvana again… even if that means dying for it.

The way she was treated in the music industry just reinforces the idea that she needs to keep pushing herself to the edge to be adored. All the things she said she’s done are extremely dangerous activities (especially that reverse exorcism, damn girl). She’s very similar to Chandlo in a way. Of course this isn’t about them, but it would’ve been nice to see them interact with each other more.

Which is why her relationship with Gramble could turn out so sweet… she needs someone like him in her life. Someone who loves her for her… not for being some big time celebrity who created a song that topped the charts. He loves her unconditionally. And during a time where she’s questioning her own talents and therefore her whole identity… she needs him now more than ever. And he needs her too but this ain’t about Gramble.

I could go on and on…. I love her because of how she tries and tries her best to meet the bar she set for herself. She fails time and time again. She’s at the end of her rope. I could’ve best explained it as that she has imposter syndrome and is an addict. Relying on bugsnax to motivate her when in reality it just scratches an itch that will come back hungrier and stronger than before. Leading her to do things like steal from Gramble.

Small note: I truly believe there is not solid evidence that she’s stolen bugsnax before the event in game. While Gramble states that whenever she’s around his bugsnax, they disappear. It also is said that those same pets of his go running off. So it could be either or to be honest…(both are pretty unreliable narrators too)

I could continue but this post is long enough and I’m not entirely sure whether my points were clear enough. I’m willing to clarify if anyone is confused but I wanted to do this because I’m very passionate about reading characters, especially ones I love. It does, however, make me sad that so little people like her. But hey! At least I don’t go around making bad faith essays because the character I like isn’t popular :)

I don’t mind if yall ask me questions about my thought process for something’s, I like interacting with the community :3.

Y’all have a good night now. Luv all of you 🌺

[manic-sapphic]

sorry sw could you repeat that? who betrayed who?

cause i seem to remember catra doing nothing other than carrying out a horde plan that required the use of the black garnet and somebody freaked tf out, pretty much tryna take out everybody in the room cause someone's obsession w power had em throwin a tantrum like an old evil baby and that's what landed em in a prison cell ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(and yes i did overlay the "catra betrayed me" soundbyte a possibly def absurd amount of times during these clips sorry not sorry i just hate sw so fucking much, couldn't help it <3)

- it wrecks my bones so bad they all shatter, in a full-body cast for life, that catra goes to visit the one who caused the instincts and rationale that come w believing a person's worth is directly tied to their power to just be part of the way her mind works. sw now a prisoner, catra tryna ask about some missing file cause she's got her old position. but just for that one time for that one question. of course.

--- i think the only reason she still needed sw to be the one to give her some, any kind of validation or assurance at this point wasn't about sw the way it had ever been in the past. honestly i think she'd grown pretty accustomed to having to live without any recognition from sw that she meant a damn thing, cause she'd had adora there back then, and she made her feel like she did. but sw was the one who'd put all these thoughts about herself and her own life's lack of any significance into her head that directly contributed to developing the thought processes and rationale exhibited in her behaviors, and they're all factors in her decision to part ways from the only person who'd ever made her feel like she meant something, like her life wasn't worthless.

cause she reached a point where she felt like that was all a lie and none of it had been real, and became determined to create that on her own, and get back that feeling and have it exist in a way that's dependent on no one but her. and the sw survival guide is the only way she knows of for how to (supposedly) do that.

gets the tiniest glimpse of some hope she might actually finally get the validation she needs from sw at a time when she may not fully get why, but she needs it more than ever. and i think a big part of why is now that she's made it to second-in-command, she's been wondering if it all really is what she wants and probably still considering whether or not she'd made the right choice staying. then next visit, sw's gone, left the evidence that she tricked catra into bringing her exactly what she needed to do it. knowing it left catra likely to take the fall for it and it very likely being a death sentence if she does.

which would make sense as to why she freaks soo sooo badly when she hears where sw went. there's def gotta be a lot going on in her head there but i think part of it was sw went to the person she'd still been wondering if she should've gone to, and was visiting sw tryna get some sense or feeling that at least by staying she'd made her life worth something. and after what sw did to her, as long as she's w adora, then catra ever feeling able to even consider being w adora is wrecked af for her.

fck off shadow weaver forever and ever ok~